Christmas With The Single Dad
Louisa Heaton
A family for Christmas!Veterinary surgeon Sydney Harper has avoided the festive season since she experienced a heart-breaking loss. But this year, the gorgeous new doctor in town tempts her to step out of the darkness and into the Christmas lights!Nathan Joness little girl Anna is everything to him, since his life-changing diagnosis left them alone in the world. Yet spending time with Sydney makes Nathan long to mend both their broken hearts, and to welcome her into his familynot just for Christmas, but for ever!
A family for Christmas!
Veterinary surgeon Sydney Harper has avoided the festive season since she experienced a heartbreaking loss. But this year the gorgeous new doctor in town tempts her to step out of the darkness and into the Christmas lights!
Nathan Joness little girl, Anna, is everything to him, since his life-changing diagnosis left them alone in the world. Yet spending time with Sydney makes Nathan long to mend their broken hearts and to welcome her into his familynot just for Christmas, but forever!
Well...maybe Ill see you later, then?
He nodded. Yes. Goodbye, Sydney.
And then, with some hesitation, Nathan leaned in and kissed the side of her face.
She sucked in a breath. His lips had only brushed her cheek, and had been gone again before she could truly appreciate it, but for the millisecond hed made contact her body had almost imploded. Her heart had threatened to jump out of her chest. Her face must have looked as red as a stop sign.
She watched him turn and walk across the road to his place of work and stood there, breathing heavily, her fingers pressed to her face where his lips had been, and wondered what on earth she was doing.
With this friendship with Dr. Nathan Jones.
Dear Reader (#ulink_4cdcc730-8470-5270-b0b8-c91eee605b2d),
Parenthood is not an easy thing. None of us is really experienced when we go home with that newborn baby in our arms, no matter how many nieces, nephews, cousins or younger siblings we might have cared for. Looking after your own child is completely different, and we can only hope well muddle through and know what were doing.
Sydney Harper, my veterinary surgeon heroine, is a mother without a child, desperately trying to get through the days, and my hero doctor, Nathan Jones, is having to be both mother and father to his daughter whilst fighting the knowledge that he has a medical condition that could possibly make their lives even harder.
Being a parent with a chronic medical condition is hard. I know this from personal experience. But the reserves of strength you draw on, knowing that you have to get through each day for the sake of your children, is as strong as your intense love for them, and youll do anything not to let them down. We see this in Nathan, and its the kind of strength that Sydney needs in her life. She is pulled to Nathan like a moth to a sea of flame.
I hope youll enjoy their story, and that if you have children youll give them an extra-big hug before they go to sleep.
Happy reading!
Louisa xxx
Christmas with the Single Dad
Louisa Heaton
www.millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk)
LOUISA HEATON lives on Hayling Island, Hampshire, with her husband, four children and a small zoo. She has worked in various roles in the health industrymost recently four years as a Community First Responder, answering 999 calls. When not writing, Louisa enjoys other creative pursuits, including reading, quilting and patchworkusually instead of the things she ought to be doing!
For Mrs. Duff, my first English teacher, for telling me I had a wonderful imagination and that I was never to stop writing.
Praise for Louisa Heaton (#ulink_15621983-54b7-54b2-9bff-1fad5e16b130)
An emotional rollercoaster ride... One Life-Changing Night is medical drama at its best.
Goodreads
The Baby That Changed Her Life moved me to tears many times. It is a full-on emotional drama. Louisa Heaton brought this tale shimmering with emotions.
Goodreads
You know that feeling you get after you read an incredibly awesome book...the feeling that you dont know what to read next because the book you just read was so awesome...? Thats exactly how I feel.
Goodreads on The Baby That Changed Her Life
Contents
Cover (#u9cc08b38-6790-5b1b-8814-49ff6bd3afff)
Back Cover Text (#ub774d881-32ba-5192-9d8d-1baa5ff0c44f)
Introduction (#u504fec70-d9aa-5710-8e45-568270b4f830)
Dear Reader (#ulink_87baf5bf-c617-5f76-892d-84cd2f91f58c)
Title Page (#u43f89e76-e217-5cdf-b4a4-d25b6be0653d)
About the Author (#u2c6e70f9-2ce0-5307-9440-779068dae8f6)
Dedication (#ud57d5481-8e7d-5b22-bdec-89aa4511058e)
Praise (#ulink_a576ec0b-4ab6-5c84-a189-58243915ea4a)
CHAPTER ONE (#ulink_bf4ecf20-c83a-572c-b0bc-1a4197dd59c6)
CHAPTER TWO (#ulink_6a87f8dd-b679-5a05-acc8-32b127747827)
CHAPTER THREE (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER FOUR (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER FIVE (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER SIX (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER SEVEN (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER EIGHT (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER NINE (#litres_trial_promo)
Extract (#litres_trial_promo)
Copyright (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER ONE (#ulink_983b2a08-0d5e-5b06-9bd4-34b76f1d78a3)
SYDNEY HARPER CONFIRMED her appointment details on the surgerys check-in touchscreen and headed into the waiting room.
It was full. Much too full. Eleven of the twelve available chairs were filled with faces she recognised. People she saw every day in the village. One or two of her own clients from the veterinary practice she ran. Were they all before her? Would she be sitting in this waiting room all morning to see Dr Preston? She had patients of her own waitingit was a busy time of year. Close to Christmas. No doubt everyone was trying to see their doctor before the festive season.
With a sigh at the thought of the inevitable wait she strode in, looking for the book she always kept in her bag for situations such as this.
At the empty seat she sat down and opened the book, slipping her bookmark into her fingers. She tried to focus on the words upon the page, but her eyes were tired and she kept reading the same sentence over and over again. The words were refusing to go in and make sense.
It was happening again. Every year when it started to get close to that date her body rebelled and she couldnt sleep. The date would be hanging heavy in the near future, along with the dread of having to get through Christmas again, reliving what had happened before, every moment as clear as if it had just occurred. The shock. The fear. The guilt.
The difficulty getting to sleep. Then the difficulty staying asleep. Shed keep waking, staring at the clock, staring at those bright red digits, watching them tick over, minute to minute, hour to hour. Feeling alone. So alone in the dark! With no one to talk to. No one to go to, to reassure herself that everyone was fine.
That first yearthe first anniversary of when it had happenedshed got up and stood in the doorway of Olivias old room, staring at her daughters empty bed. Shed stood there almost all night. Trying to remember what it had looked like when it had been filled with life and laughter and joy.
The second year after it had happened shed got up again and, determined not to stand in the doorway for another night, gawking at nothing, shed decided to make herself useful. Shed cleaned. Scrubbing the oven in the middle of the night until it shone like a new pin was perfect therapy as far as she was concerned. She could get angry with the burnt-on bits. Curse at them. Moan about the ache in her back from all the bending over. But it felt better to be focused on a real physical pain than a mental one.
Last year, when the anniversary of Olivias death had come around, shed decided to visit Dr Preston and hed given her a prescription for some sleeping pills and told her to come and see him if it happened again.
