How to get married and not to get divorced in a couple of months. Manual for newlyweds
Инна Борисовна Кирюшина
A very relevant and exciting book written for a wide range of people looking for their own personal happiness.
The author is able to answer a wide variety of questions with humor and ease. Do you just think about your future or have you already had some experience of family life? Waiting for your fate, sitting at home or actively go on dates?
Read this book and you will be able to look ahead with the life tips from the Master.
Inna Kiryushina
How to get married and not to get divorced in a couple of months. Manual for newlyweds
I’m grateful to my husband Sergei for his emotional experience, his love and care with which he surrounds me.
For my son Kirill, who grew up a decent and hardworking man, having a perfect example of a real man before his eyes.
For my talented and beautiful daughter Svetlana, who grows a self-confident girl and makes everybody happy with her tenderness and kindness.
Introduction
I am a loving and beloved woman, a wife, a mother of two children – an adult son and a teenage daughter. I thought about finding a book for them that will help to choose a spouse, and, the most important thing is to make the future marriage truly happy. So first of all, I surfed the Internet, and then I went to the store to look for something suitable. And do you know what I found? Nothing!
What can I do? Just sit down and start writing… I think my thoughts will be interesting not only to my children, but they will help to see the underwater stones of a happy marriage for many people. You will find not only my thoughts about life, relationships and family life, but also a lot of gender secrets, intriguing and cognitive.
As I believe that the main thing in family relations is the ability to laugh, so the book is filled with cheerful and sad sayings, stories and anecdotes. Do not blame me if anything goes wrong: first of all, I am a mother, and you can forgive a mother for many things, including a style – sometimes edifying, sometimes – interrogative, but always – a loving one…
The book for him
Chapter 1
How to choose a wife or Like father, like son
And the Lord promised a man that good and obedient wives could be found in every corner of the Earth. And then he smiled and made the Earth round…
Exactly! It’s the old story but don’t minimize the importance of this information. When you meet a girl and fall madly in love with her, you shouldn’t forget: she is not alone, she has a whole «bunch» of relatives, even if the girl is an orphan. And all of them will secretly or explicitly appear in your life – in behavior, in appearance and talents of your children – so be sure to find an opportunity and try to learn everything about her father and mother, brothers and sisters, uncles and aunts.
«What for? – you will ask me – I love her so much! And she has no flaws!». I want to believe in it! But why is a divorce rate so high? Did all these princesses immediately become real witches as soon as they were put a wedding ring on their finger? Everything is very simple: we all are from the past. We were born and brought up by mothers and fathers, who had their own ideas about family values and rules of behavior in the family. You just need to know what they are built on, what is the value in her family, and what is not important. Do you understand and accept the rules of behavior and relationships in her family?
Life example
«Relatives are like New year – if you want it or not – they will come anyway»
Sergei was madly in love with Helena – she was perfect: smart, beautiful and from a good family. He had already decided to make a marriage proposal to his beloved but accidentally he overheard a neighbor's conversation, who was loudly complaining about Helena’s mother’s swearing and loud cries from their apartment.
It was an unpleasant surprise for Sergei because he grew up in a family where no one ever shouted at anyone, where it was customary to negotiate everything. He decided to postpone the wedding and look at the role of a man in the family of the woman he loved. And, as it turned out, for a good reason.
It turned out that Elena's father did not have the right to tell anything in the family, although he was a fairly successful businessman. More than once he was trying to leave, and only his decency and thoughts about two children kept him from taking this step. Helena's mother turned out to be an ungrateful and spoiled hysterical woman who was accustomed to achieve everything with shouts and scandals. Of course, Sergei admitted that Helen might be different in their family, but the only thought that her mother would come to his house and try to teach her daughter by virtue of her character – and she, of course, would come! – terrified him. And, of course, the grandmother will have an influence on his children in future.
Sergei had a very serious conversation with his beloved girl about the role of her mother in their family. Helen said her mother had a difficult character but she would not ignore her in their family life. Sergei made a complicated decision to break up. Only time will tell if he is right or not but caution and attentiveness will not hurt anyone in this situation.
The most important thing of this story is that the young man began to discuss the future family with his girlfriend. Few people do this but one of the most important factors of successful family life is the ability to speak frankly about everything, because without it you’ll find out nothing about a person you want to connect your life.
