Sisters Found
Joan Johnston
Hope Hope Butler is about to watch the man of her dreams, Jake Whitelaw, marry another woman–unless she finds the courage to stand up and fight for him.FaithFaith has always been more concerned with the happiness of others than with her own, and if she isn't careful, she's going to let a good man slip through her fingers.CharityAdopted at a young age, Charity Burnette never really had a home, and she's not one for putting down roots–even if it means shutting out the man who'd love to call her his wife.When the three sisters come together unexpectedly at Hawk's Pride Ranch, the sparks fly. But each woman is about to learn something about herself…about family…and about the love of a good man.
Dear Reader,
It’s amazing how characters become real when you write about them. When I first introduced Faith and Hope Butler, I never imagined that they were anything more than twins. But I was having dinner with a couple of Harlequin sales reps, when one of them quipped, “What about Charity?”
I suddenly realized, “Oh, my God. There is a Charity!” But why would one third of a set of triplets be separated from her siblings? Why would loving parents allow two sisters to grow up thinking they were twins when they had a sister who was lost out in the world somewhere? Answering those questions became the challenge when writing Sisters Found. I hope you’ll enjoy reading the story of Faith, Hope and Charity as much as I enjoyed writing it.
I appreciate hearing your comments and suggestions. You can reach me through my Web site, www.joanjohnston.com. Be sure to sign up on the mailing list at my Web site if you’d like to receive an e-mail/postcard when the next Joan Johnston novel is in stores.
Take care, and happy reading!
JOAN JOHNSTON
Sisters Found
My deepest gratitude to my editors
Karen Taylor Richman
and
Dianne Moggy
for your unending patience and support.
CONTENTS
PROLOGUE
CHAPTER ONE
CHAPTER TWO
CHAPTER THREE
CHAPTER FOUR
CHAPTER FIVE
CHAPTER SIX
CHAPTER SEVEN
CHAPTER EIGHT
CHAPTER NINE
CHAPTER TEN
CHAPTER ELEVEN
CHAPTER TWELVE
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
EPILOGUE
PROLOGUE
HOPE
HOPE BUTLER WAS DESPERATE. The man she loved was engaged to another woman, and he planned to marry her in two weeks. Hope had to do something. Jake Whitelaw didn’t belong with that other woman. He should be spending the rest of his life with her.
Jake had fought his attraction to Hope from the very beginning. She could hardly blame him. She’d been only eighteen when she’d first realized she loved him. He’d been thirty-six. Perhaps her infatuation would have died a quick death if Jake hadn’t returned her interest. But he had.
She hadn’t known for sure until that fateful day more than three years ago, when she’d placed temptation in his path. She recalled their confrontation in her daddy’s barn as though it had happened yesterday.
She’d been waiting a long time for the chance to get Jake alone, and it had come when he made a delivery of hay.
His shirt was dirty, the sleeves rolled up to reveal strong, sinewy forearms. His Stetson was sweaty around the brim, and shaggy black hair was crushed at his nape. His cheeks were hollow, and he had a sharp nose and wide-set, ice-blue eyes. He was half a foot taller than she was, lean at the hip, but with broad, powerful shoulders. He made her body come alive just looking at him.
“How are you, Jake?” she said, walking with her shoulders back so her breasts jutted and her hips swayed.
He eyed her sideways. “Just dandy,” he muttered.
“Daddy wants that hay in the barn,” she said, hop-skipping to keep up with his long strides.
“Why didn’t you just say so? You don’t need to come with me, little girl. I know where it goes.”
Little girl. Hope ground her teeth. She’d show him she was no little girl! “There’s some stuff needs to be moved first,” she hedged. “Machinery that’s too heavy for me to pick up by myself.”
“Why didn’t your daddy move it?”
“I told him I could do it. That is, before I realized how heavy it was,” she fibbed.
Jake didn’t look suspicious, but it wasn’t going to take long once they got inside the barn for him to realize she’d lied. The space where the hay was supposed to be stacked had been cleared out that morning. She opened the door and went inside first, then waited for him to enter before she closed the door behind him.
The barn smelled strongly of leather and manure. Sunlight streamed through the cracks between the planks of the wooden barn, leaving golden lines on the empty, straw-littered dirt floor.
He turned to confront her. “What the hell is going on, little girl?”
She was backed up against the door to keep Jake from leaving. She put her hand over the light switch when he reached for it, afraid of what she’d see in his eyes in the stark light of the naked overhead bulb. He didn’t force the issue, merely stepped back and stood facing her, his legs widespread, his hands on his hips.
“What happens now?” he said. “You want sex? Take off your jeans and panties and lie down over there on that pile of straw on the floor.”
Hope’s eyes went wide when he started to unbuckle his belt. “Stop! Wait.” She was shocked by his brutally frank speech, by the rough sound of his voice, by his plain intention of taking what she seemed to be offering without any pretense of romance. This wasn’t how she’d imagined things happening between them.
He had his shirt unbuttoned and was ripping it out of his jeans when he paused and looked her right in the eye. “You chickening out, little girl?”
Maybe if he hadn’t made it a dare, she would have run, which is what she realized he expected her to do. She stared right back at him and began untying the knot at her midriff.
“I’m not going anywhere.”
She watched his eyes go wide, then narrow. A muscle jerked in his cheek. He no longer seemed interested in taking his clothes off. He was too busy watching her. Waiting, she suspected, to see how far she would go.
Her mouth was bone dry, but she wanted him to know why she was doing this. “I…I love you, Jake.”
He snorted. “Get to it or get out.”
Her cheeks pinkened in mortification, but she refused to run. It wasn’t easy undressing in front of him. She kept her eyes lowered while she fumbled with the knot. He stood watching, waiting like a lone wolf stalking an abandoned calf, certain of the kill.
When the knot came free, her shirt fell open. She let it slide off her shoulders and onto the floor, revealing the pure white demi-cup pushup bra she’d bought with her baby-sitting money, which revealed just about everything but her nipples.
When she lifted her gaze to his face, she was frightened by what she saw. His eyes had a dangerous, feral look, his jaw was clenched tight, and his hands had balled into fists. He looked intense, unapproachable, but she forced herself to walk up to him, to slide her hands around his neck, to lift up on tiptoe to press her lips against his.
A second later she was shoved up hard against the barn door with Jake’s hips grinding against her own. His tongue was in her mouth taking what he wanted, and she was so full of sharp, exciting sensations that she couldn’t breathe.
Just as suddenly he backed off, leaving her with Jell-O knees that wanted to buckle, a heart that was threatening to explode and her insides tied up tight, hurting and wanting. “Jake,” she said. It was a cry of emotional pain. A plea for surcease from her unrequited need.
“I’m twice your age,” he said flatly. “You’re too damn young for me, Hope.”
“You want me,” she said boldly.
It would have been hard to deny. His jeans bulged with abundant evidence of his desire. “I’m a grown man. Old enough to know better,” he said with a disgusted sigh. He unbuttoned and unzipped his jeans, but only so he could tuck his shirt back in. He buttoned his shirt, buckled his belt and adjusted his clothes, then leaned down and picked up her shirt. “Put this on,” he said.
She did as she was told. She hadn’t gotten what she’d expected when she’d come into the barn with Jake. But she’d gotten what she wanted. Proof that he desired her. Proof that if she pushed long enough and hard enough, she might convince him that she was what he needed.
Her hands were shaking too much for her to tie a knot in the shirttails.
“I’ll do it,” he said, pushing her hands out of the way.
Her stomach quivered as his knuckles brushed against her flesh. She glanced up and saw the feral look was back in his eyes. He yanked the knot tight and stepped back.
“Now get the hell out of here!” he snarled.
Hope yanked open the barn door and ran.
She’d kept running until she got to the house, unaware of the tears on her face until she slammed into the kitchen. Her twin sister Faith had lurched from the table where she was sitting with her boyfriend Randy and demanded, “What did he do to you?”
“Nothing,” Hope sobbed. That was the problem. To Jake Whitelaw she was just a little girl. She’d run to her room and locked herself in and stayed there the rest of the day.
But the more she’d thought about what had happened, the more encouraged she’d been. Jake might not want to be attracted to her. But he was.
She’d been devastated when she’d discovered at dinner on the night of her high school graduation that he’d gotten himself engaged to the high school English teacher, Miss Carter. Hope was aptly named, because even then, she hadn’t given up hope.
She’d seen Jake once more before the summer was over. And what she’d discovered in that meeting had directed the course of her life over the past three years.
Jake had offered Faith and Randy a ride into town and Hope had gone along. After Jake dropped them off, she was alone with him for the first time since the day she’d revealed her feelings to him in the barn.
Jake was angry. Hope recognized the signs. The vertical lines on either side of his mouth became more pronounced because his jaw was clamped, and his eyes narrowed to slits. There was an overall look of tautness to his body—shoulders, hands, hips—that suggested a tiger ready to leap.
She knew she shouldn’t have invited herself along. She knew Jake didn’t want her around. She also knew he didn’t want her around because he was tempted by her presence, like a beast in rut responding to the relentless call of nature.
Hope let her gaze roam over Jake and saw his nostrils flare as her eyes touched what her hands could not. She wondered whether she ought to push him into something irrevocable. Like taking her virginity.
He would marry her then. She was sure of it. But would he love her? She didn’t want him without his love. She knew that much. But she was running out of time. Why, oh why, had he gotten engaged to Miss Carter? She wouldn’t feel this desperation if he hadn’t forced her hand. She knew in her bones that they belonged together, and she didn’t intend to lose him to another woman.
“You haven’t asked where I want to be let off,” she said when Jake had driven half the length of the main street in town without stopping.
He shot her a look filled with scorn. “Don’t insult my intelligence. You haven’t got any errands to run. But I do. So sit there like a good little girl and be still.”
It was the little girl that did it. It was a flash point with her and always would be, because it diminished who she was, which was more than the sum of her age. She began to unbutton her blouse right there, driving down Main Street.
Jake glanced in her direction and nearly had an accident. “What do you think you’re doing?”
“Taking my clothes off.”
“Do you want me to get arrested?”
“I’m not a minor, Jake. We’re two consenting adults.”
“I’m engaged. I’m promised to another woman.”
“Not once word of this gets around,” she said, glancing at the passersby who gawked in through the window as she pulled her shirt off her shoulders, leaving her wearing only a peach-colored bra.
Jake swore under his breath and gunned the engine, heading for the old, abandoned railroad depot on the outskirts of town. He braked to a halt in front of the depot and turned to glare at her. She saw the flicker of heat as he glimpsed the fullness of her breasts above her bra.
“What the hell do you think you’re doing?”
“I’m not a little girl anymore, Jake. I don’t know what I have to do to prove it to you.”
“I’m not going to marry you, Hope. You’re not what I want. I want someone who can share my memories of the world, someone who’s lived a little.”
“I can catch up,” she said desperately.
He shook his head. “No, little girl. You can’t.”
Hope felt her chin quivering and gritted her teeth to try to keep it still. “So you’re going to marry Miss Carter?”
