The Holiday Nanny
Lois Richer
Workaholic single father Wade Abbot is away on business, as usual, when he receives a heart-tugging video from his four-year-old. The little girl hopes he'll come home for Christmas–and see her in the holiday pageant.With his harrowing past, Wade has always doubted his ability to be a good father, but he heads home to Arizona, determined to try. His daughter's loving new nanny, Connie Ladden, works overtime to help turn him into the father he longs to be. And with some help from his little girl, Wade just might turn his holiday nanny into a permanent wife and mother.
“I wondered if you had a suggestion for something Silver wants for Christmas,” Wade said. “Something she’s been really longing for?”
“She wants a dollhouse,” Connie replied. “An original one that’s hers alone.”
“Yes, now I remember her mentioning that. Maybe I could build one?” He began structuring it in his mind. It would be a replica of this house. “You’re quite something, Connie,” he said, admiration flooding him. “You’ve got all of us learning new ways to deal with each other. I appreciate your help.”
“I haven’t done anything special.” Connie kept her head bent, but her red cheeks told Wade everything he needed to know. “I’m just the nanny.”
“Hardly,” he said as he walked out of his office to find Silver.
He realized how true it was. Silver’s nanny had become necessary to all of them. Connie wasn’t just doing her job. She was enriching their lives….
LOIS RICHER
likes variety. From her time in human resources management to entrepreneurship, life has held plenty of surprises.
“Having given up on fairy tales, I was happily involved in building a restaurant when a handsome prince walked into my life and upset all my career plans with a wedding ring. Motherhood quickly followed. I guess the seeds of my storytelling took root because of two small boys who kept demanding, ‘Then what, Mom?’”
The miracle of God’s love for His children, the blessing of true love, the joy of sharing Him with others—that is a story that can be told a thousand ways and yet still be brand-new. Lois Richer intends to go right on telling it.
The Holiday Nanny
Lois Richer
www.millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk)
I am holding you by your right hand—
I, the Lord your God—and I say to you,
Don’t be afraid; I am here to help you.
—Isaiah 41:13
This book is dedicated to my dad. I love you.
Contents
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Letter to Reader
Questions for Discussion
Chapter One
“Do you think Daddy got my letter yet, Connie?”
Connie Ladden couldn’t bear to quash the hope shining in Silver Abbot’s glossy blue eyes, so she brushed the riot of blond curls away from her four—almost five—year-old charge’s face and eased onto the bed, next to the little girl.
“Remember, I showed you on the map how far away Argentina is?”
“Uh-huh.” Silver nodded solemnly.
Too solemnly for Connie’s liking. Silver wanted her daddy, and after two months as nanny for the delightful child, Connie thought Wade Abbot needed to act more like a father and be here for his precious daughter. Still, her job was to help Silver with her life as it was, not the way they wished it could be.
“Well, it’s only been about a week since we mailed it, sweetie. Argentina is a very long way for a letter to go.”
Thanks to the courier’s emailed confirmation of delivery, Connie knew the package with Silver’s recorded message had safely arrived at its destination. But she didn’t want to say that. Connie hadn’t yet met Silver’s father, and she wasn’t sure how Wade Abbot would react to his daughter’s latest communication.
“It’s been ten days. I counted.” Silver frowned. “David, at my preschool, told me email is very fast. Do you know how to do email?”
“Yes.” Connie smiled at her serious look.
“You could have sent my letter that way, couldn’t you, Connie?”
“I guess I could have. But think how nice it will be for your daddy to get an envelope from home, from his own little girl.”
David Foster, Mr. Abbot’s lawyer and Silver’s guardian, had made it clear when he hired Connie and provided Wade Abbot’s email address that Silver’s father did not want to be distracted by everyday minutiae. Wade Abbot was in Argentina on a very tight schedule. It was urgent that he bring in the project on time for Abbot Bridges, Inc., according to David. The way he’d phrased it had led Connie to deduce that the company stood to lose a substantial amount of money and perhaps forfeit future contracts with the Argentinean government if the deadline was missed.
“Your daddy might not have had a chance to open it yet.”
“’Cause he’s so busy.” Silver sighed. “I know.” Resigned, she snuggled into her bed and drew her puffy pink quilt up to her chin.
Connie bent to kiss her good-night a second time, unable to resist the downy softness of Silver’s rounded cheek or the delight of another hug.
“Can’t we have just one more story, Connie?” The chubby arms refused to release her neck. “Please?” The beguiling smile begged her to relent.
“You’ve already had three stories, munchkin. Now it’s bedtime. You know my rules.” Connie rubbed her nose against Silver’s, unclasped her grasp and tucked her arms beneath the pink quilt patterned with fairy princesses. Tiny silver bells attached to princess shoes tinkled softly. “We have a lot to do tomorrow. It’s our bird-watching day. I want to find out more about the hummingbirds here in Tucson. You need to rest those baby-blue eyes so you’ll be able to point them out.”
“You sure like hummingbirds.”
“I sure do,” Connie agreed.
“Hey, we forgot to say my prayers.” Silver grinned.
“So we did. Okay, go ahead.” Connie knelt at the side of the bed, closed her eyes and waited.
“Dear God, thank you for today. And for Connie. I love her lots.”
Connie’s heart squeezed so tight that she could barely breathe. It’s mutual, kiddo.
“We had fun flying our kites this afternoon, God. Thanks for the wind and for Cora’s yummy muffins and for Hornby’s pretty roses. Bless my daddy and bring him home soon. And help Granny Amanda not to be mad at Daddy anymore. Amen.”
“Amen.” Connie hesitated as she studied Silver. “Honey, why do you think your grandmother is mad at your father?”
“Because she said—” Silver’s blue eyes welled with tears and she snuffled, unable to finish her sentence. “I don’t believe he’d forget about me,” she muttered defiantly a moment later. “My daddy loves me. Doesn’t he, Connie?”
“Of course he does, sweetie. Everybody knows that. You must have misunderstood your grandmother.” Connie hugged the fragile body close, praying her words were true.
“Why, look at all the lovely things your daddy sends you. Your room is going to burst if he doesn’t stop.”
That made Silver smile. A few moments later, her eyelids drooped and she was asleep. Connie rose, switched the lamp to dim and padded quietly out of the room. She set the door just the tiniest bit ajar so that if Silver woke during the night she would see the hall light and not be afraid.
Connie paused, debating the wisdom of her next move. But she couldn’t put it off any longer. Something had to be done. Her job was to protect Silver.
Help me, Lord.
She trod downstairs, moving silently over the glossy hardwood until she came to the living room. She tapped on the door once then waited for an invitation to enter.
“Constance. Is everything all right?” Amanda Abbot glanced up from the magazine she was perusing. She’d spilled her tea over the lovely rosewood table and onto the white carpet but seemed oblivious to the mess.
“Oh, dear.” Connie stemmed her irritation and grabbed two napkins to sponge up what she could. “I hope that doesn’t mark.”
“Who cares? Wade can afford another one.” Amanda waved an irritated hand. “What did you want, Constance?”
Connie rose, inhaled and prayed for courage. Some noise outside the room drew her attention for a moment. Probably Cora, the Abbot’s cook, leaving for the night.
“Well?” Amanda’s eyes flashed with annoyance.
“Speak.”
“I wanted to talk to you—” Connie gulped and forced herself to continue “—about Silver.”
“What about her?” Amanda continued to flip through the magazine. “Is she sick?”
“She was upset by your comments about her father.” There, she’d said it.
“My comments?” Amanda’s lips tightened. She tossed the magazine away. “What comments, exactly, Constance?”
“Actually, it’s Connie. Plain old Connie.” She cleared her throat. “I believe you hinted that her father had forgotten about her. Silver was quite agitated by that.”
“Oh, fiddle.” Amanda huffed. “The child needs to hear the truth. As it is, she lives in a fairy tale world. It’s better to face reality.”
“But it isn’t reality, is it?” Connie asked quietly. “Her father couldn’t have forgotten about her when he sends her a gift every week.”
“Are you questioning me?” Amanda sounded outraged.
“You know that you only have this job because I allow it. I could have suggested many others to be my granddaughter’s nanny.”
But none of them would put up with your manipulations. It was the truth, but Connie didn’t say it. Amanda did not like to be contradicted.
She also did not like her stepson.
Or so it seemed to Connie.
