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Mission: Soldier to Daddy
Soraya Lane
In the Special Forces Luke Brown was trained for anything except being a husband and father. After two years away, he wasn’t expecting his wife to welcome him open-armed, but he wasn’t anticipating divorce papers either. But Luke isn’t going to walk away again – and he’s determined to win back his wife and child!
“Is it almost time, Mommy?”
Olivia looked over at her son. His ruffled blond locks and paint-stained fingers tugged something inside her, and the worry started to knot in her stomach again.
“Not long now, honey. He’ll be here soon.”
She moved over to sit with her son and squeezed his hand.
“Will I like him?”
“Your dad? Of course! You’ll love him, Charlie.”
Her boy nodded and twisted his mouth into a smile. “Will he like me?”
Olivia laughed and gave him a soft play-punch on the arm. “Have you ever met anyone who didn’t adore you?”
Charlie jumped up then, his eyes wide. “Did you hear that?”
Olivia’s eyes fluttered shut for a heartbeat. Yes, she’d heard it, and if it wasn’t for her son she might just have fled the scene. When they opened, she was sitting at the table alone. The Welcome Home Daddy poster lay spread out in front of her, splotches of paint and glitter a blur to her eyes.
This was it.
In less than thirty seconds, if the slam of a car door was anything to go by, her husband would be stepping back into her life. Would be seeing his son for the first time in two years.
Dear Reader,
When I decided to write this book, it was almost reluctantly. The last time I wrote a “marriage in jeopardy” story, I found it to be an incredibly challenging task, and this book was no different. Why? Because I was dealing with two characters with a shared and emotional history together, and I wanted to find a way for them to fall in love all over again. That meant dealing with their painful past, allowing them to forgive, and then creating a way for them to have a happy-ever-after again as husband and wife.
In this story, Luke Brown is a successful military man, capable of doing whatever it takes to complete a mission. But at home, he struggles with being the husband he wants to be, and the father that he knows his son deserves. The only thing he’s sure about is that he’d do anything to turn back time and try to make things work with his wife, and to be in his son’s life … All he has to do is prove it to the woman he left behind two years earlier.
Mission: Soldier to Daddy is part of my HEROES COME HOME series, and if you’ve missed any of my military-themed books, be sure to visit my website for details on where to find them—www.sorayalane.com.
Soraya
About the Author
Writing for Mills & Boon
Cheris
is truly a dream come true for SORAYA LANE. An avid reader and writer since her childhood, Soraya describes becoming a published author as “the best job in the world,” and hopes to be writing heartwarming, emotional romances for many years to come.
Soraya lives with her own real-life hero on a small farm in New Zealand, surrounded by animals and with an office overlooking a field where their horses graze.
For more information about Soraya and her upcoming releases, visit her at her website, www.sorayalane.com, her blog, www.sorayalane.blogspot.com, or follow her on Facebook.
Mission:
Soldier
to Daddy
Soraya Lane
www.millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk)
For Hamish.
CHAPTER ONE
A BUTTERFLY-SOFT SHIVER ran down Olivia Brown’s spine. After all this time, she was scared of seeing her husband again. Scared of being confronted with the reality of the man who’d left her, and scared of how their son would react. Had she been right not to meet him at the airport?
“Is it almost time, Mommy?”
Olivia looked over at her son. His ruffled blond locks and paint-stained fingers tugged something inside her, and the worry started to knot in her stomach again.
“Not long now, honey. He’ll be here soon.”
She moved over to sit with her son, and squeezed his hand.
“Will I like him?”
“Your dad? Of course! You’ll love him, Charlie.”
Her boy nodded and twisted his mouth into a smile. “Will he like me?”
Olivia laughed and gave him a playful punch on the arm. “Have you ever met anyone who didn’t adore you?”
Charlie jumped up then, his eyes wide. “Did you hear that?”
Olivia’s eyes fluttered shut for a heartbeat. Yes, she’d heard it, and if it wasn’t for her son she might just have fled the scene. When her eyes opened again, she was sitting at the table alone. The Welcome Home Daddy poster lay spread out in front of her, splotches of paint and glitter a blur to her eyes.
This was it.
In less than thirty seconds, if the slam of a car door was anything to go by, her husband would be stepping back into her life. Would be seeing his son for the first time in two years.
“He’s here!”
Charlie’s excited squeal pulled her out of her daydream and she squared her shoulders, determined to stay strong. There was a knock at the door. She moved out into the hallway just as Charlie lunged forward to open it.
Lieutenant Colonel Luke Brown was officially back home.
Olivia watched Charlie tugging open the door, and wiped her palms over her denim jeans. She might not be looking forward to this, but her son sure was.
Charlie was frozen as he looked at the man on the other side of the threshold. The one who’d smiled at them from the fridge these past two years. The one in the photo that Charlie kissed every night before bed. Well, the man himself was standing right on their doorstep, all tanned, toned and handsome, just like he’d always been. Only this time he was in uniform, the starched trousers and jacket hugging his frame.
There was no mistaking it was him, though. His blond hair was cropped short, skin golden as if he’d spent a week on an island. His dark brown eyes—eyes she could never forget even if she tried—staring straight back at her. He stood tall, uncomfortable almost, in his immaculate uniform.
“Daddy!”
Charlie’s delayed yet exuberant outburst broke their stare. Olivia dropped her gaze and watched as her son saw his dad for the first time. Watched as he clutched on to the crisply pressed trousers as if he’d never let go.
“Charlie?” He hated that it was a question.
Luke counted to five in his mind, trying to stop from grabbing his little boy and squeezing the lifeblood from him. He’d waited for this moment for so long, and now this child, with hair the same blond as his own, stood before him, waiting expectantly as if his father would know what to do, when the truth was he had no idea how to even greet him. But he was back now and that’s what counted.
Before he could drop his pack to the ground the tiny body hurtled forward, grabbing him tight around the legs. Luke barely had time to lock eyes with Ollie again, to see the reaction on her face, before he was thrown headfirst into fatherhood.
“I see you’re not shy, huh?” He recovered from the tackle enough to straighten, bag dropped to the ground, one hand on his son’s head. “Thought you’d be big enough for a handshake by now.”
Charlie jumped back, saluting his dad, a grin plastered on his face. Luke responded in kind, straight-faced, at his boy pretending to be a soldier.
“You’ve been taking good care of the little soldier, huh?” Luke turned his attention back to his wife.
Olivia stood in the hall, her slender body braced by the wall. His eyes flicked over her, at the long honey-brown hair falling over her shoulders, at the slim arms crossed over her chest, and the sad blue eyes staring back at him. He hated seeing her like that. Knowing he was responsible for the sadness in her gaze.
“Aagghh! The poster!” Charlie spun around and motored down the hall past his mom, disappearing from sight. Luke watched for a moment, then stepped inside and closed the door behind him.
“How are you, Ollie?”
He stood at ease, feet spread evenly. His hands slipped into his pockets as he watched her—watched those beautiful, big blue eyes that were looking straight back at him.
“It’s good to have you back, Luke.”
Olivia’s voice was strained. He tried to ignore it, but it hit him hard. He had imagined this day for a long time, thought about what he’d say and how he’d apologize to her. But now that he was here, expressing himself wasn’t coming as easily as he’d hoped.
“It’s good to be home.” Should he close the distance between them and kiss her? Hug her and say “sorry”? He almost made himself laugh. What would he pick to say sorry for? Leaving her when he’d promised to stay? His royal failure at being a husband, or for being the world’s worst father?
“He’s been so excited about seeing you.” Olivia gestured with her head as a thunder of footfalls echoed their way. “He hardly slept a wink all night.”
Luke understood. How could he not? His son was excited to have him home, his wife wasn’t. He didn’t deserve anything more, but it still hurt.
“He’s sure turned into a pretty special kid.”
“Welcome home!” Charlie stood at his mom’s side, arms stretched wide with the homemade poster. Luke looked at Olivia first, then at Charlie, and he wished things could have been different. That he’d been away a few months, maybe six. That he was coming home to a real family, to a wife who loved him still. The kind of family he had wished for over and over when he was a child.
“I love it,” he said, dropping to his knees to inspect the picture. “You did great, kid.”
His son beamed and grabbed his hand, tugging him in the direction he’d come from. “Come on, Dad.”
Luke looked over his shoulder at Ollie and almost wished he’d stayed away. This was harder than he’d expected, and then some. He’d come home to see his son, but looking at his wife, he was wishing he’d made more of an effort in that department, too. More than an effort, he wished he’d taken the time to make things right.
When Luke looked back at her, gave her that soft smile he used to throw her way so often, Olivia almost broke down, but she was determined not to cry. She had to be strong for their son. It was all that mattered right now.
After all this time, of wishing Luke would come home, to almost wishing he’d never come back into their lives again, he was here. And she had to deal with it.
Those first few months had been the hardest, but then she’d become used to not having her husband around. She’d met other moms, new friends, fitted in in a way she hadn’t thought possible. Developed a new life, like a widow. And regretted all the times she’d raised her voice at her husband, when she should have tried listening to him instead.
She’d well and truly prepared for the fact that he might never come home. Until now. His dedication to the army was something to be proud of, but the way he’d hurt her wasn’t.
Olivia walked bravely into the living room and watched her son, rabbiting on to his father and dumping toys all over the ground as if he was playing show-and-tell. Luke had taken his jacket off and lay spread out on the floor, his uniformed legs eating up the carpet, white undershirt a contrast to the charcoal weave.
She ached to reach out and touch him, no matter how much she hated herself for thinking that, but he was just so damn gorgeous. So handsome, and the memories she had of him were so good. It was as if she needed to make contact with his skin to prove that he was here. Alive. In their house.
But reuniting with Luke wasn’t a possibility. The thrum of hurt still ached like a constant thud, and having him back only made the pain more real. She couldn’t do it again. Not now. She’d finally rebuilt her life, and if she lost him again she’d never recover.
The divorce papers were in her bag; she just had to decide when to tell him. She was sure he’d given up on their marriage long before she had, so now it was just time to make it official.
“Okay, time to let me talk to your mom, okay?” she heard him tell Charlie.
Olivia turned to see Luke pull his big frame up to full height.
“Coffee?” she asked, busying herself in the kitchen for something to do.
He nodded and sat down across from her. She sensed him watching her as she dropped instant coffee into each cup. Scooped sugar into her mug, then refilled the dispenser—anything to avoid his gaze.
“Nice place here.”
Olivia paused and looked at him. “I had to move. It just wasn’t practical to stay in the old house.” Her voice had a bite to it. A snap she hadn’t intended.
Luke raised his hands. “I didn’t mean anything by it. You don’t have to explain.”
Heat hit her cheeks and she turned to pour boiling water into each cup. Of course he hadn’t meant anything by it. She was just jittery and jumping to conclusions.
“Luke, I …” She placed the mug in front of him and tried to find the words.
He reached out to her, catching her wrist as she let one hand rest on the counter. The simple press of his skin against hers made her pull away, recoil. But it also made her flush with something other than anger. Because she still wanted Luke, no matter how much she tried to make herself think otherwise.
“You don’t have to say anything. This is hard for me, too, Ollie.”
No! she wanted to scream at him. You have no idea how I feel, no idea how lonely I’ve been, how some nights I just wished you were dead, so I could move on with my life.
There had been times when she’d almost wished the worst would happen to him, even though the guilt of her thoughts would later eat away at her. But the way things had ended between them, the regrets she had for what she’d said and done, the pain from his actions, had pushed her to the edge.
She stood and sipped her coffee, hand shaking ever so slightly. Luke did the same, but he didn’t look back at her. Instead he stared into the black liquid, eyes down. She hoped he couldn’t read her thoughts.
“Mommy?”
Charlie’s voice pulled her back to reality. A welcome relief to the strained feeling between her and Luke.
“Can we go outside?”
She glanced at Luke and he nodded, taking a few quick sips of his drink before standing. Charlie looked innocent, his head on a slight angle as if he wasn’t sure what was happening.
“Let’s go kick a ball or something, huh?” Luke suggested.
Ollie watched as he took Charlie’s hand. Watched as they walked from the room and out the door, father and son.
Luke was all muscle—lean and toned. A bit on the thin side, but handsome and strong nonetheless. Her body still yearned for him, and so did her heart, but things were different now. He’d broken his promise and left her, and she could never forgive him for ending things. She had to protect herself and her son.
It wasn’t that she didn’t believe in patriotism. She did. But she also believed in family. A soldier didn’t just walk out on his family, no matter what. Not like Luke had. Could she ever trust him not to leave Charlie again?
“He’s out cold.”
Luke sat back down at the table and poured himself another glass of wine. He hadn’t drunk more than the odd beer in years, but this was at least helping him deal with being back.
Ollie looked up at him, and he resisted the urge to reach out. To touch her and remember what things had once been like for them. He knew it was a lot to expect, her having him here, but it wasn’t as if they were pretending to be together again. Except maybe just a little, to keep things uncomplicated for their son.
“Why didn’t you call, Luke?”
If he could have hung his head any lower, he would have. He’d been a lousy husband and an even worse dad, and he had no excuse. But her question still made him feel like dirt. Luke took another sip of wine and stared back at her.
“We were lucky to hear from you every other month.”
He frowned. “It was hard to make contact.” He knew it sounded phony, and the truth was he should have made more of an effort, but … damn it! He knew he’d stuffed up, and it wasn’t something he’d wanted to do.
