Summer With A French Surgeon
Margaret Barker
Dear Reader
I’ve returned once more to my favourite part of France for the setting of SUMMER WITH A FRENCH SURGEON. I fell in love with the area when I strolled hand in hand one summer’s day along a favourite beach with my boyfriend John, who was soon to be my husband. Later we took our children. Now some of our children and grandchildren live not far from this beach.
I still walk along the same beach if I’m searching for a new romantic story. Although my husband died a few years ago I still feel the inspiration he used to give me when I needed to conjure up a romantic hero.
The beach is set in a beautiful area of hills and valleys near fashionable Le Touquet and the picturesque old town of Montreuil-sur-mer. It’s a perfect background for the romance of Julia and Bernard, two doctors who initially fight against the attraction that pulls them together. There are many obstacles to overcome before they can give in to the romantic love that finally claims them for ever.
I hope you enjoy reading their story as much as I enjoyed writing it.
Margaret
Summer with a
French Surgeon
Margaret Barker
www.millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk)
To my wonderful family, who give me continual love,
inspiration and happiness.
CHAPTER ONE
EVER since she’d been tiny, Julia had always made a special point of trying to appear confident. Well, with three older brothers to boss her around she’d had to be tough to survive. Still, glancing around now at her fellow trainee surgeons, she felt decidedly nervous. Since her disastrous marriage to Tony—who’d done his best to destroy whatever confidence she’d had—her life had been an uphill struggle to even get back to how she’d felt as a teenager, competing against her brilliant medical-student and qualified brothers.
Coming here, to France, to further her surgical career was the first step on her long journey back to self-confidence. And, in fact, looking out of the taxi as she had been driven down the hill just now towards St Martin sur Mer, she’d been in seventh heaven as she’d absorbed the wonderful scenery spread out in front of her. The stunning view had made her forget any apprehension she’d had about taking this big step.
She’d found herself overwhelmed with nostalgia as she’d seen the undulating sand dunes spilling down onto the beach and behind them the small, typically French hotels, cafés tabac, restaurants, shops and houses clustered near the high-tech hospital. She’d felt the excitement she’d known as a child when her French mother and English father, both doctors, had brought the whole family here for a couple of weeks every summer holiday.
She brought her thoughts back to the present as the eminent professor of orthopaedic surgery strode into the room. She caught her breath. Wow! Bernard Cappelle looked much younger than she’d expected and very … handsome? She paused, surprised by the turn of her wicked thoughts. It had been a very long time since she’d noticed any man in that way.
He was more than handsome, he was charismatic. Yes, that was more like it. He was oozing the sort of confidence she longed to acquire. Well, maybe, just maybe in another ten years, when she was an eminent surgeon, she would stride into a room and silence would descend as her students stared in awe at their professor of surgery, as was happening now with the great Bernard Cappelle.
If she hadn’t made a concrete decision to hold off relationships since Tony had bled her dry of all desire for emotional commitment of any kind she would have allowed herself to fancy Bernard Cappelle.
In your dreams, girl! No chance! She wouldn’t let herself even fantasise about him. Good! That meant she could concentrate on making the most of the six-month course without wasting her energy on emotional dreams about an unattainable man who wouldn’t even notice her.
The awesome man cleared his throat as he looked around the assembled doctors. Ah, so he was possibly a bit nervous? At least that meant he had a human side.
‘Hello, and welcome, ladies and gentlemen. I hope that …’
Bernard Cappelle began by welcoming them to the Hopital de la Plage, which would be their place of study and work for the six-month course. He explained they would study an orthopaedic operation theoretically before they moved on to the practical aspect of observing and assisting in Theatre. They would also be expected to assist with the pre- and post-operative care of the patients and also work in Urgences, the accident and emergency department, on occasion if required.
Julia took notes but realised soon enough that she’d read most of this in the brochure she’d studied carefully before applying. So she allowed herself to study the man who was to lead them all to the final exams, which would give them a prestigious qualification that would be a definite help to her in her desire to become a first-class orthopaedic surgeon.
She sat back in her hard and uncomfortable chair, probably designed to keep students awake. There were ten students on the course, Dr Cappelle explained. He’d chosen them from their CVs and was confident from their qualifications and experience that they were all going to give the next six months one hundred per cent of their available effort. He paused for a moment and his eyes swept the room before alighting on Julia in the front row.
‘Are you happy for me to speak French all the time, Dr Montgomery?’ he asked in heavily accented but charming English.
She was taken aback by suddenly being the centre of attention. Everyone was waiting for her reply. She swallowed hard. ‘Yes, yes, of course. My mother is French, my father English, so I’m bilingual.’
‘Then if you are happy I will speak in French …’ He went on to explain that he was much happier when speaking French. ‘And you are not intimidated by being the only lady in the class?’
She sat up straight, trying to look bigger than she actually was. ‘Not at all. I was brought up with three brothers who did their best to intimidate me but without success.’
There was a scattering of sympathetic laughter. She was quaking in her shoes but making a valiant effort not to show it. She wished he would take his eyes off her and attention would focus on someone else.
‘Excellent!’
A student sitting nearby spoke out in a clear distinct voice. ‘Why is it, sir, that women orthopaedic surgeons are few and far between?’
Bernard Cappelle appeared to be giving the matter some thought. ‘Good question. Could it be that the fairer sex are more delicate and possibly wary of taking on a profession that requires a certain amount of strength on occasions? What is your view, Dr Montgomery?’
‘I have to say,’ she continued boldly, forcing herself to display a confidence she didn’t feel, ‘I’m surprised to be the only woman on the course. I’ve never found, during my early career so far in orthopaedics, that being female is a disadvantage. When you’re operating the patient is usually sedated in some way … I mean they’re not likely to struggle with you or …’
Her voice trailed away as her depleted confidence ebbed and flowed.
The student who’d begun the discussion broke in. ‘And there’s always some hunky big, strong male doctor hovering around a fragile lady, hoping she’ll ask for his help so that he can muscle in and …’
She missed the end of his sentence because the entire group was now laughing loudly. Ha, ha, very funny … she didn’t think. She waited until the laughter died down before taking a deep breath and speaking in the clear, concise, correct French her well-spoken mother had always insisted she use.
