A Father This Christmas?
Louisa Heaton
Her three-year-old baby secret…Dr Eva Corday never expected to see Jacob Dolan ever again – especially not working as the new doctor in her A&E department! Four years ago they shared a scorching, unforgettable night together, but the next morning Jacob disappeared, taking her heart with him…Now he’s back, Jacob’s more irresistible than ever – and it’s clear the same chemistry sizzles between them. Yet this Christmas Eva has to protect more than her own heart and must reveal the secret she’s kept hidden for so long – their adorable three-year-old son, Seb!
Eva swivelled in her seat and her eyes fell upon the one man she’d thought she’d never, ever see again.
Jacob Dolan. The doctor who’d slept with her four years ago and then run off to Africa. The doctor who’d got her pregnant and then disappeared without leaving a trace!
Why did he have to look so good?
This was her dream come true and her worst nightmare all rolled into one! Whilst once she had dreamed about what life might have been like for the pair of them if Jacob hadn’t disappeared, she was now faced with the fact that he was back. And he would eventually need to be told about Seb.
‘Eva?’
Chills trembled down her spine and she felt every single goosebump that prickled her skin.
‘Jacob! Nice to see you again. It’s been a long time.’
She held out her hand for him to shake, as one colleague would to another. He raised a quizzical eyebrow and shook it, smiling that kilowatt smile.
Oh, help …
Eva kept the smile plastered on her face, not knowing what else to do. She had momentous, life-changing news for this man. But how could she tell him?
Dear Reader (#ulink_a68bcef0-364f-55cb-8ad7-248626bbb66b),
I love Christmas. I love the countdown to the big day, the wishing and hoping for snow, the excitement of my children as they try to guess what they’re getting … shaking and weighing up the presents under the tree. I love the food, the putting up of the decorations, and laughing at my husband as he tries—and struggles—to put up the Christmas lights each year.
As a child, I thought Christmas was special—but it meant even more when I watched my own children experience the season. For Eva and Jacob, Christmas means different things. For Eva it’s a time that makes her feel even more separate from the family she was once with, and for Jacob it’s a tragic reminder of a cruel event.
In this story we accompany them on their journey to find their own magic at Christmas—their own happy ending that they never believed could be possible. I hope you enjoy it.
Love and best wishes,
Louisa x
LOUISA HEATON first started writing romance at school, and would take her stories in to show her friends, scrawled in a big red binder, with plenty of crossing out. She dreamt of romance herself, and after knowing her husband-to-be for only three weeks shocked her parents by accepting his marriage proposal. After four children—including a set of twins—and fifteen years of trying to get published, she finally received ‘The Call’! Now she lives on Hayling Island, and when she’s not busy as a First Responder creates her stories wandering along the wonderful Hampshire coastline with her two dogs, muttering to herself and scaring the locals.
Visit Louisa on twitter @louisaheaton (http://www.twitter.com/louisaheaton), on Facebook Louisaheatonauthor (http://www.facebook.com/Louisaheatonauthor) or on her website: louisaheaton.com (http://louisaheaton.com).
A Father
This Christmas?
Louisa Heaton
www.millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk)
To Mum and Dad, who bought me a beautiful manual typewriter one Christmas and released the story-writing bunny.
Lots of love, your loving daughter. xx
Praise for Louisa Heaton (#ulink_5bdbffa9-b2b6-55f8-ad93-9e4678ad791b)
‘The Baby That Changed Her Life moved me to tears many times. It is a full-on emotional drama. Louisa Heaton brought this tale shimmering with emotions.’
—GoodReads
‘You know that feeling you get after you read an incredibly awesome book … the feeling where you don’t know what to read next, because the book you just read was so awesome …? That’s exactly how I feel.’
—GoodReads on The Baby That Changed Her Life
Contents
Cover (#u918769dc-0908-5556-a0a6-886a18567c51)
Introduction (#u860780fe-3a2c-56ee-a2ca-b324868eb9e7)
Dear Reader (#u65c076d4-932a-5a10-a486-1e89365d6151)
About the Author (#ue81a3fe5-9b9b-5ab0-8828-5bfd5b105af8)
Title Page (#u64a58036-6b6c-5932-8ec3-e129a85b759b)
Dedication (#uf49fc7ae-f058-570f-b6a0-d52b0a565804)
Praise for Louisa Heaton (#u4583075f-d407-5378-af4e-f684c4de6134)
CHAPTER ONE (#u28a9f303-40a7-58b0-915a-aeb6323c2256)
CHAPTER TWO (#u93d70fd5-71b4-5cac-803b-eb74bf255ccd)
CHAPTER THREE (#u458072ab-6013-5271-b342-2c6788a6eb12)
CHAPTER FOUR (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER FIVE (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER SIX (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER SEVEN (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER EIGHT (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER NINE (#litres_trial_promo)
EPILOGUE (#litres_trial_promo)
Copyright (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER ONE (#ulink_087c2578-38ed-5a05-8d62-0ae77199b3f3)
‘QUICK, EVA, TAKE my pulse!’
Eva turned to her friend. What was wrong?
‘What? Are you ill?’
She placed her fingers on Sarah’s pulse point on her wrist and looked with concern at her friend as she counted beats. But Sarah wasn’t looking at her—she was focussed on something or someone behind Eva, across the minors department, towards the entrance. She was seemingly fascinated, with a sparkle in her eyes and a slow smile creeping across her face as she looked someone up and down.
‘Sex on a stick at one o’clock.’
‘What?’
Why was she being ridiculous? Eva swivelled in her seat to see who was making Sarah act like that and her eyes fell upon the one man she’d thought she’d never, ever see again.
Jacob.
Dressed all in black, in what had to be tailored clothes, considering how well they fit, with his tousled dark hair and a five-o’clock shadow, a red-tubed stethoscope draped casually around his neck, he looked stunning.
Well dressed, powerful.
Virile.
More so than four years ago, if that were possible. Time had been overly generous to Jacob, bestowing upon him masculine maturity in a well-defined body that simply oozed sex appeal.
She’d begun to believe that she’d imagined this perfect man. That her one hot night with him that Christmas Eve four years ago had been a figment of her imagination. Despite the obvious, startling reminder that it hadn’t been imaginary.
Their son.
Eva wanted the earth to swallow her up. Because then she wouldn’t have to face him. Wouldn’t have to explain to him that he was a father.
She could hardly believe that she had slept with a man she had only known for such a short time. Just because of something she’d felt when she’d looked at him. Taking him at face value—because, really, what else had she had to go on? He’d been in her arms, and they’d danced together in a slow, sultry melting of bodies... The way his hips had swayed, his groin had pressed against hers, the feel of him...
But now she was different. Stronger. She was no longer the young woman who had given her heart to a man who had only been a fantasy for just one night—a man she’d dreamed of after the fact.
Now she was more mature. A strong woman. A confident doctor. And there was no way she was going to let Jacob know how she was really feeling.
Terrified.
Still attracted...
I’m not! Just because it feels as if my heart is trying to leap from my chest...
She let go of Sarah’s wrist and deliberately turned her back on him.
