Читать онлайн книгу «The Mirrabrook Marriage» автора Barbara Hannay
The Mirrabrook Marriage
Barbara Hannay
Sarah Rossiter has been in love with rugged cattle station owner Reid McKinnon for years. They'd been happy together until Reid suddenly broke things off–leaving Sarah puzzled and heartbroken.In fact, Reid had discovered something that made him swear never to be a husband or father. Now, when Sarah decides–reluctantly–to start a new life away from Star Valley, Reid knows he must act or risk losing her forever. But will she still be willing to marry him once she knows the dark secrets his family has hidden…?
Dear Readers,
Welcome to Southern Cross Ranch, a vast Australian cattle property in the Star Valley and home to Reid, Kane and Annie McKinnon.
There really is a beautiful and remote Star Valley and it’s situated to the north of Townsville, where I live. The Broken and Star Rivers flow through this district and the cattle stations there have wonderful names like Starlight, Starbright and ZigZag. However, there are no towns in the valley and although I have made Southern Cross station and the township of Mirrabrook as authentic as I can, they are entirely my creations.
I am thrilled to be bringing you three linked stories about the McKinnon family’s secrets. In The Mirrabrook Marriage, meet Sarah, who’s been secretly in love with Reid McKinnon for many years…but he harbors secrets…one of which could stand in their way of finding happiness….
Happy reading and my warmest wishes,
Family secrets, Outback marriages!
Deep in the heart of the Outback, nestled in Star Valley, is the McKinnon family cattle station. Southern Cross Station is an oasis in the harsh Outback landscape and a refuge to the McKinnon family—Kane, Reid and their sister, Annie. But it’s also full of secrets…
Kane’s story. He’s keeping a secret, but little does he know that by helping a friend he’ll also find a bride!
The Cattleman’s English Rose
Then it’s Annie’s turn. How’s a young woman supposed to find love when the nearest eligible man lives miles away? Easy, she arranges a blind date on the Internet! But her date has a secret.…
The Blind Date Surprise
And lastly, Reid. He’s about to discover a secret that will change his whole life! Luckily his childhood sweetheart has just returned back to Mirrabrook and is happy to help him to discover the mysteries of his past—and help him find love along the way.
The Mirrabrook Marriage
The Mirrabrook Marriage
Barbara Hannay
www.millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk)
CONTENTS
CHAPTER ONE (#u7c9a815d-989b-5ab6-9525-c91dc31b49e6)
CHAPTER TWO (#u31227a4b-4a2a-58e9-a51a-e64618312bcc)
CHAPTER THREE (#u94f6c719-97f4-554d-9373-40db4ffc1896)
CHAPTER FOUR (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER FIVE (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER SIX (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER SEVEN (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER EIGHT (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER NINE (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER TEN (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER ELEVEN (#litres_trial_promo)
EPILOGUE (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER ONE
SARAH ROSSITER loved Southern Cross.
She was never happier than when she was riding over rust-red plains on a strong and beautiful horse. She loved to look up to a cobalt-blue sky billowing above her like an enormous mainsail and to hear the thud of thousands of hooves pounding through thick creamy-gold kangaroo grass.
Most of all she loved to be on a cattle muster with Reid McKinnon, working the mob with him, steering the cattle out of the stands of black-trunked ironbarks and pushing them across the Star Valley towards the holding yards.
And yet, working with Reid was exactly what she shouldn’t be doing.
This year she’d actually made a solemn pledge to decline politely if he invited her to join in another muster. Heaven knew she had plenty of good excuses. As the sole teacher in charge of all seven year levels at Mirrabrook’s tiny primary school, she had enough on her plate without giving up precious weekends to help out with cattle.
But Reid had driven into town late one afternoon, just as she was closing up the classroom. With his thumbs hooked through the loops of his jeans, he’d hitched a lean hip against the railing of the little school’s wooden veranda and he’d flashed that shiver-gorgeous smile of his and had asked ever so casually if she would be free for a muster the following weekend. And she’d said yes.
Just like that. No hesitation. She’d looked into his silver-grey eyes and her brain had gone straight into meltdown. Again.
‘Yes, Reid, sure I can help. I’d love to.’
Fool.
Later, she’d tried to justify her weakness. She told herself that she’d only agreed to help Reid because his sister Annie was still away in Italy and his brother Kane had moved over to Lacey Downs with his new English bride, which left Southern Cross shorthanded. But she knew jolly well that Reid could manage without her. He would almost certainly be hiring contract musterers to make up the numbers.
Reid had suggested that Sarah was invaluable because she knew the country so well; she could comb the bush for stray cattle without getting lost. But that wasn’t why she’d come. Truth was, it didn’t really matter what reasons he offered, she would have agreed to help out under any circumstances. Sarah was weak as water where Reid was concerned. She had been that way for the past ten years.
Ten years. Ouch! It was so scary to think that she’d wasted a decade of her life, from the age of seventeen to twenty-seven—the years when a young woman was supposed to be at her most beautiful and alluring—waiting for Reid McKinnon to come to his senses and acknowledge that he loved her.
Although…if she was fair and completely honest, she would admit that those ten years hadn’t been a total waste of time…more like a very long, progressively steep learning curve.
But the end result was her painful realisation that what had begun as a wonderful friendship and had blossomed into a beautiful romance between herself and Reid hadn’t stood the test of time.
Something had gone wrong. Something irrevocable. Something that seemed to have hurt Reid terribly.
Whatever had happened, it was so deeply painful that he’d never been able to explain it to her, even though there had been times when she’d been certain he wanted to tell her. She hadn’t pushed him for answers because she’d sensed that challenging him would have made things worse and be distressing for them both. Her strategy had been to accept second best—Reid’s friendship instead of his love—in the hope that he just needed time.
And here she was, taking part in yet another cattle muster on Southern Cross, simply because Reid had invited her.
A sudden shout ahead caught her attention. Reid was signalling with a wave of his Akubra hat that it was time to close in on the herd and to keep them compact. This meant that the leading cattle must be within sight of the yards now.
Panicking cattle often tried to break away as they neared the gate, so it was time to forget her foolish heartache and to concentrate on the job at hand. Time for the cattle dogs to show their mettle, working extra hard as they edged the mob forward.
Reid would man the gate, while the two ringers positioned themselves on either side. Sarah’s role was to stay at the rear of the herd, ready to round up any breakaways.
Over the backs of the sea of cattle, she watched the effortless grace with which Reid dismounted, an action as natural as breathing for a man of the outback. Once he was on the ground she could only see a shoulder-high view of him—of his battered Akubra and his blue shirt straining over hard-packed muscles as he tethered his horse. Then she heard the rattle of the gate being opened.
Keeping her horse on the move, she weaved back and forth, nudging the stragglers to stay with the mob. Only when everything seemed to be proceeding smoothly did she let her thoughts roll forward to what would happen next, after this muster.
Reid would invite her up to the homestead to join him and the ringers for an evening meal. But should she accept this time as she had every other time?
It was always pleasant to stop off at the homestead to take a shower and rid herself of layers of dust before heading back into town to her own little house. And it was more than pleasant to spend a couple of hours in Reid’s company, sharing a meal and conversation, a drink or two and a laugh or three. But these days it was bittersweet torment too.
Surely she’d put herself through that kind of misery one time too many. At some point very soon she would have to—
A flash of tan to her right cut through her thoughts. A beast had turned and bolted and now others were following. And she’d been caught napping.
To Sarah’s shame her mount, Jenny, a well-trained stock horse, reacted before she did. Darn. Once again she’d let Reid McKinnon mess with her head and now her pride was at stake. No jillaroo worth her salt let cattle escape at this final stage of a muster.
Precious seconds late, she pressed her knees into Jenny’s flanks and crouched low in the saddle as the horse took off after the escapees.
More by good luck than good management she caught up with the leader before the breakaways reached the heavy timbers. Then it was a matter of thinking and acting quickly. Turning her horse in an instant, she drew on all her riding skills to change direction often and fast until at last she’d rounded them up.
To her relief the cattle gave in and trotted obediently back towards the main mob. And Sarah refused to give Reid McKinnon another moment’s thought until the last beast was fenced in.
The sun was slipping westward by the time the job was done. The ringers stayed down at the yards, making sure the cattle were calm and, as the last of the coppery light lingered, Sarah and Reid walked the four horses up to the saddling enclosure.
There they removed the saddles and washed the horses’ backs and gave them a small feed of grain. Sarah concentrated on giving the animals the very best attention and she tried hard not to take any special notice of Reid working nearby.
Tried not to watch the neat way his well-worn faded jeans hugged his behind as he bent down to examine one of the horses’ shoes. Tried not to steal glimpses of his muscular forearms or his strong tanned hands as they stroked a horse’s neck. Especially, she tried not to remember how those hands had once caressed her intimately, bringing her the piercing sweet pleasure of a lover’s touch.
No! she chastised herself. She had to get over it and get over him!
Shaking her head at her own hopelessness, she hurried to stow the saddles in the tack room. Why couldn’t she just accept that Reid wasn’t interested in her?
For him, their past had never happened; they had never been uninhibited, ecstatic, totally smitten lovers.
Under the guise of friendship, he’d continued to partner her to local balls and charity dos that raised money for the Flying Doctors, or the School of the Air. Every so often he would amble in to town to buy her a coffee at Beryl’s café, or a drink at the pub. And on odd occasions he called in at her place on the way home from a day’s fishing on the river and delivered a fish or two. He’d even filleted them and cooked them for her.
And she had been pathetically grateful for whatever crumbs of friendship he threw her way.
Problem was—and for Sarah it was a huge problem—her major stumbling block—there were other times when she was just as certain that Reid was still attracted to her—deeply.
There were times when he’d taken her home from a ball or a party and they’d said goodnight and she’d sensed a terrible tension between them. Times when Reid had looked at her—looked at her—with a breath-robbing mixture of despair and longing that was impossible to misinterpret.
But he hadn’t kissed her. He’d always covered the awkward moment with a joke and then turned quickly and hurried back to his vehicle.
Those moments had caused her too many sleepless nights.
Now, as she stepped back through the tack room doorway, Reid turned and he looked straight towards her and he seemed to freeze. He stood rock still in the middle of the yard, staring at her.
It was happening again.
That hunger in his eyes wasn’t a fantasy conjured by her overwrought imagination. The feverish heat and dark longing were real. And her poor heart felt as if it had taken off for the moon.
Deep colour stained Reid’s cheekbones. His chest rose and fell as if he’d suddenly run out of breath and his face was a mirror of the same deep yearning she felt for him.
The sight of it unleashed a terrible tumult inside her. The usual tumult. Each time this happened it trapped her afresh. Each time she hoped that this time Reid would haul her into his arms and show her with his body what he couldn’t tell her. Show her the truth…that he loved her still.
This time…
It had to happen. Had to be this time.
They couldn’t go on like this. It was hopeless.
Hopeless…
Hopeless. The hollow, desolate word echoed and clanged in her head.
Perhaps it was that empty echo or perhaps it was the effect of the afternoon sunlight, gilding Reid with a bronzed glow that made him more unbearably handsome than ever. Whatever the reason, Sarah suddenly knew that this had to be a turning point.
A man who looked at a woman with that kind of hunger should push her against a wall and kiss her for a week. He should grab her and haul her down into the hay bales in the corner of the yard. She wouldn’t allow Reid to look at her as if he wanted to make love to her and dismiss the moment with another grin, another joke.
If he did…she had no choice; she would walk away from him today and not come back. She would leave the district—apply for a transfer and take a teaching post in another part of the state. Reclaim her life.
Her heart thumped painfully as she watched him stoop to pick up his saddle. She didn’t move as he began to stride across the yard towards her and she couldn’t help running her tongue over her lips to rid them of dust.
His eyes followed the movement and hungry shadows darkened his silver irises. He drew close and she held her breath.
Just toss that saddle aside and kiss me, Reid. I’m yours. You know I’ve always been yours.