This year, though her oven could no doubt do with another clean, the idea of being up all night againalone againjust wasnt an option. She hated losing all this sleep. And it wasnt just the one night any more. She was losing sleep earlier and earlier, up to a month or more before the anniversary.
So here she was.
All she needed was a quick prescription. She could be in and out in seconds. Get back to her own patientsFletcher the Great Dane, who needed his paw checked after a grass seed had become embedded under his pad, a health check on two new ferrets and the first set of jabs for Saras new kitten. There were others, she knew, but they were her first three and they would be waiting. Even now. Patiently watching the clock in her waiting room.
The screen on the wall in front of her gave a beep and she looked up to see if she was being called in. It wasnt, but the person next to her got up out of her chair and left. Sydney was glad for the space, but it didnt last long, Mrs Courtauld, owner of a retired greyhound, settled into the newly vacant seat.
Hello, Sydney. How nice to see you. How are you doing?
Mrs C! Im fine. How are you?
Oh, you know. The usual aches and pains. Thats why Im here. My knees are giving me a bit of gyp. They have been ever since Prince knocked me over in the park and broke my wrist.
You did get quite a knock, didnt you?
I did! But at my age you expect a bit of wear and tear in the old joints. Im no spring chicken now, you know. I get out and about each day if I can. Its good to keep mobile.
Sydney nodded, smiling. But youre still looking great, Mrs C.
Youre too kind, young Sydney. I do have mirrors in the houseI know how old I look. The skin on my neck is that red and saggy Im amazed a farmer hasnt shot me, thinking Im an escaped turkey.
Sydney laughed. Ridiculous! Id be happy to look like you if I ever make it to pensionable age.
Mrs Courtauld snorted. Of course youll make it to my age! What are you now? Thirty-three? Thirty-four?
Thirty-five.
You see? Loads of years left in you. She thought for a moment, her eyes darkening, and she looked hard at Sydney in concern. Unless, of course, youre here because theres something wrong? Oh, Sydney, youre not dreadfully ill, are you?
Mrs Courtaulds face filled with motherly concern and she laid a liver-spotted wrinkly hand on Sydneys arm.
Just not sleeping very well.
Mrs Courtauld nodded, looking serious. No. Course not. The anniversary is coming up again, isnt it? Little Olivia?
Sydney swallowed hard, touched that Mrs Courtauld had realised the date was near. How many in the village had forgotten? Dont cry.
Yes. It is, she answered, her voice low. She wasnt keen on anyone else in the waiting room listening in.
Mrs Courtauld gripped Sydneys hand and squeezed it. Of course. Understandable. Im the same each year when it comes round to my Alfreds birthday. Ten years since I lost him. She paused as she looked off, as if into the distance. But then she perked up again. I laid some flowers at Alfreds grave the other day and I thought of you. Your little Olivias plot is so close. I hope you dont mind, but I put an amaryllis against her headstone.
Oh.
Sydney wasnt sure how to respond. That was sweet. It was nice to think that Olivia had a bright, beautiful flower to brighten up her plot. Nice for her to be remembered in that way.
She hadnt been to the graveyard for a while. It was just so impossibly bleak and devastating to stand there and look down at the headstone, knowing her daughter was...
She swallowed hard.
Dont even think it.
It hurt too much. Going to the grave just kept proving that she was dead, making Sydney feel helpless and losta feeling she couldnt bear. Shed found that by staying away, by existing in her dreams and her memories, she could still see her daughter alive and well and she never had to stare at that cold, hard, depressing ground any more.
Blinking back the tears, she was about to thank Mrs Courtauld when the computer screen that announced patients names beeped into life and there was her name. Ms Sydney Harper. Dr Joness room.
She got up quickly, then did a double-take, looking at the screen again. Dr Jones?
But shed booked in with Dr Preston. He was her doctor, not this Jones person! And who was it? A locum? A new partner? If it was, and shed been passed on to someone else...
She shoved her book back into her bag, wondering briefly if she ought to go and check with Reception and see what had happened, but the doctor was probably waiting. If she faffed around at Reception she might lose her appointment altogetherand she needed those tablets!
Clearing her throat, she pushed through the door and headed down the corridor. To the left, Dr Prestons room. To the right, Dr Joness.
Sydney hesitated outside the door, her hand gripping the handle, afraid to go in. What if this new doctor wanted to ask questions? She wasnt sure she was ready to tell the story again. Not to a stranger. Dr Preston knew everything. There was no need to explain, no need for her to sit in front of him and embarrass herself by bursting into tears, because he knew. Knew what shed gone through and was still going through. He often saw her in the village and would call out with a cheery wave, ask her how she was doing. She appreciated that.
A newcomer might not understand. A locum might be loath to hand out a prescription as easily.
Please dont ask me any probing questions!
She sucked in a breath and opened the door, not knowing what or who to expect. Was Dr Jones a woman? A man? Young? Old?
She strode in, her jaw set, determined to be as brief as possible so she could get her prescription and get out again but she stopped as her gaze fell upon the extremely handsome man seated behind the doctors desk.
Her breath caught in her throat and somehow paralysed it. He was a complete shock to her system. Totally unexpected. It was like walking into a room expecting to see a normal personsome old guy in a boring shirt and tie...maybe someone bald, with old-fashioned glasses and drab brown trousersbut instead laying eyes upon a movie star in all his airbrushed glory.
The man was dressed in a well-fitting dark suit, with the brightest, bluest eyes shed ever seen. There was a gorgeous smile of greeting upon his face. The type that stopped your heart. That stopped you breathing for a moment.
Oh, my!
Sydney had not noticed a good-looking man since Alastair had left. There was no point. Men were not on her radar. She wasnt looking for another relationship. What was the use? Shed only end up getting blamed for everything.
She was sure those men were out there. Somewhere. Even though Silverdale Village wasnt exactly overrun with hot guys. The type who ought to star in Hollywood movies or get their kits off for a charity calendar. Shed just never noticed. Living too much in her own head.
But this guy? Dr Jones?
Im staring at him! Like a goldfish with my mouth hanging open! Speak, Sydney. Say something. Anything! So he knows hes not dealing with a mute.
She turned away from him to close the door, shutting her eyes to compose herself and take in a steadying breath. Hoping her cheeks had stopped flushing, hoping he hadnt noticed the effect hed had on her.
Hes just a guy.
Just.
A.
Guy.
She blew her breath out slowly before she turned around, telling herself to try and sound haughty and distant, whilst simultaneously feeling her cheeks flame hot enough to sizzle bacon. I...um... I dont mean to be rude, but I made an appointment to see Dr Preston...?
* * *
An angel had walked into his consulting room.
An angel with long, luscious waves of chocolate-coloured hair and sad grey eyes. Big, sad eyes, tinged with red, in the fresh face of an English rose.
Startled, he dropped his pen, fumbling for it when it fell from his fingers and smiling in apology. What the hell had just happened? Why was he reacting like this? She was just a patient!
Hed not expected to feel suddenly...nervous. As if hed never treated a patient before. Tongue-tied. Blindsided by his physical response to this woman. He could feel his normal greetingMorning, take a seat, how can I help?stifled in his throat and he had to turn to his computer, glancing at the screen briefly to gather his thoughts before he could speak.
