Second Chance Pass
Robyn Carr
The Virgin River seriesSecond Chance Pass - Book 5In the space of a few months Vanessa buried her husband, Matt, and gave birth to their son–breaking her heart while filling it with a whole new kind of love.But the one man she longs to share this love with now acts as if she doesn't exist. Paul Haggerty lives by the marine motto: Semper Fi. Ever faithful to his best friend, he's done right by Matt's widow as best he can…considering he's been secretly in love with her for years. Now, just as he's about to make his move, another woman has staked her claim on him–a claim that will be tough to escape.With courage, humility and not a little meddling from the good folks of Virgin River, Vanni and Paul might just get a second chance to have the love they both desire and deserve.Praise for Robyn Carr ‘A touch of danger and suspense make the latest in Carr's Thunder Point series a powerful read.’ –RT Book Reviews on The Hero‘With her trademark mixture of humor, realistic conflict, and razor-sharp insights, Carr brings Thunder Point to vivid life.’ –Library Journal on The Newcomer‘No one can do small-town life like Carr.' –RT Book Reviews on The Wanderer‘Strong conflict, humor and well-written characters are Carr's calling cards, and they're all present here… You won't want to put this one down.’ –RT Book Reviews on Angel's Peak‘This story has everything: a courageous, outspoken heroine, a to-die-for hero and a plot that will touch readers' hearts on several different levels. Truly excellent.’ –RT Book Reviews on Forbidden Falls‘An intensely satisfying read. By turns humorous and gut-wrenchingly emotional, it won't soon be forgotten.’ –RT Book Reviews on Paradise Valley‘Carr has hit her stride with this captivating series.’ –Library Journal on the Virgin River series‘The Virgin River books are so compelling - I connected instantly with the characters and just wanted more and more and more.’ –#1 New York Times bestselling author Debbie Macomber
Praise for RITA
Award-winning author Robyn Carr
The American Library Association’s Booklist names Virgin River one of 2007’s top ten romances.
“The Virgin River books are so compelling—I connected instantly with the characters and just wanted more and more and more.”
—#1 New York Times bestselling author Debbie Macomber
“Robyn Carr creates strong men, fascinating women and a community you’ll want to visit again and again. Who could ask for more?”
—New York Times bestselling author Sherryl Woods
“Virgin River is sexy, tense, emotional and satisfying. I can’t wait for more!”
—New York Times bestselling author Carla Neggers
“A thrilling debut of a series that promises much to come.”
—New York Times bestselling author Clive Cussler
“Jennifer is a beautifully drawn character whose interior journey is wonderful to behold.”
—Romantic Times BOOKreviews on Runaway Mistress
“This is one author who proves a Carr can fly.”
—Book Reviewer on Blue Skies
“Robyn Carr provides readers [with] a powerful, thought-provoking work of contemporary fiction.”
—Midwest Book Review on Deep in the Valley
“A remarkable storyteller.”
—Library Journal
“A warm, wonderful book about women’s friendships, love and family. I adored it!”
—New York Times bestselling author Susan Elizabeth Phillips on The House on Olive Street
“A delightfully funny novel.”
—Midwest Book Review on The Wedding Party
Second Chance Pass
Robyn Carr
www.mirabooks.co.uk (http://www.mirabooks.co.uk)
Dear Reader,
Welcome back to Virgin River!
Many of you have written to ask if Virgin River is based on an actual town because, if it is, you’d like to move there! I hate to break it to you, but you’d better unpack those boxes—the town lives only in my mind.
Second Chance Pass, Temptation Ridge and Paradise Valley are the next three books in the VIRGIN RIVER series. You’ll be reacquainted with some old friends, as well as making some new ones. As in life itself, the series continues with stories of romantic fulfillment, of lessons learned and of some hard goodbyes. In your letters you’ve told me how much you’ve enjoyed the strong, handsome, virile men of Virgin River. You’ve admired the beauty, inner strength and intelligence of the women. But what I hear about most is your love for a place where commitment is law—and not just romantic commitment, but the bonding of brotherhood, the fealty of neighbors, the loyalty of an abiding friendship.
I know many of you have ties to the military, and the fact that the Virgin River men have served their country in times of war has added greatly to their charisma. Apart from their obvious sex appeal, it is their solid, emotional core that so many of you have responded to. These characters embody values we all regard as admirable. Honorable.
So although Virgin River is a fictional town, it can be created in any heart. It’s a place where a glass is half-full, where people gain strength from shouldering their burdens and challenges, where people do the right thing simply because it’s the right thing to do.
Want to live in Virgin River? Just close your eyes and open your heart.
Robyn Carr
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
Special thanks to my very own midwife consultant, Pam Glenn, and to Sharon Lampert, women’s health nurse practitioner, with deep appreciation for all the long talks, advice, reading, editing and most of all, for being extraordinary friends.
Chief Kris Kitna of Fortuna, California, Police Department has been a wealth of information on local detail, law enforcement, firearms, hunting and so many other things. Special thanks for never tiring of my constant questions.
Debbie Gustavson, physical therapist extraordinaire, my gratitude for taking so much time to help me understand the physical, emotional and psychological stages in rehabilitation and recovery. Your patients are very, very lucky to have you. And I am blessed to have you as a friend.
Without Kate Bandy’s input on every fresh manuscript, I would be so lost. Thank you for all your time, your valuable comments, your undying support and a friendship that has sustained me for decades.
Michelle Mazzanti, thank you for reading early drafts and propping me up. Every comment offered was always spot-on and crucial to helping me craft a better book.
Special thanks to Rebecca (Beki) Keene and Sokreatrey (Ing) Cruz, my two dear Internet friends. Beki gets applause for helping to solve plot problems and Ing is a genius at coming up with character names. Your support through a million e-mails discussing characters and stories has been priceless.
Thanks again to Denise and Jeff Nicholl for reading and commenting on manuscripts, and for wonderful encouragement and friendship.
To Colleen Gleason, talented author and special friend, thank you for hand selling so many copies of the Virgin River series. You are like a one-man band!
And a very special and heartfelt thanks to my editor, Valerie Gray, and to my agent, Liza Dawson. What a fabulous team. Your diligence and assistance at every turn made this little town and its people possible. I’m so grateful.
This novel is dedicated to Valerie Gray,
my editor and friend. Your commitment
and support has made everything possible.
Your dedicated work has made everything better.
Your affection has made everything sweeter.
Contents
Prologue
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Prologue
Paul Haggerty was finally back in Grants Pass after almost six months in Virgin River and there was an ache in his chest he just couldn’t ease. The last six months had been hell.
Paul had gone to Virgin River back in the autumn to help finish Jack Sheridan’s new house. Much to his surprise, he discovered Vanessa Rutledge was living in Virgin River with her father and younger brother while her husband, Matt, served in Iraq. She was pregnant with Matt’s baby and looking more beautiful than ever. Seeing her had reminded Paul of the serious “thing” he’d had for Vanessa since first laying eyes on her all those years ago. But his best friend was the one she had married. Then life went into fast forward.
Just before the baby was born they all had a video conference with Matt. The call was mostly for Matt and Vanni as it was the first time in six months they’d seen one another. Then everyone else got to say a quick hi and when it was Paul’s turn Matt had said to him, “If anything goes wrong over here, look after Vanni.”
It couldn’t have gone more wrong. Matt was killed in an explosion in Baghdad the first week in December. It had been a terrible time and Vanni had asked Paul to stay until the baby came—another two months. Of course he agreed, and all that time he held it together so Vanni could lean on him. But the strain of the situation, his secret love for Vanni and his grief for his best friend ate him alive.
He thought going home to Grants Pass would ease the pain or at least distract him from it, but instead the pressure continued to build. A night out drinking with some of his construction crew and getting painfully loaded, only added a miserable headache to his breaking heart. He felt like a dead man, slogging through the days, tossing through the sleepless nights.
Without thinking too much about it, he called a woman he’d been out with a couple of times. Terri. He needed the distraction of someone who wasn’t already caught up in his drama. What qualified Terri was that their friendship had been easy; there was no clinging, no expectations. Plus, she used to make him laugh. She was simply a nice young woman, twenty-nine years to Paul’s thirty-six. Terri was the only woman he’d been out with in a couple of years, and he hadn’t talked to her in six months. That, if anything, should have told him something, but he hadn’t been paying attention.
He started out the conversation with, “Hey, Terri. Long time.” He asked her to dinner, but first confirmed that she wasn’t in a relationship—he didn’t want to complicate her life.
She laughed at that. “I wish,” she said. “No boyfriend, Paul. In fact, I’ve hardly gone out in the past few months. Let’s go someplace quiet and low-key, just catch up.” This was just the response he’d been hoping for and he’d been so grateful.
Paul rang her doorbell and when she came to her apartment door, he realized he had forgotten how pretty she was. Small of stature with shoulder-length dark brown hair and large eyes, she flashed him the bright, sexy smile that first got his attention a year ago. She laughed that wild laugh of hers and threw her arms around his neck. “God, it’s great to see you! I can’t wait to hear your excuse for disappearing for months!”
“Hey, remember Rosa’s? That hole-in-the-wall Mexican place? How about we go there?”
“Love it,” she said.
Paul stared straight ahead as he drove them to the restaurant, his jaw locked. He tapped his fingers on the steering wheel and shifted in his seat; maybe this wasn’t such a good idea, he thought. When they walked in the door, Terri pointed to a dark, corner booth and said, “Back there.” And when they sat down she said, “You’re not a real talkative guy, Paul, but it’s obvious something’s wrong.”
“I just got back to town from California. I’m a little behind on everything.”
She was shaking her head. “No, it’s more than that. You’re upset and nervous, and I wasn’t going to say anything, but you have dark circles, like you’re not sleeping. Since I haven’t seen or heard from you in a long time, I know it isn’t anything I did. You act like you just got out of prison. Go ahead—I’m a good listener.”
That was all it took. He ordered himself a beer and a glass of wine for Terri and let it spill. Best friend, dead. Best friend’s wife pregnant. Him hanging around, trying his best to hold her up.
“Good God,” she said, shaking her head. “You could have called me, you know. I mean, going through something horrible and not having anyone to talk to can make things so much worse.”
“I feel like a real jerk dumping on you now,” he said.
“Well, save it. I’m a girl, girls talk about their tragedies and heartaches. And if you don’t get it out, it’s going to eat a hole in you.”
“That’s how it feels,” Paul admitted. “Like I swallowed acid. Matt and I became best friends in junior high. I have two brothers but Matt was an only child, so he spent more time at my house than his own. We served in the Marine Corps together—he stayed active while I went to the reserves. I think my mom and dad were hit as hard by his death as I was. But his wife…Aw, Terri. I’ve never seen anything so painful. Here she was, about to have their first child, and she would cry until she was weak and dry. All I could do was hold her. But it was worse at night when the only sound in the house was Vanni sobbing in bed.”
Terri reached for his hand. “Paul…”
He held her hand while he talked. “When the baby came, she wanted me with her. Because Matt couldn’t be, I guess. It was the worst and best thing I’ve ever done, seeing that baby being born. It made me so proud to hold Matt’s baby.” He looked away and blinked back emotion. “On his headstone they put Matt Rutledge, beloved husband, father, brother, son, friend. That brother part—that was for me, for us, the brothers in arms. It just doesn’t feel like he’s gone. But he’s so gone and I just can’t seem to get over it. And if I’m feeling this way then Vanni must be torn to pieces.”
Right then the food was delivered, but they didn’t eat much. Paul had another beer and told her stories of growing up with Matt, playing football, driving their parents’ cars too fast, trying to hustle girls with little success, enlisting in the Corps after two years of college and Matt’s parents going absolutely, totally, cosmically nuts. “My parents weren’t happy, but Matt’s were out of their minds. Matt’s mother was convinced that I’d talked Matt into it, but the truth is, that’s what he wanted. Period. I went along because I didn’t want him going in alone. Or maybe I didn’t want to stay behind without him. My mom used to say we were joined at the hip.”
Their plates were taken away, and they lingered over coffee while Paul continued to reminisce. Pretty soon they’d been in that corner booth for a couple of hours.
“I’ve never lost anyone that close,” Terri said, her eyes liquid. “I can’t imagine how hard it must be. You should have called me, Paul. You shouldn’t have shouldered that alone, without support.”
He squeezed her hand. “When I called you, I didn’t have any intention of dumping all this on you. At least not consciously. I thought you’d take my mind off it for a while. But talking to someone who isn’t in the middle of it helps,” he said. “The whole bunch of ’em in Virgin River are so frickin’ torn up—Vanni, her dad, her little brother—I couldn’t let down my guard for a second. Even around my own family—my mom starts crying the second Matt’s name comes up.”
“You must feel like you’re going to explode,” she said.
“You know what I wish?” Paul said. “I know this is nuts—I wish I’d been there with him. I wish it had been me instead of him.”
She was shaking her head. “No. Oh, Jesus, no.”
“He’s got a family. He should be with them. You just have no idea the kind of man he was—he took loyalty to the next level. I could always count on Matt.”
“He counted on you, too. He asked you to look out for his wife…”
“He wouldn’t have had to ask.”
“Paul, you did for Matt what he would have done for you.”
Paul was reflective for a few moments realizing that this woman he’d been out with a few times, slept with a couple of times on a mutually agreed to “friends with privileges” status, could bring him this degree of comfort and understanding. “I owe you, Terri,” he said. “I didn’t realize how much I needed to talk to someone about this.”
She smiled. “Men,” she said, shaking her head. “All that stoicism wrecks your stomach. And usually causes migraines.”
He grinned at her, feeling almost human. “I’ve never had a migraine, but I think my headache’s letting up. For the first time in a while.”
“Look around,” she said. “There’s only one other couple in here, and they’re eating. Let’s get out of here before they start putting the chairs upside down on the tables and mopping the floor.”
“Yeah,” he agreed. “I’ve put you through enough. And thanks. For listening.”
When he walked her up the stairs to her second floor apartment, she turned and asked, “Would you like to come in?”
He shook his head immediately. Terri had done a lot for him tonight, just giving him a place to unload. He wasn’t about to take advantage of that. “I don’t think so. But thanks.”
She smiled up at him. She pulled on his hand, drawing him into the apartment. “I’d better not,” he said again, but he said it more softly. And when the door closed, he found his hands were on her waist, his mouth seeking her mouth. And just like the last time he’d been with her, she was up on her toes to reach him, circling his neck with her arms, leaning in to him.
“No,” he said against her mouth. “I’m all screwed up. Tell me no.”
She pressed against him, tonguing his lips apart. “I would hate doing that.”
And he was gone. Brain freeze took over. He had no judgment, no willpower. He was all raw need and pain and gratitude. This was as unburdened as he’d felt in months and he was weak from having carried that grievous load for so long. Before a whole minute had passed, he had Terri down on the couch, kissing her, touching her, hearing her say, yes, yes, yes, yes.
He had one moment of sanity before he slipped his hand under her knit shirt. “Terri, this isn’t a good idea…I didn’t call you for this…I didn’t plan on this…”
“I didn’t, either,” she whispered, letting her eyes fall closed. “God, I missed you.”
Paul’s brain took a hike. He was all physical sensation. He was hard; she was soft. He was desperate, she was hot and willing, and beneath him she seemed as needy as he felt. He ground against her, her bare breast in his hand, his tongue licking its way along her neck. Her hands were on his belt buckle, then his zipper; his hands were tugging at her clothes while she squirmed and moaned. His lips were on her nipple; her hand wrapped around him and he almost lost it. He grabbed for his pocket, pulled an old condom from his wallet and, in a hoarse, desperate whisper he asked, “You have your side covered?”
“The pill, remember?” she answered breathlessly. “Oh God, oh God, oh God.”
Paul felt his pulse slow just slightly. The gentleman in him had to be sure she wasn’t left hanging so he took a moment, slid a finger along that erogenous knot in her very center while his lips tugged at her breast and when her sighs turned into near cries, he entered her, pumped his hips, waited for pleasure to lock her hips against him and steal her breath away, and he let months of misery spill out of him.
The first thing he felt, while he panted and tried to catch his breath, was overwhelming relief. Basic, primal, physical relief, as potent as a narcotic. The next thing he felt was regret. He shouldn’t have done that. Even though they had an understanding he could sense that she cared about him. Why else would she listen to him with such sensitivity; draw him inside and welcome this encounter.
But he loved someone else.
Haggerty, you are a brainless fool! he thought to himself.
