Father by Surprise: A Man of Distinction / His Baby Surprise
Lisa Childs
Sarah M. Anderson
Together for the first time in one volume, two classic romance stories from Sarah M. Anderson and Lisa Childs.A Man of DistinctionNick Longhair said goodbye to his life on the reservation without regrets—even though Tanya Rattling Blanket refused to join him. But when business brings him back, he finally understands what he exchanged for money and power. Tanya has been raising his baby! Determined to give his child every advantage, Nick isn't about to leave again…at least not alone.His Baby SurpriseProfessional hockey player Brooks Hoover is home to recuperate and map out his future…which wasn't supposed to include fatherhood! Yet there's a baby on his doorstep. Even more surprising, the once prim and proper Priscilla Andrews—now his boss—agrees to help him with the baby. All this domestic sharing makes him think he's more of a family man than a big-time sports star.
Together for the first time in one volume, two classic romance stories from Sarah M. Anderson and Lisa Childs.
A Man of Distinction
Nick Longhair said goodbye to his life on the reservation without regrets—even though Tanya Rattling Blanket refused to join him. But when business brings him back, he finally understands what he exchanged for money and power. Tanya has been raising his baby! Determined to give his child every advantage, Nick isn’t about to leave again…at least not alone.
His Baby Surprise
Professional hockey player Brooks Hoover is home to recuperate and map out his future…which wasn't supposed to include fatherhood! Yet there's a baby on his doorstep. Even more surprising, the once prim and proper Priscilla Andrews—now his boss—agrees to help him with the baby. All this domestic sharing makes him think he's more of a family man than a big-time sports star.
Father by Surprise
A Man of Distinction
Sarah M. Anderson
His Baby Surprise
Lisa Childs
www.millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk)
Contents
A Man of Distinction (#u593beb87-34b7-5267-ac73-d826b8713b44)
About the Author (#u65041514-a71d-543b-a23b-033695041998)
Dedication (#u96f03f2a-a565-5182-948d-fbc27e206efc)
Chapter 1 (#ude331aeb-9a49-5e7f-b363-9adc3336732b)
Chapter 2 (#uc4895dc3-567e-5c0f-acac-46eb93998299)
Chapter 3 (#u99779e29-4154-5b80-b900-e3da449f6755)
Chapter 4 (#u37626467-c074-5826-a90c-3f7bb5300c3c)
Chapter 5 (#u3007b796-8b3f-5f22-b17d-ca0196d15131)
Chapter 6 (#ua89e1d5e-e865-5765-9186-2b66685533e9)
Chapter 7 (#ub23c544e-db0a-597e-bc75-e893d3fb7867)
Chapter 8 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 9 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 10 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 11 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 12 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 13 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 14 (#litres_trial_promo)
Epilogue (#litres_trial_promo)
His Baby Surprise (#litres_trial_promo)
About the Author (#litres_trial_promo)
Dedication (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 1 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 2 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 3 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 4 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 5 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 6 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 7 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 8 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 9 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 10 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 11 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 12 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 13 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 14 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 15 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 16 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 17 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 18 (#litres_trial_promo)
A Man of Distinction
Award-winning author Sarah M. Anderson loves to put characters from different worlds into new situations and see how their backgrounds and cultures take them places they never thought they’d go. When not helping out at her son’s school or walking her two rescue dogs, Sarah spends her days having conversations with imaginary cowboys and American Indians, which is surprisingly well-tolerated by her wonderful husband and son. Find out more about Sarah at sarahmanderson.com.
Look for more books by Sarah M. Anderson in Harlequin Desire—the ultimate destination for powerful, passionate romance! There are six new Harlequin Desire titles available every month. Check one out today!
To Jason, for being my hero as a father and husband.
Chapter 1
Nick Longhair got out of his Jaguar, his Italian loafers crunching on the white rock that made up the parking lot at tribal headquarters for the Red Creek Lakota. The building might have had a fresh coat of paint in the past two years, but otherwise, it was as he remembered it. Narrow little windows, low ceilings and an overall depressing vibe.
For the past two years, he’d worked out of a corner office on South Dearborn, one of the priciest blocks in Chicago. Marble floors, custom furnishings and floor-to-ceiling views of Lake Michigan. It had been the height of luxury, and a true measure of how far he’d come.
He looked around his current surroundings. A three-legged dog hopped across the lot a few feet away from him. The other vehicles weren’t Bentleys or Audis or even Mercedes, but rusty pickup trucks and cars with mismatched hoods and plastic sheeting for windows. This wasn’t a measure of how far he’d come. It was a measure of how far he’d fallen.
All he had ever wanted was to get off this rez. He could still remember seeing The Cosby Show on the working TV at a friend’s house and discovering that other folks lived in great big houses where kids had their own rooms, water came out of the sink and lights turned on with the flip of a switch. The shock of realizing that some people had those things—and that those people weren’t always white—had made him look at his childhood with brand-new eyes. The discarded trailer with cardboard patched over the windows and the holes in the roof? Not normal. Having to share a bed with his brother and mom? Not normal. Having to haul buckets of water from the stream and then hope he didn’t get sick drinking it? Not normal. Not even acceptable.
Yeah, it sounded stupid to say that a sitcom had changed his life for the better. But at the age of eight, he’d realized there was a different life off the rez, and he wanted the big house, the fancy cars, the nice clothes. He wanted it all. And he’d spent his entire life earning it.
So being forced to come back to the rez felt worse than any demotion. If he hadn’t been ordered to take this case—and if his future promotions didn’t rest upon a clean victory—he wouldn’t be here. Maybe he should have quit instead of taking this assignment. He didn’t want to feel the stink of poverty on his skin again. It had taken years to clean the poor out of his pores. But he was the best at what he did, and what Nick did was lead lawsuits against energy companies. This was the kind of case he couldn’t walk away from. This was the kind of case that made a person’s career.
Nick shook his head, forcing himself to focus on what he was here to accomplish.
As the youngest junior partner in the history of the law firm of Sutcliffe, Watkins and Monroe, he’d won judgments for clients against BP for the oil spill in the Gulf, coal mines for the toxic runoff they dumped into the groundwater and even nuclear power plants with lax security. In the past five years, he’d gotten very good—and very rich—being environmentally friendly. He’d earned his place at the table.
Then his tribe, the Red Creek Lakota, had hired Sutcliffe, Watkins and Monroe to sue Midwest Energy Company for polluting the Dakota River when they used hydraulic fracturing, or fracking, to drill for natural gas. The tribe claimed the chemicals used in the drilling had seeped into the groundwater and contaminated the Dakota. They wanted Midwest Energy to clean up the water and pay for any health problems that resulted from the pollution. But this kind of case was beyond the scope of general counsel. The tribe’s lawyer, Rosebud Armstrong, had needed someone who specialized in this kind of case. And that someone was Nick.
Nick had been surprised the tribe could afford the Sutcliffe, Watkins and Monroe price tag, but they’d recently built a dam and the funds from the sale of hydroelectricity had actually put the tribe in the black for the first time ever. Of course they’d picked Nick’s firm. He supposed he shouldn’t have been surprised that Rosebud had gone looking for him, but it still irked him. He’d always felt his tribe didn’t want a damn thing to do with him when he was a dirt-poor nobody.
Now that he was a somebody who’d made something of himself, though, the tune had changed. No one had missed him when he’d left—not even Tanya Rattling Blanket, his high school sweetheart. But now that they needed him and his uncanny ability to win in the courtroom, they wanted him to come home. Nick had been informed that the tribal council wanted him to lead the legal battle on-site. It wasn’t enough that he had to work for people who’d rejected him. Now he had to go back and live with them.
Marcus Sutcliffe, the founder of the firm, had never been one to turn down a paying client. In no uncertain terms, Marcus had told Nick to pack his bags. And he did it in such a way that made it clear “no” was not an option. “Those are your people,” Marcus had said, a look of distaste flitting across his face as he waved Nick away. “You handle them.”
The hackles on Nick’s neck still stood up just thinking about Marcus’s dismissive tone. With a wave of his hand, Marcus had reduced Nick to the token Indian. His legal victories, top-notch law degree, his years of experience and dedication to the firm—meaningless, if Nick only earned them in the name of affirmative action. He’d fought for years to be recognized for what he could do, not what he’d been born. Apparently, he still had a long way to go.
The question Nick hadn’t been able to answer was if Rissa Sutcliffe, Marcus’s daughter, felt the same way. Nick didn’t think so. He and Rissa had been dating for almost two years—exclusively dating for the last year. He knew she was attracted to what she called his “tall, dark and very mysterious” appearance, but that had never bothered him until Marcus had thrown “those people” onto the table.
But the fact was, if Nick won this case, he’d be first in line to succeed Marcus when he retired—an event that was only a few years off. So Nick nodded and smiled and acted like he was thrilled to be handling “those” people and their case. Better than giving the case to Jenkins, Nick’s rival in the office.
So Nick wasn’t here for the rez. He was here for his career. The sooner he won this case, the sooner he could get back to Chicago.
Then he took a deep breath, the smell of last night’s rain and the grass surrounding him. No, this wasn’t the Magnificent Mile. But that smell—the scent of wide-open spaces—was something he couldn’t find in Chicago. Last night, he’d sat on his new front porch and done something he hadn’t been able to do in two years. He’d watched the stars.
Maybe some time away from Sutcliffe, Watkins and Monroe would be a good thing. The interoffice sniping had reached new levels of Machiavellian backstabbing—so much so that Nick spent more time fending off sideway attacks from the likes of Jenkins than he did building cases. Some days, he felt less like a lawyer and more like a pawn struggling to be a knight.
If that had been all he’d been dealing with, Nick could have sucked it up and dealt with it. But it wasn’t. For the last few months, Rissa had been buying bridal magazines and discussing an outdoor summer wedding versus a Christmas-themed wedding. Even Marcus had been calling him “son” more and more. On paper, that had been the plan—marry the boss’s daughter and take over the family business. No doubt about it, Nick would have arrived. No one would have been able to take that success away from him.
Nick should have proposed to Rissa before he left to seal the deal. Should have, but didn’t. He had always enjoyed Rissa’s company, but he couldn’t wrap his head around Rissa and the Red Creek Reservation in the same thought. Rissa wasn’t exactly high-maintenance, but she required a certain amount of upkeep—shopping, spas, servants. Nick had enjoyed the hell out of being on the receiving end of that upkeep, but the moment the tribe had barged back into his life, his expensive lifestyle had suddenly felt forced. Almost unreal. Untrue, at the very least. Up until that exact moment, he’d been so certain of his plan, but now…he didn’t know if he loved who Rissa was or the fact that she had been born a Sutcliffe. Which meant he was in real danger of being the world’s biggest living hypocrite.
So he’d taken the job. He’d given Rissa a little talk about how some time apart would be good for them, help them know for sure if they were meant to be together. She’d taken it well enough, he supposed. “So you won’t mind if Jenkins takes me to the Parade of Sails, then,” she had said, her voice needle-sharp and her words just as pointed.
But Nick had already made up his mind. He was a big fan of clean breaks anyway. He’d reassured Rissa that she was free to see whoever she wanted, and when Nick’s case was over, they’d “catch up” and “reevaluate” where their relationship stood. He needed a break from the whole lot of them—Jenkins, Rissa and Marcus. As much as he told himself he was back on the rez involuntarily, a small, hidden part of him was relieved to be here. Even though he was no longer the same man who’d left this rez behind, he still felt more like himself just being here.
The case would probably take a year, maybe two, before all the dust settled. That left him plenty of time to catch up with his family. He could look up Tanya Rattling Blanket for starters. True, he hadn’t seen her in—man, it had to be almost two years—but he knew she was still here. She was one of those idealistic people who was determined to make a difference. She had made her preference for the rez over the real world clear back when they were dating. But if she was here and Nick was here, he didn’t see any reason why they shouldn’t be here together. As he remembered her, Tanya was whip-smart, bitingly funny and the kind of beautiful that most women spent their lives chasing and never catching. Thinking of Tanya was like watching the stars—he hadn’t realized how much he’d missed her until he’d crossed the South Dakota state line.
In this distracted state, Nick walked into the tribal headquarters.
“Good morning, Mr. Longhair.” At the sound of that voice, Nick tripped over his own foot and came to a stumbling halt. He looked up and saw Tanya sitting behind the front desk, wearing a fake smile and a pale pink blouse. “How are you today?”
For a moment, all Nick could do was stare. He hadn’t seen her since the last time he’d come home to the rez, to celebrate his little brother’s high school graduation. She’d been there, as radiant as he’d ever seen her. They’d done a little celebrating together—one more time, for old time’s sake. Despite the fact that that had been almost two years ago, he suddenly felt as if it had been just last night. He remembered her as beautiful. He hadn’t done her justice. His pulse began to pound. No, he’d been a fool not to realize how much he’d missed her—but now he did. “Tanya? What are you doing here?”
The fakeness of her smile grew more forced. “I’m the receptionist. Would you like some coffee?”
They’d dated all through high school, but their contact since then had been sporadic. Intense. Satisfying—but only when he’d come back to the rez. He’d always been glad to see her, and this time was no different. Except this time, she didn’t seem happy to see him. What—was she mad that he hadn’t called? This wasn’t the 1950s—she could have picked up the phone just as easily. But not calling was a small thing, and Tanya seemed one shade short of furious. They’d lost contact before. It shouldn’t have been a big deal, but it felt huge. What were the odds that he’d wind up with coffee thrown in his face—or worse, his lap? Not in his favor. “No, thanks.”
She stared at him for a few more seconds until he thought that smile was going to crack right off her face. “Ms. Armstrong is running late, and Councilwoman Mankiller is on a call. They asked me to show you around.”
When he’d been here, Nick and Tanya had had the most intense, passionate relationship he’d ever been in. In the beginning, especially when they’d started having hot-and-heavy sex, he’d dreamed about taking her with him when he left. But Tanya wasn’t the kind of girl who would blindly follow a boy to the ends of the earth. As much as he’d wanted her to go, she’d wanted him to stay. They’d had huge fights about it, then had the kind of makeup sex that made a man willing to admit that he’d been wrong.
