What the Heart Knows
Margaret Daley
Kathleen Somers needed something to believe in again. Rocked by her husband' s death and her once-loving son' s transformation, she' d drifted away from God. It wasn' t until she met handsome Dr. Jared Matthews that she felt the first glimmer of hope. And something else…A burned-out widower, Jared thought he could offer Kathleen nothing but heartache. Still, he couldn' t desert her when the situation involving her son became a living nightmare. As he reached out to Kathleen, Jared finally saw what a relationship could be. Now he prayed that God' s love would give Kathleen the courage to follow her heart.…
“Why is this happening?
I don’t understand.”
“We will get through this, Kathleen. I promise.”
The vehemence in Jared’s voice reached through the haze that clouded her mind. Kathleen straightened and looked at him through a blur of tears. In that moment she realized she cared for this man a great deal, too much to handle on top of everything else. She closed her eyes, needing to block the sight of his endearing features. Tears leaked out.
The soft brush of Jared’s fingers under her eyes brought more tears to her. His kindness, his tenderness, unraveled her composure further.
“You are not alone,” Jared murmured and drew her against the cushion of his shoulder. “I am here. Your family, too, but most importantly, God is with you.”
MARGARET DALEY
feels she has been blessed. She has been married thirty-three years to her husband, Mike, whom she met in college. He is a terrific support and her best friend. They have one son, Shaun, who married his high school sweetheart in June 2002.
She has been writing for many years and loves to tell a story. When she was a little girl, she would play with her dolls and make up stories about their lives. Now she writes these stories down. She especially enjoys weaving stories about families and how faith in God can sustain a person when things get tough. When she isn’t writing, she is fortunate to be a teacher for students with special needs. She has taught for over twenty years and loves working with her students. She has also been a Special Olympics coach and participated in many sports with her students.
What the Heart Knows
Margaret Daley
www.millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk)
Thou art my hiding place and my shield: I hope in Thy word. Uphold me according unto Thy word, that I may live: and let me not be ashamed of my hope.
—Psalms 119:114, 116
To Helen Moore, a friend who has stuck by me
through the bad and good.
Friendship is so important, and
I have been blessed with good friends.
Contents
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Epilogue
Letter to Reader
Chapter One
Through the crowd packed into the church’s recreational hall, Kathleen Somers searched for her sister and nephew. She spied Laura waving from the front row. Quickly Kathleen hurried toward her, aware the talent show would be starting soon.
“I didn’t think you were coming. You’re never late.” Laura indicated she sit between herself and a young girl who looked familiar.
“I didn’t think Mark would ever get ready. He wanted to do this, but the way he was dragging his feet you would think I had made him.” Kathleen took her seat, smiling at the child next to her.
Laura leaned close and whispered, “Still having problems with Mark?”
Kathleen nodded, not wanting to discuss Mark and his odd behavior of late. Being sixteen was a difficult time in a person’s life, but the problems she was having with her son were going beyond adolescent rebellion.
The lights in the hall flashed off then on. The young girl next to Kathleen twisted around in her chair, scanning the back of the room. She knitted her brows together in a frown.
“Is something wrong?” Kathleen asked.
“Dad should be back by now.”
“Where did he go?”
She turned back around and peered at Kathleen. “Looking for my brother. You’re Chad’s aunt, aren’t you?”
“Yes, I’m Kathleen Somers.”
“I’m Hannah Matthews.”
So that was why she looked familiar. Kathleen was acquainted with her father, Dr. Jared Matthews. He took care of her sister’s children and was an active member of her family’s church.
“Didn’t you just move here?” Hannah asked. “Chad said something about helping you move into a house a few weeks back.”
“Yes, but I grew up in Crystal Springs, not that many years ago.”
“Like me.”
“Yeah. I went to Alcott Elementary and Morton Junior High.”
“I went to Alcott Elementary, and Morton Junior High is now Morton Middle School. That’s where I go.”
“Is Mrs. Brenner still teaching Home Economics?”
Hannah’s eyes grew round. “Oh, my gosh, yes! Isn’t she ancient?”
“She was when I was attending school. I can’t believe she hasn’t retired.”
“I think she’ll still be there when the school is condemned,” Hannah said with a giggle.
Dr. Jared Matthews approached them, a young boy about eight with dark blond hair at his side. Jared nodded a greeting, his blue eyes warm with a smile. “It’s good to see you again, Kathleen. Your return has been all your family has talked about for weeks.” He took the seat next to Hannah, his son plopping down next to him with a pout on his face and his arms folded over his chest. “Thank goodness I found Terry in the nick of time.”
“What happened?” Kathleen asked, marveling at how much Jared’s son looked like him, except for the hair color.
“Let’s just say Terry was being a little too enthusiastic in showing his appreciation for his sister.”
“Dad, what did Terry do?” Exasperation laced each word.
“He was writing your name on the barrel in the playground.”
Terry leaned around his dad, sticking his tongue out at Hannah. “Yeah, with Dylan’s.”
“Dylan?” The girl’s face screwed up into a frown.
“I saw you two talking earlier.” Terry began to chant, “Hannah and Dylan sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First—”
“Dad!”
Everyone in the recreational hall heard Hannah’s protest. Kathleen noticed a few people shift their attention to the girl.
Jared’s face turned red for a few seconds, his eyes round. “We can always leave if you two don’t settle down.”
Kathleen was amazed by Jared’s calm tone. His quiet voice held a firmness, however, that promptly communicated his message to Terry and Hannah. Her sister had told her he was good with children. Kathleen had to agree. She wished she felt that way about her relationship with her son. There was a time when she and Mark had been extremely close. Now she found it hard even to carry on a conversation with him. What had happened these past six months to change everything? Was he just being a typical teenager?
“See why I sit between these two?” Jared said, catching her attention. “There are times I think they live to fight with each other.”
“You should have seen Laura and me when we were growing up. We used to drive our parents crazy.” The lights in the hall dimmed again. “Too bad they’re on vacation. They’ll hate missing my son’s performance. They haven’t seen him play in a while.”
“I didn’t realize he was one of the performers. This will be a treat for us.” Jared settled back to enjoy the show as the curtains opened on the first act.
Mark appeared on stage after the fifth act. Kathleen shifted in the seat, crossing and uncrossing her legs. He sat on a stool in front of the mike and adjusted its height, then began to play the Beatles’ song, “Yesterday.” With his gaze fixed on the floor, he made it through the first verse with not one mistake. A constriction in Kathleen’s chest lessened as her son continued playing. Even though he didn’t look at the audience, she saw a glimpse of the old Mark on stage.
Halfway through the second verse Mark stopped playing and shot to his feet. He stared at the people at the back of the recreational hall, his posture ramrod straight as though he would break any second. Silence, thick and heavy, reigned. Transfixed, Kathleen held her breath.
Suddenly Mark raised his Les Paul guitar and smashed it against the floor. Once. Twice. Several people gasped. Mark tossed the fragments toward the back curtain, then spun about and raced from the stage.
Breathe, Kathleen’s mind commanded. She sucked in a deep gulp of air and nearly choked. Her heart pounded against her chest while she continued to draw air into her lungs between coughs. The empty stage and the unearthly silence hammered home what had just happened with her son.
Then all at once people began to talk around her, their voices bombarding her from every side. She had to get to Mark. Bolting to her feet, her chair toppling over, she hurried after her son, faintly aware someone was following her flight from the room.
She scanned the long hall leading to the classrooms. Nothing. The outside door beckoned. She moved toward it. Her sister called out.
Kathleen pivoted. “Please go reassure everyone. I can take care of finding Mark.”
Laura started to say something.
“I’m fine. I’m sure Mark raised a few eyebrows.”
Laura headed back into the recreational hall, leaving Kathleen alone in the lobby. She fought the desire to call her sister back, but Laura was very good at making a situation not seem so bad and she was sure many people had questions about what just happened. She had questions.
Kathleen pushed through the double doors. Heat still hung in the air. Bright oranges and reds streaked the sky, proclaiming a beautiful sunset. Kathleen turned away from its beauty and searched the parking lot. The beating of her heart thundered in her ears, drowning out all sounds of traffic on the road.
Where was Mark? She thought for sure he would be standing by their car. He wasn’t anywhere in sight. Panic gnawed at her insides. She remembered the time he had run away a few months back in Shreveport. It had only been for a day, but—
“Kathleen?”