There was so much he needed to know! So much she needed to tell him. She’d searched for him. Tried to let him know about Seb. But it had been impossible! Would he understand?
Her mouth felt dry, as if it was full of sawdust, and she knew if she were to talk to him her tongue would just stumble over the words. She groaned as her stomach flipped and swirled like snowflakes in a snow globe.
‘It’s probably that new doctor Clarkson mentioned earlier.’ She tried to sound as casual as she could. When Dr Clarkson, clinical lead of their A&E department, had mentioned they were getting a new doctor she’d initially been thrilled. Who didn’t need an extra pair of hands in A&E after all? Even if it was just temporary cover for Christmas.
But he hadn’t told her who was coming. Who the new doctor actually was.
Jacob Dolan.
The doctor who’d slept with her and then run off to Africa. The doctor who’d got her pregnant and then disappeared without leaving a trace!
Why did he have to look so good?
Sarah leaned forward to whisper to her, ‘Oh, my goodness, I’d really love to find him in my Christmas stocking...’ She licked her lips. ‘How on earth are we going to get any work done with him hanging around? I’m going to be spending all my time wiping drool off my chin and hoping the cleaners have enough wet-floor signs to dot around me.’
Eva grimaced a smile, but went back to her paperwork. All she had to do was write these notes. Write these notes and then maybe get the earth to open up and swallow her or something. Once he realised she was here—once he realised that she was the woman who had slept with him four years ago...
She could grab her coat and go. She could say she was sick or something.
No...that wouldn’t work. You only get a day off if you’re dying—nothing less...
Their son.
She could tell Dr Clarkson it was something to do with Seb.
This was her dream come true and her worst nightmare all rolled into one! Whilst once she had dreamed about what life might have been like for the pair of them if Jacob hadn’t disappeared, she was now faced with the fact that he was back. Here. In her department. And he would eventually need to be told about Seb.
She’d tried to tell him before.
I tried. I tried to track him down. But there was no trace! This isn’t my fault! He can’t hold me responsible for this!
She didn’t have to think about him being here. About him actually being in her A&E department. Standing mere metres away, looking even more alluring than he had before, if that were possible.
She’d hoped her imagination had got it wrong. That her memories of him were impaired. That perhaps he’d not been that stunning. That perhaps he’d have more in common with Quasimodo, or a troll, or something hopeful like that.
‘Look at him, Eva.’ Sarah glanced at her friend and frowned. ‘Eva? Why won’t you look at him? Oh, he’s coming over...’ Sarah scraped back her chair and stood up.
Eva sucked in a deep, steadying breath and felt her heart pound against her rib cage. This couldn’t be true! This couldn’t be happening! Not now. She wasn’t prepared for it. She’d dreamed about finding him and telling him about Seb for years, but now that the opportunity was upon her she was terrified.
‘Eva?’
That voice.
Chills trembled down her spine and she felt every single goosebump that prickled her skin.
She could see Sarah glance at her in surprise that somehow Eva knew this man. No doubt there would be an interrogation later, and she’d want all the details, but Eva was mindful that not only was this her workplace but she was a professional—and what business was it of anybody but her?
She dredged up what she hoped was a pleasant smile from somewhere—hoping it didn’t look like a ghastly rictus—and turned around, praying to any god that existed that she didn’t flush like a menopausal woman or look as if she was going to pass out.
Those blue eyes...
‘Jacob! Nice to see you again. It’s been a long time.’
Was her voice as strangled as it sounded to her? She hoped not. She was determined to be as professional as she could be. Professional and distanced. She was at least grateful for the fact that her voice was actually working. She’d felt so trapped and cornered suddenly she was amazed her voice hadn’t disappeared altogether, in a case of phobic aphasia.
She held out her hand for him to shake, as one colleague would to another. He raised a quizzical eyebrow and shook it, smiling that kilowatt smile.
Oh, help...
Eva kept the smile plastered on her face, not knowing what else to do. She had momentous, life-changing news for this man. But how could she tell him? Everyone knew she was a mother—it was bound to be mentioned to him at some point. All she needed was for someone to mention how old Seb was and Jacob would do a little maths, and then—
‘How have you been?’ he asked, smiling, looking her up and down. ‘You look great.’
She lifted her chin and smiled. ‘I’ve been fine. You?’
What had she expected? For him to say that his life had been awful without her? That after their one night he’d dreamed about her the way she had about him? Hah! Jacob Dolan had most likely coped absolutely fine without her!
‘I’ve been good. I can’t believe you actually work here.’
‘Well, I do.’ She struggled to think of something else to say. Something pleasant. Something...neutral. ‘This is Sarah Chambers—another A&E colleague.’
She introduced her friend and Sarah practically melted over him, shaking his hand as if she’d never let go, as if his hand was somehow magically feeding her oxygen or something.
Eva rolled her eyes at her friend’s blatant fawning, and when she could finally stand the overt flirting no longer she deliberately walked between them, so that their handshaking had to be broken off to allow her through.
‘Let me introduce you to everyone.’
Jacob dropped into step beside her. ‘Thanks. So...you’re going to be my new boss?’
She shook her head. No. Definitely not. ‘Dr Clarkson is clinical lead.’
‘How long have you been here?’
‘Since before I met you.’ She grimaced at how easily she’d referred to when they’d met. Now he would be remembering it, too.
She almost stopped walking. Couldn’t believe she’d referred to it. Her stomach became a solid lump of cold ice. Her feet felt as if they were inside concrete boots and walking was like trying to wade through molasses.
How do I tell him?
‘How was Africa?’
There. That was better. Turn the focus back onto him. It gave her time to breathe. Time to think. Time to formulate the answers she knew she’d have to provide.
‘Hot. And dry. But amazing. Life-changing.’
There was something odd in his voice then, and she voluntarily turned to look at him, trying not to be pulled by the lure of those sexy blue eyes that had got her into so much trouble in the first place.
‘It’s been life-changing here, too. But it sounds like you might have a few stories to tell?’
She could tell him a few! About what had happened after he’d left. About the decisions she’d had to make. How she’d done everything alone—as always. But she couldn’t right now. How could she? He’d only just got here. He’d only just arrived. Let the poor guy take his coat off before—
‘I certainly do. We ought to catch up some time.’
He paused briefly, then reached out to catch her arm. Electricity crackled along her skin like a lightning strike.
‘I’m glad you’re here.’
His touch burned her skin and she stared at him in shock before pulling her arm free. Unable to stand his close contact, and the effect it was having on her breathing and pulse rate, she stepped farther away, putting a trolley between them and distracting herself by fiddling with the pressed bed sheets, pillowcases and yellow blankets piled upon it.
She picked up one or two and took great interest in folding and refolding them, giving herself time to recover from his touch. To cool down. For her heart rate to slow.
Time to think of something to say.
How did you tell a man that he was a father? Completely out of the blue?
By the way, you ought to know...you’re a father.
No! She couldn’t say it like that. It wasn’t something you could come straight out with. There had to be some sort of preamble. An introduction.
Jacob? You remember that night we spent together? Look, I know we used protection, but somehow it didn’t work and...
Hmm... That didn’t seem all that marvellous, either.
Jacob...there’s no easy way to say this, so I’m just going to come straight out with it...you’re a father.