In the end, the sex—and his feelings for her—hadn’t been enough. He’d left. She’d stayed. Those were the choices they both had to live with.
Still, that wasn’t enough to explain the animosity he was picking up on right now. The last time he’d seen her, she’d welcomed him back with open arms—and much more. The sex had been amazing—as passionate as anything he’d experienced with her before. He’d sort of been expecting the same kind of reception—but it was clear he wasn’t going to get it. He hadn’t exactly been burning up the phone lines during the years before he’d last been with her. She couldn’t possibly have expected him to start calling just because they’d spent another night together—could she?
Nick squared his shoulders. He’d gotten very good at pretending he belonged someplace he wasn’t truly welcome. Why should this be any different? “That would be fine, Ms. Rattling Blanket.” He didn’t need a tour—he’d been here before, in high school, when he’d come to talk to Rosebud about law school—but he wasn’t about to stand in the lobby in total awkwardness until hell froze over.
She stood, her eyes cast down. She had on a slim gray skirt that hugged every inch of curves he didn’t remember. She’d filled out—more generous breasts, a sweeter backside. Her hair was pulled away from her face, but it hung loose down her back. She looked good, in the primal sort of way that brought back memories of that last night together. What did those new curves look like? More important, what did they feel like? He had to physically restrain the urge to pull her into his arms. If he tried that right now, odds were good she’d deck him.
“This way.” Without so much as a dirty look for him, she headed down the hall and opened a door on his right. “The conference room.”
Why wasn’t she glad to see him? As she stood with her back to the door, he leaned past her. His lawyer instincts told him to keep a safe, respectable distance from her, but he couldn’t help himself. Her scent swirled around him—something soft and citrus and clean, all at once. Every second he was around her made him miss her that much more. All of a sudden, he found himself wondering how the hell he’d managed to survive the last two years without her smell, her voice, her face in his life. How had he survived without her? “I want to talk to you,” he whispered in her ear.
A ruddy blush sprinted across her cheeks. Maybe he was imagining things, but he swore he felt the heat radiate off her skin. She’d missed him, too. He could tell by the way her pupils dilated and her breathing grew shallow. He knew that look. She’d been looking at him like that for as long as he could remember—usually right before she had begun ripping off his clothes. She could pretend to be all mad at him for leaving the rez behind, but he knew she couldn’t deny the attraction that had bound them together since they were teenagers.
But she was going to try to deny it, that much was clear. She cleared her throat. “As you can see, the table and chairs are new.” Then she shoved her shoulder into him, pushing him away. She shut the door and continued down the hallway. “This is Councilwoman Emily Mankiller’s office.”
This whole treat-Nick-like-a-clueless-outsider thing was starting to irk him, and the fact that she was fighting her obvious desire for him did nothing to improve his mood. “I know who Emily is. She hired me.”
Tanya didn’t even blink. She walked him past all the other council members’ offices, ticking off familiar names, until they reached the end of the hall. “And this is your office.” She swung the door open on a room so tiny that Nick was surprised to see someone had actually managed to wedge a desk into it.
What a hole. His coworkers in Chicago would be horrified. All of his desire ground to a painful halt as he was confronted with the professional embodiment of poverty on the rez. “This is a broom closet.”
“Correction—it was a broom closet. Now it’s the office of the legal counsel of the Red Creek Tribe.” Tanya motioned to the desk, her hand brushing against the wall. “The computer is brand-new, and in theory, it prints to the copier behind my desk.”
“In theory? I don’t even have my own printer?” That was not good. Communal printing wasn’t exactly the way to maintain confidentiality.
She glared at him, which was something of a relief. Better than being ignored. “You don’t like it, you can leave. You’re good at that.”
He shut the door with more force than was required and turned to her. She tried to back away, but the wall didn’t let her get very far. Her gaze darted toward the door. No way in hell he was letting her escape before he got some answers. He put his hands on either side of her shoulders, pinning her in. He wasn’t touching her, but he could smell her. That was bad enough. “We both knew that night was a one-time-only thing. What’s with you? I thought you’d be glad to see me.” He cleared his throat. This close, he could see the way her pulse pounded in her throat. He could feel his own pulse matching hers, beat for beat. They’d always moved in harmony like that. That’s what had always made being with Tanya so good. “I’m glad to see you. I missed you.”
She flinched, but she didn’t back down. “It’s been two years, Nick. You clearly didn’t miss me enough to visit. Not enough for one phone call.”
“What was there to call about? You didn’t want to come with me—you didn’t want the kind of life I could have given you. And there’s no way in hell I was going back to living in a shack on the rez. I thought it was best if we kept things neat and clean.” Although “neat” and “clean” didn’t exactly describe the effect she was having on him at this moment.
She glared at him, and he saw that the passionate feelings she had for him had changed somehow. Before he knew what was happening, Tanya had ducked out of his arms and was out of the tiny office. He faintly heard her say, “Red Creek Tribal Council, how may I help you?” and he realized way too late that he’d talked to her on the phone several times and never figured out that it was her.
Stunned, Nick sat in his new chair and tried to figure out what had just happened. He hadn’t lied—he had missed her. Enough that seeing Tanya—and maybe rekindling their relationship—again had made the list of reasons to take the case and come home. She’d always understood him on a different level than any other woman had. That wasn’t the sort of thing a man forgot.
But the woman answering the phone wasn’t that same girl. Something had happened in the past two years. She didn’t want to understand him any longer. She didn’t even want to try.
The phone on his desk beeped, a loud, insistent noise that bounced around his new closet-sized office like a pinball. Nick jerked his head back. Man, that was going to take some getting used to. “Yes?”
“Ms. Armstrong is here, Mr. Longhair.”
He had to give her this—she was a good receptionist. No trace of the argument she’d been winning lingered in her voice. “I’ll be right out.”
As he walked down the long hall, Nick got his head back in the game. Rosebud Armstrong was the general counsel for the tribe. She was here to get him up to speed on the current litigation status of the tribe. He was a lawyer, damn it. A good one. Youngest junior partner in Sutcliffe, Watkins and Monroe’s history, and the only minority to achieve that accomplishment.
“How’s Bear?” he heard Rosebud say. Curious, he slowed down. Did Tanya have a dog? Maybe she’d become one of those women who carried small dogs around in purses and put them in day care. Rissa had gone through a small-dog phase that still had Nick scratching his head. Some days, it felt like he’d never understand women—and this was shaping up to be one of those days. He wouldn’t have figured the old Tanya for accessorizing with an animal, but then, he wasn’t safe making any guesses about the new Tanya.
“Good. Mom spoils him rotten during the day, but…” Tanya’s voice trailed off in a “what-can-you-do-about-it” kind of way. Sheesh, women and their dogs.
“I understand. How’s the job going?”
The pause was longer this time. “Fine,” Tanya finally said, and Nick could hear the forced smile from around the corner.
“I see.” Rosebud’s voice dropped from “lawyerly” down several notches to “coconspirator.” “My earlier offer stands.”
Offer? What offer? Nick didn’t like the sound of that.
“You know I want to stay here. I’ve already learned so much. But…” her voice trailed off. “I’m going to see how it goes for now, but I might have to take you up on that.”
He liked that even less. They were talking about him, weren’t they? Finally, he wasn’t able to take it anymore. He walked around the corner in what he hoped was a natural, non-eavesdropping kind of way. “Hello, Rosebud. It’s good to see you again.”
“Nick.” She shook his hand and patted his arm, professional and friendly at the same time. He owed Rosebud a great deal. She was the one who’d pushed him to go to law school. More than anything in the world, he’d wanted off this rez. Rosebud had shown him the way to accomplish that. “How are you adjusting? Getting used to home again?”
He knew he shouldn’t look at Tanya, but he did anyway. Just a quick glance, but more than enough for Rosebud to infer a variety of things. Tanya’s attention was focused on her computer. “It’s been a long time,” was all he said.
Rosebud gave him the same look she’d been giving him since she’d written his recommendation letters for law school. That look combined a don’t-screw-this-up scolding with a you-can-do-it sentiment. He hated that look. “A lot’s happened since you left.”
Wasn’t that the freaking understatement of his life. “I saw you all built a huge dam.”
Rosebud laughed in that polite way that said she was going to let him go this time. “You have no idea. Shall we?”
* * *
Tanya checked the clock—4:27 p.m. A whole minute had passed since the last time she’d looked. Would this day never end?
She wanted to get the hell out of here before Nick could corner her in the conference room or office again. At least, she needed to not get cornered. She’d be lying to herself if she said she hadn’t felt the pull between them, or if she claimed she didn’t want to feel it again.
She didn’t know if that was because it had been two years since she’d last been with a man or what, but for a crazy second, she’d wanted him to kiss her. Which was strictly off-limits. She could not, under any circumstances, get involved with Nick Longhair again, not even for one night. Not after what happened that last time. And the time before that. After all the previous times, in fact. Only a fool would get involved with Nick Longhair and expect him not to leave her heartbroken. Tanya was no fool. Not anymore, anyway.
Besides, interoffice relationships were frowned upon. She needed this job. Councilwoman Emily Mankiller had hired her when Bear was two months old. Even though Tanya didn’t think Ms. Mankiller would fire her without a good reason, Tanya felt like she had to keep proving herself. This job was the difference between having her own place and living with her mother.
What a mess. For twenty-two long, frustrating months, she’d dreamed of Nick Longhair walking back into her life like a white knight rescuing a damsel in distress. Tanya didn’t know if she was a damsel, but being a single mother struggling to make ends meet provided lots of distress. Now Nick was back, and nothing about it felt like a rescue. Instead, it felt like a threat.
4:28 p.m. She wanted to get Bear, rush home and bolt the door. As much as she had dreamed about Nick coming back and sweeping her off her feet, now that he was here, he scared the hell out of her. What would he do when he found out about Bear?
If Nick found out about Bear, he could want nothing to do with him—or her. He could accuse her of getting pregnant on purpose, like she’d been trying to trap him. He could flatly deny he was Bear’s father. He could cut her out of his life permanently. In some ways, he’d already done that. This time, though, there would be no hope for her to cling to, no bright, shiny fantasy of Nick coming back to her. It would just be the end.
That thought was terrible enough, but Tanya knew it wasn’t the only possible outcome. Nick could decide he’d always wanted to be a father. He’d always talked about kids, back when they were wild-eyed dreamers without two nickels to rub together. Now Nick had all the nickels he had ever wanted. Did he still want kids? Maybe he did, maybe he’d outgrown that dream—just like he’d outgrown Tanya. Tanya knew any fatherly interaction would be on Nick’s terms, and his terms alone. He had already decided that Tanya wasn’t good enough for him—why else would he have bailed on her without a second look? What if he decided that she wasn’t a good-enough mother? If Nick wanted to, he could take her son—their son—away from her. He could run her into the ground in a courtroom and take Bear to Chicago. She’d be lucky if she got to see him once a year. She wanted to think Nick wouldn’t do that to her, but she didn’t know the man he’d become. She wouldn’t put anything past him.
“So that about wraps it up for today.” Rosebud and Nick walked into the lobby, heads down, feet dragging. “When should I plan on coming back in?”
“Give me a week to get up to speed,” Nick said, cranking his neck from one side to the other, “and then I’ll give you a call.”
“Done.” Rosebud stopped and looked at Tanya. Tanya’s heart began to pound. Of course Rosebud had figured out that Nick was Bear’s father—she was the smartest woman on the rez. But most people hadn’t connected those dots. Tanya preferred it that way. Rosebud’s gaze slid back to Nick. “You should come out to dinner some night. My husband has an interesting perspective on fracking. Tanya knows where we live.”
Great. Any less subtle, and Rosebud would be beating Nick over the head with a sledgehammer. “Maybe we’ll do that,” Nick said. “If Tanya’s up for it.”
Up for being alone in a car with Nick for the drive out to Rosebud’s house? Hell, at this exact moment in time, Tanya wasn’t sure she was even up for breathing. Besides, she didn’t even know what “fracking” was. Yes, she’d learned a lot in ten months, but that was general stuff about tribal operations. She wasn’t allowed in on closed-door meetings yet. She was still just the receptionist, but she was working on being the best darned receptionist she could be. It beat the hell out of frying burgers at a fast-food joint an hour off the rez while fighting morning sickness, which was the job she’d held when she’d found out she was pregnant.
“You can let me know,” Rosebud said, letting it drop. “But think about it.”
Rosebud headed out, leaving Nick and Tanya alone in the lobby. For a few moments, neither of them moved. Nick looked out the front doors; Tanya stared at her desk. His head was held high, his shoulders back. Everything about his stance said that he was in control of this—or any other—situation. She’d always loved his ability to take control of any situation, but now it scared her. For her part, she was afraid to do anything but work on that breathing thing. What would Nick do now?
He pivoted on the balls of his feet. “Ms. Rattling Blanket, I’d like a word with you in my office.”
Her heart sank. He knew about Bear, and he was going to demand his rights. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if those rights took the form of Nick realizing what he’d left behind and deciding that, finally, he would stay? But given how fast Nick had hightailed it out of town the last time, she wasn’t going to get her hopes up. He may have come home, but for how long? He’d made his point crystal clear. He was too good for the rez. He was too good for her.
Determined to maintain a level of professionalism, she grabbed a pen and a legal pad. When she made it to his office, the door was open and he was sitting behind his desk. That was a good sign—he wasn’t going to try to trap her again. Not right away at least. “Yes?”
“Sit down.” He didn’t look up from the document he was reading.
Tanya did as she was told. She felt a little like a lamb going willingly to slaughter.
Nick kept reading his paper. Why, oh, why did he have to look so good? It wasn’t fair, she decided. Why couldn’t he have gained forty pounds of beer gut or lost his hair while he was gone? Maybe grown a few warts—anything that would make it easier for Tanya to not miss him.
