Be With Me
J. Lynn
From the bestselling author of WAIT FOR YOU, prepare to be blown away by her next New Adult story of love, lust and longingThere are a lot of reasons why Teresa and Jase should steer clear of each other…Firstly, Teresa is Jase’s best friend’s little sister – and Jase has a pretty good idea of how Cam will feel about anyone messing her around.Secondly, Teresa’s dreams of being a dancer have just been put on hold – maybe permanently. The last thing she needs is a player like Jase distracting her when she needs to find direction.Thirdly, Jase has a secret. A big one. And he’s not ready to risk sharing it with anyone apart from the people closest to his heart.But there is one electric reason why they can’t stay away from each other…
Dedicated to my brother,
who shares a birthday with Be With Me release day.
Happy Birthday, Jesse James.
Table of Contents
Cover (#u288d235d-2798-5635-815b-84679cfaa5fb)
Title Page (#u32d923c6-bc6c-58b0-b03f-6ee3c8e7507d)
Dedication (#u0626e7e8-2624-5369-80a0-559f01f2b0a3)
Chapter 1 (#u5d42e619-8a95-53dc-8e34-dcfefeed2cec)
Chapter 2 (#u5de82215-60b4-543b-989b-b0cecd1838ae)
Chapter 3 (#u04463cde-8c32-5a53-9125-760695306289)
Chapter 4 (#u5e4debaa-cde2-56ca-b7ce-f0045f34ed26)
Chapter 5 (#ub973ad81-e239-5555-9e76-18e1c38532d5)
Chapter 6 (#uf10c6ef6-8896-53fd-b601-d8ab9db5f532)
Chapter 7 (#uf797c177-2a26-5778-a135-8827a03f1506)
Chapter 8 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 9 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 10 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 11 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 12 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 13 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 14 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 15 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 16 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 17 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 18 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 19 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 20 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 21 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 22 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 23 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 24 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 25 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 26 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 27 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 28 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 29 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 30 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 31 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 32 (#litres_trial_promo)
Acknowledgments (#litres_trial_promo)
Extract from Wait For You
Extract from Trust In Me
About the Author (#litres_trial_promo)
Also by J Lynn (#litres_trial_promo)
Copyright (#litres_trial_promo)
About the Publisher (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 1
Sweet tea was apparently going to be the death of me.
Not because the amount of sugar could send you into a diabetic coma after one slurp. Or because my brother had nearly caused a triple-car pileup by winging his truck around in a sharp U-turn after receiving a text message that contained two words only.
Sweet. Tea.
Nope. The request for sweet tea was bringing me face-to-face with Jase Winstead—the physical embodiment of every girlie girl fantasy and then some that I’d ever had. And this was the first time I was seeing him outside of campus.
And in front of my brother.
Oh sweet Mary mother of all the babies in the world, this was going to be awkward.
Why, oh why, did my brother have to text Jase and mention that we were on his end of town and ask if he needed anything? Cam was supposed to be taking me around so I could get familiar with the scenery. Although the scenery I was about to witness was sure to be better than what I’d seen so far of this county.
If I saw another strip club, I was going to hurt someone.
Cam glanced over at me as he sped down the back road. We’d left Route 9 years ago. His gaze dropped from my face to the tea I clutched in my hands. He raised a brow. ‘You know, Teresa, there’s a thing called a cup holder.’
I shook my head. ‘It’s okay. I’ll hold it.’
‘Okaaay.’ He drew the word out, focusing on the road.
I was acting like a spaz and I needed to play it cool. The last thing anyone in this world needed was Cam finding out why I had a reason to act like a dweeb on crack. ‘So, um, I thought Jase lived up by the university?’
That sounded casual, right? Oh God, I was pretty sure my voice cracked at some point during that not-so-innocent question.
‘He does, but he spends most of the time at his family’s farm.’ Cam slowed his truck down and hung a sharp right. Tea almost went out the window, but I tightened my death grip on it. Tea was going nowhere. ‘You remember Jack, right?’
Of course I did. Jase had a five-year-old brother named Jack, and the little boy meant the world to him. I obsessively remembered everything I’d ever learned about Jase in a way I imagined Justin Bieber fans did about him. Embarrassing as that sounded, it was true. Jase, unbeknownst to him and the entire world, had come to mean a lot of things to me in the last three years.
A friend.
My brother’s saving grace.
And the source of my crush.
But then a year ago, right at the start of my senior year in high school, when Jase had tagged along when Cam had visited home, he’d become something very complicated. Something that a part of me wanted nothing more than to forget about. But the other part of me refused to let go of the memory of his lips against mine or how his hands had felt skimming over my body or the way he had groaned my name like it had caused him exquisite pain.
Oh goodness …
My cheeks heated behind my sunglasses at the vivid memory and I turned my face to the window, half tempted to roll it down and stick my head out. I so needed to pull it together. If Cam ever discovered that Jase had kissed me, he would murder him and hide his body on a rural road like this one.
And that would be a damn shame.
My brain emptied of anything to say, and I so needed a distraction right now. The perspiration from the tea and my own trembling hands was making it hard to hold on to the cup. I could’ve asked Cam about Avery and that would’ve worked, because he loved talking about Avery. I could’ve asked about his classes or how he was back in training for United tryouts in the spring, but all I could do was think about the fact that I was finally going to see Jase in a situation where he couldn’t run away from me.
Which was what he’d been doing the first full week of classes.
Thick trees on either side of the road started to thin out, and through them, green pastures became visible. Cam turned onto a narrow road. The truck bounced on the potholes, making my stomach queasy.
My brows lowered as we passed between two brown poles. A chain-link fence lay on the ground, and off to the left was a small wooden sign that read WINSTEAD: PRIVATE PROPERTY. A large cornfield greeted us, but the stalks were dry and yellow, appearing as if they were days away from withering up and dying. Beyond them, several large horses grazed behind a wooden fence that was missing many of its middle panels. Cows roamed over most of the property to the left, fat and happy looking.
As we drew closer, an old barn came into view—a scary old barn, like the one in the Texas Chainsaw Massacre, complete with the creepy rooster compass thing swiveling on the roof. Several yards beyond the barn was a two-story home. The white walls were gray, and even from the truck, I could tell there was more paint peeling than there was on the house. Blue tarp covered several sections of the roof, and a chimney looked like it was half crumbling. Red dusty bricks were stacked along the side of the house, as if someone had started to repair the chimney but grew bored and gave up. There was also a cemetery of broken-down cars behind the barn, a sea of rusted-out trucks and sedans.
Shock rippled through me as I sat up a bit straighter. This was Jase’s farm? For some reason, I pictured something a little more … up to date?
Cam parked the truck a few feet back from the barn and killed the engine. He glanced over at me, following my stare to the house. Unlocking his seat belt, he sighed. ‘His parents had a really hard time a few years back and they’re just now getting on their feet. Jase tries to help with the farm and stuff, but as you can see …’
The farm needed more help than Jase could provide.
I blinked. ‘It’s … charming.’
Cam laughed. ‘That’s nice of you to say.’
My fingers tightened around the cup in defense. ‘It is.’
‘Uh-huh.’ He flipped his baseball cap around, shielding his eyes. Tufts of black hair poked out of the back rim.
I started to speak, but movement I saw out of the corner of my eye caught my attention.
Racing out from the side of the barn, a little boy seated in a miniature John Deere tractor hooted and hollered. His chubby arms were bone straight as his hands gripped the steering wheel. A mop of curly brown hair shone under the bright August sun. Pushing the tractor from behind was Jase, and even though I could barely hear him, I was sure that he was making engine noises. They bounced along the uneven gravel and ground. Jase laughed as his little brother shouted, ‘Faster! Go faster!’
Jase appeased his brother, pushing the tractor so it zigged and zagged to a stop in front of the truck as Jack squealed, clenching the steering wheel. Plumes of dust flew into the air.
And then Jase straightened.
Oh wow-wee.
My mouth dropped open. Nothing in this world could’ve made me look away from the splendor before me.
Jase was shirtless and his skin glistened with sweat. I wasn’t sure what ethnicity he had in his family background. There had to be something Spanish or Mediterranean, because he had a natural tan skin tone that remained that way all year-round.
As he walked around the tractor, his muscles did fascinating things—rippling and tightening. His pecs were perfectly formed and his shoulders were broad. He had the kind of muscles one got from lifting bales of hay. Boy was ripped. His stomach muscles tensed with each step. He had a very distinctive six-pack. Totally touchable. His jeans hung indecently low—low enough that I wondered if he had on anything underneath the faded denim.
It was the first time I ever saw the full extent of his tattoo. Ever since I’d known him, I’d caught glimpses of it peeking out from the collar on his left shoulder and from under a shirtsleeve. I never even knew what it was until now.
The tat was massive—an endless knot shaded in deep black, starting at the base of his neck, looping and twisting over his left shoulder and halfway down his arm. At the bottom, two loops opposite each other reminded me of snakes curling up and facing each other.
It was a perfect fit for him.
A flush spread across my cheeks and traveled down my throat as I dragged my gaze back up, mouth dry as the desert.
Sinewy muscles in his arms flexed as he lifted Jack out of the driver’s seat, holding him in the air above his head. He spun around in a circle, laughing deeply as Jack shrieked and flailed.
Ovaries go boom.
As Cam opened the driver’s door, Jase sat Jack down on the ground and yelled at my brother, but I had no idea what he said. He straightened again, dropping his hands onto his hips. His eyes squinted as he stared into the truck.
Jase was absolutely gorgeous. You couldn’t say that about a lot of people in real life. Maybe celebrities or rock stars, but it was rare to see someone as stunning as he was.
His hair, the color of rich russet, was a mess of waves falling into his face. His cheekbones were broad and well defined. Lips were full and could be quite expressive. A hint of stubble shaded the strong curve of his jaw. He didn’t have dimples like Cam or me, but when he did smile, he had one of the biggest, most beautiful smiles I’d ever seen on a guy.
He wasn’t smiling right now.
Oh no, he was staring into the truck, head cocked to the side.
Parched as I was, I took a sip of the sweet tea as I stared through the windshield, absolutely enthralled by all the baby-making potential on display before me. Not that I was in the way of making babies, but I could totally get behind some practice runs.
Cam made a face. ‘Dude, that’s his drink.’
‘Sorry.’ I flushed, lowering the cup. Not that it mattered. Wasn’t like Jase and I hadn’t swapped spit before.
On the other side of the windshield, Jase mouthed the word shit and spun around. Was he going to run away? Oh hell to the no. I had his sweet tea!
In a hurry, I unhooked my seat belt and pushed open the door. My foot slipped out of my flip-flop, and because Cam just had to have a redneck truck, one that was several feet off the ground, there was a huge difference between where I was and where the ground was.
I used to be graceful. Hell, I was a dancer—a trained, damn good dancer and I had the kind of balance that would make gymnasts go green with envy, but that was before the torn ACL, before the fateful jump had put my hopes of becoming a professional dancer on hold. Everything—my dreams, my goals, and my future—had been paused, as if God hit a red button on the remote control of life.
And I was about to eat dirt in less than a second.
I reached out to catch the door but came up short. The foot that was going to touch the ground first was connected to my bum leg, and it wouldn’t hold my weight. I was going to crash and burn in front of Jase and end up with tea all over my head.
As I started to fall, I hoped I landed on my face, because at least then I wouldn’t have to see the look on his face.
Out of nowhere, two arms shot out and hands landed on my shoulders. One second I was horizontal, halfway out of the truck, and the next I was vertical. My feet dangled in the air for a second and then I was standing, clutching the cup of tea to my chest.
‘Good God, you’re going to break your neck.’ A deep voice rumbled through me, causing the tiny hairs on my body to rise. ‘Are you okay?’
I was more than okay. My head tilted to the side. I was up close and personal with the most perfect chest I’d ever seen. I watched a bead of sweat trickle down the center of his chest and then over the cut abs, disappearing among the fine hairs trailing up from the center of his stomach. Those hairs formed a line that continued under the band of his jeans.
Cam hurried around the front of the truck. ‘Did you hurt your leg, Teresa?’
I hadn’t been this close to Jase for a year and he smelled wonderful—like man and a faint trace of cologne. I lifted my gaze, realizing that my sunglasses had fallen off.
Thick lashes framed eyes that were a startling shade of gray. The first time I’d seen them, I had asked if they were real. Jase had laughed and offered to let me poke around in his eyes to find out.
He wasn’t laughing right now.
Our gazes locked, and the intensity in his stare robbed me of breath. My skin felt scorched, like I’d been standing out in the sun all day.
I swallowed, willing my brain to start working. ‘I have your sweet tea.’
Jase’s brows crept up his forehead.
‘Did you hit your head?’ Cam asked, coming to stand beside us.
Heat flooded my cheeks. ‘No. Maybe. I don’t know.’ Holding out the tea, I forced a smile, hoping it didn’t come across creepy. ‘Here.’
Jase let go of my arms and took the tea, and I wished I hadn’t been so eager to shove the tea in his face, because maybe then he’d still be holding me. ‘Thanks. You sure you’re okay?’
‘Yes,’ I muttered, glancing down. My sunglasses were by the tire. Sighing, I picked them up and cleaned them off before slipping them back on. ‘Thanks for … um, catching me.’
He stared at me a moment and then turned as Jack ran up to him, holding out a shirt. ‘I got it!’ the little boy said, waving the shirt like a flag.
‘Thanks.’ Jase took the shirt and handed over the tea. He ruffled the boy’s head and then, much to my disappointment, pulled the shirt on over his head, covering up that body of his. He looked at Cam. ‘I didn’t know Teresa was with you.’
A chill skated over my skin in spite of the heat.
‘I was out showing her the town so she knows her way around,’ Cam explained, grinning at the little tyke, who was slowly creeping toward me. ‘She’s never been down here before.’
Jase nodded and then took back the tea. There was a good chance that Jack had drunk half of it in that short amount of time. Jase started to walk toward the barn. I was dismissed. Just like that. The back of my throat burned, but I ignored it, wishing I had kept the tea.
‘You and Avery coming to the party tonight, right?’ Jase asked, taking a sip of the tea.
‘It’s the luau. We’re not missing that.’ Cam grinned, revealing the dimple in his left cheek. ‘You guys need help setting it up?’
Jase shook his head. ‘The newbies are in charge of that.’ He glanced over at me, and I thought for a second that he’d ask if I was coming. ‘I’ve got a few things to take care of here first and then I’m heading back home.’
The stinging disappointment rose swiftly, mixing with the burn in my throat. I opened my mouth, but immediately snapped it shut. What could I say in front of my brother?
A small hand tugged on the hem of my shirt and I looked down, into gray eyes that were both young and soulful.
‘Hi,’ Jack said.
My lips stretched into a small grin. ‘Hi to you.’
‘You’re pretty,’ he said, blinking.
‘Thank you.’ A little laugh escaped me. It was official. I liked this kid. ‘You’re very handsome.’
Jack beamed. ‘I know.’
I laughed again. This boy was definitely Jase’s little brother.
‘All right, that’s enough, Casanova.’ Jase finished off the tea and tossed it into a nearby garbage can. ‘Stop hitting on the girl.’
He ignored Jase, sticking out his hand. ‘I’m Jack.’
I took the little hand in mine. ‘I’m Teresa. Cam’s my brother.’
Jack motioned me down with his chubby finger and whispered, ‘Cam doesn’t know how to saddle a horse.’
I glanced over at the boys. They were talking about the party, but Jase was watching us. Our gazes collided, and like he’d been doing ever since I started at Shepherd, he broke eye contact with a distressing level of quickness.
A pang of frustration lit up my chest as I returned my attention to Jack. ‘Want to know a secret?’
‘Yeah!’ His smile grew big and broad.
‘I don’t know how to saddle a horse either. And I’ve never even ridden one before.’
His eyes grew as wide as the moon. ‘Jase!’ he bellowed, spinning toward his brother. ‘She’s never ridden a horse before!’
Well, there went my secret.
Jase glanced at me, and I shrugged. ‘It’s true. They scare the crap out of me.’
‘They shouldn’t. They’re pretty chill animals. You’d probably like it.’
‘You should show her!’ Jack rushed up to Jase, practically latching himself onto his pants legs. ‘You could teach her like you teached me!’
My heart lurched in my chest, partially at the proposition of Jase teaching me anything and due to my fear of those dinosaurs. Some people feared snakes or spiders. Or ghosts or zombies. I feared horses. Seemed like a legit fear considering a horse could stomp you to death.
