The Lawman's Yuletide Baby
Ruth Logan Herne
Her Holiday HeroWidow Corinne Gallagher’s plans for a peaceful Christmas with her kids go astray when longtime crush Gabe Cutler moves in next door. As if having the hunky state trooper in snowball-throwing distance isn’t distracting enough, Gabe is suddenly in custody of an orphaned infant—and in need of Corinne’s help! She agrees, but her heart draws a line—she can't fall for another lawman. After a devastating loss, Gabe has avoided fatherhood and love. Yet with Corinne and the children, his new house is starting to feel like home. Will Gabe run again, or finally fulfill his secret Christmas wish for a family?Grace Haven: A town full of heart, happiness and home.
Her Holiday Hero
Widow Corinne Gallagher’s plans for a peaceful Christmas with her kids go astray when longtime crush Gabe Cutler moves in next door. As if having the hunky state trooper in snowball-throwing distance isn’t distracting enough, Gabe suddenly has custody of an orphaned infant—and is in need of Corinne’s help! She agrees, but her heart draws a line—she can’t fall for another lawman. After a devastating loss, Gabe has avoided fatherhood and love. Yet filled with Corinne and the children, his new house is starting to feel like home. Will Gabe run again, or finally fulfill his secret Christmas wish for a family?
“She likes being snuggled,” Corinne whispered.
“I see that.” Gabe was whispering, too. “I think you’re both enjoying this.”
“Immensely.” She smiled. “The years are flying by with my kids. I miss this.”
Her sweet regret painted another picture for him.
Corinne.
A baby.
A child to raise together.
The thought held an appealing mix of hope for the future. And then panic. His palms went damp, and he backed off from the image instantly.
“Do you want me to take her?” Part of him wanted her to say no while another part longed to protect.
She nodded and handed him Jessie. He leaned back, almost loving the feel of her on his chest, scared about how easy it would be to fall into a trap he couldn’t afford—the trap of love.
He’d been there before and had nothing to show for it, but somehow holding Jessie made it feel almost possible...and that might be scarier yet.
Dear Reader (#ua08ae45c-8952-5791-a721-32b2d8f44a0e),
I love writing holiday stories. I go a little crazy with twinkle lights, ornaments, heartwarming nativities and Christmas movies! I love the music, the warmth of hymns and carols. I have so much fun decorating and baking and getting together with family. I love the church services, filled with light and hope. I love all of it.
But people who’ve suffered loss may have a very different experience with holidays. The grief, guilt and sorrow can weigh heavily during the holiday season. That was Gabe Cutler’s life since losing his daughter and wife. He buried himself in work every November, and didn’t emerge until the New Year. In his heart, he couldn’t forgive himself for what happened that fateful day, years before.
Corinne blocked herself in a different way. Her loss made her a little control-crazy. She loves her children, but their growing independence rocks her world. She needs to adjust...and it takes a near-tragedy to show her the true lessons of life.
I’m always amazed by God’s timing, and I’m always blessed by the warm responses I get from readers. I love hearing from you! Feel free to friend me on Facebook, come by my website to see what’s happening in Ruthy’s world right now, and join me in Seekerville (seekerville.blogspot.com (http://seekerville.blogspot.com)) or the Yankee Belle Café (yankeebellecafe.blogspot.com (http://yankeebellecafe.blogspot.com)), where I partner with other delightful authors to talk about faith, family, food...and (of course!) romance!
God bless you and wishing you the very best holiday season ever!
Ruthy
Multipublished bestselling author RUTH LOGAN HERNE loves God, her country, her family, dogs, chocolate and coffee! Married to a very patient man, she lives in an old farmhouse in upstate New York and thinks possums should leave the cat food alone and snakes should always live outside. There are no exceptions to either rule! Visit Ruth at ruthloganherne.com (http://www.ruthloganherne.com).
The Lawman’s Yuletide Baby
Ruth Logan Herne
www.millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk)
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
—Psalms 34:18
This book marks my twentieth book with Love Inspired, and I am blessed to be part of their outstanding group of authors. I am offering huge thanks, not only for this particular story, but for all those that have come before and are yet to come, to Melissa Endlich, my editor, guide and mentor, the person who took a chance on me in 2009 and launched a beautiful career with a phone message I still have on my voice mail—a voice mail I have never deleted because it marked a bend in the road I longed for all my life. So, to Melissa I say thank you. Thank you so much. And may God bless you.
Contents
Cover (#ue507fd1d-138f-5ca4-ae3e-c9e2617857ca)
Back Cover Text (#u4763cda5-af64-54ce-9508-b26d3c18328b)
Introduction (#ua615915b-7c0e-5315-8017-16b3e006a7cc)
Dear Reader (#ub369b8d2-1c42-52c0-9d44-c395df0e74b8)
About the Author (#ue7085ccc-2ed7-57d3-b2fd-be64ebdce6c2)
Title Page (#u3538b8a7-09e2-5b2a-b947-a071b9e7a234)
Bible Verse (#ufc393706-2526-5bbc-811e-79da445d6639)
Dedication (#uf52b6aeb-3178-5d66-829b-87a7b53e29e7)
Chapter One (#u7e20f5cf-f168-51a6-ab15-e2c6280158b2)
Chapter Two (#u5b98690c-09a5-52be-8e22-2f04e844ed4d)
Chapter Three (#u1aa7f491-afe9-5e00-a507-0efc56b971bc)
Chapter Four (#u2202a6df-b3ab-575b-8f43-a44e5607464e)
Chapter Five (#u16b45862-a192-5a0d-87ea-9de58821528b)
Chapter Six (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Seven (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Eight (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Nine (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Ten (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Eleven (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Twelve (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Thirteen (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Fourteen (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Fifteen (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Sixteen (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Seventeen (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Eighteen (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Nineteen (#litres_trial_promo)
Extract (#litres_trial_promo)
Copyright (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter One (#ua08ae45c-8952-5791-a721-32b2d8f44a0e)
This couldn’t be happening.
Corinne Gallagher watched as the Realtor tacked a Sold sign on the year-round lakefront home less than a hundred feet from hers.
It wasn’t the sign that made her heart take notice.
It was the man shaking the Realtor’s hand.
New York State Trooper Gabe Cutler stood facing the real estate salesperson as if he’d just clinched the deal of a lifetime.
She swallowed hard as his gaze shifted from the Realtor to her.
Her heart ground to a painful stop.
So did her breath.
He stared at her, then her house, then her again.
She stood rooted to the ground, unable or maybe just unwilling to move.
Her twelve-year-old daughter had no such qualms. “Coach!” Theresa, known to the world as “Tee” Gallagher, streaked across the yard beneath a canopy of late October color. The blend of breeze and tinted leaves signaled another change of seasons.
Corinne was determined to ignore the passage of time.
It’s what she did best.
Day by day, year by year, she looked forward, making sure her children were grounded, faithful, safe and kind. She purposely didn’t look right or left. It was a job she did well because Corinne Gallagher did everything well.
“Coach, are you moving into the Penskis’ house for real? Callan won’t believe it!” Tee leaped at him, hugging the man who’d been coaching her brother for the last three years. Three very long years for Corinne to pretend she wasn’t attracted to the decorated state trooper. Three years of watching him counsel and teach youngsters the rules of the game...and the rules of life. Three years of maintaining a distance because she would never willingly put herself in the position to bury another man in uniform.
He couldn’t be moving in next door.
He lived nearly fifteen miles away, toward the south end of Canandaigua Lake, surrounded by vineyards. She’d Googled him on purpose during a weak moment.
Look at you. Stalking the baseball coach.
She hadn’t stalked him. Not really. She’d just been curious. And lonely. And possibly wondering about the man behind the uniform, behind the stubborn set of his jaw as they met weekly to firm up the plans before the upcoming holiday-themed Christkindl festival.
And here he was, one arm around Tee, gazing her way.
This couldn’t be happening.
And yet...it was.
“Coach, is that you?” Fourteen-year-old Callan poked his head out from the sliding glass door leading to the deck. “Are you kidding me? You’re moving in next door? That’s awesome!” The high school freshman loped across the yard, all arms and legs, a boy in the thick of adolescence. He pumped Gabe’s hand, excited, then shoved his hands into his pockets as if unsure what to do with them.
