Thanksgiving Daddy
Rachel Lee
Honour, duty and loyalty drove Major Edith Clapton to risk her life flying Combat Search and Recovery in Afghanistan. Hunger, desire and lust drove her into the arms of Seth Hardin, a gorgeous Navy SEAL she had airlifted to safety.Their epic one-night stand in the shadow of the Afghan mountains has left Edie facing the most important mission of her life: motherhood.After sharing her news, Edie is stunned by Seth’s insistence on being a father to his child – and the bewildering feelings this practical stranger has stirred within her. This wasn’t part of her life-in-the-Navy plan!Should she flee back to military life for a desk job and single parenthood? Or give thanks for this unexpected family?
A one-night stand between a SEAL and an air force major results in a holiday baby in New York Times bestselling author Rachel Lee’s new addition to the popular miniseries Conard County: The Next Generation!
Honor, duty and loyalty drove Major Edith Clapton to risk her life flying Combat Search and Recovery in Afghanistan. Hunger, desire and lust drove her into the arms of Seth Hardin, a gorgeous navy SEAL she had airlifted to safety. Their epic one-night stand in the shadow of the Afghan mountains has left Edie facing the most important mission of her life: motherhood.
After sharing her news, Edie is stunned by Seth’s insistence on being a father to his child—and the bewildering feelings this practical stranger has stirred within her. This wasn’t part of her life-in-the-navy plan! Should she flee back to military life for a desk job and single parenthood? Or give thanks for this unexpected family?
“Am I still a challenge?”
“You’re carrying my son inside of you. How could you not be a challenge? But you’re still sexy as hell.”
Edie swore quietly.
“Sorry,” Seth said. “If you don’t like peeks inside my head, don’t ask.”
She faced him then. “You know, Seth Hardin, you’re driving me nuts. We can’t have a discussion like this on a public street.”
He pointed. “Half a block that way.”
She started marching quick time, looking for all the world as if she were on parade, back stiff, strides even and firm. He kept up without difficulty.
“Don’t get breathless,” he said.
“Oh, shut up.”
He almost grinned. No more eggshells, at least for now. The gloves were off.
Conard County: The Next Generation
Dear Reader,
For many, many years now I’ve been asked to write a full book for Seth Hardin. He first appeared in Point of No Return a very long time ago and even though he had a romance as a secondary character in a Conard County single title, then another in a Christmas novella, I still get a lot of requests.
It tickles me that so many readers wanted him to have his own book, but achieving that had become difficult. When I wrote his first romance with Darlene, I had no idea how many readers wanted him to have his own book. After that, the requests started to come in and I did the novella. Well, here we are two marriages down the road and the requests still come regularly. I had to find a way to work around that, but I finally did.
So here it is, Seth Hardin as the hero in his own book. I hope you enjoy what ensues after he has a one-night stand with an air force pilot in Afghanistan. Things get complicated quickly, but love is rarely easy, especially with an unexpected baby on the way.
Hugs,
Rachel
Thanksgiving Daddy
Rachel Lee
www.millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk)
RACHEL LEE was hooked on writing by the age of twelve and practiced her craft as she moved from place to place all over the United States. This New York Times bestselling author now resides in Florida and has the joy of writing full-time.
To my babies, all grown now. I’m so proud of you.
Contents
Prologue (#uf74c8b35-c72d-5f5e-9d1e-75523104a7df)
Chapter One (#ua7c1bb73-8be4-5b04-8d9d-08f15b1e7fde)
Chapter Two (#uad86b893-64f1-5769-818a-51ea627c6ff2)
Chapter Three (#uc9cec4dd-fc1e-5a33-a0b9-97ab243bf27a)
Chapter Four (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Five (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Six (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Seven (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Eight (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Nine (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Ten (#litres_trial_promo)
Epilogue (#litres_trial_promo)
Prologue
Flying with the air force combat search and rescue team had given Major Edith Clapton nerves of steel. At least when she was in the middle of all hell breaking loose. This op had been like many other ops, flying into enemy territory to pull out a recon unit, this time a group of navy SEALs. She didn’t want to know their mission. None of her business. Her job was to fly that Pave Hawk helicopter in and pull them out no matter how dangerous it became.
This time there had been gunfire and rocket-propelled grenades, enough to put her teeth on edge, especially during the part where she had to hover over a cliff top that simply didn’t seem big enough, getting far closer than she would have liked, given her rotors.
It had been close, but there had been wounded in the team she was picking up, one of whom needed a litter, and under fire there was no way she could use a rope lift. They needed to be in and out as fast as possible, with minimal exposure to those attackers on the surrounding mountains.
So trying to hover while nearly scraping the ground of a nearby cliff, holding perfectly still while fire came her way...well, it might take some time to calm down completely. The nerves of steel that helped her on missions never failed to desert her back at the base.
After showering, she headed to the officers’ club, looking for a good meal and an illicit drink or two. Illicit because legally no alcohol was allowed in Afghanistan, but somehow it made its way in to the bases anyway.
She drank only after a mission, and only a couple of drinks. There were too many others around her to remind her that alcohol could become a crutch. She didn’t want any crutches, but she did want to wind down. Every nerve and muscle in her body seemed to be shrieking.
She nodded to the people she knew, which was nearly every officer at this base, and found herself a rickety table in the corner. They were supposedly at the rear of all the fighting, but that could change at any moment. In the meantime, this clone of the U.S. tried to pass for normal, with hurriedly built structures, a few fast-food joints and an exchange.
It didn’t quite deceive anyone, but it was sure better than some of the firebases she had seen. For some, spending time here almost amounted to a vacation.
She saw the SEAL team walk in just as she was being served a steak. Yeah, a real steak. It hardly seemed fair when so many of her fellow troops would be dining on barely warmed freeze-dried rations tonight. It was, however, one of the perks of being stationed at a permanent base. Well, semipermanent. She let the politics of it all fly by her.
She was on her second drink and halfway through her steak when one of the SEALs she had rescued pulled out a chair and sat across from her.
“Mind?” he asked.
“We’re not supposed to hang,” she reminded him. Like many of his type, he seemed to be all hard angles and planes encased in muscle. Short dark hair, brown eyes that held flecks of green. Just sitting there, he looked dangerous.
“No one knows you pulled us out today. Besides, if we can’t trust the people in this room, who can we trust?” He stuck out his hand. “Seth Hardin.”
She shook it, taking in the subdued captain’s eagle, which was stitched into the collar of his camouflage uniform. His rank was the naval equivalent of the air force’s colonel. “Edith Clapton.”
“That was some flying job you did out there,” he said.
“Thanks. Your guys okay?”
“One just got winged. We’re still waiting to hear about the other. Your medics probably saved his life.”
That was the other part of the job: she extracted, but in the rear of her helicopter she carried the bare bones of an emergency medical team when it was needed. Today it had been needed. They’d done some stripping in the cabin to make room. “That’s what we do.”
He smiled faintly. “Doesn’t mean I can’t be grateful.”
The waiter, a civilian working for a contractor, came over to take his order. He wanted a steak, too, and a couple of beers.
“Time to forget,” he said.
She couldn’t agree more. There’d be another mission, tomorrow or the next day, but for right now it was time to play the mental game of “everything’s normal and okay.” And maybe it was, as much as it could be in the middle of a war.
“Let me buy you another drink,” he said. “It’s the least I can do.”
“I usually limit myself to two.”
A sparkle came into his green-brown eyes. “Usually. Maybe tonight is different. It’s just one more. I don’t want to give you a hangover.”
She hesitated, then said, “Thanks.” Another whiskey. More wind-down. Just this once. Maybe it would quiet the tingling awareness of Seth’s masculinity. A need, probably adrenaline-fueled, to have wild sex with him and make the world go away.
Damn, she’d avoided that through her entire career. She knew what some of the men whispered behind her back and she didn’t care. She just knew how badly getting involved with a fellow officer could mess up her career, and her career was everything to her. One little misstep and her promotion would never happen. Or she’d be accused of ugly things she never wanted to hear. The other whispers were preferable.
