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The Unsung Hero
Alison Roberts
The Unsung Hero
Alison Roberts
www.millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk)
Cover (#ubc975aba-22e3-5c7a-ae5e-dfe7e3b6e94a)
Title Page (#u8c296803-d3ae-5eb8-81e4-86dcb30b98aa)
Praise for Alison Roberts: (#u0643ac1d-c1a6-59e5-988c-ba8d81acd34a)
About the Author (#u524ee093-dee2-5e96-bdbf-bfbded4aa60e)
Chapter One (#u83a27755-41ee-5f91-b9e4-b7b6741fce76)
Chapter Two (#uc0c79728-0be0-5adb-8bc9-c45c6824a182)
Chapter Three (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Four (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Five (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Six (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Seven (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Eight (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Nine (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Ten (#litres_trial_promo)
Copyright (#litres_trial_promo)
Praise for Alison Roberts:
TWINS FOR CHRISTMAS ‘I had never read anything by Alison Roberts prior to reading TWINS FOR CHRISTMAS, but after reading this enchanting novella I shall certainly add her name to my auto-buy list!’ —Cataromance.com
NURSE, NANNY…BRIDE! ‘Ms Roberts produces her usual entertaining blend of medicine and romance in just the right proportion, with a brooding but compelling hero and both leads with secrets to hide.’ —Mills and Boon
website reader review
About the Author
ALISON ROBERTS lives in Christchurch, New Zealand. She began her working career as a primary school teacher, but now juggles available working hours between writing and active duty as an ambulance officer. Throwing in a large dose of parenting, housework, gardening and pet-minding keeps life busy, and teenage daughter Becky is responsible for an increasing number of days spent on equestrian pursuits. Finding time for everything can be a challenge, but the rewards make the effort more than worthwhile.
CHAPTER ONE
TIME stood still.
Rick Wilson had never actually understood that phrase before this moment but, man, he did now.
It was kind of like one of those three-hundred-and-sixty-degree shots in a movie where something was frozen in space but the rest of the scene continued around it. He was part of that scene but where he was and what he was here for became suddenly and completely irrelevant.
It seemed extraordinary that nobody else had noticed but why would they? The only thing that had really stopped was in his head. A stun-gun effect on his thought processes from that first sight of…perfection, that was the only word for it.
Some kind of goddess in a floaty blue dress. Long, long blonde hair, some of which had been wound around her head and adorned with tiny, white flowers. She was tall and slim and he’d put good money on her eyes being blue. Dark blue.
Who was she and where the hell had she been? Nowhere near his world, that was for sure, because he would have remembered.
More than his brain had been stunned but it wasn’t until the need for oxygen made Rick suck in a rather deep breath that he realised his chest had also been immobilised. The sound he made elicited a nudge from the man standing close by his side. And a look. He might as well have had a bubble over his head like a cartoon character as well. One that said, Do me a favour and try and keep your hands off her for the duration of the ceremony at least.
No worries. Rick’s grin flashed back. How long could a ceremony last, after all?
Suddenly, the annoyance of wearing the ridiculous bow-tie and the vaguely trapped feeling that weddings in general, and this one in particular, always gave him became worthwhile. He was actually pleased he was dressed up to the nines. That he would be here for hours and that one of his official duties was to partner the bridesmaid. The goddess, no less.
She was much closer now. With a supreme effort, Rick tried to stop staring. He managed to switch off the mental zoom lens and take in some of the wider picture. He could hear the music and see the way the small gathering of guests in this garden setting had twisted in their seats to watch the bride and her bridesmaid approaching. A small boy was in front of the two women, throwing handfuls of rose petals from the basket he was carrying.
The sight of the child triggered a process of recalling snatches of conversations he now wished he’d paid more attention to. Worry over the choice of a bridesmaid because…that’s right, she had a kid who was very sick. Only it wasn’t her kid, exactly. He was a nephew or something but she was his only family and she was clearly some sort of saint because she’d been travelling the globe trying to track down his biological father so that the kid’s leukaemia could be treated with a bone-marrow transplant.
What was her name?
Rick was thinking hard as he watched the boy being directed to sit in an empty seat in the front row.
Sarah.
That was it. Nice name.
He had to wait while the bridesmaid positioned herself beside the bride and took charge of the bouquet but, finally, she looked up and caught his welcoming smile. Her eyes widened a fraction and she held the eye contact for a heartbeat longer. Then she looked away as the celebrant began to speak and welcome those gathered to witness the ceremony. It took Rick a few seconds to realise why he was feeling oddly poleaxed again.
She hadn’t smiled back, that was why.
Sarah had to take a deep, deep breath.
It was good that she had the bouquet to hold because it effectively hid the slight tremor she could feel in her hands. She hadn’t expected him to look at her like that—as though he couldn’t wait to launch a campaign to jump her bones. A stupid oversight, really, because she ought to be used to that kind of reaction from men by now. It was just so wildly inappropriate at this moment that she had an insane urge to slap his face. So she held on to that bunch of flowers for dear life and listened to the familiar words of a traditional wedding ceremony.
‘I, Maxwell McAdam, take thee, Eleanor Peters, to be my wife. To have and to hold…’
Maybe she’d misinterpreted the look. He was probably just a nice guy, as Ellie had assured her he was. He was the best man and it was his job to look after the bridesmaid, wasn’t it? To be friendly.
‘To love and cherish from this day forward. This is my solemn vow.’
Sarah found her gaze drifting sideways in the tiny pause as the bride, her friend Ellie, prepared to take her turn to recite the vows. If Rick was doing his job properly, he’d be focused on the ceremony. Thinking about the rings he would need to produce very soon. To her consternation, however, she found herself catching his direct gaze again. How long had he been looking at her?
At least he was looking suitably serious this time, with no hint of that confident, playboy smile but there was a question in those dark eyes that had nothing to do with what they were a part of at this moment and if she simply turned away it would be a rebuff that could have repercussions.
Enormous repercussions.
Her tiny smile might have been hesitant but it was enough for that unspoken question to vanish. For Rick’s face to soften a fraction in that split second before they both looked away.
‘I, Eleanor Peters, take thee, Maxwell McAdam, to be my husband. To have and to hold…’
The first kiss as husband and wife was a moment that would be etched on Rick’s brain for ever. The way Max and Ellie looked at each other. The soft intensity in the way their lips touched to seal their commitment. The way the kiss went on…and on.
Impossible not to feel the power of the link between this newly married couple and it was strong enough to give Rick an odd twisting sensation in his gut. A combination of recognition and…loss?
Recognition was automatic. He’d known Max since high school. Since, along with Jet and Matt, they’d formed a brotherhood that had become true family for all of them. Labelled the ‘bad boys’, they’d had the kind of bond that meant you’d put your life on the line for them in a heartbeat and life without the strength and power of that support crew was unimaginable.
Loss came from the uneasy feeling that the order of his universe was changing because one of the ‘bad boys’ was no longer a single entity. He had a ready-made family, in fact, what with Ellie’s baby Mattie. Fast bike rides and nights out with fabulous women were a thing of the past. Max was now committed to sharing his life with a woman and the bond between them was clearly cemented with the same kind of soul-deep glue that Rick had only known with the brotherhood.
Was it really possible to feel that way about a woman?
The guests were clapping and cheering. A whistle or two could be heard. Rick glanced sideways to where Jet was seated in the front row. The third ‘bad boy’ had been given the responsibility of caring for baby Mattie during the ceremony and he was still holding her with the kind of expression that made Rick think of a bomb-disposal expert in the middle of a dangerous mission. A focused scowl that suggested appreciation of both the significance of the mission and its less-than-desirable potential.
Noticing the direction of Rick’s gaze, Jet rolled his eyes as the kiss finally wound up. It took him back to the conversation they’d had only last night, over a few beers. To them both vowing to avoid the kind of commitment Max had chosen. They’d keep their bikes, thanks very much. They’d work hard and play hard and take all the fun life had to offer because they knew damn well how short it could be.
The boy beside Jet was making a disgusted face but then he grinned repentantly at Sarah, who had also looked away from the couple. It was inevitable that their gazes brushed as they turned back to their duties. With the image of that kiss still burning itself into Rick’s memory cells, along with the reminder of that vow to play hard and get the most out of life, it was just as inevitable that his gaze dropped from Sarah’s eyes to her mouth.
Such a soft-looking, deliciously kissable kind of mouth.
He felt his breath leave his lungs in a soft sigh as he wondered…
No, make that anticipated. And, knowing he could trust that very pleasant curl in his gut, he knew that kissing Sarah was something he had very good reason to look forward to. All he needed now was a smooth opening line and that shouldn’t be a problem given the amount of practice he’d had over the last decade or more.
First, there were the congratulations to be given to the newly married couple. Rick thumped Max on the back to accentuate his hug and then kissed Ellie, whose eyes were shining with joyous tears.
‘Thanks, Rick.’ She turned from him to receive Sarah’s hug. ‘‘Bout time we introduced you two,’ she said. ‘Rick, this is—’
‘Sarah,’ he cut in, smiling. ‘I’ve heard all about you.’
She looked disconcerted, turning back to Ellie, but the bride was being taken to a small table on one side of the flower-covered gazebo to deal with the paperwork.
‘W-what have you heard?’
‘You’re an old friend of Ellie’s.’
‘We were flatmates in Auckland.’
‘And didn’t you sublet your apartment here to Max?’
‘Yes. I was away in the States for a while.’
Rick nodded. ‘So, really, you’re responsible for this wedding happening. If Ellie hadn’t come looking for you, she would never have met Max.’
And he would never have met Sarah. Now, that could have been a smooth opening gambit except that he didn’t have time to deliver it. The signatures of the witnesses were now required and both Rick and Sarah had duties to perform. After that, group photographs were taken with the lovely backdrop of this garden that Max and Ellie’s new property boasted, the photographer’s attention focused on the bride and groom. Rick had more time to think but, annoyingly, inspiration wouldn’t strike.
Maybe that had something to do with the munchkins. Mattie was back in her mother’s arms now, much to Jet’s obvious relief, and the boy was glued to Sarah’s side as they watched some family shots being taken. Ellie held Mattie and Max held Ellie and nobody who saw those photographs in years to come would ever guess that Max wasn’t Mattie’s biological father.
It didn’t even seem that crazy any more, though Rick certainly couldn’t see himself putting his hand up to adopt an infant. He took another glance at the boy standing beside Sarah. Weird that her living accessory wasn’t the deal-breaker it would have been even a few months ago but this was a kid, not a baby, and, anyway, he was a special enough case to make allowances for.
‘Let’s get a photo of all the boys in their suits,’ Ellie suggested. ‘Josh, come and stand with Max and Rick.’
‘Do I have to?’
‘Yes.’ Sarah gave him a stern look but then smiled winningly. ‘Please? For me? And Ellie?’
Oh, man…That was a real smile. One that no man could possibly resist. Even a half-grown one.
‘All right. I s’pose,’ Josh grumbled.
He was soon standing between the groom and the best man, a miniature version of the two tall men in his small suit and bow-tie. He had dark hair, too. What was left of it. Rick could see the pale skin of the boy’s scalp and knew it wouldn’t be long before he was completely bald. He could also see that Sarah was watching him watch Josh and she had an odd look on her face.
Did she know that he knew the history? Was she worried that it might colour the way he talked to the boy? She needn’t worry. Rick dealt with a lot of seriously ill children and he wasn’t about to talk down to the lad or exude sympathy. The smile he gave Sarah was intended to reassure her but, strangely, she looked distinctly uncomfortable.
If it hadn’t been too weird a thought to entertain, he might have even interpreted her expression as vaguely guilty.
Did she think he was directing sympathy at her, maybe? As if. He had enough sensitivity to know that she wouldn’t appreciate that. She was clearly a strong and capable woman. Someone who’d taken on the responsibility of a child who wasn’t her own. Who was having to cope with the disaster of that child becoming gravely ill and who was doing everything she possibly could to put things right.
He respected that. Good grief, she’d gone to the other side of the world to try and track down the boy’s dad and when she’d discovered he wasn’t the one, she’d headed back to chase up another lead. Hopefully, that had proved successful. What with all the drama of Max and Ellie in recent months and then getting them shifted to this house and the wedding being planned, Rick hadn’t caught up on any further news about that. He had heard that Josh had been in hospital again in Auckland, which was why Sarah had only just made it to Dunedin in time to be Ellie’s bridesmaid. Maybe that had been for the transplant.
‘Hey, buddy.’ He winked at Josh as they positioned themselves near an old sundial in a corner of the garden. ‘How’s it going?’
Josh eyed him warily.
‘I’m Rick.’
‘I know. You’re Max’s friend.’
‘Yep.’ Both men spoke together and then Max put his arm over Josh’s shoulders as cameras whirred. ‘Rick’s got a Ducati too. Just like mine.’ He raised an eyebrow at Rick. ‘Josh was looking at that photo of us last night. With the bikes.’
‘Max said he might give me a ride one day.’
‘Cool.’ Rick had no trouble smiling for the camera. Maybe this was it. His ticket for getting to know Sarah. Max was going to be very busy settling into married life. He could offer to give Josh that ride.
‘I don’t think so.’
