Читать онлайн книгу «The Surgeon King′s Secret Baby» автора Amy Ruttan
The Surgeon King's Secret Baby
Amy Ruttan
A family by New Years Eve?Reagan Cote left war-torn Hermosa thinking the gorgeous surgeon shed shared a brief affair with was lost on the frontline. So she clung to the child she was carrying.While Kainan Laskaris voice is damaged, hes alive. And when he finds Reagan in Toronto and discovers hes dad to their sick baby boy, he asks her to marry him. Now hes King of Hermosa, he needs a queen and heir, but before shell accept, Kainan must prove that marrying Reagan means more than claiming his kingdom.
A family by New Years Eve?
Reagan Cote left war-torn Hermosa thinking the gorgeous surgeon shed shared a brief affair with was lost on the front line. So she clung to the child she was carrying.
While Kainan Laskariss voice is damaged, hes alive. And when he finds Reagan in Toronto and discovers hes dad to their sick baby boy, he asks her to marry him. Now hes king of Hermosa, he needs a queen and heir, but before shell accept, Kainan must prove that marrying Reagan means more than claiming his kingdom.
Dear Reader (#uea923d57-6a79-5041-9066-0cfaee4d22e4),
Thank you for picking up a copy of The Surgeon Kings Secret Baby.
I have to say this book was one of the hardest books Ive ever had to write, because of the piece of me that goes into writing all my books. It was emotional. Still, this story needed to be toldbut I can tell you it was a challenge, writing a book with a hero who had no voice!
Kainan has had a lot put on his shoulders, and his life is changed after the war that broke out in his countryas lives are always changed after war.
Reagan has never really had love, but she finds something special with Kainan and then thinks shes lost it.
Writing about strong heroines is one of my favourite things to do. I was always taught to be strong and independent, and what Reagan endures when she gives birth to her medically fragile son alone is what makes her a superhero in my eyes.
I remember vividly being in Reagans shoes, but thankfully my son didnt have the severity of illness that Reagans son did.
I hope you enjoy Kainan and Reagans second chance at happiness.
I love hearing from readers, so please drop by my website amyruttan.com (http://www.amyruttan.com) or give me a shout on Twitter @ruttanamy (https://twitter.com/ruttanamy?lang=en).
With warmest wishes,
Amy Ruttan
The Surgeon Kings Secret Baby
Amy Ruttan
www.millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk)
Books by Amy Ruttan
Mills & Boon Medical Romance
Christmas in Manhattan
Navy Doc on Her Christmas List
Royal Spring Babies
His Pregnant Royal Bride
Hot Latin Docs
Alejandros Sexy Secret
The Hollywood Hills Clinic
Perfect Rivals...
Sealed by a Valentines Kiss
His Shock Valentines Proposal
Craving Her Ex-Army Doc
Convenient Marriage, Surprise Twins
Visit the Author Profile page
at millsandboon.co.uk (http://millsandboon.co.uk) for more titles.
This book is dedicated to all the mothers waiting
next to their childs hospital bed. Waiting for a miracle.
And this book is also dedicated to all those doctors
out there who perform those miracles on tiny humans.
Thank you.
Contents
Cover (#u9087f426-8493-52ef-98d2-e8feffabcc7d)
Back Cover Text (#uca6a6195-4e2c-51c7-9edd-6df8076e56f8)
Dear Reader (#u4183e7b6-f575-58bf-b3c4-88567a62241e)
Title Page (#u30ec4d54-d828-5423-bdc3-64950896bd10)
Booklist (#u256a2422-753a-5a1a-9b82-341b4581d6fd)
Dedication (#u11cef62d-78a3-56ca-b393-96c28c480a7b)
Prologue (#u5adb2659-943a-5268-9f41-0c014a6dde02)
Chapter One (#u5450df07-cd2f-5100-8166-4f5d65a0e567)
Chapter Two (#ub143fd16-2a9d-5abd-bf9a-3ca663591c61)
Chapter Three (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Four (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Five (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Six (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Seven (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Eight (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Nine (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Ten (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Eleven (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Twelve (#litres_trial_promo)
Epilogue (#litres_trial_promo)
Extract (#litres_trial_promo)
Copyright (#litres_trial_promo)
Prologue (#uea923d57-6a79-5041-9066-0cfaee4d22e4)
Isla Hermosawar-torn country
I NEED A unit of packed cellsstat! Reagan shouted over her shoulder. But no sooner had the words left her mouth than another explosion rocked the mobile hospital unit.
She had a wounded man open on her table, and instinctively she threw her body over her patients to try and prevent dust and debris from entering into the exposed body cavity.
After working in this war-torn place for over a year, throwing herself over a patient came as second nature. It shouldnt have to, but such was the nature of war.
Isla Hermosa had been a beautiful, peaceful country once. A paradise in the Atlantic for vacation-goers. A country founded by Spanish and Greek settlers over seven hundred years ago, full of pristine beaches and tall palm trees.
Now the beach they were on just held the charred remains of its tall palms, and the blue sky was blackened with plumes of smoke rising from the capital. Dust filled the hot air, making it hard to breathe. There was no relief.
It was not ideal to be operating out in the open like this, but it was stiflingly hot on the beach, and being closed up in a tent in this humidity would not make matters any better. What they needed was a hospital, but that was impossible. Most of Isla Hermosa had been taken over by the rebellion, and Canadian peacekeepers, along with those on Isla Hermosa who remained loyal to the dysfunctional Hermosian King Aleksander, had been pushed out of the city and back to the Atlantic Ocean.
The mortar fire stopped and Reagan went back to work on saving this Hermosian soldiers life. As a trauma surgeon for the Canadian Armed Forces she had seen her share of war-torn countries. As soon as shed had her medical training shed joined up for active duty. She wanted to serve her country. To prove to herself.
To whom?
She shook that thought away and continued her work. It wouldnt matter soon. Her agreed-upon tour of duty was ending and she had to return to the attending position that was waiting for her in Toronto.
She didnt know quite what she was going to do with herself back there, besides work. During patients there was down time, card games and a camaraderie. She didnt really have any one in Toronto. The people she served with were like a family. Not like her family, though. Not really, because her real family was cold and barely in her life.
The people she served with were her family.
In Toronto shed be all alone. Again.
Toronto was her home town in the sense that she had been born there, and knew it well. She had a job waiting for her, but it wasnt really home. Her parents werent there anymore.
Her parents had retired and moved to warmer climes while shed served. They hadnt even told her that they sold her childhood home until a letter shed sent them came back marked Return to Sender.
Only the Canadian Army had ever wanted her, but she had to return to Toronto. Shed served the time shed signed up for and her leave of absence from the Toronto hospital was ending.
The friends shed made here would forget her soon enough. No relationship ever lasted and that was fine. She was used to that. She didnt want to rely on anyone.
Her parents had taught her well. Theyd always told her to make a life for herself. Not to rely on them. So she didnt.
I wish I had someone.
She was annoyed that shed let that little thought sneak in.
Get a grip on yourself, Reagan.
Now was not the time to get maudlin.
The packed cells you were looking for, a rich, deep voice said, and her body instantly reacted.
Dr. Kainan Laskaris, the foremost trauma surgeon in all of Isla Hermosa, stood beside her. Kainan always unnerved her. He made her feel exposed, vulnerable, as if he knew the pain she was hiding. Knew all her insecurities.
He was the first man in a long time to unnerve her in a good way.
Thanks, she said, barely glancing at him.
When shed first arrived there shed tried to keep him at a distance, but it had never worked. Hed wiggled his way in and, though they didnt really talk much about personal stuff, she enjoyed his company. And he was a damn fine surgeon.
He hung the unit of packed cells, calmly drowning out the chaos of the war that was going on in the background.
His presence made her very aware of how very close the quarters were in this tent, but he helped her focus. He distracted her from all that was going on outside.
How do you keep such a calm demeanor? shed asked, the first time theyd worked together on the wounded during mortar fire.
I drown it out. I ignore it. I think of it as thunder, or something else, and focus on the person in front of me. I try to picture my patients life and on my duty to return this patient to those who love him or her. Clear your mind and picture the life youre saving.
It had worked. The tactic had worked and helped her focus.
She was going to miss working with him.
Do you need help, Dr. Cote? Kainan asked, but he was already pulling on a pair of surgical gloves.
If he had been any other surgeon she would have barked orders to him, as she outranked most in her unit, but there was something about Kainan that commanded respect.
She could never turn him down, and she didnt want to. He knew what she needed in surgery without asking. He was like a second set of hands for her.
Thank you, she said. Are there no others?
No, the fighting is ending. The rebels are being driven backthats the last report that I heard.
Kainan went straight to work, helping her repair the damage to the soldier.
He shook his head and tsked in disgust. This situation should never have happened.
I agree, she responded.
She didnt know much about what had caused the once peaceful island kingdom of Isla Hermosa to erupt into revolution, but she knew it had something to do with King Aleksander, after hed been crowned after his fathers death.
The former King, Mateo, had been instrumental in aligning his kingdom with Canada, and had had a good relationship with the country and good trade agreements.
King Mateo had been a great king for more than fifty years, but his eldest son, Aleksander, was not proving to be so great.
Isla Hermosa had severed its ties with Spain five hundred years ago, so when the revolution had broken out Canada had promised to help. Isla Hermosa had called to Canada and Canada had responded.
Which was why she was there.
I hope this is over soon, she said as she finished her repair of the spleen. My orders came in last night and Im shipping out tomorrow.
So soon?
There was a hint of disappointment in Kainans voice, which made her heart skip a beat.
Dont get hung up. Its probably nothing. Youre a good surgeon and he can see that.
The mortar fire had become distant and the unit of soldiers that had been lying in wait to protect the hospital began to move. Tanks were soon going by, kicking up dust.
Reagan cursed under her breath and covered her patient again.
Kainan helped her. She was very aware of his body close to hers as they protected their patient.
I thought you would stay until the end, he said, after the roar of the tanks had died down.
They went back to work as the dust settled.
No, a new unit has come in to relieve us. Theyll stay until Isla Hermosa is back on its feet.
That could be some time, Kainan muttered darkly. I wonder if Isla Hermosa will ever recover from this.
Hopefully it will. Your country has seen enough bloodshed.
Yes. There was sadness in his voice.
She wondered if hed lost loved ones. They worked well together, and he was a brilliant surgeon, but they didnt delve much into personal issues beyond the sphere of this surgical unit.
Which was fine with her.
Even though she knew little about Kainan, there was still camaraderie between them. Theyd experienced the war together here, patching up soldiers and civilians. They were friends and shed miss him.
Even though it would be good to put some distance between them. She didnt want to do something shed regret.
Live a little.
Ive grown accustomed to working with you, he said, and those dark eyes held her captive.
It thrilled her, unnerved her, this effect he had on her.
Reagan smiled behind her surgical mask. I like working with you too, but it looks like this is the end.
Kainan nodded. I guess so.
Reagan finished her repair and began to close up. Her patient would be taken to Spain which was the closest hospital they could get to, where he would be monitored in a military hospital. At least now he would survive the journey.
They didnt say anything as they prepared the soldier for transport, loading him onto the waiting helicopter that would carry him to an American aircraft carrier. A medical plane would take the soldier on to Spain.
When Reagan pulled off her surgical mask and gloves she let out a sigh of exhaustion. She had been working straight for almost twenty-four hours, since the peacekeepers had been pushed back to the beach. It was late afternoon, and though the sun was no longer beating down on them it was still sweltering, and she had the urge to run into the ocean and cool herself off.
Except for the fact that the beach was littered with boats belonging to the allied forces coming ashore.
Kainan was staring back toward the hill where the tall, ancient city gates were. There was smoke rising from the city and he was frowning.
Im sorry, she whispered.
She wanted to tell him she knew how he felt, but really she didnt. She didnt know what it was like to lose the country of your birth. To have it mangled and everything destroyed.
She couldnt even imagine what he was going through.
You okay? Kainan asked.
Reagan closed her eyes and shook her head. You dont need to worry about me. Im just exhausted.
He cocked his head to one side, those dark brown eyes penetrating her to her very core, and she fought back the urge to run her hands through his thick chestnut curls.
I think there is more. Sadness has come over you.
I was just thinking of leaving here. I was thinking... She trailed off, getting choked up.
She didnt want to tell him that she was sad she was leaving the people she considered friends, the people who were like her family, in order to return to a lonely life in Toronto.
It had never bothered her until now.
I hate leaving a job undone. There is so much work here, but my tour is over.
He sighed and dragged his hand through his hair. Yes, there will be many pieces to pick up once the dust settles, but Isla Hermosa will rise again. There have been other wars, other strife that has hit our shores, and we have stood the test of time.
Reagan smiled and they walked in silence back to the tent. There were no more critical patients. Just those with minor wounds that were being made ready for transport off the island.
Captain Cote, youre officially off duty, said Major Smart as she came to the hospital tent. Youve done a wonderful job, but were getting ready to pull out. The next rotation is here and you need your rest.
When does my transport leave, Major? Reagan asked.
Zero one hundred. I suggest you get some restand thats an order.
Reagan saluted Major Smart and stood there for a few moments. She had been relieved of duty and at one in the morning shed leave Isla Hermosa and head back to Petawawa, before being formally and honorably discharged from the Canadian Armed Forces.
You hungry? Kainan asked. You look like you need food and rest.
I dobut dont you have to move to the front with the Hermosian Army?
