Wherever You Are
Elle Wright
Take a second chance on me…Avery Montgomery created a hit show about her old neighborhood, but there’s one secret she can’t reveal: the reason she left town. Avery felt like an outsider in Dr. Elwood Jackson’s world, thanks to his brother’s disapproval. Elwood has never forgiven Avery for leaving. But when a crisis lands her in El’s emergency room, passion sparks hotter than before. Will it be too late for another chance at love?
Take a second chance on me...
Avery Montgomery created a hit show about her old neighborhood, but there’s one secret she can’t reveal: the reason she left town. Avery felt like an outsider in Dr. Elwood Jackson’s world, thanks to his brother’s disapproval. Elwood has never forgiven Avery for leaving. But when a crisis lands her in El’s emergency room, passion sparks hotter than before. Will it be too late for another chance at love?
There was never a time when ELLE WRIGHT wasn’t about to start a book, already deep in a book or just finishing one. She grew up believing in the importance of reading, and became a lover of all things romance when her mother gave her her first romance novel. She lives in Southeast Michigan.
Also By Elle Wright (#ub7cd4e72-b174-5979-bf81-d6fe6b02046d)
It’s Always Been You
Wherever You Are
Discover more at millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk)
Wherever You Are
Elle Wright
www.millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk)
ISBN: 978-1-474-08484-0
WHEREVER YOU ARE
© 2018 Leslie Wright
Published in Great Britain 2018
by Mills & Boon, an imprint of HarperCollinsPublishers 1 London Bridge Street, London, SE1 9GF
All rights reserved including the right of reproduction in whole or in part in any form. This edition is published by arrangement with Harlequin Books S.A.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, locations and incidents are purely fictional and bear no relationship to any real life individuals, living or dead, or to any actual places, business establishments, locations, events or incidents. Any resemblance is entirely coincidental.
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When her gaze met his, she knew he’d felt the spark, too. It was like a bolt of lightning whenever they were within arm’s reach of each other.
Dr. Elwood Jackson. Still fine as ever.
A sexy smirk flashed across his face before it was replaced with...apathy. “Avery,” he greeted.
“El,” she replied, willing the warmth that had pooled in her belly away. “What are you doing here?” Avery gestured to the guard and waved him away. The burly six-foot-two man stepped back, giving her and El some space.
“Honestly, I don’t know. Maybe I just wanted to come and see for myself if you were real. Or if you were a figment of my imagination.”
The barb hurt, but she didn’t blame him. The last time they’d seen each other hadn’t been pleasant. Massaging her aching temple, she answered, “Touché.”
They stood in silence, each of them taking the other in. His gaze traveled down the length of her body, causing the hairs on her arms to stand on end and her stomach to do the crazy flips it always did when he was near. Like a magnet, he made her want to step forward, right into his arms.
Dear Reader (#ub7cd4e72-b174-5979-bf81-d6fe6b02046d),
Some couples don’t get it right the first time. Wherever You Are explores how a second chance at love can be so much sweeter.
A wise person once told me that “God will find a way to sit you down, to make you rest.” Avery is at that point in her life, forced to rest due to a health crisis, and it’s not easy for her. Dr. Elwood Jackson (El) is the man who helps Avery heal. He’s also her first love. Their relationship didn’t end well, but when she needs him—despite the hurt and betrayal of the past—he is there for her.
Wherever You Are deals with forgiveness and understanding, moving forward while dealing with the past. Most of all, it’s about loving another person unconditionally, being willing to see the best in someone and loving them through the pain.
I hope you enjoy the ride!
Love,
Elle
ElleWright.com (http://www.ElleWright.com)
@LWrightAuthor (https://twitter.com/lwrightauthor?lang=en)
To my mother, Regina; you are missed.
Acknowledgments (#ub7cd4e72-b174-5979-bf81-d6fe6b02046d)
I thank my God for His protection, His provision, His love. I would be nothing without Him.
To Jason; my children, Asante, Kaia, Masai; and the rest of my family, I love you all BIG. There are so many of you, I can’t name everyone. But you know who you are. I learned long ago that you don’t have to be blood to be family, and that couldn’t be more true. I appreciate the time, the talks, the hugs, the tears...everything. I thank you all for your unwavering support.
To my agent, Sara, I thank you for believing in me.
To the Kimani family, thank you for your encouragement.
Hard to believe I’m on this journey. I couldn’t have done it without all of your love and support. Thank you for being #TeamElle! You all mean the world to me!
Contents
Cover (#ue06f934d-f415-508d-82e2-4fac07fc4a75)
Back Cover Text (#uaee7ece2-5899-50c4-bd5f-53e97487b805)
About the Author (#u48b010f8-5092-5502-8370-91c708ee21f4)
Booklist (#u478d6777-eb27-5993-9e88-3d1746cf7146)
Title Page (#ua96a9f67-981e-5267-94da-568617872266)
Copyright (#u3fdbbe90-ab16-5100-ac67-4819f03aec24)
Introduction (#ud8c080dd-6e3c-5a9b-9b50-c80063d1c958)
Dear Reader (#u587579d2-3025-581e-bc92-da3e31c26e7c)
Dedication (#u6dae0163-f1d0-5e64-b846-12ce0314485a)
Acknowledgments (#u7242e009-561b-5e6c-93dc-77c4e4e47f76)
Chapter 1 (#u9a2ba1b2-240e-539b-9081-723d8e488b3b)
Chapter 2 (#ub6ea1cd1-94a2-505b-8b6c-99ddead50cfc)
Chapter 3 (#uf93276ca-e510-58fe-8585-aa231549e0da)
Chapter 4 (#u3df374c1-f65a-5e7c-b34b-a39e720cdde0)
Chapter 5 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 6 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 7 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 8 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 9 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 10 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 11 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 12 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 13 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 14 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 15 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 16 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 17 (#litres_trial_promo)
Epilogue (#litres_trial_promo)
Extract (#litres_trial_promo)
About the Publisher (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 1 (#ub7cd4e72-b174-5979-bf81-d6fe6b02046d)
“Life is full of twists and turns, dips and hills.” Avery Montgomery viewed her audience. Some were smiling; some were crying; some were simply listening. She’d rocked it! Every anecdote, every joke, every story...on point. Who knew she could add public speaking to her already amazing résumé? But... Ooo wee, is this what a hot flash feels like?
Avery pulled at her sweater and took a quick sip of her water. As she viewed some of the hopeful faces in the front row, she thought back on her college graduation many years ago and the view of life she’d had back then. Graduating at the top of her class in molecular biology was no small feat, and she’d dreamed of being invited back one day to encourage young women of color to pursue careers in math and science.
When she was twenty-one—the same age of many of those in front of her—she would have placed a wager that she’d be completing her residency right now and getting ready for a coveted fellowship at Johns Hopkins.
Yet she wasn’t standing before the beautiful, intelligent graduates of the University of Michigan as Dr. Avery Montgomery. Instead, she was standing before them as Avery Montgomery, creator, head writer and executive producer of a top television show.
Giving the keynote address at the Black Celebratory, a program put in place to acknowledge and celebrate the African American experience at her alma mater, meant everything to her. Avery couldn’t help but snicker at the irony, though. No Johns Hopkins. No residency. But she’d still been invited to inspire a room full of hopeful college graduates.
“Never be afraid to step outside of your comfort zone. Don’t be afraid to fail. Embrace rejection, not because it’s a part of life, but because it’s a learning tool that will propel you to new heights,” she continued, squeezing the podium.
Avery’s gaze dropped down to her notes. The words blurred in front of her. Her head hurt in a way it had never hurt before. In fact, it was the worst headache of her life. But she pushed herself to keep going, as she did every day. Okay, I got this.