Think about your future family. Imagine it. It’s necessary to analyze your parents’ mistakes especially if they got divorced. Prepare to family relations and look closely not only at your girlfriend but at everybody who can have an influence on your family prosperity – her family – because endowments, features of character, commitment to family values, etc. are formed there, in her inner circle.
If she has grown up in a friendly and open atmosphere where people get used to stick together at any difficult situation, where your values and interests and her relatives’ ones interlace and the family for her is not the empty phrase – you are lucky!
But perhaps there can be the opposite situation, at the slightest problem she will rush to that place where she is appreciated and loved and where she will be always offered a helping hand to overcome the family misfortune. Then you’ll see neither her nor your child – such things have happened…
That’s why talk and check! Look and observe how she behaves at difficult situations, how she emerges from a conflict – on her own or following the advice of important people: relatives, friends, etc. From this we can conclude who is in front of you and how high you are valued.
Life example
Maria was 35, Egor was 37. She worked in a bank and he, Candidate of Physical and Mathematical Sciences, worked for one of the top-tier consulting firms. Both were Moscow residents. They met and fell in love. They applied to registry office in a half a year. The baby was born, and a young mother absolutely changed. Egor was met by always complaining wife, who didn’t have time for cooking, washing, ironing. He couldn’t understand: where was that gentle and understanding woman? Where was she? Mutual irritation had been accumulating until it turned into open hostility, and a divorce followed. The son was left without a father… Maria did everything they would never meet again, and she returned to her loving and understanding parents in her nest where no one ever required anything from her.
So, it happens: they seem like adult people, but they didn’t talk about it and looked in different directions, so their goals were completely different!
Ask! Feel free to ask questions! Listen to her reasoning! I understand this is boring, I understand you can fall asleep listening this twitter, but let it be better, as at that joke, when two friends meet and one of them asks:
– Hi! Did you have good time? Have you ever talked to your girlfriend about anything?
– You won’t believe: her tongue has even tanned!
Let her say, speak, tell, share, confess, but you listen and conclude why she is with you.
Chapter 2
Should you rebuild you partner for yourself?
Odessa. The wife says to her husband lying on the sofa:
– Sema, do you want coffee?
– Yes!
– So, get up and make!
-Then not.
– So, lie and do not tell a lie!
When we have the honeymoon phase of our relationship, we are often ready to do everything to please our partner. I deliberately do not use the word “beloved”, because this is not always the case, but on the contrary, more often it comes to meetings people you like or you need this person for one reason or another.
And we start to pretend we are not in reality: miserly – generous, lazy – quick, dirty – neat, etc. But time runs, and after a couple of months you can observe changes in the behavior and mood of the partner. Most of them are noticeable for those who begin to live together and communicate with a person every day. It becomes an unpleasant surprise for majority especially if you are in a hurry and have managed to “dirty” the passport with a marriage stamp. Moreover, it’s awful if the bride is pregnant or has already given birth and is completely unable and unwilling to take care of the child, or to take care of herself.
The last thing is the main fear for so many men – a fat and scruffy woman at home!
How to predict a similar metamorphosis? Is it possible to influence the situation? Of course, it’s possible! First of all, pay attention to her family: in what conditions did your girlfriend grow up, what was she used to? Neither any wealth in the family, nor the education play an important role. This is a question of habits, education, or personal qualities inherent in the individual. Anyway, it can be corrected. To tell the truth, in the case of habit it’s slower because if a girl isn’t used to do housework, then she will have that standard of cleanliness which was formed in her family or the place she was educated.
If she grew up in a family where certain habits were instilled from childhood – washing, cleaning, ironing – and she liked it and enjoyed it, so in new relationships she will do it without any enforcement, it is natural for her. But if she was forced to do this from childhood, then, most likely, she would not like to do household chores and she would try not to notice things and garbage lying around the house.
And here it is very important to start gently and tactfully engaging her in cleaning. First, together, and always praise for any initiative! Be patient! Even if she dyed your favorite shirt, having washed it with colored things; even if she chopped up a pile of dishes and the cookbook accidentally fell into the pan, praise her for her wonderful souptitles. All of this is not important! The main thing is that she began to budge and try. She is not your mother, she has no experience in managing a house, and it is very important for her to gain confidence in her abilities and skills, and you should help her with this!
Your task is to ignore these problems and praise her too salty soup, burnt cutlets, overroasted fish, awful pancakes and pies, stuffed with uneatable filling. Everything will be alright! Be patient to her work and efforts, and one day you will come to the house with a smell of delicious food. You will look around, kiss your little hostess and praise yourself for your intelligence, courage and pedagogical gift!