Sarah held out her hand to accept the glass of juice she had requested at the drinks table, congratulating herself on being so restrained.
Had Rick been waiting for a moment when she was away from everybody else to make his unwelcome offer to give Josh a ride on his motorbike?
Over my dead body had been the words that first sprang to mind but she had managed—with difficulty—to stop them emerging. She didn’t want to antagonise this man. OK, maybe this was a long shot but it was the only shot she had left and she couldn’t afford to throw it away. And maybe she should have been as prepared for something like this as for the way Rick was making no secret of finding her attractive.
He was totally irresponsible. The kind of good-looking—well, OK, make that great-looking guy who skated through life getting everything he wanted and to hell with any less than pleasant consequences. How old was he? Thirty-five or-six? High time he woke up and smelled the coffee, that’s for sure, but what was she going to do if he simply refused?
‘I’m not suggesting anything remotely dangerous.’ Rick pulled a can of lager from the nest of ice in a big silver tub. ‘Just a slow crawl around the block, or something.’
The smile revealed that Rick Wilson usually got what he wanted and no wonder. It was a winning smile, for sure. Confident and lazy. Softening a face of definite lines and a shadowed jaw that had ‘bad boy’ stamped all over it. Soft, dark hair that had been neatly combed into place a while back but the breeze in this outdoor setting had detached a single lock that almost touched an equally dark eyebrow. Eyes that had a hint of mischief that any woman would have trouble resisting.
Any other woman, that was.
‘I don’t think so,’ Sarah repeated, trying very hard not to put a punctuation mark between each word. She even added a smile of her own. ‘But thanks anyway.’
His smile faded. A tiny frown appeared between his eyes.
Oh…help.
As if in answer to the silent plea, there was a rustle of silk beside her and Ellie reached for one of the cans in the tub of ice.
‘For Max.’ She grinned in response to Rick’s raised eyebrows. ‘He’s got his hands full of baby at the moment.’ Then she looked from Rick to Sarah and she paused, her eyes widening.
Sarah gave her head a tiny shake. No, she hadn’t broken her promise.
‘Rick was just offering to give Josh a ride on his bike,’ she said, her tone carefully neutral.
‘Oh…’ Ellie bit her lip, giving Rick an oddly sympathetic glance. ‘Um…Josh’s mother was killed when she was a pillion passenger on her boyfriend’s bike,’ she said quietly.
Rick winced visibly. ‘Sorry.’
‘No worries. You weren’t to know.’ Sarah could see Josh approaching. ‘Here’s your juice,’ she said brightly. ‘Want something to eat as well?’
‘Nah. I’ve already had heaps. Can we go down to the beach? Max says there’s a jetty and you can go fishing.’
‘Maybe another day. We’re here for the wedding, remember? And not for too much longer, either. You don’t want to get too tired when you’re going to be starting school again this week.’
This wasn’t going well.
If it wasn’t his wedding day, he might have given Max a bit of stick for setting him up for that little disaster of offering Josh the opportunity to get maimed or worse.
He still could, if he made a joke of it, but there was something even more disturbing that needed his attention urgently.
Sarah was talking to Jet now. Smiling and nodding at something he was saying. Rick broke off the conversation he was having with some theatre nurses he knew and moved in their direction. The clock was ticking here because who knew how long it would be before she whisked Josh off home? And what if she was busy agreeing to a date or something? No. Rick could be pretty sure he was safe on that score. Jet wouldn’t go near a woman who had a child. The mere mention of babies had been enough at times for his mate to hold up crossed fingers and make a hissing sound to ward off bad voodoo.
‘We’ll have to see how it goes,’ Sarah was saying as he got close enough to hear. ‘One step at a time.’
‘Hey…’ Jet seemed happy enough to include Rick in the conversation. ‘Did you know Sarah’s a specialised ICU nurse? She’s coming back to work at Queen Mary’s next week.’
‘Just casual to start with,’ Sarah added. ‘I’m not sure how it’ll go. All depends on Josh, of course.’
‘Of course.’ Rick gave up trying to find a smooth opening line. Instead, he went for something much more mundane. ‘Our paths will be crossing. I spend quite a good percentage of my time in ICU.’
‘You’re a neurosurgeon, yes?’
‘Yes.’ This was good. Had she been asking someone about him? Even better that she would be working in that department. Given that neurosurgery was often the main specialty involved in cases like head injuries, he often spent considerable periods of time in ICU. But then he frowned.
‘Coming back? You’ve worked there before?’ Surely he would have spotted her. In the unit or the cafeteria. Even the car park, dammit. He was absolutely certain he would have noticed.
Sarah’s expression was rueful. ‘I applied for a job and got it but I never actually did a shift. That was when Josh got diagnosed.’
‘ALL?’ Jet queried.
Sarah’s nod was grim. Acute lymphoblastic leukaemia was the stuff of parental nightmares. ‘The next few months were a bit of a blur. All the invasive diagnostic tests and then induction chemotherapy. I lived in the children’s oncology unit.’
‘Good response to induction?’ It was Jet who spoke again.
Sarah shook her head this time. ‘Slow enough to be a real concern. We finally achieved remission but that was when I was told he was a candidate for an early HSCT.’
Rick was listening carefully despite being fascinated by watching Sarah’s face as she spoke. She was genuine all right. Nuances of emotion played across her features and he could feel the agony she’d been through. God help him, but he had an insane urge to wrap her into his arms and hold her close. He shook it off and focused on what she’d been saying.
HSCT. Haematopoietic stem-cell transplant. More commonly known as a bone-marrow transplant.
‘And that took you to the States?’ he asked. ‘To try and locate a donor?’
Sarah’s gaze flicked in his direction. She hesitated before responding but he couldn’t read her expression this time. It was almost as if shutters had come down but he could tell she was struggling with something. Then she looked away from both her companions, her gaze raking the small crowd now scattered throughout the garden.
Many were holding champagne glasses and some had plates, having helped themselves to a sumptuous afternoon tea from the table laden with silver, tiered stands that held everything from savouries and sandwiches to tiny cupcakes decorated with hearts. Imitating Sarah’s observation, Rick spotted Josh, who was sitting on the wide steps of the terrace beside Max, who was feeding Mattie with a bottle.
Of course. She wouldn’t want to be discussing this if Josh was within earshot.
‘We heard that didn’t work out,’ he said gently. ‘But Auckland was more successful, yes?’
‘What?’ Those dark blue eyes flashed with…what?…alarm? ‘What makes you say that?’
Rick sighed inwardly. He was only trying to be interested here. Supportive. Was she always this prickly?
‘Ellie mentioned that Josh was in hospital, that’s all. And that was why there was some doubt about whether you’d make it to the wedding. I knew you’d gone to Auckland because of another donor possibility so I was hoping that was due to a transplant happening.’
‘No.’ He could see the deep breath Sarah took. ‘He got sick. Pneumonia. A bug he probably picked up from the plane trip home.’
She was watching Josh again. Ellie had gone over to the steps and was sitting beside her brand-new husband but leaning forward, talking to Josh on his other side. Then she stood up and began walking towards Rick. He glanced at Jet but there seemed to be nothing to say to break the suddenly tense silence enclosing the three of them.
Josh’s condition was fragile. He might or might not still be in remission but even if he was, he was at risk due to his suppressed immune system that the maintenance drug regime would cause. Any bacterial, viral or fungal infection could be potentially fatal. Ellie joined the group but it didn’t relieve the tension. If anything, it went up a notch or two even before she spoke.
‘Sarah…I’m sorry but Josh isn’t feeling very well. He says he’s got a headache and he thinks he’s going to be sick.’
‘Oh, no!’ Rick saw the colour drain from Sarah’s face.
‘It could just be too many chocolate éclairs and sunshine but…’
The tiny word hung in the air. It could be an infection of some kind. It could even be a sign of a central nervous system relapse, which would not only take away the status of remission but could escalate the progression of this boy’s disease.
‘I’ll have to get him checked.’ Sarah’s eyes were bright. Too bright. Glittering with unshed tears? ‘Oh, God…We’ve only just got over the last setback. He was so desperate to stay well enough to go to school again.’
‘I’m so sorry.’ Ellie was biting her bottom lip. ‘Jet could take you into Emergency.’ She turned. ‘You’ve got a shift starting later tonight, haven’t you?’
‘Yeah.’
‘He knows everyone,’ she said to Sarah. ‘He’ll make sure Josh gets the best of care.’
‘I’ll go too,’ Rick announced.
The others all looked at him in surprise.
‘Jet and I came together,’ he said quickly. ‘In my car. It’s not as if you guys are planning formal speeches or anything, are you?’ He didn’t give Ellie time to respond. ‘Jet can look after Josh and everything that needs to happen. I can look after Sarah.’
It felt good to say that. And he meant every word. Smooth opening lines or first kisses were the last thing on his mind right now. This was about a potentially sick kid and the woman who was, effectively, his mother. There was no hidden agenda or ulterior motive.
The ‘bad boys’ weren’t being disbanded by this marriage, he realised in a moment of sudden clarity. The tribe was simply expanding. Ellie was a part of it and, by association, Sarah came under the same protective umbrella. That was what this was about. Solidarity. A tribe thing.
So why did Sarah and Ellie exchange a glance that made him feel as if he’d stepped into a minefield?
‘I think…’ Ellie spoke after a loaded pause and her voice sounded strange. ‘That might be quite a good idea, don’t you, Sarah?’
Equally strangely, Sarah had closed her eyes as though offering up a silent prayer. She opened them slowly, stared at Ellie for a second and then turned her head towards Rick.
The gaze was so intense it rang alarm bells that were positively deafening. What the hell was going on here?
‘Yes.’ Sarah sounded perfectly calm, which was weird in itself. ‘It is a good idea. Can we go now, please?’
Josh had been diagnosed with leukaemia here at Queen Mary’s and it became rapidly obvious that he was a favourite patient amongst the paediatric oncology staff that got summoned to the emergency department. One of the registrars even called his consultant, Mike Randall, who said he would be coming in to see what was happening.
A lot was happening. Numerous blood tests and a chest X-ray. An exhaustive physical examination, abdominal ultrasound and a lumbar puncture. Jet changed into scrubs and simply went on shift early but Rick was left with little to do but be there and observe, feeling somewhat ridiculous in his dinner suit and the bow-tie, which had come undone but he wasn’t about to bother retying it.
Sarah would have probably felt absurdly overdressed, too, in that long frock and with the flowers still in her hair but it didn’t seem to occur to her. As pale as her nephew, she was there by his side for every moment. Holding his hand for the blood tests and curled protectively close to his head throughout the lumbar puncture procedure. Rustling in her long dress as she walked beside his bed when it was rolled to a different area. She said little but seemed grateful to have Jet and Rick there to smooth the admission process and the transition of care to the oncology department.
Josh was just as stoical as Sarah. The hospital environment and these frightening and painful procedures were a part of life for both of them now and they were in it together. With every passing minute, Rick became more aware of the striking bond between these two. Of their courage. Josh didn’t cry, even once, and Rick was left convinced that Sarah was a vital component of any treatment for this child. The gentle way she touched him, almost constantly, and the way she held direct eye contact throughout the worst moments, infusing him with both strength and comfort, touched something very deep in Rick.
All his younger patients had families that loved them and would do anything they could to help but he’d never witnessed a bond quite like this. They were both special but Sarah…she was astonishing.
By the time the consultant, Mike, arrived, the early testing was complete and Josh had been moved to a private room in the children’s ward. Surprisingly, Max turned up at the same time.
‘What are you doing here, man?’ Rick asked. ‘It’s your wedding night! ‘
‘Ellie sent me in with some clothes for Sarah and to find out what’s happening. How’s Josh?’
‘I think we’re about to find out.’ Rick tilted his head to where Mike was gripping Sarah’s hand.
‘I hoped it would be an outpatient appointment when we got to see you again,’ the older doctor was saying. ‘You’ve only just come down from Auckland, haven’t you?’
‘Yesterday,’ Sarah confirmed wryly.
They both looked at the still figure of the sleeping child on the bed beside them. He had a pulse oximeter on a finger and an IV line snaking up from a heavily bandaged elbow to the stand supporting bags of medicated fluids.
‘Let’s step outside for a minute so we don’t wake him up,’ Mike suggested. ‘He’ll be worn out by now, I suspect.’
He raised his eyebrows as they reached the two men standing by the door. ‘Rick…this is a bit out of your field, isn’t it? And, Max…didn’t I hear you were getting married today?’
‘I did. Sarah was our bridesmaid and Josh was the pageboy.’
‘Ahh…’ Mike’s smile was warm. ‘And there I was thinking you’d all dressed up on my account.’
He pulled the door almost closed behind him and they drifted closer to the window where they could still see Josh. The ward was quiet ant the corridor dimly lit, with evening visiting hours well over. A baby began crying somewhere and a child’s voice called out for her mother. It was a subdued and slightly miserable background.
Mike spoke softly. ‘We still haven’t got all the results back yet, of course. And I’ve scheduled a bone-marrow biopsy and MRI scan for tomorrow morning.’
Sarah made a low sound of distress that cut Rick like a sharp blade. Mike’s face creased in sympathy.
