Issues Of The Heart
Job Mothiba
Most of us wander through life with severe heart conditions. I am speaking about more than just medical heart issue, but spiritual and emotional heart issues. These conditions come forth as a result of ignoring a wide range of heart experiences that we go through in life; including loss, grief, sorrow, joy, peace and contentment. Hence, our real blessings often appear in the shape of pain, loss and disappointment. For God often speaks through them. If He brings you to it, it’s so that one day you can turn around and help bring someone else through. And nothing is more beautiful than a smile that has struggled through tears. “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.” (2 Corinthians 1:3-4)
Job Motihba
Issues of the heart
Copyright © 2018 by Job Motihba
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, scanning, or otherwise without written permission from the publisher. It is illegal to copy this book, post it to a website, or distribute it by any other means without permission.
Job Motihba asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work.
First edition
ISBN: 9781387900473
Translation by Tektime
Agent: bulabuka.co.za
This book was professionally typeset on Reedsy
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This book is dedicated to my family, friends and all my spiritual leaders in the body of Christ.
“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,
the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort,
who comforts us in all our troubles,
so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.”
2 Corinthians 1:3-4
Contents
1 Foreword (#ud82e166c-14a6-51fe-bf68-2dee7355119e)
2 Preface (#uff6bfeca-bba1-5995-8e9c-bd157bbbf5a3)
3 Acknowledgement (#u0c7ba10f-42b1-5374-912f-5890fcf29799)
4 INTRODUCTION (#u027c543a-bc14-5204-b534-da9bb29b3a5b)
5 EMOTIONS: POSITIVE VS. NEGATIVE (#u73261079-e0ad-5bfd-b493-ee3e6ed382bb)
6 POSITIVE EMOTIONS: LOVE, JOY, PEACE AND HAPPINESS (#u4be5d544-5196-51ef-ae22-3f3b5f8299ab)
7 NEGATIVE EMOTIONS: HURT, PAIN, ANGER, LOSS, JEALOUSY AND REVENGE (#litres_trial_promo)
8 FORGIVENESS AND HEALING (#litres_trial_promo)
9 LET GO AND MOVE ON! (#litres_trial_promo)
10 BIBLICAL REFERENCES: (#litres_trial_promo)
11 About the Author (#litres_trial_promo)
12 Also by Job Motihba (#litres_trial_promo)
Foreword
Preface
The author is speaking about more than just medical heart issue, but spiritual and emotional heart issues, when he speaks about issues of the heart. When people misbehave it is not always because they are bad or want attention. It is a cry out for help. Since you don’t know the pain someone feels inside or the hurt they carry around. You don’t see how miserable they are feeling and, the fact that they are blaming themselves for stuff they had no control over. Such as death of their loved ones etc.
We all hurt and express how we feel differently. Some hide it deep inside until they explode. Some go to the gym or tell everyone they know. Life is not easy for everyone but, you can choose to help someone or you can choose to talk bad about them.
There are many people with depression, who cut themselves to inflict pain and some overdosed. You just never know the pain behind someone’s smile. They can hide anything with a smile and some lies that “I am great blah, blah, blah…” Let’s love one another. God loves us all “He is good to all, and has compassion on all he has created.” (Psalm 145:9)
Acknowledgement
Special appreciation and thanks to Cornerstone Christian Family Church and all the social media communities especially those on:
(facebook, twitter and Whatsapp).
facebook: Job Mothiba (https://www.facebook.com/job.mothiba)
twitter:job@jobmothiba
www.cornerstonefamily.co.za (http://www.cornerstonefamily.co.za)
jobmothiba@gmail.com
Cell: +27732084668
One
INTRODUCTION
When you were little, all you wanted to do was growing up but, right now that seems like scariest thing ever. There are things we never forget when growing up, the good and bad memories.
Remember the things you always wanted, you were always someone that craved love and attention. Some were bullied, rejected, challenged to fight and ran away etc. I don’t know about all of you but, if you can take five to ten minutes to pour out as many incidents as you can remember!
How does that make you feel now? That was part of growing up, after all, we were young and we didn’t know what life could be like at this stage. Because now you realise that you don’t always get what you wish for, you get what you work for.
