Rancher's Twins: Mum Needed
Barbara Hannay
How will Holly uncover the brooding cattleman’s secret?Nanny Holly O’Mara has formed a close bond with her late cousin’s little twins. When their estranged father, rough, rugged Australian cattleman Gray Kidman, arrives to take his children to the Outback Holly senses that he is out of his depth! Holly is already in love with Gray’s adorable twins, and she’s soon falling for the mysterious man himself.Seeing him light up his children’s world makes her spirits leap and even begins to heal her own emotional bruises. She can tell Gray is far from indifferent to her, but something is making him push her away…
About the Author
BARBARA HANNAY was born in Sydney, educated in Brisbane, and has spent most of her adult life living in tropical North Queensland, where she and her husband have raised four children. While she has enjoyed many happy times camping and canoeing in the bush, she also delights in an urban lifestyle—chamber music, contemporary dance, movies and dining out. An English teacher, she has always loved writing, and now, by having her stories published, she is living her most cherished fantasy.
In 2007 Barbara won the RITA Award for Best Traditional Romance with Claiming His Family. Adopted: Outback Baby was a 2009 RITA award finalist.
To catch up on all Barbara’s latest news visit www.barbarahannay.com
RANCHER’S TWINS: MUM NEEDED
BARBARA HANNAY
www.millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk)
A sweet ache urged Holly to lean into Gray and return his kiss.
But, to her dismay, Gray pulled away from her. ‘Holly.’
Noooo. She kept her eyes tightly closed.
In the stillness she could hear the hammering of her heartbeats and the reckless pace of Gray’s breathing. He dropped a soft kiss on the bridge of her nose, then moved further away.
‘What—?’ she began, then had to pause to catch her breath.
His sexy blue eyes were apologetic. ‘I’m sorry,’ he said.
Sorry? How could he share the hottest kiss of her life, and then apologise as if it were a mistake?
Distraught, Holly stared at him. ‘Why are you sorry?’
‘I shouldn’t have done that.’ His throat rippled as he swallowed. ‘Please don’t read too much into it.’
What a klutz she was. She’d gone into swoon mode, allowing herself to be completely carried away, while Gray had merely found a new technique to stop her from asking questions. Damn Gray. She could still feel the warm pressure of his lips on hers. She could still smell him and taste him. Could still feel the ripples of pleasure pooling inside her like aftershocks.
But for Gray the kiss had been a game, a purely practical ploy to stop yet another conversation.
I’d like to thank Anne Gracie, for her wonderful
insights into adult literacy,
and Elliot, my live-in bush poet.
CHAPTER ONE
THEY were asleep.
At last.
Holly held her breath as she closed the storybook, then backed out of the children’s room with the stealth of a special ops soldier.
The caution was necessary. Really. These kids could sleep soundly through the familiar blast of car horns and sirens from the busy New York street below, but the tiniest squeak from within the apartment could rouse them to instant panicking wakefulness.
This evening, to Holly’s relief, neither child stirred. They lay perfectly still in their matching bunk beds. In striped pyjamas, one dark head and one fair, they clutched their favourite fluffy toys—a kangaroo for Josh, a koala for Anna—and their eyes remained blessedly closed.
Holly reached the doorway without a mishap and quickly flicked the light switch, plunging the room into darkness. For once there were no responding squawks or protests. Just sweet, blissful silence.
She tiptoed down the hall … and the silence continued.
Fannnntastic. With a little luck, tonight would be a good night. No wet beds. No nightmares. In the past month there’d only been a handful of good nights. But, before Holly could even think about letting out a sigh of relief, her cellphone rang.
No-o-o!
With the speed of a baseball short stop, she dived across the room, snatched the phone from the coffee table and darted into her bedroom, closing the door quickly but softly behind her.
The phone’s screen identified the caller. Her boyfriend, Brandon. Wonderful.
‘Hi, Brand,’ she whispered.
No squeaks emanated from the bedroom down the hall and she sank gratefully onto the bed.
‘Holly, why are you whispering?’
‘I’ve just got the twins to sleep.’
‘Oh, right.’ Brandon gave an audible sigh. ‘How are they coping this week?’
‘A little better.’
‘That’s great.’
Great wasn’t quite the word Holly would have chosen to describe the small improvement in the children’s progress, but of course she wouldn’t correct Brandon. He’d given her fabulous support during the funeral and its aftermath.
‘I got your message,’ he said.
‘Right. Thanks for calling back.’ Holly took a moment to relax into the pillows and she deliberately lightened her tone. ‘So, what do you think? Can you wangle a leave pass for this weekend?’
She crossed her fingers as she waited for his answer. Please come, Brand. I need you.
Brandon’s family owned a dairy farm in Vermont and his dad’s health wasn’t the best, so the responsibility of running the enterprise had fallen squarely on Brandon’s shoulders.
So, yes—it was asking a lot to expect him to get away to New York again so soon. Last month, after Holly’s cousin Chelsea’s sudden and tragic death, he’d taken almost a whole week off to be with her and to help with the children.
That was pretty amazing, actually. Holly had been touched and surprised. Since she’d moved away from Vermont to study in New York, she’d come to accept that if she wanted to see her boyfriend it was up to her to make the effort. She’d grown up on a dairy farm, too, so she understood the demands and she’d been prepared to be the one who did all the travelling. Even so, she’d only been able to see Brandon a handful of times in this past year.
If he came this weekend, she would make sure they had time alone together. She and Brandon had been an item since high school, almost six years. Very soon now, she would be finished with her studies, Anna and Josh would be settled in Australia with their father, and she was looking forward to going home to Vermont to settle down with Brand.
She could so easily picture their lives together—Brandon with his dairy herd, while she worked in the local school, the two of them balancing their day jobs with their life at home, and eventually, with a family of their own—copper-haired children like their dad.
Holly was very happy with that picture, and thinking about her boyfriend always made her feel cosy and safe.
Admittedly, most girls might not place cosiness and safety high on their wish list when it came to boyfriends, but Holly wasn’t looking for a guy who spelled excitement and passion. Her cousin Chelsea, the twins’ mother, had taken that risk and the result had been divorce and heartbreak.
‘I don’t know if I can get away this weekend,’ Brandon said suddenly.
Holly suppressed a sigh. ‘I do understand, honey, but—’
‘Do you?’ His voice bristled with unexpected impatience. ‘Because I don’t understand why you’re complicating this, Holly. The children’s father is on his way at last, so why do you need me? Why do you need my help if he’s going to be there, too?’
‘It would just be good to have your support. I’ve looked after the twins for a month and now I have to say goodbye.’
Holly suppressed a sigh. She needed to be calm and composed when she talked with Gray about his children, and she would have liked a little backup from Brandon. She needed to explain to Gray about Anna and Josh’s schooling needs, their eating habits, their fears …
The twins had been at home on the day Chelsea had collapsed, and it was six-year-old Josh who’d courageously dialled 911. They hadn’t only lost their mommy; they’d suffered a terrible trauma. Anna’s nightmares were truly terrifying.
Holly needed to explain all this to their estranged father, but it would be so much easier if her steady and reliable boyfriend was there as well. As a buffer. An anchor. A safety net.