‘Let me show you around the department’ was what she came up with.
That was easier. By being professional, by not actually looking at him, she could almost forget...almost pretend he was someone else. A junior, maybe. A complete stranger.
She led him around the Minors area and then into Majors, Resus, Triage, the waiting room, stockrooms, sluice and cubicles, talking nonstop about all kinds of things—hospital policy, staff rotas, tricks to know when dealing with the computer—anything and everything but the one thing she wished she could talk to him about but was afraid to tell him.
She was talking so he didn’t have the chance to ask questions. And all the while aware of his proximity, his dark brooding outline, his expensive clothing, the feel of him near her once again.
She knew she was babbling. He was playing havoc with her senses. It was as if her body had been awoken by his presence. The way a flower reacted to the sun.
Her mind devilishly replayed a memory of his kiss. How his lips had felt upon hers. How they’d drifted ever so lightly across her skin, sending shivers of delicious delight through her body, arousing her nerve endings to touch in a way they had never been before, making her ache for more.
Eva could remember it all too well.
Every sizzling second of it.
Jacob had made her feel so alive! She’d had a long day at work that day, and when she’d made it to that party she’d felt exhausted—bereft of feeling. Yet in his arms she’d become energised, had tingled and yearned for his every touch, savouring every caress, consuming every desire and gasping her way through her ecstasy.
Feeling alive once again.
That one night had changed her entire life.
She shivered at the thought, those goosebumps rising again and her nipples hardening against her bra in expectancy. He was the only man who had ever made her feel that way. The only man she’d ever slept with since that night. The memory of him, the experience of him, had stopped her being intimate with any other. No one could measure up to his memory.
Not that there’d been anyone to challenge it, really.
Eva mumbled her way through the details of the filing system and how to operate the computer patient files, work through any glitches on the system, then asked him if he’d like to take on his first patient.
He cocked his head as he looked at her, trying to get her to make eye contact. ‘You okay? I mean, I hope our having to work together isn’t going to be uncomfortable?’
No, I’m not okay. You’re back! You’re back, and I had no warning. No time to prepare. And I have something momentous to tell you. And it will change your life. And I’m so aware of that and—
‘I’m fine. It’s...just been a difficult morning.’
He nodded in understanding. ‘Anything I can help with?’
‘No.’
He raised his eyebrow in such a perfect arch it was all she could do not to race into his arms there and then.
‘Are you sure?’
How are you with kids? Do you even like children? Because I have some news for you...
Eva sighed and shook her head.
No, she wasn’t sure.
She wasn’t sure at all.
How to tell him that he was father to a beautiful, bright, funny, gorgeous three-year-old boy, who obsessed over lions and tigers and looked exactly like him?
She swallowed a lump in her throat as fear overturned her stomach. Nausea unsettled her. A close sweat beaded her brow as guilt and shame overflowed from the box where she normally kept all those feelings tightly locked away.
What was she to do?
* * *
Eva slammed a patient file down hard on the doctors’ desk, the slap of cardboard on table echoing around the department, then sank heavily into a chair. Her fingertips punched into the keyboard as she began to write up some notes. She had no time. They were already running behind. Patients were filling up the waiting area and two were about to breach the four-hour limit.
Patients who had turned up because there were no district nurses to unblock catheters. Patients who were filling the corridors because there were no beds to put them in. Patients who were turning up just because they didn’t want to be alone at home and they needed someone to talk to just a couple of weeks before Christmas.
The need to immerse herself in work and forget about the new doctor was overwhelming.
If she absorbed herself in work it wouldn’t give her any time to think about him.
The guy who’d turned her neat little world around in just one night.
Even now she told herself she still didn’t know what had happened that night. How had he managed to put her under his spell? She knew it had been a difficult and long day at work. She’d almost not gone to that stupid party. But it had been Christmas Eve, and she’d put herself down to work on Christmas Day, and the need to celebrate the season, despite not having any family of her own, had made her go. Just to have a drink or two with friends. Chill out for a moment.
And she’d done that. Had actually been enjoying herself for a brief time when she’d noticed him across the room.
Those eyes. Those piercing blue eyes. But she had noticed something in his gaze. A loss—a grief so deep it had called to her.
She’d recognised emotional pain. And, having been in a similar place herself, she’d hoped she could soothe him. No one had ever helped her. But maybe she could help him? Just for a moment, if nothing else.
Then, when he’d noticed her, something had happened. Something weird and dreamlike. As if the rest of the world had melted away and it had been just the two of them, standing in front of each other. Close. Almost touching. He’d said his name and then she’d been in his arms. Dancing with him. Swaying with him. Their bodies mirroring the other, blending together, matching the other.
Melting into one.
There’d been something magical that night.
And it seemed he was still magical now!
How involved would he want to be with his child? He might not even care! He might not want anything to do with them! Perhaps he’d be the type of guy who only paid child support. She wouldn’t hate him for that. She’d be disappointed, but in fact she quite liked the idea that she wouldn’t have to share Seb. She enjoyed it being just the two of them. It had always just been the two of them. She’d never had to share him.
Jacob could be in a relationship already with someone else. A man who looked the way he did? Of course he would be! A man like him wouldn’t be single. If she’d ever entertained any grand idea that they would somehow end up together...
Her hand holding the pen trembled. She put it down for a moment and just sat for a second or two to pause and gather herself, to take in a deep breath and steady her jangled nerves. She could feel her heart slowing, could breathe more easily. Could act the professional doctor she believed herself to be.
Picking up her patient notes, she strode off to Minors.
* * *
Leo Rosetti had been brought in by his wife, Sonja. His knee hurt, and despite his taking painkillers at home nothing would touch it.
Eva entered the cubicle smiling, and closed the curtain behind her. ‘Good morning, Mr Rosetti. I’m Eva, one of the doctors here in A&E. Can you tell me what’s happened this morning to bring you in?’
There. That was better, she thought. Focus on the patients. Not on the fact that a certain someone had re-entered her life and turned it upside down and inside out.
‘Well, Doctor, I’ve got this terrible pain here.’ He leaned forward on the bed and rubbed at his left knee through his trousers. ‘It’s awful, I tell you. Really hurts.’
‘And how long has it been like this?’
‘Since the beginning of December now, and I really don’t feel well in myself, either. It’s not good for a person to live with pain day after day.’
No. It wasn’t. Especially the emotional kind.
‘He’s diabetic, Doctor,’ the wife interjected. ‘And he’s got osteoarthritis in both his knees. Had it for years. But he says this is different.’
Eva asked if he could roll up his trouser leg and she examined the grossly swollen knee. ‘Are you on any meds, Mr Rosetti?’
‘Leo, Doctor, please. I’m on metformin for the diabetes.’
She gave him a general check and then carried out a primary survey, asking questions about his general state of health, taking his BP and arranging for a full blood count and an X-ray, even though Leo said he hadn’t knocked or damaged the knee as far as he knew.
‘Will he be all right, Doctor? We’re going away this weekend.’
‘Oh, yes? Anywhere nice?’
‘Africa—well, Kenya specifically. We’re going on safari. Thought we’d do something different for Christmas, now that the kids have flown the nest.’