A breathless hush seemed to fall over the bush as he stopped in front of her. It was so quiet she could hear the pounding rhythm of her blood drumming in her veins.
He stopped so close in front of her that she could see the individual grains of skin on his strong jaw and the tiny pinprick beginnings of his dark beard.
This is your last chance, Reid.
Behind him, one of the horses made a soft snuffling snort.
The sound seemed to break the spell. Reid’s mouth tilted into a lopsided smile.
And Sarah’s heart sank straight through the hard-packed dirt of the horse yard.
‘You’ve got a leaf caught in your hair,’ he said, reaching with his free hand to pluck something from a dark strand that hung over her shoulder.
She closed her eyes and her chest squeezed the breath from her lungs as his hand brushed close to her cheek without quite touching. She felt the flick of his fingers against her hair and the brush of his wrist on her shoulder, but when she dared to open her eyes again he was moving past her to set the saddle inside the tack room.
She knew that when he returned the dark emotion in his eyes would be replaced by a milder light and he would be smiling easily.
But no.
When he stepped outside he paused again, standing beside her, staring with an intensity that made her tremble. She felt ill. If it didn’t happen now, it never would.
Muscles in his throat worked and he looked away. ‘We’d better go up to the homestead.’
Beside him Sarah had to reach for the door frame to steady herself. She felt so drained she couldn’t even cry.
Reid frowned. ‘You’re coming up to the house, aren’t you, Sarah?’
She tried to swallow the clump of awful emotion in her throat. ‘I don’t think I will today, thanks.’
His eyes pierced her with a sharp, searching wariness. ‘Don’t you want to sample our new cook’s fare? He’s very good.’
She shrugged in an effort to hide the storm breaking inside her. ‘I still have some marking to do and lessons to prepare for next week.’ Before she could weaken, she set off across the yard. ‘Catch you later, Reid.’
He didn’t respond.
She told herself that it was a good sign; she’d shocked him. But when she reached the gate and turned to wave goodbye she caught a glimpse of his stricken face as he stared at the ground, and his clear disappointment gave her no sense of satisfaction. None at all.
‘You’re leaving town?’ Ned Dyson, the editor of Mirrabrook’s tiny newspaper, couldn’t have looked more appalled if Sarah had announced she’d contracted smallpox.
‘I’m afraid so, Ned. I’ve applied to the Education Department for a transfer to the coast. I’m well overdue for a change, so I’m pretty confident they’ll let me go.’
Ned groaned and threw his arms into the air in a melodramatic gesture of despair. Next moment he launched himself out of his swivel chair, circuited his paper-strewn desk and came to a halt in front of Sarah. Pushing his glasses back up his ski slope nose, he stared at her as if he needed to look into her eyes before he’d believe her.
‘Do you really want to go? After all this time?’
She nodded. She was determined to go through with this. She had to.
Ned let out a noisy sigh and propped his hands on his hips. ‘The town’s going to take this hard, Sarah.’
‘I suppose they might, but that’s only because I’ve been here for too long and everyone’s so used to me.’
‘It’s more than that. We’ll never get another teacher who loves the kids the way you do.’
‘Of course you will.’
‘And what about your agony aunt column?’ Ned raked a pudgy hand over his bald patch and his eyes bulged with horror. ‘Geez, Sarah, I’ve Buckley’s chance of finding anyone who can hand out advice the way you do. You’ve got such a knack. The whole district hangs on to your every word.’
But now it’s time for me to take my own advice.
‘What I write is just common sense, Ned. You know that.’
‘But you always manage to make people feel so good about themselves—even when they’ve made stupid mistakes.’ Ned flung out his arms. ‘You’re a flaming genius. Most people around here think I hire someone from down south to answer their letters, some hotshot psychologist in the big smoke.’
‘That’s not because I’m any kind of genius; it’s because they want to believe the advice is coming from an expert. We both know they’d be devastated if they discovered the woman who taught their kids was Ask Auntie.’
‘Doesn’t matter. You’re damn good.’
Sarah dropped her gaze to avoid the pleading in Ned’s eyes. Nothing about her move away was going to be easy. For starters, she didn’t really want to go. It would be a wrench to turn her back on her little school; she would miss her seventeen pupils terribly. She loved every one of them—even the naughty ones—especially the naughty ones.
And she knew the Mirrabrook townsfolk would be sorry to lose her; she’d become so much a part of their lives, but if she was going to reclaim her life she had to make a clean break from Reid.
‘It’s time for me to go, Ned. It’s been a hard decision, but in the end I—I don’t have much choice.’
He frowned and looked as if he was waiting for an explanation. When she didn’t offer any he asked, ‘What about Reid? What’s he had to say?’
It was weird the way people who knew her well still thought of Reid as her boyfriend. In this town they were still Sarah-and-Reid—a proper courting couple who were probably going to be married some day. How could anyone miss the glaringly obvious truth?
She managed a half-hearted smile and shrugged. ‘Reid’s cool.’ Then, before Ned could comment, she rushed to ask, ‘Did you get the Ask Auntie responses I emailed through to you for this week?’
‘Yeah, thanks. I haven’t had a chance to read them yet, but I’m sure they’re okay.’ He cast an eye over the mess of papers on his desk, then grimaced and patted his paunch as if he had indigestion. ‘The paper’s circulation is going to drop when you go.’
‘Don’t panic just yet, Ned. You’ve time to think about a replacement. I won’t be going till the end of the school term.’
He brightened a little. ‘That means you’ll still be here for Annie McKinnon’s wedding?’
‘Yes.’ Flinching inwardly, Sarah forced a smile as she remembered the excited phone call she’d received a couple of months earlier from Annie in Rome. She summoned a deep, calming breath to still the awful jealousy she felt every time she thought about Annie’s wedding. Why had both Kane and Annie McKinnon taken to the idea of marriage like ducks to the Star River, while Reid…?
No, she wouldn’t waste another thought in that direction. ‘Annie’s asked me to be a bridesmaid.’
Ned grinned. ‘That’s great. You’ll be a terrific bridesmaid.’
‘I won’t be the only bridesmaid, of course. Annie has a couple of friends in Brisbane she’s asked to do the honours, too.’
Ned beamed. ‘Better and better. I’ll bet they’re good sorts.’ He rubbed his hands together as if he’d just been struck by a brilliant idea. ‘I reckon a McKinnon wedding is a big enough stir in this little valley to make the front page of the Mirrabrook Star, don’t you?’
‘I reckon it is, Ned.’ Sarah tried for another smile but couldn’t quite manage it.
Later that evening, Sarah took a pad and pencil through to her study, a converted back bedroom in her little house beside the school in Mirrabrook’s main street. It was a little old Queenslander cottage, the standard design built forty years ago by the Education Department and she’d made it her own little haven.
Over the years she’d collected a modest assortment of antiques, handicrafts and artwork, including a handmade quilt on a wall in her lounge room, North Queensland pottery vases filled with native flowers, a bed with antique brass ends covered by a white hand-crocheted bedspread, and a couple of original paintings.
Sarah loved to surround herself with beautiful things. They lifted her spirits. Most of the time.
She doubted anything would cheer her tonight. It was time to make a list of all the things she wanted to take with her when she moved.
But she’d barely started before she found herself surrounded by memories, and suddenly the task seemed much harder than it should have been. Just looking at the cork board above her desk brought painful waves of nostalgia.
Every photo, every memo or scrap of paper with lines from a song was a poignant link to a significant memory. Good grief, there was even the programme from the last Speech Night she’d attended at boarding school.
That was the night she’d met Reid. When she was just seventeen.
Reaching up now, she pulled out the drawing pin that secured the programme to the board. It had been there so long it left a rusty ring around the pinprick.
She should have taken it down ages ago of course. The fact that it was still there was a very obvious symptom of her pathetic reluctance to let go of hopeless dreams.
Bending down to toss it in the basket under her desk, she hesitated. Big mistake. In spite of her resolve to forget, memories rushed back.
And, heaven help her, she let them…Suddenly she wanted to remember it all…just one more time.
Sinking into her deep swivel chair, she let the memories come.
CHAPTER TWO
SARAH met Reid in the School Hall where everybody gathered for supper after the Speech Night presentations. Because she was School Captain and had delivered a farewell speech to her fellow students that evening, she was kept busy for ages while everyone from the local mayor to the school gardener congratulated her.
Which was all very nice, but by the time she escaped to the long trestle tables where tea and coffee and cakes were served there was nothing left. Boarding school girls were piranhas around food.
Draining a heavy teapot, she managed half a cup of cool, brewed tea and found a dubiously thin slice of very boring sponge cake, minus its icing.
‘It’s a grim turnout when the most important girl in the school can’t even find a cup of tea,’ a male voice said close behind her.
Even before she turned around she knew the speaker was smiling; she could hear it in the warmth in his voice. Just the same, when she turned to look over her shoulder she wasn’t prepared for the full effect of that smile.
Oh, wow! Talk about gorgeous!
He had to be in his mid-twenties, which immediately set him apart from the schoolboys of her acquaintance. Tall, dark and, yes, yummy looking too—he had the bronzed, outdoorsy skin and athletic physique of a man of the land. And the most wonderful, iridescent, silver-grey eyes.
The moment she looked into them Sarah felt as if she’d zoomed straight into the stratosphere. Far out! If only she wasn’t wearing her school uniform! What a bummer to meet such a scrumptious guy when she was stuck in a crummy blazer, shapeless white blouse and tie, teamed with a too-long ugly grey pleated skirt.
Not that the clothes seemed to put him off.
‘We should be able to find someone to make you a fresh pot of tea,’ he said.
She dragged her eyes from him to cast a quick glance around the supper tables. ‘I can’t see any of the kitchen staff here.’
Without hesitation he picked up one of the huge metal teapots. His eyes sparkled with merriment and she fancied she caught the ghost of a wink. ‘Let’s go and hunt them down then. Which way is the kitchen?’
She gasped—not because there was anything particularly shocking about the stranger’s suggestion, but because she was so stunned that he was obviously using the lack of tea as an excuse to chat her up. But heavens, why not let him? Here she was, on the brink of leaving school, on the eve of womanhood, and she’d just looked into his eyes and seen a glimpse of a beckoning, enticing new world.
‘The kitchen’s this way,’ she said, pointing to a doorway in the opposite wall.
Holding the teapot under one arm, he placed a hand very lightly at her elbow. ‘Let’s go then.’
‘Right.’ Feeling just a little breathless, she hurried with him across the hall, making sure she avoided the gaze of anyone else in the room. It would be too bad to be called away now by a teacher or an inquisitive girlfriend.
Once they reached the relative safety of the corridor leading to the kitchen she felt more relaxed. ‘Do you have a sister at school here?’ she asked him.
‘Yes, Annie McKinnon. Sorry, I should have introduced myself.’ He switched the teapot to his other arm and offered her his hand. ‘My name’s Reid. Reid McKinnon.’
‘Hi, Reid.’ In an effort to suppress her mounting excitement her voice came out rather husky and low. ‘Annie’s a great kid. I’m Sarah Rossiter by the way.’
‘Yes, I know. You’re the famous and fabulous School Captain. My little sister idolises you.’
‘Annie’s a bright spark. I’ve been coaching her in debating.’
‘She’s in excellent hands then. I must congratulate you on the speech you gave tonight. It was very, very good.’
‘Thank you.’ She’d been told this many times this evening, but to her annoyance she felt her cheeks heat. No doubt they were bright pink.
‘Such inspiring words of wisdom from one so young.’
She rolled her eyes at him.
He grinned. ‘I mean it, Sarah. You were very impressive.’
When they reached the kitchen, Ellen Sparks, the cook, plonked her hands on her hips and scowled at them. ‘Do they expect me to make more tea?’
Reid beat Sarah to an answer. ‘If you could manage one more pot we’d be extremely grateful.’
He seemed to have the same effect on Ellen that he’d had on Sarah. Instant charm. The cook pouted at him for less than five seconds before her resistance gave way to a cheerful smile. ‘No worries, love,’ she said, taking the pot. ‘It’ll be ready in half a tick.’
