Читать онлайн книгу «Mother of the Bride» автора Caroline Anderson
Mother of the Bride
Caroline Anderson
MOTHER OF THE
BRIDE
Caroline Anderson
www.millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk)
CHAPTER ONE
MAISIE.
Just the one word, but it curled around her, invading every part of her, swamping her with its gruff warmth. Her heart went into overdrive, her breath stalling at the unaccustomed and yet, oh, so familiar sound of his voice. And then fear kicked in.
Rob, what is it? Whats happened?
Nothings happenedyet, he said quietly. I just wanted to warn you, Alecs going to ask Jenni to marry him this evening, and he wanted my blessing. I thought you should know.
So the time had come. Maisies heart sank. For the last three years, ever since her baby had started dating the gentle, humorous Alec Cooper with his smouldering eyes and teasing sense of fun, shed been waiting for this moment, and now it was here. Her legs felt like jelly, her heart was pounding, her mouth was dry, and she wanted to scream, No! Shes too young! Dont let her, shes not ready
Maisie?
Im OK, she said, sitting down abruptly on the edge of the bed. The bed in which shed given Rob her virginity over twenty-one years ago.
Are you sure?
Sort of. Thank you for warning me, although it would have been nice if Alec had done it, she said.
I know, he said, his voice sympathetic. I suggested he should, but he was afraid youd try and warn Jenni off.
Rob, Im her mother!
Exactly. And you have
Issues? she offered into the silence, and he gave a quiet huff of laughter that clawed at her insides.
You could put it that way. I told him youd be upset, but he was very reluctant in case you tried to speak to Jenni, to talk her out of it, because hes been planning it for ages, apparently, and he was desperate for it to be a surprise.
Rob, he should have spoken to me, too. Im the one whos brought her up. Or doesnt my blessing count?
His sigh was soft. Maisie, dont be like that. I asked him to talk to you, he said hed think about it, but obviously he didnt feel he could, or he hasnt been able to get you. He asked me not to tell you until he had time to ask Jenni, and hes doing that now, as we speak, so I couldnt tell you any sooner. I gave him my word. You have to respect that.
Of course she did. She just felt out of the loop, as usual, at the bottom of the heap when it came to knowing anything, and it hurt. It doesnt matter, she lied, but he cut in gently.
It doesand Im really sorry. If it helps, he only asked me about four hours ago. And my mother doesnt know.
A small crumb of comfort, but surprisingly perceptive of him to know shed needed it.
She closed her eyes and gave a tiny, shaky little laugh. Rob, theyre so young.
Theyll be fine. Im sure Jennill ring you the moment theyre back. It might be nice if you act surprised.
She swallowed. Sureand, Rob Thank you for warning me.
Its a pleasure, he said, his voice low and gruff, and she felt the familiar shiver down her spine.
How could he still do that to her, after all these years? She should have got over him by now. She said goodbye and replaced the phone in the cradle, and sat staring at the wall blankly. It really was going to happen. Jenni and Alec were getting married, and even though shed known it was coming, she was still reeling with shock.
Youre being ridiculous, she told herself, and, getting up, she went back over to her wardrobe and carried on the weeding process shed been engaged in when Rob had called.
She pulled out a hanger and stared at it blankly. Good grief, how ever long had she had these trousers? Far too long, she hadnt worn them for years. She dumped them on the growing pile, found a few other things and then realised shed put her favourite dress on the pile by accident.
She wasnt with it at all, she was miles away, in Scotland, with Jenni, praying that common sense would prevail and shed tell Alec they should wait. Hoping it would work for them. Worried that it wouldnt, that like their marriage, Jennis would prove too frail to stand the test of time.
Theyll be fine.
Would they? She didnt know, but Robs deep, warm voice echoed in her ears, and if she let herself, she could almost believe it. But not quite, because hed said the same thing to her over twenty-one years ago, when hed asked her to marry him.
Well be fine, Maisie. Youll see. Itll be all right.
But it hadnt been. It hadnt been all right at all, in the end, even though the beginning had been blissful. Stormy, sometimes, but theyd always, always made up after a row, and sometimes she wondered if theyd had fights just for the hell of it, so they could make up afterwards. She laughed at the memory, but her smile faded and she felt her eyes fill.
Shed married him not only because she loved him, but also because shed been eighteen, scared, pregnant, and her family wanted nothing to do with her. Her options had been severely restricted, and shed thought he loved her as much as shed loved him, but shed been wrong. She must have been. If hed loved her, hed have come after her, but he hadnt, so shed concluded sadly that hed only married her out of duty, when theyd hardly known each other certainly not well enough to weather the birth of Jenni while he was away at sea and she was alone in Scotland with his less-than-enthralled parents.
It wasnt really surprising that it hadnt worked, under the circumstances. Theyd been children, out of their depth in the welter of emotions theyd encountered, coping with a situation that would have challenged anyone. And when she couldnt bear it any more up there without him, when shed left Scotland and come back down here to Cambridge, hed done nothing about it, to her horror and distress. There had just been a terrible, deafening silence.
He hadnt come to her when hed had his next shore leave, as shed expected, hadnt tried to find out what was wrong, but had said nothing, done nothing for six whole months except send money to her account. Shed taken it because shed had no choice, and shed written to him begging him to come to her, to talk to heranything, but thered been no reply, and then at last there had been a letter asking for access to Jenni in their divorce settlementa divorce that hadnt even been on her agenda until hed broached the subject. Shocked, devastated, shed agreed to everything hed asked, and the only contact theyd had since then had been over Jenni.
Shed hardly seen him in all this time scarcely at all since Jenni had grown old enough to spend time with him alone without needing her, and certainly not at all in the last five years. They hardly even spoke on the phone any more. There was no need. If there was anything relating to Jenni, it was discussed with her directly, which was why his call today out of the blue had been so shocking.
She couldnt remember the last conversation theyd had that had lasted more than a very few seconds, but she guessed theyd be having to talk to each other now, and the thought brought all her confused and tumbled emotions about him racing to the surface. Emotions shed never dealt with, just closed off behind a wall of ice in her heart before they destroyed her.
She still loved him, she realised. Shed die loving him, but it was a one-sided, unrequited love that had never stood a chance. And she was far too old to be so foolish.
The phone rang again, and for a moment she stared at it, her heart pounding, knowing who it was, knowing what she was about to hear, but stalling anyway because until she heard it, it might not be true
Mummy?
Hello, darling. How are you?
Amazing! Youll never guess whatare you sitting down?
She wasnt, but she did. Rapidly. OK. Fire away, whats happened? she said, trying to sound fascinated and intrigued and enthusiastic instead of just filled with a sense of doom. Shed seen the look in Jennis eyes, and Alec reminded her so much of Rob as he had beenyoung, eager, in love
Alecs asked me to marry him!
She squeezed her eyes shut briefly and sucked in a breath. Hard. Her lungs were jammed up tight, her heart was in the way and she wanted to cry.
She didnt. She opened her eyes, forced a smile and said, Oh, my goodnessso what did you say? As if she didnt know what the answer would have been.
Jenni laughed, her happiness radiating unmis- takeably down the phone line. My baby. My precious, precious baby.
Yes, of course! What on earth did you expect me to say? Mummy, I love him! Youre supposed to be pleased for me! You are pleased for me, arent you?
There was a note of uncertainty, of pleading, and Maisie sat up straighter and forced some life into her voice. Oh, darling, of course I amif its what you really want.
You know its what I want. I love him, and I want to be with him forever.
Then congratulations, she said softly. And then, pretending she didnt already know, she added, I wonder what your father will say?
Oh, hes really happy for us.
Thats good. Her voice sounded hollow, echoing in her ears, but Jenni laughed again, unaware of Maisies inner turmoil.
Alec asked him first, apparently. Theyre really close, and he wanted his blessingits so like him. He really wanted to do it right, and I had absolutely no idea. It was amazing. He took me up to the ruin and got down on one knee and I just burst into tears. I think he was a bit shocked.
Im sure he wasnt, he knows you better than that. So, when are you talking about? Next year? The year after?
As soon as I graduatewe thought maybe the third Saturday in June, if the church is free?
But, Jenni, thats only a few weeks! she said, her mind whirling. Surely notplease, no, that would be too ironic if Jenni, too.
Ten and a halfbut thats fine. We want to get it over before the really busy summer season, and the weather will be best then. If we wait until autumn the weather up here could be cold and wet and awful.
Up there? she said, the timescale forgotten, blanked out by this last bombshell.
Wellyes, of course up here, Mum! Its where I live now, where everyone is, except you. Were all here.
Jenni was right, of course, and she should have seen it coming. They all did live up there, light years away in the wild and rugged West Highlands. Everyone except her. Jennis fianc Alec, his family, Jennis uni friends in Glasgow, Alecs friendsand Jennis father.
Robert Mackenzie, Laird of Ardnashiel, king of his castleliterally. And shed been nothing, a nobody; in the words of the taunting kindergarten rhyme, the dirty rascal, the girl whod got herself knocked up with the heirs baby and then, little more than a year after their wedding, had walked away. Why had he let her go without a murmur, without coming after her, without trying to fix what was surely not that broken? She didnt know. She might never know.
And now her darling daughtertheir daughterwas getting married, in the very church where she and Rob had made their vows over twenty years ago. Vows that had proved as insubstantial as cobwebs
She shuddered and sucked in a breath, the silence on the phone hanging in the air like the blade on a guillotine.
Mum?
Yes, darling. Sorry. Of course youre having it there, she agreed, squashing the regret that she wouldnt be married here, in Cambridge, from the home where shed grown up. But that was unrealistic, and she was sensible enough to recognise that now. Where else, when youve got such a lovely setting? Butonly ten and a half weeks? she said, her voice perilously close to a squeak of dismay as she thought of the reasons that might exist for their haste. Dont you need longer to plan it? she hedged.
The lovely ripple of her daughters laughter made Maisie want to cry again. Oh, its all planned! Were having the wedding here in the church, of course, and the hotel in the village can do the catering. Theyve got a brilliant restaurant, so the food will be great. And well have a marquee on the lawn and if it rains theres plenty of room inside, and we can have a ceilidh in the ballroom itll be wonderful! But you have to come now, because I need a dress and Ive only got a week and a bit before I have to go back to uni, and you have to help me choose it. And we have to look for something for you, tooyoull need something really lovely, and I want to be there when you choose it. I need you, Mum. Say youll come.
Her voice had dropped, sounding suddenly hesitant, and Maisie knew she had no choice. Wanted no choice. This was her baby, her only child, and she was getting married, whether Maisie liked it or not.
Of course Ill come, she said, squashing down her apprehension and concentrating on being positive. I wouldnt miss it for the world.
Great. I cant wait, its going to be such fun! Look, I have to go, weve got to tell Alecs parents before they go to bed, but Ill hand you over to Dad. He wants to talk to you.
Oh, lord. Not now. Please, not now, not again. She needed to crawl under the covers and have a really good howl, and the last thing she needed to do was make small talk with the man who still held her heart in the palm of his hand.
She wants me to come up, she told him, sticking firmly to business.
Yes. It needs to be soon, so I hope you arent too busy. When are you free?
Never. Not to go there, to the chilly, forbidding castle, with his mother still there despising her and him indifferent to her feelings, doing what was right instead of what mattered and riding roughshod over her heart. Except apparently he wasnt indifferent to her feelings any more. Maybe hed grown up. Twenty years could do that to you.
Its not too bad for the next couple of weeks. I interviewed someone today for a feature that I have to write up, and Im doing a wedding tomorrow
Cant you hand it over to someone?
She shook her head. No. Not this one.
Why not? Surely some other photographer.
She sucked in a breath, stunned that he could dismiss her so easily, implying that any photographer could do the job as well, as if it was just a case of pressing the right button at the right time. So much for him not being indifferent to her feelings!
I dont think you quite understand the process, she said drily, hanging onto her temper. Quite apart from the fact that they want me,not some other photographer, she told him, you have to understand that brides are very emotional and theres no way Id let her down at this point. I gave them my wordto quote you. And you have to respect that.
There was a heartbeat of silence, then a quiet sigh. All right. So you have to do the wedding. What time will you be through?
Five? Maybe six, at the latest. Its in Cambridge, so its local.
Soif you get the seven-fifteen from Cambridge to Kings Cross tomorrow night, you can pick up the Deerstalker from Euston that gets to Fort William at ten the next morning. Will that be OK?
The overnight sleeper? It would cost an arm and a legbut shed do it, for Jenni. Yes, Ill book it.
Ive done it. Im doing it on line now. Ill have the tickets waiting for you at the station to collect, and Ill pick you up in Fort William the day after tomorrow. And, Maisie? he added, his voice dropping.
Yes?
I know this is going to be difficult for you. Itll be difficult for me, too, but we have to do this for Jenni.
Of course we do, she said wearily. And itll be fine. I just wish I felt they were doing the right thing.
It is the right thing. Itll be all right, Maisie. Youll see.
Those words again, echoing back at her over the years, reminding her of just how frail a thing love could be under pressure. She hoped he was rightheavens, how she hoped it, but she wouldnt bank on it. They were so young, so eager, so unaware of all the pain.
Ill see you at ten on Thursday, she said, and switched the phone off.
Thursday morning. Onlyshe glanced at her watchthirty-six hours away. No time at all to shore up her defences and get her armour plating up and running.
Shed need days
Ridiculous. She hadnt done it in twenty years, what made her think a few more days could make any difference?
She got off the bedthe very bed where hed loved her so tenderly, so sweetly, so patiently. So skilfully. She stroked the quilt smooth, her mind back in the long-ago days when love had been sweet and laughter had been the order of the day.
