Waiting for Baby
Cathy McDavid
Lilly Russo is thrilled–and terrified–to be pregnant.First it's a bit of a shock that her brief affair with the owner of Bear Creek Ranch, Jake Tucker, led to a new life growing inside her. But there are complications. She's worried about being a mom, but she's even more concerned about Jake, already a busy single father of three girls.And now he's proposing to turn their brief affair into a permanent arrangement. Running his ranch and raising three daughters is enough to keep Jake on his toes. But he's determined to do the right thing by Lilly. Can their relationship grow from a fling into love–considering there's a baby at stake?
“Jake.” The stern objection she’d planned to deliver came out sounding like an invitation
One he accepted.
The instant their lips touched, Lilly surrendered to him. This was unquestionably a mistake and something she’d regret later. But for now, Jake’s strong fingers kneading her skin through her shirt, his tongue and lips tantalizing her, were exactly the emotional balm she needed, and she took every ounce of comfort he was willing to give.
The blazing intensity of their kiss lasted several moments longer. Their mouths broke apart but not their embrace. He seemed to sense she needed more time before letting go. Sliding her hands to his shoulders, she waited for her breathing to calm.
At his next words, it stopped completely, and her limp hands fell away to land in her lap.
“Marry me, Lilly.”
Dear Reader,
We often hear about books altering the course of people’s lives. Perhaps it’s even happened to you. It has me, and I can still remember the moment, though twenty-two years have passed since then. I was visiting a friend, and she lent me one of her many Harlequin books. I spent the next afternoon reading when I should have been working, never guessing at the profound effect this one book would have on me.
I’d always been an avid reader from the time I was young, but hadn’t been drawn to romances. Obviously I didn’t know what I was missing. From that day forward, romance books became my staple. I started out devouring…er, I mean, reading Harlequin Superromance novels. Then one day another friend gave me a Harlequin American Romance book she’d particularly enjoyed. It was to be another defining moment.
When I decided to pursue writing, I didn’t pick romances—they picked me. Being published by Harlequin, who produced the books I enjoyed reading more than any others, became my dream—one I realized in 2006.
Harlequin books have changed tremendously since the time my friend lent me that first one, and I’m so excited and honored to be a tiny part of that revolution. Maybe one day a book of mine will land in someone’s hands and alter their life. As a writer, I can’t think of anything more rewarding.
Warmest wishes,
Cathy McDavid
Waiting for Baby
Cathy McDavid
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
For the past eleven years Cathy McDavid has been juggling a family, a job and writing, and has been doing pretty well at it except for the cooking and housecleaning part. Mother of boy and girl teenage twins, she manages the near impossible by working every day with her husband of twenty years at their commercial construction company. They survive by not bringing work home and not bringing home to the office. A mutual love of all things Western also helps. Horses and ranch animals have been a part of Cathy’s life since she moved to Arizona as a child and asked her mother for riding lessons. She can hardly remember a time when she couldn’t walk outside and pet a soft, velvety nose (or beak, or snout) whenever the mood struck. You can visit her Web site at www.cathymcdavid.com.
To Clay and Caitlin, my own precious babies,
who aren’t so little anymore. I love you to pieces.
Contents
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Epilogue
Chapter One
Lilly Russo wasn’t looking forward to meeting with the man who’d so unceremoniously dumped her a mere three weeks ago. She’d do it, however, and just about anything else for the clients of Horizon Adult Day Care Center. They were too deserving, too much in need, too dear to her to lose out on a golden opportunity because of her pride.
“Mr. Tucker will be with you in a few minutes.”
“Thank you.”
If his assistant knew that her boss and Lilly had recently engaged in a brief affair, she gave no indication.
“Would you care for coffee or water while you wait?”
“I’m fine, thank you.”
Lilly attempted a smile and sat on the closest piece of furniture, which happened to be an overstuffed couch, and instantly sank like a stone into its soft cushions. She should have chosen the chair by the window instead. Then she would’ve been able to stand gracefully when the assistant or, worse, Jake Tucker himself came to collect her for their appointment.
While she waited, she studied the comfortable and charmingly appointed lobby. The rustic, western flavor of the mountain guest resort was as apparent here as everywhere else on the ranch. Green checked curtains framed large picture windows. Heavy pine furniture, much of it antique, sat on polished hardwood floors covered by colorful area rugs. Paintings depicting nature scenes and wild animals indigenous to Arizona’s southern rim country hung on the walls.
Lilly had been acquainted with Jake Tucker—manager of Bear Creek Ranch and landlord of the mini mall where the day-care center was located—for almost two years. They’d first met here in his office, when she’d become the day care’s new administrator and her predecessor had introduced her to Jake. Since then she’d visited the ranch only a few times. But at the Labor Day cookout nine weeks ago, Jake had suddenly taken notice of her and asked her on a date.
If Lilly knew then what she did now, she’d have saved herself a heap of heartache and refused his invitation.
The assistant appeared in Lilly’s line of vision. “Mr. Tucker will see you now.”
She pushed out of the couch, wobbling only once, much to her relief. If it hadn’t been so important to make a businesslike impression on Jake, she’d have worn something other than a slim-fitting suit and high-heeled pumps. He wouldn’t guess by looking at her how much his abrupt breakup had hurt. Not if she could help it.
“Follow me, please.” Jake’s assistant led Lilly behind the busy front desk to an open office door. She gestured for Lilly to enter before discreetly moving aside.
The moment of truth had arrived.
Mentally rehearsing her pitch, Lilly stepped into Jake’s office. She came to a halt when the door closed behind her. Lilly’s stomach, already queasy to begin with, knotted into a tight ball.
Jake sat behind a large, ornate desk reading a computer screen, his profile to her. He turned his head to look at her, and she was struck anew by his intelligent hazel eyes and strong, square jaw. Memories of cradling that face between her hands while they made love flooded her.
She promptly lost track of what she’d planned to say.
He stood and extended his hand across the desk. “Good morning, Lilly. How are you?”
His greeting jump-started her befuddled brain. “Hello, Jake.”
She stepped forward and accepted his handshake. His grip was confident and controlled and reminiscent of when their relationship had been strictly professional. But she’d seen him in those rare moments when he lost control and gave himself over to passion. That was the Jake she found most attractive, the one she’d fallen for harder than she would’ve thought possible.
“Thanks for seeing me on such short notice.” She cleared the nervous tickle from her throat and sat in one of the two visitors chairs facing his desk.
“I would’ve come to the center on my next trip to town,” he said, resuming his seat.
“I felt our meeting should take place here, since what I want to discuss involves Bear Creek Ranch.”
“Is that so?” he asked and leaned forward.
He wore his sandy brown hair a little longer than when she’d first met him. It complemented his customary wardrobe of western shirts and dress jeans—and was surprisingly soft when sifted through inquisitive fingers.
“Yes.” Lilly struggled to stay on track.
She couldn’t afford to mess this up. The facility’s clients and staff were depending on her to make their hopes and dreams a reality.
Besides, she and Jake weren’t an item anymore, their personal relationship over. Hadn’t he made that abundantly clear three weeks ago? He could get down on his knees and crawl across the floor and she wouldn’t agree to see him again.
Lilly Russo didn’t court misery. She’d already had enough in her life, thank you very much.
“As you know,” she went on, finding her stride, “the center isn’t just a babysitting service for emotionally and mentally challenged adults. One of our goals is to provide clients with recreational activities that enhance their life experience, either by intellectually stimulating them or teaching them skills they can use outside the center.”
“You have a great program there.”
“I’m glad you think so because we’d like your help with a project.”
“What kind of help?”
Someone who didn’t know Jake quite so well might have missed the subtle change in his expression from mild interest to wariness. Lilly suspected the wariness had more to do with his feelings toward her and their breakup than not wanting to help the center. She rallied against a quick, yet intense, flash of pain and continued with her pitch.
“The center’s revenue comes from a variety of sources, including donations. Some of those donations are in the form of equipment or furniture or even small appliances rather than money. We’ve received an item that I initially thought was unusable. But after some consideration, I’ve changed my mind. Dave, our owner, and the staff, agree with me that if we can find a suitable place to board this…item, it might prove to be very valuable and enjoyable to our clients.”
“Board?”
Trust Jake to pick up on the one key word in her long speech.
“Yes. A mule.”
“Someone’s given you a mule?”
“Tom and Ginger Malcovitch. You may know them.”