‘It’s “taught” not “teached,” and I’m sure Tess has got better things to do than ride around on a horse.’
Tess. I sucked in a breath. It was his nickname for me—the only person who ever called me that, but I didn’t mind it. Not at all. While Jack demanded to know why I had told him my name was Teresa and Jase explained that Tess was a nickname, I was sucked back into the memory of the last time he’d called me that.
‘You have no idea what you make me want,’ he said, his lips brushing my cheek, sending shivers down my spine. ‘You have no fucking clue, Tess.’
‘Mind if I use the john before we get out of here? I’ve got to get back,’ Cam said. ‘I promised Avery dinner before the party.’
‘I’ll show you,’ announced Jack, grabbing Cam’s hand.
Jase arched a dark brow. ‘I’m sure he knows where the bathroom is.’
‘It’s okay.’ Cam waved him off. ‘Come on, little bud, lead the way.’
The two of them headed off toward the farmhouse, and we were officially alone. A hummingbird took flight in my chest, bouncing around like it was going to peck its way out of me as a warm breeze picked up, stirring the hairs that had escaped my ponytail.
Jase watched Cam and Jack jog over the patchy green grass like a man watching the last life preserver being taken as the Titanic started to sink. Well, that was sort of offensive, as if being alone with me was equivalent to drowning while being nom nom’d on by cookie cutter sharks.
I folded my arms across my chest, pursing my lips. Irritation pricked at my skin, but his obvious discomfort smarted like a bitch. It hadn’t always been like this. And it definitely had been better between us, at least up until the night he’d kissed me.
‘How’s the leg?’
The fact that he’d spoken startled me, and I stuttered, ‘Uh, it’s not too bad. Barely hurts anymore.’
‘Cam told me about it when it happened. Sorry to hear that. Seriously.’ He paused, squinting as the line of his jaw tightened. ‘When can you get back to dancing?’
I shifted my weight. ‘I don’t know. I hope soon, as long as my doctor clears me. So fingers crossed.’
Jase’s brows knitted. ‘Fingers are crossed for you. Still, it sucks. I know how much dancing means to you.’
All I could do was nod, affected more than I should’ve been by the genuine sympathy in his voice.
His gray eyes finally made their way back to mine, and I sucked in a breath. His eyes … they never failed to stun me into stupidity or make me want to do crazy-insane things. Right now his eyes were a deep gray, like thunderclouds.
Jase wasn’t happy.
Thrusting a hand through his damp hair, he exhaled deeply. A muscle in his jaw began to tick. The irritation inside me turned into something messy, causing the burn in the back of my throat to move up to my eyes. I had to keep telling myself that he didn’t know—that there was no way he could’ve known and that the way I was feeling, the hurt and the brutal wound of rejection, wasn’t his fault. I was just Cam’s little sister; the reason why Cam had gotten into so much trouble almost four years ago and why Jase had started making the trip to our home every weekend. I was just a stolen kiss. That was all.
I started to turn, to go wait in the truck for Cam before I did something embarrassing, like crying all over myself. My emotions had been all over the place since I injured my leg, and seeing Jase wasn’t helping.
‘Tess. Wait.’ Jase crossed the distance between us in one step with his long legs. Stopping close enough that his worn sneakers almost brushed my toes, he reached out toward me, his hand lingering by my cheek. He didn’t touch me, but the heat from his hand branded my skin. ‘We need to talk.’
Chapter 2
The piece of hair that Jase had reached for blew across my cheek untouched as those words hung between us. My stomach dipped like it did those seconds before I stepped out onto the stage. Fear had always formed an icy ball in the center of my chest when I stopped before the judges and poised, waiting for the music to begin. No matter how many competitions I had entered or how many recitals I performed in, there had always been a second when I wanted nothing more than to run off the stage.
But I hadn’t run away all those times and it was the same with Jase. I wasn’t going to run from this conversation. Long ago, I had been a coward. Too scared to tell the truth about what Jeremy—the ex-boyfriend from hell—had been doing. I wasn’t that girl anymore. I wasn’t a coward anymore.
I took a deep breath. ‘You’re right. We do need to talk.’
Jase lowered his hand as he glanced over his shoulder, toward the house. Without saying a word, he placed a hand between my shoulder blades. Unprepared for the contact, I jumped and then flushed.
‘Walk with me?’
‘Sure.’ The hummingbird was back with a vengeance, pecking a hole through my chest.
We didn’t end up walking that far as we were still in plain view of the house. With all this land, I figured there were places that offered more privacy, but he steered me to the nearby split-rail fence surrounding the pasture opposite the field where the horses grazed.
‘Sit?’ he asked, and before I could say standing was fine, his large hands settled around my hips. I gasped as he lifted me up like I weighed no more than his little brother and sat me on the top rail. ‘This has to be better for your knee.’
‘My knee—’
‘You shouldn’t be standing around.’ He folded his arms.
I gripped the rough wood, only relenting because the last thing I wanted to do was talk about my knee. He didn’t say anything as he stared at me and I wanted to sit there mute, forcing him to broach the subject.
My silence lasted all of five seconds before I blurted out the first thing that came to my mind. ‘It’s stupid.’
‘What?’ He frowned.
‘The name of the town.’
He knocked the longer strands of brown hair out of his face. ‘You’re mad over the name of the town?’
‘Is Spring Mills even a town? You kind of live in Spring Mills, right?’ At Jase’s confused stare, I shrugged. ‘I mean, isn’t it really just Hedgesville or Falling Waters? Just because you build a super Walmart, that doesn’t make it a town.’
Jase stared at me a moment longer and then he laughed deeply—the sound rich and yummy. God help me, but I loved it when he laughed like that. No matter how irritated I was with him or how badly I wanted to karate kick him between the legs, when he laughed, it was like the sun was shining in my eyes.
He leaned against the fence and as tall as he was, we were at eye level as he reached over, draping an arm over my shoulders. He tugged me in close—close enough that if I lifted my head, our mouths would be inches apart. My heart literally did several pliés in my chest. If talking about fake towns and Walmarts got him in the hugging mood, I’d start naming other places like Darksville and Shanghai and—
‘Sometimes I don’t think you’re right in the head.’ He squeezed me as he dropped his chin to the top of my head, and my breath caught in my throat. ‘But I like that—I like you. I really do. Not sure what that says about me.’
Pliés? My heart was now a ninja. Maybe this conversation wasn’t going to make me want to go rock in the corner. I relaxed. ‘That you’re awesome?’
He chuckled as his hand slid down my spine and then was gone. He hoisted himself up beside me. ‘Yeah, something like that.’ There was a stretch of silence and then his gaze settled on me again. His eyes were almost a pale blue now. ‘I do like you,’ he repeated, voice softer. ‘And that makes it so much harder to figure this out. I don’t know where to really start, Tess.’
The ninja in my heart keeled over dead. But I had a good idea of where he could start. How about why he hadn’t returned a single e-mail or text since that night a year ago? Or why he stopped coming home with Cam? I didn’t get the chance to ask those questions.
‘I’m sorry,’ he said, and I blinked as the air went out of my lungs. ‘What happened between us? It shouldn’t have, and I am so very fucking sorry.’
My mouth opened, but I couldn’t make a sound. He was sorry? It felt like he’d punched me in the chest because to be sorry meant he regretted what he’d done. I didn’t regret it, not one bit. That kiss … the way he had kissed me proved to me that there really was a such thing as uncontrollable attraction, that yearning for more could be painful in the most delicious way, and that there really were such things as sparks flying when lips touched. Regret it? I’d lived off that kiss, holding it up high and comparing everyone in the past, which was not many, and everyone after him, which was even fewer, to that kiss he regretted.
‘I’d been drinking that night,’ he continued, that muscle in his jaw thrumming along with my heartbeat. ‘I was drunk.’
I snapped my mouth shut as those three words sunk in. ‘You were drunk?’
He looked away, thrusting his hand through his hair again as he squinted. ‘I didn’t know what I was doing.’
A horrible twisty feeling coiled in my tummy. It was the same feeling when I had come down from my jump wrong. That horrifying, sinking sensation that had been a warning before the burst of pain that had come next. ‘You drank like two beers that night.’
‘Two?’ He wouldn’t look at me. ‘Ah, I know it had to be more than that.’
‘Had to be?’ My voice squeaked as a different kind of emotion started to fester inside of me. ‘I remember that night clearly, Jase. You barely drank two beers. You were not drunk.’
Jase didn’t say anything, but his jaw worked like he was about to crack his molars as I stared at him. Apologizing was bad enough, but claiming he was drunk? That was the worst kind of rejection.
‘You’re basically saying you wouldn’t have kissed me if you hadn’t been drinking?’ I slid off the fence and faced him, resisting the urge to plant my fist in his stomach. He opened his mouth, but I rushed on. ‘Was it really that disgusting to you?’
His head swung toward me sharply and something flared in his gray eyes, darkening the hue. ‘That’s not what I’m saying. It wasn’t gross. It was—’
‘Damn straight it wasn’t gross!’ There were a lot of moments in my life when Cam would tell me that I didn’t have the common sense to keep my mouth shut. This was cooking up to be one of those moments. ‘You kissed me. You touched me. You said I had no idea what I made you—’
‘I know what I said.’ His eyes flashed an angry quicksilver now. He looked me dead on as he hopped off the fence with the kind of grace that was almost predatory. ‘I just don’t know why I said those things. It had to have been the beer, because there is no other reason why I would’ve done or said any of those things!’
A red-hot burn replaced the hurt. My hands closed into fists. No—no way did two beers make him do those things. ‘You’re not a lightweight. You’d been in full control of yourself. And you had to have felt something when you kissed me, because you couldn’t kiss like that and not feel anything.’ The moment those words jumped off my tongue, my heart lurched. Thinking that was one thing, but saying it out loud showed how … how naive the words sounded.
‘You’ve had a crush on me for how long? Of course you’d think it meant something amazing. Jesus Christ, Tess, why do you think I haven’t talked to you this entire time? I knew you would think there was more behind it,’ he said, and heat poured across my cheeks. ‘It was a mistake. I’m not attracted to you, not like that.’
I jerked back as if I’d been slapped. And God knows I knew what it felt like to be slapped. Part of me would’ve taken that over this. I should have run when he said he needed to talk. Or at least limped back to the truck. Screw being brave and confrontational. Hurt and embarrassment crawled up my throat, filling my eyes. Apparently, I was as transparent as a window, so I was thankful for the sunglasses hiding my emotions, but he must’ve seen something in my expression, because he closed his eyes briefly.
‘Shit,’ he cursed low, the skin around his lips a shade paler. ‘I didn’t mean it like that. I—’
‘I think you did,’ I snapped, taking another step back. Jase was right. That night had been a mistake—a stupid kiss that I had attached feelings to and built up in my head during his absence. I don’t think I’d ever felt more foolish than I did in this moment. ‘You couldn’t be any more clear.’
He cursed again as he crossed the distance between us, dipping his chin and causing several locks of waves to tumble forward. ‘Tess, you don’t understand—’
I barked out a short laugh as mortification burst through me like a dam breaking. ‘Oh, I’m sure I understand completely. You regret it. Got it. It was a mistake. You probably don’t want to be reminded of it. My bad. And it doesn’t matter. Whatever.’ I was rambling, but I couldn’t stop myself from trying to save face in the worst possible way, and as I went on, I didn’t look at him. I couldn’t, so I focused on his grass-stained sneakers. ‘It’s not like I’m going to be here for long anyway. As soon as my knee is cleared, I’m out. And that will be sooner than later. So you don’t have to worry about running into me for long or me bringing any of this up again. It’s not like you’re the only guy that’s—’
‘Kissed you?’ At the sharpness in his tone, I looked up. His eyes were narrowed until only thin, silvery slits were visible. ‘How many guys have you kissed, Teresa?’
Not many. I could count on one hand and only needed two fingers to count how many went beyond that, but pride had sunk its claws in me. ‘Enough,’ I said, crossing my arms. ‘More than enough.’
‘Really?’ Something flashed across his face. ‘Does your brother know this?’
I snorted. ‘As if I would talk to my brother about that. Or like he actually has a say on whom or where I put my lips.’
‘Where?’ he repeated, head cocked to the side as if he had to work that single word through his mind. The moment he decided on what that could possibly mean, his broad shoulders stiffened. ‘Where are you putting your lips?’
‘Uh, like that’s any of your business.’
His stare sharpened. ‘It’s totally my business.’
Did he live in an alternate universe? ‘I don’t think so.’
‘Tess—’
‘Don’t call me that,’ I snapped, sucking in a deep breath.
Jase reached for me, and I easily dodged his grasp. The last thing I needed was him touching me. Determination settled into his striking features. ‘Where are you—?’
The door to the front of the house slammed shut behind us, saving me. Jase stepped back, drawing in a deep breath as his little brother raced across the grass and gravel.
From about four feet away, the little boy launched himself at Jase, screaming, ‘Superman cape! Superman cape!’
He caught Jack and slung him around, latching his little brother’s arms around his neck. Jack hung down his back, sort of like a flesh cape.
‘Sorry it took so long.’ Cam grinned, unaware of what felt like unbearable tension to me. ‘Your mom had lemonade. And applesauce cake. Had to get me some of that.’
Jase smiled, but ducked his chin at the same time. ‘Understandable.’
I stood there like a statue. A bird could’ve pooped on my head and I wouldn’t have moved. My fingers felt numb from how hard I was clenching my hands.
As Jase turned to the side, Jack smiled at me. ‘Are you going to learn to ride?’
I didn’t realize what he was talking about at first, but when I did, I didn’t know what to say. I doubted Jase wanted to see my face on this farm again, even if I had the lady balls to get on one of those things.
Cam was staring at me, brows raised, Jase was staring at the ground, his jaw tense, and Jack was waiting for me to answer.
‘I don’t know,’ I said finally, voice hoarse. Willing myself not to make more of a fool out of myself, I forced a smile. ‘But if I do, you’re going to help me learn, right?’
‘Yes!’ Jack beamed. ‘I can teached you!’
‘Teach,’ Jase murmured, hooking his arms around Jack’s legs. ‘Like I said, little bud, she’s probably got better things to do.’
‘Nothing is better than riding a horse,’ Jack argued.
Holding on to his brother, Jase straightened and glanced at me. His expression was shuttered, and I wished I hadn’t mentioned the horseback riding. Jase probably thought I was being serious and trying to find a way to see him.
After this, I honestly never wanted to see his face again.
That hurt to realize I felt that way. Before the kiss, we had become friends—good friends. Texting. E-mailing. Talking whenever he came with Cam. And now that was ruined.
I will not cry. I will not cry. That was my personal mantra as I shuffled back to the truck and climbed in, using my good leg to propel me up. I will not cry over the jerk. I also told myself to stop staring at Jase, but I watched him with his brother up until mine returned.
‘You ready to head back?’ Cam asked as he closed the driver’s door.
‘Ready.’ My voice was unnaturally thick.
He glanced at me as he turned the ignition. He frowned. ‘Are you okay?’
‘Yeah,’ I said, and cleared my throat. ‘It’s allergies.’
The doubtful look on his face was expected. I didn’t have allergies. My brother knew that.
Cam dropped me off in front of the West Woods complex. After asking him to tell Avery I said hi, I carefully exited the truck and headed up the narrow walkway toward Yost Hall as I dug out my key card.
I’d gotten lucky with the dorm situation. Because I was a late registration, all the rooms in Kenamond Hall and Gardiner Hall, dorms usually reserved for freshmen, were full. I almost didn’t get a dorm. The day before classes had begun, I showed up at the residential life department, praying they could put me somewhere—anywhere. My only other option was to live with Cam, and as much as I loved my brother, rooming with him was the last thing I wanted.
Tears were shed. Some strings were pulled, and I ended up in a West Woods suite-style residence hall, which was so much better than the tiny matchboxes called rooms in the other halls.
Using my card, I slipped into the cool air and headed for the stairwell. I could’ve taken the elevator to the third floor, but I figured the walking and climbing were good for my leg since I hadn’t been okayed to really do anything more active. I would be soon, though. I had to be, because if I was going to get back into the studio in the spring, I needed to get my ass back in shape.
I was panting by the time I reached the door leading to my suite. It blew my mind how my body went from being the Terminator to Sponge Bob in such a short period of time.
Sighing, I swiped the card and stepped into the living room of the suite. I wanted nothing more than to climb into bed, shove my head under the pillow, and pretend today never happened.
