High Sensitivity And Mental Health
Juan Moisés De La Serna
Manuela Pérez Chacón
Antonio Chacón
The interest generated by our first book on High Sensitivity has encouraged us to continue with the dissemination of the trait. This second book focuses more on the difficulties experienced by highly sensitive people as well as on the psychological abilities they possess. Knowing how to manage the trait of High Sensitivity is fundamental to achieve the maximum potential in the personal growth of the Highly Sensitive Person (HSP). Hence the importance of knowing how to meet the needs of highly sensitive children (HSC) from an early age. HSC children become HSP adults. Solve the issue from childhood, avoid the need for treatments later on. Throughout life, the HSP can go through transient psychological problems or disorders, derived from mismanagement of their trait. In these pages, we try to reflect real examples of people who have come to a psychology consultation looking for a solution to the ”bumps in the road”. Many HSPs discover it in the wake of one of these ups and downs in their lives. Knowing how to take the right path, choosing to have people close to them who respect the HSP trait, and learning to set limits, are the objectives most demanded by the HSPs who are treated by a mental health professional. This book aims to help both the reader, as well as the health or medical professional since, based on our experience as professional experts of High Sensitivity, we try to offer solutions to the problems that arise from being a HSP, examples of people who have gone through the same stages, as well as show some of the most common disorders derived from having this particular personality trait. Although being a HSP or HSC is not a disorder, it is necessary to learn to adapt to today's society until society becomes familiar with High Sensitivity.
Mental Health
and
High Sensitivity
Manuela Pérez Chacón
Antonio Chacón
Juan Moisés de la Serna
Editorial Tektime
2021
“Mental Health and High Sensitivity”
Written by Manuela Pérez Chacón, Antonio Chacón and Juan Moisés de la Serna
1st Edition: december 2021
© Juan Moisés de la Serna, 2021
© Ediciones Tektime, 2021
All rights reserved
Distributed by Tektime
https://www. traduzionelibri.it
Translated by Susana Hyder
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About the authors:
Manuela Pérez Chacón
Degree in Psychology, Ph.D. student in the inter-university program on Psychology of Human Resources at the University of Seville and the University of Valencia. Specialist in Clinical Psychology. Specialist in Industrial Psychology. University Specialist in Special Education: Therapeutic Pedagogy. Professional Expert in “Psychological disorders in children and adolescents.” Master in Occupational Risk Prevention, specializing in Safety, Hygiene, Ergonomics, and Psychosociology.
Master of Psychology with over 10 years of experience in the areas of health and psychosocial risk prevention. Specialized in clinical therapy and occupational psychology. Expert in Children and Adolescent Mental Disorders. Member-founder of the Child-Youth Mental Health Unit of the Hospital Jerez Puerta del Sur (USMIJ-Clínica Jerez). Gold Medal to Professional Merit by the General Council of Industrial Relations and Labor Sciences, PREVER 2018 Awards, for her research in the field of Psychosocial Risks in the Workplace. Member of the Official College of Psychologists of Western Andalusia number AN-06014.
President of the Spanish Association of High Sensitivity Professionals (HSP Spain). Psychologist Specializing in HSP (Highly Sensitive Persons) and referring physician in Spain as an expert in High Sensitivity. Public speaker specializing in Child Psychology and Sensory Processing Sensitivity (SPS) in Children. First Spanish woman certified as a psychologist specializing in High Sensitivity (Acknowledged Professional by Elaine Aron). Has been interviewed several times in well-known media channels such as Cadena SER, La1 de RTVE, or El Pais.
Antonio Chacón
Expert in psychosocial risk management with 15 years of experience in External Prevention Services (EPS). Ph.D. Student in the Psychology of Human Resources program at the University of Seville. Assistant professor at the International University of La Rioja of the Masters in Occupational Risk Prevention and Masters in Systems Integration. (International University of La Rioja – UNIR).
Founder of the Association of Psychologists and High Sensitivity Professionals (HSP Spain). Awarded a Cruz de Honor (Cross of Honor) for health and Safety in the Workplace and awarded a Gold Medal of Professional Prestige by Forum Europe. Disseminator on the subject of High Sensitivity Trait in Organizations.
