Читать онлайн книгу «With All Josie′s Heart» автора Crystal Stovall
With All Josie's Heart
Crystal Stovall
HOME IS WHERE THE HEART ISSoul-weary Josie Marshall returned home after seven years to recover and reflect. But what she found was Michael Rawlins on her doorstep, asking for her hand in marriage.A long time ago, Josie had pledged to marry Michaelthen left him when life took her down a different path. Now he needed her help to gain custody of his cousin's little girl. But seeing Michael again stirred emotions Josie thought long dead.Josie didn't know if her time with Michael was meant to be, but she knew she had to give him everything in her heart, not only for her salvationbut his as well!
He needed Josies help. But he couldnt let her get close.
She had left him once, and shed do it again.
Michael shrugged his shoulders. I dont know what Sharlas father is thinking. He says hes gotten his act together, and now that Sharla is motherless she should live with him.
So, hes really serious about suing for custody? Josie asked. What does your attorney say?
That my chances are fifty-fifty at best.
If I can help You know I would.
I appreciate your offer. Actually there is something you could do. Taking a deep breath, Michael said a quick prayer before putting his heart in Josies hand.
You can marry me.
CRYSTAL STOVALL
dreamed of writing inspirational romances from the moment she discovered Grace Livingston Hills novels as a teenager. These books changed her life in a profound way, starting her on a quest to blend faith and romance in her personal life, as well as launching her writing career. Shes a graduate of Oral Roberts University and a recipient of the Romance Writers of Americas Golden Heart Award.
Crystal lives in Tulsa with her husband, Jim, who is president of the Emmy Award-winning Narrative Television Network. Though shes lived in Oklahoma for nearly twenty years, shes still an Easterner at heart. Her frequent visits to her upstate New York hometownespecially a certain boulder on the edge of Cayuga Lakeprovide her with the inspiration and perspective which she finds essential to her writing.
With All Josies Heart
Crystal Stovall
www.millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk)
Let love and faithfulness never leave you;
bind them around your neck, write them
on the tablet of your heart.
Proverbs 3:3
In memory of my mother, Jozell Smith,
whose love lives on in my heart and
whose smile wont be forgotten.
Contents
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter One
This was the last place she expected to be.
Josie Marshall took a deep breath, then knocked on Michaels front door. Just past five oclock, the late-afternoon sun cast a long shadow across the wide porch. Potted geraniums and begonias lined the wooden rail, emitting a sweet fragrance that might have calmed her nerves on another day.
For the last seven years, Josie had successfully avoided Michael Rawlins, and shed had no intention of seeing her parents next door neighbor on this trip home either. Yet, here she was, holding the basket of hot food her mother had prepared, waiting for Michael to open the door.
All attempts to convince her mother Josie was too tired, that she needed a long shower and a good nights sleep before she faced anyone, had fallen on unsympathetic ears. An exhausting international flight fraught with delays and cramped seating was no excuse in Sarah Marshalls mind. Sarah, relying on the persistent gaze Josie clearly remembered from childhood, had asked her daughter to please take Michael the food. The poor man had just been released from the hospital, and Sarah would have delivered the meal herself except shed promised to drive Gran to her four oclock doctors appointment and she was already late. If Josie would do this one thing for her, her mother had sworn, she would be so grateful.
Realizing it was useless to argue, Josie had given in. However, shed procrastinated another hour before making the short trek next door.
She rang Michaels doorbell a second time and prayed there would be no answer. Quickly, she counted to ten. If Michael didnt open the door by the time she reached twenty, she was leaving.
Eighteen, nineteen, twenty Thank you, God, she whispered.
Taking a deep breath, she turned away from the door and hurried down the wooden steps. Halfway across the lawn she heard his voice. She would have known the deep, warm timbre anywhere.
Josie? Josie Marshall?
For a split second, Josie considered ignoring Michael, pretending she hadnt heard him call her name. But why should she? And what was the fuss anyway?
The thought of seeing Michael had her acting like a silly teenager. What was the harm in spending a few minutes with an old boyfriend she hadnt seen in years? She would hand him the food, make sure he was okay, chitchat for a few minutes and then leave. She would do as much for anyone else. In fact, as director of an international childrens charity, she did much more than this on a daily basis for countless strangers.
Josie took a deep breath. The truth was, not only did she need a hot bath and good nights sleep before seeing Michael, she needed a haircut, a new dress and a ten-pound weight loss. But it was too late for any of those luxuries. Making certain her brightest smile was in place, she faced him.
Michael stood on the front porch, his tall, lean body holding the screen door open. He looked the same, and yet he had changed. The longer, rebellious hair style had been replaced with a short, layered cut that emphasized his friendly brown eyes and high cheekbones. Instead of the blue jeans and T-shirt she remembered him always wearing, he looked surprisingly comfortable in casual slacks, a cotton shirt and burgundy loafers.
Hello, Michael, she slowly answered. If this is a bad time She hoped he would accept her offer to end this encounter before it started.
Not at all. Come on in. He waved her toward the house as if hed been expecting her.
His insistence surprised her, as did his curious gaze. She was tempted to ask what he thought. Had the last seven years been as flattering to her as they had been to him?
Uneasy with entering Michaels house, she remained in the yard. With her feet on solid ground, it would be easier to keep a safe distance between him and old memories.
Ive got your dinner. In case he hadnt noticed the picnic basket, she raised it a few inches. In fact, theres probably enough food in here to last a family of five an entire week.
Michael shook his head. Its a crime, isnt it? More food than I can possibly eat has been delivered this afternoon, while somewhere in the world there are families wholl go hungry tonight. I imagine with your work, the unfairness must really get to you, doesnt it?
Josie merely nodded at Michaels casual remark. He couldnt know the half of how she felt on that particular matter, and she saw no reason for sharing those private thoughts with him now. Her feelings were strictly between her and God.
Too weary for a serious conversation, she deliberately answered with a lighthearted quip. If you want to do battle with my mother, then go ahead. I dare you to send this picnic basket back.
Michael smiled. No way Im messing with Sarah Marshall. At least not until Im fully recovered.
Only then did Josie notice the tired lines framing Michaels eyes and the stiff carriage of his upper body. While there were no visible bandages or scars, her mother had said he was badly bruised and very sore.