The kitchen hands scrubbing pots at the sink smirked and giggled.
Just outside the kitchen there was a small walled garden where the cook grew a few herbs. There were gardenia bushes too and white jasmine climbing a rickety trellis and a slatted timber seat where the kitchen staff liked to rest their weary legs and sneak cigarettes when they thought the teachers weren’t looking.
‘Why don’t we park ourselves out here while we’re waiting?’ Reid suggested.
Sarah could hardly believe that within scant minutes of their meeting she was sitting out here with him—in the romantic dark, beneath a starry sky and surrounded by the heady fragrance of jasmine and gardenias.
In no time at all she was telling him about herself—that she was an only child and came from a cattle property called Wirralong on the banks of the Burdekin River not far out of Charters Towers—that she played guitar, planned to become a primary school teacher and would study at university in Townsville.
And once the tea was ready Reid suggested it made sense to drink it out in the garden rather than lugging the heavy pot all the way back into the hall. Sarah hesitated, momentarily struggling against her usual tendency to worry about what others might expect of her. Were her parents or teachers looking for her?
But another glimpse into Reid’s eyes and she threw caution to the wind. They poured their cups of tea and helped themselves to milk, sugar and biscuits from the big kitchen pantry, and took their feast back outside to sit for a little longer in the starlight.
Reid told her about his own boarding school days and the year he’d spent adventuring overseas in Scotland and Europe. And he told her about his family’s property, Southern Cross, over to the north in the Star Valley.
The conversation was exceedingly proper and safe and polite, but for Sarah it was incredibly thrilling. It was more than a little flattering to receive what appeared to be sincere and rapt attention from an older, super-attractive man.
She feared he might try to crack unfunny jokes that she would have to laugh at, or that he would spoil things by getting sleazy—trying something on—but he didn’t. Not once.
‘Sarah Rossiter, is that you?’
A shrill, all too familiar voice split the night air behind them.
Startled, Sarah spun around to see the bulky shape of the Deputy Headmistress silhouetted in the light of the kitchen doorway.
Oh, crumbs. She sprang guiltily to her feet. ‘Yes, Miss Gresham.’
‘Good heavens, girl. What on earth—?’ The Deputy gasped and huffed and made a fair imitation of frothing at the mouth. ‘What are you doing out here?’
Damn. Sarah knew she was about to blacken her exemplary school record. Now, at the eleventh hour.
But, before she could stammer an inadequate reply, Reid stepped forward.
‘Miss Gresham, this is my fault. I have to confess to luring Miss Rossiter away from the hall for a well-earned cup of tea.’
‘But—but—’ the Deputy spluttered.
‘And please allow me to congratulate you on your splendid Speech Night. I know you were entirely responsible for organising it. It ran without a hitch.’
Talk about smooth. Within moments Reid had enchanted Miss Gresham the way he’d enchanted Ellen, the cook.
And, starry-eyed, Sarah tumbled heart-first in love with him.
She saw him often over the next four years, while she was at university. They wrote to each other and they got together whenever they could—during her holidays, or whenever Reid found an excuse to get away from Southern Cross and to come down to Townsville.
Every time Sarah saw him she fell a little more heavily in love. And she suspected that Reid was in love with her too. There was plenty of evidence of attraction whenever he kissed her. They didn’t make love, but things got pretty steamy at times.
She knew why they hadn’t ‘gone the whole way’. Reid told her more than once that she was talented and had so much to offer the world that he didn’t want to tie her down or hold her back. It was rubbish of course, but it didn’t matter how many times she protested, he insisted that she should be free to fully enjoy university life—which included dating other guys.
Reluctantly she accepted that there was some wisdom in this and she went out with several nice enough fellows. It was all very pleasant, but none of the other men ever measured up to Reid.
Then, in her final year, when she came home for the July break, Reid telephoned to say that he was coming over to Wirralong the next day, to visit her.
In a fever of excitement, she dressed in a new pale blue linen shirt and hipster jeans and she stood waiting on the front steps of the homestead, watching for the first cloud of dust that marked the progress of his vehicle along the bush track.
It was a beautiful day—North Queensland at its winter best—a day of high, wide blue skies and air as clear and sparkling as champagne.
When Reid drew close Sarah tore across the lawn and waited at the front gate, then swung it open for him. Through the dusty windscreen she saw the white flash of his smile. Oh, gosh. She was so smitten her insides somersaulted with excitement.
He parked beneath a tamarind tree and her heart went crazy as he climbed out. They hadn’t seen each other since Easter and now they stood grinning like kids on their first trip to the circus.
Reid seemed taller than she remembered—more gorgeous than ever. He was wearing a dark blue T-shirt and blue jeans. His dark hair probably needed cutting, but she rather liked it curling a little at the ends. He looked so, so handsome. So sexy.
‘Hi,’ he said, and his smile lit up his eyes, his whole face.
‘Hi.’
‘I’m not too late, am I? I hope I haven’t held up lunch.’
She shook her head. ‘Mum and Dad have already eaten, but I’ve packed a picnic lunch for us to take up the river.’
‘A picnic?’ He looked surprised—but pleasantly so.
‘Are you hungry?’
‘Ravenous.’
‘I’m afraid it will be a little while before we get there.’
He grinned. ‘Cancel the ravenous remark. I can easily wait.’
‘Good.’ She drew a hasty breath. ‘Everything’s ready.’
She was rather proud of the way she handled her father’s old utility truck through the difficult terrain of Anvil Gully and Retreat Creek. If Reid was impressed by her driving he didn’t say so, but he seemed relaxed.
About half an hour later they emerged on top of a high bank on the edge of the Burdekin River.
She felt a little nervous again as they got out and Reid stood beside her. Would he wonder why she’d brought him so far?
Tall, broad-shouldered, strong limbed, Reid seemed part of the rugged wild beauty of the outback. He stood with his thumbs hooked loosely through his belt, looking out at the view of the wide full river and the tall limestone cliffs that guarded it.
From up here it was like looking out from a castle keep. ‘What do you think, Reid?’
‘It’s fantastic. I’ve never seen this stretch of the river before.’
Satisfied, she turned to get the picnic things from the back of the ute, but he reached out with one hand and caught her waist, pulling her in to him. Her heart thundered wildly as he kissed her. Then he released her and smiled.
‘I’ve missed you, Sarah.’
‘Yeah, me too.’
An exquisite shiver trembled through her as he lifted a hand to touch her face, and his eyes feasted on every detail of her features. His thumb brushed her brow, her cheek, her chin.
And then she heard a soft throaty growl and his arms were around her again, hauling her closer, kissing her hungrily now. Backing up against the side of the ute, he pulled her against him so that her feet left the ground and the hard evidence of his desire jutted into her. Electrified, she wound her arms around his neck, returning his kisses as she crushed her eager body against his. A tight coil of longing wound low inside her and her breasts grew tight as heat pooled between her thighs.
Would this be the long awaited day? The day Reid stopped thinking of her as a talented girl and saw that she was a passionate woman, desperately in love?
When he let her go her face was flushed and he smiled self-consciously. ‘Hmm, I must have been hungrier than I thought. Perhaps you’d better show me this lunch of yours.’
They were both sizzling with the heady bliss of being alone together for the first time in ages. Sarah could feel the chemistry arcing between them as they spread her tartan rug in the shade of leafy green quinine trees and Burdekin plums.
She felt excited and breathlessly on edge as she unpacked thick sandwiches filled with marinated roast beef and then a macadamia pie, mandarins and grapes. A bottle of wine and two glasses.
‘This is a feast,’ Reid declared. ‘You’ve gone to a lot of trouble.’
‘Yes.’ She smiled. ‘I’m all out to impress you.’ Then, to cover her embarrassment at being so obvious, she thrust the wine bottle and a corkscrew at him. ‘Here, make yourself useful.’
While they picnicked they talked about safe topics like the cattle muster that Reid, his brother Kane and their father had just finished on Southern Cross, about beef prices and the lasting effects of the wet season.
Alone in their remote haven of wilderness, they lay, resting back on their elbows and watching rafts of black ducks, teal and pelicans drift down the river. The water was so clear that even from this high bank they were able to see the darting shadows of black bream swimming.
‘You’re lucky to have a spot as beautiful as this on your property,’ Reid told her.
‘I imagine you must have some pretty views on Southern Cross, especially from the ranges looking back across the valley.’
‘They’re not bad. You should come out to our Cathedral Cave. The view from there is stunning.’
‘I’d like that.’
When they’d eaten as much as they could, Sarah began to pack the picnic things away, but before she finished she paused and said somewhat obliquely, ‘I like Mirrabrook.’
Surprised, he stared at her.
‘I’m thinking of applying for the teaching post there next year.’ She knew Reid had been expecting her to go off to teach in one of the big city schools to the south.
He quickly swallowed a last mouthful of pie. ‘Are you sure you want to hide yourself away in a little one teacher school in the outback?’
‘I’m an outback girl, why shouldn’t I want to give something back? Too many young people are leaving the bush for the city.’
‘Yes, but—you—you’d have to deal with all those different year levels and there’d be no other teacher to help you find your feet.’
Biting her lip, she looked down at the inch of wine in her glass. Was he trying to put her off? ‘It’ll be a challenge, but I think I could handle it. I’m going to be a good teacher.’
‘I’ll just bet you are.’
She downed the wine quickly, set the glass back in the picnic basket, then looked up and saw the dark colour in Reid’s face. The strong emotion in his eyes stole her breath.
‘What are your chances of getting that post if you requested it?’ he asked.
‘Nothing’s guaranteed, but my good grades should help. Even if they don’t, I can’t imagine many people will be breaking their necks to teach in Mirrabrook.’
‘I don’t suppose so.’
Bravely she added, ‘But I am.’
‘Breaking your neck to be in Mirrabrook?’
She nodded shyly.
‘Sarah, it would be wonderful to have you close by.’
Her heart leapt in a quicksilver of joy. ‘Well…a girl can hope.’
‘And so can a guy,’ he said softly.
The look in his eyes made her skin feel too tight for her body. ‘Would you—um—like something else to eat?’
‘I’d like another taste of that delicious mouth of yours.’
‘Come and get it,’ she said softly.
A cloud of heat rose through her, making her body flame with outrageous longing. Slowly, Reid leaned towards her, supporting his weight on his hands and knees. His movements were so measured the air seemed to tremble with tension.
In a sensuous daze, Sarah let herself loll backwards till she lay on the rug. She tipped her head back and saw his face register surprise then a slow smile as he lowered his mouth over hers in an upside-down kiss.
She had never imagined anything quite so sexy. Only their mouths touched as they adjusted lips, teeth and tongues to this totally new angle. They kissed in a series of sips and nibbles and sweeping strokes of their tongues. It was fun and yet, oh man, incredibly intimate. Their hunger mounted quickly.
Reid moved from her mouth to sample her chin. With his knees near her head he leaned over her, kissing her throat, then he trailed on, down into the V of her shirt opening.
Sarah’s fingers flew to undo her buttons. This was what she had to have. Reid’s loving. She was his. Body and soul. She was madly in love with him. No other man would ever mean what he meant to her and she had never given herself this way to anyone else. She wanted to be Reid’s. Now. Always.
An astonishing kind of dark wildness overcame her. She needed him. And she felt a sense of panic that perhaps what she wanted most mightn’t happen. He might stop too soon.
Perhaps Reid sensed her need, or perhaps, because he’d been waiting as long as she had, he was desperate too. They fought to shed clothes, helped each other to be rid of anything that prevented them from being together skin to skin. Burning skin to burning skin.
Their kisses were fast, hot, hard. Their caresses became greedy, their movements almost savage, their bodies possessed by an urgency that was skyrocketing out of control.
Then, without warning, Reid pulled away, and he looked upset.
‘What?’ she whispered, fighting panic. ‘What’s the matter?’
‘This is wrong. It’s too wild.’
She felt suddenly cold. ‘I—I don’t mind.’
