The Elusive Consultant
CAROL MARINELLI
Emergency charge nurse Tessa Hardy is stunned to discover Max Slater is moving to England – without his fiancée!Tess is secretly in love with Max, and his decision has turned her world upside down.Tess knows she can't admit her feelings; it's all too complicated. But when a daring rescue operation endangers her life, Max stuns Tess by passionately kissing her better!With the clock ticking until Max leaves Melbourne, Tess knows they haven't got a future – unless this elusive physician is ready to be tamed.
Carol Marinell’s intense, dramatic and
passionate stories will take you
on a roller coaster of emotions!
THE ELUSIVE CONSULTANT
is a powerful story, packed full of emotion,
desire and exciting medical drama.…
Dear Reader,
I couldn’t live without my friends; seriously, I think I’d curl up and fade away without those special people who share my life. I’m not just talking about best friends here, but the people with whom I stop and share a bit of gossip with or a moan along the way. Friends really are invaluable and I’m sure most of us feel the same.
But imagine if you secretly loved one of them!
That was the scenario I created for my heroine Tessa: a hero who really knew her—not the shaved-leg, scented, first-date version we somehow manage to rustle up on occasions, but the real day-to-day, warts-and-all version that’s usually saved for later.
I loved writing Tessa and Max’s story and admit to cringing a few times for Tessa along the way—just as a friend would!
Happy reading,
Carol Marinelli
The Elusive Consultant
Carol Marinelli
www.millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk)
CONTENTS
Chapter One (#uef7bf2dd-ef65-5ba0-bd7d-c261b2ea923a)
Chapter Two (#u29c74f48-45e7-5f27-986b-9b7d90329734)
Chapter Three (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Four (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Five (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Six (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Seven (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Eight (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Nine (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Ten (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Eleven (#litres_trial_promo)
Epilogue (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER ONE
‘I HEAR Max is leaving us.’
‘Apparently so.’ With her usual smile still in place, Tessa paid for her meal and waited while Narelle, the canteen lady, swapped over the coffee-jugs.
‘The place won’t be the same without him—doctors like Max don’t come by every day. He saved my Bruce, you know.’
Tessa did know!
Not only had she been on duty the day Narelle’s husband had been wheeled into the department in full cardiac arrest, she was made to relive the moment in glorious Technicolor every morning when Narelle fussed over her like a broody hen, forcing food on her as some sort of bizarre reward and doing unmentionable things to Tessa’s calorie count. ‘Dead as a dodo he was, and just look at him now, and it’s all thanks to Max, and you, of course. I’d best go and put his eggs on. You go and sit down, love, and I’ll bring your meal over. So who’s going to be your brunch buddy now?’
Who indeed?
Sitting at her usual table by the window, Tessa stared at the glistening bay, curling her heavy chocolate curls idly around her fingers as she drank in the view she never tired of. The water so still and calm, it looked as smooth as glass, reflecting the sun high in the late morning sky. But as idyllic as it all looked, the postcard scene was marred by the sight of a red helicopter whirring in the distance, buzzing on the horizon like an angry bee. The water might look calm, but looks were deceptive and Tessa knew that only too well.
The dangers of the ocean were rammed home with alarming regularity at Peninsula Hospital. A bush hospital they might be, but what they ‘missed’ in stabbings and drug-related problems, they made up for tenfold with a never-ending stream of multi-traumas, courtesy of Mother Nature. Frowning slightly, Tessa screwed up her eyes, trying to pick up any obvious problems, anything that might indicate what the rescue helicopter was doing out at this time. Tessa knew their schedule almost as well as she knew the emergency department’s, and a training run at eleven-thirty wasn’t their usual practice. Hopefully, she’d asked for her eggs runny. If the emergency chopper was out on rescue, no doubt she’d be being summoned in the not-too-distant future!
Oh, well, she’d find out what it was all about soon enough, Tessa thought with a shrug, adding half a sachet of sweetener to her black coffee before gingerly taking a sip.
It tasted awful but, Tessa thought with a sigh as she forced herself to drink it, maybe she was being a bit harsh, blaming the coffee. After all, nothing was going to taste particularly sweet this morning with the bitter taste Tessa had in her mouth.
Max is leaving.
It was all she had heard all morning. A cruel game of Chinese whispers whizzing through the emergency department. Each version just a little bit different, a touch more exaggerated perhaps, but it all boiled down to the same thing.
Max really was going and he hadn’t even thought to tell her.
OK, they weren’t best friends, they didn’t ring each other every evening to gossip about the department and, apart from work dos and the endless breaks they whiled away together in the hospital canteen, their friendship didn’t equate to the outside world. They’d never shared a dinner or even so much as a coffee that hadn’t been made by Narelle.
But Tessa had always thought they were more than just colleagues. Nine times out of ten Max joined her for brunch and a gossip, invariably he would tap her on the shoulder if he needed help with a patient and they often whiled away the lulls in Emergency over a coffee and a chat. He knew every last one of her dating disasters, and in turn Tessa knew all about his fiancée Emily and her eternal quest to ‘fix a date.’ They were more than just colleagues and the fact Max had sat on the biggest piece of news since the turn of the century hurt.
Really hurt.
‘Why the miserable face?’
So deep was Tessa in her thoughts she hadn’t even heard Max approach, and by the time she looked up he was already pulling up a chair and sitting down, wearing his usual shorts and T-shirt, coupled with his trade-mark wide, easy smile.
Grateful for the excuse, Tessa replaced her cup in her saucer and grimaced. ‘Despite what the label says, this tastes nothing like sugar.’
‘You’re not on another diet?’ Max groaned. ‘If it’s that cabbage soup one, I’m really going to have to put my foot down. Every time you pulled out that Thermos I felt like ducking for cover, I couldn’t stand the smell.’
‘Me neither.’ Tess laughed. ‘And, no, it’s not the cabbage diet and it’s not the milkshake one either— this one involves real food and lots of it. Narelle’s cooking up a storm back there.’
‘So how was the course?’
‘Great.’ Tessa gave an enthusiastic nod. ‘I learnt heaps, which is just as well, Admin were very reluctant to fund it. You’d have thought I was asking them to pay me for a week by a pool in Queensland, not an advanced trauma course.’
‘That’s so like them,’ Max groaned. ‘You’d think the money came from their own wages sometimes.’
‘They only agreed in the end because I had my own accommodation lined up.’ Tessa grinned. ‘Hotel Hardy.’
‘How was it?’
‘Oh, the food was wonderful, the service amazing and the bedroom divine. There’s nothing quite like your old bedroom, is there?’
‘How’s your mum?’ Max asked, his laughter fading as he watched Tessa stiffen.
‘Oh, fine,’ Tessa said airily, then, feeling the weight of his stare still on her, she gave a little shrug. ‘She’s still living in la-la denial land.’
‘Thing’s haven’t got better, then?’ Max asked gently as Tessa shifted uncomfortably.
‘Dad’s back with her.’
‘His mistress?’ Max checked.