“Bull!” She stood with a thump, glaring at him as she swore. “Don’t lie to me, Luke. You had a little boy here who cried for his daddy night after night, and you couldn’t make the effort to call more? He’s had to grow up without even remembering or knowing who you were.”
Luke stayed seated. He was not going to argue with her. Not on his first night home. Not like they used to. But at one point, when he had been at his lowest, that’s what he’d wanted: for Charlie to forget him so he never knew the pain of loss.
“Keep your voice down, Ollie. You’ll wake Charlie,” he said.
“How dare you!” she growled. “I’ve kept my voice down every night, doing nothing but look after our son. He’s been my life, Luke. While you’ve been off fighting for our country, I’ve been fighting for our son. For me. For our family.” She paused and glared at him, her voice dropping an octave. “While you decided not to give a damn.”
Her eyes were full of tears. Luke looked away. He couldn’t watch her. Couldn’t bear to see the sadness, the emptiness in her eyes. Worst of all, he knew she was right.
“I know it’s been hard for you.…”
The silence that stretched between them seemed to drain the air of oxygen. But it wasn’t just his fault, was it? Ollie hadn’t exactly acted as if she’d wanted him to stay, and he’d never forgotten it.
“You have no idea how hard it’s been, Luke. Don’t even try to understand. I was here alone, with a little boy who deserved a father.” Her voice cracked. “It wasn’t that you left me, it was that you left our son.”
Luke stood and walked into the kitchen. He couldn’t hide behind the excuse of being a soldier any longer, and Ollie was right. His son didn’t deserve to grow up without a dad, and he knew firsthand why. Because it was how he’d grown up, and he’d come home to make sure history didn’t repeat itself, that his son knew him.
“Olivia, I’m sorry. I am.”
“You forget that I’ve been around army wives for the last two years.” Olivia was standing behind him in the kitchen now, her voice still laced with tears. “They had calls at least every month, once a week even, and their husbands took leave and came home, even if it was only a few days. With your rank … Oh, I don’t even know anymore, Luke. But I do know that you could have done more.”
He looked back at his wife, ashamed. Walking out had been the easy option for him when things had become difficult, and he’d taken it. When their son had refused to sleep, when his wife had never believed he would have married her unless she was pregnant, knowing that he could die on deployment and leave his boy without a dad, just as he’d experienced …
“It was too hard to talk to you, Ollie. Charlie, too. It was easier not to.” It was a struggle to push the words out, to make himself be honest with her. “You have no idea how many times I picked up a phone, how many times I wanted to talk to you and couldn’t go through with it.”
“Yeah, well, maybe you should have.”
By the time he looked back up, she was gone.
Luke dropped his head into his hands, eyes shut. Maybe if they hadn’t gotten pregnant so soon, if they hadn’t rushed into marriage, things would have been different. Maybe they never would have married at all. But all that mattered right now was making it up to his son, and proving to him that he was here for him, that he was committed to being his dad.
Because this time he had no intention of walking away.
CHAPTER TWO
CHARLIE’S HEAD APPEARED next to the bed and Luke squinted at the bedside clock. It was 2:00 a.m.
“Hey, buddy.” He reached out a hand and touched Charlie’s head. Luke didn’t know what else to do. He’d never really been around kids, not even his own.
His son blinked at him, big brown eyes peering down at him as the little boy leaned closer.
“Can I get into bed with you?” Charlie whispered.
“Uh, yeah, I guess.”
Luke pulled the covers back. He hated that he didn’t know what to do. Should he send him back to his own bed? Cuddle him? What?
Now Charlie was snuggling hard against him, and Luke knew there was no going back. He put his arm out, feeling awkward. Not sure what to say, to his own son.
“Daddy?”
Luke swallowed. Daddy. It was a name he’d dreamed of being called for two long years, but now he didn’t know how to even be a dad. When he’d left, Charlie had been so young, and now Luke could see how much he’d missed out on. “Yes, Charlie?”
“I love you.”
“Well, uh, I love you, too.” Luke choked. He tried to swallow again. Thank God it was dark and his son couldn’t see him.
“You won’t go away again, will you, Daddy?”
“No, bud.” He held his son close, fighting back tears. Truth was, he didn’t know when he’d be going away again, but he wasn’t going to let his son know that. It was what he did—the army called and he had to jump to attention. He’d tried to think otherwise sometimes, that maybe he could change vocation, but being a soldier was what he did, and he did it damn well. He had a few months without having to leave, and then he didn’t know what he was going to do. Or how he was going to leave things here.
“I like having a dad.”
Great. Talk about pulling on his heartstrings. Luke pushed away the feelings he’d tried so long to keep hidden—the guilt of leaving his son and repeating the cycle. Of letting his own child go through what he’d been through, what he’d struggled with his whole life: growing up without a dad and wishing like hell his life could have been different. But then, deep down, he’d rather Charlie not even know his dad than lose him and remember what he’d lost for the rest of his life. Like he had.
He’d gone all these years in the army without crying, and now he was on the verge of turning into a blubbering baby.
“Will you ever sleep in Mom’s bed?”
That made him smile. “Let’s hope so, kiddo.”
He knew it was a lie, a fib at a stretch. Ollie was never going to let him back in her bed, and although it was tempting to think about being under the sheets with her, that wasn’t why he was here. He’d come home for his son, to get to know the boy, not with any illusions that Ollie would take him back. Things had been strained between them, and he’d helped their marriage go from bad to worse.
“Do you have a night-light?”
Had someone taught his son interrogation techniques? “Let’s get some sleep, huh?”
Luke snuggled him even closer, tucking his son’s little body into his.
Maybe he could do this whole dad routine. He only wished he could have gotten a handle on the husband part, too.
Ollie pressed against the door and tried to ignore the tears leaving a wet trail down her cheeks. She should have walked away as soon as she’d heard Charlie talking to his dad, but instead she’d stood and listened.
She’d risen, so in tune with her son and used to him getting up in the night. Part of her loved that he’d gone in to see his dad, but part of her hated it, too—that for the first time he’d gone to someone else instead of climbing into bed with her. They’d had over two years together, she and Charlie, just the two of them, and changing that was hard.
Ollie walked silently back down to her room and crawled into bed. But those words kept playing over and over in her mind. Will you ever sleep in Mommy’s bed? The man who’d driven her crazy, made her fall so in love with him after such a short time together, and now they were like strangers. Would he have ever come back if it wasn’t for Charlie? Would she have deserved it? Because no matter what she said or felt, part of the blame in their marriage breaking down was her doing. And it was time she admitted it.
Ollie squeezed her eyes shut and tried to find sleep, but she had a feeling that slumber wasn’t going to be quite that simple. Kind of like her marriage.
The noise in the living room woke Ollie before she was ready to open her eyes. What was going on out there?
She rose, checked the drawstring on her pajama bottoms and pulled her tank top into line.
“Mommy!”
Charlie charged her, just about taking her pants down with her as he tugged her along. The remnants of a train track were sprawled in every direction. Railcars and engines added to the carnage.
“Morning.”
She looked up from the train wreck and into the kitchen. Luke stood there bare-chested, in just his boxer shorts. She took in a deep breath and self-consciously ran a hand through her bed hair. Damn. Taut, tanned torso, a sprinkling of hair on his chest that arrowed down into his shorts … She’d forgotten how good he looked without his clothes on.
Ollie ran her focus up his body again and met twinkling eyes. She quickly diverted her gaze.
“Breakfast?” He gestured with his head and she took a step forward to peer into the kitchen.
“He’s making pancakes, Mom. Pancakes!”
Charlie scooted up to Luke and hung off him as if they were glued together, not shy of his dad at all.
“Your favorite, huh?”
He grinned. “How many you going to have, Mom?”
She gave her son a smile before meeting Luke’s gaze. Ollie knew how dreadful she probably looked, all mussed from bed. When they’d first met she’d worn sexy teddies, not gingham pj’s.
“I’m just going to jump in the shower. Save me a couple, okay, Charlie?’
She directed her words to him to avoid conversation with Luke, but doubted her son had even heard her. He was yabbering away to his dad a hundred miles a minute, and Luke was flipping pancakes to exuberant yelps of excitement.
Ollie left the room and flopped down onto her bed, exhausted already. She’d hardly slept a wink and now her stranger husband was making breakfast for their son, and she had no idea what to do. What her role even was right now.
She knew the reality was that the man she’d married had been a soldier, and going away had been part of the deal, but he’d swept her off her feet and made her forget all that. Until she’d gotten pregnant and he’d proposed, and everything had slowly started to unravel. Because she’d never truly believed that he would have married her otherwise, and because the night before she’d found out she actually was pregnant, Luke had told her that he never, ever wanted to be a dad.
Luke’s dedication to the army had seemed so exciting when she’d first met him. But doubt had gnawed at her for so many months, and then with a difficult baby and no one to help her through the tough times, she’d snapped. More than once. And eventually, Luke had walked out the door and never come back.
“What do you say we head to the park?”
She watched Luke smile at Charlie as he leaped up, jumping around, no doubt hyper from all the sugar in their breakfast.
“I’m not sure,” said Ollie. “I’ve got to get to work.”
She sighed. Her husband and son looked up at her like sad puppies.
“What do you usually do with Charlie?” Luke asked.
Ollie scooped up their coffee mugs and sticky maple-syrup-covered plates and took them into the kitchen. “He comes to work with me. Ricardo’s pretty relaxed about Charlie tagging along.”
“Ricardo?” Luke’s attention was suddenly focused directly on her, eyes as sharp as a hawk’s.
“My boss. Ricardo Bolton.” She paused and leaned back on the counter. “He’s an attorney. I clean his place, have dinner in the fridge for him, all the general housekeeping type stuff so he can focus on work, and he doesn’t mind if Charlie tags along with me.”
“Right.”
It seemed so weird, having this type of conversation with her husband. Ricardo had become a close friend, but the way Luke was looking at her made her wonder if he thought their relationship was something else.
“And does this Ricardo man know you’re still married?”
Ollie laughed. She hardly remembered she was married sometimes, given her lack of husband.
“He likes Mom,” chirped Charlie, dragging his dad by the hand to reinspect his train set.
Luke picked the boy up, but his attention was still focused on her.
“It’s nothing like that,” she said, but her cheeks heated, giving her away. She’d always been a terrible liar. Her son had meant nothing by it, couldn’t have meant anything by it, but the implication was obvious. And for some stupid reason she felt guilty about it.
“What about your drawing? You were still doing some illustrating before I left.”
“Ricardo’s a great employer and we needed the extra money. No time to waste on dreams anymore,” she told him.
Ollie smiled at Luke before turning to the dishes. She felt no attraction whatsoever to Ricardo, but he was always making it clear that he’d like her to be more than just the housekeeper. Something she had no intention of ever agreeing to, but at least he made her feel wanted.
“Maybe I’ll take Charlie to the park while you go to work,” Luke suggested.
She nodded, but Luke had already turned away, his attention back on the toy box that Charlie was enthusiastically tipping upside down, to better show his dad what was inside.
Part of her, just a tiny part, wished that her husband had walked in their door and made the same sort of fuss over her as he was over his son. That they could start over, have fun again. But in her heart, she knew it was over. For good.
CHAPTER THREE
LUKE LOOKED ACROSS the dinner table, trying to figure out how to say what had to be said. He’d already been here a day, and the longer he took to talk to his wife, the harder it was going to get. Charlie was in bed, so it was now or never. He might not have come home with the intention of righting his marriage, but now that he was here it was all he could think about.
“Ollie, I need to get a few things off my chest.”
She placed her knife and fork neatly on the plate before looking up, her gaze fixed on him.
“What you said yesterday was right. I should have called more, made more of an effort. All I can say is that I’m sorry.” He paused. “I’m just not good at this sort of thing.”
The silence between them was painful.
“What makes you think I am?” Ollie asked, looking down then back up at him. “It wasn’t like I was great at talking or listening before you left.”
Luke didn’t know what to say. He watched her, his wife, and wondered how things had gotten to this point. How he’d let her slip away. She was the best thing that had ever happened to him, and instead of admitting that he’d run like a scared rabbit, because it had been easier than dealing with whatever had been going on with them. “Is there any way we can make this work, for Charlie’s sake?”
Ollie just stared at him, her mouth pursed, eyebrows forming an angry frown. He’d expected to take her by surprise, but he hadn’t expected that look.
Besides, he’d said the wrong thing. It wasn’t just for Charlie’s sake, it was because he still loved her, and instead of telling her that he’d managed to insult her.
Luke wanted to hold her, talk to her, listen to what she had to say, as he used to do. But it was as if there was nothing left between them, and asking for a second chance wasn’t something he knew how to do.
“I’m sorry,” he said.
“Sorry’s not good enough, Luke.”
Ollie wanted to hit him, curse at him, yell—but she couldn’t. Fight, that’s what she wanted. To fight him, argue, get it all out, but she didn’t want to go down that path again, because if she thought of the months before Luke had gone, the weeks right before he’d left, that’s all she could remember. Picking fights, wanting to punish him somehow for telling her he didn’t want to be a dad, instead of making him open up to her and explain why.
Their marriage was over; she knew that. But it was time they discussed their problems like the adults they were, instead of the young kids they’d been when they’d married.
“Charlie needs both his parents, Luke, but us being together isn’t a reality.”
Luke watched her, giving nothing away. Then he sighed. “I know.”