“Yes, I’m going to marry her. Put your blouse back on, Hope.”
She grabbed her shirt and tried to get it on, but the long sleeves were inside out, and her hands were shaking too badly to straighten it.
She heard Jake swear before he scooted across the bench seat, pulled the shirt from her hands and began to pull the sleeves right-side out. He held the shirt for her while she slipped her arms into it. Her cheek brushed against his as she was straightening. She turned her head and discovered his mouth only a breath from her own. Their eyes caught and held.
She wasn’t sure who moved first, but an instant later their mouths were meshed, and his tongue was inside searching, teasing, tasting. He was rough and reckless, his hands cupping her breasts as a guttural groan was wrenched from his very marrow. His mouth ravaged hers as his hands demanded a response.
She couldn’t catch up. He was moving too fast.
And then he was gone. Out the opposite door. She scrambled after him, pausing in the driver’s seat when she spied him leaning against the van, his palms flat against the metal, his head down, his chest heaving.
He stood and faced her. “That was my fault,” he said. “I…” His eyes were full of pain and regret. “You’re formidable, Hope. I’ll grant you that. Somewhere out there is a very lucky young man.”
“I want you,” she cried.
“I belong to someone else.”
“You’re only marrying Miss Carter because you don’t think you can have me. But you can!” Hope insisted. “There’s nothing stopping us from being together except your own stubborn bias against my age.”
“Your youth,” he corrected.
She snorted. “Eighteen years isn’t that much. Lots of men marry younger women.”
“You need to go to college. You need to find out what you want to do with your life. Maybe you’ll decide you want more out of life than simply being some rancher’s wife. If I were to marry you now, the day might come when you decided marriage to me wasn’t fulfilling enough, that you needed to go find yourself.”
“Is that what happened with your first wife?” Hope asked, her eyes wide.
“I’ve seen it happen,” Jake said without answering her question directly. “You’re too young to know what you’d be giving up, Hope. Go to school. Get an education. Find out what you want to do with your life.”
“If I do that, if I go to college, will you wait for me?”
She saw the struggle before he answered, “In four years I’ll be forty. I—”
“Wait for me,” she said, stepping out of the van. “Don’t marry Miss Carter. Promise you’ll wait for me.”
“I can’t promise anything, Hope. There’s another person in this equation you’re not considering. I’ve proposed to another woman, and she’s said yes. Unless Amanda breaks the engagement, I’m honor-bound to marry her.”
“Even if you don’t love her?”
“Who says I don’t?”
The shock of his words held Hope speechless. “How could you love her and want me like you do?”
He shoved a frustrated hand through his hair. “I respect and admire her. And she loves me. We can have a good life together.”
“You don’t love her,” Hope accused.
“I don’t know what I feel anymore,” he retorted. “You’ve got me so damned confused—”
“Wait for me,” Hope said. “There are such things as long engagements.”
“That wouldn’t be fair to Amanda,” Jake said stubbornly.
“It is if you don’t love her. Don’t you think she’ll notice? Don’t you think she’ll miss being loved?”
Jake stared at the ground, then back at her. “I’ll go this far,” he said. “I won’t press her to get married. But I’m not going to walk away if she sets a date.”
“Thank you, Jake,” she said. “At least that gives me a chance.”
Hope had finished college in three years, waiting with bated breath the entire time for news of Jake’s wedding. But it had never come. She’d seen as much as she could of the world in her two summers off, traveling once to Australia and once to Europe. She’d kept her eyes wide open, absorbing as much of life as she could, trying hard to catch up to Jake.
She’d come home in September, still in love with him, still wanting to spend her life with him, only to discover that Amanda Carter had at long last set a date for their wedding—Christmas Eve.
Which gave Hope only two more weeks to find a way to stop it.
CHAPTER ONE
FAITH
FAITH BUTLER HADN’T SEEN HER twin sister Hope since shortly after they’d arrived at the party celebrating Jake Whitelaw’s impending marriage to their former English teacher Miss Carter. Not that Hope’s entrance hadn’t been noted by one and all.
The afternoon gathering that was supposed to be held inside Miss Carter’s two-story frame house had been moved into her backyard when a warm Chinook wind came through, making the mid-December afternoon feel like a summer day.
Hope had stepped out onto Miss Carter’s back porch dressed in a tight black skirt barely long enough for decency and a form-fitting, V-necked black cashmere sweater cut low enough to raise a man’s heart rate. Ruby-red lipstick emphasized her full lips, and she wore enough mascara and eye shadow to dramatize a dozen dark, smoldering eyes.
Faith knew her sister’s outrageous behavior only stemmed from desperation and determination. Because the man Hope loved was about to marry someone else.
Nonetheless, Hope’s get-up had done the trick. She’d managed to attract the one pair of eyes she’d been hoping to snare. Jake Whitelaw hadn’t been able to stop staring at her. Or maybe it was more honest to say glaring at her.
Faith sighed loud enough to catch her boyfriend’s attention.
“What’s wrong?” Randy asked.
Faith reached for Randy’s hand without noticing that she did so with the prosthetic device on the end of her left arm, where a hand was supposed to be—but had never grown. Randy Wright’s total devotion over the past three years had made it possible for Faith to forget sometimes that she wasn’t perfect, like her twin.
“I wish Hope would give up and accept reality,” Faith said. “Jake Whitelaw might be physically attracted to her, but—”
“Might be?” Randy said with a snort. “He practically paws the ground every time he lays eyes on her.”
Faith lifted an expressive black brow. “All right, he’s got the hots for Hope. But he’s going to marry Miss Carter.”
“It sure looks that way,” Randy said, eyeing Jake, who stood with his arm around Miss Carter’s slender waist. “Unless somebody does something fast.”
“Hope has done everything she can to make herself into a potential wife for Jake. She raced through college in three years to get her degree in computer science from Baylor this past summer. And she’s spent the past two summers traveling the world and experiencing as much of life as she can. But—”
“But she can never catch up to him, because he’s lived too much longer than she has,” Randy finished for her.
Faith sighed again. Jake Whitelaw might be only eighteen years older than Hope, but he was ages older in life experience. She didn’t understand her sister’s attraction to the older man, but Hope had fallen head over-ears for Jake years ago, and was still tumbling even now.
“So what are you going to do to help her out?” Randy asked.
“What can I do?”
Randy grinned. “You might have acted like the shy sister growing up, but I know better. Whenever you want something and go after it, you get it. So, I ask again, how are you going to help Jake discover that he belongs with Hope?”
“Do they belong together?” Faith asked skeptically.
“Look at Jake,” Randy said. “His gaze is constantly searching out Hope. And his behavior with Miss Carter is anything but loverlike.”
“Oh,” Faith said as she watched Jake’s eyes scan Miss Carter’s backyard, even though Hope was nowhere to be seen in the crowd. His arm was linked around Miss Carter’s waist, but they stood a good six inches apart. And although they were physically together, Miss Carter seemed to be talking to everyone except Jake.
Faith watched as Hope appeared at one of the five entrances to the gazebo in the center of Miss Carter’s backyard, laughing and flirting with one of Jake’s hired hands. When Hope looked toward Jake to see if he’d noticed her, Jake quickly and carefully averted his eyes. Oh, Jake was attracted, all right. But it looked like he’d be damned before he’d let Hope know it.
“There’s something else you may not have noticed,” Randy said. “Check out Jake’s younger brother Rabb. Look who has his eye.”
Faith searched out Louis Whitelaw, who’d earned the nickname Rabbit as a kid, which had been shortened to Rabb as he’d grown older. Rabb was attractive, with chestnut-brown hair and hazel eyes, but nowhere near as good-looking as his brother Jake, who was easily four inches taller and broader in the shoulders, with chiseled features that demanded female attention.
It was amazing how they ended up being brothers. Zach and Rebecca Whitelaw had adopted eight kids in all. None of them looked much like the others, but they were as close-knit as any family tied together by blood. Maybe more so, precisely because there was no blood tie to bind them. Each kid had a different background, some more horrific than others, but once they’d been adopted into the Whitelaw clan, they’d cleaved to one another like ivy to oak.
Which made the situation Randy had pointed out to her all the more compelling.
Faith watched in fascination as Rabb Whitelaw stared with lovesick eyes at his older brother’s fiancée. “Oh,” she murmured. “Oh, my. That is interesting.”
“Rabb has been eating Miss Carter with his eyes all afternoon,” Randy said. “Surreptitiously, of course. He’d never poach on his brother’s territory.”
“So he’ll let Jake marry Miss Carter, even though he loves her himself?” Faith asked.
“It looks that way,” Randy said. “So you see, you’d be doing more than one person a favor if you helped break up this engagement.”
“Believe me, I’m tempted,” Faith said. “It’s just too late. The wedding’s in two weeks.”
“Consider the fact that Jake and Miss Carter didn’t set the date for their wedding until now, the exact time Hope finished school and has returned all grown up,” Randy said. “What does that tell you?”
Faith pursed her lips and made a humming sound. “You think that Jake’s only marrying Miss Carter to avoid his attraction to Hope? Is that possible?”
“Jake and Miss Carter have been engaged for three very long years. If they were in love, why didn’t they get married a long time ago?” Randy asked.
Before Faith could speak, he answered his own question.
“Because Jake isn’t in love with Miss Carter. Because being engaged to her has kept him ‘safe’ from acting on his attraction to your sister. You told me he believes he’s too old for her. And he was married before to a younger woman, who left him when she got bored with ranch life.”
“Hope loves living and working on a ranch,” Faith said in defense of her sister. “She’d never get tired—”
“I didn’t say she would,” Randy interrupted. “But Jake got burned once. You can’t blame him for wanting to avoid the fire.”
Faith frowned. “I have to admit I thought Hope was too young for Jake when she first told me she’d fallen in love with him. But her teenage crush hasn’t gone away. If anything, she seems more determined than ever to have him.”
“If they’re meant for each other, you’d be doing them a favor throwing them together,” Randy said, “before Jake marries the wrong woman. And if they’re not destined to be together, it’ll be better in the long run to help Jake get over this infatuation he has for Hope before he marries Miss Carter.”
“But the wedding is in two weeks!”
“Then you’d better get started, sweetheart,” Randy said, kissing her on the nose.
“Are you going to help me?” Faith asked.
Randy held up his hands. “Uh-uh. Not me. Matchmaking is for females.”
“You just stood there and talked me into it!” Faith protested.
Randy grinned. “You were going to interfere anyway. I merely gave you the nudge you needed to get started.”
Faith grimaced and then laughed. “All right. I admit it. I can’t stand to see Hope so unhappy. Especially if there’s something I can do about it.”
“You go, girl,” Randy said with a wink.
“I do love you,” she said as she lifted herself on tiptoe and kissed him on the mouth. His arm slid around her waist and pulled her close, deepening the kiss as she leaned into his solid strength. When he let her go, she looked into his eyes, hoping he could read the gratitude she felt.