But he put a hand against the hair at her temple and brushed it back over her ear while she drifted slowly back to earth and her eyes opened. “Okay?” he asked.
She nodded and smiled. “God, I missed you so much.”
He gently kissed her lips. “I shouldn’t have let that happen. I’m too messed up. But thank you.”
She put a palm against his cheek. “My pleasure,” she said softly, smiling.
He held his weight off her and even though he felt stupid and guilty, he managed to smile at her. When a respectable length of time had passed, he said, “I’m sorry, but I can’t stay. I’d better get going.”
“I know. But maybe it won’t be six months until you call me again.”
“It won’t be,” he said. He would call her again, take her out for a drink, and try to explain that even though he didn’t have any reason to be optimistic, his heart was tied up elsewhere. And as long as that was the case, it was wrong for him to be intimate with Terri. She was a good person. She deserved better.
One
Vanessa Rutledge stood in front of her husband’s grave, her coat pulled tightly around her against the crisp March breeze, red hair billowing in the wind. “I know this is going to seem like a strange request—but I just don’t know who else to ask. Matt, you know I love you, that I’ll always love you, that I see you in your son’s eyes every day. But, darling, I’m going to love again, and I need your blessing. If I have that, I’d like you to give the man who is to be my future a little nudge. Let him know it’s all right. Please? Let him know he’s so much more than—”
“Vanessa!”
Her father was standing out on the deck behind the house holding the baby away from himself, like he’d just pooped on his mess dress. It was past time to leave. Little Matt had been born six weeks ago and this morning they were both seeing Mel Sheridan for their first checkups since his birth. Her father, retired general Walt Booth, was acting as chauffeur so that he could watch the baby while Vanessa had her exam.
“Coming, Dad!” she called. She looked back at the grave. “We’ll have a real conversation about this later,” she told the headstone. She blew a long kiss in that direction and hurried down the little hill, past the stable and up to the house.
The last place Vanessa ever expected to find herself was in a tiny mountain town of six hundred. When her father chose this property a couple of years before his retirement from the Army, she and Matt had taken a look at it. Matt fell in love with it at once. “When I go,” he had said, “plant me on that little hill, under that tree.”
“Stop it!” she had laughed, slapping his arm, neither of them realizing how prophetic his words would be.
There was a time, years before she met Matt, that Vanni had envisioned herself as a high-powered news anchor; using her degree in communications. She decided to take a year before pursuing an eighty-hour-a-week career path and, on a whim, went to work as a flight attendant. One year turned into five because she loved the job, the travel, the people. She’d still been working for the airline when Matt left for Iraq. It was her loneliness and advancing pregnancy that had sent her packing to Virgin River. She had thought it would be temporary—she’d have the baby, wait for her husband’s return from war and move on to his next assignment with him. Instead Matt was brought here, to that little hill with the tree on it.
She didn’t cry as much anymore, though she missed him; missed the laughter, the long, late-night talks. Missed having someone hold her, whisper to her.
Walt had the diaper bag slung over his shoulder and was headed for the car. “Vanessa, you spend too much time talking to that grave. We should’ve put him somewhere else. Out of sight.”
“Oh, dear,” she said, lifting a curious eyebrow, the corner of her mouth twitching. “Matt hasn’t been complaining that I’m bothering him, has he?”
“Not funny,” he said.
“You worry too much,” she told her dad, taking the baby from him to put him in the car seat. “I’m not brooding. There are some things no one but Matt should hear. And gee, he’s so handy…”
“Vanessa! For God’s sake!” He took a breath. “You need girlfriends.”
She laughed at him. “I have plenty of girlfriends.” She had lots of girlfriends from flying days and, even though they didn’t live nearby, they were great about visiting and staying in touch, giving her every opportunity to talk about Matt, about grief, then about the baby and recovery. “You’ll be happy to know Nikki’s coming up for the weekend,” she said. “A girlfriend.”
Walt hefted himself into the driver’s seat. “We’ve been seeing a lot of Nikki lately. Either she can’t stay away from the new baby or things aren’t going so well with her and that…that…” Walt couldn’t seem to finish.
“She can’t stay away from the baby and no, things aren’t going well with Craig. I smell a split coming,” Vanessa said.
“I never liked him,” Walt said with a grunt.
“No one likes him. He’s an ass,” Vanni said. Her best friend, too sweet for her own good, wanted a husband and children, but instead was stuck with a live-in arrangement that had gone flat years ago, leaving her almost as alone as Vanni.
Vanni had other friends besides fellow flight attendants. She’d begun to grow close to some of the women in town—her midwife, Mel Sheridan; Paige, who worked alongside her husband in the only bar and grill in town; Brie, Mel’s sister-in-law. Still, there were some things only Matt would understand.
When you live in a place like Virgin River where the doctor’s office only makes appointments on Wednesdays, it’s a pretty good bet there won’t be any waiting around. Sure enough, Mel was standing in the reception area right inside the door waiting for them to arrive. Her face lit up in delight as they walked in and she immediately reached for the baby. “Ooooh, come heeeere,” she sang. “Let me look at you!” She lifted him as if weighing him. Then she cuddled him close. “He’s looking good, Vanni. Getting nice and fat on the breast.” She looked at Walt. “How’s Grandpa doing?”
“Grandpa could use more sleep,” Walt grumbled.
Vanessa made a face. “There’s no reason in the world he has to get up. He certainly can’t help me nurse the baby.”
“I wake up, that’s all. And if I’m up and Vanni’s up, I might as well see if she needs anything.”
Mel smiled at him. “That’s a good grandpa,” she said. “He’ll be sleeping through the night before you know it.”
“When did David sleep through the night?” Vanni asked of Mel’s one-year-old.
“The first time or the last time?” Mel asked. “You might not want to ask that—we have sleeping issues at our house. And now Jack lets him in the bed with us. Take my advice, don’t start that!”
Vanessa peered at Mel’s growing tummy. David had just turned a year and their second baby was due in May. “I hope you have a really big bed,” she said.
“There will be plenty of room when I kick Jack out of it. Come on—let’s look at Mattie first and take care of his shots.” Mel carried the baby back to the exam room with Vanessa following behind.
Mel had delivered little Matt right in Vanessa’s bedroom and their bond had grown deep and strong. It didn’t take long to determine the baby was at a good weight and in excellent health. “I’ll take him out to Walt while you get into a gown, how’s that?”
“Thanks,” Vanni said.
A few minutes later Mel was back. “Your dad took the baby over to Jack’s for a cup of coffee. And some male bonding, I suppose.”
Vanni had taken her place on the exam table, and Mel checked her heart, blood pressure, and got her in position for a pelvic. “Everything looks great. You had a wonderful delivery, Vanni—you’re in excellent shape. And boy, did you lose weight quickly. Isn’t breast-feeding a miracle?”
“I’m not back in my old jeans yet.”
“I bet you’re close. Go ahead, sit up,” Mel said, offering a hand. “Anything we should talk about?”
“Lots of things. Can I ask you something personal?”
“You can always ask,” Mel said while writing in the chart.
“I know that before you married Jack, you were widowed…”
Mel stopped writing. She closed the chart and looked at Vanni with a sympathetic smile. “I’ve been expecting this conversation,” she said.
“How long was it?” Vanni asked, and Mel knew exactly what she was referring to.
“I met Jack nine months after my husband’s death. I married him six months later. And if you confer with the town historian and gossips, you’ll learn that I was at least three months pregnant at the time. Closer to four.”
“We have a town historian?”
“About six hundred of them,” Mel said with a laugh. “If you have anything you’d like to keep secret, you should consider moving to another town.”
“Matt’s only been dead a few months, but he’s been gone almost a year…Mel, he wasn’t on a business trip. He was in combat, out of touch. I talked to him a total of three times, saw his face once on live video cam. The letters were short and sparse. It’s been a really long time since—”
Mel touched Vanni’s knee. “There’s no rule of thumb on this, Vanessa. Everything I’ve read, and I’ve read a lot about widowhood, says that when people enter new relationships relatively soon after losing a spouse, it indicates they had happiness in their marriage. Being married was a good experience for them.” She smiled.
“I didn’t even know for sure I was pregnant when Matt left for Iraq last May. I’m not thinking about another marriage, of course,” Vanni said. “But I am thinking about—Well, what I’m thinking is that I don’t want to be alone forever.”
“Of course you shouldn’t be alone forever. You have a lot of life to live.”
Vanni smiled. “Should I be thinking about birth control?”
“We can talk about that. You wouldn’t want to be as unprepared as your midwife. Especially with having a baby to take care of. Believe me.” She took a breath and ran a hand over her big belly. “I wouldn’t let myself think ahead! I remember when my sister said, ‘I know widows who have remarried, and are happy.’ I almost took her head off. I was appalled. I wasn’t at all hopeful life could go on.”
“It sure went on for you,” Vanni said.
“Boy howdy. I came here absolutely determined to live out my days lonely and miserable, but that damn Jack—he ambushed me. I think I fell in love with him the minute I met him, but I fought it. As though I might somehow be unfaithful to my husband’s memory by moving on, which was absurd. I had the kind of husband who would have wanted me to have love in my life, and I bet you did, too.”
“You don’t send a man off to war without talking a few things through—my parents taught me that. One of the first ways Tom and I figured out the general was headed for a possible deployment was when the paperwork came out. Wills, trusts, etcetera. Not just in case something happened to him, but what if he was away in some jungle or desert war zone and something happened to Mom?” She smiled a bit wistfully. “Matt didn’t dwell on the worst-case scenario, but he was quick and to the point. He said I wasn’t the type to wallow and he’d be disappointed in me if I did. He had a few requests—where he wanted to be buried, what to do with his favorite personal items, to make sure his parents got regular visits especially if we had children. And—if a good man showed his face, I was not to hesitate.” She took a breath. “My requests of him were almost identical.” She straightened. “If I’m lucky enough to run into another man half as wonderful as Matt, I should be ready.”
“Absolutely. It’s not at all impossible, even in little old Virgin River. Let’s get you something reliable while you’re considering all this. You want a pill you can take while breast-feeding? Can I hook you up with a diaphragm or IUD? Have you given the options any thought?”
Vanni smiled gratefully. Of course she’d thought about it. “Yes. IUD please.”
“Let’s go over the models,” Mel said. Then she smiled. “By the way, you’re all cleared for intercourse. Should you find…”
Vanni laughed. “Thanks,” she said.
“You have good judgment. Make sure there’s a condom involved. We don’t want the transmission of any—”
“I have good judgment,” Vanni repeated. “And extremely good taste.”
There was a man on Vanessa’s mind, he was the reason she’d found herself imploring Matt for help and blessings. Matt’s best friend; her best friend. Paul.
He spent months in Virgin River, supporting and comforting her, spending Christmas away from his parents, brothers and their families. They spent a lot of time talking about Matt; crying about Matt, lost in hours of sentimental remembering. Without Paul’s strength, she’d never have gotten through the worst of it. He was her rock.
Her relationship with Paul went back much further, of course. It wasn’t as though they became friends because of Matt’s death. In fact, that night long ago when she met Matt, it had been Paul across the room who’d first caught her eye. He was so tall, his legs so long and hands so big, it was hard for him not to stand out in a crowd. There was that willful, sandy hair that had to be kept short because it would defy any kind of styling. Not that Paul was the kind of man to fuss with his hair—it was obvious even from a distance that he stuck to basics. It was his masculinity she noticed; he looked like a lumberjack who’d cleaned up to go into town. He had an engaging smile; one tooth in front was just a little crooked and he had a dimple on the left cheek. Heavy brown brows, deep chocolate eyes—details she discovered a bit later, of course. She hadn’t even noticed Matt…
But it was Matt who put the rush on her, swept her off her feet, made her laugh, made her blush. While Paul hung back, shy and silent, Matt charmed her to her very bones. And shortly after the charm, he made her desire him madly, love him deeply. He was hardly a consolation prize—he was one of the best men in the world. And a devoted husband, so in love with her.
She loved Paul before Matt’s death, grew to love him more deeply afterward. When little Mattie was born, she said to Paul, “I will never love anyone but Matt.” But as the weeks passed she realized that she didn’t have to stop loving Matt any more than Paul should. Matt would be with them both forever. And it was like the natural order of things that Paul should step in now. But there was no indication from him that he felt anything more than a special friendship. She had no doubt that Paul loved her, loved little Matt, but it didn’t appear to be the kind of love that could warm her on cold nights.
She’d called him several times since he’d returned to Grants Pass; polite and entertaining conversations about the baby, the town and his friends here, about her dad and brother, even sometimes about Matt.
“The baby’s gained a pound and a half already,” she told him. “He’s already changed so much.”
“Who does he look like?” Paul asked. “Is his hair still dark or does he have a patch of fire on his head, like his mom?”
“Still just a little Matt,” she said. “I want you to see him. Hold him.” Hold me!
“I’ll have to try to get down there.”
He hadn’t visited yet. And he never betrayed any longing. Not a whiff of desire came through those phone lines.
She felt like a fool for even wanting him. But there was no denying it—she missed him so much. And not the way a young widow misses having a man in her life. The way a woman longs for a man who stirs her, moves her.
When Mel walked Vanni out to the clinic’s waiting room, Vanni spied her younger brother’s girlfriend waiting there. “Brenda!” Vanni said, going to her, giving her a hug. “I guess if there are only appointments on Wednesdays, there’s a good chance you’ll run into all your friends here,” she said with a laugh.
“I guess.” Brenda shrugged, blushing a little.
“I have to rescue my dad before he runs into a messy diaper. He’s got the baby at Jack’s. I’ll see you later—probably tonight at dinner?”
“Sure,” Brenda said. “Later.”
Vanni blew out the door and Brenda sank into her chair. The waiting room had been the old house’s front room and was decorated exactly so. Heavy cream-colored velvet draperies covered the front windows. They were pulled back with sashes and always remained open. An ancient sofa and settee, upholstered in burgundy velvet, were flanked by two wing chairs with curved wooden legs. The fabric on the chairs was yellow brocade that had long ago lost its luster. A few Gisele chairs with cane seats were spotted around the room, which, itself, was rarely full. There was only Mel and Doc Mullins to see patients, so unless someone wandered in, the appointments were spaced comfortably apart.
Brenda had an elbow on her knee and her forehead rested in her hand. “Whew,” she said weakly. “Of course I’d have to run into Vanessa. Crap.”
Mel grabbed Brenda’s chart. She just chuckled and went to her, pulling her to her feet. “Don’t worry about that. Come on, let’s check you out.”
“But it’s Tommy’s sister! What if she asks me why I was here?”
“Brenda, Brenda, that’s not going to be a problem.” Mel pulled her along to the exam room. While Brenda stood by the door, Mel stripped off the disposable paper from the exam table and refreshed it. Then she handed Brenda a gown. Mel flipped open the chart and said, “So—you’re here about concern over heavy periods…”
“Yeah, but…”
“I know,” Mel said. “Except, they’re fine.”
“Fine,” Brenda said shyly. “I need birth control pills…” She looked down and Mel just lifted her chin with one finger.
“Sure. I know,” Mel said. “But if Vanessa ever asks you why you were here, you just say you were concerned about your periods and I checked you, told you everything was just fine. How’s that?”
“Really?”
“I don’t talk about patients’ business,” Mel said. “Put on the gown. We’ll have a checkup. We’ll talk about why you’re really here. And Brenda—everything is going to be fine.”
“My mom doesn’t know I’m doing this,” she said. “She thinks it’s my periods.”
“Okay,” Mel said, but she knew Sue Carpenter was pretty sharp. Chances were good she knew exactly what was going on. After all, Tommy and Brenda had been steadies since the start of school and there was no question they were real serious. “I’ll be back in five,” Mel said, leaving the room.
Few seventeen-year-old girls felt comfortable discussing birth control with even the closest of mothers. When Mel returned and Brenda was gowned and ready, she said, “I’ll need to update your pap and, if you don’t mind, I’d like to do a check on you for STDs to be sure there’s nothing we should treat. Should we talk about emergency birth control?”
“Huh?”
“Have you recently had unprotected intercourse?”
“No,” she said. “Thing is, Tommy won’t come near me without my own birth control, even though he has…you know…”
“Condoms,” Mel supplied.
“Yeah. He says that’s not good enough.”
“Well, God bless him,” Mel said. This darling girl, a gifted student who would very likely get lots of offers for full-ride scholarships, had been the victim of a sexual assault less than a year ago, before Tom had moved here. She’d gone to a beer party in the woods with a bunch of teenagers, intending to have one sneaky beer, and three months later, discovered she was pregnant without having the first idea how that could have happened. If that wasn’t bad enough, Brenda had had a raging case of Chlamydia, which may have contributed to a spontaneous miscarriage.