A hand clasped her shoulder. She twisted about to find Jared Matthews standing right behind her. “I can’t find him!”
“I’ll help you look. He couldn’t have gone far. Maybe he’s still in the building.”
Stepping back, she shook her head. “I don’t think so. I—” Words lumped in her throat. Tears misted her eyes, blurring her view of Jared.
He came to her side and placed a comforting hand on her arm. “It’ll be all right. I’ll look in the parking lot and that area beyond. You search the playground and garden. Okay?”
She brushed away a tear that slid down her cheek. “Yes.”
Kathleen hurried toward the playground, suddenly remembering the times her son used to love playing on a jungle gym or swinging on a swing as high as he could go. Years ago. Had she lost him? Why would he smash his Les Paul guitar? He loved it. It had been her son’s most prized possession, cherished even more because it was one of the last things his father had given him before he’d died. It had been John’s guitar when he was growing up.
A deserted playground greeted her. The wind stirred a flag but that was all that moved. When she started for the garden, she caught a glimpse of the barrel that Terry had written on. The sight of Hannah and Dylan’s names brought a faint smile to her mouth that hovered for a second then vanished. She pressed on, wishing she had the time for something frivolous.
In the middle of the garden of tall pine trees from past parishioners’ Christmases, Kathleen located Mark sitting on the ground, propped against a stone bench. He clasped his knees to his chest and stared, unblinking, at a spot a few feet from him.
“Mark?”
He didn’t move.
Kathleen knelt down in front of him and blocked his view, forcing him to look at her. “Mark, what happened back there?”
“I don’t want to play anymore.”
There wasn’t any emotion in his voice or on his face. The sight made Kathleen shudder. He slid his gaze from hers, again finding a spot to the side of her to stare at. Icy tentacles burrowed deep inside her. Even though the temperature hovered in the eighties, she hugged her arms to her. So cold.
“Mark, you don’t have to play music if you don’t want to.”
“I want to go home.” He uncurled himself and pushed to his feet, his movements jerky.
Kathleen rose, taking that time to school her features into a calm facade that was no indication of what she was really feeling inside—fear, fear that she was losing her son, fear that something was going on beyond teenage rebellion. “I think you should see someone about—”
He whirled on her. “No! I told you no doctors.” Anger lined his face, his heavy dark brows slashed downward. “I’m fine. There’s nothing wrong with me. I don’t want to play. That is all.”
“But you destroyed your guitar, the one your father gave you.”
“It’s my guitar. I can do what I want with it.”
Again his expression smoothed into a bland one. For a fleeting moment Kathleen wondered if she had imagined her son’s anger. Now he looked as though nothing had happened in the recreational hall, as if every day he smashed his favorite things.
“Mark, please let me help you.”
He stiffened, pressing his lips together, but his expression remained neutral.
She thought of Mark at his father’s funeral, supporting her through the ordeal. All Kathleen wanted to do was pull her son into her arms and hold him. She ached with the need, but his rigid stance forbade it. What had she done wrong that she couldn’t reach her son when he needed her the most?
Footsteps sounding on the stone path drew her attention. Jared approached from the parking lot.
Mark stared at him. “I’m going to the car.” He rushed past her and Jared.
Kathleen started forward.
“Wait. Give him a moment.”
“Why? He—”
Jared stepped in front of her, blocking her path. “You need it.”
The tight rein she had on her composure broke. Tears streamed down her face, unchecked. She couldn’t seem to stop them. She rarely cried, and now she was crying in front of a practical stranger. “I don’t know what to do anymore.” She paused, inhaling deeply. “These past six months have been so difficult. He’s not sleeping like he used to. He often roams the house at night. He’s not eating well, either. In fact, this past week I’ve hardly seen him eating at all. Last night I saw him crying during a movie that was funny.” Swiping at her tears, she hiccuped.
His eyes showing his concern, Jared lifted his hand toward her but stopped. Instead he removed his handkerchief from his pocket and gave it to her. “It could be any number of things. I can run some tests and see what I find. Call the office Monday and set up an appointment.”
“That’s the problem. When I tried to get him to see his doctor in Shreveport, Mark refused. He disappeared the day I was going to take him to the doctor. Talk about a scare.” Kathleen raked her trembling fingers through her hair. “I even said something a few days ago about finding a new doctor in town and he stomped from the room, muttering he didn’t need one.”
“How does your son feel about the move to Crystal Springs? Could his recent change in behavior be because of it?”
She shook her head, brushing the cotton handkerchief across her cheeks, trying to remove all evidence of her lost composure. “We had a long talk before we moved and he told me he didn’t care one way or another. The last few months in Shreveport he didn’t do much with any of his friends.” She peered away, unsure of anything concerning her son of late. “I suppose it could be. I didn’t think he minded.”
“I understand from your sister your husband died not long ago?”
“Eighteen months.”
“His death was sudden, wasn’t it?”
“An accident at work. At first, I thought Mark’s unusual behavior might be because of his close relationship to his dad, but now I don’t know. I know teens can be moody and difficult, but I think this is more than that.”
“You might be right. If he won’t come in, I’m not sure what I can—” His eyes brightening, Jared snapped his fingers. “No, I have an idea. I’m the director of the youth group. Maybe if you can get him involved in the group, I can observe him indirectly. That might be a start.”
“I know his cousin is part of the youth group. I might be able to get him to attend a meeting. After that, I don’t know.” After wiping her face one last time, Kathleen balled the handkerchief in her fist, then stuffed it into her pants’ pocket to clean later.
“There’s a meeting Sunday evening. Maybe if he gets to know me, he’ll feel more comfortable with coming to see me.”
“As you can see, I don’t have many choices. I’m willing to try anything,” she murmured, for once feeling a ray of hope. Maybe that was the answer.
“I’ll walk you to the car. I’ll say something to Mark about the meeting Sunday evening.”
“He used to be very involved in the youth group in Shreveport until a few months ago. I hope you can convince him to come.”
“If not, I’ll think of something.” Jared fell into step next to her on the stone path leading to the parking lot.
“Frankly, where my son is concerned, I don’t know what to think anymore. Right after his father died he was so strong. He was a wonderful comfort to me.” Guilt wove its way through all the other feelings she was dealing with. Everywhere she’d gone in Shreveport, she’d been reminded of her deceased husband. All her friends had been John’s friends, as well. It had just gotten too painful for her to stay. She’d longed to be around her family; to renew the feeling of belonging she’d had when she’d lived in Crystal Springs as a child. Had she been wrong to leave Shreveport and her old life behind? To want some control back in her life? Had she driven her son to this behavior?
At the edge of the parking lot Kathleen glanced toward her silver Taurus, relieved to see Mark leaning against its hood with his arms crossed over his chest and his shoulders hunched. “For a while he talked to his school counselor, but even that stopped six months ago.”
“Let me see what I can do.”
She paused two rows away from her car and faced Jared. “My sister has a great deal of faith in your ability. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate your help.”
He offered her a reassuring smile that brightened his blue eyes. “The reason I became a doctor was because I wanted to help others when they were in trouble. Mark is in trouble. If there is a medical reason, I want to find it and make things better for him. If there isn’t a physical reason for his behavior, I still may be able to help him. I have to try.”
There was a touch of desperation in his last sentence that caused Kathleen to wonder what had put it there. She wished she knew him well enough to ask. “Thank you for being here.”
“You don’t need to thank me. It was the right thing to do.”
Dressed in a long-sleeved blue chambray shirt and tan slacks, Jared presented a confidence that gave her hope his plan might actually work. Observing Mark interacting with others and his environment was a start. She would continue to encourage her son to go to the doctor for a checkup, but without his cooperation she doubted it would work. “Not everyone would care,” she murmured, realizing this man had chosen to get involved in her and her son’s life when a lot of people, having witnessed what happened on stage, would run the other way.
“But that’s not what Christ taught us.”
Kathleen started to reply when she heard, “Mom. Come on.”
Shrugging, she said, “I’d better go.”
Jared followed her the rest of the way and offered his hand to Mark while he introduced himself. Her son limply shook it, his fingers barely touching Jared’s.
“I’d love to see you at the youth group meeting this Sunday evening. You probably know some of the guys who attend. Your cousin is one of our leaders.”
