The Littlest Boss
Janet Lee Nye
Her daughter always comes firstSuccessful ER nurse Tiana Nelson has sacrificed a lot to provide for her daughter, Lily. She won't let anything, or anyone, jeopardize all she's accomplished. Not even handsome and charming engineer DeShawn Adams. But she's running into him everywhere, and when he connects with Lily, ignoring their attraction is impossible.After an unexpected visit from DeShawn's past, it's clear that his life isn't as settled as it seems. Tiana can't expose Lily to danger, but walking away from DeShawn isn't easy. Not when Tiana is beginning to suspect that the best thing she can give Lily—and herself—is a future with him.
Her daughter always comes first
Successful ER nurse Tiana Nelson has sacrificed a lot to provide for her daughter, Lily. She won’t let anything, or anyone, jeopardize all she’s accomplished. Not even handsome and charming engineer DeShawn Adams. But she’s running into him everywhere, and when he connects with Lily, ignoring their attraction is impossible.
After an unexpected visit from DeShawn’s past, it’s clear that his life isn’t as settled as it seems. Tiana can’t expose Lily to danger, but walking away from DeShawn isn’t easy. Not when Tiana is beginning to suspect that the best thing she can give Lily—and herself—is a future with him.
“Nice to meet you, Lily. I’m DeShawn.”
“Are you friends with my momma?”
He looked at Tiana, who was trying to scowl, but the effort of keeping a six-year-old balanced on her hip in the jostling crowd required too much effort. “DeShawn and I are acquaintances, Lily. That means we know each other but aren’t friends.”
“Can we still go watch the dogs with him?”
“It’s a great spot,” DeShawn said with a smile.
Tiana huffed out a breath. “Fine. For Lily.”
“Absolutely. Completely for Lily’s sake,” he replied. He held his hands out and Tiana let him take Lily. Swinging her easily up to his shoulders, he laughed at Lily’s excited squeal. “Hold on tight,” he said. “And, Momma, follow close. We’re going in.”
“Do not drop her,” she snapped.
Tiana grabbed a handful of his jacket and the feeling of her fingers brushing against the muscles of his back, even through the layers of fabric, sent a rush of heat down his spine.
Dear Reader (#uc66cf2bf-6b28-507c-bf65-c60739ed611c),
This is a story I hadn’t planned to tell. DeShawn was such a popular character from Spying on the Boss and Boss on Notice. Then Tiana showed up, as some characters do. I needed a friend for Mickie in Boss on Notice, and there she was. No planning. No notice. She was a character who pushed me aside and said, “I’ve got something to say here.”
The chemistry between Tiana and DeShawn was unplanned, just one of those happy writer moments when your characters come alive and surprise you. So of course they needed a happily-ever-after.
Many, many thanks to my prereaders: Vera H., Gabriella Brown, RN, Yashica Green, RN, and Djuanna B. Thank you for your input! I appreciate your time and support!
As a white woman, I hope I have done justice to my characters and their experiences. Any errors are mine and mine alone.
I hope you enjoy this conclusion to The Cleaning Crew miniseries.
Janet Lee Nye
The Littlest Boss
Janet Lee Nye
www.millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk)
JANET LEE NYE is a writer by day and a neonatal nurse by night. She lives in Charleston, South Carolina, with her fella and her felines. She spends too much time on Twitter and too little time on housework and has no plans to remedy this.
This is for all the nurses and caregivers out there. And to my WIC crew, who have cheered me on through every disappointment and every success. Thank you. Club 1035 rocks!
Contents
Cover (#ufac95da2-0946-53ae-b599-d6a36ef6416d)
Back Cover Text (#uc1077d34-f1bc-504f-8a33-13374a7f4a2c)
Introduction (#udfef38d9-f091-5a3f-8c1b-c3cb36ee78d1)
Dear Reader (#u12a3e728-f96e-5005-b22f-f6fcae9706f7)
Title Page (#uf74699af-2e20-53f4-8ace-5cf353b5240c)
About the Author (#ua99c2bd9-d527-55e0-8c32-6ee5646ecdb9)
Dedication (#ucc08add1-7792-55ac-8e16-484821f17347)
CHAPTER ONE (#ubd1307ec-e986-5844-a6a4-1cbb45ed1df4)
CHAPTER TWO (#u0979c3ff-db77-56f3-81e8-df56bc09976e)
CHAPTER THREE (#ua709f939-acdc-5937-8865-90adb6be39ff)
CHAPTER FOUR (#ua650624c-eddf-51c0-8b76-93418dfa2cd7)
CHAPTER FIVE (#u96f886e1-7a3d-5340-a9a5-658e7a932f23)
CHAPTER SIX (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER SEVEN (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER EIGHT (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER NINE (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER TEN (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER ELEVEN (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER TWELVE (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER THIRTEEN (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER FOURTEEN (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER FIFTEEN (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER SIXTEEN (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER NINETEEN (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER TWENTY (#litres_trial_promo)
Extract (#litres_trial_promo)
Copyright (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER ONE (#uc66cf2bf-6b28-507c-bf65-c60739ed611c)
THE GUY IN the produce section of Publix was about to make an amateur mistake with the avocados. He had two of them in his hands, ripe and ready to eat by the look of them. The way to do it, Tiana Nelson knew, was to buy one for now and one for later. Swap one of those for one a bit more green, she thought. You’ll be glad you did a few days from now. What to do? Approach and tell him? She was tempted. That arm. He wasn’t even flexing it, just had it angled enough so he could give the lush fruit a little squeeze, and Wow. Okay. That’s a well-built fella. The jacket he was wearing didn’t conceal his muscles at all, did it? Hard curves moved beneath the fabric.
She maneuvered her shopping cart, trying to get closer without being conspicuous, dodging a flustered mom who was trying to snag a singing child in an Adventure Time sweatshirt pirouetting between the apples and the bananas. There was something about the guy with the avocados—besides the fact that he was exceptionally easy on the eyes—but it wasn’t until he glanced over at her and she caught a spark of recognition in his expression that she understood.
I know him. He knows me.
She was running all the possibilities through her mind—work, school, gym, here—when he grinned at her and it clicked. That grin. She knew that smug, snarky grin. Sugar sticks! That smart-alecky maid. What was his name?
“Nurse Ratched!” he said, setting the avocados in his basket and looking entirely too pleased with himself. “I’d recognize that scowl anywhere.”
And then she did actually scowl, and frowned at the realization that she’d done so, and immediately tried to cool her expression into a kind of bemused grin. Oh, that guy. One of Josh’s guys from the Cleaning Crew. She waved a hand toward the juice aisle and said, “Did they call for a cleanup in aisle two, Man Maid?” She felt a flush of heat in her neck and cheeks as she said it.
He laughed and strolled closer to her with a purely casual confidence that irked her. All at once she was acutely aware of how she must look, straight off the end of a long, crazy shift in the ER, in wrinkled blue scrubs and beat-up Asics that probably should have been swapped out six months ago. Wait, there isn’t vomit on my pants or anything, is there? Random bodily fluid stains were always a possibility on her shift. Tiana pulled her coat closed and tried to keep her expression casual, amused but disinterested. But darn if he wasn’t a fine-looking man.
“They actually let you take care of people now?” he said. His grin had reappeared—big, wide and goofy, making everything feel like it was all in fun.
“Take care,” she said, reverting to Stern Nurse Mode. “More like save lives, Mr. Maid. Why are you here? I thought you were joining the army or something.”
“Or something,” he repeated, putting a hand over his heart. The grin faded a bit—just a bit—as if those words had hit him a little too hard.
Uh-oh. There’s a story there, she thought.
But he bounced back right away. “You do remember me,” he said. “I’m touched.”
“Tetched maybe,” Tiana said with a laugh.
The grin may have faded but the mischievous gleam in his eyes had not. “Life. You know. You have a plan and sometimes it falls through.” He paused, just for a beat or two, then added, “I went with Army National Guard instead of active duty. Got a great job as a civilian here at the Corps of Engineers.”
“Oh. Okay,” she said. “Well. That’s good.” She put her hands back on the shopping cart handle and felt something brush by her at hip level. The whirling child had reappeared, the pirouettes now alternating with mini jetés, and his flustered mom gave Tiana a glance of apology as she scooped her budding ballet dancer up into her arms. She needed to get home. Wednesday night was some prime Netflix watching.
“Sorry,” the boy’s mother said as he thrust a sticky handful of Gummi Bears toward Tiana. “Caleb, I swear...”
Tiana laughed. “Not a problem,” she said. She smiled in solidarity as she watched the mom plop her squirming child into the shopping cart and buckle him in. The struggle is real—don’t I know it. That reminded her. She needed to get herself moving so she could be back home before Lily went to bed. She winced as she watched Caleb rub the handful of candy against the cart handle and then stuff the entire wad into his mouth. Ah, well, it’ll give his immune system something to do.
As Caleb and his mom disappeared around the corner, Tiana remembered Mr. Hottie Maid’s name. DeShawn Adams! He was still watching her, his mouth twisted up into that grin, suggesting he was barely holding back on a snarky comment. Mmm-hmm. He may have lost the little goatee he’d had when she last saw him, but he was still the perfect picture of tall, dark and handsome. His hair was short and once again she considered how not even the light jacket he was wearing against Charleston’s February chill could hide that body. Tall and strong and muscled and probably even a really good guy once you got past his Mr. Smarty Pants facade. Ugh. Stop.
“Yeah,” she said, tapping her fingers on her cart. “Well, hey, DeShawn, nice to see you, but I do need to get going.” She gave him a little wave, then remembered. “Oh, wait. The avocados.” She gestured toward his basket. “I was going to say. Get one that’s ripe now and one that’s going to be ripe soon. That’s how my mom always told me to do it.”
He nodded, that twisted-up smirk still concealing a zinger, and then he reached into the pile, plucked out not one but two green avocados and placed them in his basket beside the pair of ripe ones.
One of Tiana’s eyebrows went up.
“Hey,” DeShawn said, “I really like guacamole. Now and later.”
Tiana groaned. “Later, Man Maid.”
His laugh was rich and warm. It was a good kind of laugh, a hey-we-just-connected laugh, and it followed her as she tried to make her exit and slip on down an aisle. “Hey, Tiana?” DeShawn called out. “Speaking of later...”
She turned just long enough to give him a decidedly chilly look. “Later,” she repeated. “Good to see you.” She regretted the aisle she’d turned into as soon as she chose it, but there was no way to turn around now without looking flustered. She so wanted to appear casual but she felt like she was going to trip over her own feet. Was she overtired? It had been a long shift at the hospital. Was he still watching her? He was still as infuriating as ever and she had enough on her plate right now. New job. New city. Settling in with Lily. Her mother had moved to Charleston with them to help her, so that was another adjustment. Living with her mother again made her feel like she was still fifteen years old rather than a grown woman, a working professional. The last thing she needed was a smart-ass man on top of that tangled knot. She looked around, one hand up as if trying to decide on an item. When she finally looked back, trying to make it appear nonchalant, he was gone. Good. She looked at the shelf in front of her. Nothing but applesauce, fruit cups and dates. She picked up a box, inspected it. What? No. No way. She definitely did not need any dates, ha-ha. Even though Man Maid was super yummy.
