Читать онлайн книгу «Too Friendly to Date» автора Nicole Helm

Too Friendly to Date
Nicole Helm
One little white lie…one big explanation! Okay, pretending her sexy boss is her boyfriend is more like a huge white lie. But electrician Leah Santino will take the risk. If her parents think she has someone, they won't go back to smothering her, and they can all be a family again.Problem is, Jacob McKnight isn't just her boss–he's her friend. And faking a relationship when the Santinos come to visit means those sparks she's always tried to ignore are hotter than ever. This thing between them is starting to feel real, but Leah has a very good reason to stay independent. Unless that's one lie that's outlived its purpose…


One little white lie…one big explanation!
Okay, pretending her sexy boss is her boyfriend is more like a huge white lie. But electrician Leah Santino will take the risk. If her parents think she has someone, they won’t go back to smothering her, and they can all be a family again.
Problem is, Jacob McKnight isn’t just her boss—he’s her friend. And faking a relationship when the Santinos come to visit means those sparks she’s always tried to ignore are hotter than ever. This thing between them is starting to feel real, but Leah has a very good reason to stay independent. Unless that’s one lie that’s outlived its purpose…
“An alien movie? Are you crazy? Those things are creepy.”
“Oh, poor Jacob is afraid of a few little fictional creatures.” Leah pouted, clearly mocking him, and why that made him smile was completely beyond him.
“You better be careful. I’ll wrangle you into a chick flick.”
“Oh, please. Aliens over chick flick any day of the week.” But she stood from the table and went to the mudroom, where her coat was hanging. “What about the one with the race car driver? The main guy is hot, and I hear he gets naked.”
Jacob shrugged into his coat. “Why do you have to say things like that?”
She laughed, an uninhibited rumble, and something cross-wired in his brain, suddenly making him think about her naked. Nope. Nope. Nope. Not allowed.
He glanced at her as they stepped outside. It was not a date. It was a distraction.
Dear Reader (#ulink_71fc7bd0-485b-5ac9-b6bf-dcd0b6f4126e),
By the time this book hits shelves, it will be literally years since Jacob and Leah, the hero and heroine, started hanging out in my head. Jacob came first because he was the brother of the heroine in Too Close to Resist, my first Mills & Boon Superromance (June 2014). I knew Jacob was an affable, somewhat clueless guy who cared very deeply about his tight-knit family. And not very far into writing that story, I also knew he’d need a happily ever after of his own.
As I worked on the first of my Bluff City books, I wanted to create a family of sorts in the people who worked with Jacob. He’s the kind of man who would naturally befriend the people he works with on a daily basis. And, since I like putting women in somewhat atypical professions, I immediately knew the electrician working for MC Restorations would be a woman.
So, Leah was born, and the minute she was, I knew she was the perfect fit for Jacob. Friends who argue, banter, but share a passion for their jobs…and possibly for each other—on the down-low, of course.
I was so excited to write their story. Leah and Jacob’s personalities and secrets surprised me, even for as long as I had thought about their story before writing it. And in the end, they became one of my favorite couples to write. (It’s entirely possible I say that at the end of every book, though.)
I was sad to be done with them, but so excited to share them with you! I hope you enjoy their journey as much as I enjoyed writing it.
If you’re on Twitter, so am I (probably more than I should be). I love to talk to readers, @NicoleTHelm (https://twitter.com/NicoleTHelm).
Happy reading!
Nicole Helm
www.NicoleHelm.wordpress.com (http://www.NicoleHelm.wordpress.com)
P.S. Keep an eye out for my upcoming titles from Mills & Boon E, out later this year!

Too Friendly to Date
Nicole Helm


www.millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk)
ABOUT THE AUTHOR (#ulink_bc334cff-3e6d-59ed-9ea2-f6f7d88f7c52)
Nicole grew up with her nose in a book and a dream of becoming a writer. Luckily, after a few failed career choices, a husband and two kids, she gets to pursue that writing dream. She lives in Missouri with her husband and two young sons, and wishes she knew anything about restoration so she could fix up the old Iowa farmhouse her grandfather grew up in.
To Piya. Thank you for helping me make each book stronger than I ever could. Harlequin was my dream, and I will be forever grateful for your part in making that dream come true.
Contents
Cover (#u43e572d1-1dcd-53ca-85d6-4f3e926d4511)
Back Cover Text (#u976ca9ef-1c05-578e-be1e-aeb3fb87b35f)
Introduction (#u67f8c4b9-740c-54f1-a620-9cbf73ecf982)
Dear Reader (#ulink_b43f2aa4-a6ba-59a5-8bc2-772d35c4ef98)
Title Page (#u09f7e2fb-87bf-53e1-8719-d2aedfb4ece6)
ABOUT THE AUTHOR (#ulink_11182968-8770-5bcb-8570-5241e69336e8)
Dedication (#u661871a0-60c7-5762-b0ba-d87293a088ec)
CHAPTER ONE (#ulink_4037f183-3851-5c75-a63d-2a1140d0968e)
CHAPTER TWO (#ulink_46b14a7d-0ca3-5b02-9feb-4f507d39672d)
CHAPTER THREE (#ulink_542657dc-931c-5e5f-84e3-7c1f45f5673c)
CHAPTER FOUR (#ulink_61f62491-7ee8-558b-9185-f01bf520a430)
CHAPTER FIVE (#ulink_98948296-b379-5be4-aab7-19f7895ae07a)
CHAPTER SIX (#ulink_f6ec3375-3fbb-55f9-84bc-4599a1eb5f63)
CHAPTER SEVEN (#ulink_6a136753-5d19-5039-a778-a3053637ad4f)
CHAPTER EIGHT (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER NINE (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER TEN (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER ELEVEN (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER TWELVE (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER THIRTEEN (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER FOURTEEN (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER FIFTEEN (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER SIXTEEN (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER NINETEEN (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER TWENTY (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX (#litres_trial_promo)
EPILOGUE (#litres_trial_promo)
EXTRACT (#litres_trial_promo)
Copyright (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER ONE (#ulink_983d4fd1-d0f3-5138-8c47-19ef31f64d75)
LEAH SANTINO HATED the little red dress she was wearing. It was uncomfortable, way too bright and made men she had no interest in approach her. Since she was at a work party and couldn’t tell them to take a long walk off a short pier, but instead had to smile and politely decline their advances, she was on considerable edge.
Of course, the dress also made Jacob McKnight stare. Which she shouldn’t like but totally did. Just because it was inappropriate to have a crush on her boss and friend didn’t mean she was immune to his staring.
“See! I told you you’d wear it more than once.” Grace McKnight greeted her with a big grin. “Perfect color for a holiday party.”
“I’m burning it the second I get home,” Leah muttered. The last thing she needed was Jacob’s sister, who just happened to be her best friend, reading into any...staring. It would do Leah good to burn the dress.
Of course, she wouldn’t actually do that. This holiday party for MC Restorations’ clients wasn’t the last time she’d be forced to dress up this year. Jacob had a smaller New Year’s Eve gathering prepared, and she was darn well going to get her money’s worth out of this dress. “Lighter fluid, matches, the whole bit.”
Grace rolled her eyes. Grace was one of the few people who really knew her. Could read the dry humor and didn’t find it offensive or annoying. Basically, Grace and her MC coworkers. Her family? Not so much.
Leah shifted uncomfortably. Speaking of her family. She was running out of time. She scanned the room for Jacob.
For the millionth time she tried to talk herself out of asking for this favor. There was no way he’d go for lying, not to mention having Jacob, of all people, pretend to be her boyfriend was dangerous business.
Then Leah thought of Mom and Dad and Marc finally coming to visit for Christmas. Of her whole family being with her over the holiday. It would be the first time in a long time, but only if she made her little white lie a truth.
Leah pressed a hand to her nauseated stomach. She had screwed things up royally. Again. Jacob was her only hope.
Grace nudged her. “Are you okay? You look a little pale. You didn’t eat the mushroom appetizer, did you? It had walnuts on it.”
Leah shook her head. “No. I won’t be going into anaphylactic shock.” At least not from walnuts.
“So, what gives?”
Leah’s eyes finally landed on Jacob. He was wearing a black suit and smiling with perfect white teeth. His dark brown hair was that casual mussed look, which she was 90 percent sure he worked very hard to achieve. He was currently sporting about a week’s worth of facial hair, which she sadly and pathetically kept track of.
She hated herself for the little inward sigh. Hated that she thought he was perfect.
Because Jacob McKnight was so not perfect.
“Earth to Leah?”
Leah forced a smile and looked at Grace. “Sorry. I’ve got a lot on my mind. Uh, my parents are coming to visit for Christmas. My brother, too.”
“That’s great. You don’t talk about them much, but I can’t wait to meet them.”
Leah’s smile faded. “Yeah. Sure.” She didn’t mention that not talking about them was on purpose. Didn’t mention that for years she hadn’t even spoken to them, let alone invited them for visits. This new relationship was tenuous.
Tenuous enough she was going to have to ask Jacob for something totally insane. And it meant enough to check some of her pride at the door.
In other words, it meant everything.
“I need a drink. You want one?”
“Kyle’s getting me one.” Grace touched her arm. “You sure you’re okay?”
Leah waved her off. “Fantastic.” She moved toward the bar and away from Grace, smiling at clients along the way.
For five years she’d poured her life into MC Restorations as their electrician. For just as long she had ignored any and all attraction to Jacob. He was her boss, kind of, but he’d also become her friend and then his sister had become her best friend this year and...nothing about being attracted to him or halfway in love with him was acceptable, sensible or smart.
For the past ten years, Leah’s life had been all about being sensible and smart. Some sad attempt to make up for all the ways she’d been anything but as a teenager.
The bartender handed her the glass of wine she’d ordered and, after making sure no one was looking, she downed it all in one gulp. She wished she could drink the whole damn bottle, but that wasn’t an option.
Leah touched the scar over her heart through the fabric of her high-collared dress. Not one person in this room knew about it, and she wanted to keep it that way. It would be hard with her parents around, but she would try.
There were a lot of secrets to juggle. Too many, really, but it was the only way to get what she wanted. Keeping her scar and where it came from under wraps meant Leah could live her life how she chose, without anyone hovering or worrying. Letting her parents believe Jacob was her boyfriend was going to give her the same thing and get her her family back.
A few little secrets. A few little lies. What could be the harm?
* * *
JACOB HAD SEEN Leah wear that red dress only twice now, but he hated it. Hated every last inch of the bright, clingy fabric that was bound and determined to scream at him that Leah was a woman. A hot woman.
It was so much easier to ignore in her usual getup. Flannel shirts or ratty T-shirts, baggy jeans, work boots. Not that he didn’t notice her then, too. It was just way easier to pretend he didn’t when she wasn’t a bright red dot of fantasy right before his eyes.
She was coming his way, so Jacob looked for an escape route while reminding himself of all the ways Leah was off-limits.
She was his employee, his friend, and she could be downright mean. She was as tall as him in heels, which meant she was too tall. And her swearing was way more creative than his.
She hated the Cubs. Which was, by far, the worst strike against her.
He was only thinking about her that way because he still had four weeks left of his self-imposed six-month women sabbatical, and just about anything had him dreaming about the next time he’d have sex.
Not that he was ever going to think about Leah and sex in the same sentence.
Okay, it was too late for that. But a guy could pretend, couldn’t he?
“Hey, can I talk to you?”
Jacob offered his best version of a smile under the circumstances. “Sure. What’s up?” He wasn’t going to look her in the eye for fear she might see something unacceptable there, but then he found himself glancing at her breasts.
Yeah, eyes. Way better choice.
“Um, can we do it in private?”
Not a good idea. Not when he’d apparently regressed to being a teenager and “do it” made him think of sex.
It was just the sabbatical. The get-yourself-together sabbatical. No women. No relationships. No sex. He was figuring himself out.
Five months in, and he still had no idea what was wrong with him. Why he was attracted to women who inevitably broke up with him for a wide variety of reasons he couldn’t make any sense of.
“Jacob?”
“Right. Private. Uh, now?”
She nodded and for the first time he realized she looked nervous. She was chewing on her bottom lip and kept clasping and unclasping her hands. Which was so unlike Leah he actually got worried enough to forget about the other stuff.
“My office?”
She nodded, heading for the stairs. Jacob followed, keeping his eyes on the oak of the staircase. The planks of wood he’d refurbished himself, this house being MC’s first restoration project.