‘Actually, Holly, I can’t come this weekend.’
The sudden nervousness in Brandon’s voice penetrated the whirl of Holly’s thoughts.
Why was he nervous? Brandon was never nervous. Was something wrong?
‘There’s … um … there’s something I should tell you,’ he said.
‘What is it?’
‘It’s really hard to explain. I … I don’t know how to say this, but …’
Holly’s insides froze and she was gripped by a terrible deer-in-the-headlights fear.
Brandon cleared his throat.
She forced herself to ask, ‘Brandon, what’s the matter?’
‘I didn’t want to tell you before—because of Chelsea and everything …’
‘Tell me what?’ she almost screamed. He was scaring her.
Brandon cleared his throat again.
Holly gripped the phone tighter, squeezing her eyes to hold back threatening tears.
Was Brandon trying to break-up with her?
No. No. Surely not.
Like someone drowning, her mind flashed back through precious memories. The school dance when they’d first met. Brandon helping her with algebra homework at the big scrubbed table in her mother’s cosy kitchen. The familiar, comfortable texture of his lips. The ruby heart locket he’d given her on Valentine’s Day three years ago. The way she liked to bury her nose against the warm freckles on his neck when he held her. The cosy sense of safety that she’d always felt with him.
Now, suffocating panic filled her throat.
She couldn’t bear to think about losing him, especially not when she’d just lost Chelsea. Fear pulled tight knots in her stomach.
Brandon said, ‘You have to agree it’s not really working for us.’
‘What do you mean?’ she bleated.
‘We only see each other a few times a year.’
‘But I’ve almost finished my studies.’ Her voice was shrill now. Pleading. ‘I’ll soon be home for good and we can—’
‘I’m so sorry, Holly. You see, the thing is … I … I’ve met someone else.’
CHAPTER TWO
AS THE taxi pulled into the kerb on West 69th Street Gray Kidman was thinking about the first time he’d arrived at this red-brick apartment block. He’d been a bridegroom then, fired with love and certainty and hope, with no premonition of the heartache that lay ahead of him.
This time he knew what he was in for, knew the challenges and the very real chances for failure. Right now, as he stepped onto the pavement and looked up to the level where his children were waiting, his stomach felt like a jar full of jumping grasshoppers.
His hand was actually shaking as he pressed the security buzzer.
The children answered immediately.
‘Daddy!’ ‘Hi, Dad.’
Gray closed his eyes, momentarily stunned by the emotion his children’s voices aroused. For three long months he’d been waiting for this. First, the wet season floods had held him up, then a broken ankle after a desperate attempt to cross a raging creek. Now, at last, he dipped his head to the speaker phone. ‘G’day, scallywags.’
Anna squealed, ‘I’ll press the button to let you in.’
‘I’ve already pressed it,’ shouted Josh, full of self-importance and equally excited.
A wry smile tilted Gray’s mouth and the glass doors slid open, allowing him access to the apartment block’s foyer. He hefted his duffel bag over one shoulder and strode with only the slightest hint of a limp across the blue-tiled floor. As he pressed the lift button, he reminded himself that he must remember to call this an elevator now. His kids would be quick to correct him.
His kids …
His stomach jumped like crazy.
Taking sole charge of Anna and Josh was a huge task, probably the toughest challenge he’d ever faced. He wanted the very best for them. If it was in his power, he’d give his children the perfect foundation for their lives—a safe and comfortable home, a loving family network, and the best possible education.
The irony was that they had all of the above right here in New York City. This apartment block was secure and modern. His ex-wife’s teacher cousin was a first-rate nanny, and the children’s doting grandparents were nearby. The school they attended had won all kinds of awards for educational excellence.
Although it had nearly killed Gray to let his wife walk away from his Outback cattle property, taking their children with her, he’d been forced to accept that Anna and Josh were better off here in New York than in his home in one of the remotest corners of Australia.
He hadn’t given in without a fight but, despite his heartbreak, he’d eventually let his family go.
Yet, tragically, here he was, reclaiming his children and taking them halfway across the world to the very situation their mother had fled from.
Gray had no other option. Running a cattle station was his only income-earning skill. Jabiru Creek Station was the best he had to offer. It was all he had to offer.
He was very afraid it wasn’t enough.
The elevator arrived and shot him quickly to the third floor, and when the doors slid open his children were waiting for him.
‘Daddy!’ Anna launched herself, like a small torpedo, straight into Gray’s arms.
He let his duffel bag slip to the floor and lifted her high and she clasped him tightly around his neck.
‘Daddy! My daddy!’ She buried her face into his shoulder and her silky fair hair smelled wonderfully of flowers.
‘Hey, Dad.’ Josh was standing close, looking up expectantly.
Crouching, Gray juggled Anna onto one knee and hugged his son. What a fine little fellow Josh was. Gray had been moved to tears when he’d heard that his small son had been brave and quick-thinking when his mother collapsed at home, rushing to dial Emergency.
Now … how good it was to embrace them both. At last.
They seemed fine. Gray had been worried he’d find them pale and pining, but they looked happy and healthy and bursting with energy. It was such a relief.
‘That’s some welcome,’ a voice said and he looked up to see a young woman with dark hair and dark shiny eyes standing in the apartment’s open doorway.
Holly O’Mara, Chelsea’s young cousin. Gray sent her a smile that felt crooked with emotion. He winced at the twinge in his ankle when he stood once more.
‘Holly,’ he said, holding out his hand.
‘It’s good to see you, Gray.’
He didn’t know this young woman very well. On the rare occasions they’d met at family gatherings, Holly had always been shy, keeping well in the background, as if she preferred her own company, so he’d never gone out of his way to chat with her. Besides, she was training to be an English teacher, which meant she was as well educated and cultured as his former wife, another woman destined to remind him of his inadequacies.
But he couldn’t deny he owed her a great deal. She’d been sole carer of his children for three long, difficult months.
With the twins skipping at his heels, he followed Holly inside the apartment. It was then, without warning, that he was sideswiped by a new emotion—the realisation that his beautiful bride was gone for ever.
It was crazy to feel like this now. Truth was, Gray had already lost Chelsea three years ago when she left him. He’d done his grieving then, and in time he’d moved on, eventually finding comfort in a healthy cynicism for the married state.
Now, suddenly, the finality of her passing hit him like a physical blow. A sense of loss descended like black, suffocating cloud.
Don’t break down. Not now. Not in front of the children.
He heard Holly say gently, ‘You’ve had a long journey. Why don’t you go through to the living room? Take the weight off. I have coffee brewing.’
Gray was grateful for the normality and everyday ease of her welcome. ‘Thanks,’ he said. ‘Thanks for everything, Holly.’
Their gazes met in an unexpected moment of connection. Holly was smiling, but Gray thought he saw tears glistening in her dark eyes and he felt a painful tightening in his throat.
He spoke more gruffly than he meant to. ‘Come on, kids, show me the way.’
* * *
Holly told herself to keep smiling as she watched Gray and his children head down the hall. Alone in the kitchen, however, she was fighting tears as she filled the coffee-maker.