Shed been about to start her degree here at the local collegenot as prestigious as one of the Cambridge University colleges, of course, but it offered a good degree in journalismand she had needed accommodation. Cheap accommodation. And Rob, who had just graduated with flying colours from one of the Cambridge colleges, had been looking for someone to share his house. He was off to serve in the Royal Navy, a six-year commission, and he needed a care taker, all running expenses paid in return for maintaining the house in good condition in his absence.
Only one provisoshe had to live in it alone and share it with him occasionally when he was on shore leave, but that suited her fine, because it was the only way she could afford it and it meant she could get away from home, from a repressive father who didnt think she needed to go away to college.
So shed arranged to view it, and theyd gone out for a drink to discuss the fine detail. Well, that had been the excuse. In fact, theyd just wanted to spend time together, and over the next few days theyd fallen headlong in love. Just a week after theyd met, shed ended up here in this room, in this bed, giving him her heart.
He still had it. He always would.
She sighed and turned her back on the bed. She wanted nothing more than to crawl under the quilt and cry her eyes out, but she had a feature to write up before tomorrow, clothes to pack for her trip, a wedding to prepare forand besides, she was all done crying over Robert Mackenzie. Shed worn that particular T-shirt out long ago, and she wasnt going there again.
How do you think she took it?
Badly. Especially when hed implied that another photographer could step into her shoes at a moments notice. Hed have to do better than that, Rob thought ruefully.
He smiled at his daughterhis beautiful, clever, radiantly happy daughterand lied. Shes fine, he told her. Ive booked her train ticket, and Ill pick her up
Let meplease? Give me time with her, so I can talk her down a little. Shell be nervous.
Nervous? Would she? Quite possibly, he conceded. She might not be very thrilled about it, but shes got nothing to be nervous about, he said, trying to reassure their daughter.
But Jenni looked at him, wise beyond her years, and shook her head. Of course she has. She hated it here. She hasnt been here for twenty years and shell be unsure of her welcome.
Butthats silly! Shes your mother! Of course shes welcome, he said, but then he thought about it, about the defensive tone of her voice, about how much shed seemed to hate it here, and he sighed softly.
Ill still pick her up. Even more reason. I can talk to her.
Jenni chewed her lip. Dadshe wont want to talk to you. She goes out of her way to be out if youre coming to the house, she wont even look at youwhat if she refuses to get in the car?
She wont refuse, he said, wishing he was as certain as he sounded. Shes not that fond of walking.
Jenni gave a splutter of laughter and came over and hugged him, slapping him on the chest simultaneously. That was mean. You be kind to her or shell end up in the hotel in the village, I know she will.
Ill be kind to her, Jenni, he promised, serious now. I was always kind to her.
Were you? Shes never really said anything very much about you, just that it didnt work out.
Thats about the size of it, he said, carefully keeping his voice neutral. But dont worry. We can do this. Itll be fine, Jenni.
Are you sure? Youll probably fight like hell. I dont think you know her. She seems like a pussy-cat, but she can be pretty feisty, you know.
He laughed, but her words echoed in his head. Feisty? Oh, yes, shed been feisty, but that wasnt how he remembered her. He remembered her after their fightssweet, tender, passionate until the end. Then shed just been withdrawn and uncommunicative, as if all the spark had gone out of her, and he hadnt known how to get through to her. Jenni was right. He really didnt know her, the woman whod been his wife, whod taken his heart and broken it into little pieces.
Im sure we can be adult about it, he said, not at all convinced but hoping it was true.
Jenni tipped her head on one side. Why did neither of you ever get married again? I mean, I know why you didnt stay married to each other, its not rocket science, but why didnt you marry anyone else? Its not as if youre hideous, either of you, and youre both so nice.
He shrugged, not intending to drag his wounds out into the open for his daughter to pick the scabs off. Never got round to it, I suppose, he said casually. First I was in the navy, and then I was juggling establishing my business in London and being a father to you, and then my own father died and I had to move up here and take over the estate. And its hard to meet anyone when youre up here in the backwaters, especially if you work in an almost exclusively male environment. Bear in mind that the majority of women who come to the estate are partners of men who come for the sport. They arent looking for a husband.
Are you sure? Maybe they want to switch husbands? And anyway, thats rubbish. Its never hard to meet people when youre rich, its just hard to meet the right people, she said drily, and he could tell from her tone that there was a wealth of hurt there. Shed encountered some gold- diggers at uni, men whod only been interested in her for her inheritance, shed told him, but Alec, fiercely protective, had been there for her through thick and thin, and he knew the young man loved his daughter from the bottom of his kind and generous heart.
If only theyd been so lucky, him and Maisie. If only theyd found a love like that. It might not be rocket science, but it was a mystery to him why they hadnt got on. It had been so good at first, so special. Nothing had ever felt like it since, and that, of course, was why hed never married again. Because to be married to anyone other than his Maisie would have been a travesty, a betrayal of everything he stood for.
He swallowed and stepped back, gently disentangling himself from Jennis embrace, and headed for the door. Sorry, sweetheart, Ive got a million things to do. Ill see you for dinner.
He went out, whistling the dogs, and headed down to the water. He needed a walk, a good, long stretch along the beach and then up over the headland, the point that gave Ardnashiel its prefix. There had been a hut there once, evidently, a shiel, which long ago had given way to the original castle, and he climbed the hill towards the ruins, needing the peace, the solitude that he would find there.
It was his retreat, the place he went to soothe his soul, the harsh wind and savage sea the only things wild enough to match the turmoil in his heart, but today they could do nothing to wipe out the memories of his love, here in this place, where hed brought her so many times. And now, for the first time, she was coming back, not to him, but to the castle.
It was a step he hadnt been sure shed ever take, but now she was, and in two days shed be here.
His beloved, beautiful Maisie was coming home
The train was on the platform as she collected her ticket, and she only just made it before the doors closed.
The wedding had gone on longer than shed expected, and it had been harder than shed imagined. She didnt know whymaybe because now she had become the mother of a bride, and could put herself in Annettes shoes, with the agony of her uncertain future. Shed had a health scare, and was facing a gruelling treatment regime over the next months and maybe years, but today had not been a day for dwelling on that. Today was her daughters day, and Annette had been radiant.
Im so proud of her. Doesnt she look beautiful? shed said to Maisie in a quiet, private moment, a little oasis in the midst of the revelry, and Maisies eyes had filled.
Yesyes, she does, she looks absolutely gorgeous, and so do you.
Annette had met her eyes, her own distressed. Take plenty of photos, she begged, and then added softly, Just in case.
Maisie had swallowed. I will. I have. Ive got some wonderful ones of you together, and Ill get them to you very soon.
Thank you, Annette had said almost silently, and Maisie had held her gently and shared that quiet moment of knowledge that there might not be very much time left to her, and every second mattered.
So now, on the train to London, she was downloading the photos from her camera onto her laptop, then burning them onto several disks and labelling them. Thank God for mobile technology, she thought as she put the disks in the post on her way from Kings Cross to Euston.
She was pleased with the photos. Shed go through them, of course, editing out the dross and cropping and tidying up the images so they could look at them on her website, and shed produce an album with the family once theyd chosen the ones they wanted, but for now, at least, theyd get them in the raw form almost immediately to look through with Annette.
And hopefully, in the years to come, shed be showing them to her grandchildren, but if not, at least theyd have a wonderful record of that beautiful day.
She blinked away the tears and stared out of the window of the sleeper at the passing lights. The cabin was claustrophobicfirst class, the best it could be, but she was too full of emotion, from the wedding and from the task facing her, to sit still.
She locked up her cabin securely and went to the lounge to order food. She hadnt eaten at the wedding, and shed had her hands full on the platform at Euston, and her blood sugar was through the floor.
Even so, she didnt touch her supper. Her stomach felt as if someone had tied a knot in it and she gave up and went back to her cabin, lying down on the narrow berth and staring at the window, watching the lights flash past as they moved through stations, but mostly it was dark, the velvety blackness of the countryside all- engulfing as the train carried her north towards Rob.
And Jenni. It was about Jenni, she reminded herselfJenni and Alec. She had to keep focus, remind herself what she was doing this for, or shed go crazy.
Actually, what she needed was sleep, not the constant rumble of the rails, the clatter of the points, the slowing and shunting and pausing while goods trains went past, until she thought shed scream. It wasnt the trains fault. It was comfortable, privateas good as it could be. It was just that she didnt want to be on it, didnt want to be doing this, and the memories were crashing over her like a tidal wave.
Shed done it for the first time when she was pregnant, when shed just finished her first years exams at Cambridge and was heading up to Scotland to wait for the birth. Shed wanted to stay in Cambridge, in their little house, but Rob had insisted she should move up to the castle. You can be looked after there, and my parents will want to spend time with the baby, hed said and so, because he wasnt there to drive her this time, as he had every other time theyd been, because he was already away at sea, shed got on the train, exhausted, aching, and by the time shed reached Glasgow, shed realised she was in labour.
Shed been taken straight to the hospital in Fort William, and the next few hours were still a blur in her mind, but as the train rolled on, she kept reliving it, snatches of the pain and fear, knowing Rob was at sea and wanting him, needing him with her. And when hed come at last, weeks later, hed been differentdistant, almost as if he couldnt bring himself to touch her. Shed known then that there was something wrong, but they hadnt talked about it, just tiptoed carefully around the cracks in their relationship as if they werent there. And then hed gone away again, back to sea, and left her behind to face the cold, dark winter there without him.
She hadnt been able to do it. Leaving the castle, going back south to Cambridgeit had seemed such a sensible move, the only thing she could do to stay sane. It had never occurred to her that Rob wouldnt follow.
She turned over, thumped the pillow, squeezed her eyes shut and pulled the quilt over her head, but the images were still there, crowding into her head, keeping her awake.
She gave up in the end, sitting perched on the lid of the washbasin in the corner and staring out of the window as the dawn broke. The countryside was getting wilder, the hills higher, the gentle ripples in the landscape giving way to crumples and then sharp, jagged pleats as they went further north. It was stark, bleak, with a wild majesty that made something in her ache at the beauty of it, but it terrified her, too, because of all the memories it held for her.
She was washed and dressed before the attendant knocked on the door with her breakfasta hot bacon roll, tea and some fruit saladand she sat on the bunk staring out over the wild, untamed landscape as the train slowly wended its way around the hills to Fort William, stopping at every station on the way, tiny outposts of civilisation in the midst of barren wilderness.
Not long now, she thought, and her stomach rejected all thought of the bacon roll after the first bite. She was fraught with nerves, too tense to eat, so she sipped her tea as they climbed up onto the flat and desolate plateau of Rannoch Moor, picked at the fruit because it was ridiculous to have nothing, and then gathered her things together as they pulled into the station in Fort William.
And then, when it was too late to do anything about it, she glanced at the mirror and winced. She looked awful. Dark circles under her tired, strained eyes, her hair in wild red corkscrews, needing attentionshe hated travelling, hated the rush and pressure and hanging about. And Ardnashiel was waiting.
Im not ready for it! she wanted to wail, but she didnt, she just picked up her camera bag, slung it over her shoulder, picked up her laptop and her suitcase and got off the train.
It should be like Brief Encounter, she thought, all swirling steam and whistles, but it wasnt, it was loud and noisy, unintelligible and horribly familiar. She took a deep breath and looked up, and he was there, walking slowly towards her in jeans and a sweater, with his rangy, muscular limbs and broad, solid shoulders. His hair was touched with grey now, she noticed in surprise, crows feet at the corners of his wary, slate-blue eyes, and when he smiled, the crows feet crinkled and turned her legs to mush.
Maisie, he said, and his voice curled round her again, seeping into her heart and unravelling all her resolve.
Hello, Rob. Here, you can make yourself useful, she said, and handed over her luggage before he could do anything stupid like kiss her cheek and pretend they were friends.
Is this all?
Three bags? Isnt that enough? I can tell what sort of women youve been mixing with, Mackenzie.
His smile was wry. Yeah, your daughter. Ive conveyed her and her clutter back and forth to uni for the last three years, remember. I know how you women travel.
Im only here for a weektwo weeks, max.
Well see. Come on, then, lets head back.
To Ardnashiel. Her heart thumped, and she bit her lip as he led her into the car park and plipped the remote control in his hand. Lights flashed on a carlow, sleek and expensive. She might have known. Hed always liked expensive cars. He stashed her belongings in the boot, then opened the door for her. Can I put the lid down, or do you want it up? he asked as he slid in behind the wheel and turned to her.
She shrugged, unsurprised that the car was a convertible, a folding hard-top. Hed never been able to get enough fresh air. Whatever you like. My hairs a mess anyway. I need a shower.
You look fine, Maisie, he said softly. More than fine. She lookedlovely. Wary, hesitant, out of her comfort zone, but lovely. And he wanted her to himself, just for a little bit longer.
He pressed the button to fold the roof and held her eyes. Do you fancy a coffee on the way?
She frowned then gave a slight smile, the first one since shed got off the train. Actually, that would be really nice. I didnt eat much yesterdaytoo busy. And I didnt really fancy breakfast. Im starving.
OK. Well do coffee. Theres a lovely place opened since you were here last.
Rob, theres been time for dozens of places to open and shut since I was here last, she pointed out, and he gave a quiet laugh.
I know. Its been a long time. Too long.
He started the engine then they purred softly out of the car park and headed out on the road to Mallaig. The air was cool, but it was a beautiful day and the sun was shining, and she put her head back against the butter-soft leather of the seat and closed her eyes, but even so, she couldnt cut him out of her thoughts.
She was aware of every movement he made, every breath he took, every flex of his muscles. Not because she could hear, or see, but because she just knew. After all this time, she still knew, her body so aware of him that her nerves were screaming.
How on earth had she imagined she could do this?
CHAPTER TWO
SHE looked wonderful. Tired, with deep smudges under her eyes, but wonderful.