If she was no longer the shy person she’d been in the past, it was because she saw a beautiful woman reflected in Randy’s eyes, not the imperfect person—the twin without a left hand—she’d been when they’d first met.
“I think I’ll go get myself a drink,” he said as he released her. “You have work to do.”
He kissed her again, a quick, hard kiss that told her he wanted to take her somewhere and lay her down and make mad, passionate love to her. Then he let her go and headed for the open bar that had been set up in the wooden gazebo in the center of Miss Carter’s backyard.
Randy was right, Faith thought, as she watched him saunter away. If someone didn’t do something, the wrong people were going to end up married to each other.
She turned her attention back to the engaged couple. Maybe she should start by seeing if she could get Miss Carter interested in Rabb Whitelaw. Maybe if Miss Carter met up with someone who really loved her, she would be willing to give up Jake. The question was how to accomplish this miracle in two weeks!
There was no time to waste. Faith contemplated her surroundings and plotted the best way to create…a ruckus.
RABB WHITELAW HAD FALLEN IN love with Amanda Carter long before his brother had come along and gotten engaged to her. Rabb had first noticed Amanda when they were both in the ninth grade. All through high school he’d admired her from afar, because he’d never felt like he was anyone she’d be interested in. Amanda was smart; he hadn’t done well in school. And Amanda was tall. He hadn’t caught up to her in height until he was a senior.
The long and the short of it was, he’d never been able to work up enough courage to ask her out. He’d figured she’d want to talk about Shakespeare and Molière and Faulkner and Hemingway, and reading was difficult—make that excruciating—for him, because he was dyslexic. She’d dated lots of different boys, but he’d always been grateful that she’d never settled on any one in particular.
When Amanda had pursued her teaching degree at the local university, Rabb had been in agony worrying that she would fall in love with someone else. But she’d finished her education unattached and gotten a job teaching English at the local high school.
During the years Amanda had been in college, Rabb had found his niche working with his hands. He’d started small, making kitchen cupboards for his mom and then graduated to a bedroom suite for his sister Jewel and her husband Mac. Most recently he’d made a baby crib for his brother Avery and his wife Karen.
He took pride in his work, and now made a very comfortable living creating unique pieces of wood furniture that were in demand across the country. About the time professional success had given him the self-confidence he needed to pursue a relationship with Amanda, her mother had been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, and Amanda had become her mother’s nurse.
He’d asked her out anyway. She’d gone to the movies with him once, leaving her mother home alone, because at the time Mrs. Carter’s disease wasn’t very far advanced. But Amanda had come home to find her mother distraught and confused about where she was. Amanda had been so upset that she’d hurried inside. Rabb hadn’t even gotten to kiss her good-night.
He’d asked her out a number of times after that, even offered to come over to her house with some popcorn and a rented video, but Amanda always refused.
But he hadn’t stopped loving her. He’d figured that at some point Amanda would put her mother in a home where she could get round-the-clock care. But Amanda had never sent her mom away. She’d hired a nurse for the days when she was teaching high school. And spent her evenings at home.
Mrs. Carter had survived a long time. She’d died only three years ago. And Jake had swooped in at a vulnerable moment shortly after the funeral and asked Amanda to marry him.
She’d said yes.
Rabb had felt like punching his brother’s lights out. Instead, he’d swallowed his anger and wished both of them well. He’d been miserable, wondering how soon he would have to sit in church and watch the brother he idolized marry the woman he loved.
But they’d never set a wedding date, and Rabb had begun to hope it would never happen.
Two years ago, he’d volunteered to build a gazebo for a charity raffle, and amazingly, Amanda had purchased the winning ticket. He’d spent far longer working on the gazebo he’d built in her backyard than was necessary. But it had given him the opportunity to get reacquainted with her.
He would never forget the hot summer day she’d come out back with a tray of lemonade and oatmeal-raisin cookies. She’d been wearing one of those summer dresses held up with a couple of skinny straps over the shoulders and sandals that showed off toenails she’d painted pink. Her brown hair was cut in a short bob that made her look more like a teenager than the nearly thirty-year-old woman he knew she was.
“Thought you could use something cold to drink,” she’d said, setting the tray on the unpainted steps of the gazebo.
He’d started to reach for his shirt, but she’d said, “You don’t have to cover up for me. I’ve lost my modesty where the human body is concerned.”
It was a strange thing to say, but he knew that, at the end, she’d taken care of the most intimate duties for her mother. He sat down beside her on the steps, took the glass of lemonade she handed him and drank most of it down. When he lowered the glass, he caught her staring at him.
She blushed and said, “I’m sorry. It’s just that…you look so…healthy.”
“My job keeps me in shape,” he said matter-of-factly.
To his amazement, she reached out a hand and traced the corded muscles from his shoulder, down across his biceps, all the way to his forearm. She seemed totally absorbed in what she was doing, unaware of the response it was eliciting in him.
He waited, keeping himself totally still, wondering when she would realize what she was doing, not wanting her to stop. When she traced a small scar at his wrist, his hand reflexively clenched into a fist.
“Oh,” she said, looking up at him with startled eyes. “I’m sorry.”
He caught her hand before she could flee. “No problem. I liked you touching me.”
“You did?”
“It felt good.”
“Oh,” she said. “I wondered if…I mean as an experiment I wondered if you’d mind if I…”
“What?”
“I’m just curious, you understand.”
“About what?” he asked, his voice harsh with unexpected desire.
“Nothing,” she said, rising abruptly.
He still had hold of her hand and rose with her. “About what?” he persisted.
She looked almost frightened as she gazed into his eyes. “I wondered…” She laid a hand around his nape, drew his head down and kissed him. Her lips were soft and gentle, and he was so surprised that he didn’t respond, although the kiss was electrifying.
She broke the kiss abruptly and stepped back, her blue eyes stark. “Excuse me. I have some papers to grade.”
He’d wanted to hold on to her, and if she’d been engaged to anyone but his brother, he would have. But when she ran, he let her go.
Rabb had never mentioned the kiss. And neither had Amanda.
She’d brought him lemonade and cookies several more times over the summer as he built her gazebo. She even stayed to talk about her work and the books she was reading. She’d made sure their conversations stayed on a friendly footing. But she’d been careful never to touch him again.
Rabb had felt frustrated that he couldn’t tell her how much he admired her. How much he loved her. But she was engaged to his eldest brother.
It seemed odd to him that Jake never seemed to come around much. He’d watched the engaged couple together and realized something shocking. His brother didn’t seem to have an intimate relationship with Amanda. Rabb was grateful, but frustrated. Especially since Jake kept throwing him together with Amanda. Whenever Jake couldn’t escort his fiancée to some event, he would deputize Rabb to take his place. And since Rabb was grateful for every moment he could spend with Amanda, he was happy to oblige.
Over the past two years, it had gotten harder and harder to be a good brother. Especially when he wanted his brother’s woman for his own.
To make matters worse, he wasn’t sure if Jake even loved Amanda. Even now, at a party to celebrate his impending marriage, Jake couldn’t seem to keep his eyes off Hope Butler. That little sex kitten really had her claws into his brother.
Rabb took a breath and let it out. Amanda would never be happy married to a man who didn’t love her. And Jake wouldn’t be happy living with a miserable wife. He owed it to both of them to make his feelings known…before it was too late.
The first problem was how to separate Jake from Amanda so he could talk to his brother. In the end, he decided the direct approach was best. He walked up to the two of them and said, “I need to talk to you, Jake.”
“Can it wait?” Jake said. He smiled at Amanda. “I’m a little busy right now.”
“It’s important,” Rabb said.
Jake turned to Amanda and said, “I’ll be right back,” then released her and followed Rabb.
Rabb led his brother to a deserted corner of the backyard where forsythia bushes had grown out of control.
“What is it?” Jake said impatiently.
“I don’t think you should marry Amanda Carter.”
Jake frowned. It was a look that would’ve cowed Rabb a few years ago, but he couldn’t afford to be daunted by his older brother’s displeasure. This was too important.
“You don’t love her,” Rabb said bluntly.
“How I feel about Amanda is none of your business,” Jake retorted.
“I’m making it my business.”
Jake’s blue eyes narrowed. “Did Amanda say something to you about us?”
“No, but—”
“Then how is my relationship with her any of your business?” Jake demanded.
“Do you love Amanda even a little?” Rabb asked. “Tell me you love her, and I’ll back off.”
Jake’s eyes narrowed even more. “I already told you—”
“You don’t love her,” Rabb accused. “Do you? That Butler girl has her claws in you so tight, you can’t see anything but those big brown eyes of hers and that knockout body.”
“Keep Hope out of this. And keep your voice down,” Jake said, shooting a glance at the gathered friends and family who were just out of earshot.
“Hope Butler is very much a part of this,” Rabb said in a low, urgent voice. “Because I think you’re in love with her.”
“How I feel about Hope is none of your business, either,” Jake said heatedly.
“You have to break off this engagement, Jake. You have to set Amanda free.”
“You know I can’t do that,” Jake said. “I proposed to Amanda, and unless she calls it off, I intend to go through with the wedding. Because she’ll make a damned fine wife!”
“You are the most stubborn, bullheaded—”
“If you’re done—”
“I’m not done,” Rabb said, grabbing at Jake’s shoulder to keep him from walking away. “If that sexpot Hope Butler wasn’t wagging her tail—”
Rabb never got to finish his sentence, because Jake swung a fist at his chin. He reacted quickly enough that the blow only grazed him, but even that was enough to knock him off his feet. Rabb lay on the ground staring up at his stunned brother.
“Damn it, Rabb. I’m sorry,” Jake said. “I don’t know—”
Rabb avoided the hand his brother offered and quickly got back on his feet. “I know exactly what’s wrong with you. You’re in love up to your eyeballs with Hope Butler, and you’re marrying Amanda Carter out of some misplaced sense of honor. You’re not doing either one of them any favors.”
“Hope’s too young for me,” Jake said bleakly.
“Yeah, I know. And because Amanda’s the right age you’re going to marry her and live miserably ever after. I’m giving you fair warning that I intend to do everything in my power to stop this wedding.”
“Amanda loves me, Rabb. I don’t want to see her hurt.”
Rabb was taken aback by Jake’s statement, because it was something he feared might very well be true. “Maybe she does. And maybe she doesn’t know her own mind.”
They were both distracted by a commotion in the gazebo.
“What the hell?” Jake muttered.
Hope screamed.
Rabb was left standing by himself as Jake raced to the rescue.
Rabb quickly followed after him, but while Jake’s attention was focused on Hope and the cowboy whose arms were wrapped tightly around her, Rabb had eyes only for Amanda.
She looked distressed as Jake marched up the steps of the gazebo and yanked Hope free of the cowboy’s drunken embrace. When the man took a swing at him, Jake ducked, then planted his powerful fist in the cowboy’s solar plexus.
The man stumbled backward, then went crashing through the delicate lattice that formed one of the five sides of the gazebo. That would have been bad enough, but as the drunken cowboy stumbled, he careened into another guest, who windmilled helplessly before smashing backward through another one of the fragile walls.
