The Fireman's Secret
Jessica Keller
Rekindling Her LifeAfter the fire that injured her and burned down Goose Harbor's only church fourteen years ago, Shelby Beck is planning to rebuild–the structure and her life. But her wounds have always caused her to keep men at a distance. When Joel Palermo returns to town as a fireman and is assigned to help Shelby raise funds for the new construction, she's surprised at how easy it is to get close to her brother's old friend. Could he be the man she'll finally trust enough to let in? Or will the bond they've built go up in flames, when Joel's own scars are revealed?Goose Harbor: Love is in big supply on the shores of Lake MichiganAfter the fire that injured her and burned down Goose Harbor's only church fourteen years ago, Shelby Beck is planning to rebuild–the structure and her life. But her wounds have always caused her to keep men at a distance. When Joel Palermo returns to town as a fireman and is assigned to help Shelby raise funds for the new construction, she's surprised at how easy it is to get close to her brother's old friend. Could he be the man she'll finally trust enough to let in? Or will the bond they've built go up in flames, when Joel's own scars are revealed?Goose Harbor: Love is in big supply on the shores of Lake Michigan
Rekindling Her Life
After the fire that injured her and burned down Goose Harbor’s only church fourteen years ago, Shelby Beck is planning to rebuild—the structure and her life. But her wounds have always caused her to keep men at a distance. When Joel Palermo returns to town as a fireman and is assigned to help Shelby raise funds for the new construction, she’s surprised at how easy it is to get close to her brother’s old friend. Could he be the man she’ll finally trust enough to let in? Or will the bond they’ve built go up in flames, when Joel’s own scars are revealed?
Goose Harbor: Love is in big supply on the shores of Lake Michigan
“Everything that’s happened to me isn’t worth repeating.”
Joel balled his hands and put them in his pockets.
“How come you won’t trust me?” Shelby whispered.
“Shelby—believe me when I say I already trust you more than any other person in my life.”
“I can only get as close to you as you’ll let me.”
Precisely the problem. Did he want a close relationship like she did? Sure, he enjoyed spending time with her and she got him to smile like he hadn’t in a long time. But were those things worth the pain that more than likely would accompany the moment she decided she was done with him?
Shelby looked as if she was going to start crying again. He had to say something.
He cleared his throat. Why was this so difficult? “I…I don’t want you to look at me differently.”
“I won’t.”
“You will. Everyone does.” They heard about sad little Joel Palermo and they all got the same look. That cartoon-eyes-welling-up-with-tears face. Their expressions a clear mix of wondering if they should hug him or step away slowly.
“Maybe we should go back.” Shelby sighed.
He caught her arm. “Stay. Please.” Joel’s eyes searched hers.
“Give me a reason to stay.”
JESSICA KELLER is a Starbucks drinker, avid reader and chocolate aficionado. Jessica holds degrees in communications and biblical studies. She is multipublished in both romance and young-adult fiction and loves to interact with readers through social media. Jessica lives in the Chicagoland suburbs with her amazing husband, beautiful daughter and two annoyingly outgoing cats who happen to be named after superheroes. Find all her contact information at jessicakellerbooks.com (http://jessicakellerbooks.com).
The Fireman’s Secret
Jessica Keller
www.millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk)
For we are God’s handiwork,
created in Christ Jesus to do good works,
which God prepared in advance for us to do.
—Ephesians 2:10
For my sweet Anna.
The person God made you to be will always
be enough. Never forget that or allow anyone
to make you feel differently. You are loved
beyond comprehension, just as you are.
Contents
Cover (#u752c9240-15e5-550c-bbda-c039233a73b2)
Back Cover Text (#ud427cb58-23f8-57e8-a64c-375acd8b97a1)
Introduction (#uc93dea31-3215-5907-80ba-1461992e88e4)
About the Author (#ub2b7fa9e-5e23-5318-a0c4-ac774e46105b)
Title Page (#u82cc245b-ea69-50b8-835a-94096fa4c869)
Bible Verse (#u33fb369a-03c0-5824-8b7c-83f66e295c2b)
Dedication (#uc40dd1dd-c3c5-5508-89cf-135f019c2173)
Chapter One (#ulink_4ab5ccc7-03e2-552a-9bf6-4a7c26db5c6f)
Chapter Two (#ulink_f8309205-ace2-5dee-9186-148e3c64c0e3)
Chapter Three (#ulink_8b4e6896-0fbb-5390-9d56-18fc7323075d)
Chapter Four (#ulink_b146a796-4e2b-594a-a3b6-6690b88f872c)
Chapter Five (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Six (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Seven (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Eight (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Nine (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Ten (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Eleven (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Twelve (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Thirteen (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Fourteen (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Fifteen (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Sixteen (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Seventeen (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Eighteen (#litres_trial_promo)
Dear Reader (#litres_trial_promo)
Extract (#litres_trial_promo)
Copyright (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter One (#ulink_249ee503-0c91-54af-9606-5e845f904909)
Moonlight flashed like a strobe light through the dense canopy of trees lining the road just a mile away from the shores of Lake Michigan. Shelby rolled down her window to let the cool breeze kiss her skin, but the air hung thick with a strong after-rain worm smell and the wind caused the important deed papers sitting on her passenger seat to stir. She promptly rolled the window back up.
Dampness clung to her toes. The running shoes she wore might be ruined now, but dogs needed to be walked and let outside for a little bit, even when it rained.
Her one working headlight bounced off a green sign. Welcome to Goose Harbor. As she read those words, the muscles in her shoulders relaxed instantly. Home.
Perhaps she’d drive past the land she’d inherited. Until now, she’d avoided the street the old church had been on—not wanting to see the barren lot or be reminded of the day that had changed her life. The congregation had never rebuilt the church after it burned down, and somehow Shelby felt as if her life hadn’t been able to move forward since then. Rebuilding the church wouldn’t take away the scars she had received from being trapped in the burning structure all those years ago, but maybe seeing the church standing again would help her move on.
It had to.
A hill came into view and she gunned the car’s engine. Bad idea. The vehicle started to shake uncontrollably.
“Please don’t die on me,” she begged. She eased off the gas and watched the dials on the dashboard bounce. “Please, please, please.”
She glanced back at the road and gasped.
A deer leaped onto the street no more than ten feet in front of her. In a split-second calculation, Shelby realized there was no time to move out of the way. She was going too fast. She jammed her foot on the brakes. The car’s tires squealed, and like a madman on a warpath, her Volkswagen struck the deer.
Shelby’s head lashed forward, slamming against the steering wheel. The car’s one good headlight blinked out. The deer flew up onto the hood. White-knuckling the steering wheel, Shelby hung on as her car careered into the steep, wet ditch, tossing gravel and glass shards like candy from a parade float.
With a final death groan, the car came to a rest.
Headlights on the road pulled to a halt above her. A car door slammed.
A deep, male voice called out. “Hello? Are you hurt?” The man skidded down the ditch. He wrenched open her door. “Is it just you in here or are there others?”
“Only me.” She coughed and turned a bit, catching a glimpse of his black leather coat.
He stayed her with a hand on her shoulder. “Maybe you shouldn’t get up just yet.”
The man crouched and his face came into view. Rich hazel eyes full of concern, jaw set, and spiked black hair—he looked as if he belonged on a motorcycle. He couldn’t be from Goose Harbor, because she didn’t know him—and she knew everyone in her small town.
His dark eyebrows scrunched. “I saw you swerve off the road. Looks like you’ve got a cut on your forehead. Does anything else hurt?” He tapped his left temple to show her where the cut was.
“I’m okay...I think.” Shelby yanked a napkin from her purse and pressed it to her cut. “How’s the deer?”
He kept his hand on her shoulder. “Let’s worry about you right now. My name’s Joel. I’m a fireman, so I’m a trained EMT. I’d like to make sure your head’s okay before you get up.” His forehead creased as he assessed her. Leaning close, Joel inspected the wound with his warm eyes.
“I’m okay.” Shelby tugged at her sleeves, pulling them as low on her wrists as she could. Whoever he was, Joel didn’t know about the burn marks on her arms and legs, and she’d like it to stay that way. The less he stared at her, the better.
But he didn’t move. “Are you having any feelings of nausea or a quick onset headache?”
“Seriously, I’m fine.” She glanced at the napkin she’d been holding to her head. It didn’t look like she was bleeding that badly.
“Do me a favor and wait here for a second.” The fireman turned and climbed back to his vehicle. A couple of minutes later, he carefully navigated his way back down the slippery slope with a tube of paste, a small flashlight and gauze in his hands.
