Accidental Dad
Lois Richer
A Family for the RancherIn a heartbreaking instant, rancher Sam Denver becomes guardian to his baby nephew and the young foster twins his late brother and sister-in-law hoped to adopt. With the Triple D ranch to run and two sets of grandparents to look after, the guarded cowboy is desperate for help. But when the children’s maternal aunt finally returns home to Buffalo Gap, Kelly Krause’s difficult past prevents her from believing she has much to offer Sam or the little ones. Yet when custody of the twins is in jeopardy, Sam discovers just how much his makeshift family needs Kelly…if only she’ll stay.
A Family for the Rancher
In a heartbreaking instant, rancher Sam Denver becomes guardian to his baby nephew and the young foster twins his late brother and sister-in-law hoped to adopt. With the Triple D ranch to run and two sets of grandparents to look after, the guarded cowboy is desperate for help. But when the children’s maternal aunt finally returns home to Buffalo Gap, Kelly Krause’s difficult past prevents her from believing she has much to offer Sam or the little ones. Yet when custody of the twins is in jeopardy, Sam discovers just how much his makeshift family needs Kelly…if only she’ll stay.
“I can see you’ll be an amazing father,” Kelly said to Sam.
“It’s obvious you love the kids, so I know your concern will be for them first, last and always.”
“How do you know that?” Sam asked curiously, though pleased by her flattering assessment.
“It’s there for anyone to see in everything you do with them,” Kelly said. “You’ve sensed that Emma isn’t herself so you’re trying to figure out what’s troubling her. I’ve watched you give Jacob Samuel extra attention when he’s fussing, seen you rein in headstrong Sadie in a gentle but firm way.” She leaned forward, utterly serious. “You are their father now, Sam, in every way that counts.”
“Thank you.” Sam’s throat jammed at her generous words.
“This is where you belong, caring for them,” Kelly said. “But I don’t. I’ll stay for six months. Then I have to go.”
“Have to?” he asked softly.
“Yes.” She sounded sad. “You have the ranch, your parents, the kids. They’re an integral part of your world. They define you.”
Sam’s heart ached for her as she walked toward the door, a solitary figure.
LOIS RICHER loves traveling, swimming and quilting, but mostly she loves writing stories that show God’s boundless love for His precious children. As she says, “His love never changes or gives up. It’s always waiting for me. My stories feature imperfect characters learning that love doesn’t mean attaining perfection. Love is about keeping on keeping on.” You can contact Lois via email, loisricher@yahoo.com, or on Facebook (LoisRicherAuthor (http://www.loisricher.com)).
Accidental Dad
Lois Richer
www.millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk)
Now glory be to God, who by His mighty power at work within us is able to do far more than we would ever dare to ask or even dream of—infinitely beyond our highest prayers, desires, thoughts, or hopes.
—Ephesians 3:20–21
Contents
Cover (#u8087458f-874a-5454-966c-601cef3b255d)
Back Cover Text (#ua2800408-c311-5c18-98a3-d99f9fd45248)
Introduction (#uf14e2566-2569-5f77-9f3a-c002d9a3e670)
About the Author (#u217c75d6-79ed-56ef-afa4-890438c2fdcb)
Title Page (#u9b036258-ee49-518a-8d62-f14e86fe60cc)
Bible Verse (#u64c88f63-725f-5146-834c-d693bc057de4)
Chapter One (#u35a10ece-7c84-5a2b-aec2-9d57585dfd7d)
Chapter Two (#ub89e33ac-f293-5779-9417-95035a29cc5f)
Chapter Three (#uc86ab148-b051-5965-969a-f2695ea52abf)
Chapter Four (#u11691da0-fb11-5ac8-8013-e55f25915801)
Chapter Five (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Six (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Seven (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Eight (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Nine (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Ten (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Eleven (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Twelve (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Thirteen (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Fourteen (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Fifteen (#litres_trial_promo)
Dear Reader (#litres_trial_promo)
Extract (#litres_trial_promo)
Copyright (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter One (#ulink_787c8c75-d349-553f-81b8-44aad846fe0b)
Sam Denver’s mind wasn’t on Valentine’s Day or Canada’s frosty winterscape outside the airport in Calgary, Alberta.
Thanks to a huge poster advertising tropical vacations, he was mentally immersed in the azure waters of the Mediterranean as it lapped against warm sandy beaches. Ocean breezes caressed his face, carrying the pungent whiff of salty brine and the cheerful whistle of nearby fishermen in small bobbing boats with white billowing sails as they hauled aboard their catches. He’d be thirty this year, and he couldn’t remember a time when he hadn’t dreamed of seeing the world.
“Flight 455 from Toronto has now arrived. Passengers will emerge at gate...”
The announcement ended Sam’s reverie and drew him back to the cold, hard sting of reality.
Traveling the world now was as likely as sharing this romantic day with a sweetheart. But it was nowhere near as hard to let go of his travel dream as it was to let go of Jake, his twin, the best friend Sam had never been without. That aching void was compounded because Jake’s beloved wife, Marina, had died in the car accident with him. Now Sam was alone to care for their infant son and almost-adopted twin girls.
The kids needed him. Marina’s parents needed him. His own parents needed him. The ranch wouldn’t survive without him. If Sam thought about it for very long, the weight of his responsibilities brought waves of trepidation. How could he possibly be what they all needed and still keep the Triple D running?
With help. From one passenger on flight 455.
Sam tilted back on his boots and studied the emerging travelers. Eager yet anxious about the upcoming meeting, he tossed out his half-full coffee cup and scanned features of each traveler as they passed by. None matched the face of the woman he remembered from almost ten years ago.
Nervousness built inside. Where was she? She would have cleared customs in Toronto. There should be no holdup here. He pulled out his phone and rechecked her email. Yes, this was the right flight, and there was no new message saying she’d been delayed. Maybe she wasn’t coming?
Then a tall, slim woman appeared, and a rush of relief surged through Sam. Kelly Krause. He’d have known that tipped-up nose anywhere. Her glossy dark brown hair fell straight and thick to her shoulders, cupping her cheeks in a caress that emphasized high cheekbones and big dark eyes. For some reason his heart did a little giddyup.
A lot of time had passed since Sam had stood beside Kelly at the front of a church while his twin married hers, but she looked as beautiful now as she had then, except that her tanned olive skin bore signs of recent weeping, as did her red-rimmed eyes. She paused to scan the area before striding toward him.
Sam couldn’t help noticing how well Kelly’s jeans fit or that her peacock-blue shirt and matching sweater did great things for her figure. He tamped down his reaction. This was his sister-in-law. Yes, she was gorgeous, but anything beyond that was out of bounds for him. Sam didn’t do relationships, not since Naomi. Still, as she moved toward him, he thought Kelly still looked young and vulnerable with her lime-green backpack swinging from one hand.
The answer to his dilemma had arrived. If Sam was a praying man he’d be asking for help to convince Kelly to stay. But he’d given up everything to do with God the day Naomi died, unable to reconcile the loving God he’d always believed in with the One who let his beloved fiancée suffer so terribly before dying of cancer at twenty-five. If God so loved, why hadn’t He prevented— No!
He stepped forward as Kelly halted in front of him. Her gaze meshed with his.
“Hi, Sam.” Her soft voice barely penetrated the happy din of reunited families around them.
“Hi, Kelly.” He hugged her quickly then stepped back.
She tried to smile, her perfect, even teeth blazing white against the tan of her face. But then tears filled her eyes. “Oh, Sam.”
“I know.” He gulped, swallowing his own emotions to deal with the next step. That was the only way he could handle things right now. “Where’s the rest of your luggage?”
“It will come later. The cruise line’s sending it. I didn’t want to wait. I just wanted to get here.” She stopped suddenly, as if realizing that there was no point in rushing. Not now.
“I’m glad you did.” Kelly’s weary demeanor told Sam she was worn out by her long flight from Europe. “Would you like to stop for a coffee or something to eat before we head to the ranch?”
“How far is it?” she asked. “Marina never—” She gulped as tears returned to roll down her smoothly sculpted cheeks. “I’m sorry,” she whispered helplessly.
Sam knew exactly how she felt. He wanted to bawl himself, but he kept rigid control of his emotions because the kids needed him to make everything okay in their world.
“Come on,” he said gently. He slid an arm around her shoulders, ignoring the flutter in his stomach when his hand brushed her warm skin. “Let’s get a coffee. There’s no hurry.” He thought of the almost ten years of Jake and Marina’s marriage when Kelly could have visited and didn’t. But what did the past matter now? They had the future to deal with. “Was the trip okay?”
She shook her head. “Bumpy from Toronto. I didn’t feel well.”
“But you’re okay now?” Relieved when she nodded, Sam said, “So maybe you need breakfast. You sit here and I’ll get it.”
Sam waited until she was seated then strode to the counter. He ordered two breakfast sandwiches, hash browns and two cups of coffee, even though he didn’t want anything to eat or more caffeine. He wanted to get back to the ranch, to get busy with something, anything that would dull the pain and take his mind off his loss. But sharing a meal might help Kelly relax, so he’d go through the motions. He carried the loaded tray back to her and pretended to relish unwrapping his food.
Kelly ate daintily, carefully, but she finished only half her sandwich and just a bite of the hash brown before pushing away her tray and leaning back in her chair, her coffee cup pressed against her cheek as if she craved the warmth it offered.
“Sam Denver the Fixerator,” she murmured with a tiny smile that didn’t quite make it to her sad eyes. “How are you, Sam?”
“I’m okay.” He shrugged and would have let it go, but Kelly raised an eyebrow and tilted her head forward, obviously unsatisfied with his brief answer. “Dad hasn’t been that well, and since Jake’s death—” He swallowed, struggling to get past that awful word.
