Marry Me: The Proposal Plan / Single Dad, Nurse Bride / Millionaire in Command
Lynne Marshall
Catherine Mann
Charlotte Phillips
Once upon a proposal…The Proposal PlanIf Lucy Telford’s boyfriend won’t get down on one knee, she’ll have to ask him! She just needs a few tips from women-magnet – and childhood crush – Gabriel Blake. But Lucy’s perfect plan goes awry when she wonders if she’s asking the right man to say ‘I do’…Single Dad, Nurse BrideDangerously handsome Dane Hendricks certainly isn’t Nurse Rikki Johansen’s usual type. Yet he is adamant about taking her on a date. Will Rikki find herself falling head over heels for single dad Dane – and his adorable twin girls?Millionaire in Command Even the most dangerous of missions didn’t prepare Kyle Landis for becoming a dad. When he discovers that Phoebe Slater is caring for his child, marriage is the only course of action for Kyle. But will Phoebe be enlisting as his wife?
Perfect Proposals Marry Me
The Proposal Plan
Charlotte Phillips
Single Dad, Nurse Bride
Lynne Marshall
Millionaire in Command
Catherine Mann
www.millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk)
Contents
Cover (#u8f37d44e-6eab-5b8c-bf67-25279bee48a1)
Title Page (#ud1d2a170-7966-5419-a285-97350d4e791b)
The Proposal Plan (#u97d1c4ea-ea2b-5915-b1df-590c92c1fe05)
Excerpt (#u3f4c6113-32e3-5edc-84f9-64b0403b0bea)
About Charlotte Phillips (#uef7c9b84-94e8-5eea-b6bf-a3e8ef8c4a8a)
Dedication (#u4c49cc44-2886-56eb-b7ce-3addc86db8c7)
CHAPTER ONE (#udf7e6595-55a2-57da-b049-3e1069ef4696)
CHAPTER TWO (#ucd54bcd9-394f-589b-bdb6-a52e246a04f8)
CHAPTER THREE (#u9abb0a0e-8813-59c5-a288-2a1d2e37fd72)
CHAPTER FOUR (#ubb10e315-4dc1-5c0e-9206-f817f96f448f)
CHAPTER FIVE (#u06e4421c-3a34-55dd-92f1-5c12e0e4c7e9)
CHAPTER SIX (#ufe8532d8-71f3-5967-ac83-1f565f54a908)
CHAPTER SEVEN (#u777d5b80-4325-528f-9c2c-6072137f2306)
CHAPTER EIGHT (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER NINE (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER TEN (#litres_trial_promo)
Single Dad, Nurse Bride (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER ONE (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER TWO (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER THREE (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER FOUR (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER FIVE (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER SIX (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER SEVEN (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER EIGHT (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER NINE (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER TEN (#litres_trial_promo)
EPILOGUE (#litres_trial_promo)
Millionaire in Command (#litres_trial_promo)
Excerpt (#litres_trial_promo)
Dear Reader (#litres_trial_promo)
About the Author (#litres_trial_promo)
Dedication (#litres_trial_promo)
One (#litres_trial_promo)
Two (#litres_trial_promo)
Three (#litres_trial_promo)
Four (#litres_trial_promo)
Five (#litres_trial_promo)
Six (#litres_trial_promo)
Seven (#litres_trial_promo)
Eight (#litres_trial_promo)
Nine (#litres_trial_promo)
Ten (#litres_trial_promo)
Eleven (#litres_trial_promo)
Epilogue (#litres_trial_promo)
Copyright (#litres_trial_promo)
The Proposal Plan (#ulink_53530892-468d-58df-97f0-0287489978d2)
‘I’ve had it up to here!’ She indicated a level somewhere above her head. ‘I obviously attract commitment-phobic men. And that’s why I’ve come to get your help.’
He stopped in his tracks, halfway to the door, and looked back at her dubiously. ‘What do you mean, my help? What can I do?’
‘You have loads of girlfriends, right? And you’re the most commitment-shy person I know.’
‘Well, yes… I mean no.’ He tried to work out if there was a compliment or an insult in there and decided there was probably both. ‘How is this relevant?’
‘I’ve decided to take matters into my own hands,’ she said firmly. ‘There’s no point hanging around waiting for Ed to get his act together. You can advise me on all this kind of thing.’
He raised his eyebrows at her quizzically.
‘Where I’m going wrong, of course. Why he isn’t falling over himself to get a ring on my finger.’ She warmed to her subject. ‘You must have a wealth of experience just waiting to be tapped. You can show me how to be totally irresistible to him.’
He thought for a moment she might actually be going mad. Hangover forgotten, he barged into the kitchen behind her. She’d had some crazy ideas in her time, but this…
‘No. Absolutely no way.’
About Charlotte Phillips (#ulink_5bb3dbb2-477e-566e-a4c1-47dec52206db)
CHARLOTTE PHILLIPS has been reading romantic fiction since her teens, and she adores upbeat stories with happy endings. Writing them for Mills & Boon
is her dream job.
She combines writing with looking after her fabulous husband, two teenagers, a four-year-old and a dachshund. When something has to give, it’s usually housework.
She lives in Wiltshire.
This book is for Nick, who made me finish it.
With all my love always.
CHAPTER ONE (#ulink_53dc9bc5-c0f5-5b08-a43d-d6e9cb4d7496)
‘WILL YOU…?’
Lucy Telford leaned forward expectantly, mouth slightly open, sea-green eyes wide. So certain was she of how this sentence would end that for a moment she actually thought she’d heard the words ‘marry me’. But by the time her brain caught up and performed a reality check, Ed had moved on to describing the cottage for sale on the outskirts of Bath—on which he hoped she would supply the deposit. And it dawned on her to her utter disbelief: it had happened again.
She drove grimly through the quiet streets of the city early the following morning. Apparently the strength of cliché and female experience on her side meant nothing in the face of the male inability to take a hint. It was Valentine’s Day, check. She was out with her boyfriend of two years, relationship good, check. He’d booked her favourite restaurant, bought her favourite flowers and told her he had something special to ask her that evening. Check, check, check. What girl wouldn’t have expected a marriage proposal given a situation like that? Add in the heavy hints she’d been dropping for at least the last six months. Surely the odds were somewhere approaching dead cert?
She tightened her grip on the steering wheel, her face set, her dark curls even more defiantly springy than usual, reflecting the way she felt. The rest of the evening had passed in an angry red blur. The night hadn’t been much better. She’d tossed and turned, alternately hot and throwing the covers off, then freezing cold. Then somewhere around two a solution of sorts had come to her. A way of taking control.
She pulled the car into a roadside space in one of Bath’s lovely streets, the golden stone of the Georgian terrace picked out by the winter sunshine. It was a perfect February morning, icy cold but bright. Running her own bakery business had made her accustomed to extremely early starts and she adored the way the city looked when it was still half asleep. It did nothing to distract her today.
Killing the engine, she stalked, as well as she could in trainers, across the pavement and up the stone steps to the three-storey town house of the one person she could moan at unreservedly. The one person who would let her vent her anger, calm her down and give her an objective opinion on what she should do. Childhood friend, adult protector, confidant and big-brother figure, Gabriel Blake was about to kiss his Sunday morning lie-in goodbye.
Gabriel tried mashing one of the pillows over his head and holding it against both ears but the ringing simply faded to a more annoying level. Opening one eye to glance at the bedside clock, he groaned. Seven-thirty. He only knew one person who got up this early on a Sunday. The ringing continued and he eventually crawled from the bed and staggered half asleep down the stairs, gripping the banister for support. His thick dark hair stood up in crazy sleep spikes and a shadow of stubble defined his strong jaw. He rubbed at his scratchy eyes. By now she had obviously tired of intermittent ringing and was simply keeping the button depressed, resulting in a constant noise that challenged his impending hangover like an ice pick.
He opened the door a crack and, closing his aching eyes against the morning sun, he snarled through the gap. ‘Lucy, it’s seven-thirty on a Sunday morning. What the hell do you think you’re doing?’
‘You’ve got your eyes shut. How did you know it was me?’
‘Nobody else I know would dare disturb me at this time of the morning.’ He opened one eye and squinted at her. ‘Especially on a Sunday.’
She made a move to lean around the front door and see past him into the house, glancing indifferently as she did so at his toned torso and the muscular broad shoulders that were set off by the remains of a tan from his last trip abroad. She’d stayed with him in this house for a while a year or so ago and as a result she had developed a unique immunity to the fact that with no shirt on he looked like a god. Unlike the rest of the female race, to her he just looked like Gabriel. Best friend of some twenty-three years. No romantic attraction involved.
‘Is there someone with you?’ she asked him bossily. ‘Because if there is, get rid of them. This is an emergency.’
He ran a hand through his hair, mussing it more than ever, and tried to think straight. ‘There’s no one here—it’s just me. What do you mean an emergency? Are you OK?’
‘I can’t discuss it on the doorstep. Let me in!’
He leaned wearily back against the wall and she lost no time in pushing past him like a tornado into the hall. He looked longingly back up the curving stairway in the direction of his bedroom and waved a mental white flag. Now he’d let her in the house there was no way sleep was going to be on the cards. He closed the front door and followed her resignedly to the kitchen to put coffee on.
She turned as he entered the room and he felt a fresh stab of exasperation as he noticed for the first time she was wearing jogging gear. Three-quarter-length running shorts hugged her lean frame, giving away for once the fact that she was fit and toned. She was so tiny that ordinary loose clothes gave her the impression of fragility. Ironic, he sometimes thought, that someone whose life revolved around cake should be so slender. Her dark curls were caught up in a band, but tendrils escaped as usual around her face. The clothes could only mean one thing. She intended to persuade him to go running with her when he still had at least three hours’ sleep to catch up on.
On the brink of losing his already frayed temper, he saw just in the nick of time the dark smudges under her green eyes, starkly contrasting with the creamy complexion, and the troubled expression on her face. Unable to feel anything but protective towards her when she was unhappy ever since she was six years old and he was eight, he abandoned his mission to fill the kettle and gave her a hug instead. He couldn’t help noticing the stiffness in the muscles of her shoulders even through her clothes, and her hands against his bare skin as they slid around his waist were cold enough to make him jump. Everything about her exuded tension.
‘What’s up?’ He spoke gently over her head, which nestled perfectly just under his chin, coils of her caught-up hair brushing his jaw lightly. Her hair had a lovely lemony scent, making him dimly aware that he could do with a shower. She didn’t seem to notice, though, as she made no move to pull away from his chest, and she would normally be the first person to point out if he smelled of last night’s curry. ‘Tell me it’s something serious to justify waking me up before eleven on a Sunday.’
She looked up at him in obvious anguish.
‘Oh, God, it’s not one of your parents, is it? Are they ill?’
Now she pulled back to arm’s length, an expression of incredulity on her face. ‘Something happening to either of my nightmare parents doesn’t come very high on the serious metre—you of all people should know that.’
‘OK, then,’ he conceded. ‘It obviously isn’t to do with your wonderful parents.’ He ignored Lucy as she made a face. ‘But I’m not up to playing guessing games. Come and sit down and tell me what’s up.’
Abandoning the coffee, he pulled her by the hand into the sitting room, shoved aside a pile of newspapers and dragged her down next to him on one of the squashy white sofas. She gazed down at her tiny hands, the nails always short and never varnished because that interfered with her baking.
‘It’s Ed.’ One of her hands crept up to her mouth and she chewed on one of the thumbnails distractedly.
‘I knew it! What’s the idiot done now?’ He had no real opinion of Ed. There seemed nothing about him to provoke strong feelings one way or the other. He seemed to treat Lucy well enough and he didn’t interfere with their friendship. That was all Gabriel really cared about. She always seemed too focused on building up her bakery business to be serious about anyone.
‘It’s not what he’s done.’ She looked at him miserably. ‘It’s what he hasn’t done.’
‘I’m not following.’
She sighed. ‘We’ve been together now for, what, two years. It’s all going fine, ticking along, you know.’ He nodded encouragingly. ‘And at Christmas, I thought that was going to be it…’
‘What was going to be it?’ His head had begun to ache. He wished she’d get to the point.
‘When he gave me the necklace. You know, the moon-shaped silver one?’ She searched his face. Gabriel had no idea what she was talking about but nodded anyway. ‘He handed the box over with this big grand gesture and I thought for sure that was it. I would open it and there would be the ring.’ She held a hand out, palm upturned, as if expecting the non-existent ring to materialise there in front of her eyes.
So this was it.
‘You mean you thought he was going to propose and it turned out he’d bought you a necklace?’ He laughed, feeling an unexpected flash of passing sympathy for Ed. Women. Sometimes there was no pleasing them. ‘Hey, at least he bought you a necklace!’
She threw her hands up in exasperation. ‘You’re missing the point. What was last night?’
He scratched his head. ‘You’ve got me. Saturday night?’
She shoved him. ‘No, you idiot. It was Valentine’s Day, wasn’t it? Surely you must remember that—the postman probably got a hernia heaving your sackload of cards up the steps.’ She looked away and muttered disgustedly almost to herself, ‘I can’t believe you don’t remember.’
‘Of course, of course, Valentine’s Day. I did get a few cards as it happens.’ He glanced at the waste-paper bin in the corner, into which he’d dropped all the love-related correspondence of the previous day.
‘I don’t care about your cards! It was Valentine’s Day, and Ed had booked a table at our favourite restaurant, that Italian one, you know. And he’d told me he had something special to discuss with me. And I thought, well…’
Gabriel sighed. He could see where this was heading. ‘You thought he was going to propose.’
‘Yes.’
‘And did he?’
‘No! He started going on about this investment opportunity and wondering if I might consider putting some money in. The bakery has been doing pretty well lately…’ She trailed off miserably.
Gabriel looked at her, torn between concern for her and amusement. He’d known, of course, that she had a bit of a dream of ending up with the perfect happily ever after. Marriage, two-point-four children and a dog. How could he not know that when they’d been friends for so long? After the insecurities of her childhood it made perfect sense that she would want to build her own secure family in later life. But he’d never seriously considered it would happen in the foreseeable future; she was far too ambitious and engrossed in her growing business. And he’d never for a moment considered Ed as…
As what? Competition? His stomach did a slow and unexpected flip, adding to the hangover symptoms he was gradually developing. Where the hell had that thought come from? As permanent fixture material, he corrected himself. He must really need some sleep; he wasn’t thinking straight. He put a hand to his head and massaged his temples with his thumb and forefinger. ‘Lu, it’s just one of those things. He hasn’t done this to upset you—he probably hasn’t got a clue you feel like this. Did you tell him?’
She shook her head.
‘You know what Ed’s like. It probably doesn’t occur to him that you might like him to propose marriage.’ Gabriel didn’t particularly consider Ed to be the sharpest knife in the drawer, but, even if he was, mind-reading was likely to be beyond him. ‘It doesn’t mean he isn’t happy, does it?’
She shrugged. He decided to try a more brutal tack. He felt an unexpected compulsion to talk her out of the marriage dream. Nothing to do with disliking Ed. If anything he was completely neutral on that subject. But Lucy was only just approaching thirty. She was far too ambitious to settle down; this would turn out to be one of her temporary crazes. Occasionally she got a mad idea into her head and threw her heart and soul into it, only to tire of it ten minutes later. The only thing she’d ever been totally committed to was creative cookery.
Straight talking was what was needed here. He took a deep breath. ‘Look, Lucy, you really need to get over this sudden obsession with settling down, with marriage. Marriage isn’t the be-all and end-all of everything these days, you know. Loads of people are happy just dating long term, or maybe moving in together. And don’t forget your business has just taken off. Ed probably just thinks there’s no rush.’ As an afterthought he added, ‘And he’s right.’
She shook her head vigorously. ‘You’re not getting it. I know loads of people don’t go for marriage these days and that’s up to them. But this is about me. And for me moving in together is a cop out. Not enough.’
She looked up at him, her green eyes wide and clear. He felt as if he could see every fleck of colour in them. ‘My parents just lived together and one or other of them was always either about to leave, leaving, or left. Maybe if they’d been married they might have taken it all a bit more seriously. Moving in is not enough of a commitment. Not for me. Not deep down.’ She made a fist and pressed it against her flat stomach. ‘Ed has no excuse. He’s more than up for getting married when we discuss it in principle, which we have done loads of times.’
Gabriel stood up and started back to the kitchen. He needed coffee and painkillers. Not necessarily in that order. The hangover was kicking in with a vengeance.
She called after him. ‘He’s quite happy to say of course he wants to get married one day. But when it comes to actually stepping up to the plate and making it official? Nothing! I’ve had it up to here!’ She indicated a level somewhere above her head. ‘I obviously attract commitment-phobic men. And so that’s why I’ve come to get your help.’
He stopped in his tracks halfway to the door and looked back at her dubiously. ‘What do you mean, my help? What the hell can I do?’
‘You have loads of girlfriends, right? And you’re the most commitment-shy person I know.’
‘Well, yes… I mean no.’ He tried to work out if there was a compliment or insult in there and decided there was probably both. ‘How is this relevant?’
‘Well, I’ve decided to take matters into my own hands,’ she said firmly. ‘There’s no point hanging around waiting for Ed to get his act together. I’ll be ninety before that happens and my clock is ticking.’
Gabriel pulled a revolted face. ‘OK, can we not talk about the clock-ticking thing? Men don’t want to know about that biological time-bomb stuff. In fact, if you’ve mentioned that to Ed, it could be your reason right there.’
She held up a hand to shut him up. ‘Exactly my point. You can advise me on all this kind of thing.’
He raised his eyebrows at her quizzically.
‘Where I’m going wrong, of course. Why he isn’t falling over himself to get a ring on my finger.’ She warmed to her subject. ‘You must have a wealth of experience just waiting to be tapped. You can show me how to be totally irresistible to him. And then…’ she swept past him into the kitchen and crashing sounds began as she started to make the coffee herself ‘… I’m going to ask him to marry me. On February twenty-ninth.’
He thought for a moment she might actually be going mad.
‘It’s a leap year,’ she supplied helpfully, as if she had read his mind. ‘Women have a chance, no, a right to propose to their man on this day, once every four years. And you are going to help me do it in a way which means he will have to say yes!’
Hangover forgotten, he barged into the kitchen behind her. She’d had some crazy ideas in her time, but this…
‘No. Absolutely no way.’
‘Why not?’ She looked up from scrabbling about in the cutlery drawer to give him a petulant frown.
‘Because I don’t have time to provide you with an insight into the male mind, and, even if I did, it’s not right, Lucy. You have to go home, tell Ed how unhappy you are and force the issue.’