Tee had no such qualms. She kept her arm linked through Gabe’s as if she’d just acquired a new BFF. “Can you believe it, Mom?” She screeched the words as Corinne moved their way. “Coach is here! He’s moving in! Right next door!”
Tee lived in a world full of exclamation points. Nothing stagnated in Tee’s world. Her roller-coaster personality kept life humming around her, a total contrast to her more sober older brother.
Callan took after Corinne, focused and cautious and steadfast.
Tee was total Gallagher, a feminine image of the father she’d never known. She was a spontaneous, fearless know-it-all, and there wasn’t a day that went by when Corinne didn’t thank God for these kids. They were a piece of Dave to keep close by her side, but that honor came with mega responsibility, a task she never took lightly.
“So.” Gabe watched her approach.
Caramel-brown eyes, with hints of gold that brightened when he smiled. Medium brown hair, always cut short. Strong shoulders, a broad chest, made broader by his protective vest when he was in uniform.
But protective vests could only do so much. She’d found that out the hard way.
“We’ve just become neighbors.” He didn’t shift his gaze as she walked, and she didn’t hurry her steps because she needed every single second to grab hold of the calm facade she’d need for this new bend in the road.
She nodded to the Realtor to gain a few extra seconds, then faced Gabe directly. “So it would seem. I had no idea you were looking for a house, Gabe.”
He lifted one brow and paused, and when he did, her heart paused, too. “I didn’t want to make a big deal out of it. I’ve always wanted to live in a quiet spot on the water. To throw my boat in now and again and drop a line. When this came on the market three weeks back, I knew it was perfect.”
It wasn’t perfect.
Having the strong, stoic trooper next door was the exact opposite of perfect.
Perfect was her safe, sound world, surrounded by Gallagher family and friends, a low-risk pool of normal.
Perfect was her administrative position at the hospital, where she’d graduated from the ups and downs of crisis pregnancy care to being a very capable paper pusher.
Ideal was having as much quiet control as she could get while not appearing to be one of those helicopter parents, hovering around everything their children did, thought or tried.
She’d tucked herself into this quiet corner of the lake, her grandparents’ old house, determined to do things her way without appearing crazy neurotic.
Gabe Cutler’s arrival just rocked a boat she’d kept calm for a long, long time.
* * *
Gabe Cutler had spent years purposely keeping himself on life’s outer edges. He worked, he coached, he fished and he took good care of Tucker, his dog.
It was enough because he made it enough.
And now he’d managed to sign papers tucking him next door to Corinne Gallagher and her delightful kids, Callan and Tee.
How had this happened?
Corinne and the kids didn’t live on the water. They lived in a simple split-level just off Route 20A. He’d dropped Callan off there a couple of times the year before.
And yet...
Here they were.
The kids looked delighted to see him, because they’d been buds for several years. He’d coached Callan, and laughed over Tee’s antics.
Corinne looked surprised and maybe chagrined about the whole thing.
She helped with team stuff when she could. She organized fundraisers and structured team gatherings when they had out-of-town tournaments. She stayed friendly while keeping her distance, a neat trick she maneuvered well, which meant she was well practiced. Like him.
He smiled for a selfie with Callan, his star shortstop, then winced inside when Callan blasted the pic to the rest of the team with a wide, easy grin.
So much for keeping his private life private. A part of him wanted to sigh, because this was his fault for not checking the town’s records before signing the purchase offer.
He wouldn’t have chosen the house if he’d known Corinne and the kids lived next door. Gabe didn’t just like his privacy. He craved it. He needed that downtime, where he could split wood or fish or do whatever he needed to do to get through the calendar year. And now—
Two bright-eyed kids, kids that he liked, grinned up at him as if this was a wonderful turn of events.
It wasn’t anything of the kind.
“Is Tucker coming with you?”
The team loved his trusty mutt, a great dog. He’d rescued the tricolor collie mix from a shelter four years before, but it might have been the other way around. The goofy, loyal dog might have been the rescuer all along. “He is.”
“Yes!” Tee fist-pumped the air. “Can I take him swimming? And for walks along the road? Because there is like no one living down here in the winter, Coach.” She dramatized the words with perfect adolescent accentuation. “Well, a few people,” she conceded. “But most of them go to Florida for the winter, so the road is crazy quiet now!”
And with all of those quiet, empty cottages dotting the shore, the only affordable house that had gone up for sale along the waterfront was right next to a busy, vibrant family. Was God laughing right now?
Although if this was some sort of master plan, Gabe failed to see the purpose. Or the humor, for that matter. “Tee Gallagher and a quiet road?” He hiked a brow that actually made Corinne smile. “Why does that seem hard to compute?”
“Even I can’t make enough noise to liven up a whole road on my own,” the girl told him. “But I do my best.”
“That’s for sure.” Callan sent his text. He started to pocket his phone, but replies began flooding in, fast and furious. “My phone’s blowing up, Coach.” He laughed as he moved over to their honey-stained picnic table. “Gotta answer these.”
“If I had a phone, I could share this news, too.” Tee shifted her attention to Corinne.
“A conversation we’ve had way too often,” Corinne told her. “You don’t need a phone. When you’re in high school, yes. I’ll get you a phone and you can help pay for it. There’s no need to do that now.”
“Everyone in junior high has one. And I mean everyone.”
A stat that didn’t bode well in the school, Gabe knew. Some of those kids’ phones were being used for things far beyond what a seventh grader should be considering, much less doing. He respected Corinne for taking a stand that clearly made her unpopular with her strong-willed daughter.
“Junior high kids have survived without phones for centuries. You’ll be fine, Tee.”
“Laura Ingalls didn’t have a phone, so Tee Gallagher doesn’t get one?” Tee hiked both brows, then rolled her eyes. “That’s totally apples and oranges, Mom. Let’s stay in the current century for comparison’s sake.” She shot Corinne a dimpled look, and Gabe couldn’t hold back his smile.
The kid had sass.
She never gave up, she smiled a lot and she faced life fearlessly.
If Gracie had lived, he figured she’d be a lot like Tee Gallagher. But she didn’t live. Neither did her mother. He had a host of regrets a mile long about that.
He’d messed up once.
He’d broken a good woman’s heart and possibly her spirit, and the truth of that weighed heavily even nine years later.
He’d cost two lives that day. Three, if you counted his own by aftermath.
No, he couldn’t afford to let this sweet family get under his skin. They treated him like he was a stand-up guy.
That’s because they didn’t know the truth. If they did, they’d think differently.
“Coach, I am just so crazy excited to have you here!” Tee hugged his arm again, and the shot of pain that jabbed his chest was quite real.
He realized that Gracie would have been Tee’s age now. She would have had a mop of brown curls, and an unerring talent for winsome smiles, enough to grab his heart and hold it tight, all these years.
His chest constricted.
The real estate agent must have sensed the change in mood because she reached out a hand to Corinne. “You inherited this place from your parents, didn’t you, Mrs. Gallagher?”
Corinne accepted the light handshake. “My grandmother, actually. Gram wanted to keep it in the family, and my late husband loved the water. He said you could learn more about a woman by watching the lake change than any self-help book on the market.”
The Realtor laughed. “My husband would agree. Well, if you ever think about selling, give me a call.” She handed Corinne a business card. “I know you haven’t been back on the water for long, but we never have enough lakefront property to fill the demand. No pressure, of course.”
Corinne stared at the card, and Gabe felt like a complete jerk. Was she really that bothered because he moved in next door? Or because he’d disagreed with her stance on the Christmas festival committee the week before? Would she really stay upset about that?
He didn’t know her well enough to know, but he hoped not.
“Coach, when are you moving in?” Callan’s excitement lightened the moment. “I can help if it’s on the weekend.”
“I closed the deal this morning, and I’m working this weekend, so next weekend is move-in time.”
“Mom.” Callan swung around. “I bet me and some of the guys—”
“And me!” Tee cut in.
Callan frowned at her, then continued, “I bet we could help Coach get everything moved. What do you think?”
The kid meant well, but he’d just corralled his mother, so Gabe stepped in. “Listen, Corinne, if you’re working that weekend, it’s no problem.” He was offering her an out if she wanted to take it. “I know your schedule can get complicated.”
“Not anymore.” Tee caroled the words. “Mom isn’t doing regular nursing anymore. She’s got an office and she’s one of the people who make sure everything gets done right.”