Tessa gave a low laugh. ‘Whatever you want to call her.’
‘Maybe he isn’t back with her this time, Tessa, maybe it’s all innocent. You might just be reading too much into things.’
‘No, I’m not.’ Her voice was sharp, her eyes defiant as she looked up. ‘I know I’m right, the same way I’ve always know since I was ten years old. The pattern’s been the same—later and later back from the office, more trips to Sydney than a flight attendant, and endless presents for Mum to quash his guilt. The front room looks like a funeral parlour there’s so many flowers in there. I don’t know how Mum can let him get away with it, and as for her...’ Tessa’s full mouth practically disappeared into her face as she sucked in her cheeks. ‘How could she do it? Leaving aside how many people she’s hurt over the years, how can she bear just to have a part of him?’
Max didn’t say anything, just watched as she leant back in her chair and nibbled at the skin around her thumbnail, her serious brown eyes finally coming back to meet his. ‘Mum just refuses to believe it, she just can’t see that it’s all happening again.’
For an age he didn’t answer, just stared at Tessa thoughtfully. ‘That’s her prerogative, Tessa,’ Max said slowly. ‘Maybe she knows exactly what’s going on and just chooses to ignore it. The truth hurts sometimes.
‘Anyway, enough about grown-up games, let’s get on to brighter things.’ He gave her the benefit of a very nice smile and Tessa gave a grateful sigh as Max sensibly moved the subject to safer ground. ‘I missed you while you were away.’
The grateful sigh caught in Tessa’s throat. Max saying he had missed her definitely wasn’t safer ground. Max saying he had missed her sent her imaginations soaring, and her heart fluttering, so for something to do Tessa’s thumb went up for a second nibble. ‘Don’t you mean you miss the way I do your bloods and generally clean up behind you?’ Tessa said, forcing a half-laugh, trying to keep the conversation light.
‘No, Tessa, I missed you.’
Wrong answer.
An imaginary gong sounded in Tessa’s head and she could almost hear the clock ticking as she struggled to come up with a witty reply, a quick bucket of water to douse the undercurrents that were sizzling across the table. What the hell was going on? Max never spoke like this, never leant across the table with puppy-dog eyes and nervous smiles. He’d only said that he’d missed her, Tessa frantically reasoned, but it wasn’t so much what he’d said but how he’d said it. Not once in their five-year history had there been any subtle connotations, any shifts in tempo, but all of a sudden here Max was telling her he’d missed her, with eyes that seemed to be directed to her very soul.
‘The chopper’s out,’ Tessa said in a flurry of nervousness, gesturing to the window and wishing she could rest her burning cheeks against the cool glass. ‘I can’t see anything going on, but it isn’t their usual time for a practice run.’
The tension that had built around them popped like an overblown balloon as Max turned his attention to the window. ‘It isn’t a practice, they just called for a doctor assist.’
Tessa heard the edge in his voice and found herself smiling. Max lived for call-outs, unlike Tessa whose blood ran cold each and every time she was summoned to the chopper. ‘So how come you’re not out with them?’
‘It’s Chris Burgess’s turn this week, lucky thing. I haven’t been out to a good rescue for ages.’
‘We were out there two weeks ago,’ Tessa pointed out. ‘I’ve still got the vertigo to prove it. I don’t know how you can get such a kick out of it.’
‘Tessa Hardy, you know you love it really,’ he teased, but Tessa shook her head adamantly.
‘Solid ground does it for me every time. I freeze inside when they ask for a nurse assist. It’s not the patients that worry me. I enjoy a good multi-trauma just as much as you, Max, and I love going out with the road ambulance, but helicopters...’ Tessa gave a small shudder. ‘If I never set foot in one again it will be too soon.’ Her gaze drifted back to the window. The helicopter was long since out of sight, the perfect scene uninterrupted now. ‘It’s hard to believe someone might be in trouble out there when it all looks so picture perfect.’
‘Isn’t it just?’
Something in his voice dragged Tessa’s attention away from the view, a distant pensive note that sounded so, so out of place with Max’s usual easygoing manner.
‘I guess things aren’t always as idyllic as they seem,’ he said slowly, the dark note to his voice so audible Tessa felt the hairs stand up on the back of her neck.
‘Are you all right, Max?’
For a second his eyes crinkled, but not in their usual sunny way as his face broke into a smile. Instead, deep, unfamiliar lines grooved the edges of his grey eyes as the beginning of a frown appeared. ‘It’s nothing,’ Max mumbled, fiddling with the salt shaker, which instantly hit her as strange. It was normally Tessa who fiddled, Tessa who played with her food, the sugar bowl, the teaspoons—anything she could get her hands on actually—while Max sat nonchalantly, a look of vague amusement on his carefree face.
‘If there’s a problem Max, you can talk to me,’ Tessa offered tentatively. ‘We’re friends.’
A look Tessa couldn’t quite interpret flashed in his eyes and she was quite sure, as she registered his Adam’s apple bob in his throat, that Max was working his way up to tell her something.
‘Here you are, Dr Slater, sunny side up, just as you like them.’ Like the channels changing on the television, instantly the vision shifted. The wistful moment disappeared and the larrikin was back as Max licked his lips, while Narelle busied herself arranging knives and forks.
Max always licked his lips when a plate was put in front of him, Tessa mused. He was the only person who enjoyed food as much as she did. They spent hours, literally hours, talking about recipes and restaurants and the lack of variety in the canteen’s machines at night. Mind you, unlike Tessa, Max didn’t suffer for his sins. Three bars of chocolate washed down with cola was his usual staple diet on a night shift and not a single globule of fat ended up on his tall wiry frame, whereas Tessa only had to watch him eat to suffer the consequences at the next weigh-in.
‘What’s this?’ Max’s fork stopped midway to his mouth as Narelle placed a steaming plate of bacon and eggs in front of Tessa.
‘My new diet.’ Tessa shrugged. ‘It’s low carbohydrate, or should I say no carbohydrate. Apparently loads of film stars are on it at the moment, the weight’s supposed to fall off you. And the best bit of it is that I can eat as much of this as I like.’
‘You’re not serious?’ Max stared incredulously at her heaving plate. ‘As much as you like?’
Tessa nodded. ‘The more the better. I had this for breakfast as well.’
Max peered at her plate more closely. ‘No toast to mop up the yolk?’
‘Definitely not.’
‘No mushrooms?’
‘No.’ Tessa shook her head seriously. ‘They’ve got carbohydrates.’
‘Fruit?’
Again Tessa shook her head. ‘It’s this and lots of it—no doubt I’ll be having this for dinner later. Apparently I can have cheese as well,’ she added with a slightly nauseous twinge to her voice.
‘Do you want me to ring Coronary Care now and book you a bed?’
‘You can talk,’ Tessa snapped indignantly. ‘Anyway, at least I’ll be thin as they’re strapping me to the cardiac monitor.’
‘How many times to I have to tell you, Tess? You’re fine just as you are.’