“Humor me?” He clicked on the flashlight and bent to be eye-level with her. “Okay, I’m going to shine this in your eyes.”
Shelby squinted and he told her to keep her eyes open.
“Great.” He clicked off the flashlight and tucked it into one of his coat pockets. “Your eyes responded how they should, so that’s good news.”
“Well, that’s a relief.” She grinned at him.
“You have pretty eyes.” He stopped what he was doing for a moment and his face relaxed—like how she imagined he would have looked at her if their eyes met across a coffee shop. The moment was over too soon. He immediately snapped back into EMT mode.
“Here.” He unwrapped the gauze. “We need to put this on your head. It’ll work a whole lot better than that napkin.”
With two fingers, Joel gently moved her hair out of the way. “I’m going to put some of this ointment on your cut, okay? It’ll probably tingle some.” His steady fingers worked quickly, his touch considerate. “This might burn a little, but I’m going to need you to hold the gauze on there for me.”
Shelby blew out a long stream of air but obeyed. Hopefully the deer had gotten up and continued into the forest. The image of an injured animal didn’t sit well with her, especially when she felt fine.
“Good. Just like that,” Joel coached. “Put pressure on it and hold it.” He rocked back so he was sitting on his heels. “I should call for an ambulance.”
“No.” She grabbed his wrist as he reached for his pocket and probably his cell phone. An ambulance meant that her brother, Caleb, would be called and he’d overreact. A lecture from him was best saved until morning. “I’m good. I could drive home if my car wasn’t in the ditch.”
“Then let me call for a tow truck.”
So this Joel was persistent. And cute. He wasn’t built and overly muscled like her brother, but he had a quiet strength about him. She narrowed her eyes. He actually looked familiar.
Shelby shook her head. “I go to church with the local mechanic. He has two small kids and I don’t want to wake them up by calling him right now. I’ll get in touch with him tomorrow.”
Joel looked back up to the road. “If the cops see your car here they might give you a ticket.”
“My brother’s best friend is on rotation for the night shift this week. I’ll send him a text to let him know about my car.” Good thing Miles had recently made the transfer from the police force in the big city of Brookside to the smaller Goose Harbor department. It came in handy being buddies with one of the seven officers in town.
A slow smile lit Joel’s face. “Everyone still knows everyone around here, don’t they? It sounds like Goose Harbor hasn’t changed a bit since I left.”
Since he left? Shelby leaned closer. He smelled like cinnamon gum. Joel. She knew a Joel once... The image of a wiry teenager with midnight black hair, a closed-lipped smile and deep hazel eyes popped into her mind.
“Are you...?” It had to be. “Joel Palermo, right?” Caught up in the excitement of seeing an old friend, she grabbed both his hands. He couldn’t have been more than sixteen when he left town some fourteen years ago.
He nodded. “And if I’m not mistaken, you’re Caleb’s little sister. Shelby Beck.” He glanced at her left hand. “It’s still Beck, isn’t it?”
Her? Married? Right, he’d left before the fire. He didn’t know about the scars marring her skin.
“Still just a Beck.”
As teenagers, Miles, Caleb and Joel had been inseparable for the few years Joel lived with a foster family in Goose Harbor.
“It’s so good to see you.” She squeezed his hand.
He looked at their hands for a moment. “That’s nice to hear. I didn’t know how people would feel about me coming back.”
She let go of his hand. What had come over her to latch on to him like that? Besides, they’d forgotten something important while they’d been catching up and taking care of her cut. “Wait. What about the deer?”
“Deer?”
“When you went to get your flashlight did you check the deer? How is it?” She jammed the deed papers into her purse, slung the bag over her shoulder and locked the car door.
He scratched his chin. “Um, I didn’t take a look at the deer. I was more worried about you.”
“Well, I’m fine.”
“You’re sure?”
“Listen, my head hurts like there’s a small child jumping on my brain, but I’ll survive. Nothing’s broken. Believe me, I’ve survived much worse than a small accident.” Shelby pressed past him and stumbled up the incline.
He grabbed her elbow to steady her. “Whoa, there. Let’s walk easy. Maybe I should call Caleb for you. Does he still live in town?”
Shelby swallowed. When Caleb proposed to Paige Windom, Shelby made a promise to herself to move out of her brother’s home and begin making a life of her own apart from Caleb. She needed to learn to be independent and stop letting Caleb take care of everything.
She spun around too quickly. “No. I don’t want that.”
Feeling woozy from the fast movement, she grabbed on to the first thing she could find to steady herself. That ended up being the fabric of Joel’s coat near his chest.
Joel’s arms came around her. “Listen, Shelby, I don’t think—”
She spotted the deer. It rested in the gravel on the edge of the street. Shelby let go of Joel’s coat and inched toward the animal. She fell to her knees beside her. No breath. No movement.
“Oh, you poor thing. I’m so sorry.” Tears welled in her eyes. Shelby turned to Joel. He stood behind her, working his jaw back and forth. Hands shoved deep in his pockets.
“I killed her.” She got up. Why had they talked so long? She should have climbed out of the car the second it went into the ditch in order to help the deer.
Joel shrugged. “It was just a deer. The important thing is you’re okay.”
She scowled at him. “We should have at least tried to save her. If we hadn’t talked so long we might have been able to do something.”
“Listen.” Joel placed a hand on Shelby’s shoulder guiding her away from the deer. “Even if we’d come up here right away and it was still breathing, it had three broken legs. Not to mention plenty of internal damage. We would only have been extending its suffering by trying to help.”
Shelby pulled away from him. “Just because something was wrong with her—something she didn’t deserve—doesn’t mean she wasn’t worth saving. Her life still meant something.” Shelby fisted her hands to hide that she was shaking. Why did people only want something or believe it had worth if it was perfect—unblemished. The deer might not have been able to live in the wild again, but they could have taken it somewhere to rehabilitate it. Some zoo or nature preserve.
“She probably died on impact, Shelby. Accidents happen. Let’s just leave it be.”
“I didn’t mean for it to die,” she whispered.
Joel blew out a long stream of air. “Yeah, well, if I’ve learned anything in life, it’s that a lot of things happen that we don’t mean for, and a lot of hurt tends to happen along the way.” He offered his hand and his voice grew softer. “Come on, let’s get you home.”
Joel was right about the deer, but Shelby hated that the animal had died. She slipped her hand into his and her gaze darted to his eyes.
It would be nice to have someone around who could get to know her without viewing her as the guarded baby sister, the way the entire town did.
Perhaps this time Joel wouldn’t be only Caleb’s friend.
Maybe he’d be her friend, too.
* * *
Joel gulped. Man alive, Shelby was pretty.
Lights from his pickup splashed across the pavement, illuminating her. He marveled at her creamy skin. Red-brown hair cascaded just over her shoulders in waves, a couple of freckles dusted her nose and her eyes were as green as a summer meadow. The set of her regal little jaw told him she was trying her hardest not to cry about the deer.
If it was humanly possible, he’d kick himself. Dummy. He was so used to being around men at the firehouse; he needed to remember to phrase things more gently when talking to women. She probably thought he was some animal-hating brute, and for a reason he didn’t want to think about, it bothered him that Shelby might peg him wrong on their first meeting as adults.
It felt more than nice, though, to have someone holding his hand like Shelby was. Tight—as if she trusted him already. No one had ever held on to him like that. Well, honestly, had he ever held someone’s hand? Not counting the police officers who had pulled him away from his mother all those years ago. No.
He eyed the gash on her temple. “Are you dizzy at all?”
With her free hand, she hugged her stomach tightly. “I’m perfectly fine.”
Joel glanced at her busted car. The rust bucket of a vehicle was a goner. He shrugged. A police report could wait until morning. “Come on. Let’s grab your personal stuff from your car and get you into town.”
“I have my purse. Everything else in there should be fine.” She patted the small bag.
Good. At least she wasn’t one of those women who toted around half of her belongings in a suitcase-sized bag.
He hesitated. “You’re not afraid of dogs, are you?”
Shelby tipped back her head and laughed loudly.
Joel scratched his chin. “Does that mean no?”
“I own a dog-walking business. I got in the wreck on my way home from a dog-sitting gig. What do you think?”
“Well, that’s good, because my guy, Dante, is in the cab. He’s harmless, though. I promise. Where am I taking you?”
“I live on the main square, above Gran’s Candy Shoppe.”
“Unreal. That place still exists?” Joel rounded the truck and opened the passenger door for her.
Dante yelped and lurched forward, his tongue going into full action mode as he soundly licked Shelby’s cheek. Most women would have shrieked, but Shelby scratched Dante’s head and kissed him right on the muzzle.