But no. He seemed taller now, and any weight he’d gained appeared to be pure muscle. His shoulders were broader underneath his crisp white shirt, his sleeves neatly cuffed at the wrists. She’d noticed his pants earlier. They looked expensive—nothing like the frayed jeans he’d always worn before. The light from his computer caught on a huge silver watch around his wrist. He wore those new, expensive clothes like he was born in them.
But the worst of it was that he’d cut his hair. He’d sworn he’d never do that. He was a Longhair. It went with the name. Instead of reaching almost as far down his back as hers did, his thick black hair was closer to his ears and slicked back.
He glanced up and caught her staring. “What?”
“You cut your hair.” Lord, that’s not what she’d wanted to say, but the words just popped out. She’d meant to keep their interactions strictly professional.
One side of his mouth curved up in a smile. Was he flattered that she’d noticed, or was the new-and-improved Nick just vain? “Occupational hazard,” he explained as he ran a hand through his close-cropped mane. “Where do you live now?”
She could not believe the audacity of this man. He’d all but fallen off the face of the planet for almost two years without sparing a single thought to her, but the moment he arrived back on the rez, he expected to pick up where they’d left off? No. Not gonna happen. She had her pride. And a mountain of bills. But she’d rather cut off her own foot than let Nick think she needed his money. She’d already made a mistake with him once. No way she was going to make it again.
So she didn’t answer. Several seconds passed before Nick realized that she wasn’t talking. “Tanya? Did you hear me?”
“I’m sorry.” Strictly professional. No need to get fired for insubordination. Not yet anyway.
A shadow crossed Nick’s eyes. She had his full attention now, and she was pretty sure that wasn’t a good thing. “Do you still live with your mother?”
“I’m not sure what this has to do with my job.” Or yours, she wanted to add, but that whole insubordination thing kept her mouth shut—for once.
His eyes narrowed. Combined with the expensive clothes and the new hair, Tanya realized she was sitting across from a complete stranger. “You’re not going to answer my question?”
“Is there something else you need help with? If not, I have to go. Councilwoman Mankiller lets me leave at 4:30.” She’d never needed to get Bear more than she did right now. But no matter what Nick did next, she could claim to have acted with all due respect.
Moving slowly, Nick set the paper aside. He put his hands facedown on the desk and then leaned toward her. Tension rippled between them. She could just catch a whiff of his cologne—something that smelled exotic and expensive. Even though she knew she was in danger of being trapped, she couldn’t pull away. Nick did that to her—drew her in and never gave her the chance to get out. All it had ever taken was for him to give her that half smile as he moved in on her, just like he’d tried to do in the conference room earlier. He must expect that she’d come running at his beck and call, just like she always had. The problem was, when he cornered her earlier, she had still wanted to come running. Just thinking about how close he’d been made her ache with a desire that she’d thought she’d long since buried. She took another deep breath, pulling his scent in deeper. She wasn’t sure if she even wanted out, not with the way his eyes flashed at her. He was like the mountain lion, using his silky brown eyes to hypnotize his prey—her—before he moved in for the kill. Then he said, “I’m going to find out one way or another. I’d feel better if you told me.”
There it was—the very real threat Nick Longhair posed to her life and to her child. One way or the other, he’d get what he wanted. The only difference was whether she got in his way or out of it.
Without rushing, Tanya stood. He might have all the power in this room, but she was going to be damned if she let him take her dignity. “Have a nice evening, Mr. Longhair.”
Someone should have a nice evening. But it wasn’t going to be her.
Chapter 2
Nick didn’t show up at Tanya’s little house that night. At work the next day, he walked in at 9:00 a.m. like he owned the place, gave her a heated stare and headed back to his office. He was still in there when she left at 4:30 p.m. He never even asked her for coffee.
She spent another restless night shooting out of bed at the slightest noise to make sure Nick wasn’t prowling around outside. She doubted that he was the sort of fellow who prowled anymore, but once upon a time, before he’d left her the first time to go to college, he’d made a regular habit of tapping on her window at three in the morning and taking her on a joyride in whatever truck he’d “borrowed” across the otherwise-silent rez.
Those middle-of-the-night trips to nowhere had been when they’d talked about their dreams and nightmares. “When I leave this rez, I’m not gonna be a dirt-poor Indian anymore, Tanya. I’m gonna be rich. I’m gonna be somebody,” he’d muse, laying on a blanket, the night air cooling them off after the heated sex. “I’m gonna buy you diamonds and pearls and the biggest house in South Dakota. And our kids—they’re not gonna live like this. Our kids are gonna have the best of everything. Rooms full of toys, new clothes that fit, their own ponies—everything.” The way he’d always said it made it clear that was all the stuff he’d wanted and never got.
She’d loved him for wanting to take care of her. But Tanya had always told him the same thing. “I don’t need all that stuff, Nick, not as long as I’ve got you.”
At the time, it had all seemed like a bunch of wild talk. She hadn’t realized how serious he was. But then, she hadn’t realized how serious she was.
Tanya had left the rez once, too. She’d gone to college at the University of South Dakota in Vermillion, just about two hours from the rez. She’d gotten her B.A. in Native studies with a minor in political science. When she’d first left home, she’d finally understood what Nick had always talked about. Everyone there had a car and an apartment, it seemed, with nice clothes and computers and stereos. The jealousy had been crushing.
That had changed the day she’d walked into her first political science class. She’d signed up because Nick had already been accepted to law school and she’d assumed that knowing more about politics would be a good way to support his career. But instead, the professor—some leftover relic from the 1960s counterculture—had gone on and on about how a single person could take on the political establishment and change things for the better.
Yeah, that guy had fried half his brain on acid trips back in the day, but that didn’t mean his words carried any less weight with Tanya. It had been then that she’d realized she could make life on the rez better—if she didn’t abandon it. She had to stay and change it from the inside. A fact made all the clearer by her time working as a fry cook. Minimum wage at a dead-end job didn’t help her tribe. It didn’t do her any favors either.
So she’d gotten Councilwoman Emily Mankiller to mentor her and had taken the receptionist job at tribal headquarters after Bear was born so she could have a front-row seat for the local political show. Things had changed now that the tribe had money. Tanya knew that Nick was here for a lawsuit against Midwest Energy, but everything was done behind closed doors or in low whispers. It was clear that Tanya wouldn’t be able to be a part of that conversation—not while she was a receptionist anyway. Some days that irritated her, but the posturing and maneuvering wasn’t her strength. Tanya was more concerned with making sure people had enough to eat and heat in the winter. No back-room plotting needed. Even though she was just the receptionist, she could say she was already making a difference. She kept a running tab on who was about to have their power shut off, who’s health was failing too fast and which kids needed another hot meal. Those were small things, but they counted. Sure, she could make a bigger difference if she had an ally who was good at the behind-closed-doors stuff. In fact, Tanya had always hoped that Nick would bring his fancy law degree back to her and the rez. Together, they could change things for the better. Together, they’d be unstoppable.
But Nick hadn’t come back. Until now.
Another noise outside had Tanya up again. 3:15 a.m. Tomorrow was going to be a long day, but at least it was Friday. She looked out the window, half hoping to see the old, carefree Nick out there. That was the Nick she’d loved since the day she’d turned twelve. She could still remember the jolt of electricity that had coursed through her when he’d ridden up to her birthday party bareback on his paint pony—and shirtless. He’d just turned sixteen—so out of her league—but that hadn’t stopped him from sliding off the horse right in front of her, leveling that devastating smile at her and handing her a handpicked bunch of wildflowers with a “Happy birthday, Tanya,” thrown in for good measure. It had seemed like he was her present, already half-unwrapped. Tanya had fallen and fallen hard. Nothing and no one could ever compare to Nick.
Sure, he had hardly looked at her for a few more years, but by the time she’d turned fourteen, he’d given her her first kiss. By the time she was fifteen, she’d given him everything.
Part of her wanted that life again—where the only cares she had in this world were how she could slip out without waking up her mom to steal a few more hours with Nick. But there was no going back, and there was nothing outside but a full moon. Nick had come back only twice in the past six years—when he graduated from law school and for his brother’s high school graduation. She’d asked him to stay that first time, while the scent of their sex still hung in the air. “Stay with me,” she’d said, and even now she cringed at how pathetic the words had sounded.
“Babe, I have a life now,” had been his reply. He’d said it gently, like he knew he was tearing her heart out with a single swipe. True, he’d told her she could stay with him if she came to Chicago, but it was the kind of halfhearted offer that begged not to be taken up.
No, he had a life now. A life that didn’t include her or their homeland.
She got back into bed and checked on Bear. He was curled into the little baby ball that had his bottom sticking up into the air.
Tanya smiled. She didn’t need Nick’s money or diamonds or houses. She didn’t need any of that stuff, as long as she had her son. She was tied to this land by blood—the blood of her ancestors and the blood of her son. She couldn’t abandon this place because that would be the same as abandoning part of her soul.
She couldn’t leave.
Not even for Nick Longhair.
By the time she got home the next night with Bear in tow, Tanya was beat. Nights like this made her wish that she could afford a television and pizza delivered to her door, because Bear was being clingy and her head hurt and the three hours until Bear’s bedtime seemed like a month.
The whole week, all Nick had done was walk in, give her “the look” and disappear into his office. He didn’t ask for coffee, tell her to make copies or demand to talk to her. Despite her resolution not to fall under his spell again, she still found herself daydreaming about him at least trying to sweep her off her feet. He’d corner her in the conference room, shut the door and press her against the wall. If she closed her eyes, she could actually feel the length of his body against hers—the way they fit together as effortlessly as they always had. He’d kiss her until she couldn’t breathe. Of course she’d rebuff his advances—in her fantasy, she could just walk away from him.
Reality was different. Would it kill him to at least notice her? She couldn’t even be in the same room with him—for however short a time—without being painfully aware of him. As much as she tried to hate him—and heavens knew she tried—she couldn’t shake the hope that somehow, some way, they’d go back to the way things had been. Despite having a child now, a big part of Tanya still felt like the same girl she’d always been—the girl who loved Nick.
But no. Maybe she’d just guessed wrong about him. This new-improved Nick wasn’t the slightest bit interested in the same-old Tanya. Why would he be? She wasn’t model-perfect, rich or anything else like the women he’d probably spent all his free time with back in the big city.
Maybe this was just how it was going to be, she thought as she boiled the water for the mac ’n’ cheese. They’d just keep pretending like they’d never been in love. She’d keep Bear’s existence quiet. They’d be like sicas, spirits, passing through each other’s lives. It could work.
This way of thinking lasted until she put Bear down at eight. She read him a story, sang him his bedtime song and rubbed his back until his little eyelids closed. Finally, she thought as she shut the door behind her and sagged against it. Exhausted as she was, she needed at least a half hour of peace and quiet before she went to bed. She trudged down the short hallway that separated the bedroom/bathroom half of the house from the kitchen/living room half, turned the corner and let out a scream.
There, sitting on her couch, was Nick Longhair. His tie and jacket were gone and his shirtsleeves were cuffed, but otherwise, he looked exactly like he had when she’d last seen him this morning. Next to him sat a robin’s egg–blue gift bag.
A jumble of thoughts ran through her head. She was positive she’d locked the door. He looked horribly out of place on her ratty couch. Had he noticed the laundry basket of toys on the other side of the room? Damn it, why did he have to look so good? What was in the bag? She felt like hell and probably looked worse. Which all came out as, “What are you doing here?”
He sat there, giving her that same damned look for what felt like an hour. Did he think she would throw herself at him? If so, he had another think coming. “You look good, Tanya.”
Part of her all but vibrated with the compliment. For a delusional second, she wasn’t a schlumpy mom with mac ’n’ cheese in her hair, but the crazy-in-love girl Nick had wanted. Oh, how she had missed the way he made her feel. She’d missed being that girl.
The other part of her didn’t like where this was going. If he thought he could just waltz into her house and expect her to fall into his arms only to see him waltz right back out of her life for another two years, he could go to hell. She’d even buy him a handbasket. “What do you want, Nick?”
“I brought you a present,” Nick said, sounding completely unconcerned with her rudeness. He stood and handed the bag to her.
She didn’t want to look. Well, she did, but she was afraid that it would be something weird or stupid and that would further grind her fantasy about Nick’s return into the dust. She was also terrified it might be something really nice, but she wasn’t sure why. “It’s nice to see you didn’t forget about the tradition of bringing gifts.”
“I didn’t forget about a lot of things.”
The way he said it—all serious and intent while he looked as if he’d spent two years wandering in the desert and she was a tall, cool glass of water—sent another spike of heat through her body.
She should not let his good looks and generous gifts and intense gazes get to her. He’d not only ignored her for two years, but he’d also ignored her the entire week. She needed to stay strong and make sure she protected herself and her son from the kind of heartbreak that Nick seemed to specialize in. Nick would leave again, as sure as the sun rose and set, and Tanya would have to pick up the pieces. It was bad enough picking up her own pieces. She didn’t want to have Bear shattered, too.
She would not be seduced. Now she just had to keep telling herself that. “Gosh, you could have fooled me. Why are you really here, Nick?”
A shadow flashed over his face, but it was gone as quick as it had come. “I picked it out for you.”
Her hands were shaking, which was irritating. Why was she so nervous about this? In the space of a second, she found herself wishing she was taller, thinner, smarter and more reserved. But she wasn’t. Except for the extra baby weight, she was exactly the same girl she’d always been. And that girl hadn’t been enough for Nick.
She opened the bag. Inside was a huge bag of Skittles and a pink elephant with a big, blue bow around its neck.
Tanya’s throat closed up as her eyes began to water. She tried blinking, but the tears kept forming.