He smiled. It had been his dream to bring new life to old homes since he’d had to watch his grandparents’ falling-apart house be demolished, and now he got to do that every day. Bring life to old. Save memories. Thinking about that never failed to bring him satisfaction.
Then he stepped into his office, Leah in that stupid short dress showing off long, toned legs, standing in the center of his room. All satisfaction faded into discomfort.
“So, what’s so important?” Jacob focused on the ornate wood trim in the room. Trim it had taken him months to bring back to its former glory. If he focused on that, he wouldn’t have to think about how the makeup Leah was wearing made her blue-green eyes even more noticeable than usual.
“My, um, family. They’re coming to visit for a week over Christmas.”
Jacob let out a breath of relief. He didn’t know why he was relieved, but whatever this was was about her family. So innocuous. No big deal. “That’s great. I know you’ve had your problems. That’s really great. You need time off? You didn’t need the buildup and the nerves. Of course you can—”
“That’s not why I wanted to talk to you.”
“Oh.” The relief disappeared. He leaned against his desk, tapping his fingers on the smooth, glossy wood.
“Um, so, this is going to sound crazy, but hear me out. Actually, it doesn’t just sound crazy. It is crazy. Nuts. Totally cuckoo.”
She paced the bright patterned rug in front of his desk, in front of him. Jacob focused on the pattern of black and gray. Anything was better than red.
“But...I have to ask. Only choice.” Her voice was low enough he wondered if she was talking to herself more than to him.
She stopped pacing, took a deep breath, which caused his eyes to wander to her chest until he mentally reprimanded himself.
“My parents are old-fashioned. Really old-fashioned. You know, think a woman needs a man to be safe and happy and all that.”
Jacob snorted. No wonder she didn’t get along with her family. That was about the opposite of everything essentially Leah. She was fiercely independent and took shit from no one.
She was not someone he worried about being safe. Or at all in need of a man.
“So, you know, I haven’t always been on speaking terms with them, but we’ve been trying. Trying to get back to being a family and the past year has been good. Really good.”
She started pacing again, her heels faint thuds against the rug. “So, to keep that going, to keep them from annoying the hell out of me by insinuating I can’t take care of myself, I...told them I had a boyfriend.”
Jacob was trying hard to follow what this had to do with him. Maybe she wanted him to corroborate her story if she brought her parents around. But why the secrecy and the uncharacteristic nerves?
“The thing is... Okay.” She stopped pacing, took a deep breath and let it out. “I kind of told them you...were my boyfriend.”
“Uh, say what?” He’d heard wrong. Or something.
“I know. I know. It’s totally insane, and please don’t read anything into it. It’s just...I’m around you every day. I know everything about you. I couldn’t get caught up in a lie because it’d all be the truth. Except for the us-being-together part.”
“You don’t know everything about me.”
She waved the sentence away as if it was an inconsequential bug. “Please. You’re an open book.”
He frowned, not at all liking the assessment. Besides, if she knew everything about him she’d know he was attracted to her. She obviously didn’t or she wouldn’t be walking around his office in a short dress and heels. So, there.
“The thing is, I can’t tell them it was a lie, because then things will go to shit again. They’ll be mad about the lying and I’ll lose it with my mom about the man thing and...” She shook her head, looked at the ceiling as if she couldn’t believe what was happening.
He couldn’t believe what was happening, either, but he wasn’t the one pretending she was his girlfriend.
“I know it probably doesn’t make sense to you, but if you, as my friend, could do me this one favor and pretend, just for a few meals, that we’re more than friends...I would owe you so big. So big. Anything. Anything.”
He couldn’t think of a time when Leah had ever seemed this vulnerable. Usually she was guns blazing, no one was getting in her way. She was tough as nails and didn’t ask for help unless it was absolutely necessary.
He’d always admired that about her.
The fact that she was asking, almost pleading, must mean it was absolutely necessary. “Okay.”
“I— Okay? Just like that? Okay?” Her voice was all baffled edginess.
Jacob shrugged. When it came to favors for friends, he’d never been any good at saying no. Besides, he excelled at charming parents. What was a few dinners with Leah and her family? She’d had plenty of dinners with his. All he had to do was pretend to be a boyfriend.
How hard could it be? Long as he kept his hands to himself, easy.
“Not up to anything kinky, are you?”
She scowled, all hints of vulnerability disappearing into that I’m-gonna-kick-your-ass glint in her eye. “No.”
“Then sure. Why not?”
“What are you going to make me do to make it up to you?” she asked skeptically.
He grinned and rubbed his hands together. “Hmm. I will have to think about that one. So many options.”
The scowl deepened until her eyebrows all but touched each other. “Damn it, Jacob.”
“Hey, now, I’m doing you a big favor. So, there are going to be a few rules.”
“Yeah, like what?” She crossed her arms over her chest. Jacob found himself wishing her dress had a lower neckline.
He shook that thought away. “Like, for starters, you can’t be all prickly and pissed off with me. If I’m your boyfriend, you’re in love with me, right? Women in love aren’t prickly.”
“I’m always prickly. And you like to bring it out in me.” She dropped her arms at her sides. “You’re really going to do this?”
“Why wouldn’t I?”
He couldn’t read her expression. Not even a little bit.
“Thank you.” The words were heartfelt and it knocked some of the teasing out of him. The Leah he knew didn’t do heartfelt.
“You’re welcome. Just let me know when. Don’t have to kiss you, do I?”
She screwed up her face. “God, I hope not.”
He didn’t care for her answer, but kept the easy smile on his face. “Good. Probably be like kissing my sister.” Yeah, not by a long shot.
* * *
LEAH KICKED HER heels off the second her door was open. They landed with a thud in a pile of other shoes and clothes in her entryway. Some magazines and junk mail littered the floor, too. She was really going to need to clean up before her family arrived.
She could have had them stay in a hotel, but she knew how much Mom and Dad hated hotels. Or, more accurately, the expense of them.
The fact they had to pinch their pennies was one in a long list of things that were Leah’s fault, so she owed them.
Maybe Grace could help clean up. Maybe Kelly and Susan, too, if they were surviving their first month as new parents. MC’s interior designer and administrative assistant hadn’t been around much since they’d adopted their baby, taking maternity leave and switching off days when they did work. Leah had missed having them around as she was almost as close to them as Grace.
But Leah’s place was definitely not suited for a baby, so they’d probably have to pass. At least for a little while longer.
Leah dropped her keys on the cluttered kitchen table, then remembered how she’d been late to a job last week because she hadn’t been able to find them. She retraced her steps, found the bag she took to work every day and tossed them in there.
The house itself was a work in progress. A falling-down English cottage–style one-story built in the ’20s, it had been abandoned for ten years before she’d bought it, and the price had been right for a handy woman making a modest living. The past five years she’d put a lot of work into it, but she cringed at the thought of Mom and Dad seeing it. Her salary and Jacob’s help only went so far.
Maybe if she showed her family “before” pictures, they’d be impressed with how far she’d come.
On a sigh, Leah stepped into her room. Yeah, she was definitely going to need some help in the cleanup department. She smiled a little. It was nice knowing she’d have friends who’d chip in without a second thought.
MC and its employees had become her second family. For a while, she thought it’d be enough. She could do without her parents, and the brother she’d never been all that close to, because she had friends who cared about her. She didn’t know when that suddenly hadn’t been enough. But it wasn’t anymore.
She slipped out of the dress and examined the long white scar down the center of her chest. Mostly she tried to pretend it wasn’t there. A reminder of too many things she wanted to forget.
Fifteen years. For fifteen years someone else’s heart had beat in there. The five years directly following the transplant, she hadn’t treated it or herself or her family well. In fact, her careless, selfish, destructive behavior had almost broken them all apart as much as it had almost killed her.
So, she’d left Minnesota and moved in with the black-sheep aunt no one in her family talked to. She’d gotten her life and health together, put herself through electrician training. And without her and her health issues in the way, Mom and Dad had gotten back together after the stress of her health and hospital bills had caused them to separate.
Now she had this life. And it was good and enough time had passed that she wanted to heal. Wanted to have a family to spend holidays with. Wanted her brother to forgive her for wrecking their family. She wanted to make up everything she’d ruined.
So, if she had to lie, cheat or steal to accomplish it, she would. Hopefully it ended with the lying. Even more hopefully, it ended without her even more screwed up about Jacob than she already was.
CHAPTER TWO (#ulink_6388e572-e6e9-556c-9668-c7312b3c81e0)
JACOB STOOD IN front of the dilapidated old Victorian on Jasmine Street in the heart of Bluff City, Iowa. It was surrounded by renovated or completely rebuilt houses and small businesses. It was an eyesore and for sale.
Perfect.
Leah stepped out of the house followed by Henry, MC’s plumber. They were both covered in dust and wore hard hats. Jacob had already toured the place twice before he’d brought out Leah and Henry, so today he’d stayed outside, not wanting to hover over them while they checked it out.
“Have to rewire everything, and I mean everything. There’s not crap for restoring, electrically speaking.” Leah stood next to him, squinting at the old house.
“Plumbing, too. Have to redo everything. Shit hole.” Henry’s plumbing estimation.
“Pipe dream, boss.” Leah clapped him on the shoulder, but he barely felt it.
Yeah, pipe dream, but he could see it. He could see it fully restored and absolutely perfect. With Grace and Kyle—his business partner and now also his sister’s boyfriend—moving out of the main house once their house was finished being built back in their hometown of Carvelle, Jacob was thinking about selling that first project. Without people sharing the same roof, the big house on the bluff was too much for him. MC had a strong enough reputation he didn’t need the grand showpiece as an office anymore, and he really didn’t want to think about living in that monster by himself.
This house would be a better size. He could work and live there like he did at the main house. It could still be a bit of a showcase of what he could do. Right in the heart of town. And if he bought it, it wouldn’t be demolished and turned into a strip mall.
“Jacob.”
“Hmm?”
“It’s a money pit.”
Jacob spared Leah a glance. “My favorite kind.”
She shook her head. “One of these days it’s going to blow up in your face. You can’t keep taking risks like this.”
“What’s life without a little risk?” Jacob turned his attention back to the house. Especially when the risk was this perfect. “I’ll put a lowball offer in. See what happens.”
“What about the Perkins house?”
“I can do both.”
Leah shook her head again. She did that a lot when he got on one of his extracurricular projects, but she also always pitched in. She’d complain and poke fun until she was blue in the face, but she’d be the first one there with him and the last one to leave. He supposed that was how she’d somehow suckered him and Grace and Kyle into helping her clean up her house before her family’s arrival.
Speaking of that. “You gonna have food tonight?”
Leah slid the hard hat off her head, began tapping it against her thigh. “I’ll order some pizza. Buy some beer and sodas.”
“Dessert?” He grinned over at her when she scowled. She had a big, dirty coat on over her sweatshirt. Her hair was a static mess from the hard hat. Her cheeks were pink from the cold.
Jacob looked back at the house. This sex drought was really, really getting to him.
“I’ll get some snickerdoodles.”
“If it doesn’t contain chocolate, it is not a dessert.”
“I’m not buying a bunch of chocolate and watching you guys scarf it down when I can’t have any. Cruel and unusual.”
“Not our fault you’re allergic to everything.”
“One pan of brownies. Store-bought. And you’re taking all the leftovers home with you.”
Jacob grinned, slung his arm over her shoulders. “You drive a hard bargain. Guess I can live with that while I’m slaving away cleaning your pigsty.”
She wiggled out from under his arm. “Think of it this way. You get a front-row seat to the look on Kyle’s face when he sees how messy I really am.”
Yeah, seeing his anal-retentive partner’s face when he got a load of Leah’s place was going to be fun. “Fair enough.”
“You two gonna blab all afternoon? Freezing my balls off.” Henry marched over to the truck.
Leah rolled her eyes and followed suit. Jacob took a few extra seconds to give the house one last look. It was going to be his, money pit or no money pit.
* * *
“LEAH, MY GOD, how do you live like this?”
Leah had to bite back a smile. She was messy. Definitely. She knew it wasn’t an attractive quality and it embarrassed her...sometimes.
But Kyle’s complete and utter horror was too funny.
“Thanks for coming, guys. Food and drinks are in the kitchen. Grab what you want. I did actually clean that room.”
It had taken all weekend and then another hour this afternoon when she’d gotten home from work, but it was one room down and she was determined to keep it clean until Friday, when her parents and Marc arrived.
