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Bachelor Father
Vicki Lewis Thompson
The Lost Springs Ranch for troubled boys is at stake, and it's a man's duty to give back……So there's going to be an auction!Bachelor #3Name: Zeke Lonetree, 31Occupation: Ranger, U.S. Park ServiceBiggest Achievement: Reintroducing wolves to Yellowstone National ParkNew York fashion editor Katherine Seymour thought a retreat in Yellowstone would be just the break she needed. But she hadn't planned on falling into a rushing river…or being saved by a sexy Ranger…or having his child nine months later! But when her boss wins her a date with Zeke Lonetree at the Lost Springs Bachelor Auction, she's forced to fess up…and introduce the man to his baby girl.


The Lost Springs Ranch for troubled boys is at stake, and it’s a man’s duty to give back…
…So there’s going to be an auction!
Bachelor #3
Name: Zeke Lonetree, 31
Occupation: Ranger, U.S. Park Service
Biggest Achievement: Reintroducing wolves to Yellowstone National Park.
New York fashion editor Katherine Seymour thought a retreat in Yellowstone would be just the break she needed. But she hadn’t planned on falling into a rushing river…or being saved by a sexy Ranger…or having his child nine months later! But when her boss wins her a date with Zeke Lonetree at the Lost Springs Bachelor Auction, she’s forced to fess up…and introduce the man to his baby girl.
Sugar Spinelli’s
Little Instruction Book
I don’t always go by the book myself, so I admire a woman who can color outside the lines when necessary. After I saw Zeke Lonetree in the auction brochure, I figured a dark and mysterious type like him was bound to put a dent the size of a Cadillac in somebody’s checkbook. I was looking forward to watching someone else plunk down a wad of cash for a change.
Then, to everyone’s surprise, Zeke was pulled out of line. The editor-in-chief of that trendy fashion magazine Cachet phoned her bid in from New York City, of all places, and took him right out from under our noses! I wish I’d thought to do that for Twyla. Ducky and I could have saved ourselves all that maneuvering. Oh, well, live and learn. As Roy says, once your neighbor strikes oil, it’s too late to buy his farm.
Dear Reader,
We just knew you wouldn’t want to miss the news event that has all of Wyoming abuzz! There’s a herd of eligible bachelors on their way to Lightning Creek—and they’re all for sale!
Cowboy, park ranger, rancher, P.I.—they all grew up at Lost Springs Ranch, and every one of these mavericks has his price, so long as the money’s going to help keep Lost Springs afloat.
The auction is about to begin! Young and old, every woman in the state wants in on the action, so pony up some cash and join the fun. The man of your dreams might just be up for grabs!
Marsha Zinberg
Editorial Coordinator, Heart of the West

Bachelor Father
Vicki Lewis Thompson


www.millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk)
Vicki Lewis Thompson is acknowledged
as the author of this work.


Author’s Note
Wyoming is rugged country indeed. And rugged country breeds rugged men—my favorite kind. Imagine a whole passel of these drop-dead-gorgeous guys being auctioned off to the highest bidder, and you have the Heart of the West series! I couldn’t sign up for this project fast enough.
From the beginning, I had my eye on park ranger Zeke Lonetree, and lo and behold, I got him! Er, I mean Katherine Seymour got him. Yeah, that’s it. Certainly I am not the one who spent days and nights in a secluded cabin with this bronze-skinned, beautifully muscled, tenderhearted love god with ebony eyes that look straight into your heart and make you want to scream Yes, take me! In this deal, Katherine gets to do the honors. I understand the rules. I’m the writer; she’s the heroine. That lucky ducky.
Because I’m the writer, I have to abide by the rules. But you don’t. If you want to slip into Katherine’s spot, be my guest. And have fun. You lucky ducky.
Happy fantasizing,
Vicki Lewis Thompson
For Marsha Zinberg—editor, friend and classy dresser
Contents
PROLOGUE (#u57b6dfe4-da5c-5c68-9667-235cef3ebd34)
CHAPTER ONE (#u572f4248-eccb-54a1-8cd4-495e826d4658)
CHAPTER TWO (#ub381a9d5-31e1-511b-aaa8-643dee679276)
CHAPTER THREE (#uc94b9817-b157-5c0e-bd64-f4f688aa416f)
CHAPTER FOUR (#u949272c7-93ed-5393-a3f0-8d609588398d)
CHAPTER FIVE (#u293e5531-a9ff-5559-a77f-dff958f5a407)
CHAPTER SIX (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER SEVEN (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER EIGHT (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER NINE (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER TEN (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER ELEVEN (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER TWELVE (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER THIRTEEN (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER FOURTEEN (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER FIFTEEN (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER SIXTEEN (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER NINETEEN (#litres_trial_promo)
EPILOGUE (#litres_trial_promo)
PROLOGUE
I’M GOING TO DIE. The rapids pulled her under again. Through the churning bubbles Katherine saw a tree root. She grabbed at it, but fists of water punched her away. Fighting to the surface, she gulped in more water than air. Then the current took over again and slammed her against a submerged rock. She ignored the pain and tried to get a grip on the mossy, slippery surface.
No luck. The water closed over her head. Air. She needed air. But she was so tired. So very...no, damn it! Flailing her arms, she broke the surface again and choked as she tried to breathe.
“Here!”
Rescue! The possibility ran through her like an electric charge. Nearly blinded by the water pouring from her hair into her eyes, she struggled to turn in the direction of the voice. There...just ahead...a branch being held over the tumbling water!
“Grab it!” yelled the man.
She had one chance at this, she thought. One chance at life. As the river swept her toward the branch, she offered up a quick prayer and reached for the branch with both scraped hands. Contact!
But the river wouldn’t let go. It tugged and pulled, trying to work her loose from her salvation.
“Wrap your arms around it! I’ll bring you in!”
Following his orders took faith. She had to loosen her handhold to wrap her arms around the branch, and she was sure she’d be swept downstream in the process of getting a better grip.
But she wasn’t. Inch by painful inch he worked her toward shore, until at last he could touch her hand. Once his fingers circled her wrist, she knew he’d saved her. Dizzy with gratitude, Katherine glanced up at the man who had just become the most important person in her life.
* * *
HE COULD HAVE MISSED HER, Zeke thought with a shiver. Headed back to camp with the string of trout he planned to cook for dinner, he could just as easily have cut through the trees instead of following the river. But an uneasy feeling he’d learned not to ignore had made him skirt the banks and check the rapids.
She’d scared the hell out of him. Adrenaline pumped through his system after he hauled her out of the water and she flopped facedown on a bed of wild grass.
He crouched beside her, his heart racing. “Was anyone with you?”
She gasped a few times. “No.”
He swore. Although he didn’t have to worry about looking for a drowning victim downstream, he wanted to shake this idiotic woman for traipsing around in the wilderness by herself. She’d almost paid the ultimate price.
But he’d saved her, and now he had to deal with the consequences of that. He’d deliberately left his cell phone at the ranger station, figuring he was off duty. Dusk was nearly upon them.
He leaned close to her. “Do you have a camp nearby?”
“No.” Her breathing was steadier, but she didn’t move from where she’d landed. “Lost my pack...in the water.”
Zeke recognized a New York accent. Lord deliver him from greenhorns who thought Yellowstone was a slightly more rugged version of Disneyland. He sighed. “Then I guess you’ll be spending the night with me.”
CHAPTER ONE
Nine months later
WHAT A CIRCUS. From the porch of the main house, Zeke surveyed the crowded grounds of the Lost Springs Ranch for Boys. In all the years he’d spent as a kid on this ranch, he’d never seen the place so packed with people. But that was the idea—to get folks involved in this bachelor auction Rex Trowbridge, an alumnus who was now on the board of directors, had cooked up to raise money for the ranch.
Zeke longed to stay where he was, comforted by the familiar feel of the porch rail under his hand. But he had maybe five minutes before he had to walk out to the arena and climb up on the auction block where a gang of ranch alumni were gathering. The aroma of barbecued ribs filled the air, and fiddle music rose above the buzz from the crowd. Even CNN had shown up to film the action, so it looked like Rex would get the corporate sponsors the ranch needed to survive.
And Zeke wanted the ranch to survive. Lost Springs was his safe place, the haven his mind returned to whenever he felt rootless and alone. His thumb on the porch rail brushed over a small, crude carving of a lone pine. When he was ten he’d used his pocketknife to cut his mark into the wood, fully expecting to get in trouble for it. But he’d wanted to put his stamp on the place so that years later he could come back and find proof that Zeke Lonetree had been here.
He hadn’t been punished for carving the tree into the rail. Every time he’d returned to the ranch he’d checked that nobody had sanded it down—to reassure himself that some things in life stayed the same. The thought of Lost Springs closing was more horrible than the thought of taking part in this bachelor auction, so he’d agreed to be here. But Rex had no idea how much it was costing Zeke. Walking up on that platform would be like slicing off a chunk of his soul and offering it to the buzzards.
A piercing whistle sounded above the hubbub, followed by shouted comments directed at Zeke from the auction block.
“Yo, Lonetree!” called Shane Daniels, one of the alumni who’d become a champion bull rider and a close friend. “We ain’t got all day, son.”
“Yeah, get your Native American butt out here!” yelled Chance Cartwright, who’d made good as a horse breeder and trainer. “All these women saw Last of the Mohicans and they want you bad.”
Zeke groaned and wished he could treat this auction the way Shane and Chance did, as a big joke to be enjoyed. But both of them were used to being in crowds and rubbing elbows with the rich and famous. In fact, most of the guys on the block had high-profile, public positions, while Zeke’s park ranger job in Yellowstone allowed him to spend most of his time the way he preferred—alone in the wilderness.
“Move it, Lonetree.” Amos Pike, a toy manufacturer, motioned Zeke over to the platform.
Zeke took a deep breath and reminded himself why he was doing this. A phone rang inside the ranch house, but unfortunately it wasn’t Zeke’s job to answer it. He couldn’t put off the inevitable any longer. Shane had given him a new Stetson for luck. With a sigh he tugged it low over his eyes and started down the porch steps.
“Zeke?”
He turned.
Rex, the guy responsible for his current misery, pushed open the screen door. He had a cordless phone in one hand with his thumb over the mouthpiece. “Come on in for a second,” Rex said.
Zeke was delighted for any delay, but still he gestured halfheartedly toward the arena. “The guys want to get started.”