Kainan shook his head, a strange expression crossing his face. Not yet. I have time. Why do you think I came here to help with the wounded when our mobile medical unit is further up the line?
Reagan smiled. Ive just got used to seeing you hanging around these last few months. Usually getting in my way.
Kainan grinned that mischievous grin which always caused her pulse to race. If they werent here in the middle of a war... But they were, and Kainan was off-limits. She was leaving in a matter of hours and she wasnt even sure that shed ever see him again.
You have a beautiful smile, Reagan.
A blush crept up her cheeks. What?
You never smile for me. Youre always so serious.
This is war. I dont feel much like smiling.
Kainan stopped and took her hand, those intense dark eyes focused on her. She wasnt used to that. She wasnt used to the attention.
You look tired, Reagan. You need sleep and food.
Im fine.
Come.
It wasnt a request, it was an order, and technically he outranked her. Kainan placed his hand on the small of her back and led her toward the mess tent.
She was so exhausted that she let him get food and a Thermos of coffee, but he didnt let her sit down at a table. Instead he led her outside.
Where are we going? Reagan asked tiredly. The beach is full of armed personnel.
Were not going to the beach. Were going to my tent. Its in a shady spot and we wont be in any danger.
There was mortar fire not that long ago, she said, falling into step beside him.
Kainan sighed. The rebels have surrendered and theres a cease-fire. We should be at peace for a while.
Kainans tent was on the edge of the Hermosian camp that bordered the Canadian forces camp. And it was in a shady spot, with camouflage netting. They took a seat down in the sand under the awning, and felt the breeze blow in off the Atlantic.
Reagan closed her eyes and let the cool air wash over her.
Here, drink this. Kainan passed her some coffee.
Im supposed to be resting.
She took a drink of the dark, sweet Hermosian coffee. She couldnt remember the last time shed been able to savor a cup of coffee. Usually she downed it quickly, burning her tongue in the process, as she tried to patch together the wounded soldiers and the unfortunate civilians whod got in the line of fire.
If you go to bed now you will be even more tired by the time your transport comes because you wont sleep when youre so stressed. Unwind and relax.
This is nice, she admitted.
I will miss you, he said out of the blue, and he smiled sadly at her. You have been a great friend and youre an amazing surgeon. Ive enjoyed working with you.
Reagan was shocked, but pleased, and she squeezed his hand. Ditto.
Really? he asked, surprised.
Of course.
You couldve fooled me. Youre so closed-off around me sometimes.
Then why will you miss me?
Kainan grinned. Because youre brave, compassionate...
You just called me closed-off, she teased.
Compassionate with your patients. You have a kind heart.
She blushed again. Thank you.
Youre also beautiful.
He ran his thumb across her knuckles. His hands were rough from the dry heat and the tough conditions, but they were strong, surgical hands. And the simple touch was both calming and exciting at the same time.
Youre the most beautiful soldier I have ever seen.
His eyes twinkled and he smiled, causing a dimple to pucker in his cheek under his stubble.
Blood heated her cheeks at the compliment. No one ever paid her compliments. She wasnt sure how to take it.
Why do you need my approval all the time, Reagan? For goodness sakes, leave me alone. You dont need validation for something that is so ordinary.
Her mothers harsh words rang in her ears.
She began to tremble, thinking about her mother and the lack of parental compassion shed had growing up.
Youre trembling. Kainan pulled her close and whispered, Why?
Tired. Thats all. She was lying, but she didnt want to think of her mother now.
Kainan held her. She buried her head in his chest, drinking in the scent of him, and the human connection she hadnt realized shed been craving calmed her.
Where are you going after we pull out? she asked, still clinging to him.
To the front lines, he said tersely. Tonight.
Her heart skipped a beat. The front lines were dangerous. Even if there was a cease-fire, the capital city of Helicia had become a tangled mess of debris, mines and IEDs. The thought of him getting hurt scared her.
Youre shivering again, he whispered as he rubbed her back.
Im just worried about you advancing tonight. She looked up at him. Itll be dangerous.
He grinned at her. I will be okay. I will worry about you too, you know.
Ill be on military transport, headed back to Canada.
Things happenand Canada is a long way away. A whole ocean divides us.
He reached out and stroked her cheek, wiping the tears from her face, and before she knew what was happening he was kissing her. Tenderly at first, and then possessively, but it felt so good and she kissed him back, gripping the collar of his tattered linen shirt as if his life and hers depended on it.
Im sorry, he whispered breathlessly against her mouth. I dont know what came over me. Ive gotten so used to being around you, seeing you every day, just the thought of not seeing you...
She should put an end to it, the kissing, but she just wanted to feel. She wanted to give in to the attraction she felt for him. The white-hot lust.
It would be once.
Just one time.
It had been so long since shed been with someone, since she had any kind of intimacy.
No apologiesand dont stop. She kissed him again, running her hands through his hair.
Reagan, we need to stop.
Why?
Im advancing and youre leaving. What future do we have?
Right now, none. But Im not asking for a future, Kainan. I just want to feel tonight. I just want a connection with you. Ive been fighting it since I met you.
He nodded, his gaze holding hers. Me as well.
So dont stop, she whispered, pulling him into another kiss which seared her very soul.
He stood to his feet, helping her up. Come.
Reagan thought that he was going to take her back to her camp, but instead he led her inside his tent, taking her in his arms.
I want you so much, Reagan. I wanted you the first moment I saw you. But I dont want to make you a promise I may not be able to keep, he whispered against her ear.
I care for you too. And you dont need to promise me anything. I just want this.
As you wish, he said, before kissing her again, making her melt into his arms completely.
* * *
It was dark outside and she could hear movement. People on the move to the front lines. She rolled over in the narrow cot that she and Kainan were sharing and glanced at her watch. It was midnight. In an hour her transport would be leaving. She had to pack up what little gear she had and get to the rendezvous point.
Kainan was already up and dressed in his uniform, which shed rarely seen him wear at the mobile hospital. It was a bit surreal, and thinking about him in danger made her stomach knot with unease.
I was just about to wake you, he said gently.
Sorry I slept so long here.
No, its okay. He leaned over and kissed her. I have to go with the next transport to the front lines. There is fighting going on in the city. More wounded. Im needed there.
I thought there was a cease-fire? she said, dressing quickly in her wrinkled clothes.
There was, but some insurgents have been found hiding in the city. It will be taken care of.
He said that with a finality which sent a shiver down her spine.
She finished dressing.
He took her in his arms and held her close.
Please be safe, she whispered, drinking in the scent of him. She wanted to remember every moment of this time with him, and she sent up a silent prayer that he would be safe.
You too, Reagan. My beautiful Reagan. I shall never forget you. Kainan kissed her. Come, wed better go.
They walked out of his tent and saw the Hermosian camp was a flurry of activity. He walked her as far as he could, to where the Canadian forces were packing up what they could, ready to join the Hermosian Army.
Ill never forget you, she said, and she wouldnt.
How could she forget him? A man who had seemed to see past her fa?ade. A dangerous and yet gentle man, and one heck of a surgeon.
A man shed been proud to serve with.
Ditto.
He kissed her hand one last time and then headed toward a large transporter that was waiting for him. He climbed up into the back of the armored vehicle and waved at her as the truck rumbled away into the darkness toward the front lines.
Please keep him safe.
Reagan headed back to the tent she shared with another surgeon. She packed up her kit bag and then waited for her transport.
It was past 1:00 a.m. when the radio in the mess hall crackled to life.
Explosion. Hermosian medical transport attacked. All personnel dead.
The words hit her like a rock and her stomach knotted. She closed her eyes and bit her lip as the words hit her.
Maybe it wasnt Kainans transport?
She wanted to stay and find out if his name was on the list, but her transport came then.
She was airlifted to the waiting Canadian vessel which would take her back home. She was assigned her berth, but as soon as shed set her bag down she found the nearest commanding officer from her unit.
General Travis, do you have a list of casualties from that Hermosian medical transport?
General Travis shook his head. No, not a full list, but I know who youre asking about and Im sorry, Captain Cote. I know that you worked with Dr. Laskaris, but his name is on the list of those who perished. His dog tags were found and not much else. An IED near the palace went off.
Reagans stomach twisted and she ran to the side of the boat, losing what little food shed managed to eat since leaving Kainan and arriving on the transport, over the side of the ship.
General Travis patted her back. Im sorry, Captain.
She nodded, and managed to keep the tears at bay.
This was why she kept people at distance, why she never let anyone in. Because in an instant they could be taken from you. They left. They died.
Kainan had wormed his way in past her defenses and now he was gone.
She was alone.
Completely alone.
She should have known better. She was meant to be alone.
It was easier that way.
Chapter One (#uea923d57-6a79-5041-9066-0cfaee4d22e4)
A year later, Toronto
REAGAN WALKED THROUGH the halls of the hospital in a daze. There wasnt enough coffee in the world to wake her up. It had been a long shift at the hospital and then her infant son had a bad night. The cot in her sons hospital room in the pediatric critical care unit wasnt exactly comfortable, and she could use a break to go home and have a shower.
The problem was there was no one to give her a break.
It was just her and Peter in the world.
A year ago shed spent an unforgettable night in Kainans arms. A night that she would cherish forever. Then hed gone to the front lines and died for his country.
Shed come back to her life in Toronto, empty and alone.
Although it had turned out she was not completely alone, because her one night with Kainan had resulted in pregnancy.
It was the best gift.
A piece of Kainan.
A child.
Someone to love.
And she wasnt going to make Peter feel like a mistake, the way her parents had made her feel.
Nothing shed ever done had pleased them.
Her father had never wanted kids. When her mother had got pregnant with Reagan hed stuck around, but he had always been distant. Over time, her mother had come to resent her for causing such distance in her marriage.
There had been times when shed got shreds of love and affection from her mother, but it they had been few and far between.
Shed thought maybe being grandparents would soften her parents hearts.
Shed been wrong.
When shed told her mother about the situationabout the baby and the father dyingher mothers response had been heartless. Painful.
Get rid of the problem, Reagan. You cant raise a baby on your own.
Im not getting rid of the baby, Mother.
Then what do you want from me, Reagan?
Honestly, she didnt know. Some part of her had hoped her mother would change, but she should have known better.
Reagan had always been a burden to them. And her getting pregnant overseas on a mission was just another disappointment for her parents. They were even more disappointed that shed kept the baby.
As soon as Reagan had found out she was pregnant shed vowed that shed protect Peter. Shed give him the love she had never had, the compassion she had to learn by herself.
No one would hurt Peter. Ever.
Her parents had never cared about her. Theyd only taken care of her because they were legally obligated to do so.
Ive never run from my mistakes, Reagan. Thats why I took care of you. At the time, abortion wasnt an option.
Reagan was a mistake. It hurt to hear it time and time again.
She focused on the lukewarm coffee she was drinking.
A baby had never been in her plan, but she was responsible for her actions. There were plenty of single parents out there, going it alone. And she would do the same. She would never let Peter feel as if he was an obligation or a mistake.
But what should have been one of the most joyous days of her life, when Peter was born, had quickly turned into her worst nightmare.
In all her years as an intern and then a resident in hospital, and then her time in the field with the Canadian military, serving as a trauma surgeon during natural disasters and being tossed into the fray of war zones, shed seen many sick children. Critically ill children. It had always been a deep-rooted fear of hers that one day, if she ever had a child, something might happen to that child.
She had never been able to handle the thought of it.
And then it had happened.
Shed had Peter.
Let me see him! shed cried, relieved that the birth was over.
Only none of the doctors had answered her. Marisa, her OB/GYN, hadnt looked at her. It was in that moment that Reagan had realized the baby wasnt crying. There wasnt a sound coming from him at all.
Whats wrong? Reagan had asked.
Shed craned her neck as Marisa had turned back to her, watching the pediatrician on call with her baby in his hands, blue-grey and barely moving.
It had only been a couple of hours later when shed learned that her baby had cardiomyopathy and would be staying in the hospital indefinitely. The only reminder of her and Kainans time together was placed on the list for UNOS and would be staying there while he waited for a new heart.
The nursery she had so painstakingly started to prepare in her small apartment before his birth was still unused, and she hadnt been able to look at it the few fleeting times shed managed to get home.
Dont think about itand dont think about Kainan.
Even a year since his death often Kainan crept into her thoughts because Peter looked like him so much. And she couldnt help but wonder what it would have been like had Kainan lived.
Reagan had had a couple of relationships before Kainan, but theyd failed because of herbecause she couldnt trust. At the back of her mind she was terrified shed disappoint, that shed never be good enough and her heart would be broken. Again.
It was better this way.
She was better off alone.
Reagan, you look like you didnt get a wink of sleep!
Reagan rubbed her tired, sore eyes and saw the Chief of Surgery leaning over the central desk, where hed been studying a chart.
Michael McNeil had been so understanding. Hed trained her as a resident, and encouraged her into the Canadian Armed Forces to expand her skills, and since shed announced her pregnancy and Peters birth hed been accommodating, knowing she needed to work. Right now he was looking at her with pity. Like most people. She hated pity.
We need better cots on the NICU floor, she mumbled, stifling a yawn.
Are you going to be able to work with this new doctor? he asked.
Reagan nodded. She needed this job. It was more pay, and not so much time spent doing surgical rounds. Right now she couldnt do a lot of surgery. A call about a heart might come in at any time, and she needed to be near Peter.
Peter was all she had.