“As far as cleaning goes, trash anything you want. Everything with any sentimental value is in my room, which I don’t need help with.” It needed help, no doubt, but she didn’t like the idea of Jacob poking around in there. Not when he was likely to find all sorts of things she didn’t want him seeing. Pill bottles, inhalers, old pictures. No, she didn’t want him, or any of her friends, seeing any of that.
“Leah, this isn’t going to take an evening. This is going to take a decade.”
Leah patted Kyle’s shoulder. “Don’t worry. You’ll survive. I promise. If you start having chest pains or a numb feeling in your arm, you just tell Grace and she’ll rush you to the hospital.”
“Ha-ha.” But he smiled, which was becoming more and more normal. Man, that was nice. Leah liked seeing Grace and Kyle together. The easy way they balanced each other out, made each other happy.
Anytime she thought of that and felt a little bit jealous, she immediately blocked the feeling out. She refused to be jealous of anyone anymore. That was part of what had caused her so many problems after her surgery.
Jealous everyone else got to do what they wanted, whenever they wanted. She’d been less and less inclined to take care of the second chance someone else’s life had given her.
Jeez. What was wrong with her, thinking about that right now?
She handed out paper plates and let everyone grab what they wanted. Her cheese-free pizza was a sad commentary on the state of her life, but what could she do? The body she was born with was a mess of allergies and malfunctioning parts.
For the next four hours she, Jacob, Grace and Kyle worked through the scattered piles of debris. Organizing, putting things away, sweeping, mopping and dusting.
Damn, what would she do without these people?
After emptying the vacuum canister for at least the fifth time, Leah stood in the kitchen and took a deep breath. Her lungs were a little tight from the dust and exertion, so she slipped away to her bedroom for a sneak hit on her inhaler. She needed to grab a mask, too, but when she stepped back out, she heard a noise down the hallway.
It sounded like it came from the worst room in the house. The room she wasn’t going to bother cleaning because she hadn’t even begun renovations on it. She was going to block it off. There was no way she’d get it viewable by next week.
Mask forgotten, she walked to the open doorway. When she looked in, expecting and dreading to find evidence of mice, she found Jacob instead. He was standing in the middle of the room, little work notebook in hand, jotting notes.
It wasn’t fair he could look so damn good in jeans and a flannel shirt and a beard. Minus the beard, it was what she was wearing, and she knew very well she didn’t look like someone anyone wanted to jump.
Ugh. Why did she have to want to jump him? Since that thought was so frustrating, she put extra accusation into her voice. “What do you think you’re doing?”
“Making a list.” He didn’t even glance at her. Instead, he kept writing in his little notebook just like he did at work.
She took a step inside. “A list of what?”
“Things that need to be done before your parents come stay with you.”
“What?”
He finally looked up, tucked the pen behind his ear. Why the hell was that sexy? Oh, right, because she was dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb.
“Look, if I’m your boyfriend and I’m a contractor, they’d expect these things to be taken care of.”
Defensiveness settled through her and she crossed her arms over her chest. “It’s a work in progress.”
“You’ve lived here five years. How long have we been together?”
She didn’t understand how he could be so casual about it. But it was Jacob. Jacob was casual about everything.
Except his work. MC was the one place his laser focus and intense dedication went. Well, that and his family.
“Leah? Hello? You want this lie to fly you’re going to have to think about these things. Details and—”
“I know. I know. They think we’ve been dating a year,” she muttered, kicking at the warped floorboard.
He let out a low whistle. “Damn. You ever been in a real relationship for a whole year?”
“No.” She didn’t need to ask him if he had. She knew the answer to that since she paid way too close attention to his dating life. Jacob could barely manage a six-week relationship.
Though it might have something to do with the way he went about dating. Like a mission. A to-do list to get to his wanted destination. Family.
Which was none of her business. Fake relationship or no. Especially since “family” wasn’t something she’d ever be able to offer anyone.
“You know, if we’ve been dating a year they’re going to expect us to actually, oh, I don’t know, touch each other. Possibly even sleep together.”
Her face burned. So embarrassing. “I don’t think my devoutly Catholic mother is going to be concerning herself with our sex life.”
He walked toward her, tucking the notebook in his front pocket. “‘Our sex life.’ Weirder words I’m not sure have ever been spoken.”
“No shit.” Leah tucked her hands into her armpits, hugging herself close. They were alone and this was weird with a capital W.
“So, you know, speaking of our sex life, how do you see that going?”
He was joking and grinning, but the proximity meant she was having a hard time getting that through to her brain. Actually, not so much her brain as her sorely neglected libido.
Leah took a breath and summoned all the unaffectedness she could muster. “Why are guys so gross?”
“After cleaning up your house, you do not get to talk to me about gross.”
Fair enough. “You’re not doing anything to this room, Jacob. I’m blocking it off. We’ve been too busy building MC to work on my place. Got it?”
He made a considering sound in his throat and then left the room. Damn it, she hated when he did that. The no-answer thing meant he was going to do something stupid.
Well, it couldn’t be any stupider than her asking him to be her fake boyfriend.
* * *
JACOB KNEW HE should leave with everyone else, talk to Leah about this situation somewhere...safe. But there really was no time like the present.
He plopped himself onto her newly-cleaned-up couch. “So, we ever going to talk details about this whole fake-relationship thing?”
Her whole body visibly stiffened, and then she rolled her shoulders. “Yeah. Sure. I just...”
“You remember this being your idea? You begged me to agree to it.”
Some of her tension morphed into irritation, which was exactly what he’d been going for. “I did not beg.”
“Pretty sure the word please was used.”
“Begging and being polite are two different things. Can we talk about this some other time? When I’m not exhausted and covered in dirt.”
She did look tired. Pale, and there was a weird rasp to her voice. He noticed she got that whenever she’d been working particularly hard.
But he also knew if he left, she’d keep working. There was no quit in Leah. “You know me. I like a plan. Blueprint. Details. Fill me in.”
“Right. Right.” She pulled the cuffs of her shirt down, then pushed them back up to her elbows. And then repeated the process two more times.
He wasn’t used to nervous, unsure Leah. It was fascinating. Something he wanted to poke at. “Where was our first date?”
She glowered at him. “What?”
“How did I ask you out? What do you love about me?” He grinned, knowing it would irritate and fluster her more.
“What does that matter?”
“You don’t think your mom might be curious as to how we started dating? What you see in me, besides my good looks, that is.”
She opened her mouth, then closed it and rubbed a hand to her chest.
“You okay?”
“Yeah. Look, my family won’t care about that, and if they do I’ll make something up.”
“You’ve obviously never pulled off an elaborate hoax before. Or seen a romantic comedy.” She made a face and didn’t stop rubbing her chest. “Leah, what is up with you?”
“Nothing,” she snapped. “Can’t you just go away? We can talk about this some other time.”
“No time like the present.” He certainly wasn’t going to leave when it looked as though something was wrong with her. Maybe she was coming down with a cold. He was about to offer to run and get her some soup or something when she abruptly turned away.
“Give me a second.” She disappeared down the hallway, so pale and strange-sounding he couldn’t fight the impulse to follow where she went.
The door to her room was cracked open and he looked in as she took a deep breath with an inhaler to her mouth. He’d seen her use it once or twice, but had never given it much thought.
He nudged the door open wider. “You okay?”
“Does privacy mean nothing to you?” She took a deep breath, then another puff of the inhaler, all the while glowering at him.
But she was so damn pale and he’d never seen her so shaky. So, instead of backing off like she obviously wanted him to do, he plopped on the bed next to her. “So, the answer to my question would be no.”
“I’m fine.” She inched away from him. “Please, don’t push.” Then she coughed, and it came out all wheezy and awful-sounding. He thumped her back and took her hand, about five seconds from calling an ambulance.
She gulped air and he rubbed her back. Obviously something was really wrong if she wasn’t pushing him away. “I’m going to call 9-1-1.”
She grabbed his arm before he could stand up. “No way in hell.” With her free hand she took another puff of the inhaler. “Don’t you dare move.”
“Hey, look at me because you’re starting to freak me out.”
She looked him square in the eye, those pretty green-blue eyes fierce and determined. “I’m fine,” she said firmly, but she was trembling. “It’s asthma, Jacob. Had it all my life.”
“I’m getting you some water.” She released his arm and he hurried out to the kitchen and returned with a glass of water. She was still pale, but her breathing had eased.
“Do not look at me like that.” She snatched the glass of water out of his hand, and when he sat next to her again, she inched away.
But she drank the water and slowly stopped looking so gray. She wasn’t trembling anymore and her breathing seemed easier. “Don’t look at you like what?”
“Like I’m dying. I’m not. Go home. Please.”
She was squeezing the glass so tight it was a wonder it didn’t break, but there was no way he was going home. He covered her hand with his, but before he could say something, she gave him that direct look again.
Yeah, not much about Leah’s kick-ass, tomboy, tough-girl self was pretty, but those eyes were.
“I am okay. I promise. I’ll admit I made a mistake tonight, and you know I don’t admit mistakes easily. I pushed myself too hard, but it was just a...blip. I’ll get a good night’s sleep, and I won’t go mucking around in dust without a mask again.”
She was right—admitting mistakes wasn’t in her M.O. So it was hard to doubt the rest. Besides, Leah knew her body better than he did. Way better than he did. So he should back off like she asked.
She pointedly looked down, presumably because his hands were covering hers. On her bed. Yeah, okay, things had gotten a little weird.
“I’ll get out of your hair.” He stood, shoved his hands in his pockets. “If you’re sure you’re okay?”
“I swear to God you ask me that again I’ll kill you and show you just how okay I am.”
She wasn’t a hugger, but despite the insult, he had the urge to do just that before he left. She looked so...weak, the opposite of the Leah he routinely saw.
Instead, he kept his hands in his pockets and managed a smile. “See you tomorrow.” Leaving seemed so damn wrong, but she wanted him to. She wanted him to and him staying was only going to aggravate her, so he should definitely go.
“Yup.” She nodded toward the door.
He took a few steps toward the door, then sighed. “You call if you need anything.”
“It’s asthma, not paralysis.”
“Asthma isn’t exactly a cold.”
She swore under her breath. “Don’t do this, okay? Do not start treating me like I’ll break. I can’t take it. I cannot take it.”
He wondered at the fury in her voice. He was just trying to be nice. Leave it to Leah to be pissy about it. “Fine. Pardon me for caring.”
She just kept staring at her floor, so he rolled his eyes and finished the walk out. He made sure to lock the door behind him, hoped she remembered to flip the dead bolt. He’d text a reminder to her, except knowing Leah, she’d leave it unlocked just to piss him off.
Jacob climbed into his truck, then sat in the driver’s seat, shivering in the below-freezing temperatures. He jammed his key into the ignition and then laughed when the engine wouldn’t turn over.
Yeah, that seemed about right.
CHAPTER THREE (#ulink_70961ae0-8901-590c-b526-157ec3eb32b3)
WHEN A KNOCK sounded on her door, Leah wanted to punch something. Scratch that. Someone. Lungs aching, head pounding, she trudged to the door ready to give Jacob a piece of her mind.
She didn’t have the energy for this. She was too busy beating herself up for being careless and letting Jacob catch her in her carelessness. He was such a worrier, and she hated the thought of him worrying over her.
She’d been through the smothering thing. She didn’t handle it well. Or at all. The last thing she needed was to screw up her life all over again because the people around her wouldn’t let her breathe, make her own decisions, be in charge.
MC, her friends, everything about the person she was now was what she wanted. Desperately. She was happy, for the first time in too long to remember. Life was good, and she was steps away from getting her family back.
If Jacob ruined that by hovering, by maneuvering, by being everything she couldn’t stand, it would end it all.
Jesus, could she get any more overdramatic? She’d handled a hell of a lot worse than an overworried friend/boss. She wasn’t going to let him be the end of anything. No way. Which meant she had to put on the tough-girl shell and prove once and for all there was nothing to worry over.
The tough-girl shell was a little exhausting after a long day of hard work and setbacks. On a deep breath, Leah wrenched open the door and fixed Jacob with her most furious glare. “Go. Away.”
“Truck won’t start.” His shoulders were hunched, the collar of his coat almost reaching his ears. Cold air whipped in through the open door. “Going to make me freeze?”
“No,” Leah mumbled. She moved out of the way so Jacob could step inside.
“I’ll call a tow truck, have Kyle come pick me up. Just need some warmth for a bit.” His voice was gruff, his posture stiff. Jacob was angry and, well, that didn’t happen very often.
Crap.
“I can take a look.”
“Don’t bother.”
Yeah, double crap. “Just let me—”
“Don’t worry about it.” He was typing something into his phone, expressly not moving any farther into her house or taking off his coat. His ears and nose were bright red.