“You’ve moved up?” She nodded, but looked more resigned than happy, as if moving up the ladder of success wasn’t all it was cracked up to be. “That’s a big change.”
“Takes some getting used to,” she told him, then directed her attention to Callan. “Cal, I think it would be great for you guys to help Coach move in. If he wants the help, that is.”
What could he say and not sound like a total curmudgeon? “I’d love it.”
“And then we can do hot dogs and stuff at our house if the weather stays nice,” Tee exclaimed. “Right, Mom? You’re here on the weekends now, and if the guys haul all Coach’s stuff, we can make food for them, just like Grandma does whenever we do things. She always makes it so special to help.”
“Your grandma has a way of putting a shine on life like no other woman I’ve ever known. Except possibly your Aunt Kimberly,” Corinne conceded. “Tee, that sounds like a great idea. If it’s all right with Coach.”
“What kind of guy would refuse an offer of help and food?” He gave Tee a half hug, then dropped his arm. “Sounds like a plan. And now.” He turned back to the Realtor. “I’ve got to head home and get ready for work. I’m on the late shift today.”
“Like at night?” Tee asked.
He nodded. “We switch things up. I don’t do nights as much as I used to, but I told them I’d help out as needed from now through December.” He didn’t mention that he grabbed whatever hours he could late in the year. Working didn’t just keep him busy during the deluge of holiday forums embraced by their sweet, small town. It kept him sane. “We’ve got a couple of guys who needed day shifts. And one who just had a baby, so he’s out for a couple of weeks. I think they were in your unit, actually.” He lifted his eyes to Corinne. “Jason and Shelly Montgomery. Shelly had some problems, and was in the hospital for the last four weeks, then the baby was in the NICU for a few weeks. But now everyone is home, no one is sleeping and life is good.”
“I heard they were a very nice couple. I didn’t know Jason was a trooper.”
That surprised him, because the baseball parents seemed to open up to Corinne, and then he put two and two together. “Of course, the new job. Off the floor. So you wouldn’t get to know people the same way. Well.” He stepped back. “Gotta go. I’ll see you guys at tomorrow night’s game.”
“Last game of fall ball,” said Tee. “And then we blast right into the holidays. This will be our first Christmas on the water! Maybe we can decorate the dock and everything, like Grandpa used to do!”
Callan reached out and pumped Gabe’s hand. “This is great, Coach! Really great! I can’t believe it!”
It wasn’t great. It was the opposite of great because Gabe Cutler didn’t do holidays. He didn’t do family gatherings or twinkle lights, and if he could disengage himself from endless loops of sappy carols, he’d do it in a heartbeat. Holidays forced him to think about what he’d lost.
And now he’d be next door to twinkle lights–loving Tee and her intrinsic optimism.
Corinne was watching him. Her brows shifted together in concern. Because he’d slipped and let his dark side show?
Maybe.
But then she hid that emotion and began backpedaling to her place. “Kids, let’s go so Coach can get to work. We’ve got homework and laundry waiting for us.”
“And then can we take the boat out?” Tee gazed at the water with longing. “You said we could this weekend. You promised.”
Corinne tapped her watch. “All depends on time, kid. Let’s roll.”
Callan strode back toward the house.
Tee slumped her shoulders. “I don’t know why we live on a lake when we can’t ever do anything on the lake.”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah.” Corinne reached to put an arm around Tee’s shoulders.
The girl shrugged her off, chin down.
Corinne looked at Tee, then him, then lifted her hands. “Welcome to the neighborhood, Gabe, where moods change faster than the weather, and that’s mighty fast around here.”
She was right. Weather on the water could be unpredictable. That’s one of the things he loved about it.
Would Gracie have loved the water like he did?
He’d never know. He’d never know her favorite color, her favorite song, her favorite dolls because she was gone too soon.
He wanted to remind Corinne how precious life was. He wanted to encourage her to leave the stupid laundry and fire up that outboard. The changing seasons meant fewer trips on the water.
He kept quiet on purpose.
She knew the pros and cons, just like he did. She’d also loved and lost, and didn’t need his advice. And after working together on the intertown baseball league, and then the festival committee, he was pretty sure she wouldn’t take his advice, anyway.
She wasn’t cool or judgmental or obnoxious, but she kept her guard in place.
Uptight people tended to annoy him because he’d grown up surrounded by them. His mother’s family lived their lives tightly wound about everything from religion to politics to food choices.
And yet, with all they had, all the blessings abounding, they were never satisfied. Never content. His mother wasn’t like that. Neither was Gabe.
He’d lost his contentment through his own fault. But it bothered him when folks didn’t understand the blessings of a child. Any child. And how, if he had it to do all over again, he’d make whatever sacrifice needed to keep a kid safe and happy and content.
So you’d give Tee a phone? Even though you know better?
He wouldn’t, he realized, as Tee stomped into her house. He’d do exactly what Corinne was doing, but he’d hate every single stinkin’ minute of it.
But it would never be an issue because he’d had his chance once and blew it. And that was that.
And here he was, next door to a woman who kept a cool distance in what she did. Not exactly an ice queen, but not all that warm, either.
The sale was complete.
The deed had changed hands. He’d have to make the best of it. So would she.
Corinne resisted change. She wasn’t a fighter, but she quietly blocked it in her own way.
Did she know how blessed she was to have those two kids? He couldn’t look at Tee and not remember Gracie. And a fine kid like Callan, hardworking and devoted to playing ball. A young man, ready to explore so much of the world around him.
Not your business.
He knew that. And it wouldn’t become his business, no matter how pretty those blue eyes were when she looked his way.
He’d made a promise when he laid his baby girl into the ground, a pledge he intended to keep. He’d been given the gold ring once and lost it by his lack of attention.
He’d laid flowers on her grave and promised God he’d never take that chance again, and he meant every word, but when Corinne Gallagher waved from her back deck, his fickle heart tried to pry itself open.
He slammed it shut.
He’d had it all once and ruined it. He had absolutely no right to wish for more than what he had now. A great job keeping people safe, a small boat and a house on the water.
A house that seemed pretty empty compared with the busy family living next door.
Chapter Two (#ua08ae45c-8952-5791-a721-32b2d8f44a0e)
Gabe had just finished packing dozens of boxes when his landline phone rang the following Saturday. He almost tripped getting through the confusing maze, but when he saw his mother’s number in the display, he grabbed the call quickly. “Hey, Mom. What’s up?”
“Gabe. Do you have a minute?”
Worry wrenched her voice. He was pretty sure she was crying, and he was nearly four hours away with a moving crew on the way, but if she needed him, he’d hop in the car and head toward Albany because Linda Cutler had gone the distance for him too many times to count. And with his mother’s crazy, mixed-up, dysfunctional family, Gabe knew he’d been blessed to be on the normal end of the spectrum. “Of course I do. Take your time. I’m right here.”
“I know. I just...” She breathed out a sigh. “Aunt Maureen just got off the phone with me, screaming about life’s injustices, and how unfair things are. She’s blaming the police and the world for everything that went wrong with Adrianna. I tried to calm her down, but it didn’t work. She hung up on me, but not before she called me unkind names.”
“I’m sure she’s hurting, but that’s no reason to take it out on you. I’m sorry, Mom. You know Aunt Maureen. It’s always someone else’s fault.” His narrow-minded aunt had recently buried the daughter she’d disowned years before. Adrianna had gotten herself into a mess of trouble as a teen, then again as a young adult. She’d done time, and her parents made sure that everyone knew they wanted nothing to do with their wayward child.
She’d died in a convenience store robbery gone bad, a tragic end to a life filled with flawed choices.
“My sister is mean, Gabe. Just plain mean, and it’s got nothing to do with her faith or her church, it’s her. No wonder that poor girl went rogue. And now look what it’s all come to.”
She was right. His mom’s younger sister had a sharp tongue and always held a grudge. She and his uncle had little regard for Christ’s instruction on forgiveness. “Aunt Maureen is probably second-guessing her actions, Mom—maybe wishing she hadn’t thrown Adrianna out of the house, or been so strict with her.”
“Or she’s blaming everyone but herself for her family problems.”
That sounded more like it. “Do you want me to come down there? I can. I’ve got the next two days off.” He didn’t mention that he was supposed to be moving because she’d refuse his help if she thought she was inconveniencing him.