Juan Moisés de la Serna
Ph.D. of Psychology and Master in Neuroscience and Behavioral Biology, University Professor. To date, his research focuses on the potential factors influencing COVID -19 and on the short and long-term psychological and neurological complications after SARS CoV-2 infection in humans.
The most-read author in Spain in 2020 according to researchgate.net.
Scientific disseminator with more than 30 books published on Psychology and Neuroscience, including topics such as ADD, PDD, ASD, ADHD, EQ, MSD, High Capacity.
Prologue
The interest generated by our first book on High Sensitivity encouraged us to continue disseminating insight on this personality trait. This second book focuses more on the difficulties experienced by highly sensitive people as well as on the psychological abilities they possess. Knowing how to manage the trait of High Sensitivity is fundamental to achieving a maximum potential in the personal growth of the Highly Sensitive Person (HSP). Hence the importance of knowing how to meet the needs of highly sensitive children (HSC) from an early age. HSC children become HSP adults. Solve the issue in childhood and you avoid the need for treatments later on.
Throughout life, the HSP can go through transient psychological problems or disorders derived from mismanagement of their trait. In these pages, we share real examples of people who have come to a psychology consultation looking for a solution to their “bumps in the road”. Many HSPs discover it in the wake of one of these ups and downs in their lives. Knowing how to take the right path, choosing to have people close to them who respect the HSP trait, and learning to set limits, are the objectives most demanded by the HSPs who are treated by a mental health professional.
This book aims to help both the reader, as well as the health or medical professional. Based on our experience as professional experts of High Sensitivity we are offering solutions to the problems that arise from being an HSP, sharing examples of people who have gone through the same stages, as well as showing some of the most common disorders derived from having this particular personality trait. Although being an HSP or HSC is not a disorder, it is necessary to learn to adapt to today’s society until society becomes better acquainted with High Sensitivity.
Manuela Pérez
www.HSPespana.org
Index
Chapter 1. Introduction to the study of the relationship between High Sensitivity and Mental Health (#ulink_b1bfa3fc-44e1-5131-9678-8ec67bce7458)
Chapter 2. Characteristics of the Highly Sensitive Person (#ulink_daf88551-4138-54e0-8989-bf58e890f4ca)
Chapter 3. The brain and High Sensitivity (#ulink_d7642485-fba0-596d-b747-7af45794c83b)
Chapter 4. Non-sensitive and Sensitive Patients (#ulink_01b608e8-0ae1-5cdd-91e3-844445ae9c7c)
Chapter 5. Education. High Capacity and High Sensitivity (#ulink_10c4a143-5bf2-5a46-b329-c28c9007c246)
Chapter 6. Differentiating Characteristics of Highly Sensitive People (#ulink_65cdebd6-cc5e-507f-b2fa-febc263ac81c)
6.1. Is High Sensitivity a disorder?
6.2. Autism and High Sensitivity (#ulink_1009674d-42c0-5269-8fc3-2e33939eb015)
6.3. Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder and High Sensitivity (#ulink_af93dfc9-d781-5baa-9586-eb2402da739b)
Chapter 7. Effects of High Sensitivity (#ulink_5358817a-b7f6-53fe-9ad4-6269b9d57160)
7.1. Fear of failure of the highly sensitive person
7.2. Pathological self-criticism of the highly sensitive person (#ulink_3f5c50ec-122e-55c6-9975-33398f50fbf9)
7.3. Depression vs. High Sensitivity (#ulink_3c11dfd5-2ee2-5a22-91d5-040301f6d0bc)
Chapter 8. Highly Sensitive Patients (#ulink_64bfba6b-db97-5fb5-939e-03470974d988)
8.1 What concerns High Sensitivity professionals (#ulink_e1a91c26-d024-5083-9538-5c64e530c406)
8.2. Why HSCs are mistaken as having other disorders (#ulink_469df59e-696e-5ccc-a62a-36c7e4bd4c0c)
8.3. When being an HSC becomes a problem. (#ulink_05f054b7-04df-5861-8d2a-8018b6832a02)
8.4. When being an HSC becomes an advantage. (#ulink_ad091ca7-1d08-53e5-bdf7-12e06bc7fd42)
8.5. What I can do when teaching HSC? (#ulink_c18bda6b-6dc2-5e33-997b-31641999bfa4)
8.6. When should I seek help for my HSC? (#ulink_bc2c6dc6-58dc-5da3-a6b8-b3ed4d23ce0a)
8.7. What can I do as a parent of an HSC? (#ulink_eaea80c7-2d90-59c2-b056-155f24f10c1c)
8.8. What do statistics say about HSC, regarding culture, gender, and genetics. (#ulink_3d942dda-0cf6-5a20-af54-7390048e4e9e)
Chapter 9. Problems derived from high sensitivity. (#ulink_b9a8f612-46ea-55f1-8eeb-2a175fae327d)
9.1. How to act in social situations if you are an HSP