‘I don’t want to be fine,’ Tessa sighed. ‘I want to be thin and gorgeous and slip into tiny little tops and micro-skirts.’
‘Yes, please.’ Max winked. ‘To the skirts and tops I mean. OK, Tess, you’re not fine, you’re gorgeous and stunningly so—take it from a full-blooded male who knows a thing or three about women. So don’t you dare go rotting your health with yet another one of your fad diets.’
Thankfully he chose that moment to dive into his meal, which meant he wasn’t a witness to the huge blush that whooshed up Tessa’s cheeks as she fumbled with her knife and fork.
‘It can’t be good for you,’ he insisted.
‘It’s only for a couple of weeks, and for once it has nothing to do with vanity—it’s purely a financial thing.’ She watched as his forehead creased. ‘There was a letter waiting for me from the coroner’s court when I got back. I thought the inquest was going to be adjourned but it would seem that it’s going ahead at the original date.’ Despite the casual smile, Max heard the tremor in her voice. ‘And as neither of the two smart suits in my wardrobe will do up any more, it’s either this or a major splurge on my credit card.’
‘It will be all right, Tess.’ Brunch forgotten, Max put down his knife and fork and reached over the table, giving her a friendly pat on the arm. ‘You did nothing wrong that night.’
‘Let’s just hope the coroner agrees.’ A moment’s silence followed as Tessa wrestled with a sudden surge of tears in her eyes. ‘An eighteen-year-old died, Max, in my department, when I was on charge.’
‘I hate to state the obvious, Tess,’ Max ventured gently. ‘But that’s par for the course in this line of work.’
‘A coroner’s investigation isn’t the norm, though,’ Tessa responded quickly, the anxiety in her voice evident. ‘And endless interviews with the hospital’s solicitor are hardly part of my job description. If Matthew Benton’s death comes down to me I don’t think I can bear it.’
‘It won’t come down to you.’ Max’s calm voice broke in firmly. ‘Hell, Tess, the department was full to bursting and, yes, it was busy, but I’ve been over and over Matthew’s notes and everything that should have been done was done that night. Nothing was amiss, even though the place was busy, he still got all the right treatment.’
‘But did he get the best treatment?’ Her brown eyes jerked up to meet his, the question she had plagued herself with over and over coming out more forcefully than Tessa had intended. ‘I knew how stretched we were, I knew that it was getting dangerously busy. We had ambulances rolling up in pairs, a sick child in Resus, the waiting room bursting at the seams, and then we started to get in the patients from Matthew’s car crash.’
‘So you did the right thing,’ Max reasoned. ‘You realised that the place was getting too full, that the staff were being spread too thin, so you did something about it—you put the department on bypass.’
‘Ten minutes before the paramedics brought Matthew in. If I’d put the department on bypass earlier, if I’d told Ambulance Control sooner that we couldn’t accept any more patients, then they wouldn’t have come to us. They’d have taken him to another hospital that wasn’t so busy. Maybe there he’d have got better attention...’
‘And maybe he’d have died in the ambulance on the way.’
‘I know,’ Tessa said wearily, massaging her temples with her fingers, closing her eyes against the horrors of that night, but it didn’t work. They’d had this conversation numerous times, gone over and over the awful chain of events, but Max showed no impatience at the repetitive nature of the conversation. He, better than anyone, knew how much she needed to talk, needed to go over the jumble of events until hopefully they fell into some sort of order, and he waited patiently as Tessa sat with her eyes closed, struggling to hold it all together. ‘I know the outcome would probably have been the same whatever we’d done, I know all that. I’m just dreading it.’
‘Look, a day at the coroner’s court certainly isn’t one of the perks of the job,’ Max said with a dry smile, ‘but the further you go up the ladder the more it becomes a part of it. We’re accountable, Tessa, not just for our own decisions but for the actions of the staff under us, and like it or not, as unfair as it may seem, the buck stops here sometimes.’ His hand motioned the two of them and Tessa nodded glumly. ‘It isn’t a witch hunt, it’s about finding the cause of Matthew’s death, piecing together the chain of events and seeing if somewhere along the line something could have been done differently. At worst, the hospital might come in for some criticism.’ He watched as she flinched. ‘And if it does, we’ll deal with it,’ Max added gently. ‘We’ll learn from it and make damn sure that any mistakes that were made aren’t repeated. You know I’ll be there for you.’
‘I know,’ Tessa mumbled, daring to glimpse at the future when the coroner’s court was finally behind her. ‘We’ll have an extra-long lunch-break and dissect the court case over one of Narelle’s muffins.’
‘I meant that—I’ll come to the coroner’s court with you.’
Tessa looked up sharply. ‘But you weren’t even on duty when it happened.’
‘I know, but I figured you could use the moral support, so I’ve pencilled it in my diary. Dr Burgess will cover the department for me. I quite fancy a day out in the city.’
‘I don’t think there’ll be much time for sightseeing,’ Tessa pointed out with a slight edge to her voice.
‘I’m playing.’ Max smiled. ‘I just want to be there for you, I know how worked up you are about this.’
‘Y-you’re sure,’ Tessa stammered, stunned yet thrilled he would do that for her.
‘Of course I’m sure—we’re friends, aren’t we?’
‘You know we are.’ Tessa nodded gratefully then a teasing half-smile crept across her full mouth. ‘Let’s just hope it’s not adjourned, then.’ She watched as Max shuffled uncomfortably in his seat. ‘A few—actually, quite a few—little birds have been telling me that my friend Max has taken a position in London, an emergency consultant’s position, in fact, in a very busy, very respected children’s hospital. Of course, I told them they must be mistaken, I mean, surely my friend would have told me or at the very least hinted that a move was in the air, not just left me to find out on the hospital grapevine.’
‘You’ve been on a course,’ Max mumbled.
‘For five days,’ Tessa pointed out. ‘I hardly think all this was arranged while I was away on a trauma course.’
‘I just wanted to keep it under my hat until I knew I had the job.’
‘Fair enough,’ Tessa relented, but only for a second. ‘But you’ve never even given a hint that you’re fed up.’
‘I’m not.’
‘Then what on earth are you moving to the other side of the world for?’
‘Because it’s a great job—you know how much I love paediatric emergency.’
‘There’s a children’s hospital in Melbourne,’ Tessa retorted, ‘with a massive emergency department. If that was what you really wanted to do then I’m quite sure they’d have taken you on.’
‘I know,’ Max answered uncomfortably. ‘It was just too good an offer to turn down.’
‘Hmm.’ Tess stared across the table, her soft brown eyes still reproachful. ‘So some hospital in London urgently needed a doctor and thought, “Max Slater in Australia would be perfect for the job, let’s ring him now.” Come on, Max, your feelers must have at least been out. You must have applied for it.’
‘So?’
‘So, when did you start to get itchy feet and why didn’t you say anything? I know we’re not exactly bosom buddies, but I though we at least went a bit deeper than discussing Narelle’s latest creation. I thought you were really happy here.’
‘I am.’