Mark avoided eye contact with Jared. “I don’t know if I can make it,” Mark mumbled to his chest.
“We’re going to plan a fundraiser, then continue our volleyball tournament. I can always pick you up if you want or you can come with your cousin. What do you say, Mark?”
Kathleen marveled at the persuasive tone in Jared’s voice and hoped her son agreed.
“I’ll think about it,” Mark mumbled, this time lifting his head and looking Jared in the eye for a few seconds before dropping his gaze again.
“Good. Summer around here can get long and boring without some things to do.”
Mark yanked the door open. “Let’s go, Mom.”
Over the top of the car Kathleen mouthed, “Thank you,” then slid behind the steering wheel.
After pulling out of the parking lot, Kathleen stopped at the corner and studied her son’s slumped posture and sullen expression. “I can take you if you want Sunday evening.” Her son had refused to get his driver’s license three months ago when he’d turned sixteen.
With his gaze glued straight ahead, Mark tensed. “I said I’d think about it.”
Kathleen eased her foot onto the accelerator and maneuvered the car out into the flow of traffic. At least her son hadn’t flat-out refused. There was hope. In fact, because of Jared Matthews she felt more hope than she had in a long time. Maybe this move home was going to turn out for the better after all. She needed to believe in something again. After John’s death she had lost faith, her prayers had gone unanswered. Then the recent events concerning Mark had found her drifting even further away from God.
Parking in her driveway, she curled her fingers tightly around the steering wheel and watched her son’s quick escape into the house. “I am not alone. I have my family here and someone who may be able to give me some insight into what’s going on with my son.” The words whispered in the quiet confines of the car reassured her for a moment until she saw her son come to his bedroom window and lower the black shade he’d insisted on having.
Lately Mark preferred to live in the dark, but she wouldn’t. No matter how much she wanted to do everything on her own, she couldn’t refuse help—not now when her son’s health was at stake. If she had an ounce of strength left in her, she would discover with Jared’s assistance what was wrong with Mark.
Chapter Two
Kathleen sat at her table in the kitchen looking out her bay window into the backyard. A green blanket of lush grass extended to a rock garden where a stone bench and birdbath beckoned. Watching a male cardinal land on a branch of her maple tree, she thought about her encounter the night before at the church with Dr. Jared Matthews. There was a presence about him that gave her some hope he might succeed where she hadn’t been able to with her son. Maybe he would be able to reach Mark.
As she brought the cup of hot tea to her lips, the doorbell rang, startling her from her musings. She checked the clock on the wall and noticed it was still early in the morning—eight. Quickly, before the person rang the bell again, she hurried to the door. Mark hadn’t been asleep long and she didn’t want anyone waking him up. He had been so tired after the talent show, and yet she’d heard him roaming around until a few hours ago.
When she opened the front door, she blinked several times, surprised to find Jared Matthews standing on her porch, his chest rising and falling rapidly.
Dressed in navy blue running shorts and a white T-shirt, he smiled, dimpling both cheeks. Sweat glistened on his brow and dampened his shirt. “I was on my way home from jogging in the park and thought since I wasn’t too far from you I would stop by and see how Mark is doing after last night.”
“He’s asleep right now. Would you like something to drink? Water? Coffee? Tea? I was having a cup of hot tea, but I can fix you some coffee if you like.”
Shaking his head, he swiped the back of his hand across his forehead. “Anything hot right now doesn’t sound too appealing, but I’ll take a tall glass of ice water.”
She stepped to the side. “Come in.”
He didn’t move. “I’ve been jogging.”
She laughed. “Believe me, my kitchen table has seen worse than a man who’s been jogging sitting at it.”
He opened the screen door and came into the house, his large frame filling the small entry hall. He took a deep breath. “Something smells good.”
“I’m baking bread.”
“Baking bread? People still do that?”
“I’d do it even if I didn’t like to eat it just for the smell.”
“My mom used to bake bread, but that was ages ago. I haven’t had freshly made bread since I was a young kid.”
“I have one loaf finished. I’ll cut you a piece if you want.”
“There’s no way I’ll turn down that offer.” His smile grew, deepening the two dimples in his cheeks. “This is my lucky morning.”
Jared trailed her into the kitchen and took a seat at the glass table. She brought him some ice water, then returned to the counter to cut several slices of bread.
“Do you like to cook?”
She glanced over her shoulder. “Yes. You could call it one of my passions.”
“One?” He arched a brow. “What other passions do you have?”
The question caused her to pause. Tilting her head, she thought about it, realizing so many of her passions had been tied up with John. They had loved to hike and camp as a family. They had taken pride in fixing up their old house room by room until it had been stamped with their personalities throughout. “You know, besides cooking, I suppose I like to read just about any type of book.”
“You don’t sound very convinced.”
“So many things that I used to do were connected with my husband and son. Since my husband’s death there’s been a void that’s been hard to fill.” Kathleen finished slicing the bread, then brought the plate to the table and sat. “You probably know what I mean. Didn’t your wife die recently?”
A slight tensing of the shoulders and clenching of the jaw were the only indication Jared was bothered by her question. He took a sip of his water and picked up a piece of warm bread. “Alice has been gone for a little over a year.”
“Then you know how hard it can be to start a new life.”
“Yes,” he clipped out, downing half his water in several gulps.
“I married John when I was twenty. I’ve never had a career and I don’t have to work now. But suddenly I’m finding my life isn’t fulfilling, the way it was when my family was whole. I still take care of Mark and the house, but everything has changed. It’s as though I’m at sea adrift with no place to go.”
“Have you thought about getting a job?”
Kathleen nodded. “But with the way Mark’s been behaving lately, I don’t think I should. Maybe if things are better when he starts school in two months, I’ll try to find something to do.”
“You can always volunteer. We could use someone to organize volunteers at our hospital. Or I could always use an extra person to help with the youth group at church.”
Kathleen sipped her lukewarm orange-spice tea. “I’ll think about that. I used to volunteer at Mark’s school in Shreveport, as well as at our church. I enjoyed doing both of those jobs. If I’d finished college, I probably would have gone into a career as a social worker or a teacher. I like working with people, helping them.”
“That’s one of the reasons I became a doctor. I suppose you could say fixing problems is a passion of mine.”
“Since I have a problem, I’m glad it is.”
Jared settled back in his chair, relaxing totally as his gaze shifted to the large bay window. “Your yard is beautiful.”
“I wish I could take credit, but the former owners must have loved yard work. They did a wonderful job landscaping. I like to drink my tea in the morning and look outside or sit on the deck if it’s not too hot. There’s something about a rock garden that’s soothing.”
“The Hendersons, who owned this house, often worked wonders with the church garden. That’ll be a void we’ll have to fill.”
Kathleen chuckled. “Don’t look at me. If I can’t find someone to do my yard, this may be the best you’ll see.”
“Actually I was thinking of taking over that job at the church. I love to work in the yard, get my hands dirty. One of my favorite things is to commune with nature.”
“I love to commune with nature, too, like a connoisseur who appreciates fine art but doesn’t actually paint.” Their gazes connected, forming a momentary bond between them. “But I haven’t done any communing with nature lately. John, Mark and I would go out—” Her voice trailed off into silence. That life was over. She had to move on—quit thinking about the past.
“Go where?” Jared asked, his gaze returning to the yard, breaking the bond.
She flattened her back against the chair, the wooden slats pressing into her. “Camping and hiking. Also on trips into the bayous.” A long time ago, she thought. She’d come home to start a new life.
“With snakes and alligators?”
“Yes.”
“I’m impressed. I could never get my wife to go anywhere outdoors with Hannah, Terry and me.”
“She didn’t like being outside?”
“No.”
Again a shutter fell over his features, clearly putting an end to the direction of the conversation. A finely honed tension sprung up between them. The atmosphere shifted, and she wished the past had remained in the past. Each was uncomfortable talking about their deceased spouses.
Silence prevailed while Jared popped the last bite of bread into his mouth, then finished his water.
“How long have you lived in Crystal Springs?” Kathleen asked, needing the conversation to head in a more neutral direction.
“Ten years. My wife wanted to live near her mother. What made you move back home?”
“My family.” My need to put down roots in a familiar place, she added silently. To control the direction my life is taking.