She’d blessed him from the day he was born, or at least as far back as he could remember. She’d been a single mom at a time when being a single mother wasn’t overtly accepted, but she’d been great. And still was.
And through it all, her sister Maureen had held Linda’s mistakes up like a banner, making sure everyone knew that Linda lived a life of bad choices.
But in the end, Gabe had turned out just fine and Maureen’s two daughters had brought nothing but trouble on themselves. That had always infuriated his fire-and-brimstone aunt. “Why did you take her call?”
“Because she just lost her daughter.”
Gabe would have done the same. “Do you want to come up here for a visit?”
“No, I just needed to vent. Maureen is just...” She paused, then drew a deep breath. “Well, you know. She needs to lay this at someone else’s door, and that finger of blame will never fall back on her. Maybe if she’d shown those girls a little kindness, a little understanding—” She paused again. “No use rehashing all of that. And you’re right, if she calls again, I’ll let it go to voice mail. I’m working overtime this weekend, so that will gain me some distance.”
His mother worked at a manufacturing facility outside Albany. “You sure you’re okay?”
“Yes, I just needed someone to talk to. It’s been a rough couple of months down here, and losing Adrianna like that has stirred some old pots.”
“Aunt Maureen and Uncle Blake had choices, Mom. So did Adrianna.”
“I know. And I knew I could only do so much when their mother was dead set against anyone helping those girls out, but it weighs on me, Gabe, knowing Adrianna longed for help and thought no one would provide it.”
Guilt.
It was an emotion he knew well. Too well. “We pray, Mom. And we keep our eyes open for other ways to help people. Like you taught me all along.” The noise of pickup trucks pulling into the driveway made him turn. “You sure you don’t want me to head down there? I can be there by lunchtime.”
“I’m sure. Just glad you don’t mind talking with your mom now and again.”
“Mind?” He laughed because throughout his times of trouble, Linda Cutler had been the calm voice of faith, hope and reason. “I love it, Mom. And I love you.”
He pictured her smile in the softer note in her voice. “I love you, too. Bye, honey.”
He hung up, knowing she’d be okay, but it wasn’t easy to dodge angry family members, especially when proximity allowed them access.
That was another reason he’d moved four hours northwest when everything fell apart. Distance from his mother’s family wasn’t a choice, it had been a lifesaving measure.
The first two trucks rolled to a stop, and half a dozen boys and men aimed for his door. He swung it wide in welcome.
He might not have family here, but between the troopers and the baseball team, his needs were covered.
By ten o’clock they were on their way to 2312 Lakeshore Drive with the first wave of belongings.
He thought it would take all day to move things.
He was wrong.
A single guy who worked long hours and coached three seasons of baseball didn’t accumulate a lot of stuff.
They pulled the trucks into the lakefront driveway one at a time. Tee spotted them and raced across the narrow yards, hurdling the short privet hedge on the property line. “Can I help?”
He spotted Corinne’s bemused expression next door. Hands up, she gestured to the tables and chairs she’d been setting out and then her daughter. “You help here,” he told her. “I’ll go help your mother move the tables.”
“Oops.” Looking a little guilty, Tee spun and waved. “Sorry, Mom!”
“I’ll bet she is,” Corinne noted as Gabe drew closer. “She’d much rather help the team than be stuck helping her mother.”
“Pretty normal, I expect. But I can help her mother,” Gabe added as he lifted one of the tables. “Tell me where you want them and I’ll get them in order for you.”
“You’ve got a whole house to arrange,” she scolded. “I can handle this.”
Gabe moved the first table closer to the lake as he replied, “I’ve got bedroom stuff, kitchen stuff and living room stuff, which means half the rooms of the house will sit empty. I bet they can figure it out, Corinne. And my buddy Mack is over there with his wife, and when Susie MacIntosh takes charge, we all smile and nod and follow orders.”
“My kind of gal.” Corinne started setting up folding chairs. “Should we start the fire now, if you guys don’t have to make too many more trips back to your old place?”
“One more trip should do it, so that’s probably a good idea.” He settled the next table close to the first. “And if I’m setting these in the wrong spots, tell me. Don’t wait until I’m gone, then change them.”
“Well, it’s a simple afternoon barbecue, so I’m pretty sure anywhere is good.”
Her tone was easy, but it didn’t take a real smart guy to sense something amiss. “Listen, Corinne. I didn’t get a chance to talk to you after the committee meeting the other night.” He was working as the safety liaison for the upcoming Christkindl festival, a huge annual event that netted tens of thousands of dollars for the Police Benevolence Fund. The fund helped widows and children of fallen officers. As a widow, Corinne had headed the committee for half a dozen years, but the current committee had voted in some major changes she didn’t like. Changes he approved, which might make him persona non grata with his new neighbor.
“Because you were mobbed by triumphant town retailers and I had to get home to the kids.”
That was true, but law enforcement was schooled in undercurrents, and the one on this deck rivaled an East Coast riptide. “I don’t want you to think we were trying to undercut your position.”
A momentary pause of her hands was her only outward reaction, which meant she was hiding her feelings, a move he recognized because he’d hidden his share. Watching her, he realized she was just as good as he was at disguising his true emotions. Maybe better. “When you, Lizzie and Maura took places on the committee, it meant we all needed to work together,” she replied in a soft, even voice. “Although neither Kate nor I was invited to the impromptu meeting you guys had on Tuesday.”
It hadn’t been a meeting at all. He’d run into two other committee members at the Bayou Barbecue, and the two women had hijacked his quiet supper with committee talk.
“It wasn’t a meeting. I was having supper at Josie’s place. Lizzie and Maura came in and sat down, so we compared notes. Then I got a call on the south end of the lake, and Josie bagged my food for later. That’s all it was, pure coincidence.”
“You don’t owe me explanations, Gabe.”
He didn’t...but he did. Corinne had invested years in this festival because she’d buried a first responder, and he didn’t take that lightly. Nor should anyone else. “I do, because Lizzie made it sound like we held a prearranged meeting. It wasn’t anything of the kind.”
“And yet there’s no reason it couldn’t be, is there, Gabe?” She paused again, watching him from the far side of the deck, holding a floral porch pillow in her hands. She looked...cautiously beautiful, if there was such a thing, and there must be, because he was seeing it, right now.
No reason...
“Of course there’s a reason. To go behind your back and usurp the time and effort you’ve put into this whole thing would be ludicrous. I can’t imagine someone doing that, and if they did, they’d have to answer to me. That’s not how things are done, Corinne. Not in police brotherhoods, anyway.”
She watched him, still clutching the pillow, and when he was done with his little spiel, she still watched.
And then she smiled, ever so slightly, as she set the pillow down.
Her smile intrigued him.
He wasn’t sure why, because she did absolutely nothing to try to intrigue him. In fact, she went out of her way to be carefully level and polite, like the model nurses you saw on TV.
As she looked down, her lips quirked up, as if he’d pleased her.
He wasn’t looking to please anyone. He’d won the race once. He’d had it all until he lost it, way too quick and far too easy.
Yes, he was older. Smarter. But he was just as guilty now as he’d been when Gracie climbed into his SUV all those years ago. A stupid football party, parents, kids, pizza and beer...
He swallowed hard. “I just didn’t want you thinking we were plotting behind your back. Or Kate’s back.” Corinne’s mother-in-law had built a highly regarded event business in Grace Haven. She’d shared her expertise by helping with the festival for years.
“Kate’s a smart woman. She saw the way things were trending from the beginning, and that’s why she volunteered to work with Lizzie and Maura.”
“To keep an eye on them?”
“That sounds far too sinister, even for a small town.” She crossed the decking and moved more chairs into place. “More like she wants to keep her finger on the pulse of the area. When you run an event center, it’s important to be on the inside informational loop. And I’m sure she wanted to keep me updated so I wouldn’t get clotheslined by whatever changes came about. Kate knows I’m busy, and she takes an understandable special interest in the benevolence fund.”
Of course she did. She’d buried a son, and her husband had been chief of police for over twenty years. The Gallaghers appreciated law enforcement like few families could. They’d lived it for over two generations. “She’s protective of you.”
“Sure she is.” She drew up more chairs. “They love me, and they love these kids. That’s pretty much how the family rolls. And they know being a single mom isn’t easy. But we’re doing okay.”
