His Unexpected Baby Bombshell
Soraya Lane
His best friend’s baby…Best friends Rebecca Stewart and Ben McFarlane were the couple most likely to marry. But when their chemistry finally bubbled over, it was on the night Ben left town to become an international polo champion.Three years later and Ben is back. He’s a sports star used to women falling at his feet and she’s a waitress and single mum. But they do have one very important thing in common… Now Rebecca must find the words to tell Ben he’s a father!
“I heard a rumor yesterday that you have a daughter.” Ben chuckled. “Is it true?”
Rebecca placed one hand on the stainless steel counter, trying to stop the quiver as it ran up and down her body. Her daughter. How much did he know? She’d wanted to be the one to tell him.
“Yeah, I’m a mom now,” she said, struggling to keep her voice steady and her breathing even. “To Lexie.”
“Lexie,” he repeated the name, the word on his lips sending another wave of worry down her back. “And who’s the lucky man?”
“Man?” she asked.
“Your husband?”
Gulp. Husband. Hmm. “I … ah … well, there is no lucky someone. It’s just me and Lexie.”
“You mean some man left you, after you’d had his child? That why you didn’t stay in touch with me? Because you knew I’d hunt him down?”
She did not like where this was going. Hmm, what did she say? Yes, Ben, and that man was you? That’s exactly why I stopped returning your emails. But she didn’t think of him like that, because she’d made the decision to keep Lexie a secret, to protect both of them.
His Unexpected Baby Bombshell
Soraya Lane
www.millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk)
As a child, SORAYA LANE dreamed of becoming an author. Fast forward a few years, and Soraya is now living her dream! She describes being an author as “the best job in the world.” She lives with her own real-life hero and two young sons on a small farm in New Zealand, surrounded by animals, with an office overlooking a field where their horses graze.
For more information about Soraya, her books and her writing life, visit www.sorayalane.com (http://www.sorayalane.com).
For Carly and Kathryn. I truly feel as though I hit the editor jackpot with the two of you! Thank you for all your wonderful ideas, and for making my books so much stronger.
Contents
Cover (#u2038c045-5231-5d53-9766-e705bd390e5a)
Excerpt (#u285b99e7-4716-52d5-a867-fd0ff4f15cb7)
Title Page (#u7814f4af-d966-5510-97e4-3a07de139e49)
About the Author (#u3feec0ed-be2d-51e4-b020-1347bb4192a8)
Dedication (#u2b901f32-1f4a-543d-bef1-007376c6e1c4)
CHAPTER ONE (#ulink_c0065f03-911e-51f2-8cb6-08a18ea5d7c4)
CHAPTER TWO (#ulink_3a6317a5-f674-5e39-9dbb-1ceeb9a109fe)
CHAPTER THREE (#ulink_59b1403f-48e9-52e3-883e-47c9fcc9f6c0)
CHAPTER FOUR (#ulink_390c60b9-9d53-5c91-9671-186a8eca20b7)
CHAPTER FIVE (#ulink_3b30a919-a5b6-53e8-8d40-11932a92f1ad)
CHAPTER SIX (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER SEVEN (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER EIGHT (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER NINE (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER TEN (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER ELEVEN (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER TWELVE (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER THIRTEEN (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER FOURTEEN (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER FIFTEEN (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER SIXTEEN (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN (#litres_trial_promo)
EPILOGUE (#litres_trial_promo)
Extract (#litres_trial_promo)
Copyright (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER ONE (#ulink_0befe0ed-2584-56b7-8007-e0d84ef9700d)
REBECCA STEWART GULPED as the door to the restaurant opened. Ben McFarlane. It had been almost four years, but she’d have known him anywhere. Dark blond hair cropped short, broad shoulders stretching the material of his T-shirt and a stare that still managed to make her heart beat too fast. He was exactly as she remembered him and then some.
“Long time no see.”
His gaze softened as he came closer, the corners of his mouth turning upward into a smile, but she could tell he was angry. Those eyes had caused her heart to break and heal all over again so many years ago, the last night they’d had together still burned into her memory as if it was yesterday. She knew every expression he had.
Rebecca swallowed, smiled back, her stomach flip-flopping. He didn’t know. Couldn’t know. That angry gaze, determined stride...she’d thought he was coming in with a purpose when she’d first recognized him. That he knew about his daughter.
She pushed those thoughts away and tried to remind herself of how they’d been before that night, back when they’d been best friends and nothing more.
“Hey, stranger,” she said. “I had no idea you were back.”
Rebecca moved out from around the counter, hands smoothing the soft cotton of her apron. She didn’t know what to do—whether to embrace him, touch him. What did you do to a man, formerly your best friend, once your lover, who you hadn’t seen or heard from in years?
“Hey.” His voice was surprisingly gruff.
Rebecca stepped into his arms when he opened them, gingerly at first, until he pulled her in, giving her an awkward kind of bear hug. She tried to relax, focusing on breathing in and out. They were just friends. But after all this time he still had that effect on her. The smell of his cologne, the strength of his body, everything about him took her back to that night, when a decade of friendship had turned into something more. The night before he’d left and she’d encouraged him to leave her behind even though it had shattered her heart into a million pieces.
“How are you, Bec? Haven’t heard from you in a while.”
Ouch. The hug must have been a formality.
She took a step back, his hands falling from her waist. It was warm but she shivered, wrapping one arm about her body, the other hanging awkwardly at her side.
“I’ve been good, Ben. Really good,” she said, forcing a big smile, avoiding the question. It wasn’t as if he’d emailed her lately, either.
“Your folks?”
Rebecca smiled. Her parents would love to know that Ben was back in town.
“They’re great.” This time she didn’t have to force the grin. “Very busy, enjoying their retirement, so I’m running this place on my own most of the time.”
She looked over her shoulder, catching a glimpse of commotion in the kitchen. When she turned back to Ben she noticed he was watching, taking everything in. He’d known her parents’ Italian restaurant just as well as she had when they were teenagers. They’d both worked waiting tables over their last summer break, before he’d had the opportunity of a lifetime and left for Argentina.
“Anyway, how about you? What brings you back?”
Ben jammed both hands into his jeans pockets, eyes down before he looked up and met her stare. She knew something was wrong. Why was he even back here?
“Has something happened to your grandfather?” Rebecca heard the falter in her own voice.
“He’s not doing great, even though he’d hate me telling you that.” He squared his shoulders and pushed his feet out wider. “It was time to come home anyway. I’ve done my time overseas, for now.”
“Really? It’s not like you were getting too old to play.” She ran her eyes over his superfit frame. He was all muscle, all athlete. It wasn’t like polo players had a use-by date, so long as they were still performing, and she’d never expected him to give up his career voluntarily. Not for anything.
That made him laugh. “I’m not too old, and I’m fit as hell, so don’t go feeling sorry for me.” His voice was dry. “I just decided I’d been away for long enough, and Gus needs the help. Argentina was fun, but I missed the old fella.”
Oh. She tried to digest his words. It sent a cold streak down her spine. “So you’re back for good?”
“Yeah, for the time being, anyway,” he said. “If you’d been better at emailing me back, I might have given you a heads-up.”