“Family is important.”
“I’m hoping being around mine will help Mark. It’s becoming more obvious each day that my son needs more than I can give him, especially after last night at the church.”
“You don’t have just your family to help you. I’m here, too. We’ll find an answer to what’s going on with Mark. How was he after he got home last night?”
“He didn’t say much on the drive home or later. He went to his room and played his CDs—loudly.”
“You said he’s still asleep. When did he go to sleep?”
“Not until after four this morning.”
A frown creased his forehead and slashed his mouth. “When did this sleeplessness begin?”
“Six, seven, maybe eight months ago. It happened gradually. He would stay up later and later. By the end of school this year it was severely affecting his grades. He has always been a good student up until this year. He made several Ds and the rest were Cs. Do you think he’s suffering from depression?”
“That’s a possibility. Hopefully I can spend some time with him, maybe convince him to come in for some tests. Did he say anything about coming to the youth group on Sunday night?”
“He didn’t say no, which is a good thing. At least he’s thinking about it.” The oven timer went off and Kathleen removed the last loaf of bread. The aroma filled the kitchen with warmth and cozy thoughts.
“Good. Getting him involved with people might help him.”
Sitting back down at the table, Kathleen sipped at her now-cold tea. “Maybe. In the past few years my life has certainly changed. If you’d asked me two years ago what I was going to be doing now, I wouldn’t have thought this.”
“Unexpected things happen in life.” He sighed, running his finger along the rim of the glass. “I don’t let it worry me too much. My life is in God’s hands.”
Kathleen curled her fingers tighter around her empty mug and carefully placed it on the table. She used to think that until she’d lost John. “Have you ever wondered why bad things happen to good people?”
“Like your husband dying?”
“Yes.” Her chest tightened, trapping her breath.
“God has a plan for us. We don’t always know what it is. If we put our trust in Him, He will show us.”
Kathleen stared down at her mug. “When John first died, I couldn’t bring myself to pray or go to church. I only started attending again recently.” She brought her gaze to Jared’s, his image blurry. “John was such a good man. I still don’t understand why he had to die so young. A freak accident took him away just like that.” She snapped her fingers.
“Maybe John fulfilled what God had planned for him. He’s now with our Lord in heaven. That’s not a bad thing.”
“It was for me.”
“But you’re only one of God’s children. He’s concerned for all of His children.”
Kathleen wasn’t sure if she could accept Jared’s words. His strong faith obviously helped him overcome a lot of difficult problems, such as the death of his wife, but their situations were not the same.
Jared started to say something when the ring of his cell phone cut him off. “Just a minute.” He retrieved the instrument from the pocket of his shorts and flipped it on. “Dr. Matthews here.”
As he listened to the other person on the phone, the lines in his forehead returned. A frown darkened his eyes and his grip tightened until his knuckles whitened. “I’ll come home immediately.”
When he disconnected, Kathleen asked, “Is something wrong at home?”
“Hannah. She’s locked herself in the bathroom and won’t come out.”
“Why?”
“I’m not sure, but from what the housekeeper said, I think my daughter has started her period.”
“Oh, I see.”
His gaze embraced hers. “You probably do see, even better than me. Hannah doesn’t respond to our housekeeper that much. She calls her the old battle-ax. I’m not sure my daughter will want to talk to me about this, and I know she won’t with Mrs. Davis.” He attempted a grin that failed. “That’s why she’s in the bathroom right now with the door locked. She refuses to talk to the housekeeper.”
“Do you think she would talk to me?”
“I don’t know. But I’m willing to try if you are.” This time his grin stayed in place. “I’m a desperate dad.”
“Well, in that case, let me come with you and give it a try. It can be a confusing time for a girl. Have you talked to her about her body changing? Did your wife?”
“No, Alice didn’t. I tried and Hannah wouldn’t listen. I gave her a book about it.”
“Did she read it?”
“I think so. But then, knowing Hannah, she may have flipped through it just to please me. She’s one girl who I don’t think is too pleased to go into womanhood. She’s still quite a tomboy. She can get dirtier than Terry when she’s playing.”
Kathleen rose. “It’s not an easy time.”
“For the dad or the daughter?”
“Both. You’re a doctor. You’re very knowledgeable about all the changes that Hannah will go through. This is just the beginning.”
Jared reached for his plate and glass and took them to the sink. “Why do you think I’m so desperate? I feel ill-equipped to handle this.”
“I know what you mean. There have been issues with my son that I felt so awkward talking to him about. But I believe young people should be kept informed, and I want to be the one informing, not some friend who may or may not have the facts right.”
Outside on the porch Jared descended the steps. “When I signed up to be a parent, I didn’t realize all that it entailed.”
“Parents rarely do the first time around.”
“How about the first time with each sex? Raising a boy is so different from raising a girl.”
“You won’t get an argument from me.”
“You see, I knew there was something about you I liked. No arguments.”
She laughed. “Don’t count on it. I love to argue when I feel I’m right.”
“Is that a warning?”
“You bet.” Kathleen lifted her face to the sun and relished the warmth on her skin. The June air was still cool, the breeze caressing. She inhaled then exhaled a deep breath, wishing the beauty of the day could wash away the turmoil churning in her stomach. “Before long summer will be in full swing, searing heat and all.” She peered toward the Ozark Mountains. “But for right now there’s still a touch of spring in this corner of Arkansas.”
“My favorite time of year.” Jared started down the sidewalk toward the corner.
“When everything is reborn,” she said, falling into step beside him.
Ten minutes later Jared turned up the walk to a two-story redbrick house with two massive oak trees in front. Kathleen paused to admire the landscape. The yard was mowed and neatly trimmed with well-tended orange and yellow marigolds by the porch.
She whistled. “What a beautiful yard. You and my dad have a lot in common. I think you’ll be a great candidate to take care of the gardens at church.”
“The housekeeper takes care of the inside. I take care of the outside. I enjoy getting out and puttering around in the yard. Makes me forget about my worries for a short period of time.”
“You see, that’s how I feel about the kitchen.”
“How does Mark feel about yard work?”
“He used to love it. He and John would spend hours working outside. Now he doesn’t want to do anything. I feel like a nag just getting him to mow our lawn.”
She followed Jared up the steps to a huge porch that ran the length of his house. A profusion of potted plants adorned it as well as a swing and natural wicker furniture with bright yellow cushions. “Do you spend a lot of time out here?”
“When I can, especially in the early morning and the evening right before the sun sets.”
“Nice times of the day.”
“It’s my quiet time.” Again his grin appeared, dimpling his cheeks. “At least the morning is my quiet time. The kids aren’t up yet. I can’t really say that about the evening. I’ve helped with many a homework assignments on that swing.”
The front door swung open and Terry hurried outside. “Dad, Hannah won’t let anyone in. Let’s call the fire department. They can rescue her.”
Jared put his hand on his son’s shoulder to stop his forward momentum. “I think they have better things to do with their time than that.”
“Then how are we gonna get her out?”
“She’s not stuck in there. She can come out anytime she wants.”
“Mrs. Davis has tried everything. She yelled at her. She tried to bribe her. Nothing’s worked.”
“Let’s go see what we can do.” Jared hugged his son to his side for a few seconds before entering the house.
Upstairs Mrs. Davis, who had brown hair streaked with gray and pulled back into a severe bun, stood in the middle of the hallway in front of what was obviously the main bathroom, tapping her foot against the brown-carpeted floor. Her irritated expression underscored her exasperated stance.
“I’ll take over, Mrs. Davis. Thanks for letting me know.”
The rotund, large woman huffed and rushed past Jared, Terry and Kathleen, mumbling about being behind in her work.
Jared approached the closed door and leaned against it. “Hannah, come out and let’s talk.”
“No! Go away. I hate being a girl.”
“I can’t do that, Hannah,” Jared said in a gentle voice. “Kathleen has come over to see you.”
Kathleen stepped closer until she, too, was leaning into the door. “I thought maybe you and I could talk woman-to-woman.”
Nothing came from Hannah for almost three minutes, then Kathleen heard the lock click and the door eased open.
“Come in.”
Kathleen went into the bathroom. Terry tried to follow. His sister blocked his way with her hands on her hips. She stuck out her lower lip, her eyes pinpoints, silently daring him to enter her domain.