“You want something hot to drink?”
He glanced up from his phone. “Now you’re offering me hot drinks? Because about fifteen minutes ago you were all but kicking me out.”
A mix of guilt and irritation and shame propelled her toward the kitchen. Oh, she hated that even temper of his. Because she never could be angry in the face of his anger. It was so hard to piss off Jacob and she got irritated at the drop of a hat.
Which meant, if Jacob was mad and snotty, she’d stepped over a line and the tough-girl shell wasn’t the answer. Unfortunately, reason and apologizing were the answer. She hated apologizing and, damn it, she hated being wrong enough to have to.
“I don’t have coffee or hot chocolate. Just tea.”
“I’ll survive. Here. Found a tow number.”
“Don’t call a tow truck. Let me look at it first.” When she turned to face Jacob, he was standing in the entry to her kitchen, frowning.
“It’s freezing out there.” He didn’t mention earlier, though God knew that was what this was about. Even pissed, he was worried about her.
For a second, just a sliver of a second, there was some stupid, girlie part of her that thought it was kind of sweet. Until she remembered how fast worrying could snowball to babying, controlling.
“I have a jacket. A hat. Gloves. All these magical things to keep me warm.”
“And just how many brain cells do you think you lost when you practically couldn’t breathe for a few minutes? Not sure I can trust your judgment.”
She gritted her teeth, did everything to keep the snap out of her tone. “I’m fine.”
“Oh, are you? You hadn’t mentioned that eight million times. Just shut up for a few minutes so I can call the tow.”
She grabbed the phone out of his hand as he held it to his ear. “Don’t be stubborn and stupid.”
He snorted. “You oughta talk.”
“I’m...” Oh, God, she hated this part. “Sorry. I’m sorry I was kind of an ass before. I just can’t stand being hovered over.”
His eyebrows lifted. “I was hovering?”
Okay, not really. Not suffocating, anyway. She’d been pretty bad off and he’d been worried. It was just, she couldn’t tell him why that scared her or put her back up. She couldn’t explain it was the thing she most feared.
Because she wouldn’t admit to anyone she feared anything. “I said I’m sorry. What more do you want?”
He rolled his eyes. “Not a damn thing, Leah. Just give me my phone.” He held out his hand and she stared at it.
They came to impasses like this from time to time. Both so certain they were right. Both irritated and defensive. She hated the way it tied her up in knots. She hated feeling guilty and stupid, but most of all she hated the thought of him being angry with her.
Which was so pathetic it was laughable.
“My family thinks you asked me out at New Year’s last year.” It was the only thing that would distract him no matter how much she dreaded discussing it, and it was better than arguing. “Besides that, I haven’t talked much about it. If Mom asks I say we went to a movie or dinner and I change the subject. It’s not like I’ve created some elaborate fantasy. You’re a prop. I don’t enjoy lying to them. It’s just necessary.”
He studied her with an unreadable expression. So rarely did he have a poker face, it made her nervous and uncomfortable. She went back to focusing on making the tea he probably wouldn’t drink. Then she remembered she still had his phone, and she stopped abruptly halfway between him and the stove.
“Why is it necessary to lie?”
The heart that wasn’t hers ached in a place that was. “I told you why. The whole thinking-I-need-a-man thing.”
“Okay, I get why that bugs you, but why lie to them about it? You’re not exactly the pretend-to-be-something-you’re-not type.”
Leah frowned. It was true, but this was different. So much more important. “They’re my family.”
“They should love you for who you are.”
“I owe them too much for that.” Disgusted with herself for saying it, she handed him his phone. “I’m going to go put my coat on, find a flashlight and take a look at your car. Might be able to jury-rig something.”
“Leah—”
She didn’t stick around to find out what he wanted to say. She’d revealed too much already.
* * *
“THERE. START IT.”
Jacob looked down at the engine Leah had been fooling around with. Between the streetlight and her flashlight, he could see well enough. Unfortunately, he knew jack about cars, so seeing it didn’t help the situation. “You really think you fixed it?”
“It’s below freezing. Start the damn car and we’ll find out.”
Since her teeth were chattering and he wasn’t exactly warm and cozy, either, he hurried to the driver’s side and turned the key in the ignition. When the engine started, he stared, a little dumbfounded and possibly a little emasculated. “You did it.”
Her mouth quirked into a grin. It was dark, but her face was illuminated by streetlights and headlights. He stood with his hand on the keys, wondering at how he’d let a girl fix his car.
“Aw, come on. Don’t be one of those guys.”
“One of what guys?”
“The guy who gets his panties in a twist because a woman knows more about cars than he does.”
“My panties aren’t in a twist,” Jacob grumbled. He wasn’t one of those guys. More power to her. Really. He’d work on that feeling, anyway.
Leah laughed. “Your car works. Go home, huh?”
Jacob scowled at her. She was all bundled up in her heavy jacket and bulky stocking cap, but she was smiling and even in the dim light he could see she wasn’t as gray and pale as she’d been.
“Your color’s back.” He didn’t realize it was a mistake until his fingertips grazed the skin of her cheek and something electric and upending met with the touch.
She didn’t back away, didn’t looked shocked or disgusted or angry or amused. For a second, just a nanosecond, it was almost as if she leaned into it.
That...couldn’t be. Jacob pulled his hand away, trying to make sense of it. That she might want him to touch her. That was crazy, though. They were friends, and she’d always gone out of her way to make sure he knew he was not her type.
“Good night, Jacob.” Quickly, she walked away. The weird moment was gone, but he couldn’t stop turning it over in his mind.
He watched her go, a big, shapeless figure in the frigid dark. She disappeared inside, her door closing with a distinct thud.
Leah. Wanting him to touch her. Liking him touching her.
You touched her cheek, you whack job.
Yes. Yes, that. It had been an innocent touch in the cold and there was nothing to sit here and think over. He jammed his hand back into his glove.
But even as he got in his car and drove back home, the moment stuck in his mind. And he wondered something he’d never allowed himself to wonder before.
What if this little attraction he’d always shoved to the back of his brain wasn’t so lopsided?
He didn’t have an answer for that, but he knew one thing. The question was going to haunt him for a very long time.
* * *
“SO, WHAT’S UP with you?” Grace plopped in the seat next to Leah. The kitchen at MC was always a revolving door around lunchtime, everyone eating on varying schedules. Ever since Grace had moved into MC earlier this year when the ex-boyfriend who’d beaten her up had gotten out of jail, it wasn’t unusual that Grace and Leah would eat together, but Leah had to admit she’d been hoping to eat alone today.
So, she almost said she was fine. Almost smiled and shoved the offensive sandwich in front of her down her throat, but that wouldn’t solve her dilemma. “I need to tell you something, and, for the sake of my sanity, I need you not to tell me I’m nuts.”
“Even if you are?”
“Especially if I am.”
“Gotcha. Shoot.”
“So, you know how my family is coming on Friday and we haven’t always been the kind of close-knit family you have and all that?”
Grace nodded, cracking open a can of pop and thankfully giving Leah time to spit it all out.
Leah pushed the plate away. She couldn’t beat the nausea that all these nerves and stress were causing. “Well, they have this thing about being really overprotective, and in an effort to downplay some of that overprotectiveness, I kind of lied about a few things to them.”
“You want us to corroborate?”
Leah nodded. If she was a hugger, she’d have her arms around Grace right now for understanding so well. But then, she hadn’t told what they needed to corroborate yet, either.
Leah swallowed. “I made up a boyfriend.”
Grace laughed. “Wait. Seriously?”
“Yup.”
“Okay, so...if they bring up a boyfriend we just smile and nod and pretend like we know about him. We can do that.” Grace squeezed her arm. “Hardly a favor worth getting nervous about asking.”
“I’m not totally done.”
“Oh. Okay. So, what’s the rest?”
“I didn’t make up a boyfriend, exactly. I used someone real as my fake boyfriend.”
“Really? Who? If it was Ryan Gosling I don’t think you’re fooling anybody.”
Leah wished she could laugh, but the nerves and fear over Grace’s reaction closed her throat, making it impossible.
“Leah? Who is it?”
“Jacob.”
Grace laughed. “Am I supposed to understand whispered mumbling? Come on. Who is it?”
Leah stared hard at her hands, and this time when she spoke she made sure to enunciate. “Jacob.”
“Jacob,” Grace repeated.
Leah could only nod.
“My brother, Jacob. That Jacob?”
Again Leah nodded. Preparing herself for a lecture on being crazy or explaining how it would never work or anything besides understanding.
“Makes sense.”
Man, the McKnights sure didn’t make it easy on her to beat herself up. Both Jacob and Grace acted as if it was the most normal thing in the world for her to pretend Jacob was her boyfriend.
“Have you told Jacob?”
“Yeah.”
When Grace didn’t say anything else, Leah thunked her forehead against the table. “And this is where you’re dying to tell me I’ve gone batshit crazy.”
“No.” But a weighty silence followed and Leah braced herself for something. “And Jacob agreed to pretend, I’m assuming.”
“Yeah.” Leah shook her head, gave her forehead another thunk. “Say it. Just, whatever it is, tell me. I can handle it.” Maybe.
“Don’t you think it might be a little awkward pretending to be with Jacob considering...”
Leah straightened in her chair, the heat of embarrassment climbing her cheeks and forehead. “Considering what?”
“Well, you guys just have...a thing.”
“A thing?”
“Yeah. Like a weird energy. Like maybe there’s a little interest or attraction there. Kyle and I have both definitely noticed a thing.”
“There is no thing. We’re thingless! Well, he’s not. I mean, I assume he’s not. It’s not like I actually know. Oh, my God. Shut me up. Please.”
Grace was doubled over laughing and Leah wanted to disappear into the floor, but it was all so ridiculous she found herself laughing, too.
When was she going to accept this plan was stupid? Crazy? When would she accept lying probably wasn’t the best way to reunite with her family?
Probably never. Because she’d thought about this problem for months. Going over every detail in her mind. Every possible scenario, but none of them worked. None of them allowed her what she wanted. Nothing except this crazy scheme.
“Leah, be straight with me.”
Leah met Grace’s steady gaze and sighed. “Okay, maybe there’s a little thing. But it’s...nothing. It won’t be awkward. It’s a favor. We’re just friends, and I can’t imagine anything that would change that.”
Grace looked less than convinced, but she didn’t say anything more and that was why she was Leah’s best friend. “It’s just pretend. For a week. What could possibly happen?”
Grace shook her head, but before she could offer any worst-case scenarios, Jacob and Kyle walked into the kitchen.
In the end, Leah didn’t know if the interruption was a good thing or not.
CHAPTER FOUR (#ulink_b8879383-c1aa-5884-85a9-e3789fe37140)
WHEN JACOB WALKED into the kitchen of MC, he wasn’t surprised to see Leah and Grace eating lunch together. The two had become close since Grace had moved in. But the pink tinge to Leah’s cheeks was weird, even weirder when it deepened to a full-blown red as she glanced at him.
What had they been talking about that would make Leah, of all people, blush?
“Are we interrupting?” Kyle asked.
Grace glanced at Leah. “You want to tell Kyle, or do you want me to?”
Leah made a go-ahead gesture with her hand, eyes never leaving her sandwich. Funny, Jacob couldn’t seem to take his eyes off the stain of color on her cheeks.
“Or should Jacob be the one to spill the beans?” Grace said in a syrupy sweet voice.
“What are you yapping about?” Jacob muttered, finally tearing his gaze away from Leah. “The favor I’m doing Leah?”
“Mmm-hmm.”
“If someone would care to clue me in, I’d be appreciative,” Kyle said, sliding into the seat next to Grace. Grace leaned over and gave him a brief kiss on the cheek.
It was still a little weird seeing his best friend with his older sister even after months of getting used to it, but it was hard not to admit it worked for the guy. Kyle hadn’t changed into a different person overnight, but his tightly wound self had loosened a little.
And Grace loved him and was going to move back to Carvelle with him, the town they’d all grown up in. It was only fifteen minutes away from Bluff City, but it would be strange. Kyle had been his roommate since college and, until his relationship with Grace, hadn’t gone back to Carvelle since they’d left for school.
Still not something Jacob could wrap his head around.
“It’s no big deal. Jacob’s just going to pretend to be my...boyfriend while my family visits.” Leah pushed her plate around, never once touching the food on it. “It’s hard to explain, but it’ll help me out. And it’s not a big deal and we should all just agree not to talk about it as much as possible.”