What was wrong with her?
* * *
LILY, HER ARMS wide and a huge dimply-cheeked smile on her face, was running toward her as soon as she opened the front door. “Momma! You’re home!”
Tiana dipped down to eye level with her child, smiling but serious, and put a hand up in the universal sign of stop right there. “Hold up, Lily,” she said. “What’s the rule?”
Lily skidded to a halt and her little face became serious. “No hugging in nurse clothes,” she recited. Tiana’s heart skipped a beat, she loved this girl so much. Lily standing there in her lavender pajamas trying to play at wearing a stern face. Was it possible for anyone to be so adorable?
As much as Tiana wanted to scoop her daughter up and squeeze her tight, the reality was there could be anything lurking on her scrubs after twelve hours in the emergency department. And this shift had been all kinds of hot messiness, the kind of stuff usually reserved for the night shift when the moon was full. Old guy coughing like he was going to heave a wet lung across the back of the hand that he held halfheartedly in front of his face. A gunshot wound rolled in by ambulance; just a kid, really, late teens, lying there stunned, groaning, as the paramedic—Rachel, one of the best—called out the particulars to Dr. Dean. The kid had made it. Dr. Dean could go stone-cold in the worst of traumas and direct every person in the room with a flat precision that was almost eerie to behold. What else? The toddler with the telltale inspiratory whoop. The dude who walked in wanting a sperm count, of all things. She was still shaking her head over that one.
A whirlwind, that’s what the last twelve-plus hours of her life had been. She sighed. And that wasn’t even counting the awkwardness that was the ill-advised stop at the grocery store on her way home.
But...that was then. You leave that there, if you can, and you can because you have to. That was the first thing she’d learned after nursing school. It was required, for your own sanity. Nurse Tiana needed to take a breath, let go and ease back into being Mommy. She smiled and blew air kisses to Lily as she put the bags down on the counter.
“I could have picked up groceries, Tee,” her mother said as she entered the kitchen. “Go get changed. I’ll put these away.” Vivian took the bags from her and placed them near the sink. She could have at least tried not to shake her head side to side as she inspected each purchase. “Lot of salt in these,” she said as she shook a pack of corn chips en route to the pantry. She pursed her lips as she reached back in the bag, rummaging around. “Sugar, sugar, salt. Oh, well, now, here’s a vegetable. Not bad!”
“I know,” Tiana said, bristling. “I just wanted to grab a couple of things.” She sensed Lily reaching to pat her waist and she caught herself just in time.
“Germy-wormy,” Lily said, wearing a pout. “I remember.”
“Oh, sweetie, I’m sorry. I’ll get cleaned up right now, okay? Then we can cuddle.”
Lily nodded, then asked if she would read her a bedtime story. Tiana smiled and told her that was all she wanted in the whole world. And it was the truth.
The shower ran long and hot, easing the knots bunched up in her back and shoulders, and she stood there, indulging herself in the luxury of it. Say what you wanted about this place, the water heater alone was worth it—it just kept churning out a steady, soothing rush of heat. When she finally stepped out of the shower, she felt 99 percent human again.
After slipping into her favorite Hello Kitty sleep pants—shut up, she could if she wanted—and an old, comfy T-shirt, Tiana let herself relax. She curled up with her little girl and opened up one of her favorites. She remembered her own mother reading it to her when she herself was little.
As she read the story to Lily—the poor girl was exhausted; her eyes struggled to stay open even as she nodded along with the rhythm of the words—Tiana reflected on how the peace and comfort of home was so necessary. A refuge. A need right up there with food and water. You had to have a place where you felt safe and loved, where you could just be you.
“Are you going to be here all night?” Lily asked in a low mumble. Her cheek was already pressed to her pillow and her eyes were shut.
“Sure, honey,” Tiana said. “I will.” She brushed her fingertips along Lily’s shoulder. Lily nodded. By the look of it, she’d be out soon, sleeping soundly.
Sound sleep, now there’s an idea, Tiana thought. She’d have to get some of that for herself.
“Do you have to go to work tomorrow, Mommy?” Lily asked as Tiana placed the book on the bedside table and pulled the comforter up to her daughter’s chin.
“Not tomorrow, honey. I get to take you to school and pick you up after. Maybe we can go on a special date, just the two of us. What do you think about that?”
Lily snuggled down deep in the blankets. “Fun. Mommy?”
“Yes, love?”
“I was thinking. I don’t want a fish pet. I want a kitten pet.”
Tiana kissed Lily’s forehead. “We’ll talk about that later.” Lily murmured as she turned toward her pillow. Tiana and slipped out of the room, pulling the door almost, but not quite shut.
Standing there in the hallway, she considered how much had changed since she’d first stepped foot into nursing school. Talk about whirlwinds! And then there was the day she’d sat in her car in utter despair after taking her boards, sure that she’d tanked it and that it had been all for nothing. But it turned out she’d done okay. Better than okay, really. Now her workdays were filled with helping other people deal with the worst day of their lives. She was still in her orientation phase, working under the guidance of an experienced nurse. The skills were easy to learn. Charting. Which doctor to call. All of those things were simple. What was hard was finding that line within herself: the line that allowed you to be a caring and compassionate nurse yet still keep your heart safe.
You can’t bleed for your patients or you’ll burn out in a year.
Those words, the first thing her preceptor had taught her, were the most difficult part of the job to master. Because she was a problem fixer. She wanted to fix every aspect of a patient’s life. But she couldn’t. She knew that. But it didn’t stop her from wanting to.
* * *
“I HAVE YOUR supper warmed up,” Vivian called from the kitchen.
Walking toward her, Tiana felt the fatigue of the day beginning to weigh her down. She put an arm around her mother, pulled her close. “Thanks, Mom.”
“Rough day?”
Tiana shrugged. “No more than usual.”
At the small dining room table, Tiana looked around at the apartment. She’d just moved her little family in a week ago, and it still seemed surreal. After years of cheap college apartments and two months in an extended-stay hotel while she began her orientation, it was certainly the nicest place she’d ever lived, even though the monthly payment about gave her heart failure. A small smile crossed her lips as she looked around. She could afford it though. Finally. Financial freedom was the ultimate freedom. Three bedrooms, hardwood floors, walk-in closets, granite-topped counters, sleek black brand-new appliances. She’d done this. Yeah, it was expensive, but she’d made it. Lily was in a great elementary school, living in a great town with endless opportunity. Everything she’d worked for when she left Lily with her mother and went away to school. Sometimes, she would stop and look around, still surprised she’d made it out the other side.
Her mother’s hand closed over hers as if she’d read her thoughts. “You’ve done well, Tee. I’m so proud of you.”
Squeezing her mother’s hand, she nodded. “We did it. Together. I couldn’t have done it without you. We did this, Mom.”
“The Three Musketeers. Now eat your food and go to bed.”
That made her laugh. “Okay, Mom.”
She took a few bites. Her mother could cook, that was a truth. Even when she followed the recipe perfectly, her food didn’t taste like her mother’s. Tiana suspected secret ingredients.
“Lily wants a kitten now instead of a fish.”
“Ha! She’d rather go for furry and snuggly than for scaly and slimy? Imagine that!” Vivian mimed locking her lips and throwing away a key. “Not even going to touch that battle. Good luck.”
Letting out a tired sigh, Tiana finished the rest of her food. As much as she hated to admit it, Lily had inherited her determined streak. When Lily put her foot down, crossed her arms, and held her chin high, she looked like a mini CEO getting ready for a meeting with the Board of Directors. In pajamas! Tiana shook her head, smiled, and sighed again. As hard as she had to be, tried to be, that girl had her heart wrapped around her little finger. The littlest boss.
But a kitten, gah.
Maybe a few more trips to the aquarium? Find some super enthusiastic intern who could spin tales of clever clownfish, sunlight sparkling across rainbow-colored scales just below the surface, mermaids, sails and all the wonders of the deep blue sea?
Hey, it was worth a try.
CHAPTER TWO (#uc66cf2bf-6b28-507c-bf65-c60739ed611c)
“DESHAWN!”
He’d barely stepped inside the restaurant when—wham—there was the tackle hug. Sadie Martin nearly knocked him over. He returned the exuberant hug, lifting her off her feet for a moment. Aw, Sadie. Seeing her was good medicine. He’d been feeling low, falling into that woulda, coulda, shoulda trap, but all that fell away as soon she’d crushed his ribs with her trademark Sadie Squeeze. He was glad to be home. Happy to return to Charleston. Where he had friends he considered family. “Boss-Lady Sadie,” he said with a smile.
She gave him an appraising look, a single worry line between her eyebrows. “You look skinny,” she said, after a moment’s pause. Then: “Are you eating?”
“Sure, I’m eating. Just don’t have to maintain the muscle mass required for my previous employment.” He rolled his shoulders and puffed his chest out, flexing just enough to make her laugh, keeping it light.
“That’s all right, that’s all right,” she said. “Blame me for you being too lazy to work out. I see how you are.”
“God, I missed you, Sadie.”
“Glad to be home?”
“You don’t even know.”
“How’s that ankle?”
The ankle. The stupid accident had held up his entry into the army but had opened a new path for him. It had been a momentary lapse in concentration, one slight misstep on a ladder followed by five months of casts and surgery and rehab. If he hadn’t been careless, yeah, well...woulda coulda shoulda, right?
“It’s fine,” he said. “I’m back up to full speed. Thinking about doing the Cooper River Bridge Run this year. But the ankle, yeah...it does predict rain very accurately. There is that.”
He looked around the bustling restaurant. Busy Friday night. It was new. The West Ashley area of Charleston was booming. Booming could be a good thing. Lots of work. But the traffic—the traffic was definitely not an upside. New houses and apartments going up everywhere he looked, from out past Summerville all the way up to Mount Pleasant. Used to be scenic drives out to those places, nothing but green trees and Carolina sun. Now it was a slow roll through bumper-to-bumper traffic. Still, the scent of barbecue was making it hard to dwell on all that. He was here now and his stomach growled. The hostess led them to a booth in the back.
“The potato salad is to die for,” Sadie said. “It’s made with horseradish.”
“Is it hot?” he said.
“Surprisingly cool and creamy. Just enough of a zing to let you know it’s the good stuff.”
“Huh.”
After the waitress brought them each a glass of ice water, jotted their orders down with a few quick swipes of her pen and walked off toward the kitchen, Sadie turned serious.