I believe your list of those incidents good or bad, minor or major are endless but, you might be missing a very important factor which is God, for without Him none of those things would have been possible. He is still in control. Even if it’s so hard now to forget disappointments and pains of the past but, God never ignored anyone who would go down on their knees to ask for help in prayer. “He provides food for the livestock and for the young ravens when they call.” (Psalm 147:9)
Be transparent enough to ask, open enough to hear, and willing to think it through. For it can be easy to bury our pain deep in our hearts but, if one person shares, will encourage others to do the same and can cause the despair to be broken. So, say everything that’s in your heart. It is not about people’s reaction, it is about your freedom. “And the peace of God, which passes all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:7)
Perhaps, now it is a different story all together, what cheers you up or makes you sad may be different from the time you were growing up. But, it doesn’t matter what it is, when life expects something from you, show up and play your part. Be responsible. You don’t have to feel bad because you’re going through a tough time in life. Remember, that no matter how bad your situation may seem, there are tens of thousands of things to be grateful for in life. “In this world you will have trouble. But take heart. I have overcome the world” (John 16:33)
Two
EMOTIONS: POSITIVE VS. NEGATIVE
Human emotions are a gift from God, a good gift wrapped up in the very nature of us. If you check the word emotion, it contains the word motion, because feelings are fuel that move us. So, actions are natural followers when our feelings lead. And, unfortunately our feelings are not always the most trustworthy leaders. Much of the authors often quotes, “follow your heart”. But according to (Jeremiah 17: 9), it is not a wise one. “The heart is hopelessly dark and deceitful, a puzzle that no one can figure out.”
The heart is a place where impressions become feelings that result in motivations. If left unchecked, our heart can depend wholly on its own counsel and cause us to distrust others and the wisdom of God. That is why “be true to yourself” can be dangerous counsel sometimes because it depends on what kind of “self” is making demands. Therefore, following our hearts may ultimately lead to a paranoid and isolated life.
When we are “moved” with emotion, we tend to weep at a grave side or rejoice at the birth of a child, these are part of the human fabric and make us like Jesus, who wept and loved and; felt abandoned. (John 11:35, Matthew 27:46).
We show our emotions differently. Some feel more deeply, weep more easily and love with more passion than others. As someone may be thought or said to be “emotional” or even too emotional when they simply express their emotions with liberty.
For I know for the fact that sometimes, when people misbehave it is not always because they are bad or want attention. It is a cry out for help. Since you don’t know the pain someone feels inside or the hurt they carry around. You don’t see how miserable they are feeling and, the fact that they are blaming themselves for stuff they had no control over. Such as death of their loved ones etc.
So, next time you see such people, pray for them. We all hurt and express how we feel differently. Some hide it deep inside until they explode. Some go to the gym or tell everyone they know. Life is not easy for everyone but, you can choose to help someone or you can choose to talk bad about them.
I know people with depression, who cut themselves to inflict pain and some overdosed. You just never know the pain behind someone’s smile. They can hide anything with a smile and some lies that “I am great blah, blah, blah…” Let’s love one another. God loves us all “He is good to all, and has compassion on all he has created.” (Psalm 145:9)
We all make stupid mistakes in life. We do things we regret. I have also done many things that I am not grateful for, especially when in pain of the heart, of which sometimes I need help and support. I may have crazy ideas and those ideas don’t always work out right. But, God is great.
“...Greetings, you who are highly favoured! The Lord is with you” (Luke 1:28)
Smile, today is going to be a great day. Just trust God and know He would not let you fall. Everything is going to be alright, maybe not today, but eventually.
“… Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning” (Psalm 30:5)
Do you sometimes feel it in your bones that something is not right, (especially when you wake up in the morning) something that you have always known but, you do not know why?
Perhaps, every time when the sun goes down you also face another night of uncertainties. You wait for the world to spin around just to survive. But, when you see the morning sun burning through a silver mist, don’t you want to thank Someone?
Do you even wonder why in spite of all that is wrong there is still so much that goes so right and beauty abounds?
First, you woke up. Next, you got up. And now go ahead, finish the process by looking up to God and give thanks that you can see the sun of hope glimmers with promises.
Tell yourself that I am stronger than the challenges of yesterday, and the challenges of today will make me even stronger. “Do not rejoice over me, O my enemy. Though I fall I will rise; though I dwell in darkness, The Lord is a light for me.” (Micah 7:8)
So, begin your day with a light heart, breathe out the cold air of disappointment and breathe in the warmth of positivity. Let all your worries be swept aside or simply look beyond them and move into your freedom. Smile and share the love of God. His love for us compares no bounds. There is none like Him. None ever. “...He will quiet you with his love...” (Zephaniah. 3:17)
Moreover, begin your day in the Spirit and you will be conscious of the guidance of the Holy Spirit right through the day. Let God have His way, whatever the cost. Hence it is written: “No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him...” (1 Corinthians 2:9)
At this moment, you may feel sad, sick, disappointed, lost and alone, and you want to hear words of reassurance, words to calm your fears. Talking to your best friend is sometimes all the therapy you need but, I want to tell you that there is a friend who sticks closer than your brother. So, give all your anxieties to Him. He knows exactly where you are, how you feel and He has an amazing plan for your life. He sees your lack, suffering and pain. He will surely supply an opportunity bigger and greater than before. He will make a way. For He is for love, restoration, peace and hope. Open your heart and invite Him into your life. Just to be close to him, He will satisfy every thirst, every hunger and heal all your diseases. For everything you need is found in His presence. “He will supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:19)
Our feelings are real and they are powerful but, they are not more powerful than God and truth. There are days you will need to tell your feelings to stay home and rest, because they are speaking against what God is telling you to do. Do not let your feelings convince you to push your faith off the cliff because the problem showed up. You can suffer pain and yet still praise God. You can lose but, still gain so much more in spiritual growth. So, you have to command your soul (mind, will, and emotions) to praise the Lord because your feelings are saying otherwise. “Let everything that has breathe praise the LORD. Praise the LORD!” (Psalm 150:6)
Thus, if you do not have a devotional life, you will have an emotional life. For a devotional life produces a promotional life. So, stay true to yourself and never be ashamed of asking what God’s will is for you and stick to it. At the end of the day before you close your eyes, be content with where you have been, and proud of who you are. You are inferior to no one. Though others may treat you that way, but that is their problem. You are above all of this. People will always have their own opinions of you. It is their right but, it should make no difference to you. God’s opinion matters for you.