“Terry, please go help Mrs. Davis now,” Jared said behind the boy.
Terry groaned but headed down the hall. Hannah immediately locked the door again. Kathleen sat on the lip of the bathtub while the twelve-year-old plopped down on the closed lid of the toilet. Her hands folded in front of her, the young girl stared at the cream-colored tile on the floor.
Kathleen waited a few minutes to see if Hannah would say anything. When she didn’t speak, Kathleen said, “I can still remember my first time. I was scared. I didn’t know what to feel. My mother is great, but she was always uncomfortable talking about things like that. I wasn’t sure what was happening to me.”
Hannah looked straight at her. “Dad gave me a book. It explained everything. That’s not the problem.”
When the young girl didn’t elaborate, Kathleen asked, “What is the problem? Maybe I can help.”
Hannah’s bottom lip quivered. “Can you stop it?”
“No, it’s a natural routine in a woman’s life.”
“But I don’t want it. I don’t feel well. I—”
Kathleen squatted in front of Hannah. “Do you have cramps?”
She shook her head. “I’m not myself. I don’t know how to describe it.”
Kathleen placed her hand over the young girl’s. “Out of sorts?”
“Yes.”
“That’s common. Our body’s hormones can affect our moods.”
Her eyes watery with unshed tears, Hannah bit her teeth into her bottom lip. “Why does this have to happen to me?”
Kathleen hid her smile, wondering how many women have thought that very same question. “It’s part of God’s plan. As you know from the book you read, having periods is tied to a woman being able to have children.”
“I don’t wanna change. I like everything the way it is,” Hannah said with a sniff.
“That, too, is part of life. Change will happen. I guarantee it.” Kathleen remembered her earlier comments about her life changing. She hadn’t wished hers to change, either.
“Can I still play sports when I’m—?” Hannah’s question faded into silence, her teeth digging into her lower lip even more.
“Of course. But as you become a young woman, you’ll need to see about getting things like a bra. Do you have one now?”
Hannah’s eyes grew round. “No! I don’t want one.”
“When you play sports, it’s better to wear one. I could go with you to get a sports bra if you want.”
“Sports bra?” Hannah thought that over for a moment. “Okay—I guess so. If I have to.”
“Can I help you with anything else? Do you know how to take care of yourself? Do you have everything you need?”
“Yes. Dad gave me a box of pads when he gave me the book to read.”
“Do you have any other concerns I can help you with?” Kathleen pushed to her feet, suddenly realizing she missed not having a daughter. John and she had wanted more children, but it wasn’t to be.
“When can we go shopping?”
Noticing the puffy redness around Hannah’s eyes, Kathleen took the washcloth from the towel rack and wet it. After handing it to the young girl, she said, “I’ll talk to your father and set a date if that’s okay with you.”
Hannah wiped her face, mumbling into the terry cloth, “You don’t think Dad will get mad if I go with you instead of him?”
Kathleen smiled at the young girl. “I think he’ll be all right with just the two of us going.”
“Thanks, Kathleen,” Hannah said as Kathleen left the bathroom.
Jared leaned against the wall across from her. When he saw her, he shoved away and started toward the bathroom, worry creasing his brow, his eyes dark. “Do I need to talk to Hannah?”
Kathleen stopped him with a hand on his arm. The second her skin touched his she knew her mistake. Her fingertips tingled as though an electrical current had passed between them. She immediately dropped her hand to her side. “She’s fine. Give her a few minutes to wash her face, compose herself.”
He stared at the closed door, the hard line of his jaw attesting to his continued concern. “Are you sure she—”
The door opened and Hannah emerged, her face scrubbed clean, all evidence of her tears gone. “Dad, I’m sorry.” Her gaze remained glued to the floor, her shoulders hunched. “I didn’t mean for you to come home.”
His tension siphoned from his expression, the taut muscles in his neck and shoulders relaxing as a grin appeared on his face. “I’m just glad you’re okay. You know you can talk to me about anything.”
A blush tinted Hannah’s cheeks. She shuffled from one foot to the other.
“Well, I guess just about anything. I know there’ll be some things that will be hard for you to talk to me about. But I want you to realize that I’ll love you no matter what.”
Hannah finally glanced up, tears misting her eyes. “I know, Daddy. I love you.” She threw herself into his arms and hugged him tightly.
When Jared stepped back, his arms stayed on Hannah’s shoulders, compelling her to continue looking at him. “There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for you.” He cleared his throat. “Now how about a glass of lemonade? We could drink it on the porch.”
“I’m supposed to meet Bobby and the gang at his house. I’d better go before they start asking questions. You and Kathleen have a glass of lemonade. She has something to ask you.” Hannah flew down the stairs, leaving her astonished father watching her.
“You’re wonderful with your daughter.”
Jared swung his attention to Kathleen. “What do you need to ask me?”
“I promised I would take Hannah shopping—for a bra.”
“Oh, I didn’t—I should have realized.”
“Most fathers don’t want even to acknowledge that their little girl is growing up. It doesn’t surprise me you didn’t think about it.”
He plowed his hand through his hair. “What else have I forgotten?”
“You’re doing fine. Being a single parent isn’t easy. I never realized how much I depended on John until he was gone.”
A frown descended on Jared’s face. He started for the stairs. “Do you want a glass of lemonade?”
The rigid set to his shoulders spoke more than words. There was a lot of pain bottled up in Jared. She wasn’t even sure he was aware of how much. Having gone through her own kind of pain, she wished she could wipe his away with the brush of her hand. Maybe being there as a friend would help not only Hannah but him, as well. She liked being needed as a woman to a man and missed that since John’s death.
“That sounds refreshing after our near jog here.”
“I’m sorry about that. I’ve always walked fast and with the problem concerning Hannah—” He shrugged, not finishing his sentence.
“I understand. I’m just glad I could help.”
“Make yourself comfortable on the porch. I’ll get the lemonades and bring them out.”
Kathleen made her way to the porch and sat in the wooden swing. She couldn’t forget the swift change in Jared’s demeanor. The dark shadows in his eyes revealed his struggle to maintain his composure, to push memories away. How much was he keeping inside? Men often didn’t talk about their emotions. They locked them away, denying they existed. Her yearning to feel needed, to help, grew.
The bang of the screen door alerted her to his approach. She glanced up and saw that he had himself under control, a neutral expression on his face. He handed her one glass and folded himself into a wicker chair opposite the swing. For just a second regret whipped through her—she told herself it was only because it was harder to carry on a conversation with him several yards away instead of next to her on the swing.
He took a sip of his drink. “Did Mark say anything more about why he smashed his guitar?”
She stiffened, reminded of her own set of problems. “No, he just insisted that he didn’t want to play it anymore.” Kathleen drank some of her lemonade to quench the ache in her throat.
“In my practice I’ve seen some teenagers have a rougher time growing up than others. Keep watching him closely. Be there for him when he needs you.”
“That’s just it. He doesn’t need me. He spends most of his time alone in his room when he’s at home.”
“Maybe he was more upset about the move than you thought.”
“When we got home last night, I talked to him again about it and he told me he didn’t care.” Guilt at the inability to help her son cloaked her in a heavy blanket, pressing her down.
“Did you believe him?”
“Yes. The last couple of months in Shreveport he wasn’t hanging around his friends like he used to. I tried talking to him about it but didn’t get anywhere. Do you think I was just hoping he didn’t care because I wanted to move?” She needed someone to tell her she had made the right decision in coming home.
Jared put his half-empty glass on the wicker table next to him. “Why did you want to move back to Crystal Springs?”
“I needed a change. My memories of Crystal Springs have always been fond ones.”
“But not Shreveport?”
She downed the rest of her lemonade as though she hadn’t drunk anything in days. “In Shreveport I found myself unable to move on in my life. I tried for a year and a half and finally acknowledged it wasn’t going to happen if I stayed.” Everywhere I turned I was reminded of how little control I have over my life, she silently added. I need control back.
“When you move, the memories go with you.”
“You can’t hide from yourself?”
“Exactly.” He leaned forward resting his elbows on his knees and clasping his hands, nothing casual about him. “Don’t give up on God. He hasn’t abandoned you.”
“I’ve lost my husband and now I feel like I’m losing my son.”
“If I can do anything about it, I won’t let you lose your son.”