Give him a star for trying, but even he knew there was no hope. She knew if he was serious about them he would have acted on it sooner. Would have made more of an effort and not let it get to this point. Wouldn’t have walked away in the first place, or would have at least come back before now.
“You walked out on our marriage, Luke. I know I was partly to blame, but I would never, ever have walked away from you.”
He nodded, palms flat on the table, his foot tapping insistently on the floor as if he wanted to get up and walk away right now.
“Luke …” She paused, not sure how to say what she needed to tell him. “Luke, I just don’t know if I could love you anymore.” There, she’d said it. Said the words that had been choking her for weeks, months, years even. A weight lifted like a veil that had been suffocating her. Because what had happened between them had changed everything.
“I understand.” His voice was deep. Full of emotion. “Of course I understand.”
She paused again, pushing her fears back down her throat, sucking back the tears. “Then what are we doing here? Why are we pretending that it’s okay you’re back here staying with us?” Ollie stood up and paused at the window. Touched her head to the cool of the glass.
She felt rather than heard him rise. He was standing behind her. Every hair on her body stood at attention, aware of him being so close. Too close.
“We’re married, Ollie. We have a son. That does still mean something.”
Ollie turned, her eyes locking hard on to his. She knew it meant something, but he couldn’t just walk back into their lives and expect her to fall in a heap at his feet. She had to protect her own heart, and her son’s. It wasn’t just about her and Luke anymore. It hadn’t been since Charlie had been born.
“Those things aren’t enough to make us work. To make this work. We need to be good parents, nothing more. What we had has gone, and we don’t need to stay married for Charlie to be happy.”
Tears flowed freely down her cheeks. She acknowledged their cold, wet presence and didn’t try to stop them.
“I don’t want him growing up without a family.” Luke punched out the words. “Because then I’d be putting him through what I went through, and I can’t live with that.”
“Neither do I,” she snapped back, unable to hide how angry she was. Luke had made it obvious that she had nothing to do with why he wanted to possibly stay married, but was it just because he didn’t want to repeat his own past, or something more? “Do you really think we could be together again, after all this time of growing apart?”
He shrugged, a noncommittal movement of the shoulders that told her nothing.
“You left me, alone, all that time, and I don’t think I’ll ever get over that.”
“Now you’re being unreasonable!” he bellowed, his soft demeanor disappearing quicker than it had arrived. “I had no choice. You knew my duty when you married me, and things were already bad well before I left.” He shook his head. “When I called and heard your voice on the phone, when I rang and then had to hang up as soon as you answered, I didn’t know where to start, or what I could say.”
“You said you’d leave the army for me, Luke.” She wasn’t ready to admit that their marriage had already been teetering too close to the edge before she’d found out he was leaving. Or to acknowledge the fact that he had tried to call her more often than he had. “You promised. And then you walked out on our marriage like it meant nothing to you.”
“I had to go, Ollie. Leaving my boys over there would have been wrong and you know it.” His voice went soft, low. “But what I did to you, leaving, was unforgivable and not a day has gone past that I haven’t wished things could have been different.”
She knew her last comment had been a low blow; she shouldn’t have said it. But it was what she had held so close for so long. Thought about when she’d lain awake at night, alone, with no husband next to her in the bed. When they’d hit a rough patch he’d taken the easy option and just left, when all she’d wanted was for him to fight for her. No matter what had happened, how hard things had been, all she’d wished for was that he could prove to her that he’d married her for more than just the sake of her being pregnant. That she wasn’t being used by men like her mom had been.
“I can’t do this again, Luke. We can’t make this work.”
She’d only just got over him. Just managed to move on, and now he was asking for what? A second chance? Was he just trying to make sure she’d let him see his son? Because she’d never stop him from being in Charlie’s life.
Luke strode the two steps to stand before her, to tower over her small frame. “No.”
“No?”
“You heard me.” His voice was determined now, commanding rather than questioning. “I did my duty, served my country. The way I left you makes me a crappy husband, but it doesn’t mean I don’t deserve a chance to at least be a better dad, Ollie.”
Ollie stayed silent. She didn’t trust her voice. She should have been grateful that it was his son he wanted, but a little voice cried out in her mind, because it would have felt so good to know he wanted her, too. To hear him say he’d do anything to be back in her life again.
“I want to be there for Charlie.”
“But, Luke …” Her voice cracked as he reached out one hand to steady her shaking arm.
Her voice was barely a whisper when she finally spoke again. “I can’t put us in a position to be left again. You need to prove yourself to me, Luke, and to Charlie, before you can be his full-time dad. Right now you’re like a new toy, but how long before the batteries fail and you’re gone again?”
She held his gaze, kept her chin high. She was not going to allow her heart to be broken again. This was it, and she couldn’t take a chance on trusting him when she didn’t know how long he’d be here, and how long he’d be gone next time. It had been too easy for him to leave, and now he’d come back to them, hoping to start again.
“I want a divorce, Luke.” The words were hard to say, but she had to tell him. Because if she didn’t she’d be kidding herself and him.
“A divorce?” He stepped back as if she’d hit him.
“I’m sorry,” she sobbed, tears making it hard to speak as she walked away. “I just can’t do this. Not again. What we had didn’t work, Luke, and we both need to understand that.”
All Olivia had ever wanted was a family of her own, a husband who loved her, but that fantasy was past its use-by date. It was just her and Charlie, and she couldn’t let Luke thunder back into their lives like a tornado. Charlie needed a father who hung around, or was at least a whole lot better at staying in touch when he wasn’t.
“Olivia.”
She heard Luke say her name, but she didn’t want to turn around.
“Olivia, please.”
But there were no words he could say right now to change how she felt.
CHAPTER FOUR
OLLIE’S CHEEKS HURT. She could hear her own laughter echoing around them as Luke twirled her, over and over again.
“Stop!”
He drew her in, hard against him, his muscled body tight against hers.
“Say you love me.”
“Luke, let go of me!” She squirmed in his arms.
“Say it, baby, or I’ll toss you in the water.”
He lifted her off her feet so only her toes trailed on the sand, and started walking her toward the ocean.
“I love you, I love you!” she cried, her arms around his neck.
“Too late.”
She started to tell him off, to swat at him, but he dropped her into the water, diving in himself. Her hair was plastered to her face, mascara dripped into her eyes, but she still couldn’t stop smiling.
He resurfaced. “Come here often?”
Luke lay next to her, half floating on his stomach, and pushed his hair off his face. Water fell from his dark lashes, and she felt herself fall apart. Those brown eyes looked straight through her, past her insecurities and worries, straight into her heart.
“Look what you’ve done to me.” She giggled, rubbing beneath her eyes. “I’m a mess.”
“You,” he said, kissing her nose, “are—” another kiss “—not a mess.”
She kissed him back then, their wet lips pressed together, her hands in his hair.
“I do love you, Luke.”
“I know, honey, I know.”
Ollie woke with a fright. It was just a dream. She wanted to cry, sob her heart out, because here she was, dreaming about the man she’d fallen head over heels in love with, the only man she’d ever loved, who was so close yet so far away. Her own husband, in the spare room, so near that she could wake him just by thudding on the wall. But not the same man he’d been back then.
Her heart stilled, but she was rattled. It was always the same dream. The day she’d gotten pregnant, the one time they hadn’t used protection. The same day she’d decided that Luke was the man of her dreams, before everything had slowly started to unravel.
A gentle tap made her stare at the door. Charlie would never knock; he would just come marching on in.
Ollie slipped out of bed and pulled on her robe, checking to see she had everything covered. She took a deep breath before opening the door.
“Hey.” It was Luke. Who else had she expected?
“Hey,” she whispered back.
She didn’t know if it was the dream or just the time of night, but she couldn’t take her eyes from his face. His hair, his lips, the stubble on his jaw. Just like he used to look. Yet somehow even better.
“Are you okay?” he asked.
Her eyebrows knotted. Why wouldn’t she be okay? It was the middle of the night. “Ah, sure, I’m fine.”
Luke looked uncomfortable. “It’s just, I heard you calling out. Must have been a dream.”
This time it was Ollie who was uncomfortable. Her stomach churned as if she’d eaten something bad. “Mmm,” she mumbled, “must have.”
“Okay, well, I’ll, uh, head back to bed then.”
Ollie watched him, her embarrassment starting to fade. There had been a time when she would have told Luke anything, had thought they would be in love and happy forever. And looking at him now, she almost felt they had gone back. Gone back to when they were dating, to the early days of her pregnancy, before they’d realized that maybe they’d rushed into marriage, that things weren’t so easy with a newborn baby. That they hadn’t talked through their pasts or their problems enough, before making such a massive commitment to one another.
She took in the pajama bottoms, the bare chest, the trail of hair that skewered from his belly button as he turned back to face her. He was standing there, just looking at her, not moving.
“Ollie …” His voice trailed off.
“Yes?” She waited expectantly, desperate for him to say something, anything.
His swift movement took her by surprise. She gasped, eyes locked on his as he pulled her tight against him, pressed his lips hard onto hers. She knew she was rigid, fought it, but as she softened into him, melted into his arms, he, too, softened the kiss. Moved his lips over hers so delicately that she thought her legs would buckle.
It was over too quick. He pulled away and took a step back, his eyes tracing her face, looking for an answer.
“I never stopped thinking about you, Ollie,” he said, his voice low and husky. “I never, ever stopped wondering how the hell things had gone so wrong. How I’d managed to wreck what we had, and wished we could just go back in time.”
She stood there, mute, hand raised to her lips. What could she say to that? He’d sure had a bad way of showing how he felt.
“Luke, I …”
“No.” He said the word firmly. “Don’t say anything. Just promise you won’t give up on us, not yet. Let’s give it one more go. I might not deserve it, but let me try to make it up to you, Ollie.”
Olivia stayed still. She didn’t know what to say, anyway. She loved the memory of him, loved the look of the man standing in front of her, but she didn’t know if she actually loved him now or not. Didn’t know if she could ever truly forgive him, or trust him not to leave her. Did he still want her, or was it just for Charlie’s sake that he wanted to try again?
“I’m going to make you trust me, but first you have to say you’ll give me a chance.”
“Luke, I already have the divorce papers.”
“Give me a month, Ollie, or two. After that, I’ll sign the papers.” The look on his face told her he was being honest, that he genuinely believed it was worth trying. “I’ve had a lot of time to think, and I know things ended badly between us, but we’re married and we have a son. That counts for something. I know it and you know it.”
She bit down on her bottom lip, eyes on him. He was staring at her with that deep, brooding look. The sort of look she hadn’t seen on his face other than the day Charlie had been born.
“There’s something about being back here that makes me think we could be a family. For real.”
“You will actually be here for a whole month?” she asked.
He’d never said how long he was back for, never said when he’d be needed again. She didn’t know anything other than he was “off duty” for a while.
Luke just stared at her, unblinking. “I promise I’m here for a while. I haven’t signed up for anything else yet, and I’m owed a decent amount of time off.”
Could she do it? Actually put her heart on the line and give him a second chance? Believe what he was telling her? Change her mind and actually say yes to him?
“So what do you say?” Luke asked.
“Okay,” she whispered. Only because she wanted to see if he could change her mind.
“One month?” he asked.
As long as it takes. “Let’s just see how we go,” she answered.
Luke backed away from her, edging slowly down the hall. She was planted on the spot, her feet powerless to walk away even if she’d wanted to. What she would give to have pulled him into her room, to have made love to him just like they’d had crazy, passionate sex on the beach in her dream.
But he was right. Maybe they did have to give it a chance, for Charlie’s sake. But he was going to have to prove to her that he deserved a second chance before she ever let him back in. It had been so long, and she knew he was probably full of conflict from his time abroad. He could just as easily take flight and leave her all over again, and this time he would leave a heartbroken kid behind, too.
She was strong, so she could see him leave now and force a wall over her heart. But Charlie couldn’t. Her boy would be affected forever if he fell in love with his dad and then he left, but she didn’t have any control over that. She could stop Luke from affecting her, but he had rights to his son, and she wasn’t going to stand in his way. Yet.
Luke tried his hardest not to look back over his shoulder. He balled one fist as he walked, turning into his room as if he was marching. His body rigid.
He had come home with no intention of a reconciliation—no intention of asking for Ollie back. What he’d wanted was to be there for his son. But being home, spending time with his boy and being around his wife was driving him crazy. His perfect little family was still within his grasp, and he had to grab hold as quickly as he could to avoid losing them. Forever.
He’d never stopped regretting leaving them the first time, but they’d all been so young. Charlie had been so difficult, and Ollie had seemed determined to push Luke away. He’d panicked over being a dad, struggled for so long without being able to talk to his wife about it without her exploding, and then he’d joined his unit and never come home. Been promoted to a Special Operations task force and tried not to look back.
But right now he had a chance, and he wasn’t going to walk away again without trying. All his life he’d been told he wasn’t good enough, had grown up thinking he didn’t deserve a family, that there was a reason he’d been left, that the way he’d been treated in foster care was normal. But he had a chance now to right the wrongs he’d made, to give his son the kind of home he’d wanted so bad as a kid, and to make things right with his wife. To stop being afraid of what if and live in the now.
All he needed to do was figure out how.
Ollie kept her hands busy with dinner and her ears on Luke. It wasn’t an easy conversation to be having, she’d give him that, but he owed it to Charlie to be straight with him. And if Luke hadn’t told him, then it would have been left to her—again.