But that would be asking for too much.
I blew out a breath when I saw the hot pink scarf dangling from the doorknob to the bedroom. Closing my eyes, I groaned.
Pink scarves were code word for enter at your own risk. In other words, my roommate was getting some sweet, sweet lovin’. Or they were inside quietly fighting, and if they were quietly fighting, they would soon be loudly fighting.
At least I still had access to the bathroom.
I hobbled over to the worn brown couch and plopped down with the grace of a pregnant mountain ram, dropping my purse beside me. Kicking my bum leg up on the coffee table, I stretched out, hoping to relieve the dull ache in my knee.
A thump on the other side of the wall caused me to jump. I glanced over my shoulder, frowning at the wall. No more than a second later, a muffled moan raised the hairs on the back of my neck.
It didn’t sound like a happy moan on the verge of the big O kind of moan. Not that I knew what that sounded like. The few times I had sex ultimately ended with me cursing every romance book out there that led me to believe I’d be sailing through the clouds. But it didn’t sound right.
Keeping my leg on the table, I stretched up, straining to hear what was going on in the room. Debbie Lamb, my roomie, was a junior and seemed like a really sweet girl. She hadn’t crucified me for ruining what would’ve most likely been a semester not sharing a room until I showed up, and she was really smart and quiet.
But her boyfriend was a different story.
A few seconds passed, and I heard a very distinctive male grunt. Cheeks burning, I whipped around so fast I almost gave myself whiplash. Grabbing a pillow, I shoved it over my face.
They were most definitely having sex.
And I was sitting out here listening to them like a creeper.
‘Oh God.’ My voice was muffled. ‘Why am I in college?’
A dull pain flared in my knee as a reminder.
Slowly, I lowered the pillow. The door across from me, leading to the other bedroom that shared the suite, remained closed. I hadn’t seen our suitemates, not once, since I started school. I was partially convinced that they were invisible or were llamas or under the witness relocation program, forced to hide in their rooms. I knew they weren’t dead because I heard them sometimes while I was in the living room. They always quieted when they heard me moving around in the suite.
Weird.
Propping the tan pillow against my chest, I reached into my purse and pulled out my cell phone. I briefly considered texting Sadi, but I hadn’t spoken to her since I left the dance studio in July. I hadn’t spoken to any of my friends since then.
Most of them were in New York City. Sadi was starting at the Joffrey School of Ballet, the same school I had a full scholarship to attend. They were living my life—my dream. But the scholarship hadn’t been canceled. The instructors had placed it on hold, promising me a spot next fall if my injury was healed.
I dropped my phone back in my purse and then leaned back, holding the pillow close. Dr. Morgan, the specialist at WVU who’d done my surgery, believed I had a ninety percent chance of healing completely, as long as I didn’t suffer another injury. Most people would think those were good odds, but that ten percent scared the crap out of me, and I refused to even consider it.
Forty-some minutes passed before the bedroom door opened, and Debbie stepped into the suite, running a hand through her shoulder-length brown hair, smoothing the ends down. She saw me, and her face flushed red.
Debbie cringed. ‘Oh! You haven’t been out here too long?’
‘No. Just a couple of minutes …’ I trailed off, taking a closer look at Debbie while she straightened the hem of her floral blouse. Her eyes were red and puffy. They’d been fighting. Again. They must’ve made up, but they fought so much I wondered how they had any time for anything other than arguing and makeup sex.
Erik appeared, his fingers flying over the screen of his cell. His short, dark hair stuck straight up. He was good-looking, I’d give him that, but I didn’t understand his appeal. At all. He was big in the frat that Jase belonged to, was somewhat of a local basketball star during his high school years, but he had the personality of a cornered hyena.
Sliding his phone into his jeans pocket, he smiled at me, but it was a nervous smile, one that made me antsy.
‘Are you okay?’ I asked her.
‘Of course she is,’ Erik answered, laughing.
I stared at her pointedly, ignoring him, but she nodded quickly. ‘Yeah, I’m perfect. We’re going to get something to eat before we head to the party. You want to come?’
My mouth opened, but then Erik also answered for me. ‘She looks like her knee is bothering her, so she probably wants to stay here.’
I snapped my mouth shut.
Debbie looked uncomfortable as Erik started to usher her toward the door. ‘You coming to the party?’
I hadn’t really been invited, but I knew if I showed up, no one would say anything—no one except Jase, and I didn’t want to see him. I shrugged. ‘I’m not sure yet.’
She lingered. ‘Okay, well—’
‘Babe, come on, I’m fucking hungry.’ Erik grabbed her arm, causing the flesh under his fingers to indent. ‘It’s getting late.’
A low burn started in my stomach as I looked at that grip. How many times had Jeremy grabbed me like that? Too many to count. Seeing that made me feel nauseated. Made me want to think about things best left forgotten.
Debbie’s wobbly smile faltered. ‘Text me if you want … or need anything.’
Erik grumbled something under his breath, and then they were gone. And I was sitting there, with my leg propped up on the coffee table, staring at the door, but my thoughts had skipped back a couple of years.
‘You know I’m fucking hungry,’ Jeremy said, leaning over and grabbing my upper arm. He squeezed until I cried out. The car suddenly felt entirely too small. There wasn’t enough air. ‘What were you doing that took so long? Talking on the phone?’
‘No!’ I knew to remain still, to not pull away, because that only made him madder. ‘I was only talking to Cam.’
He relaxed, his fingers loosening their hold. ‘He’s home?’
I shook my head. ‘I was talking to him—’
‘On the phone?’ In a second, his features turned from cute to monstrous. I winced as his fingers dug in through my sweater. ‘I thought you weren’t on the phone?’
I shook myself out of the memory, happy to discover that all I felt was the residual anger. For the longest time, I would get sick to my stomach even thinking about him, but those days had long since passed.
Jeremy had been an abuser, but I was no longer a victim.
I was over what he’d done to me. Over. Over. Over.
Pulling my gaze away from the door, I squeezed the pillow until my arms ached. I didn’t have proof that Erik was hurting Debbie, more like a sixth sense about it, and I knew that most bruises wouldn’t be visible. Not if Erik was smart, like Jeremy had been.
I spent the rest of the evening eating out of the vending machine from down the hall and thumbing through my history text before crashing early. As I lay there, floating in the la-la land of almost sleep, I felt pretty damn lame. Here I was, a few months shy from turning nineteen, it was a Saturday night, and I was almost asleep before ten.
Lame didn’t even cover it.
Rolling onto my side, facing the wall, I drifted off to sleep wondering if Jase’s rejection would’ve hurt so badly if I hadn’t ruined my leg.
The ding from my cell phone sounded far away when it woke me some time later. I blinked my eyes open, confused. Green light from the clock on the nightstand flashed a quarter after one in the morning. The ding came again.
Smacking around until I reached my cell, I picked it up and squinted at the message. I read it once. Thought I was still dreaming. Read it twice. Thought I forgot how to read. Then I sat up, blinking the sleep from my eyes. The dark room came into focus enough for me to see that the bed on the other side of the room was empty. I looked down at the phone again.
I need to talk to u
It was from Jase.
The second text read I’m outside, and my heart sped up.
Jase was here.
Chapter 3
I had to be dreaming.
At least that was how it felt as I found my flip-flops, slipped them on, and then grabbed my key card. For a brief moment I considered ignoring his text, but my body seemed to have a mind of its own.
I was definitely going to want to karate-chop myself in the morning for this.
As I left my suite, I began to fear that this was some kind of joke because how did Jase know which dorm I was in? Even if he knew it was in West Woods, there were six buildings that made up the complex. I doubted he’d asked Cam.
My stomach dipped and twisted into complicated little knots as I walked down the stairs, clutching the railing. Darkness seeped in from the windows on the landing. Maybe I was really dreaming and this would become a nightmare. The railing would turn into a snake—God, I hated snakes—total Beetlejuice style.
Cringing, I pulled my hand away from the smooth metal of the railing and limped my way to the first floor. The lobby was silent with the exception of the soft hum and whirl of a dryer located in laundry services.
As I stepped into the night, tiny bumps spread over my flesh. I wished I’d had the foresight to grab a cardigan. There was a surprising chill to the night air.
I stopped on the porch, clutching the key card until it left little indents in my hand as I scanned the walkway and trees lining the path. All the benches were empty. There was no one out here. Besides the chirps of crickets, the only sound was distant laughter and faint music, punctuated every so many seconds with a happy shout.
My heart turned over heavily as I stepped off the porch, pushing my hair out of my face with my free hand. This was a joke. Or maybe he meant to text someone else and was waiting outside of her dorm. My skin prickled at the thought of him texting any other girl at one in the morning, which was stupid.
I shuffled several feet down the walkway, peering between the trees and thick hedges. The hollows of my cheeks started to burn as I stopped in the middle of the pathway. I shifted my weight from my aching leg to the other. What was I doing out here? I didn’t even bring my phone with me. It had to be a mistake or a joke or a—
A thick shadow broke free from under the trees, moving between the hedges. The form was tall and solid and as it stepped into the pillar of light cast from the lamppost, my mouth dropped open. It was Jase, but what was he doing back there? As he turned toward me, his hands left the zipper area of his jeans. Oh my God.
‘Jase?’ I hissed, hurrying the rest of the way toward him.
His chin lifted at the sound of my voice. ‘There you are.’ He said it like he’d been waiting forever and a day for me. One side of his lips kicked up. ‘You’re here.’
There was a flutter in my chest at the sight of his half smile. Recalling what he had said to me earlier helped me ignore the dumbass butterfly in my chest. ‘Were you just peeing?’
The half grin spread. ‘I had to use the bathroom.’
‘In a bush?’
‘Someone needed to water it.’
My lips twitched as I stared up at him. The unruly mop of hair fell across his forehead, brushing the edges of his eyes. The old, vintage style T-shirt he wore stretched across his broad shoulders and chest. As he lifted his hand to push his hair back, he revealed a slice of skin between his low-hanging jeans and his shirt. Rock-hard abs peeked out.
I averted my gaze because that was the last thing I needed to be staring at. ‘You’re drunk.’
‘Ah …’ He swayed to the left like there was some kind of invisible gravitational pull I was unaware of. ‘I wouldn’t go as far as to say I am drunk. Maybe a little buzzing.’
I arched a brow as he wavered to the right. That’s when I noticed the little pink box on the bench. ‘Is that yours?’
He followed my gaze and then grinned. ‘Shit. I forgot about it. Brought you a present.’
My brows shot up as he leaned over, nearly falling on his face before catching himself at the last moment, and picked up the box. ‘What is it?’
He handed it over. ‘Something as yummy as me.’
I snorted out a very attractive laugh as I looked down. Through the clear plastic top I could make out a huge, oversized cupcake. I glanced at Jase.
One shoulder went up in a shrug. ‘Cupcakes are good. Thought I’d be good and share with you.’
‘Thank you.’ I pried open the box and dipped my pinkie in the icing. Tasting it, I nearly moaned at the sweet richness.
Jase swallowed as he looked away. ‘I think I’ll sit down. You should too … you know, because of your leg.’
Like I somehow forgot that.
Jase watched me as I eased down, finding my knee stiffer than normal. ‘Is your leg bothering you?’
I opened my mouth, but he rushed on. ‘I didn’t even think about that. You probably shouldn’t be on your leg so much and—’
‘I’m okay.’ I took a quick bite of the cupcake. It was like a sugary orgasm in my mouth. ‘Want some?’
‘Hells yeah.’
I broke the cupcake in half and handed him his half. Within five seconds, he’d devoured it. I finished mine off pretty quickly and after tossing the box in a nearby trash can, I took a deep breath. ‘You didn’t come here just to give me a cupcake, right?’
‘Ah, no.’
‘What … what are you doing here, Jase?’
He didn’t answer immediately, but when his gray gaze settled on me, his eyes were surprisingly sharp. ‘I want to talk to you.’
‘That much I got, but I think you said everything you wanted to say already, and you showing up here is the last thing I expected.’ I felt like a bitch for throwing it out there like that, but it was true. And he sort of deserved it. I was no one’s doormat.
Jase looked away as his shoulders tensed, then he came forward and sat down beside me. The smell of alcohol was faint as he looked at me. Without saying a word, he reached over and plucked up my free hand. My eyes widened as he lifted my hand, turned it over, and placed a kiss against my palm.
Yep. He was drunk.
And my skin tingled from where his lips had met, like an electrical jolt. Speechless, I watched him lower my hand back to my lap.
‘I’m a jackass,’ he said.
I blinked slowly.
‘I shouldn’t have said the shit that I said to you earlier. It wasn’t right and I was lying.’ He took a deep breath, shifting his gaze to the empty bench across from us. ‘I wasn’t drunk that night. I was far from it.’
My heart had begun pounding from the moment he kissed my hand and went up a degree as he spoke, and my voice was barely above a whisper. ‘I know.’
‘And I really didn’t think you’d assume it meant anything because you had a crush on me or whatever.’ One side of his lips tipped up again, but he had been right on that aspect. The kiss had meant everything to me. ‘I just … I shouldn’t have kissed you that night—touched you. Not because it was gross or any of that shit, but because you’re Cam’s little sister. You’re untouchable.’
As I stared at him, the butterfly moved from my chest to my stomach. Was that Jase’s problem? He felt bad because Cam was his friend. Seriously? Part of me wanted to smack him upside the head. The other part of me wanted to crawl into his lap, because if that was his big hang-up, we could work with that. Couldn’t we? Or did it matter?
But I just sat there, staring at him like I had all those times he’d come to visit Cam. If I started giggling, I was going to punch myself in the face.
‘The moment … it had gotten away from me that night, Tess. You … you are a beautiful girl. Always have been and, goddamnit, that hasn’t changed.’
He thought I was beautiful—wait. The moment had gotten away from him? Torn between being elated and insulted, I shook my head.
‘Anyway, I just wanted to say I’m sorry.’ He glanced over at me, half of his face shadowed. ‘And if you think I’m the biggest jackass out there, I completely understand.’
What he had said earlier still stung like I’d kicked a nest full of hornets, but what he was saying now soothed a little of the burn. ‘I don’t think that.’
Jase stilled for a moment and then he twisted toward me, his head cocking to the side again. Our eyes locked, and I found that I couldn’t look away. ‘You’re still so … sweet.’
Sweet? I resisted the urge to spit on the ground. Of course Jase thought I was sweet and nice and as innocent and cuddly as an old, raggedy teddy bear. Not exactly how I wanted him to see me.
He broke eye contact first, and the air leaked out of my lungs. Wetting my lips, I ran the edge of my key card over the soft flannel of my jammie bottoms. ‘So you decided to come over in the middle of the night to tell me this?’
‘It’s not exactly the middle of the night,’ he said, smiling slightly. ‘More like early late night.’
My brows rose. ‘That doesn’t make much sense.’
‘If you drank half of an eighteen-pack, it just might.’
I pursed my lips, remembering he was more than just a little buzzed. ‘Why didn’t you just wait until, I don’t know, you were sober and the sun was out to have this conversation?’
‘I couldn’t wait,’ he said without a moment of hesitation, so quickly that there was no doubting how important it was to him. ‘And the party sucked.’
‘It did?’ For some reason, I couldn’t picture the big luau sucking that much.
Jase nodded and his brows lowered, furrowing together. ‘This … this has been banging around in my head. Tried to drink it out. Didn’t work. Decided I needed to tell you before I developed a mean case of alcohol poisoning.’
So the party hadn’t really sucked, but more of a case of him feeling guilty enough to seek me out. I didn’t know what to think about that or any of this. I’d obsessed over him and was convinced at one point that I was madly, deeply in love with him. And the night when he’d kissed me, I thought … well, I thought a lot of stupid things. That he would wake up the next morning and profess his undying love and devotion to me in front of baby Jesus and my entire family. And everyone would be thrilled by the prospect, even Cam. That somehow a relationship between a senior in high school and a college junior could work. Jase would visit me instead of my brother every weekend and he would come to my dance recitals and visit me in New York City when I left for the ballet school and …
And none of that happened.
Jase and Cam had left that next morning before I even woke up, and I hadn’t seen him up until I started school at Shepherd. At some point during that last year, I’d thought I’d come to terms with Jase, chalked it up to stupid, naive fantasies, and even dated a time or two, but I’d been really off about all this. I hadn’t come to terms. Obviously. And seeing Jase, being near him, made me remember everything that had drawn me to him—his kindness, humor, intelligence. And even if some of those qualities weren’t so apparent now, I knew they were still there. The fact that it was after one in the morning and he hunted me down to apologize was proof of that.