“You already know the standard platitudes given to graduates. Never let your major, your advisors, your parents or your friends prevent you from following your dream. That’s very true. When I started my time here at the University of Michigan, I wasn’t going to let anyone tell me I couldn’t be a scientist, that I wouldn’t become a doctor.”
Glancing up from the podium, she met one of her favorite professors’ eyes and smiled. Then she scanned the audience once again. “I stand before you...”
The word “today” died on her lips when she spotted the familiar silhouette in front of her, at the entrance of the auditorium. The massive Power Center was packed full of proud parents, giddy grandparents, solemn professors and others there to wish the 2018 graduating class much success. The spotlight was on her, but it might as well have been on him. She couldn’t see his face, but there was no mistaking the man who had made her life on campus what she’d deem the best time of her life.
A flash from a camera jerked her thoughts back to the matter at hand. “I...” She covered by clearing her throat and taking another long gulp of water. “Today, I stand before you as someone who thought I knew my destiny—until I didn’t. And that’s okay.” Unable to help herself, she looked at the entrance of the massive space again. He was gone.
“It’s okay to veer off your predetermined road because your future may be off the map altogether. Be open to the possibilities of life,” she said, in closing. “You won’t regret it. Thank you.”
Avery waved, took a quick bow and hugged Professor Bauer before an escort led her off the stage. When she’d accepted the formal invitation to speak, she’d hoped to stay behind and greet some of the students, but a last-minute change to her schedule prevented that.
She wasted no time unhooking the microphone from the lapel of her suit. Thanking her escort, she proceeded toward the waiting limousine with her security following close behind. Avery could hear the cheers from the auditorium as she walked, and she felt a pang of guilt for leaving before she could shake the hands of the graduates.
“Duty calls,” she mumbled to herself with a quick roll of her eyes.
“No time to greet your fans?”
Avery tripped and almost hit the floor. Fortunately for her, that smooth baritone voice belonged to someone whose reflexes were unrivaled. His smell wrapped around her brain while his strong arms snaked around her waist, preventing her fall.
She backed out of his warm grasp quickly and tugged on her suit jacket. When her gaze met his, she knew he’d felt the spark, too. It was like a bolt of lightning whenever they were within arm’s distance of each other.
Dr. Elwood Jackson. Still fine as ever.
A sexy smirk flashed across his face before it was replaced with...apathy. “Avery,” he greeted her.
“El,” she replied, willing the warmth that had pooled in her belly away. “What are you doing here?” Avery gestured to the guard, and waved him off. The burly, six-foot-two man stepped back, giving her and El some space.
“Maybe I just wanted to come and see for myself if you were real. Or if you were a figment of my imagination.”
The barb hurt, but she didn’t blame him. The last time they’d seen each other hadn’t been pleasant. In fact, she’d rate it as one of the worst moments of her life. Three years hadn’t been long enough to erase the hurt or the longing she felt simply being in his presence.
Massaging her aching temple, she answered, “Touché.”
They stood in silence, each of them taking the other in. His gaze traveled down the length of her body, causing the hairs on her arms to stand on end and her stomach to do the crazy flips it always had when he was near. Like a magnet, his pull made her want to step forward, right into his arms. She wouldn’t, of course. Too much had happened between them to ever go there again.
“Are you okay?” he asked, concern now shining in his dark orbs. “You look like you don’t feel well.”
“I’m fine,” she lied, knowing he wouldn’t believe her. He’d always been able to see right through her. Except the one time he didn’t.
“Good speech,” he told her.
“Thanks. I was nervous.”
“I couldn’t tell.”
This wasn’t right. Awkward conversation wasn’t something she’d ever have associated with the two of them. Not even on the day they met had their conversation consisted of averted gazes and start–stops.
“Why did you really come, El?”
His tongue darted out to wet his lips and she followed the motion intently. “Honestly, I don’t know. I heard you were asked to give the keynote speech, and I know it’s something you’ve always wanted to do. I guess I was just curious, interested in hearing what you had to say.”
“Well?”
He edged closer to her. “You said exactly what I thought you’d say.”
Avery sucked in a deep breath when he inched even closer. Swallowing, she croaked, “And what’s that?”
He shrugged. “Be open to possibilities. I wonder, though...” He brushed a hair off her forehead. His touch was feather soft, yet Avery felt like he was winding her up, pulling her at all ends.
She wasn’t sure what he was about, but she needed to do something, say something, that would put them back on an even footing. Because right then he was in control and she was...wanting him to be in control—of her body and her mind. The thought was sobering, considering it had been several years since they’d even conversed. El was still the only man who had that effect on her.
“What do you wonder?” she asked, leaning forward against her better judgment.
Sighing, El glanced at his phone. “Nothing.”
Avery knew El well enough to know that whatever he’d been going to say would never be said. And she just had to be okay with that.
She allowed herself another glance at his tall, lean frame, his brown skin and curly mane. Everything about him was still perfect. She glanced at his wrist and her heart swelled.
“You’re wearing the watch I gave you,” she said, changing the subject.
El shrugged. “I’m not even sure why. It’s just a reminder of the time we’ve been apart.”
Avery remembered that Christmas morning, waking up next to him after making love all night. She recalled how excited he’d been when he opened the gift. The Banneker watch was made using luxury wood, but she knew the significance of the timepiece would mean more to El than the watch itself. That was why she’d saved up and purchased it for him. Banneker Inc. was a minority-owned watch and clock company, named after African American scientist Benjamin Banneker. It was also one of the only watch companies operated by people of color. Each watch was original and the packaging included information about Benjamin Banneker’s many accomplishments.
Avery smiled sadly. “El, I guess I understand why you feel the way you do, but can we—”
The loud blare of his phone interrupted her attempt to...what? Talk? Make amends? Start over? At this point, she wasn’t sure what she wanted.
El turned his back on her as he answered his phone. The low, serious tone of his voice told her it was the hospital. Her speculations were confirmed when he turned around and told her, “I have to go.”
Before she could stop him, he disappeared around the corner.
When she arrived back at the hotel, she pulled her suit coat off and kicked her shoes off. Usually there was a flurry of activity around her at all times, but the suite was relatively quiet, which was exactly what she needed. She’d only been in Michigan for a few hours and it already felt like a lifetime.
Although Ann Arbor was her home for most of her life, it had been months since she’d been back. The last visit was incognito. She’d flown in for a family funeral and left again before the day was out. It wasn’t that she hated her city. It was just the opposite. Even though Avery now called Georgia home, as beautiful and happening as Atlanta was, it paled in comparison to her hometown and her home state in her mind. She’d often dreamed of the tree-lined streets, colorful people and Blimpy burgers. But life had taken her in a different direction—away from everything she’d thought she held dear, including El. Her town had been good to her today, though. The temperature was a comfortable seventy-five degrees, with a light wind and blue skies. It was a beautiful May day, one she wished she could have enjoyed.
“Avery?”
The familiar voice of her best friend called to her, jolting her out of her memories. “Jess? You’re here? Yay!” Avery embraced her friend Jessica Brown in a tight hug. “I thought I was going to see you at the graduation.”
“I know. I tried to get there,” Jess said. “My meeting ran longer than I thought it would.”
Avery waved her friend off. “It’s okay. That, I definitely understand.”
Work was always hectic for Avery, and it seemed her life was one big meeting. If she wasn’t implementing last minute script changes with her staff, meeting with network executives or running from one interview to the next, she was writing until the wee hours of the morning.
“No worries,” Avery told Jess. “You can probably watch it on YouTube right now.”
Jess eyed her. “Avery?”