Summing up, we can say the following. Initially, when you have only met a person, ask yourself: “Who is she for me?” And if your answer is: “This is exactly the person I want to see next to me in five, ten, fifteen, twenty, twenty-five and etc. years ", then a surprise is waiting for you!
The fact is that a person’s character can change beyond recognition and changes every seven or ten years. For somebody, these are years of destruction and adversity, and one person becomes harder, more enduring and stress-resistant, while a different person breaks down under the weight of tests and begins to go with the flow. And your task is to determine who you have chosen for yourself. Will this person be what you imagine him to be? And won’t your girl return again to her habitual manner and habits which are so unpleasant to you? Should you give her any slack?
To summarize: a woman has a great need to talk to you. Even if you do not want to, you need to talk! About everything! Only by asking direct questions and getting full answers, discussing and listening to each other, you can build a real trust relationship with your woman.
And remember that only sincere and honest communication will lead to friendly relations. If a woman realizes that something is being concealed from her, that you get out of something, she begins to feel the danger and stop trusting her partner. And she begins to figure out! And she can imagine such a fantasy that you could ever dream of!
Chapter 3
Secrets of female sexuality
After the wedding night. He:
– Honey, I realize that I’m not the first!
She (smoking):
– Yes. And I realize that you’re not the last…
I have to say that the woman’s sexuality is a largely unexplored topic. And as more men are interested in it as more myths appear. Considering this topic from a physiological point of view, I will note that the effect of sex on marital life is extremely important for a woman.
When you first meet a woman, you pay attention to her external signs of sexuality: bosom, legs, waist. But this is only the top of the iceberg, and a completely inexperienced woman who knows nothing about her sexuality can be hidden behind external maturity.
What do you need to try to learn first?
1. Does she have any health problems (gynecology, thyroid gland, vascular diseases, diabetes mellitus)?
Do not be shy! Of course, these questions should be asked very correctly, but it’s impossible without them, because the health of her and her children is at stake. If there are problems, first of all she must heal and then plan to create a full-fledged family.
2. It is advisable to learn about her first relationship experience with a man: was it traumatic for her?
3. Does she have an orgasm?
4. What kind of sex does she prefer?
And let her laugh, but make her answer these key questions! Then you will understand how important it is to know because it will affect your whole life together. Let me explain why.
Women are great dreamers and actresses, but often this is what pushes them into the bottomless pit of lies and secrecy.
She is unpleasant, but she will depict pleasure. What for? Because it is accepted; in the stories of friends, movies, novels – everywhere they say that she should enjoy sex! And if it is not, then she must accept that not everything is all right with her. She is not accustomed to discuss these questions, there is practically no literature about this. I’m not talking about porn movies where every girl is a sex bomb with animal breeding instinct… Against this background, she really begins to feel differently – not like as it must be. He only touched her, and she already sighed and moaned, like she finished…
I'll tell you what you need to pay attention to, and what is not necessary.
She has already chosen you, which means that she undoubtedly likes you, and your task is «to be on top». Know and always remember that the main organ of pleasure is in her head! Yes, it is the place where the female orgasm is formed. And it is precisely this place that must be taken care of above all, rousing a woman. But from what place it will “flow” – that you will learn, having carefully studied it. The stuffed point G may not be between her legs at all, but somewhere under her knee or on her neck, and she can even change the dislocation… Study her, being very generous with your time, find out what she likes – tenderness, perseverance, speed or duration; in any case, I can say: the main thing – do not hurry!
Try to study the massage – starting from the feet, smoothly moving upwards along the body, gently stroking and cheering her on sexual exploits with soft movements. A woman is known to love with her ears, so do not forget to tell her how special, beautiful, and beloved she is. Do not forget to send her an SMS with declarations of love, but do not overdo it, otherwise she will think that you have nothing else to do. Pay special attention to her sleep: if a woman gets enough sleep, then her psychophysiological state will be in order and she will certainly try to please you too.
From a technical point of view, do not forget about additional ways to excite her: these are massagers and lubricants for intimacy with various pleasant effects, and sex toys, and everything that will help her to relax and enjoy as much as possible. Learn it: what touches her most? Eyes? Watch some erotic movie. Ears? Whisper to her, what a beauty she is. Touch? Often touch the most sensitive places, such women like kisses, strokes, touches… This is very important! Since few women dare to offer something new, basically the initiative comes from the man.