9.2. Mindfulness to help highly sensitive people (#ulink_ec2fb37c-b546-5af0-b8ec-f67d11458eed)
9.3. Troubleshooting as therapy for highly sensitive people (#ulink_9f918154-f522-5a23-bf5a-ccafc35dd067)
9.4 Systemic family therapy applied to families with HSP members (#ulink_44cb0f6e-3970-589e-92de-34bf6e31d0a4)
Chapter 1. Introduction to the study of the relationship between High Sensitivity and Mental Health
Whether you are a highly sensitive person or a mental health professional, you will benefit from reading this book. You may be a person who has discovered your highly sensitive trait as a result of not feeling too good about yourself. Or maybe you have spent years going to psychologists and psychiatrists, or have been looking for information until someone enlightened you with knowledge of the existence of Highly Sensitive People (HSP). You may be a professional who has cared for people you could not quite manage to understand, people who did not exactly have a disorder but there was something that prevented them from growing and continuing their journey in life with ease. Perhaps, your case is that of an individual who is having a hard time communicating with your partner because it seems that you are each speaking a different language since each one feels and perceives the world differently. You may have even left a job due to feeling like you did not fit in, whether with others or with repetitive and routine tasks.
We all indeed have sensitivity and it is also true that anyone may need at some point in their life to go to a psychology professional to resolve something whether small or big. This book aims to provide a way to work with highly sensitive people.
What is written here will help you not only to identify the trait but also to detect the psychological consequences of it from a psychology professional point of view. It addresses High Sensitivity (HS) or Sensory Processing Sensitivity (SPS) as seen by mental health experts, a contribution of experiences, studies, and scientific basis.
We will define what it means to be a highly sensitive person and your relationship with your environment from the strictest sense of the word. By reading this book you will learn about the most common psychological disorders and why highly sensitive people can suffer from them. You will understand the talent and the high capacity that highly sensitive people possess. All this is explained from a psychological point of view.
No doubt, the experiences of highly sensitive people serve as an example to us. However, we want to raise awareness among the HSP and HSC population of the importance of putting themselves in the hands of health professionals. It is the psychologists, counselors, pediatricians, and psychiatrists trained in High Sensitivity who are the most adept at solving the problems you may encounter.
It is essential to keep in mind that being highly sensitive is not the same as having a disorder. There are specific treatments currently being developed by scientific researchers. Possessing the trait of high sensitivity can lead you to suffer certain difficulties but also benefit from many advantages. The detection and diagnosis of any disorder associated with the trait should be left in the hands of mental health experts.
It is just as important to know who to turn to so you can find solutions if you possess the Highly Sensitive trait and questions arise, as well as to know that anyone around you can be an HSP.
It is also essential to trust the sciences, and psychology is one of them. Psychological techniques and treatments are a result of experiments and research that have been carried out by numerous experts over the years. In this book, we aim to make a connection between this scientific precision and the personality trait that we now colloquially know as High Sensitivity. The scientific name for this trait corresponds to Sensory Processing Sensitivity.
The Highly Sensitive Person has a way of perceiving and feeling that starts from birth and which is molded through experiences. It is a type of personality that includes a high capacity to process information about your surroundings. It makes you more aware of everything that enters through the five senses, especially in new or unexpected situations. The Theory of Positive Disintegration, known to many as a theory of “emotional development” by the Polish psychologist and psychiatrist Dabrowski during the beginning of psychology as a science, classified this ability as part of the different levels of human development.
