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Diana Palmer Texan Lovers: Calhoun / Justin / Tyler / Sutton's Way / Ethan / Connal
Diana Palmer
DIANA PALMER’S TEXAN LOVERS 1-6The first six books of bestselling romance author Diana Palmer’s fantastic Long, Tall Texan’s series.CALHOUNAbby Clark may have been just a girl when she came to live with Calhoun Ballenger and his brother, but she had long since grown up and it was time Calhoun realised it. So she devised a plan to capture his attention.JUSTINSweet dreams had been all that lovely Shelby Jacobs had ever given Justin Ballenger. He'd loved her, wanted to marry her…and his sweet dreams had blown away. He vowed never again to be vulnerable to his beautiful Texas rose.TYLERWith only a quick glance at Nell Regan, a man might miss the beauty in the shy face, or the sexy figure hidden beneath the shapeless clothes. Then Tyler Jacobs arrived…a man who knew what it was like to be alone and yearned to kiss away the pain he saw in Nell's eyes. SUTTON’S WAYWyoming rancher and single father Quinn Sutton is raising a child he knows isn't his own. All the love left in his guarded heart goes to the boy. But when a beautiful city woman is stranded nearby in a blizzard, he rescues her and brings her to Ricochet Ranch.ETHANArabella Craig had been eighteen when Ethan Hardeman had opened her eyes to passion…and then married another woman. Four years later, tragedy brought Ethan back into her life. But Arabella was determined not to let this Texan escape her again…CONNALPenelope Mathews had spent her entire adolescence worshipping C. C. Tremayne. Until one night, trying to protect the mysterious loner from landing in jail after he had drunk too much, Pepi sought refuge in a wedding chapel—and wound up emerging as Mrs Connal Cade Tremayne!Look out for more of Diana Palmer’s fabulous Texans coming soon in e book.
Diana Palmer Texan Lovers
Calhoun
Justin
Tyler
Sutton’s Way
Ethan
Connal
Diana Palmer
www.millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk)
Table of Contents
Cover (#u65a764c4-7f26-5f1e-bdf4-8cf79d1547d4)
Title Page (#u0a03028a-b82a-5ab8-9912-58179974d7f6)
Calhoun
Letter to Reader (#u76b4862e-ff45-5abb-81a8-34d27e1bd95b)
Dedication (#ub53cf4c3-9ddc-5953-af5b-c8dde5149790)
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Justin
Back Cover Text (#u97bf3952-6a77-50e3-a3b7-7da9ce064955)
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Tyler
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Extract (#litres_trial_promo)
Sutton’s Way
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Ethan
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Connal
Letter to Reader
About the Author (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Copyright (#litres_trial_promo)
Calhoun (#u541de333-9504-5525-9a5d-f86cb82825f9)
Dear Readers (#u541de333-9504-5525-9a5d-f86cb82825f9),
It delights me to see my original three LONG, TALL TEXANS in print again. When I began the series, I had no idea that it would become so popular. Since these heroes and heroines are among my own favorites, it is a special pleasure to see them all together in one book.
In answer to many requests, yes, there will be future books in this series! Thank you all for your response to the LONG, TALL TEXANS, and for your kindness to me over the years.
Your friend,
To Mary Wheeler at Micro Pro—thanks a million!
Chapter One (#u541de333-9504-5525-9a5d-f86cb82825f9)
Abby couldn’t help looking over her shoulder from time to time as she stood in line at the theater ticket counter. She’d escaped by telling Justin that she was going to see an art exhibit. Calhoun, thank God, was off somewhere buying more cattle, although he was certain to be home later this evening. When he found out where his ward had been, he’d be furious. She almost grinned at her own craftiness.
Well, it took craftiness to deal with Calhoun Ballenger. He and Justin, his older brother, had taken Abby in when she’d been just fifteen. They would have been her stepbrothers, except that an untimely car accident had killed their father and Abby’s mother just two days before the couple were to have gotten married. There hadn’t been any other family, so Calhoun had proposed that he and Justin assume responsibility for the heartbroken teenager, Abigail Clark. And they did. It was legal, of course; technically Abby was Calhoun’s ward. The problem was that she couldn’t make Calhoun realize that she was a woman.
Abby sighed. That was a problem, all right. And to make it even worse, he’d gone crazy on the subject of protecting her from the world. For the past four months it had been a major ordeal just to go out on a date. The way he stood watch over her was getting almost comical. Justin rarely smiled, but Calhoun’s antics brought him close to it.
Calhoun’s attitude didn’t amuse Abby, though. She was desperately in love with Calhoun, but the big blond man still looked upon her as a child. And despite her frequent attempts to show Calhoun that she was a woman, she couldn’t seem to get through his armor.
She shifted restlessly. She had no idea of how to attract a man like Calhoun in the first place. He wasn’t as much of a rounder now as he had been in his youth, but she knew that he was frequently seen in nightclubs in San Antonio with one sophisticated beauty or another. And here was Abby, dying of love for him. She wasn’t sophisticated or beautiful. She was a rather plain country girl, not the sort to immediately draw men’s eyes, even though her figure was better than average.
After brooding over the problem, she had come up with a solution. If she could manage to get sophisticated, he might notice her. Going to a strip show wasn’t exactly the best first step, but in Jacobsville it was a good start. Just being seen here would show Calhoun that she wasn’t the little prude he thought she was. When he found out about it—and eventually he would hear she’d attended the show.
Abby smoothed the waistline of her pretty gray plaid skirt. She was wearing a pale yellow blouse with it, and her long, wavy brown hair was in a neat chignon. Her hair, when it was loose, was one of her best assets. It was thick and silky. And her eyes weren’t bad. They were big, quiet grayish-blue eyes, and she was blessed with a peaches-and-cream complexion and a perfect bow of a mouth. But without careful makeup she was hopelessly plain. Her breasts were bigger than she wanted them to be, her legs longer than she would have liked. She had friends who were small and dainty, and they made her feel like a beanpole. She glanced down at herself miserably. If only she were petite and exquisitely beautiful.
At least she did look older and more sophisticated than usual in her burgundy velour jacket, and her blue-gray eyes sparkled as she thought about what she was doing. Well, it wasn’t so bad for a woman to go to a male dance revue, was it? She had to get educated somehow, and God knew Calhoun wasn’t about to let her date any men who knew the score. He saw to it that her only escorts were boys her own age, and he screened every one and made casual remarks about how often he cleaned his guns and what he thought about “fooling around before marriage.” It wasn’t really surprising to Abby that few of her dates came back.
She shivered a little in the cold night air. It was February, and cold even in south Texas. As she huddled in her jacket, she smiled at another young woman shivering in the long line outside the Grand Theater. It was the only theater in Jacobsville, and there had been some opposition to having this kind of entertainment come to town. But in the end there had been surprisingly few complaints, and there was a long line of women waiting to see if these men lived up to the publicity.
Wouldn’t Calhoun just die when he found out what she’d done? She grinned. His blonde-streaked brown hair would stand on end, and his dark eyes would glare at her furiously. Justin would do what he always did—he’d go out and dig postholes while Calhoun wound down. The two brothers looked a lot alike, except that Justin’s hair was almost black. They both had dark eyes, and they were both tall, muscular men. Calhoun was by far the handsomer of the two. Justin had a craggy face and a reticent personality, and although he was courteous to women, he never dated anybody. Almost everybody knew why—Shelby Jacobs had thrown him over years ago, refusing to marry him.
That had been when the Ballengers had still been poor, before Justin’s business sense and Calhoun’s feel for marketing had skyrocketed them to success with a mammoth feedlot operation here in south Texas. Shelby’s family was rich, and rumor had it that she thought Justin was beneath her. It had certainly made him bitter. Funny, she mused, Shelby seemed like such a wonderful woman. And her brother, Tyler, was nice, too.
Two more ladies got their tickets, and Abby dug out a ten-dollar bill. Just as she got to the ticket counter, though, her wrist was suddenly seized and she was pulled unceremoniously to one side.
“I thought I recognized that jacket,” Calhoun murmured, glaring down at her with eyes that were dark and faintly glittering. “What a good thing I decided to come home through town. Where’s my brother?” he added for good measure. “Does he know where you are?”
“I told him I was going to an art exhibit,” Abby replied with a touch of her irrepressible humor. Her blue-gray eyes twinkled up at him, and she felt the warm glow she always felt when Calhoun came close. Even when he was angry, it was so good to be near him. “Well, it is an art exhibit, sort of,” she argued when he looked skeptical. “Except that the male statues are alive…”
“My God.” He stared at the line of amused women and abruptly turned toward his white Jaguar, tugging at her wrist. “Let’s go.”
“I’m not going home,” she said firmly, struggling. It was exciting to challenge him. “I’m going to buy my ticket and go in there—Calhoun!” she wailed as he ended the argument by simply lifting her in his hard arms and carrying her to the car.
“I can’t even leave the state for one day without you doing something insane,” Calhoun muttered in his deep, gravelly voice. “The last time I went off on business, I came home to find you about to leave for Lake Tahoe with that Misty Davies.”
“Congratulations. You saved me from a weekend of skiing,” Abby murmured dryly. Not for the world would she have admitted how exciting it was to have him carry her, to feel his strength at such close quarters. He was as strong as he looked, and the subtle scents of his body and the warmth of his breath on her face made her body tingle in new and exciting ways.
“There were two college boys all set to go along, as I remember,” he reminded her.
“What am I supposed to do with my car?” she demanded. “Leave it here?”
“Why not? God knows nobody would be stupid enough to steal it,” he replied easily, and kept walking, her slight weight soft and disturbing in his hard arms.
“It’s a very nice little car,” she protested, talking more than usual because the feel of his chest was unnerving her. His clean-shaven chin was just above her, and she was getting drunk on the feel of him.
“Which you wouldn’t have if I’d gone with you instead of Justin,” he returned. “Honest to God, he spoils you rotten. He should have married Shelby and had kids of his own to ruin. I hate having him practice on you. That damned little sports car isn’t safe.”
“It’s mine, I like it, I’m making the payments and I’m keeping it,” she said shortly.
He looked down at her, his dark eyes much too close to hers. “Aren’t we brave, though?” he taunted softly, deliberately letting his gaze fall on her mouth.
She could barely breathe, but he wasn’t going to make her back down. Not that way. She didn’t dare let him see the effect he had on her. “I’m almost twenty-one,” she reminded him. He looked into her eyes, and she felt the impact of his glance like a body blow. It made her feel like a lead weight. And there was a sudden tautness about his body that puzzled her. For seconds that strung out like hours, he searched her eyes. Then abruptly he moved again.
“So you keep telling me,” he replied curtly. “And then you go and do something stupid like this.”
“There’s nothing wrong with being sophisticated,” she mumbled. “God knows how I’ll ever get an education. You seem to want me to spend the rest of my life a virgin.”
“Hang out in this kind of atmosphere and you won’t stay in that sainted condition for much longer,” he returned angrily. She disturbed him when she made such statements. She had been talking like that for months, and he was no nearer a solution to the problem than he had been at the beginning. He quickened his pace toward the car, his booted feet making loud, angry thuds on the pavement.
Calhoun was still wearing a dark suit, Abby noticed. His thick dark-blond hair was covered by his cream dress Stetson. He smelled of Oriental cologne, and his dark face was clean-shaven. He was a handsome brute, Abby thought. Sexy and overpoweringly masculine, and she loved every line of him, every scowl, every rugged inch. She forced her screaming nerves not to give her away and attempted to hide her attraction to him, as usual, with humor.
“Aren’t we in a temper, though?” she taunted softly, and his dark expression hardened. It was exciting to make him mad. She’d only realized that in the past few weeks, but more and more she liked to prod him, to see his explosive reactions. She loved the touch of his hands, and provoking him had become addictive. “I’m a big girl. I graduated from the trade school last year. I have a diploma. I’m a secretary. I’m working for Mr. Bundy at the feedlot sales office—”
“I remember. I paid for the trade school courses and got you the damned job,” he said tersely.
“You sure did, Calhoun,” she agreed, her mischievous gaze darting up at him as he opened the passenger door of the vehicle and put her on the smooth leather seat, slamming the door once she was settled. He went around the gleaming hood and got in under the steering wheel. There was muted violence in the way he started the powerful white car, shot away from the curb and drove down the main town’s street.
“Abby, I can’t believe you really wanted to pay money to watch a bunch of boys take their clothes off,” he muttered.
“It beats having boys try to take mine off,” she returned humorously. “You must think so, too, because you go nuts if I try to date anybody with any experience.”
He frowned. That was true. It upset him to think of any man taking advantage of Abby. He didn’t want other men touching her.
“I’d beat a man to his knees for trying to undress you, and that’s a fact,” he said.
“My poor future husband,” she sighed. “I can see him now, calling the police on our wedding night…”
“You’re years too young to talk about getting married,” he said.
“I’ll be twenty-one in three months. My mother was twenty-one when she had me,” she reminded him.
“I’m thirty-two, and I’ve never been married,” he replied. “There’s plenty of time. You don’t need to rush into marriage before you’ve had time to see something of the world,” he said firmly.
“How can I?” she asked reasonably. “You won’t let me.”
He glared at her. “It’s the part of life that you’re trying to see that bothers me. Male strip shows. My God.”
“They weren’t going to take all their clothes off,” she assured him. “Just most of them.”
“Why did you decide to go tonight?”
“I didn’t have anything else to do,” she sighed. “And Misty had been to see this show.”
“Misty Davies,” he muttered. “I’ve told you I don’t approve of your friendship with that flighty heiress. She’s years older than you and much more sophisticated.”
“No wonder,” she replied. “She doesn’t have an overbearing guardian who’s determined to save her from herself.”
“She could have used one. A woman who treats her body cheaply doesn’t invite a wedding ring.”
“So you keep saying. At least Misty won’t faint of shock on her wedding night when her husband takes his clothes off. I’ve never seen a man without a stitch on. Except in this magazine that Misty had—” she began, warming to her subject.
“For God’s sake, you shouldn’t be reading that kind of magazine!” He looked outraged.
Her eyebrows went up suddenly, and her eyes were as round as saucers. “Why not?”
He searched for words. “Well…because!”
“Men ogle women in those kind of magazines,” she said reasonably. “If we can be exploited, why can’t men?”
He finally gave in to ill temper. “Why can’t you just shut up, Abby?”
“Okay, Calhoun, I’ll do that very thing,” she agreed. She studied his hard, angry profile, and almost smiled at the way she’d gotten him ruffled. He might not be in love with her, but she certainly did have a knack for getting his attention.
“All this sudden fascination with male nudity,” he grumbled, glaring at her. “I don’t know what’s gotten into you.”
“Frustration,” she replied. “It comes from too many nights sitting home alone.”
“I’ve never tried to stop you from dating,” he said defensively.
“Oh, no, of course you haven’t. You just sit with my prospective dates and make a big deal of cleaning your gun collection while you air your archaic views on premarital sex!”
“They’re not archaic,” he said curtly. “A lot of men feel the way I do about it.”
“Do tell?” She lifted her eyebrow. “And I suppose that means that you’re a virgin, too, Calhoun?”
His dark eyes cut sideways at her. “Do you think so, Abby?” he asked, in a tone she’d never heard him use.
She suddenly felt very young. The huskiness in his deep voice, added to the faint arrogance in his dark eyes, made her feel foolish for even having asked. Of course he wasn’t a virgin.
She averted her eyes. “Foolish question,” she murmured softly.
“Wasn’t it, though?” He pressed on the accelerator. For some reason, it bothered him to have Abby know what his private life was like. She probably knew more than he’d given her credit for, especially if she was hanging around with Misty Davies. Misty frequented the same kind of city hot spots that Calhoun did, and she’d seen him with one or two of his occasional companions. He hoped Misty hadn’t talked to Abby about what she’d seen, but he couldn’t count on it.
His sudden withdrawal puzzled Abby. She didn’t like the cold silence that was growing between them any more than she liked thinking about his women. “How did you know where I was?” she asked to break the rigid silence.
“I didn’t, honey,” he confessed. The endearment sounded so natural coming from him that she’d never minded him using it, though she disliked its artificiality when other men did. “I happened to come home through Jacobsville. And who should I see in line—in front of all the lurid posters—but you?”
She sighed. “Fate. Fate is out to get me.”
“Fate may not be the only one,” he returned, but his voice was so low that she couldn’t hear.
He turned onto the road that led past the feedlot to the big Spanish house where the Ballengers lived. On the way they passed the Jacobs’s colonial-style house, far off the road at the end of a paved driveway, with purebred Arabian horses grazing in sprawling pastures dotted with oak trees. There wasn’t much grass—the weather was still cold, and a few snow flurries had caused excitement the day before. Big bales of hay were placed around the property to give the horses adequate feed, supplemented with blocks of vitamins and minerals.
“I hear the Jacobses are having financial problems,” Abby remarked absently.
He glanced at her. “Since the old man died last summer, they’re close to bankrupt, in fact Tyler’s borrowed all he can borrow. If he can’t pull it together now, he never will. The old man made deals Ty didn’t even know about. If he loses that place, it’s going to be damned hard on his pride.”
“Hard on Shelby’s, too,” she remarked.
He grimaced. “For God’s sake, don’t mention Shelby around Justin.”
“I wouldn’t dare. He gets funny, doesn’t he?”
“I wouldn’t call throwing punches at people funny.”
“I’ve seen you throw punches a time or two,” she reminded him, recalling one particular day not too long before when one of the new cowhands had beaten a horse. Calhoun had knocked the man to his knees and fired him on the spot, his voice so cold and quiet that it had cut to the bone. Calhoun didn’t have to raise his voice. Like Justin, when Calhoun lost his temper he had a look that made words unnecessary.
He was an odd mixture, she thought, studying him. So tenderhearted that he’d go off for half a day by himself if he had to put down a calf or if something happened to one of his men. And so hotheaded at times that the men would actually hide from his anger. In temperament, he was like Justin. They were both strong, fiery men, but underneath there was a tenderness, a vulnerability, that very few people ever saw. Abby, because she’d lived with them for so many years, knew them better than any outsider ever could.
“How did you get back so fast?” she asked to break the silence.
He shrugged. “I guess I’ve got radar,” he murmured, smiling faintly. “I had a feeling you wouldn’t be sitting at home with Justin watching old war movies on the VCR.”
“I didn’t think you’d be back before morning.”
“So you decided you’d go watch a lot of muscle men strip off and wiggle on the stage.”
“Heaven knows I tried.” She sighed theatrically. “Now I’ll die ignorant, thanks to you.”
“Damn it all,” he laughed, taken aback by her reactions. She made him laugh more than any woman he’d ever known. And lately he’d found himself thinking about her more than he should. Maybe it was just his age, he thought. He’d been alone a long time, and a woman here and there didn’t really satisfy him. But Abby wasn’t fair game. She was a marrying girl, and he’d better remember that. No way could he seduce her for pleasure, so he had to keep the fires banked down. If he could.
Justin was in his study when they got back, frowning darkly over some figures in his books. When he looked up, his craggy face was devoid of expression, but his dark eyes twinkled when he glanced from Calhoun’s irritated expression to Abby’s furious one.
“How was the art show?” he asked her.
“It wasn’t an art show,” Calhoun said flatly, tossing his Stetson onto the coffee table. “It was a male strip show.”
Justin’s pencil stopped in midair as he stared at Abby. His shock was a little embarrassing, because Justin was even more old-fashioned and reactionary than Calhoun about such things. He wouldn’t even talk about anything intimate in mixed company.
“A what?” Justin asked.
“A male revue,” Abby countered, glaring at Calhoun. “It’s a kind of…variety show.”
“Hell,” Calhoun retorted, his dark eyes flashing. “It’s a strip show!”
“Abby!” Justin scolded.
“I’m almost twenty-one,” she told him. “I have a responsible job. I drive a car. I’m old enough to marry and have children. If I want to go and see a male variety show—” she ignored Calhoun’s instantly inserted “strip show” “—I have every right.”
Justin laid his pencil down and lit a cigarette. Calhoun glared at him, and so did Abby, but he ignored them. The only concession he made to their disapproval was to turn on one of the eight smokeless ashtrays they’d bought him for Christmas.
“That sounds like a declaration of war,” Justin remarked.
Abby lifted her chin. “That’s what it is.” She turned to Calhoun. “If you don’t stop embarrassing me in front of the whole world, I’ll move in with Misty Davies.”
Calhoun’s good intentions went up in smoke. “Like hell you will,” he countered. “You’re not living with that woman!”
“I’ll live with her if I want to!”
“If you two would…” Justin began calmly.
“Over my dead body!” Calhoun raged, moving closer. “She has parties that last for days!”
“…just try to communicate…” Justin continued.
“She likes people! She’s a socialite!” Abby’s eyes were almost black now as she clenched her fists by her side and glared up at Calhoun.
“…you just might…” Justin went on.
“She’s a featherbrained, overstimulated eccentric!” Calhoun retorted.
“…COME TO AN UNDERSTANDING!” Justin thundered, rising out of his chair with blazing eyes.
They both froze at the unfamiliar sound of his raised voice. He never shouted, not even when he was at his angriest.
“Damn, I hurt my ears,” Justin sighed, putting his palm to one while he glared at his brother and Abby. “Now, listen, this isn’t getting you anywhere. Besides that, any minute Maria and Lopez are going to come running in here thinking someone’s been murdered.” Just as he finished speaking, two robed, worried elderly people appeared, wide-eyed and apprehensive, in the doorway. “Now see what you’ve done,” Justin grumbled.
“What is all this noise about?” Maria asked, pushing back her long salt-and-pepper hair and glancing worriedly around the room. “We thought something terrible had happened.”
“¡Ay de mí! Another rumble.” Lopez shook his head and grinned at Abby. “What have you done now, niñita?”
She glared at him. “Nothing,” she said tersely. “Not one thing—”
“She went to a male strip show,” Calhoun volunteered.
“I did not!” she protested, red faced.
“What is the world coming to?” Maria shook her head, put her hands to it and went out mumbling in Spanish, followed by a chuckling Lopez. The couple, married more than thirty years, had been with the family for two generations. They were family, not just cook and former horse wrangler.
“But, I didn’t!” Abby called after them. She darted a speaking glance at Calhoun, who was perched on a corner of Justin’s desk looking elegant and imperturbable. “Now see what you’ve done!”
“Me?” Calhoun asked coolly. “Hell, you’re the one with the lurid curiosity.”
“Lurid?” She gaped at him. “Go ahead, tell me you’ve never been to a female strip show.”
Calhoun got up, looking uncomfortable. “That’s different.”
“Oh, sure it is. Women are sex objects but men aren’t, right?”
“She’s got you there,” Justin said.
Calhoun glared at both of them, turned on his heel and left the room. Abby gazed after him smugly, feeling as if she’d won at least a minor victory. There was little consolation in her triumph, though. Calhoun had been harder to get along with than a bone-dry snake at a poison water hole lately. She didn’t know how or what, but she was going to have to do something about the situation, and soon.
Chapter Two (#u541de333-9504-5525-9a5d-f86cb82825f9)
Abby arranged to miss breakfast the next morning. Calhoun’s attitude irritated her. He didn’t want her himself, but he was so possessive that she couldn’t get near another man. His attitude was frustrating at best. He had no idea how she felt, of course. She was careful to hide her feelings for him. A man like Calhoun, who was rich and moderately handsome, could have any woman he wanted. He wouldn’t want a plain, unsophisticated woman like Abby. She knew that, and it hurt. It made her rebellious, too. She didn’t want to spend the rest of her life grieving for a man she could never have. It was far better to look in other directions. But how could she, when Calhoun refused to let go?
She drove several miles from the ranch to the office at the mammoth feedlot in the small red British sports car she’d talked Justin into cosigning for when she’d graduated from the local vocational school. Because of the attention Calhoun and Justin paid to hygiene, there wasn’t as much odor as most feedlots generated, which surprised a lot of visiting cattlemen. Abby had once gone with Calhoun to tour some other feedlots and had come out with a new respect for the one back home. The Ballenger brothers’ operation was a little more expensive to run, but there were hardly any cattle deaths here because of disease. And that was a prime consideration. A rancher who contracted with the feedlot to fatten his cattle for slaughter didn’t want to lose the animals to disease.
Since Abby was early, the office was deserted. There were three other women who worked here, all married, and they helped keep records on the various herds of feeder cattle being fattened for ranches all over the country. There were contracts to sort and file, records on each lot of cattle to keep, and ongoing vaccination and management reports. There was the constant hum of the heavy equipment used to feed the cattle and to remove waste to underground storage to be used later to fertilize pastures where grain was grown. The phones rang constantly and the computers had to be programmed. There was a payroll department, as well as a salesman, a staff veterinarian and a number of cowboys who moved cattle in and out and saw to feeding them and maintaining the machinery that kept it all going. Abby hadn’t realized until she’d come to work here how big the operation was.
The sheer size of it was staggering, even for Texas. Fenced areas filled with steers stretched to the horizon, and the dust was formidable, as was the smell, which was inevitable even when sanitary management practices were employed.
The Ballengers didn’t own a packing plant—that wasn’t legal, just as it wasn’t legal for packers to own custom feedlots. But the brothers did own a third of their feeder cattle, and the other two-thirds were custom fed. Abby had grown up hearing terms like profit margin, break-even prices and ration formulation. Now she understood what the words meant.
She put her purse under her desk and turned on her computer. There were several new contracts waiting to be filled in for new lots of four-footed customers.
The feedlot took in feeder cattle weighing six hundred to seven hundred pounds and fed them up to their slaughter weight of one thousand to eleven hundred pounds. The Ballengers had a resident nutritionist and an experienced stockman who handled the twice-daily feeding routine with its highly automated machinery. They had the feeding down to such a fine art that the Ballenger operation was included in the top five percent of feedlots nationally. And that was a real honor, considering all the things that could go wrong, from falling cattle prices to unexpected epidemics to drought.
Abby was fascinated by the workings of it all. There were thousands of bawling steers and heifers out there. There were always big cattle trucks coming and going and men yelling and herding and vaccinating and dehorning, and the noise could get deafening despite the soundproofed office walls. Visiting cattlemen came to see their investments. Those who didn’t come were sent monthly progress reports. Daily records were kept on everything.
Abby fed the first contract into her electronic typewriter, trying to decipher the spidery scrawl of Caudell Ayker, the feedlot office manager. He was second only to Calhoun in the chain of command, because Calhoun’s name went in as manager. He and Justin owned the feedlot jointly, but Justin held the lion’s share of the stock. Justin preferred money management to meeting with clients, so Calhoun did most of the day-to-day management on the feedlot. That was one reason Abby loved the job. It meant she got to see a lot of Calhoun.
When Calhoun walked in the door in a dashing pale tan suit, Abby hit the wrong key, covering the contract with a flock of Xs. She grimaced, backspacing to correct her mistake, and then discovered that she couldn’t do it. The correction was too little, too late. Irritated, she ripped the paper out of the machine, put a clean sheet in and started all over again.
“Having problems this morning, honey?” Calhoun asked with his usual cheerful smile, despite the way they’d parted in anger the night before. He never carried grudges. It was one of his virtues.
“Just the usual frustrations, boss,” she answered with a blithe smile.
He searched her eyes. They had such a peculiar light in them lately. He found her more and more disturbing, especially when she wore close-fitting suits like the blue one she had on today. It clung lovingly to every line of her tall, slender body, outlining the thrust of her high breasts, the smooth curve of her hips. He took a slow breath, trying to hide his growing attraction to her. It was odd how she’d managed to get under his skin so easily.
“You look nice,” he said unexpectedly.
She felt color blush her cheeks, and she smiled. “Thank you.”
He hesitated without knowing why, his dark eyes caressing her face, her mouth. “I don’t like your hair like that,” he added quietly. “I like it long and loose.”
She was having a hard time breathing. Her eyes worked up his broad chest to his face and were trapped by his steady gaze. Like electricity, something burst between them, linking them, until she had to drag her eyes down again. Her legs actually trembled.
“I’d better get back to work,” she said unsteadily, fiddling with the paper.
“We both had,” he replied. He turned and walked into his office without knowing how he got there. Once inside, he sat down behind his big oak desk and stared through the open door at Abby until the buzz of the intercom reminded him of the day’s business.
Things went smoothly for a little while, but it was too much to expect that the serenity would last. Just before lunch, one of the cattlemen who had feeder steers in the lot came by to check on them and got an eyeful of Abby.
“You sure are a pretty little thing,” the man said, grinning down at the picture she made in her neat blue knit suit and white blouse with her hair in a French twist and a minimum of makeup on her pretty face. He was about Calhoun’s age.
She flushed. The man wasn’t as handsome as Calhoun, but he was pleasant-looking and he seemed harmless. “Thank you,” she said demurely, and smiled at him, just as she smiled at other customers. But he took it as an invitation.
He sat down on the corner of her desk, giving her a purely masculine scrutiny with his pale blue eyes. “I’m Greg Myers,” he introduced himself. “I just stopped in on my way to Oklahoma City, and I thought I’d take Calhoun to lunch if he’s in. But I think I’d rather take you instead.” He lowered his voice, then reached out unexpectedly and touched Abby’s cheek, ignoring her indrawn breath. “You pretty little thing. You look like a tea rose, ripe for the picking.”
Abby just gaped at him. All her reading and imagining hadn’t prepared her for this kind of flirtation with an experienced man. She was out of her depth and frankly stunned.
“Come on, now,” Myers drawled, caressing her cheek. “Say you will. We’ll have a nice long lunch and get to know each other.”
While Abby was searching for the right words to extricate herself from the unwelcome situation, Calhoun came out of his office and stood directly behind Mr. Myers, looking suddenly murderous.
“I’m afraid you’ll have to settle for me,” Calhoun said tersely. “Abby’s my ward, and she doesn’t date older men.”
“Oops.” Myers stood up, grinning sheepishly. “Sorry, old son, I didn’t know.”
“No harm done,” Calhoun said carelessly, but his eyes were dark and cold and dangerous-looking. “Let’s go. Abby, I’ll want the latest progress report on his cattle when we get back.”
Only a few months before, Abby might have had some snappy reply to that, or she might have jumped back at Calhoun for acting so possessive. But now she just looked at him, feeling helpless and hungry and awash on a wave of longing because he was acting jealous.
He seemed to stop breathing, too. His dark eyes searched hers, aware of her embarrassment, her confusion. He let his gaze fall to her mouth and watched her lips part suddenly, and his body reacted in a way that shocked him.
“Lunch. Now.” Calhoun ushered the other cattleman to the door. “If you’ll get in the car, I’ll just get my hat and be right with you,” he told the man with a glued-on smile and a pat on the shoulder. “That’s right, you go ahead….” He turned to Abby, his expression unreadable. “I want to talk to you.” Calhoun took her arm and pulled her up, leading her into his office without a word. He closed the door, and the way he looked at her made her feel threatened and wildly excited all at the same time.
“Mr. Myers is waiting….” she faltered, disturbed by the darkness of his eyes as they met hers.
He moved toward her, and she backed up until his desk stopped her, her eyes riveted to his. Maybe he was going to make a declaration!
His chin lifted then, and it was anger that glinted in his dark eyes, not possessiveness. “Listen,” he said curtly, “Grey Myers has had three wives. He currently has at least one mistress. He’s forgotten more than you’ve had time to learn. I don’t want you to learn that kind of lesson with a professional Romeo.”
“I’m going to learn it with someone eventually,” she said, swallowing hard. Her body felt odd, taut and tingling all at once, because his was close enough that she could feel its warm strength.
“I know that,” he said impatiently, and his face hardened. “But I’d just as soon you didn’t join a queue. Myers is no serious suitor. He’s a playboy with a smooth manner, and he’d have you screaming for help five minutes after you were alone with him.”
So that was it. More big-brother responsibility. He wasn’t jealous, he was upset because his protective instincts had been aroused. She stared at the steady rise and fall of his chest in dull acceptance. Stupid me, she thought miserably, wishing for a star again.
“I wasn’t trying to lead him on,” she said finally. “I just smiled at him, like I smile at everyone—even you. I guess he thought I was sending out smoke signals, but I wasn’t, honestly.”
His face relaxed. “No harm done.” And then he moved. One long, powerful arm slid behind her, bringing his lips within an inch of hers. She almost moaned at the minty warmth of his breath on her mouth. Her gaze dropped to his mouth, curiously tracing every hard line of the thin upper lip and the more chiseled lower one. Her heart throbbed. Her breath seemed to stop altogether, and for one long instant she felt the full weight of his chest against her soft breasts in a contact that was shocking. She looked up at him with wide, stunned eyes.
Then he moved back, the hat he’d been reaching for in one hand, his eyes frankly amused at the look on her face. So she’d never thought of him that way, had she? It irritated him to think that she didn’t feel the new and very unwelcome attraction he was discovering for her. It was just as well that he had a business function tonight; it would keep his overimaginative brain away from Abby.
“Were you expecting something?” he asked coldly. “I just wanted my hat.” He watched a shadow pass across her eyes before she mumbled something and lowered her gaze. He put his Stetson on his thick blonde-streaked hair and tilted it over one eye. “I hired you to work here, not to send out signals, intentional or otherwise, to clients.”
“I hate you,” she said suddenly, sick of his accusations and his hateful remarks.
“Sure you do. What else is new?” He tapped her chin with a long finger. “Get busy.”
While she was still struggling with her composure he opened the door and went out without a backward glance.
Abby hardly got anything done for the next hour. She couldn’t remember a time when she’d felt so turned around, so confused. She was sure she hated Calhoun, but in an hour he’d be back, smiling, and then she’d forgive him. That was what made her so miserable, the knowledge that he could commit murder and she’d still love him. Damn this hateful attraction!
She took a half-hour break and went to the canteen and had a sandwich that she didn’t taste. She was barely back at her desk when Mr. Myers returned—with Justin instead of Calhoun.
She handed the progress reports to Justin, who herded Mr. Myers into his brother’s office, kept him there a scant ten minutes and then herded him out again. Abby kept her head down and didn’t even say hello. That was just as well, because Mr. Myers didn’t look in her direction.
Justin gave Abby a curious look afterward. “That’s unusual,” he remarked. “Calhoun called me out of a board meeting to have lunch and talk over that contract with Myers. Then he waltzed off and left me there. What’s going on?”
Abby cleared her throat. “Why, Justin, I have no idea,” she said, even managing a smile. Justin lifted an eyebrow, shrugged and went back into Calhoun’s office without another word. Abby stared after him, curious herself about Calhoun’s behavior. Then it occurred to her that maybe he just didn’t like Greg Myers, which led to the unpalatable thought that perhaps they’d fallen out over a woman. Maybe one of Myers’s mistresses…She turned back to her typewriter. She hated even thinking about that side of Calhoun’s life.
Justin was quiet for the rest of the afternoon, but he had plenty to say when Calhoun came in just before quitting time. The door was half-open, and Abby, who was the last of the office group to leave, got an earful as she was straightening up her desk.
“This has got to stop,” Justin was telling his brother. “One of the office girls told me that Myers got friendly with Abby just before you cleared out. It’s gotten to the point that Abby can’t even smile at a man without having you come down on her head like Judgment. She’s almost twenty-one. It isn’t fair to expect her to live like a recluse.”
“I wasn’t,” Calhoun said curtly. “I just warned her off him. My God, you know his reputation!”
“Abby’s no fool,” came the reply. “She’s a levelheaded person.”
“Sure, she’s proved that,” Calhoun said with biting sarcasm. “Going to a strip show—”
“It was not!” Abby called through the open door. “It was a male variety show.”
“My God, she’s standing out there listening!” Calhoun jerked the door all the way open, glaring at her. “Stop eavesdropping! It isn’t polite!”
“Stop talking about me behind my back, then,” she returned, picking up her purse. “I wouldn’t have gone out with a man like Grey Myers even to spite you, Calhoun. I know a line when I hear one.”
Calhoun glared at her. “I’m not sure it’s a good idea, your working here.”
Her eyebrows went up. “Really? Why?”
“The place is full of men,” Calhoun muttered, and Justin had to smother a grin.
Abby lifted her eyebrows and smiled. “Why, so it is,” she gushed. “Lovely, unshaven men who smell of cattle and cow chips. Sooo romantic,” she sighed.
Justin had turned away. Calhoun’s dark eyes were glittering.
“Myers didn’t smell of cow chips,” he reminded her.
She arched her eyebrows at him. “How interesting that you noticed,” she said in a theatrical whisper.
He looked as if he might throw something at her. “Will you cut that out?” he muttered.
She sighed. “Suit yourself. I was just trying to help. God forbid that I should be seduced by some strange, sweet-smelling man.”
“Go home!” Calhoun roared.
“My, my, what a nasty temper we’re in,” she said demurely. She reached for her purse, glancing back at him. “I’ll have Maria make you a nice bowl of razor-blade soup, just to keep your tongue sharp.”
“I won’t be home for supper, thank God,” Calhoun said coldly. “I’ve got a date,” he added, for no other reason than to irritate her. He didn’t like the idea of her knowing how much Myers’s flirting had upset him. He didn’t want her to know that he’d been so violently jealous that he couldn’t even trust himself to have lunch with the man and had had to call Justin to intervene.
But Abby didn’t know that, and she was sure that it was just Calhoun being overprotective as usual. It hurt her to hear about where he was going. Abby felt as if she were being choked to death. If only she were beautiful and blond, if only she could cope! But she managed to hide her emptiness. “That’s great, Calhoun, you just enjoy yourself while I sit home alone. I’ll never get a date as long as you’re two steps behind me.”
“Dream on,” Calhoun told her. “Hell will freeze over before you’d go out with a man like that.”
“There’s a little town called Hell, you know,” Abby told him. “It does snow there….”
“If I were you I’d go home, Abby,” Justin said, eyeing his brother. “It’s Friday night. You might find a nice movie to watch. Come to think of it, I just bought a new war movie. You can watch it with me if you want to.”
She smiled. Justin really was nice. “Thanks. I might do that, since my watchdog doesn’t want me out after dark,” she added with a glare at Calhoun. “I’ll bet Elizabeth the First had a guardian just like you!”
Justin caught Calhoun’s arm in the nick of time, and Abby took off running, her heart in her throat. It was odd how Calhoun, usually so easygoing, had turned explosive lately. She did goad him, of course, but she couldn’t help it. Fighting him was the only way she could stay sane and hide her feelings for him. If she ever started batting her eyelashes and sighing over him, he’d probably shoot her off the place like a bullet.
She started her car and drove home, all the fury dying into misery as she left the feedlot behind. What good was pretending? Her heart was broken, because Calhoun was going out with one of his women and she didn’t qualify for that title. She never would. She’d grow old with Calhoun patting her on the head. Once or twice she’d almost thought he felt something for her, that he’d begun to notice her. But if he had, he certainly wouldn’t be running all over the place with other women. And he wouldn’t ignore Abby unless she started a fight or got into trouble. She was his responsibility, of course. His headache. To him she was anything but a warm, attractive woman whom he might love eventually. That she’d never be.
By the time she got to the house, she felt sick all over, but a plan was beginning to form in her mind. If Calhoun thought she was giving in that easily, he was in for a shock. She could have a good time, too, even if she didn’t have a date. By golly, she’d get out and find herself one!
Chapter Three (#u541de333-9504-5525-9a5d-f86cb82825f9)
Abby ate a solitary meal. Justin was called to the phone shortly after they got home, and he told Maria to put his dinner on a tray so he could eat it while he watched the movie he’d bought. Calhoun had come home to change for his date, and Abby had made a beeline for her room and stayed there until after he’d left. She didn’t even care how it looked; she was sick at the thought of Calhoun with some faceless blonde. That was when she knew she had to break out, even if just for the evening.
She hadn’t started out to rebel. But she couldn’t sit home and watch the movie with Justin. She’d never hear a word of it; she’d just brood about Calhoun.
So she got dressed in slacks and a blouse and brushed her hair. Then she called Misty.
“How do you feel about helping me rebel?” she asked the older girl.
Misty laughed huskily. “You’re lucky my date canceled out. Okay. I’m game. What are we rebelling against?”
“Calhoun caught me at the revue last night and dragged me home,” Abby told her. “And today he…Well, never mind, but he set me off again. So tonight I thought I’d like to sample that new dance bar in Jacobsville.”
“Now that is an idea worthy of you, Abby. I’ll pick you up in fifteen minutes.”
“I’ll be ready.”
Abby ran downstairs, giving no thought at all to how Calhoun was going to react to this latest rebellion. Well, he had his woman, damn him. Horrible pictures of his bronzed body in bed with the faceless blonde danced in front of Abby’s eyes. No, she told herself, she wasn’t going to let Calhoun’s actions hurt her like that. She was going to get out and live!
She poked her head into the living room. Cigarette smoke drifted in front of a screen on which men in uniforms were blowing each other up.
“I’m going out with Misty,” she told Justin.
He glanced up from where he was sitting. His long legs were crossed over the coffee table, and he had a snifter of brandy in one hand and a cigarette in the other. “Okay, honey,” he said agreeably. “Stay out of trouble, will you? You and Calhoun are hell on the digestion lately, and he doesn’t seem to need much excuse to go for your throat.”
“I’ll behave. Misty and I are just going to that new dance place. I’ll be good, honest I will. Good night.”
“Good night.”
He went back to the bullets and bombs, and she closed the door with a sigh. Justin was so nice. He never tried to hog-tie her. Now why couldn’t Calhoun be like that? She felt murderous when she considered Calhoun’s possessiveness. She was entitled to a life that didn’t revolve around him. There was just no sense in wearing her heart out on his taciturn indifference. None at all!
Misty came ten minutes later. Thank God, Calhoun didn’t reappear. With a sigh of relief, Abby ran out to Misty’s little sports car, all smiles, her breaking heart carefully concealed from her all-too-perceptive girlfriend.
It was Friday night, and the Jacobsville Dance Palace was booming. It had a live Western band on the weekends, and while it did serve hard liquor, it wasn’t the kind of dive Calhoun had forbidden her to frequent. Not that she cared one whit about his strictures, of course.
Abby glanced apprehensively toward the doorway, across the crowded room where cigar and cigarette smoke made a gray haze under bright lights. The band’s rhythm shook the rafters. Couples danced on the bare wood floor, the men in Western gear, the women in jeans and boots.
“Calhoun won’t know you’re here, I tell you.” Misty laughed softly. “Honestly, it’s ridiculous the way he dogs your footsteps lately.”
“That’s what I keep telling him, but it does no good at all,” Abby replied miserably. “I just want to get out on my own.”
“I’m doing my best,” Misty assured her. “Any day now I’ll have some new apartment prospects for us to look at. I’ve got a real estate agent helping.”
“Good.” Abby sipped her drink, trying not to notice the blatant stare she was getting from the man at the next table. He’d been eyeing her ever since she and Misty had walked in, and he was giving her the willies. He looked about Calhoun’s age, but he lacked Calhoun’s attractive masculinity. This man was dark headed and had a beer belly. He wasn’t much taller than Abby, but what he lacked in height he made up in girth. He had a cowboy hat pulled low over his small eyes, and he was obviously intoxicated.
“He’s staring at me again,” Abby muttered. She lifted her gin and tonic to her lips, wondering at how much better it tasted every time she took a sip. She hated gin, but Misty had convinced her that she couldn’t sit at the table drinking ginger ale.
“Don’t worry,” Misty patted her arm. “He’ll give up and go away. There’s Tyler! Hi, Ty!”
Tyler Jacobs was tall and rangy-looking. He had green eyes and an arrogant smile, and Abby was a little afraid of him. But he didn’t carry his wealth around on his shoulders as some rich men did, and he wasn’t a snob, even though the town of Jacobsville took its name from his grandfather.
“Hello, Misty. Abby.” Tyler pulled out a chair and straddled it. “What are you doing here? Does Calhoun know?” he asked quietly.
Abby shifted restlessly in the chair and raised her glass to her lips again. “I am perfectly capable of drinking a drink if I want to,” she said, enunciating carefully because her tongue suddenly felt thick. “And Calhoun doesn’t own me.”
“Oh, my God,” Tyler sighed. He gave Misty a rueful glance. “Your doing, I gather?”
Misty blinked her long false lashes at Tyler, and her blue eyes twinkled. “I provided transportation, that’s all. Abby is my friend. I’m helping her to rebel.”
“You’ll help get her killed if you aren’t careful. Where’s Calhoun?” he asked Abby.
“Out with one of his harem,” she said with a mocking smile. “Not that I mind, as long as he’s out of my hair for the evening,” she added carelessly.
“He dragged her out of line at the male revue last night at the Jacobsville theater,” Misty explained. “We’re getting even.”
Tyler’s eyes widened. “You tried to see a male strip show? Abby!”
Abby glared at him. “Where else do you expect me to get educated? Calhoun wants me to wear diapers for the rest of my life. He doesn’t think I’m old enough to go on dates or walk across the street alone.”
“You’re like a kid sister to him,” Tyler said, defending his friend. “He doesn’t want you to get hurt.”
“I can get hurt if I like,” Abby grumbled. Her eyes closed. She was feeling worse by the second, but she couldn’t let on. Tyler was as bad as the Ballenger brothers. He’d have her out of here like a shot if he thought she was sick.
“What are you drinking?” Tyler asked, staring at her glass.
“Gin and tonic,” she replied, opening her eyes. “Want some?”
“I don’t drink, honey,” Tyler reminded her with a slow smile. “Well, I’ve got to pick up Shelby at the office. She had to work late tonight. Watch out for Abby, Misty.”
“Of course I will. Sure you won’t stay and dance with me?” Misty asked.
Tyler got up, his eyes worried as they trailed over Abby’s wan face. “Sorry. I don’t usually have to get Shelby, but her car was in the shop today and they didn’t finish with it.”
“Lucky Shelby, to have a brother like you,” Abby mumbled. “I’ll bet you don’t have a kamikaze pilot fly behind her when she goes to work, or a gang of prizefighters to walk her home after dark, or a whole crew of off-duty policemen to fend off her suitors….”
“Oh, boy,” Tyler sighed.
“Don’t worry,” Misty told him. “She’s fine. She’s just miffed at Calhoun, that’s all. Although how anybody could get upset at a dishy man like that being so protective—”
“Dishy isn’t a word I’d use to describe Calhoun if he finds Abby like that and thinks you’re responsible for it,” Tyler cautioned. “Have you ever seen him get angry?”
Misty pushed back her curly hair uncomfortably. “Justin’s temper is worse,” she reminded him.
Tyler lifted an eyebrow. “Don’t be so sure. They’re cut from the same cloth.” He touched Abby’s shoulder. “Don’t drink any more of that.” He gestured toward her drink.
“Whatever you say, Ty,” Abby said, smiling. “Good night.”
“Good night.”
He waved and left them there.
“I wonder what he was doing here,” Misty said, puzzled. “Since he doesn’t drink.”
“He may have been looking for somebody,” Abby murmured. “I guess a lot of cattlemen congregate around here on the weekends. This stuff is pretty good, Misty,” she added, taking another sip.
“You promised you wouldn’t,” she was reminded.
“I hate men,” Abby said. “I hate all men. But especially I hate Calhoun.”
Misty chewed her lower lip worriedly. Abby was starting to tie one on, and that wasn’t at all what Misty had had in mind. “I’ll be back in a minute, honey,” she promised, and got up to go after Ty. She had a feeling she was going to need his help to get Abby to the car, and now was the time to do it.
The minute she left, the burly, intoxicated man who’d been watching Abby for the past hour seized his opportunity. He sat down next to her, his small, pale eyes running hungrily over her.
“Alone at last,” he drawled. “My gosh, you’re a pretty thing. I’m Tom. I live alone and I’m looking for a woman who can cook and clean and make love. How about coming home with me?”
Abby gaped at him. “I don’t think I heard you?”
“If you’re here with a girlfriend, you’ve got to be out looking for it, honey.” He laughed drunkenly. “And I can sure give it to you. So how about it?” He put his pudgy-fingered hand on her arm and began to caress it. “Nice. Come here and give old Tom a kiss….”
He pulled her toward him. She protested violently, and in the process managed to knock her drink over onto him. He cursed a blue streak and stood up, holding her by the wrist, homicide in his drunken eyes.
“You did that on purpose,” he shot at her. “You soaked me deliberately! Well, let me tell you, lady, no broad pours liquor on me and gets away with it!”
Abby felt even sicker. He was hurting her wrist, and there was a deathly hush around them. She knew that most people didn’t involve themselves in this kind of conflict. She couldn’t fight this man and win, but what else was she going to do? She wanted to cry.
“Let her go.”
The voice was deep, slow, dangerous and best of all, familiar. Abby caught her breath as a tall, heavily built blond man came toward her, his dark, deep-set eyes on the man who had Abby’s wrist. He was in a gray vested suit and a dressy cream-colored Stetson and boots, but Abby knew the trappings of civilized company wouldn’t save this ruddy cretin if he didn’t turn her loose. Abby had seen Calhoun lose his temper, and she knew how hard he could hit when he did.
“What’s she to you?” the drunken cowboy demanded.
“My ward.”
Calhoun caught the smaller man’s wrist in a hard, cruel grasp and twisted. The man groaned and went down, holding his hand and cursing.
“Hey, you can’t do that to Tom!” one of the man’s cronies protested, standing up. He was almost Calhoun’s size, and a lot rougher-looking.
“Want to make something out of it, sonny?” Calhoun asked in a soft drawl that was belied by the dark glitter in his eyes.
“You bet I do!”
The younger man threw a punch, but he was too slow. Calhoun’s big fists put him over a table. He reached down and picked up the Stetson that the man’s blow had connected with and looked around the room as he ran his fingers through his thick, silky blond hair.
“Anybody else?” he invited pleasantly.
Eyes turned the other way, and the band started playing again. Then Calhoun looked down at Abby.
She swallowed. “Hi,” she said, and tried to smile. “I thought you were out on a date.”
He didn’t say a word, but his glittering eyes told her every single thing he was feeling. He wouldn’t admit for a minute that his dinner date was strictly business, or that he’d expected something like this after the argument he and Abby had had. She was giving him fits, but he didn’t let his expression show how concerned he really was.
“Did you see Misty?” she asked hopefully.
“Luckily for her, no,” he said in a tone that could have boiled ice water. “Get your purse.”
She fumbled on the chair beside hers for it, weak and shaky. He had a gift for intimidating people, she thought, watching him slam his Stetson over his eyes at a slant. The men who were picking themselves up off the floor didn’t seem anxious to tangle with him twice. It was amazing, she thought, how unruffled he looked for a man who’d just been in a fight.
He caught her arm and propelled her out of the bar and into the night air. Misty and Ty were standing just outside, both looking faintly apprehensive.
“It wasn’t all my fault, Cal,” Misty began in a subdued tone.
Calhoun eyed her coldly. “You know what I think of this so-called friendship. And I know the reason behind it, even if she doesn’t.”
Abby was puzzled by that remark. The cold, level look in Calhoun’s dark eyes and the uncomfortable flush in Misty’s pretty face didn’t add up.
“I’d better go get Shelby,” Ty said quietly. “I was going to offer to take Abby home, but under the circumstances I’m a bit relieved that you came along,” he told Calhoun.
“If Justin finds out you were in the same room with her, there’ll be hell to pay,” Calhoun agreed. “But thanks all the same.” He turned Abby toward his Jaguar. “I assume you rode into town with your girlfriend?” he added.
“We came in Misty’s car,” Abby murmured. She felt weary and a little sick. Now she really looked like a child, with all the concerned adults making a fuss over her. Tears burned in her eyes, which she was careful to keep hidden from the angry man beside her.
“Honest to God,” he muttered as he put her into the passenger seat and went around to get into the driver’s seat. “I don’t know what the hell’s wrong with you lately. Last night I find you in line at a male strip show, and tonight you’re getting drunk and eyeing strange men in bars!”
“I was not eyeing that lewd creature,” she said unsteadily. “And you can’t say I was dressed to invite his kind of comment. I’m not wearing anything that’s the least bit immodest!”
He glanced at her. “You were in a bar unescorted. That’s all the invitation that kind of man needs!”
She felt his gaze on her, but she wouldn’t look at him. She knew she’d cry if she did. She clasped her hands firmly in her lap and stared out the window instead as he started the car and headed for home.
It was a long ride, over deserted paved roads and dirt ones that led past the huge feedlot and then uphill to the house, which sat on a level plain about three miles away.
“Do you want me to carry you?” he asked stiffly as he helped her out of the car and she stumbled.
She pushed away from him as if she’d touched hot coals. “No, thank you.” He was making her more nervous than ever tonight. The scent of him filled her nostrils, all leathery and spicy and clean. She averted her eyes and walked as straight as she could toward the kitchen door. “Are you going to sneak me in the back way so that Justin doesn’t see me?” she challenged.
“Justin told me where to find you,” Calhoun said as he put the key in the lock and opened the back door. “He’s still watching his war movie.”
“Oh.” She walked through the door he was holding open for her. “I thought you were out on a date.”
“Never mind where I was,” he said curtly. “My God, I really must have radar.”
She flushed. Thank God he couldn’t see her face. She felt odd tonight. Frightened and nervous and a little unsure of herself. The gin had taken away some of her inhibitions, and she had to be careful not to let Calhoun see how vulnerable she felt when he came close to her.
She went in ahead of him, barely noticing the huge, spotless kitchen with its modern conveniences, or the hall, or the mahogany staircase she began to climb. Behind the closed living room door, bombs were going off in a softly muted way, indicating that Justin’s war movie was still running.
“Abby.”
She stopped, her back to him, trying not to show how nervous she felt. He was behind her, much too close, and she could smell the fresh, clean scent of his body and the spicy cologne he wore.
“What’s wrong, honey?” he asked.
His tone broke her heart. He used it with little things—a newborn kitten, or a filly he was working for the first time. He used it with children. He’d used it with Abby the day her mother had died in the wreck. It had been Calhoun who’d found her and broken the news to her and then held her while she cried. It was the tone he used when something was hurt.
She straightened, trying hard to keep her back straight and her legs under control. “That man…” she began, unable to tell him he was breaking her heart because he couldn’t love her.
“Damn that drunken—” He turned her, his strong hands gentle on her upper arms, his dark eyes blazing down into hers. He was so big, and none of it was fat. He was all muscle, lean and powerful, all man. “You’re all right,” he said softly. “Nothing happened.”
“Of course not,” she whispered miserably. “You rescued me. You always rescue me.” Her eyes closed, and a tear started down her cheek. “But hasn’t it occurred to you that I’m always going to land in trouble if you don’t let me solve my own problems?” She looked up at him through a mist. “You have to let go of me,” she whispered huskily, and her eyes reflected her heartbreak. “You have to, Calhoun.”
There was a lot of truth in what she said, and he didn’t really know how to respond. He worried about her. This strange restlessness of hers, this urge to run from him, wasn’t like Abby. She was melancholy, when for the past five years or more she’d been a vibrant, happy little imp, always laughing and playing with him, teasing him, making him laugh. She couldn’t know how somber the house had been when she’d first come to live with him and Justin. Justin never laughed anyway, and Calhoun had come to be like him. But Abby had brought the sunshine. She’d colored the world. He scowled down at her, wondering how she did it. She wasn’t pretty. She was plain, and she was serious a good bit of the time. But when she laughed…When she laughed, she was beautiful.
His hands contracted. “I wouldn’t mind if you’d go to conventional places,” he muttered. “First I catch you in line to watch a bunch of nude men parade around a stage, and the very next night you’re drinking gin and tonic in a bar. Why?” he asked, his deep voice soft with curiosity and concern.
She shifted. “I’m just curious about those things,” she said finally.
He searched her eyes quietly. “That isn’t it,” he replied, his own gaze narrowing. His hands shifted, gentle on her arms, Abby could feel their warmth through the fabric. “Something’s eating you alive. Can’t you tell me what it is?”
She drew in her breath. She’d almost forgotten how perceptive he was. He seemed to see right through to the bone and blood sometimes. She let her gaze drop to his chest, and she watched its lazy rise and fall under his gray vest. He was hairy under his shirt. She’d seen him once in a while on his way to or from the shower, and it had been all she could do not to reach out and run her hands over him. He had thick brown hair across his tanned chest, and it had golden tips where it curled. There was a little wave in his thick blond hair, not much, but enough that it was unruly around his ears. She let her gaze go up, feeding on him, lingering just above his dimpled chin at the thin but sensuous curve of his upper lip and the faintly square, chiseled fullness of his lower lip. He had a sexy mouth. His nose was sexy, too. Very straight and imposing. He had high cheekbones, and thick eyebrows on a jutting brow that shadowed his deep-set eyes. He had black eyes. Both the Ballengers did. But Calhoun was something to look at, and poor old Justin was as rangy-looking as a longhorn bull by comparison.
“Abby, are you listening to me?” Calhoun murmured, shaking her gently because her faintly intoxicated stare was setting his blood on fire.
Her eyes levered up to his, finding darkness in them, secrets, shadows. Her lips parted on a hopeless sigh. When Misty had told her last week about seeing him with some ravishing blonde up in Houston, it had knocked her for a loop, bringing home the true hopelessness of her situation. Calhoun liked sophisticated women. He’d never look twice at drab little Abby. Once Abby had faced that unpalatable fact, she’d been on a one-way road to misery. She’d been looking for an escape, last night and tonight, but she couldn’t find one. Wherever she turned, Calhoun was there, hounding her, not realizing how badly he was hurting her.
“What did you say?” she asked miserably.
His chest rose and fell roughly. “It’s hopeless trying to talk to you in this condition. Go to bed.”
“That’s just where I was headed,” she said.
She turned and started up the staircase ahead of him, her eyes burning with tears that she was too proud to let him see. Oh, Calhoun, she moaned inwardly, you’re killing me!
She went into her room and closed the door behind her. She almost locked it, but realized that would be a joke and a half. Locking a door against Calhoun was a hilarious idea. He’d as soon come looking for a lady vampire as to look at Abby with amorous intent. She started laughing as she went into the bathroom to bathe her face, and she almost couldn’t stop.
Chapter Four (#u541de333-9504-5525-9a5d-f86cb82825f9)
Abby managed to get into the silver satin night gown, but she couldn’t seem to fasten it in the front. The gown hung open over her full, firm breasts. She looked at herself in the mirror as she passed it, fascinated by the sophistication the unbuttoned state lent her. She looked oddly mature with the pink swell of her breasts blatantly revealed and her long hair tangled around her face. Then she laughed at her own fancy and stretched out on top of the pale pink coverlet on her canopied bed.
The whole room was decorated in shades of pink and white with blue accents. She loved it. The Ballengers had let her choose her own colors, and these were what she favored. Very feminine colors, even if she wasn’t a sophisticated blonde. She shifted restlessly on the cover, and the bodice of her gown came completely away from one breast. Her eyes closed. What did it matter, she thought as she drifted off to sleep. There was no one to see her.
No one except Calhoun, who eased the door open with an expression of concern in his dark eyes. He saw something that knocked the breath out of him.
Abby was barely conscious. She didn’t even open her eyes when he came into the room. It was just as well, because he knew he wouldn’t be lucid if he had to speak. He’d never thought of Abby as a woman, but the sight of her in that silky drift of silver fabric, with one exquisite breast completely bare and her slender body outlined to its best advantage, shot through him like fire.
He stood frozen in the doorway, facing for the first time the fact that Abby was an adult. No sane man who saw her lying there like that could ever think of her as a child again. And even as the thought formed he realized why he hadn’t been himself lately, why he’d deliberately antagonized her, why he’d been so overprotective. He…wanted her.
He closed the door absently behind him and moved closer to her. God, she was lovely! His face hardened as he stared down at her, helplessly feeding on the sensuous nudity she wasn’t even aware of.
He wondered if she’d ever let any of her dates see her like this, and a murderous rage stiffened his tall form. He hated the thought of that. Of another man looking at her, touching her, putting his mouth on that soft swell and searching for a tip that he could make hard with the warm pressure of his open mouth….
He shook himself. This wouldn’t do. “Abby,” he said tersely.
She stirred, but only to shift on the bed so that the whole damned bodice fell open. He actually trembled at the sweetness of her pretty pink breasts with their delicate mauve tips relaxed in sleep.
He muttered something explosive and forced himself to bend over her, to pull the fabric together and fasten it. His hands shook. Thank God she wasn’t awake to witness his vulnerability.
She moaned when his hard knuckles came into contact with her skin, and she arched slightly in her sleep.
His lips parted on a rough breath. Her skin was like silk, warm and sensuous. He gritted his teeth and caught the last button. Then he scooped her up in his arms and stood holding her propped on one knee while he tore the covers loose and stripped back the colorful pink patterned top sheet over the soft blue fitted one.
Her eyes blinked and opened lazily. She searched his hard face, smiling faintly. “I’m asleep,” she whispered, nuzzling close. Her sweet scent and the feel of her soft body in his arms overwhelmed him.
“Are you?” he asked, his voice deeper, huskier than he wanted it to be. He laid her down on the sheet, cupping the back of her head in his hand while he drew a pillow under it, his mouth just above hers.
Her hands were around his neck. He drew them down and pulled the covers up over her with a feeling of relief.
“I never had anybody tuck me in before,” she mumbled drowsily.
“Don’t expect a bedtime story,” he murmured, his deep voice lazy with forced humor. “You’re too young for the only ones I know.”
“I guess I am. Too young for everything. Much too young.” She sighed heavily, as her eyes closed. “Oh, Calhoun, I wish I was blond….”
“Now what brought that on?” he asked, but she was asleep again. He looked down at her softly flushed sleeping face, his eyes narrow and dark and thoughtful. After a minute he turned and went out, flicking off the light behind him.
Justin was coming out of the living room when Calhoun got back downstairs.
“Did you bring Abby home?” Justin asked his brother.
“Yes. She’s in bed. Dead drunk,” Calhoun added with a faintly amused smile. He’d already taken off his Stetson, along with his jacket and vest.
Justin’s dark eyes narrowed. “What’s wrong with you? Your lip is cut.”
“A slight altercation in the local bar and dance hall,” Calhoun said sardonically. He went to the brandy bottle and poured himself half a snifterful. He swirled it, staring into the glass. “Want one?”
Justin shook his head and lit a cigarette instead, ignoring Calhoun’s pointed glare of disapproval.
“What were you fighting about?”
Calhoun sipped his brandy. “Abby.”
Justin turned, his dark eyebrows arching. “Abby?”
“Misty Davies took her to a bar.”
“Last night a nude revue, tonight a bar.” Justin stared at his cigarette. “Something’s eating our girl.”
“I know. I just don’t know what. I don’t like what Misty’s doing, either, but I can’t tell Abby.”
Justin cocked his head as he drew on the cigarette. “She’s trying to get back at you through Abby, I gather.”
“Got it in one.” Calhoun raised the brandy snifter mockingly before he drained it. “She came on to me hard, and I turned her down. My God, as if I’d be crazy enough to seduce Abby’s best friend.”
“Misty should have known that. Is Abby all right?”
“I guess,” Calhoun said, not adding that he’d put her to bed himself or that she was the reason he was drinking, something he rarely did. “Some red-faced jackass was manhandling her.”
Justin whirled. “And?”
“I think I knocked one of his teeth out.”
“Good for you. All the same, she needs watching.”
“I’ll say amen to that. Shall we flip a coin?” Calhoun asked with pursed lips.
“Why should I interfere when you’re doing such a good job of looking out for her interests?” Justin asked, smiling faintly. His smile faded as he searched the younger man’s troubled eyes. “You do remember that Abby turns twenty-one in three months? And I think she’s already been apartment-hunting with Misty.”
Calhoun’s face hardened. “Misty will corrupt her. I don’t want Abby passed around like an hors d’oeuvre by some of Misty’s sophisticated boyfriends.”
Justin’s eyebrows arched. That didn’t sound like Calhoun. Come to think of it, Calhoun didn’t look like Calhoun. “Abby’s our ward,” he reminded his brother. “We don’t own her. We don’t have the right to make her decisions for her, either.”
Calhoun glared at him. “What do you want me to do, let her be picked up and assaulted by any drunken cowboy who comes along? Like bloody hell I will!”
He turned on his heel and walked out of the room. Justin pursed his thin lips and smiled softly to himself.
* * *
Abby woke the next morning with a headache and a feeling of impending doom. She sat up, clutching her head. It was seven o’clock, and she had to be to work by 8:30. Even now, breakfast would be underway downstairs. Breakfast. She swallowed her nausea.
She got out of bed unsteadily and went into the bathroom to wash her face and brush her teeth. She managed that and felt much better. As she started to get out of her gown, she noticed that the buttons were fastened. Odd. She was sure she’d left the thing unbuttoned. Oh, well, she must have gotten it buttoned and climbed in under the covers sometime before dawn.
It was Saturday, but ordinarily the feedlot stayed open. The cattle still had to be looked after, and the paperwork had to be done no matter what day it was. Abby had gotten used to the long work week, and it was just routine not to have her Saturdays free. She could get off at noon sometimes if she needed to go somewhere. But that hadn’t been her habit in recent months. She was hungry for the sight of Calhoun, and he was there most weekends.
She got into a pale gray suit with a blue silk print blouse and put her hair into a French twist. She used a little makeup—not much—and slid her nylon-encased feet into tiny stacked high heels. Well, she was no ravishing beauty, that was for sure, but she wouldn’t disgrace herself. She was going down with all flags flying. Calhoun would be mad as fury, and she couldn’t let him see how pale she was.
The Ballenger brothers were both at the table when she got downstairs. Calhoun glanced at her, his gaze odd and brooding, as she sat between him and Justin.
“It’s about time,” he said curtly. “You look like hell, and it serves you right. I’ll be damned if I’ll have you passing out in bars with that Davies woman!”
“Please, Calhoun, not before I eat,” Abby murmured. “My head hurts.”
“No wonder,” he shot back.
“Stop cussing at my breakfast table,” Justin told him firmly.
“I’ll stop when you do,” Calhoun told his brother, just as firmly.
“Oh, hell,” Justin muttered, and bit into one of Maria’s fluffy biscuits.
Ordinarily that byplay would have made Abby smile, but she felt too dragged-out to care. She sipped black coffee and nibbled at buttered toast, refusing anything more nourishing.
“You need to take some aspirins before you go to work, Abby,” Justin said gently.
She managed to smile at him. “I will. I guess gin isn’t really my drink.”
“Liquor isn’t healthy,” Calhoun said shortly.
Justin’s eyebrows lifted. “Then why were you emptying my brandy bottle last night?”
Calhoun threw down his napkin. “I’m going to work.”
“You might offer Abby a lift,” Justin suggested with a strangely calculating expression.
“I’m not going directly to the feedlot,” Calhoun said. He didn’t want to be alone with Abby, not after the way he’d seen her the night before. He could hardly look at her without remembering her lying across that bed….
“I’m not through with breakfast,” Abby replied, hurt that Calhoun didn’t seem to want her company. “Besides,” she told Justin with a faint smile, “I can drive. I didn’t really have all that much to drink.”
“Sure,” Calhoun replied harshly, dark eyes blazing. “That’s why you passed out on your bed.”
Abby knew she’d stopped breathing. Justin was pouring cream into his second cup of coffee, his keen eyes on the pitcher, not on the other occupants of the room. And that was a good thing, because Abby looked up at Calhoun with sudden stark knowledge of what he’d seen the night before and had her fears confirmed by the harsh stiffening of his features.
She blushed and started, almost knocking over her cup. So she had gone to sleep on the covers. Calhoun found her with her bodice undone, he’d seen her—
“Never mind breakfast. Let’s go,” Calhoun said suddenly, his lean hand on the back of her chair. “I’ll take you to the feedlot before I do what I have to. You’re not fit to drive.”
Justin was watching now, his gaze narrow and frankly curious as it went from Abby’s red face to Calhoun’s taut expression.
That look was what decided Abby that Calhoun was the lesser of the two evils. She couldn’t tell Justin what had happened, but he’d have it out of her in two seconds if she didn’t make a run for it. Calhoun must have realized that, too.
He took her arm and almost pulled her out of the chair, propelling her out of the room with a curt goodbye to his brother.
“Will you slow down?” she moaned as he took the steps two at a time. “My legs aren’t long enough to keep up with you, and my head is splitting.”
“You need a good headache,” he muttered without a glance in her direction. “Maybe it will take some of the adventure out of your soul.”
She glared at his broad back in silence as she followed him to the Jaguar and got into the passenger seat.
He started the car and reversed it, but he didn’t go toward the feedlot. He went down the driveway, turned off onto a ranch road that wasn’t much more than a rut in the fenced pastures and cut off the engine on a small rise.
He didn’t say anything at first. He rested his lean hands on the steering wheel, studying them in silence, while Abby tried to catch her breath and summon enough nerve to talk to him.
“How dare you come into my room without knocking,” she whispered after a long minute, her voice sounding husky and choked.
“I did knock. You didn’t hear me.”
She bit her lower lip, turning her gaze to the yellowish-brown pastures around them.
“Abby, for God’s sake, don’t make such an issue out of it,” he said quietly. “Would you rather I’d left you like that? What if Justin had come to wake you, or Lopez?”
She swallowed. “Well, I guess they’d have gotten an eyeful,” she said, her voice unsteady. After a minute, her face flushed, she turned toward him and asked plaintively, “Calhoun…I wasn’t uncovered all the way, was I?”
He looked into her eyes and couldn’t quite manage to look away. She was lovely. He reached out involuntarily and touched the side of her neck, his fingers tender and exquisitely arousing.
“No,” he managed, watching the relief shadow her eyes as he told the lie with a straight face. “I buttoned you back up and tucked you in.”
She let out a hard breath. “Thank you.”
His fingers moved up to her cheek. “Abby, have you ever let a man see your breasts?” he asked unexpectedly.
She couldn’t handle a remark that intimate. She dropped her eyes and tried to catch her breath.
“Never mind, tenderfoot,” he chided softly. “I can guess.”
“You mustn’t talk like that,” she whispered.
“Why?” he mused, tilting her chin up so that her shocked eyes met his. “You’re the one trying to grow up, aren’t you? If you want me to treat you like an adult, Abby, then this is part of it.”
She shifted nervously. He made her feel so gauche it was ridiculous. She twisted her purse out of shape, afraid to meet the dark eyes that were relentlessly probing her face.
“Don’t,” she pleaded breathlessly, and her eyes closed.
“Are you really afraid of me?” he asked, his voice deeper, silkier.
He touched her mouth with a lean forefinger and she actually jumped, her eyes flashing open, all her hidden hungers and fears lying vulnerable there. And that was when his self-control fell away. She was hungry for him. Just as hungry as he was for her. Was that why she’d been so restless, because she’d become attracted to him and was trying to hide it? He had to know.
She couldn’t answer him. She felt as if he were trying to see inside her mind. “I’m not afraid of you. Can’t we go?”
“What are you trying to do?” he whispered, leaning closer, threatening her lips with his. “Block it out? Pretend that you aren’t hungry for my mouth?”
Her heart went wild at the soft question. If he didn’t stop, she was going to go in headfirst. He could be playing, and to have him tease her without meaning it would kill her. Her fingers touched his shoulder, pushed experimentally against the hard muscle under the soft fabric of his suit. They trembled there as her eyes suddenly tangled with his and her mouth echoed the faint tremor of her body.
He stared at her. It was a kind of exchange that Abby had never experienced before. A level, unblinking, intense look that curled her toes and made her heart race. Very adult, very revealing. His dark eyes held hers, and his lean fingers traced up and down her soft throat, arousing, teasing. His hard mouth moved closer to hers, hovering above it so that she could feel his warm, minty breath on her parted lips, so that she was breathing him.
“Cal…houn,” she whispered, her voice breaking on a hungry sob.
She heard his intake of air and felt his hand curl under her long hair, powerful and warm, cradling her nape to tilt her head up.
“This has been coming for a hell of a long time, baby,” he whispered as his head bent and he started to give in to the hunger that had become a fever in his blood. “I want it as much as you do….”
He leaned even closer, but just as his hard mouth started down over hers, before his lips touched her pleading ones, the sound of an approaching vehicle broke them apart like an explosion.
Calhoun felt disoriented. He looked in the rearview mirror and saw one of the ranch trucks coming up behind, but it took a moment to register. He was having trouble breathing. His body felt rigid, like drawn cord.
He glanced at Abby. She’d moved away and the realization that she was trembling brought home the total shock of what he’d been about to do. Damn it, she’d knocked him for a loop without even trying. That made him mad, and so, ironically, did the fact that she’d given in so easily. It infuriated him even more that he’d been about to kiss her. He didn’t want complications, damn it, and Abby was the biggest he’d ever faced. Was she vulnerable because she wanted him or just because she’d suddenly discovered that she was a woman and wanted to experiment?
“We’d better get to work,” he said tersely, starting the Jaguar. He drove down the path, waving to the men in the vehicle behind them. He cut off at the next dirt road, and minutes later they were at the feedlot. “Go on in. I’ve got to drive over to Jacobsville and talk to our attorney for a few minutes,” he said as coolly as he could. That was a bald-faced lie, but he needed time to get hold of himself. He was as tense as a boy with his first woman, and he was losing his sense of humor. He didn’t want Justin to see him like this and start asking embarrassing questions.
“All right,” Abby said, her voice faltering.
He glanced at her with narrowed eyes. She’d give the show away all by herself if she went inside looking like that. “Nothing happened,” he said shortly. “And nothing will,” he added, his voice cold, “if you can manage to stop looking at me like a lovesick calf!”
A sob tore from her throat. Her wide, hurt eyes sought his and quickly fell away. She opened the door and got out, closing it quietly behind her. She straightened and walked toward the office without looking back.
Calhoun almost went after her. He hadn’t wanted to say that to Abby, of all people, but he was off balance and terrified of what he might do to her if she kept looking at him that way. He couldn’t make love to her, for God’s sake. She was a child. She was his ward. Even as he told himself that, a picture formed in his mind of Abby lying on the bed with her breasts bare. He groaned and jerked the car into gear, sending it flying down the road.
Abby didn’t know how she got through the day. It was impossible to act as if nothing had happened, but since Justin knew she had a hangover he didn’t question her pale complexion or her unusually quiet demeanor. And Calhoun didn’t come back to the office. That was a godsend. Abby didn’t think she could have borne seeing him after what he’d said to her.
“You need a diversion,” Justin remarked later in the day, just about quitting time. “How about a steak in Houston? I’ve got to meet a man and his wife to talk about a new lot of stocker calves, and I’d hate to go alone.”
He was smiling, and Abby warmed to his gentle affection. Justin wasn’t the cold creature most people thought him. He was just a sad, lonely man who should have married and had several children to spoil.
“I’d like that very much,” Abby said honestly. It would be nice to go out to dinner, especially if it meant she could avoid Calhoun. Of course, it was Saturday night. He wasn’t usually home on Saturday nights anyway, but it would be so much better if she didn’t have to dread seeing him.
“Good,” Justin said, rising. “We’ll get away about six.”
Abby wore a soft burgundy velour dress. It had a slightly flared knee-length skirt and bishop sleeves, and a neckline that was V-shaped and not at all suggestive. She wore black accessories with it and, because it had turned cold, her heather-colored wool cape.
“Very nice,” Justin said, smiling. He had on dark evening clothes and looked elegant and sophisticated, as he always did on the rare occasions when he dressed up.
“I could return the compliment,” Abby said. She clutched her purse, sending a restless look down the hall.
“He won’t be home,” Justin told her, intercepting her worried glance. “I gather the two of you had another falling-out?”
She sighed. “The worst yet,” she confessed, unwilling to tell him any of the details. She looked up at him. “Calhoun acts as if he hates me lately.”
Justin searched her eyes quietly. “And you don’t know why,” he mused. “Well, give it time, Abby. Rome wasn’t built in a day.”
She blinked. “I don’t understand.”
He laughed softly and took her arm. “Never mind. Let’s get going.”
Houston was big and sprawling and flat as a pancake, but it had a very special personality and Abby loved it. At night it was as colorful as Christmas, all jewel lights and excitement.
Justin took her to a small, intimate dinner club where they met the Joneses, Clara and Henry. They owned a small ranch in Montana where they raised stocker calves to supply to feedlots. They were an older couple but full of fun, and Abby liked them instantly. She and Clara talked fashion while Justin and Henry talked business. Abby was really having a good time until she glanced across the room and saw a familiar face on the cozily intimate dance floor.
Calhoun! Her eyes widened as she followed his blond head through the crowd until there was a clear space. Then she saw the ravishing blonde with him. He was holding the woman, who was at least his own age, with both hands at her waist, and she was curled up against him as if they’d been dancing together for years. They were smiling at each other like lovers.
Abby felt sick. She could almost feel herself turning green. If Calhoun had worked at it for years, he couldn’t have hurt her any worse. Coming on the heels of the insulting remark he’d made just a few hours earlier, it was a death blow. This was his kind of woman, Abby realized. Sleek, beautiful, sophisticated. This was one of his shadowy lovers. One of the women he never brought home.
“What’s wrong, Abby?’ Justin asked suddenly. But before she could answer he followed her gaze to the dance floor, and something in his dark eyes became frightening, dangerous.
“Isn’t that Calhoun?” Henry Jones grinned. “Well, well, let’s get him over here, Justin, and see what he thinks of our proposition.” Before anyone could stop him, he got up and headed for the dance floor.
“Mrs. Jones, shall we go to the powder room?” Abby asked with a pale but convincing smile.
“Certainly, dear. Excuse us, won’t you, Justin?” the white-haired woman asked politely, and started out of the restaurant ahead of Abby.
Justin unexpectedly caught Abby’s upper arm and drew her back. “Don’t panic,” he said quietly. “I’ll get you out of here as soon as I can. Do you want a drink?”
She looked up, almost in tears at his unexpected understanding. “Could I have a piña colada with just a little rum?” she asked.
“I’ll order it. Keep your chin up.”
She smiled at him softly. “Thanks, big brother,” she said gently.
He grinned. “Any time. Get going.”
She glanced away in time to catch Calhoun’s dark eyes. She nodded her head at him and turned away with no apparent haste.
Ten minutes later, she and Mrs. Jones returned to find Calhoun about to leave the table, the blonde still clinging to his arm. He looked up at Abby. His face was unreadable, but there was something in his expression that disturbed her. She wasn’t about to let it show, though. Lovesick calf, indeed. She’d show him, by gosh.
She smiled. “Hi, Calhoun!” she said easily, sliding into the chair next to Justin’s. “Isn’t this a nice place? Justin decided I needed a night on the town. Wasn’t that sweet of him?” She picked up her piña colada and took a big sip, relieved to find that it had barely enough rum to taste and even more relieved that her hand didn’t shake and betray her shattered nerves.
“She’s a big girl now,” Justin told his brother, leaning back in his chair arrogantly and daring Calhoun to say a word. His cool smile and level, cold stare had a real impact, even on his brother.
But Calhoun didn’t look any too pleased at the implication of the remark, especially when Justin slid an arm around Abby’s shoulders. In fact, Calhoun seemed almost ready to leap forward and shake his brother loose from Abby.
“I’m tired,” the blonde sighed, nuzzling her face against Calhoun’s arm. “I need some sleep. Eventually,” she teased gently, with a meaningful look at Calhoun’s rigid expression.
Abby lifted her chin, looking straight at him. “Enjoy yourself, big brother,” she said with forced gaiety. She even managed a smile. Thank God for Justin. She lifted her glass, took a sip of her drink and winked at the blonde, who smiled at her, obviously thinking Abby was a relative and no threat even if she wasn’t.
Calhoun was trying to find his voice. The sight of Abby with his brother was killing him. He hadn’t even considered that possibility. And while Justin might not be a playboy, he was a mature, very masculine man, and he had, after all, attracted a beauty like Shelby Jacobs.
Calhoun hadn’t meant to ask the blonde out. She was a last-ditch stand against what he was feeling for Abby, and a very platonic one at that. He didn’t even want her physically; she was just someone to talk to and be with who didn’t threaten his emotions. But he’d never thought Abby might see him with her. It cut him to the bone, embarrassed him. Did Abby care? Try as he might, he couldn’t find the slightest hint of jealousy in her face. She was wearing more makeup than usual, and that dress suited her. She looked lovely. Had Justin noticed?
“I said, I’d really like to go home, Cal,” the blonde drawled, laughing. “Can we, please? I’ve had a long day. I’m a model,” she added. “And we had a showing this afternoon. My feet are killing me, however unromantic that sounds.”
“Of course,” Calhoun said quietly. He took her arm. “I’ll see you later,” he told Justin.
“Sure you will,” Justin mused, his tone amused and unbelieving, and he smiled at the blonde, who actually blushed.
Calhoun noticed then how Abby reacted to the remark. She lowered her eyes, but her slender hand was shaking as it held the piña colada. He felt murderous. He wanted to pick her up and carry her out of here, out of Justin’s reach.
But Justin had his arm around Abby, and he tightened it. “We may be late,” Justin told his brother. “So don’t wait up if you beat us home. I thought I might take Abby dancing,” he added with narrowed eyes and the arrogant smile Calhoun hated.
“Yes, I’d like that,” Abby told him, smiling.
Calhoun felt his throat contracting. He managed a smile, too, but not a normal one. “Good night, then,” he said tautly. He hardly heard what the others said as he escorted the blonde out of the restaurant.
“It’s all right,” Justin told Abby, his voice quiet. “They’ve gone.”
She looked up, her eyes full of tears. “You know, don’t you?”
“How you feel, you mean?” he asked gently. He nodded. “Just don’t let him see it, honey. He’s still got a wild streak, and he’ll fight it like hell even if he feels what you do. Give him time. Don’t hem him in.”
“You know a lot about men,” she said, sniffing into the tissue she took from her purse.
“Well, I am one,” he replied. “Dry your eyes, now, and we’ll take the long way home. That ought to give him hell. He hated the very idea of your being out with me.”
“Really?”
He smiled at her expression. “Really. Chin up, girl. You’re young. You’ve got time.”
“What do I do in the meantime? He’s driving me crazy.”
“You might consider looking for that apartment,” he said. “I hate to see you move out, but it may be the only answer eventually.”
“I’d already decided that.” She wiped her eyes. “But he hates the idea of my rooming with Misty.”
“So do I,” he remarked honestly. “Did you know that she made a pass at Calhoun and he turned her down?”
“Can’t I trust anybody?” she moaned. “Aren’t there any women who don’t like him?”
“A few, here and there,” he mused, his dark eyes twinkling. “I think you might do better to find a room in somebody’s house. But that’s your decision,” he added quietly. “I’m not going to tell you what to do. You’re old enough to decide alone.”
“Thanks, Justin,” she said gently. She smiled. “You’ll make some lucky girl a nice husband one day.”
His expression hardened, and the humor went out of his dark eyes. “That’s a mistake I won’t make,” he said. “I’ve had my fill of involvement.”
“You never asked about Shelby’s side of it,” Abby reminded him. “You wouldn’t even listen, Calhoun said.”
“She said it all when she gave me back the ring. And I don’t want to discuss it, Abby,” he cautioned, his eyes flashing warning signals as he rose. “I talk to no one about Shelby. Not even you.”
She backed down. “Okay,” she said gently. “I won’t pry.”
“Let’s go,” he said, reaching for the check. “We’ll take two hours getting home, and I hope Calhoun has kittens when we get there.”
“I doubt he’ll notice,” Abby said miserably. “She was very pretty.”
“Looks don’t count in the long run,” he replied. He looked at Abby. “Odd, isn’t it, how embarrassed he was when you saw him with her?”
