The Doctor Returns
Stella MacLean
Nurse Sherri Lawson seems to be the only person not welcoming Dr. Neill Brandon back to Eden Harbour, Maine. She has moved on from their shared past and has the great life to prove it. Yet a part of her has never quite gotten over Neill—or the baby she lost.The baby he didn’t even know about… She can’t imagine a new relationship with Neill, much as she might want it. But it turns out that Neill wants it, too, and he believes they can make it happen.And to Sherri's surprise, so does his daughter, Morgan!
Secrets and second chances
Sherri Lawson seems to be the only person not welcoming Dr. Neill Brandon back to Eden Harbor, Maine. She has moved on from their shared past. Yet a part of her has never quite gotten over Neill—or the baby she lost. The baby he didn’t even know about….
She can’t imagine a new relationship with Neill, much as she might want it. But it turns out that Neill wants it, too, and he believes they can make it happen. And to Sherri’s surprise, so does his daughter, Morgan!
“Sherri, I’d like to see you sometime...”
Neill then added, “Socially, I mean. Dinner perhaps?”
How could Neill possibly think he could make up for the past and what they’d lost by inviting her out to dinner?
Yet his voice, his openness as he looked at her and his uneasy smile—they were all so familiar. Sherri waited to see if he’d rub the back of his neck after running his hands through his hair.
When he did, a rush of feeling—long held hostage by her fear—flooded to the surface. It was as if he’d never been gone. She stepped back in shock and disbelief.
How could he still have this effect on her?
She had to stop herself from reaching for him, for everything his love had once offered her. “Dinner? That’s hardly necessary,” she said over the blood pounding in her ears. She leaned against the wall for support, hoping he didn’t notice her apprehension.
When would she ever be free of these feelings? It had been twelve long years since she’d seen him…since he’d seen her. And still, he held the power to make her want him.
Dear Reader,
Having friends enriches our everyday experiences by encouraging us to be who we are and to share our lives with those who believe in us. Yet finding a true friend means trusting another person to care about us despite our shortcomings.
Neill and Sherri had been best friends in high school, a friendship that over time became a love affair. But loving someone doesn’t guarantee happiness. Sherri and Neill’s love would have been lost forever but for the friendship they’d shared before they fell in love. The memory of how much they’d once trusted each other becomes the starting point from which they’re able to rekindle their love.
The Doctor Returns takes place in Eden Harbor, a fictional town on the coast of Maine, and begins what will be a series of stories about the lives of those who live and love in a place of magnificent beauty and shared family values.
For those of you reading this book, my one wish is that you have been blessed with close friends who have made your world a brighter place.
If you’d like to contact me, I would be delighted to hear from you. My website is www.stellamaclean.com (http://www.stellamaclean.com) and my email address is stella@stellamaclean.com. I can be found on Facebook at www.facebook.com/stella.maclean.3 (http://www.facebook.com/stella.maclean.3) and on Twitter, @Stella__MacLean (https://twitter.com/Stella__MacLean).
Sincerely,
Stella MacLean
The Doctor Returns
Stella MacLean
www.millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk)
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Stella MacLean has spent her life collecting story ideas, waiting for the day someone would want to read about the characters who have lurked in her heart and mind for so many years. Stella’s love of reading and writing began in grade school and has continued to play a major role in her life. A longtime member of Romance Writers of America and a Golden Heart finalist, Stella enjoys the hours she spends tucked away in her office with her Maine coon cat, Emma Jean, and her imaginary friends while writing stories about love, life and happiness.
I dedicate this book to Debbie Macomber, author, mentor and friend.
Acknowledgments
The best books are those carefully encouraged
and skillfully edited by professional editors.
My heartfelt thanks to Paula Eykelhof and Lara Hyde for their guidance and support in bringing The Doctor Returns to readers everywhere.
Contents
Chapter One (#u972d6e28-0177-5b5a-bbf7-bb4dbf79b689)
Chapter Two (#u4a54a5fc-ccda-5b72-85a7-5ac25bb965b9)
Chapter Three (#u78a48438-f869-56d0-9a2e-208391f82f75)
Chapter Four (#u9249ab18-dcdb-5d77-bb78-e26b233bac88)
Chapter Five (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Six (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Seven (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Eight (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Nine (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Ten (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Eleven (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Twelve (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Thirteen (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Fourteen (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Fifteen (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Sixteen (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Seventeen (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Eighteen (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Nineteen (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Twenty (#litres_trial_promo)
Excerpt (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER ONE
JUST ANOTHER FEW steps and he’d be there. “Hang on, sweetie,” Neill Brandon pleaded over the thrashing movements of his little girl’s body. Fear tore through his heart, fear driven by dread that he’d let his daughter down.
His feet thudded against the concrete of the driveway leading to the hospital emergency doors, while his lips moved in silent prayer that this was not the beginning of a reoccurrence of Morgan’s epileptic seizures. That he wasn’t somehow responsible for what was happening to her.
He’d picked Morgan up after school and taken her with him while he checked on a patient at the hospital. They’d been sitting in the car in the doctors’ parking lot when Morgan began arguing with him about being allowed to have a sleepover at her new friend’s house. Morgan’s grandmother approved, so why couldn’t he?
He hadn’t wanted to part with her so soon after their move to Eden Harbor, but his nine-year-old daughter’s plea had turned into a tearful demand just before her body was overcome by the tremors that announced the arrival of a seizure.
The seizure had been milder than the ones she’d had before they’d found a stable dose of medicine for her, and he was thankful for that. He was relieved she’d still had her seat belt on when the seizure began, which made it easier to control her shaking.
He hugged her closer, feeling her body yield to his anxious embrace as he ran the last few steps to the entrance of Eagle Mountain Hospital. The doors slid apart, and a warm flood of air welcomed him as he charged across the yawning space toward the doors to the emergency room. As if her body knew they had reached safety, Morgan relaxed into his arms; her head lolled against his shoulder, her breath sweet against his neck.
“My daughter’s an epileptic and she’s having a seizure. Get Dr. Fennell,” he ordered, barely glancing at the nurse who appeared before him.
“Certainly,” the nurse said, keying in the page on the phone hanging on the wall at the head of a bank of four unoccupied stretchers. Neill laid Morgan on the nearest one.
He couldn’t take his eyes off his daughter and her endearing face, her high cheekbones hinting of beauty to come, so like her mother’s. Her auburn hair clinging to her cheeks reminded him of the many times he’d sat with her in the early morning before school, forcing the mass of curls into what Morgan called a bun.
“Dr. Fennell’s on his way,” the nurse said, her voice soothing as she moved to the other side of the stretcher. “Your daughter’s lovely, Dr. Brandon.”
Neill anxiously watched Morgan, waiting for her eyes to flutter open. “Yes, she is lovely.” A gift life had given him—his taste of redemption.
Dr. Fennell strode into the room, his lab coat flapping around him. “Neill, what’s going on?”
Neill explained to Mike what had happened and how long the seizure had lasted, all the while vaguely aware of the nurse standing across the stretcher from him as she checked Morgan’s vital signs. Although he’d trained himself to remain in control, to be calm, the struggle to steady his breathing and to keep his hands from trembling where they held Morgan’s was difficult. His medical training told him his response was normal, but normal no longer mattered. All he wanted was to gather Morgan in his arms and promise her it would never happen again—a promise he couldn’t guarantee he could keep. No one could. But it didn’t stop the impulsive need to protect and care for her in whatever way possible. Her illness had made him understand why doctors didn’t treat their own family members, except in dire emergencies. Emotions could so easily cloud judgment.
He answered the doctor’s questions as clearly as possible as he struggled to figure out what could have caused this sudden recurrence. “No, Morgan hasn’t had a seizure in over two years,” he said in response to Dr. Fennell’s final question.
“I’ll get an MRI ordered, check her blood work and, to be on the safe side, I’ll admit her for a few days. We’ll know more after that. Do you have her medical record from Boston?”
Those months of testing five years ago had been the worst of his life. As a doctor, he knew the ominous possibilities related to seizures, and it was almost a relief to get the diagnosis of epilepsy. She had a good chance of outgrowing her condition, or so he’d believed until now. “Yes. I’ll get it for you. It’s at the house.”
“Great. In the meantime, I’ll make arrangements for her admission and talk to you once we’ve got the MRI results.”
What had gone wrong? Had the move been too much for Morgan? In his eagerness to move back home and take over his uncle Nicolas’s medical practice, he hadn’t considered that it might trigger a seizure in his daughter. How could he have overlooked the possibility?
With his ex-wife’s parents both deceased, he’d hoped that the move would give Morgan a sense of family and a community that provided a safe environment. With his mother’s support and encouragement, he’d bought a house, a house he’d admired when he was growing up in Eden Harbor. To make Morgan’s transition easier, he’d painted her bedroom her favorite shade of pink, partly in appreciation of her upbeat approach to the move and partly just to see her smile. His daughter had maintained her sunny disposition and her enthusiasm throughout the move, much to his relief. But had Morgan been more stressed about the move than he’d realized? Willing his daughter to open her eyes, he squeezed her hand.
He heard Mike Fennell offer instructions to the nurse, and a part of his mind registered the fact that they seemed perfectly typical of what should be ordered. Even under the stress of the situation, he couldn’t stop himself from paying close attention to every detail. He had been that way all his life—a trait that had driven his ex-wife to distraction.
That reminded him; he’d call Lilly as soon as Morgan was settled in her room. Although his ex-wife lived in Houston, she’d probably be there on the earliest possible flight.
The nurse gently placed a warm blanket around Morgan’s body.
As she tucked the blanket around Morgan’s shoulders, her hand brushed his. His gaze moved to her in response. Her wide, hazel-green eyes held a strange uncertainty under the harsh fluorescent lighting. As they stood across from each other, her expression went from one of warmth and concern to one of wariness.
“Neill, I’m sorry this happened,” the nurse said.
Noting the beautiful mane of sun-streaked hair, the way her uniform fit her curves, he struggled to remember who she might be. Something about her was so familiar.... Her gaze was so intent. Had he met her before? He’d met so many people in the two weeks since he’d moved back, faces he couldn’t always put a name to. But he hadn’t been back for years, and so many of the people were only vaguely recognizable. “Forgive me, you look really familiar....”
The tentative smile faded from her lips and her expression changed. An emotion he couldn’t identify flickered on her face and then disappeared. She turned her back to him, her attention focused on the patient chart.
“Daddy!” Morgan cried out, her voice fearful. “Daddy, what happened? Where am I?”
Forgetting the woman standing across the stretcher from him, he gathered his daughter in his arms. “You’re in the hospital, sweetie. How do you feel?”
* * *
SHERRI LAWSON STEADIED her hands on the edge of the surgical cart, overwhelmed by the hurt tightening her chest, forcing her to turn her back on the man holding his daughter in his arms. She couldn’t believe it. Neill hadn’t shown even a flicker of recognition. Did he really not recognize her? Had twelve years changed her that much?
It was true that he’d been out of her life for all those years, but surely he couldn’t forget her so easily. She touched her highlighted hair as the heat of embarrassment climbed her cheeks. Granted, she’d lost over thirty pounds, had eye surgery to correct her vision and wore makeup now. She’d even gotten her teeth whitened and managed to find a hairdresser who did a beautiful job of coloring and layering her hair. But still...
Relax and stop jumping to conclusions.
She took a deep, calming breath. He might not have recognized her because of his concern for his daughter. She’d seen the haunted look in his eyes when he’d first come into the emergency room. Was she being unreasonable to think he should have recognized her?
Or was she just making excuses for him the way she did during those long, dreary months after he’d gone off to medical school in Boston, leaving her to fend for herself?
And if she were to speak up, how could she explain who she was to the man who’d once been the love of her life—without being totally humiliated? And if he apologized for not recognizing her, would anything change other than the red blotches on her cheeks?