“It was our first real date, remember?” She was startled to hear Nick’s voice so close to her ear. She was even more startled to feel his hands slip around her waist. He’d sneaked up behind her, damn it, and now he was hugging her. That simple touch was enough to break her. His scent surrounded her. She couldn’t escape it. She couldn’t escape her past with Nick, so she didn’t even try. “Our first real date, because I was able to get a truck. I took you to that county fair and bought you Skittles because they were your favorite and won you a pink elephant shooting that water gun.”
As he spoke, he pulled her back against his chest until the heat from his body was searing the flesh on her back and underneath his hands. No, she hadn’t been imagining that he’d added muscle—she could feel the hard planes of his body crushing against her.
Nick pressed his mouth against her ear. “Remember? How we took the long way home and got lost and pulled over on that dirt road?” His lips brushed over her lobe, sending a shiver through her that she couldn’t have stopped if she’d tried. “Remember how bright the stars were? Remember how beautiful you were? I didn’t forget our first time, Tanya. Tell me you didn’t either.”
“No.” That one word was all she was capable of saying. A bag of Skittles and a pink elephant were just enough to bring that night rushing back to her. She remembered being scared and excited and so in love with him.
The more things changed, the more they stayed the same. A decade had passed since that night, and there wasn’t anything she wouldn’t give to go get lost down that dirt road with him again.
A whump came from the bedroom. Oh, no. Oh, hell. That was the sound of Bear flopping out of bed. As far as Tanya could tell, Nick didn’t know about the boy. It was up to her to keep it that way.
“What was that?” Nick asked, pulling away from her.
“Nothing.” Tanya spun and threw her arms around his neck, holding him in place. “Let me thank you for the present.” Then, against her every better idea, she kissed him.
It wasn’t supposed to be the kind of kiss that took all of her resolve and smashed it to bits. She was just trying to distract him from the sound of Bear jiggling the doorknob. But it didn’t work that way. Nick folded her back into his arms and just like that, the distance between them was gone and all Tanya could think was that Nick had come back for her. When he held her tighter, heat rushed down her back and pooled lower.
Oh, she needed him, in a primeval, instinctive way that had nothing to do with reason or logic and everything to do with the thrill of Nick’s tongue sweeping into her mouth. God, how she’d missed this feeling of being wanted and needed—of being loved. No one had ever loved her like Nick had, and she knew no one ever would. Was it wrong to want this? Was it really wrong to want him?
As the kiss deepened, she almost forgot why she’d kissed him in the first place. Twenty-two long, sexless months pushed her deeper and deeper into his arms until she shook. But then another thump cut through the desire—the sound of Bear banging his tiny fist against the door because he couldn’t work the knob. Nick jerked his head away. “Is there someone else here?” He let go of her and headed toward the bedroom door.
“No—no one else.” Tanya threw herself in Nick’s path. “Just me.” She plastered what she hoped was a sexy smile on her face in an attempt to hide her panic. “I, uh, wish I had a truck. We could go for another ride somewhere.” Anywhere Bear wasn’t.
Nick’s eyes zeroed in on her as Bear took up a steady pounding rhythm. He took another step forward, forcing Tanya to take another step back. “You’re not alone? Are you living with someone?”
The way he said it, like she’d been cheating on some poor, imaginary guy by kissing Nick, was enough to remind Tanya of all the reasons why she shouldn’t fall back in love with Nick under any circumstances, ever again. He wasn’t here because he loved her or trusted her. He was here because she was convenient. “No.”
Bear was now banging on the door with both fists. Tanya could tell because by now, Nick had her pinned against the door. “You’re lying to me.”
“What, that noise? It’s, uh, nothing.” She scrambled to think of something believable. “A dog. I have a dog. With a big tail. Knocks into stuff all the time. What can you do?” She tried to laugh as she put her hands on Nick’s shoulders. “He, uh, jumps. And sheds. We should leave him alone. Don’t want him to mess up your nice pants after all.”
She tried to push him back, and he let her. Then, at the last second, he pivoted, letting her momentum carry her right past him. He caught her arm to keep her from falling over at the same time he turned the knob and pulled open the bedroom door.
Bear stood there, silent tears running a race down his fat cheeks. He took one look at the strange man who held on to his mommy, opened his mouth to scream and didn’t make a sound.
He never did.
Tanya’s heart sank. The jig was up. It was time to face the music. “Dang it, Nick, you scared him.” Tanya jerked out of Nick’s grasp and scooped up her little boy. “Hush, sweetie.” Which was a pointless thing to say, but she said it anyway.
She held Bear and rubbed his back until he stopped flinging his arms around. His head rested on her shoulder and she could tell he was sucking his thumb. She wasn’t sure if he’d gone back to sleep or not until he reached up and laced his chubby fingers into the end of her braid. He was awake. Scooting around Nick, she went to the fridge and got him a sippy cup of water.
While Bear drank, Tanya watched Nick, who was staring at the boy. His mouth hung open as his eyes took it all in. One thing was clear—he hadn’t known she’d had a baby. He didn’t know she’d had his baby.
Maybe she could still keep it that way?
That was just the desperation talking. Now that Nick knew, he wouldn’t rest until he knew everything. How long would it be before he took Bear away from her? How long would it be until he left her all alone again?
While this irrational fear—at least, fear she hoped was irrational—clogged up her throat, she struggled to keep her face calm and blank. Do not panic, she tried to tell herself. Don’t give it away. “Well?” Because he was going to say something, sooner or later. And she didn’t think she could wait on later anymore. She just wanted to get this over with.
“You have a baby?” Nick’s voice wobbled.
Tanya felt a small thrill of victory that she’d managed to outsmart the smartest man in the tribe—for a little while anyway. “Yes.”
Nick shook his head, like he couldn’t trust his eyes. “He’s not mine, is he?”
The question was a punch to the gut. She couldn’t have imagined a lower insult coming out of his mouth. She’d loved Nick Longhair with every bit of her heart and soul since she was in sixth grade and he’d been a freshman in high school. She’d done everything he’d ever asked of her—even going into debt to go to college so he wouldn’t be ashamed of her. She’d planned on spending the rest of her life with him. Never once had she strayed—and this was how he repaid her devotion. By leaving her all alone and then assuming she’d been stepping out on him.
The whole deep-breathing thing wasn’t working so good. “He’s mine. That’s all you need to know.”
That came out louder than she meant it to, because Bear jerked and started thrashing. Nick fell back a step, like he was afraid of the baby. Men, she thought with a snort.
Nick regained his composure. “What’s wrong with him?”
“Did you come here just to insult my honor and mock my son? Because if that’s the only reason you’re here, you can just take your expensive clothes and your short hair anywhere else but here.” Bear jerked in her arms and began rolling his head against her shoulder. He didn’t like it when she yelled.
Nick looked at her for a nerve-racking second before he stood. Then he was closing the distance between them. He stopped just short of touching her or Bear. “That’s not why I’m here.”
“Then why are you? Why did you come back?” God, he was driving her mad. He’d always driven her past the point of rational. Why would she have expected that to change?
“Hi, guy. I’m Nick.” He reached over and took one of Bear’s small hands in his. “It’s nice to meet you.”
Bear looked at this strange man for a moment longer before he buried his face back in Tanya’s neck.
“What’s his name?”
“Edward, but everyone calls him Bear.”
“Bear.” He nodded in approval as he placed his hand on the top of Bear’s head and patted. “That’s a good, strong name. It’s nice to meet you, Bear.”
Tanya refused to be pleased that he liked it. She was done pleasing Nick. But she didn’t know what to say next that wouldn’t come out as an accusation or, worse, an insult, so she kept her mouth shut.
A look of peace came over Nick’s face, erasing the hard, lawyerly edge. In that instant, he was the man Tanya had loved with her whole being. He had come back to her—to them. She wanted to love him again. In that instant, she did.
It didn’t last. The peace disappeared and the edges came back, sharper than ever. Nick’s gentle pat suddenly seemed like he was holding on to Bear—with no intent of letting go. “Tell me, Tanya, how old is he?”
Nick would leave again. He would always leave. But she knew that this time, he wouldn’t go alone.
He would take her son.
Chapter 3
Nick leaned against the doorway to the bedroom, his gaze fastened on Tanya. God help him, she was a born mother. The way she held that little boy while she sang him an old song about mockingbirds pulled at Nick’s heart in a way that was strange and discomforting. Her voice hung on to each note in the song, filling the room with her quiet power. Somehow, she was even sexier now than before. Maybe it was just those curves, but that wasn’t enough to explain the almost-magnetic attraction he had felt this whole week. That was why he’d kept his distance at work. And with good reason. Right now, he was having trouble keeping his hands off her.
Nick counted backward for the twentieth time that night. He’d come home for his brother Jared’s high school graduation two years ago. No, he remembered—not exactly two years. Twenty-two months. Tanya had been at the party. It had been the first time he’d seen her for almost two years, but she’d been irresistible. He’d assumed she’d moved on while he’d been away, but she’d only had eyes for him.
They’d left the party separately, but he couldn’t get her off his mind. Just like the old days, he’d tapped on her window in the middle of the night. That night had been some of the most intense sex he’d ever had, before or after. No one compared to Tanya. It was just that simple.
That night had been twenty-two months ago.
How old was that baby? Based on his size, Bear couldn’t be much more than eight or nine months old. Not that Nick was an expert in children, but even he knew that smaller meant younger and bigger meant older.
However, that basic fact didn’t mesh well with the fact that the child had gotten out of bed, tried to open a door and settled for banging on it. Again, he was no expert, but Nick was pretty sure that babies didn’t start walking or opening doors until they were a year old, give or take. Nine months of pregnancy plus a thirteen-month-old baby would put Nick firmly into the potential-father category. Nine months of pregnancy plus an eight-month-old baby would rule him out.
How had the fact that Tanya had a baby gotten past him? Even as he asked himself that question, Nick knew the answer.
He didn’t talk to people on the rez anymore. Now that he thought about it, he hadn’t talked to anyone but his mother, and she only called every few months to demand money. Being made the youngest junior partner in the history of Sutcliffe, Watkins and Monroe, one of the most prestigious law firms in Chicago, failed to impress Mom. His perfect record in the courtroom was meaningless to her. She could care less that he was the first minority to achieve that accomplishment. All she cared about was how much money he had, and how much she could get him to send her.
Now that he thought about it, Nick did remember getting a couple of messages from Tanya. At the time, he’d assumed she was just having a hard time letting go and moving on. He’d justified not returning her calls as a clean break—for both of them.
Of course, if the break had been that clean, would he be standing here in her little house now? He doubted it.
Had she been calling to tell him about the baby? Or had his mother been telling everyone how he was rolling in dough, and Tanya had merely decided to get her cut?
If the boy was his, then Tanya wouldn’t have let a few misplaced messages keep her from telling him. She would have called and kept calling. She wouldn’t have left him out—that wasn’t the girl he’d known.
But then, neither was the Tanya who was out for money. She’d never cared about wealth—she’d told him so hundreds of times, back when they were dirt-poor Indians dreaming big. And if she was after the money, wouldn’t she have thrown that baby in his face the moment he’d set foot back on this rez, demanding child support? She hadn’t. She hadn’t said a word. Nothing about her actions reminded him of the girl he used to know.
But then, the woman in front of him wasn’t that girl either. Beyond the appearance of luscious, womanly curves—curves that took every noble intention of his and blew it to hell and back—Tanya didn’t look at him with the same adoration—the same, well, devotion. More than anything, she seemed pissed that he was here.
Nick looked around the tiny house. As houses on the rez went, it was quite nice. The windows were intact, the electricity was hooked up and the plumbing featured running water. The house was a hell of a lot nicer than the trailer he’d grown up in. By that lousy standard, she was doing well for herself. She didn’t need his money. Not desperately anyway.
But compared to the penthouse apartment he’d left behind in Chicago, this place was a dump. No other way to describe it. The house was smaller than his bathroom had been, with just an open kitchen/living room combo—he couldn’t use the term “great” room because it was anything but great—and a single bedroom. With no crib.
He flicked a piece of peeling paint off the doorframe and hoped to hell it wasn’t lead paint. Tanya wasn’t his. Maybe the kid wasn’t his. But he’d cared for her once, and it hurt to see her living in a hellhole like this. Grinding poverty made him defensive.
Tanya turned a slow circle as she rocked that baby to sleep. Her dark eyes flicked over him with brutal efficiency, as if he didn’t live up to her standards. Nick had had enough of that crap in law school. The only standards he lived up to were his own.
Tanya continued to turn until the face of that boy—Bear, Nick corrected himself—was in view. His little eyes were at half-mast, with one thumb in his mouth and the other hand buried in the end of Tanya’s braid. He was cute, as far as babies went. His round face looked so much like Tanya’s, but Nick couldn’t see any of himself in the boy.
Something was wrong with that kid. Wasn’t hard to see that, or to notice Tanya’s hyperdefensiveness. The boy hadn’t whimpered, much less screamed, since Nick had opened that door. Sure, he’d opened his mouth, but no single noise had escaped his body. The only sound had been his banging on the door. That wasn’t natural, Nick knew, and it bothered him. If Bear was going to grow up to be a Lakota man, he had to have a voice. A man needed to be able to make himself heard.
He’d always liked the concept of kids. In the back of his mind, he’d always planned on having a few—three, at least—and having the perfect family life. For a long time, he’d envisioned Tanya beside him at the Thanksgiving table or snuggled up to him as the kids opened present after present on Christmas morning. Just like the Cosbys, only Lakota. True, his life in Chicago had put those plans so far on the back burner that they almost fell off, and he was sure Tanya wasn’t open to the idea. The problem was, none of the women he’d dated in Chicago were the least bit interested in having a big family. But he kept telling himself that as soon as he made partner, he’d slow down and settle in.
Nick knew that he would be a good father—the kind of man who went to his kid’s T-ball games and helped with science fair projects. All the stuff he’d missed out on as a kid. Nick’s own father had been long gone for years. True, Nick had turned out okay—thanks to Bill Cosby—but his little brother Jared hadn’t. Mom said he was getting clean in prison. Jared wasn’t the only member of the tribe who’d gone down that path. Nick knew it would break Tanya’s heart if the same thing happened to Bear. The boy needed a father.