She wasnt asleep, just resting her eyes, but it meant he could look at her out of the corner of his eye without being seen. And he wanted to look at her. Ridiculously badly.
She looked just the same, he thought with a twist to his heart. Well, no, not just the same, because she was thirty-nine now and shed been eighteen when theyd first met, but the years had been kind to her and if anything she was more beautiful than shed been twenty years ago.
Her skin was like rich cream, smooth and silky, dusted with freckles, and he wondered if it would still smell the way it had, warm and fragrant and uncomplicated. Her hair, wild and untamed, was still that wonderful rich red, a dark copper that shed passed on to Jenni but which in their daughter was mellowed by his dark- haired gene to a glorious auburn.
She had the temper to go with it, too, the feistiness Jenni had reminded him of. It was something that fortunately neither of them had handed on to their daughter, but although at first theyd had stand-up fights that had ended inevitably in bed with tearful and passionate reconciliation, by the end thered been no sign of it. And hed missed it. Missed the fights, missed the making up. Missed his Maisie.
He sighed and turned into the car park of the caf overlooking the top of Loch Linnhe, and by the time hed cut the engine she had her seat-belt undone and was reaching for the door handle.
She straightened up and looked around, giving him a perfect back view, her jeans gently hugging that curved, shapely bottom that had fitted so well in his hands
This looks nice.
He swallowed hard and hauled in a breath. It is nice. Its owned by the people who run the hotel in the village. Theyve got a local produce shop here as well, selling salmon and venison and cheese and the like.
And insect repellent?
He chuckled, remembering her constant battle with the midges. Probably. He held the door, and she went in and sniffed the air, making him smile.
Oh, the coffee smells good.
It is good. What are you having?
Cappuccino, andthey look tasty.
They are. Do me a favour and dont even ask about the calories.
Dont worry, I wont, she vowed, making him laugh. Im starving.
He ordered the coffees and two of the trademark gooey pastries, and they headed for a table by the window. He set the tray down and eased into the seat opposite her, handing her her cup.
So, how did the wedding go yesterday?
A flicker of distress appeared in her moss- green eyes before she looked down at her coffee. She poked the froth for a moment. OK. Lovely. Very beautiful. Very moving. The brides mothers not wellthats why I couldnt hand it over.
He frowned. Why didnt they postpone it?
Because shes about to start chemo, Maisie said softly. They had to rush the wedding forward, and the last thing I could do to them was upset them at this stage. They wanted me, they trusted me, and Id promised.
Of course. Im sorry, I didnt appreciate that at the time. I can quite see that you had to stay, and Im sorry if I implied that anyone else could take over from you. Of course that isnt true, especially under those circumstances. You had no choice.
She blinked. Hed really taken her comments on board, if that was anything to go by, but she wasnt surprised. Hed always been one for doing the right thingeven when it was wrong.
Youll be wanting to send them the images.
Ive done it. I downloaded them on the train and posted them at Euston. Just in case. She sighed softly as she broke off, biting her lip and thinking of Annette.
Poor woman, he murmured. It must have been hard for the family, dealing with all those emotions.
She nodded, but then she went quiet, sipping her coffee, absently tearing up the pastry and nibbling at it. Rob, this weddingare you sure its right for them? Theyre so young.
Not that young.
They are! Just like we were. We were far too young.
You cant compare them to us. Theyre three years older than we were
No. I was eighteen, shes twenty. Thats only two years.
Shes almost twenty-one. Shell be twenty-one by the wedding, and Alec will be twenty-four. And those years make a lot of difference. You were only just eighteen and pregnant, and I was twenty- one and committed to the navy for six years, and we didnt know each other nearly well enough.
We still dont.
No. Jenni said that on Tuesday, and I think she was right. But theyre different, Maisie. They know each other through and through. Theyve been friends ever since they were children, and this has been growing for years. Theyre genuinely deeply in love, and its great to see them together. We didnt stand a chance, but they do. I think theyll be very happy together.
You dont think they should wait?
What for?
Good question. She stared out of the window over the gently rippling waters of the loch and sighed. I dont know, she murmured. To be more settled?
They are settled. Alecs got a good job
One youve given him. Rob, you are sure about him, arent you? she asked, her anxiety surfacing. You dont think hes using her?
Rob frowned. Using her? Of course hes not. Theyve known each other for years!
That wouldnt stop some people.
Maisie, Alecs not like that.
So what is he like? Tell meIm worried, Rob.
You dont need to be. Theyve known each other since they were childrenhe taught her to ride a bike, for heavens sake. They used to play together when she came up in the holidays, and theyve always got on. He was born in the cottage his parents still live in, and his father was my estate manager until he retired five years ago. He worked for my father, and my uncle before him, and his father before him, so hes the third generation to look after Ardnashiel. Its in his blood, even more than it is in mine, and I cant think of a safer pair of hands either for the estate or for Jenni. Hes kind and decent, honest as the day is long, and he really loves her. You honestly dont need to worry.
She nodded slowly, reassured by his measured assessment of his future son-in-law. And your mother? How does she feel about him?
She likes him. Shes very fond of him, actually.
Really? Even though hes one of the estate employees? Im surprised she thinks hes good enough for her.
His brows scrunched together in a frown. What makes you say that?
Well, they made it clear I wasnt good enough for youor was that just my lack of morals?
He gave a harsh sigh. You dont change, do you? he said. You always were a little too quick to judge.
I wasnt judging her, she was judging me! Thats unfair!
Is it? he said softly, his eyes searching hers. You didnt give my father the benefit of the doubt, you rebuffed all my mothers offers of friendship and you walked off and left me. That was unfair.
She opened her mouth to argue, thought better of it, here in this public place, and shut it again. Shed tell him another timemaybejust what his mothers offers of friendship had consisted of. And as for his father, there was no doubt to give him the benefit of. Hed hated her, despised her, and hed made sure she and everybody else had known it. And she hadnt left him, shed left the castle, and hed let her go, made no attempt to follow her, to find out what was wrong.
This is neither the time nor place to go over all of this, she said, equally quietly. And anyway, its time we got on. Id like to see Jenni now, shell be wondering where we are.
And without waiting to see what he did, she got to her feet and walked out of the caf, leaving her coffee half-drunk and her pastry in shreds all over the table.
Stifling a sigh, Rob threw down a few coins for the tip and followed her out, wondering how on earth they were going to get through all the inevitable meetings and discussions and tantrums that would eventually culminate in the wedding.
Ten and a half weeks, he told himself as he unlocked the car and held the door for her, and it would all be over and shed be gone, and everything would get back to normal.
For some reason, that didnt feel comforting.
The road to Ardnashiel was painfully familiar to Maisie, and they travelled it in a tense and brittle silence.
The first time shed driven it with Rob all those years ago, it had felt very different. Theyd been laughing and holding hands as he drove, their fingers linked on his thigh, and hed been telling her all about it, about the huge, sprawling estate his father had inherited ten years before from an uncle.
He loved it, hed told her. Hed loved it as a child, coming up with his parents to visit his widowed uncle, not realising at first that one day it would be his, and he was looking forward to showing it to her. Since its going to be mine. Not for years and years, though, hed added, laughing. Im not ready to bury myself up here in the wilderness yet, by a long way, but one day, I suppose, the time will come.
That day had come sooner than hed imagined, when his father had died in a shooting accident eight years ago and hed left London and moved up here for good. Shed never been back, though, not since the day shed left and vowed never to return.
The road hadnt changed at all since then, she thought, taking it in as her heart knotted ever tighter in her chest. A quiet, winding road that ran between lush green fields with fat cattle grazing contentedly. It was calm, bucolic, and it should have been beautiful, but it was coloured by association. The last time shed travelled it, shed been in a taxi, leaving it behind, and part of her was still the lonely, desperate young woman that she had been then.
He reached a junction and turned onto a narrow switchback of a road that clung in the gap between the edge of a loch and the wall of rock where the land met the water. It was an appalling road, and yet the fact that it existed at all in such a tight space was a miracle of engineering in itself.
The loch turned into a river, then the road widened as the land levelled out into a flat bowl around the harbour mouth, houses clustered along its walls, fringing the sea and running up towards the hills, and then beyond the small community, set up on its own on a rocky outcrop above the beach, was Ardnashiel Castle.
Built of stone, grey and forbidding, even with the sun shining on it there was a look of menace about it that chilled Maisie to the bone.
Just as it was meant to, really, since it had been built as a fort, but an ancestor had extended it two hundred years ago, creating a more civilised living area and carving gardens out of the woodland that had encroached on it. Hed added little turrets with tops like witches hats, and made the windows bigger, and the first time shed seen it shed thought it was straight out of a fairy-tale, but then things had changed. It had ceased to be a safe haven and begun to feel like a prison, and looking at it now brought the feelings of suffocation crashing back.
And maybe Rob realised it because, as they crossed the stone bridge and drew up in the stable- yard by the coach-house, he glanced across at her for the first time since theyd left the caf and sighed.
Im sorry, he said quietly. I realise its not your fault you dont know Alec, but give him a chance. Please. And my mother. I know you didnt always see eye to eye, but shes worried about seeing you again, worried youll still dislike her.
I didnt dislike her, Rob, she corrected him quietly. She disliked me. And Im sorry if you felt I was being unfair to Alec. I will give him a chance, of course I will. Ive always liked what Ive seen of him, butIm just worried for Jenni, Rob. Shes my little girl, and Id hate to see her make a mistake.
Its not a mistakeand shes my little girl too, remember, he said with a twisted smile that cut her to the heart. Just because she lived with you doesnt mean I didnt love her every bit as much as you did. And I know you feel Ive stolen her from you, but she feels at home here.
She opened her mouth to argue, to say of course she didnt feel that, she knew he hadnt stolen her, but then shut it again, because she did feel like that, did feel that hed stolen not only her daughter but also her wedding, all the planning and girly excitement shed seen so often in other young brides and their mothers, the tears and the tantrums and the laughter.
Which was ridiculous, because she was here now, for exactly that, and she would be here for as long as her daughter needed her.
Rob, its fine. Lets just move on, can we? she said, and then the car door was snatched from her hand and Jenni was hurling herself into the car and hugging her, sitting on the sill and cupping her face, staring at her searchingly.
Are you all right? I know you didnt want to come, but
Im fine, she said softly, and gathering Jenni into her arms she hugged her hard. Its fine. And its going to be loads of fun. Come on, lets go inside and we can start planning!
Brilliant, I cant wait. Here, look, my ring!
She held her hand out, eyes sparkling, face alight with love and happiness, and Maisie looked at the ring, a simple diamond in a white gold band, nothing flashy but perfectly suited to her uncomplicated and slender daughter, and she smiled.
Its lovely. Did he choose it?
She giggled mischievously. I might have hinted a little, she confessed, and Rob snorted.
Only slightly, he said. He was out of the car, taking her bags out of the boot by the time shed disentangled herself from their daughter and climbed out, and she scraped her windswept hair back out of her eyes and reached for her camera.
Rob was there first. Ive got it. You go on in with Jenni, Ill put this lot in your room.
And she was led inside, Jennis arm round her waist, and it was only as they went in that she realised things had changed.
The house was warm, for a start. Warm and bright and welcoming. It had never felt like that, not even in the summer, the year shed had Jenni. And Jenni had taken her in through the front door, instead of round the side and in through the kitchen, the way Rob had always taken her in.
Through the tradesmens entrance?
She was being ridiculous. Hed treated her as a member of the family instead of a visitor, but JenniJenni was treating her as if she was special, a treasured and valued guest, ushering her in, smiling and laughing and hugging her, and as she led her into the drawing room, so familiar and yet so different, Helen Mackenzie got to her feet and came towards them. Older, stiffer, but still beautiful, still the elegant, dignified and aloof woman shed always been.
Maisiewelcome back, she said softly, and held out her hand.
Maisie shook it, glad she hadnt kissed her or embraced her. It would have felt wrong after all the bitterness of the past, and the formal, impersonal contact was enough for now. More than enough. She found a smile and wished she wasnt wearing jeans and had had time to drag a brush through her hair.
Thank you, Mrs Mackenzie, she said politely, and then foundered, but it didnt matter.
Robs mother simply smiled, said, Please, call me Helen, and took up where shed left off and asked if shed had a good journey, and if shed like a drink.
Tea? Coffee? Or something cold, perhaps?
Actually, Id love a glass of water.
Of course. I always get very dehydrated when Im travelling. There just dont seem to be the opportunities to drink anything civilised. Jenni, my dear, would you ask Mrs McCrae if she could find us a bottle of spring water? Still or sparkling?
Sparkling would be lovely. Thank you.
How stilted. How formal and civilised and polite, when all Maisie wanted to do was head off with Jenni and hug her and hear all about Alecs proposal.
Maisie, do sit down. You must be exhausted. I dont suppose you slept a wink on that wretched train. I know I never do.
It was very comfortable.
But not restful. Its not the same as a decent bed. She looked down at her hands, flexing her fingers slightly, then met Maisies eyes again, her own, so like Robs and Jennis, troubled. Im glad youve come, she said frankly. I did wonder if you would, but for Jennis sake, if not for anyone elses, I think we should try and put the past behind us and move onlet bygones be bygones.
She opened her mouth to speak, found no words that she was prepared to say out loud, and then was saved from answering by Jenni coming back into the room with Alec.
She got up to greet him and found herself wrapped in a warm, firm hug. Hi. Im sorry I wasnt here to greet you when you arrived, I was just welcoming a group of guests, but I saw you drive by and gave them some flannel about checking on the nesting golden eagles and left them to settle in.
His eyes sparkled mischievously, and Helen gave a rusty chuckle. Youre a terror, Alec Cooper. Will you stay and join us for a drink, or do you have to be somewhere?
