Texas Rebels: Jude
Linda Warren
REBEL DADThe moment he looked into his newborn son’s eyes, Jude Rebel knew he was meant to be a father – that’s why he had to stop the adoption! Jude has kept his secret for twelve years…until Paige Wheeler returns to Horseshoe, regretting the decision that changed their lives for ever.At eighteen, all Paige wanted was to escape her difficult life in Texas. Now she’s back, she has a chance to make things right. Is it too late for forgiveness? Or have they all been given a second chance…?
Cast of Characters (#ulink_98820d96-938b-57b8-919a-9f96aaa796ff)
Kate Rebel: Matriarch of the Rebel family.
Falcon: The oldest son—the strong one. Reunited with his wife, Leah, and proud father of Eden and John.
Egan: The loner. Married to Rachel Hollister, daughter of the man who put him in jail.
Quincy: The peacemaker. Married to Jenny Walker, his childhood best friend.
Elias: The fighter. Falls in love with the archenemy of the family’s daughter.
Paxton: The lover. Never met a woman he couldn’t have, but the woman he wants doesn’t want him.
Jude: The serious, responsible one. Raising his small son alone.
Phoenix: The wild one and the youngest. He’s wild and free until Child Protective Services says he’s the father of a small boy.
Abraham (Abe) Rebel: Paternal grandfather.
Jericho Johnson: Egan’s friend from prison.
Texas Rebels: Jude
Linda Warren
www.millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk)
A two-time RITA
Award–nominated author, LINDA WARREN has written thirty-eight books for Mills & Boon and has received the Readers’ Choice Award, the Holt Medallion, the Booksellers’ Best Award, the Book Buyers Best Award, the Golden Quill and RT Reviewers’ Choice Best Book Award. A native Texan, she is a member of Romance Writers of America and the West Houston chapter. She lives in College Station with her husband and a menagerie of animals, including a Canada goose named Broken Wing. You can learn more about Linda and her books at www.lindawarren.net (http://www.lindawarren.net).
To my brother, Paul William, who generated laughter in all of us.
Contents
Cover (#u16de9593-5302-5fa3-871e-c0da667e0714)
Cast of Characters (#ulink_7188b518-de7e-5401-8654-d4035b52f0ad)
Title Page (#u0b827916-3806-5884-a062-2ff73f7c86c1)
About the Author (#udd6927e7-8e88-53e1-8e55-0d599addb24a)
Dedication (#udeeab45f-8991-54fb-976f-1f0eced526de)
Prologue (#ulink_e750a6bf-6a79-5aae-9349-d5c4bd6b590f)
Chapter One (#ulink_67151deb-7ff5-5208-92a8-af6c48bdcf4a)
Chapter Two (#ulink_226fb8fe-1572-5414-abfd-6c2d771e59ee)
Chapter Three (#ulink_7190d1fb-bd6a-5f7c-83b5-9753d2422f4a)
Chapter Four (#ulink_e3c2ec55-6984-5db9-8c67-992506735a28)
Chapter Five (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Six (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Seven (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Eight (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Nine (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Ten (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Eleven (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Twelve (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Thirteen (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Fourteen (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Fifteen (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Sixteen (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Seventeen (#litres_trial_promo)
Epilogue (#litres_trial_promo)
Extract (#litres_trial_promo)
Copyright (#litres_trial_promo)
Prologue (#ulink_ce945438-297a-5df8-99d5-9c300971b659)
My name is Kate Rebel. I married John Rebel when I was eighteen years old and then bore him seven sons. We worked the family ranch, which John later inherited. We put everything we had into buying more land so our sons would have a legacy. We didn’t have much, but we had love.
The McCray Ranch borders Rebel Ranch on the east and the McCrays have forever been a thorn in my family’s side. They’ve cut our fences, dammed up creeks to limit our water supply and shot one of our prize bulls. Ezra McCray threatened to shoot our sons if he caught them jumping his fences again. We tried to keep our boys away, but they are boys—young and wild.
One day Jude and Phoenix, two of our youngest, were out riding together. When John heard shots, he immediately went to find his boys. They lay on the ground, blood oozing from their heads. Ezra McCray was astride a horse twenty yards away with a rifle in his hand. John drew his gun and fired, killing Ezra instantly. Both boys survived with only minor wounds. Since my husband was protecting his children, he didn’t spend even one night in jail. This escalated the feud that still goes on today.
The man I knew as my husband died that day. He couldn’t live with what he’d done, and started to drink heavily. I had to take over the ranch and the raising of our boys. John died ten years later. We’ve all been affected by the tragedy, especially my sons.
They are grown men now and deal in different ways with the pain of losing their father. One day I pray my boys will be able to put this behind them and live healthy, normal lives with women who will love them the way I loved their father.
Chapter One (#ulink_18147033-724e-5620-95e4-5d3d89dc373a)
Jude: the sixth son—the quiet one
A cowboy’s broken heart.
They could say a lot of things about Jude Rebel, but they couldn’t say he wasn’t a good father.
He’d devoted his life to Zane.
But tonight for the first time in twelve years he was going out on a date. He swiped an electric razor lightly over his jawline, leaving a bit of scruff. Women liked an outdoorsy look, he’d been told. In reality he had no idea what women liked. Ever since the day Paige Wheeler had told him, “I’m pregnant,” his fascination with the opposite sex had come to a screeching halt.
Paige. They’d discovered sex together and to him it was better than sneaking a beer with the guys or riding his horse or swimming in Yaupon Creek. It was better than anything he’d ever experienced in his life. Every spare moment, he’d spent with her, and they’d been inseparable. Until...
He shoved the memory back in place, tucked away in a dark corner of his mind. Never Never Land, he called it. A place he never wanted to visit again.
His phone lay on the bathroom vanity and he tapped it just to reread her message.
Tonight at seven. Can’t wait.
Annabel Hurley—blonde, twenty-five and about the prettiest thing he’d seen in a long time—had asked him to dinner. She was one of Zane’s teachers and they’d spent a lot of time together in the past year trying to figure out ways to keep Zane interested in school other than letting him play video games nonstop. His son was gifted and in the Pre-Advanced Placement program. He was still bored in class because he always completed his assignments before the other kids. Not wanting to move him up a grade for a second time, Jude searched for other answers. Annabel had been a godsend. She was so patient with Zane.
Going out with Annabel was his first step in putting Never Never Land behind him and not having to shove it to the back of his mind to keep from enduring the pain.
Jude had a day of work ahead of him and then he was going to get back in the game of living and experiencing life again. He walked into the bedroom and grabbed a T-shirt from a drawer and pulled it over his head. Shoving his arms into a Western shirt, he thought about Annabel. He liked her and enjoyed her company. He’d have to be dead from the waist down not to.
As he sat on the bed to put on his boots, his eye caught the photo on his nightstand. He picked it up. It was a photo of him holding Zane on the day after he was born. Jude looked so young and scared cradling the tiny baby wrapped in a blue blanket. All the fear of that day showed in the sad darkness of his eyes. Memories floated across his mind like gray thunderclouds about to dump a lot more tears on him.
What are we going to do, Jude? We don’t know anything about babies.
Jude hadn’t had an answer. He’d been shell-shocked and was trying to grasp what this meant for their future. So they’d done what naive, scared teenagers do: they ignored the problem in hopes it would go away. It didn’t.
Paige started to show, but she’d never been slim and wore big bulky blouses so no one could tell she was pregnant. But he knew. They would sit in his truck while Paige talked about what they needed to do. Jude listened. But he never said anything.
I’ve been talking to the school counselor and I told her about the baby. She knows about my premed scholarship to Berkeley and how I dreamed of this for years. She said I had choices and I should consider them.
Choices? To him there were no choices. Just one—the baby was theirs and they had to raise it. But he never said so.
Of course, abortion is out of the question. The counselor said adoption might be an option for us. She knows a couple who wants a baby. They’re educated and have a nice home and they would love and care for our baby, something that we can’t do.
Why not? They were young, but his brother had raised his daughter on his own, so why couldn’t Jude? But he never said so.
We have to make a decision, Jude. We have to do something. The baby’s due in August and we graduate in May. What do you think?
He’d shrugged.