It was two months now since her break-up with Brandon, but Gray’s arrival at last brought it all back—memories of the horrible phone call, the heartbreak in the following weeks of anxiety, of hoping against all hope for another call. It was all a mistake, Holly. I really do love you.
But on top of that pain … she felt so tense, so conflicted about this reunion.
Oh, she was very happy for Anna and Josh. She knew how much they needed their father, and it was wonderful to see how thrilled they were. But she wasn’t sure she could bear to let them go all the way back to Australia.
Of course, Gray had every right to take his children home, and there was no denying that he loved them.
Just now, when he’d hunkered down in the corridor to hug them, Holly had seen the way he closed his eyes and held them close against his heart. She’d watched the concentrated emotion in his face, and she’d been so moved she’d almost spoiled the moment by weeping.
Until then, she hadn’t realised how fragile she was after the emotional pressure cooker of the last three months.
She and the children had been through so much together, and they’d grown incredibly close. When Chelsea had died so suddenly, the very foundations of their world had been shaken and Holly had needed to dig deep, discovering a sensitivity and wisdom she hadn’t known she possessed.
Even though Chelsea’s parents lived close by in a luxury Westside apartment, they’d been too shocked and grieving to be of much help. They’d gladly handed over their grandchildren into Holly’s full-time care until Gray Kidman arrived to claim them.
Looking back, Holly wasn’t quite sure how she’d managed. In a cruelly short space of time she’d lost Chelsea, her cousin and her best friend, and then Brandon. Filled with despair, she’d wanted to crawl away and hide for a decade or two, and she might have done exactly that if Anna and Josh’s needs hadn’t been even greater than hers.
To give them the love and attention they’d needed, she’d been forced to put her own heartbreak aside.
So … in a way the children had saved her. But right now, she was finding it hard to accept that her role as an integral player in this little team was almost over. She couldn’t imagine living without them.
‘Look, Daddy.’ Anna lifted her top lip.
‘Wow. You’ve lost a tooth.’
The little girl grinned proudly, revealing the gap. ‘I left it under my pillow and the Tooth Fairy came.’
‘Lucky you.’
‘Josh hasn’t lost any teeth yet.’
His son’s lips were tightly pressed together, and Gray caught a flicker of embarrassment in the boy’s eyes. Clearly, sibling rivalry was alive and well, and no doubt Josh felt left behind in the race to shed baby teeth.
‘Josh must have extra tough teeth,’ Gray suggested.
The boy sent him a grateful smile.
To change the subject, Gray unzipped a pocket on the outside of his duffel bag and drew out a small packet.
‘Is that a present?’ asked Anna, eager-eyed.
‘It’s a game to share with your brother. A card game. Snap. With pictures of the Outback on the back.’
‘Your Outback?’
He smiled uncertainly. ‘Yes. My Outback.’
The twins had been three when they’d left his home—he doubted they’d remember it.
They knelt at the coffee table as Gray fanned the cards onto its smooth glass surface, showing bright photos of kangaroos, pink-flowering gum trees and wide red plains shimmering beneath sunburned skies.
‘Is that where you’re going to take us?’ asked Josh.
Gray nodded.
‘Is your house like this one?’ Anna picked up a card that showed a faded, shabby homestead with a broad iron roof standing alone in the middle of a sparse red desert.
‘More or less,’ Gray admitted with some reluctance.
The little girl stared with large worried eyes at the rather ugly house and stark forbidding landscape.
‘We have more trees than that and quite a decent garden,’ Gray amended, feeling rather like a real estate agent trying to sell inadequate property. ‘My homestead is painted white, and there are lots of extra buildings.’
‘What kind of buildings?’
He realised now that he should have brought proper photos of Jabiru Creek Station, instead of these generic tourist images. ‘We have machinery sheds and storage sheds and houses for the ringers.’
‘What are ringers?’
‘They’re stockmen.’
‘Cowboys,’ added Holly cheerfully as she came into the room with a coffee pot and two black and white mugs.
‘Except that in Australia we don’t call them cowboys,’ Gray amended with a smile.
‘Can we ride horses?’
The animated excitement in Josh’s face was a stark contrast to the sudden fear in Anna’s dark brown eyes. Gray’s chest tightened. His daughter looked so much like her mother. So beautiful, like a delicate flower, and right now, so worried and sad.
‘I have a nice little horse that you can learn to ride,’ he told Josh. For Anna’s sake he added, ‘But you don’t have to ride if you don’t want to.’
He tried to cheer Anna with a smiling wink. She wouldn’t remember how she used to love to ride in the saddle in front of him, while he kept one arm around her and one hand holding the reins. To his dismay, her lower lip trembled. Damn. He had so little experience in handling kids. The simplest thing could suddenly become a huge problem.
Holly, who’d made herself comfortable in an armchair, leaned forward and picked up another card—a picture of blue sky reflected in a large pool of water at the bottom of a steep red-walled gorge.
‘Look, Anna,’ Holly said. ‘Isn’t this beautiful?’
Over the children’s heads, her expressive dark eyes sent Gray a silent message. They needed to change the subject.
‘Do you have beautiful places like this on your ranch?’ she asked him.
‘Sure. We have a fabulous deep gorge and a sizeable river.’
‘Can you swim there?’ Holly asked with an encouraging smile.
Not unless you’re willing to risk being eaten by a crocodile.
Sidestepping that question, Gray said instead, ‘There’s a dam near the homestead where you can swim.’ When it’s not too hot or muddy.
He tentatively touched his daughter’s arm. Her skin was soft and smooth and perfect and his heart lurched. He hated to think of her being muddy or sunburned or in any kind of danger from the harsh environment that was his home.
Would he be able to take proper care of her? He hunted for something positive to tell her.
‘Do you like puppies, Anna?’
She nodded solemnly.
‘I have a nice kelpie and she’s going to have babies very soon. By the time we get home there might be puppies.’
‘How many puppies?’
‘Maybe three or four.’
Anna’s eyes widened. ‘Are they all in their mommy’s tummy?’
‘Yes. They’re growing fat and wriggly and they’re almost ready to be born.’
‘Like Josh and me? We were together in our mommy’s tummy.’
Gray tensed, expecting his daughter to burst into tears now that she’d inadvertently mentioned her mother. His skin grew clammy. His heart picked up pace. Hell. What should he do and say now?
Holly spoke for him. ‘That’s right, Anna. The puppies are just like you and Josh, all together in their mommy’s tummy.’ She said this smoothly and calmly, as if nothing awkward or dangerous had happened. ‘If there are three puppies, they’ll be triplets. If there are four they’ll be quads.’
To Gray’s surprise, Anna grinned, clearly pleased with Holly’s answer.
‘Why don’t you two have a game of Snap while your dad drinks his coffee?’ Holly suggested next. ‘Take the cards through to your room. I’ll call you as soon as lunch is ready.’
‘Is Dad having lunch with us?’ Josh asked.
‘Of course. He’ll be staying here with us for a few days.’
Satisfied, the boy began to gather up the cards and the two trotted happily off to their room.
As they left, Gray sent Holly a surprised smile, shaking his head. ‘They did exactly what you asked. Are they always so obedient?’