‘No, Sarah.’ His face was flushed. Angry? He was dragging in deep breaths as if struggling for control. ‘If we keep on like this I’ll hurt you.’
‘But I don’t want you to stop. I—I want you to make love to me.’
Propped on one elbow beside her, he lifted her dark hair away from her eyes and traced a hand down the side of her face. His eyes were heavy-lidded with desire but he smiled just a little sadly.
He nuzzled her ear. ‘Sweetheart, there’s no way I want to stop, but let’s take this a little easier. We’ve got all afternoon.’ Gently, he pressed his lips to the curve of her throat. ‘It’ll be even better slow.’ He kissed the dip above her collarbone. ‘I want this to be special for you. Have you any idea how special you are, Sarah?’
She felt tears spill on to her cheeks. ‘They’re happy tears,’ she hastened to assure him. ‘It’s just that I’ve been wanting this for so long.’
‘Darling girl, so have I.’ He gave a rueful little laugh. ‘That’s another reason why I want to take it slowly, otherwise it’ll be all over before we get properly started.’ With the pad of his thumb he wiped the hot path of her tears.
And then he began to kiss her again, slowly, lovingly, while his hands traced her skin with a feather-light touch.
Later, she knew that he’d given her a beautiful gift. Every girl deserved to be made love to for the first time the way Reid made love on that sweet afternoon, with the background hum of bees in nearby wattle and mild winter sunshine spilling through overhead tree branches.
She cried whenever she thought about it.
She was crying now, all these years later, curled up in her chair in the study, clasping the old school programme to her heart.
Oh, Reid, what went wrong?
Tears streamed down her cheeks as she thought of what had followed—that wonderful first year after she’d come to teach in Mirrabrook, when she and Reid were blissfully in love and her world had been perfect.
Throw the programme away. You’ve got to move on. You’ve got to forget.
But she couldn’t do it. Not yet. She’d throw it away at the end of term when it was time to leave. It would be easier then to get rid of everything in one fell swoop.
Without bothering to dry her damp cheeks, she picked up the drawing pin, stuck it through the hole in the paper and pinned it back on the wall. And felt guilty for being so weak.
CHAPTER THREE
WHEN Annie McKinnon came home to Southern Cross to prepare for her wedding she brought her best friend, Melissa, who would be her chief bridesmaid.
For Reid it was like a breath of fresh air to have his sister home again. He’d been rattling about Southern Cross on his own for too long and he was looking forward to having Annie dashing about, preparing for her wedding.
And he knew he would enjoy having a house full of wedding guests. This homestead was built to take a crowd.
Nevertheless, after months of solitary bachelorhood, it took a little adjusting to get used to having two excited young women chattering non-stop.
‘I wonder who wrote this?’ Melissa asked one evening soon after they arrived.
Reid looked up from the Cattlemen’s Journal he was reading. ‘Wrote what?’
She held up the latest edition of the Mirrabrook Star that had come that day with the mail drop. ‘Someone who calls herself Fed Up has sent a Dear Auntie letter to your local paper.’
‘What’s it about?’ asked Annie, who was curled on the sofa with a bridal magazine.
‘Listen,’ said Melissa. ‘I’ll read it to you.’
Reid groaned. ‘Do you have to?’
‘Of course she does, Reid.’
He should have known he’d get no sympathy from Annie. After spending several months in Italy with her fiancé his sister had changed in many ways, but she was as interested in local gossip as she’d ever been. Trying to guess which of the locals had submitted letters to the agony aunt column had always been one of her favourite pastimes.
Now she rolled her eyes at him. ‘Don’t be a spoilsport.’
Melissa looked from sister to brother, waiting for a decision.
Reid relented. ‘Oh, go on then. Read the letter if you must.’
‘Okay, this is Fed Up’s problem.’ Melissa cleared her throat. “‘I’ve been in love with a man for many years, and although I know he once had strong feelings for me, he only offers me friendship now. He’s a wonderful man and has been a very good friend, a best friend really, but I can’t remain content with friendship alone.
“He never told me why he changed his mind. As far as I know he doesn’t have another woman, but do you agree that I’m foolish to hang around year after year hoping he might fall in love with me again?”’
Melissa grinned as she looked up at them. ‘Does she really need to ask? What a loser. Anyone you know fit that description?’
Silent seconds later, Melissa frowned. ‘Annie, what’s the matter?’
Reid didn’t hear Annie’s reply. He’d jumped to his feet so quickly his chair made a sharp scrape on the polished timber floorboards. But he did hear Annie’s worried question. ‘Reid, are you okay?’
Of course he wasn’t okay. His chest was squeezing so tightly he couldn’t breathe. ‘I—I just remembered I—I forgot something.’ Ignoring his little sister’s sweet look of concern, he turned abruptly and strode out of the room and down the passage to the back veranda. Outside, he slammed the back door and sagged back against it, his heart thundering.
Sarah must have written that letter. It couldn’t be anyone else. He dragged in a deep breath, trying to calm down. Maybe it wasn’t her. She wouldn’t want to expose her problem in a public forum, would she?
But it was pointless to speculate. Deep down he knew the writer was Sarah. The poor girl had been driven to consult an agony aunt and Annie had guessed. After his pathetic reaction Melissa would probably guess too. How many others in the district would guess?
Heaving away from the door, he lurched across the veranda to the railing and stood with his hands thrust in his pockets, staring out at the horse paddock. He should have found a way to set Sarah free long before this.
Horrified, he sank on to the back step and stared out into the silent bush. Clouds drifted across a new moon, a thin fingernail of silver, and above the ragged black silhouette of gumtrees the night sky gleamed a cool gunmetal grey. Down by the creek a curlew called a long mournful lament.
And Reid wrestled with his despair.
The inevitable day had arrived. The day he’d been expecting and dreading. The day Sarah reached the end of her patience. Very soon she would want to end their friendship completely. And she had every right to do so. For her own sake, she should have done it long ago.
But, God help him, how could he bear to lose her?
To his horror, he felt his lips tremble. Tears threatened. He shook himself, trying to get a grip, but he felt as lost and wretched now as he had when this nightmare situation had first begun, when he’d been forced to abdicate his role as her lover.
It had damn near killed him to hurt the woman he loved, but in the black days after his father died everything in his world had turned upside-down. It had been the worst, the very worst time of his life—his dark night of the soul.
As he sat in the dark now, Reid wished as he’d wished so many times in the past six years that he could turn to Cob McKinnon for advice. The man had been so much more than simply his father. Reid had looked up to Cob as his hero and he’d loved him as a very special friend. They’d been best mates.
Cob had been a strong man, a tough Scot moulded even tougher by the unforgiving Australian outback. Among the cattlemen in the Star Valley he had been admired as a leader and Reid had grown up idolising him.
No one in his family had realised quite how devastated Reid was when Cob McKinnon died suddenly.
Reid had been away on a muster in the back country and when word came through that his father was gravely ill he’d made a reckless dash for home, riding hard through the night, but he’d been too late.
The worst of it had been that he couldn’t give way to the pain that ravaged him; his family had needed him to be strong. His mother had turned to him for help to organize the funeral and to deal with the solicitors and the will.
And Annie and Kane had looked to him for strength too. Although he and Kane were twins, his brother had always deferred to Reid’s leadership. And so a huge burden had seemed to fall on him at the very moment he most longed for his father’s guidance.
Somehow he had got through it.
But then, things had got worse.
One evening, about a week after his father’s funeral, his mother had found him sitting out here on this veranda.
Everything from that night was etched into Reid’s brain. He could remember each detail—the oppressive heat that had been building all day; the storm threatening but never quite breaking; the smell of his mother’s favourite tea rose oil, cloying on such a hot night; the creak of the old timber floorboards as she crossed the veranda to stand beside him.
‘Mind if I join you?’ she asked.
‘No, of course not.’ He jumped up and offered her the more comfortable squatter’s chair while he dragged a cane chair closer for himself.
Once she was settled, she said, ‘There’s something I need to explain to you, Reid.’ She paused, as if it was difficult to continue. ‘Cob was hoping to talk to you before he died. Poor man, he tried to hang on. He was most anxious to tell you this. But he—he ran out of time.’
Reid thought his father had wanted to explain how their cattle business was to be organised now—whether he and Kane would be entrusted with the running of it, or whether Cob had wanted to appoint a manager from outside the family.
But when Jessie paused again, for an even longer time, he felt a twinge of anxiety. She leaned forward, her elbows resting on her knees and her hands clasped together, her head bowed.
Good Lord, was she praying?
Alarm tightened his guts. ‘Mum, are you okay?’
‘Not really.’ She stared straight ahead. ‘Oh heavens, Reid, I’m so sorry. We should have told you this years ago.’
‘Told me what?’
He stared at her and saw the tension in her profile—her tightly drawn in mouth, her hunched body. ‘For God’s sake, Mum, what is it?’
‘It’s—about when you were born.’
The blast of shock hit him in the face as surely as if he’d received a king hit. His heart lurched painfully. Fine hairs rose on the back of his neck. What the hell was this about? His mind raced, trying to drum up possibilities, when Jessie spoke again.
She shifted uneasily. ‘I’m sure I’ve mentioned before that my sister Flora and I both lived in Mirrabrook before I was married. We worked in the bank and we had a little house in town.’
He nodded, wanting to yell at her to stop beating about the bush. Get on with it. What happened when I was born?
She sighed. ‘As you know, I fell pregnant very soon after I was married.’
‘Yeah. With twins. Kane and me.’
‘No, darling.’ Her voice was excessively careful.
Reid stared at her.
‘I wasn’t carrying twins.’
Oh, God, Mum, no.
In the moonlight her distressed face gleamed whitely. For the first time in his life he wanted to shake her.
‘What are you saying?’
As if she hadn’t heard him, or because she couldn’t stop now, Jessie hurried on. ‘Flora went away to Brisbane soon after I was married and she didn’t come back until I was almost ready to give birth. When she did, she brought a little baby with her.’
‘No.’ Reid collapsed forward, clasping his head in his hands. This was crazy, like some kind of stupid daytime soap opera. He knew what was coming as surely as if he’d written the script. Jerking his head upright again, he dragged in a huge gulping breath. ‘You’re telling me I was the baby, aren’t you?’
‘Yes, dear.’
Oh, God. His parents weren’t his parents. This was worse than anything he could have imagined. An awful sense of alienation descended. He felt cut off from the woman beside him. He stared at his hands as if he’d never seen them before. Who the hell was he?
How was a man supposed to come to grips with this kind of news. Why now? Why hadn’t Cob and Jessie told him this when he was little? Couldn’t they have fed him that stuff people dole out to adopted kids about what a special guy he was and how they picked him out because they loved him? At least he would have known all along that he wasn’t theirs.
Hell, his whole life had been a lie. As a kid he’d conned himself into thinking he looked like his father. And he and Kane had spent their whole lives thinking they were twins.
The fact that he wasn’t even a McKinnon was more than he could bear.
He rounded on Jessie. ‘Why did you leave it so damn long to tell me?’
‘We—I was worried that you would want to ask too many questions.’
‘Sure as hell I have questions. Starting with how did I end up here? With you?’ He hurled the question at her and the venom injected into ‘you’ was intentional. He was angry. Bloody angry. He wanted to lash out.
Her hand fluttered to her mouth and she pressed it against her lips as if she wished she could keep them closed for ever. ‘Poor Flora was in a terrible state, Reid, on the verge of a nervous breakdown, and she begged me to take her baby.’
Poor Flora…He didn’t want another mother. He most definitely didn’t want her to be the Aunt Flora he’d visited briefly in Scotland during his year abroad. His time with her had been uncomfortably brief and strained and he’d come away with the distinct impression that she’d resented his intrusion into her life. ‘What was the matter with poor Flora?’
Jessie’s response was a sharp intake of breath.
Reid glared at her without sympathy. ‘You’d better tell me. You’ve done enough damage keeping these choice bits of news to yourself for so long. No need to spare me now. I want the lot.’