You always do that. You never say anything and that makes me so mad. This is your baby, too. What should we do?
They were sitting in his truck at the high school and he stared out to the vacant parking lot. He knew what he would do, but so many things kept him silent. Paige had had an awful childhood and her dream was to get out of Horseshoe and live a better life. Her mother was an alcoholic and spent most of her time down at Rowdy’s Beer Joint drinking and picking up strange men.
Many a night Paige would call Jude and he would go pick her up because she was scared of the men her mother brought home. One night a man had come into her room and she’d run outside and slept in the yard. Ever since then she’d been afraid when her mom had a man friend over. No one should have to live like that. Especially someone as sweet and gentle as Paige.
“Can you give up our child?” was the only thing he could say.
“I don’t know.” She started to cry and he took her in his arms and told her that whatever she wanted to do, he would be okay with it. He never said what he really thought.
Paige took care of everything and the adoption was set up. Jude hated the whole thing and he tried not to think about it. As August drew near, Paige gained a lot of weight all over and no one, not even her mother or sister, suspected she was pregnant. And everyone in Horseshoe knew Paige ate when her mom was on one of her drinking binges.
A week before the due date Jude told his mother he was taking a few days off to get away with his friends. Instead he picked up Paige and they drove to a clinic in Austin, one the adoptive parents had chosen, to have the baby. They would induce labor so Paige could have the baby early and continue on with her plans to go to California.
Not a lot was said on the drive. Paige had made up her mind and Jude wanted her to have her dream. She deserved better than the life she had and he didn’t want to take that away from her.
They went into an office and signed papers. They would sign the adoption papers after the birth. The adoptive parents’ lawyer had set everything up. Jude and Paige would never meet them, nor would they see their child. Jude’s hand shook as he wrote his name and he fought tears that stung the backs of his eyes. But he was a Rebel and he wouldn’t cry.
They hugged tightly and Paige was taken to an operating room. He waited. And waited. He wanted to talk to his brother Quincy to tell him what was going on, but Quincy was in the army and stationed in Afghanistan. And he couldn’t heap another burden on his mother. He had to endure this alone.
It was hours later when the nurse came out and told him the baby had been born and he could see Paige. They had been asked if they wanted to see the baby and the counselor had advised against it. And against knowing the sex. It was best to make a clean break, she’d said. They would never know if they had a boy or a girl. Paige had listened to everything the woman had said and Jude had felt powerless.
Paige lay in a bed, pale and crying. That shook him. He sat by her bed, holding her hand as she continued to cry. They didn’t say anything. Words now were useless. That night he slept in his truck and the next day, after they signed the adoption papers, he drove Paige back to Horseshoe.
She had her things packed and they loaded them into his truck and drove away. Paige had already said goodbye to her sister, so she didn’t look back. There was nothing left for her in the small town where she’d grown up. Not even Jude.
Paige cried all the way to the airport. Being young and scared himself, he had no idea how to comfort her. They’d made a decision and now they had to live with it. As he stopped at the terminal, she leaned over and hugged him and whispered, “I’m sorry.” Then she grabbed her bags from the backseat and ran into the airport. He never heard from her or saw her again.
Placing the photo back on his nightstand, he drew a heavy breath. On the way to the ranch Jude kept thinking, I gave my child away. The closer he got to home, the more those words hurt and the more he thought about his father, who had told him in the girls/sex speech to always take responsibility. Be a man. Be a Rebel. A Rebel never shirks his responsibility and I expect my boys to never let me down in that respect.
He’d let his father down. He’d given away his child.
By the time he crossed the cattle guard to Rebel Ranch, he knew he couldn’t live with that decision. He’d thought he could, but he soon found that blood was thicker than any commitment he’d made to Paige.
He drove to the barn looking for Falcon in hopes that he could help him decide what to do. But Falcon and four of his other brothers were working on the ranch. His mom’s truck was at the house and he quickly drove there. He had to tell her, even though he’d rather take a beating than see the look of disappointment on her face.
She was in the kitchen fixing supper and he would always remember the smell of chicken-fried steak wafting to him as he talked and told her where he’d been and what he’d done.
Her response was unusual. “Have you been drinking, Jude? If this was Phoenix, I would know it was a joke. But you...”
He was known for his quietness and his responsible behavior, so it was a shock to his mom.
“No, Mom. I need your help. I can’t let them keep my child.”
She removed her apron and slammed it onto the counter. “I’ll get my purse.” And then they were on their way back to Austin. His mom called her brother, Gabe, who was interning in a law firm, and he met them there.
They asked to speak with the administrator of the hospital and he told them that the adoptive parents were already with the baby. He suggested that Jude think about his decision a little more. His child would have a mother and a father, something he couldn’t give it.
Jude stood on shaky legs and looked the man square in the eye. “I want my kid.” This time he said it out loud.
It was a private adoption, so the administrator called the attorney handling the case. Once he arrived, Gabe asked to see the contract Jude had signed. It clearly stated that the parents, Jude Rebel and Paige Wheeler, had ten days to change their minds. The man then said they would need Paige’s consent. Gabe pointed out the contract didn’t say that, and he warned that if the baby wasn’t brought to them soon, he would call the authorities.
The attorney and Gabe continued to argue about Jude’s rights. Jude was sick to his stomach and had to go to the bathroom to throw up. His nerves were about to get the best of him. As he came out of the bathroom, he saw Mrs. Nancy Carstairs, the counselor who had advised Paige, standing at the end of the hall. That threw him. He didn’t understand what she was doing at the hospital.
He went back to Gabe and mentioned it to him. Gabe flipped through some papers he’d gotten from the adoption attorney and gave him the answer: Tom and Nancy Carstairs were the adoptive parents.
Rage filled Jude. Mrs. Carstairs had given Paige advice that would make it easier to adopt their baby. She’d continued to feed her bad information to make sure Paige gave away their child. He stomped down the hall to Mrs. Carstairs and he lost his cool for the first time in his life. Gabe had to pull him away and his mom had to calm him down. He wanted to strangle the woman for what she’d done to their lives.
Gabe told the attorney and the administrator if the baby wasn’t brought to them immediately, he would file charges against Nancy Carstairs for coercing Paige Wheeler into giving away her child. And he would notify the school board in Horseshoe of her deceit. And he would also bring charges against the hospital.
The Carstairs caved and walked out of the facility. The nurse in charge of the newborns said she would bring the baby, but not until Jude had a proper car seat and items to care for his child.
His mother went shopping while he and Gabe waited. It was the longest wait of his life. His mother had come back by the time the doors opened and the nurse came out carrying a baby wrapped in a blue blanket. He had a son. His breath caught and it took a moment before he could breathe again. He had a son.
The days that followed weren’t easy. He learned to change diapers, prepare bottles and wake at the smallest of cries. He followed his brother Falcon’s example and raised his kid—because that was what fathers did. And no one was ever going to take his child again. Because he’d said so.
“Dad.” Zane ran through the bathroom they shared into Jude’s room. “The entry form for the race is supposed to be in today’s paper. If Uncle Falcon doesn’t bring it in, can I take your truck and go get it at the mailbox?”
His son loved horses and he was planning to enter the Horseshoe Founder’s Day Horse Race at the end of April. That was all that was on his mind.
Jude got to his feet and stuffed his shirt into his jeans. “I’ll get it.” He looked at his son standing there in nothing but his boxer shorts. His dark hair fell into his eyes and he brushed it aside, as he often did. All arms and legs, he was going to be a gangly teenager just like Jude. His dark eyes and facial features were all Jude, too. But his sweet nature, which endeared him to everyone, he got from his mother. “Get dressed. It’s time for breakfast.”
“Okay, Dad.” Zane dashed toward the bathroom. “Don’t forget about the form.”
As if Jude could forget. Zane had talked about the race nonstop since before Christmas and he’d been practicing with his paint horse, Running Bear, almost every day. Jude felt sure there wasn’t a horse in the county that could beat him.
He made his way down the stairs to the kitchen, where his mom was cooking breakfast. The smell of bacon frying whet his appetite. He didn’t know how he would’ve raised Zane if it hadn’t been for his mom. She didn’t criticize or judge him. She just pitched in and helped him and showed him how to be a father. The only drawback was he was thirty-one years old and still living with his mother. That, he could handle. Not having his son with him was something he couldn’t.