“How’s the job?” She leveled her eyes at DeShawn. It was her business look. It was a kind professionalism, to be sure. Sadie was good people. But business was business.
“Good. I like it. It feels a little odd. I’m actually doing the things I studied in school. Who would have expected that? But I’m excited.”
“You’re part of the navy base transition?”
“Yep. Working on the new I-26 and Cosgrove interchange.”
“What does that entail?”
“Right now, a lot of walking around in the cold and measuring things.”
“Sounds divine. I’m glad you’re happy. I was worried about you.”
“You always worry about everyone.”
“True. But I was extra worried about you.”
He took her hands and looked her in the eyes. “I’m fine. You know, not gonna lie. I was disappointed that I couldn’t go into the army. That hit hard. But it’s okay. I love my job. I still get the opportunity to travel. And I’m in the Army National Guard. It’s still everything I wanted. Just...scaled down a bit.”
She nodded. “So, it’s going well?”
Her tone was casual but her gaze was locked on him. She could win her a staring contest. That was a fact. That was how she climbed to the top of her business. Made it with sheer determination, absolute focus. Resisting the urge to squirm when the silence stretched too long, DeShawn shrugged. “Yeah, okay,” he said. “So there’s a learning curve. But that’s normal right?”
“Yes.” She drew the word out into at least four syllables. “Spit it out, DeShawn. What’s wrong?”
That made him laugh. Momma Bear. That was what he and the other guys in the Cleaning Crew would call her. She could smell a problem from three miles away.
“It feels weird,” he said. “I feel weird. I look around at my coworkers and they know everything. They’re just going around doing their jobs and I feel like I’m acting in a play.”
Her expression softened and she bobbed her head. “I know that feeling well. When I have to go to those professional women’s meetings, I feel the same way. What in the hell am I doing here?”
He nodded, tapped his fingers on the table. “Well, okay, so that’s what it is. But how do I fix it?”
“Keep showing up,” she said. Her right eye got a little twitchy. She looked down and to the left for a heartbeat, then met his gaze directly. “That’s how. Eventually it wears off. Well, it gets better. Just a twinge now and then.”
He nodded along with her and smiled. It did make him feel a little better, being on the same page with Momma Bear. Sadie was his biggest role model. She’d gone from being essentially homeless—she hadn’t even had a high school degree—and from that place and time in her life, she’d went on to build an award-winning cleaning company. She’d even made herself rich along the way. It wasn’t the typical outcome one would expect. Sadie was definitely an outlier, definitely two or three standard deviations from the mean at least. But she was also right here in front of him—real, honest, relatable—and it gave him hope. He thought about that a lot these days. Hope, and what it meant to people. The difference it made in their lives, having it. Thought about the crazy idea he’d been bouncing around in his mind. About how he could maybe start spreading some of that hope around.
“I never really thanked you,” he said to her. “For all you did. For me. For a lot of people.”
She frowned, her brow wrinkling slightly. “What do you mean?” she said. She picked at a corner of her napkin.
“For hiring me,” he said. “That was crucial. That was more than just a cameo role in the story of my success.”
“I gave you a job, DeShawn. That doesn’t make me a hero.” She cleared her throat and took a sip of water, watching him over the top of the glass.
“No, you did more than that. The only job I’d had before that—before you took a chance on me—was washing dishes in a diner. You showed me how to take pride in a job well done, how to behave like a professional adult.”
Her cheeks flushed and she looked down at the table to fiddle with the silverware. “Ugh,” she muttered before taking a deep breath and looking up at him. “Thank you, DeShawn. You’re very kind.”
That surprised a laugh out of him. “What was that?”
“Lena is trying to teach me how to gracefully accept a compliment.”
“Keep practicing,” he said. “It’ll get better. Someday it’ll just be a twinge.”
“Smart-ass.”
DeShawn sat back, grinning, as the waitress returned with their plates, piled high with pulled pork and all sorts of deliciousness. He looked at the bottles of sauce on the table and reached for the mustard-based one.
“Try a dab of the white sauce,” Sadie said as she poured a generous dollop of it on her plate before handing him the bottle. “It’s lured me away from mustard sauce.”
DeShawn made a concerned face and leaned closer. “Is it legal to not use mustard-based sauce in Charleston now?”
Sadie snort laughed and that made him laugh. Add another point to why coming home was the best decision. He and the guys used to keep score of how many times they could make Sadie snort laugh. Highest score got Friday night drinks free.
“Charleston has become very progressive in its acceptance of diverse barbecue sauces.”
He tried the white sauce—“Meh.”—and went back to his favorite one.
While they ate, he gathered the courage to speak his idea out loud. Maybe it was too soon. Maybe he needed some time. Stop feeling like a fake. How could he help others when he didn’t fully believe in himself yet?
“Hey, Sadie?”
“Yeah?”
“Do you know where Henry is teaching?”
Sadie wiped her mouth with her napkin and swallowed a mouthful of pork. “Henry? My Henry?”
“Yes, your Henry,” he said with a smile.
Once a Cleaning Crew member, you were family for life. Henry had oriented DeShawn when he first joined the Crew. He’d graduated and gone off to teach a few months later.
“I don’t remember the actual school, but it’s down near Hilton Head, Beaufort, that area, but inland.”
DeShawn nodded. That sounded like Henry. Inland. Rural. “Do you have his number?”
“Yes. Why?”
He shrugged and felt a bit of heat on his cheeks. Saying it out loud was scarier than he’d expected. But this was Sadie. She wasn’t going to let him wiggle out of an answer. Maybe that was why he’d come to her. He fiddled with his silverware and, keeping his eyes on the table, he blurted it out. “I was thinking that maybe I could talk to kids who come from backgrounds like mine and, I don’t know, help them somehow.” He looked up at her. She had sat back in her chair and was looking at him appraisingly. He looked back down. “Never mind. It’s a stupid idea.”
“No!” she said. She looked at him directly. “I think it’s an amazing idea. What would you talk to them about?”
“Well, I haven’t gotten that far with it yet. I think I need to talk to Henry first. Find out if there’s a need. What that need is.”
Sadie was nodding. “I’m sure there is. There’s always a need.”
Sighing with relief, he sat back in the chair. Wasn’t that the truth? Always someone who needed a hand up.
Sadie pulled her phone out of her purse. “Do you remember Lena? My accountant?”
DeShawn laughed. “Remember? How could anyone forget her? She’s remarkably unforgettable.”
Sadie narrowed her eyes in a mock show of suspicion. “What are you saying about my best friend?”
Lifting his hands, palms up, DeShawn smiled. “Not saying anything. She’s a delight. Sunshine on spring flowers.”
Sadie snorted out a laugh. “Let me give you Henry and Lena’s contact information. Lena did something very similar for the kids out at the Toribio Mission. I’m sure she’d be happy to help you develop this.”
He loaded the numbers into his phone with a growing sense of excitement. He hadn’t been able to pinpoint the flat feeling he’d had the last few months. Not until this idea had begun to form. All his life, he’d been striving for a goal. Get through high school. Get through college. Get into the army. Even when he’d broken his ankle and his plans changed, it was also a goal. Get the ankle healed, rehab done, qualify for Army National Guard, and get a job. Once all that was accomplished, he’d thought he was done. But instead, he felt like everything had gone too slow, too quiet.
He needed a new goal. And he thought he might have found it. The quiver of excitement of a new project brought a grin to his lips. “So, what’s this I hear about Lena? She found a man who isn’t afraid of her? Is that actually possible?”
Sadie laughed. “Matt. Yeah. She’s goofy in love.”
“Speaking of goofy in love—when’s the wedding? Soon, right?”
“April.” She rolled her eyes. “It’s gotten out of hand.”
“That’s just you. Only thing you’d be comfortable with would be going to a UPS store and having the notary marry you on your lunch break or something.”
“See!” Sadie exclaimed, spreading her arms. “That’s exactly what I wanted. And they all act like I’m the crazy one.”
DeShawn laughed. He’d missed this. Missed the Crew. Missed Sadie. For the first time since he’d slipped off that ladder and sent his careful plans flying in the wind, he felt everything was going to be okay.
* * *
AFTER WRESTLING OVER the check and winning, DeShawn gave Sadie another hug and headed to his car. As he slid behind the wheel, his phone vibrated in his shirt pocket. He fished it out while cranking the engine to get the heat going. Charleston winters were usually mild, but a cold snap was in progress and the temperatures were dipping down into the twenties at night. He swiped left to reject an unknown call and then dropped the phone back in his pocket.
As he pulled out of the parking lot onto Savannah Highway, the phone meep-meeped, signaling a new voice message. Ignoring it, he drove to the little apartment he called home for now. He didn’t need much. A bedroom. A kitchen. Charleston real estate was crazy expensive right now, so his plan was to live as cheaply as possible, pay off his student loans and start building his meager savings. He hoped to buy a condominium after the loans were paid off. If his car held up that long. Start to put down some roots. Build a life here.
Once home, he changed out of his work clothes into a pair of Deadpool sweat pants and an Iron Man T-shirt. Hey, he liked Marvel Comics. Time to kick back and relax. See what’s new on Hulu. But first he had to make sure that unknown call wasn’t work related. He was sure he had everyone properly identified in his phone, but didn’t want to take a chance.
He hit the voice mail number and put the phone on speaker. He had one new message. There was a brief pause. He was just about to delete it, thinking it was a robocall, when a hesitant female voice began to speak.
“DeShawn? This is your mother. Denise? I know we’ve had our troubles but I’ve been clean and sober for three months now. I’d like to talk to you. If you want. Okay? Just...uh...call me back? If you want.”
He stared at the phone as it went through its beeps and prompts. Save this message? Delete? He hit Delete with a shock-numbed finger and let the phone slip from his hand. His mother. Damn. The stunned feeling began to wear off and he slowly became aware of a simmering anger building in his chest. Not now. Not when he was finally settled. Not when he’d finally crawled out of that whole situation. He’d washed his hands of his family after his grandmother, Momma G, had passed away. She had raised him, had done as right as she could by him.
But the memories he still had of the times when he had been with his parents, the memories of his parents showing up at all hours of the night after she’d taken him under her wing, made him feel as if he were right back there, in those powerless childhood days and nights of knowing. Of knowing about the drinking, the drugs, the emotional blackmail they’d leverage against Momma G. And it was always money, needing money, when they’d show up and try to make her—Momma G, the only one who’d shown him love and compassion, the one who believed in him—feel like she was the problem, she was the one in the wrong.
He’d never forget the way his gut would twist when he heard that first hissing sound of a beer can being cracked open, knowing that it was just the start of a night or a weekend-long rollercoaster ride through hell. He remembered feeling his body tense as he heard one or both of them shouting at Momma G. Alone in his room, he’d be too far from the argument to pick out the details, the specific words being thrown out in the air, but the intent, the tone—that was unmistakable.