A long-buried ache rose through her chest at the mortifying truth. Of all the responses she’d imagined from him, this was not one of them.
But what had she expected? Had she harbored the notion that he might one day see her again, rush into her arms and tell her how much he’d missed her? Plead for her forgiveness and offer to marry her?
He’d married a doctor from his medical class and had a child with her. That was how much he’d missed her! Meanwhile, she was acting like a lovesick schoolgirl, an angry lovesick schoolgirl.
One part of her wanted to jump into his arms—the other part wanted to punch his lights out. And then there was the part of her that wanted Neill Brandon the teenager she remembered so well....
When she had learned that Neill was returning to Eden Harbor to take over his uncle’s medical practice, she’d decided to avoid any contact with him if possible. She’d accepted that she’d probably run into him at some point between his arrival and her departure—when she left for her new job in Portsmouth. Yet, she could hardly have imagined that their first encounter would be such a disaster.
It was just her rotten luck that because of a nursing shortage in Emergency, she’d taken this extra shift today. Now all she could do was wait for this embarrassing scene to end.
The sooner she got Morgan Brandon moved to her inpatient room, the better. This was one scene she didn’t intend to repeat. Ignoring the man and his daughter, she contacted Admitting to learn that Dr. Fennell had made arrangements and the room was ready. “Dr. Brandon, if you like, I’ll take Morgan to her room while you complete the paperwork in Admitting.”
“Thanks so much.” He moved around the stretcher, his arm brushing hers, sending tiny shock waves reverberating over her skin. She stepped away from him.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you.”
“You didn’t,” she said, fighting to control the sudden awareness snapping through her.
How could she still feel anything for Neill? Hadn’t those lonely months and years accomplished anything? Those desperate weeks when she’d had to face the fact that Neill Brandon wasn’t coming home had exposed her to a kind of fear she’d never experienced before.
Forcing back the memories, she studied the drip chamber on the intravenous as if her life depended on it—anything to keep her eyes from his. Yet she couldn’t block out his words, spoken so gently to his daughter, words filled with love. Hearing them, she remembered another child.
A child who had lived only fifty-two hours.
Unable to bear it any longer, she made another quick note and closed the chart. “I’m going to transfer your daughter now.”
“Morgan, you’re going to be okay. I’ll see you in a few minutes,” he said.
His voice drew her like a moth to a flame to the man who had once held her heart. Not fair. Totally not fair.
She felt the urge to touch him, to be in contact with him, his skin on hers. Nothing had changed. Years after he’d dumped her, he’d returned to her life and the fantasies were beginning all over again.
What is the matter with me?
Is this what having no man in your life did to you?
Not if I can help it. Time to take back control.
And she knew just where to start. Her grip on the stretcher was strong and uncompromising as she unlocked the brakes, tucked Morgan’s chart under the corner of the mattress and moved toward the door.
Hitting the door pad, she waited impatiently for it to swing open, and then strode out into the corridor, pushing the stretcher ahead of her.
Look on the bright side. At least the dreaded first contact with him is over.
She turned the corner and headed toward the elevator. And wasn’t it just as well that he hadn’t recognized her? No need for awkward “how have you been?” chatter. No going back over the past twelve years and dredging up old memories that still held the power to inflict pain. But most of all, no empty excuses required.
She was free to go ahead with her plans, confident in the belief that the worst was over. She could look forward to her job in Portsmouth and her new life.
CHAPTER TWO
AS SHERRI APPROACHED the outpatient clinic nurses’ station the next morning, her mind was made up: from now on she’d refuse any shifts outside the clinics she normally worked. Now all she had to do was finish her shift in the outpatient clinic and then she was off for a couple of days.
She was going to Portsmouth to look for a place to live and to meet with the members of the nursing department she’d be working with in her new job. During the interview a few weeks ago, she’d discovered that she and the nursing coordinator shared the same approach to risk management, a key function in modern hospitals. She might even go to Bangor tomorrow and buy something special for the trip. Just thinking about her new job and the potential it held for a career in nursing management excited her.
Seeing Neill with his daughter, being aware of how focused he was on his life now, had made one thing clear. Neill Brandon had moved on; he had made decisions in life to meet his own personal goals. And so should she. When she’d told her friend Gayle Sawyer about meeting Neill, Gayle had been shocked to learn he hadn’t recognized her.
Gayle’s take on the situation was that the sooner she resolved her feelings around Neill, the easier it would be for her to move on with her life. In Gayle’s mind, there were unfinished issues between them. What Gayle didn’t seem to get was that Sherri had moved on. She wasn’t interested in resuscitating an old relationship. Neill’s presence in her life would be fleeting and of no real importance in the end.
After work yesterday, Sherri had dropped into her mother’s house before going home to her condo. Colleen had been preoccupied with the fact that her son, Ed, was about to be paroled and what that would mean in their lives. With her mother’s attention on Sherri’s older brother, it wasn’t difficult to talk about seeing Neill again. Her mother had been curious about the incident, but Sherri had convinced her that everything had gone well, that they had been perfectly civil with each other. Nothing more.
Her mother didn’t know that Neill was her baby’s father. Even back then, her mother’s attention had been on Ed, who’d just been jailed for drug smuggling. Sherri didn’t want to give her mother any more reason to worry.
Sherri’s husband, Sam, had died five years ago. She’d let her mother assume that her baby had been Sam’s. He’d been in love with Sherri for years, and when she’d met him again in Bangor, they’d started dating. When she could no longer hide the fact that she was pregnant, she’d confided in him what had happened. He proposed to her that night. Feeling she had no other option, she’d accepted.
Sam wanted to be a father very much, and was delighted to have her son carry the Crawford name. She was so grateful for everything he had done for her, and it seemed the right thing to do under the circumstances. He’d supported her by telling everyone that the baby was his. He’d even gone along with fabricating a story about the date she’d conceived. But all of the small lies and minor fabrications had been unnecessary in the end when her son died only hours after he’d been born.
Sam’s parents and his brother Charlie still lived in Eden Harbor, and she saw them at church on the Sundays she wasn’t working. Charlie and his wife, Freda, included her in their children’s birthday celebrations and the Crawford family always invited her for Christmas. She would forever be thankful that Sam was the kind of man he was, despite his problems with alcohol, and that his family treated her like a daughter.
Neill’s arrival in Eden Harbor had complicated her life, but it was nothing she couldn’t manage. She’d decided six months ago to leave Eden Harbor, long before she’d heard that Neill was moving back. She was not leaving because she didn’t like living there; she loved it. But she needed to expand her horizons, find a more challenging nursing job and meet new people. The social scene in Eden Harbor consisted of married couples and twenty-year-olds. Obviously, she didn’t fit into either category.
As Sherri approached the desk, Gayle Sawyer glanced up, her mass of black curls bouncing around her high cheekbones. Any other day Sherri would’ve arrived early for her shift so that she and Gayle could start the day off with a quiet chat. Although Gayle had only arrived in Eden Harbor a year ago, they’d developed an instant rapport that had led to a very close friendship. There were few secrets in Sherri’s life that she hadn’t shared with Gayle, including her relationship with Neill.
“Sorry I’m late, but I got caught in the traffic on Higgins Road. There are days when I wonder why I bought a condo so far from the center of town, but I love waking up to the sound of the ocean.” Her condo building was designed as a series of semidetached units that wrapped around the edge of a hill with a view of the ocean.
“They’re finally doing those road repairs they’ve been talking about. None too soon,” Gayle said, her smile anxious. “I’ve got some bad news.”
Resting her arms on the raised counter in front of Gayle, she waited, fearful that Gayle’s teenage son, Adam, was in trouble again. “What happened?”
“Dr. Brandon is working the clinic this morning.”
“Neill’s here today? His daughter’s a patient on Pediatrics. What’s he doing here?” Sherri had a sudden urge to check her makeup; instead she controlled her rush of anxiety by tidying the already-neat pile of charts on the desk.
“He’s covering for Dr. Keith, who’s been called away on a family emergency.”
“They all seem to be having family emergencies,” Sherri said. “What’s next, I wonder?”
“You’ll have an overwhelming urge to leave work early?” Gayle’s eyebrows twitched.
“Not a chance. Neill’s return to Eden Harbor is just fine as far as I’m concerned.”
“Sherri, it’s me, remember? What if someone starts gossiping about you and Neill? People have long memories, especially when it comes to a new doctor in town. Rumors can ruin lives.”
Sherri suddenly remembered that her medical chart was in his uncle’s office—now Neill’s office—with her past health history, including what had happened in Bangor. Neill knew about the pregnancy, and if he read her chart, he’d learn how their son had had no chance of survival. The struggle she’d had to keep her sanity, and how that struggle had ended. What she didn’t want him to discover was what had happened after that. She was entitled to her privacy when it came to the man who had no right to know what she’d been through. “He won’t find out. I’m out of here in a couple of weeks, and I’m taking my chart with me.”
“I hope you’re right.”
“You worry too much,” Sherri cautioned, although she worried enough for everyone, including herself. But where had all that worrying gotten her? She still lived in the town she’d grown up in. She hadn’t traveled anywhere in her entire life. Another reason for getting out of Eden Harbor.
Neill’s uncle, Dr. Nicolas Brandon, had been her family doctor all her life. Now it was Neill’s practice. And now people had reason to gossip about the newly divorced doctor and his past relationship with one of the nurses. Keeping her secret for twelve years had been tough, and all that effort would not be in vain if she had anything to do with it. She deserved to be able to move on with her life without becoming the subject of unfair gossip.
How had she forgotten about her chart? Did she have time to drop by his office and pick it up? She could request it because she was moving—a simple explanation. She glanced at the clock.
Gayle followed her glance. “Dr. Brandon hasn’t arrived yet, but he did call to say he’d be here in a few minutes.”
Too late. She’d go to his office after her shift. “He’s probably on Pediatrics visiting with his daughter.”
Gayle nodded, a smile teasing the corners of her mouth. “The building is buzzing with the news that Dr. Brandon’s ex-wife is going to be here very soon. She’s a doctor, and she owns a medical supply company in Houston. It seems that even though they’re divorced, Neill and Lilly get along very well. Not your typical divorce in my experience.”
The last person Sherri wanted to talk about this morning was Neill, and her second least favorite topic was his ex-wife. “Neill’s going through a difficult time right now. I hope his daughter is feeling better.”
“I do, too. Anything else you’re hoping for?” Gayle asked sweetly.
“After yesterday, I’d hoped to avoid seeing Neill again, but if I have to, I will.” She tapped the counter emphatically.
“I just want you to know I’m here for you if you need me, that’s all.” Gayle’s smile was sympathetic as she answered the phone.
There were lots of people in the small town of Eden Harbor who were curious about the new doctor—especially those who remembered him as a teenager growing up in the town. And of course everyone was interested in his personal life. Only Gayle knew the whole story about how her relationship with Neill had ended. Sherri intended to see that it stayed that way. After yesterday, there was no doubt that the past was over.
Gayle made a quick note as she hung up the phone. “We’ve got a busy morning ahead,” she said, glancing past Sherri toward the main doors leading from the hospital.
“All the more reason to keep personal issues out of the conversation,” Sherri muttered. She’d worked through all the hurt and pain that loving Neill had created in her life. She would never let him hurt her again.
With determination bolstering her self-confidence, she turned as the doors connecting the clinic with the main hospital slid open and Neill strode in.
His hair was still a deep auburn that kept threatening to curl if allowed to grow too long. He carried his six-foot frame with a clear sense of authority. His presence dominated the space, and the air seemed to pulse with expectation. Facing him across the expanse of corridor, she prayed her bravery of a few minutes ago would hold.