“Oh, no!” Amanda cried.
Rabb was beside her an instant later. “It’s all right, Amanda,” he said. “I can fix it.”
“I don’t care about the gazebo,” she shot back. And then realizing who was standing beside her amended, “Well, of course I do, but…”
He followed her gaze to the gazebo and saw what was really troubling her. Jake was gripping Hope Butler tightly by the arm, dragging her out of the gazebo behind him and hauling her toward the house.
“That poor girl,” Amanda said, staring after them. “I’d better go see what I can do to help.”
For a moment Rabb was tempted to let her follow his brother, because he had a pretty good idea of what was going to happen when Jake got Hope alone. But he didn’t want Amanda hurt any more than necessary. Which meant he had to distract her long enough for Jake to finish his “talk” with Hope.
“Wait,” he said, setting a hand on her shoulder. “Jake can handle Hope.” Which was probably the biggest lie he’d told in a good long while. “You’d better see to your guests,” he said, pointing toward the disaster in and around the gazebo.
She glanced once more toward the house, where Jake and Hope had disappeared, then turned back to the gazebo. “You’re right. I’d better see what I can do to smooth things over.”
Rabb went with her, to make sure the drunken cowboy didn’t repeat whatever insult had created havoc with Hope in the first place. He found Hope’s twin Faith standing beside the fallen cowboy, her boyfriend Randy at her side.
“I’m so sorry,” Faith was saying. “I swear I thought Hope said she liked you. But maybe it was some other cowboy,” she was explaining.
“You’d better saddle up and move along,” Rabb said as he approached the man.
“No argument from me,” the cowboy muttered as Faith’s boyfriend helped him to his feet.
The other guest who’d fallen turned out to be Amanda’s principal, Mr. Denton. And his arm was broken.
“I’m so sorry,” Amanda said as she stared helplessly at the older man.
“Aw, hell,” Denton said as Rabb helped him to his feet. “I’ve been hurt worse. But this is going to make it a little harder to put together some of the Christmas presents I bought the kids—bicycles, baby carriages and the like.”
“I can help you with that,” Rabb volunteered.
“I’ll help, too,” Amanda said. “Just let us know when and where to show up.”
“You got it,” Denton said.
Rabb could see Amanda’s hands were trembling as a couple of other teachers escorted Denton toward a car to take him to the hospital. “It wasn’t your fault,” he said. “It could have happened—”
“I should have been watching more carefully,” she said. “I should have kept an eye on—”
“You can’t watch everyone all of the time,” Rabb interrupted.
“My beautiful gazebo,” she said as she stared at the destruction. Her chin was wobbling and tears began to brim in her beautiful blue eyes.
Rabb put an arm around her waist, wanting to comfort. “I can fix it, Amanda. Really, I can.”
She turned her face up to him and said, “Can you? Really?”
He wondered if she was talking about the gazebo…or her relationship with Jake. Amanda Carter was no dummy. She must have some inkling of what was going on between Jake and Hope. But if she did, why didn’t she call off the wedding herself?
A moment later, Amanda had her face pressed against his shirtfront, sobbing.
“I’ll start tomorrow,” he promised her. And be at her back door every day for the next two weeks, he promised himself. He enfolded her in his arms, rocking her and murmuring soothing words, his eyes warning the guests not to make anything of it. He was merely deputizing for his brother.
But where the hell was Jake? Why hadn’t he come back to comfort his fiancée?
CHAPTER TWO
HOPE
HOPE HAD BEEN TRYING ALL afternoon to get Jake’s attention. Now she had it. But after knocking down the cowboy who’d been bothering her, Jake’s blue eyes were cold, his granite features set in angry lines.
“I saw this coming from the moment you set foot in Amanda’s backyard,” he said as he grabbed her arm and hauled her out of Miss Carter’s gazebo—or what was left of it. Two of the five sides were lying splintered on the ground, a result of the brief fracas between Jake and the young cowboy who’d gotten drunk enough to lay a hand on Hope in a place where it didn’t belong.
Hope spared one glance for the cowboy, who lay groaning on the ground, before Jake’s implacable grip propelled her toward Miss Carter’s kitchen. This confrontation had been coming all afternoon, and she welcomed it. At least Jake would be forced to talk to her.
When they got to the kitchen, it was full of women, so Jake nodded curtly and kept moving. Down a narrow hallway. Through the parlor.
Up the creaking wooden stairs. Down another hallway. And into a bedroom that obviously belonged to Miss Carter.
The baby-pink bedspread was girlish, but that was the extent of the frivolity in the room. Miss Carter had always been a no-nonsense English teacher. Her bedroom gave proof that there hadn’t been much fun in her life.
A shepherdess figurine with a broken arm sat on the dresser, along with what appeared to be a plain wooden jewelry box. An iron lamp and a paperback book—a horror novel by Stephen King—rested on the bedside table. A painted green kitchen chair occupied the corner. A worn pink bathroom rug was all that stood between Miss Carter and the wooden floor on a cold morning.
Hope felt her heart sinking. If Jake knew where Miss Carter’s bedroom was, that probably meant he’d been here before. Which only made sense. After all, he and Miss Carter had been engaged for three years. It would have taken a miracle for Miss Carter to put Jake off that long. Hope hadn’t been able to resist his charms for three seconds.
Jake thrust her inside the room and shut the door, then leaned back against it with his arms crossed, his eyes narrowed on her. “Well, young lady, what do you have to say for yourself?”
Hope firmly believed that you didn’t get what you didn’t ask for. She’d been the one to pursue Jake all along. Nothing had changed in three years, but her gut still clenched as she said, “I love you, Jake. And I think we belong together.”
Jake sucked in a breath, and a muscle flexed in his jaw. She waited breathlessly for him to respond to her declaration, but his lips remained pressed flat in disapproval.
Which left her no choice but to act.
She closed the distance between them—two short steps—and stood with her breasts almost touching his crossed arms. He was a great deal taller than she was, but Hope refused to be intimidated by his size—or the forbidding look on his face. She glanced up at him from beneath dark, fringed lashes and said, “You love me, too, Jake. Admit it.”
That statement demanded an answer, and Jake didn’t disappoint her. “Damn you, Hope. Give it up.”
“Never.” Her chest felt like it was bound by an iron band, and she was having trouble breathing. She hadn’t been this close to Jake since she’d gone away to college, but her feelings hadn’t changed in the intervening years. She needed some proof that his hadn’t either.
Three years ago, when she’d cornered him in her father’s barn, the sexual sparks had flown. He’d gotten himself engaged to Miss Carter so quickly afterward, that she figured he must have done it to keep himself safe from temptation.
Her heart was pounding furiously with excitement—and with fear. What if he went through with the wedding? What if she couldn’t make him see what she’d known since the first moment she’d laid eyes on him?
“It’s destiny, Jake. We’re two halves of one perfect whole. We’re—”
“Cut the crap,” he said harshly.
Hope heard the revealing gurgle as she swallowed back the threatening tears. She laid her hands flat on Jake’s chest above his folded arms, undaunted by his rigid posture, and felt him inhale sharply. He wasn’t as unaffected as he wanted her to think.
“All right, if you don’t want romance, think of the practical ways I’d be a helpmate if you married me.”
Jake snorted.
“I have a degree in computer science with a minor in business. For a start, I’d be able to do the bookkeeping on the ranch.”
“I have an accountant who does that for me.”
“But you wouldn’t have to pay me,” Hope said with a smile meant to charm. It didn’t seem to be working, so she added, “And I’m very good with kids.”
“That’s because you’re a kid yourself,” he retorted.
“I’ve seen a great deal of the world,” she continued doggedly, “and I can tell you, Jake, there’s no place like home. I’d never leave you like…” Hope broke off as she saw the muscle flex again in his cheek. No sense bringing up memories of his previous failed marriage.
She knew Jake’s experience with a wife who wasn’t satisfied to live on an isolated northwest Texas ranch was part of the reason he didn’t trust his feelings for her. Once before he’d succumbed to the charms of a younger woman, and she’d left him high and dry. “I’m not like her,” Hope said softly.
“You’re exactly like her,” he accused. “Young and flighty and—”
“That’s not fair,” she said, her hands sliding down and clutching his folded arms. “There’s nothing ‘flighty’ about me. I’m dependable and hardworking and loyal—”
“And too damned young for me.”
She let the tips of her breasts graze his forearm and felt his whole body stiffen. “Maybe three years ago I was,” she conceded. “Not anymore. I’m twenty-one, a college graduate, a world traveler, a—”
“Baby!” he spat. “You’re a goddamn babe in the woods. How many men have you slept with, Hope?”
Hope blushed a rosy red, but she didn’t retreat. “I don’t want any man but you. I’ve never wanted any man but you. I’m a virgin, Jake, and I will be until you—”
“Shut up, Hope.” The muscles in his forearms had turned to stone. “Shut the hell up.” She could feel him withdrawing as her arms slid up his rock-hard chest toward his nape, but with his back to the door, there was nowhere for him to go. His eyes locked on hers, hot and hungry.
Suddenly, their positions were reversed. Jake had her by the shoulders, his body imprisoning hers against the door, and she could feel the hard male ridge against her abdomen that put a lie to all his protests. She saw the struggle in his eyes, felt the tautness in his body.
“I’m not going to do this,” he said.
“Then I will,” she said as she leaned forward and pressed her lips against his.
For a moment, he resisted her. For a fraction of a second, she thought all was lost. She softened her mouth against his, sliding the tip of her tongue along the crease of his lips.
His whole body quivered. He lifted his head and looked at her, his eyes heavy-lidded. “Aw, hell,” he muttered. His mouth came down on hers, and he took her fast and deep.
She’d forgotten how it felt to be kissed by Jake, like sliding down a fast chute where there was no end in sight. She was on her toes, her body clasped hard against his, and she could feel his heart pounding in his chest. She couldn’t catch her breath, couldn’t catch up, the feelings were so powerful, so overwhelming.
Suddenly, their positions were once more reversed, and she was standing the width of his outstretched arms away.
“You have to stay away from me, Hope.” The anger was back again. And she heard desperation in his gravelly voice.
“I’m going to marry Amanda. And I intend to be a faithful husband. Don’t do this again.”
“What is it I did, Jake?” asked Hope, whose anger matched his. “If you were really in love with Amanda, you would’ve let someone else rush to the rescue when that cowboy got fresh with me. And you wouldn’t have brought me here where we were sure to be alone. You wanted what just happened to happen. Because you l—”
“Don’t say it, because it isn’t true,” he interrupted. “I brought you here because it’s obvious to me—and it must be to anyone who cares to look—that you’ve got some kind of juvenile infatuation for me. It’s embarrassing to be mooned over by someone half my age.”
The insult hurt, as she was sure Jake intended it should. But she didn’t let it discourage her. “You were jealous of that cowboy. Admit it. You don’t want anyone touching me but you.”
“Grow up, Hope,” Jake said. “This childish behavior has to stop.”
“You’re the one who brought me up here, Jake,” she retorted. “You kissed me back.”