The attitude towards sex is very important in her family. Pay attention whether there is an atmosphere of openness between her parents. A girl who grew up in a complete family, where parents are not shy about showing their attitude towards each other – hugging, kissing, flirting – she will build the same relationship in your family.
Chapter 4
Sexual debut with a future wife: how does it differ from ordinary sex with a girl?
Life example
Revaz, an inexperienced boy of 20, had been dating 18-year-old virgin Anna for two years. They only kissed a couple of times. And, finally, their wedding day came… On the eve of the first wedding night, Revaz's father sat down for a “master class” in front of the television – to watch porn and talk about sex. The guy asked in surprise: “Dad, why are they screaming like that?” – “It's from pleasure,” he answered.
On the wedding night, Revaz passionately attacked his young wife. He perceived her screams as an expression of pleasure. The blood that appeared did not embarrass him either – he was sure that she was a virgin. After the third episode, she calmed down and no longer screamed – she died. In the forensic report, it was recorded that "as a result of a woman's vaginal spasm, which was overcome by a man by force, a rupture of the vagina was formed."
The young husband didn’t know that the girl also had hemophilia.
Is it a sad story? Yes, it is. And the same mistake – they were talking but not about that… So, if you want your first experience to be positive, you need to do the following:
– I repeat, you should know the nuances related to the health of your bride;
– treat her like a crystal vase: gently and carefully.
The debut of your sexual relationship will be remembered forever, so you should take care of the details: scented candles, quiet music, tasty wine, new bed linen.
The main thing is not to be led to her tricks, even if she is rushing you so that she won’t be able to “average” your sexual relationship. Know that women don't leave such a man, they always remember him, they think about him and are very afraid of losing.
The woman has a great need for tenderness. Drawing pictures full of sexual fantasies, she imagines caresses, kisses and gentle touches in her head. It relaxes a woman and gives her pleasure, which she likes to remember later.
Remember about contraception! Condoms and lubricants should always be kept handy – this is very important because your sex must be protected. Prevent an unplanned pregnancy, while you are not sure. It shouldn’t happen like in that joke: "One awkward movement – and you are a father." And do not hope for her in this matter: you are the main “giver”, and it depends on you whether the child will be or not. It’s unusually to read, right? However, you must admit, this is true!
Carefully follow your beloved, for her mood and well-being. If she is not ready, postpone your debut until tomorrow, she will definitely appreciate it. You must be alone! No one should hear or see you. Close the door so that no one can enter.
It is assumed that you have to live a long and happy life with this person, take it as a rule to study her menstrual cycle, and also to find out during what period she is ovulating: you will understand her mood swings (women usually become more irritable several days before menstruation and during it). Moreover, you also need to know what day she is ovulating, if you don’t want to get a surprise in nine months.
As it was mentioned above, the harmony of marital relations to a certain extent depends on the motives of the future spouses to marry. Of course, it is believed that the overwhelming majority of men and women enter into a marriage union for love, but the strength of this feeling changes with age and under the influence of all sorts of adversities, therefore the main task is its preservation and multiplication. Key moments in life such as the sexual debut leave wonderful memories, and it will be an additional “bridge” for female love, so that it will not disappear.
And stop talking about her! Let’s talk about you. It usually happens that the first sex or the sex with a new partner is very confused and fast. It’s because of your hormones that are in a hurry to take advantage of the situation. As a result, you have premature ejaculation, if you just touch a naked woman.
So, what do you do? Should you be led by your hormones? Of course, but don’t do it spontaneously, try to prepare. In order not to become a “minute man” and not to look inexperienced and funny in the eyes of your partner, try to create suitable conditions for yourself:
– A glass of wine (do not overdo with alcohol, it is also a common mistake for inexperienced guys!);
– a darkened room (but not total darkness, you must see a partner);
– do not rush! Petting should be slow and gentle, it is necessary to increase the pace slowly, carefully listening to yourself. The main thing is to look at all her body kissing and do not hesitate to ask her for help if it is required;
– do not forget about the condom! You will not only protect yourself and your girlfriend from an unwanted pregnancy, but you can at least slightly reduce the sensitivity of the penis, which will be very useful in this case;
– do not forget about the lubricant: apply it on the condom after putting it on, this will add ease of sliding to you (and this is what prolongs sexual intercourse!) And it will add pleasant sensations to the girl.
