The Nurse's Baby Secret
Janice Lynn
Pregnant with the brooding doctor’s baby…Nurse Savannah Carter is ecstatic to discover she’s expecting, but before she can share the joyful news with the baby’s father—gorgeous Dr Charlie Keele—he stuns her with the announcement he’s leaving town.Charlie knows Savannah deserves better than he can give her, and pushing her away is for her own good, but that doesn’t make leaving any easier. Then he discovers Savannah is pregnant! Now he must win back the woman he loves…and convince her how much he wants to be a family with their beautiful baby.
Pregnant with the brooding doctor’s baby...
Nurse Savannah Carter is ecstatic to discover she’s expecting, but before she can share the joyful news with the baby’s father—gorgeous Dr. Charlie Keele—he stuns her with the announcement he’s leaving town.
Charlie knows Savannah deserves better than he can give her, and pushing her away is for her own good, but that doesn’t make leaving any easier. Then he discovers Savannah is pregnant! Now he must win back the woman he loves...and convince her how much he wants to be a family with their beautiful baby.
Dear Reader (#ube700346-bfb4-544f-88a0-7de8bca06a99),
I instantly connected with nurse Savannah Carter, and found myself going through many of the same emotions as she did while dealing with sexy but frustrating Dr Charlie Keele.
Charlie is a bit of a rambling man. He thinks he’s no good for Savannah—or any woman—and he usually doesn’t allow himself to get attached. Unfortunately he is second-guessing the career opportunity of a lifetime because of his relationship with Savannah. Which meant he has to take it.
Savannah was raised to be a strong, independent woman, and she’s quite proud of those traits. So when Charlie breaks things off not only is her heart broken, her pride is severely wounded. And now there’s a baby on the way.
Together they have to overcome the past, deal with the present and forge a future. I hope you enjoy their story as much as I did. I love to hear from readers, so feel free to shoot me an email at janice@janicelynn.net.
Happy reading,
Janice
The Nurse’s Baby Secret
Janice Lynn
www.millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk)
Books by Janice Lynn (#ube700346-bfb4-544f-88a0-7de8bca06a99)
Mills & Boon Medical Romance
After the Christmas Party...
Flirting with the Doc of Her Dreams
New York Doc to Blushing Bride
Winter Wedding in Vegas
Sizzling Nights with Dr. Off-Limits
It Started at Christmas...
Visit the Author Profile page at millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk) for more titles.
Janice won the National Readers’ Choice Award for her first book, The Doctor’s Pregnancy Bombshell.
To Jessie & Rebecca—may your love story be one for the ages.
Praise for Janice Lynn (#ube700346-bfb4-544f-88a0-7de8bca06a99)
‘Fun, witty and sexy... A heartfelt, sensual and compelling read.’
—Goodreads on NYC Angels: Heiress’s Baby Scandal
Contents
Cover (#u07851b63-6dbe-504c-aa6f-2a3875242fc0)
Back Cover Text (#ucd50008d-31c1-52c9-900c-344a7128e064)
Dear Reader (#uaf4cae28-8251-5f27-907e-b0ebabf61155)
Title Page (#u40de064b-19a1-5090-903a-6a426505c2b8)
Booklist (#u4e70a5ac-1674-56e6-a3eb-e1ed3250c7e5)
Dedication (#ub3b549d7-f25c-5926-b26a-ada84dfeec31)
Praise (#ud1aba63f-0513-56da-a876-a549828490ea)
CHAPTER ONE (#ubfe236ea-29e4-5356-b678-60dbe0bc73fa)
CHAPTER TWO (#ua8432f5c-9d57-57c3-87d7-2b0b86a7cd25)
CHAPTER THREE (#ub24027cf-4102-5098-bdb5-44ca7ffaab02)
CHAPTER FOUR (#ubfe0eebd-6e8c-5884-96ce-b3d0c13a41e1)
CHAPTER FIVE (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER SIX (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER SEVEN (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER EIGHT (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER NINE (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER TEN (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER ELEVEN (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER TWELVE (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER THIRTEEN (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER FOURTEEN (#litres_trial_promo)
EPILOGUE (#litres_trial_promo)
Extract (#litres_trial_promo)
Copyright (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER ONE (#ube700346-bfb4-544f-88a0-7de8bca06a99)
NURSE SAVANNAH CARTER stared at her flat lower abdomen via the reflection in her bedroom mirror, imagining she saw the tiniest outline of a bulge if she stood just right.
Pregnant. Her.
How long had she dreamed of this moment?
Years. Her whole life.
She’d always wanted children. Always.
Sure, she’d thought she’d be married and have a husband who was going to be an amazing father to her precious child, but since when had things gone according to plan?
Never, really. Just as this pregnancy wasn’t planned. But she couldn’t complain. She had a good life. A great life. A great man in her life.
Charlie Keele was a wonderful person and doctor, and if her baby ended up with a more than generous share of Charlie’s genetic code, well, her baby would be a blessed child.
Charlie was brilliant, gorgeous, athletic, a man who respected her independence and beliefs, and he’d been Lucky Savannah’s boyfriend for the past year.
Lucky Savannah. She smiled at the nickname. That was what her friends had been calling her since the first time Charlie had singled her out at the hospital. They’d teased even more as she and Charlie had slid into an exclusive relationship. These days she and Charlie were inseparable. They exercised together, ate more meals together than not, worked together, and practically lived together. She suspected they would soon. For quite some time she’d been expecting Charlie to ask her to move in with him.
Expecting him to propose.
Charlie owned a beautiful brick home with lots of room and an amazing fenced-in backyard just right for a family, in an up-and-coming neighborhood. If he hadn’t mentioned living together first, when her apartment lease came up for renewing, she planned to discuss moving in with him.
She was having Charlie’s baby. That might rush things a bit, which she regretted. She wanted him to ask her to live with him, to marry him, when he was ready, because he couldn’t imagine spending the rest of his life without her. She had no doubt that was where their relationship was headed and she had no regrets regarding her accidental pregnancy.
She wanted Charlie and she wanted his baby.
Although she’d dated in the past, she’d never met a man like Charlie. Never felt for a man what she felt for Charlie. Never felt as cherished as Charlie made her feel. It was what her parents had had prior to her father’s death when Savannah was seven years old. It was what Savannah had always known she’d hold out for. She didn’t need a man, but having a good one in her life gave a shiny glow to everything.
A shiny glow she’d found with Charlie.
She pressed her hand over her belly, trying to imagine that she could feel the little life inside her. Charlie’s baby.
Her and Charlie’s baby.
A miniature version of them growing inside her.
Savannah’s smile widened as her imagination took off. His brown hair and eyes and her fair skin? Or his strong, handsome facial features and cleft chin and her blue eyes? Or maybe her red hair and his dark features? Or...the possibilities were endless. Regardless, their baby would be beautiful. Would be loved. Would be their whole world.
A baby!
They’d not talked about children, but Charlie would be happy. He loved her. He hadn’t said the words out loud, but Savannah knew. She saw it in the way he looked at her, in the way he touched her, kissed her, treated her as if she was the center of his world. Charlie Keele was in love with her and would be ecstatic at their news.
She really was a lucky woman.
She was having the most wonderful man in the world’s baby. They were going to be a family and have a fabulous life.
Feeling as if she was floating, she glanced at her watch. He’d be here in a couple of hours. She’d tell him their news. He’d kiss her, twirl her around, sweep her off her feet, maybe even propose. Something grand, for sure.