‘Do you think I haven’t tried that?’ Her voice began to take on an angry pitch. ‘I did all of that at Christmas, he was totally clear on my feelings and gave me the same old rubbish about it “happening one day soon”. It’s made absolutely zero difference.’ She slammed two cups down on the counter so hard he was amazed they didn’t break. ‘He bought me perfume for my birthday—another missed opportunity right there—and now Valentine’s Day. The most romantic day of the year and we spent the evening discussing cash flow for his property development business.’
Gabriel shook a generous mound of instant coffee directly from the jar into his cup. If he was going to survive this conversation he needed all the caffeine he could get. ‘Have you considered that maybe he just isn’t the right guy?’
Her face twisted and the anger gave way to frustration. ‘He is the right guy, Gabe. We get on great. He’s supportive, he makes me laugh and I love him. He’s got his own business like me, so he understands when I disappear on evenings and weekends to finish off wedding cakes…’
None of these things particularly struck Gabriel as evidence of true love—more like plenty of free time to watch football on the weekend and free evenings to go out with his mates.
‘Please, Gabe. I’ll do the same for you one day.’
‘I have absolutely no need of help on how to propose to women, thanks very much.’
‘I wasn’t suggesting that. I just meant I’d owe you a favour. I know you’ve denounced commitment since Alison died.’ She looked at him uncertainly, and well she might. She knew perfectly well this would touch a nerve.
He felt the usual stab in his chest, where his heart was, he supposed. It was a low blow mentioning Alison. He devoted most of his waking hours to keeping all memory of her locked in a corner of his mind that he never visited. He certainly had no intention of talking about her now. He fixed a neutral expression on his face and grappled for a subject change. Thinking on his feet being one of his strengths, he very quickly found one.
‘Now that you mention owing me a favour…’ He spun away from her suddenly and grabbed a gilt-edged piece of stiff cream card from beneath a magnet on the fridge. ‘Will you come to my law firm dinner with me?’ He passed her the card and she scrutinised it.
‘You want me to be your date for some work do?’ she asked. ‘I thought you had them queuing up? Can’t that Tabitha go with you? Or is it Agatha? God, I lose track.’
‘Tabitha was months ago, keep up. I think you must mean Susan.’
‘Who the hell is Susan?’
‘It doesn’t matter, to be honest. We broke up last week. She was getting a bit full-on.’ Unable to find a clean teaspoon in his bombsite of a kitchen, he began to stir his coffee with a fork handle.
‘Well, in that case, you should be due to meet someone new…’ she consulted her watch with a flourish ‘… any time right about now. The dinner’s in a couple of weeks, so she should be at the perfect point in your relationship. Falling for you, but not yet far enough to scare you into dropping her like a hot potato. Problem solved—you really don’t need me. And anyway…’ she passed the invitation back to him and picked up her cup ‘… we’re talking about my problem, not your logistical dating rubbish.’
He shook his head. ‘You don’t understand. This is serious. I can’t be taking just anyone. It’s a big deal, this dinner, all our major clients will be there, and all the partners in the firm. I need a date who isn’t too showy and who won’t be draped all over me or hanging on my every word. In short, someone who will act the way I ask them to. That’s where you come in. Tabitha will be there, too, since she works for us, and things didn’t really end well with her.’
She raised her eyebrows. ‘Are you for real? You’re so arrogant. Have you ever thought it might be the type of woman you go for that causes the problem? Or maybe, shock-horror, the way you treat them? You never show any interest beyond a couple of dates.’
He shrugged. ‘I’m always honest with them. I never give the impression that I want anything serious. It’s not normally an issue, but the thing is I’ve dated a couple of the women at work, women who’ll be at the dance. You’re well known as just a friend of mine. So no chance of any jealous scenes. No one will feel remotely threatened by you. Problem solved.’
Lucy gave a cynical laugh. ‘I wouldn’t be convinced of that. Your girlfriends are never my biggest fans. Women are eternally suspicious of the female best friend. You automatically wonder what he’s getting from her that he can’t get from you.’
Gabriel was mystified. ‘No, no. They always say they like you. And they know you’re with Ed.’
‘They would say that. They’re trying to please you. You really could do with my insight, you know.’ She sighed. ‘But look, I’ll make a bargain with you. I will go to the dinner with you and solve your dating problems.’
He grinned triumphantly, but she held up a hand. ‘Please, let me finish. On condition that you help me with my proposal plan. I need the male point of view.’ She looked at him expectantly. ‘Do we have a deal? I thought we could start right away. We could go for a run by the river and discuss some details.’ She stood up and did a couple of sample stretches, lunging forward on her slightly built legs.
He watched her in horrified amazement. ‘You’re insane if you think I’m up to running anywhere. I only got to bed at three.’
Was it just that? He felt an irrational negativity towards the idea of helping her propose to Ed, and crushed it. It must be the hangover. Why should he care if she got married, as long as she was happy? That was all he ever wanted for her, after all. Based on past experience she would be bored with the idea in a couple of weeks, and if he got her to look closely enough at Ed’s faults he might even be able to speed it up and everything would get back to normal. Best to just go with the flow for now.
‘Let me go back to bed and I’ll come round to your place tomorrow night,’ he said. ‘I’ll even bring a bottle of wine. And, though I say it with a measure of dread, then you’ve got a deal.’
CHAPTER TWO (#ulink_5160eaba-67fe-5a12-adaf-f2c9fc6e9130)
DESPITE Gabriel’s protestations that he needed sleep, after Lucy left to go running and he fell gratefully back into bed it totally eluded him. Lucy getting married. His mind worried at it like a dog at a bone. It was a given that if she were to propose, Ed would accept. He didn’t question that for a second. Any man would be a fool to refuse her. Knowing her as he did, she would storm ahead with the arrangements and be married by the end of the year. Her life would revolve around someone else then. His mind picked at this one thing. Where was the space for their friendship in that?
When she wanted help with anything Gabriel was the one she came to. It had been the same since they were kids. Hell, it had been him who’d found the property that was now her first shop, and persuaded her to move to Bath and expand her successful cake business, which up until then had operated through word of mouth from her own kitchen. He’d even let her live with him rent free for six months while she got the shop off the ground. If something really great or really bad happened to him she was the first person he wanted to tell about it. The great things because he knew she’d get a kick out of them just as he did. The bad things because her effervescent personality always made him feel better, no matter what kind of day he’d had. How did he feel about having someone else step into that role? If he were totally, brutally honest he hated the thought. Sleep was a long time coming.
Three hours later, Lucy was peeling potatoes in her cosy little kitchen when the front door slammed and Ed came into the flat. He gave her a smacking kiss and looked over her shoulder at the pans of vegetables.
‘Hi, baby. Smells great.’
‘Thanks.’
He was wearing a T-shirt and tracksuit bottoms, hair still slightly damp from the shower. Ed played for a local football team and trained most Sunday mornings. He opened the fridge and took out two beers, holding one out to her. She shook her head.
‘No, thanks, I’m fine. How was training?’ She didn’t mind him playing. It was the one day of the week when she had a relaxed morning to herself. Except for this morning, of course. She felt exasperated still with Ed’s insensitivity the night before, but she was doing something about it now, wasn’t she? In a couple of weeks’ time they would be engaged. She smiled inwardly at the thought.
‘OK. Knee’s been giving me a bit of grief. Think I’ll go and put it up for a bit. Anything I can do?’
‘No, no. You go and sit down. I’ll just get the potatoes on and then I’ll be in.’
When she entered the lounge ten minutes later Ed was sprawled in the armchair, sports channel on the TV, foot resting on the coffee table.
She sat down on the arm of his chair and ruffled his blond hair affectionately. It fell over his forehead and the sideburns were grown long in homage to Ed’s music hero Elvis Presley. ‘I saw Gabriel this morning. I was going to drag him out jogging but he was hung way over. In the end I went on my own.’
‘Hmm.’ He didn’t avert his gaze from the TV screen.
‘He’s asked me if I’ll go to a dinner dance thing with him. It’s a work do.’
Ed glanced up at her.
‘Can’t he take one of his women? God knows there’s enough of them.’
She smiled. ‘That’s exactly what I said. Apparently he’s offended one of his ex-girlfriends and she’s going to be there. He needs a neutral date to avoid any grief. It’s the weekend after next—you don’t mind, do you?’
He took a swig from the bottle of beer. ‘No. I’ll go out with the lads probably. You go and enjoy yourself. Keep him in check.’
‘He’s coming round tomorrow night, too. Got a few work issues to discuss, but you’ll be out anyway.’
He simply nodded, clearly more attuned to the television than to her. She watched him. There had been a time, once, when they’d first got together, that they would have had a stand-up row at her suggestion she have a night out with Gabriel. The few boyfriends she’d had before Ed had been the same. She didn’t blame them. It normally took a good few months before they realised her relationship with Gabriel really was totally platonic and then they quit protesting and questioning her about him. Even so, Ed still couldn’t resist the occasional dig, and liked to amuse himself by promoting the view that Gabe took advantage of her friendship when it suited him. But he didn’t try to stop her seeing him, and that was all that really mattered to her. She simply rose above the masculine posturing.
After lunch, she watched Ed as he stacked dishes in the dishwasher. This was exactly what she liked so much about being with him. Domesticity. Her mind wandered before she could stop it towards her own childhood home. She had lived with her parents in the tied cottage on Gabriel’s family estate. The cottage went with her father’s job of groundsman. Anything to do with the upkeep of the manor house and its gardens and outhouses had been his responsibility. And to his credit, she thought, he did a good job for almost the entire time they were there. Until the end when his drinking had more charge of his life than he did himself.
Dragged down with him was her mother, who developed her own drinking problem alongside him, almost in sympathy with him. The rows had become more and more frequent, verbal at first, then at times physical. By the time Lucy was sixteen her mother had left and she was running the house herself as well as managing her own schoolwork. She had kept everything perfectly as if she could somehow bring order to the rest of her life by making the house run smoothly.
Watching Ed now in her tiny kitchen, helping her clear up after eating the meal she had cooked for them both, she felt a warmth deep inside her. She felt totally at ease, relaxed, secure. She wanted that feeling to last and to envelop every aspect of her life. She wanted to start thinking about having children now, a family of her own to look after. It was the logical next step for them, and getting married was the way she wanted to start that journey. She felt excited at the thought of it—a proper family at last.
The following evening, Gabriel was late as usual. Only in his private life, though, Lucy thought fondly as she tidied up. He was always impeccably presented, perfectly prepared and absolutely on time when he was working. In fact he was the most professional person she knew, totally reliable and with absolute integrity when he had his lawyer hat on. A rising star in legal circles, he had attained partnership before the age of thirty and his career was going from strength to strength. Unfortunately it never seemed to wrap over to his personal life. He was always late and his beautiful house was always a pigsty.
She let him in and he kissed her on the cheek. She caught a whiff of his aftershave, something woody that made her want to breathe in deeply. He marched straight through into her neat little kitchen, grabbed a couple of glasses and rummaged in the drawer for a bottle opener. She followed him in and leaned against the doorway, watching him with amused interest.
‘Make yourself at home,’ she said teasingly.
He grinned without looking up. ‘You’re such a creature of habit, Lu. After living with you for six months I could probably find any given kitchen utensil or crockery item in this room without even looking.’
‘Steak knife?’
He opened the drawer below the hob and pulled the knife out with a flourish. She liked all sharp items to be close to hob and chopping board.
‘Luck!’ she protested. ‘Olive oil?’
He pointed at the high cupboard on the left. ‘In the ingredients and condiments cupboard, of course.’
She didn’t have to open the cupboard to know he was right. Everything in her kitchen had order to it. She liked it that way. ‘Salad spinner?’
‘What the hell is one of those?’
She laughed and he grinned back at her as he uncorked the bottle of wine.
‘OK, let’s get started.’ She took one of the glasses and led the way into her little sitting room. It was neat and tidy. The scented candles she’d lit earlier gave off a delicious warm winter scent of orange and cloves. He followed with the bottle and took the armchair. She settled herself close by on the sofa.
‘So, where do you think we should start, then?’ she asked him as soon as she was comfortable.
He glanced up at her as he poured the wine.
‘Should I ask him on his own, or with all our friends and family there?’ She put her head on one side and screwed her nose up, considering. ‘Do you think it would be too weird if I bought myself a ring?’
He held up a hand for her to be quiet and she waited impatiently while he took a slug from his glass. ‘Firstly, for the record, I want you to know I think this is possibly the most crackpot idea you’ve ever had. I’m including in that the time when we were kids and you convinced me my mother would be pleased if we repainted the sitting-room door yellow with my fingerpaints.’
She laughed and he smiled back at her. He had a heart-melting smile that gradually crept up to his eyes, creasing the corners and giving him a look of intensity. She always felt he kept that smile just for her. No doubt many other women felt the same, she thought wryly.
‘But since you’ve agreed to watch my back at this wretched work dinner dance,’ he went on, ‘I will help you.’
She clapped her hands together excitedly.
‘But if we do this, we’re going to take it seriously and we’re going to do it my way. OK?’ He looked at her sternly for agreement.
‘OK.’ She sat on her hands to keep herself from fidgeting, and made herself wait for him to carry on. Once Gabriel had committed to something she knew he would take it totally seriously and wouldn’t allow her to sidetrack him with her enthusiasm. It was one of the things she adored about him.
In all the years she’d known him, he’d never let her down. Unlike most of the other main players in her life, she thought, with a pang of regret. The finger-painting memory reminded her of how much she’d loved spending time with him as a child. Gabriel was an only child, just like her, except that his parents were very loving and very wealthy. She hadn’t cared about the wealthy part, but she had envied him for the happy, unworried and loving life he had. His family were warm and kind and had always welcomed her. For her the ‘big house’, as she’d thought of it, had been a refuge from the constant escalating fights in her own home.
Gabriel dragged her back to the present by making an enthusiastic start on his plans. ‘OK, there’s only two weeks until the twenty-ninth so we need to get our skates on. That means radical plans to make him sit up and take notice of you.’ He leaned back a little and looked at her critically. ‘I know you, Lucy. You’ll be wanting to jump in and plan a massive party culminating with you getting down on one knee. But it’s not enough to plan a speech and a big sweeping gesture of a proposal.’ He paused for effect. ‘For true success you need to get to the bottom of why he doesn’t feel he needs to propose to you himself. If we can do that we can change the way he thinks of you and we’ll be guaranteed a positive outcome.’ He grinned at her across the coffee table.
‘How do we do that?’ She marvelled at how well he knew her. It was almost spooky. One of the options she’d been secretly considering was a party ending in a firework display. Another was hiring a barbershop quartet to sing the proposal to Ed while she looked smugly on awaiting his resounding ‘yes’. Her own enthusiasm could easily overshadow her common sense, which was why Gabriel’s calm perspective was exactly what was needed.
‘We’re going to scrutinise every area of your life,’ he said. ‘Find out why he needs a rocket lit under him to get him to commit. We’ll look at your home life, your social life, your wardrobe, your appearance…’ He sat back again for a moment and looked her up and down appraisingly from the extra distance. His slate-grey eyes looked puffy and sleep-starved, but nothing could detract from the strong jawline and determined mouth. Even when he’s tired he looks gorgeous, she thought. How unfair. And now he’s going to criticise the way I look.
She pushed her fingers through her curls defensively. ‘What’s the matter with my appearance?’ she demanded.
He leaned forward again to pick up his glass. ‘Nothing, sweetie, except that Ed is used to you looking like that. We need to make him see you through fresh eyes and the easiest way to do that is by working on your appearance. I know someone who runs the personal shopping service at Jolly’s in town. Leave it to me.’
‘Right,’ she said dubiously. ‘Because if your intention is to boost my ego, let me tell you you’re falling way short.’
He ignored her. ‘Tell me about your average day.’
‘Weekday or weekend?’ His businesslike attitude was beginning to tug at the edges of her temper. This was her life they were talking about after all, not some legal transaction.
‘Weekday. What do you both do? When do you see each other? How often do you get together?’
‘Wow, twenty questions.’
He simply looked at her expectantly, eyebrows raised as if she were a misbehaving toddler, and she spoke quickly before he could admonish her for not taking it seriously. ‘Well, I get up early, of course. Usually about five so I can get to the bakery and sort out the stock for the day. So he rarely stays over on a week-night.’
‘So you don’t see him during the week except in the evening?’
‘Well, no, but he usually rings me every day mid-morning,’ she said brightly. ‘That’s if he’s not in the middle of something at one of the houses.’
Ed was a property developer. Fed up with his job in IT, he’d given it all up three years ago, just before they’d met in fact, and now spent his time buying run-down shacks and doing them up, then selling them on for profit. It wasn’t yet turning out to be the giant money-spinner he always talked it up to be.
Still, early days, she told herself. Give the guy a chance. She liked the fact that he’d thrown himself into building up a business, being his own boss. Taking responsibility for his own success or failure. It was something she could relate to. After all, it had taken her years of hard graft to build up her cake business. They had a lot in common, and that always made for a good, strong relationship, in her opinion.
Gabriel pressed on. ‘And how much does he actually do around the house?’
‘Plenty.’
‘Not good enough. What’s his house like? Imagine you’re married and living together in this lovely flat.’
She glanced around the perfectly tidy room with satisfaction. She loved her little flat, filled with unusual bits and pieces of furniture that she’d picked up in markets and antique shops. Gabriel had always teased her about it, telling her she was ‘nesting’.
‘Imagine you go away on holiday or business for a week,’ he went on. ‘You leave him alone here. Based on what you know of him, what would the place be like when you got back?’
She pulled a face. ‘Well, he’s not that good on his own, to be honest. He’s not really a cook, so he’d probably have lived on pizza and takeaways. The place would most likely look just like his house. A hovel. You’d feel at home in it!’ She dodged as he threw a cushion at her.
‘I’m not that bad!’
‘Your flat is a pigsty, Gabe. Face facts. The only time there’s been any semblance of order was when I stayed with you and that’s only because I can’t live in your kind of squalor.’
‘You’re not doing yourself any favours here, you know.’ He put on a hurt expression. ‘Anyway, we’re talking about Ed, not me. What else?’
She pursed her mouth, considering. ‘There’d be an overload of washing. I’m not sure he knows how to work the machine.’
‘Pathetic!’
‘And the plants would probably be dead. He never remembers to water them.’
He held up a hand to stop her. ‘I think I’ve heard enough. Basically, Lu, and I’m going to be brutal here…’ She looked at him expectantly. He paused dramatically then announced loudly, ‘You have become Ed’s mother.’
Silence for a moment while this sank in and then she exploded. ‘Don’t be so ridiculous! You’re twisting everything. You make it sound like he’s some layabout slob who doesn’t lift a finger while I do everything!’
‘Sounds about right.’
She stood up, feeling irrationally that it might somehow give her the advantage to be taller than him. ‘You’re wrong, Gabriel. We’re just very different people with different priorities. There must be millions, zillions of couples just like us.’