‘So why are you going?’ Hearing a slightly needy note creep into her voice and realising she had probably gone too far, Tessa gave a small shrug and feigned a laugh. ‘Sorry, none of my business. I was just looking forward to your wedding—another excuse to go on a diet, if ever I needed one. And I’m peeved because no doubt you’ll whisk Emily off to Gretna Green and I’ll miss out on a great wedding party and my portion of the wedding cake.’
‘Emily’s not coming.’
The coffee that was on its way to Tessa’s lips stopped midway. Blinking a couple of times, she took a sip, before rather clumsily placing the cup back in its saucer. ‘Oh.’
‘It’s just me that’s leaving,’ Max added, and his eyes were avoiding Tessa’s.
Suddenly Tessa wished that she smoked. Not really, but it would be so nice now to have something to do with her hands, to create a tiny diversion while she flicked open a packet and lit up, a few seconds of grace to collect the rampaging thoughts that were stampeding through her brain.
Another ‘Oh’ was all Tessa could manage, though, coupled with a slightly dry smile as she imagined Narelle’s horror if she had dared to smoke in her beloved canteen.
‘We’ve put the wedding plans on hold.’ A smile tugged at the side of his mouth. ‘Aren’t you going to say “oh” again?’
‘Oh,’ Tessa squeaked, her mind working ten to the dozen.
‘Thing’s aren’t too great between Emily and I at the moment, but that’s just between you and me, so don’t go firing it around the hospital.’
‘I wouldn’t,’ Tessa said indignantly. ‘I only listen to the gossip, I never start it.’ They sat in silence again, but this time it certainly wasn’t comfortable. Endless questions bobbed on her tongue, but Tessa bit them back, knowing it was none of her business, knowing Max would tell her only what he wanted to.
‘London won’t know what’s hit them.’ It was a small attempt to break the strained atmosphere, a little joke to desperately lighten the mood that had suddenly taken a massive dive. ‘You’ll have to smarten up a bit.’
‘What’s wrong with what I’m wearing?’ Max replied indignantly, but he was at least smiling now they were on the familiar territory of his appalling dress sense.
‘Nothing.’ Tessa gave a cheeky wink. ‘For a walk along the beach, anyway.’
‘They’re smart shorts!’ Max protested.
‘They might be if you ironed them, and I can’t really imagine the consultants there wearing T-shirts and boat shoes.’ Tessa put up her hands in mock defence as Max opened his mouth to protest. ‘Just a mental picture I’ve got of London, Max—you know, doctors in smart suits, nurses with starched uniforms and caps.’
‘It’s the twenty-first century, Tess, that all went out with the ark.’
Tessa laughed. ‘I could be wrong, but you’re in a little bay-side town here Max, most of the patients know you already, the staff certainly do. We know that under that scruffy hair is a brilliant medical brain.’
‘Well, I’m not wearing a suit,’ Max shrugged defiantly. ‘For anyone.’
Tessa turned back to her coffee staring dreamily out of the window, images of London dancing through her mind—Piccadilly Circus, the Houses of Parliament, tree-lined streets she had seen only in televised weddings and funerals. So far away it might just as well be on another planet, and Max was actually going to be there, riding on the subway or the tube or whatever its name was, having short days and cold Christmases. Her mind danced around London as she sat there. She’d never had any desire to go, it had never even entered her head before. Despite being an eternal romantic, Tessa had her head screwed on firmly enough to realise it wasn’t all going to be rosy-cheeked children singing around Christmas trees and rolling English countryside littered with wildlife. And, no doubt, Max would grumble like crazy about the warm beer and the exchange rate, but London...
‘Maybe I should get some smart trousers,’ Max relented after a few moments’ silence, his mind obviously still on the conversation. ‘I guess I could buy a couple of shirts as well.’
‘A tie even?’ Tessa teased, and Max shuddered. ‘And while you’re at it, you might even get a haircut.’
‘You’re pushing it now,’ Max grumbled. ‘Still, I am going to have to start sorting things out, it’s only two weeks until I go.’
‘Are you excited?’
‘Yes and no.’ Max shrugged but didn’t give any more away.
‘It’s a big move, though,’ Tessa pushed, even though it was obvious that Max wanted to end the conversation. ‘You must at least be a bit nervous. Will you miss us all?’
‘It’s only for a year, Tess,’ he said, but the raw note of urgency to his voice had Tessa convinced he was assuring himself more than her. ‘Peninsula Hospital will still be here when I get back. I’m just taking a year out—things will stay the same, won’t they?’ His face was serious, his hand was back on her arm and Tessa swallowed the lump that had mysteriously appeared in her throat. ‘You’d do the same, wouldn’t you? I mean, if your dream job came up you’d grab it.’
For an age she stared at Max, but it became too hard. Too hard to look him in the eye and tell him she was OK with this. Dragging her eyes away, she drank in the view—the fisherman on the jetty, the endless beach that constantly beckoned her, the jagged rocks full of tiny pools, each one a Pandora’s box of treasures she’d gaze into and dream away the hours as she swirled her hands through the water.
Maybe London was glamorous and exciting, but it wasn’t home.
‘I’ve got my dream job, Max,’ she said softly, her eyes slowly moving back to him. ‘OK, it’s not the cutting edge of nursing, people aren’t going to look at my résumé and shake with excitement, but it’s all I want—Charge Nurse of the emergency department at Peninsula. Enough emergencies to keep the adrenaline flowing and plenty of stunning views to calm me down when it all gets too much. This is enough for me, Max. I thought it was for you as well.’
‘It is, it’s just...’ A long-fingered hand ran through his tousled hair and he let out a ragged sigh. ‘I need to talk to you, Tess.’
‘We are talking,’ Tessa said lightly, a forced smile taut on her strained face.
‘I mean away from here.’ He gestured to the room, his eyes never leaving her. ‘Away from the hospital.’
‘What about Emily?’ Tessa asked slowly.
‘She’s on call tonight.’
Another wrong answer. As the shutters came down on her eyes Max broke in quickly. ‘I don’t mean it like that, Tessa, I just really need to talk to you.’
‘No!’ Tessa said rather too forcefully. ‘It’s Emily you should be talking to about any problem you’re having with your relationship—she’s the one with your ring on her finger. And if it’s an impartial, feminine viewpoint you’re after, believe me, Max, you’re asking the wrong woman.’
‘What’s that supposed to mean?’
‘Well...’ Tessa’s eyes darted nervously, wishing she could take back the words she had just uttered and frantically searching her mind for a way to diffuse them. ‘I’m not exactly an authority on the perfect relationship. Look how many dating disasters I’ve endured in my time.’
‘I’m not asking you out for a counselling session, Tessa, I just want to talk to you.’
‘Sorry, Max.’ Tessa gave a vague shrug. ‘I’m a bit tied up at the moment.’
Never had the chimes of the emergency loudspeaker springing into life been more gratefully received and Tessa jumped up, grabbing her pager from the table as Max reluctantly joined her. ‘Come on, it looks like we’re wanted.’