She really needed sleep, but right now she needed work more. It kept her sane. And she was looking forward to this new job. It was more flexible.
Yeah, Im good. She walked to the other side of the central desk and poured herself another cup of coffee into a plastic cup and capped it.
Good. I know things have been hard
She held up her hand to cut the chief off. Michael, Im okay. I need the work. I love the work. And Peter is not that far away. Besides, Im the only staff member available who knows American Sign Language.
And you worked in Isla Hermosa as well, Michael said, setting down his chart.
Reagans heart skipped a beatwhich was silly. The new specialist is from Isla Hermosa?
Michael nodded. The Canadian government is giving him asylum. His work is important. Thats all I know. And hes a brilliant teacher. I think he will be an asset to our medical students.
I wonder if I worked with him? Reagan said, taking another sip of the bitter coffee. The caffeine was doing its job. There had been many other Hermosian physicians out in the field whom shed worked alongside, but none had been like Kainan.
No one will ever be like Kainan.
She couldnt think about him now.
I dont know, but the Canadian government was very adamant that he should be given asylum here, and after chatting with him over email Im very excited to have him on board.
Im looking forward to meeting him, said Reagan. To become a surgical consultant when you cant speakthats impressive.
She couldnt recall any nonverbal surgeons out in the field on Isla Hermosa. Of course it had been a war zone. Everything was a bit blurry about her experience. Except...
Well, he could speak before. He was injured at the front and a badly placed endotracheal tube damaged his vocal cords. Im told he can speak a bitbut not much, and not for long periods of time. He will be getting corrective surgery here before the New Year, but for now youll help him.
Of course, she agreed. She would be happy to. Does he know about my son and my need for flexibility?
No, Michael said. I told him you needed a flexible schedule, but I thought it best if you tell him about Peter if you want to.
She breathed a sigh of relief. Thanks.
It was exhausting, constantly explaining Peters condition to people. It drained her. The new surgeon didnt need to know about Peter, he just needed to know she needed flexibilitywhich Michael had taken care of.
Reagan fell into step beside Michael as they walked toward his office, where she would meet this Hermosian doctor and they could get to work.
So, my job consists of interpreting American Sign Language to the students so he doesnt overtax his voice?
Michael nodded. You can use my office to draw up your plans. The first medical students will be coming at oneafter the lunch rotation.
Reagan nodded. Sounds good, Chief.
Michael smiled, and then said softly, You know were all here for you, Reagan. If theres anything more we can do...
Reagan gave Michael a quick nod. She appreciated it, but she didnt want pity or help. Too many people pitied her, and she was tired of it. She was still a surgeon. She was still Reagan Cote, even if it sometimes didnt feel that way.
Im good.
Are you sure? Michael asked, and there again was that expression of pity that she loathed, directed toward her.
She couldnt push Michael away like she did so many. He had been her mentor when she was resident. Hed taught her compassion and patient care. Things she hadnt been able to learn from her parents. When shed started her bedside manner had been atrocious, but Michael had guided her, and he had been the one who welcomed her back with open arms when shed finished her tour of duty.
I appreciate it so much, Michael. You know that, but Im fine. Let me workit keeps me busy.
Michael gave her a quick kiss on the top of her head and whispered, Hell pull through.
She nodded, blinking back the tears that always threatened to fall when someone started talking about Peter and his condition. Tears that she had learned to swallow because she had to be strong for Peter.
And for herself.
She had to be tough. There was no time for weeping or sorrow. If she gave in to the grief that she was actually feeling she would collapse and be useless.
This new assignment had come at the perfect time. Even though it would take her off her precious surgical rotation, it would keep her at the hospital.
It would keep her busy and close to Peter.
And that was the most important thing.
You okay? Michael asked.
Perfectly.
Reagan plastered on the fake smile she was used to wearing. The one shed perfected when she was a small girl, because her father had liked her just a bit better when shed smiled, and had been nicer to her mother when Reagan had smiled and behaved.
Michael nodded and then opened the door.
Reagan stepped in, seeing the Hermosian doctor had his back to her. Something tugged at the corner of her mind, but she couldnt sift through the fogor maybe she was having a hard time seeing. Maybe she was so sleep-deprived that this was just a dream.
She began to tremble.
Dr. Kainan LaskarisI would like to introduce you to Dr. Reagan Cote, who will be working with you here at the hospital.
The ghost turned around, those dark, expressive eyes of his hollow and wide with shock. The beautifully chiseled face was marred with scars, and on his throat she could see where they had put the botched endotracheal tube. It was almost as if his throat had been slit, the scar was so bad. The dark brown curls were tamed, and streaked with silver. Hed aged. The war had aged him. But he was still devastatingly handsome.
He opened his mouth, as if to say something, but then snapped it shut. And his lips pressed together firmly, as if he was angry.
Her coffee shook in the cup she was gripping so tightly. Her world was spinning and her tight rein on those emotions shed become so darn good at locking away had gone slack.
She was losing control.
Never lose control, Reagan. Dont show your weakness to anyone or theyll take advantage of you.
Her mothers voice was screaming in her head.
Kainan? her voice finally squeaked out in disbelief.
You two know each other? Michael asked.
She waited for that deep, rich voice to answer, Si. That affirmation had always made her go a bit weak in the knees.
But of course it couldnt.
His voice had been taken from him.
Instead he just nodded quickly and looked away. As if he was annoyed she was there.
We worked together on Isla Hermosa during my last tour of duty, Reagan answered, steadying her hand so Michael wouldnt see her tremble. And we worked well together.
Michael looked visibly relieved. Im glad to hear it! Well, Ill leave you two to it. Im sure you have a lot of catching up to do.
Reagan didnt even see Michael leave. She just heard the door shut, her gaze focused on Kainan. The man shed thought was dead.
He stared back at her, but he didnt smile at her the way hed used to. There was no twinkle in his eyes. Just darkness. It was cold. It didnt faze her, didnt hurt her. She was used to people looking at her that way. It did sting a little, and it gave her confirmation that Kainan was like all the other men shed met. Like her father. Cold and distant.
Youre alive. It wasnt so much a question as it was a statement of fact, because shed thought hed died.
Clearly, he signed in American Sign Language, barely looking at her.
They told me you had died.
His expression softened briefly. Im sorry. There was a lot of confusion at first. I was reported dead for days...
Your medical transport was attacked and they found your dog tags in the rubble.
Again, there was a lot of confusion.
It was obvious that he wasnt going to give any further information about it.
Reagan sat down on one of the chairs at the table in Michaels office. There was a stack of materials there. New orientation information for Kainan. She needed to keep busy and not think about why he never reached out to her.
Has anyone explained all this stuff to you? she asked as she quickly scanned the binder full of information. If she kept busy she could ignore the racing of her pulse, her trembling hands, the urge to hug him and cry because he was alive.
He shook his head and took a seat across from her. Then he cleared his throat. Best...come...from...you.
His voice was broken, harsh and guttural. And color bloomed in his cheeks. It was either embarrassment or anger, and knowing Kainan it was most likely anger.
She knew how much he liked to be in control of every situation. Hed commanded all those around him during surgery, and those working with him had followed him blindly.
When he lost control he got angry, but that would drive him to work harder to solve the problem and regain control.
He was an amazing surgeon.
And this loss of control...
She could only imagine what he was going through. She liked control in her life, but shed learned a humble lesson when Peter was born. Control was just an illusion.
Reagan had to admit that she was angry too. That he was alive and hadnt let her know. Hed known where she was going. Hed known so much about her. Why hadnt he reached out?
Only she couldnt think about that right now. Shed swallow the anger she had and do her job. Keep moving forward as she had always done. If she stopped for a second everything would fall apart.
Okay, she said, setting her half-empty coffee cup down and opening up the materials. We can do this together.
Is there anyone else? he signed.
The words were like a slap. He didnt want her here. She realized his body language was more than just embarrassment or anger over his situation. He was annoyed that she was here, helping him.
Her spine stiffened.
She should have known his attention to her back then had just been seduction. He didnt want to see her again. Hed just been using her.
You wanted it too.
Well, she wasnt going to let him shove her aside. She had a job to do, and anyway shed got the best part of him. She had Peter, and she didnt regret that for anything.
No, there is no one else. I am the only doctor here who can interpret American Sign Language and whos free to support you. Now she was really annoyed with him. She wasnt going to let him ruin this job for her.
Fine, he signed. He crossed his arms and leaned back in the chair. His gaze was fixed on her, but instead of anger or annoyance, like before, there was bit of humor. Some smugness.
She wanted to wipe that off his face. What? she snapped.
I forgot how prickly you get. How fast your walls go up.
The twinkle she knew so well returned to his eyes. It was meant to lighten the mood, but she wasnt in the mood for that.
I get prickly when people are acting like jerks.
Sorry. He spoke, his voice now barely a whisper.
Reagan shut the binder and, though she knew she was going to regret it, she had to ask. Why dont you want to work with me?
* * *
The question caught him off guard. Of course this whole situation had caught him off guard. Hed known that Reagan was Canadian, but hadnt realized that she worked at this hospital, in this city. Canada was a large country. Hed chosen this hospital simply because Dr. Shaw, his otolaryngologist was here.
He hadnt known that Reagan was here. And he hadnt known that she knew American Sign Language or that she would be working in the education part of the hospital. Hed have thought she would be on the surgical floor, wherever she worked, which was where he wanted to be, but couldnt be any longer.
How could a man with no voice convey what he needed to his surgical staff during an emergency situation? He couldnt, so his surgical career was over.
Of course that wasnt the only reason his career was over.
His throat tightened at the thought of why it was over. It always tightened when his stress levels rose, and he was certainly stressed now.
Seeing Reagan again was a shock.
And hed had to hold himself back, because his first reaction when hed seen her had been to run to her and take her in his arms and kiss her. But this wasnt the time or place.
Nowhere was the time or place.
Still, seeing her again had brought back so many memories. Even though theyd served during a wara brutal war which had torn his country apartworking alongside her had been some of the happiest moments of his life.
He loved his country, but being called back to serve had been painful. Since his mother had died Isla Hermosa had reminded him only of loneliness and pain.
Reagan had brought back joy into his life.
One of the hardest things hed had to do in his life was to leave her behind, knowing that she was going back home to her country and that he was going to the front lines. That he might never see her again.
It had nearly broken him, but it had been for the best that shed left when all was said and done. Now circumstances had changed and they could never be together. Hed never trap her the way his mother had been trapped in her marriage to his father.
Still, he wanted Reaganeven though he shouldnt. Their year apart had done nothing to extinguish the flames of passion that he felt for her.
He still wanted her.
That long, silky brown hair that was so neatly tied back. The long, graceful neck that hed once run his hands over. And those lips hed kissed and wanted to taste again.
Only he couldnt now. Not because hed lost his voice, but because he would never, ever put her inside the dangerous situation he now found himself in.
He was a displaced king, of a country that was precarious and about to sink into oblivion, and he couldnt bring her into that situation.
There were people who wanted to assassinate him. And he would gladly take a bullet for his country, because he felt responsible for Isla Hermosas downfall.
He hadnt been able to control his late brother. Kainan had tried, but his brother had ruined the country in six months after their father had ruled gracefully for fifty years.
Now Kainan was King of a broken, bleeding country. And instead of being there he was here in Canada. First in Ottawa, to recuperate from all the injuries that hed sustained when the palace had been attacked, and now here at this hospital in Toronto, working and waiting for surgery that might or might not return his voice to him. Surgery he might not survive due to the damage in his throat.
Still, he needed a voice to rule. As King, he had a duty to his countrya tradition to uphold and a service which had so depressed his mother and made her feel trapped.
His father had been a great king, but cold, and protocol had come first. Kainan had watched his mother take second place to Isla Hermosa.
So, no, he couldnt drag Reagan into that. The crown would die out with him. And maybe it was better that way.
Whats first? he signed.
Have you got your hospital identification yet? she asked, leafing through all the papers from Human Resources that Kainan had just skimmed.
No. I havent got that yet.
Okay, well fill out this paperwork and
Kainan touched her arm and got her attention. Why arent you practicing surgery?
I told you. Im the only one fluent in American Sign Language here who has room in her schedule to assist you.
So this is a punishment for you?
What?
Surgery was your life.
She frowned, and continued to leaf through the binder. It still is, but I was asked to do this and She was interrupted by a knock at the door. Yes?
A nurse stuck her head round the door. Im sorry to interrupt, Dr. Cote, but its Peter.
Reagans expression changed. She frowned, looking worried as she slammed the binder shut. Ill be right up.
The nurse nodded and shut the door.
Im sorry, Kainan. Ill try to be as fast as I can but...it could take a while.
Is it a patient? he asked.
Reagan sighed sadly. Her expression was tired, broken, and Kainan couldnt help but wonder who Peter was. Was Peter her husband?
That brief, fleeting thought of her with another man enraged him. It made him jealous to think of another man loving her.
Not that he deserved to feel any sense of jealousy when it came to Reagan. Hed given up those rights when hed let her go in Isla Hermosa.
No, its not a patient. Then she sighed again and looked almost as if she was going to be sick. Kainan, Im... Hes my son. Peter is my son.
She stood up to leave, her body tense.
Kainan was shocked, and sat back as reality sank in. He hoarsely asked, Your son?
And then it dawned on himbecause he knew that she hadnt had a child when she was serving alongside him in Isla Hermosa.