‘I’m sure there are,’ he said with calm amusement. ‘But what you think you have is the traditional “he hunts it, she cooks it” model of relationship. Only trouble is, unless he changes his ways you will hunt it and cook it because, face it, if you get married to Ed, you are going to be the main breadwinner.’
‘That has nothing to do with it!’
‘It has everything to do with it!’
Hands on hips, she glared at him angrily.
He held his hands up in a calm-down gesture. ‘OK, let’s take a different approach. Have you told him about going to the dinner as my date yet?’
‘Yes,’ she said, relaxing a little at the change of tack. She sat down again. Ed had been more than reasonable when she’d asked him. Let’s see you pick holes in that, Gabriel.
‘And what did he say?’
‘He was totally fine about it, as a matter of fact. Didn’t bat an eyelid. Even told me to have a good time,’ she said triumphantly.
‘Oh, dear.’ He looked at her sympathetically.
‘What now?’
‘Well, it’s good for me, of course, problem solved for the dinner and dance. But for you… you are being taken for granted! Big time.’
She felt her temper strain madly at its leash. This was rapidly becoming a character assassination of Ed and she wasn’t going to take it lying down. ‘I don’t see that,’ she countered coldly. ‘Surely it’s a positive thing that he’s being so reasonable.’
‘Aha! That’s where you’re wrong.’ He leaned in close to her suddenly, grabbed her wrist and looked into her eyes. Her stomach made a sudden unexpected flutter and she felt her pulse increase. She ignored it, assuming it must be part of the effort required to keep her temper from flaring. ‘Lucy, if I was in a relationship with you, lovely you, I would not let you go on a date with any other guy but me. I wouldn’t care whether he was your friend, if he was gay, whatever.’
She looked into his eyes. Clear slate grey filled with nothing but genuine love and concern for her. The pit of her stomach felt warm and soft suddenly, like melting chocolate. She felt the tiny spark of a long-forgotten memory, almost there and then gone again. Her mind felt adrift, as if sand had suddenly shifted below her and she was no longer standing firm. What the hell is this? Grappling for self-control, she focused hard on her train of thought.
‘He used to be like that when we first met,’ she protested in a small voice. ‘He couldn’t stand the sight of you.’
‘There you go.’ He released her hand and sat back with a triumphant nod, grabbing his wine glass as he went. She felt an odd sensation of loss and put her hand in her lap to compensate. ‘He’s got used to the fact that you will always be here, you’ll never look at anyone else, no one else will ever look at you…’
‘Hey!’
‘I’m not criticising you, Lu, I’m just telling you that he’s got complacent. He’s taking you for granted. No need to make an effort because he counts on you always being here. Stopped working at it, hasn’t he? That’s the key.’ He was nodding his head emphatically.
‘What is?’ She was rapidly losing the point of this conversation. Hadn’t it been to focus on the positives of her relationship? Instead he seemed to be implying that Ed was coasting along and taking her for granted. Just what was going on here?
‘He thinks he’s got it all sewn up. He doesn’t need to propose to you because he’s already got you. What we need to do is shake that perception up a bit. Make the ground shake a little bit underneath him. Make him realise how fabulous and gorgeous you are and that he has to work to keep you.’
That sounded a bit more like it. ‘OK, so how do we do that, Sherlock?’
‘You need to move the goalposts,’ he said firmly. ‘One of the things you can do is see a bit more of me. Get him to miss you a bit. I’m the winner then, too, because I get to spend a bit more time with you. I’ve missed you since you moved out.’
The warmth in her stomach bubbled back up again and she took a hefty slug of wine to stop it. That strange sense pervaded her again, of falling backwards in time. She shook her head as if to clear it. Of course, she assured herself firmly, it was perfectly normal to feel nervous and emotional. She was sitting here planning her future, after all.
‘Have you?’ She’d missed him at first, too, after she’d moved out of his house. It had been lovely seeing him every day for those few months after her arrival in Bath.
‘Yes.’ He grinned mischievously. ‘The house has a more relaxed look about it without your obsessive tidying and I get to keep the remote control to myself. But I kind of miss having a fridge full of proper food and coming home to someone. I liked talking to you every day.’
She took another glug of wine and reminded herself that this was Gabe she was talking to. Her best friend with her best interests at heart. He wouldn’t be trying to assassinate her relationship; he really was only trying to help, which, after all, was what she’d asked him to do. ‘Aww, that’s sweet. Bit of a backhanded compliment though. And “relaxed” isn’t a word I’d use to describe your hovel. You’ve got a nerve criticising Ed’s domesticity.’
‘This isn’t about me, though, is it? And anyway, backhanded compliments are the best kind. I’m saying I wish you still lived with me despite all your faults. Not the same as wanting you to change.’
‘Hmm, I suppose so,’ she said grudgingly.
He refilled her glass, then his own. ‘So you agree on how to proceed? Excellent. Why don’t you come to lunch with my parents this Sunday? They’d love to see you. They’re always asking about you.’
‘You mean go back to Gloucestershire?’ She felt a vague sense of unease and squashed it. She generally avoided going back to her home county, as if the new life she’d built since leaving would somehow be challenged by revisiting her old one. Her parents were long gone from there, of course, but the memories wouldn’t be.
‘Of course. Sunday roast. Not cooked by you. Sound tempting?’ He grinned at her expectantly.
She debated to herself. She knew she should put an end to the avoidance of anything relating to her childhood. She was an adult now and could recognise it for what it was. Maybe going back to Gloucestershire would do her good—she could lay a few ghosts, and she had to admit he had a point about Ed. Wasn’t absence meant to make the heart grow fonder? They had fallen into a bit of a rut recently, doing the same things on the same days.
She gave in. ‘It does sound tempting. And I suppose you could be right—perhaps Ed needs to miss me a bit.’
‘He definitely does. He needs to appreciate you a bit more and feel like he’s lucky to have you and he ought to snap you up officially just to make sure. He feels too sure of you, that’s the root of the whole thing. And in the meantime, we’ll have a look at your appearance and see what we can do with that. And I need to observe you out together socially.’
Lucy looked doubtfully down at her plain T-shirt and jeans with a vague but undeniable feeling of dread at the idea of Gabriel analysing her wardrobe. In an attempt to divert him she latched onto his second suggestion. ‘No problem. We’re all meeting up tomorrow night at that new wine bar on George Street. You could come along if you like. Do all the observing you want to.’
‘Who’s we?’
‘Ed’s friends,’ she said. ‘Well, mine, too, of course. There’s Digger and Yabba, and their other halves, Suzy and Kate. Probably one or two others—it varies depending on who’s free.’
‘Digger and Yabba,’ Gabriel repeated. ‘They sound like rejects from some kids’ TV show.’
Lucy laughed. ‘That’s their nicknames. No one in Ed’s friendship group is called by their proper name. It’s a man thing. Even Ed isn’t his real name.’
‘You’re kidding,’ Gabriel said with sudden interest. ‘What is his real name?’
‘Roland,’ she said, expertly ignoring Gabriel as he almost choked on his wine with a sudden snort of laughter. ‘Ed is some schoolboy name to do with heading a football or something. I’ve never questioned it because frankly Roland is awful and Ed suits him far better.’
Gabriel shook his head in mock wonder. ‘There’s a whole laddish culture going on that seems to have passed me by.’
‘You haven’t missed much,’ she said. ‘It might have been vaguely funny once when they were in their teens but there’s something a bit sad about having the nickname Yabba when you’re pushing thirty and working as a fireman.’
She leaned back on the sofa and looked at him expectantly. ‘So what do you think, then?’ she asked. ‘Do you want to drop in and join us for a drink?’
‘Sure,’ he said. ‘Should be interesting. Are there any single women going?’
She threw her hands up in exasperation. ‘For heaven’s sake, Gabriel, can’t you forget about your next conquest just for one night? Is it too much to ask? You’re meant to be concentrating on me and Ed, not chatting up the nearest single woman.’
‘I know, I know.’ A pause. ‘But are there? Any single women going?’
She sighed wearily. ‘Well, there’s Joanna, I suppose. She’s Kate’s sister. She’s been single for a bit and she’s started hanging out with us. But she’s been through a horrible break up and the last thing she needs is a three-week dalliance with the likes of you!’
‘That hurt!’ he protested. ‘I just meant it would be nice if I wasn’t the only single person there, that’s all.’
‘Hmm,’ she said dubiously. ‘I’ll believe you. Thousands wouldn’t. I take it that means you’re coming, then? Eight o’clock at Hardings. I’d tell you not to be late but there would be no point, would there?’
CHAPTER THREE (#ulink_4142d9ab-f8af-5921-8272-2163cbc0ad90)
LUCY glanced at her watch for the third time. Quarter to nine now and still no sign of Gabriel. His habitual lateness never usually bothered her and she was annoyed with herself for letting it get to her this evening. Despite the fact that she’d asked him for help, his negative comments about her relationship with Ed had been getting on her nerves. She’d been looking forward to proving him wrong by showing just how great a time she and Ed had together. Not that tonight seemed to be going that way so far, she admitted to herself. Ed’s day hadn’t gone well—a structural problem had been picked up at the house he was currently working on and it was going to be costly to have it sorted out. She noticed he’d moved on to whisky from his usual beer and it wasn’t even nine yet. Great. Maybe it would be for the best if Gabe didn’t turn up after all. The last thing she needed was him to see Ed slowly getting drunk at the opposite end of the table from her. Just how the hell would that look?
As if he had somehow read her mind, the door suddenly swung open at the end of the bar and Gabriel sauntered in, absently looking at his mobile phone as he walked, in no rush whatsoever. He glanced up, quickly searched the room and, seeing her, made his way over to their table. She saw out of the corner of her eye Joanna, the only single girl there, sit up imperceptibly as he approached and viewed him herself for a moment with objectivity. He was wearing a dark shirt, open at the neck, quite snug-fitting, which showed off the heavily muscled shoulders and brought out the depth in his grey eyes. Outside the weather was cold with a tinge of fog in the air and the moisture had tousled his dark hair a little. She gave herself a little shake to clear her head and pasted a smile on her face as she got quickly to her feet.
‘You came,’ she said through slightly gritted teeth. ‘Finally.’
‘Am I late?’ he whispered in her ear as he leaned in to kiss her cheek, and his breath felt warm against her neck. She felt the shivery sensation of goosebumps beginning and moved away from him as quickly as she could.
‘No more than usual,’ she said, and mustered a more genuine smile before turning to the table. ‘Everybody, this is my friend Gabriel. Gabriel, this is Digger and Kate, and Yabba and Suzy. Digger and Yabba play football with Ed.’ Nods were exchanged around the table. ‘And this is Joanna.’ Lucy gestured towards the blonde at the end of the table, who was apparently unable to tear her gaze away from Gabriel. ‘And you know Ed, of course.’ Ed raised his whisky glass in a perfunctory hello gesture from the other end of the table.
She sat down as Gabriel hooked a spare chair from a nearby table. Fully expecting him to sit next to her, she felt a little piqued as he dragged it two spaces away and sat down between Joanna and Yabba. She was left to continue the conversation with Kate, who was sitting on her left, about the plans she was making for the summer holidays later in the year.
Gabriel lost no time in buying a round of drinks and then quickly immersed himself in quiet conversation with Joanna. Ed was steadily getting drunker at the other end of the table and Lucy sipped her own glass of orange juice defiantly. If this was the way the evening was going to go, with her boyfriend and her best friend both apparently having no need of her to have a good time, she would damn well make the most of her own company.
Time and again her eyes strayed to Gabriel. She found she was able to largely tune out the ongoing conversation with Kate and Suzy, who were planning a shopping trip in the next few weeks, and who invited her along with no real conviction because they were both fully aware that Saturdays were one of the busiest days of the week for the cake shop. The occasional yes or no seemed to maintain her part in the discussion perfectly well. Joanna’s curtain of blonde hair swung glossily as she leaned in towards Gabriel. She seemed oblivious to the rest of the table. Lucy felt a stab of annoyance. And she had every right to feel annoyed, she told herself. She’d invited him out after all, to watch her interact with Ed, and yet he’d barely glanced her way even once. Lucy found she was able to make out the occasional snatch of conversation between them.
‘… go out for dinner some time… nothing heavy, just a relaxing evening…’ she heard Gabriel saying. She picked up her orange juice, trying to keep the smug smile from her face. Same old Gabriel. Get the caveat in up front. No chance of the relationship being any more than a couple of dates, so make it clear from the outset. She noticed the firm set of his jaw at this angle and the way his dark hair curled a little over his collar. He was truly gorgeous. No wonder Joanna was mesmerised. And he certainly seemed to have the gift of making her feel as if she was the only woman in the room for him. Because it didn’t appear to matter how often Lucy glanced his way, she might as well have been invisible for all the notice he took of her. She stood up and went to the bar to get another drink, deliberately ignoring them as she passed. Why should she care if Gabriel chatted up yet another woman? It wasn’t as if it were anything she hadn’t seen before, after all. She picked up the menu at the bar and looked through the fat-laden snack list. If this was going to be a long and extremely dull evening, she’d need something to get her through.
Lucy checked her watch. Six forty-five. They’d only been jogging for five minutes and already she was flagging. She’d had hardly any sleep, tossing and turning half the night, unable to switch off. When she’d eventually dropped off at about three it had felt as if her alarm had gone off ten minutes later. Her head ached horribly. Gabriel seemed as fresh as a daisy however, despite the fact it was so early in the morning. She wondered if he’d be seeing Joanna again and mentally slapped herself down. It was nothing to do with her and she absolutely didn’t care.
‘So what conclusions did you get from last night, Relationship Guru?’ she panted, more to bring her mind back on task than because she really wanted to speak.
Gabriel glanced sideways at her and then slowed to a stop. There was a bench a short way off and he slowed her down too by grabbing her arm, then pointed at the bench as they approached it. ‘Let’s sit down for a bit, shall we? You look beat.’
She was too out of breath to argue, and frankly the idea of sitting down for a few minutes sounded wonderful. She followed him to the bench and they sat down and gazed out across the still river. The early morning was fresh and cold and she could see her breath, the clouds from her mouth diminishing slowly as her breathing recovered from the run. Gabriel opened a bottle of water and handed it to her.
‘It was an interesting evening,’ he began.
‘I’m surprised you noticed anything that went on between Ed and me,’ she grumbled. ‘You spent the entire time trying to prise Joanna’s phone number out of her.’
‘Just setting up my cover,’ he protested with a grin. ‘Don’t want Ed to work out there’s something going on, do you? Don’t you think he would have wondered what the hell was going on if I’d spent the entire evening watching the two of you interact? Not that you really did,’ he added pointedly.
‘Hmm,’ she said, unconvinced. ‘What are your conclusions, then? Tell me there was a point to it all.’
‘Of course there was a point to it. I spent a couple of very useful hours observing you and Ed, and what I saw confirmed what I already thought.’
‘Which was…?’
‘The reason it doesn’t occur to Ed to propose to you is because it won’t give him anything more than he already has. Except perhaps a large bill for wedding costs.’
Lucy groaned. ‘Frankly I was expecting something a bit more insightful than that.’
‘I can give you insights. That was just the concise version.’ He took a swig from his bottle of water and glanced at his watch.
‘Go on, then.’
‘OK…’ He stood back up and began stretching to keep warm. Lucy made no move to join him. The way her muscles felt this morning a few stretches were going to make no difference. She might as well give up right now and walk home. But not before she’d heard him out.
‘First of all, just look at the people you are hanging out with,’ he said.
She frowned. ‘What about them? I didn’t see you moaning last night when you were chatting to Joanna over drinks and nibbles.’
He shook his head at her. ‘You’re missing the point. They’re all settled, aren’t they? Well, except for Joanna, but just from a quick conversation with her I can tell she wants to be settled, too. They’re all married or about to be married.’
‘I see where you’re going with this, but you’re wrong. Digger and Kate aren’t married, they live together—’
‘That’s only while Kate pushes Digger towards marriage. You can see the pattern with them—it’s the same as you and Ed. The only difference is that Digger has actually moved in with her while Ed’s hanging on for dear life to his bachelor pad. What I’m trying to say is that marriage is essentially a girl thing. Your average guy has no real drive to get tied down like that. He’s quite happy to live with his girl without all the trappings.’
‘Marriage isn’t just about trappings,’ she protested. ‘It’s a commitment. It gives proper, constant stability.’
‘Only if you choose to see it that way,’ he countered. ‘Living together is a commitment, too, you know. You just don’t have to spend a fortune on a wedding in order to do it. But that doesn’t make it any less significant.’
She shook her head to try and clear it. He always did this—confused the issue so she ended up questioning her own certainties. ‘Get to the point!’ she snapped.
He took a deep breath, the way he always did when he was going to say something that he knew would provoke her. ‘Part of the reason for you wanting to get married is a subconscious desire to fit in with your social group. And Ed will never ask you unless he’s painted into a corner, because when you pare it right down, he has nothing to gain over and above what he’s already getting from you. He has the freedom to keep his own social life; he has you looking after him from every angle. And the pair of you already fit in with all his mates. Why go and spend a fortune making it official? Eventually he probably thinks he’ll ask you to move in with him, but, hey, there’s no rush.’
His sideway glance to measure her reaction told her he knew perfectly well that he was making her angry. Her head ached and her brain felt as if it were swathed in cotton wool. She didn’t have the energy to explode at him as she normally would. Instead she settled for sharpening her tone.
‘To be perfectly honest, Gabe, this amateur psychology rubbish is starting to get on my nerves. All I want is a few pointers. I don’t want or need my whole life deconstructed.’ She stood up, wincing at the throb in her head at the sudden movement. ‘I’m starting to wish I’d never told you about any of this.’
He shrugged. ‘No problem, Lu. I thought you wanted my help, and I’m not going to just tell you stuff you want to hear. That’s not how I work. I’ll give you my opinion and then it’s up to you how you act on it. But what I’m saying is, if you change nothing about your relationship, if you carry on playing the part of a wife before you actually are one, then don’t expect Ed to propose to you any time soon.’
‘I don’t expect him to propose any time soon. I’m going to propose to him. Isn’t that the whole point of this?’
‘Of course. But don’t you think it makes sense to work out why he hasn’t taken the bull by the horns himself? Then you can make changes that keep him on his toes and stop him taking you for granted. You have to admit that would be a good thing for your relationship. He doesn’t seem to feel like he has to make any effort with you at the moment, does he? I mean, just look at him last night, sulking into his whisky glass at the end of the table. I’d be surprised if he said more than ten sentences to you all night. Why does he think it’s OK to treat you like that? He might have had a bad day, but that’s no excuse. I’ll tell you why—it’s because you let him think it’s OK.’
She looked at his serious expression. The problem with her friendship with Gabriel was that their usual sparring was self-perpetuating. She heard herself talk to him sometimes and thought she really was just arguing for argument’s sake because she never wanted to be the one that gave in. She couldn’t fail to see that he had a point and she would be an idiot not to accept it. Too tired to keep bickering, she sighed. ‘OK, OK, I’ll admit I can see where you’re coming from.’