‘Tessa?’ The question in his voice didn’t go unnoticed, but so innocent was the smiling face that turned to him, so wide her smile, that Max hesitated, his pensive expression shifting, his own face breaking into a wide smile that matched hers. ‘Come on, I’ll race you.’
They sped along the corridor, laughing as they did so, Tessa’s long brown hair flying behind her as she tried to keep up with Max’s effortless strides, their pagers shrilling in their pockets alerting them to head to Emergency as other hospital personnel flattened against the walls to let them past.
And to anyone watching, Tessa didn’t look as if she had a care in the world as she burst through the swing doors and headed straight for Resus.
‘Beat you.’ Max smiled before turning to Jane and getting the run-down of the trauma that was about to come through the doors.
‘You always do,’ Tessa grumbled as she ran through and set up the necessary equipment.
‘Ah, but I had an added incentive to stay ahead of you this morning.’ Max grinned as Tessa’s forehead creased. ‘How many eggs did you say you’d had?’
It was a joke, a below-the-belt joke that nurses and doctors dished out almost by the minute, a brother-sister-type tease that normally Tessa would have shrugged off before it had even registered in her brain.
But it wasn’t a normal morning, and there was nothing sisterly about the way Tessa was feeling. Max was leaving, there was no denying it now, she’d heard it straight from the horse’s mouth.
It really was going to happen.
All that talk, all that bravado about being friends had all been a lie—a lie she was so used to living. After five years it came as naturally as breathing. And her excuse to him about not being able to offer an impartial feminine viewpoint had been another one.
Feminine she could readily manage, but impartial, well, it wasn’t even a vague possibility.
Max, with his curly brown hair and teasing smile, had never, since the moment Tessa had first laid eyes on him, been just a friend. Max, with his crumpled clothes and banana-skin humour, who could make her cry with laughter one minute and suddenly be serious the next, was so much more than her work confidant, brunch buddy and sounding-board.
There was nothing impartial about Tessa’s feelings.
Max Slater was the man that she loved.
CHAPTER TWO
‘SORRY to drag you back, guys. The story’s a bit vague from Ambulance Control so I thought it best to be prepared.’
‘No problem,’ Max replied easily. ‘What do we know so far?’
‘Speedboat versus jet-ski.’
‘Ouch.’ Max rolled his eyes. ‘How many?’
‘Three from the boat, two with seemingly minor injuries and one unconscious, thankfully they were all wearing life jackets.’
‘And the jet-skier?’ Tessa asked, mentally assessing the injuries and matching her staff available.
‘He’s not been so lucky, I’m afraid. It would seem he wasn’t wearing a life jacket. The report from Ambulance Control is that he’s got multiple injuries, including a possible broken neck. They were going to take him straight to the spinal unit, that’s why I held off calling you, but apparently he’s gone into full cardiac arrest in the helicopter so they’re bringing him here.’
The spinal unit was only another thirty minutes or so in the helicopter but, given that full resuscitation was in progress, thirty minutes along the bay was too long and Tessa gave a small grimace. ‘Hopefully we can get him there later. How do you want to work this, Jane?’
Technically the allocation was up to Tessa as she was the charge nurse on duty, but Jane was a senior nurse and this morning Tessa had let her be in charge, gradually allowing more responsibility to fall onto Jane’s shoulders, with the intention being that she could soon oversee the department by herself.
‘Well, I’d like to take the full resus, but I guess if I’m supposed to be running the show I should take the unconscious boat victim and direct traffic.’
‘Good call.’ Tessa’s voice was encouraging, but inwardly she sighed at Jane’s persistent lack of foresight. As good an emergency nurse as Jane was, she had rather too much bravado about her and a noticeable unwillingness to delegate, far happier to be in the thick of things than running the show. It was something Tessa was working on quietly, but with rather limited success. ‘But the boat victim is an unknown entity. You might find yourself just as tied up with him.’
Jane chewed her lip thoughtfully, and Tessa glanced at her fob watch, willing her colleague to hurry up and make a decision.
‘Why don’t you send Kim in?’ Tessa said finally when it was obviously they weren’t getting anywhere.
‘But she’s only a grad nurse,’ Jane protested, itching to pull on her latex gloves and get on with the job she loved.
‘A grad nurse who needs more resuscitation experience,’ Tessa pointed out. ‘First-hand experience is the only way she’ll learn and at least Max is on so he’ll watch her like a hawk. I can oversee them while I deal with the boat victim.’
‘So when I’m in charge I just get to stay in the corridor and direct traffic?’
‘Well, there’s a bit more than that.’ Tessa smiled at her colleague’s disappointed face. ‘You’ll be run off your feet with relatives and us calling for things, but that’s the way it is when you’re in charge, Jane. Someone has to be the chief.’
‘Great,’ Jane muttered as Tessa made her way into Resus, more than happy to be in the thick of things again.
‘Sorry, guys, I was stuck in Theatre. What’s the story?’
Even if Tessa hadn’t recognised the voice, the sudden tension that filled the room told Tessa that Emily had arrived and, more annoyingly, Tessa didn’t even have to look up to know that the sight that would have greeted her would have been one of unruffled, petite beauty.
Emily never looked ruffled. The woman had probably spent the morning pulling dislocated hips and shoulders into place and yet her blonde hair was pulled back into a perfectly neat ponytail, her theatre blues looked tailor-made and her clear, china blue eyes never wandered as she listened intently to the brief history given by a suddenly nervous Jane.
Emily had that effect on women.
On men, too.
Come to think of it, Tessa grumbled to herself as she assembled equipment, even three-year-olds quaked when Emily approached.
She might look like a tiny fragile porcelain doll, but two minutes in her company soon put paid to that. Emily Elves hadn’t made it to orthopaedic registrar courtesy of her good looks, and the fact her father was the top obstetrician in the hospital wouldn’t count for anything when she went for the consultant’s position at the end of the month. No, Emily had made it this far in a man’s world through steely determination, a brilliant medical mind and an utter disregard for emotion.
‘So the jet-skier wasn’t wearing a life jacket.’ Her blue eyes finally swivelled to Max when the history was completed and a wry smile appeared on her smooth face. ‘Did you hear that, Max?’
‘No doubt it’s all I’m going to hear for the next few days,’ Max responded with a slight edge to his voice that instantly had the room enthralled.
‘You see,’ Emily explained, still smiling as she started to pull up some drugs from the trolley, ‘Max Slater, your, oh, so responsible emergency consultant, the lynchpin of the department, the one we’re supposed to look to for guidance, well, he thought he might try his hand at jet-skiing last weekend.’
Everyone laughed. It was the type of conversation that often took place as the adrenaline kicked in while they waited for the arrival of patients, but even though Tessa joined in the laughter a small frown puckered her brow. As commonplace as this type of conversation might be amongst the staff in Emergency, it was a revelation to hear Emily opening up. Emily Elves was eternally private. In fact, normally she went out of her way to keep her professional and personal lives completely separate, yet here she was for the first time in memory telling anyone who was interested about her weekend with Max. There was definitely something strange going on.