Mel performed her examination, did some tests, gave her a three-month supply of contraceptives and a prescription and said, “I want to commend you for taking care of your health, Brenda. I know it can be scary to ask for this kind of help when you’re young. But you’re wise to take precautions.”
“What if my mom asks you about this?”
“She probably won’t, but if she does, I’ll tell her that you’re doing just fine.”
“You think that’ll do it?”
“Oh, honey, I’ve gotten very, very good at not telling things. Ask Jack,” she added with a laugh. “You can start taking these right now, but they won’t be effective for two weeks. Try to remember to take them at the same time every day—like right before bed or as soon as you get up in the morning. That will increase the reliability.”
“He’s going away, you know,” Brenda said a little emotionally. “Right after graduation he goes into basic, then West Point.”
Mel put a hand against the girl’s soft, pretty hair. “First of all, you wouldn’t want any other kind of boyfriend—he’s an overachiever and will be a huge success. Cream of the crop. Second, just because you have pills doesn’t mean you have to do anything that you’re not ready for. With me?”
She nodded.
“He’ll be back for leave and vacations. There will be lots of letters between you—wonderful letters.”
She nodded again but said, “E-mails.”
“Just as good. These pills are for your health and safety, Brenda. You don’t have to send him off with something to remember. Don’t be pressured.”
“Oh, I’m not. I understand what you’re saying,” she said softly. “Tom would never pressure me. Besides, I love him.”
Mel smiled. “How nice for you. He’s a very special young man. And you, my dear, are a very special young woman. You’re completely in charge of your body—always remember that.”
Nikki Jorgensen pulled up in front of the Booth ranch and gave the horn a toot before getting out. When she let herself into the house, Vanni was sitting on the floor beside the baby. Little Matt was lying on a small baby quilt with toys he was entirely too young to enjoy spread around him.
“Hurry up,” Vanni said. “He’s smiling!”
Nikki threw her purse in a chair and knelt on the floor opposite Vanni. They were so unalike—Vanni being a statuesque redhead and Nikki small and dark, her black hair falling down her back almost to her waist in a straight, silky sheath. Vanni was bold; Nikki was quiet and hated confrontation. Nikki liked to say that while she was studying the latest hairstyles in high school, Vanni, the military brat, was learning to pack a house in six hours and navigate Customs in foreign countries.
They spent a few minutes making faces at the baby until Vanni finally said, “I can’t wait to tell Paul he’s smiling for real.”
And that alone plunged them into silence. “Have you heard from Paul?” Nikki finally asked in a gentle voice.
Vanni shook her head, looking away. “Well, I call him. A couple of times every week. But he’s only called here once.”
“Oh, Vanni,” Nikki said, sympathetic.
“Never mind. He’s probably relieved he doesn’t have any obligation to the Widow Rutledge anymore…”
“I’m sure that’s not it,” Nikki said, giving Vanni’s thick, red mane a stroke.
“A couple of months ago it never occurred to me I’d have feelings for him. I mean, these kind of feelings. I thought of him as my ballast, my rock. And then slowly, he started to mean more to me than that. Since he left…I miss him so much. And not just because he was a supportive friend.”
“Who more likely for you to be attracted to than someone who misses Matt as much as you do? Who loves little Mattie as much as Matt would himself? Besides, it’s not like you just met him—he’s been around since the day you met Matt! You know him better than anyone. You certainly don’t have to wonder what kind of man he is.”
“I’m just afraid…I’m not sure I’m ready to really let go of Matt.”
Nikki laughed. “Vanni, you don’t have to let go of Matt any more than Paul does. He’ll be part of you and Paul forever.”
Vanni gave her a thankful smile, lifting a tawny brow. “That’s what I’ve been thinking lately. It’s not like it has to be a choice, does it?”
“No way, babe.”
“So, how are things with you and Craig?”
Nikki’s smile vanished. “The same. Not good. I gave him an ultimatum. Commitment or we’re over. He just keeps saying he needs time. But how much time? It’s been five years. He knows I want a family, and my clock isn’t standing still.”
Vanni shook her head, doubtful. “He’ll never give you up,” Vanni said, but truthfully, she feared Nikki would never leave him even if he didn’t give her a tenth of what she needed.
Nikki lifted her chin. “Oh, yeah? You a betting woman?”
“Nikki, do you mean it this time? Really?”
Nikki touched the baby’s foot. “I’m not going through life without at least a shot at this,” she said. “I’m selfish. I want it all. And things have been nonnegotiable with Craig on all of it.”
Paul had been back in Grants Pass for just over six weeks. He’d had that evening with Terri and had promised her he’d be in touch. When she came to him at work and asked if he could sneak away for a conversation, he figured it was about the fact that he hadn’t called as he’d promised.
But no.
He folded his long legs up into her little Toyota parked in front of his office and said, “What’s up?” Through some nervous tears, she explained that she was pregnant and hadn’t been with anyone but him.
“Pregnant?” he repeated stunned. “Pregnant?”
“Yeah,” she said. “It happened that night after you got back to town. You remember. It was a pretty intense night. You can’t have forgotten.”
“How in the world did that happen? You said you were on the pill. I wore a condom.”
“I don’t know,” she said, sniffing. “It’s probably my fault. I’m sorry.”
“Your fault?” he asked. “How?”
“I haven’t had a boyfriend in so long, I got a little sloppy with the pills, missing them sometimes. Your call—it came as a surprise. I hadn’t heard from you in such a long time and I couldn’t pass up seeing you. But you had the condom and I was sure we’d be okay…I don’t know what went wrong. It must have been me missing pills, you having a faulty condom…I can’t think of any other explanation…”
“Aw, man,” he said. He took a deep breath. “Okay,” he said, getting a grip on his panic. “Okay, tell me what you need,” he said, taking her hand and holding it in both of his.
“Any possibility marriage might come to mind?”
He didn’t even have to think about it. There was someone else; there’d been someone else for a long, long time. “God, Terri, we can’t get married. What did you call us—friends with benefits? We’re consenting adults who like and respect each other and that’s a lot, but at the same time, not enough. You’re important to me, but we don’t have the kind of relationship that would get us married. Keep us married.”
“That’s a little beside the point right now,” she said.
“We don’t really know each other. Not really.”
“We know each other well enough that I’m pregnant.”
“I take this to mean you’ve decided you want to have the baby?”
“I’m almost thirty,” she said, bristling. “I’m not getting rid of it.”
“Okay, okay, good,” Paul said, relieved in spite of common sense telling him this could be taken care of; it could disappear. He did not want to be in this position, but he didn’t want this baby erased, either. “I can help financially. I can do my best to support you emotionally. I swear, I’ll stand by you. But, Terri, anything more than that would be a mistake for both of us.”
“Why?” she asked, tears springing to her eyes.
He put an arm around her and held her against his shoulder as much as he could, given the tight space in her car. “Lots of reasons, starting with, before anything happened between us, we had a conversation about us—neither of us was looking for anything serious. We’ve been together, what? Three times in a year? Four? God, I’m sorry, Terri, but the night this happened, that’s the closest we’ve ever been, and that happened because I was messed up and you were sweet enough to give me an ear. Honey, we’re just not in love.”
“How do you know I’m not?” she asked.
“We’ve spoken once in the last six months. If you had those kind of feelings, I never suspected.” He tightened his arm around her. “Terri, you’re so special and wonderful. But here we are, two people who can go six months without talking, without seeing each other.” He shook his head. “I knew that night was a mistake. I went too deep into my feelings and you got too attached. But it’s just not the real thing. It was my crisis, your compassion that got us where we are today. Marrying you now would only get in the way of you finding what you really need. And believe me, you don’t need me.”
“What am I going to do?”
Selfishly he thought, what am I going to do? “Whatever you want to do, I’ll help in every way I can. I’m sorry, but you deserve a husband who loves you as much as you love him.”
“But I’m having your baby!” she said desperately.
“I’ll do whatever I can, Terri, except marriage. It wouldn’t last. It could make us enemies and we have to do better than that.”
“Would I be such a terrible choice for a wife?” she asked pitifully.
There was absolutely nothing wrong with Terri, nothing. The problem was with him. He found Terri attractive, desirable, funny and sweet, which was how he’d ended up with her at the time Vanni was married to his best friend. He’d have given anything to fall in love. When he thought of Vanni his blood pressure shot up and his heart pounded. When he thought of Terri, a smile came to his lips because she was so cute, because she made him laugh and because she was just plain good people. When he thought of Vanni, he was filled with fear and lust and ridiculous hope. He liked Terri; he was totally crazy for Vanni and had been for years. He didn’t know why. He suspected an evil curse made him want something he could never have.
It wasn’t fair to Terri; it wasn’t right, nor was it the easy way. But it was what it was. His testosterone kicked up when he was with Terri because she was seductive, pretty, available and he was alone. He was just a man; sometimes it was nice to have a woman in his life. Calling Terri after Matt’s death when the only woman in the world he wanted to be with was Vanni had been a critical mistake. But he’d been so desperate for understanding, for friendship.
“I think you’ll make someone a wonderful wife, when you find the right man,” he said. “I’m not the guy, but I’ll do whatever I have to do to be a part of this, Terri. I won’t run, I won’t hide. And God, Terri, I’m sorry. I sure didn’t mean for this to happen.”
Joe Benson had been designing houses for Haggerty Construction for about ten years, and he was a little worried about his friend Paul. He’d seen Paul on a couple of job sites and they talked about getting together for a beer, but Paul had been evasive, distracted, morose and probably depressed. Small wonder—Paul had been through a lot with Matt’s death. Joe suspected a pressure cooker. So he did what a good friend does—he pushed. It was time for Paul to let it out, so he could move on.
Joe went to a small, dark, quiet bar and waited for Paul to meet him. Joe had picked the place—somewhere a man could talk privately about the stuff that was eating his gut. He looked at his watch several times, wondering if Paul would be a no-show. Joe had a beer and was thinking about either trying the cell phone or just leaving when Paul finally lumbered in, head down, looking like he’d looked for too long now. The man was hurting all over.
“Beer,” he said to the bartender before he even said hello. “Heineken.”
“So,” Joe said, picking up his almost empty beer. “You’re in lousy shape.”
Paul was quiet for a moment, waiting for his beer. When it came he took a long drink before he said, “Lousy.”
“Listen, I thought maybe if we had a beer together, talked about it…”
“Believe me, you don’t want to talk about this, Joe.”
“Business okay?” Joe asked, nibbling around the edges of this situation. Paul’s family business was a good little company that did quality construction. While Matt might’ve been Paul’s best friend since they were kids, Joe had been closest to him since Desert Storm when they joined the same Marine reserve unit. They’d worked together since then and had gone back to Iraq together.
“Business is fine,” Paul said. “That’s not the problem.”
Joe clamped a strong hand on Paul’s shoulder. “You’re not yourself lately, bud. You’re having trouble moving on after Matt…He wouldn’t want this, you know.”
“I know…”
“Maybe it’s more than Matt,” Joe said. “I get the feeling something’s really eating you.”
“Yeah?” he asked with a somber laugh. “Jesus, you’re psychic.” He took another long drink of his beer.
“Any chance you could just go ahead and get it out where we can look at it? Because if you’re gonna drink that fast, you’ll leave me in your dust pretty quick.”
Paul shook his head. “I fucked things up pretty bad, Joe. I got myself in a mess I’m not gonna get out of.”
Joe stared at him a long moment. Then he banged his glass on the bar and when the bartender came over he said, “Gimme another one of these, huh?” While he was waiting for a new brew, he turned to Paul and asked, “You have any idea how confusing you are right now?”
“Yeah. You should find more stable people to drink with.”
“Well, until I do…”
It was a moment before Paul finally said, “I got someone pregnant…”
“No,” Joe said, stunned. “No, you’re too smart for that…”
Paul laughed. “I guess I’m not. Maybe I should sue Trojan, huh?”
“Oh, Jesus,” Joe said. “Oh God. Someone special? I hope?”
“Nice girl,” Paul said with a shrug. “But it wasn’t…Aw, man. It was…We aren’t…Shit. It was just one of those things. You know? I’ve known her about a year, but I’ve only been out with her a few times. We really didn’t have anything going on except…”
“Oh, Jesus,” Joe said again.
Paul turned toward Joe. “While I was in Virgin River last fall I didn’t talk to her once during that time—that’s how casual. I came back here all the time to check on the company, my dad and brothers, but I never even called her. And she didn’t call me. But…”
“But…?”
“But I came home with my gut in a knot after everything that had happened in Virgin River and I called her. On instinct, probably. And guess what happened?”
“Oh damn,” Joe said. “What are you gonna do?”
“What are my choices?” Paul asked, hanging his head. “I’ll take care of her, of my kid. What else do you do?” He shook his head sadly. “I want it,” he said. “I know—it’s stupid. I should probably try something, like buying her off or something. Get her to make it go away—but if I have a kid coming, I want a part of that. I’m nuts, right?”
Joe smiled patiently. “I don’t know. Maybe you’re not nuts about that—but what about the mother? Is she someone you’re going to be able to work with on that?”
“No telling,” he said. “She wants to get married. I can’t do that. I’m only planning to do this marrying thing once, and then it’s going to be to a girl I love so much I can’t stop myself. If I married this woman, it would really fuck her up, worse than she already is. I can’t fake it—not something like this. I’d be the worst husband. You don’t marry someone that fast.”
“It’s a big, permanent step,” Joe said. “Only you know if you can make something like that work. If you can’t, you do the next best thing,” Joe said. “Man up. Take care of her.”
“It’s just that I slept with her when I love someone else. Why the hell did I do that? What kind of sorry bastard does that? What was I thinking?”
At this point in the conversation Joe was completely lost. Paul loved someone? It wasn’t as though men got together and talked about women they had crushes on—they just didn’t. They rarely said how they felt, period. He’d known Paul a long time and there’d been very few women. He was the quiet one; he kept back. Even when they were abroad together, at war, with a lot of tension to unload, Paul never hustled the women.
The bartender delivered Paul another beer, from which he took a deep drink.
“Love someone else?” Joe repeated.
“I’m such a screwup…”
“You love someone?”
“It’s wrong, that’s all. I had no business…”
“Paul. You love someone?”
“Yeah. I was a real horseshit best friend for years. Vanni. I just couldn’t help it. I didn’t want it to be that way, but—”
Joe drank a big gulp. He was prepared to help Paul through just about anything, but he never saw this coming. And why hadn’t he? Probably because he’d have done for Paul what Paul did for Matt—stay with the widow through everything. “Whoa,” he finally said. “Oh, shit.”
“Oh, shit,” Paul echoed.
“Vanni?”
Paul nodded grimly. “You wanna try to imagine how guilty I feel about that? I tried like hell to talk myself out of it. Sometimes I got damn close. I stayed away from them, you know? Because I could talk to Matt just fine, but if I saw Vanni, my heart wanted to explode…Aw God.” He put his head in his hand. “And now I’ve got someone else pregnant. Think I could’ve messed things up any worse?”
Joe shook his head, but he was thinking—yeah. You could’ve been the dead guy. “You sure this baby is yours?” Joe asked. “Maybe it’s not yours.”
“I thought about that,” he said. “Then I decided that was probably wishful thinking on my part. She said there hadn’t been a guy in a long time, which is why she got lazy on the pills. And what did I have? Some poor old condom in the wallet that thought it was never gonna get out of that package. I probably wore a damn hole in it just getting in and out of the truck. Nah, it’s mine.”
“But you’re gonna find out for sure before you set up the college fund, right?”
“Yeah. Sure. Right now, though, I don’t want to push on her too hard. She’s a wreck—a crying, miserable wreck. If she gets the idea I’m not going to step up—who knows what she might do. I don’t want her to get an abortion just out of fear that I won’t be responsible. I’m just going with the assumption it’s mine, since it most likely is. We’ll sort out the details later.”
“What are you gonna do about Vanni?”
“Hell, what can I do? Vanni’s in a lot of pain right now. You think I could help that pain go away by telling her I’ve loved her since the first second I saw her, but I went ahead and got some other woman I barely know knocked up?”
Joe smiled in spite of himself. “We might have to work on your delivery a little bit there, bud. Paul, keep your head here—it’s not like you cheated on Vanni. Huh?”
“Why do I feel like I did?”