“Huh?” she answered, squeezing her eyes shut. The headache that she’d woken up with that morning had seemed to intensify after her run-in with El. However, there was no time built into her schedule for sickness. Unfortunately, no amount of pain reliever seemed to ease the symptoms. Massaging her temples, she met her friend’s cautious gaze. “I’ve missed you, girlfriend. We all set for the flight? I’m so glad you’re coming to LA with me.”
Jess nodded, concern in her dark-brown eyes. “Yes, but are you okay? You don’t look well.”
“Avery!”
Her attention snapped to Luke, her assistant. So much for quiet. Luke had been with her for the past year, and he’d definitely made the job his own with his exceptional ability to multitask and keep her on time. Avery had a tendency to get so engrossed in work that she forgot to do simple things, like eat or shower or sleep. He’d insisted on traveling with her to Ann Arbor so they could finalize her summer schedule before he left for his month-long vacation back home in Alaska. A last-minute trip to Los Angeles to film a segment on a popular morning talk show was her last appearance. Then Avery was also finally taking some time off. “Yes, Luke.”
Luke was scribbling wildly in his planner, his bald head gleaming. “Walter called. He wants to know if you can squeeze in a—”
“No,” Avery told him. “I told you, I wanted this time to work on something personal for me.”
“I’ll let him know,” Luke grumbled. “Oh, Monique has called several times. I told her you’d get back with her as soon as possible.”
Avery groaned and took a seat on a sofa. Monique was one of her scriptwriters who was more than likely calling about the new changes Avery sent earlier that morning. “I know, Luke. Trust me, I know.”
When Avery submitted the novel she’d written in her spare time during a summer break to a publisher all those years ago, she had no idea the world she’d created would eventually turn into the wildly successful drama series The Preserves. One day she’d been in her fourth year of medical school and finishing a yearlong master’s degree in clinical research, the next she’d been “discovered” and eventually transformed into an overnight celebrity. Who knew a collection of stories based on the neighborhood she’d grown up in would be this popular? So popular that her little book was optioned for a scripted television series that had recently finished its first season a ratings hit. There were chat rooms devoted to her, fan fiction created around her characters and her world.
Luke strutted over and set a piece of paper in front of her. “According to Monique, the network doesn’t like the direction you’re going for next season. They want changes. You may have to rethink the love triangle. The audience is too invested in Robert and Riley. We can’t throw Caleb into the mix.”
Scanning the document Luke handed her—a screen print of the first page of her new script—she frowned at the word “No” in big bold letters across the top of the paper. Damn. “Get Walter on the phone,” she ordered, sighing heavily. “Tell him to handle it. It’s his job to go to bat for me with the network. I can’t do this right now.”
Jess set a tall glass of ice water in front of her, and Avery gulped it down in two-point-two seconds. Something wasn’t right, but she couldn’t put her finger on it. Swallowing roughly, she closed her eyes and briefly considered calling her doctor.
“Luke,” Avery called out, without opening her eyes. “Leave. You have a plane to catch. I’ll be fine. Jess is rolling with me while you’re out.”
Avery intended to return to Michigan after her trip to Los Angeles to work on her special project, the Avery Montgomery Foundation. Although Avery was sure she could handle her life without Luke, Jess had agreed to step in and help when she could, if things went left.
Avery’s competent but loud assistant announced a few last-minute changes to her LA itinerary, and within ten minutes he was gone.
Now alone with Jess, Avery let out a slow breath. Peace and quiet was what she needed.
“So, how did the speech go?” Jess asked, joining her on the sofa. “Did you get a chance to meet any of the... Avery?”
Avery couldn’t think. It made her head throb even more.
“Avery,” Jess whispered, pressing a comforting hand to her back. “Maybe you should lie down.”
Avery shook her head. “I’m fine, so stop worrying.”
“But...” Jess shrugged. “I’ll grab you something to eat. Maybe that will help.”
Avery was excited to spend some time with her best friend. She appreciated Jess more than the other woman would probably ever know.
Avery was the youngest of five. Her father had married her mother after a nasty divorce from his first wife. Her siblings were all at least a decade older than she, which had made for a lonely childhood at times. More than that, her older sisters couldn’t stand her because she represented the deterioration of their parents’ relationship. They also couldn’t stand Avery’s mother, Janice, so her sisters had never really tried to have a relationship with her. Despite how often she’d tried to reach out to them, they never reciprocated and she’d eventually given up.
But Jess had filled in the gaps, becoming the sister she’d always dreamed she’d have in her own sisters. Their bond had never dissipated, even though they’d found themselves pulled in different directions. Avery had been hell-bent on becoming a doctor, while Jess had her heart set on becoming an educator. Yet even though they’d run in different school crowds, they’d still managed to stay close. Avery had stood up at Jess’s wedding as her maid of honor. And when Jess lost her husband to a horrible accident mere weeks after her wedding, Avery had dropped everything to support her.
In recent years, Jess had turned her focus to empowering high school students hoping to attend the University of Michigan. As Director of Academic Success at the Ross Business School, Jess had been transforming lives and increasing African American enrollment at the college.
They’d saved each other countless times over the years, and Avery wouldn’t trade her friendship with Jess for anything or anyone.
Avery wanted to confess to her friend about El. Lord knew she needed to tell someone. But she didn’t want to hear what would inevitably come next. Jess wouldn’t be able to help herself. The other woman was firmly #TeamEl, and it would undoubtedly piss Avery off. The last thing she wanted to hear was her bestie waxing poetic about signs and connections and meant-to-be romance. That heartwarming love stuff was for romance novels. Avery’s life consisted of the heavy drama, lies and sex she had to dream up so that the viewers could get their dose on every Wednesday at eight o’clock. Yeah, no. She’d keep it to herself.
A tingling in her arm had her shaking it furiously in the air. She stood abruptly and swayed on her feet. When she took a step, a wave of dizziness stopped her in her tracks. She gripped the edge of the table.
I can do this, she told herself as she shuffled toward the bedroom. She had to be on her way to Detroit Metropolitan Airport within the hour in order to make the flight to LA.
“Have you thought about the position the school offered?” Jessica asked. “I think it’s a wonderful opportunity.”
“I thought about it, but it’s just not going to work for me.”
The University of Michigan had offered Avery an associate professor position in the Master of Fine Arts in Creative Writing program when she’d arrived that morning. Although the idea was appealing on some level, she had no intention of taking it. With her hectic work schedule and establishing her foundation, it just wasn’t possible to add anything else to her plate. Besides, moving back to Ann Arbor at this stage in her career wasn’t an option for her, especially since her production company was based in Atlanta.
“I can’t take on anything else,” she continued. “Especially since I’m ready to hit ‘play’ on the Avery Montgomery Foundation we talked about.”
The paperwork had already been done and filed to start the nonprofit. But due to deadlines and shooting, Avery hadn’t been able to work on it.
Jess’s eyes lit up with excitement. “That’s wonderful. I’m so excited.”
One of Avery’s bucket list items included a foundation to help young girls fund and survive college. Although Avery had decided to go in a different direction, career-wise, the world needed more women in fields like molecular biology or biophysics. There were so many gifted young girls who wanted to attend college, but sometimes the lack of money—especially the prospect of overwhelming student loan debt—made it impossible for them to follow that dream.
Leaning against the wall, Avery sighed. “I’m going to need your help, Jess. This is huge. I purposely scheduled my vacation here so that I can get this going. I want Ann Arbor to be the home base for this project. When we get back from LA, I’m ready to hit the ground running on this, before shooting starts and I have to go back to Atlanta.”
“But wouldn’t it make sense to just cancel LA, rest a few days before you jump into this? You’ve been running too long and too hard, Avery. You can’t do everything. I worry about you.”
Avery smiled. “Don’t worry. I’ll have time to rest.”