“I do.” Jake frowned.
Lilly knew why. Ginger’s brother and Jake’s ex-wife had recently announced their engagement. In fact, it was right after their announcement that Jake had asked Lilly out on their first date.
Unfortunately, she hadn’t seen the connection. Not until the night he’d ended their relationship.
She pushed the unhappy memories to the back of her mind, determined not to let anything distract her. “The mule is old and very gentle, though slightly lame in one leg. But not so lame that he couldn’t be led around a ring carrying one adult.”
“Your clients?”
She nodded. “I’m sure you’ve heard of the positive effect animals can have on the mentally, emotionally and even physically challenged. They seem to have an ability to bond with these individuals in a way people can’t.”
“I saw something on TV once.”
“Yes, well, the benefits animals have on the elderly and disabled is a documented fact.” She wished he’d sounded more enthusiastic.
“And you think this mule will help your clients?”
“I’m convinced of it.” She gathered her courage. “In addition to corralling the mule with the horses on the ranch, we’d need to use your riding equipment. In exchange, our clients who are able to will do some work for the ranch.”
“What kind of work?”
“Mucking out stalls. Feeding. Cleaning and oiling saddles and bridles. Whatever simple tasks can be accomplished in a morning or an afternoon.”
“How often would you come out?”
“Three times a week. More if I can recruit additional volunteers.”
Horizon employed ten full-time caretakers, including two nurses and several student volunteers from the nearby college. Outings required one caretaker for every two clients and put a strain on the center’s regular staff. She doubted Dave and his wife would agree to hire more employees.
Jake expelled a long breath and sat back in his chair.
Lilly sensed she was losing him and panicked. “I’ve spoken with our CPA. She tells me the cost of boarding the mule would be a tax deduction for the ranch.”
“It’s not just money.”
“You’ve offered to help the center in the past.”
“I was thinking more along the lines of repairs and maintenance. Not providing jobs for your clients.”
“Work in exchange for boarding our mule isn’t exactly a job.”
“There’s an issue of liability.” Jake spoke slowly and appeared to choose his words carefully.
Lilly’s defenses shot up. “Because they’re disabled?”
“Because they’d be neither guests nor employees. I’m not sure they’d be covered by our insurance in the case of a mishap.”
“Oh. Of course.” Insurance wasn’t an obstacle Lilly had considered, and she chided herself for her shortsightedness. “I understand. You have to do what’s best for the ranch.”
“I’ll call our agent later today. Check with him on how the policy reads.”
The wheels in Lilly’s mind turned. “What if our insurance covered the clients while they were on the ranch?”
“Does it?”
“I’ll find out. If not, maybe Dave could have a special rider added.”
Jake drummed his fingers on the desktop. “Even if I end up agreeing to your proposition, I’ll still need to take it to the family for their approval.”
Here was an obstacle Lilly had considered. Jake managed Bear Creek Ranch but it was owned equally by eight members of the Tucker family, including him.
“I’d be happy to meet with them,” she said, hope filling the void left by her earlier disappointment.
“Let’s wait a bit. That may not be necessary.”
She sat back in her chair, unaware that she’d inched forward.
“Your clients would also have to keep a reasonable distance from the guests. Please don’t take this the wrong way, but they might make some people uncomfortable, and I have to put our guests’ interests first.”
Was Jake one of those “uncomfortable” people? Lilly compressed her lips and paused before replying. She encountered this discomfort on a regular basis. And not just at work.
It had started with her ex-husband, immediately following their son Evan’s birth. She’d also seen it in the expressions of countless friends and relatives who had visited during the two months little Evan resided in the hospital’s neonatal intensive care unit. Then later when they brought him home, still hooked to machines and monitors. The discomfort prevailed even at Evan’s funeral seven months later.
Differences and abnormalities, Lilly had sadly learned, weren’t always tolerated. All she could do was try to show people that special needs individuals were frequently affectionate and charming.
“That won’t be a problem,” she told Jake. “The people we choose to bring will be closely supervised at all times. At least one staff member for every two to three adults.”
“That should be acceptable.”
“Good.” She made a mental note to contact the college regarding more student volunteers.
“I’ll let you know what the family says.” Jake rose.
Lilly did likewise. “Do you know when that might be?” She started to mention the Malcovitches impending house sale, then bit her tongue. Another reminder of Jake’s ex-wife’s engagement wouldn’t advance her cause. “We need to find a place for the mule this week.”
“Saturday’s the earliest I can get everyone together. If you’re stuck, you can board the mule here temporarily.”
“Really?” She couldn’t help smiling. His offer was both unexpected and generous. “Thank you, Jake.”
He came around the desk toward her, a spark of interest lighting his eyes. “It was nice seeing you again, Lilly.”
As they walked toward his office door, his fingers came to rest lightly on her elbow. The gesture was courteous. Not the least bit sexual. Yet, she was instantly struck with an image of that same hand roaming her body and bringing her intense pleasure.
Oh, no. She didn’t need this now. Not when she’d finally resigned herself to their breakup.
“I’ll call you in a day or two about our insurance policy.” She casually sidestepped him, the movement dislodging his hand.
“Take care, Lilly.”
Was that concern she heard in his voice? Did he regret the ruthless manner in which he’d informed her they were through? A more plausible explanation was that she’d only heard what she wanted to.
But then, there was that look on his face….
“You, too, Jake.” She left his office before she could jump to a wrong conclusion, barely acknowledging the young woman seated at the workstation behind the front desk.
Lilly’s thigh-hugging skirt hampered her hasty retreat across the lobby. She slowed before she tumbled down the porch steps. From now on, she vowed, whatever happened between her and Jake Tucker would be strictly business. Forget all those looks and touches and vocal inflections. She wasn’t going to endanger a valuable program for the center. Nor was she risking her heart on the basis of a few misread signals.
BUTTONING HIS flannel-lined denim jacket, Jake headed out the main lodge and along the uneven stone walkway leading to the parking lot. A gust of wind swept past him, sending a small pile of leaves and pine needles dancing across the hard-packed dirt.
He held the crown of his cowboy hat, dropped his chin and walked directly into the chilly breeze. Fall came quickly to this part of the state and stayed only briefly before winter descended. Within the last few weeks, the temperature had dropped twenty degrees. By next month, frost would cover the ground each morning. Soon after that, snow.
Bear Creek Ranch was always booked solid during the holiday season, which stretched from late October through the first week of January. Nestled in a valley at the base of the Mazatzal Mountains, it was surrounded by dense ponderosa pines and sprawling oak trees. Bear Creek, from which the ranch derived its name, ran crystal clear and icy cold three hundred and sixty-five days a year. Fishermen, both professional and amateur, flocked from all over the southwest to test their skill at landing record-breaking trout.
Jake had lived on the ranch his whole life—until two years ago when he’d walked in on his then-wife with another man. Given the choice, he’d have sought counseling and attempted to repair his and Ellen’s deteriorating marriage, for the sake of their three daughters if nothing else. Ellen, on the other hand, had wanted out and promptly divorced him.
Because he wanted his daughters to grow up in the same home he had, enjoy the same country lifestyle, remain near the close-knit Tucker family, Jake had let Ellen keep their house on the ranch until their youngest child graduated from high school. He’d purchased a vacant lot a few miles up the road. There, he’d built a lovely—and terribly empty—house on a hill with a stunning view no one appreciated.
Never once did Jake dream Ellen would bring another man into his home to sleep in his bed, eat at his table, live with his daughters. The very idea of it made him sick. And angry. That anger had prompted him to invite Lilly on a date.
Seeing her for the first time since he’d botched their breakup, watching the brave front she put on, had reminded him of the genuine liking he’d had for her and still did. He’d been a jerk for treating her so poorly—but not, he reasoned, for letting her go.
As difficult as their breakup had been for both of them, it was for the best. Jake had jumped the gun with Lilly, something he’d realized when she’d begun to pressure him for more of a commitment. His daughters were having trouble coping with their mother’s upcoming marriage and the prospect of a stepfather. A new woman in Jake’s life would’ve added to those troubles, and his daughters came first with him. He’d chosen wisely, he felt, to call it quits with Lilly before too many people were hurt or, as in her case, hurt worse.
Climbing into his pickup truck, he took the main road through the ranch to the riding stables. He pulled up beside a split-wood fence his grandfather had built fifty years ago and parked.