Checking the nesting eagles, for instance? Maisie teased, and he laughed.
No, I dont have to be anywhere. The guests have all been before, so they know their way around. Theyre all heading off to the pub for lunch, and Im free for a while. He took her hand in both of his, his eyes serious. So, will you forgive me? Im sorry I didnt manage to talk to you, too. I did try, but your mobile must have been off, and I didnt leave a message. It didnt seem to be the sort of thing I could say to a machine, but well, I know youve had reservations about me, and I really wanted your blessing, too.
Oh, Alec, of course I forgive you, she said, guilt washing over her. He had tried to ringthe missed call from a number she hadnt recognised. And its not that I have reservations, Alec. I dont really know you, and I just want you both to be sure, but Jenni knows you much better than I do, and you probably know her better than I do, come to that, so I have to trust your judgement. I just want my daughter to be happy, and she does seem to be, so of course you have my blessing. But look after her, Alec, treat her right. Thats all I ask.
Of course I will. I love her, Maisie. I love her more than anything or anyone in the world. Ill do nothing to hurt her.
Maisies eyes filled, and she hugged her soon- to-be son-in-law hard, then reached out for Jenni, drawing her into the hug as well. Please let it be all right, she prayed, and then let them go, just as Mrs McCrae came in, set down the tray and engulfed her in yet another hug.
Good heavens, lass, let me look at you. You dont look a day older! Oh, its good to see you again.
She laughed, delighted to see the kindly housekeeper who had been her saviour and only friend in the dark days after Jennis birth. Oh, Mrs McCrae, how lovely to see you again, too! You havent changed, either. I would have known you anywhere!
A few pounds heavier, mind, but my grandchildren keep me fit now when Im not here running up and down stairs after this lot!
She heard a door open and close, then Rob came in. Sorry to be so long. I was held up by a guestsomething about nesting golden eagles?
Alec chuckled. Aha little poetic licence. I wanted to greet my future mother-in-law, but its not a problem. Ill tell them they cant be disturbed, and, anyway, we have got nesting eagles.
Have we?
Aye. I saw them this morning when I was out on the hills checking the deer. Weve a stag needs culling, by the way. Hes been injuredcant put one hind leg to the ground. Its the big old stag with the broken antler and the scar on his rump.
Rob nodded. I wondered about him. He was lame yesterday, I was going to check on him. Can I leave him to you?
Sure.
That dealt with, Rob turned to Maisie, scanning her face for any clue as to her mood, but she was smiling and talking to Mrs McCrae about her grandchildren and giving his mother a wide berth.
Oh, hell, it was all so complicated, he thought, feeling twenty-two again. If only shed stayed, if only hed tried to convince her to come back instead of letting her go without a fight. Or gone with her. They hadnt needed to live up here, they could have lived in London or Cambridgeanywhere, really, that she chose, but shed chosen to leave him, to take his daughter away, and deny his parents the chance to see their beloved little granddaughter grow up. Shed even done it behind his back, while hed been at sea, and asked his parents to tell him and give him her lettera letter that had told him what hed already known, that she didnt want to stay. She hadnt even had the guts to do it to his face. That, more than anything, had hurt.
He checked the thought and turned to his mother, concentrating on the practicalities. So what time are we aiming to have lunch?
Whenever were ready. Mrs McCrae, how long will lunch take to prepare?
Its all ready, Mrs Mackenzie, you just tell me when you want to eat. The breads fresh out of the oven and I just need a few moments to heat the soup.
Ten minutes, then? Helen said, and Rob wasnt sure if hed imagined it, or if it was desperation that flickered briefly on her face before Maisie masked it.
I think, he cut in smoothly before anyone could argue, that Maisie could probably do with a few minutes to freshen up. Shes been travelling all night. An hour, maybe?
He hadnt imagined it. Her eyes met his with relief, and she gave him a grateful smile.
Thank you. That would be wonderfulif you dont mind, Mrs McCrae? I dont want to put you to any trouble.
Och, of course I dont mind! I made cock-a- leekie for you, hen, she said, beaming at Maisie. I know its your favourite soup, and theres homemade oat bread, and some wonderful Mull Cheddar to follow. You always liked the Mull Cheddar.
Maisies face softened, and she smiled warmly at the elderly housekeeper. Thank you. That sounds lovely. Fancy you remembering I like cock-a-leekie.
Ive never forgotten you, pet. Im making roast beef for you tonight, for Alecs parents coming up. Just to welcome you home.
She bustled off, and for a moment there was silence while the word home seemed to reverberate around the room, but Rob cut it off swiftly.
Ill show you to your room, he said, and opening the door he ushered her out and closed it softly behind them.
Thank you, she said. That was all, but it spoke volumes, and he dredged up a smile.
My pleasure, he told her, wishing that it wasnt a lie, that every interaction between them, no matter how brief or businesslike, didnt seem to be flaying him alive. Ive put you in the room you had before. You always used to sit there in the window and look out at the sea. I thought you might like it.
Maisie felt a chill run over her. Shed wept so many tears in that room, and it was on the tip of her tongue to ask for another, any one, it didnt matter which, just not that room, but then she stopped herself and nodded. She had to get over this silliness. They had a wedding to plan, and she couldnt allow herself to keep harking back to the past.
Thank you, she said, and followed him up the magnificent old stone staircase to the landing above. He fell into step beside her, hanging back as they reached the room, and she wondered if he could hear her heart pounding with dread.
The door was standing open, and she went in and stopped in her tracks.
It was different. Lovely. The colours were soft and tranquil, muted blues and greens, pale cream, a touch of rose here and there to lift it. A great black iron bed was heaped with pillows and cushions and dressed with a pretty tartan throw so soft she wanted to bury her face in it and sigh with delight.
When had it been changed? And why? Not for her, of course. It would be a favourite guest room, with that gorgeous view out over the sea to the islands, and she realised in surprise it now had its own bathroom off it, in the little room that had been Jennis nursery.
Progress, she thought in astonishment.
It looks
Different? he murmured, and she turned and met his eyes.
Yes. Very different from the room shed been installed in after Jenni had been born. That had been cold and forbidding, but this
She ran her hand over the throw, fingering its softness. This is lovely.
Its a pastel version of the Mackenzie tartan, he told her. Jennis idea. Theres one in every roommohair, to keep out the cold.
Its warm in here, though.
Well, it is April. The heating works better now, but the wind still sneaks in in January.
His smile was fleeting, and made her heart ache. Shed loved him so much
And an en suite bathroom. Thats a bit luxurious, she said, turning away as if to study it, just to get away from those piercing eyes.
It was twenty years ago, Maisie, he reminded her gently, as if she needed reminding. Things have changed. All sorts of things.
Him? She said nothing, and after a moment she heard a quiet sigh. Ill see you downstairs. Come and find me when youre doneIll be in my study.
Where is it?
Bottom of the stairs, turn left, follow the corridor round and its at the back, by the gun court. Just yell, Ill find you.
He went out, leaving her alone, and she closed her eyes and thought longingly of the bed. It looked so inviting. So soft and warm and welcoming. And she was shattered.
Later, she told herself. Shower first, then lunch, then talk to Jenniand maybe later, before dinner, shed snatch five minutes.
Anyway, her luggage was on the bed, waiting, and shed have to deal with it before she could lie down.
Shower, she told herself sternly, and unzipping her case she pulled out her wash bag and headed for the bathroom.
She didnt dawdle. Lunch was calling her, and she was more than ready for it by the time shed tamed her hair, pulled on some clean clothes and tracked Rob down in his study overlooking the sea.
He was deep in thought, staring out of the window, feet propped up on his desk and his brow furrowed when she went in. He dropped his feet to the floor and swung round, greeting her with a smile that didnt reach his eyes. Everything all right?
Lovely, thank you. Much better, she said with real gratitude, and he got to his feet and ushered her through to the drawing room where his mother, Jenni and Alec were waiting.
Hed gone into the study deliberately, she realised then, to wait for her so she didnt have to come in here alone and face them all. She could have laughed at that. If only hed realised that he, of all of them, was the biggest stumbling block.
Ill tell Mrs McCrae were all ready, he said, and left her with Jenni, striding down the corridor away from the scent of soap and shampoo and something else he recognised from long ago. Something that dragged him right back to the beginning, to the times when she would come to him smelling like that and hed take her in his arms and hold her close and breath in the scent of her.
He went down to the kitchen, wishing he could escape, go out onto the hills where the fresh air could drive the scent from his nostrils and bring him peace. But he couldnt, because he had things to do, things that only he could do. His daughter was getting married, and he had to hold it together until then. And dragging Maisie into his arms and breathing her in wasnt an option, either.
Were all here now, he said to Mrs McCrae. Can I give you a hand?
Aye, that would be kind, Robert. You can stir this while I put the bread out. And having trapped him so easily, in a trap hed walked into with his eyes wide open, she then started on him in her oh, so unsubtle way.
Shes looking tired.
She is tired. Shes been travelling all night. She looks better now shes had a shower and changed into fresh clothes.
Shed look better still if shed come home and let me feed her up a bit, she said, wielding the bread knife like a weapon. Poor wee thing.
Im sure Maisies perfectly capable of feeding herself, he said firmly, drawing the pot off the heat and closing the lid of the range. And she has a home in Cambridge, he added, reminding himself as much as Mrs McCrae as he glanced at the bare table. He frowned. Where are we eating?
In the dining room, she said, her eyes flashing with indignation. Robbie, shes come back, wherever you say her home might be! She cant be eating in the kitchennot today.
He opened his mouth to argue, shut it again and sighed softly in resignation. Ill carry this, he said, and followed her up the stairs.
Here we are, hen, she said, setting the bread down on the table as Maisie sat down. And mind you eat plenty!
She did. She was still starving, the half-eaten pastry just a memory now, and she had two bowls of the delicious hearty soup, a good chunk of cheese and two slices of the soft, warm oat bread that was Mrs McCraes forte. And while she ate, Jenni took the opportunity to fill her in on the wedding plans to date.
OK. Ive had a few ideas, she said, making Alec splutter into his soup, which earned him a loving swat from his fiance. Youre not here for long, Mum, so I thought we should spend today planning and having a brainstorming session, and then tomorrow were going to Glasgow to look at dresses. Ive made some appointments, and Ive made sure they know that theres only two months, but the places were going all have samples which they can sell us, so we wont have to go through the business of ordering them, which takes ages. Now, theyll probably need altering, so
Rob watched her in wry amusement. Shed been planning this for ages, he knew, and Alecs proposal had been like a breath on a hair trigger. He just hoped that Maisie was ready for it.
CHAPTER THREE
SHES amazing. Is there anything she hasnt thought of? Shes so organisedits like a military operation!
Rob leant back against the ancient stone wall of the gun court, propped his elbows on it and chuckled, to her surprise. Did you really expect anything else?
Maisie shrugged, turning to stare out over the sea below. I dont know. I hadnt really thought about it, but it never occurred to me shed have it all down pat. What if it doesnt work out? What if something cant fit into her carefully orchestrated plan?
Then shell have a little fit and learn the meaning of the word compromise, he said drily.
Maisie shook her head. Shes got all these ideas so firmly fixed. How longs she been planning it?
His broad shoulders lifted in a casual shrug. Months? Years, probably. Come on, ever since she knew the meaning of the word bride shes been looking forward to this day. She just wants to be a princess. Thats why Alec didnt ask her ages ago, he told me. He knew the second he said anything, shed be off like a rat out of a trap, and so he had to wait until the time was right.
Buttwo months? She winced just thinking about it, about all the plans that had to be put into action before the big day, but Rob seemed unperturbed.
She doesnt need more than that, and he realised that if she had longer, shed drive herself and everyone else round the bend. You know what shes like. Single-minded, determined, knows what she wants and gets it. Now, who does that remind you of? he added drily, one brow arched in a mocking salute.
What? He thought she was like that? She nearly laughed out loud, because the one thing the only thingshed ever really wanted was standing right there with her now, and shed failed, lost the only thing shed really, truly needed in her life.
The love of the man she adored, the man who had given her his child and then turned his back on her when shed needed him the most.
I think you overestimate my powers, she murmured wryly.
Well, lets hope not, because this wedding is all down to you now. Ill do what I can, but Im up to my eyes with the estate and the summers a nightmare with all the guests, so I cant tell you how glad I am that youre here to do it all.
ButRob, I have a life, six hundred miles away! I cant just be here and sort it! I have things to do!
Cant you work round them? You can go back for the weddingsheaven knows there cant be that many, and your features you can write from here. You could do one on being a wedding planner.
What, and get tax relief on the wedding as a research tool, I suppose?
Well, its a thought, he said, his lips quirking. It drew her attention to them, to the clean, sculpted line of the top lip, the firm fullness of the lower. Hed kissed her with those lips, trailed them over her skin, driven her crazy with need with just the lightest touch
Dont go there! Keep focused on the wedding.
She stroked her fingers over the barrel of an ancient cannon, testing the rough surface with her fingertips, searching for compromise. I have commitments, Rob. I cant just walk away from my life at a moments notice.
So youll need to commute. Go back for your weddings, if youve got commitments, and be here when you can. Its not for long.
Itll cost a fortune! she said, horrified, but he just shrugged.
So? Shes your daughter. Ill pay your train fares. Talking of which, youll need money for tomorrow. Ill give you a card and my pin number so youve got plenty of cash.
That wont be necessary. Im buying her dress.
Ah. I wasnt thinking of the dress, I was talking about the train fare and incidentals, but um there might be a problem with the dress.
She tilted her head, searching his eyes. A problem? she echoed, a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach.
My mother wants to buy it for her.
She felt herself recoil. No! Im sorry, Rob. You can do everything else your way, but this is for me to do. Shes my daughter. Im buying her wedding dress. Tell your mother to give her something else.