“I know. We will in a minute. But it looks like you’re being pulled from the lineup.”
Hope lightened the heaviness in Zeke’s chest as he followed Rex into the cool interior of the ranch house. “Pulled?”
“Yeah. Let me finish my discussion with this lady, and then you can talk to her.”
Zeke listened to Rex’s end of the conversation and figured out that someone was making a large donation in order to take Zeke off the block. He didn’t understand what was going on or why, but he wasn’t about to complain. He might still be obligated to a woman for a date of some kind, but at least he’d be spared the agony of walking the runway. He’d take it.
“Okay,” Rex said to the person on the other end of the line. “That sounds great. I’ll let you work out those details with him. And thanks again for your generosity, Ms. Rutledge. You’ll be helping many young boys get a better start in life. Here’s Zeke.” Rex handed over the phone. “Way to go, stud,” he murmured.
Zeke frowned in confusion as he took the phone and covered the mouthpiece. “I have no idea what this is about, Rex.”
“Well, when you do, I hope you’ll fill me in. My curiosity’s killing me. Listen, even if you’re out of the auction, how about hanging around, anyway? Some of the kids were hoping you’d give them an update on the wolves in the park.”
“Sure.” Still feeling bewildered, Zeke held the phone to his ear. “This is Zeke Lonetree.”
“Ah, Mr. Lonetree. I’m Naomi Rutledge, editor in chief of Cachet.”
Cachet. He’d heard that name somewhere, but he couldn’t quite place it.
“The fashion magazine.” She tossed her explanation into the silence as if she couldn’t believe his ignorance.
“Oh.” Oh. Katherine’s magazine. A wave of dread washed over him. He hoped she wasn’t tied into this bachelor-auction business in some way. He never wanted to see her again.
“Listen, I’ll get right to the point. I believe you are acquainted with my senior fashion editor, Katherine Seymour.”
Zeke closed his eyes. Surely it wasn’t heartache he was feeling. He’d wiped that episode out of his memory months ago.
“Mr. Lonetree?” she prompted. “Does the name Katherine Seymour mean anything to you?”
He opened his eyes and cleared his throat. “We’ve met.”
“Yes. So I understand. Well, she has some...personal business to discuss with you, so I would like—”
“Put her on. I’m sure we can handle it over the phone.” Panic rose in Zeke’s chest as he tried to fend off what he feared was coming.
“I’m afraid that’s not possible. She’s...unavailable.”
“Is she okay?” The nature of Zeke’s fear changed. He didn’t want to get within two thousand miles of Katherine, but he didn’t want anything bad to happen to her, either.
“She’s fine. But she needs to see you, so I’ve arranged for her to fly out to Jackson Hole the last weekend in August. I presume that would be convenient to your place of employment.”
“You can fly her anywhere you want, but I have no intention of—”
“The man I just spoke with assured me that you’d honor the terms of the bachelor auction and meet her there.”
“You bought me for her?” Having a woman win him at an auction was bad enough. Having a woman procure him for someone else was ten times worse.
“I did nothing of the sort! Cachet is donating a generous sum to the Lost Springs Ranch for Boys, and in exchange I want you to meet Katherine in August and talk with her. It’s a business arrangement. I’ll even cover her expenses. Agreed?”
“Why are you doing this?”
“I’m not at liberty to discuss the reason. You need to take it up with Katherine when you see her. I’ll mail you the particulars.”
“Look, Ms. Rutledge, this is a complete waste of time for everyone. Katherine and I have nothing to—”
“I assure you, my donation to the ranch is very generous. I’m certain you wouldn’t want to jeopardize that.”
Zeke felt the trap closing around him, and he had no one to blame but himself. He’d acted totally out of character by making love to Katherine the night he’d saved her from the river. Then he’d made the further mistake of thinking the encounter had meant something to her. Months of her silence had convinced him otherwise. Now he was being summoned like some menial servant without being given any explanation. He longed to hang up on this bossy woman with the New York accent that reminded him of Katherine’s.
But she’d practically said she’d withdraw her donation if he didn’t go along with this ridiculous arrangement. He’d agreed to this damn auction to help the ranch, and now was his big chance.
“Do we have a deal, Mr. Lonetree?” she asked.
“We have a deal, Ms. Rutledge.”
* * *
KATHERINE TOUCHED A FINGER to Amanda’s cheek and guided the rosebud mouth to her nipple. As the baby nursed, Katherine stared at her in wonder. She couldn’t believe that Amanda was nestled in her arms. So many times during the pregnancy she’d thought she would lose her. But Amanda had clung stubbornly to her chance at life, and Katherine had never known such joy as she felt now, holding her child.
“What a lovely picture you two make.” Naomi smiled gently as she walked into the hospital room dressed in her usual color scheme of black-and-white, her silver hair perfectly coiffed, her makeup flawless.
Katherine returned her smile. “Can you believe she’s really here?”
“Not quite.” Naomi walked over to the bed and leaned down to stroke Amanda’s tiny head. “I didn’t dare count on this, not with the problems you had carrying her.” She finger-combed the baby’s abundant jet-black hair. “I don’t think this is going to turn blond.”
“Probably not.” Just her luck her baby’s hair would forever remind her of that lusty night in the forest with Zeke Lonetree.
“She’s beautiful, Katherine. I’m so sorry your parents didn’t live to see her.”
“Me, too.” Her throat tightened, but as she watched Naomi tenderly smoothing Amanda’s hair, she gave thanks that at least she had Naomi. “I guess this makes you a god-grandmother.”
Naomi looked up, her eyes moist. “So it does.” She cleared her throat and returned her attention to Amanda. “Although god-grandmother is a mouthful for a little kid. Maybe...she could just call me grandma.”
Katherine’s heart squeezed. “Of course she could.”
Naomi gave the baby’s hair one last stroke before turning to find a chair, which she pulled over to the bed. “And now that we’ve made it to this point, you and I have a few things to discuss.”
“I plan on getting right back to work. If you have no objection, I’ll bring Amanda to the office and set up a bassinet for her. I’m sure I—”
“I’m sure you can, too.” Naomi laid her manicured hand on Katherine’s arm. “But that’s not what I want to discuss. I’m thinking of making some staff changes.”
Katherine’s breathing quickened. She was being demoted. Naomi might have seen her through this problem pregnancy with loving care, but she was the founder of Cachet, and she hadn’t built the magazine into the industry giant it was by being soft. She’d decided to give Katherine’s job to someone else because she didn’t believe a new mother could handle the demands of being a senior editor.
Worst of all, Katherine dared not question the decision. When her parents died, Naomi had been her salvation, giving her a job at Cachet right out of college and promoting her regularly until she finally gained senior editor status. Katherine knew she hadn’t worked up to capacity during the final months of her pregnancy, but Naomi hadn’t ever complained. Under the circumstances, Katherine didn’t feel she could beg for more consideration.
Feeling like a doomed prisoner, she gathered the courage to look directly into Naomi’s eyes and take the bullet like a woman. “What sort of changes?”
“I want to train you to take over for me.”
Katherine sighed with relief. She would work like a demon to justify Naomi’s continued faith in her. “So you’re going on vacation?”
“No, I want you to take over permanently.”
Katherine’s gasp dislodged Amanda’s mouth. The baby’s reedy cry of protest brought her attention back to the task and gave Katherine a moment to recover herself as she resettled Amanda at her breast. But her heart was still pounding when she finally glanced back at Naomi. “I...don’t know what to say. I never in the world expected...” She stopped, at a total loss. Editor in chief. She couldn’t comprehend it.
Naomi chuckled. “I can’t go on forever, you know.”
Katherine felt as if someone had just hit her over the head with the NYC phone book. “I guess I thought you would.”
“And die in harness? Not this lady. Or worse yet, I could start losing my edge and have a staff who’s afraid to tell me. No, I want to slip out of the top spot gracefully and leave someone I trust in charge.”
“But what about Sylvia? Or Denise, or—”
“Darling.” Naomi squeezed her arm. “You’ve been my choice ever since you were born.”
“I have?” Katherine took a moment to digest that startling information. “No wonder you were so excited when I decided to work on the high school newspaper.”
“It was all the encouragement I needed. Of course, I would have backed off if you’d chosen one of those other careers you talked about. I remember once you wanted to be an actress, and then there was your doctor-nurse period. And what was it you wanted to be when you were ten? A wilderness guide?”
Katherine smiled. “Yeah. Then I thought about all the bears I’d meet.”
“Well, you made the right choice, both for you and for me. You’ve turned out to be a damned good writer and a highly competent businesswoman.”
“Who got herself knocked up!” No matter how happy Katherine was about having Amanda, she was still embarrassed that she’d stumbled into motherhood by accident.
“Stress counteracted your birth-control pills,” Naomi said briskly. “You couldn’t have anticipated that.” She gazed at mother and baby. “And don’t tell me you’re sorry, because I know you’re not.”
“No.” Katherine dropped a kiss on the top of Amanda’s head. “I’m not.”
“So, are you up for some new responsibilities?”
The shock of Naomi’s offer had lessened and now Katherine began to fully realize the scope of it—the confidence and the love that it implied. Her eyes filled. “You know I am.”
Naomi blinked and looked away. “Good. Very good.” She cleared her throat and glanced back at Katherine. “We only have one pesky detail to take care of.”
A catch. Katherine wondered if she’d been premature in her gratitude. “What’s that?”
“Amanda’s father.”
Katherine swallowed. It wasn’t a comfortable subject. Many times during the past few months she’d wished she could claim immaculate conception. After promising Zeke that birth control wasn’t a problem, she dreaded telling him she’d been wrong. She’d rationalized postponing the call because she’d seen no reason to involve him if she ultimately lost the baby.
“You have to tell him,” Naomi said.
“I know.”
“He might just relinquish all rights to her.”
“Maybe.” Funny how little she knew about the man who had given her life twice, first by saving her from drowning and second by fathering Amanda. He was possibly the most gentle man she’d ever known, yet beneath that gentleness burned a fierce passion. Her heart still raced whenever she allowed herself to remember their moment of joining, when she’d felt somehow claimed.
The next morning, though, he’d been much more cautious and withdrawn. Plagued by her own insecurities, she’d suggested that maybe she ought to get back. Instead of trying to change her mind as some men might, he’d sealed himself off completely, which had convinced her there was no hope for a relationship.
“Do you feel anything for him?” Naomi asked.