Assuming, of course, Nick was the father. And if he wasn’t, where was the guy? Why wasn’t he here helping out? What kind of jerk knocked up a sweet, smart girl like Tanya Rattling Blanket and then left her high and dry?
The tightness that hit him midchest was as hard as any punch. Love at first sight, part of his brain noted, categorizing this new feeling and comparing it against all previous emotions. He’d never fallen in love at first sight. Lust, sure. He was a man after all. But this was different. He had no idea if Bear was his son or not—probably not—but all the same, he knew he loved the little guy.
Tanya eased off the bed and gave her son one last look before she turned to where Nick was standing. However, she didn’t meet his gaze as she tried to slide past him.
Nick wasn’t having any of that. He took hold of her arm and leaned down to whisper, “What’s wrong with him?” in her ear. The smell of her—now he could tell it was soft baby powder underneath lemons—hit him in the nose and collided with that tight-chest feeling until he was dizzy.
She jerked her head back enough to glare at him, but he saw past the pissed and noted how her lower lip had the slightest of trembles. He wanted nothing more than to kiss that lip until the rest of her was trembling in his arms, but he didn’t. That wasn’t why he’d come here. Although he was having a little trouble remembering his original motives at this exact moment in time.
Tanya looked back at the bed for a fleeting second before she jerked her chin toward the other room. Nick nodded in agreement and followed her out into the living room. He didn’t let go of her arm, though. He just slid his hand down until he had a hold of hers. That basic touch was somehow reassuring. Or maybe the reassuring part was that she didn’t shake him off like a fly.
He expected her to stop in the living room, maybe sit on the ratty sofa. He expected her to pour her heart out to him, maybe lay on the sob story and then hit him up for some money. He’d seen that enough in Chicago.
But she didn’t. Instead, she pulled him right outside, underneath the fading crimson of a late-summer sunset. The moment had all the markers of being special—beautiful woman, perfect scenery, a reunion—but before he could do anything remotely close to kissing her, she spun on him, pulling her hand free. “Why are you here? You had a job in Chicago. You made a lot of money. Your mom said so. You weren’t a dirt-poor Indian anymore.”
The brutal truth of those words—his words—smacked him upside the head. He’d said that out loud. To her. “I did okay.”
“That’s what you wanted, wasn’t it? Why did you come back?” She didn’t shout it, but the forcefulness of her voice would have made the most cynical lawyer sit up and take notice, and Nick wasn’t that cynical yet.
“The tribe hired my firm.”
“But why you?” Her insistence was not comforting.
“This case is my specialty. And no,” he added quickly, cutting the words off before they could leave her mouth, “I can’t tell you anything about it if you don’t already know.” Truthfully, he hadn’t had a choice. It had been either take the case or find a new firm, but that sort of admission wouldn’t get him anywhere. As Nick knew all too well, perception was often more important in negotiations than reality. Time to redirect this conversation. “I wanted to see you again, Tanya.” He couldn’t help himself. He leaned in closer, catching her scent on his tongue again. It was insanity to want to taste all of her, but he did.
“I called, Nick. I left messages. But you never called me back.” Her voice lost all of its fierceness, and her eyes dropped to the ground. When he took that last step and closed the remaining distance between them, she put her hands on his chest. Clinging to that distance, he thought as he circled his arms around her waist. He should take the hint and back up, but he couldn’t. He had to feel her in his arms right now. “You were just gone.”
Part of him wanted to yell at her. She might never admit it, but Nick knew what she had really thought all those years ago—that he’d fail out there in the “big city” and come running back to her. Well, he hadn’t failed, and he sure as hell wasn’t running back to her. He hadn’t returned her calls because he hadn’t wanted her to think he was pining for her. He had tried to tell himself that he didn’t need her—he didn’t need anyone. He could take care of himself. Couldn’t she see that?
Except here they were. The moment he’d been able to get away from his case, he’d come right to her, expecting to find her waiting for him. No, not expecting—wanting. He wanted her to be waiting for him, for her to be happy to see him. She hadn’t been happy to see him at the office, but he’d told himself that was the professional thing to do, to keep their relationship quiet. Instead, she’d been trying to keep that baby quiet. She hadn’t been waiting for him at all. It was almost as if she hadn’t even missed him. He’d been working a hundred hours a week to prove to her that she should have had more faith in him, that she should have come with him, and now he didn’t even know if she’d given him half a thought in all that time. The sudden realization that perhaps he needed Tanya more than he was willing to admit left him feeling vulnerable. He didn’t like feeling vulnerable. It left him in a dangerous position of weakness.
He couldn’t let her see that weakness. He couldn’t let her know that she meant more to him than he did to her. The problem was, he couldn’t fabricate excuses to pacify her valid arguments either. She had him dead-to-rights. He could spout off excuses about being busy or being involved, but those were nothing more than excuses, and she was smart enough to see right through them. His only option was to go at her sideways. Maybe, just maybe, if he could get past her defenses, he could show her how much he really needed her. Then maybe they could go back to what they’d been before. He touched his forehead to hers and used his height to push her head back. “But I’m here now.” His lips grazed her temple, then her cheek. “God, I missed you, Tanya.”
She stiffened, and then pulled away. Suddenly, Nick was standing alone halfway between her house and his car while she was on her front stoop. She crossed her arms and glared at him. “Did you, now.”
He’d envisioned this going a little better. Smoother. More sensuality, less defensiveness. This conversation needed to move in a different direction. “I got a house in Sioux Falls. It’s only an hour away.” Mom had asked if he wanted his bed back, but there was no way in hell that Nick was going back there. It wasn’t the same hovel he’d grown up in—he’d sent Mom money to get a better place—but emotionally it was still a hellhole. “It’s got a gourmet kitchen and a huge master suite.” It also had two other bedrooms and a fenced-in backyard. A nice family home, the Realtor had said. But he wasn’t about to make it sound like he wanted Tanya to move in with him because that hadn’t been the reason Nick had taken it. The real reason was that it was the nicest place on the market in southern South Dakota, and even then it cost less than a quarter of what the condo in Chicago was worth.
“You bought a house?” The way she said it made it sound like he’d blown all his money on a gold-plated umbrella stand or something equally frivolous, not invested in real estate, and certainly not like she was angling for an invite.
“I’m just renting.”
The moment the words left his mouth, he knew he’d screwed up. The kind of open-mouth-insert-foot blunder that sunk careers in seconds.
Tanya’s face fell, and then fell some more before it disappeared under a blank, almost soulless mask. Any relationship they had had, or were going to have, was sinking, the decks blazing under the weight of his honest fireball. There would be no chance of raising this ship.
His stupidity made him desperate. “Tanya, wait—how old is Bear?”
“What does it matter, Nick? You’re renting. You won’t stay.” She turned and took a step into her house, but before she shut the door, she looked over her shoulder. Maybe it was a trick of the setting sun, but he thought he saw a tear race down her cheek. “You never do.”
Chapter 4
Monday came whether Tanya wanted it to or not. Part of her had come to terms with the fact that Nick knew about Bear. She’d never been that good at keeping secrets anyway. He would have found out sooner or later. Sooner had been the winner, that was all.
The other part of her was a wreck. Nick finding out about the boy hadn’t erased her worries, only replaced them with a different, larger set. What would Nick do next? He couldn’t be happy with her. Odds were decent he was furious with her. She might have guessed what the old Nick would have done, but this new man? No idea. She’d be lucky if he didn’t sue her into oblivion, most likely.
She didn’t have to wait long to get an answer to that particular question. Nick walked in at his regular nine o’clock and gave her the same look he’d given her all last week. Just seeing him again made her heart beat faster. But this time, he added, “Ms. Rattling Blanket, I’d like to see you in my office.”
Damn it. At least he wasn’t going to keep her on pins and needles the whole day. She grabbed a notepad and a pen and began the long walk back to his broom closet. The whole time, her stomach did flips. She knew he could grind her into the dust if he wanted to. He was too good a lawyer and had more money than she ever would. Tanya didn’t want to go down without a fight, but she was outclassed and outgunned, and she knew it. She kept telling herself that she had to protect Bear from Nick’s abandonment, but she knew deep inside that she had to protect herself.
She wished she hadn’t kissed him, no matter how wonderful that kiss had been. By letting him past that first physical barrier, she’d reminded herself in Technicolor of how Nick had always made her feel, of how he could still make her feel. The danger was, she still wanted that feeling. One stupid kiss was more than enough to show her that she still wanted Nick.
Nick was seated behind his desk. She was glad to sit in the chair because her knees didn’t feel like they were up to the task of holding her upright. “Yes?”
Nick didn’t look up. Instead, he kept reading a huge file and taking notes in the margins. “What’s wrong with Bear?” There wasn’t a trace of tenderness in his voice.
Dread started flipping around in her belly with the nerves. Tanya knew what this was. “You’ll find out one way or another, but you’ll feel better if I told you, right?”
Nick’s pen stopped moving, but he still didn’t look at her. Tanya preferred it that way—not seeing his eyes made it easier to remember that she didn’t know this man. “That is correct.”
She sat there, willing her knees to stop knocking. Nick turned a page, almost as if he’d forgotten she was there. A flash of anger made Tanya furious. She was sick and tired of being forgotten by Nick Longhair. By God, she would make sure he’d never forget her again.
“The doctor says there’s a problem with his ears. He gets a lot of ear infections, and he might be completely deaf. There’s something wrong with his vocal cords, too.” She paused, realizing how bad this must all sound. But she had Nick’s attention now. He’d set his pen down and was watching her. “That’s why he sleeps in the bed with me. I was nursing him, and he doesn’t cry. He just sort of…shakes. I was afraid I’d sleep through it when he really needed me.” Good Lord, that sounded even worse. What kind of mother couldn’t get her kid medical care? What kind of mother didn’t even have a separate bed for her baby? The kind that couldn’t take care of her child. The kind that shouldn’t have custody. “I’m not a bad mother,” she hurried to add, feeling stupid that she’d just given Nick all sorts of ammunition to use against her—if he wanted to.
Did he want to?
Nick shut his eyes, looking disgusted. With her. “How old is he?”
This was it—the ultimate way to make sure that Nick would always remember her. “He was only five pounds, seven ounces when he was born, but he was two weeks late.” She swallowed, trying to maintain a level of professionalism when the situation was anything but. Nick was a smart guy. She was willing to bet he could do the simple math of pregnancy and age in his head. “He’ll be one next week.”
The air in the small office chilled, as if frost was settling around them. Nick rubbed the bridge of his nose, then ran his hands through his still-too-short hair. He looked upset. Of course, if anyone made “upset” look good, it was Nick. Even now, he wore his angst handsomely.
Well, he could just be upset. Tanya held her ground. In a way, it was a relief to have the weight of the secret off her shoulders. But she was just too terrified of what Nick would do next to enjoy it.
Of course, he didn’t do any of the worst-case scenarios that Tanya had envisioned. Instead of blowing up, accusing her of child neglect or threatening her with a lengthy custody battle, Nick pushed his reading material aside and pulled out a leather-bound journal and a gold pen. Of course he had a gold pen. He probably had gold toothbrushes and a gold towel bar, just to impress his rich lawyer buddies. “Besides a crib, what else does Bear need?”
He sounded tired, but not as upset as he had looked moments before. That was the most unusual thing of all. At least Tanya had been correct in assuming she had no idea what Nick would do next. It was nice to be right about something. “He doesn’t really—”
Nick cut her off with a wave of his hand. “Yes, he does. He’s a year old now, and I’m sure that if he needs to wake you up, he’ll throw something at you.”
Tanya took a deep breath. She didn’t want to lose her temper. Just because he wasn’t upset now didn’t mean he wouldn’t come after her later, and Nick could use an outburst to paint her as a violent woman in court. “As I was saying, he doesn’t really need a crib. He’ll be able to crawl out of that soon. A toddler bed would be better.”
Now Nick did look up at her, half a smile on his face making him look devastatingly handsome. This would be so much easier if he wasn’t the man of her dreams—physically, at least. She wished she could find him disgusting or repulsive, but no. He had to be some sort of demigod over there. Tanya refused to buckle to his good looks. She would not get hysterical, furious—or turned on. “Good point. What else does he need? I want to get him some things for his birthday.”
“We’re fine, really.” What Bear really needed was the kind of stuff that one didn’t wrap up in bright, shiny paper with a bow—quality day care, fresh fruits and vegetables, medical care. None of those things made for a fun birthday party.
“I’ll get him a car seat for my car,” Nick said, pointedly ignoring her. Tanya saw that her plan to make sure Nick never forgot her again had instantly failed. He had no interest in her. His only concern was the boy. That realization made the dread in her stomach churn at an even faster rate. “He’s beyond one of those walker things…maybe there’s a baby store in Sioux Falls? I’ll check that out this weekend.”
“You don’t have to do that.” More to the point, she didn’t want him to do that. Was he trying to buy her off? She didn’t want to be in his debt. Owing Nick would be almost the same thing as being owned by Nick. She didn’t want to become another thing he owned.
“Yes, I do. He’s my son, isn’t he?” It wasn’t a question, not really. She realized he was trying to get her to say the words out loud. She refused to give him the satisfaction. Nick let his not-question hang for a few moments before he went on, “It’s my responsibility to take care of him.”
Tanya cringed at the implied criticism. What, did he not like the job she’d been doing? Of course not. Nothing in her world was ever good enough for Nick Longhair. “You’re a little late to this party. He’s almost one.”
“Because you didn’t tell me. I’m not a psychic, you know.”
He was going to blame this on her? Fat chance. The surge of anger pushed aside the dread. It felt good. Anger was power. She might not have the money or the connections, but she still had a hell of a lot to say, and he better believe he was going to hear it. “What was I supposed to do, Nick? I called. I left messages with a snooty-sounding secretary. You never called me back. Was I just supposed to show up? Plop a baby into your lap in court? Would they have even let me in the door?”