.
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Caroline Anderson
MOTHER OF THE
BRIDE
Caroline Anderson
www.millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk)
CHAPTER ONE
MAISIE.
Just the one word, but it curled around her, invading every part of her, swamping her with its gruff warmth. Her heart went into overdrive, her breath stalling at the unaccustomed and yet, oh, so familiar sound of his voice. And then fear kicked in.
Rob, what is it? Whats happened?
Nothings happenedyet, he said quietly. I just wanted to warn you, Alecs going to ask Jenni to marry him this evening, and he wanted my blessing. I thought you should know.
So the time had come. Maisies heart sank. For the last three years, ever since her baby had started dating the gentle, humorous Alec Cooper with his smouldering eyes and teasing sense of fun, shed been waiting for this moment, and now it was here. Her legs felt like jelly, her heart was pounding, her mouth was dry, and she wanted to scream, No! Shes too young! Dont let her, shes not ready
Maisie?
Im OK, she said, sitting down abruptly on the edge of the bed. The bed in which shed given Rob her virginity over twenty-one years ago.
Are you sure?
Sort of. Thank you for warning me, although it would have been nice if Alec had done it, she said.
I know, he said, his voice sympathetic. I suggested he should, but he was afraid youd try and warn Jenni off.
Rob, Im her mother!
Exactly. And you have
Issues? she offered into the silence, and he gave a quiet huff of laughter that clawed at her insides.
You could put it that way. I told him youd be upset, but he was very reluctant in case you tried to speak to Jenni, to talk her out of it, because hes been planning it for ages, apparently, and he was desperate for it to be a surprise.
Rob, he should have spoken to me, too. Im the one whos brought her up. Or doesnt my blessing count?
His sigh was soft. Maisie, dont be like that. I asked him to talk to you, he said hed think about it, but obviously he didnt feel he could, or he hasnt been able to get you. He asked me not to tell you until he had time to ask Jenni, and hes doing that now, as we speak, so I couldnt tell you any sooner. I gave him my word. You have to respect that.
Of course she did. She just felt out of the loop, as usual, at the bottom of the heap when it came to knowing anything, and it hurt. It doesnt matter, she lied, but he cut in gently.
It doesand Im really sorry. If it helps, he only asked me about four hours ago. And my mother doesnt know.
A small crumb of comfort, but surprisingly perceptive of him to know shed needed it.
She closed her eyes and gave a tiny, shaky little laugh. Rob, theyre so young.
Theyll be fine. Im sure Jennill ring you the moment theyre back. It might be nice if you act surprised.
She swallowed. Sureand, Rob Thank you for warning me.
Its a pleasure, he said, his voice low and gruff, and she felt the familiar shiver down her spine.
How could he still do that to her, after all these years? She should have got over him by now. She said goodbye and replaced the phone in the cradle, and sat staring at the wall blankly. It really was going to happen. Jenni and Alec were getting married, and even though shed known it was coming, she was still reeling with shock.
Youre being ridiculous, she told herself, and, getting up, she went back over to her wardrobe and carried on the weeding process shed been engaged in when Rob had called.
She pulled out a hanger and stared at it blankly. Good grief, how ever long had she had these trousers? Far too long, she hadnt worn them for years. She dumped them on the growing pile, found a few other things and then realised shed put her favourite dress on the pile by accident.
She wasnt with it at all, she was miles away, in Scotland, with Jenni, praying that common sense would prevail and shed tell Alec they should wait. Hoping it would work for them. Worried that it wouldnt, that like their marriage, Jennis would prove too frail to stand the test of time.
Theyll be fine.
Would they? She didnt know, but Robs deep, warm voice echoed in her ears, and if she let herself, she could almost believe it. But not quite, because hed said the same thing to her over twenty-one years ago, when hed asked her to marry him.
Well be fine, Maisie. Youll see. Itll be all right.
But it hadnt been. It hadnt been all right at all, in the end, even though the beginning had been blissful. Stormy, sometimes, but theyd always, always made up after a row, and sometimes she wondered if theyd had fights just for the hell of it, so they could make up afterwards. She laughed at the memory, but her smile faded and she felt her eyes fill.
Shed married him not only because she loved him, but also because shed been eighteen, scared, pregnant, and her family wanted nothing to do with her. Her options had been severely restricted, and shed thought he loved her as much as shed loved him, but shed been wrong. She must have been. If hed loved her, hed have come after her, but he hadnt, so shed concluded sadly that hed only married her out of duty, when theyd hardly known each other certainly not well enough to weather the birth of Jenni while he was away at sea and she was alone in Scotland with his less-than-enthralled parents.
It wasnt really surprising that it hadnt worked, under the circumstances. Theyd been children, out of their depth in the welter of emotions theyd encountered, coping with a situation that would have challenged anyone. And when she couldnt bear it any more up there without him, when shed left Scotland and come back down here to Cambridge, hed done nothing about it, to her horror and distress. There had just been a terrible, deafening silence.
He hadnt come to her when hed had his next shore leave, as shed expected, hadnt tried to find out what was wrong, but had said nothing, done nothing for six whole months except send money to her account. Shed taken it because shed had no choice, and shed written to him begging him to come to her, to talk to heranything, but thered been no reply, and then at last there had been a letter asking for access to Jenni in their divorce settlementa divorce that hadnt even been on her agenda until hed broached the subject. Shocked, devastated, shed agreed to everything hed asked, and the only contact theyd had since then had been over Jenni.
Shed hardly seen him in all this time scarcely at all since Jenni had grown old enough to spend time with him alone without needing her, and certainly not at all in the last five years. They hardly even spoke on the phone any more. There was no need. If there was anything relating to Jenni, it was discussed with her directly, which was why his call today out of the blue had been so shocking.
She couldnt remember the last conversation theyd had that had lasted more than a very few seconds, but she guessed theyd be having to talk to each other now, and the thought brought all her confused and tumbled emotions about him racing to the surface. Emotions shed never dealt with, just closed off behind a wall of ice in her heart before they destroyed her.
She still loved him, she realised. Shed die loving him, but it was a one-sided, unrequited love that had never stood a chance. And she was far too old to be so foolish.
The phone rang again, and for a moment she stared at it, her heart pounding, knowing who it was, knowing what she was about to hear, but stalling anyway because until she heard it, it might not be true
Mummy?
Hello, darling. How are you?
Amazing! Youll never guess whatare you sitting down?
She wasnt, but she did. Rapidly. OK. Fire away, whats happened? she said, trying to sound fascinated and intrigued and enthusiastic instead of just filled with a sense of doom. Shed seen the look in Jennis eyes, and Alec reminded her so much of Rob as he had beenyoung, eager, in love
Alecs asked me to marry him!
She squeezed her eyes shut briefly and sucked in a breath. Hard. Her lungs were jammed up tight, her heart was in the way and she wanted to cry.
She didnt. She opened her eyes, forced a smile and said, Oh, my goodnessso what did you say? As if she didnt know what the answer would have been.
Jenni laughed, her happiness radiating unmis- takeably down the phone line. My baby. My precious, precious baby.
Yes, of course! What on earth did you expect me to say? Mummy, I love him! Youre supposed to be pleased for me! You are pleased for me, arent you?
There was a note of uncertainty, of pleading, and Maisie sat up straighter and forced some life into her voice. Oh, darling, of course I amif its what you really want.
You know its what I want. I love him, and I want to be with him forever.
Then congratulations, she said softly. And then, pretending she didnt already know, she added, I wonder what your father will say?
Oh, hes really happy for us.
Thats good. Her voice sounded hollow, echoing in her ears, but Jenni laughed again, unaware of Maisies inner turmoil.
Alec asked him first, apparently. Theyre really close, and he wanted his blessingits so like him. He really wanted to do it right, and I had absolutely no idea. It was amazing. He took me up to the ruin and got down on one knee and I just burst into tears. I think he was a bit shocked.
Im sure he wasnt, he knows you better than that. So, when are you talking about? Next year? The year after?
As soon as I graduatewe thought maybe the third Saturday in June, if the church is free?
But, Jenni, thats only a few weeks! she said, her mind whirling. Surely notplease, no, that would be too ironic if Jenni, too.
Ten and a halfbut thats fine. We want to get it over before the really busy summer season, and the weather will be best then. If we wait until autumn the weather up here could be cold and wet and awful.
Up there? she said, the timescale forgotten, blanked out by this last bombshell.
Wellyes, of course up here, Mum! Its where I live now, where everyone is, except you. Were all here.
Jenni was right, of course, and she should have seen it coming. They all did live up there, light years away in the wild and rugged West Highlands. Everyone except her. Jennis fianc Alec, his family, Jennis uni friends in Glasgow, Alecs friendsand Jennis father.
Robert Mackenzie, Laird of Ardnashiel, king of his castleliterally. And shed been nothing, a nobody; in the words of the taunting kindergarten rhyme, the dirty rascal, the girl whod got herself knocked up with the heirs baby and then, little more than a year after their wedding, had walked away. Why had he let her go without a murmur, without coming after her, without trying to fix what was surely not that broken? She didnt know. She might never know.
And now her darling daughtertheir daughterwas getting married, in the very church where she and Rob had made their vows over twenty years ago. Vows that had proved as insubstantial as cobwebs
She shuddered and sucked in a breath, the silence on the phone hanging in the air like the blade on a guillotine.
Mum?
Yes, darling. Sorry. Of course youre having it there, she agreed, squashing the regret that she wouldnt be married here, in Cambridge, from the home where shed grown up. But that was unrealistic, and she was sensible enough to recognise that now. Where else, when youve got such a lovely setting? Butonly ten and a half weeks? she said, her voice perilously close to a squeak of dismay as she thought of the reasons that might exist for their haste. Dont you need longer to plan it? she hedged.
The lovely ripple of her daughters laughter made Maisie want to cry again. Oh, its all planned! Were having the wedding here in the church, of course, and the hotel in the village can do the catering. Theyve got a brilliant restaurant, so the food will be great. And well have a marquee on the lawn and if it rains theres plenty of room inside, and we can have a ceilidh in the ballroom itll be wonderful! But you have to come now, because I need a dress and Ive only got a week and a bit before I have to go back to uni, and you have to help me choose it. And we have to look for something for you, tooyoull need something really lovely, and I want to be there when you choose it. I need you, Mum. Say youll come.
Her voice had dropped, sounding suddenly hesitant, and Maisie knew she had no choice. Wanted no choice. This was her baby, her only child, and she was getting married, whether Maisie liked it or not.
Of course Ill come, she said, squashing down her apprehension and concentrating on being positive. I wouldnt miss it for the world.
Great. I cant wait, its going to be such fun! Look, I have to go, weve got to tell Alecs parents before they go to bed, but Ill hand you over to Dad. He wants to talk to you.
Oh, lord. Not now. Please, not now, not again. She needed to crawl under the covers and have a really good howl, and the last thing she needed to do was make small talk with the man who still held her heart in the palm of his hand.
She wants me to come up, she told him, sticking firmly to business.
Yes. It needs to be soon, so I hope you arent too busy. When are you free?
Never. Not to go there, to the chilly, forbidding castle, with his mother still there despising her and him indifferent to her feelings, doing what was right instead of what mattered and riding roughshod over her heart. Except apparently he wasnt indifferent to her feelings any more. Maybe hed grown up. Twenty years could do that to you.
Its not too bad for the next couple of weeks. I interviewed someone today for a feature that I have to write up, and Im doing a wedding tomorrow
Cant you hand it over to someone?
She shook her head. No. Not this one.
Why not? Surely some other photographer.
She sucked in a breath, stunned that he could dismiss her so easily, implying that any photographer could do the job as well, as if it was just a case of pressing the right button at the right time. So much for him not being indifferent to her feelings!
I dont think you quite understand the process, she said drily, hanging onto her temper. Quite apart from the fact that they want me,not some other photographer, she told him, you have to understand that brides are very emotional and theres no way Id let her down at this point. I gave them my wordto quote you. And you have to respect that.
There was a heartbeat of silence, then a quiet sigh. All right. So you have to do the wedding. What time will you be through?
Five? Maybe six, at the latest. Its in Cambridge, so its local.
Soif you get the seven-fifteen from Cambridge to Kings Cross tomorrow night, you can pick up the Deerstalker from Euston that gets to Fort William at ten the next morning. Will that be OK?
The overnight sleeper? It would cost an arm and a legbut shed do it, for Jenni. Yes, Ill book it.
Ive done it. Im doing it on line now. Ill have the tickets waiting for you at the station to collect, and Ill pick you up in Fort William the day after tomorrow. And, Maisie? he added, his voice dropping.
Yes?
I know this is going to be difficult for you. Itll be difficult for me, too, but we have to do this for Jenni.
Of course we do, she said wearily. And itll be fine. I just wish I felt they were doing the right thing.
It is the right thing. Itll be all right, Maisie. Youll see.
Those words again, echoing back at her over the years, reminding her of just how frail a thing love could be under pressure. She hoped he was rightheavens, how she hoped it, but she wouldnt bank on it. They were so young, so eager, so unaware of all the pain.
Ill see you at ten on Thursday, she said, and switched the phone off.
Thursday morning. Onlyshe glanced at her watchthirty-six hours away. No time at all to shore up her defences and get her armour plating up and running.
Shed need days
Ridiculous. She hadnt done it in twenty years, what made her think a few more days could make any difference?
She got off the bedthe very bed where hed loved her so tenderly, so sweetly, so patiently. So skilfully. She stroked the quilt smooth, her mind back in the long-ago days when love had been sweet and laughter had been the order of the day.