Katherine looked up to find the older woman watching her closely. It was an important question. If she still had an emotional connection to Zeke, one that could potentially lead to a relationship, then she had no business letting Naomi train her as a replacement. She might not know a lot of things about Zeke, but she was absolutely sure of one thing—he would never live in New York. During their night together he’d made clear his love of the wilderness and his aversion to cities and crowds.
“I feel gratitude.” Katherine glanced at the clock on the bedside table and decided it was time to switch Amanda to her other breast. She still felt a little clumsy handling the baby, but once she settled her in again, the tug of her small mouth felt perfect and right. “After all,” she continued, “Zeke saved my life, and he inadvertently gave me Amanda.”
“I’m not talking about gratitude.”
Katherine tried to be objective about her emotions regarding Zeke, but it wasn’t easy. That night was like a blazing comet in her life, but her reaction to him had probably been born of many factors. She’d recently been dumped by Ken, she’d just been saved from drowning, and she’d never been stranded in the wilds with a man, especially a man as virile as Zeke. Maybe the fact that he was part Sioux had tickled her romantic fantasy. And maybe it was that look he gave her across the campfire, a look that promised so much pleasure...
“Katherine?”
She blinked and glanced at Naomi. Heat rushed to her cheeks. “Okay, he’s very attractive, and I have some hot memories that are tripping me up a little. But he’s apparently a real loner who wants nothing but wilderness surrounding him, while all I want is to work at Cachet.”
“But what about your vacation last year? You didn’t choose the Hyatt on Maui, don’t forget. You opted for your personal little Outward Bound in Yellowstone. Maybe that yearning to be a wilderness guide isn’t completely gone. Maybe you have a hankering for the great outdoors yourself.”
Katherine smiled, more sure of herself now. “What I have a hankering for is a crisp set of galleys, a hot cup of espresso and a bagel slathered with cream cheese.”
Naomi beamed in approval. “Good girl. Although you’ll have to go easy on the caffeine as long as you’re breastfeeding.”
“Decaf espresso, then.” She noticed that Amanda had drifted off to sleep, her tiny hands curled into fists. “New York is what I know and love, and I’ve found my dream job. What could be better?”
“I can’t imagine. So it’s time to tidy up the situation with this man and get on with business. If he wants to surrender his parental rights, we’re home free. If he wants partial custody, which I doubt, I’m sure you can work that out with him.”
She made it sound so easy, Katherine thought. Something told her it wouldn’t be quite that simple, but she tried to look confident as she nodded in agreement. “Right.”
“Great. I’ve set it up so you can do exactly that.”
Katherine stared at her. “Set what up?”
“He was part of a bachelor auction out in Wyoming, a benefit for a boys’ ranch. I donated a chunk of money to the ranch in exchange for you spending a weekend with him in Jackson Hole at the end of August. You can tell him about Amanda then. She’ll be two months old and should travel just fine.”
“Naomi!” Katherine jerked, causing Amanda to startle awake.
“Or were you planning to tell him over the phone?”
“I—” Katherine paused to catch her breath and gently rock Amanda back to sleep. She should have expected something like this from Naomi. The woman had invented the term take charge. “I hadn’t thought how I’d tell him, but...” She gazed at Naomi, still having trouble comprehending what her godmother had done. “You bought him for the weekend?”
Naomi waved a dismissive hand. “That’s overdramatizing the whole thing. It’s a business arrangement. I gave money to the ranch in exchange for helping my chief assistant tidy up her personal life.”
“I can’t imagine Zeke putting himself up for auction, let alone agreeing to spend the weekend with me simply because you paid the going price.”
“I won’t pretend that he was eager to comply. He tried to talk me out of it, said that the two of you had nothing to discuss. But when he realized that my sizable donation to the ranch depended on his cooperation, he gave in.”
Katherine’s chest grew heavy with despair. She’d been right about Zeke. He might have surrendered himself to a night of lovemaking, but he didn’t want complications in his solitary life. Unfortunately, she was about to bring him a very large one.
“I still can’t believe he was willing to take part in a bachelor auction in the first place,” she said. “I’ve never met a more private man.”
“He’s an alumnus of the place. All the bachelors were. Quite an interesting story, really. They must have blanketed the media with invitations. Ours came quite a while ago.”
“And you didn’t tell me?” So Zeke had been raised on a boys’ ranch. She hadn’t known that. It made his lone-wolf image even more vivid.
Naomi regarded her with the same calm assurance that had kept her staff in awe of her for two decades. “You’ve been on an emotional roller coaster for months. Any mention of Zeke seemed to be stressful for you, and I was so afraid you’d miscarry that I decided not to bring this up. But it’s worked out for the best. Going to Wyoming with Amanda is the right thing to do. You can clear the decks and then come home and settle into your new position.”
“But Zeke doesn’t want to see me. You said so yourself.”
“He needs to see Amanda. You owe him that much, Katherine.”
She gazed down at her sleeping child. Zeke’s child. Naomi was right, but the thought of meeting Zeke again under these circumstances scared her to death.
“Your courage is one of the qualities that made me decide to turn over the magazine to you in the first place,” Naomi said. “I’m not giving you anything you can’t handle. You can do this.”
Katherine lifted her head and looked into Naomi’s eyes. “Yes, I can.”
CHAPTER TWO
AUGUST TURNED OUT TO BE a wet month in the Tetons, and more rain looked likely as Zeke climbed into his battered king-cab pickup and headed for Jackson Lake Lodge on Friday afternoon. He spent the drive time singing “Ninety-nine Bottles of Beer on the Wall,” because it reminded him of cookouts at Lost Springs and why he was putting himself through this. Cachet’s donation would go a long way toward remodelling bunkhouses that no longer met the fire code, and Rex had already lined up a contractor for the renovation.
Naomi Rutledge had made it clear, however, that her check wouldn’t be issued until after this weekend.
Zeke had never pretended to understand the thinking process of people who lived back East, but the whole deal was weird, even for New Yorkers. Painful though it had been, Zeke had combed through every moment of the night he’d spent with Katherine, searching for a clue as to what this could be about.
From the beginning, he’d tried to control his growing sexual awareness of her, which had been tough as their conversation grew more personal. He found out she’d broken up with her boyfriend, and to get her head on straight she’d decided to spend some time alone in the wilderness. She’d admitted that notion had been naive and overly dramatic.
Plucky, honest women appealed to him, and this one seemed to be available. Eventually his desire felt natural and right, something to be seriously considered even though they’d just met. But while he was debating the issue, she’d made the first move. It had only been a light touch on his arm, yet he’d felt his world shift. Then he’d turned to look into her hazel eyes. That moment when he knew that she wanted him as ferociously as he wanted her would be with him forever. A moment like that could make a man feel like a god.
This moment, however, when he was about to confront her after nearly a year of silence, when he’d been summoned to this meeting by her boss and kept in the dark about the reason, made him feel like a toadstool.
He sang another chorus of the drinking song as he pulled his beat-up truck in among the out-of-state cars and tour buses parked at Jackson Lake Lodge. But he didn’t have the nerve to keep singing as he walked into the lounge where they were supposed to meet, so the jitters he’d postponed with the song struck with a vengeance. He’d always loved this high-ceilinged room with tall windows facing Jackson Lake and the jagged Tetons beyond. He hoped this meeting wouldn’t ruin the place for him.
Heart pounding, he scanned the room. He didn’t see her. Damn it, after all this, maybe she’d stood him up. Of course, that would be a good thing. He didn’t want to see her, anyway. Except that he’d gotten himself all worked up about the prospect, and at least if he saw her, he’d find out the answer to the mystery.
“Zeke?”
He wouldn’t have bet that he’d recognize Katherine’s voice, but he didn’t have to turn around to know she’d spoken his name. A flood of desire took him completely by surprise as his body replayed the sensation of being deep inside her. He turned to face her slowly, giving him time to regain his cool. He knew she wouldn’t be wearing rumpled khakis this time, and he prepared himself for her city look.
But as he gazed at her, his brain stalled. When he finally admitted what he was seeing, his knees almost gave way.
She looked more polished than she had a year ago, but he barely noticed as his attention fastened on the canvas carrier snuggled intimately against her chest. She supported the weight of the carrier with one arm. With her free hand she cradled the head of a baby. A baby with very black hair.
While his mind shouted denials, his gut reacted with a primitive tug of certainty. His. He relived the dizzy ecstasy of being inside Katherine, of her warmth and a connection unlike any he’d known. When he’d finally poured himself into her, he’d experienced a sense of purpose he’d never felt with any woman. Maybe he’d known then, no matter what she’d said about birth-control pills. Maybe he’d known all along that this could be the only logical explanation for their meeting today.
“Her...her name is Amanda.” Katherine sounded out of breath. “Zeke, I didn’t mean for this to happen. Apparently the stress of nearly drowning short-circuited my system.”
A girl. He noticed the baby’s terry outfit was pink. He began to shake. A baby girl. Somehow knowing that she was a girl terrified him even more. She was asleep, her dark lashes creating a fringe above each cheek. She pursed her tiny mouth, then relaxed it again. Petrified though he was of this little bundle, he couldn’t seem to look away.
“I didn’t want to tell you over the phone. I realize this comes as something of a surprise.” She paused. “Zeke, I wish you would say something.”
With great effort he lifted his gaze and looked at Katherine. A frown creased her high forehead. How he’d enjoyed touching the smooth planes of her face as they’d lain side by side in his small tent, his battery lantern on low so he could see her while they made love. Her golden eyes had reminded him of a mountain streambed, the kind that he could stare into for hours. He might have even told her that. He knew he’d said things to her that he’d never said to anyone before, risked more than he’d meant to risk.
Her eyes brought him no joy today. All he could see was a woman who’d taken the best he had to give, then acted as if she could hardly wait to get away from him the next morning. Admittedly he wasn’t good at expressing his feelings, but that morning he’d been trying to think how he could tell her what the night had meant to him. Before he had it figured out, she’d announced she’d better leave. He’d been half expecting her rejection. In his experience, caring too much almost guaranteed being discarded like an empty fast-food sack.
And now obligation was all that had brought her here to let him know they had a baby. He wanted to call Amanda an accident, but he knew she wasn’t. At the time she was conceived, he thought he’d found his mate. That belief alone might have cancelled Katherine’s birth-control pills. He’d seen people will their own death, so maybe you could will life into existence, too. Maybe he’d unconsciously done that.