‘Gentlemen, you can be assured that I never take advantage of my so-called fragility. My brothers took me to judo classes when I was very young. I was awarded a black belt as soon as I was old enough to qualify and the skills I learned have often come in handy. So, as you can see, I only need to call for help when it’s absolutely necessary.’
‘Bravo!’ Dr Cappelle said, admiration showing in his eyes. From her position in the front row she could see they were sensitive, a distinctive shade of hazel. Phew, she was glad she’d had to practise the art of being strong from an early age. Her show of pseudo-confidence was turning into the real thing, although she realised that had she known she would be the only woman on the course she might have hesitated before signing up.
Well, probably only hesitated for a short while. Looking around, she knew she could handle these young doctors, whatever they tried on. She’d learned a lot about men in the last few years. Basically, they were still boys, feeling as daunted as she was at the prospect of the exacting course they’d signed up to.
‘I’m now going to give you a tour of the operating theatres we use here at the Hopital de la Plage. Some of them will be in use and we won’t be able to go inside en masse. May I suggest you make a note of the areas you aren’t able to see today so that you can find a more suitable time to inspect them at a later date?’
Before they all filed out, the professor asked them to call him Bernard. He said that he didn’t hold with titles in a teaching situation, explaining that it was easier for him to get to know his students if there was always a warm atmosphere, especially in tutorials like today. He looked around the room as if to judge the collective reaction of his students to this unexpected statement.
There was a stunned silence. Julia felt slightly more at ease with the great man when he said that but as she glanced around the room she knew that her fellow students weren’t taken in. Bernard Cappelle somehow managed to remain aloof even while he spoke. She sensed an aura of mystery surrounding him, which made him seem distant, brooding, definitely enigmatic, approachable in a professional situation but with caution. Yes, his students would call him Bernard because he’d requested they do so but at the same time they would be wary of him. So would she but for several reasons, some of them decidedly inadvisable given her past history!
Being in the front row, she went out first and found Bernard walking beside her. He seemed very tall. She wished she’d put her heels on but hadn’t realised they were going to trek round the hospital.
‘You don’t mind if I call you Julia, do you?’
He had such a deep, sexy, mellifluous voice. She was going to have to be very firm with herself to eliminate any sign that she felt an attraction to him. There, she’d admitted it. Well, power plus charisma, plus a barely discernible twinkle in the eye, which undoubtedly accompanied a wicked sense of humour, all added up to a desirable package that she certainly wasn’t going to attempt to unwrap. Bernard could teach her his professional skills and knowledge and that was all she wanted from him.
Besides, he was probably married, bound to have a stunning wife waiting for him at home. Although married men were often ready for a fling and flings were another thing totally off her agenda.
‘Yes, you can call me Julia.’ She didn’t even smile, making it seem as if she was doing him a favour.
‘Good.’
They were now going inside one of the theatres, which Bernard had told them was not in use that afternoon. There was gleaming, bright high-tech equipment everywhere she looked. She was really going to enjoy working in a place like this.
At the end of the afternoon tour Bernard took them down to the staff cafeteria, where the conversation drifted from the equipment they’d viewed and the endless possibilities of a teaching hospital of this calibre to their previous experience and what they hoped to get out of the course that would be relevant to their future careers.
Somehow she found herself next to Bernard again. She wondered if he felt he had to protect her from the attentions of her fellow students in spite of the fact that she’d made it quite clear she wanted to be treated in the same way as all the men on the course.
‘So, do you think you’re going to enjoy working here, Julia?’
‘I don’t know whether enjoy is quite the right word.’ She took a sip of her coffee. ‘I intend to get the most out of it but I realise it’s going to be hard work.’
‘You look like the sort of person who enjoys hard work—determined, tough, doesn’t give up easily. From your CV you seem to have led a busy life both in and outside hospital. Am I right, Julia?’
She nodded. ‘I suppose so—at least, that’s what people have told me concerning my professional life. I’ve been focussed on my medical career throughout my adult life.’
‘Did that give you enough time for your private life?’
‘My private life? Well …’
She broke off. She wasn’t going to notify her teacher that she’d come to the conclusion she had a serious flaw in her personality—her inability to handle her time outside the pursuit of her career. Especially in her inability to recognise a complete and utter swine when she thought she’d picked the man of her dreams. She turned her head away from him so that he wouldn’t notice the misty, damp expression in her eyes that would give him an inkling of her intense vulnerability since the suffering Tony had inflicted on her.
Looking round the almost deserted cafeteria, she noticed that the majority of her fellow doctors were drifting out through the door, having been told that the rest of the day was theirs to orientate themselves around the hospital or do whatever they wanted.
She had been planning to escape back to the small study-bedroom she’d been assigned in the medical quarters and sort out her luggage. She felt that would be the safest option open to her now, instead of having a discussion about her least favourite subject.
She stood up. ‘If you’ll excuse me, Bernard, I’m going to make use of this free time to get my room sorted out.’
It sounded trite to her own ears but the last thing she wanted so early in the course was to be interrogated by her boss on the delicate subject of her private life.
As he rose to his full height there was an enigmatic expression on his face. ‘Of course, Julia.’
He escorted her to the door. She turned left towards the medical residents’ quarters. He turned right towards the theatre block.
She walked swiftly down the corridor. At the entrance to the door to the residents’ quarters she found one of her colleagues waiting for her. She recognised him as the one who’d had most to say for himself. Tall, dark and good looking in a rugged sort of way, very self-assured.
He smiled, displaying strong white teeth as he stretched out a hand towards her.
‘Dominic,’ he said, as he shook her hand in a firm grip.
She reclaimed her hand. ‘Julia.’
‘I know. Some of us are having an impromptu meeting at the bar round the corner and we’d like you to join us if you could spare the time.’
‘Well, my room needs sorting and—’
‘Julia, we’ve all got things to do but …’ He broke off and began speaking in English. ‘All work and no play isn’t good for you.’
She smiled at him. She needed to stop taking herself so seriously and it would be good to get to know her colleagues.
‘OK. I’ll come but I mustn’t stay too long.’
‘Don’t worry. We’re all in the same boat.’