May the grace, love and peace of God be with you. Let not your heart be troubled.
Regardless of what you feel is wrong or right you must know that the enemy is always running after your soul. If he cannot devour you, he can at least make you lose hope. Since, there is a choice to make in every temptation because you are a free moral being, go beyond what you feel like doing and do what is right. Every time you do what is right when you do not feel like it, you are growing. Nothing is hidden from God’s eyes. He sees you everywhere but you are nowhere. Stay in one place, be grounded and bear fruit. “…Whoever believes need never be shaken.” (Isaiah 28: 16)
For what is designed to make us strong and mentally tough can also cause our blood pressure to reach astounding levels. Sometimes, it is the simplest and smallest problem or challenge that can push you over the edge. Because adversities are not predictable, there is no way of knowing when they are going to show up and interrupt your life.
With less or no confidence in God the smallest negative feedback will knock you sideways. You could be having the greatest day ever then, out of nowhere a hurdle appears in the middle of the track, without warning, and you find yourself tripping and falling. So, rather than letting that stop your forward progress, decide to make it a defining moment to keep moving forward. I decree and declare that all the unexpected situations and circumstances will not affect your mood and all that comes before you. “Let not your hearts be troubled...” (John 14:1)
Sometimes, there is no need to analyse every tiny thing. Even though some things are meant to be understood, others are meant to simply be experienced and appreciated and; then move forward. Do not spend one more day held hostage by sad feelings, emotions, and circumstances. Feelings do not run the show. There is a reality deeper than our feelings. So, do not let your feelings lead your life because many times, they choose the moment, not the truth. If you stop over- thinking everything, worrying and stressing today, your day will be so much better. Instead, tell someone they are appreciated today. It is one of the simplest, yet most incredible thing that someone can hear. Even if they are not having a bad day. You can make a good day even better. Just a little compliment can make someone’s entire day.
In fact, things which matter most must never be at the mercy of things which matter the least. Your mood should not dictate your manners. It makes people see what you are not, not as what you are. I believe that when we work on being compassionate and accommodating others without judging them, we will find that those around us respond the same. One word or one action, whether positive or negative can affect so many others.
So, be careful what you use in the formula. For every once in a while life will give you a dose of your own medicine. You must recognise that people are not required to think the same way you do on every issue under the sun. Just because it does not make sense to you, does not mean it does not make sense at all. Sometime you have to shut up, listen and accept that you are wrong. It is not giving up but, growing up.
However, there is a difference between giving up and knowing when you have had enough. People usually give up because it is easier than working things out, just as they lie, because sometimes it is easier than being honest. Besides, “An honest answer is like a kiss of friendship.” (Proverbs 24:26)
Learn to speak politely in the language that can be understood by others. Thus, language affects attitude and attitudes impact action. If you do, it’s done. If you don’t, it will weigh on your mind - like driving a car with the handbrake on.
Now, you may choose to look the other way but you can never say again you did not know. Hence, to know better and not do better is worse than not knowing at all. As the Bible say, “If anyone, then, knows the good they ought to do and does not do it, it is sin for them.” (James 4:17)
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Let me pray:
“I pray that whatever part of the world you are located, may you see the daylight. May light of righteousness shine unto you.” Amen!
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When people ask how you are, do you tell them what they want to hear, or how you really feel? I used to think there is bravery in hiding your emotions and courage in pretending as if everything is fine. Problems take root and grow, when you close your eyes and pretend. Open up! It allows your thoughts and feelings to be as they are, making room for them and letting them come and go as they naturally do. Nature cannot be fooled. It is not about feeling good, it is about feeling alive. You deserve to have a full life.
Sometimes it is harder to not say something, than saying it. Never be afraid to speak your mind, you have one for a reason. Saying what you feel it is not being rude, it is being real. However, certain things are better left unsaid. Just because you do not say certain things, does not mean you do not feel them. You can hurt yourself more than anyone can hurt you just by keeping all your feelings hidden. When you hide your hurt it may manifest in other areas and you become a prisoner of that hidden hurt.