But Tessa had no choice but to listen and laugh along with the rest of the rabble and it hurt.
Really hurt.
‘Of course,’ Emily continued, ‘I knew nothing about it. There I was, having a doze on the beach, half listening as some hoon came in way too close to the shore, laughing his head off, whooping with enjoyment and generally making a nuisance of himself, you get the picture. It was only when the yob in question started calling my name did I sit up and take notice...’
‘I was only on the jet-ski for ten minutes,’ Max argued. ‘If that. Mind you...’ he grinned ‘...it was the best ten minutes of my life.’
‘And it could very well have been the last ten minutes,’ Emily said pointedly, cocking her head as the sound of the chopper got louder. ‘Need I say more?’
Thankfully she didn’t. The last thing Tessa needed this morning was cosy little images of Emily and Max at the beach, no doubt with Emily skinny and gorgeous, some tiny little bikini accentuating her smooth brown skin, good-naturedly bickering about Max’s casual attitude to the world at large, Max’s take-it-or-leave-it slant on things.
It was a relief when the patients arrived and Tessa could concentrate on work.
The first victim to arrive was the unfortunate jet-skier. Though no longer in full arrest, he was still dangerously close to it.
‘OK, Kim, just listen to Max, he’s supporting the neck so he’s the team leader.’ Tessa hovered in the background, watching closely as Kim worked intently. As important as it was to give the staff experience, it could never be at the expense of patient care, and in this instance any hesitation could prove fatal. The lift over to the trolley was swift but very controlled, given the likelihood of spinal injuries, and Tessa tried not to interfere too much as she watched Kim’s shaking hands change over the equipment from the rescue team’s to the unit’s own. Already the young man was intubated. The paramedics had put a tube in place in his throat, thus securing the airway, and intravenous access had been established.
‘Right, Kim, look at the cardiac monitor. What do you see?’
Kim swallowed hard, her cheeks colouring as she stared at the machine. ‘His heart rate’s slow.’
‘Yep, he’s in sinus bradycardia, so what drugs do you think he’ll need?’
‘Atropine?’ The answer was right but Tessa could hear the question in the Kim’s voice.
‘Good,’ Tessa said encouragingly. ‘Max is checking his airway now—that’s the first priority—but once he looks at the monitor no doubt he’ll be calling for atropine or adrenaline so if you can try to preempt what he’ll need, you’ll have a head start. You may well be wrong but at least it’s easier to pull up the drugs and have them ready to hand over to him before he starts calling for them.’
‘Atropine.’ Max’s word was clipped, not even looking up he placed an impatient hand out, and thankfully Kim was able to pass him the drug immediately.
‘Get the chest-tube pack out,’ Tessa whispered, watching Max frown as he palpated the young man’s ribcage and run through a flask of mannitol. As the resus doors slid open and Tessa’s patient arrived, she gave her colleague’s shoulder a quick squeeze. ‘Don’t mind Max if he shouts. It’s not aimed at you personally, it’s just his way.’
It was just his way, Tessa thought as she started to work on her own patient, ignoring a rather loud expletive coming from Max’s general direction. Max, passionate about every patient, would be working on the young jet-skier as if it were his own family member lying near to death on the resus trolley. And if he lost his temper, if he shouted because the equipment he’d only just asked for wasn’t in his hand now, it was easily forgiven. Everyone knew they were watching a genius at work, and a genius was surely allowed the odd eccentricity.
Unlike Emily, Tessa thought to herself as she set to work on the latest admission. Not that Emily wasn’t a diligent and talented doctor, but her work technique and bedside manner didn’t even begin to compare to Max’s. The young man before them was flailing around on the gurney, distressed, in pain, terrified and, Tessa thought, confused, which was more ominous than the rest of his symptoms put together. And with little reassurance to her patient, Emily commenced her examination as Tessa struggled to hold the young man down and reassure him.
‘Stay still for me.’ That was the sum total of Emily’s communication with her patient as her hands worked their way down his body, leaving it to Tessa to attempt an explanation. But explanations were hard to give in the absence of information and Emily, as usual, was giving nothing away.
Emily worked in a completely different manner to Max. Emotions were kept strictly in check as she thought things through in her own time, and from a nursing perspective she wasn’t the easiest doctor to work with. There was no pre-empting her, no little clues along the way, nothing in her calm exterior to indicate what was going in that clever head of hers.
‘What’s his blood pressure?’ Emily’s voice was completely calm, as if she were asking if there was any milk in the fridge or if anyone had thought to buy a newspaper this morning. The coffee-room or the resus ward was all dealt with in the same unflappable manner. Her meticulous, very neat little hands methodically examined the restless body.
‘It’s up,’ Tessa said, glancing over at the machine. ‘One hundred and ninety on a hundred.’
There was no reaction from Emily as she carried on working her way down the patient. ‘Do we have a name?’
‘Phil’s all we’ve got at the moment,’ a voice called from the back of the room, and Tessa nodded her thanks to the paramedic who was writing up his notes in the corner.
‘Phil, try and stay still for me while I examine you.’
Which didn’t exactly calm the agitated man down.
‘You’ve been in an accident, Phil,’ Tessa added as diplomatically as she could, keeping her voice calm and even as she orientated her patient. ‘You’re at Peninsula Hospital. Dr Elves here is just going have a look at you.’
‘His shoulder’s dislocated,’ Emily said, more to herself than anyone.
‘His oxygen sats are low,’ Tessa said grimly, ‘even though he’s on ten litres of oxygen.’
‘Hmm, he’s got a few fractured ribs as well.’
Sometimes Tessa wanted to shake Emily. An excellent doctor she might be, but she was a lousy team player. Nothing in her calm expression, her clear blue eyes let the staff know what she was thinking—unlike Max, who wore his heart on the sleeve. Right now Tessa was worried about the head injury. By all accounts, Phil had been unconscious for some time, his agitated ramblings and high blood pressure all indicative of a serious head injury, but Emily, though aware of the facts, seemed more concerned about his shoulder.
‘Let’s get his shoulder back in place then we’ll see where we are.’
‘Do you need anything?’ Tessa ventured, hoping against hope Emily wasn’t going to do the procedure without anaesthetic but knowing the call was Emily’s.
‘Some traction, please,’ Emily said without looking up. ‘And make sure the brakes are on the trolley.’
Tessa bit her tongue. Giving the patient pain control now would mask any symptoms of his head injury, but to do it without anaesthetic would be agony. She watched as Emily slipped off her shoes and realised Phil was going to need all the sweet-talking Tessa could manage.
‘It will only take a second,’ Emily said assuredly. ‘Are you going to provide the traction?’
It was more an order than a request. Reluctantly, and trying hard not to show it, Tessa held onto the unfortunate man’s shoulder, watching as Emily placed the ball of her foot in his armpit. For someone so tiny she was incredibly strong, which was an absolute prerequisite in orthopaedics. Leaning back, Emily pulled as Tessa took the head end and utilised every last bit of her strength to hold the trolley steady and provide the necessary traction that would enable Emily to slip the shoulder back into place. Engaged in their own tug of war for a moment, just as Emily had predicted, the shoulder slipped back easily into place and instantly Tessa felt Phil relax under her hands.