Her hair and make-up were done up a little more than her usual ponytail pullback and light coating of mascara, just in case.
Maybe she should drop some hints and let him figure out her news in some creative way. Like a blue and pink cupcake or maybe she could get him to take her to a toy store under the guise of picking up a gift for her friend Chrissie’s son, Joss. They could stroll through the baby section and she could ooh and aah over the tiny little outfits. Or she could fill up his car with pink and blue balloons or... A dozen reveal ideas came to her, each one putting a bigger smile on her face.
Wouldn’t he be surprised when he realized?
Reality was, she’d never be able to keep the news from him for long. Already she was about to pop with excitement just waiting for him to arrive. No doubt he’d take one look at her and know.
She probably had a pregnancy glow.
Savannah laughed out loud, the happy sound echoing around her bathroom.
They were having a baby.
A baby! How amazing was that?
Needing to burn some of her energy while she waited for him, she hid the pregnancy test she’d done when her menstrual cycle had failed to make an appearance. Even if he beat her back, she wanted to see his face when he found out he was going to be a father.
When all evidence was safely tucked away, she grabbed her purse to head to the nearest department store.
There were some little pink and blue items she just had to have.
* * *
Frowning, Dr. Charlie Keele stared at the contract on his desk.
The signed and countersigned contract.
He’d done it.
He’d debated back and forth over the past month, but he’d really done it. He’d signed on to accept a job two hours away.
Taking the position was an amazing opportunity, but he had hesitated and he’d known why.
Savannah.
She’d become such an intrinsic part of his life, completely entangled in everything he did. He struggled to imagine leaving Chattanooga and the most remarkable woman he’d ever known.
But every time he’d considered turning down the offer, the past had reared its ugly head, reminding him of all the reasons why he should go.
He’d signed his name on that line for Savannah as much as for himself. More.
Savannah was an incredible woman. One unlike any he’d ever known or dated. Sure, he’d had a few long-term relationships over the years, but none that he’d ever thought twice about walking away from. Walking away had always been easy.
Nothing about leaving Chattanooga would be easy, except knowing that he was doing the right thing for Savannah by leaving before she became any more attached.
She was the most independent woman he’d ever met. He’d not expected her to get so intertwined in his life. Nor had he expected himself to become so tangled up in hers.
“Don’t let a woman hold you back from your dream, son.”
How many times had he heard that or something similar over the years? His father had dreamt of medical school, of working as a travel doctor with an organization such as Doctors Without Borders, of dedicating his life to medicine. Instead, he’d gotten his girlfriend pregnant, dropped out of college and gotten a coal-mining job to support his new family.
He’d resented his wife and child every day since for those stolen dreams. Charlie’s mother and Charlie had never been able to replace those dreams and his father had grown more and more bitter over the years. Rupert Keele had pushed Charlie toward going into the medical profession from the time Charlie could walk and talk. Talking about medicine, about becoming a doctor and traveling the world to take care of needy people, was the one time Charlie’s father liked having him around. For years Charlie had thought if he could make his father proud, that might make his father love him, might make life better for himself and his mother. He’d tried his best but, no matter how good the grade, the game performance, the above and beyond achievement, nothing had ever been good enough. Rupert hadn’t cared one iota about anything or anyone except himself.
Charlie’s mother hadn’t been much better, blaming Charlie for her lot in life as well.
Sometimes Charlie wondered if he’d have chosen something besides medicine if he hadn’t been brainwashed from birth and so eager to try to win his mostly uninterested father’s affections in the hopes it would somehow magically transform his parents into good ones. Regardless, when Charlie had been eleven, his maternal grandfather’s congestive heart failure had worsened and Charlie had decided that, rather than work as a travel doctor, he wanted to do cardiology, to work on healing people’s physical hearts, because he sure hadn’t been able to do anything with his parents’.
Charlie had dreamed of heading up a cardiology unit his whole life and now he had the chance.
* * *
If he’d learned nothing else from his parents, he’d learned giving up one’s dreams only led to misery for all concerned and that he couldn’t protect anyone from that misery, not himself or the people he cared about.
Which was why he was leaving Chattanooga to set Savannah free.
To truly accomplish that, he’d have to hurt her, make her hate him.
Based on past experience, that should be no problem.
* * *
Stuffing the last of the shopping bags into her closet, Savannah closed the door just as her doorbell rang.
Charlie was there.
Finally.
He had a key but always rang the bell rather than just coming in, as she’d asked him time and again.
She turned from the closet and a pair of blue baby booties sitting on the bed caught her eye.
Oops.
She grabbed up the soft cotton booties, hugged them to her for one brief happy moment, then put them in the closet with her other purchases and reclosed the door. She’d decided she was just going to place his hand on her belly and let him figure out for himself why. She’d watch as his face lit with surprise, then excitement. She felt so giddy her insides quivered.
“You okay?” Charlie asked when she opened her apartment door, his dark eyes curious as she had taken longer than usual.
By way of an answer, she wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed her lips to his.
Immediately, his arms went around her waist and pulled her close, kissing her back. A thousand butterflies took flight in her belly that had nothing to do with the little life growing there and everything to do with the man making her heart race.
His kisses always made her heart race.
“Hmm,” he mused, looking confused, when he pulled back from her mouth. “What was that for?”
“Do I have to have a reason to kiss you?” she asked, batting her lashes. She wanted to just tell him, to jump up and down and scream to the world that she was having a baby—Charlie’s baby. But, seriously, she should probably let him into the apartment and close the front door before doing so.
Probably.
Frowning, he shook his head. “You have to admit, that’s not the usual way you greet me.”
“Well, it should be.” He was right. She didn’t meet him at the door and throw herself at him usually, but nothing was usual about tonight. Tonight, she was going to tell him the greatest news.
His brow lifted in question.
About to burst with excitement, she searched for the right words. Loving the strong feel of him, the spicy smell of him she wanted to breathe in until he permeated all her senses. “I have good news.”
She was about bursting to tell him. But it registered that he’d yet to smile, as his face took on a tired appearance and he closed his eyes, tension tightening his body. “I have something to tell you, too.”
“You do?” She stepped back and motioned for him to come into her apartment. Rather than sitting down, he paced across to the opposite side of the living room.
“Yes, and maybe I should go first.” He raked his fingers through his hair, turned, gave her a troubled look.
The cloud nine Savannah had been walking on all afternoon dissipated and she felt her stomach drop. She’d been off work, but had met him that morning to run at the greenway. Then, they’d hit the gym together for about an hour. He’d been all smiles when he’d walked her to her car and kissed her goodbye. He’d kissed her so thoroughly and soundly that she’d wanted to drag him into the backseat and have her way with him.
Not that that was anything new. She always wanted to have her way with Charlie. He had that kind of body. One she still had difficulty believing she got to see and touch and kiss and hold and...
She shook off the sensual rabbit hole her mind was jumping down. “What’s going on?”
“I didn’t mean to get into this first thing.” He paced over to a bookshelf, picked up a framed photo of them at Lookout Mountain, stared at the smiling image of them as if he’d never seen it before rather than being part of the couple in the picture. “But it’s just as well to get it out in the open.”
He was the most upfront person she knew. She’d never seen him so distracted. Was something wrong?
“Charlie?”
He set the photo down, turned and faced her. His expression was clouded, which was odd. Charlie never tried to keep his feelings from her. He’d never had to. He knew she was as crazy about him as he was about her.