To his credit Gabriel obviously knew her well enough to restrain himself from making any gesture or sound of triumph, simply nodding in agreement, and so she felt able to continue calmly rather than taking the plunge back into the row that any crowing on his part would have provoked. ‘Where do we go from here, then?’ she asked. ‘I’m putting myself in your hands.’
He began jogging lightly on the spot. ‘Well, the next logical step is your appearance, of course. We’ve covered your social life, we’ve looked at the way you react and respond around Ed. Now, you need to make him sit up and take notice. We start with how you look and then we move on to the way you behave. Right?’
‘Right,’ she repeated, with more conviction than she felt.
‘Good,’ he said in a businesslike tone. ‘Then as you’re obviously desperate to quit running you can go home now. Meet me on Thursday night in the city centre.’
Her heart sank.
Lucy locked the door of the cake shop behind her and listened until the alarm system finished beeping and set itself before heading to her battered yellow Mini car. It was already dark outside and she cursed the car’s next-to-useless heater, which roasted her right foot but left the rest of her freezing cold as she made her way through the steady traffic into the main city centre. Towards the shops. The knot in her stomach wouldn’t go away. She didn’t like clothes shopping and applauded the ascent of the Internet, where she could buy what she wanted online in the comfort of her own sitting room, a cup of coffee to hand, and send back anything she didn’t like. She had aspirations to extend her cake business one day to encompass online shopping.
Sighing to herself as she parked, she realised that if she wanted to keep expanding her business then the cash investment that seemed so important to Ed wasn’t likely to be a reality any time soon. Still, Ed would understand that, she was sure. He was as steady as a rock, one of the things that attracted her to him. Not unpredictable or headstrong. Not like Gabriel at all, she thought unexpectedly, and frowned. She had no place thinking that, she admonished herself. It was of no consequence to her how Gabriel differed from Ed; she wasn’t one of his endless stream of girlfriends, thank goodness. She had no idea how they put up with him, not knowing if he would be there for the next date or not. She easily silenced the small voice at the back of her mind that protested that unpredictable was a million times more interesting and exciting than steady. It was also a million times less safe.
It was Thursday night, late-night shopping in Bath, and Gabriel had ‘called in a favour’, as he described it, and organised a personal shopping session for Lucy. Not necessarily to buy anything, he had placated her when she’d raised a frugal eyebrow—Gabriel had expensive tastes and she really didn’t need that kind of encouragement. But to try on a few new things and look at the kind of thing men apparently liked their women to wear. According to Gabriel this was a world apart from what women thought men liked them to wear.
‘A subtle distinction, but by the end of today I think you will agree an important one,’ he said confidently as he led the way into the heart of the city on foot, having parked the Aston Martin close enough to her Mini to make it look shabbier than ever. Bath looked beautiful in the dark, lights from the shops brightening the cobbled side streets. ‘A few changes and it could kick-start your relationship. Ed won’t know what’s hit him.’
‘I’ve never had any complaints before,’ Lucy pointed out. ‘In fact, Ed’s really good about complimenting me on my appearance. He always notices when I get my hair cut. He likes the way I look.’
Gabriel nodded admiringly. ‘He’s got his head screwed on, I’ll give him that. Always stick to the rule.’
‘What rule?’
‘You know, if you can’t say anything good, then don’t say anything. She always looks beautiful, especially in the morning, and if she ever asks you if something makes her look big the answer is always no.’
‘Even if it does?’
‘Especially if it does.’
Lucy stared at him. ‘Is there really this underlying theme of men playing some kind of game with us or are you just messing about?’
She sounded shocked and he slowed his pace to a stroll and looked at her with a grin. ‘Maybe I’m overstating it a bit,’ he said. Then he raised an eyebrow as he apparently debated the question to himself. ‘Though not that much. There is something of an unwritten rule for men.’
She looked at him quizzically.
‘You learn about it as you go along. It’s not worth the grief sometimes to be brutally honest so you tell her what she wants to hear and then enjoy your quiet life. Men don’t notice what women wear half as much as other women do.’
‘In that case what the hell is the point of us being here?’ God, he could be exasperating at times.
‘Because we want Ed to sit up and take notice, don’t we? Look at you through fresh eyes. And the easiest way to make a man do a double take is with your appearance, right?’
Gabriel dragged her by the arm into the beautiful old building that housed Jolly’s department store. Designer and high street in one vast place, with chandeliers and lots of steps up and down to different departments. As they stepped out of the lift and walked into the lusciously carpeted personal shopping suite Lucy was surprised to see him kiss the cheek of the impeccably dressed assistant who greeted them. Surely that was a bit overfamiliar, wasn’t it?
‘Lucy, this is Amanda,’ Gabriel said.
Lucy nodded uncertainly at the perfectly groomed blonde woman in her understated suit and heels.
‘Amanda, thanks so much for fitting us in,’ he said warmly, and led the way into the suite, walking next to the woman as Lucy lagged a few paces behind them feeling drab in her jeans and sweater. ‘Getting married soon, could do with a makeover…’ she heard him say and her eyes widened. What a cheek!
Amanda showed them both to a huge squashy leather sofa, and then disappeared through a side door. The moment they were sitting down and she was out of earshot, Lucy elbowed Gabriel hard in the ribs.
‘Ow!’
‘Serves you right!’ she said in an angry stage whisper. ‘Could do with a makeover? There’s nothing wrong with the way I look!’
‘Calm down, Lu.’ He held his hands up in mock surrender. ‘I’m just keeping her sweet. Just making sure she realises we’re not, you know, together. Do you have any idea how booked up this place gets? Told you I’d call in a favour. I knew Amanda would squeeze us in, time being of the essence and everything.’ He winked at her.
She rolled her eyes skyward in exasperation. ‘You mean I’ll be getting dress tips from one of your conquests? You must be joking!’
He made an urgent shushing gesture, which infuriated her all the more. ‘Keep your voice down! She’s not a conquest, since you ask, but she is a friend of a friend and—’
‘Oh, great. She just isn’t a conquest yet, then. Big difference.’
‘Will you just chill out? She’s excellent at her job and you want to try on some new stuff. Where’s the problem?’
She shook her head impatiently at him and then pasted a polite smile on her face as Amanda reappeared with an armful of clothes and began hanging them on a rail at the side of the room.
She threw a glance Lucy’s way and smiled. ‘Size eight,’ she said. ‘Possibly a ten in jeans and definitely petite.’ It was a statement, not a question.
Lucy nodded in admiration. ‘You’re good,’ she had to admit.
Amanda came over to the sofa and smiled at them. ‘That’s what I’m paid for,’ she said. ‘Follow me, Lucy. I’ll pull some things together for you to try and we can get an idea of what suits your body type best and what colours work well for you, that kind of thing.’ She shifted her gaze to Gabriel. ‘Make yourself comfortable, Gabriel. There’ll be some drinks along in a minute.’ She flashed him a brilliant smile. Gabriel smiled back at her and stretched out in the corner of the sofa, his arms behind his head.
Lucy followed Amanda into the curtained fitting-room section of the suite. None of the horror of the communal changing room here, thankfully. No desperate shrugging into clothes and deliberately avoiding eye contact with everyone else, all of them doing exactly the same thing. Instead a large, private square room with a clothing rail down one side and a mirror down the other. A much larger bank of mirrors was placed outside, of course, by the sofas, where you could have a three-hundred-sixty-degree view of yourself as you walked around, and where your guest could watch and give you feedback. In her case that meant Gabriel. She felt absurdly shy. It was ridiculous, she told herself. She’d known Gabe all her life practically. And anyway, it shouldn’t matter what he thought about how she looked; this was all aimed at Ed, after all. She shrugged out of her plain T-shirt and took the first item off the hanger.
Gabriel surreptitiously got out his smart-phone. Not entirely to check his emails, but also to avoid conversing with Amanda, who drifted back to him on a cloud of her own perfume every time she left Lucy to change into some new item. Attractive as she was, he had no time for a fling right now. Another assistant had briefly appeared and deposited a tray of sparkling wine and nibbles to one side of him.
He looked up at the swish of the curtain as Lucy walked self-consciously out into the centre of the mirrors. She was wearing a long black skirt and a flowing blouse over it with a busy floral print. He could tell just by looking at her that she liked it. Of course she did. It could have been from her own wardrobe.
Amanda was shaking her head. ‘Pretty, but it totally drowns your figure, there’s no definition there.’ She deftly grabbed a handful of blouse and held it against the small of Lucy’s back. ‘See how much better it would look if it was nipped in at the waist? I’d like to see you in something a bit more eye-catching, too.’
‘Amanda’s totally right,’ Gabriel piped up, and the stylist flushed with pleasure. Two birds with one stone, he congratulated himself. Look interested and keep Amanda on side at the same time.
There was a ratcheting sound as Amanda expertly flipped through the clothes on the rail. ‘Something a bit more tailored,’ she was saying. ‘You’re so tiny you just look swamped in these floaty designs.’
Lucy disappeared back behind the curtain. Gabriel absently flipped through an email about a case he’d just taken on. It looked as if it might be more complicated than he’d first thought, he’d better request some more information. Then, glancing briefly back up, he froze, the phone held aloft. When had Lucy got legs like that?
Lucy had a fragile silhouette, making a mockery of the fact that her life revolved around the creation of cakes and pastries. But rather than make her look skinny as loose clothes often did, the scarlet shirt she wore now clung in all the right places. The nipped-in cut showed off her tiny waist and with it she was wearing a pair of figure-hugging black cigarette pants. His mouth felt suddenly dry, as if it were full of sawdust, and he automatically took a swig of the very inferior sparkling wine.
‘Those trousers aren’t really Lucy’s style,’ he heard himself say. ‘Tell her, Lu, you run a bakery. That kind of thing isn’t practical.’
Both women totally ignored him. ‘Try them with these, Lucy,’ Amanda said. ‘More definition and height.’
Lucy stepped into the nude platform heels and he inadvertently pressed ‘Send’ on the email he’d only half written. The extra height from the shoes made her legs go on for ever. She was looking at him for approval and he floundered to get the words out.
‘Very nice,’ was the best he could manage.
‘Perhaps some evening wear next…’ Amanda said and held a gold satin dress up against Lucy. Even on its hanger he could see it fell a good three inches above the knee and his heart lurched involuntarily in his chest.
‘That’ll never work,’ he remarked.
Amanda turned to him in exasperation. ‘A bit more positive input wouldn’t go amiss, Gabriel. Know a lot about styling someone, do you?’
‘It’s all because he likes to go out with stereotypes, Amanda,’ Lucy said loudly, making sure Gabriel could hear her. ‘“Arm candy” is the phrase, I think. He likes his women to wear killer heels and fitted tops and skinny jeans, don’t you, Gabe?’ she teased him. ‘I’m the polar opposite of your type, aren’t I? How could I ever look good in something your exes would wear?’
She turned to Amanda. ‘I’m not really a woman in Gabriel’s eyes,’ she said. ‘More of a female-yet-one-of-the-lads hybrid.’
‘A ladette?’ Amanda grinned, glancing smugly at her own very satisfactory feminine reflection in the mirror behind Lucy’s.
‘Yes, a ladette! Exactly!’ Lucy laughed at him from across the room. ‘You’d no sooner put me in that dress than you would one of your rugby mates, eh, Gabe?’
‘Don’t be ridiculous. I just meant it’s… well… it’s different from the kind of thing you usually wear, that’s all.’ He struggled to justify himself.
‘That’s the whole point of a styling session —to push boundaries and try new things so you can emphasise your good points,’ Amanda pointed out knowledgably. He was beginning to actively dislike the woman. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt this uncomfortable in female company.
He was glad when the pair of them disappeared behind the curtain. He hadn’t counted on this. He’d expected Lucy to have a fun hour or so trying things on while he did a bit of work. He hadn’t banked on Amanda pushing clothes on her that his own girlfriends might wear. His Lucy most certainly did not look like girlfriend material in his head and she shouldn’t be looking like it in reality.
The curtain swished back again and she sashayed out towards him, her confidence growing before his eyes. The gold dress flowed against her skin and clung to her every contour. The mirrors made it worse—he could see her from every angle. He tugged at his collar, which suddenly felt unbearably tight, and beads of sweat broke out on his brow. Lucy had curves. She had a tiny waist and long, long legs, and skin that was the colour of double cream. She smiled at him, waiting for an opinion, and all he could feel was shock that she could look so grown-up, so… sexy. He felt a sudden rush of longing deep inside and his face must have given it away because a puzzled expression crossed her face.
‘What’s wrong? Don’t you like it?’
He looked at her face, her eyes wide. His mind whirled. He recognised this feeling of course; he had it all the time. Pretty much whenever an attractive woman came into his field of vision. He just wasn’t used to having it about Lucy. In his mind he had her very comfortably pigeonholed as Best Friend, and he’d known her for so long he realised he never even usually noticed how she looked. It seemed the wake-up call planned for Ed was working on him, too.
You’re jealous! The thought came from nowhere with the force of a sledgehammer, making him feel dizzy. This was just about Lucy getting married ruining their friendship, wasn’t it? Was it really? He mentally shook himself, noticing her crestfallen expression, and forced himself to speak.
‘You look beautiful, Lu. I love it.’
‘You had a weird look on your face.’
‘I guess I’m more used to seeing you in T-shirts and jeans.’
‘I think it would benefit from some good lingerie,’ Amanda interjected, holding up a beautiful black bra and knickers set, adorned with delicate silk and lace. ‘What size are you, Lucy?’
Gabriel almost choked on the foul sparkling wine. He had to get out of here. Now.
‘I have to, er, make a move,’ he blurted out suddenly, holding up his phone like an idiot. ‘Urgent. Work thing. Can’t be helped. Sorry.’ Aware he was now gabbling, he snatched up his jacket to create a diversion.
Lucy looked momentarily surprised, but, delighted as she was with her transformation, her attention was quickly diverted by the clothes Amanda was holding. She walked briefly over to him, the heels emphasising her legs even more. He fought to keep his eyes off them. ‘No problem, Gabe, I’ll call you later,’ she said. She flashed him an excited smile. ‘Thanks for organising this—you’re such a good mate!’ She looked up into his face for a moment and her smile faltered. ‘You know, you work too hard. You have dark shadows under your eyes.’ She ran a fingertip across his left cheekbone and he felt his skin prickle deliciously as if it might burst into flames at her touch. Her scent, something light and floral, enveloped him. He felt as if his senses were sharpened to a needle point, as if every nerve in his body were standing on end.
Amanda saw him to the lift, leaning in close enough to whisper in his ear. ‘Call me,’ she said, giving him an inviting smile. He was glad when the metal doors slid shut between them.
He left the store as fast as he could, relishing the fresh air on his burning face as he walked to the car. As he drove home he barely saw the road, barely noticed the other cars or people. One person filled his head. This was a whole different ball game. And he had no idea how he was supposed to play it.
CHAPTER FOUR (#ulink_6a8e0102-4e09-55b6-95d9-dbd62ca6a007)
‘SO YOU went clothes shopping with a woman, what, have you lost your mind?’
Gabriel slung a towel round his neck and took a swig from his water bottle. Playing a couple of games of squash with Joe, a work colleague, he intended to beat the tension out of himself with physical exertion. So far it wasn’t working.
He hadn’t been able to focus now for two days. Whenever he tried, his mind was invaded by Lucy: how she’d looked, how she smelled, how her skin felt when she held his arm. He couldn’t remember a woman making him feel like this since Alison, and even she was now beginning to become a blur. To his dismay it was beginning to dawn on him that the reason he didn’t want Lucy to get married had less to do with the impact on their friendship and more to do with the fact she was marrying someone else.
You want her for yourself, his mind whispered, and it seemed he was powerless to crush that thought. When he remembered Alison now his mind seemed to have sideslipped into comparison mode, where her smile was lovely but Lucy’s smile made every cell in his body tingle. Alison’s blonde hair had been silky and pretty but Lucy’s insane curls made him want to tangle his hands in them and never let go.
‘Not in the sense you think,’ he panted in reply. He leaned against the wall and towelled the sweat from his face. ‘She’s going to propose to her boyfriend. There’s some kind of leap year thing where women are supposed to be allowed to propose marriage instead of men. I was helping her pick some clothes out.’
To his surprise, Joe nodded. ‘My sister did it. She asked her husband to marry her eight years ago on February twenty-ninth. Poor guy didn’t stand a chance.’
Gabriel ran his hands distractedly through his hair. ‘Thing is, Lucy’s a friend. More of a sister really—we grew up together. But watching her showing off in these clothes… I never really noticed before just how stunning she is. Now I can’t stop thinking about her. And I’m meant to be helping her plan this proposal to the guy in less than two weeks’ time. Right now I feel like I want to knock his head off if he goes anywhere near her.’
Joe stared at him as if he were mad. ‘You are kidding me, right? You need to see the new girl in the office. That’ll soon get your mind back on track.’
Gabriel buried his face for a moment in the towel. He felt no spark of interest whatsoever in the new girl in the typing pool. But two weeks ago he would have already been dating her. He felt as if his life had been turned upside down.
‘Maybe you’re right,’ he said, more to placate Joe than anything. ‘I haven’t dated for a few weeks. Every waking moment’s been taken up with the Pryor case and this thing with Lucy.’
‘Course I am.’ Joe clapped him encouragingly on the shoulder as they walked back onto the court. ‘Get the proposal out of the way and things will get back to normal. She’ll have a wedding to plan and, trust me, you don’t want to get within a hundred miles of a woman doing that.’
Gabriel picked up his racket and smacked the squash ball with every ounce of strength he had. The thought of Lucy marrying Ed was beginning to make him feel ill.
‘Lucy, darling, you look as beautiful as ever. It’s so good to see you.’ Gabriel’s mother Elizabeth swept Lucy into a tight warm hug, and Lucy momentarily closed her eyes so as to soak up every drop of love in it. She thought for the hundredth time what a lovely person Elizabeth was and felt that age-old pang of childhood jealousy against Gabriel for having such a supportive close family when her own home life had been such a shambles.
‘These are for you.’ Lucy handed over the white cardboard box she had brought with her. Elizabeth lifted the lid and exclaimed delightedly at the sight of the cake selection inside. Billowing swirls of jewel-coloured meringue nestled alongside delicately decorated cupcakes.
‘Lucy, they’re marvellous. Although just one of them is more pudding than I normally eat in a week! You are kind. Gabriel’s told me all about how well you are doing. We love hearing about the shop—I’m so pleased it’s such a success.’