Joel let out the breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. Accepting Dante was as good as accepting him, if not better. Shelby Beck had just passed the most important test to winning Joel’s trust.
* * *
The truck boasted a hole the size of a baseball on the floor. Shelby positioned her feet around the spot. Joel pulled onto the highway, the trailer carrying his motorcycle creaking along behind them. She stared at the radio dial. No sound. Maybe it was busted. Or he didn’t like having it on. Either way, Shelby couldn’t stand the silence.
She ran her fingers over the silky hairs of the dog’s head and noticed his shape and colorings. He possessed the black-and-white blending of a border collie, but had patches of brown, as well. The dog gazed at her with crystal blue eyes. “This is an Australian cattle dog.”
Joel looped his hand over the steering wheel and regarded her. “The lady knows her dogs.”
Shelby shrugged. “Occupational hazard. He’s beautiful. I love his markings. It’s a boy, right?”
“Yeah. This is Dante. He’s partially deaf so if you talk to him and he doesn’t look at you, don’t take offense. He’s an old boy now, so he moves slow. But he’s my best friend.” Joel patted the dog on the rump and then left his hand resting there. “We found each other eight years ago and have been inseparable ever since.”
“You found each other. That sounds intriguing.”
The lights of the small downtown strip of Goose Harbor came in to view.
Joel kept his eyes on the road. “It wasn’t a good time for me. I was...in between homes and found Dante wandering in an alley. He was so scrawny. His rib cage looked like blades jutting out of his body.” He rubbed his hand over Dante’s back. “I brought him to a local vet. The doctor recognized him right away. I guess they don’t get a lot of Dante’s breed in that town.”
Recognized? “But you didn’t have to give him back?”
“Turns out his owner died and neither of her two adult children wanted to take Dante, so instead of finding him a home they brought him into town and dumped him on the street.”
“That’s awful.” Shelby gasped. “How can people be so cruel?”
“People—most people—just don’t care beyond themselves.”
The truck’s tires thumped over the brick-paved block that made up the main square of the town.
“But how could someone not want Dante? He seems so sweet.” Shelby scratched behind his ears and the dog sighed happily. “Who wouldn’t want to open their home to him if they could?”
At the single stoplight in town, Joel bowed his head. Eyes closed, he took a deep breath. “They just didn’t want him. No one wanted him. That’s all there was to it,” he whispered.
The light turned green and he pulled around the corner and parked in front of Gran’s Candy Shoppe. A streetlight illuminated the interior of the truck’s cab. Joel’s smile was gone. His brow furrowed.
They just didn’t want him. No one wanted him.
Joel had been in the foster system when he’d lived in Goose Harbor. An older couple from their church had taken him. After Joel disappeared, the couple had sold their home and moved to Florida.
She listened to Dante’s even breaths for a minute. “Dogs are wonderful. I love them because they don’t judge. They don’t care if something’s wrong with you. That’s why I started working with them.”
“Exactly. He’s become everything to me.” Joel scratched Dante’s back.
Shelby leaned across Dante and placed her hand over Joel’s. “I’m glad he found you.”
“Me, too.” The trace of something that wanted to be a smile pulled on his lips. He fished a pen and a folded receipt from one of the truck’s cup holders. “Let me give you my number. Promise me that if you start feeling worse or your head starts hurting or you get dizzy you’ll call me.”
“Sure.” She reached to take the piece of paper from him.
He didn’t let go of it. “Anytime of the night. I’m serious.”
She met his eyes. The intensity of his gaze made her catch her breath. “I promise,” she whispered.
He let go of the paper. “Have a good night, Shelby.”
“You, too.” She grabbed her purse. “And take care of sweet Dante.”
“Will do.” Joel saluted her.
She laughed and made her way to the door on the side of the building that led up to her apartment, the whole time keenly aware that Joel hadn’t pulled away until she was safely inside.
* * *
Joel straightened his shirt, took a deep breath and then stepped into the fire chief’s office. Three chairs and a mammoth mahogany desk filled the small room, leaving him no choice but to stand in the small square of space in the open doorway.
Chief Wheeler hopped to his feet when he spotted Joel, a boisterous laugh making his red beard waggle as he offered his hand. “Great to see you again, Palermo. Are you settling into your new place all right?”
“I only just got in last night. I haven’t even unpacked yet, sir.”
“Well, take time to enjoy the town this week—chief’s orders.” He plunked into his chair.
“Will do.” Joel sat in the seat across from Wheeler. “Is there anything else you need from me before I start?”
“Nothing I can think of, other than never call me sir again.” He laughed.
“Chief?” A light tap sounded on the door. “Do you have a minute.” Shelby Beck popped her head into the office. “Oh, I’m so sorry. You’re busy. I can come back later.”
“Hogwash. You know I always have time for you.” The chief motioned for her to join them. “Shelby, I want you to meet our newest fireman, Joel Palermo. I believe he’s about your age. If I recall correctly, he’s also single.”
A small grin played over Shelby’s face. “We’ve met.”
“I see.” The chief winked at them.
She grabbed the last available seat in the room, which brought her knee to knee with Joel. Her smile was infectious.
He leaned forward to examine the cut on her temple. “How’s your head?”
“Good.” She moved her hair to cover the barely visible gash. “How’s Dante?
Joel leaned back in his chair. “I’m sure he’s happy to have a yard to sniff around in. Our last place didn’t have one. He may be old, but he really likes being outside.”
“You know,” she began, “when you’re on your days staying here at the firehouse, I could walk Dante for you and stop in to make sure he’s okay.”
Joel nudged her knee with his. “Look at you, Miss Businesswoman, adding me to your clientele when I’ve been in town less than twenty-four hours.”
“No. I didn’t mean—I’m offering as a friend.” Shelby’s cheeks flushed. “I don’t want your money.”
“I was kidding with you.” He winked.
Chief Wheeler crossed his arms over his chest. “So, Shelby, I’m assuming you came in here to do more than just flirt with my handsome new fireman.”
Shelby’s cheeks blazed fire-engine red. “I’m not—”
Joel opened his mouth to defend her.
But the chief slapped the table and laughed. “I’m kidding, girl. Although, if you like him, I could order him to take you on a date.”
Shelby looked down at the floor. “Like I said, I can come back another time if that’s better.”
Chief Wheeler adjusted his tie. “Relax, Shelby. What can I do for you?”
She knit her fingers together as she blew out a long breath. Then she tugged a bundle of papers from her purse. “My father left me this. I can rebuild. Finally. I’m going to meet with Ida today. When her husband was mayor, I remember him raising money for just that purpose. I want to see if that money is still available, but even if it is, I’m sure it won’t be enough.”
The chief sat a little straighter. “And you’re asking if the fire department would help you raise more?”
“People love firefighters.” She shrugged.
“Dashing men in uniform coming to the rescue. What’s not to love, right, Joel?”
Unsure of the correct way to interact with his new boss, Joel only offered a smile.
The chief extended his hand to shake Shelby’s. “Of course we’ll help. In fact, Joel, since you’re new around here, as your first order of business upon joining the department, I’m going to have you team with Shelby on planning a fund-raiser. You’ll get to meet the whole town that way.”
“Sure. Why not?” Helping host a fund-raiser was the perfect opportunity to get in good with the people of Goose Harbor, which was what he needed if this was going to be his forever home. He wanted them to forget the moody teenager who ran away. If he had tried, he couldn’t have come up with a better way to enter the town again.
“I was thinking a pancake breakfast,” Shelby piped up.
Joel leaned his elbows on his knees. “Food included. This gig is getting better by the minute. So, what are we fund-raising for?”
“To rebuild the church.”
Her words hit his gut like a two-ton weight. Rebuild the church? There had been only one in town when he left. But—he swallowed hard. It felt like there was gravel in his throat—it couldn’t be. “What church?”
Shelby touched his forearm. “The only church in town. You remember, don’t you? Wait, you wouldn’t because it was still standing when you lived here last time, wasn’t it?”
Joel’s heart beat so hard and fast he was afraid it showed through his shirt.
“What happened to it?” He had to ask since they thought he didn’t know. Not looking curious would cast suspicion his way.
Shelby tugged on her sleeves and glanced at the ground.
Chief Wheeler cleared his throat. “It burned down, but I figured you knew that.”
Of course Joel already knew.
Because fourteen years ago, he’d been the one who set it on fire.
Chapter Two (#ulink_790d76c8-69dc-57f7-a28c-ec1d5cf43927)
Joel’s gaze followed Shelby as she left the chief’s office.
Chief Wheeler rose from his desk, crossed the room and shut the door to his office. “Shelby is a very special young woman.”