‘I know. I’m sorry. The good news is that his fever’s dropped and his lungs are clear. There’s no significant change in the size of his liver or spleen and his kidney function’s looking good. Even better, this doesn’t look like CNS involvement. I think the symptoms are probably due to a virus and we’ve got treatment under way to deal with it. Antivirals and antibiotics to cover all the bases.’
‘He was going to try and go back to school this week. Said he’d wear a mask even if it made him look like a freak.’
Mike shook his head, dismissing the possibility. ‘We’ll have him in here for a bit. I want to make sure he’s still in remission. If not, we’re going to have to get back into a pretty aggressive chemotherapy programme.’
Sarah closed her eyes and Rick could sense her struggle in trying to find the strength to face what was coming. He felt helpless.
‘What about HSCT?’ he asked Mike. ‘That’s going to be the best option, isn’t it?’
Mike’s expression was grim. ‘No siblings, unfortunately. Sarah’s the only family and she’s nowhere near a match. Nothing’s come up on the bone-marrow register and she hasn’t been able to trace Josh’s father.’ He turned to Sarah. ‘You didn’t get any further in your hunt in Auckland, did you?’
Her eyes were open now. She was staring at Rick but her gaze flicked back to Mike.
‘Actually, I think I did. Quite by chance and only because of Josh being admitted for the chest infection. One of the nurses in the ward had been working there for ages and she seemed to know everybody.’
‘And?’ There was an undercurrent of excitement in Mike’s tone.
‘I’ve got a possibility to chase up. I…I’m just not sure how co-operative he might be.’
‘You think he’d refuse to help?’ Rick could hear more than a hint of outrage in his own voice.
‘He might. He doesn’t even know he’s got a son yet.’
Rick gave a dismissive snort. ‘Tough. It’s not as if he’s had to take any responsibility so far, is it?’
‘No.’
Sarah’s agreement was cautious. She was giving him an odd look, as though wondering why he was pushing this, but there was an element of something like hope in her face and that made Rick feel good. Very good. He was helping here.
‘But that’s not exactly his fault,’ she added. ‘He didn’t know. I don’t think Josh’s mother even knew.’
‘Doesn’t matter.’ Rick was confident now. He ignored the way Max was staring at him as though he was about to step off a cliff or something. He could support Sarah in this quest. Help her. Maybe help Josh as well. ‘If he’s a decent human being,’ he said firmly, ‘then getting tested is the least he can do.’
Sarah looked away from him to Max who gave her a slow nod of encouragement. She looked back at Rick.
‘I hope you meant that,’ she said softly. ‘How soon do you think you could arrange to have the test?’
CHAPTER TWO
‘What?’
He was looking at her as if she was some kind of alien species, clearly unable to make any sense of her request. Sarah glanced at Max but he was watching his friend and had an expression of sympathy that made her heart sink. He knew how hard it would be for Rick to accept the idea he could be Josh’s father. And maybe he wasn’t. Maybe she was making life difficult for all sorts of people unnecessarily but she had no choice, did she?
This was about Josh.
Mike Randall was frowning. ‘I’m confused,’ he confessed. ‘What’s Rick got to do with this, Sarah?’
‘Absolutely nothing.’ Rick held up his hands in an eloquent gesture of denial. ‘Look, I’m sorry, Sarah. I’ve got no idea where this is coming from but you couldn’t be more wrong.’
Sarah swallowed hard. She directed her next words at Mike rather than Rick. ‘I was chasing someone I thought was called Richard. Known as Rick. I couldn’t find any Richard. Then someone suggested that Rick could be short for Eric and…bingo.’
She heard an angry huff of sound from Rick. He turned, walked a couple of jerky steps, shoving his sleeves clear of his wrists as though preparing to do battle. Then he swung back to face them all, shaking his head incredulously.
‘I mean, I know I haven’t exactly been a monk but…for God’s sake, I wasn’t even in the country at the time Josh would have been conceived…what, eight or nine years ago? I was in Sydney on a postgraduate surgical course for two years. Wasn’t I, Max?’
‘Ah…Yes, but—’
‘There isn’t a “but”.’ Rick was staring at Max with lines of bewilderment creasing his face now. He was being attacked here. Where was the back-up he clearly expected? Max looked as though he was in physical pain. He wanted, more than anything, to be able to provide the support his friend desperately wanted but he couldn’t do it because he knew something Rick didn’t.
Sarah waited, knowing that Rick would turn back to her eventually. She was the one initiating this attack, wasn’t she? So she watched him, seeing the way he straightened his spine and the way his hands curled into fists of frustration. It was the bewilderment that really got to her, though. A window of vulnerability in a man who might otherwise seem invincible. Big. Strong. Clever. Impossibly gorgeous right now with the sleeves of that dinner jacket shoved onto his forearms and the top button of his shirt undone with the ends of that black tie hanging on each side.
Sure enough, he turned to make eye contact with her and it was like a physical blow. As though she had betrayed him.
She had to swallow hard. ‘How old do you think Josh is, Rick?’
‘Seven,’ he said promptly, dredging up another fragment of a conversation in past weeks. ‘Or maybe eight.’ He flicked a challenging glance at Max.
‘That’s what I thought,’ Max said apologetically. ‘But it was a guess, Rick. I—’
‘I know he’s small for his age,’ Sarah interrupted, trying to let Max off the hook. ‘But he’s nine. Coming up to nine and a half. He was conceived in Auckland a bit over ten years ago.’
Rick was still glaring at Max. ‘You knew about this, didn’t you?’
‘Only since last night.’ Max sighed heavily. ‘It’s not as if I’ve had a chance to talk to you. Sarah promised not to say anything until after the wedding. I was going to warn you, mate.’
Sarah caught Mike’s glance. Friction on a personal level between these two men wasn’t going to be helpful. He raised his eyebrows and Sarah nodded.
‘I went to the States,’ she said, ‘to find the man who was on Josh’s birth certificate. The man my sister genuinely thought was Josh’s father as far as I could tell. He thought he might be, too and actually got excited by the idea. He couldn’t wait to do the DNA test and he was gutted when it turned out that Josh couldn’t possibly be his son.’
Rick snorted. ‘You’ll get the same result from me,’ he said coldly. ‘Except I won’t be pretending I’m gutted.’ He shook his head. ‘You’re wasting your time.
And mine.’
Sarah was finding it hard to stay calm. He was simply going to refuse to accept the possibility, wasn’t he? This might turn into a dead end that could haunt her for ever.
‘My sister’s name was Lucy,’ she said with a tiny wobble in her voice. ‘She was two years older than me and we looked very alike.’
He couldn’t deny he found her attractive, surely? His interest had been flashing like a neon sign from the first moment he’d laid eyes on her. The kind of physical attributes people found attractive in the opposite sex didn’t change that much. She had always been drawn to tall, dark men. Like Rick.
She sighed again, inwardly this time, at the regret that tugged deep inside. In another lifetime she might have been having a very different kind of conversation with Rick Wilson.
‘Lucy Prescott?’ she prompted. ‘Ring any bells?’
‘No.’ The word was a growl.
‘The man who wasn’t Josh’s father remembered her. It had only been a brief affair but he’d been in love with her. He’d said he’d known he was failing to measure up to the previous man in her life. Only a one-night stand, Lucy had said, and it was never going to go anywhere, but it was all too obvious that she would have preferred it to.’
And Sarah could understand why now. She could also begin to understand why her sister had always kept it a secret. A private fantasy that might have been discredited by sharing it with anyone, even her sister. Rick was one of a kind and he would have been completely out of her league back then when Lucy had been just a shy, country girl starting out on her nursing training.
‘He went to the States a month or so later,’ she finished. ‘He never knew Lucy was pregnant. She refused to tell him. Or say who the father was. I only found that out when I requested Josh’s birth certificate after he got sick.’
Silence fell as she finished speaking. Through the crack in the nearby door came a soft whimper.
Sarah tensed and then breathed out with a sigh of resignation. She had to go back to Josh, to be there when he woke up, but it wasn’t as if there wasn’t any point in saying anything more right now. She had dropped the bombshell. The best thing she could do was give Rick the space to get his head around it.
It was hard not to add a plea of some kind before she turned away. Especially seeing as Rick was giving her his undivided attention. Or maybe he was hoping he could make her go ‘poof’ and disappear from his life by sheer willpower. She held his gaze for a long second.
Please, she begged silently. Just…please.
Mike followed Sarah back into the room to check on his young patient and Rick was left in the corridor with just Max for company.
He turned on his heel and began to walk away.
‘Hey…’ Max sounded alarmed. ‘Where are you going?’
‘To find someone to talk to,’ Rick snapped. ‘A mate who might genuinely be in my corner.’
‘I’m in your corner.’ Max caught up with him well before he reached the elevators.
That hadn’t been the impression he’d just got. Rick didn’t pause to push the button or wait for a lift. He didn’t want to give Max the chance to say anything else. Shoving the fire-escape door open, he took to the stairs, ignoring the sound of the footsteps following him. He didn’t even look over his shoulder as he barged into the emergency department.
Jet was listening to a patient’s chest in a cubicle near the internal doors. He glanced up, took in the expression on Rick’s face and smoothly unhooked the earpieces to hang the stethoscope around his neck.
‘You’re quite right,’ he said to the registrar beside him. ‘Order a chest X-ray and start some diuretics. I’ll be in the office for a few minutes. Page me if I’m needed.’ With a commanding jerk of his head, he led both Rick and Max into one of the consultants’ offices.
‘What the hell’s the matter with you two?’
‘Why don’t you ask him?’ Rick growled. He glared at Max.
Jet hooked one leg up to perch on the edge of the desk. He studied Rick for a moment and then turned his attention to Max. And then, surprisingly, he grinned.
‘Takes me right back, this does. Remember when the headmaster caught you two fighting on the dorm floor? You got detention for a month and had to pick up rubbish on the rugby grounds. Matt and I used to fall over ourselves laughing, watching you with your spiky sticks and bags.’
His smile faded, his gaze settling on Max. ‘What? What did I say?’
Max sighed. ‘This has kind of got something to do with Matt, that’s all.’
‘For God’s sake,’ Rick exploded. ‘How can you say that? It’s got nothing to do with Matt.’
‘Of course it has. And if you calmed down and tried using your brain for half a minute, you’d see why. Think about it.’
‘What does he need to think about?’ Jet’s tone was wary.
‘Matt,’ Max said heavily. ‘What life was like for us all when he died.’
Rick looked up at the ceiling. He didn’t realise how hard his fists were clenched until the ache reached his elbows.
Unbearable, that’s what it had been like. Matt had been the final member of their group. The youngest by a few months and a bit smaller but he’d made up for his lack of height with an extra dose of daring and humour and intelligence. Life had been the ultimate adventure for Matt but he had died, tragically, when a brain aneurysm had not been diagnosed in time to save him, despite the warning symptoms. They had all been newly qualified doctors at the time. The remaining three, aching with such a loss, had all blamed themselves in some way for his death.
‘You hit the books, I seem to remember,’ Jet said slowly. ‘We hardly saw you.’
‘And you burned off your grief getting your black belt in that martial arts thing.’ Max nodded. ‘And Rick? Do you remember what he did?’
‘Drank a lot,’ Jet said promptly. ‘And partied like there was no tomorrow.’
‘Exactly.’
The satisfied note in Max’s voice was more than irritating.
‘There’s no “exactly” about it,’ Rick informed them. ‘I’m careful. Even if I’m drunk I’m careful.’
‘Can you honestly put your hand on your heart and swear there might not have been an occasion then when you found you didn’t have anything on hand or were just too blasé to care?’
Rick said nothing. The truth was that that period of time was pretty much a blur now. He’d been trying to forget and it had been a successful mission. He closed his eyes slowly.
Too many parties. Too much alcohol. Way too many girls and most of them had been blue-eyed blondes. Max had married a woman with chestnut hair. Jet thought the darker the better but Rick had always gone for blondes. That particular period wasn’t an indication of how he usually treated women, however, and even now he could feel shame at the way he’d used those girls.
One-night stands had been all that he could do. He’d had enough emotional rubbish to deal with without inviting any more into his life. All he’d wanted had been the temporary release that sex could provide and if it wasn’t enough for the partner, she’d got brushed aside. Names? As much of a blur as the faces. Pick a girl’s name, he thought wearily. Any name could be a contender. Annabelle or Casey or Lisa or…or Lucy. Yes. If Sarah’s sister had been at one of those parties and had been willing, he would have taken advantage of her.
Of course he couldn’t swear to anything and his friends knew it. Maybe talking about this wasn’t such a good idea. It certainly wasn’t helping. Any second now and Jet was going to be taking the side Max was on. The dark side. Rick needed to be alone. A stiff drink or two and some peace and quiet and maybe he could parcel up this feeling of dread and make it go away somehow.
‘Condoms aren’t a magic bullet, anyway,’ Max continued. ‘You know that. They can fail. Or break. How many times have we congratulated ourselves on our hassle-free record? Or so we thought.’
Jet whistled silently. ‘Oh, man…Is this going where I think it’s going?’
Max didn’t seem to have heard him. He was still talking directly to Rick. ‘Lucy looked just like her sister. Maybe your memory of ten-plus years ago is understandably hazy but what about a few hours ago? Your tongue was practically hanging out of your mouth the instant you clapped eyes on Sarah.’