Only right now, at this moment, he didn’t look like a man who was crazy about her. He looked like a man who was torn by whatever he was about to say, a man who was about to deliver earth-shattering news.
Fear seized Savannah’s heart and she struggled to get enough oxygen into her constricted lungs.
“Charlie?” she repeated, this time with more urgency.
“Have a seat, Savannah.”
She made her way to her sofa. Slowly, she sat down and waited for him to tell her what was going on. She didn’t like his odd behavior, didn’t like that he hadn’t greeted her with smiles the way he generally did, didn’t like the way her heart worked overtime.
Where was her loving, kind, generous, open lover of the past year? The man whose entire face would light with happiness when he saw her? The man whose eyes would eat her up with possessiveness and desire and magical feel-good vibes?
The man avoiding looking directly at her looked as if he was about to deliver the news that she had a terminal illness or something just as devastating.
What if...? Her hands trembled.
Oh, God. Please don’t let something be wrong with Charlie. Please, no.
Not now. Not ever.
“I’m leaving.”
His two simple words echoed around the room, not registering in Savannah’s mind.
“What?” Her chest muscles contracted tightly around her ribcage as she tried to process what he was saying, her brain still going to something possibly being wrong with him. “What do you mean that you’re leaving?”
His expression guarded, he shrugged. “I’m leaving Chattanooga. I’ve taken a cardiology position at Vanderbilt Medical Center in Nashville on the heart failure team and I’m moving there as soon as I can get everything arranged. I turned my notice in at the hospital today.”
Her ears roared. What he was saying didn’t make sense. “You’re leaving the hospital?”
He nodded. “I’m working out a two months’ notice, during which time I’ll be relocating to Nashville.”
“But...your house.” The house she’d imagined them raising their child in. The big backyard. The nice neighborhood close to good schools. The large rooms. Perfect for a family.
“I’ll put it up for sale. I only bought it because I knew I could turn it for a profit. I never meant to stay there. It’s way too big for my needs.”
Never meant to stay. Too big for his needs. Savannah’s head spun.
He’d never meant to stay.
Nothing he said made sense. Not to her way of thinking. Not to the promises she’d seen in his eyes, felt in his touch.
“You’ve always known you’d leave Chattanooga?”
She liked Chattanooga. The mountains. The river. The nightlife. The people. The town. She liked it. Chattanooga was home, where she wanted to be.
“I’ve never stayed in one place more than a few years and even once I’m in Nashville, if the opportunity comes along to further my career elsewhere, I’ll move.”
Her brain didn’t seem to be processing anything correctly. Perhaps it was baby brain. Perhaps it was that he’d dropped the bottom out of her world.
“This is about your career?” she asked slowly, trying to make sure she understood what he was saying.
Because she didn’t understand anything he was saying.
He was happy in Chattanooga. Why would he willingly leave? Why hadn’t she known he planned to leave some day?
“I’ve taken a teaching and research position at the university and a prestigious position at the hospital. It’s a great opportunity.”
What he said registered. Sort of. “You’re moving to Nashville?”
He nodded. “The hospital is offering a relocation package. Hopefully, I’ll find something to buy or rent within the next few weeks so I can be settled in prior to starting.”
“Hopefully,” she mumbled a little sarcastically.
He was leaving. Not once had he said a word to her about the possibility that he might leave. Not once had he mentioned that he was looking for another job. That he’d consider another job even if it was handed to him on a silver platter.
He’d made the decision without even discussing it with her. Her mother, family, and friends were here. She didn’t want to move to Nashville. Upset didn’t begin to cover it.
“I don’t want to live two hours away from the man I’m dating,” she pointed out what she thought should be obvious. “I like that I see you every morning, that we work out together, that I get to see you from time to time at work, that I get to grab dinner with you, that you get to kiss me goodnight almost every single night.” Did she sound whiny? If so, too bad. She felt whiny. And angry. How could he take a job in Nashville? “That’s not going to happen if you’re in Nashville and I’m in Chattanooga. Do you expect me to just sit around waiting for you to have time to come home or that I’m going to be commuting back and forth to Nashville between shifts?”
He regarded her for long moments, his expression guarded. “I don’t expect you to do either.”
What he was saying hit her.
A knife twisted in her heart and she instantly rejected the idea.
That couldn’t be what he meant.
Of course that was what he was saying. That he’d not even mentioned he was thinking about moving, about taking a different job, that she hadn’t warranted that tidbit of information, spoke volumes. He was breaking up with her.
“You’ve never mentioned that you planned to move.” Her words sounded lame even to herself. So what? She was reeling.
Reeling.
Maybe he meant for her to go with him. Maybe he wasn’t ending things. Maybe she’d jumped to all the wrong conclusions when he’d said he was leaving. Maybe he looked so stressed because he was worried she wouldn’t go with him.
The reality was she didn’t want to move to Nashville. She loved her job and coworkers at Chattanooga Memorial Hospital. She wanted to stay in her hometown, to be near her family, her friends, all the things that were familiar. She wanted to raise her baby near her home, where her child would grow up knowing her family and being surrounded by their love.
Her baby.
She was pregnant.
Charlie was leaving.
With obvious annoyance, he crossed his arms. “I never mentioned that I planned to stay, either.”
Ouch. Had she seen blood oozing from her chest, she wouldn’t have been surprised. His comment wounded that much.
“No,” she began, wondering how she could have been so terribly wrong about his feelings.
His eyes were narrowed, his tone almost accusing. “Nor have I ever implied that I would stay.”
He was right. He hadn’t. She’d been the one to make assumptions. Very wrong assumptions.
Her silence must have gotten to him because he paced across the room, then turned to her with a reproving look.
“Good grief, Savannah. I’ve taken a job that’s a wonderful opportunity. Be happy for me.”
Tears burned her eyes, but she refused to let them fall. Instead of telling him what he wanted to hear, she shook her head. “No, I’m not going to say I’m happy for you. Not when this news came about the way it did. We’ve been involved for months. You should have told me you planned to move. I deserved a warning about something so big. For that matter, we should have discussed this before you made that decision.”
His jaw worked back and forth. “I don’t have to have your permission to move or take a different job, Savannah.”
If she weren’t sitting on the sofa, she’d likely have staggered back from his verbal blow. Truly, there must be a gaping hole in her chest because her very heart had been yanked from her body. “Agreed. You don’t.”
“I never meant for you to think I’d stay in Chattanooga, or that I wanted to stay.”
She interpreted that as he’d never meant for her to assume he was going to stay, or want to stay, with her.
She’d been such a fool. She’d believed he loved her, had believed the light in his eyes when he looked at her was love, the real deal. She’d just seen what she’d wanted to see. Whatever that look had been, she’d never seen or felt it with past boyfriends. Maybe she’d mistaken phenomenal sexual chemistry with love. She wouldn’t be the first woman to have done so in the history of the world.
Devastation and anger competed for priority in her betrayed head.
She met his gaze and refused to look away, despite how much staring into his dark eyes hurt. They were ending. She’d thought everything had been so perfect and he’d been planning their end. “I think you should leave,” she began, knowing that she wasn’t going to be able to hold her grief in much longer and not wanting him to witness her emotional breakdown.
She was going to break down. Majorly.
He started to say something but, shoulders straight, chin tilted upward, she stopped him.
“That you made this decision without involving me tells me everything I need to know about our relationship, Charlie. We aren’t on the same page and apparently never were. My bad. Now that I know we don’t want the same things from our relationship, there is no relationship. I want you to leave. We’re through.”