“Yes, I know.” With the news about the church’s destruction swirling through his mind, Joel couldn’t quite make eye contact with the chief. What if someone discovered the role he played in the fire? Would he be able to justify his actions? He hadn’t realized he’d destroyed the whole building. He’d only meant to ruin a wall or something of that magnitude. Just enough to send the message to God that he was not okay with what had been happening in his life.
“How well do you know Shelby?” The chief moved to the edge of his desk and scooted so he was sitting, which brought him very near to where Joel sat.
Relax. He commanded the muscles in his back and arms to ease. Focusing on Shelby helped, since she had nothing to do with the fire. “I knew her years ago. From when I lived here before. I was more friends with Caleb than with her, but she tagged along most of the time when we hung out...like an annoying little sister should.”
He chuckled as a memory pushed its way into his mind, one of Shelby trying to chase after Caleb, Miles and Joel as they tried to sneak out of youth group to go waterskiing. When they wouldn’t let her follow she went and tattled on them. The youth pastor made the boys clean the church’s bathrooms every Saturday for the next month.
“A lot can happen in fourteen years, son.” The tone in Chief Wheeler’s voice changed on the last word. It became softer, kinder.
It sounded a bit like forgiveness. Or was Joel hearing things through the filter of misguided hope?
Joel finally met the man’s eyes. “You’re right. That’s a lot of time. Life’s moved on for all of us, and I’m just glad for the chance to be back, however long that is. Chief, I’m not sure how much you remember about how I was as a teen—”
“Enough.” Wheeler grinned. The chief had been a regular fireman back then, and in a town where everyone knew everyone, Joel was aware that despite the buffer of fourteen years, some of his troubled past was still common knowledge in Goose Harbor.
“I’m not that kid anymore. I hope you know that.”
“I wouldn’t have hired you if I thought you were.” The chief tugged a manila folder from the stack on his desk. “Speaking of which, I wanted to talk to you about the employee information form I asked you to fill out.”
Joel gripped the armrest. Please don’t ask about Charlie. Charlie Greave had saved Joel’s life, let him live with his family while Joel pursued his training, and helped Joel land his first position in a firehouse. Charlie had been the only lasting father figure he’d ever known, but then Charlie had left, too. Although, Charlie had fought his illness bravely, he’d lost. Joel didn’t trust himself to talk about it.
Wheeler tugged a single piece of paper from the folder and handed it to Joel. “I think you forgot to list an emergency contact.”
“No. It’s all filled out.” Joel refused to glance at the page. He didn’t want to see the blank lines that he’d never be able to fill in. Name of spouse. Names and ages of children. He didn’t know the first thing about how to be a good boyfriend, husband or father. All he had to offer a girl was a bunch of baggage, and if Joel knew anything, it was that he was man enough to save a woman that sort of disappointment.
Chief Wheeler stood and paced to the window in his office that overlooked the shopping district in town. “Why haven’t you listed an emergency contact?”
“Because I don’t have one.” Why did his stomach feel as if he’d swallowed acid?
“No one?” The chief turned around to face him. “This isn’t your first department, so I’m not going to pretend you don’t know how dangerous our work can be. I do everything in my power to keep the people under my command safe. You understand that, don’t you?”
Joel nodded.
“But I can’t guarantee you won’t get hurt.” Wheeler crossed his arms over his barrel-sized chest. “Many a fireman has had to pay the ultimate price in order to save others.”
“I’m aware of the dangers, sir.” In fact, it was the whole reason Joel had become a firefighter six years ago. The job made his life matter. Finally.
Wheeler’s bushy orange eyebrows dove. “I thought I told you no more calling me sir.”
“You did. I’m sorry. I’m just having a hard time understanding what you need from me.”
Wheeler dropped into the chair Shelby had vacated. “You’re telling me that if the worst should happen to you, there’s no one in the world you would want me to contact? Not one single person?”
Joel shuffled his feet. “Is that a problem?”
“No relations? No friends who might wish to be told?”
Joel tucked his hands into his coat pockets. “My mom overdosed about a year after she got released from prison the last time around, and she’s the only family member I knew of.” He shouldn’t have shared that. The chief didn’t need to know about his personal struggles. He pinched the bridge of his nose. “I’m sorry. Why is this important to my paperwork?”
“I’m worried about you, Palermo. That’s what. Not having an emergency contact could make you a reckless firefighter. I can’t have you taking chances that’ll harm my other men. An attachment outside of the fire keeps you sane.”
The chief couldn’t be letting him go. Not after Joel moved his whole life up here. How long would his status as an orphan be held against him? Until he died? No, the chief had done a bang-up job reminding him no one would mourn Joel when his time came.
Joel sat up straighter. “You have my paperwork from my last station. At my last post I was recognized for—”
The chief held up his hand to stop Joel’s words. “I’ve read about your accolades and awards. You’re a member of a standby hotshot team. I’m not minimizing that at all. What I am saying, however, is that the rest of this department has strong ties to spouses, children, parents, longtime friends or extended family. When they’re in a burning building they can keep their cool and make decisions because in the back of their minds they’re reminded they have someone who needs them at home. It adds a layer of...weight to their work that keeps them from putting themselves and others in unnecessarily dangerous positions. You don’t have that.”
“Well, I’m not sure what you want me to do exactly. There’s still no one I can add to the line for emergency contacts. Not one person in the world would miss me if I was gone.” He tried to swallow, but his throat felt so tight. Dante was the only creature on earth that’d even miss him.
Chief Wheeler gripped Joel’s shoulder. “Want to know how you can fix this for me? Find something worth coming home to.”
* * *
Shelby ran her sleeve across her forehead. It might only have been the start of summer, but the temperature was already rising. And riding across town on two half-filled bike tires didn’t help, either. She’d yet to hear back from the mechanic about her car, but hopefully the old Volkswagen could be saved, because she wouldn’t be able to bike to all her dog-walking locations. While she was happy her small business had taken off in the past month, she didn’t love driving all over the county in order to make enough to pay rent. If only she could find a way to merge her love of animals with something that would keep her from having to commute from house to house.
Ida Ashby lived in a small cottage just to the right of the West Oaks Inn bed-and-breakfast. The cottage could have popped right off the page of a fairy tale.
She licked her lips, grabbed hold of the copper knocker and knocked.
“Well, now, come on in with you,” Ida’s soft, sweet voice called through one of the open windows.
Shelby eased open the door. “Hi, Ida.”
“Hi there, sweet thing. What brings you down my way?” Though she had been alone in her house, Ida wore a dress. Her hair was pulled back and her Mary Jane shoes shimmered below her crossed ankles.
“I hate to sound rude, but I came to ask you about some money.” Shelby fidgeted with her bag.
Ida set down her mug of tea and peered over her glasses. “You look a mite old to be selling cookies door to door, but if you are, I’ll take two boxes.”
Shelby laughed. She needed to make it down to see Ida more often. The woman was a riot.
“Nothing like that. I promise. Although, if you want cookies, I’ll bring some along next time I stop in.” Shelby winked at her. “Actually, I was coming to ask about Mayor Ashby. He—”
“My Henry was a good man.”
“The best.”
Ida nodded her head solemnly. “The love of my life. He still is, you know. The heart doesn’t forget great love.”
Shelby puffed out a breath. Great love? Let’s see, a father who had run out on her mother when she was diagnosed with cancer, and no male prospects in her own life because of the scars on her legs, arms and back. It didn’t look like any great love would be coming Shelby’s way any time soon. She’d have to live vicariously through her brother and Paige if she wanted to experience love.
Shelby cleared her throat. “I came to talk to you about something a little more important—”
Ida’s eyes went wide. “Oh, sweetheart, there is nothing in the world more important than love. Absolutely nothing. Even the good Lord says so in the Bible. He says there is hope, faith and love—but the greatest of those is love.”
“I suppose that’s true.”
“There’s no supposing. It just is. You make sure to look for chances to have love in your life. It comes in all forms and at the most quiet moments. Sometimes it tiptoes right on into our lives when we’re being too loud to notice it.”
“I’ll try to remember that.”
Ida smiled and picked up her mug. “Was there something else you needed, dear?”
Shelby licked her lips and leaned forward. “I was young, so I might not remember correctly, but didn’t Mayor Ashby start a fund meant to rebuild the church?”
“Oh, was he ever heartbroken when he found out they couldn’t go ahead with plans for the church.” Ida laid her hands over her heart. “It was his dearest wish to see our little chapel standing again. I’ve always been rather unhappy about the fact that Henry didn’t get to see it happen in his lifetime. But he couldn’t convince the church board to keep the land. They were so bent on washing their hands of the building and moving on so the congregation could divide. It was a very sad time for us.”