Where would you like me to put this? Josie asked, suddenly aware of his physical discomfort. She rushed up the steps, and as she neared him, he tried to take the basket. But before he could, she glided past him and through the open door.
Though itd been a long time since shed been in the Rawlinss home, it still possessed the same welcoming air shed remembered from her teenage years when Michaels parents had owned the house. The floral prints and lemony walls Mrs. Rawlins had loved had been replaced with subtle earth tones and plaid fabrics. Even the carpeting had been pulled up to expose beautiful hardwood floors. The Western art, tailored furniture and Persian rugs hinted at a man she no longer knew.
Making her way to the kitchen, she deposited the picnic basket on the trestle table and started unloading it.
I can do that, Michael insisted. He reached for the casserole dish, and for a second his hands covered hers.
Josie flinched, his touch the same combination of gentleness and strength shed remembered. Before too many old memories slipped to the surface, she turned abruptly and broke the unsettling contact.
I wouldnt be Sarah Marshalls daughter if I didnt finish the job properly, she announced, as if his being so close had no effect on her.
Michael jokingly raised his hands shoulder high with palms facing outward. Hey, like I said before, Im not messing with your mother.
Josie flashed her too bright smile. Good. Then sit down and let me do my work. As she placed the casserole dish in the oven to warm, she described the meal. For starters, theres your favorite, cheese-stuffed meat loaf and roasted potatoes.
When she hesitated, Michael didnt notice. A long time ago meat loaf had been his favorite. Maybe it wasnt anymore.
Oh, God, she turned a silent prayer upward. Please, help me get out of here before I say something Ill regret.
Ill put the coleslaw in the fridge with the applesauce. And theres a loaf of wheat bread andta-dacherry pie for dessert.
Michael shook his head. When your mother does something, she does it right.
Yeah, Josie said. Despite all her grumblings, she had a pretty special mom. Sarah Marshall would do just about anything for her only daughter.
Michael glanced nervously at the food then back to Josie. I cant eat all this myself. You will stay for dinner, wont you?
The request was simple enough, but the unreadable emotion in Michaels eyes bothered her. Despite the years and distance between them, she knew him too well not to know when he was trying too hard. If he was as uncomfortable with her presence as she was in his, then why did he ask her to stay?
Thats so nice of you to offer, but Im exhausted and you must be, too. Maybe we could get together later in the week? Josie said, aware that once she walked out the door tonight their paths would not cross for the rest of her six-week hiatus. She would make certain of that.
Really, I insist, Michael said. You know how busy you are when youre home. Your mother will be dragging you to family reunions and church dinners until youll need a vacation to recuperate from your hiatus.
Not this time, Josie promised. Its going to be a quiet six weeks spent with my parents. Shed already warned her mother she wanted peace and quiet. Though she hadnt told her why it was so important.
Please stay, Michael said. At least for a few more minutes. The same unreadable look shed noticed before flashed across his eyes. Could he really want her to stay? Against her better judgment, she gave in to her curiosity.
For a little while. Shed never been able to refuse Michael in the past, and even after all this time apart, she still couldnt say no.
Josie suggested they go ahead and eat. While she filled two plates, Michael poured iced tea and set place mats on the dining room table.
The kitchens fine, Josie called out. She didnt want him to go to too much trouble. She didnt want to be treated like a date. She was an old friend, the girl next door, and she wanted to keep it like that.
Youre right. The kitchen is more comfortable. Im not sure why I even kept this old dining room set. I never use it. Still, Michael continued to set the oak trestle table that had belonged to his grandparents. Stepping back, he inspected his handiwork, and with a look that suggested something was missing, he opened the hutch door.
Nonsense, its beautiful, Josie said. Besides, someday, when youre an old married man, youll sit around that big table with your children and grandchildren and think life couldnt get any better.
The second Josie met Michaels gaze, she wished she could have taken back the words. Was she crazy bringing up the subject of marriage? The sooner this meal was over, the better.
Always the optimist, Michael said. Im glad that hasnt changed. Michael held out a chair for her, but before seating himself, he clumsily searched through the bottom hutch drawer.
Josie waited quietly, thinking thered been a time when she would have responded to his comment with honesty. But today she was content to let him think her optimism had remained intact.
Just as she started to ask what he was looking for, he produced two tapered candles and wrought iron holders she recognized as having once belonged to his mother.
In patient silence, Josie watched Michael strike the match and light the ocean-blue candles. Even though the sun hadnt set, the flames flickered in the early evening light. Instantly, she recalled how their love had burned out, but unlike a candle it wasnt something that could ever be rekindled with the strike of a match.
Josie sighed with relief. She shouldnt have avoided Michael for so many years. Because it wasnt until shed faced him tonight that she could really be certain of her heart. She no longer loved him. In this moment, all she felt for him was the lingering fondness anyone would feel for their first love.
Shall we pray? Michael asked.
Reaching across the table, Josie held his hand and closed her eyes.
Dear Father, Michael prayed. Thank you for this food and that we could be together to enjoy it. Please, protect Sharla, who I already consider as my daughter, and let her feel how much her grandmother and I love her. And grant Josie the restful hiatus she seeks. Then a little more loudly, he added, as if it were an afterthought, May Your will be done during these next few weeks.
Amen, Josie said. I always like a man who knows how to say a short prayer.
Michael grinned; and for a moment it was just like old times. Except for the silence that followed. Josie struggled to think of something to say, otherwise it would be a long meal.
Mom told me about your accident the day before yesterday. She said Sharla wasnt hurt. And Sarah Marshall had told her a lot of other things through the years, as well. Thanks to her mothers newsy e-mails and telephone calls, Josie knew the high points in Michaels life. She knew who he had dated, when hed bought the house from his retired parents and when Sharla had come to live with him.
Thank God, Sharlas fine, Michael said with much relief. Shes been staying at her grandmothers this summer, and we were lounging in the front yard when she chased a neighborhood cat into the street.
That must have been a horrible moment. Josie had chills just thinking about the child and the speeding car.
I cant tell you how terrified I was. I didnt think I could reach her in time. But he didnt have to explain his horror, because the fear still clung to his face. Sharla never saw the car.
You were lucky your injuries werent more serious. Josie closed her eyes for an instant, knowing how close Michael had come to tragedy.
The driver had slammed on his brakes, so by the time he hit me, he wasnt going very fast.