“You’ve got your feelings all mixed up in guilt and regret, that’s all. You have to let yourself off the hook about Matt, for one thing. The way you feel about Vanni—it never messed with their marriage or your friendship.”
He slowly turned his eyes toward Joe. “Even though I don’t stand a chance with Vanni, I have to come clean about how I feel. It’s still too soon after Matt. You gotta believe me, I never wanted anything bad to happen to Matt.”
Joe gripped Paul’s biceps. “Of course you didn’t. But this business with Vanni? You owe it to yourself to know where you stand before you borrow all this trouble.”
“Yeah,” he said, hanging his head. “I’m sure she’ll just try to let me down as easy as she can…”
“Then again, you never know,” Joe said with a shrug. “Maybe it’ll go your way for once. In which case, right after she says, ‘I love you, too,’ you’re gonna have to say, ‘I’m going to be a father pretty soon.’ Whew.” Joe gave a short, unhappy laugh. “That’s gonna bite. I think, my friend, your ass is grass. Either way.”
Paul leveled his gaze at Joe. Then he said, “We’re gonna need a lot more beer.”
Two
Mike Valenzuela was the Virgin River town constable and, as such, he spent a great deal of time driving the back mountain roads surrounding the town, taking in the lay of the land. It was important to know the people, the structures, the vehicles. There was no better way to identify something unusual. He got out of his Jeep and walked among trees and shrubs for a while, staying mostly out of sight. He came upon a half-buried semi-trailer and metal storage unit that he’d seen before and had been keeping an eye on. There was a generator between the building and the trailer and camouflage netting stretched over the tops, strung between the trees, which identified it as a cannabis operation, but he’d never seen any activity around it. Mike kept his distance—they were sometimes booby trapped.
This time he happened to see a vehicle departing, and he recognized it—a Ford truck, dark, tinted windows. The driver was known around these parts as an illegal grower.
This guy had been seen around here a few times in the past couple of years. The bills in his pocket were large and carried the stink of freshly cut marijuana. When Mel had barely arrived in Virgin River, he had hijacked her out to a trailer, to an illegal grow like this one, to deliver a woman in childbirth, in trouble. Not so long after, Jack’s cook Preacher’s wife, Paige, had been abducted by her abusive ex-husband, and this guy had stepped in, whopped him over the head and facilitated Paige’s rescue. But most significant, Mike had seen him just a few months ago meeting a Sheriff’s Department detective in an isolated location. It had been a sheer accident that Mike had seen them. But the two men had probably handpicked the place—Virgin River had a reputation as dope free—there weren’t any illegal growers nearby that Mike or anyone else knew about. It was a good place for a secret meeting.
Mike decided to check out the trailer. The guy had a relationship of some kind with a cop and Mike wanted to see what he had going on in there. From twenty feet away he could see that the padlock on the semi’s door was left unhitched. Sloppy, was his very first thought. He stepped slowly, carefully, listening for a click, a trip wire. One rule of thumb—growers want to protect their crop from other growers, but really do not want to hurt or kill anyone from law enforcement, not even lowly, nonofficially recognized town constables like Mike. It brings a barrage of cops down on the area, busting up everything that might have otherwise been missed or ignored.
But Mike saw nothing; no trip wires, so he slipped off the padlock and slowly opened the door. The place was almost empty. There were a few medium-size plants right inside the door, so few he could grow that number legally with a prescription and permit. But, all the equipment was there for a large grow—pots, irrigation tubing, lights, fertilizer. The guy obviously bought what a grower would need for a large operation, but there was no real crop. So, he looked like a grower, but he wasn’t growing.
Jesus, Mike thought. The guy was a narc. He was either undercover police or a confidential informant. He’d set up something to look like an illegal grow, but it was a ruse. There was only one reason to establish oneself as a grower when you weren’t—to search for other growers.
It took a long time to form even a nodding acquaintance with other growers, and even when they got friendly, they kept a safe distance unless they were doing business together, and they never showed each other their hidden grows. They spotted each other at the hardware store, the nursery, buying supplies, carrying around bags of chicken shit in the back of pickups. But they didn’t have dinner parties with each other at their grow-sites.
The other reality was that local law enforcement couldn’t keep up with the illegal crops; their resources and manpower were limited. They let a lot of cases slide when they were too small to make an impact, or to get a conviction. When a call came in about a hairdresser who was driving a Hummer and had a generator behind the house and a couple of windows blacked out, it was pretty obvious what she was doing, but the cops had bigger fish to fry—they were looking for over a thousand plants to press for a conviction or ten thousand plants to drive it into a federal crime, otherwise it was a waste of their precious time.
So—this guy, planting himself in the area, making himself known as an illegal grower…He must be looking for something. Mike slowly exited the trailer and once outside, looked around cautiously. Then he looked at the padlock. It had obviously been an oversight on the part of his buddy, the guy in the truck. If he didn’t think it would compromise his operation, he’d find him, tell him he understood what was going on and to be more careful. Instead he removed the lock and pocketed it. He’d think about all this for a while before taking any action.
Paul sat in a small Italian restaurant in Grants Pass, staring into a cup of coffee, waiting. He looked up to see Terri enter the restaurant and he frowned slightly; there was no reason not to be attracted to her. She was a beautiful, tenderhearted girl. She had a very attractive figure that would soon blossom with motherhood.
When they connected eyes, he smiled and began to rise. Yes, she was a lovely girl, but she just didn’t do to his blood pressure what Vanni did to him. The chemistry between them was nice, but it wasn’t explosive.
He held a chair out for her to sit down. “Everything all right, Paul?” she asked a bit nervously.
“Sure,” he said. “Fine. We haven’t talked since last week. I apologize for that—I meant to get in touch sooner.”
“That’s all right. What’s up?”
“I thought we should have a conversation. I think the shock and tears kept us from getting anything resolved the last time we saw each other.” He reached across the table and gave her hand a pat. “I don’t know how we could have avoided that.”
“Resolved?” she echoed.
“You haven’t really explained what you think I can do for you right now.”
“Well,” she said, “I just found out myself, so I haven’t given it much thought, either. I mean, the best-case scenario didn’t work out for me.”
He held his tongue, not willing to go there again, but he looked down uncomfortably. Even if things never worked out with Vanni, which was what he feared, he didn’t have the kind of passion for Terri that was required to take on marriage—it would rob them both. Yet, he was going to end up committing most of a lifetime to her because of the child. “How about insurance benefits? Financial obligations?”
“I have a good job, Paul. My benefits will see me through the pregnancy, though I haven’t told my boss yet. I don’t think that’s the kind of help I’m going to need.”
“How are you feeling?” he asked.
“Good,” she said. “Excellent.”
A waiter came to their table, offered menus, took drink orders, disappeared again.
“Go ahead,” Paul said. “Take a look, see what you feel like for lunch.”
“I’m, ah, not real hungry right now,” she said.
“Well, you have to eat, Terri. You’re supporting more than one body. One of them’s growing.” And then he smiled kindly. “I know—I’m a little nervous, too. I think we’re going to have to try to get past the jitters if we’re going to make this work.”
“Sure,” she said, looking into her menu. She lifted it up so he couldn’t see her face and he noticed a movement behind the menu that suggested she wiped her eyes before lowering it again. “I’ll just have a salad,” she said. And then the waiter was beside them with water and iced tea.
“I’ll have lasagna,” Paul said. “And bread. And bring the lady a minestrone soup with her salad.” When the waiter had gone he said, “Don’t worry, Terri. This will get easier.”
“I don’t know about that.”
“Have you told your parents yet?”
She looked down. “I told my mom. She and my dad are divorced and I haven’t had that much contact with him.” She looked up shyly. “She’d like to meet you sometime.”
“Sure,” he said, sitting back in his chair. “When we’ve had some time to sort things out a little, huh?” And she nodded. This woman was a far cry from the little pistol he’d met a year ago. She was subdued, self-conscious and submissive today. He didn’t know her well but, at the moment, it was as if he didn’t know her at all. As much as he wished this wasn’t happening, he couldn’t help but see it was harder for her than him. She’d been so good to him; he hated that he’d hurt her.
“Have you told your parents?”
He laughed a little. “No,” he said. “I think I might hold off on that a while.”
“Will they freak out?”
He chuckled again. “Oh, I think it’ll surprise them. In fact, maybe I should brush up on my CPR.”
“Ew,” she said, a hand going to her tummy.
Paul immediately reached for her other hand and held it supportively. “Terri, you don’t have to worry that they’d be a problem for you. My parents are real decent people. Even if they were thoroughly disappointed in me, they’d treat you and your child with kindness. Respect.”
“Our child,” she said softly after a moment of silence.
He was quiet, not responding to that. He might get there eventually, but he wasn’t there yet. He kept thinking of this as her baby or his baby but not their baby. “You’ve seen the doctor?”
“Just once, to confirm what I already knew. I’m not very far along, you know.”
He knew exactly how far along. Almost to the minute. “And you’re due…?”
“November. The twentieth.”
“Are you happy with the doctor?”
“She’s nice.” Terri shrugged. “She was recommended…”
To Paul’s great relief, the food arrived. He waited for Terri to take a couple of bites before he started on his; he found himself watching her to be sure she was eating. They sat in uncomfortable silence. After a few minutes, he pulled a card out of his shirt pocket, turned it over to be sure it was the right one and slid it across the table. “My home, work and cell phone numbers,” he said. “I have your home phone, but I don’t know where you work. Secretary, isn’t it?”
She nodded. “Legal secretary. I’m thinking about applying for a paralegal course.”
“Hey, that’s great,” he said.
“Well, I was thinking about that, before…”
He liked that she had goals for herself, something to look forward to, since he wasn’t giving her much in that department. And she would improve her earning potential, he thought. Because she was going to be a working mother. Or…Maybe she shouldn’t have to work. His head started to spin. “Listen, it’s hard to make long-term plans when you have a short-term complications, but if that’s something you really want to do, don’t give up on the idea. Not yet. Things always seem to work out the way they’re supposed to. You’d be surprised.”
“Right now it’s a little hard to figure things out. Things like that…”
“What other things have you concerned?” he asked.
“Well, I live in a one bedroom, upstairs apartment. It’s a nice apartment—you’ve been there. Single women like the upstairs—it’s safer. Fewer means of entry, for one thing. But single mothers probably have a hard time with things like that. Babies come with a lot of gear. You know?”
Stroller, diaper bag, car seat, swing, Port-a-Crib, etcetera. He’d spent years watching his brothers tromp into their parents’ house, hauling all the baby stuff. The stairs to her apartment were steep. She should live in a house, he thought. In a safe neighborhood. He thought he felt a migraine coming on. The first one of his life.
“I don’t have any savings,” she said. “I make a decent living, not a great one. My office has paid leave for six weeks and optional time off without pay up to six months. I already feel like six weeks isn’t enough. Not for a new baby. And then—what about child care? I haven’t even felt this baby move—and I’m already worried about leaving him with some stranger. Or her. Him or her.”
Paul smiled kindly. “Try not to worry about things like that yet, Terri. You’re not going to have to make those decisions alone. Don’t let it keep you up nights. I’ll be pitching in.”
“Pitching in? How?”
“Well, financially and, hopefully, with child care.”
“Helping me pay for childcare? Is that it?”
“And with actual child care,” he said, smiling.
“You thinking of sticking your mother with a baby?”
“I’m pretty good with babies,” he said. “I was thinking of having my time with him. Or her.”
“Oh,” she said. “Thanks. That’s nice of you.”
Nice of me, he thought shamefully. She was talking like she expected to go it alone if he wouldn’t marry her, and that almost made his cheeks flame. He had at least as much responsibility here as she did. She might’ve been lazy about those pills, but he’d used a condom he’d been carrying around for months, rubbing it thinner every time he slid into a chair. “I told you—you’re not in this all alone. Can you think of anything I can do to help right now?”
“To tell the truth, just having you show a little interest helps a lot. Moral support, you know.” And then for the first time since they sat down, she smiled.
“Ah,” he said. “There it is. I know you don’t think you have that much to smile about right now, especially where I’m concerned. I’ll do whatever I can. It’ll help if you tell me what you need.”
“Right now? I want my baby to have a father. A good father. I just need someone to care.”
“I care about what’s happening with you and the baby. I’m kind of clumsy with words, Terri. I might’ve been a little too shocked to give you the kind of comfort you needed when I first found out, I’m sorry about that. Here’s how I feel—I think it would be a mistake for us to try to make a marriage out of a very nice friendship, but if I’m having a child, I’m committed to the child. For life. I’ll do my part because I want to. You can rest easy about that.”
“How will your parents feel about that?” she asked.
“They’ll feel the same way,” he said. “Terri—I’m thirty-six. I’m past asking my parents for approval. What we’re going to have to do here is find a way to work together.” He swallowed. “We have to put the needs of the child first.”
She sighed. “God,” she said, tears sparkling in her eyes. “I never expected you to act like this. I thought you’d take off or deny it. But you’re a good man, Paul. A real good man…”
If I was worth a damn, you wouldn’t be unmarried and pregnant, he thought. “I’m sure I’ll fall short a lot, but I’m going to do my best.”
“Thanks,” she said. “You have no idea how much that means to me.”
When their lunch was over, he walked her to her car and she hugged him. “Just having you nearby—that’s very reassuring,” she said. “I thought I’d never hear from you again. Sometimes this feels so lonely.” Then she looked up at him and said, “Although I might not have a husband—I feel like I have a partner. Thank you, Paul.”
“Um…Yeah. We’ll work together on this, make sure everything is covered…”
Her arms still around his waist, looking up at him with those large, sad eyes, she said, “Maybe I could make you dinner this weekend…”
He was shaking his head before she even finished. “We have to keep this in perspective, Terri. We’re going to be parents together, I guess. But that relationship we had, such as it was? We’re not going to have that relationship anymore. We can’t. It’ll only complicate a situation that’s already complicated.”
Her face fell. She looked down. “I see,” she said.
He put a finger under her chin, lifting her face so their eyes met. “We’re in this together, but we’re not a couple. We never were.”
She took a breath. “If I’m going to carry the baby, it would be nice if I also had some affection.”
He put a small kiss on her brow. “You have that. As the mother of my child.”
“You’re absolutely sure nothing could grow between us? As we have this baby together?”
“Terri, my intention is to be good to you and be a good father. But if there was something more between us, we both would have known before this, before now. I think what we can be is good friends, good parents. Let’s shoot for that, huh?”
“Sure,” she said with a sad smile. “Sure. That’s something, I guess.”
“I’m sorry, Terri. That’s all I have. And until that night I called, I think that’s all you had. Think about it—we never even had phone calls. We just weren’t that connected. Let’s move ahead. Let’s see if we can make this work for the child.”
“Then I guess it’ll have to be enough,” she said, pulling her arms from around him.
For the first time he thought, what if she takes this child away from me? What if she finds someone else, some guy, willing to be that husband and father? And it puts me in the way? I have to know more about this kind of thing, he thought. I have to know what I can do about this.
“That’s all I can ask.” He gave her shoulders a brief, friendly squeeze. “I’ll be in touch.”
Vanessa had almost every piece of clothing she owned spread out across the bed. She was trying to pack for a trip to Grants Pass to visit Matt’s parents and she wanted to look her best. She had asked her mother-in-law, Carol, if she would please invite Paul to dinner. She hadn’t seen him since the baby was born and she’d so like to get his attention. But when Vanessa looked in the mirror, she saw a waist that was still too thick, breasts too heavy for her tops and thighs that felt like tree trunks. She couldn’t get into any of her old clothes and she’d be damned if she’d wear maternity clothes. The baby was almost two months old.
Vanessa had always been sure of herself. Her mother had called her feisty, her father proclaimed her a handful, her best friends from the airline told her she was a fearless extrovert and counted on her to handle difficult situations with pilots or passengers. Matt had called her his fiery-haired vixen.
Around Carol, however, she lacked confidence. Carol was chic, perfect, successful and took self-assurance to the next level. Vanessa and Carol seemed to disagree on everything, and Carol managed to get her way at all times by wearing the most engaging smile. Carol Rutledge was possibly the only woman alive Vanessa had trouble standing up to. On top of that, Vanni felt she looked fat.
Frustrated, she pulled on a pair of jeans with an elastic waistband and her riding boots. She found her father in the great room. “Hey, Dad. Matt’s asleep and should be down for another hour or two. Can you listen for him while I take a short ride? I won’t be long.”
“Take your time,” he said, barely looking up from his book.
“Thanks.”