“Howdy, Jake.” Gary Forrester, the ranch’s manager of guest amenities, came out from the barn to greet him. He carried a metal toolbox in one hand. In the other, he jangled a set of keys to one of the ATVs the hands regularly used to get around the property.
“Hey, Gary. You off somewhere?”
“The number-three pump went on the fritz this morning. I’m on my way up the hill to see if I can talk sweetly to it.” The older man had a real knack with finicky pieces of machinery, coaxing them to work when they were beyond repair. Hired thirty-plus years ago by Jake’s grandfather, he’d become a permanent fixture on the place.
“I won’t keep you long, I promise.” Jake ambled toward the holding corral where a dozen horses milled quietly in the warm noontime sun. The other dozen or so were out carrying guests on one of the many scenic trails winding through the nearby mountains.
“I can spare a minute.” Gary set the keys and toolbox on the ATV’s wide seat and joined Jake at the corral. “What’s on your mind?”
“Any chance we have room for another animal?”
“Sure. You found one?”
“Not exactly.” Jake rested his forearms on the piped railing. “This one would be a boarder.”
“Hmm.” Gary raised his weathered brows. “That’s a new one. Didn’t think we were in the boarding business.”
“We’re not. The Horizon Adult Day Care Center has come by a mule and is looking for a place to keep it.” Jake didn’t need to elaborate. Gary was familiar with the center. It was located in the same small shopping plaza as the antique store co-owned by his wife and Jake’s aunt. “An old, lame mule, so I’m told.”
Gary pushed his cowboy hat back and scratched the top of his head. “What in the tarnation are they doing with a mule?”
“The Malcovitches donated it.” The reminder of Ellen’s fiancé triggered another surge of anger in Jake. He quickly suppressed it.
“Why?”
He summarized Lilly’s plan to use the mule as a teaching tool and positive influence on the center’s clients. “I haven’t decided anything yet. There are some insurance issues to resolve. And I wanted to bounce the idea off you, seeing as the work the clients do will fall under your domain.”
“Are them people up to the task? Cleaning out pens doesn’t take much know-how, but it’s physically demanding, and they gotta be able to follow directions.”
“Ms. Russo seems to think they are.” Jake’s voice involuntarily warmed when he spoke Lilly’s name.
Did Gary notice? Jake wasn’t sure how much the employees knew about his former relationship with Lilly or what conclusions they’d jumped to. Bear Creek Ranch was a small community, and as much as the family tried to minimize it, people gossiped.
“What about the guests?” Gary asked.
“Obviously, nothing the center does here can interfere in the slightest with the ranch’s operation.”
Gary nodded. The guests—their comfort and enjoyment—were his top priority. “We might want to put the mule in by himself for a while. Just to be on the safe side. Some horses take unkindly to long ears.”
“I don’t think he should be allowed on any trails, either, until we determine just how lame he is. Make sure he’s ridden only in the round pen for now.”
“Sounds like you’ve already decided.”
“No. But I will take Ms. Russo’s proposal to the family.”
Gary’s eyes twinkled with amusement. “That ought to be interesting.”
Jake didn’t dispute his statement. The Tuckers were close but they didn’t always agree on what was best for the ranch—and each other. Gary knew that better than anyone. Thirty years of working and living side by side with his employers had given him an inside track. Their relationship had recently become further entwined when Gary’s daughter had married Jake’s former brother-in-law.
“We’re meeting on Saturday,” Jake said. Pushing away from the railing, he turned toward his truck, mentally composing his argument to the family in favor of Lilly’s plan. Tax deduction and goodwill aside, it was the right thing to do. The Tuckers had a longstanding history of giving back to the community.
“I’ll have Little José ready one of the stalls,” Gary said.
“No rush.”
Jake’s words were wasted on his manager. The stall would be fit for a Kentucky Derby winner by quitting time today.
“Not that my opinion counts, but I think helping the center is a good idea.” Gary had fallen into step beside Jake. Midway between the ATV and Jake’s truck, they paused to finish their conversation. “Ms. Russo is a fine lady with a heart of gold. She works her tail off for them folks.”
“Yes, she does.”
Was that a subtle reprimand in Gary’s tone or was guilt coloring Jake’s perception? Probably a little of both.
“Lord knows some of them need a fighter on their side. It’ll be my pleasure having her around.”
Jake’s, too. More than he would’ve guessed and for reasons in no way connected to the center, its clients or an old, lame mule about to find a new home on the ranch if he had any say in the matter.
He cautioned himself to tread carefully. The reasons he’d broken off with Lilly in the first place hadn’t changed. If anything, they’d intensified. As his ex-wife’s wedding approached, his daughters were becoming more sullen and starting to act out, especially his oldest, Briana. Asking them to accept yet another change, in this case Lilly, wasn’t fair and would only make the situation worse.
Lilly had the right idea: keep things on a professional level, for everyone’s sake.
But after seeing her today, Jake knew it wouldn’t be easy.
Chapter Two
Lilly bent over the compact porcelain sink and turned the right faucet on full blast. Forming a cup with her hands, she splashed cold water on her face. A quick glance in the mirror confirmed that her efforts fell short of the desired effect. Her complexion remained as pale as when she’d woken up that morning.
With a flick of her wrist, she shut off the water, snatched a coarse paper towel from the dispenser and blotted her face dry. When she was done, she reached into her purse and removed a small bottle of antacid tablets, popping two in her mouth. She doubted they’d cure what ailed her.
Since last Thursday when she’d met with Jake, her stomach had been in a chronic state of queasiness. Despite her best efforts, her plan for the center still hadn’t come together. And at the rate things were progressing, it might never.
Keeping her word to Jake, she’d contacted the Horizon day care’s owners over the weekend, and Dave had assured her the insurance was adequate to cover clients and staff while they were visiting the ranch. Yesterday afternoon, the appropriate documentation was faxed to Jake’s office. His assistant had verified its receipt but volunteered no additional information in response to Lilly’s probing, other than to inform her that Jake would be in touch.
Lilly’s anxiety had increased when the Malcovitches called a short while ago to tell her that if she didn’t have the mule picked up by tomorrow, they were giving him to someone else. She immediately placed another phone call to Jake and received the same cryptic message from his assistant. Lilly’s nerves couldn’t take much more.
Popping a third antacid tablet, she returned the bottle to her purse and silently chided herself for letting Jake’s failure to call back upset her to the point of making her ill. He’d said he’d be in touch and he would. Jake was nothing if not dependable. All she had to do was wait.
Giving her wispy bangs a quick finger-combing, she spun on her heels, opened the bathroom door and was immediately halted in midstep. Mrs. O’Conner was right outside and standing behind her wheelchair was Georgina, the center’s head caregiver.
“Sorry.” Georgina backed up Mrs. O’Connor’s wheelchair to let Lilly pass. “She says she has to go. Now.” Georgina rolled her eyes.
Lilly understood. Mrs. O’Connor “had to go” five or six times a day, whether she truly needed to or not.
“How are you doing today, my dear?” Lilly stooped to Mrs. O’Connor’s level and laid a hand on her frail arm. “You seem sad.”
Mrs. O’Connor raised watery eyes to Lilly. “My cat’s missing.”
“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that.”
“She’s been gone three days now.” Mrs. O’Connor sniffed sorrowfully. “Such a good kitty.”
Lilly straightened but not before giving the older woman a reassuring squeeze. “I’m sure she’ll return soon.”
“I hope so.”
According to Mrs. O’Connor’s daughter, the cat had expired of old age more than a year earlier. There were days Mrs. O’Connor remembered and days she didn’t. The Horizon staff had been asked by her daughter to play along whenever the cat was mentioned.
The O’Connors were typical of the center’s clients. Caring for elderly and emotionally or physically challenged adults wasn’t always easy. Families needed breaks to run errands, attend to personal business, go to dinner or one of a thousand other things most people took for granted. If family members worked outside the home, those breaks were even more important. The Horizon Adult Day Care Center helped by providing quality care in an attractive facility and at an affordable price.
After the death of her son, Evan, and the divorce that followed, Lilly had reevaluated her priorities and decided on a change in careers. The satisfaction she derived from earning a fat paycheck and driving a nice car waned in comparison to making a difference in people’s lives. At first, she’d contemplated working with children but that would have been too difficult. When she heard about the administrative position at the Horizon Center, she knew she’d found what she was looking for. Accepting the position, she left her job at Mayo Clinic Arizona and moved from Phoenix to the considerably smaller town of Payson.