She turned away. “I’m tired. But it was a lovely dinner. Thank you.”
He lifted an eyebrow. “Don’t thank me. I had a good time. It beats watching movies at home, anyway.” He chuckled gently.
Abby wanted to ask him why he never dated anyone and whether he was still carrying a torch for Shelby Jacobs after six years. Calhoun had said he was, but Justin was a clam when it came to his private life. And Abby wasn’t about to pry any further. She wasn’t that brave, not even with a piña colada inside her.
Chapter Five (#ulink_bb2f0696-3ce3-5acd-b62f-ed7a85058c0d)
Abby was miserable by the time they got home. She’d done nothing but think of Calhoun and the model. Justin had been kind, talking as if she were really listening to him. But she was reliving those few tempestuous minutes in Calhoun’s Jaguar, when he’d come so close to kissing her and then had insulted her so terribly. She didn’t understand his hot-and-cold attitude or his irritability. She didn’t understand anything anymore.
Justin parked his elegant black Thunderbird in the garage, and Abby was surprised to find Calhoun’s Jaguar already there.
“Well, well, look who’s home,” Justin murmured, glancing at Abby. “I guess he felt like an early night.”
“Maybe he was exhausted,” Abby said coldly.
Justin didn’t comment, but he seemed highly amused and smug about something.
Calhoun was in the living room with the brandy bottle when they got home. He was down to his white shirtsleeves, which he’d rolled up to his elbows. His shirt was almost completely open in front, and Abby had to bite her lip to keep from staring helplessly at the broad expanse of his muscular chest. He was the most sensuous man she’d ever known, so powerful and tall and huge. Just the sight of him made her body tingle.
“So you finally brought her home,” Calhoun shot at his brother. “Do you know what time it is?”
“Sure,” Justin said imperturbably. “It’s two o’clock in the morning.”
“What were you doing?”
Justin cocked an eyebrow. “Oh, riding around. And things. Night, Abby,” he said, and winked at her before he turned and went up the staircase.
Abby felt as if she’d been poleaxed. Now why had Justin said that? It had made Calhoun look frankly murderous. She cleared her throat.
“I think I’ll go up, too.” She started to turn, only to have her arm caught in a viselike grip by huge warm fingers and be pulled into the living room.
Calhoun slammed the door behind her, his chest heaving with rough breaths. His dark eyes were really black now, glittering, dangerous, and his sensuous mouth was a thin, grim line.
“Where were you?” he demanded. “And doing what? Justin’s thirty-seven, and he’s no boy.”
She stared at him blankly. The sudden attack had knocked the wind out of her for a minute, but then her temper came to the rescue.
“That blonde you were out with was no schoolgirl, either,” she replied as calmly as she could, even though her knees were shaking under her. She leaned back against the door for support.
His heavy brows drew together. “My private life is none of your business,” he said defensively.
“Of course not,” she agreed. “You’ve already said that you didn’t want me hanging around you like a lovesick calf, and I’m doing my best not to,” she added, although it hurt terribly to try to make light of that hurtful remark.
His heavy shoulders made a jerky movement as he looked at her and away again, as if her answer made him uncomfortable. “Justin’s too old for you.”
“Bullfeathers,” she replied, lifting her chin. “You’ve objected to every other man I’ve ever gone out with, but you can’t object to your own brother. Justin would never hurt me, and you know it.”
He did know it, but that didn’t help. He was dying at the thought of Abby and Justin together.
“Oh, for God’s sake!” he burst out, lost for words.
She took a steadying breath, though her heart was still doing a tango in her chest. “Why should it matter to you what I do?” she challenged him. “And you’re a fine one to sit in judgment on other people! My gosh, Calhoun, everybody in the world knows what a playboy you are!”
He glared at her, trying to keep his temper. “I’m not a playboy,” he said tersely. “I may date women occasionally—”
“Every night,” she returned. Even though she knew her assertion wasn’t completely true, she was too angry to split hairs. “Not that I mind,” she added with a cold smile. “I don’t care who you go out with, as long as you stop poking your nose into my business. I’ll date whom I please, Calhoun, and if you don’t like it, you know what you can do!”
He started to tell her what she could do, but before he could get the words out she’d jerked the door open and gone out and up the staircase.
“If you stay out until two o’clock in the morning again, with or without Justin, I’ll take a tree limb to you!” Calhoun yelled up the stairs.
Abby made a sound that almost drove him crazy. He muttered something obscene and went back into the living room, slamming the door so hard it shook the room.
Damn women! He could have screamed at the effect she was having on him lately. She was ruining his love life, ruining his business life. All he did was think about her damned pretty breasts….
Abby cried herself to sleep. It had been a rotten evening altogether, and every time she thought of Calhoun kissing that model she got sicker. She hated him. She hated every bone in his body, and she most especially hated his possessiveness. She had to find an apartment. She had to get away. After tonight it was going to be just plain horrible trying to stay in the same house with Calhoun until her birthday.
The next morning she slept late. She usually got up and went to church, but this time she played hooky. She didn’t want to risk running into Calhoun.
But as it was, there was nothing to worry about. When she finally went downstairs at lunchtime, wearing jeans and a beige knit top, her hair in a ponytail, Calhoun was nowhere in sight.
“Good morning,” Justin said from the head of the table, smiling faintly. “How did it go last night?”
“Don’t ask,” she groaned. She sat down and glanced nervously at the door. “Is he here?”
He shook his head and filled his cup with coffee then passed the carafe to Abby. “He’s still asleep,” he said. That was surprising, because Calhoun was usually up early. Justin actually grinned then. “What happened?”
“He thinks I should be in before two o’clock in the morning, even if he isn’t,” she said calmly. “And you’re too old for me,” she added with a faint grin, eyeing him.
He chuckled. “What else?”
“He’s going crazy, Justin,” she said. “I don’t know what’s gotten into him lately. It can’t be his love life—his model seemed to be more than willing,” she added cattily.
Justin looked at her, but he didn’t reply. He poured cream into his coffee. “Oh, I almost forgot. Misty phoned. Something about having an apartment she wanted you to look at today if you want to go with her.”
“Yes, I think I do,” she murmured with a cold glance at the staircase.
“You know I don’t approve of Misty as your prospective roommate,” Justin told her honestly. “But it’s your decision.”
“You’re a nice man.”
“I’m glad you think so. Obviously my brother thinks I’m as big a rake as he is.” He chuckled.
“Thank God you aren’t,” she sighed. “One in the family is enough!”
“If you’re going out, you’d better wear a jacket,” Justin warned. “I stepped out to get the paper and almost froze in place.”
Abby sighed again. “And they keep saying spring is just around the corner.”
She finished her breakfast and called Misty to tell her she’d be right over. Then she returned to her room to get her burgundy velour jacket. She was looping the last button when she turned to the open door and found Calhoun standing there, looking at her broodingly.
He’d just showered. He was bare chested, and his blond hair was damp. But Abby’s eyes stopped at his brawny chest in helpless appreciation of the sheer masculinity of him. He leaned idly against the doorjamb, and muscles rippled under the wedge of thick brown hair that ran down into the wide belt around his slender hips. He didn’t smile, and his dark eyes had heavy circles underneath them. He looked as tired as Abby felt.
“Where are you going now?” he asked coldly.
“Out to look at apartments,” she said carelessly. “In a little over two and a half months I’ll be needing one.”
“How does Justin feel about that?” he asked, his eyes narrowing angrily.
“Justin isn’t the one who’s trying to keep me in a cage,” she replied. She was tired of the whole thing, of his unreasonable anger and even of Justin playing cupid. “Look, Justin just took me out for a meal. He didn’t park the car and try to make love to me. He isn’t that kind of man, and you should be ashamed of yourself for thinking he is. Justin’s like a brother to me. Just…as you are,” she finished, averting her eyes. “I don’t have romantic thoughts about either one of you.”
“And that’s a damned lie,” he said in a cold tone. He jerked away from the door, slamming it behind him, bringing her shocked eyes to him as he advanced toward her. “I’m no more your brother than I’m your great-uncle.”
She backed up into a chair, swerved and made it to the wall. He looked dangerous, and she didn’t know how to handle this lightning mood switch.
“That’s what you want me to be,” she said accusingly, pressing against the cold wall. “You want me to be a kid sister and not get in your way or make eyes at you—”
“My God, I don’t know what I want anymore,” he ground out as he placed his big hands on either side of her head, his body too close, too sensuous, too deliciously masculine. The scent of him filled her nostrils, excited her senses. She could see the tiny golden tips of the hair on his chest now, glittering in the light. Glittering…like the dark, intent eyes that caught hers and held them.
“Calhoun, I have to go,” she said, her voice faltering.
“Why?” he asked.
She could see him breathing. His chest rose and fell roughly, as if he were having a hard time getting air in and out. She felt that way herself. He was too close, and her vulnerability was going to start showing any minute. She couldn’t bear to have him see her weakness and make fun of it.
“Stop it,” she whispered huskily, closing her eyes. “Damn you, stop…oh!”
He had her mouth under his so smoothly and easily that her heart seemed to stop beating. He wasn’t gentle, either. It was as if the feel of her soft body under his made him wild, made him hungry.
In fact, he was starving for her. He leaned down so that his hips and thighs were fully against her, so that his bare chest was against the velour of her jacket. He didn’t like not being able to feel her breasts, so he snapped open the buttons of the jacket and pushed the material aside. He felt her gasp as her breasts pressed against him, and he groaned, marveling at the warm softness of her. Nudging her lips apart, he nipped sensuously at the lower one. That was arousing, too, and he wanted her. He wanted her mouth as he wanted her soft, sweet young body. His tongue pushed into her mouth, past her lips, tangling with her own, and he groaned and gave her his full weight, pressing her against the wall.
Abby was frightened. She hadn’t expected anything quite so adult, and she’d never been kissed by anyone who had any expertise. Calhoun was experienced, and he was kissing her as if she knew all the answers, too. But she didn’t. The feel of his body in such unfamiliar intimacy was embarrassing, and his mouth was doing shocking things to her own. She pushed at his chest, afraid of his lack of control.
“No!” she whimpered.
He barely heard her. His mind was spinning, his body in torment. He managed to lift his head, breathing roughly, and look down at her. But the passion and delight he had expected to see in her pale eyes was missing. They were wide, but not with desire. With…fear!
He scowled. Her hands were on his chest, but they were pushing, not caressing, and she was crying.
“Abby,” he whispered gently. “Honey…”
“Let me…go,” she sobbed brokenly. “Oh, let me go!” She pushed again, harder.
This time he flexed his hands against the wall and pushed away from her, leaving her cold, empty. She moved past him, putting half the length of the room between them. So that—that!—was what passion felt like. She shivered a little at the memory. Her mouth hurt where his had ground against it, and her breasts were sore from the hard pressure of his chest. He hadn’t even tried to be gentle. She stared at him accusingly, her eyes bright with tears as she drew her jacket closer and shivered.
Calhoun felt as if he’d been hit in the head with a hammer. Her reaction hadn’t been anything like what he’d expected. He’d almost kissed her once before, and she’d been yielding then, willing. But now she looked as if she hated him.
“You hurt me,” she whispered shakily.
He was lost for words. Concerned, he stared at her, his dark eyes quiet on her wan face. She looked as if she had never experienced a man’s passion. Was that possible? Could any woman be that unawakened in this day and age?
“Haven’t you ever been kissed?” he asked softly.
“Of course I have,” she replied stiffly. “But not…not like that!”
His eyebrows went up. At last he was catching one. “My God,” he said huskily. “Abby, adults kiss that way!”
“Then I don’t want to be an adult,” she returned, coloring. “Not if I have to be mauled like that!”
He watched her turn and leave the room, and he was powerless to stop her. Her reaction had floored him completely. He’d expected her to know a little about lovemaking, at least, but she seemed totally innocent. She’d never known a deep kiss or the intimacy of a man’s body.
It should have pleased him, but he found it irritating that she thought he’d mauled her. By God, he should have let her go out with Myers. Then she’d know what it was to be mauled!
He left the room and closed the door, his expression thunderous as he heard her footsteps going down the staircase and then her muffled goodbye to Justin.
Calhoun went back to his own room. He was breathing roughly, and his heart wouldn’t beat properly. He felt hot all over. Frustrated. Furious. Damn Abby and her soft body. It was driving him out of his mind!
He went into the bathroom and turned on the shower. Well, it was a good thing she didn’t like his kisses, because hell would freeze over before she ever got another one.
Abby was blissfully unaware of Calhoun’s thoughts. She climbed into her car and started it with hands that were still trembling. How could Calhoun have hurt her like that if he’d cared anything about her? He’d just proved how little she meant to him. He’d only been interested in his own pleasure, not hers. Well, he could go back to his blondes for all she cared. She was sure she hated him now.
Misty was already dressed and waiting when Abby got to the colonial mansion the older girl shared with her parents. Misty took them to town in her little sports car, and for once Abby didn’t mind the wind. It might blow away her misery. Just thinking about Calhoun’s rough treatment made her miserable. She loved him and it hurt terribly that he could treat her that way. But she had to pretend that nothing was wrong, so that Misty wouldn’t start asking questions that Abby didn’t want to answer.
They parked in town and went to the first address on Misty’s list. It was an apartment above a sweet shop, on the corner across from the bank. Misty didn’t like the place, because there was only one bedroom and she wanted her privacy. Abby deliberately put the implications of that remark in the back of her mind and added that she didn’t like the view. It was too close to the center of town, and there was a good deal of traffic on Saturday night.
The second place they went was just right. The room being rented was upstairs in a private house owned by a Mrs. Simpson, who was friendly and bright and welcoming. That turned Misty off completely. She didn’t want an old busybody watching out for her. But Abby was rapidly coming to the conclusion that Misty was going to do some entertaining once they were on their own, and her association with the Ballengers made her balk at the thought of Misty’s plans.
“I’ll take it,” she told Mrs. Simpson, “if you don’t mind having just me instead of both of us, and if you aren’t in a hurry for me to move in. It will be a few weeks….”
“That will work out fine. I’m going off to my sister’s for a week or so, anyway.” Mrs. Simpson smiled broadly, her blue eyes lighting up. “My dear, I’d be delighted.” She leaned forward while Misty was still upstairs grumbling about the lack of privacy. “Your friend seems very nice, mind you, but I’m rather old-fashioned….”
“So am I,” Abby whispered, putting her finger to her lips when Misty came downstairs again.
“No, I’m sorry, it won’t do,” she sighed.
“I have the perfect solution,” Abby told her. “I’ll take this one, and you take the other one. It’ll be great. We can visit each other, and we’ll both have our privacy.”
Misty raised an eyebrow. “Well…it might be nice at that. But you said you wanted to room with me.”
Mrs. Simpson excused herself, asking Abby to phone her later about a date for moving in.
Abby moved with Misty to the door. “Let’s face it,” she told her friend, “you want to entertain men, and I’ll have Calhoun and Justin all over me if they find out about it. I’m sure you don’t want them on your case.”
Misty shuddered delicately. “Are you kidding? Calhoun, maybe, but not Justin! That man doesn’t have a humorous bone in his whole body.”
Abby remembered how amused Justin had been about Calhoun’s behavior, but she just nodded her head.
“Let’s have coffee,” Misty suggested. She drove them back into town in her little sports car and parked beside the bank. The two women had just gotten out of the car when Tyler Jacobs and his sister Shelby came around the corner looking somber and disturbed.
Abby greeted them. “Tyler. Shelby. How are you?”
“This isn’t a good time to ask,” Shelby sighed, but she smiled. She was a dish. Short dark hair framed her elfin face, and she had eyes that were an odd shade of green, almost glassy in color. Her mouth was perfect, and she was tall. She would have made a fortune as a model, but her parents wouldn’t have heard of such a profession for their only daughter.
Tyler was like his sister in coloring. He had thick dark hair, almost black, and an olive complexion and the same odd-colored green eyes. He was as big as Calhoun, but slender. Whipcord-lean and dangerous-looking. He wasn’t handsome at all, but he had character, and women usually found him irrestible.
Misty turned to see where Abby had gotten to and smiled delightedly at Tyler.
“Well, hello,” she drawled. “Fancy seeing you here.”
“Hello, Misty,” he said, smiling lazily. “You look devastating, as usual. What are you two doing in town on a Sunday?”
“Looking for an apartment to share, originally.” Abby sighed. “But we wound up with one each, across town from the other. I’m renting from Mrs. Simpson, and Misty has a neat place overlooking the bank.”
“Right up there, in fact.” Misty pointed across the street. “It needs decorating, but I can take care of that.”
Abby grinned. “I’ll bet you can.”
“Come and have coffee with us,” Shelby invited. “Tyler needs cheering up. We had a bad blow yesterday, and an even worse one today.”
Abby looked up at him. He did seem reticent. And moody, which was totally unlike him. “I’m sorry. Can I help?”
“You little doll,” he murmured, and touched her hair gently. “No. But thanks for the offer. How’s Calhoun?”
Abby averted her eyes. “He’s fine, I guess. He and Justin are both at home.”
“No problems the other night after Calhoun got you home?” Tyler persisted with a teasing smile.
“Only the usual lecture,” Abby said. She managed a shaky smile as all four of them went down the street and entered a small cafeteria.
They were quickly seated, and the waitress brought four cups of coffee and a pitcher of cream.
Shelby cast a glance at Abby and laughed softly. “You devil,” she teased.
“I just wanted to see how the other half lived,” Abby sighed.
“I did my best to help you,” Misty sighed. “On the other hand, weren’t you lucky that it was Calhoun and not Justin who came after you? Calhoun is a little more easygoing.”
“Not lately, he isn’t,” Abby said tautly.
At the mention of Justin, Shelby became quiet and shy. Abby felt sorry for her. Justin had never gotten over Shelby’s defection. He probably never would, and Shelby had to know that.
“How is Justin?’ Tyler asked casually. Too casually.
“He goes to work and comes home and goes to work and comes home,” Abby said as they added cream and sugar to their coffee.
Misty yawned. “What an exciting life.”
“He’s lonely, I suppose,” Abby said deliberately. “He never goes anywhere.”
“I know somebody else like that,” Tyler murmured with a hard glance at Shelby, who shifted restlessly in her seat.
“How’s the horse business going?” Abby interrupted, posing the question to Tyler as she sipped her coffee.
“Going bust, I’m afraid,” he said heavily. “Dad made some bad investments before he died. So far, I’ve managed to meet the payments. This month I defaulted.” His face hardened. “I’m going to have to sell Geronimo.”
“Oh, Tyler, I’m sorry.” Abby grimaced. “He was your favorite.”
“Mine, too,” Shelby said with a sigh. “But we can’t keep him and pay off Dad’s debts. I don’t suppose you’d want him, Abby?”
“I don’t ride that well,” Misty confessed.
“If I can talk Justin into it I’d like to have him,” Abby said gently.
“Thank you, Abby, but that wouldn’t be a good idea,” Shelby replied. “Justin would go right through the roof if you asked him.”
“Like a rocket,” Tyler said, smiling at Abby. “No, we’ll do it through an agent. We won’t have any problems selling him. I’d rather know who he was going to, that’s all. Some people want a horse strictly for breeding purposes. They look at dollars and cents, not at the horse itself.”
“I’ve got a cousin in Texas,” Misty piped up. “She’s trying to hold on to the ranch all by herself. It’s a horse ranch,” she added. “Does that tell you anything?”
He smiled. “Enough. I’d appreciate it if you’d put her in touch with me.”
“I’ll give her your number, if you don’t mind.”
“Fine.”
Lights gleamed in Shelby’s black hair as she lifted the cup and finished her coffee. Abby wondered at her elfin beauty, and thought it strange that a man like Justin could attract such a lovely woman when he wasn’t handsome or even very personable. Then Abby remembered how kind he’d been to her in Houston, and the way he’d supported her with Calhoun. On the other hand, maybe it wasn’t so surprising that he could attract her. What was surprising was that he’d ever let her go. It made Abby uncomfortable, thinking about how two people could be so much in love one day and bitter enemies the next. Love didn’t last, after all.
“Tyler, we’d better go. I’ve got to call Barry Holman about those bonds and securities we’re selling,” Shelby said gently. “I’m sorry. I’d love to stay and talk. We hardly ever see each other these days, and I guess Justin would burn the house to the ground before he’d let me through the front door to visit you.”
Tyler sighed. “He holds a grudge longer than any man I’ve ever known, that’s for sure. And without reason.”
“No,” Shelby pleaded, her green eyes seeking his. “Please don’t. Abby owes him her loyalty. Don’t put her in the position of having to defend him.”
“Sorry,” he said, his green eyes glittering with controlled rage. Then he smiled at Abby. “There’s a square dance at the dance hall next Friday night. How about going with me?”
Abby hesitated. Justin would be furious, and she didn’t like to think about what Calhoun might say or do. He was so unpredictable lately. On the other hand, going out with Tyler would show Calhoun that she wasn’t going to make eyes at him any more….
“Don’t do it,” Shelby pleaded. “Can’t you see, it will only make things worse.”
“For whom?” Tyler shot back. “Could the situation possibly be any worse for you? My God, you’re living like a nun!”
Shelby put her napkin down with calm, steady fingers. “The way I live is no one’s concern except my own.” She stood up. “Abby, Justin would come down on your head like Judgment. He isn’t the man he was. I’d hate to see you caught in the cross fire.”
“I’m not afraid of him, Shelby,” Abby said gently. “Not much, anyway. I’m trying to get out from under Calhoun’s thumb. Tyler and I would kind of be helping each other.”
“You see,” Tyler told his sister. “And here you were thinking I was just doing it to irritate your ex-fiancé.”
“Well, aren’t you?” Shelby said challengingly.
He lifted his chin arrogantly. “Maybe.”
“Sometimes I wonder if Mom and Dad didn’t find you under a cabbage leaf,” Shelby muttered.
“Not a chance,” Misty mused, looking him up and down. “He’s much too big.”
“Tease,” he said, flirting lazily with Misty as he did with most women. But Tyler was deep, like Shelby, and if there was a special woman, nobody knew except himself. He was discreet about his love life.
“Justin used to laugh, you know,” Shelby told Abby as they walked out together, with Misty and Tyler talking together ahead of them. “He wasn’t always cold and hard and unyielding. Not until I gave him back his ring and made him bitter.” She clutched her purse against her breasts. “Abby, don’t hurt him,” she pleaded, her eyes soft and gentle. “Don’t let Tyler hurt him. He hides it, but he’s so vulnerable….”
“I know that,” Abby said gently. She touched the taller woman’s arm, stung by the look in Shelby’s eyes. Yes, she was vulnerable, too, and Abby sensed that Shelby was still in love with Justin, even now…. “I’m sorry that things have gone so badly for both of you. Justin doesn’t have women, you know. If you live like a nun, he lives like a monk. There isn’t anyone.”
Shelby’s lower lip trembled. She looked away, her head tilting to stop a tear from escaping. “Thank you,” she managed huskily.
Abby wanted to say more, but the others were waiting impatiently. “Ready to go?” she called brightly to Misty. “Okay. Can you keep it under ninety going home? Honest to goodness, I don’t think that car knows any legal speeds!”
“I’m a good driver,” Misty informed her haughtily. “You just come with me and I’ll prove it. So long, Tyler. Shelby.”
“I’ll pick you up at six on Friday,” Tyler told Abby. “Wear something sexy.”
She curtsied. “You’d better bring a baseball bat when you come to the door. And pray that Justin doesn’t have a long cord for his chain saw.”
“Dangerous games, my friend,” Misty told Abby as they drove away. “Justin won’t like it, and he’s pretty frightening when he loses his temper.”
“So is Tyler. But they won’t come to blows. I’ll make sure of it.”
“And what will Calhoun say?” Misty added with a quick glance at Abby.
Abby felt herself going pale. She could feel all over again the terrible crush of his mouth, the shattering intimacy of his body. She swallowed. “He won’t care,” she said coldly.
“Why do it? You’re moving out. Isn’t that enough of a show of independence for you?”
“No.” Abby leaned back against the leather seat and closed her eyes. “But going out with Tyler will be.”
Misty sighed and shook her head. “Well, I’ll remember you in my prayers. Hang on.” She pressed her foot down on the accelerator, and Abby wondered what the Guinness book of world records listed as the top land speed by a wild blonde in a little sports car. Whatever the record was, she thought as she held on for dear life, she’d bet that Misty could break it.
Chapter Six (#ulink_1f3bc852-22ae-5e32-8c52-a1ab381ed475)
Calhoun was gone when Abby got home, and she spent a quiet afternoon watching television. Justin was around long enough to ask about the apartment and to approve Abby’s choice of lodgings. But then he left to deal with some problem at the feedlot.
Abby dreaded the moment when Calhoun would return, because of what had happened that morning. She couldn’t reconcile the man she knew with the stranger who’d been so rough with her. Boys had kissed her before, but lightly and carefully. Calhoun hadn’t been careful, and he’d frightened her with his experience. She’d never experienced adult passion before, and she didn’t know what it was. But surely a man like Calhoun, with his love life, couldn’t have been thrown off balance so completely by a twenty-year-old virgin.
He’d already said he didn’t want her making eyes at him, so maybe he was showing her what she’d be inviting if she let him see her interest. She shivered. What a deft and accurate way he’d picked, if that were the case.
Supper was on the table and she and Justin were about to start serving themselves when Calhoun came in. He sat down, looking worn and rumpled, and poured himself a cup of coffee. He didn’t speak to Abby, and she kept her head down so that he wouldn’t notice her scarlet flush. It wasn’t necessary, anyway, because he didn’t even look at her. He started talking to Justin about a prospective new feedlot customer he’d found, and he kept the conversation going until they were having a second cup of coffee. Abby felt shut out and ignored. When Calhoun finally got up to leave and looked at her, she felt worse than she had in her life.
There was barely controlled anger in his eyes, mingled with something darker, something she didn’t understand. She dropped her eyes and felt her heart race under his cold scrutiny. He acted as if she were the guilty one. Didn’t he realize how he’d hurt her? That his treatment of her had been frightening?
“Hey,” Justin said softly as the outside door opened and closed.
She looked up, her eyes faintly misty. “He didn’t even speak to me,” she whispered.
Justin leaned back in his chair and lit a cigarette, exhaling smoke as he watched her. “He’s been like that all day,” he said. “While you were gone he stared out the window whenever I tried to talk to him. He didn’t even hear me. Finally he lit a cigarette and went outside and just walked.”
She stared at him. “Calhoun stopped smoking years ago.”
He shrugged. “He’s gone through a pack already. You keep telling me that there’s nothing wrong, but my brother goes from bad to worse. Now either you tell me or I’ll beat it out of him. I love him, but I’ve had enough silence.”
Abby swallowed hard. Justin’s tone was unnerving. But she couldn’t tell him what Calhoun had done. Justin was unpredictable, and she didn’t want him to rake Calhoun over the coals for something that in all honesty she’d helped to provoke.
Then she remembered what she’d said to Calhoun, and suddenly all the pieces of the puzzle fit together. She must have hurt Calhoun’s pride with what she’d said and done after he’d kissed her so intimately. The more she thought about it, the worse she felt. For months she’d dreamed of having him kiss her. Then he had, and she’d been too frightened by his experienced bulldozer technique to even respond. She’d behaved like a child.
Justin lifted an eyebrow and waited expectantly. When she didn’t say anything, he prodded, “Well?”
“I said some terrible things to him,” she confessed finally. “I was jealous.”
“And hurt,” he said perceptively.
“And hurt,” she sighed. Her blue-gray eyes met his dark ones. “Oh, Justin, he hates me. And I can’t even blame him. I hurt his pride so badly that I don’t imagine he’ll ever talk to me again.”
“Incredible, isn’t it, that you could hurt him,” he mused. “When women have been trying for years to get through that thick hide and never have.”
“He’s been responsible for me for a long time,” she said quietly. “I guess it’s hard for him to let go.”
“Maybe,” he said. He took another draw on the cigarette. “Maybe not. He’s acting strangely lately.”
“Maybe he’s got the gout or something,” she suggested with a slight smile.
“Or something.”
She sipped her coffee so that she’d have something to do with her hands. She had to talk to Justin about Friday night, and it was only just dawning on her how difficult it was going to be.
“Justin, I have to tell you something.”
His dark eyebrows lifted. “This sounds serious,” he said with a faint smile.
“It is. And I hope you won’t get mad at me.”
His chin lifted. “Is it about the Jacobses?”
“I’m afraid so,” she sighed. She looked at her coffee, because his eyes were getting darker by the second. “Tyler asked me to a square dance Friday night, and I said I’d go.” She clenched her teeth, waiting for the outburst. When it didn’t come, she looked up. He was watching her, but without any particular anger. She continued quickly, “I don’t have to let him pick me up here. I can meet him at the dance. In fact, Shelby did her best to stop him from asking me, because she didn’t want to upset you.”
Something passed across his face, too fleeting to identify. But for one wild second his eyes were soft and quiet and full of wonder. Then it was gone, and he stared down at his glowing cigarette. “Did she?”
“She didn’t want Tyler to make any trouble,” Abby said gently.
“It’s been six years,” he said after a minute, his face quiet and oddly gentle. “Six long, empty years. I’ve hated her, and I’ve hated the family. I guess I could go on hating them until we’re all dead. But it wouldn’t change anything. It’s all over and done with, a long time ago.”
“She’s so lovely,” Abby said.
Justin winced, and there were memories in his dark eyes, in his taut face. He crushed out his cigarette roughly. “Tyler can pick you up here,” he said abruptly, and got to his feet. “I won’t give him a hard time.”
She looked up as he passed by her chair and then down at her cup, thoughtfully. “She lives like a nun, you know. Tyler says she hasn’t dated anyone for years.”
Abby thought he stopped then, just for a second, but it might have been her imagination, because he kept walking and he didn’t say a word.
What a pity, Abby thought with quiet melancholy, that love could die so violent a death. And the saddest part of it was that in spite of what Justin said, she’d have bet Justin and Shelby were still madly in love, even though it had been six years since they’d broken up. What had Shelby done to make Justin turn against her so vehemently? Surely just being given back his engagement ring wouldn’t make a man so vindictive!
Abby got up from the table and went to her room. It was much too early to go to bed, but she didn’t relish the idea of staying downstairs and having Calhoun stare holes through her. Avoiding him had suddenly become imperative.
That wasn’t too hard. But avoiding the memories that lingered in her room was. The wall where he’d pinned her with his big body and kissed the breath out of her was all too empty. In the end she pushed a bookcase against it, just to keep her mind from replaying the scene.
She went to work as usual for the rest of the week, and so did Calhoun. But there was a difference. There was no soft greeting, no smile, no teasing grin. This Calhoun was more and more like his older brother. The fun had gone out of him, leaving behind a hard, formidable businessman who alternately ignored Abby or chewed her out for any nervous mistakes she made. It was impossible to get near him, even to talk.
By quitting time on Friday, she was a nervous wreck. She looked forward to the square dance like a doomed prisoner coveting an appeal. At least the dance would get her out of the house and take her mind off Calhoun. Not that she expected him to be home on a weekend. He’d probably be up in Houston with his model. Abby gritted her teeth as she thought about that.
Hindsight was a sad thing, Abby reflected, and she’d only begun to realize why Calhoun had been out of control with her in the bedroom. It hadn’t been because he was angry or because he was punishing her. He’d been out of control because he’d wanted her. She was almost sure of it now, having asked Misty some subtle but intimate questions about men. Calhoun had wanted her, and she’d stabbed his pride bloody. She could have cried, because she’d had his attention and hadn’t even known it. He was well and truly cured now. He didn’t speak to her unless he had to, and he avoided her like the plague. She was glad she’d had that room reserved at the boarding house, because she had a feeling she was going to need it any time now.
She dressed in a red-checked full skirt with several crinolines and a perky white blouse with puffy short sleeves and a button front. It was almost March, but it was still cold, and she got out her long tan coat to wear with it. Tyler was due at six, and it was almost that when she went downstairs, her long hair silky and clean around her shoulders, wearing just enough makeup to give her a rosy-cheeked glow. She’d never wished more that she was blond or that she could have a second chance with Calhoun. Just her luck, she thought miserably as she made her way down the staircase, to foul everything up on the first try. Why hadn’t she realized that Calhoun felt passion, not anger? Why hadn’t she waited to give him a chance to be tender? He probably would have been if she hadn’t struggled with him.
She reached the bottom of the staircase just in time to watch Calhoun open the front door for Tyler, because Maria and Lopez had the night off. Abby’s heart jumped helplessly at the sight of those broad shoulders and that long back. Calhoun was so big he even towered over Tyler.
Abby’s body tensed as she wondered if Justin had told Calhoun she’d be going out with Tyler. But he finally opened the door all the way and let the other man inside.
Tyler, in jeans and a red checked Western shirt and bandanna and denim jacket, looked as Western as a man could get, from his black boots to his black hat. Calhoun was dressed in a similar fashion, except that his shirt was blue. They stared at each other for a long moment before Calhoun broke the silence.
“Justin said you were taking Abby out,” he said tersely. “You can wait in the living room if you like.”
“Thanks,” Tyler said, equally tersely, as he met Calhoun’s eyes and glanced away.
“I’m already dressed,” Abby said with forced cheerfulness, smiling at Tyler and getting a smile back. She didn’t look at Calhoun. She couldn’t. It would have been like putting a knife in her heart.
“Then let’s go,” Tyler replied. “I hear the Jones boys are going to play tonight. You remember Ted Jones, Calhoun; he was in our senior class back in high school.”
“I remember him,” Calhoun said quietly. There was a smoking cigarette in his hand, and he looked like a stranger.
A minute later, Justin came out of his study, stopping short when he saw the three of them. He and Calhoun were wearing almost identical clothing, and it was odd for Justin to dress up on a Friday night. Unless…
“Where are you off to?” Abby asked the oldest of the three men with a smile.
“The square dance, of course,” Justin said, glancing at Tyler. “Not to keep tabs on her, in case you were wondering,” he added with a cold smile. “We’re meeting a business contact there.”
Abby’s heart jumped. Calhoun was going to the dance, too. She hated her own helpless pleasure at the thought that she might have at least a few minutes in his arms.
Tyler studied Justin warily. “You aren’t meeting Fred Harriman, by any chance?”
Justin’s eyebrows arched. “Yes. Why?”
Tyler grimaced. “He just bought our place.”
Calhoun caught his breath. “For God’s sake, you weren’t forced out?”
“I’m afraid so,” Tyler replied with a sigh. “Funny, you never think you’ll go under. I was sure that I could undo the damage Dad had done, but I was too late. At least it’s not a complete loss. We’ve still got a couple of stallions, and we can hold on to at least the house and an acre or two of land.”
“If you need a job, we’ve got one open at the feedlot,” Justin said unexpectedly. “It’s not charity, damn it,” he added when he saw Tyler’s incredulous look and glinting green eyes. “I don’t have to like you to know how good you are with livestock.”
“That’s a fact,” Calhoun agreed, raising a cigarette to his chiseled mouth. “The door’s open.”
Abby, watching them, was struck by the sheer force of so much masculinity at close range. The three of them were like patterns cut from the same rough cloth. Long, tall Texans. She was suddenly proud to be a friend to two of them, even if the third hated her.
“Thanks for the offer, then,” Tyler said. He stared at Justin. “I didn’t think you went to dances, business or not.”
“I don’t. Calhoun gets drunk if I don’t baby-sit him,” he said, grinning at his brother’s outraged expression.
“Like hell I do,” Calhoun replied. “I remember a night when you tied one on royally and I put you to bed.”
Justin pursed his lips. “We all lose our heads occasionally,” he said. “Don’t we, Abby?” he added with a glance in her direction and then in Calhoun’s. Abby flushed, and Calhoun turned his back and headed for the front door, holding it open for the rest of them without another word. Justin only smiled.
“Shelby’s going, too,” Tyler remarked to Abby as they walked out. “I had to twist her arm, but she needs some diversion. She’s working a six-day week for the first time in her life, and it’s rough.”
Justin didn’t say a word, but if that quiet unblinking gaze meant what Abby thought it did, he was listening intently. She wondered just how many fireworks a dance hall could stand. Behind her, Calhoun was glaring at her and at Tyler with a scowl so hot that she would have grown warm if she’d seen it.
The dance hall was jumping. The Jones boys’ band was playing a toe-tapping Western medley, and the dance floor was full. Old Ben Joiner, his fiddle in his hand, was calling the dance, his voice rising deep and clear above the music as he told the dancers what to do and when.
“Nice crowd,” Tyler remarked. He and Abby had arrived after Justin and Calhoun. The two of them were at a table with a third man who looked pitifully out of place.
“Yes, it is nice. What do the brothers want with Fred Harriman, I wonder?” she asked, thinking out loud as she and Tyler headed toward the table where Shelby was sitting all alone.
“You’re in a position to know better than I am,” Tyler returned, “but I expect he wants the brothers to feed out his new cattle for him.” Tyler glanced at his sister and saw where her big, soulful green eyes were staring. “God, she’s got it bad,” he said under his breath.
Abby noticed, too, and touched his sleeve. “Justin doesn’t date, either. Do you suppose there’s any chance for them?”
“Not after what he thinks she did,” Tyler replied tersely. “And talking about it won’t butter any biscuits. Hi, sis,” he said more loudly, smiling at his sister as he pulled out a chair for Abby and then sat down himself.
“Hi,” Shelby said with a grin. “Abby, you look gorgeous.”
“So do you.” Abby sighed. “You don’t know what I’d give to be as pretty as you are.”
“Oh, go on,” Shelby murmured, embarrassed. But she did look pretty, her dark hair coiled on her head with a bow holding it, her green Western-style dress exactly matching her eyes and showing off her beautiful figure.
“I wish things had worked out for you. Your job must be rough,” Abby commiserated.
Shelby smiled back. “Oh, I like it,” she said. “And at least we’ve got the house. We’ll finish the last details of the sale next week, and then all the gossip will die down and we’ll have our privacy back.” She picked up her glass of ginger ale and sipped it. “I hope you don’t mind my being a third wheel….”
“You go on,” Abby replied. “You know Ty and I are just friends. I’m glad to have your company, and I’m sure your brother is, too.”
Tyler smiled, but the look he sent her over Shelby’s oblivious head wasn’t quite platonic.
“Let’s get in that next set,” Tyler said, pulling Abby up by the hand. “Shelby, order Abby and me a ginger ale, would you?” he asked his sister.
She grinned. “Of course.”
Abby stared at Tyler as he led her into the throng of dancers. “I can have a gin and tonic if I want to.”
“Not while you’re out with me,” he said firmly, leading her into place in front of him. “I don’t drink. That means you don’t drink.”
“Spoilsport,” she sighed.
He chuckled. “Shame on you. You don’t need booze to have a good time.”
“I know. But I had looked forward to being treated like an adult,” she told him.
“Well, don’t give up hope,” he said, his voice deep and soft as his lean hand curled around her waist. “The night’s still young yet.”
Abby smiled, because of course he was just flirting. She let him jostle her around the dance floor, graceful on his feet, expertly leading her through the twists and turns and shuffles and exchanges. Abby was having a great time until she glanced at the table where Justin and Calhoun were sitting. Justin’s dark eyes kept darting over to Shelby. Abby was too far away to read his expression. Calhoun, on the other hand, was glaring at Abby and Tyler with enough venom for ten rattlesnakes.
Her heart leaped at the jealousy she saw on his face. Maybe there was still a little hope. The thought perked her up, and she began to smile, and then to laugh. Tyler mistook her response for pleasure in his company, and so did Calhoun. By the time the dance was over, Abby was caught in the middle of a building storm.
It threatened to explode when Calhoun, sick of watching Abby with Tyler, went and asked Shelby to dance.
Shelby was hesitant because Justin had just straightened at his table and looked capable of starting a world war all by himself.
“He won’t mind,” Calhoun said. “You look lonely sitting here by yourself.”
“Oh, Calhoun, don’t start anything,” she pleaded.
“I won’t,” he promised. “Now come and dance with me.”
Shelby gave in, but her lovely face was troubled.
Abby watched them go onto the dance floor, and her spirits fell. Shelby and Calhoun looked good together, her brunette beauty a perfect foil for his blond good looks. Abby felt plain and unattractive by comparison. She stared at Ty’s chest, hopelessly depressed. What if Calhoun had come because of Shelby? What if he was courting her now? She felt sick.
“I feel like I’m sitting on a time bomb,” Tyler mused as he watched Calhoun and Shelby and then got a look at Justin’s face. “I don’t know what Calhoun’s up to, but Justin looks dangerous. Even if he hates my sister, he still seems to consider her his personal property. Would you look at that scowl?”
Abby saw Justin’s expression and was ashamed of herself for wishing he would get out of his chair and beat the hell out of Calhoun. She flushed with embarrassment. “If Justin was dancing with another woman, how do you think Shelby would feel?” she asked, looking up at him.
He pursed his lips, his green eyes dancing as they searched her face. “I hadn’t considered that.”
“Calhoun probably thought Shelby was uncomfortable sitting by herself with nobody to dance with,” Abby added.
Tyler sighed, his eyes wandering quietly over Abby’s distracted expression as she looked toward the other couple on the floor. And all at once a lot of things became clear for him. Foremost was that Abby was jealous. Her eyes weren’t any softer than Justin’s. If she wasn’t already in love with Calhoun, she was well on the way to it. Tyler felt all his chances slipping away, and there wasn’t a thing he could do about it.
The evening wore on, and the tension rose. Calhoun seemed to enjoy dancing with Shelby. Abby stuck with Tyler. Justin sat and drank quietly by himself after he finished his business with the other gentleman, who left. The tall man began to look more coldly violent by the minute.
Toward the end of the dance, Calhoun left Shelby long enough to saunter over to Abby, who was sipping ginger ale while Tyler spoke to someone he knew at a nearby table. Abby hadn’t been watching Calhoun, because he was making her miserable. He didn’t smile at her anymore. He hated her, she was sure of it. So when Calhoun appeared in front of her, Abby grew flustered and nervous and almost spilled her drink.
Calhoun saw the nervous motion, and it gave him hope. “How about dancing one with me?” he asked quietly.
She looked up, her eyes searching his face almost hungrily. “No, I’d better not,” she said softly.
He caught his breath at the wounded sound in her voice. “Abby, why not?” he asked.
“It might hurt Shelby’s feelings,” she said, and turned away, searching the room desperately for Tyler. “I can’t imagine where Tyler got to,” she added huskily.
Calhoun looked like a radio with the transistors removed. He blinked, doubting that he’d really heard what she’d just said. Shelby might be hurt? Surely she didn’t think—It suddenly dawned on him that if Abby was crazy enough to imagine he was getting involved with Shelby, Justin might, too.
He turned toward the table where Justin was sitting like a statue, and whistled under his breath. “Oh, my God,” he breathed. “I’ve done it now.”
Abby didn’t say another word. She watched Calhoun move through the crowd toward Justin and wondered absently if his life insurance was paid up. Justin looked murderous.
There were two full ashtrays in front of Justin, and one half-empty whisky glass. The older man drank on occasion, but usually not when he was angry. If he did, he limited himself to one drink. The glass was what told Calhoun how angry his older brother was.
Calhoun sat down across from him, leaning back to study the older man. “She was lonely,” he told Justin.
Justin drained his glass and rose, his eyes blacker than Calhoun had seen them in a long time. “Then I’ll see what I can do about it.”
While Calhoun was catching his breath, Justin walked to Shelby’s table. He didn’t say a word. He looked at the woman until her face colored, then simply held out his hand. She put hers into it. He pulled her onto the dance floor, and they melted into each other to a slow, dreamy tune.
Abby sighed as she watched them. They were stiff, as if there were more than just space between them, but the look on Shelby’s face was hauntingly beautiful. His expression was less easily read, hard and rigid. But Abby would have bet that he was as close to heaven as he’d been in six years.
“How about that for a surprise?” Tyler murmured over her head, watching. “My God, look at them. They’re like two halves of a whole.”
“Why did they ever split up?” she asked him.
“I don’t know,” he said with a sigh. “I think my father was mixed up in it somehow, and one of his friends. But Shelby never talks about it. All I know is that she gave him back his ring and he’s been bitter ever since.”
As the music ended, the couple stopped dancing. Justin released Shelby very slowly and abruptly turned and walked out of the dance hall. After a minute, Shelby went back and sat down. Calhoun returned to the table.
Abby, turning to watch Calhoun bend toward Shelby, felt even sicker when she saw Shelby get up and leave the building, holding Calhoun’s arm.
She toughed it out for several more dances, but when Calhoun didn’t come back, she finally realized that he’d more than likely taken Shelby home. And was still there…
“Can we go home, Ty?” she asked huskily.
“Are you sure that’s what you want?” Ty asked, his voice full of sympathy.
“I’m tired,” Abby replied, and it was no lie. She really was. She was tired of watching Calhoun in action. First the blonde, now Shelby, and all in one week. But plain little Abby didn’t figure in his world. She didn’t even matter. She looked up at Ty, her eyes misty with unshed tears. “Do you mind?”
“Of course I mind,” he said gently. “But if that’s what you want, we’ll go.”
Abby didn’t speak all the way home. It was unlike Calhoun to deliberately start trouble. It was almost as if he were getting back at Justin for something, but for what? Justin hadn’t done anything to him.
Tyler walked her up the steps onto the long front porch with its graceful arches and porch furniture.
“Sorry the evening ended so abruptly,” Tyler said. “But I hope you had fun.”
“I did, honestly,” she said, smiling up at him.
He took a deep breath and bent toward her hesitantly. When she didn’t resist, he brushed his mouth gently against hers. There was no response, and after a minute he lifted his dark head.
His green eyes searched hers, and he wasn’t smiling. “You don’t have a clue, do you, honey?” he asked gently. “And I think it’s lack of interest more than just lack of experience.”
“You think I’m green as grass, too, I guess,” she sighed miserably.
He cocked an eyebrow and tweaked her chin with his lean fingers. “So that’s how it is.” He pursed his lips. “Well, little Abby, with some cooperation from you I could take care of the green part in about five minutes. But I think that’s a lesson the man you’re mooning over should teach you.” He touched his lips to her forehead. “I hope he appreciates his good luck. You’re a special girl.”
“He doesn’t think so, but I’m glad you do.” She looked up at him with a faint smile. “I wish it could be you.”
His expression hardened for just an instant before the old mocking humor came back. “So do I. Want to go to dinner one night? Just a friendly dinner. I know when a door’s being closed, so you won’t have any worries on that score.”
Her smile grew brighter. “You’re a nice man.”
“Not always.” He touched her cheek gently. “Good night.”
“Good night, Tyler. I had a good time.”
“So did I.”
He took the steps two at a time, and Abby stood quietly, watching him drive off. It was a long time before she turned and went into the house.
She closed the front door and started toward the staircase, only to be stopped in her tracks by an off-key rendition of a Mexican drinking song. Somewhere in the back of her mind she recognized it as one Justin sang on the very rare occasions when he had had too many glasses of whiskey.
Chapter Seven (#ulink_25a55fe4-5b58-50e8-972d-e363f4f0d4b2)
Abby went all the way inside the house and closed the door. Then she slipped down the hall to the study and peeked in.
Justin was holding a square whiskey glass. It was empty. He was sprawled on the leather sofa with his dark hair in his eyes and his shirt rumpled, one big boot propped on the spotless leather seat, singing for all he was worth. On the coffee table beside him were a smokeless ashtray, a crumpled cigarette pack, a fresh cigarette pack, and half a bottle of whiskey.
“No puedo hacer…” He stopped at the sound of her footsteps and looked up at her with bloodshot eyes.
“Oh, Justin,” she moaned.
“Hello, Abby. Want a snort?”
She grimaced at the glass he held up. “It’s empty,” she told him.
He stared at it. “Damn. I guess it is. Well, I’ll fill it up, then.”
He threw his leg off the sofa, almost ending up on the floor in the process.
Abby put down her purse and coat and helped him onto the sofa. “Justin, this won’t help,” she said. “You know it won’t.”
“She cried,” Justin murmured. “Damn it, she cried. And he took her home. I want to kill him, Abby,” he said, his eyes blazing, his voice harsh. “My own brother, and I want to kill him because he went off with her!”
She bit her lower lip. She didn’t know what to say, what to do. Justin never drank, and he never complained. But he looked as if he were dying, and Abby could sympathize. She’d felt that way, too, when Calhoun had left with Shelby.
“I saw them go,” he ground out. He put his face in his lean hands and sighed heavily. “She’s part of me. Still part of me after all the years, all the pain. Calhoun knew it, Abby, he did it deliberately….”
“Calhoun loves you,” she defended him. “He wouldn’t hurt you on purpose.”
“Any man could fall in love with her,” he kept on. “Shelby’s beautiful. A dream walking.”
Abby knew how attractive Shelby was. The knowledge didn’t help her own sense of failure, her own lack of confidence or her breaking heart.
“Drinking isn’t the answer,” she said softly. She touched his arm. “Justin, get some sleep.”
“How can I sleep when he’s with her?”
“He won’t be for long. Tyler just went home,” she said tautly.
He took a deep breath, letting it out in jerks. His hands came away from his eyes. “I don’t know much about women, Abby,” he said absently. “I don’t have Calhoun’s charm, or his experience, or his looks.”
She felt a sense of kinship with him then, because she had the same problem. Justin had always seemed so self-assured that she’d never thought of him having the same doubts and fears that she did.
“And I don’t have Shelby’s assets,” Abby confessed. She sat down beside him. “I guess we’d both lose a beauty contest. I wish I was blond, Justin.”
“I wish I had a black book.” Justin sighed.
She grinned at him, and he grinned back. He poured whiskey into the glass, getting half again as much on the heavy coffee table. “Here,” he offered it to her. “To hell with both of them. Have a shot of ego salve.”
“Thanks, masked man,” she sighed, taking it. “Don’t mind if I do.”
It tasted horrible. “Can you really drink this stuff and live?” she wondered. “It smells like what you put in the gas tank.”
“It’s Scotch whiskey,” he returned. “Cutty Sark.”
“It would cutty a shark all right,” she mused, sipping it.
“Not cutty a shark. Cutty Shark. Sark. Hell.” He took the glass and finished what little whiskey she’d left. “Now, if you’re going to drink Cutty Sark, Abby, you have to learn to sing properly. I’ll teach you this song I learned down in Mexico, okay?”
And he proceeded to do just that. When Calhoun walked in the front door about thirty minutes later, there was a very loud off-key chorus coming from the study.
He stared in the door incredulously. Justin was lying back on the sofa, his hair in his eyes, one knee lifted, a whiskey bottle in his hand. Abby was lying against his uplifted knee, her legs thrown over the coffee table, sipping from a whiskey glass. She looked as disreputable as his brother did, and both of them looked soaked to the back teeth.
“What in hell is going on?” Calhoun asked as he leaned against the doorjamb.
“We hate you,” Abby informed him, lifting her glass in a toast.
“Amen.” Justin grinned.
“And just as soon as we get through drinking and singing, we’re going to go down to the feedlot and open all the gates, and you can spend the rest of the night chasing cows.” She smiled drunkenly. “Justin and I figure that’s what you do best, anyway. Chasing females, that is. So it doesn’t matter what species, does it, old buddy?” she asked Justin, twisting her head back against his knee.
“Nope,” Justin agreed. He lifted the whiskey bottle to his lips, rolling backward a little as he sipped it.
“We were going to lock you out,” Abby added, blinking, “but we couldn’t get up to put on the chain latches.”
“My God.” Calhoun shook his head at the spectacle they made. “I wish I had a camera.”
“What for?” Justin asked pleasantly.
“Never mind.” Calhoun unbuttoned his cuffs and rolled up his sleeves. “I’ll make some black coffee.”
“Don’t want any,” Abby murmured drowsily. “It would mess up our systems.”
“That’s right,” Justin agreed.
“You’ll see messed-up systems by morning, all right.” Calhoun grimaced and moved off toward the kitchen.
“We should check his collar for lipstick!” Abby told Justin in a stage whisper.
“Good idea,” Justin frowned. He started to sit up, then fell back against the arm of the sofa, cradling the bottle. “In a minute. I have to rest first.”
“That’s okay,” she said. “I’ll do it.” She yawned. “When he gets back.” Her eyes closed.
By the time Calhoun got back, they were both snoring. The whiskey bottle was lying on the floor, with the neck in Justin’s lean hand. Calhoun righted it and put it on the table along with Abby’s empty glass. The sight of them was as puzzling as it was amusing. Both Justin and Abby were usually the teetotalers at any gathering, and here they were soused. He wondered if his leaving with Shelby had set them off and realized that it probably had. In Justin’s case it was understandable. But Abby’s state was less easily understood, after the way she’d treated him since he’d kissed her. Unless…
He frowned, his dark eyes quiet and curious as he watched her flushed, sleeping face. Unless she’d finally realized why he’d been rough with her and was regretting her hot words. Was that possible? She’d seemed jealous of the time he’d spent with Shelby at the dance, and here she was three sheets to the wind. Well, well. Miracles did happen, it seemed.
He still wasn’t sure about Tyler Jacobs’s feelings toward Abby, but at least now he didn’t have to worry about Justin’s. If just seeing his brother with Shelby had this effect on Justin, he was still crazy about Shelby.
Calhoun lifted Abby and sat her crookedly in a chair while he laid Justin down on the sofa, pulled the older man’s big boots off and covered him with one of the colorful serapes that were draped on chairs all over the room. Then he swung Abby up in his arms, balanced her on his knee while he turned off the overhead light, and closed the study door. Justin was going to hate himself in the morning.
Abby stirred as he carried her up the staircase. Her eyes flickered open, and she stared up drunkenly at the hard, quiet face above hers.
“You’re with Shelby,” she muttered drowsily. “We know you are. We know what you’re doing, too.” She laughed bitterly, then sighed and broke into the Mexican song Justin had taught her.
“Stop that.” Calhoun scowled at her. “My God, you shouldn’t use language like that.”
“What language?”
“That song Justin taught you,” he muttered, topping the staircase and heading down the hall toward her room. “It’s vulgar as all hell.”
“He didn’t say it was.”
“Of course he didn’t. He wouldn’t have taught it to you if he’d been sober. He’ll have a heart attack if he hears you singing it when he’s back on his feet.”
“Want me to teach it to you?” she asked.
“I already know it.”
“That isn’t surprising,” she sighed. She closed her eyes as he walked through the open door into her room and kicked it shut behind him. There were memories in this room, he thought angrily as he headed toward the bed. Abby, half-naked on that pink coverlet. Abby’s soft body under his against that far wall—where she’d put a bookcase. He frowned at it. The new furniture arrangement was fairly revealing. Why would she shift the bookcase there unless it bothered her to remember?
He laid her down on the bed and watched her curl up. “No, you don’t,” he murmured. “You can’t go to sleep like that.”
She yawned. “Yes, I can.”
He pulled off her shoes, and after a moment’s hesitation his hard fingers went to her skirt. He removed it and about a hundred layers of full underskirts, and then her panty hose and blouse. Under it all, she was wearing dainty pink lace briefs and a matching bra that was no cover at all over her full, firm breasts.
This, he thought as he looked at her, was a hell of a mistake. But she was the most delicious little morsel. Her body was perfect, the most beautiful he’d seen in his life. And when he realized just how innocent she was, how untouched, his body rippled with pleasure mingled with need.
She sighed then, and her eyes opened. She searched his face, watching where his gaze had fallen. “You undressed me,” she said.
“You couldn’t sleep in that rig,” he replied tautly.
“I guess not.” She knew it should bother her that he was seeing her like this, in those wispy pink things she’d been crazy enough to buy at Misty’s insistence. But if the way he was staring at her was any indication, he seemed to like what he saw.
“Do you have pajamas or a gown?” he asked after a minute.
“A gown. Under my pillow.”
He managed to make his legs move and took out a bit of material that would cover no more of her than her underwear. “You’ll freeze to death in this thing,” he muttered.
“Misty said it was a sexy outfit,” she said drowsily. She moved, her long hair framing her oval face with its delicate flush, her pale blue-gray eyes enormous as they searched the faintly blurred outline of his body. “I thought I’d seduce Ty,” she added. “He likes me.”
His face hardened. “Like hell you will,” he said shortly.
“You did that to Shelby,” she accused. “Shame on you, when Justin loves her.”
“I didn’t touch Shelby,” he returned. “I left her at her front door and went back to the dance hall looking for you.”
“I wasn’t there,” she murmured.
“Obviously.” He didn’t mention that he’d had to fight the urge to go looking for Tyler’s car in case he and Abby were parked somewhere. The thought of her with Ty made him want to do something violent.
“Justin is going to beat you up when he can stand up again,” she told him gaily.
“I guess he’s entitled.” Calhoun sighed. “I sure as hell made a mess of things.” He sat down beside her, his eyes reluctantly leaving the long, sweet line of her legs and hips and the open seductiveness of her almost-bare breasts. “Do you know how perfect you are?” he said absently.
She was suddenly cold sober. Her eyes opened wide, searching his. “Me?”
“You,” he said harshly. “From your legs to your hips to those sweet, pretty brea—” He stopped, hating his own vulnerability. “Come here.” He put the gown in her lap and drew her into a sitting position, watching the tips of her firm breasts suddenly harden. He caught his breath.
She looked up at him curiously. “What’s wrong?”
“This.” He touched her delicately, only the back of his knuckles rubbing softly against her nipples. She pulled away, her breath audible, and he lifted his head to search her shocked eyes.
She looked back at him, relaxed from the alcohol, all her deeply buried longings surfacing without the restraint of a usually protective mind. She touched the back of his hand and intertwined her fingers with his. And then she pulled gently, watching as she drew his hand across her breasts.
“Abby…” he ground out.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “About what I said that morning. About how I…reacted.” She swallowed, searching for courage. She opened his fingers and pressed them hesitantly just underneath her breast, lifting them so that he could feel the swell against his skin.
“Don’t, for God’s sake,” he groaned.
She moved his hand against her, drowning in the sweetness of his touch, arching toward it. Both her hands went there, pushing his fingers completely over her. “Calhoun,” she moaned. She felt so weak that she thought she’d have to lie down again, but she couldn’t let go of his hand.
“You aren’t sober enough,” he whispered roughly, although the feel of her was doing terrible things to his self-control. He was already going rigid with need as he followed her down.
“I’m not sober enough to be afraid,” she whispered. Her eyes searched his glittering eyes. “Teach me.”
He actually shuddered. “I can’t.”
“Why?” she asked. “Because I’m plain and unsophisticated, because I’m not blond—” Her voice broke.
So did his control. He leaned down, his smoky breath mingling with hers as his hand cupped her. “Because you’re a virgin,” he breathed into her mouth as he took it.
She moaned. It was sweet, so sweet. Nothing like that other time, when he’d been rough and hadn’t given her enough room to respond. He’d been impatient and demanding, but now he was gentle. His fingers stroked her body from her breasts to her waist to her flat stomach. His mouth teased at hers, probed it, traced it in a silence that was thick with sensual pleasure. Abby felt warm all over, safe and cared-about. She let her lips admit the probing of his tongue, admit him into the sweet darkness of her mouth. She didn’t even protest when the kiss grew much deeper, much slower, or when she felt his hand slide under her to find the catch at her back.
The air was cool on her body. He removed the lacy covering that was no covering at all, and his hands were heaven on her hot skin. She moaned, helping him, pressing his fingers against her, drawing them over her hungry body.
“Abby,” he groaned against her mouth, half-crazy with the hunger to make love to her completely, to salve the ache that was throbbing through his body.
She opened her eyes, letting her gaze fall lazily to his chest. Her hands went to his shirt, and she worked at the buttons, feeling him tense. But he didn’t protest, even though his heartbeat was shaking his big body as it lay beside hers.
“There,” she whispered when she could see and touch the thick wedge of hair that ran down to his belt. “I’ll bet women love to touch you there,” she murmured as she pressed her fingers hungrily against him.
“I’ve never let a woman touch me like this before,” he said huskily. “I didn’t like it until now.”
Her eyes searched his, and she shifted restlessly on the coverlet, hungry, aching for something without a name, without an image.
“What do you want?” he asked gruffly, searching her eyes. “Tell me. I’ll do anything you want me to.”
She swallowed, and her lips parted unsteadily. She took his head in her hands and tugged at it, lifting her body. And he understood without her having to put it into words.
“Here?” he whispered tenderly, and put his open mouth completely over the swollen tip of her breast.
She moaned helplessly. It was beyond her wildest imaginings of what passion would feel like. Her body was in control. Her mind could only watch, it couldn’t slow down what was happening. She twisted the cool, thick strands of his blond hair while he smoothed his warm mouth over her breasts and stomach, her faint cries encouraging him, her body welcoming him.
His mouth slid back up to meet hers. And as she opened her own lips to welcome him, she felt his body slowly cover her.
Her eyes opened then as his mouth lifted fractionally, and she watched his face, hard with passion, as his body fit itself perfectly to her slenderness.
She barely breathed, her eyes wide and full of new knowledge as she felt him intimately and knew without words how badly he wanted her.
“Are you afraid this time?” he whispered quietly.
“I should be,” she replied. She reached up and touched his face as he drew his chest slowly, teasingly over her breasts. Her breath caught, but she traced his eyebrows, his cheeks, his mouth with fingers that trembled and adored him.
His big, callused hands slid under her back, lifting her up into the curve of his body. “I want you, Abby,” he whispered, bending to her mouth as his body shuddered over hers. “I want you so much….”
She curled her arms around his head and held his mouth against her eager one. “I want you, too, Calhoun,” she whispered into his mouth.
He almost lost control completely then. He kissed her until he had to stop for breath, his body shuddering rhythmically, his knee between her long, soft legs, his hand low on her hips. He felt her trembling and heard her whimper. Oddly, it brought him to his senses.
Slowly, so slowly, he rolled onto his side, bringing her with him, cradling her against his damp body. He slid his hands to her head, holding her forehead to his throbbing chest.
“Lie still, honey,” he whispered raggedly when she began to move again. He caught her hips and stilled them. “Just lie against me and breathe. It will be all right in a minute. Lie still, baby.”
Her hands were flat against his chest, trembling there in the thick mat of hair, and she felt his unsteady breathing against her hair. He was as shaken as she was, but why had he stopped? She didn’t understand. If he wanted her, then why had he stopped?
“Sweet thing,” he breathed when the tremor was almost out of his big arms. “Sweet, precious thing, another few seconds and nothing on earth would have stopped me, did you know?”
She nuzzled her head against him. “Why did you stop?” she asked dazedly.
He tilted her head back on the pillow and smiled into her drowsy eyes. “Don’t you know?”
“Because I’m not blond, I guess,” she sighed, almost weeping with frustration and disappointment.
“Because you’re not lucid,” he corrected. He brushed the long, soft hair away from her face. “Abby, you’re half lit.”
“I want you,” she moaned.
“I know. I can see it. Feel it.” He hugged her close for a minute, because he was almost in control now. Then he let go and quickly and efficiently slid her into her gown. “Sit up, honey.”
She did, and he eased back the covers and helped her get under them. She lay quietly beneath two layers of fabric and blinked at him sleepily. “Calhoun, stay with me,” she whispered.
He smiled gently, his dark eyes possessive on her flushed face. “Justin would love finding us in your bed together. He’d probably make me marry you.”
“And I guess that would be the end of your world,” she replied.
His expression hardened. He drew in a slow breath and touched her cheek gently, thoughtfully. “I’ve been alone a long time. I like being my own boss, answering to no one. I’ve been a rounder, and in some ways I still am. I’m a bad marriage risk.”
“One woman wouldn’t satisfy you, I guess,” she murmured, hiding her eyes from him. All her dreams were dead now. Every last one. He wanted her, but not enough for marriage. He was telling her so.
He shrugged, confused and feeling faintly hunted. “One woman never has,” he said curtly. “I don’t want to be tied.”
“God forbid that I should try,” Abby said, forcing a smile. “Don’t worry, Calhoun, I was just…experimenting. I wondered why you were so rough with me the other morning, and I wanted to see if passion made people rough. I guess it does, because that’s how I felt tonight. Thanks for the…the lesson.”
He frowned slightly, searching her eyes. “Is that all it felt like. An experiment? A lesson in making love?”
“Tyler said I needed teaching,” she said with a yawn, missing the flash of fury in his face. “But I don’t anymore.” She closed her eyes and turned her face against the pillow. “I’m sleepy.”
Calhoun sat watching her, his eyes stormy. She’d used him. That was all she’d wanted. She’d been experimenting, seeing how it felt to be touched. Damn her!
He got up, glaring at the lacy bra he’d removed from her soft breasts just before she’d let him touch them. Let him! God, she’d helped him! His blood ran hot at the memory of how uninhibited she’d been with him tonight. Had she been competing with Shelby, or had it been curiosity alone? Could she care about him and be hiding it? And how did he feel? Did he just want her physically, or was it more than that? Could he bear the loss of his freedom? Because it would come to that if he took her. Marriage. Trap.
He tossed the bra onto the chair beside her bed and took a long last look at her sleeping face. She didn’t need to be blond. She was exquisite. Her long hair was spread out around her, her lashes were feathering her flushed cheek, and her parted lips were pink and faintly swollen because he’d been hungry. She was delicious. Virginal and sweet-tasting and exquisitely beautiful without her clothes. He wondered if he’d ever get over the taste of her—if he’d be able to forget. Hell, would he ever be able to have another woman, or would the memory of Abby always stand in the way?
He opened the door and went out, closing it quietly behind him. He should never have touched her in the first place, he thought furiously.
He had to get away for a while. Far away, so that he could think things through. Now that he’d touched Abby, it was going to be the purest kind of hell keeping his hands off her. And Justin wouldn’t like having that sort of loveplay going on, not if it threatened Abby. Calhoun knew that if he took Abby into his arms again, it wasn’t going to end with a few kisses. He wanted her too badly, and she was too responsive. He aroused her as no man ever had. That meant she’d give herself to him with hardly any coaxing. Calhoun was terrified that he might lose his head and take her.
He didn’t want marriage. He didn’t want ties. Abby wouldn’t understand that. In her world, lovemaking meant marriage. Maybe in his, too, when the woman was a virgin. He didn’t like the noose she was tying around his neck, but he hated the thought of never touching her again almost as much.
She was heaven to love. Her mouth was young and sweet and so eager to learn. Her body was nectar. Just the sight of it made him drunk, not to mention the exquisite feel of it between his hands, under his skin.
Abby, he groaned inwardly as he made his way to his own room. He couldn’t have her and he couldn’t give her up. He didn’t know what in hell he was going to do. Maybe when he got back from wherever he wound up he would have reached a decision.
He sat down at the small desk in a corner of his room and wrote Justin a note telling him he was going away for a few days to check on some stockers in Montana. Justin might think it strange, but Abby wouldn’t. He wondered how she was going to feel when she woke up and found him gone. He hoped she wouldn’t even remember what they’d done in her bed together. But even if she did, that was going to be one private memory. Abby wouldn’t share it any more than he would.
Chapter Eight (#ulink_dcc8d7a2-af94-515e-ae80-a486636baff8)
Abby groaned the minute the light got to her eyes. She had the world’s biggest headache, and nausea sat in the pit of her stomach like acid.
She managed to get on her feet and into the bathroom, where she bathed her face with cold water and pressed a cold cloth against her eyes. She remembered drinking whiskey in the study with Justin. Then Calhoun had taken her to bed, and—
Her head jerked up. In the mirror her eyes looked wild, and her paleness had been eclipsed by a scarlet blush. She’d let Calhoun see her. Worse, she’d let him touch her. She swallowed. Well, at least she remembered that he’d stopped before she’d gone to sleep, so nothing unspeakable had happened, thank God. As more of the details of her eagerness came back, she groaned in embarrassment. She’d never be able to look at him again, although what had happened would make the sweetest of memories to tuck in a corner of her mind for solace in her old age. Calhoun would never settle down or fall in love with her. He’d be forever out chasing his blondes. But this was something of him that Abby would always have. A tiny crumb of loving to live on.
Now she understood what had happened that morning in her room. He hadn’t been rough on purpose. He’d wanted her. It gave her the oddest feeling of pride that she could have thrown him that far off balance. She was almost sure that no other woman ever had. Looking back, she thought she must have seemed terribly naive to him for reacting that way to an intimate kiss. But at the time his actions had seemed shocking and frightening. For all her dreams about Calhoun, she hadn’t realized what the reality of his lovemaking would be like. Now that she knew, it was like an addiction. She wanted more. But could she afford the risk of letting him that close again?
A sob racked her slender body. Well, she had to get herself together. She had to remember her pride. She held her aching head. She had to remember, most of all, to never accept a drink of whiskey from Justin again! Or from anyone, for that matter. Drowning one’s sorrows was vastly overrated. She’d tried it, and now she knew that it only brought hangovers, not oblivion.
She put on a gray slacks suit with a blue blouse, left her hair around her shoulders because she was hurting too much to worry with putting it up, and pulled on a pair of sunglasses. Then she felt her way down the staircase and into the dining room.
Justin was sitting at the table with his head in his hands. He was dressed in jeans and a blue checked shirt, and when he looked up, his eyes looked even worse than Abby’s.
“Nice touch,” he remarked, noticing the dark glasses. “I wish I had mine, but they’re out in the car.”
“You look like I feel,” Abby said as she sat down, very gently, in the chair beside him, grimacing because even that slight jarring made her head feel like bursting. “How are we going to work today?”
“Beats me,” Justin replied. “Calhoun’s gone.”
Her heart skipped a beat, and she was glad she was wearing dark glasses. “Is he?”
“Skipped town. Gone to Montana to look at stockers, or so he said.” He fumbled for a cigarette and lit it. “I’m rather disappointed. I had consoled myself all morning with the thought of beating the hell out of him for last night.”
“How selfish,” Abby muttered as she tried to pour herself a cup of hot coffee from the carafe. “I ought to get in a lick or two of my own.”
“I’ll sit on him, you can hit him,” Justin offered. He sipped black coffee and smoked quietly.
Abby took one swallow of her coffee and sat back, feeling miserable. “Weren’t we singing something?” she thought, frowning. “Oh, yes, I remember….” She launched into a few measures of the song. Justin went white, and Maria came running out of the kitchen, beet red, waving her apron.
A tidal wave of Spanish hit Abby between the eyes, delivered in a scolding, furious tone. “For shame, for shame!” Maria wound up breathlessly, crossing herself. “Where you learn such terrible language?”
Abby stared at her blankly. “Justin taught me,” she said.
Justin had his face in his hands. Maria launched into him, and he replied in the same tongue, a little sheepishly. Maria shook her head and stormed out of the room.
“What did I say?” Abby asked him, wide-eyed.
He took a slow breath. “You don’t want to know,” he said finally. “I think you’d better forget the song, Abby, or we’re going to be eating burned meals for a month.”
“You taught it to me,” she pointed out.
He groaned. “I was sauced. That was a drinking song I learned when I was barely out of school from one of the Mexican boys I used to pal around with. I didn’t even remember it until last night, and I never should have taught it to you.”
“It’s all Calhoun’s fault,” she said.
“I wonder why he started it?” Justin asked, watching her. “He didn’t show any signs of wanting to dance until he saw you and Tyler.”
Abby shifted restlessly in her chair. “Well, he doesn’t want me,” she said miserably. “Not on any permanent basis, anyway. He told me last night that he was a bad marriage risk. He likes variety, you see.”
“Most men do, until they find themselves so hopelessly enthralled with one woman that they can’t even look at anyone else,” Justin said tersely, staring at his coffee.
“Is that why you spend all your time alone?” she asked gently, searching his hard, drawn face. “Because your world begins and ends with Shelby?”
He glared at her. “Abby…”
“Sorry.” She sipped the coffee. “It’s just that I know how it feels now.” She traced the pattern of her lipstick on the edge of the cup. “I feel that way about your stupid, blind brother.”
The brief anger left his face, and he smiled gently. “I could pretend to be surprised, but I’m not. You’re pretty obvious. On the other hand,” he added, tilting his head back, “so is he. In all the years Calhoun’s been dating, this is the first time I’ve ever seen him behave as if he were jealous.”
Abby bit her lower lip. “He…wants me,” she said. She couldn’t look at him as she said it.
“Of course,” he replied carelessly, smiling at her shocked expression. “Abby, for a man that’s a big part of caring about a woman.”
“I guess I don’t know very much about men,” she said with a sigh. “In fact, I don’t know anything. Except that I want to live with him all my life, and have children with him, and look after him when he’s sick, and keep him company when he’s lonely.” She bit her lower lip. “So, that being the case, Justin, I think I’d better get out while I still can. Before something happens and Calhoun winds up trapped.” She looked up at Justin, her fear plain in her eyes. “You understand, don’t you?”
He nodded. “I think you’re very wise, Abby. If he cares enough, he’ll come after you. If he doesn’t…you might save both of you a lot of heartache by heading off trouble.” He shrugged. “But I’ll miss having you around.”
“I’ll come back and visit.” She sipped more coffee, and as she began to feel a little better she took off her dark glasses. “Can I still have my twenty-first birthday party here?”
“Sure,” he said readily.
“You may not approve of my guest list,” she added gently.
He took a deep breath. “Tyler Jacobs will be on it, I gather.”
“And Shelby.” He glared at her, and she smiled hesitantly. “Justin, I can’t very well invite him and not her. How would it look?”
“Calhoun might—” He stopped short.
Abby lifted her chin. “I have to stop caring what Calhoun does, and so do you. And if you don’t like Calhoun paying attention to Shelby, why not do something about it?” she added impishly. “You might get her drunk and teach her that terrible song.”
He almost smiled. “I did once,” he said, his dark eyes softening at the memory. “The night we got engaged.” Then he flinched and got up from the table. “I’ve got to try and go to work. How about you? Can you make it?”
“Of course I can.” She stood up, feeling as wobbly as he looked. She glanced at him ruefully. “Shall we flip a coin and see who drives?”
He chuckled. “I think I’d better. I’ve got more practice at it than you have. Come on.”
They muddled through the day, and at the end of it Abby called Mrs. Simpson and asked if she could go ahead and move in later that week. The older woman was delighted and promised to have the room ready. Then, with a heavy heart, Abby began to pack up her things, getting ready to say goodbye to the only home she’d known for the past five and a half years. Worst of all was the realization that once she left it she’d probably never see Calhoun again. Although she hadn’t mentioned it to Justin yet, she’d decided to quit her job at the feedlot, too. The prospect of seeing Calhoun every day, knowing that he wanted her but had no love for her, would tear her heart out.
Justin and two of the cowhands helped her get her possessions over to Mrs. Simpson’s house. Since the room was furnished, she hadn’t tried to take furniture with her, but she had plenty of clothes and records and books to carry. Her stereo and her color television went with her, along with her memorabilia. It was easier to think about living elsewhere with her belongings around. But after having a home of her own, even if she had shared it with the brothers, it was hard to adjust to a small apartment in someone else’s house.
She gave notice at the feedlot the very next day. It was hard, but Justin seemed to understand. He didn’t say a word. He just smiled.
But Calhoun didn’t understand. He came back unexpectedly in the middle of the following week, and when Abby came back from lunch it was to find him sitting on the corner of her desk, looking worn and smoking like a furnace.
She stared at him with eyes that adored him. It had only been a few days. A little over a week. But she’d ached for him. To be without him was like having part of her body cut away, and she didn’t know how she was going to manage to hide her feelings from him.
He was wearing a beige suit with a striped shirt, and his blond hair gleamed clean and thick in the light from the office window. He scowled over his cigarette.
She straightened the skirt of her pale blue dress nervously, waiting for him to look up. Then he did, and she saw the darkness of his eyes, the faint shadows under them.
He looked at her for a long time, oblivious to the noise around them, the ringing telephones, the buzz of printers. He looked at her until she felt uncomfortably warm and she blushed.
“You’ve moved out,” he said without preamble.
“Yes,” she replied huskily.
“And you’ve put in your notice here.”
She took a deep breath, moving a little closer. He smelled of spice and soap, and she stared unconsciously at his mouth, remembering its exquisite sweetness on her lips. “I…I’m going to work for George Brady and his father,” she said. “At the insurance office. I’m used to working with forms, so it won’t be so unfamiliar.”
“Why?” he ground out.
She smoothed her lower lip with her tongue, looking up at him with soft, wounded eyes.
“Here,” he muttered, catching her arm. He pulled her into his office and closed the door behind them, frowning down at her. He didn’t let go even then. His fingers were warm and firm through her soft sleeve, and their touch made her tingle.
“You know I can’t stay in the house anymore,” she whispered. “You know why.”
“Are you that afraid of me?” he asked quietly.
She shifted restlessly, letting her eyes slide down to his firm jaw. “I’m afraid of what could happen.”
“I see.”
It was embarrassing to talk to him about it, but he had to know how vulnerable she was. It wasn’t anything he hadn’t guessed. She studied his patterned red tie carelessly.
“I suppose I sound conceited,” she added. “But…but if you—” Her eyes closed. “I’m vulnerable,” she whispered. Her lower lip trembled, and she bit it. “Oh, Calhoun, I’m so vulnerable—”
“Don’t you think I know?” he said under his breath, and the eyes that met hers were dark with emotion. “Why do you think I left?”
She couldn’t look at him anymore. She felt naked. “Well, I’m saving you from any more complications,” she said tightly. “I won’t be around.”
He couldn’t seem to breathe. His cigarette had burned out, and it hung in his hand, as dead as he felt. “Is that what you want?”
She straightened. “Tyler’s taking me to dinner tonight,” she said out of the blue, just to let him see that she wasn’t going to try to hang on to him or act lovesick. “He’s got a job, too, by the way. He’s going to manage old man Regan’s ranch for him. In no time at all he’ll be settled and able to take on more responsibilities.”
Calhoun’s heart felt like lead in his chest. Was she saying what he thought she was? Was she implying that she might marry Tyler?
“You don’t love him,” he said harshly.
She looked up. “I don’t need to,” she replied quietly. “Love isn’t anything. It’s just an emotion that blinds people to reality.”
“Abby!” he burst out. “You can’t believe that?”
“Look who’s talking.” She glared at him. “You’re the one who said it was for the birds, aren’t you? You’ve never let your emotions get in the way of a good time!”
He took a slow, steadying breath, and his dark eyes searched hers in the static silence that followed. “Maybe that was true a few years ago,” he admitted, his voice deep and slow and measured. “I’ve never had any trouble attracting women, and I had a sizable appetite back then. But I learned that sex by itself has very little flavor, and it didn’t take long to realize that most of those women were trading their bodies for what I could give them.” He laughed bitterly. “How would that appeal to you, tidbit? Being traded a few kisses and a night in bed for a car or a coat or some expensive jewelry, so that you never could be sure that it was you or your wallet they really wanted?”
She’d never heard him talk like this. He never had, at least not to her. She searched his face, finding cynicism and faint mockery in his smile, in his hard eyes.
“You’re very attractive,” she replied. “Surely you know that.”
His big shoulders rose and fell. “Plenty of men are,” he said without conceit. “But I’m rich with it. My money has appeal.”
“Only to a certain type of woman,” she reminded him. “One who doesn’t want ties or emotional liabilities. One with mercenary tendencies who could walk away from you if you lost everything, or if you were sick or old.” She smiled gently. “I suppose you liked that, too. You could be independent and still enjoy yourself.”
He frowned a little, watching her. “I haven’t had a woman since the night you went to the strip show,” he said quietly.
She didn’t want to hear about his love life. She turned her head. “You had dates….”
“Well, my God, I can date women without seducing them!”
“It’s none of my business.” She started to reach for the door-knob, but his big, warm hand engulfed hers, sensuously caressing her fingers as he moved closer, drowning her in the clean cologne-rich scent of him.
“Make it your business,” he said tautly.
She looked up at him slowly, searchingly. But there was nothing readable in his face or his eyes or even the set of his head. It was like trying to learn from stone. “I don’t understand,” she said, her voice faltering.
“I don’t like bridles,” he said shortly. “I don’t like the thought of ropes around me, or a ring through my nose. I hate the thought of marriage.” He grimaced, but his eyes held hers. “But you’re in my blood,” he breathed. “And I don’t know what to do about it.”
“I won’t sleep with you,” she said with quiet pride. “And yes, I want to.” She laughed bitterly. “More than I want to breathe.”
“Yes. I knew that when I left.” He touched her hair, smoothing it, tracing its length down to her shoulder with a possessive touch that made her tremble. “I know all too well how you feel about me. I suspected it the night you went to that bar with Misty and you whispered that you wished you were blond….” His dark eyes lanced up to her shocked ones. “And the night of the square dance cinched it. I did a lot of thinking while I was away. I managed to put two and two together at last.”
She felt as if he’d cut the ground from under her feet. Stark naked. She’d thought her secret was safe, and now it wasn’t.
“You don’t need to deny it,” he added when he saw her expression. “There’s no reason to. I’m not going to make fun of you or try to embarrass you. But I told you the night I left how I felt. I’m twelve years older than you. I’m a rounder, and I haven’t ever tried abstinence. You’re even my ward. If I had any sense I’d let you go and wave you off, laughing. You’re a complication I don’t want or need.”
“Thanks,” she said shortly. Her face was flaming. It was embarrassing to have him see right through her, when she hadn’t realized how transparent she must be to an experienced man.
“That’s what my mind is telling me,” he added, laughing with faint mockery as he moved closer. “Now let me show you what my body says—”
She opened her mouth to protest, but his lips covered hers before she could speak. His kiss was warm and slow, and when his hands went to her hips and pulled them against his and he let her feel the blatant hunger of his body, she gave in.
“So soft,” he whispered as he brushed his lips over her mouth. “So sweet. I dream about kissing you. I dream about your body and the way you are with me when I make love to you. I want you more than I’ve ever wanted a woman in my life.”
“That’s…physical,” she protested.
“That’s all I can offer you,” he replied. His lips moved to her eyelids, closing them with kisses. “Now do you see, Abby? I’ve never loved anyone. I’ve never wanted that. All you can have of me is this.”
She swallowed. What a bitter, hopeless relationship that would be. She loved him with all her heart, and all he had to offer her was his body.
He tasted the tears before he saw them. His blond head lifted, and he winced at the sight of her drenched blue-gray eyes. “Oh, God, don’t,” he breathed, wiping the wetness away with his thumbs.
“Let me go, please,” she pleaded, pushing at his broad, hard chest.
“You want something I can’t give you.”
“I know that now,” she whispered. She bit on her lower lip to stop it from trembling, and stared at his tie. “I guess I was never cut out to be a mercenary blonde,” she said with an attempt at humor, feeling his body stiffen as she made the remark. She looked up then, with drenched eyes that couldn’t hide her hunger for his heart. “But I would have loved you so—”
“Abby,” he groaned. His mouth silenced her, ardently, roughly. He wrapped her up in his hard arms, kissing her with such force that her head bent back against his arms, and still he didn’t stop, couldn’t stop. He began to tremble faintly, the hunger a living thing in him, torturously sweet.
But Abby couldn’t bear the bitter mockery of a kiss that screamed of pity and desire. She twisted her mouth from under his and buried her face in his jacket, her hands gripping the fabric as she shook with frustrated need.
“I’m young,” she whispered after a minute. “I’ll get over you.”
“Will you?” His voice sounded odd. His big hands were in her hair, holding her head to him. They were just a little unsteady, and the chest under her forehead was shuddering with the force of his heartbeat.