Perhaps, you find it is so easy to open up all your problems to strangers because they won’t judge you and, when its people you know, you really do not want to tell them instead, you prefer to tell the whole world about how you feel towards something. Tell it to one who really cares to listen. Cast all your cares on Him for He cares for you, He is near to the broken and confused. I guess by now you know Who I am talking about!!! He said “…whoever comes to Me I will never cast out.” (John 6:37)
So, do not be discouraged and throw in the towel. Just give up the fantasy of how you think your life should have been and be at peace. It is time to let go of those feelings of guilt, hurt, shame and defeat; and put God first, knowing that with Him you have all the victory. “In all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight” (Proverbs 3:6)
And, if you ever feel useless, down and out, just remember you are still alive and you will get over what you think is a disadvantage in your life. May God take what looks like a liability for you and turn it into an asset and; have you first in your season as you acknowledge Him. So, rejoice, this could be your “cloud like a man’s hand” (1 Kings 18:44), a sign that your season is changing for the better. “The LORD will send rain at the proper time from his rich treasury in the heavens and will bless all the work you do…” (Deuteronomy 28:12)
Thus, no matter how useless you feel, you are someone’s reason to smile. Do not ever think you are nothing. Somewhere along the line, there is someone who truly thinks you are everything. However, you cannot expect someone to value you if you do not value yourself. When you stop judging, criticising your body and feeling sorry for yourself and begin to accept yourself, people will also love and appreciate you. Keep the smile, leave the tension, feel the joy, forget the worry, hold the peace, leave the pain, and always be happy. “This will bring healing to your body, and refreshment to your inner self.” (Proverbs 3:8)
You may be tired of going to bed at night with a vague underlying feeling that there is more to life than you are experiencing now. But, allow me to tell you that nobody has a perfect life. Everybody has their own problems. It is just that some people know how to deal with it in a better way. So, making bad decisions and being ashamed of the outcomes is part of life. Just forgive yourself. You are not defined by a moment. You are no worse off than anybody else. Stop believing the worst about yourself. When you feel the need to be resentful, or angry, or to feel sorry for yourself, remind yourself to be thankful instead. Because someone somewhere may be wishing and praying to have the same life as yours. Thus, the first and the best victory is to conquer self.
Do not feel resentful because life has not given you what you want yet, your time will come, just have a little faith and be true to yourself. However, you cannot always wait for the perfect time. Sometimes you must dare to jump..! But, start somewhere. The only job where you start at the top is digging a hole, hence you ought to start somewhere. The day you get comfortable is the day your real opportunity passes you by. Every day you wait is another day you would not get back. The discipline of writing something down is the first step toward making it happen.
You may have great intentions but, unless you let your actions speak louder than your words, nothing will ever unfold. A real decision is measured by the fact that you have taken a new action. If there is no action, you have not truly decided. “...The people who know their God will display strength and take action.” (Daniel 11:32)
In the meantime, I would like to encourage you to enjoy life by limiting your emotional baggage to a small carry-on. Sometimes you just got to leave people to do the things they do, trying to hurt you. But, you know you are matured when you realize that every situation does not need a reaction. There is a huge amount of freedom that comes to you when you take all to God in prayer. Just like Jesus, “He did not retaliate when he was insulted, nor threaten revenge when he suffered. He left his case in the hands of God, who always judges fairly. (1 Peter 2:23)
Perhaps, some have not apologised to you because they are ashamed of their actions. Forgive them anyway, be okay with a sorry you never got because forgiveness un-blocks your blessing. Do it, you are worth it. May God’s favour find you, causes you to be at the right place, at the right time, giving you good success.
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“May God’s glorious name forever receive honour. Amen.” (Galatians 1:5)
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Three
POSITIVE EMOTIONS: LOVE, JOY, PEACE AND HAPPINESS
(a). Love (The love of God)
Love is a feeling, a deep feeling that bring lots of emotions. It involves feelings of exhilaration, intense passion, and ecstasy. When you are in love with someone, it touches our body, soul and spirit. You are there to care, support and work together to solve problems. You’re willing to stand by this person in good times and bad. As there are different types of love but, there is only one love, same feeling deep in our heart and mind.
Thus, love is not only between man and woman or children and parents but between family and friends. For love takes its origin from God. It is by love which God is known. When He puts two persons together, He also put love so that they can love and support each other in marriage.