Ouch again. “Ben, I just got busy and there was so much happening. I’m sorry.” She knew it sounded like a cop-out, and it was. But he hadn’t emailed for a long time, so it wasn’t all her fault.
He looked up, gave her a long, hard stare before training his eyes past her head.
“So tell me, how long have you been back? What are your plans?” she asked.
“I’m just playing it by ear. I’ll see how it goes, how much I can do around the farm.”
Rebecca tried not to react, digested the information as if it meant nothing to her. Polo had always been his life, his dream to play as a career, and now he’d just given it up like that? As if it wasn’t the single most important thing to him after years of being desperate to make it happen?
“So that’s it. You’re just not going to play anymore?” she asked.
A shrug of his shoulders told her he was uncertain. Ben always pushed them up, then hunched them when he was uncomfortable.
“Things change, Bec. You know how it is.”
Yeah, she did. Only she was pretty certain that he hadn’t just had a change of heart—something else had to be going on. If he was doing it for Gus, she completely understood, but she smelled a rat.
“Anyway, I’ve only just arrived back in. I’m still going to be training horses, I’m just taking time out from playing.” He smiled. “I’m heading for Geelong in the morning.”
Rebecca turned and walked back toward the counter, trying to ignore the rising heat in her cheeks. Her pulse had started hammering hard at her temple. Geelong. The place where his grandfather’s horse training establishment was. The place she’d spent every school vacation and weekend, hanging out with Ben and dreaming about their future. Only she hadn’t realized how much of a man’s sport polo was—she’d ended up bravely waving Ben off while she stayed behind. It had been tough for him to make it, and even tougher for her to try to make a career out of it. But they’d only been friends, it wasn’t as if he’d left his girlfriend behind.
“My granddad turned eighty last week, and I know the cancer’s probably worse than he’s letting on. I’m heading there to learn everything I can and slowly take the reins from him. Excuse the pun.”
“He must be so happy to have you back,” Rebecca said, refusing to think about what-ifs just because Ben was back in town and standing before her. It wouldn’t have mattered if he’d stayed or not, they’d both wanted different things, and their one night together had been the result of too much to drink. He hadn’t owed her anything. She took a deep breath. “You’re going to love being home.”
He smiled, but his eyes told a different story. He was annoyed with her, and she didn’t know what to say to him except sorry for not staying in touch. But she hadn’t been able to keep emailing him and not mention what was going on in her life, which meant that losing contact with him had been the only option. She’d always sworn that if he came back she’d tell him, but the guys he played polo with had become his family, he’d always said he loved what he did and wouldn’t give it up for anything.
“It was what we always talked about, huh? The two of us playing polo overseas then coming back to run a horse stud together.”
“Yeah,” she said softly, not wanting to go back in time because thinking about the past only hurt. “Yeah, it was.”
“But, anyway, tell me about you? I heard a terrible rumor yesterday that you have a daughter.” He chuckled. “Is it true?”
Rebecca placed one hand on the stainless steel counter, trying to stop the quiver as it ran up and down her body. Her daughter. How much did he know? She’d wanted to be the one to tell him.
“Yeah, I’m a mom now,” she said, struggling to keep her voice steady and her breathing even. “To Lexie.”
“Lexie,” he repeated the name, the word on his lips sending another wave of worry down her back. “And who’s the lucky man?”
“Man?” she asked.
“Your husband?”
Gulp. Husband. Hmm. “I, ah, well, there is no lucky someone. It’s just me and Lexie.”
“You mean some bastard left you, after you’d had his child? That why you didn’t stay in touch with me? Because you knew I’d hunt him down?”
She did not like where this was going. Mmm, what did she say. Yes, Ben, and that bastard was you? That’s exactly why I stopped returning your emails. But she didn’t think of him like that, because she’d made the decision to keep Lexie a secret, to protect both of them, but mainly to make sure she wasn’t the one responsible for clipping his wings.
“Let’s just say I was better off bringing her up on my own, at least for the time being,” Rebecca said, being careful with her words. “My folks have been great and she’s a happy little girl, so it’s all worked out okay.”
The look on Ben’s face told her he was unconvinced. “And your dad didn’t try to do something about it? Or your brother, for that matter?”
Rebecca needed to change the subject. Fast. She needed time to think about how she was going to tell Ben, how she was going to break it to him. “They weren’t thrilled about the whole thing, but sometimes life throws a curve ball and you just have to deal with it.”
He opened his mouth, looked grumpy as hell and about to say something else about her solo parenting situation so she quickly interrupted him.
“Do you want something to eat?” she asked. “We can still rustle up your favorite seafood linguine if you like?”
The frown on Ben’s face almost instantly spun upward into a smile. “You still do it?”
“We still can do it,” she said with a laugh. “It’s an oldie but a goodie, that one. Not officially on the lunch menu, but a version of it’s still a dinner favorite so we have the ingredients.”
This time when he looked at her he didn’t break the stare, not for a second. His eyes were locked on hers, his dark brown irises flecked with gold in the bright light.
“I have to go, but how about I take you up on that offer another day? Maybe when you’re not so busy and you can join me?”
She forced herself to keep breathing, which felt like the most unnatural thing in the world all of a sudden with Ben standing in front of her. The last thing she needed was to sit down and have lunch with him.
“Sounds good. It would be nice to catch up.”
Someone in the kitchen called out her name, giving her an excuse to break away, to finally glance away from the eyes that had been holding her captive.
“I’ll see you around, Bec.” Ben held his hand up in the air and took a few steps backward before turning and heading for the door.
Rebecca watched him, didn’t move a muscle until he’d disappeared from sight, ignoring the chaos behind her. Her heart was thumping with what she knew was excitement, but the rest of her was a quivering mess of nerves, ready to slip into a puddle on the floor. Because there was no part of Ben being back that was okay, none at all.
* * *
Ben stuffed his hands deep into his pockets and walked down the street, through the crowded lunchtime buzz of inner city Melbourne. He loved Australia, loved being back on home turf and knowing he was where he belonged. Living overseas had been a blast, but the idea of dividing his time between the city and his granddad’s farm was what he wanted now, and he knew he’d made the right decision coming home. As hard as it was leaving his polo family behind, he couldn’t stay away from Gus any longer.
And seeing Bec? Wow. He’d only been home one day and it had been a fight not to turn up at the restaurant that first night, just to lay eyes on her again. The girl who’d waved him goodbye, his best friend, and then slowly disappeared from his life. But who could blame her? He hadn’t exactly been the best at staying in touch, but then she’d been downright terrible.
And then she’d met some other guy and had a kid? Little Bec all grown up and a mom? Now, that he hadn’t been expecting. In his mind he’d imagined her life on hold, expected he could come home and somehow he’d be able to convince her that their night together had been a good thing, that they were supposed to be more than just friends. He’d been a fool, naive at best, and after seeing her today he knew he’d waited too long, that she’d moved on and he’d missed his chance.