He walked up to her, his smile warm and inclusive. “Sherri Lawson, I want to apologize for not recognizing you yesterday in the emergency room. It’s just that you look...well, you look so different.”
His frank appreciation sent a fluttering sensation down the length of her body. This was a man who knew his impact on women. She’d experienced that impact firsthand and had lived with the consequences. Yet, did he really believe that he could walk in here, offer her a quick apology and everything would be fine between them? “It’s been...a while since we’ve seen each other,” she said stiffly.
He was standing so close she caught a whiff of his cologne. She was acutely aware of how dark his eyelashes were against his perfectly clear skin. “And I was completely preoccupied with Morgan’s emergency. But my concerns for Morgan aside, I’m so pleased to see you here in Eden Harbor. The last I’d heard you were working in Bangor.”
“I’ve been back in Eden Harbor for three years now.”
His gaze registered surprise. “That long?”
So much for wondering if he ever thought about her. She was dismayed to feel heat rising up her neck again.
There was an awkward pause caused by her inability to come up with a response that would politely put this topic to rest. Engaging in conversation with Neill could lead to complications she didn’t need in her life. “You were focused on your daughter’s health. I’m not surprised that you didn’t recognize me. But it doesn’t matter.”
The lie set her on edge. His lack of interest did bother her. With him standing so close, forcing her to face him, she cared deeply that he made her feel somehow...less of a person. It hurt to admit that he could so easily forget her, someone he’d claimed to love twelve years ago.
Or was she looking for his approval? Did she want him to admire all the changes she’d made in her appearance? No. Definitely not. “It’s only right that you should concentrate on your daughter.”
“I’m relieved to hear you say that. I really didn’t mean to upset you, especially when we’ll be working in the same hospital.”
Not for long, she thought. She’d rather work in a garbage dump than share workspace with a man whose only response to her after all these years was to worry if he’d upset her. To block any further discussion between them, she changed topics. “Have you met Gayle Sawyer? She’s new to the clinics.”
Neill’s face was alight with enthusiasm as he moved around the desk. “It’s nice to meet you, Gayle.”
“Thank you. I understand you’re doing Dr. Keith’s clinic today,” Gayle said.
“I am. Will you page me when my ex-wife arrives? I told her I’d be here instead of in our daughter’s room. Lilly was supposed to meet me in Morgan’s room an hour ago.” He glanced at his watch.
Sherri wished she could leave, go anywhere that didn’t include Neill and his ex. Still, she was a little curious to know what the former Mrs. Neill Brandon was like.
Just then the doors opened and a statuesque blonde walked into the clinic, her chocolate-brown business suit a perfect backdrop to her flawless makeup and hair.
Neill walked toward her and they hugged. With their arms still linked, they came to the desk, stopping beside Sherri.
The woman was breathtakingly gorgeous, the kind of woman men desired.
Neill had obviously set his sights on the prettiest girl in his medical class, and he’d won her...at least for a time.
Was Neill’s disinterest that fall day she’d called him, seeking reassurance that he loved her and their baby, due to his infatuation with Lilly? Or worse, had he been dating Lilly when Sherri had called to tell him she was pregnant?
She remembered that call—his shock, his distracted response, followed by his bumbling suggestion that she come to Boston. What was even more humiliating was she’d seriously considered going. If she’d found Neill with another woman... What a fool she would’ve made of herself. In the end, of course, it hadn’t mattered.
“I’d like you to meet Dr. Lilly Russell, Morgan’s mom.”
Lilly smiled. Sherri smiled back. “It’s so nice to meet you,” Sherri said, and in the oddest way, she meant it. Somehow, she sensed that Lilly was someone who’d be a good friend, someone who would be kind to others. “How’s Morgan?” she asked.
“She’s doing much better. And I understand you’re the nurse who was so caring and concerned about our daughter.” Lilly smiled at Neill before returning her gaze to Sherri. “Thank you for everything. I wish I could have been here, but having you with Morgan and hearing Neill sing your praises was so reassuring.”
How could he be such a hypocrite? He had shown no interest in their little boy, but he could praise her nursing abilities to his ex-wife. “It was a pleasure. Your daughter is a wonderful little girl.”
“She is. I’ve been concerned about how she’ll make out with the move here. So I’ve decided to stay for a few days to be with her. Neill got me a room at the Wayfarer’s Inn on Waterside Street.”
“You’ll like it there.”
“I’m sure I will. I’m so pleased to meet some of Neill’s coworkers. For months he’s hardly talked about anything other than practicing medicine here,” Lilly said with genuine friendliness as she smiled at each of them in turn.
Sherri had to admit she could see what had attracted Neill to this woman. Besides being beautiful, she was outgoing, friendly and at ease with people. “We’re all pleased to have Neill back with us.”
Now who’s being a hypocrite?
“Are both of you from here?” Lilly asked.
“Sherri went to school with Neill, but I’m new here,” Gayle offered, leaning her elbows on the desk.
“Neill, you didn’t tell me you were surrounded by beautiful women,” Lilly teased.
Well, what do you know? Lilly didn’t have the faintest clue that she and Neill had been friends for years and had dated in high school. It was nice to know just how much he’d thought of their relationship.
Once again, she was so thankful that Sam Crawford had been there for her, for her unborn child. Sam had been a wonderful man and a good husband who would have made a great dad.
* * *
NEILL COULD HAVE kicked himself for his stupidity as he watched his wife charm the two women. Seeing Sherri that morning, he’d wondered what she believed about him. Probably she saw him as a complete jerk, or worse, for not acknowledging her or giving her any indication what she’d meant to him.
In his defense, he hadn’t expected to find her working in the emergency room of Eagle Mountain Hospital, not to mention being the clinic nurse this morning, at least until Mike Fennell had told him. He’d been having coffee with Mike an hour before, discussing Morgan’s condition, when Mike had said something about Sherri being the nurse in Emergency yesterday.
As he stood there listening to the banter between the women, he focused his attention on Sherri, his heart hammering in his chest at the realization that she was easily the most attractive woman he’d met in a very long time. With her wide hazel-green eyes and her sun-streaked hair framing her face, she was beautiful. So different from what he remembered—the light brown hair, the large-framed glasses and a careless disregard for a few extra pounds. He’d actually found Sherri’s lack of concern over her weight a relief as his mother had always been obsessed with her weight and the refrigerator reflected her rigid diet concerns. The worst possible scenario for a teenage boy who was always starving.
But he was delighted to see that Sherri had blossomed from the teenager he’d known into a woman whose body language suggested a very self-assured and confident person who knew what she wanted from life. He tried not to stare. He didn’t need to add another mistake to his first one of not recognizing her.
“Well, it’s been lovely to meet you both. I’m going up to see Morgan, but I’m sure we’ll run into each other over the next few days.” Lilly turned to Neill, her smile bright. “You’ll be along when you’re finished here?”
“Of course. You’re all she talked about this morning at breakfast,” Neill said, relieved that Lilly was there for a few days. Morgan missed her mother.
Experience had taught him that Lilly, as much as she loved their daughter, would stick around until she was assured that Morgan was being competently cared for. Once she was satisfied, she’d return to her medical supply business in Houston. Lilly had purchased the company with proceeds from her parents’ estate, and she had insisted Neill move to Houston with her. That was the first major disagreement they’d had. He couldn’t see himself as chief operating officer of a company any more than he could imagine living in Houston. They’d compromised; he’d stayed in Boston but had agreed to be on the board of directors.
Lilly had left Boston, leaving their daughter behind with promises of returning every other weekend and holidays and taking Morgan to Houston for her school break, most of which never happened. Parenting was not one of Lilly’s strengths. Maybe it wasn’t his, either, if the move had caused Morgan’s seizure.
“And we have to get to work,” he said, glancing from Gayle to Sherri.
“Hope your daughter is able to go home soon,” Sherri said, her smile open and friendly. “Let me know if you need anything while you’re here.”
“Thank you, I will.”
Lilly touched Neill’s arm as he walked her to the connecting doors between the clinic and the hospital. “When you’re finished with your clinic, we need to talk about Morgan. I’m worried about her.”
“Me, too. Wait for me, will you?” he asked, feeling the weight of Lilly’s concerned expression, one he knew only too well. Lilly didn’t like problems, especially those that were unsolvable. When they’d first met, he’d been drawn to her take-charge approach, as had many of his classmates. They’d been dating for two months when she’d asked him to marry her. Flattered and in love, or so he had believed, he’d said yes.
Lilly Russell was a natural leader, exciting to be around back then. Now, her determination to lead, to take control, grated against his need to go slow, to be more thoughtful and circumspect about life.
But they’d continued to disregard their differences until the day they’d been forced to accept that the love and excitement had gone from their relationship. There didn’t seem to be any point in blaming each other. They had their own careers. Though they still shared a friendship and a love for Morgan, loving each other had become a distant memory.
As Lilly walked through the doors, Neill turned his attention to the pile of charts on the counter. “Where do we start?”
“Follow me,” Sherri said, picking up the charts.
He matched her stride as they moved down the corridor. “Sherri, it’s great to see you again. I’ve taken over my uncle’s practice,” he said lamely, anxious to smooth over the obvious lack of rapport between them.
“Yes, your uncle was an excellent physician.”
Was that skepticism he heard in her voice over his ability to step into his uncle’s shoes? “Yeah, and now he and Aunt Mildred are enjoying retirement in Sarasota.”
Sherri made no response as they moved down the corridor. Patients were waiting in each of the exam rooms. Sherri called out to several as they passed, and the warmth and compassion with which she treated each of them didn’t surprise Neill. She had a gift for making people feel appreciated.
Especially the skinny kid with the doting parents whose only ambition had been to go to med school. During the months they’d dated in high school, he’d loved her most for the way she’d made him feel valued. Appreciated.
He smiled to himself as he watched her. This was her life now, and her devotion to her job was evident.
Still, being near her again reminded him of how close they’d been during their last year of school. He’d gone off to university homesick for her and the idyllic world they’d shared.
He hadn’t heard from her after the short, really awkward phone call about two months after he’d moved to Boston. She’d told him she was expecting his baby, and he’d behaved so stupidly and so hurtfully, he’d been ashamed. But when he had called back to talk to her, she hadn’t answered the phone. And every time he’d tried after that day, she’d refused to speak to him. She was in her first year of the nursing program in Bangor, part of the dream they’d shared, a dream about working together as doctor and nurse. When he’d left for Boston, he’d wanted her to go with him, but she hadn’t made it into the nursing program she’d applied to in Boston.
After her brief call about the baby, he hadn’t heard from her again, although he kept trying. Then one day when he’d called, her roommate had answered and told him Sherri had quit nursing, that she had left no forwarding phone number. He’d called her parents’ house to be told she’d married Sam Crawford, a man two years ahead of them in high school and a guy Sherri had dated in tenth grade.
Wanting to congratulate her on her marriage, he’d gotten her number from her mother. When the message he’d left wasn’t returned, he didn’t try again. Was his pride hurt? Probably. And he’d let his busy life take over, a life he was so sure he wanted back then.
His mother had told him about the death of their baby, and then about Sam’s death in a boating accident. He’d tried to phone Sherri when he heard about the baby, but she wouldn’t take his call. When her husband had died, he’d tried again with no response from her. He’d tried to write her a letter, but his words about being taken by surprise, needing time to absorb what she was telling him, seemed so immature and selfish he’d torn it up. Walking beside her now, remembering the past, his neck glowed hot with embarrassment.
Back then he’d told himself he’d done everything he could to reach out to her, but he recognized what a total lie that was. He could have done so much more. Having Morgan in his life, he knew a joy he’d never known before. Yet he’d denied the same joy to Sherri by not supporting her during the pregnancy.
Being back in familiar surroundings made him remember what they’d once had between them, how he’d missed her during those early years. And now those old feelings were back. “Sherri, can we talk?”