Lucy followed her as she led the way through the cool hallway to the large kitchen at the back of the manor. She met Gabriel’s eyes behind his mother’s back. He shrugged apologetically but she shook her head at him and smiled. She adored Elizabeth, and thought it was wonderful to have a mother to whom you could entrust all the tiny details of your life. Her own mother had been totally preoccupied by her own life and problems and Lucy had never been able to confide in her. The kitchen was warm from the Aga with a huge scrubbed wooden table and a kind-faced woman of about fifty preparing the lunch.
‘This is Angela,’ Elizabeth said. The woman turned from peeling vegetables at the sink and smiled at them. ‘Angela’s an absolute treasure,’ she confided to Lucy as they returned to the sitting room, having deposited the cakes in the kitchen. ‘Keeps the house perfect and cooks for us when we need her to. Like today. I’m more than capable of rustling up scrambled eggs for Gordon and myself, but it’s such a joy to have someone else cook the more demanding meals now.’
The lunch proved to be delicious, the multitasking Angela serving them all as effortlessly as she had apparently cooked the meal. Lucy realised she was having a wonderful time; she really did feel as if she’d come home. She supposed Gabe must feel like this every time he came—how lucky he was.
‘How are your parents, Lucy dear? Do you see much of them?’ Lucy felt a stab of embarrassment that Elizabeth knew what a nightmare her mother and father were.
‘Not really. Christmas and birthday cards, you know. The occasional phone call.’ Exactly the way she wanted it. She had total control now over her own life, the polar opposite to her awful childhood years. ‘My mother’s in Las Vegas now with her latest husband. Number three. And my father’s up in Birmingham. A friend of his offered him a job. Nothing like the work he did for you, of course.’
Elizabeth nodded politely.
‘Hospital porter, I think he is now,’ Lucy added vaguely. ‘It suits me, to be honest, that they’ve both moved away. I have my own life now and that’s the way I want it.’ She smiled at Elizabeth. ‘It’s lovely coming here, though. Reminds me of the fun Gabriel and I had as kids.’ She’d changed the subject swiftly and effortlessly. God knew she’d had enough practice at avoiding discussing her parents.
After lunch, Gabriel and his father had coffee in the drawing room, and Elizabeth asked Lucy to accompany her on a walk in the gardens. They strolled arm in arm.
‘It’s looking lovely.’ Lucy admired the beds and the well-kept lawn. She could almost see herself and Gabriel kicking the old football around here when they were little. There were some fantastic trees to climb on the estate too. She smiled to herself. She’d been such a tomboy.
‘How kind of you to say so, dear. I don’t do so much of it myself these days, of course. Gordon has a man come in a few times a week in the spring and summer. Keeps it up together. Less to do in the winter of course.’
They walked on in silence for a moment. Elizabeth seemed faintly tense and Lucy couldn’t help thinking she’d asked her to come for a walk deliberately so that they could talk privately. She had no idea why that might be.
‘Is something wrong?’ she asked curiously.
Elizabeth smiled at her. ‘Not especially, dear. I just wondered how Gabriel is. I know he tells us he’s fine but I can never really get any information out of him. I was hoping you could give me some insight. Do you think he’s happy?’ She sighed. ‘We don’t see as much of him as we’d like these days.’
Lucy looked at her in surprise. She’d always thought of Gabriel as very close to his parents.
‘Yes, of course he is. He’s done so brilliantly at work, you know. He’s ahead of his time. He’s quite well known in legal circles, I think. And he has an incredibly busy social life.’
Elizabeth didn’t miss the implication. ‘Still no one special, then.’ She sighed again. ‘I do worry about him so. When he lost Alison he was still very young. Young enough to start again. She was such a lovely girl, I knew it would take him some time to get over it. But he’s never even once brought a girlfriend to meet us since.’
Lucy patted her hand reassuringly, thinking that the word ‘lost’ just didn’t really cover it. It was Elizabeth’s shorthand for the fact that Gabriel’s first love, his college sweetheart, had died in a car accident the year after they left university. She knew he’d been devastated at the time. But as the years had passed he had never opened up about it beyond the bare facts, not even to her. Eventually he had stopped talking about it altogether and Lucy had taken her cue from him and avoided the subject like the plague for fear of upsetting him. Gabriel behaved as though Alison had never existed at all. Until you took a closer look and realised that he’d simply spent every relationship since making sure nothing like it could ever happen to him again. None of his girlfriends were ever allowed to get close enough for them to mean anything to him. Elizabeth was right: after ten years he really hadn’t moved on.
She did her best to be reassuring. ‘He’ll settle down one day, Elizabeth. I’m sure of it. He just seems… I don’t know… happy with the way things are at the moment.’
‘You know, Gordon and I always hoped you and he might end up…’ Elizabeth spoke wistfully, then quickly pulled herself up short.
Lucy jumped a little, as if she’d taken a whiff of smelling salts. She felt the heat of an unexpected blush creep slowly upwards from her collar and was momentarily flustered. A long-buried memory surfaced and she tried her best to push it back to the depths of her mind from where it had come. The very idea of her having a relationship with Gabriel should be laughable. She was sure Gabe would laugh out loud at the suggestion. She certainly shouldn’t be having this reaction. Heart rate increasing, temperature rising. She felt embarrassed and hoped fervently that Elizabeth wouldn’t pick up on how agitated she was.
The truth was there had been a time, long ago, when her feelings of friendship for Gabriel had become something more. Only in her mind, of course, never his. She pondered for a moment that you never realised the true value of something until it had gone. She had learned that when Gabriel left for university all those years ago. Up until then he’d been hers. Two years older. Protector. Brother. His mother had a dislike of boarding school, instead sending Gabe to a nearby prep school. Lucy, of course, had gone to the local primary school. Their education was a world apart, just like their houses, their parents, their backgrounds, but none of it had mattered to them. They had remained close despite and, she thought now, perhaps because of their differences. Each was everything the other needed. She had been an antidote to his stuffy school atmosphere and her sense of fun had brought him respite from the intense studying it had demanded. He had been her port in a storm. The rows and upheaval at home had gradually worsened through her teens and she’d found herself relying on him more and more. His reasoned thinking had encouraged her to consider the long term, to believe that it wouldn’t be like this for ever, stuck in a village in the middle of nowhere with her warring parents and no means of escape. One day she would have her own life and she would be free.
Gabriel had never been taken away from her until he’d accepted a place to study law at Oxford. Her initial delight for him had given way to a growing, gnawing dread as the day had approached when he would start his first term. She hadn’t realised how heavily she’d come to depend on him. She was used to barely a day going by without speaking to him.
She’d missed him painfully, dreadfully, and she’d imagined he must be feeling the same way. Her sense of embarrassment now was rooted in the memory of how in his absence he’d begun to take on more than just the role of friend in her mind. She’d begun to fantasise about them being together as a couple, falling in love, having a future together. On his brief weekend visits home his touch had begun to make her skin tingle and her heart had begun to race when he entered a room. Greedy for his time and attention, she’d hung on his every word.
‘I’m sorry, dear.’ Elizabeth spoke apologetically, bringing Lucy sharply back to the present. ‘It’s nothing to do with us, of course. It’s simply that, well, I remember the first time he met you, knocking on the front door, only about six you were, looking for your lost kitten. Gabriel must have been about nine. It was that really hot summer.’
She was relieved at the change of subject. This part of memory lane she could cope with. ‘Sooty,’ she remembered. ‘I was beside myself. We’d only just moved in and my mother had let him out before he’d had a chance to get used to the house.’
‘Gabriel spent the entire afternoon searching with you, until you found him, remember?’
‘He’d just got shut inside one of the outbuildings.’ She smiled at the memory. ‘I was frantic.’
‘All Gabriel wanted to do from that moment on was look after you and make you happy. I’ve watched him over the years and he’s never changed. You’ve always been so close, I suppose I hoped it might one day become more than just a friendship.’
‘We’re more like brother and sister really,’ Lucy said, firmly, for her own benefit as much as Elizabeth’s. She cuddled closer to the old lady. ‘I was always so jealous of him when I was little. I wanted to be part of your family, too. I was so happy up here at the big house. And he’s always been there for me. He’s never once let me down.’
Elizabeth smiled at her. ‘How is your young man, dear?’ she asked politely. Lucy felt a rush of sudden guilt. Her mind had been full of Gabriel and talking about their shared past had made her feel happy and nostalgic, but also unsettled. She could kick herself for feeling so girly and flustered at the suggestion of them ever being a couple. She hadn’t spared a thought for Ed all day. But that didn’t necessarily mean she was betraying him, did it? It was just this place, nothing more. Being here was bound to stir up her feelings. Her past here had been so turbulent, it would surely be strange if it didn’t evoke strong emotions.
‘Ed? He’s well, thank you.’ She felt a sudden desire to confide in Elizabeth, to affirm to her, and perhaps also to herself, that romantic thoughts in her head were linked only to him and not for a second to Gabriel. ‘Between you and me I was hoping we might settle down and get married, but he doesn’t seem to take the hint. Gabriel thinks he’s lazy and doesn’t do enough to look after me, but you know how overprotective he can be.’
Elizabeth sighed. She was quiet for a moment before saying, ‘Relationships, Lucy, good relationships, don’t come along by accident in my experience. You have to work at them. Both of you. One of you doing everything just isn’t enough—it has to be a partnership. Gordon and I have had our ups and downs—goodness, we’ve been married a long time now. But we’ve always pulled together. He’s a pain sometimes but I wouldn’t be without him, not for anything.’
Lucy grinned.
‘Only you can say if this Ed puts enough effort in. You make sure he’s the right one for you. You deserve nothing less.’
Shortly afterwards they returned to the house and Lucy was glad when she and Gabriel left for Bath. Talking to Elizabeth had stirred her mind up far too much for her to relax on the journey home. She sat in silence in the car next to Gabriel, the memory coming unbidden to her in all its clarity of the first time she’d met Alison, and her face flushed with mortification as she remembered the circumstances of that meeting.
If Gabriel had guessed how she was feeling after he left for uni, he never let on, just behaving the way he always did, full of news about his course, his new life and his new friends. Yet her delusions had grown until she’d believed herself to be in love with him. The brotherly hugs he gave her and the occasional holding of her hand she’d begun to construe as reciprocation of her fledgling feelings, and she would lay awake at night thinking about him.
She blushed as she remembered her behaviour. A typical stupid teenage crush, that was what it had been. And she’d come so close to Gabe finding out about it that the memory alone still made her heart hammer and her cheeks burn.
Shortly into Gabriel’s second term, his visits home began to dwindle and he was useless at keeping in touch. Lucy phoned him so often that she later realised she must have been becoming a pest. She recalled now that there were many occasions when his housemates had told her he was out. With the benefit of age and maturity she now saw that he was probably fed up with her constant contact and was trying, albeit gently, to avoid her.
Convinced Gabriel would feel the same about her if she could just see him and declare her feelings, she’d decided on impulse to visit him one day, when missing him had all become too much. She remembered gazing out of the window of the bus from the train station and thinking to herself how busy and vibrant Oxford seemed compared to the Cotswold villages she was used to. She remembered the butterflies in her stomach on the bus to his digs as the miles between them fell away…
She grinned as she climbed the steps to his front door, thinking how pleased he would be to see her. She was wearing a new sea-green top, which she knew brought out the colour of her eyes, and she ’d spent ages trying to get her hair to behave itself. But the broad smile she’d been unable to keep off her face dwindled as the door opened. Not Gabriel but a slender and impossibly pretty blonde girl.
The girl smiled kindly at Lucy. ‘Can I help you? ‘
Lucy craned to see behind her into the hallway. Maybe she’d got the wrong house. But before she had time to say anything Gabriel himself appeared. He came to the door and suddenly she felt light-headed. She didn’t look up into the gorgeous slate-grey eyes and walk into his embrace, the way she’d planned to all the way here. She couldn’t tear her eyes away from his arm, which slid easily around the blonde girl’s waist as he nestled close enough to her to enable him to see around the door.
‘Lucy!’ he exclaimed, in obvious surprise. She noticed he didn’t let go of the girl as he opened the door wider. Instead he slipped his hand into hers and they surveyed her together. Lucy felt her heart twist in her chest and she swallowed hard to stop the burning sensation that began at the back of her throat. She had to find a way out of this.
‘Surprise!’ she said on impulse, weakly shrugging her shoulders. She was agonisingly aware suddenly of how idiotic she must seem to Gabriel just turning up like this unannounced, like some runaway.
‘Lucy, this is a lovely surprise, but does your dad know you’re here?’ His unintended patronising concern made her face flame with humiliation. She was sixteen after all, not a child.
Before she could speak, he addressed the blonde girl. ‘Ali, this is Lucy.’ Lucy couldn’t seem to look away from the entwined hands. ‘I told you about her. Kind of like my baby sister from back home. ‘
Alison smiled at her. ‘Hi, Lucy,’ she said warmly. ‘It’s good to meet you. Gabriel’s mentioned you a few times. It’s nice to put a face to a name. ‘
A few times. Gabriel hadn’t been out of her thoughts for longer than a few minutes these past weeks, but he clearly hadn’t been dwelling on her in the same way.
She was snatched back from her thoughts of the past when Gabriel touched her hand briefly before replacing his on the steering wheel. ‘You’re quiet, Lu. Everything all right?’
‘Fine. I’m just tired.’ Her hand tingled at his touch and she stared down at it. Oh, what is happening here? She felt the blush creep up her face, as if Oxford had happened yesterday, and she was grateful that his attention was focused on the road so he wouldn’t notice. She remembered that she only managed to stomach an hour or so of seeing the two of them together. Alison was studying medicine and they both had rooms in the shared house. She could see they were besotted with each other. Lucy had been so full of excitement at seeing him, believing him to be unknowingly in love with her, expecting to fall into his arms as it all became clear to him. Well, she’d certainly found him in love, just not with her.
She’d managed to hold it together at the house but she’d sobbed her heart out all the way back to Gloucestershire on the bus and then the train. The only comfort she’d had was that she’d stopped short of making a fool of herself by exposing her feelings to him. His baby sister. It stung. She was so hurt and humiliated that her first instinct had been to avoid him completely. She stopped calling him after that. But she quickly realised how stupid she was to think she could cut him from her life. She needed him far too much for that.
So when he’d brought Alison back to the manor she hadn’t stayed away. It had crushed her to see how happy he was. It became clear that their relationship was not going to be over quickly. That it was a proper, adult relationship. Alison completed him in a way Lucy never had. They’d been all things to each other for so long and now she wasn’t enough for him any more. And she began to see with growing, frightening clarity that there could very easily be no place for her at all in all this. She was totally dispensable in the face of his perfect future with Alison. And under threat of losing him altogether, she’d made a decision. Better to keep him as a friend than to lose him completely from her life because of her own stupid pride.
And so it was that she had played the part of childhood best friend until it became no longer an act and was second nature to her. In the years since she had managed to convince herself that her behaviour had been nothing more than a ridiculous teenage crush, brought on by the sudden gap he had left in her life when he went to university, combined with the worsening hell that was her inescapable home life.
Since that awful moment at sixteen she’d never again allowed herself to consider Gabriel as more than a friend, a brother, but that apparently hadn’t stopped his parents doing just that. Thinking about it now made her feel suddenly hot, as if she’d walked into a sauna. Before she could stop herself she was trying the idea for size in her head. Her stomach fluttered and she covered it angrily with her hands. It had been a crush. Nothing more.
Then why did you blush when his mother mentioned it? She fought that thought with all her might. She couldn’t imagine a circumstance in which she would lay their friendship on the line. Gabriel was useless at relationships; they rarely lasted longer than a month. He just didn’t seem to have it in him since Alison died. Lucy’s talk today with his mother had highlighted that more strongly than ever. What if they got together and it didn’t work out? For the first time since she was sixteen she considered what it would be like to have a life without Gabe in it, and it shocked her to the core now as it had then. She would never allow that to happen.
‘Come on up.’
The moment the buzzer sounded as Lucy unlocked the outer door of her building, Gabriel shoved the door open and leapt up the stairs two at a time. The door of her flat was shut, which struck him as a little unusual because she usually left it ajar for him when she buzzed him up. The reason became clear when he gave it a brief double tap.
‘You can’t come in!’ a determined but high voice called out. It was followed by fumbling sounds as the door was opened and Lucy appeared in the gap with an apologetic expression.
‘Sorry, Gabe. This one thinks he’s Spiderman. I had to keep the door shut in case he wandered out looking for Dr Octopus.’
Opening the door wider, Gabriel saw a small figure dressed in a Spiderman costume standing behind Lucy, who was looking red and flustered. Her unruly hair was even more uncontrollably curly than ever. Unable to stop himself grinning, Gabriel knelt down to one knee so his eyes were level with the mask on the child’s face. A pair of alert brown eyes blinked at him through the eyeholes.
‘Hello, Spiderman,’ he said. ‘I’m Lucy’s friend, Gabriel.’ He held out his hand and the child shook it solemnly.
‘Shall we go into the living room?’ Lucy said impatiently from above them, and led the way without waiting for a response. ‘Steven, I’ll put your Fireman Sam DVD on.’ As Gabriel caught up with her she added over her shoulder, ‘Thank goodness you’ve arrived. Back-up at last!’
It was Monday night. The day after their lunch in Gloucestershire. Gabriel had taken advantage of the car journey home to organise yet another opportunity to spend time with Lucy. At this rate she and Ed would grow apart through lack of contact without his having to do or say anything at all. When Steven was settled in front of the television with a cup of milk, Gabriel joined Lucy in the kitchen. She made them each a mug of coffee and they watched Steven through the open door as he sat perfectly still, his attention focused on the TV screen.
‘He’s Sophie’s boy,’ Lucy said. ‘You know, she works part-time in the shop?’
Gabriel nodded, continuing to watch the child. ‘What’s he doing here?’
‘Sophie’s mum was rushed to hospital this afternoon with chest pains. I think there’s some kind of history of heart problems. Sophie is her only family, so I said I’d have Steven overnight while she’s at the hospital. He’s been here since six.’
‘Where’s Ed?’
She made an impatient noise and Gabriel glanced at her in surprise. ‘He made an early exit to go for extra football training. To be honest he looked pleased to be going. I don’t think the prospect of entertaining Steven was his idea of a good time.’ She ran a flustered hand through her hair. ‘It doesn’t matter what I say, he refuses to take the Spiderman suit off. He’s going to have to sleep in it at this rate.’
As they watched Steven lifted the mask off his face just enough to fit the rim of his cup of milk underneath it.
‘I mean, he’s only four,’ Lucy said, almost to herself. ‘How hard can it be?’
Gabriel burst out laughing. ‘For goodness’ sake, Lu, lighten up. Remember when we were kids and you practically lived in that tutu one summer? All kids like dressing up. Just let him get on with it.’