As for getting involved with a civilian? Well, who the hell had time? On her stateside rotations, she was usually buried in training. Either her own or that of others. Catching up, keeping up and honing her skills, not to mention getting the master’s degree the air force had demanded before her promotion to major. And the war college courses. She didn’t have time for much else, and joining her comrades to hang out at a bar looking for quickies didn’t appeal to her at all.
She had a few good friends, people she preferred to get together with for cards or some other pastimes. No men, no sex. It kept things clean.
So why was she sitting here wondering if she’d been making a mistake all this time? Because one handsome dude had sat across from her and bought her a drink?
Damn, she needed to unwind. Her thoughts were a little messed up.
“That was some flying you did,” he repeated. “I can’t imagine maneuvering a bird that big into a keyhole like that and holding it steady, and you did it under some pretty heavy fire. You must have amazing nerves.”
She shrugged her shoulder. “It’s what I do. I’ve done it a lot. The reaction waits for later.”
“Yeah. It does.” His gaze said he knew exactly what she meant. Maybe he did. SEALs had nerves of steel, too, but maybe when they got back from a mission they needed to come down from it. Well, hell, yeah, she thought. She’d heard about more than one brawl involving them. Fighting out the tension probably worked as good as sex. How would she know?
Halfway through the meal, he asked something that nearly sobered her up. “You find it hard to talk to civilians now?”
“Yeah. They don’t know.”
His gaze grew distant. “They can’t know. I don’t want them to know, but even if we try to talk they haven’t been here.” He shook his head and came back to her. “I honestly don’t want them to understand. Why should they? Bad enough we have to.” He looked at his hands, fisting them then unclenching them. “But we know, don’t we, Major? We know what we’re capable of.”
He probably more than she, she thought. Oh, heck. “Call me Edie.”
“Seth,” he responded. Then he shook off the mood and gave her a smile so charming it almost took her breath away. “Birds of a feather and all that. Who else can you talk to?”
“I don’t know where you’ve been,” she reminded him.
“You don’t want to. I don’t want to tell you, either. I just want to have some fun tonight. It was close today. We’re damn lucky you got there when you did. So I’m feeling grateful to you, grateful to be alive and grateful my team is alive. That’s a lot to be happy about.”
He lifted his beer in toast. “To life. Wouldn’t want to be without it.”
She had to laugh, and as the sound escaped her, she felt the last of her tension evaporating. She raised her own glass then sipped the whiskey.
Things seemed to become a blur after that. Later she would think she should never have had that third whiskey, even while she was eating. Or maybe she’d had a fourth?
She vaguely remembered somehow sitting at the bar with Seth as the place started emptying out. Sort of remembered him walking her back to her quarters, nothing but a tiny room, shoddily built. She remembered laughing, remembered him steadying her a bit.
Remembered him apologizing for buying her too many drinks. “I should have been able to say no.” It was true. And she really wasn’t that drunk.
She remembered clearly, though, waking in the wee hours. Finding him lying beside her. A quick panicked check told her she was fully clothed and so was he. They were just sleeping it off.
But as soon as the panic eased, something else surged. Wild after years of self-denial, it rose violently, like an erupting volcano: desire.
God, he was good-looking. She ran her eyes over him in the dim light from the shaded lamp across the room. Not much to see in his BDUs, but she drank him in anyway. Just once she wanted to know, and for some reason she wanted to know with this man.
Stupid, she tried to tell herself, but her body continued to grow heavy with hunger, and a deep throbbing began between her thighs. She could die tomorrow or the next day. Why did she keep putting off something so important? Because of her career?
Reasons that had made sense for a decade now all of a sudden weren’t making any sense. She’d seen men and women die out here, and knew how it could come without warning, despite every sensible precaution. Life was short, and the longer she was out here the more it felt like she was riding the edge of it. How many more missions before she bought it? How many times could she cheat death?
His eyes opened and saw her looking at him. “You’re a beautiful sight to wake to.”
She doubted it. Living out here had made her relinquish the last female trappings. Her red hair was short, well shy of being bald the way a lot of the men went for, but short enough to be boyish. No perfume, no makeup, and messy and grungy from sleep.
But he saw something else. Flames seemed to dance in his eyes. “Me, too” was all he said.
Every last thought flew out of her head. She never thought about her own lack of protection. She didn’t care that he actually pulled on a condom. She was simply past thinking.
He assumed she had done this before, and she was vaguely glad. He didn’t hesitate, or question, or wonder. He just took, and that’s exactly what she wanted right now.
Getting their uniforms and boots off might have been funny if they hadn’t been so driven. Damn, she felt like a pillar of fire, filled with need so strong she couldn’t fight it.
He tore at her clothes, she tore at his. As quickly as they could, they got naked, then tumbled onto the cot again. A narrow cot, barely making room for the two of them. Who cared?
It was fast, and it was furious. He licked and sucked at her breasts as her hands wandered naively over his back and shoulders. She didn’t know exactly what to do, but her hips rose to meet his, and that seemed to be the important thing.
She’d never felt like this before. A whole new world of sensation was opening in her, and she loved it. She hadn’t imagined being with a man could be so good.
Hot and heavy sensations filled her. Stifled cries escaped her. She was searching for something and didn’t really know what it was.
Then he plunged into her. At once she gasped. A sharp pain seared her, almost ruining the moment.
“My God,” he said.
No, don’t let it stop, not now. She needed this desperately. Not knowing what else to do, she grabbed his hips and urged him on, bucking wildly in her need.
After the briefest hesitation, he bent his head again to her breast and began to move in and out of her in a steady, deepening rhythm. Carrying her higher and higher, as if she rode a rocket.
Culmination came almost too soon, as if her body had waited forever for this release. She peaked, rose up to meet him and whimpered as an almost agonizing pleasure filled her. Moments later, he drove deep into her, shuddering.
* * *
“Why didn’t you tell me?” he asked later.
“I didn’t want you to know.”
“I’d have been more careful.”
“I didn’t want careful. I wanted exactly that.”
He looked deep into her eyes, then nodded. “I’m leaving today. I should have told you that. Let me buy you breakfast.”
She pulled on a fresh uniform, cleaned up as best she could at the sink, aware of his gaze on her.
“Don’t be mad,” she said finally.
“I’m not mad. I just wish I could have done better by you.”
“You did just fine.” She managed a smile. “I don’t regret it, Seth, so don’t ruin it.”
At last he smiled. “Fair enough.”
They went to get breakfast at the canteen. Early though the hour was, the place was filling up. With little privacy, they could only talk desultorily. He mentioned his parents, his home back in Wyoming and how he hoped to go back there soon.
She talked a little about her life back in the States, although there wasn’t much to tell. No family left. That bothered her. She would have at least liked to have a family to go home to.
But mostly she talked about her career, and how it was the centerpiece of her life.
“I get it,” he said. “Believe me. I’m thinking about retiring, though.”
“Will they let you?”
His smile was crooked. “I’m starting to get past my use-by date. I don’t see my future behind a desk.”
“I hear you.”
Finally he pulled a pad out of one of the many pockets on his uniform, and scribbled something. “If you need me, you can reach me through my family.”
“Why would I need you?”
He just shrugged. “You never know.” He rose and offered his hand. She shook it. “I hope I see you again.”
She doubted he would. SEALs came and went all over the globe, almost like ghosts. Here then gone. She looked at the scrap of paper and tossed it on her plate as trash.
She didn’t even dream what a mistake that might be. Or that eventually she would remember that scrawl.
Chapter One
As she approached Conard City, Edith Clapton wondered if there was even a town out here. Endless miles of empty grazing land, cattle here and there and finally a couple of roadhouses were the only signs that people actually lived out here.
Her hands tightened on the wheel, and a glance at her GPS told her she was getting close. Not for the first time she wondered if she had lost her mind.
She was pregnant. Nearly five months. And she’d spent a whole lot of time gnawing around about whether she should tell Seth Hardin he was a father. She’d tried once to track him down through the military, and had been extraordinarily relieved when she couldn’t find him. She didn’t want to do this, didn’t want to face it, but she kept feeling she at least owed it to him to tell him he was going to have a kid.