Because even though he’d had the time of his life away, ridden some of the best polo ponies in the world and traveled to the most incredible countries, he’d never stopped thinking about Rebecca. Not for a moment. At the time, he’d been so desperate to belong, loved being part of a big extended polo family, when in reality he’d had a little family here with Gus and Rebecca all along, only it had taken being away so long for him to realize it. It wasn’t until his granddad had finally admitted how sick he was that it had really hit home.
Rebecca’s soft, smiling face, pillowy lips and shining eyes had been the memory he’d clung on to, and almost four years on, he was darn pleased she didn’t have a husband. He could never stay angry with her and seeing her today had proved it. He’d gone in all tough guy, wanting to demand why she’d lost touch. But he hadn’t. And they might have been drunk that night together, but he hadn’t forgotten a moment of what had happened between them.
He’d kill the guy who’d left her, on her own and with a child, and he’d bet her parents would be happy to help him find him. Rebecca had been his best friend, and for one night she’d been his lover. Ben grimaced as he jumped behind the wheel of his car. And that one night had ruined everything between them.
* * *
Rebecca strolled in to the preschool center and locked eyes on her daughter. Lexie was running around the room at high speed, arms spread out as if she was flying, her little lips bouncing off one another to make a noise like a plane. Her heart fluttered and she turned away, not wanting Lexie to see her yet. Her little girl was clingy enough as it was, and she loved seeing her play with the other kids.
“Hey there.”
Bec turned to find Julia, one of the teachers, behind her. She was holding out a colorful, smudged sheet of paper.
“Lexie painted this today and insisted I put it somewhere safe for Mommy.”
The grin that followed made her smile, and she reached out to take it. “She has quite a talent, don’t you think?”
Both women laughed then as Bec held out the painting and squinted, trying to decipher exactly what it was. “A house covered in green slime?” she guessed.
“Day at the beach?”
A little voice interrupted them. “Mommy!”
Bec turned and scooped up her girl, planting a kiss on her shiny blond head. “Hey, sunshine.”
“Do you like my painting?”
“Of course!”
“It’s me on a horse. A horse, Mommy!”
“Mmm.” She tried not to grin as she looked back at her. The teacher had to walk away to keep from laughing. “We were just saying what a lovely horse it is.”
“It’s a polo horse.” She fought to stand on the ground. “Me on a polo pony.”
Rebecca’s smile fell from her face, until she realized Lexie was still watching her. She forced her panic away. A polo pony? How did she even know about polo ponies?
“Let’s go, sweetheart. Grab your bag and say goodbye to Julia.”
She watched as her daughter darted away, reached a hand to push back her hair as she stared at the picture. Lexie had never even been around horses, let alone ridden one, but she’d been obsessed about them since she could say the word. Just like someone else she knew. As much as she didn’t want to admit it, Lexie was more like her dad than she’d let herself believe.
“Mommy?”
She dropped to her knees, taking the bag from her daughter and zipping it up. “Yes, sweetheart.”
“Granddad says you used to ride horses. That you used to ride polo ponies.”
“Did he now?” She would kill him for even talking to Lexie about her riding. That was a part of her life she’d left behind. She’d never even been near a horse since Ben had left, and she’d long since given up any dreams of making a career out of the sport she’d loved since she was fourteen. The last horse she’d had...she didn’t even want to think about the accident.
“He said you were real good, too, until you fell off one day. Did it hurt?”
“And when was Granddad telling you all this?” she asked.
“Yesterday.”
Lexie skipped off toward the door, waiting for her, her hand outstretched.
“Can we go horse riding?” she asked.
“Maybe.”
“Why maybe?”
“I don’t know anyone who owns a horse.” It was a lie, but what else was she going to say?
“Could we get a horse, then?” Lexie asked.
“Get in the car.”
She closed the door after her and stood on the sidewalk for a few seconds, eyes closed, taking a deep breath to calm her nerves. Once upon a time she would have done anything to spend her life around horses, but that was in the past, and that was exactly how she wanted to keep it. She had to tell Ben, she knew that, but she still didn’t want to go back.
CHAPTER TWO (#ulink_fbd4f651-87f3-592d-96a2-c47c7289f2b4)
BEN SMILED AT his granddad and walked over to the young colt. The animal’s nostrils were flared, body rigid as he approached him.
“Keep your hands down. Don’t touch him until he touches you first.”
Ben listened to him, and followed his instructions. More and more he was realizing that his grandfather’s instincts were always right. He’d argued with the trainers he worked with overseas until he was blue in the face, and he’d been tired of their old-fashioned attitudes. Some trainers liked to force horses into submission, but that wasn’t something they did at McFarlane Stables. Just because half the polo trainers out there thought they were crazy for practicing natural horsemanship didn’t mean he was going to change their approach. And it was one of the reasons he’d finally had enough of being overseas, one of the reasons he’d finally broken ties with the guys he’d loved working alongside for so long to come home.
“Good. Once he turns his head in, pat him and then move the rope over his neck.”
Ben did as he was told. The horse responded to him, moving quietly, but all hell broke loose once the rope was over.
“Keep hold, even if he goes right out to the end.”
A damp line of sweat graced his forehead, but he kept hold. This was the only rough part of the exercise and he hated it, but if he got it right this time, it wouldn’t need to be done again. Because animals and force were not two words he liked used in the same sentence.
The horse stopped bucking and rearing and came to a halt, eyeing him cautiously from a small distance.
“Good boy.” He said the words softly before approaching him again. “What a good fella.”
“Give him a pat and then put the halter on him,” his granddad called out.
Ben moved forward, smiling at the horse as he stood calmly. He gave him a scratch behind the ear and then lifted the halter, rubbing his sweet spots as he did so.
Nice and gentle, Ben reminded himself, reaching up and folding the leather strap over the horse’s nose and behind his pricked ears. The horse stood still, ears flickering as he listened to him, accepting what was happening.
Ben stood back and grinned. Working with his grandfather for just one morning was worth having come home for.
“Good job, son. Well done.”
He gave the horse one final pat and then opened up the gate out of the yard, letting him canter off over to the other young stock. Ben moved toward his granddad, pleased to see the smile on his weathered face.
“It’s in your blood, always has been, always will be.”
His granddad’s voice was strong and deep, but the slap he gave Ben on his shoulder wasn’t as powerful as it used to be; his gnarled, weathered hands failing him after years of hard work. Gus McFarlane was a strong man, the kind of man who was used to commanding attention when he wanted it, but he was deteriorating fast. There was something the old man wasn’t telling him, he just knew it.
“So have you been coping okay? On your own I mean?”
Gus used a cane, walking slowly over the grass. Mind as sharp as a tack, but the body just not keeping up. Guilt washed over Ben—he’d been so desperate to leave Australia and follow his own dreams, but now that he was back he was seriously regretting leaving his granddad for so long.
“You ever hear from the Stewart girl?”
Ben’s body went rigid. “Rebecca? Yeah, well, sort of. I mean, I went to see her when I got back.” He tried to sound nonchalant. “Yesterday, actually.”
“Great girl that one. You should have married her, you know that, right?”