As Avery neared the suite’s bedroom, she felt herself losing her balance. Forging ahead, she reached the threshold of the separate sleeping area and leaned against the door. Sucking in a deep breath, she glanced at her watch.
Jess’s voice was soft in her ear. “I can order you cottage cheese and crackers. Do you want tea?”
Shaking her head, she blinked up at Jessica. Only she couldn’t see her friend’s face. The only thing she saw was Jess’s eye. Panic welled up inside Avery. “Jess?”
“Yes?”
“I can’t see you.” Avery closed her eyes, then opened them again. There it was again. Jessica’s eye. “Seriously. I can’t see you.”
“Avery, that doesn’t make any sense. I’m right in front of you.”
“I know that,” Avery snapped. “Don’t you think I know that? I saw you a minute ago, and now I can’t see you. It’s like... I don’t know. My sight is gone.”
“We need to call the doctor,” Jessica said. “This isn’t normal.”
“Wait.” Avery closed her eyes. “No, I don’t have time to go see a doctor. There’s too much to do.”
“Avery, I think we should call El—”
“Hell, no. No way.”
“He’s on staff. He would know someone who can help?”
Sure, El worked at the university hospital, and so did most of his family of doctors, but she couldn’t see him again so soon. Their little encounter earlier had been painful enough. Hell, it was torture just thinking about him. It was better if she kept her distance.
Elwood was, for all intents and purposes, the love of her life. But she’d chosen to walk away from him. Their breakup had played out in such a way that had made him think she’d chosen her burgeoning writing career and the prospect of fame over him. Well, that’s essentially what he’d accused her of in the months after they split up. He had no idea that leaving him behind was the hardest decision she’d ever made, and being around him again would only open that wound.
El didn’t know the real reason she’d left him. He didn’t know that his brother, Dr. Lawrence Jackson, had played on her insecurities and she’d let him. She’d allowed another person to get into her head, to convince her that she wasn’t good enough, cultured enough, for El. In the end, she’d walked away from her heart because she’d actually believed it, and that was the greatest tragedy of all.
Finally opening her eyes again, she was mortified to find that she still couldn’t see more than Jess’s eye, but she kept her mouth shut. If she told her best friend, there was no way she’d be able to talk Jess out of calling 911.
The room swirled around her, and she let out a slow, shaky breath. “Jess?”
Then everything went black.
Chapter 2 (#ub7cd4e72-b174-5979-bf81-d6fe6b02046d)
Elwood wasn’t a glutton for punishment. Usually he didn’t willingly put himself in harm’s way or make rash decisions that would affect his emotional wellbeing. He was a paid therapist, a medical doctor of psychiatry. It was his job to see to the mental welfare of his patients, to help them stabilize their symptoms. But this time...he’d purposefully done something that would no doubt interrupt his sleep for the next few days.
El jumped up and paced the confines of his office. Going to the Power Center just to get a glimpse of Avery had been the wrong move. He’d known it when he used a break in his schedule to leave the hospital, to walk the short distance to the campus auditorium. Along the way, he’d reasoned with himself on the whys. Why did he feel the need to see her? Why would this time be any different from their last encounter? Why couldn’t he get over her?
That last question had almost made him turn around in his tracks and abort the mission. Yet he’d kept going, using the nice weather as an excuse to propel himself forward. When he’d arrived—late—Avery was at the end of her speech. She’d obviously done a fabulous job as the standing-room-only auditorium was full of people laughing and crying and clapping.
When she’d faltered on stage, he’d known immediately that his entrance hadn’t been as subtle as he’d hoped. How she’d seen him in the sea of faces was beyond him, but he’d figured it was just the way it had always been. Like moths to a flame, when one of them was near the other, there was no way to stop the pull.
What he hadn’t planned on was his need to confront her. Well, confront was the wrong word. He needed to see for himself if she was still as beautiful as he’d remembered, if she still smelled like jasmine and orchids. Up close and personal, she was as breathtaking as a sunset over white beach sand with her topaz eyes, smooth mocha skin and pouty lips. Her signature flowing mane had been trimmed into a chin-length bob, but it was still the color of molasses. If he’d dared to step closer, he knew she’d fit right in the nook of his arms, snugly under his chin.
El knew that if he closed his eyes right then, he’d see her, hear her soft voice and feel her lips against his. It was his most vivid fantasy, almost as if she’d set up permanent residence in his thoughts and dreams. It didn’t matter who he was with—and he’d made it a full-time job to get over her—she was the woman he longed for.
Thoughts like those often gave him pause when he thought of Avery. She was goal-oriented, driven to the point of madness at times. But then she could be sweet, docile even. It had been those times—when she was only his, when there was no pressure from the world she’d created in her head or the demands of her career—that made him love her even more.
The knock on his office door jolted El out of his head, for which he was grateful. Enough of the Avery haze.
His administrative assistant, Sophie, poked her head into his office. “Dr. Jackson, you have a visitor.”
Elwood nodded. “Who is it?”
“It’s me, Unc,” Drake said, pushing past Sophie. “I’ve been trying to call you all day. Let’s grab dinner.”
Ignoring his nephew, El smiled at Sophie. “Thanks, Sophie. You can leave for the day. Thanks for staying late.”
Sophie gave him a quick summary of his early morning schedule the next day, reminded him that she had a doctor’s appointment in the morning and would be late, then excused herself.
“I need a Sophie for my office,” Drake admitted, taking a seat on the couch intended for El’s patients. “What are you thinking for dinner?”
El leaned back in his chair and stared at his not-that-much-younger nephew. He hated when Drake called him Unc. At age thirty-five, El was only a few years older than Drake. They were more like brothers, than uncle and nephew.
“Do you always think about food?” El asked. “The only reason you’re here is because Love is out of town.” Drake’s wife, Dr. Lovely Grace Washington-Jackson, had been gone for a week and El had been forced to entertain his nephew every night. Even if he’d had a woman waiting in the wings, his nephew had made player hating his modus operandi for the week. “Maybe you need to take a cooking class so that you can make your own dinner when your wife is not available.”
“Hey, you need some laughter in your life,” Drake countered. “If it weren’t for me, you’d be sitting here at the hospital every night, charting and listening to yourself talk into that damn recorder.”
Drake had been insisting that El go out with Love’s cousin Lana. The sneaky matchmaking couple had blatantly set up numerous dinners under the guise of fake celebrations, like Love almost being pregnant or Drake successfully operating on a patient. Not that he didn’t hope Love would realize her dream of being a mother or that he wasn’t proud of his nephew’s impressive surgical record. But every single thing that happened didn’t need to be celebrated with dinner and drinks at a high-brow restaurant downtown.
“You don’t know my life, Drake. And I’d appreciate it if you didn’t act like you did.”
Drake shrugged. “I’m just sayin’. If I don’t tell you the truth, who will?”
“How about you concentrate on your life with your beautiful wife. Leave my business to me.”
It was no use telling Drake to mind his own business. He’d learned early on that he had no private business growing up in a house with the younger Jacksons.
Drake was the eldest son of El’s brother, the incomparable plastic surgeon Dr. Lawrence Jackson. Behind Drake were the twins, Ian and Myles. His sweet niece, Melanie, came later.
When El was five years old, Lawrence took him in and raised him along with his own children. Lawrence was twenty-one years older, and El was the “oopsie” baby, an unplanned inconvenience to his parents, who’d preferred to hire nannies than spend quality time with him.
Before his brother rescued him, El’s childhood had been cold, a web of loneliness and despair. His mother and father had barely spared him a glance, and when they did it was to tell him that he was a mistake they didn’t want.
Once El left his parents’ home, he’d never looked back or even communicated with them again. He couldn’t even bring himself to attend their funerals. As far as he was concerned, they didn’t deserve to be anyone’s parents.