‘Ah, it’s good to be outside in the fresh air.’ Julia revelled in the warm early evening sunshine as they walked out through the hospital gates.
Across the road there were still families on the beach, children running into the sea, which she knew would still be a little chilly in the spring.
‘Café Maurice Chevalier,’ she read from the sign outside the café restaurant Dominic took her to.
She could see some of her fellow students grouped around a large table outside. Two of them were already pulling up another small table and a couple of chairs. There was a bottle of wine on the table. Someone poured her a glass. Dominic went inside to the bar, returning with another bottle and some more glasses.
Dominic went round the table, topping up wine glasses. They all raised their glasses to cries of ‘Santé!’
‘Cheers!’ said Dominic, proud of his English.
‘Cheers!’ everybody repeated, laughing loudly.
Names were bandied about and she managed to put names to faces. Pierre, Christophe, Daniel, Jacques, Gerard and Paul were the most vociferous. Dominic seemed to have been elected leader of the group. Julia was secretly glad she’d got brothers who’d shown her how to join in when she found herself in all-male company.
‘This place was here when I was a child,’ she said, during an unusually quiet moment. ‘I used to sit outside and watch the sun going down with my parents and my brothers. It’s good to be back here.’
‘I should think it’s good to escape from the attentions of our grumpy old tutor,’ Dominic said. ‘I saw him deep in conversation with you. How did he come across on a one-to-one basis?’
‘To be honest, I don’t know what to make of him. All I hope is that he’s a good teacher.’
‘Oh, he’s a good teacher,’ Dominic said vehemently. ‘But he’s a hard taskmaster. Apparently, he went through a difficult divorce and he’s sorting out custody of his six-year-old son at the moment.’
‘How do you know?’ Pierre asked, screwing up his eyes against the glare of the setting sun.
Dominic grinned. ‘I came here a week early to get the feel of the place. Unlike Julia, I’ve never been to this part of France before. I was born in Marseilles. I chatted up one of the nurses—’
Loud guffaws around the table greeted this.
‘And found out a lot about Professor Grumpy. There’s a rumour that he’s going through a bad time at the moment, touchy about his divorce and tends to take it out on his students if they don’t come up to scratch. But he’s a brilliant surgeon and teacher, much admired by his colleagues.’
‘Well, that’s all I need to know,’ Julia said, putting her hand over her glass as Christophe came round with another bottle.
‘Ah, don’t be too complacent,’ Dominic told her. ‘It’s also rumoured that he doesn’t think women make good surgeons.’
All eyes were on her now. She found herself filled with dread. Not only was she desperate to make a good impression on her new teacher but she was battling with an insane attraction towards him. Could it be true he didn’t like women surgeons? So why had she been the only woman chosen for his exclusive course?
She looked out over the beach to the sand dunes at the corner of the bay, breathing slowly until the feeling of dread disappeared. She would cope. She would have to. She turned her head to look up at the magnificent hill behind them. She didn’t want negative thoughts to spoil the beautiful sunset that was casting a glow over the hills, just as she remembered from her childhood.
She glanced round the table. ‘My tutor in England told me I’m a good surgeon,’ she said quietly. ‘It’s what I want to do with my life. And I’m not going to let a grumpy tutor spoil my career plans.’
A cheer went round the table. She felt she’d been accepted, just as her brothers’ friends accepted her.
She stood up, smiling at her colleagues who had now become her friends. ‘I’ve really enjoyed myself but I must go.’
‘I’ll come with you, escort you back.’
‘No, you stay and have another drink, Dominic. It’s not far.’
He pulled a wry face, but let her go off by herself.
She walked quickly, pausing as she went round the corner to look up at the sun dipping behind the hills. It had almost disappeared but a pink and mauve colour was diffusing over the skyline. She remembered how she’d once thought it was a miracle that the sun could disappear behind the hills and reappear from the depths of the sea in the morning. Her father had explained about the earth being round and so on but she’d still thought it was a miracle. Still did!
She turned her head and looked out at the darkening sea. There were fireflies dancing on the black waves, illuminating the scene. It was truly romantic, though not if you were all alone surrounded by strolling couples and families taking their children home to bed. She reminded herself that this was the life she’d now chosen, to ensure that she pursued her chosen career to the height of her destiny.
A smile flitted across her lips as she told herself to lighten up. It was a bit early to be having grand thoughts about her destiny.
Oh, yes, she was going to enjoy her evening now that she’d calmed her wicked thoughts and got herself back on the journey that she’d set herself. There would be time enough for romance, marriage, babies and everything else she wouldn’t allow herself until she’d established her career.
CHAPTER TWO
ALMOST three weeks later Julia was sitting outside Bernard’s office, waiting for her turn to have a one-on-one meeting with him about her progress to date. She was studying the printed sheets that Bernard had handed out at the last tutorial. It was difficult to believe that the first month of their course was almost over. The days had flown by during which they’d all been bombarded with work assignments, essays to write on the theories behind various orthopaedic operations and actual operations to observe in Theatre.
Whilst in Theatre they had to make copious notes, all of which needed to be written up in their own time. The notes then had to be transformed into a coherent observation of the operation, including their own comments and criticisms. These were emailed to Bernard as soon as possible. In no time at all they received an assessment of their work with much criticism from him. She knew she wasn’t alone in being the recipient of his scathing comments.
They’d also undertaken sessions in the Urgences department, the French equivalent of Accident and Emergency, where they had to do minor operations and treatments on emergency cases, observed and assessed by the director of Urgences, Michel Devine. He in turn reported back to the twitchy Bernard.
When Dominic had told everybody that Bernard was reputed to be a hard taskmaster, he had been spot on! She’d been so naive three weeks ago. She hadn’t believed she would have to work under such pressure.
Just at that moment Dominic arrived in the corridor and plonked himself down beside her.
‘What time’s your endurance test?’
She frowned at him. ‘Shh. He’ll hear you.’
‘Don’t care if he does. I feel like walking out. It’s time he cut us some slack. We’re all qualified and experienced doctors, for heaven’s sake. Who does he think he is, treating us like—?’
The door opened. ‘Good morning, Julia. Dominic,’ their taskmaster said, glancing severely at Dominic.