“About what?” she asked. Her hazel eyes flared green.
He motioned toward the medical dictation room.
Once inside, he stood next to the counter. “Look, I don’t know how to say this, and I’ll probably get it wrong.” His smile, meant to be encouraging, faltered against the stiff set of her lips. “We meant so much to each other, yet everything’s changed between us... I want you to know how sorry I am.”
“About what?”
He could only imagine her devastation at the loss of their child. “The...baby.”
“It’s a little late for that, don’t you think?” Her tone was hard, uncompromising.
“Yes, it probably is,” he replied, aware of the emotional distance between them. “And Sam. I’m sorry. I liked him. He... His father gave me my first job in his hardware store,” he said, fumbling his words.
“Sam was a good person, a good husband.”
“You didn’t take his name?”
Her sadness evident, she murmured, “No. He wanted me to. I should have. His parents weren’t comfortable with my decision, but they didn’t say anything.”
A mix of emotions, some he couldn’t identify, cascaded through him. The sudden urge to touch her nearly overwhelmed him. “Look, this isn’t easy for either of us, but we’ll be working together,” he continued, determined to say what needed to be said.
“You mean you don’t want anything to interfere with our professional relationship.” She stood just inside the door of the tiny room, her arms crossed. “I agree completely.”
Her words sounded so cold, so impersonal, making him suddenly aware that he hadn’t said what he’d meant at all. “That’s part of it.” He sought her eyes, needing her encouragement to continue. “I want us to meet somewhere, not here, but somewhere we can catch up, reestablish contact.”
“Why?” she demanded, her eyes harboring suspicion. “What would you and I have to discuss at this point in our lives?”
“I...I didn’t recognize you yesterday. I didn’t mean to imply that I don’t remember you. I do.” Feeling suddenly very awkward, he jammed his hands into the pockets of his lab coat. “You surprised me,” he blurted out.
“How?”
“I wasn’t expecting to see you here.”
“You thought I’d never come back here because of what happened,” she said, her gaze aimed directly at him.
“Maybe...” Why did he feel so tongue-tied around her? He never used to be.
“It’s been a long time, hasn’t it?” she asked, her voice clear and untroubled.
“That’s my point. I want us to—”
“Neill, please don’t say any more. You and I have a clinic to do. Let’s leave it at that.”
Her voice conveyed strength, but her eyes swam with emotion. Seeing her anguish, he leaned toward her. With their bodies nearly touching in the narrow room, their heat mingling, need flared in him. He wanted to take her in his arms, awaken those old feelings. “Do you remember that night at Reef Point Lighthouse—”
* * *
“DON’T!”
His body was so close, so touchable. Sherri closed her eyes to block out the image of him, of that night—his body pressed to hers, the excitement and their happiness.
“Seeing you again has brought it all back for me,” he murmured.
Did he remember that night the way she did? Their lovemaking, the raw need driven by the knowledge that very soon they’d go their separate ways to different places, all the while vowing to love each other forever.
What that night had cost her would live forever in her memory—the night she’d conceived. In the excitement of their graduation party, they hadn’t used protection. When her pregnancy test had come back positive, she’d been so eager to share her news with Neill, believing he would be excited at the prospect of a child. It would be difficult to raise a baby while Neill did his medical degree and she’d have to drop out of nursing school when the baby was born, but she had faith in them, in their love. They could do it...together.
She’d called, prepared to tell him. He’d been so full of stories about his career, his hopes and dreams, none of which fit with the arrival of a baby. When she’d finally cranked up her courage to tell him, he’d acted like she was kidding him. He’d wanted to know what she wanted him to do about a baby, as if their baby was some sort of undesirable nuisance. She’d been so upset, she’d hung up the phone, convinced that she would never be able to get him to understand that she loved him and their baby.
Maybe she should’ve tried harder for her baby’s sake. Should have called him back, given him another chance. But he’d become so involved in university life in Boston that she’d felt she no longer fit in his world. She didn’t want his pity, didn’t want him to feel obligated to do the right thing. Or worse, pretend he cared.
As she met his gaze, confusion and doubt stilled her heart. “It was graduation night, and we were dancing under the moon.”
“And you never looked more beautiful.”
Don’t let yourself remember. Don’t. It’s not worth it. He’s not worth it.
She took a deep breath, willing herself to speak calmly. “We have to get back to work.”
His fidgeted with his tie, ran his hands through his hair. Mesmerized, her eyes followed his hands as she recalled the excitement of his touch.
“Sherri, I’d like to see you sometime. Socially, I mean. Dinner perhaps?”
How could he possibly think he could make up for the past and what they’d lost by inviting her out to dinner?
Yet his voice, his openness as he looked at her and his uneasy smile—they were all so familiar. She waited to see if he’d rub the back of his neck after running his hands through his hair.
When he did, a rush of feeling—long held hostage by her fear—flooded to the surface. It was as if he’d never been gone. She stepped back in shock and disbelief.
How could he still have this effect on her?
She had to stop herself from reaching for him, for everything his love had once offered her. “Dinner? That’s hardly necessary,” she said over the blood pounding in her ears. She leaned against the wall for support, hoping he didn’t notice her apprehension.
When would she ever be free of these feelings? It had been twelve long years since she’d seen him...since he’d seen her. And still he held the power to make her want him.
“A date for coffee then. We can go anywhere you’d like. We could escape to Portland,” he said, his voice flowing around her.
Searching for an easy exit, she glanced around. Several patients stood outside the room, their curiosity directed at the two of them. All she needed was for people to start talking about her and Neill—talk that could lead to questions whose answers could hurt her and her family. “Dr. Brandon, this isn’t the time or place,” she cautioned.
“I’m only asking for a chance to talk things out,” he countered.
Why should she agree to meet him in Portland or anywhere else? What difference would it make? “What’s the point? We’re professionals. We can keep our private lives to ourselves, can’t we? I can.”
“Sherri, you have to admit we never really ended our relationship. I went off to medical school, and you went into nursing. Then we—”
“Yes, we both made choices. We’ve both gotten what we wanted.”
“On the professional front, but what about personally?”
“My personal life suits me just fine. Yours does, too, I assume.”
He shook his head as his gaze swept the floor and then rose to meet hers. “Would you just consider going to lunch—or dinner or coffee, whatever—with me? For old times’ sake?”
“What would that accomplish? We’re not friends. And, as close as we once were, our past relationship is hardly a subject for conversation now.”
He fisted his hands and shoved them into his lab coat pockets. “I’m not asking you to change anything, only to have a meal with me. We don’t have to talk about the past if you don’t want to. Let’s just get together like old friends.”
The despondent look in his eyes stopped her anger in its tracks. She hadn’t expected him to give a damn about what was going on in her life or care whether or not they ever spent any time together. She’d expected him to behave like a big-city doctor, to treat her like he would any other nurse working with him. Instead the old Neill shone in his eyes as he continued to watch her carefully.
She couldn’t help wondering if he’d missed her. Had he wondered why she hadn’t called him again? Why hadn’t he come looking for her to offer his support, if not his love?
What had hurt the most that day she’d called him had been his preoccupation with his career, as if that was all that mattered to him. Prior to that phone call, she hadn’t considered the possibility that his life in Boston had changed him—that maybe he’d stopped loving her. Words she hadn’t admitted to herself until she’d come to the realization of what her life would be like alone with a baby.
Had he come to regret saying he loved her once he got to medical school and became immersed in his new life in Boston? She hadn’t tried to reach him over the years because her life had been tumultuous enough with having to leave nursing, getting married, the pregnancy, followed by the loss of her baby and then losing Sam. What she and Neill had shared was somehow irrelevant in her life during those years. But her mother often mentioned any news involving Neill. It would seem he’d led a life she could only imagine. During their brief love affair in high school, they’d made plans, but none as big as what Neill had planned with Lilly.
Although their plans back then had fueled their love for each other, they were only kids, filled with hope and driven by dreams. Today was their reality. They no longer shared anything worth believing in.
And now she wanted to be free to explore life outside Eden Harbor. For years she’d looked after the needs of those she loved, her patients included. She owed it to herself to put her past to rest and move on to her future.
In a matter of weeks she’d be in Portsmouth, a move she now saw as essential. In the meantime, she’d consider meeting with Neill on her own time when his nearness didn’t cloud her judgment. “Let’s not decide today.”
A long sigh emanated from him as he reached for a chart. “If you don’t want to go, just say so.”
“We’re in no rush, are we?”
“I’m offering you an invitation to dinner, not to the rest of our lives,” he said, frowning.
So she’d annoyed him. So what? Maybe that was how he behaved in Boston, ordering what he wanted and expecting others to comply. She needed to end this conversation before one of the patients started asking questions. “Fine. I’ll get back to you about dinner. Or lunch. Whatever.”
His smile brightened. He leaned closer, his gaze meeting hers, his breath warm on her cheek. For a fraction of a second, she feared he was going to kiss her.
Edging away, she pressed her back against the wall.
“Now we have something to look forward to,” he said, his tone charming and intimate.
Wrong pronoun! She wasn’t looking forward to dinner with him. He must never learn that even now he could influence her so easily. She eased closer to the door. “Then let’s get back to work. There are patients waiting.”
Determined to maintain her distance from the one man who, it seemed, could turn her life upside down and back again, she walked out of the dictation room to the waiting patients.
Someday before she left Eden Harbor for good, when she wasn’t feeling so mixed up, she’d have dinner with him and find the closure she needed. Nothing more.
* * *
HE’D NEARLY KISSED her—the second worst mistake he could’ve made. One dumb move after another...
He followed her out into the corridor, berating himself for doing everything wrong. Suddenly he focused on another possibility. Was there another man in her life? Had she not wanted to go out with him because she was seeing someone?
An even greater concern was the fact that she hadn’t shown any interest in their past, not even when he’d given her an opening. It had to be on her mind as much as it was on his.
As they proceeded to see the patients in the clinic, her lack of communication, except when it involved a patient, made it very difficult for him to concentrate on his work. Feeling dissatisfied and completely out of his element, he finished his clinic and took the elevator to Morgan’s room.
Whatever Lilly had to say would be thought-out and logical, because that was how Lilly dealt with problems. Thinking of her opened the door on his insecurities about his failed marriage.
Why hadn’t he been able to be the husband Lilly needed? His parents had made marriage look so easy, so natural. He’d assumed his would be like that, as well. He’d given what he had to the relationship, only to discover that they made better friends than lovers, better business partners than life partners.
Entering the room and seeing Morgan enjoying her mother’s company, he pushed aside all other concerns. “How’s it going, sweetie?” he asked, hugging his daughter tight. Morgan hugged him back; the scent of her strawberry shampoo filled his nostrils.
“Good. Mommy says she’s going to bring in a pizza for dinner tonight. Can you stay and have pizza with us?” she asked, her eyes intent on his face as she squirmed out of his arms.
Lilly’s arrival had obviously lifted Morgan’s spirits, for which he was grateful. “Absolutely.”
“Mommy says she’s staying for a few days, that you and her have things to talk about,” Morgan said, hope brimming in her eyes.
Neill gave Lilly a questioning look.
Neill knew that Morgan wanted her parents back together, and he couldn’t blame her. From Morgan’s perspective, there hadn’t been a problem. Her parents hadn’t fought about anything; there were no big differences of opinion expressed in her presence, no passionate arguments. Just two people who should never have married one another.
But explaining the complicated dynamics of a relationship to a child who missed her mother and who needed them both was out of the question. “We do have things to talk about, sweetie. But it’s much more important that you and Mommy have a great visit together.”
“Maybe tomorrow when you’re discharged, you can come and stay at the inn with me. It’s a lovely spot, and we can rent a sailboat and go out on the bay,” Lilly said, her smile encouraging as she tucked her daughter’s hand in hers.