“I’ll have to,” she said. She took a slow, soft breath. “It was enough that you and Justin have taken care of me all these years,” she murmured. “I can’t expect anything more from you. I shouldn’t have. It was…just proximity, and a huge crush, and…and curiosity, that’s all. I didn’t mean—”
“Stop it,” he said harshly. He pulled her closer, enfolding her in his big arms, holding her, rocking her. “My God, stop it. Am I laughing at you? Am I making fun of how you feel, or trying to shame you for it? I never should have said that to you at the feedlot that day about hating the way you looked at me. I didn’t mean it. I wanted you so badly all I could think about was getting you out of the car before I lost my head.” He laughed coldly. “And a hell of a lot of good it did. I lost it anyway, that morning in your room, and scared the hell out of you.”
“I didn’t understand what intimacy was until then,” she confessed quietly.
“And the way I was holding you made you all too aware of what I wanted,” he added with a faint laugh.
She flushed. “Yes.”
He smoothed her hair, noticing the way her body was resting against his, so trustingly, even though he was just as aroused now as he had been the morning he’d mentioned. “And now it doesn’t frighten you, does it?” he whispered, tilting her eyes up to his.
She searched his face softly. “No. Nothing about you frightens me or embarrasses me.”
He touched her cheek, her mouth, and his powerful legs trembled at the contact with hers. “Not even knowing how badly I want you?”
She shook her head. “Not even that. I—” She dropped her gaze.
“You—” He made her look at him. “Say it,” he whispered. “Say the words. I want it all.”
She should have denied how she felt. Or run. Something. “I love you,” she whispered with faint anguish in her tone.
His eyes caressed her face. “Such big eyes,” he breathed. “So soft. So full of secrets.” He bent and drew his mouth tenderly against hers. “You’re very special to me, Abby. Part of my life. I wish I could give you what you want. I wish I could give you back those words and offer you a future. But that would cheat us both ultimately. Marriage should be a joint commitment, with a foundation of shared love.” He sighed bitterly. “I…don’t know how to love. Justin and I were raised by our father, Abby. Our mother died when I was born. We never had a woman’s touch, and until your mother came along, Dad went from one woman to another like a bee to pollen.” He toyed with a strand of her hair. “I don’t understand commitment, because I never got a good look at it. The only thing I know about love is that it doesn’t last. Look at Justin. See what happened to him because it all went wrong.”
“At least he took the chance,” she said gently. “And it does last. Or didn’t you see how Justin and Shelby looked at each other while they were dancing?”
“Is that your idea of a perfect relationship?” he asked with a cold laugh. “A little love, followed by years of hating each other?”
“What’s your idea of perfection, Calhoun?” she replied. “A succession of one-night stands and a lonely old age at the end of the road, with no family, no one to love you, nothing to leave behind?”
He scowled down at her. “At least I won’t die of a broken heart,” he said.
“No,” she replied. “You won’t.” She pushed at his chest, but he wouldn’t move. “Let me go, please.”
“Why?”
“Because I’ve got a lot of work to get through.”
“And a date with Tyler,” he added mockingly.
She glanced up. “Tyler is solid, capable, very masculine and a good marriage risk. He isn’t afraid of commitment. He’ll make a good husband.”
“You aren’t marrying Tyler,” he said shortly.
“Not unless he asks me,” she agreed.
“You aren’t marrying him even if he does.”
“How do you plan to stop me?” she asked curiously.
“Guess.”
She cocked her head, staring up at his stubborn face. “Why bother? You don’t want me, except in bed. I want someone who can love me.”
He shifted restlessly. “Maybe love can be taught,” he said uncomfortably. He stared down at her hands on his chest. “Maybe you could teach me how.”
She didn’t feel as if her feet were touching the floor anymore. Could she possibly have heard him say that?
“I’m only twenty,” she reminded him, “and your ward, and you don’t want commitment—”
His mouth covered hers in midsentence, tenderly probing, pushing at it, savoring it. “Kiss me, Abby,” he whispered into her mouth.
“I don’t want—” she tried to protest.
“Love me, baby,” he breathed.
Her arms slid under his jacket and around him. She pressed close, holding him, giving him her mouth with all the wonder and generosity of her love for him. She felt his lips smile against hers, heard his soft breathing, and then he increased the pressure of his mouth and his arms and she went under in a maze of stars.
A long time later, he groaned and his mouth slid to her throat, his arms contracting as he tried to breathe. “That,” he whispered roughly, “was a mistake.”
She could hardly get her own breath, and she knew it was much harder for him. She smoothed his cool, thick hair, gently soothing him, comforting him as he fought for control.
Her lips pressed light, undemanding kisses to his cheek, his temple, his closed eyelids. He stood very still, giving her that freedom with a sense of wonder at how it felt to be caressed so tenderly.
His eyes opened when she stopped. “That was a nice touch,” he whispered, cupping her face in his warm hands. “Have you been talking to Misty again, or did you just think it might calm me down?”
“I read it in a book,” she confessed, lowering her flushed face.
“Reading about it and doing it are pretty different, aren’t they?” he asked gently.
“Yes.” She was still trying to breathe properly. Her fingers toyed with a button on his patterned shirt. He was warm, and she loved the feel and smell and closeness of his body towering over her.
“I’ve never made love to a virgin,” he whispered. His mouth touched her forehead with breathless tenderness. “I’d have to hurt you a little, maybe, at first.”
She felt waves of embarrassment wash over her at the vivid pictures in her mind. His big, nude body over hers in bed, covering her, his hands holding her…
“Does it always hurt?” she asked shyly.
“Not for a man,” he whispered, lifting his eyes to hers. “Not for you, either, if I could keep my head long enough to arouse you properly.”
Her heart was going like a trip hammer. “H…how…would you?”
He kissed the very tip of her nose. “Go out with me and I’ll show you.”
“On a date?” she whispered.
“Um hmm.” He nuzzled his cheek against hers. “Tomorrow night. I’ll take you to Houston. We’ll wipe out the bad memory of that last time there. We’ll dance and walk.” He brushed his mouth over her ear. “Remember, I have an apartment there,” he said slowly.
She closed her eyes. “No. I won’t go to your apartment.”
“It isn’t the last century,” he whispered. “We could be alone. We could make love.”
Her face flamed. “No,” she repeated.
“Abby…”
She pulled away from him, hating her own inhibitions and his attitude, as well. If he’d loved her, it might have been different. But he didn’t. He wanted her. And after that first time, she’d be just like every other woman he’d slept with. She’d be just another one of Calhoun Ballenger’s conquests, an ache that he’d satisfied and forgotten. A used toy.
“I have work to do,” she said, and tried to smile. “And…I don’t think I’ll go to Houston with you, thanks all the same.”
He realized only then what she thought. He’d made it sound as if he was going to round off the evening with a night in bed. He’d made it sound cheap, and that hadn’t been his intention at all. He’d meant that he’d make love to her, very light love, and then he’d take her home. He hadn’t meant—!
“Abby, no!” he burst out. “I didn’t mean what you think!”
She opened the door. “I have to go.” She went out, and he followed her, intent on having things out. But as he reached for her, Justin came in with two businessmen. Abby escaped into the bathroom, shaking, broken inside by hopelessness and rejection. Calhoun not only didn’t love her. Now he didn’t even respect her.
Chapter Nine (#ulink_4cfe387c-03c9-57e5-a61b-a222061ce224)
Abby was grateful that business kept Calhoun occupied for the next two days. She could hardly bear the thought of seeing him when he knew so well how she felt about him. And now that he’d reduced their relationship to a strictly physical one, some of the joy had gone out of life for her. She hadn’t expected that he’d actually proposition her. But if inviting her to his apartment wasn’t a proposition, what was it?
She managed to avoid him when he was in the office that Thursday and Friday, since things stayed hectic. Abby was training a new secretary, and Calhoun seemed reluctant to discuss their private lives around the other woman. She was a year older than Abby, bright and quick-witted. And, unfortunately, already stuck on Calhoun. She had a habit of sighing and batting her long eyelashes every time he passed her desk. Abby was glad Friday was her last day. Having to watch Calhoun with a potential new conquest—the girl was blond and very pretty—was just unbearable.
There was a small farewell party for Abby late Friday afternoon. Justin and Mr. Ayker and the women who worked in the office had taken up a collection to buy her a beautiful cardigan in a pale yellow shade. There was a cake, too, and Justin made a brief speech about how valuable she’d been to them and how they hated losing her. Calhoun wasn’t there. Abby left with mingled relief and disappointment. Apparently she wasn’t even going to get to say goodbye to him. Well, that suited her. She didn’t care if he was glad to be rid of her. Not one bit.
She cried all the way to Mrs. Simpson’s house because she didn’t care.
Tyler was right on time to take her to dinner. He looked good dressed up. He was wearing a navy blazer with tan slacks, a white shirt and a natty blue striped tie. He looked elegant and very masculine. His green eyes danced as Abby came downstairs in a gray crepe dress with a full skirt and a low, crosscut bodice with fabric buttons. Her hair was neatly styled, and she looked elegant and sexy.
“You look pretty,” he commented with a slow smile.
She curtsied. “So do you. Good night, Mrs. Simpson,” she called out. “I’ll be in by midnight!”
Mrs. Simpson came to the doorway, grinning. “Mind that no good-looking woman tries to take Ty away from you,” she teased.
“No chance of that,” he replied carelessly, smiling down at Abby. “This dishy lady is enough for me. Good night, Mrs. Simpson.”
“Good night,” the older woman replied. “Have fun.”
Tyler walked her out to his white Ford, opening the door for her. “I like your landlady. Her husband used to work for Dad. Did you know that?”
“She mentioned something about it,” Abby told him. “She’s a nice landlady.”
He got in, started the car and pulled out onto the road. “Do you miss the big house?”
“I miss the brothers,” she said quietly, fingering her small purse. “It’s hard getting used to my own company. There was always something going on at home.”
“Can I ask why you moved out?” he persisted, glancing in her direction.
She smiled at him. “No.”
His eyebrows arched wickedly. “Don’t tell me. Calhoun wrestled you down on the desk and tried to ravish you.”
Her face turned scarlet. She cleared her throat. “Don’t be absurd.”
He chuckled. “It isn’t absurd, considering the way he was watching you dance with me that night at the bar.”
“He was too busy dancing with Shelby to notice,” she murmured. “Justin went home and got drunk afterward,” she added, neglecting to mention her own participation.
“Shelby cried all night.” He sighed. “Hell of a thing, isn’t it, Abby, the way they still care about each other. Six years, and they’re as far apart now as they were then.”
“And both of them dying inside,” she added. She thought about herself and Calhoun and hoped that she wasn’t going to end up like Shelby, grieving for a man she could never have. She forced a bright smile. “Where are we going?”
“To that new Greek restaurant,” he told her. “They say the food is really good. Have you ever had Greek food?”
“No. I’m looking forward to trying it,” she said, and the conversation was back on safe territory again and away from the disturbing subject of Calhoun.
* * *
Meanwhile, Calhoun was pacing in Justin’s study at the house, his dark eyes black, his hands linked behind his back, scowling.
“Will you stop?” Justin muttered as he tried to add figures and ignore the distraction of his restless brother. “Abby’s not our responsibility anymore. She’s a grown woman.”
“I can’t help it. Tyler’s been around. He’s no boy.”
“So long as Abby isn’t interested in him, none of that will matter.”
Calhoun stopped pacing and glared at him. “And what if she is? What if she’s throwing herself at him on the rebound?”
Justin laid down his pencil. “Rebound from whom?” he asked, lighting a cigarette.
Calhoun rammed his hands into his pockets and stared out the dark window. “From me. She loves me,” he said quietly.
“Yes,” Justin replied, and for once his tone was sympathetic.
Calhoun hadn’t realized how much Justin knew. He turned, his dark eyes curious, wary. “Did she tell you?”
Justin nodded. He took a draw from the cigarette, watching it instead of his brother. “She’s young, but that could be an advantage. She isn’t cynical or world-weary or promiscuous like most of your women. And she hasn’t got a mercenary bone in her body.”
“She’d want marriage,” Calhoun replied tautly. “Happily ever after. I don’t know if I could adjust to being married.”
Justin looked up. “How are you going to take to a life without Abby in it?”
For an instant, Calhoun looked hunted. He stared at the carpet.
“And what if it doesn’t last?” he replied harshly. “What if it all falls apart?”
Justin blew out a cloud of smoke. “Love lasts. And if you’re worried about being faithful to her,” he added with a pointed stare, “you may find that fidelity isn’t all that difficult.”
Calhoun’s dark eyes snapped. “Oh, sure. Look at you. Happily ever after. Your perfect relationship fell apart,” he said, hurting and striking out because of it. “And how many women have you consoled yourself with in the past six years?”
Justin stared at him for a long moment, his eyes narrow and glittering. He smiled then, faintly. “None.”
Calhoun didn’t move. He hadn’t expected that answer, despite Justin’s clamlike attitude toward his private life.
“I had an old-fashioned idea that sex came after marriage with a woman like Shelby,” Justin said quietly. “So I held back. After she broke it off, I found that I wasn’t capable of wanting anyone else.” He turned away, oblivious to Calhoun’s shocked expression. “These days I find my consolation in work, Calhoun. I’ve never wanted anyone but Shelby since the day I met her. God help me, I still don’t.”
The younger man felt as if he’d been hit by a two-ton weight. His heart ran wild. Justin’s words echoed in his mind. He couldn’t even feel desire for the ravishing blonde Abby had seen him with in Houston. He hadn’t felt it with anyone since that night he’d brought Abby home from the bar and seen her naked to the waist. Was that what he had to look forward to? Would he end up like Justin, imprisoned in desire for the one woman he couldn’t have, alone for the rest of his life because he was incapable of wanting another woman?
“I didn’t realize,” Calhoun said quietly. “I’m sorry.”
Justin shrugged. “One of those things,” he said philosophically. He sat down behind his desk. “You may not believe in marriage, but you may find that a relationship can tie you up properly without a ring or a legal paper. And I’ll throw your own question right back at you,” he added, cocking his head at his brother. “How many women have you had since you noticed Abby?”
Calhoun’s face grew hard and remote. He glared at Justin, then turned and left the room.
Justin lifted an eyebrow and chuckled softly to himself as he bent over his figures again.
* * *
Abby had a nice supper with Tyler, and the moussaka she sampled was delicious, like the elegant baklava they had for dessert and the faintly resinous wine they drank with their meal. But while she was listening to Ty talk about his new job, she was thinking about the empty future, about living without Calhoun. She’d gotten used to listening for his step in the hall late at night as he went to his room, to seeing him across the table, to watching television with him, to being near him at work. Life was so empty now, so cold. She felt as if she’d never know warmth again.
“The only bad part of it is that I’m going to get loaned out,” Tyler was telling her resignedly as he drank a demitasse of Greek coffee after dessert. “Old man Regan has a daughter in Arizona who’s coping with a dude ranch and two of her nephews for the summer. I’m going to be sent out there to get the place in shape, I gather, while my assistant looks after things here.” He grimaced. “I hate dude ranches. And I don’t much care for the woman trying to run this one. Apparently she thought she could and talked Regan into it, but she seems to be losing her shirt.”
Abby glanced at him. “What’s she like, do you know?”
“I don’t have a clue. She’s probably one of those feminists who think men should have the children and women should earn the living. I’ll be damned if she’ll tell me how to do my job.”
Abby could see the fireworks already, and she smiled behind her cup at the mental image. Tyler was so much like Justin and Calhoun, a reactionary, a holdover from the old West. It would be fascinating to see how he coped with a modern woman.
He took her home minutes later, bending to kiss her cheek at the door of Mrs. Simpson’s house. “Thanks for keeping me company,” he grinned. “I enjoyed it.”
“So did I.” She smiled up at him. “You’re a nice man. Someday you’ll make some lucky girl a nice husband.”
“Marriage is for—”
“The birds,” she finished for him, sighing. “You and Calhoun ought to do an act together. You’ve got the chorus down pat.”
“No man wants to get married,” he told her. “Men get corralled.”
“Oh, sure they do,” she agreed. “By greedy, grasping, mercenary women.”
“I’d marry you in a minute, Abby,” he said. He was smiling, but he didn’t sound as if he were joking. “So if Calhoun slips the noose, you just throw it my way. I won’t even duck.”
“You doll.” She reached up and kissed his firm jaw. “I’ll remember that. Good night, Ty.”
“Good night. I’ll give you a call next week, okay?”
“Okay.”
She waved at him and then used her key and went inside. She climbed the stairs lazily, relaxed from the resinated wine and worn out from her long week of avoiding Calhoun. So it was a surprise to find the telephone ringing in her room, where she had her own private extension.
She put down her purse and sat on the bed to answer it. “Hello?”
A deep, familiar voice that made her pulse leap said, “Hello.”
“Calhoun?” she asked softly.
“I can’t sit up and wait for you anymore,” he said. “So I thought I’d make sure you got home all right.”
“I did.”
“Where did you go?”
She lay back on the bed, her head on the pillow. “To the new Greek place.”
“Ummm,” he murmured, sounding as if he were stretched out on his own bed. “I’ve been there for business dinners a time or two. Did you try the moussaka? It’s delicious.”
“Yes, that’s what I had, and some of that resinated wine. It’s very strong.”
He paused. “Did you come straight home?”
She almost smiled at his concern. “Yes, I came straight home. He didn’t even try to seduce me.”
“I don’t remember accusing him of it.”
She touched the receiver gently. “Is everything all right at the house?”
“I guess so.” There was a pause. “It’s lonely.”
“It’s lonely here, too,” she said.
Another pause. “I didn’t mean what you thought I did,” he said quietly. “I wouldn’t take you to bed on a bet. You aren’t the kind of woman to be used and thrown aside. I’m ashamed of you for thinking I could treat you like that after all these years.”
Her heart ran away. She clutched the receiver closer to her ear. “But you said—”
“I said we could go to the apartment and be alone,” he interrupted. “And that we could make love. I meant we could make a few memories and then I’d take you home.” He sighed. “I’d probably do it bent double, but I never had any intention of taking advantage of the situation.”
“Oh.”
“So now that we’ve cleared that up, how about dinner tomorrow night?” he asked.
She hesitated. “Calhoun, wouldn’t it be better if we just didn’t see each other again?” she asked quietly, even though it broke her heart to say the words.
“I’ve looked out for you, watched over you and ordered your life for years,” he replied. “Now you’re grown, and things have happened between us that I never expected. We can’t go back to the relationship we had, and we can’t be intimate. But there has to be a way that we can keep each other,” he said heavily. “Because I can’t quite put you out of my life, Abby. I hate like hell going past your room at night and knowing you aren’t in it. I hate watching television alone and sitting at a table alone when Justin has business dinners. I hate the feedlot because there’s going to be another woman at your desk.”
“She’s blond,” she reminded him.
“She isn’t you,” he said shortly. “Are you going to come with me or not?”
“I shouldn’t….”
“But you will,” he returned.
She sighed, smiling. “Yes.”
“I’ll pick you up at five.”
“Five?”
“We’re going to Houston, remember?” he laughed softly.
“Dining and dancing.”
“Just that, if it’s what you want,” he said gently. “I won’t even touch you unless you want it.”
“That apartment,” she asked hesitantly. “Have you…have you taken a lot of women there?”
He didn’t answer her immediately. “While I was away those few days, I moved. I changed apartments,” he said. “This one is across town from the one I had. And I’ve never taken a woman there.”
She wondered at the switch, wondered why he’d bothered. Surely it couldn’t be to protect her from the memory of his old life, in case one day she did go there with him?
“I see,” she murmured.
“No, I don’t think you do,” he replied, his voice deep and soft. “Not yet, anyway. I’d better let you get to sleep. It’s late.”
She didn’t want him to hang up. She searched for something to say, something to keep him on the line, but her mind was blank.
“You and Justin never came to blows over Shelby, I guess,” she asked then, because it had just occurred to her that Justin had threatened to punch Calhoun the morning after the square dance.
“Justin and I had a long talk,” he replied. “Not that I expect it to do any good. He’s too set in his ways to bend, and he won’t let Shelby get near him.”
“Maybe someday he’ll listen.”
“Maybe.” He sighed. “Five tomorrow. Don’t forget.”
As if she could! She touched the receiver as if she were touching him. “Good night.”
“Good night, sweetheart,” he said softly, and the line went dead.
She floated into her nightgown and into bed, hearing nothing but the endearment, that unexpected, beautiful word, until sleep finally claimed her.
It was the longest Saturday of Abby’s life. She tried to sleep late, but she couldn’t. She went downstairs and had breakfast with Mrs. Simpson and then she went back to her room and forced herself to watch television. Having Saturdays free was still new. At the feedlot, she’d always worked them. Now she had the whole weekend off, and she didn’t know what to do with herself.
Time dragged all day long. She went for a ride just to give herself something to do and wound up in town shopping for a new dress to wear on her date with Calhoun.
She came out with a pretty red patterned silk skirt and matching sweater. It brought out her tan and made her look sophisticated. She thought about having her hair cut, but she’d gotten used to its length. She experimented with different hairstyles for an hour, only to brush it out and leave it around her shoulders afterward.
She was dressed and ready at 4:30. She tried to get interested in a book while she waited. Those thirty minutes were going to be agony.
Apparently Calhoun felt the same way, because he showed up twenty minutes early.
She forced herself not to run to let him in, but she was breathless all the same as she looked up into his dark, quiet eyes.
“Hi,” she said.
He smiled slowly, gazing approvingly not only at her outfit but at her hairdo as well. “Hi,” he replied lazily.
He was wearing a charcoal-gray suit with pale gray handtooled leather boots and a pearl Stetson. He looked so handsome that Abby could hardly believe he was really taking her out on a date. It was so new, so unreal.
“Are you sure you want to take me out?” she asked unexpectedly, her eyes troubled as they met his. “You don’t feel sorry for me—?”
He put his thumb gently against her lips, silencing her. “I wouldn’t take you to the post office out of pity,” he replied. “Are you getting cold feet?” he added softly.
She grimaced and stared at his jacket. “Yes.”
“I won’t hurt you,” he said, his voice quiet and deep. “I won’t rush you or embarrass you.”
She bit her lower lip. “It’s just that it’s…new.”
“You’ll get used to it.” He moved restlessly. “Are you ready to go? I’m early, but I was afraid I’d get held up if I didn’t leave while I could.”
“Yes. I’ll just get my purse.”
She got her purse and her black velvet blazer, as well, and let him escort her out to the Jaguar. She got more nervous by the minute, which was absurd considering how long she’d dreamed of going anywhere with him. She could hardly talk, and her hands shook.
“How do you like living with Mrs. Simpson?” Calhoun asked on the way to Houston.
She smiled. “I like it very much.” Her fingers toyed with the handle of her purse. “I miss the house sometimes. It’s different, living alone.”
He glanced at her, his eyes narrow. “Yes.” He turned his eyes back to the road, frowning as he pulled a cigarette from the pack in his pocket and stuck it in his mouth. He reached for the car lighter, noticing her curious stare. “I’m nervous,” he said without thinking, and then he laughed at his own confession. “That’s one for the books, isn’t it, Abby, with my reputation?”
She felt warm all over. She smiled, her eyes carefully lowered. “I’m nervous, too,” she said.
“I’m not a virgin,” he reminded her as he put the lighter against the cigarette.
“Rub it in,” she sighed miserably.
“Don’t make it sound like leprosy,” he teased as he replaced the lighter in its hole beside the ashtray in the dash. “Frankly, I’ve had my fill of experienced women telling me what to do in bed.”
She stared at him, torn between curiosity and jealousy. “Do women really do that?”
His eyebrows arched. He hadn’t realized how innocent she really was. “Don’t you go to movies?”
“I tried,” she recalled. “You never would let me in to see the really good ones.”
He whistled softly. “Well, well.” His eyes brushed her slender body, then returned to the road. “You’ll take a lot of teaching, won’t you, tidbit?” he murmured.
She shifted against the seatbelt. “Which would probably bore you to death.”
“I don’t think so,” he mused. “After all—” he lifted the cigarette to his firm lips “—I could customize you.”
She gaped at him. “Now I’ve heard everything!”
“Tell me you’d hate being my lover, Abby,” he challenged softly, glancing her way.
She couldn’t. But she couldn’t quite admit the truth, either. She averted her face, burning with subdued irritation at his soft, predatory laughter.
They went to the same club where she’d seen him with the blonde, but this time was different. There seemed to be no barriers after the first few awkward minutes.
“I’ve never had rice made like this,” Abby remarked as she enjoyed the small portion that came with her roast beef au jus.
“With scallions, you mean? It’s unique. Like you,” he added, and she looked up to find his eyes steady on her face. Intent. Unblinking.
She gazed back at him. He made her feel giddy when he looked at her that way. Her whole body tingled.
And she wasn’t the only one affected. His heart was doing a tango in his chest at the way she was watching him, at her pleasure in his company. He even liked the way he felt himself, nervous and a little uncertain.
They finished their meal, and the dessert that followed it, in silence. As they lingered over a second cup of coffee, he finally spoke. “Want to dance?” he asked softly.
She swallowed. Her eyes traveled slowly over his big body, and just the thought of being pressed against him on the dance floor frightened her. She’d drown in pleasure, and he’d know it. He’d see how helpless she was, how vulnerable.
“I—don’t know,” she stammered finally, and swallowed the last spoonful of her apple pie.
“Are you really afraid to let me hold you in front of a roomful of people, Abby?” he asked with narrowed eyes.
She lifted her own gaze. “Yes.”
“Why?” he persisted.
Well, why not be honest, she thought fatalistically. “Because I want you,” she whispered softly, watching his expression become taut. “And because you’ll be able to see how much.”
Her lack of guile floored him. He couldn’t remember a single woman in his past being quite so straightforward about such things. He took a slow breath and reached across the table for her hand, turning it over to trace the palm tenderly with a long forefinger.
“I want you just as badly,” he said, watching her hand instead of her eyes. “And you’ll be able to feel how much, as well as see it. And I still want to dance with you.”
She was so hungry for him that her body was pulsing softly. Even having him know every thought in her mind, being vulnerable, didn’t seem to matter anymore. She worshiped him with her eyes, and he looked up and caught her in the act.
“Let’s stop pretending,” he said quietly. “Come here.”
He got up, drawing her with him. He led her to the small dance floor, where a band was playing a lazy tune, and when he pulled her close, she went without a murmur.
“Have you ever noticed how perfectly we fit together?” he asked against her hair as they moved to the music. His hand at her back contracted, bringing her even closer, and the sound of his voice at her ear was deliciously exciting. “I like the way you feel against me.”
She could tell that, because his body was beginning to react in a totally masculine way to her softness. She stiffened a little, but the caressing motion of his fingers on hers relaxed her.
“It’s all right,” he whispered. “I won’t hurt you.”
“I know that.” She closed her eyes, drowning in his nearness, in the music, in the magic.
He shuddered, a barely perceptible stiffening of his big body, and his hand pressed her against him for one wild second. “This is stupid,” he said tautly.
“I tried to tell you that,” she whispered shakily as her fingers contracted helplessly in his and she looked up into his eyes.
His jaw clenched. Everything she felt was in those worshipful eyes, in her face, in her body so soft against his. His mind whirled; he was floating. She wanted him.
“For God’s sake,” he groaned. “Let’s get out of here.”
Her gaze searched his hard, dark face, the eyes that blazed down into hers. He looked impossibly mature and experienced, and she knew she was out of her league. But she wanted to lie in his arms and let him love her. She wanted nothing in life more than to be alone with him now.
“I…” She swallowed. “I don’t know how…I’ve never had to…about precautions, I mean…”
He bent, brushing his hard mouth against her soft one briefly, silencing her. “Are you scared?”
“Yes.”
His nose nuzzled hers. “But you’d give yourself to me anyway.”
She clenched her teeth. “Yes.”
“And hate me afterward.”
Her slender shoulders lifted and fell. “No.”
Her expression touched him. “Do you love me that much?”
She lowered her eyes, but he tilted her chin up again and there was something new in his look, in his scrutiny of her face.
“Do you love me that much?” he whispered again.
Her eyes closed. “Yes!” she breathed.
His hand slid up her back into her long, thick hair and pulled her forehead against him, pressed it there as they moved to the rhythm of the music. “Precious,” he said in a tone that could have burned water. She hardly heard him over the wild beating of her heart. His lips smoothed her forehead, brushing it tenderly.
“I won’t make you pregnant,” he whispered. “Come with me.”
As if she had a choice, she thought shakily as she let him lead her off the dance floor. She’d never been so helpless in her life. All she could do was look at him with helpless need, love radiating from her oval face like fire from an open hearth.
He paid the bill and drew her out into the cold night air, tucked her in the car and drove across town without saying a single word.
Chapter Ten (#ulink_61e5f744-445c-5525-993f-47019cb343f7)
Calhoun had a penthouse apartment with a private elevator and a view of Houston that was breathtaking. It was furnished in tans and browns, with African carvings and weavings mingled with Western paintings and Indian rugs. It was an apartment that was welcoming despite its purely masculine ambience.
“Do you like it?” Calhoun asked, watching her from the closed door.
“Very much,” she said, smiling. “It suits you.”
He came into the room, his eyes never leaving her face. “How about something to drink? I can make coffee.”
She shifted her eyebrows. “Coffee?”
His dark eyes narrowed. “Just because you got drunk with Justin doesn’t mean you can expect the same courtesy here.”
She shifted restlessly, her purse clutched against her waist. “Well, I didn’t mean to get drunk with Justin.”
“I’ll bet the pair of you could hardly walk the next morning.”
“We sort of leaned on each other,” she confessed. She searched his hard face. “He was afraid you were going to use your experience to take Shelby away from him. He didn’t come right out and say so, but it was implied.”
“As if I could hurt him like that,” he said curtly. His dark eyes wandered quietly over her face, tracing every soft line. “Did you care that I danced with her?”
She turned toward the window. “I like the scenery,” she said, trying to change the subject, trying to breathe normally.
“Yes, I like it, too,” he said finally. “I wanted something with a view of the city. And I have to spend a lot of time here on business, so that makes it a good investment.”
She heard his steps coming closer, and she could feel his warmth at her back, smell the clean, spicy scent of him.
Her pulse jumped as his lean hands caught her waist and pulled her against his big body. She heard his breath and felt it in her hair as he wrapped her up in his arms from behind, rocking her lazily as they watched the city lights spread out below them.
He inhaled the floral scent of her body and the clean, shampooed softness of her hair all at the same time. He bent his head and brushed his mouth against her neck through her silky hair.
“I miss you,” he said softly. “You haunt me.”
“You’ll get used to not having me around,” she said sadly. “After all, up until five and a half years ago, you and Justin had the house all to yourselves.”
“And then you moved in,” he mused, linking his lean hands in front of her. “We got used to running feet and laughter, to music in the living room and movies on television and teenage girls in and out and hot-rodding young men speeding up the driveway.”
“You were both very tolerant for old bachelors,” she said. “Looking back, I guess I really cramped your style.”
He stiffened a little, because it was true. She had at first. But now it hurt to look back, to remember his furtive affairs, his hidden amours. It hurt to think that there’d ever been a woman in his arms except Abby.
“A woman in the dark is just a body,” he said softly. “And I never gave my heart, Abby.”
“Do you have one?” she asked.
He turned her gently, putting her hand on his chest, over his white silk shirt, against hard, warm muscle and thick hair. “Feel it beat,” he whispered.
“That isn’t what I meant.”
“I know.” He looked down at her hand, feeling his body tauten at the light touch. He moved her fingers across his chest to a hard male nipple and held her palm there, letting her feel.
She glanced up at him, her blue-gray eyes wide and searching as he stroked her hand against the hardness.
“That happens to women,” she whispered.
“And to men.” He gently pulled her closer, his hands moving into her hair as he bent his head. “Unbutton my shirt. I’m going to show you how to touch me.”
Her heartbeat sounded and felt unnaturally loud in the stillness of the room. But she didn’t protest. Her fingers fumbled with the buttons, and eventually she had the shirt out of his slacks and away from his broad, bronzed chest with its thick covering of hair.
He smiled at her faint embarrassment. “Here. Like this.” He pulled her hands against him in long, sensual strokes and watched their slender gracefulness as he drew them down to the wide belt around his slender hips. But when he tried to move them past it, she froze.
He searched her soft eyes quietly, sensing the turmoil in her heart. “You’re very innocent,” he said, his voice unusually deep and slow. “You’ve never touched a man intimately, have you?”
She traced a tiny pattern on his chest. “I’ve never done anything intimate with a man in my life, except with you.”
He was incredibly pleased to hear that. His chin lifted. “I need more than a few chaste kisses,” he said softly.
She flushed, staring at the heavy rise and fall of his chest. “I’m sorry.”
He bent abruptly and lifted her, cradling her against him as he turned and walked down the hall with her.
He went through an open door, and she turned her head to find a huge king-size bed with a cream-and-chocolate quilted cover over it in a darkened room.
“Calhoun, no,” she whispered, raising her eyes to his in the dimness of the heavily curtained room.
“I won’t even undress you,” he breathed, brushing her lips with his. “We’re going to make a little love, and then I’ll take you home. There won’t be a risk. I give you my word on it.”
“But you want me,” she whispered in protest when he slid her onto the coverlet and stretched out beside her, his body so close that she could feel how aroused he was.
“Of course I want you,” he said gently, smiling as he lay poised above her, his lean hands smoothing back her long, soft hair. “But there’s no risk involved, as long as you don’t do anything to knock me off balance.”
She searched his dark face, loving every inch of it. “How could I do that?” she whispered.
“By doing anything I don’t invite,” he murmured deeply. “Don’t touch me, or move against me, or kiss me unless I tell you how.” He moved down then, drawing his open mouth lazily over her lips until he managed to get between them. “That’s it,” he whispered. “Just relax.”
He was doing the most sensuous things to her mouth. It amazed her, the sensations he aroused so effortlessly. Her breath was already coming in gasps, and she felt her body tautening as what he did to her mouth began to affect the entire length of her.
“God, you’re sweet to kiss,” he whispered into her parted lips. “Come here, Abby.”
He abruptly rolled over onto his back and turned her with him so that she was above him, looking down into his dark, dancing eyes.
“That’s better,” he murmured. “Do you feel less threatened on top?”
She colored faintly, and he laughed. Then he drew her mouth down over his and opened it, and the laughter stopped.
She felt his hands moving her, lifting her. She was beside him, then over him, and he had her hips, bringing them down completely over his.
“Don’t do that,” he whispered when he felt her tautness. “Just lie still and let me feel your body over mine.”
She felt shaky. She trembled as his tongue began to probe gently around her lips and past them, teasing its way into the sweet darkness of her mouth.
She caught her breath, and he heard it. His dark eyes opened, looking up at her.
“They call it a soul kiss,” he said softly. “It’s intimate and wildly arousing and very, very suggestive. Let me kiss you that way.”
She felt her legs tremble where they touched his. “You…you’re already wildly aroused,” she whispered unsteadily.
“I’m going to make you that way, too,” he murmured. He turned her slowly so that she was on her back. His long, powerful leg insinuated itself between hers.
She stiffened as she felt his big, muscular body spread over hers, pushing her down into the mattress. His masculinity was blatant now. The intimacy was shocking, and the sensations it caused were a little frightening.
He saw her fear, and his hands slid into her hair, caressing as he let his weight down on her slender body, his elbows catching a little of it as he moved.
“I won’t hurt you,” he said softly. “Lie very still for me, Abby. I want to show you what passion is.”
“I already know…oh!” She clenched her teeth. Her nails bit into the fine fabric of his jacket, and her eyes widened in shock when he moved against her. She felt him in a way that turned her face blood red with embarrassed knowledge, and a tiny cry forced its way out of her throat.
His mouth covered hers. His tongue teased, probed, withdrew, probed again and began a taunting invasion that was every bit as intimate as his huge, softly moving body on hers. She moaned. She grasped him. She bit at his firm, chiseled lower lip. Her tongue shyly grasped him. She bit at his firm, chiseled lower lip. Her tongue shyly encountered his and began to fence with it. She began to shudder, and so did he, and just when she was going under for the third time he slid away from her and gathered her against his side, holding her cheek to his shoulder while the trembling grew.
“Calhoun.” Her voice broke.
“It’s all right,” he whispered. “I’ll make it bearable.”
His big hands found her jacket and eased it off. He unfastened the sweater where it buttoned over one shoulder, and levered it up lazily, unfastening the hooks of her lacy bra and tugging the whole of her upper covering over her head and moved it aside.
She started to cover herself, but his mouth was suddenly on her breasts, and what he did to them was too sweet, too addictive to protest.
She gave in, arching toward his mouth, drowning in his ardor. He knew exactly what to do, how to arouse her to a fever pitch. She let him, welcomed him, her body fluid in his hands, her voice softly inciting him.
He sat up for just a minute, long enough to strip off his jacket and shirt. Then he was poised over her, vibrantly male with his hair-roughened chest bare and muscular, his eyes glittering with desire as they caressed her own bareness.
“I can’t stop you,” she whispered shakily, tears stinging her eyes as she watched him come to her. “I don’t want to stop you.”
“I want to hold you like this,” he whispered, levering his chest over her bare, aroused breasts, rubbing softly against her body. “Isn’t it sweet, Abby? Skin against skin. Breast to breast in the darkness, mouth to aching mouth…Kiss me, sweetheart. Open your mouth and kiss me until you can’t bear the wanting any longer.”
She did. Her arms held him, trembling, her body welcomed the crush of his. The mattress moved under them and the air washed over her body while his mouth fed on hers, seduced hers, intimate and ardent and tender.
His mouth lifted seconds later, and he looked into her eyes in the faint light from the hall. “I don’t think I can stop,” he whispered, his voice oddly husky.
“I don’t want you to stop,” she moaned. “Oh, Calhoun, please, please…please!”
His mouth slid down to her breast, taking it inside. His hand went to the fastening of her skirt and loosened it. His lean fingers slid onto the soft skin of her belly, pressing there, savoring the soft skin.
“The…risk,” she whispered shakily.
“Of a child?” he murmured against her breasts. He nuzzled her soft skin with his cheek, his eyes closed, the scent of her all around him, in his blood. His hand slid under her hips, lifting them hungrily into the hard contours of his own, holding her there with undisguised passion. “For the first time in my life, I’m not afraid of the consequences, Abby.”
His mouth was over hers again, and she wasn’t quite sure she’d heard him. Her mind was on fire, her body was burning. Her legs moved helplessly against his. She wanted him. She wanted all of him. She moaned as she tried to get closer, to absorb him, possess him. She felt savage and wild. She wanted to join with him, to be a part of the massive, muscular body that was slowly driving her mad.
Her arms reached up, her fingers tangled in his thick blond hair as she moved her hips sensually under his in movements that made him cry out.
“Abby—!” he bit off, shuddering.
“I love you,” she sobbed.
His mouth was over hers, and he began to remove her skirt with unsteady hands. It was going to happen. Here, now, she was going to know him in every way there was.
But in the middle of her feverish pleas, there was the sudden, unexpected pealing of the doorbell.
He paused, his body racked by shudders. “Oh, my God,” he said, choking.
“Don’t answer it,” she whispered tearfully.
He lifted his head, pushing back sweaty hair. He was gasping for breath, his body vibrating with frustrated need, driving urgency. He shuddered. “I can’t get up,” he whispered with a hollow laugh. He pushed away from her and lay on his stomach, groaning, his lean hands speared into the pillow, crushing it.
Abby didn’t know what to do. She knew better than to touch him. She lay there, not moving, sanity coming back slowly. She concentrated on trying to breathe while her heartbeat shook her.
The doorbell kept ringing. After a moment, Calhoun managed to sit up. He looked a little foggy as he got to his feet, but he was breathing almost normally.
“Are you all right?” she whispered shyly.
“I’m all right,” he said softly. “Are you?”
At least he wasn’t angry. “Yes,” she replied, her tone equally soft.
He took a steadying breath and got to the door. Unexpectedly he switched on the light and turned to look at her, his eyes narrow, full of possession and something violent, dark, hungry.
Her breasts were mauve and peach, exquisitely formed, taut with arousal. Where he’d pulled her skirt down, he could see the graceful curve of her hips below her small waist.
“God, I could die looking at you,” he said huskily. “I’ve never seen a woman so perfect.”
She flushed, but the intensity of his delight in her was overwhelming. She sat up slowly, watching his gaze move to the firm thrust of her breasts, and she felt herself go hot with pride and pleasure.
He looked up then, catching the light in her eyes. “You belong to me now,” he said. “As surely as if I hadn’t stopped. We’ll work out the details later, but there won’t be anyone else for me from this night on. I’ll never touch another woman until I die.” And with that quiet, terse statement, he turned and left the room.
Abby wasn’t sure she hadn’t dreamed the whole thing. She got into her clothes in a daze, shaking with pent-up emotion. She wanted to cry and scream and laugh and dance.
He was talking to someone. His voice was curt and almost angry. Frowning, Abby stepped out into the hall, her mouth swollen, her hair in tangles, her silk skirt hopelessly wrinkled. As she went into the living room, she recognized Calhoun’s guest. It was the blonde from the restaurant, the one he’d taken out the night Abby had gone to dinner with Justin.
“So that’s why you didn’t have time for me,” the older woman said when she saw Abby. “My God, she’s barely out of school!”
“Abby, go back into the bedroom,” Calhoun said.
“Yes, Abby, go and hide,” the blonde added viciously, although tears were visible in her big eyes.
But Abby didn’t. She went quietly to Calhoun and slid her hand trustingly into his.
“I love him with all my heart,” Abby told the other woman. “I guess you probably do, too, and I’m sorry. But I’d rather die than lose him.”
The blonde looked at her for a long moment, and then at Calhoun. “It would have served you right if she hated you, as many hearts as you’ve broken,” she cried, her lower lip trembling. “But that won’t ever happen, any more than you’ll ever love any one of us. Not even she can reach that stone you call a heart!” She turned to Abby. “You’ll never have all of him.” She laughed bitterly. “All he can give you is his body, and he’ll soon get tired of yours and go off to conquer new worlds. Men like him don’t settle down, honey, so if you’re looking for happy endings, you’d better run like hell.”
She gave Calhoun a final, bitter glance and was gone as quickly as she’d arrived.
Calhoun closed the door, his face hard, unyielding.
“I’m sorry you had to hear that,” he said quietly.
“So am I.” Abby searched his eyes sadly, wondering if the other woman was right about his lack of feeling. Perhaps she should run. But how could she, when she loved him?
His eyes narrowed as he saw the indecision and fear in hers. “You don’t trust me, do you?” he asked. “You think she might be right, that you can’t have a future with me.”
“You said yourself that you didn’t want to be tied,” she replied. “I understand.” She dropped her eyes. “Maybe I’m too young for marriage anyway. I’ve never been out on my own at all. I’ve hardly even dated. Maybe what I feel for you is just a crush and my first taste of desire.”
She didn’t really mean what she’d just told him, but it gave him an out if he wanted one. He’d wanted her in the bedroom, and perhaps he’d said things he didn’t really mean. She didn’t want him to feel obligated just because they’d almost gone too far.
But Calhoun didn’t realize that she was trying to save him from himself. He took her words at face value and felt their impact as if they were bullets. She was telling him that she wasn’t sure she loved him, and at the worst possible moment. When she’d put her slender hand so trustingly in his, he’d known for the first time what he felt for her. His feelings went deeper than lust, and they wouldn’t fade. But now he was afraid to tell her, to put the emotion into words. She was admitting that she might have mistaken infatuation and desire for something lasting. She was young, all right, and inexperienced. He might be taking advantage of a natural step in her progression to womanhood. What if he risked his heart and she kicked it aside when she got through this phase? She was young, and she’d bounce back. But Calhoun had never loved before, and the thought of being rejected terrified him.
He stared down at her with bitter realization darkening his eyes to black. He’d fallen into the trap that he’d swore he’d never be taken by. Now here they were, almost lovers, and she was telling him that it was all a mistake. He felt as if she’d hit him in the chest with an ax.
“Would you take me home, please?” she asked without looking at him.
He straightened. “Of course.”
He turned toward the bedroom, and she sat on the sofa, reaching for the purse she’d tossed there when they’d first arrived. She sat twisting and turning it, listening to his quick, sharp movements in the bedroom while he dressed. Her eyes closed in mingled shame and embarrassment. It had only just occurred to her how many liberties she’d allowed him, how close they’d come to making love completely. She hadn’t had the presence of mind to think of stopping, and neither had he. If that woman hadn’t interrupted them—
Her face went hot. He’d been undressing her. He wouldn’t have stopped at all, he hadn’t had any intention of denying himself. And afterward, how would it have been? She’d have been eaten up by guilt and sorrow, and he’d have felt obligated to marry her because she’d been a virgin. He’d have been well and truly trapped.
She didn’t take seriously anything Calhoun had said in the semi-darkness of his bedroom, because men didn’t think when they were engulfed by passion. Even though she was innocent, she knew that much. He’d wanted her for a long time, and tonight had been his one chance to get her into bed. He’d almost taken her. He knew she loved him, and it didn’t even seem to bother him that he was taking advantage of something she couldn’t help.
Calhoun came into the living room minutes later, pale and strained but neatly dressed. He’d even combed his thick blond hair. After one quick glance, she didn’t look at him again. She stood up.
He opened the door for her, noticing her unnatural stiffness. “I don’t know what to say, Abby,” he said quietly. “I don’t know how she traced me here.”
“It doesn’t matter,” she replied, looking only as high as his chin. “It would be unrealistic to expect that we’d never run across any of your discarded lovers.”
His dark eyes flashed fire. He reached beside her and slammed the door before she could get out, forcing her shocked eyes up to his angry ones.
“And that’s what you think you would have been if she hadn’t interrupted us?” he asked coldly.
She ground her teeth together to keep from breaking down. “You weren’t going to stop,” she said.
“I couldn’t stop,” he corrected. “Any more than you could. If you want to know, it was a first. I’ve always been able to pull back before.”
“Should I be flattered?” she asked on a trembling laugh. “Because I’m not. Bodies are cheap.”
“Yours isn’t,” he returned. “Yours is young and sweet and exquisitely formed. Innocent, when I’ve never had innocence in my life. I might have been half out of my head, but I’d have managed to make you want me back and I wouldn’t have hurt you.”
“And after you were through?” she probed, lifting her pained eyes.
He touched her swollen lips with a cool forefinger. “That would have taken all night,” he said softly. “And by then you wouldn’t have had any doubts left about where we stood with each other. I’d have made sure of it.”
She flushed. “I’d have been another conquest….”
He drew her against him, sighing heavily as he smoothed her long, dark hair and felt her body shake with soft sobs.
“It’s just frustration, sweetheart,” he whispered at the top of her head. “You wanted me and I wanted you, and neither of us had fulfillment, that’s all. It passes.”
Her curled fingers pressed against him while tears ran down her pale cheeks. “I hate you,” she cried.
He only smiled, because he understood. He kissed her hair gently. She was so very young. Too young, probably. He drew in a slow, sad breath and wondered how he was going to live without her.
“You’ve got to see Maria about your birthday party,” he said after a few minutes. “She’s going to hire a caterer. And you’ll have to provide a guest list for us. I can have one of the women at the office send out the invitations.”
She drew back, sniffing, and he pulled out a handkerchief and mopped her face. “You don’t have to do that,” she mumbled.
“We want to.” He touched the handkerchief to her red eyes. “I won’t come near you until then, Abby,” he added to her surprise. His dark gaze was quiet and unblinking, and it did wild things to her pulse. “I won’t call you, or take you out, or see you until then.”
“Because of tonight?” she asked with what dignity she still possessed.
“In a way.” He put the handkerchief away and searched her face. “You’re afraid of giving in to me, aren’t you?”
She moved restlessly.
“Aren’t you?” he persisted.
She bit her lower lip. “Yes.”
“Why?”
“I won’t have you forced into a marriage you don’t want,” she said warily. “Calhoun, you aren’t a marrying man. You even told me so.”
He brushed his mouth against hers, and he nuzzled her nose with his, teasing her lips, playing with her mouth.
“Abby, I told you not so long ago that my playboy days were over, and I meant it,” he said softly. “I haven’t lived like a recluse, but in the past few years, I’ve settled down. And if you want the truth,” he added, resting his forehead on hers, “I haven’t thought of any other woman since the night I found you bare-breasted on your bed, little one. You’ve been in my bed every night since then, a vision that haunts me from dawn to dusk.”
Her heart jumped straight up. He’d never lied to her. He wasn’t doing it now, she knew.
“Me?” she whispered.
He smiled gently. “You.” He brushed her mouth lazily with his. “And if you’d given yourself to me in my bedroom a few minutes ago,” he whispered, “we’d have been on our way to get a marriage license by morning.”
“Because of your conscience?” she asked.
He chuckled softly. “Because of my body,” he breathed. “Lovemaking is addictive. The way I want you, little Abby, I’d have you pregnant by the end of the first week.”
She flushed wildly and hid her face from him, feeling his chest shake with laughter.
“Did you hear what I said,” he whispered, “when you warned me about the risk?”
Her heart ran wild. “Yes.”
His mouth bit at hers. “Didn’t it seem an odd response for a philandering playboy to make?”
“You wanted me—”
“God, I still do!” he breathed. “But a man interested in nothing but a good time is sure as hell not interested in making babies, Abby.”
“Stop that!” she whispered.
He smiled against her mouth, delighting in her innocence, in her reaction. He wasn’t worried anymore. Now, at last, he knew why she’d said what she had in front of his visitor. She’d been offering him a way out. But he didn’t want one. He wanted Abby. He wanted a future.
“I’ll take you home now,” he said gently. “And you can have until your birthday to think about me and miss me and want me. And then, if you can’t stand it anymore, I’ll give you a birthday present you’ll never forget.”
“What?” she asked breathlessly.
He covered her open mouth with his own. “Me,” he breathed into it.
Chapter Eleven (#ulink_84bb3d31-e011-5a99-be7e-a5b80b7deaf3)
Abby pondered that odd remark for the next few lonely weeks. What had Calhoun meant, that they were going to become lovers? Or had he meant something quite different?
He’d taken her home after that last, passionate kiss, and he hadn’t made another single personal remark to her. He’d talked about the feedlot, about things at the house, even about the weather. And he’d left her at Mrs. Simpson’s with a warm, secretive smile, contenting himself with a chaste but breathlessly tender kiss on her forehead.
As he’d promised, he hadn’t called or come visiting. She hadn’t seen him or heard from him since that night. It had been hard going, too. She’d stopped by Misty’s a time or two, pretending to be happy so that her friend wouldn’t ask too many questions. Tyler had asked Abby out again, but she’d refused without really understanding why. She wanted only the memory of Calhoun. If it was all she could ever have of him, it would be more than a lot of lonely women had.
She enjoyed her work at the insurance office, and her bosses were good to her. She settled in without any problem, but she went home to a lonely room, and as the days went by she was almost frantic with the need to see Calhoun.
She’d gone to the Ballenger house to talk to Maria about the party, and she’d left a list of guests for Justin, but to her disappointment both the brothers had been away at the time. She’d managed to get nothing out of Maria, either, except for a careless remark that everything was fine at home and the brothers seemed to be very happy. Which did nothing for Abby’s self-esteem, especially since she missed Maria’s wicked, conspiratorial smile.
The night of the party, Abby drove herself to the Ballenger house. She felt starved for the sight of Calhoun. All her memories and all her fantasies only made it worse.
She was wearing a long electric-blue gown that enhanced her blue-gray eyes and emphasized her exquisite figure. It had soft fabric straps and a crisscross bodice, a fitted waist and a long, narrow skirt. She wore her hair up in a braided coiffure with wispy little curls hanging beside her ears and curling on her forehead. She looked mature and sophisticated. She might not be beautiful, but she felt it tonight, and her face radiated with a glow that only the anticipation of seeing Calhoun could give her.
Maria opened the door and hugged her impulsively. “So lovely,” the older woman sighed. “Everything has worked out so nicely, even the band was on time. Your guests have started arriving. The Jacobses are in the living room with Justin.”
Abby winced, but Maria shook her head.
“No, it is all right,” she said quickly. “Señor Justin and Señor Tyler have been talking cattle, and Señorita Shelby—” Maria smiled sadly. “Her soft eyes feed on Señor Justin like dry flowers welcoming rainfall. It breaks my heart.”
“And mine,” Abby said gently. “I’ll go and keep her company.”
She walked into the living room and smiled at Shelby, who was wearing a long green velvet skirt with a simple chemise top in white silk. She looked exquisitely lovely. Justin and Tyler, in dark suits, rose as she entered the room, both pairs of masculine eyes gazing appreciatively at her dress.
“Happy birthday, honey,” Justin said gently, and went forward to brush his hard mouth against her cheek. “And at least a hundred more.”
“I’ll second that,” Tyler grinned, his green eyes dancing as he bent and kissed her softly on the mouth. “You look delicious.”
“Thank you both,” she replied.
“I remember my own twenty-first birthday,” Shelby sighed after she’d hugged Abby and congratulated her. “It was very special.” Her eyes went helplessly to Justin, who stood very still and looked at her, his dark eyes full of emotion.
Abby could have cried. She hadn’t understood before, but now she knew how devastating it could be to want someone that much. She looked around the room. There were several other people there, friends from school, who waved and lifted their glasses in her direction. She smiled back, but her heart was getting heavier by the second.
“Justin, where’s Calhoun?” she asked finally.
Justin took a draw from his cigarette and dragged his gaze away from Shelby. Abby had asked the question he’d dreaded ever since she’d walked in the door. “I don’t know if he’s going to make it, honey,” he hedged, because he didn’t know where in hell Calhoun was either. She looked devastated, so he improvised. “He said to tell you happy birthday and—Abby!”
She couldn’t help it. She burst into tears, shaking with the disappointment. “I’m sorry…” she sobbed.
“Shelby, take her into the study, please,” Justin said.
“Of course.” Shelby put a gentle arm around her. “Abby, please don’t cry. I know Calhoun would have been here if he could have.”
“I’ll be all right in a minute,” Abby told Justin as they passed him and a quietly curious Tyler. “I’m sorry. It’s been a long week,” she added with a faint smile.
“I’ll knock him through a wall for this,” Justin said coldly. “I swear to God I will.”
“No, you won’t,” Abby sniffed. “As Shelby said, I’m sure he had a good reason.” She laughed coldly. “Probably a blond one…” Tears fell hotly again, and Shelby quickly got her out of the room, across the hall and into the study.
“Now sit down.” Shelby helped her to the burgundy leather sofa. “I’ll get you a brandy. Is that all right?”
“I hate him,” Abby said, burying her face in her hands. “I hate him so much!”
“Yes, I know.” Shelby smiled wryly and poured brandy into a snifter. She gave the glass to Abby, and watched her take a sip and grimace at the harsh taste.
Her blue-gray eyes lifted to Shelby’s green ones. “I haven’t even seen him in weeks,” she said brokenly. “He hasn’t called or come to see me. I didn’t know why then, but now I do. He was letting me down easy. He knows how I feel, and he doesn’t want to hurt me….”
“If it means anything, I know how you feel, too,” Shelby said gently, her eyes soft and sad.
“Yes, I’m sure you do.” Abby touched the older woman’s hand. “Justin never looks at anyone else. Calhoun said once that he supposed Justin would die loving you.”
“And hating me, all at once,” Shelby sighed. “Justin thinks I slept with someone else. He believed my father and a crony of his, and I’ve never been able to make him listen. As if I could have let any other man touch me, ever!”
Abby stared at her, momentarily distracted. “Oh, Shelby,” she whispered.
Shelby grimaced. “Stubborn, proud, hardheaded man.” Her eyes lifted. “I’d die for him.”
“I hope it works out someday.”
The older woman sighed. “Miracles still happen occasionally.” She searched Abby’s eyes. “Will you be all right now?”
Abby finished the brandy. “Of course I will. I don’t care if Calhoun misses my party. I can have a perfectly good time without him. After all, I was only his ward and now I’m not anymore. He’s just another man.” She got up, smoothing her hair. “I’d better fix my makeup.”
She went to the mirror and repaired her lipstick and powder, but there was very little she could do about her red eyes. Then she followed Shelby out the door.
The band was good. They played a succession of dreamy waltzes and country-and-western songs, which their lead singer belted out in a smooth baritone. Abby danced every dance, some with Justin, some with Tyler, and a lot with old school friends. But still Calhoun didn’t make an appearance. Abby grew more vivacious by the minute to cover up her misery.
She was dancing much too close to Tyler in a lazy two-step, when she felt eyes on her back. Without looking, she knew Calhoun had arrived. He’d spoiled her party by not showing up until it was almost over, and she hated him. Having settled that in her mind, she kept her eyes closed and kept dancing.
“Calhoun’s here,” Tyler murmured into her hair.
“So what?” she said icily.
His eyebrows arched. He glanced at Calhoun, who was thunderously angry, and then at Justin, who was heading toward his younger brother with an expression that would have made a lesser man than Calhoun back off.
“Abby, Justin’s going toward Calhoun with blood in his eye.”
“Good,” she muttered. “I hope he kills him.”
“Abby!”
She bit her lower lip. “I don’t care.”
“You don’t care like hell,” Tyler replied curtly. He stopped dancing and held her by the arms. “Stop it. If you want him, for God’s sake, show him that you do. Don’t pout and hem and haw until you lose him.”
“You don’t understand,” she began.
“Abby, look at Shelby and Justin,” he said quietly. “Is that how you want to end up?’
She searched Tyler’s face and then looked over to the doorway, where Justin and Calhoun were talking in terse monosyllables. “All right,” she said wearily.
He smiled. “Good girl. Go on.”
She hesitated, but then she walked away. Tyler watched her go, a faint sadness in his own eyes. That was quickly erased when Misty Davies wandered over in a frothy gold party dress and asked him to dance.
Justin stopped talking when Abby came near. He glared at Calhoun. “Tell it to Abby,” he said shortly. “She’s been having a hell of a good time, though, all by herself.”
Justin smiled faintly at them and wandered off to talk to another of the guests, leaving a cold-eyed Calhoun and a fuming Abby staring at one another.
“Thank you for coming,” she said with faint hauteur. “I’m having a lovely time.”
“How could you think I’d willingly treat you like that?” he asked quietly. “Turn my back on you, deliberately arrive late, embarrass you with your guests…Oh, God, don’t you know me better than that?”
He disconcerted her. She looked up at him helplessly. “What happened?”
“I ran the Jaguar into a ditch and damned near wrecked it,” he said with a mocking smile. “I was going too fast, and I took a curve where there’d been an oil spill that I didn’t know about.”
Her face went white. She saw a graphic mental picture of him lying in a ditch, dead. It erased all her stupid suspicions and left her shaking.
Without a word, she pressed hard against him. She held him, trembling, oblivious to her surroundings, to everything but Calhoun.
“You’re trembling,” he said, faintly surprised. His big hands went to her back, where it was bare over the deep plunge of her dress. “I’m all right, honey.”
She held him tighter, fighting tears. The trembling grew worse, and she couldn’t seem to stop.
“For God’s sake…!”
He drew her out of the room, one big arm supporting her, and into the study. He locked the door behind them, shutting out the music and muffled conversation and other party sounds. His dark eyes looked down into her wild, pale ones.
“I wouldn’t have missed your party on purpose, little one,” he said gently.
That was the old Calhoun, she thought wildly. Her guardian. Her protector. The kind, caring older man who looked after her and kept her safe. But he didn’t look or sound like a lover, and she supposed that he’d used those weeks to good advantage, getting her out of his system. She felt sick and shaken, and she wanted nothing more than to go home and cry herself to sleep.
“No, I’m…I’m sure you wouldn’t have,” she said, her voice husky. She forced a smile. “It was kind of you and Justin to let me have the party here.”
His dark eyes narrowed. He leaned back against the door, elegant in his evening clothes, the white silk of his shirt emphasizing his high cheekbones, his blond hair and dark skin, his powerful build. “You sound strange,” he said. “You look strange.”
“I’ve had a long week, that’s all.” She was beginning to sound like a broken record. “I’m enjoying my new job. I like it very much. We stay busy. And—”
“Stop it,” he said softly.
Her eyes closed, tears burning them. Her hands at her sides tautened into fists and she fought for control. “I’m sorry.”
“Come here, Abby,” he said in a tone that she remembered, deep with tenderness, soft with sensuality.
She opened her eyes. “I don’t want pity,” she whispered.
His chin lifted. “What do you want?”
She lowered her gaze to his highly polished shoes. “The moon,” she said wearily.
He moved forward abruptly. One big, lean hand caught hers and pried it open. He placed something in it and curled her fingers around it. She frowned. Something small and thin and metallic…
She opened her hand. It was a ring, a very simple circle of gold without any flourishes or frills. It was a wedding ring.
He bent, lifting her. He carried her to the burgundy sofa and put her down on it. Then he knelt on the carpet beside her, his lean hands on her waist, his blond hair gleaming like the golden ring in the soft light from the ceiling.
“I love you,” he said softly, holding her gaze as he said it.
Her eyes searched his, getting lost in their dark, unblinking intensity. “W-what?”
“I love you,” he repeated. “I didn’t know it until the night I almost made love to you, and even then I wasn’t sure that I could settle down.” He laughed faintly, watching her with eyes that adored her. “But I’m sure now. These past few weeks have been the purest hell I’ve ever known. A dozen times I’ve almost stormed over to your apartment at three in the morning to get into bed with you. I’ve thought about kidnapping you from work and carrying you off into the mountains. But I promised to give you time, and I have. Now I’ve run out of it. If you don’t marry me, so help me, I’ll ravish you where you sit.”
“I’ll marry you,” she whispered. “But—”
“But what?” he whispered back.
Her lips parted as she let her shoulders droop, so that the silky fabric of her dress fell and revealed all of her breasts except the hard tips. “But wouldn’t you ravish me anyway?”
His breath caught. “As if I needed asking…”
His hands finished the job, stripping the fabric to her waist. He sat looking at the soft, pretty swell of her breasts, watching her breathe for a long moment before he drew her toward him and bent his head.
She began to tremble when she felt his mouth on her soft, heated skin. Her hands cradled his head and she wept softly, kissing his hair, whispering to him. “I love you,” she murmured. “I’m sorry I…made a fuss. I thought you were out with some woman, that you didn’t want me…. Oh, Calhoun!”
His mouth had opened, taking almost all of one perfect breast inside to taste, to caress with his tongue. His lean hand was at her back, searching for a zipper, and in the next instant she was on the carpet under him, her body bare from the neck down except for her briefs and her stockings.
“I was in Houston buying a ring. Buying two rings. Your engagement ring had to be sized. It’s a yellow diamond.” He kissed her hungrily. “I got caught in traffic, and since I knew I was going to be late, I rushed back…too fast. But it’s all right now, isn’t it, sweetheart?” He eased his hands down her body, feeling her tremble. “Abby, suppose we make love right here?” he murmured, stroking her gently with his warm, hard fingers.
“Someone might come in,” she whispered breathlessly.
He smiled as he bent. “I locked the door,” he breathed into her open mouth. “I’m hungry.”
“I’m hungry, too.”
His nose nuzzled hers. “Or we could go up to my bedroom,” he murmured huskily. “And lock the door. Even Justin wouldn’t disturb us there.”
“The guests…”
“They’ll never miss us. They’re too busy enjoying themselves. I want you, Abby. I want you for the rest of my life, until I die. And if I get you pregnant…” He lifted his head, searching her warm, soft eyes. “Would you mind having my child?”
She touched his mouth with aching tenderness. “I love you,” she said. “I want to have lots of babies with you.”
He actually shuddered. “You’re very young.”
She smiled. “All the better.” She traced his heavy eyebrows with her finger. “I can play with them.”
He smoothed back her hair, his eyes full of wonder. “Abby…I never dreamed how sweet it would be to belong to someone. To have someone of my own. And a family.” He touched her breasts tenderly. “Ever since the first time I touched you, I’ve felt as if there’d never been a woman for me. You make it all new and exciting. You make me feel whole.”
“You make me feel the same way.” She reached up to find his mouth with hers, kissing him slowly, tenderly. “Justin won’t like it if we go upstairs together.”
“He won’t see us,” he whispered and smiled wickedly. “Where’s your sense of adventure?”
“I’m nervous—”
“We’ll be married by tomorrow afternoon. I’ve already got the license. All we need is a blood test, and we can have that in the morning.
“You rake,” she said accusingly.
“Reformed rake.”
“All right,” she breathed.
He searched her eyes quietly. “I need you badly. But I can wait if you want me to.”
“You don’t want to,” she said.
He smiled. “I’ve felt married to you since that night in my apartment, Abby. A piece of paper and a few solemn words aren’t going to tie me to you any more firmly than I am right now. I love you, honey,” he said softly. “That’s the beginning and the end of my life, wrapped up in those words.”
She pressed against him. “I love you so.”
He helped her into her dress and led her out the back door, around through the guest bedroom and to the rear staircase. Then he picked her up, laughing softly, and carried her upstairs. He’d just made it to the landing and was turning the corner toward his own room when they ran headfirst into Justin and almost went down on the floor with the impact.
Abby gasped. Calhoun actually turned blood red. Justin’s eyebrows went up expressively. Then they just stared at each other.
“Tired of dancing?” Justin asked after a minute, his lips pursed mischievously.
Calhoun cleared his throat. “We were going to…”
“…talk,” Abby improvised.
Justin’s dark eyes went over Abby’s face, reading all the telltale signs there. Then he glanced toward Calhoun and stared him down.
“Oh, what the hell,” Calhoun muttered darkly. “You know damned good and well where we were going and why. But there’s something you don’t know. I love Abby. We’re getting married tomorrow. The license is in my pocket.”
“And the ring,” Abby added, faintly embarrassed at being caught in such a compromising situation.
“Congratulations,” Justin said pleasantly. “I couldn’t be happier for both of you. And if I might just add, it’s about time.”
Calhoun shifted Abby. “Thank you.”
“You’ll be a lovely brother-in-law,” Abby agreed.
“The very best,” Calhoun added.
Justin smiled. “It won’t work. I’m not going anywhere, and neither are you.”
“Damn it, Justin!” Calhoun ground out.
“Twenty-four hours is just overnight,” Justin continued. “Then you can both go to Houston and have a honeymoon in that penthouse apartment you bought.”
“Listen here…” Calhoun began.
“Abby, you tell him how you really feel about this,” Justin said, staring at her.
She grimaced, her hands linked around Calhoun’s neck. She sighed. “Well, I love him,” she said finally.
“I thought you wanted to,” Calhoun said softly, searching her embarrassed face. “I’d never have forced you.”
“Oh, I know that,” she said, her eyes worshipful. “But I couldn’t refuse you.”
He smiled ruefully. “You’re one of a kind,” he said gently. “And I love you.”
“I love you, too,” she whispered, smiling.
He kissed her softly. “I guess we’d better wait, since Justin is going to stand there until he takes root.”
“I guess we had,” Abby murmured.
Calhoun put Abby on her feet. “Well, let’s go downstairs and dance, Abby,” he said. “Then we can sing that terrific drinking song that Justin taught you.”
Justin glared at him, looking uncomfortable. “You started that.”
Calhoun’s eyebrows lanced upward. “All I did was dance with Shelby.”
Justin stared at him coldly. “And if you hadn’t been my brother, I’d have broken your jaw for it.”
There was a faint sound behind them, and Justin turned to find Shelby standing two steps behind him.
“Go ahead, Shelby, get an earful,” Justin said icily. “Does it please you that after six years I still feel murderous when another man touches you?”
“That works both ways, Justin,” Shelby said quietly. “Or didn’t you know that it would kill me to see you with another woman?”
She turned and stormed off downstairs. Justin stared after her, shocked.
“Why don’t you carry her upstairs?” Calhoun asked his brother with pursed lips. “Then Abby and I could stand on the landing and block your way.”
Justin said something in Spanish that Abby was glad she didn’t understand and stomped off downstairs.
Calhoun glanced at Abby’s questioning face and grinned. “I’ll tell you after we’re married,” he whispered in her ear.
* * *
And he did tell her two days later as they lay together in the big soft bed at his penthouse, sated and close in each other’s arms as the sun drifted lazily through the blinds.
“What did Justin say to you the night you started to carry me upstairs?” she asked drowsily.
“He said that if he ever took Shelby to bed it would be on a desert island with mines on the beach.” he chuckled. “Poor Justin,” he added quietly. “To love like that and not even have a memory to live on.”
She lifted her eyes to his, her hand lazily stroking his thick, hair-matted chest. “What do you mean?”
“Justin never slept with Shelby,” Calhoun said softly. “And since the engagement broke off, he’s never slept with anyone else.”
She caught her breath.
“It isn’t so incredible, Abby,” he mused, rolling over to look down into her soft eyes. The covers had long since been thrown off, and his dark gaze slid over her nudity with possession and exquisite memories of the night before. “I couldn’t touch anyone else after I kissed you.”
“That’s very profound,” she whispered, trembling as his lean hand stroked gently over her taut breasts and down over her belly to the silken softness of her thighs.
“It’s that,” he agreed, bending to brush his lips across her mouth. “Have I hurt you too badly, or is it all right if we make love again?”
She flushed, remembering their first time, the softness of his voice whispering to her to lie still after he’d realized how difficult it was going to be. And then he’d bridled his own needs so that he could rouse her all over again. The pain had been minimal, because the savage hunger he’d kindled in her had surpassed pain or fear or even thought. She’d given everything he’d asked in the end, her body so completely his that he could have done anything to her.
“I’m all right now,” she whispered, adoring his hard face with her eyes. “You made it all right.”
“You were very much a virgin, Mrs. Ballenger,” he said with faint traces of satisfied delight. “And it wasn’t the easiest initiation.”
She traced his chin. “I love you. And any way you loved me would have been all right.”
He kissed her softly. “You make me feel humble.”
“You make me feel wild,” she gasped, arching as his hand moved. Her eyes widened as it moved again. “Yes…do…that…”
He smiled through his own excitement as she responded to him. He enjoyed her innocence as he’d never imagined he could. He held back this time, drawing out his possession until she was crying with her arousal, until she was almost in torment from the need. And then he eased down, tenderly, coaxing her to bank down her own fires and settle into a new and achingly sweet rhythm that brought with it a fulfillment beyond her wildest dreams, beyond even his experience.
Afterward, he cradled her against his hard, damp body, trembling as he held her, stroked her. She’d gone with him every step of the way, and she was exhausted. So was he. She made an adventure of lovemaking, an exquisite expression of shared love. It was something he’d never known in a woman’s arms. Whispering softly, he told her that.
She smiled as she lay nestled against him. “I don’t have anyone to compare you with,” she whispered. “But on a scale of ten, I’d give you a twenty.”
Calhoun laughed softly, closing his eyes and sighing contentedly as he felt her snuggle close to him, her body fitting perfectly against his.
“Abby, how would you feel about living in the old Dempsey place?” he asked unexpectedly.
She opened her eyes. “That big Victorian house that you and Justin bought last year? It’s been remodeled and furnished, hasn’t it? I thought you were going to use it for offices.”
“I’d thought about it,” he told her. “But I want to live there with you.”
“There, and not with Justin?” she asked softly.
He touched her hair. “It will make life hell for him if we’re under the same roof.”
“Yes, I know. To see how happy we are will only point out what he’s lost.” She smiled. “I’ll live with you wherever you say.”
He searched her eyes gently. Then he folded her up against him and drew the sheet over their damp bodies. “I love you, Abby,” he said drowsily.
“I love you, too.” She slid her arm across his broad chest and sighed contentedly. It was spring, and soon the pastures would be dotted with wildflowers and seed would begin sprouting everywhere. She closed her eyes, thinking about the long horizons and lazy summers and the promise of children playing around her skirts while she sat in the circle of Calhoun’s arm and watched the cattle graze. It sounded like the most exciting kind of future to share—with a long, tall Texan at her side.
* * * * *
Justin (#ulink_40921456-899f-5bad-87d0-970362c691ee)
Diana Palmer
SWEET DREAMS...
Sweet dreams had been all that lovely Shelby Jacobs had ever given Justin Ballenger. He’d loved her, wanted to marry her....and his sweet dreams had blown away. A Ballenger wasn’t good enough for Shelby...she’d broken their engagement and flaunted her rich society lover in Justin’s face. He vowed never again to be vulnerable to his beautiful Texas rose.
Shelby had never stopped loving dark, intense Justin, and seeing him only deepened her feelings. She was sure he despised her, but she knew he needed to hear the truth about the past. She was risking everything, but the heart of her lonesome cowboy was more than worth it...
Chapter One (#ulink_3d0a4e8c-6147-5ab3-b643-48105b21e979)
It was a warm morning, and the weatherman had already promised temperatures into the eighties for the afternoon. But the weather didn’t seem to slow down the bidders, and the auctioneer standing on the elegant porch of the tall white mansion kept his monotone steady even though he had to periodically wipe streams of sweat from his heavily jowled face.
As he watched the estate auction, Justin Ballenger’s black eyes narrowed under the brim of his expensive creamy Stetson. He wasn’t buying. Not today. But he had a personal interest in this particular auction. The Jacobs’s home was being sold, lock, stock and barrel, and he should have felt a sense of triumph at seeing old Bass Jacobs’s legacy go down the drain. Oddly enough, he didn’t. He felt vaguely disturbed by the whole proceeding. It was like watching predators pick a helpless victim to the bone.
He kept searching the crowd for Shelby Jacobs, but she was nowhere in sight. Possibly she and her brother, Tyler, were in the house, helping to sort the furniture and other antique offerings.
A movement to his left caught his eye. Abby Ballenger, his sister-in-law of six weeks, stood beside him.
“I didn’t expect to see you here,” she remarked, smiling up at him. She’d lived with him and Calhoun, her
almost-stepbrothers, since the tragic deaths of their father and her mother. Their parents were to have been married, so the brothers took Abby in and looked after her. And just weeks before, she and Calhoun had married.
“I never miss an auction,” he replied. He looked toward the auctioneer. “I haven’t seen the Jacobses.”
“Ty’s in Arizona.” Abby sighed, and she didn’t miss the sudden glare of Justin’s dark eyes. “He didn’t go without a fight, either, but there was some kind of emergency on that ranch he’s helping to manage.”
“Shelby’s alone?” The words were almost wrenched from him.
“Afraid so.” Abby glanced up at him and away, barely suppressing a smile. “She’s at the apartment she’s rented in town.” Abby smoothed a fold of her gray skirt. “It’s above the law office where she works…”
Justin’s hard, dark face went even tauter. The smoking cigarette in his hand was forgotten as he turned to Abby, his whipcord-lean body towering over her. “That isn’t an apartment, for God’s sake, it’s an old storeroom!”
“Barry Holman is letting her convert it,” Abby said, her guileless pale eyes the picture of innocence under her dark hair. “She doesn’t have much choice, Justin. With the house being sold, where else can she afford to live on what she makes? Everything had to go, you know. Tyler and Shelby thought they could at least hold onto the house and property, but it took every last dime to meet their father’s debts.”
Justin muttered something under his breath, glaring toward the big, elegant house that somehow embodied everything he’d hated about the Jacobs family for the past six years, since Shelby had broken their engagement and betrayed him.
“Aren’t you glad?” Abby baited him gently. “You hate her, after all. It should please you to see her brought to her knees in public.”
He didn’t say another word. He turned abruptly, his expression as uncompromising as stone, and strode to where his black Thunderbird was parked. Abby smiled secretively. She’d thought that he’d react, if she could make him see how badly this was going to hurt Shelby. All these long years he’d avoided any contact with the Jacobs family, any mention of them at home. But in recent months, the strain was beginning to tell on him. Abby knew almost certainly that he still felt something for the woman who’d jilted him, and she knew Shelby felt something for Justin, too. Abby, deliriously happy in her own marriage, wanted the rest of the world to be as happy as she was. Perhaps by nudging Justin in the right direction, she might make two miserable people happy.
Justin had only found out about the estate sale that morning, when Calhoun mentioned it at the office at their joint feedlot operation. It had been in the papers, but Justin had been out of town looking at cattle and he hadn’t seen the notice.
He wasn’t surprised that Shelby was staying away from the auction. She’d been born in that house. She’d lived in it all her life. Shelby’s grandfather, in fact, had founded the small Texas town of Jacobsville. They were old money, and the ragged little Ballenger boys from the run-down cattle ranch down the road weren’t the kind of friends Mrs. Bass Jacobs had wanted for her children, Tyler and Shelby. But she’d died, and Mr. Jacobs had been friendly toward the Ballengers, especially when Justin and Calhoun had opened their feedlot. And when the old man found out that Shelby intended to marry Justin Ballenger, he’d told Justin he couldn’t be more pleased.
Justin tried never to think about the night Bass Jacobs and young Tom Wheelor had come to see him. Now it all came back. Bass Jacobs had been upset. He told Justin outright that Shelby was in love with Tom and not only in love, the couple had been sleeping together all through the farce of Shelby’s “engagement” to Justin. He was ashamed of her, Bass lamented. The engagement was Shelby’s way of bringing her reluctant suitor into line, and now that Justin had served his purpose, Shelby didn’t need him anymore. Sadly, he handed Justin Shelby’s engagement ring and Tom Wheelor had mumbled a red-faced apology. Bass had even cried. Perhaps his shame had prompted his next move, because he’d promised on the spot to give Justin the financial backing he needed to make the new feedlot a success. There was only one condition—that Shelby never know where the money came from. Then he’d left.
Never one to believe ill of anyone without hard evidence, Justin phoned Shelby while Bass was still starting his car. But she didn’t deny what Justin had been told. In fact, she confirmed all of it, even the part about having slept with Wheelor. She’d only wanted to make Tom jealous so he’d propose, she told Justin. She hoped he hadn’t been too upset with her, but then, she’d always had everything she wanted, and Justin wasn’t rich enough to cater to her tastes just yet. But Tom was…
Justin had believed her. And because she’d pushed him away the one time he’d tried to make love to her, her confession rang with the truth. He’d gone on a legendary bender afterward. And for the past six years, no other woman had ever gotten close enough to make a dent in his heart. He’d been impervious to all the offers, and there had been some. He wasn’t a handsome man. His dark face was too craggy, his features too irregular, his unsmiling countenance too forbidding. But he had wealth and power, and that drew women to him. He was too bitter, though, to accept that kind of attention. Shelby had hurt him as no one else in his life ever had, and for years all he’d lived for was the thought of vengeance.
But now that he saw her brought to her knees financially, it was unsatisfying. All he could think of was that she was going to be hurt and she had no family, no friends to comfort her.
The apartment above the law office where she worked was tiny, and it didn’t sit well with him that it was in such proximity to her bachelor boss. He knew Holman by reputation, and rumor had it that he liked pretty women. Shelby, with her long black hair, slender figure and green, sparkling eyes, would more than qualify. She was twenty-seven now, hardly a girl, but she didn’t look much older than she had when she and Justin became engaged. She had an innocence about her, still, that made Justin grind his teeth. It was false; she’d even admitted it.
He paused at the door to the apartment, his hand raised to knock. There was a muffled noise from inside. Not laughter. Tears?
His jaw tautened and he knocked roughly.
The noise ceased abruptly. There was a scraping sound, like a chair being moved, and soft footsteps that echoed the quick, hard beat of his heart.
The door opened. Shelby stood there, in clinging faded jeans and a blue checked shirt, her long dark hair disheveled and curling down her back, her green eyes red-rimmed and wet.
“Did you come to gloat, Justin?” she asked with quiet bitterness.
“It gives me no pleasure to see you humbled,” he replied, his chin lifted, his black eyes narrow. “Abby said you were alone.”
She sighed, dropping her eyes to his dusty, worn boots. “I’ve been alone for a long time. I’ve learned to live with it.” She shifted restlessly. “Are there a lot of people at the auction?”
“The yard’s full,” he said. He took off his hat and held it in one hand while the other raked his thick, straight black hair.
She looked up, her eyes lingering helplessly on the hard lines of his craggy face, on the chiseled mouth she’d kissed so hungrily six years ago. She’d been so desperately in love with him then. But he’d become something out of her slight experience the night they became engaged, and his ardor had frightened her. She’d fought away from him, and the memory of how it had been with him, just before the fear became tangible, was formidable. She’d wanted so much more than they’d shared, but she had more reason than most women to fear intimacy. But Justin didn’t know that and she’d been too shy to explain her actions.
She turned away with a groan of anguish. “If you can bear my company, I’ll fix you a glass of iced tea.”
He hesitated, but only for an instant. “I could use that,” he said quietly. “It’s hot as hell out there.”
He followed her inside, absently closing the door behind him. But he stopped dead when he saw what she was having to contend with. He stiffened and almost cursed out loud.
There were only two rooms in the makeshift apartment. They were bare except for a worn sofa and chair, a scratched coffee table and a small television set. Her clothes were apparently being kept in a closet, because there was no evidence of a dresser. The kitchen boasted a toaster oven and a hot plate and a tiny refrigerator. This, when she was used to servants and silk robes, silver services and Chippendale furniture.
“My God,” he breathed.
Her back stiffened, but she didn’t turn when she heard the pity in his deep voice. “I don’t need sympathy, thank you,” she said tightly. “It wasn’t my fault that we lost the place, it was my father’s. It was his to lose. I can make my own way in the world.”
“Not like this, damn it!” He slammed his hat down on the coffee table and took the pitcher of tea out of her hands, moving it aside. His lean, work-roughened hands held her wrists and he stared down at her with determination. “I won’t stand by and watch you try to survive in a rattrap like this. Barry Holman and his charity be damned!”
Shelby was shocked, not only by what he was saying, but by the way he looked. “It’s not a rattrap,” she faltered.
“Compared to what you were used to, it is,” he returned doggedly. His chest rose and fell on an angry sigh. “You can stay with me for the time being.”
She blushed beet-red. “In your house, alone with you?”
He lifted his chin. “In my house,” he agreed. “Not in my bed. You won’t have to pay me for a roof over your head. I do remember with vivid clarity that you don’t like my hands on you.”
She could have gone through the floor at the bitter mockery in the words. She couldn’t meet those black eyes or challenge the flat statement without embarrassing them both. Anyway, it was so long ago. It didn’t matter now.
She looked at his shirt instead, at the thick mat of black hair under the white silk. He’d let her touch him there, once. The night of their engagement, he’d unbuttoned it and given her hands free license to do what they liked. He’d kissed her as if he’d die to kiss her, but he’d frightened her half out of her mind when the kisses went a little too far.
Until that night, he’d never tried to touch her, or gone further than brief, light kisses. His holding back had first disturbed her and then made her curious. Surely Justin was as experienced as his brother, Calhoun. But perhaps he’d had hang-ups about the distance between their social standing. Justin had been barely middle class at the time, and Shelby’s family was wealthy. It hadn’t mattered to her, but she could see that it might have bothered Justin. And especially after she jilted him, because of her father’s treacherous insistence.
She’d gotten even with her father, though. He’d planned for her to marry Tom Wheelor, in a cold-blooded merger of property, and Justin had gotten in the way. But Shelby had refused Tom Wheelor’s advances and she’d never let him touch her. She’d told Bass Jacobs she wouldn’t marry his wealthy young friend. The old man hadn’t capitulated then, but just before his death, when he realized how desperately Shelby loved Justin, he’d felt bad about what he’d done. He hadn’t told her that his guilt had driven him to stake Justin’s feedlot, but he’d apologized.