She laughed. ‘Heavens, no. Although they’re getting better all the time.’ She poured coffee into two mugs. ‘Here’s your coffee. Drink it while it’s hot.’
‘Thanks.’ He relaxed into the sofa and took a deep sip. The coffee was indeed hot and strong and of very good quality.
Over the rim of his mug he stole a closer look at Holly O’Mara. Although he’d only met her a few times, he was sure there was something different about her. He tried to decide what it was. Was her face thinner? Was that why her dark eyes now looked larger, her mouth more curving and lush, her cheekbones more defined?
Or was there something different about her expression?
The change was hard to pin down, but he sensed a depth in Chelsea’s young cousin that he’d never been aware of before. He knew these past three months must have been very hard on her. No doubt she’d had to grow up fast.
Whatever it was about Holly that was different, the change seemed to suit her. And she’d clearly done a very good job of looking after his children.
‘I hope you realise how very grateful I am,’ he said. ‘Honestly, the way you’ve taken care of the twins has been amazing. Fantastic. It can’t have been easy—being dumped with everything after … after Chelsea …’
Holly nodded. ‘There have been some grim moments, but each day gets better.’
Gray wondered, somewhat anxiously, about the ‘grim moments’. He sat for a bit in silence, wrapped in worried thoughts as they drank their coffee.
‘How’s your ankle?’ Holly asked politely.
‘Oh, it’s fine.’ He pulled a face, remembering the exasperation of the floods, and then the further frustration of his accident. ‘You have no idea how maddening it was not being able to get here any sooner.’
She let out a soft huff. ‘I’ll admit it wasn’t easy at this end, either, trying to convince Anna and Josh that you were held up all that time by floods.’
‘I’m sorry.’
She shook her head. ‘No, you couldn’t help it, and you did the right thing when you asked me not to tell them about the accident. They’d just lost their mom. They would have been devastated if they’d heard their dad was hurt, too.’
‘I wouldn’t have been much use to them on crutches.’
‘Imagine your journey home,’ Holly agreed, smiling. ‘Twenty-something hours on a plane and trying to manage six-year-old twins while you’re hobbling on a cast.’
‘Exactly.’ Gray sat forward, eager to voice the question that had been plaguing him. ‘So—how do you think Anna and Josh will cope with going back to Australia with me?’
He hoped she would answer with an easygoing shrug and a quick reassurance.
They’ll be fine. They’re over the worst now.
To his dismay, she dropped her gaze to her coffee cup and twisted it in her hands.
His throat tightened uncomfortably. ‘I thought my place—somewhere completely different—might help them. Might be a … a distraction.’
Holly looked up again and, when her dark eyes met his, she was frowning. He saw no hint of reassurance.
He spoke again quickly, needing to strengthen his case. ‘This apartment must hold so many sad memories for the children. Won’t it help them to get away?’
Her mouth opened again as if she was going to reply, but then she hesitated.
Gray’s entire body tensed. ‘You agree, don’t you?’ He forced an awkward shrug. ‘I admit you know my children better than I do. I’d value your opinion.’
She responded with a faint smile. ‘I certainly hope they’ll be fine, but I can’t promise it’s going to be easy, Gray. I’m no expert, but from everything I’ve read—’
‘Everything you’ve read?’ He felt himself tense. As a cattleman who’d always relied on purely practical skills, he was sceptical about the glorified merits of the written word.
Perhaps Holly sensed his doubt. Her cheeks flushed deep pink but, when she spoke, she lifted her chin and her dark eyes narrowed. ‘I’ve never had any first-hand experience of grief, certainly not with helping children who’ve lost a parent. So I consulted a GP who referred me to a psychologist, and I’ve done some reading, too. After all, the books are written by experts.’
The skin on the back of Gray’s neck grew hot. Not quite meeting her gaze, he said, ‘So what did the experts have to say?’
Holly set her coffee mug on the table with exquisite care, as if it were a rare antique. ‘It seems that children who’ve suffered a loss can benefit from a predictable routine and structure. The familiarity of a routine helps them to feel secure.’
A predictable routine.
Structure.
Security.
Gray’s heart sank. Predictability and security were scarce commodities in the Outback. Cattlemen and their families lived at the mercy of the elements, or at the whim of fluctuating markets. Daily, they dealt with the problems caused by isolation and vast distances.
He recalled all the things his ex-wife had hated about his lifestyle, and he thought about his experience over the past three months—being cut off by the floods, almost running out of supplies, busting his leg in a flooded river.
Doubts crowded in. What was he doing here? How could he take his kids away from this safe and secure world that they knew and loved?
Abruptly, he stood and strode to the window where he dipped a slat in the blinds with one finger and stared down at the crowded pavements and busy traffic below.
Without looking at Holly, he said grimly, ‘If the experts in your books are right, the last thing my children need is another big change.’
Unhappily, he folded his arms over his chest and his jaw jutted belligerently. ‘I’m planning to drag Anna and Josh halfway across the world to a place that’s completely different from here, and your book-writing experts are telling me it’s the worst thing I can do.’
CHAPTER THREE
FOR a moment, Holly was seriously tempted to tell Gray that yes, his children would be much better off if they stayed right here in Manhattan. Of course they’d be happier if they were allowed to continue in this familiar environment—living in this apartment, going to their highly acclaimed school, playing with their select circle of appropriate friends.
For three months she’d been trying to follow the psychologists’ advice. She’d built little rituals into the children’s days so they always had something to look forward to.
She’d carefully planned mealtimes around their favourite nutritious foods, and she’d scheduled regular after school treats. Of course, she’d made sure that bedtime was special with their favourite stories. And plenty of hugs.
But she couldn’t suggest that Gray would not be able to meet his children’s needs. She’d witnessed his deep emotion when he’d first greeted his children, and she could see the incredible tension in his face right now as he waited for her answer.
Gray wasn’t just a proud, possessive male reclaiming his rights. He was a man who loved his children very deeply. Chelsea’s parents had told her that over the past three years he’d made the arduous journey from Australia to America several times a year, just to see them.
Holly knew that her possibly selfish opinions about the benefits of staying in America had no place in this conversation.
She drew a deep breath. ‘Anna and Josh want to be with you, Gray. You’re their father.’ After a beat, she added gently, ‘They’ve missed you very much.’
His face softened a fraction. ‘But it’s still going to be hard for them to leave here and to make the change, isn’t it?’
She couldn’t deny this. ‘You should probably be prepared for one or two tricky moments.’
‘I was hoping that if I stayed in New York for a few days, and gave them a chance to get used to me again—’
‘I’m sure that will help. And, while you’re here, we can both talk to them about what to expect on the journey and when they arrive in Australia.’
Gray nodded, and let his thoughtful gaze fix on the row of windows on the opposite wall, as if he was seeing far into the distance. Then he sent Holly a slow smile.
Despite the fact that Holly was thinking about Gray’s children and not his looks, something very odd happened to her insides. She dropped her gaze from the sudden flare in his light blue eyes and found safety in the tan leather duffel bag, dumped on the floor by the sofa.