He leaned back, stretching out his long legs. ‘Tess … Tess … Tess …’
‘What?’ I forced my gaze back to him after staring at a square hedge for far too long.
Jase was watching me again, the look on his face completely unreadable. His eyes were so bright now, almost silver, as his gaze dipped. He made a sound deep in his throat, half curse and half groan. I didn’t understand it. My attention followed his, and I drew in a shaky, surprised breath.
That was about when I realized I wasn’t wearing a bra, and the cooler night air and thin tank top did nothing to hide what I had going on.
And right at that moment, I had a lot going on.
My nipples were hard, pressing against the material. Heat swamped my cheeks and I started to fold my arms, but then it struck me that Jase was looking, like really looking. And for someone who claimed that ‘the moment’ got away from him …
Wait. He was drunk right now.
I folded my arms over my chest. ‘What?’ I demanded again.
He dragged his burning gaze up, and I swore it had lingered over my lips. ‘Why did you come here? To this place?’
The question caught me off guard, and so did the way he asked it, like he’d never in a million years expected me to be here, at the same college as him. ‘I … my leg …’ Couldn’t I speak in complete sentences? A soft wind picked up, tossing my hair around. ‘I didn’t know what else to do.’
‘You never planned on doing the college thing, right?’
‘No. Not like this.’
‘So what …’ Jase paused, catching a piece of my hair. As he tucked it back, his fingers grazed my cheek, causing a fine shiver to work its way down my spine. His hand lingered for maybe a second, and then it fell into the space between us—a space that suddenly seemed much smaller. ‘What are you studying?’
It took a moment for my brain to turn over the question. ‘Elementary ed.’
The corner of his lip curled up once more as he draped his right arm over the back of the bench, still facing me. ‘That takes a special kind of person.’
‘How so?’ The major had been a last-minute thing because I hadn’t planned on having a normal career. I’d opened the registration manual and basically picked one. Teaching seemed like a good, stable idea. A plan B that I didn’t plan on using.
‘Kids are tough, Tess, especially at that age.’
‘You’d know.’ I smiled as I remembered how he was with his little brother. ‘But I like kids.’
A sudden shadow passed over his face. ‘Yeah, look, I better get going. It’s late and you probably would like to go back to sleep.’ He started to lean forward but stopped. ‘We’re friends, right? You and I? Like … like before?’
Like before he’d kissed me. I steeled myself against the sudden tumbling of my heart. This was it. Even if Jase thought I was beautiful and he was attracted to me, he wasn’t going to act on it. Whether it was because of Cam or something else, whatever he felt for me wasn’t going to be enough. And it didn’t matter. I could be friends with him. It wasn’t like I planned on being here for a long time. If I was cleared, I’d finish out the semester and then head back to the studio.
Jase … Jase would once more become a memory.
I forced a smile. ‘Yes. We’re friends.’
‘Good. Perfect.’ His smile spread, and it was that big smile, the one that didn’t lessen his beauty whatsoever, that probably had panties dropping across the nation. He stood, and I watched him stumble to the left. Jase threw his hands out, balancing himself. ‘Whoa.’
When he pulled his car keys out of his pocket, I pushed to my feet. There was no pain in my knee this time. ‘You’re not driving.’
He shot me a look and then laughed. ‘I’m fine.’
‘You are not fine. You can’t even stand straight.’
‘Well, it’s a good thing that driving doesn’t require standing straight.’
My eyes widened. ‘Jase …’
He took another stumbling step, and I caught his arm, wrapping my hand around his forearm. My fingers didn’t come anywhere close to meeting. He was startled by the contact and his gaze swung toward me. So was I. The feel of his warm skin branded mine, but I took advantage of the situation.
I swiped the keys from his hand and then let go, stepping back. ‘You’re not driving.’
Jase didn’t make a grab for the keys. ‘Then what do you expect me to do? Sleep out on this bench?’
I could’ve suggested that he call one of his friends, but that’s not what I said. ‘You can stay with me.’
His eyes widened, and then he barked out a short laugh. ‘Stay with you?’
I scowled. ‘Yeah, what’s so funny about that?’
He started to respond, but then he seemed to rethink what he was about to say. Several seconds stretched out between us. ‘Cam’s gonna kill me.’
‘Cam will kill me if I let you drive off. Besides, there’s a couch in the suite. It’s not like you’re sharing my bed.’
In the light of the lamppost, his eyes glimmered. The look that suddenly filled his eyes had the tips of my ears burning.
‘Suite or your bed,’ he said finally. ‘Your brother is still gonna kill me.’
There was a slight chance that Cam might, but he’d be more pissed if I let Jase drive off. And besides, it wasn’t like either of us could call Cam to come get his drunk ass. How could we explain Jase being here? ‘He doesn’t have to know.’
Jase didn’t look convinced, but when I turned to walk back toward the entrance, he stumbled into step beside me. He was quiet as he followed me up to my dorm and opened the door to the suite.
‘Debbie’s not back yet.’ I flipped the floor lamp on. ‘She might be spending it with—’
‘Erik,’ Jase interrupted, looking around the small sitting room. I so doubted this was the first time he’d been in one of these suites. ‘They’re still at the party. Who’s in the other room?’
‘Don’t know.’ I picked up the pillow from the floor and placed it on the couch, by the arm. ‘I’ve never seen them. I think they’re vampires or something.’
He chuckled as he brushed past me and then sat on the couch. The next second he was on his back, eyes closed and chest rising and falling evenly. Wow. It must be awesome to pass out that quickly.
Sighing, I went into my room and grabbed a quilt my mom had made from off the foot of my bed and then returned to the suite. He hadn’t moved by the time I came to stand between the coffee table and his long legs, but his silvery eyes were open in thin slits.
‘Friends?’ he murmured.
The twinge of disappointment was lost in the lurch my heart gave as he smiled up at me. I was such an idiot. Draping the quilt over him, I started to back away.
Moving faster than I thought a drunk guy could move, he grabbed my wrist, holding me in place with a surprisingly gentle grip. ‘Tess?’ he said, eyes heavily hooded. ‘Are we friends?’
My breath caught as his thumb moved in a slow, idle circle right under my palm. The slight touch did crazy things to my brain, completely shorting it out. ‘Yes. We’re friends.’
‘Good,’ he said, repeating what he’d spoken outside. ‘Perfect.’
He didn’t let go, but tugged me down until my hip was resting on the couch beside his. So many thoughts whirled around, and I had no idea why I said what I did next. ‘How did you know what dorm I was in?’
‘I have my ways.’ His hand slid up my arm, stopping just below my elbow, where his thumb moved over the sensitive skin there.
What was he doing? I was pretty sure friends didn’t do this. I sure as hell didn’t with my guy friends. But I really didn’t have a lot of guy friends, just a few from the studio. And Jase didn’t touch me like this before. Not even in the seconds before he’d kissed me. We’d been talking and I’d hugged him good night, but when I pulled back, he had held on and … the moment had gotten away from him. Was the moment going to get away from us again? He was drunk. It was quite possible and I knew I should pull away for a hundred different reasons, but I didn’t.
And that made me a stupid girl.
I still didn’t move away.
The smooth circling of his thumb sent little jolts of awareness through me. An ache filled my breasts and moved lower through my body. My lips parted of their own accord. God, I knew better. Honestly I did, but I had never, ever responded this way to a simple touch. I hadn’t even known it was possible for my insides to twist up in such delicious knots from a thumb on the inside of my elbow.
‘Friends,’ he murmured again, and then he pulled me down.
Pulse pounding, I didn’t resist. The very idea didn’t even cross my mind as his head tilted up and his warm breath danced over my lips and then my cheek. I shivered when his chest rose, brushing mine.
A deep emotion sparked in my chest, and it tasted like panic. Self-control came out of nowhere. A will that surprised me was born, and I pulled away before I really did turn into a doormat that had WELCOME tattooed on my forehead.
Jase held on as I jerked up, rising into a sitting position. The combination of me being off balance, him being drunk, and poor leverage didn’t mingle well with the quilt I had so nicely draped over him. Somehow he got his legs tangled in it. I stepped back and bumped into the coffee table. He kept moving as he pulled me down, half rolling, half sitting up. We tumbled right off the couch.
I hit the floor on my back and Jase’s weight came down on me, pushing the air out of my lungs. A moment passed and then I blinked open my eyes. I was plastered to the carpet, unable to move my legs or my arms.
‘Oh my God,’ I managed to squeak out. ‘Are you dead?’
He laughed deeply as he planted his hands on either side of my arms and lifted his upper body off mine. Air rushed into my lungs. ‘No. Holy wow … are you okay?’
‘Yeah. You?’
His thick, dark lashes lowered and he grinned. ‘I don’t know. I think I broke you.’
‘I asked if you were okay,’ I clarified in a voice that sounded strange in my ears. His weight and proximity had blood thundering through my veins. ‘Breaking me has nothing to do with that.’
‘I’m more concerned about you, but you did break my fall. How sweet of you, Tess.’ He chuckled, and dear Lord, I knew he was three sheets to the wind and then some, and damnit, did he have to be an adorable albeit clumsy drunk? Wiggling to get my arms free, he shifted and our bodies ended up pressed together in all the ways that counted. I stilled when a raw, sexy sound rumbled up from his chest. My gaze lifted, meeting his. Neither of us moved. Neither of us spoke. His lips parted on a quick, shallow inhale. My chest rose against his in a deep, shaky breath. I felt him through my thin bottoms, right where he was hardening between my thighs. There was no mistaking it, no hiding his length and thickness.
A sweet and heady burn crawled over my body. Several points in my body throbbed acutely as he stared down at me. Entranced, I watched his eyes turn to a molten silver. Several shivers ran down my spine. The throbbing was intensifying in the very center of me, spreading through my limbs.
There was a slight, unfocused quality to his eyes, and I again told myself he was drunk, but that knowledge did nothing to dampen my arousal or the heat in his gaze.
‘This … this is unexpected,’ he said in a voice that stretched my nerve endings. ‘Tess, I …’ His eyes closed, and he let out a deep breath. ‘You feel good under me, too good.’
My heart skipped a beat and then picked up. His words stirred up the kind of lust I had little experience with or understanding of. All I knew was that I wanted to wrap myself around him and hold on tight.
‘Good isn’t the right word. Maybe perfect?’ He sounded almost like he was talking to himself. ‘Fuck,’ he growled, and then his hips rolled in a slow thrust, pressing against the part where I ached the most. My toes curled and I gasped. A tremble coursed through his large body. ‘Do you believe in fate?’
The question came out of left field, but it didn’t cut through the haze building in my head. ‘I don’t know,’ I whispered. ‘Do you?’
‘I mean, do you believe that some things are just meant to happen?’ he murmured as he dropped his head and his lips brushed my neck. Another strangled gasp parted my lips. ‘Like no matter what you do, what you tell yourself, things are just going to happen? Some things I don’t think you can stop.’
My body overran my brain, losing what he was saying, and I wasn’t even sure he knew what he was saying. My right arm was free and I lifted my hand slowly, resting my fingers against the cool, silky strands of his hair.
His lips grazed my skin again and then the tip of his tongue flicked over my pulse. I jerked, causing our lower halves to press together. He kissed the same spot, nipping at my skin gently enough that it would not bruise, but the sensation was a riot inside me.
‘You never knew.’ He shifted his weight onto one arm and his hand curved along my cheek, tilting my head back.
A thunder was in my veins, as dangerous as a summer storm. ‘Never knew what?’
Jase shook his head as the rough pad of his thumb rubbed along my bottom lip. ‘I didn’t always … come up to see Cam. He wasn’t the only reason why I made that trip every weekend.’ As shock shot through me, he laughed and then closed his eyes. ‘I came up to see you. Makes me a bastard, really. How old were you? Sixteen? Fuck me.’
Those words mixed with the feel of him were like an explosion, but there was little time to internalize and obsess over their meaning or to even question it. His head lowered and my body tensed. He was going to kiss me and I wasn’t going to push him away. Not now. Not after what he’d just admitted. Not with the way my chest was swelling, erasing the horrible, wretched feeling from earlier.
His lips grazed the bridge of my nose, and then he pressed a kiss against my forehead as he rolled off me, onto his side. The hand that had been cupping my cheek slid down, between my breasts, stopping just above my belly button. That sweet kiss seized my chest, but I waited for those lips to move farther south.
But the lips never did.
I turned my head toward his and opened my eyes. My mouth dropped open as realization sunk in. Lying beside me on the floor, Jase was passed out cold.
Chapter 4
Forrest Gump had taken up residency in my head. The words stupid is as stupid does were on repeat. I should’ve ignored Jase’s text. I should’ve agreed when he’d called himself a jackass. I should’ve called someone to come get his drunk ass. I shouldn’t have yearned for more than a kiss on the forehead. And I really shouldn’t have been lured in by anything he’d said last night, no matter how badly I wanted to believe him, because he’d been drunk.
A drunk man’s words were a sober man’s thoughts. That’s what my dad always said, but I didn’t think that was true. Not in the bright light of the morning.
I hadn’t been able to get Jase onto the couch last night. So I had ended up shoving a pillow under his head and dropping the quilt over him. I’d sat on the couch afterward, fully intending on getting up and finding my own bed, but I had gotten a bit lost watching him sleep. Like I said, stupid is as stupid does. As I studied the softness in his features that were never present while he was awake, I’d fallen asleep.
When I’d woken up Sunday morning, the quilt that I’d placed over him had been tucked around me. And the pillow had replaced the armrest. Jase had already gone.
There was a huge part of me that wanted to believe that he’d spoken the truth last night and that it meant something, because that kiss … it had been so sweet. But he’d been hammered and he wasn’t here now. I appreciated that he’d apologized. We could move forward from here and be friends, but I wanted to kick myself for rushing out in the middle of the night to talk to him like I was desperate and hoping that he’d kiss me.
On any other place except my forehead, but that had been so … so sweet.
‘Ugh.’ I dropped my head into my hands.
But I’d been so surprised by his text. Hell, I’d thought he’d purposely lost my number and … well, I was a girl. That was my excuse. We’re just friends. I kept telling myself that over and over again. I needed to get that through my thick skull.
‘You don’t look like you had a good night.’
I lifted my head at the sound of Debbie’s voice. She stood in the doorway with two cups of coffee in her hands. ‘Ahh …’
Brown hair tucked up in a neon purple clip, she shoved a warm cup into my hands. ‘Got a question.’
‘Okay.’ I sat down on my bed, crossing my legs. ‘I might have an answer.’
Toeing off her sandals, she flashed a quick grin and then dropped down on the bed opposite me. ‘So I got home this morning around … hmm, let’s say—around four A.M. and I thought my eyes must be deceiving me, because there was one Jase Winstead passed out on our floor and you were asleep on the couch, all curled up like a little babe.’
A slow burn crept across my cheeks. ‘Uh, yeah, well …’
Debbie giggled as I stumbled over my words. ‘Now, when I see Jase in unexpected places, I expect him to be in a bed and not on a floor. Just saying, but come on, spill it. What was he doing here? I saw him at the party and he didn’t look like he wanted to be there—oh! Now it makes sense!’ Her grin spread. ‘There was somewhere else he wanted to be and that was here, with you.’
That was a huge leap of logic to take. ‘It’s not like that.’ At her doubtful look, I took a sip of the sugary coffee and resisted the urge to ask what ‘unexpected places’ she had seen Jase in. ‘I’m serious. We’ve known each other for a while. You know my brother is close friends with him, right?’
‘I know who your brother is. Everyone does.’ She smoothed a hand over her bangs. ‘But I didn’t know you were good friends with Jase.’
I shrugged. ‘He was drunk, so I couldn’t let him drive home. He crashed on the couch. That’s about all. Not an exciting story to tell.’
One dark brow arched. ‘And why was he here when he was drunk?’
Fuuuuuck. Good question. I bought time by taking a nice long drink of the coffee. ‘He was seeing someone else or something. And he was drunk and texted me to say hi.’
She scrunched up her nose. ‘Well, that is boring.’
I laughed. ‘Sorry.’
‘Damn, I was hoping I was going to get some dirty details and live vicariously through you.’ She laughed when my eyes widened. ‘Come on, Jase has this … I don’t know, this intensity about him. Like he’d be the kind of guy who fucks you and changes your life.’