“You’ve taken over, huh?” Kelly nodded as if she understood the pressure he was under. “Well, if anyone can manage it, I’m sure you can.” She frowned at the tabletop then lifted her gaze to meet his. “Sam, I phoned home several times but nobody answered. Do you know where my parents—”
“They’re at the ranch.” He chided himself for not informing her earlier. “I should have told you in my email, but I figured you had enough on your plate just getting here, and I didn’t want to add to your worries.”
“Something’s wrong, isn’t it?” she asked in a tight voice.
“Yes.” Sam hated watching her lose the calm that had barely begun to ease her weary posture. “Kelly, your dad was recently diagnosed with Alzheimer’s.”
Her back went rigid. “But—” She stopped, unable to voice her thoughts, her face appalled.
“I was in Victoria on business and I stopped by to see them,” he continued. “I could see something was off with him and that your mom was struggling, but she wouldn’t admit to me that anything was wrong.”
Kelly’s nod told him she understood what he wasn’t saying, that Arabella Krause was not a woman to be easily persuaded of anything.
“Go on,” she whispered, her expression showing stark fear.
“With Marina’s help, I convinced her to take your dad to the doctor. I went to my conference then stopped by to see them again. The tests had worn out both of them so I invited them to come to the ranch and stay with Marina while they waited for results. Vancouver Island was too far away for her to help them. We only heard the diagnosis shortly before...”
“No one told me.” Her lips tightened. Her dark eyes flashed at him angrily. “Why?”
“You haven’t exactly kept in touch, Kelly.” Sam veered away from that, refusing to issue blame. She had enough to deal with. “Marina was going to email you about it but then the twins’ adoptions—you know about the twin girls they fostered and were trying to adopt after the mother died?”
“Yes. Marina seemed ecstatic about it.” Kelly’s forehead pleated. “But I thought the adoption would have been completed by now. They had the twins for what—a year?”
“Almost.” Sam shrugged. “They had to allow time to search for family. Only after that was complete could the adoption process proceed. Marina and Jake were coming to Calgary to make their final case before the judge.” This part was so hard to say, so hard to accept. He’d given Kelly the bare facts about their deaths in his email, but it was time she knew the details. He cleared his throat, but that didn’t erase the wobble in his voice. “A semi-truck lost control on black ice and hit them head-on. They died instantly.”
When Sam finally looked up, his breath caught in his throat. Kelly’s face had paled to ashen white. Her tear-filled gaze darted around as if she was searching for something, anything, to make the horror of their deaths understandable. He knew a thousand questions were tumbling through her mind, most of all, Why? He knew that because he’d asked himself the same thing over and over. And never found an answer that satisfied.
“Where were the kids?” she choked when she was finally able to squeeze out the words.
“At home with my parents.” He smiled, hoping to ease her anxiety. “They’re fine.”
No, they weren’t. Five-year-old twins Emma and Sadie were lost and confused. They couldn’t understand why their Mommy and Daddy didn’t come kiss them good-night. And six-month-old Jacob Samuel, upset by everyone else’s turmoil, cried for familiar arms to rock him to sleep.
“Thank God they’re okay,” Kelly managed to say on a broken sniffle. She dislodged her tears with her fingertips, though more quickly followed. “I keep asking God why He allowed this. They were so happy. Marina seemed to adore the twins, and then she finally had the baby she’d longed for since they were married. Her emails made it sound like everything was perfect. So why?”
Since Sam didn’t have an answer, he remained silent.
“So you’re saying the girls aren’t Denvers. Is that right?” Kelly stared at him as she waited for a response.
“No.” Sam hated that admission. The twins were Denvers in every way that mattered.
“Marina never gave me the details about how they came to be at the ranch,” Kelly said softly. “Would you mind explaining?”
“Sure.” Sam couldn’t deny her the information, but man, it hurt to go back to those halcyon days. He steeled himself against emotion and laid out the facts. “Abby Lebret owns Family Ties, an adoption agency in Buffalo Gap. Calgary Children’s Services contacted her to see if she could find the twins a home where they could live while their mother underwent chemotherapy. She asked Jake and Marina. Sadly, the mother died. Since the twins’ father was married with a family and had disowned them and the girls were by then very much at home on the Triple D, not to mention that our siblings had come to adore the twins, Abby helped Marina and Jake petition the court for adoption.”
“Poor kids but fortunate to have Jake and Marina,” Kelly mused, her gaze far away.
“Yes. They went all out to make a home for them.” Sam fought for composure. Even though he’d had five days to adjust, the loss of the lively couple still seemed so surreal. “That day the twins were sick. Marina didn’t want to leave them, and Abby couldn’t persuade the judge to come to Buffalo Gap, so—”
“Jake and Marina went to Calgary to see the judge,” she finished. “I’m guessing my sister couldn’t wait to officially become their mother.” Kelly managed a small smile when Sam nodded.
“They wanted things finalized.” Would he ever forget that horrific phone call?
“I see.” Kelly paused, blinked away the moisture in her eyes then asked, “But there’s no issue with you adopting the twins, right?” She frowned when he didn’t answer and touched his sleeve. “Sam?”
“Since the adoption decree wasn’t registered before Jake’s and Marina’s deaths, Children’s Services has applied to the court to regain custody citing concerns that Sadie and Emma no longer have parents or a proper home.” He cleared his throat. “Since I went through the foster parent training classes with Jake and Marina, Abby begged the judge to let the girls stay with me at the ranch while I apply to adopt them. Abby thought you and I being named as guardians of the three children might influence his decision.”
“I understand them naming you.” Kelly’s dismay was the last thing Sam wanted to hear. “But why me?”
“Because you’re Marina’s sister, and because they knew neither of our parents are well enough to care for three active kids.” Sam inhaled, hoping she’d understand. “It’s up to you and me to keep this family together, Kelly.”
“But I know nothing about kids,” she protested, obviously taken aback. “And I can’t be their guardian for long. I have a job I have to return to.”
“When I was trying to locate you, the cruise line told me you’re going on leave for six months.” Irritated that she considered her job as a port consultant more important than her family, Sam blurted, “Are you willing to see your sister’s children raised by someone else?”
“No, but you don’t understand.” Poor Kelly looked confused and lost.
Sam’s heart ached for her. Part of him wanted to gather her in his arms and comfort her. He knew the loss of Jake and Marina had hit Kelly as hard as it had him, maybe harder, because she hadn’t seen her twin in so long. But the other part of Sam wanted to demand Kelly stop holding her grudge or whatever it was that had kept her away all these years and act like part of the family. Because she was.
He hadn’t expected Kelly’s refusal but perhaps he should have. Marina had told him how hard Kelly had worked to move up in the industry. He’d known Marina occasionally sent Kelly newsy emails about her life, their parents and her growing family. He’d admired his sister-in-law for trying to include Kelly as part of the family, for trying to build a bridge. But other than sending a Christmas package every year, Kelly had stayed away and maintained only sporadic contact.
At this moment, though, Sam didn’t care that Kelly had left home the night of Jake and Marina’s wedding, nor did it matter to him what had kept her away all this time. All he knew was that he desperately needed her help to keep his family together.
“Don’t you see?” Sam asked. “Both our parents are living at the ranch because they can’t manage on their own. My dad had another heart attack, your dad has Alzheimer’s, the kids need stability and someone has to run the ranch to support everyone. I daren’t let any one of those balls drop, or we’ll be in trouble.”
“I know it hasn’t been easy, Sam. You’ve done a great job.” Kelly smiled sadly. “Thank you for caring for my parents and the kids.”
“I managed,” he said, irritated that she didn’t yet seem to get it. “But we have to do more than that if the twins are to stay. The ranch is the kids’ future, the legacy Jake wanted to leave them. I can’t let my brother down. I won’t let the ranch or the twins go without a fight.” He stared into her eyes and laid out his case. “It’s up to you and me to keep the family together, Kelly. That’s what Jake and Marina wanted. That’s why they named us guardians.”
Kelly remained silent for a long time, studying him with her teary brown eyes, confused and heartrendingly sad. Finally, she murmured, “Sam?”
“Yes?” He knew she was going to ask something important because of the way she stared at him, ready to assess his response. He knew this answer mattered a lot to her from the way she bit her bottom lip and how her hands fiddled with her cup. “What is it, Kelly?”
“Was Marina happy?” Her voice cracked, a world of sorrow, guilt and heartache underneath the words.
At least that question was easily answered. He nodded. “Marina and Jake were very happy,” he assured her.
“I’m glad,” she whispered. Then her control shattered, and she wept her heart out.
And that was when Sam did what his head told him not to. He got up from his chair, walked to hers and gently eased Kelly into his arms. Ignoring the sudden rush of his heartbeat, he drew her close and brushed a hand against her hair, offering the only thing he had to give—comfort. He couldn’t pray, couldn’t ask God to make it better. God had let his brother die, just like Naomi.
All Jake could do was hope his support would help lovely Kelly Krause surmount her grief enough to help him rebuild their family.
* * *
For the first time in years Kelly relaxed her rigid control on her life and let Sam support her as she cried for the sister she hadn’t seen in years. Why had she let her mother keep her away so long? Why had she let her embarrassment over a crush on Jake that was almost ten years old and her mother’s cruel words and harsh judgments drive a wedge between her and her twin?
As Sam held her, Kelly felt an old stirring rise inside. The strength in his embrace comforted her. His compassion as he led her away from the eatery and to an upholstered bench also rekindled a long-suppressed yearning inside to belong to someone, to be cherished. But that was silly. Sam was just a friend, a brother-in-law who was trying to help her cope. She couldn’t let herself imagine there was more than kindness in his actions.