Julia followed Bernard inside and sat down on the upright chair in front of the desk. She wasn’t afraid of him, she told herself as he went round to the other side and glanced at the screen of his computer. She reckoned all the information on her was there. Everything she’d ever done since aspiring to take on this arduous course.
He looked across the desk at her and at last there was eye contact with him. She couldn’t help the frisson of excitement that ran through her as she looked directly into those dark hazel eyes. Why was she being so perverse in finding herself attracted to this man who’d made the past three weeks such an endurance test for her?
‘How are you finding the course, Julia?’
No smile, just that piercing stare that was causing shivers to run down her spine. Shivers she couldn’t possibly analyse.
She took a deep breath. ‘It’s relentlessly tiring … but exceptionally interesting and frustrating at the same time.’
He frowned. ‘In what way is it frustrating?’
‘Well, you haven’t yet let me loose in Theatre so I can do some actual surgery. I’m getting withdrawal symptoms from all this theorising.’
Was that a brief twitching of the lips or the beginnings of a contemptuous smile on his face? Whatever it was, it died immediately as he looked intensely displeased with her.
‘Julia, you will appreciate that I have to make absolutely sure that if I let one of my students ‘loose in Theatre’, as you put it, that the patient will be in capable hands.’
‘Yes, of course, I do appreciate that, but I’ve had a great deal of experience in Theatre and—’
‘So I’m told,’ he interrupted dryly. ‘Your tutor in London, Don Grainger, gave you an extremely glowing reference, outlining some of the orthopaedic operations you have performed.’
She brightened up at this piece of news. What a treasure Don Grainger had been during her medical-school days and after graduation.
‘So,’ Bernard continued in the same dour tone, ‘during this illustrious career you’re pursuing, how much experience have you had of hip replacements?’
Oh, joy! At last she was definitely on home ground! She began to elaborate at length on the hip replacements she’d undertaken, at first assisting before moving on to operating under supervision.
He interrupted to ask questions as she enthused about how she loved to remove the static, painful joint and replace it with a prosthesis. His questions concerned the types of prostheses she’d used, which she preferred and if she enjoyed following up the after-care of her patients.
‘But of course I enjoy seeing my patients after I’ve spent so much time with them in Theatre. Seeing the patient before and after surgery, making sure they’re getting the best possible after-care, is all part of the buzz a surgeon gets.’
‘Buzz? What do you mean by this?’
In her enthusiasm for the subject she’d gone into English. Embarrassed at getting so carried away, she began to speak French again to dispel the wrinkles of concern that had appeared on his brow. ‘It’s the wonderful excitement of taking away pain and suffering and restoring a new, more active lifestyle to a patient. Not exactly what I meant but something like that.’
They were both silent for a few moments. The clock on the wall ticked away the seconds, reminding Bernard he had another student to see. He wished he didn’t find this one so fascinating. Was it her enthusiasm for the subject or was it something he shouldn’t even be thinking about every time he met up with her? She was his student, a career woman, and he was a family man. Never the twain should meet!
He put on his stern tutor expression as he stood up to indicate the interview was over.
‘Send Dominic in, please.’
She turned and walked to the door, anxious to escape from the inquisition and the conflict of emotions she was experiencing.
‘How was it?’ Dominic asked as she came out.
She shrugged her shoulders. ‘I’ve no idea how it went,’ she whispered. ‘Good luck!’
The next day she was still none the wiser. If anything, she was now feeling even more frustrated. She really was getting withdrawal symptoms from being just a cog in the machinery of this difficult course. She needed to actually make a major contribution to an interesting operation in Theatre, feel the buzz of satisfaction she was used to getting when an operation was a success and the patient’s state of health vastly improved.
She looked up from the notes she’d been studying as Bernard walked in and took his place at the front of the tutorial room. The chattering between the students died down as ten pairs of eyes focussed on their professor. She thought he looked slightly worried this morning as he glanced around the room.
‘Good morning.’ A slight nod of the head in her direction as he acknowledged her, seated, as she had been so far this course, in the front row.
Bernard’s serious expression didn’t change as he began to explain what would happen that morning. They had admitted a patient three days before who had been on the waiting list for a hip replacement. Apparently, the lady in question was from a medical background herself. She had elected to have her operation under general anaesthetic and in the interests of furthering the education of the budding surgeons in Bernard’s group she had agreed that her operation should be used for teaching purposes.
‘Surgery begins at eleven this morning.’ He seemed to be directing his statement right at her.
Why was he still looking at her? She tried to shrink down in her seat. He raised his eyes again to address the now apprehensive students.
‘I shall be performing the operation with the help of a qualified and experienced junior surgeon and one of my students.’
He was looking at her again. She swallowed hard.
‘I have deliberately given you no warning of this because there will be times in your future careers when you will be called upon to operate at short notice and I wanted to see how you handle the added adrenalin that sometimes causes panic amongst the less suitable candidates.’
He smiled. Thank goodness! It was as if the sun had come out. She shifted awkwardly in her seat, sensing that he was about to make an important announcement.
‘The reason I sent out a questionnaire before you arrived here, asking about previous experience of hip replacement surgery, was to ascertain who might be a likely candidate for the first operation of the course. Several of you indicated varying degrees of competence. I consider that some of you would be perfectly capable of being my second assistant this morning.’
He read from a list, Julia holding her breath apprehensively after she heard her name read out.
‘There’s no need to be worried. We are a teaching hospital with excellent insurance.’ His smile broadened. ‘There is a stipulation that patients must be chosen with care and must agree to everything that might happen during their surgery. The patient we will operate on this morning is a retired surgeon herself and fully co-operative. Now …’
He paused and looked around the class. ‘Who would like the opportunity to work with me this morning?’
Talk about adrenalin pumping! Her heart was pounding so quickly she felt everyone in the room would hear it. This was the opportunity she should seize on. The opportunity she’d asked Bernard for. The old Julia would have been leaping to her feet, desperate for the experience. These days she could feel real fear whenever opportunity knocked.
Seconds dragged by. Nobody had moved. Several throats had been cleared, including Bernard’s. She could feel his eyes boring into her. What had her father always told her? Feel the fear and do it anyway.