Yeah, he knew. But Bec was...well, Bec. It was never that he hadn’t been attracted to her, or that he hadn’t wanted her, but he’d always known he could never give her enough and he still couldn’t. Settling down with a nice girl just hadn’t been part of his plan, what he’d imagined for himself, because he’d always been focused on what he wanted. And now that he didn’t have polo, he was at more of a loss about what he wanted from life than he’d ever been.
“She gave up returning my emails a long time ago, Granddad.” He wasn’t going to let Rebecca off the hook, not when he was getting the look from the old man. The fact their friendship had fallen by the wayside was as much her fault as it was his. “And we were only friends, you know that. Nothing more.” His granddad didn’t need to know they’d spent a night together, and that’s all it had been—one night, not a relationship.
“Great little rider, that one. Hard worker and a good seat in the saddle. Not to mention darn nice to look at.”
“Yup,” Ben agreed.
“Bring her out here sometime. I’ve a filly that needs to be ridden by a woman, and there ain’t none of them out here anymore.”
Ben thought about Bec, about having her out here again. Would she even come if he asked her to? Four years hadn’t quelled his desire for her, but things had changed, heck, she’d changed.
“She won’t have ridden in a long time.” He doubted she’d make the trip. “And I’m not sure we’re on the best terms.” It had been awkward between them the other day, even if he had enjoyed seeing her again.
Gus stopped then, resting heavily on his cane.
“Don’t matter how long it’s been, because a woman like her? She’s a natural, just like you.” He chuckled. “And unless she’s already married, don’t be a quitter, son. You don’t give up on her if she’s what you want.”
Ben cleared his throat. His grandfather was unbelievable—he’d only been home a few days and already he was giving him advice on his love life.
“I haven’t got long now, doc said maybe only six months. I’m not gonna beat the cancer this time, son.” He shrugged. “Tell Rebecca I want to see her. What kind of girl would say no to a dying old man, huh?”
It was his turn to give Gus a slap on the shoulder. Thinking about his granddad dying was not something Ben wanted to give in to, and if the old man wanted Rebecca, then who was he to say no?
“We’ll be right, Granddad. Cancer won’t beat you.”
But it would and they both knew it.
* * *
“Table six! No menus yet.”
Rebecca hurried to the kitchen as the bell dinged. She hated keeping her customers waiting, especially the regulars she saw seated at her tables every week.
“Phone for you, Bec.”
“Take a message,” she hollered back.
“Sure?”
She gave the young waiter a hard stare and he shrugged. Who the hell would be calling her during a lunch shift?
She placed the empty plates down and hurried out back.
“It wasn’t about Lexie was it?” She regretted her sharp tone and gave the young guy a smile.
“Nah, someone called Ben. Said you’d know how to get in touch.”
The name hit her like a thump to her lungs. Ben. Why was he calling here? She glanced around, saw that everything was under control and stepped back from the counter. “I’m taking ten,” she called out, heading out the back door, suddenly desperately in need of fresh air and sunlight.
She ignored the noise of the city, the streets filled with all kinds of people rushing back and forward, and took a deep breath, pulling her mobile from her pocket. She should have ignored his call, stopped thinking about what she’d had with Ben before he left, but it was an impossible task and she knew it.
Seeing Ben had reminded her, what they were both missing out on, of how nice it would be to have a man around. Not just any man, but a Ben kind of man. But she’d made the decision to let him go without saying anything about how she felt, and no amount of regrets was going to change that.
And now she had to decide whether to return his call or not. And at the same time figure out what the hell I’m going to do about telling him he has a daughter.
She bit down hard on her lower lip and dialed the number, quickly as if the speed was going to make a difference. The number was still ingrained in her memory, digits that she had never, ever forgotten. Hell, it had once been her favorite number, and not just for Ben being at the other end of it. Because Gus had been as much her lifeline back then as Ben had. When he’d offer her a ride it had been like a junkie getting a fix.
She kept repeating the number in her mind, silently, lips barely moving as it rung.
“McFarlane Stables.”
Phew. It wasn’t Ben.
“Gus!” At least she didn’t have to hide her excitement with him. “I’ve missed you so much.”
“I don’t have many young ladies call me, so I’m guessing that’s you, Rebecca.”
His voice was strong, but it crackled more than it used to. Those soft, kind tones that had soothed her and taught her when she was a girl—he’d been the grandfather she’d always wished was her own.
“How did you guess?”
His laughter rumbled down the line. “Something to do with me telling that grandson of mine to get you out here before I kick the bucket.”
“Gus! Don’t talk like that.”
“Ah, but it’s true, love.”
“Gus,” she said, not knowing what else to say to the man she still cared so much about.
“Let’s not talk morbid. Just promise me you’re coming to see us.”
The silence was all her doing this time. She hadn’t expected an invitation to McFarlane’s, in fact, she hadn’t even considered the possibility of going back there. But it was tempting, just the thought of taking a step back in the past even if it was just for a few hours.
“So, are you coming or not?” He never had been one to waste words.
“I, ah...” She’d kept her secret for so long, the last thing she needed was for it to all unravel now before she had time to figure everything out and deal with it properly, and she’d have to ask her folks to look after Lexie.
“Rebecca?”
A tightness in her throat made it hard for her to say anything. “Well...” She paused. “Yes.”
“Yes?”
“How about I come down this Saturday?” she asked.
“Bring your bag, love. I want you to enjoy the weekend here. Got a horse that needs your help.”
She choked. The thought of going back in time, of horses, of Gus...it was hard. Exciting, thrilling, terrifying...but still hard.
“I’ll tell the boy you’re coming.”
Uh-oh. The silver-tongued old fox had talked her into a weekend away, all without a hint of protest from her, and she’d forgotten about the reality of Ben. About the fact that it wasn’t just going to be her and Gus reminiscing, that it wasn’t about being old friends and catching up. Just like old times. That’s what he’d said, but there was no way anything between her and Ben was like it used to be.
At least she had nothing to feel guilty about where Lexie was concerned—she spent every Saturday night with her grandparents anyway, but still...she usually didn’t feel bad about having Saturday night off from parenting each week because she worked, but having an evening to herself seemed wrong somehow. Even though she’d never done it once in her daughter’s three years before.
But she deserved one weekend to herself, and she just couldn’t risk taking her with her.
A butterfly-soft shiver ran the length of her spine. But this was Ben, this was a step back into the past for one night, and the idea of seeing him again... She shook her head as if it would somehow push her worries away.
She was going to do it. And then she’d figure out how to break the news to him, because now he was home, and if he was home for good, then all the reasons she had for keeping Lexie from him were gone.
CHAPTER THREE (#ulink_882c056a-2f95-5a1b-87ad-545a79254d0c)
THIS WAS HARDER than she’d thought. Just the idea of seeing Ben had her stomach turning, twisting into a cavalcade of knots. She focused on the road and gripped the wheel tighter, pulling over just near the turnoff and trying to slow her breathing, trying to stop her hands from trembling, too. If she could only still them enough to smudge some gloss over her dry lips, run her fingers through her hair and press a smidge of perfume to her neck, she’d be fine.
The driveway loomed ahead; as immaculate as she’d remembered it. Gus was an old man now, but his standards hadn’t slipped, and she found herself hoping the stables and house were unchanged, too. Her memories were so vivid, colorful in her mind as if she’d been here merely months ago, instead of years.
