The Baby Sleep Book: How to help your baby to sleep and have a restful night
Martha Sears
William Sears
Drawing on considerable experience as both parents and professionals in the paediatric profession, the best-selling parenting experts Dr. William and Martha Sears have produced the definitive guide to the frequently fraught and troublesome topic of sleep.The Sleep Book is designed as a practical and contemporary guide to parenting, ensuring you can get your child to sleep and making sure night time isn’t dreaded. Containing the latest medical research, and providing informed and considered advice on all the issues, this book offers guidance and support to keep you and your child rested and refreshed.Includes advice on all aspects of sleep such as:• 8 infant sleep facts every parent should know• 31 ways to get your baby to sleep and stay asleep• Bedwetting• Hidden medical causes of night waking• Sleep trainers• Night weaning – 12 alternatives for the all-night nurser• Night terrors• 5 reasons why high need infants sleep differently• Sleep safety• SIDS: the latest research on how sleeping with your baby is safe• Co-sleeping: Yes, No, SometimesAn invaluable resource for parents of young children, The Baby Sleep Book provides guidance on how to get your baby to sleep, what to do if he wakes up to often, what to do if he sleeps to much. It also helps with moving the place of sleep, sleepwear, managing the sleep time of more than one child, and night time feeding.
Dedication (#ulink_e2ae23dc-2e52-5340-bada-2fbe78fc0996)
to our children – who now all sleep through the night
James
Robert
Peter
Hayden
Erin
Matthew
Stephen
Lauren
and dr bob’s
Andrew
Alex
Joshua
contents
Cover (#uddcd2dfd-cebc-5009-a3fe-227a5028c847)
Title Page (#u90571a74-0531-5a93-b999-b7ca78392b45)
Dedication (#ulink_3892e544-81f1-59e7-981d-9af3e8eda564)
A Restful Word from Dr Bill (#ulink_cc0f486c-d933-596c-ac83-5a7219d2a6e9)
chapter 1: five steps to get your baby to sleep better (#ulink_dcfda074-9a13-500f-9907-0744e8ca9168)
Step 1: Find Out Where You and Your Baby Sleep Best (#ulink_fd657c3d-2b68-5028-b084-92bf2a2f0533)
Step 2: Learn Baby’s Tired Times (#ulink_5177f663-268a-5d27-980b-44fc2d6a086e)
Step 3: Create a Safe and Comfortable Environment Conducive to Sleep (#ulink_2fbed838-3e2b-5b03-81ea-ee2bbc68f60f)
Step 4: Create a Variety of Bedtime Rituals (#ulink_5df6629b-a247-5edd-833e-ff67e52f5126)
Step 5: Help Baby Stay Asleep Longer (#ulink_8a877a6d-b8ee-576d-9c2e-1378d2e313e5)
Keep a Sleep Log (#ulink_d2af3a9e-0ced-5609-9a0d-2a46619768a3)
chapter 2: fifteen tips to help toddlers sleep
What Toddlers Learn at Bedtime (#ulink_b38c135a-80b8-56e7-bb70-c9d56f102e24)
Easing Your Toddler Off to Dreamland – Fifteen Tips (#ulink_64050997-9530-530e-b1c8-626109eca523)
Teaching Your Young Child to Fall Asleep Alone and Happy (#ulink_97f140c0-e66e-5989-85ee-4604a9f63fc5)
FAQs About Toddler Sleep (#ulink_a194dac1-d841-58b0-9b56-c2484f55f0f2)
Why Nighttime Parenting Matters (#ulink_9ed698a8-b386-5252-a6e2-53b90cf7272d)
chapter 3: the facts about infant sleep and what they mean for parents
Learn the Facts of Infant Sleep (#ulink_488364f5-587f-5528-96f5-f04376904a21)
How Babies Sleep at Various Ages (#ulink_5f4dae7b-dcb7-57d1-869e-abb30aeed535)