She didn’t need child support, she didn’t want a stranger intimately involved in her life. Lots of good reasons for just keeping her mouth shut. Except for that feeling that a father needed to know he had a child. Whether he wanted to be part of this kid’s life or not.
She couldn’t seem to get around that, and God knew she had tried. Maybe the thing that had hit her hardest was the idea of having to tell this child that his father didn’t even know he existed. Boy, wouldn’t that make her feel like slime.
So okay, she’d drop the bomb on his parents—easier than telling him—and leave. Just leave. Get her duty done then forget about it. If Seth wanted to hunt her up someday and meet his kid, nothing would stop him. It wasn’t as if she was impossible to find.
Damn, everything was all messed up. Pulled off flying status, stuck behind a desk until after her maternity leave, superior officers hinting that she might want to consider some other career path with a kid to consider. She didn’t want to give up flying. She loved it. And maybe she had a hankering for the adrenaline, too.
Regardless, she was feeling an adrenaline rush as she reached town at last, and houses sprang up, most close together, most older. The time was getting close.
She wondered how she’d be received. Probably like an unwelcome messenger. Probably with anger and doubt. Well, she didn’t care. She would do what was right then shake the dust from her heels.
She would try to put back together a life and a career that had been shattered by unwelcome news. Her rise to the top had probably come to a halt. How could it not, unless she gave up the baby. She couldn’t do that, though. Those thoughts had danced around in her head, even pummeled her at times, but somehow she couldn’t bear the idea of giving up that little life growing in her, a life that had seemed real almost from the instant she learned of it, that had become very real from the first little bubble of movement she felt.
Abandon the kid so she could continue rising? No way. She might be tied to a desk from here on out, but she’d be the best damn desk jockey in the air force, if it came to that. Maybe she had enough behind her to keep her going up, but she doubted it. Kids weren’t supposed to be a factor in what assignments you could perform. You were supposed to have someone who could step in to parent while you had to be away.
She had no one. Raised by her grandmother after her mother had died of a drug overdose, she was now alone in the world. No one to turn to except herself. She was used to that. But farewell to her career, most likely. She’d make it twenty years, realize the promotions wouldn’t come again, and she’d have to pull out.
Well, she wasn’t going to abandon her kid the way her mother had abandoned her. That was the strongest determination in her right now.
And all of these thoughts had long since been worked out. All of them. She was just trying to avoid thinking about the uncomfortable conversation ahead. A conversation that she hoped would happen on a doorstep. Then she would turn and leave for good.
The town had slid into autumn. Leaves shone in brilliant gold. Those that had already fallen tumbled along sidewalks and streets in a light breeze. Here and there pumpkins, skeletons and waving white ghosts announced the approach of Halloween. Pretty place, she supposed, if you wanted to turn the clock back. Of course, she was a lousy judge. Sterile military environments had been her only home for a long time now.
The voice of the GPS, silenced so often in the empty prairies, resurrected and offered her no mercy. It told her to turn left, and she did, until she reached what she supposed was a newer subdivision. Post–World War II at least. Maybe post-Vietnam. Despite looking like it had tumbled out of a box that contained only one design, it was neat and even colorful. She guessed no one here thought about deed restrictions. Some of the houses were almost blinding in their brightness.
“You have arrived.”
“Shut up,” she said to the GPS. She slowed and stopped and looked at the house number. No escape. She was here.
The house was a white ranch-style, sprawling, set on a well-tended lawn that was beginning to fade with autumn. Rose bushes, barren of all but a few flowers, climbed a trellis beside the door. A sporty little car sat in the driveway.
She turned off the ignition and sat listening to the engine tick as it cooled. Hell, she didn’t even feel this much trepidation before a dangerous mission. The neighborhood might have been empty. Not a soul in sight, not even a moving car. Unknown territory.
Well, maybe the Tates didn’t live here anymore. If so, that would be the end of her search.
She realized she was thinking like a coward. Just do it. What was the worst that could happen? She got called a liar and a door slammed in her face? Hardly an incoming rocket-propelled grenade.
Sighing, she at last climbed out of the car and straightened her cammies. She refused to wear the air force’s ugly pregnancy jumper, and she’d just started to show enough that she had to cover up somehow. A bigger cammie shirt, a larger waistband, they’d do for now. Later? She didn’t want to think about it.
Her feet felt like lead as she walked up the path to the front door. She might be ruining someone else’s life here. She didn’t even know if Seth was married. Still, the sense of obligation drove her. He had a right to know, even if he wanted to forget it immediately.
And her kid had a right to know that his father had been told. If Seth wanted no part of him, she figured that would be easier to explain than not telling the kid’s father at all.
Maybe.
Drawing a deep breath, she raised her hand and pressed the bell. For a minute or two there was no response, and just as she was beginning to hope no one was home, the door opened.
A pleasantly plump woman regarded her with a smile. Graying hair that still showed threads of red, bright green eyes. And damn, Edie could see Seth in her face.
“Yes?” the woman asked.
“Mrs. Tate, I’m Major Edith Clapton. I met Seth Hardin once. He’s your son, right?”
“Of course he is. Would you like to come in?”
Edie shook her head quickly. “I just wanted him to know...I guess I need to tell him...well, I’m pregnant.”
The woman’s hand flew to her mouth. Then in an instant everything changed. Before Edie could march away as she intended, a hand clasped her arm and started drawing her inside.
“You have to come in,” Mrs. Tate said. “Coffee? Tea? Maybe some milk and cookies? Oh, dear, this is...probably upsetting for you, but a pure delight to me. At least I think it is.”
A delight for her? Edie felt stunned, which was probably the only reason she allowed herself to be ushered into a cheerful living room, seated on a sofa and then served cookies.
“Milk, tea, coffee?”
“Coffee if you don’t mind,” Edie said, almost numb with amazement. She hadn’t been prepared for this kind of reception at all. “The doc says it’s okay and I haven’t had any yet today.” Explaining something she shouldn’t need to explain to this grandmotherly woman.
“Coffee is something we always have around here,” the woman said wryly. “Call me Marge, please. I’ll be right back.”
It wasn’t long before she held a mug of coffee in her hand. Those peanut butter cookies looked good, and her stomach was settling enough now that she felt she could eat one. Marge sat right beside her on the couch.
“So tell me,” she said to Edie. “Everything.”
Oh, God, tell this woman she’d had a one-nighter with her son at a base in Afghanistan? No way. But how could she lie? Starting with a lie would only get her in a tangle of mixed-up explanations.
Just bite the bullet.
“Seth and I met once,” she said. “Over there. Just once.”
“Ah.” Understanding came to Marge’s eyes. “I see. You haven’t seen him since?”
“No. I thought about not telling him, but that didn’t seem right. Anyway, if you could just let him know, I’ll be on my way. I don’t want anything.”
“You don’t want anything.” Marge repeated the words. “Maybe not. You must be pretty self-sufficient to be a major wearing those wings. But what about what the rest of us want?”
Us? It was a concept Edie hadn’t considered. “Seth can decide if he wants any part of this. I didn’t come to pressure him. I just felt he had a right to know.”
“He absolutely has a right. But then there’s me. I’d like to be part of my grandchild’s life. So would Seth’s father, Nate. I’m sure of that.”
The complications were mounting rapidly. She hadn’t bargained on a whole damn family. This was supposed to be her decision, and maybe Seth’s, but not anybody else’s.
“Mrs. Tate...Marge...this has to be my decision, and Seth’s.”
“You’re not giving it up, are you?” The woman looked troubled now.
“No, I’m not giving it up. I’ll raise it. But...it’s my decision.”
“Ultimately, yes.” Marge hesitated, then shook her head. “I’m going to tell you a story. It’s still painful after all these years. How well do you know Seth?”
“Not at all, embarrassingly enough.”
Marge nodded. “That’s all right. Things happen. I ought to know. Years ago before we married, I became pregnant by Seth’s father. He went back to Vietnam and, well, my father got involved. I didn’t know it, but he was stealing my letters to Nate, and stealing Nate’s to me. So I thought Nate didn’t want me. End result, I got shipped off to a cousin to have Seth, and he was put up for adoption.”