She saw the flush rise on his cheekbones. The admission that he wasn’t blameless.
He let her go and leaned his head back against the door, rubbed a hand across his eyes and heaved a sigh. “I came up here hoping we could straighten out this…whatever this is between us. I was hoping you’d see reason.”
“I’m fighting for my whole life, Jake. I’m trying to get you to see that you don’t belong with Miss Carter. You belong with me.”
“This isn’t getting us anywhere.” Jake reached for the doorknob, but Hope’s hand covered his.
“Why can’t you see what’s staring you in the face?” she pleaded.
“I’m engaged to someone else,” he said. “Even if I wanted to change my mind, I couldn’t. I’d never do that to Amanda. She’s waited three years—”
Hope’s eyes had gotten round as she listened to Jake. She could see a tiny crack of light, where before there had been darkness. For the first time, he was talking in terms of changing his mind. “You’re the one who’s been putting off the wedding?” she asked. “Not Miss Carter?”
“It’s been mutual,” Jake said.
“Why has she been putting it off, if I may ask?”
“That’s between her and me.”
“Well, why have you been putting it off?” she persisted.
“That’s none of your business.”
“I think it is,” Hope said. “I think you’ve been waiting for me to grow up,” she said with the beginning of a smile. “I think you’ve been hoping I would come back from all my travels and convince you—”
“That’s enough,” Jake said. “The fact is, Amanda and I have set a wedding date. Nothing’s going to change that now.”
“Lots of people decide not to go through with their weddings,” Hope argued.
“When I make a promise, I keep it,” Jake said.
Hope cocked her head and frowned. “Even if it means being miserable for the rest of your life?”
“Amanda and I are well matched,” he said. “We can be happy together.”
“I notice you’ve never once said you love her,” Hope pointed out.
“My feelings for my fiancée are my business.”
“If you tell me you love her, I’ll go away, Jake. I won’t say another word. I’ll accept the fact that I’ve lost your love to another woman, and I’ll let you go.” Hope’s stomach was turning somersaults. What if he said he loved Miss Carter, just to get rid of her?
Luckily for her, Jake was too honest to lie. “I want you to leave me be, Hope. I want you to keep your distance from me between now and the wedding.”
“Give me one good reason why I should,” she said.
“Because if you love me, you’ll understand how hard this is for me. My word is given. And I’m not going back on it.”
Hope swallowed past the painful knot that had grown in her throat. “You don’t play fair, Jake.”
He didn’t say anything, just looked down at her, a wall behind his blue eyes that shut her out.
“All right, Jake,” she said at last. “I won’t purposely tempt you again.”
She felt some of the tension ease out of him.
“But I’m not going to leave town. I’m not going to hide myself from your sight. I’m going to be right here every day from now until you commit yourself to Miss Carter. And I’m going to hope that between now and then you come to your senses.”
She looked up at him and said, “Open the door, Jake. And let me out.”
He seemed to realize suddenly that he was standing in her way, blocking the exit. He stepped aside, opened the door and held it while she walked from the room, shoulders back, chin up. She could feel the heat of him following her down the stairs. She was aware that he was no longer behind her when she headed into the kitchen. She greeted the women working there with a smile and said, “Need any help?”
“We’re about done,” one of the women said. “Things have pretty much wound down since that rumpus in the gazebo.” The woman glanced over her shoulder narrow-eyed at Jake, who’d appeared in the doorway, and said, “You need a ride home, Hope?”
Hope smiled more brightly, aware of Jake’s presence at her shoulder, and the worried, confused and distrustful looks on the faces of the other women. “I’m riding with Faith and Randy,” she said. “I’ll find them and be on my way.”
She was out of the kitchen and into the backyard a moment later. The sun was setting, and the fenced backyard was nearly deserted. Faith sat on the steps of the wrecked gazebo with Randy beside her. She rose as Hope approached her.
“Are you all right?” Faith asked.
Hope kept the smile pasted on her face for Faith’s sake. Her sister knew far too much about her feelings as it was. “Jake and I had a little talk and ironed things out.”
“Oh?”
Faith had a way of getting her to spill the beans by looking sympathetic. “I agreed to keep my distance,” Hope said.
“Did you, really?”
“Why do you sound so surprised?” Hope said irritably. “He’s engaged to Miss Carter. The wedding is in two weeks.”
“I thought you might have had some luck changing his mind,” Faith said, sliding her prosthetic hand around Hope’s waist. “You can be very convincing.”
The knot was back in Hope’s throat. “He doesn’t love her,” she said fiercely. “But he’s going to marry her anyway.”
“Well,” Faith said. “Maybe he is. And maybe he isn’t.”
Hope frowned. “What is that supposed to mean?”
“There’s many a slip twixt the cup and the lip,” she said. And grinned at Randy.
“What’s going on?” Hope said, glancing from Faith to Randy and back again.
“Faith doesn’t want you to give up,” Randy said. “Isn’t that right, Faith?”
“Right,” Faith said. “If you love Jake, you have to keep fighting for him. No matter what.”
“I told him I’d keep my distance,” Hope said.
“How much distance was it you promised him?” Faith asked.
Hope made a disgusted sound. “We didn’t measure—”
“Do you love him, Hope?” Faith interrupted.
“That’s a dumb question.”
“Do you love him?” she asked again.
“Yes.”
“Then keep fighting for him. Put yourself in his way. Keep your distance, but keep him thinking about you.”
Hope hugged her sister. “Have I told you lately what a great sister you are?”
“Nope. But you can sing my praises while Randy drives us home.”
Hope sat, crowded into the front seat of Randy’s pickup, thinking and thinking and thinking all the way home. Jake needed to see how she could fit comfortably into his life. He needed to see what a good partner she would be. And there was only one way to prove herself to him. By being there. The only question was, how could she get herself invited to spend time at Jake’s ranch?
AMANDA COULDN’T BELIEVE HER party had ended in such disaster. She’d watched Jake flatten the cowboy bothering Hope Butler, then stood mouth agape as he hauled Hope off into her house without a second thought for how it would look to their friends. It had been left to her to excuse Jake’s behavior and say good-bye to their guests.
“Amanda, are you all right?”
She turned to find Rabb Whitelaw at her elbow. “I’m fine,” she said, pasting a bright smile on her face.
Ever since Rabb had built the gazebo in her backyard she’d felt self-conscious around him. She didn’t understand her attraction to him. She only knew it was there.
Maybe it was the fact he’d worked all those weeks with his shirt off. She’d wanted to touch his broad shoulders, his bronzed flesh. She’d attributed her attraction to the fact he was so obviously healthy, when she’d spent so many years nursing her mother’s frail form.
She’d been drawn outside again and again to spend time with him, using the excuse of offering lemonade or iced tea on a hot day. And she’d stayed to talk, admiring his strong hands at work, creating something lasting and beautiful.
She realized she was staring at his hands and wondered now, as she had then, what they would feel like on her skin. She felt a frisson of excitement and flushed as she realized what she was doing. Flustered, she said, “Did you enjoy the party?”
She looked into his hazel eyes and was glad to see they revealed no awareness of her wayward thoughts. He was Jake’s brother, for heaven’s sake!
Rabb eyed the gazebo and said, “I’ll be over tomorrow to start fixing that up for you.”
Amanda felt the tears welling as she wandered into the ruined gazebo.
“Watch out!” Rabb caught her arm to hold her in place as he removed a jagged piece of lattice that had caught on her skirt.
He saw the tears and said, “Are you hurt?”
“No.” But she was hurting.
A moment later he had her in his arms. “You’re all right, Amanda. You’re fine,” he crooned.
Amanda sobbed against his shoulder. She hadn’t even cried like this when she’d buried her mother. She had nothing to cry about. Her life was almost perfect. She’d loved her mother, but it had been a relief after eleven years of illness when she finally passed away quietly in the night. Amanda had been eighteen when her mother became ill. She was thirty-two and only now discovering the wonders of pursuing interests of her own.
Was it any wonder she hadn’t wanted to rush into a marriage three years ago where she would have had all the responsibility of caring for a husband? She’d been flattered by Jake’s attention, delighted by the prospect of having a boyfriend, looked forward to dating him and discovering the pleasures to be enjoyed by two consenting adults.
Only that hadn’t turned out quite like she’d thought it would, either.
“Are you okay?” Rabb asked.
He was smoothing her short-cropped brown hair with his hand. It was a comforting gesture; there was nothing sexual about it. Nonetheless, it felt sensual.
Maybe that had something to do with the way her body was pressed against his from shoulders to thighs. She had no idea how her hands had ended up around his neck. Suddenly she disengaged herself and stood back.
“Thank you,” she said. She felt awkward again, when there was no reason for it. Rabb was Jake’s brother. And a friend.
“Jake doesn’t suffer fools gladly,” Rabb said.
“I know,” Amanda said, managing a wobbling smile. “I don’t know as much as I’d like to about him, but I do know that.”
“And he has a soft spot for Hope Butler,” Rabb said.
“It seems so.” She was engaged to a man she admired, and soon they would be married. But there were issues they hadn’t discussed.
One of them was Hope.
Even a blind man could see the girl was infatuated with Jake. Oh, he’d pointedly ignored her all afternoon. Until that cowboy had flirted a little too much and Jake had jumped in to save her. So maybe he hadn’t been quite as unaware of Hope as he’d pretended. What did that mean? Anything?
Amanda felt tears stinging her nose again. If only Jake hadn’t ruined her beautiful gazebo. She loved that silly, impractical structure. She’d planted morning glories all around, and they’d grown through the lattice, creating a cool, sweet-smelling haven when she’d wanted to be alone to think. Now lattice and greenery alike had been ravaged by the fight between her fiancé and one of his drunken hired hands over another woman.
Another woman. She found it hard to think of Hope Butler as a woman. She’d taught Hope in high school, and Amanda still remembered chastising the girl for being late to class, for popping bubble gum, for a dozen other infractions, none of which had kept Hope from getting an A in her class. Hope was smart and she did her work.
The Hope Butler who’d turned up today was trying to look and act like someone much older. And not doing it well.
Amanda surveyed her gazebo and sighed. “I think I’ll take you up on that offer, Rabb. That is, if you let me pay you.”
“There’ll be no charge.”
“I can’t let you do that,” she protested.
“Then I’ll take it out in trade.”
She raised an eyebrow and he continued. “I’ll come by after church tomorrow, and you can make me lunch.”
Amanda smiled. “Done. I’m a good cook. What would you like to have?”
“Meat loaf and mashed potatoes.”
At that moment, Jake appeared at her shoulder, and she realized she was making plans to have a single man other than her fiancé over for supper. His brother, no less.
“Uh, Jake, would you like to join Rabb and me for supper tomorrow?”
“I promised my brother Colt and his wife that I’d take care of their two kids for the next two weeks, while they take a vacation. It’s the last chance they’ll have to be alone before their third child is born. You two want to come over and join me?” Jake asked.