“So there was an account set up for the church?”
“Not was, dear, there is one. I advised him to divert the money to another worthwhile purpose, but he just wouldn’t see the reason in that. My Henry was such a dreamer, you see. He held out hope that someday an opportunity to rebuild would resurface.”
“I think we might be able to.” Shelby unfolded the deed to the land the church used to occupy. She showed it to Ida. “My dad passed away recently.”
“Oh, I’m so sorry.”
“It’s okay. We weren’t close. We hadn’t spoken in years.”
“How tragic.” Ida closed her eyes for a moment.
“The important thing is we can rebuild the church, Ida. My dad left me the land in his will. I just need to know if there are enough funds, and if I can access them.”
Ida clasped her hands together and rocked back and forth as she stared at the piece of paper. “My Henry would be so pleased. I should have known he’d be right all along. That was his fondest wish. You do know that, don’t you? He’d say this was the happiest day of his life—besides our wedding day, of course.”
“Of course.” Shelby nodded along.
“Paperwork.” Ida shuffled over to a metal filing cabinet that was four drawers high. “Let me see here.” She pulled out a file a few minutes later. “Right here. Yes. My Henry was so brilliant. You see.” Plunking the paperwork on the table, she jutted her fingers to indicate the first few lines. “He set the account up as a nonprofit whose sole purpose was to rebuild the church. That way, some of the greasy-fingered board members couldn’t get a hold of the money and do something silly with it. You know the type—the ones who want to spend thousands of dollars on new street signs so we can look fancy for the tourists.”
Ida explained that since her name was on the account, she would need to sign all the bills with regard to rebuilding the church. “And I’ll be just delighted to sign whatever you bring me, because I trust you, my dear. I do. You’ll do right by this community and finally give us our shiny white pearl back in town.”
Shelby sure hoped she was up to the task.
Her phone rang as she waved goodbye to Ida. The screen told her it was her brother. “Hey, Caleb.”
“I’m worried about you.” In true Caleb fashion he cut right to his point.
“What’s new? You’re always worried about something.” Shelby grabbed her bike off the ground.
“You’re going to go ahead with this plan to rebuild the church, aren’t you?”
“Of course. I told you that after the reading of Dad’s will.”
“I don’t know if that’s wise.” He paused. “I mean, do you really want to bring up that bad memory again?”
Yes. That was where she had been burned. Why was he talking softer? As if it was a secret he didn’t want others to find out. He could say it. It wasn’t as if anyone could hear them.
“Don’t you see? That’s why I have to rebuild it.” She wouldn’t say the words out loud because Caleb would tell her what she felt was irrational, but ever since the fire, a part of her had felt trapped inside the ashes of the old church. Not long after the fire, she’d come up with the idea of rebuilding the church because it seemed like the only way to finally let go.
Caleb sighed. “Just tell me if you need something or if you need to talk or...you know. Anything.” The tone of his voice made it sound like he meant deep, serious talking, not simply an update about the church.
“Talk?”
“If you go through with it—rebuilding the church—it has the potential to drag up some really hard times for you. I’m here. That’s all I’m saying.”
“Thanks, but I’ll be fine. Hey, I’ve got to go. I can’t ride my bike and talk on the cell at the same time.”
“I just love you, Shelb.”
“I know you do.”
How could she make him see? Rebuilding the church wouldn’t open old wounds.
No. It would finally heal her.
* * *
Joel strolled past the blazing-red fire engine, letting his fingers trail over the cool metal.
He caught a reflection of himself in a tinted wall of glass and froze. How would people react if he told them the truth about the church like he’d originally planned to? Of course, he couldn’t do that now. Not after hearing that the church had burned all the way to the ground. When he’d set it ablaze all those years ago, he figured he’d char a section, at most, before the fire engine arrived. Just enough to get his point across to God, since He hadn’t listened to Joel’s cries. Joel hadn’t stuck around long enough to find out the total damage.
It had seemed like a great idea to his sixteen-year-old self.
Without a doubt, if people knew what he had done, they would treat him differently again—like they always did. Not just differently. They’d probably run him out of town. Certainly, Chief Wheeler would fire him. And Joel wouldn’t blame him. Who would keep a fireman with a history of arson on the payroll? Now no one could ever find out. His happiness in Goose Harbor depended on it.
When he first saw the listing for a position with the Goose Harbor Fire Department, he’d prayed about it. After a week of praying, he had known he was supposed to apply. Now he wasn’t so sure. Why had God brought him back to the scene of his greatest failure? Last time Joel had left town, he’d been so angry at God for dashing his hopes once again, but he’d made peace since then. God wasn’t the enemy, just selfish humans like his mom and the people who had cast aside Dante. Really, God was the only one who’d ever accepted him as is.
Probably the only one who ever would.
Maybe he shouldn’t have come back to Goose Harbor, after all. It had been a fool’s dream to think he could return without the past dogging his heels everywhere he went. But he was here now and needed to make the best of his new life. For starters, if he knew one thing, it was that staying on the chief’s good side was rule number one in fire department code. The chief wanted him to work with Shelby on a fund-raiser, so he’d do it.
There was a bright side: working with Shelby. Joel wouldn’t mind getting to know her better or spending hours beside the pretty woman. Not one bit. She’d been cute when he last lived in town. Just a scrawny thing made up more of knees and elbows than anything else. She’d had braces back then, and hadn’t tamed the curl in her hair like she had now. The years had been good to her. Maybe spending time with her could knock out the other thing the chief wanted him to find—something worth coming home to.
Cool down, Joel.
Focus. The chief was wrong to encourage him to get attached. People failed him. Always. He was here to finally feel like he belonged somewhere. Getting involved with a woman wouldn’t help that. It would only provide a reason to leave when things fell apart.
Like they always did.
His life could count for the work he did, the lives he helped save, whether from fires or as an EMT coaxing a teen to get in the ambulance instead of taking more pills and ending it all. Each act, each day, was penance for him. Perhaps at some point, he’d think he was good enough for God and for a woman. But not now. Not yet.
Who was he kidding? Probably not ever.
The knot that had been forming in his stomach since he first decided to return to Goose Harbor unwound just a little. After having been a firefighter for the past six years, being in a station set him at ease.
The engine, the axes, the gear—these things he knew and understood. The outside world, well, he couldn’t say the same when he walked out of the building. He didn’t know the first thing about relationships, putting down roots and creating a future—all the things he hoped for and dreamed about. Once he walked out the front doors again, the knot in his stomach would tighten right back up.
The wolves of his past howled in his mind. Not wanted. Not good enough. Not worth it.
Four days after his sixth birthday, Joel became a ward of the State of Michigan. Even at that age, he’d known his mother couldn’t take care of him.
Unwelcome images projected onto his mind’s eye, stop-action pictures reminiscent of an old scratchy movie. A bone-thin woman with flaxen hair sat cross-legged at a table with a razor and white powder. Men filtered into the apartment one after another. Uncapped syringes on the counter, and Mom with a green bottle in her hand laughing. Angry yelling and people coming after her. Mom passed out on the kitchen floor.
Joel batted his hand in the air to shoo away the thoughts. That was a long time ago. A different life. He steeled himself against the image of the dark-haired little boy crouching in the corner of his memory. At thirty years old, he wanted nothing to do with that child anymore. The past needed to stay there. Locked tightly away, key tossed in a murky river.
Now he had a fresh chance to prove his worth. And that would include never telling anyone about the fire and everything else in his life he was ashamed about. No matter what.
“Joel?” Someone walked up behind him.
He turned. “Caleb? Is that you?”
Caleb stepped forward and, before Joel realized it was happening, his old friend was giving him a tight, quick man hug. Joel thumped him on the back twice.
Stepping back, Caleb smiled. His old friend hadn’t changed much. He was still bigger than Joel and looked as if he lifted weights every day. Caleb had always had the outdoorsman look.
“It’s great to see you. I heard through the rumor mill at the old Cherry Top Café that you were back in town, so I came here to see if it was true.”
Joel shoved his hands deep into the pockets of his jeans. “I’m glad you still live here.”
Caleb shook his head slowly. “You’re back, right? For good? Not just visiting?”
“Back indefinitely. I start here at the department on Wednesday.”
“I hear you and Shelby are working on a fund-raiser.”
Only in Goose Harbor. “Word travels fast here. I found out about that myself only an hour ago.”
Caleb held up his phone. “I just hung up with her.” His old friend stepped closer. “It sounds like she’s pretty excited to get to know you again. I wanted to say...I’m worried. Shelby’s special.”