“Mornin’, Mom,” he said, snatching a piece of bacon before pouring a cup of coffee.
She turned from the stove. “Mornin’, son. Is Zane up?”
“Yes, and I didn’t even have to wake him. He’s so excited about this race that it’s all he thinks about, even in his sleep.” He took a couple of sips of coffee and placed his cup on the counter. “I’m going to the mailbox to get the paper so he can have the form to fill out or he’s going to drive us all crazy.”
Before he could get to the door, Falcon and Quincy, two of his brothers, came in. Quincy had the paper in his hand. He held it up. “I brought something for Zane. Is he up?”
Jude picked up his cup. “Yes, and he’s ready for that form. He’s saved up the entry fee and he’s counting the days. Actually, he has a calendar in his room and he’s marking them off.”
“Who wants breakfast?” his mom asked.
“I had breakfast with Leah,” Falcon replied. “Our children were asleep and it was nice.”
“How about you, Quincy?”
“Elias had a late night, so I fixed breakfast for Grandpa.” Quincy filled a cup with coffee and sat at the table.
“Your grandpa can come over here and eat if he wants breakfast,” their mom snapped in a tone they knew well. “You have a wife and you need to be home with her and not pampering that old man.” His mom and grandfather had a strained relationship that was difficult for the whole family.
Quincy stretched his shoulders. “Mom, my wife was up at 5:00 a.m. to be at work at six. We had coffee and went our separate ways. But we took time for ourselves, if you know what I mean.”
“Quincy,” his mother scolded. But Quincy only smiled. It was good to see his brother happy.
Jude filled his plate with bacon, eggs and biscuits and sat at the table.
Falcon flipped through the hometown paper, which usually had nothing in it but tidbits of gossip. Nothing ever happened in Horseshoe, Texas. But Falcon slid the paper over to Jude, pointing to a page.
Jude took a swallow of coffee, pushed his plate away and picked up the paper. The headline hit him between the eyes like a two-by-four.
Hometown Girl Made Good Returns.
Jude quickly scanned the rest of the story. Paige’s mother had died and she was coming home for the funeral. Oh, man. He’d never expected this. Darlene Wheeler had fallen and broken her hip not long after Paige had left for California. Her daughter Staci had put her in a rehab center in Austin and from there she’d been moved to a nursing facility. That was the gossip Jude had heard.
A knot the size of a baseball formed in his stomach.
Never Never Land leaped to the forefront of his mind. The Wheelers still owned a house in Horseshoe and Staci paid the taxes on it. Jude wasn’t sure why they’d never sold it. Twelve years had come full circle and it was time to tell Paige what he’d done.
That was his first thought.
The second was there was no way in hell. Zane was his and he had to think about his son now. About what this would do to him. Jude had always told him the truth. Zane was about five when he’d first asked about his mother. He wanted to know why he didn’t have one. He almost thought that was normal since his cousin Eden hadn’t had one, either. But Zane was smart and he soon realized that most of his friends had mothers.
At that time Jude had glossed over most of the story and said Zane’s mother had wanted to further her education and had left for college.
As he grew older, Zane asked more questions and Jude decided then not to lie to him, because he knew his father would never have lied to him. Again, he told him how young they’d been and how they hadn’t known anything about babies and they had decided to give him up for adoption so he could have a good life. Jude tried to sound matter-of-fact about what had happened, but Zane knew his mother had given him away.
He glanced at the paper one more time. Paige was returning to Horseshoe. How did he tell her what he’d done?
Or did he need to?
She’d made her choice and he’d made his.
But... That but carried a whole lot of guilt that was gnawing away at his insides.
Paige Wheeler, Zane’s mother, would be back in Horseshoe.
Soon.
The knot tightened.
Chapter Two (#ulink_853fc4df-72d1-5b74-9b78-d191bfdbb960)
Nausea churned in Paige’s stomach as the plane touched down in Austin, Texas. She took several deep breaths to calm herself. She’d never expected going home would make her sick.
“Are you all right, dear?” the elderly woman next to her asked.
Paige took another deep breath. “Yes, I guess I’m just a little nervous.”
“I was like that the first time I flew, but you get used to it.”
Paige smiled patiently at the woman, not wanting to explain her nervous stomach had nothing to do with flying. It had to do with facing her past and all the mistakes she’d made. Actually, just one mistake. The big one that haunted her days and nights.
Passengers began to stand and Paige reached for her carryall to join the queue leaving the plane. She navigated the airport and quickly made it to the baggage carousel to retrieve her luggage. Holding her suitcase, she looked around for her sister and saw her across the room, waving.
Time stood still for a moment as she gazed at the sister who had been a lifeline. Staci was two years older and had taken care of Paige, especially when their mother was on one of her rampages. And that had been quite often when she’d been drinking. Their mother had blamed them for her lousy life and she’d taken it out on them whenever she could.
She’d never hit them. That would have left bruises. She’d used words that left scars buried deep inside, scars that would never heal. Their brother, Luke, had joined the army right out of high school and that had left Staci and Paige to fend for themselves.
There’d always been men in their mother’s life. The three of them all had different fathers, whose identities were a mystery to them and surely to their mother, too. Paige used to search the faces of men in town trying to find a resemblance, but she’d soon given up, knowing it wouldn’t make any difference. But she would always wonder. That was just human nature.
A lousy childhood had not prepared her for the real world. Her dream was to leave Horseshoe and to get as far away from her mother as she could. That was why she’d studied constantly and gotten good grades—to win a scholarship so she could get out of a home life where she was criticized and demeaned.
Her ticket out had come with a price. One she’d thought she could pay, but she’d been wrong. The price was too high. A naive, troubled girl didn’t realize it at the time. And she would pay that price for the rest of her life.
She walked toward her sister, carrying her luggage. Staci looked much the same, only older. They’d once had the same mousy-brown hair, as her mother had called it. When Paige was little, she thought she had mice in her hair. She hadn’t quite understood the description. When she was older, she knew it was just one more criticism her mother had heaped upon her.
Other than that, they didn’t resemble each other. And their looks had changed some over the years. With the help of a good stylist, Staci’s hair was now a darker brown, which looked great with her blue eyes. Paige had trimmed and highlighted her thick tresses so she was now more of a blonde with dark green eyes. Their brother had brown eyes. They were an eclectic mix or a hodgepodge of their mother’s love life.
Paige dropped her suitcase and hugged her sister tightly. She’d missed her. But not as much as she’d missed... She couldn’t think his name. She just couldn’t. Or the nausea would come back.
Staci drew back and looked at her sister. “My, look at you. Don’t you look sophisticated in heels and a nice dress. I love your hair! California has changed you, or has being a doctor made this transformation?”
“Me?” Paige quickly steered the conversation in another direction. “Look at you! How much weight have you lost?” Both sisters had a tendency to gain weight. They had that in common.
“About thirty pounds.” Staci swung around in her summer dress and did a bow. “I feel great. I have a fabulous job and great friends and I feel good about myself for the first time in my life.”
“It shows.” Staci had a job at a hotel in Austin. She’d started working at a hotel in Temple right out of high school and was soon offered a better job with more benefits in Austin. She was in charge of parties and banquets and she loved it.
Nothing else was said as they made their way to Staci’s car and it gave Paige a chance to regroup and calm her shaky nerves. She’d talked to her sister many times over the years, but she never shared her deep dark secrets with anyone, not even her sister. The embarrassment and shame she couldn’t share. It went deep into her soul where no one was allowed. She’d been a private person all her life and the only one she’d let get close was...
“Have you heard from Luke?” Paige asked to change her train of thought.
“Yes. He’ll be at the funeral tomorrow. He’s stationed at Fort Polk and he’ll be leaving at the end of the month for another deployment.”
“I know. We spoke last week.” They reached the car and Paige put her suitcase in the backseat and got in the vehicle. “I’m so proud of him and what he’s accomplished with his career in the army.”
Staci backed out of the parking spot and headed for the exit sign. “I’m proud of all of us. After a traumatic childhood, we turned out pretty good.”
Paige smoothed the fabric of her dress and then watched as the parking terminal flashed by. “Do you think any of us will ever be happy, though?”