Shed been about to start her degree here at the local collegenot as prestigious as one of the Cambridge University colleges, of course, but it offered a good degree in journalismand she had needed accommodation. Cheap accommodation. And Rob, who had just graduated with flying colours from one of the Cambridge colleges, had been looking for someone to share his house. He was off to serve in the Royal Navy, a six-year commission, and he needed a care taker, all running expenses paid in return for maintaining the house in good condition in his absence.
Only one provisoshe had to live in it alone and share it with him occasionally when he was on shore leave, but that suited her fine, because it was the only way she could afford it and it meant she could get away from home, from a repressive father who didnt think she needed to go away to college.
So shed arranged to view it, and theyd gone out for a drink to discuss the fine detail. Well, that had been the excuse. In fact, theyd just wanted to spend time together, and over the next few days theyd fallen headlong in love. Just a week after theyd met, shed ended up here in this room, in this bed, giving him her heart.
He still had it. He always would.
She sighed and turned her back on the bed. She wanted nothing more than to crawl under the quilt and cry her eyes out, but she had a feature to write up before tomorrow, clothes to pack for her trip, a wedding to prepare forand besides, she was all done crying over Robert Mackenzie. Shed worn that particular T-shirt out long ago, and she wasnt going there again.
How do you think she took it?
Badly. Especially when hed implied that another photographer could step into her shoes at a moments notice. Hed have to do better than that, Rob thought ruefully.
He smiled at his daughterhis beautiful, clever, radiantly happy daughterand lied. Shes fine, he told her. Ive booked her train ticket, and Ill pick her up
Let meplease? Give me time with her, so I can talk her down a little. Shell be nervous.
Nervous? Would she? Quite possibly, he conceded. She might not be very thrilled about it, but shes got nothing to be nervous about, he said, trying to reassure their daughter.
But Jenni looked at him, wise beyond her years, and shook her head. Of course she has. She hated it here. She hasnt been here for twenty years and shell be unsure of her welcome.
Butthats silly! Shes your mother! Of course shes welcome, he said, but then he thought about it, about the defensive tone of her voice, about how much shed seemed to hate it here, and he sighed softly.
Ill still pick her up. Even more reason. I can talk to her.
Jenni chewed her lip. Dadshe wont want to talk to you. She goes out of her way to be out if youre coming to the house, she wont even look at youwhat if she refuses to get in the car?
She wont refuse, he said, wishing he was as certain as he sounded. Shes not that fond of walking.
Jenni gave a splutter of laughter and came over and hugged him, slapping him on the chest simultaneously. That was mean. You be kind to her or shell end up in the hotel in the village, I know she will.
Ill be kind to her, Jenni, he promised, serious now. I was always kind to her.
Were you? Shes never really said anything very much about you, just that it didnt work out.
Thats about the size of it, he said, carefully keeping his voice neutral. But dont worry. We can do this. Itll be fine, Jenni.
Are you sure? Youll probably fight like hell. I dont think you know her. She seems like a pussy-cat, but she can be pretty feisty, you know.
He laughed, but her words echoed in his head. Feisty? Oh, yes, shed been feisty, but that wasnt how he remembered her. He remembered her after their fightssweet, tender, passionate until the end. Then shed just been withdrawn and uncommunicative, as if all the spark had gone out of her, and he hadnt known how to get through to her. Jenni was right. He really didnt know her, the woman whod been his wife, whod taken his heart and broken it into little pieces.
Im sure we can be adult about it, he said, not at all convinced but hoping it was true.
Jenni tipped her head on one side. Why did neither of you ever get married again? I mean, I know why you didnt stay married to each other, its not rocket science, but why didnt you marry anyone else? Its not as if youre hideous, either of you, and youre both so nice.
He shrugged, not intending to drag his wounds out into the open for his daughter to pick the scabs off. Never got round to it, I suppose, he said casually. First I was in the navy, and then I was juggling establishing my business in London and being a father to you, and then my own father died and I had to move up here and take over the estate. And its hard to meet anyone when youre up here in the backwaters, especially if you work in an almost exclusively male environment. Bear in mind that the majority of women who come to the estate are partners of men who come for the sport. They arent looking for a husband.
Are you sure? Maybe they want to switch husbands? And anyway, thats rubbish. Its never hard to meet people when youre rich, its just hard to meet the right people, she said drily, and he could tell from her tone that there was a wealth of hurt there. Shed encountered some gold- diggers at uni, men whod only been interested in her for her inheritance, shed told him, but Alec, fiercely protective, had been there for her through thick and thin, and he knew the young man loved his daughter from the bottom of his kind and generous heart.
If only theyd been so lucky, him and Maisie. If only theyd found a love like that. It might not be rocket science, but it was a mystery to him why they hadnt got on. It had been so good at first, so special. Nothing had ever felt like it since, and that, of course, was why hed never married again. Because to be married to anyone other than his Maisie would have been a travesty, a betrayal of everything he stood for.
He swallowed and stepped back, gently disentangling himself from Jennis embrace, and headed for the door. Sorry, sweetheart, Ive got a million things to do. Ill see you for dinner.
He went out, whistling the dogs, and headed down to the water. He needed a walk, a good, long stretch along the beach and then up over the headland, the point that gave Ardnashiel its prefix. There had been a hut there once, evidently, a shiel, which long ago had given way to the original castle, and he climbed the hill towards the ruins, needing the peace, the solitude that he would find there.
It was his retreat, the place he went to soothe his soul, the harsh wind and savage sea the only things wild enough to match the turmoil in his heart, but today they could do nothing to wipe out the memories of his love, here in this place, where hed brought her so many times. And now, for the first time, she was coming back, not to him, but to the castle.
It was a step he hadnt been sure shed ever take, but now she was, and in two days shed be here.
His beloved, beautiful Maisie was coming home
The train was on the platform as she collected her ticket, and she only just made it before the doors closed.
The wedding had gone on longer than shed expected, and it had been harder than shed imagined. She didnt know whymaybe because now she had become the mother of a bride, and could put herself in Annettes shoes, with the agony of her uncertain future. Shed had a health scare, and was facing a gruelling treatment regime over the next months and maybe years, but today had not been a day for dwelling on that. Today was her daughters day, and Annette had been radiant.
Im so proud of her. Doesnt she look beautiful? shed said to Maisie in a quiet, private moment, a little oasis in the midst of the revelry, and Maisies eyes had filled.
Yesyes, she does, she looks absolutely gorgeous, and so do you.
Annette had met her eyes, her own distressed. Take plenty of photos, she begged, and then added softly, Just in case.
Maisie had swallowed. I will. I have. Ive got some wonderful ones of you together, and Ill get them to you very soon.
Thank you, Annette had said almost silently, and Maisie had held her gently and shared that quiet moment of knowledge that there might not be very much time left to her, and every second mattered.
So now, on the train to London, she was downloading the photos from her camera onto her laptop, then burning them onto several disks and labelling them. Thank God for mobile technology, she thought as she put the disks in the post on her way from Kings Cross to Euston.
She was pleased with the photos. Shed go through them, of course, editing out the dross and cropping and tidying up the images so they could look at them on her website, and shed produce an album with the family once theyd chosen the ones they wanted, but for now, at least, theyd get them in the raw form almost immediately to look through with Annette.
And hopefully, in the years to come, shed be showing them to her grandchildren, but if not, at least theyd have a wonderful record of that beautiful day.
She blinked away the tears and stared out of the window of the sleeper at the passing lights. The cabin was claustrophobicfirst class, the best it could be, but she was too full of emotion, from the wedding and from the task facing her, to sit still.
She locked up her cabin securely and went to the lounge to order food. She hadnt eaten at the wedding, and shed had her hands full on the platform at Euston, and her blood sugar was through the floor.
Even so, she didnt touch her supper. Her stomach felt as if someone had tied a knot in it and she gave up and went back to her cabin, lying down on the narrow berth and staring at the window, watching the lights flash past as they moved through stations, but mostly it was dark, the velvety blackness of the countryside all- engulfing as the train carried her north towards Rob.
And Jenni. It was about Jenni, she reminded herselfJenni and Alec. She had to keep focus, remind herself what she was doing this for, or shed go crazy.
Actually, what she needed was sleep, not the constant rumble of the rails, the clatter of the points, the slowing and shunting and pausing while goods trains went past, until she thought shed scream. It wasnt the trains fault. It was comfortable, privateas good as it could be. It was just that she didnt want to be on it, didnt want to be doing this, and the memories were crashing over her like a tidal wave.
Shed done it for the first time when she was pregnant, when shed just finished her first years exams at Cambridge and was heading up to Scotland to wait for the birth. Shed wanted to stay in Cambridge, in their little house, but Rob had insisted she should move up to the castle. You can be looked after there, and my parents will want to spend time with the baby, hed said and so, because he wasnt there to drive her this time, as he had every other time theyd been, because he was already away at sea, shed got on the train, exhausted, aching, and by the time shed reached Glasgow, shed realised she was in labour.
Shed been taken straight to the hospital in Fort William, and the next few hours were still a blur in her mind, but as the train rolled on, she kept reliving it, snatches of the pain and fear, knowing Rob was at sea and wanting him, needing him with her. And when hed come at last, weeks later, hed been differentdistant, almost as if he couldnt bring himself to touch her. Shed known then that there was something wrong, but they hadnt talked about it, just tiptoed carefully around the cracks in their relationship as if they werent there. And then hed gone away again, back to sea, and left her behind to face the cold, dark winter there without him.
She hadnt been able to do it. Leaving the castle, going back south to Cambridgeit had seemed such a sensible move, the only thing she could do to stay sane. It had never occurred to her that Rob wouldnt follow.
She turned over, thumped the pillow, squeezed her eyes shut and pulled the quilt over her head, but the images were still there, crowding into her head, keeping her awake.
She gave up in the end, sitting perched on the lid of the washbasin in the corner and staring out of the window as the dawn broke. The countryside was getting wilder, the hills higher, the gentle ripples in the landscape giving way to crumples and then sharp, jagged pleats as they went further north. It was stark, bleak, with a wild majesty that made something in her ache at the beauty of it, but it terrified her, too, because of all the memories it held for her.
She was washed and dressed before the attendant knocked on the door with her breakfasta hot bacon roll, tea and some fruit saladand she sat on the bunk staring out over the wild, untamed landscape as the train slowly wended its way around the hills to Fort William, stopping at every station on the way, tiny outposts of civilisation in the midst of barren wilderness.
Not long now, she thought, and her stomach rejected all thought of the bacon roll after the first bite. She was fraught with nerves, too tense to eat, so she sipped her tea as they climbed up onto the flat and desolate plateau of Rannoch Moor, picked at the fruit because it was ridiculous to have nothing, and then gathered her things together as they pulled into the station in Fort William.
And then, when it was too late to do anything about it, she glanced at the mirror and winced. She looked awful. Dark circles under her tired, strained eyes, her hair in wild red corkscrews, needing attentionshe hated travelling, hated the rush and pressure and hanging about. And Ardnashiel was waiting.
Im not ready for it! she wanted to wail, but she didnt, she just picked up her camera bag, slung it over her shoulder, picked up her laptop and her suitcase and got off the train.
It should be like Brief Encounter, she thought, all swirling steam and whistles, but it wasnt, it was loud and noisy, unintelligible and horribly familiar. She took a deep breath and looked up, and he was there, walking slowly towards her in jeans and a sweater, with his rangy, muscular limbs and broad, solid shoulders. His hair was touched with grey now, she noticed in surprise, crows feet at the corners of his wary, slate-blue eyes, and when he smiled, the crows feet crinkled and turned her legs to mush.
Maisie, he said, and his voice curled round her again, seeping into her heart and unravelling all her resolve.
Hello, Rob. Here, you can make yourself useful, she said, and handed over her luggage before he could do anything stupid like kiss her cheek and pretend they were friends.
Is this all?
Three bags? Isnt that enough? I can tell what sort of women youve been mixing with, Mackenzie.
His smile was wry. Yeah, your daughter. Ive conveyed her and her clutter back and forth to uni for the last three years, remember. I know how you women travel.
Im only here for a weektwo weeks, max.
Well see. Come on, then, lets head back.
To Ardnashiel. Her heart thumped, and she bit her lip as he led her into the car park and plipped the remote control in his hand. Lights flashed on a carlow, sleek and expensive. She might have known. Hed always liked expensive cars. He stashed her belongings in the boot, then opened the door for her. Can I put the lid down, or do you want it up? he asked as he slid in behind the wheel and turned to her.
She shrugged, unsurprised that the car was a convertible, a folding hard-top. Hed never been able to get enough fresh air. Whatever you like. My hairs a mess anyway. I need a shower.
You look fine, Maisie, he said softly. More than fine. She lookedlovely. Wary, hesitant, out of her comfort zone, but lovely. And he wanted her to himself, just for a little bit longer.
He pressed the button to fold the roof and held her eyes. Do you fancy a coffee on the way?
She frowned then gave a slight smile, the first one since shed got off the train. Actually, that would be really nice. I didnt eat much yesterdaytoo busy. And I didnt really fancy breakfast. Im starving.
OK. Well do coffee. Theres a lovely place opened since you were here last.
Rob, theres been time for dozens of places to open and shut since I was here last, she pointed out, and he gave a quiet laugh.
I know. Its been a long time. Too long.
He started the engine then they purred softly out of the car park and headed out on the road to Mallaig. The air was cool, but it was a beautiful day and the sun was shining, and she put her head back against the butter-soft leather of the seat and closed her eyes, but even so, she couldnt cut him out of her thoughts.
She was aware of every movement he made, every breath he took, every flex of his muscles. Not because she could hear, or see, but because she just knew. After all this time, she still knew, her body so aware of him that her nerves were screaming.
How on earth had she imagined she could do this?
CHAPTER TWO
SHE looked wonderful. Tired, with deep smudges under her eyes, but wonderful.