If you have no experience at all or it is insufficient or unsuccessful, do not dwell on it, this is not a reason for complexes! Everything will come with time.
And I also want to add: you should know that the size and structure of the partner's vagina adapts a bit to a regular partner after a while, so your sex will be more and more pleasant for both of you each time, and let you do it as in that joke:
– You know, I want to admit to you, I have no experience at all, I am a virgin! I’ve dreamed only of you and saved myself for you!
I don’t even know what to tell you… Actually, I always like experienced men.
– And I am a very experienced virgin!
Chapter 5
The hysterical woman: how to understand her?
From the woman's diary:
Schedule for tomorrow:
1. Hysterics.
2. Shopping.
Such a trait of a female character, as hysteria, causes first bewilderment in men, then fright, and then indignation, and often it is she who is the trigger for thinking about divorce. Let's see what's wrong.
Indeed, it is believed that hysteria is a woman's prerogative. What is the reason for it? First of all, the same hormones! Women are very different from men in hormonal status. Their hormonal background is not only very diverse, compering to men, but also less stable, as it is subjected to a monthly shake due to the menstrual cycle. The main female hormone is estrogen, it is the main “builder” of a woman as a woman. And deviations in its hormonal system in one direction or another sometimes cause hysterical seizures, which are accompanied by shouts, sometimes aggression, crying, unpredictable mood swings, etc.
Most often it is inherited, but sometimes it is acquired. So, do not be scared, at first just wait till her "fit" is over, and then talk to her about it, pay her attention to health, especially to the thyroid gland, take care and bring her to the endocrinologist: let her pass the necessary tests and consult with a doctor what should be done if treatment is required.
Nowadays it is fashionable to have a slim figure, and men are proud of their fragile girlfriend and how gracefully she looks. However, it is also a trigger for the formation of hysterical nature. Why? A woman who denies proper nutrition and deprives herself of fats and carbohydrates does not support their necessary balance in the body, as a result of which her nervous system suffers. Simply put, her hysterics is the result of starvation, and only. This can lead to two the most fashionable diseases of our time: anorexia and bulimia, which are very difficult to cure, as not only physiology is affected, but also neurology and the brain. In fact, this is the same like drug addiction or alcoholism. So, think what is more important for you: a healthy and calm woman with a couple of extra kilos or an incurable hysterical woman with a thin waist, disgusting character and a sore head that torments you, your children and everyone around you with constant hysterics?
Sometimes banal fatigue is the reason for hysteria. A woman is often ready to take on too heavy burden, both physically and morally incommensurable with her capabilities, and as a result – hysteria! Help her, and maybe everything will be normal.
Sometimes hysteria accumulates as a result of sexual abstinence or lack of discharge. A man lives himself and believes that everything is fine whereas a woman suddenly explodes and attacks him with some false accusations, and only good sex can calm down the raging hysterical woman. A woman often refuses sex, saying that she has a headache, and does not think that her head can hurt due to lack of sex. Think about it!
In fact, there are a lot of reasons for hysteria. How to help your beloved when she feels bad? Try to understand her. Notice that at the very moment of the hysteria she, as a rule, openly begins to talk about what she was silent about and what she kept, what brought her to this state. Listen to her requests, expressed in such a way when you have the ringing in your ears. Believe me, she is no better now than you! Sympathize with her and try to show maximum attention to her problem, calm her with the words that you are near, and you are together, and everything will be fine with you, because you’ve heard her.
Chapter 6
First morning
Morning after the wedding.
Husband finds wife all in tears in the kitchen:
– What happened, dear?
– I have been boiling this egg for two hours, but it is still solid!
The most romantic morning is the first morning that you meet with your beloved. Take care of it in advance. There are several scenarios of the original and unforgettable morning for her, so as for you.
Scenario 1
Prepare two identical T-shirts and mugs with your photos and the captions "My favorite husband" and "My favorite wife" in advance.
If this is a hotel, order breakfast in your room, and always with a bouquet of fresh flowers. They must be white! Congratulate and thank her for the warmth that she’s given you today, read the poems you learned beforehand, for example, this is a poem by Sergey Yesenin “Good morning”:
The gold stars are sleeping,
The mirror – pond trembles,
The down light comes creeping
And heaven's net reddens.