He cleared his throat. “I think we should find a more private spot to talk about this.”
“You’re right, we probably should. But just let me say this. I’m not here to ask for anything—not child support or even for you to give Amanda your name. I take full responsibility for this baby. I understand how you want to live your life, and a child doesn’t fit in very well. Now that you’ve seen her, if you’d like to relinquish all rights and never see either of us again, that’s fine.”
He stared at her, hurt tearing at his insides. She knew nothing about the way he wanted to live his life, but she’d use his loner status to justify closing him away from the baby because that suited her best. Anger and self-protection followed close on the heels of his pain as he threw up the walls that had sheltered his bruised heart all his life. He kept his voice low. “Is that what you came for? To have me sign off on this kid?”
“No!”
The baby’s eyes opened and she started to whimper.
Katherine rocked her gently. “I mean, yes, if that’s what you want, but if—”
“You could have hired a lawyer to put that in a letter and saved us both a lot of time.” He took satisfaction from the distress in her eyes.
“I thought you deserved to see her.”
“How considerate.” He lowered his voice even more, conscious of others in the lounge starting to listen in. “You haven’t seen fit to contact me in all these months, not even when you knew you were pregnant. Now you drop out of the sky, present this baby and suggest I give up my rights. That’s a great idea, but I don’t need three days in a plush lodge to work that out with you. Mail me the papers.” He brushed past her and walked out of the lounge, refusing to allow the baby’s wail to penetrate the thickness of the wall around him.
* * *
KATHERINE STOOD in the middle of the lounge in a state of shock, automatically comforting Amanda while she tried to assimilate what had taken place. Unless she’d misunderstood, Zeke had just agreed to the very thing that Naomi wanted, and for all intents and purposes, the visit had already accomplished its goal. She should feel jubilant, ready to celebrate before catching a flight back to New York.
Instead she wanted to cry. This was wrong, all wrong. Back in New York, she’d thought such a plan would be best for everyone, but after seeing Zeke again, she knew she didn’t want him to sign some papers and disappear from Amanda’s life.
When she’d walked into the lounge and caught sight of him there, his broad back to her, she’d felt an unexpected rush of delight. And awe. She’d forgotten just how big a man he was. His silky black hair seemed a little longer—it touched his collar in back now. But his stance was disturbingly familiar, and the faded jeans and blue flannel shirt could have been the same ones he’d worn that night. She suspected he had lots of similar clothes.
And he certainly fit the surrounding country with his massive frame and bronzed good looks. The rugged Tetons outside the window provided the perfect backdrop for a man in flannel and denim.
In spite of the anxiety she’d felt at presenting Amanda to him, she’d looked forward to the moment he would turn around, the moment she would once again be able to admire his warrior’s face with those intense dark eyes. Until now she hadn’t acknowledged to herself how much she’d missed him.
And now he was gone.
But maybe she could still catch him.
Grabbing up the diaper bag she’d set down, she clutched Amanda tight and hurried out of the lodge. She made it into the parking lot just as Zeke started to climb into an old gray truck. Calling his name, she started toward him as a light rain began falling.
He turned, but there was no charity in his glance. The forbidding look in his dark eyes almost made her give up and go back inside, but Amanda’s warm weight against her body was all the motivation she needed.
“Please don’t leave.”
His expression was totally closed. “It’s raining. Take her back inside.”
“Come inside with me. We’ll get some coffee. We’ll talk.” She was begging, but she didn’t care. “I don’t want you to leave like this. Surely you’ll want to see her once in a while, and we need to—”
“Why?”
“Because she’s your daughter!”
His laugh was harsh. “You say that as if it makes a difference. I happen to know being somebody’s biological kid doesn’t mean a thing.”
So he’d been abandoned by his parents, she thought. He hadn’t admitted that when they’d talked about neither of them having any family left. She took a deep breath. “You’re right, it doesn’t mean a thing to some people. I had you pegged differently.”
His eyes hardened even more. “Up until ten minutes ago I didn’t even know this baby existed. I wish you’d done us both a favor and kept it that way, but since you haven’t, I’m going to leave here and pretend I never laid eyes on her.”
“Zeke, please don’t.”
“It’s the best thing all around. Now take her back in. It’s raining harder.” He climbed into his truck, started the engine and backed out of the parking space.
Katherine bowed her head over Amanda to shelter her from the rain and to hide the tears that threatened to fall. Naomi would be thrilled, she told herself, sniffing. A clean break. No strings. Lots of little girls grew up without fathers.
Amanda gurgled and waved her hand, bumping her fist against Katherine’s damp cheek.
“Forgive me, sweetheart,” Katherine murmured, not sure who she wanted to forgive her—Amanda or Zeke.
* * *
ZEKE STARTED OUT OF the parking lot, determined to get the hell away from the lodge as quickly as possible. But he made the mistake of looking in the rearview mirror.
Katherine stood there getting wet, her head bowed over the baby. They looked so hopelessly vulnerable, so in need of protection. Katherine was brave, but she had a reckless streak, too. That’s what had nearly gotten her killed on her solo trek through Yellowstone. He remembered the stab of fear he’d felt when Naomi had called and he’d been afraid something had happened to Katherine.
Well, something had, and he’d been partly to blame for it. Would she do something foolish now just because he’d refused to talk about this baby business? He’d thought he was giving her exactly what she wanted by refusing to have anything to do with the kid, but his response seemed to have devastated her. Would he get some terrible message from Naomi Rutledge concerning Katherine and the baby’s welfare?
With a muttered oath he slammed on his brakes. Slowly he backed the truck to where she was standing, pulled on the emergency brake and put the gearshift in neutral.
As he got down and rounded the truck, she was watching him cautiously, her eyes wide. She held Amanda with a protective grip. He’d been told that his size, combined with the features passed on by his Sioux ancestors, gave him a menacing air, so he deliberately relaxed his expression and unclenched his hands.
She had a large canvas diaper bag hanging from the crook of her arm. Vaguely he recognized Winnie the Pooh characters, although he’d been an adult before he knew anything about those stories. He gazed at her standing with her tiny baby, her storybook diaper bag and an almost childlike uncertainty in her big eyes.
Damn it, he felt like rescuing her all over again. The woman kept getting herself in trouble, and he kept wanting to keep her safe. It was a bad combination. But he couldn’t leave her standing here looking as if her world had suddenly stopped spinning.
“Let’s take a drive,” he said. “I don’t feel like discussing this over a damn cup of coffee. I need to be doing something.”
She peered at his old truck. “Do the seat belts work in your back seat?”
“Yeah.” Then he realized that these days you didn’t just decide to go for a ride with a baby. There were all sorts of rules and regulations. “Forget it. Just write me a letter when you get back to New York.”
“No, I want to go for a drive with you. I brought her infant seat, just in case we did want to take her out somewhere with us. It’s up in the room. Wait here.”
She set the diaper bag down and hurried away before he could protest that this was all too complicated. He stood in the light rain waiting for her, the diaper bag by his feet. He’d always suspected babies were a lot of trouble, for a million reasons.
He was surprised by how quickly she returned with some contraption that she asked him to belt into the back seat so the kid was facing backward. All the baby would see was upholstery. It didn’t look like much fun for the baby, but he remembered park visitors with similar child seats. He had to move some camping stuff to make room. Part of the reason he’d bought the king cab was to have a place out of the weather to keep his sleeping bag and small tent. The very tent, in fact, that Katherine had shared with him. The rain started coming down harder just as he finished.
“Let’s get both of you in, then you can put her back there.” He picked up the diaper bag.
“Okay.”
He opened the passenger door, but it soon became obvious she’d have trouble getting in while Amanda was still strapped to her. He didn’t want to touch her, but it was the expedient choice now that the rain was really sluicing down from the sky. Setting down the diaper bag, he put his hands around her waist and lifted her and the baby onto the front seat. His hands spanned her waist perfectly, just as they had when he’d lifted her on top of him and eased her down over... No, he couldn’t think about that.
“Thank you.” She didn’t look at him.
He noticed the pulse at her throat throbbed and a pink flush tinged her cheeks. He wondered if his touch had anything to do with that. She might not want to maintain any permanent connection with him, but apparently he affected her. He’d bet she found that very inconvenient. Well, so did he.
“Watch your arms,” he said. “I have to slam this to get it shut.” He heaved the door closed, and by the time he climbed in, the baby was crying. He hoped to hell that wasn’t going to go on very long. “What’s wrong with her?” he asked.
“Just the loud noise of the door closing, I think.” Katherine jiggled the baby and crooned to her. Then she lifted her out of the pouch and nuzzled her cheeks. “There, there, Mandy. You’re safe. Don’t be scared.”
Zeke sat immobilized by her tenderness. For some stupid reason it made his throat ache to watch her cuddle that baby. You’d think he’d never seen a mother and baby before. To be honest, he hadn’t been this close to many. Growing up on the ranch had meant being around lots of boys and young men. The couple who’d run the place had a daughter, little Lindsay Duncan, who now owned the place, but she was already a toddler by the time Zeke arrived.
Amanda’s crying tapered off to small gasps and one hiccup. Then she quietly stared up at her mother with an unblinking gaze.
“That’s my girl!” Katherine talked in a special singsong way and smiled at the baby. “Can you give Mommy a happy smile?” She tickled the side of Amanda’s cheek. “Come on now, big smile. That’s it. Big smile.”
To Zeke’s utter fascination, Amanda did smile, which seemed to make her cheeks look chubbier and gave her a double chin. It was the cutest thing he’d ever seen, and he knew cute when he saw it. Nothing matched a couple of tumbling bear cubs, or nothing had until now.
“Some experts say that a two-month-old isn’t really smiling,” Katherine said. “That it’s just a reflex, or gas.”
Zeke could tell from the more adult tone in her voice that Katherine was speaking to him, not Amanda. “Looks like a smile to me,” he said.
“Of course it’s a smile.” Katherine lapsed back into her melodious baby talk. “We know a smile when we see one, don’t we, Mandy? Yes, we do! Now, let’s get you back in your seat.” She lifted the baby from the pouch and handed her to Zeke. “Take her for a minute so I can turn around and get ready to lay her in there.”
“Take her?” He pulled back as if she’d tried to give him a live grenade.
“Just for a minute.”
“I don’t know how to hold a baby!”
“Pipe down. You’ll scare her again. Just support her head with your hand and the rest of her in the crook of your arm.” She settled the baby into his arms and adjusted his hold. “Like that.”