“I’m happy,” Staci insisted. “I meet so many wonderful people and they’re kind and gracious and treat me with respect. That’s all a person needs.”
“And love,” Paige murmured under her breath.
“Well—” Staci turned out of the terminal “—we’re kind of gun-shy in that department, but you know what love is. And one time you were madly in love with—”
“Don’t say his name.” Paige stopped her with panic in her voice.
Staci gave her a sharp glance as she negotiated the traffic. “Why not? It was a long time ago and you’ve both moved on. He has a little boy now. I haven’t been back to Horseshoe all that much, so I don’t know the details about his marriage.”
He’d married someone else. He had a child. While she...
“Could we not talk about it, please?”
“Okay.” They drove in silence for a long time before Staci said, “What’s going on with you? You’re tense and sad and it’s not about Mom’s death.”
Paige swallowed the lump in her throat. “It’s very upsetting to go back and relive all that heartache and pain.”
“Yeah, I know, kiddo. I lived through it with you. But as I told you on the phone a couple years ago, the doctors at the mental hospital said Mom’s problems started with the wreck that killed her parents. She suffered severe head trauma and back injuries, and she wasn’t the same afterward. Even Uncle Harry said that. As the years passed, it just got worse because she refused any treatment and couldn’t stay off the liquor.”
Paige had always known there had to be a reason for her mother’s behavior, but it still didn’t wipe away a child’s pain. Her mother was gone now and she had to learn to forgive. She knew all too well how circumstances could change a person’s life.
“How often did you visit her?”
Staci heaved a sigh. “Whenever I could force myself to go—holidays, her birthday and Mother’s Day. I always took her flowers and chocolates. At the end, she was very sad, Paige.”
She closed her eyes tightly, not wanting to hear any good things about her mother. In her emotional state, she couldn’t handle it. The bitterness and the resentment held her together like Elmer’s glue, and if they were gone, she would crumble into nothing. Her sins would rise to the surface and she would have to admit that she was worse than her mother. At least her mother had never given away one of her children.
“Enough with the maudlin stuff. I have a two-bedroom apartment and you and Luke are staying with me. I thought it would be nice if we were together. He’s coming in tonight and we’ll have dinner. I’m cooking. And it’s not peanut butter and jelly or corn dogs. How did we survive on that?”
“Don’t forget milk and cereal.”
“Mmm. But, you know, the past is the past and what we do now with our lives is up to us. Adversity has made us stronger and we can handle anything.”
Paige wasn’t so sure about that. She didn’t know if she could handle going back to Horseshoe, Texas, and reliving that terrible time.
* * *
JUDE RODE INTO the barn followed by his brother Phoenix. He was home from the rodeo circuit for a few days and helping on the ranch. He and Phoenix had been born in the same year, January and December, and they were close growing up, almost like twins. But Phoenix had always had an interest in the rodeo, while Jude had just wanted to cowboy for real.
As they were unsaddling, Quincy and Elias rode in from their day’s work on the ranch. “I’ll finish up for you, Jude,” Quincy said. “You got a date tonight and it’s getting late.”
Jude threw his saddle over a rail. “I canceled.”
His brothers stopped what they were doing and stared at him. Quincy placed his hands on his hips. “Why?”
“I can’t go out and have a good time with this Paige thing hanging over my head. I have to figure out what I’m going to do. I have to think about Zane and what’s best for him.”
Elias pulled off his hat, slapped it against his leg, making the dust fly. “The way I see it, Paige is here for a funeral, and as soon as it’s over, she’ll be gone again. She probably has a big practice out in California. I don’t know what you’re worried about.”
“I usually never agree with Elias, but he could be right.” Quincy hung his saddle on a rail and stared at Jude. “Go out and have a good time tonight and you’ll be relaxed and able to see things more clearly.”
“You wouldn’t do that, Quincy. You wouldn’t put your pleasure before someone you loved.”
Quincy pulled off his gloves and stuffed them into his saddlebags. “Yeah, you’re probably right.”
“Paige is Zane’s mother and I have to tell her what I did or I’ll never be able to live with myself. Doesn’t matter if she’s married and has other kids. Zane has a right to know his mother and maybe get the chance to meet her.”
All day, thoughts of Zane and Paige had gone round and round in his mind. It all came down to the same thing: what was best for Zane. Jude had lived his whole life with that in mind and he wasn’t changing now, even if it was going to take a piece of his heart to face her.
Falcon walked into the barn. “Everybody through for the day?”
“Yeah,” Quincy replied. “We have twenty-five heifers ready to go first thing in the morning to Mr. Hensley in Longview, Texas. Actually, we have twenty-six.” He glanced at Elias. “Someone can’t count.”
“Math wasn’t my strong suit.” Elias smirked.
Falcon pointed a finger at Elias. “First thing in the morning before anyone goes to work, you’ll get that heifer back to the herd.”
“You’re a hard-ass, Falcon. Why don’t you just ask Mr. Hensley if he would like twenty-six? Maybe give them a discounted rate.”
“I’m not discounting those heifers. They’re prime stock and it’s how we make our living. Have you forgotten that?”
Jericho, who worked on the ranch and was a friend of their brother Egan, came into the barn from the corral. “Don’t worry about the extra heifer. I let one of the smaller ones out into the alley that connects most of the pastures and she took off running. I followed her on my horse all the way to the north pasture. She’s now back with the herd.”
Elias thumbed his nose at Falcon. “And that’s how it’s done, big brother.”
Falcon shook his head and caught sight of Jude. “What are you still doing here? I thought you had a date tonight.”
Phoenix held up his hands. “Okay, everybody, leave Jude alone. This is his decision, his kid, not yours.”
Jude and Phoenix had shared a special connection ever since the shooting of Ezra McCray. Jude and Phoenix had been riding bareback while their father was fixing fences. Jude was in front and Phoenix sat behind him with his arms wrapped around Jude’s waist. Almost as if it were yesterday, Jude could hear his brother.
Jump the fence, Jude. This horse can do it.
We’ll get in trouble.
Dad’s way over there and we’ll be back before he misses us. Jump the fence, Jude.
Hold on, he said and kneed the horse.
The horse shot forward, galloping faster and faster as it neared the fence and they sailed right over it, but Jude couldn’t stop the horse fast enough. Before he could turn back toward the fence, shots rang out and the next thing he knew, he was in a hospital bed with his mother crying and his dad looking as if the world had come to an end. His sun-browned face was a mask of pain, misery and suffering. At six years of age, Jude thought maybe Phoenix was dead and he started to cry, too. But he soon found out Phoenix was fine and that Ezra McCray had shot at them. And his father had killed the man. It was a lot for a six-year-old to understand. It was a lot for a six-year-old to go through.
From that day forward, Jude never spoke much. He was quiet and stayed close to his father, but even at that early age, he could see his dad was troubled by what had happened. Jude blamed himself and tried to make his father feel better. All his life he seemed to be fighting to make someone feel better and he had grown weary of the task.
“Why didn’t Paxton come home with you?” Falcon asked Phoenix, his voice piercing Jude’s troubled thoughts.
“He went on to another rodeo with Cole Bryant. He’s focused and determined to stay on the top of his game so he can make the national finals in Vegas. He’ll be home in a few days.”
Paxton had had a rough year. He’d dumped his high-school sweetheart, Jenny, for someone he’d met at a rodeo and it had turned out to be a nightmare for him. It had almost done him in, especially since Jenny had fallen in love with Quincy and they were now married. The brothers had worked everything out, and Paxton wasn’t letting anything or anyone interfere with his career again.
“Has anyone heard from Egan?” Falcon was doing his usual thing, keeping tabs on the brothers.
“No,” Jericho said. “They’re supposed to find out the sex of the baby today, but Egan wants to wait until the birth. If I was a betting man, and I gave that up a long time ago, I’d bet they’re going to wait.”
Jericho was one of a kind. He’d grown up on the streets of Houston, wrapped up with gangs and drugs. Egan had met him in prison, when he’d been unjustly sent there by an overzealous judge. Jericho had saved his life and Egan was forever indebted to him. When the family got Egan out, their mother promised Jericho a job for his bravery.