It was the sort of bag that would look at home on a dusty homestead veranda, or in the back of a battered pickup. Here, in this city apartment, however, the scuffed leather holdall looked out of place, almost like a symbol of everything that had been wrong about Gray’s marriage to her cousin.
Chelsea had rarely talked about the problems that had sent her scurrying home from Jabiru Creek to New York. It was clear to everyone that her decision had been painful—that she hadn’t stopped loving Gray, but that she’d loved her ballet and choreography more. There’d been no jobs for a choreographer of Chelsea’s calibre in Outback Australia and, in the end, she’d found it too difficult to relinquish her city life and her career.
She’d told Holly once, ‘It was a fatal attraction. Gray and I were wrong for each other and in almost every way. I think we both sensed from the start that our marriage was doomed, but our feelings were so intense we still had to give it a try.’
Now, sitting mere metres from Gray Kidman’s intensely masculine presence, Holly was all too aware of the force that had urged Chelsea to take that risk. He was still disturbingly attractive. Looking at him, the word manly seemed to take on new meaning.
Abruptly, she jumped to her feet. ‘If you’ve finished your coffee, I’ll show you to your room and you can stow your things away.’
She charged across the room, feeling a need to put a sudden distance between them.
‘Holly, before you go—’
Slowly … she turned.
Gray offered a dangerously shy smile. ‘I know I’m probably old-fashioned and you’re a contemporary New Yorker, but I just wanted to make sure you’re completely okay with having me stay here in your apartment.’
‘Of course. It’s perfectly fine.’ Holly tried to sound offhand. ‘It makes sense.’
‘And your boyfriend? Is he cool with it, too?’
A horrible knife-in-the-heart pain pierced Holly, the pain she always felt whenever Brandon was mentioned. After two months, the shock was still very raw—especially the painful discovery that Brandon had been seeing Maria Swain for six whole months before he’d found the courage to tell her.
Somehow she forced a breezy smile. ‘That’s not a problem. I’m between boyfriends right now.’
Not wanting to see Gray’s reaction, she hurried on to the spare room. ‘It’s important for you to stay here, Gray.’ She tossed the words over her shoulder. ‘You need to maximise your time with the children before you set off.’
‘Thanks. I appreciate that.’
At the doorway, she stepped aside to let him into the room. ‘It’s nothing special, but I guess it’s adequate.’
‘It’s terrific.’ Gray dropped his bag onto the rug at the foot of the single bed. Holly was about to leave when he said, ‘What about you, Holly?’
‘Me? Oh … my room’s … um … just down the hall.’
Gray looked a tad embarrassed and scratched at the side of his jaw. ‘I wasn’t asking where you sleep. I meant—what are your plans now—once the children are off your hands.’
‘My plans? Oh …’ Holly gulped. Talking to this attractive man about bedrooms must have scrambled her powers of thinking. ‘I’ve just finished my final exams, so I’ve started sending out job applications. Who knows where I’ll end up?’
With luck, anywhere except Vermont.
Taking three quick steps backwards, she added, ‘Right now, I need to fix lunch.’
‘Anything I can help with?’
‘No, thanks. It’s only chicken salad. You go and see the children. Join in their game.’
Gray suggested a trip to Central Park after lunch. He always felt more at ease entertaining his children in wide open spaces with grass and trees and blue sky overhead, instead of pavement and department stores and hurrying crowds.
This time, Holly came with them.
Initially Gray hadn’t invited her. He’d assumed she’d be keen to grab a few hours of freedom to paint her toenails, or go shopping, or whatever city girls liked to do when they had time to themselves.
Just as the children and he were about to leave the apartment, however, Holly had handed him a pamphlet.
‘This shows you everything that’s going on in Central Park,’ she’d said.
Gray had dismissed this with a quick, ‘We’ll be fine.’
Even though he was only familiar with a tiny section of Central Park, he could find the zoo, and the carousel. Anna and Josh had never complained. ‘We’ll play it by ear, won’t we, kids?’
Holly looked surprised and she tapped a brightly coloured centre page. ‘But this pamphlet lists all the children’s activities. And there’s a puppet theatre.’
‘Puppets!’ Anna and Josh both squealed in chorus. ‘We want to see the puppets. Please, Daddy, please!’
Holly was still pointing to the printed page and Gray felt the first squeeze of panic. The words on the pamphlet danced and jumbled before his eyes and his chest tightened as frustration and inadequacy—two foes he’d been fighting all his life—surfaced.
‘Why don’t you come along with us?’ he asked her then. ‘And bring your pamphlet.’
Her cheeks turned pink—a very pretty pink, a perfect foil for her dark eyes and her shiny dark hair. The blush surprised Gray. Perhaps she was shyer than he’d realised.
‘Yes, Holly, come with us,’ Anna was pleading and grabbing her hand. ‘Please, come. Please!’
Holly shook her head. ‘But this is your special time to be with your daddy.’
However, she didn’t need much convincing.
‘Would you like me to try for last minute tickets for the puppets?’ she said next and already she was pulling her cellphone from her pocket.
They were in luck. There were four tickets available for the last performance that afternoon and when they set off for Central Park Gray noticed that Holly’s shyness was quickly evaporating.
It was soon clear that she genuinely liked to spend time outdoors with his children. She laughed a lot and her eyes shone, and she looked somehow just right in slim blue jeans and a simple grey T-shirt, with her dark hair tied back in a ponytail and her face free of make-up.
He thought, uneasily, that his children were really going to miss Holly when it was time to leave. He couldn’t help noticing how totally relaxed they were with her. Affectionate, too. Josh was perfectly happy to hold her hand when they crossed the busy streets, and Anna, all excited after a super-fast slippery slide, exchanged ecstatic high fives with Holly. The gesture was so automatic and natural Gray knew they’d done this many times.
And Holly’s pamphlet proved to be a great asset. It showed where the really cool playgrounds were, like the Ancient Playground based on the Egyptian Temple of Dendor, with model pyramids for climbing. And after the children had climbed and run and explored the zoo and thrown Frisbees and eaten ice creams, they all headed off to the puppet theatre in an old Swedish cottage.
The show turned out to be lively and hilarious, full of drama and excitement and silly pranks that were impossible not to enjoy.
All the children in the audience were encouraged to call out advice and warnings, so they practically lifted the roof off the ancient cottage. So very different from the serious, respectful hush of the audiences at the ballets Chelsea had dragged him to.
At one point, Gray glanced over Anna and Josh’s heads and caught Holly watching him. Her dark eyes sparkled with amusement and he realised he’d been laughing out loud.
Strewth. When was the last time that had happened?
They emerged from the theatre in the late afternoon, and together they strolled through the park in the softening light of the late spring evening. The children skipped ahead, wide smiles on their faces as they imitated the Big Bad Wolf, playing hide-and-seek behind tree trunks.
His kids were okay. They were happy. And Gray discovered that he was completely and totally relaxed. He hadn’t realised how tense he’d been, but now, for the first time since he’d received the shocking news about Chelsea, he was conscious of having truly unwound.
‘You shouldn’t have to cook again tonight,’ he told Holly. ‘Why don’t we eat out? My shout.’
She laughed. ‘I was going to suggest grabbing a meal on the way home. We have a tradition of eating out at our favourite diner on Saturday nights.’