This book will provide you with both information and possible solutions if you are someone who is involved in caring for the emotional needs of a person, whether that person is your child, your student, or your patient. In this book, you will find key information not found in other books since it explains the relationship between High Sensitivity and its possible consequences on an individual throughout their life. In addition to delivering a practical approach that can help highly sensitive people to manage their trait or help a person learn how to interact with highly sensitive children, the book provides data and sample consultations, as well as the most recent research on High Sensitivity.
This book is the result of a collaboration between high-sensitivity professionals and has been written in the form of a research project. It provides information collected from group therapies and individual psychology sessions conducted over several years in mental health departments and addresses some central issues of the daily work of High Sensitivity professionals with children and adolescents. Care of children is a field of great concern regarding study and treatment, especially in the interest of the prevention of possible mental disorders. Young people are the human potential of the near future in companies.
We have focused on the symptoms that derive from the presence of the highly sensitive trait in an individual under the perspective of the diagnostic axes of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM—5). Risk factors, current treatments, and prevention have been based on cognitive-behavioral therapies. The diagnosis and evaluation provide a comparison and bring to light the possible confusion with some disorders that have similar pathological signs. Regarding the research models described, they include scientific theories at an international level that have been instrumental in the discovery of the High Sensitivity trait.
At present, there is a lot of research that supports the existence of this peculiar trait in a portion of the world’s population. Several scientists from different countries have provided contrasting data on this particular way of feeling, thinking, and acting.
Up until now, science has shown us through studies conducted, that approximately 20% of the population has High Sensitivity (Aron and Aron, 1997). These are people with an innate ability to observe the smallest details and they do so unconsciously. They also need more rest time as they are easily overstimulated and must learn to manage their emotions in the face of excessive noise or crowded places. They show strong emotional responses and sometimes require more downtime. Likewise, the authors affirm that of this percentage of people who possess the trait of high sensitivity, 70% are introverts.
The development of the Highly Sensitive Child scale and identification of sensitivity groups (Pluess, 2017), published in Developmental Psychology is also a statistical study. Among its results is the existence of three different groups with different levels of environmental sensitivity. It indicates that all living beings must be sensitive to their surroundings and classifies 25-35% as highly sensitive, 41-47% as intermediate, and 20-35% as low.
The Highly Sensitive Person presents characteristics from birth that accompany them throughout their lives. These characteristics affect their well-being and as a result, their mental health. Elaine Aron, a pioneer research psychologist in the United States, highlighted the following particularities of HSP people: they can unconsciously show a heightened awareness of and strong reaction when encountering stimuli in their surroundings, even when these are subtle. This intense emotional reaction is because everything, both positive and negative, affects the HSP more. They also experience high levels of arousal due to sensory stimulation to noises, smells, and other sensations. A high capacity for empathy and increased sensory sensitivity to stimuli, which is manifested by a heightened ability to differentiate sensations is also found in the HSP.
The highly sensitive person and highly sensitive children are individuals who come by these personality traits naturally. They could focus these traits toward a positive outcome avoiding a negative path provided they have an awareness of their uniqueness and the proper tools to cope with the difficulties that may arise along the way, as well as knowledge of how to enhance their strengths. They are people with a gift because of their great creativity and their ability to process information. But they are also people who can easily become stressed or who tend to avoid certain social situations. Hence, the importance of knowing whether or not you are a Highly Sensitive Person and whether or not your child is a Highly Sensitive Child.
The highly sensitive person can be identified by the high levels of sensitivity he or she exhibits. These are people who are easily excited by the stimuli around them. Other characteristics to take into account are empathy and the ability to grasp information from their surroundings.
Those who possess the trait of high sensitivity, process information in a peculiar way. They analyze everything more thoroughly. They can understand how the other person feels and take the emotions they perceive to the extreme. Therefore, when day-to-day emotions are positive (joy, calmness, optimism, etc.), the HSP can control what he or she feels to his or her benefit. In this case, it is an advantage to be a highly sensitive person. Although, since it is a genetic trait, it’s not something you can choose to be. You are simply born or not born with the trait of high sensitivity.