His body stiffened and his heart began to pound as he realized he had total responsibility for keeping this baby alive for the next couple of minutes. “I’m going to drop her. I just know it. Or squeeze her wrong and break something.”
“I doubt that.” Katherine knelt on the seat and began fiddling with the carrier in the back.
For the first time Zeke noticed what she was wearing—a long flowered skirt and a sleeveless blouse the color of young grass. The light material of the skirt stretched tight across her bottom as she adjusted the straps on the infant seat. Zeke tried not to pay attention.
He also became aware of two very pleasant scents replacing the smell of musty canvas that usually filled his cab. One was sweet and fresh, probably baby powder, but the other had a sexy tang to it. When he’d spent the night with Katherine she’d had no toiletries at all, let alone perfume. He’d even let her borrow his toothbrush. He’d loved the natural fragrance of her body, but this other was seductive in its own way. He liked it. He liked it way too much, in fact.
Amanda made a noise and jerked her small body.
He held her tighter. “Don’t do that,” he instructed the baby.
She stared up at him.
He found himself staring back. Her eyes were a soft blue, yet Katherine’s were hazel and his were brown. “Why are her eyes blue?” he asked.
Katherine answered as she continued to fuss with the seat. “Because she’s so young. The doctor said as she gets older they’ll probably turn hazel, like mine.”
He continued to study the baby. Her skin wasn’t as pale as Katherine’s, yet not as bronzed as his. His skin-color genes and Katherine’s must have combined into this shade, which was kind of nice. The thought of his genes combining with anyone’s blew him away. Then he noticed the small dimple in her chin, a dimple just like...his mother’s.
“Okay, hand her to me.”
Zeke was so afraid of dropping the baby in transit that the process of giving her to Katherine involved a lot of physical contact. And memories—the tickle of the downy hair on her forearm, the coolness of her fingers against his skin, the rhythm of her breathing.
While she strapped the baby securely in the seat, he faced forward and took several deep breaths himself, just to get over the dizziness of being so close to Katherine.
Finally she was back and buckled herself in.
He started the engine and turned to her. “We might be gone a couple of hours. Do you have what you need?”
“Yes. I have extra diapers and I’m breast-feeding. We’ll be fine.”
He wished she hadn’t given out that bit of information. He didn’t need to be presented with a picture of her unfastening her blouse and offering her breast to Amanda’s little pink mouth. He’d be wise to get them both back to the lodge before that became necessary.
A car horn beeped and Zeke jumped. In his preoccupation with Katherine and Amanda, he’d totally forgotten his truck was sitting in a crowded parking lot blocking traffic. “Guess we’d better get rolling.” Then he turned the key and ground the starter motor because he hadn’t remembered the engine was already running.
Get a grip, Lonetree. Anyone who knew him would get a kick out of seeing him rattled, he thought. Among the other rangers, he was famous for never losing his cool. He’d faced bears, rattlers, even escaped convicts with calm detachment. But he’d never faced a situation like this one, and he had a feeling it was going to take every ounce of courage he could dredge up.
CHAPTER THREE
KATHERINE WATCHED the windshield wipers slap back and forth while she thought about what she’d done, running after Zeke like that. She’d have a tough time explaining herself to Naomi. She could just hear her godmother—He was ready to give up all parental rights and you talked him out of it? Where was your brain, girl?
Her brain had very little to do with it. She’d been operating on instinct, and right now her instincts told her this was right, for the three of them to be heading down the road together in the rain. Zeke had left the main highway to follow a narrow two-lane road with little traffic on it. Safe in the truck cab with Zeke, she felt cozy, almost peaceful. She hadn’t felt that way for a long time, maybe not since the night she’d spent with him in his tent.
She glanced at Zeke and realized she’d never seen him at the wheel of a vehicle. He looked good there—competent and sexy. The day after her tumble into the river, they’d hiked to a ranger station, and another park service employee had offered to take her back to the Old Faithful Inn so Zeke could return to his campsite and get on with the solitary retreat she’d ruined.
And here she was again, invading his privacy. But for Amanda’s sake, she’d brave it out and hope he’d be willing to accept some part in his daughter’s life.
As if he felt her attention on him, he turned his head. “Should you check her? She seems too quiet.”
“I’m sure she’s asleep. She loves riding.” His comment made her smile. For the first month or so of caring for Amanda she’d had the same fears. She used to wake up twenty times a night and make sure the baby was still breathing. “Sometimes when she’s fussy I bundle her up in her car seat, go outside and hail a cab, just so I can settle her down. It’s worth the cost of a twenty-minute ride around town.”
“You don’t own a car?”
“Nope. Cabs are handier when you’re in Manhattan. I don’t live that far from the office. A car would be more of a nuisance than an advantage.”
He frowned. “But don’t you ever have the urge to get away from the city?”
“Yeah. That’s why I came to Yellowstone last summer.”
“Couldn’t you have found someplace closer?”
“Well, sure. My parents and I used to camp in the Adirondacks when I was a kid, but that seemed too...tame. Besides, I’d been hearing about Yellowstone all my life.”
“So you decided to tackle it alone.”
“I like a challenge.”
His jaw tightened. “I’d say you have one now, with your job and the baby.”
And your stubbornness, she wanted to add, but didn’t.
“And speaking of your job, what’s Naomi Rutledge’s stake in all this?” he asked.
Katherine decided that revealing Naomi as her godmother would only confuse the issue, so she stuck to the job situation. “She’s offered to let me take over the magazine when she retires. Understandably she’d like my personal life to be under control before she does that.”
He stared out at the rain-swept landscape. “That should be a no-brainer. I’ll bow out of your life and Amanda’s, like I said back at the lodge. Case closed.”
“I think that’s a mistake.” She took note that his jaw now seemed carved in granite. He didn’t appear to be the kind of man who would change his mind easily once it was made up. He’d given her Naomi’s preferred response twice in a row, and she was no more ready to accept his decision than she had been the first time. But she wasn’t sure she could explain why.
“I don’t get it, Katherine.”
A thrill ran through her. It was the first time he’d used her name since they’d met at the lodge, and the sound of it made a definite impact on her, reminding her of the way he’d said her name while they’d made love. “I’m not sure I get it, either,” she said, picking at a loose thread in the stitching of the armrest. But she was beginning to suspect her behavior wasn’t all motivated by Amanda’s welfare. She’d been intrigued with Zeke a year ago. She still was. She’d told him the truth about liking challenges, and he certainly presented a huge one.
“Why didn’t you contact me when you found out you were pregnant?”
At last—an easy question, one she’d been meaning to answer for him right away, but the sensual vibrations between them kept sidetracking her. “I had a very difficult time during the pregnancy,” she said, glancing up. “The doctor said I was very likely to miscarry.”
“All the more reason to—”
“I didn’t see it that way. You were concerned about birth control that night, so I didn’t think you’d welcome the idea that I was pregnant. There was no point in getting you involved unless there really would be a baby. I wasn’t sure of that until the minute she was born.”
His voice was tight. “That was two months ago. Did you forget to pay your phone bill? Or maybe you ran out of stamps. That can happen.”
“I couldn’t picture having a conversation about this over the phone. And a letter seemed even worse.” She turned in her seat to look at him squarely. “Look, we got caught by a weird set of circumstances. I’ve tried to do what I thought was best. Maybe I’ve made some mistakes, but I—”
A loud bang interrupted her sentence and the truck lurched. Automatically she swiveled toward the back seat as Amanda started to cry and Zeke started to swear.
He eased the truck to the side of the road. “Sit tight. We have a blowout.” He opened his door and cool rain blew in.
“Do you have a spare?”
“I think that was the spare that just blew.” He climbed down and slammed the door.
Her heartbeat quickened. No spare. Before having Amanda, she wouldn’t have been all that concerned, even if they’d had to walk back to civilization in the rain. But now she couldn’t afford to be stranded.
Unbuckling her seat belt, she turned around and unfastened Amanda from her car seat to bring her up to the front. The baby wailed pitifully, her face scrunched up and her arms waving in the air. Katherine glanced at her watch and decided that the loud noise wasn’t the only thing that had upset Amanda. She was due for some chow.
* * *
RAIN SOAKED ZEKE’S flannel shirt as he gazed at the hole in the sidewall of the left front tire and swore some more. He hardly ever drove the truck because he used park service vehicles when he was on duty. This afternoon when he’d started for the lodge, he’d remembered he hadn’t fixed the flat after a nail had punctured it a couple of months ago, but it was too late to worry about it then.
He calculated the distance back to the lodge versus the distance to his little cabin. The cabin was closer. If he drove slowly, he might make it without damaging the rim too badly. Then he could call somebody from there.
Of course, that meant dragging Katherine and the baby to his cabin. He hadn’t intended to do that, even though he’d been driving in that direction. He just happened to like this road, which was one of the reasons he’d decided to buy a couple of acres out here and put up a small log house. He had no neighbors within several miles, but he did have a phone, running water and electricity. Most of the time.
With one last disgusted look at the tire, he climbed back in the truck. “I think—”
“Close the door gently if you can, so you don’t startle her.”
He glanced at Katherine and caught his breath. Her green blouse was unfastened, although she’d modestly pulled it around her so that her breast barely showed. Somehow that made the whole picture more erotic to Zeke. Rain drummed on the roof of the cab, but he could still hear the soft sucking noises Amanda made while she nursed.
He pulled the door closed as best he could, knowing he’d have to open it and slam it again before they started driving. Then he stared straight ahead and tried to concentrate on following the path of an individual raindrop as it slid down the windshield.
He seemed to be having trouble getting enough air, and he cracked his window open a little.
A woman nursing her child was no big deal, he told himself. He lived among wild animals who raised their young that way, and this was the very same activity. Except it wasn’t even close. A year ago he’d desperately wanted this woman, and she’d desperately wanted him. Now the result of their mating that night lay in her arms, the tiny mouth fastened to her breast. God help him, he wanted this woman still.
“Is the tire done for?” she asked quietly.
“Pretty much.” He cleared the hoarseness from his throat and hoped she hadn’t attached any significance to his husky tone of voice. He didn’t want her to know how she affected him.
“Maybe somebody will come along.”
“That’s not too likely.” He took a deep breath and let it out. He wanted to touch her, to cradle her breasts in both hands as he once had, to taste her. “Not many people use this road, and this isn’t a good day for sightseeing.”
“Zeke, please don’t...don’t leave me here and go for help.”