“I believe Mr. Foster hired me because he knew I’d protect Silver. I’m not questioning you. I’m simply telling you that when you say these things about her father, it hurts Silver. And I know you don’t want to do that.” Connie paused to gather her courage. “Yesterday, you said her father had probably found another family in Argentina. Perhaps you didn’t mean for her to overhear, but she did, and she cried about it for an hour.”
“Then you weren’t doing your job, were you?” Amanda didn’t look fazed by her part in her granddaughter’s unhappiness. “You’re supposed to keep her busy and happy.”
“I’m trying to do that. I care a great deal for Silver. That’s why I’ve come to ask you to be more careful.” Connie refused to back down. “What you say could damage the relationship between Silver and her father. That’s not right.”
“What I say is none of your business. Pack your things and get out. You’re fired.”
Connie wanted to protest, but she knew it wouldn’t help. Amanda was not one to be swayed by others.
“I’m sorry if I’ve offended you,” she said quietly. “I’m only trying to do what’s best for Silver. That is why I was hired, isn’t it?”
“Yes, it is. Isn’t it, Amanda?”
Connie whirled around at the quiet but controlled voice that had come from behind her. A man identical to the picture on Silver’s night stand dropped the bag he was carrying beside his feet. He held out one hand.
“I’m Wade Abbot. I assume you are Connie Ladden, Silver’s nanny.”
“I am.” She shook his hand, felt the strength in his tanned fingers. He was so rugged looking and so handsome. A tiny shiver wiggled its way from her hand to her heart in a twitch of awareness. “I’m pleased to meet you. Your daughter talks about you constantly. She adores you.”
“Does she?” He studied her for a few moments then inclined his head. “I’d like to speak to my stepmother privately, Ms. Ladden. But when I’ve finished, I’d also like to talk to you. Could you meet me in the kitchen in a few minutes? I’ve been flying for seventeen hours and I’m starved.”
“Certainly, Mr. Abbot.”
“It’s Wade.”
“Yes, sir.” Connie forced herself not to look at Amanda as she left the room. She hurried down the hall, pausing momentarily to glance at herself in a mirror. She wished she’d had time to do something about her ponytail and lack of makeup before meeting Silver’s father. Not that it mattered. She was just the nanny.
And that’s all she intended to be. Romance was highly overrated.
“You’re not hungry again, are you?” Cora grumbled when she saw Connie. But her eyes twinkled. “Because if you are, I’ve left some chocolate cake in that cupboard.”
“Great. I’ll cut some for Mr. Abbot. He’s talking with Amanda just now, but I’m to meet him here. He’s hungry.”
“Wade’s back? Wonderful.” Cora’s round face wreathed in smiles, then as quickly saddened. “If I’d known earlier I’d have made his favorite pie, but…” She glanced at the clock.
“You have your granddaughter’s recital tonight, right? Don’t worry. I’ll heat some leftovers for him.” Connie hugged the older woman and helped her into her coat.
“Go on now.”
“You’re such a dear. This house has been filled with light and joy since you’ve come.” Cora hugged her back then frowned. “But there aren’t any leftovers to heat.”
“Then he’ll get eggs. I’m not a fantastic cook like you, but I can manage to scramble some eggs. Leave it to me.”
“Thank you, dear. I believe I will. Bless you.” The woman hurried away.
Connie assembled ingredients, set the kettle to boil and prepared the toaster. But when the slam of the front door shook the house, she decided to check on Silver. If she hadn’t already been awakened, the child would be overjoyed tomorrow when she learned her father was home.
Upstairs, Connie noticed Silver’s door was open wider than she’d left it. She hurried toward it then froze. Wade Abbot stood beside Silver’s bed, watching as the little girl slept. He stretched out a hand as if to touch her hair then quickly drew it away. Instead, he squatted beside the bed, apparently content to stare.
He was a tall man with dark brown hair cut short, probably to stem the riot of curls that now caressed the tips of his ears. Lean and fit, he had the kind of physique that came from hard physical labor. His shoulders stretched his faded chambray shirt, which he’d tucked it into a pair of well-worn jeans. His feet were covered by battered brown boots. Nothing about him gave away his status as head of a prestigious contracting firm.
Earlier, Connie had only caught a quick look at Wade Abbot’s face, but now with Silver’s bedside lamp illuminating it, she saw deeply set eyes beneath a broad forehead, chiseled cheekbones above gaunt hollows, a straight aquiline nose with a mustache beneath that partially hid his lips and a jutting chin that telegraphed grit and determination.
In slow motion he lifted something bright blue and fuzzy that released a faint tinkle. Another of Silver’s beloved bells? He set the stuffed animal beside his daughter. Then he tenderly lifted her covers and snugged them in place under her chin.
Connie knew very little about the Abbot family. David Foster had told her that Mrs. Abbot had died four years ago on a yacht in Brazil shortly after Silver’s birth. Connie knew from her internet search that the couple had been living in Brazil at the time Mrs. Abbot had died, but she’d found few other details.
Silver remembered nothing of her own mother, which was probably why she yearned for her father so much. But David Foster had warned Connie that the last nanny had left because she’d developed an affection for Wade. He’d been adamant that Connie should not suffer the same fate.
Wade isn’t interested in love, so don’t have any illusions about him.
As if Connie needed that warning. She wasn’t about to give her heart to any man again. Not after being jilted at the altar by a man she’d called a friend for years, a man she’d thought she could trust completely. He was the second important man in her life to let her down when she most needed him. Connie didn’t need a third lesson.
“I didn’t waken her.” Wade now stood beside her in the hallway, his brown eyes swirling with secrets.
“It wouldn’t have mattered if you had,” Connie murmured, smiling. “She’s been longing to see you. She’d be ecstatic.”
“But her rest would be disturbed. I don’t want that. I’ll wait till morning.” He took one last look at the sleeping child then motioned for Connie to precede him down the stairs. “She looks well. And still crazy for bells?”
“Oh, yes.” Connie chuckled. “She’ll be delighted with the toy.” She motioned him to a chair at the counter and poured a mug of tea. “I’ll scramble some eggs.”
“Please, don’t bother. I can have toast. Or anything.”
“It’s no bother. I told Cora I’d do it, because she had to leave to attend a function for her granddaughter. In fact, I have to do it or she’ll punish me tomorrow. I don’t want that. Her cooking is to die for.” Connie grinned at him then set the pan to heat while she whipped the eggs and added onions, cheese and peppers. “Are you finished with the bridge?”
“You sound like Amanda.” He chuckled at her blink of surprise. “Yes, it’s finished. A month early, too. Tell me about Silver.”
Connie had been prepared to dislike this man. After all, he’d left his little daughter alone for several months to complete a job in some distant country. She didn’t see that as the sign of a doting father. But the eagerness in his question now had her reassessing her judgment. She knew nothing about the reasons Wade had left, and she didn’t trust the nasty hints Amanda had dropped. Not everyone was like her own father. Why did she have to keep reminding herself of that?
“Silver’s very bright. She seems to enjoy her gymnastics club, storytime at the library and her art class.”
“So she said. Clever idea, that video you sent. I should have thought of it before. I could have sent one back to her, shown her where I was working, what I was doing.” He frowned and then sipped his tea.
“Well, you can do that next time you go. She’ll love it.” Connie flipped the omelet onto a plate and set it in front of him.
“I’m not going again,” Wade said, with a stern finality, as if he thought she’d argue.
“Oh.” What were the implications of that? Would Connie’s job be over now that he was home? “Silver will be very happy you’re staying.”
“Mmm.” He ate for a few minutes, devouring the omelet and toast she set before him as if he hadn’t seen food in a long time. “Sorry.” He caught her staring and grinned. “I never eat on airplanes. Your cooking is very good.”
“They’re eggs. Hard to ruin.” She shrugged. “Cora said there’s cake. Would you like some?”
He nodded, and she cut a huge slice. Wade lifted a forkful of cake into his mouth, closed his eyes and groaned.
“Man, I’ve missed this.”
“Were there rough conditions where you were working?” she asked, trying to think of a way to ask if she should look for new employment.
“It was a work camp. Most of the labor was Argentinean so the kitchen tried to stick to their culturally familiar food. Delicious, but different.” Wade grinned. “I was more than ready for some good old American chow.” He finished the cake then set his dishes in the dishwasher.
“I could do that.”