‘Fucks you and changes your life?’ I repeated dumbly. The few times I had sex hadn’t been that impressive. ‘That is some serious penis skills.’
Debbie laughed as she flopped onto her back, managing to hold on to her Styrofoam cup without spilling anything. ‘Penis skills? Oh my God …’
I cracked a grin as I held the cup close. ‘Erik wasn’t with you, was he?’
‘Nope.’
Tension eased out of my neck. If Erik had been, I was sure he would go back to Cam or one of the other frat brothers. ‘Can I ask you a favor? Can you not tell Erik that Jase was here? I don’t want people getting the wrong idea—’
‘Like they obviously would,’ she teased.
‘Exactly. And I wouldn’t want Cam to get ticked off for no apparent reason.’
She rolled onto her side, placing her cup on the nightstand. ‘Cam the overprotective brother type?’
I snorted. ‘You have no idea.’
‘That’s nice though, having someone looking out for you,’ she said, stretching her legs. ‘I bet he’s a pain in the ass when it comes to boyfriends.’
I took another drink and figured it was time to change the conversation. ‘Speaking of boyfriends, I’m surprised Erik didn’t come back with you.’
She bit down on her lip. ‘He wanted to go back to the party, so …’
So what Erik wanted, Erik got. Just like Jeremy. I glanced down at my cup, wanting to say something, but felt like I’d be overstepping a line. But to remain silent was killer. No one at school had asked questions when they saw Jeremy grab my arm or yell at me for the most insignificant infractions. Everyone had turned a blind eye. It was easier that way.
I squeezed my eyes shut as the feeling of helplessness returned like an old, needy friend you couldn’t get rid of. I wasn’t that girl anymore. I wasn’t a victim.
When Debbie’s phone went off, I opened my eyes to see her quickly pull it out of her pocket. ‘Hey, babe, I was—’ Her words were cut off suddenly, and I stiffened. ‘I know—yes. Yes! I just left to get some coffee. You—’ She twisted at the waist and swung her feet onto the floor. As she stood, her eyes met mine. A crimson stain swept across her cheeks. She looked away quickly as she hurried out of the room. ‘Erik, babe, I’m sorry. I didn’t know—’
She stopped at the door, bending to pick up the sandals she kicked off. Her cotton shorts rode up her thigh, revealing the skin just below her hip. I gasped, but the sound must’ve been lost in whatever Erik was saying to her.
Bruises in an array of yellow and blue marred her skin. Some old. Some so fresh, so vibrantly purple, that I knew they had to have been created within the last twenty-four hours.
Debbie straightened, sandals dangling from the tips of her fingers. ‘I’m coming over now. I just need to get gas—I know you told me to get gas last night, but it was late …’ She sucked in a breath. ‘I’m sorry.’
Pressure clamped down on my chest as I watched her close the door behind her. I closed my eyes, but I couldn’t erase what I saw or what it meant. All the bruises, a large cluster of blotches, were inflicted where they could not be normally seen.
They’d been hidden.
My shirt was already starting to cling to the middle of my back, and my right knee ached. The walk from history class in Whitehall all the way to music appreciation on west campus was truly a bitch in this heat. Even worse was the fact that if I wanted to eat anything, I would have to walk my happy ass back to east campus.
‘You should’ve taken the bus,’ Calla Fritz said, shifting her messenger-style book bag to the other shoulder. ‘There’s no reason for you to walk this far.’
‘I’m okay.’
‘My bullshit radar just went off.’ Calla tugged her long, golden ponytail out from underneath the strap of her bag. I’d only met her last week when I started class. We shared history and music together, but in the short period of time, I discovered she was pretty blunt when she wanted to be.
Besides Debbie, she was probably my only friend. I didn’t count Avery because she was my brother’s girlfriend and had to like me. Mom had said right before I left for school that some of her longest-lasting friendships started her first year in college.
I didn’t think that was going to happen for me.
Even my friendship with Sadi, and we’d been dancing together since we were five, hadn’t lasted.
‘You started limping by the time we reached the football field,’ she added.
Sweat caused my sunglasses to slip on the bridge of my nose. Pushing them up, I smiled at her. Short and curvy, Calla Fritz reminded me of one of those ’50s pinup girls. The kind of girls who’d dance burlesque and make a lot of money doing it.
But, like me, Calla was far from perfect.
A raised scar covered her left cheek, from the corner of her lips to her ear. With makeup, it was a faint mark. I didn’t know how she got it and I didn’t ask. I figured it would be something she’d volunteer.
‘I always limp,’ I told her. Hiding my gimp leg was impossible with the nice bright pink cut decorating my kneecap. I would’ve preferred to hide it, but I couldn’t stand the heat of late August. ‘And I need the exercise.’
She snorted. ‘What the hell ever, my thighs need the exercise. You need a hamburger.’
‘Have you seen my ass? It’s known a lot of hamburgers up close and personal. And it’s on speaking terms with french fries.’
‘That’s okay. My thighs make out with milkshakes.’
I laughed and then sighed as we entered the tunnel that connected the two sides of the campus. Since it was underground and lit by track lighting, it was a good twenty degrees cooler.
‘I wonder if anyone would notice if I just lay down in the middle of this?’ Calla asked.
‘Probably, but I’d be right there with you.’
Calla spent the rest of our trip bitching about the fact that she—a nursing major—had to take music appreciation. I didn’t blame her. It was an easy enough class, but not the most interesting. Our professor really didn’t apply himself. After all, almost everyone in the classroom was there because they had to be.
College was so strange. It was like high school with little to no parental influence. We still had to take classes we didn’t want to take, except we actually had to pay for them, which really kind of sucked ass.
The auditorium was half full, and we took our seats in the back. Sitting halfway down the aisle, I swallowed the groan of relief when I sat. My knee immediately thanked me. I popped my sunglasses up, cringing at the fine sheen of sweat dotting my forehead. Nothing like being a sweaty mess for class. I was so ready for fall.
‘Wake me up about ten minutes till,’ Calla said, sliding down in her seat. She kept her sunglasses on. ‘Because then I’ll feel like I attempted to pay attention.’
I grinned. ‘Will do.’
As the class filed in, I started thumbing through my notebook, searching for the section I’d been taking notes in last week. I didn’t realize anyone was heading for the unoccupied seat to my left until I heard the chair creak. I glanced over and my jaw dropped.
Jase Winstead was sprawled arrogantly in the seat beside me, long legs bent and both arms draped lazily over the back of the seats. Dressed in faded jeans and a shirt, he looked like he had every right to be there, especially with his backpack resting against one of his legs.
Except I couldn’t figure out why he was here.
A funny little half smile hitched up one corner of his lips. ‘Hi.’
I glanced around, making sure I was in the right class. Beside me, Calla stared at Jase as she removed her sunglasses. I was in the right place. ‘Hi.’
The smile spread about an inch. ‘You look surprised.’
‘I am,’ I said, snapping out of my stupor. ‘What are you doing here?’
He tapped a long finger off his notebook. ‘Had a meeting with my adviser last week to make sure I had all my credits. Turned out I still needed music appreciation, and this was the only class that wasn’t full. So I did a late add.’
Jase paused as his gaze slowly drifted over my face. His body was the epitome of relaxed, but there was an unnerving level of quiet intensity in his stare. ‘I was actually sitting in front of you. You didn’t see me, but I saw you.’
There was no way that Jase knew my schedule, and him being here had absolutely nothing to do with me or his late-night visit on Saturday. I totally knew that, but that knowledge did nothing to stop the bubbling of hope and excitement. ‘Well, that’s … um, that’s cool.’
The other side of Jase’s lips tipped up.
My cheeks heated as I hastily looked away. Okay. I could handle this. Jase and I had talked things over. We were cool. Everything was cool. We were friends. And the things he’d said and how he’d felt on top of me Saturday night didn’t matter. He had been drunk. Another mistake. I clung to that, because considering anything else was sure to bring on a world of hurting.
I peeked at him, stealing a sideways glance. His gaze was still fixed on my face, but slowly moved down to my lap. My right leg was stretched out, and the way I held my notebook did nothing to hide the length of the scar covering my knee. I felt the burn in my face deepen as I shifted my notebook to my right leg.
‘The class is really boring,’ Calla announced, shoving her hand over and drawing his attention away. ‘I’m Calla, by the way.’
He reached over with his left arm, shaking her hand as his gaze flickered across her face. His stare did not linger on her scar, and for that, he got bonus points when it came to compassion. ‘I’m—’
‘Jase Winstead,’ she said, sitting back. ‘I know you. Well, I don’t know you. I’ve heard of you.’
A faint pink stained the tops of his broad cheeks. Was he blushing? ‘You have?’ he asked.
She nodded and a private, almost knowing smile formed on her lips. ‘I think every female on this campus has heard of you.’
I rolled my eyes.
He chuckled. ‘Ah, I see …’
‘You do?’ I arched a brow.
Focusing on the front of the auditorium as the professor strode in, Jase bit down on his lower lip. There was something boyish about the action, but in a strange way, also sensual. The muscles in my stomach tightened at the sudden image of him nipping down on my lower lip like he had on my neck. The skin there tingled as a reminder. An electric-like sensation shot through my veins at the memory of how he’d rocked his hips.
Good God, I needed to get laid or something.
‘Some would say I’m quite popular …’ he remarked finally.
‘With the ladies?’ I supplied as I pulled a pen out of my bag.
Thick lashes lowered as he sent me a sideways look. ‘Maybe.’
‘Definitely,’ Calla murmured under her breath.
I grinned as Jase shifted in his seat. He was uncomfortable addressing his oh-so-stellar reputation?
Goodie gumdrops.
‘So,’ I said, unable to resist poking at him. My voice was low as the professor started to discuss the six elements of music. ‘Would these ladies have good or bad things to say about you?’
He was silent as he scribbled the words rhythm and melody in his notebook. I didn’t think he’d answer. ‘Depends on who you ask.’
‘What would it depend on?’
His grin spread on one side again. ‘Several factors, but I can assure you that most of them would have many good things to say.’ His light gray eyes sought mine out again as he bowed his head until his warm breath danced along my cheek. ‘Actually, great things.’
My heart stumbled. Was he flirting with me? I swallowed. ‘Like what kind of things?’
He didn’t answer then, so I forced myself to focus on the lecture. I could feel Calla staring at me. She had no idea how I knew Jase and probably thought I was one of the girls who had many, many good things to say about him.
I wanted to say his comment was made out of arrogance and nothing else, but knowing how damn well he kissed, I was sure that he was just as skilled at everything else. The girls were probably boasting about his prowess on Internet message boards.
Jase shifted in the seat, and I stiffened as I felt his breath on my neck, just below my ear, teasing that sensitive spot that made me want to wiggle around—the same spot he’d nipped, licked, and then kissed. In a low whisper, he said, ‘I think you know exactly what kind of things they’d say good things about.’
*
I didn’t have a single clue about what was covered during music appreciation. The awareness of how close Jase sat was wholly distracting. Every time his leg or arm brushed mine, I was completely lost.
And I had an entire semester of this to look forward to.
There was a part of me that wanted to be grumpy about that, but I’d just be lying to myself. Knowing that I’d see Jase three times a week really increased my desire to attend this class.
After all, what was wrong with admiring a little eye candy?
Jase walked out with Calla and me, and it seemed like the temp had increased by ten degrees and the sun’s strength amplified.
‘Where are you guys heading?’ Jase asked, running a hand through his mess of waves.
‘I’m heading back to my dorm,’ Calla answered as she adjusted her sunglasses. She glanced at me. ‘Aren’t you going back to east campus?’
Thinking about the torturous walk ahead, I nodded. ‘Yeah, eventually. I have a class at one in Knutti. So I have an hour to make my way over there.’
‘I can give you a ride over,’ Jase offered, stopping at the edge of the pavilion surrounding the arts department. His gaze dipped briefly, but not quick enough that I didn’t know he was checking out my leg. I stiffened. ‘I can be your personal chauffeur,’ he added with a grin that was nothing short of wicked.
For a moment, I got a little lost in that grin and the coils that formed in my tummy, but I managed to shake my head. ‘Thanks, but you don’t have to go out of your way.’
Jase waved at someone who called his name, but his attention was focused on me. ‘I’ll drive you. I’m parked over here anyway, in the back lot.’
‘But—’
‘It’s not a big deal.’ He squinted at the harsh glare off a passing car. ‘I’m heading over there anyway.’
‘That’s really nice of you,’ Calla said, sending me a look that said shut the hell up. ‘Her knee is really bothering her.’
I flushed out of embarrassment. ‘My leg isn’t bothering me that much. And I need the exercise. Walking is a good—’ I squealed as Jase hooked an arm around my waist and bent, lifting me over his shoulder like I weighed nothing more than a sack of sugar. My bag slipped off my arm, smacking the pavement. ‘What are you doing?’
‘Standing here discussing your ability to walk over to east campus in this heat makes me really impatient.’
I gripped the back of his shirt, unable to see through my hair. ‘Then leave! What the hell does that have to do with picking me up like a caveman?’
‘Because you’re not walking over there.’ He clamped his arm over the back of my thighs, dangerously close to getting hands-on with my ass. ‘That’s why.’
Calla laughed. ‘Well, that’s one way to settle the issue.’
Lifting my head, I glared at her through my hair. ‘You’re not helping.’
She smiled at me as she picked up my book bag and handed it over to Jase’s waiting hand. ‘See you later.’
‘Traitor,’ I muttered.
‘Thanks.’ Jase pivoted around, and I held on for dear life. He started walking down the road. ‘How you doing up there?’
‘How do you think?’ I snapped.
As we passed a group of students, they burst into laughter. One of the guys shouted, ‘So that’s how Jase gets his girls!’
My entire body went rigid.
He turned suddenly, causing me to squeal. Walking backward, he chuckled. ‘Some require a more hands-on approach.’
‘I’d be down for a hands-on approach,’ came a soft, feminine voice. ‘When you’re not so busy.’
I cursed.
Jase tsked as he spun. ‘Language, Tess, language.’
Holding on with one hand, I jabbed him in the kidney with my other.
‘Ouch!’
My lips split in a wide smile.
‘If my other hand was free …’
I knew exactly what he was thinking. ‘If you even consider for one second you think you can—ompf!’ I gasped at the sudden extra hop in his step. ‘You asshole.’
‘I think you do need a spanking.’
My mouth opened for a blistering response, but he’d reached his car and for some reason being spanked didn’t sound that bad. But he had to be teasing because there was no way he was going to put his hand on Cam’s little sister’s ass.
Jase dropped my bag and then opened the door. He moved his hand, and the rough calluses on his palms trailed along the back of my thighs. I shivered in spite of the heat, and mentally cursed my body’s reaction to him.
He reached up, gripping my hips. ‘You can let go of my shirt now.’
‘Oh.’ I released my grip.
His shoulders shook with a laugh, and then the front of my body slid down his. Air halted in my throat at the unexpected frisson. Awareness shimmered over certain parts of my body. My feet were on the pavement, but his hands lingered on my hips.
‘There you go,’ he said, his voice deeper than before as he dropped his hands. ‘You can climb in, right?’
Pushing the hair out of my face, I took a deep breath. ‘I’m not an invalid.’
‘I didn’t say you were.’
‘I can walk, you know, and climb into Jeeps.’
He picked up my bag, dropping it in the backseat. ‘I’m sure you can.’
When he raised an eyebrow, I realized that he was literally going to stand there until I got into the car. Sighing, I turned and climbed up. He flashed me a grin, closed the door, and then loped around the front.
He started the Jeep and warm air blasted out of the vents, stirring the hair around my face. His eyes were a clear, steely gray when they landed on me. ‘Okay. Why didn’t you want me to give you a ride?’
Seeing that all the humor had disappeared, I squirmed. ‘It’s not that I didn’t want you to give me a ride.’
‘Really?’ He reached up, unhooking his sunglasses from the visor. Sliding them up his nose, he settled back against his seat. Locks of hair fell forward, brushing the rim of the aviators.
Goodness gracious, he looked damn good in sunglasses.
Even though his eyes were shielded, there was no escaping his stare. No one looked at you like Jase Winstead did. It was like he was seeing right through me, layer by exposing layer. ‘Is it because of Saturday night? I was pretty inebriated. Shit, I don’t remember anything from the moment I stepped into your dorm.’
The back of my neck prickled. ‘Nothing?’
He shook his head. ‘So God only knows what I said and did, and I must’ve said something, because you didn’t want to get in this Jeep with me.’