She looked up then, searching Justin’s dark eyes quietly, remembering. It had been hard, going on without him. Her dreams of loving him and bearing his sons had died long ago, but it was still a pleasure beyond bearing just to look at him. And his hands on her wrists made her body glow, tingle with forbidden longings, like the warm threat of his powerful, cologne-scented body. If only her father hadn’t interfered. Inevitably, she’d have been able to explain her fears to Justin, to ask him to be gentle, to go slow. But it was too late now.
“I know you don’t want me anymore, Justin,” she said gently. “I even understand why. You don’t need to feel responsible for me. I’ll be all right. I can take care of myself.”
He breathed slowly, trying to keep himself under control. The feel of her silky skin was giving him some problems. Unwillingly, his thumbs began to caress her wrists.
“I know that,” he said. “But you don’t belong here.”
“I can’t afford a better apartment just yet,” she said. “But I’ll get a raise when I’ve been working for two months, and then maybe I can get the room that Abby had at Mrs. Simpson’s.”
“You can get it now,” he said tersely. “I’ll loan you the money.”
She lowered her eyes. “No. It wouldn’t look right.”
“Only you and I would know.”
She bit her lower lip. She couldn’t tell him that she hated the thought of being in this place, so near Barry Holman, who was a nice boss but a hopeless womanizer. She hesitated.
Before she could say yes or no, there was a knock on the door. Justin let her go reluctantly and watched her move toward the door.
Barry Holman stood there, in jeans and a sweatshirt, blond and blue-eyed and hopeful. “Hi, Shelby,” he said pleasantly. “I thought you might need some help moving…in.” His voice trailed away and he saw Justin standing behind her.
“Not really,” Justin said with a cold smile. “She’s on her way over to Mrs. Simpson’s to take on Abby’s old room. I’m helping her move, although I knew she appreciated the offer of this—” he looked around distastefully “—apartment.”
Barry Holman swallowed. He’d known Justin for a long time, and he was just about convinced that the rumors he’d heard were true. Justin might not want Shelby himself, but he was damned visible if anybody else made a pass at her.
“Well,” he said, still smiling, “I’d better get back downstairs then. I had some calls to make. Good to see you again, Justin. See you early Monday morning, Shelby.”
“Thanks anyway, Mr. Holman,” she said. “I don’t want to seem ungrateful, but Mrs. Simpson offers meals as well, and it’s peaceful there.” She smiled. “I’m not used to town living, and Mrs. Simpson has the room free right now…”
“No hard feelings, you go right ahead.” Barry grinned. “So long.”
Justin glared after him. “Lover boy,” he muttered. “Just what you need.”
She turned, her eyes soft on his face. “I’m twenty-seven,” she said. “I want to marry and have children eventually. Mr. Holman is very nice, and he doesn’t have any bad habits.”
“Except that he’ll sleep with anything that wears skirts,” he replied tersely. He didn’t like thinking about Shelby having another man’s children. His black eyes searched over her body. Yes, she was getting older, not that she looked it. In eight or ten years, children might be a risk for her. His expression hardened.
“He’s never said anything improper to me.” She faltered, confused by the way he was looking at her.
“Give him time.” He drew in a slow breath. “I said I’ll loan you enough to get the room at Mrs. Simpson’s. If you’re hell-bent on independence, you can pay me back at your convenience.”
She had to swallow her pride, and it hurt to let him help her when she knew how bitter he was about the past. But he was a caring man, and she was a stray person in the world. Justin’s heart was too big to allow him to turn his back on her, even after what he thought she’d done to him. Quick, hot tears sprang to her green eyes as she remembered what she’d been forced to say to him, the way she’d hurt him.
“I’m so sorry,” she said unexpectedly, biting her lip as she turned away.
The words, and the emotion behind them, surprised him. Surely she didn’t have any regrets this late. Or was she just putting on an act to get his sympathy? He couldn’t trust her.
She got herself back together and brushed at the loose hair at her neck as she poured the tea into two glasses filled with ice. “I’ll let you lend me the money, if you really don’t mind,” she said, handing him his glass without looking up. “I don’t like the idea of living alone.”
“Neither do I, Shelby, but it’s something you get used to after a while,” he said quietly. He sipped his tea, but he couldn’t pry his eyes away from her soft oval face. “What is it like, having to work for a living?”
She didn’t react to the mockery in the words. She smiled. “I like it,” she said surprisingly, and lifted her eyes to his. “I had things to do, you know, when we had money. I belonged to a lot of volunteer groups and charities. But law offices cater to unhappy people. When I can help them feel a little better, it makes me forget my own problems.”
His black brows drew together as he sipped the cool, sweet amber liquid. The glass was cold under his lean fingers.
She searched his black eyes. “You don’t believe me, do you, Justin?” she asked perceptively. “You saw me as a socialite, a reasonably attractive woman with money and a cultured background. But that was an illusion. You never really knew me.”
“I wanted you, though,” he replied, watching her. “But you never wanted me, honey. Not physically, at any rate.”
“You rushed me!” she burst out, coloring as she remembered that night.
“Rushed you! Up until that night, I hadn’t even kissed you intimately, for God’s sake!” His black eyes glittered at her as he remembered her rejection and his own sick certainty that she didn’t love him. “I’d kept you on a pedestal until then. And all the time, you were sleeping with that boy millionaire!”
She threw up her hands. “I never slept with Tom Wheelor!”
“You said you did,” he reminded her with a cold smile. “You swore it, in fact.”
She closed her eyes on a wave of bitter regret. “Yes, I said it,” she agreed wearily, and turned away. “I’d almost forgotten.”
“And all the postmortems accomplish nothing, do they?” he asked. He put down the glass and pulled out a cigarette, lighting it without removing his eyes from her stiff expression. “It doesn’t matter anymore. Let’s go. I’ll run over to Mrs. Simpson’s and you can see about the room.”
Shelby knew that he’d never give an inch. He hadn’t forgotten anything and he still despised her. She felt as if the world was sitting on her thin shoulders as she got her purse and followed him to the door. She didn’t look at him as they left.
Chapter Two (#ulink_ae1f6c55-bfbd-533b-bd6e-561cabcdfe51)
Justin tucked a wad of bills into Shelby’s purse when he stopped the Thunderbird on the side of the road near Mrs. Simpson’s house. She tried to protest, but he simply smoked his cigarette and ignored her.
“I told you earlier that the money was between you and me,” he said quietly, his dark eyes challenging as he cut the engine. He turned in the bucket seat, his long legs stretched out as he touched the power-window switch on the console panel. It was a rural road, and sparsely traveled. He had stopped under a spreading oak tree. He hooked his elbow on the open window to study Shelby narrowly. “I meant it. If you want to look on it as a loan, that’s up to you.”
She chewed on her lower lip. “I’ll be able to pay you back one day,” she said doggedly, even though she knew better. With what she made, it was going to be a struggle to eat and pay the rent. New clothes might become impossible.
“I’m not worried about it.”
“Yes, but I am.” She looked up, all her misgivings in her green eyes. “Oh, Justin, what am I going to do?” she moaned. “I’m alone for the first time in my life. Ty’s in Arizona, I have no family…” She got a grip on herself, averting her eyes. “It’s just panic,” she said tightly. “Just fear. I’ll get used to it. I’m sorry I said that.”
He didn’t speak. He’d never seen Shelby helpless. She’d always been poised and calm. It was new and faintly disturbing to see her frightened.
“If things get too rough,” he replied quietly, “you can move in with me.”
She laughed hollowly. “That would do our reputations a world of good.”
He blew out a cloud of smoke. “If gossip bothers you all that much, we can get married.” He said it carelessly, but his eyes were sharp on her face.
She knew she wasn’t breathing. She looked at him as the old wounds opened with a vengeance. “Why?” she asked.
He didn’t want to answer her. He didn’t want to admit, even to himself, that he was still vulnerable. He shrugged. “You need a place to stay. I’m tired of living alone. Since Abby and Calhoun moved out, the damned house is like a mausoleum.”
“You feel sorry for me,” she accused.
He took another draw from the cigarette. “Maybe I do. So what? Right now you don’t have many options. Either you borrow from me to afford Mrs. Simpson’s boarding house, or you marry me.” He studied the tip of the cigarette. “Of course, you can always go back to that converted storeroom over Barry Holman’s office and show him that you’re available—”
“You stop that,” she muttered. She shifted restlessly. “Mr. Holman isn’t that kind of man. And you have no reason to feel possessive about me.”
“Haven’t I?” His black eyes searched hers. “But I am, just the same. And I remember your saying the same thing about me. We were engaged once, Shelby. That kind of involvement doesn’t go away.”
“Some involvement,” she said with a tired sigh. “I never could decide why you wanted to marry me.”
“You were a feather in my cap,” he said coldly, lying through his teeth. “A rich sophisticate. I was just a country boy with stars in my eyes, and you took me for a hell of a ride, lady. Now it’s my turn. I’ve got money and you haven’t.” His dark eyes narrowed. “And don’t think I want to marry you out of some lingering passion.”
He hadn’t forgotten. It was in his eyes, his whole look. He’d marry her and make her hunger for a love he’d never felt, couldn’t feel for her. He held her in contempt because he thought she’d slept with Tom Wheelor, and that was the biggest joke of all. She was still a virgin, and wouldn’t it throw a stick into his spokes to find that out the hard way?
“No.” She sighed, belatedly answering his question. “I’m not stupid enough to think you still want me, after what I did to your pride.” She lifted her eyes to study the proud, arrogant set of his dark head, his eyes shadowed by the Stetson he always wore. “I used to think you cared for me a little, even though you never said you did.”
That was the truth. She’d never really been sure why he wanted to marry her. Except for that one night, he hadn’t been wild to try to get her into bed, and he’d never seemed emotionally involved, either. But she’d been so in love with him that she had not realized how relatively uninvolved he’d seemed until after their engagement had been broken.
He ignored her remarks. “If you want security, I can give it to you,” he said quietly. “I’ve got money now, although I’ll never be in the same class as your father was. He had millions.”
She closed her eyes on a wave of shame. She had her father and her own naïveté to thank for Justin’s bitterness. But Justin wanted revenge and she’d be a fool to deliver herself on a silver platter to him. “No, Justin. I can’t marry you,” she said after a minute. Her hand reached for the door handle. “It was a crazy idea!” She averted her face so that all he could see of it was her profile.
He put his hand over hers briefly, holding it, and then withdrew his fingers almost as quickly. His expression hardened. “It’s a big house,” he said. “With Calhoun and Abby living down the road, there’s only Lopez and Maria living with me. You wouldn’t need to work if you didn’t want to, and you’d have security.”
He was offering her heaven, except that it was impersonal on his part. More than anything else, he felt sorry for her. But under the pity was a darker need; she could feel it. Something in him wanted revenge for her rejection six years ago. His pride wanted restitution. Well, didn’t she owe him that, she wondered bitterly, after what her father had cost him? And she’d be near him. She’d have meals with him. She could sit with him in the evenings while he watched television. She could sleep under the same roof. Her hungry heart wanted that, so badly. Too badly.
“I don’t guess you’d…I don’t suppose you’d ever want a…” She couldn’t even say it. A child, she was thinking, although God only knew how she’d manage to deal with what had to happen to produce one.
“I won’t want a divorce,” he said, misunderstanding her thoughts. His eyes narrowed. “I’m not exactly Mr. America, in case you haven’t noticed. And I don’t want a woman I have to buy, unless it’s on my terms.”
That sounded suspiciously like a dig at her, because she’d refused him for what he thought was a lack of money. Her eyes lifted to his. “Do you still hate me, Justin?” she asked; she needed to know.
He stared at her without speaking for a long moment, quietly smoking his cigarette. “I’m not sure what I feel.”
That reply was honest enough, even if it wasn’t a declaration of undying love. There were so many wounds between them, so much bitterness. It was probably an insane thing to do, but she couldn’t resist the temptation.
She stared at his cigarette instead of at him. “I’ll marry you, then, if you mean it.”
He didn’t move, but something inside him went wild at the words. She couldn’t know how many nights he’d spent aching for just the sight of her, how desperately he wanted her near him. But he could never trust her again, and that was the hell of it. She was just a stray person, he told himself. Just someone who needed help. He had to think of her that way, and not want the moon. She might even play up to him out of gratitude, so he’d have to be on his guard every minute. But, oh, God, he wanted her so!
“Then we don’t need to see Mrs. Simpson until we’ve had time to make plans.” He started the car, pulled out onto the road and turned the Thunderbird toward the feedlot and his house. His hands had a perceptible tremor. He gripped the steering wheel hard to keep Shelby from seeing how her answer affected him.
If Maria and Lopez were shocked to see Shelby with Justin, they didn’t say anything. Lopez vanished into the kitchen while Maria fussed over Shelby, bringing coffee and pastries into the living room where Justin sprawled in his armchair and Shelby perched nervously on the edge of the sofa.
“Thank you, Maria,” Shelby said with a warm smile.
The Mexican woman smiled back. “It is my pleasure, señorita. I will be in the kitchen if you need me, señor,” she added to Justin before she went out, discreetly closing the door behind her.
Shelby noticed that Justin didn’t comment on Maria’s obvious conclusions. Perhaps Maria thought he might want to wrestle her down onto the sofa, but Shelby knew better. Justin had done that once, and only once. And she’d been so frightened that she’d reacted stupidly. She’d never forgiven herself for that. Justin had probably thought she found his ardor distasteful, and that was the last thing it had been.
She sighed, lowering her eyes to his black boots. They weren’t working boots; they were the ones he wore when he dressed up. He had such big feet and hands. She smiled, remembering how it had been when they’d first started dating. They’d been like children, fascinated with each other’s company, both of them a little shy and reserved. It had never gone beyond kisses except the night they got engaged.
“I said, do you want some coffee?” Justin repeated pointedly, holding the silver coffeepot over a cup he’d just filled.
“Oh. Yes, thank you.” She took it black, and apparently he remembered her preference, because he didn’t offer her any cream or sugar. He poured his own cup full, put a dash of cream in it and sat back with the china cup and saucer balanced on his crossed knee.
Shelby glanced at him and wondered how she could contemplate living under the same roof with him. He was so unapproachable. Obviously he wanted revenge. She’d be a fool to give him that much rope to hang her with.
On the other hand, if she was living with him, she had a better chance than ever of changing his mind about her. All she really had to do to prove her innocence was to get him into bed. But that was the whole problem. She was scared to death of intimacy.
“Why the blush?” he asked, watching her.
She cleared her throat. “It’s warm in here,” she said.
“Is it?” He laughed mirthlessly and sipped his coffee. “In case you wondered, you’ll have your own room. I won’t expect any repayment for giving you a home.”
The blush went scarlet. She had to fight not to fling her cup at him. “You’re making me sound like a charity case.”
“I’ll bet that rankles,” he agreed. “But Tyler can’t help you and hold down a job at the same time. And you’ll never make it on what Holman pays you, with all due respect to him. Secretaries in small towns don’t make much.”
“I’m not mercenary,” she said defensively.
“Sure,” he replied. He sipped his coffee without another word.
“Listen, Justin, it was all my father’s idea, that fake engagement to Tom Wheelor—”
“Your father would never have done that to me,” he interrupted coldly, and his eyes went black, threatening as he leaned forward. “Don’t try to use him for a scapegoat just because he’s dead. He was one of the best friends I had.”
That’s what you think, she mused bitterly. Obviously it wasn’t going to do any good to talk to him. Just because her father had put on a show of liking him was no reason to put the man on a pedestal. God only knew why Justin had such respect for a man who’d caused him years of bitter humiliation.
“You’ll never trust me again, will you?” she asked softly.
He studied her lovely face, her pale green eyes staring at him, her gaze burning into his soul. “No,” he replied with the honesty that was as much a part of him as his craggy face and thick black hair. “There’s too much water under the bridge. But if you think I’m nursing a broken heart, don’t. I found you out just a little too soon. My pride suffered, but you never touched my heart.”
“I don’t imagine any woman ever got close enough to do that,” she said, her voice soft. She traced the rim of the china cup. “Abby told me once that you haven’t dated anyone for a long time.”
“I’m thirty-seven years old,” he reminded her. “I sowed my wild oats years ago, even before I started going with you.” He finished his coffee and put the cup down. His black eyes met hers in a direct gaze. “And we both know that you’ve sown yours, and who with.”
“You don’t know me at all, Justin,” she said. “You never did. You said I was a status symbol to you, and looking back, I guess I was, at that.” She laughed bitterly. “You used to take me around to your friends to show me off, and I felt like one of those purebred horses Ty used to take to the steeplechase.”
He stared at her over his smoking cigarette. “I took you around because you were pretty and sweet, and I liked being with you,” he said heavily. “That was a lot of garbage about wanting you for a status symbol.”
She leaned back wearily. “Thank you for telling me,” she said. “But I guess it doesn’t matter now, does it?” She finished her coffee and put the cup down. “Are we going to have a church wedding?” she asked.
“Aren’t we a little old for that kind of ceremony?” he asked.
“I can see you’re still eating live rattlesnakes to keep your venom potent,” she said without flinching. “I want a church wedding.”
He dusted the long ash from his cigarette into an ashtray. “It would be quicker to go to a justice of the peace.”
“I’m not pregnant,” she reminded him, averting her self-conscious face. “There’s no great rush, is there?”
She was tying him up in knots. He glared at her. “All right, have your church wedding. You can stay at Mrs. Simpson’s until we’re married, just to keep everything discreet.” His dark eyes narrowed as he got up and crushed out his cigarette. “There’s just one thing. Don’t you come down that aisle in a white dress. If you dare, I’ll walk out the front door of the church and keep going.”
She lifted her chin. “Don’t you know what every woman in the congregation will think?”
The soft accusation in her green eyes made him feel guilty. He was still hurt by Shelby’s affair with Tom Wheelor. He’d wanted to sting her, but he hadn’t counted on the wounded look in her eyes.
“You can wear something cream-colored,” he muttered reluctantly.
Her lower lip trembled. “Take me to bed.” Her eyes dared him, even though she went scarlet and shuddered at her own boldness. “If you think I’m lying about being innocent, I can prove I’m telling the truth!”
His black eyes cut back to hers, unblinking. “You know as well as I do that it takes a doctor to establish virginity. Even an experienced man can’t tell.”
Her face colored. She could have told him that in her case, it would be more than normally evident, and that her doctor could so easily settle all his doubts. She started to, despite her embarrassment at discussing such an intimate subject, but before she could open her mouth, there was a quick knock at the door and Lopez came in with a message for Justin.
“I’ve got some cattle out in the road,” he told Shelby. “Come on. I’ll run you over to Mrs. Simpson’s first. You can call Abby and make plans for the wedding. She’ll be glad to help with the invitations and such.”
She didn’t even argue. She was too drained. They were going to be married, but he was going to see to it that she was publicly disgraced, like an adultress being paraded through the streets.
Her teeth ground together as they went out to the car. Well, she’d get around him somehow. She wasn’t going to wear anything except a white gown to walk down that aisle. And if he left her standing there, all right. Maybe he didn’t even mean what he’d said. She had to keep believing that, for the sake of her pride. He didn’t know, and she’d hurt him badly. But, oh, how different things had been six years ago.
Shelby had known the Ballengers all her life. Ty, her brother, and Calhoun, Justin’s brother, were friends. That meant that she naturally saw Justin from time to time. At first he’d been cold and very standoffish, but Shelby had thought of him as a challenge. She’d started teasing him gently, flirting shyly. And the change in him had been devastating.
They’d gone to a Halloween party at a mutual friend’s, and someone had handed Shelby a guitar. To Justin’s amazement, she’d played it easily, trying to slow down enough to adjust to the rather inept efforts of their host, who was learning to play lead guitar.
Without a word, Justin had perched himself on a chair beside her and held out his hand. Their host, with a grin that Shelby hadn’t understood at the time, gave the instrument to Justin. He nodded to Shelby, tapped out the meter with his booted foot and launched into a rendition of San Antonio Rose that brought the house down.
After the first shock wore off, Shelby’s long, graceful fingers caught up the rhythm and seconded him to perfection. He looked into her eyes as they wound to a finish, and he smiled. And at that moment, Shelby gave him her heart.
It wasn’t a sudden thing, really. She’d known for years how kind he was. He’d just taken Abby in and given her a home when the girl’s mother and Mr. Ballenger had died in a tragic car wreck. Justin was always around when someone needed a helping hand, and there wasn’t a more generous or harder working man in Jacobsville. He had a temper, too, but he controlled it most of the time, and his men respected him because he didn’t ask them to do anything he wasn’t willing to do himself. He was the boss, along with Calhoun, but Justin was always the first to arrive and the last to leave when there was a job to be done. He had many admirable qualities, and Shelby was young and impressionable, and just at the right age to fall hopelessly in love with an older man.
After that night, she seemed to see Justin everywhere. At the restaurant where she had lunch with a friend on Tuesdays and Thursdays, at social events, at charity bazaars, where she went riding on trails that wound near the Ballenger property. It didn’t occur to her to wonder why such a reclusive, hard-working man suddenly had so much free time and spent it at places she was known to frequent. She was in love, and every second spent with Justin fed her hungry heart.
She hadn’t thought he was interested in her at first. They had a lot in common, despite their very different backgrounds, and he seemed to enjoy talking to her.
Then, very suddenly, everything changed. They were walking down the trail, near where they’d tied their horses, and Justin had suddenly stopped walking to lean against a tree. He didn’t say a word, but the expression in his eyes spoke volumes. He had a smoking cigarette in one hand, but he held out the other one to Shelby.
Shelby didn’t know what to expect when she took it. Her heart was hammering and she looked at his mouth and wanted it obsessively. Perhaps he knew that, but he didn’t take advantage of it.
He pulled her closer. Only their hands were touching. Then, his black eyes searching her soft green ones, he bent slowly, giving her all the time in the world to pull back, to hesitate, to show him that she didn’t want him.
But she did. She stood very still as his hard lips brushed hers, her eyes open, watching him. He lifted his head and searched her eyes.
He dropped the cigarette and ground it out under his boot while her heart went crazy. His arms slid around her, bringing her against him but not intimately. He bent again and kissed her with tenderness and respect, with soft wonder. She kissed him back the same way, her arms around his shoulders, her mind sinking into layers of pleasure.
He drew back a minute later and let her go without a word. He took her hand in his and they started walking.
“Do you want a big wedding, or will a civil service do?” he asked as easily as if they were discussing the weather.
And just that quickly they were engaged. That night they went back to her house and told her father. Although his first expression was explosive, they didn’t see it. He turned away long enough to compose himself, and then he made happy conversation and welcomed Justin into the family. Justin took Shelby home to share the news with Calhoun and Abby, but Abby was spending the night with a girlfriend and Calhoun had flown to Oklahoma to see a man on business.
They’d had the house to themselves. Shelby remembered so vividly how they’d laughed and toasted their future happiness. Then he’d drawn her to him and kissed her in a very different way, and she’d blushed at the intimacy of his tongue probing delicately inside her lips.
“We’re going to be married,” he’d whispered with open delight at her innocence. “I won’t hurt you.”
“I know.” She buried her face in his white silk shirt. “But it’s so new, being like this with you.”
“It’s new for me, too,” he breathed. His chest rose and fell heavily. He moved her hands a little to the side of the buttons on his shirt and pressed them hard against him while he flipped buttons out of buttonholes and then guided her fingers to the thick mat of hair that covered his muscular, suntanned chest.
“Now,” he breathed. “Touch me, Shelby.”
She was shocked at this new intimacy, but when he bent and took her mouth under his, she forgot the shock and relaxed against him. Her fingers curled, liking the feel of him, the smell of him that lingered like spice in her nostrils.
“Harder,” he whispered roughly. He pressed her hands closer and when she looked up, there was an expression in his eyes that she’d never seen in the weeks they’d been going together. Something wild and out of control was visible there. She trembled a little at that glimpse of desire she hadn’t expected to find in such a controlled man.
Then his hand went under her nape, lifting her up to his mouth, and he took her lips in brief, biting kisses that had an unexpected, unbelievable effect on her. She moaned helplessly, frightened at the new sensations.
But to Justin, a moan had a totally different meaning. He thought she was as immersed in pleasure as he was, and his mouth grew suddenly invasive, insistent. His hands dropped to Shelby’s slender hips and suddenly lifted her against him into an embrace that shocked her senseless.
She knew very little about men and intimacy, but the changed contours of Justin’s hard body told her graphically what he was feeling. He groaned into her mouth as he moved against her in blatant arousal.
She struggled, but he was strong and half out of his mind with unbridled passion. He didn’t realize that she was trying to get away until she dragged her mouth away from his and pushed at him, begging him to stop.
He lifted his head, breathing roughly, his eyes black with frustration.
“Shelby…” he ground out in agony.
“Let me go!” she moaned. “Please…Justin, don’t!”
“I’ll stop before we go all the way,” he whispered against her mouth, and bent to kiss her again. Her protests muffled under his warm, drugging mouth, he lifted her off the floor and carried her to the sofa, putting her down gently, full-length, on its soft cushions.
He shuddered with unbearable need, his mouth rough as it pressed against hers. His body slid over her, pushing her into the cushions, heavy and hard and intimate. She felt his sudden loss of control with real fear. She knew what could happen, and that they were engaged. He might not try very hard to stop.
“Justin!”
“I’m not going to take your chastity, Shelby,” he breathed into her mouth. His brows drew together in agonized pleasure as his hands slid over her hips. “Oh, God, honey, don’t hold back with me. Let me love you. Kiss me back…”
The words died against her soft mouth. He kissed her with growing hunger, his loss of control evident in the urgent movement of his hips against hers, his hands suddenly searching as they moved over her soft breasts. Then his knee moved between her legs and she panicked.
She began to fight him, afraid of the unfamiliar intimacy that was beyond her experience. She pushed at him. All at once, he seemed to feel her resistance. He lifted his head, his eyes blazing with black hunger, and just stared at her for an instant, disoriented. Then when he saw the rejection, felt it in the stiffness of her body, he suddenly tore away from her and got to his feet. By the time she was able to breathe again, he was standing several feet away smoking a cigarette. Several tense minutes passed before he turned around again to pour brandy into two snifters. He gave her one and smiled mockingly at the way she avoided touching him.
He turned away from her to stare out the window while he sipped his brandy. His back was ramrod stiff. “We’ll sleep together when we’re married,” he said. “I hope you know that I don’t plan on separate rooms.”
“I know.” She sipped her own drink with shaking hands, wanting to explain, but his attitude was hardly welcoming. “Justin…I’m a virgin.”
“Don’t you think I knew that?” he asked tersely. He looked at her and his expression was a cold and totally unreadable mask, hiding emotions she couldn’t even guess at. “My God, we’re going to be married. Do I have to stop touching you altogether until the ring’s on your finger?”
She started to speak and lowered her eyes to her glass. She stiffened. “Perhaps…it might be wiser.”
“Considering my lack of control, I suppose you mean.” He said it icily, in a tone she’d never heard him use. He drank his brandy and after a while, the anger seemed to go out of him, to Shelby’s relief. He didn’t apologize, but he went to her and took her hand gently, smiling at her as if nothing at all had happened. They drank brandy, and he taught her a Mexican drinking song as the aftereffects of the evening and the potency of the aged brandy began to work on them. Maria and Lopez had chanced to come home then from a party and Justin had taken Shelby home. Maria had been raging at him in Spanish, and Shelby only found out later that the song he’d been teaching her wasn’t one she could ever sing in public.
She’d looked forward to the wedding with joy and also with apprehension. Justin’s passion had unsettled her and made her doubt her ability to match him. He was experienced and she wasn’t, and she was more afraid than ever of having him make love to her when he was totally out of control.
But there was no cause for alarm, because there was no more heated lovemaking. The most ardent move he made for days afterward was to kiss her cheek or hold hands with her, and all the while, those black eyes wandered over her with the strangest searching expression. She relaxed and began to enjoy his company again, losing her nervousness since he wasn’t making any more demands on her.
Then, suddenly, her father had put an end to it. Give up Justin, he’d demanded, or watch him lose everything he had. Justin would end up hating her, her father had said. He’d blame her for making him poor and their marriage wouldn’t stand a chance. His pride alone would kill it.
She’d been very young and unworldly, and her father was an old hand at getting what he wanted. He’d enlisted aid from Tom Wheelor, who was motivated by the thought of a beneficial merger. And she’d done what her father asked and lied to Justin, admitted to having an affair with Tom, to wanting wealth and position, things that Justin couldn’t give her.
So long ago, she thought. So much pain. She’d only been protecting Justin, trying to spare him the agony of losing everything he and his family had worked so long and so hard to achieve. But in the process, she’d sacrificed her own happiness. She had only herself to blame for Justin’s cold attitude. And not only did she blame herself for her betrayal, but she also hadn’t been honest with him about the reasons she’d been afraid to let him touch her.
Now he was going to marry her out of pity, not out of love. And, too, there was always his wish for revenge. She didn’t know how she was going to live with him, but only proximity was going to change his mind about her. And living with him would be so sweet. Even though she couldn’t be the kind of woman he needed, it was all of heaven to be near him. Maybe one day she’d find the courage to tell him the truth about herself, to make him understand.
All her doubts were back. But she’d given her word to go through with the wedding, and she couldn’t back down now. She was going to have to make the best of it, and hope that Justin’s thirst for revenge wasn’t prompting his decision to marry her.
Chapter Three (#ulink_e6c7ac84-9216-5eac-8645-c7f9cb6e1364)
Abby was enlisted to help Shelby with the wedding preparations. Shelby had always liked the Ballenger brothers’ ward. Abby seemed to understand so well what was going on between Justin and his ex-fiancée.
“I don’t imagine Justin is making it easy for you,” Abby said while they addressed envelopes for the invitations that they’d just picked up from the printer.
Shelby brushed back a strand of dark hair, sighing gently. “He feels sorry for me,” she said with a faint smile. “And maybe he’s bent on revenge. But I’m afraid that’s all he’s got to give me.”
“He seemed to be coming around pretty well the night we all went to that square dance and Calhoun spent most of it dancing with you,” Abby recalled, tongue in cheek. It was easy to laugh about the past now, although she and Justin had been devastated at the time.
Shelby cleared her throat. “Justin had enough to say to me when we danced. Afterward, I guess he gave Calhoun the devil, if his expression was anything to go by. He was mad.”
“Mad!” Abby laughed. Her blue-gray eyes searched Shelby’s. “He went home and got drunk. Worse,” she confessed ruefully, “he got me drunk, too. When Calhoun got back from taking you home, we were sprawled on the sofa together trying to figure out a way to get up and lock him out of the house.”
Shelby’s eyes glistened with amused light. “Abby!”
“Oh, it gets even better,” she added. “Justin taught me this horribly obscene Spanish drinking song…”
Shelby blushed, remembering the first time she’d heard that song. “He taught it to me, too, the night we got engaged, and we were just starting to sing it when Maria came in and was furious.”
Abby finished one of the envelopes and put an invitation in it, sealing it absently while she studied Shelby’s reflective expression. “Justin never got over you, you know.”
Shelby’s eyes lifted. “He never got over what I did, you mean. He’s so unbending, Abby. And I can’t blame him for the way he feels. At the time, I lacerated his pride.”
“Why?”
The other woman only smiled. “I thought I was saving him, you see,” she said quietly. “My father didn’t want a cowboy for a son-in-law. He had a rich man all earmarked for me, a financially advantageous marriage. But I wouldn’t play along, and when he found out I’d agreed to marry Justin, he set out to destroy the relationship.” She turned a sealed envelope in her hands. “I never realized how ruthless my father could be until then. He threatened to ruin Justin if I didn’t go along.” She smoothed the envelope as she remembered the bitterness. “I didn’t believe him, so I called his bluff. The bank foreclosed on the feedlot and the Ballenger boys almost lost everything.”
“It was a long time ago,” Abby said, touching her hand gently. “The feedlot is prosperous now. In fact, it was then. Wasn’t it?”
“My father promised that if I went along with his proposition, he’d pull a few strings and talk the bank out of putting the place on public auction. Justin told me about the bankruptcy proceedings,” she added. “He was devastated. He even talked about calling off the engagement, so I figured I was going to lose him anyway and it might as well be to his advantage. At the time,” she added, remembering how distant Justin had been, how standoffish, “I remember thinking that he’d changed his mind about marrying me. I was pretty reserved.” She didn’t enlarge on that, but she remembered clearly the way Justin had reacted when she’d struggled away from him on the sofa. But surely that hadn’t hurt his pride. He must have been pretty experienced.
Abby leaned forward. “What did your father do?”
“He produced Tom Wheelor, my new fiancé, and took him to meet Justin. He told Justin,” she continued dully, “that I’d only been dating him to make Tom propose, because Tom was rich and Justin wasn’t. He made out that it was all my fault, that I was the culprit. Justin believed him. He believed that I’d deliberately led him on, just to get Tom jealous enough to marry me. And then Dad told Justin that Tom and I were lovers, and Tom confirmed it.”
Abby lifted her eyes. “You weren’t,” she said with certainty.
Shelby smiled. “Bless you for seeing the truth. Of course we weren’t. But in order to save Justin’s fledgling business, I had to go along with my father’s lie. So when Justin called me and asked me for the truth, I told him what I’d been coached to say.” She lowered her gaze to the carpet. “I told him that I wanted money, that I’d never wanted him, that it was all a game I’d been playing to amuse myself while I brought Tom in line.” Her eyes closed. “I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forget the silence on the line, or the way he hung up, so quietly. A few weeks later, all the talk of bankruptcy died down, so I guess Dad convinced the bank that the Ballengers were a good risk. Tom Wheelor and I went around together for a while, to convince Justin, and then I went to Europe for six months and did my best to get myself killed on ski jumps all over Switzerland. Eventually I came back, but something in me died because of what my father did. He realized it at last, just before I lost him. He even apologized. But it was much too late.”
“If you could just make Justin listen…” Abby sighed.
“He won’t. He can’t forgive me, Abby. It was like a public execution. Everybody knew that I’d jilted him for a richer man. You know how he hates gossip. That destroyed his pride.”
Abby grimaced. “He must have realized that your father didn’t approve of him.”
“Oh, that was the beauty of it. My father welcomed Justin into the family with open arms and made a production about how proud he was going to be of his new son.” She laughed bitterly. “Even when he went to Justin with Tom, my father played his part to perfection. He was almost in tears at the callous way I’d treated poor Justin.”
“But why? Just for a merger? Didn’t he care about your happiness?”
“My father was an empire builder,” she said simply. “He let nothing get in the way of business, especially not the children. Ty never knew,” she added. “He’d have been furious if he’d had any inkling, but it was part of the bargain that I couldn’t tell Ty, either.”
“Haven’t you ever told Ty the truth?”
“It didn’t seem necessary,” Shelby replied. “Ty is a loner. It’s hard even for me to talk to him, to get close to him. I think that may be why he’s never married. He can’t open up to people. Dad was hard on him. Even harder than he was on me. He ridiculed Ty and browbeat him most of our childhood. He grew up tough because he had to be, to survive his home life.”
“I never knew. I like Ty,” Abby said with a smile. “He’s a very special man.”
Shelby smiled back. She didn’t tell Abby that Ty had been infatuated with her. And on top of losing his entire heritage and having to go to work for someone else, losing his chance with Abby was just the last straw. Ty had left for Arizona and his new job without a voiced regret. Perhaps the change would do him good.
Mrs. Simpson brought in a tray of cake and coffee and the three women sat and talked about the wedding until Abby had to leave. Shelby hadn’t told anyone what Justin had said about her dress. But the next day she went into Jacobsville to the small boutique that one of her childhood playmates now owned, and the smart linen suit she bought to be married in was white.
That didn’t worry her, because she knew she could prove to Justin that she was more than entitled to the symbolic white dress. Then she went for her premarital examination.
Dr. Sims had been her family doctor for half her life, and the tall, graying man was like family to all his patients. His quiet explanation after the examination, after the blood test was done by his lab, made her feel sick all over. And even though she protested, he was quietly firm about the necessity.
“It’s only a very minor bit of surgery,” he said. “You’ll hardly feel it. And frankly, Shelby, if it isn’t done, your wedding night is going to be a nightmare.” He explained it in detail, and when he finished, she realized that she didn’t have a choice. Justin might swear that he was never going to touch her in bed, but she knew it was unrealistic to assume that they could live together without going too far. And with the minor surgery, some pain could be avoided.
She finally agreed, but she insisted that he do only a partial job, so that there was no doubt she was a virgin. Doctor Sims muttered something about old-fashioned idiocy, but he did as she asked. He murmured something about the difficulty she might still encounter because of her stubbornness and that she might need to come back and see him. She hadn’t wanted to argue about it, but it was important for Justin to believe her. This was the only proof she had left. The thing was, she hadn’t counted on the prospect of such discomfort, and it began to wear on her mind. Had she done the right thing? She wanted Justin to know, without having to be told, that she was innocent. But that prospect of being hurt was just as frightening as it had been in the past—more so.
The wedding was the social event of the season. Shelby hadn’t expected so many people to congregate in the Jacobsville Methodist church to see her get married. Certainly there were more spectators than she’d included on her list.
Abby and Calhoun were sitting in the family pew, holding hands, the tall blond man and the dark-haired woman so much in love that they radiated it all around. Beside them was Shelby’s green-eyed, black-haired brother, Tyler, towering above everyone except Calhoun. There were neighbors and friends, and Misty Davies, Abby’s friend, on the other side of the church. Justin was nowhere in sight, and Shelby almost panicked as she remembered his threat to leave if she wore a white dress.
But when the wedding march struck up, the minister and Justin were waiting for her at the altar. She had to bite her lower lip hard and grip her bouquet of daisies to keep from shaking as she walked down the aisle.
She and Justin had decided not to have a best man or a matron of honor, or much ceremony except for the actual service. There were plenty of flowers around the altar, and a candelabra with three unlit white candles. The minister was in his robes, and Justin was in a formal black suit, very elegant as he waited for his bride to join him.
When she reached him, and took her place at his side, she looked up. Her green eyes caught his black ones and her expression invited him to do what he’d threatened, to walk out of the church.
It was a tense moment and for one horrible second, he looked as if he were thinking about it. But the moment passed. He lifted his cold eyes to the minister and he repeated what he was told to say without a trace of expression in his deep voice.
He placed a thin gold band on her hand. There had been no engagement ring, and he hadn’t mentioned buying one. He’d bought her ring himself, on a trip to town, and he hadn’t asked if she wanted him to wear one. Probably he didn’t want to.
They replied to the final questions and lit two candles, each holding a flame to the third candle, signifying the unity of two people into one. The minister pronounced them man and wife. He invited Justin to kiss his bride.
Justin turned to Shelby with an expression she couldn’t read. He looked down at her for a long moment before he bent his head and brushed a light, cool kiss across her lips. Then he took her arm and propelled her down the aisle and outside into the hall, where they were surrounded seconds later by well-wishers.
There was no time to talk. The reception was held in the fellowship hall of the church, and punch, cake and canapés were consumed while Shelby and Justin were each occupied with guests.
Someone had a camera and asked them to pose for a photograph. They hadn’t hired anyone to take pictures of the wedding, an oversight that Shelby was secretly disappointed at. She’d hoped for at least a photograph of them together, but perhaps this one would do.
She stood beside Justin and smiled, feeling his arm draw her to his side. Her eyes lifted to his, but it was hard to hold the smile as those black eyes cut into hers.
The instant the camera was gone, he glared at her. “I said any color except white.”
“Yes, Justin, I know you did,” she said calmly. “And think how you’d have felt if I’d insisted that you wear a blue dress instead of a black suit to be married in.”
He blinked, as if he wasn’t quite sure he’d heard right. “A white dress means—” he began indignantly.
“—a first wedding,” she finished for him. “This is mine.”
His eyes kindled. “You and I both know there’s an implied second reason for wearing white, and you aren’t entitled to it.” He noticed something darken her eyes and his own narrowed. “You told me you could prove it, though, didn’t you, Shelby?” He smiled coldly. “I just might let you do that before we’re through.”
She blushed and averted her eyes. For an instant, she felt cowardly, thinking about how difficult it was going to be if he wasn’t gentle, if he treated her like the scarlet woman he thought she was. It didn’t bear consideration, and she shivered. “I don’t have to prove anything to you.”
He laughed, the sound of it like ice shattering. “You can’t, can you? It was all bravado, to keep me guessing until we were married.”
Her eyes lifted to his. “Justin…”
“Never mind.” He pulled out a cigarette and lit it. “I told you, we won’t be sharing a bed. I don’t care about your chastity.”
She felt an aching sadness for what might have been between them and she looked at him, her eyes soft and quietly adoring on his craggy features. He was so beautiful. Not handsome, but beautifully made, for a man, from his lithe, powerful build to his black eyes and thick black hair and olive complexion. He looked exactly the way a man should, she decided.
He glanced down at her, caught in that warm appraisal. His cigarette hovered in midair while he searched her eyes, holding them for so long that her heart went wild in her chest. She let her eyes fall to his chiseled mouth, and she wanted it suddenly with barely contained passion. If only she could be the uninhibited woman she wanted to be, and not such a frightened innocent. Justin intimidated her. He had to be at least as worldly as Calhoun. She’d disappoint him, anyway, but if only she could tell him the truth and ask him to be gentle. She shivered at the thought of telling him something so intimate.
It was a blessing that Ty chose that moment to say his goodbyes, sparing Shelby the embarrassment of having Justin mock her for her weakness.
“I’ve got to catch a plane back to Arizona,” he told his sister as he bent his head to brush her cheek with his lips. “My temporary lady boss is scared stiff of men.”
Shelby’s eyes brightened. “She’s what?”
Ty looked frankly uncomfortable. “She’s nervous around men,” he said reluctantly. “Damn it, she hides behind me at dances, at meetings…it’s embarrassing.”
Shelby had to fight down laughter. Her very independent brother didn’t like clinging women, but this one seemed to be affecting him very strangely. His temporary boss was the niece of his permanent boss. She lived in Arizona, where she was trying to cope with an indebted dude ranch. Ty’s boss in Jacobsville had sent him out to help. He’d hated it at the beginning, and he still seemed to, but maybe the mysterious Arizona lady was getting to him.
“Maybe she feels safe with you?” Shelby asked.
He glowered at her. “Well, it’s got to stop. It’s like having poison ivy wrap itself around you.”
“Is she ugly?” Shelby persisted.
“Kind of plain and unsophisticated,” he murmured. “Not too bad, I guess, if you like tomboys. I don’t,” he added doggedly.
“Why don’t you quit?” Justin asked. “You can work for Calhoun and me, we’ve already offered you a job.”
“Yes, I know. I appreciated it, too, considering how strained things were between our families,” Ty said honestly. “But this job is kind of a challenge and that part I like.”
Justin smiled. “Come and stay when you get homesick.”
Ty shook his outstretched hand. “I might, one day. I like kids,” he added. “A few nieces and nephews wouldn’t bother me.”
Justin looked murderous and Shelby went scarlet. Ty frowned, and Justin thanked God that Calhoun and Abby joined them in time to ward off trouble. He didn’t want to think about kids. Shelby sure wouldn’t want his, not if the way she’d reacted to him the one time he’d been ardent with her was any indication. She was repulsed by him.
“Isn’t this a nice wedding?” Calhoun asked Ty, joining the small group with his arm around a laughing Abby. “Doesn’t it give you any ideas?”
Ty smiled at Abby. “It does that, all right. It makes me want to get an inoculation, quick,” he murmured drily.
“You’ll outgrow that attitude one day,” Calhoun assured him. “We all get chopped down at the ankles eventually,” he added, and ducked when Abby hit his chest. “Sorry, honey.” He chuckled, brushing a lazy kiss against her forehead. “You know I didn’t mean it.”
“Can we give you a lift to the airport, or did you rent a car?” Abby asked Ty.
“I rented a car, but thanks all the same. Why don’t you two walk me out to it?” He kissed Shelby again. “Be happy,” he said gently.
“I expect to,” she said, and smiled in Justin’s direction.
Ty nodded, but he didn’t look convinced. When he followed Abby and Calhoun out of the fellowship hall, he was preoccupied and frowning thoughtfully.
The reception seemed to go on forever, and Shelby was grateful when it was finally time to go home. Justin had sent Lopez to fetch Shelby’s things from Mrs. Simpson’s house early that morning. The guest room had been prepared for Shelby. Maria had questioned that, but only once, because Justin’s cold eyes had silenced her. Maria understood more than he realized, anyway. She, like everyone else on the property, knew that despite his bitterness, Justin still had a soft spot for Shelby. She was alone and impoverished, and it didn’t surprise anybody that Justin had married her. If he felt the need for a little vengeance in the process, that wasn’t unexpected, either.
“Thank God that’s over,” Justin said wearily when they were alone in the house. He’d tugged off his tie and jacket and unbuttoned the neck of his shirt and rolled up the sleeves. He looked ten years older than he was.
Shelby put her purse on the hall table and took off her high heels, smoothing her stockinged feet on the soft pile of the carpet. It felt good not to be two inches taller.
Justin glanced at her and smiled to himself, but he turned away before she could see it. “Do you want to go out for supper or have it here?”
“I don’t care.”
“I suppose it would look odd if we went to a restaurant on our wedding night, wouldn’t it?” he added, turning to give her a mocking smile.
She glared at him. “Go ahead,” she invited. “Spoil the rest of it, too. God forbid that I should enjoy my own wedding day.”
He frowned as she turned and started up the staircase. “What the hell are you talking about?”
She didn’t look at him. She held onto the railing and stared up at the landing. “You couldn’t have made your feelings plainer if you’d worn a sign with all your grievances painted on it in blood. I know you hate me, Justin. You married me out of pity, but part of you still wants to make me pay for what I did to you.”
He’d lit a cigarette and he was smoking it, propped against the doorjamb, his face quiet, his black eyes curious. “Dreams die hard, honey, didn’t you know?” he asked coldly.
She turned around, her green eyes steady on his. “You weren’t the only one who dreamed, Justin,” she said. “I cared about you!”
His jaw tautened. “Sure you did. That’s why you sold me out for that boy millionaire.”
She stroked the banister absently. “Odd that I didn’t marry him, isn’t it?” she asked casually. “Very odd, wouldn’t you say, when I wanted his money badly enough to jilt you.”
He lifted the cigarette to his mouth. “He threw you over, I guess, when he found out you wanted the money more than you wanted him.”
“I never wanted him, or his money,” she said honestly. “I had enough of my own.”
He smiled at her. “Did you?” Surely she didn’t expect him to believe she was unaware of how much financial trouble her father had been in.
“You won’t listen,” she muttered. “You never would. I tried to tell you why I broke off the engagement—”
“You told me, all right! You couldn’t stand for me to touch you, but I knew that already.” His eyes glittered dangerously. “You pushed me away the night we got engaged,” he added huskily. “You were shaking like a leaf and your eyes were as big as saucers. You couldn’t get away from me quick enough.”
Her lips parted on a slow breath. “And you thought it was revulsion, of course?” she asked miserably.
“What else could it have been?” he shot back, his eyes glaring. “I didn’t come down in the last rain shower.” He turned. “Change your clothes and we’ll have supper. I don’t know about you, but I’m hungry.”
She wished she could tell him the truth. She wanted to, but he was so remote and his detached attitude intimidated her. With a sigh, she turned and went up the staircase numbly, wondering how she was going to live with a man she couldn’t even talk to about intimacy.
They had a quiet wedding supper. Maria put everything on the table and she and Lopez went out for the evening, offering quiet congratulations before they left.
Justin leaned back in his chair when he’d finished his steak and salad, watching Shelby pick at hers.
He felt vaguely guilty about their wedding day. But in a way, he was hiding from her. Hiding his real feelings, hiding his apprehension about losing her a second time. It had wrung him out emotionally six years before. He didn’t think he could bear it a second time, so he was trying to protect himself from becoming too vulnerable. But her sad little face was getting to him.
“Damn it, Shelby,” he ground out, “don’t look like that.”
She lifted her eyes. There was no life in them anymore. “I’m tired,” she said softly. “Do you mind if I go to bed after we eat?”
“Yes, I mind.” He threw down his napkin and lit a cigarette. “It’s our wedding night.”
She laughed bitterly. “So it is. What did you have in mind, some more comments on my scarlet past?”
He frowned slightly. She didn’t sound like Shelby. That edge to her voice was disturbing. His eyes narrowed. She’d lost her father, her home, her entire way of life, even her brother. She’d lost everything in recent weeks, and married him because she needed a little security. He’d given her hell, and now she looked as if today was the last straw on the camel’s back. He hadn’t meant for it to be that way. He didn’t want to hurt her. But he couldn’t seem to keep quiet; there were so many wounds.
He sighed heavily. His black eyes searched her wan face, remembering better times, happier times, when he could look at her and get drunk on just the sight of her smile.
“Are you sure you want to keep on working?” he asked quietly, just to change the subject, to get the conversation on an easier level.
She stared down at her plate. “Yes, I’d like to,” she said. “I’ve never really done any work before, except society functions and volunteer work. I like my job.”
“And Barry Holman?” he asked, his smile a challenge.
She got up. She was still wearing her white skirt with a pale pink blouse, and she looked feminine and elegant and very desirable. Her long hair waved down to her shoulders, and Justin wanted to get up and catch two handfuls of it and kiss her until she couldn’t stand up.
“Mr. Holman is my boss,” she said. “Not my lover. I don’t have a lover.”
He got up, too, moving closer, his eyes narrow and calculating, his body tense with years of frustrated desire. “You’re going to have one,” he said curtly.
She wouldn’t back away. She wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of watching her run. She lifted her face proudly, even though her knees felt weak and her heart was racing madly. She was afraid of him because of their past, because he wanted revenge. She was afraid because he thought she was experienced, and even with that minor surgery, she knew that it wasn’t going to be the easiest time of her life. Justin was deceptively strong. She knew the power in that lean, hard body, and to be overwhelmed by it in passion was a little scary.
He watched the fear flicker in her eyes, and understood it instantly. “You’re off base, honey,” he said quietly. “Way off base. I’d never hurt you in bed, not for revenge or any other reason.”
Her lower lip trembled on a stifled sob and tears welled in her eyes. She lowered her gaze to his broad chest, missing the faint shock in his face at her reaction. “Maybe you wouldn’t be able to help it,” she whispered.
“Shelby, are you really afraid of me?” he asked
huskily.
Her thin shoulders shifted. “Yes. I’m sorry.”
“Were you afraid with him?” he asked. “With Wheelor?”
She opened her mouth to speak and just gave up. What was the use? He wasn’t going to listen. She turned away and went toward the staircase.
“Running won’t solve anything,” he said shortly, watching her go with mingled feelings, the foremost of which was anger.
“Neither will trying to talk to you,” she replied. She turned at the bottom of the staircase, her green eyes bright with unshed tears and returning spirit. “Do your worst. Make me pay. I’m fresh out of things I care about. I’ve got absolutely nothing left to lose, so look out, Justin. I’m not going to live up to your idea of a society wife. I’m going to be myself, and I’m sorry if it destroys any of your old illusions.”
He eyed her quietly. “Meaning what?”
“No affairs,” she replied, picking the thought out of his mind. “Despite what you think of me, I’m not starved for a man.”
“That much I’d believe,” he said shortly. “My God, I get more warmth out of an ice cube than I ever got from you!”
She felt the impact of those words like daggers against her bare skin. She should have realized that he thought her frigid, but it had never really registered before.
“Maybe Tom Wheelor got more!” she threw at him.
His black eyes splintered with rage. He actually started toward her before he checked himself with the iron control that he kept on his temper.
Shelby saw that movement, and thanked God that he stopped when he did. She lifted her chin. “Good night, Justin. Thank you for a roof over my head and a place to live.”
His eyelids flickered as she started up the staircase. Looking at her he recalled years of dreams, of remembered delight in just being with her, frustration at having to hold back only to lose her anyway. He still cared. He’d lied to protect his pride, but he cared so much. And he was losing her, all over again.
He wanted to tell her that he hadn’t meant to accuse her of being frigid. He’d wanted her to distraction, and she hadn’t wanted him. That had hurt far more than having her break their engagement, especially when he’d found out that Tom Wheelor was her lover. It had damned near killed him. And here she was throwing it in his teeth, hitting him in his most vulnerable spot. He’d always wondered if she found him revolting physically. That was what made him believe that she’d meant what she told him about not wanting him, about wanting Tom Wheelor instead—that reluctance in her to let him get close to her.
And she was different now. She wasn’t the shy, introverted young woman he’d known six years ago. She was oddly reckless; high-spirited and uninhibited when she forgot herself. But he couldn’t bend. He couldn’t make himself bend enough to tell her what was in his heart, how much he still wanted her, because he didn’t dare trust her again. She’d hurt him too badly. He watched her go up the staircase, his eyes black and soft and full of hunger. He didn’t move until she was out of sight.
Chapter Four (#ulink_14209dec-5495-5d38-a64b-80d9dcb98c74)
Shelby had hoped beyond hope that Justin might still love her. That he might have married her not so much out of pity as out of love. But her wedding day had convinced her that what little emotion had been left in him after years of bitterness was all gone. He still blamed her for what he thought she’d done with Tom Wheelor, and he thought she was frigid.
She didn’t know how to deal with her own fears and his anger. Her marriage was going to be as empty as her life had been. There would be no black-headed little babies to nurse, no soft, sweet loving in the darkness, no shared delight in making a life together. There would be only separate bedrooms and separate lives and Justin’s hunger for vengeance.
The black depression that she’d taken to bed on her wedding night got worse. Justin tolerated her presence, but he was away more often than not. At meals, he spoke to her only when it was necessary, and he never touched her. He was like a polite host instead of a husband. And day by miserable day, Shelby began to feel a new recklessness. While Justin was away one weekend, she went on a white-water rafting race with Abby’s friend Misty Davies. She tried her hand at skydiving. She joined a fencing class. She went back to the old, more reckless days of her adolescence. Justin had never really known her, she thought sometimes. He seemed surprised by the things she enjoyed and a time or two he acted as if her lifestyle bothered him. Well, what had he expected her to do, she fumed, stay at home and arrange flowers? Perhaps that was the image he had of her, that she was a pretty socialite with beauty and no brains.
She’d kept working after the wedding, but Barry Holman insisted that she take a few days off. It wasn’t right, he said, for her to work through her honeymoon. She wanted to laugh at that, and tell him that her husband didn’t want a honeymoon. Justin had come home from his latest trip and had gone straight to the feedlot office with an abrupt and coolly polite greeting. After a few bored hours, Shelby phoned the office, just to see how things were going. She liked her job. She missed working terribly. It was something to do; it helped keep her mind off her marriage and her own inadequacies.
When she called, the poor temporary secretary, Tammy Lester, answered the phone, obviously half out of her mind trying to cope with an impatient, frustrated Barry Holman. So Shelby dressed in a cool white and red summery dress and white high heels and went to work.
The old sedan she drove broke down halfway there and she had to have it towed in to the dealer car lot where she had her mechanical work done.
Once Shelby was at the dealership, as fate would have it, she noticed Abby’s little sports car was there and up for sale. The sight of the car brought back memories. Shelby had driven one like it during six of the blackest months in her life, the time she’d spent in Switzerland after she’d given back Justin’s ring. She’d loved that car, but she’d wrecked it accidentally. The wreck hadn’t dampened her enthusiasm for fast cars, though. Now she wanted one—it appealed to the wild streak in her that had never totally disappeared. It wasn’t a suicidal streak; she just loved a challenge. She liked sports cars and the exhilaration of driving in the fast lane.
Justin didn’t know that Shelby had a wild streak, because he’d accepted the illusion of what she appeared to be rather than wondering what was beneath the surface. Well, he was in for a few shocks, she decided, starting now.
Because the dealer knew that Shelby had just married Justin, he didn’t even ask for a cosigner on the note. He sold her the car outright, with payments she could afford on her own salary.
She parked the vehicle right outside the office, delighting in its new paint job. Abby had had it painted red with white racing stripes just before she traded it for something more sedate. The new colors suited Shelby very well. She sighed over it, delighted that she could afford it and even manage the payments by herself. All her life she’d depended on her father’s money. There was something challenging and very satisfying about taking care of herself financially. She was sorry now that she’d panicked at being on her own and rushed into marrying Justin. She’d hoped for something more than a roof over her head, but that wasn’t going to happen. Justin was taking care of her, just as he’d taken care of Abby, and if he had any lingering desire for her, it didn’t show. After he’d accused her of being frigid, she’d kept out of his way altogether. If only she wasn’t so repressed, she could have told him what the problem was and how frightened she was of intimacy. But it was hopeless. Justin would probably be as embarrassed as she was to talk about it, anyway. So things would just have to rock along as they had been, until one of them broke the silence.
When she got to the office, Barry Holman was pacing the floor while the temporary secretary cried. They both turned as Shelby put her purse in the top drawer of the desk and smiled.
“Can I help?” she asked.
The woman at her desk cried even harder. “He yells,” she wailed, pointing at Barry Holman, who looked furiously angry from his blond head to his big feet.
“Only at incompetents!” he flashed back.
“Now, now,” Shelby soothed. “I’m here. I’ll take care of everything. Tammy, why don’t you make Mr. Holman a cup of coffee while I straighten out whatever’s fouled up, then I’ll show you how to update the files and you can keep busy with that. Okay?”
Tammy smiled, her soft brown eyes quiet. “Okay.”
She got up and Shelby sat down. Her dark brows lifted as Barry Holman glanced at her uncomfortably.
“It’s your vacation,” he said. “You shouldn’t be here.”
“Why not? Justin is working, why shouldn’t I?”
He frowned. “Well…”
“Tell me what needs to be done, and then I’ll show you my new car.” She grinned. “It was Abby’s, and they let me buy it without even a cosigner.”
“Naturally, considering your husband’s credit line,” he mused. She gave him a strange look, but he ignored it, delighting in his good fortune. “Here, this is what’s giving Tammy fits.”
He produced two scribbled pages of notes on a legal pad that he wanted transcribed and put into English instead of abbreviations and scrawls, and fifty copies run off with different salutations on each.
“Simple, isn’t it?” he said. He glared toward the back of the office. “She cried.”
Shelby wanted to. It was an hour’s work just to translate his handwriting. But she knew how to use the computer’s word-processing program, and Tammy had three simplified tutorials spread out on the desk, none of which would explain the program to a person who’d never used a computer.
“She asked me what these were for.” Barry Holman sighed, picking up one of the diskettes in its jacket. He looked up. “She thought they were negatives.”
Shelby had to bite her lower lip. “She’s never had any computer training,” she reminded him.
“That’s no excuse for not having a brain,” he returned hotly.
“Mr. Holman!” Tammy exclaimed, glaring at him as she came back with three cups of black coffee on a tray. “That was unkind and unfair.”
“Didn’t they tell you at the temporary-services agency that computer experience was necessary to do this job?” he grumbled.
“I have computer experience,” Tammy replied with hauteur. “I play games on my brother’s Atari all the time.”
Mr. Holman looked as if he wanted to cry. He ground his teeth together, went back into his office and closed the door.
“I guess I told him.” Tammy grinned wickedly.
There was a loud, feverish, furious, “Damn!” from the vicinity of Mr. Holman’s office. Shelby and Tammy exchanged amused glances.
“They didn’t tell me about the computer,” Tammy confided. “They asked if I had office skills, and I do. I type over a hundred words a minute and take dictation at ninety. But I don’t read Sanskrit,” she whispered, pointing at the scribbling on the legal sheets.
Shelby burst out laughing. It felt so good to laugh, and she thanked God for this job, which was going to save her sanity. She shook her head and, putting the books aside, she began to explain the computer’s operation to Tammy.
After work, she took the long route home. Mr. Holman had relaxed after lunch, and he was tolerating Tammy much better now. In fact, he hadn’t even growled when Shelby had mentioned that it might be economical to have two secretaries in the office because of the backlog of filing and updating the computer’s entries. He’d talked about taking on an associate, and if he hired Tammy full time, he could do it.
Shelby turned the small sports car onto the highway sharply, delighting in its rack-and-pinion steering and easy handling. She gunned it up and up and up, loving the speed, loving the freedom and the wind tearing through her long hair. She felt reckless. As she’d told Justin, she had nothing left to lose. She was going to enjoy her life from now on. Justin could just do his worst.
There was a slow car in front, and she didn’t even brake. She surged around it and barely got back into her lane as a white car sped in the opposite direction. She thought it looked familiar, but she didn’t look in the rearview mirror. It was going toward the feedlot. She passed the turnoff, increasing her speed. She wasn’t ready to go home to her cell just yet.
Calhoun was muttering a prayer as he pulled up in front of the feedlot. That was Abby’s old car, and it had been Shelby at the wheel. He’d barely recognized her in that split second, her face laughing with pleasure at the speed, her hair flying in the wind. She made Abby’s friend Misty Davies look like a safe driver by comparison.
Justin looked up from his desk as Calhoun came in and closed the door behind him. “It’s almost time to go home,” he remarked, glancing at his Rolex. “I didn’t think you were coming back today from Montana.”
Calhoun grinned. “I missed Abby. Speaking of Abby,” he added, perching himself lazily on the edge of his brother’s desk, “a wild woman driving her sports car just came within an inch of running me down.”
“Didn’t Abby sell it?” Justin remarked.
“She certainly did. I insisted.”
“I see.” Justin smiled faintly. He leaned back with his cigarette smoking in his lean fingers. “I gather that some other fool’s wife is driving it?”
“You could put it that way. She was doing eighty if she was doing a mile.” His dark eyes narrowed. “Are you sure you want Shelby to have it?”
There was a shocked silence. “What do you mean, do I want Shelby to have it?” Justin sat up abruptly. “Are you telling me Shelby was driving that sports car?”
“I’m afraid so,” Calhoun said quietly. “You didn’t know?”
Justin’s expression became grim. Shelby wasn’t happy and he knew it. Her most recent behavior was already worrying him, although he was careful to keep his misgivings from Shelby. But purchasing a sports car was going too far. He was going to have to talk to her. He’d avoided confrontations, letting her settle in, keeping his distance while he tried to cope with the anguish of having Shelby in his house when she backed away the minute he came into the room. But this was too much.
He couldn’t let her kill herself. He got up from the desk without even looking at Calhoun, plucked his hat off the hat rack and started for the door. “Was she going toward the house?” he asked curtly.
“The opposite direction,” Calhoun told him. His eyes narrowed. “Justin, what’s going on between the two of you?”
The older man looked at him, black eyes glittering. “My private life is none of your business.”
Calhoun folded his arms. “Abby says Shelby is running wild, and that you’re apparently doing nothing to stop her. Are you that hell-bent on revenge?”
“You make it sound as if she’s suicidal,” Justin said coldly. “She’s not.”
“If she was happy, she wouldn’t be like this,” the younger man persisted. “You’ve got to stop trying to live in the past. It’s time to forget what happened.”
“That’s damned easy for you to say.” Justin’s black eyes flashed. “She threw me over and slept with another man!”
Calhoun stared at him. “You don’t have my track record, but you’re no more a saint than I am, big brother. Suppose Shelby couldn’t accept the women in your past?”
“It’s different with men,” the older man said irritably.
“Is it?”
“She was mine. I was so damned careful never to put a foot wrong with her. I held back and gritted my teeth to keep from scaring her, and she flinched away from me every time I touched her. And all the while she was sleeping with that pasty-faced boy millionaire. How do you think I felt?” he blazed. “And then she told me that I was too poor to suit her expensive tastes, she wanted somebody rich.”
“She didn’t marry him, did she?” Calhoun returned. “She left for Europe and went wild, just as she’s going wild now. She was in a wreck in Switzerland, Justin. In a sports car,” he added, watching the horror grow in his brother’s eyes, “just like the one she’s driving now. She was grieving for you. Even her father realized that, at last.”
Justin fumbled a cigarette into his mouth and lit it. “Nobody ever told me that.”
“When would you ever listen to anything about her?” Calhoun replied. “It’s only in the past few months that you’ve calmed down enough to talk about anything connected with the Jacobses.”
“I wanted her,” Justin ground out. “You can’t imagine how I felt when she broke it off.”
“Yes, I can,” Calhoun replied. “I was there. I know what it was like for you. But you never even considered that Shelby might have had a reason. She tried to explain it once, to tell you why she broke off the engagement. You wouldn’t even listen.”
“What was there to listen to?” Justin asked impatiently. “She’d already told me the truth, in the beginning.”
“I never believed it,” Calhoun replied. “And neither would you have, if you hadn’t been in love for the first time in your life and so damned uncertain about your own ability to keep Shelby. You were always worried about losing her to another man. Even to me. Remember?”
It was hard to argue with the truth. Justin knew he’d been possessive about Shelby. Hell, he still was. But how could he help it? She was a beautiful woman, and he was a plain, unworldly man. He’d never been able to understand why Shelby had stayed with him as long as she had.
“Even now,” Calhoun continued quietly, “it seems to me that you’re trying your best to make her leave you.”
Justin smiled mockingly. “What do you expect me to do, tie her in the cellar?” he asked reasonably. “I can’t make her stay if she doesn’t want to. Hell—” he laughed coldly “—I can’t even touch her. She flinched away from me the one time I tried to make love to her,” he said bluntly, remembering. His eyes went blacker and he looked away. “I can’t get near her. She’s afraid of me that way.”
“How interesting,” Calhoun said, choosing his words, “that such an experienced woman of the world could be afraid of sex. Isn’t it?”
Justin frowned. “What do you mean?”
Calhoun didn’t answer him. He was smiling a little when he started out the door, but Justin couldn’t see the smile. “I’ve got to get home. See you, big brother.” And before Justin could reply, he was gone.
Justin took a minute to get his temper under control. He went out the door behind Calhoun without a word to his secretary, his eyes narrow with concern. Calhoun had delayed him too long. Suppose Shelby wrecked that little car?
He went up and down the road, but he didn’t see any sign of the sports car. Later, he went to the house, and almost went down on his knees with relief when he found it parked at the steps.
He had to force himself to behave normally when his hands were almost shaking from fear that he might find her in a ditch somewhere. He walked into the house, tossing his hat onto the hat rack, and went into the dining room, where Shelby was sitting in a chair halfway down the long cherry-wood table, talking to Maria about some new recipe.
She looked toward the doorway, but when she saw him, all the laughter and animation went out of her like a light that was suddenly turned off. She was wearing a red and white dress and her hair was down around her shoulders in a pretty, dark, waving tangle. The wind, he thought absently, tearing through her hair in the convertible.
“I’ve traded cars,” she said defiantly. “How do you like it? It was Abby’s. You don’t even have to cosign with me, I can make the payments from my salary.”
Justin glanced at Maria, who knew the look and made herself scarce. He sat down at the head of the table, lit a cigarette and leaned back in the chair to stare intently at Shelby. “The last thing in the world you need is a sports car. You already drive too damned fast.”
She searched his dark eyes, reading the thinly veiled concern. “Somebody saw me in the car this afternoon,” she guessed.
He nodded. “Calhoun.”
“I thought it was him.” She studied her hands in her lap, turning the thin gold band on her wedding finger. “I like speed,” she said hotly.
“I don’t like funerals,” he shot back. “I don’t intend having to go to yours. You’ll take that sports car back tomorrow or I’ll take it back for you.”
“It’s mine!” she cried. Her green eyes flashed angrily. “And I won’t take it back!”
He took a long draw from his cigarette. In his reclining position, his white silk shirt was drawn taut over tanned muscles. His chest was thick with hair that peeked out through the unfastened top buttons of his shirt. His jacket was off, his sleeves rolled up. He looked devastatingly masculine, from his disheveled black hair to his sensuous mouth.
“I’m not going to argue about it, honey,” he replied. Through a veil of smoke, his black eyes searched hers. “Calhoun told me you wrecked a car overseas.”
She flushed. “That was an accident.”
“You aren’t going to have any accidents here,” he said. “I won’t let you kill yourself.”
“For heaven’s sake, Justin, I’m not suicidal!” she protested. She lifted her coffee cup to her lips and took a fortifying sip of the black liquid.
“I didn’t say you were,” he agreed. He moved his ashtray on the tablecloth, watching it spin around. “But you need a firmer hand than you’ve been getting.”
“I’m not Abby,” she said. Her finely etched features grew hard as she looked at him. “I don’t need a guardian.”
He looked back, black eyes searching, quiet. “And while we’re on the subject, I don’t like you working for Barry Holman.”
She blinked. She felt suddenly as if control of her own life was being taken away from her. “Justin, I didn’t ask how you liked it,” she reminded him. “I told you before we married that I wanted to keep on working.”
“There’s more than enough to do around here,” he said. He tapped an ash into the ashtray. “You can manage the house.”
“Maria and Lopez do that very nicely, thank you,” she replied. She stiffened. “I don’t want to stay home and swirl around the house in silk lounge pajamas and throw parties, Justin, in case you wondered. I’ve had my fill of charity work and flower arranging and social warfare.”
He was looking at the cigarette, not at her. “I thought you might miss those things. In the old days, you never had to lift a finger.”
She studied her neat hands in her lap, pleating the thin silky fabric of the red and white dress. “My father saw me as a parlor decoration,” she said tautly. “He would have been outraged if I’d tried to change my image.”
He frowned slightly. “Were you afraid of him?”
“I was owned by him,” she replied. She sighed, raising her eyes to Justin’s. The curiosity there puzzled her, but at least they were talking for a change instead of arguing. “He wasn’t the easiest man to live with, and he had terrible ways of getting even when Ty and I disobeyed.”
“He kept you pretty close to home,” he recalled. “Although he trusted you with me.”
“Did he really?” she laughed hollowly. “Justin, you were the second man I ever dated and the first I ever went out with alone. You look shocked. Did you think my father let me live the life of a playgirl? He was terrified that some fortune hunter might seduce me. I lived like a recluse while he was alive.”
Justin wasn’t sure he understood what he was hearing. His head tilted a little and his eyes narrowed. “Would you like to run that by me again?” he asked. “You hadn’t been out with a man alone until you went with me?”
“That’s it,” she agreed. “I didn’t get out of my father’s sight until after I broke the engagement and went to Switzerland.” She smiled sadly. “I guess the freedom was too much, because I ran wild. The sports car was just an outlet, a way of celebrating. I never meant to wreck it.”
“How badly were you hurt?” he asked.
“I broke my leg and cracked two ribs,” she said. “They said I was lucky.”
He finished his cigarette and crushed it out. “I didn’t realize you were that sheltered,” he said quietly. He was only beginning to understand how innocent she’d been in those days. If she’d only dated one other man, then very likely her first taste of intimacy had been with him. He thought about that, and felt himself go taut. He’d expected her to have a little experience, even though he’d known she was virginal. But if she’d had none, it was easy to understand why his ardor would have frightened her so.
“I couldn’t talk about things like that with you,” she confessed. “I was young and hopelessly naive.”
He stared at her narrowly, his black eyes glittering. “I frightened you the night we got engaged, didn’t I?” he asked suddenly. “That was why you pulled back—not because I disgusted you.”
She caught her breath audibly. “You never disgusted me!” she burst out, hurting for him. “Oh, Justin, no! You didn’t think that?”
“We didn’t know very much about each other, Shelby,” he said, his voice deep and measured. “I suppose we both had false ideas. I saw you as a sophisticated, elegant society woman. And while I knew you were innocent, I thought you’d had some experience with men. If I’d had any idea of what you’ve just told me, I damned sure wouldn’t have been that demanding with you.”
She went red and averted her eyes. She couldn’t find the right words. Amazing, that they were married and she was twenty-seven years old, and this kind of talk could still embarrass her.
“I was afraid you couldn’t stop,” she murmured evasively.
He sighed heavily and lifted his coffee cup to his lips, draining it. “So was I,” he said unexpectedly. “It was touch and go for a few seconds, at that. I’d gone hungry for a long time.”
“I didn’t think men had to, these days,” she said softly. “I mean, society is so permissive and all.”
“Society may be permissive. I’m not,” he said flatly. His black eyes flashed at her. “I never was, in the way you mean. A gentleman doesn’t seduce virgins—or take advantage of women who don’t know the score. That leaves party girls.” He held the cup in his big, lean hands, smoothing over it with his thumb. “And just to be frank, honey, the type never appealed very much to me.”
Her soft eyes searched over his hard features, lingering on his chiseled mouth.
“I guess you never lacked offers, all the same,” she said, letting her gaze fall to her lap again.
“I’m rich.” There was cool cynicism in the words. “Sure, I get offers.” He studied her face calculatingly. “In fact, Shelby, I had one while I was in New Mexico last week, wedding ring and all.”
Her teeth clenched. She didn’t want him to see that it bothered her, but it was hard to hide. “Did you?”
He put the cup down. “You’re as possessive about me as I am about you,” he said then, surprising her gaze up to lock with his in a slow, electric exchange. “You don’t like the thought of other women making eyes at me, do you, Shelby?”
She crossed her legs. “No,” she said honestly.
He smiled mockingly as he lit another cigarette. “Well, if it’s any comfort, I froze her out. I won’t cheat on you, honey.”
“I never thought you would,” she replied. “Any more than I’d cheat on you.”
“That would be the eighth wonder of the world,” he remarked with deceptive softness, “considering your hang-ups. We’ve been married for almost two weeks, and you still look like a sacrificial lamb every time I come near you.”
She drew in a slow, steadying breath. “Yes, I know,” she said miserably. She smiled bitterly. “I’m aware of my own failings, Justin. I guess you won’t believe it, but you can’t possibly blame me any more than I blame myself for what I am.”
He scowled. He hadn’t meant to put her on the defensive. His pride was stung and he was striking out. But he didn’t want to hurt her anymore. He’d done enough of that already.
“I didn’t mean it like that,” he said on a weary breath. “It’s the way things happened, that’s all.” He looked his age for a minute, his expression bleak, his dark eyes haunted. “You savaged my pride, Shelby. It’s taken a long time to put it behind me. I guess I haven’t, just yet.”
“I didn’t get off scot-free, either,” she murmured. Her thin shoulders slumped. “I’ve had my share of grief over what I did.”
“Why?” he asked shortly.
She closed her eyes and winced. “I did it for your sake,” she whispered.
He let out an angry breath. “Well, that’s a new tack, at least.” He ground out the half-finished cigarette and got to his feet. “I’ve got some paperwork to do before Maria gets supper on the table.” He paused beside her chair, watching the way she stiffened as he got close to her. He reached down and caught a handful of her long hair, dragging her head back so that he could see her eyes. “Fear,” he ground out, searching them. “That’s all I ever see in your eyes when I come near you. Well, don’t sweat it, honey. You won’t be called on to make the supreme sacrifice. I’m not desperate!”
He let her go and moved past her with anger in every line of his powerful body, without another word or a backward glance.
Shelby felt the tears come and she didn’t stop them. He didn’t know why she was afraid, and she couldn’t tell him. He just assumed that she withdrew because she didn’t want him. Nothing was further from the truth. She did, desperately. But she wanted him controlled and gentle, and she remembered how it had been when he wasn’t.
She got up from the table and went up to her room to spend a few quiet minutes before they ate getting herself back together again. It was so hard to talk to him, to get around his growing impatience. Her rejection was doing terrible things to him, and even now she felt protective. She wanted to give him what he wanted, to erase those hard lines from his face. But she was so frightened of the demands he might make on her.
If only she could tell him. But her sheltered background made it too embarrassing to explain why she was the way she was. Until she could find a way to make him understand, it was going to put an even worse strain on their marriage.
Chapter Five (#ulink_424c3d49-47d3-5bf2-8207-938ecac72638)
If Shelby had hoped to find Justin less angry over dinner, she was doomed to disappointment. He sat at the head of the table like a stone man, barely speaking through the meal. She couldn’t talk to him. She didn’t know what to say.
Afterward, he went out the door without a word and Shelby felt a sense of utter desperation. If only she could go to him and put her arms around him, explain how she felt, why she was the way she was. But would he believe her, with their past?
Misery wrapped around her like a blanket. She got her purse and went out to her car. If Justin thought she was going to sit around by herself for what was left of the evening, he could just think again.
She started the sports car, revved the engine, backed out and roared away. The wonderful thing about the little car was the delicious feel of its controlled speed. She loved the straight road, the sense of freedom she felt with the wind in her long hair, the exhilaration of being alone with her thoughts.
Justin hated her, but that was nothing new. He always had. She’d hurt him and he was never going to forgive her. She didn’t know why she’d agreed to marry him; it was never going to work out. She’d been a fool to go through with it in the first place, so she had only herself to blame for her present misery.
She was so deep in thought that she didn’t notice the stop sign until she was on it, and the loud baritone of a truck’s horn made her blood freeze.
A huge transfer-trailer truck was barreling down the highway. Shelby’s little car wasn’t going to be fast enough to beat that mammoth vehicle across the intersection, and it was touch and go if she’d be able to stop at all.
With her heart in her throat, and the numb certainty of death stiffening her body, she hit the brake. The car went into a spin, the squeal of tires terrible in the later afternoon stillness, her face frozen with terror as she lost control and the sky went around and around and around…
The car spun into the deep ditch and leaned drunkenly sideways, but amazingly it didn’t turn over. Shelby sat, shaken but unhurt, nausea bitter in her throat and the world spinning around her. There was the sound of another car screeching to a halt. A door opened. There was the sound of running feet and then, suddenly, a man’s anguished shout.
“Shelby!” The man’s face was familiar, but somehow unfamiliar. It was hoarse and choked and blackly furious. “Answer me, damn it, are you all right?”
She felt her seat belt being forced away from her with hands that were lean and brown and shaking. She felt those same hands running over her body, searching for blood or broken bones, exquisitely gentle.
“Are you all right?” Justin asked huskily. “Do you hurt anywhere? For God’s sake, sweetheart, answer me!”
“I…I’m fine,” she whispered numbly. “The door…?”
“It won’t open, the frame’s sprung. Easy does it, now.” He carefully reached down to get her under the armpits and with formidable strength he lifted her clear of the car. When she was on the ground, swaying, he picked her up with exquisite tenderness and carried her up from the ditch. The truck driver had stopped down the road and was coming toward them, but Justin didn’t seem to see him. His expression was rigid with control, but he couldn’t stop his arms from trembling under her slender body.
That fact finally registered in Shelby’s dazed mind. She looked up then and saw his face, and her breath fluttered. He was flour-white, only his eyes alive and glittering blackly in that set, haunted face. He looked down at her, his arms convulsively dragging her against his chest.
“You little fool…!” he choked.
As long as she lived, she knew she’d never forget the horror she saw in his eyes. She reached up to hold him, her only thought to remove that look from his eyes.
“It’s all right, Justin,” she murmured softly. His reaction fascinated her. She’d never seen him shaken before. It made her feel protective, that tiny chink in his cool armor.
“I’m fine, Justin,” she whispered. Her eyes searched his, amazed at the vulnerability there. She touched his mouth, her soft fingers caressing as they slid up into his thick, dark hair. “Darling, I’m all right, really I am!” She pulled his mouth down and put hers softly against it, loving the way he let her kiss him, even if it was only out of shock—which, in fact, it was. For several seconds she savored the newness of it, then something stirred in her slender body, and her mouth pushed upward, hungry for a harder, deeper contact than this. It had been years since they’d kissed, since they’d really kissed. She moaned softly and he seemed to come out of his trance. His arm contracted, and his hard mouth opened hungrily against hers on a wild, shattered groan.
His mouth hurt as it dragged against hers while he muttered something violent and unintelligible against her soft lips. He pulled back with evident reluctance as the truck driver came running down the highway toward them.
“Is she all right?” the man asked, panting from the long run he’d had. “My God, I was sure I’d hit her…!”
“She’s all right,” Justin answered tersely. “But that damned car won’t be when I can lay my hands on my rifle.”
The truck driver sighed with pure relief. “Damn, lady, you can sure handle yourself,” he said with admiration. “If you’d lost your nerve and thrown up your hands, you’d be dead and I’d be a mental patient.”
“I’m sorry.” Shelby wept, her nerve broken from the combination of the near miss and the exquisite ardor of Justin’s hard mouth. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t even see you coming!”
The truck driver, a young man with red hair, just shook his head, barely able to get his breath. “Are you sure you’re all right?”
“I’m fine,” she said, forcing a trembling smile. “Thank you for stopping. It wasn’t your fault.”
“That wouldn’t have made me feel any better,” she was told. “Well, if you’re sure, I’ll be on my way.” He looked at Justin, and almost offered to help, but the glitter in those black eyes wasn’t encouraging.
“As my wife said, thanks for stopping,” Justin said.
The younger man nodded, smiled and walked away with patent relief, wondering why a woman that pretty would marry such a desperado. He was glad she wasn’t hurt. He wouldn’t have relished having to face that wild-eyed husband unarmed.
Justin didn’t say another word. He turned, carrying Shelby to the Thunderbird. He balanced her on his knee, opened the passenger door and put her inside very gently.
“What about my car?” she asked.
His black eyes met hers. “Damn your car,” he said huskily. He slammed the door and went around to get in under the wheel. But he didn’t start the car. He sat with his hands, white-knuckled, gripping the steering wheel for a long moment while Shelby waited for the explosion that she knew was about to come. Justin had been badly shaken and somebody was going to pay for it. Now that he was sure she was all right, she could imagine that he was loading both verbal barrels.
“Go ahead, give me hell,” she said tearfully, searching in the glove compartment for a tissue. “I was driving too fast, and I wasn’t watching. I deserve every lecture I get.” She blew her nose. “How did you get here so fast?”
He still didn’t speak. After a minute, he sat back in the bucket seat and fumbled a cigarette out of his pocket. He lit it with still-trembling hands, staring straight ahead.
“I followed you,” he said curtly. “When I heard you gun the car out of the driveway, I was afraid you might try to take out your temper on the highway, so I tagged along.” His head turned and his black eyes flashed at her. “My God, I paid for sins I haven’t even committed when I saw you spin out.”
She could imagine how it had been for him, having to watch. Even though he didn’t love her, it would have been terrible.
“I’m sorry,” she said inadequately, folding her arms across her breasts shakily.
His chest rose and fell with a huge, angry breath. “Are you, really?” he said. He was back in control now, and the cool smile on his face infuriated her. “Well, you can say goodbye to that damned sports car. Tomorrow, I’ll go downtown with you and steer you toward something safe.”
“What did you have in mind, a Sherman tank?” she asked with ice in her tone.
“A bicycle, if you keep this up,” he corrected angrily. “I told you once before, Shelby, your reckless days are over.”
“You’re not going to order me around!” she shot at him through trembling lips and clenched teeth. “I’m not your ward!”
“No,” he agreed with a mocking smile. “You’re my wife, aren’t you? My saintly, untouched wife who can bear anyone’s hands except mine.”
It was too much. She burst into tears again, turning her face to the window, burying her eyes in the soggy tissue.
“Don’t,” he groaned. “For God’s sake, stop it. I can’t stand tears!”
“Then don’t look, damn you,” she whispered, stomping her foot.
He swore roughly, digging into his pocket for his freshly laundered linen handkerchief. He thrust it into her trembling hands, feeling as if someone had kicked him.
“You’ll make yourself sick. Stop it. You’re all right. A miss is as good as a mile, isn’t it?” he asked, his voice softer now, deeper. He touched her hair hesitantly. It was all coming back into focus, little by little. He frowned, because now he remembered something that panic had knocked out of his mind. She’d touched his face and whispered something, and she’d put her mouth against his to comfort him. What had she said…?
