The Texan's Surprise Return
Jolene Navarro
His greatest Christmas gift… “Is that you? You’re…you’re alive. ” An unforgettable family reunion for the holidays. For three years, Xavier De La Rosa’s family thought he was dead. Now Xavier is back home in Texas for Christmas, and finds a wife he can’t remember and adorable triplets he never knew existed. Can Xavier reclaim his memories and the love he left behind…before he returns to the job that nearly killed him?
His greatest Christmas gifts…
“Is that you? You’re…you’re alive.”
An unforgettable family reunion for the holidays.
For three years, Xavier De La Rosa’s family thought he was dead. Now Xavier is back home in Texas for Christmas, and finds a wife he can’t remember and adorable triplets he never knew existed. Can Xavier reclaim his memories and the love he left behind…before he returns to the job that nearly killed him?
Cowboys of Diamondback Ranch
A seventh-generation Texan, JOLENE NAVARRO fills her life with family, faith and life’s beautiful messiness. She knows that as much as the world changes, people stay the same: vow-keepers and heartbreakers. Jolene married a vow-keeper who shows her holding hands never gets old. When not writing, Jolene teaches art to inner-city teens and hangs out with her own four almost-grown kids. Find Jolene on Facebook or her blog, jolenenavarrowriter.com (http://www.jolenenavarrowriter.com).
Also By Jolene Navarro (#ue0c7ecc3-2169-5d69-8b8a-38ca39e89d87)
Cowboys of Diamondback Ranch
The Texan’s Secret Daughter
The Texan’s Surprise Return
Lone Star Legacy
Texas Daddy
The Texan’s Twins
Lone Star Christmas
Lone Star Holiday
Lone Star Hero
A Texas Christmas Wish
The Soldier’s Surprise Family
The Texan’s Secret Daughter
Lone Star Bride
Discover more at millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk).
The Texan’s Surprise Return
Jolene Navarro
www.millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk)
ISBN: 978-1-474-09922-6
THE TEXAN’S SURPRISE RETURN
© 2019 Jolene Navarro
Published in Great Britain 2019
by Mills & Boon, an imprint of HarperCollinsPublishers 1 London Bridge Street, London, SE1 9GF
All rights reserved including the right of reproduction in whole or in part in any form. This edition is published by arrangement with Harlequin Books S.A.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, locations and incidents are purely fictional and bear no relationship to any real life individuals, living or dead, or to any actual places, business establishments, locations, events or incidents. Any resemblance is entirely coincidental.
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www.millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk)
Note to Readers (#ue0c7ecc3-2169-5d69-8b8a-38ca39e89d87)
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Text to speech
“Xavier? Is that you? You’re…you’re alive.”
The shock in her voice was clear even though her voice was low.
Xavier’s thoughts whirled. Her voice and the large eyes belonged somewhere in his brain, but he couldn’t link her up to any useful memories. Stuck between confusion and euphoria, he wasn’t sure what to do. “You’re not my sister.”
She gasped. “No.”
He could hear the hurt in that simple word. This was someone he should know, but he couldn’t even see her.
“Xavier.” In slow motion her petite form started crumpling.
He rushed forward to catch her before she hit the edge of the porch.
A heavy beat of blood pounded against his skull, and his vision blurred to the point he had to close his eyes and hold the sickness at bay. But there was a rightness he hadn’t experienced since he’d woken up from the ambush.
Who is she? Should he leave?
No. For that moment she was in his arms, it was right.
He was finally where he belonged…
Dear Reader (#ue0c7ecc3-2169-5d69-8b8a-38ca39e89d87),
Welcome back to the Diamondback Ranch. In The Texan’s Secret Daughter, I had another secret. I couldn’t wait to tell you that Selena’s husband was alive. I couldn’t wait to get Xavier on the page. I knew it would be a tough journey.
Winning back someone’s love and trust is not easy and it shouldn’t be, but with God, Selena and Xavier were able to reclaim the lives He had meant for them.
Then there were the triplets. I had so much fun doing research into the lives of two-year-old triplets. I hope you enjoyed them as much as I did.
On a serious note, I want to acknowledge the work that inspired Xavier’s career choices.
The heartbreaking truth is the work Xavier does is very real and needed. It was inspired by a group called Operation Underground Railroad led by Tim Ballard. With the work groups like this do around the world, children are finding liberation.
Thank you for visiting my fictional coastal town of Port Del Mar (Port by the Sea). This is the second book in the Cowboys of Diamondback Ranch. If you missed the first, you can read Elijah and Jazmine’s story in The Texan’s Secret Daughter.
Many blessings,
Jolene Navarro
Now the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that ye may abound in hope, through the power of the Holy Ghost.
—Romans 15:13
Dedicated to Granner (Jo Ann Hutchinson). You are an inspiration as you go strongly into your nineties. Most important, you have shown me to trust God even when the storms of this world threaten to pull you under. Love you, Granner.
Contents
Cover (#u753f4fdf-7900-5616-8a54-f41b628475da)
Back Cover Text (#ud9e060f4-f1a2-51ba-b04e-026ca92c86cb)
About the Author (#uffabad1f-3a4f-534c-a3ea-f8d3614f396b)
Booklist (#u29db83ec-2eb8-593d-8022-81ca5bfe0474)
Title Page (#ua60603e5-c940-5650-a851-e724f20d770e)
Copyright (#u217d23e6-dfc9-5503-91cd-fc3996aca56d)
Note to Readers
Introduction (#u05b62723-eee0-5993-b4ca-ac855804d26d)
Dear Reader (#u42572128-4525-5339-b9ff-ed52ce7cd5cb)
Bible Verse (#uab8b7b09-8fe8-5362-a30f-c043e07612d5)
Dedication (#u924463fe-8301-53e4-887f-270f47b7ace2)
Chapter One (#u2b7c7853-c4fc-5b35-9c78-75ea354702fe)
Chapter Two (#u971780d7-cb0f-5ed6-bf21-d836c51f8388)
Chapter Three (#u612d7caa-4624-545b-9d97-e90efcfe9ac1)
Chapter Four (#uf7eee9e8-a098-5deb-a3a3-1222c1b3c70f)
Chapter Five (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Six (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Seven (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Eight (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Nine (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Ten (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Eleven (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Twelve (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Thirteen (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Fourteen (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Fifteen (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Sixteen (#litres_trial_promo)
Epilogue (#litres_trial_promo)
Extract (#litres_trial_promo)
About the Publisher (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter One (#ue0c7ecc3-2169-5d69-8b8a-38ca39e89d87)
Selena De La Rosa sighed and leaned against the old barn wall as she slipped off her heels. Except for the torturous shoes, the day had been perfect for an outdoor wedding and the family Christmas photos. The love she saw in Elijah’s eyes when he recommitted his life to Jazmine melted her heart in a way she didn’t think was possible anymore.
The weathered wood and the hundreds of tiny white lights, along with the mild Texas temperatures, created the ideal setting for both. Her twenty-two-month-old triplet boys now romped around with the stars of the show. Five baby goats in Christmas sweaters. Who could resist such cuteness?
An idea hit, and she pulled out her phone to make some work notes under her file labeled “Christmas by the Sea.” The big plans and budget items for the city were already set in motion, but she was constantly thinking of ideas and adding to her to-do list.
This project was two years in the making and, when it was all said and done, not only her boys but the whole town of Port Del Mar were going to have the Christmas she had dreamed of as a child. This was just the beginning; each year it would get bigger.
There was a tug on her formal dress. “Carry you.” Oliver, the smallest of her triplets reached his hands up to her.
Smiling down at him, she put the phone away and brushed a few strands of hay out of his hair. She couldn’t bring herself to correct his pronouns. They wouldn’t be babies forever.
They would never feel second place to her work either. Ever.
Lifting him up, she rubbed her nose against his sweet baby neck. A small goat in a red-and-green sweater jumped sideways at him, little bells softly jingling. Oliver giggled and snuggled closer to her.
Sawyer, the most energetic of her boys, laughed and ran with three other baby goats. His energy was still unbelievably high after the long day.
Finn, the oldest triplet, was almost down for the count. Cuddled between two identical white-and-brown goats, he whispered something very important as he fought to keep his eyelids open.
Selena took a picture of him with her phone.
“That is just cute kid overload.” Her sister-in-law Belle walked in, her elegant dark red gown looking out of place in the barn.
“The goat kids or the human kids?”
Laughing, Belle closed the sliding barn doors. “Both. I think the pictures we took earlier will be my favorite photos ever. We took our family Christmas pictures to a whole new level.” She picked up Sawyer and tickled him. “I can’t believe this one isn’t tired. They stole the show today during the wedding. If you’d let me share that video of them walking down the aisle with their happily-ever-after signs, it would go viral.”