“I know I said I wouldn’t leave you, bud, but it’s, well, it’s tricky.”
Charlie was pouting. He didn’t throw tantrums often, but she was starting to think this could turn into one.
“But you said,” he whined.
Now Ollie was sure they were moving into meltdown territory.
“Okay, I’ll make you a promise,” she heard Luke say.
Charlie jumped to attention then, his frown disappearing, but Ollie had one hover across her lips instead. The last thing she needed was to deal with a broken promise. She bit down on her lip, determined not to interfere.
“I promise that I’ll tell you where I’m going and for how long, if I go away. And I’ll phone you while I’m gone,” Luke said.
Ollie pretended to toss the salad, and tried hard to keep her eyes down. Could he keep that promise?
“Really?” Charlie asked.
“Yep, really.” Luke smiled and extended his hand. “Shake and it becomes a real promise. A man’s promise.”
Olivia dropped the serving spoon by mistake. A man’s promise? She didn’t know whether she should be hoping he’d be able to keep it, or annoyed that he’d even made it.
She turned to see Charlie slowly put his hand into his father’s. Trusting. Trusting that he could believe in the big promise his father had just made him.
“See these soldiers?” asked Luke, holding them up for his son to see.
Charlie nodded.
“This one here is a sergeant.” He reached out and placed it in his hand. “This fellow here, well, he’s a private.”
“What are you, Daddy?” Charlie’s question made Ollie’s breath catch in her throat.
“Well, son, I’m a lieutenant colonel, and that means I have to lead my men, to make sure that people like you and Mommy back here are safe. We have to go on special operations.”
Charlie had started out listening to his dad, but now he was walking the soldier figurines around the carpet. But Olivia was listening. How could she not? Because no matter what had happened between them, she was incredibly proud of Luke’s career.
Luke knew Ollie was watching. He’d known all along that she was listening, but he didn’t mind. Part of this promise was about showing her that he was serious about being a dad, but it was a hell of a lot easier to talk to Charlie than to her. Most of all, he just wanted to be honest, and talking didn’t come easy to him.
His men had always trusted him with their lives, but he knew that earning Olivia’s trust would be hard. And he still hadn’t told her the truth about where he’d been and what he had been doing. That he was part of a Special Forces task force, that he’d been immersed in another culture most of the time he’d been away. That he’d never been so terrified in his life, and that when he’d almost died, had come so close to becoming a casualty, all he’d thought of was her.
Luke left Charlie to his playing and joined Ollie in the kitchen. If he was serious about them giving this a real go, then he needed to make an effort. A big effort.
“So, uh, how are you feeling about last night?” Luke cringed at his words. Idiot. Not quite how he’d planned on saying it. Ollie’s face now flushed a deep pink and he looked down at his feet. He never had been very good at this whole talking business.
He looked up and found her fussing with the food she was making, maybe finding this as awkward as he was.
“What’s for dinner?” he asked next.
That at least elicited a smile in his direction.
“Oh, just lasagna with a salad. Nothing much.”
“Just lasagna? Sounds like more than nothing to me.”
“I’ve made dessert, too. Charlie’s favorite.”
Luke hated that he didn’t know what his son liked to eat.
“Chocolate cake,” Ollie said, as if knowing that he was floundering. “Slathered with icing and with a little ice cream on the side.”
“Sounds like we have the same favorites.”
They looked at one another. Luke couldn’t drop his gaze. There was something there, he knew it, something that hadn’t disappeared despite the time that had passed, despite the way things had ended between them. Olivia looked away first, but Luke couldn’t. He kept watching her, wishing that he was one for talking, about his feelings, about what he wanted.
But last night he had, and now he had to prove himself to her, and as easy as it would be to run, to go back to the army, he was going to try his hardest. Not just for Charlie, but because of Olivia. His wife. No more excuses. This time he was going to prove himself and make her believe in him again, and he wasn’t going to let her down.
Because maybe he did deserve it. Maybe he wasn’t destined to fail at being a husband and a dad.
Maybe, just maybe, he could be successful at more than just being a soldier. And maybe he’d come home for Olivia as much as he’d come home for his son.
CHAPTER FIVE
THE COOL WIND made the tiny hairs on Olivia’s arm rise in protest, but she ignored it. All she could think about was Luke, and no matter how hard she tried not to, it was impossible. Every month he’d been away she’d thought about him, so why had she expected it would be different, having him home? Perhaps without Charlie as a constant reminder, it might have been.
Olivia looked up as she reached her employer’s apartment. It was weird arriving on her own, when for almost a year she’d made the walk with a little hand tucked into her own.
“Hello,” she called as she let herself in, just in case Ricardo was home.
She was greeted by silence. Olivia shrugged off her coat and walked into the kitchen, dropping her belongings on the counter. The place was immaculate as usual, just like she’d left it, as if he hadn’t even been home since the last time she’d visited.
Olivia crossed the room, heading for the fridge. She paused to read the note on the counter beside it: “I’d love that homemade pasta sauce for dinner tonight, darling! R.”
Fresh pasta and her tomato and basil sauce. Perfect. Now she could just ponder her thoughts and prepare dinner, on autopilot.
And try again to stop thinking about Luke.
Luke stood at ease as he watched Charlie run around the playground. His son had zoomed down the slide over and over, and was now making a beeline for the jungle gym.
“Come on, Dad.” Charlie waved excitedly for him to follow.
There were plenty of kids around, all doing their own thing, accompanied by their nannies or moms. Luke was the odd man out, but he didn’t care. So long as no one realized he had no idea what he was doing, he’d be fine.
“Daddy! Daddy, look!”
Luke looked up in time to see Charlie hanging upside down, showing all his teeth he was smiling so hard. Luke gulped. This looked like a rescue mission to him.
“Stay still, bud. I’ll get you.” He gritted his teeth and jogged forward.
“Look, look! I’m upside down.”
Luke was looking, just not with the enthusiasm his son seemed to expect. How the hell had Charlie managed to scramble so high? Did Olivia let him do this sort of thing, or was he supposed to stop him?
A manual. He definitely needed a manual.
Charlie wriggled back onto the bars, still grinning, then landed with a thud on both feet.
“What next?”
“As in where are we going next?” Luke asked. Was there somewhere else they were supposed to be going?
“No! What do we play on next?”
A noise from behind him made Luke turn.
“Hi there.” The voice belonged to a pretty brunette.
“Uh, hi.”
“I just wondered if you were new to the area? We haven’t seen you here before.”
Luke followed her nod, and saw that two other young moms were watching them.
“Yeah, new,” he said. “Well, I lived near here for a while before I shipped out.”
“So you’re a soldier?” she asked.
Luke was flattered by the seduction in her voice, but he wasn’t interested. And he wasn’t exactly sure how to make that clear to her. “Yes, ma’am. Just arrived back from offshore.”
She turned around and smiled at her friends. Luke took his chance to change the subject. He reached for Charlie’s hand. His marriage might not be in the best shape right now, but his problems at being a husband had nothing to do with infidelity.
“I’m running a bit late to see my wife, so we’d best be off. Nice to meet you,” he said.
The woman looked disappointed, but she didn’t give up. “I’m Lisa.” She thrust out her hand.
“Nice to meet you, Lisa,” he said firmly. “Have a nice day.”
Luke saw her frown before he turned, but he didn’t care. A hand tugging his reminded him that he wasn’t alone, and that he had better things to worry about than hurting a stranger’s feelings. Especially one as forward as this woman.
“Who was that?” asked Charlie.
“Nobody we’ll ever see again,” said Luke, ruffling his boy’s hair. “You want to have a go on the slide again before we leave?”
“Then we’ll go see Mom?”
Of course. Charlie had heard him say they were off to see Olivia, so he thought that was where they were going.
“I don’t actually know where she works,” Luke admitted.
“I do!” shouted Charlie, taking him by surprise. “Let’s go.”
Luke had no choice but to comply, and he wasn’t complaining. Being dragged around by an almost four-year-old had its benefits, and being lost in the moment was one of them.
Despite trusting that Charlie actually did have a sense of direction, and letting go of his own desire to be in charge, Luke wasn’t feeling all that sure when his boy confidently announced they had arrived at their destination.
“You sure?” He felt silly questioning a kid, but he had no idea if they were at the right apartment or not, and he didn’t even have his wife’s cell phone number to call her and ask.
Charlie nodded and reached on tiptoes to push the buzzer.
Just when Luke was ready to call off the idea, Olivia’s clear voice rang out through the intercom.
“Bolton residence, who is it?”
Luke swallowed. “Olivia?”
“Mom, it’s me! Let us up!”
That solved the problem of explaining why they were there.
“Hey, honey, come on up.”
Luke followed, starting to get used to the idea of being the one who did as he was told, rather than the other way around. Perhaps his son was destined to follow in his footsteps. The idea put a smile on his face as they walked up.
Charlie bounded on ahead and, breathless, jumped into the elevator. “You just push the button and it takes you to the right floor,” he explained.
“Righto.” Luke nodded.
Seconds later the doors swished open and they stepped into an apartment like he’d never seen before. Wow. The guy clearly had plenty of money.
Jealously made Luke grimace, but he shrugged it away. Perhaps if he knew the man wasn’t actually interested in Olivia he’d feel differently.
“Hi, sweetheart!” Ollie enveloped Charlie in her arms and kissed his head. “What are you two doing here?”
She directed that question at Luke, and he stuffed his hands deep into his pockets, feeling uncomfortable. He didn’t like being in another man’s house, especially when he wasn’t exactly sure how to explain himself.
“We were at the park and Charlie decided he wanted to see you,” Luke told her. “I hope we haven’t interrupted.”
Charlie hung on to his mom’s leg, too preoccupied to chime in and tell her that they were here because Luke had told a strange woman at the park that’s where they were heading.
“Nice place your boss has,” he said.
Olivia smiled and turned back to the kitchen, Charlie trailing after her. “It’s not exactly a bad place to work,” she said over her shoulder. “Do you two want lunch?”
Charlie was already nodding, and Luke just smiled when she turned around to face them.
“How about you both sit down and I’ll whip something up,” she said.
Luke walked around the living room, his eyes picking up on all the things around him. Photos lining one side-piece, the odd painting, plus a few stacks of magazines and a couple of pricey-looking artifacts. Nothing over the top, but everything in the room looked expensive.
He stopped at the cluster of photographs and squinted, not liking what he saw. A handsome, dark-haired man was smiling back at him, his arm slung around a woman. He was in most of the shots, and it didn’t take a genius to work out that the man was the owner of the place.
“Is this your boss?” Luke asked.
Olivia hardly even looked up. “You mean the one with the pretty blonde? That’s Ricardo with his sister.”
Luke couldn’t help the tight clench of his jaw. She obviously knew the photos intimately and he hated it. He could only hope that she was so familiar with them because she dusted around them regularly, not because she liked looking at her boss.
Jealousy wasn’t an emotion Luke was familiar with, and he wasn’t liking it at all.
“Lunch is ready.”
He forced a smile and walked to the counter, trying to ignore the soft sway of his wife’s hips, the way she smiled as their son ate his crusts, and the shine in her eye when she laughed. Olivia might be Luke’s wife, but he had no right to be jealous of the people she knew, or who was in her life right now. But seeing her boss, acknowledging his jealousy toward him, was only making Luke want to fight all the more for what he’d lost.
Olivia was struggling not to smile as she finished her work. Charlie often came with her while she was here, but he usually played with his toys or pestered her about what he could do and when they’d be leaving. It was different having Luke here with him.
He’d taken Charlie out for a walk, then come back to wait for her. The two of them were hanging out on the sofa, Charlie tucked into the crook of Luke’s arm, yabbering away. And now that she’d finished dinner for tonight and tomorrow, she was ready to go.
“Mommy, can we take Dad to the ice cream shop?”
Olivia laughed. It seemed that Charlie thought his dad was a playmate rather than a grown-up.
“Sure,” she called out. “Just let me rinse this cloth out and we’re out of here.”
“Anything I can do to help?”
Olivia drew in a deep breath. Luke was watching her, his eyes trained on hers. Too close for her not to feel jittery. “Uh, no, I’m just about done.”
He nodded. “Okay, I’ll tidy up the cushions on the sofa and get Charlie’s sweater on.”
Now it was Olivia who was nodding. She didn’t trust her voice. When Luke was at a distance, with Charlie, anywhere so that she was the one observing him rather than being up close and personal, she was fine. Close range turned her into a ball of knots.
She took one last look around, flicked the light switch and walked toward her son. “Let’s go.”
They stepped into the elevator and Olivia found it hard to breathe. Being with Luke like this, as if nothing was wrong, as if they’d always been this way, was making her uncomfortable. Because it felt as if they were living a temporary lie. With lies always came hurt, and she knew she had more of that coming, by the bucket load.
As they walked out onto the sidewalk, side by side with Charlie in the middle, Olivia couldn’t help thinking how normal they must look to passersby. A mommy and daddy out for a nice afternoon with their child, without any hint of their dysfunctional reality.
“Swing me!” demanded Charlie.
That made Olivia smile. He always wanted to be swung, but she rarely had another adult with her to do it.
“Come on, then,” she agreed.
Charlie held up both hands. She grasped one, then looked over at Luke. He appeared confused.
“We have to each hold one hand, then swing him forward as we walk,” she explained.
Luke did as he was told, but Olivia could see from the look on his face that he had no idea what it was all about. She guessed he’d never had anyone swing him as a kid.