But fast enough.
Michael shook his head as if his cuts and bruises were nothing. He was obviously uncomfortable being the focus of attention.
Thank God, its summer and schools out. How long before youll be back on your feet? Even though he wouldnt have to teach until the end of the summer, he most likely had a busy agenda planned for his vacation months. Michael considered teaching a year-round job, whether he was teaching his third-grade class or Sunday school.
Michael nodded. The doc said I should take it easy for a couple of days. My injuries are more inconvenient than anything. Michael gracefully rose from the table, as if to prove his point. Pulling his wallet from his back pocket, he showed her the photograph on top.
Sharlas first-grade picture, he said.
Michaels eyes burned bright with love and fatherly pride. The moment stole Josies breath.
Shes your cousin Denises daughter? Josie said, even though she knew the answer. When Sarah had written about Denise Rubees tragic death, Josie hadnt been surprised to learn Michael had wanted to raise the orphaned child.
He nodded.
Shes beautiful, Josie said.
And a spitfire, too.
Michael continued to stare at the smiling photo. With her long black hair, dark-blue eyes and lightly tanned skin, the young girl physically resembled Michael.
I was sorry to hear about Denises death last fall. The fact that she was so young makes it even harder to accept, Josie said. The words were inadequate, but then there were no words to heal the pain death left behind. Shed witnessed too many tragedies with her work to think a few words could possibly give real peace and comfort.
When Michael shrugged his shoulders and his eyes misted over, Josie wanted to hug him, but instead she clasped her hands under the table. Michael opened his mouth as if he wanted to say something, but then changed his mind.
Josie reached for the wallet, flipping through the photographs. There were two more of Sharla, both taken recently, as well as a family shot with his parents, sisters, nieces and nephews. At one time, shed considered herself part of this great bunch.
How are your parents doing? she asked. Its been a long time since Ive seen them.
They enjoy Florida, and they especially love being near their grandchildren. She thought she detected a wistfulness in Michaels voice. Hed always adored his older sisters.
Have you ever thought of moving closer to them? Im sure you could get a teaching job anywhere. And any school would be lucky to have him. No one was better with children than Michael.
He shook his head. You know me. Tulsas my home. I cant see myself living anywhere else.
Of course, Josie said, avoiding his gaze. She knew that. His refusal to leave Tulsa was one of the reasons theyd broken up.
And your sisters? Josie said, once again filling the awkward tension. Theyre doing fine?
Couldnt be better. They love living in Florida.
Josie popped the last bite of potato into her mouth, then took her plate to the sink. Shed stayed too long already. There was nothing left between her and Michael except old memories, and she didnt want to stir them up too much for fear she would release the old anger and bitterness as well. She would wash the dishes and leave.
Without asking if she wanted any, Michael cut the cherry pie.
None for me, Josie said. Im trying to cut back.
Really? You look great to me.
Thank you, she said, surprised by how good his approval made her feel. Yet a little leary, too. It was almost as if he were being too nice. She shook the feelings off quickly, but noticed he still served her pie.
Stubbornly, Josie continued to wash the dishes. As she gazed out the window, a small structure, under construction in the backyard, caught her attention.
Is that what I think it is? she asked.
Michael came up behind her. His breath was warm on the back of her neck as he spoke. Yeah. Its a playhouse for Sharla.
Oh, Josie exclaimed. Grabbing a hand towel to wipe her hands, she left the dish suds and uneaten cherry pie behind. Michael followed her into the backyard.
The June sun hit the horizon as they crossed the thick Bermuda grass. Orange-red fingers blazed across the sky, heralding the end of the day. Evening songbirds welcomed the rise of the moon as darkness approached.
Youre really building her a playhouse, Josie said with wonderment.
At the moment, it was little more than a few studs and nails. Close by lay a pile of bricks for the winding walkway, wood shingles for the roof and fancy trim pieces to complete the gingerbread look. She closed her eyes and knew exactly how the finished playhouse would look. Or at least, she saw the playhouse shed always wanted as a child.
As Michael watched Josie, he pressed his hand against his side to ease the pain. It was silly, but he hadnt wanted her to know how much he hurt. This wasnt the reunion hed always envisioned. In those daydreams, he was strong and healthy and ready to prove he was doing just fine without her. And he was. Hed gotten over Josie a long time ago. The trouble was he needed her help, and from the moment shed unexpectedly appeared on his doorstep, hed been trying to find a way all evening to broach the subject.
Perhaps the direct approach was best.
But before he could say anything more, Josie began inspecting the trim pieces and the tiny stained-glass windows hed located at an antique store last week. She picked up the delicate multicolored glass and let the last rays of light filter through, coating her face in muted blues and pinks.
When the breeze pushed her light brown hair off of her face, Michael silently gasped at the tender beauty of her profile. Her creamy skin and pale red lips looked so lovely, and he was reminded of what might have been. And that made him edgy. Knowing it might be wiser to walk away before he said something hed regret, he stepped up onto the plywood platform and took the window from her hands.
I didnt realize how much you love her until I saw this, she said. As Josie met his gaze, he would have sworn she knew how it felt to love a child as her own. But then she loved a thousand children. She had put her love for children before her love for him. And now he was going to ask her to do it again.
Yeah, shes like my own. I remember the day Denise asked me to be Sharlas godfather. Though I took the responsibility seriously, I had no idea of the commitment I was truly making. Denise and Eddie had already broken up, and so I was Denises birthing coach. I was there when Sharla was born. I held her in my arms when she was only minutes old. I heard her first cries and saw her first smiles.
Josie nodded. She knew this. Her mother had written about Sharlas birth in detail and how Michael had stayed with Denise those first few weeks, helping her with night feedings and diaper changes. And then hed started keeping Sharla on weekends and making sure she had her required shots and clothes for school.
Little by little, I became her father. I didnt even see it happening. It was the most natural thing in the world.
I can see she makes you happy.
Michael smiled. That doesnt even begin to describe my feelings. Shes the reason I get up in the morning. Shes the reason I look forward to the future.
And now it was the future that worried him.
When Denise asked me if I would become Sharlas legal guardian, I was scared by the responsibility, but deep down I knew God had placed me in this childs life for a reason. She needed me. She needed the stability and love I could give her. I think deep down Denise somehow knew she would never beat her drug addiction. You know, she died of an overdose? Michaels voice cracked, and he paused to regain control.