“Can you come, Daddy?”
“Your dad’s pretty busy these days. He has so much to do now that you’ve moved to Eden Harbor,” Lilly said, smoothing Morgan’s auburn curls off her face, a face now clouded with sadness and disappointment.
“I want Daddy to come with us. We could have a fun day together. I’ll help make the lunch. Mom, you and I can go shopping for a dessert to take with us.” Morgan swung her pleading eyes from one parent to the other. “Gram says there are eagles off Cranberry Point, and I have to see them,” she said.
Neill wanted to say yes with every part of his being, if only to make up for refusing her the chance for a sleepover. But the last time he and Lilly had gone on an outing with Morgan back in Boston, she’d been very upset and tearful when her mother didn’t stay the night.
As much as he wanted to indulge his daughter, he couldn’t risk getting her hopes up over something that would never be. With a leaden heart, he met Morgan’s eager face. “I can’t go tomorrow, sweetie. It wouldn’t be right.”
“What do you mean?” Morgan asked, her eyes wide, her lips beginning their all too familiar quiver.
Lilly edged closer to Morgan, her arm slipping around her daughter’s shoulders. “Morgan, your daddy and I are divorced, which means that we have separate lives.”
“That doesn’t mean you can’t go on a picnic, does it?” Her glance flew to her father’s face. “Daddy, why can’t you come just this once?”
Seeing the plea in her eyes, he wavered. What would it hurt to spend a few hours as a family to make life a little better for Morgan? But he had a day full of appointments tomorrow. “Tell you what I’ll do. You and Mommy go out on the sailboat tomorrow, enjoy your day together, and I’ll have dinner with you tomorrow evening.”
“At our house?” Morgan bargained.
“At our house,” he answered, hoping he hadn’t simply added to the problem.
Lilly kissed her daughter’s cheek and hugged her close. “I’m going to walk out with your dad and arrange for the pizza and then I’ll be back, okay?”
“Yeah, Mom.” Morgan turned to her father, her smile of joy twisting Neill’s heart. “See you later, alligator.”
“In a while, crocodile,” he answered, playing the old word game he’d taught her as soon as she could talk. At times like this he wondered if he and Lilly should have tried harder to fix their marriage—for Morgan’s sake.
Outside the room, Lilly said, “Neill, you shouldn’t be so unyielding with Morgan. She only wants to spend time with the two of us together. After all, she’s had a lot to deal with, considering the move and the changes in her life. She’s given up her friends and all her activities to come here to Eden Harbor. I understand your need for change in your life, but have you thought about the impact on her?”
“I’ve thought of nothing else.” Morgan had been a happy little girl in Boston; her only complaint was she wanted more attention from her dad. He’d assumed she’d do well with the move. He’d planned for them to lead an idyllic life in the community that had provided him with such a happy childhood. She’d have new friends and the love and attention of his mother. They’d have more time together, since he wouldn’t be teaching medical students.
“Well, we certainly don’t want a repeat of this,” Lilly admonished.
“Morgan cannot be allowed to believe we’re getting back together. That would be cruel. We have to remain firm on this or she’ll continue to work on each of us,” he responded, frustrated by Lilly’s inability to understand that offering false hope to their daughter would only delay her acceptance of their divorce.
He glanced back at the door to make sure Morgan hadn’t followed them out into the corridor. “She’s constantly searching for ways to get us together. She brings you into our conversations whenever she can. She’s always remarking on how you do something versus how I do it. What you tell her on the phone becomes her motto for the day.”
“She obviously misses me.”
“And she misses the life she had when we were married. And it’s left to me to explain why that can’t be.”
She touched his arm. “I realize how hard this must be on you—to be the one who constantly has to remind her of the truth.”
“I hate it.” He ran his hands through his hair in frustration.
“Okay. Let me see what I can do. I’ll talk to her again when we’re out on the boat tomorrow.”
“It would help if you’d see her more often. Whenever you cancel a visit, she goes into a funk.”
“I’ll do better. I promise.”
“Lilly, I’ve heard this all before. Why can’t you see what you’re doing to our daughter? Why don’t you at least try not to promise her something, then break that promise?” he asked, his voice rising.
She gave him a faintly disapproving stare.
Why did he bother trying to reason with her? Lilly would never change. Her parents had spoiled their only child to the point where she had no understanding of anyone else’s needs.
But was he any different?
CHAPTER THREE
“ANOTHER WEEK OVER,” Sherri said to Gayle on their way out the staff door to the back parking lot of the hospital.
“Yeah. TGIF. Tomorrow I’ll go back to worrying about paying my bills. Tonight’s my time-out,” Gayle offered ruefully, hitching her huge black-and-silver purse over her shoulder.
They were going to a birthday party at the pub for Peggy Anderson, the phlebotomist at the clinic, and Sherri fully intended to put this particular week well behind her. She would not give Neill Brandon one thought. Not for a minute would she allow the past two days to ruin her evening. “I’ll go home, get changed and pick up my gift. I’ll meet you at your place in about an hour. We can walk to Rigby’s from there.”
“You got it.”
She drove home, fed her cat, got ready and drove back along Higgins Road, pleased to see that the repairs had been completed. When she and Gayle walked into Rigby’s, they were surrounded by blaring karaoke music and the smell of barbecued spareribs. Immediately drawn into the crowd of people who’d shown up for Peggy’s party, Sherri felt better than she had all day.
Gayle led them through the crowd to the bar. “Where’s Henry?” she asked the new guy behind the bar after ordering an apple martini for each of them.
“He’s sick, got the flu or something. I mean, like he’s really sick. There’ve been a couple of people in the past couple of days who’ve come down with this flu.” The bartender shook his head.
“Sorry to hear that,” Gayle called over the din of voices and music.
Leaning toward Sherri as they stood against the bar waiting for their drinks, she returned to the conversation they’d begun on the walk over to the pub. “This may come under the heading of ‘unsolicited advice,’ but since you’re not asking I’ll tell you anyway. You should go out with Neill just to settle it once and for all,” she said.
“Easy for you to say. How would you feel if you were me?”
“I’d want to get past it, move on, enjoy life, get to that new job in Portsmouth. But what I’d really want would be to show him just how good my life is now, how little his behavior influenced me. Would that be true?”
Would it? No. He could still turn her knees to Jell-O. All the more reason to escape to Portsmouth. “The truth really doesn’t matter and neither does the past,” she said emphatically, more to convince herself than Gayle.
Sherri accepted the drink offered by the smiling young man behind the bar and took a huge gulp designed to blur the image of Neill. “Didn’t we agree to have a good time tonight and forget about what may or may not happen in the future?”
“We did.” Gayle smiled at someone across the room. “I’m going to make the rounds, see who’s here.” She pointed to a group of people standing near the fireplace along the back wall. “I’ll start over there. I see that new guy from Respiratory Technology. He’s hot.” She held up her gift. “Meet you at Peggy’s table.”
“Go for it,” Sherri said, spotting Ned Tompkins, a high school classmate on the stage at the back of the room singing karaoke. His voice wasn’t half-bad. She leaned against the bar and listened.
As she watched, her cousin Nate Garrison slid his arm around her. “What’s a beautiful woman like you doing in a place like this?” He winked.
“Old line, but I love you anyway.” She stood on her tiptoes and kissed his cheek.
“Love me enough to tell me how you’re doing these past few days?” He eased his cane against the bar stool and hugged her.
“You mean with work?”
“That, too.”
Her cousin’s inquisitiveness reminded her that he had been a very competent police officer until being shot in Boston some years before. That hadn’t dulled his protective instinct when it came to her and her sister, Linda, as well as his own sister, Anna, and her two boys. One of the things she loved most about Nate was that he’d been there for her family when Ed went to prison. But as much as she loved him, she wanted to be free of any discussion involving Neill Brandon.
In his overprotective way, Nate had warned her that he intended to take a very personal interest in what happened when Neill arrived in town. “Can we skip past Neill and move on to something more interesting?”
“I ran into him the other day at the grocery store. And I decided to have a chat with him.”
“Nate! Tell me I wasn’t the topic of your chat.”
“It gets better. I let him know that I wouldn’t stand by and see you hurt again.”
“You did not! Tell me you didn’t!”
He nodded sheepishly.
She was so relieved she’d never told Nate about Neill being the father of her child. If he reacted this way to an old boyfriend being back in town, how would he have reacted had he known the truth? “Having you don your white knight armor is not what I need right now, Nate. You’ve got to stay out of it.”
“Oh, so there is something between the two of you?”
“No! I just want people to forget about Neill and me. There’s nothing going on, and there won’t ever be. I have my life and he has his.”
“And you’re okay?”
The concern in his eyes told her where he stood. Nate had been her defender since they were kids. “Listen, I’ve got everything under control. I’m happy, see?” She flashed him a huge smile. “You’ve got to mind your business on this one.”
“You are my business.” He tweaked her nose and smiled down at her. “But I’ll leave it alone for now. Are you ready to party?”
“Absolutely.”
“So am I.”
They sipped their drinks and listened to the music until two women showed up at Nate’s elbow. Although he’d never married, Nate collected women with an ease that astounded her, and his cane seemed to add to his appeal where women were concerned. Too bad that kind of talent didn’t run in the Garrison genes. She’d love to have a man or two dangling off her arm, if only to erase Neill from her mind.
Snap out of it. This is a party, not a wake.
Leaving Nate to his female admirers, she chatted with several people who worked at the hospital, finally wedging herself into the crowd around Peggy. “Happy birthday.” She handed Peggy her brightly wrapped gift.
“Thanks, Sherri.” They shared a jostled hug. “This is such a great party. Makes me feel so good. It’s so nice to have such wonderful friends.”
“Enjoy every minute of it.”
“How did it go with Neill today?”
Was there no other topic for tonight? “Fine, just fine.”
“Wonderful.” Like Gayle, Peggy had expressed a keen interest in Neill’s return to Eden Harbor.
Maybe in a community as small as this, it was only natural that he was the subject on everyone’s lips—but it was driving her nuts.
After making her way back to the bar, she found herself standing with a group of people, and their topic of conversation was the fact that Neill had bought the old Gibbon property on the edge of town. Tightening her grip on her martini glass, she moved on.
Alone at the bar again, she was feeling downright depressed about her predicament when Ned Tompkins appeared at her elbow and asked her to dance. She wasn’t crazy about either Ned or dancing, but she accepted, mostly to fend off any more interest in Neill and her. As they moved around the dance floor, Ned began talking about a possible class reunion now that Neill was back. She was about as interested in a reunion as she was in the invitation hinted at by the movement of Ned’s hands sliding down her back.
Even after they’d stopped dancing and she’d made her excuses, Ned continued to stare at her from his perch at the other end of the bar. Ned had tried to date her when she’d first moved back from Bangor, but she wasn’t interested and had let him down as gently as possible. Not because she didn’t like him, she simply wasn’t interested in a relationship. Feeling isolated, she glanced around to see that Gayle was happily chatting with some of their coworkers. She decided to go outside for a few minutes.
She caught Gayle’s eye and pointed toward the door. Gayle broke away from her group and came over. “Are you okay?” she asked.
“I need a little fresh air.”
“This isn’t about Neill, is it?”
“No, of course not.”
“Want me to come with you?”
“No. I’ll be back in a few minutes.”
She went down the front steps and out into the cool night air. The full moon reminded her of another full moon years before when she and Neill were the only two inhabitants in the world they’d created. Their months together had been so sweet, so exciting; she’d believed they’d go on forever.
A lump formed in her throat. Tears hugged her lids. No. She couldn’t start crying. It had to be the alcohol making her teary. She swallowed and jammed her fingers into her palms.
Drawing the night air into her lungs, she began to feel her old resolve return.
Concentrate on your life and what you want out of it. You have plans—focus on that.