After being raised in a single-parent house, he knew the truth of it, and it was never an easy gig to be top provider, rule maker and beloved parent to kids. “I’d say you’re doing great, Corinne.”
“Well. Thank you.” She took the compliment lightly. Maybe too lightly. “It’s too early to start the grill, but if you call me from the truck, I’ll have it heated up when you guys get back.”
“Sounds good.” He touched a long-nosed lighter to the kindling in the fire pit, waiting for the first flickers of success. “If you ever need anything...” He waited until she looked up, and when she did, there it was again. A tiny spark of connection when his eyes met hers. “Call me, okay? I’m right over there, and I’m happy to help.”
“That’s a really nice offer.” Sincerity deepened her tone, while her expression stayed matter-of-fact. “The Penskis were gone a lot, so I’d only seen them twice since we moved in last year. And when the weather turns, it’s kind of desolate down here. Like Tee said, most folks use these as summer homes, so there aren’t too many neighbors during the winter. It will be nice to have you nearby.”
He puffed on the kindling until a curl of smoke burst into tiny licks of flame. “I saw that little park at the end of the road by the turnoff. It’s got a small baseball field.”
“A relic from times past, when neighborhoods got together to play ball. That’s Welch Grove Park.”
“It’s quiet and I can practice ball with the kids there whenever they’re available.”
“I played ball on that field when I was a girl.” She tapped the grill as if tapping home plate and took a batter’s stance.
“You lived here?”
“Off and on, with my grandparents.”
She didn’t elaborate and it wasn’t his business to delve, but why hadn’t she been with her parents?
Not his business, so he kept to baseball. “They had softball there?”
“Hardball.”
She’d surprised him again. “You played hardball?”
“Seven years. When I got to high school girls could only play softball, and that’s a whole other game.” She moved a chair that didn’t need moving and shrugged. “I moved on to other things. That’s why I loved seeing Amy make the team when Drew Slade came back to town. A girl with that kind of talent shouldn’t be relegated to a minimal role in anything.”
“If you’re good enough, you play.” It made sense to him, regardless of gender.
“That’s something you and I can agree on.” She didn’t mention the festival controversy per se, but he understood the meaning behind the words.
“Gabe.” Mack called his name from across the yards. “We need to know how you want some of the things set up.”
“Coming.” He tipped his ball cap slightly. “One more load to get, and that should do it on our end. I’ll be happy to man the grill when we get back.”
“I am delighted to accept the offer.”
“Good.”
He jogged back to his place.
He’d hurried over there to clear the air over Thursday’s meeting. She’d lost an important battle, one that meant she’d be facing angry vendors at the upcoming holiday festival. The out-of-town vendors had paid a significant fee to contract their space on the grounds of the historic Gallagher farm at the edge of town. They weren’t expecting to have local buses transporting their shoppers downtown every fifteen minutes. There would be backlash, mostly directed at Corinne because she headed the committee. It wasn’t her fault, and he felt bad about that. He’d sided with the local businesses from a practical angle. Putting Corinne in the crosshairs hadn’t been the intention, but it was a probable outcome.
Would she hold a grudge?
He hoped not, but her guarded nature didn’t make her an easy read.
“Coach, I can’t wait for you to see how many fish there are in the lake! Grandpa showed me so many hot spots, it’s amazing! Do you like perch and bass?” Tee grabbed his hand in an excited grip as he crossed the yard.
He loved both. He nodded as the old weight redescended.
“Then maybe we can go fishing sometime together,” Tee exclaimed. “I can ask Mom, I bet she won’t mind, and I won’t be noisy. I know not to be noisy on the boat, because Grandpa threatened to toss me overboard if I scared the fish. And I love eating fish, so why would I scare them?”
She talked at light speed, like Gracie had.
Her hands danced in the air, alive with excitement.
Her eyes so blue.
Gracie’s had been a lighter shade of blue, tinged green, but with that same kind of sparkle and joy.
Gone.
His heart choked.
So did his voice, because he couldn’t form a word around the massive lump clogging his throat.
He’d thought it would get better in time, and it had, but when he was around Tee Gallagher and her crew of funny, adolescent girlfriends, all he could think of was how sweetly Gracie would have fit into their crowd. Laughing, dancing, climbing...
“Come with me.” Susie MacIntosh thrust her arm through his and propelled him into the house. “Focus on the simple and the mundane.”
Susie had known him all those years ago, years before they both moved upstate to Grace Haven.
“You’ve got to forgive yourself, Gabe. God doesn’t want you to spend your life beating yourself up. He wants you whole and happy again.”
Susie’s opinion was similar to the reverend’s talk last Sunday.
And maybe it would have worked out that way, if Elise had been okay. But she wasn’t all right, ever again. Then she was gone, too.
“We make choices, Gabe. All of us. You, me, Mack. Elise.”
He couldn’t listen to this, because there was no way he could lay any of this on Elise. He’d left the door of the SUV slightly open. He must have. He was the last person in it. He’d pulled into his buddy’s driveway and parked. Then he’d gotten Gracie out of her car seat and walked into the broad backyard of Jim Clayton, another state trooper.
He was the designated driver, so he grabbed some cold iced tea and talked NFL prospects, waiting for the four o’clock kickoff in Jim’s man cave–style barn toward the back of the property.
And then came the scream.
Nine years later, he still heard the scream.
Elise’s voice, screaming his name, screaming for help, and Gracie Lynn, their beautiful little girl, lying so still in the grueling heat of the SUV.
Her death was ruled accidental, but he knew better. He was her father. She was his responsibility, and he’d failed her over football stats and arguments about team superiority. All while his baby girl lay perishing in the unyielding temperatures of an SUV parked beneath a brilliant September sun.
No, there were no second chances for stupid fathers.
God was big enough to forgive because he was God.
But Gabe was a mere man, and there was no way on this earth he could forgive himself. And that was that.
Chapter Three (#ua08ae45c-8952-5791-a721-32b2d8f44a0e)
The group of young movers crossed from Gabe’s yard into hers when the final load had been brought and distributed, but Corinne’s heart went into overdrive as the tall, square-shouldered policeman followed in their wake. Gabe Cutler, chatting with “Mack” MacIntosh, another local trooper.
“Mom, we’re going to check out the cove, okay?” Callan and five of his teammates got to her first.
“No swimming,” she reminded them. “It’s too cold for that.”
“No swimming. But we might throw Tee into the water, just because she’s a pest.”
Tee pretended innocence, but Corinne knew the truth. Tee was a hoot, but she could be a pain in the neck to her big brother, and no way did she want the twelve-year-old hanging out with fourteen- and fifteen-year-old boys. “I’m keeping Tee here to help me. You guys did all the heavy lifting. We’re doing food.”
“Mom.” Tee folded her arms and scowled. “Girls don’t have to stay home and cook while the brave hunter goes in search of food anymore. We can actually do things, just like they can. It’s called the new millennium.” She hooked her thumb toward the teenage ballplayers, heading for the cove up the beach. “I could have helped move things. And I should be able to go to the cove. I’m twelve.”
“I know how old you are. I was present at your birth, remember?”
But Tee saw nothing amusing in her reply. “We’ve got food ready, and everything’s done. Why can’t I go?”
What could she say? That she wasn’t sure the boys’ conversations would be okay for Tee’s ears? And that Callan deserved some time away from his nosy little sister?
The boys were good kids, but they were hormone-struck teens, and she wasn’t ready to have to deal with Tee and crushes and heartbreaks. Why had the idea of kids spaced so close together appealed to her a dozen years ago?
Oh, that’s right.
Because she didn’t know any better.
Tee huffed into the house as Gabe, Susie and Mack climbed the short steps on one side while the boys raced across the short stretch of open beach. “They did a great job today.”
“I’m so glad.” She opened the grill, judged it ready and pointed out the grilling tools hanging from a head-high two-by-four. “Tools of the trade. And the meat is in the cooler. Where’s Tucker?”
“I put him in the house. He’ll need to get a feel for his boundaries, so for now he’s napping on the floor. Or staring at us through the sliding glass doors, which seems to be more accurate at the moment.”
They all turned. The black, brown and white dog peered at them through the glass, tongue lolling, hoping they’d notice.
“That’s a tough face to ignore,” noted Mack.
“And he knows it. But better safe than sorry.” He moved toward the cooler. “I’ll save him a hot dog. Tucker forgives anything if there’s a hot dog involved.”