Watching Denise succumb to her illegal drug addiction had been one of the hardest things hed ever done. Hed tried to help her, but his best efforts combined with the help of family and friends hadnt been enough. Loving Sharla is the easiest thing Ive ever done.
Im glad everything is working out for you.
Josies eyes were sincere and that touched him. Sharla couldnt be in better hands.
Its not that simple. Michael turned away from her. He had to ask her now, before he lost his nerve. For Sharlas sake, he couldnt blow this.
Whats going on? she asked.
Ive got to go to court later in the summer. I may not get custody of Sharla.
What? Josie shouted. I cant believe this. If it was Denises last wish for you to raise her daughter, and she had sole custody
Michael appreciated Josies indignation. It made him believe she would help him.
As it turned out, she didnt have sole custody. But because Eddie Lewis had never shown a smidgen of interest in Sharla, Denise hadnt thought it necessary to ask the court to grant her sole custody.
And now he wants to raise her? Josie filled in the missing pieces. But why?
Michael wasnt prepared to tell Josie everything. This was his fight. While he needed her help, he couldnt let her get too close in the process. Shed left him once, and shed do it again.
He shrugged his shoulders. I dont know what that man is thinking. He says hes gotten his act together, and now that Sharla is motherless she should live with him. Hes recently remarried and has stepchildren near Sharlas age.
So hes really serious about this? Josie said. Michael nodded. What does your attorney say?
That my chances are fifty-fifty at best. The judge hearing the case is known for siding with the biological parent.
Wow. Josie swallowed so hard Michael saw her Adams apple bob.
If I can helpin any wayyou know I would. Perhaps I could testify at the court hearing on your behalf?
I appreciate your offer to help. And actually there is something you could do. Michael said the words quickly before he lost his nerve.
What? Tell me? Josie gently touched his elbow, the simple gesture giving him the courage he needed.
Taking a deep breath, Michael said a quick prayer before putting his heart in Josies hand. You can marry me.
Chapter Two
With a thousand stars blinking in the summer sky, the only light Michael cared about smoldered in Josies eyes.
For what seemed like an eternity, she remained frozen in place, too stunned to move. When she met his gaze, he felt the full force of her indignation. Perspiration spread across Michaels forehead and neck, and he felt as if he were melting into the black shadows cast by the outdoor lights.
Let me make sure I heard you correctly. She took a deep breath, then pointed her index finger at him. You just asked me to marry you.
Michael nodded his head. I know it sounds crazy
Crazy? Josie grabbed the top of her head with both hands as she grimaced. Crazy doesnt even begin to describe what this is. Youmegetting married? Well, itsits insane. Thats what it isinsane. Josie clinched both fists. With each word she said, her voice became higher and louder and more agitated, while her face turned one shade of red after another.
Okay, if you could just settle down, and let me explain Dear God, Michael prayed, let her see my heart. I know if she would just listen she would understand and help me. Michael reached out to take her hand, but she flinched to avoid his touch.
Tell me this, she said, taking one more step backward. Do you love me?
Though he didnt speak immediately, he boldly met her gaze. Its not that simple.
Well, it ought to be, she whispered. Obviously unwilling to consider his request, she turned to walk away. This time when Michael reached for her, he caught her arm and brought her to a halt. If he had to beg, he would.
If after youve heard everything, and you still want to say no, then so be it. But at least give me a chance to explain.
The seconds ticked by, seeming like hours to Michael. Doubt began to rise in his heart, followed quickly by humiliation. Hed been foolish to put his future in Josie Marshalls hands. He should have learned his lesson the first time.
Finally, Josie nodded.
He saw the reluctance, but he didnt care. She was giving him a chance, and he couldnt blow it.
This is the only way I know to protect Sharla, he began.
It was the desperation in Michaels eyes that finally convinced Josie to listen.
Im fighting Sharlas newly married biological father. And Im a single man. You know what that means. The decision could come down to those facts alone. I just cant sit by and do nothing.
You would marry a woman you dont love for Sharlas sake? Josie asked. Were they really having this discussion?
Yes, he said firmly.
Josie sighed. There has to be some other way. Youve got a good attorney. Youre the only father Sharla has ever known. Surely that has to count.
It does, but I need more than maybes. I need to do everything I can to keep Sharla.
Why? For some reason it seemed important to know the depth of his conviction.
Because I believe, without a doubt, Im the best person to raise her. God brought her into my life, and I dont think He brought us together just to take her away now.
Josie glanced down at the ground, kicking the grass with her toe before looking back up. Sharla is a lucky girl.
Still, Josie wasnt even close to being convinced she was the answer to his problems. Shaking her head ever so slightly, she feared Michael wouldnt let her say no and walk away. He was prepared to wear her down until she gave in.
There must be another way. Im sure there are lots of women who would jump at the chance to marry you. Michael cocked his head in disbelief, but Josie continued. What about Marianne Blade or Julie Sparks? Theyre both crazy about you.
Josie saw the confused look flash across Michaels eyes. He knew there was something odd about what shed just said, but in this intense moment he couldnt put his finger on it. But she knew. Though shed always pretended she didnt care what Michael was doing, shed paid attention to every bit of news her mother had passed along.
You dont get it, Michael said. Youre the only woman I can believably marry on such short notice.
Because we were once engaged, Josie finished his sentence.
This marriage has to be convincing. Michael took her hands into his, as if he believed hed already won her over. Weve got to be so real your parents, our friends, the courts caseworker, dont suspect a thing. I know we can do this, Josie. Michael paused for a minute. Please. Help me. Help Sharla.
The word no perched on the tip of her tongue, and she had been ready to spit it out until hed said:
Please, help Sharla.
Sharla. A little girl she didnt know, but a little girl who needed her help just as Angelina once had.
For a second, she imagined Angelinas sweet, round face. Mentally she ran her fingertips across the childs smooth tanned cheeks, then through her long dark hair. She heard her innocent laughter ring out across the night sky, and she shivered.
Please, Michael said again in a voice so low, so quiet, she barely heard him. Yet, he spoke with such intensity and determination his voice could have traveled around the world and back and she would have still heard him.
Josie once again looked her former fianc in the eyes. There had been a time when she would have done anything for him. But this?
Again Angelinas face flashed through her memory.