He eased her onto the bench and sat down beside her. His arm across her shoulders felt right, like a kind of bond that drew them together. Finally, she managed to smile at him.
“Sorry,” Kelly apologized. “It hits me that she’s gone and I won’t ever see her again, and that’s when the tears start.”
“I know.” He handed her a fresh tissue and waited while she dried her eyes.
“How do you handle it?” she asked, curious about his steely strength. Like her, he had lost a twin, a brother whom she knew he loved.
“There’s so much to do. I focus on juggling things to keep everyone else going,” Sam told her, his voice bald with pain.
“Sam the Fixerator.” Kelly smiled at the moniker, remembering the fondness in Marina’s voice when she’d first introduced him with that title. “Still trying to fix things, Sam?” A second later she wished she could retract the words. He couldn’t fix this. No one could.
“It’s all I know to do.” Sam shrugged then checked his watch. “If you’re ready, we should get on the road.”
When Kelly didn’t immediately respond, he touched her hand. A zap of awareness tingled up her arm at the contact. Why was it that Sam had this strange effect on her? She drew away then slowly rose and took her backpack from him.
“I’m sure there are many things to do.” Her breath caught, but she pushed through the pain. “When are the funerals?”
“We were waiting for you,” he said quietly. “We can start planning now that you’re home.”
Home? Kelly had never been to Triple D Ranch, and yet she found the thought of staying where Marina had found such joy oddly attractive. She hadn’t had her own place in so long. Her parents were staying on the Triple D, too. Would Marina’s ranch house be the place where she and her mom could finally move beyond their bitter past? Could she really come home?
Only, Kelly knew, if she could get rid of the guilt, guilt that, if her mother knew she felt, would use to condemn her, as she’d so often done in the past. Not that her mother would have to say a word. Inside Kelly’s head, a voice reminded, Your sister, your twin, is dead, and you never told her you loved her. You never said goodbye.
“Time to leave, Kelly.” Sam’s quiet voice stirred her from her misery. His gaze scanned her from head to foot. “You need a warmer jacket. I’ll buy one from that store over there.”
“I already have one.” Kelly unzipped her backpack and pulled out the quilted coat she’d often worn to ski in the Alps. He held it so she could slide her arms into it, and again feelings of being cared for, cherished, welled up. “I’ll be fine. Let’s go,” she said, anxious to escape his touch and her strange reactions to it.
Sam studied her coat with a dubious glance but nodded, and they left the airport.
They fought their way through the icy wind racing across the parkade to his truck.
“I should have said it before. I’m so sorry about Jake.”
“I know.” For a moment, steady, organized Sam looked utterly bereft.
In that instant Kelly noticed the few silver hairs in his sideburns and the tiny fan of lines around his green eyes that hadn’t been there when she’d last seen him. Ten years ago Sam had been a very handsome man, and time hadn’t changed that. But grief had stolen what she’d privately labeled his “cowboy” smile, a lopsided twist of his lips she’d never seen copied. Still, Kelly thought she saw a hint of it now in his soft smile.
“Inside the truck, Kelly,” he insisted. “Don’t think I can’t see that you’re freezing in that coat.”
She climbed inside gratefully, huddling in her jacket while trying to hide just how chilled she felt. Sam slammed her door shut, hurried around to the other side and got in the driver’s seat. Though he’d started the truck remotely, it hadn’t yet warmed. The chill, combined with her apprehension at the upcoming meeting with her mother, made Kelly frown.
Sam studied her as if trying to read her mind. “Is something wrong?”
“No.” She forced a smile. “I was wondering how long the ride will take.”
“I forgot you’ve never been to the Triple D. Forty-five minutes or so. Mom will be feeding the kids lunch soon, and then Jacob Samuel will go down for his nap.” His voice dropped as he drove out of the city. “I hope she gets a chance to relax and enjoy a cup of coffee.”
“She’s not well?” Kelly asked, barely remembering Jake’s parents as a cheerful couple at Marina’s wedding.
“She’s worn out from caring for Dad and the twins and Jacob Samuel,” he said, a deep fondness lacing his words. “Mom tries to do everything.”
“I guess that’s who you take after.” Kelly grinned at his dour look then frowned. “Surely my mom’s helping her?” She realized how silly that was the moment she said it. Her mother had never been particularly fond of children. “You said she and my dad are living at the ranch?”
“My parents are at my place. Yours are at Marina and Jake’s. They were visiting when—” He didn’t finish that. “Your mother is pretty much tied down with your dad. With his memory failing more frequently, he needs someone around all the time.” Sam paused and glanced at her then said in a quiet voice, “I should warn you—he may not recognize you.”
“The disease has progressed that far?” Sam’s solemn nod made her catch her breath.
“Thank you for coming to get me,” she said, finally grasping the extent of his responsibilities. “I’m sure it was a nuisance for you to drive all the way in to Calgary then back.”
“I had to,” Sam said with a smile, and when Kelly arched a questioning eyebrow, he replied, “You’re part of the family. We need you with us.”
So few words and yet they meant so much to her. Part of the family. Somewhere inside her, the words fanned long-buried embers of wanting to belong into a tiny flame. Could she finally belong?
Until she had to leave.
When Sam said, “Tell me what you were doing in Rome, Kelly,” she suddenly remembered his solemn words to her on the patio the night of the wedding.
Someday, Kelly, I am going to see the birthplace of the Olympic Games. I will go to England and walk around Stonehenge. I’ll stand and gaze at the fjords of Norway. I’ll visit the hill in Turkey where the Apostle John is said to have taken Mary to live out her last days. I am going. It’s just a matter of when.
She wondered if he’d ever managed to see any of them.
“Were you scouting out new places for tours?” he asked.
“Sort of. When I return from this leave, I’m to be transferred. I hope to Indonesia. I was going to go there next week...” She let the words die away when a grimness flickered across his face at her mention of the future.
“What exactly does a port consultant do?” he asked.
“What I do is become so familiar with our ship’s ports of call that when a guest asks me about one of them, I’m able to recommend ways for them to see as much of the place as possible in their limited time. Or I suggest places that are a bit off the beaten track or that feature a particular interest of theirs. Whatever I can do to make their trip more memorable, that’s what I am there for.”
“Sounds like a calling,” he said, tossing her a smile.
“That’s how I feel about it.” She shrugged. “Always have. When I started, I made it a point to intimately know each port where the ship docked, even though my first tour was to Alaska, and lots of the guests had been there before. I wanted to be able to direct any passenger who asked me for help. Mostly, they came back raving about the places I’d suggested they see. That got back to my superiors, and I received promotions. So I kept doing it.”
“The night of the wedding—you talked a lot about traveling then,” he said.
“I remember you did, too.” She’d often replayed their conversation from the summer night they’d sat under the stars while everyone else danced at Jake and Marina’s wedding. The strength of Sam’s long-cherished dream to see the world, his clear, focused determination, still stuck in her mind.
As they rolled down the highway, Kelly blushed, remembering how natural it had seemed to share confidences on that perfect night. After Sam had revealed his soul-deep longing to travel, she’d blurted out her own painful story of meeting the man she was certain God meant for her, only to have him fall for someone else. Sam, being Sam, had comforted her, assuring her that God had someone special in mind for her. She’d felt so privileged to be in his confidence that night. Now she wondered if Sam had ever confided the depth of his desire to travel to anyone else.
She’d garnered from Marina’s emails that Sam had postponed his plans to travel on at least four occasions “for the good of the family.” As far as Kelly knew, he’d never left the ranch. Probably never would, now that he was responsible for it. Her heart bumped with affection. Dependable, loyal Sam, who willingly gave up his dreams for the ones he loved.
They drove in silence for a while. Kelly absorbed the beauty of the area where her sister had lived, immediately attracted to the gently sloping hills that grew to snow-capped mountains in the distance. Thick stands of evergreens dotted the snowy landscape. Here and there cattle stood in pastures near massive bales of hay. Then the truck crested a hill, and a quaint little town spread before them.
“This is Buffalo Gap,” Sam told her as they drove through the community. “That’s the church where—” He paused, gulped. “Where Marina and Jake attended,” he finally managed.
Kelly wondered at his angry look.
“About five thousand people live here. Not a big place, but it has most everything we need,” he continued after a moment’s pause. “Not far now to the Triple D.”
They passed through Buffalo Gap, then at the top of another hill Sam turned left onto a gravel road and drove past several homes on either side. Then he turned right.
“Here we are.” Sam drove under a big black metal arch with Triple D scripted above it. He grinned at her, obviously happy to be home, as a dimple appeared in one cheek. “We made good time.”
Kelly checked her watch. The watch Marina had given her as a bridesmaid’s gift.
Tears welled, and of course Sam wanted to know why. When she told him, he held out his own wrist and told her the watch he wore had been Jake’s gift to him.
“They were quite a pair, our twins,” he mused quietly.
“They were.” Kelly blinked hard, forcing away her tears to concentrate on the upcoming meeting with her parents and Marina’s kids.
Sam pulled up in front of a big white house with lattice work around the eaves. Two lopsided snowmen dotted the front yard. Kelly knew this had been Marina’s home. There was a wide front porch that would be perfect for sitting on long summer evenings and bright green flower boxes hanging from the railings—empty now, but Kelly could visualize brilliant blooms tumbling from them. Memories of a young Marina tending her flower garden played through her mind like an old movie. Her throat clogged as she fought back emotion.
“Relax, Kelly. No one’s going to yell at you,” Sam teased.
“How well do you know my mother, Sam?” Kelly managed to toss him a wry smile before she slid out of the truck. Inside, her stomach danced with nervousness. Would her dad know her? Would her mother launch one of her verbal attacks in front of Sam’s parents—if they were there? Would the kids like her?
