Читать онлайн книгу «The Cowboy′s Reunited Family» автора Brenda Minton

The Cowboy's Reunited Family
Brenda Minton
A WIFE’S HOMECOMINGBlake Cooper thought he’d never see his daughter again. Then former wife Jana Cooper shows up on his doorstep with Lindsay asking for help. Blake can’t deny his ill child anything. But he’s struggling to sort out his feelings for the woman who abandoned him ten years ago. Jana’s back in Oklahoma for Lindsay’s sake, and a second chance with her first love. Somehow she must prove she’s no longer a confused young wife, but a woman willing to do anything to reunite her family forever.Cooper Creek: Home is where the heart is for this Oklahoma family


A Wife’s Homecoming
Blake Cooper thought he’d never see his daughter again. Then his former wife, Jana Cooper, shows up on his doorstep with Lindsey asking for help. Blake can’t deny his ill child anything. But he’s struggling to sort out his feelings for the woman who abandoned him ten years ago. Jana’s back in Oklahoma for Lindsey’s sake, and a second chance with her first love. Somehow she must prove she’s no longer a confused young wife, but a woman willing to do anything to reunite her family forever.
Cooper Creek: Home is where the heart is for this Oklahoma family
“What are you doing here?”
“I’m here because I made a mistake, and it’s time to right that wrong.” Jana’s eyes shimmered with unshed tears.
“Where’s my daughter? Where’s Lindsey?”
She bit down on her bottom lip, and the tears started to fall.
“Jana, tell me where she is.” The longer Jana stood there, the more worry settled in Blake’s gut. None of this felt right.
“Lindsey’s sick.” The words tumbled out quickly as she took another step toward him. “We need you.”
The words hit him hard. He didn’t know what to say.
He took off his hat and brushed a hand through his hair. Blake returned to what she’d just said. They needed him.
“Blake, please.” Her words were soft, pleading. His daughter was sick.
“Where is she?”
“Don’t take her from me.”
“Of all the…” He saw tears rolling down her cheeks. Real tears. He knew she was hurting. That didn’t undo the way his insides were tied up in knots. “You took her from me.”
BRENDA MINTON
started creating stories to entertain herself during hour-long rides on the school bus. In high school she wrote romance novels to entertain her friends. The dream grew and so did her aspirations to become an author. She started with notebooks, handwritten manuscripts and characters who refused to go away until their stories were told. Eventually she put away the pen and paper and got down to business with the computer. The journey took a few years, with some encouragement and rejection along the way—as well as a lot of stubbornness on her part. In 2006 her dream to write for Love Inspired Books came true. Brenda lives in the rural Ozarks with her husband, three kids and an abundance of cats and dogs. She enjoys a chaotic life that she wouldn’t trade for anything—except, on occasion, a beach house in Texas. You can stop by and visit at her website, www.brendaminton.net (http://www.brendaminton.net).
The Cowboy’s Reunited Family
Brenda Minton


www.millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk)
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.
—2 Corinthians 12:9
To my lovely reader Tanja Cook Sedabres
for her help in answering questions.
Many blessings to you and your family.
And to my editor, Melissa Endlich.
I’m blessed to have you!
Contents
Chapter One (#uc59dd2db-c564-5bed-b970-94144e5948a1)
Chapter Two (#uffda3a27-3000-5f22-9ce8-fa13fb351d0c)
Chapter Three (#u764a89f4-40c3-5eb8-a655-d64a4c382dc3)
Chapter Four (#u4d575e90-e0f9-55d9-b9b0-e597b3c56374)
Chapter Five (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Six (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Seven (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Eight (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Nine (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Ten (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Eleven (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Twelve (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Thirteen (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Fourteen (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Fifteen (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Sixteen (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Seventeen (#litres_trial_promo)
Epilogue (#litres_trial_promo)
Dear Reader (#litres_trial_promo)
Questions for Discussion (#litres_trial_promo)
Excerpt (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter One
The big gray bull, part Brahman and part Angus, ran from the trailer. He stopped in the middle of the corral, snorted and shook his mammoth-sized head at Blake Cooper and his brother Jackson.
“He’s mean.” Jackson propped one booted foot on the bottom rail of the corral and leaned his arms on the top rail. “I’m not sure about him.”
“He’s at a level that most bulls aren’t. As for mean, Jackson, there are no guarantees for a guy willing to get on the back of a one-ton animal,” Blake offered, eyeing the bull that he’d talked his brothers into buying. He didn’t usually get involved in this side of the business, but there were times a guy made exceptions.
He was the family lawyer and practiced law in the neighboring town of Grove. But he was a Cooper, and being a Cooper meant ranching was in his blood.
“I know there aren’t,” Jackson agreed. “I just try to stay away from the bulls that are pure mean.”
Blake nodded because he couldn’t have agreed more. They were in the business of raising bucking bulls, and both of them had been around long enough to know what a mean bull could do to a guy.
A car came up the driveway, swirling dust that would settle if they got more than a drop of rain. It was dry for May. Too dry.
“Someone you know?” Jackson stepped down from the fence to watch the car that pulled in next to Blake’s truck.
“Doesn’t look familiar.” Blake adjusted his cowboy hat to block the sun and get a better look. “New York plates. Must be a rental car. Did you say someone was coming to look at that mare we bought from Wyatt Johnson?”
“Not until next week.”
“Maybe just lost?” Blake offered, then he started toward the barn. He needed to take care of a few things, then head to his place.
Behind him, Jackson whistled low. “Blake, I think you might want to take a deep breath.”
“Why?” Blake looked back to see what would cause him to need a deep breath. He would tell Jackson later that a deep breath wouldn’t have done him a bit of good. He wasn’t even sure his heart knew how to keep beating. The woman, petite, blonde and rightfully hesitant, walked toward them. She didn’t smile. Blake didn’t feel much like smiling, either.
“Blake, I...” She shook her head and shrugged.
Jackson’s hand settled on Blake’s shoulder. “Don’t go crazy.”
“I’m not going crazy.” He shifted his hat and glanced away from the woman standing there looking up at him with a million questions in her blue eyes. For a long moment he looked away, letting his gaze settle on the field, on cattle grazing, on all of the things he knew and he could handle.
“We need to talk.” Her words were shaky and spoken with the softest English accent, the same accent that used to slay him.
“Talk? I don’t know, Jana, maybe we needed to talk ten, almost eleven years ago.” Blake looked at her, trying hard not to see her as the woman he’d loved, that he’d married. He needed to see her as the woman who had left him and taken their daughter with her. “What are you doing here?”
He needed to focus, to get his thoughts under control. It wasn’t an easy thing to do. She was still beautiful. That was the last thing he wanted to think about her, not the first. Next to him, Jackson cleared his throat a little. Blake drew in a deep breath and focused on his ex-wife.
She shifted from one sandaled foot to the other, forcing him to stare at her pink toenails. He didn’t want to notice anything about her. He didn’t want to notice that she still looked a lot like the girl he’d met years ago in college. He didn’t want to notice that her eyes were still as blue as the Oklahoma sky in March.
He wanted nothing from her but the daughter she’d left the country with all those years ago. He glanced past Jana, at the car she’d driven up in. He didn’t see any sign of Lindsey. If he focused on his daughter, maybe he wouldn’t get tangled up in Jana.
At that moment, Jana’s gaze connected with his, pushing him off balance like an emotional avalanche.
“I’m here because I made a mistake, and it’s time to right that wrong.” Her eyes shimmered with unshed tears.
“Where’s my daughter? Where’s Lindsey?”
Jana bit down on her bottom lip, and the tears started to fall.
“Jana, tell me where she is.” The longer Jana stood there, the more worry settled in his gut. None of this felt right.
“Blake, take a step back.” Jackson edged close to him. “Give her a minute.”
“I’ve given her ten and a half years of my daughter’s life. Years I didn’t have.”
“Lindsey’s sick.” The words tumbled out quickly as she took another step toward him. “We need you.”
The words hit him hard. He didn’t know what to say, but he knew he needed a minute to process. He looked down at the hand that rested on his arm, the look in her eyes pleading for his mercy. He’d loved her. He remembered back to the woman he’d thought he’d spend his life with. She’d been a college student from England spending a year in America. He’d fallen in love with her soft gestures, her sweet innocence and the accent.
He took off his hat and brushed a hand through his hair. She was watching him, waiting. Jackson stood nearby. Blake returned to what she’d just said. They needed him.