She looked at him crossly. ‘I don’t mean that, you idiot. I admit it’s a bit weird not seeing his face but I actually think the superhero outfit is quite cute. I mean he keeps asking me about his gran and I don’t know what to tell him.’ She lowered her voice. ‘I got the impression it was touch and go and I don’t want to give Steven false hope.’
She looked up at him worriedly and he put an arm around her and gave her a reassuring squeeze.
‘Don’t worry. It’ll be OK. We can sit with him together and I’ll distract him until bedtime. Then tomorrow Sophie can take over and talk to him.’
She smiled up at him, relieved, and he realised how happy it made him just to help her out with the slightest thing. It always had done, no matter how old they were. He felt protective of her in a way he never had about anyone else.
An hour later Lucy watched from the doorway, her empty coffee mug held against her chest unnoticed. She was totally absorbed by the sight of Gabriel playing with Steven and she couldn’t stop herself comparing it with Ed’s sharp disappearance when she’d told him Steven would be staying. It hadn’t occurred to him that she might need a hand, had it? But Gabriel hadn’t batted an eyelid. She realised, in all the years she’d known Gabe, she’d never watched him interact with children before. Not so surprising, she supposed. He was an only child like her, so there were no nieces or nephews to get involved with, and his friends were very much like him. Generally they were single sports-obsessed professionals with no fixed girlfriend. Yet to see him now you’d think Gabriel came into contact with four-year-olds every day of the week. She felt a tug at her heart and shook herself. She had deliberately banished those ridiculous feelings from yesterday’s lunch. It was just cold feet about making things permanent with Ed, that was all.
‘I’m not really just Lucy’s friend, Gabriel, you know,’ she heard him telling the child. ‘I just let Lucy think that—it’s part of my cover. I’m really Sonic Man. I can hear things that happen miles and miles away. That’s my super power, just like you can climb walls and spin webs.’
Lucy watched the small dark head looking up at Gabriel. ‘My nana’s in the hospital,’ she heard Steven say in a small voice. ‘She got taken away in an ambulance.’
‘I know she did,’ Gabriel said. ‘Lucy told me. Your nana’s very ill, Steven, but they’re going to do the best they can to make her better. And she’s in the best place she possibly could be. There are lots of brilliant doctors there. I’m sure your mum will call soon, so try not to worry, OK?’ He smiled at Steven. ‘Shall we ask Lucy for a biscuit before you go up to bed?’
Lucy stepped back from the door in the nick of time as Steven pelted through to the kitchen looking less agitated than he had done since he’d arrived. Gabriel followed him and she shot him a grateful smile over Steven’s head. He’d made more progress with the child in ten minutes than she’d made in three hours. Steven had refused to say anything to her about his grandmother, however hard she’d tried. She itched to talk to Gabriel about it but made herself wait until Steven was settled in bed. Steven insisted on Gabriel tucking him in, and she made more coffee while she waited for him.
She held one of the mugs out as Gabriel reentered the room. ‘Here you go, Sonic Man. I think you’ve earned it.’
Gabriel looked mildly embarrassed. He took the mug from her and sat down on the sofa. ‘You were listening,’ he said.
‘It was sweet,’ she insisted, smiling at him. ‘He’s a million times happier now. I know it might be bad news tomorrow but at least he’ll get a good night’s sleep.’ She took a sip of her drink, watching him over the rim of the mug. ‘I had no idea you were such a natural with kids.’
A pause. ‘Am I?’ he said lightly. ‘I really hadn’t given it a thought.’ He seemed to be avoiding meeting her eyes but she wasn’t going to be put off that easily. Their recent discussions about her own relationship had made her realise that they never discussed his. Well, she corrected herself, only in terms of her ribbing him about being a playboy and teasing him that he couldn’t remember the name of his latest conquest. He never ever talked about how he felt in relation to any of them. She couldn’t believe she’d been wondering whether she and Gabe could ever be a couple. Especially when she already had her relationship for life all worked out. Perhaps she should try and encourage him to find someone more permanent, too. As she was his best friend that should be her role, not this mad daydreaming about something that could never and should never happen.
‘Yes,’ she said pointedly. ‘You are. You’d make a great dad. Don’t you ever think about that? About settling down and having a family?’ She watched him closely for his reaction.
He stood up and made a move towards the kitchen. ‘Got any biscuits or cakes, Lu? I’m starving.’
‘In the cupboard behind the door,’ she called after him, and waited determinedly until he returned with a handful of biscuits.
He sat down again and ran a hand distractedly through his thick dark hair. ‘So, have you given any more thought to how you’re going to propose to Ed?’ He offered her one of his biscuits with a smile.
She flapped a dismissive hand at him. ‘Don’t change the subject,’ she said purposefully.
‘I’m not!’ he protested. ‘Wasn’t your proposal the whole reason for me coming over?’
‘Technically, yes, but since you’ve been relishing pulling my lovelife apart and sticking it under a microscope, I think I deserve to be allowed to question you for a change.’ She ignored his frown and carried on. ‘I want an answer. Where do you see your future? Do you want a family one day, or do you plan to just cruise on through life rudderless?’
Gabriel gave a cold little laugh. ‘I don’t want to talk about it, Lucy, so let’s just get back on task, shall we?’ His grey eyes, normally full of warmth for her, flashed dark and dangerous.
Lucy pretended not to notice how agitated he was becoming. His reluctance to talk only spurred her on. She knew, of course, why he was so on edge. She was skirting around the issue of Alison. But after talking to his mother she couldn’t help thinking it would be for his own good if Gabriel did open up about Alison and how he felt. After the embarrassment of that day in Oxford, she hadn’t permitted herself the easy luxury of disliking Alison. She couldn’t let herself feel jealous because that would be to admit that she cared. Alison had been a sweet and kind person and Lucy had genuinely liked her.
‘Don’t brush me off like that, Gabe.’ She leaned forward in her chair and grabbed his hand impulsively. He looked down at it, concealing his face from her so she couldn’t read any emotion. ‘Don’t you think it’s time you let go?’ she said gently.
He didn’t look up and his voice was mechanically neutral. ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about.’ He pulled his hand away from hers and she was suddenly left clutching fresh air. She looked down at her empty fingers and shook her head. No way was she letting this slide now.
‘Yes, you do,’ she said, firmly and deliberately.
He still didn’t look up.
‘You forget, Gabriel, that I knew Alison, too,’ she said softly, as much to herself as to him. ‘She was lovely, Gabe. Women can be really gossipy, you know, really catty sometimes. But not her. And she was never once bothered by me—do you remember that? All your new conquests can’t stand you having a female best mate, but Alison just saw me as someone to go shopping with, who she could moan to about your rugby obsession. I can understand why you were so devastated when she died, but do you really think she’d want this? You, the eternal bachelor, never moving on? The Alison I knew would have wanted more for you.’
She paused, wondering if she’d gone too far. God, Lucy, you never ask him about the girl for nigh on ten years and then put him on the spot. You’ll be lucky if he ever speaks to you again. Is that really what you wanted? For a moment there was silence in the room, and still Gabriel didn’t look up at her. He simply stared down at his glass of wine. But then, just as she was wondering if she really should let the subject drop after all, he spoke.
‘We talked sometimes about having kids,’ he said quietly, almost to himself. She had to strain to pick up on what he was saying because she couldn’t see his lips move. ‘She always used to say she wanted six. A tribe, she called it.’ He uttered a strangled laugh. ‘It sounded a good plan to me. I’d always wanted a big family.’
‘I never knew that,’ Lucy said gently, marvelling that she’d known him most of her life and yet he’d never mentioned it. And worse, she’d never thought to ask him. How shameful that was. ‘You never told me.’
‘Yeah, well, I didn’t want to do any of it without her so there wasn’t much point telling you, was there?’ he said quietly and glanced up at her for the first time since he’d started talking. His eyes were dry and his voice showed no sign of emotion. Lucy tried to put a finger on how he sounded. Empty. He sounded empty.
There was a long pause. Lucy forced herself not to speak, hoping that he would continue. He was looking down at his hands.
‘I didn’t want to do any of it without Alison,’ he said eventually. ‘Without her I’d rather not do it at all. I didn’t even want to think of having a family, being a husband or a dad, because she was always meant to be part of the deal.’
‘And do you still feel like that?’ Lucy asked him, biting her lip. For some reason the question seemed incredibly important to her. Out of concern for him, of course, she told herself. Certainly not for her own information. It had no real impact on her, after all. She was Gabe’s friend, nothing more.
‘I don’t let myself think about it, so I really wouldn’t know.’ He glanced up at her for the briefest moment and his expression was one of such suppressed sorrow that she felt her heart constrict inside her chest. Poor Gabriel. So strong and full of life but never really addressing the feelings at the centre of his soul. He’d put his grief in a box ten years ago and thrown away the key. What an absolute tragedy that after all this time he was no closer to moving on and putting what happened to Alison behind him than he had been at the time.
Lucy couldn’t bring herself to press him any harder. She decided to ease up, change the subject. But this is a breakthrough, she told herself. Just getting him to discuss it. She resolved to find a way to help him get over the past and be the complete person she knew he should be. That was what she should be doing, as his friend. That was where her role was in his life. She stood up.
‘Tell you what, I’ll put some more coffee on.’ She smiled at him supportively. ‘And then I’ll tell you the latest news from Planet Ed. Did I tell you he’s bought me Elvis Presley’s film collection? As if bombarding me with his music isn’t enough, he’s decided we can watch them back to back!’ She felt the tension in the room lift as Gabriel laughed. She could see he was relieved at the shift in subject. That was enough soul-searching for one night. But I’m going to bring it up again soon, she thought. This burial of emotion just wasn’t what she wanted for him.
Gabriel let himself into his house on autopilot three hours later. His mind swam. It was the first time he’d discussed Alison with anyone in at least eight years. During that time he’d built a new normality, he’d become so used to sidestepping conversations about her, to avoiding even thinking about her, that it had become second nature.
This evening all that had changed. He felt… he struggled to find the correct word… exposed was the closest he could get to it. Laid bare. And the person who’d enabled that to happen was the person he was already confused about beyond all reason.
Turning on the lights, he walked purposefully through his sitting room, straight to the desk in the far corner. Opening one of the deep drawers, he rummaged inside it until he found what he was after. He drew out a small book, its slightly rough burgundy cover interrupted by a single word embossed in cream. ‘Photos.’
Not allowing himself to pause, he sat down on the nearest chair and rested his fingertips against the cover for a few moments, steeling himself. It had to be six years at least since he’d opened this book. He knew so well what was inside it but he’d deliberately cut those images from his mind. That was why he’d hidden the book away. He didn’t want or need tangible reminders of the past; he had enough of a battle keeping the memories inside his head at bay. He gripped the book tighter for a moment, forcing himself to recognise that hiding these reminders from himself was not a healthy way to live.
With a small intake of breath he opened the book and stared down at the first picture before him. A smile touched his lips. Alison with her pale blonde hair smiled back. No tears came to his eyes, no lump constricted his throat. He’d shed all his tears the first year or two after she’d gone. Night after night when sleep refused to give him respite and he was totally immersed in his grief. Now, looking down at the picture, he realised that he had moved on in a sense. Not that Lucy would agree, he thought wryly. She seemed to believe that serial dating was symptomatic of long-term grief, but she was wrong. He wasn’t stuck grieving; he knew that. He’d chosen not to get involved with anyone since because he didn’t want to go back to that period of dreadful loss. Not ever again. But the touch of Lucy’s hand tonight, the rush of excitement he’d felt when she’d curled her arms around him and kissed him goodbye on the cheek, made him consider for the first time that maybe in denying that closeness with someone he was only living half a life.
For the last ten years his main thought when he met an attractive woman was how many dates it would take to get her into bed. Now perhaps he could begin to contemplate that there could be more to it than that. The only problem was that his inclination to get any closer than that seemed to be conditional on the particular woman he was thinking of. And ever since he’d taken Lucy shopping there had been no one else for him.
He closed the photo album. Was it possible that he’d had feelings for Lucy even before her recent talk of marriage plans? Perhaps. He just hadn’t had any reason to give them any credence before. Why should he, when he already had her friendship without having to take the scary step forward to make it into anything more? Why try to fix something that wasn’t broken? But now… Now he wasn’t sure if her friendship was enough. And that one thing, he supposed, was the strongest indication that he was ready to move on and put the past behind him. Properly behind him, this time. As a gesture to himself, he deliberately didn’t rebury the book in the drawer he never looked inside. Instead he left it on top of the desk, where he could see it any time. Where he would see it, often.
He lay awake into the night knowing that Lucy belonged to someone else. All those things she’d said to him, about moving on, finding someone new and having the family he’d chosen to forget he wanted. She meant finding some other girl. Not her. She already had her happy ever after sorted. And after all this time, was he capable of sustaining a proper long-term relationship? Was it a skill that you had to relearn or did it just come back to you, like swimming or driving? His mind swam with confused feelings. He wasn’t about to chance his friendship with Lucy by telling her how he felt. Not when he wasn’t even sure himself. And definitely not when their friendship might be the biggest casualty if it all went wrong. Turning over in bed, he resolved to keep his feelings well and truly to himself. Maybe if he did that and kept Lucy at arm’s length, these new feelings for her would pass. If he could keep some distance between them until her betrothal to Ed was a done deal, he knew he would never compromise her future and maybe then he could finally move forward properly.
CHAPTER FIVE (#ulink_561a3fc0-6a4e-5d12-a1fd-5b2f14c9f93e)
GABRIEL did a very efficient job of avoiding Lucy for the next couple of days. This was no mean feat based on the fact that Ed seemed to be paying her more attention. Determined to bury her growing feelings for Gabriel and spurred on by the fact that their plan seemed to be working, she was eager to talk to him about the proposal night and in her usual impatient way bombarded him with phone calls trying to arrange just that.
Eventually, with every moment he spent away from her making him more determined to keep out of her way, he’d even begun to convince himself that his new attraction to her was no more than the result of an off-day. It was the shopping trip, he told himself. He’d just been wrong-footed by being forced to focus on her appearance when he’d never had reason to do that before. Hell, as a kid he’d seen her eating mud, hair all over the place, and as an adult staying with him he’d seen her at her worst. That time she’d drunk too much red wine and had spent the night on the bathroom floor throwing up. She’d looked like death the next morning. No, he told himself, he could brush any mad feelings aside. She was still the same old Lucy, no regard for what time of day it was or whether she was disturbing him, simply ringing him when it suited her.
He picked up the phone one morning at eight, believing she would be too tied up at the bakery to call then, so he would be safe. His heart gave an involuntary lurch as he heard her voice.
‘Gabe, anyone would think you’ve been trying to avoid me. Either that or you should sack your secretary. I’ve left getting on for half a dozen messages for you.’
He covered the receiver with his hand and took a deep breath. ‘Yeah, yeah.’ He made a huge effort to sound normal. ‘I’m sorry. I’ve been wrapped up in a case, some major hitches, been in constant meetings. I have meant to ring.’ Plausible vague lies, exactly what the situation needed. It seemed to work because she didn’t appear to have heard him, instead sweeping on with her own stream of consciousness in her usual impatient way.
‘Well, never mind. I’ve got hold of you now. It’s Ed!’ She couldn’t keep the excitement out of her voice.
‘What about Ed?’ Walked out? Decided to become a monk? Sadly no.
‘The clothes are working! He noticed my new heels right away.’
He grinned ruefully into the phone. ‘Told you.’
‘And I keep catching him stealing sneaky glances at me when he thinks I’m not looking. He’s much more touchy-feely than usual, too. You’re a genius! I should market you to women everywhere!’
Gabe felt a stabbing pain somewhere deep in his gut, not unlike a punch. Miserably he realised this was what jealousy must feel like. It wasn’t an emotion he was used to. The women he dated never evoked enough interest for him to be bothered if another man came along. His mind spun. It wasn’t just a blip, then. Something he could talk himself out of by using willpower. There really had been a shift in his feelings for her. He rubbed his temples with his thumb and forefinger. Problem was, how the hell did he shift them back to where they were supposed to be? Because it was obvious that Lucy didn’t feel the same way. And why should she? He was just good old Gabriel, brother-figure, who was currently masterminding her happy ever after with another guy and who’d apparently just kick-started her relationship.
Wanting to get the conversation over with as quickly as he could, he was uncharacteristically abrupt with her. ‘Lucy, I’ve really got to be somewhere, so can we do this later?’
‘I’m sorry! I always forget how busy you are. I think of you as my personal property.’
He felt a surge of happiness at this remark followed swiftly by despair. What the hell was he going to do?
‘I just wanted to organise getting together,’ she said. ‘You know, to talk through my proposal. I’ve got loads of ideas. Maybe we could make it a lunchtime, though, because Ed’s been talking about taking me out to dinner.’
What, every night? he wanted to snarl at her. He shook his head briefly to try and clear it. ‘Are you sure you really need me, Lucy? I mean, you sound like you’re doing great on your own.’
‘Of course I need you.’ She sounded puzzled and hurt and he experienced a jolt of guilt. ‘I need your views, Gabe. You’ve helped loads already. I know I haven’t been exactly positive about some of your observations, but you know that’s just my way. I’ve taken everything you’ve said on board.’ Then she added cynically, ‘Or are you just too busy for friends? Is that it?’
He pulled himself together with a stupendous effort. He was used to his emotions being pretty constant, not this swinging between jealousy, anger and misery. If love was this much grief, he decided he had been thoroughly justified in choosing to give it a miss all this time.
‘Don’t be silly,’ he said, as lightly as he could. ‘Like I said, it’s just been busy.’ He realised he couldn’t avoid seeing her. His only hope was to carry on as normal and hope these feelings would just wear off. In fact seeing her might help. Maybe he was building the whole thing up in his mind. ‘How about tomorrow?’ he suggested. ‘I’ll meet you at Smith’s for a sandwich.’
‘Great. Can you make it about two?’
He gritted his teeth in exasperation. ‘Do you always have to eat so late? Can’t you have lunch at twelve or one like normal people?’
‘I can’t help it,’ she countered. ‘Twelve until one is our busiest time at the shop. We need more than one person to make it run properly. If we make it two, I can leave Sophie in charge and not have to rush back.’
‘OK, OK, two it is.’ There was no point arguing with her.
He replaced the receiver with a feeling of trepidation.
Lucy put the phone down feeling reassured. Her feelings were focused exactly where they should be. It was just a simple matter of keeping your mind in the right place. She’d made a stand to herself by telling Gabriel in no uncertain terms how wonderfully her relationship plans were going. After all, she reasoned, if she focused enough on Ed there wouldn’t be time for feelings for anyone else to develop, especially stupid feelings for Gabriel, which could never come to anything. Things with Ed really did seem to have been boosted. Surely that was a good sign. She could make Ed sit up and take notice after two years and that had to stand them in good stead for the future. She could even look at these irrational feelings for Gabriel as a test of her love for Ed. If she could get over this then nothing could shake them once they were committed.