“No social media. You know what Xavier would say about that and why.” She still had a hard time believing her husband had been gone for almost three years. This would be her third Christmas without him, but she had the boys and his family.
She kissed Oliver on the head and he snuggled closer. “My dad will be here in a moment to get the boys. Since our niece is staying with us, he’s taking your girls, too. They can have a big cousin sleepover.” She placed her hand on Oliver’s back and felt his heartbeat. Growing up she had always been alone. Now, because of Xavier, she had this big family that would always be here for her and the boys.
Belle shook her head in disbelief. “That’s six kids. Can Riff handle that many at once? I have no problem keeping Rosie while Elijah and Jazmine are on their honeymoon.”
“The girls help out a lot with the boys. Plus, years of managing high-maintenance musicians on the road prepared my dad for handling kids. Who knew?”
“God did.” Belle grinned as she sat on the ground next to Finn, Sawyer in her lap. “He prepares for us when we don’t even know we’re going to need it.”
Selena smiled. “I always dreamed of a house full of kids. Before we got married I used to tease Xavier that I wanted enough for a basketball team.”
Belle’s smile dimmed as she hugged the two boys closer. Selena hated seeing the light turn to sadness at the mention of her brother. “Don’t be sad. He was doing what he loved, and he did give me three of the cutest boys ever. It’s Christmas. Only joyous thoughts. He’d want you to be happy.”
“He’d want you to be happy, too.” Both women watched as Finn kissed a sleepy goat on its nose. He was singing a lullaby. Belle smiled and stood. “So, no more gloom. All good cheer from here on out. This will be the best Christmas ever. Starting with the best Christmas cards ever.”
Running from her, Sawyer tripped over his own boot and flopped headfirst into the hay. He glanced at Selena, waiting to see her reaction. With a big smile she reassured him it was fine. Giggling, he got up and went after the goats again.
Chasing him, Belle laughed as she swept him up and tickled him. “Your daddy would be so proud of you and your brothers.”
“Daddy!” Sawyer clapped.
Selena’s heart melted a little at the thought they would never meet him, but they would be surrounded by the people who had loved him and whom he had loved.
As if reading her thoughts, Belle kissed Sawyer’s cheek. “We’ll make sure your little guys know what a hero their daddy was.”
“Dada, Dada!” Now all three boys chimed in.
Her father joined them and together they got the boys’ paraphernalia into the Suburban. Her nieces chatted nonstop as all six kids were buckled in. Oliver was asleep before they had finished.
“Are you sure about this? I can go with you,” she offered again. “There are several people that stayed to help clean.”
“No, no. We’re good,” her father said. “The girls will help with the boys. Besides, you know they’ll be out before we leave the ranch road. You stay and hang out with the grown-ups. Have some fun. You act like an old lady. Buelita has more of a social life than you do, and she’s ninety-three.”
“I have a social life. I’m very busy.”
“No, you work a lot. It’s not the same. Jesse asked me about you again.”
She sighed. “He’s a pastor. That’s his job.”
“He’s the youth pastor, and he likes you. He stayed to help clean up tonight. Be nice. Say hi.”
Knowing she wouldn’t win this argument, she kissed him. “Love you. I’ll be home soon.”
He shook his head as if she was a lost cause. “Not too soon.”
She rolled her eyes, then moved to the steps and watched as the taillights disappeared down the long ranch road.
Everyone seemed to be ready for her to move on. Smiling, she crossed her arms against the cold and stood amid the blinking lights. Christmas lights always made everything better.
The velvet night sky was full of God’s points of light. Darkness could not coexist with light, so she had to keep the light burning bright for her family. The De La Rosas had had their fair share of darkness growing up. This Christmas was for them also, the happily-ever-after they all deserved.
As she was halfway up the steps, headlights swept across the porch, and Selena stopped and turned. Who could be coming so late? For a second, her heart kicked up a beat. What if something had happened to her father and the kids?
No, there hadn’t been enough time for them to even get off the ranch. It had to be a wedding guest who forgot something.
The sheriff put his SUV in Park behind a row of vehicles parked along the driveway. “I forgot about the wedding.” His deep Texas drawl was slow, as if he was speaking to a scared child. “Elijah and Jazmine remarried. It should be over by now and it looks like just a few cars are still here. Sorry, Xavier. I can take you back to town.”
Xavier. Xavier De La Rosa. The name still sounded foreign. After more than two years of being a hostage called Pedro Sandoval he was having a tough time adjusting. They said it had been a mistaken identity, but recalibrating wasn’t coming easy. He blinked. Everything was out of focus.
He’d be insulted by the sheriff’s tone if he didn’t feel like a lost six-year-old who didn’t know his mom’s real name. Then it hit him. Cicia. That had been his mother’s name, but she was gone. She had died before he was in high school. A wave of fresh grief hit him.
The long porch invited him to come closer. This was his family ranch, and yet there was a scared kid inside him afraid to go into the unknown. There were secrets waiting. The only person he remembered at all was his sister, Belle.
No, that wasn’t right. The sheriff said the woman was his cousin. He closed his eyes. Why did he think of her as his sister?
Three deep breaths refocused the blurred images darting in his brain. The scared little boy inside him wanted to run. But that house held the answers he needed to piece his life together.
“Xavier?” Sheriff Cantu’s voice broke into his thoughts.
“No.” His hand went to the door handle. “We’re here. It’s better that I meet everyone at once.”
Without waiting for the man next to him, he stepped out of the car. He would face his problems head-on. The quicker he gathered the information he needed, the faster he could return to Colombia. Why? He didn’t know. That’s what he hoped to learn here. He wanted answers and sitting here was not going to get him anywhere.
White Christmas lights wrapped every tree trunk and hung from the branches. More lights trailed along the fence going to the house. Wreaths with giant red bows hung on the posts. Even the surrounding barn was straight out of a winter wonderland storybook.
The roof to the single-story ranch house was outlined with blinking blue, green and red lights. White bulbs hanging like icicles dripped from the eaves.
The pressure throbbed against his skull. Frowning, he tugged his gaze away from the decorations. He hadn’t had a headache in two weeks.
It wasn’t even Thanksgiving for a few more days, but the place screamed Christmas already. So, this family of his loved the holidays. That would be about right for the way his life was going.
A new piece of information popped up. He discovered something about the man he used to be. Xavier De La Rosa wanted nothing to do with the Christmas season.
A woman in a long gown stood on the steps of the deep porch. His throat went dry as muscles tightened around his airway. “Belle?” He managed one word before the ability to talk left him again. Something wasn’t right.
The sheriff caught up with him at the bottom of the steps. “Wait up, Xavier.” The man placed a hand on his shoulder.
He stopped, but he kept his gaze on the woman silhouetted by the porch light. She was a tiny bit of curvy femininity. Not Belle.
Her hand went to the heavy post as she moved forward. For a moment the lights showcased her face, highlighting the curves and flawless skin, but then his sight went sideways. Narrowing his eyes, he refocused, but it didn’t help.
“Xavier? Is that you? You’re…” The shock in her voice was clear even though she spoke low. “You’re alive.”
His thoughts whirled. Her voice and the large eyes belonged somewhere in his brain, but he couldn’t link her up to any useful memories. Stuck between confusion and euphoria, he wasn’t sure what to do. There was one thing he did know. “You’re not my sister.”
She gasped. “No.”
Great. He could hear the hurt in that simple word. This was someone he should know, but he couldn’t make out the details of her face.
“Xavier.” In slow motion her petite form started crumpling.
He rushed forward to catch her before she hit the edge of the porch. One hand held her arm as the other went to support her back. He eased her down and sat next to her, the strange woman leaning against him.
A heavy beat pounded against his skull and his vision blurred to the point he had to close his eyes and hold the sickness at bay. But she was so warm and fit perfectly in his arms. There was a rightness he hadn’t experienced since the morning he woke up for the ambush.
Who is she?
Her free hand pressed against his chest, over his heart. The touch was affectionate and solid, even though she trembled. Should he leave?
No. For that moment she was in his arms, it was right. He was finally where he belonged. He knew that voice.
Under his palm, her ribs were expanding and retracting in short, hard pants. She didn’t lose consciousness, but he worried she was going into shock.
The sheriff crouched in front of them, his hands taking the small hands of the woman that belonged to Xavier. He shook his head. Where had that come from?
“Breathe, Selena.” Cantu’s voice was low and steady. “I’m so sorry about this. He arrived at the station and wanted to come out to the ranch. I thought it would be easier to get everything straightened out with Belle first, then have her tell you. He has memory loss and doesn’t—”
“It is you.” Wonder coated each of her words. Warm fingers touched his face. At first, he pulled back, but then he allowed her to explore him. Her slender fingers pushed his hair back, then went to his shoulder. Tears slipped from her eyes, her touch slowly trailed down his arm, as if making sure he was real.