Lifting the hair off her neck to cool her overheated skin, she took a few steps toward the street.
Rigby’s Pub had been part of downtown Eden Harbor for over a century and it boasted a beautiful view of the harbor. Tonight the view was undeniably spectacular. Moonlight danced off the water at the foot of the street, creating a black velvet sheen over the surface. Stars bathed the heavens in ethereal light.
Eden Harbor was one of the most beautiful places on earth and would always remain a part of her life, regardless of where her plans might lead her. Out here, under the night sky, she felt more in control. She was about to enter a whole new phase of her life, making tonight’s scene in the bar a distant memory. Once again, she began to feel excited about her future in Portsmouth.
She was staring out over the water when a voice broke into her thoughts.
* * *
AFTER HIS CONVERSATION with Lilly, Neill had gone home to his new house, now so empty without Morgan. All the while, guilt dug into him, guilt about bringing Morgan here, guilt about letting her down when his marriage failed and now, suddenly, guilt and a sense of foreboding about the future.
During his successful career in Boston, he’d practiced medicine and taught on a part-time basis at the medical school. It had worked reasonably well until his uncle Nicolas, intending to retire, had asked him to come home. His uncle had been very persuasive, and Neill had been ready for a change in his life. Despite his success in Boston, he’d discovered that he’d missed the close connection with people that a smaller community offered. The truth was he’d returned to Eden Harbor to make a difference, to be the kind of doctor people here needed. Yet today he had to admit that he’d also returned to fill a need...to find what was missing from his life.
Tonight he was feeling a strange sense of unease as he roamed around the house, checking Morgan’s room, unpacking a couple of boxes of books in his office, all in an attempt to fight a sense of restlessness and longing. Despite having had pizza with Lilly and Morgan, he was still hungry for something to help fill the strange emptiness. He opened the fridge, scanning each shelf for anything he didn’t have to prepare, or maybe something sweet. There was nothing but milk and a loaf of bread.
How had that happened? No wonder Morgan wanted to spend her time at his mother’s house. He needed to pay more attention to the everyday things. He had promised Morgan that she would have a good life here. He knew how nice it had been to grow up in this community. All he had to do was provide Morgan with a pleasant home environment. With that, along with his mother’s loving support, Morgan would have a great life.
Maybe what he needed was to go downtown and walk around a bit. Friday night had always been the night to go into town and have a beer at one of the local bars. Grabbing his jacket from where he’d tossed it on the sofa, he left the house and strode down the road. Falling into an easy stride and invigorated by the ocean-cooled air, he began to feel more upbeat and positive.
If he was honest about it, a lot of what he was feeling had to do with seeing Sherri again. He hadn’t expected to feel the way he did—gripped by an urgent need to reconnect with her. Did his feelings have more to do with his physical response to her than anything else? Or was he hoping to redeem the past somehow?
Sherri had been his best friend in high school until they’d started dating in twelfth grade. And then everything had changed. He’d changed. Because of Sherri, he’d become more focused, so much more in charge of his life and what he wanted from it. She’d inspired him to see a life filled with possibilities.
After she’d broken the news of her pregnancy, and he’d behaved so badly, they never spoke to each other again. Simple as that. He’d been hurt at first, and then worried, and then he’d found reason to move on—too damned self-absorbed to see that she needed him to be there for her.
But why was he thinking about Sherri? He had a daughter who needed his help in adjusting to her new life, a daughter who was ill. And if these seizures continued, he’d have to take her to Boston for reevaluation. If her condition had changed, he’d move back to Boston so she could have access to the best neuroscientists, putting an end to any concerns or interests he might have in Eden Harbor. There was no other choice.
So why did he want to have dinner with Sherri when his own future held such uncertainty? Had he invited Sherri out to dinner in an attempt to rekindle their relationship? His body flooded with warmth at the thought. But Sherri would never forgive him if he left her again, and he might have to—if Morgan had any more problems.
Beneath it all, he had to confess to a deeper problem, one that had slammed into him during those first minutes of Morgan’s seizure. Despite years of medical experience, he feared being needed the way his daughter needed him. As much as he wanted to be there for her, he was afraid he wasn’t good at it, that somehow in the end he would fail her, the one person in the world he loved without condition.
With his anxious thoughts ricocheting around his mind, he hadn’t realized how fast he’d been walking. Suddenly he was down by the harbor, standing in front of a pub he hadn’t been inside for years. As he stared up at the pirate ship facade, he saw Sherri standing on the steps, her chin raised, her gaze fixed on some point out in the harbor. She looked so completely lost he wanted to go to her.
With the moon high overhead, and Sherri there alone, he couldn’t resist the opportunity. He moved toward the entrance to the pub but hesitated on the bottom step. “I didn’t expect to see you here tonight.”
She glanced down at him, a look of surprise on her face. “There’s a birthday party going on inside.” She nodded to the door behind her.
“And you’re invited, but you needed a breath of air.” He thought she’d never looked more beautiful than she did tonight, with the light playing off her hair, creating an aura around her face. As if drawn by some invisible force, he moved up the steps toward her.
She gripped the railing, her smile tentative. “Yes.”
“I suppose the place is packed as usual.”
She shrugged. “Yes.” Her discomfort was evident in the way she refused to meet his gaze. “What are you doing here?”
He couldn’t admit to having come to town to walk off his troubles. As he stood there looking up at her, he suddenly wanted to go into Rigby’s and have something to eat, to spend time around people without any responsibility for them.
He wanted to have fun. “I suppose there are people in there I’d know.”
“Yeah. Lots of them,” she replied before she started down the steps toward him. Just as she reached him, she moved to the other railing and continued past him. “Good night.”
Was she simply going to walk past him as if he didn’t exist? He hadn’t expected to see her tonight, but now that he had, he didn’t intend to let her walk away. He crossed the stone steps, placing his hands on the railing in front of her. “Wait.”
* * *
NEILL WAS SO close she could touch him, but all the touching in the world would change nothing. “What is it?” she asked, focusing all her attention on the harbor spreading out to the horizon in the moonlight, the gentle bob of boats tugging at their moorings, anything to avoid looking at him.
“I was hoping you might go back inside with me.”
“And give everyone with a pulse reason to believe that you and I are back together?”
The moonlight heightened the expression of surprise on his face. “I hadn’t considered the possibility.”
In other words, nothing’s changed.
He moved to the step below her, his face level with hers, the full force of his appeal threatening her self-control. “Sherri, I don’t expect you to understand why I did what I did back then. But you have to admit that today has been a difficult day for both of us. Could we put aside our differences and have a drink and a bite to eat?”
She glanced up at the door to Rigby’s and back at him. “I can’t go back inside there with you.”
“Can I ask why?”
“Because we don’t have anything in common other than our work, and I won’t be the subject of idle gossip. You’re the lucky one, you realize.”
“How’s that?”
“You didn’t have to face being alone while you worked out what to do about a baby the father wasn’t interested in.”
“That’s not fair!” He scrubbed his face, ducked his head, started to say something and then stopped.
The look of sheer agony on his face had her gripping the railing to keep from reaching for him. “I’m sorry. That was cruel of me. I...I don’t want to talk about this, about us. You see, until you arrived here I had my life under control. I was at peace with my past and ready to move on. With you here it’s all come back. And I don’t like how it makes me feel.”
“Can we go somewhere and talk about this? We can’t work together with so much unspoken between us. I’ve hurt you. I’m back, and clearly I’m not welcome in your life. I understand that.”
He didn’t really understand anything, but she’d already said more than she’d intended.
“Would you be willing to go up the hill to Marco’s? You used to love having their meatloaf and Caesar salad with garlic toast.”
“Now what made you remember that of all things?” she asked, unable to keep a smile from forming on her face. She loved Marco’s Restaurant and always had. It was one of her favorite places, as much for the exuberance of Marco Speranza as for the food.
“How about it? A quick meal, no strings attached.”
What could she say that wouldn’t sound hurtful and mean-spirited? Neill was a good man and a great doctor, but it ended there. She supposed she could agree to go to the restaurant with him. But why should she? She wasn’t hungry. She didn’t need anything more to drink. “I can’t.”
“You won’t reconsider?” he asked, stepping back away from her.
Didn’t he get it? He hadn’t had to give up anything or change anything in his life twelve years ago. He’d simply taken her phone call and gone back to his world of being a medical student, while her life floundered against the certain knowledge that she had a child on the way.
“I don’t know what we’d have to say to each other that wouldn’t leave us sitting through an awkward silence. It’s been a busy week, and I need to get home. You have to appreciate just how difficult this is for me.”
“I do.”
He spoke so softly it felt more like a breath on her cheek than a spoken word. She would have been better off walking away than letting the feelings flushing through her hold sway. But with the moon on his hair and his eyes on her, she was beyond being able to stop any of it. “Oh, Neill, how did we get to this place? What happened to us?”
Confused, angry, hurt and now mortified that she’d asked the very question that had haunted her all those lonely nights, she gasped for air. Tears began their bitter sting against her lashes. She couldn’t stand there any longer, knowing that if she did, she would succumb to his request to go to the restaurant with him.
Afraid her knees might not work, and clutching her purse to her side, she summoned her courage and began to move. She went around him down the steps and started walking back to Gayle’s place.
“Sherri!” Neill called, his voice filled with urgency. “Wait!”
“Don’t!” she said, tossing a warning glance over her shoulder.
She raced up the hill away from the pub, searching the night air for any sound of his feet treading the cobblestones behind her. Resisting the urge to look back, she increased her speed. When she finally reached Gayle’s driveway, out of breath, her face soaked in tears, she got in her car and drove home.
* * *
ON SUNDAY MORNING, all Neill could think about was Sherri and the self-loathing that had kept him company as he’d walked back to his house on Friday night, his appetite gone and his thoughts weighed down by the idea that he had only made things worse between them.
Sherri had made it clear just how hurt and angry she still was. His only defense was that twelve years ago he was a different person—uncertain, yet driven by those uncertainties to succeed regardless of the cost. And now more than at any other time in his career, he knew the real cost of his behavior toward Sherri and their baby.
Deep down, he knew the real reason he hadn’t gone to her in Bangor, and it had nothing to do with her not answering the phone. He hadn’t known what to do. He couldn’t have told his parents, and he hadn’t known where to turn for advice. Even worse, he was ashamed at the relief he’d felt when she hadn’t returned his calls.
Earlier this morning, he’d driven Morgan over to her grandmother’s on his way to the hospital to check on two of his patients. He planned to return to his mother’s house for lunch, and he wanted Morgan to spend time with Lilly before the meal. He’d agreed to the meeting at her place rather than at his new home because having Lilly at his house the other night had been a mistake. Just as he’d feared, at the end of the evening, Morgan had wanted her mother to stay rather than go back to the Wayfarer’s Inn.
If there had ever been any doubt about whether or not he should have ended his marriage, it had been erased over the past couple of days that Lilly had been in Eden Harbor. When she’d arrived at the hospital, she’d been solicitous and supportive of Morgan and appreciative of his efforts to be a good parent, but he was coming to realize that Lilly was at her best when words were all that was required. It was a different story when actions were needed to back up the words.
When Lilly had come over for dinner, she had chatted to Morgan in between taking long calls from her office in Houston. After the third call and the tiny frown line that had formed between Morgan’s eyes, he had asked Lilly to turn off her cell phone until they’d finished dinner. As she had often done in the past, she ignored his request. Lilly was driven by the needs of her business. But it also showed him how Lilly’s priorities had shifted since their divorce. There was a time when she wouldn’t have let anything interrupt her opportunity to spend quality time with their daughter.