There’d been times during her thirty-two years when Lilly was happier, but never had she felt more valued or appreciated.
“Do you need any help?” she asked Georgina.
“I think we can manage.” Maneuvering Mrs. O’Connor’s wheelchair to clear the bathroom doorway, Georgina set about her task with the cheery smile that made her such an asset to the center.
“If my daughter phones about my cat, will you come get me?” Mrs. O’Connor called as the door was closed.
“Right away.”
Lilly traveled the short hall that opened into the main recreational room. There was, as usual, a flurry of activity and a cacophony of noisy chatter. She was stopped frequently—by both clients and staff members—on the way to her office, located near the main entrance.
“Lilly, Mrs. Vega has taken the TV remote again and refuses to tell me where she’s hidden it.”
“Try looking in the microwave.”
“M-M-Miss R-R-Rus-s-so. S-s-see wh-what I d-d-draw.”
“Very nice, Samuel.”
“The soda machine is out of Pepsi again.”
“You know you’re not supposed to drink caffeine, Mr. Lindenford. It makes you agitated.”
And on it went.
Lilly’s official title was administrator, which involved running the office, supervising the personnel, maintaining the financial records and overseeing customer relations. Some days, however, she felt more like a babysitter. Not that she minded.
Lilly no sooner reached the entrance to her office door and sighed with relief when she was stopped yet again.
“Is it true we’re picking up the mule tomorrow?”
She spun around. “Jimmy Bob, where did you hear that?”
The young man hung his head in shame. “Georgina told me.”
He was lying. They both knew it. Like many people with Down’s syndrome, Jimmy Bob was a sweet, kind soul with boundless energy and a quick, hearty laugh. He was also a chronic eavesdropper, sneaking quietly up and listening to conversations that weren’t any of his business. Because it was impossible for him to keep a secret, he always confessed what he’d heard, usually in the form of a lie so as not to implicate himself. Fortunately, he was also very likeable.
Lilly took pity on him. His woe-is-me expression never failed to win her over despite resolutions to the contrary.
“Sucker,” she mumbled under her breath, then said out loud, “We hope to be able to pick up the mule tomorrow. We’re not sure yet.”
“When will we be sure?”
A glance at the phone on her desk and the glaring absence of a flashing red message light made her heart sink. Jake still hadn’t called. Was he avoiding her? Had the family rejected her plan, and he was trying to think of an easy way to let her down?
“I don’t know, Jimmy Bob. By the end of today, maybe, if all goes well.”
His face broke into an enormous grin, his earlier shame evidently forgotten. “Can I ride him tomorrow? I’m a good rider. Ask my mom. She took me riding at the ranch. You know, the one with the big white barn.” He started whistling an off key rendition of the theme to Bonanza.
Bear Creek Ranch had a red barn. Jimmy Bob must be referring to Wintergreen Riding Stables, which were located about a mile outside town heading toward Phoenix.
“If we get the mule and if your mother agrees, you can ride him. But that won’t be tomorrow, honey.”
Jimmy Bob stopped whistling and his enormous smile collapsed.
“Maybe by Friday.” She patted a cheek that bore severe acne scars along with the slightest hint of facial hair. “I promise, when we finally take our first trip to see the mule, you’ll go with us.”
She meant what she’d said. If Jake agreed, they would need their more able-bodied clients to keep Horizon’s end of the bargain. Jimmy Bob wasn’t only enthusiastic, he was strong and fit and cooperative. Other clients, like Samuel, weren’t capable of performing any chores but would be able to interact with the mule, possibly ride it while being led around a ring.
Jimmy Bob’s smile showed signs of reemerging.
“Would you do me a favor?” Lilly asked.
He bobbed his head.
“Go to the supply closet and bring me a ream of paper, okay?”
He shot off to do her bidding. Lilly didn’t really need a ream of paper. She had two stacked beside her printer from previous attempts to distract Jimmy Bob.
Sitting at her desk, she debated placing another call to Jake and was startled when the phone rang. It was answered by Gayle who was currently manning the welcome desk in the main room. The four to five caregivers always on duty took turns at the desk, rotating every hour or so. Ten seconds later when the caller wasn’t put through to her, Lilly gave up hope that it was Jake.
She lifted a manila folder from a wire rack on the corner of her desk and withdrew the monthly bank statements. Normally, she could reconcile a bank statement in her sleep, but today the numbers refused to add up. Her chronic indigestion wasn’t helping matters. How long until those damn antacids kicked in?
How long until Jake called?
Lilly jumped to her feet. It wasn’t quite lunchtime, but she couldn’t tolerate the waiting anymore. A break from the center might be the perfect remedy to settle her nerves. She stopped at the welcome desk to inform Gayle that she was leaving.
But Gayle forestalled her. “Any chance you can postpone lunch a few minutes?”
“Why?” Lilly inquired.
She inclined her head in the direction of the front door. Lilly turned to see Jake striding across the room straight toward her.
JAKE SENSED every pair of eyes on him but he didn’t react.
Activity and chatter ceased by degrees until the hiss of a wheelchair-bound woman’s portable oxygen tank was the only sound in the room. Three people abruptly leapt out of their seats to trail his every move, like predators stalking prey. He looked behind him and smiled. One of the trio, a young man, smiled back. The other two glared openly. Jake was an experienced businessman and accustomed to holding his own under pressure. But for some reason, his confidence wavered, and he didn’t like it.
“Good morning, Lilly,” he said when he reached her.
“Hi, Jake.”
“Are you all right?”
“I’m fine.”
She didn’t appear fine. Fatigue shadowed her eyes and when she first caught sight of him, her cheeks had paled. Shock at seeing him? He supposed he should have called first. But the family trust attorney’s office was only a few minutes away, and since a signature was required on the contract, Jake had decided to stop in and deliver it in person.
His self-appointed security detail crowded in around them. Jake shifted, resisting the urge to tug on his suddenly tight shirt collar. If Lilly noticed, she gave no indication.
“Is there somewhere we can talk?” Glancing around, he added, “Alone.”
“Come with me.” She motioned for him to follow. His security detail came, too. Once he and Lilly had crossed the threshold into her office, she informed the group to “Wait here” and shut the door on their unhappy faces. “Sorry,” she told Jake. “New visitors always create a stir. They weren’t intentionally ganging up on you.”
“No problem.” When she didn’t stop scrutinizing him, he added, “Really.”
“Don’t be embarrassed. Special-needs individuals often make people feel ill at ease.”
“I’m not ill at ease.”
She didn’t believe him. He could tell by her narrowed eyes.
Could it be true? Jake didn’t consider himself a snob but the fact was, he’d had little interaction with “special-needs” people other than his grandfather. Jake had been away at college during most of Grandpa Walter’s decline and, as a result, missed the worst of it.
“I’m—” he started to say ignorant then changed it to “—inexperienced.”
“You’re not alone.” She didn’t act offended at his remark. Quite the contrary. “Would you like a tour of the facility?” Pride rang in her voice. “You’re our landlord, after all, and I don’t think you’ve seen the place since I took over.”
What she said was true. With the exception of his aunt’s antique store located in the same plaza, Jake rarely dropped by his tenants’ businesses. Not unless there was a problem, which wasn’t the case here. And during the short time he and Lilly had dated he had always picked her up at her house rather than work. He’d told himself it was a matter of convenience for both of them, as most of their outings took place in town. Now he wondered if he hadn’t been unconsciously keeping their relationship from progressing by avoiding her work and the ranch.
“Thanks, but I can’t.” He hated disappointing Lilly. She obviously loved the center and showing it off. “I’m meeting someone for lunch, and I only have a few minutes.” As if a switch had been flicked, she sobered, and Jake didn’t know why. Had he insulted her by declining her offer of a tour? He certainly hadn’t meant to.
“Please, sit.” Lilly gestured at the visitor’s chair facing her desk.
“I’d rather stand if you don’t mind. I’ve been sitting all morning and will be again all afternoon.”
Her office had a glass window opening out to the main room. He turned to face it, and a dozen heads swivelled to stare at him. The young man who’d smiled earlier waved exuberantly. Without thinking, Jake raised his hand in return.
“Did you get the insurance certificate we faxed over?” Lilly asked.