Part of me wanted to punch him in the balls even though I knew beyond a doubt that he’d been drunk—drunk enough to have no recollection of telling me that I was a reason for why he’d visited Cam so much or our little interlude on the floor. It took a lot for me not to blast him over that, but what point would it serve? He’d been sloshed, and I had been the one who went out to meet him and then let him in my dorm. All this was temporary, and I couldn’t let this make an already crappy situation worse.
I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. ‘You didn’t do or say anything to make me mad.’
He didn’t respond for a moment. ‘But I slept on your floor and you slept on the couch?’
‘Yeah … uh, you sort of fell down and stayed there.’ I shrugged a shoulder. ‘I fell asleep on the couch.’
‘Nice.’ He coughed out a short laugh. Several seconds passed, and I considered making a mad dash out of the car. ‘We’re friends, right?’
My heart sunk in spite of my convictions on the state of him and me. ‘Yes.’
‘Correct me if I’m wrong, friends give friends rides, right?’
I nodded, knowing where this conversation was heading.
‘So what’s the big deal?’
Looking away, I blew out a long breath. Spending any amount of time in his presence didn’t help my determination to put an end to this stupid crush, but there was another reason. ‘I don’t want people thinking …’ Picking at the hem of my shorts, I shook my head. ‘There’re a lot of things I can’t do right now—dance, work out, run, or even jog at a sedate pace. I can walk. That’s about all I can do.’
I kind of felt stupid after saying that and I doubted he’d understand how hard it was for me to go from being so active to becoming a sloth. And not even the cute baby sloths.
‘Ah, here I was thinking you were secretly hoping I’d pick you up.’ He switched gears into reverse.
I laughed. ‘Sorry to disappoint you.’
‘You’d never be a disappointment.’ Looking over his shoulder as he backed up, he smiled, and I wondered if he could see the way my pulse had jumped at his words. ‘I get what you’re saying. It’s hard when you’re used to doing something that was as common as breathing to you.’
‘It is.’ I tugged on the string dangling off my hem. ‘I miss the rush of dancing and running. You know? The energy. It’s calming and it’s just me …’ I wasn’t sure I was making any sense. ‘And I don’t have that anymore.’
Shifting into drive, he relaxed his grip on the steering wheel. He was quiet as he navigated the parking lot. ‘You know there are other things you could do.’
Like sex? I bet that was relaxing when it was all said and done.
‘You know one of the most calming things I’ve found?’ he asked, having no idea that my mind was happily playing in the gutter. ‘Horseback riding.’
I blinked. ‘Ah …’
He grinned. ‘There really isn’t anything like it. I’m telling you, Tess. You ever feel like you’re flying when you’re dancing?’
‘Yeah,’ I whispered, sort of stunned. I missed that most of all.
He nodded. ‘That’s how it feels to be on top of a horse. You should try it. I think you’d love it.’
I shifted, having no idea what to say to that. Was it an invitation to his parents’ farm? Did it matter? Getting in a saddle was tantamount to playing chicken with a pissed-off T. rex to me.
‘Hungry?’ he asked, changing the subject before I could answer. ‘I’m heading over to the Den. Cam and Avery are there. They’ve got to have better food than the dining hall.’
They did. I shrugged.
‘Come on.’ He reached over, nudging my arm. ‘Come on and eat with us.’
My lips twitched as I glanced at him. This … this was the Jase I remembered. Teasing. Open. Fun. Someone I could talk to and be honest with. As stupid as it was, I found myself wishing that he’d remembered what had happened after he stepped into my dorm. Then again, it was probably better that he didn’t. ‘I don’t want to come across as the little sister tagging along.’
‘You’re not.’
I shot him a dry as sand look. ‘I’ve tagged along half of my life. I followed him to college.’
‘You didn’t follow him, Tess.’ He paused as he slowed for the stop sign, glancing over at me. That half grin was back. ‘And guess what?’
My lips responded, curving up at the corners. ‘What?’
‘He doesn’t care if you did follow him here. He’s happy that you’re here,’ he said. ‘I don’t care if you did follow him. And I’m happy that you did.’
Chapter 5
I stopped fighting Jase on the whole riding-versus-walking thing pretty quickly, especially as the leaves from the huge maple trees planted throughout the campus turned from bright green to a beautiful array of red, gold, and brown. September eased into October with a spell of rain that seemed to be never ending. Fall was well under way, and every morning and night, a chill rolled off the Potomac, warning that this could possibly be a very cold and a very wet winter.
And at least once a week, he’d stashed a cupcake in the Jeep, keeping it cool in a little cooler in the backseat. On the way to east campus, we’d share the tasty goodness. He was going to make me gain ten pounds this way, but so far I’d had a variety of cupcakes—Twix, Oreos, strawberry, white chocolate, Skittles—that was kind of gross—banana and chocolate, and a dark chocolate cupcake that was so decadent I felt like I had to go to church after eating it.
Today we shared a red velvet cupcake with some kind of cream cheese icing.
It was divine.
Wherever he got these cupcakes from deserved a gold medal in fucking awesome.
Thick, fat clouds crowded the sky by the time music class let out on Wednesday. It was going to rain. Again. With my knee, I had to be super-duper careful on the slick sidewalks. Busting my ass would be as embarrassing as it would be devastating.
I waved good-bye to Calla as I climbed into the Jeep. The second after Jase turned the ignition, the Elvis Presley channel on XM kicked on. Ugh. As he backed out, I leaned forward and turned it to the Octane channel.
Jase stopped—just completely stopped in the middle of the parking lot. ‘Did you just do what I think you just did?’
‘What?’ I asked innocently.
Cars were pulling out behind us, but his Jeep blocked their path. The look on his face said he so did not care. ‘You just turned off The Man for …’ He glanced at the radio, grimacing. ‘For Godsmack?’
‘Hey. Don’t you talk shit about Godsmack.’
‘I have no problem with them.’ A horn blew. He ignored it. ‘Until it affects Elvis.’
‘I cannot listen to Elvis.’
His mouth dropped as his brows winged up. ‘We cannot be friends any longer.’
I giggled.
Jase narrowed his eyes as he finally—thank God—put the Jeep into drive. ‘It’s a good thing you’re cute or I’d drop-kick you out of this car.’
I laughed outright as I settled back in the seat. ‘I could say the same thing about you with your questionable tastes.’ A wide smile pulled at my lips as he shot me a disgruntled look. ‘Country music has got to go.’
‘Oh, you don’t know what good music is.’ Jase hung a left. ‘I’m gonna have to educate you.’
Warmth bubbled up in my chest, and I struggled to ignore it. We went back and forth on the music while he searched for parking. It took a bit of time since he passed up several open spaces farther out. I knew why. He didn’t want me to walk, and while catering to my leg usually made my skin itchy and too tight, I didn’t say anything as he circled the main drag a few times until a spot opened up between Sara Creed and the Den. It was nice of him, courteous even, and I couldn’t let myself think that it meant anything else.
‘How’s Jack?’ I asked when he started preaching the gospel of Johnny Cash.
A certain light filled his eyes, a look of pride, and I went all ooey gooey on the inside. ‘He’s doing great. Started kindergarten this year. His teacher—Mrs. Higgins—said he’s the smartest kid in class.’
I smiled as I slid out of my seat. ‘Are you sure he’s your brother?’
‘What do you mean?’ He appeared in front of me and grabbed my bag out of the backseat before I could even move. There was an odd look to his gray eyes. ‘Of course, he’s my brother.’
‘I was kidding.’ I grabbed for my bag, but he slung it over his shoulder. ‘You know, with him being the smartest kid in class, I wasn’t sure how he could be related to you.’
The wariness vanished from his gaze and he smiled. ‘Ha. Jack gets his intelligence, good looks, and charm from me.’
‘Uh-huh.’
Chuckling deeply, he held my bag in one hand and draped his other arm over my shoulders. The weight was sudden and distracting, causing the nape of my neck to tingle, sending tiny shivers down my arm.
To Jase, this wasn’t a big deal. Nor did he probably even notice the stares as we walked up the stairs to the Den, passing people who knew him—because everyone knew him. I easily remembered the first time he’d done something like this—the evening he’d arrived without any warning.
It had been the weekend after the … incident with Cam. My brother had holed himself up in the basement, having already drunk himself through the collection of scotch our father had stocked. Jase had apparently been talking to Cam through text and had grown concerned. He’d dropped everything and driven the several hours to see him.
I’d been dumbstruck when I saw Jase standing in the foyer, talking to Mom and Dad. He was the most handsome boy I’d ever seen—his hair shorter then, but no less wild, and his eyes a steely gray as they’d drifted and landed on where I’d been more or less hiding, peeking around the door to the family room.
Something had filled his gaze then, and I’d feared that all he saw in that moment was the cause of Cam’s problem. It had been freezing that night, as the evenings were in early December, but the house had suddenly become suffocating and too hot.
I had hidden again, but this time outside, curled up on one of the wicker chairs on the patio, watching the stars twinkle in and out, wondering how exactly all this had come about.
And that was how Jase had found me. Instead of giving me the fourth degree about what happened with Jeremy and everything that Cam had done when he found out, he talked to me about Christmas, my dancing, what my favorite class was, and everything else that had nothing to do with what had almost ripped our family apart. To this day, he’d never asked me about Jeremy, never brought up the stuff with Cam. It just didn’t exist between us.
By the time my fingers had turned to blocks of ice, Jase had dropped his arm around my shoulders and steered me back into the house, into the warmth, and it was probably that very second that I had fallen for him.
So this simple gesture was most likely nothing to him.
But to me, my insides were twisted into little, complicated knots. Made worse when his arm caught the edges of my ponytail, tugging my head back and sending a shiver of fire across my scalp. My breath caught as my gaze flicked up, unexpectedly meeting his as we stopped in front of the blue-and-gold double doors.
His eyes were silvery, a deep and brilliant gray that stood out in stark contrast against the darkness of his pupils. The look in his gaze was unreadable to me, but there was something hot to it, something so intense that it drew me in. My lips parted.
Jase’s lashes swept down. His mouth worked around words, but the doors opened, and the cool air rushing out halted whatever he was about to say. That strange, secretive half smile appeared on his full lips as he looked away.
His arm slid off me as we entered the Den through the entrance where the food was ordered. Only then did he hand my bag over to me. Our fingers brushed as I took the strap, and heat flooded my cheeks.
He lowered his head, so dangerously close to grazing my cheek with his lips as he spoke. ‘There’s something about you that I’ve noticed.’
Standing as close as we were had my pulse pounding for two different reasons. My gaze immediately sought out the table where my brother usually sat. Fortunately, it was on the other side of the room, and I could see the top of Avery’s coppery head. Their backs were to us.
‘What?’ I asked, a bit breathless.
Jase didn’t respond immediately, and the fact that everything about this moment felt intimate and so public was nerve-racking. ‘You blush a lot more now.’
And that made my cheeks burn brighter.
The lopsided grin grew. ‘It really makes me curious about what you’re thinking.’
I’d die a thousand deaths before I shared the interworking of those thoughts. ‘I’m not thinking anything.’
‘Uh-huh.’ One finger trailed across my hot cheek as he drew back and straightened. Turning toward the line forming, he said, ‘I don’t know about you, but I’m starving.’
Nodding slowly, I followed him to the back of line. I was starving, but not for food—for him. For him to touch me again, to kiss me, to look at me with that half smile that had such a strange effect on me, and I shouldn’t be thinking that way.
Especially when we were minutes from sitting down with my brother, who would not appreciate me drooling all over his best friend.
Using the time in line to get control of myself, I got a fried chicken salad, figuring the green stuff had to outweigh the crispy goodness. Jase ordered a basket of fries and the kind of hamburger that would go straight to my ass.
Plates in hand, we approached the table. Female heads turned and bowed together, whispering and giggling as we navigated the maze of white, square tables. I doubted he was unaware of it. Not when his lips curled up in a smug smirk.
My eyes narrowed on him.
‘Hey!’ Avery patted the empty seat to her left. Her face split into a wide, welcoming smile. The girl was gorgeous with her fiery hair and big eyes. ‘We were wondering where you guys were.’
I ignored the heady rush hearing ‘you guys’ brought forth, like we came in a pair, as couples did. ‘Hey.’
Cam made a face at me as he leaned back, tangling his fingers in Avery’s hair. I was beginning to believe it was impossible for him to not be touching some part of her at any given time. ‘What up?’
‘Most likely not your IQ.’ Jase sat across from the seat I was heading to, flashing my brother a quick grin.
He rolled his eyes. ‘That was clever.’
‘I like to think it was,’ Jase replied.
Grinning, I sat beside Avery and gave a little wave at Brit and Jacob. I didn’t know those two well. They were usually at the table when I was here, and Brit’s penchant for mayo and fries turned my stomach. Today, thank God, the blonde was eating pizza. Beside her, Jacob was pouring over a thick textbook, his face scrunched up in confusion.
‘Has it started raining yet?’ Avery asked.
I shook my head as I unwrapped my plastic fork. ‘Looks like it’s going to happen soon.’
She sighed as she glanced over at Brit. ‘It’s going to pour the moment we have to walk over to west campus.’
‘That’s our luck.’ Brit elbowed Jacob. ‘Are you going to let me borrow your hat if it starts raining?’
He lifted his chin as he touched the top of his bowler hat. To me, he sort of looked like Bruno Mars. ‘Yeah, I cannot let my hair get wet. Sorry for your luck.’
Brit shoved a finger into his narrow side. ‘That is not gentlemanly at all.’
‘Good thing I don’t profess to be one, huh?’ His dark eyes glinted with humor as he turned his attention to me. ‘Honey, I really hope you pick better friends than this one beside me.’
‘Hey!’ Brit’s mouth dropped open. ‘What the hell? I am prime pickings for friendship. Just ask Avery.’
She nodded as her right hand disappeared under the table. ‘It’s true.’
I smiled as I stabbed a crispy slice of chicken. ‘I think Brit is good people.’
‘Thank you,’ she said, smiling quite evilly at Jacob.
As I finished off the chicken in my salad, the conversation floated around the table, changing from Cam’s training for the spring soccer tryouts with United to the upcoming party this weekend.
‘I don’t know if it’s going to be a huge thing.’ Jase had devoured the hamburger and now had moved on to the fries. ‘I know Erik and Brandon are supposed to be running it. You’re going, right?’ he asked Cam.
Cam glanced at Avery first. Too cute. ‘Are we?’
She bit her lip and nodded. ‘I think so.’
I didn’t know a whole ton about Avery, but I knew going to a party was a big deal. She didn’t seem to be into those kinds of things.
Brit and Jacob planned on going, and I turned my attention to the salad, digging out the cucumbers. In high school, I didn’t get to go to a lot of parties because of dance, so I really had no idea what to expect from a college one. Not that it looked like I was going to find out anytime soon.
‘You’re coming, right?’ Jase asked, and I wondered who he was talking to. Then I felt his foot tap mine under the table, and I looked up. His brows rose. ‘Tess, you’re coming?’
I blinked tightly as surprise washed over me. ‘Yeah,’ I croaked, and then cleared my throat. ‘Yes. I can go.’
‘Wait. What?’ Cam dropped his arm from Avery. Holy shit. Hold the presses. He wasn’t touching her. He leaned forward, eyeing me with identical blue eyes. ‘You are eighteen—’
‘I’m almost nineteen,’ I interrupted, deciding that made a big difference. After all, my birthday was November the second, and we were less than a month away.
‘Yeah, still, you’re not legal.’ Cam glanced over at Jase. ‘You seriously just invited her to a frat party?’
Oh my God, I was going to kill my brother.
‘Awkward,’ Jacob murmured, closing his textbook.
Jase popped a fry in his mouth. ‘You’re taking your girlfriend to a frat party.’
‘That’s different,’ he replied.
I sighed. ‘Cam, can you shut—’
‘I don’t like the idea of you hanging out at a frat house. Those guys there—’
‘Like me,’ Jase interrupted, winking at me.
My cheeks heated.
‘Exactly,’ Cam all but growled. ‘Enough said.’
Brit giggled. ‘Cam, when did you start going to frat parties?’
‘And don’t say it’s different,’ I jumped in, stabbing a piece of lettuce. ‘Because you were partying when you were fifteen.’
Cam sat back, and that’s when I saw that Avery’s hand had been on his thigh this whole time. False alarm. They had not stopped touching. ‘It is different,’ he insisted. ‘I’m a guy.’
‘Holy shit, you serious?’ Jase’s eyes widened, and I grinned. ‘Could’ve fooled me.’