“Your...” Kyle blinked a few times. Then he coughed. “Oh, I see.”
Awkward silence descended, and when Jacob caught Grace studying him, he crossed to the fridge. Anything to avoid his sister’s scrutinizing stare.
He didn’t need Grace reading anything more into this whole favor than just a friendly gesture. Or, worst-case scenario, telling Mom. That was another ground rule he needed to set with Leah. No telling his parents while they were trying to fool hers. God only knew what his guidance-counselor mother would read into the situation.
“I put an offer in on the house on Jasmine Street.” Way better to discuss business than anything remotely related to relationship stuff. Of the real or fake variety.
“Jacob.” The disapproval in Kyle’s tone was enough to loosen any awkwardness. Kyle’s conservative business nature, Jacob knew what to do with. How to circumnavigate it when he’d rather take a risk.
“Personal project.” Which Kyle very rarely approved of. Probably because they never stayed personal.
“You have a plethora of personal projects. What you don’t have are unlimited funds. Leah, tell him.”
Her body kind of jerked in response. “Why me?”
“He listens to you.”
She snorted, glanced his way and quickly looked back at her plate. Abruptly, she shoved her chair away from the table. “You know what? I gotta go.” She disappeared before anyone could argue.
Jacob ignored Grace’s frown and Kyle’s considering gaze and focused on making his sandwich. Even though he’d agreed to Leah’s plan, he hadn’t thought about the reaction from people they knew. What those people might think.
“Look, you two can get the pinched, worried looks off your faces. The thing with Leah is not a big deal.” And it wasn’t. A favor. A gesture. That was what friends did for each other. Why everyone was being weird about it was baffling.
“No big deal to you,” Grace said.
“What does that mean?”
Kyle and Grace exchanged a look. It was one that conveyed some shared idea, only Jacob didn’t know what it was. He hated that.
“Be careful with her,” Grace finally said.
It was the kind of admonition that irritated him. As if he was somehow careless with people. Just because he dated. A lot. “I don’t know where everyone got this idea I’m an ass to women. They do the breaking up—”
“You know Leah has a thing for you. You have to know that. And I think you’ve got a weird if not fully realized thing for her, and this pretending? It’s going to be messy. Leah’s been a really good friend to me. I don’t want to see her get hurt.”
Jacob frowned. What a...weird idea. He just couldn’t imagine. Even for those seconds he’d imagined maybe, just maybe, Leah felt that weird attraction, too, he couldn’t imagine hurting her. Attraction or no, she’d never hesitated to kick his ass before. “Leah is tough as nails. How is she going to get hurt?”
“My point exactly.” Grace glanced at the clock. “I have to go to the gallery. Just... We can talk about this later.”
“There’s nothing to talk about,” Jacob called after her. “There’s nothing to talk about,” Jacob repeated before taking a bite of his sandwich.
“Ah.”
“What’s that ‘ah’ about?” Jacob demanded with a mouthful.
“Nothing. Nothing at all. I’m sure it will be totally fine. And nothing will go wrong. And you two won’t...”
The way Kyle trailed off was meant to insinuate something, but Jacob wasn’t biting. “Mind your own business, Kyle.”
“It affects our business. The one we own together. And Leah is a marginal owner as well, if you recall. And then there’s the little fact that you weren’t exactly silent when Grace and I started...seeing each other. Maybe I am minding my business by speaking up.”
“So you guys don’t want me to do the favor she asked me to do because you think we’re going to—what? Fall in bed together and end up hating each other?” Which was really weird to think about. Both sides of that hypothetical equation.
Falling in bed together, well, it may have crossed his mind once or twice, but hating each other? They’d been friends for a long time. Friends who disagreed and argued and still remained friends. How would they end up hating each other?
“I don’t know the circumstances behind it, so I can’t say you shouldn’t do it. But I don’t think Grace cautioning you to be careful is unreasonable. There are some things at stake. Even more than Leah’s feelings, whatever they may be.”
“Because I’m such an asshole? We can’t even trust me to be around people?”
“Because...relationships are tricky. Especially when people are in business together. Because, though you are not an asshole, your track record with women is...less than desirable.”
“Everyone seems to be forgetting the fake part of this whole deal. It’s pretend. I’ve been around Leah for years without hurting these precious feelings she suddenly has. We aren’t really going to be dating. You guys understand that, right? It’s pretend.”
“But whatever...undercurrent runs between you and Leah isn’t.”
Grace said Leah had a thing for him. A thing. Whatever that meant. What could it mean? He was actually afraid to find out, because when it came to Leah, he wouldn’t be in control. So, he’d forget Grace had said anything. He’d ignore the things he randomly felt from time to time. They’d pretend for a week, then go back to normal.
“You guys are overreacting.” And they were. They had to be. Whatever “undercurrents” that were there had been ignored for this long. What would change just because they were going to have a few meals pretending to be a little more than friends?
Nothing. And that wouldn’t be hard. Not with a game plan. With a game plan, anything could be accomplished. So, that was where he’d start.
* * *
LEAH ATTACHED ELECTRICAL tape to the base of the light fixture she was rewiring to be put in the Council Bluffs house. The smaller work had always been her favorite part of being an electrician, even more so since she was working in restoration. Most of what she had to do was throwing away the old and putting in something new, but these smaller light-fixture projects meant making something old and past its prime useful again. It was all good work, fulfilling work, and it never failed to remind her how lucky she was.
These small projects also gave her the opportunity to work in her little shed office in the back of MC’s big house. She could blare her heavy metal and not listen to Jacob or Kyle whine about their ears or her mess. This was her domain.
She set the finished piece into some bubble wrap, then a box. The next few weeks would be slow until the planned trip to Council Bluffs at the end of January. She’d finished almost all her work on the Bellamy project and Jacob’s little side project downtown. She wasn’t needed on anything in the big house for a while. So, it was just light fixtures until mid-January.
The slowdown was purposeful for the holidays. Time to visit families, and most people didn’t want work done on their homes then, so it all made sense. In years past, she’d thrown herself into her own house, but this year she would actually have family around.
The thought filled her with equal measure hope and dread. Hope she could repair the lingering rifts with her family; dread this whole Jacob thing was going to blow up in her face in more ways than one.
She didn’t want Grace blabbing to Jacob she thought they had a thing or that Leah had admitted as much. Leah hadn’t been lying when she’d said she saw no scenario that would change her current relationship with Jacob. They might be friends and she might have a small investor’s hold in MC, but he was still her boss.
And she had a lot more secrets than being all but in love with him. Secrets that would change the way he acted toward her, that would kill any idiotic feelings she harbored. Jacob would hover. He would micromanage. He would ruin the life she’d built, simply by knowing and being himself.
Which was what she had to remember. Always. With her parents around, that shouldn’t be hard. In fact, worrying about this was silly. Everything would be—
A knock interrupted her pathetic attempts to convince herself she wasn’t an idiot.
When Jacob stepped in, she pointed a screwdriver at him. Antagonism was always the best shield against weakness. “You are not allowed in here, and you know it. Not after last time.”
“I was trying to organize—”
“And I couldn’t find my ammeter for a week.” She waved the screwdriver at him. “What do you want?”
“Can you turn that crap down so I don’t have to yell?”
Her music was not that loud, but she grumbled a complaint and walked over to push the off button. When she turned to him again, he was bending over to pick something up off the ground.
“You touch that I will kick your ass.”
He scowled at her, still bent over. “Because you’re leaving that screw on the floor for safekeeping?”
She merely raised a brow, and after a few seconds he grunted and stood up, leaving the screw right there. Oh, she so did enjoy winning. Especially against Jacob.
“At least take down the Joe Mauer poster. It’s not professional.”
“So? Clients don’t come back here. Besides, he’s dreamy. Don’t be jealous because the Cubs don’t have a decent-looking guy on their team.”
Jacob grimaced. “Girls are so weird.”
“Like you wouldn’t have swimsuit models plastered all over if you had a workshop.”
“I most certainly would not.”
“Lies.”
“Well, not all over.”
“Ha!”
“Listen, we need to talk.”
Leah’s stomach sank. Nothing good ever came from a sentence that started with listen, especially if it ended with needing to talk. “Um, okay.”
“We need a schedule.”
Leah furrowed her brow. “For what? The Jasmine Street project? You haven’t even bought—”
“For your parents.”
So, it was about that. Hello, awkward city. “Oh. Oh. Well.”
“We need a blueprint. We need to plan. We can’t go into this willy-nilly or we’re going to get burned.” He stood by the screw on the floor, businessman face on. This is what we’re going to do. It served him well as a business owner and contractor. She didn’t like it being transferred to real life, though.
“God, you and your blueprints.”
“You know I’m right.”
Ugh. He probably was. She’d been so worked up about asking him for the favor, she hadn’t fully planned out the how part. How was this going to work? What did she expect him to do?
She had to look away from him or that idiotic heat that had been stealing over her face a ridiculous amount lately would be blatantly obvious.
Yes, maybe a blueprint was the way to go. If they had a set way to deal with it, nothing could go...awry. “Okay, so, what do you suggest?”
“Well, we need to think about how this is effective. I come to dinner with you guys once or twice? They come see MC? And how do we handle Christmas? I don’t think getting my parents tangled in this is a good idea, so we need to make sure there’s no overlap there. Mainly, we need to start thinking like a couple.”
Leah snorted. She might have the hots for the guy, but them seeing eye to eye had never been a strong suit.
“Hey, you’re the one who told your parents you were in a yearlong relationship with me.”
“Yeah. Probably because I wanted to strangle you that day, so you were the first name that popped out of my mouth.”
He shook his head. “Anyway, stay for dinner. We’ll get Grace’s help. No reason not to get extra help to think through everything.”
Leah couldn’t decide if Grace’s help would be good or bad. But what other choice did she have? “Thanks. You’re...going above and beyond here. Thank you. Really.”
“I like you grateful. It’s a nice change of pace.”
Leah rolled her eyes, but because she was an idiot, him liking anything about her made her feel weird and jittery.
“What were you talking about today?”
“Huh?”
“You and Grace, when Kyle and I came in... What were you talking about that had you blushing?” He leaned against the door, studying her face intently as if looking for said blush.
“I don’t blush.” But the heat was stealing over her cheeks and with skin as fair as hers there was no hiding embarrassment.
“You’re doing it right now.”
“It was nothing.”
“I’m finding that harder and harder to believe.”
“She just thought we had a thing and I told her we didn’t.” Before she told her they did. “And I told her nothing would ever change that.”
“Nothing?”
“Nothing.” In a fantasy world? Sure. But she didn’t live in a fantasy world. She lived in a sickly, shorter-life-expectancy, didn’t-handle-smothering kind of world. Jacob could only exist in that world as he was. No amount of pretend could allow her to forget that.
“So, I’ll stay for dinner. Can I get back to work now?”
He stood there staring at her for another minute and she purposely avoided his gaze. Whatever he was looking for, she wouldn’t let him find it.
“Yeah, sure,” he finally said and left her little work shed.
Leah let out a long breath and sat down on her bench. She’d known this wasn’t going to be easy, but she’d thought the hard stuff would start with her parents’ arrival, not before.
Well, she didn’t have a choice, did she? Time to gird her loins, or something less...loin-related, and handle the hard stuff. Because the result was going to be a relationship with her parents and brother, whom she’d missed. And that was worth a little hard and a little embarrassment.
She’d do good to remember that.
CHAPTER FIVE (#ulink_7f2e073a-856f-5750-98c9-f8035ea874c9)
JACOB SAT AT the kitchen table armed with a notebook, a calendar, a pen and a pencil. He wasn’t Kyle’s level of anal rigidness, but he liked to be organized. He loved a good plan. How could you ever get what you wanted if you didn’t have a plan?
Leah, though, looked at everything as if it might bite and poison her. She was a great electrician. He’d never had one complaint about her work or her work ethic, but he had no idea how she did it all in the constant state of disarray everything in her orbit seemed to be in.
“Isn’t this all a little much for one week of...whatever?”
“Consider it a business plan.”
“If you say so,” she muttered. “Where’s Grace with the chicken?”
“She should be back soon. Now, let’s start with arrival. Flying or driving? And when do they get here?”
Leah let out a gusty sigh. “Driving. Friday. Get here around three o’clock.”
“Should I be there?”
“Hell no.”
“Is that a Leah ‘hell no’ or a girlfriend ‘hell no’?”
She worked her fingers through her messy braid, making it even messier, so the light brown strands framed her face.
Not that he was noticing that. Nope.