“Yes. It’s exactly what we needed.” He stepped away from the window and held out the envelope he’d been carrying. “Our attorney also suggested we draw up a contract.”
“Does that mean…” She took the envelope and turned it over in her hands. “Has the family agreed?”
“For once, we were completely unanimous.” Jake hadn’t needed to twist one arm or press a single point. “I didn’t tell you earlier because I couldn’t meet with our attorney until this morning.”
“Oh, wow.” Lilly’s face, always so expressive, lit up. “I can’t believe it.”
Her delight was contagious, and he chuckled. “There are one or two conditions you should know about.”
“Oh?”
Jake sobered. He hadn’t yet determined how he felt about the stipulations the attorney had insisted on putting in the contract. “As you can imagine, liability is our main concern. Our attorney suggested that someone in charge, specifically you or the owner, accompany the clients on their visits. At least for the first several months until we determine how well the program is going.”
“I doubt Dave can go. He and his wife commute regularly to Apache Junction where they just opened a second center.”
“Then I guess it’ll have to be you.”
He could see the uncertainty in her eyes and wondered if she harbored the same doubts he did about the prospect of them constantly running into each other at the ranch.
“Okay.” She nodded resignedly. “Whatever it takes.”
“You sure?”
“Positive.” She relaxed. “I’m not about to let a few scheduling conflicts get in the way of this program.”
“I’m glad.”
“Thank you, Jake.” Setting the envelope on her desk, she took a step toward him, and hesitated. Then, evidently going with her first instincts, she closed the distance between them. “Thank you so much.”
Before he could say anything, she linked her arms around his shoulders. He automatically returned the hug and was instantly lost when she laid her head in the crook of his neck. They had, after all, done this before. Often.
He might have gone on holding her, might have let himself enjoy the memories her nearness evoked, if not for a loud bang on the window. Lilly gasped and sprang back. Jake swung around to see what had caused the noise.
One—no, make that two dozen—of the center’s clients and staff stood crowded outside the window, some with their noses or fingertips against the glass.
“Are we getting the mule?” The young man’s muffled shout barely penetrated the insulated window.
Lilly nodded, fidgeting nervously. Her previously pale cheeks shone a vivid red.
Their audience cheered. Lilly motioned for them to go on about their business. Her order went unheeded. “Now,” she mouthed, and still no one moved.
Jake couldn’t help himself and laughed.
“This isn’t funny,” Lilly scolded and retreated behind her desk.
He could see her point, though for a moment or two, it had been nice holding her.
“What next?” she asked him and glowered at the window. Some of their audience had fortunately dispersed. The rest ignored her silent warning and remained glued to the spot.
“You and Dave review the contract. If it meets with your approval, sign it and send it to my office.”
“What about the mule?”
“I’ll arrange to have him picked up, unless you have access to a truck and horse trailer.”
“We don’t.”
“Is tomorrow early enough? I remember you said you were in a hurry.”
“Tomorrow’s perfect. I’ll let the Malcovitches know.”
The reference to his ex-wife’s fiancé’s family didn’t generate nearly the anger it usually did. If anything, Jake felt good. Damn good. His charitable deed accounted for some of his elevated mood. He suspected Lilly’s hug was responsible for the rest.
“I have to leave. I’m late for my meeting.”
“I’ll walk you out.” She came around from behind the shelter of her desk.
At the entrance to the center, he got another hug. This one, however, was from the young man who’d waved. Not Lilly.
JAKE WATCHED Lilly’s long legs emerge from the open car door. Her delicate shoes were sexy as hell and completely inappropriate for traipsing around a stable. Her wool slacks weren’t much better. At least she’d had the sense to wear a warm coat. She must have flown out the door and sped the entire drive from Payson, considering what good time she’d made.
“Is that him?” she asked. Breathless and eager, she tentatively approached the mule tied to the hitching post in front of the barn. Her long black hair, usually twisted in a braid or gathered in a ponytail, fell loose around her shoulders, framing her face and emphasizing her large brown eyes.
“It is.” Jake couldn’t look away. Only after he’d stared his fill did he invite her to come and stand by him. Together, they turned their attention to the ranch’s newest boarder and the man standing beside him. “That’s Doc Mosby. He’s giving the mule a quick examination.”
“He’s not sick?”
“Just a precaution.” Jake stooped to pick up an empty feed bucket and set it on one of the grain barrels. “Our attorney suggested the mule be vet-checked on arrival and regularly after that, since he’s lame.”
“Oh.” Lilly observed the vet at work, her brow knitted with worry. “Did you receive the contract?”
“Our attorney’s still reviewing the changes your boss made.”
“Oh,” she said regretfully. “I was hoping to get started by Friday.”
“Even if the contract’s not finalized, you can bring a small group on Friday morning to see the mule and tour the stables.”
“Not to sound ungrateful because I truly appreciate this, but how big is small?”
“No more than six clients at a time.”
“Another of your attorney’s suggestions?”
“Don’t be mad. It’s his job to watch out for the family and the ranch.”
“I’m not mad. If six is our limit, then that’s what we’ll bring.”
The vet was bent over, one of the mule’s hooves braced between his legs. Using a pick, he dug around inside the hoof. Jake and Gary had their own suspicions about what had caused the animal’s lameness. It would be interesting to see if the vet also concluded it was a deformity.
“Doc Mosby was out here anyway to examine one of our pregnant mares,” Jake explained to Lilly. “I’ll just have him add the charge for Big Ben to his bill. Your clients can work it off, along with the other expenses.”
“Big Ben?”
“That’s the mule’s name.”
A smile touched the corners of Lilly’s mouth. “It fits.”
Jake agreed. The mule stood as tall as any of his horses and was considerably wider than most. “My guess is his mother was a draft horse.”
“What kind?”
“A Belgian. They’re similar to the Budweiser Clydesdales you see in the TV commercials, only sorrel.”
“And sorrel is?”
“The color of his coat. A kind of red like Big Ben. Clydesdales are usually a darker shade of brown.”
She sighed miserably and shook her head. “I think I might’ve gotten myself in over my head. Everything I know about horses and mules could fit into a thimble.”
“You’ll do fine.” He smiled encouragingly. “And we have plenty of experienced ranch hands around to help.”
“I hope it wasn’t too much of an inconvenience to pick up Big Ben today,” she said, changing the subject to a safer one.
“Not at all. I sent Little José.”
“Make sure you add that expense to the others.” She gave a small laugh. “At this rate, we’ll be here every day for a year working off our bill.”
Against his better judgment, Jake was liking their arrangement more and more. He seized the chance to study her while her attention was on Doc Mosby and the mule.
At the time of their breakup, Jake had been completely positive that continuing their relationship was a mistake. He liked Lilly and hadn’t wanted to string her along when there was no hope whatsoever for a future together.
That hadn’t been his initial feeling, though. In the beginning, their dating arrangement had been exactly the enjoyable distraction he’d needed to take his mind off his ex-wife’s engagement and help him move on. But things had quickly become complicated, in large part because of his daughters, although they weren’t the only obstacle.
Once he and Lilly became intimate, the complications increased. Not because there was anything wrong with the sex. Quite the opposite, in fact. But Lilly didn’t give herself to just anyone. Sex came with a commitment from her and him.
Jake had held her in his arms after they made love that last time, stared into those gorgeous brown eyes that brimmed with hope and expectation and realized, with a sinking heart, that he couldn’t offer her what she wanted, what she needed. Not anytime soon. To continue as they were would have been unfair to Lilly. So, instead of postponing the inevitable, he had broken up with her the following day, telling himself he’d done it for her sake.
But after their meeting in his office last week, it had occurred to him that his actions weren’t entirely noble and were calculated to spare him grief, not her.
“Good boy.” Doc Mosby dropped Big Ben’s hoof and patted his round rump, then came over to chat with Jake and Lilly.
“Lilly, this is our vet, Dr. Greg Mosby,” Jake said. “Lilly Russo is the administrator of the adult day care center that owns the mule.”
“Nice to meet you.” Doc Mosby pulled a handkerchief from his back pocket and wiped his hands before shaking Lilly’s.
“What do you think?” Jake asked.
“Well, I’d say he’s in pretty good shape overall. A little fat—” Doc Mosby patted his protruding stomach “—but aren’t we all? I suspect he’s been standing in a pen too long. Exercise should shave off a few of those extra pounds.”
“How lame is he?”