Edie hadn’t expected this. Even less had she expected her reaction to this news. She felt a twist of anguish for this woman, and for Seth, too. “I wouldn’t do that.”
“Times have changed. Back then, well, a girl just didn’t get pregnant. It was the worst shame possible. I was young. I thought Nate had abandoned me. I was a mess and did what I was told because I couldn’t see another option.”
“I’m sorry.”
“So was I for a long time. Then I got even sorrier. Twenty-seven years later, Seth turned up on the doorstep. I had to come clean and it nearly destroyed my marriage to Nate. It took him a while to get over the deception. So yes, you absolutely must tell Seth. I think he’d be furious if you did anything else. He has experience of those lies, you see.”
Edie nodded numbly, feeling things were moving too fast, spiraling out of control. “But it’s not my place to make up for your past.”
Marge’s face tightened. “No, it’s not. All I’m asking is for you to be smarter than I was.”
“I’m here.” As if that answered everything. “And I need to get back.” To what, she didn’t know. She had a month’s leave on her hands and no plans past getting this news to Seth. Marge could pass it along. “You tell him. I’m stationed at Minot right now. He can find me—us—if he wants.”
She put her coffee mug on the end table and started to rise. Marge’s hand on her arm stayed her.
“Please don’t rush off. Nate should be here any minute, and Seth will be here for dinner. You should join us.”
All of a sudden everything was mixed up. She had come here with the single-minded focus she applied to her missions. Do the job and get out. She hadn’t even been sure if her self-imposed orders had been the right ones, but she had completed them. Evidently getting out wasn’t going to be easy.
But how difficult could it be to appease this woman with the warm eyes, who was pleading with her to stay? Dinner? Meeting Seth’s father? Seeing Seth again? Surely she had faced harder things, things she had wanted to do even less.
But she couldn’t escape the fact that her mouth was growing dry and her palms damp with nameless fear, a kind of fear she hadn’t felt in a long time. How could she be so afraid of seeing two people? And while Seth was a virtual stranger, she had already known him in the most intimate way possible.
So what could happen? Likely Nate would be as warm as Marge. Seth might be cold, or he might be friendly, but one way or another this would get settled and she could return to her life without any more questions hanging over her. Her duty would be well and fully completed.
“All right,” she heard herself say. “Thank you.”
What the hell was she getting into?
* * *
The next hour passed easily enough. Marge changed the topic to safer things, talking about her six daughters, their husbands and what seemed to be a mob of grandchildren. Edie’s head was soon awhirl with names she would never sort out and was sure she wouldn’t need to. Then there was some talk about how Seth’s father had been the sheriff here until he retired and how glad Marge was to have him underfoot all the time. And how glad she was to have Seth home for good.
“He never blamed me for giving him up,” Marge said. “Nate did, though. It was hard.”
And somehow they had come back to the central reason for Edie’s visit. She was actually relieved to hear the front door open. Once she got through this dinner, this meeting with Seth and his father, she could leave. She would leave. Six daughters? Really?
From somewhere came an irrepressible bubble of amusement, imagining the hard-edged SEAL she had met dealing with the sudden discovery of six sisters. Even if he had been a man when he met them, it must have been a culture shock.
But then she heard the door open and close, felt her heart slam with the door and looked up. Astonishment shook her to her toes as she stared at a man who resembled an older, slightly heavier version of Seth. There could be no mistaking the relationship.
“Well, hello,” he said, with a smile she actually recognized.
Marge jumped up and hurried to her husband for a hug and a quick kiss. Edie clenched her hands on her lap, managing a nod and a strained smile.
“Edie, this is Seth’s father, Nate. Nate, Major Edith Clapton. She knows Seth from Afghanistan. I think.”
“Afghanistan,” Edie said, giving a slight nod.
“So you came to visit Seth?” Nate’s smile broadened and he walked into the room, extending his hand. “Nice to meet you.”
Edie shook his hand, feeling the warm strength of his grip, but didn’t rise. She wasn’t sure her legs could hold her. A flicker of unfamiliar panic struck her. How had she let herself become roped into this?
Nate looked at his wife. “You asked the girls to come to dinner, too, I hope. I’m sure they’d like to meet Seth’s friend.”
Marge bit her lip. Clearly Nate was perceptive, more perceptive than most men. He looked from one woman to the other, then slowly sat in an armchair. “Okay, what’s going on?”
Edie tried to frame an answer, but Marge forestalled her. “Well, dear, Seth doesn’t know yet, but we’re going to be grandparents again.”
Nate looked dumbstruck. Edie waited tensely, alternating between the urge to just get up and walk out and the urge to shrink into the couch. All she had wanted to do was pass the word to the one person who needed to know, and now she was caught in a spiderweb of family reactions she hadn’t wanted to cause, and things seemed to be growing more complicated by the second. Maybe she should have just written a letter.
But then her sterner nature returned in a surge, and she squared her shoulders. She had dealt with tougher stuff than this, countless times. At least nobody here was trying to kill her. It was ridiculous to panic. There was absolutely no reason for it.
“I should go,” she said firmly. “I didn’t come here intending to upset everyone. I just thought Seth had a right to know. There’s no reason for either of you to be concerned about this.”
“No reason?” Nate repeated the words. “Sorry, Major, but I don’t agree. There’s always room in this family for another grandchild. You’re staying here until we’re clear on that at least.”
She bridled a bit and wanted to tell him that he couldn’t make her stay, but she realized that wasn’t what he meant. “Look,” she said finally. “I only came because I felt Seth had a right to know. He can make whatever decision he wants. I don’t want anything from him or anyone else.”
“Really.” Nate’s expression hovered somewhere between a smile and a frown. “It’s your decision, of course. And his.”
Marge didn’t look happy about the easy capitulation, but said nothing.
“Exactly,” Edie said emphatically. She felt a surprising surge of warmth for the man and his understanding.
Nate settled back in his chair. “So tell me what you do in the air force, Major.”
So she told him, glad of the relatively neutral topic. He asked cogent questions, indicating some military background, and he, more than Marge, seemed to understand the dangers of what she and her crew did. He didn’t point them out, though, merely nodded his understanding. Marge seemed quite taken with the idea that Edie flew helicopters.
“In my day,” she said, “they didn’t let women do anything like that.”
“They do now,” Edie said.
“And in combat, too,” Marge said, looking as if she hadn’t really given it much thought. “My, things change.”
“They certainly do,” Nate agreed. “Although in my day, and probably earlier, women got right into the thick of it anyway. I saw more than a few nurses find themselves on the front lines, for all they were supposed to be noncombatants.”
“At least now,” Edie said, trying to lighten it a bit, “we come armed.”
Nate flashed a smile.
Edie could feel her nerves stretching, despite the casual conversation. Seth was going to walk in that door soon, and she couldn’t imagine his reaction. Not that she should care, she told herself. She didn’t even know the man. They’d had a stupid fling, a couple of meals, then gone their own ways. Less than twelve hours.
Which made him a perfect stranger, however intimate they’d become for an hour. Therefore she shouldn’t care how he reacted at all. He was a cipher in her life, a mere sperm donor. Damn, when she looked back on it, it had been so brief it really hadn’t been much more personal than getting a sperm donation.
Except she knew she was fooling herself. One wild night, a night she’d never forgotten and now knew she would never be able to forget. Hasty, unsparing, basic lovemaking that had birthed her into a new aspect of her womanhood, and now was bringing her a totally different future. A child, a new career path.
No, she couldn’t remain entirely indifferent to Seth. He’d given her two great gifts but had also ripped away all her goals and aims. Talk about a life-altering experience.
She’d been furious for a while. First at him, but she well remembered him rolling that condom on. “Even with perfect use they fail two or three percent of the time,” the gynecologist had said. Great. Still, she couldn’t blame Seth. She could only blame herself for giving in to impulses she had wisely avoided for years.
So she had turned the anger inward. She considered ending the pregnancy, but somehow that wasn’t in her. Just wasn’t something she could do, however sensible some of her friends tried to tell her it would be. Sensible ceased to matter. She sheltered a life within her womb, and when the first stirrings came, the arguments ended as far as she was concerned.