“I don’t think they’d expect you to be with me. I haven’t seen them in years.”
“And why is that?”
When she only pursed her lips, he leaned forward on the table, trying to catch her eye. “Don’t you think they’d expect me to know what the source of the problems you guys had is?”
“I...” She shook her head and swallowed. “It’s really complicated and I don’t think it’ll come up. I... Jacob, we just don’t get along. And part of that is because I was a shit teenager, and I...I wasn’t a good person to them. Okay, so let’s just go with it’s my fault and that’s all you need to know.”
“I can’t see you being shit to anyone who didn’t deserve it.”
“They didn’t.” She was so emphatic. “I was... Things were different. I’m a different person and I owe them...so much. Probably the truth, but I’m not sure I can keep being this person if I give them that. So here we are.”
The whole conversation was so vague, but the obvious anguish and guilt in her words kept him from pressing further. After all, she was right. It wasn’t as if her family was going to sit around rehashing all the bad stuff between them with him around.
Of course, that didn’t stop him from being curious. Or concerned. Well, that wasn’t his place, either. He scrubbed his hands over his face, then focused on his calendar. “Okay, so you don’t need me Friday. What about Saturday? Sunday and Monday are Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, so I’ll want to spend the majority of those with my family. We should definitely do something Saturday. Dinner?”
Leah nodded. “Yeah. Mom will want to cook for you.”
“See? This isn’t so hard. Now, we need to cover some basics of our relationship.”
“Our fake relationship.”
“The key to fooling anyone is believing it. Trust me.”
“Why? You’ve pretended to be something you’re not so often in your life?”
He shrugged. Maybe he hadn’t pretended to be someone else, but he’d done plenty of pretending. Plenty of fooling people he loved. “I know a thing or two.”
“Please.”
Thankfully Grace chose that moment to walk in with the food. “All right. Sustenance. I see you’ve started without me.” She plopped the bags on the table and went to collect plates and silverware. “How’s it going so far?”
“Jacob is telling me all the tips and tricks of fooling people. Because apparently he’s an expert.”
“Jacob? Pretend?” Grace glanced at him, a screwed-up expression on her face. “What are you even talking about? I hate to give him a big head, but one of Jacob’s greatest assets is his honesty.”
“See? You’re no great pretender.” Leah helped herself to a drumstick and some green beans, apparently quite pleased with herself.
“Caught me.” He managed a laid-back grin, one he didn’t feel at all. “But I still think we need to cover all our bases.”
“Can’t hurt,” Grace agreed, biting into a biscuit as she looked at the calendar. “You sure your family won’t expect to see even a little of Jacob on Christmas? My parents expect to see Kyle.”
“But Kyle doesn’t have a family of his own or anywhere else to be.”
“Well, yeah, but if you had a boyfriend, wouldn’t you want to spend part of the day with him? I mean, especially if you’ve been dating an entire year.”
“I haven’t seen my family in many years. As far as they know, I’ve spent every Christmas with Jacob. Trust me, they won’t question it. And if they do, I’ll tell them I wanted to focus on them.”
“It makes sense,” Jacob said, even though Grace was frowning.
They ate their chicken and discussed the day after Christmas. Planned out a time for her family to come see MC with Jacob around but not too many other people. The fewer people they involved, the better. At least on that they agreed.
The back door opened and after a few seconds Kyle stepped into the kitchen.
“Hey, you’re back early,” Grace greeted, all way-too-wide smiles.
Kyle nodded, and Grace grinned at him and then he grinned back. Jacob grimaced, glanced at Leah, who had her nose wrinkled and mouth all screwed up.
“You guys need me for anything else?”
“I think we’ll manage without all your genius contributions,” Jacob muttered.
Grace grinned, popping out of her seat. “Great.” Her and Kyle exited, Grace’s laugh echoing down the staircase.
“How do you live with that lovey-dovey crap?”
“It’s a very big house and I hide a lot.”
She kind of half laughed, but her expression as she looked at where Kyle and Grace had disappeared wasn’t so much amused or disgusted. No, it looked a lot wistful. And it echoed his own feeling on the matter.
It’d been almost six months since he’d been in a relationship, and he missed that ease with someone. Sure, he’d never been in a relationship as long as Kyle and Grace, but it was nice to always have someone to call up and spend time with instead of hiding from his sister and best friend feeling each other up all the time.
“You want to go to a movie?”
“Huh?”
“It’s early. They’re...” He grimaced. “Doing whatever. Unless you have plans. Let’s go do something. That way if your mom asks what we did on our last date we can say, ‘Oh, we went and saw Boneheads.’”
“I am not going to see Boneheads.”
“It’s supposed to be funny.”
“It looks idiotic.” She pushed some hair out of her eyes. “What about Incoming?”
“An alien movie? Are you crazy? Those things are creepy.”
“Oh, poor Jacob is afraid of a few little fictional creatures.” Leah pouted, clearly mocking him, and why that made him smile was completely beyond him.
“You better be careful. I’ll wrangle you into a chick flick.”
“Oh, please. Aliens over chick flick any day of the week.” But she stood from the table and went over to the mudroom, where her coat was hanging. “What about the one with the race-car driver? The main guy is hot and I hear he gets naked.”
Jacob shrugged into his coat. “Why do you have to say things like that?”
She laughed, an uninhibited rumble, and something cross wired in his brain, suddenly making him think about her naked. Nope. Nope. Nope. Not allowed.
He glanced at her as they stepped outside. It was not a date. It was a distraction. A precursor to their ruse at best. Definitely not a date.
But it kind of felt like one.
* * *
WHAT THE HELL was happening?
It seemed innocuous enough, and it was. A movie. Friends went to movies all the time. Even friends who were going to pretend to be a little more than friends for a few days. This was normal.
Leah stared at the seat in front of her while sex noises filled the movie theater. Friends might do this all the time, but it was so not normal.
Planning their fake relationship out over dinner had actually helped alleviate some of the weird. It seemed way more doable to say they’d pretend for two dinners and one afternoon at MC rather than pretend for a whole week. So, he’d been right and things had started to feel more manageable and less...freaky.
And then they’d sat down in a dark movie theater next to each other and watched a movie that seemed to have a whole hell of a lot of sex in it.
Luckily no one could see in the dark that her face was bright, bright red. It wasn’t as though she’d never seen a movie with sex in it; it was just...watching it with Jacob. Occasionally accidentally bumping arms. Oh, God, it was so weird.
When Jacob leaned over and whispered in her ear, she nearly jumped out of her chair.
“I have to go to the bathroom.”
“Oh. Right.” She awkwardly twisted sideways so he could get by. She glanced at the movie screen where the main couple was really going at it. Oh, Jesus. She couldn’t do another second of this. She really couldn’t.
She scurried out of the seat and down the aisle. The lobby was bright but lacking the grunting and “oh, baby” chorus, and she felt as if she could breathe again.
She situated herself near the exit of the men’s bathroom. When Jacob finally appeared after what felt like hours, he gave her a quizzical frown.
“I’m sorry. I can’t sit through any more of that movie with you.”
Relief washed over his features. “Oh, thank God. Let’s go home.”
“Yes. Please.”
The entire drive home was awkwardly silent. The stupid movie just kept playing over and over in Leah’s head. Boobs and groans and butts. She couldn’t erase it. It would be etched there for the remainder of time.
“Just FYI, we cannot tell my parents we saw that movie.”
Jacob’s laugh was a little rusty. “Noted.”
“And we should probably never go to a movie we don’t know much about without doing some research first.”
“Agreed.”
He pulled his truck into the back lot of MC. She didn’t dare look at him. Didn’t dare say anything else except a goodbye.
“I...should head home.”
“Right.”
“Right.” She pushed out of the truck, hopped onto the concrete. Her truck was parked up front, so she started along the walk in that direction.
“Leah?”
Oh, God. She didn’t know why him calling her name filled her with dread; she only knew the last thing she wanted to do was turn around and answer him. Face him. But what choice did she have?
“This is going to come out all wrong,” he said, walking toward her. He cleared his throat, stopping a couple feet away. In the dark, it was hard to see him, but the streetlamp gave her a general idea. “But that did get me thinking your parents are going to expect a certain level of...intimacy between us.”
What? What? “But—”
“I’m not talking about sex,” he was quick to say. Really quick. “I just mean, you’re not very demonstrative as a rule. You don’t even hug Grace, but they’re going to expect you to hug your boyfriend. Hold hands. Kiss on the cheek at the very least.”
Which was all true, but she didn’t know what that had to do with...intimacy. Between them. Ahh. “Okay, so what’s your point?”
He cleared his throat, took another step toward her. Made the throat-clearing sound again. “We need to be able to do that without you blushing and me clearing my throat like an eighty-year-old with a cold.”
“And how do we do that?” she squeaked.
“You also can’t squeak.”
“Jacob.”
“Maybe we should give it a go a few times with no one else looking or paying attention. Just so we can get those nerves and weirdness out of the way.” Again he took a step toward her. She wanted to bolt. Run for the safety of her truck.
“I don’t think that’s possible.” But it was sensible, and that was the only thing that kept her rooted to her spot as he advanced. Maybe she could at least get over the squeaking or the blushing. Or the insane urge to run in the opposite direction for fear of making a fool out of herself.
But once he was close. Really close. Like she could reach out and touch him and vice versa close, giving it a go seemed like the worst possible idea ever thought up.
His hand rested on her shoulder and she jumped.
“Oh, come on. It’s not like I’ve never touched your shoulder.”
“Well, not with, like...intimacy intentions!”
He chuckled at that. “Fake intimacy intentions.”
“Right. Well, they may be fake, but it’s still weird.”
“Suck it up because it’s about to get weirder.”
And it did, but probably not in the way he thought she meant. He merely brushed a kiss across her cheek. His arm never strayed from her shoulder; he didn’t linger. It was nothing, really, but her body did not seem to understand that at all. It heated from the inside out. It wanted to lean in. It wanted to press her mouth to his to see what that would be like.
Luckily she’d spent a lot of time making sure her mind ruled her body and not the other way around.
“Maybe we should try that again and this time you don’t act like I gave you an electric shock.”
Oh, God, again? She might spontaneously combust. “Maybe it’d be easier if I did it.” She’d be in control, of the cheek kiss and herself, so it wouldn’t be so...stupidly amazing.
“Okay.”
Jacob wasn’t that much taller than her, but she still had to kind of go on her toes to lean in while keeping herself far enough away so that their bodies weren’t touching. Because that might kill her.
He smelled like sawdust and popcorn, which shouldn’t be appealing but somehow was. How was this happening?
“I can’t.”
“Oh, just do it. I did it. You can do it.”
Well, true enough. If she thought about it like a competition. If he could do it, so could she. She certainly wouldn’t give Jacob any kind of upper hand.
No matter what kind of warped upper hand this was.
She leaned forward, balancing her hand on his shoulder as lightly as she could possibly manage, and quickly brushed her lips across his cheek. Enough to feel the stubble. Enough to feel and that was so bad. So very, very bad.
She swallowed, still kind of half standing on her tiptoes. Too close. Her mind told her she was way too close and it was time to step away, but for the first time in years, her body simply wasn’t listening.
Even in the dark she could make out his eyes on her face. Maybe even her mouth. No, he would not be looking there because—
With no warning, no preamble, he dipped his head and pressed his mouth to hers. A kiss. A real on-the-mouth kiss. Brief. Brief enough she couldn’t even react or reciprocate, and, oh, thank God for that.
He pulled away. “There. Now that’s out of the way. Good night.” And he stalked to the back door of the house.
And she...she was pretty sure she died.
* * *
JACOB STOOD IN the mudroom and scrubbed a hand over his face. He kept thinking if he scrubbed hard enough he could make some sense out of what had happened.
But he couldn’t. He rubbed a little harder, then gave his hair a quick tug. Nope. He’d still kissed Leah. On the mouth. He’d done that.
And he could pretend it had been to get over the jumpy nerves between them. He could maybe even, after a few hours, convince himself it was completely platonic. It was all about the fake relationship.
And nothing about the way her lips had felt on his skin, the gentle pressure of her hand on his shoulder, the smell of old house that lingered in her coat.
But he’d need a few hours to get there and to get the images from that damn movie out of his mind. Out of his imagination somehow tied up with Leah.
“Are you okay?”
Jacob laughed. He couldn’t help it. Just the weirdest damn night of his life. He looked up at Grace standing at the top of the stairs and knew he had to manage a way to not seem guilty. She might think he couldn’t lie, but she really didn’t have a clue.