“I wonder if there’s a similar system that works on kids,” Corinne mused. “It’s definitely cheaper than a cell phone, which is our current argument of the day.”
“Tee doesn’t let things go, does she?”
“No. And I hate being the bad guy 24/7, but that’s kind of how things shake down.”
Understanding marked his gaze. “My mom said that, too. She raised me on her own, and she always said the hardest part was being the tough one, all the time. No respite. But it worked out in the end.”
“That’s my hope and prayer, right there. That they grow up to have full and happy lives. Like you did.”
His face drew down slightly as he began laying the meat on the hot grill surface. She started to chat with Susie as the hamburgers, hot dogs and Italian sausage sent meat-scented smoke their way.
Corinne breathed deeply, loving the scents of a cookout on the lake. Susie turned a pale shade of gray-green and looked dreadful.
Pregnant.
Corinne had dealt with morning sickness both personally and on a professional level. She took Susie’s hand and led her toward the house. “I’m going to show Susie around inside. You guys okay?”
“Just fine.”
“Yup.” Mack lifted a cold bottle of iced tea their way. “See you in a few.”
She got Susie inside to the bathroom just in time, then gave her a cool, damp washcloth to lay across her forehead. “Sit down and breathe easy, and it will pass.”
“I’m so embarrassed.” Susie’s mouth scrunched up below the wet cloth. “Corinne, you don’t even know me.”
“No time like the present.” Corinne laughed. “But I’ve seen this particular malady often enough because I’m a nurse in the crisis pregnancy unit. How far along are you?”
“Eighteen weeks. But we’ve kept it pretty quiet because pregnancy hasn’t gone well with us.”
“Susie, I’m sorry.”
Susie shrugged beneath the cool cloth, but her chin quivered. “I’m with a new doctor and she’s determined. And I’ve never been sick like this before.”
“A well-set pregnancy makes its presence known.”
“Is that true?” Susie sat up and whisked the damp cloth from her forehead. “Because the doctor said that, too.”
“It is in my experience. And I’m putting you on my prayer list right now because this would be so exciting.” She reached over and pressed Susie’s hand lightly. “A new baby coming to visit the lake next spring.” A baby...so sweet, so special, such an amazing blessing. And so very difficult for some. She saw that on her hospital unit. She’d dealt with the mercurial highs and lows of crisis pregnancy.
She’d wanted a house full of kids. She’d wanted to chase babies and toddlers and push strollers long after Tee was running and climbing and shrugging off any offers of help. Her dream had been thwarted by a felon’s bullet, but she had two beautiful children, and that was something to be grateful for.
She spotted movement on the deck. “Susie, pretend you’re looking at something.”
“Which I am, of course.” Susie picked up a book from the table as Mack came to the sliding screen door separating them from the broad wooden deck.
“How we doing in there?”
“We’ve finished the grand tour and Susie’s checking out a book I recommended.”
“Great.” He smiled through the screen at his wife. “Gabe says we’ve got about five minutes until everything’s done.”
“I’ll bring out the rest of the stuff. Susie, feel free to borrow that and tell me what you think.”
“Thank you, Corinne.”
“Tee?” Corinne called upstairs from the first floor. “Can you help me with food?” Long seconds of silence ensued before she heard Tee’s footsteps on the floor above.
Shouts from up the beach indicated the boys’ return. Corinne carried a hot potato salad out to the deck. Tee followed with a cold pasta salad, and dragged her feet every inch of the way, right up until the boys made it to the deck.
Then everything changed.
Tee raised her chin.
Her eyes sparkled.
Shoulders back, she was the epitome of charm once the deck was filled with five young baseball players.
Corinne wanted to smack a hand to her head, because if Tee was crushing on one of Callan’s friends, the result could be gut-wrenching for brother and sister.
Callan loved Tee. He’d given her that name as a toddler. She was his “Tee-Tee,” and the name stuck.
But they were stepping into uncharted waters now.
And while Corinne didn’t have to do too many weekend shifts anymore, the idea of teens with too much time on their hands was worrisome. Time alone and internet access, texting, unlimited phone use...
She wanted normal for these two, but how could she strike that balance, keep them safe and allow them to grow in current times?
“She’s got a thing for Brandon.”
Gabe’s soft voice made her turn. “You think?” Brandon was the team’s center fielder.
“Oh, yeah. She’s being subtle around him and a little too loud with the other boys, as if trying to gain his attention. And he’s oblivious.”
Corinne glanced behind her and agreed. “Can I lock her away? At least until sophomore year of college?”
He laughed softly as he removed meat from the grill. “I think that’s an excellent idea. And this road is out of the way enough that the boys won’t be visiting down here, unless they’re coming to see Callan.”
“Which they do on a regular basis.”
He exaggerated a wince. “That means team dynamics are about to change. We’ll go from total dedication to the game to split attention because of G-I-R-L-S. There goes our guaranteed spot in the state playoffs.”
She couldn’t help it. She laughed. “We’re not that bad, are we?”
“At that age?” He raised the tongs and indicated the boys and one lovestruck tween. “No contest.”
He was right. There was nothing like the bittersweet moments of young romance to mess with a kid’s head.
She dreaded it, not because she didn’t want the kids to grow up. That was normal. But the older they got, the less she could fix for them, and affairs of the heart were not easily mended.
She sighed because she knew the truth in that. Broken romances were mended only by time, faith and experience. “No one asked my opinion on this particular timeline, but if asked, I’d have put it off another year. Or two.”
“And yet, no one offers options,” Mack said as he came up alongside them. “We deal with what comes our way, the good and the bad.”
Gabe’s jaw tightened. He stared down as he flipped the meat, then piled it all onto her large platter. “I’ll put the meat on the ledge.”
He didn’t look at Mack. He didn’t look at her. He crossed the open patio overlooking the water, set the tray down and walked to the water’s edge.
Mack scrubbed a hand to his jaw, watching Gabe. Then he sighed, turned and called out to the guys. “Food’s ready!”
“Great!”
“Awesome!”
“Thanks for doing this, Mrs. G.!”
The grown-ups waited while the boys filled their plates, and when they all gravitated toward the water—and their beloved coach—the adults had a quiet patio to themselves.
Gabe stayed by the water, talking with the boys. Should she go get him? Remind him that the food was getting cold? He’d been fine, working, cooking, talking, and then...not fine.
He started their way a few minutes later.
He didn’t look at her. Didn’t look at anyone, not really. If alone in a crowd had a face, it was Gabe Cutler’s expression, right now.
“The burgers came out perfect, Gabe. Thank you for cooking them.”
“Happy to help.”
But he didn’t look happy at all. He kept his gaze averted and his shoulders square as if a wall had sprung up between him and the rest of the world.
Just as well.
Once the busyness of his move settled down, she’d keep a comfortable distance because she wasn’t a moonstruck adolescent.
She was a grown woman who’d already buried one lawman. Nothing in this world would make her take a chance on facing that a second time.
Chapter Four (#ua08ae45c-8952-5791-a721-32b2d8f44a0e)
Gabe faced a new normal through his spacious lakefront picture window later that afternoon. His shaded yard tapered down to a strip of sandy beach. The dock stood to the right of the property line. Corinne’s was on the left of her line, offering a wide expanse of sweet, shallow water.
Tucker would love living here.
He’d given his trusty friend a tour of the yard on a leash, reminding him of boundaries. Tucker learned quickly, but Gabe wanted to make sure he understood the commands of a new place. Chasing a rabbit up the hill to the much-busier four-lane road could be deadly, so a little time spent now was well worth it until the dog felt acclimated.
Him or you?
The mental question had Gabe scratching the back of his head.
Corinne was right. The lake was quiet in the fall. Maybe too quiet. He liked quiet in theory, but there was a soothing monotony in the noise and traffic and activity of a busy country road.
There was no busy on Lakeshore Drive in November. That meant he better do something to create his own distractions. A dozen stuffed packing boxes on the second floor should do it.
He went upstairs. He and Mack and one of the team dads had set up the furniture. Susie had put sheets and blankets on the bed, and she’d freshened the pillowcases. She’d probably cringed while doing it, because Gabe didn’t swap them out as often as he should, but she faced his grimy cases like a true friend.
That made him smile as he pulled another box open and began putting things in drawers.