“Blake, please.” Her words were soft. His daughter was sick.
“Where is she?”
“Don’t take her from me.”
“Of all the...” He had to walk away. When he turned, she was still standing where he left her, tears rolling down her cheeks. Real tears. He knew that. He knew she was hurting. That didn’t undo the way his insides were tied up in knots. “You took her from me.”
“I know,” she whispered, her gaze lifting to meet his.
Every emotion he’d felt in the past ten years rushed through his mind. The woman he’d promised to love “until death do us part” was standing in front of him. It was hard to look at her and not think about the past. She’d gotten tired of country life. She’d left him and taken their two-year-old daughter away from him, hiding her in Europe and then in Africa. He knew this because he’d been on her trail for several years. Yet she’d always managed to disappear just before he caught up with her.
The only thing she’d left him was a note telling him she couldn’t be a Cooper anymore, and she didn’t think he’d understand. Almost four years into their marriage, she should have known him better than that. He would have understood.
“Does any of this matter right now?” Jackson asked, jumping into the conversation, the voice of reason. “Jana, where’s Lindsey?”
“Tulsa.” Jana brushed the hair back from her face as she stood facing him, a lot braver than he would have been, Blake thought. “I brought her to Tulsa. She’s in a hospital there. Blake, she needs a kidney transplant.”
Blake was already pulling his keys from his pocket. He nodded toward the rental car. “You can park here. You’ll ride with me.”
“I can drive myself.”
Blake laughed a little. “I don’t think so, Jana.”
“I’m not going to leave.”
“I’m afraid I can’t take your word on that. I seem to remember telling you that I had to make that meeting in Oklahoma City but we’d work things out when I got back. Problem was, I got back and you were gone.”
Jackson interfered again. Blake needed to tell his younger brother that he could do without the kid gloves and worried looks. “Let me call Madeline and tell her what’s going on. I’ll drive the two of you to Tulsa.”
“I can drive.” Blake reached for Jana. She walked next to him, looking down, not up. He relaxed his hold on her arm.
“Let me go with you.” Jackson stayed close.
“We’ll take this.” Blake opened the passenger door of the rental car for Jana. “Get in.”
Jana got in. She looked up at him, her big blue eyes swimming in tears. “Blake, I’m sorry.”
“I know.” He closed the car door and turned to face Jackson. “Let the family know what’s going on. I’ll call you when I know more.”
Jackson’s mouth stayed in a firm line, unsmiling. “Blake, let me go with you.”
“Not this time, little brother.”
“Don’t hurt her,” Jackson warned.
“Hurt her? You mean like the way she ripped my heart out? Don’t worry. I’m not going to hurt her. I’m going to get my daughter back and then I’ll be done with Jana Parker.”
“Blake, remember that the real issue at hand is your daughter. You’re not thinking straight, and you’ve got a daughter who obviously needs you both.”
Blake leaned back against the compact car Jana had rented. The reality of the moment hit him head-on, taking the air from his lungs as he tried to process that his daughter was back, but she was sick.
All of the years he’d dreamed about getting her back, he’d never imagined this scenario. He’d had it in his mind that they would reunite. She was always healthy, and Jana was never in the picture.
“Thanks.” He managed a smile for his brother, then he walked around to get behind the wheel of the car. Next to Jana. He gave her a quick look and then jammed the key in the ignition, because looking at Jana did crazy things to him. After all these years he’d thought he’d only feel a serious dose of anger. But he was wrong.
* * *
Jana didn’t know what to say to Blake. He got in the car, sliding the seat back to make room for his longer legs. She blinked away the tears that continued to fall. Tears that had been falling for weeks now. He had no idea how much it hurt, to watch her daughter suffer and to know there was nothing she could do.
That wasn’t fair, though. He’d had his own share of suffering. And she was the reason why. Her actions had cost them all. It was time for making amends, for seeking his forgiveness.
She’d finally gotten it, this faith thing that was so important to the Coopers. She hadn’t understood it when she’d been married to Blake. She hadn’t seen the need for the Sundays spent at church and then together at Cooper Creek.
Now she knew what faith meant. She knew what it meant to face the past and seek forgiveness. But she couldn’t tell Blake, because no doubt he would accuse her of using faith to manipulate him, to get what she wanted. She couldn’t blame him for thinking the worst of her.
“What happened?” Blake’s deep, husky voice broke the silence.
She glanced at him, at the strong profile she’d fallen in love with all those years ago. The first time she’d laid eyes on him, he’d looked like a model for a Western wear catalog. He’d been about to get in his truck, all cowboy from his hat to his boots. She’d been trying to start her car and couldn’t. He’d come to her rescue. She’d never known a man like him, a man who wore masculinity the way some men wore cologne. It had been natural to him, to be strong.
“Jana?” He glanced her way, his mouth in a tight line.
“I’m sorry. I was thinking.”
“Maybe you could tell me about Lindsey?”
“Her kidneys started to fail. The doctors call it Chronic Kidney Disease caused by a birth defect in her kidneys. She was weak, tired all of the time.”
“Why wouldn’t we have known that years ago?”
“Because she was young. Her kidneys managed while she was small. As she got older, her kidneys had to work harder and they couldn’t keep up.”
“What’s the prognosis?”
“With a transplant, good. There will be challenges, of course.”
“Okay, we’ll get her a kidney.”
Jana shook her head at his belief that it would be so simple. He didn’t get it. They were here because she’d been on a donor list. They tried hospitals in Europe. They’d been fighting this battle for a while.
“Blake, it isn’t that easy.”
He clenched and unclenched the steering wheel, and she knew he was working through his anger. And his concern for their daughter.
“Is she on a list, and is she in a hospital that can do this type of surgery?”
“She is on a list, and this hospital has been doing kidney transplants for a decade. But the best donor is a living donor. A parent or a close relative is best.”
“So we’ll find a donor.”
She nodded because she hoped they would. And she hoped his confidence would rub off on her.
“How is she right now?” he asked after they’d been driving awhile.
“She’s getting stronger. Since we got here they’ve put her on dialysis to get her body healthier in preparation for the transplant.”
“I need to know what you’re thinking.” He briefly looked her way and then refocused on the road.
“I guess my first thought is that we need to get our daughter better.”
He let out a deep sigh. “I won’t let you leave with her, Jana. I can’t do that again.”
“I know.” She shuddered at the coldness in his tone. He had every right to be angry. She’d known when she boarded that plane back to the U.S. that she would face his anger. She had known that returning could mean any number of things. But for Lindsey, she’d been willing to risk it.
“I want to know my daughter.” He took off his hat and tossed it in the backseat of the car and brushed a hand through his dark hair, now touched with silver at the temples. “Jana, do you realize that something could have happened and I wouldn’t have seen her again.”
She heard the break in his voice. “I know, Blake. I’m here because I know she needs you. I know I’ve hurt you all, and I’ll do whatever it takes to make that right. But please...”
“Please what?”
“Don’t take her from me. I know you could probably have me arrested.”
“I never pressed charges, Jana. It’s hard to go that route when there wasn’t a custody hearing. And I also didn’t want the fear of being arrested to keep you from coming back with her.”
“But you have the ability to take her.”
“I don’t want to discuss that right now.”
She nodded in agreement, her heart slowly returning to normal. For now she could relax. She knew Blake, knew that they would handle one problem at a time. And the most important thing was their daughter’s health.
“Thank you.”
“Does she have any idea that she has family here?”
“Yes. I told her she has family in Oklahoma who can help us.”
“Did you ever tell her that she has a dad who loves her? That she has a family who misses her?”
“Not until recently.” She brushed a hand across her eyes. “I think she knew. She would question me sometimes, like she had some memories of being here.”
“I don’t even know what to say to you right now.” Blake ground out the words. Jana shivered and hugged herself tight, wishing that she could take back every last moment of the ten years they’d been apart. She wished she could undo what she’d done to all of them.
Eventually she would explain to him what had happened to her. Now wasn’t the time. The car zoomed along the highway. Jana looked out at passing fields, searching for the right words to make this situation better.
“I hope someday you’ll forgive me, Blake. And I hope Lindsey will forgive me.” She sighed and allowed herself to look at him.
“I can forgive you, Jana. I’ve had a lot of years to work on forgiveness. I can’t say that I’ll ever trust you again. And I definitely won’t let you leave the country with her.”
“Understood.”