He remembered how strong Momma G had been. The weight she’d carried, all those years, on her shoulders. What must it have been like for her, looking at her child, trying to speak reason, and seeing only the empty eyes of a blackout drunk who wouldn’t even remember what she’d said or done when she woke up in the morning? Eyes are supposed to be the windows to the soul, right? So what does it say when you look into someone’s eyes and see nothing, not a hint of compassion, nothing that can be appealed to, only that addict’s need for more?
And that someone is your child?
Momma G must have been a lion inside, to be that strong. Because in those harrowing days, she’d had to make a choice: her daughter or her grandson. What do they call it on the battlefield, when the medics wander from screaming body to screaming body, figuring out who might survive? Triage. That was the word.
Momma G, his beloved grandmother, had to triage her own family. And when she looked at her grandson, she saw something in him that made her say: Him. I choose him. He has a chance and I’m going to make sure he keeps that chance.
He caught himself spinning on the edge of all those memories. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath. Held it, way down deep in his gut. He slowly released his breath.
Okay. Let go of it. It’s not now. It’s not happening now. Let go.
Standing, he paced around the small living room area. Sober for three months? Come back when you got three years on you. Then maybe I’ll believe you. Trust? Huh. Don’t push it. A few months is a hiccup, not a change. He couldn’t deal with this right now. It did all the wrong things to him, getting these memories stirred up.
Pulling on his running shoes and finding his hoodie, he grabbed the keys, intending to go for a run. Stepping out into the cold, dark evening, he paused. Maybe he should go to the gym, use the treadmill. Save the running in a hoodie for daylight. He shook his head in exasperation. This world just doesn’t stop, does it?
At the gym, he set a grueling pace. Running. Running from the ghosts. Trying to sweat the poison out of his body. His anger twisted and turned. Finally, he hit the stop button and lifted his feet off the belt and onto the sides. Head down, heart pounding, his ragged breathing loud in his ears, he realized he was angry at himself. He’d thought he’d put it all behind him. That phone call should have had no more emotional impact than a mosquito buzzing around his head. Instead, it had enraged him. Kindled all the pain and fury he thought he’d exorcised from his life. Just like a damned addict. Knows exactly the right time to pop up and mess everything up. Not this time.
CHAPTER THREE (#uc66cf2bf-6b28-507c-bf65-c60739ed611c)
“IT’S THE BABY! It’s the baby!”
Lily was jumping up and down, waving her hands in the air. Tiana grabbed her to keep her from rushing into the parking lot as the SUV pulled into a parking spot. “Ian’s not a baby, honey. He’s two years old.”
“But he’s not a big boy,” Lily said. “I’m six and I’m a big girl and he’s littler than me.” Her eyes were wide and sparkling. Tiana felt her own mouth spread into a smile. She gave her daughter a quick hug and booped her nose.
“True,” she said. “But he’s really a toddler.”
“Baby.”
Tiana grinned and waved as Mickie climbed out of the car. “Mickie!”
“Tee!”
They met at the sidewalk and embraced. “It is so good to see you,” Tiana said as she stepped back to look Mickie up and down. “Pale skin. Bags under the eyes. Permanent worried look on the face. Yep. You are a full-fledged nursing student!”
Mickie made a sound. Half laughter, half frustrated growl. “You are one hundred percent correct. Let me get little man out.”
They laughed and chattered all the way back to the apartment. Lily took Ian off to her room so she could read to him. She was very proud of her reading skills. Tiana settled down on the couch next to Mickie. She hadn’t yet made many female friends here, so it was good to have a friendly face, even if only for a few hours.
“How’s it going?” They both asked at the same time. Then laughed.
“How’s school going?”
“Good. It’s stressful, like you said. But I’m running fast as I can to stay ahead of it. And I was able to land a patient care tech job on the mother-baby unit. Not where I want to be, but I’ve got a job reference now and I’m in the hospital system. How are you?”
“Feels like the first few months of nursing school all over again. But with patients and blood. I’m just now starting to feel like I’ve got a handle on it.”
“But do you love it? Is the emergency department still where you want to be?”
“Yeah. The chaos of it all can make me wonder if I’ve lost my mind, but it’s exciting. I’m never bored. It’s always a challenge.”
“Good. I’m trying to really make myself take a good look at each of the specialties as we rotate through. I don’t want to be so focused on being a labor nurse that I miss an interest somewhere else.”
Tiana nodded, remembering how it had been, being there, doing that, and not all that long ago. She looked up at Mickie and smiled. “That’s my girl,” she said.
They both started speaking at once—eager to share their stories, compare notes, when the front door opened and Vivian walked in carrying what seemed like her own weight in grocery bags.
“Mom!” Tiana scolded, getting up. “You should have called. I would have helped you carry those up.”
Viv laughed. “No, girl. I’m the gold medal winner of carrying all the groceries inside in one trip.” She set the bags down and motioned at Mickie. “Come here, sweet girl, how are you doing?”
“Perfect, thanks to your daughter. She got me completely ready for nursing school.”
“Where’s that little boy of yours?”
“In the bedroom with Lily,” Tiana said. She side-eyed Mickie. “Here’s where she completely forgets we’re in the house because she has babies to play with.”
“Well, that leads me to my rude question,” Mickie said. “Would it be okay if Ian hangs out here for a while?”
“Of course,” Vivian said automatically. “Long as you need.”
“Thank you. I know it’s short notice, but this thing with my boyfriend, Josh, this afternoon. I didn’t know he’d be like this. Now that the time is near, he’s devastated. He needs my full support for this.”
“What’s going on?” Tiana asked.
Mickie glanced down the hallway, listening to Lily’s lilting voice as she read aloud to Ian. “He’s moving his mother’s body to another cemetery,” she said in a lowered voice.
Vivian put a hand over her heart and turned a worried look at Mickie. “What’s up with this?”
Mickie sighed. “His father abused his mother. When she tried to leave, he killed her and himself. Josh found out they were buried side by side and he wanted his mother moved away.”
“Oh, honey,” Viv said, pulling Mickie into her arms. “I’ll be praying for you through this.”
Tiana wrapped her arms around Mickie also. “We’re here for you. All of you.”
“Thank you,” Mickie said, stepping back and wiping her face. “But there’s more.”
“More than that?” Tiana asked.
“A good more. Josh got a call from DeShawn. He’s working on putting together a project for a teacher he knows. He’s looking for people from disadvantaged backgrounds who’ve gone on to college and successful careers. He wants to put together a program for his students. I thought it sounded like something you’d be interested in doing.”
Tiana narrowed her eyes. “DeShawn?”
“Yeah, you remember him, right? From last summer?”
Tiana got up off the couch and went to the kitchen. Dumping fresh ice into her water bottle, she shook her head and let out a breath. “Did he tell Josh that he saw me at the grocery store the other day?”
Mickie stood. She walked over, closer to Tiana, and leaned against the kitchen countertop. “No,” she said. “Not that I’m aware of.”
“Hmph,” Tiana snorted. The damn man would say anything. “Tell him I’m not interested.”
“Really?” Mickie said. Her eyebrows went up and she pursed her lips, just slightly. Then her face relaxed. “I thought you would have liked that. You’re such a natural teacher.”
“It’s not the project. It’s the man. Is he really doing this or is it a scam to get my phone number?”
“I doubt it. DeShawn’s a good guy.”
Tiana nodded and her eyes narrowed.
“I’m sure he is, but I don’t have time for games.”
Mickie frowned and pushed away from the counter. “What should I tell him then?”
Tiana sighed, sucking in one corner of her lips and dropping her chin. She shook her head side to side once, then again. She picked a piece of lint off of her sleeve, examined it and then walked over to drop it in the trash can. “Give me his number,” she said. “And tell him I’ll think about it.”
Mickie slipped her phone out, then swiped and scrolled a few times. Her brow knit and she bit her bottom lip. “Come on, come on, where are you?” She swept her finger across the screen. “Ah, okay. Here we go.” She grabbed the closest pencil and scribbled a number on the top of the calendar hanging on the wall. “Ugh,” she said, obviously noticing all Lily’s school projects, tests and meet-the-teacher nights listed. First graders had so much to do. “I don’t know if I’ll be able to manage this when Ian gets to school.” She tapped the calendar with the pencil eraser and turned to look at Tiana.
“It doesn’t stop,” Tiana said. She was smiling now. “I’m not going to kid you.”
“Yikes,” Mickie said, glancing at the time. “I need to get going. Let me say goodbye to Ian.” She pulled Tiana in for a hug. “Thank you again for helping me out.”
“You just be there for your man.”
* * *
FEBRUARY GAVE THEM the gift of one of those rare cold days with sunshine and blue skies. The occasional icy breeze was the only reminder it was deep winter. DeShawn sat on one of the black folding chairs set out around a bright green awning over an open grave. Josh sat unmoving like a stone. Mickie leaned against Josh, holding his hand tight in hers. Kim, Josh’s sister, was on his other side, holding his hand also. Beside her were her adoptive parents.
He’d been to funerals. Many. Too many. But this was...a reinternment. What an odd word. What an odd thing for a beautiful Saturday afternoon. A word for repeating what should only ever have to be done once for someone. He glanced to his left at Sadie. Wyatt, her fiancé, had her left hand clasped in both of his. Her lips were pressed tightly together, moving her gaze from Josh, she reached out and took his hand. He squeezed her fingers and leaned in close to her.
“Is he okay?” he whispered.
Sadie didn’t answer, but gave a shrug while shaking her head, just barely. DeShawn turned his attention back to the chaplain, who was giving the standard funeral oratory. At the end, Josh stood and approached the coffin. He set a bouquet of red roses on the gleaming wood.
“Be at peace, Momma,” he said, his voice wavering. He patted the coffin. “You’re safe now.” He stepped back.
Mickie and Sadie simultaneously began crying. DeShawn felt his own throat close up tight. He wanted to put his arm around Sadie, but Wyatt already had her. He clasped his hands together on his lap and looked down at the ground.
“It’s okay.”
He looked back up at the sound of Josh’s words. Josh sat back in his chair and pulled Mickie into his arms. “It’s okay,” Josh repeated.
DeShawn reached out and put a hand on Josh’s shoulder. As did Sadie. For a moment, he felt the strength and fierce love that joined them. Sadie. Josh. They’d been his family for so long. And now look at them. Starting their own families. He looked back down. Thought about the phone call from his mother. He shook his head. There’s nothing to salvage from my family.
Josh and Kim had requested to be alone as the coffin was lowered into the ground. DeShawn leaned against his car, watching from a distance. Most the guests had left. Mickie, Sadie, Wyatt, Lena and Kim’s parents remained. They didn’t speak. He went to Mickie and pulled her into a hug.
“You’re looking mighty cold, my Mickie.”
She wrapped her arms around him and pressed a cheek to his chest. “I’m from Minnesota. This is shorts and flip-flop weather. I’m glad you were able to be here.”