A tradition? Gray wondered uneasily if Anna and Josh would miss these traditions. Would they be willing to help him create new traditions? He couldn’t take them to a diner near his Outback home. The nearest café was a hundred kilometres from Jabiru Creek. Could a campfire on a riverbank be a reasonable substitute?
As they pushed through the swing doors of the diner on 81st Street they were greeted by laughter and happy chatter and the appetizing smells of frying bacon and coffee. The waiters recognised Holly and the children and welcomed them warmly.
Gray was introduced.
‘My dad from Australia,’ Josh said proudly.
They slipped into a booth with Gray and Anna on one side, Holly and Josh on the other. The waiter handed out menus.
Gray barely looked at his. ‘I’ll have a hamburger.’
Holly shot him a surprised glance. ‘What kind of hamburger? There are at least six varieties.’
He shrugged, cracked a careless smile. ‘I’ve worked up an appetite. Whatever’s the biggest.’
‘That would be the Mighty Mo,’ the waiter told him with a grin.
‘Thanks. Sounds perfect.’ Gray turned to his daughter. ‘What about you, princess? What would you like?’
He watched Anna study the menu, following down the lists with her finger.
‘A grilled American cheese sandwich,’ she decided.
‘And I wanna hot dog,’ said Josh.
‘I’d like a hot dog, please, Daddy,’ Holly reminded him.
‘I’d like a hot dog, please, Dad.’ His son sent him a cheeky grin.
‘You’re both excellent readers,’ Gray said.
His children smiled politely, as if they were thinking—Of course. It’s only a simple old menu.
He asked quickly, ‘What are you having, Holly? Let me guess. A Greek salad?’ This had always been Chelsea’s choice and, judging by Holly’s slim build, Gray assumed she was equally diet-conscious.
‘Actually,’ she replied with a raised-eyebrow smile, ‘I rather fancy nachos with cheese, guacamole and sour cream.’
It was hours later, close to midnight, when Holly woke to the sound of high-pitched screaming. Her heart pounded as she leapt out of bed. Anna was having another nightmare.
She hurried through the apartment, not bothering to turn on a light. She was so familiar with the route from her bedroom to the children’s room that she could easily dodge furniture and find her way in the dark.
But tonight, halfway down the hall, she ran into a solid object. Six feet three inches of near-naked male. Gray’s warm bare chest and arms. His shoulders, bulky and smooth. His sculpted, cow-wrangling muscles. And he was only wearing boxer shorts.
‘Gray.’ She was suddenly breathless and flushed and—
‘What’s the matter with Anna?’ he demanded, stepping past her.
Holly came rapidly to her senses. ‘She’s having a nightmare.’
As they hurried into the children’s room, she gave herself a mental slap. Okay, so having a close encounter with this man’s partly naked body was likely to send almost any female into a tizzy, but what had happened to her priorities? What about poor Anna?
In the children’s bedroom she switched on a lamp and the room was illuminated by a soft pink glow. Anna was huddled in a tight ball in the middle of her bed, sobbing, ‘Mommy! Mommy!’
Gray looked appalled and helpless, but Holly was sadly used to this scene. Kneeling on the bed, she drew the little girl into her arms. ‘There, there. It’s okay.’ She stroked Anna’s silky hair. ‘It’s okay, honey. You can wake up. You’re all right.’
She felt the mattress dip beneath an extra weight. Gray was sitting on the other side of the bed, his eyes fierce and filled with concern. Lifting a shaking hand, he touched his daughter’s tear-stained cheek.
‘Anna,’ he whispered. ‘Anna, baby.’
‘Daddy!’ The little girl lifted her head from Holly’s shoulder, then turned and hurled herself into her father’s arms. Within minutes her shuddering sobs calmed and she buried her face into his chest.
Holly couldn’t blame her. What little girl wouldn’t want to be held safe in those big, strong, manly arms?
Just the same, she couldn’t help feeling rejected. After weeks of comforting Anna during these middle of the night crises, Holly had suddenly become redundant.
She looked across to Josh’s bed. In the early weeks he’d been the first to jump up, trying to calm his sister. Lately, he’d been more inclined to lie quietly, wide awake, knowing that Holly would come, that Holly knew what to do and that the storm would eventually pass.
‘Hey there, champ,’ Holly whispered.
‘Hey,’ the boy returned softly and then he yawned.
‘You go back to sleep.’ She leaned over to drop a kiss on his warm, still baby-soft cheek. He really was the greatest little guy. She adored him.
Adored them both.
When she turned back to see how Anna was now, she found Gray watching her, and it was then, in the warmth of his gaze, that she remembered that he wasn’t the only adult in this room who was half undressed. She was in her thin cotton nightie—little more than a long, baggy T-shirt with a trail of dog’s paw-prints stamped across her chest.
She tried to shrug off the intimacy of this situation, of being here with Gray, both in their pyjamas, tending to his children in the middle of the night. But the intimacy seemed even greater now after their afternoon in the park and their shared meal. Almost as if the four of them were a little family.
Good grief, what am I thinking?
How could she betray Chelsea with such thoughts? Very soon she would be waving goodbye to this father and his kids. In the fall, she would embark on an exciting new career.
Enough already.
Determined to be sensible, Holly said softly, ‘I think Anna will be okay now.’
In the early weeks, she’d taken the little girl back to sleep in her bed, but lately she’d been weaning Anna out of that habit.
‘Perhaps she’d like a drink of water.’ Holly handed Gray a glass from the nightstand and watched as Anna took a few sips. ‘We can leave the lamp on for five minutes,’ she said.
‘Okay, princess?’ Gray gently eased his daughter back into bed.
Holly pulled up the covers and tucked her in. ‘Night, night.’
The little girl looked peaceful again, curled on her side, eyes closed, golden curls gleaming softly in the lamplight as she clutched her favourite fluffy koala.
Gray gave his daughter a kiss and his son a gentle shoulder thump.
‘‘Night, Dad.’
When Gray and Holly were safely down the hallway once more, Gray let out his breath with a whoosh.
‘My God,’ he said quietly. ‘That scared the living daylights out of me. I’d rather hear a crocodile growling at my elbow than my own daughter screaming.’
‘Anna’s screams are heart-rending,’ Holly agreed.
‘Has this been happening all along? Ever since Chelsea—?’
Holly nodded. ‘It was worse at first. She’s getting better. This is the first nightmare in a while.’
‘Maybe she’s had too much excitement for one day.’
‘Perhaps that’s it.’
Gray let out a heavy sigh. ‘I’m sure I’m not going to be able to get back to sleep.’ He ran stiff fingers through his thick dark hair. ‘It’s two o’clock in the afternoon where I come from. Would I disturb you too much if I made a cuppa?’
‘No, not at all. Go right ahead.’
‘If I make tea, would you like a cup?’
‘Tea?’ She laughed. ‘English tea?’
He shrugged. ‘English, American … I’m not fussy.’
‘I’m afraid I only have green tea or camomile.’
He pulled a face. ‘How about wine, then? I bought a couple of Australian reds in the duty-free.’
No, thank you.