She couldnt say yes, but neither could she say no.
.
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Crystal Stovall
HOME IS WHERE THE HEART ISSoul-weary Josie Marshall returned home after seven years to recover and reflect. But what she found was Michael Rawlins on her doorstep, asking for her hand in marriage.A long time ago, Josie had pledged to marry Michaelthen left him when life took her down a different path. Now he needed her help to gain custody of his cousin's little girl. But seeing Michael again stirred emotions Josie thought long dead.Josie didn't know if her time with Michael was meant to be, but she knew she had to give him everything in her heart, not only for her salvationbut his as well!
He needed Josies help. But he couldnt let her get close.
She had left him once, and shed do it again.
Michael shrugged his shoulders. I dont know what Sharlas father is thinking. He says hes gotten his act together, and now that Sharla is motherless she should live with him.
So, hes really serious about suing for custody? Josie asked. What does your attorney say?
That my chances are fifty-fifty at best.
If I can help You know I would.
I appreciate your offer. Actually there is something you could do. Taking a deep breath, Michael said a quick prayer before putting his heart in Josies hand.
You can marry me.
CRYSTAL STOVALL
dreamed of writing inspirational romances from the moment she discovered Grace Livingston Hills novels as a teenager. These books changed her life in a profound way, starting her on a quest to blend faith and romance in her personal life, as well as launching her writing career. Shes a graduate of Oral Roberts University and a recipient of the Romance Writers of Americas Golden Heart Award.
Crystal lives in Tulsa with her husband, Jim, who is president of the Emmy Award-winning Narrative Television Network. Though shes lived in Oklahoma for nearly twenty years, shes still an Easterner at heart. Her frequent visits to her upstate New York hometownespecially a certain boulder on the edge of Cayuga Lakeprovide her with the inspiration and perspective which she finds essential to her writing.
With All Josies Heart
Crystal Stovall
www.millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk)
Let love and faithfulness never leave you;
bind them around your neck, write them
on the tablet of your heart.
Proverbs 3:3
In memory of my mother, Jozell Smith,
whose love lives on in my heart and
whose smile wont be forgotten.
Contents
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter One
This was the last place she expected to be.
Josie Marshall took a deep breath, then knocked on Michaels front door. Just past five oclock, the late-afternoon sun cast a long shadow across the wide porch. Potted geraniums and begonias lined the wooden rail, emitting a sweet fragrance that might have calmed her nerves on another day.
For the last seven years, Josie had successfully avoided Michael Rawlins, and shed had no intention of seeing her parents next door neighbor on this trip home either. Yet, here she was, holding the basket of hot food her mother had prepared, waiting for Michael to open the door.
All attempts to convince her mother Josie was too tired, that she needed a long shower and a good nights sleep before she faced anyone, had fallen on unsympathetic ears. An exhausting international flight fraught with delays and cramped seating was no excuse in Sarah Marshalls mind. Sarah, relying on the persistent gaze Josie clearly remembered from childhood, had asked her daughter to please take Michael the food. The poor man had just been released from the hospital, and Sarah would have delivered the meal herself except shed promised to drive Gran to her four oclock doctors appointment and she was already late. If Josie would do this one thing for her, her mother had sworn, she would be so grateful.
Realizing it was useless to argue, Josie had given in. However, shed procrastinated another hour before making the short trek next door.
She rang Michaels doorbell a second time and prayed there would be no answer. Quickly, she counted to ten. If Michael didnt open the door by the time she reached twenty, she was leaving.
Eighteen, nineteen, twenty Thank you, God, she whispered.
Taking a deep breath, she turned away from the door and hurried down the wooden steps. Halfway across the lawn she heard his voice. She would have known the deep, warm timbre anywhere.
Josie? Josie Marshall?
For a split second, Josie considered ignoring Michael, pretending she hadnt heard him call her name. But why should she? And what was the fuss anyway?
The thought of seeing Michael had her acting like a silly teenager. What was the harm in spending a few minutes with an old boyfriend she hadnt seen in years? She would hand him the food, make sure he was okay, chitchat for a few minutes and then leave. She would do as much for anyone else. In fact, as director of an international childrens charity, she did much more than this on a daily basis for countless strangers.
Josie took a deep breath. The truth was, not only did she need a hot bath and good nights sleep before seeing Michael, she needed a haircut, a new dress and a ten-pound weight loss. But it was too late for any of those luxuries. Making certain her brightest smile was in place, she faced him.
Michael stood on the front porch, his tall, lean body holding the screen door open. He looked the same, and yet he had changed. The longer, rebellious hair style had been replaced with a short, layered cut that emphasized his friendly brown eyes and high cheekbones. Instead of the blue jeans and T-shirt she remembered him always wearing, he looked surprisingly comfortable in casual slacks, a cotton shirt and burgundy loafers.
Hello, Michael, she slowly answered. If this is a bad time She hoped he would accept her offer to end this encounter before it started.
Not at all. Come on in. He waved her toward the house as if hed been expecting her.
His insistence surprised her, as did his curious gaze. She was tempted to ask what he thought. Had the last seven years been as flattering to her as they had been to him?
Uneasy with entering Michaels house, she remained in the yard. With her feet on solid ground, it would be easier to keep a safe distance between him and old memories.
Ive got your dinner. In case he hadnt noticed the picnic basket, she raised it a few inches. In fact, theres probably enough food in here to last a family of five an entire week.
Michael shook his head. Its a crime, isnt it? More food than I can possibly eat has been delivered this afternoon, while somewhere in the world there are families wholl go hungry tonight. I imagine with your work, the unfairness must really get to you, doesnt it?
Josie merely nodded at Michaels casual remark. He couldnt know the half of how she felt on that particular matter, and she saw no reason for sharing those private thoughts with him now. Her feelings were strictly between her and God.
Too weary for a serious conversation, she deliberately answered with a lighthearted quip. If you want to do battle with my mother, then go ahead. I dare you to send this picnic basket back.
Michael smiled. No way Im messing with Sarah Marshall. At least not until Im fully recovered.
Only then did Josie notice the tired lines framing Michaels eyes and the stiff carriage of his upper body. While there were no visible bandages or scars, her mother had said he was badly bruised and very sore.
Where would you like me to put this? Josie asked, suddenly aware of his physical discomfort. She rushed up the steps, and as she neared him, he tried to take the basket. But before he could, she glided past him and through the open door.