He opened his mouth, but she cut him off. She wasn’t about to give him the chance to charm his way out of this. “No, they wouldn’t have. And you know why? Do you remember the last thing you said to me? ‘Been good seeing you, Tanya. Have a nice life, Tanya.’ And then you drove off without a look back, like I didn’t mean anything to you.”
That was what had hurt the most. The fact that Nick had finished, zipped up and walked away without even so much as a how-do-you-do. That had hurt her worse than everything else combined. A lump tried to catch in her throat, but she swallowed, forcing it back down. No way in hell she was going to cry in front of Nick. “What part of that said, ‘Call me if you get knocked up’? What part of that said, ‘Call me’ at all? I’m not dumb. I know when I’m not wanted.”
“I didn’t say that.” The words were out fast—too fast. It was nothing more than a knee-jerk denial. “In fact, if I recall correctly, I asked you to come with me. You’re the one who said no. You’re the one who talked about our ancestors and our land. I’ve got news for you—this isn’t my land or my ancestors’ land. It never was. This is the worst land in the entire country—the bone the government threw to our ancestors because no one else wanted it. Why, on God’s green earth, you want to stay here and fight for this place is beyond me, Tanya. It always was.”
He was seriously going to make this whole thing her fault? “Get your facts straight, Nick—or is that no longer a requirement of the legal profession?” He snorted, but she wasn’t done with him yet. “You did ask me to come with you, but that didn’t happen two years ago. That was when you graduated from law school—or did you forget that, too? You didn’t ask me to marry you. Instead, you went on and on about the great place you were going to get and the cool car you were going to drive and all the things you were going to buy. You didn’t talk about us. Just about stuff. You made it sound like you were looking for someone to split the rent with. Why would you think I’d abandon even the worst piece of land in the country to be your roommate? You’re the one who thought you deserved the very best, Nick. Did it ever occur to you that I deserved the best, too? And that sure as hell wasn’t the kiss-off you gave me last time.”
“I was trying to give you a better life. It’s not my fault you didn’t believe I could really give you one. You’d already turned me down once—what was I supposed to do, keep asking so you could keep kicking me down?”
Wait, what? But before Tanya could process what he’d just said, he stormed on. “And I’ll have you know that under no circumstances did I tell you to have a nice life,” he repeated. His voice was firm, bordering on dangerous, but Tanya saw the doubt in his eyes. This wasn’t the knee-jerk denial—this was damage control.
He didn’t remember. He could talk a good game about never forgetting his first love and all that crap that was custom-built to make her think she was important to him, but she knew the truth. He had forgotten about her. She tried to say words to that effect, but that stupid lump kept moving up, so instead she just glared at him.
Still, it was nice to see that Nick was still capable of emotion. Right now, for instance, he looked guilty. Really, really guilty. That made her feel better. “You mean something to me, Tanya,” he offered up weakly. “You always have.”
Her anger bailed on her, and instead she was gripped by an overwhelming sadness. She couldn’t even glare at him. “But I don’t mean enough, Nick. Not as much as the big city and the big job and the big house means. Not as much as you mean to me.” Just saying the words out loud made that unavoidable truth hurt even more.
“Tanya, I’m—” His apology was cut off by the distant ringing of her phone.
Which was just as well. She didn’t want to hear his forced, halfhearted apologies. She scooped up her notebook and pen and walked out of his office with her head held high.
She loved him desperately. She always had, and she always would. But she would never ever be able to hold him. And that, more than the accidental pregnancy, more than life as a struggling single mother, was one of the great tragedies of her life.
Luckily, she was used to living with disappointment.
* * *
Tanya supposed she should have been surprised to hear a knock on her door two nights later, but by this point, she was fresh out of astonishment. She knew it was Nick by the way he knocked—three firm, hard raps that made it clear he wouldn’t take “no” for an answer.
Great. It wasn’t enough that Nick’s presence pervaded her working hours. No, he had to barge in on her family time, too.
He’s part of the family, a nagging little voice whispered in the back of her mind, but Tanya shut down that kind of thinking fast. He was the provider of a set of chromosomes, that’s all.
Before she opened the door, she took a deep breath and reminded herself that she was not to fall for anything Nick said or did. If he was here, he would probably try to sweet-talk her again, like he had the other night. But if he thought he was going to get a second kiss, he had another think coming. “Yes?”
Then she sucked in even more air. Nick the lawyer wasn’t on her front stoop. Instead of the button-up shirt and dress slacks, he was wearing a faded pair of blue jeans and a T-shirt that wasn’t skintight but was close enough to make her heart flutter. His hair wasn’t as slicked down either, but looked more tousled, like he’d been driving around with the top down.
Nick, part of her brain sighed in swoon-worthy fashion. The Nick she remembered. The only thing that was missing was the horse. Sure, those jeans had probably been made to look that broken in—for a heck of a lot of money, no doubt—but they rode low on his hips. She wanted him to turn around so she could see how they fit the rest of him.
“Hiya, Tanya.” The way he said it—low but in his old accent and with just a touch of teasing—made it clear that he knew what effect he had on her. She half expected him to ask her to go for a ride with him. It didn’t matter that she wanted to say yes, because that would be a mistake.
Even just standing here with a good three feet between them, Tanya could feel the pull of Nick’s body. All the fires she’d accidentally stoked with that ill-advised kiss last week began to heat her from the inside out.
Already, her mind was attempting to rationalize her undeniable attraction to Nick. Would one more time really be such a bad thing—as long as they used protection? Surely, two mature, careful people could take care of certain…needs together without things getting messy again. As long as she didn’t fall back into that hopeless, pining kind of love again, surely she could get a little physical relief. Scratch a Nick-sized itch, such as it was. And who better to help her out than the man who already knew what she wanted and knew how to give it to her? The very object of her fantasies? No awkward getting-to-know-you phase, no more ugly surprises. Just two consenting adults doing a little scratching. It didn’t have to be a big deal.
She shook herself. The last time she’d strained with this level of absurd justifications, she’d wound up with Bear. She couldn’t make that kind of stupid mistake again.
Nick was still standing there. She realized she had no idea how long she’d been lost in her own little world. Apparently long enough to make this awkward, because Nick said, “Is it okay if I come in?”
Tanya realized his arms were filled with bags bursting at the seams. “What is all that?”
He waited until he was inside before dropping all the stuff with a whump. “I got some stuff for the baby—I mean, Bear.”
From where he’d been throwing his Cheerios onto the floor from his high chair, Bear’s head snapped up. He wriggled so hard that Tanya had to get him out and set him down before he tipped the whole thing over. In his herky-jerky baby way, he walked over to where Nick was pulling board books and balls and big, chunky cars with flashing lights out of Super Mart bags. “Do you like cars?” he asked Bear, who clapped his hands with excitement. “Here,” Nick said, handing the boy a fire truck. “Try that one on for size, big guy.”
While Bear chewed on the ladder, Nick kept unpacking. The next bag held a bunch of clothes with the tags still dangling off the sleeves. Pants, shirts, shorts, T-shirts with cartoon characters on them—more clothes than Bear and Tanya had put together.
“I didn’t know what size he needed, but I figure that kids grow, right?” Nick didn’t wait for an answer as he started unpacking another bag. This one was full of more winter clothes, including a huge coat. “So I got some twelve to eighteen months, some eighteen to twenty-four months. You can take them back if they don’t fit.”
Tanya was stunned. How much money did he spend on all of this? A couple hundred at least. To him, it was probably just another day, but all of this stuff was more than she could afford in a year of careful scrimping and saving. How sad was it that she was even considering returning some of it just to get the cash? She could get enough to take Bear to a doctor, maybe even enough to pay for the prescription this time.
Nick took a pair of winter boots and a cute stuffed bear out of the last bag. “Here you go, Bear. Your very own bear.”
Bear grabbed at the animal. Tanya felt her head shaking. Nick had come prepared, and Bear was too young to know he was being bought off.
“This is too much,” she started to say, but Nick cut her off.
“The toddler bed is back-ordered, so it’ll be two weeks.” He ducked his head and shot her a sheepish smile. “I couldn’t figure out the car seat, though. Might need a little help with that.”
“We can’t accept this.” She didn’t have much, but she had her pride. And she wouldn’t let Nick put a price on it.
Nick’s eyes hardened—not much, but enough to let her know that he didn’t think too much of her opinion. “‘We’? Or just you?” He looked down to where Bear was now chewing on his new bear’s nose. “I think he’s happy to have some nice things.”
“Because the only things I can give him are complete and total crap, right?” Tanya struggled to keep her voice calm, but she didn’t do a good enough job. Bear looked up at her with worried eyes.
“I didn’t say that.”
“Admit it—you don’t think I’m a good mother.”
“I didn’t say that.” Nick had the same controlled, pissed tone to his voice. “Stop putting words into my mouth.”
“Where else should I put them? I have a few suggestions.”
She expected Nick to come back at her with both barrels blazing, but instead, he smiled—and then laughed. Bear watched them for another moment before he broke out in a toothy grin and went back to chewing on his toy.
“What?” she demanded, feeling foolish and not knowing why.
He closed the distance between them in two long steps, and before Tanya could stop him or react at all, he’d wrapped his arms around her and placed a fire-hot kiss on her forehead. “I know you won’t believe this, but I have missed you, Tanya. No one in Chicago talks to me like you do.”
Tanya’s arms shook with the effort not to return the favor and pull Nick’s hard chest closer to hers. She wasn’t being swayed by any compliment, any tender gesture. None of this was working. Really.
He leaned down, his voice quiet and only inches from her ear. The warmth of his breath rolled down her skin until a lot more than her arms shook. “I’m going to be here for at least a year. You don’t have to love me, babe, but let me see my son. A boy should know his father.”
That was a damnably low blow, one that blew past her anger and went straight for her heartstrings. Who would she be hurting if she fought to keep Bear from Nick? Sure, she could exact some revenge for Nick’s repeated abandonment of her. But in the long run, it was Bear who would suffer. Would she really do that to her son?
Could she really do that to Nick?
As if he could feel that the attention of the adults had shifted away from him, Bear launched the teddy and began to flail. Tanya took a step toward him, but Nick put a hand on her shoulder. “I got him,” he said, a peaceful smile on his face.
Tanya watched as the man of her dreams swooped her son up into a big hug and then grabbed a board book and settled down to read him a story about a very hungry caterpillar. Tears swam across her vision.
She couldn’t keep Bear from Nick. She just couldn’t.
But what would letting Nick back into her life do to her?
Chapter 5
Throughout the evening, Nick could feel Tanya watching him. She stared while he read Bear stories. She kept an eagle eye on him as he and Bear rolled a ball back and forth on the floor. And she hovered behind him as Nick fumbled his way through his first diaper change. She didn’t tell him he was doing it wrong, though. Hell, she didn’t say anything. She just watched.
Nick didn’t remember all the words to the bedtime song Tanya had sung the other night, so he stuck with the classic “Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star.” Of course, while he sang it, Tanya stood in the doorway of the small bedroom, a look on her face that drifted between irritated and hopeful, with a dash of worried thrown in for good measure.
In other words, she looked confused.
That bothered Nick. What about this situation wasn’t black and white? He was Bear’s father, and as such, he had certain rights and obligations. He had a right to spend time with his son, and a correlating obligation to provide financial assistance for his care. Now that Nick was aware of the situation, he planned to step up to the plate and be a father.
So the situation with his son couldn’t be what was worrying Tanya, which only left one other possibility. She was worried about him.
And that bothered him, and the fact that it bothered him was a problem in and of itself. When the hell had he gotten to be such a nice guy? He had the legal upper hand here, and they both knew it. Tanya had admitted Bear had health problems and that she couldn’t afford proper medical treatment. Gaining custody would be a walk in the park. If he were still in Chicago, he’d use those facts to maximize his advantage. That was how the game was played. The moment someone showed weakness, whether it was opposing council or a coworker, you had to use that weakness to your advantage.
Tanya’s passions ran deep and true, and up until now, he had never viewed that as a weakness. He’d never viewed her as weak at all. Headstrong, stubborn, passionate—yes. Especially the passionate part. Nick knew he tended to be overly analytical. That trait made him a damn good lawyer, but he’d been accused of being cold and, on more than one occasion, heartless. Tanya’s passion had always been the perfect counterpoint, whether they were arguing about tribal politics or having incredible sex.
Of course, the flip side of the game he played in Chicago was that anything you said and did could be used against you, too. What would Marcus Sutcliffe think if he knew Nick had fathered a disabled bastard? More than likely, he’d scoff in an unsurprised way and say something like, “What do you expect from one of those Indians?”
Even thinking about Bear like that made Nick feel sick to his stomach. How could he define his own son that way? He knew the answer—that’s how it would look in court. But that would be the same as dismissing Nick as the token Indian. No way was he going to let people slap a label on his son, because the moment they did that, Bear would spend the rest of his life trying to live that label down.
Nick looked down at the boy, his thumb in his mouth, his eyes half-closed. That tightness hit his chest again. He would do whatever it took to make sure that Bear wasn’t dismissed. He needed a voice, and Nick was in the position to give him one.
Did Tanya understand anything about the games Nick was used to playing? She couldn’t, because she’d never shown up in Chicago with the baby. A person with less-than-sterling morals would have made dangerous threats of exposure in hope of extracting some money. Extortion was the legal term, but it would be blackmail, pure and simple. Nick saw it happen all the time.
But Tanya wasn’t like all those other people. It was apparent that she had no idea how much power she held in this situation. And even if she did, he didn’t think she’d use it. Somehow, despite her dirt-poor upbringing and barely-getting-by lifestyle, she had managed to remain pure and uncompromised. Hell, she’d even tried to refuse his gifts, despite how much she obviously needed them. Nick couldn’t remember the last time he’d dealt with a person who wouldn’t play the game. While it was refreshing to know that she couldn’t be bought, it left Nick with the unsettled feeling of knowing the rules had changed but not knowing what they’d changed to.