There. She’d been the first one to say the words out loud. Sure, he’d been dancing all around the truth of it, but she’d put them out there.
Not once since she’d seen that little blue line appear had she considered that he wouldn’t be happy about the news...that he wouldn’t be there for their child.
That he wouldn’t be there, period.
CHAPTER TWO (#ube700346-bfb4-544f-88a0-7de8bca06a99)
CHARLIE SMILED AT the petite lady he’d grown quite fond of over the past couple of years he’d been her cardiologist. “Now, now, Mrs. Evans. You’ll be just fine under Dr. Flowers’ care. He’s an excellent cardiologist.”
“But you know me,” the woman explained, not happy about his announcement that he was relocating. “If it wasn’t for having to cross that mountain halfway in between, I’d follow you to Nashville.”
“I’m flattered that you’d even consider doing so, but you don’t need a cardiologist who is two hours away. Mountain or no mountain, that’s not a good plan.”
“Then I guess you should change your mind and stay.”
If ever there was a time he considered changing his mind about his move it would have been the night before at Savannah’s apartment. The betrayed look on her face had gutted him, but he’d accomplished what he’d set out to do.
He’d set Savannah free and let her keep her pride by her being the one to say the words. He’d needed to let her out, but he hadn’t wanted to break her spirit.
Things were as they should be.
He was single, free to make the decisions for his life without her or any woman’s interference, and she was free of him and his baggage.
His father’s dying words had been pleas to Charlie never to be controlled by what was in his pants, and a declaration that no woman was worth giving up one’s dreams.
“Marriage and kids suck the life right out of you, son,” his father had told him. “You go after your dreams and you make them happen. You be the best doctor this country has ever seen and don’t you let a woman stand in your way, no matter how pretty she is. In the long run, she will eat at your soul until you despise her for taking away your dreams.”
Those had been the exact words from his last conversation with his father. He’d heard similar all his life, had known that was how his father felt about his mother, him.
Although he’d become way too involved with Savannah for far too long, Charlie wouldn’t let any woman tie him down.
Not because of his father, but because of not wanting to relive the hell of what he’d grown up with. He’d been a burden to his parents, had ruined their lives; he’d been unable to protect his mother from his father’s abuse, unable to protect her from the misery he’d caused. Charlie would never marry nor have children. Never.
He’d ruined enough lives during his lifetime already.
“You hear something different, doc?”
Charlie blinked at the elderly woman he’d been checking and instantly felt remorse at his mental slip into the past. Crazy that this move had him thinking so much about his parents, his failure of a family, his past. All things he did his best to keep buried. Maybe that had been the problem over the past year. He’d kept his past so deeply buried that he’d forgotten all the reasons why he shouldn’t have gotten so involved with Savannah. No more.
“No,” he told the woman with a forced smile. “Just listening to your heart sounds. Your heart is in rhythm today.”
“My heart is in rhythm every day. Just some days that rhythm isn’t such a good one.”
He finished examining her, then saw the rest of his morning patients. Typically, this was the time he’d go to the cardiovascular intensive care unit, see his inpatients, see if his favorite CVICU nurse could sneak away to grab a bite of lunch.
He’d gotten too attached to Savannah.
For both their sakes, he’d been right to take the job in Nashville. She might not realize it yet, but he’d done her the greatest favor of her life.
* * *
“You don’t seem yourself today.”
Savannah glanced up at her nurse supervisor, who also happened to be one of her dearest friends. Should she tell Chrissie the truth?
If so, how much of the truth?
The man I thought I was spending the rest of my life with told me last night that he’s moving two hours away? Or, I’m pregnant by a man I was crazy about but currently just want to strangle?
Neither seemed the right thing to say at work, where she had to hold it together and not cry out her frustrations.
“I’m okay.”
Chrissie’s brow lifted. “You usually walk around as if your feet aren’t affected by gravity. I’ve not seen you smile all day. So I’m not buying ‘okay’.”
Savannah gave a semblance of a smile that was mostly bared teeth.
Chrissie winced. “That bad?”
Savannah nodded. “Worse.”
“You and Charlie have an argument?”
Had they argued? Not really. More like he’d told her he was moving and she’d verbalized that they were through.
“I heard he turned his notice in yesterday. I wasn’t going to say anything until you did, but you’ve looked so miserable today that I couldn’t hold it in any longer.”
There it was. Confirmation that he was leaving. Everyone knew. Charlie was leaving her.
“I’m not sure what to say. My boyfriend—former boyfriend,” she corrected, “is moving out of town. I was shocked by the news and haven’t quite recovered.”
Chrissie’s expression pinched. “You didn’t know?”
“You probably knew before I did.”
Her friend’s eyes widened. “He hadn’t mentioned he was considering a move to Nashville?”
Savannah shook her head. “Not even a peep.”
Chrissie looked blown away. “What was he thinking? He should have talked such a big decision over with you.”
Maybe her expectations hadn’t been unfounded if Chrissie thought the same thing as she had. What was she thinking? Of course he should have mentioned the possibility of a move. They’d been inseparable for months. Her anger was well founded.
“Apparently not.”
“You said ‘former boyfriend’,” Chrissie pointed out. “You two are finished, then?”
Savannah had to fight to keep her hand from covering her lower abdomen. She and Charlie would never be finished. There would always be a tie that bound them.
A child that bound them.
Still, she didn’t need him, would not allow herself to need him. Some fools never learned, but she wasn’t going to fall into that category.
Toying with her stethoscope, she shrugged and told the truth. “Yeah, as a couple, we’re finished.”
* * *
Wincing, Charlie paused in the hallway. Neither woman had noticed him walking up behind them. Neither one knew he was overhearing their conversation.
Should he clear his throat or something?
He shouldn’t feel guilty for eavesdropping. If they didn’t want someone to overhear their conversation they shouldn’t be having it in the middle of the CVICU hallway.
“I’m sorry to hear that,” Chrissie told Savannah, giving her a quick hug. “I thought you two were perfect together.”
Perfect together.
They had been perfect together, but wasn’t that the way most relationships started? All happy faces and rainbows? It was what came along after the happy faces and rainbows faded that was the problem.
He was just leaving before the bright and shiny faded, before hell set in and people died.
Charlie absolutely was not going to be like his father.
If Rupert had been miserable at giving up his dream of a career in medicine, then he’d made Charlie’s mother doubly so until her death in a car accident when Charlie had been fifteen. That had been after a particularly gruesome argument that Charlie had tried to stop. He’d never forgiven himself that he hadn’t been able to protect her from his father. He’d tried, failed, and look what had happened, at what she’d done to escape his father—to escape him?
Guilt slammed him and he refused to let the memory take hold, instead focusing on events before that dreadful night. Why his parents had stayed together was beyond Charlie. They should have divorced.
They should never have married.
No doubt his mother would have been a hundred times better off if Rupert had walked away instead of marrying her and making her pay for her pregnancy every day for the rest of her life.
Regardless, Rupert had stayed with his wife and had instilled in Charlie the knowledge that giving up one’s dreams for another person ultimately led to misery for all involved. His mother had seconded that motion, and when she’d died it had confirmed that her son was not worth living for. Charlie wasn’t able to make another person happy, nor was he able to protect anyone from life’s harsher realities. Those were lessons he’d learned well.
Thank goodness he was leaving before he’d sunk so far into his relationship with Savannah that he couldn’t resurface.