“It’s crazy. Is Josh okay? I can’t wrap my mind around this.”
“I think so. She was buried next to her murderer. You know? I can’t even... The anger. He was using it, I guess. It kept the grief down. It caught up with him, though. This morning.” She stepped back and glanced over her shoulder at the grave site. When she turned back, the troubled look on her face deepened just a bit.
“What?” he said.
“I asked Tiana about the project.”
“Great! What’d she say?”
“No.”
DeShawn was taken aback for a moment. Despite all the teasing between them, he thought she’d definitely be interested in his idea. Then he noted the look in Mickie’s eyes. That I’m-waiting-for-an-explanation look. “What?”
“Are you scamming for her phone number?”
“What? No! Is that what she thought?”
Mickie glanced over her shoulder again. “What happened at the grocery store?”
Shaking his head, he lifted his hands, palms up. “Nothing. Never mind. Don’t need her.”
Mickie pushed his hands aside. “Actually, it wasn’t a hard no. She said she’d think about it.”
He tilted his head, scrunched up his chin then looked off to the right.
“Here they come,” he said.
Josh and Kim walked back to the small group. Kim went straight into her parents’ arms. Josh held his hand out to DeShawn for a high-five, but DeShawn pulled him in close and held him there instead.
“You okay, brother?” DeShawn asked.
“Yeah,” Josh said. “I am. Feels good to have it done. I feel as if I’ve... I don’t know how to say it.”
DeShawn put his hands on Josh’s shoulders and looked him in the eyes. “You freed her, Josh. She died because she was trying to save you and Kim. She’s free of him now.”
Josh nodded and looked away as he swallowed hard. “You coming to Sadie’s?”
“Yeah, man. I’ll be there.”
“Okay. We’re going to pick up Ian. See you there.”
CHAPTER FOUR (#uc66cf2bf-6b28-507c-bf65-c60739ed611c)
DESHAWN LOUNGED BACK in a chair around the table in the conference room of the Cleaning Crew offices. He’d spent four years of his life working here. He closed his eyes and tried to put himself back in the head of the young man he’d been when he first walked in here, all those years ago. He couldn’t do it. He didn’t fit there anymore.
What those years had been, for him, was work, hard work. He’d caught a little side-eye, at first, from those who couldn’t see a man in that role. Cleaning houses? But he figured out was that there was a world of difference between just doing the job and doing the job right. You did the job if it was a good day or a bad one. If you were sore or under the weather, you pushed that to the other side of your head and kept going. You learned to see more, to notice, to take pride in that wow in the client’s eyes. Yeah. And the friends he’d made here. The family he’d made.
He felt at home. There was no other way to say it, was there? He smiled. He liked that, a lot. At home.
Sadie came in and sat beside him. He smiled at the sight of her huge cup of coffee, steam still rising. Getting between Sadie and her coffee could drop a guy into seriously dire straits.
“I miss seeing you sitting here,” she said.
“It feels strange to be here. Like seeing your bedroom from when you were a kid. It’s perfectly the same, but somehow looks and feels completely different.”
“How are you doing, DeShawn? I know you’re going to say fine, but losing out on your Army commission was a huge blow. Are you really okay?”
“I am,” he said. He slouched back in his chair, looked up and then back at her. “I know I had a vision of myself traveling the world, building things, experiencing life. It was a hard decision to make, but I’m okay. On a different path is all.”
“You can still travel.”
“I know. Stop. Recalibrate. Make a new plan. I’m good. Actually beginning to feel a Divine hand in it. I feel like I’ve come home. Like this is where I belong.”
“Good. We’re your family. You should be with us.”
“My mother called me.”
And, hell. He hadn’t meant to say that. The words just fell out of his mouth without permission. The small part of him that wasn’t stunned into silence by the unexpected announcement was amused by Sadie’s transformation. She went from relaxed and happy to momma grizzly standing over a cub.
“And?” Just one word, but a word crackling and sparking with little pops of not-so-slight hint of am-I-going-to-have-to-kill-someone around the edges.
“And I don’t know. It was completely unexpected. I don’t even know how she got my number.”
“What did she want?”
Tipping the chair back against the wall, he laced his fingers behind his head. “To tell me she’d been clean and sober for three months. Wanted to talk to me.” He shook his head, still not wanting to believe it ever happened.
Sadie put her foot on the cross rung of the chair and sent the chair back to the floor with a jarring thud. “Told you not to do that to my chairs. Clean and sober? Three months. She’s probably doing that AA step where you’re supposed to make amends to those you’ve hurt.”
He stood and pushed the chair slowly back under the table, his fingers gripping the back. “I don’t know how I feel about that.”
Sadie stood and took his hand. “Come on. Let’s go upstairs and talk.”
It was easier here. Sitting on opposite ends of the couch in the apartment Sadie had built above the office. More like he was talking to his sister than his former boss. “If she is trying to stay sober, then I’m glad for her. That’s no way to live,” he said.
“But?”
“But do I have to go back down that road with her? What’s this amends stuff? She reminds me of all the horrible things she did and said? All the times she made Momma G cry? Dragged me out the house to hide me away with her wherever she was living until...until Momma G gave her money. Money for drugs. That’s what Momma G had to give her to get me back.”
He stood and paced around the living room. It was still right there, always just below the surface. That cool exterior was thin, and all it took was the right trigger—a word, a picture in his head, the whiff of something—to snap it and release all that poison. He’d only been hiding it from himself, pretending he was over it when really, he was just ignoring it. He rubbed at his face with shaky hands and tried to slow the pounding of his heart by taking a few deep breaths.
“Then what?” he asked quietly with his back to Sadie. “I say I forgive her? And she walks away feeling happy and free? I don’t want to go back there. Mentally. Emotionally. I walked away from all that.”
He heard Sadie’s footsteps and looked down at his feet. He felt selfish. Petulant. He should be a better person than this. Sadie put her hands on his shoulders.
“No.” The word was spoken firmly. “You do not owe her that. You don’t have to put yourself through that, DeShawn. That is your right. This mess is hers. You don’t have to help her clean it up. Okay?”
He felt the anger drain away. His shoulders relaxed under her hands. “Okay,” he said, turning to face her.
“But,” she said as she looked him in the eyes.
“Of course there’s a but with you.” He tried to make it a joke. Tried to grin. Because he knew what it was and didn’t want to hear it.
“Think about it, DeShawn. Don’t dismiss it automatically. You are obviously still angry and hurt, with good reason, but that means it is still affecting you. I had to forgive my mother so I could let go of all those feelings. I’m not saying that is your answer, but think about it, okay? I love you too much to know you are hurting like this.”
That got a real smile from him. “I’ll think about it, Boss.”
“Promise?”
A clatter arose from the kitchen downstairs. Josh and Mickie were back from picking up Ian. Relief flooded him. He shouldn’t have said anything. Sadie was going to hound him until this issue was resolved. “I promise,” he said. “Let’s go see that kiddo. You have to see Josh if there is any snot on Ian’s face. It’s priceless.”
Sadie scowled. “Ew. Snot? There better not be snot.”
* * *
PEEKING DOWN THE HALL, Tiana felt a sense of walking on eggshells. People were either sitting quietly or doing busywork. No one was acknowledging the truth: there were only two patients in the entire ER. A laceration that needed stitches and a migraine. Even for a Sunday night, this was unprecedented. No one dared to utter a word lest the magical spell be broken and an avalanche of critical patients buried them.
Stepping into Bay Six, Tiana pushed the cart she’d loaded with supplies to the cabinets. Shaking her head impatiently, she began restocking supply drawers. Yeah, it was nice to have a break, but dang! Without the constant flow of adrenaline, her body began to remind her it was two in the morning. Eyelids were heavy. Head all muffled. Thoughts of how much she loved her pillow. It was a great pillow. She missed it right now.
Kasey Rattigan twirled around in the room’s chair, her ponytail swinging from side to side. “Tell me something,” she said.
Kasey was her preceptor in the emergency department. Smart, tough, fearless and in possession of a sense of a wicked and black humor, she and Tiana had bonded over a particularly heinous code brown.
“What?”
“I don’t know. Something interesting.”
Tiana snorted out a laugh. “There is nothing remotely interesting in my life,” she said, stacking packages of sterile gauze. “I work, I sleep, I eat.”
“Let’s take the girls to the Children’s Museum this week.”
Moving on to the cabinets, Tiana checked the supply list. Needs more pulse oximeters. EKG leads. What about this DeShawn thing?
“Earth to Tiana!”
“Hmm?”
Kasey brought the chair to a sudden halt and stood up. “Whoa!” she said, grabbing at the counter. “Dizzy. What’s going on with you?”
“Nothing. I’m trying to memorize what’s in the cabinets.”
“You aren’t memorizing anything at two a.m. Save that for day brain. You keep zoning out. What’s on your mind? I’m your preceptor—you have to tell me.”
Tiana closed the cabinet drawers. Kasey was right. Her brain was passing the information through with zero storage. “It’s not a work thing.”
“Then as your newest best friend, you have to tell me.”
“It’s nothing really. I got this offer to do this...thing.”
Kasey’s eyebrows disappeared into her bangs. “Oh,” she said, each word dripping the sarcasm. “An offer. For a thing. Wow.”
Tiana leaned against the counter and looked around the bay. The more she’d thought about DeShawn’s project, the more she wanted to do it. But it came with DeShawn. And she couldn’t deny that their playful bickering was cover for some real attraction. At least on her part.
Kasey returned to the chair, this time flopping back in it with her arms hanging over the sides and her head lolling on the back. “Tell me,” she whined. “Before I say the b word!”
Tiana laughed but a flash of superstitious fear that jolted through her overruled the laughter. The b word was bored. It was worse than uttering the q word: quiet. To speak either of those words aloud would bring disaster raining down upon any nurse foolish enough to say them. She hooked the rolling stool with a foot, pulled it toward her and sat.
“I got asked to be part of a group to speak at a school. It’s a rural school with disadvantaged students. They are looking for speakers from similar backgrounds who’ve graduated college.”
Kasey sat up straight in the chair. “I didn’t know that was your background.”
“Small town. Crappy school system. Yep. That’s me.”
“So, you’d be perfect for this group. Why the hesitation?”
Making a face, Tiana began to swivel the stool from side to side. “The guy who’s putting it together...”
“Wait.” Kasey pushed off with her feet, sending her chair rolling toward Tiana’s stool. Their knees crashed together. “A guy? Tell me about this guy.”
“Nothing to tell,” Tiana said, even as the heat of her blush stung her cheeks. “I met him last year.”
“If there’s nothing to tell, why are you blushing?”
“It’s really nothing. There’s just this...like...chemistry there.”
“Chemistry? How horrible!” Kasey said, putting her hands to her cheeks.
“It’s not horrible. It’s just not what I need in my life right now.”