The vehemence in his voice underscored his intentions, making Kathleen feel that she wasn’t alone. If she wasn’t careful, she could come to depend on Jared Matthews a great deal and she couldn’t let that happen. John’s death had rocked her world. She wouldn’t go through that kind of pain ever again.
Chapter Three
Returning to the church’s recreational hall Sunday evening, Kathleen cracked the door open and peered inside. Twenty teenagers sat listening to Jared describe their latest fundraiser. Mark had reluctantly agreed to coming this evening and was next to his cousin, Shane, his gaze on the floor. She wasn’t even sure if her son was hearing a word Jared was saying. Mark’s features were devoid of any expression. Seeing her son like that sent a chill down her spine.
Kathleen slipped inside the room while Jared wrapped up what everyone needed to do before the next week’s meeting. He caught her eye and smiled.
“Before we adjourn to the volleyball court, let’s pray,” Jared said, bowing his head. “Dear Heavenly Father, be with each and every one of these young people as they go through life. Help them to make the right choices and be there for them when they don’t. Amen.” Jared looked over the sea of teenagers. “The first game starts in ten minutes.”
The recreational hall emptied, all except for Mark, Kathleen and Jared. Mark slouched in his chair, continuing to stare at the tiled floor.
“Are you going to join us, Mark?” Jared asked, weaving his way through the rows of chairs toward Kathleen.
Mark shot Kathleen a look that spoke of boredom and disinterest. “Yeah, I guess.”
He pushed his lanky body, clad in black jeans and a black T-shirt, to his feet and trudged toward the door that led to outside.
When he disappeared from view, Kathleen released her pent-up breath in a rush. “I gather he wasn’t an involved member of the group.”
“No, but I did catch him listening a few times.”
“I hope he’ll get involved more. Otherwise this summer will be an extremely long one for him. I think all he’d do is sit in his room all day if I didn’t make him do chores around the house or help his grandparents some.”
“Besides listening to his music, what else does he do in his room?”
“He likes to draw. He’s been drawing a lot in a sketch book I got for him.”
“Have you looked at the sketches?”
“No, he won’t show them to me, and I haven’t wanted to invade his privacy.”
“Sometimes parents have to do things they don’t want to in order to protect their children.”
“You think I should check the drawings out without him knowing?”
“They may tell you what’s going on in his head. Try to get him to show you.” Jared swept his arm across his body. “Now, come on out and join the festivities. Have you ever played volleyball?”
“Back in my younger days,” Kathleen replied, her mind dwelling on what Jared had said about Mark’s drawings. She had always respected her son’s privacy before, but— The thought of what she must do made her shiver.
“It’s time to renew your skills,” Jared’s words cut into her musing. “Everyone plays. We rotate teams.”
Stepping outside, Kathleen surveyed the newly mowed yard at the side of the church, the scent of cut grass peppering the air. A volleyball court with a net was set up near the picnic tables located under four large maple trees. “Which unlucky team gets me?”
“Now where’s your positive thinking?”
“When I heard you mention volleyball, I think I left it back in the recreational hall. I’m not very athletic.”
“That’s fine.” He smiled, his blue eyes glittering. “I’ll just make sure I’m on the opposing team.”
Kathleen sat on a bench next to Jared and watched the first two teams play a game, her son, who used to be a good athlete, doing as little as possible. Again she wondered if she’d been wrong to come back to Crystal Springs. Maybe Mark needed familiar surroundings at this stage in his life. This town wasn’t an unknown to her son, but it wasn’t the place where he’d grown up. Self-doubts plagued her. She didn’t know what to do anymore. In the past she’d always had John to talk things over with and to support any decision she’d made.
“This is for fun,” Jared whispered, his arm brushing against hers.
The brief touch drew her attention. Tiny sparks of awareness feathered outward. “I know.”
“I wasn’t sure. Your look of intense concentration tells me otherwise.”
She relaxed the knotted tension that held her stiff and uncurled her fingers. Her nails had left an indentation in her palms. She hadn’t even realized how tense she’d been until Jared had said something. “I’m not the most graceful person when it comes to playing a sport. I was always the last one picked for a team. My reputation preceded me.”
“We don’t pick teams. You’ll be filling in for Anne, who is sick. Your team is up next.”
Kathleen examined the clear blue sky. “Too bad. There isn’t a raincloud anywhere to be seen.”
“Nope. You’re stuck.” He took her hand within his. “I know you’re worried about Mark. I’ll help you figure out what’s wrong. I promise.”
His sweet words, full of confidence, produced a lump in her throat. Jared would discover what was going on with her son. That thought brought tears of relief to her eyes. She blinked, a tear coursing down her face. Jared didn’t say anything, but he brushed his thumb across her cheek, the rough texture of his finger in sharp contrast to his soft touch. He then squeezed her hand gently, silently conveying his support as they both twisted about to stare at the teenagers battling on the volleyball court.
Five minutes later the game ended with Mark’s team winning. Her son gave his cousin a high five, but the elation she usually saw in Mark’s expression when he won wasn’t visible.
Jared stood and extended his hand to Kathleen. “It’s show time. Ready?”
“No, will that make a difference?”
“No.”
“That’s what I thought. I’ll be a sub.”
Laughter shone in his eyes. “There are no subs. Everyone gets to play. That’s the beauty of this setup.”
“That’s your opinion, not mine. I definitely think that’s a major flaw. What if someone gets hurt?”
“We remove a player from the other side and play on.”
“Do you remove the injured player before you resume playing or do you just play around him?”
His laughter spiced the air, much like the aroma of baking bread, warm with cozy thoughts brought to mind. “You’ll be all right. Remember, I’m a doctor.”
“Now that’s really reassuring.”
“You might want to stretch some before the game.” Jared bent over and touched the ground, then did several lunges.
Having been a runner in high school, Kathleen knew the importance of stretching her muscles before a workout. And she was afraid the next half hour or so would definitely be a workout. She ran through a stretching routine, hoping she didn’t make a fool of herself.
She was thankful that she was placed on the back row as far away from the net and spiked balls as possible. On television she’d seen the killer volleyball matches at the Summer Olympic Games. She didn’t want a ball stuffed down her throat.
For the first two serves she only had to shift from foot to foot and pretend she was alert and ready. When the ball slammed across the net for the third time, it came right at her. She had to do something—fast. Miscalculating where it was going to land, she dove the last foot to punch the ball into the air. It shot out of bounds. The other team cheered, Jared the loudest.
By the time she rotated to the front of the line, she faced Jared with only the netting between them. His smile was full of mischief, and she had a funny feeling it would be all directed at her. He leaped into the air and smacked the ball toward her. She positioned herself to return it.
Before she had a chance to connect with the fast-approaching ball, someone knocked into her, yelling in her ear, “I’ve got it.”
She smashed into the ground, her left shoulder cushioning her fall. She blew out gritty sand that made up the court and pushed her hair out of her face. Her left cheek burned where it had struck the sand-covered earth.
A loud roar of triumph filled the air while she brushed bits of grit from her eyes. Through the blur she saw Jared coming toward her, concern on his face. He knelt down.
“Are you all right, Kathleen? Are you hurt anywhere?”
“Does all over count as one place or many?”
He ran his hands up her left arm and over her shoulder. She winced.
“It doesn’t feel like it’s broken, but to be on the safe side I think you should let me take you to the hospital and get an X ray.”
“I don’t want to go to the hospital.” Suddenly Kathleen felt many eyes on her. She scanned the young people standing around her and Jared. “What happened?”
“I’m sorry, Mrs. Somers. I thought you weren’t gonna get the ball so I wanted to help. I misjudged.”
“But I was right there.” Using her arms to try and push herself to her feet, she attempted to stand. The pain in her shoulder intensified, and she fell back, sucking in a deep breath.
The young boy dropped his head. “Yeah, but you were there that last time, too, and missed.”
“That’s okay, Aaron.”
“Can I help you to your feet, ma’am?”
“No,” she said so quickly the teenager blinked. “I mean, Jared is going to take me to the hospital. I’m sure I’m fine. It’s just a precaution.” Through the crowd now surrounding her, she saw her son, hanging back but watching her. “You could give Mark a ride home, Aaron.”
“Sure, I can do that. Are you sure I can’t help you?”