‘You won’t like it, Reid.’
‘Don’t let that stop you.’
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Barbara Hannay
Sarah Rossiter has been in love with rugged cattle station owner Reid McKinnon for years. They'd been happy together until Reid suddenly broke things off–leaving Sarah puzzled and heartbroken.In fact, Reid had discovered something that made him swear never to be a husband or father. Now, when Sarah decides–reluctantly–to start a new life away from Star Valley, Reid knows he must act or risk losing her forever. But will she still be willing to marry him once she knows the dark secrets his family has hidden…?
Dear Readers,
Welcome to Southern Cross Ranch, a vast Australian cattle property in the Star Valley and home to Reid, Kane and Annie McKinnon.
There really is a beautiful and remote Star Valley and it’s situated to the north of Townsville, where I live. The Broken and Star Rivers flow through this district and the cattle stations there have wonderful names like Starlight, Starbright and ZigZag. However, there are no towns in the valley and although I have made Southern Cross station and the township of Mirrabrook as authentic as I can, they are entirely my creations.
I am thrilled to be bringing you three linked stories about the McKinnon family’s secrets. In The Mirrabrook Marriage, meet Sarah, who’s been secretly in love with Reid McKinnon for many years…but he harbors secrets…one of which could stand in their way of finding happiness….
Happy reading and my warmest wishes,
Family secrets, Outback marriages!
Deep in the heart of the Outback, nestled in Star Valley, is the McKinnon family cattle station. Southern Cross Station is an oasis in the harsh Outback landscape and a refuge to the McKinnon family—Kane, Reid and their sister, Annie. But it’s also full of secrets…
Kane’s story. He’s keeping a secret, but little does he know that by helping a friend he’ll also find a bride!
The Cattleman’s English Rose
Then it’s Annie’s turn. How’s a young woman supposed to find love when the nearest eligible man lives miles away? Easy, she arranges a blind date on the Internet! But her date has a secret.…
The Blind Date Surprise
And lastly, Reid. He’s about to discover a secret that will change his whole life! Luckily his childhood sweetheart has just returned back to Mirrabrook and is happy to help him to discover the mysteries of his past—and help him find love along the way.
The Mirrabrook Marriage
The Mirrabrook Marriage
Barbara Hannay
www.millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk)
CONTENTS
CHAPTER ONE (#u7c9a815d-989b-5ab6-9525-c91dc31b49e6)
CHAPTER TWO (#u31227a4b-4a2a-58e9-a51a-e64618312bcc)
CHAPTER THREE (#u94f6c719-97f4-554d-9373-40db4ffc1896)
CHAPTER FOUR (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER FIVE (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER SIX (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER SEVEN (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER EIGHT (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER NINE (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER TEN (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER ELEVEN (#litres_trial_promo)
EPILOGUE (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER ONE
SARAH ROSSITER loved Southern Cross.
She was never happier than when she was riding over rust-red plains on a strong and beautiful horse. She loved to look up to a cobalt-blue sky billowing above her like an enormous mainsail and to hear the thud of thousands of hooves pounding through thick creamy-gold kangaroo grass.
Most of all she loved to be on a cattle muster with Reid McKinnon, working the mob with him, steering the cattle out of the stands of black-trunked ironbarks and pushing them across the Star Valley towards the holding yards.
And yet, working with Reid was exactly what she shouldn’t be doing.
This year she’d actually made a solemn pledge to decline politely if he invited her to join in another muster. Heaven knew she had plenty of good excuses. As the sole teacher in charge of all seven year levels at Mirrabrook’s tiny primary school, she had enough on her plate without giving up precious weekends to help out with cattle.
But Reid had driven into town late one afternoon, just as she was closing up the classroom. With his thumbs hooked through the loops of his jeans, he’d hitched a lean hip against the railing of the little school’s wooden veranda and he’d flashed that shiver-gorgeous smile of his and had asked ever so casually if she would be free for a muster the following weekend. And she’d said yes.
Just like that. No hesitation. She’d looked into his silver-grey eyes and her brain had gone straight into meltdown. Again.
‘Yes, Reid, sure I can help. I’d love to.’
Fool.
Later, she’d tried to justify her weakness. She told herself that she’d only agreed to help Reid because his sister Annie was still away in Italy and his brother Kane had moved over to Lacey Downs with his new English bride, which left Southern Cross shorthanded. But she knew jolly well that Reid could manage without her. He would almost certainly be hiring contract musterers to make up the numbers.
Reid had suggested that Sarah was invaluable because she knew the country so well; she could comb the bush for stray cattle without getting lost. But that wasn’t why she’d come. Truth was, it didn’t really matter what reasons he offered, she would have agreed to help out under any circumstances. Sarah was weak as water where Reid was concerned. She had been that way for the past ten years.
Ten years. Ouch! It was so scary to think that she’d wasted a decade of her life, from the age of seventeen to twenty-seven—the years when a young woman was supposed to be at her most beautiful and alluring—waiting for Reid McKinnon to come to his senses and acknowledge that he loved her.
Although…if she was fair and completely honest, she would admit that those ten years hadn’t been a total waste of time…more like a very long, progressively steep learning curve.
But the end result was her painful realisation that what had begun as a wonderful friendship and had blossomed into a beautiful romance between herself and Reid hadn’t stood the test of time.
Something had gone wrong. Something irrevocable. Something that seemed to have hurt Reid terribly.
Whatever had happened, it was so deeply painful that he’d never been able to explain it to her, even though there had been times when she’d been certain he wanted to tell her. She hadn’t pushed him for answers because she’d sensed that challenging him would have made things worse and be distressing for them both. Her strategy had been to accept second best—Reid’s friendship instead of his love—in the hope that he just needed time.
And here she was, taking part in yet another cattle muster on Southern Cross, simply because Reid had invited her.
A sudden shout ahead caught her attention. Reid was signalling with a wave of his Akubra hat that it was time to close in on the herd and to keep them compact. This meant that the leading cattle must be within sight of the yards now.
Panicking cattle often tried to break away as they neared the gate, so it was time to forget her foolish heartache and to concentrate on the job at hand. Time for the cattle dogs to show their mettle, working extra hard as they edged the mob forward.
Reid would man the gate, while the two ringers positioned themselves on either side. Sarah’s role was to stay at the rear of the herd, ready to round up any breakaways.
Over the backs of the sea of cattle, she watched the effortless grace with which Reid dismounted, an action as natural as breathing for a man of the outback. Once he was on the ground she could only see a shoulder-high view of him—of his battered Akubra and his blue shirt straining over hard-packed muscles as he tethered his horse. Then she heard the rattle of the gate being opened.
Keeping her horse on the move, she weaved back and forth, nudging the stragglers to stay with the mob. Only when everything seemed to be proceeding smoothly did she let her thoughts roll forward to what would happen next, after this muster.
Reid would invite her up to the homestead to join him and the ringers for an evening meal. But should she accept this time as she had every other time?
It was always pleasant to stop off at the homestead to take a shower and rid herself of layers of dust before heading back into town to her own little house. And it was more than pleasant to spend a couple of hours in Reid’s company, sharing a meal and conversation, a drink or two and a laugh or three. But these days it was bittersweet torment too.
Surely she’d put herself through that kind of misery one time too many. At some point very soon she would have to—
A flash of tan to her right cut through her thoughts. A beast had turned and bolted and now others were following. And she’d been caught napping.
To Sarah’s shame her mount, Jenny, a well-trained stock horse, reacted before she did. Darn. Once again she’d let Reid McKinnon mess with her head and now her pride was at stake. No jillaroo worth her salt let cattle escape at this final stage of a muster.
Precious seconds late, she pressed her knees into Jenny’s flanks and crouched low in the saddle as the horse took off after the escapees.
More by good luck than good management she caught up with the leader before the breakaways reached the heavy timbers. Then it was a matter of thinking and acting quickly. Turning her horse in an instant, she drew on all her riding skills to change direction often and fast until at last she’d rounded them up.
To her relief the cattle gave in and trotted obediently back towards the main mob. And Sarah refused to give Reid McKinnon another moment’s thought until the last beast was fenced in.
The sun was slipping westward by the time the job was done. The ringers stayed down at the yards, making sure the cattle were calm and, as the last of the coppery light lingered, Sarah and Reid walked the four horses up to the saddling enclosure.
There they removed the saddles and washed the horses’ backs and gave them a small feed of grain. Sarah concentrated on giving the animals the very best attention and she tried hard not to take any special notice of Reid working nearby.
Tried not to watch the neat way his well-worn faded jeans hugged his behind as he bent down to examine one of the horses’ shoes. Tried not to steal glimpses of his muscular forearms or his strong tanned hands as they stroked a horse’s neck. Especially, she tried not to remember how those hands had once caressed her intimately, bringing her the piercing sweet pleasure of a lover’s touch.
No! she chastised herself. She had to get over it and get over him!
Shaking her head at her own hopelessness, she hurried to stow the saddles in the tack room. Why couldn’t she just accept that Reid wasn’t interested in her?
For him, their past had never happened; they had never been uninhibited, ecstatic, totally smitten lovers.
Under the guise of friendship, he’d continued to partner her to local balls and charity dos that raised money for the Flying Doctors, or the School of the Air. Every so often he would amble in to town to buy her a coffee at Beryl’s café, or a drink at the pub. And on odd occasions he called in at her place on the way home from a day’s fishing on the river and delivered a fish or two. He’d even filleted them and cooked them for her.
And she had been pathetically grateful for whatever crumbs of friendship he threw her way.
Problem was—and for Sarah it was a huge problem—her major stumbling block—there were other times when she was just as certain that Reid was still attracted to her—deeply.
There were times when he’d taken her home from a ball or a party and they’d said goodnight and she’d sensed a terrible tension between them. Times when Reid had looked at her—looked at her—with a breath-robbing mixture of despair and longing that was impossible to misinterpret.
But he hadn’t kissed her. He’d always covered the awkward moment with a joke and then turned quickly and hurried back to his vehicle.
Those moments had caused her too many sleepless nights.
Now, as she stepped back through the tack room doorway, Reid turned and he looked straight towards her and he seemed to freeze. He stood rock still in the middle of the yard, staring at her.
It was happening again.
That hunger in his eyes wasn’t a fantasy conjured by her overwrought imagination. The feverish heat and dark longing were real. And her poor heart felt as if it had taken off for the moon.
Deep colour stained Reid’s cheekbones. His chest rose and fell as if he’d suddenly run out of breath and his face was a mirror of the same deep yearning she felt for him.
The sight of it unleashed a terrible tumult inside her. The usual tumult. Each time this happened it trapped her afresh. Each time she hoped that this time Reid would haul her into his arms and show her with his body what he couldn’t tell her. Show her the truth…that he loved her still.
This time…
It had to happen. Had to be this time.
They couldn’t go on like this. It was hopeless.
Hopeless…
Hopeless. The hollow, desolate word echoed and clanged in her head.
Perhaps it was that empty echo or perhaps it was the effect of the afternoon sunlight, gilding Reid with a bronzed glow that made him more unbearably handsome than ever. Whatever the reason, Sarah suddenly knew that this had to be a turning point.
A man who looked at a woman with that kind of hunger should push her against a wall and kiss her for a week. He should grab her and haul her down into the hay bales in the corner of the yard. She wouldn’t allow Reid to look at her as if he wanted to make love to her and dismiss the moment with another grin, another joke.
If he did…she had no choice; she would walk away from him today and not come back. She would leave the district—apply for a transfer and take a teaching post in another part of the state. Reclaim her life.
Her heart thumped painfully as she watched him stoop to pick up his saddle. She didn’t move as he began to stride across the yard towards her and she couldn’t help running her tongue over her lips to rid them of dust.
His eyes followed the movement and hungry shadows darkened his silver irises. He drew close and she held her breath.
Just toss that saddle aside and kiss me, Reid. I’m yours. You know I’ve always been yours.
A breathless hush seemed to fall over the bush as he stopped in front of her. It was so quiet she could hear the pounding rhythm of her blood drumming in her veins.