Holly was sure she should get straight back to her room. Right now. She should not sit around in the middle of the night in her jammies having cosy chats and glasses of vino with her charges’ scarily handsome father.
‘I … I’d love a glass. I’ll … um … just grab a wrap.’
Okay, I’m a bird-brain, but I do have a good excuse, Holly consoled herself as she hurried away. Gray needed to talk about his children. He needed to debrief after the scare he’d had with Anna.
By the time she came back into the kitchen, safely covered by a tightly knotted kimono that ended well below her knees, Gray had, mercifully, pulled on jeans and a T-shirt and he was freeing the cork from a bottle.
CHAPTER FOUR
GRAY was extremely grateful that Holly was prepared to sit and have a drink with him at midnight.
His daughter’s screams had shocked him and, even though Anna had calmed quite quickly in his arms, the experience had left him feeling shaken. Anxious.
Now, more than ever, he was aware of his lack of skills. There was so much he didn’t know, didn’t understand about his children. He wouldn’t be able to read the experts’ books on psychology and grief and yet, very soon, Anna and Josh would be completely in his care.
Suddenly, his excitement over having them back in his life was mixed with terror. All his failures came back to haunt him—all the problems stemming from his childhood that had tainted his marriage.
Hell. How could he be a good single father? How could he be a role model for his kids? He’d let his parents down, let his wife down. Would he let his children down, too?
Worries chased each other, snapping like dogs at the heels of his thoughts as he and Holly sat on the corner sofas next to plate glass windows with views of the city.
They left the lamps turned low and the curtains open so they could see the black towers of the skyscrapers dotted with squares of lemon light. From below came the non-stop honk and roar of traffic. New York, the city that never sleeps.
It was a wonder anyone could ever sleep here with that constant racket, Gray thought wryly.
Holly was now wrapped in an elegant dressing gown of jade-green silk with a pattern of graceful white cranes. She sat with her bare feet tucked to one side, slim fingers curled around her glass of wine.
‘It’s a Margaret River red,’ he said. ‘Should be good. Cheers.’
She smiled faintly as she raised her glass. ‘Cheers.’
They sipped the wine and shared satisfied smiles. The wine was very good.
At first they talked about practical things, about the kinds of clothes the children would need immediately in Australia, and what could be boxed for posting. There were toys to be sorted, too—favourites to go with the children now, some to be sent to charities, others to be shipped.
‘How will Anna and Josh feel about leaving their friends behind?’ Gray asked.
‘Their school friends?’ Holly shrugged. ‘I don’t think that will be a problem. Little kids move on. Friends come and go.’ She smiled. ‘Don’t look so worried, Gray. Josh is cracking his neck to get to your ranch.’
Somewhat reassured, Gray had to ask the question that really bothered him. ‘About Anna’s nightmares—’
‘Yes?’
‘Do you know why she has them? Could it be because she was with Chelsea when it … when the aneurism … happened?’
‘There’s a good chance.’ Holly dropped her gaze to her glass. ‘Chelsea collapsed when she was in the middle of making Anna a peanut butter sandwich.’
It was almost too awful to imagine. Poor Anna. Poor
Chelsea. For a moment he couldn’t think past the horror of it. How helpless and terrified Anna must have felt and, quite possibly, even guilty.
He sighed heavily. ‘Does Josh have nightmares, too?’
Holly’s dark hair rippled as she shook her head. ‘I think Josh is naturally more resilient than Anna. But he rang for the ambulance, so he knows he did everything he could. I’m sure that’s helped him, even if it’s only at some subconscious level.’
It made sense, and the reminder of his son’s quick thinking caused a small glow of pride. But poor Anna shouldn’t feel guilty. ‘There must be so much I need to understand. Is there anything else you should warn me about?’
Frowning, Holly took another sip of wine before she answered. ‘I actually wish Josh showed more signs of grief. He’s been bottling it in and I’m sure a good cry would do him good.’
‘He probably thinks crying is for girls.’
‘Probably. My brothers would agree.’ Holly sighed. ‘He probably needs to be encouraged to talk about it.’
Gray grimaced. Talking about feelings? Sharing emotions with others? That was so not his scene. Weren’t women supposed to be so much better at it than guys? All his life, he’d been a man of action, not words.
Watching him, Holly said, ‘I guess you must be very busy running your ranch. I assume you’ve hired a nanny to help with the children.’
‘Ah …’ Gray drew a sharp breath. ‘So far, I’ve organised a team to look after the mustering, so that frees me up quite a bit. My plan was to wait till I saw Anna and Josh—and saw how they were. I thought I’d take them home, help them to settle in first, then look around for someone suitable.’
He set his empty glass on the coffee table. ‘There wouldn’t be any point in hiring a nanny they didn’t like.’
‘No. It will need to be the right person.’
Holly looked away quickly as if she didn’t want him to see her eyes, but Gray was sure he’d caught a glitter of tears and his throat tightened. He’d expected her to be anxious to be free of his kids, but was she upset at the thought of saying goodbye to them?
It was so difficult for a family to span two hemispheres. There was always someone who missed out.
She turned to him again, her eyes extra-wide. ‘So will Anna and Josh be involved when you choose their new nanny?’
‘They’ll be consulted.’ Gray thought this was only fair. ‘Do you have any advice?’ he added, trying to be diplomatic.
‘I … I’ll give it some thought.’ She shifted her position, uncurling her legs.
He couldn’t help watching. Her legs were long and shapely and her toenails were painted a deep sexy red. In her Oriental dressing gown, with her dark hair shining in the soft light, she made a charming picture. Like a painting.
Girl at Midnight.
He thought how perfect it would be—from his children’s point of view, of course—if Holly could continue on as their nanny. She understood them so well, far better than he did, and they clearly loved her. Added to that, she had teaching skills and, with her help, the transition to Australia would be almost painless.
It would never happen, of course. Holly had already told him she was about to start a new career in the US. Why would she give that up and go all the way to the Australian Outback?
She was a city girl. She was his ex-wife’s cousin, for crying out loud. She was educated and cultured, just as
Chelsea had been. If she hated his place the way Chelsea had, her attitude could rub off on his kids.
Gray realised that Holly was already on her feet.
‘Thanks for the wine,’ she said.
‘Would you like another glass?’
She shook her head. ‘I need to hit the sack. Tomorrow is another day and all that.’
Her voice was tight, so tight it almost cracked. Without another word, she set the wine glass on the kitchen bench and hurried away.
She was upset. Had she been able to tell what he was thinking?
In bed, Gray lay wide awake, his thoughts running amok, trailing through the events of the day, and inevitably through the dizzying highs and lows of his romance with Chelsea. He’d met his children’s mother while she was travelling in North Queensland with a touring American dance troupe, but he’d made so many mistakes … so many wrong turns …
He’d never seen a girl so delicate and fair, so perfectly beautiful in every way. He’d never looked into a woman’s eyes and fallen from a great height.
It had been a classic case of love at first sight, with all the usual symptoms—the thunderbolt to the heart, the obsession.
With the recklessness of youth, Gray had followed Chelsea back to America. In New York he’d courted her with the single-minded passion of a young man desperately in love. A hasty engagement, a wedding in Central Park and a blissful honeymoon in Paris.