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Diana Palmer
DIANA PALMER’S TEXAN LOVERS 1-6The first six books of bestselling romance author Diana Palmer’s fantastic Long, Tall Texan’s series.CALHOUNAbby Clark may have been just a girl when she came to live with Calhoun Ballenger and his brother, but she had long since grown up and it was time Calhoun realised it. So she devised a plan to capture his attention.JUSTINSweet dreams had been all that lovely Shelby Jacobs had ever given Justin Ballenger. He'd loved her, wanted to marry her…and his sweet dreams had blown away. He vowed never again to be vulnerable to his beautiful Texas rose.TYLERWith only a quick glance at Nell Regan, a man might miss the beauty in the shy face, or the sexy figure hidden beneath the shapeless clothes. Then Tyler Jacobs arrived…a man who knew what it was like to be alone and yearned to kiss away the pain he saw in Nell's eyes. SUTTON’S WAYWyoming rancher and single father Quinn Sutton is raising a child he knows isn't his own. All the love left in his guarded heart goes to the boy. But when a beautiful city woman is stranded nearby in a blizzard, he rescues her and brings her to Ricochet Ranch.ETHANArabella Craig had been eighteen when Ethan Hardeman had opened her eyes to passion…and then married another woman. Four years later, tragedy brought Ethan back into her life. But Arabella was determined not to let this Texan escape her again…CONNALPenelope Mathews had spent her entire adolescence worshipping C. C. Tremayne. Until one night, trying to protect the mysterious loner from landing in jail after he had drunk too much, Pepi sought refuge in a wedding chapel—and wound up emerging as Mrs Connal Cade Tremayne!Look out for more of Diana Palmer’s fabulous Texans coming soon in e book.
Diana Palmer Texan Lovers
Calhoun
Justin
Tyler
Sutton’s Way
Ethan
Connal
Diana Palmer
www.millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk)
Table of Contents
Cover (#u65a764c4-7f26-5f1e-bdf4-8cf79d1547d4)
Title Page (#u0a03028a-b82a-5ab8-9912-58179974d7f6)
Calhoun
Letter to Reader (#u76b4862e-ff45-5abb-81a8-34d27e1bd95b)
Dedication (#ub53cf4c3-9ddc-5953-af5b-c8dde5149790)
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Justin
Back Cover Text (#u97bf3952-6a77-50e3-a3b7-7da9ce064955)
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Tyler
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Extract (#litres_trial_promo)
Sutton’s Way
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Ethan
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Connal
Letter to Reader
About the Author (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Copyright (#litres_trial_promo)
Calhoun (#u541de333-9504-5525-9a5d-f86cb82825f9)
Dear Readers (#u541de333-9504-5525-9a5d-f86cb82825f9),
It delights me to see my original three LONG, TALL TEXANS in print again. When I began the series, I had no idea that it would become so popular. Since these heroes and heroines are among my own favorites, it is a special pleasure to see them all together in one book.
In answer to many requests, yes, there will be future books in this series! Thank you all for your response to the LONG, TALL TEXANS, and for your kindness to me over the years.
Your friend,
To Mary Wheeler at Micro Pro—thanks a million!
Chapter One (#u541de333-9504-5525-9a5d-f86cb82825f9)
Abby couldn’t help looking over her shoulder from time to time as she stood in line at the theater ticket counter. She’d escaped by telling Justin that she was going to see an art exhibit. Calhoun, thank God, was off somewhere buying more cattle, although he was certain to be home later this evening. When he found out where his ward had been, he’d be furious. She almost grinned at her own craftiness.
Well, it took craftiness to deal with Calhoun Ballenger. He and Justin, his older brother, had taken Abby in when she’d been just fifteen. They would have been her stepbrothers, except that an untimely car accident had killed their father and Abby’s mother just two days before the couple were to have gotten married. There hadn’t been any other family, so Calhoun had proposed that he and Justin assume responsibility for the heartbroken teenager, Abigail Clark. And they did. It was legal, of course; technically Abby was Calhoun’s ward. The problem was that she couldn’t make Calhoun realize that she was a woman.
Abby sighed. That was a problem, all right. And to make it even worse, he’d gone crazy on the subject of protecting her from the world. For the past four months it had been a major ordeal just to go out on a date. The way he stood watch over her was getting almost comical. Justin rarely smiled, but Calhoun’s antics brought him close to it.
Calhoun’s attitude didn’t amuse Abby, though. She was desperately in love with Calhoun, but the big blond man still looked upon her as a child. And despite her frequent attempts to show Calhoun that she was a woman, she couldn’t seem to get through his armor.
She shifted restlessly. She had no idea of how to attract a man like Calhoun in the first place. He wasn’t as much of a rounder now as he had been in his youth, but she knew that he was frequently seen in nightclubs in San Antonio with one sophisticated beauty or another. And here was Abby, dying of love for him. She wasn’t sophisticated or beautiful. She was a rather plain country girl, not the sort to immediately draw men’s eyes, even though her figure was better than average.
After brooding over the problem, she had come up with a solution. If she could manage to get sophisticated, he might notice her. Going to a strip show wasn’t exactly the best first step, but in Jacobsville it was a good start. Just being seen here would show Calhoun that she wasn’t the little prude he thought she was. When he found out about it—and eventually he would hear she’d attended the show.
Abby smoothed the waistline of her pretty gray plaid skirt. She was wearing a pale yellow blouse with it, and her long, wavy brown hair was in a neat chignon. Her hair, when it was loose, was one of her best assets. It was thick and silky. And her eyes weren’t bad. They were big, quiet grayish-blue eyes, and she was blessed with a peaches-and-cream complexion and a perfect bow of a mouth. But without careful makeup she was hopelessly plain. Her breasts were bigger than she wanted them to be, her legs longer than she would have liked. She had friends who were small and dainty, and they made her feel like a beanpole. She glanced down at herself miserably. If only she were petite and exquisitely beautiful.
At least she did look older and more sophisticated than usual in her burgundy velour jacket, and her blue-gray eyes sparkled as she thought about what she was doing. Well, it wasn’t so bad for a woman to go to a male dance revue, was it? She had to get educated somehow, and God knew Calhoun wasn’t about to let her date any men who knew the score. He saw to it that her only escorts were boys her own age, and he screened every one and made casual remarks about how often he cleaned his guns and what he thought about “fooling around before marriage.” It wasn’t really surprising to Abby that few of her dates came back.
She shivered a little in the cold night air. It was February, and cold even in south Texas. As she huddled in her jacket, she smiled at another young woman shivering in the long line outside the Grand Theater. It was the only theater in Jacobsville, and there had been some opposition to having this kind of entertainment come to town. But in the end there had been surprisingly few complaints, and there was a long line of women waiting to see if these men lived up to the publicity.
Wouldn’t Calhoun just die when he found out what she’d done? She grinned. His blonde-streaked brown hair would stand on end, and his dark eyes would glare at her furiously. Justin would do what he always did—he’d go out and dig postholes while Calhoun wound down. The two brothers looked a lot alike, except that Justin’s hair was almost black. They both had dark eyes, and they were both tall, muscular men. Calhoun was by far the handsomer of the two. Justin had a craggy face and a reticent personality, and although he was courteous to women, he never dated anybody. Almost everybody knew why—Shelby Jacobs had thrown him over years ago, refusing to marry him.
That had been when the Ballengers had still been poor, before Justin’s business sense and Calhoun’s feel for marketing had skyrocketed them to success with a mammoth feedlot operation here in south Texas. Shelby’s family was rich, and rumor had it that she thought Justin was beneath her. It had certainly made him bitter. Funny, she mused, Shelby seemed like such a wonderful woman. And her brother, Tyler, was nice, too.
Two more ladies got their tickets, and Abby dug out a ten-dollar bill. Just as she got to the ticket counter, though, her wrist was suddenly seized and she was pulled unceremoniously to one side.
“I thought I recognized that jacket,” Calhoun murmured, glaring down at her with eyes that were dark and faintly glittering. “What a good thing I decided to come home through town. Where’s my brother?” he added for good measure. “Does he know where you are?”
“I told him I was going to an art exhibit,” Abby replied with a touch of her irrepressible humor. Her blue-gray eyes twinkled up at him, and she felt the warm glow she always felt when Calhoun came close. Even when he was angry, it was so good to be near him. “Well, it is an art exhibit, sort of,” she argued when he looked skeptical. “Except that the male statues are alive…”
“My God.” He stared at the line of amused women and abruptly turned toward his white Jaguar, tugging at her wrist. “Let’s go.”
“I’m not going home,” she said firmly, struggling. It was exciting to challenge him. “I’m going to buy my ticket and go in there—Calhoun!” she wailed as he ended the argument by simply lifting her in his hard arms and carrying her to the car.
“I can’t even leave the state for one day without you doing something insane,” Calhoun muttered in his deep, gravelly voice. “The last time I went off on business, I came home to find you about to leave for Lake Tahoe with that Misty Davies.”
“Congratulations. You saved me from a weekend of skiing,” Abby murmured dryly. Not for the world would she have admitted how exciting it was to have him carry her, to feel his strength at such close quarters. He was as strong as he looked, and the subtle scents of his body and the warmth of his breath on her face made her body tingle in new and exciting ways.
“There were two college boys all set to go along, as I remember,” he reminded her.
“What am I supposed to do with my car?” she demanded. “Leave it here?”
“Why not? God knows nobody would be stupid enough to steal it,” he replied easily, and kept walking, her slight weight soft and disturbing in his hard arms.
“It’s a very nice little car,” she protested, talking more than usual because the feel of his chest was unnerving her. His clean-shaven chin was just above her, and she was getting drunk on the feel of him.
“Which you wouldn’t have if I’d gone with you instead of Justin,” he returned. “Honest to God, he spoils you rotten. He should have married Shelby and had kids of his own to ruin. I hate having him practice on you. That damned little sports car isn’t safe.”
“It’s mine, I like it, I’m making the payments and I’m keeping it,” she said shortly.
He looked down at her, his dark eyes much too close to hers. “Aren’t we brave, though?” he taunted softly, deliberately letting his gaze fall on her mouth.
She could barely breathe, but he wasn’t going to make her back down. Not that way. She didn’t dare let him see the effect he had on her. “I’m almost twenty-one,” she reminded him. He looked into her eyes, and she felt the impact of his glance like a body blow. It made her feel like a lead weight. And there was a sudden tautness about his body that puzzled her. For seconds that strung out like hours, he searched her eyes. Then abruptly he moved again.
“So you keep telling me,” he replied curtly. “And then you go and do something stupid like this.”
“There’s nothing wrong with being sophisticated,” she mumbled. “God knows how I’ll ever get an education. You seem to want me to spend the rest of my life a virgin.”
“Hang out in this kind of atmosphere and you won’t stay in that sainted condition for much longer,” he returned angrily. She disturbed him when she made such statements. She had been talking like that for months, and he was no nearer a solution to the problem than he had been at the beginning. He quickened his pace toward the car, his booted feet making loud, angry thuds on the pavement.
Calhoun was still wearing a dark suit, Abby noticed. His thick dark-blond hair was covered by his cream dress Stetson. He smelled of Oriental cologne, and his dark face was clean-shaven. He was a handsome brute, Abby thought. Sexy and overpoweringly masculine, and she loved every line of him, every scowl, every rugged inch. She forced her screaming nerves not to give her away and attempted to hide her attraction to him, as usual, with humor.
“Aren’t we in a temper, though?” she taunted softly, and his dark expression hardened. It was exciting to make him mad. She’d only realized that in the past few weeks, but more and more she liked to prod him, to see his explosive reactions. She loved the touch of his hands, and provoking him had become addictive. “I’m a big girl. I graduated from the trade school last year. I have a diploma. I’m a secretary. I’m working for Mr. Bundy at the feedlot sales office—”
“I remember. I paid for the trade school courses and got you the damned job,” he said tersely.
“You sure did, Calhoun,” she agreed, her mischievous gaze darting up at him as he opened the passenger door of the vehicle and put her on the smooth leather seat, slamming the door once she was settled. He went around the gleaming hood and got in under the steering wheel. There was muted violence in the way he started the powerful white car, shot away from the curb and drove down the main town’s street.
“Abby, I can’t believe you really wanted to pay money to watch a bunch of boys take their clothes off,” he muttered.
“It beats having boys try to take mine off,” she returned humorously. “You must think so, too, because you go nuts if I try to date anybody with any experience.”
He frowned. That was true. It upset him to think of any man taking advantage of Abby. He didn’t want other men touching her.
“I’d beat a man to his knees for trying to undress you, and that’s a fact,” he said.
“My poor future husband,” she sighed. “I can see him now, calling the police on our wedding night…”
“You’re years too young to talk about getting married,” he said.
“I’ll be twenty-one in three months. My mother was twenty-one when she had me,” she reminded him.
“I’m thirty-two, and I’ve never been married,” he replied. “There’s plenty of time. You don’t need to rush into marriage before you’ve had time to see something of the world,” he said firmly.
“How can I?” she asked reasonably. “You won’t let me.”
He glared at her. “It’s the part of life that you’re trying to see that bothers me. Male strip shows. My God.”
“They weren’t going to take all their clothes off,” she assured him. “Just most of them.”
“Why did you decide to go tonight?”
“I didn’t have anything else to do,” she sighed. “And Misty had been to see this show.”
“Misty Davies,” he muttered. “I’ve told you I don’t approve of your friendship with that flighty heiress. She’s years older than you and much more sophisticated.”
“No wonder,” she replied. “She doesn’t have an overbearing guardian who’s determined to save her from herself.”
“She could have used one. A woman who treats her body cheaply doesn’t invite a wedding ring.”
“So you keep saying. At least Misty won’t faint of shock on her wedding night when her husband takes his clothes off. I’ve never seen a man without a stitch on. Except in this magazine that Misty had—” she began, warming to her subject.
“For God’s sake, you shouldn’t be reading that kind of magazine!” He looked outraged.
Her eyebrows went up suddenly, and her eyes were as round as saucers. “Why not?”
He searched for words. “Well…because!”
“Men ogle women in those kind of magazines,” she said reasonably. “If we can be exploited, why can’t men?”
He finally gave in to ill temper. “Why can’t you just shut up, Abby?”
“Okay, Calhoun, I’ll do that very thing,” she agreed. She studied his hard, angry profile, and almost smiled at the way she’d gotten him ruffled. He might not be in love with her, but she certainly did have a knack for getting his attention.
“All this sudden fascination with male nudity,” he grumbled, glaring at her. “I don’t know what’s gotten into you.”
“Frustration,” she replied. “It comes from too many nights sitting home alone.”
“I’ve never tried to stop you from dating,” he said defensively.
“Oh, no, of course you haven’t. You just sit with my prospective dates and make a big deal of cleaning your gun collection while you air your archaic views on premarital sex!”
“They’re not archaic,” he said curtly. “A lot of men feel the way I do about it.”
“Do tell?” She lifted her eyebrow. “And I suppose that means that you’re a virgin, too, Calhoun?”
His dark eyes cut sideways at her. “Do you think so, Abby?” he asked, in a tone she’d never heard him use.
She suddenly felt very young. The huskiness in his deep voice, added to the faint arrogance in his dark eyes, made her feel foolish for even having asked. Of course he wasn’t a virgin.
She averted her eyes. “Foolish question,” she murmured softly.
“Wasn’t it, though?” He pressed on the accelerator. For some reason, it bothered him to have Abby know what his private life was like. She probably knew more than he’d given her credit for, especially if she was hanging around with Misty Davies. Misty frequented the same kind of city hot spots that Calhoun did, and she’d seen him with one or two of his occasional companions. He hoped Misty hadn’t talked to Abby about what she’d seen, but he couldn’t count on it.
His sudden withdrawal puzzled Abby. She didn’t like the cold silence that was growing between them any more than she liked thinking about his women. “How did you know where I was?” she asked to break the rigid silence.
“I didn’t, honey,” he confessed. The endearment sounded so natural coming from him that she’d never minded him using it, though she disliked its artificiality when other men did. “I happened to come home through Jacobsville. And who should I see in line—in front of all the lurid posters—but you?”
She sighed. “Fate. Fate is out to get me.”
“Fate may not be the only one,” he returned, but his voice was so low that she couldn’t hear.
He turned onto the road that led past the feedlot to the big Spanish house where the Ballengers lived. On the way they passed the Jacobs’s colonial-style house, far off the road at the end of a paved driveway, with purebred Arabian horses grazing in sprawling pastures dotted with oak trees. There wasn’t much grass—the weather was still cold, and a few snow flurries had caused excitement the day before. Big bales of hay were placed around the property to give the horses adequate feed, supplemented with blocks of vitamins and minerals.
“I hear the Jacobses are having financial problems,” Abby remarked absently.
He glanced at her. “Since the old man died last summer, they’re close to bankrupt, in fact Tyler’s borrowed all he can borrow. If he can’t pull it together now, he never will. The old man made deals Ty didn’t even know about. If he loses that place, it’s going to be damned hard on his pride.”
“Hard on Shelby’s, too,” she remarked.
He grimaced. “For God’s sake, don’t mention Shelby around Justin.”
“I wouldn’t dare. He gets funny, doesn’t he?”
“I wouldn’t call throwing punches at people funny.”
“I’ve seen you throw punches a time or two,” she reminded him, recalling one particular day not too long before when one of the new cowhands had beaten a horse. Calhoun had knocked the man to his knees and fired him on the spot, his voice so cold and quiet that it had cut to the bone. Calhoun didn’t have to raise his voice. Like Justin, when Calhoun lost his temper he had a look that made words unnecessary.
He was an odd mixture, she thought, studying him. So tenderhearted that he’d go off for half a day by himself if he had to put down a calf or if something happened to one of his men. And so hotheaded at times that the men would actually hide from his anger. In temperament, he was like Justin. They were both strong, fiery men, but underneath there was a tenderness, a vulnerability, that very few people ever saw. Abby, because she’d lived with them for so many years, knew them better than any outsider ever could.
“How did you get back so fast?” she asked to break the silence.
He shrugged. “I guess I’ve got radar,” he murmured, smiling faintly. “I had a feeling you wouldn’t be sitting at home with Justin watching old war movies on the VCR.”
“I didn’t think you’d be back before morning.”
“So you decided you’d go watch a lot of muscle men strip off and wiggle on the stage.”
“Heaven knows I tried.” She sighed theatrically. “Now I’ll die ignorant, thanks to you.”
“Damn it all,” he laughed, taken aback by her reactions. She made him laugh more than any woman he’d ever known. And lately he’d found himself thinking about her more than he should. Maybe it was just his age, he thought. He’d been alone a long time, and a woman here and there didn’t really satisfy him. But Abby wasn’t fair game. She was a marrying girl, and he’d better remember that. No way could he seduce her for pleasure, so he had to keep the fires banked down. If he could.
Justin was in his study when they got back, frowning darkly over some figures in his books. When he looked up, his craggy face was devoid of expression, but his dark eyes twinkled when he glanced from Calhoun’s irritated expression to Abby’s furious one.
“How was the art show?” he asked her.
“It wasn’t an art show,” Calhoun said flatly, tossing his Stetson onto the coffee table. “It was a male strip show.”
Justin’s pencil stopped in midair as he stared at Abby. His shock was a little embarrassing, because Justin was even more old-fashioned and reactionary than Calhoun about such things. He wouldn’t even talk about anything intimate in mixed company.
“A what?” Justin asked.
“A male revue,” Abby countered, glaring at Calhoun. “It’s a kind of…variety show.”
“Hell,” Calhoun retorted, his dark eyes flashing. “It’s a strip show!”
“Abby!” Justin scolded.
“I’m almost twenty-one,” she told him. “I have a responsible job. I drive a car. I’m old enough to marry and have children. If I want to go and see a male variety show—” she ignored Calhoun’s instantly inserted “strip show” “—I have every right.”
Justin laid his pencil down and lit a cigarette. Calhoun glared at him, and so did Abby, but he ignored them. The only concession he made to their disapproval was to turn on one of the eight smokeless ashtrays they’d bought him for Christmas.
“That sounds like a declaration of war,” Justin remarked.
Abby lifted her chin. “That’s what it is.” She turned to Calhoun. “If you don’t stop embarrassing me in front of the whole world, I’ll move in with Misty Davies.”
Calhoun’s good intentions went up in smoke. “Like hell you will,” he countered. “You’re not living with that woman!”
“I’ll live with her if I want to!”
“If you two would…” Justin began calmly.
“Over my dead body!” Calhoun raged, moving closer. “She has parties that last for days!”
“…just try to communicate…” Justin continued.
“She likes people! She’s a socialite!” Abby’s eyes were almost black now as she clenched her fists by her side and glared up at Calhoun.
“…you just might…” Justin went on.
“She’s a featherbrained, overstimulated eccentric!” Calhoun retorted.
“…COME TO AN UNDERSTANDING!” Justin thundered, rising out of his chair with blazing eyes.
They both froze at the unfamiliar sound of his raised voice. He never shouted, not even when he was at his angriest.
“Damn, I hurt my ears,” Justin sighed, putting his palm to one while he glared at his brother and Abby. “Now, listen, this isn’t getting you anywhere. Besides that, any minute Maria and Lopez are going to come running in here thinking someone’s been murdered.” Just as he finished speaking, two robed, worried elderly people appeared, wide-eyed and apprehensive, in the doorway. “Now see what you’ve done,” Justin grumbled.
“What is all this noise about?” Maria asked, pushing back her long salt-and-pepper hair and glancing worriedly around the room. “We thought something terrible had happened.”
“¡Ay de mí! Another rumble.” Lopez shook his head and grinned at Abby. “What have you done now, niñita?”
She glared at him. “Nothing,” she said tersely. “Not one thing—”
“She went to a male strip show,” Calhoun volunteered.
“I did not!” she protested, red faced.
“What is the world coming to?” Maria shook her head, put her hands to it and went out mumbling in Spanish, followed by a chuckling Lopez. The couple, married more than thirty years, had been with the family for two generations. They were family, not just cook and former horse wrangler.
“But, I didn’t!” Abby called after them. She darted a speaking glance at Calhoun, who was perched on a corner of Justin’s desk looking elegant and imperturbable. “Now see what you’ve done!”
“Me?” Calhoun asked coolly. “Hell, you’re the one with the lurid curiosity.”
“Lurid?” She gaped at him. “Go ahead, tell me you’ve never been to a female strip show.”
Calhoun got up, looking uncomfortable. “That’s different.”
“Oh, sure it is. Women are sex objects but men aren’t, right?”
“She’s got you there,” Justin said.
Calhoun glared at both of them, turned on his heel and left the room. Abby gazed after him smugly, feeling as if she’d won at least a minor victory. There was little consolation in her triumph, though. Calhoun had been harder to get along with than a bone-dry snake at a poison water hole lately. She didn’t know how or what, but she was going to have to do something about the situation, and soon.
Chapter Two (#u541de333-9504-5525-9a5d-f86cb82825f9)
Abby arranged to miss breakfast the next morning. Calhoun’s attitude irritated her. He didn’t want her himself, but he was so possessive that she couldn’t get near another man. His attitude was frustrating at best. He had no idea how she felt, of course. She was careful to hide her feelings for him. A man like Calhoun, who was rich and moderately handsome, could have any woman he wanted. He wouldn’t want a plain, unsophisticated woman like Abby. She knew that, and it hurt. It made her rebellious, too. She didn’t want to spend the rest of her life grieving for a man she could never have. It was far better to look in other directions. But how could she, when Calhoun refused to let go?
She drove several miles from the ranch to the office at the mammoth feedlot in the small red British sports car she’d talked Justin into cosigning for when she’d graduated from the local vocational school. Because of the attention Calhoun and Justin paid to hygiene, there wasn’t as much odor as most feedlots generated, which surprised a lot of visiting cattlemen. Abby had once gone with Calhoun to tour some other feedlots and had come out with a new respect for the one back home. The Ballenger brothers’ operation was a little more expensive to run, but there were hardly any cattle deaths here because of disease. And that was a prime consideration. A rancher who contracted with the feedlot to fatten his cattle for slaughter didn’t want to lose the animals to disease.
Since Abby was early, the office was deserted. There were three other women who worked here, all married, and they helped keep records on the various herds of feeder cattle being fattened for ranches all over the country. There were contracts to sort and file, records on each lot of cattle to keep, and ongoing vaccination and management reports. There was the constant hum of the heavy equipment used to feed the cattle and to remove waste to underground storage to be used later to fertilize pastures where grain was grown. The phones rang constantly and the computers had to be programmed. There was a payroll department, as well as a salesman, a staff veterinarian and a number of cowboys who moved cattle in and out and saw to feeding them and maintaining the machinery that kept it all going. Abby hadn’t realized until she’d come to work here how big the operation was.
The sheer size of it was staggering, even for Texas. Fenced areas filled with steers stretched to the horizon, and the dust was formidable, as was the smell, which was inevitable even when sanitary management practices were employed.
The Ballengers didn’t own a packing plant—that wasn’t legal, just as it wasn’t legal for packers to own custom feedlots. But the brothers did own a third of their feeder cattle, and the other two-thirds were custom fed. Abby had grown up hearing terms like profit margin, break-even prices and ration formulation. Now she understood what the words meant.
She put her purse under her desk and turned on her computer. There were several new contracts waiting to be filled in for new lots of four-footed customers.
The feedlot took in feeder cattle weighing six hundred to seven hundred pounds and fed them up to their slaughter weight of one thousand to eleven hundred pounds. The Ballengers had a resident nutritionist and an experienced stockman who handled the twice-daily feeding routine with its highly automated machinery. They had the feeding down to such a fine art that the Ballenger operation was included in the top five percent of feedlots nationally. And that was a real honor, considering all the things that could go wrong, from falling cattle prices to unexpected epidemics to drought.
Abby was fascinated by the workings of it all. There were thousands of bawling steers and heifers out there. There were always big cattle trucks coming and going and men yelling and herding and vaccinating and dehorning, and the noise could get deafening despite the soundproofed office walls. Visiting cattlemen came to see their investments. Those who didn’t come were sent monthly progress reports. Daily records were kept on everything.
Abby fed the first contract into her electronic typewriter, trying to decipher the spidery scrawl of Caudell Ayker, the feedlot office manager. He was second only to Calhoun in the chain of command, because Calhoun’s name went in as manager. He and Justin owned the feedlot jointly, but Justin held the lion’s share of the stock. Justin preferred money management to meeting with clients, so Calhoun did most of the day-to-day management on the feedlot. That was one reason Abby loved the job. It meant she got to see a lot of Calhoun.
When Calhoun walked in the door in a dashing pale tan suit, Abby hit the wrong key, covering the contract with a flock of Xs. She grimaced, backspacing to correct her mistake, and then discovered that she couldn’t do it. The correction was too little, too late. Irritated, she ripped the paper out of the machine, put a clean sheet in and started all over again.
“Having problems this morning, honey?” Calhoun asked with his usual cheerful smile, despite the way they’d parted in anger the night before. He never carried grudges. It was one of his virtues.
“Just the usual frustrations, boss,” she answered with a blithe smile.
He searched her eyes. They had such a peculiar light in them lately. He found her more and more disturbing, especially when she wore close-fitting suits like the blue one she had on today. It clung lovingly to every line of her tall, slender body, outlining the thrust of her high breasts, the smooth curve of her hips. He took a slow breath, trying to hide his growing attraction to her. It was odd how she’d managed to get under his skin so easily.
“You look nice,” he said unexpectedly.
She felt color blush her cheeks, and she smiled. “Thank you.”
He hesitated without knowing why, his dark eyes caressing her face, her mouth. “I don’t like your hair like that,” he added quietly. “I like it long and loose.”
She was having a hard time breathing. Her eyes worked up his broad chest to his face and were trapped by his steady gaze. Like electricity, something burst between them, linking them, until she had to drag her eyes down again. Her legs actually trembled.
“I’d better get back to work,” she said unsteadily, fiddling with the paper.
“We both had,” he replied. He turned and walked into his office without knowing how he got there. Once inside, he sat down behind his big oak desk and stared through the open door at Abby until the buzz of the intercom reminded him of the day’s business.
Things went smoothly for a little while, but it was too much to expect that the serenity would last. Just before lunch, one of the cattlemen who had feeder steers in the lot came by to check on them and got an eyeful of Abby.
“You sure are a pretty little thing,” the man said, grinning down at the picture she made in her neat blue knit suit and white blouse with her hair in a French twist and a minimum of makeup on her pretty face. He was about Calhoun’s age.
She flushed. The man wasn’t as handsome as Calhoun, but he was pleasant-looking and he seemed harmless. “Thank you,” she said demurely, and smiled at him, just as she smiled at other customers. But he took it as an invitation.
He sat down on the corner of her desk, giving her a purely masculine scrutiny with his pale blue eyes. “I’m Greg Myers,” he introduced himself. “I just stopped in on my way to Oklahoma City, and I thought I’d take Calhoun to lunch if he’s in. But I think I’d rather take you instead.” He lowered his voice, then reached out unexpectedly and touched Abby’s cheek, ignoring her indrawn breath. “You pretty little thing. You look like a tea rose, ripe for the picking.”
Abby just gaped at him. All her reading and imagining hadn’t prepared her for this kind of flirtation with an experienced man. She was out of her depth and frankly stunned.
“Come on, now,” Myers drawled, caressing her cheek. “Say you will. We’ll have a nice long lunch and get to know each other.”
While Abby was searching for the right words to extricate herself from the unwelcome situation, Calhoun came out of his office and stood directly behind Mr. Myers, looking suddenly murderous.
“I’m afraid you’ll have to settle for me,” Calhoun said tersely. “Abby’s my ward, and she doesn’t date older men.”
“Oops.” Myers stood up, grinning sheepishly. “Sorry, old son, I didn’t know.”
“No harm done,” Calhoun said carelessly, but his eyes were dark and cold and dangerous-looking. “Let’s go. Abby, I’ll want the latest progress report on his cattle when we get back.”
Only a few months before, Abby might have had some snappy reply to that, or she might have jumped back at Calhoun for acting so possessive. But now she just looked at him, feeling helpless and hungry and awash on a wave of longing because he was acting jealous.
He seemed to stop breathing, too. His dark eyes searched hers, aware of her embarrassment, her confusion. He let his gaze fall to her mouth and watched her lips part suddenly, and his body reacted in a way that shocked him.
“Lunch. Now.” Calhoun ushered the other cattleman to the door. “If you’ll get in the car, I’ll just get my hat and be right with you,” he told the man with a glued-on smile and a pat on the shoulder. “That’s right, you go ahead….” He turned to Abby, his expression unreadable. “I want to talk to you.” Calhoun took her arm and pulled her up, leading her into his office without a word. He closed the door, and the way he looked at her made her feel threatened and wildly excited all at the same time.
“Mr. Myers is waiting….” she faltered, disturbed by the darkness of his eyes as they met hers.
He moved toward her, and she backed up until his desk stopped her, her eyes riveted to his. Maybe he was going to make a declaration!
His chin lifted then, and it was anger that glinted in his dark eyes, not possessiveness. “Listen,” he said curtly, “Grey Myers has had three wives. He currently has at least one mistress. He’s forgotten more than you’ve had time to learn. I don’t want you to learn that kind of lesson with a professional Romeo.”
“I’m going to learn it with someone eventually,” she said, swallowing hard. Her body felt odd, taut and tingling all at once, because his was close enough that she could feel its warm strength.
“I know that,” he said impatiently, and his face hardened. “But I’d just as soon you didn’t join a queue. Myers is no serious suitor. He’s a playboy with a smooth manner, and he’d have you screaming for help five minutes after you were alone with him.”
So that was it. More big-brother responsibility. He wasn’t jealous, he was upset because his protective instincts had been aroused. She stared at the steady rise and fall of his chest in dull acceptance. Stupid me, she thought miserably, wishing for a star again.
“I wasn’t trying to lead him on,” she said finally. “I just smiled at him, like I smile at everyone—even you. I guess he thought I was sending out smoke signals, but I wasn’t, honestly.”
His face relaxed. “No harm done.” And then he moved. One long, powerful arm slid behind her, bringing his lips within an inch of hers. She almost moaned at the minty warmth of his breath on her mouth. Her gaze dropped to his mouth, curiously tracing every hard line of the thin upper lip and the more chiseled lower one. Her heart throbbed. Her breath seemed to stop altogether, and for one long instant she felt the full weight of his chest against her soft breasts in a contact that was shocking. She looked up at him with wide, stunned eyes.
Then he moved back, the hat he’d been reaching for in one hand, his eyes frankly amused at the look on her face. So she’d never thought of him that way, had she? It irritated him to think that she didn’t feel the new and very unwelcome attraction he was discovering for her. It was just as well that he had a business function tonight; it would keep his overimaginative brain away from Abby.
“Were you expecting something?” he asked coldly. “I just wanted my hat.” He watched a shadow pass across her eyes before she mumbled something and lowered her gaze. He put his Stetson on his thick blonde-streaked hair and tilted it over one eye. “I hired you to work here, not to send out signals, intentional or otherwise, to clients.”
“I hate you,” she said suddenly, sick of his accusations and his hateful remarks.
“Sure you do. What else is new?” He tapped her chin with a long finger. “Get busy.”
While she was still struggling with her composure he opened the door and went out without a backward glance.
Abby hardly got anything done for the next hour. She couldn’t remember a time when she’d felt so turned around, so confused. She was sure she hated Calhoun, but in an hour he’d be back, smiling, and then she’d forgive him. That was what made her so miserable, the knowledge that he could commit murder and she’d still love him. Damn this hateful attraction!
She took a half-hour break and went to the canteen and had a sandwich that she didn’t taste. She was barely back at her desk when Mr. Myers returned—with Justin instead of Calhoun.
She handed the progress reports to Justin, who herded Mr. Myers into his brother’s office, kept him there a scant ten minutes and then herded him out again. Abby kept her head down and didn’t even say hello. That was just as well, because Mr. Myers didn’t look in her direction.
Justin gave Abby a curious look afterward. “That’s unusual,” he remarked. “Calhoun called me out of a board meeting to have lunch and talk over that contract with Myers. Then he waltzed off and left me there. What’s going on?”
Abby cleared her throat. “Why, Justin, I have no idea,” she said, even managing a smile. Justin lifted an eyebrow, shrugged and went back into Calhoun’s office without another word. Abby stared after him, curious herself about Calhoun’s behavior. Then it occurred to her that maybe he just didn’t like Greg Myers, which led to the unpalatable thought that perhaps they’d fallen out over a woman. Maybe one of Myers’s mistresses…She turned back to her typewriter. She hated even thinking about that side of Calhoun’s life.
Justin was quiet for the rest of the afternoon, but he had plenty to say when Calhoun came in just before quitting time. The door was half-open, and Abby, who was the last of the office group to leave, got an earful as she was straightening up her desk.
“This has got to stop,” Justin was telling his brother. “One of the office girls told me that Myers got friendly with Abby just before you cleared out. It’s gotten to the point that Abby can’t even smile at a man without having you come down on her head like Judgment. She’s almost twenty-one. It isn’t fair to expect her to live like a recluse.”
“I wasn’t,” Calhoun said curtly. “I just warned her off him. My God, you know his reputation!”
“Abby’s no fool,” came the reply. “She’s a levelheaded person.”
“Sure, she’s proved that,” Calhoun said with biting sarcasm. “Going to a strip show—”
“It was not!” Abby called through the open door. “It was a male variety show.”
“My God, she’s standing out there listening!” Calhoun jerked the door all the way open, glaring at her. “Stop eavesdropping! It isn’t polite!”
“Stop talking about me behind my back, then,” she returned, picking up her purse. “I wouldn’t have gone out with a man like Grey Myers even to spite you, Calhoun. I know a line when I hear one.”
Calhoun glared at her. “I’m not sure it’s a good idea, your working here.”
Her eyebrows went up. “Really? Why?”
“The place is full of men,” Calhoun muttered, and Justin had to smother a grin.
Abby lifted her eyebrows and smiled. “Why, so it is,” she gushed. “Lovely, unshaven men who smell of cattle and cow chips. Sooo romantic,” she sighed.
Justin had turned away. Calhoun’s dark eyes were glittering.
“Myers didn’t smell of cow chips,” he reminded her.
She arched her eyebrows at him. “How interesting that you noticed,” she said in a theatrical whisper.
He looked as if he might throw something at her. “Will you cut that out?” he muttered.
She sighed. “Suit yourself. I was just trying to help. God forbid that I should be seduced by some strange, sweet-smelling man.”
“Go home!” Calhoun roared.
“My, my, what a nasty temper we’re in,” she said demurely. She reached for her purse, glancing back at him. “I’ll have Maria make you a nice bowl of razor-blade soup, just to keep your tongue sharp.”
“I won’t be home for supper, thank God,” Calhoun said coldly. “I’ve got a date,” he added, for no other reason than to irritate her. He didn’t like the idea of her knowing how much Myers’s flirting had upset him. He didn’t want her to know that he’d been so violently jealous that he couldn’t even trust himself to have lunch with the man and had had to call Justin to intervene.
But Abby didn’t know that, and she was sure that it was just Calhoun being overprotective as usual. It hurt her to hear about where he was going. Abby felt as if she were being choked to death. If only she were beautiful and blond, if only she could cope! But she managed to hide her emptiness. “That’s great, Calhoun, you just enjoy yourself while I sit home alone. I’ll never get a date as long as you’re two steps behind me.”
“Dream on,” Calhoun told her. “Hell will freeze over before you’d go out with a man like that.”
“There’s a little town called Hell, you know,” Abby told him. “It does snow there….”
“If I were you I’d go home, Abby,” Justin said, eyeing his brother. “It’s Friday night. You might find a nice movie to watch. Come to think of it, I just bought a new war movie. You can watch it with me if you want to.”
She smiled. Justin really was nice. “Thanks. I might do that, since my watchdog doesn’t want me out after dark,” she added with a glare at Calhoun. “I’ll bet Elizabeth the First had a guardian just like you!”
Justin caught Calhoun’s arm in the nick of time, and Abby took off running, her heart in her throat. It was odd how Calhoun, usually so easygoing, had turned explosive lately. She did goad him, of course, but she couldn’t help it. Fighting him was the only way she could stay sane and hide her feelings for him. If she ever started batting her eyelashes and sighing over him, he’d probably shoot her off the place like a bullet.
She started her car and drove home, all the fury dying into misery as she left the feedlot behind. What good was pretending? Her heart was broken, because Calhoun was going out with one of his women and she didn’t qualify for that title. She never would. She’d grow old with Calhoun patting her on the head. Once or twice she’d almost thought he felt something for her, that he’d begun to notice her. But if he had, he certainly wouldn’t be running all over the place with other women. And he wouldn’t ignore Abby unless she started a fight or got into trouble. She was his responsibility, of course. His headache. To him she was anything but a warm, attractive woman whom he might love eventually. That she’d never be.
By the time she got to the house, she felt sick all over, but a plan was beginning to form in her mind. If Calhoun thought she was giving in that easily, he was in for a shock. She could have a good time, too, even if she didn’t have a date. By golly, she’d get out and find herself one!
Chapter Three (#u541de333-9504-5525-9a5d-f86cb82825f9)
Abby ate a solitary meal. Justin was called to the phone shortly after they got home, and he told Maria to put his dinner on a tray so he could eat it while he watched the movie he’d bought. Calhoun had come home to change for his date, and Abby had made a beeline for her room and stayed there until after he’d left. She didn’t even care how it looked; she was sick at the thought of Calhoun with some faceless blonde. That was when she knew she had to break out, even if just for the evening.
She hadn’t started out to rebel. But she couldn’t sit home and watch the movie with Justin. She’d never hear a word of it; she’d just brood about Calhoun.
So she got dressed in slacks and a blouse and brushed her hair. Then she called Misty.
“How do you feel about helping me rebel?” she asked the older girl.
Misty laughed huskily. “You’re lucky my date canceled out. Okay. I’m game. What are we rebelling against?”
“Calhoun caught me at the revue last night and dragged me home,” Abby told her. “And today he…Well, never mind, but he set me off again. So tonight I thought I’d like to sample that new dance bar in Jacobsville.”
“Now that is an idea worthy of you, Abby. I’ll pick you up in fifteen minutes.”
“I’ll be ready.”
Abby ran downstairs, giving no thought at all to how Calhoun was going to react to this latest rebellion. Well, he had his woman, damn him. Horrible pictures of his bronzed body in bed with the faceless blonde danced in front of Abby’s eyes. No, she told herself, she wasn’t going to let Calhoun’s actions hurt her like that. She was going to get out and live!
She poked her head into the living room. Cigarette smoke drifted in front of a screen on which men in uniforms were blowing each other up.
“I’m going out with Misty,” she told Justin.
He glanced up from where he was sitting. His long legs were crossed over the coffee table, and he had a snifter of brandy in one hand and a cigarette in the other. “Okay, honey,” he said agreeably. “Stay out of trouble, will you? You and Calhoun are hell on the digestion lately, and he doesn’t seem to need much excuse to go for your throat.”
“I’ll behave. Misty and I are just going to that new dance place. I’ll be good, honest I will. Good night.”
“Good night.”
He went back to the bullets and bombs, and she closed the door with a sigh. Justin was so nice. He never tried to hog-tie her. Now why couldn’t Calhoun be like that? She felt murderous when she considered Calhoun’s possessiveness. She was entitled to a life that didn’t revolve around him. There was just no sense in wearing her heart out on his taciturn indifference. None at all!
Misty came ten minutes later. Thank God, Calhoun didn’t reappear. With a sigh of relief, Abby ran out to Misty’s little sports car, all smiles, her breaking heart carefully concealed from her all-too-perceptive girlfriend.
It was Friday night, and the Jacobsville Dance Palace was booming. It had a live Western band on the weekends, and while it did serve hard liquor, it wasn’t the kind of dive Calhoun had forbidden her to frequent. Not that she cared one whit about his strictures, of course.
Abby glanced apprehensively toward the doorway, across the crowded room where cigar and cigarette smoke made a gray haze under bright lights. The band’s rhythm shook the rafters. Couples danced on the bare wood floor, the men in Western gear, the women in jeans and boots.
“Calhoun won’t know you’re here, I tell you.” Misty laughed softly. “Honestly, it’s ridiculous the way he dogs your footsteps lately.”
“That’s what I keep telling him, but it does no good at all,” Abby replied miserably. “I just want to get out on my own.”
“I’m doing my best,” Misty assured her. “Any day now I’ll have some new apartment prospects for us to look at. I’ve got a real estate agent helping.”
“Good.” Abby sipped her drink, trying not to notice the blatant stare she was getting from the man at the next table. He’d been eyeing her ever since she and Misty had walked in, and he was giving her the willies. He looked about Calhoun’s age, but he lacked Calhoun’s attractive masculinity. This man was dark headed and had a beer belly. He wasn’t much taller than Abby, but what he lacked in height he made up in girth. He had a cowboy hat pulled low over his small eyes, and he was obviously intoxicated.
“He’s staring at me again,” Abby muttered. She lifted her gin and tonic to her lips, wondering at how much better it tasted every time she took a sip. She hated gin, but Misty had convinced her that she couldn’t sit at the table drinking ginger ale.
“Don’t worry,” Misty patted her arm. “He’ll give up and go away. There’s Tyler! Hi, Ty!”
Tyler Jacobs was tall and rangy-looking. He had green eyes and an arrogant smile, and Abby was a little afraid of him. But he didn’t carry his wealth around on his shoulders as some rich men did, and he wasn’t a snob, even though the town of Jacobsville took its name from his grandfather.
“Hello, Misty. Abby.” Tyler pulled out a chair and straddled it. “What are you doing here? Does Calhoun know?” he asked quietly.
Abby shifted restlessly in the chair and raised her glass to her lips again. “I am perfectly capable of drinking a drink if I want to,” she said, enunciating carefully because her tongue suddenly felt thick. “And Calhoun doesn’t own me.”
“Oh, my God,” Tyler sighed. He gave Misty a rueful glance. “Your doing, I gather?”
Misty blinked her long false lashes at Tyler, and her blue eyes twinkled. “I provided transportation, that’s all. Abby is my friend. I’m helping her to rebel.”
“You’ll help get her killed if you aren’t careful. Where’s Calhoun?” he asked Abby.
“Out with one of his harem,” she said with a mocking smile. “Not that I mind, as long as he’s out of my hair for the evening,” she added carelessly.
“He dragged her out of line at the male revue last night at the Jacobsville theater,” Misty explained. “We’re getting even.”
Tyler’s eyes widened. “You tried to see a male strip show? Abby!”
Abby glared at him. “Where else do you expect me to get educated? Calhoun wants me to wear diapers for the rest of my life. He doesn’t think I’m old enough to go on dates or walk across the street alone.”
“You’re like a kid sister to him,” Tyler said, defending his friend. “He doesn’t want you to get hurt.”
“I can get hurt if I like,” Abby grumbled. Her eyes closed. She was feeling worse by the second, but she couldn’t let on. Tyler was as bad as the Ballenger brothers. He’d have her out of here like a shot if he thought she was sick.
“What are you drinking?” Tyler asked, staring at her glass.
“Gin and tonic,” she replied, opening her eyes. “Want some?”
“I don’t drink, honey,” Tyler reminded her with a slow smile. “Well, I’ve got to pick up Shelby at the office. She had to work late tonight. Watch out for Abby, Misty.”
“Of course I will. Sure you won’t stay and dance with me?” Misty asked.
Tyler got up, his eyes worried as they trailed over Abby’s wan face. “Sorry. I don’t usually have to get Shelby, but her car was in the shop today and they didn’t finish with it.”
“Lucky Shelby, to have a brother like you,” Abby mumbled. “I’ll bet you don’t have a kamikaze pilot fly behind her when she goes to work, or a gang of prizefighters to walk her home after dark, or a whole crew of off-duty policemen to fend off her suitors….”
“Oh, boy,” Tyler sighed.
“Don’t worry,” Misty told him. “She’s fine. She’s just miffed at Calhoun, that’s all. Although how anybody could get upset at a dishy man like that being so protective—”
“Dishy isn’t a word I’d use to describe Calhoun if he finds Abby like that and thinks you’re responsible for it,” Tyler cautioned. “Have you ever seen him get angry?”
Misty pushed back her curly hair uncomfortably. “Justin’s temper is worse,” she reminded him.
Tyler lifted an eyebrow. “Don’t be so sure. They’re cut from the same cloth.” He touched Abby’s shoulder. “Don’t drink any more of that.” He gestured toward her drink.
“Whatever you say, Ty,” Abby said, smiling. “Good night.”
“Good night.”
He waved and left them there.
“I wonder what he was doing here,” Misty said, puzzled. “Since he doesn’t drink.”
“He may have been looking for somebody,” Abby murmured. “I guess a lot of cattlemen congregate around here on the weekends. This stuff is pretty good, Misty,” she added, taking another sip.
“You promised you wouldn’t,” she was reminded.
“I hate men,” Abby said. “I hate all men. But especially I hate Calhoun.”
Misty chewed her lower lip worriedly. Abby was starting to tie one on, and that wasn’t at all what Misty had had in mind. “I’ll be back in a minute, honey,” she promised, and got up to go after Ty. She had a feeling she was going to need his help to get Abby to the car, and now was the time to do it.
The minute she left, the burly, intoxicated man who’d been watching Abby for the past hour seized his opportunity. He sat down next to her, his small, pale eyes running hungrily over her.
“Alone at last,” he drawled. “My gosh, you’re a pretty thing. I’m Tom. I live alone and I’m looking for a woman who can cook and clean and make love. How about coming home with me?”
Abby gaped at him. “I don’t think I heard you?”
“If you’re here with a girlfriend, you’ve got to be out looking for it, honey.” He laughed drunkenly. “And I can sure give it to you. So how about it?” He put his pudgy-fingered hand on her arm and began to caress it. “Nice. Come here and give old Tom a kiss….”
He pulled her toward him. She protested violently, and in the process managed to knock her drink over onto him. He cursed a blue streak and stood up, holding her by the wrist, homicide in his drunken eyes.
“You did that on purpose,” he shot at her. “You soaked me deliberately! Well, let me tell you, lady, no broad pours liquor on me and gets away with it!”
Abby felt even sicker. He was hurting her wrist, and there was a deathly hush around them. She knew that most people didn’t involve themselves in this kind of conflict. She couldn’t fight this man and win, but what else was she going to do? She wanted to cry.
“Let her go.”
The voice was deep, slow, dangerous and best of all, familiar. Abby caught her breath as a tall, heavily built blond man came toward her, his dark, deep-set eyes on the man who had Abby’s wrist. He was in a gray vested suit and a dressy cream-colored Stetson and boots, but Abby knew the trappings of civilized company wouldn’t save this ruddy cretin if he didn’t turn her loose. Abby had seen Calhoun lose his temper, and she knew how hard he could hit when he did.
“What’s she to you?” the drunken cowboy demanded.
“My ward.”
Calhoun caught the smaller man’s wrist in a hard, cruel grasp and twisted. The man groaned and went down, holding his hand and cursing.
“Hey, you can’t do that to Tom!” one of the man’s cronies protested, standing up. He was almost Calhoun’s size, and a lot rougher-looking.
“Want to make something out of it, sonny?” Calhoun asked in a soft drawl that was belied by the dark glitter in his eyes.
“You bet I do!”
The younger man threw a punch, but he was too slow. Calhoun’s big fists put him over a table. He reached down and picked up the Stetson that the man’s blow had connected with and looked around the room as he ran his fingers through his thick, silky blond hair.
“Anybody else?” he invited pleasantly.
Eyes turned the other way, and the band started playing again. Then Calhoun looked down at Abby.
She swallowed. “Hi,” she said, and tried to smile. “I thought you were out on a date.”
He didn’t say a word, but his glittering eyes told her every single thing he was feeling. He wouldn’t admit for a minute that his dinner date was strictly business, or that he’d expected something like this after the argument he and Abby had had. She was giving him fits, but he didn’t let his expression show how concerned he really was.
“Did you see Misty?” she asked hopefully.
“Luckily for her, no,” he said in a tone that could have boiled ice water. “Get your purse.”
She fumbled on the chair beside hers for it, weak and shaky. He had a gift for intimidating people, she thought, watching him slam his Stetson over his eyes at a slant. The men who were picking themselves up off the floor didn’t seem anxious to tangle with him twice. It was amazing, she thought, how unruffled he looked for a man who’d just been in a fight.
He caught her arm and propelled her out of the bar and into the night air. Misty and Ty were standing just outside, both looking faintly apprehensive.
“It wasn’t all my fault, Cal,” Misty began in a subdued tone.
Calhoun eyed her coldly. “You know what I think of this so-called friendship. And I know the reason behind it, even if she doesn’t.”
Abby was puzzled by that remark. The cold, level look in Calhoun’s dark eyes and the uncomfortable flush in Misty’s pretty face didn’t add up.
“I’d better go get Shelby,” Ty said quietly. “I was going to offer to take Abby home, but under the circumstances I’m a bit relieved that you came along,” he told Calhoun.
“If Justin finds out you were in the same room with her, there’ll be hell to pay,” Calhoun agreed. “But thanks all the same.” He turned Abby toward his Jaguar. “I assume you rode into town with your girlfriend?” he added.
“We came in Misty’s car,” Abby murmured. She felt weary and a little sick. Now she really looked like a child, with all the concerned adults making a fuss over her. Tears burned in her eyes, which she was careful to keep hidden from the angry man beside her.
“Honest to God,” he muttered as he put her into the passenger seat and went around to get into the driver’s seat. “I don’t know what the hell’s wrong with you lately. Last night I find you in line at a male strip show, and tonight you’re getting drunk and eyeing strange men in bars!”
“I was not eyeing that lewd creature,” she said unsteadily. “And you can’t say I was dressed to invite his kind of comment. I’m not wearing anything that’s the least bit immodest!”
He glanced at her. “You were in a bar unescorted. That’s all the invitation that kind of man needs!”
She felt his gaze on her, but she wouldn’t look at him. She knew she’d cry if she did. She clasped her hands firmly in her lap and stared out the window instead as he started the car and headed for home.
It was a long ride, over deserted paved roads and dirt ones that led past the huge feedlot and then uphill to the house, which sat on a level plain about three miles away.
“Do you want me to carry you?” he asked stiffly as he helped her out of the car and she stumbled.
She pushed away from him as if she’d touched hot coals. “No, thank you.” He was making her more nervous than ever tonight. The scent of him filled her nostrils, all leathery and spicy and clean. She averted her eyes and walked as straight as she could toward the kitchen door. “Are you going to sneak me in the back way so that Justin doesn’t see me?” she challenged.
“Justin told me where to find you,” Calhoun said as he put the key in the lock and opened the back door. “He’s still watching his war movie.”
“Oh.” She walked through the door he was holding open for her. “I thought you were out on a date.”
“Never mind where I was,” he said curtly. “My God, I really must have radar.”
She flushed. Thank God he couldn’t see her face. She felt odd tonight. Frightened and nervous and a little unsure of herself. The gin had taken away some of her inhibitions, and she had to be careful not to let Calhoun see how vulnerable she felt when he came close to her.
She went in ahead of him, barely noticing the huge, spotless kitchen with its modern conveniences, or the hall, or the mahogany staircase she began to climb. Behind the closed living room door, bombs were going off in a softly muted way, indicating that Justin’s war movie was still running.
“Abby.”
She stopped, her back to him, trying not to show how nervous she felt. He was behind her, much too close, and she could smell the fresh, clean scent of his body and the spicy cologne he wore.
“What’s wrong, honey?” he asked.
His tone broke her heart. He used it with little things—a newborn kitten, or a filly he was working for the first time. He used it with children. He’d used it with Abby the day her mother had died in the wreck. It had been Calhoun who’d found her and broken the news to her and then held her while she cried. It was the tone he used when something was hurt.
She straightened, trying hard to keep her back straight and her legs under control. “That man…” she began, unable to tell him he was breaking her heart because he couldn’t love her.
“Damn that drunken—” He turned her, his strong hands gentle on her upper arms, his dark eyes blazing down into hers. He was so big, and none of it was fat. He was all muscle, lean and powerful, all man. “You’re all right,” he said softly. “Nothing happened.”
“Of course not,” she whispered miserably. “You rescued me. You always rescue me.” Her eyes closed, and a tear started down her cheek. “But hasn’t it occurred to you that I’m always going to land in trouble if you don’t let me solve my own problems?” She looked up at him through a mist. “You have to let go of me,” she whispered huskily, and her eyes reflected her heartbreak. “You have to, Calhoun.”
There was a lot of truth in what she said, and he didn’t really know how to respond. He worried about her. This strange restlessness of hers, this urge to run from him, wasn’t like Abby. She was melancholy, when for the past five years or more she’d been a vibrant, happy little imp, always laughing and playing with him, teasing him, making him laugh. She couldn’t know how somber the house had been when she’d first come to live with him and Justin. Justin never laughed anyway, and Calhoun had come to be like him. But Abby had brought the sunshine. She’d colored the world. He scowled down at her, wondering how she did it. She wasn’t pretty. She was plain, and she was serious a good bit of the time. But when she laughed…When she laughed, she was beautiful.
His hands contracted. “I wouldn’t mind if you’d go to conventional places,” he muttered. “First I catch you in line to watch a bunch of nude men parade around a stage, and the very next night you’re drinking gin and tonic in a bar. Why?” he asked, his deep voice soft with curiosity and concern.
She shifted. “I’m just curious about those things,” she said finally.
He searched her eyes quietly. “That isn’t it,” he replied, his own gaze narrowing. His hands shifted, gentle on her arms, Abby could feel their warmth through the fabric. “Something’s eating you alive. Can’t you tell me what it is?”
She drew in her breath. She’d almost forgotten how perceptive he was. He seemed to see right through to the bone and blood sometimes. She let her gaze drop to his chest, and she watched its lazy rise and fall under his gray vest. He was hairy under his shirt. She’d seen him once in a while on his way to or from the shower, and it had been all she could do not to reach out and run her hands over him. He had thick brown hair across his tanned chest, and it had golden tips where it curled. There was a little wave in his thick blond hair, not much, but enough that it was unruly around his ears. She let her gaze go up, feeding on him, lingering just above his dimpled chin at the thin but sensuous curve of his upper lip and the faintly square, chiseled fullness of his lower lip. He had a sexy mouth. His nose was sexy, too. Very straight and imposing. He had high cheekbones, and thick eyebrows on a jutting brow that shadowed his deep-set eyes. He had black eyes. Both the Ballengers did. But Calhoun was something to look at, and poor old Justin was as rangy-looking as a longhorn bull by comparison.
“Abby, are you listening to me?” Calhoun murmured, shaking her gently because her faintly intoxicated stare was setting his blood on fire.
Her eyes levered up to his, finding darkness in them, secrets, shadows. Her lips parted on a hopeless sigh. When Misty had told her last week about seeing him with some ravishing blonde up in Houston, it had knocked her for a loop, bringing home the true hopelessness of her situation. Calhoun liked sophisticated women. He’d never look twice at drab little Abby. Once Abby had faced that unpalatable fact, she’d been on a one-way road to misery. She’d been looking for an escape, last night and tonight, but she couldn’t find one. Wherever she turned, Calhoun was there, hounding her, not realizing how badly he was hurting her.
“What did you say?” she asked miserably.
His chest rose and fell roughly. “It’s hopeless trying to talk to you in this condition. Go to bed.”
“That’s just where I was headed,” she said.
She turned and started up the staircase ahead of him, her eyes burning with tears that she was too proud to let him see. Oh, Calhoun, she moaned inwardly, you’re killing me!
She went into her room and closed the door behind her. She almost locked it, but realized that would be a joke and a half. Locking a door against Calhoun was a hilarious idea. He’d as soon come looking for a lady vampire as to look at Abby with amorous intent. She started laughing as she went into the bathroom to bathe her face, and she almost couldn’t stop.
Chapter Four (#u541de333-9504-5525-9a5d-f86cb82825f9)
Abby managed to get into the silver satin night gown, but she couldn’t seem to fasten it in the front. The gown hung open over her full, firm breasts. She looked at herself in the mirror as she passed it, fascinated by the sophistication the unbuttoned state lent her. She looked oddly mature with the pink swell of her breasts blatantly revealed and her long hair tangled around her face. Then she laughed at her own fancy and stretched out on top of the pale pink coverlet on her canopied bed.
The whole room was decorated in shades of pink and white with blue accents. She loved it. The Ballengers had let her choose her own colors, and these were what she favored. Very feminine colors, even if she wasn’t a sophisticated blonde. She shifted restlessly on the cover, and the bodice of her gown came completely away from one breast. Her eyes closed. What did it matter, she thought as she drifted off to sleep. There was no one to see her.
No one except Calhoun, who eased the door open with an expression of concern in his dark eyes. He saw something that knocked the breath out of him.
Abby was barely conscious. She didn’t even open her eyes when he came into the room. It was just as well, because he knew he wouldn’t be lucid if he had to speak. He’d never thought of Abby as a woman, but the sight of her in that silky drift of silver fabric, with one exquisite breast completely bare and her slender body outlined to its best advantage, shot through him like fire.
He stood frozen in the doorway, facing for the first time the fact that Abby was an adult. No sane man who saw her lying there like that could ever think of her as a child again. And even as the thought formed he realized why he hadn’t been himself lately, why he’d deliberately antagonized her, why he’d been so overprotective. He…wanted her.
He closed the door absently behind him and moved closer to her. God, she was lovely! His face hardened as he stared down at her, helplessly feeding on the sensuous nudity she wasn’t even aware of.
He wondered if she’d ever let any of her dates see her like this, and a murderous rage stiffened his tall form. He hated the thought of that. Of another man looking at her, touching her, putting his mouth on that soft swell and searching for a tip that he could make hard with the warm pressure of his open mouth….
He shook himself. This wouldn’t do. “Abby,” he said tersely.
She stirred, but only to shift on the bed so that the whole damned bodice fell open. He actually trembled at the sweetness of her pretty pink breasts with their delicate mauve tips relaxed in sleep.
He muttered something explosive and forced himself to bend over her, to pull the fabric together and fasten it. His hands shook. Thank God she wasn’t awake to witness his vulnerability.
She moaned when his hard knuckles came into contact with her skin, and she arched slightly in her sleep.
His lips parted on a rough breath. Her skin was like silk, warm and sensuous. He gritted his teeth and caught the last button. Then he scooped her up in his arms and stood holding her propped on one knee while he tore the covers loose and stripped back the colorful pink patterned top sheet over the soft blue fitted one.
Her eyes blinked and opened lazily. She searched his hard face, smiling faintly. “I’m asleep,” she whispered, nuzzling close. Her sweet scent and the feel of her soft body in his arms overwhelmed him.
“Are you?” he asked, his voice deeper, huskier than he wanted it to be. He laid her down on the sheet, cupping the back of her head in his hand while he drew a pillow under it, his mouth just above hers.
Her hands were around his neck. He drew them down and pulled the covers up over her with a feeling of relief.
“I never had anybody tuck me in before,” she mumbled drowsily.
“Don’t expect a bedtime story,” he murmured, his deep voice lazy with forced humor. “You’re too young for the only ones I know.”
“I guess I am. Too young for everything. Much too young.” She sighed heavily, as her eyes closed. “Oh, Calhoun, I wish I was blond….”
“Now what brought that on?” he asked, but she was asleep again. He looked down at her softly flushed sleeping face, his eyes narrow and dark and thoughtful. After a minute he turned and went out, flicking off the light behind him.
Justin was coming out of the living room when Calhoun got back downstairs.
“Did you bring Abby home?” Justin asked his brother.
“Yes. She’s in bed. Dead drunk,” Calhoun added with a faintly amused smile. He’d already taken off his Stetson, along with his jacket and vest.
Justin’s dark eyes narrowed. “What’s wrong with you? Your lip is cut.”
“A slight altercation in the local bar and dance hall,” Calhoun said sardonically. He went to the brandy bottle and poured himself half a snifterful. He swirled it, staring into the glass. “Want one?”
Justin shook his head and lit a cigarette instead, ignoring Calhoun’s pointed glare of disapproval.
“What were you fighting about?”
Calhoun sipped his brandy. “Abby.”
Justin turned, his dark eyebrows arching. “Abby?”
“Misty Davies took her to a bar.”
“Last night a nude revue, tonight a bar.” Justin stared at his cigarette. “Something’s eating our girl.”
“I know. I just don’t know what. I don’t like what Misty’s doing, either, but I can’t tell Abby.”
Justin cocked his head as he drew on the cigarette. “She’s trying to get back at you through Abby, I gather.”
“Got it in one.” Calhoun raised the brandy snifter mockingly before he drained it. “She came on to me hard, and I turned her down. My God, as if I’d be crazy enough to seduce Abby’s best friend.”
“Misty should have known that. Is Abby all right?”
“I guess,” Calhoun said, not adding that he’d put her to bed himself or that she was the reason he was drinking, something he rarely did. “Some red-faced jackass was manhandling her.”
Justin whirled. “And?”
“I think I knocked one of his teeth out.”
“Good for you. All the same, she needs watching.”
“I’ll say amen to that. Shall we flip a coin?” Calhoun asked with pursed lips.
“Why should I interfere when you’re doing such a good job of looking out for her interests?” Justin asked, smiling faintly. His smile faded as he searched the younger man’s troubled eyes. “You do remember that Abby turns twenty-one in three months? And I think she’s already been apartment-hunting with Misty.”
Calhoun’s face hardened. “Misty will corrupt her. I don’t want Abby passed around like an hors d’oeuvre by some of Misty’s sophisticated boyfriends.”
Justin’s eyebrows arched. That didn’t sound like Calhoun. Come to think of it, Calhoun didn’t look like Calhoun. “Abby’s our ward,” he reminded his brother. “We don’t own her. We don’t have the right to make her decisions for her, either.”
Calhoun glared at him. “What do you want me to do, let her be picked up and assaulted by any drunken cowboy who comes along? Like bloody hell I will!”
He turned on his heel and walked out of the room. Justin pursed his thin lips and smiled softly to himself.
* * *
Abby woke the next morning with a headache and a feeling of impending doom. She sat up, clutching her head. It was seven o’clock, and she had to be to work by 8:30. Even now, breakfast would be underway downstairs. Breakfast. She swallowed her nausea.
She got out of bed unsteadily and went into the bathroom to wash her face and brush her teeth. She managed that and felt much better. As she started to get out of her gown, she noticed that the buttons were fastened. Odd. She was sure she’d left the thing unbuttoned. Oh, well, she must have gotten it buttoned and climbed in under the covers sometime before dawn.
It was Saturday, but ordinarily the feedlot stayed open. The cattle still had to be looked after, and the paperwork had to be done no matter what day it was. Abby had gotten used to the long work week, and it was just routine not to have her Saturdays free. She could get off at noon sometimes if she needed to go somewhere. But that hadn’t been her habit in recent months. She was hungry for the sight of Calhoun, and he was there most weekends.
She got into a pale gray suit with a blue silk print blouse and put her hair into a French twist. She used a little makeup—not much—and slid her nylon-encased feet into tiny stacked high heels. Well, she was no ravishing beauty, that was for sure, but she wouldn’t disgrace herself. She was going down with all flags flying. Calhoun would be mad as fury, and she couldn’t let him see how pale she was.
The Ballenger brothers were both at the table when she got downstairs. Calhoun glanced at her, his gaze odd and brooding, as she sat between him and Justin.
“It’s about time,” he said curtly. “You look like hell, and it serves you right. I’ll be damned if I’ll have you passing out in bars with that Davies woman!”
“Please, Calhoun, not before I eat,” Abby murmured. “My head hurts.”
“No wonder,” he shot back.
“Stop cussing at my breakfast table,” Justin told him firmly.
“I’ll stop when you do,” Calhoun told his brother, just as firmly.
“Oh, hell,” Justin muttered, and bit into one of Maria’s fluffy biscuits.
Ordinarily that byplay would have made Abby smile, but she felt too dragged-out to care. She sipped black coffee and nibbled at buttered toast, refusing anything more nourishing.
“You need to take some aspirins before you go to work, Abby,” Justin said gently.
She managed to smile at him. “I will. I guess gin isn’t really my drink.”
“Liquor isn’t healthy,” Calhoun said shortly.
Justin’s eyebrows lifted. “Then why were you emptying my brandy bottle last night?”
Calhoun threw down his napkin. “I’m going to work.”
“You might offer Abby a lift,” Justin suggested with a strangely calculating expression.
“I’m not going directly to the feedlot,” Calhoun said. He didn’t want to be alone with Abby, not after the way he’d seen her the night before. He could hardly look at her without remembering her lying across that bed….
“I’m not through with breakfast,” Abby replied, hurt that Calhoun didn’t seem to want her company. “Besides,” she told Justin with a faint smile, “I can drive. I didn’t really have all that much to drink.”
“Sure,” Calhoun replied harshly, dark eyes blazing. “That’s why you passed out on your bed.”
Abby knew she’d stopped breathing. Justin was pouring cream into his second cup of coffee, his keen eyes on the pitcher, not on the other occupants of the room. And that was a good thing, because Abby looked up at Calhoun with sudden stark knowledge of what he’d seen the night before and had her fears confirmed by the harsh stiffening of his features.
She blushed and started, almost knocking over her cup. So she had gone to sleep on the covers. Calhoun found her with her bodice undone, he’d seen her—
“Never mind breakfast. Let’s go,” Calhoun said suddenly, his lean hand on the back of her chair. “I’ll take you to the feedlot before I do what I have to. You’re not fit to drive.”
Justin was watching now, his gaze narrow and frankly curious as it went from Abby’s red face to Calhoun’s taut expression.
That look was what decided Abby that Calhoun was the lesser of the two evils. She couldn’t tell Justin what had happened, but he’d have it out of her in two seconds if she didn’t make a run for it. Calhoun must have realized that, too.
He took her arm and almost pulled her out of the chair, propelling her out of the room with a curt goodbye to his brother.
“Will you slow down?” she moaned as he took the steps two at a time. “My legs aren’t long enough to keep up with you, and my head is splitting.”
“You need a good headache,” he muttered without a glance in her direction. “Maybe it will take some of the adventure out of your soul.”
She glared at his broad back in silence as she followed him to the Jaguar and got into the passenger seat.
He started the car and reversed it, but he didn’t go toward the feedlot. He went down the driveway, turned off onto a ranch road that wasn’t much more than a rut in the fenced pastures and cut off the engine on a small rise.
He didn’t say anything at first. He rested his lean hands on the steering wheel, studying them in silence, while Abby tried to catch her breath and summon enough nerve to talk to him.
“How dare you come into my room without knocking,” she whispered after a long minute, her voice sounding husky and choked.
“I did knock. You didn’t hear me.”
She bit her lower lip, turning her gaze to the yellowish-brown pastures around them.
“Abby, for God’s sake, don’t make such an issue out of it,” he said quietly. “Would you rather I’d left you like that? What if Justin had come to wake you, or Lopez?”
She swallowed. “Well, I guess they’d have gotten an eyeful,” she said, her voice unsteady. After a minute, her face flushed, she turned toward him and asked plaintively, “Calhoun…I wasn’t uncovered all the way, was I?”
He looked into her eyes and couldn’t quite manage to look away. She was lovely. He reached out involuntarily and touched the side of her neck, his fingers tender and exquisitely arousing.
“No,” he managed, watching the relief shadow her eyes as he told the lie with a straight face. “I buttoned you back up and tucked you in.”
She let out a hard breath. “Thank you.”
His fingers moved up to her cheek. “Abby, have you ever let a man see your breasts?” he asked unexpectedly.
She couldn’t handle a remark that intimate. She dropped her eyes and tried to catch her breath.
“Never mind, tenderfoot,” he chided softly. “I can guess.”
“You mustn’t talk like that,” she whispered.
“Why?” he mused, tilting her chin up so that her shocked eyes met his. “You’re the one trying to grow up, aren’t you? If you want me to treat you like an adult, Abby, then this is part of it.”
She shifted nervously. He made her feel so gauche it was ridiculous. She twisted her purse out of shape, afraid to meet the dark eyes that were relentlessly probing her face.
“Don’t,” she pleaded breathlessly, and her eyes closed.
“Are you really afraid of me?” he asked, his voice deeper, silkier.
He touched her mouth with a lean forefinger and she actually jumped, her eyes flashing open, all her hidden hungers and fears lying vulnerable there. And that was when his self-control fell away. She was hungry for him. Just as hungry as he was for her. Was that why she’d been so restless, because she’d become attracted to him and was trying to hide it? He had to know.
She couldn’t answer him. She felt as if he were trying to see inside her mind. “I’m not afraid of you. Can’t we go?”
“What are you trying to do?” he whispered, leaning closer, threatening her lips with his. “Block it out? Pretend that you aren’t hungry for my mouth?”
Her heart went wild at the soft question. If he didn’t stop, she was going to go in headfirst. He could be playing, and to have him tease her without meaning it would kill her. Her fingers touched his shoulder, pushed experimentally against the hard muscle under the soft fabric of his suit. They trembled there as her eyes suddenly tangled with his and her mouth echoed the faint tremor of her body.
He stared at her. It was a kind of exchange that Abby had never experienced before. A level, unblinking, intense look that curled her toes and made her heart race. Very adult, very revealing. His dark eyes held hers, and his lean fingers traced up and down her soft throat, arousing, teasing. His hard mouth moved closer to hers, hovering above it so that she could feel his warm, minty breath on her parted lips, so that she was breathing him.
“Cal…houn,” she whispered, her voice breaking on a hungry sob.
She heard his intake of air and felt his hand curl under her long hair, powerful and warm, cradling her nape to tilt her head up.
“This has been coming for a hell of a long time, baby,” he whispered as his head bent and he started to give in to the hunger that had become a fever in his blood. “I want it as much as you do….”
He leaned even closer, but just as his hard mouth started down over hers, before his lips touched her pleading ones, the sound of an approaching vehicle broke them apart like an explosion.
Calhoun felt disoriented. He looked in the rearview mirror and saw one of the ranch trucks coming up behind, but it took a moment to register. He was having trouble breathing. His body felt rigid, like drawn cord.
He glanced at Abby. She’d moved away and the realization that she was trembling brought home the total shock of what he’d been about to do. Damn it, she’d knocked him for a loop without even trying. That made him mad, and so, ironically, did the fact that she’d given in so easily. It infuriated him even more that he’d been about to kiss her. He didn’t want complications, damn it, and Abby was the biggest he’d ever faced. Was she vulnerable because she wanted him or just because she’d suddenly discovered that she was a woman and wanted to experiment?
“We’d better get to work,” he said tersely, starting the Jaguar. He drove down the path, waving to the men in the vehicle behind them. He cut off at the next dirt road, and minutes later they were at the feedlot. “Go on in. I’ve got to drive over to Jacobsville and talk to our attorney for a few minutes,” he said as coolly as he could. That was a bald-faced lie, but he needed time to get hold of himself. He was as tense as a boy with his first woman, and he was losing his sense of humor. He didn’t want Justin to see him like this and start asking embarrassing questions.
“All right,” Abby said, her voice faltering.
He glanced at her with narrowed eyes. She’d give the show away all by herself if she went inside looking like that. “Nothing happened,” he said shortly. “And nothing will,” he added, his voice cold, “if you can manage to stop looking at me like a lovesick calf!”
A sob tore from her throat. Her wide, hurt eyes sought his and quickly fell away. She opened the door and got out, closing it quietly behind her. She straightened and walked toward the office without looking back.
Calhoun almost went after her. He hadn’t wanted to say that to Abby, of all people, but he was off balance and terrified of what he might do to her if she kept looking at him that way. He couldn’t make love to her, for God’s sake. She was a child. She was his ward. Even as he told himself that, a picture formed in his mind of Abby lying on the bed with her breasts bare. He groaned and jerked the car into gear, sending it flying down the road.
Abby didn’t know how she got through the day. It was impossible to act as if nothing had happened, but since Justin knew she had a hangover he didn’t question her pale complexion or her unusually quiet demeanor. And Calhoun didn’t come back to the office. That was a godsend. Abby didn’t think she could have borne seeing him after what he’d said to her.
“You need a diversion,” Justin remarked later in the day, just about quitting time. “How about a steak in Houston? I’ve got to meet a man and his wife to talk about a new lot of stocker calves, and I’d hate to go alone.”
He was smiling, and Abby warmed to his gentle affection. Justin wasn’t the cold creature most people thought him. He was just a sad, lonely man who should have married and had several children to spoil.
“I’d like that very much,” Abby said honestly. It would be nice to go out to dinner, especially if it meant she could avoid Calhoun. Of course, it was Saturday night. He wasn’t usually home on Saturday nights anyway, but it would be so much better if she didn’t have to dread seeing him.
“Good,” Justin said, rising. “We’ll get away about six.”
Abby wore a soft burgundy velour dress. It had a slightly flared knee-length skirt and bishop sleeves, and a neckline that was V-shaped and not at all suggestive. She wore black accessories with it and, because it had turned cold, her heather-colored wool cape.
“Very nice,” Justin said, smiling. He had on dark evening clothes and looked elegant and sophisticated, as he always did on the rare occasions when he dressed up.
“I could return the compliment,” Abby said. She clutched her purse, sending a restless look down the hall.
“He won’t be home,” Justin told her, intercepting her worried glance. “I gather the two of you had another falling-out?”
She sighed. “The worst yet,” she confessed, unwilling to tell him any of the details. She looked up at him. “Calhoun acts as if he hates me lately.”
Justin searched her eyes quietly. “And you don’t know why,” he mused. “Well, give it time, Abby. Rome wasn’t built in a day.”
She blinked. “I don’t understand.”
He laughed softly and took her arm. “Never mind. Let’s get going.”
Houston was big and sprawling and flat as a pancake, but it had a very special personality and Abby loved it. At night it was as colorful as Christmas, all jewel lights and excitement.
Justin took her to a small, intimate dinner club where they met the Joneses, Clara and Henry. They owned a small ranch in Montana where they raised stocker calves to supply to feedlots. They were an older couple but full of fun, and Abby liked them instantly. She and Clara talked fashion while Justin and Henry talked business. Abby was really having a good time until she glanced across the room and saw a familiar face on the cozily intimate dance floor.
Calhoun! Her eyes widened as she followed his blond head through the crowd until there was a clear space. Then she saw the ravishing blonde with him. He was holding the woman, who was at least his own age, with both hands at her waist, and she was curled up against him as if they’d been dancing together for years. They were smiling at each other like lovers.
Abby felt sick. She could almost feel herself turning green. If Calhoun had worked at it for years, he couldn’t have hurt her any worse. Coming on the heels of the insulting remark he’d made just a few hours earlier, it was a death blow. This was his kind of woman, Abby realized. Sleek, beautiful, sophisticated. This was one of his shadowy lovers. One of the women he never brought home.
“What’s wrong, Abby?’ Justin asked suddenly. But before she could answer he followed her gaze to the dance floor, and something in his dark eyes became frightening, dangerous.
“Isn’t that Calhoun?” Henry Jones grinned. “Well, well, let’s get him over here, Justin, and see what he thinks of our proposition.” Before anyone could stop him, he got up and headed for the dance floor.
“Mrs. Jones, shall we go to the powder room?” Abby asked with a pale but convincing smile.
“Certainly, dear. Excuse us, won’t you, Justin?” the white-haired woman asked politely, and started out of the restaurant ahead of Abby.
Justin unexpectedly caught Abby’s upper arm and drew her back. “Don’t panic,” he said quietly. “I’ll get you out of here as soon as I can. Do you want a drink?”
She looked up, almost in tears at his unexpected understanding. “Could I have a piña colada with just a little rum?” she asked.
“I’ll order it. Keep your chin up.”
She smiled at him softly. “Thanks, big brother,” she said gently.
He grinned. “Any time. Get going.”
She glanced away in time to catch Calhoun’s dark eyes. She nodded her head at him and turned away with no apparent haste.
Ten minutes later, she and Mrs. Jones returned to find Calhoun about to leave the table, the blonde still clinging to his arm. He looked up at Abby. His face was unreadable, but there was something in his expression that disturbed her. She wasn’t about to let it show, though. Lovesick calf, indeed. She’d show him, by gosh.
She smiled. “Hi, Calhoun!” she said easily, sliding into the chair next to Justin’s. “Isn’t this a nice place? Justin decided I needed a night on the town. Wasn’t that sweet of him?” She picked up her piña colada and took a big sip, relieved to find that it had barely enough rum to taste and even more relieved that her hand didn’t shake and betray her shattered nerves.
“She’s a big girl now,” Justin told his brother, leaning back in his chair arrogantly and daring Calhoun to say a word. His cool smile and level, cold stare had a real impact, even on his brother.
But Calhoun didn’t look any too pleased at the implication of the remark, especially when Justin slid an arm around Abby’s shoulders. In fact, Calhoun seemed almost ready to leap forward and shake his brother loose from Abby.
“I’m tired,” the blonde sighed, nuzzling her face against Calhoun’s arm. “I need some sleep. Eventually,” she teased gently, with a meaningful look at Calhoun’s rigid expression.
Abby lifted her chin, looking straight at him. “Enjoy yourself, big brother,” she said with forced gaiety. She even managed a smile. Thank God for Justin. She lifted her glass, took a sip of her drink and winked at the blonde, who smiled at her, obviously thinking Abby was a relative and no threat even if she wasn’t.
Calhoun was trying to find his voice. The sight of Abby with his brother was killing him. He hadn’t even considered that possibility. And while Justin might not be a playboy, he was a mature, very masculine man, and he had, after all, attracted a beauty like Shelby Jacobs.
Calhoun hadn’t meant to ask the blonde out. She was a last-ditch stand against what he was feeling for Abby, and a very platonic one at that. He didn’t even want her physically; she was just someone to talk to and be with who didn’t threaten his emotions. But he’d never thought Abby might see him with her. It cut him to the bone, embarrassed him. Did Abby care? Try as he might, he couldn’t find the slightest hint of jealousy in her face. She was wearing more makeup than usual, and that dress suited her. She looked lovely. Had Justin noticed?
“I said, I’d really like to go home, Cal,” the blonde drawled, laughing. “Can we, please? I’ve had a long day. I’m a model,” she added. “And we had a showing this afternoon. My feet are killing me, however unromantic that sounds.”
“Of course,” Calhoun said quietly. He took her arm. “I’ll see you later,” he told Justin.
“Sure you will,” Justin mused, his tone amused and unbelieving, and he smiled at the blonde, who actually blushed.
Calhoun noticed then how Abby reacted to the remark. She lowered her eyes, but her slender hand was shaking as it held the piña colada. He felt murderous. He wanted to pick her up and carry her out of here, out of Justin’s reach.
But Justin had his arm around Abby, and he tightened it. “We may be late,” Justin told his brother. “So don’t wait up if you beat us home. I thought I might take Abby dancing,” he added with narrowed eyes and the arrogant smile Calhoun hated.
“Yes, I’d like that,” Abby told him, smiling.
Calhoun felt his throat contracting. He managed a smile, too, but not a normal one. “Good night, then,” he said tautly. He hardly heard what the others said as he escorted the blonde out of the restaurant.
“It’s all right,” Justin told Abby, his voice quiet. “They’ve gone.”
She looked up, her eyes full of tears. “You know, don’t you?”
“How you feel, you mean?” he asked gently. He nodded. “Just don’t let him see it, honey. He’s still got a wild streak, and he’ll fight it like hell even if he feels what you do. Give him time. Don’t hem him in.”
“You know a lot about men,” she said, sniffing into the tissue she took from her purse.
“Well, I am one,” he replied. “Dry your eyes, now, and we’ll take the long way home. That ought to give him hell. He hated the very idea of your being out with me.”
“Really?”
He smiled at her expression. “Really. Chin up, girl. You’re young. You’ve got time.”
“What do I do in the meantime? He’s driving me crazy.”
“You might consider looking for that apartment,” he said. “I hate to see you move out, but it may be the only answer eventually.”
“I’d already decided that.” She wiped her eyes. “But he hates the idea of my rooming with Misty.”
“So do I,” he remarked honestly. “Did you know that she made a pass at Calhoun and he turned her down?”
“Can’t I trust anybody?” she moaned. “Aren’t there any women who don’t like him?”
“A few, here and there,” he mused, his dark eyes twinkling. “I think you might do better to find a room in somebody’s house. But that’s your decision,” he added quietly. “I’m not going to tell you what to do. You’re old enough to decide alone.”
“Thanks, Justin,” she said gently. She smiled. “You’ll make some lucky girl a nice husband one day.”
His expression hardened, and the humor went out of his dark eyes. “That’s a mistake I won’t make,” he said. “I’ve had my fill of involvement.”
“You never asked about Shelby’s side of it,” Abby reminded him. “You wouldn’t even listen, Calhoun said.”
“She said it all when she gave me back the ring. And I don’t want to discuss it, Abby,” he cautioned, his eyes flashing warning signals as he rose. “I talk to no one about Shelby. Not even you.”
She backed down. “Okay,” she said gently. “I won’t pry.”
“Let’s go,” he said, reaching for the check. “We’ll take two hours getting home, and I hope Calhoun has kittens when we get there.”
“I doubt he’ll notice,” Abby said miserably. “She was very pretty.”
“Looks don’t count in the long run,” he replied. He looked at Abby. “Odd, isn’t it, how embarrassed he was when you saw him with her?”