Why Babies Wake Up (#ulink_3cc235c4-85b4-5a83-9768-bba34bd1dbb6)
Normal Night Noises Sleeping Babies Make (#ulink_20f9b6df-7e5b-5139-ab4a-8d43338edaed)
Adopt a Nighttime Parenting Attitude (#ulink_c854c592-67b1-51b3-9d59-3cebb54c954d)
Unclutter the Daytime Life of a Nighttime Parent (#ulink_c3eb27e7-013e-5e93-8b14-455517b8644c)
Get Connected (#ulink_1b80bf41-f777-599c-8ff9-2a36bc875b67)
Get to Know Your Baby’s Sleep Personality (#ulink_8725950a-fcda-5ff9-bee5-51623bd1d25c)
Matching You, Your Baby, and Your Sleep Plan (#ulink_842dea71-5c1f-54a8-bc6e-9fedd9cef594)
Sleep Safety (#ulink_860464dd-d3c3-53aa-bd6e-dcd79a0b0203)
chapter 4: meet different families with different sleep plans
Newly-Born or Soon to Be (#ulink_75b3ff2c-765a-5a70-b2f5-029d9790b18c)
Doing it Differently with the Next Baby! (#ulink_081bd31a-0c91-5931-86e3-a305da9b696a)
Baby Training (#ulink_06e2df42-5f09-5e62-b880-45c998f0ba97)
Baby Fights Sleep (#ulink_0b96c986-3086-5012-8ed3-72055c6eed05)
High-need Sleepless Baby (#ulink_b0c8b3c9-034f-5e37-a484-ffa8d451a337)
Painful Night Waking (#ulink_2323c75e-9fb9-58db-b77a-1e5491cbbbe2)
Won’t Sleep Well in Cot (#ulink_f499bfee-9134-56d9-84a7-4a43657b3d1c)
Feeding All Night (#ulink_de870a57-7e98-5991-a7df-ebb61dbd8701)
Family Burned Out from Frequent Night Feeding (#ulink_f320d63e-1957-57e1-bc57-f73643238a32)
chapter 5: the joys of sleeping with your baby
Our Co-sleeping Experiences (#ulink_141dc68c-3e48-5aab-84d4-d1e5a1e235ec)
The Truth About Co-sleeping (#ulink_bdc5207b-56ad-521d-96b7-ce4409cdbfb3)
Our Co-sleeping Experiments (#ulink_2c218fad-0ca1-579f-a41c-e7a37e0509c6)
Science Says: Co-sleeping is Healthy (#ulink_9dbb1360-f08d-5821-a78c-475ae265ad87)
Nine Benefits of Co-Sleeping (#ulink_67768165-61f9-5262-8d67-c1e1ff9083f7)
Nine Ways to Make Co-Sleeping Easier (#ulink_125f143f-4648-55da-8e29-07f171164765)
Common Co-Sleeping Questions (#ulink_d6d7e0d3-1ca6-5985-b7e1-ed463c037e79)
chapter 6: night feedings and nightweaning – when and how?
Ages and Stages of Feeding at Night (#ulink_aeaab4e7-069d-552c-a894-d6acef1d0b39)
Fifteen Ways to Make Night Feeding Easier (#ulink_fedf7a20-3b77-5857-adaf-031a98ff15b7)
Thinking About Cutting Back on Night Feeding? (#ulink_8d4e22f5-8e96-51cc-a38f-1a93292cd150)
Twelve Tips for Getting Baby to Feed Less at Night (#ulink_8f6619f3-186b-5ab2-8ea1-08c7365136cf)
chapter 7: moving out! tips for transitioning to a big kid’s bed
Five Steps to Easing Your Kids Out of Your Bed, Out of Your Room, and into their Own Room (#ulink_d22453d0-e436-571e-b64e-2fd182daf3f3)
Getting Your Child to Sleep Independently: A Case Study (#ulink_e5bc1e8e-9154-526f-bde2-f3a739c1a0fa)
chapter 8: twenty-three nighttime fathering tips
Part One – for Dads (#ulink_97e19f0e-c247-547f-b6a8-891bf02d0a02)
Part Two – for Mums (#ulink_9c374e28-6eef-5eed-8ca3-319a959da347)
chapter 9: naptime strategies that work
Creating Healthy Nap Habits (#ulink_68bc2c1d-4c12-53cd-bf92-0d15ac74d159)
Getting Baby to Nap at Predictable Times (#ulink_4f95d925-afec-5159-bc97-7e7b5419190a)
Winding Down the Reluctant Napper (#ulink_7d14d719-b315-514d-af19-db7ca06ba45e)
FAQs About Naps (#ulink_538f8f00-32ee-5c5a-9799-11f789cd4f0d)
chapter 10: should baby cry it out?