The man stood about six feet four inches tall. He had dark features with a scar slashed across the side of his face. His long dark hair was tied into a ponytail at his neck. No one knew his lineage, but Egan had said he was part white, black, Mexican and Indian. A scary figure to some, but to the Rebel family he was loved and trusted.
“Leah and I waited,” Falcon said. “Of course, ours was a completely different situation, but I agree with Jericho. Egan will win this round because Rachel will do what he wants.”
“You guys are pathetic.” Elias laughed. “Why doesn’t he just say no?”
“If you ever find anyone to marry you, we’ll remind you of that,” Falcon told him, and looked around. “Where’s Grandpa?”
“He was right behind me.” Elias walked to the barn door and looked out. “Can you believe this? His horse is tied to the chain-link fence at his house. Who does he think is going to unsaddle that horse and take care of it?”
Elias’s cell phone buzzed before anyone could answer.
“That’s probably him about to tell you,” Phoenix said.
Elias fished his cell out of his pocket and frowned. “It’s Grandpa. Thank you, Quincy, for buying him a phone.” Elias clicked it on. “Yeah, Grandpa. I’ll do it. What did you say?” Elias pushed Speakerphone and held the cell up. “You’re my favorite grandson,” echoed through the barn and everyone tried hard not to laugh. It was Grandpa’s favorite saying, and he’d said it to every one of the brothers at some point.
Elias slipped the phone back into his pocket. “The favorite grandson is going to go help his grandpa. Now don’t y’all feel guilty?”
Quincy’s cell buzzed and he quickly grabbed it from his pocket. After a second, he said, “I got to go. That was Jenny. White Dove is in labor. Jenny has been watching that horse for days and I hope everything goes okay.” He hurried toward the barn door and then turned back. “Jude, Zane wanted to be there. Do you want me to call him?”
“Go ahead.” He threw a blanket over the saddle. “It would give him something to do while I’m out. I’m going into town to see Annabel. She deserves an explanation.”
“Good for you.” Quincy hurried away and Falcon and Jericho soon followed. That left him and Phoenix to sort through the tangled mess of Jude’s mind.
“You okay?” Phoenix asked.
Jude leaned against the railing. “Do you feel you will never be the same as you were when you were five years old?”
“Come on, Jude.” Phoenix shoved his hands into the front pockets of his jeans as if that could keep the memories at bay. “This family will never be the same, but we have to learn to accept happiness and forgiveness into our lives. I’m doing that. Dad said it wasn’t our fault and I believe him because I believed him all my life and I’m not going to change now. We were kids and kids do silly things. We’re not to blame. Dad said so.”
“It’s just...”
“What is it with you and Quincy? You both seem to have a need to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders. Let it go. Please.”
“Dad was gone two years when Paige got pregnant and I needed to talk to him so badly. Quincy was in the army and I couldn’t talk to him, either. I made all the wrong decisions and I can’t even say it was for the right reasons. I was just a scared kid and I didn’t know what to do. I just wanted Paige to get out of a bad home life and the scholarship gave her that opportunity. I couldn’t take that away from her.”
“Jude, you did the right thing. You went back and got your son and he’s an amazing kid. Pat yourself on the back for once. If you feel you have to tell Paige, then tell her. Zane is a different matter. But I’m sure you’ll make the right decision for him, too. Stop agonizing over it.” He grabbed the reins of Jude’s horse. “Go spend some time with that pretty teacher and I’ll take care of the horses. And, for heaven sakes, smile, Jude. You’re freaking me out.”
“I just don’t want to hurt her.”
The horses milled around, neighing, ready for feed.
“Well, I’m not judging her or anything, but I can almost guarantee you before this is over, someone is going to get hurt and I’m just hoping it’s not you or Zane. Just saying.”
Phoenix was right. He couldn’t make any of this better for any of them. He just had to make sure his son wasn’t hurt. While Paige was in town, he somehow had to explain what had happened all those years ago. She deserved that. He knew that with all his heart and nothing anyone said would change his mind. Sometimes in life he had to make the rough decisions because he was a father. He could only pray this decision was the right one for his son.
And Paige.
Chapter Three (#ulink_46a7e139-c99b-52cb-82fe-288c7b2f4d5d)
“Dad, Dad...”
Jude sat up in bed and squinted at the clock. Five in the morning. “What are you doing up so early?”
Zane jerked on his jeans. “I want to go check on the new foal. It was amazing, Dad. White Dove was nervous and Uncle Quincy just talked to her and rubbed her head and her stomach and she calmed down. Her contractions were strong and Uncle Quincy kept her calm, you know, Dad, like you do. No one can do that but you and Uncle Quincy with cows and horses. You got the touch. And...”
“Take a breath.” Jude sat up and watched the excitement on his son’s face. Zane had been in bed when Jude had come in last night. He’d stayed longer than he’d expected at Annabel’s. He’d wanted her to know the truth and found it easy to talk to her. She understood he wanted to wait until the situation with Paige was over. She didn’t want to get involved, either, if his heart was somewhere else. Jude didn’t know where his heart was. But then, he did. It was with this little boy whose eyes were sparkling like firecrackers on the Fourth of July.
“It was amazing, Dad, I tell you. Uncle Quincy taped her tail because she was swishing it and then Jenny washed White Dove’s udder, teats and vulva with water and soap. And—”
“Vulva?”
“Yeah, it’s—”
“I know what it is.” He was surprised his son did, but that was Zane. He’d probably read about birthing and knew every detail. Once he learned something, he never forgot it. His memory was uncanny.
“Well, the foal’s feet were like this.” Zane stuck out his arms as far as he could and placed his head between them. “That’s the way she came out, in a white amniotic sac. Jenny said it was a perfect birth and Uncle Quincy agreed. Once the front feet and head and shoulders appeared, it was like swoosh and the rest of it followed into a yucky mess. Jenny’s already calling her Little Dove because she’s white and black like her mama. It took four attempts before Little Dove could stand on wobbly legs and she’s the cutest thing. You should’ve seen it, Dad. Do you think her legs are long like Bear’s ’cause they’re related?”
Jude swung his feet to the floor. “Yep, Red Hawk is their father.” Zane had seen births before on the ranch, but he was extra excited because he spent a lot of time with Quincy and his paint horses.
“I think I want to be a vet.”
Jude stared at his precious son with his hair in his eyes. “How about a scientist or a chemist who discovers a cure for cancer?”
“Cool, Dad. I can do that, too.” Zane grinned as he slipped a T-shirt over his head. “After everything was over, Quincy said I better go to the house or Grandma would be worried. He was right. She was sitting up, waiting on me. She said she can’t go to sleep unless I’m safely in bed. I’m lucky to have a grandma like that.”
“Yes, you are.” Jude felt a pang of guilt for staying out so late. He didn’t want his mother to stay up and wait for Zane. That was Jude’s job. Once in twelve years wasn’t bad, though.
“You were out with Ms. Hurley. Did you talk about me?”
“Our favorite topic of conversation.”
“Cool, Dad. I’m going to check on Little Dove and then come back and get ready for school so I can find a cure for cancer.” His cheeky son had the audacity to wink.
Zane darted out the door and Jude stood and stretched and then made his way to the shower. Today was the day. He would meet Paige for the first time in almost thirteen years. He wondered if she’d changed. Everyone changed in that amount of time. He certainly had. He wasn’t that scared teenage boy anymore. Raising a child had toughened him up quickly. He had to stay on his toes to make good choices and cowboy up when things got rough.
That scared boy had become a man ready to take on the world for Zane. He’d never for one minute regretted going back to get his son. But today he would have to explain that decision to Paige. He was prepared now. The scared boy had surfaced for a moment because he was afraid of losing the one thing that mattered the most to him in this world: his son. That bond was rock-solid and Jude knew that better than anyone.
Since he was going to a funeral, Jude put on starched jeans and a white shirt. With his hair combed, his hat in his hand, he headed for the door, only to be stopped by Zane coming through it.
“That was quick.” His son had a strange look on his face, one Jude knew well. Something was wrong and he knew not to push or Zane would clam up. “The foal okay?”
“Yeah. She was sucking, so I guess everything’s okay.”
“Didn’t you talk to Uncle Quincy?”