Emily was good, Tessa admitted grudgingly.
Very good.
‘Better?’ Tessa asked gently, smiling as her patient nodded, responding appropriately for the first time since his arrival. His eyes were closed, though, only opening when Tessa spoke.
‘It was killing me.’
‘Do you know where you are?’
Phil didn’t answer immediately, his eyes closing between sentences, and Tessa had to prompt him to stay awake. ‘Phil, do you know where you are?’
His battered, sunburnt face turned and stared at the badge hanging around Tessa’s neck. ‘Hospital?’
Tessa smiled. ‘Is that an educated guess?’
‘I’m afraid so,’ he answered, drifting off again until Tessa none too gently tweaked his ear, which roused him enough for a slightly longer conversation.
‘Do you remember anything that happened?’ Ticking off Phil’s responses in the observation chart, Tessa tried to keep the assessment as light as possible. She could see the effort in Phil’s face as he attempted to recall the morning’s events, see the fear in his eyes, the slight note of panic in his voice, and knew it was only a matter of time before the full impact of what had happened took hold.
‘We were just out, doing some waterskiing, having a laugh...’ He frowned as loud rhythmic banging came from behind the curtain, and Tessa felt her heart sink as she realised that the other young man had obviously slipped back into cardiac arrest, the rhythmic banging a desperate attempt to massage the stilled heart into action. ‘Some kid on a jet-ski, he’d have only been about nineteen... He just came from nowhere.’
Max’s orders were coming thick and fast now, and as she heard his call for two hundred joules Tessa forced her eyes to stay on her patient, listening to the defibrillator charging up behind her. She could hear Jane’s voice, so there was no need for her to go and help, but it didn’t mean her heart wasn’t on the other side of the curtain, willing the young man to pull through.
‘Do you remember anything else?’ Tessa asked gently, but as Phil went to answer again Max’s voice broke in.
‘Everybody back.’
Phil lay in agonised silence as the click of the shock being delivered filled the resuscitation room. ‘Is that him?’
Technically Tessa didn’t need to answer. Discussing other patients was taboo at the best of times but, given that only a thin curtain separated the two patients, it seemed cruel and pointless to dismiss Phil’s heavy question with a dismissive shrug, so instead she gave a small nod, watching as Phil’s face dropped, placing a gentle hand on his good arm.
‘They’re doing everything they can.’
‘How’s it going?’ Jane’s grim face popped around the curtain.
‘Emily’s just popped his shoulder back, he’s a lot more comfortable.’
‘Do you want to move him over to one of the cubicles?’ Jane’s wide eyes left Tessa in no doubt that the news was only going to get worse for the young jet-skier. And it would probably be kinder to move Phil, less traumatic for him to be in his own space with his own thoughts, rather than listening to the terrible events unfolding a few steps away. Now was a time for one of nursings tough calls. Despite the reduction of his shoulder dislocation, Phil’s blood pressure was still dangerously high, and Tessa still wasn’t satisfied with his consciousness level. The ease at which he drifted off when she wasn’t prompting him worried Tessa, and the thought of him unobserved in a cubicle couldn’t be justified because of the traumatic events taking place in the resuscitation room.
‘We’ll keep him here for now.’ Tessa made a small gesture to the monitors and Jane nodded her understanding, moving aside as Luke appeared with the portable X-ray machine and handed Tessa a lead gown.
‘I think Max wants a quick C-spine in the next cubicle,’ Tessa said in businesslike tones, ignoring the rather eager smile Luke was wearing. Six weeks ago they had shared one very questionable date, and for Luke, at least, it wasn’t over yet. ‘Then, no doubt, there’ll be a pile of films for you to do here. I’ll take a lead gown for the doctors, and Kim next door as well.’
‘Tessa.’ Kim’s call from the next cubicle merited more than a ‘yes’ and, nodding to Emily, Tessa ducked round the curtain, attempting to slip a very heavy lead coat over Max’s head as he examined the patient, tying it up at the sides she tried, and failed, not to notice the musky scent of him, the light hairs on his arms, the quiet strength of his lean body.
He didn’t acknowledge her and neither did Tessa expect him to.
‘Sorry to be a pain,’ Kim started, as Tessa offered to slip a protective coat gown on her, her face red from the exertion of giving cardiac massage. ‘It’s just...I’d rather not be here while they do the X-rays.’
Her already red face was almost beetroot now and Tessa felt sorry for her. That was the trouble with nursing: nothing was sacred. The fact Kim didn’t want to stay while the films were being done could only mean she was either pregnant or hoping to be, and while most of the general population were able to sit on their secrets, emergency nurses didn’t have that luxury. Though Tessa’s curiosity was naturally aroused, she didn’t show it.
‘Sure,’ Tessa said lightly. ‘You take over Phil next door and duck outside while the X-rays are being done.’
‘I’m sorry,’ Kim said again, needlessly. ‘I should have said something earlier.’
‘That’s the trouble with this place,’ Max said dryly, ‘it’s never early enough. Go,’ he said with a small wink. ‘Tessa and I know now, that’s enough to be going on with, and don’t worry about Fred here.’ He gestured to the anaesthetist who looked up at the mention of his name. ‘We’ll cover for you till you’re ready for the world at large. Isn’t that right, Fred?’
‘Sure,’ Fred mumbled, obviously bemused at what he was agreeing to.
‘Thanks, guys.’
Taking over the massage, Tessa called Kim back. ‘Phil’s upset about this one,’ she said in low tones, ‘but I don’t think he’s well enough to be moved. I know that he looks pretty good on paper, but I’m not happy with him.’
‘What does Emily say about him?’ Max asked, not even bothering to look up from the array of monitors he was watching like a hawk.
‘Not much,’ Tessa said tactfully. ‘She’s reduced his shoulder, so he’s a lot more settled. She’ll probably do another neurological assessment now that he’s calmer.’
‘Well, keep a close eye on his neuro obs, and if you’re worried, I’m only here,’ he offered, which was the closest to an acknowledgment of Emily’s poor communication skills they were going to get.
‘Sure.’
Fred spoke with an air of weary resignation. ‘Max, we’ve been going for fifteen minutes with no response—there’s been nothing since he arrested in the ambulance.’
‘He had a pulse when they pulled him out of the water, and a pulse when he first arrived here,’ Max snapped, but the anaesthetist shook his head.
‘Yes, but he wasn’t breathing, heaven only knows for how long. His neck’s broken, he’s got multiple injuries—’
‘Let’s just wait for the X-ray, shall we.’ It wasn’t a question, it was a statement, and Fred shrugged and raised his eyebrows at Tessa who, in an attempt at diplomacy, said nothing. There was nothing unkind in Fred’s words or actions, just the awful deliverance of the truth.
But Max didn’t want to hear it.
Fred held the X-ray film against the patient’s neck as Luke lined up the machine for his shot.