‘Sarah?’ Jet was sitting very still now. Making sense of what was happening around him.
‘Lucy was Sarah’s sister,’ Max said more quietly. ‘Josh’s mother.’
‘Holy cow! And she thinks Rick’s the father?’
‘He could be,’ Max agreed.
‘She’s wrong,’ Rick said at the same time.
‘How do you know?’ Jet asked Rick.
‘I just do.’ Rick knew his tone was desperate. He didn’t know, did he? He just couldn’t begin to imagine the repercussions if she was right. To be presented with a nine-year-old kid? A sick kid? To know that the boy had been in the world for so long and he hadn’t even known he’d existed? No. There was no way to get his head around this.
Max and Jet exchanged a glance.
‘The solution’s simple,’ Jet said. ‘Three letters, mate. DNA.’
Max stepped towards Rick and gripped his upper arm. ‘He’s right. The possibility is there and a kid’s life might depend on it. If nothing else, you can set the record straight and Sarah can keep hunting.’
Yes. There was definitely a possibility there. One that might let him off the hook completely.
‘Fine. I’ll do the damn test.’
The thought that it might exonerate him kept him going until he reached home. The long hours of a solitary, sleepless night, however, put a far more negative spin on the plan.
Maybe fate had it in for him. Perhaps this was his punishment for that wild, irresponsible few months until he’d got both his head and his act back together. And what a punishment it would be. The effect it could have on his life was potentially catastrophic. Having a child could have a major impact on career choices, finances, relationships…
Being a father.
Oh, man…that was a minefield and a half. He couldn’t do it. He had no idea of how a father should behave. He only had to think of his own father to know how they shouldn’t behave but that was no help. His mates wouldn’t be able to help either, would they? They’d all had way less than perfect family lives, which was why they’d all been sent off to boarding school and ended up forging their bond. The kind of family that meant something.
Max would think he’d know but he was getting in on the ground floor with Mattie, wasn’t he? He hadn’t been presented with a child who was old enough to judge performance and find it lacking. Old enough to get hurt, dammit.
It would be a disaster for everybody involved but most especially Josh, who most certainly didn’t need that in his life on top of everything else. He couldn’t do it to him. But if he did turn out to be Josh’s father, he’d have no choice.
The endless merry-go-round of thoughts and emotions finally slowed as dawn broke and in those quiet minutes as a new day was born, Rick found a solution.
If his irresponsibility had created a child and fate had decreed that he could help him in some way, then of course he would do it. Josh didn’t have to know where the bone marrow was coming from. If he didn’t know that his biological father was involved, Rick wouldn’t have to try and be the person Josh would want his father to be. He wouldn’t have to hurt the kid by trying…and failing. It would be kinder all round, really.
Much kinder.
The attraction had been snuffed out. As cleanly as a lamp being switched off. There wasn’t even a flicker of it to be seen when Rick came to the ward the following morning.
He didn’t come into Josh’s room. Just gave Sarah a curt nod through the window and then waited for her to join him in the relative privacy of the corridor.
‘I’ve sorted the tests,’ he told her. ‘DNA, blood and tissue typing. You’ll have to wait for the results.’
‘Thank you.’
It was such an inadequate thing to say. She could see how huge this had been for him. Rick looked as though he hadn’t slept a wink. There were shadows under his eyes and more lines around them than she remembered. It really wasn’t fair that it only added to his appeal or that his appeal for her was still there when it had totally gone from his side of the equation.
She’d done her own share of thinking last night. Imagining Lucy with Rick. Feeling disturbingly…envious.
Just as well that Rick had shut off that static of sexual awareness. They could be colleagues now. A step up from total strangers but new enough to still have to earn trust. And that wasn’t going to be easy because Rick’s demeanour suggested she’d already had his trust and couldn’t have broken it more effectively.
Fair enough. She had tipped his life upside down. Taken away his carefree existence. Put a huge spoke in the entire wheel of his universe, probably.
‘Don’t go getting your hopes up too much,’ Rick warned.
‘I won’t.
But…’
‘But what?’
Amazing that his eyes could darken even further. They were like coals now. Remnants of a fire that had long since died out. Sarah had to look away.
‘Have…have you given any thought to the next step, if…if…?’
Oh, Lord. She couldn’t even say it out loud.
‘If I do turn out to be his father?’ Rick’s mouth curled but it couldn’t be considered any kind of smile. ‘Give me some credit, Sarah,’ he drawled. ‘I’m not stupid.’
‘I wasn’t suggesting you were.’ The putdown sparked something that felt like rebellion. Didn’t he know by now that she was more than prepared to fight for what was right?
‘If I’m his father and there’s enough of a match to make my bone marrow compatible, then of course I’ll be a donor.’
Sarah let out a breath she hadn’t noticed she’d been holding. This was precisely what she’d wanted to hear. So why was she left with this oddly unsatisfied sensation?
‘If—and it’s a mighty big if as far as I’m concerned,’ Rick continued, his voice low and intense. ‘If things do turn out that way and I’m a donor, then that’s the end of it.’
‘Sorry?’ Sarah wasn’t following.
‘I had no idea he existed,’ Rick said. ‘He’s nine years old. It’s a bit late to step into the role of being a father. So I don’t want Josh to be told. Is that clear?’
Sarah’s mouth opened but no words came out.
It was clear all right. But acceptable? That was something else entirely. If she called him on this, however, he might back off and he’d already agreed to being a potential donor. That was all that mattered right now, wasn’t it?
One step at a time.
It wasn’t the first time in their brief acquaintance that she’d had the impression Rick Wilson was a man used to getting what he wanted from life.
He had taken her silence for acquiescence.
‘Good,’ he said. ‘I’m glad we understand each other.’
And with that, he turned and left. Mission accomplished.
That spark of rebellion flared. Any kind of fan could easily see it flame into anger but Sarah had her own mission to deal with.
Intravenous sedation had made Josh sleepy enough not to notice his bed being wheeled into the treatment room of the ward. Or even being rolled onto his stomach and having the skin around his lower spine swabbed with disinfectant and then covered with a sterile drape that had a square hole in its centre.
Sarah positioned herself close to his head and took a small hand in hers.
‘All set?’ Mike was gowned and gloved. He had a syringe full of local anaesthetic in his hand.
Sarah nodded. She focused on Josh’s face rather than watching the needle. She saw the crease on his forehead that let her know he was aware of his skin being pierced. The deeper frown and tiny whimper that told her the bone was now being frozen.
Despite the sedation and all the local anaesthetic, the next part of the procedure was painful. Not that Josh would remember any of it, thanks to the medication, but Sarah would. The sleepy groans and embryonic sobs brought tears to her own eyes and she ended up having to sniff audibly.
‘You OK, Sarah?’
‘Yes.’
‘Not much longer.’
‘That’s good.’
It was probably just as well that Rick had backed away from any involvement with Josh at the moment. If he was watching this, he’d know exactly what was in store for him if it came to donating bone marrow. There’d be more than one puncture site, too, because they’d need a couple of litres of his liquid marrow. Josh only needed a tiny amount to cover the slides a technician was ready to prepare at the nearby trolley.
Would Rick opt for a general anaesthetic? Hardly likely, given the small but significant risk. IV sedation like Josh had had? That also didn’t seem likely. He was a surgeon and having to abstain from making any important decisions or doing medical procedures might be a huge inconvenience. She wouldn’t be at all surprised if he opted to just tough it out with local and that thought was enough to make her shudder inwardly.
She couldn’t do it. Of course, it would be his choice but it was a lot to ask of anyone. Except that if it came to that, Rick wouldn’t be just anyone. He’d be Josh’s father. His dad. And it was a small thing to ask if it could save his son’s life.
Mike had finished aspirating the marrow. Now he needed to do the biopsy.
‘Almost done, short stuff,’ Sarah whispered. ‘You’re being a wee hero.’
As he always was. He was such a brave kid. As if it hadn’t been enough to lose his mum when he was only six and have to go and live with an aunt he hadn’t seen nearly enough of. She wished she’d been there more for him when he’d been little but Lucy had gone back to their small home town after their mother had died and it had been her older sister who’d pushed her to stay in big cities and keep taking her career to the next level. Not to make the same mistakes she’d made.
At least she hadn’t been a total stranger when tragedy had struck. Her love for Josh had been genuine but, even if she hadn’t loved him as her nephew, he would have captured her heart totally over the last year with his courage and resilience.
‘I’ll get better,’ he often reassured her. ‘Don’t worry, Sarah. One day I’ll be big and I’ll look after you.’
Sarah had to sniff again. A nurse passed her a tissue and Mike looked up to give her a sympathetic smile.
‘We’re all done. Looks like a good sample. Not too much cortex.’
‘Great.’
‘We’ll head on up for the MRI before the sedation wears off. I’ll give him some pain relief, too. He’ll be a bit sore when he wakes up.’
‘He’ll be OK,’ Sarah said. ‘I don’t think he’s ever really complained after one of these.’
Rick would be in even more pain after this procedure but he’d get over it soon enough and as far as he was concerned, that would be the end of his involvement. And…dammit, that really wasn’t acceptable, Sarah realised.
‘He’s an amazing kid,’ Mike was saying warmly as he pressed a gauze swab to the puncture site. ‘One out of the box.’
So true. And if Rick was Josh’s father, he needed to spend enough time with him to see what an incredible person his son was. Everyone who knew this child fell in love with him. Josh deserved to know that his own father was amongst that number.
If Rick thought he could make up for refusing to acknowledge his son merely by going through a medical procedure then he had another think coming his way, courtesy of her. This was what had been niggling at her ever since he’d walked off earlier. Where her anger was stemming from. He was dismissing Josh as a person without seeing how special he was. He should be proud to claim him.
And surely Josh had a right to know who his father was? But how could Sarah tell him if there was rejection in store?
One step at a time, she reminded herself, walking beside Josh’s bed on their journey to the radiology department for the MRI scan. She squeezed his hand, reassuring herself as much as the drowsy child. The next step couldn’t happen until the test results came through and that gave her plenty of time to think about exactly what that step should involve.
The thirteen-year-old boy lay, white and still on a bed in the intensive care unit. Flanked by monitors, IV tubing, medical staff and two distraught-looking parents.
The mother was crying again. The father put his arm around her. ‘He’s still alive,’ he said, his voice raw. ‘It’ll be OK, you’ll see. The doc knows what he’s doing. It’ll be OK.’
He looked down at his son but the glance was brief. The sight was still too horrific. The swathe of bandages around the head. Eyes so swollen you couldn’t see eyelashes even, and then there was the awful bruising and a split lip to cap it off. He must be virtually unrecognisable even to his closest family.
This was the kind of case Rick found particularly gruelling. A whole family torn apart because of a dreadful accident. Simon had been on his way home from school and had been knocked off his bicycle by a speeding delivery van. He had a badly fractured leg, supported by a slab of plaster and padded by pillows until the boy’s condition was stable enough for further surgery. It was much less of a concern than his head injury at this point in time. Right now, Simon was on a ventilator, unable to breathe on his own, and the surgery Rick had just performed held no guarantees for either survival or a good long-term outcome.
Simon’s parents were a mess. Shocked and terrified but desperate to be with their son. This had to be every parent’s worst nightmare and Rick had seen it all too often.
Was this why he’d never given serious thought to having a family of his own? He wasn’t totally averse to the notion like Jet was, but neither could he imagine embracing the concept as Max had done. He was somewhere between the two. The desire was there but still dormant. Weighed down, perhaps, by the legacy of his own childhood.
Along with the logistics of attaining the state of parenthood, the motivation to deal with the downsides of parenting had made it all too easy to shove the whole concept into the ‘too hard’ basket and leave it there. And if it stayed in there so long it was too late to do anything about it, the whole issue might just quietly go away and he’d be able to take comfort in the thought that he couldn’t have really wanted it badly enough in any case.
It was getting late by the time Rick left the ICU, but for a while he hung around the wards, reviewing his inpatients. He was reluctant to head home because it would mean a visit to his office to collect his keys.
Had it only been a few days ago when he’d been less than happy with the company of his mates and had wanted time alone to get his head sorted? Now, when he’d had enough of himself, there was no opportunity to obtain the kind of company he needed.
He’d assured Max that he would be absolutely fine. That Max couldn’t possibly postpone the week in Rarotonga that he and Ellie and Mattie had lined up for their honeymoon. He’d meant every word of it at the time, of course, but then he hadn’t known that Jet would receive a summons back to his elite army medical unit. A three-month stint that would see him involved in training exercises and deployment to any areas that might need the specialised skills of the unit. He’d left town yesterday, with his personal belongings in a backpack, his bike under cover in Rick’s garage and the satisfied gleam of impending adventure lighting his features.
Rick had no one to talk to.
About the rough day he’d had at work.
Or about the envelope that had landed in his in-box this afternoon, seconds before the call to the emergency department where Simon had been waiting.
He knew what was in that envelope.
The DNA results.
The slip of paper inside could be a passport to freedom but it could also be a life sentence.
Being a father might not be a choice he had the luxury of making. It might be about to blindside him and, despite thinking he had found a solution that would work for everybody involved, he still had no idea how he was going to react if he discovered he really was Josh’s father.