Sydney Harper.
Beautiful. Enchanting.
A patient!
Reel your thoughts back in and show that you know what youre doing.
He cleared his throat. Er...yes, you did... But he...er...got overbooked. He paused briefly, noticing the way she hovered uncertainly at the door. The way her long cardigan covered her almost to mid-thigh, the shapeless garment hiding any figure she might have. The way her heavy tartan skirt covered her legs down to her boots. The way her fingers twisted around each other.
Curious... Why is she so frightened? Why do I get the feeling that she tries her best not to be noticed?
He could see her gaze darting about the room, as if she were looking for means of escape, and suddenly curiosity about this woman overrode any previous nervousness.
Is that okay?
Id prefer to see Dr Preston. He knows me. Im his patient.
Nathan glanced back at the computer, so that he wouldnt stare at her and make her feel even more uncomfortable. Did Dr Preston really know her? The last time shed been into the surgery had beenhe checked the screena year ago. A lot could change in a year.
He should know.
Forget that. Concentrate on your work.
He was itching to know what ailed her. What he could help her with. How to keep her in the room and not have her bolt like a skittish horse.
Purely on a professional basis, of course. Im not interested in her in that way.
What had brought her to the surgery today? She looked anxious. A bit stressed. Not entirely comfortable with this change.
He gave her his best friendly smile. Why dont you take a seat? You never know, I might be able to help. Doctors do that. He tried to reassure her, but she approached the chair opposite him as if she were a gazelle trying to sidle past a ravenous lion.
He waited for her to sit and then he looked her over. A little pale, though her cheeks were flushed. Her pulse was probably elevated. Her blood pressure rising. What had made her so anxious? He was intrigued. But hed learnt a valuable trick as a doctor. Silence was a wonderful tool. People would feel compelled to fill it. Theyd start talking. Eventually.
So he waited, noting how white her knuckles were as they clutched the bag upon her lap.
And he waited.
She was looking at anything but him. Checking out the room as if it were new to her before she finally allowed herself to glance at his face. Her cheeks reddened in the most delightful way, and she was biting her bottom lip as she finally made eye contact.
I need some sleeping pills. Dr Preston told me to come again if I needed a repeat.
Ah. There we go!
Youre not sleeping well?
Her cheeks reddened some more, and again she averted her eyes. Not really. Look, Im needed back at work, so if you could just write me a prescription? I dont want to keep my clients waiting.
Nathan Jones sat back in his swivel chair and appraised her. He was curious as to why she needed them. Sleeping pills are really a last resort. Ill need a few details from you first of all.
The flash of alarm in her eyes was startling to observe. And if she twisted the strap of her handbag any more it would soon snap.
Sydney shook her head. I dont have long.
Neither do I. So lets crack on, shall we? Eight minutes per patient can go by in the blink of an eye. He was trying to keep it loose. Casual. Non-threatening. This woman was as taut as a whip.
She let out an impatient breath. What do you need to know?
Tell me about your sleep routine.
Does your husband snore? Does he toss and turn all night, keeping you awake? Wait... What the...?
Why was he worrying about whether she had a husband or not? He wasnt looking to go out with this woman. She was a patient! At least for now. He had no doubt that the second she bolted from his consulting room she would make sure she never had to see him again!
What about it?
Is it regular?
I work long days at the veterinary surgery across the road from here. Im the only vet there, so Im on call most nights, and since the new homes got built Ive been busier than ever.
So you get called out a lot?
I do.
He nodded and scribbled a note. And are you finding it difficult to drop off to sleep?
Yes.
Worried about your beeper going off? Or is it something else?
She looked at him directly now. Look, Dr Preston has given me the pills before. Im sure he wont mind if you give me some more.
She didnt like him prying. He glanced at her records, his eyes scanning the previous note. Yes, she was correct. Shed been given sleeping pills by Dr Preston this time last year...
...due to the sudden death of the patients daughter three years ago, patient requested tranquillisers...
He felt a lump of cold dread settle in his stomach as he read the notes fully.
Shed lost her child. Sydney Harper had lost her daughter and she couldnt sleep when the anniversary of her death got close. It happened every year. Oh, heavens.
He closed his eyes and gritted his teeth, mentally apologising.
I...er...yes. I can see that in your notes.
How terrible. The most awful thing that could ever happen to a parent. And it had happened to her and he was trying to poke around in her despair when it was clear in her notes why she needed the pills. But would he be being a good doctor just to give them to her? Or would he be a better doctor if he tried to stop her needing them? They could be addictive...
Im sure he wont mind if you give me some more tablets.
Nathan had a daughter. Anna. She was six years old and she was all he had in this world. He couldnt imagine losing her. She was everything to him right now. What this poor woman had been through...! No wonder she looked the way she did.
I can write you a prescription, but... He paused. Have you ever been offered counselling?
She looked directly at him, her demeanour suggesting she was about to explain something to a child. I was. And I did go to start with. But it didnt help me so I stopped going.
Perhaps you werent ready for it then. Would you be interested in trying it again now? It might help you with this sleeping issue. I could arrange it for you.
The computer whirred out the prescription and he grabbed it from the printer and passed it over to her.
Counselling is not for me. I dont...talk...about what happened.
Maybe thats the problem? The words were out before he could censor them. He bit his lip with annoyance. Too late to take the words back. He needed to cover their crassness. And quickly. Have you tried a different night-time routine? Warm milk? A bath? That kind of thing?
But shed stood up, was staring down at him, barely controlling the anger he could see brewing behind her eyes. Are you a father, Dr Jones?
He nodded solemnly, picturing his daughters happy, smiling face. I am.
Have you ever experienced the loss of a child?
He could see where she was going with this, and felt horrible inside. He looked away. No. Thankfully.
Then dont tell me that warm milk she almost spat the words will make me better. She spun on her heel and when she got to the door, her hand on the handle, she paused, her head low, then glanced over her shoulder, her teeth gritted. Thank you for my prescription.
Then she left.
He felt as if a hurricane had blown through the room.
He felt winded. Stunned. He had to get up and pace, sucking in a lungful of air, running both hands through his hair before he stood and stared out of the window at the sparrows and starlings trying to take food from the frozen feeders hanging outside. The smaller birds were carefully picking at the peanuts, whereas the starlings were tossing white breadcrumbs everywhere, making a mess.
No, he had not experienced the same pain that Sydney had gone through. He would never want to. But he did know what it felt like to realise that your life had changed for evermore.
People dealt with tragedies in different ways. Some found comfort in food. Some in drink or drugs. Some kept it all inside. Others found it easy to talk out their feelings and frustrations. A few would blindly choose to ignore it and pretend it had never happened.
He felt deflated now that shed left his room. Sydney Harper was intenseyesand hurtingdefinitelybut there was something about her. He couldnt quite put a finger on it.
It bothered him all day. Through seeing all his patients. The chest infection, the sprained ankle, a case of chicken pox, talking someone through using his asthma medication. His thoughts kept returning to his first patient at his new job.