“It’s done. Perhaps we can talk in the family room.” He lifted his cup and walked toward the big sunken room that overlooked the pool and the backyard. He waited for Connie to sit, then sank down in a larger chair. “On the video, Silver mentioned a Christmas play.”
“Yes. I’ve been taking her to church with me on Sundays. The Sunday school is putting on their usual nativity play. They’ve asked Silver to be one of the Christmas angels. She has a speaking part that she’s very excited about.” Connie frowned. “I hope it’s okay that I took her to church. Mr. Foster didn’t object and your—er—Amanda didn’t seem to care.”
“It’s fine,” he said. “I should have seen that she was going to Sunday school regularly. My father would have insisted on that.”
“Was he a godly man?” she asked curiously.
“My father thought God directed everything in a person’s life if they were committed to Him,” Wade told her, his face thoughtful. “I’ve been remiss in several areas where Silver is concerned, and church is one of them. I regret that.”
“Now that you’ll be staying home, I suppose I’m out of a job,” Connie said, summoning a smile.
“Why would you think that?” Wade regarded her with that dark probing gaze.
“Well, you’ll be here and…” Connie stopped, suddenly realizing that Wade had made no mention of taking over her duties with Silver. She should know by now that theirs was not a traditional father–daughter relationship.
“I’m going to be very busy finding enough staff to hire for our new job. And Silver still needs someone to look after her. Unless you haven’t enjoyed caring for her?” He raised one eyebrow.
“I love being with Silver,” Connie said with genuine satisfaction. “She’s a fantastic child, well behaved and so easy to teach. It’s been a pleasure to be here these past two months. You’ve done a great job raising her.”
“I can hardly take credit for that. Cora’s daughter cared for her when we first returned from Brazil. Then when she started her own family, she couldn’t manage it anymore so I hired a nanny for Silver, but—” He glanced up, his brown eyes intense in their scrutiny. “David may have explained the problem to you?”
“He said—” Connie blushed. “He said the nanny be came enamored of you.”
“Interesting way to put it.” His mouth twitched. “She thought she was in love with me. I have no time for love, Ms. Ladden.” He paused, watching for her response.
Connie wasn’t thrown by his comment. “Me, neither.”
“Oh? Why is that?” He leaned back, lifted his feet onto an ottoman. “If you don’t mind telling me?”
“I don’t mind. It’s in the past. I’ve put it behind me.” Which wasn’t quite true. Being dumped still smarted. “Six months ago I was engaged to be married,” she said quietly.
“I learned too late that my fiancé expected me to cut all ties with my family.”
“Oh?”
“After I finished school, I helped my foster mother care for my foster brother, a ten-year-old boy named Billy with terminal cancer. I thought Garret understood that I couldn’t just walk away from Billy simply because I got married. We’d talked about it. I believed he understood my position. Clearly, I didn’t appreciate his issues.”
Wade said nothing, but his mouth tipped down in a frown.
“I was at the church, ready to walk down the aisle when someone gave me a note. Garret had left town to go on our honeymoon by himself. He didn’t want to start our married life in second place, he said.”
“Selfish guy.”
“That’s what I thought. He wouldn’t have had long to wait,” she murmured, a flicker of sadness tweaking her heart. “Billy died two months later.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Me, too.” Connie tucked away thoughts of the precious little boy. He could have been her own child, so deeply had she loved him. “Anyway, my foster parents had put up a lot of money for the wedding—alot for them that is. I needed to get a job and pay them back.”
“So you came to Tucson. I see. But if you’ve enjoyed your work here, why even think of leaving?” He rubbed his temple as if trying to ease a muscle there. Tiredness revealed itself in the tiny fan of lines on the outside edges of his eyes.
“I guess I assumed that now you’re home you’d be more involved with Silver,” Connie said bluntly.
“I will be, as my time allows. But I prefer she have full-time care. That would be you, unless you’ve other plans?”
“No. Uh, I mean, I’m happy to stay on as her nanny.”
Actually it would be a relief. After leaving North Dakota, Connie had specifically chosen Tucson because she’d tracked her birth father here. Though she hadn’t yet had any success at finding him, she spent most of her free time searching. Until she figured out why he’d abandoned her when she was eleven, Connie knew she couldn’t remove the barrier that had kept her from totally adopting the faith her foster parents had taught her and trust God in the deepest recesses of her heart. Garret had ruined any hope she had of trusting a man again.
“After seeing that video, I know Silver is thriving under your care. I’d like to ensure she stays that way. Her happiness is very important to me.” The quiet words hung in the silence. Then Wade rose, his gaze pensive. “If you’ll excuse me now, I’ve had a long flight. I’m going to bed. Amanda’s gone out, but she’ll be back. Hornby’s still around?”
“Oh, yes. Though I doubt he’ll still be up.” Connie checked her watch then shook her head. “No, I’m sure he’s asleep now.”
“So he still likes to rise before the rest of humanity? Some things never change. I suppose he’s still fiddling with those roses of his?” Wade chuckled as he followed her from the room.
“Yes. He won first place in the horticultural show last month.” She indicated the snapshot she’d taken, which Silver had insisted on placing on the hall table. “Now he’s preparing for some kind of Christmas tour. He must have advised you or Mr. Foster about that?”
Wade laughed. Connie couldn’t help admiring how handsome he was when the stern lines around his mouth relaxed and his brown eyes lost their shadows.
“Hornby hasn’t advised me of his plans in years,” he chuckled. “He started here when my grandfather ran Abbot Bridges. I think he still sees me as a boy who’s barely tolerated in his precious gardens. Nothing changes for Hornby but his flowers.”
“His son visited him last week.”
Wade’s eyes opened wide. “Jared is back in town? I didn’t think he’d ever leave Australia. I’ll have to call him up.”
“Well, if you’ll excuse me?” Connie tried to step around him, but Wade’s hand on her arm stopped her.
“So, there won’t be any, um, situations, between us that you might mistake?” Wade asked, his gaze direct.
Connie had to smile.
“I’m not looking for a man,” she assured him and then realized that wasn’t quite true. “At least, I’m not looking for a husband,” she amended. “You don’t have to worry about my affections, Mr. Abbot. You’re quite safe.” Then she stepped awkwardly around him and hurried up the stairs to her room next to Silver’s, his “good night” echoing around her head.
As she sat in her window seat overlooking the backyard, Connie mused on the changes that would come. The Abbot home was large. The master wing was on the second floor, on the far side of the house, opposite Silver’s rooms and hers. The child might have very little contact with Wade unless Connie arranged otherwise.
“There’s a problem between the two of them, God,” she murmured, watching as Wade emerged on the pool deck ten minutes later. He walked back and forth across the deck, pausing at one end to inspect a bush, then resuming his private stroll. “Some barrier that I don’t understand. Help me to help them. Amen.”
She didn’t turn on the light, didn’t prepare for bed, as was her custom. Instead, Connie sat in the dark, watching Silver’s father pace across the yard, his steps barely slowing. When he finally sat on one of the chaise longues, the little clock on her nightstand read two thirty.
Yes, definitely something wrong. It wasn’t her business, but Connie wanted to help. She knew what it was like to face each day knowing your father didn’t care about you, had cut you out of his life. She couldn’t let that happen to sweet Silver.
Wade wasn’t uncaring. He’d made it a point to visit his daughter, check on her when he arrived home and even bring her a special toy. He’d asked about her welfare, said it was important to him that she be happy. He had to love her.
“He has to, God. Because I don’t want Silver to be like me.”
Wade climbed the stairs slowly, knowing he should stay away but needing to reassure himself one more time that Silver was all right, that nothing bad had happened to her in his absence. The reports he’d asked David to send were never enough to soothe his imagined anxieties. And the video Ms. Ladden had sent only made his yearning to be near the child that much stronger.
“Can you come home and see me in the Christmas play, Daddy? Please? I’m going to be an angel,” Silver had said in the video.
An angel. A gift from God—for him? That was the question.
He slipped through the partially open door and stood gazing down at the wonder that was Silver. From the moment she’d been born, he’d been overwhelmed by her, by the silver-gold hair that had never lost its fat curls, by her enormous blue eyes that peered up at him with utter trust, by the tiny hands that grasped his in complete confidence that he would not lead her astray.
And yet Wade had failed her. At least he felt he had. Though his heart ached to spill out the words of love that had built inside for the past four years, somehow they wouldn’t move past his lips.
Because since the day Bella had died, he’d been enslaved by fear.