A noise made him pause.
He looked outside, then down the hall and saw nothing.
Heard nothing.
He moved back to the room and resumed his task, one thing after another.
It came again. A noise. A small noise, like a tiny animal’s cry.
He had the front windows open to the fresh fall air. He peered out. A bird, maybe?
But then Tucker barked down below. He barked again as Gabe came across the open hallway above, then the big dog paced back and forth by the door. “Have you got to go out again, fella?”
Tucker panted by the street-side door, paced, then panted again.
The noise came again, closer now.
Tucker bounded up, laying two big front paws against the hardwood door, and he barked, twice.
“Down.”
The dog came down.
Gabe gave him a hand command to sit and be quiet. Tucker obeyed quickly but kept his canine attention locked on the door.
Gabe peeked outside from the side window, one hand on the weapon he carried in his back waistband.
Was someone casing the place? Skulking around?
Woven vines along the lattice blocked his view of the small covered porch. He kept his hand on the gun and quietly opened the door.
His heart stopped. And then he dropped his hands, leaving the weapon right where it was.
A baby.
Sound asleep. In a car seat. On his front step.
He stared for too many seconds, then dropped down as if someone had drawn a bead on him.
The baby sighed, thought to stick a hand into a tiny mouth, then thought better of it and dozed back off, utterly content.
His heart stopped.
A diaper bag lay next to the baby. And the baby’s wrappings appeared clean and fresh, although the car seat carrier looked worn.
Snugged in pink...
A girl, then? Most likely.
He reached out a tentative hand, then realized he was being foolish. She wasn’t going to explode if he touched her and she couldn’t stay outside on the stoop. He lifted the carrier and brought her inside.
She frowned, wriggled, then dozed right back off.
A baby.
He scratched his head and never thought twice about what he did next. He crossed the room, swung open his door and hollered for Corinne. She popped out of her sliding glass door with reading glasses perched on her head and waved. “What’s up? Do you need something?”
“Can you come over here? Now?”
“Of course.” She slipped into a pair of canvas shoes sitting on the deck and crossed the yards. “What’s wrong?”
He pointed.
She followed the direction of his hand. Her mouth dropped open in a perfect circle. “It’s a baby.”
“Yup.”
“Whose?”
He shook his head. “I have no idea.”
“What?” Disbelief formed a W between her eyes. “That’s impossible.”
“It’s quite possible, actually. I came down from upstairs and there she was, on the front porch stoop, sound asleep.”
“No note?”
He crossed to the bag and rummaged around. “I didn’t look. I was too surprised by the baby.”
“A little girl.” Corinne whispered the words and sounded absolutely joyful as she did. “Oh, Gabe, she is beautiful.”
“Except no one in their right mind abandons a beautiful baby.”
“A mother needing sanctuary for her child, maybe? You are a cop and you work in a sanctuary building.”
“Except this is my home. Not the troop house.” He pulled a zippered pocket of the bag open and found a thick envelope inside. It wasn’t sealed and he yanked out a sheaf of papers quickly. The first sheet was a letter, to him, and it was signed by his late cousin, Adrianna.
Gabe,
If you’re reading this, it’s because I’m gone. My friend Nita and I had this all worked out, and I was going to bring Jess to you, but I’m not sure what will happen now. These guys, the guys I’m working with, well...they don’t care. Not about themselves, not about their women, and they sure don’t care about innocent babies.
I stayed sober a long time, Gabe, but I’m not straight now and I can’t live with myself if something happens to her because I’m stupid and selfish. I tried to give her up to strangers, but I couldn’t do it. I just couldn’t.
You’re the best person I know. My parents disowned me and they want nothing to do with Jessie. They called her a child of sin. My sister has her hands full. Her husband left when he lost his job, and that’s a mess.
I have no one else, Gabe. I have you, and you always tried to see the good in me.
That good is gone, and I’m sorry about that. So sorry. But I was sober until after Jessie was born, so she won’t have any problems from her foolish mother.
I wish I listened when I was younger, Gabe. You tried to help. So did your mom, but I couldn’t be bothered.
We’re going on a run tonight. I don’t know how it will end, but Nita promised to bring Jessie to you.
I got these forms online. They give you custody and permission to adopt Jessie, and the free lawyer at the center told me I’d done all the right things. You would be good for her. And I think she would be good for you.
Sister Martha at the mission helped me get some things together that Jessie might need, enough to tide you over for a couple of days.
Please pray for me. This isn’t how life was supposed to be, but I’ve got only myself to blame. And if you can’t find it within yourself to raise her, will you find someone who is really nice to do it? I want her surrounded by goodness, and that’s not going to happen if she stays with me or my family.
I love you.
Adrianna.
Attached to the two-page letter were official-looking legal documents signed by his cousin Adrianna and witnessed by two people. The stamp of a notary public from Schoharie County indicated that Adrianna had followed the directions of the legal website and the attorney.
“Oh, Gabe.” Sympathy deepened Corinne’s features. “She sounds like she’s in a bad way.”
“She’s gone, Corinne.” He scrubbed a hand to his face, then his neck as the baby slept. “I went to her memorial service two weeks ago, and there were only a handful of us there. Adrianna died while she and her crooked friends were robbing a Thruway exit convenience store. And my mother never said anything about a baby. I can’t believe she wouldn’t have told me during one of our phone calls.”
“Did your mother live near her?” she asked.
“My family is in Saratoga County, on the upper side of Albany. Adrianna got herself mixed up with a bunch of gang members after she dropped out of high school. A wild crowd, according to Mom. She’s done time, twice. And now this.”
The baby squirmed, stretched and blinked.
“Is there a bottle in there?”
Gabe searched the bag. “No. But there is a can of formula.”
“Try the insulated pocket on the side.”
He did and withdrew a cool bottle. “How’d you know that was there?”
“Between my two sisters-in-law, I am surrounded by babies. I think all diaper bags have insulated pockets now, but not when I was dragging things around for Tee and Callan.”
“Right.” He didn’t remember that with Gracie’s diaper bag, either.
“You might want to heat that quickly, because when she decides she’s hungry, she’s going to let us know in no uncertain terms.”
He remembered that, too, but there was no way Corinne would know he had actual experience because he didn’t talk about it. To anyone. Ever.
He hurried to the kitchen, set the bottle in a large coffee mug and filled it with really warm water as he hit Mack’s number in his cell phone. He and Susie not only knew Gabe’s background, they were familiar with the rough family dynamics. They’d give honest advice. Then he hit 9-1-1, reported what happened and brought the warmed bottle into the living room just as the darkened sky painted an end to their Indian summer day. The wind picked up.
He handed Corinne the bottle because the last thing he was about to do was sit and feed a baby. “I’ve got to shut the door against that wind.”
“I’ve got this.” She lifted Jessie from the carrier as if she did it every day, then snugged her into the crook of her left arm once she settled into his big, broad recliner. She leaned back and stroked the baby’s cheek with one slim finger.
The baby turned eagerly. When she found the soft tip of the bottle, she latched on as if it might be her last meal.
“Isn’t it amazing, Gabe?”
“Finding an abandoned baby on your doorstep?” Talk about an understatement. “Yes.”
“Well, that.” She looked at the baby with a smile so sweet and warm that her cool and careful image dissolved before his eyes. “How instinctive we are for survival. God’s plan, to nourish us and nurture us. She knows she needs food, she demands it unequivocally, and when she gets full, I bet she smiles up at me to say thank you.”
He recalled that oft-played scenario. Gracie’s smile. Her first tear. The way she gripped his finger in the hospital nursery...
He remembered every single moment, which was exactly why there was no way he could ever do it again.
Three cars pulled into his driveway minutes later. Mack and Susie climbed out of the unmarked car and hurried to the door.
Chief of Police Drew Slade and a uniformed officer followed from their respective vehicles.
“Gabe Cutler, what’s going on?” Susie kicked off her shoes and crossed to Corinne’s side as if magnetized by the sight of such a small baby. “Oh, have you ever seen anything more beautiful?” she whispered softly. “Mack, come see.”
Mack raised a questioning brow toward Gabe, then followed Susie. “It’s a baby, all right.”
Susie jabbed him with her elbow. “It’s an amazingly beautiful and wondrous gift from God,” she scolded, only half teasing. “And someone left her here, Gabe?”