“Yes, I’m sure.” The pain in her shoulder eased its intensity. With her right arm she maneuvered herself to her knees.
Jared supported her around the waist. “Take it easy.”
As the teenagers began to scatter, she said, “Oh, I plan on taking it slow and easy.”
“I had no idea you’d go to such lengths to get out of playing volleyball.”
The teasing light in Jared’s eyes made her laugh. “I told you I don’t do sports.” She observed the quickly disappearing crowd of teens. “As soon as Aaron’s been gone five minutes, I’m driving home. I have no intentions of going to the hospital. I’m fine.” She tried to move her shoulder and groaned.
“I can see that.”
Jared moved so close she wondered if he could hear her heart pounding. “Some rest, ice, and I’ll be good as new.”
“Appease this doctor and let me take you to check your shoulder out.”
“But what about my car?”
“You can get it tomorrow. I’ll even come by and give you a ride to the church to get it. I won’t sleep well tonight knowing you may be in pain because I persuaded you to play volleyball.”
His touch on her arm drew her gaze upward to his face. The plea in his eyes and the ache in her shoulder finally caused her to nod.
“See, I told you there wasn’t anything to worry about. I’ll be as good as new in a few days.” Kathleen rolled her shoulder to prove her point. A stab of pain shot down her arm, and she winced. “Okay, maybe it will be a little longer than that.”
Jared pulled into her driveway and switched off the engine. “Still, I’m glad you got it X rayed. I feel better knowing for sure and the medication should help you.”
“Do you want to come in for a cup of coffee? Decaf or I’d be up all night.”
“Sure. Mrs. Davis doesn’t turn into a pumpkin until at least nine o’clock.”
Kathleen slid from the car, trying to hold her upper body still as she moved. “How hard was it to find Mrs. Davis?”
“Hard. A good housekeeper is not easy to come by. She isn’t too bad. My children are safe with her, and she performs her job efficiently.”
“But?”
“But she isn’t the warmest person around. And right now Hannah needs a womanly touch, which she isn’t going to get with Mrs. Davis.”
Kathleen inserted her key into the lock and opened her door. “What about your mother-in-law?”
His expression tensed into a frown. “Not much help there. She doesn’t have much to do with Terry and Hannah. We see her for special occasions like birthdays and the holidays.”
“I’m sorry to hear that.” She placed her purse on the table in the entry hall. “Come on into the kitchen while I put the coffee on.” As she scooped the coffee into the filter, she continued, “I can help, especially with Hannah.”
He offered her a smile that eased the tension from him. “Thanks. I may take you up on that.”
“Don’t forget I promised Hannah I would take her shopping. I was thinking some time this week.”
“Fine. Whatever fits into your schedule. Hannah has talked about it, and I think she’s actually excited, which is a first since I usually have to drag her kicking and screaming to shop for clothes.”
“That’ll change as she grows older.”
“There’s a part of me that will be thrilled to see my daughter grow out of being a tomboy.”
“But there’s a part that won’t be happy?”
“Sure. The part that is dreading her first date.”
“You aren’t the only father who feels that way. It’s a constant battle to be one step ahead of our kids.” The coffee dripping into the glass pot was the only sound Kathleen heard. She cocked her head and listened for a moment. No music coming from her son’s room. In fact, the house was awfully silent. “Which reminds me, I want to make sure Mark got home okay. I’ll be right back.”
“Aaron’s not a bad driver, better than he is a volleyball player.”
“I’m sure he is. But I usually hear Mark moving around. His room is right above the kitchen. It’s too quiet for my peace of mind.”
Kathleen headed upstairs, her heart beginning to beat a shade faster. Something wasn’t right. She knocked on Mark’s door and waited a minute. Nothing. Pushing it open, she saw chaos all about her. Clothes were thrown everywhere. Drawers were left open. The bed was stripped of its linens and they lay on the floor beside it as though her son now slept on the carpet. She moved into the middle of the room, shaking her head. A year ago her son wouldn’t have had any of his belongings out of place. Like everything else in his life, that had changed, too.
Kathleen started to leave but caught a glimpse of his drawing pad, hidden under a pile of dirty clothes. Chewing on her bottom lip, she reached for the paper, hesitated, then snatched it up. Quickly before she changed her mind, she flipped through the pictures, afraid to look at what her son was drawing, and yet compelled to check this aspect of his life out. Maybe there were answers in his drawings that would help her.
The first drawing was of their old house. Another was of his guitar. Picture after picture seemed perfectly normal with nothing unusual portrayed. Relief shimmered through her, and she returned the pad to its hiding place.
When Kathleen left the bedroom, any relief she felt evaporated as she made her way down the stairs. Where was Mark? It was only eight o’clock and he was sixteen, but still she couldn’t help the worry that swelled inside her, especially after his erratic behavior two nights ago.
She hurried into the kitchen and went straight to the phone, punching in her sister’s number. “Is Mark over there?” She couldn’t keep the urgency from her voice.
“No. Shane came home a few minutes ago and went to his room. Do you want me to ask him if he knows where Mark is?”
Kathleen’s grip on the receiver tightened until pain radiated down her arm. “Please.” When she heard Laura put the phone down, Kathleen glanced toward Jared.
“What’s wrong?”
“Mark wasn’t in his room. No note on the table in the entry hall telling me where he is. He knows he’s supposed to let me know where he’s going if I’m not here when he leaves.” Panic nibbled at the edges of her composure as all kinds of thoughts—none good—swirled in her mind. Again, as so many times of late, she felt her life spinning out of control. Her life felt much like the chaos in her son’s room.
“Kathleen, Shane doesn’t know where he is. Aaron dropped him off at your house forty minutes ago. Do you want me to come over and help you look for him?”
“No, I’m sure he’s fine,” Kathleen answered, wishing her declaration was true. But with Mark she wasn’t sure anymore. She could still vividly remember the time in Shreveport when he had run away instead of going to the doctor. “Thanks, Laura.” The clamoring of her heart thundered in her ears as she replaced the receiver in its cradle. Her hands shook, and she clasped them together to keep them from trembling.
“Maybe he’s here somewhere or outside.”
“I shouldn’t have gone to the hospital. I should have come home, then this wouldn’t be happening.”
Jared stepped in front of Kathleen and commanded her full attention by grasping her upper arms, his nearness forcing her to look into his eyes. “Let’s check the whole house first, then outside.”
The sound of the front door slamming shut startled Kathleen. She jerked away from Jared and headed toward the entry hall. Mark was halfway up the stairs.
“Where have you been?” She grimaced at the harsh tone in her voice. She needed to remain calm. Nothing good came from confronting her son. It only made the situation worse lately.
He slowly peered over his shoulder. A long moment passed with nothing said, then he shrugged and mumbled, “Out. Walking.”
Kathleen forced herself to take a deep, calming breath, but still her stomach muscles remained clenched in a tight knot. “You’re supposed to write me a note telling me where you’re going.”
He lifted his shoulders in another shrug. “Forgot.” He resumed his progress up the stairs.
Kathleen counted to ten, then twenty, but nothing soothed her shredded nerves. She couldn’t shake the feeling something was terribly wrong. Watching her son disappear down the hall, she sensed Jared standing behind her. She whirled. “I’m beginning to wonder if he can put a sentence of more than a word or two together anymore.” She tried to smile, but it wavered about the corners of her mouth and vanished almost immediately.
“I’ve thought that many times while having a conversation with my children. I know they can because I’ve heard them with their friends. But sometimes talking to them is like pulling teeth.”
“At least he’s home and I don’t have to go out searching for him. I used not to have to worry like this, but lately, especially since the talent show, I don’t know what to think when it comes to Mark.”
Jared took a deep breath. “I think the coffee is ready. Why don’t we sit and talk over a cup?”
The aroma of coffee teased her senses. The idea of sharing a quiet, adult conversation with Jared roused her interest. “That sounds great. I can bring our coffee into the living room if you want.”
“Let’s drink it in the kitchen. I always think of that room as the heart of a house.”
With one last glance toward the top of the stairs, Kathleen led the way. “I like that. I probably spend more time in here than any room if I don’t count the hours I sleep.”
“When I was growing up, that was an important part of the house. Now I hardly set foot in my kitchen. Mrs. Davis prefers us staying out when she is creating her meals. At least she’s a good cook. I wish Hannah could learn to cook.”