“Bullsheeeet.” Kasey sang out. “You could use a man in your life. Break up that work, sleep, eat routine you’ve got going on. Tell me about Mr. Chemistry.”
Tiana stood and walked to the bay door. Glancing down the hall, she saw everyone was still milling around or sitting at the nurses’ station. She pulled sliding glass door of the room almost shut and turned to look at Kasey. “I have to be careful,” she said as she went back to her stool.
“Of what?”
“Lily. I was seventeen when I got pregnant with her. Her dad and I tried to make it work, but we were so young. We wanted different things. He tried at first. But as Lily got older, he came around less and less until he finally just disappeared from our lives. Lily was old enough to know that her daddy left her.”
Kasey’s hands closed around Tiana’s with a gentle squeeze. “So you can’t have men coming and going from her life.”
Feeling her shoulders relax, Tiana nodded. She’d known Kasey would understand. “Exactly. I don’t know how to navigate that minefield.”
“And an explosion could hurt Lily. As your friend, I understand. As your preceptor, I’m going to tell you to seriously think about it though. Management eats that stuff up with a spoon. It would look amazing on your postorientation evaluation that you participated in a project like that. Mr. Chemistry or not.”
“Thanks,” Tiana said, her eyes glazing. “That makes the decision so much more easy.”
“Just do it.” Kasey glanced up at the clock and made a celebratory pumping motion with her first. “Woot! It’s two thirty! Only thirty minutes left on our shift!”
Tiana closed her eyes and silently counted backward. Did Kasey really just jinx it? Every nurse knows that you never, ever...
She was cut off by the sounding of an alarm, the incoming trauma alarm. Jumping to her feet, Tiana headed for the door with Kasey close behind her.
“This is all your fault, you know,” Tiana said as they joined the others in preparing for the ambulance’s arrival.
Kasey said nothing, but from the expression on her face, she didn’t have to.
* * *
“LENA? SADIE’S ACCOUNTANT LENA?” Malik took a step back but his eyes shone with interest. A mixed of fear and admiration ran through those four short words.
DeShawn laughed as they leaned against the side of his car in the parking lot of a strip mall along Savannah Highway, not far from 526. He’d talked to both Henry and Lena about his idea. They’d both been on board. Malik, a former Cleaning Crew member, was now in medical school, was his best friend and first recruit. He could feel a not-so-small sting of disappointment. He hadn’t heard anything from Tiana. “Yeah. She’s driving. Refused to pick us up at the apartment.”
“So this is why I’m standing in the cold on the side of the road, waiting? Instead of being in my warm bed?” Malik asked.
“She’s got a BMW. Unless you want to risk a hundred miles in my death rattle mobile? When it gives out, we could kick our feet through the floorboards and drive it Fred Flintstone style.”
Malik rubbed his hands together. “No, hard pass on that. I’ll take the BMW. Huh. Get a little comparison shopping in for when I’m a rich doctor.”
He closed his eyes, spread his arms wide and tilted his head up toward the sky. “What’s that you say, Mr. Car Dealer Man? Do I want this full custom package in Smoked Topaz or Silverstone? How about one of each, two sets of 444 horses side by side...”
“Uh-huh,” DeShawn said. “Didn’t you say you wanted to be a family practice doctor in an underserved area?”
Malik shook his head, still in his daydream. “You know, at this exact moment in time, I do not recall making that statement.”
“Ha!” DeShawn said. “You’ll see.”
A white BMW pulled into the parking lot and came to a quick stop beside them. The window powered down and Lena Reyes looked at them over the rims of her sunglasses. “Get in. Don’t track dirt.”
“Hi, Lena. Nice to see you again,” DeShawn said with a laugh.
“Get in, it’s cold.”
The window powered back up. DeShawn climbed into the front passenger seat, grinning. Lena liked to play tough but she was a softy when it came to kids. Mention poor kids and she opened her wallet and her heart.
She glanced at Malik as he got in the back seat. “Hi, Malik. Good to see you. How’s school going?”
“Great. Thanks.”
“So, DeShawn,” Lena said as she turned the car back onto Savannah Highway, heading south. “What is your goal, your vision for this project?”
The question startled him. “Uh,” he stammered. When he started thinking about it, he realized that he hadn’t really thought it all the way through. “I thought we could talk to the kids about our experiences. Show them that it can be done. Help them find resources.”
She nodded. “That’s a good start, but I think you’ve got something here that you can turn into a long-term project.”
“How?”
She grinned at him. “That’s for you to figure out. This is your idea, DeShawn. You want to help these kids? They need more than a parade of people lecturing them.”
That’s when the first wave of doubt soaked him. He tried to keep it off of his face, but inside, his mind was checking off all the boxes he hadn’t even noticed were on the list. Lena was right. She had that way of laying truth out flat in front of you. This was going to have to be more. Much more. The idea seemed so good when he was talking with Sadie. Inspire the kids. Point them in the right direction. But Momma G hadn’t just pointed off toward some picturesque horizon and made a nice speech. She’d been there, day after day, doing the hard work. Being a consistent model of goodness in his early, troubled life.
These kids were real people with real problems and real day to day needs. And having hope in the first place was to start hoping and then have it snatched away. To believe that this time, someone was going to actually keep a promise. He’d been there, done that too many times with his own parents. He began to consider the true depth of the waters he was diving into.
This wasn’t a weekend project. This was a commitment.
Malik reached over the seat to clap his hand against DeShawn’s shoulder. “It’ll be fine,” Malik said. “He’s an engineer. Solving problems is what he does.” He looked at DeShawn. “You got this.”
The doubt dialed down a few clicks. It wasn’t that he didn’t have a plan at all. He simply had insufficient data to make a comprehensive one. “We’ll talk to Henry,” he said. “Find out what the needs are and go from there.”
“That’s good,” Lena agreed. “Build the program around the kids. That’s how it should be.”
Charleston stretched out a while longer as they motored down 17 South. There was a long patch of green space, especially around the USDA lab, but really it kept that west of the Ashley vibe all the way up to the intersection of 17 and Main Road, where you could take a left and go high up in the sky on the new bridge over the Stono and get a breathtaking view of Johns Island. That’s usually how DeShawn saw it in the ever shifting map of the greater Charleston area he kept in his head. But they weren’t going to Johns Island today. No Stono Market or Tomato Shed Cafe, sad to say. Nope. Today was all a steady straight drive past the tractor supply places and you-pick berry farms that meant you were easing through Ravenel.
Lena put the pedal down as the road opened up and there was nothing but trees whizzing by on both sides, the car riding as smooth as silk. It was peaceful. He even let himself close his eyes for a while, just breathe the clean air and feel...good.
Don’t overthink it, he thought. Just go with it. Like she said. Build the program. Let it go the way it wants to go. What the kids need.
After some time of just watching the trees, he heard Malik muttering, “Gonna change to surgery. Get me one of these.”
DeShawn laughed, then cautioned Lena as they crossed the Edisto River that it was wise to tap the brakes a few times before entering historic Jacksonboro. That was a stretch of road where the constabulary liked to keep an eye and Radar out for southbound motorists in a little too much of a hurry to get to Beaufort or Savannah.
“Hm,” she said, slowing down. She looked around. “We’re good on gas. Do either of you need to stop for anything? Last civilization for a few miles at least.” She nodded toward the gas station at the fork where you could either cut north up into Walterboro or keep south along the ACE Basin Parkway.
“I’m good,” DeShawn said.
“Good,” Malik said.
They kept south.
“Do you know where this place is?” DeShawn asked. Once you were in the ACE Basin, the world just opened up, bursting with blue skies above, lush green all around, vast tea-brown waters snaking beneath the bridges. It was beautiful. An almost pristine estuary, one of the largest on the Eastern seaboard, pretty much undeveloped save for the highway they were traveling down.
“Nope,” Lena said with a wave of her hand. “Following GPS.”
About a dozen miles from I-95, DeShawn pointed up ahead to a dark, dragonesque shape in the marsh grass. “Is that a gator?” he asked.
“In February?” Lena said. “I don’t think so.”
“South Carolina Lizard Man, more likely,” Malik said.
“What?” DeShawn and Lena asked in unison.
It turned out to be a long curl of thrown-off truck tire, twisted up like a burnt cruller.
“You two hush up with your horror movie stuff,” Lena said. “I’m driving here.”
DeShawn looked back. “That’s a really big tire, though. That can’t have been good, when that thing blew.”
“Lizard Man’s a real thing,” Malik said. Lena’s eyes caught him in the rearview mirror. He shrugged. “Seriously. He lurks around in the swamps and tidal creeks, occasionally stumbles upon family picnics and hilarity ensues. What? You guys never saw that TV ad?”
Lena smirked. “Lurks,” she said, tasting the word. “Sounds like one of the charmers my family tried to hook me up with last year.”
DeShawn looked out the window and whistled. Lena laughed. “Relax,” she said. “It’s not far now.”
And she was right. They kept motoring down the big roads for a while longer, then took an exit to a smaller road, then turned off again. Farm houses with single grain silos, sun-faded barns. Another turn, this time onto a bumpy winding road where they drove past small houses ringed by clusters of mobile homes. Finally, they found themselves on a small-town main street. It was almost as if it was secreted away in the green, one of those Southern towns that had once been part of something—farming, textiles, trade—but were left behind and forgotten about in the wake of the great global industrial machine. Lena pulled into a small lot next to a neat red brick building, with only the words County School above the door.
“This is where Henry arranged for the meeting,” Lena said as they got out of the car. The lawn was brown and patchy beneath their feet in the relative cold of the South Carolina winter. DeShawn noticed that the paint was peeling and cracked. As they made their way inside, he had a strange feeling of déjà vu. The floor was clean but old. The ceiling tiles were sagging in places. The desks in the classrooms they passed looked like they were left over from the sixties.
He shook his head. “Damn.”
“I know, right?” Malik said. “You’d think they’d have fixed this by now.”
“Reminds me of my elementary school,” Lena said.
“Me too,” DeShawn echoed.
Lena stopped in the doorway to the library. She looked in and he saw her shoulders slump. “When I got to high school,” she said slowly, “we were in a better school district. It was such a shock. They had computers and books in the library. I mean, you know that schools aren’t going to be exactly equal, but...until you see it, until you really see it, you don’t understand. You don’t get how wide that gap really is.”
When she stepped back, he leaned in through the door. The library was no bigger than a classroom. Many of the shelves were empty. It was dim, sad, smelling faintly of mildew and old paper.
“Yeah,” DeShawn said. “I was in the top in my high school class but still barely scored well enough on my SATs to get into college. Had to do the first two years at a community college to get caught up.”
The look on her face made him take a step back. He knew her well enough to know she was a powerfully determined woman. What Lena wanted, Lena got. She looked at them. “This is bullshit,” she said in a voice much quieter than the anger in her eyes. “Let’s try to fix something here.”
“Damn straight,” he said.