“What were you two doing?”
“What?”
“I heard your truck pull up at least fifteen minutes ago. What were you doing?”
If she was teasing him, maybe it wouldn’t bother him, but she had that concerned big-sister look on her face and it blanketed all the uncertainty and weirdness and even the kind of giddy confusion.
“Don’t.”
“Don’t what? I’m worried.”
“We were talking. That’s it. Don’t make this into something I’m doing to hurt Leah. Because I’m helping her.”
Right. Because kissing her was a real big help.
“Jacob, I don’t know why you think I’m trying to hurt your feelings by being worried about you and Leah. I’m not saying you’re a jerk. I’m only saying Leah looks at you a certain wa—”
“Just don’t.” And he walked away. Because if he didn’t, he’d get angry, or worse, he’d want to know all the ways Leah looked at him. He’d had enough angry this year, and he had no business thinking about his friend that way.
Not when Grace was right. For whatever reason, despite his best efforts, he couldn’t make relationships work. And having something not work with Leah was never going to be an option.
CHAPTER SIX (#ulink_de404846-9b7c-546a-921e-9a14df845db5)
LEAH DECIDED TO skip working on rewiring for the morning and focus on errands. Errands that could plausibly wait until, oh, say, next year, but she wasn’t going to let herself dwell on that.
Because, yes, of course she was avoiding Jacob after last night. What the hell else would she be doing?
Leah sighed heavily and glanced at the stoplight. It was getting close to lunchtime. Usually when she was doing errands downtown around lunch and Grace was working, she’d text her and see if she could take a lunch break.
Leah didn’t feel much like seeing Grace right now, either. Or Kelly or Susan, the rest of her MC family who would be back at the big house with Jacob, Susan doing her administrative duties or Kelly working on the interior design of the Council Bluffs project.
If she went back to MC and talked to them, she’d be tempted to tell them about Jacob kissing her and hell to the no.
She didn’t know why she kept saying it like that. He hadn’t really kissed her. Okay, he had, but it was his let’s-get-the-weirdness-out-of-our-system plan. Because if it was a real kiss you didn’t say, “Now that’s out of the way” directly after as if it was some dreaded chore you’d finally crossed off your list.
But damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Quick. Surprising. Completely out of left field, and she still couldn’t stop playing it over and over in her head. She hadn’t even reacted in the moment. She could not read anything into it.
But that was exactly what her idiotic mind was doing.
The play of shadows. The contrast of cold air around her, except where he’d touched his mouth to hers.
Aw, crap, this was trouble.
Maybe what she really needed to do was plan a breakup. It was still a lie, but she wouldn’t have to do this stuff.
Of course, then her mother would hover. Ask if she was okay. Start hinting Leah should move back to Minnesota so someone could watch after her. Just in case.
Just in case.
As an adult she could find more understanding in her mother’s smothering. As a teenager it just felt like an affront, but now she could see it through the lens of a mother desperately worried about her daughter’s health. A legitimate worry considering.
Leah wanted to be able to let that understanding make her easy with it. Accept it without having to make up a boyfriend. Maybe even accept it enough that the thought of moving back to Minnesota didn’t make her throat close up with anxiety.
But she lacked whatever decency would allow that.
She needed her space, her autonomy. She’d never be considered 100 percent healthy, but she was the healthiest she’d ever been. She managed her allergies and her asthma, except for when she was cleaning the other night. She took her medication, only occasionally indulged in alcohol. Ate rightish. Exercised more often than not.
It had to mean something. Not just that she could take care of herself, but that she wanted to. Needed to in order to be happy.
Leah drove back to MC with a heavy weight in her chest. It was strange that this impending visit from her family could twist her up in knots, push all those old insecurities and suffocating feelings to the forefront when all she wanted was the family that had caused those feelings.
She wanted Mom to send her care packages with homemade nut-free cookies. She wanted to talk with Dad over a car engine. She wanted to tease her big brother about being as straight as an arrow stick in the mud.
She’d lost all that in the self-destructive years. The support, the comfort, the family. She didn’t want their suffocating ways of showing they loved her, but she did want their love.
Maybe it was too much to ask for. Maybe she simply wasn’t cut out for it.
She groaned into the silence of her truck cab. Once she pushed it into Park, she rested her head on the steering wheel.
She was not going down the self-pity hole. If the past seven years had shown her anything, it was that she was capable of building the life she wanted. So, all she had to do was keep working at it.
And if that meant things getting momentarily weird with Jacob, well, she’d survive it. She’d survived a lot more than some weird inappropriate crush and a fake relationship.
On a deep breath and determined shoulder straightening, she stepped out of her truck and walked into the back entrance of MC.
Voices drifted through the mudroom from the kitchen.
“You’re so good with babies, Jacob.”
Leah stepped into the kitchen and immediately wished she’d gone to her work shed instead. Because Jacob standing in the middle of the kitchen holding Kelly and Susan’s one-month-old girl was just... Was this some kind of karmic punishment for lying to her parents?
But of course, there he was, holding a freaking adorable baby on his hip. Might as well have a puppy lying at his feet and dinner he made on the stove. While doing the ironing.
Well, not with the baby nearby.
Get a grip, you lunatic.
“Hey, you didn’t tell me it was a baby day. I would have put off errands.” Probably not, but she was happy for her friends. Adopting little Presleigh had been something the pair had been working toward for a long time.
And here they were, a pretty little family. She’d focus on that instead of Jacob cooing at a baby. Because, really, karma was a bitch.
“You want a turn to hold her?” Kelly asked.
“Oh, she’s going to need to firm up a bit before you let me near her.”
Susan rolled her eyes, but smiled.
God, babies made her uncomfortable. All that love and need and...expectation. She’d done a pretty good job of hiding that fact from Kelly and Susan, using humor to mask her discomfort. Lack of experience to excuse holding or interacting too much with the gorgeous bundle of blankets.
“How can you be afraid of babies?” Jacob demanded, smiling broadly at Presleigh.
Leah was pretty sure this was killing her. “I’m not afraid. They’re just all soft and...bobbly. I don’t know what I’m doing.”
“It’s easy.”
“Oh, don’t push her. It is something to get used to if you haven’t been around babies much. I think it took me a week to stop shaking every time I picked her up.” Kelly gave Leah a reassuring smile.
Presleigh fussed and Jacob easily maneuvered her onto his shoulder, crooning soothing words and patting her back.
Leah was pretty sure her ovaries exploded.
And then the baby spit up a bunch of white curdly goo down Jacob’s shoulder and back. Ick. Ovaries back in place.
“Well, that is unpleasant,” Jacob said, though his tone was amused rather than upset. He handed the baby off to Susan, grabbed a rag out of a drawer and tried to wipe off the offensive fluids.
“Give me a hand here, huh?”
Aw, crap, he meant her. Leah crossed to him and took the rag and gingerly wiped at the spot on Jacob’s back. He glanced over his shoulder at her, and for the love of God, why was she blushing at that? Because you are loony tunes, Santino.
“There,” she muttered, handing the rag back to him, avoiding all eye contact.
Jacob’s phone dinged. “Conference call,” he said, and since she refused to look at him she had no idea if he was looking at her or what. And then he left, thank God. Her whole body relaxed, until she turned to face Kelly and Susan.
Susan stood next to a sitting Kelly, who was now bouncing the baby on her lap, but all three of them were staring at her, heads cocked in identical scrutiny. Okay, not the baby, but Leah wouldn’t put it past the itty-bitty creature with big blue eyes to be scrutinizing, too.
“So...” Kelly offered.
“So what?” Leah crossed her arms defensively.
“Did you guys sleep together or something?”
“What?” Leah screeched.
“That was weird. Like...sex weird.”
“No, it wasn’t. We did not have sex, and we’re not going to have sex, you nut jobs. I just...asked him a kind of weird favor and we’re still working everything out.”
“Was the favor sex?”
“Good Lord. Do you have sex on the brain? And should you even be talking about sex around your baby? Isn’t that kind of wrong?”
Kelly shrugged. “Maybe.”
“He’s...just going to pretend to be my boyfriend while my family is here. It’s nothing. Except a little weird. But definitely not sex weird.”
Kelly and Susan exchanged a look and Leah groaned. “Save me your married looks and your disbelief. It’s just...it’s just...”
Kelly and Susan waited expectantly, but Leah didn’t even know what she was arguing at this point. She was flustered and embarrassed and about two seconds away from confessing the weird pseudokiss last night. Because these were her friends and usually she confided in them about all manner of man stuff, but this was all wrapped up in stuff she told nobody.
Besides, if she confessed the fake kiss, then they’d really think this was about sex. “It’s nothing. I have work to do.” She stomped off and repeated those seven words over and over in her head, hoping desperately that they were true.
* * *
LEAH WASN’T GOING to like it, but Jacob was used to doing things Leah didn’t like. And, okay, maybe he got a little thrill out of riling her up. Maybe.
He stood on her porch trying to ignore the prick of conscience. This was a little bit of a line cross, especially considering he’d kissed her last night. And she had acted incredibly uncomfortable around him all day.
He supposed that should bother him. But it didn’t. Not in the way it should. He didn’t feel bad or want to get rid of it.
He wanted to explore it. He wondered, way too much in the span of twenty-four hours, What exactly might be the harm? Aside from screwing everything up, remember?
He was having a hell of a time remembering.
He knocked on Leah’s door. Kyle’s and Grace’s disapproving faces annoyingly popped into his mind, but he pushed them away. He wasn’t a complete and utter moron. He could keep his hands to himself.
He could also not keep his hands to himself without ruining everything.
Okay, if history served, that wasn’t true at all, but he’d never exactly gotten handsy with someone he’d been friends with first before.
And when you were a twenty-eight-year-old man using the word handsy in your internal monologue, you really, really needed to get a grip.
“What are you doing here?” Leah demanded, not even opening the door the entire way. In fact, she seemed to be using it as somewhat of a shield.
Jacob held up his toolbox. “We have work to do.”
“I told you—”
“And you really thought I’d let that stand in my way?” He shifted from foot to foot. “I’m freezing very important bits off here. Please let me in.”
She cursed and grumbled, but the door swung open and he stepped into the warmth of her cluttered entryway. She was wearing an oversize sweatshirt, baggy sweatpants and her hair was a haphazard mess on her head.
He made himself look at her face instead of the freckled shoulder exposed by the too-big neckline of her sweatshirt.
“You know Friday is only three days away, right?”
She glared at him. “Cleanliness isn’t my strong suit. I get it. I’m trying to work on it, but—”
“But it’s impossible to put your shoes where they belong?”
“But I like doing things my way. Which is why I don’t want you butting in on that third room.”
“I can’t take it. It’s eating me alive. Just sitting there in disrepair. Let me. Please.” He grinned at her because he knew at least this was their common ground. House stuff. Restoration. They could disagree about everything but this passion they shared.
Do not think about the word passion.
She pressed her lips together in the way she did when she was trying not to smile. Some days he tried to poke out the smile as much as he tried to get under her skin.
“It is hard to say no when you say please.”
“I’ll keep that in mind.” He didn’t exactly mean for that to sound suggestive; it just came out that way. She turned away and he wondered if she was blushing. Like this afternoon when she’d wiped baby spit-up off his back. That was a weird moment. Weird in its domesticity and proximity and everything.
Christ, what are you doing?
He was going to do a little restoration work, that was what he was doing. He nodded, following Leah to her extra room. He’d lose himself in measuring and planning and he wouldn’t think about Leah that way and if he did...
Grace’s words niggled at him. Be careful with her. I don’t want to see her get hurt.
Aaaand now he felt vaguely sleazy even if he did consider Grace’s admonitions ridiculous.
He needed to start dating again. All this alone time really screwed with his mind.
“Ah, my precious.” He set his toolbox down, immediately going for the measuring tape and notebook he’d jotted notes down in the other day. “How can you stand it?”
“The same way I stand a lot of things. Willful ignorance,” she muttered. Then she glanced around the room. “We have four days. What can we do?”
“I don’t have any pressing business this week. I can get the floor done tomorrow.”
“Too much damage to get it done in one day even if I help you. Besides, I don’t have the money for this.”
“Well...”
“No.”
He hated the way she shut him down before he even suggested anything. She was always doing that. As if she could read his mind. Except, obviously she couldn’t or they would be doing a lot more interesting things than talking about money and floors.
Or maybe she was just being sensible. Which was also quintessentially Leah.
“A loan.”
“You already sign off on my paycheck, asshole. You’re not giving me money.”