He glanced at her in astonishment. “It never occurred to me.”
Relief shone in her eyes. “Maybe I’m being silly. If I didn’t have Amanda I wouldn’t mind, but—”
“I wouldn’t leave you.” His pulse raced as he gazed into her eyes and saw the fulfillment she drew from nursing her child. No woman had ever looked so beautiful to him, so desirable, as Katherine did now. Motherhood had given her a glow that he found almost irresistible. But he would have to resist.
“What are we going to do?” she asked.
For a moment he wondered if she was asking about the flat tire or if she wanted a solution to their much bigger problem. He didn’t have one for it. But she probably was talking about the tire. “We’ll drive on it,” he said. “I have a cabin out here. It’s not far. From there we can call a tow truck.”
“You live out here?” She sounded quite interested.
“Yeah, when I’m not on duty at the park. It beats renting an apartment somewhere.”
She nodded. “I can’t picture you in an apartment. I imagine you clearing the land and building something out of logs, like Daniel Boone or Davy Crockett.”
That made him smile. “Which is exactly what I did.”
She gazed at him, her expression wistful. “That’s the first time you’ve smiled since we met at the lodge.”
“Yeah, well, this experience hasn’t been a laugh a minute.”
“I hate that it’s so painful for you. She’s a beautiful little girl, and I wish you could share some of the joy I feel.”
“You’re really happy about this?” All along he’d thought she was being a good sport for the baby’s sake.
“How could I help being happy? Maybe I was a bit shocked when the doctor told me I was pregnant, but in about five minutes the shock wore off and I started feeling excited. A new life was growing inside me. That’s a miraculous thing, Zeke.”
He wondered if he’d have reacted that positively if she’d called to tell him right away. Maybe not, but he’d never know. Well-meaning though she might have been, she’d cheated him out of that sense of anticipation. “But what about your career? Isn’t this messing things up for you?”
“It could, if I had a different boss, but Naomi gave me all the time off I needed to make sure this baby had a chance to survive. Now that she’s here, I’m able to take her to the office with me, and when she’s a toddler she can stay in Cachet’s in-house nursery while I work.” She paused. “My only regret is whatever trouble I’m causing you.”
“You haven’t caused me any yet.” She’d caused him a fair share of heartache, but she’d protected him from any inconvenience so far. He wasn’t sure he thanked her for that.
“We wouldn’t be stuck out on this road if it weren’t for me.”
“We wouldn’t, but I would be. This tire would have blown on the way back home whether you were riding with me or not. And I probably would have decided to drive on it instead of hiking through the rain to the cabin.”
“That makes me feel a little bit better.” She glanced down at Amanda. “I think she’s about finished. If you’ll give me a moment, I’ll burp her and put her back in her carrier so we can get going.”
“Sure.” He understood the message. He was supposed to stop looking at her and focus on something outside the cab so she could get herself together again. With some regret he did that, staring across a meadow to the misty forest beyond. Normally he could see the Tetons from here, but the clouds had moved in and completely covered them.
For once the landscape he’d grown to love didn’t interest him. He tried to ignore the rustle of clothing as Katherine buttoned her blouse, but it was pretty tough to ignore the happy little sounds she made as she talked softly to Amanda in the process.
He wondered if his mother had ever talked to him that way, with a singsong lilt to her voice. All he remembered were the frowns and the switches made of willow, and even those memories were hazy now. He’d only been three when she’d driven him to the entrance of Lost Springs and ordered him out of the car, but he still remembered everything about that moment—the clothes he’d had on, the smell of the dirt under his feet, the hawk circling overhead in a huge, cloudless sky.
“I’ll burp her, change her diaper, and we’re done,” Katherine said.
Zeke took that as his cue that it was safe to look at her again. Sure enough, she was properly dressed now, with Amanda propped over her shoulder as she patted the baby’s back. He’d probably never have the chance to watch her nurse Amanda again. Maybe that was best.
Amanda made a sound like a bullfrog. The magnitude of it startled Zeke. “Does that hurt her?”
“Nope.” Katherine smiled. “It would hurt her if I let that gas stay in her tummy. Then she’d really scream. Listen, would you mind getting me the diaper bag from the back? This will just take a second.”
He leaned over the back seat and hauled the multicolored bag up front. He placed it between them where she could reach it. “Want me to look away again?”
Katherine laughed as she placed Amanda on a pad on her lap and popped the snaps on the baby’s pink jumpsuit. “Not on Amanda’s account. She’s a free spirit who doesn’t mind in the least who sees her naked.”
“Unlike her mother.” After he’d led her back to his camp last summer, she’d made him hang a blanket between two trees so she could hide behind it when she took off her soaked clothes.
Her cheeks turned pink and she concentrated on untaping Amanda’s disposable diaper. “I barely knew you then.”
“You barely know me now.”
She didn’t look at him. “That’s true, I guess.”
“So why not make a clean break before this gets any more complicated? It’s what you decided to do last summer, isn’t it?”
Her movements stilled. “I thought that’s what we both decided.”
“Yeah, I guess we did.” Wild horses wouldn’t drag the truth from him.
She glanced up, her hazel eyes troubled. “But now there’s Amanda.”
“Look, I’ll be glad to send you a check every month if that’s—”
“No. I don’t want money. I thought I made that clear.”
“Then what do you want?” He watched the confusion in her eyes and believed that she didn’t really know. “We can’t make this turn out like a storybook,” he said. “You can’t wave a magic wand and turn me into the daddy who goes off to the office with a briefcase every day and then comes home to play patty-cake with his daughter.”
“I know that.” She popped open a plastic container and ripped out a moist towelette with an angry motion.
“So given that I’m staying here and you’re going back to New York with Amanda, what kind of a real father could I be?”
“I don’t have all the answers, Zeke.”
“But you don’t want me to sign away my parental rights to this baby.”
She glanced up. “No, I don’t. But you still have that option. If you decide that’s the best thing for you, then by all means do it.”
“I do think it’s for the best,” he said quietly.
“All right.” She swallowed and leaned down to finish diapering Amanda. “Then I guess I’d better stop trying to change your mind.” She snapped the baby’s jumpsuit together again. “Hold her for a minute while I get organized to put her back in her seat.”
He took the baby from her, and Amanda’s tiny body felt a little less foreign to him this time. She stared up at him with the same concentration as before. Then she began waving her arms and kicking with her legs.
“Hold still now,” he said, trying to keep his voice gentle. He didn’t want her to start crying because he was too gruff with her.
She stopped wiggling and went back to her staring routine.
“That’s better.” He smiled in spite of himself. She was so serious-looking for such a little thing.
Then, to his total amazement, she smiled back.
Something stirred within him and his throat grew tight. He looked away from that endearing little smile and swallowed hard. “You about ready for her?” he asked.
“Yes.” Katherine leaned over and lifted Amanda from his arms.
* * *
KATHERINE REMAINED SILENT as the truck rolled jerkily along the pavement, but the ride became more jolting when Zeke turned off on a dirt road. She kept glancing into the back seat, but Amanda slept through it all. As long as she was in motion, she was content.
But someday her needs would be much more than that, and Katherine wondered if she’d be enough parent for the little girl. So long as Zeke was a faint possibility on the horizon, she hadn’t really contemplated the job of raising Amanda alone, even if Naomi had thought that was the logical decision. Now that Zeke had completely rejected fatherhood, Katherine realized that she’d unconsciously counted on him to have some influence in Amanda’s life, no matter what she’d told Naomi.
Besides that, his rejection felt like a personal insult, both to her and her baby. She couldn’t imagine how someone could look at Amanda and choose never to see her again. From the tender way Zeke had made love that night a year ago, Katherine had thought he had a soft heart. Apparently she’d been wrong.
The truck approached a wooden bridge that spanned a rushing creek and Zeke put on the brakes. “Damn, but that water’s high.”
“Are you worried about the bridge holding?”
“Not going across this time, but if the rain keeps up... Well, we’ll just tell them to bring the biggest, baddest tow truck they have to get across the creek, that’s all.” He stepped on the gas and the truck limped across the bridge, the tires making a hollow sound on the boards.
Katherine turned to look back at the creek when they were on the other side. Brown water boiled only about a foot beneath the boards. The sight made her a little sick to her stomach as she remembered the helpless feeling of being tossed around in the rapids. Without Zeke she surely would have died that day. “Has the bridge ever washed out?”
“No, but I only built it two years ago, when I bought the property. I’ve never seen the creek running that high.” He glanced at her. “Hey, don’t worry. Forget I said anything. We’ll be fine.”
“I’m sure we will.” Katherine faced forward again as they entered a grove of aspens, their white trunks shiny with rain.
“There it is, through the trees on the right.”
She peered out her window and spotted the clearing between the glistening tree trunks. Behind the clearing rose a hillside covered with pine, and nestled against the hillside was the sweetest little log cabin she’d ever seen. It looked like something out of one of her history books in school, right down to the stone chimney and the small front porch. She almost expected to see a pioneer woman come out of the front door and wipe her hands on her apron as she waited for her visitors to arrive.
“It’s charming,” she said.
“Thank you.” He sounded pleased with her response. He pulled the truck up beside the cabin, shut off the motor and glanced at her. “We can at least have a cup of coffee while we wait for the tow truck.”
“Only if you have decaf. Everything I put in my stomach affects my breast milk, so I have to be careful.”
His gaze warmed for a brief moment before he broke eye contact and cleared his throat. “Sorry. No decaf. Come on. Let’s go in and make that call.”
She strapped Amanda back into the baby sling and grabbed the diaper bag while he unlocked the cabin and came back out with a yellow slicker to hold over the two of them. When he helped her down from the truck, she was glad there was a baby between them. Once his hand closed over hers, she had the craziest urge to move right into his arms. As it was, they were plastered together under the slicker as they dodged puddles on the way to the front porch.
“It’s really coming down,” he said, shaking out the slicker. “Go on in. After I call, I’ll see if I can’t find something you can drink.”
She stepped into the cabin and was greeted with the aroma of fresh-cut wood. The place looked as she had imagined—a single room with rustic furniture including a bed, a rocking chair, a table and two chairs. One corner contained a stove, sink and refrigerator. Another was partitioned off and was undoubtedly the bathroom. The room was neat but had no particular decorating touches, which didn’t surprise her, either. Even without curtains, a tablecloth or a vase of flowers on a windowsill, the effect was still cozy and welcoming.