Sydney Harper.
Beautiful. Elegant.
Fragile.
And then it came to him. The reason why he couldnt forget her. The reason he kept going over and over their interaction that morning.
Im attracted to her.
The thought stopped him in his tracks. No. He couldntwouldntbe. He had nothing to offer her. Besides, he had a child to take care of. Clearly!
No. That way danger lay.
He doubted he would ever see her again. Not as his patient. She had clearly wanted to see Dr Preston, and the way shed stormed from the room had left him feeling a little bit stunned. Hed never had a patient walk out on him like that.
A fiance, yes.
The mother of his child, yes.
But never a patient.
* * *
Sydney strode from the room feeling mightily irritated with Dr Jones, but not knowing why. Because she had the prescription she needed. Shed obtained what shed wanted when shed made the appointment. But now that she was out from under Dr Joness interested, unsettling gaze she felt restless and antsy. Almost angry. As if she needed to go running for a few miles to get all of that uncomfortable adrenaline out of her system. As if she needed to burn off some of the inner turmoil she was feeling. As if she needed to let out a giant enraged scream.
Averting her gaze from the people in the waiting room, she went straight back to Reception and leant over the counter towards Beattie the recetptionistthe owner of a moggy called Snuggles.
Beattie, Ive just been seen by Dr Jones. Could you make a note on my records that when I make an appointment to see Dr Prestonmy actual doctorthat I should, indeed, see Dr Preston?
Beattie looked up at her in surprise. You didnt like Dr Jones?
Her jaw almost hit the floor.
Like him? Liking him has nothing to do with it. Dr Preston is my GP and that is who I want to see when I phone to make an appointment!
Beattie gave an apologetic smile. Sorry, Syd. Dr Jones offered to see you as Dr Preston was overrun and he knew you were in a rush to get back to work.
Oh. Right. She hadnt thought of that. Well, that was very kind of him, but...
It had been very kind of him, hadnt it? And what was she doing out here complaining? Even though shed got what she needed.
Deflating slightly, she relaxed her tensed shoulders. Next time just book me in with Richard.
Will do. Anything else I can help you with?
Not really. Though a niggling thought had entered her head... This Dr Jones that I saw today... Just a locum, is he? Just here for the day?
She tried to make it sound casual. But it would be nice to know that she wouldnt be bumping into him in the village unless she had to. Not after shed stormed out like that. That wasnt her normal behaviour. But something about the man had irritated her, and then hed made that crass suggestion about warm milk...
No, no. Hes permanent. Beatties face filled with a huge grin. He moved to the village a week ago with his daughter. Into one of the homes on the new estate.
Oh. Right. Thank you.
Permanent. Dr Jones would be living here. In Silverdale.
Please dont tell me hes got an aging pet dog or anything?
I dont think so. But youll run into him at the committee meetings for the Christmas market and the village nativity.
What? Shed only just decided to return to those meetings. Had been looking forward to them!
Why?
Beattie looked at her oddly. Dr Preston is cutting down on his commitments now that hes nearly retired. Hes asked Nathan to take over. You didnt like him? We all think hes gorgeous! Have you seen him smile? I tell you, that mans a heartbreaker!
A heartbreaker? Not if she had anything to do with it.
Sydney grimaced, but thanked Beattie once again and left the surgery, pausing to wait for traffic to rush by so she could cross the road over to her own practice.
The new doctor was going to be on the Christmas committee. And shed just agreed to go back. To help. Shed told them she would be there. Her heart sank at the thought of it as she neared her place of work.
Silverdale Veterinary Surgery was a relatively small building, comprised of two old cottages that had been knocked through inside and transformed from homes into a business.
Sydney loved it. It was clinical and businesslike, but still retained its old-world charm with white walls and large exposed oak beams and, outside, a thatched roof. There were even window boxes, which shed learnt to tend. They overflowed with primulas and pansies in the spring, but right now were hung with dark green ivy and indigo lobelia. And no fairy lights. Even if everyone else seemed to think it was okay to start decorating for Christmas in November!
Shed never been a green-fingered person. Not before shed got married. But when Olivia came along the little girl had loved being in the garden and growing pretty things. Although Sydney had managed to kill the first few plants theyd got, theyd eventually learned together and their flowers had begun to thrive. Thered been nothing shed liked better than to watch Olivia use her pink tin watering can to water them each evening, when it was cool. And Syds talent with flowers had not gone unnoticed around the village either. Shed often been in charge of the flower stalls at the Christmas market each year.
When shed been involved, anyway.
She pushed through the door and saw that her waiting room was pleasingly busy. There was Mr Shepherd, as expected, with his Great Dane, Sara with her new kitten, and no doubt in the box by Janets feet were her two ferrets, Apollo and Zeus.
Morning, everyone! Sorry to keep you waiting.
Her anxiety was gone here. This was her home turf. Her safe haven. The place that she controlled. Was in charge of. Where there were no surprises. Well, nothing life-changing, anyway. Not to her. Here she could cure illnesses. Make things better. As much as she could.
Her clients waved and smiled and said good morning, too. They werent too bothered about waiting for her. And she appreciated them for that.
In the staff room, she put on her green veterinary top and prepared to start work.
This was better.
This she could do.
This she was in control of.
* * *
Nathan stood in the playground, surrounded mostly by mothers waiting for their children to come out of infant school. As always, he felt like a complete fish out of water here. All the mothers stood in little groups, chatting and laughing. They all knew each other. And him...? He was the lone male, feeling awkward. Sure that he was standing out like a sore thumb.
He could feel their eyes on him. Judging him. Assessing him. Were they talking about him? Could they see his awkward gait? His limp? Could they see what was wrong with him? It feels like they can. He almost felt as if he was carrying a huge sign naming his condition around his neck.
Silverdale Infants had seemed the perfect place for Anna when hed first come to the village for his job interview. Hed scouted the place out and asked the headteacher to give him a tour. Hed walked through the school with her, looking in the classrooms, seeing the happy children and their paintings, listening to them singing in assembly and watching as theyd sat for storytime in their impossibly small chairs. Hed genuinely felt his daughter would be happy there. It had a good vibe. The head was a nice woman and Miss Howarth, Annas teacher-to-be, seemed really lovely and welcoming.
Nathan had just had his first day in his new job and this had been Annas first day at her new school. He could only hope that it had gone as well as his own day, and that she would come running out with a big smile on her face. Then, perhaps, the lump of anxiety in his stomach would disappear and theyd be able to go home and hed cook dinner.
Nathan hated being away from Anna. Giving her into the care of someone else. But he had to work and she had to learnand werent schools considered in loco parentis?
He was grateful for the flexible hours his new job afforded him. Since Gwyneth had left them hed had to become both father and mother to Anna. And he didnt think he was doing too badly. Anna seemed happy enough, only occasionally asking why she didnt have a mummy, like other children. Those days were hard. When he could see the hurt in his daughters eyes. And when it happened he would curse Gwyneth inwardly, whilst outwardly he would throw everything he had at making his daughter happy.