“Some. Corrective shoeing will help. He was born with a slight deformity to his right front hoof, and it’s gotten worse with age. It causes his foot to turn in.” Doc Mosby demonstrated with his hand.
“A birth defect?” Lilly’s interest was visibly piqued, which, in turn, piqued Jake’s.
Doc Mosby grinned. “I reckon you could call it that.”
“If you want to return him to the Malcovitches—”
“No, no!” Lilly cut Jake short. “He’s perfect for us. A mule with a birth defect helping people who are themselves physically challenged.”
“Have your farrier insert a leather wedge between the shoe and the hoof,” Doc Mosby explained. “It should straighten the hoof and reduce the pain.”
“Can he be ridden before then?”
“I wouldn’t recommend it.”
Lilly’s smile dimmed.
Jake touched her arm. “I’ll call the farrier, have him come out here Friday morning. That way, the people in your program can watch Big Ben being shoed firsthand.”
She instantly brightened. “Oh, that would be wonderful!”
Clapping the vet on the shoulder, Jake gestured at Gary with his other hand. “You ready to look at that mare?”
“Sure.”
Gary, who’d been standing nearby, took charge of the vet, leaving Jake alone with Lilly.
“Is it all right for me to pet Big Ben?” she asked.
“Would you like to walk him to his stall?”
“Yes!”
Jake went over and untied the mule’s lead rope. Big Ben ambled obediently alongside Jake, his large feet clip-clopping in the dirt.
“Here.”
She took the rope. Bunching it in her fingers, she gazed up at Jake. “What now?”
“You walk, he follows.”
“Just like that?”
“With him. Not so with all horses or mules. But this guy’s a teddy bear.”
“I walk.” She took a tentative step.
“That’s it.”
“He’s not following.”
“Keep going.”
She did. The heels of her completely inappropriate shoes wobbled and dust coated her expensive slacks. Big Ben finally extended one foot and lifted his huge head to snuffle her hair.
“Hey! That tickles.” Lilly raised her hand, not to push the animal away but to stroke his nose.
Big Ben snorted and nuzzled her cheek, clearly enamored.
He wasn’t the only one.
Jake found himself attracted to Lilly all over again.
He would have to watch himself closely in the coming weeks and months. Lilly deserved more than he could give her. She deserved a man ready, willing and able to commit.
Chapter Three
“Put your seat belt back on, Jimmy Bob.”
“But we’re here.”
Lilly turned around and gave the young man a hard stare. She sat in the front passenger seat of the center’s specially modified van. Beside her, driving the van, was Georgina. The student volunteer accompanying them sat in the rear.
“Not yet,” Lilly told Jimmy Bob. “We just pulled in to the ranch entrance. The stable is another mile from here.”
Jimmy Bob rarely rebelled but he did so today, his normally cherubic face set in stone, his arms folded. Lilly attributed his stubbornness to excitement. Since he’d learned yesterday morning that he’d be one of the six people accompanying Lilly on the center’s first trip to see Big Ben, he’d been bouncing off the walls. His high-strung behavior earned him frequent reprimands from the staff members and his family. This morning, he’d reached emotional overload, becoming surly and rebellious. Not uncommon behavior for individuals with Down’s syndrome.
Lilly couldn’t allow Jimmy Bob to ignore the rules, today or any other day. Anyone riding in the van obeyed them or wasn’t permitted to go on the next outing.
“Pull over,” she said.
Georgina slowed and eased the vehicle safely to the side of the bumpy dirt road. She knew the drill, and once they were stopped, she put the van in Park and shut off the ignition.
“Damn it to hell, Jimmy Bob,” the woman sitting beside him shrieked. “Put your freakin’ seat belt on.”
“Don’t swear, Miranda,” Lilly scolded.
“He’s screwin’ it up for everybody.” Jimmy Bob’s seatmate clutched the sides of her head in an exaggerated display of theatrics. A lock of wildly curly hair had come loose from her ponytail and stuck up like a rooster’s comb.
“Jimmy Bob,” Lilly implored in a tone that was midway between firm and coaxing.
“Can I ride the mule first?”
“We’re not riding Big Ben today. The farrier has to put new shoes on him.”
“When we do get to ride the mule, can I be first?”
“Oh, puleeze!” Miranda banged her head repeatedly against the padded rest behind her. “Quit being such a damn baby.”
“Miranda. You’re not helping.” Lilly aimed a warning finger at her.
Miranda slapped a hand over her mouth to muffle her groan.
Lilly cautioned herself to remain calm. Though her patience was often tested by the people in her care, she hardly ever lost it. Had her son lived, she would’ve made a good mother.
Her throat closed abruptly and tears stung her eyes. Lilly didn’t know why. It had taken a while, but in the two and a half years since Evan’s death, she’d finally stopped crying at every reminder of him.
“What’s wrong, Miss Russo?” Jimmy Bob didn’t miss a thing.
“Nothing.”
He grabbed his seat belt and buckled it. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you mad at me.”
“I’m not mad.” She smiled at him, still fighting her unexpected weepiness. What had come over her today and why?
She wondered if seeing Jake so often lately and the memories stirred by those encounters had anything to do with her fragile mood. Lilly had come to care deeply for him during the six weeks they’d dated, which was why she’d pressured him for a greater commitment, ultimately triggering their breakup. And as much as she’d wished things could be different, she was afraid her feelings for him were as strong as ever.
Visiting the ranch two or three times a week wasn’t going to be easy and made her wish that her boss was around more to share the responsibility.
Georgina started the van and pulled back onto the road.
“It’s about freakin’ time,” Miranda exclaimed, flinging her arms every which way.
Lilly didn’t react to the outburst, which was done solely to attract attention. She spent the rest of the drive preoccupied with her own thoughts. Maybe Jake wouldn’t be there. He’d informed her that his manager, Gary Forrester, would oversee their visits and the chores they performed.
She’d just about convinced herself that the likelihood of running into Jake was nil when the stables came into sight—and so did his familiar pickup truck.
Lilly’s heart involuntarily raced. With anticipation, not dread.
Georgina parked next to Jake’s truck. Jimmy Bob was first out the door. No surprise there. Lilly went around to the side of the van and, along with Georgina and the student volunteer, helped the remaining five clients out.
“Stay together.”
She’d gone over the rules with each of them repeatedly. Nonetheless, she anticipated disobedience. Jimmy Bob didn’t disappoint her.
“Look! There’s the mule.”
“Jimmy Bob, come back!
Big Ben was tied to the same hitching post as the previous day. Tail swishing, he stood calmly, demonstrating what Lilly hoped was a personality ideally suited to her clients. He didn’t so much as blink when Jimmy Bob came charging at him.
“Hey! Don’t ever run up to an animal like that. You’ll get yourself kicked.”
The reprimand came from a teenage, female version of Jake. His oldest daughter, Briana. Lilly recognized her from the Labor Day cookout at the ranch. The girl cut in front of Jimmy Bob before he reached the mule. The young man came to a grinding, almost comical, halt.
“Just because an animal looks calm,” Briana scolded Jimmy Bob with an authority beyond her years, “doesn’t mean he is. Be careful.”
He gazed down at her, slack-jawed.
“Did you hear me?”
“You’re pretty.”
She shook her head and huffed in exasperation. “Come on,” she said after a moment. “I’ll introduce you to Big Ben.”
Jimmy Bob followed like a devoted puppy.
Lilly considered intervening, then decided against it. Jake’s daughter seemed capable of handling herself, and while Jimmy Bob might be stubborn sometimes, he was trustworthy and didn’t have a mean bone in his body.
“Are you ready, Mr. Deitrich?” Lilly shoved the sliding van door closed after the elderly man had climbed out.
“Where are we?” He gazed around in obvious confusion.
“Bear Creek Ranch. Remember? We’re here to visit our mule, Big Ben.”
“There are no mules at Gold Canyon,” he scoffed. “Everyone knows the old man won’t have the sorry beasts. Claims they scare the cows.”
“We’re not at Gold Canyon Ranch.” She grasped his arm securely and guided him toward the mule, where the rest of their group had gathered to gape in awe. At a respectable distance, thanks to Briana. “We’re at Bear Creek Ranch.”
Mr. Deitrich had Alzheimer’s disease. It began when he was in his early sixties and, sadly, progressed rapidly. During his youth, he’d worked on a cattle ranch in Wyoming. His wife hoped the familiar setting of stables and horses would stimulate him mentally and possibly improve his condition.