He stopped so close in front of her that she could see the individual grains of skin on his strong jaw and the tiny pinprick beginnings of his dark beard.
This is your last chance, Reid.
Behind him, one of the horses made a soft snuffling snort.
The sound seemed to break the spell. Reid’s mouth tilted into a lopsided smile.
And Sarah’s heart sank straight through the hard-packed dirt of the horse yard.
‘You’ve got a leaf caught in your hair,’ he said, reaching with his free hand to pluck something from a dark strand that hung over her shoulder.
She closed her eyes and her chest squeezed the breath from her lungs as his hand brushed close to her cheek without quite touching. She felt the flick of his fingers against her hair and the brush of his wrist on her shoulder, but when she dared to open her eyes again he was moving past her to set the saddle inside the tack room.
She knew that when he returned the dark emotion in his eyes would be replaced by a milder light and he would be smiling easily.
But no.
When he stepped outside he paused again, standing beside her, staring with an intensity that made her tremble. She felt ill. If it didn’t happen now, it never would.
Muscles in his throat worked and he looked away. ‘We’d better go up to the homestead.’
Beside him Sarah had to reach for the door frame to steady herself. She felt so drained she couldn’t even cry.
Reid frowned. ‘You’re coming up to the house, aren’t you, Sarah?’
She tried to swallow the clump of awful emotion in her throat. ‘I don’t think I will today, thanks.’
His eyes pierced her with a sharp, searching wariness. ‘Don’t you want to sample our new cook’s fare? He’s very good.’
She shrugged in an effort to hide the storm breaking inside her. ‘I still have some marking to do and lessons to prepare for next week.’ Before she could weaken, she set off across the yard. ‘Catch you later, Reid.’
He didn’t respond.
She told herself that it was a good sign; she’d shocked him. But when she reached the gate and turned to wave goodbye she caught a glimpse of his stricken face as he stared at the ground, and his clear disappointment gave her no sense of satisfaction. None at all.
‘You’re leaving town?’ Ned Dyson, the editor of Mirrabrook’s tiny newspaper, couldn’t have looked more appalled if Sarah had announced she’d contracted smallpox.
‘I’m afraid so, Ned. I’ve applied to the Education Department for a transfer to the coast. I’m well overdue for a change, so I’m pretty confident they’ll let me go.’
Ned groaned and threw his arms into the air in a melodramatic gesture of despair. Next moment he launched himself out of his swivel chair, circuited his paper-strewn desk and came to a halt in front of Sarah. Pushing his glasses back up his ski slope nose, he stared at her as if he needed to look into her eyes before he’d believe her.
‘Do you really want to go? After all this time?’
She nodded. She was determined to go through with this. She had to.
Ned let out a noisy sigh and propped his hands on his hips. ‘The town’s going to take this hard, Sarah.’
‘I suppose they might, but that’s only because I’ve been here for too long and everyone’s so used to me.’
‘It’s more than that. We’ll never get another teacher who loves the kids the way you do.’
‘Of course you will.’
‘And what about your agony aunt column?’ Ned raked a pudgy hand over his bald patch and his eyes bulged with horror. ‘Geez, Sarah, I’ve Buckley’s chance of finding anyone who can hand out advice the way you do. You’ve got such a knack. The whole district hangs on to your every word.’
But now it’s time for me to take my own advice.
‘What I write is just common sense, Ned. You know that.’
‘But you always manage to make people feel so good about themselves—even when they’ve made stupid mistakes.’ Ned flung out his arms. ‘You’re a flaming genius. Most people around here think I hire someone from down south to answer their letters, some hotshot psychologist in the big smoke.’
‘That’s not because I’m any kind of genius; it’s because they want to believe the advice is coming from an expert. We both know they’d be devastated if they discovered the woman who taught their kids was Ask Auntie.’
‘Doesn’t matter. You’re damn good.’
Sarah dropped her gaze to avoid the pleading in Ned’s eyes. Nothing about her move away was going to be easy. For starters, she didn’t really want to go. It would be a wrench to turn her back on her little school; she would miss her seventeen pupils terribly. She loved every one of them—even the naughty ones—especially the naughty ones.
And she knew the Mirrabrook townsfolk would be sorry to lose her; she’d become so much a part of their lives, but if she was going to reclaim her life she had to make a clean break from Reid.
‘It’s time for me to go, Ned. It’s been a hard decision, but in the end I—I don’t have much choice.’
He frowned and looked as if he was waiting for an explanation. When she didn’t offer any he asked, ‘What about Reid? What’s he had to say?’
It was weird the way people who knew her well still thought of Reid as her boyfriend. In this town they were still Sarah-and-Reid—a proper courting couple who were probably going to be married some day. How could anyone miss the glaringly obvious truth?
She managed a half-hearted smile and shrugged. ‘Reid’s cool.’ Then, before Ned could comment, she rushed to ask, ‘Did you get the Ask Auntie responses I emailed through to you for this week?’
‘Yeah, thanks. I haven’t had a chance to read them yet, but I’m sure they’re okay.’ He cast an eye over the mess of papers on his desk, then grimaced and patted his paunch as if he had indigestion. ‘The paper’s circulation is going to drop when you go.’
‘Don’t panic just yet, Ned. You’ve time to think about a replacement. I won’t be going till the end of the school term.’
He brightened a little. ‘That means you’ll still be here for Annie McKinnon’s wedding?’
‘Yes.’ Flinching inwardly, Sarah forced a smile as she remembered the excited phone call she’d received a couple of months earlier from Annie in Rome. She summoned a deep, calming breath to still the awful jealousy she felt every time she thought about Annie’s wedding. Why had both Kane and Annie McKinnon taken to the idea of marriage like ducks to the Star River, while Reid…?
No, she wouldn’t waste another thought in that direction. ‘Annie’s asked me to be a bridesmaid.’
Ned grinned. ‘That’s great. You’ll be a terrific bridesmaid.’
‘I won’t be the only bridesmaid, of course. Annie has a couple of friends in Brisbane she’s asked to do the honours, too.’
Ned beamed. ‘Better and better. I’ll bet they’re good sorts.’ He rubbed his hands together as if he’d just been struck by a brilliant idea. ‘I reckon a McKinnon wedding is a big enough stir in this little valley to make the front page of the Mirrabrook Star, don’t you?’
‘I reckon it is, Ned.’ Sarah tried for another smile but couldn’t quite manage it.
Later that evening, Sarah took a pad and pencil through to her study, a converted back bedroom in her little house beside the school in Mirrabrook’s main street. It was a little old Queenslander cottage, the standard design built forty years ago by the Education Department and she’d made it her own little haven.
Over the years she’d collected a modest assortment of antiques, handicrafts and artwork, including a handmade quilt on a wall in her lounge room, North Queensland pottery vases filled with native flowers, a bed with antique brass ends covered by a white hand-crocheted bedspread, and a couple of original paintings.
Sarah loved to surround herself with beautiful things. They lifted her spirits. Most of the time.
She doubted anything would cheer her tonight. It was time to make a list of all the things she wanted to take with her when she moved.
But she’d barely started before she found herself surrounded by memories, and suddenly the task seemed much harder than it should have been. Just looking at the cork board above her desk brought painful waves of nostalgia.
Every photo, every memo or scrap of paper with lines from a song was a poignant link to a significant memory. Good grief, there was even the programme from the last Speech Night she’d attended at boarding school.
That was the night she’d met Reid. When she was just seventeen.
Reaching up now, she pulled out the drawing pin that secured the programme to the board. It had been there so long it left a rusty ring around the pinprick.
She should have taken it down ages ago of course. The fact that it was still there was a very obvious symptom of her pathetic reluctance to let go of hopeless dreams.
Bending down to toss it in the basket under her desk, she hesitated. Big mistake. In spite of her resolve to forget, memories rushed back.
And, heaven help her, she let them…Suddenly she wanted to remember it all…just one more time.
Sinking into her deep swivel chair, she let the memories come.
CHAPTER TWO
SARAH met Reid in the School Hall where everybody gathered for supper after the Speech Night presentations. Because she was School Captain and had delivered a farewell speech to her fellow students that evening, she was kept busy for ages while everyone from the local mayor to the school gardener congratulated her.
Which was all very nice, but by the time she escaped to the long trestle tables where tea and coffee and cakes were served there was nothing left. Boarding school girls were piranhas around food.
Draining a heavy teapot, she managed half a cup of cool, brewed tea and found a dubiously thin slice of very boring sponge cake, minus its icing.
‘It’s a grim turnout when the most important girl in the school can’t even find a cup of tea,’ a male voice said close behind her.
Even before she turned around she knew the speaker was smiling; she could hear it in the warmth in his voice. Just the same, when she turned to look over her shoulder she wasn’t prepared for the full effect of that smile.
Oh, wow! Talk about gorgeous!
He had to be in his mid-twenties, which immediately set him apart from the schoolboys of her acquaintance. Tall, dark and, yes, yummy looking too—he had the bronzed, outdoorsy skin and athletic physique of a man of the land. And the most wonderful, iridescent, silver-grey eyes.
The moment she looked into them Sarah felt as if she’d zoomed straight into the stratosphere. Far out! If only she wasn’t wearing her school uniform! What a bummer to meet such a scrumptious guy when she was stuck in a crummy blazer, shapeless white blouse and tie, teamed with a too-long ugly grey pleated skirt.
Not that the clothes seemed to put him off.
‘We should be able to find someone to make you a fresh pot of tea,’ he said.
She dragged her eyes from him to cast a quick glance around the supper tables. ‘I can’t see any of the kitchen staff here.’
Without hesitation he picked up one of the huge metal teapots. His eyes sparkled with merriment and she fancied she caught the ghost of a wink. ‘Let’s go and hunt them down then. Which way is the kitchen?’
She gasped—not because there was anything particularly shocking about the stranger’s suggestion, but because she was so stunned that he was obviously using the lack of tea as an excuse to chat her up. But heavens, why not let him? Here she was, on the brink of leaving school, on the eve of womanhood, and she’d just looked into his eyes and seen a glimpse of a beckoning, enticing new world.
‘The kitchen’s this way,’ she said, pointing to a doorway in the opposite wall.
Holding the teapot under one arm, he placed a hand very lightly at her elbow. ‘Let’s go then.’
‘Right.’ Feeling just a little breathless, she hurried with him across the hall, making sure she avoided the gaze of anyone else in the room. It would be too bad to be called away now by a teacher or an inquisitive girlfriend.
Once they reached the relative safety of the corridor leading to the kitchen she felt more relaxed. ‘Do you have a sister at school here?’ she asked him.
‘Yes, Annie McKinnon. Sorry, I should have introduced myself.’ He switched the teapot to his other arm and offered her his hand. ‘My name’s Reid. Reid McKinnon.’
‘Hi, Reid.’ In an effort to suppress her mounting excitement her voice came out rather husky and low. ‘Annie’s a great kid. I’m Sarah Rossiter by the way.’
‘Yes, I know. You’re the famous and fabulous School Captain. My little sister idolises you.’
‘Annie’s a bright spark. I’ve been coaching her in debating.’
‘She’s in excellent hands then. I must congratulate you on the speech you gave tonight. It was very, very good.’
‘Thank you.’ She’d been told this many times this evening, but to her annoyance she felt her cheeks heat. No doubt they were bright pink.
‘Such inspiring words of wisdom from one so young.’
She rolled her eyes at him.
He grinned. ‘I mean it, Sarah. You were very impressive.’
When they reached the kitchen, Ellen Sparks, the cook, plonked her hands on her hips and scowled at them. ‘Do they expect me to make more tea?’
Reid beat Sarah to an answer. ‘If you could manage one more pot we’d be extremely grateful.’
He seemed to have the same effect on Ellen that he’d had on Sarah. Instant charm. The cook pouted at him for less than five seconds before her resistance gave way to a cheerful smile. ‘No worries, love,’ she said, taking the pot. ‘It’ll be ready in half a tick.’