He held still. She knew him. The soft sounds of surprise mixed with short bursts of nervous laughter.
Sheriff Cantu cleared his throat.
“Xavier, this is Selena.” Cantu stayed in front of her, his hand on her knee, but his gaze stayed trained on Xavier. “She’s your wife.”
His gaze darted to the sheriff, then back to her even though he couldn’t make out any details. “Wife?” Had he been able to get the word out?
She shook her head, as if trying to clear it. “I don’t understand. The security company you worked for told us you were dead.”
“I.D. had been switched between Xavier and a Colombian named Sandoval. The rebel thought he was Sandoval and he didn’t know who he was.” Cantu placed his hand on her shoulder. “Is Elijah still here? Damian?”
The names shot through Xavier’s head. Pressure was building. These were people he should know. “My brothers?”
The sheriff stood. His knees popped.
Large eyes full of confusion, searching his face. “Elijah is your cousin.” She said then lifted her face to the other man. “He already left for his honeymoon. Damian doesn’t do crowds or people in any form. He left for his cabin hours ago.” Her body shifted, and she leaned closer to him. Honey and wildflowers soothed him. Her warm breath caressed his ear. “Damian is your younger brother. He’s back from the Middle East.”
Her grip around his wrist tightened, holding him in place. Feeling trapped, he wanted to jerk away from her and run, but he knew she was just holding on to him out of fear and shock. He was free to walk if he wanted, he reminded himself. He was free.
“You don’t remember them either?”
He shook his head, unable to form any words yet.
“Elijah and you were so close. More like brothers. He was your best friend and business partner. Your father had guardianship of him and Belle. You grew up together.” A desperate edge lined each word.
Cantu made his way up the steps. “Belle’s inside?”
“Yes, with a few others.” Her gaze stayed linked with Xavier’s and her hand went back to his face. “You’re here. Right in front of me. How did this happen? Why were we told you were dead?”
His hand rolled into a fist under her hold. Xavier fought the urge to push his forehead against his palm. He didn’t know these people. But he couldn’t allow himself to show any weakness. His jaw gritted, he stared straight ahead.
“Let me get Belle and send everyone else home.” Two steps later, the sheriff stopped. “What about the ki—”
“My dad took all the kids to my house. We were about to clean up. Belle’s in the backyard,” she replied, her voice sounding stronger.
When the door opened and closed behind the sheriff, he was alone with a wife he didn’t remember. Shifting, he pulled out of her reach. If he had any chance of controlling his ability to speak and think, he needed space.
Leaning against the post opposite of her, he looked out into the night, past the lights and into the darkness. In the silence, he could make out the waves hitting the distant shore.
Homesickness was a sucker punch to his gut. It almost knocked him back. Until this moment he hadn’t realized how much he had missed the ocean. “The ranch? Does it go to the Gulf?”
She got to her feet but didn’t move toward him. “Yes. There’s over a mile of coastline. About half is sandy beaches, the other half rocky. How do you not remember?”
“We were ambushed. I was unconscious for a few days. When I came to, I had no memory. I woke up in a hidden camp.” His voice was raw and low.
“The rebel group?” She moved closer.
Turning, he tried to study her face. He nodded, and pain shot up his neck, going straight to his eyes.
“None of that matters right now. You’re home. It’s a miracle.” A soft laugh floated in the air. “I don’t use that word lightly. But I don’t know what else to call it when a man returns home from the dead.” Her mouth turned up at the corners. “At Christmastime, no less. My eyes say you’re here, but it doesn’t seem real.” She cupped his face, her thumb smoothing over his cheekbone.
Giving in to the pain, he lowered his body to the steps, dropped his head in his hands. He closed his eyes, but the torturous Christmas joy drove through his lids with each pulse.
Following him, she sat at his side. Her gentle touch was warm on his shoulder. “What’s wrong? Can I help?”
He stiffened against the desire to lean into her. “Lights.”
Coldness set in as soon as she pulled away. “Oh. Of course. I’m so sorry.” And with that she was gone.
Alone, he rubbed hard against his scalp, pushing the pain away. It was stronger than him. He heard the door open, and immediately the lights went dead.
The peaceful light of the moon was a welcome relief and he took in a deep breath. The door closed, and her soft footsteps stopped right behind him. His gaze stayed focused on his boots.
“Is that better?” Her voice was as soft as a summer shower washing away the heat and grime.
He nodded when all he really wanted to do was beg her to hold him. He might not have clear memories of her, but she was somewhere inside him. The need to be close to her had him wanting to share his fears and concerns.
He didn’t share with anyone.
Despite his best efforts to keep her at a distance, she settled in next to him. One more inch and she could rest her head on his shoulder. His gut tightened. “We’ve done this before. Sat on the steps and looked at the stars. You’d rest your head on my shoulder.” The memory was like an old photograph, without any sense of time or reason.
One move and she had her head resting on him, her hand flat against his heart. “You remember.”
He hated the hushed excitement in the soft voice.
“No. More like a feeling of déjà vu.”
The smell of honey and wildflowers surrounded him in the quietness of the night. The scent made him want to bury himself in her hair and hide, but he didn’t. The scent was so familiar. More so than his own name. He snorted at the irony of that.
“What is it?” she asked him.
He reached out and touched a strand of hair falling along the side of her face in a long, lazy curl. The rest of her hair, dark and thick, sat in some sort of fancy twist on the top of her head. “I know your scent. Summer Sunshine.” He closed his eyes and groaned.
Before the last word was out, he wanted to pull it all back. “That sounded kind of creepy.”
“How do you not know me, but you know the name of my shampoo and lotion?”
“I’m not sure. Maybe smell has its own memory bank?”
“It’s from a local farm. I’ve worn it since high school. No matter where you were, each Christmas I’d get a basket full of the soaps, shampoos and lotions, even laundry pods and candles from you.”
“I haven’t been…” The words stopped. Not a single found it to his lips. He closed his eyes and gritted his teeth.
She waited but then must have realized he couldn’t speak.
“No.” She sighed. “I was debating whether to go and buy it myself. It would mean you were really gone. But you must have set it up on an annual thing because I received a box in the mail. The first year I cried like a baby.” She sat up and pulled her knees up to her chest. “Receiving the gift was strangely like losing you all over again.”
Unshed tears were in her voice, but she wasn’t crying. He wanted to make it right but didn’t have a clue how to go about doing that.
With a sigh and her face turned to his, she touched the corner of his eye, tracing the scar that went to his jaw. “What do you remember?”
He searched his memory, trying to pull up something, anything, that might make her smile, but it was still blank. “I’m sorry. Until they extracted me from the camp, I thought I was someone else. My brain is a scrambled mess of false information.”
She stood and walked to the other side of the steps, gripping the railing. He readied his body to catch her if she fell again. To his relief, she settled in one of the rocking chairs.
“You know my scent, but you don’t know who I am?” she repeated.
Xavier didn’t say a word. Instead, he studied the night sky. In her voice there was so much hurt. Hurt he had caused. “Now that I’m home, the doctors say I have a good chance of recovering most of my memories. And with therapy, my eyesight could be healed.”
“Your eyesight?”
He tapped his fingers against his head. “I had some damage. Brain trauma. My vision was affected.” He stopped talking and closed his eyes. “But I know your voice. It’s here.” He touched his temple. “I just need to sort through the information.”
She gasped. “You’re blind.”
“Not really. More of depth issues and…” He rubbed his forehead. “Words are sometimes hard to form. There’s a disconnect from my head to my mouth. It all comes and goes.”
Wife. Selena. Yes. Those words he knew.They just needed filing in the right place, connected to the right images. Then he could get his life back.
Carefully, he opened his eyes and tried to explain again. But how could he when he didn’t understand it himself?
“Xavier, this is just so overwhelming.”
Before he could reply, the door opened. He stood, not wanting to be in a position of weakness. A blur of figures rushed the porch. One didn’t stop at the steps but leaped from the porch into his arms.
All four of her limbs wrapped around him. She was crying his name repeatedly, her words coming so fast he couldn’t organize them.
But the smell of her was so familiar that tears burned his eyes.
“Belle, sweetheart. Ease up a bit.” Selena now stood behind her.
This was his cousin, raised with him as a sibling. She squeezed, silently refusing to let him go. His arms tightened. He had hurt her. This tall woman he had protected since she was a small girl. He had promised to always be there for her through all the trials they had faced together. To the world she had looked strong and fierce, but he had known the truth.
She had needed him in ways no one else had.