The odds had turned on her. They could have turned on her in far worse ways, and as she grew used to the idea, she began to like it. She was going to have a baby. Okay, deal. Make the best of it. And in some ways, it seemed like the best.
In others, not so much.
Like right now. She knew how angry she had been at first. She figured Seth would feel about the same, and just hoped he didn’t accuse her of fingering him as the father when it could be someone else. Hell, if he demanded a paternity test, he’d be breathing her dust faster than...
She caught herself and stopped. This was ridiculous. She didn’t know how he would react and imagining scenarios wouldn’t help. Just deal, the way she dealt with whatever came her way.
Marge refreshed her coffee, urging her to eat another cookie. The brief relaxation had fled, though, and the thought of trying to eat turned her stomach. This was not just a pleasant afternoon visit with an older couple. She had come to wreck some guy with news no one wanted.
She began to question all the arguments she’d had with herself about whether to tell him. Maybe she had reached exactly the wrong conclusion. Maybe she should have just left it alone.
What the hell had made her think he had a right to know? The fact that she didn’t want to look into a little boy’s eyes someday and admit she hadn’t told his father about him?
All of a sudden that seemed very weak.
“You’re doing the right thing,” Nate said.
Startled by his voice, she looked at him and realized she had gone far away in her thoughts. “Why?”
“Because I know how furious I was that nobody told me. No decent man wants to find out that he was locked out of his child’s life.” He hitched up one corner of his mouth. “Which is not to say he might not be a little angry at first.”
“I certainly was.”
Nate nodded. “And I hear his car. Marge, you and I need to take a walk.”
“But...” Then Marge nodded. “I guess you’re right.”
Nate winked at Edie. “She likes to manage things.”
Marge laughed, a surprisingly girlish sound, and headed toward the door with Nate. “We’ll give you a while.”
Edie didn’t think it was going to take long. She’d make the announcement and leave. That had been her plan all along. She should have been on the road over an hour ago.
She heard voices outside, thought she recognized Seth’s deep tones. Every nerve in her body stretched tight, and even the stirring of the child in her womb didn’t ease the anxiety. She rested her hand over her belly, an unconsciously protective gesture, and waited.
* * *
Seth was surprised to meet his parents on the way for a walk. As the autumn days grew more brisk, they seldom went out in the late afternoon for a stroll, but instead went earlier, before the afternoon breeze started.
“You have a friend visiting,” Nate said. “We thought we’d let you talk for a while.”
Then they walked off, leaving him wondering. They had seemed almost secretive, and why should he need privacy? Who the hell would be visiting him anyway? His friends were still almost all in the navy, and most were out of country right now.
Curious, he strode up to the door, wiping his hands once more on jeans that were dusty from the renovation he was doing on a house he’d bought.
When he stepped into the living room, the first thing he registered was a camo utility uniform. Then he saw the face above them.
“Edie!” He was startled. He remembered her well, from her short red hair and bright blue eyes to the delightful curves he’d found under her baggy camos. He had been dealing with a nagging sense that he’d taken advantage of a virgin, despite what she had said, but he had never expected to see her again, even though he had hoped he might. She had seemed perfectly willing to walk away. And it had been what—five months? Surely if she’d wanted to see him again, she would have written or something. He’d given her his parents’ address after all.
But there she sat, and it didn’t take him long to realize she wasn’t giving him a friendly smile. Far from it. He saw a tension in her face that would have been more understandable if she’d been about to leave on a mission.
“Edie?” Something was wrong. He stepped closer and hesitated. Should he shake her hand? Take a seat? Wait?
“Hi, Seth.” She managed a weak smile then.
With a growing sense of dread crawling across his nerve endings, but absolutely no idea what was going on here, he decided to offer a handshake. “How are you doing?”
She shook his hand, but even as she did so that forced smile vanished.
“You look like you’d rather be anywhere else,” he remarked, trying to lighten whatever was troubling her.
“I would,” she said flatly.
That disturbed him even more, but he guessed whatever it was would come when she was ready. He ran a rapid mental checklist and realized there was no way she could have come bearing bad news. They hadn’t known the same people. So what the hell? “Coffee?” he offered to fill the silence.
“No, thanks.”
He tried a smile of his own, thinking that she was just as beautiful as he remembered. Maybe even more so. But that seemed irrelevant right now. “So what’s going on?”
“I’m pregnant.”
Chapter Two
Edie watched the anger rise in him, watched the fury darken his face. Then he cussed so savagely even ears accustomed to it in the military almost cringed.
“Stay here,” he snapped. “Don’t go anywhere.”
Then he turned and stomped out. She heard the back door slam.
Stay here? Like hell. She’d done what she needed to do, and she sure wasn’t taking any orders from him. Strength flooded her and she stood up. Out of here now.
But damn, he was still as handsome as she remembered. His head was no longer shaved, but sported dark hair, a little shaggy. He looked good in jeans and a work shirt. Damn, he just plain looked good.
So what? She’d delivered her message, and if his anger was any indicator, she’d never have to worry about him again.
She put her mug on the end table, straightened up and squared herself. All of a sudden she felt amazingly light. She’d finished her mission. It was over, done. She really didn’t care what he thought. Having to tell him was a far cry from wanting anything from him.
And she wanted not one thing from him. Not one blasted thing. She was perfectly capable of raising a child by herself. She had done far harder things.
She walked to the front door, opened it and stepped out.
Marge and Nate Tate were right there. Apparently they hadn’t gone for a very long walk at all.
“Good meeting you,” Edie said brightly. “You’re very nice people. Maybe I’ll send you a photo when the baby is born.”
“Wait,” said Marge.
Edie shook her head. “I’m done here. I just came to let Seth know. He knows.”
“How did he take it?” Marge asked.
“He’s furious.”
“He’s shocked,” Nate countered. “Just shocked.”
“He’s furious,” Edie repeated. “I expected it, so I’ll just go home and leave you to deal with him. Sorry I made a mess.”
Nate reached out and put a hand on her shoulder. “I’m telling you, the boy is just shocked.”
“SEALs don’t shock easily,” she said, her voice growing harder. “Please let me pass.”
Nate dropped his hand and stepped to the side. Only Marge hindered her now, and the woman’s gaze was pleading. “I can’t stop you, but I wish you’d stay. If you won’t, promise you’ll at least keep in touch with us.”
“I’ll think about it.”
Then she eased past Marge and started toward her car again. It was amazing, she thought, how good she felt to have this off her back now. Done. Finished. Now she could move on.
She had just reached her car when she heard, “Edie, wait.”
She wanted to open that door, get in and peel out of here. Squealing tires would feel good right about now. But as quickly as the light feeling had filled her, it began to seep away. Maybe she wasn’t done here.
“Edie, please.”
She turned slowly and faced Seth. “You don’t have to say anything,” she said quietly. “Not one damn thing. I can manage. I just had this conviction that I needed to let you know. I don’t want anything from you, so I’m going.”
“Wait,” he said again, and approached slowly. “I wasn’t mad at you,” he said. His tone wasn’t conciliatory, but firm. Not pleading. What she would have expected of a SEAL. In command, even now. “I was mad at myself. Please listen.”
“There’s nothing to say.”
“There’s plenty to say. I was mad at myself, not you. I screwed up. I didn’t take good care of you.”
She shrugged. “Condoms have a certain percentage of failure. Not your fault. Nobody’s fault.”
“But...” He hesitated. “Don’t go. Not yet. I swear I won’t keep you too long, but we need to talk.”
“About what, Seth? That we made a mistake? That’s a given. I’m actually kind of happy that it happened, now that I’m used to the idea. So I’ll be fine. We’re done here.”
“We’re not done. Not at all. I have a child on the way, too. Don’t you at least owe me the consideration to discuss it?”
She realized she was starting to feel ornery and pressured, neither of which would do any good. She could either get in the car and leave, or she could stay a little longer to discuss it.
It wasn’t helping that she still felt the same attraction to him that had gotten her into this mess in the first place. She tore her gaze from him and looked away, past houses to the looming purple mountains in the distance. Vaguely, she thought it was pretty here.