What Crying It Out Really Means (#ulink_bfd64c7f-5490-5fec-9c24-7fafc66f7823)
How Crying It Out Sabotages the Parent-Child Relationship (#ulink_ec5a00e8-fd70-5d38-8247-4a2012711a57)
Sensitive Sleep-Training That Does Work (#ulink_38f50840-3e5f-5a00-b4bc-4f402a8d9d0d)
chapter 11: hidden medical and physical causes of night waking
When to Suspect a Medical Cause for Night Waking (#ulink_c8eb8c28-d4aa-5479-86b4-e5bb1f122bba)
Gastroesophageal Reflux (GER) (#ulink_5744afbc-9880-5d5f-b5f9-472ca90dd1e5)
Food Allergies/Sensitivities (#ulink_f5a62008-dc7f-5438-b6f6-faf68af596a8)
Formula Intolerance (#ulink_c7534ee7-3bd3-5824-945f-f13ca2308d2a)
Stuffy Noses (#ulink_876b86d4-470f-5421-afcb-7c005bb741cc)
Ear Infections (#ulink_df10472c-e0d1-5662-9324-8681300a1611)
Environmental Allergies (#ulink_4b8a9b8d-e3a3-5345-aaf2-f0ee15c5219c)
Anaemia (#ulink_fbbc4244-661a-5972-a6bb-12652a3a5d8e)
Pinworms (#ulink_be7da338-8025-5d28-bd53-23384d6815cb)
Sleep Apnoea (#ulink_0d3b5704-5f86-5358-8204-70c00d027ccf)
Irritating Sleepwear (#ulink_41febb71-fcb6-5d85-81e3-30b3d60764f6)
Teething (#ulink_63ee9e1a-e8a5-5831-ac38-9d2b27abd30b)
Growing Pains (#ulink_e4b71d65-9e4c-54ad-a710-b04dc53520d8)
Nappy Irritation (#ulink_932f7374-e534-5933-86cf-d131e625d7eb)
Baby too Hot or too Cold (#ulink_17063e2d-38ba-52bd-a6fd-d1674ac9f6a9)
Bedroom Noise (#ulink_3417107a-3f24-58e5-a85f-0243cf9d91c0)
Separation Anxiety (#ulink_eb5457a7-c6fd-5cf1-a3a9-fde720ebf807)
chapter 12: nighttime parenting in special situations
Night Waking after Mother Returns to Work (#ulink_6a38bad1-4028-5158-9429-a1d48895d94c)
Night Waking in a Premature Baby (#ulink_89e13d7b-d00d-5ff1-b0fa-1952e5fed85b)
Twins and Multiples (#ulink_6fc66f09-541b-59a4-b299-079b27405008)
When Child Is Sick (#ulink_aa971edc-0043-5171-af5d-5bf2321ff097)
When Travelling (#ulink_720d9ba4-a824-51e8-ab5c-7d614ac204ab)
Moving (#ulink_30ed71f4-d4cb-515d-9e49-9dbaf0763f63)
When Dad Travels (#ulink_ac3c6109-4ece-575c-941f-d4bb419d9b76)
“Feeding” Baby to Sleep during Childcare (#ulink_32975e25-5995-5756-b676-d64158974d94)
Single Parents – Two Different Beds (#ulink_7d4dcdcf-54f5-50db-95b5-4c6de0fe2342)
Nightmares (#ulink_6849690d-b478-5708-a5e6-159d2bedb185)
Sleep Terrors (#ulink_34140668-5492-5090-9dc1-4f8f1aa14a1f)
chapter 13: eleven tips to help parents sleep better
1. Make Sleep a Priority (#ulink_ea030543-46d1-5628-877e-4ecee431e543)
2. Eat to Sleep (#ulink_f38659ce-f669-529d-a256-0dc31c8ee5b5)
3. Dress for Sleep (#ulink_fc6234b9-e90b-53f7-b7fc-54136c7c79f8)
4. Exercise for Sleep (#ulink_273bfde4-515e-5b2c-b969-e0ccc134ac08)
5. Enjoy a Before-Bed Bath (#ulink_1299466b-0484-5c0b-98ed-ff6d7114d94e)
6. Turn off the Tube (#ulink_6cdc7e80-c68d-5eda-961e-95b1d59ba9ab)
7. Don’t Worry, Be Happy! (#ulink_821e0464-17f6-5975-9916-71d933e6fcf2)
8. Sleep More the First Month (#ulink_efcbe8f7-24ba-5885-a5cb-811d842d8e4c)
9. Enjoy a Before-Bed Ritual (#ulink_773d611f-7a3b-58ce-b5e2-6b1d8d9f2097)
10. Nap When Baby Does (#ulink_6f4c3cfe-6fc9-59a0-8961-90f29d141b1c)
11. Make Nighttime Mothering More Restful (#ulink_97ba778d-d970-5066-aa5e-d7baa46ef068)
Keep Reading (#u4d06e613-bbd9-5d9f-a000-7f2d16c0ed07)
appendix a: music to sleep by
appendix b: bedtime books to sleep by – for toddlers and pre-schoolers
appendix c: references
Index
Copyright
About the Publisher (#ulink_978c9936-3910-5034-b6e9-2465067cdabf)
a restful word from dr bill (#ulink_4978dd97-b108-5785-b04e-fbefb6a2334f)
Each day in our pediatric practice we hear tired parents sigh, “If only our baby would sleep more.” In all our years of writing books and of practising pediatrics, our goal has been to do good things for babies and make life easier for parents. We believe that helping babies sleep better is not only good for them, but good for parents. Parents who get enough sleep at night will be happier during the day.