Was that why he remembered her instead of his own wife? He took in the front of the house. And then it hit him.
This was where he had grown up. Memories bombarded his brain, images, sights and sounds ricocheting and pinging around his mind until he couldn’t make any sense out of them. Pain and anger mixed with laughter. It was like someone recording as they made a mad dash through an art museum.
He tried closing his eyes again to block the imagery, to take control and slow down the flood of memories he didn’t have the time to process.
Belle pulled back and gripped his face. “It is you! How? I can’t believe this.”
Selena gently tugged her off him. “He doesn’t remember us. Give him some space.”
A small sob came from Belle.
Guilt kept him from pointing out he did know Belle. Not any detailed memories, but he knew who she was to him.
One more hug and she dropped to her feet. Reluctantly he let her go. The two women were complete opposites in stature. Tall and strong, Belle looked more than capable of running a ranch. He turned to the woman behind her, his wife. She was the opposite. So small he could imagine she’d break easily.
More people gathered on the porch. He took a step back. Unable to make out details or faces, he closed his eyes again. How many of these people was he supposed to know?
Xavier glanced around, uneasy at all the unfamiliar people staring at him. His head was pounding, his stomach upset, his whole body aching. He leaned closer to Belle and lowered his voice. “Is there somewhere more private I could sit down?” He brought his eyes up to his sister’s face. “I’m sorry. I just…”
His sight blacked out, his heart raced, and heat suffused his body. All the signs of a panic attack were being checked off. He needed to get somewhere fast.
Soft hands touched his upper arm. Looking down, he fell into the large golden-brown eyes of Selena, his wife. A memory surfaced of sitting across from her in a booth, laughing as she stole food from his basket after claiming not to be hungry. She worried that her tiny hourglass figure would turn into a beach ball.
He had laughed, but his words had never reassured her, so he had let her steal his fries without comment.
Her fingers squeezed his arm, bringing him back to the present. “Do you want to follow me? There’s a room in the house we can go.”
He wanted to tell her about the memory, but it was too late. His mouth couldn’t form a word.
People were talking, asking questions, everyone blended into one giant mob. He reached for her hand, lacing his fingers with hers, and nodded. He followed her blindly through the small crowd as people touched him, greeting him. They all meant to be friendly, but it was too much.
As she opened the door, he heard Sheriff Cantu explaining to everyone that it was time to go home.
Home. Would he find the answers he needed? Would he ever be whole enough to finish the job he started? He didn’t know what that meant yet, but his brain wouldn’t let go of the phrase.
Return and finish the job. He didn’t know who or what, but he would get it done. That’s one thing he knew about himself. He never left a job undone.
He just needed to figure out what the job was and who he was working for. Then he’d go back and take care of business. He closed his eyes to ease the pressure in his skull. One day at a time. First, he needed to heal his body, regain his memories, and then he could go back to Colombia.
Chapter Two (#ue0c7ecc3-2169-5d69-8b8a-38ca39e89d87)
Selena led him deep into the house, where they’d be surrounded by silence instead of curious stares. The office was at the end of the hall, behind the kitchen. She closed the door. “You can open your eyes now, if you want.”
Selena dropped his hand and stepped back. And for what seemed like an eternity, they stared at each other. There was so much to say, but all she really wanted to do was look at him. Since she’s received the news of his death, a part of her had expected him to show up, walk through the door, back from another secret mission. But everyone told her that was a normal part of grief. What they didn’t know about was the guilt.
Especially with the way they had lost him, with no real closure. Just a box of ashes and belongings. It had seemed so surreal, but now he had walked back into her life and it was just as unsettling. “Whose ashes do we have?”
“Pedro Sandoval. They thought I was him and that Xavier De La Rosa had been killed. Our I.D.s had been switched, and I don’t know why.”
She sat on the edge of the small sofa and pointed to the chair across from her. He sank into the soft leather. She tried to gather her thoughts. That proved to be impossible.
Raising his head, he took in the room, then shot up from the chair. “I don’t want to be in here.”
Searching for the door, he spun until he found it. His chest expanded in short, shallow pants and he pressed his forehead to the solid wood.
Selena jumped up and took his hand. When she opened the door, he shut it again.
“There are people out there.” His voice was raw.
“It’s okay. We’ll go across the hall. No one will see us.” He nodded, clinging to her fingers.
As her bare feet hit the wood floors, she mentally slapped herself for bringing him into one of the worst places for his memories. She wondered if he remembered clearly what had transpired in this office, or if he merely got a bad feeling being in here. His old room was close by, but it was covered in his nieces’ love for pink and horses.
She led him into the girls’ bedroom. “This is better, right?”
He dropped her hand and flexed his fingers. “Great, now you think I’m a complete freak.”
She couldn’t stop a giggle. “You could always find humor at your quirks. This is your old room. Now Belle’s girls share it.”
He sat on the edge of one of the twin beds, looking a little out of place on the old-fashioned quilt with its blocks of bright pink and purple.
“So my quirks aren’t new. Not sure how I feel about that.” His eyes turned darker. “Why did that room upset me?”
“Sorry about that.” Selena moved the wicker chair from the small white desk closer to the bed. To him. “Did you remember the room?” A catch in her voice warned her she was barely holding on.
He shook his head. “There were shadows reaching for me, pulling me under. A major anxiety attack was hovering, waiting to hijack me.” He lowered his head and massaged his temples. “This room doesn’t do that. All the pink and purple scares the shadows.” He looked up and the crooked grin that melted her heart every single time emerged. That smile had gotten him out of trouble more times than she could count.
Her throat constricted, and she pressed her lips together to stop the sob. She didn’t think she’d ever see that smile again.
“I think it’s okay if we’re confused and overwhelmed.”
He scoffed. “That might be an understatement. What was that room?”
“Your father’s office. You always hated that room and refused to go in it.”
Shaking his head, he pinched the bridge of his nose. “It was like dark clouds were trying to swallow me in there. I couldn’t breathe. Memories were fighting against my own brain.”
She grimaced. “Sorry. I imagine some of his worst punishments happened in there.”
He jerked his head up and sat straight, on high alert. Unspoken horrors flooded his gaze. “My father. Where is he?”
The heaviness of something close to hatred crept into the room. Her skin crawled.
She felt the need to hold him and went to him, taking one hand in both of hers. She savored the feel of his warmth. “I’m sorry.” She bit her lips. There was so much to tell him. “He’s dead. He died six months ago.”
His eyes narrowed, shifting between green and gray. He tilted his chin to the ceiling as if looking for answers. “I should feel something, right? Is it wrong that I’m not upset?” Confusion clouded those beautiful eyes. He shook his head. “How?”
“Damian found him on the back five hundred when his horse came in without a rider. Basically, he drank himself to death.”
For a while, the room was shrouded in silence. Selena’s hand stayed on his forearm. She just wanted to stay here, not push or pull him. Xavier was alive and well. There were so many problems lingering over them, but for now she wanted to forget everything and absorb this marvel of him sitting next to her.
She wanted to live here, in this peace. The man that had held her hand as she grew into a woman was home. Even if everything was different now, she wanted to hold off from reality as long as possible and just be in this bigger-than-life moment.
A sound on the other side of the door jarred her. Xavier shifted so that he was between the door and Selena.
It eased open and Belle stepped through. She moved to the end of the bed, her fingers interlocked in front of her. “Is it okay if I sit next to you? Please?”
The corner of his mouth twitched. “I don’t remember you ever asking permission for anything before.”
Selena scooted back, dropped contact with him. How could he know so much about his family but not her? “You remember that?”
“It was a guess.” He shrugged, then reached out and took Belle’s hand, stopping her from moving away from him. “Sorry. Yes, please sit next to me.”
The bed squeaked slightly as her weight came down next to him. Her hands found his, twining their fingers together.
Belle stared at him as if she still couldn’t believe he was here, sitting with them. Selena totally understood that.
She glanced at Selena. “We went ahead and cleaned up. I thought y’all might want a little time to yourselves.” Her gaze went back to Xavier. “All of the guests have gone home. My girls went with—” Belle shot a questioning look at Selena.
Frantically, she shook her head. Oh, no, she hadn’t told him about the triplets. She hoped Belle would get the message. Telling him about the boys was too much tonight.
“Your girls…” Xavier pinched the top of his nose. “Cassie and Lucy?”
Eyes wide, Belle nodded. Raising her hand to touch his cheek, she smiled. “You remember the girls?”
“Just now, when you mentioned them, their names came to me. I was there when they were born.”
“You were my birth coach. You and Selena.”
How did he know their names but had forgotten hers? Selena bit her lip. Now was not the time to cry, not here in front of them.
“So we were raised together? What about your parents? How—” His words just stopped. He closed his eyes.