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Soraya Lane
In the Special Forces Luke Brown was trained for anything except being a husband and father. After two years away, he wasn’t expecting his wife to welcome him open-armed, but he wasn’t anticipating divorce papers either. But Luke isn’t going to walk away again – and he’s determined to win back his wife and child!
“Is it almost time, Mommy?”
Olivia looked over at her son. His ruffled blond locks and paint-stained fingers tugged something inside her, and the worry started to knot in her stomach again.
“Not long now, honey. He’ll be here soon.”
She moved over to sit with her son and squeezed his hand.
“Will I like him?”
“Your dad? Of course! You’ll love him, Charlie.”
Her boy nodded and twisted his mouth into a smile. “Will he like me?”
Olivia laughed and gave him a soft play-punch on the arm. “Have you ever met anyone who didn’t adore you?”
Charlie jumped up then, his eyes wide. “Did you hear that?”
Olivia’s eyes fluttered shut for a heartbeat. Yes, she’d heard it, and if it wasn’t for her son she might just have fled the scene. When they opened, she was sitting at the table alone. The Welcome Home Daddy poster lay spread out in front of her, splotches of paint and glitter a blur to her eyes.
This was it.
In less than thirty seconds, if the slam of a car door was anything to go by, her husband would be stepping back into her life. Would be seeing his son for the first time in two years.
Dear Reader,
When I decided to write this book, it was almost reluctantly. The last time I wrote a “marriage in jeopardy” story, I found it to be an incredibly challenging task, and this book was no different. Why? Because I was dealing with two characters with a shared and emotional history together, and I wanted to find a way for them to fall in love all over again. That meant dealing with their painful past, allowing them to forgive, and then creating a way for them to have a happy-ever-after again as husband and wife.
In this story, Luke Brown is a successful military man, capable of doing whatever it takes to complete a mission. But at home, he struggles with being the husband he wants to be, and the father that he knows his son deserves. The only thing he’s sure about is that he’d do anything to turn back time and try to make things work with his wife, and to be in his son’s life … All he has to do is prove it to the woman he left behind two years earlier.
Mission: Soldier to Daddy is part of my HEROES COME HOME series, and if you’ve missed any of my military-themed books, be sure to visit my website for details on where to find them—www.sorayalane.com.
Soraya
About the Author
Writing for Mills & Boon
Cheris
is truly a dream come true for SORAYA LANE. An avid reader and writer since her childhood, Soraya describes becoming a published author as “the best job in the world,” and hopes to be writing heartwarming, emotional romances for many years to come.
Soraya lives with her own real-life hero on a small farm in New Zealand, surrounded by animals and with an office overlooking a field where their horses graze.
For more information about Soraya and her upcoming releases, visit her at her website, www.sorayalane.com, her blog, www.sorayalane.blogspot.com, or follow her on Facebook.
Mission:
Soldier
to Daddy
Soraya Lane
www.millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk)
For Hamish.
CHAPTER ONE
A BUTTERFLY-SOFT SHIVER ran down Olivia Brown’s spine. After all this time, she was scared of seeing her husband again. Scared of being confronted with the reality of the man who’d left her, and scared of how their son would react. Had she been right not to meet him at the airport?
“Is it almost time, Mommy?”
Olivia looked over at her son. His ruffled blond locks and paint-stained fingers tugged something inside her, and the worry started to knot in her stomach again.
“Not long now, honey. He’ll be here soon.”
She moved over to sit with her son, and squeezed his hand.
“Will I like him?”
“Your dad? Of course! You’ll love him, Charlie.”
Her boy nodded and twisted his mouth into a smile. “Will he like me?”
Olivia laughed and gave him a playful punch on the arm. “Have you ever met anyone who didn’t adore you?”
Charlie jumped up then, his eyes wide. “Did you hear that?”
Olivia’s eyes fluttered shut for a heartbeat. Yes, she’d heard it, and if it wasn’t for her son she might just have fled the scene. When her eyes opened again, she was sitting at the table alone. The Welcome Home Daddy poster lay spread out in front of her, splotches of paint and glitter a blur to her eyes.
This was it.
In less than thirty seconds, if the slam of a car door was anything to go by, her husband would be stepping back into her life. Would be seeing his son for the first time in two years.
“He’s here!”
Charlie’s excited squeal pulled her out of her daydream and she squared her shoulders, determined to stay strong. There was a knock at the door. She moved out into the hallway just as Charlie lunged forward to open it.
Lieutenant Colonel Luke Brown was officially back home.
Olivia watched Charlie tugging open the door, and wiped her palms over her denim jeans. She might not be looking forward to this, but her son sure was.
Charlie was frozen as he looked at the man on the other side of the threshold. The one who’d smiled at them from the fridge these past two years. The one in the photo that Charlie kissed every night before bed. Well, the man himself was standing right on their doorstep, all tanned, toned and handsome, just like he’d always been. Only this time he was in uniform, the starched trousers and jacket hugging his frame.
There was no mistaking it was him, though. His blond hair was cropped short, skin golden as if he’d spent a week on an island. His dark brown eyes—eyes she could never forget even if she tried—staring straight back at her. He stood tall, uncomfortable almost, in his immaculate uniform.
“Daddy!”
Charlie’s delayed yet exuberant outburst broke their stare. Olivia dropped her gaze and watched as her son saw his dad for the first time. Watched as he clutched on to the crisply pressed trousers as if he’d never let go.
“Charlie?” He hated that it was a question.
Luke counted to five in his mind, trying to stop from grabbing his little boy and squeezing the lifeblood from him. He’d waited for this moment for so long, and now this child, with hair the same blond as his own, stood before him, waiting expectantly as if his father would know what to do, when the truth was he had no idea how to even greet him. But he was back now and that’s what counted.
Before he could drop his pack to the ground the tiny body hurtled forward, grabbing him tight around the legs. Luke barely had time to lock eyes with Ollie again, to see the reaction on her face, before he was thrown headfirst into fatherhood.
“I see you’re not shy, huh?” He recovered from the tackle enough to straighten, bag dropped to the ground, one hand on his son’s head. “Thought you’d be big enough for a handshake by now.”
Charlie jumped back, saluting his dad, a grin plastered on his face. Luke responded in kind, straight-faced, at his boy pretending to be a soldier.
“You’ve been taking good care of the little soldier, huh?” Luke turned his attention back to his wife.
Olivia stood in the hall, her slender body braced by the wall. His eyes flicked over her, at the long honey-brown hair falling over her shoulders, at the slim arms crossed over her chest, and the sad blue eyes staring back at him. He hated seeing her like that. Knowing he was responsible for the sadness in her gaze.
“Aagghh! The poster!” Charlie spun around and motored down the hall past his mom, disappearing from sight. Luke watched for a moment, then stepped inside and closed the door behind him.
“How are you, Ollie?”
He stood at ease, feet spread evenly. His hands slipped into his pockets as he watched her—watched those beautiful, big blue eyes that were looking straight back at him.
“It’s good to have you back, Luke.”
Olivia’s voice was strained. He tried to ignore it, but it hit him hard. He had imagined this day for a long time, thought about what he’d say and how he’d apologize to her. But now that he was here, expressing himself wasn’t coming as easily as he’d hoped.
“It’s good to be home.” Should he close the distance between them and kiss her? Hug her and say “sorry”? He almost made himself laugh. What would he pick to say sorry for? Leaving her when he’d promised to stay? His royal failure at being a husband, or for being the world’s worst father?
“He’s been so excited about seeing you.” Olivia gestured with her head as a thunder of footfalls echoed their way. “He hardly slept a wink all night.”
Luke understood. How could he not? His son was excited to have him home, his wife wasn’t. He didn’t deserve anything more, but it still hurt.
“He’s sure turned into a pretty special kid.”
“Welcome home!” Charlie stood at his mom’s side, arms stretched wide with the homemade poster. Luke looked at Olivia first, then at Charlie, and he wished things could have been different. That he’d been away a few months, maybe six. That he was coming home to a real family, to a wife who loved him still. The kind of family he had wished for over and over when he was a child.
“I love it,” he said, dropping to his knees to inspect the picture. “You did great, kid.”
His son beamed and grabbed his hand, tugging him in the direction he’d come from. “Come on, Dad.”
Luke looked over his shoulder at Ollie and almost wished he’d stayed away. This was harder than he’d expected, and then some. He’d come home to see his son, but looking at his wife, he was wishing he’d made more of an effort in that department, too. More than an effort, he wished he’d taken the time to make things right.
When Luke looked back at her, gave her that soft smile he used to throw her way so often, Olivia almost broke down, but she was determined not to cry. She had to be strong for their son. It was all that mattered right now.
After all this time, of wishing Luke would come home, to almost wishing he’d never come back into their lives again, he was here. And she had to deal with it.
Those first few months had been the hardest, but then she’d become used to not having her husband around. She’d met other moms, new friends, fitted in in a way she hadn’t thought possible. Developed a new life, like a widow. And regretted all the times she’d raised her voice at her husband, when she should have tried listening to him instead.
She’d well and truly prepared for the fact that he might never come home. Until now. His dedication to the army was something to be proud of, but the way he’d hurt her wasn’t.
Olivia walked bravely into the living room and watched her son, rabbiting on to his father and dumping toys all over the ground as if he was playing show-and-tell. Luke had taken his jacket off and lay spread out on the floor, his uniformed legs eating up the carpet, white undershirt a contrast to the charcoal weave.
She ached to reach out and touch him, no matter how much she hated herself for thinking that, but he was just so damn gorgeous. So handsome, and the memories she had of him were so good. It was as if she needed to make contact with his skin to prove that he was here. Alive. In their house.
But reuniting with Luke wasn’t a possibility. The thrum of hurt still ached like a constant thud, and having him back only made the pain more real. She couldn’t do it again. Not now. She’d finally rebuilt her life, and if she lost him again she’d never recover.
The divorce papers were in her bag; she just had to decide when to tell him. She was sure he’d given up on their marriage long before she had, so now it was just time to make it official.
“Okay, time to let me talk to your mom, okay?” she heard him tell Charlie.
Olivia turned to see Luke pull his big frame up to full height.
“Coffee?” she asked, busying herself in the kitchen for something to do.
He nodded and sat down across from her. She sensed him watching her as she dropped instant coffee into each cup. Scooped sugar into her mug, then refilled the dispenser—anything to avoid his gaze.
“Nice place here.”
Olivia paused and looked at him. “I had to move. It just wasn’t practical to stay in the old house.” Her voice had a bite to it. A snap she hadn’t intended.
Luke raised his hands. “I didn’t mean anything by it. You don’t have to explain.”
Heat hit her cheeks and she turned to pour boiling water into each cup. Of course he hadn’t meant anything by it. She was just jittery and jumping to conclusions.
“Luke, I …” She placed the mug in front of him and tried to find the words.
He reached out to her, catching her wrist as she let one hand rest on the counter. The simple press of his skin against hers made her pull away, recoil. But it also made her flush with something other than anger. Because she still wanted Luke, no matter how much she tried to make herself think otherwise.
“You don’t have to say anything. This is hard for me, too, Ollie.”
No! she wanted to scream at him. You have no idea how I feel, no idea how lonely I’ve been, how some nights I just wished you were dead, so I could move on with my life.
There had been times when she’d almost wished the worst would happen to him, even though the guilt of her thoughts would later eat away at her. But the way things had ended between them, the regrets she had for what she’d said and done, the pain from his actions, had pushed her to the edge.
She stood and sipped her coffee, hand shaking ever so slightly. Luke did the same, but he didn’t look back at her. Instead he stared into the black liquid, eyes down. She hoped he couldn’t read her thoughts.
“Mommy?”
Charlie’s voice pulled her back to reality. A welcome relief to the strained feeling between her and Luke.
“Can we go outside?”
She glanced at Luke and he nodded, taking a few quick sips of his drink before standing. Charlie looked innocent, his head on a slight angle as if he wasn’t sure what was happening.
“Let’s go kick a ball or something, huh?” Luke suggested.
Ollie watched as he took Charlie’s hand. Watched as they walked from the room and out the door, father and son.
Luke was all muscle—lean and toned. A bit on the thin side, but handsome and strong nonetheless. Her body still yearned for him, and so did her heart, but things were different now. He’d broken his promise and left her, and she could never forgive him for ending things. She had to protect herself and her son.
It wasn’t that she didn’t believe in patriotism. She did. But she also believed in family. A soldier didn’t just walk out on his family, no matter what. Not like Luke had. Could she ever trust him not to leave Charlie again?
“He’s out cold.”
Luke sat back down at the table and poured himself another glass of wine. He hadn’t drunk more than the odd beer in years, but this was at least helping him deal with being back.
Ollie looked up at him, and he resisted the urge to reach out. To touch her and remember what things had once been like for them. He knew it was a lot to expect, her having him here, but it wasn’t as if they were pretending to be together again. Except maybe just a little, to keep things uncomplicated for their son.
“Why didn’t you call, Luke?”
If he could have hung his head any lower, he would have. He’d been a lousy husband and an even worse dad, and he had no excuse. But her question still made him feel like dirt. Luke took another sip of wine and stared back at her.
“We were lucky to hear from you every other month.”
He frowned. “It was hard to make contact.” He knew it sounded phony, and the truth was he should have made more of an effort, but … damn it! He knew he’d stuffed up, and it wasn’t something he’d wanted to do.