Africa. What was it with Africa?
She coloured as she thought of Jacob and what it had been like to see him again. That intense look in his eyes. Still with the power to make her go all weak at the knees as it once had.
Feeling guilty at having let her mind wander whilst she was with a patient, she smiled quickly. ‘I’ll be back in a moment to do the bloods.’
She pulled the curtain across and exhaled quietly and slowly, closing her eyes as she tried to gather her thoughts, her hand still clutching the curtain.
Seriously—what was going on here? Why was she allowing herself to get so worked up?
So Jacob was here? Big deal! He was just a guy. Just a...
I need to pull myself together!
This was not like her! She was normally an organised person. Efficient. She didn’t get distracted at work! There was too much at stake to let personal feelings get in the way whilst she was there.
A distracted doctor was a dangerous doctor.
She hurried back to her seat to write up her notes, managing a weak smile as Sarah settled next to her.
‘You okay?’
‘Sure!’ She tried to answer cheerily. ‘Just...you know...busy.’
‘Really? You seem a bit flushed about that new guy. Anything I can do?’
‘Short of growing another pair of arms? Seriously, I could really do without having to babysit a new doctor—’
‘So how do you know him?’
Her cheeks burned hot. ‘I don’t—not really. We only met once before.’
‘Come on! He knew your name! You know him. How come?’
Eva stared hard at her friend, afraid to give the answer. Afraid to voice the thing that mattered the most to her in the whole world.
Because he’s Seb’s father.
She muttered something unintelligible and hurried away.
* * *
Her patient, Leo, had his bloods done and sent off, and also an X-ray that showed osteoarthritic changes and some mild widening in the joint space of his knee. The blood cultures wouldn’t be available for three days, but his Hb levels were normal.
As the knee itself was hot and swollen, she felt it was wise to do a fine needle aspiration to draw off some of the fluid for testing. As she did so she noted that the fluid was quite cloudy, and she marked the tests to check for white blood cell count with differential, gram stain and culture.
She suspected a septic arthritis, and knew the joint would probably have to be drained until dry, as often as was necessary.
‘It shouldn’t affect your holiday as it’s important you keep moving, Leo.’
Mr Rosetti and his wife smiled at each other, and she was about to leave them alone and send the aspirated fluid to Pathology, when Jacob pulled open the curtain and asked if he could have a quick word.
Excusing herself from her patient, she stepped outside of the cubicle with him, feeling her heart race once again. What did he want? Had he found out about Seb?
Her brain quickly tried to formulate an answer about that. ‘Look, I meant to—’
‘There’s been a road accident. We’ve been phoned to let us know that a number of child casualties are coming our way.’
Children? Eva’s heart sank. She could only hope that the children about to come into the department would have simple minor injuries.
They began a hurried walk to Resus. Eva’s mind was focused firmly on the news. ‘Any idea of the number of casualties?’
‘Not at this stage. But it was a school minibus carrying a number of children across town. The police suspect they hit some black ice.’
Her heart thumped hard. She knew Seb’s school had been attending a Christmas church service today.
‘What age range?’
‘We don’t have any more details yet.’
It couldn’t be Seb’s school, Eva thought. Someone would have phoned her already.
‘Has anyone let Paeds know?’
He nodded. ‘I did. They’re sending a team down as soon as they’ve got people to spare.’
‘There’s no one free now?’
What was she doing? She shouldn’t raise her voice at him. It wasn’t his fault, was it?
They burst through into Resus.
‘What’s the ETA?’
A nurse put down the phone. ‘Seven minutes.’
‘Let’s get organised. Check equipment trolleys, monitors, sterile packs, gauze—everything and anything. We’ve an unknown number of paediatric casualties coming in and I want this to run smoothly. Let’s prepare for crush injuries, possible fractures, whiplash and maybe burns. Have we ordered blood?’
Sarah and another doctor, Brandon, arrived in Resus.
‘We’re on it.’
She nodded at both of them. ‘I’ll lead team one—Sarah, you can be team two... Brandon three.’
‘Where do you want me?’ asked Jacob.
Ideally as far away from me as possible.
‘Work with Brandon.’
‘Okay.’
He wrapped a plastic apron around himself and grabbed for gloves before glancing at the clock, walking away to join Brandon.
She watched him go, knowing that at some point she was going to have to tell him the truth.
Just not now.
Six minutes to go.
Eva pulled on her own apron and donned gloves, her heart pounding, her pulse thrumming like a well-oiled racing car.
Five minutes.
All eyes were on the clock.
Watching it tick down.
CHAPTER TWO (#ulink_681fe09f-6533-5ce6-961e-d45aa90df705)
AMBULANCE SIRENS GREW louder and closer as the staff waited, tense and raring to go. These were the moments that Eva both loved and hated.
Loved because of the way Resus went quiet as they all waited, pensive, with adrenaline urging their muscles to get moving.
Hated because she never quite knew what horrors she might yet encounter.
Still the paediatric team had not arrived.
Outside, there was the sound of rumbling engines and then the distant beeping sound of a reversing vehicle. Hospital doors slid open as the first patient came in.
Eva spotted a small dark-haired child, wearing a neck brace and on a backboard, and heard the paramedic firing off details about the patient.
‘This is Ariana, aged three. Ariana was restrained by a seat belt but endured a side impact of about thirty miles an hour. Head to toe: small abrasion on the forehead, complaining of neck pain, score of eight, bruising across the chest and middle, due to the seat belt, lower back and pelvis pain, which is secured with a splint, GCS of fifteen throughout, BP and pulse normal.’
Ariana? Didn’t her son Seb know a girl in his nursery school called Ariana?
Eva tried not to panic. She had to focus on the little girl in her care. Surely the school would have rung her if anything had happened to Seb? Although her phone was turned off, of course, and in her locker. She’d run and check as soon as she got the chance. Ariana was her priority right now.
‘Ariana? My name’s Eva. I’m one of the doctors here and I’m going to look after you.’
The way you dealt with any patient was important, but when it came to dealing with children—children who didn’t yet have their parents there to advocate for them—Eva felt it was doubly important. You had to let them know it was okay to be scared, but that they would be looked after very well and that the staff would do their utmost to get the child’s parents there as quickly as possible.
Ariana looked terrified. She had a bad graze on her forehead, probably from smashed glass, and her eyes were wide and tearful. Her bottom lip was trembling and it was obvious she was trying not to cry.
Eva’s heart went out to her. How terrifying it must be to be that small, alone and hurt, in a strange place that smelled funny and sounded funny, surrounded by strangers who all wanted to poke you and prod at you and stick you with needles, saying they’d make you feel better.
‘We need to check you’re okay, Ariana. What a pretty name! Now, I’m just going to use this—’ she held up her stethoscope ‘—to listen to your chest. Is that all right?’ Eva always made sure her paediatric patients understood what she was doing.
Ariana tried to nod, but her head’s movement was restricted by the neck immobiliser. ‘Ow! It hurts!’
‘Which bit hurts, honey?’
‘My neck.’
‘Okay, I’ll check that out for you in just a moment.’
Ariana’s chest sounded clear, which was a good sign. However, neck pain was not. It could simply be whiplash, but with neck pain you never took a chance.