A cold tendril of dread unfurled in his belly. He jumped up and stood in front of her, blocking her escape and he cleared his throat. How. Old?
Hes three months now. Hes your son, Kainan.
Reagan didnt offer any other explanation.
* * *
Never trust women, Kainan. Never. Your mother tried to hide you from me when she wanted to divorce me, but you were a prince of Isla Hermosa. She had no right to do that. But she did try. Women are fickle. They are not devoted, they only think of themselves. Never trust them. Close your heart to them or youll be hurt!
Kainan didnt want to hear his late fathers voice in his head. Hed been a fine king, but a terrible husband and father.
Still, Reagan hadnt told him he had a son.
I have to go and check on him. Kainan, please move.
Numb, he stepped to the side so she could open the door.
Of course Kainan was going to let her go, but he needed more answers. His son? It couldnt be. Why was his son at the hospital? Why was a nurse taking care of him?
He dashed after Reagan, cursing himself inwardly because he couldnt call out to her to stop, but he caught up with her quickly and grabbed her arm, holding on to her.
She tried to shrug out of his grip until she saw it was him and relaxed.
My son? he signed.
Yes.
Why didnt you tell me I had a son? Were you trying to hide him from me? He instantly regretted the words. They were so much like something his father would have said.
Her eyes narrowed. I thought you were dead. They told me you were dead. I wouldnt hide him from youyou know that.
He wanted to believe that, but his own mother had tried to hide him from his father when she was pregnant.
I never wanted you locked away in the palace, Kainan. I didnt want you locked away like me. I tried to leave, but I couldnt hide you from him either, his mother had said on her death bed. I just wanted us to be happy. To be free. I didnt want you to grow up with him as a father.
Why? Hed felt as if his life was a prison sentence. He was guarded and watched all the time, and though surrounded by people hed always felt alone. Why did you tell him?
I had to. I loved him. His mother had sighed. I am sorry I am leaving you. You will never be free. Even as the spare. You will never be your own man. I wanted more for you, Kainan. Im sorry.
His mother had died then, and his father had told him woman werent to be trusted.
Never trust a woman, Kainan. Never.
Kainan rubbed his temple, where a pounding headache was brewing.
Reagan didnt hide your son from you. She thought you were dead.
That was little consolation to him at this moment.
I have to go see him, Reagan whispered.
What is wrong with him? he asked as they waited for the elevator.
Cardiomyopathy. There was a glitter of moisture in her eyes as she cleared her throat. He was born that way. He was born with a failing heart.
Oh, God.
His heart sank. It was too much. Hed learned he was a father and that his son was dying all in the same day.
He was no fool. He knew the severity of cardiomyopathy in a child.
Run. Turn and leave.
But he couldnt do that either. He was not the cold, unfeeling man his father had been.
The elevator dinged as the doors opened, and they stood to the side as people got off, before getting in.
Kainan didnt say anything as they rode in silence. Everything was still sinking in.
He had a son.
And his son was the Crown Prince of Isla Hermosa.
He felt bad for inflicting that burden on him. And his son was ill. Cardiomyopathy in an infant was horrific, and Kainan could only assume that he was on the UNOS wait list for a new heart, because that was his only chance at life.
Reagan led him to the NICU, giving him a disposable gown and mask. He didnt really hear anything that anyone was saying as he was led into the room.
In the far corner stood an incubator that was covered with a blue blanket.
His heart was hammering.
He had never wanted a child. He didnt want to sentence any child to a life where he couldnt live, where he was under constant scrutiny. Hed never wanted a family. Relationships didnt work. His father and late brother had shown him that. He didnt want to trap a woman the way his mother had been trapped.
Reagan raised the blue blanket and Kainan gasped as he saw a baby with dark hair. A baby who looked like him and Reagan.
A baby hooked up to a machine.
His heart ached to hold him. It was instant love. It surprised him.
This child was the future of his country. But how could a voiceless king and a broken-hearted crown prince rule a country that was already broken and bleeding?
His heart shattered and guilt washed over him. Reagan had done this on her own. He hadnt been there. Hed failed her. Hed failed them both.
All Kainan could do was turn and leave.
His heart was breaking along with his sons.
Chapter Two (#uea923d57-6a79-5041-9066-0cfaee4d22e4)
THERE WAS SUCH a flurry of activity that Reagan forgot Kainan had followed her in. When Peter was stable again, and shed spoken to the doctors, she turned to introduce Kainan to Peters team. But Kainan had slipped out.
Where did he go?
That was her first thought, and then she was disappointed that hed left. He hadnt even come over to the incubator. Shed lifted the blanket and hed looked once, before shed turned her attention to the nurse. Then shed drowned out everything else. Her main focus had been her son.
With every day that she stepped through those doors, rinsing her hands, a deep, dark part of her told her over and over again that any future with her son became darker and darker.
The other part of herthe part that had sustained her since shed found out she was carrying Kainans childtold her not to give up hope.
To keep going.
To be strong.
To drown out everything else and pour all that she had into her son.
And that was what she did. Day after day since he was born.
She had no other choice.
So she hadnt noticed when Kainan had left because hed never been there before. She was used to being on her own.
Reagan turned back to Sophie, Peters nurse in the PCCU. Im only a text away.
Sophie nodded. Sorry for dragging you away from your work. I know your first priority is to work with the new Hermosian doctor.
My first priority is Peter. Always.
Reagan smiled and gave Sophies arm a squeeze. She wanted to tell Sophie that Kainan was Peters father, but she couldnt really form the words. Like Sophie, everyone in the hospital had been told that Peters father was dead.
And that was not the case.
Kainan was alive. Hed have rights over Peter. She would no longer be in complete control. Kainan would have a say, and that made her nervous. Kainan might return to Isla Hermosa. What if he wanted to take Peter with him?
Dont think about it now.
She didnt want to make herself sick with worry.
You okay, Reagan? Sophie asked.
Yes. Im fine. Ill swing by later, Sophie, if I dont hear from you before then.
Okay, Reagan.
Sophie turned back to the incubator and Reagan sent a mental kiss to her boy, since at the moment she couldnt actually kiss him. Shed only kissed him once, before he was intubated.
Her heart ached at the thought that maybe shed never be able to really kiss him, see his eyes open and look at her in wonder.
Focus. Find Kainan.
Once she was out of the PCCU she peeled off the disposable gown and mask, tossing them in the nearest receptacle. She was contemplating how she was going to page Kainan when she saw that he was pacing at the end of a dead-end hall near the PCCU.
All the annoyance and anger shed briefly had for him walking out on their son melted away. She put herself in Kainans shoes. Hed just learned he had a son and that same son was gravely ill.
She remembered how shed felt when shed found out that Peter was so ill. When theyd whisked him away from her. When she hadnt heard any wail when he was born and shed been left alone.
Still, he had left.
You left? she said gently.
Kainans dark eyes were a bit wild, and he ran his hand through his thick, dark curls. He nodded and signed, Sorry.
It was a lot to take in. Im sorry I didnt prepare you better.
Hard to prepare for that. Hard to prepare for learning about a son you never knew you had. He closed his eyes.
Are you okay?
I will be fine. The question is, are you? Are you okay?
The question took her aback, because she wasnt fine. How could she be fine? Her son was ill, Kainan was alive, and she needed sleep. No, she wasnt fine.
Im okay. Liar. I shouldve told you sooner.
You didnt even know I was alive until earlier today.
True.
They both smiled then, and a bit of the tension melted away.
Whats wrong with him? Kainan signed finally. You said before, but...
Cardiomyopathy. The word stuck in her throat. She rarely said it out loud, because if she said it out loud it became real. And she didnt want it to be real.
She was deluding herself. It was very realand scary.
At least she didnt have to explain what cardiomyopathy was to Kainan. He understood the gravity of the situation.
Is he on the transplant list?
Yes. Were waiting.
How terrible for you. How do you do it?
A spark of anger flared up in her. It was an innocent enough remark, but it had cut her to the quick.
How do you do it?
How could she not? There was really no choice in the matter. Just one foot in front of the other.
Theres no choice, she said wearily.
No. I suppose not. Kainan scrubbed a hand over his face. He didnt sign anything else.
Reagan was waiting for him to sign Im sorry I wasnt there for you. Or Let me help, but he didnt offer any of these things.
Instead he signed, Is he stable now? Can we get back to work?
It was a slap to the facebut then again a lot of stuff had happened to Kainan in a very short span of time. Still, he hadnt even asked their sons name.
Dont take it personally. Its a lot to process.
Shed been disappointed before. Countless times, when her parents had been too busy for her.
I need help, Mom. Please. Im tired and Peter is sick...
It was your choice to have the baby, Reagan. I told you to get rid of it.
Her mothers callous words still haunted her.
Whats wrong? Kainan signed.
Nothing.
Your expression says otherwise.
Hes stable, she said, answering Kainan and yet ignoring his questioning.
Good.
There was a hint of relief on his face, but only a brief hint. Reagan hoped it was in regard to their son, but again shed been disappointed before.
Lets get back to Michaels office and well go through everything, she offered.
Kainan nodded and fell into step beside her. There was silence between them, which was good, because right now she was having a hard time to keeping it all together.
* * *
Kainan listened to Reagan go over protocols and some other things that he couldnt seem to focus on. All he could think about was taking care of Reagan and Peter. Doing his duty to them.
Even though it would kill him to trap them both in royal protocol.
If his brother had still been alive there wouldnt be this guilt about forcing Reagan into this life Kainan never wanted. He was the spare, so hes pursued medicine in order to escape Isla Hermosa. Hed gone to medical school in Switzerland and worked there. Hed been happy.
He hadnt ever planned on returning to Isla Hermosa after his brother became King, but then war had broke out and his brother had been killed.
Kainans freedom had evaporated then. It had been obliterated.
Inside he was screaming and raging, but if he tried to let it all out there would be no sound, and that made him rage all the more at his own stupidity. Yet he still wanted Reagan, and now his son. Shed been alone. She shouldnt have been alone.
I should never have let Reagan go.
If hed have been with her... He didnt finish that thought, because it wouldnt have changed the outcome at all.
Their son would have been born with cardiomyopathy anyway. That was if hed survived being born in a war-torn country. The thought made his stomach clench. He tried not to think about it.
Alek, you have to surrender. Its done. Too many lives have been lost!
I will not surrender! Father never wouldve backed down.
He would if innocent blood was being spilled. What youre doing is folly!
You just want the crown for yourself, Kainan. I know you.
You dont know me. Youre completely absurd. I never wanted this. Never.
Then why are you here?
To save your life. Youre my brother, Alek...
Im your half brother.
Half, thenbut still Im here to save you.
Why?
Because Father loved you. Im doing this for Father.
Alek had sneered and shaken his head.
Always trying to please Father. But hes dead and I am King. I will always be King.
Kainan shook those thoughts away. They were treading on dangerous ground. They were threatening his control. Hed tried to save his half brothers life before Alek had been overthrown. Hed been trying to drag Alek out of the palace to safety just before the IED had gone off in the throne room.
Kainan had survived the blast, but had lost his voice for his brother...his King.
In the end his brother hadnt survived after the explosion. So it had all been for naught.
Which now made him King and his critically ill son his heir.
His son who was dying.
Kainan, are you okay?
He turned and saw Reagan was looking up from the piles of paperwork.
Overwhelmed? she asked gently.
He smiled. Under... Only he couldnt finish the word because his throat closed up, He felt humiliated by it.
Her expression softened. Statement? Understatement?
Then she smiled. That warm and friendly open smile which had won him over. Shed always tried to act so strong, but when hed seen her smile at wounded soldiers, offering them compassion, hed been won over time and time again. Reagan had reminded him of his mothernot in looks, but in strength and fortitude.
His mother Ariana had been compassionate, strong, independent. Shed loved his father, even though his father hadnt seemed able to love her back in the same way.
When his mother had died hed been so lonely. There had been no love in the palace. His father had stood on formality. As had his elder half brother Alek. Only his mother had given him affection.
Reagan hadnt known he was a prince. Shed been so honest. So warm. Hed craved that warmth. Needed it like air. Shed treated him like everyone else on the unit and with her hed been himself. There had been no formality. No protocol. It had been nice to be himself for a change, instead of Prince Kainan.
If there hadnt been a war... If he was still the spare...
He didnt want to drag her into the tumultuous situation that was still happening in his country. Still, shed borne his child and she would be in danger if word got out. If he married her he could protect her. He had to do right by her, even though that would mean her life wouldnt be her own anymore. Even though he would be condemning her.
Yes. That. He rubbed his temples, felt his throat tightening again.
Im sorry theres so much. I swear were almost done with the orientation.
Can we take a break? he signed.
She cocked an eyebrow. A break?
Coffee?
He had to get out of this room. He felt as if he was suffocating again. Like when hed woken up after the blast and not been able to breathe, with a tube in his throat, burns on his body.
Okay...
She seemed unsure. Confused.
He was confused tooabout this whole situation.
When hed felt this way in the past, surgery and practicing medicinehis workhad helped him get through so much. Saving lives made sense to him. It made sense of this mixed-up world.
And he couldnt do that anymore. He couldnt be a proper surgeon because he couldnt speak, and couldnt sign when his hands were busy. He couldnt lead his broken country for the same reason. He was trapped in limbo.
They walked in silence to the coffee cart.
Even though there were Hermosian guards all through this hospital, and he was being monitored by the Canadian government, no one besides those watching him for his own protection knew he was King.