“My mother is your aunt. She dumped Elijah and me here when we got in the way. No clue about our fathers. But it doesn’t matter. We’ve always had each other’s…” she bit her lip. “And now your back.”
Xavier wrapped an arm around her and pressed his forehead to hers. “You were the only thing I remembered from my past.”
“They told us that the company you were traveling with was ambushed. Everyone was killed when your vehicle took a direct hit and exploded. So how are you here?” Belle now had both of her hands wrapped around his left one, as if she was afraid he would disappear again if she let go.
Horror filled Selena’s brain. Her voice cracked several times as the words came out, one by one. “Should we have come looking for you?”
“No. It wouldn’t have made a difference.” Xavier tilted his head back. “The only information I have on the timeline of events is the version the authorities gave me, but it still feels like it all happened to someone else.”
She could tell he didn’t want to talk about it. The strain of stringing the words together took so much from him. She stood and was going to suggest they stop for the night and get some rest, but he spoke.
“At first my brain was a complete blank. When I woke up, I was a hostage in a guerrilla camp.”
Belle’s fingers tightened around his.
Selena took his other hand in hers. The calloused skin over strong fingers was so familiar. It was as if he had never been gone.
“You’ve been a hostage for the last two years,” Belle whispered.
Selena could hear the harsh emotion in Belle’s voice.
He took his hand out of hers and tucked a loose strand of hair behind Belle’s ear. “My memories had been confused. I thought they were lying when the authorities told me you were my cousin.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “We were raised together? We survived my father?”
Belle’s breath caught, as if she was holding back a cry. She nodded. “And you survived Colombia.”
He cut his gaze across the room, where several family pictures were thumbtacked to the wall. “Elijah’s your brother. Damian’s my younger brother. Is there anyone else?”
Selena could tell that Belle was too emotional to talk, so she took over. “There’s a much younger sister, Gabby. But you haven’t seen or heard from her in years.”
With a deep scowl on his face, he leaned back.
Selena reached out a hand and rested it on his arm. “We have time for this later,” she said with a catch in her throat.
The boys. She needed to tell him about their sons. But that wasn’t news she could just drop now. Oh, by the way, you have triplets.
“Selena, I’m so sorry—”
“Shh. We’ll talk later.”
Since the moment she saw him, her insides had been numb. What if she was dreaming? People didn’t return from the dead, not in real life. But the scars on his face and the gauntness were too real. How much weight had he lost?
The haunted shadows in his eyes were the worst thing. He was struggling to remember her.
She gave him space, but her hand rubbed his arm. “It’s okay. You don’t have to—”
His hand covered hers. Desperation haunted his Spanish-moss eyes.
“I had flashes and images of things that I didn’t understand.”
He had always been too proud to beg, but he seemed to be on the cusp of falling to his knees and crying.
“It’s okay,” she whispered. “You don’t have to understand tonight.” She stroked his hair. “I think this has been a little too much for all of us. You need rest. There are a million questions, but right now I can’t organize my thoughts, so I can’t imagine what you’re going through.”
She pushed his hair back from his temple. “When was the last time you ate?”
“I’m sure it hasn’t been that long. I don’t reme—”
She gave him a look that stopped his words. “If you don’t remember, then it’s been too long, right? You have something for pain?”
Belle patted his hand. “When I get a headache, a dark room and an ice pack work wonders.”
“An ice pack and no light or sound would be great right now.” He kept his eyes closed.
“You’re home, now you need sleep. We’ll talk in the morning.” Selena stood and stepped back. “Do you have meds?”
He nodded. “In my backpack. I think I dropped it by the car.”
Belle went to the door. “Cantu brought it in. I’ll get it for you. I’ll get you something to eat, too. Do you need anything else?”
“Just a dark room.”
“You might not recognize it with all the pink, but this was your old room. It’s Cassie’s and Lucy’s now.”
He moved to stand. “I’m not going to take their—”
“Stop. They’re at a sleepover tonight.” Belle opened the door. “Tomorrow you’ll go home with Selena, but for tonight let me take care of you. I’ll fix all your favorite breakfast foods before sending you home with your wife.”
Selena forced her lungs to work. Of course, everyone would assume he’d go home with her. That was his house. She rubbed her temples. There had to be another solution.
Belle firmly shut the door behind her, unaware of the seed of panic she had planted in Selena’s mind.
“Does anyone ever win an argument with her?” he asked.
Selena snorted and stood. “Nope. Tomorrow will be time enough to plan out where you’ll stay.” She had until morning to come up with a legit reason he couldn’t come home with his wife. No one knew that their marriage had been over.
“I didn’t come back for people to take care of me.” Low and gravelly, his voice turned her spine to mush. She straightened.
“You can’t drive. You can’t see, and you can’t speak some of the time. Living on your own is not an option right now. And where would you get the money?”
He growled. Actually growled at her.
“I know you don’t remember our house or me, but there had been a garage added and you converted it into a man cave. It’s right next to the house. You can stay there. Xavier, I’m sorry but—”
“Let’s make an agreement not to apologize every time we speak the truth, or the word sorry is going to get repetitive and obnoxious.” He didn’t look very happy. “I have money in an account. It’ll take care of any needs I have.” His back was straight, his jaw set in a very familiar hard line.
No doubt about it, his pride was still intact.
She wanted to ask him when they started keeping secret accounts. He wouldn’t remember anyway.
He sighed. “I hate this.”
“We’re family, and family takes care of each other. We’ll work it out tomorrow.” Maybe another solution would come in the light of day. She wasn’t sure having him back in her space would be good for any of them.
He rubbed his head again.
“Belle is bringing your meds and some food. Do you want me to turn off the light?”
Nodding, he kept his eyes closed.
After plunging the room into darkness, she turned and rushed out the door. As soon as it closed, she pressed her back to the wall and slid to the floor in the hallway.
Selena wrapped her arms around her middle. The emotions she had been holding in erupted. Her husband had returned from the dead and was home. They’d been granted this incredible, life-altering gift.
But where did that leave them now? Their marriage had fallen apart before he left. It had been over, but with the news of his death she had decided not to follow through with the divorce. She didn’t even know where the papers were now.
There had been no point to mess with everyone’s memories of him.
She hadn’t talked to anyone about their problem. No one knew. Her husband didn’t even know.
When they’d gotten married, he’d told her that he would love her forever and that nothing would ever separate them. He’d vowed back then that, even if he lost everything, she would be the one thing he clung to. Apparently, forever had a time limit.
The day he left for the job, the anger had consumed her. In a rage she had gone online and had found the website to start legally ending their marriage. She had wanted the paper in hand when he walked through the door to prove how serious she was about ending his secret work. But he had never walked back into their house.
So much in her life had changed. She had to tell him about the triplets. That would be a shock, even if he had all his memories.
Before he left for the last job, they had gotten another negative result on a pregnancy test. As he had held her, he’d said it might be for the best.
At the time, that had torn her heart in two. They had always been on the same page, but she had drawn into herself, had pushed him out. The love that had burned bright had gone out. They had been left with nothing but ashes.
Now she wasn’t even a part of his memories.
She would never forget staring at the door after he left, waiting for him to come back. He hadn’t returned. Until now. But it wasn’t real. He hadn’t returned to her.
There would be no starting over.
She wouldn’t think of the past. Instead she chose to focus on the boys. They had their father now.
“Selena.” Belle stood in front of her, a duffel bag over her shoulder and a plate of food in one hand. She crouched down. “Sweetheart, are you okay?”
She nodded.
“So, you didn’t tell him about the boys?”
Her throat was too tight to speak. She just shook her head.
Dropping the bag and setting the food aside, Belle pulled Selena into her arms. She shifted, leaning against the wall. “We have him back. It’s something straight out of a movie. But we’re De La Rosas, and we don’t do anything the easy way. Not even death or reunions. And, man, his timing. ‘Home for Christmas’ has a whole new meaning.”
Selena couldn’t help but snort against the denim jacket Belle had put on over her formal gown. “It’s the most amazing gift ever. Belle, I spent the last so much time telling myself that he was gone forever. Now I’m so afraid I’ll wake up and find out this is some twisted dream.”
“I know. But for Xavier this has to be a nightmare. We don’t have a clue what he’s been through.”
“I should have told him about the boys.”
Belle shook her head. “No. It would have been too much. In the morning, after we’ve all had time to process, we’ll talk. This is better. This way, as soon as you tell him, he can meet them. There’s no point in telling him now. He already has too much information to process. You did the right thing.”
Or had it just been the easier thing? She wriggled out of Belle’s embrace and stood. “Let me take this to him. Then I want to go check on my boys.”