Fear that Silver wasn’t his. Fear that someone else would claim her and he’d lose the only person in his life who truly mattered. Fear she’d never know how much he wanted to be the kind of dad she deserved. With his return home, those fears erupted anew. What had seemed so simple last week in Argentina—coming home, settling down, being a real father—now took on nuances and complications he hadn’t imagined.
Bella’s child.
Not his daughter, but Bella’s child.
As always, Wade’s mind traveled back to that day and the phone call that had turned his world on its axis. There had been a fire on a private yacht. A child had survived unharmed. A woman had died. Her death was a result of smoke inhalation, they said. The reason for the fire wasn’t known. When Wade arrived on the scene, he’d seen that beside Bella lay the body of the man she’d run to, the man with whom she’d been going to raise Silver.
The nightmare had shattered when Wade had heard the plaintive cries, pleas for someone to help. He recognized Silver’s howl immediately. She lay upstairs in her carrier, secured to a chair on the bow of the charred vessel, kicking and bawling at the top of her lungs, guarded by a firefighter. She was fine—unhurt but hungry. Wade had snatched Silver into his arms and left as quickly as he could. The next day he’d flown home.
But in four years, the startling clarity of one image from that day never left Wade’s brain, no matter how hard he’d tried to erase it—Bella’s man was a young blond-haired Adonis whose blue eyes stared lifelessly at him.
That man could have been Silver’s father. Silver, the child Wade would gladly give his life for if it would keep her safe and happy.
The beautiful blessed daughter he’d begun to doubt was his own.
Something wet dripped on Wade’s shirt and brought him back to the present. Tears. But what good did they do? How could he give up Silver? It would be like ripping out his own heart.
But what if Wade was wrong to keep her? What if he’d torn her away from cousins, aunts and grandparents who would dote on her, fill her life with love—something he had so much trouble showing?
“I can’t lose Silver, God. Don’t ask that of me. Please.”
God hadn’t answered Wade Abbot’s prayers in a very long time.
Chapter Two
“I have to thank you, David.” Wade looked at the man who’d been his best friend since they’d been kids, the only person besides Jared whom he could trust as Silver’s guardian. “Miss Ladden seems to be a perfect match for Silver.”
“Because of where she grew up, you mean?” David nodded as he adjusted his chair so the sun couldn’t reach his eyes in the outside café. “I guess being the eldest of ten foster kids does prepare you for whatever a whirlwind like Silver can throw at you.”
“Ten kids? Wow! I didn’t know the authorities would allow parents to foster that many children.” Wade bit into his pizza.
“According to my investigator, those who run children’s services are so delighted with the results of this foster home that they will send as many kids as the Martens family are willing to take. Martens—that’s the name of Connie’s foster parents.” David signaled for a refill of his iced tea.
“Apparently, kids are clamoring to get in there.”
“Why?”
“Maybe because they get to live on a big farm in North Dakota with everything a kid could ask for—a creek to swim in, a hill to slide down in winter, lots of woods to hide in and animals galore.”
“You sound like you’ve seen the place.”
“I checked it out.” David shrugged. “I had my god-daughter to protect, remember?”
Wade met his gaze. “Thanks, man.”
“My pleasure.” David grinned. “It’s a fantastic farm. Not a lot that’s modern but the Martens family make up for that. They seem to adore each and every one of their charges, and their kids beg not to be moved. Of the forty kids the family has had over the years, most have gone on to college.”
“Including Miss Ladden?”
“No, she stayed after high school to help the Martens family with a special needs kid. And call her Connie. She doesn’t stand on formality.” David lifted his pizza then winced. “I can understand your reasons for preferring formality after the last nanny, but I’m fairly sure you’re safe with Connie. She’s had some bad experiences with men. I can’t imagine she’s interested in repeating the experience. Has she told you about her father?”
“No.” Wade wanted to know more about the vivacious woman who seemed to adore Silver. “She told me about her fiancé bailing though.”
“You should ask her about her dad,” David said quietly.
“She entered foster care when she was eleven and hasn’t seen her father since.”
Wade couldn’t imagine how Connie must have felt. He’d grown up with a beautiful home and parents who made sure he had everything he needed. Things had changed when Amanda arrived on the scene, especially after Wade’s stepbrother, Danny, was born. But Wade had never been abandoned.
Until Bella in Brazil.
“That’s the reason Connie came to Tucson,” David continued. “She’s trying to find her father.”
Wade frowned. “Why?”
“You should ask her.”
“I will,” Wade assured him. “But right now I’m asking you.”
“I’m guessing she wants some kind of closure.” David grabbed another piece of pizza. “What do I know? I’m just a lawyer.”
“A very good one.”
“Thanks. What are you going to do about the company? You know Amanda won’t let your decision to stay here go by without a fight.” David sighed. “Dear Amanda. Sometimes I wish your father hadn’t left her those shares in Abbot Bridges.”
“You and me both.” Wade pushed away his plate, refused the dessert their server offered and asked for coffee. He sipped it then pushed it away as well. “The one thing I really miss about Argentina is the coffee.”
“Amanda?” David nudged.
“She can’t force me to go back,” he insisted. “She’ll just have to understand that I need to be here for Silver. I’ll find someone else to take my place.”
“But you’ve always been the overseas foreman,” David said with a frown. “Are you sure you can let go of that?”
“Already have. I asked Hector Salazar to scout out the next location before I left. His work is ahead of schedule. Time means money, and you know how Amanda loves money.” Wade grinned. “When the board sees how much we’ll save, they’ll approve my plans.”
“I hope you’re right.” David didn’t look convinced. He checked his watch and laid down his napkin. “I have a meeting in ten minutes. I have to go.” He thrust out his hand and smacked Wade on the shoulder. “I’m glad you’re back, man. That little darlin’ of yours needs her daddy around.”
“Thanks.” Wade slapped him back, just a little harder. It was a game they played. Toughest kid on the block. A relic of their past. “I appreciate what you’ve done for us, David. By the way, any new lady I should know about?”
“Like I’ve had time?” David snorted, then grinned. “If I could find someone like Connie, I’d make time, though.”
“Did you ask her out?” Wade asked, slightly irritated by the thought.
“She’s not interested in me. Besides, I’m a lawyer.” David rolled his eyes. “Her ex was one.”
“Ow!” Wade winced but laughed.
“We legal eagles are always maligned. By the way, I hear Jared Hornby’s back. We should get together. It’s been too many years since the old threesome hit this town. Let me know if you hear from him.” David grabbed his briefcase, waggled his fingers and took off in the long-legged stride he’d once used to great advantage on a varsity football field.
Relishing the relative peace of the sidewalk café after Argentina’s hustle and bustle, Wade remained in his chair, sipping coffee that was too weak and thinking.
“Daddy!” The squeal could only belong to Silver. She appeared, dragging Connie by the hand toward him.
Connie carried a large bag. It bumped against bare slim legs, which her lovely yet conservative yellow sundress revealed. The lemony shade enhanced the sunny highlights in her tumble of chestnut curls.
After a moment, Silver found Connie’s progress too slow. She let go of Connie’s hand and raced up to him, the tiny bells attached to her blue barrettes jingling merrily as she flung her arms around his neck and pressed her lips against his cheek. “Are you meeting us for lunch, Daddy? Is that the surprise, Connie?”
Wade’s warning siren went off. Had the nanny arranged this “chance” meeting?
“No! Silver, I had no idea your father—” Connie’s flushed face gave away her embarrassment. She glanced quickly at Wade and as quickly away. It was obvious she was recalling his comment from their conversation three nights earlier and was uncomfortable with the current meeting.
Wade returned Silver’s embrace then released her as he reconsidered his rush to judge the nanny. He’d told no one he was meeting David. His assistant only knew he was to be out of the office for an hour. Connie couldn’t have known of his plans. But a prickle of warning still feathered its way down his nerves. He’d been tricked before. It wouldn’t happen again.
“Haven’t you eaten lunch yet?” Wade took the parcel from Connie and set it on David’s vacated chair. Silver chose the chair across from him, leaving Connie the seat next to his. Wade held it while she sat down, her head tilted to avoid his gaze. But that only gave him a better view of her long, lovely neck.
“I really didn’t know you would be here. I had to go to the fabric store on this block. Silver needs an angel costume,” she muttered.
“They have those at the fabric store?” Wade motioned for the waiter.
“No. They have fabric,” she said, risking a quick look at his face. “I got some yardage. I’m going to make her costume.”