At least she was finally cleared to ride again. The exercise and glorious spring weather was good for her spirits. When she got to the stable, she noticed the door to the tack room was ajar. She heard something, hopefully not a mouse. She pushed the door open a bit further and saw her younger brother Tom sitting on the bench, paging through a book. “Whatcha doin?” she asked.
He jumped in surprise, slammed the book shut and hid it behind his back. His cheeks brightened and he looked like he wanted to die. She walked into the room and reached behind him, grabbing onto the book. She withdrew The Joy Of Sex.
“Is this mine?” she asked.
He shrugged.
“This is mine!” she said.
“Come on, Vanni. Be a sport, huh?”
“Where did you find this?”
“I had to clean out the garage for Dad,” he said.
“But this must have been packed up in my stuff,” she said. “You’re not, you know—using this to—You know.”
“What?” he asked, brows drawn together in confusion. Then he caught her meaning; she thought he was using the pictures to beat off. “No! Jesus, no!”
“Well, then what?”
He shrugged. “I was just a little curious. That’s all.”
She flipped through the pages. It was an old book, but quite graphic. “You and Brenda aren’t having enough joy?”
He frowned. Sometimes he hated his sister, and this was one of them. “No, if you must know.”
“She suggest a little homework?”
“Vanni, we haven’t done it, all right?”
Her head snapped up in surprise. She smiled wryly and lifted a brow. “Really?” she said, grinning.
He hated her. “Really,” he said.
“You’re a virgin?”
“Vanni, so help me—”
He was. He’d made it all the way to eighteen with his virginity intact? Whew, she thought. Either he wasn’t as motivated as most boys his age or he was awfully well mannered. “Hmm,” she said. And then it hit her—she and Dad were going to Grants Pass with the baby for the weekend. “Oh-oh.”
“Don’t start,” he warned her.
“You have a date this weekend, Tommy?” she asked him.
He put his head in his hands. “God, why couldn’t I have had a big brother…”
“I presume you’re totally covered?” she asked him.
“I swear, if you say anything to anyone, especially—”
“Are you?” she asked a little hotly.
He looked up at her, almost bored. “Ask yourself—does the general’s boy have the facts about sexual responsibility? Does he have a drawer full of rubbers and all the birth control information available to the entire U.S. Army? Does the kid know anything about STDs? You wanna give me a frickin’ break here? Who is your father, huh?”
“Yeah, okay,” she said. Dad probably started talking to him about this stuff when he was three. “I’ll give you that one.” She flipped through the pages. She held the book open, turned it around toward him and gave it back to him. “Read this page. Memorize this page. I’m going for a short ride.”
She saddled up and took one of the horses out on the trail along the river, thinking about how long it had been since she’d even anticipated making love. Matt left almost a year ago and didn’t come back. She envied Tom, and she was frankly very surprised he was still untouched.
Well, if they were going to do it, she hoped her little brother would do a decent job of it. Vanessa’s first time had been a waste of time. But hopefully Brenda would fare better—the page she had shown Tom was all about the clitoris.
Carol and Lance Rutledge had been down to Virgin River twice in the past few months. First, last December to bury their son on the general’s land, an event that was understandably painful. If it wasn’t bad enough that they’d lost their only son, they had nothing to say about where he’d be laid to rest, and Carol had been stiff and angry about the decisions she felt Vanessa had made alone.
The Rutledges came back right after the baby was born to see their first and what would be their only grandchild. Those visits had been tense until Carol softened toward the baby. Lance, however, was very like his son had been—laid-back, cuddly, humorous. Carol was cool; a well-decked and still sexy grandmother who said, “Ew,” when the baby spit up on her blouse.
Now that the baby was almost two months, Vanni and Walt were going to them for the first time. Vanessa had always hated these visits, even when Matt was alive. Lance Rutledge was so easy to get along with, so unflappable. And, as men will do, Matt and his dad had hung together during visits and either ignored or were oblivious to any discord between the women.
Vanni wasn’t the only one who had trouble getting along with Carol. She and Matt had laughed about how Carol blamed Paul for talking Matt into quitting college to join the Marine Corps. Paul had gone back to college and received his degree in engineering while Matt stayed with the Corps.
The Rutledge home was very large for only two people, up on a hill with a long driveway. Lance was an endodontist and Carol had been in real estate for many years and was a real mover and shaker in the business world of Grants Pass. They were certainly successful enough to retire, but they both enjoyed their work, social lives and vacations.
Carol Rutledge didn’t look her age. She was fit and trim with thick auburn hair that she kept short, manicured nails, a drop-dead wardrobe and, though this was supposed to be a secret, a woman who had benefited from a face-lift that made her look more a youthful fifty than sixty. Before pregnancy and childbirth, Vanni felt equal by comparison, but at the moment, breasts straining at her shirts, hips too wide and waistless, nails trimmed down short, she felt dowdy and insecure.
When they arrived, Lance grabbed the baby immediately, thrilled to be nuzzling him, while Carol stood beside him, giving the baby a few pats. Vanni wandered into the house, so large and richly decorated. Eventually she moved down the hall to peek into the room Matt had used as a teenager, looking at all the memorabilia. It was everywhere—pictures, letters from high school teams, trophies, posters, airplane models. It hadn’t been preserved, but restored, like a shrine. A small framed picture of the baby now rested on the bureau, as though Matt would be back directly. It almost made Vanni cry.
That evening, as Lance turned steaks on the grill with Walt and the women keeping him company on the deck, Vanni learned that Carol had at least one surprise in store for her. “I’ve invited another guest to dinner tomorrow night, Vanessa,” Carol told her. “A friend of ours—a young doctor I met through work. His name is Cameron and he’s just darling.”
“Carol, you’re not fixing me up, are you?”
“Of course not! But I didn’t think it was too soon for you to meet someone. If you two get along, maybe sometime in the future…”
“She’s fixing you up,” Lance said.
“That’s what it sounds like,” Walt agreed.
“Oh God,” Vanni said miserably.
“Stop it, all of you. We’ve had Cameron to dinner before, and he’s charming. I happen to like him.”
“But, Carol, Paul will be here, too.”
“I know, honey,” she said brightly. “I’m sure they’ll hit it off. I know if Matt were with us, he’d like Cameron.”
How could she do that so well? Make Vanni feel guilty, as though Matt would want her to meet this Cameron? Vanni’s pants immediately began to feel more snug, her belly rounder, her breasts bulkier and nails choppier. Not only would she look plump and awkward to Paul, but to two men. She tried to be ready for anything with Carol, but hadn’t counted on something like this, a new widow with a baby just two months old—and two bachelors at dinner. One of whom she had been missing. Missing so much.
“We should talk about what you’re going to do next, Vanessa,” Carol said smoothly. “With just the smallest interest in real estate, I could take you into our firm. Your hours would be flexible for the baby, the market is good right now and it would set you up for a successful career.” She beamed. “I could work alongside you until you get your sea legs.”
Vanni wanted to die. She’d rather have an ax firmly planted in her skull than work with Carol every day. “I’m…ah…afraid real estate doesn’t appeal to me much.”
“You can’t be thinking of flying again,” Carol said. “Really, I could help. At least give it a fair chance.”
“Thank you,” she said. “It’s too soon for me to think about that now. I’ll let you know.”
“Good girl,” Carol said, patting her knee and smiling.
Vanni was a long way from having Carol figured out. She seemed to be trying to be helpful, but she plowed through every polite, “No, thank you,” and did as she pleased. She’d made Vanni’s wedding a nightmare with her interference. Vanni’s mother had been deceased only a short time, and Carol had wanted to step in and help in that role, but she took over. Carol had not liked the colors of the bridesmaids’ dresses; she preferred coral to pale green. She thought that by getting a consensus from the bridesmaids and paying for the ones she liked, the problem was solved, but Vanni had hated them. When she had appealed to Matt, he had said, “What’s wrong with orange, or whatever that is? They look nice and the girls like them.”
“They clash with my hair!” Vanni had tearfully argued. “There will be pictures…”
“Look,” said Matt, the peacekeeper. “She doesn’t have a daughter—why not let her have her way about some small things?” So Vanni let it go and Carol changed the flowers from Vanni’s favorites of calla lilies to white roses and baby’s breath. She added a hundred names to her guest list and presided over the parties and wedding reception as though it was her wedding, cracking the whip over caterers and florists like an Egyptian pharaoh. “Try not to worry about little things,” Matt had said. “Really, she’s only trying to help. She just wants everything to be beautiful for us.” It left Vanni in the uncomfortable position of fighting it out with her future husband or future mother-in-law.
As for Saturday night’s dinner, Cameron arrived a good half hour before Paul for drinks. Vanni suspected Carol had told Cameron six and Paul six-thirty, and because of that, Vanni didn’t give Carol any credit at all for coming up with a perfectly nice man in her attempted setup.
But the man who stood before Vanessa had absolutely no excuse for being thirty-five and single. He was so good-looking, he could make a woman pee her pants. He was six feet with dark hair, heavy, expressive brows, sexy dimples in his cheeks when he smiled and teeth so white that they almost made you gasp when he grinned. And he grinned hugely when he met Vanessa.
“You’re a doctor, I’m told,” Vanni said.
“Uh-huh. Pediatrician,” he answered, and she thought—Carol has outdone herself. What is sexier than that? Gorgeous, hot and loves kids.
“And yet, you don’t have children?”
“I couldn’t work that in. But now that I can, all the good women seem to be taken. But hey, I still have time to father children. Don’t you think?” Grin.
Oh, yeah, she thought. He could probably father them like mad.
Carol directed them to a pair of chairs in the living room—soft comfortable chairs that faced each other at angles, separated by a side table, where they could sit and get to know each other. Walt and Lance resumed their positions on the deck after initial introductions so the couple that was not being fixed up—ha!—could have this intimate little session to themselves. Carol delivered them drinks and then pleaded business in the kitchen, leaving them alone.
So Vanni had what turned out to be a very pleasant conversation with Cameron Michaels. She would have taken him for a doctor at once—though he was broad shouldered and nicely muscled, he was dressed like an ad for GQ. But a children’s doctor? He should have some spit-up on his shoulder or poop on his shoe to be convincing.
He worked with a group of pediatricians in town and had just bought his first real house—through Carol of course. It was much too big for just him, but he couldn’t resist it. And he didn’t think it was too late to fill it with family, if the right woman came along. He asked about Virgin River and the baby, and was fascinated by her home birth with a midwife. She relented to herself that there was nothing about him not to like when the doorbell rang and she began to rise.
Carol flew out of the kitchen like a rocket, aimed at the door. “Stay put—I’ve got it. That will be Paul. Cameron, you’re going to love Paul,” she said on the fly.
Vanni looked around. This pair of chairs was isolated from the rest of the room; a cozy little corner. There was no place for Paul to sit and join them and again she thought—I always underestimate my mother-in-law. She has everything worked out. She must plan to shuffle Paul out onto the deck with Walt and Lance right after introductions. But that’s not what Vanni had in mind.
She stood. “Excuse me,” she said to Cameron. She walked toward the door just as Paul was coming in.
The minute she saw him, she felt more alive. Paul was not as pretty as Cameron, nor even Matt, for that matter. Paul had rougher good looks. He was probably six-two, his arms so strong thanks to years of physical labor in home construction, thick sandy colored hair still cut short in that military fashion. He was tan, had big, gentle hands, a strong jaw and when he saw her his dark eyes sparkled. She nearly ran to him, hugging him close. He lifted her off the ground.
“God,” he said. “It’s so good to see you.” He put her on her feet. “Let me look at you. Aw, Vanni—you look fantastic. It’s like you never had a baby!”
“You’re such a liar,” she laughed.
“Can I see him?”
“You bet,” she said, grabbing his hand and dragging him right down the hall, leaving Carol standing at the door, her greeting ignored. Although little Matt was asleep, she picked him up and presented him to Paul. “Here you go,” she whispered.
Paul didn’t hesitate. He took the baby into his arms, holding him close. “He’s so big.” Then he met Vanni’s eyes. “He looks just like him, doesn’t he?”
“He does.” She smiled. “I’ve compared their baby pictures and it’s just a little Matt all over again.”
Carol’s head popped in the room. “Come on, you two,” she said cheerily. “We have company.” Then she quickly withdrew, clearly expecting them to follow as ordered.
Paul questioned with his eyes and Vanni sighed. “Carol’s trying to fix me up,” she whispered.
“Really?” Paul said. “How do you feel about that?”
“Not thrilled. But it’s not the guy’s fault—and he seems like a perfectly nice guy. Still…”
“Just not ready?” he asked.
“Not for him,” she said, frowning. “Come on, we’d better be social or we’ll be punished. Paul,” she said, touching his arm, “I’ve missed you so much. Tommy misses you, too. You have to come to Virgin River soon. Will you?”
“Sure,” he said with a smile.
She took the baby from him and put him back in the crib. Then, pulling him by the hand, took him to the living room. When they got there, Cameron stood. Carol intercepted Paul, taking his hand out of Vanni’s to pull him forward. “Cameron, this is Paul Haggerty—he was my son’s best friend. He and Vanni are like brother and sister.”
The men shook hands, but there was obvious and instant reticence in the postures of both—Carol wasn’t fooling either one of them. Vanni took it upon herself to drag a chair across the room so that Paul could join them, catching her mother-in-law’s frown out of the corner of her eye. And when they were all called to dinner, Carol seated them according to her plan—she and Lance occupied the heads of the table, Paul sat beside Walt, Vanni beside Cameron. And that’s how they remained.
Another of Carol’s talents was to grease the conversation and she got people talking quickly so that there was no tension at her table. She might as well have had a notebook beside her with specific questions and topics for each person at her table, so that each one had his turn to talk. She did drop into the conversation several times that Paul was Matt’s best man, Paul and Vanessa had been friends for years, Paul worked construction and oh, yes, Cameron was a doctor.
One topic Carol couldn’t control was Virgin River, and at her table were three people who loved it there and extolled all its virtues—from redwoods, mountains, valleys and rivers, to the little bar and grill run by Jack and frequented by friends and neighbors, reuniting Marines, playing host to hunters and fishermen.
After dessert and coffee, Paul was the first to leave, which Vanni thought must thrill Carol. But that was all right, because Vanni walked him outside. They hugged. “I don’t think of you as a brother,” she said.
He laughed. “And I don’t think of you as a sister.”
“I wish she hadn’t done that.”
“Carol does as she pleases. She always has. We understand that,” Paul said.
“I wanted to spend more time with you. How are you, really?”
“I’m doing okay. And you? Really? How are you doing with missing him?”
“I’ll always miss him. I miss him as much as you do, Paul.”
“Yeah,” he said, hanging his head for a moment. “Can’t really help that, can we?”
“But I don’t cry about him so much anymore. Matt wouldn’t want that—and he said so—he made me promise. Plus, Mattie takes a lot of energy, and gives me so much joy. I’m riding again—which is a wonderful diversion. Come down, Paul. For a weekend. Soon. Ride with me…play with the baby.”
Carol stuck her head out the front door. “Vanessa? I think I hear the baby.”
Vanni took a breath. “Well, Carol, you can pick him up if he’s crying. Or you can tell my dad—he knows what to do.”
“Oh,” Carol said. “Sure. But you’ll be in soon?”
“Soon,” Vanni said, an irritated edge to her voice.
The door softly closed and Paul chuckled.
“God,” Vanni said, rubbing her temples with her fingertips. “That woman…”
“It’s just Carol. No one takes her seriously.”
“To their peril,” Vanni said. Then she looked up at Paul. “Please—come to Virgin River soon. We all miss you. Especially me.”
“Yeah, I should do that. So—what do you think of that guy? At least she found you a doctor.”
She laughed. “She should get credit for that, huh?” She shrugged. “He seems pretty nice—and it’s not his fault he got fixed up with someone who isn’t interested.”
“You’ll be ready one of these days.”
I’m ready now, she wanted to say.
He kissed her forehead. “I’ll give you a call. We’ll set something up—get together soon.”
“Please,” she said, very conscious of the fact that she had been the one calling him since the baby’s birth. And then she watched him go. So, I may not think of him as a brother, but he still thinks of me as his best friend’s wife. She feared that might never change.
Tommy and Brenda had gone to a lot of trouble to arrange a whole night alone at the Booth house while the general and Vanni were both away in Grants Pass, but all that preplanning backfired. Brenda was edgy. Maybe scared. Not ready for it. Tom could tell after fifteen minutes that this wasn’t going the way he thought it would. The way she had said she wanted it to.