‘I’m not the one who needs a haircut.’ Cam picked up his bottle of water. ‘I’m half tempted to start braiding it.’
‘I’d be down for that.’ Jacob piped up, smiling. ‘I’m really good with braiding.’
Jase sucked in his bottom lip. ‘I think I’ll pass on that, but thanks.’
He sighed. ‘Story of my life.’
Avery tucked a strand of hair back behind her ear. ‘You should really come and hang out with us. Cam—’ She shot him a look that shut him up in a second. ‘Cam will be okay with it. We’ll actually give you a ride.’
My brother opened his mouth again, but this time it was Jase who swooped in. ‘And if Cam doesn’t want to give you a ride, I will. Either way, you’re going. It’s official.’
‘Or I can,’ Brit offered. ‘Then again, I’m not the best driver, so—’
‘I’ll give her a ride.’ Cam sighed. ‘Whatever.’
My smile spread as Cam was universally defeated. Excitement swelled in me, and I felt sort of lame, but it was my first college party. My gaze drifted across from me. I needed to find something cute to wear. A sexy new shirt would be nice. Maybe I could convince Avery to go shopping with me.
Jacob shook his head as his gaze centered on something behind us. ‘Man, there they go again.’
Cringing, Brit ducked her chin and smacked her hand over her eyes. ‘I can’t even watch. I’m serious. I get secondhand embarrassment.’
Twisting halfway in my seat, I immediately saw what they were talking about. My stomach sunk as I watched Debbie and Erik standing at the end of the tables, in front of the ram painted on the wall. Erik’s mouth was running a mile a minute and her cheeks were pale.
‘Isn’t that your roommate?’ Jase asked quietly.
I nodded, watching them over my shoulder. ‘Yeah. Her boyfriend … he’s …’
‘He’s a dick,’ Jase replied, and I twisted back around in surprise. He picked up a fry. ‘He’s like a grade A fucking dick.’
‘It’s the truth.’ Cam turned toward Avery, wrapping his arms around her waist. He rested his chin on her shoulder, closing his eyes. ‘I mean, he can be cool, but he doesn’t know how to act right.’ Pausing, he kissed the side of her neck. ‘I, on the other hand, do.’
Jase snorted.
‘Don’t hate,’ Cam murmured.
My gaze met Jase’s for a second, and I couldn’t help myself. I glanced over my shoulder again. Erik had ahold of Debbie’s arms, and now her lips were moving fast. Whatever they were saying was gaining the attention of the table in front of them.
I wanted to get up and rip Erik’s hands away. Actually, I wanted to get up and kick him in the balls. As I forced myself to turn back around, words bubbled up in my throat—words that were suspicions.
Jacob shook his head as he raised his arms, stretching. ‘Girls are stupid. No offense or anything.’
Brit made a face. ‘Of course.’
‘Care to explain?’ Avery leaned back into Cam’s embrace, and those two were the picture of what couples in love should look like.
‘Come on, I don’t care what he’s packing in his jeans, how smart he is, or how cool.’ Jacob sat back, eyeing where Debbie and Erik had moved to stand just outside the open doors, still arguing. Debbie looked close to tears. ‘Any girl who puts up with that shit is fucking stupid.’
I stiffened, my fork halfway to my mouth. The piece of lettuce dangled there. Brit, like Jacob, was basically unaffected by the statement. Both of them had no idea that I had been one of those fucking stupid girls. And while I would never actively be that girl again, wouldn’t I always be that girl?
Cold fingers drifted down my spine as I lowered my hand. My appetite was officially slaughtered. Avery had fallen silent; so had Jase and my brother. Of course, they knew. I hadn’t told Avery, but I knew Cam had told her, because I had, in some ways, fucked up his life this many years later.
Because I didn’t have the courage or the common sense or the whatever necessary to tell the truth, or to simply leave Jeremy, my silence had kick-started a chain of events that had almost destroyed my brother.
‘I’m going to go ahead and head to class.’ Picking up my backpack, I slung it over my shoulder as I stood. ‘I don’t want to get caught in the rain.’
‘Teresa,’ Cam said, his voice level. ‘You—’
‘I’ll see you guys later.’ I kept my gaze on my salad as I picked it up, not daring to look at anyone.
Dumping my food, I headed out the entrance we came in, purposefully avoiding the side where I’d seen Erik and Debbie. Thick, ominous clouds had rolled in and the scent of rain was strong, but it hadn’t started yet.
A knot had crawled into my throat as I stepped onto the sidewalk. Jacob hadn’t meant anything by what he said. I got that, but the truth in his words still stung. It was more than just the embarrassment. I didn’t want to think about Jeremy—ever again. Except he kept popping up like a damn cold sore. If I could have my time with him scrubbed from my memory, I would.
Maybe you’re not quite over what he did, whispered a snotty, annoying inner voice that I immediately told to shut up.
‘Tess.’
Halfway up the hill, I stopped and turned as my heart did the same thing it did every time I heard his voice. It didn’t matter that I’d just spent a good two hours with him, or the fact that my less than perfect past had just exploded all over our lunch table. I was hopeless.
There was a slight smile on his face as he came to me. Gently taking my arm, he steered me off the sidewalk, out of the path of the moving crowd. Coming to stand under a tree, I tightened my grip on my bag.
‘You ran off quickly,’ he said. ‘I didn’t get a chance to ask you something.’
He was still holding my arm, his hand warm and strong against my skin. ‘What?’
Jase looked at me as if Jacob had never said anything, and like I hadn’t just run off with my tail between my legs. Instead, he smiled as he slid his hand down my arm, circling his long fingers around my wrist.
Dear God in heaven, if Cam stepped outside right now and saw this …
‘What are you doing after class tomorrow?’ he asked.
My eyes widened and holy moly, it was like a million run-on sentences invaded my brain all at once. Was he? Did he? Is he? I had to literally stop and force my head to work right. ‘Um … I get out of class at one, but I don’t have anything planned.’
‘Good.’
I waited for more of an explanation, but there wasn’t one. ‘Good?’
‘Yep.’ He stepped in, so close his shoes brushed my toes. ‘Because you have plans now.’
Chapter 6
Calla stood in the doorway, holding a Twizzler. ‘So you have no idea what you’re doing today?’
‘No.’ I tugged on the hem of my tank top. ‘All Jase said was to dress to be outside. This is good enough, right?’
Her gaze swept over my jeans and sneakers. ‘It’s still a little warm outside, buddy. Might want to rethink the jeans.’
I gazed longingly at the tiny closet and the pair of lonely shorts that resided in there, but I really didn’t want to spend whatever we were doing worrying about him staring at my scar. Not that I should care about that, but I obviously did. And it wasn’t that warm, not like it had been a month ago. ‘I’ll keep the jeans.’
She studied me as she twisted the edge of her ponytail between her fingers. ‘It’s not that noticeable, you know. Just saying. Anyway,’ she went on before I could say a word, ‘where’s Debbie?’
I glanced at the empty, unslept-in bed. ‘I don’t know.’ I hadn’t seen her since sometime yesterday, and she’d only been in the room for seconds before rushing off.
‘And your suitemates?’
‘Good question.’ I dragged my gaze from the bed. ‘I have yet to see them.’
‘Weird,’ she whispered, turning around. She crept toward their door. ‘I want to knock.’
‘Don’t!’
‘But—’
My phone chirped and my heart jumped. Snatching it off the bed, I quickly read the message. ‘He’s outside waiting for me.’
Calla grinned. ‘Oh! Let’s go then.’
Grabbing my purse, I dropped my phone in it after sending him a quick message. We headed out of the suite and past the open doors to rooms where people obviously had normal suitemates.
‘So this is a date?’ Calla asked as she went for the elevator, forcing me away from the stairs. ‘Right?’
‘No.’
She arched a brow at me as the doors slid shut. ‘I think he likes you.’
For a moment, I entertained the thought that this might be a date and that he might like me. I’m happy that you did. A giggle bubbled its way up my chest. Okay, thinking this was a date was not a good thing. I shook my head. ‘I’ve told you. I’ve known him for a while. He’s best friends with—’
‘Cam,’ she interrupted. ‘I know. But he’s not with Cam. He’s with you. And I doubt he’s taking you out on this little outing because of your brother.’
I opened my mouth, but having not considered that he could be doing this because of his friendship with my brother, I snapped my jaw tight. What if that was the reason? I placed a hand against my belly. I didn’t want his pity or whatever. Worse yet, what if he was doing this because he thought of me as a sister?
Well, I could probably rule out the sister thing.
‘Ah, the look on your face is kind of scary.’
I worked at relaxing my expression.
She laughed as the elevator stopped and the doors eased open. ‘Better.’
‘Really?’ When she nodded, I smoothed my hands through my hair and then dropped my arms as we stepped out. The lobby was crowded. Half of the people were sprawled across the couches and chairs. I stopped at the door, spying his Jeep idling in the no parking zone.
‘Can I tell you something?’ she asked as we stepped outside.
My heart was already pounding. ‘Sure.’
A slow grin stretched across her pretty face, diminishing the faint line of the scar. ‘I just have to say this, okay? That boy …’
‘What?’ I asked, stopping a few feet from the Jeep. Calla was from this area. She was younger than Jase, like me, but she might know things I didn’t. Not that it mattered. It couldn’t matter. We were friends.
And I was beginning to sound like a broken record.
Calla sighed as she started to back away from me. ‘That boy is freaking unbelievably hot. That is all.’
A smile formed on my lips and I laughed, muscles tightening and then relaxing. ‘Yeah, I’d have to agree with that.’
She glanced over at the Jeep and grinned as she wiggled her fingers. ‘Have fun.’
Waving good-bye, I took a deep breath and made my way over to where he waited. He leaned over, opening the passenger door from the inside. Several locks of rich brown hair fell forward, brushing the tips of his lashes. Luke Bryan crooned from the radio.
‘Hey there, pretty lady.’
‘Hey.’ I hoisted myself up and closed the door, overly pleased with his greeting. And I figured that wasn’t very healthy. Reaching for the seat belt, I looked over at him again and tried not to gawk.
No shirt.
Jase possibly—and I was willing to bet money I didn’t have on it—had the most perfectly formed body. Even sitting down, his abs were defined and appeared rock hard to touch. My gaze traveled over the ropy muscle of his forearm, visually tracing the intricate knotting of his tattoo.
‘Got it?’ he asked, giving me a lopsided grin.
Having no idea what he was talking about, I simply stared at him. He laughed softly as he reached over and took the seat belt from my hand. As he drew the strap across me, the back of his fingers brushed my chest.
I sucked in a soft gasp as raw sensation skittered through my veins.
The seat belt clicked into place as he lifted his chin. His eyes flashed silver. ‘Good?’
I nodded.
Still grinning, he returned to his seat and picked up the pink box I only noticed then. God, I wasn’t observant at all.
He handed it over to me. ‘I already ate half. Couldn’t wait.’
Smiling, I popped open the box and took a bite. I looked forward to the whole cupcake thing. There was something simply exciting about not knowing what I was about to taste.
One bite and I moaned. ‘Oh my God, is that Reese’s Pieces in this thing?’
He nodded. ‘Yep. That’s good shit right there, huh?’
‘I want to marry it.’
Jase laughed deeply as he eased the Jeep away from the curb. I didn’t trust myself to speak until I finished off the cupcake and the thrill of his brief, and most likely accidental, touch had stopped racing from my veins, and by that time, we were on the main road, heading toward Martinsburg.
‘Where are we going?’ I asked.
‘It’s a surprise.’ He slid me a sideways glance. ‘Though you might end up regretting the jeans. Weatherman was saying it was going to get up to the mideighties this afternoon.’
Which was unseasonably warm for early October, but whatever. ‘I’m fine.’
That one-sided grin tipped up. ‘That you are.’
Staring at him, a laugh burst free. ‘Did you …? That was really …’
‘Awesome?’
I shook my head, grinning like a complete fool. ‘That was pretty bad.’
He chuckled as he reached over, flipping the station to a blues channel. ‘I thought it was smooth.’
My mouth opened to ask why he was trying to be smooth, but luckily I stopped myself. That question would probably end up making me look like an idiot by the time it was answered.
Forcing my gaze to the window, I clasped my hands in my lap. ‘So … how are your classes going?’
I cringed at how lame the question sounded, but Jase didn’t appear to notice. ‘They’re going good. As long as I can get into the rest of my classes next semester, I’ll be graduating in the spring.’
‘That’s great.’ I smiled broadly, maybe a little too widely. I had no idea what Jase planned to do once he graduated, but I doubted he was going to stay around here. It shouldn’t even be a concern of mine. ‘Where are you going once you graduate?’
Jase shifted in the driver’s seat, keeping one hand on the steering wheel and the other resting on his leg. ‘Well, with a degree in environmental studies, I really could go anywhere, but I’ll stay here or commute into D.C. if I can get on with the Department of Interior or WVU. You know they’ve got an agricultural research center outside of Kearneysville.’
‘You’re not leaving?’ My question came fast.
‘I can’t,’ he said, and added quickly, ‘I mean, I like it here.’
I didn’t miss the sudden tensing of his shoulders. Nibbling my lower lip, I peeked at him again. ‘You can’t?’
He didn’t say anything as he reached forward, turning the station back to country music. Someone started singing about a tear in their beer, but I was hardly paying attention. What could he have meant by him not being able to leave? Nothing was holding him here. He seriously could go anywhere, especially if he did get in with the Department of Interior.
Running a hand through his messy mop of hair, he glanced over at me. ‘What about you?’
‘Me?’ He was so trying to change the subject.
‘Yeah. You. Are you going to stay around here?’ The derision in his voice caused me to stiffen. ‘Teaching?’
Indignation rose at his tone. ‘What is that supposed to mean?’
He laughed, but for some reason, it sounded dry and harsh. ‘Come on, Tess, teaching a bunch of elementary-school kids? Seriously?’
Twisting toward him, I crossed my arms. ‘Okay. I don’t get it. You acted like teaching was a good idea and I—’
‘It is a good idea, but it’s not …’
‘What?’ I demanded, getting all kinds of defensive. ‘It’s not what?’
‘You.’ He glanced at me as he turned right onto Queen Street. ‘It’s not you.’
I stared at him and then barked out a laugh. ‘That’s dumb. How do you know what’s me and what’s not?’ Anger flared in me, and I didn’t dare look too closely at why. ‘You barely know me, Jase.’
‘I know you.’
I scoffed. ‘No, you don’t.’
That infuriating half grin appeared. ‘Oh, Tess …’
‘Don’t “oh, Tess” me. I want to know why you’re so convinced that I’d make a horrible teacher.’
‘I didn’t say you’d make a horrible teacher.’ Amusement danced over his face, and I wanted to know what the hell was so funny. ‘You’d make a great teacher. Kids would probably love you and maybe you’ll be happy with that, but that’s not what you want.’
‘In fact, I like being around kids. Back at the studio, I volunteered to help out with the younger classes.’ Staring out the window, I watched the shopping centers and apartments quickly give way to trees and then open fields. ‘So whatever.’
‘Okay. You’re not getting what I’m saying.’
‘Obviously not,’ I replied tartly.
He sighed. ‘You’d make a great teacher, Tess, but you’re a … you’re a performer. That’s what you’ve always wanted.’
I squeezed my eyes tight, as if doing so somehow blocked out the truth. ‘That’s not what I’ve always wanted to do.’
‘No?’
‘No.’
‘I don’t believe you,’ he said. ‘And here’s why. You’ve been dancing since you could walk. You’re just here until you can start dancing again, right? The whole teaching shit is a backup plan just in case you can’t dance. It’s not what you really want to do. You already admitted that to me.’
My mouth opened and I planned on telling him he was wrong, but dear Lord that was not what came tumbling out of my mouth. ‘A year ago I didn’t think I’d be sitting here, enrolled in college. It hadn’t even crossed my mind. And you’re right. When Dr. Morgan tells me next month that I’m okay to start dancing in three months or whatever, that’s what I will do, because that’s what I loved to do. What’s so wrong with that? I won’t be here, where it feels like I don’t understand anything.’
Jase was quiet for a few moments. ‘Nothing is wrong with that.’
Feeling like I stripped bare and did a naked jig for no reason, I threw my hands up in frustration. ‘Then what’s the point of this conversation?’
He smiled and shrugged one shoulder. ‘I don’t know. You started it.’
‘I did not!’