Though itd been a long time since shed been in the Rawlinss home, it still possessed the same welcoming air shed remembered from her teenage years when Michaels parents had owned the house. The floral prints and lemony walls Mrs. Rawlins had loved had been replaced with subtle earth tones and plaid fabrics. Even the carpeting had been pulled up to expose beautiful hardwood floors. The Western art, tailored furniture and Persian rugs hinted at a man she no longer knew.
Making her way to the kitchen, she deposited the picnic basket on the trestle table and started unloading it.
I can do that, Michael insisted. He reached for the casserole dish, and for a second his hands covered hers.
Josie flinched, his touch the same combination of gentleness and strength shed remembered. Before too many old memories slipped to the surface, she turned abruptly and broke the unsettling contact.
I wouldnt be Sarah Marshalls daughter if I didnt finish the job properly, she announced, as if his being so close had no effect on her.
Michael jokingly raised his hands shoulder high with palms facing outward. Hey, like I said before, Im not messing with your mother.
Josie flashed her too bright smile. Good. Then sit down and let me do my work. As she placed the casserole dish in the oven to warm, she described the meal. For starters, theres your favorite, cheese-stuffed meat loaf and roasted potatoes.
When she hesitated, Michael didnt notice. A long time ago meat loaf had been his favorite. Maybe it wasnt anymore.
Oh, God, she turned a silent prayer upward. Please, help me get out of here before I say something Ill regret.
Ill put the coleslaw in the fridge with the applesauce. And theres a loaf of wheat bread andta-dacherry pie for dessert.
Michael shook his head. When your mother does something, she does it right.
Yeah, Josie said. Despite all her grumblings, she had a pretty special mom. Sarah Marshall would do just about anything for her only daughter.
Michael glanced nervously at the food then back to Josie. I cant eat all this myself. You will stay for dinner, wont you?
The request was simple enough, but the unreadable emotion in Michaels eyes bothered her. Despite the years and distance between them, she knew him too well not to know when he was trying too hard. If he was as uncomfortable with her presence as she was in his, then why did he ask her to stay?
Thats so nice of you to offer, but Im exhausted and you must be, too. Maybe we could get together later in the week? Josie said, aware that once she walked out the door tonight their paths would not cross for the rest of her six-week hiatus. She would make certain of that.
Really, I insist, Michael said. You know how busy you are when youre home. Your mother will be dragging you to family reunions and church dinners until youll need a vacation to recuperate from your hiatus.
Not this time, Josie promised. Its going to be a quiet six weeks spent with my parents. Shed already warned her mother she wanted peace and quiet. Though she hadnt told her why it was so important.
Please stay, Michael said. At least for a few more minutes. The same unreadable look shed noticed before flashed across his eyes. Could he really want her to stay? Against her better judgment, she gave in to her curiosity.
For a little while. Shed never been able to refuse Michael in the past, and even after all this time apart, she still couldnt say no.
Josie suggested they go ahead and eat. While she filled two plates, Michael poured iced tea and set place mats on the dining room table.
The kitchens fine, Josie called out. She didnt want him to go to too much trouble. She didnt want to be treated like a date. She was an old friend, the girl next door, and she wanted to keep it like that.
Youre right. The kitchen is more comfortable. Im not sure why I even kept this old dining room set. I never use it. Still, Michael continued to set the oak trestle table that had belonged to his grandparents. Stepping back, he inspected his handiwork, and with a look that suggested something was missing, he opened the hutch door.
Nonsense, its beautiful, Josie said. Besides, someday, when youre an old married man, youll sit around that big table with your children and grandchildren and think life couldnt get any better.
The second Josie met Michaels gaze, she wished she could have taken back the words. Was she crazy bringing up the subject of marriage? The sooner this meal was over, the better.
Always the optimist, Michael said. Im glad that hasnt changed. Michael held out a chair for her, but before seating himself, he clumsily searched through the bottom hutch drawer.
Josie waited quietly, thinking thered been a time when she would have responded to his comment with honesty. But today she was content to let him think her optimism had remained intact.
Just as she started to ask what he was looking for, he produced two tapered candles and wrought iron holders she recognized as having once belonged to his mother.
In patient silence, Josie watched Michael strike the match and light the ocean-blue candles. Even though the sun hadnt set, the flames flickered in the early evening light. Instantly, she recalled how their love had burned out, but unlike a candle it wasnt something that could ever be rekindled with the strike of a match.
Josie sighed with relief. She shouldnt have avoided Michael for so many years. Because it wasnt until shed faced him tonight that she could really be certain of her heart. She no longer loved him. In this moment, all she felt for him was the lingering fondness anyone would feel for their first love.
Shall we pray? Michael asked.
Reaching across the table, Josie held his hand and closed her eyes.
Dear Father, Michael prayed. Thank you for this food and that we could be together to enjoy it. Please, protect Sharla, who I already consider as my daughter, and let her feel how much her grandmother and I love her. And grant Josie the restful hiatus she seeks. Then a little more loudly, he added, as if it were an afterthought, May Your will be done during these next few weeks.
Amen, Josie said. I always like a man who knows how to say a short prayer.
Michael grinned; and for a moment it was just like old times. Except for the silence that followed. Josie struggled to think of something to say, otherwise it would be a long meal.
Mom told me about your accident the day before yesterday. She said Sharla wasnt hurt. And Sarah Marshall had told her a lot of other things through the years, as well. Thanks to her mothers newsy e-mails and telephone calls, Josie knew the high points in Michaels life. She knew who he had dated, when hed bought the house from his retired parents and when Sharla had come to live with him.
Thank God, Sharlas fine, Michael said with much relief. Shes been staying at her grandmothers this summer, and we were lounging in the front yard when she chased a neighborhood cat into the street.
That must have been a horrible moment. Josie had chills just thinking about the child and the speeding car.
I cant tell you how terrified I was. I didnt think I could reach her in time. But he didnt have to explain his horror, because the fear still clung to his face. Sharla never saw the car.
You were lucky your injuries werent more serious. Josie closed her eyes for an instant, knowing how close Michael had come to tragedy.
The driver had slammed on his brakes, so by the time he hit me, he wasnt going very fast.
But fast enough.