The birch – tree smiles sleepily,
Her silk locks free flowing,
Green earrings are rustling,
And silver dew glowing.
Tall nettles by the fencing
Their bright pearls are flaunting
And whispering merrily:
"Good morning!"
Scenario 2
This morning scenario is simpler, but also quite memorable. Wake up a little earlier, make coffee for two with small toasts with butter and jam. Having woken up, first of all she’ll see the breakfast prepared by you. But the main thing in surprise will be the pre-ordered (this can be done remotely via the Internet) a call to her mobile from some famous character or a politician. The reason for a smile is provided!
Scenario 3
Prepare an aromatic candle, a bottle of champagne, fresh strawberries and a can of cream in the evening. As soon as your sweetheart wakes up, you will be able to surprise her with a tasty drink and an unusual “breakfast”. Well, then you can combine, as your heart desires! The main thing is to know that if a girl has more:
– visual thinking – she likes to talk about love and relationships, often repeats the words “hear”, “speak” – it is better to read a poem about love or sing it (if you are, of course, ready and able to do it!);
– auditory thinking – she likes to be surrounded by beautiful things, likes to observe and often repeats the words “look”, “look like” – everything is important to be beautiful: flowers, a silver tray with beautiful cups or glasses, napkins and etc.;
– kinesthetic thinking – she likes to touch, to stroke and often uses the expression “I feel”, “it touches me”, etc., – things in her hands must be pleasant to touch: soft silk napkins, thin graceful spoons or a champagne flute.
Of course, it is impossible to write what girl belongs to what group, but if you look at your beloved carefully and listen to her words, you will understand how to act to make this morning unforgettable. The main thing to remember is all girls love the smell of freshness and purity!
And finally, a little more Sergei Yesenin:
Scarlet light of dawn appears on the lake.
Wood-grouses are crying in the forest.
An oriole is crying somewhere, buried in a hollow.
Only I do not cry – my heart is light.
I know you will come out for the ring road one day,
Let's sit together under stack of hay.
I will kiss you drunk, like a fervent boy,
I hope no one blame me for this simple joy.
You will lose your mask with my caresses,
I'll carry you drunk till the morning comes.
And let the birds cry at a lawn.
There is anguish merry in the awe of dawn.
Chapter 7
Are you ready for children? A simple test. A child in the family: the pros and cons
For many men, especially guys who are under 35, this topic is absolutely irrelevant. Why? Because life priorities are clearly defined in a different plane: sex, hobbies and work. Therefore, the partner is being looked for these needs – she must be beautiful, sexy, interesting in communication, she should not be ashamed to show in society, go with her to the club or to hang out with friends.
But time passes, and the biological clock and logic turn on: how old will I be when my child goes to the first grade or when will he go through a transitional age? And will I be his authority?
After all, it is not a secret to anyone that the older the parents, especially if they have not achieved particular results in life, the less prestige they enjoy with their own children. Moreover, children are often shy of their parents, because dad is not so fast and not very strong, he is not recommended any entertainment, which an unruly teenager seeks – clubs, discos, motorcycles, extreme travel, etc.
Adult dad is very different from his son in the psycho-emotional sense, as the difference of generations becomes deeper every year and children move further away from their parents due to the development of the Internet and new and new gadgets supplied to the modern market. At the same time, the older the parents, accustomed to live communication, the more they suffer from the fact that their growing up children are more and more far from them and go into the virtual world, and the less they have to communicate with them. It really is!
We assume that you have found a woman and is ripe for the birth of a child. How to check if this is the woman with whom you are ready to raise your children? Are you ready for the fact that she may become fat after childbirth, her character may change, and most importantly, her attention will be directed not at you, but at the little screamer? After all, it is not easy to survive the reduction of your position to a secondary place at all: to run errands, not to get enough sleep, to adapt to the life rhythm of the baby, to postpone meetings with friends, to plan weekends and holidays under the schedule of the child, to change diapers, etc., etc. If you answer yourself: “Yes, I am ready,” then…
… Let's do a little test, and maybe you will immediately understand something for yourself.
Answer the following questions:
1. Do you have a job and a stable income, which allow you to live well?
2. Why do you need a family? Is it the prospect and goal of your future life?
3. What is your hobby? What do you like? Is your hobby related to your family?
4. Remember your family. What was it like? Do you remember your childhood and youth with pleasure? What place did mom and dad have in your life?