“I’ll have her passport frozen.”
“I know. Blake, I’m here. I know it will take you time to trust me, but I’m not leaving with her. If we can help her...” She covered her face with her hands as the tears unleashed again. “If...”
“Not if.” His tone softened and she felt a handkerchief being pushed into her hand. “We’ll get her through this.”
“I’m praying you’re right.”
“Oh, you pray now? I guess...” He stopped, sighed. “I think we’ll both have to do a lot of praying.”
“I want you to know her, Blake. I want to stay here so that you can build a relationship with her.” Life, she realized, was precious. Her daughter deserved a relationship with Blake. With all of the Coopers.
“So, after nearly eleven years, I’ll get weekends and maybe a couple of weeks in the summer?”
“Can you give me a chance?” She wiped at her eyes with the handkerchief. “Don’t expect me to know every step we’ll take from here. I want you to have a relationship with Lindsey. It’s important. Life is too fragile to go on like this.”
“You can stay in the guesthouse at the main ranch.”
“Thank you,” she whispered. “And just give her time. She doesn’t know you. And before you say anything, I know that’s my fault. But please, give her time to know you, to know your family.”
They drove on in silence. Soon they were driving through the crowded, rush hour streets of Tulsa, headed toward the hospital.
“Does she know that you came to get me?” Blake asked as they parked.
“No. I didn’t know what to tell her.”
“You need to think of something. ‘Surprise, here’s your dad’ isn’t going to work.”
“I know. She does know we’re here because her family is in this area. She knows she’s going to see you.”
They got out and headed across the hospital parking lot, side by side, not touching. Even though his hand didn’t reach for hers, Jana felt stronger just having him with her. She’d been alone in this battle for over a year. Having Blake at her side meant someone to lean on, even if she couldn’t reach out to him.
He would help make decisions. He would be the strong voice she couldn’t always be. And maybe, just maybe, they would be friends someday.
Together they walked through the doors of the hospital, leaving behind the heat of an early Oklahoma evening. The cool, antiseptic world of the hospital greeted them. A lady at the desk smiled and asked if they needed anything.
Blake looked at Jana. “I’m assuming you know where we’re going.”
“Of course.”
He followed her to the elevator. They stepped inside. Jana pushed the button and looked at Blake. She could see the pulse in his neck. As frightened as she was, she knew he had to be reeling right about then. She knew he’d searched for them. She knew he loved, had always loved, Lindsey. It had been her own selfish fears that had caused her to flee with their daughter.
She had to make it up to him, and to Lindsey. Regret welled up inside her and without thinking she reached for his hand. She held it tight as she looked up at him.
“I am sorry.”
He nodded. The doors opened. Jana led him through the corridor and to the locked door of the children’s ward. Clowns and balloons were painted in bright colors, making it look like a happy, fun place and not a place where sick children fought to get well.
“I can’t believe this.” His voice broke.
“I know.”
“She was just a baby, Jana.”
She pushed the intercom and told the nurse on the other end her name. The door buzzed and Blake pushed it open. Jana remembered the only other time they’d gone to a hospital together. She’d been in labor. He’d been so excited. They’d been crazy in love.
They walked to the room at the end of the hall. The door to the room was closed. Their daughter was inside, waiting for Jana to return, and not knowing that Blake would be with her. Jana reached for Blake’s hand. He didn’t resist. She laced her fingers through his.
“Blake, she’s small. She’s frail.”
He exhaled and then nodded. She reached for the door and his hand slipped from hers. As she pushed the door open, he removed his hat. He was strong again. He didn’t need her to prepare him or to lend him strength.
They walked through the door into the darkened room, slivers of sunlight filtered through the blinds. The television played on mute. Lindsey—dark haired, pale and tiny—opened her eyes and turned her head to smile at her mother.
Jana watched as Lindsey’s eyes widened. Her mouth opened as she stared first at Jana and then at Blake. Jana’s heart broke all over again as she soaked in the reality of what she’d done to her daughter. All those years ago she’d been scared and selfish; she’d made a decision without thinking about the people whose lives would be affected by her choices.
Blake walked toward the bed. “Lindsey.”
Their daughter watched him, her lips trembling but forming a smile.
“I remember riding a horse with you.” Lindsey whispered the words, then without hesitation Blake was at her side, gathering her carefully into his arms.
Jana stood a short distance away and watched as the strongest man she’d ever known held their daughter and cried. She had hurt him, and she knew that not being able to heal their daughter would hurt him all over again. Because that was Blake. He was a man who fixed things.
She knew that about him. Even after years of running around the world, she had known that Lindsey’s greatest chance of survival would happen here, in Oklahoma, with Blake Cooper. For Lindsey’s sake, Jana could face Blake’s wrath. She could face what being near Blake would do to her heart.
Chapter Two
Blake held his daughter’s frail body gently. She’d been a toddler the last time he’d seen her. He still remembered that day. He’d looked back at her as he walked down the steps of their house, heading for a meeting in Oklahoma City. She’d stood at the door and waved a pudgy little hand, grinning, a bite of cookie in her mouth and chocolate on her chin.
“I missed you so much, ladybug.” He whispered the nickname against her dark hair.
“I think I missed you, too.” She spoke with a soft accent. He remembered her voice. She’d had a Southern drawl, even on words like cookie. Now it was more English and unfamiliar to his ears.
Behind them, Jana sobbed. Blake didn’t turn to look at her. He couldn’t.
“We’re going to get you better,” he promised, as he settled Lindsey back in her bed, pulled the blanket up to her chin and then kissed the top of her head.
“I know.” Her voice sounded thin, weak.
“I mean it.”
She smiled up at him. “I know that I’ll be okay.”
Blake’s throat tightened at the look of confidence and assurance his twelve-year-old daughter gave him. She wanted him to believe she’d be okay. He would make sure she was.
He settled in the chair next to the bed, reaching for her hand. Jana took the seat on the other side, close to the window. She watched them together. Blake tried to ignore her presence. He couldn’t. Somehow their gazes connected. More like clashed. She smiled a little and he nodded, trying not to be touched by that smile, by the regret he saw in her expression.
It was ironic, really. He wanted her to be sorry, to feel guilty. And yet he didn’t want to believe that she meant it. He wasn’t ready to think good things about her. He definitely didn’t want to still be attracted to her. Leftover emotions were bubbling up inside him as he remembered how much in love he’d been with her.
Lindsey moved, drawing his attention back to the bed. She looked up at him, her face thin, her skin sallow in the dim light of the room. She didn’t smile but her hand tightened on his. “Why didn’t you come see me?”
After years of searching for her, he didn’t know how to answer that question. Did he tell his daughter that her mother had kept her from him? As angry as he was, he couldn’t do that. He wouldn’t do that. Jana would have to tell Lindsey the truth. It wouldn’t be easy for any of them. But he wasn’t going to be the one to turn daughter against mother.
“I think we’ll talk about that later.” He eased out the words, knowing it didn’t make sense and Lindsey would question him. “Why don’t you rest?”
She nodded and her eyes drifted closed. “You’re not leaving?”
“They couldn’t drag me away.”
Her eyes opened again. “I’d like to ride a horse when I’m better. Mom says there are a lot of horses in Oklahoma.”
“Yes, there are.”
She squeezed his hand once and then her grip loosened and she slept. Blake looked up as Jana moved to sit on the empty bed behind his chair, closer to him. Too close.
“Have you told the doctors that she has family here?”
“Yes.” Jana scooted onto the bed, sitting with her feet dangling, her hands clasped in her lap. “They’ll have to test you to see if you’re a match. Blake, it won’t be easy.”
“I know that.”
“You might not be a match.”
He nodded and looked at his daughter again. He had to be a match. “If I’m not, there are plenty of us. We’ll find someone.”
“What if there isn’t one? Or what if one of your family is a match but they don’t...”
He cut her off, raising a hand to stop the storm of words.
“Jana, someone will.” He pulled his phone out of his pocket. “You do what you need to do. Tell the doctors. Arrange the testing. And we’ll take care of the rest.”
He got up and headed for the door. Jana followed him. Once they were in the hall, he realized she was about to lose it. She had probably been as strong as one person can be on her own. Now she looked like any strength she’d been holding on to was about to give out.
What could he do about that?
“I can’t undo what I did.” She leaned back against the wall and pinched the bridge of her nose with her fingers. Soft blond hair framed her face.