Sam slid his hand into hers and murmured, “We’ll do this together.”
Grateful for his support, Kelly clung to his hand as they walked the snowy path to the door and prayed for wisdom to get through the meeting with her mother.
Despite Sam’s earlier welcome, Kelly doubted this could ever be her home. This was where Marina had belonged. Kelly was just a stand-in, the person her sister and Jake had chosen to help Sam keep the family dream alive. Could she do that?
Sam turned the knob, pushed open the door then stepped back, his green gaze holding hers with a tenderness that said he understood. Perhaps his “Welcome home, Kelly,” was what gave her the strength to let go of his hand and step inside.
Chapter Two (#ulink_15cf6bd0-e96d-57cf-b095-efefbb5eedb2)
“Hi, Mom. Dad.” After hugging her parents, Kelly stood back, a tentative smile curving her full lips.
Sam figured he was probably the only one who saw a question lingering in the depths of her brown gaze and knew she wondered if her father’s disease meant he wouldn’t recognize her.
“Hey, Kelly.” Neil Krause grinned at his daughter then hugged her again. “Boy, I’m glad to see you, honey. We’ve missed you so much.”
“It took this to bring you home?” Arabella Krause wasn’t as forgiving of her daughter’s long absence. Sam winced at the anger underlying her snippy words.
“I’m sorry I didn’t get back earlier, Mom.” Kelly touched Arabella’s cheek in the merest graze of her fingertips. She leaned forward and pressed a kiss there then pulled back to glance at the child wiggling in her mother’s arms. “Who’s this fellow?”
“That’s Jacob Samuel Denver. He doesn’t talk yet.” A little girl with bright blond pigtails and cornflower blue eyes stood in front of Kelly. “I’m Sadie and this is my sister, Emma,” she said, indicating her twin. “You’re our mommy’s sister, aren’t you? But our mommy’s not here anymore. She’s gone.” Big fat tears trickled down her cheeks.
“She’s with God,” Emma said in the whisper-soft voice she’d used ever since Sam had told the twins of their parents’ deaths. She slipped her hand into Sadie’s. “You’re s’posed to be happy, Sadie. Mommy tol’ us that’s a happy place, ’member?”
“I don’t want Mommy and Daddy to be gone,” Sadie snapped. “I want them here.”
Sam stepped forward to console her, but Kelly beat him to it.
“They are here, darling.” Sam’s heart blocked his throat as Kelly crouched down to the twins’ level. “Your mom and dad are right here in your heart.” She tapped Sadie’s little chest. “They’ll always be there because they loved you so much and because you loved them.”
Sadie frowned. “Are you sure?”
“Yep. Positive,” Kelly said with no hesitation. Sam could have hugged her for that when Sadie’s sad tears immediately stopped.
“Oh.” Sadie leaned forward until her lips were next to Kelly’s ear. “I like talkin’ ’bout my Mommy an’ Daddy but it makes Grannybell cry.” The not-quite-whispered words pierced the room’s sudden silence.
Sam winced at Arabella’s indrawn breath and tensed. Now Kelly’s mother would take offense. She’d done a lot of that lately. To save everyone’s nerves he prepared to intervene, but once again Kelly spoke first.
“Your mommy was Grannybell’s daughter, Sadie. That means she was Grannybell’s little girl, just like you and Emma are Mommy’s very special little girls.” Kelly’s voice lost its composure for an instant, but she swallowed and quickly regained her poise. “You loved your mommy very much, right?” Two blond heads nodded. “Well, so did Grannybell.”
“She doesn’t like it that our mommy’s with God?” Emma asked in the soft, hesitant voice Sam had begun to hate, because he hadn’t been able to figure out how to cure it. Eyes wide, Emma risked a sideways glance at Arabella. “Why?”
“She likes Mommy to be with God,” Kelly assured her. “But she misses Mommy very much, and sometimes that makes her cry. But it’s okay for Grannybell to cry, and it’s okay for you guys to talk about your mom and dad.” Kelly nodded at their wide-eyed stares. “Talking about Mommy is how we remember her.”
“Are you gonna talk ’bout her?” Sadie, the chatterbox, asked. “Uncle Sam tol’ us you and Mommy were twins like me an’ Emma.”
“We were, only we didn’t look like each other, like you two do.” Kelly’s voice wobbled. She cleared her throat then held out one hand. “I’m Auntie Kelly. Pleased to meet you, Miss Sadie. And you, Miss Emma.”
Sam’s lips twitched as the girls, bemused at being called Miss, each shook hands with their aunt.
“What about Jacob Samuel?” Emma asked, her voice barely above a whisper. “Don’t you gotta shake hands with him, too?”
“He’s just a baby. He doesn’t shake hands,” Sadie scolded.
“How do you do, Master Jacob Samuel Denver?” Kelly performed a bow in front of the little boy then took his tiny hand and shook it. “I’m very pleased to make your—ooh.” She glanced at her hand, made a face then wiped her fingers on her pant leg amid the twins’ giggles.
“Jacob Samuel drools,” Sadie informed her.
“A lot,” Emma added.
“Thank you. I’ll remember that.” Kelly looked around, taking in Marina’s kitchen, her home. She suddenly looked so lost, Sam felt a rush of pity.
“Do you two want to see what I brought for you?” he asked the twins.
Sadie yelled “yes” and both girls jumped up and down with excitement. No doubt he’d hear about their unseemly behavior from Arabella later, but for now their happy excitement sounded like music to Sam’s ears. He handed them each a box, received a hug and then watched as the girls opened their gifts, dolls he’d bought in the airport store, oohing and ahhing over them as they lifted them free of the tissue paper while Kelly stood watching with a smile on her face.
“Arabella, this is for you and Neil. A small token to say thanks for helping my parents with the kids.” He took the baby from her in trade for a huge box of the brand of candy he knew she favored. “Where are my parents, by the way?”
“At your father’s medical appointment. Your mother thought it best to keep to his schedule,” Arabella said in quiet tones, her gaze on Kelly.
“I think so, too,” Sam agreed, relieved to see that nothing had happened while he was away. “So what’s been happening?”
“Oscar said we got two new babies in the barn, Uncle Sam.” Emma was entranced by the ranch animals.
“Where did you see Oscar?” he asked sharply. Hadn’t Arabella been watching? Surely the twins hadn’t gone out to the barn—fear crept up his spine.
“I seed him when me an’ Sadie builded our snowmen,” Emma murmured. “We got carrots for the noses an’ I used one of your hats. Grannybell said it was ’propri—” She frowned and turned to her twin. “What was that word?”
“I dunno.” Sadie was too busy removing the clothes from her doll to even look up.
“Appropriate?” Kelly asked with an amused wink at Sam.
“Yeah.” After Sam told her he had indeed noticed their snowman’s hat, Emma crouched down beside her sister, and the two immediately launched into playtime.
“What do they call your mother?” Kelly asked curiously.
“Gran,” he said and winked. “As opposed to Grannybell for your mom.”
“Cute.” As Kelly glanced around, he noticed her backpack still lay at her feet.
“Come on. I’ll show you where you can stow your stuff.” He picked up the pack and led the way to the back bedroom, next to the twins’. “Is this okay?” he asked, wishing he’d thought of dusting the spare room. “Your parents have the master bedroom. Marina thought it was easier for them with the attached bath.”
“This is fine.” She glanced around once, then her gaze returned to him. “You said your parents are staying here, too?”
“No, they’re at my place.” He walked to the window, drew back the curtain and pointed. “Over there. See?” he said with a burst of pride swelling inside at the log structure he’d built mostly by himself from felling the trees to choosing the admittedly masculine decor. “They were in a place in town, sort of a practice run before buying a condo in the city, but it was too far away. This is better. I can check on them anytime.”
“Good idea.” Kelly’s focus seemed to be on the empty walls.
“Something wrong?” he asked.
“Just wondering why Marina never hung anything in here.” She shrugged. “The walls are all blank. I remember she always used to like to hang her pictures everywhere.”
“They were full of Marina’s pictures. She’d become an excellent photographer.” Sam chose his words carefully. “Your mother’s had a hard time dealing with her death. I came back one day to find she’d taken everything down. She said she couldn’t bear to look at the wasted potential of her talent. That’s partly why I suggested they move upstairs. No memories there because Jake and Marina just had it renovated.”
“But Mom removed other stuff, didn’t she?” Kelly’s pointed look made Sam realize there was no point in prevaricating. Her next words confirmed that. “I noticed the living room has discolored paint where I’m guessing a family or wedding picture used to hang.” Her lips tightened. “She shouldn’t have touched them. I’ll ask her not to do it anymore.”
“I’ve already told her not to,” he admitted.
“Really?” Kelly stared at him. “You told my mother—” She stopped, a dazed look stretching her eyes wide.
“I had to. I want her to feel comfortable here, but I also want this to remain the kids’ home,” Sam explained. “Too many changes all at once aren’t good for them. Your mother disagrees. She thinks they should forget as fast as they can.”
“It’s what she did with her own parents’ deaths when we were little. We couldn’t talk about our grandparents at all, though we had some very good memories.” Kelly’s sad face made Sam want to reassure her just as she’d reassured the twins. “That’s how she deals with life’s problems. Or at least it was when I lived at home.”
“Maybe she’ll get better,” he soothed, doubting it.
“Thank you for understanding.” Kelly’s smile made it clear she knew he was soft-pedaling her mother’s indignant reaction. “I’m sure she hasn’t made it easy for you. I’m surprised she didn’t push to have the funerals before I arrived.”