“You know how to sew?” Somehow it didn’t surprise Wade as much as it should have. From the little he’d seen, Connie Ladden seemed to do many things well.
“Connie makes her clothes, Daddy. Isn’t that amazing?” Silver sipped her water, her blue eyes shining.
“Very amazing,” he agreed, studying the lines of her dress. Connie blushed even more deeply so he looked at Silver. “What would you like to have for lunch, my treat.”
“Can I have a hamburger?”
About to agree to Silver’s request, Wade happened to glance at Connie and saw the quick negative shake of her head. He sat back and waited for her to choose Silver’s meal.
Connie didn’t dictate or order for Silver. She consulted with her, offering choices. The end result was a healthy blend of several food groups, which the little girl seemed delighted about. For herself, Connie ordered a salad and soup.
“They do a wonderful shrimp salad,” Wade told her.
“Thanks, but no thanks.” For the first time since she’d arrived, Connie looked directly at him, a smile tipping up her full rosy lips. “I’m afraid I’m allergic to seafood.”
“Sad for you,” he said with a grin. “Shrimp, lobster, clams—I love them.”
“I guess many people do,” she mused quietly then quickly glanced away, breaking their gaze.
There wasn’t a trace of “feel sorry for me” in her voice, and yet Wade found himself wondering what else this woman had missed out on.
“Daddy?” Silver tugged on his sleeve, drawing his attention. A tiny pleat marred the perfection of her pretty forehead.
“Yes?” Wade wondered if the strong sunshine would mar her skin, but no sooner had the thought crossed his mind than Connie pulled a hat out of her bag and set in on the child’s head.
“Me and Connie went to a dancing thing. What did you call it again?” Silver twisted her head to study Connie, her face perplexed.
“Ballet. And we say Connie and I went, not Connie and me.” The tiny rebuke was accompanied by a soft squeeze to the shoulder. “It was the Nutcracker Ballet,” Connie explained as their server arrived with their meals. “Silver was quite intrigued by the dancers.”
“Yes, and we went behind the stage and saw how everything worked. I loved the Sugar Plum Fairy, Daddy. Could I be a Sugar Plum Fairy, do you think?” She crunched on a carrot then swallowed quickly. “When I get big, I mean. If I practice.”
“Ballet is awfully hard work, Silver.” Wade glanced at the nanny, hoping for some direction, but Connie was busy squeezing lemon on her salad.
“I’m strong. ’Sides, Connie says that if you don’t ever try to do hard things, you won’t ever know if you can do them.” Silver tipped her head up, a question in her eyes.
“Isn’t that right, Connie?”
“Yes, honey. But I wasn’t referring to ballet,” she assured Wade, tilting her curly dark head back so she could look at him full on. “A commitment like that has to be made by you and your father.”
Her father. But was he?
“I’ll think about it, Silver. Okay?” He waited until she nodded, her cheeks full as a squirrel’s storing nuts. He glanced at the clock. “I guess I’d better get back. We have a board meeting this afternoon.”
“Oh, can’t you stay a few more minutes?” Connie’s rushed whisper came as Silver turned away to watch a bird. “You’ve been away so long, and Silver really needs to reconnect.”
She had gray eyes, Wade suddenly realized. True gray, not the changeable shade of blue-gray usually seen. They held his stare unwaveringly, searching his for—something.
Immediately, his hackles rose. He’d been wrong. She had found out he was coming here, had arranged for them to arrive just as David left so she could eat with him and beg him to stay. She hadn’t paid any attention to his warning. Wade had a horrible sense of déjà vu.
And he couldn’t, wouldn’t, allow it.
“I told you, Ms. Ladden. I’m very busy.” Wade rose, tossed some bills on the table and pulled on his jacket. “I don’t have time to dawdle over lunch with you.”
Emphasis on the last two words was lost on her. She leaned back in her chair and studied him for several long moments. Finally she nodded. She looked—sad. “I see.”
Wade heard a wealth of reprimand in the comment and felt a boatload of guilt. He’d only just arrived home. He wanted and needed to spend time with Silver, as she needed time with him. He wanted to see all the nuances of his quickly growing girl. But not now and not with Connie watching.
“I’ll see you both at dinner. Be good, kiddo.” With an awkward pat on Silver’s head, he escaped the nanny’s intense inspection.
“’Bye, Daddy.” Silver grabbed his hand and pulled on his sleeve, asking him to bend. When he did, she planted her lips against his cheek and gave a loud smack. “You be good, too,” she said and then dissolved in a fit of giggles.
“Right.” Wade left, striding back to the office as if hounds pursued him. He’d have to warn Connie again. Tonight. Before things got out of hand.
But as he sat behind his desk, thinking about how he should say it, Wade could almost hear David’s snickers.
What makes you think she’s after you, Abbot? Bit of an egomaniac?
Wade felt a flush of embarrassment. Maybe that was true. But as he walked into the boardroom, he resolved that he was not going to allow a second fiasco. Maybe Connie would think him a self-important jerk, and that was okay.
As long as she didn’t start thinking of him in a more personal way, as more than her employer.
“Mr. Abbot says he won’t be home for dinner tonight, Connie. He’ll get back to you about a time when the two of you can talk.”
“Fine.” Connie squeezed the telephone tightly while fighting to keep her tone even so Wade’s assistant wouldn’t guess she was upset. “Would you remind him that if Silver is to start ballet, tomorrow is the last day to register? Thank you.”
Two weeks. That’s how long Wade Abbot had been avoiding her. But in those two weeks, Connie thought he’d had ample time to make a decision on Silver’s request to take ballet lessons. And yet he still hadn’t told her his preference.
“When’s dinner?” Silver stood in the doorway, trying to stand on her very tiptoes as she’d seen at the ballet and wobbling so badly she gave up. Her tiny sneaker bells “pinged” joyously as she hopped around the room.
“Soon. I told Cora we’d love to have some yummy crow’s feet.” Connie was beginning to regret attaching those bells to so many things, though they were a good warning system announcing Silver’s presence.
“Crow’s feet?” Silver flopped down on the floor, crossed her legs and propped her chin on her hands. “That’s not a real food. Is it?”
“Of course.” Connie hid her smile as she folded the last bits of Silver’s laundry. “Crow feet stew, crow feet soup, crow feet casserole. Yum.” The teasing games were part of her effort to keep Silver from becoming too intense. Which was happening more and more as her father took pains to avoid Connie, and therefore Silver.
The question was why was he avoiding her?
“You’re joking, Connie. I can tell.”
“How can you tell?” Connie sank down on the floor across from the little girl and waited.
“When you’re joking you get a wiggly kind of a thing at the corner of your mouth. Like you want to giggle but can’t.” Silver grinned. “You’ve got it now.”
“I guess I’ll have to watch myself then.” Connie assumed a very stern look then leaned forward and began to tickle the child. “Crow feet juice for you for supper.”
“With red-painted toenails,” Silver laughed, doubling over and hooting with laughter.
“Is it necessary to make so much noise?” Amanda stood in the doorway, her frown fierce. “I have a terrible headache.”
“I’m so sorry. Can I get you anything for it?” Connie offered, springing to her feet.
“How about some peace and quiet?” the older woman snapped as she yanked the bedroom door closed. The slam reverberated to the bells on Silver’s shoes. “Now my head hurts.” Silver sighed. “How much longer is it until Daddy comes home, Connie?”
“I don’t know, sweetie. Your daddy is very busy.”
“I’m tired of busy.” Silver pressed her nose against the window, her voice drooping as much as her body. “I thought that when Daddy was home I would see him a lot, but he’s never home.”
“I know it seems like that,” Connie murmured, drawing the child into her arms. “But I’m sure it’s only while he gets things organized. You have to be patient and keep praying that God will help.” She hated saying those words. Why should a child have to beg for her father’s attention?
“I have been praying. But I think God is busy, too.” Silver sighed heavily.
“God is never too busy to hear our prayers, sweetheart. Never ever. Okay?” She chucked the girl under the chin.
“I’m hungry. Let’s go see if our crows are cooked.”
“Okay.” Silver accepted her outstretched hand and swung it as they walked downstairs. “Tonight’s the night Cora tucks me in, isn’t it?”
“Because it’s my night off, yes.” Surely she wouldn’t have to give up her plans? After many hours of chasing disappointing leads, Connie had finally tracked her father to a soup kitchen. She hoped this evening might render a clue to his current whereabouts.