Most often, his brother wasn’t known for his kindness, but that one decision had changed El’s life for the better. And despite Lawrence’s many flaws, inherited from their parents, El would always be grateful to his brother for stepping in.
El met Drake’s intent gaze. “What?” he asked.
Drake assessed him, a frown deepening on his brow. “You went to the Power Center, didn’t you?”
El stood up. “Are you ready to go? Thai?”
Drake stood, but made no move toward the door. “You did. You went to see Avery at the Black Celebratory.”
El closed his laptop and shoved it into his bag. As if Drake wasn’t standing there watching his every move, he continued to pack up his belongings. He’d finish working at home.
“How did she look?” Drake asked.
When he met his nephew’s gaze, he couldn’t ignore the gleam in Drake’s eyes. “Damn good,” he admitted finally. “She was still Avery.”
Drake barked out a laugh. “I knew you wouldn’t be able to resist. I always told you that you let her go too easily, but you’re too damn stubborn to admit it.”
“I thought I was the psychiatrist in the family. You stick to cardiothoracic surgery, and stop trying to figure me out.”
“Did you talk to her?”
El zipped up his messenger bag. “I did.”
“Well?” Drake asked after a few seconds.
“Well, nothing. She is still Avery, busy and about her business.”
The sarcasm in his words wasn’t lost on his nephew, who folded his arms across his chest and planted himself on the arm of a chair.
“Drake, I don’t want to talk about her,” El persisted. “I went to see her. We had words. I left. Nothing more, nothing less. Let’s go.”
Except, El knew there was more to that visit than he’d let on to Drake.
“How long will she be here?” Drake stood up and walked toward the door. “I want to see her.”
“I have no idea.” They left his office and headed toward the elevators. “I had to use the emergency room valet when I came back.” El had been called back to the hospital earlier when one of his patients attempted suicide, and had never gotten a chance to move his car.
They fell into step beside each other as they walked to the Emergency Department parking lot.
A few people breezed past them as they neared the doors. El noted the crowd in the waiting room.
“Are those photographers?” Drake asked, pointing toward the glass doors at the entrance.
El frowned. Photographers in the ER were a rare occurrence, and he wondered what had happened. He caught a glimpse of the same guard he’d seen earlier with Avery as the burly man stormed into the triage area.
When he saw a distraught Jessica run in next, his heart fell. Because on the gurney behind Jess was Avery.
Drake jumped into action first, calling Avery’s name as he met the paramedics. Shock, fear and concern shot through El at the sight of an unconscious Avery. The paramedics yelled out commands, while Drake barked out a few of his own.
“El?” Drake barked. “Snap out of it.”
El peered down at Avery, then at Jess. “What happened?” he shouted.
Jess was barely holding on. Her eyes were swollen and red, and pieces of tissue were stuck to her cheek. “She...” she croaked, swallowing visibly. “I knew she didn’t feel well. I told her to rest, but she wouldn’t. El, what if she dies?”
El grabbed Jess’s shoulders and squeezed gently. “She won’t die, but I need you to tell me what happened.”
El prided himself on being able to hear two conversations at once. It often came in handy in his line of work. He was able to talk to Jess and hear the symptoms being thrown out by the medical personnel working on Avery. Vision changes and high blood pressure. Jess continued her explanation, telling El about Avery’s behavior after the graduation. Severe headache. The other woman explained that Avery told her she couldn’t see her. Possible stroke.
Possible stroke? He turned to Drake. “What?” he asked.
Drake lowered his head. “It sounds like it.”
Before El could ask anything else, emergency room staff were there, pulling Avery behind the frosted glass. Drake was right behind them, dialing furiously on his phone.
Jess tried to push her way through, but El held her back. “Jess, you can’t go back there.”
“But she needs me,” Jess yelled, panic in her voice. “I can’t leave her alone.”
“She’ll be fine. Let the doctors do their job.”
El couldn’t believe how easily the words came out. Sure, he’d practiced them thousands of times in medical school. When there was nothing else left to say, encourage the family to let the doctors do their job. Only this wasn’t a random patient; it was Avery, the only woman he’d ever loved. And she was fighting for her life.
Hours later, an ER doctor pulled some strings and El and Jess were allowed in the room while the doctors worked on Avery. Drake had been called away for an emergency, but had been checking in periodically.
It was surreal to see his colleagues, some of his friends, working on Avery. Many of them had attended college with them, had known her before she was the Avery Montgomery who had a hit television show on network television. Of course, they were professional, but occasionally one of them would shoot him a sad glance. A few would give him updates as they worked.
Avery Montgomery was high profile, and the hospital had taken steps to secure the facility so that they could save her life without interruptions. Only a few people were allowed on the hidden floor where they’d taken her. It hadn’t stopped the phone from ringing. Jess had two, and had been frantically barking orders over the lines. Each call had seemed to fray Jess’s nerves even more, and he’d finally convinced her to hand over the devices to him.
El had managed to get Jess to settle down, but every few minutes she would break down in a fit of tears. This time Jess was bent over, shaking, as a sob broke through the activity in the room.
He rubbed her back. “Jess, she’s going to beat this.”
His words were meant to soothe Jess, calm her. But they weren’t just for her benefit. They were for his, as well.
She peered up at him and offered him a watery smile. “What if she doesn’t?”
“Don’t say that,” he snapped, before he was able to catch himself.
“I told her to cancel the trip to LA, to rest. She just didn’t look good. I know her, had a feeling she’d forgotten to eat.”
El chuckled. “I remember. That woman never took care of herself. I had to make her drink a protein shake or eat an apple when she was working in the lab.”
Jessica shook her head. “When she came back from the graduation she was distracted, but I could tell she was battling something.”
El couldn’t help the guilt that crept in at Jessica’s admission.
“I told her to lie down before we went to the airport,” she continued. “El, watching my best friend collapse into a seizure was the worst thing I’ve ever witnessed.”
He was at a loss for words. El knew that was saying a lot for Jess, considering her husband had died a few years earlier.
Shaking her head, Jess finished her bottled water. “It was awful. And I feel so bad that I didn’t believe her at first. I thought she was joking.”
“Don’t do that to yourself. You couldn’t have known.”
The doctors had told him and Jess that Avery had a stroke that affected her vision and caused her to lose her sight earlier when she was with Jess. According to the attending physician, surgery wasn’t needed, which was a relief to El. Yet there was no way to tell if the damage was permanent at that point, since Avery was still unconscious. El could only pray that it wasn’t, because if Avery lost her sight forever, it would destroy her.
Chapter 3 (#ub7cd4e72-b174-5979-bf81-d6fe6b02046d)
Where am I? Avery heard voices, but they weren’t familiar. They were detached, stiff. Doctors? She tried to open her eyes, tried to speak, but the words wouldn’t come. She tried to open her eyes, but darkness surrounded her.
“Avery?” Jess’s voice in her ear immediately calmed her.
“Jess,” Avery muttered with a cough.
“I’m here,” her friend said. “You’re at the University hospital. You had us worried sick.”
Why?
Avery remembered the graduation, being face-to-face with El and the hotel room. When she felt the flutter of her lashes on her cheeks as she blinked, she realized that her eyes had been open, but she couldn’t see.
Fear welled up inside her as she tried to hone in on the sounds and sensations around her—the shrill beeping of machines, the suction of the blood pressure cuff on her arm, the foul, dry taste in her mouth, the medicinal hospital smell. Four of her senses were working, but the one she relied on the most, the one she needed to earn her bread and butter, had failed her.
Closing her eyes, she let a whimper escape and the tears followed shortly after. The muscles in her legs tightened, and the urge to flee took over. But she couldn’t move.