What worried him most about Lilly’s behavior was that she didn’t seem to be aware of her impact on Morgan, despite sharing her concern over their daughter’s seizure. When Morgan had pressed her about when she’d see her mother again, Lilly had been enthusiastic about having Morgan fly to Houston. She’d given no specific date, which had left an anxious expression on Morgan’s face. And of course, after Lilly had left to go back to the inn, Morgan had been tearful and resentful that she didn’t have a family like her newest best friend at school, Tara Williams. He’d done what he could to reassure Morgan that he and Lilly loved her, but he was beginning to worry about how well his daughter was coping. Maybe it would all be better once Lilly was back in Houston.
His shoulders tense, his eyes dry from another sleepless night, he opened the window of the car and breathed in the sea air as he turned up the street leading to his mother’s house. He hoped that the rest of Lilly’s visit went better for Morgan.
When he got out of the car, Morgan met him, squealing in delight. “Hi, Dad!” She giggled.
“What are you up to?” he asked. He lifted his daughter up in a quick bear hug before taking her hand in his and starting up the walk.
“Gram let me invite Tara over for lunch with us so that she could meet my mom.”
“That’s wonderful,” he said, his spirits lifting at the sight of his daughter looking so happy. “What are we having for lunch?”
“Gram says she’s making chicken fingers and French fries for Tara and me, and you guys are getting quiche. Yuck!”
“Where’s Tara?”
“She’s inside, talking to Mommy. They’re in the living room looking at old pictures of me at Camp Wasi. Mom says I was the best swimmer that summer,” Morgan said proudly.
“We’d better get in there before Tara discovers the photos of you and me clinging to the Ferris wheel for dear life.”
“We weren’t clinging! You maybe, but not me,” Morgan said.
He opened the door leading into his mother’s kitchen, and the familiar feeling he’d experienced the first day he’d moved back home assailed him. It was as if he’d never left—the same white curtains, the same green floor tiles, the same everything, including the scent of citrus and cilantro that his mother had favored for as long as he could remember.
“Hi, Mom.”
She put the hot dish on the top of the stove before turning to him. “I hear you all had dinner last night. Morgan told me all about it this morning in between games of Scrabble with Lilly.”
His mother’s worried frown told him she wanted to talk about Lilly, but now was not the time. “Anything I can do to help out?”
“Tara and I set the table and filled the water glasses,” Morgan volunteered, an impish expression on her face. She seemed so normal, as if there wasn’t any problem, and Neill caught himself wishing it were true. Yet he couldn’t seem to stop watching her, wondering—as he had years before—if she was about to have another seizure, and he hated himself for seeing his daughter that way.
“We’re about ready to eat,” his mother said, taking a cookie sheet of chicken pieces and fries from the oven.
Just then Lilly appeared in the kitchen with her arm around Tara’s shoulders. They were laughing at something, eliciting a quick glance of resentment from Morgan.
Neill hugged Morgan to his side. “Okay, kiddo, let’s eat. By the way, you did a great job setting the table,” he said. She hugged him back with such ferocity Neill realized he’d been right in his assessment. Morgan wanted all her mother’s attention, and he could hardly blame her. Lilly had announced last evening that she would be returning to Houston later today.
Putting aside his worried thoughts as they all took their places at the table, he settled next to Morgan, focusing all his attention on her. “So, rumor has it that you not only set a great table—you’re also becoming quite a cook.”
“Yep.” Morgan’s eyes did a quick check of her mother. “I make mac and cheese from the box.” She ducked her head and giggled.
“Then we’re lucky to have two cooks in the house. Did you help do the cooking today?”
Morgan nodded vigorously. “I put the chicken fingers on the cookie sheet, I’ll have you know,” she said, her voice brimming with enthusiasm.
“So, we have you and your gram to thank for such a nice lunch.”
“That you do,” Donna said, her round face beaming with pleasure.
“It’s so nice to be here all together,” Lilly responded, her eyes meeting Morgan’s.
They ate and chatted, Morgan teasing her grandmother about her lack of internet skills and how she was going to get her dad to buy her grandmother a cell phone that she could text on. Lilly left the room twice to take a call, while everyone else huddled together, laughing over another one of Tara’s silly jokes. When everyone was finished, the attention turned to Lilly as she announced that it was time for her to leave for the airport.
Knowing Morgan would be upset when her mother drove away, Neill followed Morgan and Lilly out to the car. Morgan hugged her mom fiercely, her shoulders drooping as Lilly let go of her, opened the car door, got in and snapped on her seat belt. Offering a wave and a kiss to Morgan, she eased the car away from the curb and drove down the street. Morgan shielded the light from her eyes, waving until Lilly’s car turned the corner and disappeared. With a too-bright smile, Morgan grabbed her father’s hand and pulled him back toward the house. “Want to play Scrabble with us?”
“Sure. But can I win just this once?” he asked, relieved that Morgan had taken her mother’s departure in stride. This was the first time there hadn’t been tears. Could he dare hope that being in Eden Harbor and spending time with his mother was part of the reason?
“Dad, I’m not going to let you win. You have to earn your win,” she said, pointing her finger at him as they approached the door.
They settled in front of the game table with the board. A mere twenty minutes later, his daughter had won easily. “Dad! You need a dictionary!” Morgan’s laugh rang out in the room as his mother and Tara clapped.
“Enough. I’m a beaten man,” he teased, tousling her auburn curls. With that he got up to leave. “Are you staying here with your grandmother, or are you coming home with me?”
“Dad, can Tara come with me?”
“Why not? You guys can help me put the trampoline up in the backyard.”
Morgan wrinkled her nose. “Dad! That’s work!”
“That’s right,” he said, shepherding the two girls out the back door toward the car.
His mother followed him, a look of concern on her face. “Can I talk to you?”
“Sure, Mom.” To the girls he said, “Get in the car, and fasten your seat belts. I’ll be right there.”
“What’s up?” he asked, almost certain his mother wanted to talk about Lilly.
“I’m worried about Morgan. That seizure the other day...”
Relieved, he agreed, “Me, too, but all we can do is be supportive. She knows what to watch for, and she’s a good kid.”
“Do you think she’s happy here?”
“She seems to be. School is going well. She and Tara have struck up a friendship. Morgan talks about her a lot.”
“What happens if she has another seizure?”
“I’ll take her back to Boston to be reevaluated. I won’t have a choice.”
“Would you move back if she needed to be near a bigger center?” she asked with a look of loneliness so profound it frightened him.
His father had passed away four years earlier, and he’d known how lonely his mother had been living without him. She played bridge and had a large circle of friends, which helped. Yet, until that moment, seeing the look in her eyes, he’d had no idea how much his mother needed Morgan, her only grandchild, in her life.
“Mom, we’re here to stay. Morgan is fine. Her seizures are under control. We want to be here with you, and I’m glad to be back,” he reassured her.
His mother’s arms came around him, and she pressed her head to his chest. “I’ll help you any way I can. Your happiness means everything to me.” She stepped back as if embarrassed and smoothed her gray bob. “You go and have a good day. I’m going to play bridge this evening, but if you need me...”
She left the sentence unfinished, but he knew she would be there at a moment’s notice. It had been that way all his life, and even more so when his father was alive. Because he was an only child, and they’d been married almost fifteen years when he was born, they doted on him. Thriving on all the attention, he’d let them. “Thanks, Mom.”
Sherri used to tease him about how spoiled he was, how his allowance was too much, how little he had to do at home, while she always had after-school chores. But all the spoiling hadn’t done him any harm, and he appreciated his mother’s help.
As he stood with his mother, he realized how fortunate he was to be among people he knew and cared about and who cared about him. It was something he’d missed living in Boston, where he had none of his old friends or relatives to complete his life.
His cell phone rang. Caller ID showed the hospital. That puzzled him, since he wasn’t on call, and the two patients he’d been in to see that morning were stable. “Hello.”
“Hi, Neill. It’s Bill Hayes, and we have a problem. I need you in here as soon as you can make it. The emergency room is full of people exhibiting symptoms suggesting food poisoning or a serious flu outbreak. We’re not sure which. I’ve called everyone in to help.”
“I’ll be right there.” He ended the call. “Mom, I’ve got to go. Can Morgan—”
“Of course.”
He explained to his daughter and Tara that he had to go the hospital, eliciting long groans from them as they piled out of the car and followed him back into the house. “I’ll call you, Mom, as soon as I can. You may have to go to the house and get Morgan’s school clothes for tomorrow.”
“Don’t worry. We’ll be fine. Won’t we, girls?” his mother said, smiling wide.
“I owe you, Mom,” he said, realizing once again how lucky he was.
“No, you don’t. Now go and do your job. We’ll be here.”
His mind on what lay ahead, he drove down the driveway, up Orange Street and onto Tidewater Avenue toward the hospital.
CHAPTER FOUR
SHERRI HAD SPENT the weekend doing housework, cleaning rooms that were already immaculate, anything to keep from thinking about Neill. When’d she fallen into bed on Sunday night, she’d dreamed of him, each dream ending with her in his arms.
On Monday morning, she went into her shift at the clinic to discover that the hospital was turning away visitors. All the doctors on staff were working to stop the spread of a flu that had hit the town over the weekend.
Public service messages on local television and radio encouraged people to seek medical attention if they developed flu symptoms. The inpatient beds of Eagle Mountain Hospital were filled to capacity.
For the next three weeks while the flu spread through the town, she worked twelve-hour shifts, going home, sleeping a few hours and coming back to work for another twelve hours. Everyone at the hospital was working overtime, and no one complained because of the number of very ill people they had to care for around the clock.
Given the situation, she could no longer avoid Neill. They worked side by side for long hours during which he proved just how capable a doctor he was. Sharing the same need to do their best in a difficult situation, they’d slipped right back into the easy rapport they’d had all those years before when they’d been in high school. Sherri had never been happier or more content despite her constant state of exhaustion. She’d had to call Portsmouth and delay her arrival at her new job. The hospital simply couldn’t spare her.
Finally, the situation had returned to normal and she was back to working full-time in the clinic. They’d had a busy day today, but Sherri had found a couple of hours to sit down in her office and start wading through the pile of paperwork she’d left undone. She rubbed her forehead, trying to ease the headache that had plagued her all morning.
She probably needed something to eat, but she was expected at a meeting to review the results of how the flu situation had been managed by the hospital and its staff. She couldn’t skip it as she was taking the nurse who would replace her when she went to Portsmouth at the end of the month. She wanted to familiarize her replacement with how an emergency situation was handled and introduce her to the members of hospital management who would be at the meeting. One thing was certain, Neill would be given a lot of credit for the success of the plan they’d implemented to manage the flu outbreak.
In fact, she had to admit that Neill’s knowledge and devotion to his work since his arrival at Eagle Mountain Hospital had allowed all the staff to be more involved with patient care and treatment. Neill never hesitated to confer with staff or to explain how he came to a diagnosis. The rest of the medical staff loved every minute of the time he spent with them; he treated them like members of the team.
For her part, she was just relieved that he hadn’t mentioned anything about that night in front of Rigby’s or the fact that they hadn’t gone out to dinner. Maybe he was as relieved as she was. A niggling sense of disappointment clicked through her as she considered the possibility.
She was answering her emails when Neill appeared at the door, looking a little less tired than the last time she’d seen him. She hit the send button on her last email, glancing at him as he strode into her office. “How’s it going?” she asked, shutting off her computer.
“I’ve just come from a meeting of the internal medicine group, and we’ve been discussing the clinics.”
“That sounds interesting. Anything new?”
“Well, yes and no. Have you had time to consider my proposal on reorganizing the clinics?” he asked, settling into the chair across from her.
“Not yet. I’ve had other priorities.”
“Yes, I realize that, but the number of no-shows at the diabetic clinic is worrisome. We talked about this at the meeting and concluded that we need to get more of these people in here for follow-up and education.”
“One of the major problems is that many of those people work all day and find it hard to keep an appointment during working hours.”