Please don’t let Silver make a fuss tonight.
The prayer had no sooner left her lips than guilt descended. The last thing Connie wanted was for Silver to feel like her nanny was too busy for her, too.
“I was going out after dinner, but if you want me to stay—”
“No. I’m a big girl. And I love Cora.” Silver paused on the landing. Her voice dropped to a whisper. “But she doesn’t read stories as good as you.”
“Tomorrow we’ll do a little extra reading, okay?” Connie promised.
“Okay.” Silver smiled, but it was obvious by her quick scan of the hallway and front rooms that she was still thinking about her father’s frequent absences.
Silver’s appetite lacked its usual exuberance, and when Cora finally appeared for storytime, the child docilely handed her the book and leaned back against her pillows after kissing Connie good-night.
She was so polite, Connie mused as she made her way across Tucson to the soup kitchen, hoping to talk some more with the man who claimed to have spoken to her father. Too polite. Totally unlike the usually bouncy, boisterous little girl who reached out and grabbed at life.
Connie stepped into the old church and scanned the fellowship room. She would have to talk to Wade tonight. For Silver’s sake. She’d have to tell him that his daughter needed him to pay her some attention. How hard could that be?
No harder than questioning total strangers about a father who’d abandoned her eleven years ago, a man she barely remembered. A man from whom she desperately needed answers.
Compared to that, facing Wade would be a cakewalk.
Chapter Three
It was late and he was dead tired, but Wade plowed through the water anyway, forcing his arms to reach and pull, praying swimming would ease the tension of his body long enough for him to sleep.
Amanda had been at her finest today, pushing all his buttons with her references to the past, to the accident that had killed her husband and her son, both deaths she blamed on him.
“You killed my family.”
“My family, too,” he’d reminded her. “Someone ran into us, Amanda. I didn’t do anything wrong.”
But the words had rung hollow the first time Wade said them six years ago, and time hadn’t made them sound any better. He should have avoided the accident—somehow.
Winded and too tired to continue, Wade dragged himself out of the water. It took only minutes for the dry Arizona air to suck away the moisture. Then he pulled on his shirt and jeans over his swimsuit and stretched out on a lounger, staring at the stars above.
Where was God in all of this recrimination, he wondered. Did God blame him for killing his own father? Is that why Wade seldom felt comfortable in the home he’d loved as he grew up? Was that why he kept himself constantly on the go, to escape the guilt?
“Have I done something wrong?”
Wade’s eyes popped open. He jerked his head to the side, not needing to see her to know that Connie Ladden stood nearby. She wore jeans and a T-shirt, but not the slick form-fitting jeans most women favored. Instead Connie’s jeans looked elegantly tailored. He wondered if she’d sewn them herself, and then he told himself to focus.
“Is it so bad that you can’t even speak to me?”
“Excuse me?” Wade blinked, trying to reorient his thoughts. “Is what so bad?”
“Whatever it is that prohibits you from extending the common decency of answering my phone calls.” She was angry, evidenced by the rigid way she lowered herself onto the chaise next to his, and the glittering silver sheen of her gray eyes. Also, her mouth was pursed in a thin tight line.
“What calls?” He frowned, rubbed his forehead. “What was it you wanted?”
“Unbelievable.” She glared at him. “Absolutely un believable.”
It was not the time to speak, so Wade shut up and waited for enlightenment.
“I’ve been trying to get your consent for Silver’s enrollment in ballet. We talked about it that day at lunch two weeks ago, remember?”
A flicker of a memory returned.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t realize you were waiting for my approval,” he said finally. “I assumed you would proceed as usual and decide the matter for yourself.”
“But—” Connie frowned, peering at him through the dim light “—you’re her father, and you’re home now. The decisions about her should be yours.”
“And I am authorizing you to make them.” He swung his legs off the chaise, preparing to leave.
“Don’t you care about Silver at all?” The almost-whisper hit him like a baseball bat.
“Of course I care about her!” He rose, glared down at her. “How dare you—”
“I dare because I love that child. Her heart is breaking, because she never sees you. It’s as if you’re still in Argentina, only she doesn’t get the gifts anymore.” Connie rose too, eyes blazing. “She loves you so much, but you seem to have abandoned her.”
“Like your father abandoned you?” He regretted that the moment the words left his lips, but it was too late to take them back. “Connie—”
“Exactly like that.” She straightened and thrust her chin forward as if to repel his next attack. “At least I was eleven. Silver isn’t even five.”
“I shouldn’t have said that.”
“Why not? It’s true.” Connie’s gaze dropped. “I was abandoned, left on a street corner outside a church in Grand Forks on Christmas morning.” That wound had never quite healed. “I couldn’t bear it if Silver had to go through what I did.”
“She won’t.”
“She will if you don’t show her how much you care,” Connie insisted.
Wade already had enough guilt about the way work had taken over the moments he’d planned to spend with Silver. He couldn’t let Connie think—what, that he didn’t love the child? But that was exactly what he was afraid of saying. He was scared that the heart-wrenching adoration he felt for that tiny child would kill him when he finally found Silver’s real family and she left.
“What is wrong?”
He blinked and opened his mouth to tell her to butt out. “Don’t try to blow me off. I’ve seen you sneak into her room at night and watch her. That’s not the action of a man who doesn’t care.” Connie sat down again. “Yet you refuse to make time for her. Why?”
He studied her, and like a thief, the notion crept into his brain—maybe this was Connie’s way of getting close to him. Maybe she was so anxious to find common ground between them that she was conning him into trusting her.
“Something’s changed? What is it?” Her big gray eyes blinked up at him.
“Ms. Ladden. I thought I had made it clear that there can be no relationship between us. I’m just not interested.”
Her eyes widened. She froze for a moment then laughed. Her face was flushed a brilliant red, but embarrassment didn’t stop Connie from speaking her mind.
“You idiot!” She stepped closer until they were almost nose to nose. “I’ll tell you one last time that I am not chasing you. I am not interested in you, Wade Abbot. I could never even consider a relationship with a man who leaves his daughter behind for months on end while he chases off to some foreign country.”
“Now wait a minute. You don’t understand—”
“Just to make this very clear,” she interrupted his explanation, her tone scathing, “I certainly wouldn’t bother myself over a man who ignores a sweet little girl so badly that she goes to bed every night asking herself what she has to do to gain her father’s love.” Connie stepped back. Her voice dropped. “Believe me, Mr. Abbot, you’re just not that appealing.”
Then she turned and walked away.
“I’m not sure Silver is my daughter.”
The words pinged into the silence of the night like resounding gongs. Connie jerked to a halt and stood there, with her back to him, for perhaps ten seconds. Then she turned.
“Why don’t we go inside?” she said quietly, her expression blank. “I’ll make us something to drink. Then perhaps we can hash this out.” Her eyes met his and held. “Because there is no way in this world that Silver is not your daughter. No way.”
A second later, she’d disappeared into the hedge, no doubt headed for the kitchen.
Wade had finally said it out loud, at last admitting the one thing he most feared.
“I’ve just given her a reason for us to work together,” he muttered as he climbed the back stairs to his room. “How stupid can I get?”
Stupid, maybe. But it was also a relief. He’d assumed, though it hurt him deeply, that the best thing was to stay away from Silver, not let her get too attached in case he eventually managed to do the right thing and return her to her real family.
He had a hunch Connie was going to tell him that was the wrong approach.
I’m not sure Silver is my daughter.
The starkness of Wade’s voice when he’d said that still hurt Connie’s heart.
A thousand questions tumbled around in her brain, but she stuffed them back and concentrated on mixing the hot chocolate packets with hot water.
Help me help him, Lord. Let me be a ray of light in his darkness.
“Miss Ladden—”
“Whenever you want to reprimand me, or when you suspect me of something, you always call me Miss Ladden. My name is Connie. And let’s get one thing clear.” She motioned for him to sit on one of the stools. “I am not here for any reason but that I want Silver to be happy. In order for that to happen, she needs her daddy. Okay?”
He nodded, took the cup she offered and began idly stirring it.
“So?” She sipped her hot chocolate and waited.
“I don’t know where to start.”
“Start with why you left Silver here when you went to Argentina,” she suggested.
“She was two. There was unrest in the country. I was working in a desolate region. It was no place for a child. To leave her in the city—” He shrugged. “Kidnappings are not uncommon in Argentina.”