Michael shook his head as if his cuts and bruises were nothing. He was obviously uncomfortable being the focus of attention.
Thank God, its summer and schools out. How long before youll be back on your feet? Even though he wouldnt have to teach until the end of the summer, he most likely had a busy agenda planned for his vacation months. Michael considered teaching a year-round job, whether he was teaching his third-grade class or Sunday school.
Michael nodded. The doc said I should take it easy for a couple of days. My injuries are more inconvenient than anything. Michael gracefully rose from the table, as if to prove his point. Pulling his wallet from his back pocket, he showed her the photograph on top.
Sharlas first-grade picture, he said.
Michaels eyes burned bright with love and fatherly pride. The moment stole Josies breath.
Shes your cousin Denises daughter? Josie said, even though she knew the answer. When Sarah had written about Denise Rubees tragic death, Josie hadnt been surprised to learn Michael had wanted to raise the orphaned child.
He nodded.
Shes beautiful, Josie said.
And a spitfire, too.
Michael continued to stare at the smiling photo. With her long black hair, dark-blue eyes and lightly tanned skin, the young girl physically resembled Michael.
I was sorry to hear about Denises death last fall. The fact that she was so young makes it even harder to accept, Josie said. The words were inadequate, but then there were no words to heal the pain death left behind. Shed witnessed too many tragedies with her work to think a few words could possibly give real peace and comfort.
When Michael shrugged his shoulders and his eyes misted over, Josie wanted to hug him, but instead she clasped her hands under the table. Michael opened his mouth as if he wanted to say something, but then changed his mind.
Josie reached for the wallet, flipping through the photographs. There were two more of Sharla, both taken recently, as well as a family shot with his parents, sisters, nieces and nephews. At one time, shed considered herself part of this great bunch.
How are your parents doing? she asked. Its been a long time since Ive seen them.
They enjoy Florida, and they especially love being near their grandchildren. She thought she detected a wistfulness in Michaels voice. Hed always adored his older sisters.
Have you ever thought of moving closer to them? Im sure you could get a teaching job anywhere. And any school would be lucky to have him. No one was better with children than Michael.
He shook his head. You know me. Tulsas my home. I cant see myself living anywhere else.
Of course, Josie said, avoiding his gaze. She knew that. His refusal to leave Tulsa was one of the reasons theyd broken up.
And your sisters? Josie said, once again filling the awkward tension. Theyre doing fine?
Couldnt be better. They love living in Florida.
Josie popped the last bite of potato into her mouth, then took her plate to the sink. Shed stayed too long already. There was nothing left between her and Michael except old memories, and she didnt want to stir them up too much for fear she would release the old anger and bitterness as well. She would wash the dishes and leave.
Without asking if she wanted any, Michael cut the cherry pie.
None for me, Josie said. Im trying to cut back.
Really? You look great to me.
Thank you, she said, surprised by how good his approval made her feel. Yet a little leary, too. It was almost as if he were being too nice. She shook the feelings off quickly, but noticed he still served her pie.
Stubbornly, Josie continued to wash the dishes. As she gazed out the window, a small structure, under construction in the backyard, caught her attention.
Is that what I think it is? she asked.
Michael came up behind her. His breath was warm on the back of her neck as he spoke. Yeah. Its a playhouse for Sharla.
Oh, Josie exclaimed. Grabbing a hand towel to wipe her hands, she left the dish suds and uneaten cherry pie behind. Michael followed her into the backyard.
The June sun hit the horizon as they crossed the thick Bermuda grass. Orange-red fingers blazed across the sky, heralding the end of the day. Evening songbirds welcomed the rise of the moon as darkness approached.
Youre really building her a playhouse, Josie said with wonderment.
At the moment, it was little more than a few studs and nails. Close by lay a pile of bricks for the winding walkway, wood shingles for the roof and fancy trim pieces to complete the gingerbread look. She closed her eyes and knew exactly how the finished playhouse would look. Or at least, she saw the playhouse shed always wanted as a child.
As Michael watched Josie, he pressed his hand against his side to ease the pain. It was silly, but he hadnt wanted her to know how much he hurt. This wasnt the reunion hed always envisioned. In those daydreams, he was strong and healthy and ready to prove he was doing just fine without her. And he was. Hed gotten over Josie a long time ago. The trouble was he needed her help, and from the moment shed unexpectedly appeared on his doorstep, hed been trying to find a way all evening to broach the subject.
Perhaps the direct approach was best.
But before he could say anything more, Josie began inspecting the trim pieces and the tiny stained-glass windows hed located at an antique store last week. She picked up the delicate multicolored glass and let the last rays of light filter through, coating her face in muted blues and pinks.
When the breeze pushed her light brown hair off of her face, Michael silently gasped at the tender beauty of her profile. Her creamy skin and pale red lips looked so lovely, and he was reminded of what might have been. And that made him edgy. Knowing it might be wiser to walk away before he said something hed regret, he stepped up onto the plywood platform and took the window from her hands.
I didnt realize how much you love her until I saw this, she said. As Josie met his gaze, he would have sworn she knew how it felt to love a child as her own. But then she loved a thousand children. She had put her love for children before her love for him. And now he was going to ask her to do it again.
Yeah, shes like my own. I remember the day Denise asked me to be Sharlas godfather. Though I took the responsibility seriously, I had no idea of the commitment I was truly making. Denise and Eddie had already broken up, and so I was Denises birthing coach. I was there when Sharla was born. I held her in my arms when she was only minutes old. I heard her first cries and saw her first smiles.
Josie nodded. She knew this. Her mother had written about Sharlas birth in detail and how Michael had stayed with Denise those first few weeks, helping her with night feedings and diaper changes. And then hed started keeping Sharla on weekends and making sure she had her required shots and clothes for school.
Little by little, I became her father. I didnt even see it happening. It was the most natural thing in the world.
I can see she makes you happy.
Michael smiled. That doesnt even begin to describe my feelings. Shes the reason I get up in the morning. Shes the reason I look forward to the future.
And now it was the future that worried him.
When Denise asked me if I would become Sharlas legal guardian, I was scared by the responsibility, but deep down I knew God had placed me in this childs life for a reason. She needed me. She needed the stability and love I could give her. I think deep down Denise somehow knew she would never beat her drug addiction. You know, she died of an overdose? Michaels voice cracked, and he paused to regain control.