‘We’ll need to take a couple of special pictures. But don’t you worry—they won’t hurt. It’s just a big camera.’
She looked up at the team she was working with, awaiting their feedback. One was checking the patient’s airway, another was checking her breathing, another Ariana’s circulation. One would get IV access for the admission of drugs or painkillers or blood, if it was needed. Each doctor or nurse was calling out a result or observation. They all worked as a highly efficient team so that patients were quickly and perfectly assessed as soon as they arrived in Resus.
Ariana was looking good at the moment. With the exception of the neck pain and the pelvic brace she was doing well, and she was responsive, which was very important. Her blood pressure was stable, so hopefully that meant no internal bleeding at all for them to worry about.
Behind her, Eva heard the Resus doors bang open once again as another patient arrived from the accident. She risked a quick glance to see who had come in. She knew Sarah or Brandon would take care of the new patient and she could focus all her attention on Ariana.
‘Have the parents been called?’
One of the nurses replied, ‘We believe the school are trying to contact parents now.’
‘Good. Did you hear that, Ariana? We’re going to find your mummy and daddy.’
She couldn’t imagine what it must be like to get that call, being a mother herself. Luckily, so far, Seb hadn’t been involved in anything serious like that. The only time she’d ever been woken by a phone call was when he’d gone for a sleepover at a friend’s house and the mother had rung at about eleven o’clock at night to say that Seb couldn’t get to sleep without his cuddly lion.
Nothing like this, thank goodness.
But having Ariana in front of her was making her doubtful. This sweet little girl looked familiar, and she felt so sure that Seb had a girl in his nursery class called Ariana...
If it was the same preschool as Seb... If he’d been hurt...
Her stomach did a crazy tumble.
She glanced across at the other teams. Sarah was busy assessing a patient and Brandon and Jacob were looking after their own little charge.
She turned back to Ariana, who was now holding her hand, and showed her the Wong-Baker FACES pain-rating scale—a series of cartoon faces that helped really young children scale their pain.
‘Which one of these are you, Ariana? Zero? Which means no hurting? Or ten? Which means hurting the worst?’
She watched as Ariana looked at all the little cartoon faces and pointed at four—‘Hurts A Little More’.
Good—the painkillers were taking effect. Hopefully that four would drop. Earlier, the paramedic had said her pain score was eight, so it was better, even if it wasn’t perfect.
Eva continued to hold Ariana’s hand. It was a soothing thing to do whilst they waited for their turn at CT and X-ray. If it had been Seb trapped in a hospital bed she would hope that the doctor caring for him would do the same thing, too, until she arrived.
* * *
Ariana’s CT scan was clear. The computer tomography scan showed internal slices through the body, so that breaks or bleeds could be seen much more clearly. Her pelvis was fine, as was her neck. Eva decided that she’d wait until they got back to Resus before she took off the immobiliser from Ariana’s neck and the brace from her pelvis.
As they wheeled her out of CT one of the nurses let Eva know that Ariana’s parents were on their way.
When they arrived back in the department Eva made the decision to take Ariana to the cubicles. Minors was busy, as some of the lesser injured children from the minibus had filled it up, and they still had a waiting room full of patients who hadn’t been involved but had come in with various ailments or injuries.
‘We’ll wait in here for Mummy and Daddy. This is much less scary than where we were before, isn’t it?’ She smiled at her patient.
Ariana was looking much happier now that the immobiliser and brace were off. She’d been a very lucky girl.
‘Ariana... I know you were going on a trip with your nursery. Which nursery do you go to?’
Please don’t say Pear Tree Pre-School!
‘The one next to the big school.’
Pear Tree Pre-School was next to an infant school...
‘What’s your teacher’s name?’
Seb’s teacher was Miss Dale. She was a very pretty young woman, with the sweetest nature, and Eva secretly wondered how she managed to keep her perfect composure all day long when surrounded by thirty-odd preschoolers.
‘Miss Dale.’
Oh, my God! Seb!
‘Ariana, I just need to check on something. Stay here, honey.’
She yanked open the curtain and fled from the cubicle, flagging down a passing nurse to sit with Ariana before heading straight to the minors board, looking for her son’s name.
Her eyes skim-read all the names until she saw it: Corday, Sebastian.
Please let him be all right!
She was about to rush off and find him when she did a double take, noticing the name of the doctor tending to him.
Jacob Dolan.
A sick chill had pervaded her body and her limbs felt numb and lifeless.
Jacob was with his son and he didn’t even know it!
Seb was talking to his father and he had no clue!
She forced her limbs to move. Forced her heavy body to start making its way to the cubicle where her life would change drastically.
Cubicle number four.
What were they talking about? Seb couldn’t be that injured if he was in Minors, but how bad was he? Was he sitting up in bed, chatting with his father? Was her secret out already?
No, not possible. Surely...?
Eva walked towards the cubicle with its closed curtain, a feeling of dread sitting low and heavy in her stomach. She could hear laughter inside, and Seb’s gentle chuckling.
She was just about to pull the curtain back when she felt a hand on her arm.
Sarah and Brandon wanted to give feedback. One child had a small fracture of the wrist and severe bruising where the seat belt had crossed the body. Another had dislocated her shoulder, but it had been reduced and put into a sling. The teacher driving and all the other adults had got away with nothing more than whiplash and bruising.
‘Nothing more severe? Thank goodness for that. They’ve been lucky, all of them.’
As Sarah and Brandon went back to their respective charges Eva couldn’t help but relax her shoulders, but she took a deep breath before she whipped back the curtain.
Seb was sitting up in bed, a broad smile on a face that was peppered with cuts. Jacob was seated on a stool next to him, about to glue a cut on his scalp.
‘Mummy!’ Seb saw her and lifted his arms for a cuddle.
Eva hurried over to him, waiting for the axe to fall, waiting for Jacob to do the maths and accuse her of being some heartless witch...
‘Seb! Are you okay?’
Jacob held off with the glue, giving them a moment. ‘Hello, Seb’s mum.’
She chose not to look at Jacob, knowing that if she did her eyes would give her away. Instead, she rapidly checked her son over, her hands grasping at his limbs, feeling for hidden injury. Apart from the cut on his scalp, he didn’t seem too bad.
She picked up his chart from the end of the bed and read through it. ‘Nothing serious, thank goodness.’
Jacob was watching her. ‘Just some minor cuts and scratches, thankfully. His head was banged against the side window, which has given him the small laceration that I was going to glue. He should be fine.’
‘Does he need a head CT?’
‘Dr Ranjit has checked him and said it wasn’t necessary.’
Dr Ranjit was a paediatric neurologist, so she had to assume he was right. ‘I see...’
‘Seb and I were just talking about lions. Apparently they’re his favourite animal.’
‘He loves lions.’
Jacob tilted his head at her curt tone, looking at her curiously. Then he asked Seb to put his head back against the pillow so that he could administer the glue. ‘Be brave, now—this might tingle a bit.’
Eva gripped her son’s hand tightly, smiling brightly into his face to encourage him to be brave.