Zane shook his head. “He and Aunt Jenny were curled up in the hay under a blanket asleep, so I didn’t wake them.”
“You could have. It would have been okay.”
With his small shoulders hunched, Zane replied, “I don’t know, Dad. It’s different now.”
“How is it different?”
“Uncle Quincy doesn’t have much time for me anymore.”
Jude sat on the bed and patted the spot beside him. Quincy had spoiled Zane, just as he’d spoiled Grandpa and everyone else by lavishing his attention on them. He was that type of person.
“Uncle Quincy still loves you and you’re still his partner. But life is about changes. Nothing stays the same.”
Zane looked up at him. “I think that’s a line from a song, Dad.”
Jude ruffled Zane’s hair. “It’s true. Having fun with Uncle Quincy will change, too. You’ll want to spend more and more time with your friends and away from the ranch.”
Zane’s eyes narrowed. “I’m never leaving the ranch.”
Jude didn’t push it, because they’d had this conversation many times about college and it always upset Zane. “Trust me. You won’t always think that way. You’ll change. As much as you say you won’t, you will. And if you don’t, the ranch will always be here. It will always be home.”
“And you’ll always be here?”
“You bet.” There was no place on earth Jude would rather be. Zane got that from him. By Zane’s somber expression, Jude knew something else was bothering his son. “What is it, son?”
“Uh... Uncle Quincy and Aunt Jenny were curled up together. Uncle Quincy had his arms around her and they were like one person.”
They’d already had the sex talk, so it couldn’t be about that. Jude was sweating bullets thinking about how to answer his son.
Zane saved him. “Uncle Quincy really loves Aunt Jenny.”
“And she loves him.”
“Yeah. That’s nice, huh?”
“Yes. You have one more person who loves you.”
“Aunt Jenny gives big hugs and she smells good.”
“So you see it’s a good thing Uncle Quincy found someone.”
“Yeah.” There was still a slight hesitation in Zane’s voice.
“If you want to talk to Uncle Quincy, just go over to his barn and talk to him. He won’t disappoint you. I promise.”
There was silence for a moment and Jude struggled to find words to soothe his son’s bruised heart. Before Jude could find the right words, Zane looked up at him again and asked, “Did you love my mama like Uncle Quincy loves Aunt Jenny?”
Jude’s throat closed up and every word he knew dissipated like smoke into thin air. He tried not to show any reaction but knew that wouldn’t work. He’d always been honest with Zane, but now he struggled with the truth. He wasn’t sure why. It was just difficult to talk about his feelings for Paige, especially with his son.
He swallowed hard. “Yes, I loved your mother more than I can ever tell you. We were inseparable in high school and...”
Zane wrapped his arms around Jude’s waist and buried his face against him. “You don’t have to talk about her, Dad.”
He held his son close. “It’s okay. You were conceived in love. That’s why you’re such a happy kid.”
Zane drew back to gaze up at Jude. “I hope she doesn’t come back like Eden’s mom did. I don’t think I would like her. It’s just me and you, right, Dad? You and me against the world. We’re Rebels and we’re rowdy.”
“You bet. Now you better get ready for school. Aunt Rachel will be here any minute.”
“Okay.” Zane stared at Jude. “Why are you all dressed up?”
Jude took a moment. “I’m going to a funeral this morning.”
“Oh. I’m sorry someone died.”
Jude hugged his son. Zane had this innate softness inside him, making him genuinely considerate and sincere. He was truly sorry someone had died. That was just the way he was. He got that from Paige.
Ruffling his son’s hair, Jude said, “We need to get your hair cut again.”
Zane pulled back, smiling. He was happy again. “I want to get it cut before the race because I don’t want any hair in my eyes when Bear and I zoom past everybody. We’re going to win, Dad! Uncle Quincy said so. I filled out the form and put it and my money in an envelope. When are you going to take it in to the paper?”
“I’ll take it before I go to the funeral.”
“Cool.” Zane dashed into his room and came back with the envelope. “It’s all there. You just have to give it to Miss Maureen and get my number. I hope it’s a nine. Nine is my lucky number. Oh, yeah.” Zane danced off to his room.
When had nine become his lucky number? That was news to Jude, but he had a feeling that as Zane grew, a lot of things were going to be news to him. Little boys tended to keep secrets. He knew that for a fact ’cause he’d kept many from his parents. Not biggies, but secrets.
In the kitchen, Falcon, Quincy and Egan were having coffee with their mother.
“So you’re waiting till the birth to find out the sex of the baby?” his mother asked Egan.
“Yeah. I just would rather do that and Rachel agreed with me. Although she was very tempted to find out.”
Jericho was right. Jude poured a cup and joined them at the table.
“I guess you’re going to the funeral.” His mother looked at him.
“Yes. I have to see her to test the waters, so to speak. At this point, I’m not sure how much I’ll tell her. It depends on how much she wants to hear. I’ll play it by ear and hope I make the right decision.”
“You will, son,” his mother assured him.
Egan twisted his cup. “I stopped by to tell you Rachel’s going to the funeral.”
Jude started at that news. “Why? I don’t remember them being all that close in high school.”
“Jude, it’s a small school and we all know each other.”
“I guess.”
“Besides, Angie Hollister is Horseshoe’s one-woman welcoming-and-funeral committee. And Rachel’s her best friend. They thought it would be nice if someone from the town showed up. And don’t worry—Rachel’s not going to say anything. She’s rather fond of Zane and, trust me, she’s going to make sure no one hurts him.”
Jude got to his feet. “Is Rachel still picking up Zane for school?” Rachel taught art and she and Egan lived down the road in a house they’d fixed up, so it was ideal for Rachel to give Zane a ride.
“She’ll be here any minute,” Egan said. “She notified the principal last night she was taking an hour off.”
“I better go, then. Zane wants me to drop off the entry form and fee for the race.”
“You haven’t had breakfast,” his mother reminded him.
“I couldn’t eat a thing, Mom. I’ll catch y’all later.”
As he drove into town, Zane’s words kept running through his mind. Did you love my mama like Uncle Quincy loves Aunt Jenny? Oh, yes, he’d loved Paige with all his heart. They’d been two teenagers who’d desperately needed someone to love. Someone to listen. Someone to care.
Paige’s mother had been an awful person. He couldn’t believe any mother could be so vile. She’d told Paige repeatedly that she was ugly and worthless and would never amount to anything. Every chance the woman got, she’d driven home that point to make Paige feel as low as she could. She’d shredded Paige’s confidence until Paige was a walking case of nerves. Sometimes she’d break out in hives just from the stress.
Looking back, he realized there’d been so many options open to them other than listening to Mrs. Carstairs, but at the time they hadn’t seen them. Jude could’ve gone to his mother and she would’ve been happy to help them. But talking was not Jude’s strong suit. He almost would have rather died than tell his mother how he’d screwed up. He was to blame for everything that had happened and he fully carried that blame on his shoulders. If he had spoken up, things would’ve been different. But he hadn’t known how Paige would’ve reacted if he’d asked her to marry him and give up her dream. He couldn’t do that, pressure her to stay in a town that held so many bad memories. She deserved to fulfill her dream more than anyone he’d ever known. He’d made sure she did. Whatever had happened in the intervening years, he hoped with all his heart she was happy and had a full life.
He drove toward the Horseshoe cemetery, ready to face his past.
* * *
THE APRIL WIND howled through the tall cedars of Horseshoe’s country cemetery. Paige shivered and reached for Staci’s hand. The ominous sound was a fitting lullaby for a woman who had been troubled most of her life. The noise would carry on into the hereafter.
They didn’t shed tears. There were too many teardrops on their souls to pretend any grief now. Sadness, yes. Paige was sure it showed on their solemn faces as they said goodbye to a mother they’d never understood.
Out of the corner of her eye, she saw a silver SUV pull into the cemetery driveway. Angie Wiznowski and Rachel Hollister got out. They were older, but Paige recognized them, girls she had gone to high school with. Rachel was as beautiful as ever with her blond hair and blue eyes. She was pregnant. A pain shot through Paige but she quickly disguised it. Angie had changed the most. She’d always been sweet and nice but she was positively glowing. What were they doing here?