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Alison Roberts
The Unsung Hero
Alison Roberts
www.millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk)
Cover (#ubc975aba-22e3-5c7a-ae5e-dfe7e3b6e94a)
Title Page (#u8c296803-d3ae-5eb8-81e4-86dcb30b98aa)
Praise for Alison Roberts: (#u0643ac1d-c1a6-59e5-988c-ba8d81acd34a)
About the Author (#u524ee093-dee2-5e96-bdbf-bfbded4aa60e)
Chapter One (#u83a27755-41ee-5f91-b9e4-b7b6741fce76)
Chapter Two (#uc0c79728-0be0-5adb-8bc9-c45c6824a182)
Chapter Three (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Four (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Five (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Six (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Seven (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Eight (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Nine (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Ten (#litres_trial_promo)
Copyright (#litres_trial_promo)
Praise for Alison Roberts:
TWINS FOR CHRISTMAS ‘I had never read anything by Alison Roberts prior to reading TWINS FOR CHRISTMAS, but after reading this enchanting novella I shall certainly add her name to my auto-buy list!’ —Cataromance.com
NURSE, NANNY…BRIDE! ‘Ms Roberts produces her usual entertaining blend of medicine and romance in just the right proportion, with a brooding but compelling hero and both leads with secrets to hide.’ —Mills and Boon
website reader review
About the Author
ALISON ROBERTS lives in Christchurch, New Zealand. She began her working career as a primary school teacher, but now juggles available working hours between writing and active duty as an ambulance officer. Throwing in a large dose of parenting, housework, gardening and pet-minding keeps life busy, and teenage daughter Becky is responsible for an increasing number of days spent on equestrian pursuits. Finding time for everything can be a challenge, but the rewards make the effort more than worthwhile.
CHAPTER ONE
TIME stood still.
Rick Wilson had never actually understood that phrase before this moment but, man, he did now.
It was kind of like one of those three-hundred-and-sixty-degree shots in a movie where something was frozen in space but the rest of the scene continued around it. He was part of that scene but where he was and what he was here for became suddenly and completely irrelevant.
It seemed extraordinary that nobody else had noticed but why would they? The only thing that had really stopped was in his head. A stun-gun effect on his thought processes from that first sight of…perfection, that was the only word for it.
Some kind of goddess in a floaty blue dress. Long, long blonde hair, some of which had been wound around her head and adorned with tiny, white flowers. She was tall and slim and he’d put good money on her eyes being blue. Dark blue.
Who was she and where the hell had she been? Nowhere near his world, that was for sure, because he would have remembered.
More than his brain had been stunned but it wasn’t until the need for oxygen made Rick suck in a rather deep breath that he realised his chest had also been immobilised. The sound he made elicited a nudge from the man standing close by his side. And a look. He might as well have had a bubble over his head like a cartoon character as well. One that said, Do me a favour and try and keep your hands off her for the duration of the ceremony at least.
No worries. Rick’s grin flashed back. How long could a ceremony last, after all?
Suddenly, the annoyance of wearing the ridiculous bow-tie and the vaguely trapped feeling that weddings in general, and this one in particular, always gave him became worthwhile. He was actually pleased he was dressed up to the nines. That he would be here for hours and that one of his official duties was to partner the bridesmaid. The goddess, no less.
She was much closer now. With a supreme effort, Rick tried to stop staring. He managed to switch off the mental zoom lens and take in some of the wider picture. He could hear the music and see the way the small gathering of guests in this garden setting had twisted in their seats to watch the bride and her bridesmaid approaching. A small boy was in front of the two women, throwing handfuls of rose petals from the basket he was carrying.
The sight of the child triggered a process of recalling snatches of conversations he now wished he’d paid more attention to. Worry over the choice of a bridesmaid because…that’s right, she had a kid who was very sick. Only it wasn’t her kid, exactly. He was a nephew or something but she was his only family and she was clearly some sort of saint because she’d been travelling the globe trying to track down his biological father so that the kid’s leukaemia could be treated with a bone-marrow transplant.
What was her name?
Rick was thinking hard as he watched the boy being directed to sit in an empty seat in the front row.
Sarah.
That was it. Nice name.
He had to wait while the bridesmaid positioned herself beside the bride and took charge of the bouquet but, finally, she looked up and caught his welcoming smile. Her eyes widened a fraction and she held the eye contact for a heartbeat longer. Then she looked away as the celebrant began to speak and welcome those gathered to witness the ceremony. It took Rick a few seconds to realise why he was feeling oddly poleaxed again.
She hadn’t smiled back, that was why.
Sarah had to take a deep, deep breath.
It was good that she had the bouquet to hold because it effectively hid the slight tremor she could feel in her hands. She hadn’t expected him to look at her like that—as though he couldn’t wait to launch a campaign to jump her bones. A stupid oversight, really, because she ought to be used to that kind of reaction from men by now. It was just so wildly inappropriate at this moment that she had an insane urge to slap his face. So she held on to that bunch of flowers for dear life and listened to the familiar words of a traditional wedding ceremony.
‘I, Maxwell McAdam, take thee, Eleanor Peters, to be my wife. To have and to hold…’
Maybe she’d misinterpreted the look. He was probably just a nice guy, as Ellie had assured her he was. He was the best man and it was his job to look after the bridesmaid, wasn’t it? To be friendly.
‘To love and cherish from this day forward. This is my solemn vow.’
Sarah found her gaze drifting sideways in the tiny pause as the bride, her friend Ellie, prepared to take her turn to recite the vows. If Rick was doing his job properly, he’d be focused on the ceremony. Thinking about the rings he would need to produce very soon. To her consternation, however, she found herself catching his direct gaze again. How long had he been looking at her?
At least he was looking suitably serious this time, with no hint of that confident, playboy smile but there was a question in those dark eyes that had nothing to do with what they were a part of at this moment and if she simply turned away it would be a rebuff that could have repercussions.
Enormous repercussions.
Her tiny smile might have been hesitant but it was enough for that unspoken question to vanish. For Rick’s face to soften a fraction in that split second before they both looked away.
‘I, Eleanor Peters, take thee, Maxwell McAdam, to be my husband. To have and to hold…’
The first kiss as husband and wife was a moment that would be etched on Rick’s brain for ever. The way Max and Ellie looked at each other. The soft intensity in the way their lips touched to seal their commitment. The way the kiss went on…and on.
Impossible not to feel the power of the link between this newly married couple and it was strong enough to give Rick an odd twisting sensation in his gut. A combination of recognition and…loss?
Recognition was automatic. He’d known Max since high school. Since, along with Jet and Matt, they’d formed a brotherhood that had become true family for all of them. Labelled the ‘bad boys’, they’d had the kind of bond that meant you’d put your life on the line for them in a heartbeat and life without the strength and power of that support crew was unimaginable.
Loss came from the uneasy feeling that the order of his universe was changing because one of the ‘bad boys’ was no longer a single entity. He had a ready-made family, in fact, what with Ellie’s baby Mattie. Fast bike rides and nights out with fabulous women were a thing of the past. Max was now committed to sharing his life with a woman and the bond between them was clearly cemented with the same kind of soul-deep glue that Rick had only known with the brotherhood.
Was it really possible to feel that way about a woman?
The guests were clapping and cheering. A whistle or two could be heard. Rick glanced sideways to where Jet was seated in the front row. The third ‘bad boy’ had been given the responsibility of caring for baby Mattie during the ceremony and he was still holding her with the kind of expression that made Rick think of a bomb-disposal expert in the middle of a dangerous mission. A focused scowl that suggested appreciation of both the significance of the mission and its less-than-desirable potential.
Noticing the direction of Rick’s gaze, Jet rolled his eyes as the kiss finally wound up. It took him back to the conversation they’d had only last night, over a few beers. To them both vowing to avoid the kind of commitment Max had chosen. They’d keep their bikes, thanks very much. They’d work hard and play hard and take all the fun life had to offer because they knew damn well how short it could be.
The boy beside Jet was making a disgusted face but then he grinned repentantly at Sarah, who had also looked away from the couple. It was inevitable that their gazes brushed as they turned back to their duties. With the image of that kiss still burning itself into Rick’s memory cells, along with the reminder of that vow to play hard and get the most out of life, it was just as inevitable that his gaze dropped from Sarah’s eyes to her mouth.
Such a soft-looking, deliciously kissable kind of mouth.
He felt his breath leave his lungs in a soft sigh as he wondered…
No, make that anticipated. And, knowing he could trust that very pleasant curl in his gut, he knew that kissing Sarah was something he had very good reason to look forward to. All he needed now was a smooth opening line and that shouldn’t be a problem given the amount of practice he’d had over the last decade or more.
First, there were the congratulations to be given to the newly married couple. Rick thumped Max on the back to accentuate his hug and then kissed Ellie, whose eyes were shining with joyous tears.
‘Thanks, Rick.’ She turned from him to receive Sarah’s hug. ‘‘Bout time we introduced you two,’ she said. ‘Rick, this is—’
‘Sarah,’ he cut in, smiling. ‘I’ve heard all about you.’
She looked disconcerted, turning back to Ellie, but the bride was being taken to a small table on one side of the flower-covered gazebo to deal with the paperwork.
‘W-what have you heard?’
‘You’re an old friend of Ellie’s.’
‘We were flatmates in Auckland.’
‘And didn’t you sublet your apartment here to Max?’
‘Yes. I was away in the States for a while.’
Rick nodded. ‘So, really, you’re responsible for this wedding happening. If Ellie hadn’t come looking for you, she would never have met Max.’
And he would never have met Sarah. Now, that could have been a smooth opening gambit except that he didn’t have time to deliver it. The signatures of the witnesses were now required and both Rick and Sarah had duties to perform. After that, group photographs were taken with the lovely backdrop of this garden that Max and Ellie’s new property boasted, the photographer’s attention focused on the bride and groom. Rick had more time to think but, annoyingly, inspiration wouldn’t strike.
Maybe that had something to do with the munchkins. Mattie was back in her mother’s arms now, much to Jet’s obvious relief, and the boy was glued to Sarah’s side as they watched some family shots being taken. Ellie held Mattie and Max held Ellie and nobody who saw those photographs in years to come would ever guess that Max wasn’t Mattie’s biological father.
It didn’t even seem that crazy any more, though Rick certainly couldn’t see himself putting his hand up to adopt an infant. He took another glance at the boy standing beside Sarah. Weird that her living accessory wasn’t the deal-breaker it would have been even a few months ago but this was a kid, not a baby, and, anyway, he was a special enough case to make allowances for.
‘Let’s get a photo of all the boys in their suits,’ Ellie suggested. ‘Josh, come and stand with Max and Rick.’
‘Do I have to?’
‘Yes.’ Sarah gave him a stern look but then smiled winningly. ‘Please? For me? And Ellie?’
Oh, man…That was a real smile. One that no man could possibly resist. Even a half-grown one.
‘All right. I s’pose,’ Josh grumbled.
He was soon standing between the groom and the best man, a miniature version of the two tall men in his small suit and bow-tie. He had dark hair, too. What was left of it. Rick could see the pale skin of the boy’s scalp and knew it wouldn’t be long before he was completely bald. He could also see that Sarah was watching him watch Josh and she had an odd look on her face.
Did she know that he knew the history? Was she worried that it might colour the way he talked to the boy? She needn’t worry. Rick dealt with a lot of seriously ill children and he wasn’t about to talk down to the lad or exude sympathy. The smile he gave Sarah was intended to reassure her but, strangely, she looked distinctly uncomfortable.
If it hadn’t been too weird a thought to entertain, he might have even interpreted her expression as vaguely guilty.
Did she think he was directing sympathy at her, maybe? As if. He had enough sensitivity to know that she wouldn’t appreciate that. She was clearly a strong and capable woman. Someone who’d taken on the responsibility of a child who wasn’t her own. Who was having to cope with the disaster of that child becoming gravely ill and who was doing everything she possibly could to put things right.
He respected that. Good grief, she’d gone to the other side of the world to try and track down the boy’s dad and when she’d discovered he wasn’t the one, she’d headed back to chase up another lead. Hopefully, that had proved successful. What with all the drama of Max and Ellie in recent months and then getting them shifted to this house and the wedding being planned, Rick hadn’t caught up on any further news about that. He had heard that Josh had been in hospital again in Auckland, which was why Sarah had only just made it to Dunedin in time to be Ellie’s bridesmaid. Maybe that had been for the transplant.
‘Hey, buddy.’ He winked at Josh as they positioned themselves near an old sundial in a corner of the garden. ‘How’s it going?’
Josh eyed him warily.
‘I’m Rick.’
‘I know. You’re Max’s friend.’
‘Yep.’ Both men spoke together and then Max put his arm over Josh’s shoulders as cameras whirred. ‘Rick’s got a Ducati too. Just like mine.’ He raised an eyebrow at Rick. ‘Josh was looking at that photo of us last night. With the bikes.’
‘Max said he might give me a ride one day.’
‘Cool.’ Rick had no trouble smiling for the camera. Maybe this was it. His ticket for getting to know Sarah. Max was going to be very busy settling into married life. He could offer to give Josh that ride.
‘I don’t think so.’