Today, many people has made this pure word become dirty, love is not sex and sex is not love. God in his infinite wisdom designed our bodies to give and receive pleasure in the confines of marriage. “God’s will is for you to be holy, so stay away from all sexual sin that each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honourable.”(1 Thessalonians 4:4)
But, God’s love is different from people. For it is divine and perfect. It converts the soul. It is better than all rubies, diamonds, and riches untold. To know him is to love him, obey and follow his commandments. However, obedience is not the evidence that you love God. Love is the enablement to obey Him. If you love Him it is easy to keep His commandments. For there is nothing you can do to make your “Heavenly Dad” love you any less or any more except by following His statutes. Just as He said in His words: “If you love me, obey my commandments.” (John 14:15)
It can be way too easy to forget the love God has for you, when we live in such a dark and broken world. But, today be assured that He loves you. The mistakes you did yesterday do not dictate the love that God has for you today. For God sees us as we can be and loves us as we are. Likewise, do not look at people through eyes of judgment; look at them through eyes of mercy. For you do not know what they have been through. Be merciful, just as your Father also is merciful. (Luke 6:36)
Unfortunately, people who are supposed to love us are not always able to give us the kind of love we need. Whether they are friends, mothers, fathers, grandparents, significant others, siblings, family, no matter how good their intentions are, sometimes they leave us still feeling empty, invalidated, un-cared for, and alone.
And on the days when that pain becomes too much to bear, our work is just to recognise that those people whose love we so desperately want are never going to be able to meet our needs. Not because they do not care but, because they cannot change who they are. They are human beings, only God can fulfil our every need. Because His love is unfailing. It is never changing. It is a greater love than anyone else in the world. Therefore nothing in all creation can ever separate us from God’s love for us in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8:39)
No matter who you are, if you allow God to shape your life, you can be used by Him for great things. There are times when God will use you in someone else’s life; though it may not be pretty or comfortable but, they also need to see Jesus through you. Those who walk in God’s new kind of love never injure anyone so, never take advantage of anyone. Simply walk and live in God’s love. Because people do not always need advice. Sometimes all they need is a hand to hold, ear to listen and a heart to understand. “Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labour in the Lord is not in vain” (1 Corinthians 15:58)
This is a time to love and appreciate those around you - near and far. To prioritise and to start over. Start loving yourself for everything you already are. Stop hating yourself for everything you are not. For every part of you was lovingly planned. Every detail was master- fully crafted. You are loved by the Lord unconditionally. He even said in His words “…I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.“(Jeremiah 31:3). So, let your Father’s affection gives you security and courage to face the future. Do not fear.
Life has done nothing to you that God cannot make it work out for you, because with God every mistake is correctable and every sin can be forgiven, if only you will put it in His hands. Hence, you cannot comprehend how much God loves you until you mess up and see how He responds. When you have prayed and done all you can, leave it up to God. It is time to let God do what you cannot do. For God uses everything, nothing is wasted. What you went through yesterday, God may use it to help someone today.
The hardships you endured, God will allow them to speak into other people who are following the same path. So, do not be ashamed of your past. Your scars are proof that God heals. Your story is not over, God is not done with you yet. “He who began a good work in you will continue to perform it until it is complete.” (Philippians 1:6)
(b). Human Love (Romantic)
Have you realised that when you have a quarrel with someone, you tell it to everyone without any fear. But if you really love someone, you even scare to tell them for the fear of being rejected. Hence nothing hurts more than being rejected, ignored, replaced, forgotten, or lied to. It is really scary. I am talking about that nervous feeling you get when you talk to someone you really like, in person or on the phone for the first time. Psychology says, the deeper your feelings, the harder they are to express.
Perhaps, the reason some of us are still single is that, and because we ignore the ones who adore us, adore the ones who ignore us, love the ones who hurt us, and hurt the ones who love us. We are stuck between what we want and what we are. So, stop pretending to be who you are not by putting a different picture from what you truly look like. Be completely honest about your feelings. For God created us to be bold and beautiful in all our ways. Do not be ashamed of the way you look. You have exactly what somebody else wants. What makes you different makes you beautiful. Be original. Be yourself. Be real. For what is real does not fade away. For you are part of a puzzle in someone’s life. Someday, someone will walk into your life and make you realize why it never worked out with anyone else.
You may never know where you fit. But, someone’s life is never be complete without you in it. Perhaps you feel like you are out of place where you are right now. But, as God is a *Keeper, ask Him to keep you from the wrong ones, and keep you celibate until you get your perfect match. If you stand still, you will see the hand of the Lord in your life because standing still is not sitting still. One is resignation.
The other is anticipation. And waiting patiently in expectation is the foundation of the spiritual life. Even if you are waiting for the fruit of the womb do not lose heart. Nothing ever stays the same forever. The seed of the bamboo tree spends 5 years underground with no growth. The 5th year it grows over 80 feet tall. So, waiting time is not wasting time. Your appointed time is coming. “Be still, and know that I am God…!” (Psalm 46:10)
Realise, that someone love you, someone need you, someone prayed for you. You are the answer to someone’s prayer. So, always remember to smile. You may not know it, but someone might be dying to see that smile every day. For every time you smile at someone, it is an act of love, a gift to that person. However, how can you expect a person to smile back at you when you are not happy with who you are or where you are at in life? You deserve to be happy.