“But then why go there in the first place?” Connie hoped he’d explain and not tell her it was none of her business—which it wasn’t.
“I didn’t have a choice.” Wade sighed, took a sip of his drink and began his story. “My father was not young when he met and married Amanda. I was twenty-four when their son Danny was born.”
“Was Danny a problem for you?” she murmured.
“No.” He smiled. “Danny was a sweetheart. Nobody who met him didn’t love that kid. He was a firecracker, and I adored being his big brother.” The smiled faded. “Danny and my father died in a car accident. And Amanda blamed me.”
“Why?”
“I was driving the car that night.”
The stark pain in those words kept Connie silent. She prayed wordlessly.
“It was my dad’s birthday. He loved golfing, so we’d spent the day at the golf course. Of course Danny had to come, too.” Wade’s lips twitched upward for a second. “The kid was a natural.”
Silence yawned. But Connie didn’t break it, sensing that Wade needed to do this in his own time, his own way.
“It started to rain—hard. I would have pulled over, but Dad wanted to get back home. Amanda had arranged a birthday party and he didn’t want to be late for it.” He took a deep breath and said the rest in a rush. “A car came up too fast behind us, slid into us and pushed us into oncoming traffic. Dad had turned, trying to calm Danny. The impact forced a rib into his lungs, which collapsed.”
“And Danny?” Connie held her breath.
Wade looked straight at her, his face like stone, his body hunched over as if he’d been struck.
“His seat belt came undone. Amanda later claimed it had never been done up. Danny was thrown from the car. He died.” His white face barren of all expression, Wade continued. “Amanda couldn’t forgive me. With Dad’s shares, she had a majority in the company. To punish me, she persuaded the board that I was needed in Brazil to finish a project. I didn’t argue. I just wanted to get away.”
He needed something to draw him from his private agony.
“Brazil is where you met your wife,” Connie said.
“Bella. Yes.” He nodded. But the joy she’d expected to see in his eyes wasn’t there.
“What was she like?”
“Beautiful in an exotic kind of way. Long, curly black hair and olive skin. Dark expressive eyes. Very Latin in demeanor. Bella loved to dance. She was always the highlight of any party.” The words came out like little staccato beats, without expression.
“And you had Silver.”
“Yes.” Wade smiled, but he didn’t continue. Why? Was his wife’s death too painful?
“Bella liked being a mom?”
“At first you could hardly get Silver out of her arms.”
At first, Connie noted. “You were happy?”
“I thought so.” Wade looked straight at her. “I had to be at the work site in the country during the week, but I always returned to Rio on the weekends.” He swallowed.
“One Friday I came home and there was a note. Bella had left me and taken Silver. I’d barely read it when the police called. She and the man she was leaving me for were dead. Smoke inhalation from a fire aboard their yacht. Mercifully, Silver was fine. I took her and came back home.”
“But you didn’t stay in Tucson.”
Wade shook his head.
“Can I ask why?”
“Why?” A wry half smile tilted his mouth. “I was very successful in Brazil. Profits were pouring in. I’d landed a whole new contract, bigger and better in Argentina. No way did the board want me at home.”
The board or Amanda? Connie mulled over his words, her brain assembling the pieces.
“I was ordered back.”
“So you left Silver here because you were worried about her safety,” she surmised, waiting for his nod. “What about Bella’s relatives?”
“Bella came from a very poor family. She had two sisters, but they were struggling with their own lives. They didn’t want a niece to add to their baggage.”
“It’s sad they’ve missed out on so much,” she murmured.
“Knowing Silver is something to be cherished.”
He looked at her, relief dawning. “Yes.”
Connie waited and waited, but Wade said no more. He finished his drink and pushed the mug away. She was going to have to press for more details.
“But why would any of that make you think you aren’t Silver’s father?”
Wade said nothing at first. After a moment, he walked around the breakfast bar and pulled a snapshot of Silver off the fridge. He held it up next to his face.
“Notice any similarity?”
Connie glanced from him to the picture and back. Finally, she shook her head. Wade reached into his pocket and pulled out his wallet. He removed a small square and set it on the granite countertop.
Connie sucked in her breath, stunned by the beauty of the woman smiling at the camera.
“Bella. She was very beautiful.”
Wade didn’t speak. He simply set Bella’s picture next to Silver’s. The truth hit Connie like a sledgehammer.
“Bella’s boyfriend?” she whispered. “The one who died?”
“Bingo. Blond hair, blue eyes.” Wade’s face didn’t alter as he returned the photos to their respective places. Then he sat again. “Now you understand.”
“I don’t really,” Connie murmured, unable to absorb the implications of his words. “There are such things as recessive genes.”
“As far as I know, there has never been a blond in my family. I’m sure the same is true for Bella’s.”
“But your name is on the birth certificate, isn’t it?”
He nodded.
“Then you’re Silver’s parent. Who could dispute that?”
“A word on a piece of paper doesn’t make a lie true.”
Connie opened her mouth, but the words she’d been about to utter got stuck when she saw Wade’s face. Stark pain bled from his expressive eyes.
“I can pretend I’m her father, but that doesn’t make it so.”
“Pretend?” She leaned forward to peer into his face.
“Are you only pretending?”
“No! But—” he shrugged his shoulders, sighed. “Don’t you see my problem?”
“No, not really,” she admitted. “You have been the custodial parent of record for her entire life. Silver is healthy, happy and settled in the home that you’ve provided for her. Contesting that would be difficult.”
Wade blinked. “How do you come to know so much about parental rights, Connie?”
“Hang around long enough in the foster care system and you become very familiar with all the legal mumbo jumbo.” She tossed him a smile but refocused on Silver’s picture.
“Have you spoken with David about your worries?”
“I haven’t spoken with anyone—until now.”
“You have to talk to David. He’s a lawyer. He can make sure that no one can question your rights.” Something about Wade’s face made Connie stop.
“Maybe Silver would be better off with her real family,” he murmured.
“You are her ‘real’ family. She’s never known anyone else. Would you actually sit back and let Silver go?” She couldn’t believe it. She’d seen Wade’s face after he snuck into the little girl’s room each night. He loved Silver. “I can’t believe you care about her so little.”
He hunkered forward, his glare intense.
“It’s because I care about her so much that I came back. I bought up shares of the company while I was away. Amanda won’t be able to force my hand anymore.” His fingers fisted. “But what if Bella’s ‘friend’ had family who would love and protect Silver far better than I’m able to? What if she has half brothers and sisters who would fill her life with love and joy? What if—”
“I can’t listen to this.” Connie jumped up from her stool. She flung the mugs into the dishwasher and snapped the door closed while struggling to contain her temper. It didn’t work. “How dare you?” she sputtered.
“Uh—” Wade’s jaw dropped at her ferocity.
“How dare you refuse the wonderful gift God has given you? How dare you even imagine that God would allow you such a precious child without giving you whatever is needed to raise her?” Connie glared at him. “Your biggest problem isn’t your father’s or Danny’s or Bella’s deaths, Wade. Your biggest problem is you are afraid to give a wonderful little girl who asks nothing of you the one thing she craves. You’re a chicken. You can hardly wait to dump Silver on somebody else so you can hightail it back to South America and continue your isolation.”
“Now just a minute—”
“Isn’t it true?”
“No!” He was standing now, too, his face furious. “I’m trying to do what’s right for her.”
“Like you were trying to do what was right for the last nanny when you had David fire her?” Connie shook her head. “You’ll do almost anything to avoid commitment, won’t you? You’re like some of the parents who let their kids grow up at my foster parents’ home because they were too selfish to expand their lives to include everything that goes along with having a child in their world.”
“Parents like your father, you mean?” Wade snapped.
Connie ignored the bite of pain and nodded.
“Exactly like him. Tonight I spoke to a man who knew my father. Do you know what he told me?”
“I have a feeling you’ll explain.”
She ignored the snarly tone of his voice, because she knew he was hurting.
“Eleven years ago my father found out he had cancer. He dumped me because he was afraid he wouldn’t be able to take care of me. He had some weird notion that it would be better for me to be taken in by strangers than to spend our last days together.”
“Maybe that was the right decision,” Wade murmured frowning.