“We need your input,” was all he would admit. He smiled. “I was hoping you’d agree we should have them at their church, the one I showed you in town, and fairly soon. We all need the chance to say goodbye.” He touched her arm, hating to cause her pain, but knowing it was inevitable. “I’d like to have one funeral for both of them on Saturday. Is that okay with you?”
“That’s only two days away.” He saw the tears well, but Kelly gulped, lifted her chin and nodded. “What do you need me to do?”
“Exactly what you just did, which is to take care of the kids. Listen to them when they want to talk. Comfort them, reassure them that they are loved and cared for.” He had to say it. “I don’t want Sadie and Emma to hear one word from anyone about not staying here on the ranch.”
“Why aren’t me and Emma stayin’ here, Uncle Sam? Don’t you want us no more?”
Sam wheeled around with a silent groan. Sadie stood in the doorway, her face drawn up in a frown.
“You’re gonna send us away, aren’t you, Uncle Sam?” she asked and then began to howl as if she was seriously injured.
Sam looked at Kelly and silently begged, Help me!
* * *
Kelly recognized grief, weariness and sadness in Sam’s silent appeal. Poor guy was swamped with trying to keep the world going for everyone, including her. Kelly had to act. She scooped Sadie into her arms, set her on the bed then sat down beside her.
“Hush now. I want to ask you something, Sadie.”
“’Kay,” was the hiccupped response.
“Do you know Uncle Sam very well?” Kelly asked.
“O’ course. He’s Daddy’s brother.” Sadie frowned at the obviousness of that, but at least she’d stopped crying, and now her blue eyes widened with curiosity.
“Yes, but is Uncle Sam mean?” Kelly waited for Sadie to shake her head. “Does he do bad things?” Again the shake. “But I guess he sometimes yells at you.”
“No. Uncle Sam loves me and Emma,” Sadie insisted.
“Then why would he send you away from your home?” Kelly waited for her to puzzle it out. “Uncle Sam wouldn’t do that, right?” Sadie shook her head. “Of course not. But you heard us talking and wondered why he said what he did.”
“Uh-huh.” Sadie’s pigtails bobbed with her nod.
“Well, honey, it’s like this. People are curious and sometimes they say silly things. I think Uncle Sam must have heard some of those folks talking, wondering about you and Emma.”
“’Bout our mommy and daddy going away, you mean?” she said calmly, leaving Kelly to marvel at the quickness of this child’s brain. “I think they said it ’cause Uncle Sam hasn’t got a mommy.”
“But—oh, you mean he doesn’t have a wife who could care for you?” Kelly clarified.
“Uh-huh.” Sadie frowned. “Who’s gonna look after Emma ’n me?”
“Uncle Sam’s going to look after you, honey. And I’m going to help him. If anyone asks you, you tell them that.” She hugged Sadie close, somewhat surprised by how quickly love for these precious children had swept into her heart, a determined and protective love that refused to let Marina’s beloved kids suffer unnecessarily.
“Okay now, darlin’?” Sam drawled as he crouched in front of Sadie.
“I guess.” Her freckled nose wrinkled. “But who’s my fam’ly?”
“Darlin’, you got family coming out your ears.” Sam tickled her earlobe then began listing people. “You have two grandmas, two grandpas, Uncle Sam, Auntie Kelly, Emma, Jacob Samuel and Oscar—”
“Oscar’s my fam’ly?” Sadie’s eyes peered at him in surprise.
“Oscar’s our right-hand man,” Sam explained to Kelly. He handed her the baby before turning back to Sadie to cup her cheeks in his palms. “He lives on the Triple D, doesn’t he?” He grinned when she nodded. “Well then, Oscar must be family. Right, Kel?” he asked, holding her gaze with his own.
Kel. The nickname he’d given her the night of the wedding. Sam was the only one who’d ever called her that. Kelly couldn’t help a thrill of pleasure at the familiarity. It made her feel part of the group, as though she belonged. Not even the memory of her mother’s frosty reception could ruin the burst of warmth that sprang up inside.
Dear Sam. How kind of him to make her feel so welcome. Of course she was going to stay and help him, for as long as she could.
“Kel?” He was still watching her with that intent stare that saw too much.
“Right, Sam,” she agreed, snapping out of her reverie. “Oscar must be family.”
“See, Sadie Lady? What did I say?” He chuckled at Sadie’s surprised look, but his attention returned to her. “Auntie Kel knows who’s family.”
His gaze held, probing, reassuring, warm. It felt as if Sam saw deep inside her to the secret childhood yearning to be loved unconditionally that had never quite gone away.
“Do ranch people eat dinner?” Kelly blurted, shifting under his stare. She rose, careful not to jostle Jacob Samuel, who was now sleeping. “I’m starving.”
“It’s not dinnertime yet,” Sadie chided. “First Uncle Sam has to do chores.”
“Tonight Oscar’s going to do my chores,” Sam explained as he took her hand on one side and Kelly’s free one on the other then drew them both beside him toward the kitchen. “Kelly and I were rushing so hard to get here we only had a bit of breakfast and we missed lunch. I’m starving. Let’s get a snack.”
“Me an’ Emma could make you our shake-’em-up pudding,” Sadie volunteered as she swung his arm.
“Would you do that for us, darlin’?” Sam asked in a voice so tender, Kelly was nearly moved to tears. “I’d sure appreciate that. Wouldn’t you, Kelly?”
“Shake-’em-up pudding sounds just right to me,” she agreed. “Only I don’t know what it is. Can you show me how to make it, Sadie?”
“Sure.” The little girl turned and bellowed, “Emma! Come an’ help me. We gotta cook. Uncle Sam and Auntie Kel are hun-gry.”
Sam barely smothered his laughter and winked at Kelly, who faked a cough to hide her own mirth. When Sadie frowned at her, Kelly made a big deal of pretending to regain her breath until the child finally turned away.
“Thanks.” Sam’s breath brushed her ear.
“That’s why I’m here.” Kelly smiled at him, enjoying the cozy feeling that being part of Sam’s team brought. Until she caught a glimpse of her mother’s face over Sam’s shoulder.
“So that’s how you think it will be, is it?” Arabella was clearly furious.
“Mom? What’s wrong?” Kelly frowned when Arabella snatched Jacob Samuel from her arms, waking the little guy, who howled angrily at the disturbance.
“You’ve never bothered to make connections, to be there when you’re needed, but now you think you’ll waltz in here and take your sister’s place, in her home—”
“What?” Stunned, Kelly stared at her, unable to believe she was hearing this. But Sam was not frozen by Arabella’s bitter, angry words.
“Stop it,” he ordered sternly. In one fluid move, he lifted Jacob from Arabella’s startled grasp and handed the child back to Kelly before gripping Arabella’s arm and firmly drawing her from the room, speaking over her angry protest. “I need to talk to you. Privately.”
“Grannybell’s mad,” Sadie stated when they’d left. “You’re in big trouble.” She shook her head at Kelly then turned to order her sister to pour milk into a bowl.
Big trouble? Kelly stared into Jacob’s scowling face and jiggled him just in time to stop a yowl of anger or making strange or whatever he was doing.
“You’re right, Sadie,” she muttered with a sigh. “Almost ten years’ worth of trouble. I guess the time’s come to pay the piper.”
“We don’t have a piper.” Sadie gave her a long look of pure pity before she turned back to her task, knocking over the milk jug as she did. Fortunately, Emma caught it. Sadie regally thanked her twin then returned to directing the pudding making.
A snicker from the doorway drew Kelly’s attention. Sam stood just out of the kids’ view, shoulders shaking with laughter. Kelly gave him a severe look. That was when she realized Jacob’s diaper had leaked onto her shirt.
No piper to pay? Wanna make a bet?
* * *
As Sam tucked Jacob Samuel into his crib, he tried to remember the last time his sides had ached simply from laughing so hard. For a few moments he was overwhelmed by a pang of guilt. How could he laugh when his brother would never laugh again? But Jake and Marina would want their family to be happy. He’d have to keep reminding himself of that and of his Godsend, as his mother would put it, in finding Kelly.
Kelly had asked him what he’d said to her mother earlier, and so far Sam had managed to put her off by saying the matter was handled, but he knew perfectly well that Arabella would cause more trouble. She seemed very angry at her daughter, and Sam wasn’t sure exactly why that was.
Fortunately, Kelly and his mom, Verna, had hit it off immediately when his parents had arrived a few hours earlier. While Arabella, claiming a migraine, stayed in her room, leaving Kelly’s father, Neil, with Sam and the kids, Kelly and his mom had prepared a meal with the twins’ pudding for dessert. They all worked hard to keep the atmosphere light when Kelly’s mother finally came to the table. Jock Denver was a born peacemaker, and Sam could have hugged his dad when he drew Neil and Arabella into a conversation about downsizing.
While the men cleaned the dishes, Kelly helped Verna bathe the children under her mother’s disapproving stare. Then Kelly snuggled in a chair with the twins for a bedtime tale about a princess who traveled on a big boat to faraway places. Enthralled by her soft voice and her descriptions of the same sights Sam had longed for years to see, the twins begged Kelly to keep going when she said it was bedtime. She assured them that installments would follow each night if they didn’t fuss about going to bed.
Sam guessed Kelly was making the tale up as she went, drawing from her own travels to bring the story to life, and he was at least as curious about the next chapter as Sadie and Emma.
“Auntie Kel said bedtime,” he reminded softly when Sadie began to argue. He wanted to scoop her in his arms and assure her they’d have tomorrow, and tomorrow after that. But he couldn’t do that because he wasn’t sure how long Kelly would stay. Sadie gave him a mutinous look, but Sam didn’t budge. “Bedtime.”