If someone is not trying their best for you to be happy, they probably are not the best for you. For the right relationship would not leave you guessing or confused, but you have got to be willing to open up if you want the other person to do the same. So, do not be afraid to show your love. “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.” (1 John 4:8)
If you believe that love is elusive, that you do not deserve love, ask yourself if you really want to live with such negative idea, and for how long? You have what it takes to love and love genuinely. Living a lie will reduce you to one. If the people in your life do not make you feel loved and appreciated, you are surrounding yourself with the wrong people. To love someone is to care for, trust and understand each other, to laugh together, to smile with your heart.
Thus, a forced smile is a sign of what feels wrong in your heart, so recognise it when it happens. You cannot force yourself or someone to open the door to their heart. They have to willingly give you the key. Hence, love starts when you see good things in someone and survives when you accept the bad things in that person. However, not every relationship is the same. Almost everyone who has lost love seems to find it later when they are not even looking for it. So, let the true love finds you.
When love is true, it would not be broken by problems, weakened by time, or gone by distance. “Better a bowl of vegetables with someone you love is better than steak with someone you hate.” (Proverbs 15:17)
Everyone needs someone to make them feel like tomorrow is more than just another day. But, if something is not feeling quite right, just give it time to reveal itself. Though so many of us think that if we act like a thing does not exist, it will just go away. Decide now that you are going to set your mind on it for total victory. God will expose every detail so that your life will not be a mystery but one lived out daily in victory. When God reveals that you are making the wrong choice, listen.
If you resist the truth, you can only create pain. Even when you believe with all your mind that life is meaningless, you simply cannot live that way. You know better. You know God is there. “Do not let the excitement of your… cause you to forget your Creator…” (Ecclesiastes 12:1)
Sometimes we resist love but, all it takes is one act of kindness to turn that resistance into reassurance that love is the way. Yes, life with love will have some thorns but, a life without love will have no roses. Hence, you do not just fall into love. You commit to it. When you say “I love you”, you are making a promise with someone else’s heart saying, “I will be there no matter what.”
But, some people will tell each other anything and everything… except the fact they love each other. And, the most stupid thing in the world is acting like a friend to the person you know you love the most. Love knows. And you cannot hide from it. It will always find you. For it does not make sense when you have someone in your heart but, you cannot have them in your arms because you are afraid to tell.
If you are mad at someone, let them know. It works, you should try it. And stop avoiding it. Hence, avoiding something does not mean you do not want it. Sometimes, it means that you do want it but, you know it is not right for you. Sometimes it is good, easier or better to love from a safe distance. Because you do not lead someone on, if you have no intentions on leading them somewhere good. Besides, what is the point of starting something if you cannot finish it?
If you are looking for a life partner, your significant other or a true friend. Do not focus on the flaws; instead look for the good in a person. Do not listen to everything you are told about the person; not everything is truth. Be careful placing judgment upon him or her, for you are unaware of the battles they are fighting. Instead, pay closer attention, figure out why they live the way they do. This does not mean you have to love him or her too soon or trust too fast but, do not judge too soon and do not expect too high. For every person has something to teach you, and as soon as you accept this, you open yourself to true acceptance of the other person.
Otherwise you will end up spending your entire life hopelessly seeking the right lover and, or the right friend if you expect them to be perfect. Even worse, the process of doing so will drive you mad, as you will feel more and more insecure with every failed relationship that does not live up to your fantasy of perfection. We are all seeking those special relationships that feel perfect for us, but if you have been through enough relationships, you begin to realize that there are no “perfect person” for you, just different flavours of imperfect ones. That is because we are all imperfect in some way.
You yourself are imperfect in many ways, and you seek out relationships with people who are imperfect in complementary ways. Hence, it takes a lot of life experience to grow fully into yourself and realize your own imperfections; and it is not until you finally run up against your deepest imperfections, your unsolvable flaws “the ones that truly define who you are” that you are able to proficiently select harmonious relationships. Only then do you finally know what you are looking for. You are looking for the imperfect person who will balance you out, the perfectly imperfect person. “So do not make judgments about anyone ahead of time—before the Lord returns. For he will bring our darkest secrets to light and will reveal our private motives… (1 Corinthians 4:5)
Besides, every person in this world is better than someone else and not as good someone else. Your insecurities are not always a bad thing, your flaws are not a deal breaker when falling in love. Never allow any of these life’s situations to rob you of an opportunity to say, “I love you”. Be yourself, even when you feel imperfect, ugly, too skinny or overweight, know that your love is worth it. For love is not “if” or “because” but, love is “anyway” and “even though” and “in spite of”. So, do not be discouraged to trust again, love again but never settle just because you are lonely.