She turned away. “I’m tired. But it was a lovely dinner. Thank you.”
He lifted an eyebrow. “Don’t thank me. I had a good time. It beats watching movies at home, anyway.” He chuckled gently.
Abby wanted to ask him why he never dated anyone and whether he was still carrying a torch for Shelby Jacobs after six years. Calhoun had said he was, but Justin was a clam when it came to his private life. And Abby wasn’t about to pry any further. She wasn’t that brave, not even with a piña colada inside her.
Chapter Five (#ulink_bb2f0696-3ce3-5acd-b62f-ed7a85058c0d)
Abby was miserable by the time they got home. She’d done nothing but think of Calhoun and the model. Justin had been kind, talking as if she were really listening to him. But she was reliving those few tempestuous minutes in Calhoun’s Jaguar, when he’d come so close to kissing her and then had insulted her so terribly. She didn’t understand his hot-and-cold attitude or his irritability. She didn’t understand anything anymore.
Justin parked his elegant black Thunderbird in the garage, and Abby was surprised to find Calhoun’s Jaguar already there.
“Well, well, look who’s home,” Justin murmured, glancing at Abby. “I guess he felt like an early night.”
“Maybe he was exhausted,” Abby said coldly.
Justin didn’t comment, but he seemed highly amused and smug about something.
Calhoun was in the living room with the brandy bottle when they got home. He was down to his white shirtsleeves, which he’d rolled up to his elbows. His shirt was almost completely open in front, and Abby had to bite her lip to keep from staring helplessly at the broad expanse of his muscular chest. He was the most sensuous man she’d ever known, so powerful and tall and huge. Just the sight of him made her body tingle.
“So you finally brought her home,” Calhoun shot at his brother. “Do you know what time it is?”
“Sure,” Justin said imperturbably. “It’s two o’clock in the morning.”
“What were you doing?”
Justin cocked an eyebrow. “Oh, riding around. And things. Night, Abby,” he said, and winked at her before he turned and went up the staircase.
Abby felt as if she’d been poleaxed. Now why had Justin said that? It had made Calhoun look frankly murderous. She cleared her throat.
“I think I’ll go up, too.” She started to turn, only to have her arm caught in a viselike grip by huge warm fingers and be pulled into the living room.
Calhoun slammed the door behind her, his chest heaving with rough breaths. His dark eyes were really black now, glittering, dangerous, and his sensuous mouth was a thin, grim line.
“Where were you?” he demanded. “And doing what? Justin’s thirty-seven, and he’s no boy.”
She stared at him blankly. The sudden attack had knocked the wind out of her for a minute, but then her temper came to the rescue.
“That blonde you were out with was no schoolgirl, either,” she replied as calmly as she could, even though her knees were shaking under her. She leaned back against the door for support.
His heavy brows drew together. “My private life is none of your business,” he said defensively.
“Of course not,” she agreed. “You’ve already said that you didn’t want me hanging around you like a lovesick calf, and I’m doing my best not to,” she added, although it hurt terribly to try to make light of that hurtful remark.
His heavy shoulders made a jerky movement as he looked at her and away again, as if her answer made him uncomfortable. “Justin’s too old for you.”
“Bullfeathers,” she replied, lifting her chin. “You’ve objected to every other man I’ve ever gone out with, but you can’t object to your own brother. Justin would never hurt me, and you know it.”
He did know it, but that didn’t help. He was dying at the thought of Abby and Justin together.
“Oh, for God’s sake!” he burst out, lost for words.
She took a steadying breath, though her heart was still doing a tango in her chest. “Why should it matter to you what I do?” she challenged him. “And you’re a fine one to sit in judgment on other people! My gosh, Calhoun, everybody in the world knows what a playboy you are!”
He glared at her, trying to keep his temper. “I’m not a playboy,” he said tersely. “I may date women occasionally—”
“Every night,” she returned. Even though she knew her assertion wasn’t completely true, she was too angry to split hairs. “Not that I mind,” she added with a cold smile. “I don’t care who you go out with, as long as you stop poking your nose into my business. I’ll date whom I please, Calhoun, and if you don’t like it, you know what you can do!”
He started to tell her what she could do, but before he could get the words out she’d jerked the door open and gone out and up the staircase.
“If you stay out until two o’clock in the morning again, with or without Justin, I’ll take a tree limb to you!” Calhoun yelled up the stairs.
Abby made a sound that almost drove him crazy. He muttered something obscene and went back into the living room, slamming the door so hard it shook the room.
Damn women! He could have screamed at the effect she was having on him lately. She was ruining his love life, ruining his business life. All he did was think about her damned pretty breasts….
Abby cried herself to sleep. It had been a rotten evening altogether, and every time she thought of Calhoun kissing that model she got sicker. She hated him. She hated every bone in his body, and she most especially hated his possessiveness. She had to find an apartment. She had to get away. After tonight it was going to be just plain horrible trying to stay in the same house with Calhoun until her birthday.
The next morning she slept late. She usually got up and went to church, but this time she played hooky. She didn’t want to risk running into Calhoun.
But as it was, there was nothing to worry about. When she finally went downstairs at lunchtime, wearing jeans and a beige knit top, her hair in a ponytail, Calhoun was nowhere in sight.
“Good morning,” Justin said from the head of the table, smiling faintly. “How did it go last night?”
“Don’t ask,” she groaned. She sat down and glanced nervously at the door. “Is he here?”
He shook his head and filled his cup with coffee then passed the carafe to Abby. “He’s still asleep,” he said. That was surprising, because Calhoun was usually up early. Justin actually grinned then. “What happened?”
“He thinks I should be in before two o’clock in the morning, even if he isn’t,” she said calmly. “And you’re too old for me,” she added with a faint grin, eyeing him.
He chuckled. “What else?”
“He’s going crazy, Justin,” she said. “I don’t know what’s gotten into him lately. It can’t be his love life—his model seemed to be more than willing,” she added cattily.
Justin looked at her, but he didn’t reply. He poured cream into his coffee. “Oh, I almost forgot. Misty phoned. Something about having an apartment she wanted you to look at today if you want to go with her.”
“Yes, I think I do,” she murmured with a cold glance at the staircase.
“You know I don’t approve of Misty as your prospective roommate,” Justin told her honestly. “But it’s your decision.”
“You’re a nice man.”
“I’m glad you think so. Obviously my brother thinks I’m as big a rake as he is.” He chuckled.
“Thank God you aren’t,” she sighed. “One in the family is enough!”
“If you’re going out, you’d better wear a jacket,” Justin warned. “I stepped out to get the paper and almost froze in place.”
Abby sighed again. “And they keep saying spring is just around the corner.”
She finished her breakfast and called Misty to tell her she’d be right over. Then she returned to her room to get her burgundy velour jacket. She was looping the last button when she turned to the open door and found Calhoun standing there, looking at her broodingly.
He’d just showered. He was bare chested, and his blond hair was damp. But Abby’s eyes stopped at his brawny chest in helpless appreciation of the sheer masculinity of him. He leaned idly against the doorjamb, and muscles rippled under the wedge of thick brown hair that ran down into the wide belt around his slender hips. He didn’t smile, and his dark eyes had heavy circles underneath them. He looked as tired as Abby felt.
“Where are you going now?” he asked coldly.
“Out to look at apartments,” she said carelessly. “In a little over two and a half months I’ll be needing one.”
“How does Justin feel about that?” he asked, his eyes narrowing angrily.
“Justin isn’t the one who’s trying to keep me in a cage,” she replied. She was tired of the whole thing, of his unreasonable anger and even of Justin playing cupid. “Look, Justin just took me out for a meal. He didn’t park the car and try to make love to me. He isn’t that kind of man, and you should be ashamed of yourself for thinking he is. Justin’s like a brother to me. Just…as you are,” she finished, averting her eyes. “I don’t have romantic thoughts about either one of you.”
“And that’s a damned lie,” he said in a cold tone. He jerked away from the door, slamming it behind him, bringing her shocked eyes to him as he advanced toward her. “I’m no more your brother than I’m your great-uncle.”
She backed up into a chair, swerved and made it to the wall. He looked dangerous, and she didn’t know how to handle this lightning mood switch.
“That’s what you want me to be,” she said accusingly, pressing against the cold wall. “You want me to be a kid sister and not get in your way or make eyes at you—”
“My God, I don’t know what I want anymore,” he ground out as he placed his big hands on either side of her head, his body too close, too sensuous, too deliciously masculine. The scent of him filled her nostrils, excited her senses. She could see the tiny golden tips of the hair on his chest now, glittering in the light. Glittering…like the dark, intent eyes that caught hers and held them.
“Calhoun, I have to go,” she said, her voice faltering.
“Why?” he asked.
She could see him breathing. His chest rose and fell roughly, as if he were having a hard time getting air in and out. She felt that way herself. He was too close, and her vulnerability was going to start showing any minute. She couldn’t bear to have him see her weakness and make fun of it.
“Stop it,” she whispered huskily, closing her eyes. “Damn you, stop…oh!”
He had her mouth under his so smoothly and easily that her heart seemed to stop beating. He wasn’t gentle, either. It was as if the feel of her soft body under his made him wild, made him hungry.
In fact, he was starving for her. He leaned down so that his hips and thighs were fully against her, so that his bare chest was against the velour of her jacket. He didn’t like not being able to feel her breasts, so he snapped open the buttons of the jacket and pushed the material aside. He felt her gasp as her breasts pressed against him, and he groaned, marveling at the warm softness of her. Nudging her lips apart, he nipped sensuously at the lower one. That was arousing, too, and he wanted her. He wanted her mouth as he wanted her soft, sweet young body. His tongue pushed into her mouth, past her lips, tangling with her own, and he groaned and gave her his full weight, pressing her against the wall.
Abby was frightened. She hadn’t expected anything quite so adult, and she’d never been kissed by anyone who had any expertise. Calhoun was experienced, and he was kissing her as if she knew all the answers, too. But she didn’t. The feel of his body in such unfamiliar intimacy was embarrassing, and his mouth was doing shocking things to her own. She pushed at his chest, afraid of his lack of control.
“No!” she whimpered.
He barely heard her. His mind was spinning, his body in torment. He managed to lift his head, breathing roughly, and look down at her. But the passion and delight he had expected to see in her pale eyes was missing. They were wide, but not with desire. With…fear!
He scowled. Her hands were on his chest, but they were pushing, not caressing, and she was crying.
“Abby,” he whispered gently. “Honey…”
“Let me…go,” she sobbed brokenly. “Oh, let me go!” She pushed again, harder.
This time he flexed his hands against the wall and pushed away from her, leaving her cold, empty. She moved past him, putting half the length of the room between them. So that—that!—was what passion felt like. She shivered a little at the memory. Her mouth hurt where his had ground against it, and her breasts were sore from the hard pressure of his chest. He hadn’t even tried to be gentle. She stared at him accusingly, her eyes bright with tears as she drew her jacket closer and shivered.
Calhoun felt as if he’d been hit in the head with a hammer. Her reaction hadn’t been anything like what he’d expected. He’d almost kissed her once before, and she’d been yielding then, willing. But now she looked as if she hated him.
“You hurt me,” she whispered shakily.
He was lost for words. Concerned, he stared at her, his dark eyes quiet on her wan face. She looked as if she had never experienced a man’s passion. Was that possible? Could any woman be that unawakened in this day and age?
“Haven’t you ever been kissed?” he asked softly.
“Of course I have,” she replied stiffly. “But not…not like that!”
His eyebrows went up. At last he was catching one. “My God,” he said huskily. “Abby, adults kiss that way!”
“Then I don’t want to be an adult,” she returned, coloring. “Not if I have to be mauled like that!”
He watched her turn and leave the room, and he was powerless to stop her. Her reaction had floored him completely. He’d expected her to know a little about lovemaking, at least, but she seemed totally innocent. She’d never known a deep kiss or the intimacy of a man’s body.
It should have pleased him, but he found it irritating that she thought he’d mauled her. By God, he should have let her go out with Myers. Then she’d know what it was to be mauled!
He left the room and closed the door, his expression thunderous as he heard her footsteps going down the staircase and then her muffled goodbye to Justin.
Calhoun went back to his own room. He was breathing roughly, and his heart wouldn’t beat properly. He felt hot all over. Frustrated. Furious. Damn Abby and her soft body. It was driving him out of his mind!
He went into the bathroom and turned on the shower. Well, it was a good thing she didn’t like his kisses, because hell would freeze over before she ever got another one.
Abby was blissfully unaware of Calhoun’s thoughts. She climbed into her car and started it with hands that were still trembling. How could Calhoun have hurt her like that if he’d cared anything about her? He’d just proved how little she meant to him. He’d only been interested in his own pleasure, not hers. Well, he could go back to his blondes for all she cared. She was sure she hated him now.
Misty was already dressed and waiting when Abby got to the colonial mansion the older girl shared with her parents. Misty took them to town in her little sports car, and for once Abby didn’t mind the wind. It might blow away her misery. Just thinking about Calhoun’s rough treatment made her miserable. She loved him and it hurt terribly that he could treat her that way. But she had to pretend that nothing was wrong, so that Misty wouldn’t start asking questions that Abby didn’t want to answer.
They parked in town and went to the first address on Misty’s list. It was an apartment above a sweet shop, on the corner across from the bank. Misty didn’t like the place, because there was only one bedroom and she wanted her privacy. Abby deliberately put the implications of that remark in the back of her mind and added that she didn’t like the view. It was too close to the center of town, and there was a good deal of traffic on Saturday night.
The second place they went was just right. The room being rented was upstairs in a private house owned by a Mrs. Simpson, who was friendly and bright and welcoming. That turned Misty off completely. She didn’t want an old busybody watching out for her. But Abby was rapidly coming to the conclusion that Misty was going to do some entertaining once they were on their own, and her association with the Ballengers made her balk at the thought of Misty’s plans.
“I’ll take it,” she told Mrs. Simpson, “if you don’t mind having just me instead of both of us, and if you aren’t in a hurry for me to move in. It will be a few weeks….”
“That will work out fine. I’m going off to my sister’s for a week or so, anyway.” Mrs. Simpson smiled broadly, her blue eyes lighting up. “My dear, I’d be delighted.” She leaned forward while Misty was still upstairs grumbling about the lack of privacy. “Your friend seems very nice, mind you, but I’m rather old-fashioned….”
“So am I,” Abby whispered, putting her finger to her lips when Misty came downstairs again.
“No, I’m sorry, it won’t do,” she sighed.
“I have the perfect solution,” Abby told her. “I’ll take this one, and you take the other one. It’ll be great. We can visit each other, and we’ll both have our privacy.”
Misty raised an eyebrow. “Well…it might be nice at that. But you said you wanted to room with me.”
Mrs. Simpson excused herself, asking Abby to phone her later about a date for moving in.
Abby moved with Misty to the door. “Let’s face it,” she told her friend, “you want to entertain men, and I’ll have Calhoun and Justin all over me if they find out about it. I’m sure you don’t want them on your case.”
Misty shuddered delicately. “Are you kidding? Calhoun, maybe, but not Justin! That man doesn’t have a humorous bone in his whole body.”
Abby remembered how amused Justin had been about Calhoun’s behavior, but she just nodded her head.
“Let’s have coffee,” Misty suggested. She drove them back into town in her little sports car and parked beside the bank. The two women had just gotten out of the car when Tyler Jacobs and his sister Shelby came around the corner looking somber and disturbed.
Abby greeted them. “Tyler. Shelby. How are you?”
“This isn’t a good time to ask,” Shelby sighed, but she smiled. She was a dish. Short dark hair framed her elfin face, and she had eyes that were an odd shade of green, almost glassy in color. Her mouth was perfect, and she was tall. She would have made a fortune as a model, but her parents wouldn’t have heard of such a profession for their only daughter.
Tyler was like his sister in coloring. He had thick dark hair, almost black, and an olive complexion and the same odd-colored green eyes. He was as big as Calhoun, but slender. Whipcord-lean and dangerous-looking. He wasn’t handsome at all, but he had character, and women usually found him irrestible.
Misty turned to see where Abby had gotten to and smiled delightedly at Tyler.
“Well, hello,” she drawled. “Fancy seeing you here.”
“Hello, Misty,” he said, smiling lazily. “You look devastating, as usual. What are you two doing in town on a Sunday?”
“Looking for an apartment to share, originally.” Abby sighed. “But we wound up with one each, across town from the other. I’m renting from Mrs. Simpson, and Misty has a neat place overlooking the bank.”
“Right up there, in fact.” Misty pointed across the street. “It needs decorating, but I can take care of that.”
Abby grinned. “I’ll bet you can.”
“Come and have coffee with us,” Shelby invited. “Tyler needs cheering up. We had a bad blow yesterday, and an even worse one today.”
Abby looked up at him. He did seem reticent. And moody, which was totally unlike him. “I’m sorry. Can I help?”
“You little doll,” he murmured, and touched her hair gently. “No. But thanks for the offer. How’s Calhoun?”
Abby averted her eyes. “He’s fine, I guess. He and Justin are both at home.”
“No problems the other night after Calhoun got you home?” Tyler persisted with a teasing smile.
“Only the usual lecture,” Abby said. She managed a shaky smile as all four of them went down the street and entered a small cafeteria.
They were quickly seated, and the waitress brought four cups of coffee and a pitcher of cream.
Shelby cast a glance at Abby and laughed softly. “You devil,” she teased.
“I just wanted to see how the other half lived,” Abby sighed.
“I did my best to help you,” Misty sighed. “On the other hand, weren’t you lucky that it was Calhoun and not Justin who came after you? Calhoun is a little more easygoing.”
“Not lately, he isn’t,” Abby said tautly.
At the mention of Justin, Shelby became quiet and shy. Abby felt sorry for her. Justin had never gotten over Shelby’s defection. He probably never would, and Shelby had to know that.
“How is Justin?’ Tyler asked casually. Too casually.
“He goes to work and comes home and goes to work and comes home,” Abby said as they added cream and sugar to their coffee.
Misty yawned. “What an exciting life.”
“He’s lonely, I suppose,” Abby said deliberately. “He never goes anywhere.”
“I know somebody else like that,” Tyler murmured with a hard glance at Shelby, who shifted restlessly in her seat.
“How’s the horse business going?” Abby interrupted, posing the question to Tyler as she sipped her coffee.
“Going bust, I’m afraid,” he said heavily. “Dad made some bad investments before he died. So far, I’ve managed to meet the payments. This month I defaulted.” His face hardened. “I’m going to have to sell Geronimo.”
“Oh, Tyler, I’m sorry.” Abby grimaced. “He was your favorite.”
“Mine, too,” Shelby said with a sigh. “But we can’t keep him and pay off Dad’s debts. I don’t suppose you’d want him, Abby?”
“I don’t ride that well,” Misty confessed.
“If I can talk Justin into it I’d like to have him,” Abby said gently.
“Thank you, Abby, but that wouldn’t be a good idea,” Shelby replied. “Justin would go right through the roof if you asked him.”
“Like a rocket,” Tyler said, smiling at Abby. “No, we’ll do it through an agent. We won’t have any problems selling him. I’d rather know who he was going to, that’s all. Some people want a horse strictly for breeding purposes. They look at dollars and cents, not at the horse itself.”
“I’ve got a cousin in Texas,” Misty piped up. “She’s trying to hold on to the ranch all by herself. It’s a horse ranch,” she added. “Does that tell you anything?”
He smiled. “Enough. I’d appreciate it if you’d put her in touch with me.”
“I’ll give her your number, if you don’t mind.”
“Fine.”
Lights gleamed in Shelby’s black hair as she lifted the cup and finished her coffee. Abby wondered at her elfin beauty, and thought it strange that a man like Justin could attract such a lovely woman when he wasn’t handsome or even very personable. Then Abby remembered how kind he’d been to her in Houston, and the way he’d supported her with Calhoun. On the other hand, maybe it wasn’t so surprising that he could attract her. What was surprising was that he’d ever let her go. It made Abby uncomfortable, thinking about how two people could be so much in love one day and bitter enemies the next. Love didn’t last, after all.
“Tyler, we’d better go. I’ve got to call Barry Holman about those bonds and securities we’re selling,” Shelby said gently. “I’m sorry. I’d love to stay and talk. We hardly ever see each other these days, and I guess Justin would burn the house to the ground before he’d let me through the front door to visit you.”
Tyler sighed. “He holds a grudge longer than any man I’ve ever known, that’s for sure. And without reason.”
“No,” Shelby pleaded, her green eyes seeking his. “Please don’t. Abby owes him her loyalty. Don’t put her in the position of having to defend him.”
“Sorry,” he said, his green eyes glittering with controlled rage. Then he smiled at Abby. “There’s a square dance at the dance hall next Friday night. How about going with me?”
Abby hesitated. Justin would be furious, and she didn’t like to think about what Calhoun might say or do. He was so unpredictable lately. On the other hand, going out with Tyler would show Calhoun that she wasn’t going to make eyes at him any more….
“Don’t do it,” Shelby pleaded. “Can’t you see, it will only make things worse.”
“For whom?” Tyler shot back. “Could the situation possibly be any worse for you? My God, you’re living like a nun!”
Shelby put her napkin down with calm, steady fingers. “The way I live is no one’s concern except my own.” She stood up. “Abby, Justin would come down on your head like Judgment. He isn’t the man he was. I’d hate to see you caught in the cross fire.”
“I’m not afraid of him, Shelby,” Abby said gently. “Not much, anyway. I’m trying to get out from under Calhoun’s thumb. Tyler and I would kind of be helping each other.”
“You see,” Tyler told his sister. “And here you were thinking I was just doing it to irritate your ex-fiancé.”
“Well, aren’t you?” Shelby said challengingly.
He lifted his chin arrogantly. “Maybe.”
“Sometimes I wonder if Mom and Dad didn’t find you under a cabbage leaf,” Shelby muttered.
“Not a chance,” Misty mused, looking him up and down. “He’s much too big.”
“Tease,” he said, flirting lazily with Misty as he did with most women. But Tyler was deep, like Shelby, and if there was a special woman, nobody knew except himself. He was discreet about his love life.
“Justin used to laugh, you know,” Shelby told Abby as they walked out together, with Misty and Tyler talking together ahead of them. “He wasn’t always cold and hard and unyielding. Not until I gave him back his ring and made him bitter.” She clutched her purse against her breasts. “Abby, don’t hurt him,” she pleaded, her eyes soft and gentle. “Don’t let Tyler hurt him. He hides it, but he’s so vulnerable….”
“I know that,” Abby said gently. She touched the taller woman’s arm, stung by the look in Shelby’s eyes. Yes, she was vulnerable, too, and Abby sensed that Shelby was still in love with Justin, even now…. “I’m sorry that things have gone so badly for both of you. Justin doesn’t have women, you know. If you live like a nun, he lives like a monk. There isn’t anyone.”
Shelby’s lower lip trembled. She looked away, her head tilting to stop a tear from escaping. “Thank you,” she managed huskily.
Abby wanted to say more, but the others were waiting impatiently. “Ready to go?” she called brightly to Misty. “Okay. Can you keep it under ninety going home? Honest to goodness, I don’t think that car knows any legal speeds!”
“I’m a good driver,” Misty informed her haughtily. “You just come with me and I’ll prove it. So long, Tyler. Shelby.”
“I’ll pick you up at six on Friday,” Tyler told Abby. “Wear something sexy.”
She curtsied. “You’d better bring a baseball bat when you come to the door. And pray that Justin doesn’t have a long cord for his chain saw.”
“Dangerous games, my friend,” Misty told Abby as they drove away. “Justin won’t like it, and he’s pretty frightening when he loses his temper.”
“So is Tyler. But they won’t come to blows. I’ll make sure of it.”
“And what will Calhoun say?” Misty added with a quick glance at Abby.
Abby felt herself going pale. She could feel all over again the terrible crush of his mouth, the shattering intimacy of his body. She swallowed. “He won’t care,” she said coldly.
“Why do it? You’re moving out. Isn’t that enough of a show of independence for you?”
“No.” Abby leaned back against the leather seat and closed her eyes. “But going out with Tyler will be.”
Misty sighed and shook her head. “Well, I’ll remember you in my prayers. Hang on.” She pressed her foot down on the accelerator, and Abby wondered what the Guinness book of world records listed as the top land speed by a wild blonde in a little sports car. Whatever the record was, she thought as she held on for dear life, she’d bet that Misty could break it.
Chapter Six (#ulink_1f3bc852-22ae-5e32-8c52-a1ab381ed475)
Calhoun was gone when Abby got home, and she spent a quiet afternoon watching television. Justin was around long enough to ask about the apartment and to approve Abby’s choice of lodgings. But then he left to deal with some problem at the feedlot.
Abby dreaded the moment when Calhoun would return, because of what had happened that morning. She couldn’t reconcile the man she knew with the stranger who’d been so rough with her. Boys had kissed her before, but lightly and carefully. Calhoun hadn’t been careful, and he’d frightened her with his experience. She’d never experienced adult passion before, and she didn’t know what it was. But surely a man like Calhoun, with his love life, couldn’t have been thrown off balance so completely by a twenty-year-old virgin.
He’d already said he didn’t want her making eyes at him, so maybe he was showing her what she’d be inviting if she let him see her interest. She shivered. What a deft and accurate way he’d picked, if that were the case.
Supper was on the table and she and Justin were about to start serving themselves when Calhoun came in. He sat down, looking worn and rumpled, and poured himself a cup of coffee. He didn’t speak to Abby, and she kept her head down so that he wouldn’t notice her scarlet flush. It wasn’t necessary, anyway, because he didn’t even look at her. He started talking to Justin about a prospective new feedlot customer he’d found, and he kept the conversation going until they were having a second cup of coffee. Abby felt shut out and ignored. When Calhoun finally got up to leave and looked at her, she felt worse than she had in her life.
There was barely controlled anger in his eyes, mingled with something darker, something she didn’t understand. She dropped her eyes and felt her heart race under his cold scrutiny. He acted as if she were the guilty one. Didn’t he realize how he’d hurt her? That his treatment of her had been frightening?
“Hey,” Justin said softly as the outside door opened and closed.
She looked up, her eyes faintly misty. “He didn’t even speak to me,” she whispered.
Justin leaned back in his chair and lit a cigarette, exhaling smoke as he watched her. “He’s been like that all day,” he said. “While you were gone he stared out the window whenever I tried to talk to him. He didn’t even hear me. Finally he lit a cigarette and went outside and just walked.”
She stared at him. “Calhoun stopped smoking years ago.”
He shrugged. “He’s gone through a pack already. You keep telling me that there’s nothing wrong, but my brother goes from bad to worse. Now either you tell me or I’ll beat it out of him. I love him, but I’ve had enough silence.”
Abby swallowed hard. Justin’s tone was unnerving. But she couldn’t tell him what Calhoun had done. Justin was unpredictable, and she didn’t want him to rake Calhoun over the coals for something that in all honesty she’d helped to provoke.
Then she remembered what she’d said to Calhoun, and suddenly all the pieces of the puzzle fit together. She must have hurt Calhoun’s pride with what she’d said and done after he’d kissed her so intimately. The more she thought about it, the worse she felt. For months she’d dreamed of having him kiss her. Then he had, and she’d been too frightened by his experienced bulldozer technique to even respond. She’d behaved like a child.
Justin lifted an eyebrow and waited expectantly. When she didn’t say anything, he prodded, “Well?”
“I said some terrible things to him,” she confessed finally. “I was jealous.”
“And hurt,” he said perceptively.
“And hurt,” she sighed. Her blue-gray eyes met his dark ones. “Oh, Justin, he hates me. And I can’t even blame him. I hurt his pride so badly that I don’t imagine he’ll ever talk to me again.”
“Incredible, isn’t it, that you could hurt him,” he mused. “When women have been trying for years to get through that thick hide and never have.”
“He’s been responsible for me for a long time,” she said quietly. “I guess it’s hard for him to let go.”
“Maybe,” he said. He took another draw on the cigarette. “Maybe not. He’s acting strangely lately.”
“Maybe he’s got the gout or something,” she suggested with a slight smile.
“Or something.”
She sipped her coffee so that she’d have something to do with her hands. She had to talk to Justin about Friday night, and it was only just dawning on her how difficult it was going to be.
“Justin, I have to tell you something.”
His dark eyebrows lifted. “This sounds serious,” he said with a faint smile.
“It is. And I hope you won’t get mad at me.”
His chin lifted. “Is it about the Jacobses?”
“I’m afraid so,” she sighed. She looked at her coffee, because his eyes were getting darker by the second. “Tyler asked me to a square dance Friday night, and I said I’d go.” She clenched her teeth, waiting for the outburst. When it didn’t come, she looked up. He was watching her, but without any particular anger. She continued quickly, “I don’t have to let him pick me up here. I can meet him at the dance. In fact, Shelby did her best to stop him from asking me, because she didn’t want to upset you.”
Something passed across his face, too fleeting to identify. But for one wild second his eyes were soft and quiet and full of wonder. Then it was gone, and he stared down at his glowing cigarette. “Did she?”
“She didn’t want Tyler to make any trouble,” Abby said gently.
“It’s been six years,” he said after a minute, his face quiet and oddly gentle. “Six long, empty years. I’ve hated her, and I’ve hated the family. I guess I could go on hating them until we’re all dead. But it wouldn’t change anything. It’s all over and done with, a long time ago.”
“She’s so lovely,” Abby said.
Justin winced, and there were memories in his dark eyes, in his taut face. He crushed out his cigarette roughly. “Tyler can pick you up here,” he said abruptly, and got to his feet. “I won’t give him a hard time.”
She looked up as he passed by her chair and then down at her cup, thoughtfully. “She lives like a nun, you know. Tyler says she hasn’t dated anyone for years.”
Abby thought he stopped then, just for a second, but it might have been her imagination, because he kept walking and he didn’t say a word.
What a pity, Abby thought with quiet melancholy, that love could die so violent a death. And the saddest part of it was that in spite of what Justin said, she’d have bet Justin and Shelby were still madly in love, even though it had been six years since they’d broken up. What had Shelby done to make Justin turn against her so vehemently? Surely just being given back his engagement ring wouldn’t make a man so vindictive!
Abby got up from the table and went to her room. It was much too early to go to bed, but she didn’t relish the idea of staying downstairs and having Calhoun stare holes through her. Avoiding him had suddenly become imperative.
That wasn’t too hard. But avoiding the memories that lingered in her room was. The wall where he’d pinned her with his big body and kissed the breath out of her was all too empty. In the end she pushed a bookcase against it, just to keep her mind from replaying the scene.
She went to work as usual for the rest of the week, and so did Calhoun. But there was a difference. There was no soft greeting, no smile, no teasing grin. This Calhoun was more and more like his older brother. The fun had gone out of him, leaving behind a hard, formidable businessman who alternately ignored Abby or chewed her out for any nervous mistakes she made. It was impossible to get near him, even to talk.
By quitting time on Friday, she was a nervous wreck. She looked forward to the square dance like a doomed prisoner coveting an appeal. At least the dance would get her out of the house and take her mind off Calhoun. Not that she expected him to be home on a weekend. He’d probably be up in Houston with his model. Abby gritted her teeth as she thought about that.
Hindsight was a sad thing, Abby reflected, and she’d only begun to realize why Calhoun had been out of control with her in the bedroom. It hadn’t been because he was angry or because he was punishing her. He’d been out of control because he’d wanted her. She was almost sure of it now, having asked Misty some subtle but intimate questions about men. Calhoun had wanted her, and she’d stabbed his pride bloody. She could have cried, because she’d had his attention and hadn’t even known it. He was well and truly cured now. He didn’t speak to her unless he had to, and he avoided her like the plague. She was glad she’d had that room reserved at the boarding house, because she had a feeling she was going to need it any time now.
She dressed in a red-checked full skirt with several crinolines and a perky white blouse with puffy short sleeves and a button front. It was almost March, but it was still cold, and she got out her long tan coat to wear with it. Tyler was due at six, and it was almost that when she went downstairs, her long hair silky and clean around her shoulders, wearing just enough makeup to give her a rosy-cheeked glow. She’d never wished more that she was blond or that she could have a second chance with Calhoun. Just her luck, she thought miserably as she made her way down the staircase, to foul everything up on the first try. Why hadn’t she realized that Calhoun felt passion, not anger? Why hadn’t she waited to give him a chance to be tender? He probably would have been if she hadn’t struggled with him.
She reached the bottom of the staircase just in time to watch Calhoun open the front door for Tyler, because Maria and Lopez had the night off. Abby’s heart jumped helplessly at the sight of those broad shoulders and that long back. Calhoun was so big he even towered over Tyler.
Abby’s body tensed as she wondered if Justin had told Calhoun she’d be going out with Tyler. But he finally opened the door all the way and let the other man inside.
Tyler, in jeans and a red checked Western shirt and bandanna and denim jacket, looked as Western as a man could get, from his black boots to his black hat. Calhoun was dressed in a similar fashion, except that his shirt was blue. They stared at each other for a long moment before Calhoun broke the silence.
“Justin said you were taking Abby out,” he said tersely. “You can wait in the living room if you like.”
“Thanks,” Tyler said, equally tersely, as he met Calhoun’s eyes and glanced away.
“I’m already dressed,” Abby said with forced cheerfulness, smiling at Tyler and getting a smile back. She didn’t look at Calhoun. She couldn’t. It would have been like putting a knife in her heart.
“Then let’s go,” Tyler replied. “I hear the Jones boys are going to play tonight. You remember Ted Jones, Calhoun; he was in our senior class back in high school.”
“I remember him,” Calhoun said quietly. There was a smoking cigarette in his hand, and he looked like a stranger.
A minute later, Justin came out of his study, stopping short when he saw the three of them. He and Calhoun were wearing almost identical clothing, and it was odd for Justin to dress up on a Friday night. Unless…
“Where are you off to?” Abby asked the oldest of the three men with a smile.
“The square dance, of course,” Justin said, glancing at Tyler. “Not to keep tabs on her, in case you were wondering,” he added with a cold smile. “We’re meeting a business contact there.”
Abby’s heart jumped. Calhoun was going to the dance, too. She hated her own helpless pleasure at the thought that she might have at least a few minutes in his arms.
Tyler studied Justin warily. “You aren’t meeting Fred Harriman, by any chance?”
Justin’s eyebrows arched. “Yes. Why?”
Tyler grimaced. “He just bought our place.”
Calhoun caught his breath. “For God’s sake, you weren’t forced out?”
“I’m afraid so,” Tyler replied with a sigh. “Funny, you never think you’ll go under. I was sure that I could undo the damage Dad had done, but I was too late. At least it’s not a complete loss. We’ve still got a couple of stallions, and we can hold on to at least the house and an acre or two of land.”
“If you need a job, we’ve got one open at the feedlot,” Justin said unexpectedly. “It’s not charity, damn it,” he added when he saw Tyler’s incredulous look and glinting green eyes. “I don’t have to like you to know how good you are with livestock.”
“That’s a fact,” Calhoun agreed, raising a cigarette to his chiseled mouth. “The door’s open.”
Abby, watching them, was struck by the sheer force of so much masculinity at close range. The three of them were like patterns cut from the same rough cloth. Long, tall Texans. She was suddenly proud to be a friend to two of them, even if the third hated her.
“Thanks for the offer, then,” Tyler said. He stared at Justin. “I didn’t think you went to dances, business or not.”
“I don’t. Calhoun gets drunk if I don’t baby-sit him,” he said, grinning at his brother’s outraged expression.
“Like hell I do,” Calhoun replied. “I remember a night when you tied one on royally and I put you to bed.”
Justin pursed his lips. “We all lose our heads occasionally,” he said. “Don’t we, Abby?” he added with a glance in her direction and then in Calhoun’s. Abby flushed, and Calhoun turned his back and headed for the front door, holding it open for the rest of them without another word. Justin only smiled.
“Shelby’s going, too,” Tyler remarked to Abby as they walked out. “I had to twist her arm, but she needs some diversion. She’s working a six-day week for the first time in her life, and it’s rough.”
Justin didn’t say a word, but if that quiet unblinking gaze meant what Abby thought it did, he was listening intently. She wondered just how many fireworks a dance hall could stand. Behind her, Calhoun was glaring at her and at Tyler with a scowl so hot that she would have grown warm if she’d seen it.
The dance hall was jumping. The Jones boys’ band was playing a toe-tapping Western medley, and the dance floor was full. Old Ben Joiner, his fiddle in his hand, was calling the dance, his voice rising deep and clear above the music as he told the dancers what to do and when.
“Nice crowd,” Tyler remarked. He and Abby had arrived after Justin and Calhoun. The two of them were at a table with a third man who looked pitifully out of place.
“Yes, it is nice. What do the brothers want with Fred Harriman, I wonder?” she asked, thinking out loud as she and Tyler headed toward the table where Shelby was sitting all alone.
“You’re in a position to know better than I am,” Tyler returned, “but I expect he wants the brothers to feed out his new cattle for him.” Tyler glanced at his sister and saw where her big, soulful green eyes were staring. “God, she’s got it bad,” he said under his breath.
Abby noticed, too, and touched his sleeve. “Justin doesn’t date, either. Do you suppose there’s any chance for them?”
“Not after what he thinks she did,” Tyler replied tersely. “And talking about it won’t butter any biscuits. Hi, sis,” he said more loudly, smiling at his sister as he pulled out a chair for Abby and then sat down himself.
“Hi,” Shelby said with a grin. “Abby, you look gorgeous.”
“So do you.” Abby sighed. “You don’t know what I’d give to be as pretty as you are.”
“Oh, go on,” Shelby murmured, embarrassed. But she did look pretty, her dark hair coiled on her head with a bow holding it, her green Western-style dress exactly matching her eyes and showing off her beautiful figure.
“I wish things had worked out for you. Your job must be rough,” Abby commiserated.
Shelby smiled back. “Oh, I like it,” she said. “And at least we’ve got the house. We’ll finish the last details of the sale next week, and then all the gossip will die down and we’ll have our privacy back.” She picked up her glass of ginger ale and sipped it. “I hope you don’t mind my being a third wheel….”
“You go on,” Abby replied. “You know Ty and I are just friends. I’m glad to have your company, and I’m sure your brother is, too.”
Tyler smiled, but the look he sent her over Shelby’s oblivious head wasn’t quite platonic.
“Let’s get in that next set,” Tyler said, pulling Abby up by the hand. “Shelby, order Abby and me a ginger ale, would you?” he asked his sister.
She grinned. “Of course.”
Abby stared at Tyler as he led her into the throng of dancers. “I can have a gin and tonic if I want to.”
“Not while you’re out with me,” he said firmly, leading her into place in front of him. “I don’t drink. That means you don’t drink.”
“Spoilsport,” she sighed.
He chuckled. “Shame on you. You don’t need booze to have a good time.”
“I know. But I had looked forward to being treated like an adult,” she told him.
“Well, don’t give up hope,” he said, his voice deep and soft as his lean hand curled around her waist. “The night’s still young yet.”
Abby smiled, because of course he was just flirting. She let him jostle her around the dance floor, graceful on his feet, expertly leading her through the twists and turns and shuffles and exchanges. Abby was having a great time until she glanced at the table where Justin and Calhoun were sitting. Justin’s dark eyes kept darting over to Shelby. Abby was too far away to read his expression. Calhoun, on the other hand, was glaring at Abby and Tyler with enough venom for ten rattlesnakes.
Her heart leaped at the jealousy she saw on his face. Maybe there was still a little hope. The thought perked her up, and she began to smile, and then to laugh. Tyler mistook her response for pleasure in his company, and so did Calhoun. By the time the dance was over, Abby was caught in the middle of a building storm.
It threatened to explode when Calhoun, sick of watching Abby with Tyler, went and asked Shelby to dance.
Shelby was hesitant because Justin had just straightened at his table and looked capable of starting a world war all by himself.
“He won’t mind,” Calhoun said. “You look lonely sitting here by yourself.”
“Oh, Calhoun, don’t start anything,” she pleaded.
“I won’t,” he promised. “Now come and dance with me.”
Shelby gave in, but her lovely face was troubled.
Abby watched them go onto the dance floor, and her spirits fell. Shelby and Calhoun looked good together, her brunette beauty a perfect foil for his blond good looks. Abby felt plain and unattractive by comparison. She stared at Ty’s chest, hopelessly depressed. What if Calhoun had come because of Shelby? What if he was courting her now? She felt sick.
“I feel like I’m sitting on a time bomb,” Tyler mused as he watched Calhoun and Shelby and then got a look at Justin’s face. “I don’t know what Calhoun’s up to, but Justin looks dangerous. Even if he hates my sister, he still seems to consider her his personal property. Would you look at that scowl?”
Abby saw Justin’s expression and was ashamed of herself for wishing he would get out of his chair and beat the hell out of Calhoun. She flushed with embarrassment. “If Justin was dancing with another woman, how do you think Shelby would feel?” she asked, looking up at him.
He pursed his lips, his green eyes dancing as they searched her face. “I hadn’t considered that.”
“Calhoun probably thought Shelby was uncomfortable sitting by herself with nobody to dance with,” Abby added.
Tyler sighed, his eyes wandering quietly over Abby’s distracted expression as she looked toward the other couple on the floor. And all at once a lot of things became clear for him. Foremost was that Abby was jealous. Her eyes weren’t any softer than Justin’s. If she wasn’t already in love with Calhoun, she was well on the way to it. Tyler felt all his chances slipping away, and there wasn’t a thing he could do about it.
The evening wore on, and the tension rose. Calhoun seemed to enjoy dancing with Shelby. Abby stuck with Tyler. Justin sat and drank quietly by himself after he finished his business with the other gentleman, who left. The tall man began to look more coldly violent by the minute.
Toward the end of the dance, Calhoun left Shelby long enough to saunter over to Abby, who was sipping ginger ale while Tyler spoke to someone he knew at a nearby table. Abby hadn’t been watching Calhoun, because he was making her miserable. He didn’t smile at her anymore. He hated her, she was sure of it. So when Calhoun appeared in front of her, Abby grew flustered and nervous and almost spilled her drink.
Calhoun saw the nervous motion, and it gave him hope. “How about dancing one with me?” he asked quietly.
She looked up, her eyes searching his face almost hungrily. “No, I’d better not,” she said softly.
He caught his breath at the wounded sound in her voice. “Abby, why not?” he asked.
“It might hurt Shelby’s feelings,” she said, and turned away, searching the room desperately for Tyler. “I can’t imagine where Tyler got to,” she added huskily.
Calhoun looked like a radio with the transistors removed. He blinked, doubting that he’d really heard what she’d just said. Shelby might be hurt? Surely she didn’t think—It suddenly dawned on him that if Abby was crazy enough to imagine he was getting involved with Shelby, Justin might, too.
He turned toward the table where Justin was sitting like a statue, and whistled under his breath. “Oh, my God,” he breathed. “I’ve done it now.”
Abby didn’t say another word. She watched Calhoun move through the crowd toward Justin and wondered absently if his life insurance was paid up. Justin looked murderous.
There were two full ashtrays in front of Justin, and one half-empty whisky glass. The older man drank on occasion, but usually not when he was angry. If he did, he limited himself to one drink. The glass was what told Calhoun how angry his older brother was.
Calhoun sat down across from him, leaning back to study the older man. “She was lonely,” he told Justin.
Justin drained his glass and rose, his eyes blacker than Calhoun had seen them in a long time. “Then I’ll see what I can do about it.”
While Calhoun was catching his breath, Justin walked to Shelby’s table. He didn’t say a word. He looked at the woman until her face colored, then simply held out his hand. She put hers into it. He pulled her onto the dance floor, and they melted into each other to a slow, dreamy tune.
Abby sighed as she watched them. They were stiff, as if there were more than just space between them, but the look on Shelby’s face was hauntingly beautiful. His expression was less easily read, hard and rigid. But Abby would have bet that he was as close to heaven as he’d been in six years.
“How about that for a surprise?” Tyler murmured over her head, watching. “My God, look at them. They’re like two halves of a whole.”
“Why did they ever split up?” she asked him.
“I don’t know,” he said with a sigh. “I think my father was mixed up in it somehow, and one of his friends. But Shelby never talks about it. All I know is that she gave him back his ring and he’s been bitter ever since.”
As the music ended, the couple stopped dancing. Justin released Shelby very slowly and abruptly turned and walked out of the dance hall. After a minute, Shelby went back and sat down. Calhoun returned to the table.
Abby, turning to watch Calhoun bend toward Shelby, felt even sicker when she saw Shelby get up and leave the building, holding Calhoun’s arm.
She toughed it out for several more dances, but when Calhoun didn’t come back, she finally realized that he’d more than likely taken Shelby home. And was still there…
“Can we go home, Ty?” she asked huskily.
“Are you sure that’s what you want?” Ty asked, his voice full of sympathy.
“I’m tired,” Abby replied, and it was no lie. She really was. She was tired of watching Calhoun in action. First the blonde, now Shelby, and all in one week. But plain little Abby didn’t figure in his world. She didn’t even matter. She looked up at Ty, her eyes misty with unshed tears. “Do you mind?”
“Of course I mind,” he said gently. “But if that’s what you want, we’ll go.”
Abby didn’t speak all the way home. It was unlike Calhoun to deliberately start trouble. It was almost as if he were getting back at Justin for something, but for what? Justin hadn’t done anything to him.
Tyler walked her up the steps onto the long front porch with its graceful arches and porch furniture.
“Sorry the evening ended so abruptly,” Tyler said. “But I hope you had fun.”
“I did, honestly,” she said, smiling up at him.
He took a deep breath and bent toward her hesitantly. When she didn’t resist, he brushed his mouth gently against hers. There was no response, and after a minute he lifted his dark head.
His green eyes searched hers, and he wasn’t smiling. “You don’t have a clue, do you, honey?” he asked gently. “And I think it’s lack of interest more than just lack of experience.”
“You think I’m green as grass, too, I guess,” she sighed miserably.
He cocked an eyebrow and tweaked her chin with his lean fingers. “So that’s how it is.” He pursed his lips. “Well, little Abby, with some cooperation from you I could take care of the green part in about five minutes. But I think that’s a lesson the man you’re mooning over should teach you.” He touched his lips to her forehead. “I hope he appreciates his good luck. You’re a special girl.”
“He doesn’t think so, but I’m glad you do.” She looked up at him with a faint smile. “I wish it could be you.”
His expression hardened for just an instant before the old mocking humor came back. “So do I. Want to go to dinner one night? Just a friendly dinner. I know when a door’s being closed, so you won’t have any worries on that score.”
Her smile grew brighter. “You’re a nice man.”
“Not always.” He touched her cheek gently. “Good night.”
“Good night, Tyler. I had a good time.”
“So did I.”
He took the steps two at a time, and Abby stood quietly, watching him drive off. It was a long time before she turned and went into the house.
She closed the front door and started toward the staircase, only to be stopped in her tracks by an off-key rendition of a Mexican drinking song. Somewhere in the back of her mind she recognized it as one Justin sang on the very rare occasions when he had had too many glasses of whiskey.
Chapter Seven (#ulink_25a55fe4-5b58-50e8-972d-e363f4f0d4b2)
Abby went all the way inside the house and closed the door. Then she slipped down the hall to the study and peeked in.
Justin was holding a square whiskey glass. It was empty. He was sprawled on the leather sofa with his dark hair in his eyes and his shirt rumpled, one big boot propped on the spotless leather seat, singing for all he was worth. On the coffee table beside him were a smokeless ashtray, a crumpled cigarette pack, a fresh cigarette pack, and half a bottle of whiskey.
“No puedo hacer…” He stopped at the sound of her footsteps and looked up at her with bloodshot eyes.
“Oh, Justin,” she moaned.
“Hello, Abby. Want a snort?”
She grimaced at the glass he held up. “It’s empty,” she told him.
He stared at it. “Damn. I guess it is. Well, I’ll fill it up, then.”
He threw his leg off the sofa, almost ending up on the floor in the process.
Abby put down her purse and coat and helped him onto the sofa. “Justin, this won’t help,” she said. “You know it won’t.”
“She cried,” Justin murmured. “Damn it, she cried. And he took her home. I want to kill him, Abby,” he said, his eyes blazing, his voice harsh. “My own brother, and I want to kill him because he went off with her!”
She bit her lower lip. She didn’t know what to say, what to do. Justin never drank, and he never complained. But he looked as if he were dying, and Abby could sympathize. She’d felt that way, too, when Calhoun had left with Shelby.
“I saw them go,” he ground out. He put his face in his lean hands and sighed heavily. “She’s part of me. Still part of me after all the years, all the pain. Calhoun knew it, Abby, he did it deliberately….”
“Calhoun loves you,” she defended him. “He wouldn’t hurt you on purpose.”
“Any man could fall in love with her,” he kept on. “Shelby’s beautiful. A dream walking.”
Abby knew how attractive Shelby was. The knowledge didn’t help her own sense of failure, her own lack of confidence or her breaking heart.
“Drinking isn’t the answer,” she said softly. She touched his arm. “Justin, get some sleep.”
“How can I sleep when he’s with her?”
“He won’t be for long. Tyler just went home,” she said tautly.
He took a deep breath, letting it out in jerks. His hands came away from his eyes. “I don’t know much about women, Abby,” he said absently. “I don’t have Calhoun’s charm, or his experience, or his looks.”
She felt a sense of kinship with him then, because she had the same problem. Justin had always seemed so self-assured that she’d never thought of him having the same doubts and fears that she did.
“And I don’t have Shelby’s assets,” Abby confessed. She sat down beside him. “I guess we’d both lose a beauty contest. I wish I was blond, Justin.”
“I wish I had a black book.” Justin sighed.
She grinned at him, and he grinned back. He poured whiskey into the glass, getting half again as much on the heavy coffee table. “Here,” he offered it to her. “To hell with both of them. Have a shot of ego salve.”
“Thanks, masked man,” she sighed, taking it. “Don’t mind if I do.”
It tasted horrible. “Can you really drink this stuff and live?” she wondered. “It smells like what you put in the gas tank.”
“It’s Scotch whiskey,” he returned. “Cutty Sark.”
“It would cutty a shark all right,” she mused, sipping it.
“Not cutty a shark. Cutty Shark. Sark. Hell.” He took the glass and finished what little whiskey she’d left. “Now, if you’re going to drink Cutty Sark, Abby, you have to learn to sing properly. I’ll teach you this song I learned down in Mexico, okay?”
And he proceeded to do just that. When Calhoun walked in the front door about thirty minutes later, there was a very loud off-key chorus coming from the study.
He stared in the door incredulously. Justin was lying back on the sofa, his hair in his eyes, one knee lifted, a whiskey bottle in his hand. Abby was lying against his uplifted knee, her legs thrown over the coffee table, sipping from a whiskey glass. She looked as disreputable as his brother did, and both of them looked soaked to the back teeth.
“What in hell is going on?” Calhoun asked as he leaned against the doorjamb.
“We hate you,” Abby informed him, lifting her glass in a toast.
“Amen.” Justin grinned.
“And just as soon as we get through drinking and singing, we’re going to go down to the feedlot and open all the gates, and you can spend the rest of the night chasing cows.” She smiled drunkenly. “Justin and I figure that’s what you do best, anyway. Chasing females, that is. So it doesn’t matter what species, does it, old buddy?” she asked Justin, twisting her head back against his knee.
“Nope,” Justin agreed. He lifted the whiskey bottle to his lips, rolling backward a little as he sipped it.
“We were going to lock you out,” Abby added, blinking, “but we couldn’t get up to put on the chain latches.”
“My God.” Calhoun shook his head at the spectacle they made. “I wish I had a camera.”
“What for?” Justin asked pleasantly.
“Never mind.” Calhoun unbuttoned his cuffs and rolled up his sleeves. “I’ll make some black coffee.”
“Don’t want any,” Abby murmured drowsily. “It would mess up our systems.”
“That’s right,” Justin agreed.
“You’ll see messed-up systems by morning, all right.” Calhoun grimaced and moved off toward the kitchen.
“We should check his collar for lipstick!” Abby told Justin in a stage whisper.
“Good idea,” Justin frowned. He started to sit up, then fell back against the arm of the sofa, cradling the bottle. “In a minute. I have to rest first.”
“That’s okay,” she said. “I’ll do it.” She yawned. “When he gets back.” Her eyes closed.
By the time Calhoun got back, they were both snoring. The whiskey bottle was lying on the floor, with the neck in Justin’s lean hand. Calhoun righted it and put it on the table along with Abby’s empty glass. The sight of them was as puzzling as it was amusing. Both Justin and Abby were usually the teetotalers at any gathering, and here they were soused. He wondered if his leaving with Shelby had set them off and realized that it probably had. In Justin’s case it was understandable. But Abby’s state was less easily understood, after the way she’d treated him since he’d kissed her. Unless…
He frowned, his dark eyes quiet and curious as he watched her flushed, sleeping face. Unless she’d finally realized why he’d been rough with her and was regretting her hot words. Was that possible? She’d seemed jealous of the time he’d spent with Shelby at the dance, and here she was three sheets to the wind. Well, well. Miracles did happen, it seemed.
He still wasn’t sure about Tyler Jacobs’s feelings toward Abby, but at least now he didn’t have to worry about Justin’s. If just seeing his brother with Shelby had this effect on Justin, he was still crazy about Shelby.
Calhoun lifted Abby and sat her crookedly in a chair while he laid Justin down on the sofa, pulled the older man’s big boots off and covered him with one of the colorful serapes that were draped on chairs all over the room. Then he swung Abby up in his arms, balanced her on his knee while he turned off the overhead light, and closed the study door. Justin was going to hate himself in the morning.
Abby stirred as he carried her up the staircase. Her eyes flickered open, and she stared up drunkenly at the hard, quiet face above hers.
“You’re with Shelby,” she muttered drowsily. “We know you are. We know what you’re doing, too.” She laughed bitterly, then sighed and broke into the Mexican song Justin had taught her.
“Stop that.” Calhoun scowled at her. “My God, you shouldn’t use language like that.”
“What language?”
“That song Justin taught you,” he muttered, topping the staircase and heading down the hall toward her room. “It’s vulgar as all hell.”
“He didn’t say it was.”
“Of course he didn’t. He wouldn’t have taught it to you if he’d been sober. He’ll have a heart attack if he hears you singing it when he’s back on his feet.”
“Want me to teach it to you?” she asked.
“I already know it.”
“That isn’t surprising,” she sighed. She closed her eyes as he walked through the open door into her room and kicked it shut behind him. There were memories in this room, he thought angrily as he headed toward the bed. Abby, half-naked on that pink coverlet. Abby’s soft body under his against that far wall—where she’d put a bookcase. He frowned at it. The new furniture arrangement was fairly revealing. Why would she shift the bookcase there unless it bothered her to remember?
He laid her down on the bed and watched her curl up. “No, you don’t,” he murmured. “You can’t go to sleep like that.”
She yawned. “Yes, I can.”
He pulled off her shoes, and after a moment’s hesitation his hard fingers went to her skirt. He removed it and about a hundred layers of full underskirts, and then her panty hose and blouse. Under it all, she was wearing dainty pink lace briefs and a matching bra that was no cover at all over her full, firm breasts.
This, he thought as he looked at her, was a hell of a mistake. But she was the most delicious little morsel. Her body was perfect, the most beautiful he’d seen in his life. And when he realized just how innocent she was, how untouched, his body rippled with pleasure mingled with need.
She sighed then, and her eyes opened. She searched his face, watching where his gaze had fallen. “You undressed me,” she said.
“You couldn’t sleep in that rig,” he replied tautly.
“I guess not.” She knew it should bother her that he was seeing her like this, in those wispy pink things she’d been crazy enough to buy at Misty’s insistence. But if the way he was staring at her was any indication, he seemed to like what he saw.
“Do you have pajamas or a gown?” he asked after a minute.
“A gown. Under my pillow.”
He managed to make his legs move and took out a bit of material that would cover no more of her than her underwear. “You’ll freeze to death in this thing,” he muttered.
“Misty said it was a sexy outfit,” she said drowsily. She moved, her long hair framing her oval face with its delicate flush, her pale blue-gray eyes enormous as they searched the faintly blurred outline of his body. “I thought I’d seduce Ty,” she added. “He likes me.”
His face hardened. “Like hell you will,” he said shortly.
“You did that to Shelby,” she accused. “Shame on you, when Justin loves her.”
“I didn’t touch Shelby,” he returned. “I left her at her front door and went back to the dance hall looking for you.”
“I wasn’t there,” she murmured.
“Obviously.” He didn’t mention that he’d had to fight the urge to go looking for Tyler’s car in case he and Abby were parked somewhere. The thought of her with Ty made him want to do something violent.
“Justin is going to beat you up when he can stand up again,” she told him gaily.
“I guess he’s entitled.” Calhoun sighed. “I sure as hell made a mess of things.” He sat down beside her, his eyes reluctantly leaving the long, sweet line of her legs and hips and the open seductiveness of her almost-bare breasts. “Do you know how perfect you are?” he said absently.
She was suddenly cold sober. Her eyes opened wide, searching his. “Me?”
“You,” he said harshly. “From your legs to your hips to those sweet, pretty brea—” He stopped, hating his own vulnerability. “Come here.” He put the gown in her lap and drew her into a sitting position, watching the tips of her firm breasts suddenly harden. He caught his breath.
She looked up at him curiously. “What’s wrong?”
“This.” He touched her delicately, only the back of his knuckles rubbing softly against her nipples. She pulled away, her breath audible, and he lifted his head to search her shocked eyes.
She looked back at him, relaxed from the alcohol, all her deeply buried longings surfacing without the restraint of a usually protective mind. She touched the back of his hand and intertwined her fingers with his. And then she pulled gently, watching as she drew his hand across her breasts.
“Abby…” he ground out.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “About what I said that morning. About how I…reacted.” She swallowed, searching for courage. She opened his fingers and pressed them hesitantly just underneath her breast, lifting them so that he could feel the swell against his skin.
“Don’t, for God’s sake,” he groaned.
She moved his hand against her, drowning in the sweetness of his touch, arching toward it. Both her hands went there, pushing his fingers completely over her. “Calhoun,” she moaned. She felt so weak that she thought she’d have to lie down again, but she couldn’t let go of his hand.
“You aren’t sober enough,” he whispered roughly, although the feel of her was doing terrible things to his self-control. He was already going rigid with need as he followed her down.
“I’m not sober enough to be afraid,” she whispered. Her eyes searched his glittering eyes. “Teach me.”
He actually shuddered. “I can’t.”
“Why?” she asked. “Because I’m plain and unsophisticated, because I’m not blond—” Her voice broke.
So did his control. He leaned down, his smoky breath mingling with hers as his hand cupped her. “Because you’re a virgin,” he breathed into her mouth as he took it.
She moaned. It was sweet, so sweet. Nothing like that other time, when he’d been rough and hadn’t given her enough room to respond. He’d been impatient and demanding, but now he was gentle. His fingers stroked her body from her breasts to her waist to her flat stomach. His mouth teased at hers, probed it, traced it in a silence that was thick with sensual pleasure. Abby felt warm all over, safe and cared-about. She let her lips admit the probing of his tongue, admit him into the sweet darkness of her mouth. She didn’t even protest when the kiss grew much deeper, much slower, or when she felt his hand slide under her to find the catch at her back.
The air was cool on her body. He removed the lacy covering that was no covering at all, and his hands were heaven on her hot skin. She moaned, helping him, pressing his fingers against her, drawing them over her hungry body.
“Abby,” he groaned against her mouth, half-crazy with the hunger to make love to her completely, to salve the ache that was throbbing through his body.
She opened her eyes, letting her gaze fall lazily to his chest. Her hands went to his shirt, and she worked at the buttons, feeling him tense. But he didn’t protest, even though his heartbeat was shaking his big body as it lay beside hers.
“There,” she whispered when she could see and touch the thick wedge of hair that ran down to his belt. “I’ll bet women love to touch you there,” she murmured as she pressed her fingers hungrily against him.
“I’ve never let a woman touch me like this before,” he said huskily. “I didn’t like it until now.”
Her eyes searched his, and she shifted restlessly on the coverlet, hungry, aching for something without a name, without an image.
“What do you want?” he asked gruffly, searching her eyes. “Tell me. I’ll do anything you want me to.”
She swallowed, and her lips parted unsteadily. She took his head in her hands and tugged at it, lifting her body. And he understood without her having to put it into words.
“Here?” he whispered tenderly, and put his open mouth completely over the swollen tip of her breast.
She moaned helplessly. It was beyond her wildest imaginings of what passion would feel like. Her body was in control. Her mind could only watch, it couldn’t slow down what was happening. She twisted the cool, thick strands of his blond hair while he smoothed his warm mouth over her breasts and stomach, her faint cries encouraging him, her body welcoming him.
His mouth slid back up to meet hers. And as she opened her own lips to welcome him, she felt his body slowly cover her.
Her eyes opened then as his mouth lifted fractionally, and she watched his face, hard with passion, as his body fit itself perfectly to her slenderness.
She barely breathed, her eyes wide and full of new knowledge as she felt him intimately and knew without words how badly he wanted her.
“Are you afraid this time?” he whispered quietly.
“I should be,” she replied. She reached up and touched his face as he drew his chest slowly, teasingly over her breasts. Her breath caught, but she traced his eyebrows, his cheeks, his mouth with fingers that trembled and adored him.
His big, callused hands slid under her back, lifting her up into the curve of his body. “I want you, Abby,” he whispered, bending to her mouth as his body shuddered over hers. “I want you so much….”
She curled her arms around his head and held his mouth against her eager one. “I want you, too, Calhoun,” she whispered into his mouth.
He almost lost control completely then. He kissed her until he had to stop for breath, his body shuddering rhythmically, his knee between her long, soft legs, his hand low on her hips. He felt her trembling and heard her whimper. Oddly, it brought him to his senses.
Slowly, so slowly, he rolled onto his side, bringing her with him, cradling her against his damp body. He slid his hands to her head, holding her forehead to his throbbing chest.
“Lie still, honey,” he whispered raggedly when she began to move again. He caught her hips and stilled them. “Just lie against me and breathe. It will be all right in a minute. Lie still, baby.”
Her hands were flat against his chest, trembling there in the thick mat of hair, and she felt his unsteady breathing against her hair. He was as shaken as she was, but why had he stopped? She didn’t understand. If he wanted her, then why had he stopped?
“Sweet thing,” he breathed when the tremor was almost out of his big arms. “Sweet, precious thing, another few seconds and nothing on earth would have stopped me, did you know?”
She nuzzled her head against him. “Why did you stop?” she asked dazedly.
He tilted her head back on the pillow and smiled into her drowsy eyes. “Don’t you know?”
“Because I’m not blond, I guess,” she sighed, almost weeping with frustration and disappointment.
“Because you’re not lucid,” he corrected. He brushed the long, soft hair away from her face. “Abby, you’re half lit.”
“I want you,” she moaned.
“I know. I can see it. Feel it.” He hugged her close for a minute, because he was almost in control now. Then he let go and quickly and efficiently slid her into her gown. “Sit up, honey.”
She did, and he eased back the covers and helped her get under them. She lay quietly beneath two layers of fabric and blinked at him sleepily. “Calhoun, stay with me,” she whispered.
He smiled gently, his dark eyes possessive on her flushed face. “Justin would love finding us in your bed together. He’d probably make me marry you.”
“And I guess that would be the end of your world,” she replied.
His expression hardened. He drew in a slow breath and touched her cheek gently, thoughtfully. “I’ve been alone a long time. I like being my own boss, answering to no one. I’ve been a rounder, and in some ways I still am. I’m a bad marriage risk.”
“One woman wouldn’t satisfy you, I guess,” she murmured, hiding her eyes from him. All her dreams were dead now. Every last one. He wanted her, but not enough for marriage. He was telling her so.
He shrugged, confused and feeling faintly hunted. “One woman never has,” he said curtly. “I don’t want to be tied.”
“God forbid that I should try,” Abby said, forcing a smile. “Don’t worry, Calhoun, I was just…experimenting. I wondered why you were so rough with me the other morning, and I wanted to see if passion made people rough. I guess it does, because that’s how I felt tonight. Thanks for the…the lesson.”
He frowned slightly, searching her eyes. “Is that all it felt like. An experiment? A lesson in making love?”
“Tyler said I needed teaching,” she said with a yawn, missing the flash of fury in his face. “But I don’t anymore.” She closed her eyes and turned her face against the pillow. “I’m sleepy.”
Calhoun sat watching her, his eyes stormy. She’d used him. That was all she’d wanted. She’d been experimenting, seeing how it felt to be touched. Damn her!
He got up, glaring at the lacy bra he’d removed from her soft breasts just before she’d let him touch them. Let him! God, she’d helped him! His blood ran hot at the memory of how uninhibited she’d been with him tonight. Had she been competing with Shelby, or had it been curiosity alone? Could she care about him and be hiding it? And how did he feel? Did he just want her physically, or was it more than that? Could he bear the loss of his freedom? Because it would come to that if he took her. Marriage. Trap.
He tossed the bra onto the chair beside her bed and took a long last look at her sleeping face. She didn’t need to be blond. She was exquisite. Her long hair was spread out around her, her lashes were feathering her flushed cheek, and her parted lips were pink and faintly swollen because he’d been hungry. She was delicious. Virginal and sweet-tasting and exquisitely beautiful without her clothes. He wondered if he’d ever get over the taste of her—if he’d be able to forget. Hell, would he ever be able to have another woman, or would the memory of Abby always stand in the way?
He opened the door and went out, closing it quietly behind him. He should never have touched her in the first place, he thought furiously.
He had to get away for a while. Far away, so that he could think things through. Now that he’d touched Abby, it was going to be the purest kind of hell keeping his hands off her. And Justin wouldn’t like having that sort of loveplay going on, not if it threatened Abby. Calhoun knew that if he took Abby into his arms again, it wasn’t going to end with a few kisses. He wanted her too badly, and she was too responsive. He aroused her as no man ever had. That meant she’d give herself to him with hardly any coaxing. Calhoun was terrified that he might lose his head and take her.
He didn’t want marriage. He didn’t want ties. Abby wouldn’t understand that. In her world, lovemaking meant marriage. Maybe in his, too, when the woman was a virgin. He didn’t like the noose she was tying around his neck, but he hated the thought of never touching her again almost as much.
She was heaven to love. Her mouth was young and sweet and so eager to learn. Her body was nectar. Just the sight of it made him drunk, not to mention the exquisite feel of it between his hands, under his skin.
Abby, he groaned inwardly as he made his way to his own room. He couldn’t have her and he couldn’t give her up. He didn’t know what in hell he was going to do. Maybe when he got back from wherever he wound up he would have reached a decision.
He sat down at the small desk in a corner of his room and wrote Justin a note telling him he was going away for a few days to check on some stockers in Montana. Justin might think it strange, but Abby wouldn’t. He wondered how she was going to feel when she woke up and found him gone. He hoped she wouldn’t even remember what they’d done in her bed together. But even if she did, that was going to be one private memory. Abby wouldn’t share it any more than he would.
Chapter Eight (#ulink_dcc8d7a2-af94-515e-ae80-a486636baff8)
Abby groaned the minute the light got to her eyes. She had the world’s biggest headache, and nausea sat in the pit of her stomach like acid.
She managed to get on her feet and into the bathroom, where she bathed her face with cold water and pressed a cold cloth against her eyes. She remembered drinking whiskey in the study with Justin. Then Calhoun had taken her to bed, and—
Her head jerked up. In the mirror her eyes looked wild, and her paleness had been eclipsed by a scarlet blush. She’d let Calhoun see her. Worse, she’d let him touch her. She swallowed. Well, at least she remembered that he’d stopped before she’d gone to sleep, so nothing unspeakable had happened, thank God. As more of the details of her eagerness came back, she groaned in embarrassment. She’d never be able to look at him again, although what had happened would make the sweetest of memories to tuck in a corner of her mind for solace in her old age. Calhoun would never settle down or fall in love with her. He’d be forever out chasing his blondes. But this was something of him that Abby would always have. A tiny crumb of loving to live on.
Now she understood what had happened that morning in her room. He hadn’t been rough on purpose. He’d wanted her. It gave her the oddest feeling of pride that she could have thrown him that far off balance. She was almost sure that no other woman ever had. Looking back, she thought she must have seemed terribly naive to him for reacting that way to an intimate kiss. But at the time his actions had seemed shocking and frightening. For all her dreams about Calhoun, she hadn’t realized what the reality of his lovemaking would be like. Now that she knew, it was like an addiction. She wanted more. But could she afford the risk of letting him that close again?
A sob racked her slender body. Well, she had to get herself together. She had to remember her pride. She held her aching head. She had to remember, most of all, to never accept a drink of whiskey from Justin again! Or from anyone, for that matter. Drowning one’s sorrows was vastly overrated. She’d tried it, and now she knew that it only brought hangovers, not oblivion.
She put on a gray slacks suit with a blue blouse, left her hair around her shoulders because she was hurting too much to worry with putting it up, and pulled on a pair of sunglasses. Then she felt her way down the staircase and into the dining room.
Justin was sitting at the table with his head in his hands. He was dressed in jeans and a blue checked shirt, and when he looked up, his eyes looked even worse than Abby’s.
“Nice touch,” he remarked, noticing the dark glasses. “I wish I had mine, but they’re out in the car.”
“You look like I feel,” Abby said as she sat down, very gently, in the chair beside him, grimacing because even that slight jarring made her head feel like bursting. “How are we going to work today?”
“Beats me,” Justin replied. “Calhoun’s gone.”
Her heart skipped a beat, and she was glad she was wearing dark glasses. “Is he?”
“Skipped town. Gone to Montana to look at stockers, or so he said.” He fumbled for a cigarette and lit it. “I’m rather disappointed. I had consoled myself all morning with the thought of beating the hell out of him for last night.”
“How selfish,” Abby muttered as she tried to pour herself a cup of hot coffee from the carafe. “I ought to get in a lick or two of my own.”
“I’ll sit on him, you can hit him,” Justin offered. He sipped black coffee and smoked quietly.
Abby took one swallow of her coffee and sat back, feeling miserable. “Weren’t we singing something?” she thought, frowning. “Oh, yes, I remember….” She launched into a few measures of the song. Justin went white, and Maria came running out of the kitchen, beet red, waving her apron.
A tidal wave of Spanish hit Abby between the eyes, delivered in a scolding, furious tone. “For shame, for shame!” Maria wound up breathlessly, crossing herself. “Where you learn such terrible language?”
Abby stared at her blankly. “Justin taught me,” she said.
Justin had his face in his hands. Maria launched into him, and he replied in the same tongue, a little sheepishly. Maria shook her head and stormed out of the room.
“What did I say?” Abby asked him, wide-eyed.
He took a slow breath. “You don’t want to know,” he said finally. “I think you’d better forget the song, Abby, or we’re going to be eating burned meals for a month.”
“You taught it to me,” she pointed out.
He groaned. “I was sauced. That was a drinking song I learned when I was barely out of school from one of the Mexican boys I used to pal around with. I didn’t even remember it until last night, and I never should have taught it to you.”
“It’s all Calhoun’s fault,” she said.
“I wonder why he started it?” Justin asked, watching her. “He didn’t show any signs of wanting to dance until he saw you and Tyler.”
Abby shifted restlessly in her chair. “Well, he doesn’t want me,” she said miserably. “Not on any permanent basis, anyway. He told me last night that he was a bad marriage risk. He likes variety, you see.”
“Most men do, until they find themselves so hopelessly enthralled with one woman that they can’t even look at anyone else,” Justin said tersely, staring at his coffee.
“Is that why you spend all your time alone?” she asked gently, searching his hard, drawn face. “Because your world begins and ends with Shelby?”
He glared at her. “Abby…”
“Sorry.” She sipped the coffee. “It’s just that I know how it feels now.” She traced the pattern of her lipstick on the edge of the cup. “I feel that way about your stupid, blind brother.”
The brief anger left his face, and he smiled gently. “I could pretend to be surprised, but I’m not. You’re pretty obvious. On the other hand,” he added, tilting his head back, “so is he. In all the years Calhoun’s been dating, this is the first time I’ve ever seen him behave as if he were jealous.”
Abby bit her lower lip. “He…wants me,” she said. She couldn’t look at him as she said it.
“Of course,” he replied carelessly, smiling at her shocked expression. “Abby, for a man that’s a big part of caring about a woman.”
“I guess I don’t know very much about men,” she said with a sigh. “In fact, I don’t know anything. Except that I want to live with him all my life, and have children with him, and look after him when he’s sick, and keep him company when he’s lonely.” She bit her lower lip. “So, that being the case, Justin, I think I’d better get out while I still can. Before something happens and Calhoun winds up trapped.” She looked up at Justin, her fear plain in her eyes. “You understand, don’t you?”
He nodded. “I think you’re very wise, Abby. If he cares enough, he’ll come after you. If he doesn’t…you might save both of you a lot of heartache by heading off trouble.” He shrugged. “But I’ll miss having you around.”
“I’ll come back and visit.” She sipped more coffee, and as she began to feel a little better she took off her dark glasses. “Can I still have my twenty-first birthday party here?”
“Sure,” he said readily.
“You may not approve of my guest list,” she added gently.
He took a deep breath. “Tyler Jacobs will be on it, I gather.”
“And Shelby.” He glared at her, and she smiled hesitantly. “Justin, I can’t very well invite him and not her. How would it look?”
“Calhoun might—” He stopped short.
Abby lifted her chin. “I have to stop caring what Calhoun does, and so do you. And if you don’t like Calhoun paying attention to Shelby, why not do something about it?” she added impishly. “You might get her drunk and teach her that terrible song.”
He almost smiled. “I did once,” he said, his dark eyes softening at the memory. “The night we got engaged.” Then he flinched and got up from the table. “I’ve got to try and go to work. How about you? Can you make it?”
“Of course I can.” She stood up, feeling as wobbly as he looked. She glanced at him ruefully. “Shall we flip a coin and see who drives?”
He chuckled. “I think I’d better. I’ve got more practice at it than you have. Come on.”
They muddled through the day, and at the end of it Abby called Mrs. Simpson and asked if she could go ahead and move in later that week. The older woman was delighted and promised to have the room ready. Then, with a heavy heart, Abby began to pack up her things, getting ready to say goodbye to the only home she’d known for the past five and a half years. Worst of all was the realization that once she left it she’d probably never see Calhoun again. Although she hadn’t mentioned it to Justin yet, she’d decided to quit her job at the feedlot, too. The prospect of seeing Calhoun every day, knowing that he wanted her but had no love for her, would tear her heart out.
Justin and two of the cowhands helped her get her possessions over to Mrs. Simpson’s house. Since the room was furnished, she hadn’t tried to take furniture with her, but she had plenty of clothes and records and books to carry. Her stereo and her color television went with her, along with her memorabilia. It was easier to think about living elsewhere with her belongings around. But after having a home of her own, even if she had shared it with the brothers, it was hard to adjust to a small apartment in someone else’s house.
She gave notice at the feedlot the very next day. It was hard, but Justin seemed to understand. He didn’t say a word. He just smiled.
But Calhoun didn’t understand. He came back unexpectedly in the middle of the following week, and when Abby came back from lunch it was to find him sitting on the corner of her desk, looking worn and smoking like a furnace.
She stared at him with eyes that adored him. It had only been a few days. A little over a week. But she’d ached for him. To be without him was like having part of her body cut away, and she didn’t know how she was going to manage to hide her feelings from him.
He was wearing a beige suit with a striped shirt, and his blond hair gleamed clean and thick in the light from the office window. He scowled over his cigarette.
She straightened the skirt of her pale blue dress nervously, waiting for him to look up. Then he did, and she saw the darkness of his eyes, the faint shadows under them.
He looked at her for a long time, oblivious to the noise around them, the ringing telephones, the buzz of printers. He looked at her until she felt uncomfortably warm and she blushed.
“You’ve moved out,” he said without preamble.
“Yes,” she replied huskily.
“And you’ve put in your notice here.”
She took a deep breath, moving a little closer. He smelled of spice and soap, and she stared unconsciously at his mouth, remembering its exquisite sweetness on her lips. “I…I’m going to work for George Brady and his father,” she said. “At the insurance office. I’m used to working with forms, so it won’t be so unfamiliar.”
“Why?” he ground out.
She smoothed her lower lip with her tongue, looking up at him with soft, wounded eyes.
“Here,” he muttered, catching her arm. He pulled her into his office and closed the door behind them, frowning down at her. He didn’t let go even then. His fingers were warm and firm through her soft sleeve, and their touch made her tingle.
“You know I can’t stay in the house anymore,” she whispered. “You know why.”
“Are you that afraid of me?” he asked quietly.
She shifted restlessly, letting her eyes slide down to his firm jaw. “I’m afraid of what could happen.”
“I see.”
It was embarrassing to talk to him about it, but he had to know how vulnerable she was. It wasn’t anything he hadn’t guessed. She studied his patterned red tie carelessly.
“I suppose I sound conceited,” she added. “But…but if you—” Her eyes closed. “I’m vulnerable,” she whispered. Her lower lip trembled, and she bit it. “Oh, Calhoun, I’m so vulnerable—”
“Don’t you think I know?” he said under his breath, and the eyes that met hers were dark with emotion. “Why do you think I left?”
She couldn’t look at him anymore. She felt naked. “Well, I’m saving you from any more complications,” she said tightly. “I won’t be around.”
He couldn’t seem to breathe. His cigarette had burned out, and it hung in his hand, as dead as he felt. “Is that what you want?”
She straightened. “Tyler’s taking me to dinner tonight,” she said out of the blue, just to let him see that she wasn’t going to try to hang on to him or act lovesick. “He’s got a job, too, by the way. He’s going to manage old man Regan’s ranch for him. In no time at all he’ll be settled and able to take on more responsibilities.”
Calhoun’s heart felt like lead in his chest. Was she saying what he thought she was? Was she implying that she might marry Tyler?
“You don’t love him,” he said harshly.
She looked up. “I don’t need to,” she replied quietly. “Love isn’t anything. It’s just an emotion that blinds people to reality.”
“Abby!” he burst out. “You can’t believe that?”
“Look who’s talking.” She glared at him. “You’re the one who said it was for the birds, aren’t you? You’ve never let your emotions get in the way of a good time!”
He took a slow, steadying breath, and his dark eyes searched hers in the static silence that followed. “Maybe that was true a few years ago,” he admitted, his voice deep and slow and measured. “I’ve never had any trouble attracting women, and I had a sizable appetite back then. But I learned that sex by itself has very little flavor, and it didn’t take long to realize that most of those women were trading their bodies for what I could give them.” He laughed bitterly. “How would that appeal to you, tidbit? Being traded a few kisses and a night in bed for a car or a coat or some expensive jewelry, so that you never could be sure that it was you or your wallet they really wanted?”
She’d never heard him talk like this. He never had, at least not to her. She searched his face, finding cynicism and faint mockery in his smile, in his hard eyes.
“You’re very attractive,” she replied. “Surely you know that.”
His big shoulders rose and fell. “Plenty of men are,” he said without conceit. “But I’m rich with it. My money has appeal.”
“Only to a certain type of woman,” she reminded him. “One who doesn’t want ties or emotional liabilities. One with mercenary tendencies who could walk away from you if you lost everything, or if you were sick or old.” She smiled gently. “I suppose you liked that, too. You could be independent and still enjoy yourself.”
He frowned a little, watching her. “I haven’t had a woman since the night you went to the strip show,” he said quietly.
She didn’t want to hear about his love life. She turned her head. “You had dates….”
“Well, my God, I can date women without seducing them!”
“It’s none of my business.” She started to reach for the door-knob, but his big, warm hand engulfed hers, sensuously caressing her fingers as he moved closer, drowning her in the clean cologne-rich scent of him.
“Make it your business,” he said tautly.
She looked up at him slowly, searchingly. But there was nothing readable in his face or his eyes or even the set of his head. It was like trying to learn from stone. “I don’t understand,” she said, her voice faltering.
“I don’t like bridles,” he said shortly. “I don’t like the thought of ropes around me, or a ring through my nose. I hate the thought of marriage.” He grimaced, but his eyes held hers. “But you’re in my blood,” he breathed. “And I don’t know what to do about it.”
“I won’t sleep with you,” she said with quiet pride. “And yes, I want to.” She laughed bitterly. “More than I want to breathe.”
“Yes. I knew that when I left.” He touched her hair, smoothing it, tracing its length down to her shoulder with a possessive touch that made her tremble. “I know all too well how you feel about me. I suspected it the night you went to that bar with Misty and you whispered that you wished you were blond….” His dark eyes lanced up to her shocked ones. “And the night of the square dance cinched it. I did a lot of thinking while I was away. I managed to put two and two together at last.”
She felt as if he’d cut the ground from under her feet. Stark naked. She’d thought her secret was safe, and now it wasn’t.
“You don’t need to deny it,” he added when he saw her expression. “There’s no reason to. I’m not going to make fun of you or try to embarrass you. But I told you the night I left how I felt. I’m twelve years older than you. I’m a rounder, and I haven’t ever tried abstinence. You’re even my ward. If I had any sense I’d let you go and wave you off, laughing. You’re a complication I don’t want or need.”
“Thanks,” she said shortly. Her face was flaming. It was embarrassing to have him see right through her, when she hadn’t realized how transparent she must be to an experienced man.
“That’s what my mind is telling me,” he added, laughing with faint mockery as he moved closer. “Now let me show you what my body says—”
She opened her mouth to protest, but his lips covered hers before she could speak. His kiss was warm and slow, and when his hands went to her hips and pulled them against his and he let her feel the blatant hunger of his body, she gave in.
“So soft,” he whispered as he brushed his lips over her mouth. “So sweet. I dream about kissing you. I dream about your body and the way you are with me when I make love to you. I want you more than I’ve ever wanted a woman in my life.”
“That’s…physical,” she protested.
“That’s all I can offer you,” he replied. His lips moved to her eyelids, closing them with kisses. “Now do you see, Abby? I’ve never loved anyone. I’ve never wanted that. All you can have of me is this.”
She swallowed. What a bitter, hopeless relationship that would be. She loved him with all her heart, and all he had to offer her was his body.
He tasted the tears before he saw them. His blond head lifted, and he winced at the sight of her drenched blue-gray eyes. “Oh, God, don’t,” he breathed, wiping the wetness away with his thumbs.
“Let me go, please,” she pleaded, pushing at his broad, hard chest.
“You want something I can’t give you.”
“I know that now,” she whispered. She bit on her lower lip to stop it from trembling, and stared at his tie. “I guess I was never cut out to be a mercenary blonde,” she said with an attempt at humor, feeling his body stiffen as she made the remark. She looked up then, with drenched eyes that couldn’t hide her hunger for his heart. “But I would have loved you so—”
“Abby,” he groaned. His mouth silenced her, ardently, roughly. He wrapped her up in his hard arms, kissing her with such force that her head bent back against his arms, and still he didn’t stop, couldn’t stop. He began to tremble faintly, the hunger a living thing in him, torturously sweet.
But Abby couldn’t bear the bitter mockery of a kiss that screamed of pity and desire. She twisted her mouth from under his and buried her face in his jacket, her hands gripping the fabric as she shook with frustrated need.
“I’m young,” she whispered after a minute. “I’ll get over you.”
“Will you?” His voice sounded odd. His big hands were in her hair, holding her head to him. They were just a little unsteady, and the chest under her forehead was shuddering with the force of his heartbeat.