“Hey!” a voice called out. “I’m down here.”
A man stood in the hall outside a classroom. “Henry Gardner,” he introduced himself as he shook Lena’s hand.
“I remember you, Henry,” Lena said with a smile.
“And I you. Your visits to the Cleaning Crew office were a source of awe and fear.”
Her mouth fell open and the three men laughed. “What? Why?”
“Ahem. Well, you do have a certain sense of...determination about you,” Malik said diplomatically.
“Come on,” Henry said with a motion toward the door. “Let’s sit down.”
As they pulled chairs into a small circle, Henry looked at Lena. “I’m surprised to see you here, Lena. Are you funding this?”
She shot him a look. Quizzical with a touch of do-you-want-to-die. “I grew up in a trailer park. I am one of your students.”
“Perfect,” Henry said smoothly. “We have a good percentage of Hispanic students so your input would be more than welcome.” He looked at DeShawn. “What’s the plan?”
“The plan is to try to provide what you need,” DeShawn replied. “What do the kids need? Besides role models?”
Henry’s laugh echoed around the small empty classroom. “Need? Books. Computers. Internet access.”
“Wait,” Lena said. “The school doesn’t have internet?”
Henry shook his head. “The public library does, usually. It’s slow, but it’s there. Most of my kids don’t have it at home at all.”
DeShawn looked at Malik and shook his head. Same old story. Different generation. “I’d guess that the best way to start would be getting the kids’ trust,” he said. “I’m trying to recruit more people. We could start with a series of class visits for people to tell their stories.”
“Definitely,” Henry said. “I can tell them they can do it all day long, but in the end, I’m just a white guy from suburbia. They like me, but they don’t identify with me. They need to hear it from people who’ve lived it.”
“We can help you with that,” Malik said with a grin.
They spent the next hour learning about the kids. As they spoke, DeShawn began to get a better idea of just how large the need was out here in the rural, almost forgotten places. The kids needed more than role models. They needed mentors. They needed to see the world outside this crossroads town.
CHAPTER FIVE (#uc66cf2bf-6b28-507c-bf65-c60739ed611c)
SOMETIME DURING THE NIGHT, Lily had crept into bed with her. Tiana rolled over and pulled Lily close to her, snuggling down into the warm blankets. This was heaven, right here. A lazy, easy Sunday morning. Nowhere to be, no work, no school, no lunches to be packed. Maybe she would make bacon and French toast later. She was drifting into a light doze when there was a single sharp rap on the door. Groaning, Tiana opened her eyes. She knew that knock. It was her mother’s patented get-your-ass-out-of-bed knock.
“Is Lily with you?”
“Yes, Mom,” Tiana replied. She pulled an arm out from beneath the covers to grab her phone. Eight in the morning? Woman’s gone crazy.
“Well, get up. I’ll get breakfast going. Don’t want to be late.”
Lily stirred beside her. Tiana sat up, shivering in the cool air, her skin missing the heat of the blankets. “Late for what?”
“Church.”
Church? What church? Tiana hadn’t even started looking for a home church yet. Flopping back on the pillows, she sighed. No use to argue. She’d not won an argument with her mother ever in her entire life.
“What’s wrong, Momma?” Lily asked.
“Nothing. We need to get up. Granny wants to go to church.”
“She doesn’t like to be called Granny.”
“I know.”
“You don’t like church?”
“I like church just fine. I don’t like to get out of bed when it’s cold.”
“Me either. Maybe we can have church under the covers.”
Lily squirmed down under the blanket. Laughing, Tiana pulled the covers over her head and scooted down. “Now what?” she asked.
Lily put her hands together in prayer and Tiana copied her. “Dear Jesus,” Lily said in her clear, sweet voice. “Thank you for saving us. We really appreciate it. But it’s cold so Mommy and I are going to stay in bed if that’s okay. Amen.”
“Amen,” Tiana echoed. She smiled at her daughter. How’d she gotten such an amazing child, she didn’t know. Funny, smart, sassy.
Lily grinned back, a gap-toothed grin. She was so innocent it made Tiana’s heart hurt a little to know it wouldn’t last. The door to the room opened. Lily put a finger against her lips.
“What are you two up to under there?” Vivian asked.
“We went to church under the covers,” Lily said.
There was a moment of silence. Then a huff of irritation. “Both of you get up. I need someone to stir those grits while I tend to the bacon.”
“Bacon!” Lily cried and scrambled out of the bed.
“Fine. Leave me all alone,” Tiana called after her.
“But, Momma! Bacon!”
“That’s all right, Lily,” Vivian said. “She’ll get up once she starts smelling it. No one can stay in bed when there’s bacon sizzling.”
They left the room but didn’t close the door. Tiana pulled the covers away from her face. She had to get her mother to go back home. Somehow. She loved her mother and was grateful for all she’d done to help with Lily over the years. But it was time for her and Lily to have a little breathing room. And for her to sleep in when she wanted to.
Grabbing her thick robe, Tiana shrugged into it while crossing the room. In the kitchen, Lily was standing on a step stool, studiously stirring a pot of grits. A large pot of grits in the morning meant shrimp and grits later on. That was Mom’s way. She knew how to plan out her meals and to use all that she cooked. As she poured coffee, Tiana laughed.
“What’s so funny over there?” Vivian asked, moving bacon around with a fork.
“Nothing,” she replied as she stirred sugar and creamer into the coffee cup. “I remembered how shocked I was the first time I saw bacon in the college cafeteria. They cooked the whole strip.”
Her mother had her own style. She’d chop the rasher of bacon into three sections, dump the entire pile into her frying pan and just keep stirring until it was done. “Huh,” Vivian said with a slight snort. “That’s fine. If you got all day.”
Tiana went to the stove to check the heat under the grits. The burner was off and the pot was barely bubbling. They looked done to her, so she guessed Lily’s stirring was just to give her something to do. “Be careful with those grits, Lily. They are very hot.”
“I’m being careful, Mommy.”
“What church are we going to today?”
Vivian had been visiting churches every Sunday to find a good fit. This was the first Sunday Tiana either had off or hadn’t worked a late shift since before they’d moved in. It was on her list of things to do, just not quite as close to the top as her mother’s list.
“Emanuel.”
“The one downtown?”
“Yes.” Viv turned to look at her. “Why?”
Tiana looked at Lily, then back at her mother, eyebrows raised. The look she got back was pure steel. “No one’s going to say things in front of the children.”
“Say what?” Lily asked.
“Nothing, sweet girl,” Vivian cooed. “Keep stirring those grits. Your momma needs to drink her coffee and get in the shower.”
* * *
AFTER CHURCH, THEY walked the few blocks along Calhoun Street to have brunch at Saffron Restaurant Bakery. A nice cup of coffee and a trip through their divine brunch buffet was worth the early wake-up time.
“Can we go to the aquarium too?” Lily asked.
As they walked to the South Carolina Aquarium, Tiana wished once again that she could live downtown. It was such a walkable town, so utterly charming in its own way, but the real estate market was unreal. Once, while dining at Jestine’s Kitchen, she’d overheard someone quip that prices in the Historic District were on par with Manhattan. She didn’t doubt it. All those magazines talking Charleston up as the best travel destination in the country, as the best wedding destination, the most polite city... Well, maybe Charleston was polite when an elderly gentleman walking the family poodle tipped his hat to you on Chalmers Street, but it was considerably less polite on 526 during rush hour bumper to bumper traffic.
She smiled, shook her head. This place. What a beautiful mess of contradiction.
The day was perfect. Cool but sunny. The wind coming off of Charleston Harbor was redolent with the unique scent the locals called pluff mud. Thickly pungent, strong enough to tickle the insides of your nose. To a Charlestonian, it was a sweet perfume. But then, Charlestonians also thought that the tip of the peninsula was where the Ashley and Cooper Rivers merged to form the Atlantic Ocean, so there’s that. To Tiana it smelled like... Hmm. Funky oysters?
They made their way to the South Carolina Aquarium, which was one of Lily’s favorite things about her new hometown. From the giant shark tank to the smaller exhibits, Lily loved it all, everything in an around there. After her first visit to the aquarium, she’d decided she wanted to be a fish doctor when she grew up. As Lily skipped ahead of them, Tiana linked her arm with her mother’s.
“Any thoughts on going back home?”
Vivian swiveled her head and raised her eyebrows. “Are you trying to get rid of me?”
Yes. “No. I’m just starting to feel selfish, keeping you here so long.”
“You aren’t ready for me to leave yet.”
“We’ll be fine, Mom.”
“Who’s going to watch Lily when you work late? How are you going to get her to school when you have to be at work before her school even opens?”
Tiana watched as Lily leaned in to get almost nose to nose with one of the smaller sharks in the big tank. That was a problem. Her work schedule wasn’t compatible with school hours. “I’m working on that. A few of the other nurses have kids in the same school. They take turns getting the kids to school and watching them after.”
“So you’re going to let total strangers watch after your baby?”
“They aren’t total strangers, Mom. I work with them. And speaking of total strangers, what about all the kids you normally watch? Who’s taking care of them now?”
“They’re all in school now. I haven’t had little ones since Lily.”
Tiana’s heart sunk. There went her main leverage to get her mother moving. Her only hope was if one of her sisters got pregnant. That would be perfect. She considered just flat out lying and saying one of them was trying. But the retribution she’d get for that would make trying to get her mother to go home look like a day at the beach.
Vivian pulled her arm away and stopped walking. She turned to look Tiana in the eye. “Do you want me to leave?”
“I don’t want you to feel like you have to stay.”
“That’s not what I asked.”
Glancing at the shark tank, Tiana noted Lily was in deep conversation with a little boy about her age. They were pointing at various fish and nodding with great seriousness. She must have found another future fish doctor. “Let’s sit down,” she said, gesturing at the row of benches.
“I don’t want you to leave,” she said, feeling her way slowly along the words. “It’s just that Lily is so used to being with you, which isn’t your fault, it was my choice...”
“And she sees me more as a mother figure than you,” Viv finished.
Blinking against the sudden sting of tears, Tiana nodded. “I feel selfish about it, but yeah. She calls me Mom, but she still goes to you for everything. She bumps her knee, she goes to you. She wants a snack, she goes to you.”
“When she wanted a cuddle this morning, she went to you.”
Tiana dropped her head and stared at the floor. “Yeah. I guess. But that was for fun times. If she’s scared or hurt, she goes to you.”
“Don’t feel selfish. It’s normal. We both know it’s going to take some time. She knows you are her mother. She’s just used to coming to me.”
“Because I wasn’t there.”
She couldn’t look at her mother as she spoke the words. Instead she watched Lily, who was slowly pacing along the edge of the tank.
“I’m not fighting this same old battle with you, Tiana. If you want to beat yourself up about it, go ahead. You had a hard choice to make. It was a huge risk. You took it. Yes, you lost some of Lily’s childhood while you were gone. But you gave her a future.”