She ignored the small voice inside that told her she was just scared of change. Understandable really after the shifting sand of her childhood. Scared of losing Ed and the secure life she’d built with them both in it, where she knew when she went to sleep what would happen when she woke up again. If she wasn’t deliriously in love with him, she certainly loved him for the life and stability they had together. Her mother had loved her father with desperate passion and look where it had got her. No, she was certain. Love that lasted was built on a lot more than lust. And she needed Gabriel as a friend to talk to and lean on in times of trouble. Mess with that, Lucy, the voice said, and everything teeters on the precipice. Follow these mad feelings and end up losing Ed, and then after three weeks, or maybe a month if you’re lucky, commitment phobic Gabe will be just about ready to quit, and you can lose him, too. Because it would never be the same between her and Gabriel again—that was the one thing she knew beyond question. That kind of elephant never left the room.
Plus the fact, she reassured herself, Gabe showed no more sign of reciprocating her feelings now than he had when he was eighteen, so she would most likely make a fool of herself as well. He obviously hadn’t given her a second thought this week—she’d had to practically stalk him to get a phone conversation. The best way to put this whole mess behind her would be to direct all her energy at Ed, who she knew loved her and wanted to be with her and who was showing loads more enthusiasm for their relationship than he had in months. She should be making the most of that. Once he’d said yes and they were engaged, everything would be fine, she was sure of it.
It was a perfect winter’s day as she walked through the streets from her shop to meet Gabriel at Smith’s. This was a quaint little coffee shop in one of the side streets just off the main city centre. She and Gabriel met there often because it was roughly halfway between his office and her shop. The cakes and pastries were always delicious, and Lucy always enjoyed comparing them to those she made in her own bakery. She always judged coffee shops and restaurants by their food; she couldn’t seem to stop herself. A dry Danish pastry or a soggy eclair had the instant ability to turn her off an establishment for good. The sun was shining as she walked and the air was crisp and clear. It reminded Lucy of the last day like that, when she’d had lunch at Gabriel’s parents’ house. She thought of them fondly. Any nostalgia she might have about her childhood had them and their home wrapped up in it.
She wondered sometimes how much further and how much more she might have achieved in life if she’d had an upbringing that hadn’t demanded she dive headlong into adult responsibility while she was still in reality just a child. But then on the other hand she was so proud of how far she had come. The fact she’d done it in spite of all that her parents had thrown at her made her achievements all the sweeter.
She allowed herself to think of her parents for a moment. She’d found them creeping into her thoughts more and more frequently these past few days. They had never married, despite the fact it was still really the done thing when she was a child. When things were good and they were getting on sometimes they would talk about it. She remembered her mother even looking at booking the ceremony once and she had been beside herself with excitement. But it never came to anything. It was just forgotten about, never mentioned again. All her schoolfriends had married parents and she had longed to be the same as them. In her child’s mind she had built it up to be the answer to all their problems. If only her parents were married they would get along properly and be happy. The fights would stop. Of course as an adult now she knew that wasn’t the way things worked. But she still saw marriage as a magical, wonderful thing, a way of cementing a stable relationship. In her mind she knew this wasn’t rational, but all the same she had always known she wanted to be married and have a family of her own one day.
She checked her watch and grinned to herself. Late again. Luckily for her she knew Gabriel well enough by now to simply factor in his lousy timekeeping. She didn’t expect him for half an hour after the time agreed. As it was, today he arrived only twenty minutes late, looking tired and a little harassed, she thought, but impeccably dressed as ever in a beautifully cut dark blue suit that made his grey-blue eyes seem more intense than ever. He pulled up a chair next to her.
‘Do you want anything to eat?’ She picked up the menu and scanned it.
He shook his head. ‘I’ve already eaten, like the rest of the human race. Lunchtime for me was an hour and a half ago.’ She wasn’t used to him being short with her and she looked at him, puzzled. Had she done something to upset him? As she looked he checked his watch.
‘Are you in a rush, Gabe?’
He looked up at her distractedly. ‘No, why?’
‘No reason,’ she said, with a hint of irritation. ‘Except that you’ve only just arrived for our lunch date, but you aren’t actually planning to eat anything and now you’re acting like you need to leave again.’
As she watched him he seemed to shake himself out of his mood and he smiled at her apologetically. ‘Sorry. It’s been a bit of a manic week.’
She smiled a little. ‘It’s OK. You don’t seem yourself at the moment. I guess this case is taking it out of you.’
He nodded and that feeling of confusion increased. Her conversations with Gabe were never normally stilted like this. Their usual affectionate bickering was a world away from this distracted style of talking. They were interrupted by the waitress, who took their order, Gabriel pointedly asking only for coffee as she defiantly chose a sandwich with side salad. Silence ensued again when the girl left.
‘Right, then,’ she said, a little uncertainly, when he didn’t speak. ‘Let me tell you my plans for proposing to Ed. I need you to be totally honest. Don’t spare my feelings.’
He gave an odd little half-smile. ‘Are you sure you want my total honesty?’
‘Of course.’
‘Go on, then.’
He was behaving really strangely. She wondered whether she should just scrap the planned discussion and pester him into talking about whatever was bothering him. After the way he had opened up the other night about Alison, she was tempted to try. But in a public place like this she didn’t think he would thank her for digging into his thoughts again. If he didn’t want to talk he had a stubborn streak that meant he would first clam up and then get angry. Plus the fact she was determined to keep the whole conversation centred on Ed and lock Gabriel well and truly into the role of supportive friend. She had her own agenda here and the best thing to do was surely press on and not to be diverted.
‘OK.’ She fished a notebook out of her handbag and ignored his raised eyebrows. Before he had the chance to mock the fact that she had actually put something in writing she began skimming her notes. ‘Here’s what I’m thinking. Book out our favourite restaurant—you know, the Italian place on the square?’
She glanced up at him. He pulled a dubious face but didn’t comment.
‘Ask all our best friends to come along and get there before us. You’d be invited of course—I’d need you there as moral support.’ She tapped him pointedly on the arm with her pen. ‘Then we arrive at the prearranged time.’ Her voice got louder as she warmed to her subject and several people in the café glanced over. She ignored them. ‘Of course, he’ll realise all his mates are there and wonder what’s going on, and I’ll get down on one knee and ask him to marry me. Then we can all have a big celebratory meal and have a fantastic evening! What do you think? Does that work from a male point of view? I thought including our friends would be a good move.’
As she spoke his facial expression had become more and more sceptical, but she refused to be silenced and rushed on with her usual enthusiasm. Still, by the end of her description she had to admit she’d been hoping for a bit more encouragement than this, and to be honest it was taking the wind out of her sails a bit.
‘OK, you said you wanted me to be honest and I’ll tell you what I think,’ he told her. ‘Just about everything that could be wrong in that scenario, is.’
She looked at him with barely concealed annoyance. ‘Why?’
Gabriel sat back and folded his arms. ‘Firstly, inviting all his mates along is the worst thing you could do. Basically what you’re doing is embarrassing him. No guy wants to be put on the spot like that. You have to realise you’re taking over his role by doing this. Taking over the male role. He will for ever be ribbed by his mates about being under the thumb. Your thumb, to be specific. Trust me, even if your girlfriend is in charge, you want the world to think that you are. It’s an unwritten rule.’
There seemed to be a whole book of unwritten rules by which the average man lived, according to Gabriel.
‘So go on, then, enlighten me,’ she said sarcastically. ‘What does your average guy want?’
‘Well, he wants to feel like he’s the one in charge. He chooses when he makes you his wife and he chooses how he does that.’ He leaned in conspiratorially as if imparting a great secret, as if he might suddenly be lynched by a gang of average men if he were overheard handing over this information to the other side. ‘You’re messing with the natural order of things here, Lucy, and you need to tread carefully.’
She bit her tongue as the waitress appeared with their order. As soon as they were alone again she leaned in towards him. ‘The natural order of things? I’m talking about proposing to my boyfriend, not time travel, for goodness’ sake.’
‘I just meant you need to do it in such a way as it makes him feel like he’s got the upper hand.’
‘You mean, make him think it was his idea all along.’
‘Exactly.’
‘Well, how the hell is that possible when the words “will you marry me?” are going to be coming out of my mouth and not his?’
‘Your approach needs to be different. Submissive. As if you’re asking him an enormous favour. You could include that in the words you choose. Maybe say something like, “I would be honoured if you would consider being my husband” or “I feel my life is worth nothing without you.”’
Lucy stuck two fingers in her mouth and made vomiting sounds.
Gabriel raised an impatient eyebrow and looked at her as if she were a naughty toddler. ‘A little class would be good,’ he remarked. ‘I don’t suggest you take this attitude with him or all you’ll end up with is a resounding “no”.’
She sighed and rubbed the corners of her eyes wearily with a thumb and forefinger. ‘I don’t know, Gabe. I’m not sure I want to be his doormat just to get him to agree to marry me. I was thinking he would be delighted to be asked and see it as a massive compliment, not some challenge to his manhood.’
‘That’s because you’re a woman and that’s how you’d feel if he proposed to you. Men don’t think like you do. How many times do I have to tell you?’
She decided to shift the subject a little. ‘OK, well, let’s come back to the exact wording of the thing. What about the location? Are you saying it’s fine to invite everyone who knows us as long as I portray myself in the subservient role, caveman style, or am I just better off asking him when it’s just the two of us?’
‘Much as I would be sorry not to witness you playing the role of submissive cavewoman to Ed’s captain caveman, you’ll have far more chance of success if you ask him on his own. If you invite along those Neanderthal football mates that I met, you’ll definitely shoot yourself in the foot. All you’ll achieve is to make him feel pushed into a corner. He can’t say no to you because a) he can’t be seen to be so cruel in public and b) he won’t want to scupper what you’ve set up to be a massive party.’
She shook her head. ‘But that’s good, isn’t it? He will be forced to say yes.’
‘But for all the wrong reasons. If you push him into it you are just as likely for him to backpedal the moment the party’s over. At best he might resent you for putting him on the spot and that’s hardly the best start for a marriage made in heaven, is it?’
She sighed. ‘I suppose not.’ She sipped her coffee moodily. ‘Give me the perfect scenario, then, Einstein, and I’ll try and work with that.’
A frown crossed his face and she saw him rearrange his features to hide it. It was so brief that she almost missed it. She couldn’t place what it meant, but then apparently it meant nothing because he carried on as before.
‘To maximise your chances of a yes, if you’re asking the average man to marry you, you need to look hot as hell and you need to do it somewhere quiet without friends or family present, and last but not least you need to do it before you have sex. Definitely not afterwards.’
Lucy almost choked on her coffee. At the mention of sex from Gabe when she felt so mixed up about him she felt a blush creep up slowly from her neck and fought it with all her might. She took a bite of her sandwich to buy time and steady herself, looking down in the hope that the blush would subside and he wouldn’t notice. When she felt able she spoke in what she hoped was her normal voice.
‘Just as a matter of interest, why not afterwards?’ she ventured. ‘I would have thought that was the perfect time to do it. When you’re all loved up and everything’s wonderful.’
Gabriel patted her hand sympathetically and she felt as if electric shocks raced through her fingers at his touch. The thought struck her abruptly that she wasn’t sure she could remember a time when she’d jumped like that at Ed’s touch, even when they’d first met. She tried to concentrate hard on the conversation.
‘Like I keep saying, Lu, you need to start thinking like a man. Before you’ve had sex you hold all the cards, you have the power, he’ll hang on your every word. Afterwards, if you manage to get him to stay awake, anything you say will seem less important to him than going to sleep. It’s basic biology.’
Lucy made a disgusted face. ‘You lot are emotionally backward,’ she complained.
Gabriel laughed out loud. ‘We’re just different, that’s all. If men thought the same way as women Ed would have asked you to marry him months ago. Don’t you think that makes life seem dull?’
‘No! I think it makes perfect sense!’
Gabriel looked at his watch again and she felt her temper slip a notch.
‘Gabe, what is your problem? You seem to be desperate to avoid me at the moment and it’s getting on my nerves. Is it too much to ask for you to focus for half an hour on one conversation with me?’
He didn’t quite meet her eyes. ‘Just busy, you know,’ he said vaguely. ‘I need to make a move.’ He made as if to stand up, then for some reason he clearly thought better of it and sat back down. He looked flustered and uncomfortable and she was on the brink of asking him why when he leaned in unexpectedly and covered her hand with his. Her heart leapt involuntarily inside her chest and her pulse increased.
‘Lucy, I really think you should reconsider all this, you know,’ he said urgently. Her mouth felt suddenly as dry as sandpaper. Just what was he going to say?
‘What do you mean?’ She tried her best to keep her voice calm, although she felt oddly as if she might start shaking at any moment.
‘I’m your friend, Lucy. I’m going to be totally honest with you. You might not like it but I can’t help that.’
Her heartbeat seemed to be getting louder. She could hear it inside her head.
He looked into her eyes. ‘I think you want to get married and settle down because you didn’t have a settled childhood. You want to build your own little happy ever after. The fact that you’re surrounded by Ed’s mates in a social circle all playing happy families makes you want it even more. I can understand that, but I think you need to be sure it’s what you really want, for the right reasons.’
She looked at him, puzzled. Whatever she’d expected him to say, it wasn’t this. ‘What exactly are you suggesting?’
He took a deep breath. ‘I think you should talk to your parents.’
The words fell on her like rocks. She stood up before she even knew that was what she was going to do. Her chair fell backwards with a clatter at the force of her movement. How could he? How hard it had been to start again without them. After the years she’d spent cutting them painfully out of her life. Managing by herself. And he’d been there through all that. All the times he’d backed her up, given her strength in her conviction that it was the right thing to do, that they would hold her back and drag her back down and that she could make a life for herself, she really could. She was suffused by confusion and cold anger.
She wiped her lips with a trembling hand. ‘I can’t believe you are suggesting I actually talk to them about this. My mother the three-times-wed, most irresponsible, self-centred woman in the universe. My father the lush. Just what the hell makes you think either of them is qualified to advise me on how to successfully live my life?’
‘I’m not saying they are. It just seems to me you’re so hung up on this dream of two-point-four kids and a dog that you’re losing sight of the fact that that doesn’t automatically make you happy. This is because of your parents—any amateur psychologist could see that.’
‘Even if it is, why is that so wrong? With a childhood like mine I certainly know what I’m not going to do and that’s pretty much everything they did!’ Her temper was completely out of control now and she was distantly aware that she was shouting.
Gabriel kept his voice calm and soothing, but to her it just sounded patronising. ‘Lu, you had no security as a kid. That’s why you’re craving it now.’ He opened his mouth to continue but she cut him off.
‘You’ve obviously taken temporary leave of your senses,’ she snapped. She snatched her bag from the floor and then rounded on him. ‘I asked for your help, Gabriel. Your help. All I wanted was some pointers on what might make a guy tick, some ideas on how I might propose in a fun way that Ed would like. I didn’t ask for a critique of my life as I know it and I certainly didn’t expect the suggestion that I undo all the changes I’ve made for the better. After everything they put me through. And everything I’ve done to put it right. You’re meant to be my friend. Some friend!’
‘Lucy…’ His voice was shocked but she ignored it and turned to walk towards the door, leaving him standing at the table looking after her. ‘Lucy, wait!’
She turned back towards him, oblivious to the interested stares from the other customers and the silence that had fallen as they turned to watch and listen. ‘Just stay away from me!’
The door slammed behind her as she stormed from the café.
CHAPTER SIX (#ulink_db553118-cb5a-5ede-b231-20a40898941b)
LUCY ignored the ringing telephone and took another batch of cupcakes out of the oven. The little kitchen in her flat was filled with the sweet smell of baking and cooking utensils were balanced on every available surface. Her hair was in an untidy bun on top of her head and the front of her T-shirt was dusted with flour because she couldn’t be bothered to put on an apron. A couple of hours since her argument with Gabriel and at last she felt calm and focused. Cooking always did that for her. If she ever needed to think something over she gravitated to the kitchen. A lucky side-effect of her anger seemed to be heightened creativity. Some of her best cake creations had resulted from the most stressful moments in her life.
She glanced up as her mobile phone beeped and vibrated loudly on the counter with a text message, and she leaned across to turn it off with a jam-covered finger. She didn’t even need to look at it to know it was Gabriel. He had never been able to stand it for long when they had an argument. She, on the other hand, preferred to keep her distance until she calmed down, and depending on the subject of the argument that could be anything from a few hours to a few days.
What he’d said about her parents had really touched a nerve. Her denial that they had anything to do with her desire to settle down was genuine. After all, she hadn’t really interacted with either of them for years now. It hurt, too, that this had come from Gabriel, on whom she had always relied for justification of her actions.
She dripped red food colouring into a bowl of white icing and began to beat it with a wooden spoon. It streaked a lovely shade of pink. She wasn’t an idiot. She’d always known she wanted a proper settled family one day. Her childhood had been so difficult it would be some kind of miracle if it hadn’t shaped the person she was now. It wasn’t so much this that bothered her as Gabriel’s implication that what had happened years ago was the only reason for a decision she was making now. That getting married was the wrong thing for her to do but that she was incapable of seeing it. Why would he say that? Why was he being so horrible, seeming to try everything in his power to put her off the idea?
She began to deftly spread the icing over some heart-shaped shortbreads. Her childhood did affect her decision because it had contributed to who she was. But the reasons she wanted to get married now were present-day reasons, not past ones. Her age, for example. She knew she wanted children and she was nearly thirty. She wanted to get started on that sooner, not later, and she also knew she wanted to be married beforehand. Her work, her financial security—the business had really gained a foothold now; it was doing exceptionally well, far exceeding her expectations. And of course her relationship. She had been happy with Ed for a good length of time now. She knew his bad habits and she knew she could live with them. He wasn’t Mr Perfect, but she honestly believed he was Mr Perfect For Her. He was fundamentally a good man, he was good to her and, very importantly, he supported her business ambitions wholeheartedly, even when she was having success and he was putting up with setbacks. She was just ready to take the next step; it was that simple.
But do you love him, Lucy? Really love him? Yes, she told herself, firmly. That wasn’t up for debate. She squashed the nagging little voice that reminded her she didn’t feel the same depth of passion for Ed as she once had for Gabriel. She was just a kid back then. She knew now there were different kinds of love, and the kind she needed for the life she wanted was the reliable, constant kind, wasn’t it? She refused to let her mind explore what alternative to that there might be.
Yet however hard she tried to stop it her mind kept slipping back to what Gabriel had said. She was unable to brush it aside, put it out of her mind. She worried at it, picked at it. She liked to think she was fully in control of her life now. She was in the driving seat, no one else. If that’s true, then why not talk to your parents and test it? The idea made her heart beat faster and her palms feel clammy, classic signs of nervousness. Slamming the empty icing bowl into the already-full sink, she finally made the decision that had been lurking at the back of her mind for hours now. The only way to prove to herself that she was really and truly her own person, to prove Gabriel wrong, was to talk to one of them. It would have to be her father, she supposed. She had no idea where her mother was except that it was somewhere in Las Vegas. She had her father’s address stashed somewhere and Birmingham was only a few hours away. There was nothing else for it if she was to put the niggling doubts Gabriel had planted behind her.