“No, you can’t.” What an understatement that was. She’d robbed him. She’d robbed Lindsey. Come to think of it, she’d robbed his entire family. Lindsey’s family.
Jana’s shoulders started to shake. Her body sagged against the wall and her knees buckled. He grabbed her, holding her close as she sobbed into his shoulder. She still fit perfectly, and he didn’t want that. He didn’t want to remember how it had been when they were young. He didn’t want her scent or her touch to be familiar.
It all came back to him. He pushed it away by remembering coming home to an empty house and a note.
He held her until her sobs became quieter, her body ceased shaking. He held her and tried hard not to think about the years he’d spent searching, wishing things could have been different for them, wishing she’d come back.
Before long, those years of wanting her back had been replaced by even more years of anger, of resentment, of not caring if he ever saw her again. All the while he never stopped wanting his daughter back.
“Mrs. Cooper?”
“She’ll be fine,” he assured the woman in the white lab coat walking toward them, her gaze lingering on Jana. “I’m Blake Cooper, Lindsey’s father.”
“Mr. Cooper, I’m Bonnie Palmer. I’m the nurse practitioner handling your daughter’s transplant.”
“I’m the dad who hopes he’s a match. Can an adult give a kidney to a child?”
“Yes, we’ve had great success with adult to child transplants.”
He realized he was still holding Jana, his hands stroking her hair, comforting her. His hands dropped to his sides and she stepped back, visibly trying to regain her composure. She managed a weak smile.
“Where do we start?” she asked, her voice shaking.
“If the two of you could join me in the conference room, we’ll discuss what needs to happen next for your daughter. And I’m glad you’re here, Mr. Cooper. The sooner we can get this done, the better things will be for Lindsey.”
Blake swallowed the painful lump that tightened in his throat. “Let’s get started, then.”
Jana looked up at him, her eyes still misty. “I’m sorry for falling apart.”
“It’s understandable.” He shrugged it off, but not as easily as he would have liked. He looked from Jana to the nurse. “I don’t want Lindsey left alone. I don’t want her to wake up and think I’m gone.”
The nurse indicated a room down the hall. “You go ahead, and I’ll see if we can find an aide to sit with your daughter.”
Together Blake and Jana walked down the hall. He motioned her ahead of him into the conference room that was really just a room with more bad furniture that he barely fit in and a lamp to soften the fluorescent overhead lights.
The door opened and Nurse Palmer entered the room with a compassionate smile but cautious looks as she glanced from Blake to Jana. For thirty minutes she discussed what had to happen, and what were the best- and worst-case scenarios for Lindsey. Blake listened, trying to come to terms with the young woman in that hospital bed and the little girl she’d been the last time he’d seen her. All of those lost years. He glanced at Jana and she looked away.
“What happens if no one in my family is a match?” he asked the nurse.
“We’ll continue dialysis and keep looking for a kidney. We’ll continue to monitor her blood, her heart and her blood pressure. We’re going to do everything in our power to get her well.”
“And if we find a kidney?”
“If she’s fortunate, she won’t reject the kidney, and both she and the kidney stay healthy. Later in life she’ll more than likely need another transplant. If she gets a kidney from a living donor we hope for twenty years.”
Twenty years. She’d be thirty-two. Blake shook his head as the reality of his daughter’s future hit. No matter what, she’d have a lifetime of medication and medical care. “So what do we do first?”
Nurse Palmer stood, clipboard in hand. “We can start testing you, Mr. Cooper. If necessary we’ll test the rest of your family. If they’re willing.”
“They’ll be willing. But let’s just go with the assumption that I’m the donor. When would we do this surgery? How soon?”
The nurse smiled. “Let’s take things one step at a time.”
“It seems to me that time isn’t something we have a lot of.”
“Mr. Cooper, believe me, I appreciate the urgency of this situation.”
“Okay, what’s the first step?”
“We start with paperwork, of course. And then we’ll do blood tests. We want to make sure you have blood types that match. The last thing we want is for her body to reject your kidney.”
“I’m her dad—why wouldn’t they match?”
“Mr. Cooper, being her dad isn’t in question. Your blood type, the antigens in your blood and her body accepting your kidney—those are the issues we’re looking at here. And we also want to make sure you’re in good health and that you have two very healthy kidneys.”
“Okay, let’s go.”
“Yes, let’s.” Nurse Palmer paused at the door. “Mr. Cooper, you have to understand this is a lengthy evaluation. It isn’t going to happen in an hour. And it isn’t going to happen today. We want a complete physical, blood tests, and we’ll also have you talk to a counselor.”
Great. They’d soon find out he resented the woman sitting across the room from him. He hoped that wouldn’t undo everything.
“I understand.” He reached for the hat he’d dropped on the end table. “But the way I see it, the sooner we get started, the better.”
Jana followed them into the hall. “I’m going to stay with Lindsey.”
Blake gave her a strong look and pushed back a truckload of suspicion. She wasn’t going anywhere with Lindsey. Not now. He knew that, and he’d fight through the doubts about Jana and her motives. He’d do what he had to do to make sure Lindsey got the care she needed.
He’d deal with his ex-wife later.
* * *
Jana watched Lindsey sleep. The nurse’s aide had left when she got back, only to return with a tray holding two plates. The meal was some type of chicken stir-fry. Jana tried to eat but couldn’t. Eventually Lindsey would wake up, and when she did, she’d have questions. Jana would need to have the answers. Real answers, not the ones she’d given her for years.
As she had done for the past few months, Jana prayed. She’d learned to pray, learned to trust God. She knew that Blake doubted her. Sometimes she doubted herself. But she didn’t doubt God or the faith that she’d learned to rely on when she first discovered that Lindsey’s kidneys were failing.
She had termed it “end of the rope” faith. She’d been dangling at the end of hers, and God had reached out to save her, even though she’d always doubted His existence.
“You took me away from here?” Her daughter’s soft voice broke into Jana’s thoughts.
She looked at her daughter, at the hazel eyes that were so similar to Blake’s. Those eyes were full of accusations.
“I did.”
“Why?”
Jana couldn’t look away from her child. She also couldn’t avoid the answer that would make her look like the most selfish person in the world. But hopefully someday Lindsey would see her mother as someone who’d made a mistake and then tried to make things right.
For now she would tell Lindsey the basics, not the whole story, a story that included not realizing how depressed she was during those dark days before she left Dawson and for months afterward.
“I was lost, Lindsey. I loved your dad, but I didn’t know how to be the wife of a Cooper. I didn’t know how to live so far away from London. I thought if I tried to leave him, he would take you away from me. I know that what I did was wrong, but at the time I wasn’t thinking clearly.”
“You knew he was looking for me. That’s why we moved so often.”
“Yes.” The word cut deep, to the very depths of her soul. Jana reached to brush dark hair back from Lindsey’s face. “I am sorry. I’m going to make it up to you.”
“I’ll never leave with you again. You can’t make me.”
“I won’t try. We’ll stay here so you can be near your dad.”
“I want to live where he lives.”
“Okay.” Jana choked on the word, because she knew that her daughter meant living with Blake and not with her.
“Where is he?” Lindsey looked around the room. “Is he gone?”
“No, he’s being tested to see if he can be your donor.”
Lindsey reached for the cup on the table. Jana picked it up, held it to her lips. Lindsey took a long drink and then pulled away.
“Do I have other family here?”
Jana nodded. “Yes.”
“Tell me about them.”
“You have grandparents. Tim and Angie. I think Tim’s mother, Granny Myrna, is still alive. And then there are about a dozen kids, your dad’s brothers and sisters.”
“A dozen?” Lindsey’s eyes widened.
“Yes. The Coopers had several children, then adopted more. It’s a very big family. They have a large ranch with horses and cattle.”
Lindsey closed her eyes, a faint smile appearing on her lips. “I always thought I remembered my dad and the horse.”
Lindsey opened her eyes again and her smile faded. “I’m mad that you kept me away from them.”
“I know.”
“Mothers make mistakes, sometimes.” The woman’s voice at the door startled Jana. She turned to face the visitors and then she stood as Angie Cooper entered the room. “You brought her back to us, Jana. That took courage.”
Jana didn’t know what to say. Behind Angie, Tim Cooper filled the doorway. Older, but every bit the man she remembered. He entered the room, frowning and then looked past her, his gaze locking on the face of his granddaughter, and he smiled.
“Lindsey, these are your grandparents.” Jana stepped back out of the way. “Tim and Angie Cooper.”