More cars turned into the cemetery. Angie’s mom and Angie’s sisters and brother had come. The sheriff and his wife arrived, as did Hardy Hollister, the DA, and Judge Hollister. Mrs. Peabody and the older ladies of the town came. Some of Paige’s teachers also came. Some of Staci’s and Luke’s friends showed up. The people of Horseshoe offered their condolences and Paige was overwhelmed with a nostalgic feeling for a town she’d left behind.
As everyone stood around the grave site, the man from the funeral home read some verses from the Bible and the casket was lowered into the ground. A turbulent life was over.
Angie hugged her. “We’re so sorry for your loss.”
“Thank you,” she managed.
Rachel hugged her, too. “It’s so good to see you and you look absolutely wonderful. I guess the California good life agrees with you.”
Paige didn’t know how to answer. If they only knew. But they never would, because Paige would never open up with all the heartache and pain she’d suffered in the past years.
After everyone had left, Angie and Rachel lingered and they talked about Horseshoe and things that had happened while Paige had been gone. Angie was married to Hardy Hollister, Rachel’s brother, which Paige had guessed by the way Hardy had hugged Angie. They had two children. Rachel had married Egan, Jude’s older brother. That caught Paige’s attention. She’d never known Rachel liked the Rebel boys. She seemed happy, as did Angie. Paige would never have that kind of happiness. She had destroyed her one chance at love.
“We have company,” Rachel said as a pickup pulled up behind the SUV.
Angie hugged her one more time. “Come by the bakery before you leave and we can catch up on old times and hear about your amazing career.” Angie’s family owned the local bakery, a favorite hangout and the busiest place in town.
Paige didn’t say anything, because she didn’t plan on taking Angie up on her offer. She wouldn’t talk about her life to anyone. She’d opened up last night to Staci and Luke because she had to tell them. She couldn’t keep lying and holding everything inside. As family members who had been through hell with her, they understood. But the people of Horseshoe wouldn’t, even friends like Angie and Rachel.
They walked away and Paige stared at the man getting out of the truck. Her breath caught and her body trembled as she stared at the boy who was now a man. The boy she’d loved more than anyone in her life.
He walked toward them with long strides. He’d changed, was her first thought. The skinny boy had filled out and his shoulders were wide and muscled. But his beautiful face, carved with the touch of an angel, was the same: dark eyes flanked by incredible eyelashes and lean structured facial bones that bespoke pure masculinity. He’d been a cowboy then and she was delighted to see he was still in boots, a Stetson and snug Wranglers. From out of nowhere a memory flashed through her mind of a lazy afternoon and her unzipping them. She was suddenly warm all over.
Luke met him and they shook hands. Paige couldn’t hear what they were saying, but soon Jude walked toward her.
She said the first thing that came into her head. “Hey, Jude.” It was the title of an old Beatles song that had been their favorite back then. They’d played it over and over just to sing “Hey, Jude.”
He didn’t smile, and a foreboding feeling came over her. “I’m sorry about your mom.”
“Th-thank y-you.” She stumbled over the words like a teenager. “I was going to call before I left town.”
“Could we go somewhere and talk?” He looked around at the tombstones and graves nestled among stately cedars. “Someplace besides here?”
“Sure. I can use Staci’s car. Where would you like to meet?”
“They redid the park that’s two blocks from your old house. It’s nice and we could meet there.”
“Okay. I’ll see you in about thirty minutes.”
He nodded and strolled back toward his truck.
They were cordial and polite like strangers, but they had been so much more.
“What did he want?” Staci asked.
“Just to talk.”
“You don’t have to do that if you don’t want to,” Luke told her. “It might be best to let it go.”
“I can’t. I have to know if he thinks about our child all the time...like...I do.”
“Oh, Paige.” She didn’t even know she was shaking until Staci put her arms around her.
“I didn’t think it would be this hard to see him.” She brushed away an errant tear. “He didn’t even smile when I said, ‘Hey, Jude.’ It was our favorite song.”
“Do you still love him?”
She didn’t know, but she knew what the nausea was about. Jude. Seeing him again. And having to talk about that time and what they’d done. They had to drag out all the dirty laundry to see if it could be cleansed or if the stains of life’s mistakes would haunt her forever.
Chapter Four (#ulink_670ee54d-3232-5c92-9118-1034c69c88cb)
Jude parked at the curb of the new Horseshoe Park and made his way to where he saw Paige sitting at a picnic table. The brightly colored swings and slides and the new water park faded from his mind as he focused on the woman waiting for him.
The first thing he’d noticed at the cemetery was that she’d lost a lot of weight. Away from her criticizing mother, she must’ve stopped the binge junk-eating. She was now slim and her hair was more blond than brown. It suited her. Her face still held that same sweet innocence that had first attracted him to her. But now there was a maturity about her that was just as attractive.
Never Never Land never looked so good.
She got up and ran to him, then wrapped her arms around his waist and hugged him. The scent of lilac soap wafted to him. He froze, which was more the reaction of the teenage boy he used to be. But the man in him recognized all those old feelings that had bound him to her years ago. Maybe some things just never changed.
When he didn’t return the hug, she went back to the table and he eased onto the bench across from her, removing his hat. The wind rustled through the tall oaks and he took a moment to gather his thoughts. It was like gathering bits and pieces from his past to guide him. What should he say? What should he do?
“You look good,” she said. “You filled out. The teenage boy I used to date doesn’t seem to exist anymore.”
“He grew up, and so have you. I hardly recognized you at the cemetery. The young girl of long ago has matured into a beautiful woman.”
“Thank you.” She tilted her head slightly to smile at him and his heart raced like a wild mustang’s at the look he remembered well. “You were always good for my ego.”
He didn’t shift or act nervous. He couldn’t do that now. He had to be the man he was supposed to be. For Zane. And for himself.
“I’m sorry about your mom.”
She shrugged. “Thanks. She’s at peace now.”
“So you’ve forgiven her for all the crappy stuff?”
“It’s hard to hold on to all that bitterness. After Staci put her in the mental hospital, we found out her erratic behavior was because of the injuries to her head and spine in the accident that killed my grandparents. Alcohol only made it worse.”
“I knew there had to be a reason for the way she acted.” They were getting bogged down in ordinary conversation when he wanted to talk about something else entirely. “How’s California?”
“Great. I’m busy, so I don’t get to see a lot of it. But I’ve enjoyed my stay there.”
“I’m glad you had the chance to make your dream come true.” He really meant that with all his heart. But a small part of him wanted her to love him enough to have stayed and raised their son together.
“Do you still work on the ranch?” she asked quickly, as if she wanted to change the subject.
“Yes. I’ll always be a cowboy.”
She fiddled with her hands in her lap. “I heard you have a son.” Her eyes caught his and all the guilt hit him, blindsiding him.
“Yes.” Our son. The one you gave away.
She looked off to the tall oaks and the branches swaying in the breeze. “Do...do...you ever think about our child?”
His stomach roiled with a familiar ache. “Every day.” He didn’t try to avoid the subject, because he knew they’d have to discuss it thoroughly.
“I think about the baby all the time. I can’t seem to shake all those guilty feelings and...and I think we made a mistake.”
His gut tensed. “Why do you say that? We talked about it a lot and you said you could handle the feelings. You said the fact that our child would have a good home would be enough for you. What made you change your mind?”
She placed a hand over her heart. “I just have this need to know if I have a son or a daughter. We should have asked. We should have held our child. As a young girl, I was arrogantly boastful that I could handle all those emotions and all those feelings. I was wrong. It almost destroyed me.”
“What do you mean?”
“I cried all the way to California and I cried for days afterward. I couldn’t get over it. But that’s in the past.” She waved a hand to dismiss it. “I wanted to talk to you because I was hoping you felt the same and would want to know if we had a son or a daughter. Would you be willing to go with me to talk to Mrs. Carstairs? Maybe she would tell us if we both went.”
“Paige...”
“I know you have a different life now and I don’t want to interfere with that. But I have to know. Do you understand that?”
He didn’t understand anything and he certainly hadn’t expected this from her at this late date. He hadn’t expected any guilty feelings from the woman whose career meant everything to her and who’d been positive she could handle the emotions. He searched for words to tell her the truth but they stuck in his throat like a wad of cotton.