Zeke came in and closed the door behind him.
“It’s very nice, Zeke.”
“Simple.” He walked over to the large window looking out on to the porch. The stationary center pane was flanked by two screened windows, which he’d left open, but now he closed them against the chill.
“Simplicity has elegance, too,” Katherine said.
His grin was wry. “I wasn’t going for elegance.” He crossed to the wall phone hanging behind the rocker. “Have a seat,” he said, gesturing to the kitchen chairs. “I’ll call the towing company and then see what I have in the cupboard.”
“I don’t really need anything,” Katherine said. It wasn’t quite true. Her stomach was grumbling because she’d been too nervous to eat lunch. But she didn’t want to bother him when she’d be back at the lodge in a couple of hours at the most. She’d eat then.
“Well, I’m going to have something.” He picked up the receiver and started to punch out a number. He paused and clicked the hang-up button a couple of times. Then he clicked it again. Finally he replaced the receiver and turned to her. “Maybe you’d better reconsider having something to eat.”
Anxiety added to the turmoil in her stomach. “What’s wrong?” But she knew exactly what was wrong.
“This storm must be worse than I thought. It’s knocked out the phone. Looks like we’ll be here awhile.”
CHAPTER FOUR
“HOW LONG DO YOU THINK the phone line will be out?” Katherine quickly calculated whether the baby’s needs could be met for the next few hours. She always packed more than enough diapers, and she’d brought an extra terry sleeper. Food was no problem.
Zeke sighed and walked over to peer out the window. “No telling where the lines are down. Out here the telephone can be out quite a while before anyone notices or reports it. It serves mostly vacation cabins, which aren’t used all the time.” He turned toward her with a worried frown. “I should have headed back to the lodge and said to hell with the wheel rim. I’m sorry, Katherine.”
“Don’t worry about it.” To her surprise, she wasn’t sorry at all. If he’d been able to call a tow truck they’d have parted within a couple of hours. Now they had more time. She wasn’t sure if that would change his mind about keeping some connection with Amanda, but it might.
“I could hike out to the road and try to catch a ride back to the lodge.”
“That seems completely unnecessary.” If he left, that would destroy any hope that he’d bond with Amanda.
“You’d be fine. You’d be safe here and there’s plenty of food.”
“I’d still rather you didn’t leave us alone.”
“You won’t get washed away, if that’s what you’re thinking. We’re much higher than the creek.”
She was unwilling to admit why she wanted him to stay, but she could offer him a reason he might accept, one that was also true. “I wasn’t thinking of water, but speaking of that, did I ever tell you how I fell in the river in the first place?”
“I don’t think we got around to that.”
Because we had other things on our minds. She became aware that this one-room cabin put them in close proximity to a bed. Not that she would allow herself to get involved with him in that way again. They’d created enough problems for each other as it was. It was a beautiful bed made of peeled and sanded logs, a big bed, a soft-looking bed, a—”How did you fall in the river?” he prompted.
She blushed and turned her attention away from the bed. She hoped she didn’t have a telltale lustful expression on her face. “I was crossing the river on a log. A pretty fat log, too, so I shouldn’t have had any trouble making it. Then I heard a snuffling noise behind me, looked over my shoulder and saw a bear at the edge of the river.”
“What kind of bear?”
“A big bear.”
He smiled. “I meant the breed.”
“I didn’t stop to ask him his pedigree. I just started scrambling across that log like a squirrel with its tail on fire, only I’m not as sure-footed as a squirrel, and I fell in. As I headed downstream, I thought maybe it wasn’t such a bad escape method, but then I couldn’t stop myself and I kept going under, so I figured I’d probably drown. But at least that was better than being eaten by a bear.”
He chuckled. “Far better.”
“In my opinion.” She liked making him laugh. She’d forgotten that she had that power. He’d told her that not many people got him to relax enough to laugh.
“For the record, I doubt you had much to worry about from that bear,” he said. “He was probably after trout, not magazine editors.”
“Oh, yeah? Maybe it was a grizz.” She took her hands away from Amanda’s sling and lifted them menacingly, curling her fingers into claws.
“A grizz?” He grinned. “Are you trying to speak the lingo, New York lady?”
He’d teased her with that label last summer. As the night had progressed, he’d switched to calling her his New York lady. His use of the term now sent a shiver of reaction up her spine, but she tried to keep her tone light. “I’m trying to tell you that I’d rather not stay in this cabin alone with Amanda when it’s possible a bear could come along and bash down your cabin door.”
“That’s not going to happen.”
“Do you or do you not have bears around here?”
“All right, there is a black bear that hangs around this area.” He stroked his chin and his dark eyes sparkled. “And maybe she’s been up on the porch a couple of times, but—”
“On the porch?” Katherine hugged Amanda tighter. “That does it. You’re staying here with us until such time as we get escorted out of here by a burly guy driving a monster tow truck. Do I make myself clear, ranger man?” If he could toss out the nickname he’d given her that night, she could toss out his.
The laughter in his eyes faded, to be replaced with something more potent. “I don’t know how long we’ll be here.”
“I don’t care. I—”
“I do.”
She met his gaze. “You really want us out of your life, don’t you?” she said softly.
“Yes.”
* * *
ZEKE TURNED AWAY from the pain flickering in Katherine’s eyes. Sometimes the truth hurt, as he well knew. There was nothing more to say, so he’d better get some food on the table. Fortunately he’d done a little shopping the day before and had most of the basics.
He walked over to the kitchen cupboard and took down a can of tuna. “How about a tuna sandwich?”
“That’s fine.” Her voice held none of the playfulness from a moment ago, when she’d been describing her bear experience.
For a brief time during that conversation about the bear, he’d forgotten their situation and had found himself enjoying the Katherine he’d known a year ago, the one who had caused him to lower his defenses. He’d be wise not to lower them again.
“Can I help in any way?” she asked.
“I’ll take care of it.” He’d really done himself in this time, Zeke thought. Although he wasn’t planning to tell Katherine yet, there had been times when the phone had been out for several days. He wasn’t about to stay here with her for days, though. If necessary, he’d drive the truck the way it was. He’d rather have mega-repair bills than spend that amount of time here with Katherine and the baby. He didn’t want to get in any deeper than he already was.
He put on some coffee and started working on the sandwiches while Katherine talked to Amanda in that cozy way she had. When she crooned to the baby in such an intimate tone he felt closed out, which might be how she wanted him to feel after the way he’d come across about the parental rights thing. But he knew himself, and being a part-time father would tear him apart. It was a situation guaranteed to produce misunderstandings and potential rejection. He had a very low tolerance for rejection, but he wasn’t going to expose himself enough to explain that to her.
Rain pelted the window over the sink as he worked on lunch. He listened to it come down and thought about the creek bridge. Most likely the beaver dam upstream had given way, and if he wanted to get back across that bridge in the truck, he’d have to make his move soon. Obviously Katherine wasn’t going to let him go without her. He wasn’t crazy about the idea of leaving her, either, although he thought she’d be safe enough, especially if he showed her how to fire his gun to scare off Sadie if she showed up.
But he doubted she’d agree to that procedure, and there was no way he could force her to stay behind. He decided to wait an hour. If the phone wasn’t working by then, he’d suggest they drive the truck on the flat tire, get back on the main road and look for the nearest phone.
“Zeke?”
“Yeah?” He kept working on the sandwiches instead of turning around. The busier he kept himself, the better.
“I understand that you want to give up all your rights to Amanda and have no more contact with us, but I was wondering if...if you’d mind her knowing something about you.”
A warning flashed in his brain. “Such as?”
“Well, that you love the outdoors, and you’re part Sioux. Things like that.”
The concept of Amanda being curious about her father hadn’t even occurred to him. He’d been so focused on getting mother and baby out of his life that he’d forgotten Amanda wouldn’t always be a baby. And kids wanted to know about their parents. He still wondered about his father and had done some fruitless research trying to find out who he was and what had happened to him.
“I could disguise the information so she wouldn’t be able to track you down,” Katherine said, “if that’s what you’re worried about.”
He picked up the two sandwich plates and walked over to the table where she sat holding the baby. “Yeah, that’s what I’m worried about.” He also wondered how a grown-up Amanda would take the news that he hadn’t wanted to have anything to do with her. Damn, but this was getting dicey.
“I think it would be better to give her some information rather than make you a big question mark,” Katherine said.
“Maybe.” He set down the sandwiches. “I made coffee, but I guess you can’t have that. I suppose beer’s out, too. I have orange juice and—”
“Actually, a beer would be fine. I have one once in a while when I’m afraid stress might have decreased my flow of milk.”
His glance went immediately to her full breasts underneath the gauzy material of her green blouse. Fortunately he had the presence of mind to quickly look up again. He couldn’t be caught staring at her. “I’ll get you a beer.” He walked over to the refrigerator and tried to ignore his memory’s instant replay of Katherine poised above him, her breasts quivering with each upward thrust he made.
By the time he returned to the table with a foaming glass of beer in one hand and his mug of coffee in the other, he’d calmed himself.
“Thank you.” She gave him a brief smile.
He realized that her smiles were in short supply this trip, too. He’d been proud of himself when he’d made her smile the first time after fishing her out of the river. She’d been so damned scared that she hadn’t been able to stop shaking. He’d asked her country-bumpkin questions about life in the big city until at long last he’d coaxed her into smiling a little. That was the first moment he’d realized that he wanted more than a smile from her.
He’d never in a million years have guessed that such a moment could lead him to this. Silently he gazed at Katherine as she sat across the table from him. She’d taken Amanda out of the sling, and now she tucked the baby in the crook of her arm as she sipped her beer. A bit of foam clung to her upper lip and she licked it away with her tongue. An arrow of desire shot straight to Zeke’s groin. He’d have to get her out of here soon.
He took a bracing drink of his coffee and realized how much he’d hate to give up coffee if he were in her shoes. A mother’s self-sacrificing behavior held a certain fascination for him, probably because he hadn’t experienced any from his own mother. At least none he knew of. At Lost Springs they’d tried to convince him that his mother had been self-sacrificing when she’d left him at the ranch. It hadn’t felt that way then, and it still didn’t.
“So what would you like me to tell Amanda about you?” Katherine asked.
He picked up his sandwich. “Persistent, aren’t we?”
“I figure I won’t get another shot at this.”
He paused, his sandwich halfway to his mouth. “Tell her I was a selfish son of a gun who wasn’t cut out to be a father.” He bit into the sandwich.