“It wasn’t!” Connie had to make him understand. “If I’d known my father might be dying, I could have been there, had time to say the things in my heart and told him I loved him. Instead, I’ve spent every night of the past eleven years praying he survived and dreaming of a second chance to spend just one hour with a man who dumped me because it was easier. I’ve wasted years wondering where he was, why he didn’t come for me, if I wasn’t lovable, if I’m always going to be left behind when it comes to the kind of true love that the Bible talks about. The kind that hopes all things, believes all things, endures all things. Self-doubts and a boatload of questions—that’s the legacy my father’s ‘right’ decision left me, Wade.”
The tears came then, waves of pure sorrow drawn from the well of her pain. And there wasn’t a thing Connie could do to stop her heaving sobs.
A terrible silence yawned. Then a moment later, Wade’s arms enfolded her.
“I’m sorry, Connie. I’m truly sorry.”
After a few blissful moments, she pulled away, furious that she’d done the one thing she’d vowed would never happen with Wade Abbot. She’d allowed herself to act like the previous nanny whom he’d sent away. Now he would be really worried that she was after him.
“I didn’t mean—”
“Nobody ever means to hurt people, Wade. But that doesn’t stop it from happening.” She stepped back, fighting to regain her composure. “Thank you for telling me your problem. I promise I won’t share it. But it seems to me that you have a decision to make.”
“I do?”
“Yes.” She paused, forming the words in her head before she spoke them so their impact would force him to think about the effect of his actions on Silver.
“What decision would that be?” Wade looked impatient and frustrated.
“Whether or not you believe Silver is worth fighting for.”
Wade said nothing, simply glared at her. Connie walked upstairs, pausing by Silver’s door. She dried her cheeks and smoothed her hair just in case Silver had wakened. Then she stepped inside the room.
The little girl lay curled in her bed, eyes closed, one hand under her rosy cheek, her lips tilted in a smile. She cuddled the parrot Wade had given her under one arm, her soft breathing ruffling its fur.
Connie knelt by the bed and silently poured her heart out to the One who always listened.
“He can’t let her go, God. It would hurt Silver so terribly. She loves Wade. She needs him in her life to guide her and love her. Please open his eyes.”
She heard the soft muffle of footsteps at the door, but she didn’t look up. A few moments later, the steps went away. Connie knew it was Wade, knew he’d been checking on the child he loved, whether he could admit that love to himself or not.
It was clear from his story that Wade had been hurt, badly wounded by the loss of loved ones and the treachery of a woman he’d thought he could trust. In his absence from Silver, those wounds had festered, fed by the poison of self-doubts.
What could she do to help?
When no answers arrived, Connie rose and left the little girl to her rest. She returned to her own room and the window seat where she could gaze at the stars and commune with God.
A lone figure sat on the pool deck, staring into the water, oblivious to the cool wind that had Connie quickly closing her window. Her heart went out to Wade. She had to help. But how?
And then it came to her. Perhaps Wade would think she was following in her predecessor’s steps, but Connie was going to spend the next few weeks figuring out ways to get father and daughter together.
“If he can finally understand that no matter whose genes she carries, Silver will never consider anyone but Wade as her father, perhaps he’ll understand why he has to be the man she needs.”
It was an awesome challenge, especially given Connie’s overwhelming reaction to being cradled in his arms. But it was natural, wasn’t it, to respond when someone empathized with you?
“Yeah.” Her conscience mocked her. “Let’s go with that. Let’s pretend you didn’t enjoy Wade’s embrace.”
Chapter Four
“What are we doing, Connie?” Silver’s bright blue eyes scanned the mess atop the dining room table.
“Preparing for your Christmas party.”
“A party?” Silver’s blue eyes grew huge. “But it’s not Christmas for a long time.”
“One month from today is Christmas day.” Connie showed her on the calendar. “And the day after Thanksgiving is exactly the right time to start thinking about Christmas.” She tweaked the child’s nose. “So we have to get busy.”
“I can help you?” Silver clapped her hands. A second later she’d pulled up a chair next to Connie’s. “Who will come to my party?”
“Well, I think we should invite Hornby and Cora,” Connie suggested.
“Yes. And Uncle David.”
“Okay.” Surely a party would help her charge forget about her father’s inattentiveness for a little while? Relieved the child was getting into the spirit of things, Connie gave her the notepad and helped her write David’s name.
“We have to invite David’s sister, too,” Silver insisted. “Her name is Darla. She had a skiing accident and hurt her head, but she’s getting better.”
“Is she well enough to come to a party, do you think?” Connie watched anticipation build in the little girl’s heart-shaped face.
“Yes!” Silver jiggled in her seat, her excitement setting the tiny bell on her jeans’ pocket tinkling. They added Darla’s name to the list.
“Who else would you like to invite?”
“Grandma?” Silver whispered with a glance over one shoulder. “It wouldn’t be nice to have a party and not ask her.”
“No, it wouldn’t,” Connie agreed, wondering if Wade’s cranky stepmother would put in the effort to show up, especially since her histrionics yesterday had spoiled Cora’s lovely Thanksgiving meal.
“Grandma’s always sad,” Silver said. “Maybe a party will make her happy.”
“Maybe it will.” Privately, Connie doubted that.
“Can I invite the kids from my preschool?”
“Oh, sweetie, I’m not sure—”
“What’s going on here?” a low voice demanded.
“Daddy!”
Connie flinched in surprise. She’d come up with the party idea hoping to surprise Wade with a fait accompli, so that he wouldn’t have time to think up a refusal to help. The man never showed up at home midafternoon. Why today?
“We’re planning my Christmas party, Daddy.” Silver bounced off her chair and raced over to him. “It’s going to be so fun.”
“A party, huh? When is it?” He chucked Silver under the chin awkwardly and smiled at her giggles.
Connie gave him credit for at least trying to be fatherly.
“I don’t know.” Silver grabbed his hand and pulled him toward the table. “But you can help, Daddy.”
“Me? But I can’t.” He looked terrified. “I have to—”
“Please, Daddy?” Silver wheedled. “We have so many things to decide,” she said in a parrot-like voice that Connie recognized as mimicking her own.
“I’m sure.” Wade looked like he wanted to bolt, but to Connie’s relief he sat. “Okay, what’s first?”
“The date,” Connie said.
“What day could you come, Daddy?” Silver wiggled her way onto his lap. She smiled and patted his cheek.
“I’m invited?” He sounded bewildered.
“You have to be there,” Silver said in all seriousness, “because the other kids at preschool think I made you up.”
The pathos of those words wrenched Connie’s heart. She glanced at Wade and saw that he, too, was moved.
“Uh, how about a week from today? Would that fit in your schedule?” Connie suggested.
Wade’s head jerked up.
“Only a week?” He gulped.
“A whole week?” Silver mourned.
“You’ll be so busy it will fly by,” Connie promised Silver. “We have decorations to put up and party favors to make. Invitations to print. All kinds of stuff.”
“Oh.” For once Silver had nothing to say. But her big blue eyes brimmed with questions.
“What exactly are you planning to do at this party?” Wade licked his lips like a man in the desert craving water.
“Games, food, singing. All the things kids do at a party.” Connie paused. “It is all right, isn’t it?”
“A little late to ask me that,” Wade mumbled, glancing at Silver’s bent head meaningfully.
Connie studied the paper in front of her. Because if she looked up and met his stare, he’d see that she deliberately hadn’t told him of her idea in case he vetoed it.
“Oh, never mind,” he said, obviously disgruntled. “Plan away.” He moved as if to rise.
“But I’m going to need your help,” Connie blurted. It didn’t take a genius to read his skepticism. “With a game,” she said. “I can’t do it alone.”
“Why not?” he said, with one eyebrow tilted. “You’ve managed this far.”
“I can’t handle a whole treasure hunt on my own.” It was an off-the-cuff response, the first thing she thought of, but Silver’s gasp made Connie wish she hadn’t said it aloud in case she couldn’t deliver.
“The other kids would really like a treasure hunt, Daddy,” she said, threading her arms around his neck.
“So would I. Please?”
Wade held his little girl delicately, as if afraid she’d break. His fingers hovered over the gossamer silver hair as one would approach a butterfly and drew away just as quickly, fear chasing doubt as he eased out of Silver’s exuberant embrace. “Please, Daddy.”
In that instant, Connie pitied Wade Abbott. He wanted to love Silver, she knew he did, though fear held him in its steely grip. Still, Silver was a powerful motivation to let go. With her blue eyes and adoring begging voice urging him to grant her request, most men would be putty in her hands. Poor Wade didn’t stand a chance.
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