“You can just call us Nan and Granddad.” Angie leaned over her granddaughter. “You are just as beautiful as I remember.”
“I was little.” Lindsey bit down on her bottom lip, staring up at the grandparents she’d been denied. Regret, Jana had so much of it.
“I’ll be in the hall.” Jana smiled at her daughter. “I won’t go far.”
Angie reached for Jana’s hand as she started to walk away.
“Thank you for bringing her back.”
Jana nodded and walked out the door. Her heart ached as she headed down the hall. She was fighting to save her daughter’s life, but now she worried she would have to fight to keep her daughter’s love, too. The Coopers were powerful, and even though they were kind, she knew they would band together to keep Lindsey close. And she knew, even though they would forgive, that they wouldn’t welcome her back into their lives.
The doors of the hospital chapel were open. She stepped inside the quiet room with the wood pews and soft lighting, and for a few minutes she found peace. She kneeled at the altar, soaking up the presence of God, because she knew that only with His help would she get through the coming days.
She prayed for Lindsey. She prayed for healing. She prayed for forgiveness. Then she left the quiet sanctuary, not sure where to go but knowing she needed time alone, and Lindsey needed her grandparents.
“Mrs. Cooper, your husband is on the second floor if you want to join him,” a nurse told Jana.
“I’m...” Jana paused, not knowing how to tell the nurse that Blake wasn’t her husband. “Thank you.”
She walked to the elevator. She hadn’t planned on going to the second floor, but she did. After stepping off the elevator, she headed down a brightly lit hall. She saw Blake buttoning up his shirt as he walked out a double door. He was on the phone, telling someone he would see them soon and he would make it up to them. She didn’t want to think about who he was talking to, but she couldn’t help but imagine. It was a woman, someone he was involved with. Of course he had moved on. It had been ten years. She hadn’t expected him to be alone forever.
He looked up, frowning when he saw her, then ended the conversation.
“How’s it going?” she asked him.
“I’m finished with paperwork and officially checked in to the hospital, I think. They’re going to run tests on my kidneys, heart and lungs.” He shrugged. “They’ve already taken blood.”
“Blake, I’m so sorry that you have to go through this. I’m sorry that we’re pulling you away from your life this way.”
“Why would you say that? Jana, I’d move heaven and earth to make sure Lindsey gets the help she needs.”
She knew he would. He had probably moved heaven and earth trying to find them. Everything inside her ached when she thought about Blake’s no doubt frantic search for his daughter. Not for his wife, though. He’d probably be happy if she dropped off the face of the earth.
Eventually she would have to tell him about the darkness, the depression, that had swept over her during those last months of their marriage. She would have to tell him how long it had taken her to climb out of that pit, and what it had taken to get her life back. But not now. He wasn’t ready to hear that now.
“I know you would do anything for her, Blake. Thank you, for coming with me today.”
“Stop thanking me. It makes me feel like a stranger who happened into your life. I’m not a stranger. I’m her dad.” He pushed the button on the elevator. “I need a cup of coffee. Want to join me?”
“A cup of coffee would be nice.”
As they rode the elevator down to the first floor, neither of them spoke. They were strangers, really. Jana didn’t know about his life. He didn’t know much about hers. They shared a daughter. That was it.
No, that was wrong. They weren’t strangers. They’d been married. He’d wooed her, and she’d fallen in love. She hadn’t exactly fallen out of love. She’d left him because she’d been young. She’d missed her home, people who sounded the way she sounded. She’d gotten homesick. Desperately homesick. And she’d grown terribly sad and hadn’t been able to overcome it.
Now, almost eleven years later, they were back to being strangers. She didn’t know the man he’d become. He didn’t know her. She wondered if they’d ever really known each other. “I’m hoping that we’ll know by morning if I’m a match,” he offered as they walked through the doors of the cafeteria.
“That would be good.” She followed him to the coffee machine.
He filled a cup and handed it to her and then reached for another cup. “Jana, we’ll have to come up with a plan for sharing our daughter.”
“She wants to stay with you,” Jana admitted as she stirred sugar in her coffee. “She’s angry with me.”
“She won’t always be angry,” he said as he pulled out money to pay for the coffee. He smiled at the cashier, took his change and nodded toward a booth in the corner.
Jana waited until they were seated before she answered. “Won’t she, Blake? Because I think she will. I think if I was her, I’d resent me. I’d want nothing to do with me.”
“She’s young. She’s been through a lot.”
“She’s been through a lot because of me. So have you. I’m really kind of surprised that you would sit here and have coffee with me.”
He was quiet for a long time, looking into the cup of black coffee, his brows knit together in thought. Finally he looked up. “Yeah, well, I’m a little surprised myself. I’m angry. I don’t know if I’ll ever trust you. But I do know that we have a daughter who needs us both. For her sake, I’ll work through this and we’ll find a way to be friends, to at least form a truce, because she needs that from us. She needs for us to be adults and pave the way for her to be happy.”
“You’re right.”
“Am I? Because I’m talking about you staying here. The last time I saw you, you weren’t too excited about living in Dawson. I still live there, Jana. And this is where Lindsey will live. This time I’ll make sure you can’t get her out of the country.”
Her heart hammered hard against her ribs. “I’m prepared to do what I have to do in order to keep Lindsey safe and happy.”
“You’re prepared to live in the town you disliked so intensely you thought it would be a good idea to take our daughter and leave just a note on the table?”
She met his accusing gaze head-on.
“I’m not twenty-four anymore. I’m thirty-five. We’ve both gotten older and wiser. I’ve learned to deal with life better now.”
If she told him more, he would understand, but she couldn’t. Not now. Whatever she said would sound like an excuse, like a plea for sympathy. She couldn’t tell him, not yet. No matter what he thought of her.
“Why didn’t you come back?” Blake asked her.
“Because I didn’t know what would happen. I was afraid you’d take Lindsey. I was afraid you’d have the police waiting for me.”
“I wouldn’t have done either.”
“Are you sure?” She smiled a little, imagining what lengths he would have gone to in order to get Lindsey back.
“Okay, maybe,” he admitted. “Maybe not.”
He finished his coffee and pushed back from the table. “We should get back upstairs to Lindsey before I have to finish the tests.”
The comment took Jana by surprise. She’d expected him to want more answers, more information. Instead he seemed to be done with her and with explanations.
She would survive his anger. At least she wanted to believe she would. But her heart wasn’t absolutely sure it could survive another round of Blake Cooper in her life.
Chapter Three
“Mr. Cooper, you’re a match.”
Those would go down in history as the best words Blake had ever heard. He’d nearly cried when Nurse Palmer, their transplant coordinator, had given them the news.
Now, just twenty-four hours after Jana had showed up at Cooper Creek, he and Lindsey were scheduled for the surgery that would give her a second chance.
And give him a second chance to know his daughter.
Blake relaxed in the hospital bed next to Lindsey’s. She glanced at him, shaking her head and then laughing. He shot her a look, trying to quell her mirth. Or make her laugh harder.
“What’s so funny?” he finally asked.
She snickered again and the sound filled his heart. It had been empty a long time, he realized. In the years since Jana left with Lindsey, he’d survived but he hadn’t lived. He’d worked. He’d somehow made it to family functions. It hadn’t been easy, watching his brother Lucky’s family growing, watching his other siblings marry and start families.
Just in the past few months he’d finally realized he had to do something with his time. That’s when he’d met Teddy. He couldn’t wait for Lindsey to meet the little boy that he’d started mentoring through their church program, which matched kids with adults.
He smiled at his daughter again and she laughed once more.
“You look great in that hospital gown,” she teased. “And the cap on your head is perfect.”
“They could make these things a little more decent.” He made a face at her. “Or give me a pair of scrubs.”
“Then you’d run around the hospital and act like a doctor. You’d try to do surgery or something.”
“I think running will be out of the question for the next few weeks.” The idea of slowing down didn’t bother him a bit, not with Lindsey here.
It struck him again that they were having conversations, the kind he’d seen Jackson have with his daughter, Jade, and Lucky with Sabrina. The last time he’d seen his daughter they’d been limited to conversations about cookies, puppies and going potty. Her laugh then had been babyish. Now she had a preteen giggle, and he was pretty sure she thought the young, male orderly was cute.
He would have to learn this business of being a dad to a teenager, to a girl who looked at boys. He’d have to restrain himself from hurting those boys.