Vivian walked to Lily as Tiana leaned forward, staring at the floor and feeling pretty much like a six-year-old herself. Pouty and petulant. She hated it. Hated feeling at odds with her mother. But there it was. She was jealous. Of her own mother. She looked up as Lily scampered back with Vivian trailing behind.
“Did you have fun looking at the pretty fish?” Tiana asked.
“Yes. There’s a pink one today,” Lily answered.
“Pretty. I wonder if we could find you a pink fish for your pet.”
Lily’s eyebrows came together in an all too familiar frown. “I want a kitten.”
Tiana sighed. Mission not accomplished.
“Ready to go, darling?”
“Yes.” Lily looked up at her grandmother. “Can we get ice cream on the way home?”
Vivian lifted a hand to point at Tiana. “Ask your mother.”
Tiana tilted her head up to catch her mother’s gaze. Dipping her head in a quick nod, she stood. “We can go get some sorbetto, that’s better than ice cream,” she said, taking Lily’s hand in hers. As they made their way out of the building, Tiana hooked an arm around her mother’s waist for a quick squeeze.
“It’ll be all right,” Vivian said.
That made her smile. That was her mother’s answer to everything. A broken nail. A bad grade. A dead car battery. A flat tire at midnight in the middle of nowhere. Tornado. Hurricane. Exploding septic tanks. It’ll be all right. And it usually was. Except the exploding septic tank. That hadn’t been all right at all.
* * *
DESHAWN HAD SPENT most of Monday morning out at the former Charleston Naval Base, which was now being repurposed into private and industrial usage. The building of a railway extension to serve a shipping container facility included moving two major highway intersections. And moving two intersections meant a lot of data gathering. Even the best coat and hat couldn’t protect against the winter cold seeping in after several hours outside.
He was more than happy to return to his desk at the headquarters and, once he thawed out his fingers, upload all the information into the computer, where he could prepare it for presentation.
“What’s the grin for?” his office mate asked as he returned from lunch.
DeShawn shook his head. He hadn’t realized he was smiling. “Just happy to be out of the cold,” he said.
That was only part of the truth. He couldn’t believe he’d done it. Sometimes, he’d stop and look around, completely stunned that this was his life now. He had his degree. He had an awesome job. He loved the orderliness of it. Data. You gathered it. You put it together, you applied it to your project. Adjust as necessary. Simple. Factual. Same with the rest of his life. Simple. Orderly. No crazy family creating drama. Tiana’s face flashed in his mind’s eye and he felt a little tug of disappointment. He really wanted her involved in his project. He’d have to figure out a way to change her mind. How, he had no clue.
“I wouldn’t complain. Wait until July and August.”
“Not complaining. Not at all.”
He returned to the task at hand. He wouldn’t complain about surveying in the heat of the summer either. Well, not too much. His cell phone buzzed from inside the top desk drawer where he’d stashed it. Pulling it out, he saw an unknown number. The happy feeling he’d been riding fell away. He swiped left on the screen to reject the call. That was the past. Momma G had made him swear to finish his degree and he had. He’d busted his ass to get out of there and now that she was gone, he had no reason to ever go back. They could call a billion times and he wasn’t going to answer. Drawing in and letting out a long, slow breath, he refocused on the job in front of him.
Later though, as he sat in traffic on the commute home, a thought exploded in his mind. What if it had been Tiana? Mickie had said she was thinking about the school project. Curiosity piqued, he reached for his phone at the next red light. Thumbed through to listen to the voice mail. It was a woman, but it wasn’t Tiana.
“Hi, DeShawn. My name is Gretchen and I am your mother’s sponsor in Narcotics Anonymous...”
He hit Delete before he could hear any more. Damn it. Now she’s giving out my name and number to other druggies? Slamming his hand against the steering wheel only fueled the frustration and anger. Why can’t they leave me alone? As traffic started moving, he merged into the right lane with a halfhearted wave in apology to the person he’d sort of cut off. Pulling into a parking spot in a strip mall, he put the car into Park and wiped at his face with both hands.
Maybe if he just talked to them. If he told them to go away, would they? He could be the bad guy. In fact, he’d willingly be the bad guy if it meant he was finally done with them. Staring without seeing out into the passing traffic, he became acutely aware of the anger that was coursing through his body. All the happiness and satisfaction with himself and his life were gone. Wiped away by a single phone call. He had to deal with this.
He needed to talk to Sadie. Now. Before this got out of hand. Looking around, he got his bearings. He’d driven all over the Charleston area in his four years as a member of the Cleaning Crew. Drop him anywhere and he could be back at the Crew office in less than fifteen minutes. Well, in this traffic, maybe thirty.
It was twenty. He glanced at his watch. As he pulled around to the parking lot on the side of the house, his stomach dropped. Sadie’s car wasn’t there. Now what? Go to the gym and run until you’re too tired to think about this anymore? A movement at the back door caught his attention. Molly. She locked the door behind her and turned to peer at his car over the tops of her glasses. He rolled down the window.
“DeShawn!” she called out in delight as she crossed the small lot to greet him.
He climbed out of the car to give her a hug. Just seeing her face made him feel better. If Sadie was a big sister figure to him, then Molly was certainly his substitute grandmother. Short, round, white hair, constantly reading romance novels at her desk, but she missed nothing. She could go from sweet grandmotherly love to drill sergeant tough in a heartbeat.
“I was looking for Sadie,” he said as he stepped back.
“Oh, it’s PTA night,” Molly said with a self-satisfied grin.
“PTA?” Parent-teacher thing?
“Exactly,” Molly said with a knowing smile, “Parent-Teacher Association. She’s at the elementary school with Wyatt and his daughter.”
He stared openmouthed at her. Sadie? At an elementary school meeting? “I... I,” he stuttered. He shook his head. “I can’t even process that information.”
Molly laughed. “It’s mind-boggling. What did you need, honey?”
It came back to him, cutting short the humor. “Nothing really. To talk.”
He felt her gaze on him but couldn’t quite meet it. She had a way of knowing things. “Well,” she said. “I was going to hop on the bus, but if you aren’t hurrying off anywhere, would you give an old lady a ride home?”
“Of course,” he said. Why hadn’t he known Molly rode the bus to work? He felt a little ashamed of himself. He and the guys should have been giving her rides home every day.
“Thank you. And I put a nice pot roast in the slow cooker this morning. If you’d like, there’s plenty for two.”
He followed her directions into the cozy Byrnes Down neighborhood. “I wouldn’t want to impose.”
“Same pot roast I made for First Friday dinners.”
That made him smile. On the first Friday of the month, Sadie and Molly would cook up a huge dinner for all the Crew members. It was family time.
“I’m also a fairly good listener,” Molly added.
“Okay. I can’t pass up your pot roast.”
“Good, you’re looking a bit skinny.”
At the front door, Molly turned to him. “Mind your step. Wee furry ones everywhere.”
“What?”
As he followed her into the tidy cottage-sized house, he was surrounded by tiny mewling kittens. One, two, three, four... “Molly? Are you a crazy cat lady?”
Ten. There were ten of them. And one grown-up cat slinking along a wall.
“Heavens, no! I’m a foster home for pregnant mommy cats. They stay with me until they have their babies and then go out for adoption when the kittens are old enough. I usually only do one litter at a time, but there was an emergency placement and I ended up with two momma cats and all their kittens.”
A tugging on his pant legs made him look down. Three of the tiny beasts were climbing him like a tree. As he bent to pick them off, two more started up his other leg. “I’m under attack!”
Molly’s laugh rang out and with a tug at his heart he realized how much he’d missed her. She was basically a white version of Momma G. “Let me get some cat food. They’ll leave you alone then.”
He followed her into the kitchen and sat at the small dining table while she attended to the cats. He’d never seen so many kittens in one place before. The mewling rose in pitch as the food was being prepared then complete chaos as they fought for a spot on the platters.
Molly sat beside him once she was finished. “Want one?”
“No. Absolutely not.”
“They’ll be ready for adoption in a month or so.”
“I’m not a cat person.”
“Everyone is a cat person. You just have to meet the right cat.”
Nope. If he was going to get a pet, it’d be a big dog. “I’m concentrating on taking care of myself right now. Not sure I’m ready to be responsible for another life.”
Molly patted his hand and stood. “Let’s get that roast served up. I’m starving.”
Over dinner, she asked about his new job, his apartment, his love life, his health. Basically every exact same thing his grandmother would interrogate him about. He found himself relaxing into the comfort of it. After leaving the Crew, he felt he’d lost his family. But they were still family at heart.
“I’ll get these,” he said as Molly reached for his empty plate. As he cleared the table, Molly began to fill the sink with water. He paused. “Do you not use the dishwasher?”
“It’s broken. Makes a horrible racket when I turn it on. I just haven’t called anyone to come look at it yet.”
“Sounds like something stuck in the drain. Want me to take a look?”
“Would you?”
“Of course.”
Ten minutes later, he was disassembling the drain trap with two kittens inside the dishwasher with him, several more sitting on the open door and one perched on his shoulder. “Dude,” he said to the gray kitten sitting on his shoulder. “You really aren’t helping.”
“Cats are natural supervisors,” Molly said.
He looked at the kitten and it looked back at him with mint-green eyes. “Is that what you’re doing?”
He got a tiny little mew and it made him laugh.
“You were looking for Sadie,” Molly said. “Is something wrong? Could you talk to me?”
For a moment, he felt off-balance. He’d forgotten all about his mother and her mess. He turned his attention back to the dishwasher. “You know about my parents, right?”
“I know your grandmother raised you.”
He nodded, carefully placing the screws out of kitten reach on the counter above him. “Yeah, my parents were addicts. Back and forth with sobriety for years, but when I was about six months old, it got really bad and my grandmother took me away from them.”
“One of them come back?”
It was said with such a knowing, yet compassionate, tone that he looked up at her. “Yeah. My mother.”
Molly nodded. “Time for amends?”
He shrugged and pulled loose the drain trap. “Here’s your problem,” he said as he held out a small chunk of plastic. He put it on the counter above him and scooped up the screws. “I guess that’s what she wants. She gave my name and phone number to some lady who says she’s her sponsor. I’m guessing she called to say I should let my mother to talk to me. I just don’t know.”
There was a long silence as he put the drain trap back together. As he was removing kittens from the inside, Molly stood from where she’d been sitting at the dining room table. “Come sit in the living room with me.”
After disposing of the bit of plastic and washing his hands, he settled down on the opposite end of the sofa from Molly. She turned toward him with her hands clasped. “My former husband was an alcoholic.”
He blinked. He’d thought she was a widow. “Oh,” he said slowly.
“He would get sober for a year, slip up, drink for a year or two. It was a never-ending cycle. After about twenty years, we separated. I couldn’t do it anymore. It’s a horrible disease but you can’t help someone who doesn’t want help.”
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