He just couldnt give her the mother that she wanted. He wasnt ready to be with someone new. To open himself up to possible hurt and betrayal. To being left again. And why put Anna through the hope of getting to know someone when they might walk away and break her heart, too?
He didnt bad-mouth Gwyneth to Anna. It wasnt up to him to tell Anna how to feel about her mother. Anna might want to find her one day and see her. Talk to her. Ask her things. Did he want Anna to grow up resentful and hating her mother? No. Even if it was hard for him. Because Gwyneth had abandoned them both. And that hurt. Not so much now, but it still caused pain whenever he thought about his and Annas future.
He sighed as he thought about his mistake in getting involved with Gwyneth. Shed been so much fun to begin with, butas was sometimes the way with relationshipstheyd both realised something was missing. And then theyd discovered she was pregnant...
Life was short. And he would not have Anna spending hers moping about for a mother who had no interest in her whatsoever. He was only sorry that he hadnt noticed Gwyneths shallowness earlier on. Before hed got in too deep.
The school bell rang and he braced himself. Now hed know. Had it gone well?
Crossing his fingers in his jacket pockets, trying not to shiver in the late November cold, he looked for her familiar face amongst the mass of children pouring out through the door, all of them almost identical in their little green jumpers and grey skirts or trousers.
Then he saw her and his heart lifted.
Daddy!
She was smiling. Beaming at him as she ran to his open arms, clutching a painting that was still slightly wet. Nathan scooped her up, hefting her onto his hip, trying not to grimace at the pain in his shoulder.
What do we have here? He glanced at the painting. There were daubs of brown and green that he guessed was a tree, and to one side was a large black blob with ears. Is that Lottie?
Anna nodded, grinning, showing the gap where her two front teeth were missing. Yes!
Lottie was their pet rabbit and his one concession to Annas demands to fill their house with pets of all shapes and sizes. Anna adored animals, and ever since shed started at nursery had plagued him with requests for cats or dogs or parrots or anything that had fur, feathers or a cute face.
Knowing that they would both be out all dayhim at work, she at schoolhed not thought a dog or a cat was appropriate, but hed given in and allowed her a rabbit. It had the added bonus of living outdoors and its presence had stopped Anna from rescuing injured insects and bringing them in to be nursed.
It looks just like her. He squinted as he saw a small daub of bright orange. Is that a carrot?
No, Daddy. Silly! Thats a worm.
Oh, right. He gently placed his daughter back on the ground, being careful not to grimace or wrench himself further. So how did it go? Was it good? Did you make friends?
She nodded. Lots and lots.
She proceeded to list them as they walked back to the car. There seemed an awful lot, and to his ears it sounded as if shed just memorised the register, but he nodded and smiled at her as she told him about Hattie with the bright pink glasses, and George who had held her hand as theyd walked to assembly.
They were soon home. Nathan still had half their life packed away in boxes after the move, but he knew theyd get there eventually. All the important stuff was unpacked. And Annas room had everything. Hed done that first. Everything else could wait for when he had the time. He just had to decide where he wanted it all to go.
The house was brand-new, so had none of that old-world character the rest of the cottages in the village had. He had tiles on his roof, not thatch. A modern fake fireplace rather than an old rustic one with real flames. Flat, smooth walls rather than whitewashed ones with crooked oak beams.
Still, the place would get its character eventually.
Im going to see if Lottie missed me. Anna ran through the house towards the back door, so she could go into the garden.
Not yet, young lady, he called after her. Go upstairs and get out of your uniform first.
Daddy, please!
It was raining this morning, Anna. Im not having you getting your uniform covered in mud and straw. Please go and get changed.
She pouted, but only briefly, and then she ran back past him, clambering up the stairs as he took their bags through to the kitchen, pinned her painting to the fridge with a magnet that was shaped like a banana. Hed picked up some vegetables from a farm shop, so he popped those in the fridge, then switched on the kettle for a drink.
Upstairs, he heard a small thunk as Anna kicked off her shoes and soon enough she was trotting back down the stairs, wearing a weird combination of purple corduroy skirt, green tee shirt and a rather loud orange and yellow cardigan.
Nice... Im liking your style. He was keen to encourage her to wear what she wanted and to pick her own clothes. Hed learned that it was importantit helped Anna to develop her independence and allowed her to express herself. And he needed Anna to be a strong character. He wanted to encourage her at all times to feel happy about herself and her own decisions. To feel valued and beautiful. Because she was beautiful. With her mothers good looks but thankfully none of her character.
Will you do me a juice, Daddy?
Sure thing, poppet. He watched her twist the back door key and trot out into the garden. It wasnt huge out there, and as theirs was one of the original show houses it was just plain grass, with one side border of bushes. Nothing too impressive. Nothing that needed that much work. Something he figured hed get to later. Maybe in the New Year.
But it had the rabbit hutch. The main reason for Anna to go and play outside. He was hoping to get her a trampoline, or a bike, or something. Maybe for Christmas.
He was just diluting orange juice with some water when he heard his daughter let out a blood-curdling scream.
Daddy!
Anna? His body froze, his heart stopped beating just for a millisecond, and then he was dropping the glass into the sink and bolting for the back door. What on earth had happened? Why had she screamed? Was she hurt?
Oh, please dont let her be hurt!
Daddy!
She ran into his arms, crying, and he held her, puzzled. What was it? Had she fallen over? What?
Let me look at you. He held her out at arms length to check her over, but she looked fine. No scuffed knees, no grazes, no cuts. Just a face flooded with tears. What the...?
Lotties bleeding! She pointed at the hutch before burying her face in his shirt.
He looked over the top of her head and could now see that the hutch had a broken latch and poor Lottie the rabbit sat hunched within, breathing heavily and audibly, with blood all over her and in the straw around her, as if shed been involved in some sort of weird rabbit horror movie.
Oh... He stood up and led Anna away and back into the kitchen, sitting her down on one of the chairs by the table. Stay here.
Shes bleeding, Daddy.
I know, honey. Well need to take her to the vet.
He didnt know if the poor thing might have to be put to sleep. There was a lot of blood, and Lottie looked like she might be in shock. He dashed for the cupboard under the stairs, where theyd put Lotties carrier and got it out. Then he grabbed some latex gloves from under the sink and headed for the garden.
Ill get Lottie. Can you get your shoes on for me? And your coat?
Where are we going?
The vet. The animal doctor. Shell need to check her over.
What if she dies, Daddy? Anna sobbed, almost hiccupping her words.
He hadnt imagined this. Hed agreed to have Lottie knowing that rabbits lived for around ten years, hoping that they wouldnt have to face this day until Anna was in her teens. But not this early. Not now. He wasnt sure how shed handle a pets death at this age.
Lets cross that bridge when we come to it. Get your shoes on. We need to get her there quickly.
Nathan headed into the garden, slipped on the gloves and picked up the poor, shocked rabbit and placed her in the box. Normally she fought going in the carrier. But there was no fight today. His heart sank at the thought of having to tell his daughter her rabbit might die. Had Anna not been through enough?
He pulled off the bloodied gloves and quickly discarded them in the bin.