“No,” Amanda said quickly. She was afraid she’d said it too quickly. She didn’t want Jake thinking she didn’t enjoy his company. It was the kids she wanted to avoid. The same aversion to responsibility that had kept her from committing herself to a husband, had also made her leery of kids. She’d had enough of caretaking to last her a lifetime.
Maybe someday she would want children of her own, but she’d spent too many years changing diapers for her mother to want that kind of obligation again anytime soon. She’d loved her mother and, given the choice again, she would make the same sacrifice. But she wouldn’t have been human if there hadn’t been days when she resented the restrictions her mother’s illness had placed on her life.
Now that she could make a choice, was it any wonder she wanted her life to stay as carefree as possible? Was it so wrong to want to make up for those long years when freedom had been impossible?
“If you don’t mind,” she said. “I’d really like to get my gazebo repaired as soon as possible.”
“I’d offer to fix it for you,” Jake said, “but I know Rabb’s a better carpenter.”
The two men exchanged a look that Amanda couldn’t decipher.
“When will we see each other again?” Amanda asked Jake.
“As a matter of fact, I’d like some time alone with you now, if that’s all right,” Jake said.
The two men exchanged another look that Amanda found equally perplexing, before Rabb turned to her and said, “I’ll see you tomorrow, Amanda.”
“Thanks, Rabb. See you then.”
A moment later he was gone, and she was alone with Jake.
It was ridiculous to feel awkward being alone with her fiancé. They were getting married in two weeks. Jake would be entitled to all sorts of intimacies then. As would she.
Amanda looked at Jake, wondering what it would feel like to have his hands on her naked flesh. It was as though her thoughts had conjured action. Because Jake took a step and drew her into his embrace.
She barely managed to keep herself from stiffening as she felt his hips pressing against hers. Even so, she pushed at his shoulders and leaned back enough to look into his eyes.
“What happened today?” she asked.
He averted his gaze. “He was my hired hand. It was my responsibility to keep him in line.”
“Hmm.” She raised a hand to brush at a lock of black hair that had fallen over his forehead. “What about that trip upstairs with Hope? Is it your job to keep her in line, too?”
He brought his gaze back to bear on her, and she felt her heart clench at the tortured look in his eyes.
“That girl gets under my skin,” he admitted. “She’s a nuisance. That’s all. She’s promised to keep her distance from now on.”
“Until the wedding? Or afterward, too?”
He lifted a brow. “Are you jealous of her? You don’t need to be. You’re the one I’m marrying.”
Amanda felt doubt niggling at her, but she wasn’t sure how far she wanted to push Jake. He’d never said he loved her. But she’d never said the words to him, either. It had just been…understood.
“Kiss me, Jake,” she said. Make me feel loved. Reassure me that we’re doing the right thing.
His mouth came down on hers an instant later, hard and demanding. His hand rose to cup her breast, but she pressed herself harder against him, making it difficult for him to touch her. His hand slid down between them, across her abdomen, and her body tensed as she waited for his touch.
Before he reached his destination, she shoved hard at his chest and broke free. They were both breathing hard. His eyes glittered with…desperation.
Amanda shuddered. “Oh, God,” she said. “What are we doing?”
She stared at Jake, waiting for an answer.
“I thought you wanted this. I thought you wanted us to make love. You’ve put it off all this time. I thought you were finally ready.”
She shook her head. “No.” Another breath shuddered out of her. “Not like this.”
“Like what?” he said.
She searched his face, finding it devoid of any emotion. His eyes were shuttered, his features remote. “Do you love me, Jake?”
She was startled by the question. Strangely, she’d never asked it before. And she wasn’t sure she wanted to hear the answer.
“I respect you. I admire you. I think you’ll make a good wife.”
She smiled sadly. “I see.” She waited for him to inquire about her feelings for him. She wasn’t sure what she would have said. But he never asked.
He was a very attractive man. He’d proved he could be faithful to a wife, even though his wife had left him in the end. He was a successful cattle rancher, well-respected in the community. He had a large and loving family. He was perfect husband material.
Amanda just couldn’t seem to embrace the physical part of their relationship. She’d liked his kisses…at first. And aside from one disastrous incident a year ago, he’d never pressed her for more. But she couldn’t seem to get past the barriers that had grown over the three years they’d been engaged.
“I wish I had more experience,” she said lamely. She had slept with only one boy, although slept was the wrong word. Her one experience with sex had been quick and unsatisfying and she’d never wanted to repeat it. She wondered if Jake suspected how naive she was. She’d been putting off the moment when she shared her body with him, telling herself that it was better—for a lot of reasons—to save intimacy for marriage.
But what if she found out after they were married that Jake’s kisses were just as threatening to her peace of mind as they were now?
“I want to have sex…make love…with you, Jake. I just…”
“You don’t have to apologize. I was out of line.”
“No,” she said. “Your touches, your caresses, should be acceptable to—” She stopped herself, realizing that she was admitting that his touches, his caresses, were not in fact acceptable to her. She brushed her bangs out of her eyes and looked up at him unhappily. “Are we making a mistake, Jake?”
“I’m no less committed now than the day I asked you to marry me,” he said.
Amanda made a face. “But are we right for each other? Will we be able to live happily ever after?”
Jake rubbed a hand across his nape. “I don’t know,” he said. “What makes a successful marriage? I married for love the first time around and look what happened. You have all the qualities I want in a wife. You must think I’d make a good husband, or you wouldn’t have accepted my proposal. There’s no reason why we shouldn’t be happy together.”
And yet, Amanda thought, she hadn’t yet shared her body with him. Shouldn’t there be some passion between a married couple? Wasn’t that necessary for happiness?
She made herself close the distance between them and tugged on his shirt collar until he lowered his head for her kiss. She opened her mouth slightly, letting her lips rub damply across his, wanting gentleness, wanting…love.
The response she got was satisfyingly carnal. But there was no tenderness. No…love.
She broke the kiss quickly, before he could touch her again. “It’s been a long day,” she said. “I’m really tired.”
“Can I come in with you?” Jake asked.
She knew what he was asking. Was she going to make him wait until their wedding night to consummate this relationship? Was she going to allow this awkwardness to continue between them until the moment she walked down the aisle? Was she ready for a physical relationship with the man who would be her husband in two weeks?
He smiled, his hand gently caressing her cheek and said, “You know, we’re going to have to make it to bed together sometime if we want kids.”
“I don’t want children,” Amanda blurted.
There was no mistaking the shocked look on Jake’s face. His hand dropped away and he said, “Not ever?”
“Not for a while, anyway.”
“How long is a while?” Jake said. “I’m thirty-nine, Amanda. I was hoping to have kids right away, so I’ll be around to enjoy them when they’re grown.”
“I want to wait a few years,” she said. “I want some time to enjoy being a wife before I have to become a mother.” She wanted more freedom. There had been too little of it in her life.
“I can’t believe we never discussed this,” Jake said. “I just assumed…”
“I’m sorry if I’ve surprised you. Does it make a difference?”
“It does to me,” Jake admitted. “Children were a big part of the reason I finally pushed for the wedding. I want to get started on a family.”
Amanda felt a cold dread growing inside her. “I don’t think—”
He pulled her into his arms and rocked her. “Let’s not throw the baby out with the bathwater,” he said. “We’ve got a lot of other things going for us. A year or two isn’t going to make that much of a difference.”
Amanda opened her mouth to say she was thinking more like five or six years, but clamped it shut again. Maybe she would change her mind once she was married. Maybe marriage to Jake wouldn’t be the burden she’d been fearing the past few years. Maybe everything would be all right after all.
“Do you still want to get married?” she asked.
“Do you?” he replied.
“I do if you do,” she said.
“Then in two weeks, we’ll be husband and wife,” Jake said as he dropped a kiss on her forehead.
Amanda shivered.
“The sun’s gone,” he said. “You’re cold. You’d better get inside.”
“All right,” she said, stepping back from his embrace.
But she wasn’t cold. Except maybe deep inside, where she didn’t think she would ever be warm. “Good night, Jake,” she said.
“Get some rest,” he urged. “I’ll make some time to see you later this week.”
Then he was gone. And she was alone in her backyard, wondering if she was about to make a terrible mistake.
CHAPTER THREE
FAITH
“THANK YOU, FAITH,” AMANDA SAID as she finished washing the last of the potluck casserole dishes left over from the party and handed it to Faith to dry. “I really appreciate you coming by this morning to help me clean up after the party.”
“It’s my pleasure, Miss Carter. It’s too bad your gazebo got smashed to smithereens,” she said as she stared out the kitchen window. “Cleaning that up is going to take a saw and a wheelbarrow.”
“Not to worry,” Amanda said. “Rabb Whitelaw’s coming over after church to put it back together. Which reminds me, I’d better get a start on his meat loaf and mashed potatoes.”
Faith’s dark eyes went wide. “Rabb Whitelaw’s coming here for lunch?”
Amanda smiled. “It was the only payment he would accept for fixing my gazebo.”
“He really is a nice man, isn’t he, Miss Carter?” Faith said. “And handsome, too.”
“Yes, he is nice,” Amanda agreed. She smiled, remembering how sympathetic Rabb’s hazel eyes had looked, how the last rays of sun had burnished his chestnut hair. How firm and muscular his chest had felt as he held her. “And, yes, I suppose he is handsome,” she murmured.
She glanced at Faith speculatively. Was the young girl interested in Rabb? “I thought you and Randy were an item.”
“We are,” Faith said. “That doesn’t mean I can’t notice when a man is good-looking. Not that I’d do anything about it. No one could ever replace Randy. I guess you must feel the same way about Jake,” she said. “Like he’s the only man in the world you could ever imagine yourself spending the rest of your life with.”
“Hmm,” Amanda said. The problem was, she was having a difficult time imagining her life with Jake. Especially now that she knew for sure he wanted children right away. How were they going to resolve that dilemma?
“I’d be glad to help you peel potatoes,” Faith said.
Amanda always marveled at how well Faith got by with a hand and a hook. “Thanks, Faith, but I can manage.”
Faith folded the dish towel and hung it on the refrigerator door handle. “Well, if that’s everything, I’ll be on my way.”
A moment later she was out the door. As Amanda watched her cross the backyard, she marveled at how different Faith was from Hope. It was difficult to believe the two were identical twins. Or almost identical. There was that missing hand that made them different.
When Amanda had first met the two girls, Faith had been a shadow of her sister, always walking behind her, her arm with the missing hand concealed behind her back. Amanda had soon realized that Hope’s outrageous behavior was a decoy to keep people from noticing that other significant physical difference between the twins. She’d admired the fact that Hope was so fiercely protective of her quieter, shyer sister.
Amanda wasn’t sure when she’d first noticed Hope’s unfortunate attraction to Jake, but she’d been glad when Hope headed off to Baylor, and had been incredibly relieved when Hope had spent the past two summers traveling. Not that she’d ever considered Hope a serious rival for Jake’s affections. Hope was simply too young for Jake.
Or she had been.
Amanda frowned. Hope was no longer a child, and there was nothing subtle about her current pursuit of Jake. The young woman had made it clear by word and deed that she was in love with Jake. Which was something Amanda had never done.