She supposed she owed it to him. The thought seemed to come from far away, but soon it was at the forefront of her mind. Owed it to him to discuss it. Owed it to the baby growing inside her to at least give his father a chance to be part of his life. But what did she owe herself?
That seemed to be taking a backseat. Maybe, with a child in the picture, it always would.
“Mom and Dad will leave us alone,” he said. “If Mom gets too managing, we can go over to my place. But at least stay long enough to talk.”
“Okay,” she said reluctantly. “Just a talk.”
“Just a talk,” he agreed. “I need to absorb this, then we can discuss what I can do. Maybe how much of a dad I can be. I don’t want you to just walk away with everything up in the air.”
Everything up in the air? Just as she was feeling the situation had been settled, he was saying that? Well, she supposed it was, for him.
She shoved her keys back into her pocket and walked back toward the house beside him. Maybe the hard part was done. Maybe the conversation would be easy and civilized. And maybe they did need to talk. She had come all the way out here to give him the news for the sake of her child. Maybe this was something more she owed to the kid.
And that was a whole lot of maybes. She stifled a sigh. Apparently she had been wrong to think that simply delivering the news would settle everything.
Well, it might still. Nothing at all might come out of this conversation.
Marge and Nate were just inside the door. Marge beamed and announced that she would start dinner for all of them, then get a guest room ready. She buzzed away. Edie, who hadn’t agreed to stay that long, felt her stomach sink.
“Don’t mind her,” Nate said with a faint smile. “Cooking makes her feel good. You two do what you want.”
“We want a place to talk, or I can take her over to my place.”
All of a sudden Marge poked her head into the room. “Seth! You can’t take her to your place. It’s a mess!”
Seth sighed and shook his head. “Mom, I’ve seen where Edie’s been and I’ve seen what she can handle. It’s far worse than my renovation mess. Before you try to start mothering, remember this—this woman flies into heavy fire to pull out people like me. She’s perfectly capable of managing her own life.”
Marge blinked. “Oh.” Then she managed a smile. “You’re right, of course. Once a mother, always a mother. I can’t seem to stop.”
She vanished into her kitchen again. Nate eyed his son. “Be gentle with your mother, Seth. There’s a lot she can’t imagine, and I’d like her to stay that way.”
“I get it, Dad. But Edie extracted my team under some withering fire. I won’t have her disrespected.”
“It’s not disrespect,” Nate said. Then he turned to Edie. “Stay or go as you please. You’re welcome here.” Then he vanished into the kitchen after his wife.
“Wow,” Edie said quietly, feeling a little warmer toward Seth after the way he had spoken for her.
“My dad was a Green Beret in Vietnam,” Seth said. “I think there’s a lot he’s never told her.”
“Wise,” said Edie. She was of the school, so much like what Seth had said, that believed there was no good reason to strip away innocence. You talked to others who had been there, or not at all.
“We can talk here in the living room, in the family room or one of the bedrooms,” Seth said.
“Where’s most private?”
“Anywhere, right now. Dad just went to ensure it.”
She opted for the living room. She didn’t want to get in any deeper, and she knew where the exit was.
She sat on the couch again, and Seth took a chair facing her. He still looked good enough to eat, she thought irrelevantly, then caught herself. This was not the time, although it helped her remember how she had gotten herself into this fix. A short period of weakness and desire had changed her whole life. And now his, evidently.
“Are you married?” she asked.
“I was.” His mouth drooped a little. “Twice. Darlene bailed because she couldn’t handle my lifestyle and absences. She’s married to a rancher out here now. I married again a few years later. God, I loved that woman.”
“What happened?”
“A drunk driver hit her when she was on her way back from parent meetings at school. I lost her.”
Even as she felt a sickening pang for him, she also felt relieved. Contradictory emotions. “So I’m not wrecking a marriage.”
“God, no. There’s just me, and no kids. Until now.” He sat back in the chair, crossing his legs loosely, and regarded her steadily. “I was a big loser on the relationship thing in my first marriage, but so far I haven’t screwed up being a father. Whatever we decide, whatever you decide, I’m glad you told me.”
“So you’re not questioning you’re the father?” She was surprised to realize that the worry had been plaguing her. As if it mattered, given the decisions she had already made.
He appeared surprised. “Why would I? I may have only met you for a few hours, but I think I got a measure of you anyway. I picked up that honor, duty and loyalty aren’t empty words for you. I like that.”
“They’re not,” she agreed. In fact, they were the centerpiece of her life. Everything revolved around them. “Look, I don’t see how we can discuss much. You just found out. I needed a lot of time to work through things myself. So maybe I should just go, give you time to think about it, then we can talk.”
She was feeling an increasing need to hit the road again, mainly because her attraction to this man was growing. Being alone with him once had been a major mistake. One she didn’t want to repeat.
“There’ll be time,” he agreed. “But first I’d like to lay some groundwork. Areas we can discuss, what areas you’ve put off-limits. And of course I need to know how to find you. I’d hate to rattle the bars at Headquarters Air Force, especially since they’d want to know why.”
She looked away from him, trying to clear her thoughts, to organize things. “I’m keeping the baby, obviously.”
“You thought about it, I assume.”
“I did. I’m off flying status and tied to a desk. I hate it. And I’m looking at the end of my career dreams because I’m not just going to dump the kid on somebody else so I can racket around the world.”
He remained still. Then he said, “I appreciate that.”
“What?”
“That you’re not dumping the kid. That you won’t. I was adopted.”
“Your mom told me. How do you feel about that?”
“I had good adoptive parents. I never felt a lack, until they died. Then it became paramount to track down my real parents. I can’t quite explain why, but I understand it’s not unusual for adopted kids to feel a real need to find their birth parents.”
“I never considered it. I got a lot of pressure from friends to have an abortion. It’s just not in me.” Why she felt she needed to say that, she wasn’t certain. Maybe because she suspected he might be wondering why she hadn’t just dumped this “little problem.” So many of her friends had wondered.
“I’m glad you decided against it.”
“You’d never have known. And it’s too soon for you to be glad about anything.”
“Perhaps.” He studied her as if she were a puzzle. She probably was to him. “How soon do you have to go back?”
She was tempted to lie, but she never lied. So she told him the truth, even though it might be a mistake. “I just started a month’s leave.”
“Then, if I can persuade you to hang around, we have time to talk and work out some things.”
“What things? Just what, Seth? I can take care of this baby.”
“I believe you. But have you considered the baby could have a father around, at least once in a while? If you judge me fit, anyway. I’ve never tried my hand at it, and as you know, my background isn’t exactly preparation for fatherhood.”
An odd thing happened then. It was as if a new picture overlaid an old one. Somehow Seth went from being a SEAL—rough, rugged, tough and hard to the bone—to a man who felt some uncertainty and vulnerability.
“Oh, crap,” she said. She didn’t want to see him that way. The other version had been safer for her.
“What?” he asked.
She couldn’t answer him. She might be mistaken anyway. That was something only time would prove or disprove. “Nothing,” she said. “Look, I don’t want any pressure. Not for me, not for you. If you can promise me that if I stay I won’t get any arm-twisting, I guess I can stay for a few days.” She owed that to the baby. At least that’s what she told herself.
“I can promise I won’t,” he said. “As for my mother, I’ll do my best.”
In spite of herself, Edie smiled faintly. “She was ready to adopt me.”
“That’s her, all right. I’ll tell Dad to keep her at bay, and I’ll do my best. She has a huge heart, though. It’s not always easy for her to put it on a leash.”
“I could see that.” She liked Marge, but she didn’t want the woman trying to decide her life. “I’ve already had enough arm-twisting. From friends, from superiors who warned me I was killing my career.”
“Superior officers said that?” He looked disturbed.
“They pussyfooted around it, but the message was there. Take care of this little problem and stay on track.”
“That was out of line. But I guess they wanted to see you succeed.”
“Evidently. But as I’ve been coming to realize, there are other kinds of success. When my maternity leave is over, I’ll probably move to a training position.”
“Well, you have those all-important theater ribbons,” he said. “Probably a stack of medals, too. They might keep you going. I’ve seen a few guys go far on a lot less, because of their connections.”