That she couldn’t resurface.
The next two months couldn’t pass soon enough.
* * *
Savannah didn’t have to turn to know that Charlie was behind her. Something inside always went a little haywire when he was near and, whatever that something was, it was sending out crazy signals.
“All good things must come to an end,” she told her friend, not going into anything more specific, wishing she wasn’t so aware of the man behind her.
With time, she wouldn’t even remember who he was, she lied to herself, trying to balm the raw ache in her heart, trying to cling to her anger. Anger was easier than pain.
“You really aren’t going to try to make a go of it long distance?”
She shook her head. “I don’t do long distance relationships.”
Perhaps, under the right circumstances, she would have, but nothing about what had happened with Charlie was right. He’d blindsided her and left her emotionally devastated.
Chrissie gave her a suspicious look. “You aren’t going to leave Chattanooga on me, are you?”
She shook her head again. “Nope. Not that he offered to take me with him, but I’m not leaving Chattanooga to chase after a man or for any other reason. This is my home. If I’m not worth staying for, then good riddance.”
She was pretty sure her words were aimed more at the man eavesdropping than at her friend. But what did it matter? Her words were true.
If only the truth didn’t hurt so much. Didn’t make her so angry. Not hurt. Angry.
“As your nurse supervisor, I’m glad to hear that. As your friend, I’m sad that you and Dr. Keele have split. You two seemed to have something very special and, quite frankly, I was more than a little envious.”
Yeah, she’d thought so too.
“Appearances can be deceiving.”
Very deceiving. She’d believed in him and his feelings for her. She’d been the one deceived and had no one to blame but her foolish, naïve self.
Only she blamed him, too.
Why had he acted so enamored if he wasn’t? He’d treated her as if she was the candle that gave light to his world. They’d been together almost a year. A freaking year. A year of her life. A year of his life. Gone. Meaningless.
Only it wasn’t.
Because there was a physical reminder of that year, of their relationship, growing inside her.
Darn him for taking the happiest day of her life and turning it into the worst.
She’d cried enough tears to sail a fleet upon, had to have used up all her tears, and yet, even now, she could spring a leak that would rival Old Faithful.
A man who would so easily walk away from her wasn’t worth her heartache and tears.
“Speaking of the devil,” she said, turning to let Charlie know she knew he was there. She wouldn’t cry. Not in front of him. If she had her way, she’d never cry over him again. “Good afternoon, Dr. Keele.”
He grimaced at her formal use of his name.
Good. He deserved a little grimacing after all she’d gone through the night before and every moment since. But, seriously, what had he expected? A smile and, Glad to see you?
“I imagine you’re here to see Mr. Roberts. He’s in Room 336 and, although he’s still going in and out of atrial fibrillation, he’s otherwise stable on the IV medication since his admission this morning.”
All business. She could do it. She would do it.
No matter that he used to smile at her with his whole being and make her feel like the most precious person in the world.
No matter that two nights ago he’d kissed her all over and done crazily amazing things to her body and held her tightly afterwards.
No matter that his baby was nestled deep inside her body.
No matter that he’d utterly ripped her heart to shreds the night before, forever destroying her faith in him. In them.
No matter that she might just hate him for what he’d done.
He was leaving.
They were no longer a couple.
She no longer looked at him with rose-colored glasses.
He was a doctor. She was a nurse. She could play that game and keep things professional for as long as she had to.
She could hold her emotions in, keep her expression detached. He didn’t deserve to see her pain.
He’d be gone in two months and then letting him see her hurt would be the least of her worries.
* * *
This was how it had to be, Charlie reminded himself as he went to check on his patient.
But to look into the eyes of the woman he’d spent the past year of his life with and see nothing but cold disdain—that he hadn’t been prepared for.
He should have been. He’d known they were going to end the moment he’d told her he was leaving. He’d expected her anger. Maybe her yelling and screaming at him would have been easier than the look of disdain. He’d lived with both, growing up. The yelling, the screaming at how worthless he was, the looks of hatred.
Yet seeing that look on Savannah’s face gutted him.
He examined the unconscious man, checking the readouts on his telemetry, making note of adjustments he’d make to his care.
Hopefully, tomorrow they’d be able to decrease his sedation and start weaning him off his respiratory ventilator.
He heard someone enter the room behind him, but knew it wasn’t Savannah. She gave off a vibe that caused his insides to hum when she was near and he wasn’t humming. Not even the slightest little buzz.
“Do I need to reassign your patients?”
He turned to look at the nurse supervisor, then shook his head. “I’ll be here for two months and plan to take care of my patients during that time.”
She arched a brow at his obvious misunderstanding. “Savannah taking care of your patients won’t be a problem?”
“Not for me.” He put his stethoscope back in his scrub pocket, then got a squirt of antimicrobial solution. Almost methodically, he rubbed his hands until the wet solution dissipated. He tried to appear casual when he asked, “Did she ask to be reassigned?”
Chrissie shook her head. “She’d never do that. She’s way too professional, no matter what her personal feelings are.”
He met the woman’s gaze. “Then we shouldn’t be having this conversation.”
Chrissie didn’t back down. If anything, his stern look had her hiking up her chin to take advantage of every bit of her still short stature. “That’s probably true, but it’s my job to make sure everything goes smoothly on this unit. I don’t want any unforeseen problems cropping up and I’m taking a proactive approach to this potential situation.”
“As far as I’m concerned, there is no potential situation. I’ll be gone in two months.”
Her dark eyes narrowed but, rather than say anything negative, she surprised him by saying, “Congratulations on your new job. I hear it was a nice promotion.”
“Thank you. It was.”
She hesitated a moment, then looked him square in the eyes. “You’re sure that’s really what you want, though?”
He frowned. “Of course it is. It’s a very prestigious position.”
“Hard to have a conversation with a prestigious position over the dinner table.”
She thought he was a fool for accepting the greatest career opportunity he’d been presented with because of Savannah. Let her think that. He didn’t care what she thought—what anyone thought. He knew he’d made the right decision. That he was doing what was best for Savannah by destroying her feelings for him.
Feigning that her look of pity didn’t faze him, he shrugged. “I won’t be lonely.”
She gave him a disappointed look. “No, I don’t imagine you will. Congrats again, Dr. Keele. I hope you find whatever it is you’re looking for in Nashville.”
“I’m not looking for anything in Nashville,” he told her retreating back. He wasn’t looking for anything anywhere.
Charlie grabbed hold of the bed rail and stared down at his unconscious patient for long moments.
Taking the Nashville job had been the right thing for all involved.
What hadn’t been the right thing had been getting so involved with someone. He wouldn’t make that mistake again.
That might not be a problem anytime in the near future anyway. The thought of anyone other than Savannah just didn’t appeal.
How was any other woman supposed to compare to the way she lit up a room just by walking into it? To the way her smile reached her eyes and he knew what she was thinking without her saying a word? How she enjoyed the same things he did, shared his love of Civil War history and taking long hikes up on Lookout Mountain on the battlefield? To running with him at dawn along the Tennessee River near her apartment?
The reality was no woman ever had measured up to Savannah and he suspected they never would. The thought of sharing his days, his nights, with anyone other than her left him cold.
She was perfect and he wanted her to stay that way.
Leaving was the best thing he could do for all involved.
CHAPTER THREE (#ube700346-bfb4-544f-88a0-7de8bca06a99)
“CODE BLUE. CODE BLUE.”