.
.
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Amy Ruttan
A family by New Years Eve?Reagan Cote left war-torn Hermosa thinking the gorgeous surgeon shed shared a brief affair with was lost on the frontline. So she clung to the child she was carrying.While Kainan Laskaris voice is damaged, hes alive. And when he finds Reagan in Toronto and discovers hes dad to their sick baby boy, he asks her to marry him. Now hes King of Hermosa, he needs a queen and heir, but before shell accept, Kainan must prove that marrying Reagan means more than claiming his kingdom.
A family by New Years Eve?
Reagan Cote left war-torn Hermosa thinking the gorgeous surgeon shed shared a brief affair with was lost on the front line. So she clung to the child she was carrying.
While Kainan Laskariss voice is damaged, hes alive. And when he finds Reagan in Toronto and discovers hes dad to their sick baby boy, he asks her to marry him. Now hes king of Hermosa, he needs a queen and heir, but before shell accept, Kainan must prove that marrying Reagan means more than claiming his kingdom.
Dear Reader (#uea923d57-6a79-5041-9066-0cfaee4d22e4),
Thank you for picking up a copy of The Surgeon Kings Secret Baby.
I have to say this book was one of the hardest books Ive ever had to write, because of the piece of me that goes into writing all my books. It was emotional. Still, this story needed to be toldbut I can tell you it was a challenge, writing a book with a hero who had no voice!
Kainan has had a lot put on his shoulders, and his life is changed after the war that broke out in his countryas lives are always changed after war.
Reagan has never really had love, but she finds something special with Kainan and then thinks shes lost it.
Writing about strong heroines is one of my favourite things to do. I was always taught to be strong and independent, and what Reagan endures when she gives birth to her medically fragile son alone is what makes her a superhero in my eyes.
I remember vividly being in Reagans shoes, but thankfully my son didnt have the severity of illness that Reagans son did.
I hope you enjoy Kainan and Reagans second chance at happiness.
I love hearing from readers, so please drop by my website amyruttan.com (http://www.amyruttan.com) or give me a shout on Twitter @ruttanamy (https://twitter.com/ruttanamy?lang=en).
With warmest wishes,
Amy Ruttan
The Surgeon Kings Secret Baby
Amy Ruttan
www.millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk)
Books by Amy Ruttan
Mills & Boon Medical Romance
Christmas in Manhattan
Navy Doc on Her Christmas List
Royal Spring Babies
His Pregnant Royal Bride
Hot Latin Docs
Alejandros Sexy Secret
The Hollywood Hills Clinic
Perfect Rivals...
Sealed by a Valentines Kiss
His Shock Valentines Proposal
Craving Her Ex-Army Doc
Convenient Marriage, Surprise Twins
Visit the Author Profile page
at millsandboon.co.uk (http://millsandboon.co.uk) for more titles.
This book is dedicated to all the mothers waiting
next to their childs hospital bed. Waiting for a miracle.
And this book is also dedicated to all those doctors
out there who perform those miracles on tiny humans.
Thank you.
Contents
Cover (#u9087f426-8493-52ef-98d2-e8feffabcc7d)
Back Cover Text (#uca6a6195-4e2c-51c7-9edd-6df8076e56f8)
Dear Reader (#u4183e7b6-f575-58bf-b3c4-88567a62241e)
Title Page (#u30ec4d54-d828-5423-bdc3-64950896bd10)
Booklist (#u256a2422-753a-5a1a-9b82-341b4581d6fd)
Dedication (#u11cef62d-78a3-56ca-b393-96c28c480a7b)
Prologue (#u5adb2659-943a-5268-9f41-0c014a6dde02)
Chapter One (#u5450df07-cd2f-5100-8166-4f5d65a0e567)
Chapter Two (#ub143fd16-2a9d-5abd-bf9a-3ca663591c61)
Chapter Three (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Four (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Five (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Six (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Seven (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Eight (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Nine (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Ten (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Eleven (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Twelve (#litres_trial_promo)
Epilogue (#litres_trial_promo)
Extract (#litres_trial_promo)
Copyright (#litres_trial_promo)
Prologue (#uea923d57-6a79-5041-9066-0cfaee4d22e4)
Isla Hermosawar-torn country
I NEED A unit of packed cellsstat! Reagan shouted over her shoulder. But no sooner had the words left her mouth than another explosion rocked the mobile hospital unit.
She had a wounded man open on her table, and instinctively she threw her body over her patients to try and prevent dust and debris from entering into the exposed body cavity.
After working in this war-torn place for over a year, throwing herself over a patient came as second nature. It shouldnt have to, but such was the nature of war.
Isla Hermosa had been a beautiful, peaceful country once. A paradise in the Atlantic for vacation-goers. A country founded by Spanish and Greek settlers over seven hundred years ago, full of pristine beaches and tall palm trees.
Now the beach they were on just held the charred remains of its tall palms, and the blue sky was blackened with plumes of smoke rising from the capital. Dust filled the hot air, making it hard to breathe. There was no relief.
It was not ideal to be operating out in the open like this, but it was stiflingly hot on the beach, and being closed up in a tent in this humidity would not make matters any better. What they needed was a hospital, but that was impossible. Most of Isla Hermosa had been taken over by the rebellion, and Canadian peacekeepers, along with those on Isla Hermosa who remained loyal to the dysfunctional Hermosian King Aleksander, had been pushed out of the city and back to the Atlantic Ocean.
The mortar fire stopped and Reagan went back to work on saving this Hermosian soldiers life. As a trauma surgeon for the Canadian Armed Forces she had seen her share of war-torn countries. As soon as shed had her medical training shed joined up for active duty. She wanted to serve her country. To prove to herself.
To whom?
She shook that thought away and continued her work. It wouldnt matter soon. Her agreed-upon tour of duty was ending and she had to return to the attending position that was waiting for her in Toronto.
She didnt know quite what she was going to do with herself back there, besides work. During patients there was down time, card games and a camaraderie. She didnt really have any one in Toronto. The people she served with were like a family. Not like her family, though. Not really, because her real family was cold and barely in her life.
The people she served with were her family.
In Toronto shed be all alone. Again.
Toronto was her home town in the sense that she had been born there, and knew it well. She had a job waiting for her, but it wasnt really home. Her parents werent there anymore.
Her parents had retired and moved to warmer climes while shed served. They hadnt even told her that they sold her childhood home until a letter shed sent them came back marked Return to Sender.
Only the Canadian Army had ever wanted her, but she had to return to Toronto. Shed served the time shed signed up for and her leave of absence from the Toronto hospital was ending.
The friends shed made here would forget her soon enough. No relationship ever lasted and that was fine. She was used to that. She didnt want to rely on anyone.
Her parents had taught her well. Theyd always told her to make a life for herself. Not to rely on them. So she didnt.
I wish I had someone.
She was annoyed that shed let that little thought sneak in.
Get a grip on yourself, Reagan.
Now was not the time to get maudlin.
The packed cells you were looking for, a rich, deep voice said, and her body instantly reacted.
Dr. Kainan Laskaris, the foremost trauma surgeon in all of Isla Hermosa, stood beside her. Kainan always unnerved her. He made her feel exposed, vulnerable, as if he knew the pain she was hiding. Knew all her insecurities.
He was the first man in a long time to unnerve her in a good way.
Thanks, she said, barely glancing at him.
When shed first arrived there shed tried to keep him at a distance, but it had never worked. Hed wiggled his way in and, though they didnt really talk much about personal stuff, she enjoyed his company. And he was a damn fine surgeon.
He hung the unit of packed cells, calmly drowning out the chaos of the war that was going on in the background.
His presence made her very aware of how very close the quarters were in this tent, but he helped her focus. He distracted her from all that was going on outside.
How do you keep such a calm demeanor? shed asked, the first time theyd worked together on the wounded during mortar fire.
I drown it out. I ignore it. I think of it as thunder, or something else, and focus on the person in front of me. I try to picture my patients life and on my duty to return this patient to those who love him or her. Clear your mind and picture the life youre saving.
It had worked. The tactic had worked and helped her focus.
She was going to miss working with him.
Do you need help, Dr. Cote? Kainan asked, but he was already pulling on a pair of surgical gloves.
If he had been any other surgeon she would have barked orders to him, as she outranked most in her unit, but there was something about Kainan that commanded respect.
She could never turn him down, and she didnt want to. He knew what she needed in surgery without asking. He was like a second set of hands for her.
Thank you, she said. Are there no others?
No, the fighting is ending. The rebels are being driven backthats the last report that I heard.
Kainan went straight to work, helping her repair the damage to the soldier.
He shook his head and tsked in disgust. This situation should never have happened.
I agree, she responded.
She didnt know much about what had caused the once peaceful island kingdom of Isla Hermosa to erupt into revolution, but she knew it had something to do with King Aleksander, after hed been crowned after his fathers death.
The former King, Mateo, had been instrumental in aligning his kingdom with Canada, and had had a good relationship with the country and good trade agreements.
King Mateo had been a great king for more than fifty years, but his eldest son, Aleksander, was not proving to be so great.
Isla Hermosa had severed its ties with Spain five hundred years ago, so when the revolution had broken out Canada had promised to help. Isla Hermosa had called to Canada and Canada had responded.
Which was why she was there.
I hope this is over soon, she said as she finished her repair of the spleen. My orders came in last night and Im shipping out tomorrow.
So soon?
There was a hint of disappointment in Kainans voice, which made her heart skip a beat.
Dont get hung up. Its probably nothing. Youre a good surgeon and he can see that.
The mortar fire had become distant and the unit of soldiers that had been lying in wait to protect the hospital began to move. Tanks were soon going by, kicking up dust.
Reagan cursed under her breath and covered her patient again.
Kainan helped her. She was very aware of his body close to hers as they protected their patient.
I thought you would stay until the end, he said, after the roar of the tanks had died down.
They went back to work as the dust settled.
No, a new unit has come in to relieve us. Theyll stay until Isla Hermosa is back on its feet.
That could be some time, Kainan muttered darkly. I wonder if Isla Hermosa will ever recover from this.
Hopefully it will. Your country has seen enough bloodshed.
Yes. There was sadness in his voice.
She wondered if hed lost loved ones. They worked well together, and he was a brilliant surgeon, but they didnt delve much into personal issues beyond the sphere of this surgical unit.
Which was fine with her.
Even though she knew little about Kainan, there was still camaraderie between them. Theyd experienced the war together here, patching up soldiers and civilians. They were friends and shed miss him.
Even though it would be good to put some distance between them. She didnt want to do something shed regret.
Live a little.
Ive grown accustomed to working with you, he said, and those dark eyes held her captive.
It thrilled her, unnerved her, this effect he had on her.
Reagan smiled behind her surgical mask. I like working with you too, but it looks like this is the end.
Kainan nodded. I guess so.
Reagan finished her repair and began to close up. Her patient would be taken to Spain which was the closest hospital they could get to, where he would be monitored in a military hospital. At least now he would survive the journey.
They didnt say anything as they prepared the soldier for transport, loading him onto the waiting helicopter that would carry him to an American aircraft carrier. A medical plane would take the soldier on to Spain.
When Reagan pulled off her surgical mask and gloves she let out a sigh of exhaustion. She had been working straight for almost twenty-four hours, since the peacekeepers had been pushed back to the beach. It was late afternoon, and though the sun was no longer beating down on them it was still sweltering, and she had the urge to run into the ocean and cool herself off.
Except for the fact that the beach was littered with boats belonging to the allied forces coming ashore.
Kainan was staring back toward the hill where the tall, ancient city gates were. There was smoke rising from the city and he was frowning.
Im sorry, she whispered.
She wanted to tell him she knew how he felt, but really she didnt. She didnt know what it was like to lose the country of your birth. To have it mangled and everything destroyed.
She couldnt even imagine what he was going through.
You okay? Kainan asked.
Reagan closed her eyes and shook her head. You dont need to worry about me. Im just exhausted.
He cocked his head to one side, those dark brown eyes penetrating her to her very core, and she fought back the urge to run her hands through his thick chestnut curls.
I think there is more. Sadness has come over you.
I was just thinking of leaving here. I was thinking... She trailed off, getting choked up.
She didnt want to tell him that she was sad she was leaving the people she considered friends, the people who were like her family, in order to return to a lonely life in Toronto.
It had never bothered her until now.
I hate leaving a job undone. There is so much work here, but my tour is over.
He sighed and dragged his hand through his hair. Yes, there will be many pieces to pick up once the dust settles, but Isla Hermosa will rise again. There have been other wars, other strife that has hit our shores, and we have stood the test of time.
Reagan smiled and they walked in silence back to the tent. There were no more critical patients. Just those with minor wounds that were being made ready for transport off the island.
Captain Cote, youre officially off duty, said Major Smart as she came to the hospital tent. Youve done a wonderful job, but were getting ready to pull out. The next rotation is here and you need your rest.
When does my transport leave, Major? Reagan asked.
Zero one hundred. I suggest you get some restand thats an order.
Reagan saluted Major Smart and stood there for a few moments. She had been relieved of duty and at one in the morning shed leave Isla Hermosa and head back to Petawawa, before being formally and honorably discharged from the Canadian Armed Forces.
You hungry? Kainan asked. You look like you need food and rest.
I dobut dont you have to move to the front with the Hermosian Army?
Kainan shook his head, a strange expression crossing his face. Not yet. I have time. Why do you think I came here to help with the wounded when our mobile medical unit is further up the line?