She pushed the lever down into Drive again, satisfied that she looked passable in the mirror, and pulled slowly into the driveway. Gravel crunched under the tires and trees softly waved against the metal of the vehicle as if welcoming her. Bec took a deep breath and found emotions getting the better of her. Up until a week ago, she’d never expected to see this place again, but it was so good to be back.
Up ahead she could just see the house, a triple brick, beautiful residence that was as immaculate as the drive. Roses were neatly clipped, windows thrown wide, one of the most gorgeous houses she’d ever seen. Her own family home was nice, better than modest, but this place was something else. And then her eyes settled on her once favorite part of the property—the row of stables, in an L-shape, to the left of the house.
She slowed the car to a crawl as she surveyed the place, looking for any sign of life and seeing none. There were no horses in sight, but then at this time of day it wasn’t to be expected. Apart from a ginger cat stretched out in the sun, it was as good as deserted. In a way she was glad, it gave her time to walk around and reminisce before figuring out what to say to Ben.
She pushed open the car door and let it shut behind her as she stretched her legs. The sun was warm on her bare arms and she moved toward the stables, eyes wandering everywhere. What she loved about this place was the privacy, with only the side of the stables visible. Bec had heard there were fewer horses here than ever now that Gus had slowed down, but as soon as she rounded the building it became obvious that reduced numbers for him were still impressive.
The property had been purpose built with horse rearing and polo playing in mind. The old stables had been meticulously cared for and maintained over the years, and Rebecca stopped to look. The stables stretched in a long line, flanked by larger, box stalls tying up bays. The wooden structures were faded yet clean, the white and navy colors still vivid in her mind from years ago. Wisteria curled down over the edges, pots of bright flowers infusing color into the well-kept area. The door to the tack room was wide-open, and Rebecca could smell the aroma of saddle soap and sweaty horse blankets. It was a blast from the past that made her smile.
She continued on, stopping to rub a nose poking out from one of the boxes. The smell of hay, the sight of horseflesh, it sent a shiver of both excitement and worry through her body. The same kind of feeling she got thinking about Ben.
Rebecca looked ahead to the land before her. The most sheltered field was still kept for young stock, and from the looks of them, recently weaned fillies and colts. Frisky-looking babies who were having a ball of a time, playing and scolding one another in the safe, well-fenced environment. Working with the young stock had been something she and Ben had both enjoyed. Teaching them their manners, how to respect humans, all without needing to use a firm hand. Back then, she and Ben had always had their heads buried in a Monty Roberts book, the legendary horse whisperer who flaunted industry-standard horse breaking rules.
Rebecca walked on and let her eyes wander, taking in the sights, but it was the noise out to her right that had the blood pumping that little bit faster in her veins, that had a smile turning her mouth upward.
She could just make out someone, who she presumed was Gus, excitedly waving what looked to be a cane as some young guys trained. At least six horses rushed past in a blur, hooves pounding hard on the ground as they thundered fast alongside each other. Her feet picked up speed and she rushed toward them, desperately wanting to watch the game as the horses and riders galloped around the polo field.
She didn’t want to disturb Gus, so she approached quietly once she was close, watching the riders compete for the ball, heading toward the goal. From her vantage point, she snuck a quick glance at the old man before her and felt sad, it was like he’d shrunk a little and aged so quickly, but it was unmistakably the same kind person who had been so good to her for so many years.
“Go, go, go!” She jumped as Gus screamed, waving his stick again.
As one of the players made a goal he threw his stick, one hand pumping up in a fist. She couldn’t help but laugh.
“Gus.” Her voice was soft but he turned immediately on the spot, his eyes meeting hers.
Gus looked her over for a moment before a big smile spread out wide over his face.
“Rebecca! Well, look at you.”
He held out his arms and she reached him in no time, embracing him fondly.
“It’s so good to be back here, to see you,” she mumbled, holding him tight.
He smiled at her as she stepped back, his eyes shining.
“Just look at you. Look at you, huh? All grown-up.”
She beamed, embarrassed yet flattered. Before she could answer a voice interrupted them, sending her almost a foot in the air with fright.
“Becca.”
Ben. She would recognize that voice anywhere. Deep, rich and delicious. He sat astride a blowing, sweaty polo pony that was now dancing very close to her.
“Good goal, son. I’ll walk him back for you.”
Ben jumped to the ground and passed Gus the reins.
“You sure you’re okay taking him?”
The older man just looked skyward, eyes rolling. Bec knew it would take more than a highly strung horse to keep him from where the action was, walking cane or not.
Bec stole a glance at Ben while his attention was still directed at the horse before looking away. If only he wasn’t so handsome, so charming, so...not available. Or possibly available, she had no idea if he had a girlfriend or not, but not available to her. She was all about no complications, being a mother, nothing else. Nothing else, she repeated inside her head just in case her body was thinking of disagreeing. She’d been happy being friends with him for so long, but ever since that night...
“Hey.”
He was talking to her. Damn it! And there she was away in fairyland.
“You looked good out there.” It was all she could think to say, but the truth was she hadn’t even realized he was the one in the saddle.
“Yeah, well, I’m happy to be home, but I’m still craving some saddle time.” He grinned at her and pulled his helmet off, turning toward the field where some of the guys were still training, and ran a hand through his short hair. “You ever think about getting back up again?”
It had been a long time for her, a dream she’d long since given up, and now she was a mom she was way more cautious than she’d once been. The allure of the polo field now was more about watching than actually doing. And besides, that fall had almost broken her. It had taken everything away from her; her dreams, her future. And Ben.
“Maybe,” she lied. Or maybe it wasn’t a lie. Being back here was giving her all sorts of mixed emotions, making her question everything. “It’s not something I’ve really thought about, to be honest.”
Ben turned to her then and reached out a hand, touching her arm so lightly she almost wondered if she was imagining it.
“It’s great to have you here, Bec.”
She struggled for words, her skin tingling where he’d touched her. They’d been best friends for years, before one night had changed everything, and now she could hardly look at him without thinking about the fact she’d seen him naked. And how darn good he’d looked.
“It feels good being back here.” She hardly trusted her voice.
He started to walk and she followed his lead, his long legs eating up the ground.
“There’s something about this place, Bec. It’s good for the soul.”
He stopped then, turning to face her, pulling her hands into his and holding them tight. He studied her with such intensity she didn’t know where to look or what to say.
“I’m sorry, Bec, for expecting you to stay in touch after what happened, for leaving you in the first place,” he said, his voice low. “I never stopped thinking about you, but it all just got so complicated. So much for best friends, huh?”
Until we ruined it. They were the unspoken words hanging between them.
Bec gulped, her eyes burning with tears. Their friendship? Was that all he wanted from her? Lexie’s beautiful little face flashed before her and she almost told him, so wanted to tell him that he was the father of her beautiful daughter, but she didn’t. Couldn’t yet, even though she knew she had to. Because she also knew that he never wanted children—he’d told her since they were in high school that he wasn’t ever going to be a dad after what he’d been through—and she knew nothing would ever change his mind. But she couldn’t deny him the chance, couldn’t keep this from him any longer.