He could only hope that the veterinary surgery was still open.
CHAPTER TWO (#ulink_4540b9db-73f9-56f0-830d-fbf50c40d4e0)
IT HAD BEEN a long, tiring day. After her doctors appointment Sydney had come back to the surgery and seen her first ten patients, and then shed got round to her surgeriesa dental clean, two spays on cats, a dog to be neutered. Lunch had been quick, and then there had been more appointments: kitten visits, puppy checks, suture removals, an elderly dog that had had to be euthanised. Then shed returned phone calls, given owners blood test results and now she was finishing off her paperwork. Filling in records. There were three animals being kept in overnight, but Lucy, her veterinary nurse, was giving them their final check before they left for the evening.
Ill be ready to put my feet up tonight. Have you seen my ankles? said Lucy.
Sydney smiled sympathetically. Lucy did seem to be suffering lately.
Almost all the lights were off, except for in her office and at the surgery entrance, and Sydney was just debating whether to have a cup of tea here or go home and have it there when she heard a loud banging on the surgerys front door.
A last-minute emergency?
She hurried through, switching on the lights as she went, and stopped when she saw who was on the other side of the door.
Dr Jones.
Oh.
Her pause was barely noticeable. At least she hoped so. Then she was rushing to the door, her cheeks flaming at having to let in the dishy doc. Though, judging by the look of worry on his face, he wasnt here to continue his conversation about warm milk.
She opened the door and Dr Jones came in, carrying a pet carrier. Behind him, a little uncertainly, followed a little girl with chestnut-brown hair in two ponytails held by pink bobbles, her face tearstained, pale and stunned. Seeing the little girl, so like Oliviano, so like her fatherstartled her and her stomach twisted painfully. As if shed been punched in the gut.
She dragged her gaze away from the little girl and looked over at the doctor. Dr Jones? Can I help?
Am I stammering? I feel like Im stammering.
My daughters rabbit. I think its been attacked.
He lifted up the carrier, so she could see through the barred door, but it was impossible to gauge the extent of the animals injuries.
Sydney glanced quickly at the little girl. She looked around Olivias age. Maybe a bit older. She wasnt sure. But she was young, and she didnt need to see Sydney examining the rabbit if it was in a bad way. There were a lot of foxes out here in Silverdale Village. It was a very rural area, surrounded by farms and woodlands. Occasionally they even saw deer. The likelihood that there were animal predators around was very high.
All business now, she took the carrier from the doctor. Maybe your daughter should sit in the waiting room whilst I take a look?
The little girl slipped her tiny hand into her fathers. Dont leave me, Daddy.
Dr Jones looked torn, but then he nodded. Ill sit with you. He looked up at Sydney. Is that okay? If I sit out here with Anna?
Anna. A lovely name.
Of course. Ill just take a quick look.
She hurried the rabbit through to the surgery, closing the door behind her and leaning back against it for a moment whilst she gathered herself.
Thats Anna. Anna! Not Olivia.
The table where she usually examined pets had already been cleaned down, so she laid the carrier upon it and opened it up.
Inside was a very scared, very shocked black rabbit. From what she could see at this stage it had injuries to the top of its head, its left eye looked damaged, and there were other fine puncture marks across its back and legs. Sydney held it gently whilst she checked it over. The ears looked okay, as did its throat, and it seemed to be breathing fine, if a little loudly. She listened to its chest through her stethoscope and tried to get a better look at the eye, but she couldnt tell if it was ruptured or not.
Poor thing.
She suspected it might die of shock. She felt for its pulse. It was slow and faint, but that was typical for an animal like this in such a situation. Its gums were pale, too and its ears cool.
There wasnt much she could do at this point. Technically, she couldnt see any fatal injuries. The shock itself might be the killer here. All she could do at the moment was give the rabbit a painkilling injection and some antibiotics. But shed need to check with Dr Jones first, in case they requested euthanasia.
Sydney put the rabbit back into the carrier and secured it, then headed to the waiting room, her own heart thumping rapidly at the thought of returning to speak to him.
Dr Jones?
He looked up when she called his name and then patted his daughters hand and told her to stay in her seat before he came over to her and whispered in a low voice, How is she?
Sydney also kept her voice low, not wanting to upset Anna. Shes in a great deal of shock. Can you tell me what happened?
He shrugged. Were not sure. Id been at work all day and then went to pick Anna up from school. She found Lottie like that when we got back.
She nodded. She has sustained a great deal of damage to her left eye, but its hard to see at the moment whether the eyeball itself has been ruptured. If it has, we might have to remove it, but at this stage I think we need to see if shell survive the night.
Dr Jones let out a heavy sigh and glanced at his daughter. Do you think Lottie might die?
Its fifty-fifty. I can give her a painkiller and some antibiotics if you wish. The bite marks are quite small and thin, possibly caused by a cat or a fox. Their mouths are filled with bacteria, so the chance of infection is high. There arent any fatal injuries, but shock can kill an animal like this. Its up to you what measures youd like me to take.
She left the implication hanging. Did he want to see if the rabbit survived? Or did he want her to put the rabbit to sleep?
Dr Jones thought for a moment. Lottie is Annas world. She loves animals. If there arent any fatal injuries I think I owe it to her to see if Lottie makes it through the night. She wont be in any pain?
Therell be some discomfort, but the painkillers should help her an awful lot. Ill give her the injections, but if you can take her home, keep her somewhere warm and safe where she wont be disturbed. Do you have an indoor cage?
He shook his head. I dont.
A bathroom, then. Its the safest placesomewhere there arent any cables or wires to chew.
Will she want to eat?
You must get her to try. When a rabbit goes into shock it sometimes stops eating, and it will just lead to further complications if her digestive system shuts down. Offer her all her favourites and try to get her to drink, too. Ill need to see her first thing in the morning. Can you bring her in then?
Before surgery, yes. About eight?
She nodded. Ill be here.
Sydney slipped back inside her room and administered the injections. She really hoped on their behalf that Lottie would survive, but the poor thing had been through a terrible ordeal.
Back in the waiting room, she handed the carrier to Dr Jones and then, hesitantly, after thinking twice about doing so, she knelt in front of Anna. She tried not to notice the way the little girls eyes looked into hers with so much hope. The way tears had welled in her eyes.
Stay nice and quiet for her. No loud noises. Lottie needs to rest. Can you help her do that?
Anna nodded. Yes.
Good. She stood up again, frighteningly taken in by the little girls big blue eyes. So similar to Olivias it was unsettling. How was it possible that this little girl should remind her so strongly of her own?
Backing away, she held open the door for them, eager for them to go. So she could breathe again.
What do I owe you? Dr Jones glanced over at the till.
Well sort it in the morning. Dont worry. And good luck.
She watched them go and backed away from the door. They were a nice family, little Anna and her father. Was there a wife at home, waiting for news? It hadnt sounded like it. Hed been at work, hed picked his daughter up from school. No mention of anyone else.
It doesnt matter. Youre not interested in him anyway. Dr Jones is off limits!