“Bull!” She stood with a thump, glaring at him as she swore. “Don’t lie to me, Luke. You had a little boy here who cried for his daddy night after night, and you couldn’t make the effort to call more? He’s had to grow up without even remembering or knowing who you were.”
Luke stayed seated. He was not going to argue with her. Not on his first night home. Not like they used to. But at one point, when he had been at his lowest, that’s what he’d wanted: for Charlie to forget him so he never knew the pain of loss.
“Keep your voice down, Ollie. You’ll wake Charlie,” he said.
“How dare you!” she growled. “I’ve kept my voice down every night, doing nothing but look after our son. He’s been my life, Luke. While you’ve been off fighting for our country, I’ve been fighting for our son. For me. For our family.” She paused and glared at him, her voice dropping an octave. “While you decided not to give a damn.”
Her eyes were full of tears. Luke looked away. He couldn’t watch her. Couldn’t bear to see the sadness, the emptiness in her eyes. Worst of all, he knew she was right.
“I know it’s been hard for you.…”
The silence that stretched between them seemed to drain the air of oxygen. But it wasn’t just his fault, was it? Ollie hadn’t exactly acted as if she’d wanted him to stay, and he’d never forgotten it.
“You have no idea how hard it’s been, Luke. Don’t even try to understand. I was here alone, with a little boy who deserved a father.” Her voice cracked. “It wasn’t that you left me, it was that you left our son.”
Luke stood and walked into the kitchen. He couldn’t hide behind the excuse of being a soldier any longer, and Ollie was right. His son didn’t deserve to grow up without a dad, and he knew firsthand why. Because it was how he’d grown up, and he’d come home to make sure history didn’t repeat itself, that his son knew him.
“Olivia, I’m sorry. I am.”
“You forget that I’ve been around army wives for the last two years.” Olivia was standing behind him in the kitchen now, her voice still laced with tears. “They had calls at least every month, once a week even, and their husbands took leave and came home, even if it was only a few days. With your rank … Oh, I don’t even know anymore, Luke. But I do know that you could have done more.”
He looked back at his wife, ashamed. Walking out had been the easy option for him when things had become difficult, and he’d taken it. When their son had refused to sleep, when his wife had never believed he would have married her unless she was pregnant, knowing that he could die on deployment and leave his boy without a dad, just as he’d experienced …
“It was too hard to talk to you, Ollie. Charlie, too. It was easier not to.” It was a struggle to push the words out, to make himself be honest with her. “You have no idea how many times I picked up a phone, how many times I wanted to talk to you and couldn’t go through with it.”
“Yeah, well, maybe you should have.”
By the time he looked back up, she was gone.
Luke dropped his head into his hands, eyes shut. Maybe if they hadn’t gotten pregnant so soon, if they hadn’t rushed into marriage, things would have been different. Maybe they never would have married at all. But all that mattered right now was making it up to his son, and proving to him that he was here for him, that he was committed to being his dad.
Because this time he had no intention of walking away.
CHAPTER TWO
CHARLIE’S HEAD APPEARED next to the bed and Luke squinted at the bedside clock. It was 2:00 a.m.
“Hey, buddy.” He reached out a hand and touched Charlie’s head. Luke didn’t know what else to do. He’d never really been around kids, not even his own.
His son blinked at him, big brown eyes peering down at him as the little boy leaned closer.
“Can I get into bed with you?” Charlie whispered.
“Uh, yeah, I guess.”
Luke pulled the covers back. He hated that he didn’t know what to do. Should he send him back to his own bed? Cuddle him? What?
Now Charlie was snuggling hard against him, and Luke knew there was no going back. He put his arm out, feeling awkward. Not sure what to say, to his own son.
“Daddy?”
Luke swallowed. Daddy. It was a name he’d dreamed of being called for two long years, but now he didn’t know how to even be a dad. When he’d left, Charlie had been so young, and now Luke could see how much he’d missed out on. “Yes, Charlie?”
“I love you.”
“Well, uh, I love you, too.” Luke choked. He tried to swallow again. Thank God it was dark and his son couldn’t see him.
“You won’t go away again, will you, Daddy?”
“No, bud.” He held his son close, fighting back tears. Truth was, he didn’t know when he’d be going away again, but he wasn’t going to let his son know that. It was what he did—the army called and he had to jump to attention. He’d tried to think otherwise sometimes, that maybe he could change vocation, but being a soldier was what he did, and he did it damn well. He had a few months without having to leave, and then he didn’t know what he was going to do. Or how he was going to leave things here.
“I like having a dad.”
Great. Talk about pulling on his heartstrings. Luke pushed away the feelings he’d tried so long to keep hidden—the guilt of leaving his son and repeating the cycle. Of letting his own child go through what he’d been through, what he’d struggled with his whole life: growing up without a dad and wishing like hell his life could have been different. But then, deep down, he’d rather Charlie not even know his dad than lose him and remember what he’d lost for the rest of his life. Like he had.
He’d gone all these years in the army without crying, and now he was on the verge of turning into a blubbering baby.
“Will you ever sleep in Mom’s bed?”
That made him smile. “Let’s hope so, kiddo.”
He knew it was a lie, a fib at a stretch. Ollie was never going to let him back in her bed, and although it was tempting to think about being under the sheets with her, that wasn’t why he was here. He’d come home for his son, to get to know the boy, not with any illusions that Ollie would take him back. Things had been strained between them, and he’d helped their marriage go from bad to worse.
“Do you have a night-light?”
Had someone taught his son interrogation techniques? “Let’s get some sleep, huh?”
Luke snuggled him even closer, tucking his son’s little body into his.
Maybe he could do this whole dad routine. He only wished he could have gotten a handle on the husband part, too.
Ollie pressed against the door and tried to ignore the tears leaving a wet trail down her cheeks. She should have walked away as soon as she’d heard Charlie talking to his dad, but instead she’d stood and listened.
She’d risen, so in tune with her son and used to him getting up in the night. Part of her loved that he’d gone in to see his dad, but part of her hated it, too—that for the first time he’d gone to someone else instead of climbing into bed with her. They’d had over two years together, she and Charlie, just the two of them, and changing that was hard.
Ollie walked silently back down to her room and crawled into bed. But those words kept playing over and over in her mind. Will you ever sleep in Mommy’s bed? The man who’d driven her crazy, made her fall so in love with him after such a short time together, and now they were like strangers. Would he have ever come back if it wasn’t for Charlie? Would she have deserved it? Because no matter what she said or felt, part of the blame in their marriage breaking down was her doing. And it was time she admitted it.
Ollie squeezed her eyes shut and tried to find sleep, but she had a feeling that slumber wasn’t going to be quite that simple. Kind of like her marriage.
The noise in the living room woke Ollie before she was ready to open her eyes. What was going on out there?
She rose, checked the drawstring on her pajama bottoms and pulled her tank top into line.
“Mommy!”
Charlie charged her, just about taking her pants down with her as he tugged her along. The remnants of a train track were sprawled in every direction. Railcars and engines added to the carnage.
“Morning.”
She looked up from the train wreck and into the kitchen. Luke stood there bare-chested, in just his boxer shorts. She took in a deep breath and self-consciously ran a hand through her bed hair. Damn. Taut, tanned torso, a sprinkling of hair on his chest that arrowed down into his shorts … She’d forgotten how good he looked without his clothes on.
Ollie ran her focus up his body again and met twinkling eyes. She quickly diverted her gaze.
“Breakfast?” He gestured with his head and she took a step forward to peer into the kitchen.
“He’s making pancakes, Mom. Pancakes!”
Charlie scooted up to Luke and hung off him as if they were glued together, not shy of his dad at all.
“Your favorite, huh?”
He grinned. “How many you going to have, Mom?”
She gave her son a smile before meeting Luke’s gaze. Ollie knew how dreadful she probably looked, all mussed from bed. When they’d first met she’d worn sexy teddies, not gingham pj’s.
“I’m just going to jump in the shower. Save me a couple, okay, Charlie?’
She directed her words to him to avoid conversation with Luke, but doubted her son had even heard her. He was yabbering away to his dad a hundred miles a minute, and Luke was flipping pancakes to exuberant yelps of excitement.
Ollie left the room and flopped down onto her bed, exhausted already. She’d hardly slept a wink and now her stranger husband was making breakfast for their son, and she had no idea what to do. What her role even was right now.
She knew the reality was that the man she’d married had been a soldier, and going away had been part of the deal, but he’d swept her off her feet and made her forget all that. Until she’d gotten pregnant and he’d proposed, and everything had slowly started to unravel. Because she’d never truly believed that he would have married her otherwise, and because the night before she’d found out she actually was pregnant, Luke had told her that he never, ever wanted to be a dad.
Luke’s dedication to the army had seemed so exciting when she’d first met him. But doubt had gnawed at her for so many months, and then with a difficult baby and no one to help her through the tough times, she’d snapped. More than once. And eventually, Luke had walked out the door and never come back.
“What do you say we head to the park?”
She watched Luke smile at Charlie as he leaped up, jumping around, no doubt hyper from all the sugar in their breakfast.
“I’m not sure,” said Ollie. “I’ve got to get to work.”
She sighed. Her husband and son looked up at her like sad puppies.
“What do you usually do with Charlie?” Luke asked.
Ollie scooped up their coffee mugs and sticky maple-syrup-covered plates and took them into the kitchen. “He comes to work with me. Ricardo’s pretty relaxed about Charlie tagging along.”
“Ricardo?” Luke’s attention was suddenly focused directly on her, eyes as sharp as a hawk’s.
“My boss. Ricardo Bolton.” She paused and leaned back on the counter. “He’s an attorney. I clean his place, have dinner in the fridge for him, all the general housekeeping type stuff so he can focus on work, and he doesn’t mind if Charlie tags along with me.”
“Right.”
It seemed so weird, having this type of conversation with her husband. Ricardo had become a close friend, but the way Luke was looking at her made her wonder if he thought their relationship was something else.
“And does this Ricardo man know you’re still married?”
Ollie laughed. She hardly remembered she was married sometimes, given her lack of husband.
“He likes Mom,” chirped Charlie, dragging his dad by the hand to reinspect his train set.
Luke picked the boy up, but his attention was still focused on her.
“It’s nothing like that,” she said, but her cheeks heated, giving her away. She’d always been a terrible liar. Her son had meant nothing by it, couldn’t have meant anything by it, but the implication was obvious. And for some stupid reason she felt guilty about it.
“What about your drawing? You were still doing some illustrating before I left.”
“Ricardo’s a great employer and we needed the extra money. No time to waste on dreams anymore,” she told him.
Ollie smiled at Luke before turning to the dishes. She felt no attraction whatsoever to Ricardo, but he was always making it clear that he’d like her to be more than just the housekeeper. Something she had no intention of ever agreeing to, but at least he made her feel wanted.
“Maybe I’ll take Charlie to the park while you go to work,” Luke suggested.
She nodded, but Luke had already turned away, his attention back on the toy box that Charlie was enthusiastically tipping upside down, to better show his dad what was inside.
Part of her, just a tiny part, wished that her husband had walked in their door and made the same sort of fuss over her as he was over his son. That they could start over, have fun again. But in her heart, she knew it was over. For good.
CHAPTER THREE
LUKE LOOKED ACROSS the dinner table, trying to figure out how to say what had to be said. He’d already been here a day, and the longer he took to talk to his wife, the harder it was going to get. Charlie was in bed, so it was now or never. He might not have come home with the intention of righting his marriage, but now that he was here it was all he could think about.
“Ollie, I need to get a few things off my chest.”
She placed her knife and fork neatly on the plate before looking up, her gaze fixed on him.
“What you said yesterday was right. I should have called more, made more of an effort. All I can say is that I’m sorry.” He paused. “I’m just not good at this sort of thing.”
The silence between them was painful.
“What makes you think I am?” Ollie asked, looking down then back up at him. “It wasn’t like I was great at talking or listening before you left.”
Luke didn’t know what to say. He watched her, his wife, and wondered how things had gotten to this point. How he’d let her slip away. She was the best thing that had ever happened to him, and instead of admitting that he’d run like a scared rabbit, because it had been easier than dealing with whatever had been going on with them. “Is there any way we can make this work, for Charlie’s sake?”
Ollie just stared at him, her mouth pursed, eyebrows forming an angry frown. He’d expected to take her by surprise, but he hadn’t expected that look.
Besides, he’d said the wrong thing. It wasn’t just for Charlie’s sake, it was because he still loved her, and instead of telling her that he’d managed to insult her.
Luke wanted to hold her, talk to her, listen to what she had to say, as he used to do. But it was as if there was nothing left between them, and asking for a second chance wasn’t something he knew how to do.
“I’m sorry,” he said.
“Sorry’s not good enough, Luke.”
Ollie wanted to hit him, curse at him, yell—but she couldn’t. Fight, that’s what she wanted. To fight him, argue, get it all out, but she didn’t want to go down that path again, because if she thought of the months before Luke had gone, the weeks right before he’d left, that’s all she could remember. Picking fights, wanting to punish him somehow for telling her he didn’t want to be a dad, instead of making him open up to her and explain why.
Their marriage was over; she knew that. But it was time they discussed their problems like the adults they were, instead of the young kids they’d been when they’d married.
“Charlie needs both his parents, Luke, but us being together isn’t a reality.”
Luke watched her, giving nothing away. Then he sighed. “I know.”