Her hand shot up, seemingly having a life of its own. Every fibre of her body was warning her to hold off, not to stick her neck out, but this was why she’d come here. To challenge herself and banish her insecurities. She could do this! Raising her eyes tentatively towards the rostrum, she was rewarded by a look of intense pride.
Bernard knew he’d goaded her on that morning. He’d deliberately put her to the test and she hadn’t failed him. He’d already seen for himself how knowledgeable she was about her passion but, from what he’d learned during their brief time since she arrived, she was a student who needed her confidence boosted. And this could only be done by subjecting her to difficult and demanding situations that required top-class skills, diligent training, impeccable qualifications and endless energy. The ability to carry on long after your whole body was experiencing real physical weariness, if required.
Though he didn’t doubt that intellectually she was probably streets ahead of her louder colleagues he worried that she might not be physically strong enough at times. He would have the same concerns with any female student. A fact that had made him consider hard about offering her a place on this course. If he was honest with himself, he’d only admitted her to the course as a favour to his old friend Don Grainger. Don was no fool. He wouldn’t have put her forward to take the course if he didn’t think she was a natural surgeon.
But Julia still had to prove herself to him. Although he trusted his old friend, he needed to be in Theatre with her himself to actually make a sound judgement.
He composed his features back to the completely objective, professional tutor he was supposed to be. But it was difficult to hold back the elation he felt now that his plan had worked. The teacher in him wanted to build up her confidence, which he surmised had for some reason taken a knock somewhere along the way. The fact that he found her impossibly attractive must be dealt with as a separate issue, which couldn’t in any way colour his professional judgement of her.
‘Thank you, Julia. Would you meet me in the ante-theatre at ten-thirty, please? We shall be using the teaching theatre where those of you not required on the lower surgery area will sit on the raised seats behind the transparent screens. You will be able to hear everything, take notes and ask questions at the end of the operation.’
Julia dealt with the moment of panic that suddenly came over her. She needed to escape and scan her notes. She mustn’t leave anything to chance during her debut in Theatre. And she wanted time to check out the patient. That was always important. She wasn’t dealing with an abstract. This was a human being who deserved respect so perhaps it would be possible to …
Thoughts tumbled through her mind as she hurried to the door, only to find that Bernard was waiting there for her.
‘Would you like to meet the patient?’
She gave a sigh of relief. ‘That’s definitely on my check list … along with everything else I need to do.’
‘Don’t worry. There’s plenty of time.’
She revelled in his smooth, soothing voice and remembered that he must have had to go through difficult situations to reach the heights of his profession. She had a lot to prove to him so she felt intensely nervous because he still hadn’t thawed out with her. Could she work alongside him without making a fool of herself?
She squared her shoulders. She would do the best for the patient, as she had always done, and Bernard’s opinion of her didn’t matter. Oh, but his opinion of you does matter, said a small, nagging voice in her head.
‘You look nervous, Julia,’ he said, as if reading her thoughts. ‘Take a deep breath. Now let it out. That’s better. I wouldn’t let you operate on my patient if I didn’t think you were capable, extremely capable according to your previous tutor.’
She felt as if she’d grown taller already and much stronger. Her thoughts were clearing and she could feel a list of priorities forming in her head.
He led her along the corridor, speaking now in a gentler tone than he usually used. She felt comforted, supported both physically and mentally. His arm brushed hers as they walked together and she was surprised by the sparks of attraction his close proximity aroused. Not an easy situation to be in. Nervous of Bernard because he would be judging her performance in Theatre, concerned about their patient and surprised at the frequent frissons of attraction towards her boss. This was going to be an intensely difficult situation.
He had a difficult job as tutor to ten students who had begun to regard him as the enemy. But she was beginning to view Bernard differently. Again she felt a tingling down her spine and knew she mustn’t give in to this strange insane feeling that was forcing itself upon her.
‘You see, Julia, in most hospital situations the surgical team meet the patient before they operate, don’t they? So I do like my students to be involved in the pre-operative and post-operative care of their patients, working alongside the full-time hospital staff.’
She felt her clinical interest rising along with the added interest engendered by simply being alongside this charismatic man. On this, her surgical debut day, when she wanted to use her skills and knowledge as best she could, she was also trying so hard not to let her personal interest in him get in the way.
‘Yes, as I told you, I would very much like to meet our patient. You said she was a surgeon?’
‘An extremely eminent surgeon here in France. As a student I was very much in awe of her.’
‘So you’ve known her a long time?’
He smiled as he looked sideways at his demure companion,
looking so fresh, so young, so infinitely … he checked his thoughts … capable. Yes, she was capable. That was all that mattered.
He composed his thoughts again. ‘I feel we shall experience full co-operation from our learned colleague. She was a great help when I was a young student in Paris.’
They walked together along the corridor, he adapting his stride to her slower pace. In the orthopaedic ward Bernard led her into one of the single rooms.
‘Hello, Brigitte. How are you this morning?’
The patient, who was seated in a comfortable armchair by the window, smiled and put down her newspaper.
‘Bernard! I’m very well, thank you, and so relieved that I’m going to have my operation today.’
He introduced Julia as a well-qualified doctor from England who was working towards a career in orthopaedic surgery.
‘Julia has had a great deal of surgical experience. She has been mentored by our esteemed colleague Don Grainger and comes to us with his own high recommendations.’
The patient smiled. ‘High praise indeed from Don.’
‘Well, he’s been Julia’s tutor since medical school and he wrote in glowing terms about her capabilities. So much so that I’ve decided to tell my designated assistant to remain on standby in the theatre. I may or may not need him. How would you both feel about that?’
Brigitte leaned forward towards Julia. ‘I would be delighted to help you up the career ladder in any way I can, Julia. After the operation—at which, of course, you must assist—we must have a long chat. I truly miss my days in surgery but my arthritis cut my career short. I like to keep up with the latest developments, though.’
Bernard was waiting for Julia’s answer. ‘And how do you feel about assisting with the surgery, Julia?’
‘Very honoured.’ She felt confident. Why shouldn’t she be, with such generous support from the patient and professor?
‘Excellent!’ Bernard smiled.