Most of us are incredibly hard on ourselves and believe there is an invisible score keeper who is tracking our mistakes and accomplishments. Forgetting that life does not have to be perfect to be wonderful. You will never achieve some things until you fully accept the reality that you are not perfect. However, just because you get older in age does not mean you have to settle in relationships just to get married. Happiness in love has no age limit. Slow down, allow yourself to realize that life is about progress, not perfection. And the keys to finding love are patience and a healthy mind-set. Being jaded would not attract anyone worth having and, “settling” guarantees failure.
But, if you are searching for that one person who will change your life. Take a look in the mirror. There is a beauty beyond the mirror. And, it is only the Godly man or woman who can see it that worth your time. Do not let it be about “boobs and booty “or “muscles and six packs” but, your Godly character and sweet personality and your faithfulness in God. Never doubt for a second how beautiful you are. You are one of a kind. Look in the mirror and be proud of that special and unique person you have become. Being the best is great, you are number one.
But, being ‘unique’ is greater, you are the only one. You do not really need someone to change or complete you. You only need someone to accept you completely. Do not truly change for someone; change for God. You were born to be real, not to be perfect. You are here to be you, not to live someone else’s life.
To be beautiful means to be yourself. You were made to fulfil a purpose that only you could do. So, there will never be a more beautiful you. Seek no one’s approval, your life does not depend on other’s acceptance. You do not need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself. Do not change who you are just because you are afraid of losing someone. If one really loves you, your imperfections would not matter. Give one a space to show up for you. If you are constantly chasing them, you will never get to see if you are the only one holding on.
The hardest things to let go of are the things you never really had. If one need space, give it to them. If you do not, you will get closer to them and they will grow away from you. Rejection does not decrease your value when you know your worth. Young love cares about what is now and never mind what is next but mature love cares about what is now and after. “Let your beauty be not just the outward adorning of braiding the hair, and of wearing jewels of gold, or of putting on fine clothing; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God” (1 Peter 3:3-4)
God always gives us a choice. However, we cannot remember the choices we made at 16, at 21, at 35 years yet, many of those choices are influencing our lives. We spend so much time trying to choose the perfect opportunity, that we miss the right opportunity. When you finally get something good, enjoy it. Do not go looking for something perfect and miss out on what is real. Hence, there is no perfect people. We all make mistakes but you need to remember and celebrate what you have done right. Everything may not be where you want them to be in life… But, even in the small successes, give God the highest praise. For, “…the joy of the Lord is your strength.”(Nehemiah 8:10)
So, choosing a life partner should not be done without first praying fervently and seeking God’s will in the matter. Anytime you take someone with you that God has not authorized, it tampers with your destiny. Never look for someone who will take care of you. Instead look for someone who will care for you. Infatuation is when you find
someone who is absolutely perfect. Love is when you realize that they are not and it does not matter. Do not fall in love with someone who only says the right things, fall in love with someone who does the right things.
To understand the heart and mind of a person, look not at what she or he has already achieved, but at what she or he aspires to. Not everyone knows how to be everything you need them to be. Forgive their inability. Consider their heart and do not hide yours either, just learn to show it and share it respectfully. The more you hide your heart feelings, the more they show. The more you deny your feelings, the more they grow. Sometimes you can be too busy searching in the distance, to notice that what you are really looking for, is right next to you. “If you search for good, you will find favour; but if you search for evil, it will find you!” (Proverbs 11:27)
Choose a partner that uses the word “when” not “if” when describing their future. Beyond your desire for intimacy also look for sincerity but, it is not easy find sincerity. It is important to know that sincerity does not and cannot substitute the truth for it is an openness of heart that can be found in very few people, what we usually see is only an artful dissimulation to win confidence of others. Do not do it or say it, unless you believe it from your heart. A heart that is worn on the sleeve is evident to others.
Above all, be true to yourself, and if you cannot put your heart in it, take yourself out of it. Promise only what you can deliver. Then, deliver more than you promised. Let the truth be the light that you see by, open your heart to honesty and close the door to illusion. Be careful, everything genuine can be faked. In human emotions, only the heart can tell the difference. Words that do not come from the heart can deceive you. Do not be fooled by its common place appearance. Like so many things, it is not what outside, but what is inside that counts.
Do not be fooled by the face they wear, for it is a mask. Pretending is their second nature. They give you impression that they are secure beneath, lays a real confusion. Pretending can fool men but, it cannot fool God. Nature cannot be fooled. Never pretend to a love which you do not actually feel, for love is not ours to command. “Lying lips are an abomination to the Lord, but those who act faithfully are his delight.” (Proverbs 12:22)
Being with someone who wants to hear all about your day and let you know everything is going to be okay when you are sad it is the best thing. However, most people are giving love in many different forms to others so they may be appreciated and loved by others. That is a common agenda for one that has not yet found love within themselves. But, love has no agendas, reasons nor attachments. When you love in any form only because it is your truest feeling from within, you will be one with love, not needing to receive it from others externally, so that the love you give is free, and therefore allowing you to be free.