Then back to Jabiru Creek Station. To the Outback.
Within the first month, Chelsea had realised her mistake. She’d loved Gray—about that there had never been any doubt—but in the Australian Outback his precious bride had wilted like a flower without water.
His throat ached now as he remembered the tears streaming down her face as she’d confronted him.
We’ve made a mistake, Gray, haven’t we? Don’t you think we should separate now, before this gets too complicated? You’re a good man. I should have been more honest. I didn’t want to hurt you.
Of course, he should have given in then. It was so easy now to look back and to see how foolish and blinded he’d been—how he’d kissed her tears and begged her shamelessly.
You must stay, Chelsea. Please, please give it a go.
It was only a few weeks later that she’d realised she was pregnant so, of course, she’d stayed.
‘You wake him up.’
‘No, you.’
Childish giggling penetrated Gray’s sleep. Damn. Was it morning already?
It had taken him hours to fall asleep and he felt absolutely stuffed, unable to move, like an elephant paralysed by a stun gun. Perhaps, if he lay very still, his children would creep away again and leave him to sleep.
Not a chance. Already small hands were poking and shaking him.
‘Dad! Dad!’
He groaned in a low protest.
‘Daddy!’ That was Anna’s voice, now suddenly panic-stricken.
His eyes snapped open, then he cringed from the bright daylight flooding the room. ‘Good morning,’ he groaned. ‘What time is it?’
‘It’s really late,’ Josh told him. ‘We had breakfast ages and ages ago.’
Gray struggled onto one elbow, yawned and rubbed a hand over sleep-bleary eyes.
‘Are you all right, Daddy?’ Anna still sounded worried.
‘Yeah, chicken. I’m fine.’ He yawned again. ‘Just sleepy. My body thinks it’s still in Australia.’
He swung his legs over the side of the bed and sat for a minute, elbows propped on his knees, holding his dazed head in his hands. Jet lag was taking its toll.
‘Holly said to tell you she’s made a fresh pot of coffee,’ Josh announced.
Bless Holly. Coffee was exactly what he needed. As soon as he’d had a shower.
Gray ruffled his kids’ hair. ‘So what have you two got planned for today?’
‘Packing!’ they chorused.
‘You’re kidding?’ How could they look so excited? ‘Don’t tell me packing’s fun?’
‘Sure, Dad. It’s great fun. Holly’s playing a new game with us. We’re putting all our toys in a magic rocket box, and it’s going to take off for Australia all by itself.’
‘Wow. How about that?’
Gray had to hand it to Holly. She sure had a way with his kids. Damn pity she wasn’t coming home with them.
As the hot water in the shower streamed over him, he reminded himself why he mustn’t put any pressure on Holly to help him out. She’d already gone above and beyond for his children, and now she had a life of her own to lead. Holly was a good sport and she would never let on that she was cracking her neck to be free of her commitments here. But he knew she must be keen to get on with her new career and to start dating again, find a new boyfriend.
He wouldn’t appeal to her good nature … couldn’t exploit her genuine affection for his kids by trying to talk her into coming with them. That would be nothing short of emotional blackmail.
Just the same, Gray wished he felt more confident in his ability to raise his kids.
Their education was his major worry.
For all kinds of reasons Gray’s own parents had totally stuffed up his schooling. Just thinking about his lack of education triggered unwelcome memories of his parents’ harsh and heated bickering. He found himself remembering his mother’s fits of crying and his father’s sulky, blustering anger and his innards twisted.
Truth to tell, his formal schooling had finished almost as soon as it started, around the same time as his parents’ divorce. However, it was only much later in his adult years that Gray had fully understood the handicap he carried. By then he’d developed a tough veneer and he’d managed to bluff his way through most challenges, never realising that his failings would come back to bite him, that he’d let his wife down.
And now he was in danger of letting his kids down …
No. There was no way he would allow Anna and Josh to grow up with the limitations he’d endured. But if he wanted to give them the very best chance, he needed help. He needed someone exactly like Holly.
If only she was free …
We’ve done well, Holly thought at the end of a full day of packing and, thanks to Gray’s involvement, it had been relatively painless. Gray’s sense of humour—a side of him she’d never really seen before—had saved a few awkward moments when decisions over toys might have ended in tears.
And then he’d surprised her further by cooking dinner.
‘Because you’ve been working so hard,’ he’d said with an endearingly shy smile that sent her stomach fluttering. ‘And only if you like spaghetti bolognese. I’m afraid there’s a limit to my kitchen skills.’
Spaghetti bolognese was absolutely fine, Holly assured him. Unfortunately, anything seemed fine when he sent her those smiles.
Except she didn’t want to be susceptible to his smiles, did she? She was simply grateful for the chai latte he’d brought her from the drugstore two and a half blocks away, as well as the chance to soak in the tub and change her clothes before dinner, and then enjoy a meal she hadn’t had to cook.
Over dinner, Anna and Josh talked about Australia. They were very excited to hear that Gray had an airstrip on his property and that his mail and supplies were delivered by aeroplane.
‘We’ll fly to Normanton,’ Gray explained, ‘and then we’ll drive home to Jabiru from there.’
We’ll drive home to Jabiru …
Holly pictured Gray and his children in a big SUV, skimming over wide red plains towards a distant homestead, and she was swamped by a wave of loneliness.
What was wrong with her? She’d known all along that this would happen. But she still couldn’t help feeling miserable. Everyone who was important in her life was being taken from her—Chelsea, Brandon, and now Anna and Josh.
I’ll start again and build a new life around my new job.
Right now, it was hard to feel happy about that.
Suddenly she realised Josh was asking his dad about their new school.
To Holly’s surprise, Gray’s ears reddened. He looked pained and cleared his throat. ‘The school in the Outback is a bit different from what you’re used to.’
‘How different?’
‘It’s called School of the Air.’
‘School of the Air?’ This time it was Holly who butted in. She couldn’t help it. Her interest was thoroughly piqued. ‘How does that work?’
Gray smiled crookedly. ‘It’s like a normal classroom, but the classes are held over the radio. There are children living in homesteads scattered all over the Outback and each homestead has a special transceiver. They send messages back and forth. The teacher can talk to all of the pupils and they can talk to each other.’ He shrugged. ‘It seems to work really well.’
‘School over the radio? Wow. That sounds totally awesome.’ Josh couldn’t have looked more excited if he’d been told there were pet baby dinosaurs at his new school.
‘It sounds amazing,’ Holly agreed, thoroughly intrigued. To her surprise, she felt quite jealous of the nanny who would mentor Anna and Josh as they came to grips with this unorthodox schoolroom.
She shot the children sparkling grins. ‘Aren’t you two lucky?’
Josh, twirling spaghetti onto his fork, nodded enthusiastically.
Anna, however, looked uncertain. She turned to Holly. ‘Will you still be our nanny?’
Holly held her breath, not trusting herself to answer this question without giving her feelings away.
To her relief, Gray answered for her. ‘Holly can’t come to Australia, Anna. You know that. But we’re going to find a nice Australian nanny.’
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