Savannah rushed to the patient’s room. Her patient had just flatlined.
She’d been in the bathroom when the call came over the intercom.
She hated that, but her bladder didn’t hold out the way it used to. A symptom of her pregnancy, she supposed.
Chrissie was in the room performing CPR when Savannah got there with the crash cart. The man was on a ventilator so she was only performing chest compressions and the machine breathed for him, giving him oxygen.
Charlie rushed in right behind Savannah. A unit secretary was there acting as a recorder of all the events of the code.
“Give him some epi,” Charlie ordered, taking charge of the code, as was his position.
Savannah did so, then prepared the defibrillator machine, attached the leads to the man’s chest.
“All clear,” Charlie ordered and everyone stepped away from the man.
Savannah pushed the button to activate the defibrillator.
The man’s body gave a jerk and his heart did a few abnormal beats.
“Let me know the second it’s recharged,” Charlie ordered, having taken over the chest compressions for Chrissie.
“Now,” Savannah told him.
“All clear,” he warned.
As soon as everyone had stepped back, Savannah hit the button, sending another electrical shock through the man’s body.
His heart did a wild beat then jumped back into a beating rhythm. Not a normal one, but one that would sustain life for the moment.
“I’m going to take him into the cardiac lab. He needs an ablation of the abnormal AV node, a pacemaker, and a permanent defibrillator put in STAT.”
“Yes, sir.”
By this time, other staff had entered the room and a transport guy and Savannah wheeled the patient toward the cardiac lab, Charlie beside them.
Chrissie called the lab, told them of the emergency situation and that Dr. Keele was on his way with his patient.
Savannah helped to get the patient settled in the surgical lab, then turned to go.
“Savannah?”
Slowly, she turned toward Charlie, met eyes she’d once loved looking into. Now, she just wanted him to hurry up and leave.
He searched her face for something, but she couldn’t be sure what, just that his expression looked filled with regret. That she understood. She had regrets. Dozens of them. Hundreds. All centering around him.
She’d been so stupid.
“You did a great job back there,” he finally said, although his words fell flat.
She swallowed back the nausea rising in her throat and wanted to scream. They were broken up. He shouldn’t be being nice. And if he said, Let’s just be friends, it might be him needing resuscitation because she might just choke him out.
Rather than answer, she gave him a squint-eyed glare, then turned to go.
When she got outside the lab, she leaned against the cold concrete wall and fought crumbling. Fought throwing up. Fought curling into a fetal position and letting loose the pain inside her.
Two months.
She could do anything for two months.
Only, really, wasn’t she just fooling herself every time she thought two months?
Wasn’t she really looking at the rest of her life because, with the baby growing inside her, she’d have a permanent connection to Charlie?
A permanent connection she’d been so happy about, but now—now she wasn’t sure. How could she be happy about a baby when the father didn’t want her?
Would he want their child?
When was she supposed to tell him? Before he left? After he left? Before the baby got here? After the baby got here?
Never?
He’d find out. They shared too many friends. Nashville wasn’t that far away. Not telling him wasn’t an option, even if she could keep the news from him. She couldn’t live with that secret. On the off chance that he would want a relationship with their child, she had to tell him.
Would he think she’d purposely tried to trap him into staying? See her news as her trying to manipulate him? Would he understand that she didn’t want him to stay because she was pregnant when he hadn’t been willing to stay for her? That he’d destroyed the magic that had been between them forever?
She lightly banged her head against the concrete wall.
What was she going to do?
* * *
A month later, Charlie shifted the box of Savannah’s belongings to where he could free up a hand to knock on her apartment door.
And stood there, frozen.
Why wasn’t he knocking?
Why was he just standing outside her apartment like some kind of crazy man?
He was crazy.
She’d texted him earlier that day and asked what he wanted her to do with his things. He couldn’t really recall what he had at her place, other than his running gear and ear buds and maybe a few odds and ends, some clothes. Maybe, instead of saying he’d stop by and pick up his things, he should have told her to just keep it all.
But that still left him with having to deal with her belongings. She’d had some toiletries in his bathroom and some clothes that he’d boxed up. So, tonight, he’d kill two birds with one stone. Or something like that. Because he’d stripped his place of all physical reminders of Savannah and taped them inside the box. Out of sight, out of mind.
Not really—forgetting Savannah would come with time.
As he’d been driving to her place, the night he’d told Savannah about his new job kept replaying through his mind. Over and over.
She’d been so happy when she’d met him at the door, had told him she had good news. Good news she’d never gotten to share because he’d told his news first and all hell had broken loose.
She hated him. He saw it in her eyes on the rare occasion when their eyes met at the hospital. She no longer wanted anything to do with him.
Mission accomplished.
Earlier that day he’d run into her and gotten a good look. She’d been abrupt, to the point, immediately launching into a report about one of his patients. Darkness had shadowed her eyes. Her face had been devoid of the happy sparkle that had always shone so brightly. She’d looked so completely opposite to how she’d been a month ago that her greeting him at the door, her smile, her giddiness, the warmth of her kiss and hug, had played on repeat in his head.
What had caused her such joy a month ago?
Him? Yes, they had had a good relationship, but only because he’d never had any expectations of her, had never made any promises that he’d live to break.
Hand poised at the door, he closed his eyes.
He couldn’t do this. He didn’t feel up to being the jerk he needed to be. He needed her to keep hating him, to move on. Instead, he just wanted to ask her what her good news had been, to see joy in her eyes.
He could never do either. He came with too much baggage, too much risk.
What if he pushed Savannah as far as he’d pushed his mother? What if the same type of thing happened?
He turned to go.
* * *
Fighting the urge to slam the apartment door she’d just opened back shut, Savannah stared at the man in the hallway with his back to her. At the sound of the door opening, he turned toward her. His eyes were full of raw emotion and she thought she should definitely slam the door and bolt it closed.
“My neighbor called and told me you were loitering in the hallway,” she said as explanation for why she’d opened the door since he hadn’t knocked. “She wanted to know if she should call the police.”
“What did you tell her?”
“To call them,” she said, even though they both knew it wasn’t true. “That I hoped they’d lock you up and throw away the key.”
“I thought that might have been your answer.”
She raised an eyebrow and waited. Just as he could wait if he thought she was going to invite him into her apartment. She wasn’t.
She’d been nauseated most of the day, but had made the mistake of eating dinner anyway because she knew she needed to eat to keep the baby healthy. Her grilled cheese wasn’t sitting well in her stomach. Charlie showing up at her apartment wasn’t helping.
“You looked as if you weren’t feeling well when I was at the hospital earlier,” he pointed out as if this was breaking news.
“It’s been a long month,” she said, a mixture of adrenaline and exhaustion tugging at her body.
She was showing the patience of a saint by not screaming and yelling. She’d like to scream and yell. But, really, what good would that do? He was leaving. But, way beyond that, he’d pretty much put her in her place when she’d said he should have discussed such a big decision with her. That place hadn’t been beside him or as someone who had any importance in his life.
That knowledge kept her in the middle of her doorway, staring at a man she’d once thought she’d spend her life growing old with.
“Are you just going to stand there not saying anything?” she asked, injecting as much annoyance as she could muster into her voice.
Glancing down the hallway as if he half expected the police to really show up, he shifted the box he held and raked his fingers through his dark hair. “I brought your stuff.”
Her fingers itched to smooth out the ruffled tufts of thick hair left in the wake of his frustration, but she stayed them by tucking her hands into the pockets of her nursing scrubs.