Lilly didn’t know if it would work, but was more than willing to try. As the only adult day care center of its kind in town and with a wide variety of client needs, Dave and the staff were open to any new ideas and approaches. It was one of the reasons Lilly had fought so hard for Big Ben.
“Does anyone know the difference between a horse, a donkey and a mule?” Briana stood with a hand on Big Ben’s neck, conducting class. “No? Well, a mule has a donkey father and a horse mother.”
“She’s always liked being in the spotlight.”
Lilly whirled around to find Jake standing behind her and sputtered a startled, “Hi.”
“I hope you don’t mind Briana helping. She’s off school today for some reason.”
“Not at all.” Lilly tried to focus on the teenager and not her father, who, like Lilly, stood to the side.
Briana was so much like Jake, in looks and mannerisms and personality. She even pursed her lips in concentration the same way he did before answering the many questions her audience threw at her. Clearly she was knowledgeable about horses and happy to share that knowledge with others. Jake must have been very proud of his oldest. Lilly certainly would be if Briana were her daughter.
Suddenly a lump formed in the back of Lilly’s throat and tears pricked her eyes. She blinked to counter the effect. What in the world was wrong with her today? Feeling vulnerable and not understanding why, Lilly hugged herself hard—only to let go with a small gasp that Jake fortunately didn’t hear.
Her breasts hurt. A lot.
How strange was that? She’d noticed a tenderness this morning when she’d put on her bra but forgot about it in the next instant. Casting a sideways glance at Jake, she hugged herself again. Her breasts were definitely sore.
She must be having a raging case of PMS, she decided. That would explain her weepiness and the mild off-and-on stomach upset she’d been experiencing. Or maybe her birth control prescription needed adjusting. She hadn’t responded well initially to the pill she was on and required several dosage modifications. What other explanation could there be?
Unless she was pregnant…
“Here comes the farrier,” Jake said, nodding at an old pickup truck rumbling down the road.
Lilly composed herself and muttered, “Great.” Swallowing did nothing to relieve the dryness in her mouth.
She couldn’t be pregnant. It simply wasn’t possible. She was on the pill and Jake had used condoms. Well, except for that one time when they’d gotten carried away in the hot tub at his house. But it shouldn’t matter; the pill was nearly one-hundred-percent effective if taken every day, which she did without exception.
There had to be another explanation. Besides, she’d had her period a couple of weeks ago. Granted, it was a few days late and lighter than normal, but still a period. She’d even endured her usual cramping the day or two before.
“Who’s ready for a tour of the stables?” Briana’s question was met with great enthusiasm from everyone, especially Jimmy Bob, who was glued to her side. “Okay then, stay together. No wandering off. And no talking to the guests.”
Lilly knew she should go with the group but her feet refused to obey her brain’s command. When Jake tapped her on the shoulder, she practically jumped out of her skin.
“I’m going to talk to the farrier. Be back in a few minutes.”
“Sure.” She smiled weakly.
Watching Jake stride off, she decided that if she didn’t feel better by tomorrow, she’d call her doctor and make an appointment. Another change in dosage, another switch to a different brand of pill and she’d be back to her old self.
She continued to delude herself for the rest of the morning and several days after that until it became impossible.
“HOW COULD THIS have happened?”
“The pill isn’t infallible. And you only began taking it shortly before becoming intimate.”
“He used a condom.” Most of the time.
“They break. Leak. Come off.”
“You’ve seen my records, you know my history. Before Evan, I had two stillbirths. One at five and a half months, the other at seven.” Lilly’s voice rose in pitch with each sentence she uttered.
Her doctor’s voice, on the other hand, remained calm. “One thing you have to remember, Lilly, is this baby has a different father. The trisomy disorder that affected your previous children may have been a fluke combination of your DNA with your ex-husband’s.”
Lilly lifted her head, which had been propped in her hand, to meet Dr. Thea Paul’s intense yet compassionate gaze. She liked the ob/gyn, who was a plain old small-town doctor and not a specialist in some obscure field of medicine Lilly didn’t understand. She’d certainly had her fill of those back in Phoenix.
“I’m the carrier.” She sniffed and wiped her damp cheeks. The emotions she’d been attempting to hold at bay over-whelmed her, and she blubbered, “That’s what the other doctors told us.”
Her fault the babies died. Her corrupt DNA.
It was why she’d vowed never to get pregnant again, why she was so diligent about birth control—at least, she’d meant to be diligent.
Dr. Paul got up from her chair, came around her desk and sat in the chair adjacent to Lilly’s. She took Lilly’s hand in hers. “Science and medicine aren’t exact. I’m sure the other doctors explained your odds of having a healthy baby.”
“Fifty-fifty. But that’s not how it turned out.” The chromosomal abnormality Lilly had passed on to her babies occurred only in males.
“Nature isn’t exact, either,” Dr. Paul said.
“I had my period.” Lilly still resisted.
“Spotting, even heavy spotting, in the first trimester is common and can be confused with menstrual flow.”
She wasn’t reassured. Spotting and cramps had plagued her other three pregnancies. Accepting the tissue Dr. Paul offered, she blew her nose.
“This is all so…unexpected and…upsetting.” She sobbed quietly. “God, you must think I’m a terrible person. All your other patients are probably thrilled to learn they’re pregnant.”
“Of course I don’t think you’re terrible,” Dr. Paul said soothingly. “You’ve been through a lot and have every reason to worry about the health of your baby. There are several tests you can have that will determine—”
“No tests. They’re too risky.”
“Some are, that’s true, but they can help you make an informed decision.”
Lilly had heard of two patients at the hospital where she’d worked who’d miscarried after having amniocentesis. “There’s only one decision to make. I’m having the baby.”
Lilly’s personal beliefs wouldn’t allow her to terminate her pregnancy. It had been a contentious issue between her and Brad and a contributing factor to their divorce. When she became pregnant a second time, he’d insisted she undergo every available test.
She did as he’d asked. The results had revealed that the baby, also a boy, suffered from the same genetic disorder as his brother. After much pressure, Lilly succumbed to her husband’s wishes and went so far as to schedule the termination but changed her mind at the last minute, to her husband’s fury. For two long, agonizing months she carried the baby, knowing his chances of survival were slim to none but praying for a miracle.
The stillbirth broke her heart and nearly shattered her spirit.
With Evan, she’d stood her ground and refused all testing. What was the point when an abortion was out of the question? Fear and anxiety were her constant companion during that third pregnancy but so was hope for a girl and a different outcome. She wouldn’t trade that feeling for the world, then and now.
“Your decision, of course.” Dr. Paul squeezed Lilly’s fingers. “And you can always change your mind later on.”
“I won’t.”
Dr. Paul reached for Lilly’s paperwork and made some notations. “You feel strongly now, which is understandable. That may change, however, when you talk to the baby’s father.”
Jake!
Lilly had been so busy the last few days denying the possibility of pregnancy, she hadn’t considered what to tell him. Admitting her condition would be bad enough, especially when she’d assured him she’d been using birth control. Admitting the fact that their baby could be born deformed—if she even carried to term—was unimaginable. And grossly unfair to Jake. She knew firsthand the difficulties and potential agony facing them. He didn’t. Worse, she was taking away his choice in the matter by choosing to have the baby regardless of his feelings.
“I can’t tell him.” She swallowed another sob. “Not yet.”
“I’m your physician,” Dr. Paul said. “It’s not my place to advise you on personal matters. But as the father, he does have a right to know about the baby.”
For one wild second, Lilly contemplated hiding her pregnancy from Jake. Then she remembered her agreement to accompany the center’s clients on their visits to Bear Creek Ranch. He was no stranger to pregnant women and no dummy. He’d eventually figure out her condition and realize he was the father.
“I need some time before I make any announcements.” There was so much to consider. Her job. Her family. The expenses not covered by her health insurance. Astronomical medical bills had also contributed greatly to her marital problems with her ex-husband.
And then there was Jake.
Lilly started to rise. Her unsteady legs refused to support her, and she immediately dropped back into the chair.
“That’s a good idea. And do think about the tests. I would be remiss in my duties if I didn’t advise you to have them.” Dr. Paul handed Lilly several sheets of paper. “Take these to the front desk. The nurse will call in your prescription for prenatal vitamins.”
“Thank you.” Lilly tried again to stand and managed it this time.