“That’s what everyone keeps saying.” Joel braced his shoulder against a doorjamb.
“Everyone?” Caleb’s voice instantly became a growl. “Who’s everyone?”
No matter how pretty Shelby was, a man would be foolish to tangle with Caleb. Even when they were teens, Caleb had fought to protect his family like a lion over the last piece of meat. Joel was smart enough not to step into that battle.
“Forget I said anything.”
Caleb glanced past Joel to the lounge room in the firehouse where a few of the other men played on the Wii. “Who have you been talking to about Shelby?”
“Cool down.” Joel grabbed Caleb’s arm and pulled him out of earshot of the other firefighters. “Just Chief Wheeler and only because she showed up here.”
Caleb paced a few feet away. “When you spend time with her, please don’t lead her on, okay? Keep it professional.”
“Sounds like you’re telling me to stay away from your little sister.” Joel didn’t know why he was poking an agitated bear. He didn’t have any designs on Shelby. How could he when he hardly knew her? But he challenged Caleb all the same. A lifetime stuck in foster homes following new, and sometimes ridiculous, rules made Joel bristle when someone told him he wasn’t allowed to do something as an adult.
“I am.” Caleb crossed his arms over his chest. Same old Caleb.
Joel titled his head. “Tell me, you do realize she’s not twelve anymore? I don’t know her, but I’m sure Shelby’s old enough to take care of herself.”
“She’s not—”
“Like I said.” Joel raised his hands in the universal sign of let’s-drop-this-already. “I don’t know her. Your warning is a bit premature, buddy. I just got into town last night and, between you and me, romance isn’t even a blip on my radar.”
“That’s exactly when it finds you.”
“Well, no worries for me and Shelby. Okay?”
His old friend lowered his voice. “Maybe it’s not the time or place to ask you this, but where did you go?”
“When?” Joel stalled for time, but he had known the conversation would come to this. What happened that day? If Caleb questioned him, Joel would have to think quickly and place himself far away from the church.
“You said you’d meet me at the bend in the river so we could fish that day and...you just didn’t show. Do you know how heartbroken the Lloyds were when you never came back? They thought of you like a son.”
Like a son? Right. That’s why the Lloyds told him they were going to turn him back over to the state so they could move to Florida on their retirement money.
Joel laughed once, drily. “Is that what the Lloyds told everyone? That I ran away from them?”
Caleb frowned. “They asked everyone to help find you and formed search parties. They were so upset they moved away a few months later. I think they had to get away from the memories and the hurt from not knowing what happened to you.”
Joel’s hand formed a fist in his pocket.
Relax. Mr. and Mrs. Lloyd had been good people. They’d opened their home to him for three years, and he’d been a handful the whole time. He shouldn’t have expected more. Never should have allowed his mind to entertain the thought that they might make him a permanent part of their family.
But he couldn’t let Caleb believe he’d run off for no good reason. “It sounds like they didn’t tell anyone they’d decided to turn me back over to Child Protective Services. Nice of them to leave that bit out.”
Yes, Mrs. Lloyd’s arthritis had progressed to the point where she couldn’t hold a toothbrush, but hadn’t Joel been there to help them? He might have been a hardheaded sixteen-year-old, but he’d cared enough about the Lloyds to have helped them however they needed. When the doctor had told them that living somewhere warmer might help Mrs. Lloyd, they’d immediately put a move in motion. Sure, they’d petitioned the state for permission to take Joel, but, even then, he’d known they would never have been granted authorization. Not with his mother still alive. Even if she had been in jail.
And when they weren’t, they still chose to move instead of keep Joel. Still decided to hand him right back to the state.
Caleb’s brow furrowed. “They were going to give you back?”
Joel nodded.
“Man. I’m sorry. I never knew.”
“Yeah.” Joel crossed his arms tightly over his chest. “Within ten years, I’d lived in twelve different places. I was so sick of being sent wherever my case manager deemed best. For once, I wanted to be in control of my future—if that makes sense. I couldn’t go back into the foster system. Not after enjoying three years in Goose Harbor. I couldn’t live like that any longer.”
“So they were right—you took off?”
He shrugged. “I ran away, if that’s what you’re asking. You’ve got to understand, I was so mad at God and everyone that I just...I needed to do life on my own for a while. Live by my own terms.”
“And how’d that go for you?”
He hadn’t forgotten how tenacious Caleb could be when it came to getting to the bottom of an issue. Like a mosquito in search of exposed flesh.
Joel ran his finger over the grooves in the cinder-block wall. “It went badly.” He let his hand drop to his side. “Let’s see, four years in an out of homeless shelters in Indiana. I had to take the GED since I didn’t graduate high school here, and sending for my transcripts would have tipped off my case manager. Anyway, I always wanted to come back. I’ve thought about Goose Harbor a lot over the years.”
Caleb placed his hand on Joel’s shoulder. “You were missed. I always wondered what happened to you. I never stopped praying for you.” He squeezed Joel’s shoulder.
Joel straightened his shirt and stepped away from Caleb. “Looks like those prayers might have worked.”
“I have to head out to finish end-of-the-year nonsense at school, but we should catch up more. You have to meet Paige, my fiancée. She’s a teacher, too. Know what? You have to come to our wedding. The invitations have already gone out, but I’ll get you the information.”
They made plans to grill steaks later in the week on one of the days Joel wasn’t scheduled to work a twelve-hour shift, and then Caleb headed out.
When he’d left years ago, Caleb had been going steady with Sarah West, had been since grade school. Caleb and Sarah had always talked about getting married, but it sounded like that hadn’t happened.
Which made sense. What kid actually got his childhood dream? Joel sure hadn’t. Which was fine. Dreams changed. He no longer begged God for the family he’d never have. No, his requests were simpler now. The conversation with the chief nagged at him. Perhaps Wheeler was right. It would be nice to have someone in the world besides Dante to miss him if something happened.
One person. Was that too much to ask?
Chapter Three (#ulink_c401e070-5936-55fa-b986-7abe755baf00)
Pink-and-orange sunlight pushed the purple of night out of the sky as Shelby dipped her toes into the brisk lake water. Minnows danced in a group near the shore and a large dragonfly buzzed over the surface of the calm water. The sand under the water was hard and compact beneath her feet. On warm summer mornings, she planned to swim out to the end of the pier and back for exercise, but today the water was still too chilly. Lake Michigan always took too long to warm up. For now, she’d wade. Just wade.
Her father had taught her to swim on this same beach, and before the divorce, her family had spent every summer weekend here with a picnic and volleyball. This beach was the only kind memory of Dad she allowed herself to hang on to. In grade school, she’d been a part of the swim team at the local Y, but after the fire, she quit.
Oh, Caleb and Mom told her no one would treat her differently. They said she should wear her scars with her head held high because those marks on her skin meant she had survived a great tragedy. They said people wouldn’t even notice them.
Caleb and Mom had been wrong.
People had been polite to her face—if openly staring at the burned patches on her arms, back and legs could be considered polite. But Shelby had heard them whispering. She’d seen people trying to avert their eyes from her ugliness. Some of her friends at school had even been afraid to touch her, as if the scars were contagious.
That’s when her wardrobe had changed to all jeans and long sleeves no matter what. The only time she shed those concealing clothes was for her morning swim in summer and when she was by herself in her apartment. And when she was alone around animals. Animals didn’t judge.
She ran her fingers on the two tougher, bright pink patches of skin on her arms. The marks might as well have been labels stuck to her that read: damaged goods. Like a dented can of string beans in the reduced food section of the store.
Because of the scars, she’d never know the joy of marriage that Caleb and his fiancée, Paige, were about to experience. Nor would she get to hold her firstborn child—or any child of hers in her arms. The day the church caught fire, those dreams had ended. They’d been crushed right under the same beam that had fallen from the ceiling and trapped her.
Who would want her like this? No man.
Knee-high in the water now, she scanned the beach. It was too early for anyone to be up and near the shore. Even the joggers hadn’t ventured out yet. She usually saw them on her way back to her car. Granted, today she’d taken longer to get to the beach since she’d had to ride her bike.
Today’s swim would need to be cut short so she could put her clothes back on before anyone saw her in her swimsuit. She probably shouldn’t have come anyway. It was too early in the summer yet for the lake water to be a swimmable temperature.
She escaped the cold water and toweled off her legs before slipping on her baggy jeans and hooded sweatshirt. Glancing at her watch, she remembered she was supposed to meet Joel this morning at Fair Tradewinds Coffee. The small coffee shop was off the beaten path so most of the tourists who swarmed the town during the summer didn’t know about it. She loved the place.
She needed to get a move on.