“Where’d your mom go?” he asked after a few minutes of silence.
“Down to the cafeteria. She didn’t want to eat in front of us.”
Jana had disappeared while he’d been out of the room for more tests. It was easier to breathe with her gone. It gave him time to reconnect with his daughter, to learn who she was.
“Did you like living in all of those different countries?” he asked.
“Not all of them. Holland was my favorite. We stayed with a friend of mom’s. A lady who was a flight attendant.”
“Did you learn other languages?”
She nodded. “I speak German and Spanish.”
“Do you have pictures, of yourself, I mean.”
“On my computer. Mom can show you.”
The door opened. Lindsey stopped talking. Her smile was hesitant. Blake glanced toward the door, expecting Jana. Instead it was his sister, Mia. She took in the situation. He held back a grin as she surveyed the room, his daughter and then him.
Mia bypassed him for Lindsey, her smile growing. “My goodness, you’ve gotten big. I’m your aunt, Mia.”
“Nan showed me pictures.” Lindsey offered her own smile. “You were a cop.”
“DEA agent,” Mia corrected. And then she smiled again. “Kind of the same. Are you ready to get this surgery over so you can come home?”
Lindsey nodded, but Blake noticed the look of hesitation. She didn’t know what to expect from the group of people that had suddenly become her family. He had told her about the house she’d lived in years ago, about the land, the horses. She had few memories, obviously. The main one being him holding her on the horse.
“It’s kind of scary to have this big family, huh?” Mia offered when Lindsey didn’t answer. “Don’t worry, it will get easier. I know from experience. I was eight years old when I became a Cooper.”
“Seriously?” Lindsey perked up, intrigued by Mia’s story. Mia had a way of doing that. Blake watched his sister lean in to share with his daughter.
“Yeah, for real. It was hard to get used to all of those Coopers. Sometimes I forgot to talk to people and tell them how I felt. So promise me you won’t do that.”
“I’ll try to remember.”
“Good girl. I’m always around to talk to. And your dad is always going to be there.”
Yeah, that was the sister he knew and loved. Sometimes she withdrew when she had a problem, but she knew how to connect when she really needed to. She focused her attention on him, smiling big as she looked him over.
“What?”
She laughed a little. “Blue teddy bear gowns are definitely your style.”
Lindsey laughed in response to his sister’s comment. He glanced past Mia at his daughter. “Don’t follow her example.”
“Oh, you love me.” Mia moved to stand next to his bed. “Do you know when they’ll do the surgery?”
“They’re waiting for results from one last test.”
“Gotcha.” She patted his arm, her new maternal side showing. She was a stepmother now to her husband, Slade’s, little boy, Caleb. “Is there anything I can do before I leave?”
“Could you get that computer over on the table? Lindsey has pictures to show me.”
“Got it.” Mia grabbed the laptop and Lindsey fired it up. He watched as his daughter and sister looked over the pictures. Mia commented on a few of the photographs and then she picked up the computer and brought it to him.
“Thanks.”
She smiled and shrugged it off. “Don’t mention it.”
Blake hit the slide show option and watched as his daughter’s life flashed across the computer screen. All ages, all locations. But she always looked happy. She hadn’t known what she was missing. The missing had been done by him. Mia glanced at Lindsey, then back at him. “She’s asleep.”
“She needs to rest.”
“She’s beautiful, Blake. And we aren’t going to let her go again.”
“Don’t.”
“Don’t what? Be a good aunt? Care about you?”
“Don’t be the family law enforcement officer.”
Mia leaned close to his ear. “I’m being the person in this family with the common sense to know that Jana Parker Cooper can’t be trusted. She came back for a reason. And when she gets what she wants, she’ll leave. Someone has to be aware of that.”
Blake lowered his voice. “Mia, I purposely never pursued charges because I don’t want her to run.”
“She can’t run.”
“What does that mean?”
Mia stepped back from him, a happy smile on her face. “Someone has to take care of you.”
“I’m pretty good at taking care of myself. I’ve been doing it for a while. And I do things the right way, the legal way. Lawyer, remember.”
“I try to forget that. It makes me itchy to think of you being a lawyer. You seem so normal and nice.” Mia turned back to Lindsey. “That was a short nap.”
Lindsey nodded. “I just get tired easily.”
“So, what do the two of you do for fun when you’re tied to hospital beds? I spent a lot of time listening to music when was in the hospital.” Mia pulled an MP3 player out of her pocket and handed it to Lindsey. “All charged up and ready to go.”
“Mia, if that—” Blake started, but his sister shook her finger at him. He didn’t want to think about the fact that Mia had obviously just given his daughter something rigged with a tracking device. He closed his eyes and waited.
“That’s great, Aunt Mia.” Lindsey sounded as happy as any preteen.
The door opened. Blake waited, listening to hesitant steps. Jana entered the room cautiously, glancing from Mia to Lindsey and back to Mia. “Hello, Mia.”
“Jana.”
“It’s good to see you.”
Mia smiled at Jana. “I brought Lindsey some music. I know from experience that hospital beds can be boring.”
That triggered Lindsey’s curiosity. “Were you in the hospital?”
“Yes, I got shot.” She pointed to her right arm. She was still struggling to regain strength. The doctors had told her it wouldn’t happen, but Mia didn’t like to be told no.
“Wow, cool. I mean, bad that you got shot, but...” Lindsey obviously loved Mia. And so did Blake, when his sister wasn’t in everyone’s business playing detective.
“I really love you, Lindsey Cooper.” Mia kissed Lindsey’s cheek. “Jana, I’m glad you came back.”
“Me, too, Mia.”
Mia stopped in front of Jana, her jaw set at that determined angle she had. “I hope so.”
His sister didn’t realize it, but in her protectiveness, she’d pushed him to a place where he had to be the one to defend Jana, or to at least be on her side. He didn’t want her to have any reason, any excuse to walk away.
* * *
Jana watched as Mia left, the door closing quietly behind her, and then she looked at Blake. “Well, it was nice to see Mia again.”
“I don’t think she likes you.” Lindsey spoke, but her tone was distant, unconcerned. Jana looked at her daughter, who already was listening to music, a happy smile on her face.
“Thanks, I hadn’t noticed.” Jana sat down on the chair between their beds. For the most part the Coopers had been kind. Not exactly friendly, but kind. Angie had been the most welcoming, of course. Tim barely spoke. Jackson seemed to be on her side. Lucky seemed to tolerate her. Gage was busy with his new wife and didn’t have much to say. Sophie spoke to her, and Heather had been willing to be a donor but hadn’t wanted a cup of coffee Jana offered.
“Mia is always suspicious,” Blake offered, his voice quiet but unaffected. “Law enforcement training, I guess.”
“I’m not going to run, Blake. I know that I can’t. And I don’t want to.”
“I’m counting on that, Jana.” He glanced at his daughter. She seemed to be listening to music, but he saw her eyes flash with awareness in their direction. “Let’s let it go for now.”
Voices in the hallway drifted to their room. A moment later Nurse Palmer stepped into the room, a big smile on her face. Dr. Carver, the head of the transplant team, was with her.
“It’s a go.” Dr. Carver smiled at Lindsey and then at Blake. “You haven’t been starved for no reason. We’ve scheduled the surgery for this evening.”
Blake nodded and then shot his gaze to Lindsey. “You ready for this, ladybug?”
Jana’s heart squeezed at the tone he used with their daughter. She blinked back tears as the moment hit her.
All of the months of worrying were about to end. She drew in a breath, but then she realized it wasn’t true. The worry wouldn’t end. There could be complications, rejection of the donor organ, infection. She knew every possible outcome. She’d talked to so many doctors. She’d worried so much.
A hand reached for hers, Blake’s hand, bigger and stronger than hers. She looked down at the man in the hospital bed, the picture of health, of rugged masculinity. He smiled up at her, a smile that still turned her world inside out. Even after all of the years apart, it still happened.
“Don’t worry,” he said without a bit of hesitation. “I’ve got this.”
She nodded but didn’t trust her voice to answer. Nurse Palmer touched her shoulder, standing close to her.
“Jana, the emotions are going to hit now. I know this has been a long and difficult journey. I know there are still concerns and you don’t know how you should feel. Take a deep breath and be relieved. There will be plenty of time later to worry more—” Nurse Palmer smiled “—but there will also be great times ahead for you and your family. Blake is a perfect match. He’s a little older than we like—” she grinned at him “—but he has two healthy kidneys, and one of them will save your daughter. That doesn’t mean there can’t be complications, but it really does make things so much better for Lindsey.”