“I’ve missed you, Ben. But things change, and I guess we just grew apart, right?”
“Maybe we should have both stuck to our plan. Gone to the UK together and both played.”
“It would have been good, huh?” Only the reality was that Ben had been picked up by a team in Argentina, and she hadn’t, and instead of telling him the truth, she’d made out like she couldn’t leave her family. That it wasn’t what she wanted. Maybe if he’d asked her to go as more than friends, maybe if her confidence hadn’t been shattered after the fall and she’d not been such a mess over everything. Maybe then things could or would have been different.
His eyes were as sad as hers as he watched her. “Come on, let’s show you around. There’s something I want you to see.”
Her eyebrows dragged together as he turned and started to walk again, tugging her along with him.
“Well, more like Gus wants you to see it. Just come and take a look.”
Her curiosity was piqued, and she hurried to keep up with him. Make her hair longer, she thought, take away the soft crinkles around his eyes and they could have gone back five or so years. To a time when everything had seemed possible, when they were both in charge of their own destinies, before fate and life had intervened. Before she’d fallen pregnant to a man she’d loved with all her heart, and instead of asking him to stay behind because she loved him, she’d let him go. She couldn’t help but wonder if he would have left and not come home, had she told him how she really felt. If she’d called him and told him that she was pregnant. But then deep down she knew the answer to that.
Ben would never have left her, not if he knew how she felt, if he knew that she was carrying his baby. And that was precisely why she’d lied, told him they’d made a mistake that night, that they were better as friends. Because she didn’t believe in clipping the wings of a bird to keep it at home, and Ben had been like an eagle ready to soar through the sky. And she never wanted to be responsible for ruining Ben’s life, and seeing him repeat the same mistakes his mother had.
CHAPTER FOUR (#ulink_c29f1353-f509-53bb-bbbb-083fb65d1808)
“SHE’S BEAUTIFUL.”
Rebecca ran her eyes over every inch of the horse. It wasn’t hard to act interested—the filly was one of the most beautiful animals she had ever seen. Endless black legs, four white socks and a silky long tail. Her face was framed by a wide white blaze, stretching all the way to her nostrils; dark brown eyes like pools of trust, following every movement she and Ben made.
He didn’t say anything, just watched the horse, arms slung over the corral fence, one foot resting on the lowest tread of timber.
“So, what’s the deal with her?”
Ben shrugged, broad shoulders moving under his shirt. She was glad to have the distraction of the horse, because she was finding it almost impossible not to stare at him.
“She’s had all the guys on, doesn’t seem to like them.”
“How about you?” Rebecca asked. “Does she like you?”
He laughed. “Nope, not particularly.”
They looked at one another. They were both thinking the same thing, Rebecca could tell by the look in his eyes. There had always been the odd horse that had worked better for one of them or the other, it was about personalities, the rider clicking with beast. But there had been one very special mare who’d only ever worked for Rebecca, to the point where Gus had decided the horse was useless for anyone else, and had given her over to Bec. It had all worked well, her dream come true to own such an amazing mare, until the accident. She’d lost her nerve, and her will to ride, and her beautiful mare had lost her life. The memory flash made her skin prickle. And then she’d lost her best friend, all in the course of a couple of months, as well as her dreams of making it big in the polo world. She’d never gotten over that period in her life, had always just pushed it from her mind, but her pain was still raw.
Ben let out a big breath of air and gave her a smile—a slow rise of his mouth, followed by a gentle wink. It was as if he had put his arm around her, comforted her, just by looking at her. No one else had ever made her feel quite like Ben could. Embraced, comforted, cared for, all in a single look. Pity it had taken her so many years to figure out that she was in love with him. When they’d finally taken that step, he was gone, and then she went from losing a friend to nursing a broken heart. Ben had never said anything, never told her that he thought of her as any more than a friend, and so she’d just kept her mouth shut and let him get on with his life.
“So what do you think?”
Rebecca raised her eyes. What did she think? Her mind was racing, took her a moment to remember what they were even talking about. And then she glanced at the filly before them.
Ben was watching her, waiting for her answer. But here, back on a horse again, after all this time?
“I, ah, don’t think so.”
Ben stepped up onto the railing and hauled himself into the corral. “If I persist long enough, she’ll let me catch her, but she’s wild when anyone tries to get near her.”
“And you expect me to do what you guys can’t?”
Ben walked backward until his back was pressed against the wooden rails, before climbing up to sit on the fence.
“You know you can do it, Bec.”
Rebecca stayed on the other side of the fence, close to Ben but not quite touching. It was tempting, she could admit that, but there was no way she was up to it. No way she could summon the courage to climb on a spirited horse and stay calm enough and confident enough to be in control. Not after all this time.
“What’s her name?”
Ben turned and smiled. “That mean you’re ready to give it a go?”
She laughed, shaking her head as she looked back at the horse. No, all it meant was she was trying to change the subject.
“Missy,” he told her. “Her name’s Missy.”
Rebecca kept watching the horse. Missy. She played the name through her mind. It was a pretty name, but it didn’t make any difference. She wasn’t going near her.
“What do you say?”
“Just give me some time.” The words came out before she could think longer. And she wasn’t even sure she was still talking about horses.
Ben jumped off the fence and landed on the hard packed dirt, his feet falling inches away from hers. Rebecca had a funny feeling she would live to regret that comment. There was no way he was going to let her leave at the end of this weekend without trying her luck with that horse, and the very idea terrified her. She didn’t know if it was simply losing her nerve or just the years of not riding catching up on her, but she couldn’t even comprehend climbing back into the saddle, with or without Ben egging her on.
He stood close to her, too close, and their eyes met for just a second. It was long enough to feel like one second too long, though. Neither of them knew what to say. Ben because he wasn’t the type to just come out and say something, and her because she had too much to hide. Too much at stake. Just being with him was a risk, or at least it was until she was ready to come clean and tell him what she’d done. It wasn’t that she was going to keep it from him, she just wanted to do it right, to break it to him the right way, if that was even possible.
* * *
Rebecca walked beside Ben. She was listening to him but her eyes were floating around their surroundings, drinking in the familiar sights she had gone so long without seeing.
“What do you think?”
She turned her attention back to Ben. She had no idea what he was talking about. Again.
Gus appeared ahead of them and saved her from having to answer. He leaned against the corner of the stable block, resting a leg, but he was smiling. Rebecca guessed that he was probably feeling worse than he let on, but this was his life. The alternative was to cart him off to hospital, or a rest home, and what good would that do him? He deserved to be here till his last day, doing what he loved.
“So when are you two going off for a ride?”
Rebecca laughed and glanced at Ben. She hoped that he hadn’t put his grandfather up to it. “I’m not sure I’ll be riding at all this weekend. These days I prefer my feet firmly on the ground.”
“Do you remember Willy?” Gus asked
She nodded. “Who could forget him?” Although as she said it, she was wondering if it was a trick question. “He must be, what? Twenty...twenty-two years old now?” He’d been Gus’s horse when she was a teenager. The most reliable, safe, sweet horse she’d ever come across, and he’d been Gus’s pride and joy.