“I’ll have to,” she said. She took a slow, soft breath. “It was enough that you and Justin have taken care of me all these years,” she murmured. “I can’t expect anything more from you. I shouldn’t have. It was…just proximity, and a huge crush, and…and curiosity, that’s all. I didn’t mean—”
“Stop it,” he said harshly. He pulled her closer, enfolding her in his big arms, holding her, rocking her. “My God, stop it. Am I laughing at you? Am I making fun of how you feel, or trying to shame you for it? I never should have said that to you at the feedlot that day about hating the way you looked at me. I didn’t mean it. I wanted you so badly all I could think about was getting you out of the car before I lost my head.” He laughed coldly. “And a hell of a lot of good it did. I lost it anyway, that morning in your room, and scared the hell out of you.”
“I didn’t understand what intimacy was until then,” she confessed quietly.
“And the way I was holding you made you all too aware of what I wanted,” he added with a faint laugh.
She flushed. “Yes.”
He smoothed her hair, noticing the way her body was resting against his, so trustingly, even though he was just as aroused now as he had been the morning he’d mentioned. “And now it doesn’t frighten you, does it?” he whispered, tilting her eyes up to his.
She searched his face softly. “No. Nothing about you frightens me or embarrasses me.”
He touched her cheek, her mouth, and his powerful legs trembled at the contact with hers. “Not even knowing how badly I want you?”
She shook her head. “Not even that. I—” She dropped her gaze.
“You—” He made her look at him. “Say it,” he whispered. “Say the words. I want it all.”
She should have denied how she felt. Or run. Something. “I love you,” she whispered with faint anguish in her tone.
His eyes caressed her face. “Such big eyes,” he breathed. “So soft. So full of secrets.” He bent and drew his mouth tenderly against hers. “You’re very special to me, Abby. Part of my life. I wish I could give you what you want. I wish I could give you back those words and offer you a future. But that would cheat us both ultimately. Marriage should be a joint commitment, with a foundation of shared love.” He sighed bitterly. “I…don’t know how to love. Justin and I were raised by our father, Abby. Our mother died when I was born. We never had a woman’s touch, and until your mother came along, Dad went from one woman to another like a bee to pollen.” He toyed with a strand of her hair. “I don’t understand commitment, because I never got a good look at it. The only thing I know about love is that it doesn’t last. Look at Justin. See what happened to him because it all went wrong.”
“At least he took the chance,” she said gently. “And it does last. Or didn’t you see how Justin and Shelby looked at each other while they were dancing?”
“Is that your idea of a perfect relationship?” he asked with a cold laugh. “A little love, followed by years of hating each other?”
“What’s your idea of perfection, Calhoun?” she replied. “A succession of one-night stands and a lonely old age at the end of the road, with no family, no one to love you, nothing to leave behind?”
He scowled down at her. “At least I won’t die of a broken heart,” he said.
“No,” she replied. “You won’t.” She pushed at his chest, but he wouldn’t move. “Let me go, please.”
“Why?”
“Because I’ve got a lot of work to get through.”
“And a date with Tyler,” he added mockingly.
She glanced up. “Tyler is solid, capable, very masculine and a good marriage risk. He isn’t afraid of commitment. He’ll make a good husband.”
“You aren’t marrying Tyler,” he said shortly.
“Not unless he asks me,” she agreed.
“You aren’t marrying him even if he does.”
“How do you plan to stop me?” she asked curiously.
“Guess.”
She cocked her head, staring up at his stubborn face. “Why bother? You don’t want me, except in bed. I want someone who can love me.”
He shifted restlessly. “Maybe love can be taught,” he said uncomfortably. He stared down at her hands on his chest. “Maybe you could teach me how.”
She didn’t feel as if her feet were touching the floor anymore. Could she possibly have heard him say that?
“I’m only twenty,” she reminded him, “and your ward, and you don’t want commitment—”
His mouth covered hers in midsentence, tenderly probing, pushing at it, savoring it. “Kiss me, Abby,” he whispered into her mouth.
“I don’t want—” she tried to protest.
“Love me, baby,” he breathed.
Her arms slid under his jacket and around him. She pressed close, holding him, giving him her mouth with all the wonder and generosity of her love for him. She felt his lips smile against hers, heard his soft breathing, and then he increased the pressure of his mouth and his arms and she went under in a maze of stars.
A long time later, he groaned and his mouth slid to her throat, his arms contracting as he tried to breathe. “That,” he whispered roughly, “was a mistake.”
She could hardly get her own breath, and she knew it was much harder for him. She smoothed his cool, thick hair, gently soothing him, comforting him as he fought for control.
Her lips pressed light, undemanding kisses to his cheek, his temple, his closed eyelids. He stood very still, giving her that freedom with a sense of wonder at how it felt to be caressed so tenderly.
His eyes opened when she stopped. “That was a nice touch,” he whispered, cupping her face in his warm hands. “Have you been talking to Misty again, or did you just think it might calm me down?”
“I read it in a book,” she confessed, lowering her flushed face.
“Reading about it and doing it are pretty different, aren’t they?” he asked gently.
“Yes.” She was still trying to breathe properly. Her fingers toyed with a button on his patterned shirt. He was warm, and she loved the feel and smell and closeness of his body towering over her.
“I’ve never made love to a virgin,” he whispered. His mouth touched her forehead with breathless tenderness. “I’d have to hurt you a little, maybe, at first.”
She felt waves of embarrassment wash over her at the vivid pictures in her mind. His big, nude body over hers in bed, covering her, his hands holding her…
“Does it always hurt?” she asked shyly.
“Not for a man,” he whispered, lifting his eyes to hers. “Not for you, either, if I could keep my head long enough to arouse you properly.”
Her heart was going like a trip hammer. “H…how…would you?”
He kissed the very tip of her nose. “Go out with me and I’ll show you.”
“On a date?” she whispered.
“Um hmm.” He nuzzled his cheek against hers. “Tomorrow night. I’ll take you to Houston. We’ll wipe out the bad memory of that last time there. We’ll dance and walk.” He brushed his mouth over her ear. “Remember, I have an apartment there,” he said slowly.
She closed her eyes. “No. I won’t go to your apartment.”
“It isn’t the last century,” he whispered. “We could be alone. We could make love.”
Her face flamed. “No,” she repeated.
“Abby…”
She pulled away from him, hating her own inhibitions and his attitude, as well. If he’d loved her, it might have been different. But he didn’t. He wanted her. And after that first time, she’d be just like every other woman he’d slept with. She’d be just another one of Calhoun Ballenger’s conquests, an ache that he’d satisfied and forgotten. A used toy.
“I have work to do,” she said, and tried to smile. “And…I don’t think I’ll go to Houston with you, thanks all the same.”
He realized only then what she thought. He’d made it sound as if he was going to round off the evening with a night in bed. He’d made it sound cheap, and that hadn’t been his intention at all. He’d meant that he’d make love to her, very light love, and then he’d take her home. He hadn’t meant—!
“Abby, no!” he burst out. “I didn’t mean what you think!”
She opened the door. “I have to go.” She went out, and he followed her, intent on having things out. But as he reached for her, Justin came in with two businessmen. Abby escaped into the bathroom, shaking, broken inside by hopelessness and rejection. Calhoun not only didn’t love her. Now he didn’t even respect her.
Chapter Nine (#ulink_4cfe387c-03c9-57e5-a61b-a222061ce224)
Abby was grateful that business kept Calhoun occupied for the next two days. She could hardly bear the thought of seeing him when he knew so well how she felt about him. And now that he’d reduced their relationship to a strictly physical one, some of the joy had gone out of life for her. She hadn’t expected that he’d actually proposition her. But if inviting her to his apartment wasn’t a proposition, what was it?
She managed to avoid him when he was in the office that Thursday and Friday, since things stayed hectic. Abby was training a new secretary, and Calhoun seemed reluctant to discuss their private lives around the other woman. She was a year older than Abby, bright and quick-witted. And, unfortunately, already stuck on Calhoun. She had a habit of sighing and batting her long eyelashes every time he passed her desk. Abby was glad Friday was her last day. Having to watch Calhoun with a potential new conquest—the girl was blond and very pretty—was just unbearable.
There was a small farewell party for Abby late Friday afternoon. Justin and Mr. Ayker and the women who worked in the office had taken up a collection to buy her a beautiful cardigan in a pale yellow shade. There was a cake, too, and Justin made a brief speech about how valuable she’d been to them and how they hated losing her. Calhoun wasn’t there. Abby left with mingled relief and disappointment. Apparently she wasn’t even going to get to say goodbye to him. Well, that suited her. She didn’t care if he was glad to be rid of her. Not one bit.
She cried all the way to Mrs. Simpson’s house because she didn’t care.
Tyler was right on time to take her to dinner. He looked good dressed up. He was wearing a navy blazer with tan slacks, a white shirt and a natty blue striped tie. He looked elegant and very masculine. His green eyes danced as Abby came downstairs in a gray crepe dress with a full skirt and a low, crosscut bodice with fabric buttons. Her hair was neatly styled, and she looked elegant and sexy.
“You look pretty,” he commented with a slow smile.
She curtsied. “So do you. Good night, Mrs. Simpson,” she called out. “I’ll be in by midnight!”
Mrs. Simpson came to the doorway, grinning. “Mind that no good-looking woman tries to take Ty away from you,” she teased.
“No chance of that,” he replied carelessly, smiling down at Abby. “This dishy lady is enough for me. Good night, Mrs. Simpson.”
“Good night,” the older woman replied. “Have fun.”
Tyler walked her out to his white Ford, opening the door for her. “I like your landlady. Her husband used to work for Dad. Did you know that?”
“She mentioned something about it,” Abby told him. “She’s a nice landlady.”
He got in, started the car and pulled out onto the road. “Do you miss the big house?”
“I miss the brothers,” she said quietly, fingering her small purse. “It’s hard getting used to my own company. There was always something going on at home.”
“Can I ask why you moved out?” he persisted, glancing in her direction.
She smiled at him. “No.”
His eyebrows arched wickedly. “Don’t tell me. Calhoun wrestled you down on the desk and tried to ravish you.”
Her face turned scarlet. She cleared her throat. “Don’t be absurd.”
He chuckled. “It isn’t absurd, considering the way he was watching you dance with me that night at the bar.”
“He was too busy dancing with Shelby to notice,” she murmured. “Justin went home and got drunk afterward,” she added, neglecting to mention her own participation.
“Shelby cried all night.” He sighed. “Hell of a thing, isn’t it, Abby, the way they still care about each other. Six years, and they’re as far apart now as they were then.”
“And both of them dying inside,” she added. She thought about herself and Calhoun and hoped that she wasn’t going to end up like Shelby, grieving for a man she could never have. She forced a bright smile. “Where are we going?”
“To that new Greek restaurant,” he told her. “They say the food is really good. Have you ever had Greek food?”
“No. I’m looking forward to trying it,” she said, and the conversation was back on safe territory again and away from the disturbing subject of Calhoun.
* * *
Meanwhile, Calhoun was pacing in Justin’s study at the house, his dark eyes black, his hands linked behind his back, scowling.
“Will you stop?” Justin muttered as he tried to add figures and ignore the distraction of his restless brother. “Abby’s not our responsibility anymore. She’s a grown woman.”
“I can’t help it. Tyler’s been around. He’s no boy.”
“So long as Abby isn’t interested in him, none of that will matter.”
Calhoun stopped pacing and glared at him. “And what if she is? What if she’s throwing herself at him on the rebound?”
Justin laid down his pencil. “Rebound from whom?” he asked, lighting a cigarette.
Calhoun rammed his hands into his pockets and stared out the dark window. “From me. She loves me,” he said quietly.
“Yes,” Justin replied, and for once his tone was sympathetic.
Calhoun hadn’t realized how much Justin knew. He turned, his dark eyes curious, wary. “Did she tell you?”
Justin nodded. He took a draw from the cigarette, watching it instead of his brother. “She’s young, but that could be an advantage. She isn’t cynical or world-weary or promiscuous like most of your women. And she hasn’t got a mercenary bone in her body.”
“She’d want marriage,” Calhoun replied tautly. “Happily ever after. I don’t know if I could adjust to being married.”
Justin looked up. “How are you going to take to a life without Abby in it?”
For an instant, Calhoun looked hunted. He stared at the carpet.
“And what if it doesn’t last?” he replied harshly. “What if it all falls apart?”
Justin blew out a cloud of smoke. “Love lasts. And if you’re worried about being faithful to her,” he added with a pointed stare, “you may find that fidelity isn’t all that difficult.”
Calhoun’s dark eyes snapped. “Oh, sure. Look at you. Happily ever after. Your perfect relationship fell apart,” he said, hurting and striking out because of it. “And how many women have you consoled yourself with in the past six years?”
Justin stared at him for a long moment, his eyes narrow and glittering. He smiled then, faintly. “None.”
Calhoun didn’t move. He hadn’t expected that answer, despite Justin’s clamlike attitude toward his private life.
“I had an old-fashioned idea that sex came after marriage with a woman like Shelby,” Justin said quietly. “So I held back. After she broke it off, I found that I wasn’t capable of wanting anyone else.” He turned away, oblivious to Calhoun’s shocked expression. “These days I find my consolation in work, Calhoun. I’ve never wanted anyone but Shelby since the day I met her. God help me, I still don’t.”
The younger man felt as if he’d been hit by a two-ton weight. His heart ran wild. Justin’s words echoed in his mind. He couldn’t even feel desire for the ravishing blonde Abby had seen him with in Houston. He hadn’t felt it with anyone since that night he’d brought Abby home from the bar and seen her naked to the waist. Was that what he had to look forward to? Would he end up like Justin, imprisoned in desire for the one woman he couldn’t have, alone for the rest of his life because he was incapable of wanting another woman?
“I didn’t realize,” Calhoun said quietly. “I’m sorry.”
Justin shrugged. “One of those things,” he said philosophically. He sat down behind his desk. “You may not believe in marriage, but you may find that a relationship can tie you up properly without a ring or a legal paper. And I’ll throw your own question right back at you,” he added, cocking his head at his brother. “How many women have you had since you noticed Abby?”
Calhoun’s face grew hard and remote. He glared at Justin, then turned and left the room.
Justin lifted an eyebrow and chuckled softly to himself as he bent over his figures again.
* * *
Abby had a nice supper with Tyler, and the moussaka she sampled was delicious, like the elegant baklava they had for dessert and the faintly resinous wine they drank with their meal. But while she was listening to Ty talk about his new job, she was thinking about the empty future, about living without Calhoun. She’d gotten used to listening for his step in the hall late at night as he went to his room, to seeing him across the table, to watching television with him, to being near him at work. Life was so empty now, so cold. She felt as if she’d never know warmth again.
“The only bad part of it is that I’m going to get loaned out,” Tyler was telling her resignedly as he drank a demitasse of Greek coffee after dessert. “Old man Regan has a daughter in Arizona who’s coping with a dude ranch and two of her nephews for the summer. I’m going to be sent out there to get the place in shape, I gather, while my assistant looks after things here.” He grimaced. “I hate dude ranches. And I don’t much care for the woman trying to run this one. Apparently she thought she could and talked Regan into it, but she seems to be losing her shirt.”
Abby glanced at him. “What’s she like, do you know?”
“I don’t have a clue. She’s probably one of those feminists who think men should have the children and women should earn the living. I’ll be damned if she’ll tell me how to do my job.”
Abby could see the fireworks already, and she smiled behind her cup at the mental image. Tyler was so much like Justin and Calhoun, a reactionary, a holdover from the old West. It would be fascinating to see how he coped with a modern woman.
He took her home minutes later, bending to kiss her cheek at the door of Mrs. Simpson’s house. “Thanks for keeping me company,” he grinned. “I enjoyed it.”
“So did I.” She smiled up at him. “You’re a nice man. Someday you’ll make some lucky girl a nice husband.”
“Marriage is for—”
“The birds,” she finished for him, sighing. “You and Calhoun ought to do an act together. You’ve got the chorus down pat.”
“No man wants to get married,” he told her. “Men get corralled.”
“Oh, sure they do,” she agreed. “By greedy, grasping, mercenary women.”
“I’d marry you in a minute, Abby,” he said. He was smiling, but he didn’t sound as if he were joking. “So if Calhoun slips the noose, you just throw it my way. I won’t even duck.”
“You doll.” She reached up and kissed his firm jaw. “I’ll remember that. Good night, Ty.”
“Good night. I’ll give you a call next week, okay?”
“Okay.”
She waved at him and then used her key and went inside. She climbed the stairs lazily, relaxed from the resinated wine and worn out from her long week of avoiding Calhoun. So it was a surprise to find the telephone ringing in her room, where she had her own private extension.
She put down her purse and sat on the bed to answer it. “Hello?”
A deep, familiar voice that made her pulse leap said, “Hello.”
“Calhoun?” she asked softly.
“I can’t sit up and wait for you anymore,” he said. “So I thought I’d make sure you got home all right.”
“I did.”
“Where did you go?”
She lay back on the bed, her head on the pillow. “To the new Greek place.”
“Ummm,” he murmured, sounding as if he were stretched out on his own bed. “I’ve been there for business dinners a time or two. Did you try the moussaka? It’s delicious.”
“Yes, that’s what I had, and some of that resinated wine. It’s very strong.”
He paused. “Did you come straight home?”
She almost smiled at his concern. “Yes, I came straight home. He didn’t even try to seduce me.”
“I don’t remember accusing him of it.”
She touched the receiver gently. “Is everything all right at the house?”
“I guess so.” There was a pause. “It’s lonely.”
“It’s lonely here, too,” she said.
Another pause. “I didn’t mean what you thought I did,” he said quietly. “I wouldn’t take you to bed on a bet. You aren’t the kind of woman to be used and thrown aside. I’m ashamed of you for thinking I could treat you like that after all these years.”
Her heart ran away. She clutched the receiver closer to her ear. “But you said—”
“I said we could go to the apartment and be alone,” he interrupted. “And that we could make love. I meant we could make a few memories and then I’d take you home.” He sighed. “I’d probably do it bent double, but I never had any intention of taking advantage of the situation.”
“Oh.”
“So now that we’ve cleared that up, how about dinner tomorrow night?” he asked.
She hesitated. “Calhoun, wouldn’t it be better if we just didn’t see each other again?” she asked quietly, even though it broke her heart to say the words.
“I’ve looked out for you, watched over you and ordered your life for years,” he replied. “Now you’re grown, and things have happened between us that I never expected. We can’t go back to the relationship we had, and we can’t be intimate. But there has to be a way that we can keep each other,” he said heavily. “Because I can’t quite put you out of my life, Abby. I hate like hell going past your room at night and knowing you aren’t in it. I hate watching television alone and sitting at a table alone when Justin has business dinners. I hate the feedlot because there’s going to be another woman at your desk.”
“She’s blond,” she reminded him.
“She isn’t you,” he said shortly. “Are you going to come with me or not?”
“I shouldn’t….”
“But you will,” he returned.
She sighed, smiling. “Yes.”
“I’ll pick you up at five.”
“Five?”
“We’re going to Houston, remember?” he laughed softly.
“Dining and dancing.”
“Just that, if it’s what you want,” he said gently. “I won’t even touch you unless you want it.”
“That apartment,” she asked hesitantly. “Have you…have you taken a lot of women there?”
He didn’t answer her immediately. “While I was away those few days, I moved. I changed apartments,” he said. “This one is across town from the one I had. And I’ve never taken a woman there.”
She wondered at the switch, wondered why he’d bothered. Surely it couldn’t be to protect her from the memory of his old life, in case one day she did go there with him?
“I see,” she murmured.
“No, I don’t think you do,” he replied, his voice deep and soft. “Not yet, anyway. I’d better let you get to sleep. It’s late.”
She didn’t want him to hang up. She searched for something to say, something to keep him on the line, but her mind was blank.
“You and Justin never came to blows over Shelby, I guess,” she asked then, because it had just occurred to her that Justin had threatened to punch Calhoun the morning after the square dance.
“Justin and I had a long talk,” he replied. “Not that I expect it to do any good. He’s too set in his ways to bend, and he won’t let Shelby get near him.”
“Maybe someday he’ll listen.”
“Maybe.” He sighed. “Five tomorrow. Don’t forget.”
As if she could! She touched the receiver as if she were touching him. “Good night.”
“Good night, sweetheart,” he said softly, and the line went dead.
She floated into her nightgown and into bed, hearing nothing but the endearment, that unexpected, beautiful word, until sleep finally claimed her.
It was the longest Saturday of Abby’s life. She tried to sleep late, but she couldn’t. She went downstairs and had breakfast with Mrs. Simpson and then she went back to her room and forced herself to watch television. Having Saturdays free was still new. At the feedlot, she’d always worked them. Now she had the whole weekend off, and she didn’t know what to do with herself.
Time dragged all day long. She went for a ride just to give herself something to do and wound up in town shopping for a new dress to wear on her date with Calhoun.
She came out with a pretty red patterned silk skirt and matching sweater. It brought out her tan and made her look sophisticated. She thought about having her hair cut, but she’d gotten used to its length. She experimented with different hairstyles for an hour, only to brush it out and leave it around her shoulders afterward.
She was dressed and ready at 4:30. She tried to get interested in a book while she waited. Those thirty minutes were going to be agony.
Apparently Calhoun felt the same way, because he showed up twenty minutes early.
She forced herself not to run to let him in, but she was breathless all the same as she looked up into his dark, quiet eyes.
“Hi,” she said.
He smiled slowly, gazing approvingly not only at her outfit but at her hairdo as well. “Hi,” he replied lazily.
He was wearing a charcoal-gray suit with pale gray handtooled leather boots and a pearl Stetson. He looked so handsome that Abby could hardly believe he was really taking her out on a date. It was so new, so unreal.
“Are you sure you want to take me out?” she asked unexpectedly, her eyes troubled as they met his. “You don’t feel sorry for me—?”
He put his thumb gently against her lips, silencing her. “I wouldn’t take you to the post office out of pity,” he replied. “Are you getting cold feet?” he added softly.
She grimaced and stared at his jacket. “Yes.”
“I won’t hurt you,” he said, his voice quiet and deep. “I won’t rush you or embarrass you.”
She bit her lower lip. “It’s just that it’s…new.”
“You’ll get used to it.” He moved restlessly. “Are you ready to go? I’m early, but I was afraid I’d get held up if I didn’t leave while I could.”
“Yes. I’ll just get my purse.”
She got her purse and her black velvet blazer, as well, and let him escort her out to the Jaguar. She got more nervous by the minute, which was absurd considering how long she’d dreamed of going anywhere with him. She could hardly talk, and her hands shook.
“How do you like living with Mrs. Simpson?” Calhoun asked on the way to Houston.
She smiled. “I like it very much.” Her fingers toyed with the handle of her purse. “I miss the house sometimes. It’s different, living alone.”
He glanced at her, his eyes narrow. “Yes.” He turned his eyes back to the road, frowning as he pulled a cigarette from the pack in his pocket and stuck it in his mouth. He reached for the car lighter, noticing her curious stare. “I’m nervous,” he said without thinking, and then he laughed at his own confession. “That’s one for the books, isn’t it, Abby, with my reputation?”
She felt warm all over. She smiled, her eyes carefully lowered. “I’m nervous, too,” she said.
“I’m not a virgin,” he reminded her as he put the lighter against the cigarette.
“Rub it in,” she sighed miserably.
“Don’t make it sound like leprosy,” he teased as he replaced the lighter in its hole beside the ashtray in the dash. “Frankly, I’ve had my fill of experienced women telling me what to do in bed.”
She stared at him, torn between curiosity and jealousy. “Do women really do that?”
His eyebrows arched. He hadn’t realized how innocent she really was. “Don’t you go to movies?”
“I tried,” she recalled. “You never would let me in to see the really good ones.”
He whistled softly. “Well, well.” His eyes brushed her slender body, then returned to the road. “You’ll take a lot of teaching, won’t you, tidbit?” he murmured.
She shifted against the seatbelt. “Which would probably bore you to death.”
“I don’t think so,” he mused. “After all—” he lifted the cigarette to his firm lips “—I could customize you.”
She gaped at him. “Now I’ve heard everything!”
“Tell me you’d hate being my lover, Abby,” he challenged softly, glancing her way.
She couldn’t. But she couldn’t quite admit the truth, either. She averted her face, burning with subdued irritation at his soft, predatory laughter.
They went to the same club where she’d seen him with the blonde, but this time was different. There seemed to be no barriers after the first few awkward minutes.
“I’ve never had rice made like this,” Abby remarked as she enjoyed the small portion that came with her roast beef au jus.
“With scallions, you mean? It’s unique. Like you,” he added, and she looked up to find his eyes steady on her face. Intent. Unblinking.
She gazed back at him. He made her feel giddy when he looked at her that way. Her whole body tingled.
And she wasn’t the only one affected. His heart was doing a tango in his chest at the way she was watching him, at her pleasure in his company. He even liked the way he felt himself, nervous and a little uncertain.
They finished their meal, and the dessert that followed it, in silence. As they lingered over a second cup of coffee, he finally spoke. “Want to dance?” he asked softly.
She swallowed. Her eyes traveled slowly over his big body, and just the thought of being pressed against him on the dance floor frightened her. She’d drown in pleasure, and he’d know it. He’d see how helpless she was, how vulnerable.
“I—don’t know,” she stammered finally, and swallowed the last spoonful of her apple pie.
“Are you really afraid to let me hold you in front of a roomful of people, Abby?” he asked with narrowed eyes.
She lifted her own gaze. “Yes.”
“Why?” he persisted.
Well, why not be honest, she thought fatalistically. “Because I want you,” she whispered softly, watching his expression become taut. “And because you’ll be able to see how much.”
Her lack of guile floored him. He couldn’t remember a single woman in his past being quite so straightforward about such things. He took a slow breath and reached across the table for her hand, turning it over to trace the palm tenderly with a long forefinger.
“I want you just as badly,” he said, watching her hand instead of her eyes. “And you’ll be able to feel how much, as well as see it. And I still want to dance with you.”
She was so hungry for him that her body was pulsing softly. Even having him know every thought in her mind, being vulnerable, didn’t seem to matter anymore. She worshiped him with her eyes, and he looked up and caught her in the act.
“Let’s stop pretending,” he said quietly. “Come here.”
He got up, drawing her with him. He led her to the small dance floor, where a band was playing a lazy tune, and when he pulled her close, she went without a murmur.
“Have you ever noticed how perfectly we fit together?” he asked against her hair as they moved to the music. His hand at her back contracted, bringing her even closer, and the sound of his voice at her ear was deliciously exciting. “I like the way you feel against me.”
She could tell that, because his body was beginning to react in a totally masculine way to her softness. She stiffened a little, but the caressing motion of his fingers on hers relaxed her.
“It’s all right,” he whispered. “I won’t hurt you.”
“I know that.” She closed her eyes, drowning in his nearness, in the music, in the magic.
He shuddered, a barely perceptible stiffening of his big body, and his hand pressed her against him for one wild second. “This is stupid,” he said tautly.
“I tried to tell you that,” she whispered shakily as her fingers contracted helplessly in his and she looked up into his eyes.
His jaw clenched. Everything she felt was in those worshipful eyes, in her face, in her body so soft against his. His mind whirled; he was floating. She wanted him.
“For God’s sake,” he groaned. “Let’s get out of here.”
Her gaze searched his hard, dark face, the eyes that blazed down into hers. He looked impossibly mature and experienced, and she knew she was out of her league. But she wanted to lie in his arms and let him love her. She wanted nothing in life more than to be alone with him now.
“I…” She swallowed. “I don’t know how…I’ve never had to…about precautions, I mean…”
He bent, brushing his hard mouth against her soft one briefly, silencing her. “Are you scared?”
“Yes.”
His nose nuzzled hers. “But you’d give yourself to me anyway.”
She clenched her teeth. “Yes.”
“And hate me afterward.”
Her slender shoulders lifted and fell. “No.”
Her expression touched him. “Do you love me that much?”
She lowered her eyes, but he tilted her chin up again and there was something new in his look, in his scrutiny of her face.
“Do you love me that much?” he whispered again.
Her eyes closed. “Yes!” she breathed.
His hand slid up her back into her long, thick hair and pulled her forehead against him, pressed it there as they moved to the rhythm of the music. “Precious,” he said in a tone that could have burned water. She hardly heard him over the wild beating of her heart. His lips smoothed her forehead, brushing it tenderly.
“I won’t make you pregnant,” he whispered. “Come with me.”
As if she had a choice, she thought shakily as she let him lead her off the dance floor. She’d never been so helpless in her life. All she could do was look at him with helpless need, love radiating from her oval face like fire from an open hearth.
He paid the bill and drew her out into the cold night air, tucked her in the car and drove across town without saying a single word.
Chapter Ten (#ulink_61e5f744-445c-5525-993f-47019cb343f7)
Calhoun had a penthouse apartment with a private elevator and a view of Houston that was breathtaking. It was furnished in tans and browns, with African carvings and weavings mingled with Western paintings and Indian rugs. It was an apartment that was welcoming despite its purely masculine ambience.
“Do you like it?” Calhoun asked, watching her from the closed door.
“Very much,” she said, smiling. “It suits you.”
He came into the room, his eyes never leaving her face. “How about something to drink? I can make coffee.”
She shifted her eyebrows. “Coffee?”
His dark eyes narrowed. “Just because you got drunk with Justin doesn’t mean you can expect the same courtesy here.”
She shifted restlessly, her purse clutched against her waist. “Well, I didn’t mean to get drunk with Justin.”
“I’ll bet the pair of you could hardly walk the next morning.”
“We sort of leaned on each other,” she confessed. She searched his hard face. “He was afraid you were going to use your experience to take Shelby away from him. He didn’t come right out and say so, but it was implied.”
“As if I could hurt him like that,” he said curtly. His dark eyes wandered quietly over her face, tracing every soft line. “Did you care that I danced with her?”
She turned toward the window. “I like the scenery,” she said, trying to change the subject, trying to breathe normally.
“Yes, I like it, too,” he said finally. “I wanted something with a view of the city. And I have to spend a lot of time here on business, so that makes it a good investment.”
She heard his steps coming closer, and she could feel his warmth at her back, smell the clean, spicy scent of him.
Her pulse jumped as his lean hands caught her waist and pulled her against his big body. She heard his breath and felt it in her hair as he wrapped her up in his arms from behind, rocking her lazily as they watched the city lights spread out below them.
He inhaled the floral scent of her body and the clean, shampooed softness of her hair all at the same time. He bent his head and brushed his mouth against her neck through her silky hair.
“I miss you,” he said softly. “You haunt me.”
“You’ll get used to not having me around,” she said sadly. “After all, up until five and a half years ago, you and Justin had the house all to yourselves.”
“And then you moved in,” he mused, linking his lean hands in front of her. “We got used to running feet and laughter, to music in the living room and movies on television and teenage girls in and out and hot-rodding young men speeding up the driveway.”
“You were both very tolerant for old bachelors,” she said. “Looking back, I guess I really cramped your style.”
He stiffened a little, because it was true. She had at first. But now it hurt to look back, to remember his furtive affairs, his hidden amours. It hurt to think that there’d ever been a woman in his arms except Abby.
“A woman in the dark is just a body,” he said softly. “And I never gave my heart, Abby.”
“Do you have one?” she asked.
He turned her gently, putting her hand on his chest, over his white silk shirt, against hard, warm muscle and thick hair. “Feel it beat,” he whispered.
“That isn’t what I meant.”
“I know.” He looked down at her hand, feeling his body tauten at the light touch. He moved her fingers across his chest to a hard male nipple and held her palm there, letting her feel.
She glanced up at him, her blue-gray eyes wide and searching as he stroked her hand against the hardness.
“That happens to women,” she whispered.
“And to men.” He gently pulled her closer, his hands moving into her hair as he bent his head. “Unbutton my shirt. I’m going to show you how to touch me.”
Her heartbeat sounded and felt unnaturally loud in the stillness of the room. But she didn’t protest. Her fingers fumbled with the buttons, and eventually she had the shirt out of his slacks and away from his broad, bronzed chest with its thick covering of hair.
He smiled at her faint embarrassment. “Here. Like this.” He pulled her hands against him in long, sensual strokes and watched their slender gracefulness as he drew them down to the wide belt around his slender hips. But when he tried to move them past it, she froze.
He searched her soft eyes quietly, sensing the turmoil in her heart. “You’re very innocent,” he said, his voice unusually deep and slow. “You’ve never touched a man intimately, have you?”
She traced a tiny pattern on his chest. “I’ve never done anything intimate with a man in my life, except with you.”
He was incredibly pleased to hear that. His chin lifted. “I need more than a few chaste kisses,” he said softly.
She flushed, staring at the heavy rise and fall of his chest. “I’m sorry.”
He bent abruptly and lifted her, cradling her against him as he turned and walked down the hall with her.
He went through an open door, and she turned her head to find a huge king-size bed with a cream-and-chocolate quilted cover over it in a darkened room.
“Calhoun, no,” she whispered, raising her eyes to his in the dimness of the heavily curtained room.
“I won’t even undress you,” he breathed, brushing her lips with his. “We’re going to make a little love, and then I’ll take you home. There won’t be a risk. I give you my word on it.”
“But you want me,” she whispered in protest when he slid her onto the coverlet and stretched out beside her, his body so close that she could feel how aroused he was.
“Of course I want you,” he said gently, smiling as he lay poised above her, his lean hands smoothing back her long, soft hair. “But there’s no risk involved, as long as you don’t do anything to knock me off balance.”
She searched his dark face, loving every inch of it. “How could I do that?” she whispered.
“By doing anything I don’t invite,” he murmured deeply. “Don’t touch me, or move against me, or kiss me unless I tell you how.” He moved down then, drawing his open mouth lazily over her lips until he managed to get between them. “That’s it,” he whispered. “Just relax.”
He was doing the most sensuous things to her mouth. It amazed her, the sensations he aroused so effortlessly. Her breath was already coming in gasps, and she felt her body tautening as what he did to her mouth began to affect the entire length of her.
“God, you’re sweet to kiss,” he whispered into her parted lips. “Come here, Abby.”
He abruptly rolled over onto his back and turned her with him so that she was above him, looking down into his dark, dancing eyes.
“That’s better,” he murmured. “Do you feel less threatened on top?”
She colored faintly, and he laughed. Then he drew her mouth down over his and opened it, and the laughter stopped.
She felt his hands moving her, lifting her. She was beside him, then over him, and he had her hips, bringing them down completely over his.
“Don’t do that,” he whispered when he felt her tautness. “Just lie still and let me feel your body over mine.”
She felt shaky. She trembled as his tongue began to probe gently around her lips and past them, teasing its way into the sweet darkness of her mouth.
She caught her breath, and he heard it. His dark eyes opened, looking up at her.
“They call it a soul kiss,” he said softly. “It’s intimate and wildly arousing and very, very suggestive. Let me kiss you that way.”
She felt her legs tremble where they touched his. “You…you’re already wildly aroused,” she whispered unsteadily.
“I’m going to make you that way, too,” he murmured. He turned her slowly so that she was on her back. His long, powerful leg insinuated itself between hers.
She stiffened as she felt his big, muscular body spread over hers, pushing her down into the mattress. His masculinity was blatant now. The intimacy was shocking, and the sensations it caused were a little frightening.
He saw her fear, and his hands slid into her hair, caressing as he let his weight down on her slender body, his elbows catching a little of it as he moved.
“I won’t hurt you,” he said softly. “Lie very still for me, Abby. I want to show you what passion is.”
“I already know…oh!” She clenched her teeth. Her nails bit into the fine fabric of his jacket, and her eyes widened in shock when he moved against her. She felt him in a way that turned her face blood red with embarrassed knowledge, and a tiny cry forced its way out of her throat.
His mouth covered hers. His tongue teased, probed, withdrew, probed again and began a taunting invasion that was every bit as intimate as his huge, softly moving body on hers. She moaned. She grasped him. She bit at his firm, chiseled lower lip. Her tongue shyly grasped him. She bit at his firm, chiseled lower lip. Her tongue shyly encountered his and began to fence with it. She began to shudder, and so did he, and just when she was going under for the third time he slid away from her and gathered her against his side, holding her cheek to his shoulder while the trembling grew.
“Calhoun.” Her voice broke.
“It’s all right,” he whispered. “I’ll make it bearable.”
His big hands found her jacket and eased it off. He unfastened the sweater where it buttoned over one shoulder, and levered it up lazily, unfastening the hooks of her lacy bra and tugging the whole of her upper covering over her head and moved it aside.
She started to cover herself, but his mouth was suddenly on her breasts, and what he did to them was too sweet, too addictive to protest.
She gave in, arching toward his mouth, drowning in his ardor. He knew exactly what to do, how to arouse her to a fever pitch. She let him, welcomed him, her body fluid in his hands, her voice softly inciting him.
He sat up for just a minute, long enough to strip off his jacket and shirt. Then he was poised over her, vibrantly male with his hair-roughened chest bare and muscular, his eyes glittering with desire as they caressed her own bareness.
“I can’t stop you,” she whispered shakily, tears stinging her eyes as she watched him come to her. “I don’t want to stop you.”
“I want to hold you like this,” he whispered, levering his chest over her bare, aroused breasts, rubbing softly against her body. “Isn’t it sweet, Abby? Skin against skin. Breast to breast in the darkness, mouth to aching mouth…Kiss me, sweetheart. Open your mouth and kiss me until you can’t bear the wanting any longer.”
She did. Her arms held him, trembling, her body welcomed the crush of his. The mattress moved under them and the air washed over her body while his mouth fed on hers, seduced hers, intimate and ardent and tender.
His mouth lifted seconds later, and he looked into her eyes in the faint light from the hall. “I don’t think I can stop,” he whispered, his voice oddly husky.
“I don’t want you to stop,” she moaned. “Oh, Calhoun, please, please…please!”
His mouth slid down to her breast, taking it inside. His hand went to the fastening of her skirt and loosened it. His lean fingers slid onto the soft skin of her belly, pressing there, savoring the soft skin.
“The…risk,” she whispered shakily.
“Of a child?” he murmured against her breasts. He nuzzled her soft skin with his cheek, his eyes closed, the scent of her all around him, in his blood. His hand slid under her hips, lifting them hungrily into the hard contours of his own, holding her there with undisguised passion. “For the first time in my life, I’m not afraid of the consequences, Abby.”
His mouth was over hers again, and she wasn’t quite sure she’d heard him. Her mind was on fire, her body was burning. Her legs moved helplessly against his. She wanted him. She wanted all of him. She moaned as she tried to get closer, to absorb him, possess him. She felt savage and wild. She wanted to join with him, to be a part of the massive, muscular body that was slowly driving her mad.
Her arms reached up, her fingers tangled in his thick blond hair as she moved her hips sensually under his in movements that made him cry out.
“Abby—!” he bit off, shuddering.
“I love you,” she sobbed.
His mouth was over hers, and he began to remove her skirt with unsteady hands. It was going to happen. Here, now, she was going to know him in every way there was.
But in the middle of her feverish pleas, there was the sudden, unexpected pealing of the doorbell.
He paused, his body racked by shudders. “Oh, my God,” he said, choking.
“Don’t answer it,” she whispered tearfully.
He lifted his head, pushing back sweaty hair. He was gasping for breath, his body vibrating with frustrated need, driving urgency. He shuddered. “I can’t get up,” he whispered with a hollow laugh. He pushed away from her and lay on his stomach, groaning, his lean hands speared into the pillow, crushing it.
Abby didn’t know what to do. She knew better than to touch him. She lay there, not moving, sanity coming back slowly. She concentrated on trying to breathe while her heartbeat shook her.
The doorbell kept ringing. After a moment, Calhoun managed to sit up. He looked a little foggy as he got to his feet, but he was breathing almost normally.
“Are you all right?” she whispered shyly.
“I’m all right,” he said softly. “Are you?”
At least he wasn’t angry. “Yes,” she replied, her tone equally soft.
He took a steadying breath and got to the door. Unexpectedly he switched on the light and turned to look at her, his eyes narrow, full of possession and something violent, dark, hungry.
Her breasts were mauve and peach, exquisitely formed, taut with arousal. Where he’d pulled her skirt down, he could see the graceful curve of her hips below her small waist.
“God, I could die looking at you,” he said huskily. “I’ve never seen a woman so perfect.”
She flushed, but the intensity of his delight in her was overwhelming. She sat up slowly, watching his gaze move to the firm thrust of her breasts, and she felt herself go hot with pride and pleasure.
He looked up then, catching the light in her eyes. “You belong to me now,” he said. “As surely as if I hadn’t stopped. We’ll work out the details later, but there won’t be anyone else for me from this night on. I’ll never touch another woman until I die.” And with that quiet, terse statement, he turned and left the room.
Abby wasn’t sure she hadn’t dreamed the whole thing. She got into her clothes in a daze, shaking with pent-up emotion. She wanted to cry and scream and laugh and dance.
He was talking to someone. His voice was curt and almost angry. Frowning, Abby stepped out into the hall, her mouth swollen, her hair in tangles, her silk skirt hopelessly wrinkled. As she went into the living room, she recognized Calhoun’s guest. It was the blonde from the restaurant, the one he’d taken out the night Abby had gone to dinner with Justin.
“So that’s why you didn’t have time for me,” the older woman said when she saw Abby. “My God, she’s barely out of school!”
“Abby, go back into the bedroom,” Calhoun said.
“Yes, Abby, go and hide,” the blonde added viciously, although tears were visible in her big eyes.
But Abby didn’t. She went quietly to Calhoun and slid her hand trustingly into his.
“I love him with all my heart,” Abby told the other woman. “I guess you probably do, too, and I’m sorry. But I’d rather die than lose him.”
The blonde looked at her for a long moment, and then at Calhoun. “It would have served you right if she hated you, as many hearts as you’ve broken,” she cried, her lower lip trembling. “But that won’t ever happen, any more than you’ll ever love any one of us. Not even she can reach that stone you call a heart!” She turned to Abby. “You’ll never have all of him.” She laughed bitterly. “All he can give you is his body, and he’ll soon get tired of yours and go off to conquer new worlds. Men like him don’t settle down, honey, so if you’re looking for happy endings, you’d better run like hell.”
She gave Calhoun a final, bitter glance and was gone as quickly as she’d arrived.
Calhoun closed the door, his face hard, unyielding.
“I’m sorry you had to hear that,” he said quietly.
“So am I.” Abby searched his eyes sadly, wondering if the other woman was right about his lack of feeling. Perhaps she should run. But how could she, when she loved him?
His eyes narrowed as he saw the indecision and fear in hers. “You don’t trust me, do you?” he asked. “You think she might be right, that you can’t have a future with me.”
“You said yourself that you didn’t want to be tied,” she replied. “I understand.” She dropped her eyes. “Maybe I’m too young for marriage anyway. I’ve never been out on my own at all. I’ve hardly even dated. Maybe what I feel for you is just a crush and my first taste of desire.”
She didn’t really mean what she’d just told him, but it gave him an out if he wanted one. He’d wanted her in the bedroom, and perhaps he’d said things he didn’t really mean. She didn’t want him to feel obligated just because they’d almost gone too far.
But Calhoun didn’t realize that she was trying to save him from himself. He took her words at face value and felt their impact as if they were bullets. She was telling him that she wasn’t sure she loved him, and at the worst possible moment. When she’d put her slender hand so trustingly in his, he’d known for the first time what he felt for her. His feelings went deeper than lust, and they wouldn’t fade. But now he was afraid to tell her, to put the emotion into words. She was admitting that she might have mistaken infatuation and desire for something lasting. She was young, all right, and inexperienced. He might be taking advantage of a natural step in her progression to womanhood. What if he risked his heart and she kicked it aside when she got through this phase? She was young, and she’d bounce back. But Calhoun had never loved before, and the thought of being rejected terrified him.
He stared down at her with bitter realization darkening his eyes to black. He’d fallen into the trap that he’d swore he’d never be taken by. Now here they were, almost lovers, and she was telling him that it was all a mistake. He felt as if she’d hit him in the chest with an ax.
“Would you take me home, please?” she asked without looking at him.
He straightened. “Of course.”
He turned toward the bedroom, and she sat on the sofa, reaching for the purse she’d tossed there when they’d first arrived. She sat twisting and turning it, listening to his quick, sharp movements in the bedroom while he dressed. Her eyes closed in mingled shame and embarrassment. It had only just occurred to her how many liberties she’d allowed him, how close they’d come to making love completely. She hadn’t had the presence of mind to think of stopping, and neither had he. If that woman hadn’t interrupted them—
Her face went hot. He’d been undressing her. He wouldn’t have stopped at all, he hadn’t had any intention of denying himself. And afterward, how would it have been? She’d have been eaten up by guilt and sorrow, and he’d have felt obligated to marry her because she’d been a virgin. He’d have been well and truly trapped.
She didn’t take seriously anything Calhoun had said in the semi-darkness of his bedroom, because men didn’t think when they were engulfed by passion. Even though she was innocent, she knew that much. He’d wanted her for a long time, and tonight had been his one chance to get her into bed. He’d almost taken her. He knew she loved him, and it didn’t even seem to bother him that he was taking advantage of something she couldn’t help.
Calhoun came into the living room minutes later, pale and strained but neatly dressed. He’d even combed his thick blond hair. After one quick glance, she didn’t look at him again. She stood up.
He opened the door for her, noticing her unnatural stiffness. “I don’t know what to say, Abby,” he said quietly. “I don’t know how she traced me here.”
“It doesn’t matter,” she replied, looking only as high as his chin. “It would be unrealistic to expect that we’d never run across any of your discarded lovers.”
His dark eyes flashed fire. He reached beside her and slammed the door before she could get out, forcing her shocked eyes up to his angry ones.
“And that’s what you think you would have been if she hadn’t interrupted us?” he asked coldly.
She ground her teeth together to keep from breaking down. “You weren’t going to stop,” she said.
“I couldn’t stop,” he corrected. “Any more than you could. If you want to know, it was a first. I’ve always been able to pull back before.”
“Should I be flattered?” she asked on a trembling laugh. “Because I’m not. Bodies are cheap.”
“Yours isn’t,” he returned. “Yours is young and sweet and exquisitely formed. Innocent, when I’ve never had innocence in my life. I might have been half out of my head, but I’d have managed to make you want me back and I wouldn’t have hurt you.”
“And after you were through?” she probed, lifting her pained eyes.
He touched her swollen lips with a cool forefinger. “That would have taken all night,” he said softly. “And by then you wouldn’t have had any doubts left about where we stood with each other. I’d have made sure of it.”
She flushed. “I’d have been another conquest….”
He drew her against him, sighing heavily as he smoothed her long, dark hair and felt her body shake with soft sobs.
“It’s just frustration, sweetheart,” he whispered at the top of her head. “You wanted me and I wanted you, and neither of us had fulfillment, that’s all. It passes.”
Her curled fingers pressed against him while tears ran down her pale cheeks. “I hate you,” she cried.
He only smiled, because he understood. He kissed her hair gently. She was so very young. Too young, probably. He drew in a slow, sad breath and wondered how he was going to live without her.
“You’ve got to see Maria about your birthday party,” he said after a few minutes. “She’s going to hire a caterer. And you’ll have to provide a guest list for us. I can have one of the women at the office send out the invitations.”
She drew back, sniffing, and he pulled out a handkerchief and mopped her face. “You don’t have to do that,” she mumbled.
“We want to.” He touched the handkerchief to her red eyes. “I won’t come near you until then, Abby,” he added to her surprise. His dark gaze was quiet and unblinking, and it did wild things to her pulse. “I won’t call you, or take you out, or see you until then.”
“Because of tonight?” she asked with what dignity she still possessed.
“In a way.” He put the handkerchief away and searched her face. “You’re afraid of giving in to me, aren’t you?”
She moved restlessly.
“Aren’t you?” he persisted.
She bit her lower lip. “Yes.”
“Why?”
“I won’t have you forced into a marriage you don’t want,” she said warily. “Calhoun, you aren’t a marrying man. You even told me so.”
He brushed his mouth against hers, and he nuzzled her nose with his, teasing her lips, playing with her mouth.
“Abby, I told you not so long ago that my playboy days were over, and I meant it,” he said softly. “I haven’t lived like a recluse, but in the past few years, I’ve settled down. And if you want the truth,” he added, resting his forehead on hers, “I haven’t thought of any other woman since the night I found you bare-breasted on your bed, little one. You’ve been in my bed every night since then, a vision that haunts me from dawn to dusk.”
Her heart jumped straight up. He’d never lied to her. He wasn’t doing it now, she knew.
“Me?” she whispered.
He smiled gently. “You.” He brushed her mouth lazily with his. “And if you’d given yourself to me in my bedroom a few minutes ago,” he whispered, “we’d have been on our way to get a marriage license by morning.”
“Because of your conscience?” she asked.
He chuckled softly. “Because of my body,” he breathed. “Lovemaking is addictive. The way I want you, little Abby, I’d have you pregnant by the end of the first week.”
She flushed wildly and hid her face from him, feeling his chest shake with laughter.
“Did you hear what I said,” he whispered, “when you warned me about the risk?”
Her heart ran wild. “Yes.”
His mouth bit at hers. “Didn’t it seem an odd response for a philandering playboy to make?”
“You wanted me—”
“God, I still do!” he breathed. “But a man interested in nothing but a good time is sure as hell not interested in making babies, Abby.”
“Stop that!” she whispered.
He smiled against her mouth, delighting in her innocence, in her reaction. He wasn’t worried anymore. Now, at last, he knew why she’d said what she had in front of his visitor. She’d been offering him a way out. But he didn’t want one. He wanted Abby. He wanted a future.
“I’ll take you home now,” he said gently. “And you can have until your birthday to think about me and miss me and want me. And then, if you can’t stand it anymore, I’ll give you a birthday present you’ll never forget.”
“What?” she asked breathlessly.
He covered her open mouth with his own. “Me,” he breathed into it.
Chapter Eleven (#ulink_84bb3d31-e011-5a99-be7e-a5b80b7deaf3)
Abby pondered that odd remark for the next few lonely weeks. What had Calhoun meant, that they were going to become lovers? Or had he meant something quite different?
He’d taken her home after that last, passionate kiss, and he hadn’t made another single personal remark to her. He’d talked about the feedlot, about things at the house, even about the weather. And he’d left her at Mrs. Simpson’s with a warm, secretive smile, contenting himself with a chaste but breathlessly tender kiss on her forehead.
As he’d promised, he hadn’t called or come visiting. She hadn’t seen him or heard from him since that night. It had been hard going, too. She’d stopped by Misty’s a time or two, pretending to be happy so that her friend wouldn’t ask too many questions. Tyler had asked Abby out again, but she’d refused without really understanding why. She wanted only the memory of Calhoun. If it was all she could ever have of him, it would be more than a lot of lonely women had.
She enjoyed her work at the insurance office, and her bosses were good to her. She settled in without any problem, but she went home to a lonely room, and as the days went by she was almost frantic with the need to see Calhoun.
She’d gone to the Ballenger house to talk to Maria about the party, and she’d left a list of guests for Justin, but to her disappointment both the brothers had been away at the time. She’d managed to get nothing out of Maria, either, except for a careless remark that everything was fine at home and the brothers seemed to be very happy. Which did nothing for Abby’s self-esteem, especially since she missed Maria’s wicked, conspiratorial smile.
The night of the party, Abby drove herself to the Ballenger house. She felt starved for the sight of Calhoun. All her memories and all her fantasies only made it worse.
She was wearing a long electric-blue gown that enhanced her blue-gray eyes and emphasized her exquisite figure. It had soft fabric straps and a crisscross bodice, a fitted waist and a long, narrow skirt. She wore her hair up in a braided coiffure with wispy little curls hanging beside her ears and curling on her forehead. She looked mature and sophisticated. She might not be beautiful, but she felt it tonight, and her face radiated with a glow that only the anticipation of seeing Calhoun could give her.
Maria opened the door and hugged her impulsively. “So lovely,” the older woman sighed. “Everything has worked out so nicely, even the band was on time. Your guests have started arriving. The Jacobses are in the living room with Justin.”
Abby winced, but Maria shook her head.
“No, it is all right,” she said quickly. “Señor Justin and Señor Tyler have been talking cattle, and Señorita Shelby—” Maria smiled sadly. “Her soft eyes feed on Señor Justin like dry flowers welcoming rainfall. It breaks my heart.”
“And mine,” Abby said gently. “I’ll go and keep her company.”
She walked into the living room and smiled at Shelby, who was wearing a long green velvet skirt with a simple chemise top in white silk. She looked exquisitely lovely. Justin and Tyler, in dark suits, rose as she entered the room, both pairs of masculine eyes gazing appreciatively at her dress.
“Happy birthday, honey,” Justin said gently, and went forward to brush his hard mouth against her cheek. “And at least a hundred more.”
“I’ll second that,” Tyler grinned, his green eyes dancing as he bent and kissed her softly on the mouth. “You look delicious.”
“Thank you both,” she replied.
“I remember my own twenty-first birthday,” Shelby sighed after she’d hugged Abby and congratulated her. “It was very special.” Her eyes went helplessly to Justin, who stood very still and looked at her, his dark eyes full of emotion.
Abby could have cried. She hadn’t understood before, but now she knew how devastating it could be to want someone that much. She looked around the room. There were several other people there, friends from school, who waved and lifted their glasses in her direction. She smiled back, but her heart was getting heavier by the second.
“Justin, where’s Calhoun?” she asked finally.
Justin took a draw from his cigarette and dragged his gaze away from Shelby. Abby had asked the question he’d dreaded ever since she’d walked in the door. “I don’t know if he’s going to make it, honey,” he hedged, because he didn’t know where in hell Calhoun was either. She looked devastated, so he improvised. “He said to tell you happy birthday and—Abby!”
She couldn’t help it. She burst into tears, shaking with the disappointment. “I’m sorry…” she sobbed.
“Shelby, take her into the study, please,” Justin said.
“Of course.” Shelby put a gentle arm around her. “Abby, please don’t cry. I know Calhoun would have been here if he could have.”
“I’ll be all right in a minute,” Abby told Justin as they passed him and a quietly curious Tyler. “I’m sorry. It’s been a long week,” she added with a faint smile.
“I’ll knock him through a wall for this,” Justin said coldly. “I swear to God I will.”
“No, you won’t,” Abby sniffed. “As Shelby said, I’m sure he had a good reason.” She laughed coldly. “Probably a blond one…” Tears fell hotly again, and Shelby quickly got her out of the room, across the hall and into the study.
“Now sit down.” Shelby helped her to the burgundy leather sofa. “I’ll get you a brandy. Is that all right?”
“I hate him,” Abby said, burying her face in her hands. “I hate him so much!”
“Yes, I know.” Shelby smiled wryly and poured brandy into a snifter. She gave the glass to Abby, and watched her take a sip and grimace at the harsh taste.
Her blue-gray eyes lifted to Shelby’s green ones. “I haven’t even seen him in weeks,” she said brokenly. “He hasn’t called or come to see me. I didn’t know why then, but now I do. He was letting me down easy. He knows how I feel, and he doesn’t want to hurt me….”
“If it means anything, I know how you feel, too,” Shelby said gently, her eyes soft and sad.
“Yes, I’m sure you do.” Abby touched the older woman’s hand. “Justin never looks at anyone else. Calhoun said once that he supposed Justin would die loving you.”
“And hating me, all at once,” Shelby sighed. “Justin thinks I slept with someone else. He believed my father and a crony of his, and I’ve never been able to make him listen. As if I could have let any other man touch me, ever!”
Abby stared at her, momentarily distracted. “Oh, Shelby,” she whispered.
Shelby grimaced. “Stubborn, proud, hardheaded man.” Her eyes lifted. “I’d die for him.”
“I hope it works out someday.”
The older woman sighed. “Miracles still happen occasionally.” She searched Abby’s eyes. “Will you be all right now?”
Abby finished the brandy. “Of course I will. I don’t care if Calhoun misses my party. I can have a perfectly good time without him. After all, I was only his ward and now I’m not anymore. He’s just another man.” She got up, smoothing her hair. “I’d better fix my makeup.”
She went to the mirror and repaired her lipstick and powder, but there was very little she could do about her red eyes. Then she followed Shelby out the door.
The band was good. They played a succession of dreamy waltzes and country-and-western songs, which their lead singer belted out in a smooth baritone. Abby danced every dance, some with Justin, some with Tyler, and a lot with old school friends. But still Calhoun didn’t make an appearance. Abby grew more vivacious by the minute to cover up her misery.
She was dancing much too close to Tyler in a lazy two-step, when she felt eyes on her back. Without looking, she knew Calhoun had arrived. He’d spoiled her party by not showing up until it was almost over, and she hated him. Having settled that in her mind, she kept her eyes closed and kept dancing.
“Calhoun’s here,” Tyler murmured into her hair.
“So what?” she said icily.
His eyebrows arched. He glanced at Calhoun, who was thunderously angry, and then at Justin, who was heading toward his younger brother with an expression that would have made a lesser man than Calhoun back off.
“Abby, Justin’s going toward Calhoun with blood in his eye.”
“Good,” she muttered. “I hope he kills him.”
“Abby!”
She bit her lower lip. “I don’t care.”
“You don’t care like hell,” Tyler replied curtly. He stopped dancing and held her by the arms. “Stop it. If you want him, for God’s sake, show him that you do. Don’t pout and hem and haw until you lose him.”
“You don’t understand,” she began.
“Abby, look at Shelby and Justin,” he said quietly. “Is that how you want to end up?’
She searched Tyler’s face and then looked over to the doorway, where Justin and Calhoun were talking in terse monosyllables. “All right,” she said wearily.
He smiled. “Good girl. Go on.”
She hesitated, but then she walked away. Tyler watched her go, a faint sadness in his own eyes. That was quickly erased when Misty Davies wandered over in a frothy gold party dress and asked him to dance.
Justin stopped talking when Abby came near. He glared at Calhoun. “Tell it to Abby,” he said shortly. “She’s been having a hell of a good time, though, all by herself.”
Justin smiled faintly at them and wandered off to talk to another of the guests, leaving a cold-eyed Calhoun and a fuming Abby staring at one another.
“Thank you for coming,” she said with faint hauteur. “I’m having a lovely time.”
“How could you think I’d willingly treat you like that?” he asked quietly. “Turn my back on you, deliberately arrive late, embarrass you with your guests…Oh, God, don’t you know me better than that?”
He disconcerted her. She looked up at him helplessly. “What happened?”
“I ran the Jaguar into a ditch and damned near wrecked it,” he said with a mocking smile. “I was going too fast, and I took a curve where there’d been an oil spill that I didn’t know about.”
Her face went white. She saw a graphic mental picture of him lying in a ditch, dead. It erased all her stupid suspicions and left her shaking.
Without a word, she pressed hard against him. She held him, trembling, oblivious to her surroundings, to everything but Calhoun.
“You’re trembling,” he said, faintly surprised. His big hands went to her back, where it was bare over the deep plunge of her dress. “I’m all right, honey.”
She held him tighter, fighting tears. The trembling grew worse, and she couldn’t seem to stop.
“For God’s sake…!”
He drew her out of the room, one big arm supporting her, and into the study. He locked the door behind them, shutting out the music and muffled conversation and other party sounds. His dark eyes looked down into her wild, pale ones.
“I wouldn’t have missed your party on purpose, little one,” he said gently.
That was the old Calhoun, she thought wildly. Her guardian. Her protector. The kind, caring older man who looked after her and kept her safe. But he didn’t look or sound like a lover, and she supposed that he’d used those weeks to good advantage, getting her out of his system. She felt sick and shaken, and she wanted nothing more than to go home and cry herself to sleep.
“No, I’m…I’m sure you wouldn’t have,” she said, her voice husky. She forced a smile. “It was kind of you and Justin to let me have the party here.”
His dark eyes narrowed. He leaned back against the door, elegant in his evening clothes, the white silk of his shirt emphasizing his high cheekbones, his blond hair and dark skin, his powerful build. “You sound strange,” he said. “You look strange.”
“I’ve had a long week, that’s all.” She was beginning to sound like a broken record. “I’m enjoying my new job. I like it very much. We stay busy. And—”
“Stop it,” he said softly.
Her eyes closed, tears burning them. Her hands at her sides tautened into fists and she fought for control. “I’m sorry.”
“Come here, Abby,” he said in a tone that she remembered, deep with tenderness, soft with sensuality.
She opened her eyes. “I don’t want pity,” she whispered.
His chin lifted. “What do you want?”
She lowered her gaze to his highly polished shoes. “The moon,” she said wearily.
He moved forward abruptly. One big, lean hand caught hers and pried it open. He placed something in it and curled her fingers around it. She frowned. Something small and thin and metallic…
She opened her hand. It was a ring, a very simple circle of gold without any flourishes or frills. It was a wedding ring.
He bent, lifting her. He carried her to the burgundy sofa and put her down on it. Then he knelt on the carpet beside her, his lean hands on her waist, his blond hair gleaming like the golden ring in the soft light from the ceiling.
“I love you,” he said softly, holding her gaze as he said it.
Her eyes searched his, getting lost in their dark, unblinking intensity. “W-what?”
“I love you,” he repeated. “I didn’t know it until the night I almost made love to you, and even then I wasn’t sure that I could settle down.” He laughed faintly, watching her with eyes that adored her. “But I’m sure now. These past few weeks have been the purest hell I’ve ever known. A dozen times I’ve almost stormed over to your apartment at three in the morning to get into bed with you. I’ve thought about kidnapping you from work and carrying you off into the mountains. But I promised to give you time, and I have. Now I’ve run out of it. If you don’t marry me, so help me, I’ll ravish you where you sit.”
“I’ll marry you,” she whispered. “But—”
“But what?” he whispered back.
Her lips parted as she let her shoulders droop, so that the silky fabric of her dress fell and revealed all of her breasts except the hard tips. “But wouldn’t you ravish me anyway?”
His breath caught. “As if I needed asking…”
His hands finished the job, stripping the fabric to her waist. He sat looking at the soft, pretty swell of her breasts, watching her breathe for a long moment before he drew her toward him and bent his head.
She began to tremble when she felt his mouth on her soft, heated skin. Her hands cradled his head and she wept softly, kissing his hair, whispering to him. “I love you,” she murmured. “I’m sorry I…made a fuss. I thought you were out with some woman, that you didn’t want me…. Oh, Calhoun!”
His mouth had opened, taking almost all of one perfect breast inside to taste, to caress with his tongue. His lean hand was at her back, searching for a zipper, and in the next instant she was on the carpet under him, her body bare from the neck down except for her briefs and her stockings.
“I was in Houston buying a ring. Buying two rings. Your engagement ring had to be sized. It’s a yellow diamond.” He kissed her hungrily. “I got caught in traffic, and since I knew I was going to be late, I rushed back…too fast. But it’s all right now, isn’t it, sweetheart?” He eased his hands down her body, feeling her tremble. “Abby, suppose we make love right here?” he murmured, stroking her gently with his warm, hard fingers.
“Someone might come in,” she whispered breathlessly.
He smiled as he bent. “I locked the door,” he breathed into her open mouth. “I’m hungry.”
“I’m hungry, too.”
His nose nuzzled hers. “Or we could go up to my bedroom,” he murmured huskily. “And lock the door. Even Justin wouldn’t disturb us there.”
“The guests…”
“They’ll never miss us. They’re too busy enjoying themselves. I want you, Abby. I want you for the rest of my life, until I die. And if I get you pregnant…” He lifted his head, searching her warm, soft eyes. “Would you mind having my child?”
She touched his mouth with aching tenderness. “I love you,” she said. “I want to have lots of babies with you.”
He actually shuddered. “You’re very young.”
She smiled. “All the better.” She traced his heavy eyebrows with her finger. “I can play with them.”
He smoothed back her hair, his eyes full of wonder. “Abby…I never dreamed how sweet it would be to belong to someone. To have someone of my own. And a family.” He touched her breasts tenderly. “Ever since the first time I touched you, I’ve felt as if there’d never been a woman for me. You make it all new and exciting. You make me feel whole.”
“You make me feel the same way.” She reached up to find his mouth with hers, kissing him slowly, tenderly. “Justin won’t like it if we go upstairs together.”
“He won’t see us,” he whispered and smiled wickedly. “Where’s your sense of adventure?”
“I’m nervous—”
“We’ll be married by tomorrow afternoon. I’ve already got the license. All we need is a blood test, and we can have that in the morning.
“You rake,” she said accusingly.
“Reformed rake.”
“All right,” she breathed.
He searched her eyes quietly. “I need you badly. But I can wait if you want me to.”
“You don’t want to,” she said.
He smiled. “I’ve felt married to you since that night in my apartment, Abby. A piece of paper and a few solemn words aren’t going to tie me to you any more firmly than I am right now. I love you, honey,” he said softly. “That’s the beginning and the end of my life, wrapped up in those words.”
She pressed against him. “I love you so.”
He helped her into her dress and led her out the back door, around through the guest bedroom and to the rear staircase. Then he picked her up, laughing softly, and carried her upstairs. He’d just made it to the landing and was turning the corner toward his own room when they ran headfirst into Justin and almost went down on the floor with the impact.
Abby gasped. Calhoun actually turned blood red. Justin’s eyebrows went up expressively. Then they just stared at each other.
“Tired of dancing?” Justin asked after a minute, his lips pursed mischievously.
Calhoun cleared his throat. “We were going to…”
“…talk,” Abby improvised.
Justin’s dark eyes went over Abby’s face, reading all the telltale signs there. Then he glanced toward Calhoun and stared him down.
“Oh, what the hell,” Calhoun muttered darkly. “You know damned good and well where we were going and why. But there’s something you don’t know. I love Abby. We’re getting married tomorrow. The license is in my pocket.”
“And the ring,” Abby added, faintly embarrassed at being caught in such a compromising situation.
“Congratulations,” Justin said pleasantly. “I couldn’t be happier for both of you. And if I might just add, it’s about time.”
Calhoun shifted Abby. “Thank you.”
“You’ll be a lovely brother-in-law,” Abby agreed.
“The very best,” Calhoun added.
Justin smiled. “It won’t work. I’m not going anywhere, and neither are you.”
“Damn it, Justin!” Calhoun ground out.
“Twenty-four hours is just overnight,” Justin continued. “Then you can both go to Houston and have a honeymoon in that penthouse apartment you bought.”
“Listen here…” Calhoun began.
“Abby, you tell him how you really feel about this,” Justin said, staring at her.
She grimaced, her hands linked around Calhoun’s neck. She sighed. “Well, I love him,” she said finally.
“I thought you wanted to,” Calhoun said softly, searching her embarrassed face. “I’d never have forced you.”
“Oh, I know that,” she said, her eyes worshipful. “But I couldn’t refuse you.”
He smiled ruefully. “You’re one of a kind,” he said gently. “And I love you.”
“I love you, too,” she whispered, smiling.
He kissed her softly. “I guess we’d better wait, since Justin is going to stand there until he takes root.”
“I guess we had,” Abby murmured.
Calhoun put Abby on her feet. “Well, let’s go downstairs and dance, Abby,” he said. “Then we can sing that terrific drinking song that Justin taught you.”
Justin glared at him, looking uncomfortable. “You started that.”
Calhoun’s eyebrows lanced upward. “All I did was dance with Shelby.”
Justin stared at him coldly. “And if you hadn’t been my brother, I’d have broken your jaw for it.”
There was a faint sound behind them, and Justin turned to find Shelby standing two steps behind him.
“Go ahead, Shelby, get an earful,” Justin said icily. “Does it please you that after six years I still feel murderous when another man touches you?”
“That works both ways, Justin,” Shelby said quietly. “Or didn’t you know that it would kill me to see you with another woman?”
She turned and stormed off downstairs. Justin stared after her, shocked.
“Why don’t you carry her upstairs?” Calhoun asked his brother with pursed lips. “Then Abby and I could stand on the landing and block your way.”
Justin said something in Spanish that Abby was glad she didn’t understand and stomped off downstairs.
Calhoun glanced at Abby’s questioning face and grinned. “I’ll tell you after we’re married,” he whispered in her ear.
* * *
And he did tell her two days later as they lay together in the big soft bed at his penthouse, sated and close in each other’s arms as the sun drifted lazily through the blinds.
“What did Justin say to you the night you started to carry me upstairs?” she asked drowsily.
“He said that if he ever took Shelby to bed it would be on a desert island with mines on the beach.” he chuckled. “Poor Justin,” he added quietly. “To love like that and not even have a memory to live on.”
She lifted her eyes to his, her hand lazily stroking his thick, hair-matted chest. “What do you mean?”
“Justin never slept with Shelby,” Calhoun said softly. “And since the engagement broke off, he’s never slept with anyone else.”
She caught her breath.
“It isn’t so incredible, Abby,” he mused, rolling over to look down into her soft eyes. The covers had long since been thrown off, and his dark gaze slid over her nudity with possession and exquisite memories of the night before. “I couldn’t touch anyone else after I kissed you.”
“That’s very profound,” she whispered, trembling as his lean hand stroked gently over her taut breasts and down over her belly to the silken softness of her thighs.
“It’s that,” he agreed, bending to brush his lips across her mouth. “Have I hurt you too badly, or is it all right if we make love again?”
She flushed, remembering their first time, the softness of his voice whispering to her to lie still after he’d realized how difficult it was going to be. And then he’d bridled his own needs so that he could rouse her all over again. The pain had been minimal, because the savage hunger he’d kindled in her had surpassed pain or fear or even thought. She’d given everything he’d asked in the end, her body so completely his that he could have done anything to her.
“I’m all right now,” she whispered, adoring his hard face with her eyes. “You made it all right.”
“You were very much a virgin, Mrs. Ballenger,” he said with faint traces of satisfied delight. “And it wasn’t the easiest initiation.”
She traced his chin. “I love you. And any way you loved me would have been all right.”
He kissed her softly. “You make me feel humble.”
“You make me feel wild,” she gasped, arching as his hand moved. Her eyes widened as it moved again. “Yes…do…that…”
He smiled through his own excitement as she responded to him. He enjoyed her innocence as he’d never imagined he could. He held back this time, drawing out his possession until she was crying with her arousal, until she was almost in torment from the need. And then he eased down, tenderly, coaxing her to bank down her own fires and settle into a new and achingly sweet rhythm that brought with it a fulfillment beyond her wildest dreams, beyond even his experience.
Afterward, he cradled her against his hard, damp body, trembling as he held her, stroked her. She’d gone with him every step of the way, and she was exhausted. So was he. She made an adventure of lovemaking, an exquisite expression of shared love. It was something he’d never known in a woman’s arms. Whispering softly, he told her that.
She smiled as she lay nestled against him. “I don’t have anyone to compare you with,” she whispered. “But on a scale of ten, I’d give you a twenty.”
Calhoun laughed softly, closing his eyes and sighing contentedly as he felt her snuggle close to him, her body fitting perfectly against his.
“Abby, how would you feel about living in the old Dempsey place?” he asked unexpectedly.
She opened her eyes. “That big Victorian house that you and Justin bought last year? It’s been remodeled and furnished, hasn’t it? I thought you were going to use it for offices.”
“I’d thought about it,” he told her. “But I want to live there with you.”
“There, and not with Justin?” she asked softly.
He touched her hair. “It will make life hell for him if we’re under the same roof.”
“Yes, I know. To see how happy we are will only point out what he’s lost.” She smiled. “I’ll live with you wherever you say.”
He searched her eyes gently. Then he folded her up against him and drew the sheet over their damp bodies. “I love you, Abby,” he said drowsily.
“I love you, too.” She slid her arm across his broad chest and sighed contentedly. It was spring, and soon the pastures would be dotted with wildflowers and seed would begin sprouting everywhere. She closed her eyes, thinking about the long horizons and lazy summers and the promise of children playing around her skirts while she sat in the circle of Calhoun’s arm and watched the cattle graze. It sounded like the most exciting kind of future to share—with a long, tall Texan at her side.
* * * * *
Justin (#ulink_40921456-899f-5bad-87d0-970362c691ee)
Diana Palmer
SWEET DREAMS...
Sweet dreams had been all that lovely Shelby Jacobs had ever given Justin Ballenger. He’d loved her, wanted to marry her....and his sweet dreams had blown away. A Ballenger wasn’t good enough for Shelby...she’d broken their engagement and flaunted her rich society lover in Justin’s face. He vowed never again to be vulnerable to his beautiful Texas rose.
Shelby had never stopped loving dark, intense Justin, and seeing him only deepened her feelings. She was sure he despised her, but she knew he needed to hear the truth about the past. She was risking everything, but the heart of her lonesome cowboy was more than worth it...
Chapter One (#ulink_3d0a4e8c-6147-5ab3-b643-48105b21e979)
It was a warm morning, and the weatherman had already promised temperatures into the eighties for the afternoon. But the weather didn’t seem to slow down the bidders, and the auctioneer standing on the elegant porch of the tall white mansion kept his monotone steady even though he had to periodically wipe streams of sweat from his heavily jowled face.
As he watched the estate auction, Justin Ballenger’s black eyes narrowed under the brim of his expensive creamy Stetson. He wasn’t buying. Not today. But he had a personal interest in this particular auction. The Jacobs’s home was being sold, lock, stock and barrel, and he should have felt a sense of triumph at seeing old Bass Jacobs’s legacy go down the drain. Oddly enough, he didn’t. He felt vaguely disturbed by the whole proceeding. It was like watching predators pick a helpless victim to the bone.
He kept searching the crowd for Shelby Jacobs, but she was nowhere in sight. Possibly she and her brother, Tyler, were in the house, helping to sort the furniture and other antique offerings.
A movement to his left caught his eye. Abby Ballenger, his sister-in-law of six weeks, stood beside him.
“I didn’t expect to see you here,” she remarked, smiling up at him. She’d lived with him and Calhoun, her
almost-stepbrothers, since the tragic deaths of their father and her mother. Their parents were to have been married, so the brothers took Abby in and looked after her. And just weeks before, she and Calhoun had married.
“I never miss an auction,” he replied. He looked toward the auctioneer. “I haven’t seen the Jacobses.”
“Ty’s in Arizona.” Abby sighed, and she didn’t miss the sudden glare of Justin’s dark eyes. “He didn’t go without a fight, either, but there was some kind of emergency on that ranch he’s helping to manage.”
“Shelby’s alone?” The words were almost wrenched from him.
“Afraid so.” Abby glanced up at him and away, barely suppressing a smile. “She’s at the apartment she’s rented in town.” Abby smoothed a fold of her gray skirt. “It’s above the law office where she works…”
Justin’s hard, dark face went even tauter. The smoking cigarette in his hand was forgotten as he turned to Abby, his whipcord-lean body towering over her. “That isn’t an apartment, for God’s sake, it’s an old storeroom!”
“Barry Holman is letting her convert it,” Abby said, her guileless pale eyes the picture of innocence under her dark hair. “She doesn’t have much choice, Justin. With the house being sold, where else can she afford to live on what she makes? Everything had to go, you know. Tyler and Shelby thought they could at least hold onto the house and property, but it took every last dime to meet their father’s debts.”
Justin muttered something under his breath, glaring toward the big, elegant house that somehow embodied everything he’d hated about the Jacobs family for the past six years, since Shelby had broken their engagement and betrayed him.
“Aren’t you glad?” Abby baited him gently. “You hate her, after all. It should please you to see her brought to her knees in public.”
He didn’t say another word. He turned abruptly, his expression as uncompromising as stone, and strode to where his black Thunderbird was parked. Abby smiled secretively. She’d thought that he’d react, if she could make him see how badly this was going to hurt Shelby. All these long years he’d avoided any contact with the Jacobs family, any mention of them at home. But in recent months, the strain was beginning to tell on him. Abby knew almost certainly that he still felt something for the woman who’d jilted him, and she knew Shelby felt something for Justin, too. Abby, deliriously happy in her own marriage, wanted the rest of the world to be as happy as she was. Perhaps by nudging Justin in the right direction, she might make two miserable people happy.
Justin had only found out about the estate sale that morning, when Calhoun mentioned it at the office at their joint feedlot operation. It had been in the papers, but Justin had been out of town looking at cattle and he hadn’t seen the notice.
He wasn’t surprised that Shelby was staying away from the auction. She’d been born in that house. She’d lived in it all her life. Shelby’s grandfather, in fact, had founded the small Texas town of Jacobsville. They were old money, and the ragged little Ballenger boys from the run-down cattle ranch down the road weren’t the kind of friends Mrs. Bass Jacobs had wanted for her children, Tyler and Shelby. But she’d died, and Mr. Jacobs had been friendly toward the Ballengers, especially when Justin and Calhoun had opened their feedlot. And when the old man found out that Shelby intended to marry Justin Ballenger, he’d told Justin he couldn’t be more pleased.
Justin tried never to think about the night Bass Jacobs and young Tom Wheelor had come to see him. Now it all came back. Bass Jacobs had been upset. He told Justin outright that Shelby was in love with Tom and not only in love, the couple had been sleeping together all through the farce of Shelby’s “engagement” to Justin. He was ashamed of her, Bass lamented. The engagement was Shelby’s way of bringing her reluctant suitor into line, and now that Justin had served his purpose, Shelby didn’t need him anymore. Sadly, he handed Justin Shelby’s engagement ring and Tom Wheelor had mumbled a red-faced apology. Bass had even cried. Perhaps his shame had prompted his next move, because he’d promised on the spot to give Justin the financial backing he needed to make the new feedlot a success. There was only one condition—that Shelby never know where the money came from. Then he’d left.
Never one to believe ill of anyone without hard evidence, Justin phoned Shelby while Bass was still starting his car. But she didn’t deny what Justin had been told. In fact, she confirmed all of it, even the part about having slept with Wheelor. She’d only wanted to make Tom jealous so he’d propose, she told Justin. She hoped he hadn’t been too upset with her, but then, she’d always had everything she wanted, and Justin wasn’t rich enough to cater to her tastes just yet. But Tom was…
Justin had believed her. And because she’d pushed him away the one time he’d tried to make love to her, her confession rang with the truth. He’d gone on a legendary bender afterward. And for the past six years, no other woman had ever gotten close enough to make a dent in his heart. He’d been impervious to all the offers, and there had been some. He wasn’t a handsome man. His dark face was too craggy, his features too irregular, his unsmiling countenance too forbidding. But he had wealth and power, and that drew women to him. He was too bitter, though, to accept that kind of attention. Shelby had hurt him as no one else in his life ever had, and for years all he’d lived for was the thought of vengeance.
But now that he saw her brought to her knees financially, it was unsatisfying. All he could think of was that she was going to be hurt and she had no family, no friends to comfort her.
The apartment above the law office where she worked was tiny, and it didn’t sit well with him that it was in such proximity to her bachelor boss. He knew Holman by reputation, and rumor had it that he liked pretty women. Shelby, with her long black hair, slender figure and green, sparkling eyes, would more than qualify. She was twenty-seven now, hardly a girl, but she didn’t look much older than she had when she and Justin became engaged. She had an innocence about her, still, that made Justin grind his teeth. It was false; she’d even admitted it.
He paused at the door to the apartment, his hand raised to knock. There was a muffled noise from inside. Not laughter. Tears?
His jaw tautened and he knocked roughly.
The noise ceased abruptly. There was a scraping sound, like a chair being moved, and soft footsteps that echoed the quick, hard beat of his heart.
The door opened. Shelby stood there, in clinging faded jeans and a blue checked shirt, her long dark hair disheveled and curling down her back, her green eyes red-rimmed and wet.
“Did you come to gloat, Justin?” she asked with quiet bitterness.
“It gives me no pleasure to see you humbled,” he replied, his chin lifted, his black eyes narrow. “Abby said you were alone.”
She sighed, dropping her eyes to his dusty, worn boots. “I’ve been alone for a long time. I’ve learned to live with it.” She shifted restlessly. “Are there a lot of people at the auction?”
“The yard’s full,” he said. He took off his hat and held it in one hand while the other raked his thick, straight black hair.
She looked up, her eyes lingering helplessly on the hard lines of his craggy face, on the chiseled mouth she’d kissed so hungrily six years ago. She’d been so desperately in love with him then. But he’d become something out of her slight experience the night they became engaged, and his ardor had frightened her. She’d fought away from him, and the memory of how it had been with him, just before the fear became tangible, was formidable. She’d wanted so much more than they’d shared, but she had more reason than most women to fear intimacy. But Justin didn’t know that and she’d been too shy to explain her actions.
She turned away with a groan of anguish. “If you can bear my company, I’ll fix you a glass of iced tea.”
He hesitated, but only for an instant. “I could use that,” he said quietly. “It’s hot as hell out there.”
He followed her inside, absently closing the door behind him. But he stopped dead when he saw what she was having to contend with. He stiffened and almost cursed out loud.
There were only two rooms in the makeshift apartment. They were bare except for a worn sofa and chair, a scratched coffee table and a small television set. Her clothes were apparently being kept in a closet, because there was no evidence of a dresser. The kitchen boasted a toaster oven and a hot plate and a tiny refrigerator. This, when she was used to servants and silk robes, silver services and Chippendale furniture.
“My God,” he breathed.
Her back stiffened, but she didn’t turn when she heard the pity in his deep voice. “I don’t need sympathy, thank you,” she said tightly. “It wasn’t my fault that we lost the place, it was my father’s. It was his to lose. I can make my own way in the world.”
“Not like this, damn it!” He slammed his hat down on the coffee table and took the pitcher of tea out of her hands, moving it aside. His lean, work-roughened hands held her wrists and he stared down at her with determination. “I won’t stand by and watch you try to survive in a rattrap like this. Barry Holman and his charity be damned!”
Shelby was shocked, not only by what he was saying, but by the way he looked. “It’s not a rattrap,” she faltered.
“Compared to what you were used to, it is,” he returned doggedly. His chest rose and fell on an angry sigh. “You can stay with me for the time being.”
She blushed beet-red. “In your house, alone with you?”
He lifted his chin. “In my house,” he agreed. “Not in my bed. You won’t have to pay me for a roof over your head. I do remember with vivid clarity that you don’t like my hands on you.”
She could have gone through the floor at the bitter mockery in the words. She couldn’t meet those black eyes or challenge the flat statement without embarrassing them both. Anyway, it was so long ago. It didn’t matter now.
She looked at his shirt instead, at the thick mat of black hair under the white silk. He’d let her touch him there, once. The night of their engagement, he’d unbuttoned it and given her hands free license to do what they liked. He’d kissed her as if he’d die to kiss her, but he’d frightened her half out of her mind when the kisses went a little too far.
Until that night, he’d never tried to touch her, or gone further than brief, light kisses. His holding back had first disturbed her and then made her curious. Surely Justin was as experienced as his brother, Calhoun. But perhaps he’d had hang-ups about the distance between their social standing. Justin had been barely middle class at the time, and Shelby’s family was wealthy. It hadn’t mattered to her, but she could see that it might have bothered Justin. And especially after she jilted him, because of her father’s treacherous insistence.
She’d gotten even with her father, though. He’d planned for her to marry Tom Wheelor, in a cold-blooded merger of property, and Justin had gotten in the way. But Shelby had refused Tom Wheelor’s advances and she’d never let him touch her. She’d told Bass Jacobs she wouldn’t marry his wealthy young friend. The old man hadn’t capitulated then, but just before his death, when he realized how desperately Shelby loved Justin, he’d felt bad about what he’d done. He hadn’t told her that his guilt had driven him to stake Justin’s feedlot, but he’d apologized.