Reagan smiled. Ive just got used to seeing you hanging around these last few months. Usually getting in my way.
Kainan grinned that mischievous grin which always caused her pulse to race. If they werent here in the middle of a war... But they were, and Kainan was off-limits. She was leaving in a matter of hours and she wasnt even sure that shed ever see him again.
You have a beautiful smile, Reagan.
A blush crept up her cheeks. What?
You never smile for me. Youre always so serious.
This is war. I dont feel much like smiling.
Kainan stopped and took her hand, those intense dark eyes focused on her. She wasnt used to that. She wasnt used to the attention.
You look tired, Reagan. You need sleep and food.
Im fine.
Come.
It wasnt a request, it was an order, and technically he outranked her. Kainan placed his hand on the small of her back and led her toward the mess tent.
She was so exhausted that she let him get food and a Thermos of coffee, but he didnt let her sit down at a table. Instead he led her outside.
Where are we going? Reagan asked tiredly. The beach is full of armed personnel.
Were not going to the beach. Were going to my tent. Its in a shady spot and we wont be in any danger.
There was mortar fire not that long ago, she said, falling into step beside him.
Kainan sighed. The rebels have surrendered and theres a cease-fire. We should be at peace for a while.
Kainans tent was on the edge of the Hermosian camp that bordered the Canadian forces camp. And it was in a shady spot, with camouflage netting. They took a seat down in the sand under the awning, and felt the breeze blow in off the Atlantic.
Reagan closed her eyes and let the cool air wash over her.
Here, drink this. Kainan passed her some coffee.
Im supposed to be resting.
She took a drink of the dark, sweet Hermosian coffee. She couldnt remember the last time shed been able to savor a cup of coffee. Usually she downed it quickly, burning her tongue in the process, as she tried to patch together the wounded soldiers and the unfortunate civilians whod got in the line of fire.
If you go to bed now you will be even more tired by the time your transport comes because you wont sleep when youre so stressed. Unwind and relax.
This is nice, she admitted.
I will miss you, he said out of the blue, and he smiled sadly at her. You have been a great friend and youre an amazing surgeon. Ive enjoyed working with you.
Reagan was shocked, but pleased, and she squeezed his hand. Ditto.
Really? he asked, surprised.
Of course.
You couldve fooled me. Youre so closed-off around me sometimes.
Then why will you miss me?
Kainan grinned. Because youre brave, compassionate...
You just called me closed-off, she teased.
Compassionate with your patients. You have a kind heart.
She blushed again. Thank you.
Youre also beautiful.
He ran his thumb across her knuckles. His hands were rough from the dry heat and the tough conditions, but they were strong, surgical hands. And the simple touch was both calming and exciting at the same time.
Youre the most beautiful soldier I have ever seen.
His eyes twinkled and he smiled, causing a dimple to pucker in his cheek under his stubble.
Blood heated her cheeks at the compliment. No one ever paid her compliments. She wasnt sure how to take it.
Why do you need my approval all the time, Reagan? For goodness sakes, leave me alone. You dont need validation for something that is so ordinary.
Her mothers harsh words rang in her ears.
She began to tremble, thinking about her mother and the lack of parental compassion shed had growing up.
Youre trembling. Kainan pulled her close and whispered, Why?
Tired. Thats all. She was lying, but she didnt want to think of her mother now.
Kainan held her. She buried her head in his chest, drinking in the scent of him, and the human connection she hadnt realized shed been craving calmed her.
Where are you going after we pull out? she asked, still clinging to him.
To the front lines, he said tersely. Tonight.
Her heart skipped a beat. The front lines were dangerous. Even if there was a cease-fire, the capital city of Helicia had become a tangled mess of debris, mines and IEDs. The thought of him getting hurt scared her.
Youre shivering again, he whispered as he rubbed her back.
Im just worried about you advancing tonight. She looked up at him. Itll be dangerous.
He grinned at her. I will be okay. I will worry about you too, you know.
Ill be on military transport, headed back to Canada.
Things happenand Canada is a long way away. A whole ocean divides us.
He reached out and stroked her cheek, wiping the tears from her face, and before she knew what was happening he was kissing her. Tenderly at first, and then possessively, but it felt so good and she kissed him back, gripping the collar of his tattered linen shirt as if his life and hers depended on it.
Im sorry, he whispered breathlessly against her mouth. I dont know what came over me. Ive gotten so used to being around you, seeing you every day, just the thought of not seeing you...
She should put an end to it, the kissing, but she just wanted to feel. She wanted to give in to the attraction she felt for him. The white-hot lust.
It would be once.
Just one time.
It had been so long since shed been with someone, since she had any kind of intimacy.
No apologiesand dont stop. She kissed him again, running her hands through his hair.
Reagan, we need to stop.
Why?
Im advancing and youre leaving. What future do we have?
Right now, none. But Im not asking for a future, Kainan. I just want to feel tonight. I just want a connection with you. Ive been fighting it since I met you.
He nodded, his gaze holding hers. Me as well.
So dont stop, she whispered, pulling him into another kiss which seared her very soul.
He stood to his feet, helping her up. Come.
Reagan thought that he was going to take her back to her camp, but instead he led her inside his tent, taking her in his arms.
I want you so much, Reagan. I wanted you the first moment I saw you. But I dont want to make you a promise I may not be able to keep, he whispered against her ear.
I care for you too. And you dont need to promise me anything. I just want this.
As you wish, he said, before kissing her again, making her melt into his arms completely.
* * *
It was dark outside and she could hear movement. People on the move to the front lines. She rolled over in the narrow cot that she and Kainan were sharing and glanced at her watch. It was midnight. In an hour her transport would be leaving. She had to pack up what little gear she had and get to the rendezvous point.
Kainan was already up and dressed in his uniform, which shed rarely seen him wear at the mobile hospital. It was a bit surreal, and thinking about him in danger made her stomach knot with unease.
I was just about to wake you, he said gently.
Sorry I slept so long here.
No, its okay. He leaned over and kissed her. I have to go with the next transport to the front lines. There is fighting going on in the city. More wounded. Im needed there.
I thought there was a cease-fire? she said, dressing quickly in her wrinkled clothes.
There was, but some insurgents have been found hiding in the city. It will be taken care of.
He said that with a finality which sent a shiver down her spine.
She finished dressing.
He took her in his arms and held her close.
Please be safe, she whispered, drinking in the scent of him. She wanted to remember every moment of this time with him, and she sent up a silent prayer that he would be safe.
You too, Reagan. My beautiful Reagan. I shall never forget you. Kainan kissed her. Come, wed better go.
They walked out of his tent and saw the Hermosian camp was a flurry of activity. He walked her as far as he could, to where the Canadian forces were packing up what they could, ready to join the Hermosian Army.
Ill never forget you, she said, and she wouldnt.
How could she forget him? A man who had seemed to see past her fa?ade. A dangerous and yet gentle man, and one heck of a surgeon.
A man shed been proud to serve with.
Ditto.
He kissed her hand one last time and then headed toward a large transporter that was waiting for him. He climbed up into the back of the armored vehicle and waved at her as the truck rumbled away into the darkness toward the front lines.
Please keep him safe.
Reagan headed back to the tent she shared with another surgeon. She packed up her kit bag and then waited for her transport.
It was past 1:00 a.m. when the radio in the mess hall crackled to life.
Explosion. Hermosian medical transport attacked. All personnel dead.
The words hit her like a rock and her stomach knotted. She closed her eyes and bit her lip as the words hit her.
Maybe it wasnt Kainans transport?
She wanted to stay and find out if his name was on the list, but her transport came then.
She was airlifted to the waiting Canadian vessel which would take her back home. She was assigned her berth, but as soon as shed set her bag down she found the nearest commanding officer from her unit.
General Travis, do you have a list of casualties from that Hermosian medical transport?
General Travis shook his head. No, not a full list, but I know who youre asking about and Im sorry, Captain Cote. I know that you worked with Dr. Laskaris, but his name is on the list of those who perished. His dog tags were found and not much else. An IED near the palace went off.
Reagans stomach twisted and she ran to the side of the boat, losing what little food shed managed to eat since leaving Kainan and arriving on the transport, over the side of the ship.
General Travis patted her back. Im sorry, Captain.
She nodded, and managed to keep the tears at bay.
This was why she kept people at distance, why she never let anyone in. Because in an instant they could be taken from you. They left. They died.
Kainan had wormed his way in past her defenses and now he was gone.
She was alone.
Completely alone.
She should have known better. She was meant to be alone.
It was easier that way.
Chapter One (#uea923d57-6a79-5041-9066-0cfaee4d22e4)
A year later, Toronto
REAGAN WALKED THROUGH the halls of the hospital in a daze. There wasnt enough coffee in the world to wake her up. It had been a long shift at the hospital and then her infant son had a bad night. The cot in her sons hospital room in the pediatric critical care unit wasnt exactly comfortable, and she could use a break to go home and have a shower.
The problem was there was no one to give her a break.
It was just her and Peter in the world.
A year ago shed spent an unforgettable night in Kainans arms. A night that she would cherish forever. Then hed gone to the front lines and died for his country.
Shed come back to her life in Toronto, empty and alone.
Although it had turned out she was not completely alone, because her one night with Kainan had resulted in pregnancy.
It was the best gift.
A piece of Kainan.
A child.
Someone to love.
And she wasnt going to make Peter feel like a mistake, the way her parents had made her feel.
Nothing shed ever done had pleased them.
Her father had never wanted kids. When her mother had got pregnant with Reagan hed stuck around, but he had always been distant. Over time, her mother had come to resent her for causing such distance in her marriage.
There had been times when shed got shreds of love and affection from her mother, but it they had been few and far between.
Shed thought maybe being grandparents would soften her parents hearts.
Shed been wrong.
When shed told her mother about the situationabout the baby and the father dyingher mothers response had been heartless. Painful.
Get rid of the problem, Reagan. You cant raise a baby on your own.
Im not getting rid of the baby, Mother.
Then what do you want from me, Reagan?
Honestly, she didnt know. Some part of her had hoped her mother would change, but she should have known better.
Reagan had always been a burden to them. And her getting pregnant overseas on a mission was just another disappointment for her parents. They were even more disappointed that shed kept the baby.
As soon as Reagan had found out she was pregnant shed vowed that shed protect Peter. Shed give him the love she had never had, the compassion she had to learn by herself.
No one would hurt Peter. Ever.
Her parents had never cared about her. Theyd only taken care of her because they were legally obligated to do so.
Ive never run from my mistakes, Reagan. Thats why I took care of you. At the time, abortion wasnt an option.
Reagan was a mistake. It hurt to hear it time and time again.
She focused on the lukewarm coffee she was drinking.
A baby had never been in her plan, but she was responsible for her actions. There were plenty of single parents out there, going it alone. And she would do the same. She would never let Peter feel as if he was an obligation or a mistake.
But what should have been one of the most joyous days of her life, when Peter was born, had quickly turned into her worst nightmare.
In all her years as an intern and then a resident in hospital, and then her time in the field with the Canadian military, serving as a trauma surgeon during natural disasters and being tossed into the fray of war zones, shed seen many sick children. Critically ill children. It had always been a deep-rooted fear of hers that one day, if she ever had a child, something might happen to that child.
She had never been able to handle the thought of it.
And then it had happened.
Shed had Peter.
Let me see him! shed cried, relieved that the birth was over.
Only none of the doctors had answered her. Marisa, her OB/GYN, hadnt looked at her. It was in that moment that Reagan had realized the baby wasnt crying. There wasnt a sound coming from him at all.
Whats wrong? Reagan had asked.
Shed craned her neck as Marisa had turned back to her, watching the pediatrician on call with her baby in his hands, blue-grey and barely moving.
It had only been a couple of hours later when shed learned that her baby had cardiomyopathy and would be staying in the hospital indefinitely. The only reminder of her and Kainans time together was placed on the list for UNOS and would be staying there while he waited for a new heart.
The nursery she had so painstakingly started to prepare in her small apartment before his birth was still unused, and she hadnt been able to look at it the few fleeting times shed managed to get home.
Dont think about itand dont think about Kainan.
Even a year since his death often Kainan crept into her thoughts because Peter looked like him so much. And she couldnt help but wonder what it would have been like had Kainan lived.
Reagan had had a couple of relationships before Kainan, but theyd failed because of herbecause she couldnt trust. At the back of her mind she was terrified shed disappoint, that shed never be good enough and her heart would be broken. Again.
It was better this way.
She was better off alone.
Reagan, you look like you didnt get a wink of sleep!
Reagan rubbed her tired, sore eyes and saw the Chief of Surgery leaning over the central desk, where hed been studying a chart.
Michael McNeil had been so understanding. Hed trained her as a resident, and encouraged her into the Canadian Armed Forces to expand her skills, and since shed announced her pregnancy and Peters birth hed been accommodating, knowing she needed to work. Right now he was looking at her with pity. Like most people. She hated pity.
We need better cots on the NICU floor, she mumbled, stifling a yawn.
Are you going to be able to work with this new doctor? he asked.
Reagan nodded. She needed this job. It was more pay, and not so much time spent doing surgical rounds. Right now she couldnt do a lot of surgery. A call about a heart might come in at any time, and she needed to be near Peter.
Peter was all she had.
She really needed sleep, but right now she needed work more. It kept her sane. And she was looking forward to this new job. It was more flexible.