“Sure is. I can’t ride anymore and he’s going to waste just sitting around. Thought he could do with a walk around the farm. What do you say?”
Rebecca took a step backward and walked straight smack bang into Ben. He must have stopped right behind her, his large frame preventing her from making a getaway. She lurched forward and felt trapped. Backward meant into Ben and forward meant the horse. She didn’t know what scared her more. Her heart was hammering, although the idea of falling back into the warmth of Ben’s body was sounding like the more attractive option right now.
“I, ah, I don’t know, Gus. Really, I...”
“Are you telling me you came all the way here without your riding gear?”
Gulp. He had her there. Yes, she had brought it, but with no intention of actually putting it on. She eyed up the horse some more and felt a lump of genuine terror knot in her throat, but at least riding would give her a distraction aside from Ben.
“How about it, Bec?”
Ben placed his hands on either side of her arms, still standing behind her. It was nothing more than a gentle press of his skin against hers, but it sent a butterfly-soft shiver down her back. He was too close and it was only making her feel more guilty about everything, like a traitor for even being there.
Gus was watching her, Ben was touching her, even the horse seemed to be staring at her, waiting for her answer.
“Okay fine, I’ll do it.”
Maybe it was the pressure, the sun making her giddy, hell, it might have even been the way Ben was looking at her, but she felt her resolve buckle. But all of a sudden going for a trail ride didn’t seem like the stupidest idea in the world.
“Okay?” Ben seemed doubtful, and Gus winked before leaving them to it.
“Don’t sound so surprised,” she muttered.
She knew this was only the start of it, or maybe it wasn’t. Because once she told Ben the truth he’d never forgive her, and then she’d never be invited back ever again.
“Do you want to go get changed?” Ben asked.
He looked her up and down, and Rebecca tried not to laugh as a smile kicked the corners of her mouth up. “I’ve never ridden in a sundress and sandals before, and I’m not about to start.”
She turned and headed back to the car as Ben laughed, wanting to look back at him but not letting herself. There was something about Ben, there always had been; a quiet strength about him that she’d been drawn to when they were both only at school, and that confidence had translated into a super sexy guy. There was nothing arrogant about him even though he’d played with the best polo players in the world, and his manner with animals? That had always set him apart from any man she’d ever met before. And it was why he’d be such a darn good father. She swallowed hard and tried not to think about what-ifs—Ben had made it clear he wasn’t ever going to have a family of his own, that he wouldn’t ever repeat the mistakes his own mom had made, and she knew that his hurt ran so deep that nothing, nothing, was capable of changing his mind. Which was why she’d kept her secret all this time. But now it was time for him to decide, for him to be the one to make that choice.
She tugged the car door open and grabbed her bag. All of her other belongings were in a small suitcase, but her riding clothes were in the same bag they’d always been in. She pulled back the zip and just looked at them for a moment, before sucking up all her jitters and swallowing them away.
She looked around to check she was alone, then took off her sandals and replaced them with socks and pulled her jodhpurs over her ankles and up her thighs. The material stretched tight, but she was pleased to be able to do the waist up. Years on, not to mention one child later, and she could still fit into the tight breeches—it was a good feeling.
Rebecca tugged her dress over her shoulders and placed it on the backseat, before grabbing her former favorite faded gray Pearl Jam T-shirt she had once worn on a daily basis. She searched for a tie in the glove box and then yanked her hair into a plait, before grabbing her helmet and gloves and closing the car door.
This was it. It was now or never.
Ben emerged from around the side of the stables, sitting astride a striking chestnut horse, and leading Willy on his left. She drew in a big breath of air and marched onward, trying hard to keep her smile from faltering.
“You look good.”
His words made her smile, even if she didn’t believe him for a second. “Liar liar pants on fire,” she joked. “But thanks for the compliment.”
“Need a hand getting on?” he asked.
“Nah, I’m fine.” She was lying, but she’d rather struggle on without any assistance from Ben. His hands anywhere near her body right now was not a good idea.
She took the reins and lifted her left leg, hopping on one foot as she tried to get it high enough to get her left one through the stirrup.
“Not quite as flexible as you used to be, huh?”
Ben dismounted and moved to help her. Heat flooded Rebecca’s face as he touched her shoulder, laughing softly.
“If it makes you feel any better, some of the guys I rode with in Argentina spent half their lives on horseback and could only mount if they were standing on a fence.”
Rebecca grimaced. She hadn’t realized that getting on the horse would be the tough part.
“Here.”
Ben cupped his hands and indicated for her to put her knee up. She did, his strong palms closing around her leg, sending spasms of warmth through her body.
“Thanks,” she said. “On three.”
She bounced three times before Ben sprang her into the air, and straight on to Willy’s back. She landed with a soft thump and felt that all too familiar turmoil in her stomach. The accident hit her memory bank like it was yesterday.
She was about to jump straight off when Ben placed a hand to her thigh, almost sending her flying off the other side. All those years they had touched, slept side by side in sleeping bags, sat close, and there had never been a reaction like that. It was as if that one night all those years ago was still pulling them together; their skin still reactive to the pressure of one another’s touch. His hand felt hot, heating through the fabric of her jodhpurs, and she knew he felt it, too.
“You’re okay,” he soothed, never taking his eyes off her.
She swallowed a lump that felt as big as a rock and nodded. Suddenly the horse seemed like the safe bet.
Ben raised his other hand to shield his eyes from the sun, gave her one of his sexy-as-heck winks and then turned back to his horse.
“You’ll be just fine.”
All of a sudden she knew she was right. It wasn’t the horse she needed to be scared of. Danger had just looked her straight in the eye and she’d managed to survive it. For now.
CHAPTER FIVE (#ulink_7254b433-8ecc-50df-9e23-970ee35beae0)
REBECCA FINALLY STARTED to relax. Her back had been rigid, legs clammy and neck stiff. She wondered if she’d even been breathing for fear of falling off.
“I guess this is why they say to get straight back in the saddle after a fall.”
Ben was riding slightly ahead of her but he reined back to match her horse’s stride.
“Sometimes that’s easier said than done,” he said.
“I’ve kept something from you all this time, Ben,” she admitted. It was almost impossible preparing to confess this, let alone telling him her big secret. Baby steps, she just needed to take baby steps.
He turned to watch her, eyebrows raised in question.
Rebecca sighed, looking away from him. She’d told him at the time that she’d turned down the offer she’d been made, that she’d decided she just didn’t want to leave her family and live overseas anymore. “I lied to you,” she said simply. “I was never offered a position on the women’s team, but I didn’t want to hold you back, and then after my fall, I didn’t even know if I wanted to play anymore.”
When he never replied, the only sound their horses’ hooves echoing on the dirt, she braved a glance at him. From side on his jaw looked like it was cut from steel, his entire face like stone.
“You shouldn’t have done that.” His voice was deep and gravelly. “I wouldn’t have just left you like that if I’d...”
“And that’s why I did it. I wasn’t going to make you second-guess what you wanted. We were only friends, right?” Just saying it hurt her. “It wasn’t like you were walking out on your girlfriend.”