So, he throttled back. “Relax,” he said. “We’ll just watch a movie. We don’t have to do anything.”
“You’ll be disappointed,” Brenda said.
“No, I won’t,” he lied. “I told you a hundred times—we’re not going all the way until you’re ready. We’ll just watch a movie and curl up. We’ll sleep in our clothes. I’m not going to push you.”
“I’m sorry. I don’t know what makes me like this. I thought I’d made up my mind.”
“You don’t have to apologize, Bren. Not to me. I like that you’re giving it a lot of thought. I want you to be sure, because afterward, you have to be happy about it, not all screwed up and guilty. There’s no other way it can be, not for us. Since we’re in for the night—should we pilfer a couple of the general’s beers and put on a movie?”
“Yeah,” she laughed.
“You pick the movie, I’ll pick the beer.”
Of course it had to be a chick flick; a real groaner at that. But what the hell, if it made Brenda happy, it made him happy. Halfway through the movie and the beer, the kissing started and he thought, God bless chick flicks. They might be boring, but they sure did warm up the girls.
They reclined on the sofa and pressed their bodies tightly against each other, kissing wildly, openmouthed, tongues going nuts. He got hard, of course. By now she was used to that and she liked it, grinding against him very nicely, getting some good feelings of her own. This sort of thing had been happening between them for a while now, and it was extremely satisfying. And while Tom didn’t want her to do anything she’d regret, he definitely wanted to try out what he’d learned on page ninety-seven. Shew—the magic button. He just wanted to touch the magic button one time. Just for a second. Just to see what happened.
He lifted her shirt, unhooked her bra and felt her soft breasts. She loved it when he did that—it caused her to moan and wiggle. She was getting so hot that he wondered…“Bren,” he said breathlessly. He put a hand over her crotch on the outside of her clothes. “Can I just touch you here? Just with my hand? Nothing else—just my hand?”
“Uh-huh,” she said against his lips. “If you want to.”
He thought he might die, he was so excited. He opened the snap on her jeans and slipped his hand down and down, slowly and gently, over her flat tummy, over her soft mound, just a little further, into a place that was dark, secret, hot and damp, looking for a spot described on page ninety-seven as the trip-wire for the female orgasm. He felt a small, hard knot and when he made contact she gasped and pushed against his hand. The very second he made contact, it electrified her. “Tommy,” she said in a weak whisper.
“Yeah, baby,” he whispered against her lips. “That feels nice, doesn’t it?”
“Ooooh,” she moaned, moving back and forth, up and down. “God…”
Go for it, Brenda, he thought. Just go for it. He rubbed a little harder, reached a little further, making contact with her opening with one finger just as his other finger stayed with the magic button. He gave it a great deal of personal attention—teasing her, softly touching, roughly rubbing, all according to the suggestions in the book. The whimpering sounds she made were almost as if she was crying; panting, squirming, writhing. And then, kabam! She froze, her breath caught, and against his hand he felt the most amazing clenching sensation. “Oh God,” he whispered. “Oh my God.”
“Tom,” she said in a breath. An exhausted, happy breath. She collapsed in his embrace. “How did you know to do that? That wonderful thing you just did?”
He was not about to say his sister tipped him off. “Everyone knows,” he lied. He wondered if half the male population was as dismally uninformed as he had been. “Come on,” he said, getting off the couch. “We’re going to get more comfortable and do that some more.”
“I’m not sure I can even stand up,” she said, limp and satisfied.
“Come on,” he laughed, pulling her up.
He took her to his room, the chick flick still playing in the background. They fell onto his bed, kissing. He pulled off his sweater and then hers, holding her close with her breasts against his chest and thought—I have waited forever to feel this. It didn’t take him long to coax her out of her jeans, because she wanted his hand on her again. His pants coming off was another story. When he started to remove them, she said, “I’m not sure.”
“Let me know when you’re sure, because I’m pretty much past sure…”
“Maybe you could just put it close. Touch me there a little bit. I mean, don’t put it in yet, but touch it there a little bit, let me get used to the idea…”
“I can do that,” he said, but he was positive what she was asking for was beyond the realm of possibility. Whatever, it got him out of his pants, and he was desperate.
They’d never gotten this far before, but she had always said she wanted the first time to be special and if what she had out on the couch wasn’t special, he just couldn’t imagine how much more special it could get.
He got a condom out of the drawer and ripped it out of the package. “Brenda, we’re gonna play it real safe, honey. We don’t want to get too close and not be double safe, huh?”
“Okay,” she said, laying back, eyes closed, ready to be pleasured again.
He laughed in spite of himself. “You like that, don’t you?”
“I like that.”
Sheathed and ready, feeling as if he didn’t unload this gun he’d be walking on three legs for the rest of his life, he lowered himself to touch her in the place where he might enter her if he ever got permission, and then he put his fingers on the magic button and went to work. This thing was like a miracle, he thought. Response was instant. Faster than instant. She was moaning, writhing, panting. And he was dying, barely touching her, holding out, holding back. The strain was starting to make his head pound. He was in complete misery while she clearly neared ecstasy once again. Finally he just lost his mind. “Let me,” he begged. “God, Brenda. Let me in.”
She tilted her pelvis up a little and he slid forward. He put a hand under her bum while he massaged with his fingers. “Okay,” she said. “Okay.”
“You’re sure?”
“I’m sure,” she said.
He slid into her slowly and discovered it was everything he dreamed it would be. He was surrounded by this tight, hot, wonderful body, cinching down on him. But he wasn’t crazy, he wasn’t letting go of that miracle button. He worked it, and beneath him she went crazy. It didn’t take long before she rose against him, froze, gasped and the spasms he had felt against his hand before were nothing compared to what he felt when she tightened around him while he was right there, inside. She went off like a missile and, although she might have been totally unaware, so did he. It was the most amazing experience of his young male life. It shook him up so bad his whole body trembled. He pulsed until his brain was emptied.
“Ooooh,” she said.
That was how much more special, he thought. And he croaked, “Good God.”
“Oh, Tom,” she said, not unhappily. “We did it.”
“We did,” he said, breathless.
“That was…Holy cow, Tommy. That was awesome.”
“Awesome,” he agreed, almost faint.
“Let’s do it again,” she said.
And that’s when he learned that for women, all things are possible, and for men, time is required. There was recovery involved. Women, apparently, could just hop back on that bus, while the men were left to deal with a flat tire. He committed that to memory—these gorgeous creatures needed no time to get ready again. “You might have to give me a couple of minutes.”
“How long?” she asked impatiently.
“Well, Brenda, we could always time it…”
She giggled. “Did you know it was going to be that wonderful?”
“If I had known, I don’t think I could have waited as long as I did.”
“I love you,” she whispered.
“I love you, too,” he said, kissing her softly. And what he thought was, who knew? This girl who had been saving it, waiting for that special moment, so nervous about the whole thing—well, once she was a little stimulated, she was hot as a pistol. On fire. Completely and totally into it, giving and giving, trusting, wild and wonderful. And people said the first time wasn’t that great for a girl. Hah.
She snuggled closer to him and giggled.
“What’s so funny?” he asked.
“In the end, you begged.”
He sighed. “I did. I begged. I’m sorry—I swore to you I’d never beg.”
“I’m okay with it now,” she laughed. “I don’t think you’ll have to beg again.”
“That’s a relief.” He kissed her again. “I want to tell you something.” He brushed her hair back from her face. “When I go into the Army, I’m planning to be faithful to you while I’m away. Until you tell me you want to be free of commitment or have somebody else or something, I’m going to be thinking that you’re my girl.”
“Aw, Tom. Are you sure you want to do that?”
“Baby, I’m totally sure. I was sure a long time ago. I didn’t just say that to get into you, Brenda. I think you know I’m not the kind of guy who wants to screw around. This means something to me. I love you a lot.”
“I want to be your girl,” she said. “I love being your girl.”
“Maybe someday, when we’re older, when we’ve finished school, maybe it’ll be more than that…”
“Maybe I’d like that.” She smiled. “I was going to save this for a surprise—but what the heck. I’ve been applying for scholarships and university admissions. I’m applying mostly in New York.”
“Near the Academy?”
“Uh-huh. I don’t want to be away from you, Tom. Not any more than I have to.”
“Brenda,” he said, pulling her close. “That’s such good news.” He slipped his hand down and put his fingers on her. “Were you timing it?”
“No, why?”
“I think enough time has passed…”
“Good,” she said. “That’s good. Ooh, that’s very, very good.”
The general, Vanni and the baby returned home on Sunday night. Tom had washed all his linens, cleaned the house, taken care of the horses and was doing homework when they arrived. Vanni appeared to be extremely tired and irritated, so he went straight to her and took Mattie out of her arms. “Was it fun?” he asked.
“Depends on your definition of fun,” she said, walking down the hall to her bedroom.
Tom followed her. “What’s up?”
“I asked Carol if she’d invite Paul—I haven’t seen him since the baby was born. And she said sure, but she also invited another guy. She was fixing me up. It was very uncomfortable. I didn’t really get a chance to talk to Paul.”
“What kind of guy?” he asked, holding the baby against him.
“A nice guy. Under any other circumstances, I would’ve enjoyed meeting him. A doctor. A pediatrician from Grants Pass.”
Tom laughed. “Well, I guess if you’d just fall for him, you could marry a guy who’s really somebody, move to Grants Pass, be close to Granny and make her look good.”
A stricken look came over Vanni’s face. “God, that’s it! She’s trying to hook me up with a local guy—to get us under her thumb again! But then—” She stopped for a minute, thinking. “Why doesn’t she try to hook me up with Paul?”
“Paul is a construction worker. He was an enlisted Marine. Vanni—this new guy is a doctor! Besides.” He shrugged. “Paul wouldn’t put up with Carol’s shit. I know him. He wouldn’t. Not for long, anyway.”
Carol had never approved of the fact that her son hadn’t finished his degree and spent his career in the fighting Marines; she was pretty snobby about things like money, credentials, prestige. She had always intimated that Vanni’s decision to be a flight attendant, even though she had a degree, was copping out. She had always asked Vanni what she planned to do next.
“You know Carol,” Tom laughed. “The sooner she can get you fixed up to her satisfaction, the less she has to worry you’ll fall for someone who makes his home in Florida. She always covers her bases. She’s on top of everything.” He put the baby in the crib. “How’d he do on the trip?”
“Great. He’s a good little traveler.”
“How’s my man Paul?”
“Good. I keep begging him to come back here, but he won’t commit. Hey, how was your weekend?”
He ducked his head. “Nice,” he said. “We watched a movie.”
“You seem pretty relaxed,” she said, smiling.
“I’m not telling you anything,” he said.
“That’s okay, buddy. But everything around here was all right while we were gone?”
“Yeah.” He left her bedroom. Then he stuck his head back into the doorway and said, “Know what I said about wishing I’d had a big brother? I take it back.” Then he disappeared.
Three
Less than a week after visiting Grants Pass, Vanessa opened the front door of her father’s house to find Cameron Michaels standing on the stoop. “Well, hey,” she said, surprised.
“Hey,” he said, showing her that sexy, dimpled grin. “I decided to have a look at this little town, see what all the fuss is about.”
“No kidding? You should’ve called. We could have made some plans together.”
“Is it too late for that? Because all I was going to do is drive around the area. Maybe drop into that bar you and Paul were raving about. If you’re not too busy…”
“Kind of far to come for just a look around…”
He shrugged. “I have a couple of days off in a row, which I pay for by being on call all weekend, and I thought, what the heck? It’s worth a shot. It was a very last minute idea.”
She lifted one brow and folded her arms over her chest. “You didn’t have any trouble finding the house.”
He had the grace to laugh a little and avert his eyes, caught. “Carol,” he said.
“Look, you should understand something. I respect my mother-in-law, but she can be a little pushy and—”
He put a hand on her arm to stop her. “Hey, Vanni—I asked her. And I didn’t call on purpose. I didn’t want to give you time to think of an excuse. I thought if I popped in unannounced, you might just cave in. Spend a couple of hours with me. You can punish me for bad manners later.”
She smiled at him. “I look forward to it.”
“So, do you have a little time?” he asked.
“It’s not as though I’m busy, but I have a baby who still nurses a lot.”
He tilted his head and grinned. “I’m pretty comfortable around babies.”
“Yeah. You would be, huh. Well, come on in.”
He stepped inside and looked around. “Wow,” he said. “What a great place. From the outside it looks like just an ordinary house.”
“My dad had the inside completely gutted and remodeled while he was serving his last tour in the Army. Last summer he and my brother Tommy came out and I joined them in the fall.” She walked into the great room and found her boots sitting by the chair. She sat down to pull them on while Cameron went to the window and looked out at the stable, corral and pasture. “Do you ride?” she asked.
“I did years ago. I haven’t been on a horse since I was a teenager.”
“Do you like horses?”
“I have great respect for horses. The last time I was near one, he stepped on my foot. Broke it.”
“Yeah, they should beep when they back up. You have to be alert.” She stood and smoothed her jeans. “Mattie is due to wake up any second. I can feed him, change him, beg him to behave and we could take a little run around Virgin River. How’s that sound?”
“Like just what I was hoping for.”
“You’re very presumptuous, you know,” she said, but she smiled.
He smiled right back. Confident. “You’re very beautiful, you know.”
She felt her cheeks grow instantly warm. “Help yourself to something to drink from the kitchen. I’ll see about the baby.”
“Take your time. Put him in a good mood.”
Forty-five minutes later they were underway in Walt’s big Tahoe. Cameron had come to Virgin River in a Porsche and there was no room in it for a car seat. She drove him out Highway 299, through the redwoods, then out to sit at the Virgin River where there were only a couple of anglers, it not being the best time of year for fishing. She explained the seasonal sports—fly-fishing in the summer, salmon in fall and winter was best, bear and deer hunting season from September through October, waterfowl hunting season October to January. Forest fire season from June through October. In summer the hikers and campers were all over the place.
While they were looking at the sights she learned that Cameron hailed from Portland, went to undergrad and medical school at Stanford and had parents, one brother and one sister in Portland, both married with kids. He did his residency in family medicine, then decided pediatrics was his first love. “I’ve disappointed my parents in the area of grandchildren, but I don’t think they should be so quick to write me off.”
“Certainly not,” she said. “Mel, my midwife, and her husband, Jack, didn’t marry until he was forty—and they’re expecting their second now. Jack says each one makes him feel younger. Mel frowns at him when he says that. I think the babies are a little closer together than she likes.”
“Medical school and residency is consuming. I was thirty by the time I was ready to go into practice, and that wasn’t simple. I had big time bills to pay off and it wasn’t easy to find an existing pediatric practice in Oregon that needed me.”
“And it had to be Oregon, huh?” she asked.
“At the time, I thought it had to be. I’ve become a lot more flexible since then.”
“But you like your practice?”
“Yeah, good docs. One woman and two men—outstanding physicians.”
Vanni continued the tour by driving him up into the foothills where sheep and cattle grazed, down through the valley where vineyards were just beginning to come to life and finally, as the afternoon had aged, they ended up at Jack’s. By the time they got there, Matt was fussing and demanding dinner. Before she could get to him, Cam had him out of the car seat and was jiggling him against his chest. Cameron had the diaper bag slung over his shoulder as well, taking charge. It was nice, having a man do that. Not just any man could—it would take someone special to be so confident with a baby. At that moment Vanni realized she’d been feeling so alone, even with her dad’s continual support. She missed her man. She would like to have a partner. She would like Mattie to have a dad.
When they walked into Jack’s, she was pleased to see the dinner crowd included her people, her friends. The first order of business was to introduce Cam to Jack. “This is Cameron Michaels, Dr. Michaels, a friend of Matt’s parents. And Cameron, this is Jack.”
Cameron deftly held the baby against his chest while he shook hands. “Pleasure,” he said. “I’ve heard a lot about this place. I thought I’d drive down and look it over.”
“Welcome,” Jack said. “What can I get you?”
“How about a beer?”
“You got it. Cameron, meet Paige,” he said just as Paige came from the back. “She’s married to the guy who really runs this place—our cook, Preacher.”
“Nice to meet you,” he said. “Looks like the stork is on the way.”
“Pretty soon now—this summer,” she said, smiling sweetly.
Jack put a beer on the bar and Vanni said, “Paige, can I impose on your hospitality for a few minutes? I should nurse Mattie—we’ve been out driving around all afternoon and he’s hungry.”
“Sure. You know the way.”