Hence, the greatest gift you can give someone is space to be his or herself, without the threat of you leaving them if they are not the way you want them to be. You should be willing to love people where they are. People should not have to change to feel your love. Love is supposed to be unconditional. If people have to earn your love, then you do not really love. Love without strings attached. Just as God loved you while in your mess “…I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness.” (Jeremiah 31:3)
One thing you can do better than anyone else, is be yourself. Do you live on the reflections of yourself in the eyes of others or do you dare to be yourself. When you have to start compromising yourself or your morals for the people around you, it is probably time to change your friends. The most important person in your life is the one that builds your faith. People may have an impact on your life but only God can change your life. Make sure that the person you have fallen for should never take the role of your God. No one is that important but Jesus Christ. “Jesus however came near and said to them, “All power in Heaven and over the earth has been given to me.” (Matthew 28:18)
If you cannot see yourself as worthy, loveable, or someone who has something to offer the world then neither will anyone else. But, when you raise your standard and treat yourself as the beautiful soul you are, the outside world responds. Imagine growing up believing you were a slave. Just to find out you were royalty all along. You will be amazed that all the qualities you long to experience or see in others already exist within you. Remember the old saying that, “If you spot it, you got it.” So, do not permit any form of slavery in your life anymore. You are a child of the Most High King! You are His treasured possession. (Deuteronomy 7:6)
You will never find what you are looking for in love, if you do not love yourself. As you know the beauty of love emanates from within so, look inside yourself, look into your heart if you wish to find love. If it is not easy to find love in yourself, it is not possible to find it elsewhere. What is on the inside, may not reflect on the outside. But, the reason why you are so easy to spot in a crowd is because those who are beautiful inside are publicly glowing.
However, if you go looking for true love you would not find it because love is never lost, only we are lost. It is not something you seek out, it seeks you. It can grow and bloom even in frozen soil and the harshest conditions. It exists everywhere, all the time, a flower for all the seasons. It blooms when the conditions are just right, you cannot force the flower to open, nor a heart. For the man of love does not subscribe to the power of evil, he sees a lack of love as the root of all problems. He may not solve all your problems but, he would not let you face them alone. “…Behold the Lamb of God who takes away the Sin of the world.” (John 1:29)
Love it is not half baked, it is an action word. If you do not love yourself in a healthy way, you will never be able to love others in the way that you should. Hence, a person that has trouble celebrating others has trouble in celebrating themselves. If you do not ever get excited about what God has done for you, you would not ever get excited enough to tell someone else for celebration. For some people will never celebrate where God is taking you because they are stuck on where you have been.
When you are able to genuinely wish someone well, have no jealousy in your heart towards them and want the best for them, you are truly blessed. And, knowing that you are blessed means you are able to stay happy in any circumstance. So, learn to celebrate others accomplishments, it will build you up as a person, instead of envying them and putting yourself down. Hence, love has a way of growing and multiplying. As we make a living by what we get and make a life by what we give. It seems the more I love, the more I have to give. So, give it all. Love life as long as you live. Offer a helping hand when you are able. Appreciate all the things God has given you. Smile and embrace life. Then, your own celebration is coming soon. “Be happy with those who are happy, and…!” (Romans 12:15)
What does love looks like? Well, it has got hands to help, feet to hasten to, eyes to see misery, and ears to hear sorrows of the other partner. It does not only consist of gazing at each other but, in looking together in the same direction. It knows the difference between hurting and harming. So, it is important not to confuse control, with loving and caring for each other. Control is not love. Never tolerate a relationship where you are not allowed to think for yourself. Do not allow others to make your life about them.
Their life is about them. Yours cannot be about them too. Sometimes, they keep you under control to try to stop you from standing on your own two feet because they are afraid you just might walk away freely. Until you stand up and claim your freedom back, you will never truly know how strong you really are. Even if it would not happen overnight but, the journey to improvement starts with the first step. Learning to say no might be one of the hardest but most important way of standing up for yourself. If you tend to be a “yes” person who never wants to let anyone down, you risk becoming a door-mat who everyone walks all over and takes advantage of. “Christ set us free to remain free. So stand firm and do not again be tangled in the yoke of slavery” (Galatians 5:1)
Sometimes in your desire to walk in love, you end up walking into a full blown mess. Few things in life are as valuable as healthy relationships. Honesty is the best policy and the first person you tell a lie to is yourself. You can always say it was not intentional but, that is the biggest lie you can tell yourself. Sometimes actions lie just like words so if you do not mean it stop doing it. Stop chasing rumours, running down friends and jumping to conclusions.
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