She wasnt asleep, just resting her eyes, but it meant he could look at her out of the corner of his eye without being seen. And he wanted to look at her. Ridiculously badly.
She looked just the same, he thought with a twist to his heart. Well, no, not just the same, because she was thirty-nine now and shed been eighteen when theyd first met, but the years had been kind to her and if anything she was more beautiful than shed been twenty years ago.
Her skin was like rich cream, smooth and silky, dusted with freckles, and he wondered if it would still smell the way it had, warm and fragrant and uncomplicated. Her hair, wild and untamed, was still that wonderful rich red, a dark copper that shed passed on to Jenni but which in their daughter was mellowed by his dark- haired gene to a glorious auburn.
She had the temper to go with it, too, the feistiness Jenni had reminded him of. It was something that fortunately neither of them had handed on to their daughter, but although at first theyd had stand-up fights that had ended inevitably in bed with tearful and passionate reconciliation, by the end thered been no sign of it. And hed missed it. Missed the fights, missed the making up. Missed his Maisie.
He sighed and turned into the car park of the caf overlooking the top of Loch Linnhe, and by the time hed cut the engine she had her seat-belt undone and was reaching for the door handle.
She straightened up and looked around, giving him a perfect back view, her jeans gently hugging that curved, shapely bottom that had fitted so well in his hands
This looks nice.
He swallowed hard and hauled in a breath. It is nice. Its owned by the people who run the hotel in the village. Theyve got a local produce shop here as well, selling salmon and venison and cheese and the like.
And insect repellent?
He chuckled, remembering her constant battle with the midges. Probably. He held the door, and she went in and sniffed the air, making him smile.
Oh, the coffee smells good.
It is good. What are you having?
Cappuccino, andthey look tasty.
They are. Do me a favour and dont even ask about the calories.
Dont worry, I wont, she vowed, making him laugh. Im starving.
He ordered the coffees and two of the trademark gooey pastries, and they headed for a table by the window. He set the tray down and eased into the seat opposite her, handing her her cup.
So, how did the wedding go yesterday?
A flicker of distress appeared in her moss- green eyes before she looked down at her coffee. She poked the froth for a moment. OK. Lovely. Very beautiful. Very moving. The brides mothers not wellthats why I couldnt hand it over.
He frowned. Why didnt they postpone it?
Because shes about to start chemo, Maisie said softly. They had to rush the wedding forward, and the last thing I could do to them was upset them at this stage. They wanted me, they trusted me, and Id promised.
Of course. Im sorry, I didnt appreciate that at the time. I can quite see that you had to stay, and Im sorry if I implied that anyone else could take over from you. Of course that isnt true, especially under those circumstances. You had no choice.
She blinked. Hed really taken her comments on board, if that was anything to go by, but she wasnt surprised. Hed always been one for doing the right thingeven when it was wrong.
Youll be wanting to send them the images.
Ive done it. I downloaded them on the train and posted them at Euston. Just in case. She sighed softly as she broke off, biting her lip and thinking of Annette.
Poor woman, he murmured. It must have been hard for the family, dealing with all those emotions.
She nodded, but then she went quiet, sipping her coffee, absently tearing up the pastry and nibbling at it. Rob, this weddingare you sure its right for them? Theyre so young.
Not that young.
They are! Just like we were. We were far too young.
You cant compare them to us. Theyre three years older than we were
No. I was eighteen, shes twenty. Thats only two years.
Shes almost twenty-one. Shell be twenty-one by the wedding, and Alec will be twenty-four. And those years make a lot of difference. You were only just eighteen and pregnant, and I was twenty- one and committed to the navy for six years, and we didnt know each other nearly well enough.
We still dont.
No. Jenni said that on Tuesday, and I think she was right. But theyre different, Maisie. They know each other through and through. Theyve been friends ever since they were children, and this has been growing for years. Theyre genuinely deeply in love, and its great to see them together. We didnt stand a chance, but they do. I think theyll be very happy together.
You dont think they should wait?
What for?
Good question. She stared out of the window over the gently rippling waters of the loch and sighed. I dont know, she murmured. To be more settled?
They are settled. Alecs got a good job
One youve given him. Rob, you are sure about him, arent you? she asked, her anxiety surfacing. You dont think hes using her?
Rob frowned. Using her? Of course hes not. Theyve known each other for years!
That wouldnt stop some people.
Maisie, Alecs not like that.
So what is he like? Tell meIm worried, Rob.
You dont need to be. Theyve known each other since they were childrenhe taught her to ride a bike, for heavens sake. They used to play together when she came up in the holidays, and theyve always got on. He was born in the cottage his parents still live in, and his father was my estate manager until he retired five years ago. He worked for my father, and my uncle before him, and his father before him, so hes the third generation to look after Ardnashiel. Its in his blood, even more than it is in mine, and I cant think of a safer pair of hands either for the estate or for Jenni. Hes kind and decent, honest as the day is long, and he really loves her. You honestly dont need to worry.
She nodded slowly, reassured by his measured assessment of his future son-in-law. And your mother? How does she feel about him?
She likes him. Shes very fond of him, actually.
Really? Even though hes one of the estate employees? Im surprised she thinks hes good enough for her.
His brows scrunched together in a frown. What makes you say that?
Well, they made it clear I wasnt good enough for youor was that just my lack of morals?
He gave a harsh sigh. You dont change, do you? he said. You always were a little too quick to judge.
I wasnt judging her, she was judging me! Thats unfair!
Is it? he said softly, his eyes searching hers. You didnt give my father the benefit of the doubt, you rebuffed all my mothers offers of friendship and you walked off and left me. That was unfair.
She opened her mouth to argue, thought better of it, here in this public place, and shut it again. Shed tell him another timemaybejust what his mothers offers of friendship had consisted of. And as for his father, there was no doubt to give him the benefit of. Hed hated her, despised her, and hed made sure she and everybody else had known it. And she hadnt left him, shed left the castle, and hed let her go, made no attempt to follow her, to find out what was wrong.
This is neither the time nor place to go over all of this, she said, equally quietly. And anyway, its time we got on. Id like to see Jenni now, shell be wondering where we are.
And without waiting to see what he did, she got to her feet and walked out of the caf, leaving her coffee half-drunk and her pastry in shreds all over the table.
Stifling a sigh, Rob threw down a few coins for the tip and followed her out, wondering how on earth they were going to get through all the inevitable meetings and discussions and tantrums that would eventually culminate in the wedding.
Ten and a half weeks, he told himself as he unlocked the car and held the door for her, and it would all be over and shed be gone, and everything would get back to normal.
For some reason, that didnt feel comforting.
The road to Ardnashiel was painfully familiar to Maisie, and they travelled it in a tense and brittle silence.
The first time shed driven it with Rob all those years ago, it had felt very different. Theyd been laughing and holding hands as he drove, their fingers linked on his thigh, and hed been telling her all about it, about the huge, sprawling estate his father had inherited ten years before from an uncle.
He loved it, hed told her. Hed loved it as a child, coming up with his parents to visit his widowed uncle, not realising at first that one day it would be his, and he was looking forward to showing it to her. Since its going to be mine. Not for years and years, though, hed added, laughing. Im not ready to bury myself up here in the wilderness yet, by a long way, but one day, I suppose, the time will come.
That day had come sooner than hed imagined, when his father had died in a shooting accident eight years ago and hed left London and moved up here for good. Shed never been back, though, not since the day shed left and vowed never to return.
The road hadnt changed at all since then, she thought, taking it in as her heart knotted ever tighter in her chest. A quiet, winding road that ran between lush green fields with fat cattle grazing contentedly. It was calm, bucolic, and it should have been beautiful, but it was coloured by association. The last time shed travelled it, shed been in a taxi, leaving it behind, and part of her was still the lonely, desperate young woman that she had been then.
He reached a junction and turned onto a narrow switchback of a road that clung in the gap between the edge of a loch and the wall of rock where the land met the water. It was an appalling road, and yet the fact that it existed at all in such a tight space was a miracle of engineering in itself.
The loch turned into a river, then the road widened as the land levelled out into a flat bowl around the harbour mouth, houses clustered along its walls, fringing the sea and running up towards the hills, and then beyond the small community, set up on its own on a rocky outcrop above the beach, was Ardnashiel Castle.
Built of stone, grey and forbidding, even with the sun shining on it there was a look of menace about it that chilled Maisie to the bone.
Just as it was meant to, really, since it had been built as a fort, but an ancestor had extended it two hundred years ago, creating a more civilised living area and carving gardens out of the woodland that had encroached on it. Hed added little turrets with tops like witches hats, and made the windows bigger, and the first time shed seen it shed thought it was straight out of a fairy-tale, but then things had changed. It had ceased to be a safe haven and begun to feel like a prison, and looking at it now brought the feelings of suffocation crashing back.
And maybe Rob realised it because, as they crossed the stone bridge and drew up in the stable- yard by the coach-house, he glanced across at her for the first time since theyd left the caf and sighed.
Im sorry, he said quietly. I realise its not your fault you dont know Alec, but give him a chance. Please. And my mother. I know you didnt always see eye to eye, but shes worried about seeing you again, worried youll still dislike her.
I didnt dislike her, Rob, she corrected him quietly. She disliked me. And Im sorry if you felt I was being unfair to Alec. I will give him a chance, of course I will. Ive always liked what Ive seen of him, butIm just worried for Jenni, Rob. Shes my little girl, and Id hate to see her make a mistake.
Its not a mistakeand shes my little girl too, remember, he said with a twisted smile that cut her to the heart. Just because she lived with you doesnt mean I didnt love her every bit as much as you did. And I know you feel Ive stolen her from you, but she feels at home here.
She opened her mouth to argue, to say of course she didnt feel that, she knew he hadnt stolen her, but then shut it again, because she did feel like that, did feel that hed stolen not only her daughter but also her wedding, all the planning and girly excitement shed seen so often in other young brides and their mothers, the tears and the tantrums and the laughter.
Which was ridiculous, because she was here now, for exactly that, and she would be here for as long as her daughter needed her.
Rob, its fine. Lets just move on, can we? she said, and then the car door was snatched from her hand and Jenni was hurling herself into the car and hugging her, sitting on the sill and cupping her face, staring at her searchingly.
Are you all right? I know you didnt want to come, but
Im fine, she said softly, and gathering Jenni into her arms she hugged her hard. Its fine. And its going to be loads of fun. Come on, lets go inside and we can start planning!
Brilliant, I cant wait. Here, look, my ring!
She held her hand out, eyes sparkling, face alight with love and happiness, and Maisie looked at the ring, a simple diamond in a white gold band, nothing flashy but perfectly suited to her uncomplicated and slender daughter, and she smiled.
Its lovely. Did he choose it?
She giggled mischievously. I might have hinted a little, she confessed, and Rob snorted.
Only slightly, he said. He was out of the car, taking her bags out of the boot by the time shed disentangled herself from their daughter and climbed out, and she scraped her windswept hair back out of her eyes and reached for her camera.
Rob was there first. Ive got it. You go on in with Jenni, Ill put this lot in your room.
And she was led inside, Jennis arm round her waist, and it was only as they went in that she realised things had changed.
The house was warm, for a start. Warm and bright and welcoming. It had never felt like that, not even in the summer, the year shed had Jenni. And Jenni had taken her in through the front door, instead of round the side and in through the kitchen, the way Rob had always taken her in.
Through the tradesmens entrance?
She was being ridiculous. Hed treated her as a member of the family instead of a visitor, but JenniJenni was treating her as if she was special, a treasured and valued guest, ushering her in, smiling and laughing and hugging her, and as she led her into the drawing room, so familiar and yet so different, Helen Mackenzie got to her feet and came towards them. Older, stiffer, but still beautiful, still the elegant, dignified and aloof woman shed always been.
Maisiewelcome back, she said softly, and held out her hand.
Maisie shook it, glad she hadnt kissed her or embraced her. It would have felt wrong after all the bitterness of the past, and the formal, impersonal contact was enough for now. More than enough. She found a smile and wished she wasnt wearing jeans and had had time to drag a brush through her hair.
Thank you, Mrs Mackenzie, she said politely, and then foundered, but it didnt matter.
Robs mother simply smiled, said, Please, call me Helen, and took up where shed left off and asked if shed had a good journey, and if shed like a drink.
Tea? Coffee? Or something cold, perhaps?
Actually, Id love a glass of water.
Of course. I always get very dehydrated when Im travelling. There just dont seem to be the opportunities to drink anything civilised. Jenni, my dear, would you ask Mrs McCrae if she could find us a bottle of spring water? Still or sparkling?
Sparkling would be lovely. Thank you.
How stilted. How formal and civilised and polite, when all Maisie wanted to do was head off with Jenni and hug her and hear all about Alecs proposal.
Maisie, do sit down. You must be exhausted. I dont suppose you slept a wink on that wretched train. I know I never do.
It was very comfortable.
But not restful. Its not the same as a decent bed. She looked down at her hands, flexing her fingers slightly, then met Maisies eyes again, her own, so like Robs and Jennis, troubled. Im glad youve come, she said frankly. I did wonder if you would, but for Jennis sake, if not for anyone elses, I think we should try and put the past behind us and move onlet bygones be bygones.
She opened her mouth to speak, found no words that she was prepared to say out loud, and then was saved from answering by Jenni coming back into the room with Alec.
She got up to greet him and found herself wrapped in a warm, firm hug. Hi. Im sorry I wasnt here to greet you when you arrived, I was just welcoming a group of guests, but I saw you drive by and gave them some flannel about checking on the nesting golden eagles and left them to settle in.
His eyes sparkled mischievously, and Helen gave a rusty chuckle. Youre a terror, Alec Cooper. Will you stay and join us for a drink, or do you have to be somewhere?
Checking the nesting eagles, for instance? Maisie teased, and he laughed.