Vanni reached for Mattie and said, “Jack, can you introduce Cameron to the crowd? I’ll be back in a little while.”
She went into Preacher and Paige’s apartment behind the bar, settled herself into the soft leather chair and nursed her baby. In spite of her determination to be strong about the events that shaped her days, she felt the sting of tears. This guy had driven all the way from Grants Pass on the chance he might see her. She’d had a lovely time with him. But where was Paul? She’d give anything to see him, but he didn’t even call. Because, she reminded herself, I’m not a woman to him. I’m his best friend’s wife; he loves me like a sister, whether he’ll admit it or not. Hadn’t it always been like that?
Cameron was introduced to Preacher, who was very welcoming, if a little distracted by the dinner he was working on. With him in the kitchen was Christopher, who he introduced as his son except the boy called him John. Then there was Mike Valenzuela and Jack’s sister, Brie. Cameron sat down with them for a little while and learned that Mike was a former police detective and sergeant and Brie a former prosecutor. He hadn’t imagined he’d be meeting professionals with such sophisticated educations and experience in a little place like this.
He was offered dinner of pork loin, garlic mashed potatoes and green beans, but he chose to wait for Vanessa to finish with the baby. And while he waited a beautiful young pregnant woman came in, followed by an old man carrying a young child. The woman leaned across the bar to kiss Jack and then Jack took immediate charge of the child. Cameron was soon introduced to Doc Mullins and Mel Sheridan. A couple more tables were pushed together and they joined the group while Jack, with his son on his hip, fetched the high chair from the kitchen.
“Mel, I’m fascinated by your work. You deliver most of the town, I’m told,” Cameron said.
“I don’t know about that. I do for the women who don’t have a lot of insurance. Or for special cases like Vanni. She doesn’t look it, but she’s kind of granola natural—she wanted to give birth at her father’s house, and she did a fantastic job. Textbook. In fact, we had a wonderful birthing party.”
“A birthing party?” Cameron asked.
“It kind of fell into place. When I was called out, Jack let it slip that she was in labor, so Preacher and Paige packed up dinner from the kitchen and closed the bar. Mike and Brie came out in case any of the children needed tending. With the general and Tommy, Jack and Davie, and of course Paul helping with the delivery, we were a full and happy house. It was great fun.”
“Wasn’t it a little melancholy? It being Vanni’s late husband’s child?”
“That’s the thing about babies, Cameron. They give you such hope. Such joy. That’s why I love this business.”
He laughed and said, “You obviously take it personally.”
She rubbed her swollen middle. “Not much longer. Jack promises we’re going to take a break after this one. And I’ve promised that if he doesn’t keep his word, I’m going to shoot him in his sleep.”
While Doc had his whiskey, Cameron grilled him with questions about small town doctoring, asked Mel about some of her other cases and quizzed Mike about local policing. He asked Brie what kind of law she was practicing and learned that while she’d been a prosecutor in Sacramento, she was now occupied with small cases that included divorces, property closures, water rights disputes and such. The county D.A. used her as a consultant on some cases, as well. He was completely fascinated, completely enchanted. Before long Vanni joined them, Mattie full and content against her shoulder. Cameron reached for the baby across the table and said, “Get yourself a beer. Lucky for you, it’s good for nursing mothers.” When Jack joined them, they were ready for dinner together.
Cameron enjoyed this excursion far more than he expected to. He had hoped for an opportunity to be with Vanni on the excuse of checking out Virgin River, but it had happened that he was delighted by the town, the people and the families that gathered at Jack’s.
“Are you staying at the general’s?” Jack asked him.
“No, there’s a motel in Fortuna that has plenty of room.”
“You’re welcome to stay with us,” Vanessa said.
“Or, I can give you another option,” Jack offered. “The cabin Mel and I just moved out of is empty and furnished, and right here in Virgin River. Clean sheets on the bed, towels in the bathroom, but no food in the fridge. If you want it, it’s yours. I can even fix you up with food and drink to take with you—I’m tight with the cook.”
“Are you sure?” Cameron asked.
“Absolutely. Let me draw you a map—the door is never locked.”
“Hey, that’s fantastic of you. Since it’s already kind of late, I really appreciate it.”
“I’ll write my number at home and at the bar on this map,” he said, drawing on the back of a napkin. “Give me a call anytime. If my family isn’t visiting and using the cabin, you’re welcome to it.”
“What can I pay you for it?” Cameron asked.
“Don’t be ridiculous. It’s there for friends and family.” He finished with the map and turned it around to Cameron. “Any friend of Vanni’s is a friend of ours.”
The night was still young when Mike and Brie said good night. Not long after Jack fetched his son out of the high chair and swept his family away. Doc Mullins said goodbye.
Cameron had enjoyed his dinner while holding Mattie against his chest; he had loved looking across the table at the beautiful and sexy Vanessa. Julia Roberts, that was what she was. Leggy, full-breasted, her hair a reddish hue shot through with blond, her smile wild and spontaneous, her laugh loud and free. He didn’t think he’d ever run into a woman like this in his life.
“What do you think? Time for you and the baby to go home?”
“Yeah,” she said, and she smiled as though she’d had a good time.
“Let’s get going. If you’re not too busy tomorrow, maybe you could introduce me to the horses before I head back to Grants Pass.”
“Sure,” she said. “We should go for a ride. The bear are just coming out of hibernation with their cubs, and the deer have fawns now.”
“I would love that. But is it dangerous? Any worry about the bear?”
“Not for you,” she said with a big laugh. “I carry a rifle. I’ll take care of you.” Then she laughed some more.
As they stepped out onto the porch of the bar, Cameron stopped and listened. He looked up at the sky—the magnificent clear, black sky studded with a billion stars—and heard in the background the gentle strumming and picking of a Spanish guitar. He held the baby against him with one arm, put the other around Vanessa. “Do you hear that?”
“Hmm. That’s Mike. Miguel, actually. Isn’t it beautiful?”
He leaned closer to her. “I love this place.”
When Jack had settled Mel and Davie into bed, he crept into the kitchen and placed a long-distance call. Paul Haggerty answered and Jack said, “Hey, it’s me.”
“Hey, Jack. What’s up?”
“What’s up is that doctor. Cameron what’s his name. Down here putting the moves on Vanessa. Paul, I’m not going to tell you twice. You better not let this happen.”
“Jack, listen. She’s not ready.”
“You sure it’s not you who’s not ready?”
“I was there when she met him—at Matt’s parents’ house. She told me—she’s not ready.”
“But the problem is, he’s ready. Buddy, don’t be stupid.”
“Yeah,” Paul said. “Okay. Thanks.”
When they hung up and Jack went back to Mel, crawling into bed and slipping his hands under the T-shirt to feel her belly, she said, “You’re doing it again, aren’t you?”
He sighed. “I thought you were asleep.”
“You’re getting in the middle of stuff.”
“Mel, I wasn’t going to tell you anything. But I’ll tell you, because you’re so goddamn nosy. Paul loves her.”
“I know.”
“Well then why are you all over me?” he asked.
“Because this is for them to work out. Not you.”
“But Paul loves her. And this Cameron—he’s nice, he’s a good guy, he’s slick.”
“It’s for them to work out.”
“Well, what the hell do you expect me to do?”
“Stay out of it.”
“But what if…”
“Stay out of it. You are such a mother hen.”
“We owe Paul…”
“Jack, if Paul isn’t smart enough or aggressive enough or in love enough to handle this, maybe Vanni is better off with the pediatrician.”
“How can you say that?!”
“Because I’m the wise one in this marriage,” she said. “And you’re too emotional.”
“Aww.”
“Why did you give Cameron the cabin if you don’t like seeing him with Vanni?” she asked.
“Because. He wouldn’t be under the general’s roof tonight.”
She laughed. “Jack Sheridan, you are such a sneak. I never give you enough credit.”
The next morning Cameron was invited to breakfast with Vanni and the general, then out for a ride. It was a weekday and Tommy had school so the general was needed to baby-sit. Vanni took him out alone, just the two of them. Vanni rode Tommy’s horse, a gelding named Chico who was pretty frisky, while she put Cameron on their gentlest mare, Plenty, short for Plenty of Trouble. There were four horses in the stable, all of them good riding mounts with the general’s stallion, Liberty, being the most difficult to manage. As promised, she had a rifle strapped to her saddle.
“You ride, shoot, have babies at home—I thought you grew up in the city?”
“When you grow up with the general, you learn lots of interesting things. And my mom was a farm girl.”
“When did you lose your mom?” he asked.
“A few years ago. She was a real amazing, strong, beautiful woman. She did so many things—besides riding and hunting with my dad, she was also a licensed pilot and followed Dad all over the world. When both my brother and I were born, Dad was off in one conflict or another. For some of the most important times in our family, he was missing—and she never once complained or ragged on him. She admired him, respected the work he did—they were true partners. She was the strongest woman I’ve ever known.” She took a breath. “She was killed in a traffic accident in D.C. Such a waste, such a loss.”
“I’m sorry,” Cameron said. “You take after her, don’t you?”
“I hope I do. That would be the highest compliment you could give me.”
They rode along the river for a while, enjoying the crisp air, the spring foliage. Ponderosa, fir and pine spattered with sequoia rose high above them, covering the foothills. “You’re doing pretty well,” she observed.
“If this old girl doesn’t make any fast moves, I can hang in there.”
The river trail opened up into a field and Vanni stopped. “Look,” she whispered. On the other side of the field was a small herd of deer, two bucks, several doe and their babies. “It’s not even the best time of day to see them.” A gentle breeze caressed her; she removed her hat and lifted her hair off her neck to take advantage of the cooling. “What’s not to love about this place, huh?”
“Fantastic,” he agreed. “Can we take a break? Get off and walk around?”
“Sure,” she said, dismounting. She led Chico toward the river edge and he lowered his head to drink. Cameron did the same with Plenty.
Vanni gazed off at the deer. She could feel Cameron move up behind her; the warmth of his body was right there, though he didn’t touch her. Then one hand caressed her upper arm while the other pulled her hair away from her ear.
“This is the first time I’ve ever driven two hundred miles to see a woman I’ve barely met, Vanessa,” he whispered.
Vanni bit on her lower lip. She’d been sleepless last night, thinking. She knew Cameron was interested in her, but that wasn’t enough. Her mind was on Paul.
She turned around. “I’m very vulnerable, Cameron,” she said by way of warning.
“I know. I’ll treat you carefully.”
“You’re going to have to treat me patiently,” she said. “I’m not prepared to be any more than friends right now.”
He laughed and shook his head. “I’d sure like to see where this could go.”
“Friends,” she said. “Or nothing at all.”
He cocked his head and smiled. “Do friends kiss? Just to see if there’s…chemistry?”
She shook her head. “They do not. Not yet.”
“Yet is a much more encouraging response than nothing at all. I guess friends kiss when they’ve gotten to know each other and there’s trust. Do I have that right?”
She sighed deeply. If not for Paul, she might be attracted to Cameron. He was handsome, sexy, sweet. “It’s too soon. My mother-in-law jumped the gun, introducing us and—”
“Nah, it’s not Carol’s fault. I’m jumping the gun because…” He shrugged. “Because you’re beautiful and fun. So shoot me.”
She smiled at him. “I don’t think your life is in danger for calling me beautiful and fun. That’s very nice. But I’m not getting involved with you right now.”
“You said we’d be friends,” he argued. And he reached out to stroke her hair.
“Behave like a friend, Cameron. Like a Boy Scout.”
He laughed at her. “You’re asking way too much. I’ll behave, but let’s keep this in perspective. I’m a man. You’re a damn sexy woman.”
“Do I have to worry you won’t mind your manners?” she asked, lifting a brow.
“Absolutely not,” he promised. “You’re in charge.”
“Then no touching until…No touching.”
He put his hands in his pockets. “Whatever you want, Vanessa. I’m just going to—”
At that very moment, Plenty whinnied, backed away from the stream and bolted.
“Shoot!” Vanni said. “That little troublemaker.” She pushed Cameron away, grabbed the reins of the gelding, leaped into the saddle and said, “I’ll be back.” She directed her horse after Plenty. “Don’t go away,” she yelled, laughing, as if he could go anywhere, stranded as he was. She whipped at Chico’s rear flank with the end of the rein.
Vanni took off at a gallop and burst into a dead run, leaning low in the saddle and urging the horse with her heels, going after the mare. The deer lifted their heads and headed for the trees while Plenty ran across the meadow, clearly enjoying her freedom. But Plenty was no match for Chico, who was the second fastest horse in their stable. On the other side of the meadow, Vanni caught up with her, leaned out of her saddle to grab a trailing rein, pulled back on the runaway and slowed her down.
She trotted back toward Cameron, delivering his horse, laughing in spite of herself. “I forgot to mention, she’s a runner. She sneaks off.”
“That was no sneak. That was bold-faced.”
“Yeah,” she laughed. “You gotta love a woman with nerve.”
Vanni had known for a long time that her best friend Nikki was in a troubled relationship and that it wasn’t going to last. Cameron had barely departed, headed back for Grants Pass, when the phone rang and Nikki said. “It’s over.”
“Oh, honey,” Vanni commiserated. “Something major must have happened. Big fight?”
Through her tears, Nikki said, “It started out as the usual fight—me saying I needed a relationship with a future and him saying he wasn’t ready because of his short, terrible marriage years before we met. Then he dropped the big bomb. A couple of years ago, without telling me, without talking to me about it, he had a vasectomy.”
“What?” Vanni asked. “But how could he do that without you knowing?”
“I was gone on a couple of trips for a little over a week. He only needed a few days to recover completely. I never suspected.” She sniffed into the phone. “Craig was afraid I’d stop taking my birth control pills and try to sneak a baby out of him. He said he was sorry, but he didn’t want a family and was tired of fighting about it.”
Vanni sank into the chair by the phone. “This is just…unbelievable.”
“He said that if what we have isn’t good enough—just like it is—then it would probably be better for both of us if I just made good on my threat. Vanni,” she said with a whimper. “When did he become that kind of man?”
Vanni grimaced. It was tempting to say he’d always been like that—selfish, insensitive, an egotistical bore who took a lot more than he gave. But Nikki’s heart was breaking so all she said was, “Oh, honey. I’m so sorry. The creep.”
“My dad helped me move out—all my things are in my parents’ garage. I’m staying with them while I look for something to rent. I’m calling from the car. I don’t have to work for a few days. Can I come up?”
“Of course,” Vanni said. Nikki and Vanni had been best friends since they both started at the airline. They’d gotten each other through a dozen rotten boyfriends, but nothing like this. Nikki had been with Craig for five years.
Nikki had been Vanni’s maid of honor when she married Matt. Vanni would have been lost without Nikki to talk to, to lean on when Matt was deployed to Iraq. When he was killed, she spent hours on the phone with her best friend. Of course she would try to comfort Nikki now.
“I feel so stupid,” Nikki said. “Why’d I let myself fall in love with him?”
“Can we really help who we love?” Vanni asked with a sigh. “Just get up here. We’ll eat fattening food, play with the baby, tease Tom, ride the horses and stick pins in a Craig doll. Nikki, you know it’s time to move on—he wasn’t good enough for you. And what he did—that was so deceptive, you could never count on him again.”
“Vanni, what’s wrong with us?” Nikki asked. “Why are we stuck loving men who don’t love us?”
With a shock of clarity, Vanni gulped. Why indeed, she asked herself. And then we feel so stupid, like such failures. It was wrong, all wrong. “We’re going to work on that, my friend. Both of us.”
Joe Benson got a call from his old friend, Preacher, explaining that he and Paige had done a lot of talking about their growing family. Right now they were housed in Jack’s old apartment behind the bar—a small L-shaped bedroom/living room built for a single man—while Paige’s son, four-year-old Chris, was sleeping in the bedroom above the kitchen that had once been Preacher’s. With a baby coming and maybe more in their future, they had to do something. They thought about buying a larger house, but in point of fact, Paige and Preacher loved living right where they worked. As far as either of them could foresee, Preacher would always be the cook and manager at Jack’s bar with Paige as his right hand.
Preacher had talked to Jack about allowing him to enlarge their quarters. Jack thought it was a fine idea; it would at least double the value of the property. He made Preacher a deal—if Preacher would build on, Jack would get together a contract to make him a full partner and half-owner. If the bar and grill and attached home was ever sold, the proceeds would be split.
Before any further discussion could occur, an architect would have to be consulted to see if building on was feasible. There was room; the property on which the bar sat was comfortably large. Preacher wanted to find a plan that would give them plenty of space and wouldn’t disrupt business too much during renovation.