Nick’s morals were just shy of sterling. Maybe he’d played the Chicago games long enough that he’d been permanently tarnished. Winning primary custody of Bear would be easy—he could steamroll Tanya in a courtroom without breaking a sweat. He could get his son out of this hellhole of a rez and take him to Chicago. He could give Bear the finest medical care, the best schools, the nicest things—all the advantages that Nick had only dreamed about as a kid. He didn’t need Tanya’s permission. He could do whatever he wanted. Part of him wanted to do just that—show her exactly what he’d accomplished without her. She hadn’t let him give her a better life—that was her problem. But Nick didn’t have to let her withhold that life from Bear. In fact, he could make a strong argument that it was his moral imperative to gain primary custody of his son. He had worked his butt off for the last four years, amassing a small fortune and an unstoppable reputation. The least he could do was to share the benefits of all his hard work with his son. Then, maybe Tanya would finally realize that he hadn’t been selfishly focused on himself, but working for a life they could live together.
But he didn’t want to steamroll her. He didn’t want to be the one who took everything she held most dear and ground it into the dirt. Maybe it was being back under the wide South Dakota sky, or maybe it was the little boy who was almost asleep in his arms, but Nick didn’t want to win at all costs this time. Oh, he still wanted to win, but he didn’t want to salt the earth behind him. Tanya had always meant something to him. He didn’t want to destroy that. He didn’t want to destroy her.
He tried to set Bear down just like Tanya had done the other night, but got his arms crossed up and wound up flopping the kid onto the bed. He froze, terrified he had just woken the baby up again, but after an extra-deep sigh, the little guy rolled over. Nick looked to Tanya, hoping to see approval or a smile on her face, but was surprised to see that she’d already turned away. In fact, if he didn’t know any better, he’d say she was sprinting down the small hallway.
Moving as quietly as he could, Nick followed. By the time he got the bedroom door shut, she was out the front door. Oh, no. No way she was going to run away from him now.
At the very least, they had to work out a visitation schedule, and he had to know more about Bear’s health—especially if he was going to start paying the medical bills. Tanya was still healthy, and Nick had never had any issues. It couldn’t be normal for Bear to have so many massive health issues. There had to be an external cause. Maybe it was just because Nick had litigated so many major pollution cases, but his first thought was that that external cause was environmental. What were the odds that Bear’s silence was connected to the contamination of the groundwater that the tribe maintained had occurred as a result of Midwest Energy’s fracking?
But if that was the case, why wasn’t Tanya just as sick? That was the part that didn’t make sense to Nick, so he had no justifications for jumping to conclusions. He wasn’t going to rule anything out yet. All this meant was that he needed to do a little more research. The boy was going to have to get tested. If there was a chance he could be cured or fixed or whatever, Nick had to make sure that happened. And if the results happened to bolster his case, well, he’d have another piece of evidence in his pocket.
But environmental concerns were not the real reason he took off after Tanya. Despite it all—her rejection of him, the hidden baby with health problems, the adversarial tone to their interactions—he wanted her. While he was fully aware that she’d kissed him out of self-defense the other night, there was no way she’d faked the heat that had flowed between them. He could still taste her desire on his lips. All that was complicated and tense had disappeared in that hot moment until he’d forgotten about lawsuits and reservations and everything that wasn’t Tanya. He needed Tanya. It wasn’t any more complicated than that.
Except it was. It always had been. Maybe it always would be, because by the time he caught up to her, she was standing next to his Jaguar, arms crossed and an unassailable look on her face.
Right. As much as he wanted to feel her body in his arms again, if he forced the issue, he would do more harm than good. He couldn’t let her know that he needed her more than she needed him. Never ever show weakness. “Like I said, I was having a little trouble with the car seat.”
“Have you considered that the problem wasn’t the seat, but your car?” She spoke stiffly, but he could still hear a tiny tease in her voice.
He was glad to hear that tease, however small. “Are you suggesting that a two-seater convertible is not the ideal family car?”
“We aren’t a family,” she snapped, then took a step forward and wrenched the passenger door open.
Nick sighed. She wasn’t going to make this easy on him, but he supposed he had that coming. “I read the instructions,” he offered. “I couldn’t find the LATCH things it said to use.”
She hauled the car seat from where he’d wedged it in the passenger seat and set it on the ground. “Because car seats don’t go in the front.” She gave his Jaguar another once-over. Most women—in fact, all women—swooned over his car. Proof positive that Tanya wasn’t like anyone else, he figured. “But I see you are sadly lacking in a backseat, so…”
Then she flipped the car seat around and shoved it back into the car. After several unproductive pushes, she turned around, and, hands on hips, gave him a stern look. Her hair had come loose from her braid and floated around her face, and her cheeks were pink from the effort. Heaven help him, she was beautiful. He hadn’t guessed she could be more attractive than he remembered her, but those curves, that fire in her eyes—he had a few more less-than-sterling thoughts.
“You push from this side,” she said, slipping around the back of the car before he could do anything rash like kiss her.
Before he understood what she was doing, Tanya had climbed in through the driver’s-side door and was hauling on the car seat. Then he heard it—the sickening sound of plastic scraping against his custom burl-walnut dash. “Stop!”
She paused. “It’s the only way to get it in.” The way she said it made it clear that she thought he was choosing the car over the kid.
He wanted to tell her that it was a very expensive car, but he knew that observation wouldn’t go over real well. Instead he leaned over the seat, making sure to brace it so she couldn’t keep scraping up his woodwork. “He shouldn’t be riding in the front seat anyway.” Clearly, he was going to have to rethink this plan. “Maybe you could bring him out to my place this weekend?”
Tanya’s eyes bored into him. He realized that his face was less than a foot from hers. “This may come as a surprise to you, but I have plans.”
Her tone kept rubbing him the wrong way. Yes, he had earned a little flack, but that didn’t give her the right to treat him like the enemy. She was just as much a culpable party in this as he was. She’d stayed here of her own choice, so she could quit treating him like he’d abandoned her. As far as he could tell, he was not the bad guy here, and the sooner she stopped treating him like he was, the easier things would be. “This may come as a surprise to you, but not everything I say is a direct attack on you.”
She held his gaze without flinching. He leveled his most effective glare at her, and she met him head-on. Despite the attitude, he was impressed that she didn’t buckle. “So you’re leaving indirect attacks on the table.”
He was about to cut her down to size—he did not need all this resistance in his life—but then the corner of her mouth curved up and the angry lines faded from around her eyes. And just like that, she was radiant.
The air between them seemed to thin, making it hard to breathe. Relinquishing his grip on the car seat, he reached up and smoothed an escaped strand of hair away from her face before he cupped her cheek in his hand. “I have missed you, Tanya.”
She leaned into his touch, her eyelids fluttering—but not quite closing. Instead, she opened them wide. The confrontation was gone; instead, he saw desire just below the surface. This time, it wasn’t hiding behind ulterior motives. It was right out where he could see it.
“I don’t have to love you.” She tried to throw his words back at him, but she couldn’t stop the way her voice shook. He could feel that tremor through his hand. It was a small thing, but he still felt it throughout his entire body.
Mentally, he pumped his fist in victory. For once, she didn’t have a barb ready to throw at him. “But you still care for me, don’t you?” You still want me is what he really wanted to ask, but that would be pushing too far, too fast. Besides, Tanya was smart enough to know what he’d really been asking.
She dropped her gaze, her face flushing with a different sort of heat. Nick could hear the yes on her breath. He could see it in her eyes. But she didn’t say it. Instead, she pulled away and backed out of the car.
He’d lost her. Maybe she was better at playing this game than he thought. But he wouldn’t let his disappointment show. Part of playing the game was not letting the other side know when they had you on the ropes. He stood. Tanya stood by the driver’s door. He could feel the weight of her expectations. He just wasn’t sure what she expected of him. She wanted him, that much was clear. But she didn’t trust him. Though she seemed open to letting him spend more time with Bear. Maybe he’d been wrong earlier—this situation wasn’t as black-and-white as he wanted it to be. Not for her anyway. “I’d still like to see Bear this weekend.” Of course, he’d like to see Tanya, too, and preferably without a car between them.
“You’re welcome to come with us.”
Was he mistaken, or was there a challenge in her eyes? “Sure, I could do that. Where are you going?”
No, he wasn’t mistaken. She was throwing down the gauntlet. “There’s a powwow in Platte.” Her smile grew menacing. “I’m sure everyone would love to see you again.”
Nick’s mouth ran dry. He’d been to powwows before. He’d done his fair share of dancing. But that had been a long time ago. A lifetime ago, some would say.
Powwows were big deals on the rez. Everyone came for the food and the dancing. Which meant everyone would be there. All those people who he hadn’t seen in years—people who still lived in crappy trailers, who still drank themselves into a stupor. His family would be there.
Everything he’d tried to escape.
Tanya was waiting on an answer. Nick knew he should say something smooth, something that wouldn’t knock her opinion of him down another notch—“Sounds great” would be a good start—but he couldn’t do it. It was bad enough to work in a hole of a broom closet, worse to see his son living in near-poverty. He couldn’t bring himself to willingly lower himself any more. He was not going to be one of “those Indians,” damn it. Not for Tanya. Not even for Bear. Not for anyone.
And to think, just a half hour ago, Nick had been sure Tanya didn’t play any games. Well, she’d played him—right into a corner. And the only way out was through her.
So he went on the offensive. He couldn’t help it. She had him trapped, so he had to do an end-run. “How many of those people know I’m Bear’s father? No one at the office seems to have a clue.”
It worked. “What?”
“My own mother never mentioned you had a kid. Did you tell people you had a one-night stand after a weekend of drinking? Immaculate conception? Who did you name as the father?”
If he were half the lawyer he thought he was, he wouldn’t be letting the crestfallen look on her face make him feel the slightest bit guilty. She’d backed him into a corner—he’d just returned the favor. He should not feel bad for her.
But he did, damn it all. Her eyes watered, but he had to admire her self-control, which kept those tears from spilling over. “He was small,” she said, the fierceness in her voice at odds with the wounded expression on her face. “People assumed he was premature. No one suspects you.” She spat the last word out like she’d expected to eat some chocolate and gotten a Brussels sprout instead. “And I don’t expect you to come to the powwow. I wouldn’t want you to debase yourself. God forbid you act like an Indian, Nick. God forbid you be an Indian.”
He watched her storm back into her dinky house and slam the door. At least he’d been right about one thing. No one in Chicago talked to him like Tanya did.
He wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or not.
Chapter 6
Tanya walked around the outside of the dance circle. Well, walked was a strong word. She lurched around it, with Bear holding on to both of her hands as he smiled at everyone and every thing—even a bear headdress got a grin. The elders sitting in lawn chairs patted Bear on the head; a few dancers in full regalia swooped him up and spun him around. The red, black and yellow fringe on Bear’s dance shirt whipped around him, almost as if the yarn was laughing out loud for him.
She loved coming to the powwows. When she’d been younger, she’d competed in the fancy shawl dance, her fringe spinning as much as Bear’s did this afternoon. However, now that she was older, she preferred to do the traditional dance. The fringe still swayed, but not with the same fervor.
Tanya chatted with people as they made the rounds. Socializing was a huge part of the powwow, but she also took mental notes on who needed to have a hot meal delivered or who was in danger of having their power shut off this winter. One of the reasons she stuck with the receptionist job at the Tribal Council was that Councilwoman Mankiller would sit down with her once a month and listen to Tanya’s “news from the front,” as she called it. If there was enough money in the budget, Councilwoman Mankiller authorized Tanya to pay an electric bill or do the grocery shopping for the elders. It wasn’t a lot, but Tanya could say she was making life better for her tribe, one meal at a time. That was why she’d wanted to be on the Council in the first place—once she had some real power, she’d be able to move up from one meal, one bill at a time to wider initiatives. She’d love to get a real grocery store opened on the rez—that would bring in some local jobs and provide better food choices than what was available at the Qwik-E Mart gas station. But she had to build up considerable political capital to do that. That was why she hadn’t taken Rosebud Armstrong up on her offer to be the legal secretary for her private practice. Tanya had to pay her dues, and she wanted to stay on the front lines where she could make a difference now.
Of course, her position as a receptionist in the Council office was also good on-the-job training for when Tanya ran for the Council. She had already learned which members always voted no, which ones were vulnerable and which ones were untouchable in an election. She hoped that in two or three years, she’d be in a solid position to make her first run. And part of solidifying that position was making a positive impression on both the voting members of the tribe and the Council itself now, although she hated to qualify her good deeds in such a selfish way. She was making a dent—that was what really counted.
Still, Nick’s presence had complicated things—and that was putting it mildly. She’d never been able to say no to him, so the fact that she hadn’t let him kiss her the other night was, well, weird. Tanya was proud of herself for not letting Nick charm her into something she would regret. She was sticking to her guns. It made her feel surprisingly grown-up.
But she also felt terrible, and she wasn’t exactly sure why. Nick was trying—in his materialistic kind of way—and she felt as if she was slamming every door in his face. She wanted to be glad to see him. She wanted to be happy he was interested in their son. She desperately wanted something good to come out of this. What, she didn’t know. Maybe that was the problem.
The emcee called for all dancers to line up for the opening dance. Tanya slow-walked Bear to the end of the line, where he tried to grab the jingle cones off the dress in front of him. Everyone laughed, and Tanya had a moment of profound peace with the situation. She belonged here, and so did Bear. This place, these traditions, these people—they were a part of her. She wouldn’t turn her back on them.
The emcee was in the middle of the opening prayer when Tanya felt something change, like lightning had struck nearby. She glanced around, but no one else seemed to notice the strange charge to the air.