On the other hand, when the person is faced with a complex routine full of negative emotions (anger, sadness, anguish, etc.), psychological problems may appear. It is common to encounter difficult situations throughout life. That’s what living is all about, having all kinds of experiences and learning how to deal with them. However, for the highly sensitive person, it is often difficult to make decisions because of emotional factors that are difficult to control.
The most common difficulties that arise after mismanagement of high sensitivity are low self-esteem, anxiety, stress, phobias, depression, and even borderline personality disorder. Some of the symptoms that indicate the need to seek professional help are insomnia, muscular pain, low mood, emotional tension, anger, etc. In children, symptoms such as insecurity, shyness, attention deficit, and irritability stand out.
This is not to say that highly sensitive people are more likely to experience psychological symptoms just because they were born with the trait of high sensitivity. We want to say that perhaps having greater sensitivity to stimuli may increase the activation of the person in general. That is, if a highly sensitive person has many experiences that generate extreme or negative emotions, he or she is exposing him or herself to more pressure. Their body is stressed by situations that may go unnoticed by people who are not highly sensitive. It is also possible that the sum of stressful experiences may cause physical symptoms in the highly sensitive person that would not even affect anyone else.
The brain of the highly sensitive person pays more attention to sensations in his body that could be considered insignificant whereas other people do not perceive these sensations. It remains to be seen whether highly sensitive people go to the doctor more because of problems or complaints that cannot be diagnosed as a specific disease.
One thing we do know is that highly sensitive people become more saturated with less stimulation than other people. Their sensory threshold is lower. That is, they are more affected by stimuli and therefore are more easily overexcited or overstimulated. No one works well under pressure or under the effects of overstimulation nor do we all perform equally well at work or school when faced with tasks that involve too much emotional stress.
It is, therefore, imperative for the highly sensitive person to learn to manage this intense influx of information when it causes problems in their routine. This will allow them to carry out daily tasks with peace of mind and naturalness. The solution should not be to refuse activities, but rather to get to know oneself well and develop psychological strategies. Social skills can also be learned or encouraged. It’s is especially important to do a self-assessment in line with one’s own emotions.
The emotional reaction of a highly sensitive person is more extreme or notable than that of any other person, even in the same situation. For example, two brothers of similar age are watching a dramatic movie, one of them cries desperately and the other does not. These situations need not be traumatic for the highly sensitive person, as long as they have learned to identify with their trait and accept what they cannot change about themselves.
A fairly common repercussion for highly sensitive people who have not identified their trait is to try to change the way they are. Fighting against one’s nature is impossible and inadvisable. The perfectionism and self-criticism developed by the highly sensitive person must be aimed towards self-benefit. The key to healthy self-esteem for highly sensitive people lies in preventing these two traits from becoming disadvantages or psychological problems.
Therefore, good management of high sensitivity consists of taking advantage of such sensitivity thus avoiding the usual inconveniences that arise so that they do not lead to psychological problems such as anxiety, depression, or stress.
In short, highly sensitive people perceive stimuli more intensely, generating greater vividness in their emotions. The emotions that any person generates in their daily life can be positive or negative. The positive ones are, for example, joy, happiness, or enthusiasm. Whereas the negative ones can be sadness, apathy, or anguish. The highly sensitive person is more sensitive to stimuli. This means greater activation in general and, therefore, greater pressure and discomfort in the face of negative emotions. Increased emotional stress, coupled with not knowing how to manage one’s emotions, can lead to psychological symptoms and even the onset of health problems. Therefore, people who identify with the trait of high sensitivity must learn to manage their emotions. Achieving this can sometimes be a challenge, or it can simply come naturally. By managing this skill, psychological problems, such as anxiety or stress, can be avoided.
References
Aron, A., Ketay, S., Hedden, T., Aron, E. N., Rose Markus, H. and Gabrieli, J. D. (2010). Temperament Trait of Sensory Processing Sensitivity Moderates Cultural Differences in Neural Response. Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience, 5(2-3), 219-226.
Aron, E. N.andAron, A. (1997). Sensory-processing Sensitivity and its Relation to Introversion and Emotionality. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 73(2), 345–368.
Aron, E. N., Aron, A. and Jagiellowicz, J. (2012). Sensory Processing Sensitivity: A Review in the Light of the Evolution of Biological Responsivity. Personality and Social Psychology Review, 16(3), 262–282.