He looked so like Jacob! Couldn’t Jacob see it? They both had the same almost black hair, slightly wavy. The same bright blue eyes...the same nose and mouth. It seemed that when genetics were being decided upon Mother Nature had decided to give Seb only his mother’s skin tone—very pale and creamy, with hints of pink in his cheeks. Apart from that, he was the spitting image of his father.
And this was not how she’d wanted Jacob to find out. She’d wanted to be able to tell him somewhere peaceful and neutral—perhaps the hospital grounds in a secluded corner? To buy him a coffee and ask him if he had time for a chat, and then slowly drip feed the information about what had happened after he left.
Not like this. Not in front of her son!
Seb winced as the glue went onto the edges of his wound and Jacob pinched them together to help them adhere.
‘You’re doing great, honey.’ Eva rubbed his hands in hers and wished she could take away the pain. The discomfort. Do what she could to make her son feel better.
‘I didn’t know you were a mother.’
She looked at Jacob quickly, and then away, guilt flooding her cheeks with heat. ‘No, well...things change.’
‘How old are you, Seb?’ he asked, frowning.
‘Three.’ Seb smiled. ‘It doesn’t hurt now.’
Jacob nodded and let go, and the wound’s edges stayed together. He pulled off his gloves and smiled. ‘There you go. It doesn’t need a plaster or anything. Just don’t get it wet. Well done, Seb! You’re very brave.’
Seb beamed with pleasure.
‘Can I take him home now?’ Eva started to gather her son’s things. His backpack had been put on the end of his bed, and his jacket.
‘He needs to stay here for an hour or two for observation. He has had a bump to the head.’
He was staring at her, his eyes full of questions.
He knows!
She had to get out of there! She did not want to have this conversation in front of Seb! She would not have this conversation in front of him. No. Not at all.
But he had to stay. For observation. Couldn’t she observe him at home? She was an A&E doctor after all...
‘May I have a word with you, Dr Corday?’
Oh, this is it. Here it comes...
‘Sure. But...um...later, maybe? I need to arrange cover if I’m going home.’
‘Could we talk now?’
She looked at Seb. Then back at Jacob.
‘Let me get him sorted first.’
She rummaged in his backpack and found his reading book. She passed it to him.
‘Have a read of your book, Seb. I’m just going to step outside the curtains and have a talk with Dr Dolan.’
Eva followed Jacob from the cubicle and went with him over to the quiet corner by the Christmas tree.
It looked beautiful this year. The team had really done themselves proud. For years they’d had a tired old fake tree that had been packed away each year in an old cardboard box, battered and unloved. But this year they had a real tree, beautifully decorated in gold and silver, with lots of pretend presents underneath.
Eva and Seb had been really looking forward to Christmas. This year it seemed Seb really understood what was going on, and what was happening, and the story of Santa Claus had got him so excited! They’d already put their own tree up at home.
But Eva wasn’t excited right now. She felt dread. And guilt. All those emotions she’d kept hidden away for years, since that first night with Jacob, neatly locked down, were now threatening to overwhelm her with their enormity.
She stood in front of Jacob like a naughty child before the headmaster. But then she thought about how he was guilty, too. About his part in all of this.
She squared her shoulders back and looked him in the eye. ‘Yes?’
‘You seem a little...distracted.’
She said nothing. Just stared at him. Waiting for the axe to fall.
‘Seb’s a great kid.’
‘He is. The best.’
‘You weren’t a mother when we met.’
Her cheeks flamed. ‘No.’
‘But you are now. And he’s three?’
‘Yes.’
Jacob seemed to be mulling over his next words. Thinking about what he might say next. Whether she would rebut his words or accept them.
‘He looks like me.’
Eva stared deeply into his bright blue eyes...eyes so much like Seb’s. She couldn’t—wouldn’t—deny him the truth. He deserved that.
‘Yes.’
Jacob’s voice lowered. ‘Is he mine, Eva?’
Of course he’s yours! Surely it’s clear to everyone?
She wanted to yell. She wanted to confirm it to him angrily. Rage at him for all he’d put her through after he left. But she didn’t. She knew that could come later. Right now he just needed the plain facts.
‘Yes. Seb’s your son.’
He stood staring at her, his face incredulous.
The Christmas tree twinkled between them.
She couldn’t help but notice how his broad shoulders narrowed down into a neat, flat waist. How his expensively tailored trousers moulded his shape, his long, muscular legs. He looked mouth-wateringly good. The years he’d spent in Africa had obviously been good to him. He was vital and in peak condition.
Years before, when they’d met at that party, there’d been only hints of the man he was to become. But even then he’d been delicious... Now the heavier muscle and perfectly toned body looked amazing on him...
She swallowed hard.
All she’d known about him that night was his name and that he was going to work for some charity. That he was a doctor, like her, and was going to Africa. But just because that was what he’d said, she hadn’t been sure it was true. People lied. Especially at parties. To make themselves sound better or more interesting than they actually were.
Jacob. In her A&E. Standing there. As large as life. As gorgeous and as sexy as he’d ever been. A hundred times more so.
He was just staring back at her, his mouth slightly open, as if he’d had something he was about to say only it had never come out.
She couldn’t just stand there! Waiting for the axe to fall. To see his reaction. Waiting for him to reject them.
So Eva turned and headed in the opposite direction—back through the curtains of the cubicle that held her son.
Their son.
If she just accepted right now that Jacob wasn’t going to be sticking around—he was just a locum after all, here for the busy Christmas period—then it wouldn’t hurt as badly. She couldn’t expect him to stay. She and Seb deserved to be loved 100 percent. Eva refused to accept anything less.
* * *
‘Seb will be okay to go home soon. I’ll have to take the rest of the day off. There’s no one else to take him, and I can’t get my neighbour Letty in—not after this.’
‘The new doc can pick up the slack,’ Sarah said.
‘Jacob.’ Her mouth and lips and tongue flowed over his name like a caress.
Eva turned to go and get Seb, then realised her coat and bag were in her locker on the other side of the department. She hurried to get them, flushing as she went past the double doors to Resus.
She had to be quick. Her fingers fumbled over the combination lock and her hands were shaking by the time she managed to open it.
She’d worried so much about how Jacob would react upon finding out he had a son that she hadn’t given a thought as to how Seb might react if he found out! He didn’t even know he had a father. Seb hadn’t yet asked, and she’d been too afraid to broach the subject with her very young son, deciding to wait until he was older to tell him what little she knew about Jacob.
Eva hurried from the staff locker room and headed for the cubicles.
She wanted to go home now!
CHAPTER THREE (#ulink_12207d3e-45f9-5102-9fa5-669c78aee9a9)
HE HAD A SON? A son!
That little boy. Seb. He’d just been talking to him, taking care of him, and he’d not once suspected that he was his son.
But why would he? Just because the boy had had the same hair as him and the same eye colour...that didn’t mean he should have suspected at all...
Why the hell hadn’t Eva told him about Seb? Why had she kept him a secret?
He couldn’t bear that. Secrets were dangerous.
He had to talk to her. Find out more. Find out what had happened after he left.
Walking away from the Christmas tree, he headed back to the cubicles—only to find Eva there, putting on her coat and scarf.
‘Where are you going?’
‘Home. I can observe Seb there. I am qualified.’