Give him a star for trying, but even he knew there was no hope. She knew if he was serious about them he would have acted on it sooner. Would have made more of an effort and not let it get to this point. Wouldn’t have walked away in the first place, or would have at least come back before now.
“You walked out on our marriage, Luke. I know I was partly to blame, but I would never, ever have walked away from you.”
He nodded, palms flat on the table, his foot tapping insistently on the floor as if he wanted to get up and walk away right now.
“Luke …” She paused, not sure how to say what she needed to tell him. “Luke, I just don’t know if I could love you anymore.” There, she’d said it. Said the words that had been choking her for weeks, months, years even. A weight lifted like a veil that had been suffocating her. Because what had happened between them had changed everything.
“I understand.” His voice was deep. Full of emotion. “Of course I understand.”
She paused again, pushing her fears back down her throat, sucking back the tears. “Then what are we doing here? Why are we pretending that it’s okay you’re back here staying with us?” Ollie stood up and paused at the window. Touched her head to the cool of the glass.
She felt rather than heard him rise. He was standing behind her. Every hair on her body stood at attention, aware of him being so close. Too close.
“We’re married, Ollie. We have a son. That does still mean something.”
Ollie turned, her eyes locking hard on to his. She knew it meant something, but he couldn’t just walk back into their lives and expect her to fall in a heap at his feet. She had to protect her own heart, and her son’s. It wasn’t just about her and Luke anymore. It hadn’t been since Charlie had been born.
“Those things aren’t enough to make us work. To make this work. We need to be good parents, nothing more. What we had has gone, and we don’t need to stay married for Charlie to be happy.”
Tears flowed freely down her cheeks. She acknowledged their cold, wet presence and didn’t try to stop them.
“I don’t want him growing up without a family.” Luke punched out the words. “Because then I’d be putting him through what I went through, and I can’t live with that.”
“Neither do I,” she snapped back, unable to hide how angry she was. Luke had made it obvious that she had nothing to do with why he wanted to possibly stay married, but was it just because he didn’t want to repeat his own past, or something more? “Do you really think we could be together again, after all this time of growing apart?”
He shrugged, a noncommittal movement of the shoulders that told her nothing.
“You left me, alone, all that time, and I don’t think I’ll ever get over that.”
“Now you’re being unreasonable!” he bellowed, his soft demeanor disappearing quicker than it had arrived. “I had no choice. You knew my duty when you married me, and things were already bad well before I left.” He shook his head. “When I called and heard your voice on the phone, when I rang and then had to hang up as soon as you answered, I didn’t know where to start, or what I could say.”
“You said you’d leave the army for me, Luke.” She wasn’t ready to admit that their marriage had already been teetering too close to the edge before she’d found out he was leaving. Or to acknowledge the fact that he had tried to call her more often than he had. “You promised. And then you walked out on our marriage like it meant nothing to you.”
“I had to go, Ollie. Leaving my boys over there would have been wrong and you know it.” His voice went soft, low. “But what I did to you, leaving, was unforgivable and not a day has gone past that I haven’t wished things could have been different.”
She knew her last comment had been a low blow; she shouldn’t have said it. But it was what she had held so close for so long. Thought about when she’d lain awake at night, alone, with no husband next to her in the bed. When they’d hit a rough patch he’d taken the easy option and just left, when all she’d wanted was for him to fight for her. No matter what had happened, how hard things had been, all she’d wished for was that he could prove to her that he’d married her for more than just the sake of her being pregnant. That she wasn’t being used by men like her mom had been.
“I can’t do this again, Luke. We can’t make this work.”
She’d only just got over him. Just managed to move on, and now he was asking for what? A second chance? Was he just trying to make sure she’d let him see his son? Because she’d never stop him from being in Charlie’s life.
Luke strode the two steps to stand before her, to tower over her small frame. “No.”
“No?”
“You heard me.” His voice was determined now, commanding rather than questioning. “I did my duty, served my country. The way I left you makes me a crappy husband, but it doesn’t mean I don’t deserve a chance to at least be a better dad, Ollie.”
Ollie stayed silent. She didn’t trust her voice. She should have been grateful that it was his son he wanted, but a little voice cried out in her mind, because it would have felt so good to know he wanted her, too. To hear him say he’d do anything to be back in her life again.
“I want to be there for Charlie.”
“But, Luke …” Her voice cracked as he reached out one hand to steady her shaking arm.
Her voice was barely a whisper when she finally spoke again. “I can’t put us in a position to be left again. You need to prove yourself to me, Luke, and to Charlie, before you can be his full-time dad. Right now you’re like a new toy, but how long before the batteries fail and you’re gone again?”
She held his gaze, kept her chin high. She was not going to allow her heart to be broken again. This was it, and she couldn’t take a chance on trusting him when she didn’t know how long he’d be here, and how long he’d be gone next time. It had been too easy for him to leave, and now he’d come back to them, hoping to start again.
“I want a divorce, Luke.” The words were hard to say, but she had to tell him. Because if she didn’t she’d be kidding herself and him.
“A divorce?” He stepped back as if she’d hit him.
“I’m sorry,” she sobbed, tears making it hard to speak as she walked away. “I just can’t do this. Not again. What we had didn’t work, Luke, and we both need to understand that.”
All Olivia had ever wanted was a family of her own, a husband who loved her, but that fantasy was past its use-by date. It was just her and Charlie, and she couldn’t let Luke thunder back into their lives like a tornado. Charlie needed a father who hung around, or was at least a whole lot better at staying in touch when he wasn’t.
“Olivia.”
She heard Luke say her name, but she didn’t want to turn around.
“Olivia, please.”
But there were no words he could say right now to change how she felt.
CHAPTER FOUR
OLLIE’S CHEEKS HURT. She could hear her own laughter echoing around them as Luke twirled her, over and over again.
“Stop!”
He drew her in, hard against him, his muscled body tight against hers.
“Say you love me.”
“Luke, let go of me!” She squirmed in his arms.
“Say it, baby, or I’ll toss you in the water.”
He lifted her off her feet so only her toes trailed on the sand, and started walking her toward the ocean.
“I love you, I love you!” she cried, her arms around his neck.
“Too late.”
She started to tell him off, to swat at him, but he dropped her into the water, diving in himself. Her hair was plastered to her face, mascara dripped into her eyes, but she still couldn’t stop smiling.
He resurfaced. “Come here often?”
Luke lay next to her, half floating on his stomach, and pushed his hair off his face. Water fell from his dark lashes, and she felt herself fall apart. Those brown eyes looked straight through her, past her insecurities and worries, straight into her heart.
“Look what you’ve done to me.” She giggled, rubbing beneath her eyes. “I’m a mess.”
“You,” he said, kissing her nose, “are—” another kiss “—not a mess.”
She kissed him back then, their wet lips pressed together, her hands in his hair.
“I do love you, Luke.”
“I know, honey, I know.”
Ollie woke with a fright. It was just a dream. She wanted to cry, sob her heart out, because here she was, dreaming about the man she’d fallen head over heels in love with, the only man she’d ever loved, who was so close yet so far away. Her own husband, in the spare room, so near that she could wake him just by thudding on the wall. But not the same man he’d been back then.
Her heart stilled, but she was rattled. It was always the same dream. The day she’d gotten pregnant, the one time they hadn’t used protection. The same day she’d decided that Luke was the man of her dreams, before everything had slowly started to unravel.
A gentle tap made her stare at the door. Charlie would never knock; he would just come marching on in.
Ollie slipped out of bed and pulled on her robe, checking to see she had everything covered. She took a deep breath before opening the door.
“Hey.” It was Luke. Who else had she expected?
“Hey,” she whispered back.
She didn’t know if it was the dream or just the time of night, but she couldn’t take her eyes from his face. His hair, his lips, the stubble on his jaw. Just like he used to look. Yet somehow even better.
“Are you okay?” he asked.
Her eyebrows knotted. Why wouldn’t she be okay? It was the middle of the night. “Ah, sure, I’m fine.”
Luke looked uncomfortable. “It’s just, I heard you calling out. Must have been a dream.”
This time it was Ollie who was uncomfortable. Her stomach churned as if she’d eaten something bad. “Mmm,” she mumbled, “must have.”
“Okay, well, I’ll, uh, head back to bed then.”
Ollie watched him, her embarrassment starting to fade. There had been a time when she would have told Luke anything, had thought they would be in love and happy forever. And looking at him now, she almost felt they had gone back. Gone back to when they were dating, to the early days of her pregnancy, before they’d realized that maybe they’d rushed into marriage, that things weren’t so easy with a newborn baby. That they hadn’t talked through their pasts or their problems enough, before making such a massive commitment to one another.
She took in the pajama bottoms, the bare chest, the trail of hair that skewered from his belly button as he turned back to face her. He was standing there, just looking at her, not moving.
“Ollie …” His voice trailed off.
“Yes?” She waited expectantly, desperate for him to say something, anything.
His swift movement took her by surprise. She gasped, eyes locked on his as he pulled her tight against him, pressed his lips hard onto hers. She knew she was rigid, fought it, but as she softened into him, melted into his arms, he, too, softened the kiss. Moved his lips over hers so delicately that she thought her legs would buckle.
It was over too quick. He pulled away and took a step back, his eyes tracing her face, looking for an answer.
“I never stopped thinking about you, Ollie,” he said, his voice low and husky. “I never, ever stopped wondering how the hell things had gone so wrong. How I’d managed to wreck what we had, and wished we could just go back in time.”
She stood there, mute, hand raised to her lips. What could she say to that? He’d sure had a bad way of showing how he felt.
“Luke, I …”
“No.” He said the word firmly. “Don’t say anything. Just promise you won’t give up on us, not yet. Let’s give it one more go. I might not deserve it, but let me try to make it up to you, Ollie.”
Olivia stayed still. She didn’t know what to say, anyway. She loved the memory of him, loved the look of the man standing in front of her, but she didn’t know if she actually loved him now or not. Didn’t know if she could ever truly forgive him, or trust him not to leave her. Did he still want her, or was it just for Charlie’s sake that he wanted to try again?
“I’m going to make you trust me, but first you have to say you’ll give me a chance.”
“Luke, I already have the divorce papers.”
“Give me a month, Ollie, or two. After that, I’ll sign the papers.” The look on his face told her he was being honest, that he genuinely believed it was worth trying. “I’ve had a lot of time to think, and I know things ended badly between us, but we’re married and we have a son. That counts for something. I know it and you know it.”
She bit down on her bottom lip, eyes on him. He was staring at her with that deep, brooding look. The sort of look she hadn’t seen on his face other than the day Charlie had been born.
“There’s something about being back here that makes me think we could be a family. For real.”
“You will actually be here for a whole month?” she asked.
He’d never said how long he was back for, never said when he’d be needed again. She didn’t know anything other than he was “off duty” for a while.
Luke just stared at her, unblinking. “I promise I’m here for a while. I haven’t signed up for anything else yet, and I’m owed a decent amount of time off.”
Could she do it? Actually put her heart on the line and give him a second chance? Believe what he was telling her? Change her mind and actually say yes to him?
“So what do you say?” Luke asked.
“Okay,” she whispered. Only because she wanted to see if he could change her mind.
“One month?” he asked.
As long as it takes. “Let’s just see how we go,” she answered.
Luke backed away from her, edging slowly down the hall. She was planted on the spot, her feet powerless to walk away even if she’d wanted to. What she would give to have pulled him into her room, to have made love to him just like they’d had crazy, passionate sex on the beach in her dream.
But he was right. Maybe they did have to give it a chance, for Charlie’s sake. But he was going to have to prove to her that he deserved a second chance before she ever let him back in. It had been so long, and she knew he was probably full of conflict from his time abroad. He could just as easily take flight and leave her all over again, and this time he would leave a heartbroken kid behind, too.
She was strong, so she could see him leave now and force a wall over her heart. But Charlie couldn’t. Her boy would be affected forever if he fell in love with his dad and then he left, but she didn’t have any control over that. She could stop Luke from affecting her, but he had rights to his son, and she wasn’t going to stand in his way. Yet.
Luke tried his hardest not to look back over his shoulder. He balled one fist as he walked, turning into his room as if he was marching. His body rigid.
He had come home with no intention of a reconciliation—no intention of asking for Ollie back. What he’d wanted was to be there for his son. But being home, spending time with his boy and being around his wife was driving him crazy. His perfect little family was still within his grasp, and he had to grab hold as quickly as he could to avoid losing them. Forever.
He’d never stopped regretting leaving them the first time, but they’d all been so young. Charlie had been so difficult, and Ollie had seemed determined to push Luke away. He’d panicked over being a dad, struggled for so long without being able to talk to his wife about it without her exploding, and then he’d joined his unit and never come home. Been promoted to a Special Operations task force and tried not to look back.
But right now he had a chance, and he wasn’t going to walk away again without trying. All his life he’d been told he wasn’t good enough, had grown up thinking he didn’t deserve a family, that there was a reason he’d been left, that the way he’d been treated in foster care was normal. But he had a chance now to right the wrongs he’d made, to give his son the kind of home he’d wanted so bad as a kid, and to make things right with his wife. To stop being afraid of what if and live in the now.
All he needed to do was figure out how.
Ollie kept her hands busy with dinner and her ears on Luke. It wasn’t an easy conversation to be having, she’d give him that, but he owed it to Charlie to be straight with him. And if Luke hadn’t told him, then it would have been left to her—again.