Jeanine, the orthopaedic sister, came in to explain that they were about to prepare their patient for surgery. Did Bernard wish to do a further examination? He said he would like a few minutes to show his assistant the extent of the arthritic damage to the hip. Brigitte, walking with a stick, made her way back to her bed and lay down with a thankful sigh of relief.
She pointed out the most painful areas of her leg, which were around the the head of the right femur. Bernard held up the X-rays so that Julia could see the extent of the arthritic erosion and they discussed the method they were going to use to remove the damaged bone and replace it with a prosthesis.
Leaving the patient to be prepared for Theatre by the nursing staff, Julia still felt slightly apprehensive but at the same time she realised how lucky she was to be given an ideal situation like this in which to move forward, gathering confidence along the way. At the same time she would not only be furthering her career, she would be easing the pain and improving the health of a patient, which was why she and all the members of her family had joined the medical profession.
She walked towards the medical quarters. She needed a few minutes of peace and quiet to gather her thoughts and focus on the operation in front of her. She no longer felt the need to check her notes. Every bit of knowledge she needed was stored in her brain. She’d assisted at a hip replacement before on several occasions, actually performing part of the surgery with an experienced surgeon hovering nearby, watching her every move, ready to stop or correct anything he didn’t approve of.
It wouldn’t be any different this time, except that it would be Bernard who would be doing the hovering. And this affinity she felt with him, this desperation to please him was something that unnerved her. It wasn’t just that he was her chief in this situation. It was something more than that. Something definitely emotional. An emotional connection. And she was trying to avoid emotion.
Where relationships were concerned she didn’t trust herself, judging by her track record. At least she should leave all emotion outside the door of the theatre and concentrate all her training and expertise on doing the best for her patient.
Bernard was waiting for her when she nervously pushed open the swing doors of the ante-theatre. He gave her a smile of encouragement.
‘OK?’
She smiled back with a confidence she didn’t feel—yet! It would come back to her as soon as she started working. Concentrate on the patient, she told herself. Don’t think about yourself. Remember the last time you assisted at a hip replacement. The outcome was excellent. The patient survived to live a useful life—and so did you!
She scrubbed up. A nurse helped her into her sterile gown.
‘We’re ready to begin, Bernard,’ the anaesthetist said over the intercom.
They were ready. Julia was aware of the bright lights as she followed Bernard into the theatre. Indistinguishable faces appeared as blurs through the transparent screen. She made her way towards the motionless figure on the theatre table aware, not for the first time, that going into Theatre felt very much like going on stage.
She was so involved during the operation that she had no time to worry about herself. Her concentration was taken up completely by the task in hand. She found herself working harmoniously with Bernard. Sometimes he would nod to her across the shrouded figure on the table, indicating that she should perform the next stage while he supervised. All the procedures came back to her immediately as her fingers deftly performed what was required.
Time flew by and it seemed only minutes before she was finishing the final sutures. At that point she suddenly became aware of Bernard’s eyes on her as they had been during the entire operation. She placed her final used instrument on the unsterile tray, which a theatre nurse was preparing to remove. As she did so she glanced up at Bernard’s eagle eyes above his mask. She thought he was smiling but she couldn’t be sure as he turned to speak to the theatre sister and began giving her instructions on the immediate after-care of their patient.
There was nothing more for her to do in Theatre. It was all over and she’d survived, and more importantly so had Brigitte. The patient was now being wheeled into the recovery room. As she made her way out through the swing doors, Bernard came up to speak to her.
‘I think a debriefing session would be a good idea this evening, Julia.’
As he held open the swing door and followed her out, she allowed herself to admit that the sparks of attraction she’d felt as his gloved hand had brushed hers during the operation had been difficult to ignore. And when she’d looked up once to the eyes above the mask she’d had to take a deep breath to remain focussed and professional.
She looked up at him as they walked together along the corridor. ‘Yes, that would be very helpful.’
‘Come along to my office about six.’
He was pushing open the door of his office as he spoke as if anxious to be alone again. The door closed behind him and he walked across to his chair. He had to admit to himself that Julia really was a natural. Everything that Don had said about her was true. What Don had failed to mention about his prize student was how attractive she was.
What was it about Julia that made him feel so physically moved when they were together? Even in Theatre, the place where usually he was at his most professional, he’d felt sparks of attraction. That time when he’d passed her an instrument and their gloved hands had briefly touched … He shouldn’t be thinking like this!
He had a difficult ex-wife to deal with, a wonderful six-year-old son who should be his priority. He shouldn’t even be allowing these insane thoughts to enter his mind. He leaned back in his chair and took a deep breath. That made it worse because he was sure he could still smell that subtle perfume that lingered around her.
Was he going mad? He switched on his computer and forced himself to begin writing up his notes on the operation.
Walking down the corridor, Julia had no idea what impression she’d given Bernard during the operation. He’d given her no indication of his assessment of her performance as he’d closed the door, seemingly anxious to get away from her.
Her confidence, which had been high in Theatre, was now wavering but she reminded herself of the way he’d reassured her all the way through the operation. Now that she had time to reflect, she thought he’d even smiled into his mask on occasion and nodded approval as she’d used her initiative. And she was almost sure she’d heard him whisper, ‘Well done!’ as she’d finished the final suture—or had she imagined that?
But did it matter what Bernard thought of her performance? If she was satisfied that she’d given it one hundred per cent and made life easier for her patient then that was what really mattered, wasn’t it? Seeking approbation from Bernard was not why she’d come here.
She walked away purposefully. She would make notes, be ready to ask questions and take the criticisms that would help make her a better surgeon in the future.
At six o’clock she was standing outside Bernard’s office, waiting for the second hand to reach the top of her watch.
‘Come in!’
He was sitting at his desk. He stood up and came towards her as she closed the door, motioning her to sit in one of the armchairs placed near the window. He took the other one and opened a file of notes. She put her briefcase on the floor at the side of her chair after taking out her own small laptop.
‘So how do you think the operation went, Julia?’
She cleared her throat and launched into the questions she’d prepared, going through all the steps of the operation from the first incision to the final suture.
He answered all her questions carefully and lucidly while she made notes on her laptop.