The kitchen hands scrubbing pots at the sink smirked and giggled.
Just outside the kitchen there was a small walled garden where the cook grew a few herbs. There were gardenia bushes too and white jasmine climbing a rickety trellis and a slatted timber seat where the kitchen staff liked to rest their weary legs and sneak cigarettes when they thought the teachers weren’t looking.
‘Why don’t we park ourselves out here while we’re waiting?’ Reid suggested.
Sarah could hardly believe that within scant minutes of their meeting she was sitting out here with him—in the romantic dark, beneath a starry sky and surrounded by the heady fragrance of jasmine and gardenias.
In no time at all she was telling him about herself—that she was an only child and came from a cattle property called Wirralong on the banks of the Burdekin River not far out of Charters Towers—that she played guitar, planned to become a primary school teacher and would study at university in Townsville.
And once the tea was ready Reid suggested it made sense to drink it out in the garden rather than lugging the heavy pot all the way back into the hall. Sarah hesitated, momentarily struggling against her usual tendency to worry about what others might expect of her. Were her parents or teachers looking for her?
But another glimpse into Reid’s eyes and she threw caution to the wind. They poured their cups of tea and helped themselves to milk, sugar and biscuits from the big kitchen pantry, and took their feast back outside to sit for a little longer in the starlight.
Reid told her about his own boarding school days and the year he’d spent adventuring overseas in Scotland and Europe. And he told her about his family’s property, Southern Cross, over to the north in the Star Valley.
The conversation was exceedingly proper and safe and polite, but for Sarah it was incredibly thrilling. It was more than a little flattering to receive what appeared to be sincere and rapt attention from an older, super-attractive man.
She feared he might try to crack unfunny jokes that she would have to laugh at, or that he would spoil things by getting sleazy—trying something on—but he didn’t. Not once.
‘Sarah Rossiter, is that you?’
A shrill, all too familiar voice split the night air behind them.
Startled, Sarah spun around to see the bulky shape of the Deputy Headmistress silhouetted in the light of the kitchen doorway.
Oh, crumbs. She sprang guiltily to her feet. ‘Yes, Miss Gresham.’
‘Good heavens, girl. What on earth—?’ The Deputy gasped and huffed and made a fair imitation of frothing at the mouth. ‘What are you doing out here?’
Damn. Sarah knew she was about to blacken her exemplary school record. Now, at the eleventh hour.
But, before she could stammer an inadequate reply, Reid stepped forward.
‘Miss Gresham, this is my fault. I have to confess to luring Miss Rossiter away from the hall for a well-earned cup of tea.’
‘But—but—’ the Deputy spluttered.
‘And please allow me to congratulate you on your splendid Speech Night. I know you were entirely responsible for organising it. It ran without a hitch.’
Talk about smooth. Within moments Reid had enchanted Miss Gresham the way he’d enchanted Ellen, the cook.
And, starry-eyed, Sarah tumbled heart-first in love with him.
She saw him often over the next four years, while she was at university. They wrote to each other and they got together whenever they could—during her holidays, or whenever Reid found an excuse to get away from Southern Cross and to come down to Townsville.
Every time Sarah saw him she fell a little more heavily in love. And she suspected that Reid was in love with her too. There was plenty of evidence of attraction whenever he kissed her. They didn’t make love, but things got pretty steamy at times.
She knew why they hadn’t ‘gone the whole way’. Reid told her more than once that she was talented and had so much to offer the world that he didn’t want to tie her down or hold her back. It was rubbish of course, but it didn’t matter how many times she protested, he insisted that she should be free to fully enjoy university life—which included dating other guys.
Reluctantly she accepted that there was some wisdom in this and she went out with several nice enough fellows. It was all very pleasant, but none of the other men ever measured up to Reid.
Then, in her final year, when she came home for the July break, Reid telephoned to say that he was coming over to Wirralong the next day, to visit her.
In a fever of excitement, she dressed in a new pale blue linen shirt and hipster jeans and she stood waiting on the front steps of the homestead, watching for the first cloud of dust that marked the progress of his vehicle along the bush track.
It was a beautiful day—North Queensland at its winter best—a day of high, wide blue skies and air as clear and sparkling as champagne.
When Reid drew close Sarah tore across the lawn and waited at the front gate, then swung it open for him. Through the dusty windscreen she saw the white flash of his smile. Oh, gosh. She was so smitten her insides somersaulted with excitement.
He parked beneath a tamarind tree and her heart went crazy as he climbed out. They hadn’t seen each other since Easter and now they stood grinning like kids on their first trip to the circus.
Reid seemed taller than she remembered—more gorgeous than ever. He was wearing a dark blue T-shirt and blue jeans. His dark hair probably needed cutting, but she rather liked it curling a little at the ends. He looked so, so handsome. So sexy.
‘Hi,’ he said, and his smile lit up his eyes, his whole face.
‘Hi.’
‘I’m not too late, am I? I hope I haven’t held up lunch.’
She shook her head. ‘Mum and Dad have already eaten, but I’ve packed a picnic lunch for us to take up the river.’
‘A picnic?’ He looked surprised—but pleasantly so.
‘Are you hungry?’
‘Ravenous.’
‘I’m afraid it will be a little while before we get there.’
He grinned. ‘Cancel the ravenous remark. I can easily wait.’
‘Good.’ She drew a hasty breath. ‘Everything’s ready.’
She was rather proud of the way she handled her father’s old utility truck through the difficult terrain of Anvil Gully and Retreat Creek. If Reid was impressed by her driving he didn’t say so, but he seemed relaxed.
About half an hour later they emerged on top of a high bank on the edge of the Burdekin River.
She felt a little nervous again as they got out and Reid stood beside her. Would he wonder why she’d brought him so far?
Tall, broad-shouldered, strong limbed, Reid seemed part of the rugged wild beauty of the outback. He stood with his thumbs hooked loosely through his belt, looking out at the view of the wide full river and the tall limestone cliffs that guarded it.
From up here it was like looking out from a castle keep. ‘What do you think, Reid?’
‘It’s fantastic. I’ve never seen this stretch of the river before.’
Satisfied, she turned to get the picnic things from the back of the ute, but he reached out with one hand and caught her waist, pulling her in to him. Her heart thundered wildly as he kissed her. Then he released her and smiled.
‘I’ve missed you, Sarah.’
‘Yeah, me too.’
An exquisite shiver trembled through her as he lifted a hand to touch her face, and his eyes feasted on every detail of her features. His thumb brushed her brow, her cheek, her chin.
And then she heard a soft throaty growl and his arms were around her again, hauling her closer, kissing her hungrily now. Backing up against the side of the ute, he pulled her against him so that her feet left the ground and the hard evidence of his desire jutted into her. Electrified, she wound her arms around his neck, returning his kisses as she crushed her eager body against his. A tight coil of longing wound low inside her and her breasts grew tight as heat pooled between her thighs.
Would this be the long awaited day? The day Reid stopped thinking of her as a talented girl and saw that she was a passionate woman, desperately in love?
When he let her go her face was flushed and he smiled self-consciously. ‘Hmm, I must have been hungrier than I thought. Perhaps you’d better show me this lunch of yours.’
They were both sizzling with the heady bliss of being alone together for the first time in ages. Sarah could feel the chemistry arcing between them as they spread her tartan rug in the shade of leafy green quinine trees and Burdekin plums.
She felt excited and breathlessly on edge as she unpacked thick sandwiches filled with marinated roast beef and then a macadamia pie, mandarins and grapes. A bottle of wine and two glasses.
‘This is a feast,’ Reid declared. ‘You’ve gone to a lot of trouble.’
‘Yes.’ She smiled. ‘I’m all out to impress you.’ Then, to cover her embarrassment at being so obvious, she thrust the wine bottle and a corkscrew at him. ‘Here, make yourself useful.’
While they picnicked they talked about safe topics like the cattle muster that Reid, his brother Kane and their father had just finished on Southern Cross, about beef prices and the lasting effects of the wet season.
Alone in their remote haven of wilderness, they lay, resting back on their elbows and watching rafts of black ducks, teal and pelicans drift down the river. The water was so clear that even from this high bank they were able to see the darting shadows of black bream swimming.
‘You’re lucky to have a spot as beautiful as this on your property,’ Reid told her.
‘I imagine you must have some pretty views on Southern Cross, especially from the ranges looking back across the valley.’
‘They’re not bad. You should come out to our Cathedral Cave. The view from there is stunning.’
‘I’d like that.’
When they’d eaten as much as they could, Sarah began to pack the picnic things away, but before she finished she paused and said somewhat obliquely, ‘I like Mirrabrook.’
Surprised, he stared at her.
‘I’m thinking of applying for the teaching post there next year.’ She knew Reid had been expecting her to go off to teach in one of the big city schools to the south.
He quickly swallowed a last mouthful of pie. ‘Are you sure you want to hide yourself away in a little one teacher school in the outback?’
‘I’m an outback girl, why shouldn’t I want to give something back? Too many young people are leaving the bush for the city.’
‘Yes, but—you—you’d have to deal with all those different year levels and there’d be no other teacher to help you find your feet.’
Biting her lip, she looked down at the inch of wine in her glass. Was he trying to put her off? ‘It’ll be a challenge, but I think I could handle it. I’m going to be a good teacher.’
‘I’ll just bet you are.’
She downed the wine quickly, set the glass back in the picnic basket, then looked up and saw the dark colour in Reid’s face. The strong emotion in his eyes stole her breath.
‘What are your chances of getting that post if you requested it?’ he asked.
‘Nothing’s guaranteed, but my good grades should help. Even if they don’t, I can’t imagine many people will be breaking their necks to teach in Mirrabrook.’
‘I don’t suppose so.’
Bravely she added, ‘But I am.’
‘Breaking your neck to be in Mirrabrook?’
She nodded shyly.
‘Sarah, it would be wonderful to have you close by.’
Her heart leapt in a quicksilver of joy. ‘Well…a girl can hope.’
‘And so can a guy,’ he said softly.
The look in his eyes made her skin feel too tight for her body. ‘Would you—um—like something else to eat?’
‘I’d like another taste of that delicious mouth of yours.’
‘Come and get it,’ she said softly.
A cloud of heat rose through her, making her body flame with outrageous longing. Slowly, Reid leaned towards her, supporting his weight on his hands and knees. His movements were so measured the air seemed to tremble with tension.
In a sensuous daze, Sarah let herself loll backwards till she lay on the rug. She tipped her head back and saw his face register surprise then a slow smile as he lowered his mouth over hers in an upside-down kiss.
She had never imagined anything quite so sexy. Only their mouths touched as they adjusted lips, teeth and tongues to this totally new angle. They kissed in a series of sips and nibbles and sweeping strokes of their tongues. It was fun and yet, oh man, incredibly intimate. Their hunger mounted quickly.
Reid moved from her mouth to sample her chin. With his knees near her head he leaned over her, kissing her throat, then he trailed on, down into the V of her shirt opening.
Sarah’s fingers flew to undo her buttons. This was what she had to have. Reid’s loving. She was his. Body and soul. She was madly in love with him. No other man would ever mean what he meant to her and she had never given herself this way to anyone else. She wanted to be Reid’s. Now. Always.
An astonishing kind of dark wildness overcame her. She needed him. And she felt a sense of panic that perhaps what she wanted most mightn’t happen. He might stop too soon.
Perhaps Reid sensed her need, or perhaps, because he’d been waiting as long as she had, he was desperate too. They fought to shed clothes, helped each other to be rid of anything that prevented them from being together skin to skin. Burning skin to burning skin.
Their kisses were fast, hot, hard. Their caresses became greedy, their movements almost savage, their bodies possessed by an urgency that was skyrocketing out of control.
Then, without warning, Reid pulled away, and he looked upset.
‘What?’ she whispered, fighting panic. ‘What’s the matter?’
‘This is wrong. It’s too wild.’
She felt suddenly cold. ‘I—I don’t mind.’