Jana nodded again. Blake’s hand on hers was warm and strong, sending his strength to her. “I’m good.”
“We need to get these two prepped for surgery. We’re going to move them in a few minutes. A nurse will take you to the O.R. waiting room. A social worker will give you updates.”
Jana closed her eyes as her body began to tremble. It was all too real. The moment was upon them, and suddenly she couldn’t be strong anymore. But she had to be.
“Jana, hug Lindsey. We need to go make a kidney swap.” Blake’s voice was light, casual. She opened her eyes and managed to smile, not cry.
“Thank you.” She leaned, and still holding his hand, she kissed his cheek. “Thank you.”
He reached up, cupping her cheek with his hand, forcing her to look him in those hazel eyes of his. “This is going to work. Don’t lose faith now.”
“I won’t.”
Slowly she released his hand and turned to Lindsey. The MP3 player was on the tray and Lindsey’s eyes were huge, worried. Jana found her strength again. Right now she had to be Lindsey’s rock.
“You’re going to be healthy again, Lindsey.” Jana hugged her daughter close. “You’re going to be able to do all the things you love.”
“Ride a horse?”
Jana laughed at that, “Let’s take one thing at a time.”
“Mom, I’m not afraid.” Lindsey’s smile grew. “I’m ready.”
Jana nodded. Lindsey had found faith before Jana, and she’d led her mom to God. Now she said the words with a different meaning. She was ready for whatever happened.
“I’m going to be there when you wake up,” she promised.
“I know.” Lindsey cleared her throat. “I know I said things. I was mad. I’m still mad. But I love you, Mom.”
“Oh, Lindsey, thank you.” She hugged her daughter again, holding her tight.
“Time for us to go.” Nurse Palmer put a hand on Jana’s back. Jana turned and suddenly the room filled with staff that hadn’t been there seconds ago.
“Okay. I need to tell Blake’s family.” Jana swallowed hard. Through the surgery they would have each other.
She tried not to think about being alone. She’d done this to herself. Tears clouded her vision as she glanced back at Lindsey and then at Blake.
Be strong. Be strong.
“Jana, we’ll get through this.” Blake spoke as she reached for the door. She wished she could say something, but her throat tightened and tears clouded her vision. She nodded and walked out.
We. The word stuck in her mind as she headed down the hall. She knew he meant that he and Lindsey would get through the surgery. But she needed to be a part of that we. She needed it, at least for today. For the next week. For the next year. She needed to be included in his life, in the strength that was Blake Cooper.
And once Lindsey had recovered, then Jana could be strong on her own again.
Chapter Four
Nine days after the surgery, Blake and Lindsey went home, to Dawson. The car pulled up the driveway to his house with Jana driving and Lindsey in the backseat. His family had said their goodbyes at the hospital, knowing the three of them needed to do this together, without an audience. They were going home, but they weren’t a family. He didn’t entertain any ideas that they would ever be a family again. But it meant something, to have Lindsey coming back to this house. Home again.
It meant something that Jana had brought her back, even if it had only been to get their daughter the medical help she needed. The reasons didn’t matter to Blake, just that his daughter was back.
On the other hand, Blake wondered if Jana regretted that Lindsey’s health had brought her back to a town and a way of life that she had never wanted.
The car stopped. Blake glanced back at his daughter. She looked a little dazed, a little lost. “We’re home.”
“Yes.” Her one-word response came out in a whisper.
“Are you worried?” His hand paused on the door handle.
“No, not really. It’s just strange to be here and to think that this is where I’ll get to stay, that I won’t have to move.”
“You won’t have to move.” Blake looked from Lindsey to Jana. His ex-wife blanched a little at his tone. “Let’s get out and see if things are still in one piece. Leaving Jackson and Travis in charge is never a good idea.”
Blake pushed the door open and stepped slowly out of the sedan he’d talked Jana into driving. His car. His home. She hadn’t liked the idea of giving up her rental car and using his car. Why should that bother her?
Jana and Lindsey would be living in his house, and he was moving into the apartment over the garage at Cooper Creek. That apartment would feel good after living in a hotel next to the hospital for the past week. He also planned on driving his truck now that he was home. A man could only be taxied around so much before it got under his skin.
His gaze caught and held Jana’s as she stood looking at the house before opening the door for their daughter. He’d been gone a little over a week. She’d been gone over ten years. Nevertheless, they’d managed to forge something that felt like friendship. Or maybe it was just a truce. Everything he did at this point was for Lindsey’s sake.
Jana opened the door so their daughter could get out of the car. He watched, waiting for her reaction.
It was a big moment, her first day back in the house she’d lived in as a toddler. He kept an eye on her face as he circled the car to help her. She glanced at him, then at the log-sided ranch house. Her eyes watered a little and she wavered. He reached for her hand. Jana stepped back, giving them space.
Blake spoke first. “You’re home.”
Lindsey nodded. She looked from him to her mother. “I don’t remember it.”
“You were a baby,” he said.
“I was almost three.”
He laughed. “Right, you should have had a car and maybe a place of your own by then.”
“You know what I mean.” She walked next to him, leaning close to his side. “I mean, I should remember. I remembered you. I wanted to remember this house.”
He didn’t know what else to say. He glanced back at Jana. She was pulling suitcases out of the trunk of the car and he guessed fighting tears. He saw her hand swipe at her cheek and he wondered, was she crying over the past or because she was stuck here?
He chided himself for being unfair. At some point he knew they’d work out a relationship that suited their new lives, as divorced parents sharing a child.
They reached the front porch. “Can you make it?”
Lindsey nodded but her grip on his arm tightened. He worried about her, probably more than he should. The doctors had declared the transplant a success. She already looked healthier, stronger than when he first saw her in the hospital.
Before they could climb the steps a loud bark split the air. Blake’s border collie, Sam, came running around the corner of the house. The dog ran straight at them. Blake shielded Lindsey’s body, but she was trying to get past him, making it hard to keep her safe from the dog that definitely wanted to jump on her.
Instead, Sam slid to a stop and sat down, his tongue lolling out of his open mouth. His black-and-white fur was coated in burrs. He’d obviously been in the field chasing something.
“Is this our dog?” Lindsey reached past him to pet the dog.
“Yes, this is Sam.”
“Did you have him when I was little?”
“No, we had another dog. He was old.” Blake couldn’t help thinking about that dog, Bobby, and how he’d followed Lindsey everywhere. Jana had always been worried about germs and dirt. But Lindsey had loved him. Bobby, a blue heeler, had loved her, and if she walked a little too far away from the house he’d herd her back to them.
She’d had a dog, a cat and a pony, and she would have had cousins to play with.
As anger pushed its way in, he took a deep breath. Lindsey was petting Sam, and Jana was dragging suitcases up to the front porch that ran the length of the house.
“Let me help you.” He gave the dog a warning glance before stepping away. Jana relinquished one of the suitcases.
“You’re not supposed to carry anything heavy,” she warned as she dragged the largest suitcase to the front door.
Blake took the handle from her. “Open the door, Jana. I think I can manage to drag a suitcase in the house.”
She shook her head but she opened the door. She wouldn’t look at him, but her hand brushed at her cheeks again. He followed her inside. It felt good to be home. The floor-to-ceiling windows in the living room let in the early-afternoon light. The house smelled clean. It looked as if he’d just been here. But he knew that the only ones who’d been here were his brothers, feeding animals and checking on the place while Blake stayed in Tulsa with Lindsey. And Jana.
He’d been released from the hospital a few short days after the surgery. Lindsey had been kept longer, to make sure there were no signs of rejection.
Jana had walked away from him. He leaned the suitcases against the wall and followed. She was standing in the dining room looking out the window, appearing to really enjoy the view of the Oklahoma fields.
“Jana?”
She shook her head but she couldn’t face him. Her hand came up again, swiping at her cheek. She sniffled. He let out a long sigh, because he wasn’t sure if he was ready to pretend the past ten years hadn’t happened.
There had been times in the past couple of weeks that it had felt right, having Jana and Lindsey back in his life. Talking, sharing moments, and he’d thought that maybe they could go back to the way things were.
Then he’d look at his daughter, now almost thirteen, and he would think about all of the lost years.