‘He needs to stay here.’
She looked at him. ‘This is nothing to do with you. You don’t have to pretend to care.’
‘Seb is everything to do with me—and not just as his doctor. And I do care.’
Eva stared at him, and as he waited for her to say something Seb peeked at him over his book and smiled.
Jacob couldn’t help but smile back. Seb was a cute little guy.
Then he looked back at Eva. ‘You both need to stay. We need to talk.’
She shook her head. ‘I’m not ready for this right now.’
‘Tough. It’s happening.’
He dared her to defy him. If she chose to walk away right now, then he had no idea what he would say. He’d probably have to chase her until she gave up and headed back to A&E. But thankfully he didn’t have to do any of that.
Eva let out a big huff, and then removed her scarf and unbuttoned her coat. ‘Fine.’
Jacob let out a breath and his shoulders sagged down. He hadn’t realised how tense he’d been. He couldn’t help but look at Seb now.
He looked tall for a three-year-old. Like himself, he supposed. He could remember his mum saying that he’d always been tall for his age. Then again, Eva wasn’t short, either. But now, the more he looked at his son the more he could see himself in the little boy. Seb’s eyes were the same shape and colour as his, he had the same wavy hair, the same shaped mouth...
It was like looking at a mini-me.
And he was three years old...
Three years that he had missed out on. Three years of important milestones—his first word, his first steps, his first tooth, his first Christmas!
I’ve missed everything. Birthdays and Christmases...
How had he not known about his own son? More important, why had Eva kept it from him? For three years! The last woman who had kept a secret from him had almost destroyed him.
Jacob called for one of the healthcare assistants to sit with Seb. ‘Don’t let him out of your sight,’ he said, then guided Eva into the staff room and slammed the door closed behind them.
Three years! I’ve had a son for three years and she never told me!
Fury and rage that he’d never thought it possible for one human being to contain filled his body, making it quake, and he had to grit his teeth to try to bring it under some form of control.
‘What the hell have you done?’
She looked up at him, her eyes wide and defiant as a solitary tear dribbled down her face. Even crying she was beautiful, and he hated her for that. Why couldn’t she look wretched? Why couldn’t she look awful, as if she were suffering for the pain she’d caused him?
He recalled Michelle standing in front of him, crying, begging for his forgiveness...
‘I’ve done nothing wrong.’
He looked at her, incredulous. ‘Nothing wrong?’
‘I’m raising a boy on my own and I’m doing a damned fine job, thank you very much!’
‘Oh, I’m sure that you are—but what about me? Did you not think our son deserved a father?’
‘Of course I did!’
A horrible thought occurred to him. ‘Are you with someone else? Is another man raising my child?’
She shook her head. ‘No.’
‘Then, why didn’t you find me and tell me?’
‘I tried! Believe me, I tried! But I only had your name, and I knew you were going to work for a charity in Africa. I had no way to track you down.’
‘Did you even try?’
She wiped the tear from her cheek. ‘Do you know how many charities do work in Africa? Do you know how much research that would have taken?’
‘You could have asked my friends from the party! They would have known!’
‘I did! They told me you were working with Change for Children, but when I contacted them, they told me you’d already left!’
He stared at her. It was true. He had worked for them, but only for a little while. And then he’d met that doctor working for a different charity and he’d gone with him, hoping to assist with an eye clinic...
Had he told anyone? Had he told anyone the specifics of where he was going next? He couldn’t remember. Surely he must have said something? But even if he had, would she have been able to track him down? He’d still been running then. He would not have left a way for himself to be traced by his family...
Was all this his fault? If he’d only thought to leave a forwarding address... Only he hadn’t, had he? Because he’d been trying to avoid his family tracking him down and sending him letters, bothering him with all their worry and their ‘Are you all right?’ and ‘Are you coming home?’
He’d always assumed that when the time came he would be there for his children. As his father had been for him. He’d imagined what it might be like to hold his baby in his arms... And Eva had had his child, not found him to tell him about it, and his own son had been without him for three years. If he’d known he wouldn’t have stayed in Africa for so long...or even gone there in the first place!
Words couldn’t adequately describe how angry he felt right now.
And for it to be Eva who had done this to him. The woman who had sashayed into his life one night, blown his mind and made him feel more alive than he’d felt in a year! The woman who’d filled his dreams for many a night subsequently. The woman who’d made him regret leaving England. The woman he’d thought about coming back home for.
He’d never have expected that she would do this to him!
‘So...what does Seb know about me?’
She folded her arms. ‘Nothing yet. He’s too young to have asked about his dad. I had planned, when the time came, to tell him that you were in Africa, with no means of communication.’
‘Africa...’
He’d loved it there. It had been such an education for him—would have been for any doctor—to go from a high-tech medicalised hospital to work in a ramshackle, dusty building that barely had instruments, lights or monitoring equipment. Many a time he’d been so frustrated at the lack of equipment, at the numbers of people they’d lost because they didn’t have adequate resources, that he’d decided to come home again and again, after every loss, but he never had.
If only I had...
Then he might have learned about Seb sooner. Learned about Eva. Could he forgive her? This was Eva—the woman he’d...
Jacob cleared his throat. ‘I’ve lost so much time with him already. He needs to know who I am.’
She stood up instantly, her body blocking the door. ‘You’re not going in there to tell him right now.’
He raised an eyebrow. ‘He needs to know.’
Eva nodded. ‘Then, I’ll tell him. At home. In his own space. Then maybe... I don’t know...perhaps you could come round later? Get to know him? Next week, perhaps...’
‘Give me your address. I’ll be round tonight.’
‘Tonight? I don’t—’
‘Tonight. I’ve already lost three years.’
She looked down at the ground. ‘I need more time.’
Jacob stepped forward so that he faced her, his nose mere inches away from hers. ‘You’ve already had three years. Tell him today. Or we both tell him tonight, when I come round. Your call.’
Eva backed away from the intense, angry stare of Jacob’s eyes. She’d had no idea of how angry he’d be. Or, really, what type of man he was. She’d allowed herself to be seduced by a stranger that night. She only knew one side of him.
‘I’ll tell him. I was the one who kept it from him after all.’
The way she looked at him then, with those beautiful crystal blue eyes of hers—the palest of blue, like snow ice on the polar caps—he had a flashback to how those eyes had looked into his that night they’d spent together, and a smack of desire hit him hard and low in the groin.
How could he still desire her when she’d just driven him mad with anger?
‘You know what hurts the most, Eva?’
She shook her head, her full, soft lips slightly apart, so he had to fight the urge to kiss her. It was as if there was a battle going on in his body. Half of him wanted to be furious with her; the other half wanted to take her to bed and make her gasp with delight.
‘Not only did you keep Seb from me, you also kept Seb from my parents. Grandparents who would love him. Aunts and uncles who would adore him. Cousins who could be his friends. My family would adore Seb.’
‘They still can...’
‘But only because I came here.’ He reached up and removed a wave of red hair from her cheek, then realised what he was doing and dropped it like a hot coal. ‘How much longer would you have kept the secret if I’d gone elsewhere?’
She seemed nervous of his touch, her breath hitching in her lungs and then escaping when he let go of her hair. She was breathing heavily, and he felt empowered to know he had that control over her. That she still responded to his touch.