‘No, Sarah.’ His face was flushed. Angry? He was dragging in deep breaths as if struggling for control. ‘If we keep on like this I’ll hurt you.’
‘But I don’t want you to stop. I—I want you to make love to me.’
Propped on one elbow beside her, he lifted her dark hair away from her eyes and traced a hand down the side of her face. His eyes were heavy-lidded with desire but he smiled just a little sadly.
He nuzzled her ear. ‘Sweetheart, there’s no way I want to stop, but let’s take this a little easier. We’ve got all afternoon.’ Gently, he pressed his lips to the curve of her throat. ‘It’ll be even better slow.’ He kissed the dip above her collarbone. ‘I want this to be special for you. Have you any idea how special you are, Sarah?’
She felt tears spill on to her cheeks. ‘They’re happy tears,’ she hastened to assure him. ‘It’s just that I’ve been wanting this for so long.’
‘Darling girl, so have I.’ He gave a rueful little laugh. ‘That’s another reason why I want to take it slowly, otherwise it’ll be all over before we get properly started.’ With the pad of his thumb he wiped the hot path of her tears.
And then he began to kiss her again, slowly, lovingly, while his hands traced her skin with a feather-light touch.
Later, she knew that he’d given her a beautiful gift. Every girl deserved to be made love to for the first time the way Reid made love on that sweet afternoon, with the background hum of bees in nearby wattle and mild winter sunshine spilling through overhead tree branches.
She cried whenever she thought about it.
She was crying now, all these years later, curled up in her chair in the study, clasping the old school programme to her heart.
Oh, Reid, what went wrong?
Tears streamed down her cheeks as she thought of what had followed—that wonderful first year after she’d come to teach in Mirrabrook, when she and Reid were blissfully in love and her world had been perfect.
Throw the programme away. You’ve got to move on. You’ve got to forget.
But she couldn’t do it. Not yet. She’d throw it away at the end of term when it was time to leave. It would be easier then to get rid of everything in one fell swoop.
Without bothering to dry her damp cheeks, she picked up the drawing pin, stuck it through the hole in the paper and pinned it back on the wall. And felt guilty for being so weak.
CHAPTER THREE
WHEN Annie McKinnon came home to Southern Cross to prepare for her wedding she brought her best friend, Melissa, who would be her chief bridesmaid.
For Reid it was like a breath of fresh air to have his sister home again. He’d been rattling about Southern Cross on his own for too long and he was looking forward to having Annie dashing about, preparing for her wedding.
And he knew he would enjoy having a house full of wedding guests. This homestead was built to take a crowd.
Nevertheless, after months of solitary bachelorhood, it took a little adjusting to get used to having two excited young women chattering non-stop.
‘I wonder who wrote this?’ Melissa asked one evening soon after they arrived.
Reid looked up from the Cattlemen’s Journal he was reading. ‘Wrote what?’
She held up the latest edition of the Mirrabrook Star that had come that day with the mail drop. ‘Someone who calls herself Fed Up has sent a Dear Auntie letter to your local paper.’
‘What’s it about?’ asked Annie, who was curled on the sofa with a bridal magazine.
‘Listen,’ said Melissa. ‘I’ll read it to you.’
Reid groaned. ‘Do you have to?’
‘Of course she does, Reid.’
He should have known he’d get no sympathy from Annie. After spending several months in Italy with her fiancé his sister had changed in many ways, but she was as interested in local gossip as she’d ever been. Trying to guess which of the locals had submitted letters to the agony aunt column had always been one of her favourite pastimes.
Now she rolled her eyes at him. ‘Don’t be a spoilsport.’
Melissa looked from sister to brother, waiting for a decision.
Reid relented. ‘Oh, go on then. Read the letter if you must.’
‘Okay, this is Fed Up’s problem.’ Melissa cleared her throat. “‘I’ve been in love with a man for many years, and although I know he once had strong feelings for me, he only offers me friendship now. He’s a wonderful man and has been a very good friend, a best friend really, but I can’t remain content with friendship alone.
“He never told me why he changed his mind. As far as I know he doesn’t have another woman, but do you agree that I’m foolish to hang around year after year hoping he might fall in love with me again?”’
Melissa grinned as she looked up at them. ‘Does she really need to ask? What a loser. Anyone you know fit that description?’
Silent seconds later, Melissa frowned. ‘Annie, what’s the matter?’
Reid didn’t hear Annie’s reply. He’d jumped to his feet so quickly his chair made a sharp scrape on the polished timber floorboards. But he did hear Annie’s worried question. ‘Reid, are you okay?’
Of course he wasn’t okay. His chest was squeezing so tightly he couldn’t breathe. ‘I—I just remembered I—I forgot something.’ Ignoring his little sister’s sweet look of concern, he turned abruptly and strode out of the room and down the passage to the back veranda. Outside, he slammed the back door and sagged back against it, his heart thundering.
Sarah must have written that letter. It couldn’t be anyone else. He dragged in a deep breath, trying to calm down. Maybe it wasn’t her. She wouldn’t want to expose her problem in a public forum, would she?
But it was pointless to speculate. Deep down he knew the writer was Sarah. The poor girl had been driven to consult an agony aunt and Annie had guessed. After his pathetic reaction Melissa would probably guess too. How many others in the district would guess?
Heaving away from the door, he lurched across the veranda to the railing and stood with his hands thrust in his pockets, staring out at the horse paddock. He should have found a way to set Sarah free long before this.
Horrified, he sank on to the back step and stared out into the silent bush. Clouds drifted across a new moon, a thin fingernail of silver, and above the ragged black silhouette of gumtrees the night sky gleamed a cool gunmetal grey. Down by the creek a curlew called a long mournful lament.
And Reid wrestled with his despair.
The inevitable day had arrived. The day he’d been expecting and dreading. The day Sarah reached the end of her patience. Very soon she would want to end their friendship completely. And she had every right to do so. For her own sake, she should have done it long ago.
But, God help him, how could he bear to lose her?
To his horror, he felt his lips tremble. Tears threatened. He shook himself, trying to get a grip, but he felt as lost and wretched now as he had when this nightmare situation had first begun, when he’d been forced to abdicate his role as her lover.
It had damn near killed him to hurt the woman he loved, but in the black days after his father died everything in his world had turned upside-down. It had been the worst, the very worst time of his life—his dark night of the soul.
As he sat in the dark now, Reid wished as he’d wished so many times in the past six years that he could turn to Cob McKinnon for advice. The man had been so much more than simply his father. Reid had looked up to Cob as his hero and he’d loved him as a very special friend. They’d been best mates.
Cob had been a strong man, a tough Scot moulded even tougher by the unforgiving Australian outback. Among the cattlemen in the Star Valley he had been admired as a leader and Reid had grown up idolising him.
No one in his family had realised quite how devastated Reid was when Cob McKinnon died suddenly.
Reid had been away on a muster in the back country and when word came through that his father was gravely ill he’d made a reckless dash for home, riding hard through the night, but he’d been too late.
The worst of it had been that he couldn’t give way to the pain that ravaged him; his family had needed him to be strong. His mother had turned to him for help to organize the funeral and to deal with the solicitors and the will.
And Annie and Kane had looked to him for strength too. Although he and Kane were twins, his brother had always deferred to Reid’s leadership. And so a huge burden had seemed to fall on him at the very moment he most longed for his father’s guidance.
Somehow he had got through it.
But then, things had got worse.
One evening, about a week after his father’s funeral, his mother had found him sitting out here on this veranda.
Everything from that night was etched into Reid’s brain. He could remember each detail—the oppressive heat that had been building all day; the storm threatening but never quite breaking; the smell of his mother’s favourite tea rose oil, cloying on such a hot night; the creak of the old timber floorboards as she crossed the veranda to stand beside him.
‘Mind if I join you?’ she asked.
‘No, of course not.’ He jumped up and offered her the more comfortable squatter’s chair while he dragged a cane chair closer for himself.
Once she was settled, she said, ‘There’s something I need to explain to you, Reid.’ She paused, as if it was difficult to continue. ‘Cob was hoping to talk to you before he died. Poor man, he tried to hang on. He was most anxious to tell you this. But he—he ran out of time.’
Reid thought his father had wanted to explain how their cattle business was to be organised now—whether he and Kane would be entrusted with the running of it, or whether Cob had wanted to appoint a manager from outside the family.
But when Jessie paused again, for an even longer time, he felt a twinge of anxiety. She leaned forward, her elbows resting on her knees and her hands clasped together, her head bowed.
Good Lord, was she praying?
Alarm tightened his guts. ‘Mum, are you okay?’
‘Not really.’ She stared straight ahead. ‘Oh heavens, Reid, I’m so sorry. We should have told you this years ago.’
‘Told me what?’
He stared at her and saw the tension in her profile—her tightly drawn in mouth, her hunched body. ‘For God’s sake, Mum, what is it?’
‘It’s—about when you were born.’
The blast of shock hit him in the face as surely as if he’d received a king hit. His heart lurched painfully. Fine hairs rose on the back of his neck. What the hell was this about? His mind raced, trying to drum up possibilities, when Jessie spoke again.
She shifted uneasily. ‘I’m sure I’ve mentioned before that my sister Flora and I both lived in Mirrabrook before I was married. We worked in the bank and we had a little house in town.’
He nodded, wanting to yell at her to stop beating about the bush. Get on with it. What happened when I was born?
She sighed. ‘As you know, I fell pregnant very soon after I was married.’
‘Yeah. With twins. Kane and me.’
‘No, darling.’ Her voice was excessively careful.
Reid stared at her.
‘I wasn’t carrying twins.’
Oh, God, Mum, no.
In the moonlight her distressed face gleamed whitely. For the first time in his life he wanted to shake her.
‘What are you saying?’
As if she hadn’t heard him, or because she couldn’t stop now, Jessie hurried on. ‘Flora went away to Brisbane soon after I was married and she didn’t come back until I was almost ready to give birth. When she did, she brought a little baby with her.’
‘No.’ Reid collapsed forward, clasping his head in his hands. This was crazy, like some kind of stupid daytime soap opera. He knew what was coming as surely as if he’d written the script. Jerking his head upright again, he dragged in a huge gulping breath. ‘You’re telling me I was the baby, aren’t you?’
‘Yes, dear.’
Oh, God. His parents weren’t his parents. This was worse than anything he could have imagined. An awful sense of alienation descended. He felt cut off from the woman beside him. He stared at his hands as if he’d never seen them before. Who the hell was he?
How was a man supposed to come to grips with this kind of news. Why now? Why hadn’t Cob and Jessie told him this when he was little? Couldn’t they have fed him that stuff people dole out to adopted kids about what a special guy he was and how they picked him out because they loved him? At least he would have known all along that he wasn’t theirs.
Hell, his whole life had been a lie. As a kid he’d conned himself into thinking he looked like his father. And he and Kane had spent their whole lives thinking they were twins.
The fact that he wasn’t even a McKinnon was more than he could bear.
He rounded on Jessie. ‘Why did you leave it so damn long to tell me?’
‘We—I was worried that you would want to ask too many questions.’
‘Sure as hell I have questions. Starting with how did I end up here? With you?’ He hurled the question at her and the venom injected into ‘you’ was intentional. He was angry. Bloody angry. He wanted to lash out.
Her hand fluttered to her mouth and she pressed it against her lips as if she wished she could keep them closed for ever. ‘Poor Flora was in a terrible state, Reid, on the verge of a nervous breakdown, and she begged me to take her baby.’
Poor Flora…He didn’t want another mother. He most definitely didn’t want her to be the Aunt Flora he’d visited briefly in Scotland during his year abroad. His time with her had been uncomfortably brief and strained and he’d come away with the distinct impression that she’d resented his intrusion into her life. ‘What was the matter with poor Flora?’
Jessie’s response was a sharp intake of breath.
Reid glared at her without sympathy. ‘You’d better tell me. You’ve done enough damage keeping these choice bits of news to yourself for so long. No need to spare me now. I want the lot.’
‘You won’t like it, Reid.’
‘Don’t let that stop you.’
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