She leaned back against the back of the armchair as he answered her final question, and looked across at him. The expression on his face gave nothing away for a few seconds until he relaxed and gave her a studied smile.
‘Excellent! I like a student who has everything under control both during and after the operation. I’ve no doubt you’ll make a first-class surgeon.’
She breathed a sigh of relief. She’d sensed his approval but until that moment she couldn’t be sure she hadn’t been imagining it.
She smiled back. ‘Thank you, Bernard. So, do you have any questions for me?’
‘Just one.’ He hesitated. He really shouldn’t say what was uppermost in his mind. But he planned to be very careful if he felt himself giving in to the wrong emotions.
‘It’s been a long and intense day. Your trip shouldn’t all be about work, however. You are a visitor to France after all, so may I buy you a drink at the Maurice Chevalier?’
She hesitated for a couple of seconds. She doubted very much that Bernard had extended this invitation to any of her fellow students, but his offer had been very formal. She would be foolish to try and read too much into it. Finally she smiled and nodded her agreement.
As she closed her laptop and put it back in its case she was aware of the now familiar tingling feeling running down her spine. Apprehension?
Yes, but it was something more than that, she admitted as she felt the light touch of Bernard’s arm as he ushered her out through the door.
CHAPTER THREE
THE Maurice Chevalier was deserted when they first arrived. Julia breathed a sigh of relief. The last thing she wanted was to seen by her fellow students socialising with their tyrannical boss. She had mixed feelings about her motivation in accepting his offer to buy her a drink. Yes, he was thawing out towards her. But would her colleagues think this was favouritism? And should she be alone with him in a social situation given the insane feelings she’d been experiencing?
Very soon a trickle of sunset worshippers gradually filled up most of the tables overlooking the sea. She folded her white cashmere sweater on her lap as she sat down and breathed in the scent of the sea and this unspoiled stretch of the coast that she loved so much.
It was turning a bit chilly now that the sun had disappeared behind a cloud so she would soon have an excuse to wear the new sweater that she’d fallen in love with when she’d been doing some last-minute panic buying in London. She didn’t usually spend so much on clothes but she’d salved her conscience by convincing herself that anything that would boost her depleted confidence was a definite asset.
‘What would you like to drink, Julia?’
‘I’ll have a Kir please, Bernard.’
He nodded before going inside to the bar, returning shortly with her crème de cassis and white wine aperitif and a pastis with ice and water for himself.
She smiled as he placed the drinks on the table. ‘Thank you. I used to come here as a child with my parents and brothers when we were on holiday. My mother used to drink Kir. I knew it was a very grown-up drink but she allowed me a small sip. I loved the taste of the blackcurrant juice mixed in with white wine. As soon as I was old enough I tried one for myself and that became my favourite aperitif in the evenings.’
‘To your grown-up Kir, Julia.’ Bernard smiled as he raised his glass to her. He thought she looked so lovely now with the sun low in the sky on her face. What an enigma she was! To think that she had performed so self-assuredly in Theatre today and yet here she was reminiscing so naively about her childhood.
She smiled back as she took her first sip. ‘Mmm! So reviving after a long day in hospital!’
‘You deserve it after your performance this morning. I was proud of you—I mean, you’re one of the students I selected from a large number of applicants who wanted a place on the course so it’s good to know you didn’t let me down.’
He hastily drank from his glass of pastis with ice, adding some water so that he wouldn’t become too exuberant. He didn’t want Julia to misinterpret his remarks. She might think he … well, he fancied her in some way. Perish the thought, he lied to himself, knowing full well that she was a most attractive woman and he’d better be careful or he might go overboard in his admiration.
But putting that aside, he told himself sharply, trying to leave his admiration out of the equation, whenever he discovered a talented student he found it very satisfying, euphoric almost! But he’d better hold back with the praise so that Julia would work hard throughout the course and not let him down. And he must also be aware that his delight in her achievements had to remain totally without emotional attachment.
Nevertheless, it was certainly true that he found himself drawn towards her in a way that a professor shouldn’t think of his student. They were both adults, yes, but he mustn’t let this attraction he felt affect his professional judgement of her during the months of hard work ahead.
He looked across the table. ‘So tell me, Julia, what made you apply for this course?’
She hesitated before answering. ‘Well … er … having survived a disastrous marriage that had been a total mistake, I felt it was time to make a fresh start and get on with my career. My family background also contributed to my decision. Mum and Dad, who’d planned to be surgeons when they were in medical school, had then taken a more practical route to become general practitioners because they fell in love, married when my eldest brother was on the way and …’
She broke off and took a deep breath. ‘Sorry, Bernard, you don’t need to know all this.’
‘Oh, but I do. It’s fascinating! Your story is similar to mine, in fact. I too come from a medical background where my parents gave up their ambitions in favour of family life. Please go on.’
She felt relieved she wasn’t boring him. ‘Well, as I told you before, GP parents and three brothers, now surgeons, meant I had to be a high achiever to get myself heard in the family. Fortunately I enjoyed studying my favourite subjects. Only when I hastily married Tony after a whirlwind courtship and found it so difficult to find the time for study did I question the sanity of becoming a surgeon.’
She leaned back against her chair, her eyes temporarily blinded by the sun low in the sky, setting behind the hillside that swooped down into the sea. She delved into her bag for her sunglasses.
‘That’s better.’
She paused to gather her thoughts. How much should she tell him? He was a good listener, seemed interested, but was he simply being polite?
‘At times I despaired of my exhausting role of wife, stepmother, medical student …’
‘So you hadn’t qualified when you married. Why didn’t you wait until …?’
‘I thought I was madly in love! I’d never been in love before and the wonderful euphoric sensations I experienced when I first met Tony swept me along. For the first time in my life I entered a world that was quite different from my own.’
Bernard looked puzzled as he watched the vibrant expressions on her face. ‘In what way was it different?’
‘Tony was a very successful man, having made enormous profits in the building and property business, proud of the fact that he’d come from a deprived background and made something of himself. Money meant everything to him. He lived and breathed doing deals, buying expensive clothes for himself, for the children and for me. He told me he’d outgrown his first wife, she was lazy, an ex-model who’d let herself go and wouldn’t keep up with his aspirations so he’d set her up in an expensive house where she could bring up their two children. He’d bought a luxurious flat in London where he could continue his wheeling and dealing.