He waited until Drew was inside, then shared the details.
“I’m not sure of any other particulars,” he said, “but it seems we have a situation on our hands.”
“Not a situation.” The baby fussed and didn’t burp, so Corinne stood and circled the room. She rubbed the tiny girl’s back and murmured soft and sweet encouragement. “She’s a baby, not a situation. There is a big difference.”
“A baby whose presence has caused a situation, then,” he acknowledged. Now what on earth was he going to do about it?
“Then Jessie is your cousin, Gabe?” Susie eyed the baby from her spot in the middle of the room, and he’d have to be blind to miss the look of longing in her gaze. She and Mack had been trying for years to have a baby, with no success.
“Well, kind of. Her mother is, so I guess she is, too.”
“She’s your first cousin once removed,” Corinne said softly. “If you have kids someday, she’d be their second cousin. Oh, there,” she crooned when the baby let forth a burp far too big for such a tiny child. “Good girl, doesn’t that feel so much better?”
The baby pulled her little head back and smiled a big, wide, toothless grin of agreement.
The entire room stood still.
“Oh, Gabe.” Susie looked over at him, then Mack. “She is so perfect.”
“And I expect she wants the rest of that bottle now,” Corinne supposed. “Susie, do you want to feed her?”
“May I?” She exchanged one of those feminine looks with Corinne, the kind men recognize but can never quite comprehend.
“It would be rude of me not to offer,” Corinne told her as she laid Adrianna’s daughter into Susie’s arms. “This way we both get our baby fix.”
Susie sank onto the couch and began feeding the baby.
“Well, it is a tough situation.” Drew didn’t mess around with semantics. “Gabe, she may have left the baby with you but not with your consent, so we’re still talking a possible case of child abandonment here. Except with Adrianna gone, the baby becomes a ward of the state, I believe.”
“Leaving her with her cousin isn’t the same as on a stranger’s doorstep.” Corinne didn’t hesitate to jump in, but then Drew was her brother-in-law. “She had the presence of mind to draw up legal papers countersigned by witnesses and a notary. I think she did way more than most desperate mothers might do under the circumstances. She had a contingency plan when things went bad and had her friend implement the plan, but the mother’s intent is clearly defined in these papers.” She held up the legal forms Gabe had retrieved from the diaper bag.
“There’s protocol, Corinne.”
“Drew. Darling.” She crossed the room and looped her arm through her brother-in-law’s and Gabe knew the chief of police didn’t stand a chance. “There is always protocol. And sometimes there are moments when protocol gets bested by common sense. Gabe’s cousin did one of the smartest things she could have done for her baby girl. She left her with a man who’ll see to her future as long as it takes.”
“He’ll what?” Gabe stared at her, dismayed. “You mean watch over whoever takes her, right?”
“Takes her?”
The disbelief in his neighbor’s eyes should have shamed him, but this wasn’t his fault. Adrianna should have known better. She knew his past. Corinne didn’t. “She can’t stay here, Corinne.”
“She can’t?”
Mack frowned when Susie tucked the baby closer to her chest. “What are you going to do with her, Gabe?”
Silence reigned.
Corinne stood less than ten feet away. Was she disappointed in him?
Well, join the club because he’d been disappointed in himself for years.
The uniformed officer cleared his throat and Drew withdrew his phone. “I can call Child Protective Services, Gabe. They’ll find a foster home for her. They’ve always got emergency placement homes lined up.”
Foster care.
It was a viable alternative. He could drop by and visit the baby, make sure everything was all right. It would give him time to think. Time to rationalize the irrationality of finding babies on doorsteps.
She cooed just then. She leaned back, away from the bottle, and when Gabe looked down, the soft coo of her voice tunneled him back twelve years.
Elise, nursing their baby girl, then Gracie pausing her meal to smile up at him. At her dad. At the man who pledged to keep her safe and sound, all of her days.
He couldn’t do this.
He crossed to the door, needing space, needing air, needing—
He barged through to the outside and hauled in a deep breath.
It wasn’t enough air, not nearly enough.
A wind gust brought a flutter of last leaves down around him, gold and red and orange and yellow, spiraling to the ground.
People around town spouted how they loved fall; the parade of colors; the crisp, cold nights; the sun-swept hills of tree-changing splendor.
They were stupid.
The change of colors signified one thing: loss of life. The leaf got one shot at being glorious before being trampled.
Dark thoughts ran through his head. He’d failed before, miserably. How could Adrianna think him good enough to look after such a prize? Such a perfectly wonderful tiny soul?
“Gabe.”
He turned.
Corinne stood in the doorway. She beckoned him in.
The cold wind picked up, tossing her hair over her shoulders, into her face.
She’d never understand.
Well, she won’t if you don’t give her a chance, his conscience reasoned. She might surprise you because people who’ve loved and lost are pretty empathetic.
He saw Drew beyond the window, his phone to his ear.
Susie was holding the baby as if wishing she could change places with him. The young officer stood off to the side, quiet and still, uncertain.
But not as uncertain as Gabe at that moment. He pulled his keys out of his pocket and raised them up. “I’ll be back.”
“Gabe.” She moved across the narrow porch, her arms clutched around her middle. “Come back, Gabe. Please. Drew’s making arrangements.”
Making arrangements.
Just like that, as if one word from him sealed the baby’s fate. Adrianna had offered him a chance—
A chance he didn’t dare take.
“Tell him to go ahead. I need time, Corinne. Just...” He settled into his car and backed it out, around Drew’s cruiser. And then he drove north, away from the lake, and then west, away from people because the last thing Gabe Cutler wanted to do was fail another innocent child.
* * *
Gabe’s driveway sat empty when he pulled back into the house two hours later.
Drew had sent him a text shortly after he left the lakeshore. Baby in good hands. Take your time figuring this out. We locked up the house.
They’d left. And they’d taken that sweet, innocent baby with them.
Good.
That was better for her. Better than being in his care.
Is it? his conscience wondered. Is being with strangers better for Jess? Or better for you?
He pulled into the drive, shut off the engine and hung his head, ashamed.
He’d run away in that baby’s hour of need. What kind of person did that?
A surprised one?
He ignored the mental sensibility. Gabe wasn’t about to let himself off that easy. Sure, he was surprised, but it wasn’t surprise that sent him scurrying into the hills. It was panic, pure and simple.
The wind swept in from the west, an early glimpse of the coming winter. Leaves spiraled and tumbled in the surrounding darkness, adding touches of color to fading leaf clutter already on the ground.
He parked the car in the garage and climbed out on leaden legs.
Adrianna was gone, but tied up in a swirl of bad choices, she’d tried to do something right. Only it wasn’t right. She said she trusted him with her child, but what she messed up—what she couldn’t possibly understand—was that he didn’t trust himself.
And that made all the difference.
Chapter Five (#ua08ae45c-8952-5791-a721-32b2d8f44a0e)
“Hey, what was going on over at Coach’s house today?” Tee asked as she and Corinne cleared the table from dinner. Callan had gone upstairs to write a report due on Monday. “I saw a bunch of cars there, including Uncle Drew’s, but then they were all gone by the time I was done with my Revolutionary War project profile. Did they have to move more stuff in?”
Corinne shaded the truth to give Gabe time to figure things out. “A case they’d been working on needed some fine-tuning.”
“On a Saturday when he moves into a new house?”
“The law never rests.”
“I guess.” Tee rinsed the last bowls and tucked them into the dishwasher, then asked a question she hadn’t asked in a long while. “Do you still miss my dad?”
Tee never called Dave “Daddy.” Was that because she’d never known him, despite Corinne’s efforts to create a relationship that didn’t exist on a physical level? She didn’t know. She swiped a wet cloth to the table and answered as honestly as she could. “Every day. But not like it used to be.”
Tee scrunched her brow, waiting for a deeper explanation.
“Your dad and I loved each other. And when he died, my heart just about fell apart. It kind of shattered into a gazillion little pieces, like when the ice breaks apart in the spring.”
“Crunching and crackling and groaning.”
“Exactly. But then you were born, like the best gift God could have possibly given me.” Her words inspired Tee’s smile. “Callan was two and I was so busy taking care of both of you that I didn’t have time to feel sorry for myself. I missed him like crazy, but then it was more like I missed him because of what you both missed. Hearing him laugh. Hearing him sing.”
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