Dabrowski, K. (1964). Positive Disintegration. Little Brown.
Dabrowski, K. (1967). Personality Shaping Through Positive Disintegration. Little Brown.
Dabrowski, K. (1972). Psychoneurosis Is Not An Illness. Gryf Publications.
Dabrowski, K., Kawczak, A. and Piechowski, M. M. (1970). Mental Growth: Through Positive Disintegration. Gryf Publications.
Dabrowski, K.andPiechowski, M. M. (1977). Theory of Levels of Emotional Development. Volumes I and II. Dabor Science Publications.
Díaz-García, M. I. and Díaz-Sibaja, M. A. (2005). Daily Problems in Childhood Behavior. M.I. Comeche and M.A. Vallejo (Coor.), Therapy Manual of Childhood Behavior. Dykinson.
Pluess, M. (2017). Vantage Sensitivity: Environmental Sensitivity to Positive Experiences as a Function of Genetic Differences. Journal of Personality, 85(1), 38-50 - https//doi.org/10.1111/jopy.12218
Chapter 2. Characteristics of the Highly Sensitive Person
The highly sensitive person perceives the stimuli they receive from the environment around them focusing on the details. It is a process that is carried out unconsciously, almost without realizing it. All the information that a person receives through the senses, in new situations, is carefully analyzed. Sight, hearing, taste, touch, and smell are at the same level of development as in a non-HSP person, however, the perception received through these organs is more enhanced in the HSP.
Perceiving sensations as an HSP is similar to feeling both ends of a stimulus. They are affected by a very loud noise or will notice one that is very quiet. They enjoy intense flavors or will detect a mild ingredient added to a recipe. What each person is most sensitive to will vary from one HSP to another. Some show their sensitivity to tastes, others to sounds, light, smells, or textures. But they all have extreme and obvious sensitivity.
The difference between HSP and non-HSP people lies in the tastes or interests they present. Non-HSP people differ from HSP people in that they choose their interests or tastes, whether they prefer a type of food or a type of music. On the other hand, the HSP possesses a need that is superior to interest or taste, it is something innate that is not determined by the simple fact of taste itself. We could say that there is a biological force that drives the HSP to perceive and be able to feel both sides of the coin, so to speak. Many of the complaints are about feeling too hot or too cold. There seems to be no middle ground. Sometimes they require being surrounded by a lot of people and sometimes they require solitude. This incongruence in various situations generates a certain discord with the people with whom they live.
On the positive side, a highly sensitive person enjoys the details of life. They show it through the sensation that various particularities produce in them, such as a deep conversation, watching a sunrise, or visiting a museum. In personal relationships, love and friendship take on a higher meaning. At the same time, they enjoy the privacy they get in those moments when they are alone, where they can give free rein to their creativity. Many of them are good at drawing, dancing, or cooking, others have the intelligence to make good decisions or to help others. There are many different aspects in which the highly sensitive person stands out thanks to their creativity and emotionality.
Regarding the notion of time, the HSP requires time alone to disconnect from their routine. Especially after experiencing times of high stimulation, their body asks for a space of relaxation, silence, and tranquility.
The emotions of a highly sensitive person are characterized by their flexibility to be triggered by stimulating situations. The existence of experiences that generate extreme emotions is a determining factor for the HSP. They are capable of enjoying the good to a fuller extent, but also of suffering much when experiencing that which hurts.
The nervous system of the HSP, acting in a predetermined way, reacts when stimulated by the emotions generated by what happens in their surroundings. The limbic system is the part of the brain responsible for producing emotions, generating neurochemical and hormonal responses. In this way, the emotion is associated with the experience. Emotion is an unconscious, basic, primitive impulse. However, when emotions associated with similar experiences are repeated, the person begins to give it a concrete value by forming a feeling towards it. The HSP externalizes these feelings through a fine and subtle sensitivity.
In addition to feeling deeply, the highly sensitive person thinks and acts as a reflective whole. Without noticing that they do so, they process information by reflecting before acting through detailed observation of stimuli. In the same way, they can pick up on hidden messages from other people, to notice signals that are transmitted without the need to say anything, thanks to their empathy. Dr. Bianca Acevedo (2014) has studied the part of the brain responsible for stimulating mirror neurons, which are responsible for the existence of empathy. A higher incidence of this type of neuron has been found in highly sensitive people. In this sense, the HSP has that innate ability to be able to put themselves in other people’s shoes and know what the other person is feeling. On the other hand, having such capacity does not necessarily imply having the intention to act on it.