She looked up then, searching Justin’s dark eyes quietly, remembering. It had been hard, going on without him. Her dreams of loving him and bearing his sons had died long ago, but it was still a pleasure beyond bearing just to look at him. And his hands on her wrists made her body glow, tingle with forbidden longings, like the warm threat of his powerful, cologne-scented body. If only her father hadn’t interfered. Inevitably, she’d have been able to explain her fears to Justin, to ask him to be gentle, to go slow. But it was too late now.
“I know you don’t want me anymore, Justin,” she said gently. “I even understand why. You don’t need to feel responsible for me. I’ll be all right. I can take care of myself.”
He breathed slowly, trying to keep himself under control. The feel of her silky skin was giving him some problems. Unwillingly, his thumbs began to caress her wrists.
“I know that,” he said. “But you don’t belong here.”
“I can’t afford a better apartment just yet,” she said. “But I’ll get a raise when I’ve been working for two months, and then maybe I can get the room that Abby had at Mrs. Simpson’s.”
“You can get it now,” he said tersely. “I’ll loan you the money.”
She lowered her eyes. “No. It wouldn’t look right.”
“Only you and I would know.”
She bit her lower lip. She couldn’t tell him that she hated the thought of being in this place, so near Barry Holman, who was a nice boss but a hopeless womanizer. She hesitated.
Before she could say yes or no, there was a knock on the door. Justin let her go reluctantly and watched her move toward the door.
Barry Holman stood there, in jeans and a sweatshirt, blond and blue-eyed and hopeful. “Hi, Shelby,” he said pleasantly. “I thought you might need some help moving…in.” His voice trailed away and he saw Justin standing behind her.
“Not really,” Justin said with a cold smile. “She’s on her way over to Mrs. Simpson’s to take on Abby’s old room. I’m helping her move, although I knew she appreciated the offer of this—” he looked around distastefully “—apartment.”
Barry Holman swallowed. He’d known Justin for a long time, and he was just about convinced that the rumors he’d heard were true. Justin might not want Shelby himself, but he was damned visible if anybody else made a pass at her.
“Well,” he said, still smiling, “I’d better get back downstairs then. I had some calls to make. Good to see you again, Justin. See you early Monday morning, Shelby.”
“Thanks anyway, Mr. Holman,” she said. “I don’t want to seem ungrateful, but Mrs. Simpson offers meals as well, and it’s peaceful there.” She smiled. “I’m not used to town living, and Mrs. Simpson has the room free right now…”
“No hard feelings, you go right ahead.” Barry grinned. “So long.”
Justin glared after him. “Lover boy,” he muttered. “Just what you need.”
She turned, her eyes soft on his face. “I’m twenty-seven,” she said. “I want to marry and have children eventually. Mr. Holman is very nice, and he doesn’t have any bad habits.”
“Except that he’ll sleep with anything that wears skirts,” he replied tersely. He didn’t like thinking about Shelby having another man’s children. His black eyes searched over her body. Yes, she was getting older, not that she looked it. In eight or ten years, children might be a risk for her. His expression hardened.
“He’s never said anything improper to me.” She faltered, confused by the way he was looking at her.
“Give him time.” He drew in a slow breath. “I said I’ll loan you enough to get the room at Mrs. Simpson’s. If you’re hell-bent on independence, you can pay me back at your convenience.”
She had to swallow her pride, and it hurt to let him help her when she knew how bitter he was about the past. But he was a caring man, and she was a stray person in the world. Justin’s heart was too big to allow him to turn his back on her, even after what he thought she’d done to him. Quick, hot tears sprang to her green eyes as she remembered what she’d been forced to say to him, the way she’d hurt him.
“I’m so sorry,” she said unexpectedly, biting her lip as she turned away.
The words, and the emotion behind them, surprised him. Surely she didn’t have any regrets this late. Or was she just putting on an act to get his sympathy? He couldn’t trust her.
She got herself back together and brushed at the loose hair at her neck as she poured the tea into two glasses filled with ice. “I’ll let you lend me the money, if you really don’t mind,” she said, handing him his glass without looking up. “I don’t like the idea of living alone.”
“Neither do I, Shelby, but it’s something you get used to after a while,” he said quietly. He sipped his tea, but he couldn’t pry his eyes away from her soft oval face. “What is it like, having to work for a living?”
She didn’t react to the mockery in the words. She smiled. “I like it,” she said surprisingly, and lifted her eyes to his. “I had things to do, you know, when we had money. I belonged to a lot of volunteer groups and charities. But law offices cater to unhappy people. When I can help them feel a little better, it makes me forget my own problems.”
His black brows drew together as he sipped the cool, sweet amber liquid. The glass was cold under his lean fingers.
She searched his black eyes. “You don’t believe me, do you, Justin?” she asked perceptively. “You saw me as a socialite, a reasonably attractive woman with money and a cultured background. But that was an illusion. You never really knew me.”
“I wanted you, though,” he replied, watching her. “But you never wanted me, honey. Not physically, at any rate.”
“You rushed me!” she burst out, coloring as she remembered that night.
“Rushed you! Up until that night, I hadn’t even kissed you intimately, for God’s sake!” His black eyes glittered at her as he remembered her rejection and his own sick certainty that she didn’t love him. “I’d kept you on a pedestal until then. And all the time, you were sleeping with that boy millionaire!”
She threw up her hands. “I never slept with Tom Wheelor!”
“You said you did,” he reminded her with a cold smile. “You swore it, in fact.”
She closed her eyes on a wave of bitter regret. “Yes, I said it,” she agreed wearily, and turned away. “I’d almost forgotten.”
“And all the postmortems accomplish nothing, do they?” he asked. He put down the glass and pulled out a cigarette, lighting it without removing his eyes from her stiff expression. “It doesn’t matter anymore. Let’s go. I’ll run over to Mrs. Simpson’s and you can see about the room.”
Shelby knew that he’d never give an inch. He hadn’t forgotten anything and he still despised her. She felt as if the world was sitting on her thin shoulders as she got her purse and followed him to the door. She didn’t look at him as they left.
Chapter Two (#ulink_ae1f6c55-bfbd-533b-bd6e-561cabcdfe51)
Justin tucked a wad of bills into Shelby’s purse when he stopped the Thunderbird on the side of the road near Mrs. Simpson’s house. She tried to protest, but he simply smoked his cigarette and ignored her.
“I told you earlier that the money was between you and me,” he said quietly, his dark eyes challenging as he cut the engine. He turned in the bucket seat, his long legs stretched out as he touched the power-window switch on the console panel. It was a rural road, and sparsely traveled. He had stopped under a spreading oak tree. He hooked his elbow on the open window to study Shelby narrowly. “I meant it. If you want to look on it as a loan, that’s up to you.”
She chewed on her lower lip. “I’ll be able to pay you back one day,” she said doggedly, even though she knew better. With what she made, it was going to be a struggle to eat and pay the rent. New clothes might become impossible.
“I’m not worried about it.”
“Yes, but I am.” She looked up, all her misgivings in her green eyes. “Oh, Justin, what am I going to do?” she moaned. “I’m alone for the first time in my life. Ty’s in Arizona, I have no family…” She got a grip on herself, averting her eyes. “It’s just panic,” she said tightly. “Just fear. I’ll get used to it. I’m sorry I said that.”
He didn’t speak. He’d never seen Shelby helpless. She’d always been poised and calm. It was new and faintly disturbing to see her frightened.
“If things get too rough,” he replied quietly, “you can move in with me.”
She laughed hollowly. “That would do our reputations a world of good.”
He blew out a cloud of smoke. “If gossip bothers you all that much, we can get married.” He said it carelessly, but his eyes were sharp on her face.
She knew she wasn’t breathing. She looked at him as the old wounds opened with a vengeance. “Why?” she asked.
He didn’t want to answer her. He didn’t want to admit, even to himself, that he was still vulnerable. He shrugged. “You need a place to stay. I’m tired of living alone. Since Abby and Calhoun moved out, the damned house is like a mausoleum.”
“You feel sorry for me,” she accused.
He took another draw from the cigarette. “Maybe I do. So what? Right now you don’t have many options. Either you borrow from me to afford Mrs. Simpson’s boarding house, or you marry me.” He studied the tip of the cigarette. “Of course, you can always go back to that converted storeroom over Barry Holman’s office and show him that you’re available—”
“You stop that,” she muttered. She shifted restlessly. “Mr. Holman isn’t that kind of man. And you have no reason to feel possessive about me.”
“Haven’t I?” His black eyes searched hers. “But I am, just the same. And I remember your saying the same thing about me. We were engaged once, Shelby. That kind of involvement doesn’t go away.”
“Some involvement,” she said with a tired sigh. “I never could decide why you wanted to marry me.”
“You were a feather in my cap,” he said coldly, lying through his teeth. “A rich sophisticate. I was just a country boy with stars in my eyes, and you took me for a hell of a ride, lady. Now it’s my turn. I’ve got money and you haven’t.” His dark eyes narrowed. “And don’t think I want to marry you out of some lingering passion.”
He hadn’t forgotten. It was in his eyes, his whole look. He’d marry her and make her hunger for a love he’d never felt, couldn’t feel for her. He held her in contempt because he thought she’d slept with Tom Wheelor, and that was the biggest joke of all. She was still a virgin, and wouldn’t it throw a stick into his spokes to find that out the hard way?
“No.” She sighed, belatedly answering his question. “I’m not stupid enough to think you still want me, after what I did to your pride.” She lifted her eyes to study the proud, arrogant set of his dark head, his eyes shadowed by the Stetson he always wore. “I used to think you cared for me a little, even though you never said you did.”
That was the truth. She’d never really been sure why he wanted to marry her. Except for that one night, he hadn’t been wild to try to get her into bed, and he’d never seemed emotionally involved, either. But she’d been so in love with him that she had not realized how relatively uninvolved he’d seemed until after their engagement had been broken.
He ignored her remarks. “If you want security, I can give it to you,” he said quietly. “I’ve got money now, although I’ll never be in the same class as your father was. He had millions.”
She closed her eyes on a wave of shame. She had her father and her own naïveté to thank for Justin’s bitterness. But Justin wanted revenge and she’d be a fool to deliver herself on a silver platter to him. “No, Justin. I can’t marry you,” she said after a minute. Her hand reached for the door handle. “It was a crazy idea!” She averted her face so that all he could see of it was her profile.
He put his hand over hers briefly, holding it, and then withdrew his fingers almost as quickly. His expression hardened. “It’s a big house,” he said. “With Calhoun and Abby living down the road, there’s only Lopez and Maria living with me. You wouldn’t need to work if you didn’t want to, and you’d have security.”
He was offering her heaven, except that it was impersonal on his part. More than anything else, he felt sorry for her. But under the pity was a darker need; she could feel it. Something in him wanted revenge for her rejection six years ago. His pride wanted restitution. Well, didn’t she owe him that, she wondered bitterly, after what her father had cost him? And she’d be near him. She’d have meals with him. She could sit with him in the evenings while he watched television. She could sleep under the same roof. Her hungry heart wanted that, so badly. Too badly.
“I don’t guess you’d…I don’t suppose you’d ever want a…” She couldn’t even say it. A child, she was thinking, although God only knew how she’d manage to deal with what had to happen to produce one.
“I won’t want a divorce,” he said, misunderstanding her thoughts. His eyes narrowed. “I’m not exactly Mr. America, in case you haven’t noticed. And I don’t want a woman I have to buy, unless it’s on my terms.”
That sounded suspiciously like a dig at her, because she’d refused him for what he thought was a lack of money. Her eyes lifted to his. “Do you still hate me, Justin?” she asked; she needed to know.
He stared at her without speaking for a long moment, quietly smoking his cigarette. “I’m not sure what I feel.”
That reply was honest enough, even if it wasn’t a declaration of undying love. There were so many wounds between them, so much bitterness. It was probably an insane thing to do, but she couldn’t resist the temptation.
She stared at his cigarette instead of at him. “I’ll marry you, then, if you mean it.”
He didn’t move, but something inside him went wild at the words. She couldn’t know how many nights he’d spent aching for just the sight of her, how desperately he wanted her near him. But he could never trust her again, and that was the hell of it. She was just a stray person, he told himself. Just someone who needed help. He had to think of her that way, and not want the moon. She might even play up to him out of gratitude, so he’d have to be on his guard every minute. But, oh, God, he wanted her so!
“Then we don’t need to see Mrs. Simpson until we’ve had time to make plans.” He started the car, pulled out onto the road and turned the Thunderbird toward the feedlot and his house. His hands had a perceptible tremor. He gripped the steering wheel hard to keep Shelby from seeing how her answer affected him.
If Maria and Lopez were shocked to see Shelby with Justin, they didn’t say anything. Lopez vanished into the kitchen while Maria fussed over Shelby, bringing coffee and pastries into the living room where Justin sprawled in his armchair and Shelby perched nervously on the edge of the sofa.
“Thank you, Maria,” Shelby said with a warm smile.
The Mexican woman smiled back. “It is my pleasure, señorita. I will be in the kitchen if you need me, señor,” she added to Justin before she went out, discreetly closing the door behind her.
Shelby noticed that Justin didn’t comment on Maria’s obvious conclusions. Perhaps Maria thought he might want to wrestle her down onto the sofa, but Shelby knew better. Justin had done that once, and only once. And she’d been so frightened that she’d reacted stupidly. She’d never forgiven herself for that. Justin had probably thought she found his ardor distasteful, and that was the last thing it had been.
She sighed, lowering her eyes to his black boots. They weren’t working boots; they were the ones he wore when he dressed up. He had such big feet and hands. She smiled, remembering how it had been when they’d first started dating. They’d been like children, fascinated with each other’s company, both of them a little shy and reserved. It had never gone beyond kisses except the night they got engaged.
“I said, do you want some coffee?” Justin repeated pointedly, holding the silver coffeepot over a cup he’d just filled.
“Oh. Yes, thank you.” She took it black, and apparently he remembered her preference, because he didn’t offer her any cream or sugar. He poured his own cup full, put a dash of cream in it and sat back with the china cup and saucer balanced on his crossed knee.
Shelby glanced at him and wondered how she could contemplate living under the same roof with him. He was so unapproachable. Obviously he wanted revenge. She’d be a fool to give him that much rope to hang her with.
On the other hand, if she was living with him, she had a better chance than ever of changing his mind about her. All she really had to do to prove her innocence was to get him into bed. But that was the whole problem. She was scared to death of intimacy.
“Why the blush?” he asked, watching her.
She cleared her throat. “It’s warm in here,” she said.
“Is it?” He laughed mirthlessly and sipped his coffee. “In case you wondered, you’ll have your own room. I won’t expect any repayment for giving you a home.”
The blush went scarlet. She had to fight not to fling her cup at him. “You’re making me sound like a charity case.”
“I’ll bet that rankles,” he agreed. “But Tyler can’t help you and hold down a job at the same time. And you’ll never make it on what Holman pays you, with all due respect to him. Secretaries in small towns don’t make much.”
“I’m not mercenary,” she said defensively.
“Sure,” he replied. He sipped his coffee without another word.
“Listen, Justin, it was all my father’s idea, that fake engagement to Tom Wheelor—”
“Your father would never have done that to me,” he interrupted coldly, and his eyes went black, threatening as he leaned forward. “Don’t try to use him for a scapegoat just because he’s dead. He was one of the best friends I had.”
That’s what you think, she mused bitterly. Obviously it wasn’t going to do any good to talk to him. Just because her father had put on a show of liking him was no reason to put the man on a pedestal. God only knew why Justin had such respect for a man who’d caused him years of bitter humiliation.
“You’ll never trust me again, will you?” she asked softly.
He studied her lovely face, her pale green eyes staring at him, her gaze burning into his soul. “No,” he replied with the honesty that was as much a part of him as his craggy face and thick black hair. “There’s too much water under the bridge. But if you think I’m nursing a broken heart, don’t. I found you out just a little too soon. My pride suffered, but you never touched my heart.”
“I don’t imagine any woman ever got close enough to do that,” she said, her voice soft. She traced the rim of the china cup. “Abby told me once that you haven’t dated anyone for a long time.”
“I’m thirty-seven years old,” he reminded her. “I sowed my wild oats years ago, even before I started going with you.” He finished his coffee and put the cup down. His black eyes met hers in a direct gaze. “And we both know that you’ve sown yours, and who with.”
“You don’t know me at all, Justin,” she said. “You never did. You said I was a status symbol to you, and looking back, I guess I was, at that.” She laughed bitterly. “You used to take me around to your friends to show me off, and I felt like one of those purebred horses Ty used to take to the steeplechase.”
He stared at her over his smoking cigarette. “I took you around because you were pretty and sweet, and I liked being with you,” he said heavily. “That was a lot of garbage about wanting you for a status symbol.”
She leaned back wearily. “Thank you for telling me,” she said. “But I guess it doesn’t matter now, does it?” She finished her coffee and put the cup down. “Are we going to have a church wedding?” she asked.
“Aren’t we a little old for that kind of ceremony?” he asked.
“I can see you’re still eating live rattlesnakes to keep your venom potent,” she said without flinching. “I want a church wedding.”
He dusted the long ash from his cigarette into an ashtray. “It would be quicker to go to a justice of the peace.”
“I’m not pregnant,” she reminded him, averting her self-conscious face. “There’s no great rush, is there?”
She was tying him up in knots. He glared at her. “All right, have your church wedding. You can stay at Mrs. Simpson’s until we’re married, just to keep everything discreet.” His dark eyes narrowed as he got up and crushed out his cigarette. “There’s just one thing. Don’t you come down that aisle in a white dress. If you dare, I’ll walk out the front door of the church and keep going.”
She lifted her chin. “Don’t you know what every woman in the congregation will think?”
The soft accusation in her green eyes made him feel guilty. He was still hurt by Shelby’s affair with Tom Wheelor. He’d wanted to sting her, but he hadn’t counted on the wounded look in her eyes.
“You can wear something cream-colored,” he muttered reluctantly.
Her lower lip trembled. “Take me to bed.” Her eyes dared him, even though she went scarlet and shuddered at her own boldness. “If you think I’m lying about being innocent, I can prove I’m telling the truth!”
His black eyes cut back to hers, unblinking. “You know as well as I do that it takes a doctor to establish virginity. Even an experienced man can’t tell.”
Her face colored. She could have told him that in her case, it would be more than normally evident, and that her doctor could so easily settle all his doubts. She started to, despite her embarrassment at discussing such an intimate subject, but before she could open her mouth, there was a quick knock at the door and Lopez came in with a message for Justin.
“I’ve got some cattle out in the road,” he told Shelby. “Come on. I’ll run you over to Mrs. Simpson’s first. You can call Abby and make plans for the wedding. She’ll be glad to help with the invitations and such.”
She didn’t even argue. She was too drained. They were going to be married, but he was going to see to it that she was publicly disgraced, like an adultress being paraded through the streets.
Her teeth ground together as they went out to the car. Well, she’d get around him somehow. She wasn’t going to wear anything except a white gown to walk down that aisle. And if he left her standing there, all right. Maybe he didn’t even mean what he’d said. She had to keep believing that, for the sake of her pride. He didn’t know, and she’d hurt him badly. But, oh, how different things had been six years ago.
Shelby had known the Ballengers all her life. Ty, her brother, and Calhoun, Justin’s brother, were friends. That meant that she naturally saw Justin from time to time. At first he’d been cold and very standoffish, but Shelby had thought of him as a challenge. She’d started teasing him gently, flirting shyly. And the change in him had been devastating.
They’d gone to a Halloween party at a mutual friend’s, and someone had handed Shelby a guitar. To Justin’s amazement, she’d played it easily, trying to slow down enough to adjust to the rather inept efforts of their host, who was learning to play lead guitar.
Without a word, Justin had perched himself on a chair beside her and held out his hand. Their host, with a grin that Shelby hadn’t understood at the time, gave the instrument to Justin. He nodded to Shelby, tapped out the meter with his booted foot and launched into a rendition of San Antonio Rose that brought the house down.
After the first shock wore off, Shelby’s long, graceful fingers caught up the rhythm and seconded him to perfection. He looked into her eyes as they wound to a finish, and he smiled. And at that moment, Shelby gave him her heart.
It wasn’t a sudden thing, really. She’d known for years how kind he was. He’d just taken Abby in and given her a home when the girl’s mother and Mr. Ballenger had died in a tragic car wreck. Justin was always around when someone needed a helping hand, and there wasn’t a more generous or harder working man in Jacobsville. He had a temper, too, but he controlled it most of the time, and his men respected him because he didn’t ask them to do anything he wasn’t willing to do himself. He was the boss, along with Calhoun, but Justin was always the first to arrive and the last to leave when there was a job to be done. He had many admirable qualities, and Shelby was young and impressionable, and just at the right age to fall hopelessly in love with an older man.
After that night, she seemed to see Justin everywhere. At the restaurant where she had lunch with a friend on Tuesdays and Thursdays, at social events, at charity bazaars, where she went riding on trails that wound near the Ballenger property. It didn’t occur to her to wonder why such a reclusive, hard-working man suddenly had so much free time and spent it at places she was known to frequent. She was in love, and every second spent with Justin fed her hungry heart.
She hadn’t thought he was interested in her at first. They had a lot in common, despite their very different backgrounds, and he seemed to enjoy talking to her.
Then, very suddenly, everything changed. They were walking down the trail, near where they’d tied their horses, and Justin had suddenly stopped walking to lean against a tree. He didn’t say a word, but the expression in his eyes spoke volumes. He had a smoking cigarette in one hand, but he held out the other one to Shelby.
Shelby didn’t know what to expect when she took it. Her heart was hammering and she looked at his mouth and wanted it obsessively. Perhaps he knew that, but he didn’t take advantage of it.
He pulled her closer. Only their hands were touching. Then, his black eyes searching her soft green ones, he bent slowly, giving her all the time in the world to pull back, to hesitate, to show him that she didn’t want him.
But she did. She stood very still as his hard lips brushed hers, her eyes open, watching him. He lifted his head and searched her eyes.
He dropped the cigarette and ground it out under his boot while her heart went crazy. His arms slid around her, bringing her against him but not intimately. He bent again and kissed her with tenderness and respect, with soft wonder. She kissed him back the same way, her arms around his shoulders, her mind sinking into layers of pleasure.
He drew back a minute later and let her go without a word. He took her hand in his and they started walking.
“Do you want a big wedding, or will a civil service do?” he asked as easily as if they were discussing the weather.
And just that quickly they were engaged. That night they went back to her house and told her father. Although his first expression was explosive, they didn’t see it. He turned away long enough to compose himself, and then he made happy conversation and welcomed Justin into the family. Justin took Shelby home to share the news with Calhoun and Abby, but Abby was spending the night with a girlfriend and Calhoun had flown to Oklahoma to see a man on business.
They’d had the house to themselves. Shelby remembered so vividly how they’d laughed and toasted their future happiness. Then he’d drawn her to him and kissed her in a very different way, and she’d blushed at the intimacy of his tongue probing delicately inside her lips.
“We’re going to be married,” he’d whispered with open delight at her innocence. “I won’t hurt you.”
“I know.” She buried her face in his white silk shirt. “But it’s so new, being like this with you.”
“It’s new for me, too,” he breathed. His chest rose and fell heavily. He moved her hands a little to the side of the buttons on his shirt and pressed them hard against him while he flipped buttons out of buttonholes and then guided her fingers to the thick mat of hair that covered his muscular, suntanned chest.
“Now,” he breathed. “Touch me, Shelby.”
She was shocked at this new intimacy, but when he bent and took her mouth under his, she forgot the shock and relaxed against him. Her fingers curled, liking the feel of him, the smell of him that lingered like spice in her nostrils.
“Harder,” he whispered roughly. He pressed her hands closer and when she looked up, there was an expression in his eyes that she’d never seen in the weeks they’d been going together. Something wild and out of control was visible there. She trembled a little at that glimpse of desire she hadn’t expected to find in such a controlled man.
Then his hand went under her nape, lifting her up to his mouth, and he took her lips in brief, biting kisses that had an unexpected, unbelievable effect on her. She moaned helplessly, frightened at the new sensations.
But to Justin, a moan had a totally different meaning. He thought she was as immersed in pleasure as he was, and his mouth grew suddenly invasive, insistent. His hands dropped to Shelby’s slender hips and suddenly lifted her against him into an embrace that shocked her senseless.
She knew very little about men and intimacy, but the changed contours of Justin’s hard body told her graphically what he was feeling. He groaned into her mouth as he moved against her in blatant arousal.
She struggled, but he was strong and half out of his mind with unbridled passion. He didn’t realize that she was trying to get away until she dragged her mouth away from his and pushed at him, begging him to stop.
He lifted his head, breathing roughly, his eyes black with frustration.
“Shelby…” he ground out in agony.
“Let me go!” she moaned. “Please…Justin, don’t!”
“I’ll stop before we go all the way,” he whispered against her mouth, and bent to kiss her again. Her protests muffled under his warm, drugging mouth, he lifted her off the floor and carried her to the sofa, putting her down gently, full-length, on its soft cushions.
He shuddered with unbearable need, his mouth rough as it pressed against hers. His body slid over her, pushing her into the cushions, heavy and hard and intimate. She felt his sudden loss of control with real fear. She knew what could happen, and that they were engaged. He might not try very hard to stop.
“Justin!”
“I’m not going to take your chastity, Shelby,” he breathed into her mouth. His brows drew together in agonized pleasure as his hands slid over her hips. “Oh, God, honey, don’t hold back with me. Let me love you. Kiss me back…”
The words died against her soft mouth. He kissed her with growing hunger, his loss of control evident in the urgent movement of his hips against hers, his hands suddenly searching as they moved over her soft breasts. Then his knee moved between her legs and she panicked.
She began to fight him, afraid of the unfamiliar intimacy that was beyond her experience. She pushed at him. All at once, he seemed to feel her resistance. He lifted his head, his eyes blazing with black hunger, and just stared at her for an instant, disoriented. Then when he saw the rejection, felt it in the stiffness of her body, he suddenly tore away from her and got to his feet. By the time she was able to breathe again, he was standing several feet away smoking a cigarette. Several tense minutes passed before he turned around again to pour brandy into two snifters. He gave her one and smiled mockingly at the way she avoided touching him.
He turned away from her to stare out the window while he sipped his brandy. His back was ramrod stiff. “We’ll sleep together when we’re married,” he said. “I hope you know that I don’t plan on separate rooms.”
“I know.” She sipped her own drink with shaking hands, wanting to explain, but his attitude was hardly welcoming. “Justin…I’m a virgin.”
“Don’t you think I knew that?” he asked tersely. He looked at her and his expression was a cold and totally unreadable mask, hiding emotions she couldn’t even guess at. “My God, we’re going to be married. Do I have to stop touching you altogether until the ring’s on your finger?”
She started to speak and lowered her eyes to her glass. She stiffened. “Perhaps…it might be wiser.”
“Considering my lack of control, I suppose you mean.” He said it icily, in a tone she’d never heard him use. He drank his brandy and after a while, the anger seemed to go out of him, to Shelby’s relief. He didn’t apologize, but he went to her and took her hand gently, smiling at her as if nothing at all had happened. They drank brandy, and he taught her a Mexican drinking song as the aftereffects of the evening and the potency of the aged brandy began to work on them. Maria and Lopez had chanced to come home then from a party and Justin had taken Shelby home. Maria had been raging at him in Spanish, and Shelby only found out later that the song he’d been teaching her wasn’t one she could ever sing in public.
She’d looked forward to the wedding with joy and also with apprehension. Justin’s passion had unsettled her and made her doubt her ability to match him. He was experienced and she wasn’t, and she was more afraid than ever of having him make love to her when he was totally out of control.
But there was no cause for alarm, because there was no more heated lovemaking. The most ardent move he made for days afterward was to kiss her cheek or hold hands with her, and all the while, those black eyes wandered over her with the strangest searching expression. She relaxed and began to enjoy his company again, losing her nervousness since he wasn’t making any more demands on her.
Then, suddenly, her father had put an end to it. Give up Justin, he’d demanded, or watch him lose everything he had. Justin would end up hating her, her father had said. He’d blame her for making him poor and their marriage wouldn’t stand a chance. His pride alone would kill it.
She’d been very young and unworldly, and her father was an old hand at getting what he wanted. He’d enlisted aid from Tom Wheelor, who was motivated by the thought of a beneficial merger. And she’d done what her father asked and lied to Justin, admitted to having an affair with Tom, to wanting wealth and position, things that Justin couldn’t give her.
So long ago, she thought. So much pain. She’d only been protecting Justin, trying to spare him the agony of losing everything he and his family had worked so long and so hard to achieve. But in the process, she’d sacrificed her own happiness. She had only herself to blame for Justin’s cold attitude. And not only did she blame herself for her betrayal, but she also hadn’t been honest with him about the reasons she’d been afraid to let him touch her.
Now he was going to marry her out of pity, not out of love. And, too, there was always his wish for revenge. She didn’t know how she was going to live with him, but only proximity was going to change his mind about her. And living with him would be so sweet. Even though she couldn’t be the kind of woman he needed, it was all of heaven to be near him. Maybe one day she’d find the courage to tell him the truth about herself, to make him understand.
All her doubts were back. But she’d given her word to go through with the wedding, and she couldn’t back down now. She was going to have to make the best of it, and hope that Justin’s thirst for revenge wasn’t prompting his decision to marry her.
Chapter Three (#ulink_e6c7ac84-9216-5eac-8645-c7f9cb6e1364)
Abby was enlisted to help Shelby with the wedding preparations. Shelby had always liked the Ballenger brothers’ ward. Abby seemed to understand so well what was going on between Justin and his ex-fiancée.
“I don’t imagine Justin is making it easy for you,” Abby said while they addressed envelopes for the invitations that they’d just picked up from the printer.
Shelby brushed back a strand of dark hair, sighing gently. “He feels sorry for me,” she said with a faint smile. “And maybe he’s bent on revenge. But I’m afraid that’s all he’s got to give me.”
“He seemed to be coming around pretty well the night we all went to that square dance and Calhoun spent most of it dancing with you,” Abby recalled, tongue in cheek. It was easy to laugh about the past now, although she and Justin had been devastated at the time.
Shelby cleared her throat. “Justin had enough to say to me when we danced. Afterward, I guess he gave Calhoun the devil, if his expression was anything to go by. He was mad.”
“Mad!” Abby laughed. Her blue-gray eyes searched Shelby’s. “He went home and got drunk. Worse,” she confessed ruefully, “he got me drunk, too. When Calhoun got back from taking you home, we were sprawled on the sofa together trying to figure out a way to get up and lock him out of the house.”
Shelby’s eyes glistened with amused light. “Abby!”
“Oh, it gets even better,” she added. “Justin taught me this horribly obscene Spanish drinking song…”
Shelby blushed, remembering the first time she’d heard that song. “He taught it to me, too, the night we got engaged, and we were just starting to sing it when Maria came in and was furious.”
Abby finished one of the envelopes and put an invitation in it, sealing it absently while she studied Shelby’s reflective expression. “Justin never got over you, you know.”
Shelby’s eyes lifted. “He never got over what I did, you mean. He’s so unbending, Abby. And I can’t blame him for the way he feels. At the time, I lacerated his pride.”
“Why?”
The other woman only smiled. “I thought I was saving him, you see,” she said quietly. “My father didn’t want a cowboy for a son-in-law. He had a rich man all earmarked for me, a financially advantageous marriage. But I wouldn’t play along, and when he found out I’d agreed to marry Justin, he set out to destroy the relationship.” She turned a sealed envelope in her hands. “I never realized how ruthless my father could be until then. He threatened to ruin Justin if I didn’t go along.” She smoothed the envelope as she remembered the bitterness. “I didn’t believe him, so I called his bluff. The bank foreclosed on the feedlot and the Ballenger boys almost lost everything.”
“It was a long time ago,” Abby said, touching her hand gently. “The feedlot is prosperous now. In fact, it was then. Wasn’t it?”
“My father promised that if I went along with his proposition, he’d pull a few strings and talk the bank out of putting the place on public auction. Justin told me about the bankruptcy proceedings,” she added. “He was devastated. He even talked about calling off the engagement, so I figured I was going to lose him anyway and it might as well be to his advantage. At the time,” she added, remembering how distant Justin had been, how standoffish, “I remember thinking that he’d changed his mind about marrying me. I was pretty reserved.” She didn’t enlarge on that, but she remembered clearly the way Justin had reacted when she’d struggled away from him on the sofa. But surely that hadn’t hurt his pride. He must have been pretty experienced.
Abby leaned forward. “What did your father do?”
“He produced Tom Wheelor, my new fiancé, and took him to meet Justin. He told Justin,” she continued dully, “that I’d only been dating him to make Tom propose, because Tom was rich and Justin wasn’t. He made out that it was all my fault, that I was the culprit. Justin believed him. He believed that I’d deliberately led him on, just to get Tom jealous enough to marry me. And then Dad told Justin that Tom and I were lovers, and Tom confirmed it.”
Abby lifted her eyes. “You weren’t,” she said with certainty.
Shelby smiled. “Bless you for seeing the truth. Of course we weren’t. But in order to save Justin’s fledgling business, I had to go along with my father’s lie. So when Justin called me and asked me for the truth, I told him what I’d been coached to say.” She lowered her gaze to the carpet. “I told him that I wanted money, that I’d never wanted him, that it was all a game I’d been playing to amuse myself while I brought Tom in line.” Her eyes closed. “I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forget the silence on the line, or the way he hung up, so quietly. A few weeks later, all the talk of bankruptcy died down, so I guess Dad convinced the bank that the Ballengers were a good risk. Tom Wheelor and I went around together for a while, to convince Justin, and then I went to Europe for six months and did my best to get myself killed on ski jumps all over Switzerland. Eventually I came back, but something in me died because of what my father did. He realized it at last, just before I lost him. He even apologized. But it was much too late.”
“If you could just make Justin listen…” Abby sighed.
“He won’t. He can’t forgive me, Abby. It was like a public execution. Everybody knew that I’d jilted him for a richer man. You know how he hates gossip. That destroyed his pride.”
Abby grimaced. “He must have realized that your father didn’t approve of him.”
“Oh, that was the beauty of it. My father welcomed Justin into the family with open arms and made a production about how proud he was going to be of his new son.” She laughed bitterly. “Even when he went to Justin with Tom, my father played his part to perfection. He was almost in tears at the callous way I’d treated poor Justin.”
“But why? Just for a merger? Didn’t he care about your happiness?”
“My father was an empire builder,” she said simply. “He let nothing get in the way of business, especially not the children. Ty never knew,” she added. “He’d have been furious if he’d had any inkling, but it was part of the bargain that I couldn’t tell Ty, either.”
“Haven’t you ever told Ty the truth?”
“It didn’t seem necessary,” Shelby replied. “Ty is a loner. It’s hard even for me to talk to him, to get close to him. I think that may be why he’s never married. He can’t open up to people. Dad was hard on him. Even harder than he was on me. He ridiculed Ty and browbeat him most of our childhood. He grew up tough because he had to be, to survive his home life.”
“I never knew. I like Ty,” Abby said with a smile. “He’s a very special man.”
Shelby smiled back. She didn’t tell Abby that Ty had been infatuated with her. And on top of losing his entire heritage and having to go to work for someone else, losing his chance with Abby was just the last straw. Ty had left for Arizona and his new job without a voiced regret. Perhaps the change would do him good.
Mrs. Simpson brought in a tray of cake and coffee and the three women sat and talked about the wedding until Abby had to leave. Shelby hadn’t told anyone what Justin had said about her dress. But the next day she went into Jacobsville to the small boutique that one of her childhood playmates now owned, and the smart linen suit she bought to be married in was white.
That didn’t worry her, because she knew she could prove to Justin that she was more than entitled to the symbolic white dress. Then she went for her premarital examination.
Dr. Sims had been her family doctor for half her life, and the tall, graying man was like family to all his patients. His quiet explanation after the examination, after the blood test was done by his lab, made her feel sick all over. And even though she protested, he was quietly firm about the necessity.
“It’s only a very minor bit of surgery,” he said. “You’ll hardly feel it. And frankly, Shelby, if it isn’t done, your wedding night is going to be a nightmare.” He explained it in detail, and when he finished, she realized that she didn’t have a choice. Justin might swear that he was never going to touch her in bed, but she knew it was unrealistic to assume that they could live together without going too far. And with the minor surgery, some pain could be avoided.
She finally agreed, but she insisted that he do only a partial job, so that there was no doubt she was a virgin. Doctor Sims muttered something about old-fashioned idiocy, but he did as she asked. He murmured something about the difficulty she might still encounter because of her stubbornness and that she might need to come back and see him. She hadn’t wanted to argue about it, but it was important for Justin to believe her. This was the only proof she had left. The thing was, she hadn’t counted on the prospect of such discomfort, and it began to wear on her mind. Had she done the right thing? She wanted Justin to know, without having to be told, that she was innocent. But that prospect of being hurt was just as frightening as it had been in the past—more so.
The wedding was the social event of the season. Shelby hadn’t expected so many people to congregate in the Jacobsville Methodist church to see her get married. Certainly there were more spectators than she’d included on her list.
Abby and Calhoun were sitting in the family pew, holding hands, the tall blond man and the dark-haired woman so much in love that they radiated it all around. Beside them was Shelby’s green-eyed, black-haired brother, Tyler, towering above everyone except Calhoun. There were neighbors and friends, and Misty Davies, Abby’s friend, on the other side of the church. Justin was nowhere in sight, and Shelby almost panicked as she remembered his threat to leave if she wore a white dress.
But when the wedding march struck up, the minister and Justin were waiting for her at the altar. She had to bite her lower lip hard and grip her bouquet of daisies to keep from shaking as she walked down the aisle.
She and Justin had decided not to have a best man or a matron of honor, or much ceremony except for the actual service. There were plenty of flowers around the altar, and a candelabra with three unlit white candles. The minister was in his robes, and Justin was in a formal black suit, very elegant as he waited for his bride to join him.
When she reached him, and took her place at his side, she looked up. Her green eyes caught his black ones and her expression invited him to do what he’d threatened, to walk out of the church.
It was a tense moment and for one horrible second, he looked as if he were thinking about it. But the moment passed. He lifted his cold eyes to the minister and he repeated what he was told to say without a trace of expression in his deep voice.
He placed a thin gold band on her hand. There had been no engagement ring, and he hadn’t mentioned buying one. He’d bought her ring himself, on a trip to town, and he hadn’t asked if she wanted him to wear one. Probably he didn’t want to.
They replied to the final questions and lit two candles, each holding a flame to the third candle, signifying the unity of two people into one. The minister pronounced them man and wife. He invited Justin to kiss his bride.
Justin turned to Shelby with an expression she couldn’t read. He looked down at her for a long moment before he bent his head and brushed a light, cool kiss across her lips. Then he took her arm and propelled her down the aisle and outside into the hall, where they were surrounded seconds later by well-wishers.
There was no time to talk. The reception was held in the fellowship hall of the church, and punch, cake and canapés were consumed while Shelby and Justin were each occupied with guests.
Someone had a camera and asked them to pose for a photograph. They hadn’t hired anyone to take pictures of the wedding, an oversight that Shelby was secretly disappointed at. She’d hoped for at least a photograph of them together, but perhaps this one would do.
She stood beside Justin and smiled, feeling his arm draw her to his side. Her eyes lifted to his, but it was hard to hold the smile as those black eyes cut into hers.
The instant the camera was gone, he glared at her. “I said any color except white.”
“Yes, Justin, I know you did,” she said calmly. “And think how you’d have felt if I’d insisted that you wear a blue dress instead of a black suit to be married in.”
He blinked, as if he wasn’t quite sure he’d heard right. “A white dress means—” he began indignantly.
“—a first wedding,” she finished for him. “This is mine.”
His eyes kindled. “You and I both know there’s an implied second reason for wearing white, and you aren’t entitled to it.” He noticed something darken her eyes and his own narrowed. “You told me you could prove it, though, didn’t you, Shelby?” He smiled coldly. “I just might let you do that before we’re through.”
She blushed and averted her eyes. For an instant, she felt cowardly, thinking about how difficult it was going to be if he wasn’t gentle, if he treated her like the scarlet woman he thought she was. It didn’t bear consideration, and she shivered. “I don’t have to prove anything to you.”
He laughed, the sound of it like ice shattering. “You can’t, can you? It was all bravado, to keep me guessing until we were married.”
Her eyes lifted to his. “Justin…”
“Never mind.” He pulled out a cigarette and lit it. “I told you, we won’t be sharing a bed. I don’t care about your chastity.”
She felt an aching sadness for what might have been between them and she looked at him, her eyes soft and quietly adoring on his craggy features. He was so beautiful. Not handsome, but beautifully made, for a man, from his lithe, powerful build to his black eyes and thick black hair and olive complexion. He looked exactly the way a man should, she decided.
He glanced down at her, caught in that warm appraisal. His cigarette hovered in midair while he searched her eyes, holding them for so long that her heart went wild in her chest. She let her eyes fall to his chiseled mouth, and she wanted it suddenly with barely contained passion. If only she could be the uninhibited woman she wanted to be, and not such a frightened innocent. Justin intimidated her. He had to be at least as worldly as Calhoun. She’d disappoint him, anyway, but if only she could tell him the truth and ask him to be gentle. She shivered at the thought of telling him something so intimate.
It was a blessing that Ty chose that moment to say his goodbyes, sparing Shelby the embarrassment of having Justin mock her for her weakness.
“I’ve got to catch a plane back to Arizona,” he told his sister as he bent his head to brush her cheek with his lips. “My temporary lady boss is scared stiff of men.”
Shelby’s eyes brightened. “She’s what?”
Ty looked frankly uncomfortable. “She’s nervous around men,” he said reluctantly. “Damn it, she hides behind me at dances, at meetings…it’s embarrassing.”
Shelby had to fight down laughter. Her very independent brother didn’t like clinging women, but this one seemed to be affecting him very strangely. His temporary boss was the niece of his permanent boss. She lived in Arizona, where she was trying to cope with an indebted dude ranch. Ty’s boss in Jacobsville had sent him out to help. He’d hated it at the beginning, and he still seemed to, but maybe the mysterious Arizona lady was getting to him.
“Maybe she feels safe with you?” Shelby asked.
He glowered at her. “Well, it’s got to stop. It’s like having poison ivy wrap itself around you.”
“Is she ugly?” Shelby persisted.
“Kind of plain and unsophisticated,” he murmured. “Not too bad, I guess, if you like tomboys. I don’t,” he added doggedly.
“Why don’t you quit?” Justin asked. “You can work for Calhoun and me, we’ve already offered you a job.”
“Yes, I know. I appreciated it, too, considering how strained things were between our families,” Ty said honestly. “But this job is kind of a challenge and that part I like.”
Justin smiled. “Come and stay when you get homesick.”
Ty shook his outstretched hand. “I might, one day. I like kids,” he added. “A few nieces and nephews wouldn’t bother me.”
Justin looked murderous and Shelby went scarlet. Ty frowned, and Justin thanked God that Calhoun and Abby joined them in time to ward off trouble. He didn’t want to think about kids. Shelby sure wouldn’t want his, not if the way she’d reacted to him the one time he’d been ardent with her was any indication. She was repulsed by him.
“Isn’t this a nice wedding?” Calhoun asked Ty, joining the small group with his arm around a laughing Abby. “Doesn’t it give you any ideas?”
Ty smiled at Abby. “It does that, all right. It makes me want to get an inoculation, quick,” he murmured drily.
“You’ll outgrow that attitude one day,” Calhoun assured him. “We all get chopped down at the ankles eventually,” he added, and ducked when Abby hit his chest. “Sorry, honey.” He chuckled, brushing a lazy kiss against her forehead. “You know I didn’t mean it.”
“Can we give you a lift to the airport, or did you rent a car?” Abby asked Ty.
“I rented a car, but thanks all the same. Why don’t you two walk me out to it?” He kissed Shelby again. “Be happy,” he said gently.
“I expect to,” she said, and smiled in Justin’s direction.
Ty nodded, but he didn’t look convinced. When he followed Abby and Calhoun out of the fellowship hall, he was preoccupied and frowning thoughtfully.
The reception seemed to go on forever, and Shelby was grateful when it was finally time to go home. Justin had sent Lopez to fetch Shelby’s things from Mrs. Simpson’s house early that morning. The guest room had been prepared for Shelby. Maria had questioned that, but only once, because Justin’s cold eyes had silenced her. Maria understood more than he realized, anyway. She, like everyone else on the property, knew that despite his bitterness, Justin still had a soft spot for Shelby. She was alone and impoverished, and it didn’t surprise anybody that Justin had married her. If he felt the need for a little vengeance in the process, that wasn’t unexpected, either.
“Thank God that’s over,” Justin said wearily when they were alone in the house. He’d tugged off his tie and jacket and unbuttoned the neck of his shirt and rolled up the sleeves. He looked ten years older than he was.
Shelby put her purse on the hall table and took off her high heels, smoothing her stockinged feet on the soft pile of the carpet. It felt good not to be two inches taller.
Justin glanced at her and smiled to himself, but he turned away before she could see it. “Do you want to go out for supper or have it here?”
“I don’t care.”
“I suppose it would look odd if we went to a restaurant on our wedding night, wouldn’t it?” he added, turning to give her a mocking smile.
She glared at him. “Go ahead,” she invited. “Spoil the rest of it, too. God forbid that I should enjoy my own wedding day.”
He frowned as she turned and started up the staircase. “What the hell are you talking about?”
She didn’t look at him. She held onto the railing and stared up at the landing. “You couldn’t have made your feelings plainer if you’d worn a sign with all your grievances painted on it in blood. I know you hate me, Justin. You married me out of pity, but part of you still wants to make me pay for what I did to you.”
He’d lit a cigarette and he was smoking it, propped against the doorjamb, his face quiet, his black eyes curious. “Dreams die hard, honey, didn’t you know?” he asked coldly.
She turned around, her green eyes steady on his. “You weren’t the only one who dreamed, Justin,” she said. “I cared about you!”
His jaw tautened. “Sure you did. That’s why you sold me out for that boy millionaire.”
She stroked the banister absently. “Odd that I didn’t marry him, isn’t it?” she asked casually. “Very odd, wouldn’t you say, when I wanted his money badly enough to jilt you.”
He lifted the cigarette to his mouth. “He threw you over, I guess, when he found out you wanted the money more than you wanted him.”
“I never wanted him, or his money,” she said honestly. “I had enough of my own.”
He smiled at her. “Did you?” Surely she didn’t expect him to believe she was unaware of how much financial trouble her father had been in.
“You won’t listen,” she muttered. “You never would. I tried to tell you why I broke off the engagement—”
“You told me, all right! You couldn’t stand for me to touch you, but I knew that already.” His eyes glittered dangerously. “You pushed me away the night we got engaged,” he added huskily. “You were shaking like a leaf and your eyes were as big as saucers. You couldn’t get away from me quick enough.”
Her lips parted on a slow breath. “And you thought it was revulsion, of course?” she asked miserably.
“What else could it have been?” he shot back, his eyes glaring. “I didn’t come down in the last rain shower.” He turned. “Change your clothes and we’ll have supper. I don’t know about you, but I’m hungry.”
She wished she could tell him the truth. She wanted to, but he was so remote and his detached attitude intimidated her. With a sigh, she turned and went up the staircase numbly, wondering how she was going to live with a man she couldn’t even talk to about intimacy.
They had a quiet wedding supper. Maria put everything on the table and she and Lopez went out for the evening, offering quiet congratulations before they left.
Justin leaned back in his chair when he’d finished his steak and salad, watching Shelby pick at hers.
He felt vaguely guilty about their wedding day. But in a way, he was hiding from her. Hiding his real feelings, hiding his apprehension about losing her a second time. It had wrung him out emotionally six years before. He didn’t think he could bear it a second time, so he was trying to protect himself from becoming too vulnerable. But her sad little face was getting to him.
“Damn it, Shelby,” he ground out, “don’t look like that.”
She lifted her eyes. There was no life in them anymore. “I’m tired,” she said softly. “Do you mind if I go to bed after we eat?”
“Yes, I mind.” He threw down his napkin and lit a cigarette. “It’s our wedding night.”
She laughed bitterly. “So it is. What did you have in mind, some more comments on my scarlet past?”
He frowned slightly. She didn’t sound like Shelby. That edge to her voice was disturbing. His eyes narrowed. She’d lost her father, her home, her entire way of life, even her brother. She’d lost everything in recent weeks, and married him because she needed a little security. He’d given her hell, and now she looked as if today was the last straw on the camel’s back. He hadn’t meant for it to be that way. He didn’t want to hurt her. But he couldn’t seem to keep quiet; there were so many wounds.
He sighed heavily. His black eyes searched her wan face, remembering better times, happier times, when he could look at her and get drunk on just the sight of her smile.
“Are you sure you want to keep on working?” he asked quietly, just to change the subject, to get the conversation on an easier level.
She stared down at her plate. “Yes, I’d like to,” she said. “I’ve never really done any work before, except society functions and volunteer work. I like my job.”
“And Barry Holman?” he asked, his smile a challenge.
She got up. She was still wearing her white skirt with a pale pink blouse, and she looked feminine and elegant and very desirable. Her long hair waved down to her shoulders, and Justin wanted to get up and catch two handfuls of it and kiss her until she couldn’t stand up.
“Mr. Holman is my boss,” she said. “Not my lover. I don’t have a lover.”
He got up, too, moving closer, his eyes narrow and calculating, his body tense with years of frustrated desire. “You’re going to have one,” he said curtly.
She wouldn’t back away. She wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of watching her run. She lifted her face proudly, even though her knees felt weak and her heart was racing madly. She was afraid of him because of their past, because he wanted revenge. She was afraid because he thought she was experienced, and even with that minor surgery, she knew that it wasn’t going to be the easiest time of her life. Justin was deceptively strong. She knew the power in that lean, hard body, and to be overwhelmed by it in passion was a little scary.
He watched the fear flicker in her eyes, and understood it instantly. “You’re off base, honey,” he said quietly. “Way off base. I’d never hurt you in bed, not for revenge or any other reason.”
Her lower lip trembled on a stifled sob and tears welled in her eyes. She lowered her gaze to his broad chest, missing the faint shock in his face at her reaction. “Maybe you wouldn’t be able to help it,” she whispered.
“Shelby, are you really afraid of me?” he asked
huskily.
Her thin shoulders shifted. “Yes. I’m sorry.”
“Were you afraid with him?” he asked. “With Wheelor?”
She opened her mouth to speak and just gave up. What was the use? He wasn’t going to listen. She turned away and went toward the staircase.
“Running won’t solve anything,” he said shortly, watching her go with mingled feelings, the foremost of which was anger.
“Neither will trying to talk to you,” she replied. She turned at the bottom of the staircase, her green eyes bright with unshed tears and returning spirit. “Do your worst. Make me pay. I’m fresh out of things I care about. I’ve got absolutely nothing left to lose, so look out, Justin. I’m not going to live up to your idea of a society wife. I’m going to be myself, and I’m sorry if it destroys any of your old illusions.”
He eyed her quietly. “Meaning what?”
“No affairs,” she replied, picking the thought out of his mind. “Despite what you think of me, I’m not starved for a man.”
“That much I’d believe,” he said shortly. “My God, I get more warmth out of an ice cube than I ever got from you!”
She felt the impact of those words like daggers against her bare skin. She should have realized that he thought her frigid, but it had never really registered before.
“Maybe Tom Wheelor got more!” she threw at him.
His black eyes splintered with rage. He actually started toward her before he checked himself with the iron control that he kept on his temper.
Shelby saw that movement, and thanked God that he stopped when he did. She lifted her chin. “Good night, Justin. Thank you for a roof over my head and a place to live.”
His eyelids flickered as she started up the staircase. Looking at her he recalled years of dreams, of remembered delight in just being with her, frustration at having to hold back only to lose her anyway. He still cared. He’d lied to protect his pride, but he cared so much. And he was losing her, all over again.
He wanted to tell her that he hadn’t meant to accuse her of being frigid. He’d wanted her to distraction, and she hadn’t wanted him. That had hurt far more than having her break their engagement, especially when he’d found out that Tom Wheelor was her lover. It had damned near killed him. And here she was throwing it in his teeth, hitting him in his most vulnerable spot. He’d always wondered if she found him revolting physically. That was what made him believe that she’d meant what she told him about not wanting him, about wanting Tom Wheelor instead—that reluctance in her to let him get close to her.
And she was different now. She wasn’t the shy, introverted young woman he’d known six years ago. She was oddly reckless; high-spirited and uninhibited when she forgot herself. But he couldn’t bend. He couldn’t make himself bend enough to tell her what was in his heart, how much he still wanted her, because he didn’t dare trust her again. She’d hurt him too badly. He watched her go up the staircase, his eyes black and soft and full of hunger. He didn’t move until she was out of sight.
Chapter Four (#ulink_14209dec-5495-5d38-a64b-80d9dcb98c74)
Shelby had hoped beyond hope that Justin might still love her. That he might have married her not so much out of pity as out of love. But her wedding day had convinced her that what little emotion had been left in him after years of bitterness was all gone. He still blamed her for what he thought she’d done with Tom Wheelor, and he thought she was frigid.
She didn’t know how to deal with her own fears and his anger. Her marriage was going to be as empty as her life had been. There would be no black-headed little babies to nurse, no soft, sweet loving in the darkness, no shared delight in making a life together. There would be only separate bedrooms and separate lives and Justin’s hunger for vengeance.
The black depression that she’d taken to bed on her wedding night got worse. Justin tolerated her presence, but he was away more often than not. At meals, he spoke to her only when it was necessary, and he never touched her. He was like a polite host instead of a husband. And day by miserable day, Shelby began to feel a new recklessness. While Justin was away one weekend, she went on a white-water rafting race with Abby’s friend Misty Davies. She tried her hand at skydiving. She joined a fencing class. She went back to the old, more reckless days of her adolescence. Justin had never really known her, she thought sometimes. He seemed surprised by the things she enjoyed and a time or two he acted as if her lifestyle bothered him. Well, what had he expected her to do, she fumed, stay at home and arrange flowers? Perhaps that was the image he had of her, that she was a pretty socialite with beauty and no brains.
She’d kept working after the wedding, but Barry Holman insisted that she take a few days off. It wasn’t right, he said, for her to work through her honeymoon. She wanted to laugh at that, and tell him that her husband didn’t want a honeymoon. Justin had come home from his latest trip and had gone straight to the feedlot office with an abrupt and coolly polite greeting. After a few bored hours, Shelby phoned the office, just to see how things were going. She liked her job. She missed working terribly. It was something to do; it helped keep her mind off her marriage and her own inadequacies.
When she called, the poor temporary secretary, Tammy Lester, answered the phone, obviously half out of her mind trying to cope with an impatient, frustrated Barry Holman. So Shelby dressed in a cool white and red summery dress and white high heels and went to work.
The old sedan she drove broke down halfway there and she had to have it towed in to the dealer car lot where she had her mechanical work done.
Once Shelby was at the dealership, as fate would have it, she noticed Abby’s little sports car was there and up for sale. The sight of the car brought back memories. Shelby had driven one like it during six of the blackest months in her life, the time she’d spent in Switzerland after she’d given back Justin’s ring. She’d loved that car, but she’d wrecked it accidentally. The wreck hadn’t dampened her enthusiasm for fast cars, though. Now she wanted one—it appealed to the wild streak in her that had never totally disappeared. It wasn’t a suicidal streak; she just loved a challenge. She liked sports cars and the exhilaration of driving in the fast lane.
Justin didn’t know that Shelby had a wild streak, because he’d accepted the illusion of what she appeared to be rather than wondering what was beneath the surface. Well, he was in for a few shocks, she decided, starting now.
Because the dealer knew that Shelby had just married Justin, he didn’t even ask for a cosigner on the note. He sold her the car outright, with payments she could afford on her own salary.
She parked the vehicle right outside the office, delighting in its new paint job. Abby had had it painted red with white racing stripes just before she traded it for something more sedate. The new colors suited Shelby very well. She sighed over it, delighted that she could afford it and even manage the payments by herself. All her life she’d depended on her father’s money. There was something challenging and very satisfying about taking care of herself financially. She was sorry now that she’d panicked at being on her own and rushed into marrying Justin. She’d hoped for something more than a roof over her head, but that wasn’t going to happen. Justin was taking care of her, just as he’d taken care of Abby, and if he had any lingering desire for her, it didn’t show. After he’d accused her of being frigid, she’d kept out of his way altogether. If only she wasn’t so repressed, she could have told him what the problem was and how frightened she was of intimacy. But it was hopeless. Justin would probably be as embarrassed as she was to talk about it, anyway. So things would just have to rock along as they had been, until one of them broke the silence.
When she got to the office, Barry Holman was pacing the floor while the temporary secretary cried. They both turned as Shelby put her purse in the top drawer of the desk and smiled.
“Can I help?” she asked.
The woman at her desk cried even harder. “He yells,” she wailed, pointing at Barry Holman, who looked furiously angry from his blond head to his big feet.
“Only at incompetents!” he flashed back.
“Now, now,” Shelby soothed. “I’m here. I’ll take care of everything. Tammy, why don’t you make Mr. Holman a cup of coffee while I straighten out whatever’s fouled up, then I’ll show you how to update the files and you can keep busy with that. Okay?”
Tammy smiled, her soft brown eyes quiet. “Okay.”
She got up and Shelby sat down. Her dark brows lifted as Barry Holman glanced at her uncomfortably.
“It’s your vacation,” he said. “You shouldn’t be here.”
“Why not? Justin is working, why shouldn’t I?”
He frowned. “Well…”
“Tell me what needs to be done, and then I’ll show you my new car.” She grinned. “It was Abby’s, and they let me buy it without even a cosigner.”
“Naturally, considering your husband’s credit line,” he mused. She gave him a strange look, but he ignored it, delighting in his good fortune. “Here, this is what’s giving Tammy fits.”
He produced two scribbled pages of notes on a legal pad that he wanted transcribed and put into English instead of abbreviations and scrawls, and fifty copies run off with different salutations on each.
“Simple, isn’t it?” he said. He glared toward the back of the office. “She cried.”
Shelby wanted to. It was an hour’s work just to translate his handwriting. But she knew how to use the computer’s word-processing program, and Tammy had three simplified tutorials spread out on the desk, none of which would explain the program to a person who’d never used a computer.
“She asked me what these were for.” Barry Holman sighed, picking up one of the diskettes in its jacket. He looked up. “She thought they were negatives.”
Shelby had to bite her lower lip. “She’s never had any computer training,” she reminded him.
“That’s no excuse for not having a brain,” he returned hotly.
“Mr. Holman!” Tammy exclaimed, glaring at him as she came back with three cups of black coffee on a tray. “That was unkind and unfair.”
“Didn’t they tell you at the temporary-services agency that computer experience was necessary to do this job?” he grumbled.
“I have computer experience,” Tammy replied with hauteur. “I play games on my brother’s Atari all the time.”
Mr. Holman looked as if he wanted to cry. He ground his teeth together, went back into his office and closed the door.
“I guess I told him.” Tammy grinned wickedly.
There was a loud, feverish, furious, “Damn!” from the vicinity of Mr. Holman’s office. Shelby and Tammy exchanged amused glances.
“They didn’t tell me about the computer,” Tammy confided. “They asked if I had office skills, and I do. I type over a hundred words a minute and take dictation at ninety. But I don’t read Sanskrit,” she whispered, pointing at the scribbling on the legal sheets.
Shelby burst out laughing. It felt so good to laugh, and she thanked God for this job, which was going to save her sanity. She shook her head and, putting the books aside, she began to explain the computer’s operation to Tammy.
After work, she took the long route home. Mr. Holman had relaxed after lunch, and he was tolerating Tammy much better now. In fact, he hadn’t even growled when Shelby had mentioned that it might be economical to have two secretaries in the office because of the backlog of filing and updating the computer’s entries. He’d talked about taking on an associate, and if he hired Tammy full time, he could do it.
Shelby turned the small sports car onto the highway sharply, delighting in its rack-and-pinion steering and easy handling. She gunned it up and up and up, loving the speed, loving the freedom and the wind tearing through her long hair. She felt reckless. As she’d told Justin, she had nothing left to lose. She was going to enjoy her life from now on. Justin could just do his worst.
There was a slow car in front, and she didn’t even brake. She surged around it and barely got back into her lane as a white car sped in the opposite direction. She thought it looked familiar, but she didn’t look in the rearview mirror. It was going toward the feedlot. She passed the turnoff, increasing her speed. She wasn’t ready to go home to her cell just yet.
Calhoun was muttering a prayer as he pulled up in front of the feedlot. That was Abby’s old car, and it had been Shelby at the wheel. He’d barely recognized her in that split second, her face laughing with pleasure at the speed, her hair flying in the wind. She made Abby’s friend Misty Davies look like a safe driver by comparison.
Justin looked up from his desk as Calhoun came in and closed the door behind him. “It’s almost time to go home,” he remarked, glancing at his Rolex. “I didn’t think you were coming back today from Montana.”
Calhoun grinned. “I missed Abby. Speaking of Abby,” he added, perching himself lazily on the edge of his brother’s desk, “a wild woman driving her sports car just came within an inch of running me down.”
“Didn’t Abby sell it?” Justin remarked.
“She certainly did. I insisted.”
“I see.” Justin smiled faintly. He leaned back with his cigarette smoking in his lean fingers. “I gather that some other fool’s wife is driving it?”
“You could put it that way. She was doing eighty if she was doing a mile.” His dark eyes narrowed. “Are you sure you want Shelby to have it?”
There was a shocked silence. “What do you mean, do I want Shelby to have it?” Justin sat up abruptly. “Are you telling me Shelby was driving that sports car?”
“I’m afraid so,” Calhoun said quietly. “You didn’t know?”
Justin’s expression became grim. Shelby wasn’t happy and he knew it. Her most recent behavior was already worrying him, although he was careful to keep his misgivings from Shelby. But purchasing a sports car was going too far. He was going to have to talk to her. He’d avoided confrontations, letting her settle in, keeping his distance while he tried to cope with the anguish of having Shelby in his house when she backed away the minute he came into the room. But this was too much.
He couldn’t let her kill herself. He got up from the desk without even looking at Calhoun, plucked his hat off the hat rack and started for the door. “Was she going toward the house?” he asked curtly.
“The opposite direction,” Calhoun told him. His eyes narrowed. “Justin, what’s going on between the two of you?”
The older man looked at him, black eyes glittering. “My private life is none of your business.”
Calhoun folded his arms. “Abby says Shelby is running wild, and that you’re apparently doing nothing to stop her. Are you that hell-bent on revenge?”
“You make it sound as if she’s suicidal,” Justin said coldly. “She’s not.”
“If she was happy, she wouldn’t be like this,” the younger man persisted. “You’ve got to stop trying to live in the past. It’s time to forget what happened.”
“That’s damned easy for you to say.” Justin’s black eyes flashed. “She threw me over and slept with another man!”
Calhoun stared at him. “You don’t have my track record, but you’re no more a saint than I am, big brother. Suppose Shelby couldn’t accept the women in your past?”
“It’s different with men,” the older man said irritably.
“Is it?”
“She was mine. I was so damned careful never to put a foot wrong with her. I held back and gritted my teeth to keep from scaring her, and she flinched away from me every time I touched her. And all the while she was sleeping with that pasty-faced boy millionaire. How do you think I felt?” he blazed. “And then she told me that I was too poor to suit her expensive tastes, she wanted somebody rich.”
“She didn’t marry him, did she?” Calhoun returned. “She left for Europe and went wild, just as she’s going wild now. She was in a wreck in Switzerland, Justin. In a sports car,” he added, watching the horror grow in his brother’s eyes, “just like the one she’s driving now. She was grieving for you. Even her father realized that, at last.”
Justin fumbled a cigarette into his mouth and lit it. “Nobody ever told me that.”
“When would you ever listen to anything about her?” Calhoun replied. “It’s only in the past few months that you’ve calmed down enough to talk about anything connected with the Jacobses.”
“I wanted her,” Justin ground out. “You can’t imagine how I felt when she broke it off.”
“Yes, I can,” Calhoun replied. “I was there. I know what it was like for you. But you never even considered that Shelby might have had a reason. She tried to explain it once, to tell you why she broke off the engagement. You wouldn’t even listen.”
“What was there to listen to?” Justin asked impatiently. “She’d already told me the truth, in the beginning.”
“I never believed it,” Calhoun replied. “And neither would you have, if you hadn’t been in love for the first time in your life and so damned uncertain about your own ability to keep Shelby. You were always worried about losing her to another man. Even to me. Remember?”
It was hard to argue with the truth. Justin knew he’d been possessive about Shelby. Hell, he still was. But how could he help it? She was a beautiful woman, and he was a plain, unworldly man. He’d never been able to understand why Shelby had stayed with him as long as she had.
“Even now,” Calhoun continued quietly, “it seems to me that you’re trying your best to make her leave you.”
Justin smiled mockingly. “What do you expect me to do, tie her in the cellar?” he asked reasonably. “I can’t make her stay if she doesn’t want to. Hell—” he laughed coldly “—I can’t even touch her. She flinched away from me the one time I tried to make love to her,” he said bluntly, remembering. His eyes went blacker and he looked away. “I can’t get near her. She’s afraid of me that way.”
“How interesting,” Calhoun said, choosing his words, “that such an experienced woman of the world could be afraid of sex. Isn’t it?”
Justin frowned. “What do you mean?”
Calhoun didn’t answer him. He was smiling a little when he started out the door, but Justin couldn’t see the smile. “I’ve got to get home. See you, big brother.” And before Justin could reply, he was gone.
Justin took a minute to get his temper under control. He went out the door behind Calhoun without a word to his secretary, his eyes narrow with concern. Calhoun had delayed him too long. Suppose Shelby wrecked that little car?
He went up and down the road, but he didn’t see any sign of the sports car. Later, he went to the house, and almost went down on his knees with relief when he found it parked at the steps.
He had to force himself to behave normally when his hands were almost shaking from fear that he might find her in a ditch somewhere. He walked into the house, tossing his hat onto the hat rack, and went into the dining room, where Shelby was sitting in a chair halfway down the long cherry-wood table, talking to Maria about some new recipe.
She looked toward the doorway, but when she saw him, all the laughter and animation went out of her like a light that was suddenly turned off. She was wearing a red and white dress and her hair was down around her shoulders in a pretty, dark, waving tangle. The wind, he thought absently, tearing through her hair in the convertible.
“I’ve traded cars,” she said defiantly. “How do you like it? It was Abby’s. You don’t even have to cosign with me, I can make the payments from my salary.”
Justin glanced at Maria, who knew the look and made herself scarce. He sat down at the head of the table, lit a cigarette and leaned back in the chair to stare intently at Shelby. “The last thing in the world you need is a sports car. You already drive too damned fast.”
She searched his dark eyes, reading the thinly veiled concern. “Somebody saw me in the car this afternoon,” she guessed.
He nodded. “Calhoun.”
“I thought it was him.” She studied her hands in her lap, turning the thin gold band on her wedding finger. “I like speed,” she said hotly.
“I don’t like funerals,” he shot back. “I don’t intend having to go to yours. You’ll take that sports car back tomorrow or I’ll take it back for you.”
“It’s mine!” she cried. Her green eyes flashed angrily. “And I won’t take it back!”
He took a long draw from his cigarette. In his reclining position, his white silk shirt was drawn taut over tanned muscles. His chest was thick with hair that peeked out through the unfastened top buttons of his shirt. His jacket was off, his sleeves rolled up. He looked devastatingly masculine, from his disheveled black hair to his sensuous mouth.
“I’m not going to argue about it, honey,” he replied. Through a veil of smoke, his black eyes searched hers. “Calhoun told me you wrecked a car overseas.”
She flushed. “That was an accident.”
“You aren’t going to have any accidents here,” he said. “I won’t let you kill yourself.”
“For heaven’s sake, Justin, I’m not suicidal!” she protested. She lifted her coffee cup to her lips and took a fortifying sip of the black liquid.
“I didn’t say you were,” he agreed. He moved his ashtray on the tablecloth, watching it spin around. “But you need a firmer hand than you’ve been getting.”
“I’m not Abby,” she said. Her finely etched features grew hard as she looked at him. “I don’t need a guardian.”
He looked back, black eyes searching, quiet. “And while we’re on the subject, I don’t like you working for Barry Holman.”
She blinked. She felt suddenly as if control of her own life was being taken away from her. “Justin, I didn’t ask how you liked it,” she reminded him. “I told you before we married that I wanted to keep on working.”
“There’s more than enough to do around here,” he said. He tapped an ash into the ashtray. “You can manage the house.”
“Maria and Lopez do that very nicely, thank you,” she replied. She stiffened. “I don’t want to stay home and swirl around the house in silk lounge pajamas and throw parties, Justin, in case you wondered. I’ve had my fill of charity work and flower arranging and social warfare.”
He was looking at the cigarette, not at her. “I thought you might miss those things. In the old days, you never had to lift a finger.”
She studied her neat hands in her lap, pleating the thin silky fabric of the red and white dress. “My father saw me as a parlor decoration,” she said tautly. “He would have been outraged if I’d tried to change my image.”
He frowned slightly. “Were you afraid of him?”
“I was owned by him,” she replied. She sighed, raising her eyes to Justin’s. The curiosity there puzzled her, but at least they were talking for a change instead of arguing. “He wasn’t the easiest man to live with, and he had terrible ways of getting even when Ty and I disobeyed.”
“He kept you pretty close to home,” he recalled. “Although he trusted you with me.”
“Did he really?” she laughed hollowly. “Justin, you were the second man I ever dated and the first I ever went out with alone. You look shocked. Did you think my father let me live the life of a playgirl? He was terrified that some fortune hunter might seduce me. I lived like a recluse while he was alive.”
Justin wasn’t sure he understood what he was hearing. His head tilted a little and his eyes narrowed. “Would you like to run that by me again?” he asked. “You hadn’t been out with a man alone until you went with me?”
“That’s it,” she agreed. “I didn’t get out of my father’s sight until after I broke the engagement and went to Switzerland.” She smiled sadly. “I guess the freedom was too much, because I ran wild. The sports car was just an outlet, a way of celebrating. I never meant to wreck it.”
“How badly were you hurt?” he asked.
“I broke my leg and cracked two ribs,” she said. “They said I was lucky.”
He finished his cigarette and crushed it out. “I didn’t realize you were that sheltered,” he said quietly. He was only beginning to understand how innocent she’d been in those days. If she’d only dated one other man, then very likely her first taste of intimacy had been with him. He thought about that, and felt himself go taut. He’d expected her to have a little experience, even though he’d known she was virginal. But if she’d had none, it was easy to understand why his ardor would have frightened her so.
“I couldn’t talk about things like that with you,” she confessed. “I was young and hopelessly naive.”
He stared at her narrowly, his black eyes glittering. “I frightened you the night we got engaged, didn’t I?” he asked suddenly. “That was why you pulled back—not because I disgusted you.”
She caught her breath audibly. “You never disgusted me!” she burst out, hurting for him. “Oh, Justin, no! You didn’t think that?”
“We didn’t know very much about each other, Shelby,” he said, his voice deep and measured. “I suppose we both had false ideas. I saw you as a sophisticated, elegant society woman. And while I knew you were innocent, I thought you’d had some experience with men. If I’d had any idea of what you’ve just told me, I damned sure wouldn’t have been that demanding with you.”
She went red and averted her eyes. She couldn’t find the right words. Amazing, that they were married and she was twenty-seven years old, and this kind of talk could still embarrass her.
“I was afraid you couldn’t stop,” she murmured evasively.
He sighed heavily and lifted his coffee cup to his lips, draining it. “So was I,” he said unexpectedly. “It was touch and go for a few seconds, at that. I’d gone hungry for a long time.”
“I didn’t think men had to, these days,” she said softly. “I mean, society is so permissive and all.”
“Society may be permissive. I’m not,” he said flatly. His black eyes flashed at her. “I never was, in the way you mean. A gentleman doesn’t seduce virgins—or take advantage of women who don’t know the score. That leaves party girls.” He held the cup in his big, lean hands, smoothing over it with his thumb. “And just to be frank, honey, the type never appealed very much to me.”
Her soft eyes searched over his hard features, lingering on his chiseled mouth.
“I guess you never lacked offers, all the same,” she said, letting her gaze fall to her lap again.
“I’m rich.” There was cool cynicism in the words. “Sure, I get offers.” He studied her face calculatingly. “In fact, Shelby, I had one while I was in New Mexico last week, wedding ring and all.”
Her teeth clenched. She didn’t want him to see that it bothered her, but it was hard to hide. “Did you?”
He put the cup down. “You’re as possessive about me as I am about you,” he said then, surprising her gaze up to lock with his in a slow, electric exchange. “You don’t like the thought of other women making eyes at me, do you, Shelby?”
She crossed her legs. “No,” she said honestly.
He smiled mockingly as he lit another cigarette. “Well, if it’s any comfort, I froze her out. I won’t cheat on you, honey.”
“I never thought you would,” she replied. “Any more than I’d cheat on you.”
“That would be the eighth wonder of the world,” he remarked with deceptive softness, “considering your hang-ups. We’ve been married for almost two weeks, and you still look like a sacrificial lamb every time I come near you.”
She drew in a slow, steadying breath. “Yes, I know,” she said miserably. She smiled bitterly. “I’m aware of my own failings, Justin. I guess you won’t believe it, but you can’t possibly blame me any more than I blame myself for what I am.”
He scowled. He hadn’t meant to put her on the defensive. His pride was stung and he was striking out. But he didn’t want to hurt her anymore. He’d done enough of that already.
“I didn’t mean it like that,” he said on a weary breath. “It’s the way things happened, that’s all.” He looked his age for a minute, his expression bleak, his dark eyes haunted. “You savaged my pride, Shelby. It’s taken a long time to put it behind me. I guess I haven’t, just yet.”
“I didn’t get off scot-free, either,” she murmured. Her thin shoulders slumped. “I’ve had my share of grief over what I did.”
“Why?” he asked shortly.
She closed her eyes and winced. “I did it for your sake,” she whispered.
He let out an angry breath. “Well, that’s a new tack, at least.” He ground out the half-finished cigarette and got to his feet. “I’ve got some paperwork to do before Maria gets supper on the table.” He paused beside her chair, watching the way she stiffened as he got close to her. He reached down and caught a handful of her long hair, dragging her head back so that he could see her eyes. “Fear,” he ground out, searching them. “That’s all I ever see in your eyes when I come near you. Well, don’t sweat it, honey. You won’t be called on to make the supreme sacrifice. I’m not desperate!”
He let her go and moved past her with anger in every line of his powerful body, without another word or a backward glance.
Shelby felt the tears come and she didn’t stop them. He didn’t know why she was afraid, and she couldn’t tell him. He just assumed that she withdrew because she didn’t want him. Nothing was further from the truth. She did, desperately. But she wanted him controlled and gentle, and she remembered how it had been when he wasn’t.
She got up from the table and went up to her room to spend a few quiet minutes before they ate getting herself back together again. It was so hard to talk to him, to get around his growing impatience. Her rejection was doing terrible things to him, and even now she felt protective. She wanted to give him what he wanted, to erase those hard lines from his face. But she was so frightened of the demands he might make on her.
If only she could tell him. But her sheltered background made it too embarrassing to explain why she was the way she was. Until she could find a way to make him understand, it was going to put an even worse strain on their marriage.
Chapter Five (#ulink_424c3d49-47d3-5bf2-8207-938ecac72638)
If Shelby had hoped to find Justin less angry over dinner, she was doomed to disappointment. He sat at the head of the table like a stone man, barely speaking through the meal. She couldn’t talk to him. She didn’t know what to say.
Afterward, he went out the door without a word and Shelby felt a sense of utter desperation. If only she could go to him and put her arms around him, explain how she felt, why she was the way she was. But would he believe her, with their past?
Misery wrapped around her like a blanket. She got her purse and went out to her car. If Justin thought she was going to sit around by herself for what was left of the evening, he could just think again.
She started the sports car, revved the engine, backed out and roared away. The wonderful thing about the little car was the delicious feel of its controlled speed. She loved the straight road, the sense of freedom she felt with the wind in her long hair, the exhilaration of being alone with her thoughts.
Justin hated her, but that was nothing new. He always had. She’d hurt him and he was never going to forgive her. She didn’t know why she’d agreed to marry him; it was never going to work out. She’d been a fool to go through with it in the first place, so she had only herself to blame for her present misery.
She was so deep in thought that she didn’t notice the stop sign until she was on it, and the loud baritone of a truck’s horn made her blood freeze.
A huge transfer-trailer truck was barreling down the highway. Shelby’s little car wasn’t going to be fast enough to beat that mammoth vehicle across the intersection, and it was touch and go if she’d be able to stop at all.
With her heart in her throat, and the numb certainty of death stiffening her body, she hit the brake. The car went into a spin, the squeal of tires terrible in the later afternoon stillness, her face frozen with terror as she lost control and the sky went around and around and around…
The car spun into the deep ditch and leaned drunkenly sideways, but amazingly it didn’t turn over. Shelby sat, shaken but unhurt, nausea bitter in her throat and the world spinning around her. There was the sound of another car screeching to a halt. A door opened. There was the sound of running feet and then, suddenly, a man’s anguished shout.
“Shelby!” The man’s face was familiar, but somehow unfamiliar. It was hoarse and choked and blackly furious. “Answer me, damn it, are you all right?”
She felt her seat belt being forced away from her with hands that were lean and brown and shaking. She felt those same hands running over her body, searching for blood or broken bones, exquisitely gentle.
“Are you all right?” Justin asked huskily. “Do you hurt anywhere? For God’s sake, sweetheart, answer me!”
“I…I’m fine,” she whispered numbly. “The door…?”
“It won’t open, the frame’s sprung. Easy does it, now.” He carefully reached down to get her under the armpits and with formidable strength he lifted her clear of the car. When she was on the ground, swaying, he picked her up with exquisite tenderness and carried her up from the ditch. The truck driver had stopped down the road and was coming toward them, but Justin didn’t seem to see him. His expression was rigid with control, but he couldn’t stop his arms from trembling under her slender body.
That fact finally registered in Shelby’s dazed mind. She looked up then and saw his face, and her breath fluttered. He was flour-white, only his eyes alive and glittering blackly in that set, haunted face. He looked down at her, his arms convulsively dragging her against his chest.
“You little fool…!” he choked.
As long as she lived, she knew she’d never forget the horror she saw in his eyes. She reached up to hold him, her only thought to remove that look from his eyes.
“It’s all right, Justin,” she murmured softly. His reaction fascinated her. She’d never seen him shaken before. It made her feel protective, that tiny chink in his cool armor.
“I’m fine, Justin,” she whispered. Her eyes searched his, amazed at the vulnerability there. She touched his mouth, her soft fingers caressing as they slid up into his thick, dark hair. “Darling, I’m all right, really I am!” She pulled his mouth down and put hers softly against it, loving the way he let her kiss him, even if it was only out of shock—which, in fact, it was. For several seconds she savored the newness of it, then something stirred in her slender body, and her mouth pushed upward, hungry for a harder, deeper contact than this. It had been years since they’d kissed, since they’d really kissed. She moaned softly and he seemed to come out of his trance. His arm contracted, and his hard mouth opened hungrily against hers on a wild, shattered groan.
His mouth hurt as it dragged against hers while he muttered something violent and unintelligible against her soft lips. He pulled back with evident reluctance as the truck driver came running down the highway toward them.
“Is she all right?” the man asked, panting from the long run he’d had. “My God, I was sure I’d hit her…!”
“She’s all right,” Justin answered tersely. “But that damned car won’t be when I can lay my hands on my rifle.”
The truck driver sighed with pure relief. “Damn, lady, you can sure handle yourself,” he said with admiration. “If you’d lost your nerve and thrown up your hands, you’d be dead and I’d be a mental patient.”
“I’m sorry.” Shelby wept, her nerve broken from the combination of the near miss and the exquisite ardor of Justin’s hard mouth. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t even see you coming!”
The truck driver, a young man with red hair, just shook his head, barely able to get his breath. “Are you sure you’re all right?”
“I’m fine,” she said, forcing a trembling smile. “Thank you for stopping. It wasn’t your fault.”
“That wouldn’t have made me feel any better,” she was told. “Well, if you’re sure, I’ll be on my way.” He looked at Justin, and almost offered to help, but the glitter in those black eyes wasn’t encouraging.
“As my wife said, thanks for stopping,” Justin said.
The younger man nodded, smiled and walked away with patent relief, wondering why a woman that pretty would marry such a desperado. He was glad she wasn’t hurt. He wouldn’t have relished having to face that wild-eyed husband unarmed.
Justin didn’t say another word. He turned, carrying Shelby to the Thunderbird. He balanced her on his knee, opened the passenger door and put her inside very gently.
“What about my car?” she asked.
His black eyes met hers. “Damn your car,” he said huskily. He slammed the door and went around to get in under the wheel. But he didn’t start the car. He sat with his hands, white-knuckled, gripping the steering wheel for a long moment while Shelby waited for the explosion that she knew was about to come. Justin had been badly shaken and somebody was going to pay for it. Now that he was sure she was all right, she could imagine that he was loading both verbal barrels.
“Go ahead, give me hell,” she said tearfully, searching in the glove compartment for a tissue. “I was driving too fast, and I wasn’t watching. I deserve every lecture I get.” She blew her nose. “How did you get here so fast?”
He still didn’t speak. After a minute, he sat back in the bucket seat and fumbled a cigarette out of his pocket. He lit it with still-trembling hands, staring straight ahead.
“I followed you,” he said curtly. “When I heard you gun the car out of the driveway, I was afraid you might try to take out your temper on the highway, so I tagged along.” His head turned and his black eyes flashed at her. “My God, I paid for sins I haven’t even committed when I saw you spin out.”
She could imagine how it had been for him, having to watch. Even though he didn’t love her, it would have been terrible.
“I’m sorry,” she said inadequately, folding her arms across her breasts shakily.
His chest rose and fell with a huge, angry breath. “Are you, really?” he said. He was back in control now, and the cool smile on his face infuriated her. “Well, you can say goodbye to that damned sports car. Tomorrow, I’ll go downtown with you and steer you toward something safe.”
“What did you have in mind, a Sherman tank?” she asked with ice in her tone.
“A bicycle, if you keep this up,” he corrected angrily. “I told you once before, Shelby, your reckless days are over.”
“You’re not going to order me around!” she shot at him through trembling lips and clenched teeth. “I’m not your ward!”
“No,” he agreed with a mocking smile. “You’re my wife, aren’t you? My saintly, untouched wife who can bear anyone’s hands except mine.”
It was too much. She burst into tears again, turning her face to the window, burying her eyes in the soggy tissue.
“Don’t,” he groaned. “For God’s sake, stop it. I can’t stand tears!”
“Then don’t look, damn you,” she whispered, stomping her foot.
He swore roughly, digging into his pocket for his freshly laundered linen handkerchief. He thrust it into her trembling hands, feeling as if someone had kicked him.
“You’ll make yourself sick. Stop it. You’re all right. A miss is as good as a mile, isn’t it?” he asked, his voice softer now, deeper. He touched her hair hesitantly. It was all coming back into focus, little by little. He frowned, because now he remembered something that panic had knocked out of his mind. She’d touched his face and whispered something, and she’d put her mouth against his to comfort him. What had she said…?
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