Yeah, Im good. She walked to the other side of the central desk and poured herself another cup of coffee into a plastic cup and capped it.
Good. I know things have been hard
She held up her hand to cut the chief off. Michael, Im okay. I need the work. I love the work. And Peter is not that far away. Besides, Im the only staff member available who knows American Sign Language.
And you worked in Isla Hermosa as well, Michael said, setting down his chart.
Reagans heart skipped a beatwhich was silly. The new specialist is from Isla Hermosa?
Michael nodded. The Canadian government is giving him asylum. His work is important. Thats all I know. And hes a brilliant teacher. I think he will be an asset to our medical students.
I wonder if I worked with him? Reagan said, taking another sip of the bitter coffee. The caffeine was doing its job. There had been many other Hermosian physicians out in the field whom shed worked alongside, but none had been like Kainan.
No one will ever be like Kainan.
She couldnt think about him now.
I dont know, but the Canadian government was very adamant that he should be given asylum here, and after chatting with him over email Im very excited to have him on board.
Im looking forward to meeting him, said Reagan. To become a surgical consultant when you cant speakthats impressive.
She couldnt recall any nonverbal surgeons out in the field on Isla Hermosa. Of course it had been a war zone. Everything was a bit blurry about her experience. Except...
Well, he could speak before. He was injured at the front and a badly placed endotracheal tube damaged his vocal cords. Im told he can speak a bitbut not much, and not for long periods of time. He will be getting corrective surgery here before the New Year, but for now youll help him.
Of course, she agreed. She would be happy to. Does he know about my son and my need for flexibility?
No, Michael said. I told him you needed a flexible schedule, but I thought it best if you tell him about Peter if you want to.
She breathed a sigh of relief. Thanks.
It was exhausting, constantly explaining Peters condition to people. It drained her. The new surgeon didnt need to know about Peter, he just needed to know she needed flexibilitywhich Michael had taken care of.
Reagan fell into step beside Michael as they walked toward his office, where she would meet this Hermosian doctor and they could get to work.
So, my job consists of interpreting American Sign Language to the students so he doesnt overtax his voice?
Michael nodded. You can use my office to draw up your plans. The first medical students will be coming at oneafter the lunch rotation.
Reagan nodded. Sounds good, Chief.
Michael smiled, and then said softly, You know were all here for you, Reagan. If theres anything more we can do...
Reagan gave Michael a quick nod. She appreciated it, but she didnt want pity or help. Too many people pitied her, and she was tired of it. She was still a surgeon. She was still Reagan Cote, even if it sometimes didnt feel that way.
Im good.
Are you sure? Michael asked, and there again was that expression of pity that she loathed, directed toward her.
She couldnt push Michael away like she did so many. He had been her mentor when she was resident. Hed taught her compassion and patient care. Things she hadnt been able to learn from her parents. When shed started her bedside manner had been atrocious, but Michael had guided her, and he had been the one who welcomed her back with open arms when shed finished her tour of duty.
I appreciate it so much, Michael. You know that, but Im fine. Let me workit keeps me busy.
Michael gave her a quick kiss on the top of her head and whispered, Hell pull through.
She nodded, blinking back the tears that always threatened to fall when someone started talking about Peter and his condition. Tears that she had learned to swallow because she had to be strong for Peter.
And for herself.
She had to be tough. There was no time for weeping or sorrow. If she gave in to the grief that she was actually feeling she would collapse and be useless.
This new assignment had come at the perfect time. Even though it would take her off her precious surgical rotation, it would keep her at the hospital.
It would keep her busy and close to Peter.
And that was the most important thing.
You okay? Michael asked.
Perfectly.
Reagan plastered on the fake smile she was used to wearing. The one shed perfected when she was a small girl, because her father had liked her just a bit better when shed smiled, and had been nicer to her mother when Reagan had smiled and behaved.
Michael nodded and then opened the door.
Reagan stepped in, seeing the Hermosian doctor had his back to her. Something tugged at the corner of her mind, but she couldnt sift through the fogor maybe she was having a hard time seeing. Maybe she was so sleep-deprived that this was just a dream.
She began to tremble.
Dr. Kainan LaskarisI would like to introduce you to Dr. Reagan Cote, who will be working with you here at the hospital.
The ghost turned around, those dark, expressive eyes of his hollow and wide with shock. The beautifully chiseled face was marred with scars, and on his throat she could see where they had put the botched endotracheal tube. It was almost as if his throat had been slit, the scar was so bad. The dark brown curls were tamed, and streaked with silver. Hed aged. The war had aged him. But he was still devastatingly handsome.
He opened his mouth, as if to say something, but then snapped it shut. And his lips pressed together firmly, as if he was angry.
Her coffee shook in the cup she was gripping so tightly. Her world was spinning and her tight rein on those emotions shed become so darn good at locking away had gone slack.
She was losing control.
Never lose control, Reagan. Dont show your weakness to anyone or theyll take advantage of you.
Her mothers voice was screaming in her head.
Kainan? her voice finally squeaked out in disbelief.
You two know each other? Michael asked.
She waited for that deep, rich voice to answer, Si. That affirmation had always made her go a bit weak in the knees.
But of course it couldnt.
His voice had been taken from him.
Instead he just nodded quickly and looked away. As if he was annoyed she was there.
We worked together on Isla Hermosa during my last tour of duty, Reagan answered, steadying her hand so Michael wouldnt see her tremble. And we worked well together.
Michael looked visibly relieved. Im glad to hear it! Well, Ill leave you two to it. Im sure you have a lot of catching up to do.
Reagan didnt even see Michael leave. She just heard the door shut, her gaze focused on Kainan. The man shed thought was dead.
He stared back at her, but he didnt smile at her the way hed used to. There was no twinkle in his eyes. Just darkness. It was cold. It didnt faze her, didnt hurt her. She was used to people looking at her that way. It did sting a little, and it gave her confirmation that Kainan was like all the other men shed met. Like her father. Cold and distant.
Youre alive. It wasnt so much a question as it was a statement of fact, because shed thought hed died.
Clearly, he signed in American Sign Language, barely looking at her.
They told me you had died.
His expression softened briefly. Im sorry. There was a lot of confusion at first. I was reported dead for days...
Your medical transport was attacked and they found your dog tags in the rubble.
Again, there was a lot of confusion.
It was obvious that he wasnt going to give any further information about it.
Reagan sat down on one of the chairs at the table in Michaels office. There was a stack of materials there. New orientation information for Kainan. She needed to keep busy and not think about why he never reached out to her.
Has anyone explained all this stuff to you? she asked as she quickly scanned the binder full of information. If she kept busy she could ignore the racing of her pulse, her trembling hands, the urge to hug him and cry because he was alive.
He shook his head and took a seat across from her. Then he cleared his throat. Best...come...from...you.
His voice was broken, harsh and guttural. And color bloomed in his cheeks. It was either embarrassment or anger, and knowing Kainan it was most likely anger.
She knew how much he liked to be in control of every situation. Hed commanded all those around him during surgery, and those working with him had followed him blindly.
When he lost control he got angry, but that would drive him to work harder to solve the problem and regain control.
He was an amazing surgeon.
And this loss of control...
She could only imagine what he was going through. She liked control in her life, but shed learned a humble lesson when Peter was born. Control was just an illusion.
Reagan had to admit that she was angry too. That he was alive and hadnt let her know. Hed known where she was going. Hed known so much about her. Why hadnt he reached out?
Only she couldnt think about that right now. Shed swallow the anger she had and do her job. Keep moving forward as she had always done. If she stopped for a second everything would fall apart.
Okay, she said, setting her half-empty coffee cup down and opening up the materials. We can do this together.
Is there anyone else? he signed.
The words were like a slap. He didnt want her here. She realized his body language was more than just embarrassment or anger over his situation. He was annoyed that she was here, helping him.
Her spine stiffened.
She should have known his attention to her back then had just been seduction. He didnt want to see her again. Hed just been using her.
You wanted it too.
Well, she wasnt going to let him shove her aside. She had a job to do, and anyway shed got the best part of him. She had Peter, and she didnt regret that for anything.
No, there is no one else. I am the only doctor here who can interpret American Sign Language and whos free to support you. Now she was really annoyed with him. She wasnt going to let him ruin this job for her.
Fine, he signed. He crossed his arms and leaned back in the chair. His gaze was fixed on her, but instead of anger or annoyance, like before, there was bit of humor. Some smugness.
She wanted to wipe that off his face. What? she snapped.
I forgot how prickly you get. How fast your walls go up.
The twinkle she knew so well returned to his eyes. It was meant to lighten the mood, but she wasnt in the mood for that.
I get prickly when people are acting like jerks.
Sorry. He spoke, his voice now barely a whisper.
Reagan shut the binder and, though she knew she was going to regret it, she had to ask. Why dont you want to work with me?
* * *
The question caught him off guard. Of course this whole situation had caught him off guard. Hed known that Reagan was Canadian, but hadnt realized that she worked at this hospital, in this city. Canada was a large country. Hed chosen this hospital simply because Dr. Shaw, his otolaryngologist was here.
He hadnt known that Reagan was here. And he hadnt known that she knew American Sign Language or that she would be working in the education part of the hospital. Hed have thought she would be on the surgical floor, wherever she worked, which was where he wanted to be, but couldnt be any longer.
How could a man with no voice convey what he needed to his surgical staff during an emergency situation? He couldnt, so his surgical career was over.
Of course that wasnt the only reason his career was over.
His throat tightened at the thought of why it was over. It always tightened when his stress levels rose, and he was certainly stressed now.
Seeing Reagan again was a shock.
And hed had to hold himself back, because his first reaction when hed seen her had been to run to her and take her in his arms and kiss her. But this wasnt the time or place.
Nowhere was the time or place.
Still, seeing her again had brought back so many memories. Even though theyd served during a wara brutal war which had torn his country apartworking alongside her had been some of the happiest moments of his life.
He loved his country, but being called back to serve had been painful. Since his mother had died Isla Hermosa had reminded him only of loneliness and pain.
Reagan had brought back joy into his life.
One of the hardest things hed had to do in his life was to leave her behind, knowing that she was going back home to her country and that he was going to the front lines. That he might never see her again.
It had nearly broken him, but it had been for the best that shed left when all was said and done. Now circumstances had changed and they could never be together. Hed never trap her the way his mother had been trapped in her marriage to his father.
Still, he wanted Reaganeven though he shouldnt. Their year apart had done nothing to extinguish the flames of passion that he felt for her.
He still wanted her.
That long, silky brown hair that was so neatly tied back. The long, graceful neck that hed once run his hands over. And those lips hed kissed and wanted to taste again.
Only he couldnt now. Not because hed lost his voice, but because he would never, ever put her inside the dangerous situation he now found himself in.
He was a displaced king, of a country that was precarious and about to sink into oblivion, and he couldnt bring her into that situation.
There were people who wanted to assassinate him. And he would gladly take a bullet for his country, because he felt responsible for Isla Hermosas downfall.
He hadnt been able to control his late brother. Kainan had tried, but his brother had ruined the country in six months after their father had ruled gracefully for fifty years.
Now Kainan was King of a broken, bleeding country. And instead of being there he was here in Canada. First in Ottawa, to recuperate from all the injuries that hed sustained when the palace had been attacked, and now here at this hospital in Toronto, working and waiting for surgery that might or might not return his voice to him. Surgery he might not survive due to the damage in his throat.
Still, he needed a voice to rule. As King, he had a duty to his countrya tradition to uphold and a service which had so depressed his mother and made her feel trapped.
His father had been a great king, but cold, and protocol had come first. Kainan had watched his mother take second place to Isla Hermosa.
So, no, he couldnt drag Reagan into that. The crown would die out with him. And maybe it was better that way.
Whats first? he signed.
Have you got your hospital identification yet? she asked, leafing through all the papers from Human Resources that Kainan had just skimmed.
No. I havent got that yet.
Okay, well fill out this paperwork and
Kainan touched her arm and got her attention. Why arent you practicing surgery?
I told you. Im the only one fluent in American Sign Language here who has room in her schedule to assist you.
So this is a punishment for you?
What?
Surgery was your life.
She frowned, and continued to leaf through the binder. It still is, but I was asked to do this and She was interrupted by a knock at the door. Yes?
A nurse stuck her head round the door. Im sorry to interrupt, Dr. Cote, but its Peter.
Reagans expression changed. She frowned, looking worried as she slammed the binder shut. Ill be right up.
The nurse nodded and shut the door.
Im sorry, Kainan. Ill try to be as fast as I can but...it could take a while.
Is it a patient? he asked.
Reagan sighed sadly. Her expression was tired, broken, and Kainan couldnt help but wonder who Peter was. Was Peter her husband?
That brief, fleeting thought of her with another man enraged him. It made him jealous to think of another man loving her.
Not that he deserved to feel any sense of jealousy when it came to Reagan. Hed given up those rights when hed let her go in Isla Hermosa.
No, its not a patient. Then she sighed again and looked almost as if she was going to be sick. Kainan, Im... Hes my son. Peter is my son.
She stood up to leave, her body tense.
Kainan was shocked, and sat back as reality sank in. He hoarsely asked, Your son?
And then it dawned on himbecause he knew that she hadnt had a child when she was serving alongside him in Isla Hermosa.
A cold tendril of dread unfurled in his belly. He jumped up and stood in front of her, blocking her escape and he cleared his throat. How. Old?