“Fine,” she huffed, not moving out of the doorway, almost afraid to move for fear of jostling where her dinner precariously sat in her belly. “Set it down there and I’ll get your stuff so you can leave.”
“I was leaving. You opened the door.”
His frustration was palpable and had her shaking her head.
“You’d been in my hallway long enough that Mrs. Henry was having a conniption.”
“She always was nosy.”
“I thought you liked her.”
“I did.” He raked his fingers through his hair again. “I do.”
Savannah winced. Two little words she’d once thought she’d hear him say, but under very different circumstances.
Unable to bear looking at him a moment longer, she turned away, put her hand to her lips to stay anything that might be going to come out.
“Are you okay?” he asked from behind her.
She gritted her teeth to keep from verbally attacking him. No need to have Mrs. Henry calling the police for real.
“I’m fabulous,” she lied.
You could mend a broken heart back together, but it was never the same. She’d never be the same or look at Charlie the same.
That magic giddy bubble was popped forever.
She’d trusted in his feelings implicitly and he’d shattered that trust. He’d unilaterally made a decision that had torn apart what she’d thought had been a permanent relationship and he’d not had remorse or guilt or a sense that he should have talked with her first. Her complete misjudgment of that meant she would never allow herself to trust in her own feelings again. Not with Charlie or any other man. How could she when she’d been so completely wrong about Charlie?
Exhaustion gripped her body, making standing a challenge and all she could do. “Are you gone yet? Your stuff is by the door. Grab it and go.”
She just wanted him to leave. But instead he stepped into her apartment. Maybe he’d get his stuff, then go.
“Tell me whatever your good news was.”
Spinning to stare at him in disbelief, Savannah’s stomach dropped. Her jaw did, too.
“Tell me whatever it was you wanted to tell me a month ago, Savannah.”
For a brief moment she considered telling him. Right or wrong, she wasn’t ready to share her news with him. She just didn’t feel strong enough tonight to face whatever reaction he might have. Not tonight.
She squared her shoulders, lifted her chin, and tried to look as if she could successfully take on the world.
Normally, she could.
“Maybe you should have thought of that before you took a job two hours away,” she tossed out.
“My taking a job two hours away has nothing to do with you,” he insisted with more than a hint of annoyance.
Good. His words annoyed her, too.
And hurt. His words hurt. Deep and to the core.
“It should have,” she said so softly she wasn’t even sure he’d hear her.
“Says who?”
“Says me.” She lifted her gaze to his and dared him to say otherwise.
His jaw worked back and forth and a visible struggle played on his face. “Why do you get to decide that it should have?”
“For the same reasons you got to decide that it didn’t.”
He let out a low breath. He stepped closer, stared down directly into her eyes. His gaze narrowed. “You think I should have said no to the position?”
Her stomach rumbled and she clenched the tips of her fingers into her palms. “That’s not what I’m saying.”
“Then what are you saying?”
“That I should have mattered enough for my opinion to have counted. I didn’t.”
He studied her for a few long seconds. “My career means everything to me.” His tone was flat, almost cold. “I won’t let anyone or anything stand in the way.”
Ouch. There it was. The truth.
A truth she’d not understood because for the past year they’d obviously been on the same page. Sure, he worked hard and long hours, but so did she. Their jobs hadn’t been an issue. Finding time to spend together hadn’t been an issue.
She’d thought they’d been each other’s priority. Obviously, in Charlie’s case it was more a case of convenience than priority.
She’d been easy.
No, she hadn’t. She’d not immediately fallen into bed with him. Not immediately. But too quickly. The attraction had been so strong. The sexual chemistry so magnetic.
Even now, with everything that had happened, with her body threatening to reject her evening meal, his nearness made her heart race, her breath quicken, her nipples tighten, her thighs clench. He made every sense come alive, made every nerve ending aware.
She hated it. Hated that even knowing she didn’t mean what she’d thought she’d meant he had such power over her body.
He wasn’t the man she’d thought he was—wasn’t the man she’d fallen so hard for. That man had been an illusion. She’d fantasized and projected upon him. Maybe because of their strong sexual chemistry and her desire to believe the intensity of their lovemaking was due to something more than just physical attraction. Outdated of her, no doubt, but that had to be it.
She didn’t know how she was going to handle her future, her baby’s future, but at the moment one thing was very, very clear to her.
She looked Charlie straight in the eyes and felt an inner strength that surprised her. Sure, he’d probably always affect her physically. He was a good-looking, virile man who gave off an over-abundance of pheromones and her body remembered all too well the magic he wielded. But he’d destroyed the rose-colored glasses that she’d adoringly looked at him through. What she now saw wasn’t worthy of what she’d been willing to give him.
“You don’t belong here,” she told him. “Not in my apartment. Not in my life.”
Not ever again.
* * *
Savannah’s words stung Charlie in places deep within his chest. Places that weren’t supposed to be accessible to anyone, much less vulnerable to words that were all too reminiscent of those flung at him in the past.
He took a step back.
He wavered between wanting to beg her to forgive him and telling himself to walk away and forget her. She was right. He didn’t belong. He’d never belonged. Never would.
He’d always known that. Had never been able to forget that until Savannah. Look at what that memory lapse had caused.
Looking exhausted, Savannah closed her eyes then turned her back to him and walked over to her sofa, where she sat down. “I don’t feel up to doing this again, Charlie. I’m sorry, but I just don’t.”
Her skin had lost its color and she had crossed her arms over her belly.
“You look pale.”
She didn’t comment, just proceeded to turn a few more shades toward ghastly gray. Hands over her stomach, she leaned forward and made a noise that might have been a moan, but might have been a dry heave.
Despite not being invited in, he stepped further into her living room and toward the sofa. “Are you okay?”
Without looking up, she shook her head. “No, I am not okay. Get your stuff and leave.”
He was torn. She wanted him to go. She really did. He could hear it in her voice. But how did he just walk out when she looked as if she was majorly ill?
Then she was.
With a panicked glance at him, she bolted off the sofa and toward the half bath just off the living room.
Worried, Charlie followed her to the small half bath, grabbed a rolled up washcloth from the basket that sat on the vanity, and ran cold water over it, all the while keeping his eyes trained on Savannah. She knelt over the toilet, gripping the sides and heaving out the contents of her stomach.
When he’d squeezed out the excess water, he folded the washcloth. He pulled her hair back away from her face, put the washcloth across her forehead, and helped support her while she leaned over the toilet.
He didn’t say a word, just held the washcloth to her forehead, kept her hair back from her face, and felt torn into a million directions as to what he should do.
He couldn’t leave her like this even if he wanted to.
He couldn’t.
He didn’t have it in him to walk away with her ill.
When her heaving seemed to have subsided, she glanced up at him with a tear-streaked face and he felt something in his chest squeeze painfully tight.
“I hate that you saw me like this.”
Kneeling, he took the washcloth and gently wiped her mouth. “I’m a doctor, Savannah. I’ve seen worse.”
A long sigh escaped her lips. “Not from me.”
She looked lost, like a child, and more than anything he wanted to ease her distress and take care of her.
“I’m going to carry you to your room, help you change out of your scrubs, wash your face and brush your teeth, then put you to bed.”
She closed her eyes for a moment then shook her head. “I don’t need you. I can take care of myself.”
“You’re sick. Let me help you.”
Her expression pinched, and he expected her to argue, but instead, her skin going gray again, she lowered her gaze. “No carrying. Just...just help me get to my room.”