“Okay.” With a huge sigh Sadie slid off the sofa, grabbed Emma’s hand and walked with her down the hall to their room. After a glance at him, Kelly followed.
Sam went, too, his heart tight in his chest at what was to come. Emma and Sadie knelt by their beds. Since Sam had already put Jacob Samuel down, he had no excuse when Sadie patted the top of her bed, indicating he should sit there. He felt Kelly watching, waiting for his lead. Swallowing his discomfort at this brush with God, Sam sat down on Sadie’s bed while Kelly sat on Emma’s.
“We gotta pray now,” Emma told her aunt in her whisper-quiet voice.
Kelly obediently bowed her head and closed her eyes. A swath of dark hair flopped down to caress each molded cheekbone. When his bossy niece cleared her throat, Sam reluctantly stopped staring at his beautiful sister-in-law, bowed his own head and closed his eyes.
“Hi, God. It’s me, Sadie. Thanks for bringing our aunt Kelly here. We like her lots. And Uncle Sam is the bestest.” Sadie sighed. Surprised by her silence, Sam opened his eyes. Sadie’s face was scrunched up in thought. “I sure do wish You didn’t take my mommy and daddy away, though. Will You tell them I’m trying to be good? It’s hard.” She paused as if she wasn’t sure how to continue.
Sam was about to intervene when Emma urged, “Say the God-blesses, Sadie.”
“I know how to pray.” Sadie glared at her sister then caught Sam with his eyes open, watching Kelly. She frowned, waited till he’d closed them again then continued. “God bless Gran and Grandpa, Grannybell and Grandpa Neil, Jacob Samuel and Uncle Sam and Auntie Kelly. And Emma,” she added as if it was an afterthought. “And God bless me. Amen.”
Emma’s prayer was much shorter but just as heartfelt, though barely audible. Sam wasn’t even certain she’d said amen until Kelly rose.
“I love you, Sadie Lady.” He bent and hugged the little girl, inhaling the soft fragrance of her shampoo. His heart stopped for a minute when she squeezed her arms around his neck and held on tight, as if she was afraid to let go in case he disappeared. “Sleep tight, darlin’.” He kissed her forehead.
“Love you, Uncle Sam,” she murmured on the back side of a yawn and let go.
“Good night, Emma, my gem.” The child’s frequent silences worried him, but for now Sam stuffed that away to give her an extralong hug. “I love you, sweetheart. Sleep well.”
“G’night, Uncle Sam,” she breathed.
He waited at the door while Kelly said her good-nights, noting the affection in her voice and how her brown eyes softened as she touched each girl’s cheek with her lips. His heart breathed a sigh of relief that the three had bonded so quickly. If only he could persuade Kelly to stick around...
With one last good-night, Sam flicked on a night-light, ushered Kelly into the hallway and eased the door almost closed. He followed Kelly to the empty living room and sat opposite her in his brother’s recliner, glad that both their parents had gone elsewhere. He was too tired to play mediator tonight.
“You’re worried about something, Sam.” Kelly studied him with a grave look marring her lovely face. “Can I help?”
“I’m concerned about Emma,” he confessed, liking that she cared enough to ask.
“She’s a very quiet child,” Kelly agreed thoughtfully.
“Too quiet. She wasn’t always, though. It’s only since Marina and Jake died that she’s started this—I don’t know what to call it. Whispering?” He rubbed the cord in his neck that was painfully tight. “I have a hunch it has to do with something she’s worried about but since—well, lately she hasn’t been confiding like she used to.” He had a sudden thought. “You’ve already built a rapport with the girls. Maybe you could find out.”
“You think Emma will confide in me, a stranger, when she doesn’t tell you or her grandparents what’s bothering her?” Kelly’s face revealed her skepticism.
“You and Marina were twins. Jake and I were, too.” Sam remembered times when Jake had dashed into something when Sam himself would have thought about it more carefully before acting. “You and I know there’s usually one twin who’s more dominant.”
“And that’s Sadie, obviously.” Kelly frowned. “Are you suggesting that if I spent some time with Emma away from Sadie, she might talk?” He nodded. “I can give it a try.”
“Thanks.” Sam couldn’t shake the question hanging in the air so he faced it head-on. “What’s the deal between you and your mother?” From the way Kelly flushed and avoided his gaze, he knew she didn’t want to discuss it.
“I’m so sorry you had to witness that.” Shame colored her voice, showed in the slump of her shoulders. “I guess she’s still angry with me.”
“Why?” Sam waited, wondering at the myriad emotions that stormed across Kelly’s face. “You can tell me, Kelly. I won’t judge. But I won’t pry, either.”
“Actually, I don’t want to talk about it,” she murmured, avoiding his gaze. “Suffice it to say I was never the daughter she wanted.”
“What’s that mean?” Confused by her words, Sam wanted to know more, but the pain on Kelly’s face told him that whatever had happened so long ago still hurt her.
“My mother has some strict beliefs about parenting and especially obedience.” Kelly summoned a smile but there was no mirth in it. “Marina managed to heed her orders, but I always wanted to know why.” She made a face. “I guess I’m a late bloomer, because it’s only lately that I’ve begun to accept that I can’t always know the why of things.”
“Actually, you and Marina sound a lot like Sadie and Emma.” Sam smiled at her surprise.
“I guess we were.” Kelly sighed. “You have to know that I loved my sister very much. She was everything I wanted to be. Only I couldn’t be her, and that caused problems so I stayed away.”
Sam heard a finality in that response, so he didn’t press for answers. There would be time for that later. Instead, he asked a question he’d carried for almost ten years. “How did you happen to fall for my brother?”
Kelly’s head jerked up. She gaped at him. “You knew?”
“Those puppy-dog looks you shot his way when you thought I wasn’t looking sort of gave it away. To me,” he added on seeing her worried look. “If it makes you feel better, I doubt anyone else guessed you loved Jake back then.”
Odd, Sam thought, how that old tickle of envy for his brother’s easy draw of females ruffled his feelings even now, and he barely knew Kelly, especially after ten years.
“Jake was a friend when I really needed one.” Kelly’s smile chased away the sorrow that lingered and emphasized her loveliness. Sam’s heart gave a bump of admiration that he quickly stifled. “We were both young, away from home for the first time and mixed up about our faith. We were in the same classes at Bible school, and we helped each other sort out what we believed. We had fun together.”
“And you fell in love with him,” Sam reminded.
“Yes. Or I persuaded myself that I did.”
Why did Kelly’s words send a flush of relief through him? Sam didn’t pause to examine that now. “So you didn’t love Jake?”
“I don’t know. I’d never been in love before.” Kelly’s forehead furrowed as she thought over her answer. “My mother was pushing me hard to become a missionary, and Jake helped me see that giving in to her wasn’t necessarily what God wanted for me.” She shot him a rueful smile. “Sometimes I think Jake’s major attraction back then was that I believed he’d help me escape those arguments with my mom.”
“Instead, he fell for your sister.” Relieved to note Kelly’s simple nod, Sam decided she didn’t seem to be nursing any lingering feelings. “So if you weren’t still mooning over Jake, why not come back earlier?”
“I can’t talk about it now.” Her voice tightened as she said, “All I can say is that I stayed away because that’s what my mother wanted.” Her eyes suddenly welled with tears. “But Marina was my sister. I had to come now.”
“Of course you did,” Sam soothed, deeply moved by her distress. “I’m glad you’re here, Kelly. We need you here. All of us.”
“You’re a really nice man, Sam. Thank you for saying that.” She dashed away the tears. “I’ll try to help however I can. I want to ensure Marina’s kids end up with you as their father.”
“But you hardly know me,” he protested, though flattered by her words.
“I think I know you very well.” Kelly studied him, a faint smile tugging at her mobile lips. “Working on a cruise ship, you learn to sum up people pretty quickly. I can see you’ll be an amazing father. It’s obvious you love the kids, so I know your concern will be for them first, last and always.”
“How do you know that?” Sam asked curiously, though pleased by her flattering assessment.
“It’s there for anyone to see in everything you do with them,” Kelly said. “You’ve sensed that Emma isn’t herself so you’re trying to figure out what’s troubling her. I’ve watched you give Jacob Samuel extra cosseting when he’s fussing, seen you rein in headstrong Sadie in a gentle but firm way.” She leaned forward, utterly serious. “You don’t see their individual traits as problems but as wonderful parts of their personality to be enhanced and explored. You are their father now, Sam, in every way that counts.”
“Thank you.” Sam’s throat jammed at her generous words.
“This is where you belong, caring for them,” Kelly said. “But I don’t. I’ll stay for six months. Then I have to go.”
“Have to?” he asked softly.
“Yes.” She sounded sad. “You have the ranch, your parents, the kids. They’re an integral part of your world. They define you.”
“What defines you?” he asked.
“My career. Without that, I have nothing.” Kelly rose regally, like the princess in her story.
Sam’s heart ached for her as she walked toward the door, a solitary figure. She stopped there and turned around.
“Until I leave, I’ll do everything I can to help you. You only have to ask.” Her brown eyes narrowed, held him. “I have just one request.”
“Name it.” Sam would have promised anything, that was how relieved he was that Kelly was staying. At least for now.
“Don’t tell my mother I intend to leave. Not yet. Let her think I’m here for good.” A painful smile barely lifted Kelly’s wide mouth. “Maybe over the next few months she’ll begin to see who I am.” Her voice dropped to a whisper. “Don’t let her control you, Sam. I couldn’t bear for her to make Sadie as unhappy as I once was.”