That’s where Joe came in. If Joe thought it was a good idea and could draw up some plans, Preacher could begin to look for a builder.
Joe loved an excuse to spend a day or two with Jack and Preacher. And it made him feel good when his buddies asked him for help; he always gave them a deal on the designs. So Joe said, “I’ll have to see the space and the structure, do some measuring. It’s not raw land, Preach. An add-on is a little complicated—the basic structure has to support additional square footage. Tell you what. I’ll drive down tomorrow, stay overnight…”
“Tomorrow?! Oh, man, that’s great of you!”
“For you and Paige, Preach? It’s an honor.”
And that’s what he had done. When you’re an architect with your own small firm, you make your own hours, design at three in the morning sometimes, if that’s when the inspiration hits. So he made it to the bar before noon on Thursday, had a nice long lunch with Mel and Jack, Preacher and Paige and they talked about the expansion. To Joe’s surprise, Preacher was the one with the most elaborate ideas—he wanted a large great room and dining room, a play area for the kids, a small office for himself, plus a total of four bedrooms. And, he wanted the family connected, not separated the way it was—right now they had to go through the kitchen and up the back stairs to get to Christopher’s room. Preacher wanted it to become a house like any other house—with a clear path to all the rooms. And maybe a fireplace. The only thing he didn’t need was a kitchen.
Joe got busy right after lunch, sketching, measuring, tromping through their quarters and around the yard behind the house. There were some beautiful big trees back there he’d rather not disturb and a huge brick barbecue he’d prefer not to move. He could see the potential for a nice, spacious house connected to the bar by one door through the kitchen, and with two separate entrances independent of the bar. The downstairs could be enlarged enough to hold a great room, master bedroom and bath, dining room and serving station with storage for their personal dishes and dining accessories, with a breakfast bar separating the serving station from the dining room. He could install a food-warming tray, dishwasher, trash compactor and sink in their serving station for convenience. He left the laundry room right where it was, just inside the door to the bar. The addition of a small office would square out the first floor and support additional bedrooms and a loft on the second floor. They could entertain friends and have family meals there. The stairs to the second floor could be removed to enlarge their ground space and they could put an open staircase to the second floor in the great room.
There was room upstairs for two additional bedrooms and an open loft. The bedrooms would be large enough for more than one child, with walk-in closets. Their total living space now was twelve hundred square feet and he could turn it into three thousand without even breathing hard.
The only inconvenience would be that Preacher and his family would have to move out for most of the construction. Joe knew they had some options—one of which was Jack and Mel’s cabin. Small, but serviceable for four to six months.
It was almost five by the time Joe was ready to discuss these possibilities with Preacher, Jack and Paige. Since Jack was busy serving, and Preacher and Paige were busy cooking and clearing, he would enjoy a beer while waiting out the dinner crowd. He had a large sketch pad and notebook full of measurements that he flipped closed for the time being.
That’s when he saw her, the profile of a small brunette with long, silky dark hair that went halfway down her back. Right beside her, leaning toward her and talking in her ear, was Vanni. For a moment Joe was struck dumb. Then, gathering his wits, he said, “Vanni?”
Vanni looked up, past the back of her friend’s head and said, “Joe?”
“Yeah,” he laughed.
She immediately left her beer and her friend and came over to him. Of course they’d met more than once, the last time being at her husband’s funeral. Joe knew Matt; he’d met him in Grants Pass when he’d been home on leave. They’d been introduced by Paul.
“What are you doing here?” she asked, embracing him.
“A little design work for Preacher and Paige,” he said. “They want to enlarge their home. You know—to accommodate the baby and then some.” The thought that immediately came to mind was the conversation he and Paul had had a couple of weeks ago. Paul was in love with this woman and had messed it up so bad, he probably didn’t stand a chance. Joe peered around Vanni at the woman with her, but he saw only her profile. She was exquisite. Beautiful beyond words.
“Nikki,” Vanni called. “Come here.” When Nikki approached, her smile very small and maybe shy, Vanni made introductions. “Meet Joe, a friend of Matt’s and Paul’s. Joe, meet my best friend, Nikki.”
He put out a hand and she laid hers in his. “Nice to meet you,” he said.
“A pleasure,” she said, but then she glanced down.
“Gee, this is terrible,” Vanni said. “If I’d known you were coming, I’d have made plans to do something special for you. I would have cooked dinner or something.”
“I’d be glad to buy you a little of Preacher’s dinner if you’ll stay,” he offered. “I’d really enjoy that.”
“Thanks, that’s sweet. But I’ve left my dad baby-sitting for a while and I had Preacher pack us up something to go. I’m still nursing—my escapes are very brief. I could get Preacher to add to it if you’ll come out to the house.”
“I wish I could, but I have to discuss building plans with these folks tonight.”
“Doggone it, Joe. Next time, please let me know you’re coming. I’d like to spend some time with you, too!”
“It’s a promise,” he said. “And I’ll be back. Guaranteed.” But will she be back? Joe wondered. Nikki. He wouldn’t forget that name.
Right at that moment, Paige came out with a big sack holding their dinner. Vanni fished for her wallet and Joe said, “On me, sweetheart. Amends for not calling you ahead. A mistake I’ll never make again.” He pulled a couple of twenties out of his pocket, peeled them off, laid them on the bar and reached for the take-out sack to pass to her. “Enjoy the best food you’ll ever eat,” he said to Nikki.
Nikki gave her head a small nod while Vanni said, “Gee, thanks! I sure didn’t expect that.” Then she leaned toward Joe and gave him a kiss on the cheek. “That’s very sweet.”
“Enjoy,” he said. “Nice meeting you, Nikki,” he said, wishing that he’d had a little cheek press from her. But what he got instead was another small nod.
They left and he went back to his beer. It was quite a while before Jack was freed up enough to walk down to his end of the bar, wiping his hands on a dish towel. “How’d you do there?” he asked, glancing at the sketch pad.
“I think I have some good ideas here,” Joe said. “With the right builder, this could work out nicely.”
“The right builder is the problem. When I was finishing my house, I couldn’t find squat around here. That’s why I called Paul.”
“Well, I know some people,” Joe said. “I might be able to help you with that. First, we have to see if you three like my ideas. And, by the way, who was that woman with Vanni?”
“Girlfriend from the flight attendant days. I gather they’re best friends who flew together for years and she’s up here to visit.”
“Jesus,” Joe said. “She’s incredible.”
“Based in San Francisco,” Jack said with a smile. “She’s going home tomorrow.”
“Well, so am I.” He lifted his beer. “Here’s to another close call.”
Jack laughed.
Joe took a long drink, Jack wandered away and Joe thought, I’ve been to San Francisco five times in the past year and I never saw anyone like that. Why not? This is a town of six hundred. I shouldn’t see anyone that amazing here—I should see ten or twenty so gorgeous in the city.
Jack came back with his coffee cup. Joe merely looked up at him and said, “This place. It’s kind of scary.”
“Tell me about it,” Jack said, taking a sip of his coffee. “I found Mel here. That stuff isn’t supposed to happen.”
Four
Paul knew that Jack was right—he’d have to make his presence felt in Virgin River soon. He couldn’t let the doctor be the only one there when Vanni came out of mourning and was ready to get on with her life. So he called the general and asked if it would be all right to come down for a weekend visit, to see the family and the baby.
He got up early on Saturday morning and made the drive in record time. He pulled up in front of the house and what he saw from the driveway gave him pause. Vanni was dressed in well-worn jeans, chambray shirt with the sleeves rolled up, boots and a Stetson, standing out in front of Matt’s grave. She pulled the hat off her head and shook her hair down her back. Then she wiped at her eyes. Damn it, he thought. I told Jack she was still in that dark place.
He left the truck and, rather than going to the front door, he went out to the grave. As he came up behind her, she heard him and turned. Then she quickly turned back and wiped at her eyes with the back of her hand. He walked up behind her and put his arms around her waist. “Having one of those days?” he asked gently.
“Yeah,” she said. “Every once in a while I just get so lonely.”
“I know, Vanni. It’s going to be okay.”
“Dad’s worried about me coming out here to tell Matt about it.” She laughed uncomfortably. “He wishes I wouldn’t do this.”
“It’s okay to do this,” he said.
“I’m not brooding. Really. Sometimes I can’t think of anyone else to complain to.”
“You can always complain to me,” he said.
She turned around and looked at him; for a moment her eyes flashed. “And how am I supposed to do that? I hardly ever talk to you. I almost never see you.”
“I’m sorry, I meant to do better. I know I went missing for a while after leaving here. It’s complicated, Vanni. I can explain.”
“Any more complicated than losing a husband?” she snapped. “Oh God, I’m sorry. I don’t know what got into me just now. My God, you lost your best friend—I’m sorry. Paul, you don’t have to explain…”
“Yeah, I think I do. After we buried him and I stayed on for Mattie—I was kind of like a grenade with the pin out. I hadn’t unloaded, and man, I really needed to. I was a little out of my head, Vanni. I didn’t use the best judgment. I had to take a time out, some space—a few weeks. I had to get a grip on things, you know? And I didn’t want everything between us to be about grieving over Matt. There’s a lot more between us than that.”
“There is?” she asked hopefully.
“Well, Jesus, we delivered a baby together.” He rubbed a thumb along her cheek under her eye. “Sorry. My hands are so rough.”
“No,” she said. “No. Your hands are fine. Do you have any idea how much I’ve missed you?”
“Not half as much as I missed you. We’ve been through a lot together, you and me.” He reached for her hand. He couldn’t tell her now, here, in front of Matt’s grave with the general waiting right inside the house. “Go get cleaned up. Tom’s probably got a big date tonight, but I’m going to take you and your dad out to dinner.”
She smiled. “Anywhere special?” she asked.
“Your favorite bar and grill. I made a reservation.”
By the time Paul got the general, Vanni and baby to the bar, the few customers were finishing up their early meals and leaving. Tables were pushed together and the usual crowd gathered around. The April nights were still cold, so the fire was lit in the hearth. Jack divided his time between the tables and his favorite spot behind the bar. Paul drifted back there and said, “Look at your wife, my man. She’s almost more baby than woman. And she’s got a kind of wild look about her. Her cheeks are awful pink.”
“I know,” Jack said. “We just had a doctor’s visit—John Stone said if we turn her upside down we might see the color of Emma’s eyes. Stand back. She’s going to go early. I’ve been driving myself crazy trying to keep her still. I’d like to keep this one inside at least a couple more weeks.”
“She’s real animated. Kind of like Vanni was that day she made me watch the childbirth movie.”
“Yeah. I’m not experienced enough to know how early is too early. I thought about calling John…” Then he smiled at Paul and said, “I see you made it right down here. Good thinking. You make any progress with Vanni?”
That changed Paul’s expression. “When I drove up to the house today I caught her out at the grave, crying. I told you—she’s still on real shaky ground.”
“My advice—which, by the way, Mel says I am not, under pain of death allowed to give—is be sure you’re around when the ground stops shaking.”
“Jack, I should talk to you about a couple of things. This whole business with Vanni—it just keeps getting more complicated.”
“Yeah?”
“For one thing, I have some pretty stiff competition…”
“Oh, yeah? Join the club, my brother.”
“Yeah, that’s right. Mel’s husband was a doctor.”
“Yeah,” he said. “An E.R. doctor. A saver of lives who, by all accounts, was also perfect in every other aspect of his life.” He swallowed. “He was neat, smart, humorous and probably great in bed. A fucking god.”
“You didn’t stand a chance, intellectually speaking,” Paul said.
“I know it,” Jack said. “And yet…”
“I need to talk to you about a couple of things,” Paul said. “Maybe you’ll point me in the right direction.”
“Paul, you don’t need my input. You just have to tell her how you feel.”
He hung his head briefly. “I don’t think it’s gonna be that simple. I think I might come by in the morning. So we can talk.”
“Come by the house then,” he said. “I try not to get too far away these days. I haven’t been coming into the bar until a little later in the morning.”
When Paul sat beside Vanessa again, she looked at him with sparkling aquamarine eyes and he almost melted. His very next thought was how he’d probably see those eyes flash in pure rage when he unburdened himself. She had a fire in her, and he’d seen a hint of that earlier today, out by the grave. It caused a shudder to pass through him. Then he noticed her hand was resting on her thigh, right next to him, and he reached for it, holding it under the table.
It was still early when they got back to the general’s house. Vanni took a little time alone with the baby, nursing him and settling him for the night. While she was busy, Walt built a fire. Then he went down the hall, leaving Paul alone in the great room.
Paul wanted a drink, but he didn’t dare. He was afraid it would loosen him up, make him either talk too much or do too much. Then Vanni joined him. She’d brushed out her hair and it fell in silky curves onto her shoulders, glistening in the firelight, making him want to scrunch it up in his hands.
“Where’s Dad?” she asked, curling up in the big leather chair beside his.
“He fixed up the fire and left the room,” Paul said. “It’s kind of early for him to turn in, isn’t it?”
“Maybe he’ll be right back. Can I get you anything? A nightcap?”
“No, thanks,” he said a little nervously. “So—rumor has it the doctor was here last week…”
She smiled. “Mel was right. If there’s anything you want to keep secret, get out of this town!”
“Did you want that to be a secret?” he asked, lifting his brows.
“No reason for that,” she said with a shrug. “I didn’t invite him. Yes, he came to town. I showed him around, had dinner at Jack’s, took him for a ride. He’s not great on a horse.” She grinned.
“How is he off the horse?” Paul heard himself ask.
She laughed at him, then said, “Cameron seems to be a very nice man. But then, we knew that.”
“A woman in your position—you’d probably be very interested in someone like him,” he said.
“Well, Paul, I have to admit, it’s nice to finally have a man pay a little romantic attention to me. It’s been a very long time. I know I haven’t been widowed all that long—but it’s been almost a year since…” Her voice trailed off and she looked away.
“Since?” he said, talking like a man who had had that drink.
She let her gaze drift back with a mysterious half smile on her lips. Vanni almost laughed, wondering how poor Paul would react if she said, “Since someone melted my bones with an orgasm…” A secret chuckle escaped her. Paul was sweet and affectionate, but far too taciturn. She reminded herself to treat him gently. He was very cautious with women. If he weren’t, he’d have been married years ago with a flock of children by now. “Since anything, Paul,” she said. “Anything at all.”
“Sorry,” he said, dropping his chin. “I didn’t mean to get so personal…”
She laughed at him. “Paul, you weren’t this shy with me when I was delivering Mattie. What’s going on?”
He took a breath. “Vanni, Vanni…I have things to explain. Difficult things. I know I don’t seem like the kind of guy who’d have complications in his life. I seem more like the kind of guy who has no life at all. But before Matt…Before I came down here to finish Jack’s house…I went out sometimes, you know?”
She laughed a little. “Paul, even though you never said anything, and I know you’re kind of shy around women, I assumed—”
“Stupid,” he said, interrupting. “I’m mostly stupid around women.”
“Uncertain, maybe. But under the right circumstances…”
“Exactly,” he said, almost relieved. “Under the right circumstances things can happen that you just don’t expect.”
She frowned slightly. “Paul, I understand you went out with women. Why wouldn’t you? You’re a handsome, single man.”
“It’s about me being a little absent since Mattie was born…I have a situation to work out.”
“A situation in Grants Pass?” she asked.
“Yeah,” he said, rubbing a hand across the back of his sweaty neck. He took a breath. “Before I came down here last fall, I went out with a woman a couple of times. Just a casual thing. Nothing serious. But then the whole goddamn world shifted, Matt was killed, Mattie was due, I stayed here with you, we got a lot closer during that time. It might’ve been all about Matt and the baby at first, but that’s irrelevant—we got real close. You and me.”
“As close as brother and sister?” she asked him softly, hopeful about what could be coming.
“A lot closer than that, Vanni. At least in my mind. Then I went back to Grants Pass and not that much had changed there. I had changed, boy had I changed, but things back home were…”
“The same?” she asked. And she thought, there’s a woman in Grants Pass. Someone who had perhaps become important to him. “That woman you went out with a couple of times—when did you meet her?”
“Why?” he asked, perplexed.
“When?”
“God,” he said, rubbing his sweaty palms on his jeans. “I don’t know. About a year ago, I guess.”
“A year ago? Jesus, Paul. Why didn’t you just tell me!”
“Tell you what?”
“There’s a woman! All this time, there’s been a woman!”
“No. No. There was just this woman I saw a couple of times and…”
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