“I’d like to tell her that you saved my life.”
He glanced up.
“Without you I wouldn’t be here now,” she said quietly. “And neither would she. And I don’t want to deliberately lie to her. You’re not selfish.”
He chewed and swallowed. “Sure I am. If I weren’t, I’d want some sort of joint custody.”
She gazed at him. “I don’t believe that you’re denying yourself that out of selfishness. I think...” Her voice trailed off as her expression softened.
He didn’t want to ask what she was thinking when she looked like that. He’d seen that expression before, and he was no match for it. “You’d better eat that sandwich,” he said a little too gruffly. “Keep up your strength.”
Almost like an obedient child she picked up the sandwich, but having only the use of one hand, she fumbled with it. Some of the filling spilled out as she tried to maneuver it to her mouth.
She obviously needed some help so she could eat properly, but Zeke didn’t want to volunteer to hold Amanda. Funny things happened to his insides whenever he ended up touching that baby. “Would you like me to get her seat out of the truck?” he asked.
Katherine glanced outside where the rain cascaded off the front porch roof in a continuous waterfall. “No sense in going back out in that until it lets up. But I could put her on your bed, if you wouldn’t mind.”
“She won’t roll off?”
“She can’t roll yet.” Katherine pushed back her chair and stood, holding Amanda in both arms.
“Today might be her day to start.”
“Not likely. I’ll put her blanket and changing pad on your bedspread to protect it.”
“I’m not worried about that. I just think it’s dangerous to leave her there with no rails on the bed or anything.” Zeke surveyed his little cabin for a better solution. “Hang on a minute. I think I have just the thing.” He walked over to the fireplace and took the kindling out of an oval copper kettle he’d bought at a garage sale. He turned the kettle upside down and tapped it to get any scraps out, then crossed to the bed and took the spread off. Folding it, he tucked it into the kettle, letting the excess spill out and pad the sides.
Feeling proud of himself, he set it down next to the table. “How’s that?”
“That’s...” She looked at him and her eyes started to fill. She quickly averted her face.
He was crushed. “Okay. Stupid idea. Of course you don’t want to put her in an old kindling kettle. I don’t know what I was thinking.” He stooped down to pull the bedspread back out.
“No, stop!” She sniffed and wiped at her cheeks with her free hand. “It’s a perfect idea. I love it.”
He stared at her, completely at sea. “Then why are you crying?”
“Because...” She swallowed. “Because, when you put that bassinet together, it was almost as if...well, you were acting like a f-father. And I didn’t realize how m-much I wanted you to...oh, forget it.” She choked back a sob and crouched down to lay Amanda in the makeshift bed.
Zeke stood there, hands clenched at his sides as he fought the urge to take her in his arms and tell her he’d do whatever she needed him to. He wanted to promise that he’d do his best to shield her and the baby from whatever disasters came their way, that he’d be the anchor she so desperately seemed to want.
But he’d be making empty promises. He couldn’t follow her to New York and live in her world in order to keep those promises, and he doubted she wanted him to. He wasn’t the sort of warm, easygoing man that women liked to have around on a regular basis, and Katherine had proved that by leaving last summer. So he said nothing and returned to take his seat at the table.
She fussed with Amanda for quite a while, and he figured she was getting herself under control. She’d had a hard time the past few months, he was sure. She’d said the pregnancy hadn’t been easy, and from what he’d heard childbirth was no picnic, either, especially when you had to face it alone. He probably didn’t want to know what she’d been through bringing Amanda into the world. He’d only have the urge to make it up to her.
“There.” She sat down at the table again, clear-eyed. “Shouldn’t you try the phone again?”
“Yep.” He got up and went over to pick up the receiver. “It’s still out.”
“Oh, well.” She’d adopted a breezy air. “I’m sure it’ll be connected soon, and then we can get out of your hair.” She started on her sandwich.
“I’m sure you’ll be glad to get back to New York. You must be good at your job if Naomi Rutledge wants you to take over the whole magazine.” Talking about her work felt safe—it reminded him of the distance between their very different worlds.
She swallowed a bite of tuna. “She blew me away with that news. Sure, we get along well, and she’s been super through this pregnancy, but I never in the world imagined she wanted me to be her replacement.”
“Sounds like a lot of responsibility.” He’d hate being tied down like that.
“It is.” She took another sip of her beer. “And I’m sort of scared, but the time I spent in Yellowstone last year has given me more confidence in myself.” She glanced at him. “Up until I fell into the river, at any rate. That was pretty inept. But before that I’d been alone for almost two days and I really had time to think and evaluate my strengths and weaknesses honestly. I decided I was more capable than I gave myself credit for.”
He shoved away his empty sandwich plate. “Time alone can be a good thing.”
“I would expect you to think so. I don’t hunger for that kind of isolation all the time, but I learned a lot during that trip.”
Maybe that had been why she’d made love to him so eagerly, he thought. Feeling self-sufficient in the wilderness could give someone a real high. Add to that the adrenaline rush of nearly dying, and it was no wonder she’d wanted the earthy physical release sex could bring. It probably had nothing to do with him. Any reasonably decent guy would have served the purpose.
“I didn’t know you were raised on a boys’ ranch,” she said.
He grew uneasy. “That’s something you probably shouldn’t tell Amanda. She could trace me in no time if she knew to start at Lost Springs.”
She finished her sandwich and picked up her glass of beer. “You honestly don’t think you’ll ever want to see her? Not even when she’s an adult and wouldn’t require any caretaking?”
He picked up their plates and carried them over to the sink. “Look, Katherine, I don’t know the first thing about being a father. I never knew my own. The Duncans, the people who ran Lost Springs when I was there, were wonderful to all of us, but it wasn’t the same as having your very own father and mother who had all your baby pictures and remembered when you said your first word and got your first tooth.” He rinsed the plates. “I wouldn’t have the foggiest idea how to treat a daughter, but you obviously do, so the best thing is for you to handle this alone.”
“I guess you can’t be any plainer than that.”
He dried his hands on a towel hanging by the sink and turned back to her. “I’m trying to be as honest as I can, both with myself and with you.”
Her smile was tremulous. “Same here.”
“Then I guess we understand each other.”
“I understand.” She blinked, but there were no tears this time. Then she glanced down at the kettle where Amanda lay. “And I’ll figure out some way to make her understand, too.”
It was a sucker punch, and he felt it down to his toes. Amanda lay cradled by the green bedspread, fast asleep. As a kid he’d raised dozens of baby animals whose mothers were killed by predators or on the highway. As a ranger he was still doing it. Yet in all that time of nursing young wildlife, he’d never seen any creature look more vulnerable and in need of care than this tiny baby. And he was turning his back on her.
CHAPTER FIVE
SITTING IN A COOL CABIN in damp clothes gave Katherine goose bumps now that she didn’t have Amanda to keep her warm. At least that’s what she told herself. It couldn’t be nerves, or the fact that without the baby in her arms, she began wondering what it would be like to hold Zeke again.
She looked for a thermostat on the wall and found none. She guessed that the fireplace provided the cabin’s only heat, and she couldn’t ask Zeke to build a fire when they could be leaving at any moment.
Picking up her beer glass, she left the table and moved around the cabin. She pretended to be interested in what she found, when her true motivation was to get rid of her jittery chilled feeling. She touched the log walls. “Did you peel the bark off yourself, or did you have some help?” She was pretty sure of the answer, but it seemed like a safe topic and she didn’t like the sound of silence. She became far too aware of his body when they both stopped talking.
“I did it myself.”
Of course he had. The original Lone Ranger. He might as well wear a black mask over his eyes and ride a horse named Silver. But even the Lone Ranger had Tonto. “So none of your friends from Lost Springs came over to help?”
“I invited them after I was finished.”
“Oh.” She gazed at the fireplace with its thick plank serving as a mantel. Something was carved into the front edge. She looked closer and saw that it was a tiny pine tree, all by itself. So Zeke had a brand, of sorts. The more she studied it, the more the carving irritated her. What right did he have to declare himself an island, especially when fate had given him a child?
And why was she being so noble about the whole thing and quietly accepting his decision to reject fatherhood completely? Naomi might think that was the best course of action, but Katherine would be the one trying to explain to Amanda that her father wanted nothing to do with her because he was a lone wolf with no ties and intended to keep it that way.
She turned toward the kitchen area, where he was straightening things up after their lunch. “I’ve changed my mind about something.”
“Oh?” He hung the towel up and walked over to the table, but instead of sitting down, he placed both hands on the chair back, as if he needed to grip something while he heard what she had to say.
And he probably did, she thought. She had a tight hold on the beer glass herself. “I told you at the lodge that I didn’t come here to get any money from you, and that’s what I’d decided because I pretty much blamed myself for this pregnancy.” She squared her shoulders. “But I’m not to blame. I took precautions. They just didn’t work. So it’s silly of me to shoulder all the financial responsibility. And besides that, if you send something every month, that will at least let Amanda know you care about her in some fashion.”
He frowned. “I’ll send it, but I wouldn’t do it so she’d know I was thinking of her. In fact, I’d rather she didn’t know where the money came from.”
“Sorry.” Katherine warmed to the fight. “You’re overruled. And I’ll tell you why. You just said yourself that not having your mother and father around when you were growing up left you unable to relate to a child. I don’t want Amanda to have that problem. I want her to know that she has a father, and although he’s emotionally unable to connect with her, he at least gives of himself in the form of a check every month.”
He looked like a cornered animal as his dark eyes blazed. “And I suppose you’d encourage her to write to me, and eventually you’d suggest that she come here for a visit.”
“Absolutely not! Do you think I’d take a chance with her fragile young ego? I wouldn’t want her to get here and be brutally rejected.”
“I wouldn’t—”
“Wouldn’t you? Every single time I’ve tried to bring the two of you together, you’ve acted as if she has some contagious disease.”
“But she’s a baby!” he bellowed. “I’ve never been around babies! I don’t know anything about them. I might accidentally hurt her. Or worse!”
Amanda began to cry.
Katherine glared at him and crossed the room to pick up the baby. “You certainly know how to scare her to death.”
“I didn’t mean to be so loud, okay?” He stalked over to the telephone. “This just proves my point. The less she knows about me, the better. I’ll only create problems for her.” He picked up the receiver and put it to his ear. “Damn it to hell.” He started to slam the receiver into its cradle but caught himself and replaced it carefully.

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