Understanding and warmth radiated from Belle’s deep gray-green eyes, so much like Xavier’s. A sob escaped her throat,
She needed to hold her babies and snuggle them, to feel their little heartbeats. They didn’t even know their world had just changed.
Four years ago, she’d been too angry at God to trust him with her marriage or anything else. Not leaning on Him had led her to push her husband away. This time she had to stay in her faith. She had to trust God.
One thing was for sure. She couldn’t trust her heart or the stranger that the world saw as her husband.
Chapter Three (#ue0c7ecc3-2169-5d69-8b8a-38ca39e89d87)
Yellows and soft pinks marbled the sky as the sun rose from the watery horizon. Selena glanced into the rearview mirror, checking on the boys out of habit. In the far backseat of the Suburban, her nieces were singing. From the corner of her gaze, she caught her own reflection.
Puffy, bloodshot eyes made it obvious there had been no sleep for her last night. She’d lost track of the hours she and Belle had talked on the phone. Every time one of them had said good-night and promised to go to sleep, the other would call again.
Her phone vibrated and she cast a glance at her father seated beside her. “Dad, would you check that and see if it’s someone I need to talk to?” The phone had not stopped for the last few hours. Word had spread that her husband was back from the dead. She wanted to turn it off, but with so much going on, she didn’t dare.
Riff glanced at the screen, then shook his head. “Not anyone you need to talk to right now.”
“Tía Selena!” Cassie, Belle’s older daughter, yelled from the third-row seat. “Lucy and Rosie won’t stop singing. I have a headache.”
Elijah’s six-year-old daughter’s eyes went wide, and she clamped her lips closed. Lucy just sang louder.
“Lucy, I love your voice, but it is a bit early. Be nice and wait to sing once we’re out of the car.”
The tight pressure pushed harder at the front of her skull.
Her father stared at his coffee without taking a sip. “This has to be a crazy dream. How is Xavier back from the dead? Are you sure it’s him?” Even though his voice was low, he twisted and looked at the boys, worry on his face. “Oh, I shouldn’t say stuff in front of them, but I can’t even start…” His voice dropped, and tears hovered in his eyes again.
Riff had loved Xavier from the moment she had introduced them. Other fathers cleaned guns and threatened new boyfriends, but not her dad. No. One look at the young Xavier and her father had wrapped his arms around him and encouraged her to keep that boy around. Then he’d taken off on another tour.
When they’d received word of Xavier’s death, her father had come home and hadn’t left. She kept expecting to wake up one morning to find him at the door with his bags packed, but for the first time in her life, he had stayed.
Sawyer, Finn and Oliver chattered in the nonsensical language they all seemed to understand completely. Even Oliver, usually the quiet one, was full of energy and giggles today.
It was as if they knew something very important was about to happen.
How was Xavier going to react? Fingers tightening around the leather of the steering wheel, Selena focused back on the road.
She was taking the boys to the ranch to meet—Her stomach heaved, and she couldn’t finish the thought. She glanced in the rearview mirror to check the boys. “They don’t even understand what it means that their father is dead. Was dead.” She blew out a puff of air. “Belle’s going to watch them while we talk. The baby goats are in the barn, so they’ll keep the children occupied. I thought you’d want to see him before he meets the boys.”
Her father shook his head. “What if he doesn’t remember me? I’m not sure. Meeting the boys is more important.” Lifting his mug, Riff sipped at the hot liquid.
Selena turned west toward the ranch, the sunrise now in her rearview mirror. There was a new day ahead of them. One that she never saw coming.
Her three nieces had fallen quiet in the back, but her boys chattered in the second row. Her father remained silent for the fifteen-minute ride out of town to the ranch. With each inch, Selena’s nerves pulled tighter. Xavier was alive. Her babies had their father. Just in time for Christmas. But to her he was a stranger.
Arriving at the house, Selena pulled up to the front porch. Before she cut the engine, Belle rushed out the door.
Glancing to the back of the Suburban, she spoke in a low voice. “I’ll take them out to play with the goats while y’all talk. I’ve been with him all morning. Damian stopped by, but he just left. We decided to wait and tell Elijah on the last day of their honeymoon. This is just so mind-blowing.”
Her words whizzed by like bullets as she got Finn out of his car seat.
Selena unbuckled Sawyer as Belle continued. “When you’re ready for them, just come on out and they can meet. We haven’t told him. He seems a bit overwhelmed. We all do, right?”
Belle bit her lip and wiped her eyes with her free hand, the other balancing Finn on her hip. With a big smile on her face she greeted the kids. “Good morning, gang! Everyone have a good night?”
The kids all greeted her with varying degrees of cheerfulness.
Her father moved around to Selena’s side. Oliver hung over his shoulder, giggling. Riff kissed her on the cheek. “I don’t think I’m ready to see blankness in his eyes if he doesn’t remember me. I’ll help with the boys for now.” He took Sawyer from her and tossed him over his other shoulder. He kissed her cheek. “I’ll give Belle time to tell the girls.”
With her father and Belle herding the kids to the barn, Selena headed toward the door. All the hurt and anger that was bubbling up needed to go away. She didn’t have time for a meltdown.
Xavier was back from the dead. He was here. He had been her best friend for so many years. Then they had pushed each other away. Maybe she did more of the shoving. Now she had no idea who he was or what he wanted from her.
A million emotions bombarded her. Simple, clear thought was impossible.
Breakfast smells swamped the house. Bacon, toast, cinnamon and coffee filled the air. Belle’s go-to when she was stressed was to feed people, so Selena wasn’t surprised to see the table piled with food.
Xavier sat with his back to her. His broad shoulders didn’t carry the muscles he’d left with three years ago. He’d always been solid and strong.
The healthy, well-muscled husband who had walked out her door for another adventure was gone. It was hard for her brain to recognize this man as the one she’d been told was dead.
When he’d left that last time, she thought her heart couldn’t be more broken. But then the news of his death had arrived, and she’d discovered what broken really meant.
Guilt made grieving harder. The only thing that had pulled her off the floor had been the three little wonders growing inside her at the time. Wonders who carried the pieces of her shattered heart.
He shifted and turned. Those once marvelous gray-green eyes that all the De La Rosas possessed were faded and flat.
Something wet hit her shirt and she looked down. Tears again? Taking a deep breath, she wiped her eyes and gave the solemn man at the breakfast table a smile.
Solemn. That was a word she would never have used for the Xavier who went to Colombia. He had been in continuous motion, a gleam in his brilliant eyes.
The gleam had disappeared a year before he left, but, too wrapped in her own insecurities, she hadn’t noticed the changes in him. They had been a mess. Her forehead knitted in a frown.
With a deep breath, she relaxed her face and gave him her best smile. Well, she tried, but a tight and forced one was the best she could manage for now.
He stood and wiped his hands on his jeans. “Morning, Selena.”
“Good morning.” So ordinary and normal. The giggles started, and she couldn’t stop.
Without a single word, he lifted one eyebrow, silently asking what her problem was.
Every time she tried to speak, the uncontrollable giggles started again. Xavier stared at her like she’d lost her mind. Which was a good possibility. “I’m sorry. I’m just…” And there it went again. “When I’m nervous I…”
He nodded like he understood, but the doubt in his eyes told her he didn’t know her the way he used to. With his right hand, he made a gesture to the table. “Belle’s made a variety of breakfast foods.”
He was polite enough to ignore the ridiculous giggling. “Plus, there’s a platter full of what she assures me are my favorites. She and Damian already ate, and there’s still enough to feed an army.”
She nodded. “My father is here to see you. Do you remember him?”
He shook his head. “I don’t think so but seeing him might help. Sorry.”
How many wonderful memories were gone?
“So, Damian came down from his hideout to talk with you?” she asked him. “Did seeing him help with the memories?”
His expression shut down. “Some, but not like I hoped.”
Remember me. Please. Oh, no. The tears were starting again.
Concern colored his every word. “I’m sorry. I want to help you, but I don’t know how.”
That was the same problem they had before he left. “No, I’m good. I should be the one offering help to you.” She straightened her spine. “No more crying or irrational giggling.”
Doubt furrowed his brow.
“I’m okay. I promise,” she assured him.
Under his steady gaze, she repeated the words. “I promise.”
Now less than ten feet apart, they stared at each other, neither talking. Last night had seemed like a dream, but today, even with all the blinds covering the large kitchen window, she could see him as if he were illuminated. The gauntness, the lines and the scars testified to the hardships he’d endured since he’d walked out her door.
She took a step closer. Should she just blurt out that he had three sons? No. “Are you feeling better this morning?”
With a stiff smile, he nodded. She didn’t believe him.
All night she had thought about him being alone, hungry and cold during those years, not knowing if anyone was coming for him. “You were the only one to survive the attack?”