Avery felt Jess’s hand rubbing her arm, and she reached out to hold on to it with her other hand. Squeezing tightly, she said, “Please tell me this isn’t permanent. What’s wrong with me?”
Her voice sounded desperate to her own ears and she wondered who was in the room with her. She had to assume there were people she knew in the room with her, people with whom she’d attended medical school, but she still hadn’t recognized any of the voices.
“Calm down, hun,” Jess whispered. “Your blood pressure is spiking again.”
Avery gasped, expelling a ragged breath. It hurt to breathe. It hurt to think. “Blood pressure. Why?”
“You had a stroke. The doctors think it was caused by high blood pressure brought on by continued stress. The scans indicate you have blood on the brain.”
Avery knew what that meant. Years of studying to become a doctor hadn’t left her. Vision changes brought on by a stroke were hard to overcome. The likelihood of regaining her sight was low, rare. Squeezing her eyes closed, she couldn’t hold it back any longer. She sobbed openly, screamed loudly, drowning out everything around her. It was an uncontrollable, ugly cry. In that moment, she didn’t care who heard her. Nothing mattered, not appearances, not her pride.
Jess held her, rubbed her back and murmured words of encouragement in her ear. “Oh, hun, I’m here. I won’t leave. You can depend on me.”
“What am I going to do?” Avery cried. “How am I—?” She choked as the tears continued to flow.
“Avery?”
Avery froze. Turning her head to his voice, she called his name. “El?”
“Yes,” he said. His calm voice soothed like balm to an open wound.
“You’re here?” It wasn’t a question. Well, at least, she hadn’t intended it to be.
She reached out and within a few seconds she felt the stubble on his chin. She inhaled the lingering scent of his cologne, let the notes of sage, lavender and mandarin ease her mind. Her fingers traced the outline of his forehead, felt the frown lines on his forehead. She brushed the line of his nose and ran her thumb over his full lips.
She smelled the hazelnut on his breath, felt it against her cheek as he leaned in.
“You’re okay,” he told her. “You’re going to be just fine.”
Her first response to his words was to nod in agreement. Because, for some reason, she believed him. Logically, she knew the odds, but El had a way of making her believe almost anything.
The press of his forehead against her temple made her turn her head toward him. She needed a deeper connection to him in that moment. The tips of his fingers brushed the outline of her ear and she savored the touch.
The tenderness he showed her, despite everything she’d put him through, was enough to make her belly ache with yearning. He’d known what she needed right then. He always knew how to take the pain away, if only for a brief moment. When the warmth of his mouth pressed against her forehead, she held her breath and let the flutter in her stomach take over.
His proximity, his presence, was what she needed to handle the shock of her trauma. Vaguely she felt moisture drizzle down the arm Jess was holding. Her poor friend was probably a nervous wreck. Avery had to be strong. She had to figure out her next steps.
“I need answers,” Avery said, sucking in all of her emotions. Her question wasn’t directed to anyone specific, though. She sensed the quiet presence of many people in the room and she wanted to know the extent of the damage.
“It was a hemorrhagic stroke that accompanied the onset of hypertensive encephalopathy. Your body couldn’t take the sudden increase in your blood pressure,” a strange voice explained. She assumed it was a doctor. “Ms. Montgomery, my name is Dr. Thorne. I’m the neuro-ophthalmologist assigned to your case. I’ve been briefed on your history and your knowledge of medicine, so I’ll be candid. As you know, it’s too soon to ascertain if your sight will return. But based on the latest scans, there is a good chance it will.”
Avery closed her eyes and said a silent prayer to God for healing.
“Avery?” El called. “We’re all here to help. There is more testing to be done, but I’m going to need you to hold it together. We can’t afford another spike in your blood pressure right now. I know you’re scared, but try to relax and let them do their work.”
El then introduced her to every other physician in the room. Some she knew and some she didn’t. He must’ve informed them all of her background, because they spoke to her in a language only used among one of their own. Once she’d received the updates, she opened her eyes.
It wasn’t a dream. She still couldn’t see a damn thing. She darted her eyes back and forth, hoping something would give. No faces, nothing—until the glint of metal flashed into her view. It was small, but she immediately knew what it was. It was the metal on El’s watch—the watch she’d given him.
A tear slid down her cheek, and it startled her because she hadn’t realized she was crying again. She felt the pad of El’s thumb sweep across her face, then felt a soft tissue against her skin. Her emotions were all over the place but she knew she couldn’t afford to let them get the best of her. She needed to get through this so she could go back to her life. As soon as possible.
Later, after countless scans, multiple blood draws and too many neurological exams, Avery was over it. Everything in her wanted to blow up, yell at everyone within earshot. She’d done just that a little over an hour ago, taking no prisoners, and she didn’t even care if she’d hurt feelings.
Avery shook her head, lifting her chin high in the air. As she grew more restless, she felt her muscles quiver and her pulse speed up. Heat flushed through her body, straight to her toes. The despair she’d felt when she woke up surrounded by doctors, the slight hope she’d felt earlier when El was in the room, had been eclipsed by the fear she’d tried to trick away. And when Avery was scared, she became angry and irritable. Seeing the glint of El’s watch had been an isolated incident, a fluke, because the darkness seemed never ending. She’d yet to see anything, not even a flash of light.
She was too young, too busy, too smart for this. It wasn’t rocket science. She’d read all the textbooks, studied the medicine in school. She worked out regularly, ate healthy foods—when she remembered to eat. What the hell?
As the cuff on her arm tightened uncomfortably, she squirmed in the bed. If she’d been able to see, she would have been out of there with “the quickness,” as they used to say back in the day. A nurse announced her vital signs and gave her a few pills. She didn’t ask what pills they were. She didn’t even care. She just wanted to feel better.
Her life wasn’t going to stop because she’d had a stroke. Who has a stroke at thirty-two years of age anyway? The network was probably calling, wondering why she wasn’t in LA, wondering where her script edits were for the second season premiere.
“Getting angry isn’t going to help.”
Avery jumped at the sound of El’s voice, coming from the far left of the room. What was he doing there? She’d asked to be alone, even sent the reluctant Jess home to get rest. “Why are you here?” she growled. “Get out!”
She heard the click of his heels against the floor, but instead of heading toward the door, the steps grew closer to the bed. Then there was nothing. He was still there, though—watching her, assessing her like he undoubtedly did with his patients.
“What do you want from me?” she demanded. “We’re not together anymore. That was my choice for a reason. You don’t have to be here, and I don’t want you here.”
It was the first time she’d felt glad she couldn’t see his face. Her words had to have stung, and she didn’t want to see the evidence of that truth in his eyes. Most of all, she didn’t want him to see her like this, wounded and angry. Because for all of her bravado earlier, for all of her positive thoughts about her life not stopping because of this new development, she was a wrecking ball of emotion. She’d made a good living using her eyes, and knowing that there was a chance she’d never be able to see again ripped her to shreds. The only thing she wanted in that moment was to be alone so that no one could see her torment.
“You don’t have to pretend to care, El,” she added. “You made it perfectly clear at the auditorium that you still harbor resentment toward me for following my dreams instead of attaching myself to your coattails.”
When he didn’t respond or even make a sound of acknowledgment, she let out a shaky breath and tried to burrow her body into the bed.
“Please, go,” she pleaded, her chin trembling. “I’m fine here.”
“You really get on my nerves,” he said finally, with a chuckle. “Your damn mouth always got you into trouble.”
Avery’s mouth fell open, then closed again. She couldn’t even respond to that because she knew it to be true. Even as a child, it had kept her in trouble with her parents. Strong willed, stubborn, whatever you wanted to call it. She was the reason her mother went gray at forty-five.