“Yeah. I’m short on the connection department. And I’m not a man.”
That still made a difference. She was bucking a system weighted against her and she knew it. Making full colonel was probably her limit.
She looked down and realized her hand cradled her stomach. “I’ve lost my waist,” she remarked. “I still don’t show a whole lot, though.”
“You don’t show at all in those cammies. Boy or girl?”
“Boy.”
He smiled. “Well, I should at least know how to talk to a boy.”
“You can say that with six sisters?”
He laughed. “I’m still learning.”
She felt her lips twitch, and laughed, too. This hadn’t turned heavy or ugly as she had feared. He was trying so hard to put her at ease, and he was succeeding. She felt herself uncoiling, relaxing, no longer poised to defend herself. Amazing.
She felt a need to change the conversation, too. The baby had been obsessing her in so many ways for so long that she needed a break. The worst was over, at least for the moment. Time for a breather. “So you’re renovating a house?”
“Remodeling, really. The couple who lived there before owned it for forty years, and at some point they stopped keeping up. It’s outdated, but sound.”
“I take it then that you retired?”
“You bet. No desk for me.”
“How’s that working out?”
He laughed. “I can’t seem to stay busy enough. I’m used to go-go-go. Work hard, play hard and work some more. It’s a change. I could work as a deputy, but I’m not sure I’m ready for that. Or even that it’s what I want. I’m kind of up in the air a bit.”
She could get that. She still had her job, yet often felt that way. Somebody had picked up the jacks of her life and tossed them in the air.
Well, to be fair, she had done the tossing and she couldn’t even blame a couple of drinks too many. She had been neither drunk nor hungover when she’d had sex with Seth. She’d rolled the dice and lost, with nobody to blame but herself.
Getting used to the idea that this loss might turn into a win had taken months. She certainly couldn’t expect him to decide that any more quickly. But he was trying. An honorable man, if she could say little else about him yet. Honorable and respectful and sexy as hell. She wished she could remove that latter from the equation, but awareness kept insisting on tingling along her nerve endings. Damn, she could repeat her mistake.
She sighed.
“What?” he asked her.
“Just thinking.”
“You look tired.”
“I seem to tire more easily these days.”
“Want me to see if Mom got that room ready? You could take a nap before dinner.”
It was tempting, but she didn’t feel ready to get that relaxed or comfortable here. “Maybe later. I do need to get my feet up, though. I spent too long in the car and I can feel my boots getting tight.”
He was up and out of his chair like a shot, and pulled a hassock over for her. She raised her feet and rested them on it. “Thanks.”
“Want me to unlace your boots? To improve circulation?”
Damn, thoughtful, too. “If you do that my ankles might explode to grapefruits. Then what?”
He grinned. “You go around in your socks. No big deal.” His smile faded. “I can’t imagine the adjustments. I’d like to hear about them, when you feel like it.”
“Sure.” Dang, she was getting sleepy. It was as if the release of tension had released all her energy, as well.
“Can I get you something to drink?”
“Milk, please.”
He headed for the kitchen, giving her a few blessed minutes by herself. She needed them, needed to adjust to all that had happened, most of it unexpected. Space. Just a little space.
* * *
When Seth returned, he found her asleep. He stood in the door of the living room, tall glass of milk in hand, and studied her.
She was indeed as beautiful as he remembered. The creamy skin of her face had covered her entire body, and even now his hands remembered its silken feel. She had surprisingly delicate features, too, something you didn’t notice about her when she was acting, but only now, in repose. With her had returned all the memories of the night he had spent with her. She was fun, and she was hot. Very hot. One-night stands weren’t his style, either, although he’d probably indulged more than he should have over the years.
But damn, he’d never expected this. Not in a million years. Conflicting feelings roiled in him. He had to do the right thing, whatever that was, but a baby? A son? Nothing had prepared him for that, and right now he felt like a fish utterly out of water, a feeling he wasn’t at all used to.
There would have to be some adjustments, of course. He knew that for sure. Support. Visitation. He wasn’t going to remove himself from the life of a child he had helped create. No way. But how much would Edie allow? How good would he be? Shouldn’t a guy have some time to answer these questions before discovering that he had four months before the new arrival?
Well, he’d done a stupid thing, and now it had caught up with him. No input any longer about whether, now it was only how and how much. Choices had narrowed because of the reality of a new life.
He quietly returned to the kitchen to put the glass of milk in the refrigerator. “She’s napping.”
He should have guessed he would get cornered.
“What are you going to do?” Marge demanded.
“The right thing, Mom.”
“I hope you do more than that.”
Nate interrupted. “Marge, sometimes you start at the right thing because it’s the only place to start.”
Marge tightened her mouth. “I can’t believe you got that girl pregnant.”
“I’m no saint, Mom. The SEALs don’t make saints.”
She shook her head while her husband frowned at her. “That’s not an issue anymore, Marge. Let it go.”
“How can I let it go? Everything in Seth’s life turned into a mess. I can understand Darlene. He warned her she wouldn’t be able to take it. But Maria, too? Why do things keep going wrong?”
“She couldn’t help being killed in an auto accident,” Seth said tautly. “And frankly, I don’t like being reminded of just how painful that was. Right now there’s only one thing I’m concerned about.”
He slid onto a bar stool beside his father and stared at his mother. “You don’t know what it’s like out there, and I hope you never know. But sometimes things happen. Fueled by adrenaline. Fueled by a relief that you’re still alive. Edie pulled my butt out of the fire, I went to thank her, and...well, here we are. That’s enough. We’re here.”
“We certainly are,” Marge said tartly. “And you had better do the right thing because I don’t want to lose a grandchild.”
“And I don’t want to lose a son. Maybe the only one I’ll ever have. But how much of a part I’ll have in his life is up to Edie. You need to understand that. This is first and foremost about Edie and the baby. I’ve messed her up enough already.”
“We shouldn’t talk about a baby as if it’s a mess.”
“Oh, boy,” Nate said quietly beside him.
Seth felt anger start to surge. “You think not? I messed up her life. Her career. She had goals and all that’s changed because she’s pregnant. They’re going to reassign her, maybe to training, maybe to a desk, but either way her dreams of rising high are gone now. The military might have accepted women in combat roles, but they’re far from accepting the limitations on a woman who won’t give up her baby or give it into someone else’s care. She’s refusing to do either.”
“Well, of course! Giving up a baby...” Marge trailed off.
All of a sudden Seth understood what was going on here. Marge was reliving giving him up, trying to rewrite her own perceived mistake by fighting for this baby. That was going to make this hell. Not just one woman’s problems and a baby’s needs, but his mother’s need to correct a wrong in her own past.
He looked at his father and saw the understanding there. “Maybe I should have Edie stay at my place.”
“Mebbe so,” Nate said. “Mebbe so.”
“She’s welcome here,” Marge argued.
“She’s already told me she wants no pressuring and no arm-twisting. Are you going to be able to promise that, Mom?”
Marge stared at him, then suddenly sagged against the counter and closed her eyes. The kitchen was filling with the savory aroma of roasting chicken. A minute or two ticked by in silence before she spoke again. “I’m sorry, I’m not helping at all.”
Nate rose and went to embrace his wife. “It’s all right, honey. It’s all right.”
“It’s okay, Mom.” Seth said. “Times have changed. Edie has options you didn’t, and because of that, so have I. Just let us work it out in the way that’s best for both of us.”
Marge nodded, her cheek against her husband’s shoulder. She looked at her son. “It’s just that I was so glad you came back to us. I’ll never forget the joy and relief.”
“And the mess.” Seth gave her a crooked smile. “I messed up your life twice. So yes, a baby can be a mess until everything’s sorted out.”
At that Marge gave him a wan smile. “I guess so.”
He rose and returned to the living room, settling in to watch Edie sleep and to think about the grenade that had been tossed his way. He needed to get used to this baby idea, and quickly. Time was wasting.
Chapter Three
Edie awoke from a dream in which her Pave Hawk was crashing into a large body of water. The sound of her name startled her, and she snapped her eyes open. Seth.
He leaned over her. “Dinner will be ready soon.”