“I know I said I wouldn’t leave you, bud, but it’s, well, it’s tricky.”
Charlie was pouting. He didn’t throw tantrums often, but she was starting to think this could turn into one.
“But you said,” he whined.
Now Ollie was sure they were moving into meltdown territory.
“Okay, I’ll make you a promise,” she heard Luke say.
Charlie jumped to attention then, his frown disappearing, but Ollie had one hover across her lips instead. The last thing she needed was to deal with a broken promise. She bit down on her lip, determined not to interfere.
“I promise that I’ll tell you where I’m going and for how long, if I go away. And I’ll phone you while I’m gone,” Luke said.
Ollie pretended to toss the salad, and tried hard to keep her eyes down. Could he keep that promise?
“Really?” Charlie asked.
“Yep, really.” Luke smiled and extended his hand. “Shake and it becomes a real promise. A man’s promise.”
Olivia dropped the serving spoon by mistake. A man’s promise? She didn’t know whether she should be hoping he’d be able to keep it, or annoyed that he’d even made it.
She turned to see Charlie slowly put his hand into his father’s. Trusting. Trusting that he could believe in the big promise his father had just made him.
“See these soldiers?” asked Luke, holding them up for his son to see.
Charlie nodded.
“This one here is a sergeant.” He reached out and placed it in his hand. “This fellow here, well, he’s a private.”
“What are you, Daddy?” Charlie’s question made Ollie’s breath catch in her throat.
“Well, son, I’m a lieutenant colonel, and that means I have to lead my men, to make sure that people like you and Mommy back here are safe. We have to go on special operations.”
Charlie had started out listening to his dad, but now he was walking the soldier figurines around the carpet. But Olivia was listening. How could she not? Because no matter what had happened between them, she was incredibly proud of Luke’s career.
Luke knew Ollie was watching. He’d known all along that she was listening, but he didn’t mind. Part of this promise was about showing her that he was serious about being a dad, but it was a hell of a lot easier to talk to Charlie than to her. Most of all, he just wanted to be honest, and talking didn’t come easy to him.
His men had always trusted him with their lives, but he knew that earning Olivia’s trust would be hard. And he still hadn’t told her the truth about where he’d been and what he had been doing. That he was part of a Special Forces task force, that he’d been immersed in another culture most of the time he’d been away. That he’d never been so terrified in his life, and that when he’d almost died, had come so close to becoming a casualty, all he’d thought of was her.
Luke left Charlie to his playing and joined Ollie in the kitchen. If he was serious about them giving this a real go, then he needed to make an effort. A big effort.
“So, uh, how are you feeling about last night?” Luke cringed at his words. Idiot. Not quite how he’d planned on saying it. Ollie’s face now flushed a deep pink and he looked down at his feet. He never had been very good at this whole talking business.
He looked up and found her fussing with the food she was making, maybe finding this as awkward as he was.
“What’s for dinner?” he asked next.
That at least elicited a smile in his direction.
“Oh, just lasagna with a salad. Nothing much.”
“Just lasagna? Sounds like more than nothing to me.”
“I’ve made dessert, too. Charlie’s favorite.”
Luke hated that he didn’t know what his son liked to eat.
“Chocolate cake,” Ollie said, as if knowing that he was floundering. “Slathered with icing and with a little ice cream on the side.”
“Sounds like we have the same favorites.”
They looked at one another. Luke couldn’t drop his gaze. There was something there, he knew it, something that hadn’t disappeared despite the time that had passed, despite the way things had ended between them. Olivia looked away first, but Luke couldn’t. He kept watching her, wishing that he was one for talking, about his feelings, about what he wanted.
But last night he had, and now he had to prove himself to her, and as easy as it would be to run, to go back to the army, he was going to try his hardest. Not just for Charlie, but because of Olivia. His wife. No more excuses. This time he was going to prove himself and make her believe in him again, and he wasn’t going to let her down.
Because maybe he did deserve it. Maybe he wasn’t destined to fail at being a husband and a dad.
Maybe, just maybe, he could be successful at more than just being a soldier. And maybe he’d come home for Olivia as much as he’d come home for his son.
CHAPTER FIVE
THE COOL WIND made the tiny hairs on Olivia’s arm rise in protest, but she ignored it. All she could think about was Luke, and no matter how hard she tried not to, it was impossible. Every month he’d been away she’d thought about him, so why had she expected it would be different, having him home? Perhaps without Charlie as a constant reminder, it might have been.
Olivia looked up as she reached her employer’s apartment. It was weird arriving on her own, when for almost a year she’d made the walk with a little hand tucked into her own.
“Hello,” she called as she let herself in, just in case Ricardo was home.
She was greeted by silence. Olivia shrugged off her coat and walked into the kitchen, dropping her belongings on the counter. The place was immaculate as usual, just like she’d left it, as if he hadn’t even been home since the last time she’d visited.
Olivia crossed the room, heading for the fridge. She paused to read the note on the counter beside it: “I’d love that homemade pasta sauce for dinner tonight, darling! R.”
Fresh pasta and her tomato and basil sauce. Perfect. Now she could just ponder her thoughts and prepare dinner, on autopilot.
And try again to stop thinking about Luke.
Luke stood at ease as he watched Charlie run around the playground. His son had zoomed down the slide over and over, and was now making a beeline for the jungle gym.
“Come on, Dad.” Charlie waved excitedly for him to follow.
There were plenty of kids around, all doing their own thing, accompanied by their nannies or moms. Luke was the odd man out, but he didn’t care. So long as no one realized he had no idea what he was doing, he’d be fine.
“Daddy! Daddy, look!”
Luke looked up in time to see Charlie hanging upside down, showing all his teeth he was smiling so hard. Luke gulped. This looked like a rescue mission to him.
“Stay still, bud. I’ll get you.” He gritted his teeth and jogged forward.
“Look, look! I’m upside down.”
Luke was looking, just not with the enthusiasm his son seemed to expect. How the hell had Charlie managed to scramble so high? Did Olivia let him do this sort of thing, or was he supposed to stop him?
A manual. He definitely needed a manual.
Charlie wriggled back onto the bars, still grinning, then landed with a thud on both feet.
“What next?”
“As in where are we going next?” Luke asked. Was there somewhere else they were supposed to be going?
“No! What do we play on next?”
A noise from behind him made Luke turn.
“Hi there.” The voice belonged to a pretty brunette.
“Uh, hi.”
“I just wondered if you were new to the area? We haven’t seen you here before.”
Luke followed her nod, and saw that two other young moms were watching them.
“Yeah, new,” he said. “Well, I lived near here for a while before I shipped out.”
“So you’re a soldier?” she asked.
Luke was flattered by the seduction in her voice, but he wasn’t interested. And he wasn’t exactly sure how to make that clear to her. “Yes, ma’am. Just arrived back from offshore.”
She turned around and smiled at her friends. Luke took his chance to change the subject. He reached for Charlie’s hand. His marriage might not be in the best shape right now, but his problems at being a husband had nothing to do with infidelity.
“I’m running a bit late to see my wife, so we’d best be off. Nice to meet you,” he said.
The woman looked disappointed, but she didn’t give up. “I’m Lisa.” She thrust out her hand.
“Nice to meet you, Lisa,” he said firmly. “Have a nice day.”
Luke saw her frown before he turned, but he didn’t care. A hand tugging his reminded him that he wasn’t alone, and that he had better things to worry about than hurting a stranger’s feelings. Especially one as forward as this woman.
“Who was that?” asked Charlie.
“Nobody we’ll ever see again,” said Luke, ruffling his boy’s hair. “You want to have a go on the slide again before we leave?”
“Then we’ll go see Mom?”
Of course. Charlie had heard him say they were off to see Olivia, so he thought that was where they were going.
“I don’t actually know where she works,” Luke admitted.
“I do!” shouted Charlie, taking him by surprise. “Let’s go.”
Luke had no choice but to comply, and he wasn’t complaining. Being dragged around by an almost four-year-old had its benefits, and being lost in the moment was one of them.
Despite trusting that Charlie actually did have a sense of direction, and letting go of his own desire to be in charge, Luke wasn’t feeling all that sure when his boy confidently announced they had arrived at their destination.
“You sure?” He felt silly questioning a kid, but he had no idea if they were at the right apartment or not, and he didn’t even have his wife’s cell phone number to call her and ask.
Charlie nodded and reached on tiptoes to push the buzzer.
Just when Luke was ready to call off the idea, Olivia’s clear voice rang out through the intercom.
“Bolton residence, who is it?”
Luke swallowed. “Olivia?”
“Mom, it’s me! Let us up!”
That solved the problem of explaining why they were there.
“Hey, honey, come on up.”
Luke followed, starting to get used to the idea of being the one who did as he was told, rather than the other way around. Perhaps his son was destined to follow in his footsteps. The idea put a smile on his face as they walked up.
Charlie bounded on ahead and, breathless, jumped into the elevator. “You just push the button and it takes you to the right floor,” he explained.
“Righto.” Luke nodded.
Seconds later the doors swished open and they stepped into an apartment like he’d never seen before. Wow. The guy clearly had plenty of money.
Jealously made Luke grimace, but he shrugged it away. Perhaps if he knew the man wasn’t actually interested in Olivia he’d feel differently.
“Hi, sweetheart!” Ollie enveloped Charlie in her arms and kissed his head. “What are you two doing here?”
She directed that question at Luke, and he stuffed his hands deep into his pockets, feeling uncomfortable. He didn’t like being in another man’s house, especially when he wasn’t exactly sure how to explain himself.
“We were at the park and Charlie decided he wanted to see you,” Luke told her. “I hope we haven’t interrupted.”
Charlie hung on to his mom’s leg, too preoccupied to chime in and tell her that they were here because Luke had told a strange woman at the park that’s where they were heading.
“Nice place your boss has,” he said.
Olivia smiled and turned back to the kitchen, Charlie trailing after her. “It’s not exactly a bad place to work,” she said over her shoulder. “Do you two want lunch?”
Charlie was already nodding, and Luke just smiled when she turned around to face them.
“How about you both sit down and I’ll whip something up,” she said.
Luke walked around the living room, his eyes picking up on all the things around him. Photos lining one side-piece, the odd painting, plus a few stacks of magazines and a couple of pricey-looking artifacts. Nothing over the top, but everything in the room looked expensive.
He stopped at the cluster of photographs and squinted, not liking what he saw. A handsome, dark-haired man was smiling back at him, his arm slung around a woman. He was in most of the shots, and it didn’t take a genius to work out that the man was the owner of the place.
“Is this your boss?” Luke asked.
Olivia hardly even looked up. “You mean the one with the pretty blonde? That’s Ricardo with his sister.”
Luke couldn’t help the tight clench of his jaw. She obviously knew the photos intimately and he hated it. He could only hope that she was so familiar with them because she dusted around them regularly, not because she liked looking at her boss.
Jealousy wasn’t an emotion Luke was familiar with, and he wasn’t liking it at all.
“Lunch is ready.”
He forced a smile and walked to the counter, trying to ignore the soft sway of his wife’s hips, the way she smiled as their son ate his crusts, and the shine in her eye when she laughed. Olivia might be Luke’s wife, but he had no right to be jealous of the people she knew, or who was in her life right now. But seeing her boss, acknowledging his jealousy toward him, was only making Luke want to fight all the more for what he’d lost.
Olivia was struggling not to smile as she finished her work. Charlie often came with her while she was here, but he usually played with his toys or pestered her about what he could do and when they’d be leaving. It was different having Luke here with him.
He’d taken Charlie out for a walk, then come back to wait for her. The two of them were hanging out on the sofa, Charlie tucked into the crook of Luke’s arm, yabbering away. And now that she’d finished dinner for tonight and tomorrow, she was ready to go.
“Mommy, can we take Dad to the ice cream shop?”
Olivia laughed. It seemed that Charlie thought his dad was a playmate rather than a grown-up.
“Sure,” she called out. “Just let me rinse this cloth out and we’re out of here.”
“Anything I can do to help?”
Olivia drew in a deep breath. Luke was watching her, his eyes trained on hers. Too close for her not to feel jittery. “Uh, no, I’m just about done.”
He nodded. “Okay, I’ll tidy up the cushions on the sofa and get Charlie’s sweater on.”
Now it was Olivia who was nodding. She didn’t trust her voice. When Luke was at a distance, with Charlie, anywhere so that she was the one observing him rather than being up close and personal, she was fine. Close range turned her into a ball of knots.
She took one last look around, flicked the light switch and walked toward her son. “Let’s go.”
They stepped into the elevator and Olivia found it hard to breathe. Being with Luke like this, as if nothing was wrong, as if they’d always been this way, was making her uncomfortable. Because it felt as if they were living a temporary lie. With lies always came hurt, and she knew she had more of that coming, by the bucket load.
As they walked out onto the sidewalk, side by side with Charlie in the middle, Olivia couldn’t help thinking how normal they must look to passersby. A mommy and daddy out for a nice afternoon with their child, without any hint of their dysfunctional reality.
“Swing me!” demanded Charlie.
That made Olivia smile. He always wanted to be swung, but she rarely had another adult with her to do it.
“Come on, then,” she agreed.
Charlie held up both hands. She grasped one, then looked over at Luke. He appeared confused.
“We have to each hold one hand, then swing him forward as we walk,” she explained.
Luke did as he was told, but Olivia could see from the look on his face that he had no idea what it was all about. She guessed he’d never had anyone swing him as a kid.
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