And Jake wasn’t immune to Hope’s adoration. She’d seen how his eyes followed the girl yesterday, though he’d done nothing to encourage her. What were Jake’s feelings for Hope? Was he in love with her? Was she keeping two people apart who ought to be together?
But Amanda had given Jake a chance to back out of their engagement, and he hadn’t taken it. She had to conclude that he didn’t want out. Amanda found comfort in the fact that when push came to shove, he’d chosen her over Hope.
The knock on the back door startled her. She crossed and opened it to find Rabb. It was two weeks until Christmas, but Rabb was wearing clothes more suited to summer. She supposed the unseasonably warm weather justified his attire, but she nevertheless found it disconcerting.
His T-shirt had the sleeves torn out to reveal muscular arms and dark underarm hair, and his raggedy jeans gave taunting glimpses of the white briefs he was wearing. A leather tool belt hung heavy and substantial around his lean waist. She wasn’t aware she was holding her breath until she tried to find the air to greet him and it wasn’t there.
“Hi,” he said with a smile that made her feel warm inside. “Thought I’d let you know I’m going to be making some noise out here.”
She managed a smile, gasped for some air and said, “Let me get lunch on the stove, and I’ll come out and join you.”
He gave her a mock salute and said, “Yes, ma’am,” then turned and headed back toward the gazebo.
She stood at the door, only belatedly realizing that she was ogling the fit of his jeans as he walked away. She quickly closed the door, but the damage was done.
What was this fascination she had with Jake’s brother? She’d felt the same inclination to reach out and touch him when he’d built her gazebo two summers ago. She couldn’t possibly really be interested in him. She had a recollection of Rabb not being a very good student when they’d been in school together. She wanted someone she could talk with, someone intelligent and perceptive. That wasn’t the impression she had of Rabb Whitelaw. Good looks simply weren’t enough.
Suddenly she realized that her hands were trembling. She shook them, made a grrrr sound in her throat and yanked open the drawer that contained the potato peeler. She was a woman engaged to be married—to Rabb’s brother! The sooner she stopped letting her hormones control her head, the better.
Amanda took her time peeling potatoes and putting them on to boil and preparing the meat loaf. When she glanced out the kitchen window—she was just curious how repairs on her gazebo were coming along—she saw the flex and play of sinew and bone as Rabb physically manhandled the broken wood frame.
She forced her gaze from the window, got out a can of creamed corn and stuck it in a pot, then put some frozen string beans in a microwave dish. She pulled out some Jell-O salad left over from the party, then set the table for two.
By the time she’d finished, the potatoes were done. She mashed them with milk and butter, then set them on the stove where they’d stay warm. And realized there was nothing else to keep her from joining Rabb outside.
Had she been dawdling? Had she been delaying the moment? And if so, why? He was simply a nice guy doing her a favor. All right, an attractive nice guy doing her a favor.
Amanda paused on the back porch and stared at Rabb. He was intent on his work, completely unconscious of her, and she indulged her desire to look. His T-shirt was gone; bare to the waist, he was a delight for the eyes.
A fine sheen of sweat caused his tanned body to glisten in the sun, and it was hard to ignore the broad shoulders that tapered to a lean waist. She tried to remember if she’d ever seen Jake like this. If she had, it hadn’t left a similar impression—of youth and strength and, well, the word that came to mind was beauty.
It was the wrong word for a man, but even with her vast vocabulary, she couldn’t think of a better one.
Amanda backed away. She didn’t want to be tempted physically by a man other than her fiancé. But Rabb turned and saw her and smiled, and the choice was taken out of her hands.
“Ready to go to work?” he said.
She walked toward him, aware she was smiling back at him and again feeling that warmth inside. “What do you want me to do?”
“I’m trying to save your morning glories,” he said.
“Oh, thank you.”
“Come here,” he said, holding out a piece of lattice intertwined with greenery. “See if you can unwind some of these vines.”
She was close enough to smell the scent of hardworking man. Surprisingly, it wasn’t at all unpleasant. She was wearing a long-sleeved Oxford cloth shirt, and it wasn’t long before she felt too warm.
“Just a minute,” she said. She started to unbutton the sleeve of her white shirt and realized her hands were stained green. She considered wiping them on her khaki slacks, but the trousers were also clean, with a neat crease down the front. She made a face and reached for the button on her sleeve.
“Here, let me,” Rabb volunteered. He dropped the lattice, swiped his hands on his jeans and reached out to unbutton her right sleeve. He folded it up a couple of times and said, “How’s that?”
“Fine,” she murmured self-consciously. There was something intimate about having a man unbutton your clothes, even when it was something as innocent as a sleeve.
A moment later, he’d finished with the other sleeve. She took a deep breath of relief and looked up at him.
Amanda knew as soon as their eyes met that she’d made a mistake. Because he was looking back at her as though he had her in a bedroom alone, and he was just getting started. She’d never really looked closely at his eyes, but now she noticed they were golden with a dark edge surrounding the iris that made his gaze look intense, almost dangerous.
Leonine. Yes, that was the right word. Like a lion.
She was still staring up at him, breathless, a little frightened, when he smiled and said, “Here’s the real problem.”
Before she could protest, he’d reached for the buttons at her throat. He undid three of them and tugged the shirt wide. It fell open to reveal the edge of lace at the top of her bra.
She glanced down and flushed. And grabbed the edges of cloth and pulled them back together.
“Don’t,” he murmured. He freed her hands, which fell to her sides, and rearranged the cloth, opening it wide again.
Her eyes stayed on the toes of her sensible penny loafers.
He lifted her chin with a finger, forcing her gaze up to his. “I’ve been wanting to do that ever since I showed up at your door. You shouldn’t be all buttoned up, Mandy. You need to let go a little.”
She hadn’t heard that nickname since high school. It brought back memories of more carefree days that were long gone. She was a grown-up now. She was a responsible woman.
“It’s hard to reverse the habits of a lifetime,” she said, her fingers itching to rebutton her shirt. She reached up again, feeling much too exposed.
“Don’t,” he repeated quietly, taking her hands in his, tugging them away from the crumpled cloth.
His hands were warm and strong, and Amanda could feel the calluses on the pads of his fingers. Abruptly, he let her go and took a step back. “We’d better get back to work.” He turned his back on her and picked up a piece of lattice and held it out to her.
Amanda resumed the chore he’d given her, wondering how she was going to make it through the rest of the afternoon. How awkward. How mortifying. How utterly—
“Penny for your thoughts,” Rabb said.
She glanced up and saw he was grinning. “What’s so funny?” she asked irritably.
“You are,” he said. “You’d think I’d stripped you down to your bra and panties.”
Her face caught fire. Because she had been imagining what that would be like.
“When was the last time you did something rash and impulsive?” he asked.
“I don’t know what you mean,” Amanda said stiffly.
Rabb dumped the broken piece of lattice in a nearby wheelbarrow and said, “I’m hungry. How about you?”
The sudden change of subject caught her off guard. “Hungry?”
“You promised me lunch. Let’s go eat,” Rabb said, grabbing her hand and heading for the kitchen door.
“What about the gazebo?” she said, glancing back at the carnage.
“It’ll wait. We have more important things to do.”
“Like what?” Amanda said.
“Eating first,” Rabb said. “Then…I haven’t made up my mind yet, but something…whimsical.”
She glanced at him sideways. “You’re making fun of me.”
“Not at all,” he countered as he opened the screen door and ushered her inside ahead of him.
She’d never realized how small her kitchen was, but there didn’t seem to be room for the two of them. She was aware of Rabb’s size, and the smell of raw male, and the fact that he was a very attractive man.
He caught her eyeing him and said, “I should get my shirt.”
She was flustered and said, “Only if you’re uncomfortable.”
“I’m fine,” he said. “But my mother wouldn’t have let any of us boys come to the table like this. I’ll be right back.”
An instant later he was out the door again, and she took a deep breath trying to calm her nerves. What was wrong with her? This was Rabb. Jake’s brother. Who couldn’t read.
He was back a second later wearing the scrap of T-shirt, but it wasn’t much of an improvement. She could still see too much of him. And liked what she saw too much.
She’d had Jake over to dinner a number of times, but he’d always sat quietly and let her put food on the table. Rabb was into everything, leaning against her as he reached up for the glasses for tea and stretching around her as he got ice cubes from the freezer. He even held her chair for her, insisting that she sit before him.
Talk about siblings who were different from one another. Jake was the strong, silent type. Rabb never stopped talking.
“I’ve been working on some new designs for the furniture I’m building,” he said. “More baroque.”
“Baroque?” she blurted. She hadn’t thought of Rabb as an artist, or as someone who understood artistic styles.
“Most of what I’ve done in the past has been plain and practical, simple lines. But I got started adding a little of this and a little of that and before I knew it, this particular bedroom suite started looking like something out of the seventeenth century.”
“Hmm,” she said, because she didn’t know what to say.
“What’s your preference, artistically speaking?” he said.
She took a bite of meat loaf and pointed, showing she couldn’t speak because her mouth was full.
“I prefer the French modes to the Italian,” he said. “The lines are—”
Amanda quickly swallowed and said, “Where did you learn all this? I mean, this all sounds pretty complicated and…sophisticated.”
Rabb shrugged. “I was never any good at reading.” He paused and said, as though he were admitting to a sexually transmitted disease, “Dyslexic.”
“Oh. I didn’t know.” Dyslexics weren’t any good at reading because the letters and numbers appeared mixed up on the page, but that didn’t keep them from being highly intelligent. Einstein had been dyslexic. She looked at Rabb with newly opened eyes.
“I always liked looking at the pictures, though,” Rabb continued with a self-deprecating grin. “You can learn a lot about art and architecture from pictures.”
“Hmm,” Amanda said, because she was feeling foolish. As a teacher, she should know better than to jump to conclusions about people. It seemed she’d misjudged Rabb. “When did you find out you were dyslexic?”
“My mom and dad were pretty insistent that we get a good education. I spent a lot of time studying but never did well on tests. Turns out they were familiar with dyslexia because one of my uncles grew up with the same problem. It helped to know why I couldn’t read well, but it was still hard not to fight back when someone called me a dummy.”
Amanda’s heart went out to Rabb. How awful for him. And she’d been as bad as everyone else. “I’m so sorry,” she said.
“I got over it,” Rabb said. He held out his hands and turned them over, as though marveling at them. “My hands have never failed me. I’ve found something I can do well, and I get a tremendous amount of satisfaction from creating unique, one-of-a-kind pieces.”
“I’ve always loved my gazebo,” she admitted in a soft voice.
“I’m glad,” Rabb said.
“I’d love to see more of your work.”
“You’re welcome to come to my workshop.”
“I’d like that,” she said. “When?”
“When can you spare the time? With the wedding coming up, you must have a lot to do over the next couple of weeks.”
Oh. The wedding. She’d completely forgotten. “I have so much to do I’m not sure how I’ll finish it all,” Amanda admitted.
“What about Jake? Is he helping?”