Watching Denise succumb to her illegal drug addiction had been one of the hardest things hed ever done. Hed tried to help her, but his best efforts combined with the help of family and friends hadnt been enough. Loving Sharla is the easiest thing Ive ever done.
Im glad everything is working out for you.
Josies eyes were sincere and that touched him. Sharla couldnt be in better hands.
Its not that simple. Michael turned away from her. He had to ask her now, before he lost his nerve. For Sharlas sake, he couldnt blow this.
Whats going on? she asked.
Ive got to go to court later in the summer. I may not get custody of Sharla.
What? Josie shouted. I cant believe this. If it was Denises last wish for you to raise her daughter, and she had sole custody
Michael appreciated Josies indignation. It made him believe she would help him.
As it turned out, she didnt have sole custody. But because Eddie Lewis had never shown a smidgen of interest in Sharla, Denise hadnt thought it necessary to ask the court to grant her sole custody.
And now he wants to raise her? Josie filled in the missing pieces. But why?
Michael wasnt prepared to tell Josie everything. This was his fight. While he needed her help, he couldnt let her get too close in the process. Shed left him once, and shed do it again.
He shrugged his shoulders. I dont know what that man is thinking. He says hes gotten his act together, and now that Sharla is motherless she should live with him. Hes recently remarried and has stepchildren near Sharlas age.
So hes really serious about this? Josie said. Michael nodded. What does your attorney say?
That my chances are fifty-fifty at best. The judge hearing the case is known for siding with the biological parent.
Wow. Josie swallowed so hard Michael saw her Adams apple bob.
If I can helpin any wayyou know I would. Perhaps I could testify at the court hearing on your behalf?
I appreciate your offer to help. And actually there is something you could do. Michael said the words quickly before he lost his nerve.
What? Tell me? Josie gently touched his elbow, the simple gesture giving him the courage he needed.
Taking a deep breath, Michael said a quick prayer before putting his heart in Josies hand. You can marry me.
Chapter Two
With a thousand stars blinking in the summer sky, the only light Michael cared about smoldered in Josies eyes.
For what seemed like an eternity, she remained frozen in place, too stunned to move. When she met his gaze, he felt the full force of her indignation. Perspiration spread across Michaels forehead and neck, and he felt as if he were melting into the black shadows cast by the outdoor lights.
Let me make sure I heard you correctly. She took a deep breath, then pointed her index finger at him. You just asked me to marry you.
Michael nodded his head. I know it sounds crazy
Crazy? Josie grabbed the top of her head with both hands as she grimaced. Crazy doesnt even begin to describe what this is. Youmegetting married? Well, itsits insane. Thats what it isinsane. Josie clinched both fists. With each word she said, her voice became higher and louder and more agitated, while her face turned one shade of red after another.
Okay, if you could just settle down, and let me explain Dear God, Michael prayed, let her see my heart. I know if she would just listen she would understand and help me. Michael reached out to take her hand, but she flinched to avoid his touch.
Tell me this, she said, taking one more step backward. Do you love me?
Though he didnt speak immediately, he boldly met her gaze. Its not that simple.
Well, it ought to be, she whispered. Obviously unwilling to consider his request, she turned to walk away. This time when Michael reached for her, he caught her arm and brought her to a halt. If he had to beg, he would.
If after youve heard everything, and you still want to say no, then so be it. But at least give me a chance to explain.
The seconds ticked by, seeming like hours to Michael. Doubt began to rise in his heart, followed quickly by humiliation. Hed been foolish to put his future in Josie Marshalls hands. He should have learned his lesson the first time.
Finally, Josie nodded.
He saw the reluctance, but he didnt care. She was giving him a chance, and he couldnt blow it.
This is the only way I know to protect Sharla, he began.
It was the desperation in Michaels eyes that finally convinced Josie to listen.
Im fighting Sharlas newly married biological father. And Im a single man. You know what that means. The decision could come down to those facts alone. I just cant sit by and do nothing.
You would marry a woman you dont love for Sharlas sake? Josie asked. Were they really having this discussion?
Yes, he said firmly.
Josie sighed. There has to be some other way. Youve got a good attorney. Youre the only father Sharla has ever known. Surely that has to count.
It does, but I need more than maybes. I need to do everything I can to keep Sharla.
Why? For some reason it seemed important to know the depth of his conviction.
Because I believe, without a doubt, Im the best person to raise her. God brought her into my life, and I dont think He brought us together just to take her away now.
Josie glanced down at the ground, kicking the grass with her toe before looking back up. Sharla is a lucky girl.
Still, Josie wasnt even close to being convinced she was the answer to his problems. Shaking her head ever so slightly, she feared Michael wouldnt let her say no and walk away. He was prepared to wear her down until she gave in.
There must be another way. Im sure there are lots of women who would jump at the chance to marry you. Michael cocked his head in disbelief, but Josie continued. What about Marianne Blade or Julie Sparks? Theyre both crazy about you.
Josie saw the confused look flash across Michaels eyes. He knew there was something odd about what shed just said, but in this intense moment he couldnt put his finger on it. But she knew. Though shed always pretended she didnt care what Michael was doing, shed paid attention to every bit of news her mother had passed along.
You dont get it, Michael said. Youre the only woman I can believably marry on such short notice.
Because we were once engaged, Josie finished his sentence.
This marriage has to be convincing. Michael took her hands into his, as if he believed hed already won her over. Weve got to be so real your parents, our friends, the courts caseworker, dont suspect a thing. I know we can do this, Josie. Michael paused for a minute. Please. Help me. Help Sharla.
The word no perched on the tip of her tongue, and she had been ready to spit it out until hed said:
Please, help Sharla.
Sharla. A little girl she didnt know, but a little girl who needed her help just as Angelina once had.
For a second, she imagined Angelinas sweet, round face. Mentally she ran her fingertips across the childs smooth tanned cheeks, then through her long dark hair. She heard her innocent laughter ring out across the night sky, and she shivered.
Please, Michael said again in a voice so low, so quiet, she barely heard him. Yet, he spoke with such intensity and determination his voice could have traveled around the world and back and she would have still heard him.
Josie once again looked her former fianc in the eyes. There had been a time when she would have done anything for him. But this?
Again Angelinas face flashed through her memory.
She couldnt say yes, but neither could she say no.
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