Gabriel made himself put the telephone down. He’d left three messages now and had sent a couple of texts. She would speak to him when she was ready. She always did. But he couldn’t shake the nagging feeling that he’d gone too far this time. He’d gone to meet her intent on encouraging her to follow her plans to settle down with Ed. To play the supportive best friend, just as he always did. Certainly not to betray his true feelings for her. But watching her talking about how she could do her best to persuade another guy to marry her had gradually, minute by minute, become unbearable. Ed took her for granted and patently didn’t deserve her. If he did he would have married her ages ago.
Gabriel sighed miserably. He’d lost control. There was no other way to describe it. He’d wanted to try and talk her out of it, question her love for Ed, persuade her she was making a mistake, but he hadn’t quite dared. He was too afraid of what she might say, that it would be something he didn’t want to hear. And so instead he’d hit her below the belt. He had mentioned her parents for no other reason than to selfishly put a damp cloth over her excitement at the prospect of proposing. In doing so he hadn’t considered for a second how she might feel about him throwing her family into the mix. He could kick himself. He’d been there throughout her childhood. He’d dried her tears when she’d run to the manor house to escape the rows. He’d dressed the cuts on her hand that time when she’d hurt herself cleaning up a broken bottle after one of the more physical arguments. She’d been just a kid at the time. What the hell had he been thinking dragging all that back up for her again?
He desperately wanted to go to her and apologise, make things right. But knowing her as well as he did, he knew there was no point trying to force her to talk until she was ready. He had to go to an important client meeting but he found it impossible to follow properly what was said. His mind was consumed by Lucy.
‘Would you mind waiting? I won’t be long.’ Lucy leaned forward and spoke to the taxi driver before climbing out of the cab. She surveyed the house on the opposite side of the street. A tiny nondescript terrace in a nondescript street. She briefly checked the slip of paper in her hand. This was it; this was the place. His place. Her palms felt hot and clammy and she unconsciously rubbed them slowly against her coat as she walked towards the grimy front door. To knock or not to knock, that was the question.
Before she could back out, she raised her knuckles and knocked. Then knocked again, loudly.
He isn’t home. Let’s just get back to Bath, Lucy. Bad idea.
She banged this time with her fist and, bending to open the letterbox, called out, ‘Dad!’ for good measure. She could see through it into a dingy-looking hall with a brown carpet.
At last a shuffling sound could be heard and a shadow loomed behind the frosted glass of the front door. She caught her breath as the latch rattled and then as the door swung open her heart began hammering in her chest. And there he was. Old now and grey, with a few days’ scruffy growth of white stubble and unkempt clothes. Her father. Not quite what she’d prepared herself for. In her mind she’d built him up to be some kind of monster, but this was the reality. A pitiful, scruffy old man. A stale smell drifted from the hallway behind him.
‘Lucinda,’ he said in obvious surprise. ‘Well, well, well. What are you doing here?’
No endearments. No ‘pleased to see you’. Just an indifferent tone. Had she really expected anything else?
‘I was in the area,’ she said lamely. ‘Work… you know. I’m on my way back to the station. I thought I’d drop by and see how you are.’
The eyes looking at her from the heavily lined face were shrewd. ‘Ten years long gone, and in all that time nothing more than a card or phone call.’
Lucy looked away with a jolt of embarrassment, and was immediately angry with herself for doing so. What did he expect after the way he’d treated her? By the time she’d finally left he was drunk every night. He’d rarely spoken to her except to hurl insults and she’d been cleaning, cooking, shopping, trying to hold things together. She’d tried to make him get help with his drinking but he’d been sinking in his own self-pity since her mother had left and he had no inclination to find a way out.
Then she’d got a place at catering college. A means of escape. And once she’d left she’d simply kept running, that was all. Instead of going back home when her course finished, she’d rented a tiny flat in Swindon because it was cheap. Working for a pittance in a local restaurant to build up her experience, she’d spent every spare minute baking cakes and had built up a steady bank of customers in the local area who came to her for wedding and celebration cakes. After Swindon, she’d stayed with Gabriel in Bath before getting her own place and starting her business. It hadn’t been a difficult decision to not return to Gloucestershire. Staying away had always been the better choice than going home. Oh, she’d kept in touch of course, but only the bare minimum. A phone call now and then, cards occasionally. Any guilt she might have felt at leaving was assuaged by the fact her father had never once made any proper attempt to contact her himself and make things right. He’d let her know when he’d changed address but he never bothered with birthday or Christmas cards. She’d sometimes wondered if the change of address notices were so the authorities would know who to notify when he eventually drank himself to death. The gap between them had grown over the years until now here they stood, virtual strangers.
‘Must be a reason for you to visit,’ he said. ‘All this time. Why now?’
He could still read her like an open book, she realised. She’d never been able to keep secrets from him. Goosebumps prickled on her arms. He made no move to invite her in and she was glad.
‘I’m thinking of getting married,’ she blurted out suddenly, before she even knew what she was going to say.
He nodded slowly, holding her gaze the entire time with the sharp eyes, green just like her own, and a sarcastic grin spread across his face. ‘You want my blessing?’ He gave a dry chuckle.
She took a nervous step backwards. ‘No,’ she said. ‘I don’t need your blessing. I just…’ She paused and looked at him closely. The grin was gone. The face was lined and old; tiny broken vessels from the heavy drinking reddened his nose and cheeks. The man was a shell of the person he once was. She realised her overwhelming feeling at that moment was pity for him. He certainly couldn’t hurt her or scare her any more. ‘I just thought you should know,’ she finished.
His face softened almost imperceptibly and he nodded. ‘I’m pleased for you.’ His voice sounded gruff and he rummaged in his shirt pocket with his fingers. Removing his cigarettes, he lit one and, leaning against the door jamb, squinted at her through the smoke. ‘What’s he like, then, our Lucinda? Is he good enough for you?’
She felt the back of her throat tingle suddenly and tears pricked at her eyes. Despite all that had happened he was still her father. And however he felt about her, however many years had gone by, he’d cared enough to ask. She swallowed hard to make the tears go away.
‘Yes, Dad, he’s a good man. He makes me happy,’ she managed.
He drew hard on his cigarette and nodded firmly. ‘You hang onto him, then. Tell him your old man says he’d better look out for you.’
She smiled suddenly at him and a smile touched his lips in return. She was glad she’d come after all. For the first time she felt she had control over a conversation with him. What could he say or do now that would hurt her? She was an adult now, not a scared kid any more. She had her own life, with no need of him in it. The balance of power had shifted while she’d been away and she could choose the terms on which she let him back in, if she did at all.
‘How are you, Dad?’ she ventured, more confidently. ‘How’s work?’
‘I get by.’ He shifted a little awkwardly. ‘I’d invite you in, but I only rent a room here. It’s difficult…’
She didn’t mind. A few minutes was quite enough for today anyway. She had plenty to think about. It had been a big enough step just coming here and speaking to him.
‘Maybe next time. I have to get a move on anyway.’ She nodded towards the taxi waiting on the opposite side of the road. ‘It’s only a flying visit.’
He sighed and nodded. ‘It’s good to see you, Lucinda.’ The green eyes were serious this time and she held his gaze. He seemed weaker, somehow. Smaller. The terrifying presence she remembered so vividly from her childhood was gone.
‘You, too, Dad. I’ll be in touch.’ She smiled at him one more time and then made a move towards the taxi. Halfway across the road he called to her and she turned back.
‘You couldn’t lend me some money, could you, love?’
Exasperated, she walked back towards him, rummaging in her bag for her purse. And it was then that it dawned on her that he hadn’t really changed at all. He hadn’t moved on. She had.
Gabriel parked the Aston Martin in the square opposite Lucy’s bakery and got out. Darkness was falling quickly and the streetlamps were already on, casting a golden glow. Standing hesitantly by the car, he questioned himself for a moment. So she hadn’t rung him back since they’d argued—so what? But then when he’d eventually become impatient enough to call Ed, he’d mentioned in passing that she’d gone to Birmingham to visit someone. That had rung alarm bells with Gabriel, although he was initially unable to put his finger on the reason why. Then eventually it had come to him.
Lucy at the dinner table with his parents. ‘My father’s in Birmingham. A friend offered him a job…’
How well he knew her. Almost well enough to have a stab at reading her thoughts? Perhaps she was still just angry with him and wanted space. Or perhaps she’d been to see her father.
Locking the car, he strode decisively across the square. The shop, with its sign ‘Have Your Cake…’ depicted retro style in icing-sugar pink on a pistachio green backdrop, was closed, just as he would have expected at this time of day. But he knew her better than anyone.
A couple of passers-by glanced curiously at the tall man pressing his hands against the cold glass of the cake shop window. Gabriel was oblivious to them. Shading his eyes, he could see nothing but the faint outline of the empty display cabinets and the counter. Then, as his eyes became accustomed to the dark, there at the back he saw a chink of light around the door that led to the back of the premises. To the kitchen, where the big ovens were, and the worktops where the cakes and pastries were made. He was right. She was here.
Feeling triumphant at how well he knew her, he left the shop front and felt his way down the narrow alley at the side to the back entrance, his fingertips trailing along the rough sand-papery bricks as he felt his way along in the semi-darkness. Light streamed from the window at the back of the shop and he saw her rusty old Mini car parked up tightly against the wall.
Trying the door, he was surprised when it opened easily, immediately assaulting his senses with the warm delicious smell of baking. He felt a burst of exasperation that she’d left the door unlocked. How many times had he harped on about personal safety to her?
‘Lucy!’ he shouted as he walked in, so as not to alarm her. There was no reply, so he continued along the short passageway to the kitchen, and then, rounding the corner, he took a deep breath as he saw her.
Her unruly hair was caught up roughly out of her face with a pencil stuck through it; a smudge of flour crossed her cheek. She was adding drops of a bright green liquid to a huge billowing white mound of something cake-looking on the counter in front of her. Her face was paler than ever, no sign of any colour on the high cheekbones. There were dark smudges beneath her eyes. But he didn’t miss the fact that her mouth had a determined set to it.
‘Lucy,’ he said again, loudly enough that she couldn’t fail to hear him. There were batches of cakes and pastries on every surface. God knew how long she’d been here.
‘I’m busy.’ She didn’t even bother to look up, simply whisking the green liquid into the white gloop, watching it streak.
He grimaced involuntarily. ‘What the hell is that?’
‘A bit like a meringue,’ she said, looking at it appraisingly. And then, glancing up at him, ‘I’m experimenting with some funky macaroons.’
‘Looks like you’ve liquidised a frog.’
A second glance up at him. And the faint glimmer of a smile touched the corners of her mouth. His heart twisted as he noticed how tired she looked. He ached to just grab her and sweep her into a hug and he clenched his fists in a supreme effort to stop himself doing just that. He needed to talk to her first. To apologise. To make it right.
‘Lucy, I’m sorry,’ he said. When she didn’t look up, he walked over to her. Putting an arm around her, he firmly removed the spatula from her hand and cast it onto the worktop next to the ghastly blob of green stuff. She still didn’t speak but she made no move to stop him as he propelled her over to a chair. Pushing her to sit down, he knelt down in front of her and took both of her cold hands in his. They were sticky from the cake mixture.
He looked deeply into her clear green eyes. ‘I had no right to talk to you like that about your parents.’ He searched her face for some response. ‘After everything they put you through, I don’t know what I was thinking.’ She simply looked at him as he squeezed her hands. ‘Lucy, I’m so sorry.’
‘How did you know I’d be here?’ she asked, after a moment.
He smiled gently at her. ‘Because I know you, Lu. Almost as well as you know yourself. Remember when there was that hitch when you were setting up the shop lease? And that time you crashed your car? You trashed my kitchen and cooked for England. When normal people need time to think they go for a drive, or maybe a walk. You cook. You had to be somewhere with an oven. I tried your flat. I just narrowed it down.’
A wry smile.
‘So am I forgiven?’ He looked at her hopefully.
She smiled at him properly this time and he felt a surge of relief that made his head swim. ‘You are forgiven,’ she said. ‘But only on condition that you quit stepping outside your remit. I asked you for a few pointers on how to propose. I didn’t expect you to try and counsel me about my past like some agony aunt. Agreed?’
He could hear the tiredness in her voice but she sounded absolutely resolute. He was prepared to accept anything at this moment in order to make it all right.
‘Agreed,’ he said, thankfully. Standing up, he hooked another chair from the corner of the room with one foot and pulled it over, sitting down next to her.
She loosened her unruly curls and caught them back up, forcing the pencil more securely through them. ‘Anyway, things didn’t turn out so badly after all,’ she told him, without meeting his eyes. ‘I took your advice and went to see my dad.’ And without waiting for any further response from him she stood up and went back to the worktop, picking up the spatula and scooping a blob of the green macaroon mixture onto some baking paper.
‘Oh?’ He didn’t dare venture any comment for fear of saying the wrong thing. She’d only just forgiven his behaviour and there was no way he intended to risk another argument.
She glanced briefly around at him. ‘I know,’ she said. ‘I can’t believe it, either. I’m really proud of myself. I was so angry with you for suggesting I let them back into my life. You had no right. But the trouble was, once you’d said it I couldn’t stop thinking about it. It drove me mad, until I just had to go and see him to find out how I really feel.’
‘And how do you really feel?’ He wasn’t sure he really wanted to know the answer to that.
‘Well, I’m not scared of him any more.’ She put the spatula down and turned to face him, leaning back against the worktop. ‘You should see him, Gabe. He’s just a sad old man now. His drinking doesn’t look any better but he seems to be holding down a job, so it can’t be that terrible, can it? I feel like maybe I could have a relationship with him now on my own terms. I have my own life now and I can choose how much of a part he plays in that. I’m totally in control.’ She smiled at him and his heart felt as if it would liquefy at the relief he saw in her face. ‘It’s a good feeling. I’ve been putting him out of my mind for so long. It’s so lovely not to have to do that any more.’
It was no good. He had to ask the question that bothered him the most. ‘And how’s things with Ed?’ He kept his voice as neutral as he could, betraying no feelings.
The oven alarm sounded suddenly and they both jumped. Lucy broke their eye contact to cross the room and remove some cupcakes. With her back to him she was mercifully unable to see the agony that crossed Gabriel’s face as she said, ‘Good, thanks. If anything this has made me more certain than ever.’ She put the cakes down on a cooling rack and turned back to him, removing the oven gloves from her hands.
‘Really? You’re going ahead with the proposal?’ His heart felt like lead in his chest. As if someone had wrung it suddenly, or maybe stamped on it.
‘Yes.’ She took a skewer from the counter and stabbed it into one of the cupcakes. ‘You’ve done me a favour, Gabe. If I wasn’t sure before I damn well am now. I can’t change my past but I can shape my future. What I have with Ed is based on the most important things. All the things that were missing for my parents, why their relationship was such a train wreck. Ed and I don’t compare with what they were. I can make my own family now and I know I’ll get it right.’
Gabriel’s heart constricted in his chest. He forced himself to smile at her. ‘Great. That’s great. I’m sure it will all be fine.’
She looked really happy. Tired but determined. And she’d been through so much. He dug his nails into his palms so hard that they left a mark. Because of your selfish desire to keep her to yourself you’ve put her through hell this last week. Well, no more. As he stood there in that moment he hated himself more than he’d ever hated anyone. He, who was supposed to care about her, not caring how much he hurt her as long as the outcome was what he wanted. He now admitted to himself that he loved her. That he’d loved her for years. It was pointless denying it. Too late to tell her now and it served him right. How could he turn her life upside down again when she was so happy and settled?
He made a decision on the spot. He would back right off. And with good grace this time. No petulant outbursts like the one he’d had in Smith’s. She would get married to Ed. Live a long and happy life with her kids and her business. And he would stick with the role of friend. Embrace it and be grateful for it. This week he’d proved to himself that he was barely worthy of that.
She was moving the cupcakes onto a rack now, her attention totally taken up with them. He needed to get out of here.
‘I’ll get going now, Lu. I can see you’re busy.’ He walked steadily across the room and leaned over her shoulder to kiss her cheek. Closing his eyes, he breathed in the scent of her. She smelled sweet, like vanilla, and he felt his body respond instantly, involuntarily. He clenched his fists tightly and stepped away immediately as if burned. She was so engrossed in what she was doing that she didn’t even notice.
‘OK,’ she said without looking up. ‘I’ll see you tomorrow, then. What time are you picking me up?’
He floundered momentarily. What the hell was she talking about? And then he remembered. His work dinner. That would be some kind of torture now. But maybe he could use it as an opportunity to work on their friendship. Set some new boundaries that might help him to let go of the image of her as something more than a friend. As his lover. Find a way to help him carry on as just her friend.
‘I’ll pick you up at seven,’ he called over his shoulder on the way out. He didn’t wait for an answer.
CHAPTER SEVEN (#ulink_0a7a1f99-8ecd-59b3-b0da-dc8306058af7)
LUCY looked appraisingly at her reflection in the mirror. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d worn a cocktail dress. College ball, maybe? Even then she didn’t think she’d ever worn anything as lovely as this. Following the success of the personal shopping session, she’d picked a dress outside the scope of what she would normally wear. It was a simple sheath of black silk, ankle length and bias cut so it skimmed her body in all the right places, giving the impression of curves for once despite the fact she hardly had any. The spaghetti straps showed off the creamy skin of her shoulders and the back was daringly low cut. She had bought a soft black wrap to go with it. The whole outfit had cost more than she could remember spending on one shopping trip, ever. But she’d done her best to ignore her frugal instincts. Gabriel would be proud of her progress, she thought. With a lot of work and plenty of hair products she’d even managed to tame her curls for once. She’d pinned the front sections back and the bulk of her hair cascaded over her bare shoulders and down her back. A few tendrils escaped, framing her face.
A normal night out for her was a meal down at the local pub with Ed, for which she barely made the effort to wash the flour out of her hair. She sprayed perfume in a cloud and walked into it, the way the magazines said you should. She had to admit that she was enjoying the evening so far. It was lovely to get dressed up for a change.
She wouldn’t let herself think about Gabriel in any other way than as a friend. That had all been some minor head rush, cold feet about settling down, nothing more. The argument about her parents had made it easier to ignore those feelings; she had been so angry with him. She refused to think about the way her heart had raced at the bakery yesterday when Gabriel had apologised and had looked into her eyes and held her hands. Furious anger with him followed by the misplaced heart-thumping desire that she’d spent the last days fighting. Two extremes.
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