“Since you’re a high-risk pregnancy, I’d like to see you every two weeks if your schedule allows it.”
Lilly nodded and stumbled out of Dr. Paul’s office. She paid her bill, scheduled her next appointment and gave the nurse the name and phone number of her pharmacy, all in a daze. The ground blurred on her walk across the parking lot to her car. She was barely aware of the return drive to the center and was surprised to find herself parked in her reserved space.
Sitting behind the steering wheel, she waited before leaving the car. Carefully, as if the slightest touch might harm the life growing inside her, she rested a hand on her abdomen.
Another baby. The last thing in the world she wanted, and, at the same time, the one thing she wanted with a longing that bordered on desperation.
A tiny seed of hope took root inside her. Was Dr. Paul right? Would this baby be born normal because the father was someone different? The tiny seed anchored itself more securely and began to blossom, filling Lilly with something she hadn’t felt since her first pregnancy.
Joy.
A smile curved the corners of her mouth. The sigh escaping her lips was one of contentment, not despair. With a sense of elation, she opened the door and stepped out of the car.
She’d done no more than place one foot on the asphalt when the first cramp hit. The second was so severe, Lilly doubled over. Her breath came in spurts.
“Oh, God,” she cried to herself. “Not again.” Then, in a whisper, she pleaded, “Please don’t take this baby from me, too.”
Chapter Four
Jake looked up just as the beam from a pair of headlights cut across his kitchen window. Ellen was dropping off the girls for their regular Wednesday-night dinner—late as usual. He didn’t have to worry that she’d come inside. His ex-wife avoided him if at all possible these days, for which he was grateful.
He’d no sooner taken dinner from the oven than the girls tumbled through the back door. In the next instant, their lively antics filled the room, and Jake’s loneliness vanished.
“Cheese pizza!” LeAnne shouted and ran immediately to the table, where Jake had set out paper plates and napkins.
“What? No hug?”
His youngest fled the chair she’d been ready to occupy and bounded into his arms. At seven, she was mostly arms and legs and long auburn hair that refused to stay out of her face. Briana and his middle daughter, Kayla, quickly followed suit.
Jake cherished his girls and had bent over backward to preserve his relationship with them during his divorce from their mother. At the time, it had rankled to give in to Ellen’s outrageous demands, especially since she’d cheated on him, not the other way around. Now he was relieved that Ellen was unable to engage him in her petty power plays.
“Who else besides LeAnne is hungry?” Jake reluctantly released his children.
“Me.” Kayla scrambled to beat her sisters to the table.
Jake cut the pizza into slices and served it. He wasn’t much of a cook, usually taking his meals with either employees or guests in the spacious dining hall. After the divorce, he’d learned to prepare simple meals for himself and his daughters. Kayla and Briana were both picky eaters—Kayla hated vegetables and Briana didn’t eat meat—which made the task a daunting one at times.
“How’s school?” he asked once they were all seated.
His question earned him a round of frowns and one dismal head shake.
“You always ask the same thing,” LeAnne objected.
“I’m interested.” Jake washed his pizza down with a glass of fruit punch, something the younger girls loved and he tolerated.
“Mom’s taking me into Payson tomorrow after school to get my learner’s permit.”
At Briana’s announcement, Jake choked. He’d known this day was coming but it still took him by surprise. “Driving? You’re only fifteen!”
“Fifteen and seven months. Which is when I can legally get my permit.”
“Can I ride with Briana?” Kayla piped up.
“Absolutely not.” Jake massaged a throbbing temple. When had his baby girl become old enough to drive? “Maybe I should go with you.”
“It’s all right. You don’t have to.”
Briana was being too blasé, a sure sign of something amiss. “I want to go,” he said, applying pressure with the skill of an experienced parent. “It’s a big day for you.”
“What about work?” Panic widened her eyes.
Eyes, he suddenly noticed, made to look larger by mascara, their lids faintly tinted with blue shadow. He didn’t recall giving Briana permission to wear makeup. Obviously, her mother hadn’t seen the need to consult him on the matter.
“I’ll leave early,” he answered, searching for other unwanted signs of maturity, like piercings and tattoos and hickeys on her neck. Fortunately, there were none, or else she wouldn’t be getting her learner’s permit for another ten years.
“Really, Dad. It’s okay.”
He recognized that tone. Whenever he heard it, a sour taste filled the back of his mouth. “Travis is going,” he said flatly. “Isn’t he?”
All three girls stopped eating in midbite. Briana stared at her plate, guilt written all over her face.
Jake set his paper napkin on the table although he would’ve preferred to pound his fist against the unyielding surface. His ex-wife’s fiancé was accompanying his daughter to get her learner’s permit. The son of a bitch. Where did he get off? He wasn’t Briana’s father. He wasn’t even her stepfather. Not yet.
“Please, Daddy.” Briana’s voice fell to a whisper.
Translation: Don’t ruin this for me.
“No. I’m sorry, honey.” Jake could stomach a fair amount of insult but he drew the line at this.
“You promised I could get my permit as soon as I was old enough. And I’ve been studying for the test.”
Though he recollected no such promise, he didn’t dispute his daughter. Obtaining her learner’s permit wasn’t the issue. Rather, it was who went with her to the Department of Motor Vehicles. Or, more correctly, who didn’t go with her.
“Fine, you can get it tomorrow.”
“I can?”
“As long as Travis doesn’t go with you. Your mother can take you. Alone,” he stressed. “Or I will.”
“Then you can take me.” Briana’s anxiety fled in an instant. She didn’t care who went with her, only that she got to go.
“I’ll call your mother and tell her.”
Jake knew it wasn’t fair of him to put Briana on the spot like this, yet he’d do it again in a heartbeat. Travis might be sleeping in Jake’s bed but he sure as hell wasn’t about to usurp Jake’s place at his daughter’s side during those all-important milestones.
“And I’d really prefer that only your mother or I give you driving lessons. Our insurance doesn’t cover Travis.”
“Yes, sir,” Briana answered, cheerful once more. “I really didn’t want him to go anyway.”
In another moment, all three girls were eating and chatting as if no tense words had been spoken.
“What are you doing Friday after school?”
“I’m going to Mindy’s for a sleepover,” LeAnne said after a sip of fruit punch that left a pink mustache above her upper lip.
“I have an orthodontist appointment.” Kayla peeled back her lips to show off her recently acquired braces.
Jake had foolishly hoped his daughters would be free and that he could squeeze in an extra visit this week. So much for spontaneity.
“What about you, Briana? We could have a driving lesson around the ranch. Early, before it gets dark.”
“I…um…” She snapped her mouth shut, her indecision plain as day.
“Never mind,” Jake grumbled. If she was going somewhere else with her mother and Travis, he didn’t want to hear about it.
“She’s giving riding instructions to those funny people with the mule,” LeAnne piped up.
“Don’t call them funny,” Briana retorted hotly.
“Your sister’s right, sweetie. That’s not very nice.”
LeAnne glanced around the table in a bid for support. “Well, they are.”
Jake didn’t know what baffled him more. Briana sacrificing her precious social time to work with Lilly’s clients, or her quick and emotional defense of them.
“That’s very good of you. I’m sure they appreciate it.” Of his three daughters, his oldest was the only one to take a real interest in horses and the ranch.
“She spends practically every day there,” LeAnne said with the conspiratorial demeanor of someone revealing a secret.
“Really?”
Jake hadn’t been to the stables to check on Lilly’s group in over a week. Not since last Tuesday when she’d acted so odd. He’d shown up, determined to be friendly and courteous, but drawing the line there. She’d appeared equally determined to avoid him and did everything from making flimsy excuses to turning on her heel and changing direction when she saw him coming. He eventually got the hint and made his own excuse to return to the office.
He hadn’t spoken to her since, although he knew from Gary’s reports that she’d accompanied her clients the required number of times as stipulated in their agreement.
What had brought about the sudden change in her? Had she sensed his lingering interest and decided to put a halt to it before things heated up again? If that was true, she had good reason to avoid him. He’d hurt her badly and too recently for her to have fully recovered.
Unless it was the other way around.
Could her abrupt retreat be because she had a renewed interest in him and didn’t want to risk more heartache? While that scenario was somewhat tempting, he knew better than to consider it even for a moment.
“So I like giving riding instructions,” Briana said, her tone defensive. “What’s wrong with that?”
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