Over the years, we have devoted a lot of time and energy to the sleep problems parents in our practice share with us. We have offered these tired parents many suggestions for helping their baby sleep longer, and we have asked them to report back to us about which worked and what didn’t. We have also asked parents who have visited our website (www.askdrsears.com) to share their sleep problems and solutions with us. As a result, much of the advice in this book comes from parents like yourselves who have struggled to help their babies sleep, found solutions, and willingly shared them with us. You will find quotes (the ones in italics) from these parents sprinkled throughout the book. We’ve also taken the advice of these parents on how to write a book about sleep. They told us, “Cut right to the plan.” This is why the first two chapters of this book contain our step-by-step approach to help your infant and toddler sleep healthier and happier.
As authors we lose sleep reading many of the baby sleep books currently on bookstore shelves, since most of them are yet another variation on the tired old theme: “Just let your baby cry it out.” This tough love for babies is like training a pet, and taking this approach to parenting babies at night puts families in a lose-lose situation. Babies may eventually give up crying and go to sleep, but they lose their trust in their parents to meet their nighttime needs. This can’t be good for a baby. Parents lose because this quick ticket to the promised land of sleep keeps them from learning about their baby’s individual sleep needs along the way. Most baby sleep books preach the extremes: either cry it out (forcing baby to sleep) or tough it out (just hang in there). Neither of these approaches is fair to tiny babies or tired parents. Instead, ours is a sleep tools approach.
If babies could talk, they would say: “Please don’t force me to sleep; instead, teach me to sleep. After all, I’m just a baby!” Sleep is not a state you should try to force a baby into. It’s better to set conditions that allow sleep to overtake baby and that make self-settling and sleeping longer, easier and more attractive to baby. Yes, you read it correctly – self-settling, which does not imply selfish parenting. While newborns and young babies need help from parents to relax and fall asleep, older babies will eventually learn to settle themselves. Depending on their temperaments and need levels, different babies will master self-settling skills at different ages, but parents can do a lot to help them along. It requires commitment, time, and sensitivity to teach your baby how to sleep and how to go back to sleep. In this book, we’ll show you how.
how to read this book
In response to our “advisers” (sleepless parents) we begin this book by giving you steps and tools to help your baby sleep so you can begin our sleep plan right away. But, nighttime parenting is not just a list of sleep tools, it’s a relationship with your baby. So, if you’re not too tired, you may want to read chapter 3 first. It will help you understand how babies sleep – or don’t! After you’ve read the first three chapters then you are ready to put all these sleep tools together into your baby’s individual sleep plan (ISP), which we show you how to do in chapter 4 (#u773090a1-d507-5a53-88b4-4d4d8f15680d). The rest of the book takes you to a deeper understanding of all the sleep tools listed in the first four chapters. Promise you’ll read the whole book!
We could have just written a booklet in cookbook fashion with a catchy title such as Two Weeks to Sleeping through the Night – Twenty Tips. This has never been our way of writing. Parenting is too precious to be cheapened by such gimmicks. Instead, in this book we have taken our usual approach: giving you the tools to become your own expert in your baby and to help you work out your own style of nighttime parenting.
This is a book of options, not “should do’s”. There is no one-bed-fits-all approach to helping babies sleep. We will give you tools and help you select the ones which fit the sleep temperament of your child so that you can create an individual sleep plan. Helping your baby learn to sleep better is not like following a diet or exercise regimen. There’s a lot of give and take, and the options you choose to try will depend on your baby’s personality. Just as there are quiet and more active babies in the daytime, there are sound sleepers and frequent wakers during the night. Some high-strung babies are not fans of sleep in general and will need an extra set of tools to help them want to sleep longer.
This is also a book about options for different family lifestyles and different philosophies of nighttime parenting. Realistically, many parents juggle many different sleeping arrangements during the years their children are small. There are co-sleepers, cot sleepers, and families who play musical beds. One baby may start out as a cot sleeper and then upgrade to being a co-sleeper, and then back to a cot sleeper. There is no right arrangement for every family. The one that gets all family members the best night’s sleep is the right arrangement for your family. Yet, the key is to be open to trying various sleeping arrangements at various stages of your child’s development until you arrive at one that works for your family. The important thing is to keep working at it. Sleep is important. Higher quality sleep is associated with happier and healthier babies – and parents.
Nighttime parenting is a season of child rearing. Yes, your baby will eventually sleep through the night. Now, you may wonder how to get your infants down to sleep at night. In a few years, you’ll be wondering how to get them up in the morning. Remember, the nights of baby in your arms, at your breasts and in your bed is a very short while in the total life of your child. Yet the memories of your love and availability last a lifetime.
We wish you and your child years of restful sleep.
William, Robert and Martha Sears San Clemente, California February 2005
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