So why was she thinking about him? Just because he was handsome? No. She wasnt that shallow. It must be because of the way shed walked out on him that morning after her consultation. Shed been rude and had not apologised for it, either. Shed been defensive. Abrupt. Even though he had suggested the most ridiculous thing. And now shed helped with their rabbit; that was all. Theyd all had a shock and she knew how that felt. She wanted it to be easier for them.
Poor rabbit.
She hoped it was still alive in the morning.
* * *
Nathan had a sleepless night. It wasnt just because of the rabbit. Though he was worrying about getting up in the morning and finding her dead on the floor of the bathroom. If that happened then he wanted to deal with everything before Anna saw any of it. She shouldnt have to see that.
But, no. It was his own body that had kept him from sleeping.
Yesterday hed tried to give advice on getting a good nights sleep to Sydney and he felt a bit hypocritical. Yes, there were tried and tested methodsrelaxation, a milky drink, a warm bath, checking you had a comfortable bedbut they didnt work for him, either.
The spasticity he suffered from his multiple sclerosis kept him awake at night.
It wasnt as bad as it was for some people, and he knew he was lucky that no one just looking at him could guess his condition. He liked it that way. Fought to keep it so. But that didnt stop the damned stiffness that never seemed to go away. Sometimes he would lie there, trying to relax, and he would feel his muscles tightening so hard it almost felt like a vice. Then he would have to rub at his arm or his leg and hope that it would go away. It never did. And he knew it wouldnt. But that didnt stop him from trying.
So hed spent the night alternately staring at the ceiling and getting up to check that the rabbit was still breathing.
At five a.m. he crawled out of bed, ready for a cup of tea, and checked on Lottie once more.
Shes still alive. Thank goodness!
He gave her some dandelion leaves from the back garden and happily watched as she chewed them down, Her appetite was still good. Then he tried to pipette some water into her mouthwhich she didnt likeso he decided to leave her a small bowl to drink from instead.
Anna was thrilled when she woke to find Lottie moving about in the bathroom. The rabbits left eye still looked pretty mangled, though, and Anna was keen for the time to pass so she could go to the vet with her dad before school.
You wont be at the vet, Anna. Im dropping you at breakfast club, as normal.
But, Daddy, I want to go! Please?
No, Anna. Im sorry.
It was important that she kept to her routine. He hated changing things in Annas life. And, though the incident with Lottie was out of the ordinary, it didnt mean that Annas life had to be disturbed. It had changed enough already. Her mother had walked out on them both, not to mention that he had his diagnosis to deal with. Life for Anna would change dramatically at some point, if his condition worsened. Best to keep things as normal as he could, for however long he could. He would not have her upset unnecessarily.
Anna pouted for a bit, but got in the car happily and whispered good things to Lottie through the carrier door as he drove. Youll be okay, Lottie. The vet will take good care of you.
With his daughter at breakfast club, Nathan drove to work, parked, and then walked across the road to the veterinary surgery with Lottie in her carrier once more. He was kind of proud of his daughters little rabbit. Getting through a severe trauma and surviving. It was like finding a kindred spirit, and after getting up all night to check on her he felt he was bonding with her. And though last night hed almost expected to have to tell Sydney to put Lottie to sleep, the fact that shed lived... Well, he was kind of rooting for her now.
He was looking forward to seeing Sydneys reaction. She was an intriguing woman, and he was keen for her to see that the rabbit was still alive and find out her plan of action. But picturing the look of surprise on her face, or even trying to imagine what her smile might be like, was doing surprising and disturbing things to his insides. Things he didnt want to examine too closely for fear of what they might mean.
The bell above the door rang as he walked through, clutching the carrier, and he headed over to the reception desk, where a veterinary nurse sat.
Lottie Jones to see Sydney, please.
Ah, yes. Please take a seatyoull be called through in a moment.
He sat and waited, his nerves strangely on edge. For the rabbit? For himself? For seeing Sydney again? Last night when hed lain awake hed thought about her a great deal. She was very beautiful, and totally out of his league, but...she intrigued him. For all that shed been throughthe loss of her daughtershe seemed surprisingly together. A little terse, maybe, but professional and she clearly cared for her animal charges.
What made her tick? What kept her going? Her bravery in the face of immense tragedy was a very positive force, and he liked to surround himself with positive people. He needed that; he tried to stay positive himself. Perhaps just by knowing her a little bit better he might learn her secret? If she ever forgave him for what hed said. She was a strong woman. Determined. He could see that. The complete antithesis of Gwyneth.
He shook his head as he thought of his thoughtless advice to her. Warm milk?
So busy was he, feeling embarrassed for what hed said, that he wasnt ready when she opened her surgery door and called his name. Dr Jones?
He looked up, startled. Today, her long brown hair was taken up into a messy ponytail. There were little wavy bits hanging free around her face, and even without make-up she looked amazing. He quickly cursed himself for noticing.
He got up, loudly cleared his throat and took the carrier through to her consulting room, determined to be distant and professional.
Shes still with us. Lottie survived the night.
He placed the carrier onto her examination table and stood quite far back, as if the physical distance would somehow stop him stealing glances at her.
Her eyebrows rose in surprise. Okay. Lets have a look at her.
He watched as Sydneys very fine hands opened the carrier and she gave Lottie a thorough assessment, listening to her chest and abdomen with her stethoscope, taking the rabbits temperature, checking the bites and scratches and finally examining the wounded eye.
He tried not to take notice of the small beauty mark on Sydneys bared neck, her delicate cheekbones, or the way she bit her bottom lip as she concentrated. She had a very fine mouth. With full, soft-looking lips.
Dragging his eyes away from her mouth, he stared hard at Lottie. Focus on the rabbit!
Its impossible for me to see if the eyeball itself has ruptured. The damage is too extensive. But until the swelling goes down I dont think we should assume that it has. Im going to prescribe antibiotic drops for her eye, more painkillers, and a drug to keep her digestive system working which is an oral medicine. Rabbits dont like receiving oral meds, so if you can put the medicine in a food that you know she will eat you can get it into her that way.
He nodded, keeping his gaze fixed firmly on Lotties thick black fur so that he didnt accidentally start staring into Sydneys soft grey eyes. Okay. How often does she need the meds?
The eye drops three times a day, the oral meds four times a day. Will you be able to do that?
He thought about his work schedule. It would be tough. But manageable. Perhaps if he kept Lottie in her carrier at work? In an unused room?
Ill find a way.
Ill need to see her in about four days time. The swelling should have gone down by then, well know if the antibiotics have worked, and Ill be able to see if the eye needs to be removed.
He risked a glance at her wide almond-shaped eyes. Shed cope with that?
Not all rabbits do well with surgery, and if we do have to remove the eye then she could be susceptible to further infection. Keep it clean. Bathe it with cooled boiled water when you canthree or four times a day.
Like a proper patient. He smiled and closed the door on the carrier once again. Thank you, Sydney, for seeing us last night. I appreciate that you were probably closed and your staff were ready to go home.
She glanced away, her cheeks glowing slightly, before she began typing notes into her computer. It was no problem.