She and Joel had a fund-raiser to plan and a church to build.
* * *
Hands in his pockets, Joel crossed the grassy town square and followed the wide walking path that led to a strip of businesses lining the shore. A few of the shops he passed had already turned their signs to Open, but other than the crew from a single cargo boat unloading packages at the far end of the wharf, the town was quiet. Most tourists stayed tucked safety in their rented homes and bed-and-breakfast rooms until at least ten in the morning.
Joel breathed in the early-morning air. The lake’s surface was calm, but Joel, an expert at appearing composed no matter what was going on inside, knew just how deceiving looks could be.
He’d agreed to meet Shelby at the mom-and-pop coffee place near the harbor this morning since he was free—his first stretch of workdays wouldn’t start until tomorrow. Might as well get the fund-raising planning over with so he could wash his hands of any church business as fast as possible.
Fair Tradewinds Coffee was easy to find because of the rusted old boat lift attached to the part of the shop that hung over the water. The building was a reclaimed relic dating back to the town’s founding as a port for shipping lumber to Chicago. The large sign hanging from the old boat lift read: Try the Screaming Joe. It’s Just the Lift You Need!
He pushed through the front door. The coffee shop took nautical decorations to the extreme. An old boat mast served as a middle support column, burlap coffee bean sacks hung on the walls and a large white sail was suspended like a billowing cloud from the ceiling. The baristas were dressed like sailors.
Despite how quiet and sleepy the town had seemed, almost every seat in the coffee shop was taken except for the couches near a potbelly stove. And he guessed they were available only because of a sign that read the section was reserved.
“Hey.” Shelby waved from a small table that butted up to one of the couches.
Joel nodded to her but stopped at the counter to order a drink before grabbing a seat. Shelby wore a sweatshirt big enough to belong to her brother. For a minute, Joel wondered if she’d met him in her pajamas, but no. She wore jeans and her hair was wet, so she’d clearly taken a shower and chosen to wear the tent-like shirt.
“What’d you order?” She pulled a notepad out of her small bag and grinned at him.
“The Screaming Joe.”
Her mouth fell open and eyes went wide. “You didn’t.”
“I did.” He smiled.
“Have you ever tried it?”
“I’m about to. Why, should I be afraid?”
“They put hot sauce in the coffee,” she whispered.
“I’m sure it’s fine.” He winked at her and then took a big swig. Huge mistake. A burning rushed down his throat and filled his chest. He coughed, eyes watering.
Shelby covered a wide smile with one hand and shoved a wad of napkins at him with the other. “Not so bad, huh?”
“Wow.” He wheezed and shoved the cup of offending coffee to the center of the table. “I think that’s about half hot sauce and half coffee.”
“You’re new in town, so I’d say it was eighty percent hot sauce.”
“I’m afraid to try anything else here.” He laughed.
“Everything else is safe. The Screaming Joe’s on the menu because of Robert.” She pointed at a man who looked like a seventy-year-old in the body of a thirty-year-old. “He owns the place and says he’s in such good shape because he drinks a Screaming Joe every morning.”
“He can have mine.” Joel caught himself grinning like a child again. Shelby was so easy to joke with. It was refreshing. It helped that they already knew each other, because the get-to-know-each-other part of friendships was the part Joel disliked the most. “So, what are your thoughts for this fund-raiser?”
“Okay.” Shelby flipped over the first page of her notepad to reveal a sheet of notes. “I called the local scout leader last night and he volunteered his group to be servers at our pancake breakfast. So, between them and the youth group kids that Paige and Caleb work with, we’re set there. Maggie West said she’d round up some local women to help cook that morning. We need to set a date, decide on a location and secure the ingredients as donations. What else? Did you have some ideas?”
“I...um.” To be honest, he hadn’t thought about actual details for the fund-raiser at all since the chief told him he’d be assigned to help. “The chief said we can hold it at the firehouse.”
“Oh, good.” She bit her lip while she jotted that down. “I figured, I mean...” She stared at something over his shoulder.
Joel glanced behind him. A group of five men finished their orders at the front counter and then claimed the couch area right next to them. When he turned back to Shelby her hands were braced on either side of her face, her elbows on the table. Her eyes bored into a napkin as if it was the most important thing in the world.
“Do you know them?” Joel leaned closer to her and kept his voice low.
“They all go to the church I attend—the singles group.” She didn’t look up.
One of the men behind them must have spotted Joel and Shelby because he said to his friends, “Did you see her?”
“That’s Shelby, isn’t it?” They clearly thought they were talking low enough not to be overheard. “How long do you think she’ll give the new guy?”
“Only gave me three dates.”
“Me, too.”
“It’s always just three dates. Then she decides she’s too good for whoever she’s with. Poor loser. I wonder what date he’s on now.”
“Forget her. She’s pretty, but she’s not worth the time and trouble.”
“Right. I’m happy I found Brenda.”
“When’s the wedding?”
Joel couldn’t make sense of the conversation. The chief and Caleb both called Shelby special, but that didn’t jibe with what the men from her church were saying. With how they were acting, he wasn’t surprised that Shelby had dumped them all after three dates. In fact, he was more surprised they’d made it to the third if they thought it was okay to talk about a woman like that while she was within earshot. Still, he wondered what had happened. Had Caleb flexed his muscles and convinced Shelby she shouldn’t be with them? Or had he issued warnings like he’d done already to Joel?
Shelby dashed a tear from her cheek and shifted in her chair as if she were about to make a run for it. Why had he let her sit and endure that conversation?
Joel snaked his hand across the table and grabbed hers. “Let’s get out of here.”
As they left the shop, she clutched his hand tightly, the way she had the first day after the car accident.
And he didn’t mind one bit.
* * *
Shelby swallowed hard. “I’m sorry you had to hear that. I can explain.” But could she? No. Not without saying she’d broken off every relationship once she started to like the guy—once she had realized she would eventually have to tell him about her scars.
What must Joel think of her after hearing those men? There went any hopes of a friendship with him.
Even so, Shelby dug her fingers into the back of Joel’s hand like it was a lifeline. She gulped warm air as he led her down the boardwalk that followed the beach to the old lighthouse, which marked the edge of Goose Harbor. Shelby had held hands with a small number of men in her life—her father, Caleb and a couple of guys she’d dated. Not one of them had hands like Joel Palermo—rough and calloused, but with fingers long enough to be a concert pianist’s.
He looked out at the lake. “Think we can make it all the way to the lighthouse?”
“Joel—”
“It’s already pretty warm, but if you’re game, I am.”
“Don’t pretend you didn’t hear those guys.” She dropped his hand and faced him. “I know you did.”
He shrugged. “You don’t owe me an explanation.”
She fiddled with the strap on her bag and looked at her shoes. “But I don’t want you to think that I...”
“I don’t think that.”
Her eyes met his. “You don’t?”
He stepped closer. They were already standing close so now he was only a breath or two away. “Believe me, I know better than to let other people form opinions for me.”
“Okay.” She stepped back, putting a couple of feet of space between them. “But if you don’t want to spend time with me after that, I understand.” Why had she said that? Again and again she shoved people away before they had the chance to reject her.
“Shelby, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but no one’s forcing me to spend time with you.” He laughed and held up a hand. “Okay, technically the chief is forcing me to spend time with you, but I’m glad because without him I’d have to think of an excuse to do the same.”
“You don’t ever need an excuse.” She wondered if he heard her words; they were so soft.
“Good to know. Come on.” He motioned for her to keep walking with him down the boardwalk. “Dante would love this. I’ve never taken him to a beach before.”
“Once you do, you’ll have to bring him here every day.” Shelby caught his gaze out of the corner of her eye and then glanced away. Something about spending time with this man put her at ease and gave her a chance to be herself more so than with anyone else recently.
“Unfortunately, with my work schedule, he’ll be lucky if I take him here twice a week.”
Right. Firefighters worked long hours that often included overnights. “Like I said before, Joel, I could walk him for you. On the days when you’re working or busy. I wouldn’t mind at all. He’s such a pretty dog.”
“Handsome,” Joel corrected her.
“Right. Handsome.” She winked at him. “I’m sorry if I talk a lot. Caleb says I talk too much. He says I can’t handle silence.” Why had she just said that?
“That’s fine. You can talk as much as you’d like around me. I’ve had enough silence to last a lifetime.” He cleared his throat. “So, how’d you get involved with all this church stuff?” He’d been looking at her before, but now he gazed out at the lake.
Don’t tell him about her involvement with the fire—not yet.
“After the fire, my dad purchased the land the church sat on.”
“The community just sold it—easy like that?”