‘What time do you finish, Tessa? I thought we might hit that new wine bar that’s opened.’ Luke’s apparent casualness belied his slightly nervous stance.
‘I don’t think so,’ Tessa said abruptly, annoyed with Luke not only for embarrassing her but also for his blatant disregard for the patient. Unconscious he might be, but attempting to arrange a date when a young man lay desperately ill was pushing the boundaries of decency in Tessa’s book.
Max’s, too, from the dark look he shot at them both.
‘I’ll take over the massage.’ Max moved in, clearly annoyed. ‘You wait outside.’
Tessa shook her head. ‘I’m fine,’ she said quickly. ‘We’ve already had one change-over with the massage, it’s better not to disrupt things again. Anyway, it’s only one X-ray and I’ve got a protective gown on.’
‘Which isn’t done up,’ Max pointed out. ‘Hold on a second, Luke.’
Like a reflex action, Tessa pulled in her stomach as Max came around, his deft hands pulling the ties together as Tessa worked seemingly unruffled by his closeness. ‘Got to protect those ovaries.’
Another tiny comment, another little reference to her femininity, and from anyone else it would have left her mind as soon as it had been said.
But that was the problem with being in love.
Every tiny statement, every throw-away comment was stored and filed then taken out later, poured over and analysed. And every touch, however fleeting, however unambiguous, registered like a size five earthquake on the Richter scale.
It took every ounce of Tessa’s professionalism to carry on counting in her mind as she carried on the massage.
The X-rays seemed to take for ever to be developed. Tessa carried on with the massage as Max snapped his orders to a flustered Kim, who was running between the two beds. He used every drug on the trolley and a few more, gave the young man every last shot, used every trick in the book in an attempt to get his youthful heart started, but when Luke came back and pushed the film on the viewfinder Tessa knew at a glance it had all been futile.
For a moment or three Max stared, taking the film down and holding it up to the light as if a different view might make the terrible image look different.
‘Max.’ It was all she said but it was enough to break the awful loaded silence.
‘Maybe we should try...’ he began, his eyes darting to the drug trolley, his hands reaching for the internal telephone.
Max could summon who he liked to the department, use every last drug on the trolley, surf the net for any breakthroughs since yesterday with spinal injuries, but for the young man who lay on the resuscitation no amount of technology was going to save him, and the horror of his X-ray only confirmed the fact.
He was beyond saving.
‘Max.’ Tessa said again this time more definitely as Fred swivelled his eyes between them.
Max nodded then, the tiniest briefest of nods as he replaced the receiver in its cradle. ‘Stop the massage.’
Only then did Tessa stop. It had been Max’s call and she knew how hard it had been for him to make it. The three stood there, waited and watched the machines, because that was what they had to do, that was what protocol dictated.
It was Fred who moved first, flicking off the monitor and turning off the oxygen when the miracle they had all been secretly hoping for didn’t materialise. ‘Sorry, guys.’
Nobody spoke as Max performed his final examination. ‘Time of death, twelve fifty-two.’ He didn’t write it down, just stood for a quiet moment, his fists clenched in a strange, defiant sort of salute, then strode off, as Tessa wrote the time in her notebook, knowing Max would need it later.
‘Sorry,’ Fred said again. ‘It’s horrible, losing them when they’re this young.’ Shaking his head, he gave Tessa a weary smile. ‘I wouldn’t like to be around Max in London, when it’s little children lying on the resus bed. It’s going to hurt like hell there.’
The fact Tessa didn’t know her patient’s name didn’t stop her from caring, didn’t stop the sting of tears in her eyes when she looked at the young body before her. Yes, it was part of the job and, yes, she was used to dealing with death, but the professionalism ingrained into her, the familiar scenario of an emergency room, didn’t provide enough of a buffer for the emotions that assailed her. Fred was right, the loss of a young life hurt like hell.
Always would.
Somewhere she had read or heard that a spirit stayed with the body for a while, and though Tessa really didn’t know if that was true or not, the thought made her stay a while longer than needed. A moment or two of gentle talk and a little prayer because maybe, and again she wasn’t sure, maybe it helped. And when there was nothing more she could do, she quietly made her way out from the curtain.
‘No good, huh?’
Phil was still staring at the ceiling, a salty tear slipping down his temple into his hair.
‘No,’ Tessa said softly. ‘I’m sorry you had to hear all that.’
‘Don’t worry about me, love. In some ways it was better.’ He gave a very wobbly smile. ‘Better than being just told he died, that I’d just killed someone.’
‘It was an accident, Phil,’ Tessa pointed out, but he just shook his head, refusing her crumbs of comfort.
‘I got up this morning and the sun was shining and all I could think was what a great day it was to be alive. You just never know how your life’s going to change, do you? Still, at least I know you all did your best for him, I know that he was given every chance. I’m just going to have to learn how to live with it now.’
‘Go and grab a coffee,’ Kim mouthed over the patient, and even though Tessa didn’t particularly want a drink, even though she knew that Kim was just as upset as she was, Tessa also knew that in a few moments she’d have to face the relatives.
Five minutes out was too good to pass up.
* * *
‘Before you say “I can’t save them all,” I know all that.’ Max was staring out of the window, his shoulders hunched as if there was a cold wind, not even bothering to turn as Tessa tentatively came into the staffroom.
For a second she wondered how he had known it was her, but she didn’t say anything, just stood at the door, watching Max, feeling his pain and wishing more than anything in the world that she could go over and put her arms around him, somehow ease some of the agony she knew that he was feeling.
But it wasn’t her place.
‘Here...’ Walking over, she handed him the casualty card which Max stared at for a moment. ‘You’d best write it up while it’s still fresh in your mind.’
‘As if I’m going to forget.’ Tossing the card down, he moved nearer the window. ‘Did you finish arranging your date with Luke?’
There was a spiteful note to his voice that Tessa for the moment ignored, choosing instead to put him right in a calm and matter-of-fact voice. ‘It was Luke who was inappropriate in there, Max, not me.’
Tessa’s apparent calmness only accentuated his pettiness and Max at least had the grace to look shamefaced. ‘I’m sorry.’
‘What’s going on, Max?’ She watched as he stiffened, and though her question was bold and direct, there was nothing brave about how Tessa was feeling. She had only been gone a week, but in that short space of time so much seemed to have changed. Something had happened, not just between Max and Emily, not just the fact he was leaving for London. Their friendship seemed to have shifted, subtly perhaps but there was a definite move away from the easy comradeship they had enjoyed for the last five years, a definite shift in Max’s demeanour towards her.
‘Nothing’s going on,’ Max finally answered. ‘I just didn’t like the way Luke was behaving. I shouldn’t have taken it out on you, I know you’ve got more integrity than to speak over a patient like that.’
She could have pushed, could have insisted on a deeper response, but even as Tessa opened her mouth to probe further, she knew she wasn’t going to. Max wanted to talk, he’d already told her that, and though a cosy meal might answer a few of her questions, it could only generate a multitude of others.
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