He watched her where she stood by the computer. It was better with her further away and not looking at him. He could think more clearly. And he wanted to make things right between them. He hated it that shed left his consulting room feeling stressed and angry. Hated it that hed insulted her daughters memory with a crass piece of advice.
Id like to thank you properly, if I may? We got off to a bad start the other day and... Well, we both live in this village. Itd be nice to know Ive not upset the first person I got to properly meet. Would you join me for a coffee some time? Id really appreciate the chance to apologise.
What on earth are you doing?
The invitation had just come out. He cursed himself silently, knowing she would refuse him, but, hell, he kind of wanted her to say yes. He couldnt just see her about rabbits and sleeping tablets. Part of him wanted to know more about her. About that strong side of her that kept her going in the cruel world that had taken her daughter. That inner strength of hers...
But he also got the feeling that if they were given the chance the two of them might become friends. It had been a long time since hed sat down and just chatted with a woman who wasnt a patient, or some cashier in a shop, someone with whom he could pass the time of day.
Oh, I dont know. I She tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear and continued typing, her fingers tripping over one another on the keyboard, so that he could see she had to tap delete a few times and go back, cursing silently.
He focused on her stumbling fingers. Tried not to imagine himself reaching for her hands and stilling them. Just coffee. I dont have an evil plan to try and seduce you, or anything.
Shut up, you idiot. Youre making it worse!
Now she looked at him, her hands frozen over the keys. Her cheeks red. Her pause was an agonising silence before her fingers leapt into life once more, finishing her notes before she turned to him and spoke.
Thats kind of you, but
Just a chat. Anna and I dont really know anyone here, andwell, Id really like to know you. He smiled. As a friend.
It could never be anything else. Despite the fact that she was the most beautiful creature he had ever seen. Despite the fact that he could see her pulse hammering away in her throat. That her skin looked so creamy and soft. That he wanted to lift that stray strand of hair from her face and...
I
No pressure. Not a date. Just...coffee.
He realised he was rambling, but he was confused. She confused him. Made him feel like he was tripping over his own words even though he wasnt. Made him surprised at what came out of his own mouth.
Hed not reached out to a woman like this since Gwyneth had left. Hed tried to become accustomed to the fact that he would spend the rest of his life alone. That he would not parade a stream of women past Anna. That he would not endanger his heart once again because on the one occasion he had given it to a woman she had ripped it apart.
The only female who would have his undying love was his daughter.
Which was as it should be.
Anna didnt need the huge change that a woman in their lives would bring. He was lucky that Gwyneth had left before Anna knew who she was or formed a bond.
But he missed being able just to sit with a woman and chat about everyday things. He missed asking about another persons day. He missed having adult company that didnt involve talks about unusual rashes, or a cough that wouldnt go away, or could you just take a look at my boil? And he imagined that Sydney would be interesting. Would have intelligent things to say and be the complete opposite of his ex-fiance.
That was all he wanted.
All he told himself he wanted.
He waited for her to answer. Knowing she would turn him down, knowing it would hurt for some reason, but knowing that hed had to ask because... Well, because hed said something stupid to her the other day and he needed to apologise in the only way he knew how.
He waited.
* * *
Just a coffee?
Was there really such a thing as just a coffee when a guy asked you out?
Because that was what he was doing. Asking her out. Like on a date. Right? And though he said there was no pressure, there was always pressure. Wasnt there?
Besides, why would she want to meet him for a drink? For a chat? This was the man who had got her so riled up yesterday, what with his probing questions and his damned twinkling eyes.
Did he not know how attractive he was? Because he seemed oblivious to it. Either that or he was a great actor. With great hair, and an irresistible charm about him, and the way he was looking at her right now... It was doing unbelievable things to her insides. Churning her up, making her stomach seem all giddy, causing her heart to thump and her mouth to go dry. She hadnt felt this way since her schoolgirl crush had asked her to the local disco. And her hands were trembling. Trembling!
Why had he asked her out? Why did he want to go for coffee? She had nothing to talk to him about. She didnt know this guy. Except that he was a hot doctor with effortlessly cool hair and eyes that melted her insides every time he smiled at her. Oh, and that he had a daughter. A beautiful little girl who seemed very lovely indeed, but who made her feel uncomfortable because she reminded her too much of Olivia.
If he wanted to apologise to her then why didnt he just do it? It wouldnt take a moment. No need for them to go to a coffee shop. He could say it here. Now. Then she could thank him, and then he could go, and it would all be over.
Why would she get any kind of involved with this man? He was dangerous in so many ways. Intelligent, good-looking, attractive. Not to mention his adorable daughter... She pushed the thought away. No.
She wanted to say, We have nothing to talk about. She wanted to say, But theres no point. She wanted to yell, Youre so perfect you look airbrushed. And I cant have coffee with you because you make me feel things that I dont want to feel and think of things I sure as hell dont want to think about!
But she said none of those things. Instead she found herself mumbling, Thatd be great. Her voice almost gave out on that last word. Squeaking out of her closed throat so tightly she wondered if only dogs would have been able to hear it.
Oh, no, did I just agree to meet him?
The goofy smile he gave her in return made her temperature rise by a significant amount of degrees, and when he said goodbye and left the room she had to stand for a minute and fan her face with a piece of paper. She berated herself inwardly for having accepted. She would have to turn him down. Maybe call the surgery and leave a message for him.
This was a mistake.
A big mistake.
* * *
Nathan waited for his computer system to load up, and whilst he did he sat in his chair, staring into space and wondering just what the hell he had done.
Sydney Harper had said yes to his coffee invitation.
Yes!
It was unbelievable. There must have been some spike, some surge in the impulse centre of his brain that had caused his mind to short circuit or something. His leg muscles would sometimes spasm and kick out suddenlythe same must have happened with his head. And his mouth.
He had no doubt that they would get on okay. She would show upa little late, maybepretend that she couldnt stay for long, have some excuse to leave sooner than shed expected. Maybe even get a friend to call her away on an invented emergency. But...theyd get on okay. Hed apologise right away for what hed said. Be polite as could be.
Surely it was a good thing to try and make friends when you moved to a new area? That was all he was doing.
And how many guys have you invited for coffee?
The only people he really knew in Silverdale were Dr Preston, some of the staff at the medical centre and his daughters teacher at school, and they were more colleagues than actual friends. Hed left all his old friends behind when hed moved from the city to this remote village. They kept in touch online. With the odd phone call and promises to meet up.
Sydney could be a new friend. A female friend. That was possible. How could it not be in todays modern age? And once he got past her prickly demeanour, made her realise he was sorry and showed her that he was no threat to her romantically, then they could both relax and they would get on like a house on fire.
He had no doubt of that.
So why, when he thought of spending time with Sydney, did he picture them kissing? Think of himself reaching for her hand across the table and lifting it to his lips while he stared deeply into her eyes. Inhaling the scent of her perfume upon her wrist...
And why did that vision remind him of Gwyneths twisted face and her harsh words?
I cant be with you! Why would anyone want to be with you? Youre broken. Faulty. The only thing you can offer is a lifetime of pain and despair and I didnt sign up for that!
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