“If both of us went, she might tell us if the baby was a boy or girl. We’re not asking for our child back, just information. I’d really like to know if our child is happy. Don’t you want to know these things?”
We have a son and he’s with me. I’ve had him since the day after he was born. Simple words. Painful words. All he had to do was say them and it would ease her mind. He took a deep breath and tried to force the words out. Before he could, his cell buzzed. He reached into his pocket and pulled it out and saw it was Zane’s school. He clicked the call on immediately.
“Excuse me,” he said to Paige and got to his feet.
“Mr. Rebel, this is Sharon Thompson, Principal Bowers’s secretary.”
“Is there a problem?”
“We had an incident at school this morning and the principal would like for you to come in as soon as you can.”
“Is my son okay?”
“Yes.”
“I’ll be there in ten minutes.”
He shoved his phone back into his pocket and then picked up his hat. “I’m sorry—I have to go. Can we meet later?”
“I’m staying for two weeks. We’re going to clean out our old house and put it on the market. You can catch me over there. Here’s my cell number.”
“Good. I’ll see you then.” He marched off without a backward glance, worried about his son. What had happened? Zane was never in trouble.
Jude made it to the school in record time. The school was shaped like a horseshoe. The administration office was in the center, with grades one through six on the left and grades seven through twelve on the right. The gym and cafeteria were in the back. The Horseshoe school system had always been in one spot, but the school was bursting at the seams because the town’s population was growing. Soon they would have to have portable buildings to house some of the students.
He went through the double doors into the school. The principal’s office was straight ahead and he hurried there. The halls were empty and the big clock on the wall said it was only five after ten.
“Jude.”
He turned to see Annabel coming toward him in a spring dress and heels. She was beautiful, patient and loving. Everything he wanted in a woman. He wasn’t sure why he held back on taking their relationship further.
“Where’s Zane?”
She nodded at a door. “He’s in there with Rachel. She’s taking care of him.”
“Taking care of him? What happened?” Fear edged its way up his spine and his nerves tightened.
Annabel touched his arm. “Calm down. Zane is fine.”
Her touch had a calming effect. He took a long breath. “What happened?”
“After first class, the kids went to their lockers to get ready for second period. Dudley McCray was bragging about how fast his horse was and how he was going to win the Founder’s Day Horse Race. Zane told him he had a fast horse, too, and he just might win. Dudley got mad and said no egghead Rebel was beating him. He then pushed Zane and Zane fell backward onto the floor, his books going everywhere. The kids rushed to help him, but he got to his feet, saying Dudley was upset because he was afraid Zane was going to beat him. Dudley told him he wasn’t afraid of any egghead Rebel. Zane replied that only idiots weren’t afraid. That really got Dudley angry and he went after Zane, but the hall monitor was there and several teachers kept him from hitting Zane again.”
“Zane’s not hurt?”
“No, he was very calm. I have to get back to class. I’ll talk to you later.” She gave him a smile and walked off down the hall. He watched her for a moment, thinking she could be his future, but he was tied to the past with a boulder around his neck pulling him down. Why he kept holding on, he wasn’t quite sure. But the days ahead would provide closure or more heartache.
He opened the classroom door and went inside. Zane was sitting in a class chair and a very pregnant Rachel was stroking his hair as if to soothe him, and his son was eating it up.
“Hey, Dad.” Zane jumped to his feet when he saw Jude.
Rachel kissed the top of Zane’s head and said, “Your dad’s here and I have to get back to class.”
“Did they tell you what happened?”
“Yeah. Are you okay?” He looked Zane over to see if he had bruises or scratches on his face or arms.
“Yes. You told me to never fight unless it was necessary and it wasn’t. I can hurt Dudley with words. He’s an idiot. He thinks he’s going to win the race, but he’s not. You and Uncle Quincy said I have the fastest horse.”
Jude squeezed his son’s shoulder. “Son, we believe that Bear is fast, but a lot of things can happen in a race and I want you to be prepared for that.”
“Okay, Dad. But Bear can win.”
Jude squatted in front of his son. “I will be there supporting you all the way. I want you to do something for me, though.”
“What?”
“I want you to stop bragging about Bear at school. At home, that’s different. We’ll let Bear do all the talking on race day.”
Zane winked. “Gotcha, Dad.”
Sharon opened the door. “The principal will see you now.”
Jude stood. “Are you ready?”
“I’ve never been to the principal’s office before.” For the first time a note of anxiety entered Zane’s voice.
Jude patted his son’s back. “It won’t be so bad.”
As they walked toward the principal’s office, Zane asked, “Did you ever have to go to the principal’s office?”
“Yep. Your uncle Phoenix got me into a lot of trouble with his antics.” And Paige. They’d been caught kissing in his truck after the bell had rung and had been sent to the principal’s office. He wouldn’t share that, though.
“Did you get punished?”
“Not as much as we got punished at home. We couldn’t go anywhere on Saturday or Sunday. We had to work.”
“Are you going to punish me?”
“No, son. The principal will take care of all that.”
The meeting was short. Zane was sent back to class and told all talk of the race was off-limits in school. Dudley was sent to a classroom by himself to read alone and think about what he’d done.
Jude sat outside in his truck for a while reflecting on those days of long ago. He and Paige had been too young to get involved so seriously. But no one could have told them that at the time. Even so, Jude would never regret having Zane. He wasn’t going to apologize to Paige for going back to get him, either. That was his decision and he would stand by it to the day he died.
He started the engine. Now he had to tell Zane’s mother about her son. It would be one of the hardest things he would ever have to do.
* * *
PAIGE CHANGED OUT of her suit into jeans, a T-shirt and sneakers. They were cleaning out the house and it was dirty work. Dust and cobwebs were everywhere, emphasizing all the pain and sorrow that had happened within the walls.
“Hey, the refrigerator still works. How about that?” Staci diligently wiped it out with bleach and water. Staci had had the electricity turned on days ago so they could work. They had two weeks and they planned to repaint inside and out to make it attractive to a buyer.
The house was a nice three-bedroom two-bath brick home their mother had bought with the insurance money from her parents’ death. Or more to the point, Uncle Harry, Darlene’s guardian, had bought it for them. Uncle Harry and Aunt Nora had lived next door and they had been a godsend when they were growing up. Uncle Harry had died when Paige was fifteen. And Nora had followed six months later. For the first time the three Wheeler children were alone in the world. But Luke had already joined the army and that left just Staci and Paige and their mother.
Uncle Harry’s house had been willed to the three children, but Darlene had sold it and made them sign the papers. With the money, she’d bought a new car and a used one for Staci. She’d blown the rest on frivolous stuff. They didn’t live that far from the school and after Staci graduated and went to work, Paige walked to school. But after she fell in love with Jude, he always picked her up.
Jude.
He’d gotten her through high school. He’d gotten her through so much of her horrendous life. And then...
“How did your talk go with Jude?” Staci asked, frowning at the pan of dirty water from cleaning the fridge. “We can keep our cold drinks in here while we’re working and that’s probably it. The owners will probably dump it.”
“We didn’t get to talk much. He got a call from the school about his son and he left quickly.”
“Did he say anything about his son or his wife or girlfriend?”
“No, and I really don’t want to know. I just want him to go with me to talk to Mrs. Carstairs.”
Staci stopped what she was doing to look at Paige, who was throwing items from the cabinets into a big trash can. “Kiddo, do you think that’s the best decision? It’s been a long time and it might be best for you, for everyone, to let it go.”
“I can’t, Staci. I need answers to go on.” Paige leaned against the cabinet. “I’ve made so many bad decisions and I know I can’t go back and change that. But to go forward I have to feel good inside about what happened. I don’t know if that’s ever going to happen, but I know I have to have some answers.”
“Did Jude say he would go with you?”
“He didn’t say much of anything, but that’s Jude. He doesn’t talk much. He said he would come by here when he got through at school and I’m going to ask him again.”
Staci closed the refrigerator and wiped her hands on her jeans. “I don’t mean to hurt you, but how is knowing you had a son or daughter going to help you feel any better? The baby is still gone. I think it’s time you face that. That’s the only thing that’s going to give you closure. Just be grateful you gave the child a life and probably a very good one with a nice family who’s spoiling the devil out of it.”
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