‘I found out later that his wife had divorced him because of his womanising, realising that she was happier without him. She’d been hoping for a huge divorce settlement but she was still waiting. Of course, I didn’t know any of this when I first saw him at the opera.’
‘The opera?’
She smiled. ‘Oh, it was a business deal he was doing with a client and he clinched it by taking this man and his wife to a performance of La Bohème. Anyway, I’d gone along with a group of fellow medical students and we were queuing at the bar in the interval, trying to get a drink.
‘Tony was in front of me and put on the charm when he gathered that we were all medical students. He insisted on buying everybody a drink before whisking me off to his table and introducing me to his business friends as a young doctor. With the benefit of hindsight I know I shouldn’t have allowed myself to be swept away by an unknown man who liked to flash his cash but I was still young, impressionable, and having had a cloistered childhood this whirlwind from another exciting world seemed the epitome of sophistication.’
‘But what about your own friends? Didn’t they think …?’
‘Oh, they were happy to accept the free drinks but they thought I’d gone mad … which actually I had, for the first time in my life! I’d always been so careful to toe the line and do everything my mother and father told me … especially my mother. She’d insisted I mustn’t marry until I was well established in my career. She used to constantly tell me about how she’d sacrificed her ambitions and forced herself to be content with life as a country GP, married to a GP, struggling with a huge workload whilst bringing up a family.’
She looked across the table at Bernard, who was hanging on her every word. She took a deep breath as she remembered her totally out-of-character stupidity in those early days of her relationship with the charismatic but totally unreliable Tony.
‘You see, I was totally blown away by Tony’s charismatic aura. I’d never seen anyone like him before except on TV or in a film. Looking back and remembering, I can’t believe how gullible I was in those days. I feel as if I’m remembering something that happened to someone else, a little sister if I’d had one, someone with no experience of real life—which, in a way, was exactly how I was. I couldn’t take my eyes off this tall, handsome character in the well-cut, expensive suit who seemed to demand attention from everybody who was listening to his deep, sexy voice.’
She paused as the weird memories from her past came back to her.
She took a deep breath as she watched Bernard’s reaction. Yes, he was a good listener and definitely seemed to want her to continue.
‘Tony was proud of the fact that he was a self-made man who’d come from a poor background. At the time I just couldn’t help admiring him and then the admiration blossomed into something more dangerous and I fell for him, hook, line and sinker, whilst enjoying the fact that he seemed attracted to me.’
‘So he was impressed by the fact that you were a medical student?’
‘Oh, he thought I was a good catch. He told me during our disastrous marriage that he’d thought I must be from a wealthy family because we were all doctors. How wrong he was! Our education was the top priority to my parents and that made a big hole in the family budget.
‘What I didn’t realise was that his business deals were getting fewer and further between and he needed to find a wealthy wife to help keep him in the lifestyle he’d got used to during his successful years. My parents met him for the first time at our registry office wedding. My mother could hardly disguise her dislike of him and she made no secret of the fact that I’d let her down badly. That hurt … that really hurt.’
Her voice faltered as she remembered the angst she’d suffered, knowing full well that it was all her fault, knowing she’d hurt her mother who’d given up so much to raise her family. She shifted in her seat, pulling the sweater around her shoulders as she glanced away from Bernard towards the beautiful seascape in front of them. Maybe she should stop talking about her past and give him a chance to recover from his busy day.
‘Bernard, you’re a good listener but I don’t want to bore you.’
‘Please continue! I’m fascinated. I can see where you’re coming from now. I do like to take an interest in the background of my students. As you say in England, it helps if I know what makes them tick, isn’t it, Julia?’
‘Yes, you got that exactly right, Bernard. You’re finding out what makes me tick.’
He leaned across the table. ‘I can tell you already, having known you only a couple of days. You’re aiming for the top and it isn’t easy, believe me. You’ll reach the next peak and what will you find? Another peak to climb!’
He broke off. ‘Please do go on. So you married this man from a different world? Were you happy at first?’
‘Well, for the first few weeks of our marriage Tony boasted to all his associates—I won’t call them friends because they were mostly hangers-on intent on helping themselves to his dwindling cash—about his clever young wife who was going to be a doctor. But the problem was that he thought I could pass my exams without spending time studying, be the perfect stepmother to his children when they came to stay at weekends, be a good hostess to his clients—and I quickly realised it wasn’t possible. That’s when it all turned nasty. His attitude completely changed. He seemed to think that by shouting at me he could turn me into superwoman, perfect in everything he wanted me to do for him.’
‘You have another saying in England—marry in haste, repent at leisure. Isn’t that right?’ Bernard was watching her reaction. ‘Was that what happened?’
‘Exactly! He changed completely once the ring was on my finger and he realised my family hadn’t endowed me with money. One of the things he told me before we married was that having fathered twins who were then five, a boy and a girl, he didn’t want any more children. It was a struggle to come to terms with that because I’d always hoped I would have children of my own when I’d established my career.
‘I subjugated my own desires for parenthood by immersing myself in taking care of my stepchildren. I loved those two as if they were my own and it was a terrible wrench when we split up and I lost all contact with them.’
Bernard noticed the emotional waver in her voice as she said this. Yes, he could see she would adore starting a family. Warning bells were ringing in his head. He mustn’t get too familiar with her.
‘So what caused you to split up?’
‘It was pressures of my work and trying to take care of my stepchildren. Tony, not being from a medical background, just didn’t understand. I adored the children, bonded with them and began to put them before my medical studies, but Tony was still dissatisfied with the amount of time I could spare him. He began to look elsewhere.
‘Everything came to a head one fateful weekend just six months after we were married. I was trying to get to grips with some revision in the study and was working on my computer when he flung open the door and told me to leave all that medical stuff and get into some expensive clothes. It was important that I should get out of my scruffy tracksuit and tart myself up so that I looked drop-dead gorgeous. He’d been speaking to a prospective client and he was taking him and his wife out for lunch. The wife, apparently, was a real doll and knew how to dress so I’d better make the effort.’
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