“Plus, I suspect they don’t want to change their eating habits.”
“Which only increases the issues around weight reduction and elevated blood sugars.”
“It’s a vicious circle.” He rubbed his jaw in thought. “Could we consider an evening diabetic clinic?”
In the past they’d been unable to schedule an evening clinic. The doctor responsible for the clinic could rarely work evenings because of family responsibilities. “You’d be willing to run it?”
“Sure. Mom is really enjoying looking after Morgan, and she says that if I need to do an evening clinic, she’ll look after her. Could we get nursing and dietitian support?”
How long had she wanted to do this? There had always been little interest by anyone but her. There seemed to be an overall sense that people with diabetes didn’t require more than an assessment, with little consideration given to supporting them while they made long-term lifestyle changes. Basically, they were given a diet and appropriate medications, then sent back out into the community to fend for themselves. The trouble was, they needed a lot more than that. Most of the patients couldn’t leave work to attend the daytime clinics, and without an evening clinic they missed out on further help and evaluation as they tried to keep their diabetes under control.
But with Neill advocating for improvements, there was an opportunity to change these people’s lives and their family’s lives, as well. “I’m sure administration will approve the nursing hours, and Melanie Waller would work with the patients on their diet. Until I find someone to do the evening nursing hours, I’ll be there.”
“That’s fantastic! With your involvement we’ll be able to make this into a really effective program,” he said, his pleasure shining in his eyes.
Before she left for Portsmouth, she’d find a nurse with a special interest in diabetes to look after the evening clinic, someone who felt the same way she did about the support needed for these people. “I’ll set up a meeting with Melanie, you and me, and we can decide which evening of the week and how many people we can reasonably see during the clinic.”
“Great.” He tapped the desk, his brow furrowed, as if he wanted to say more.
He glanced up, his eyes searching her face. She waited for him to share his thoughts with her the way they’d once done so easily.
Stop thinking that way. You’re not a teenager. Neill is not your boyfriend.
“Was there something else?”
His eyes met hers, and a tentative smile softened the lines around his mouth. “No.” He shook his head. “I’m looking forward to working on the plan for the new clinic.”
* * *
THE ORGANIZATIONAL MEETING went without a hitch, and a week later they were holding their first evening diabetic clinic. Sherri was delighted to be able to get this up and running before she moved to Portsmouth. Twelve people registered for it and all twelve showed up, which meant a busy evening.
Sherri was putting a final nursing note on Alice Higgins’s chart when Neill came around the corner of the nurses’ station with two cups of coffee in his hands. “Here, drink this. You look like you could use a little caffeine.”
She did feel tired, even irritable at times. She had for weeks. “Not coffee at this hour.” She checked her watch. “It’s almost ten o’clock.”
“I thought you were a night owl.” He glanced at the pile of paperwork next to her. “You still have charting to complete. You need a little caffeine—it’s the best defense against falling asleep on the job. Take it from someone who knows,” he teased, putting the cup on the desk and sitting down in the chair beside her. “I put cream in it, just the way you like it.”
“Thanks,” she said, pleasure spiking through her at the concern he showed for her, the camaraderie that had grown between them in the past hectic weeks.
Sitting so near him, the heat of his body mingling with hers, she wanted to close her eyes and imagine what it would be like if they’d moved back together to work as a team. The number of shifts they would have worked together, the hours they would have spent in his office where she would have worked as his nurse.
Firmly shifting her thoughts back to reality, she forced a smile to her dry lips. “Yeah, I’m a night owl who needs food. I’m starving. Come to think of it, I’m always starving.”
“Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but other than a few stale crackers and a bottle of orange juice, the kitchenette is empty. I’m going to talk to Melanie about restocking the cupboards with food appropriate to the diabetic diet. What do you think?”
“That’s a great idea.” She looked directly into his eyes and knew that his interest in the success of the clinic and the well-being of its patients was real. “Maybe we should consider holding meal-planning and cooking classes, as well.”
“I like that idea,” he said, his voice warm, his smile pulling her into his space in that same old way of his.
“I’ve always believed we’d do a better job with our patients if we could show them how to prepare healthy meals,” she said, her eyes seeking his, despite her determination not to give in to his appeal.
“Has anyone told you lately how much you’re appreciated around here?” he asked, his familiar quirky smile lighting his face.
Sighing, she put her pen down and leaned back in her chair, tiredness claiming her limbs. “Not recently.”
He put his hand over hers, where they rested in her lap. “You are so important to this clinic, your patients—” He hesitated. “You’re a fantastic nurse. I...we are so lucky to have you here.”
Lost in the moment, his words flowed around her, easing her loneliness. He was so sweet, so much like the Neill Brandon she remembered.
For a fleeting interval, she allowed herself to imagine what it would be like if they could erase their past and step back into the life they’d known as teenagers.
The gentle squeeze of his fingers on hers suspended her thoughts, slowed her pulse. She desperately wanted to lean her head on his shoulders and feel his arms around her. It had to be the tiredness that had plagued her all evening that made her feel this way. Suddenly her head swam and her stomach rolled as nausea swept over her. She pulled her fingers from his, and the sick feeling grew worse. “I need something to eat. I feel really faint.”
“Do you need to lie down?” he asked, his tone worried.
“No. I...don’t think so.” She clutched the edge of the counter for support.
“Your color’s not good. Put your head down between your knees,” he ordered, his voice gentle but firm.
She lowered her head, but she still felt awful.
“Have you been nauseated like this before?” he asked, his hand on her back as he leaned closer, his other hand reaching to check her pulse.
“No,” she said over another wave of nausea that made her gag.
He took her hand and pulled her to her feet, wrapping his arm around her as he ushered her toward an exam room. “Okay, it’s time we checked you out.”
“I’m fine,” she protested.
“No, you’re not.” His firm grip allowed no argument as he led her to one of the clinic exam rooms.
She climbed up on the stretcher and laid down, the cool pillow beneath her head a welcome comfort.
“I’m going to check your blood pressure, and then we’ll get a stat blood test done on you.”
“Please don’t do that. I just need to eat something.”
“Maybe so, but better safe than sorry.” His eyebrows twitched in concentration, his attention focused on taking her blood pressure. He unfurled the cuff and the air slid out.
“Your blood pressure’s low, your color’s not good and your pulse is way too fast.” He touched her forehead, his hand cool against her skin, his glance analytical and professional.
She had to get out of there. The last thing she needed in her life was for Neill to be involved in her medical care. Facing him at work was one thing; having him near her in an intimate way as her family physician was out of the question. She had to leave before he offered to drive her home. She couldn’t have him come home with her, a poignant reminder of what might have been. Determined to escape, she swung her legs down and sat up. “I feel much better. I’m going to go home and get something to eat. I’ll be fine,” she said emphatically.
“You’re not going anywhere,” he said, his gaze searching her face. “I want to check your throat.” His tone was serious as he reached for the light on the wall and a tongue depressor.
“All I need is something to eat. I’m hungry,” she protested after he checked her throat.
“You’re feeling fatigued, right?”
“Yes, for a while now, but I’ve been so busy with the clinic.”
“Have you lost weight recently?”
“Maybe a little.”
“Let’s see.” He took her hands and eased her to her feet. “Hop on the scale.”
Not with him watching. “What’s my weight got to do with it?”
“If you’ve lost weight, it might help me determine what’s going on with you.”
“I don’t see how,” she said grumpily.
“Humor me.” He led her to the scale in the corner of the exam room. “Here, get on. I won’t look. Just tell me if you’ve lost weight.”
Grudgingly, she climbed on the scale and adjusted the weights. Down three pounds. “Yeah, I’ve lost a little more.”
“More? How much more?”
She held up three fingers.
“How much in total?”
“Nine over the past two months, but I’ve been trying to lose weight,” she said defensively.
“Are you thirsty more often than before?”
“Yeah, I am. But it’s dry in here, and I’m in this building more than I’m home,” she said, making her way back to the examination table as a wave of dizziness assailed her. She grabbed the soft edge of the table, shifted her feet up onto the stool, turned and sat down as the room whirled before her eyes.
“Lie back,” he said as he expertly gathered the blood-testing equipment, tightened a tourniquet around her arm and inserted the needle into the engorged vein. When he finished, he released the tourniquet and carefully put the blood samples in a webbed plastic box. He took the diabetic testing unit off the shelf next to the exam table. “Hold out your finger.”
“You don’t think I have diabetes.”
“Let’s see,” he said, his tone offering her no choice but to comply with his request.
She watched as if in a dream, her mind racing over the possibilities, apprehension flooding her thoughts.
He checked the meter. His jaw tightened. “Your blood sugar is 432.”
She was stunned. It had to be a mistake.
“Wait right here,” he ordered, leaving the room only to return with a glass of water. “Here, drink this.”
She sipped the water, feeling the coolness of it all the way down to her stomach. It felt so good. She didn’t realize how thirsty she was until Neill returned with another glass filled to the brim. She drank that also.
“Do you have a ketone meter around here?” he asked.
“No. We did have one, but we ran out of strips. The clinic budget is pretty tight. We don’t use them very often and they often go past their due date on us. If the doctor wants ketones done, we send the patient to the lab.”
Neill observed her closely. “So let’s run through this. You’ve lost weight. Your blood sugar is high. You’re hungry, and you’re tired most of the time. And now you’re dizzy and feeling nauseated. I’m ordering a full workup on you. It may be that your symptoms are due to type one diabetes.”
“Type one? No, it can’t be. Young people get type one.” His words hit hard, and her head swam as her dizziness returned. The glass nearly slipped from her fingers as she clutched the edge of the exam table and steadied her breathing.
There had to be some mistake. Surely she would have had some warning. She was a nurse and knew the symptoms.
Like a kaleidoscope, the past few weeks flashed and mutated before her eyes. She had been so tired and listless, hungry and thirsty, going to the bathroom a lot more than normal. She’d assumed that it was because of the long hours she’d been putting in at work—if she thought about it at all.
Neill had to be wrong. Her mother depended on her. Her cousin Anna, a single mom, needed her to help with the boys. She didn’t have time to deal with a serious health issue, and certainly not one as complicated as diabetes. “That can’t be. I’m healthy. A little tired, but otherwise fine.”
“Didn’t you recently have a pretty severe bout of the flu?” he asked.
She knew what he was getting at. Type one diabetes was often preceded by a viral illness. “About a month ago I had flu symptoms, but they only lasted a couple of days...I think.” It was hard to remember given how busy she’d been with her job and her plans.
He took her hand, his touch warm as his gentle smile entwined itself around her heart. “Let’s do the workup and be sure.”
“You’re not thinking of admitting me to the hospital, are you?” she asked, aghast at the idea that he’d even consider such a thing and equally determined to stop him. “All the necessary blood work can be done from my doctor’s office.”
He turned his high-powered gaze on her in that inquisitive way of his. “Normally, I’d agree. Do you live alone?”
“Yes,” she said, feeling that she’d exposed her private life to him, shown him that she had no one special in her life. It was true, but it was also none of his business.
“Then I’d like to admit you to hospital while I do the workup. I want to know you’re safe.”
“Safe?” she asked, shocked at his words.
“Sherri, you nearly passed out sitting at your desk. I’m concerned that you could be in ketoacidosis. You had no idea your blood sugar was so high, and we don’t know how long this has been going on. I need to see your full blood chemistry. As you know there’s always a danger of a coma in these circumstances.”
“Neill.” Rarely had she spoken his first name aloud since he’d returned to Eden Harbor, yet it left her lips with such ease. “All that’s wrong is I’m exhausted and I’m starving. Once I have a good meal, I’m certain I’ll be fine.”
“Listen to your doctor,” he said, a teasing but kind note in his voice. “I’m not prepared to take chances with you. I’ll admit you, and it will only take a couple of days to sort out what’s happening.”
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