Kelly left, her tread soundless down the hallway. Sam mulled over the little bit she’d told him and realized that all he’d learned was that there was a vast chasm between mother and daughter. For the next six months he would accept whatever help Kelly offered. But he was also going to try to help her rebuild her relationship with her mom. Maybe if he did that, maybe if he could make her feel she was a necessary and integral part of this new family they were forging, then she wouldn’t want to leave. Maybe Kelly would make a new life here.
It seemed important to help Kelly, though Sam was doing it for the kids’ sake. He liked his sister-in-law and wanted her to be happy. She was also one of the most beautiful women he’d ever known. He enjoyed having someone his age to talk to and share his world. Yet he could picture Kelly in twenty years, still here on the ranch. Of course, that could be just his lonely imagination.
Kelly would make a wonderful mother for the kids. But she could never be more than his sister-in-law because Sam wasn’t going to let romance into his life again. He wasn’t going to make himself that vulnerable, and he sure wasn’t going to give God another chance to ignore him.
In truth, Sam’s dream of sharing the future with a woman was as dead as his dream of travel. But he could be, would be, a father to Jake’s kids. To do that, he’d take every bit of help Kelly offered.
Chapter Three (#ulink_0af07214-0df2-596b-91b8-389a280bdb36)
It seemed the entire town of Buffalo Gap turned out for the joint funeral of Marina and Jake Denver. For Kelly, busy preparing the kids and answering their many questions, the full impact of this final goodbye finally hit on Saturday afternoon as she sat in a pew next to Sam, listening to Pastor Don speak of the couple with love.
“We can’t wish them back, though we miss them terribly,” he said. “They’re in a much better place, with their heavenly Father, at peace in His presence. We must trust Him to help us look past our own grief to help the family they’ve left behind. The children Jake and Marina loved so much will need us to be there, to listen, to comfort and to support. So will their families. It’s time to show our love, people.”
There was more, but the rest of the words flew over Kelly’s head as her gaze meshed with Sam’s. He looked utterly bereft, so terribly sad that it hurt to look at him. She had to do something. Kelly slipped her hand into his and squeezed. He turned his head and studied her for a long moment before he returned the squeeze. A very faint smile tilted his lips before his attention slid to the front of the church and settled on the large photo of Jake and Marina laughing at some shared joke. Sam had told her this morning that he’d taken that picture, snapped it the day Marina had learned she was pregnant with Jacob Samuel.
Oh, Marina.
Emotions of all descriptions tore through Kelly; loss, grief, guilt, pain—but most of all a question. Why? She wanted so badly to understand why God had chosen this way and yet, hadn’t she learned not to question His will? She kept her head bowed to hide her expression from the kids until Sam’s fingers, still holding hers, returned the squeeze a second time. He leaned toward her.
“She’s happy,” he murmured in her ear. “We have to remember that.”
Kelly nodded, surprised by how easily his soft words and gentle touch soothed her sore heart. Finally, the service was over. They filed out of the church and into limos that took them to the graveyard. Kelly heard her mother’s sobs but kept her focus on the kids, watching for signs that she was needed, stuffing down the grief that waited to overwhelm her.
She and Sam had carefully explained every step to the twins, who stood clinging to each other, silenced by the somber occasion, though their big blue eyes took in every detail. Jacob Samuel slept quietly in his uncle’s arms, his thumb shoved between his lips.
Once everyone was gathered in the graveyard with the chilly wind tugging at their garments, Pastor Don spoke about the resurrection when they would see Jake and Marina again. After a gentle prayer, the matching caskets were lowered into the cold ground.
“Ashes to ashes...” The familiar words took on new meaning as Pastor Don tossed a handful of dirt over the caskets and then led them in reciting the Lord’s Prayer. Then it was over, the sad celebration for two vibrant lives.
It was over but Kelly couldn’t move. Time seemed to freeze. It isn’t enough, she wanted to yell. There should be something more to leave the mark of two wonderful people. But she couldn’t dwell on that. Her job was to ensure the twins were all right. She glanced sideways at the two small girls who, hand in hand, stepped to the edge of the grave. They hadn’t discussed this. Kelly glanced at Sam, knew he was about to restrain them until Sadie spoke.
“Bye, Mommy and Daddy. We love you.”
Emma simply whispered, “Bye.” Then after a moment she added, “We’ll look after Jacob Samuel.”
Kelly could no more have stopped her tears than stopped breathing. A quick check told her Sam’s eyes were also moist. He handed Jacob Samuel to his mother then drew Kelly with him to stand beside the girls. Then he hunkered down and wrapped an arm around each of them.
“I’m very proud of you two,” he said, his voice cracked and broken with love. “I love you very much. I always will.”
“We love you, too, Uncle Sam.” Sadie, always the most verbal, kissed him on one cheek, and Emma kissed him on the other before drawing Kelly into their circle.
“Sadie says you’re going to be our mommy and daddy now.” Emma’s whisper barely penetrated the hushed conversations of friends and neighbors around the gravesite. “She said we’re still a family. Is that right?”
Kelly didn’t know what to say. How could she give them hope when they didn’t know what was going to happen with the adoptions? But Sam had no such compunction.
“Auntie Kel and I are going to look after you the very best we can,” he assured them. “Don’t you worry about that.” He rose, his big strong hands around the girls’ tiny ones. “We’re going to go back to the church now.”
“For lunch.” Sadie nodded wisely. “I hope they have cupcakes. I love cupcakes.”
“Me, too.” Emma slipped her free hand into Kelly’s. “But I love Mommy and Daddy better,” she murmured in a sad, forlorn voice that brought a lump to Kelly’s throat.
“Me, too, Emma,” was all she could say.
The girls sat uncharacteristically silent on the ride back to the church. Once there, their grandparents took charge of them while Sam’s friends and neighbors offered their condolences and help with whatever he needed. He thanked them then scrupulously introduced Kelly. The names blurred in Kelly’s brain. Until he introduced Abby Lebret.
“You’re the woman from the adoption agency,” Kelly remembered. “Family Ties, right? You found the twins for Marina and Jake.” It hurt to say her name, knowing her sister was forever gone.
“That’s me.” Abby smiled as she introduced her husband, Cade, then her face sobered. “Not now but sometime soon I need to talk to both of you.”
“That sounds ominous,” Sam said. When Abby didn’t respond, he added, “Can you come over later today?”
“We can wait a day, Sam,” Abby protested. “It’s not that urgent.”
“I want—” He gave Kelly a sideways look and began again. “Kelly and I want to get things settled with the twins as soon as possible, for their sakes.” His face took on a grim look. “They need to feel secure.”
“I agree.” Abby finally nodded. “Okay. I’ll come out to the Triple D later this afternoon.”
“Thank you.” Sam nodded. When Abby and her husband had moved on, he turned to Kelly. “I don’t like the sound of that. Something’s going on.”
“What?” she asked.
“Beats me, but Abby wouldn’t ask for a meeting if there wasn’t a good reason.” He turned away to accept sympathy from someone else, leaving Kelly to stew about the upcoming get-together. Since her mother was now supervising the twins at the lunch table, she slipped away, wandering from the fellowship room into the sanctuary of the church, where she sat down in a window nook.
She’d thought this trip would be a simple matter of helping Sam get things settled, figuring out a care schedule for the kids, something of that nature. But everything was becoming more complicated, and that included her reactions to the big, handsome rancher.
I’m beginning to rely on him, to seek his opinion. She grimaced. It’s not what I’m used to.
These past nine years, she’d made her own decisions based on proving herself by rising to the top of her field. Now suddenly it seemed she couldn’t decide anything without considering how it would affect the kids, her parents, the ranch and especially without hearing Sam’s opinion.
The trouble was, she liked Sam. He was earnest, trustworthy, a guy who put others first. He wasn’t afraid to show his emotions as were so many men. He didn’t bolt when hard problems came up. He searched for a solution that would benefit everyone. Kelly found that so admirable. In fact, Sam was as close to a hero as she’d ever met.
But this confusing soft spot for him couldn’t blossom into anything else. She wasn’t here for romance. For a long time she’d prayed for a family, a husband, a home of her own. God hadn’t answered that prayer. Just because she felt welcome here, was needed for a little while, didn’t mean anything had changed. Her mother was right. Kelly could not step into the middle of Marina’s family and take over.
Not that she wanted to, she reminded herself. There were so many places she had yet to explore, so many things to discover. For three years she’d dreamed of visiting Indonesia. Okay, that had to be put on hold, but the goal hadn’t faded. She still wanted to go there.
As much as you want to see Sadie and Emma grow up?
I can’t support myself here, she told that contrary voice in her head. The only job I know is cruising. It’s what I do. It’s what I’m good at, even if Mom doesn’t think it worthy of her daughter.
Which meant that come August, once Sam and the kids were settled, Kelly would return to her life on the seas. She’d trod a hard path to learn that was God’s plan for her, and having done so, she was committed to following God’s will no matter what the personal cost.
“Face it, kiddo. This is only a temporary stop on your life’s path,” she whispered. “Be a blessing however you can so that when it’s time to go, you leave with no regrets.”
But even as she said it, Kelly had a hunch that when she finally left the Triple D, saying goodbye to Sam would be difficult.
* * *
Sam glanced around the fellowship hall, worried when he was unable to spot Kelly’s slim figure among the few friends still left in the room. Neither his parents nor hers knew where she’d gone. Sadie and Emma were in a corner playing with their dolls. He walked over and crouched down beside them.
“Did you two see where Auntie Kel went?” he asked, not really expecting an answer.
“Into the church,” Sadie said.
“She’s sad,” Emma whispered.
“In the church?” He frowned. “But we’re already in the—oh.” Realizing they meant the sanctuary, he made sure they were under supervision then rose to search out Kelly. It took a minute to spy her seated in the dim light. When he did, the tears streaming down her face made him swallow, hard. “Kelly, what’s wrong?”