5. Can you imagine what your child will be like? How will you raise him? Do you have plans for his future?
6. Who do you want more: a daughter or a son?
7. Are you ready to play with the baby? What toys are interesting to you?
8. If a girl gets pregnant, what will your reaction be? If you answer all questions easily, it means that you are really ripe for not just being called a father, but for being a father! After all, it is the child who strengthens the relationship between spouses, in the event that they are based on the desire for a long life together.
No matter how trite it may sound, children are like an energy drink: they give us strength, make us study, move forward and grow, look good, be always in good shape and look after our health.
And what could be nicer than meeting successful children? You see how they and your dreams are realized, how smart and beautiful they grow. I didn’t just switch to the plural, since the child needs both a father and a mother. Children grow self-confident, strong and smart only in a full-fledged and loving family.
Both father and mother give them the life experience and forces that will move them forward and help them build the same warm family relationships in which the parents grew up.
If a child has a correct life scenario and he grows up in a full-fledged family, in which there is both a father and a mother, it means that both he and his children will most likely go well; on the contrary, if the child grew up only with his mother or only with his father, then he often forms a feeling of envy towards full-fledged families and anger at this “unjust” world. So, most likely, the life of such a child will consist of mistrust and contradictions, and both parents will be guilty of this, because they were not ready for the burden of responsibility and problems, whose name is child.
Life example
Eugene was a cheerful, handsome and generous man.
His arrival in the small village of N. was noticed by all the girls and women, and in spite of the fact that he was married, Eugene was very popular.
He led the construction of the church, often stayed at work, he had no time to return to Moscow, and therefore, Eugene spent the night a local deacon’s home. Deacon's young daughter Nadezhda, realizing that this was a chance to get out of poverty, began to woo him. Eugene did not have to persuade for a long time, and he began living in two families: one in Moscow and the other one in the village of N.
Six months later Nadezhda discovered with «surprise» that she was pregnant and all the terms for an abortion had already passed. She told Eugene about it. He made a promise to help her to raise the baby. The child was born, the construction was over… Seven years passed. Eugene continued to visit the second family, but did it less and less. And then Nadezhda decided to take matters into her own hands and announced that it was time to go to school for a child, but there was no school in the village, so he, Eugene, had to make the child go to study in the hero city of Moscow.
At that time, the question of registration was strictly, and Eugene had to confess to the double life of his legitimate wife and ask her to register her second son in a Moscow apartment. After listening to him she became indignant and demanded a divorce. They broke up.
Eugene married the second time, and the family seemed to be reunited. But the problem was only one – the son. When a scandal arose, the son always rose to the defense of his mother and shouted at his father that when he was not with them, they lived well and peacefully. The father objected to his son: «Yes, you always lived well, but, so that you know, I paid for your good life!».
«I brought you everything: a balyk, and caviar, and money!». But he constantly heard the answer: «I remember balyk and caviar, but I don’t remember you». And he had absolutely nothing to answer, the mother raised her son in constant reminder that she was a family for him, she was a person he could rely on, everything depended on her: where they lived and what they did, and the father was the phenomenon of «coming – and – going out». What kind of affection and love could there be?
The son was very jealous of his mother, and every year this jealousy did not pass, but intensified. The older the son became, the more unbearable it was to hear derogatory words at him. Eugene understood that he had made a fatal mistake, including the fact that Nadezhda’s father was an alcoholic: at the age of 20 his son began to drink. And most importantly, during the formation of the psyche of his child, his father was not there and he would never be for his son neither a friend nor authority, but only an “ATM” to serve the needs of his son and wife.
That is why I urge you not to rush and think carefully about this difficult decision. And for this, get acquainted with the methods of contraception, which will protect you from unwanted pregnancy of a woman with whom you are not ready to have children.
Chapter 8
Male contraceptive methods. Condom – a savior from the ruined life?
The guy with the girl are having sex.
Girl:
– Dear, you just take care of me and protects from the pregnancy…
Guy (shouting):
– Take care!..
Definitely open, friendly relations between loving people are the best method of protection from unwanted pregnancy, where he and she together decide that they are not ready to have children yet, and they protect themselves together: he uses male contraceptive methods, and she uses female ones. And no one catches and deceives anyone. But such a situation is not always the case, so here are some tips supported by science and practice:
1. The safest and most effective is the use of a condom. It not only protects against unwanted pregnancy, but is also a reliable remedy for venereal diseases. Through the use of a condom the sensitivity of the penis is reduced and prolonged due to this sexual intercourse. There are isolated cases of complaints of latex allergy, but the best recommendation may be the additional use of high-quality lubricant.