She knew one thing instantly. “I need a bathroom.”
“I’ll show you.”
It was an urgent need, becoming more frequent as her pregnancy progressed. She had learned to go before napping or sleeping, but she’d forgotten this time. Not that she had expected to doze off on the couch.
She rose quickly. Apparently Seth sensed the strength of her need, because he led the way quickly down a hall and waved her into a small bathroom. “Take your time.”
Time? What time? All of a sudden the cammies seemed cumbersome, too much material because they were too big. She struggled to get the shirt out of the way and reach the button on her pants. Damn!
When she was done, she paused before straightening her clothes and looked at her profile in the mirror, running her hands over her growing “baby bump.” Smooth, not too big yet, although she was assured that was about to rapidly change. “Carrying high,” one of her friends had termed it, meaning, she guessed, that she wasn’t expanding outward much yet.
But her waist had certainly vanished. The changes could still catch her by surprise.
Quickly she buttoned her pants and tugged the voluminous shirt down. In the mirror she saw a woman with red hair and blue eyes, who looked tired and a little messy. Hell, she didn’t even have a comb handy. Everything was out in the car.
She ran her fingers through her short hair and tried to make it lie down. A bit of water helped.
And that, she thought, looking at herself, was about all she was going to be able to do. Not inspection-ready, but looking more like she’d just finished a mission.
Oh, well.
Seth was waiting in the hall, leaning his shoulder against the wall, his arms folded. He smiled a little when he saw her. “Ready?”
“As I’ll ever be.”
“They don’t bite, and I pretty much told Mom to lay off. I hope you like roast chicken, mashed potatoes and mixed vegetables.”
“Why wouldn’t I? Did you get to be picky about food?”
“Not since I joined the navy.”
“Exactly.”
They shared a laugh, not something she was sure she really wanted to do, but it happened. Truce time. Not that there had been a war. Yet.
Dinner was surprisingly relaxed after all that had come before. Nate regaled them with some funny stories from his years as sheriff, keeping the mood light and pressure-free.
When Edie commented on all the hand drawn and colored turkeys on the wall, Marge explained she had kept all her daughters’ drawings, and put these up every year in the autumn.
“I also have their Halloween drawings, but those are in the den, if you want to see them. And then after Thanksgiving, I bring out the Christmas drawings.” Marge beamed.
“Six girls make an awful lot of drawings,” Nate remarked. He winked at his wife, who laughed.
“Boxes of them,” she agreed. “It’s a good thing we have a big attic.”
“And enough wall space to put them on,” Nate drawled.
Seth spoke. “But think of all the wallpapering you’ve escaped.”
The three of them all laughed.
Edie was charmed despite herself. She had an unexpected image of keeping a trunk full of such things from her own child. This was the first time she had even dared to look that far down the road of motherhood.
Edie offered to help with dishes afterward, but Marge shooed her out, and Nate remained to help.
Once again, the offer of a room was made. She wasn’t ready to accept it, though, so she left it by saying, “I’ll think about it.”
“I should warn you,” Seth said as he followed her back to the living room, “that the only motel we have in this town would make Bagram look like the Ritz. You don’t want to try to drive back tonight.”
No, she didn’t, but she was unwilling to commit to even a night. At least he didn’t press her. Indeed, he seemed to be working very hard not to press her in any way.
Something to be grateful for. In fact, maybe there was a whole lot to be grateful for.
She settled again on the sofa and put her feet up. “Are you sure you don’t want to take those boots off?” he asked.
She just knew that if she took them off she wouldn’t get them back on tonight. The question was whether she wanted to risk walking out of here barefoot. The answer was no. Experience had taught her to keep her boots on unless she was safely at home.
He sat facing her again, this time with his elbows on his splayed knees. Relaxed, yet not. For a moment she wished she could just close her eyes and fall back to sleep. Dinner had given her a sense of contentment that was rapidly vanishing. Tension steadily crept into the air.
“Tell me about it,” he said quietly. “How you found out, how you felt.”
“That’s huge.”
“Take your time. I’d like to know.”
She hesitated, then said bluntly, “I think I knew at some level right away.”
“Really?”
“Well, I always used to finish off a mission with a meal and a couple of drinks. I never drank again after that night. I told myself it was because I needed to stay out of any more trouble.”
“That would make sense.” He stirred a little, but his gaze never wavered. “I also suspect you guessed. I’ve heard my sisters say they knew almost to the moment, before they were even sure.”
“Well, maybe something happens fast. I don’t know. I just lost all desire to wind down with a drink.” She shrugged her shoulder. “Whatever. When I missed my period, I thought it was stress. But I knew, Seth. Somehow I knew. I did a great job of denial.”
“I can imagine.”
He probably could. Only she hadn’t given him the opportunity to do that. He waited, and finally she decided to tell him more.
“When I missed my second period, I felt like I’d been hit over the head. I couldn’t deny it anymore. I wanted to ignore it, but...well, even as I was getting mad, and having wild urges to run away from reality, I couldn’t ignore it. Even when I couldn’t stand the thought I felt like I had to do what was right for the kid. That meant seeing the doc.”
She closed her eyes briefly. “I can’t explain. I was seriously mixed up for a while, bouncing between fury and despair. I was taking prenatal vitamins and trying to tell myself it wasn’t true. I look back at it and hate myself.”
“Why?”
“Because that’s not me. I don’t run from things. I deal with them.”
“Blame it on shock.”
“Yeah.” She gave an unsteady laugh. “I was still in shock when they grounded me and sent me home. I could have still done the job, you know.”
“I’m sure you could have.”
Again her hand came to rest on her swelling belly. “What’s best for the kid. That stress wouldn’t have been good.”
“It really shook up your life.”
“Top to bottom.” No point in denying it. “Everything changed, and it changed fast. Well, except for the emotional roller coaster. And the morning sickness. It took a while for that to pass.”
“Was it bad?”
“Awful, for a while. And you might as well paint it on a billboard when you show up for duty every morning with soda crackers.”
At that he smiled faintly. “Oops.”
“Yeah.” She shook the tension from her shoulders. “I needed a while to face it all. I kept looking for ways to get around it. Ways I could manage my career and a kid. The two aren’t going to mesh well.”
She looked beyond him, into the past, knowing she was minimizing the turmoil she’d endured as she adjusted. “I felt betrayed,” she admitted. “Not by you, but by my body. God, how many women get pregnant from one time, when a condom is being used? The doc wasn’t sympathetic to that argument. He just said flatly, ‘It happens. Condoms aren’t failure-proof.’ He said next time I should be on the pill.” She shook her head. “Next time? There wasn’t even supposed to be a first time.”
“I’m sorry.”
“No. Don’t even go there. I’m a grown woman. I did something I knew damn well I shouldn’t have. That I’d never done before because I didn’t want to submarine my career. I know it caused some talk about me that I didn’t ever go with a man, but I didn’t care. It was better than what they’d say if I dated the wrong man. Besides, I didn’t want any messes.”
“And I handed you one of the biggest of all.” He looked annoyed again.
“Hey, it took two of us, and I don’t remember protesting.”
One corner of his mouth lifted. “At least let me own my share of the blame. It did take the two of us.”
She didn’t say anything, but looked down at her hands resting on her tummy. He drew her too strongly. Getting away from him might be the only smart thing she could do now. But the baby...
She sighed. “But back to the saga. I argued for a while that I could do my job. I believed it, too. Except they were right and after they grounded me, even I could get it. I’d be up there with something to consider besides my job. I could put a lot of people at risk worrying about the baby. And, frankly, I don’t think I was emotionally stable. Not then, maybe not now.”
Конец ознакомительного фрагмента.
Текст предоставлен ООО «ЛитРес».
Прочитайте эту книгу целиком, купив полную легальную версию (https://www.litres.ru/rachel-lee/thanksgiving-daddy/) на ЛитРес.
Безопасно оплатить книгу можно банковской картой Visa, MasterCard, Maestro, со счета мобильного телефона, с платежного терминала, в салоне МТС или Связной, через PayPal, WebMoney, Яндекс.Деньги, QIWI Кошелек, бонусными картами или другим удобным Вам способом.