“So you lied and told me you couldn’t leave your family? That staying behind was what you wanted? That we just didn’t share the same dreams anymore?” He grunted. “And we might not have been dating, Bec, but we were damn good friends. We’d always planned on going together.”
She knew he was angry, but she’d needed to tell him.
“I just wanted you to know the truth, Ben. It was a long time ago, but still.”
He made a grunting noise again, his shoulders bunched. “You still shouldn’t have lied to me.”
“I was a mess after everything that happened,” she said. “I was still dreaming of making a team when in reality I was terrified at the idea of even getting on a horse and playing a game again. And then you...” She let her voice trail off, not really wanting to open up to him about how she’d felt. “I lost everything. My confidence was shattered and I was a mess.”
“I would have tried to help you, Bec. I wouldn’t have just walked away if I’d known the truth.”
And that’s why she hadn’t told him. She hadn’t wanted to clip his wings, would never have done that to him, but there had also been a little voice in her head telling her that after everything that had happened, she hadn’t been good enough for him anymore. That he wouldn’t want her if she couldn’t even muster the courage to get back in the saddle and try to make another team.
They rode in silence, Rebecca staring straight ahead, her nerves about being on horseback slowly disappearing. It was a strange feeling being nervous about a sport that had once been her life.
“So how do you feel right now?” Ben asked.
Bec relaxed her grip on the reins and sat deep in the saddle, actually loving how good it felt. The start of a smile was tugging at the corners of her mouth and she couldn’t resist the pull. Maybe he was going to let bygones be bygones, which meant that she had to do the same.
“You know what?” She grinned over at him, trying to push the past out of her mind, at least for the afternoon. “Now that I’m not hanging on for dear life, it feels kinda good.”
“How about a canter down to the creek?”
Ben was sitting straight-backed, comfortable in the saddle, his broad shoulders stretched wide. There was something about seeing him in his white T-shirt, jeans and baseball cap that sent her back years in her mind. He probably felt the same looking at her.
She sucked up her courage and shortened her reins. “Just remember that I’m not the rider I used to be.”
She clucked Willy first into a trot and then into his rocking horse canter. Rebecca moved back and forth, feeling her legs stretch out, calf muscles groaning with the movement. There was nothing particularly easy about riding all over again, but it was a bit like the old bike theory. Once you knew how, it was something you never truly forgot.
“Doing good, cowgirl, doing good,” called Ben with a cowboy drawl.
Rebecca stayed focused, still expecting Willy to do something out of the ordinary, but he behaved like a complete gentleman.
Ben pulled back to a walk and Rebecca followed his lead, her chest rising rapidly with the burst of exercise.
“It’s just up there.” He pointed.
“Uh-huh.” Her lungs were screaming for more air—she wasn’t capable of saying anything else.
They rode in silence the rest of the way, and Rebecca felt those darn butterflies ignite in her stomach again. Ben was gorgeous and charming and so easy to be around, and he hadn’t even given her that much of a grilling over the whole lie. He deserved to know about Lexie, too, once she figured out how to break it to him, then her. She just needed to make sure he was certain about staying, that he wasn’t going to end up sacrificing his life simply to act out of duty and stay for his daughter. Or her. That was why she’d let him go in the first place.
“You coming?”
Ben’s voice from up ahead spurred her back in to action. She urged Willy into a trot and shook her head to rid her mind of its worries.
* * *
Ben chanced a glance over his shoulder. Rebecca was sitting so elegantly on the horse it looked as though she was right at home, but he knew it had taken a lot of courage for her to get back in the saddle and open up to him. It was a weird feeling, being back out here with Rebecca. He wasn’t quite sure what to do, how to act, what to say. Did he behave like they were just old friends reunited, or was he meant to factor in that night? Maybe it was because he’d become used to casual relationships with women; women he’d meet after a polo game, drink champagne with and then realize he had absolutely zero things in common with them. Whereas with Bec...seeing her again was like finding a favorite something that he’d missed for years, then realizing it still fit like a glove. But they were only friends, had been only friends for years.
He stopped at the creek’s edge, no more than a trickle of water flowing down beneath some overhanging trees. It had been their spot, the place they’d always come to talk, when they needed to be alone. Parent troubles, friends, horse issues—it had been their place to figure life out.
It didn’t look any different now than it had then. Ben dismounted and tied his horse loosely to a blue gum tree. He turned back around to Rebecca. She had her feet out of the stirrups, stretching her ankles, and the grimace on her face was hard to ignore.
“Every single part of my body is protesting right now,” she explained.
“Want a hand down?”
Rebecca looked at him gratefully. “Oh, yeah.”
He tried his hardest not to look, not to feel, but it was impossible. She swung her far leg over and came down toward him, and Ben put both hands up, catching her around the waist and guiding her to the ground. She landed with a tiny thump.
His palms were pressed against the flimsy material of her T-shirt, he could feel her taut skin beneath his hands. Despite his best intentions he didn’t let go, not straight away, their bodies only inches apart. It wasn’t until Rebecca cleared her throat that he stepped back, hands falling away.
Ben was about to apologize, but she turned, her dark blue eyes smiling in his direction. There was nothing to be said. The attraction that had started the night before he’d left was still there, he knew it and she knew it. But things had changed. She was a mom now, and he couldn’t be a dad, not even a stepdad. And with Bec? If anything happened between them, it wasn’t going to be a casual night of sex again—she meant too much for him to treat her like that. Which left him wondering what the hell could happen between them. If he had to consider the possibility of getting close to someone’s else’s kid.
“I should be saying thank you, Bec,” he said, searching for the right words. “You shouldn’t have lied to me, but the fact that you let me follow my dreams? You were an awesome friend. It was the best thing I’ve ever done and I don’t regret it for a second.”
She nodded, her eyes leaving his as if she was nervous about something. “I wasn’t that great a friend.”
He chuckled. “Believe me, you were.” She hadn’t brought up that night and he wasn’t going to, either, because the last thing he needed was for her to be embarrassed when things were starting to feel easy between them again. “When my mom left, there wasn’t a day that went past that I didn’t feel guilty. Knowing that she’d sacrificed everything she’d ever wanted to have me, it made me feel like crap. But then I guess you already know all that, right?”
Rebecca reached out, her fingers brushing his arm in the softest caress as she met his gaze again. “She had no right to make you feel that way.”
Ben shrugged. “Maybe. But when you’re eight years old and you find out that your mom never wanted you? It’s not exactly an easy pill to swallow. No kid deserves that.”
“Maybe she regretted telling you that,” Rebecca said.
He ground his teeth together, trying to keep his anger at bay. “If she regretted it she’d have come back. She made it pretty clear that her career was more important than I was.”
Rebecca’s hand fell away, her smile sad. “You deserved better, Ben. We both know that.”
“Hey, I’m a big boy now, the past is in the past and all that,” he said, brushing it off as if it meant nothing to him, even though there wasn’t a day that passed that he didn’t wonder how a mother could do that to her son. “All I was trying to say was I’m not angry with you, for lying to me. You let me go, and I should be thanking you instead of being so angry. You were never the kind of person to hold someone back and that makes you special.”
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