“I’m the only one they took from our caravan, as far as I know. I have zero recall for the actual event or anything leading up to it.” He fidgeted with his hands, then shifted his weight and gripped the back of the chair. “Can we sit down?”
“Oh, yes.” She went around him to the opposite side of the farm table and sat in a chair. “Sorry. You must be exhausted. You said your sight was damaged. Does it affect your balance?”
Again, a simple nod. His gaze traveled the room, covering every area but where she sat. During the early years, talking had been so easy for them. Then the miscarriage created a shift in their relationship, and each negative pregnancy test had driven them farther apart. Looking back, she knew she had been as much to blame as he was.
Avoiding each other, they’d become strangers living in the same house, but that wasn’t even close to the feeling she had now. Now they were true strangers.
They were also parents.
She studied his face, tossing a few words around. Hey, guess what? You know that whole can’t-have-kids thing? Well, our prayers were answered and now you have three sons. Welcome home to a wife you don’t remember and babies you didn’t know existed.
It would be nice if they could have one normal conversation first. How exactly did one have normal conversations with someone who had been dead for the last two years? She didn’t know, so she asked the first question that came to mind. “So, what do you remember?”
After what seemed like an hour of silence, Xavier cleared his throat. “I can’t remember anything leading up to the attack in Colombia. Before that? Everything is fuzzy, mixed with the false memories they beat into me when they thought I was Pedro Sandoval. I don’t know which are real and which are made up.” He finally looked at her, his eyes desperate as his gaze searched her face.
“I do remember more about you now,” he said. “Last night I had a memory about you stealing my fries, but I didn’t have the words to tell you.”
“Really?” The nervous giggle took over again. She covered her mouth.
“It’s all right. I like your giggle. I do have a few images of you. But it’s like watching videos of someone else. There are holes. Actually, more like craters.” He reached across the table, then moved his hand back.
Little touches used to come so easily and naturally for them. Now she didn’t know what to do. Last night was surreal, like a twisted painting out of a dream. Everything in her responded to him. But they were strangers.
She didn’t trust that he was here, within reach. “What else do you remember?” She leaned closer.
He grinned. “I had a dream last night. You were wearing a long dress the color of sunset. But not dancing with me.” He narrowed his eyes. “By the end of the evening you were mine.” He looked down as if searching for something he’d lost.
“That was homecoming our junior year. When you finally got the nerve to ask me out.” She leaned forward. “Do you remember our senior prom?”
He hesitated and twisted his lips to the left. “No.”
She bit back the disappointment. None of this was going to be easy. Not wanting him to feel guilty, she kept her gaze on the oversize cinnamon roll she had put on her plate. The weight of their silence pushed her shoulders down.
“Tell me,” he said. “Maybe it will help.”
“We had our first fight on the way to senior prom. You told me you were enlisting. I wanted you to enroll in the local community college with me. Later that night they played one of my favorite oldies,‘Faithfully.’ You sang it to me in front of everyone.” Then he had promised to never leave her.
He nodded as if he remembered.
“We played it at our wedding.” She sat up. Her heart kicked up a notch. Did he remember?
She waited for more, but he kept his head down and the silence lingered. Disappointment pushed hard on her chest. He didn’t have any of their memories.
“So…” Looking out the window, he avoided eye contact. “What’s the deal with all the Christmas lights?” He finally turned to her with a half grin. “It’s not even Thanksgiving yet.”
“I could have Christmas decorations year-round, but no one lets me.” She tried to laugh as if she had no worries. “With Elijah and Jazz getting remarried, I thought it would be a great time to pull out all the lights and wreaths.” She shrugged. “No Christmas tree or any of that, but the lights. They’re my favorite. It just makes everything glittery and enchanted.”
He nodded and went back to staring at his food, but not eating. Her fingers curled around a glass of orange juice, Selena fought back the urge to reach out and touch him. “It’s okay. You don’t have to say anything.”
“It’s there, somewhere. The first memory I regained was the ranch. After digging I found the location. Nothing fit, so I thought I’d come here and see what I could find out. Belle De La Rosa was the only name I had.”
“And you found all of us.”
“Yeah. Names are coming to me. I remember my nieces. Belle tells me that Elijah has a daughter.”
She bit her lip. Now. Tell him now.
Crossing his forearms on the table, he leaned forward. “It’s your turn to tell me something. What have you been doing while I was gone? A beautiful woman like you had to be dating once you were single.”
For a moment, she froze. “No. No. I was a widow. Not that I had time.” Would this man with the blank stare have cared if she had gone on a date? “Now that you’re here at the ranch, what are your plans?”
“I have a list of specialists for my eyes and brain issues. I’ll find out what’s physical and what might be psychological. It’s gone untreated so long, but the doctors in Colombia say there’s a chance I can regain my sight with therapy. And, now that I’m home, my memory might fully recover, too.”
He rolled his shoulders and dropped his head as if all the words had been too much.
“I don’t remember anything, but I have this feeling there’s a job unfinished in Colombia and I need to complete it as soon as I figure out what it is. I was assigned to protect someone. I don’t know who I was working for. There’s something missing, and I’m going to find out.”
“You never told me anything about your missions. All I knew was you worked for an intense private security company. I didn’t even know you were in Colombia until…” She shrugged. “But everyone in your group was killed.”
He closed his eyes. “It doesn’t stop the fact that I have this driving need to return. There’s something compelling me to finish. I can’t remember what it was, but I can’t rest. I need to heal enough to go back. You don’t know anything at all about my last job?”
Her spine stiffened. “Nothing.” How could he even think of leaving again? Her mouth opened, but then closed again.
“Tell me about your life while I was…away.”
Lifting her head, she made eye contact with her husband, the father of her children. “I’m on the city council now and working with the chamber of commerce to plan a new Christmas event. I run the office for our company, Saltwater Cowboys. Keeping those guys organized is a full-time job. And I help Belle with the paperwork for the ranch.” What she wanted to say was that she was keeping his life together for their boys. “With the death of your father, the ownership of the ranch is shaky. I’m not sure how your returning will affect everything.”
She was making a mess of this.
“Saltwater Cowboys?”
“It’s the business you started with Elijah and a friend Miguel. At first the focus was on charter fishing trips. You added large tourist boats for dolphin watching. They had closed Pier Nineteen, so we bought that property with the goal to restore it. Which we’ve done successfully.” Her throat closed and she bit her lip. The burn in her eyes surprised her. “You’d be so proud of Elijah. It was hard losing you, and I worried about him drinking again, but he’s been so strong. It’s because of him I’ve been able to give most of my time to my sons. Our boys.”
Head tilted, he blinked. “We have kids? That doesn’t sound… I don’t remember anything about us having children.” His eyes darted across her face, as if he was scanning it for information.
“You didn’t know. We made several attempts. When the last one showed a negative result, you decided to take the job in Colombia. A month after you left, I was sick. I thought it was stress. I went in and found out I was pregnant. The first reading had been false. Spotting isn’t unusual.”
“But you said ‘boys.’ As in plural. Twins?”
She shook her head. “Triplets. We have three sons, Sawyer, Finn and Oliver. They’re twenty-two months old. They’ll be two in January. January 19. The last fertility treatment worked.” The horror in his eyes burned her and made her want to cry.
She managed a smile. “You’re a father.”
Chapter Four (#ue0c7ecc3-2169-5d69-8b8a-38ca39e89d87)
He blinked. Her face blurred, and the buzzing grew louder in his head. “Father?” Babies. Three sons. “Where are they?” He stood, but the world tilted. Resting his hands on his knees, he lowered his head and breathed in deep.
Selena jumped up from her chair, but she stopped short of touching him when he held his hand up, palm out. “They’re here. Belle and my dad have them in the barn. She has some off-season orphaned baby goats. Your horses are out there, too.”
Crossing her arms tightly around her waist, she turned away from him. “Sorry, I’m rambling. All you probably heard was blah, blah, blah, you’re a father. Blah, blah, blah.”
She paused again.
He waited to see if she had more to say.
“Do you want to see them?”
He straightened and locked his fingers behind his neck, stretching. His sight cleared, and his airway opened. “The horses or the boys?”
In a blur of motion, her head jerked to him. Her eyes narrowed. “That’s a joke, right?”
He shrugged. “Not a funny one.”
The tension in her shoulders eased visibly. “That was your thing, you know. Telling lame jokes. The more stressful the situation, the lamer the joke.” Her bottom lip disappeared between her teeth. “Do you want to meet the boys?”
“You didn’t finish your breakfast.” This was so much more than he’d bargained for. Getting his brain around the fact that he was the father of three little boys was going to take time.