Sarah held out her hand to accept the glass of juice she had requested at the drinks table, congratulating herself on being so restrained.
Had Rick been waiting for a moment when she was away from everybody else to make his unwelcome offer to give Josh a ride on his motorbike?
Over my dead body had been the words that first sprang to mind but she had managed—with difficulty—to stop them emerging. She didn’t want to antagonise this man. OK, maybe this was a long shot but it was the only shot she had left and she couldn’t afford to throw it away. And maybe she should have been as prepared for something like this as for the way Rick was making no secret of finding her attractive.
He was totally irresponsible. The kind of good-looking—well, OK, make that great-looking guy who skated through life getting everything he wanted and to hell with any less than pleasant consequences. How old was he? Thirty-five or-six? High time he woke up and smelled the coffee, that’s for sure, but what was she going to do if he simply refused?
‘I’m not suggesting anything remotely dangerous.’ Rick pulled a can of lager from the nest of ice in a big silver tub. ‘Just a slow crawl around the block, or something.’
The smile revealed that Rick Wilson usually got what he wanted and no wonder. It was a winning smile, for sure. Confident and lazy. Softening a face of definite lines and a shadowed jaw that had ‘bad boy’ stamped all over it. Soft, dark hair that had been neatly combed into place a while back but the breeze in this outdoor setting had detached a single lock that almost touched an equally dark eyebrow. Eyes that had a hint of mischief that any woman would have trouble resisting.
Any other woman, that was.
‘I don’t think so,’ Sarah repeated, trying very hard not to put a punctuation mark between each word. She even added a smile of her own. ‘But thanks anyway.’
His smile faded. A tiny frown appeared between his eyes.
Oh…help.
As if in answer to the silent plea, there was a rustle of silk beside her and Ellie reached for one of the cans in the tub of ice.
‘For Max.’ She grinned in response to Rick’s raised eyebrows. ‘He’s got his hands full of baby at the moment.’ Then she looked from Rick to Sarah and she paused, her eyes widening.
Sarah gave her head a tiny shake. No, she hadn’t broken her promise.
‘Rick was just offering to give Josh a ride on his bike,’ she said, her tone carefully neutral.
‘Oh…’ Ellie bit her lip, giving Rick an oddly sympathetic glance. ‘Um…Josh’s mother was killed when she was a pillion passenger on her boyfriend’s bike,’ she said quietly.
Rick winced visibly. ‘Sorry.’
‘No worries. You weren’t to know.’ Sarah could see Josh approaching. ‘Here’s your juice,’ she said brightly. ‘Want something to eat as well?’
‘Nah. I’ve already had heaps. Can we go down to the beach? Max says there’s a jetty and you can go fishing.’
‘Maybe another day. We’re here for the wedding, remember? And not for too much longer, either. You don’t want to get too tired when you’re going to be starting school again this week.’
This wasn’t going well.
If it wasn’t his wedding day, he might have given Max a bit of stick for setting him up for that little disaster of offering Josh the opportunity to get maimed or worse.
He still could, if he made a joke of it, but there was something even more disturbing that needed his attention urgently.
Sarah was talking to Jet now. Smiling and nodding at something he was saying. Rick broke off the conversation he was having with some theatre nurses he knew and moved in their direction. The clock was ticking here because who knew how long it would be before she whisked Josh off home? And what if she was busy agreeing to a date or something? No. Rick could be pretty sure he was safe on that score. Jet wouldn’t go near a woman who had a child. The mere mention of babies had been enough at times for his mate to hold up crossed fingers and make a hissing sound to ward off bad voodoo.
‘We’ll have to see how it goes,’ Sarah was saying as he got close enough to hear. ‘One step at a time.’
‘Hey…’ Jet seemed happy enough to include Rick in the conversation. ‘Did you know Sarah’s a specialised ICU nurse? She’s coming back to work at Queen Mary’s next week.’
‘Just casual to start with,’ Sarah added. ‘I’m not sure how it’ll go. All depends on Josh, of course.’
‘Of course.’ Rick gave up trying to find a smooth opening line. Instead, he went for something much more mundane. ‘Our paths will be crossing. I spend quite a good percentage of my time in ICU.’
‘You’re a neurosurgeon, yes?’
‘Yes.’ This was good. Had she been asking someone about him? Even better that she would be working in that department. Given that neurosurgery was often the main specialty involved in cases like head injuries, he often spent considerable periods of time in ICU. But then he frowned.
‘Coming back? You’ve worked there before?’ Surely he would have spotted her. In the unit or the cafeteria. Even the car park, dammit. He was absolutely certain he would have noticed.
Sarah’s expression was rueful. ‘I applied for a job and got it but I never actually did a shift. That was when Josh got diagnosed.’
‘ALL?’ Jet queried.
Sarah’s nod was grim. Acute lymphoblastic leukaemia was the stuff of parental nightmares. ‘The next few months were a bit of a blur. All the invasive diagnostic tests and then induction chemotherapy. I lived in the children’s oncology unit.’
‘Good response to induction?’ It was Jet who spoke again.
Sarah shook her head this time. ‘Slow enough to be a real concern. We finally achieved remission but that was when I was told he was a candidate for an early HSCT.’
Rick was listening carefully despite being fascinated by watching Sarah’s face as she spoke. She was genuine all right. Nuances of emotion played across her features and he could feel the agony she’d been through. God help him, but he had an insane urge to wrap her into his arms and hold her close. He shook it off and focused on what she’d been saying.
HSCT. Haematopoietic stem-cell transplant. More commonly known as a bone-marrow transplant.
‘And that took you to the States?’ he asked. ‘To try and locate a donor?’
Sarah’s gaze flicked in his direction. She hesitated before responding but he couldn’t read her expression this time. It was almost as if shutters had come down but he could tell she was struggling with something. Then she looked away from both her companions, her gaze raking the small crowd now scattered throughout the garden.
Many were holding champagne glasses and some had plates, having helped themselves to a sumptuous afternoon tea from the table laden with silver, tiered stands that held everything from savouries and sandwiches to tiny cupcakes decorated with hearts. Imitating Sarah’s observation, Rick spotted Josh, who was sitting on the wide steps of the terrace beside Max, who was feeding Mattie with a bottle.
Of course. She wouldn’t want to be discussing this if Josh was within earshot.
‘We heard that didn’t work out,’ he said gently. ‘But Auckland was more successful, yes?’
‘What?’ Those dark blue eyes flashed with…what?…alarm? ‘What makes you say that?’
Rick sighed inwardly. He was only trying to be interested here. Supportive. Was she always this prickly?
‘Ellie mentioned that Josh was in hospital, that’s all. And that was why there was some doubt about whether you’d make it to the wedding. I knew you’d gone to Auckland because of another donor possibility so I was hoping that was due to a transplant happening.’
‘No.’ He could see the deep breath Sarah took. ‘He got sick. Pneumonia. A bug he probably picked up from the plane trip home.’
She was watching Josh again. Ellie had gone over to the steps and was sitting beside her brand-new husband but leaning forward, talking to Josh on his other side. Then she stood up and began walking towards Rick. He glanced at Jet but there seemed to be nothing to say to break the suddenly tense silence enclosing the three of them.
Josh’s condition was fragile. He might or might not still be in remission but even if he was, he was at risk due to his suppressed immune system that the maintenance drug regime would cause. Any bacterial, viral or fungal infection could be potentially fatal. Ellie joined the group but it didn’t relieve the tension. If anything, it went up a notch or two even before she spoke.
‘Sarah…I’m sorry but Josh isn’t feeling very well. He says he’s got a headache and he thinks he’s going to be sick.’
‘Oh, no!’ Rick saw the colour drain from Sarah’s face.
‘It could just be too many chocolate éclairs and sunshine but…’
The tiny word hung in the air. It could be an infection of some kind. It could even be a sign of a central nervous system relapse, which would not only take away the status of remission but could escalate the progression of this boy’s disease.
‘I’ll have to get him checked.’ Sarah’s eyes were bright. Too bright. Glittering with unshed tears? ‘Oh, God…We’ve only just got over the last setback. He was so desperate to stay well enough to go to school again.’
‘I’m so sorry.’ Ellie was biting her bottom lip. ‘Jet could take you into Emergency.’ She turned. ‘You’ve got a shift starting later tonight, haven’t you?’
‘Yeah.’
‘He knows everyone,’ she said to Sarah. ‘He’ll make sure Josh gets the best of care.’
‘I’ll go too,’ Rick announced.
The others all looked at him in surprise.
‘Jet and I came together,’ he said quickly. ‘In my car. It’s not as if you guys are planning formal speeches or anything, are you?’ He didn’t give Ellie time to respond. ‘Jet can look after Josh and everything that needs to happen. I can look after Sarah.’
It felt good to say that. And he meant every word. Smooth opening lines or first kisses were the last thing on his mind right now. This was about a potentially sick kid and the woman who was, effectively, his mother. There was no hidden agenda or ulterior motive.
The ‘bad boys’ weren’t being disbanded by this marriage, he realised in a moment of sudden clarity. The tribe was simply expanding. Ellie was a part of it and, by association, Sarah came under the same protective umbrella. That was what this was about. Solidarity. A tribe thing.
So why did Sarah and Ellie exchange a glance that made him feel as if he’d stepped into a minefield?
‘I think…’ Ellie spoke after a loaded pause and her voice sounded strange. ‘That might be quite a good idea, don’t you, Sarah?’
Equally strangely, Sarah had closed her eyes as though offering up a silent prayer. She opened them slowly, stared at Ellie for a second and then turned her head towards Rick.
The gaze was so intense it rang alarm bells that were positively deafening. What the hell was going on here?
‘Yes.’ Sarah sounded perfectly calm, which was weird in itself. ‘It is a good idea. Can we go now, please?’
Josh had been diagnosed with leukaemia here at Queen Mary’s and it became rapidly obvious that he was a favourite patient amongst the paediatric oncology staff that got summoned to the emergency department. One of the registrars even called his consultant, Mike Randall, who said he would be coming in to see what was happening.
A lot was happening. Numerous blood tests and a chest X-ray. An exhaustive physical examination, abdominal ultrasound and a lumbar puncture. Jet changed into scrubs and simply went on shift early but Rick was left with little to do but be there and observe, feeling somewhat ridiculous in his dinner suit and the bow-tie, which had come undone but he wasn’t about to bother retying it.
Sarah would have probably felt absurdly overdressed, too, in that long frock and with the flowers still in her hair but it didn’t seem to occur to her. As pale as her nephew, she was there by his side for every moment. Holding his hand for the blood tests and curled protectively close to his head throughout the lumbar puncture procedure. Rustling in her long dress as she walked beside his bed when it was rolled to a different area. She said little but seemed grateful to have Jet and Rick there to smooth the admission process and the transition of care to the oncology department.
Josh was just as stoical as Sarah. The hospital environment and these frightening and painful procedures were a part of life for both of them now and they were in it together. With every passing minute, Rick became more aware of the striking bond between these two. Of their courage. Josh didn’t cry, even once, and Rick was left convinced that Sarah was a vital component of any treatment for this child. The gentle way she touched him, almost constantly, and the way she held direct eye contact throughout the worst moments, infusing him with both strength and comfort, touched something very deep in Rick.
All his younger patients had families that loved them and would do anything they could to help but he’d never witnessed a bond quite like this. They were both special but Sarah…she was astonishing.
By the time the consultant, Mike, arrived, the early testing was complete and Josh had been moved to a private room in the children’s ward. Surprisingly, Max turned up at the same time.
‘What are you doing here, man?’ Rick asked. ‘It’s your wedding night! ‘
‘Ellie sent me in with some clothes for Sarah and to find out what’s happening. How’s Josh?’
‘I think we’re about to find out.’ Rick tilted his head to where Mike was gripping Sarah’s hand.
‘I hoped it would be an outpatient appointment when we got to see you again,’ the older doctor was saying. ‘You’ve only just come down from Auckland, haven’t you?’
‘Yesterday,’ Sarah confirmed wryly.
They both looked at the still figure of the sleeping child on the bed beside them. He had a pulse oximeter on a finger and an IV line snaking up from a heavily bandaged elbow to the stand supporting bags of medicated fluids.
‘Let’s step outside for a minute so we don’t wake him up,’ Mike suggested. ‘He’ll be worn out by now, I suspect.’
He raised his eyebrows as they reached the two men standing by the door. ‘Rick…this is a bit out of your field, isn’t it? And, Max…didn’t I hear you were getting married today?’
‘I did. Sarah was our bridesmaid and Josh was the pageboy.’
‘Ahh…’ Mike’s smile was warm. ‘And there I was thinking you’d all dressed up on my account.’
He pulled the door almost closed behind him and they drifted closer to the window where they could still see Josh. The ward was quiet ant the corridor dimly lit, with evening visiting hours well over. A baby began crying somewhere and a child’s voice called out for her mother. It was a subdued and slightly miserable background.
Mike spoke softly. ‘We still haven’t got all the results back yet, of course. And I’ve scheduled a bone-marrow biopsy and MRI scan for tomorrow morning.’
Sarah made a low sound of distress that cut Rick like a sharp blade. Mike’s face creased in sympathy.