“Asshole? Seriously? Calling the man who signs your checks ‘asshole’ seems like a bad move.”
She pinched the bridge of her nose. “Oh, you are giving me a headache.”
“You invested in MC. We can cash you out.”
She dropped her arm, blinked incredulously. “So then I’m not invested in MC?”
Okay, he hadn’t thought that through. “Just take a damn loan, Leah.”
“Take a damn step back, Jacob.” She glared, so he glared back. This was often where they ended up. And yet, at the end of the day, they still walked away friends.
It was one of the few things in his life he couldn’t work out.
“Why are you really here?” she asked, sounding far more exhausted than she looked.
She looked rumpled and pretty. Usually she had that tough-girl exterior, all put together like armor. But in her slouchy clothes and with her messy hair, obviously tired and fed up with him, she looked infinitely touchable. “Do you really want to know?”
She looked away. “No,” she grumbled. “You’re right. I don’t.”
“Well, then let’s talk about drywall.”
“No. I’m closing the door. They’re not going to see it, and on the off chance they ask why my contractor boyfriend hasn’t had his grubby paws all over it, I’ll tell them the truth. I can’t afford it. I have one guest room suitable for my parents, and Marc can crash comfortably on the pullout couch. It’s fine.”
Another thing he couldn’t work out was how easily she irritated the crap out of him just by being so damn reasonable. Because she wasn’t wrong, and he wasn’t right and he hated that.
“Fine. You’re right.”
“I’m sorry—can you repeat that?”
He scowled. “Bite me.”
She smiled and it didn’t take that clingy red dress from the party for him to think about the fact her bedroom was right across the hall.
Yeah, seriously, why had he come here? Did he really think he was just going to walk in and redo this room? No, he’d been thinking...well, not thinking. Feeling. Restless.
Maybe he needed to tell Grace to be his babysitter because he couldn’t trust himself with the idea of a “thing” hanging between them.
“Why don’t we talk about why you really came here?”
“I thought you didn’t want to.”
“Well, maybe we need to.” She looked up at him, brow furrowed, blue-green eyes shading toward blue in the darker light. “Why did you kiss me?”
Full truth or half-truth? In this case, as much as he wanted to let the full truth go, the half-truth was the right way to go. Knowing Leah had some kind of low-level interest in him didn’t change a thing because she hadn’t acted on it. Not once in five years.
And he hadn’t, either. The red dress certainly wasn’t the first time he’d thought of Leah inappropriately. This whole pretending-to-be-involved thing was bringing it to the forefront, but he’d been reasonable for five years, too.
Maybe if he wrote it on his palms he’d remember that before barreling over here whole hog again. Yeah, half-truth was the way to go. “We’re going to have to.”
“Why on earth would we have to?” Throwing her hands in the air, she stalked away from him, then back. “People don’t make out in front of their parents.”
“It was a peck on the lips. Your parents are going to expect that. If there aren’t at least some teeny tiny gestures of affection, they’re going to think we’re not happy, and if your mom really is so desperate for you to have a significant other, she’s not going to want to see you unhappy.”
“But...”
“You know I’m right. I’m sorry kissing me was such a terrible hardship for you, but this was your idea.”
She didn’t say anything about it being a hardship or not, and maybe it was idiotic of him to hope she would. Maybe actually kissing her had killed whatever “thing” Grace thought Leah had for him, because it had been the lamest kiss of all time. And maybe that was a good thing. Too bad it hadn’t done the same for him.
“Who knew you could think like this?” she finally said.
“Like what?”
“Like...all devious and good at lying. I just... It’s not something I would’ve given you credit for.”
“Leave it to you, Leah, to give someone credit for being devious and good at lying. I told you I’ve had practice.”
“But you won’t tell me what. Is MC some kind of drug front?”
He spared her a withering look. “Really?”
She crossed her arms over her chest, stubborn glare fixed on her face. “Tell me.”
He could argue. He could walk away. He could do a lot of things, but, eh, why not tell her? Maybe she’d trust some of his suggestions if he did. “Okay, you asked for it. When I was in high school, my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer.”
Her expression, her stance, it all softened. “I...didn’t know that.”
“Neither do I, technically.”
“Huh?”
“Mom didn’t want to tell anyone. Not wanting people to worry and all that bullshit. Grace found out somehow, but they decided to keep it from me.”
“But you knew.”
“Of course I knew. But they didn’t want me to, so I pretended like I didn’t. I figured I could give them that. But, let me tell you, it wasn’t easy to do. It is not easy to watch your mom lose a ton of weight, not easy to pretend the wig she was wearing was real. And it’s really not easy to watch her pretend everything is fine when all the while she’s practically dying. It takes real skill to pretend that doesn’t exist.”
The silence between them filled him with an unfamiliar panic. He’d never told anyone that before. Mom and Dad and Grace still thought he was clueless. He’d never confided in Kyle or anyone else at the time, and it had never seemed pertinent after.
“Jacob.”
“It’s not a big deal.” He suddenly felt very uncomfortable. Uncomfortable enough that he had to move. And not look at her. And move. He walked around the room, poking at peeling plaster and warped floorboards.
But eventually the silence was too much, and when he looked up, she was still standing in the same place, watching him with a kind of pained look.
“What?”
“It’s...” She swallowed, and if it was anyone besides Leah he might think the bright sheen to her eyes meant she was about to cry. But Leah... He could not picture Leah crying.
“I think the fact that at sixteen or whatever you...carried that burden and didn’t tell anyone. I think that is really...amazing. I was not that together as a teenager. Not even a little.”
He shrugged because it hadn’t been about being together. It hadn’t been about anything except doing what they wanted. Sure, he’d been scared and it hadn’t been easy not to hug Mom a little more tightly, stay home instead of hanging out with his friends. It wasn’t easy, but it was just...what had to be done.
She touched his elbow, her fingers curling around his arm. She swallowed again. “I really do think that’s amazing.”
The compliment made his chest ache in a way that was entirely new to him. It wasn’t exactly a pain, just a kind of weird...pressure. The fact that she thought this was such a big thing made it feel bigger even though it was twelve years ago.
“Well, you know, you do what you have to do for family.”
She nodded. Obviously she agreed. They were doing this ridiculous pretending thing. But she wasn’t letting go of his arm. Her hand held him there in a tight grip.
And that meant he couldn’t step away, and it meant stepping closer was too tempting to resist.
Her eyes didn’t leave his, and she didn’t move away. They just...stood there, and all he could think about was last night when he’d kissed her. A nothing kiss. Seconds at most, born of some weird frustration and none of the heat or sparks he felt standing right here, right now.
He could kiss her this time and it wouldn’t be veiled in pretend, and it would be a hell of a lot better than a peck in the dark.
But in the heaviness of the moment, he couldn’t force himself to act, thinking or not. It felt too important. Everything between them felt too important to complicate with a kiss.
This was getting...out of hand. He wasn’t thinking, and that was just not something that usually happened. He was almost always thinking and planning and anticipating, but this was...
He cleared his throat. “Why don’t we talk about your family? They’re going to expect me to know some things, and I know nothing. Except you’ve had some problems.”
She took a step back. “Yeah.” She shoved fingers through her hair, loosening the tenuous pile even more. “And a drink. I need a drink.”
Yeah, he could definitely use a drink. Or ten.
CHAPTER SEVEN (#ulink_4387b683-f3ab-5bbf-af3d-2ee3d4da3044)
LEAH LEANED HER head into the fridge and prayed for divine intervention. Like maybe a lightning bolt to strike her dead. Well, maybe not dead. But it would ideally cause enough of a distraction.
Sadly, no lightning bolts descended, no roofs collapsed. Nope, she had to sit down with Jacob and talk about her family after...that.
“Can’t find anything?”
Right. She was supposed to be finding beer. She made a big production out of moving things around, then pulled out two bottles.
Jacob wrinkled his nose. “You seriously drink that stuff?”
“Sorry I’m not a hipster into autumnal blends.”
“It’s not being a hipster. It’s having taste buds.” But he took the offered bottle and slid into the seat at her little kitchen table. The table itself was cluttered with mail and various winter garments like hats and scarves, but she’d kept stuff off the chairs and the counters all weekend, so she was getting better in the tidying department. Betterish.
She slid into the seat across from him, pulling her sleeve over her hand and screwing the cap of the bottle off. Jacob did the same, glancing around her kitchen. She imagined he found it lacking. Or cluttered. Or both. But he didn’t say anything. His gaze turned to her in that considering, heart-jitter-inducing way he had.
“Your family.”
Yes. That was the topic they were discussing. “Right. Well, Dad’s a mechanic, Mom’s a lunch lady and my brother, Marc... He’s a cop.”
“And they live in Minnesota?”
“Yeah.” It was weird talking about them, even these minor, glossed-over details. It was weird thinking about them and thinking about Jacob. It was still so much like two different lives. Two different Leahs.
“Come on, Leah. You’ve met my parents. Eaten with them. Listened to my dad’s jokes. My mom has forcibly hugged you. Think about the things you know about them and tell me the same stuff about yours.”
How could he be so rational? How could he be so smart about this while she was just a floundering idiot? She thought about his story and pretending he didn’t know his mom was sick and her heart ached for him.
Because even with Jacob’s secret, he was close with his family. The McKnights weren’t perfect, exactly, but they had the kind of family togetherness Leah had envied in her lesser moments. They talked; they hugged; they loved.
God, what a story. At the age she’d started drinking and sneaking out because she was tired of being confined to hospital beds and being admonished to take it easy, he’d carried the burden and fear of knowing his mother was fighting a possibly life-ending illness. All because he knew that was what she wanted.
If she thought too hard about that...about what it might mean if extended to her, she’d make a grave mistake. So she focused on what she knew about the McKnights.
“My mom makes the best cannoli.” She shook her head. “That’s dumb.”
“No. It’s perfect. Then I can say, ‘Mrs. Santino, I hear you make the most amazing cannoli.’ And then I can quote The Godfather. Perfect.”
Leah sighed, resting her chin on her hand. “She’s going to love you.” And Mom would, because on the surface, Jacob was perfect. Handsome and successful and good with people. He would schmooze Mom, win over Dad, buddy up to Marc.
Jacob grinned. “You say that like it’s a bad thing.”
“It’s going to make it a little harder when I have to tell them we broke up.” She fiddled with the label on the bottle she’d yet to take a sip from. She could tell them that now, avoid this whole pretending thing. Self-preservation.
But the only self it would preserve was the one idiotically wrapped up in her kind of boss/friend. In a man she knew couldn’t make a relationship work, especially with her and all her baggage. And she’d be sacrificing the girl who desperately wanted her family back.
So here it was, and here they were.
“A year is a long time to date someone, then break up. What’s the plan there?”
“I guess I’d kind of hoped I’d find someone real eventually. But, yeah, I’m not sure how much longer I can hold out hope for that.” Hard to build a lasting relationship when you had a huge lie about yourself written all over the scar on your chest.
“I guess I hope they’ll see the life I’ve built here and maybe see...I’m not the idiot screwup they need to smother anymore.”
“What did you do that was so bad?”
“Oh, you know.” She shrugged and shifted in her seat. “Teenage crap.” Not really a lie. Wasn’t teenagehood the time for self-destruction and nearly killing yourself with bad choices?
“Like what?”
“Trust me when I say my parents aren’t going to talk about that.”
He frowned. “Maybe I’m not asking as part of the pretend thing.”
“I thought that’s what this was supposed to be. Preparation for the big masquerade.”
“We’re friends. I’ve known you for over five years. We spend a ridiculous amount of time together, and even knowing you didn’t have a close family, I never would have pegged you as a teenage rebel. Unless by rebellious you mean having a mouth like a sailor and the cleaning habits of a prepubescent boy.”
“No.”
“So tell me.”
Ten years she’d spent working out lies to answer these kinds of questions. She kept her scar hidden, downplayed the trajectory of her adolescence. It was like second nature to diminish, to lie, to put it all away.
It was frightening how much she didn’t want to do that with Jacob. The truth was a million words in her head, dying to get out. Dying to see if he’d do what he’d done as a teenager for his mom, pretend it didn’t exist.
Damn.
“I had a lot of health problems, and I didn’t always deal with them very well. And sometimes I made decisions I knew would put me in danger.”
“Well, that’s the vaguest story I’ve ever heard.”
Leah shoved away from the table. She couldn’t do this. And it wasn’t just because it was Jacob and that moment in the spare room still had her all warm and gooey and tied up in a million indescribable knots. It was because she really hated remembering, reliving, rehashing those years.

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