“Xavier.” Cautiously, she moved to stand in front of him, eyeing him as if she was a rabbit and he was the hungry wolf. “Do you want to meet the boys today? If you want to do it another day or—”
“No. Today. Finish your breakfast. Then we’ll walk over to…” His throat strangled the next word.
Slender, warm hands touched his. He looked down and stared at the soft, golden skin next to his rough, darker tones. Placing his hand on top of hers, he held it there, never wanting to let her go. How was it possible to be so connected to someone he didn’t know?
“It’s okay.” Her voice was soft and understanding.
More than he deserved.
She went on, not letting silence hover. “You’ve been gone for their whole lives. They’re so little they don’t understand. Another day or two won’t matter if you want to wait.” She pulled her hand out of his grip. “Unless you don’t want to see them.”
He heard a hint of anger he assumed she was trying to hide from him.
What did he want? To be whole. He wanted to wake up from this nightmare and be whole. To know who he was without any doubts and shadows.
Studying the beautiful woman that was his wife, he longed to reach out to her, to tell her everything was going to be all right, but he couldn’t make that kind of promise.
Hugging herself, she put distance between them. “Is that it? You don’t want to meet them. I know they’re a surprise.”
He cleared his throat. “Finding out I had a wife was a surprise. Learning I have three sons? That’s more of a shock.”
He hadn’t been here for her when she needed him. His gut told him it wasn’t the first time.
He held his hand out to help her up. “Tell me their names again.”
“Finn, Oliver and Sawyer.” For a brief second, her warm touch was his again, but then she pulled away and headed to the door. She popped her knuckles.
“I remember you doing that whenever you were nervous.”
Her hands went into her jacket pockets. “You know the strangest things about me.”
The hurt in her words made him uncomfortable. She deserved more. “So, we have Finn, Oliver and Sawyer?” He narrowed his eyes, trying to catch a thread of memory. “I know those names.”
She nodded. “They’re names you picked out. You love classic stories. We’d made a list of boy and girl names. With three boys, I got to use all of your favorites.”
As she walked through the door he held open for her, her fragrance, Summer Sunshine, caressed his senses. He wanted to linger. “What would they have been if you’d had girls?”
She gave him a look that said she wasn’t happy about something.
“We had agreed to Jane, Scarlett and Esmeralda.”
Oh. He had used the wrong pronoun. Then he let each name run through his brain. He couldn’t stop the horror showing on his face. “I picked those names?”
“No.” Her laughter was a bit reluctant, but real. “You only liked Scarlett. That had been our deal. You got to name the boys and I got to name any daughters we had. I did cheat a little. You wanted Sawyer for a girl. Your other boy name was Ulysses.” Her nose wrinkled. “But I thought that sounded like an old man’s name. Since you weren’t here I used Sawyer for our third son.”
“Ulysses is retro cool. But Jane? Talk about sounding—”
“We had this discussion already and since you weren’t here when I named them I went with those. They were all approved by you one way or another. The children already answer to them. No take-backs on baby names.” At the bottom step, she waited for him to follow her.
He brushed past, the sea breeze relaxing him. “I do like Scarlett. If you ever have a girl, then—”
She went rigid. Then she shook her head. “I’m in a good place right now and I don’t see myself having more children.”
Had he done that to her? He reached for her hand, then dropped his. “Selena, I’m sorry.”
How many land mines was he going to trip over? He might not remember most of his life but hurting her took a chunk out of his heart. There had to be a way to get all his memories back.
Flipping her long dark ponytail over her shoulder, she gave him a smile, as if to reassure him, but the light in her amber eyes was out. “Don’t be. They’re amazing, even though as a single mom, there are days the boys are almost more than I can handle. Not sure what I would have done without my dad. Your family, Belle and Elijah, have been a great support, too.”
Her gaze moved back to the horizon and she walked along the gravel drive. “Don’t feel sorry for me. Life is good, and God has given me so many gifts.” She smiled over her shoulder. “And now it’s Christmas.”
She bit the corner of her lip. “And you’re back. ‘I’ll Be Home for Christmas’has a deeper meaning now.”
A gust of wind played with long strands of her hair. He wanted to pull her close and protect her from the harsh elements. What words could he use to bring the spark back to those gentle eyes? Even without any specific memory, he knew in his gut that she was everything good, solid and joyful in his life.
He didn’t know much, but there was a darkness inside him. That same darkness would destroy her light if he let her too close. Was that why he had left her?
Something was wrong, but he didn’t know enough to even ask.
Taking his gaze off her, he studied the old barn they were approaching. The wood was weathered gray and the Texas flag painted on the metal roof was faded. It begged for repair. Was the neglect a lack of help or money?
Selena walked backward as she studied him. He knew without touching it that it would be silky as it slid between his fingers.
Her hands deep in her pockets, she had to speak louder to be heard over the wind. “I know things are different and you…well, you’re just trying to find out who you are. Maybe there’s a reason you forgot us.”
This conversation was on a sharp spiral in the wrong direction, but he was saved from responding when she turned and slid open one of the wide doors.
Giggling warmed the air around him. A couple of more steps and the idea of three little people belonging to him would become a reality. Why couldn’t he move?
“Xavier?” She tilted her head as she looked at him. She held her hand out to him, concern in her expression. “They don’t know you’re here. They have no expectations. You can meet them later or we don’t have to tell them who you are yet.”
A mix of little giggles and adult laughter answered her. He shook his head. Placing his hand on the edge of the door, he forced his body to take another step. A fluttery movement deep in his belly told him to turn and go in the opposite direction.
But this was his family. The life he had forgotten. There would be no putting the pieces together if he continued to run.
One more step and he was inside.
It took a moment for his eyes to adjust to the indoor light. In the center of the barn was a large open area. A thick blanket was spread out and six children were being mobbed by five baby goats. Three girls, older than the boys, sat on the outside with empty bottles—and right smack in the middle were three dark-haired little boys.
A stark coldness started at his core and spread to his limbs. He closed his eyes against the dizziness.
He was disorientated. What had to be a memory rushed through his brain. He stood in the exact same place, but he was seeing different kids in another time.
The children in the flashback were subdued, their giggles quiet as one dirty, matted puppy licked the little girl. She squealed with delight.
“Hush, Belle. He’ll hear us,” he had warned her.
A lanky boy in worn hand-me-downs that he knew was a young Elijah pulled scraps out of his pocket to feed the dog. She was black with four white paws and a crescent shape between her eyes. She was too young to be away from her mother, but someone had dumped her on the old country road.
Footsteps outside charged his heart into overdrive. He frantically scanned the area for a safe place.
If his father found them with a pup…
“Xavier.” The soft plea pulled him back to the current time and place. Selena had his hand in hers. “Are you okay?”
On his left, Belle put her hand on his shoulder.
He looked at her. His blood pressure had to be dangerously high. “We tried to save a stray once. But he found us. The dog…” Did he really want to know what happened?
Tears welled up in his cousin’s eyes. “You saved Luna. You hid her in time, but Frank was mad because you weren’t in the barn, cleaning.”
He remembered now. “But he took it out on you and Elijah.” Why did he remember this, but not the details of his life with Selena?
Belle shrugged. “That was the norm for us. But it was so worth it that time. Luna’s a great dog. We managed to keep her out of sight for almost a year. She still lives with Selena.”
Selena put her hand on his other arm. “You gave her to me. She went on the road with me when I traveled with Dad. When I was in town, you’d come by every day to see her.”
Belle laughed as she wiped her face. “I don’t think it was Luna he was checking on.”
Nodding, he put that bit of past in its place and fixed himself in the present. Blinking to clear his blurred vision didn’t help. He could make out the forms of movement, but the details were too vague.
Lowering his lids, he took in deep breaths that expanded his lungs.
Selena’s grip tightened, and she leaned in closer. “We can still make an escape.” Just being near her made him braver.
Not sure he could form any words, he jerked his head and took a step closer to the circle of kids and goats.
The giggling stopped. Someone stood and moved next to Selena. All Xavier could make out was a thick gray mustache on a man a bit shorter than him, but not by much.
“Xavier, this is my father.”
Ignoring the hand Xavier offered, the man pulled him into a bear hug. “Boy, it’s so good to see you.” Tears were clear in the man’s smooth baritone voice.
Blood rushed through Xavier’s body. He knew this man. “Riff?”
The man pulled back, his large hands gripping his biceps. “You remember me?”
“Your voice. You taught me to play guitar. We sang together. You like singing.”
A robust laugh filled the barn. “Yes. I like singing. Much to my daughter’s displeasure.” He pulled Xavier back into a tight hug and his fingers dug into his back. The man was openly crying now. “You’re home. Praise God.”
Breathing became difficult in the tight embrace.
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