“I could show her some dishes if she wants to learn.”
Jared grinned, deep lines fanning out from the corners of his eyes, indicating the man was used to smiling a lot. “I don’t think she has thought much about it. I just think it’s something she should know.”
“But not Terry?”
“Actually I think he should learn, too, but I don’t see Mrs. Davis being their teacher.”
But Jared saw Kathleen teaching them. He should back off from her right now, but he couldn’t. Hannah needed someone like Kathleen in her life—even if it was only as a friend. He couldn’t deny his child that. He would just have to be extra careful to protect his own heart.
“When I take Hannah shopping, I’ll see if she would like to have some lessons.”
“Maybe I could meet you two for lunch.”
“Hannah would love that. I thought Thursday would be a good day to go.” Kathleen removed two mugs from the cabinet and poured coffee into each.
“Are you two going to the mall?”
Kathleen nodded, handing Jared his mug.
“Then I’ll meet you at the south entrance at noon and we can go to lunch.” Taking a seat at the glass table, Jared settled back and scanned the room. “I like this. Warm. Inviting.”
“It was the first room I put together. I like to cook and it was so hard digging around in boxes trying to find what I needed.” Kathleen did her own survey of the kitchen, relaxing the tension that had gripped her ever since she had discovered Mark gone. The forest greens and deep reds of the plaid wallpaper added a richness to the walnut-finished cabinets. The light brown tiles that covered the floor lent a cool refreshing feel to the room. “I think this was what sold me on the house. It’s large and open with plenty of windows to let in the sunshine.”
Jared sipped his coffee, his gaze locking with hers over the mug’s rim. “I can’t believe you got your house in order in two weeks. I can still remember when we moved to Crystal Springs. It took us months to feel at home in our house.”
“I can be a very determined lady when I set my mind to a job. I need order in my surroundings. I’m much happier that way and learned long ago it was easier on me to keep things in their place.”
Her words brought back a memory that lambasted Jared. He put down his mug with more force than he intended, its sound against the glass piercing the quiet.
“What’s wrong?”
Jared closed his eyes for a few seconds, the memory still ingrained in his mind. When he looked at Kathleen, he saw the worry etched into her features. “I just thought of something that happened once, that’s all.”
Kathleen didn’t say anything, and her silence prodded him to fill the void. For some reason it felt right to talk to her even though he hadn’t discussed Alice’s problem in a long time, hadn’t wanted to re-hash something he’d rather forget.
“My wife hated housework, so one weekend I decided to help her. We had only been married a few years. That weekend I discovered one liquor bottle stashed behind the cleaning supplies under the sink and another one on the top shelf of the linen closet.” He paused, still sharply remembering the cold feel of the bottle in his hands as he had shown it to her. “I hadn’t realize Alice even drank. She knew how I felt about it.”
“So she kept it hidden from you?”
“Not after I confronted her with the two bottles. From then on she was open about her drinking.” Memories of watching his wife empty a bottle into a large glass then down it shuddered through him.
“That had to be hard.”
“Yes.” Jared took another sip of his coffee, cupping the mug to mask the quivering in his hands. “I’ve seen what alcohol can do to a person, medically speaking. In some ways I wished I had remained ignorant of her problem.”
“Ignorance is bliss?”
He placed his mug on the mat, this time being careful and said in a tightly controlled voice, “She wouldn’t let me help her. There were times my frustration level was unbearable. It’s hard watching someone self-destruct.”
Kathleen slid her hand across the cool glass and covered his. “How did you handle the stress?”
“I worked harder and longer at building my practice. By that time we had moved to Crystal Springs. And when I wasn’t working, I threw myself into the activities at the church we attended. If I hadn’t, I don’t know how I would have made it, especially when Alice became pregnant with Terry unexpectedly. I didn’t want any more children. I had seen the effects of alcohol on unborn babies.”
Kathleen squeezed his hand, her heart swelling. “Terry seems fine.”
“He is.” Jared blew out a long breath. “Thankfully Alice agreed to go into rehab while she was pregnant. Everything seemed fine for a while, but a few months after Terry was born, she started drinking again and was killed in a drunk driving accident.”
Tears stung Kathleen’s eyes, a lump lodged in her throat. “I’m sorry.”
Jared blinked, slipping his hand from hers. He straightened, a flush to his face. “I didn’t mean to tell you that. It’s not something I like to relive.”
“Maybe you should. It’s important to work through our feelings in order to get beyond them.”
“That life is behind me.”
The look of doubt in his eyes belied the force of his words. “Is it?”
He held her gaze for a few seconds, then glanced away. “Yes. Living through it once was enough.” He rose in one fluid motion. “I’d better be going. Tomorrow will be a long day.”
Kathleen walked Jared to the door and watched him descend the steps out front. The droop to his shoulders attested to his weariness. The tight grin he gave her as he waved good-bye emphasized he wasn’t over what he had gone through with his wife. He might think it was behind him, but Kathleen knew it wasn’t.
Chapter Four
“Can I see what you have in that package?” Jared asked as Hannah and Kathleen approached him in the mall.
His daughter’s eyes grew round. She quickly hid the bag behind her back. “No.”
Jared took in her rosy cheeks and knew he had stepped into territory best left to the women. “Did you spend all my money?” That wasn’t a safe question for a man to ask, either, he realized after he’d said it.
“Not yet,” Kathleen said with a laugh. “But if you like what Hannah wants to buy, yes.”
“You want my opinion?”
“Since you’re paying, Kathleen thought so.”
“Let’s eat first, then I’ll take a look at it. Where do you want to have lunch?”
“The Greasy Spoon,” Hannah said, her face lit with a huge grin.
“What’s that?” asked Kathleen. “I thought I knew most of the restaurants in Crystal Springs. Of course, I’m not sure any place called the Greasy Spoon should be considered a restaurant.”
“It’s fairly new,” Jared answered, starting to walk. “It’s at the other end of the mall. Not bad, if you like fried food. Hence the name Greasy.”
Kathleen fell into step next to Jared with Hannah on her other side. As they made their way to the restaurant, Hannah veered off to the left, pulling her father over to the display window of the toy store.
She tapped the glass near an electronic game station, saying, “I want that for my birthday.”
“That’s not for another six months.”
“Oh, yeah.” Hannah’s shoulders sagged. “You know it might be something you could get both Terry and I for the summer when it’s too hot to play outside.”
Jared pressed his lips together, his eyes dancing with merriment. “You’ve never had trouble finding something to do during the summer before. Why should this summer be any different?”
Hannah opened her mouth to say something, but instead snapped it closed, her expression screwing up into a thoughtful look.
“You could always save your allowance and buy it for yourself.”
The girl brightened for a moment, but the eagerness evaporated when she saw the price. “That’ll take at least six months.”
Jared placed his hand on Hannah’s shoulder and began walking toward the other end of the mall. “Think how much it will mean to you when you finally get it. You could always earn some money. I weeded gardens for my neighbors at your age, which is where I learned to love yard work. I would dust for the Lunds. I walked Mrs. Wilson’s dog for her because she couldn’t. Now that, I loved doing.”
“I could do that. I know Mr. Batchlear can’t take his dog to the park like he used to. Maybe he would pay me to. And I bet I could get someone to let me weed their garden.”
“Actually you could do mine if you want,” Kathleen interjected.
“I can! Great. My first job!” Hannah jumped up and down, her blue eyes sparkling, her ponytail swinging from side to side in her excitement.
At the Greasy Spoon Hannah ran ahead to get a booth in the corner. Jared made his way at a much more subdued pace.
“I’m sorry, Jared. I should have asked you about that first.”
Jared shook his head. “No, I think it’s a great idea. It’ll give her a goal to work toward. I appreciate the offer.”
The grin he sent Kathleen made her heart flip over. She swallowed hard and returned his smile. “And I’ll have someone to weed the beds out front. Usually Mark does it, but he hasn’t shown any interest this summer, and I hate yard work, so this is a win/win solution.”
“Since your problem is solved,” Jared slid into the booth across from Hannah, “maybe you could help me out with a problem.”
“What?” Kathleen sat next to Hannah.
“I need another chaperone for the hiking trip this Saturday with the youth group. Phil has to work and can’t make it. Are you game?”
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