“I knew the anger would come, Avery,” he said. “It always does when you’re scared. I just wanted to be here when you let it take over, to make sure you got it out and let it go.”
I hate you.
“I’m sure you do,” he countered, to her horror. She hadn’t meant to say it out loud.
Avery apologized. “I didn’t mean it.”
“Yes, you did. In this moment, you probably do hate me. What you said was the absolute truth. I do resent you for leaving the way you did.” His confession took her by surprise, but she did her best to not show it. “But you’re not going to get better if you keep stressing the way you do. Do you not understand that your blood pressure was so high it caused a neurological crisis in your body? All work, all day, will make Avery a dead woman.”
His blunt truth felt like a fist around her heart. El had always told her to slow down, to appreciate life. He’d warned her that her goals were great, but there was only so much she could do in a day. And she hadn’t listened. Case in point, she’d been going nonstop for weeks, appearing on late-night television, flying from coast to coast for meetings, answering every single phone call, writing until her fingers cramped up.
She didn’t expect him to understand, either. He’d never had to worry about anything. His life was golden, charmed. Born to one of the richest families in Ann Arbor brought automatic approval from the community. Avery had to work for everything she’d ever received. Her parents weren’t wealthy. Both of them had worked, from dusk until dawn to make ends meet, to support her.
“No, we aren’t a couple anymore,” he continued. “But we were friends long before I ever kissed you. As your friend, I need you to get it together You’ve had your angry moment. Don’t let it consume you or distract you from the ultimate goal.”
Avery rolled her eyes and cursed the traitorous tears that escaped. “And what would that goal be?” The sarcasm dripping from her words was intended to be noticeable.
“Rest. Let your body heal and pray your vision comes back sooner rather than later. Then get the hell out of town. That simple.”
“Avery?” Jess said. “Are you okay? El, what happened?”
“Nothing,” she heard him say. “I’m going to go. Make sure she stays calm. I’ll check in on her later.”
His soft, sure steps echoed in the room as he walked toward the door.
“El,” she called.
“What, Avery?” He was annoyed. She could always tell when he wanted to throttle her by the way he said her name, each syllable pronounced with curt precision.
“Never mind. ’Bye.”
He didn’t respond. Instead, she heard the door shut softly and wished she’d kept her big mouth shut for once.
Chapter 4 (#ub7cd4e72-b174-5979-bf81-d6fe6b02046d)
Avery hated ducks. One of her very first memories was a trip to Disney World with her parents. She had to have been around three years old, but she remembered it like it was yesterday. The Disney characters walking around waving at her, the smell of popcorn, the large rides. She also remembered the moment when she saw Cinderella. The huge castle and the prince meant nothing to her. The entire trip led up to the moment she saw her favorite Disney princess wave at her from the balcony of the castle. It had been the best moment of her life.
Then her world had come crashing down, when not even a day later she was chased by a flock of mallard ducks. The memory was so vivid, she often got chills thinking about it. She’d still been on cloud nine after seeing Cinderella and she was at a pond on the hotel grounds with her cousins. She’d seen the ducks, and thought they were pretty and wanted to play with them because... Donald Duck was fun. Right?
Unfortunately, her plans didn’t turn out quite like she’d wanted and the cute little birds had turned into ugly little terrors when they’d attacked, chasing her all the way back to the safe arms of her father. Growing up, she’d had many fears—pigeons because they pooped everywhere, bees because they stung, tornadoes because they were big. All of those fears went away, but ducks...she was still scared as hell of the things. She’d never known a fear quite like it until now.
Lying there in the hospital bed, with no sight and no idea who was with her, was scary. But Avery Montgomery wasn’t supposed to be afraid of anything. She’d conquered Hollywood, people wanted her at their parties, network executives invited her to their homes and treated her to dinner and drinks at exclusive, five-star restaurants. Before she boarded the plane to Detroit, she’d received notification that her show was up for a Black Entertainment Television, or BET, award. And to top off her extraordinary week, her bosses submitted The Preserves for Prime Time Emmy consideration for Best Dramatic Television Series.
Avery should have been on cloud nine, celebrating her accomplishments with wine, glitz and glamour, but instead she was stuck in a hospital bed. In Ann Arbor. With no vision. In hindsight, she should have known better than to get excited because, without fail, something always happened to douse her dreams with gasoline and light them with a match. It had happened with the ducks when she was a kid; it had happened today when she’d stroked out.
Swallowing, Avery tried not to cry again. But when she felt the wetness drizzle down her cheek, she accepted that she’d lost that battle.
“I’m scared,” she murmured to anyone and no one.
“I know.”
It was Jess. It was always Jess. And Avery was grateful because she had someone by her side. “Thank you for being here.”
She heard light footsteps approach the bed and instinctively turned toward them. The good news was that she wasn’t completely in the dark. She registered light and could vaguely make out a shadow standing to her left where Jess’s voice came from.
“I wouldn’t go anywhere, Avery. You have to know that.”
Jess was crying. Or had been crying. Avery couldn’t see her face, but the soft whisper and tremble in her friend’s voice told her so. “Do I look bad? Like, if you didn’t know I was blind, could you tell?”
Avery felt the cool tips of Jess’s fingers as they laced with hers. Squeezing her hand, Jess told her, “You look beautiful, girlfriend.” Jess smoothed a hand down the back of her head. “There. Now your hair is right back in place. I wouldn’t be able to tell.”
“I hurt El.” Avery didn’t want to imagine El’s face when she’d treated him so horribly earlier. He’d been there to help her, to support her, and she’d told him she hated him. It couldn’t be further from the truth.
“El knows you,” Jess said. “He’s not hurt.”
How could she know that? El was a master of the poker face. He was paid to not react, but she knew when things affected him, when he was touched by a patient or devastated by an action. She knew when he was angry. She didn’t have to see him to know that he’d been pissed when he left her. After all, he hadn’t been back. Granted, it hadn’t been long. As far as she could tell, it had only been a few hours since he’d walked out. But it was a few hours too long when she needed him.
“I didn’t mean it,” Avery said. “I was just frustrated.”
El had seen her at her best and at her worst. But she’d tried to never take her irritation with the people in her world out on him. He was too good for that. He’d only ever treated her with respect. He deserved more from her than her wrath.
Drawing her bottom lip between her teeth, she shrugged. No sense in worrying about it. He was gone, and it was just her and Jess. “What am I going to do, Jess?”
“You’re going to fight, Avery. This is temporary.”
“You don’t know that, Jess. I’ve studied medicine. The doctors don’t know. There’s no way to know. The longer I’m without sight, the...” Avery couldn’t finish the thought. Truth was, most people who lose their vision after a stroke didn’t fully regain their sight. Sure, she knew that some stroke survivors did experience some recovery but there was no way to tell if she’d be one of those patients. “What the hell am I going to do?”
Jess sighed. “We’re going to do everything we can. Call in specialists, go to OT. There are certain surgeries that can...we can do whatever has to be done.”
Avery turned away from the hopefulness in her friend’s voice. Closing her eyes, she finally let the sob that had been threatening to break free pierce the air. “I’m a writer. If I wasn’t a writer, I’d be a molecular freakin’ biologist or a doctor. All require vision. How am I supposed to turn in my scripts? How can I even do the legwork for my foundation? I can’t drive, Luke isn’t here and you have a job. Tell me how this is going to work, Jess.”
The tears were coming faster now. She felt them drizzle down her face to her ears. Even if she wanted to stop crying, she wasn’t sure she’d be able to. The sound that tore from her throat was more of a wail, almost as if someone was physically hurting her. Only there was no tactile pain. Everything she felt, the inner turmoil racking her body, was like someone taking a fist and squeezing the life out of her heart. Everything that she’d worked for was on the verge of going up in smoke.