‘I know. I’m sorry. The good news is that his fever’s dropped and his lungs are clear. There’s no significant change in the size of his liver or spleen and his kidney function’s looking good. Even better, this doesn’t look like CNS involvement. I think the symptoms are probably due to a virus and we’ve got treatment under way to deal with it. Antivirals and antibiotics to cover all the bases.’
‘He was going to try and go back to school this week. Said he’d wear a mask even if it made him look like a freak.’
Mike shook his head, dismissing the possibility. ‘We’ll have him in here for a bit. I want to make sure he’s still in remission. If not, we’re going to have to get back into a pretty aggressive chemotherapy programme.’
Sarah closed her eyes and Rick could sense her struggle in trying to find the strength to face what was coming. He felt helpless.
‘What about HSCT?’ he asked Mike. ‘That’s going to be the best option, isn’t it?’
Mike’s expression was grim. ‘No siblings, unfortunately. Sarah’s the only family and she’s nowhere near a match. Nothing’s come up on the bone-marrow register and she hasn’t been able to trace Josh’s father.’ He turned to Sarah. ‘You didn’t get any further in your hunt in Auckland, did you?’
Her eyes were open now. She was staring at Rick but her gaze flicked back to Mike.
‘Actually, I think I did. Quite by chance and only because of Josh being admitted for the chest infection. One of the nurses in the ward had been working there for ages and she seemed to know everybody.’
‘And?’ There was an undercurrent of excitement in Mike’s tone.
‘I’ve got a possibility to chase up. I…I’m just not sure how co-operative he might be.’
‘You think he’d refuse to help?’ Rick could hear more than a hint of outrage in his own voice.
‘He might. He doesn’t even know he’s got a son yet.’
Rick gave a dismissive snort. ‘Tough. It’s not as if he’s had to take any responsibility so far, is it?’
‘No.’
Sarah’s agreement was cautious. She was giving him an odd look, as though wondering why he was pushing this, but there was an element of something like hope in her face and that made Rick feel good. Very good. He was helping here.
‘But that’s not exactly his fault,’ she added. ‘He didn’t know. I don’t think Josh’s mother even knew.’
‘Doesn’t matter.’ Rick was confident now. He ignored the way Max was staring at him as though he was about to step off a cliff or something. He could support Sarah in this quest. Help her. Maybe help Josh as well. ‘If he’s a decent human being,’ he said firmly, ‘then getting tested is the least he can do.’
Sarah looked away from him to Max who gave her a slow nod of encouragement. She looked back at Rick.
‘I hope you meant that,’ she said softly. ‘How soon do you think you could arrange to have the test?’
CHAPTER TWO
‘What?’
He was looking at her as if she was some kind of alien species, clearly unable to make any sense of her request. Sarah glanced at Max but he was watching his friend and had an expression of sympathy that made her heart sink. He knew how hard it would be for Rick to accept the idea he could be Josh’s father. And maybe he wasn’t. Maybe she was making life difficult for all sorts of people unnecessarily but she had no choice, did she?
This was about Josh.
Mike Randall was frowning. ‘I’m confused,’ he confessed. ‘What’s Rick got to do with this, Sarah?’
‘Absolutely nothing.’ Rick held up his hands in an eloquent gesture of denial. ‘Look, I’m sorry, Sarah. I’ve got no idea where this is coming from but you couldn’t be more wrong.’
Sarah swallowed hard. She directed her next words at Mike rather than Rick. ‘I was chasing someone I thought was called Richard. Known as Rick. I couldn’t find any Richard. Then someone suggested that Rick could be short for Eric and…bingo.’
She heard an angry huff of sound from Rick. He turned, walked a couple of jerky steps, shoving his sleeves clear of his wrists as though preparing to do battle. Then he swung back to face them all, shaking his head incredulously.
‘I mean, I know I haven’t exactly been a monk but…for God’s sake, I wasn’t even in the country at the time Josh would have been conceived…what, eight or nine years ago? I was in Sydney on a postgraduate surgical course for two years. Wasn’t I, Max?’
‘Ah…Yes, but—’
‘There isn’t a “but”.’ Rick was staring at Max with lines of bewilderment creasing his face now. He was being attacked here. Where was the back-up he clearly expected? Max looked as though he was in physical pain. He wanted, more than anything, to be able to provide the support his friend desperately wanted but he couldn’t do it because he knew something Rick didn’t.
Sarah waited, knowing that Rick would turn back to her eventually. She was the one initiating this attack, wasn’t she? So she watched him, seeing the way he straightened his spine and the way his hands curled into fists of frustration. It was the bewilderment that really got to her, though. A window of vulnerability in a man who might otherwise seem invincible. Big. Strong. Clever. Impossibly gorgeous right now with the sleeves of that dinner jacket shoved onto his forearms and the top button of his shirt undone with the ends of that black tie hanging on each side.
Sure enough, he turned to make eye contact with her and it was like a physical blow. As though she had betrayed him.
She had to swallow hard. ‘How old do you think Josh is, Rick?’
‘Seven,’ he said promptly, dredging up another fragment of a conversation in past weeks. ‘Or maybe eight.’ He flicked a challenging glance at Max.
‘That’s what I thought,’ Max said apologetically. ‘But it was a guess, Rick. I—’
‘I know he’s small for his age,’ Sarah interrupted, trying to let Max off the hook. ‘But he’s nine. Coming up to nine and a half. He was conceived in Auckland a bit over ten years ago.’
Rick was still glaring at Max. ‘You knew about this, didn’t you?’
‘Only since last night.’ Max sighed heavily. ‘It’s not as if I’ve had a chance to talk to you. Sarah promised not to say anything until after the wedding. I was going to warn you, mate.’
Sarah caught Mike’s glance. Friction on a personal level between these two men wasn’t going to be helpful. He raised his eyebrows and Sarah nodded.
‘I went to the States,’ she said, ‘to find the man who was on Josh’s birth certificate. The man my sister genuinely thought was Josh’s father as far as I could tell. He thought he might be, too and actually got excited by the idea. He couldn’t wait to do the DNA test and he was gutted when it turned out that Josh couldn’t possibly be his son.’
Rick snorted. ‘You’ll get the same result from me,’ he said coldly. ‘Except I won’t be pretending I’m gutted.’ He shook his head. ‘You’re wasting your time.
And mine.’
Sarah was finding it hard to stay calm. He was simply going to refuse to accept the possibility, wasn’t he? This might turn into a dead end that could haunt her for ever.
‘My sister’s name was Lucy,’ she said with a tiny wobble in her voice. ‘She was two years older than me and we looked very alike.’
He couldn’t deny he found her attractive, surely? His interest had been flashing like a neon sign from the first moment he’d laid eyes on her. The kind of physical attributes people found attractive in the opposite sex didn’t change that much. She had always been drawn to tall, dark men. Like Rick.
She sighed again, inwardly this time, at the regret that tugged deep inside. In another lifetime she might have been having a very different kind of conversation with Rick Wilson.
‘Lucy Prescott?’ she prompted. ‘Ring any bells?’
‘No.’ The word was a growl.
‘The man who wasn’t Josh’s father remembered her. It had only been a brief affair but he’d been in love with her. He’d said he’d known he was failing to measure up to the previous man in her life. Only a one-night stand, Lucy had said, and it was never going to go anywhere, but it was all too obvious that she would have preferred it to.’
And Sarah could understand why now. She could also begin to understand why her sister had always kept it a secret. A private fantasy that might have been discredited by sharing it with anyone, even her sister. Rick was one of a kind and he would have been completely out of her league back then when Lucy had been just a shy, country girl starting out on her nursing training.
‘He went to the States a month or so later,’ she finished. ‘He never knew Lucy was pregnant. She refused to tell him. Or say who the father was. I only found that out when I requested Josh’s birth certificate after he got sick.’
Silence fell as she finished speaking. Through the crack in the nearby door came a soft whimper.
Sarah tensed and then breathed out with a sigh of resignation. She had to go back to Josh, to be there when he woke up, but it wasn’t as if there wasn’t any point in saying anything more right now. She had dropped the bombshell. The best thing she could do was give Rick the space to get his head around it.
It was hard not to add a plea of some kind before she turned away. Especially seeing as Rick was giving her his undivided attention. Or maybe he was hoping he could make her go ‘poof’ and disappear from his life by sheer willpower. She held his gaze for a long second.
Please, she begged silently. Just…please.
Mike followed Sarah back into the room to check on his young patient and Rick was left in the corridor with just Max for company.
He turned on his heel and began to walk away.
‘Hey…’ Max sounded alarmed. ‘Where are you going?’
‘To find someone to talk to,’ Rick snapped. ‘A mate who might genuinely be in my corner.’
‘I’m in your corner.’ Max caught up with him well before he reached the elevators.
That hadn’t been the impression he’d just got. Rick didn’t pause to push the button or wait for a lift. He didn’t want to give Max the chance to say anything else. Shoving the fire-escape door open, he took to the stairs, ignoring the sound of the footsteps following him. He didn’t even look over his shoulder as he barged into the emergency department.
Jet was listening to a patient’s chest in a cubicle near the internal doors. He glanced up, took in the expression on Rick’s face and smoothly unhooked the earpieces to hang the stethoscope around his neck.
‘You’re quite right,’ he said to the registrar beside him. ‘Order a chest X-ray and start some diuretics. I’ll be in the office for a few minutes. Page me if I’m needed.’ With a commanding jerk of his head, he led both Rick and Max into one of the consultants’ offices.
‘What the hell’s the matter with you two?’
‘Why don’t you ask him?’ Rick growled. He glared at Max.
Jet hooked one leg up to perch on the edge of the desk. He studied Rick for a moment and then turned his attention to Max. And then, surprisingly, he grinned.
‘Takes me right back, this does. Remember when the headmaster caught you two fighting on the dorm floor? You got detention for a month and had to pick up rubbish on the rugby grounds. Matt and I used to fall over ourselves laughing, watching you with your spiky sticks and bags.’
His smile faded, his gaze settling on Max. ‘What? What did I say?’
Max sighed. ‘This has kind of got something to do with Matt, that’s all.’
‘For God’s sake,’ Rick exploded. ‘How can you say that? It’s got nothing to do with Matt.’
‘Of course it has. And if you calmed down and tried using your brain for half a minute, you’d see why. Think about it.’
‘What does he need to think about?’ Jet’s tone was wary.
‘Matt,’ Max said heavily. ‘What life was like for us all when he died.’
Rick looked up at the ceiling. He didn’t realise how hard his fists were clenched until the ache reached his elbows.
Unbearable, that’s what it had been like. Matt had been the final member of their group. The youngest by a few months and a bit smaller but he’d made up for his lack of height with an extra dose of daring and humour and intelligence. Life had been the ultimate adventure for Matt but he had died, tragically, when a brain aneurysm had not been diagnosed in time to save him, despite the warning symptoms. They had all been newly qualified doctors at the time. The remaining three, aching with such a loss, had all blamed themselves in some way for his death.
‘You hit the books, I seem to remember,’ Jet said slowly. ‘We hardly saw you.’
‘And you burned off your grief getting your black belt in that martial arts thing.’ Max nodded. ‘And Rick? Do you remember what he did?’
‘Drank a lot,’ Jet said promptly. ‘And partied like there was no tomorrow.’
‘Exactly.’
The satisfied note in Max’s voice was more than irritating.
‘There’s no “exactly” about it,’ Rick informed them. ‘I’m careful. Even if I’m drunk I’m careful.’
‘Can you honestly put your hand on your heart and swear there might not have been an occasion then when you found you didn’t have anything on hand or were just too blasé to care?’
Rick said nothing. The truth was that that period of time was pretty much a blur now. He’d been trying to forget and it had been a successful mission. He closed his eyes slowly.
Too many parties. Too much alcohol. Way too many girls and most of them had been blue-eyed blondes. Max had married a woman with chestnut hair. Jet thought the darker the better but Rick had always gone for blondes. That particular period wasn’t an indication of how he usually treated women, however, and even now he could feel shame at the way he’d used those girls.
One-night stands had been all that he could do. He’d had enough emotional rubbish to deal with without inviting any more into his life. All he’d wanted had been the temporary release that sex could provide and if it wasn’t enough for the partner, she’d got brushed aside. Names? As much of a blur as the faces. Pick a girl’s name, he thought wearily. Any name could be a contender. Annabelle or Casey or Lisa or…or Lucy. Yes. If Sarah’s sister had been at one of those parties and had been willing, he would have taken advantage of her.
Of course he couldn’t swear to anything and his friends knew it. Maybe talking about this wasn’t such a good idea. It certainly wasn’t helping. Any second now and Jet was going to be taking the side Max was on. The dark side. Rick needed to be alone. A stiff drink or two and some peace and quiet and maybe he could parcel up this feeling of dread and make it go away somehow.
‘Condoms aren’t a magic bullet, anyway,’ Max continued. ‘You know that. They can fail. Or break. How many times have we congratulated ourselves on our hassle-free record? Or so we thought.’
Jet whistled silently. ‘Oh, man…Is this going where I think it’s going?’
Max didn’t seem to have heard him. He was still talking directly to Rick. ‘Lucy looked just like her sister. Maybe your memory of ten-plus years ago is understandably hazy but what about a few hours ago? Your tongue was practically hanging out of your mouth the instant you clapped eyes on Sarah.’