“I don’t know if you remember, but the congregation had a big rift right before the fire. More than half the members had already left to start a church in a movie theater in Shadowbend.” She pointed to indicate the town north of them. “Those who were left didn’t donate enough to pay the bills to keep the church doors open. To most people, it made more sense to sell the land and move on at the time.”
“But not to you?”
She shrugged. “I miss having a church in town.”
“Then why didn’t your dad rebuild?”
“Oh, he bought the property because he had grand plans of segmenting the land and selling it off for development. He saw dollar signs. But the town board stopped him with zoning laws, tax issues and as much red tape as they could find.” Thankfully. “Mayor Ashby always wanted the church rebuilt.”
Joel stopped and faced her, rocking back on his feet. “I find it hard to believe your dad didn’t look into all that before making that kind of an investment.”
“Really? I mean, we’re talking about the same guy who met a woman on the internet and walked out on his family a month later to be with her. He’s never really been a think-it-through kind of guy.”
“But to hold on to it like that? For so long—with no return on his investment?” Joel scratched his head.
“Spite can make people do a lot of crazy things.” She pressed past Joel and started walking up the boardwalk again. The side closest to the beach was sandy, but on the other side tall clumps of dune grass grew. Shelby lifted her hand so the top of the blades tickled her palm. “Honestly, I don’t really know his reasons...he and I didn’t talk after he left.”
“Never?”
“Never.”
“I’m sorry.”
“I am, too. But he passed away recently and there’s nothing I can do about that. He left me the land, so I figured I can finally do right and rebuild.”
“Whoever you hire for the construction, just make sure they don’t rip you off.”
“Do you know anything about rebuilding?”
“A little. I worked construction for two years before becoming a fireman. Some contractors have ways of up-charging and taking advantage of people who don’t know what’s needed and not needed. Not all contractors are like that, but be careful.”
“Maybe I’ll have you look at the plans when I get them.” She nudged him good-naturedly with her elbow.
“I’d rather not help with the church.” Joel stopped, did a half turn and then raked his fingers through his hair. “That sounded bad. I’m fine with the fund-raiser, but when it comes to the actual church building—not that I have anything against the church, I’m a Christian, but...man, it’s hot out here already. Maybe we shouldn’t walk all the way to the lighthouse.”
“It’s warmer than usual.” Shelby stopped herself right before she pushed up her sleeve.
“Do you want me to carry your sweatshirt?” Joel held out his hand.
“No. I’m fine,” she lied. “I’m not even hot.”
“You’re sweating.” He tapped his forehead.
She used her sleeve to wipe the sweat off her brow. “I’m fine.”
But she wasn’t—not because of the heat, but because already in their first time hanging out together she’d been reminded why she couldn’t ever be more than friends with Joel, even if she wanted to be. Her scars had already caused tension.
She’d have to keep better control of her emotions, because as nice as it was to forget about her problems and talk with Joel, it wasn’t worth the pain she would feel if she started to care about him and he eventually rejected her.
Chapter Four (#ulink_9930c414-c32b-5e88-91ab-76dfaf3da127)
He shouldn’t have come here. Didn’t he know better? But he pressed down the kickstand to his motorcycle and climbed off the bike anyway.
Crossing his arms, Joel surveyed the land where the Community Church of Goose Harbor once sat. Visible from everywhere in town, the white spire topped with a cross had been the tallest point in Goose Harbor. Until he burned it down.
If he could go back in time... If he could have a redo... If he could...
Joel shook his head. Entertaining what-ifs never helped anyone.
He raked his hand through his hair and then stepped over the small metal fence that closed in the area. Not worried about the sign that said Private Property Keep Out.
Weeds and knee-high grass covered the area. Some litter collected where the wind had blown it against the fence. Nature had taken over, but a trained eye could see the outline of the old church foundation, where the basement probably still was. Other than that, this piece of land could have been any other abandoned lot.
Joel dragged his fingers over the top of the long grass as he walked. When he had lived in Goose Harbor as a teenager, this was where he’d become friends with Miles and Caleb. They hadn’t had any classes in school together—what with him being held back a year at one point—but youth group had served as an equalizer. For the first time ever, Joel had known friendship and belonging. He’d wanted to stay.
Right here.
He’d learned about God and had opened up to the possibility that his heavenly Father might love him, even if his earthly father had not.
Joel sighed. Where he stood was about the place the old youth pastor’s office would have been—where Joel had been given his first Bible and had prayed with the pastor to become a Christian. When he closed his eyes, he could picture Pastor Brent in his dress pants and gym shoes, always ready to talk, and constantly reminding them they were all loved.
And it was all gone because of him.
Joel closed his eyes, bowed his head and prayed out loud. “I’m so sorry. I see now what one rash act of anger can do. I never meant to destroy this building. In the last fourteen years, You and I have come to a good spot—not without a lot of me digging in my heels and fighting You—but we’re here and I’m thankful. When I’ve strayed, You’ve come after me time and time again. We may be on right standing these days, but I know I never asked for Your forgiveness over what I did to this church. Please forgive me, Lord. Let me move on in this town.”
Asking for forgiveness didn’t feel like enough. Joel had ruined another person’s property and he owed that person an apology. He should tell someone. He really should. Didn’t the Bible say Christians were to confess their sins to each other? Pastor Brent had moved away from Goose Harbor, but perhaps Joel could track him down. The man had always been easy to talk to.
Then again, maybe it was enough to ask God’s forgiveness. Ultimately, the church was His. And if that was all Joel had to do, then there wasn’t a need to face any consequences that might come with fessing up to a long-ago crime. Especially since telling the truth would ruin any chance he had of putting down roots in this town. Not to mention it would probably get him fired. What was that phrase? Silence is golden. Yes, he’d stick with silence.
The sound of a car on the street behind him made Joel open his eyes and turn around. The flashing emergency lights of a police car reflected off the metal of his motorcycle. The police car parked nearby and an officer with large mirrored sunglasses climbed out.
Joel’s mouth went dry and his stomach corkscrewed. For a moment, he contemplated taking off at a run, but he wasn’t some kid in trouble. If the officer wanted something, Joel would have to deal with it like a man. But his palms started sweating all the same. The policeman couldn’t know he was linked to the fire. Could he? Whatever it was, Joel knew all cops were bad cops. All the ones he’d known over the years sure confirmed that.
“Can I speak with you, sir?” the officer called out as he crossed the street. Why did every cop possess the same purposeful stride? Maybe they took a class in the police academy called How to Walk Intimidatingly. If so, the instructor deserved a raise for a job well done.
Joel cleared his throat. He hated that his childhood fear of the police could still make him nervous. “What seems to be the problem, Officer?”
“Let’s see. For starters, you’re trespassing on private property.” The officer was getting closer.
Joel stepped over the low fence again. Keep calm. “I believe it’s only considered trespassing if you’re not welcome on the land. It so happens I’m friends with the property owner. We could call her if you’d like to verify that. She won’t mind that I’m here.”
The officer tugged off his sunglasses and smiled. “Well, I’ll be—Caleb and Shelby said you were back in town. I was planning to look you up at the firehouse later today.” His old friend, Miles, held out his hand.
Joel shook it. “Glad we bumped into each other before then.” He should have recognized Miles right away. Just like Caleb, Miles hadn’t changed much in appearance since high school. “So, there’s no trouble with me being on this property, then?”
“Not now. Fact is, I heard you’re working with Shelby to rebuild.” Miles hooked his fingers on his duty belt and scanned the vacant property. The gold star pinned on his chest glinted in the morning sun. “It’ll be nice to have a church here again. We’ve been meeting in a movie theater in Shadowbend for more than ten years. I’d really like to go someplace where my shoes don’t end up stuck to the floor and my clothes don’t smell like popcorn by the end of service.”
“Actually, I’m not rebuilding it. I’m just helping with the fund-raiser.” Joel rubbed the back of his neck.
Miles wagged his head and whistled low. “You have no idea how persuasive Shelby can be, then. She’ll have you out here balancing on scaffolding by the end of the week, if it’s up to her.”
“Not likely,” Joel mumbled.
Miles raised his eyebrows. “Just wait.” He eased his stance a bit. “What brings you back to Goose Harbor, anyway?”
Had Caleb told Miles the truth about why Joel had left town? For some reason, he hoped not. Old friend or not, he wouldn’t be able to trust Miles. Not now that he was a cop.
Joel worked his jaw back and forth. “Are you asking me as a cop or as a friend?”
“I’m both. I don’t think I can separate the two.”
He rolled his shoulders, forcing the muscles under his coat to relax. “Weren’t we always dodging the police after curfew? I never would have figured you’d cross over to the dark side and become an officer.”
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