Then she saw him. Nick Longhair was on the other side of the circle watching her. He had one boot-clad foot on the lowest rung of the fence, and an expensive-looking cowboy hat tipped back on his head. The jeans were dark, the T-shirt was tight and the belt buckle shone in the sunlight. He looked like the old Nick, dressed up fancy for a big date. A more expensive version of the old Nick, that was. But the sight of him was enough to make her light-headed. Not the old Nick. A better Nick.
Tanya gasped when his eyes locked on to hers. He’d come. He was really here. Or she was hallucinating, but if this was a dream, it was the best dream she could imagine. He wasn’t so ashamed of his heritage that he wouldn’t even put in an appearance at a powwow. He wasn’t so ashamed of her that he wouldn’t be seen in public with her.
The drumming started, and the line began to move into the dance circle. Nick stayed where he was. A few people came up to talk to him, and from what Tanya could see as she and the other dancers moved around the circle, Nick was being friendly instead of standoffish. He shook hands and slapped the backs of a couple of guys who Tanya recognized as old classmates. He even seemed to smile as people pointed to his short hair. He didn’t look resentful or act like he was here against his will. Maybe he was faking it—she wouldn’t put it past him, not after she’d seen the look of horror on his face when she’d suggested he come to the powwow in the first place. But if he was faking it, at least he had the decency to fake it well.
Finally, the opening dance ended. Nick had moved around to the entrance to wait for them. “Hiya, Tanya.” He had the gall to tip his hat.
That irritating light-headedness got less light. She could feel the pressure of dozens of eyeballs boring into her back. Everyone knew they’d once been an item. Everyone knew she had a child. As far as everyone knew, Nick didn’t know about Bear until this very moment.
Clearly, everyone was waiting for a scene.
Tanya was frozen. She should do something—what, exactly, eluded her—but she couldn’t even open her mouth. Nick didn’t jump into the gap either. He stood with his hands on his hips, a smile that was more of a challenge than a greeting on his face. Your move, his dancing eyes seemed to say to her. But she had no move to make.
Good Lord, the whole crowd of people around them was silent. The drummers weren’t even drumming, which meant there was no sound to drown out the pounding of her heart. She didn’t have a plan B. Hell, she wasn’t sure she had a plan A, unless passing out from confusion was a plan. If it was, it wasn’t a good one, that much she knew.
Bear was the one who broke the tension, God bless the boy. He began clapping and waving at Nick, clearly remembering the nice man who came with toys. “Hi, guy,” Nick said as he plopped his cowboy hat down on Bear’s small head.
A good-natured chuckle passed through the crowd, the drummers picked up the next drumbeat and the powwow moved on.
Tanya didn’t, though. Dumbstruck, she couldn’t do much more than keep a grip on Bear. Part of her brain noted that this particular reaction probably meshed well with the fallacy that Nick hadn’t seen the boy before. But mostly she was relieved that the spotlight had shifted off her.
“I can’t believe you came.” Dang it all, her voice came out quiet and wobbly.
“I think I was invited,” was all the response she got.
They couldn’t keep standing here. Even if the crowd wasn’t collectively holding their breaths, people were still watching—and waiting for something to happen. “Um, Mom’s got a spot this way, if you want to come say hi.”
“I’d love to see Doreen.” Again, there was that sincerity that Tanya wasn’t sure was entirely sincere. Still, it was something to do that moved them away from the crowd, so Tanya headed back to where Mom had spread out her picnic blanket and set up folding chairs. The spot was tucked away on the north side of the dance circle, underneath a pair of scrawny pine trees that provided little shade.
Mom sat in one of the chairs, fanning her face with a folded paper plate. It wasn’t that hot. Tanya’s mortification veered off into concern. Mom’s headaches were getting worse and worse.
However, when she saw Tanya and Nick heading straight for her, Mom sat up and managed a pleasant smile. Of course, Mom knew that Nick was Bear’s father. Tanya couldn’t have kept that secret from her own mother if she’d tried. “Nick Longhair, as I live and breathe!”
Tanya couldn’t help sighing. Mom was going to do this over the top. She loved her mother, she really did, but she didn’t see how Mom’s reaction would make this situation less awkward.
“Hello, Doreen. How are you doing?” Nick walked over and put his arm around her shoulders. “It’s great to see you.”
Tanya looked around, noting how many people were keeping tabs on the situation. Only fifteen or so. Not everyone, but enough that the gossips would find plenty of firsthand accounts.
“Missed seeing you around,” Mom said, pulling off a good, stern tone as she looked at Bear.
“I think I’ll be around a lot more now.” Nick’s voice was smooth as he took Bear from Tanya’s arms. He tickled the baby under the chin, then tossed him up in the air. Bear threw his arms and legs out, the wide smile on his face as loud as any scream of delight.
Was that his real, sincere answer—or was he just telling Mom what she wanted to hear? Tanya so much wanted to believe that he meant it, but she couldn’t forget what he’d said just the other night—he’d be here for a year at least. Sure, he’d be around a lot more—for a year. But after that?
Would Nick get tired of playing at being an Indian again, or worse, tired of playing daddy, and hightail it back to Chicago the first chance he got?
It almost didn’t matter what the answer was. As Tanya watched, he sat cross-legged on the blanket and let Bear take his hat on and off his head while keeping up a polite, friendly conversation with Mom. Every so often, Nick would glance up at Tanya and give her the kind of warm smile that made her want to melt.
Maybe it didn’t matter that he would leave, which she was certain he would do. Maybe all that mattered was that he was here now.
* * *
“So you watch Bear during the day?”
“Monday through Friday,” Doreen said. “We have a good ol’ time, me and my Bear—don’t we, sweetie?” She leaned over and touched Bear on the nose. “We watch some cartoons, make some lunch, play some games—Nana’s house is always fun, isn’t it, baby?”
Nick was sure Tanya had said Bear was partially deaf, but as far as he could tell, the little boy understood the vast majority of what was said to him. Right now, for example, he was stretching his arms up to Doreen as if to agree that yes, they did have loads of fun together.
But beyond that, Nick was shocked by how much Tanya’s mother had changed since he’d seen her last. Her weight had ballooned—not that unusual on the rez, where the only grocery store within sixty miles was a Qwik-E Mart. However, Doreen’s weight seemed to congregate in her legs, to the point that she couldn’t get shoes on her feet.
How did she keep up with Bear when she could hardly walk? That worried Nick, but not as much as the way Doreen’s glassy eyes blinked at different speeds. The woman looked like she was in the middle of the world’s worst migraine.
“How have you been feeling?” he asked cautiously.
“Oh, you know,” Doreen replied, casually waving away his concern, “we all have our crosses to carry.”
Nick nodded in sympathy, but mentally, his wheels began to turn. He’d spent the last two weeks thinking about one of three things: Tanya, Bear and his current case. He was hip-deep in statements of denial from Midwest Energy Company about whether they had actually drilled underneath the Dakota River and onto the Red Creek Reservation for natural gas, and even if they had—which they were not admitting in a court of law—they were sure the chemicals used in hydraulic fracturing, or fracking, wouldn’t have polluted anything.
But other evidence showed that those chemicals were showing up in groundwater. When that groundwater made it into homes, people were being poisoned, one glass of water at a time.
Nick had already checked the maps. Tanya’s little house was several miles outside the radius the tribe maintained was polluted. Doreen’s house was right in the middle of it.
Most medical studies of the chemical pollutants talked about the neurological problems that occurred when people drank contaminated water. Nick was still working his way through the accusations by the tribe and the denials by Midwest. Now, however, he began to think that he needed to spend more time investigating the human impact of the pollution.
Doreen and Bear just might turn out to be the keys to his case. He just had to prove that Doreen’s water was contaminated and that both she and Bear were sick because of it. And if he could tie the hearing and speech problems of an innocent child directly to the actions of a money-grubbing corporation—well, that’s when lawyers started tossing around phrases like “slam dunk” and “sure thing.” When confronted with that kind of adorable evidence, corporations were much more likely to sign off on huge settlements than be labeled child poisoners. And the sooner everyone signed off on huge settlements, the sooner Nick could go back to his real life.
Even as he thought about going back to Chicago, Nick took in his surroundings. Bear had climbed into his lap and was now sucking his thumb, apparently on his way toward a nap. The sky was huge; the steady drumbeat and the whirling dancers in the nearby circle made him feel alive. Some of the guys had given him crap about cutting his hair, but no one treated him like an outsider—not to his face anyway. Despite his earlier concerns about coming to the powwow, he was having fun. Fun had been the last thing on his mind when he’d made his decision. He’d only come to prove Tanya wrong, but he had the sinking feeling he’d actually proved her right.
He was going to go back to his life in Chicago, that was a given. Things here were worse than ever—at least all he’d had to worry about when drinking the water from the river as a kid had been getting an upset stomach. Now the water here was contaminated. Even if he wrung a huge settlement out of Midwest Energy, it still wouldn’t cover the whole cost of cleanup once the legal fees were paid. And even though he had no concrete evidence, there was no doubt in his mind that Bear’s health issues were directly connected to that contamination. All of which made one thing brutally clear.
He couldn’t leave Bear on this rez.
He watched Tanya as she prepared to enter the circle for the women’s shawl dance. She looked up to where he sat and shot him a small, private smile.
A sudden, powerful urge to take her with him all but smacked him between the eyes. He shook it off, though. They’d had this argument before. She wasn’t going anywhere. She liked this hellhole. Sure, the sky here was pretty, and yeah, he was glad he’d come, but he didn’t want to live here. A man couldn’t survive on sweeping vistas alone. He had grown fond of his spacious condo, fine-dining choices and sailing on Lake Michigan. He didn’t want to go back to polluted water and cardboard-covered windows.
No use getting ahead of himself. Before he started game-planning how Doreen and Bear fit into his case against Midwest Energy, he had to have his facts straight, which meant that he had to get some hard evidence that Doreen Rattling Blanket’s water was contaminated and that Doreen’s and Bear’s health problems were tied to that. He’d need water samples and health records. And if it turned out he was right about this, then those same facts would be what he needed to win a custody battle.
He didn’t want it to come to that. He didn’t even want to be thinking about dragging Tanya into court. But no matter what a custody case would do to her—or his reputation back in Chicago—he refused to leave Bear in a situation where his health was in danger. This was about his son, first and foremost.
He’d have to go around Tanya. If she realized what connections he was making and what he intended to do with those connections, she might panic. He’d seen that before, too—people did stupid things when they felt cornered. He’d just found his son—he didn’t want Tanya to up and disappear with the boy. No, this situation required the utmost discretion.
By the end of the day, Nick had a plan. Now he just needed an opportunity, and he got one handed to him on a silver platter. Bear was fussy—or so Nick assumed. He hadn’t figured how hard it would be to understand a kid who didn’t make any noise. The boy was wriggling and flopping and scowling and no matter what Tanya did, it only got worse.
“I need to take him home. He’s super cranky.”
Doreen looked around. “The closing dance…well, if he needs to go, we’ll go.”
Nick heard the disappointment in Doreen’s voice and jumped at his chance. “I can take you home later, if you want to stay.”
Doreen rewarded him with a huge grin. “Really? You’d do that for me?”
Her joy was so real that Nick almost felt bad for having ulterior motives. “Of course—if it’s okay with Tanya, that is.” They both turned to Tanya.
Nick didn’t like the look on her face because it was the same look he’d been seeing a lot—one of optimism and hope mixed with a healthy dose of skepticism. Was she on to him, or was this just more of what he had coming?
“Sure,” she said slowly. “That would be great.” It didn’t sound great, but he took it.
Tanya kissed her mom goodbye, and then Nick carried Bear back to Tanya’s rust bucket of a car. Nick recognized it as the same car Doreen had been driving years ago. “This still runs, huh?”
Tanya was silent for a moment, leaving Nick to wonder if he’d managed to insult her again. But then she said, “Yup. At least I don’t have to worry about Bear trashing it, you know? Not like that car of yours.” Her tone was light, but not suspicious. Perfect.
“Hey, no big deal. And I got a vehicle we can put the car seat in, just so you know.”
Tanya looked up at him through wary eyes. “Bought a new car, did you?”
“Actually, it’s an F-250 extended-cab truck. Figured I’d need something to handle winter weather sooner or later,” he added, so she wouldn’t think he’d bought a truck just for child transportation reasons.
Tanya sighed, her shoulders drooping down. “I can’t get used to you throwing money around, Nick. I just can’t.”
That he understood. It had taken several years for him to get to the point where he bought things for the fun of it instead of stuffing the money under a mattress like a squirrel hoarding nuts for the winter. “I want to see you again.”
“Me or Bear?”
No, she didn’t trust him. “Both. You have a standing invitation to come to my place. I bought a toddler bed for Bear and everything, so you wouldn’t even have to pack.”
“Where would I sleep?” She asked it carefully, as if she knew exactly what sort of detonator was on that bomb of a question.
If they were back in her little house instead of in the parking lot of a powwow, he’d kiss her. Hell, he was thinking about kissing her anyway, but he was pretty sure he’d get punched for his trouble. He’d undoubtedly stirred up an epic hornets’ nest by showing up at all, let alone spending the afternoon playing with Bear. People were going to figure out he was Bear’s father sooner or later, but sooner didn’t have to be this instant.
So he leaned back even as he kept his eyes locked on hers. “Babe, you may sleep wherever you want.”
“Oh,” was all the answer he got, but the way her cheeks colored up with a beautiful pink told him plenty. No, she didn’t have to love him. He didn’t have to love her either. It wasn’t a strict requirement. But she still wanted him.
Luckily, the feeling was mutual.
Chapter 7
Tanya had Bear tucked under the blankets in record time. The poor boy was exhausted. With all the excitement at the powwow, he’d missed his nap and passed out in his car seat before she’d made it half a mile down the road.
She was almost as tired, but she didn’t think she was in danger of falling asleep anytime soon. Nick’s words still waltzed around her mind, spinning her in tighter and tighter circles.
Want. That was the word her brain was stuck on. He’d asked her if she still wanted him. He’d told her she could sleep anywhere she wanted. He wasn’t asking her to do anything she didn’t want.
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