Charlie steadied her as she stood, wrapped his arms around her waist, and walked with her to her room. He stayed close until she seemed steady on her feet in front of her en suite sink, where she washed her face, then brushed her teeth. He went to her bedroom, opened a drawer and pulled out an oversized T-shirt.
His T-shirt.
How many nights had he watched her pull on this shirt after they’d made love? Sleepily, she’d smile at him, then curl back up in bed. He’d tuck her in with a kiss, and then head to his place feeling like a million bucks. He’d never see that love-laden smile again. Never be the one to kiss her goodnight. He squeezed the worn cotton material between his fingers, then shook off the moment of nostalgia.
She was better off without him. Just look at what had happened to his mother. He had his career. His career was what was important.
“Here.” He held out the shirt through the bathroom door. “Put this on.”
She glanced at his offering, then bit into her lower lip.
“I’ll wait here while you change. If you feel sick again or need my help, call out. I’ll be right there.”
Taking the shirt, she nodded and shut the bathroom door.
The lock clicked and it echoed through his head that Savannah had forever closed off a part of herself to him.
As much as he tried to tell himself that was okay, as he sank onto the foot of her bed he wondered at his great sense of loss when going to Nashville was definitely for the best.
CHAPTER FOUR (#ube700346-bfb4-544f-88a0-7de8bca06a99)
FEELING PHYSICALLY BETTER after emptying her stomach but mortified, Savannah splashed cold water over her face.
She’d just thrown up in her bathroom with Charlie right there.
To give him credit, he’d been a champ, keeping her hair back and putting the cold cloth against her forehead. But she wasn’t giving him credit. No way.
Wiping her hands on a towel, drying them, she then placed her palms over her lower abdomen.
Oh, God. What was she going to do?
How was she going to explain vomiting?
She’d known for a month now and hadn’t told him.
She studied her reflection—the pale skin, the tired eyes, the tension tugging at her features.
Why hadn’t she told him?
Because he didn’t deserve to know?
Maybe telling him would be punishment because he didn’t want children, didn’t want any ties to her.
Was it fear that really held her back?
The fear that, although she loved this baby no matter what, she might be on her own raising their child? She’d be fine. Just look at what a great job Chrissie was doing with Joss. Savannah could rock the single mom thing, too.
“You okay in there?”
She closed her eyes, unable to stand the reflection staring back at her a moment longer.
“Savannah?”
“I’m fine.”
That wasn’t true. Not really. And they both knew it, although he had no clue as to the real reason.
* * *
Charlie moved toward the bathroom door the moment it opened, staying close to Savannah’s side as she came out of the bathroom.
“Let me help you into bed.”
“I don’t want to go to bed,” she protested.
“You look awful. You need to be in bed.”
She glared at him. “Good to know. Thanks.”
“You know what I mean.” He fought the urge to roll his eyes.
“Fine, then—I don’t want to go to bed,” she reiterated, shaking off his hand as he reached for her arm.
“Do you have to argue with everything I say these days?”
“No, but there’s no reason for me to go to bed.”
“Other than the fact you worked a twelve-hour shift, look dead on your feet, and you just threw up?”
“Yeah, other than that.” She looked ready to drop. Possibly her illness was related to exhaustion, but it was just as possible his presence had led to her sickness.
“You make me sick.”
He winced at the words from his past, shook them off, and focused on the fragile-looking woman in front of him.
He let out an exasperated sigh. “At least lie down and rest a few minutes while I clean your bathroom.”
“Go home. It’s not going to hurt if a used washcloth sits on the countertop overnight.”
“I want to help you, Savannah. Let me.” He did want to help. He wanted her smiling and happy, not miserable and sick.
Maybe he was destined to have a negative impact on anyone close to him. To make anyone unfortunate enough to get close to him miserable.
She glanced toward the doorway leading out into the hallway, then sighed. Her remaining energy hissed out like a deflating balloon and she sat down on the edge of the bed. “I feel guilty letting you clean when I’m perfectly capable.”
He’d really like to hold her, to stroke her hair, whisper words of comfort and stay with her until she felt better. It wasn’t his place to do any of those things. Not anymore.
“If you looked perfectly capable I wouldn’t have offered. You don’t, so go to bed.”
Surprisingly, she nodded and laid down on top of the comforter.
“I’ll straighten your guest bathroom then be back to check on you.”
Asking her to get into her bed struck him as odd. How many times had he gotten into that bed with her?
Odd to think he never would again.
That he’d lost that right.
That privilege.
Once he was in Nashville, had started his new job, made new friends, his having made the right decision would be reinforced. It was only because he was still here, still confronted every day with the life he’d become used to sharing with Savannah, that he was struggling.
Savannah would be much better off once he was gone and she could move on with her life. He blamed himself for allowing their relationship to go on for so long. He should have stepped away long ago, for Savannah’s sake if not his own.
Then again, that was part of the problem, wasn’t it? He should have protected her from ever getting close enough to him to feel broken-hearted.
Not that his track record for protecting those close to him was anything to brag about. Quite the opposite.
Once he’d straightened her bathroom, he went back to her bedroom and wasn’t surprised to find her asleep.
She hadn’t planned on going to sleep as she was still lying on top of the comforter rather than beneath it. Savannah was one of those that even if it were a hundred degrees outside she had to at least have a sheet over her. The fact she had dozed off spoke volumes as to how ill she was.
He should have asked if she needed anything.
He should have checked her temperature or something.
He was a cardiologist, not an infectious disease guy, but she probably had a stomach virus. Hopefully, it would run its course within twenty-four hours and she’d feel better soon.
He went back into the living room, grabbed a throw blanket off the sofa, and put it over her. She snuggled into the comfort of the blanket, but her breathing pattern didn’t change to indicate that she’d awakened.
Charlie stood over the bed watching her for a few minutes. He’d told her she looked awful, but the truth was she was the most beautiful woman he’d ever known.
Fearing he might wake her but unable to resist, he ran his fingers over her forehead, brushing back a stray strand of long red hair and gauging her temperature at the same time. That was why he was touching her. To check her temperature. To see if she were physically ill. Not because he’d longed to touch the creamy perfection of her skin, to trace over the faint laugh lines at the corners of her eyes, the high angle of her cheekbones, the pert lines of her jaw.
To check her temperature.
No fever. That was good.
But she hadn’t thrown up because she felt great. Something was definitely wrong.
Which left him in a quandary. Did he go or did he stay?
Tomorrow was Saturday and he wasn’t on call this weekend. He’d planned to drive to Nashville in the morning to make a decision on living arrangements. Savannah wasn’t on duty either, as he’d checked her schedule earlier that day.
No, he hadn’t checked her schedule.
He’d just happened to glance at the nursing schedule and he’d just happened to note that she wasn’t working that weekend.
What he wanted was to crawl up into the bed beside her, to hold her close and be there in case she needed him.
But he wouldn’t. He couldn’t be soft where she was concerned. Not even if she was sick.
But he wasn’t leaving. That much he knew.
He eyed the empty side of the bed where he’d laid dozens of times. He had no rights where Savannah was concerned.
Which was something he suspected would haunt him a lot longer than he cared to admit.
He’d stay the night and be there if Savannah got sick again, would be there if she needed anything. Then he’d go back to being the world’s biggest jerk.
* * *
Savannah woke with a start, stretched her arms above her head, then realized her living room throw was tucked around her.
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