“He’s busy with the ranch during the day, and he’s agreed to keep your nephew and niece, which will keep him busy in the evenings.”
“I’d be glad to help—although I’m not sure what I can do,” Rabb said.
A furrow appeared in Amanda’s brow. “I have to pick flowers for the church and a design for the cake and I have some final decisions to make on my wedding dress. I’m afraid I’ve left everything to the last minute. I was busy with school until a few days ago, and now everything has to be done at once. It would help to have another opinion.”
“You’ve got it,” Rabb said.
“I wouldn’t want to take you away from your work.”
“My hours are flexible, and I was planning to take a little time off for Christmas anyhow. Where do you want to start? Flowers? Cake? Or dress?”
Amanda laughed and realized how strange it felt. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d laughed. She felt…carefree and happy. Suddenly, activities she’d been looking at as chores seemed like they might be fun. “I don’t know. Can I call you later?”
“Sure,” Rabb said. “Meanwhile, we have things to do.”
Amanda sighed. Yes. There was always work to do. She stood and began collecting the dishes to carry to the sink.
“I’ll help you with the dishes later,” Rabb said. “I think the rest of the afternoon would be better spent taking a ride.”
“What?”
Rabb took her by the hand and was tugging her toward the door. “Come on, Amanda. I know you ride. I’ve seen you with Jake.”
“You mean go for a horseback ride? Now? This afternoon?”
“Sure. Why not?”
“What about the gazebo?” She looked around at the mess in the kitchen and said, “What about the dishes?”
“They can both wait. There’s no telling how long this beautiful weather will last. Go put on your boots. Let’s take a few hours and get away from it all.”
That sounded so wonderful. It also sounded irresponsible. “I have so much to do,” Amanda said, “I can’t possibly—”
“I won’t take no for an answer,” Rabb said. “You have two seconds to go for your boots, or I’m going to throw you over my shoulder and haul you off like you are.”
“You wouldn’t dare,” Amanda said, titillated by the threat, but not quite believing it, either.
“Oh, no?” Rabb said. He reached out and tickled her ribs.
Amanda scrunched her arms down tight and tried to wriggle away. His arms came around her as his hands insinuated themselves beneath her bent arms and wormed their way up to her underarms.
“Oh, God.” She giggled. “Stop. I’m ticklish!”
“Gonna get your boots?”
“Yes!” she shrieked. “Yes.”
“Then go,” he said, freeing her abruptly.
Amanda took off at a run—she never ran in the house—giggling and laughing all the way.
“Hurry back,” he shouted after her. “Or I’ll come up and get you.”
For one treacherous moment, Amanda considered letting him do just that. In her bedroom, she kicked off her loafers, shoved her feet into her black cowboy boots, and ran—good grief, she was running again—back down the stairs.
She was grinning when she stomped into the kitchen. “All right. I’m ready to go. Are you satisfied?”
“God, you’re so beautiful.”
Amanda’s grin faded. What was she doing? What was she thinking? She had no business running off with Rabb Whitelaw for an afternoon of…merriment. She had dishes to wash. And plans to make. For her wedding. To his brother.
She gripped the back of a kitchen chair so hard her knuckles turned white. Because she had to hang on or go tearing out the door with him. “You’d better go,” she said.
“Mandy—”
“Just go, Rabb. Now. Please.” When he didn’t move, she said, “Get out!”
A moment later he was gone. And she was alone. Again.
CHAPTER FOUR
AMANDA WAS STILL IN BED LONG past the time when she normally would have been up and busy. She’d tossed and turned all night, feeling guilty over her treatment of Rabb. She wouldn’t blame him if he never came back to fix her gazebo. He probably thought she was crazy. She certainly had no rational explanation for her behavior.
She sat bolt upright at the first sound of hammering, then threw off the covers and scrambled out of bed, heading for the window. She turned and hopped right back into bed when her feet hit the frigid wooden floor. She reached down under the bed, found her bunny slippers and put them on, then trotted to the window. Well, the summer temperatures were gone.
She could see Rabb was putting up new lattice, but he was wearing a shearling coat and leather gloves. She shoved the window up and yelled down at him, “What are you doing?”
He smiled and waved and said, “Good morning, Mandy,” as though the events of the previous afternoon had never happened.
Well, if he wanted to pretend things were fine, she was happy to forget the way she’d acted.
“I could use a cup of coffee,” he said. “When you’re up.”
“I’m up now,” she said, shivering as a blast of cold air hit her face.
“You’re still in your pajamas,” he countered. “But I like them. You look cute.”
Amanda glanced down at the baby doll pajamas she’d slept in. They were impractical in a way none of her everyday clothes were. Skimpy and sexy and very…pink. No one had ever seen them but her. And no one was supposed to see them.
“I’ll be down in a minute,” she said, slamming the window and yanking down the shade.
He thought she looked cute. She ran and stared at herself in the bathroom mirror. Cute was a word for teenagers. Thirty-two-year-old women were never cute. She looked…ridiculous. She ought to be wearing something more appropriate for her age.
But she’d had to be up several times at night with her mother during those years when she could have worn silly, flighty, fun clothes to bed, so she’d made up for it once her mother passed away by buying things like the girlish baby doll pajamas she wore now.
She ruthlessly yanked them off, washed her face, brushed her teeth and put on the clothes she wore on cold days. Slacks, loafers with socks, an Oxford cloth shirt and a pullover crew-necked sweater. She shoved a brush through her short hair, slicked on some lipstick and headed downstairs.
No sense pretending she was anything she wasn’t. Forget being cute. She kept her hair cut short because it was easy to take care of and, except for her pajamas, bought practical clothes that would last.
She boiled a cup of water in the microwave and added a teaspoon of instant coffee. No coffeemaker for her. Speed was of the essence. Time was something she never seemed to have enough of. Or at least, that was the way it had been for eleven years. It had been difficult to readjust her mindset in the years since her mother had passed away. All right, impossible. She had the feeling she could never catch up, never get back those years she’d lost.
She stuck her head out the screen door and said, “Cream and sugar?”
“Lots of both,” he shouted back.
Jake liked his coffee black. Another little difference.
She preferred just about anything hot to drink except coffee, but she didn’t feel like making either tea or cocoa right now. She wanted to get outside and apologize to Rabb.
She’d learned not to put off unpleasant business. Better to get it over with. She put on her goose-down vest and headed outside with Rabb’s coffee.
He stuck the hammer in his tool belt when he saw her coming and turned to reach for the coffee mug. “Aren’t you having any?”
“I don’t drink coffee,” she said. “I only came out here to say I’m sorry for yesterday.” There, it was done.
He sipped at the coffee, winced, then blew on it. “Uh-huh,” he said. He looked at her and waited.
She stuck her hands in her vest pockets, because it was colder outside than she’d expected it would be. Her breath plumed in the air. “Guess a norther came in overnight,” she said.
“Uh-huh,” he said. And nothing more.
“I’m sorry now I didn’t take advantage of your offer to go riding yesterday. That was probably the end of the warm weather.”
“Uh-huh,” he said and sipped again at his coffee.
“I know I was rude,” she said, agitated at his lack of speech. “But I…” How was she supposed to explain how she’d felt? What she’d feared?
“But you’re not used to having fun,” he said.
She frowned. “That’s not true.”
“Prove it,” he said. “Come riding with me today.”
She shivered and scoffed, “It’s freezing!”
“It’s refreshingly cool,” he countered with a smile.
She found herself smiling back at him. And sobered when she realized what she was doing. “I have things to do to get ready for the wedding.”
“Oh, yeah. Let’s see, the flowers. And the dress. And…What was the other thing?”
“The cake.”
“Right. Which one needs doing today?”
“The fitting for the dress, I suppose.”
“Okay. We’ll do that and then go riding,” he said.
She pursed her lips and wrinkled her forehead. “You don’t want to watch me try on my wedding dress.”
“Sure I do,” he said. “So long as you agree to come riding with me afterward.”
“How much more work had you planned to do on the gazebo?” she asked.
He looked at the gazebo, which had one of the two naked sides covered once more in lattice and said, “That’s plenty for today. I’m ready when you are.”
She shook her head and laughed again. It must be nice to be able to stop in the middle of a project, to simply walk away and come back later when you felt like it. Her life hadn’t allowed her that sort of freedom. She felt a little reckless at the thought of taking off on horseback in weather cold enough to turn her nose red as a berry.
“All right,” she said. “You asked for it. Let me get my boots and we’ll go.”
Rabb was standing in her kitchen when she came down, the coffee cup rinsed and sitting in the sink. She was thinking what a great husband he would make some woman when he said, “I don’t see any breakfast dishes. Did you eat?”
“I usually skip breakfast. I’m in too much of a hurry,” she admitted.
“You need to eat.”
While she stood gawking, he opened a series of cupboards until he found some Cheerios, then a cereal bowl and finally a spoon. “This won’t take long,” he said, “and you’ll need the energy when we go riding.”
Before she quite knew what was happening, Amanda was sitting at the kitchen table, Rabb in a chair across from her.
“You need to take better care of yourself,” he said.
She felt self-conscious eating with someone watching her, especially when he wasn’t eating anything. When she tried to hurry he said, “Take your time. We’ve got all day.”
She raised a brow and asked, “Don’t you have to work?”
“I’m taking a holiday. Except for fixing your gazebo, I’m footloose for the next couple of weeks.”
Amanda couldn’t imagine Jake being able to take off like that. His ranch kept him busy from dawn to dusk, and it was a job that had to be done 365 days a year. He’d had little time off to spend with her, which had worked out well, because she’d been busy herself with all sorts of projects at school. However, during summers and spring vacation she’d wished he was around more. She’d felt…lonely.
She looked down at her empty bowl, gave a chagrined smile, and said, “I didn’t realize I was that hungry.”
Rabb was up and rinsing her bowl before she could stop him. “Ready to go?” he asked.
“We’ll take my car, if that’s all right,” she said.
Jake always preferred driving. Rabb just said, “Let’s do it.”
She waited for Rabb to complain about her driving. It was as conservative as every other aspect of her life. She watched the speed limit and came to a full stop at every sign. But he said nothing.
“One of the teachers has an aunt who’s a seamstress,” Amanda said to fill the silence. “Mrs. Caruso is amazing. She’s making my wedding gown from a picture I found in Modern Brides magazine.”
“Sewing is a real talent,” Rabb agreed.
Amanda resisted the urge to describe the dress. She’d fallen in love with it and couldn’t wait to see Jake’s face when he saw her walking down the aisle.
Because it was a winter wedding, she’d decided she needed long, fitted sleeves. The bodice was cut into a heart shape, then covered modestly with tulle, and the A-line skirt had a short train that began at her waist and flared four feet behind her.
As Amanda rang the doorbell at Mrs. Caruso’s home, she could feel Rabb breathing down her neck. Well, not literally. But she was aware of him standing in her space. His shoulder actually brushed hers. When she saw how close Rabb stayed, she suddenly realized that Jake always kept a few inches between their bodies.
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