Hes three months now. Hes your son, Kainan.
Reagan didnt offer any other explanation.
* * *
Never trust women, Kainan. Never. Your mother tried to hide you from me when she wanted to divorce me, but you were a prince of Isla Hermosa. She had no right to do that. But she did try. Women are fickle. They are not devoted, they only think of themselves. Never trust them. Close your heart to them or youll be hurt!
Kainan didnt want to hear his late fathers voice in his head. Hed been a fine king, but a terrible husband and father.
Still, Reagan hadnt told him he had a son.
I have to go and check on him. Kainan, please move.
Numb, he stepped to the side so she could open the door.
Of course Kainan was going to let her go, but he needed more answers. His son? It couldnt be. Why was his son at the hospital? Why was a nurse taking care of him?
He dashed after Reagan, cursing himself inwardly because he couldnt call out to her to stop, but he caught up with her quickly and grabbed her arm, holding on to her.
She tried to shrug out of his grip until she saw it was him and relaxed.
My son? he signed.
Yes.
Why didnt you tell me I had a son? Were you trying to hide him from me? He instantly regretted the words. They were so much like something his father would have said.
Her eyes narrowed. I thought you were dead. They told me you were dead. I wouldnt hide him from youyou know that.
He wanted to believe that, but his own mother had tried to hide him from his father when she was pregnant.
I never wanted you locked away in the palace, Kainan. I didnt want you locked away like me. I tried to leave, but I couldnt hide you from him either, his mother had said on her death bed. I just wanted us to be happy. To be free. I didnt want you to grow up with him as a father.
Why? Hed felt as if his life was a prison sentence. He was guarded and watched all the time, and though surrounded by people hed always felt alone. Why did you tell him?
I had to. I loved him. His mother had sighed. I am sorry I am leaving you. You will never be free. Even as the spare. You will never be your own man. I wanted more for you, Kainan. Im sorry.
His mother had died then, and his father had told him woman werent to be trusted.
Never trust a woman, Kainan. Never.
Kainan rubbed his temple, where a pounding headache was brewing.
Reagan didnt hide your son from you. She thought you were dead.
That was little consolation to him at this moment.
I have to go see him, Reagan whispered.
What is wrong with him? he asked as they waited for the elevator.
Cardiomyopathy. There was a glitter of moisture in her eyes as she cleared her throat. He was born that way. He was born with a failing heart.
Oh, God.
His heart sank. It was too much. Hed learned he was a father and that his son was dying all in the same day.
He was no fool. He knew the severity of cardiomyopathy in a child.
Run. Turn and leave.
But he couldnt do that either. He was not the cold, unfeeling man his father had been.
The elevator dinged as the doors opened, and they stood to the side as people got off, before getting in.
Kainan didnt say anything as they rode in silence. Everything was still sinking in.
He had a son.
And his son was the Crown Prince of Isla Hermosa.
He felt bad for inflicting that burden on him. And his son was ill. Cardiomyopathy in an infant was horrific, and Kainan could only assume that he was on the UNOS wait list for a new heart, because that was his only chance at life.
Reagan led him to the NICU, giving him a disposable gown and mask. He didnt really hear anything that anyone was saying as he was led into the room.
In the far corner stood an incubator that was covered with a blue blanket.
His heart was hammering.
He had never wanted a child. He didnt want to sentence any child to a life where he couldnt live, where he was under constant scrutiny. Hed never wanted a family. Relationships didnt work. His father and late brother had shown him that. He didnt want to trap a woman the way his mother had been trapped.
Reagan raised the blue blanket and Kainan gasped as he saw a baby with dark hair. A baby who looked like him and Reagan.
A baby hooked up to a machine.
His heart ached to hold him. It was instant love. It surprised him.
This child was the future of his country. But how could a voiceless king and a broken-hearted crown prince rule a country that was already broken and bleeding?
His heart shattered and guilt washed over him. Reagan had done this on her own. He hadnt been there. Hed failed her. Hed failed them both.
All Kainan could do was turn and leave.
His heart was breaking along with his sons.
Chapter Two (#uea923d57-6a79-5041-9066-0cfaee4d22e4)
THERE WAS SUCH a flurry of activity that Reagan forgot Kainan had followed her in. When Peter was stable again, and shed spoken to the doctors, she turned to introduce Kainan to Peters team. But Kainan had slipped out.
Where did he go?
That was her first thought, and then she was disappointed that hed left. He hadnt even come over to the incubator. Shed lifted the blanket and hed looked once, before shed turned her attention to the nurse. Then shed drowned out everything else. Her main focus had been her son.
With every day that she stepped through those doors, rinsing her hands, a deep, dark part of her told her over and over again that any future with her son became darker and darker.
The other part of herthe part that had sustained her since shed found out she was carrying Kainans childtold her not to give up hope.
To keep going.
To be strong.
To drown out everything else and pour all that she had into her son.
And that was what she did. Day after day since he was born.
She had no other choice.
So she hadnt noticed when Kainan had left because hed never been there before. She was used to being on her own.
Reagan turned back to Sophie, Peters nurse in the PCCU. Im only a text away.
Sophie nodded. Sorry for dragging you away from your work. I know your first priority is to work with the new Hermosian doctor.
My first priority is Peter. Always.
Reagan smiled and gave Sophies arm a squeeze. She wanted to tell Sophie that Kainan was Peters father, but she couldnt really form the words. Like Sophie, everyone in the hospital had been told that Peters father was dead.
And that was not the case.
Kainan was alive. Hed have rights over Peter. She would no longer be in complete control. Kainan would have a say, and that made her nervous. Kainan might return to Isla Hermosa. What if he wanted to take Peter with him?
Dont think about it now.
She didnt want to make herself sick with worry.
You okay, Reagan? Sophie asked.
Yes. Im fine. Ill swing by later, Sophie, if I dont hear from you before then.
Okay, Reagan.
Sophie turned back to the incubator and Reagan sent a mental kiss to her boy, since at the moment she couldnt actually kiss him. Shed only kissed him once, before he was intubated.
Her heart ached at the thought that maybe shed never be able to really kiss him, see his eyes open and look at her in wonder.
Focus. Find Kainan.
Once she was out of the PCCU she peeled off the disposable gown and mask, tossing them in the nearest receptacle. She was contemplating how she was going to page Kainan when she saw that he was pacing at the end of a dead-end hall near the PCCU.
All the annoyance and anger shed briefly had for him walking out on their son melted away. She put herself in Kainans shoes. Hed just learned he had a son and that same son was gravely ill.
She remembered how shed felt when shed found out that Peter was so ill. When theyd whisked him away from her. When she hadnt heard any wail when he was born and shed been left alone.
Still, he had left.
You left? she said gently.
Kainans dark eyes were a bit wild, and he ran his hand through his thick, dark curls. He nodded and signed, Sorry.
It was a lot to take in. Im sorry I didnt prepare you better.
Hard to prepare for that. Hard to prepare for learning about a son you never knew you had. He closed his eyes.
Are you okay?
I will be fine. The question is, are you? Are you okay?
The question took her aback, because she wasnt fine. How could she be fine? Her son was ill, Kainan was alive, and she needed sleep. No, she wasnt fine.
Im okay. Liar. I shouldve told you sooner.
You didnt even know I was alive until earlier today.
True.
They both smiled then, and a bit of the tension melted away.
Whats wrong with him? Kainan signed finally. You said before, but...
Cardiomyopathy. The word stuck in her throat. She rarely said it out loud, because if she said it out loud it became real. And she didnt want it to be real.
She was deluding herself. It was very realand scary.
At least she didnt have to explain what cardiomyopathy was to Kainan. He understood the gravity of the situation.
Is he on the transplant list?
Yes. Were waiting.
How terrible for you. How do you do it?
A spark of anger flared up in her. It was an innocent enough remark, but it had cut her to the quick.
How do you do it?
How could she not? There was really no choice in the matter. Just one foot in front of the other.
Theres no choice, she said wearily.
No. I suppose not. Kainan scrubbed a hand over his face. He didnt sign anything else.
Reagan was waiting for him to sign Im sorry I wasnt there for you. Or Let me help, but he didnt offer any of these things.
Instead he signed, Is he stable now? Can we get back to work?
It was a slap to the facebut then again a lot of stuff had happened to Kainan in a very short span of time. Still, he hadnt even asked their sons name.
Dont take it personally. Its a lot to process.
Shed been disappointed before. Countless times, when her parents had been too busy for her.
I need help, Mom. Please. Im tired and Peter is sick...
It was your choice to have the baby, Reagan. I told you to get rid of it.
Her mothers callous words still haunted her.
Whats wrong? Kainan signed.
Nothing.
Your expression says otherwise.
Hes stable, she said, answering Kainan and yet ignoring his questioning.
Good.
There was a hint of relief on his face, but only a brief hint. Reagan hoped it was in regard to their son, but again shed been disappointed before.
Lets get back to Michaels office and well go through everything, she offered.
Kainan nodded and fell into step beside her. There was silence between them, which was good, because right now she was having a hard time to keeping it all together.
* * *
Kainan listened to Reagan go over protocols and some other things that he couldnt seem to focus on. All he could think about was taking care of Reagan and Peter. Doing his duty to them.
Even though it would kill him to trap them both in royal protocol.
If his brother had still been alive there wouldnt be this guilt about forcing Reagan into this life Kainan never wanted. He was the spare, so hes pursued medicine in order to escape Isla Hermosa. Hed gone to medical school in Switzerland and worked there. Hed been happy.
He hadnt ever planned on returning to Isla Hermosa after his brother became King, but then war had broke out and his brother had been killed.
Kainans freedom had evaporated then. It had been obliterated.
Inside he was screaming and raging, but if he tried to let it all out there would be no sound, and that made him rage all the more at his own stupidity. Yet he still wanted Reagan, and now his son. Shed been alone. She shouldnt have been alone.
I should never have let Reagan go.
If hed have been with her... He didnt finish that thought, because it wouldnt have changed the outcome at all.
Their son would have been born with cardiomyopathy anyway. That was if hed survived being born in a war-torn country. The thought made his stomach clench. He tried not to think about it.
Alek, you have to surrender. Its done. Too many lives have been lost!
I will not surrender! Father never wouldve backed down.
He would if innocent blood was being spilled. What youre doing is folly!
You just want the crown for yourself, Kainan. I know you.
You dont know me. Youre completely absurd. I never wanted this. Never.
Then why are you here?
To save your life. Youre my brother, Alek...
Im your half brother.
Half, thenbut still Im here to save you.
Why?
Because Father loved you. Im doing this for Father.
Alek had sneered and shaken his head.
Always trying to please Father. But hes dead and I am King. I will always be King.
Kainan shook those thoughts away. They were treading on dangerous ground. They were threatening his control. Hed tried to save his half brothers life before Alek had been overthrown. Hed been trying to drag Alek out of the palace to safety just before the IED had gone off in the throne room.
Kainan had survived the blast, but had lost his voice for his brother...his King.
In the end his brother hadnt survived after the explosion. So it had all been for naught.
Which now made him King and his critically ill son his heir.
His son who was dying.
Kainan, are you okay?
He turned and saw Reagan was looking up from the piles of paperwork.
Overwhelmed? she asked gently.
He smiled. Under... Only he couldnt finish the word because his throat closed up, He felt humiliated by it.
Her expression softened. Statement? Understatement?
Then she smiled. That warm and friendly open smile which had won him over. Shed always tried to act so strong, but when hed seen her smile at wounded soldiers, offering them compassion, hed been won over time and time again. Reagan had reminded him of his mothernot in looks, but in strength and fortitude.
His mother Ariana had been compassionate, strong, independent. Shed loved his father, even though his father hadnt seemed able to love her back in the same way.
When his mother had died hed been so lonely. There had been no love in the palace. His father had stood on formality. As had his elder half brother Alek. Only his mother had given him affection.
Reagan hadnt known he was a prince. Shed been so honest. So warm. Hed craved that warmth. Needed it like air. Shed treated him like everyone else on the unit and with her hed been himself. There had been no formality. No protocol. It had been nice to be himself for a change, instead of Prince Kainan.
If there hadnt been a war... If he was still the spare...
He didnt want to drag her into the tumultuous situation that was still happening in his country. Still, shed borne his child and she would be in danger if word got out. If he married her he could protect her. He had to do right by her, even though that would mean her life wouldnt be her own anymore. Even though he would be condemning her.
Yes. That. He rubbed his temples, felt his throat tightening again.
Im sorry theres so much. I swear were almost done with the orientation.
Can we take a break? he signed.
She cocked an eyebrow. A break?
Coffee?
He had to get out of this room. He felt as if he was suffocating again. Like when hed woken up after the blast and not been able to breathe, with a tube in his throat, burns on his body.
Okay...
She seemed unsure. Confused.
He was confused tooabout this whole situation.
When hed felt this way in the past, surgery and practicing medicinehis workhad helped him get through so much. Saving lives made sense to him. It made sense of this mixed-up world.
And he couldnt do that anymore. He couldnt be a proper surgeon because he couldnt speak, and couldnt sign when his hands were busy. He couldnt lead his broken country for the same reason. He was trapped in limbo.
They walked in silence to the coffee cart.
Even though there were Hermosian guards all through this hospital, and he was being monitored by the Canadian government, no one besides those watching him for his own protection knew he was King.
.
.
, (https://www.litres.ru/amy-ruttan/the-surgeon-king-s-secret-baby/) .
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