2. The interruption of sexual intercourse is in second place among the methods of male contraception according to statistics. But we must remember: it is not only a reliable means of protection from pregnancy (its reliability is about 78%), but also does not protect against sexually transmitted diseases. Moreover, many men who have used this method for a long time, complained of a decrease in libido. And we should not forget about the knowledge of the woman's ovulation days, when the risk of unwanted pregnancy is especially high. It is necessary to protect carefully and it is better to eliminate sexual contact within seven days before ovulation and five days after completely.
3. If you already have two or more children and you decide that you don’t need any more, then you can use a surgical method of contraception – vasectomy. This is a quick operation that is performed within half an hour, and in two or three months after it is completed, there is no need for other methods of contraception. It is quite expensive, but its efficiency reaches 99%. But it must be remembered that the danger of sexually transmitted diseases remains!
4. Nowadays a new word has emerged in male contraception – male contraceptive pills. They contain sex hormones and contribute to the increase of testosterone in the blood, which, in turn, prevents the formation of sperm. This method of contraception is urgent, and if a man stops taking sex hormones, then his child-bearing function returns. However, the side effects of taking such drugs have not been studied yet, and therefore nothing can be said about this method of contraception. They are still undergoing clinical trials.
The same can be said about the novelty – the male contraceptive implant. It is a hormone-containing capsule that is inserted under the skin and inhibits the production of sperm, thereby reducing the fertility of a man for some time. But this method also does not guarantee reliable protection from pregnancy, and it can be harmful to men’s health.
I am silent about the lack of protection from numerous sexually transmitted infections.
Thus, the following can be said about male contraception: the most effective means is a condom at present, as well as an excellent knowledge of the physiology and work of the woman’s body with whom you spend your sex life. Therefore, learn to quickly and deftly use this reliable tool, plus “Miramistin” to help you, and sleep in peace as a baby's dream!
And if you cannot sleep peacefully? What to do if you are eager to have intercourse? There are different ways to reduce libido for a while.
1. Change in diet
Your task is to remove products that contribute to the development of the male sex hormone, testosterone, from your diet and increase the level of the female, estrogen. Therefore, try to eat less poultry, nuts, spices, dairy products, seafood, chocolate, as they stimulate potency.
On the contrary, increase the consumption of salt and sugar, smoked meats, beer, foods with soy, coffee, fatty meats, foods with a high cholesterol content – this is fast food, various pastries, soybean, corn and flaxseed oil (you should drink seven or eight tablespoons a day, adding a little lemon juice), various energetics and effervescent sugary drinks.
It is believed that the main enemy of potency is also alcohol, especially beer, which contains a lot of estrogen, a female sex hormone. However, if you consume too much alcohol, you can not only permanently get rid of sexual addiction, but also acquire a new addiction, alcohol, as well as problems with the liver and heart. Therefore, I would react with caution specifically to this advice.
2. Active sports can really help you. Full-fledged work with “iron” in the gym or long-distance running in summer, skiing in winter, group classes and team games – football, volleyball, basketball, etc. – will not only strengthen your body, but also make it strong and hardy. Serious classes cause severe fatigue, so your body will require rest and sex will be much less desirable.
3. During this period, various herbs, which can be simply brewed and taken during the day, help well. Mint, lemon balm, and St. John's wort have a sedative and light hypnotic effect, gently reducing the tone of the whole body.
4. There are also pharmaceutical industry tools that also reduce libido well, such as antidepressants, antipsychotics, blood pressure lowering drugs, as well as such drugs as Cimetidine, Finasteride, Omeprazole, Spirono-lactone, Disulfiram, but they can only be prescribed by the attending the physician after passing the necessary research and testing, because they can have a negative effect on your body and have a number of contraindications.
Why do I describe all this in such details to you? Look around. How many people living together are happy? I'm sure you will say that you can count them on your fingers. Moreover, according to the United Nations Demographic Yearbook, which includes global statistics on divorces, we are the leaders in this area: Russia has the largest number of divorces in the world! There are five divorces for one thousand people in our country, this is absolute leadership. These are unhappy children, who do not know and do not know how to create their full-fledged families in their turn, these are unhappy adults, lonely and often useless old people.
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