“This is where Marina prayed, Sam. She brought her kids here to learn about God. She came here to gather with her friends to share her dreams.” She gulped then lifted her heavily lashed lids to gaze at him, eyes shiny. “I can’t seem to accept that I won’t ever be able to hear those dreams or tell her mine, or find out what she loved most about living on the ranch. I can’t tell my sister how sorry I am I didn’t come earlier.” She wept as if her heart was breaking.
“She knew.” Sam drew her into his arms, holding her as he tried to comfort her with the only words he had. “Sisters, brothers, twins—we all have an intangible bond, Kelly. We know we’re loved, even if we don’t get around to saying it to each other often enough.” He smoothed a hand down her back, hoping his words would offer her a bit of ease. “Marina knew you cared about her.”
“Did she?” She took the handkerchief he offered and dabbed at her eyes.
“I know it. And deep inside, I think you do, too.” Even red-eyed and weeping, Kelly was a stunning woman. As she drew away, Sam’s arms felt bereft. For a moment he recalled the companionship and affection he’d found with Naomi. Then he remembered that God had let her die, and the lump of hurt inside him that had begun to soften solidified once more.
“I’m sorry to weep all over you.” Kelly forced a smile to her pretty lips. “I guess I needed a moment to regroup.”
“Nothing wrong with that. I should have made sure you had some free time earlier,” he apologized ruefully. He’d been so worried about the kids he hadn’t given a thought to Kelly’s grief. Was that because he didn’t want to think about his own loss and the emptiness of his life without Jake?
“How do you handle it, Sam?” Kelly stared at him curiously. “Do you question God?”
“About many things,” he said with a dredged-up smile. “I’m trying to accept that even though I don’t like it, it was time for Marina and Jake to go.” He hesitated then spoke what lay on his heart. “At least God didn’t let them linger and suffer first.”
“He did that with someone else?” Kelly’s soft voice soothed like a cool palm on a thudding forehead. “Someone you loved.”
That part was not a question, but Sam nodded anyway.
“Naomi?” It wasn’t sheer nosiness that made Kelly ask. He could tell from her body language, the angle of her head and the way she leaned forward, that she was searching for something to help ease her own bereavement.
“My fiancée.” Sam swallowed. It had been a long time since he’d discussed this with anyone, including Jake. “She got cancer.”
Kelly waited, hands folded in her lap, watching him. He stared at the picture of the Good Shepherd. Jesus cradled a small lamb in one arm. His eyes oozed kindness and understanding, but Sam wouldn’t let himself be swayed by the lure of faith because he couldn’t survive being let down by God again.
He felt her warm fingers curl around his, nudging away the lingering sadness. “I’m so sorry, Sam.”
“So am I. She was a great person, served God with everything she had. Nothing was too much for Naomi if it was for her Lord.” He rose, paced in front of Kelly as all the old questions bubbled up once more. “She was His child,” Sam blurted, unable to harness the anger roiling inside. “Why make her suffer?”
“I don’t know.”
Though embarrassed by his outburst, Sam liked that Kelly didn’t make excuses or offer a silly reason like “for the greater good.” Neither did Kelly trot out the familiar adages that God is always good or that He always does what’s best for His children. She was the only person he’d spoken to about Naomi’s death who didn’t try to make him the bad guy for questioning God.
“I wish I had answers for you, Sam.” Kelly rose, smoothed her clothes then looked directly at him. “I get through the days by hanging on to one thing. God understands what I’m feeling because He suffered, too. His son was murdered so He knows all about grief.” Her voice dropped almost to a whisper. “I’m sorry you’re suffering.”
“Thanks.” Why was he crying on her shoulder instead of trying to comfort her? Sam shook his head to disperse the past. “I wish you didn’t have to leave,” he admitted quietly.
“More time wouldn’t help.” Her lovely mouth lifted in the beginning of a smile. “Anyway, I have six months to do whatever I can to help you adopt the twins. But then I have to go back where I belong.”
“You belong here with your family,” he protested, intrinsically knowing it was true.
“I don’t have a place in your family, Sam. I don’t even have one in mine.” Her voice wobbled slightly, but she got it under control with a halfhearted chuckle. “I belong on a cruise ship.”
“That’s not true. Your father—”
“Soon won’t notice if I’m here or not,” she finished, her voice sad. “This morning he forgot my name. That’s not going to improve, so I’ll just have to make the most of the time we have together.” She inclined her head. “We’d better get back to the others.”
“Yes. I’ve left the twins too long,” he agreed with a wry look. “Stay here if you need a few more moments alone.”
“I don’t.” She gave him a spunky grin. “But even if I did, I’m too afraid of what we’ll find if we don’t get back to the twins now.”
“You’re learning.” Sam chuckled as he walked with her to the fellowship room. Sure enough, Sadie stood toe-to-toe with Arabella.
“No, you can’t say that about Auntie Kelly,” she told her grandmother in an iron voice. Sadie turned her back, took Emma’s hand and led her toward Sam. “We’re going home. Now.”
“Yes, we are,” he agreed, thankful that the room was empty except for the two sets of grandparents, the pastor and some of the church ladies who’d served the food. “You two get your coats on but stay inside. We’ll go home in one of the big white cars.” He shot Kelly a look, hoping she’d recognize his silent request for help.
“I’ll come with you, girls,” she said immediately. “Uncle Sam, do you think they’ll warm up the car while we’re getting ready?”
“Yes, ma’am.” He leaned down near her ear to tease, “West Coast weakling. Can’t take a little cold?”
“It’s not a little cold.” Kelly leaned back to inform him in a pert tone, eyes sparkling with challenge. “It’s an Arctic blast, and I can hardly wait to get out of it.”
“You can’t leave us, Auntie Kel!” Sadie grabbed her hand and clung. “Please? I’ll be good. I won’t yell at Grannybell anymore, even if she does say bad things.”
“Bad things like what?” Sam immediately demanded with a frown at Arabella.
Sadie risked a look over one shoulder before she answered in the quietest voice Sam had ever heard her use.
“She said Auntie Kelly is going away because she never stays anywhere, and that Aunt Abby is gonna get us a new mommy and daddy. She said Emma and me might have to live in different houses.”
With steely control, Sam swallowed his anger. This was the house of God, a place Jake and Marina had taught the girls to revere. He wasn’t about to set a bad example, but he was going to straighten out Arabella and now was as good a time as any.
“That’s not right, Sadie.” Sam hunkered down to her level, unable to help himself from issuing a heartfelt prayer that God wouldn’t make him wrong about this. “Your home is on the ranch with me, Sadie Lady. You and Emma are my family. Aunt Abby’s going to help us make sure it stays that way. Okay?”
“Sure?” Sadie studied his face, eyes trusting. “Certain sure?” It was their special code, a cross-your-heart kind of promise that Sam wouldn’t break his word.
Please don’t let me disappoint her, God. Prayer number two—from a man who no longer prayed?
“Certain sure,” he insisted, too aware of Kelly watching him with a warning in her dark gaze. Sam ignored it as Sadie threw herself into his arms. He hugged her close, closed his eyes and inhaled that special fragrance that could only be Sadie while he mustered his third plea.
Just this once could You answer my prayer?
Chapter Four (#ulink_e0182a00-c927-5e80-81eb-24faa562275c)
Kelly had no idea what Sam said to her mother, but later that afternoon a chastened Arabella declined the offer to join the family for dinner, claiming a headache. She even declined the tray Kelly brought to her.
“I just want to sleep, to forget this day ever happened,” she said tearfully. “I want my daughter back.” Then her voice hardened as her shoulders went back. “I should never have allowed Marina to come to this place.”
“Allowed her?” Kelly gaped at her mother. “Mom, you couldn’t have stopped her. Marina loved it here with Jake and the kids. This was her home. She chose to live here and it was her choice.”
“You don’t understand.” Arabella’s scathing tone hurt, but Kelly kept her focus.
“You think not?” She couldn’t quite rid her voice of sarcasm. “Marina was my sister, my twin sister. I feel her loss as deeply as you, but I can’t wish her back. Why would I when she’s with her Lord?”
“You don’t understand because you haven’t had children. A mother feels things differently when it’s her own child. There’s a connection that’s like no other connection.” Arabella sniffed.
“The same might be said about twins,” Kelly murmured, trying not to feel hurt that her mother apparently found no such connection with her.
“Those twins would be better off somewhere else.” Arabella’s lips clamped together in a tight line.
“How can you say that?” Aghast, Kelly stared at the woman she’d never felt she understood. “This is their home.”
“Their foster home. Temporary. They’ll make a new home with some other woman.” Arabella shrugged. “Marina wasn’t their real mother no matter how much everyone pretends.”
“She was as much their mother as she was Jacob Samuel’s.” Kelly grit her teeth when Arabella shook her head.
“The connection between mother and child comes from carrying a baby near your heart for nine months. Marina had that with Jacob Samuel.” Her face wan, Arabella leaned back against her pillow with a sigh. “But she made do with the twins.”
“You mean like they were second best?” Indignant, Kelly smothered the words she longed to say to snap her mother back to reality. She was here to make things better, not worse. “If Marina heard you say that she’d be furious, Mom. She loved the twins as much as if they were her own flesh and blood. Pretending she didn’t is not a credit to her memory.”
“You’re pretending, sidling up to Sam, acting as if her family is yours because you have no one in your life.” There was a kind of sneering sound to the words. “Why did you come back, Kelly?” her mother demanded.
The question stopped Kelly in her tracks. She refused to show how deeply those words wounded. “I came back because my twin sister died, and I wanted to be here to help however I could.”
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