Jase retorted, ‘Yes, you did. You asked me what I was planning on doing. I was just returning the favor.’
I rolled my eyes. ‘I want to hit you.’
He chuckled.
‘Even more now.’ I shot him a look.
Slowing the Jeep down to turn onto a narrow road that looked vaguely familiar, he tilted his head to the side. A beat of silence passed. ‘Well, if you do end up being around here and deciding to stick with teaching, you’ll be wonderful at it. And if not, then that’s good, too. I know how much dancing means to you.’
I didn’t know what to say about that, but then I realized where we were. Sitting up straight, I peered at the sign dangling from the chain. ‘We’re at the farm?’
‘Yep.’
Sudden nervousness hummed through my veins. ‘Why?’
‘It’s just something I thought about.’ He winked, and I bit back a groan as my stomach flopped in response. ‘You’ll see.’
I turned wide eyes forward as we traveled up the bumpy, uneven road. Beyond the cornstalks and the field where the cows grazed, I saw what I figured Jase was thinking about.
A fissure of fear ran down my spine as I remembered our conversation about dancing and riding horses. ‘Oh no …’
Jase chuckled as he parked the Jeep in front of the barn. ‘You don’t even know what you’re saying no to.’
Pulse picking up, I rubbed my sweaty palms over my jeans and swallowed hard. The last thing I wanted was to die a horrific death in front of the boy I harbored major feels for. ‘Jase, I don’t know about this. Horses are big and I’ve never been on one. I’m probably going to fa—’
He placed the blunt tip of his finger on my lips. Surprise jolted through me. ‘Stop,’ he said softly, his deep gray eyes locking on mine. ‘You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. Okay? You’ve just got to trust me. And you trust me, right?’
Before I could respond, he moved his hand, smoothing the finger along my bottom lip. I shivered as his hand drifted over my chin and then disappeared.
‘Tess?’
Drawing in a short breath, I nodded, but I’d probably agree to play inside a wood chipper if he touched my lips again. ‘I trust you.’
‘Good.’ There was a flash of a quick smile and then he was out of the Jeep.
I tracked him with my eyes, feeling a little dizzy. It was the truth. I did trust him and that was a big deal for me. I really hadn’t trusted any guy since Jeremy, anyone except my brother.
But I had trusted Jase from the moment I had met him.
Chapter 7
I wasn’t going to die today. At least that’s what I kept telling myself as I climbed out into the sticky heat. Summer didn’t want to loosen its hold on this area at all.
My hands trembled as Jase joined me. Unfortunately, he tugged a white shirt on over his head, covering up the feast for my eyes. That was a damn shame, because if I was going to end up breaking my neck today, at least I would do so staring at his chest and abs.
The barn door creaked open, and an older man stepped out. Having never seen him before, I still knew right off the bat he was Jase’s father. It was like staring at Jase thirty years from now.
Hair the same rich, brown color, skin dark from either a life in the sun or long-forgotten ancestry, he was as tall and lean as his son. Steely gray eyes moved from Jase to me and then widened as they returned to his son.
He sat the metal bucket he was carrying down on the gravel as his dark brows furrowed. A small surprised smile appeared on his handsome face.
Jase grinned as he placed a hand on my lower back. ‘Hey, Dad, this is Teresa. She’s Cam’s sister.’
Recognition flared. ‘Cam’s little sister? Ah, the dancer.’
I felt my cheeks flush. How in the world did this man know that? And if that piece of background news had come from my brother, God only knew what else Cam had told him.
‘That’s her,’ Jase replied, moving the hand on my back up a notch.
‘Hi,’ I said, waving my hand as awkwardly as humanly possible.
His father’s smile spread as he strode toward us, his head cocked to the side in a mannerism that reminded me of Jase. ‘You cannot be related to Cam. There is no way a pretty girl like you shares DNA with that ugly mug.’
A surprised laugh broke free. I think I liked this guy.
‘And there is also no way you’re here with this one.’ He nodded his head at Jase, who frowned. ‘You must be lost.’
Okay. I really liked this guy. ‘You’re right. I don’t even know who this person is.’
Jase’s frown slipped into a scowl as he glanced down at me. ‘What the hell?’
I grinned.
His father winked, and in that moment, I realized that Jase got not only his looks, but also his personality from his father. ‘So what are ya’ll doin’ here?’ He pulled a red handkerchief from his back pocket and wiped his hands as he eyed his son. ‘Jack’s with your mom, down at Betty’s.’
‘I know. He goes there every day after school.’ Jase dropped his hand, and the spot along my back tingled. ‘I’m showing Tess the horses.’
Mr. Winstead eyed his son. ‘Well, I’m going to be out back if ya’ll need anything.’
‘We’ll be fine, Dad.’ Jase started to turn.
‘Wasn’t tellin’ you.’ He looked over at me, mischief in his eyes. ‘If this boy’s improper with you, you let me know and I’ll take care of him.’
‘Oh God,’ Jase groaned, rubbing a hand down his jaw. ‘She’s a friend, Dad.’
‘Uh-huh.’ His father backed up, picking up the bucket. ‘Friends with a pretty gal like that, then you’re doing something wrong, son.’
My smile reached my ears as I turned to Jase slowly.
‘Don’t even think it,’ he warned. He looked like he wanted to strangle his dad as he reached down, wrapping his hand around mine. ‘Come on, before I embarrass my father with a good ole-fashioned redneck thumping.’
His father chuckled as he gave our joined hands a pointed look. ‘Friends?’
‘Dad.’ Jase sighed.
I giggled as he tugged me toward the fence and his father disappeared back into the barn. ‘I like your dad.’
He snorted. ‘I’m sure you do.’
‘He acted like you don’t bring … girls here a lot.’
‘I don’t.’ Stopping, he let go of my hand and faced me as he stepped over a small retaining wall. ‘Then again, you just met my dad, so I’m sure you can understand why.’
Part of me was flattered that he had brought me to his home, a place where no other girl had traveled. But I was his friend and the other girls probably weren’t that.
‘Here,’ he said, placing his hands on my hips and lifting me up over the wall like it was nothing to him. ‘There you go.’
‘I could’ve done that,’ I murmured.
He shrugged. ‘I know.’ Taking my hand again, he carefully led me through the high grass, toward the edges of the split-rail fence. ‘Be careful. There’s a damn groundhog or a family of them living on this farm. Holes everywhere.’
‘Okay.’ I wasn’t thinking about farms or groundhogs. Focused on the weight and feel of his hand wrapped firmly around mine, I had little room in my mind to worry about holes in the ground.
He was quiet as he guided me toward the gate in the split rail. Letting go of my hand, he unhooked the lock. Hinges groaned as the metal gates swung open.
I hesitated. ‘I don’t know about this.’
An easy grin appeared as he swaggered up to where I stood. ‘Tess, come on. You said you trust me.’
Shifting my weight from foot to foot, I stared over his shoulder. At the other end of the large pen, two horses grazed, their black tails flicking idly. ‘I do trust you.’
‘Then come with me.’
One of the horses, its coat a mixture of black and white, reared its massive head. It turned, angling its muzzle toward our side of the fence. Neither of the horses had saddles on.
‘They’re not going to trample you to death.’ He took my hand again. ‘And I don’t even expect you to get on one.’
My chin jerked up. ‘You don’t?’
He smiled slightly as he caught a piece of hair that blew across my face, tucking it back. ‘No. This is a horse meet and greet.’
‘I’ve never done a horse meet and greet before.’
‘You’re going to love them.’ He pulled me forward, and my lips twitched. ‘They really are gentle. Jack’s been on them a million times, and if I thought they were dangerous, he wouldn’t be anywhere near them.’
That was a good point. ‘Okay,’ I said, taking a deep breath. ‘Let’s do this.’
He didn’t give me a chance to second-guess myself. Within seconds we were inside the pen. Another steel bucket sat on the ground, full of grain. ‘I’m going to call them over, okay? They’re going to come flying. It’s close to feeding time. So be ready.’
Throat tight, I nodded.
My fear seemed a little unreasonable up until Jase lifted two fingers to his perfectly formed mouth and let loose a high-pitched whistle. The horses’ heads jerked up and then they took off, their hooves pounding on the beaten earth, racing straight for us.
Holy crap.
I took a step back, hitting an unmovable wall of muscle that was Jase and bouncing off. An arm wrapped around my waist from behind when I started to move away, keeping me firmly in place, his front pressed to my back.
‘It’s okay.’ His breath was warm against my ear, and I was torn between being freaked out over the dinosaurs heading our way and freaked out over the fact I was in Jase’s arms. ‘You’re doing great.’
I gripped his arm as I squeezed my eyes shut. My heart worked overtime, jumping around in my chest as the thunder of the hooves grew closer, shaking the ground. A sudden plume of dust filled the air and a warm, wet breeze caressed my face. I pressed back against Jase, straining away.
‘You got a visitor, Tess.’ He rested his chin atop my head, which caused my pulse to try to outrun my heart. ‘Two of them to be exact.’
‘Okay.’
There was a pause. ‘Are your eyes closed?’
‘No.’
His chin slid off my head and then his chest rumbled as he laughed. ‘Your eyes are closed.’ He laughed again. ‘Open them up.’
Cursing under my breath, I pried one eye open and then jerked against him. His arm tightened. ‘Oh wow …’
The black-and-white horse was the closest, standing mere feet away from me. The brown one wasn’t too far, shaking its head and making soft snorts. My eyes were wide as they bounced between the two creatures. ‘They’re not carnivorous, right? Because at their size, they could eat me.’
Jase laughed deeply as his hand shifted up, resting in the center of my stomach, just below my breasts. ‘Horses do not eat people, you little idiot.’
I started, eyes narrowing. ‘There’s always a first.’
The lips pulled back on the black-and-white horse as if it was smirking at me.
‘This one right here? Mr. Friendly? Jack calls him Bubba One,’ he said in a quiet, calming voice. But air hitched in my throat when his thumb moved in a slow circle over the thin material of my tank top, hitting against the wire in my bra. ‘And the brown one is Bubba Two.’
Mouth dry, I wetted my lips. ‘That’s good for remembering names.’
He chuckled as his pinkie and forefinger started to move up and down, reaching my belly button and then sliding back up. It was almost as if he was unaware of what he was doing, or the electrifying response the tiny motions were dragging out of me. ‘I think so too, but his real name is Lightning.’
Said horse shook his head, tossing the shaggy mane.
‘Lightning seems to be a more suitable name,’ I admitted, relaxing as the seconds passed. Maybe that was his intention. Distract me with the soft, almost innocent touches. It was working. ‘What about Bubba Two?’
‘Ah, the one who is staring at the pail like it’s the holy mecca of grain?’ His cheek grazed mine as I laughed. ‘That’s Thunder. And we’re going to feed them. Together.’
The friction his fingers created with my shirt sent tiny shivers up and down my back. ‘With our hands?’
His answering laugh tipped the corners of my lips up. ‘Yes. With our hands.’
‘After checking out the choppers on them, I’m not so sure about that.’
‘You’ll be okay.’ He slid his hand off my stomach and wrapped it around my wrist. Slowly, he lifted my hand out in front of me. ‘Hold still.’
My heart lurched. ‘Jase—’
Lightning trotted forward and pressed his wet nose against my hand. I cringed, waiting for him to eat my poor fingers. The horse didn’t. Nope. It nudged my hand as it whinnied softly.
He guided my hand up over Lightning’s jaw, all the way to the pointy, twitchy ears. ‘See?’ he murmured. ‘That’s not too bad, is it?’
I shook my head as my fingers curled along the soft coat. Lightning seemed to anticipate the direction of the petting, pressing his long head against my hand as my fingers tangled in his mane. It wasn’t bad at all.
Jase shifted behind me, and in an instant all thoughts of the horses evaporated. His hips lined up against my backside, and I bit down on my lower lip as I focused on the white splotch covering Lightning’s muzzle.
I could feel him—feel Jase. And there was absolutely no doubt in my mind that he was affected by how close we were standing. That knowledge and the hard length of him left me dizzy, just like it had done that Saturday night. An all too warm flush spread down my neck. In the back of my head, I was rationalizing his physical reaction. He was a guy. Our bodies were pressed together. If a wind blew on a guy’s private area, they got hard. So I should just ignore it, but my body was so not on board with my head. My body was operating on a different playing field. An ache centered low in my stomach. A sharp and sweet yearning raced through my veins.
‘Not so scary, right?’ His voice was deeper, richer. ‘They’re like dogs. Well, like a dog that can carry around two hundred pounds, if not more.’ Hand sliding off mine, he stepped back, and the sudden emptiness of his body was like a cold shock. ‘Trust me.’
Then he smacked my ass.
I yelped, eyes widening as I started to turn toward him, but Lightning, apparently annoyed with the lack of attention, nosed my arm. ‘Uh …’
‘It’s okay. You were just petting him. And he didn’t eat your hand.’
I considered that as Lightning stared at me with dark eyes. Scratching him behind the ear, I was still scared out of my mind. The size of the horses was astonishing up close, and I honestly couldn’t ever picture myself sitting astride them, especially one named Lightning.
Jase returned to my side, sitting the bucket between us. Thunder followed, tail twitching in impatience. After kneeling and scooping up a handful of oats, Jase rose. The brown muzzle immediately went for his hand as Jase looked over at me. ‘It’s that easy.’
While letting a horse eat out of my hand wasn’t something I imagined doing, I didn’t complain when Jase dumped some oats in my open palm. Face scrunched, I offered my hand to Lightning.
‘You should see yourself right now.’ Jase laughed as he shook his head. ‘It’s cute.’
And probably a bit ridiculous. My cheeks warmed as Lightning nosed around the oats in my hand. ‘Picky eater?’
Jase grinned as he rubbed Thunder’s neck with his free hand. ‘I think he’s taking his time because he likes you.’
‘Is that so?’ I smiled as I slowly reached out with my other hand, caressing the elegant muzzle. Several moments passed as I considered how I ended up here. This was more than just a horse meet and greet for no reason. I got what Jase was trying to do. It all stemmed back to the conversation in his Jeep. Substituting the rush of adrenaline and pleasure dancing brought me with something else.
The fact that he even cared enough to do this, to take the time, moved me. More than a stolen kiss a year ago or brief touches now could. Emotion clogged my throat as Lightning nibbled at the oats, tickling my palm.
I didn’t know why Jase was doing this for me. Yes, we were friends—friends for a while now. When he visited Cam, he’d also visited me, but this seemed like more than what a friend would do.
Then again, I wasn’t an expert on friends.
As I stood there, the light breeze doing nothing to erase the fine sheen of humidity coating my skin, I realized with sudden clarity that I was really quite … friendless. Because if Sadi or any of my studio friends were true friends, we’d still be in contact even if we no longer shared a common goal. It wasn’t just envy or bitterness that stood between us. Without dance, there just wasn’t anything there.
I swallowed the burn in my throat. ‘Is it really like flying?’
Jase glanced over at me and nodded. ‘It is.’
Pushing the thickness down again, I returned my attention to Lightning, scooping up more oats once he’d finished with what I held. There was something peaceful about all this—the quiet of the farm, the simple act.
‘This isn’t bad,’ I admitted quietly.
‘I know. It will be better once you understand what here is to you.’
I bit my lip, remembering what I’d said in the Jeep. ‘When did you get so wise sounding?’
‘I’ve always been extremely wise. So much so, I consider it a curse.’
I laughed softly.
‘Actually, it’s experience. Things come along you don’t expect all the time, Tess. Trust me. Things that change everything about your life—about what you thought you wanted, who you thought you were. Things that make you reevaluate everything and even if it doesn’t sound like a good thing in the beginning?’ He shrugged as he settled his gaze on Thunder. ‘Sometimes they turn out better than you could’ve ever imagined.’
The way clarity rang in his voice, I had no doubt in my mind he had firsthand experience with the unexpected.
‘You know something?’ Jase asked after a couple of minutes passed. ‘What Jacob said in the Den yesterday wasn’t true.’
The swift change of the subject startled me. As Lightning ate out of my palm, I looked at Jase. ‘What?’
Thunder, done eating, turned and trotted off as Jase wiped his hands along his jeans. He sauntered up to where I stood, idly scratching Lightning’s ear since I dropped my free hand. ‘You know what I’m talking about, Tess. And I know why you left immediately afterward.’
My first response was to deny, because denial was almost always easier than facing the truth. Especially when the truth was sort of humiliating. But Jase had intimate knowledge of said truth. Right now, denial would just make me look stupid.
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