No, I dont have to be anywhere. The guests have all been before, so they know their way around. Theyre all heading off to the pub for lunch, and Im free for a while. He took her hand in both of his, his eyes serious. So, will you forgive me? Im sorry I didnt manage to talk to you, too. I did try, but your mobile must have been off, and I didnt leave a message. It didnt seem to be the sort of thing I could say to a machine, but well, I know youve had reservations about me, and I really wanted your blessing, too.
Oh, Alec, of course I forgive you, she said, guilt washing over her. He had tried to ringthe missed call from a number she hadnt recognised. And its not that I have reservations, Alec. I dont really know you, and I just want you both to be sure, but Jenni knows you much better than I do, and you probably know her better than I do, come to that, so I have to trust your judgement. I just want my daughter to be happy, and she does seem to be, so of course you have my blessing. But look after her, Alec, treat her right. Thats all I ask.
Of course I will. I love her, Maisie. I love her more than anything or anyone in the world. Ill do nothing to hurt her.
Maisies eyes filled, and she hugged her soon- to-be son-in-law hard, then reached out for Jenni, drawing her into the hug as well. Please let it be all right, she prayed, and then let them go, just as Mrs McCrae came in, set down the tray and engulfed her in yet another hug.
Good heavens, lass, let me look at you. You dont look a day older! Oh, its good to see you again.
She laughed, delighted to see the kindly housekeeper who had been her saviour and only friend in the dark days after Jennis birth. Oh, Mrs McCrae, how lovely to see you again, too! You havent changed, either. I would have known you anywhere!
A few pounds heavier, mind, but my grandchildren keep me fit now when Im not here running up and down stairs after this lot!
She heard a door open and close, then Rob came in. Sorry to be so long. I was held up by a guestsomething about nesting golden eagles?
Alec chuckled. Aha little poetic licence. I wanted to greet my future mother-in-law, but its not a problem. Ill tell them they cant be disturbed, and, anyway, we have got nesting eagles.
Have we?
Aye. I saw them this morning when I was out on the hills checking the deer. Weve a stag needs culling, by the way. Hes been injuredcant put one hind leg to the ground. Its the big old stag with the broken antler and the scar on his rump.
Rob nodded. I wondered about him. He was lame yesterday, I was going to check on him. Can I leave him to you?
Sure.
That dealt with, Rob turned to Maisie, scanning her face for any clue as to her mood, but she was smiling and talking to Mrs McCrae about her grandchildren and giving his mother a wide berth.
Oh, hell, it was all so complicated, he thought, feeling twenty-two again. If only shed stayed, if only hed tried to convince her to come back instead of letting her go without a fight. Or gone with her. They hadnt needed to live up here, they could have lived in London or Cambridgeanywhere, really, that she chose, but shed chosen to leave him, to take his daughter away, and deny his parents the chance to see their beloved little granddaughter grow up. Shed even done it behind his back, while hed been at sea, and asked his parents to tell him and give him her lettera letter that had told him what hed already known, that she didnt want to stay. She hadnt even had the guts to do it to his face. That, more than anything, had hurt.
He checked the thought and turned to his mother, concentrating on the practicalities. So what time are we aiming to have lunch?
Whenever were ready. Mrs McCrae, how long will lunch take to prepare?
Its all ready, Mrs Mackenzie, you just tell me when you want to eat. The breads fresh out of the oven and I just need a few moments to heat the soup.
Ten minutes, then? Helen said, and Rob wasnt sure if hed imagined it, or if it was desperation that flickered briefly on her face before Maisie masked it.
I think, he cut in smoothly before anyone could argue, that Maisie could probably do with a few minutes to freshen up. Shes been travelling all night. An hour, maybe?
He hadnt imagined it. Her eyes met his with relief, and she gave him a grateful smile.
Thank you. That would be wonderfulif you dont mind, Mrs McCrae? I dont want to put you to any trouble.
Och, of course I dont mind! I made cock-a- leekie for you, hen, she said, beaming at Maisie. I know its your favourite soup, and theres homemade oat bread, and some wonderful Mull Cheddar to follow. You always liked the Mull Cheddar.
Maisies face softened, and she smiled warmly at the elderly housekeeper. Thank you. That sounds lovely. Fancy you remembering I like cock-a-leekie.
Ive never forgotten you, pet. Im making roast beef for you tonight, for Alecs parents coming up. Just to welcome you home.
She bustled off, and for a moment there was silence while the word home seemed to reverberate around the room, but Rob cut it off swiftly.
Ill show you to your room, he said, and opening the door he ushered her out and closed it softly behind them.
Thank you, she said. That was all, but it spoke volumes, and he dredged up a smile.
My pleasure, he told her, wishing that it wasnt a lie, that every interaction between them, no matter how brief or businesslike, didnt seem to be flaying him alive. Ive put you in the room you had before. You always used to sit there in the window and look out at the sea. I thought you might like it.
Maisie felt a chill run over her. Shed wept so many tears in that room, and it was on the tip of her tongue to ask for another, any one, it didnt matter which, just not that room, but then she stopped herself and nodded. She had to get over this silliness. They had a wedding to plan, and she couldnt allow herself to keep harking back to the past.
Thank you, she said, and followed him up the magnificent old stone staircase to the landing above. He fell into step beside her, hanging back as they reached the room, and she wondered if he could hear her heart pounding with dread.
The door was standing open, and she went in and stopped in her tracks.
It was different. Lovely. The colours were soft and tranquil, muted blues and greens, pale cream, a touch of rose here and there to lift it. A great black iron bed was heaped with pillows and cushions and dressed with a pretty tartan throw so soft she wanted to bury her face in it and sigh with delight.
When had it been changed? And why? Not for her, of course. It would be a favourite guest room, with that gorgeous view out over the sea to the islands, and she realised in surprise it now had its own bathroom off it, in the little room that had been Jennis nursery.
Progress, she thought in astonishment.
It looks
Different? he murmured, and she turned and met his eyes.
Yes. Very different from the room shed been installed in after Jenni had been born. That had been cold and forbidding, but this
She ran her hand over the throw, fingering its softness. This is lovely.
Its a pastel version of the Mackenzie tartan, he told her. Jennis idea. Theres one in every roommohair, to keep out the cold.
Its warm in here, though.
Well, it is April. The heating works better now, but the wind still sneaks in in January.
His smile was fleeting, and made her heart ache. Shed loved him so much
And an en suite bathroom. Thats a bit luxurious, she said, turning away as if to study it, just to get away from those piercing eyes.
It was twenty years ago, Maisie, he reminded her gently, as if she needed reminding. Things have changed. All sorts of things.
Him? She said nothing, and after a moment she heard a quiet sigh. Ill see you downstairs. Come and find me when youre doneIll be in my study.
Where is it?
Bottom of the stairs, turn left, follow the corridor round and its at the back, by the gun court. Just yell, Ill find you.
He went out, leaving her alone, and she closed her eyes and thought longingly of the bed. It looked so inviting. So soft and warm and welcoming. And she was shattered.
Later, she told herself. Shower first, then lunch, then talk to Jenniand maybe later, before dinner, shed snatch five minutes.
Anyway, her luggage was on the bed, waiting, and shed have to deal with it before she could lie down.
Shower, she told herself sternly, and unzipping her case she pulled out her wash bag and headed for the bathroom.
She didnt dawdle. Lunch was calling her, and she was more than ready for it by the time shed tamed her hair, pulled on some clean clothes and tracked Rob down in his study overlooking the sea.
He was deep in thought, staring out of the window, feet propped up on his desk and his brow furrowed when she went in. He dropped his feet to the floor and swung round, greeting her with a smile that didnt reach his eyes. Everything all right?
Lovely, thank you. Much better, she said with real gratitude, and he got to his feet and ushered her through to the drawing room where his mother, Jenni and Alec were waiting.
Hed gone into the study deliberately, she realised then, to wait for her so she didnt have to come in here alone and face them all. She could have laughed at that. If only hed realised that he, of all of them, was the biggest stumbling block.
Ill tell Mrs McCrae were all ready, he said, and left her with Jenni, striding down the corridor away from the scent of soap and shampoo and something else he recognised from long ago. Something that dragged him right back to the beginning, to the times when she would come to him smelling like that and hed take her in his arms and hold her close and breath in the scent of her.
He went down to the kitchen, wishing he could escape, go out onto the hills where the fresh air could drive the scent from his nostrils and bring him peace. But he couldnt, because he had things to do, things that only he could do. His daughter was getting married, and he had to hold it together until then. And dragging Maisie into his arms and breathing her in wasnt an option, either.
Were all here now, he said to Mrs McCrae. Can I give you a hand?
Aye, that would be kind, Robert. You can stir this while I put the bread out. And having trapped him so easily, in a trap hed walked into with his eyes wide open, she then started on him in her oh, so unsubtle way.
Shes looking tired.
She is tired. Shes been travelling all night. She looks better now shes had a shower and changed into fresh clothes.
Shed look better still if shed come home and let me feed her up a bit, she said, wielding the bread knife like a weapon. Poor wee thing.
Im sure Maisies perfectly capable of feeding herself, he said firmly, drawing the pot off the heat and closing the lid of the range. And she has a home in Cambridge, he added, reminding himself as much as Mrs McCrae as he glanced at the bare table. He frowned. Where are we eating?
In the dining room, she said, her eyes flashing with indignation. Robbie, shes come back, wherever you say her home might be! She cant be eating in the kitchennot today.
He opened his mouth to argue, shut it again and sighed softly in resignation. Ill carry this, he said, and followed her up the stairs.
Here we are, hen, she said, setting the bread down on the table as Maisie sat down. And mind you eat plenty!
She did. She was still starving, the half-eaten pastry just a memory now, and she had two bowls of the delicious hearty soup, a good chunk of cheese and two slices of the soft, warm oat bread that was Mrs McCraes forte. And while she ate, Jenni took the opportunity to fill her in on the wedding plans to date.
OK. Ive had a few ideas, she said, making Alec splutter into his soup, which earned him a loving swat from his fiance. Youre not here for long, Mum, so I thought we should spend today planning and having a brainstorming session, and then tomorrow were going to Glasgow to look at dresses. Ive made some appointments, and Ive made sure they know that theres only two months, but the places were going all have samples which they can sell us, so we wont have to go through the business of ordering them, which takes ages. Now, theyll probably need altering, so
Rob watched her in wry amusement. Shed been planning this for ages, he knew, and Alecs proposal had been like a breath on a hair trigger. He just hoped that Maisie was ready for it.
CHAPTER THREE
SHES amazing. Is there anything she hasnt thought of? Shes so organisedits like a military operation!
Rob leant back against the ancient stone wall of the gun court, propped his elbows on it and chuckled, to her surprise. Did you really expect anything else?
Maisie shrugged, turning to stare out over the sea below. I dont know. I hadnt really thought about it, but it never occurred to me shed have it all down pat. What if it doesnt work out? What if something cant fit into her carefully orchestrated plan?
Then shell have a little fit and learn the meaning of the word compromise, he said drily.
Maisie shook her head. Shes got all these ideas so firmly fixed. How longs she been planning it?
His broad shoulders lifted in a casual shrug. Months? Years, probably. Come on, ever since she knew the meaning of the word bride shes been looking forward to this day. She just wants to be a princess. Thats why Alec didnt ask her ages ago, he told me. He knew the second he said anything, shed be off like a rat out of a trap, and so he had to wait until the time was right.
Buttwo months? She winced just thinking about it, about all the plans that had to be put into action before the big day, but Rob seemed unperturbed.
She doesnt need more than that, and he realised that if she had longer, shed drive herself and everyone else round the bend. You know what shes like. Single-minded, determined, knows what she wants and gets it. Now, who does that remind you of? he added drily, one brow arched in a mocking salute.
What? He thought she was like that? She nearly laughed out loud, because the one thing the only thingshed ever really wanted was standing right there with her now, and shed failed, lost the only thing shed really, truly needed in her life.
The love of the man she adored, the man who had given her his child and then turned his back on her when shed needed him the most.
I think you overestimate my powers, she murmured wryly.
Well, lets hope not, because this wedding is all down to you now. Ill do what I can, but Im up to my eyes with the estate and the summers a nightmare with all the guests, so I cant tell you how glad I am that youre here to do it all.
ButRob, I have a life, six hundred miles away! I cant just be here and sort it! I have things to do!
Cant you work round them? You can go back for the weddingsheaven knows there cant be that many, and your features you can write from here. You could do one on being a wedding planner.
What, and get tax relief on the wedding as a research tool, I suppose?
Well, its a thought, he said, his lips quirking. It drew her attention to them, to the clean, sculpted line of the top lip, the firm fullness of the lower. Hed kissed her with those lips, trailed them over her skin, driven her crazy with need with just the lightest touch
Dont go there! Keep focused on the wedding.
She stroked her fingers over the barrel of an ancient cannon, testing the rough surface with her fingertips, searching for compromise. I have commitments, Rob. I cant just walk away from my life at a moments notice.
So youll need to commute. Go back for your weddings, if youve got commitments, and be here when you can. Its not for long.
Itll cost a fortune! she said, horrified, but he just shrugged.
So? Shes your daughter. Ill pay your train fares. Talking of which, youll need money for tomorrow. Ill give you a card and my pin number so youve got plenty of cash.
That wont be necessary. Im buying her dress.
Ah. I wasnt thinking of the dress, I was talking about the train fare and incidentals, but um there might be a problem with the dress.
She tilted her head, searching his eyes. A problem? she echoed, a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach.
My mother wants to buy it for her.
She felt herself recoil. No! Im sorry, Rob. You can do everything else your way, but this is for me to do. Shes my daughter. Im buying her wedding dress. Tell your mother to give her something else.
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