IRENA 5 YEARS OLD
When Irena’s mother decided to go to the psychologist’s office, she had been putting up with comments at family meals and gatherings with friends for years. With the best intentions, grandparents, aunts, uncles, sisters-in-law, and friends showed their interest in Irena’s psychological health. Instead of thinking that there was nothing wrong with her, it was rather they who were neglecting recognizing diversity in personality. The phrases were repeated every weekend: “What does her pediatrician say?” “At her age, she should be eating everything, as my children do.” “Does she have friends at school? She seems so quiet.” “Has she been tested to see if she is gifted, hyperactive, or is there something wrong with her? She doesn’t look happy.” “Does she have to cry about everything?” “When she grows up, who will defend her?” “Does she always have to refuse everything? All the children are playing except her.”
Irena’s mother was very uncomfortable with such comments. At the same time, she knew that her daughter possessed at least average intelligence. She was also an affectionate, cheerful, happy, and sensitive child. Her mother had observed similar behavior in some of the girls at her school, which gave her peace of mind. That’s why she was slow to go to a psychologist’s office, to avoid having her daughter labeled because her intuition told her that Irena simply felt and behaved differently from her cousins and her friends’ children. When she finally sought professional help, it was confirmed that there was no disorder. After some time, she found on the web, by chance, that there were HSC, highly sensitive children, thus unmasking the mystery of why Irena acted and sensed life in her own way.
JANE 38 YEARS OLD
Jane had spent her whole life trying to please the people around her, even if it meant discomfort for herself despite her growing awareness that she was losing more and more self-esteem because of her attitude. As a child, she was obedient, unable to say what she thought so as not to hurt her parents’ feelings. As a teenager, she didn’t have her own criteria. She let herself be “crushed”, as she said, especially by her mother, who constantly manipulated her to mold her into the daughter she had designed. Her youth was filled with social problems with friends as she could not make her own decisions, she had not learned to do so. This also led to relationship problems, Jane was so empathetic that she gave everything without asking for anything in return, letting her fear of failure get the better of her.
The most traumatic experience Jane recounted was living with a partner who acted as if the world revolved around him and who had an exaggerated sense of his importance and entitlement. In therapy she discovered that her partner was narcissistic, a person who had to be the center of attention at all times and who needed continuous praise. A person whom she needed to praise constantly to have his approval and who would punish her if she didn’t comply with his wishes.
Like most people, Jane thought she was different and that this was her lot in life. Two factors overlapped, being a highly empathetic person and her old-fashioned upbringing, that is, growing up hearing phrases such as: “Turn the other cheek.” Or, “You’re much prettier when you’re quiet.” Or, “Don’t do to others what you don’t want them to do to you.”
In treatment, the starting point was Jane’s recognition of the four highly sensitive person’s trait factors. Secondly, they worked on social skills, especially assertiveness, and also improved her self-esteem. The patient learned to detect people who did not make her feel good and to defend herself against them. The fact that she had hit rock bottom in her relationship was also her salvation, as she sought professional help and realized that she should not allow another person to manipulate her, that she should not expect a narcissist to respect her sensitivity, nor should she have to continually praise him to get the slightest thing from him. Jane shook off her fear of failure, feeling proud to be herself and to be able to choose who she wants to share something with and what decisions to make. Now she is not afraid. She is not even afraid to make mistakes, as she prefers to make her own mistakes and learn from them rather than to not be herself.
References
Acevedo, B.P. (2016). The Highly Sensitive Brain: The Neural Correlates of Sensory Processing Sensitivity. Journal of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, 55.
Acevedo, B. P., Aron, E. N., Aron, A., Sangster, M. D., Collins, N. and Brown, L. L. (2014). The Highly Sensitive Brain: An fMRI Study of Sensory Processing Sensitivity and Response to Others’ Emotions. Brain and Behavior, 4(4), 580–594. https://doi.org/10.1002/brb3.242
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