From the front porch he heard Lindsey’s laughter, the dog’s high-pitched bark. Jana was leaning against the window, hugging herself tight as her shoulders shook.
His heart gave in a little. “She’s going to be fine.”
“I know she is. But—” she shrugged “—I did this to her. I took her away from here, from her family.”
“She’s happy, Jana. I guess you can’t miss out on something you’ve never known.”
She turned to face him, wiping away the last traces of tears as the front door banged shut and Lindsey called out, asking where they’d gone to.
“I hope you’re right, because I don’t want to lose her.” Jana stepped past him, smiling at their daughter. “I think you should probably take a nap.”
Lindsey’s gaze flew to Blake. “I just got here. I’m not tired.”
“You’ve had a long day.”
“But I want to see the horses and the stables. Nan said I could come over when I got back.”
“Right, and you will do all of that, Lindsey. But not today. Today you rest.” Jana’s voice was strong again.
“What do you think, Blake?”
Blake didn’t know how to step in, what role to fill. For years he’d been a single man searching for his family. How did he suddenly become the father? After years of parenting alone, would Jana let him take that place? How did a man step in as a father after years of being absent from his daughter’s life?
His daughter looked his way, wanting him to be on her side.
“Lindsey, I think you should listen to your mom. As a matter of fact, I’ll probably head home for a nap myself.” He heard himself say the words with the strong, fatherly voice he’d learned from his own dad. He knew how the job was done, even if he was years out of practice.
“Home?” Lindsey looked from him to her mother. “Isn’t this your home?”
Both Jana and Lindsey looked at him with questions in their eyes.
“It is my home, but for the time being, it’s where you and your mom will stay. I’m staying at the ranch with my parents.”
“Why aren’t you staying here?”
“Because,” he said, wondering if that was a good enough answer. He’d heard parents say it. Because I said so. Lindsey didn’t look like a kid who would accept things just because he said so.
“Because...?” Lindsey looked determined, her chin raised a notch.
Jana smiled at him now, humor flickering in her blue eyes. Yeah, of course she was amused. He almost smiled back. And smiling was the last thing he wanted to do when it came to Jana.
“Because your mom and I aren’t married, Lindsey.” He saw the surprise on Jana’s face. Had it never occurred to her that he would file for divorce?
“But you were. And this is your house.”
“Yes, this is my house. It’s a complicated situation, so for now we’ll just deal with it one day at a time.”
Lindsey walked away, back to the living room. She looked around the big open room and eventually settled in a chair by the window. He would give her anything. But he couldn’t give her two parents who were going to live together. He wanted her to have what he’d had growing up—two parents, a big family.
“Lindsey, you have to understand.” Jana sat on the sofa close to the chair where her daughter sat curled up.
“I do understand.” Lindsey didn’t cry but her voice wobbled. “I understand that I don’t have a family. I understand that you might decide in the next few weeks that we’re not staying here, either. Because we never get to stay anywhere. I’m tired of leaving places, and friends. Most of all, I don’t want to lose my dad again.”
Blake’s thoughts exactly. He brushed a hand through his hair and sank into the leather recliner that he hadn’t spent enough time sitting in. Come to think of it, he rarely spent time in this house. There were too many memories here. Memories of a marriage that had once been amazing, and then quickly over. All in a matter of a few years. He had memories of waving goodbye to his daughter, then of coming home to nothing.
He didn’t blame Lindsey for her anger, for her mistrust. His gaze settled on Jana. She’d bitten down on her bottom lip and pain settled in her eyes.
“We’re not leaving.” Jana’s voice was tight but determined. “I’m not going to do that to you again.”
“But you didn’t like it here before.” Lindsey said the words he’d been thinking.
He remembered Jana telling him in the weeks before she left that she felt suffocated in Dawson, suffocated by his family and by church.
No matter how he felt about Jana, he could deal with it. He had dealt with it for years. He’d managed to work past his anger. Now his job was to help his daughter feel secure.
“Your mom won’t leave, Lindsey.” He sat forward. “She loves you and she won’t leave. We have to trust her.”
He had to trust her. For Lindsey’s sake. Because if Lindsey saw him trusting, she would trust.
Lindsey looked from him to her mom. She had the MP3 player Mia had given her and she was fiddling with the cords. “Mom, I just don’t want to leave. Not now, not ever.”
“I know, and neither do I,” Jana leaned to hug her daughter. “I promise.”
Lindsey nodded, her eyes looking droopy, even to an inexperienced dad. He smiled at her, and she gave him a sleepy smile in return. But he could see in her expression that she believed her mom.
“I’m going to make coffee. Do you want a cup?” Jana offered as she stood in the center of the room looking adrift, not knowing what to do next.
“I’m not drinking a lot of coffee these days.”
“Right, sorry.” She turned to their daughter and Blake watched her face go soft. Lindsey was already asleep. Jana pulled a blanket off the back of the chair and covered their daughter. “I won’t leave, Blake.”
He nodded, because for Lindsey’s sake he would make an effort to trust. But the difference between now and ten years ago was if she left, she wouldn’t be able to take his daughter. She’d have to go alone.
* * *
“I’ll get your water. Do you need anything else?” Jana stood in the center of the living room. The furniture was new and Blake had replaced the area rugs. He’d never liked the area rugs she picked. He’d told her then that they didn’t match this home.
The rugs, like Jana, had been out of place here in the country. The one thing that both she and Blake had loved were the windows that soared twenty feet, giving them an amazing view of the countryside.
It was no longer her home. The little touches that had been hers were gone. The only thing that hadn’t changed was their daughter’s bedroom, with the twin bed covered in a quilt his mother had made. There were stuffed animals, just as they’d left them, and a dollhouse fit for a princess.
If she stayed in Dawson she’d have to get her own place. But first she’d have to get a job. The money left in trust by her parents was running low. She knew if Blake found out he’d suspect her of coming back to Oklahoma for money. Nothing could be further from the truth. She’d used her money to pay for Lindsey’s health care. She’d known all along that after Lindsey’s transplant she’d have to get a job.
She’d buy a little house in Dawson. She’d attend church. She would make this community her home.
Blake’s eyes were closed. She watched him for a moment, lost in thought. She’d always known he was a good man. Someone steady and dependable, a man you could count on.
For another few minutes she watched him in the chair, stretched out, his eyes shut, his breathing growing deep. Finally she walked away.
When she returned with the water, Blake was asleep. She pulled an afghan off the back of the sofa and draped it over him. She hesitated for a moment and then touched his cheek.
Oh, she was sorry, so very sorry. But she knew he wouldn’t believe her. He would believe that she had needed his help for Lindsey’s sake. He might even believe that she’d fallen on hard times and that had forced her to come running back to him. But would he ever believe how much she regretted leaving?
She moved her hand and shifted her attention from Blake to their daughter. She watched the easy breaths of a deep sleep. Jana had always watched Lindsey breathe. Moms did that. She was sure they all did. But in the past year she’d watched for different reasons. Because she needed to know that her daughter would take that next breath.
She’d spent a lot of time praying. For her daughter, for herself. She’d prayed about coming back to Dawson because she’d known that showing up in Oklahoma had several possible outcomes. Her biggest fear had been that Blake would have her arrested and she wouldn’t be able to watch over Lindsey.
She would have gone to jail. To keep Lindsey alive, she would have done anything, even that.
As Blake and Lindsey slept, she slipped out of the house, needing a moment to clear her head. She walked toward the barn. The dog, Sam, fell in beside her. The border collie raced ahead, found a stick and came back. Jana reached for the stick but Sam pulled away, unwilling to let her have his toy. The dog plopped to the ground, his paws holding the stick as he gnawed on it.
In the fields horses grazed. A few cattle dotted the far pasture. She stood at the corral fence watching a pony chomp on tufts of spring grass. She wasn’t sure, but she thought it might be the same pony Blake had bought Lindsey when she turned two. The little animal with the shaggy gray mane and darker gray coat looked up, watching her with an eager curiosity.
It chewed the last bite of grass and then ambled toward her. His dark eyes watched her, curious, intent.
“Billy Joe.” She remembered his name. His ears twitched, and he shoved his velvety nose at her, wanting attention.
Tears overflowed her eyes. Blake had kept the pony for ten years, waiting for his daughter to return. She reached through the fence and pulled the face of the pony close, breathing in his horse scent. She brushed the tears away. The pony slipped from her grasp, more interested in grazing the fresh shoots of spring grass.

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