‘Sarah?’ Jet was sitting very still now. Making sense of what was happening around him.
‘Lucy was Sarah’s sister,’ Max said more quietly. ‘Josh’s mother.’
‘Holy cow! And she thinks Rick’s the father?’
‘He could be,’ Max agreed.
‘She’s wrong,’ Rick said at the same time.
‘How do you know?’ Jet asked Rick.
‘I just do.’ Rick knew his tone was desperate. He didn’t know, did he? He just couldn’t begin to imagine the repercussions if she was right. To be presented with a nine-year-old kid? A sick kid? To know that the boy had been in the world for so long and he hadn’t even known he’d existed? No. There was no way to get his head around this.
Max and Jet exchanged a glance.
‘The solution’s simple,’ Jet said. ‘Three letters, mate. DNA.’
Max stepped towards Rick and gripped his upper arm. ‘He’s right. The possibility is there and a kid’s life might depend on it. If nothing else, you can set the record straight and Sarah can keep hunting.’
Yes. There was definitely a possibility there. One that might let him off the hook completely.
‘Fine. I’ll do the damn test.’
The thought that it might exonerate him kept him going until he reached home. The long hours of a solitary, sleepless night, however, put a far more negative spin on the plan.
Maybe fate had it in for him. Perhaps this was his punishment for that wild, irresponsible few months until he’d got both his head and his act back together. And what a punishment it would be. The effect it could have on his life was potentially catastrophic. Having a child could have a major impact on career choices, finances, relationships…
Being a father.
Oh, man…that was a minefield and a half. He couldn’t do it. He had no idea of how a father should behave. He only had to think of his own father to know how they shouldn’t behave but that was no help. His mates wouldn’t be able to help either, would they? They’d all had way less than perfect family lives, which was why they’d all been sent off to boarding school and ended up forging their bond. The kind of family that meant something.
Max would think he’d know but he was getting in on the ground floor with Mattie, wasn’t he? He hadn’t been presented with a child who was old enough to judge performance and find it lacking. Old enough to get hurt, dammit.
It would be a disaster for everybody involved but most especially Josh, who most certainly didn’t need that in his life on top of everything else. He couldn’t do it to him. But if he did turn out to be Josh’s father, he’d have no choice.
The endless merry-go-round of thoughts and emotions finally slowed as dawn broke and in those quiet minutes as a new day was born, Rick found a solution.
If his irresponsibility had created a child and fate had decreed that he could help him in some way, then of course he would do it. Josh didn’t have to know where the bone marrow was coming from. If he didn’t know that his biological father was involved, Rick wouldn’t have to try and be the person Josh would want his father to be. He wouldn’t have to hurt the kid by trying…and failing. It would be kinder all round, really.
Much kinder.
The attraction had been snuffed out. As cleanly as a lamp being switched off. There wasn’t even a flicker of it to be seen when Rick came to the ward the following morning.
He didn’t come into Josh’s room. Just gave Sarah a curt nod through the window and then waited for her to join him in the relative privacy of the corridor.
‘I’ve sorted the tests,’ he told her. ‘DNA, blood and tissue typing. You’ll have to wait for the results.’
‘Thank you.’
It was such an inadequate thing to say. She could see how huge this had been for him. Rick looked as though he hadn’t slept a wink. There were shadows under his eyes and more lines around them than she remembered. It really wasn’t fair that it only added to his appeal or that his appeal for her was still there when it had totally gone from his side of the equation.
She’d done her own share of thinking last night. Imagining Lucy with Rick. Feeling disturbingly…envious.
Just as well that Rick had shut off that static of sexual awareness. They could be colleagues now. A step up from total strangers but new enough to still have to earn trust. And that wasn’t going to be easy because Rick’s demeanour suggested she’d already had his trust and couldn’t have broken it more effectively.
Fair enough. She had tipped his life upside down. Taken away his carefree existence. Put a huge spoke in the entire wheel of his universe, probably.
‘Don’t go getting your hopes up too much,’ Rick warned.
‘I won’t.
But…’
‘But what?’
Amazing that his eyes could darken even further. They were like coals now. Remnants of a fire that had long since died out. Sarah had to look away.
‘Have…have you given any thought to the next step, if…if…?’
Oh, Lord. She couldn’t even say it out loud.
‘If I do turn out to be his father?’ Rick’s mouth curled but it couldn’t be considered any kind of smile. ‘Give me some credit, Sarah,’ he drawled. ‘I’m not stupid.’
‘I wasn’t suggesting you were.’ The putdown sparked something that felt like rebellion. Didn’t he know by now that she was more than prepared to fight for what was right?
‘If I’m his father and there’s enough of a match to make my bone marrow compatible, then of course I’ll be a donor.’
Sarah let out a breath she hadn’t noticed she’d been holding. This was precisely what she’d wanted to hear. So why was she left with this oddly unsatisfied sensation?
‘If—and it’s a mighty big if as far as I’m concerned,’ Rick continued, his voice low and intense. ‘If things do turn out that way and I’m a donor, then that’s the end of it.’
‘Sorry?’ Sarah wasn’t following.
‘I had no idea he existed,’ Rick said. ‘He’s nine years old. It’s a bit late to step into the role of being a father. So I don’t want Josh to be told. Is that clear?’
Sarah’s mouth opened but no words came out.
It was clear all right. But acceptable? That was something else entirely. If she called him on this, however, he might back off and he’d already agreed to being a potential donor. That was all that mattered right now, wasn’t it?
One step at a time.
It wasn’t the first time in their brief acquaintance that she’d had the impression Rick Wilson was a man used to getting what he wanted from life.
He had taken her silence for acquiescence.
‘Good,’ he said. ‘I’m glad we understand each other.’
And with that, he turned and left. Mission accomplished.
That spark of rebellion flared. Any kind of fan could easily see it flame into anger but Sarah had her own mission to deal with.
Intravenous sedation had made Josh sleepy enough not to notice his bed being wheeled into the treatment room of the ward. Or even being rolled onto his stomach and having the skin around his lower spine swabbed with disinfectant and then covered with a sterile drape that had a square hole in its centre.
Sarah positioned herself close to his head and took a small hand in hers.
‘All set?’ Mike was gowned and gloved. He had a syringe full of local anaesthetic in his hand.
Sarah nodded. She focused on Josh’s face rather than watching the needle. She saw the crease on his forehead that let her know he was aware of his skin being pierced. The deeper frown and tiny whimper that told her the bone was now being frozen.
Despite the sedation and all the local anaesthetic, the next part of the procedure was painful. Not that Josh would remember any of it, thanks to the medication, but Sarah would. The sleepy groans and embryonic sobs brought tears to her own eyes and she ended up having to sniff audibly.
‘You OK, Sarah?’
‘Yes.’
‘Not much longer.’
‘That’s good.’
It was probably just as well that Rick had backed away from any involvement with Josh at the moment. If he was watching this, he’d know exactly what was in store for him if it came to donating bone marrow. There’d be more than one puncture site, too, because they’d need a couple of litres of his liquid marrow. Josh only needed a tiny amount to cover the slides a technician was ready to prepare at the nearby trolley.
Would Rick opt for a general anaesthetic? Hardly likely, given the small but significant risk. IV sedation like Josh had had? That also didn’t seem likely. He was a surgeon and having to abstain from making any important decisions or doing medical procedures might be a huge inconvenience. She wouldn’t be at all surprised if he opted to just tough it out with local and that thought was enough to make her shudder inwardly.
She couldn’t do it. Of course, it would be his choice but it was a lot to ask of anyone. Except that if it came to that, Rick wouldn’t be just anyone. He’d be Josh’s father. His dad. And it was a small thing to ask if it could save his son’s life.
Mike had finished aspirating the marrow. Now he needed to do the biopsy.
‘Almost done, short stuff,’ Sarah whispered. ‘You’re being a wee hero.’
As he always was. He was such a brave kid. As if it hadn’t been enough to lose his mum when he was only six and have to go and live with an aunt he hadn’t seen nearly enough of. She wished she’d been there more for him when he’d been little but Lucy had gone back to their small home town after their mother had died and it had been her older sister who’d pushed her to stay in big cities and keep taking her career to the next level. Not to make the same mistakes she’d made.
At least she hadn’t been a total stranger when tragedy had struck. Her love for Josh had been genuine but, even if she hadn’t loved him as her nephew, he would have captured her heart totally over the last year with his courage and resilience.
‘I’ll get better,’ he often reassured her. ‘Don’t worry, Sarah. One day I’ll be big and I’ll look after you.’
Sarah had to sniff again. A nurse passed her a tissue and Mike looked up to give her a sympathetic smile.
‘We’re all done. Looks like a good sample. Not too much cortex.’
‘Great.’
‘We’ll head on up for the MRI before the sedation wears off. I’ll give him some pain relief, too. He’ll be a bit sore when he wakes up.’
‘He’ll be OK,’ Sarah said. ‘I don’t think he’s ever really complained after one of these.’
Rick would be in even more pain after this procedure but he’d get over it soon enough and as far as he was concerned, that would be the end of his involvement. And…dammit, that really wasn’t acceptable, Sarah realised.
‘He’s an amazing kid,’ Mike was saying warmly as he pressed a gauze swab to the puncture site. ‘One out of the box.’
So true. And if Rick was Josh’s father, he needed to spend enough time with him to see what an incredible person his son was. Everyone who knew this child fell in love with him. Josh deserved to know that his own father was amongst that number.
If Rick thought he could make up for refusing to acknowledge his son merely by going through a medical procedure then he had another think coming his way, courtesy of her. This was what had been niggling at her ever since he’d walked off earlier. Where her anger was stemming from. He was dismissing Josh as a person without seeing how special he was. He should be proud to claim him.
And surely Josh had a right to know who his father was? But how could Sarah tell him if there was rejection in store?
One step at a time, she reminded herself, walking beside Josh’s bed on their journey to the radiology department for the MRI scan. She squeezed his hand, reassuring herself as much as the drowsy child. The next step couldn’t happen until the test results came through and that gave her plenty of time to think about exactly what that step should involve.
The thirteen-year-old boy lay, white and still on a bed in the intensive care unit. Flanked by monitors, IV tubing, medical staff and two distraught-looking parents.
The mother was crying again. The father put his arm around her. ‘He’s still alive,’ he said, his voice raw. ‘It’ll be OK, you’ll see. The doc knows what he’s doing. It’ll be OK.’
He looked down at his son but the glance was brief. The sight was still too horrific. The swathe of bandages around the head. Eyes so swollen you couldn’t see eyelashes even, and then there was the awful bruising and a split lip to cap it off. He must be virtually unrecognisable even to his closest family.
This was the kind of case Rick found particularly gruelling. A whole family torn apart because of a dreadful accident. Simon had been on his way home from school and had been knocked off his bicycle by a speeding delivery van. He had a badly fractured leg, supported by a slab of plaster and padded by pillows until the boy’s condition was stable enough for further surgery. It was much less of a concern than his head injury at this point in time. Right now, Simon was on a ventilator, unable to breathe on his own, and the surgery Rick had just performed held no guarantees for either survival or a good long-term outcome.
Simon’s parents were a mess. Shocked and terrified but desperate to be with their son. This had to be every parent’s worst nightmare and Rick had seen it all too often.
Was this why he’d never given serious thought to having a family of his own? He wasn’t totally averse to the notion like Jet was, but neither could he imagine embracing the concept as Max had done. He was somewhere between the two. The desire was there but still dormant. Weighed down, perhaps, by the legacy of his own childhood.
Along with the logistics of attaining the state of parenthood, the motivation to deal with the downsides of parenting had made it all too easy to shove the whole concept into the ‘too hard’ basket and leave it there. And if it stayed in there so long it was too late to do anything about it, the whole issue might just quietly go away and he’d be able to take comfort in the thought that he couldn’t have really wanted it badly enough in any case.
It was getting late by the time Rick left the ICU, but for a while he hung around the wards, reviewing his inpatients. He was reluctant to head home because it would mean a visit to his office to collect his keys.
Had it only been a few days ago when he’d been less than happy with the company of his mates and had wanted time alone to get his head sorted? Now, when he’d had enough of himself, there was no opportunity to obtain the kind of company he needed.
He’d assured Max that he would be absolutely fine. That Max couldn’t possibly postpone the week in Rarotonga that he and Ellie and Mattie had lined up for their honeymoon. He’d meant every word of it at the time, of course, but then he hadn’t known that Jet would receive a summons back to his elite army medical unit. A three-month stint that would see him involved in training exercises and deployment to any areas that might need the specialised skills of the unit. He’d left town yesterday, with his personal belongings in a backpack, his bike under cover in Rick’s garage and the satisfied gleam of impending adventure lighting his features.
Rick had no one to talk to.
About the rough day he’d had at work.
Or about the envelope that had landed in his in-box this afternoon, seconds before the call to the emergency department where Simon had been waiting.
He knew what was in that envelope.
The DNA results.
The slip of paper inside could be a passport to freedom but it could also be a life sentence.
Being a father might not be a choice he had the luxury of making. It might be about to blindside him and, despite thinking he had found a solution that would work for everybody involved, he still had no idea how he was going to react if he discovered he really was Josh’s father.
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