He’d never forgotten that one night...
‘Jacob, I—’
‘What’s your address?’
Reluctantly, she told him.
He stepped past her and yanked open the locker room door.
‘I’ll be round at six.’
And then he left, leaving her alone.
* * *
Eva stood gasping like a landed fish after he’d left the locker room. As the door slowly closed behind him she sank down onto the bench and let out a long, slow, breath.
Jacob knew. And it had been every bit as horrible as she’d feared.
She felt she should have told him when she’d had that moment in Resus. Perhaps it might have gone better? If she’d been honest with him when she’d had the chance? But, no, she hadn’t said anything. Instead, she’d sneaked away like a frightened mouse. And now look what had happened.
She’d wanted to tell him. She’d wanted to tell him ever since she’d discovered she was pregnant! But...
She hadn’t been able to find him. She’d blamed him for being untraceable.
She’d wanted Seb to have it all! A mother and a father. As she’d never had. She’d promised herself that whenever she had kids her children would have the firm foundation of a loving family. Of growing up surrounded by love and security.
When she’d realised she couldn’t trace Jacob she’d quickly accustomed herself to the idea of raising Seb alone. Of relying only on herself—the way she’d always done! Seb would be able to rely on her. She’d be the best mother she could be. Her child would have the certainty that she was there to stay and she would love him more than life itself. Do the job of both parents.
Her feelings for Jacob she could control. What had they been but fantasy? He was a man she’d been able to put on a pedestal because she hadn’t known him long enough to discover otherwise. Who knew what he was really like?
She could do this.
It would be easier now. They would be able to work together and she wouldn’t have to worry anymore about him finding out about Seb. The worst was over.
Wasn’t it?
She caught her own worried gaze in the mirror. Maybe it wasn’t. Maybe Jacob would let Seb get to know him and then he’d disappear again? He had a temporary post here—perhaps he’d be a temporary father?
Eva got up and went over to the sinks to splash cold water on her face. She stared again at her reflection in the mirror, dabbing her skin dry with the paper towel.
‘Jeez...you really didn’t handle that very well at all,’ she told herself, trying out a tentative smile.
That was better. She needed to look human again before she went to collect Seb. She didn’t want him to notice she’d been crying. After today he needed to see his normal mum—the one in control. The one who soothed his brow when he was sick...the one who read to him at nights until he fell asleep. He’d need everything to be normal after the frightening start to his day in the minibus.
But I’m going to have to tell him about Jacob...
Exactly how did you tell a three-year-old about his father? Would he even be able to understand what she was telling him? Or would he accept it easily? In her experience her little boy was very adaptable. Maybe he’d take it in his stride?
She threw the paper towel into the bin and continued to look at herself in the mirror. She blinked quickly. The redness in her eyes was almost gone now. By the time she got out there to Seb she should look fine.
Eva opened the door.
Seb was still in his cubicle, but Jacob was with him, holding on to Seb’s little fingers as he spoke to him. Seb looked intrigued. So happy. She wondered what they were talking about. She watched them together. The way Jacob spoke, the way he laughed—he was so like Seb. And Seb looked so like his father, with his wavy dark hair and intense blue eyes. They were the spitting image of each other. He was so obviously Jacob’s little boy.
And I didn’t persevere in trying to find him. I should have! We could have had everything we ever wanted...
Yeah, right. As if that would ever have happened...
Seb spotted her and waved. ‘Can we go home now?’
Jacob didn’t smile at her.
‘Soon. We need to stay for a while so the doctors can keep an eye on you.’
‘Because I banged my head?’
‘That’s right.’ She glanced at Jacob.
He looked to his son. ‘You know what, Seb? I’m going to come round to your house tonight. Is that okay?’
Seb nodded emphatically. ‘Yes! You can tell me more about lions.’
He smiled. ‘I will. I’ll tell you anything you want to know.’
Eva stared at him hard, but he looked away from her and down to his son, ruffling his hair.
* * *
He’d kept them there as long as he could, but eventually Jacob had watched as his son and Eva left the department.
Hell of a first day!
He’d expected fireworks. He’d expected ups and downs. But not this. Never this!
Three years. He’d been a father for three years. Years that he’d spent in Africa, tending to the poorest and sickest of people, with almost no modern medical facilities. Watching people die needless deaths, getting depressed, drinking too much...
Thank goodness he’d stopped with the alcohol. That had been a stupid path to go down. But what with Michelle and The Wedding That Never Was, he’d felt entitled to a drink. And the drink had helped numb his thoughts. About Michelle. About Eva.
She’d been the last thing he’d expected at that party.
He’d gone there expecting to say goodbye to a couple of friends—people who had been there for him after Michelle, who had let him crash on their floors despite the stuff going on in their own lives—and there she’d been. Standing on the far side of the room, in a dress that hugged in all the right places. That flaming red hair had made her stand out in a room of mousy browns and she’d had the bluest eyes he’d ever seen, her lips curved in a half-smile.
Something about her had intrigued him.
Who was she? What was she doing there?
The very fact that he’d actually been thinking those questions had woken something in him. Something that he thought had died along with Michelle. And when he’d held her in his arms to dance, her soft curves moulded into his body, as if she’d been carved specifically for him, he’d turned to mush.
He’d wanted to kiss her. Had wanted to taste her. Possess her. All other thoughts—all the pain, all the grief, all the torment that he’d spent months trying to get rid of—had suddenly dissipated.
All there had been was Eva.
And she’d kept quiet. Not told him he was a father. Not tracked him down. If she had he could’ve been... He could’ve had...
He shook his head to clear his thoughts.
She was doing it again. Muddling his mind. What was it with women who did this?
He had to think clearly again. There was a reason he didn’t like to revisit his past.
Jacob strode back into the department and picked up a patient file. No matter what, life was now going to be different. He’d get to know Seb. Slowly. Not rush it. He’d get to know his son. Let Seb get to know him. Do I want to see my family again?
The last time had been on his wedding day. The day that Michelle had died. Almost five years ago.
Since then, he’d been running. Running from his family...running from those who said they loved him because he couldn’t cope with them. Couldn’t think about dealing with their pity and their sympathy and their sad looks, their supportive pats on his back. He’d not wanted to face any of that. Nor would they have wanted to give it if they knew the whole truth of what had happened that day...
But he could be different now. Couldn’t he? It wasn’t just him anymore—he wasn’t alone now. He had a son, and his son would need him. He refused to let Seb be without his father for a moment longer.
And it was nearly Christmas. Traditionally a time for family. Perhaps now was the time for him to start building some bridges? Maybe let his parents know about Seb? Maybe Eva would let him take Seb for a visit? They’d love that. Love Seb. And Seb would love Jacob’s old childhood home. The smallholding. The animals there. The old orchard where Jacob had spent so many hours himself.
I can’t go. There are too many memories there of Michelle...
It was too much to think of going there.
Michelle had grown up right next door. His English rose, with her gorgeous straw-coloured hair that had floated and billowed in the breeze. He could picture her everywhere there. In the orchard. The barn. The house. He could hear her laughter even now, as she danced away from him, always out of reach.
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