Then Avery felt warmth as Jess wrapped her arms around her and held on tightly, rocking her back and forth, whispering broken words of comfort through her own tears. “Avery, it’s going to be alright. I’ve already talked to my boss. He has granted me additional leave time to stay with you. You’re going to be okay. You have to believe that.”
Avery didn’t have to believe anything. She just wanted to. Jess was the positive one. That positivity had remained even after the death of her husband, her first love. “Jess, I wish I had some of your positivity. But I know science. I know medicine. I breathed both for years. I know cell processes and codes. And I know how to write one hell of a cliffhanger.”
What she didn’t know was how to maintain her public persona, keep her job and do it without the world knowing she couldn’t see.
“You know the story, Avery. You don’t have to see to tell it. I’ll help you.”
The dread in the pit of her stomach prevented her from smiling, even as her heart welled with love for her bestie. “I know, Jess. You always help me. But you won’t be able to do that if you don’t get some rest. I thought I told you to go get some rest.”
It had to be late, or early the next morning. Hours had passed since the Black Celebratory. And Jess obviously hadn’t listened to her when she’d told her to leave.
“And I already told you I’m not leaving you here,” Jess countered.
Avery shook her head. “Have you reached my parents?”
“No, not yet. You know your parents don’t know how to work the wi-fi. With them being on the ship, I’m betting we won’t hear from them until they dock in Seattle.”
“It’s just as well. Let them enjoy their vacation.”
Even though Avery loved her parents dearly and they doted on her, there was really nothing they could do for her. She wanted them to enjoy their anniversary trip, an eleven-day Alaskan cruise. Being married for thirty-five years was nothing to scoff at, and she’d been glad to be able to send them on their dream trip. To see them still in love with each other after all that time warmed Avery’s heart.
Phillip and Janice Montgomery had Avery late in life. Neither thought they’d find love again after disastrous first marriages, but they had. They’d married, expecting to travel the world but...surprise! Avery had been the unexpected wrench in their plans. Yet they’d never made her feel unwanted. So she’d made it her mission to give them everything they wanted. That’s why she’d paid off their mortgage before she even bought herself a home. That’s why she’d always take care of them. Two months ago, her father celebrated his seventy-fifth birthday and her mother would turn seventy-one in October. It was high time for them to enjoy life.
“I’ll keep trying,” Jess said. “And I’ll make sure they get here. Don’t worry.”
Avery had finally convinced her parents to move to Atlanta with her a year ago. Her older siblings were useless and failed to even call their father to check on him. She felt better with her mother and father near her. Of course, they’d insisted on keeping their house in Ann Arbor for when they came back to visit friends.
“Why don’t you go home and sleep in a real bed, Jess?” Avery knew it would be like pulling teeth to get her to leave, but she couldn’t worry about her friend getting sick on top of everything else. Jess suffered from fibromyalgia and needed her sleep. “I don’t want you having a flare-up.”
“Avery, I’m fine. So stop telling me to leave because I’m not going anywhere.” Avery opened her mouth to respond, but Jess added, “I will go grab myself a snack, though, and a cup of coffee. Why don’t you try to get some sleep?”
Nodding, Avery burrowed into the bubble mattress. She felt the compression socks on her legs inflate slowly, heard the beep of the machines echoing in the room and wondered how she was supposed to rest. But she wouldn’t argue with Jess.
Jess let out an audible sigh, but seconds later Avery heard the door close. Now alone, Avery swiped an errant tear that escaped and prayed that sleep would come.
* * *
When El was a kid, he’d made it a point to stay out of trouble. But it hadn’t been because he didn’t want to take risks, do things that would possibly land him in a heap of trouble. No, it was because he’d never wanted to rock the boat. He had this incessant need to stay under the radar.
One of the first things he’d learned as an adult, and through his own experience with therapy, was that his need to be invisible was a protection mechanism. It was brought on by his very real fear of being sent back to his parents. He’d lived with Lawrence for two years before he emptied his suitcase. He’d always kept a full suitcase under his bed. Even at five and six years of age.
There was still a part of him that never really felt comfortable in his surroundings, a part of him that never believed he was good enough to love. But that had all changed on a rainy day in April of 2006, the day he met Avery on campus.
El was late and hungry. Unfortunately, the hunger pangs won and he found himself rushing through the Michigan Union toward the Subway restaurant in the MUG. The MUG was the underground food court in the building that housed several restaurants.
As he neared the restaurant, he groaned at the line, but stood at the end anyway. It was taking longer than usual, but he refused to stand in the even longer line at Wendy’s.
The woman in front of him finally stepped up to the counter and placed her order. “I’d like a steak and cheese sub, extra meat, on Italian bread with extra mayo and no veggies,” he heard her say.
He let his gaze travel over her petite form and wondered how she maintained her lovely figure with extra steak and extra mayo. For a minute, he thought about saying something to her, but decided to refrain because...well, he didn’t know her from Adam.
When the woman slid down the counter, he placed his order. Once at the register, he scowled as the same woman struggled to get exact change from her small wallet.
El muttered a curse and noticed the cashier roll her eyes in frustration. He was tempted to pay for the woman’s meal under the guise of “paying it forward,” but again refrained from speaking.
A moment later, the woman got her money together, paid for her meal and turned around, giving him a sheepish grin. “I’m sorry,” she said. “For holding the line up.”
Elwas speechless. The woman he’d been scowling at was stunning, with her black-rimmed eyeglasses and wavy, natural curls.
His food forgotten, he noted the molecular biology book in her hand. “Who’s your professor?”
With a frown on her face, she asked, “Excuse me?”
El grinned, and pointed to her book. “You’re taking molecular biology? Who’s teaching the class?”
A firm nudge from behind caught him off guard and he practically fell into her. Turning, he glared at the person behind him before paying for his own lunch and grabbing it from the cashier’s waiting hands.
A smile spread across the woman’s face when his gaze met hers again. “Professor Luddington,” she answered.
Today was his lucky day. “I know her. She’s good people.”
“She’s also brutal, but I love the class.”
Intrigued, El smirked. “I don’t think I’ve met anyone who loves molecular biology.”
“Well, hello, I’m Avery Montgomery.” She held out her hand to shake his, and he couldn’t deny the heat that passed between them when their palms touched. “I’m pleased to be the first person you’ve ever met that not only loves molecular biology but plans to graduate at the top of her class with that major.”
As El walked through the halls on the way to his office, he remembered their first date, their first kiss, the first time he’d made love to her. They’d shared a lot of firsts, but most important was that they’d been each other’s first love. It was a love that was pure, intense and real. And the passage of time hadn’t changed the depth of his feelings for her. He loved her, yes. But his anger with her hadn’t diminished, either. That was the problem, because he knew she needed him. How could he help her when he wanted to simultaneously punish her for hurting him and make love to her until all she felt was him?
“El?”
Jarred from his thoughts, he turned to see Jess standing before him, a cup of coffee in her hand.
“You’re back?” Jess asked. “Why didn’t you come in?”
El blinked and glanced back at the door he’d been standing in front of. He hadn’t realized he’d walked to Avery’s room and not his office.
“What’s up, Jess?” He gave her a tight hug. “I would ask why you’re not asleep, but I already know why.”
Jess offered him a weak smile, but no response. El knew Jess recognized his attempt to change the subject and was grateful she hadn’t called him on it.
Looking at the petite woman in front of him, he noted that Jess looked...tired. Her once-bright eyes were dimmed, hollow. “You need to rest,” he told her.
Ducking her head, Jess ran her thumbnail over the rim of her cup. “I know.”
“You won’t be any good to her if you’re lying in a hospital bed right next to her.”
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