A December To Remember
Sue MacKay
Reunited in paradise…Arriving in Laos, Dr Ellie Thompson is determined to look to the future. The last thing she expects is to come face-to-face with her past, in the shape of her one-time best friend Dr Luca Chirsky – or to find him so very attractive!Luca knows first-hand that love doesn’t last, and he won’t surrender his emotions to anyone. But after four years apart he’s looking at Ellie with new eyes. And this time he knows that one Christmas kiss will never be enough…
Luca’s jaw moved as he swallowed. He was staring at her, his eyes unblinking. When he spoke his voice was low and loaded with emotion. ‘It’s been too long, El.’
Way too long—and the worst thing was that she hadn’t even noticed until today. She reached out to hug him, as she’d used to whenever they’d celebrated an exam pass or saved a patient. But Luca’s arms were suddenly tugging her in against his body, his head dipping so that his mouth found hers.
Ellie breathed deep, drawing him in as the heat and emotion swirling around them obscured everything in the world except them and this moment. Luca tasted of spices, of warm memories and of hot male. Surrendering to the need clawing through her, she focused on kissing him back.
As suddenly as it had started the kiss ended. Luca abruptly dropped his arms and stumbled backwards. ‘Ellie, I’m so sorry. I don’t know what came over me.’ And then he was gone, racing back the way they’d come.
Her heart pounded hard and fast while her hands shook and her skin tightened with need. Luca. What had they done? Whatever it was, she wasn’t sorry. But she should be. Shouldn’t she …?
Dear Reader (#ulink_6a825934-05be-5445-be0e-06be6c9a7e26),
Do best friends change into lovers gradually or with a resounding thump? I went with the thump theory! Luca and Ellie haven’t seen each other for four years when they meet up by chance at an amputee clinic for children in Vientiane, Laos, and immediately both know their relationship has changed. Is it because of what’s gone on in their personal lives over the past years? Or have they woken up to something that might always have been simmering behind their friendship?
Laos is a beautiful country, which I had the opportunity to visit a few years back, and Vientiane is a busy but compact city full of colour and noise that made me smile all the time. The market where Luca and Ellie go shopping also kept me busy, buying leather bags and earrings. Then I visited Luang Prabang, where the night market is fabulous and the earrings … Well, I have quite a collection. So I had to send Ellie and Luca there, which is a defining moment in their relationship. They visit the bear sanctuary and ride the elephants—and fall further in love.
I hope you enjoy their journey—the emotional one, that is.
Feel free to drop by and tell me your thoughts at sue.mackay56@yahoo.com (mailto:sue.mackay56@yahoo.com) or cruise by my site at suemackay.co.nz (http://suemackay.co.nz).
Cheers!
Sue
With a background of working in medical laboratories, and a love of the romance genre, it is no surprise that SUE MACKAY writes Mills & Boon Medical Romance stories. An avid reader all her life, she wrote her first story at age eight—about a prince, of course. She lives with her own hero in the beautiful Marlborough Sounds, at the top of New Zealand’s South Island, where she indulges her passions for the outdoors, the sea and cycling.
A December
to Remember
Sue MacKay
www.millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk)
This one’s for Daphne Priest and Diane Passau—two women I’ve known most of my life and with whom I shared many experiences as we grew up.
Thanks for the catch-up lunch and may we share many more.
Hugs, Sue.
Praise for Sue MacKay (#ulink_bdac61b6-085c-5889-9244-9ac917dc5b24)
‘A deeply emotional, heart-rending story that will make you smile and make you cry. I truly recommend it—and don’t miss the second book: the story about Max.’
—HarlequinJunkie on The Gift of a Child
‘What a great book. I loved it. I did not want it to end. This is one book not to miss.’
—GoodReads on The Gift of a Child
Contents
Cover (#u9054784a-a5eb-58d4-8136-14c2545d937e)
Introduction (#u77de993c-4e20-518a-8b8f-283f7d282576)
Dear Reader (#u4ae9cfc3-7b18-5c2c-a799-0eaa02849f1a)
About the Author (#u391c6d64-f0eb-5105-b270-a9784a0c2a13)
Title Page (#u5e283df4-7151-5084-aa7d-bff8fc7b2ee5)
Dedication (#u39772a2b-c904-5607-bf2e-75886473e8b6)
Praise for Sue MacKay (#uf6659cb3-6502-583d-a7c0-daae28586f99)
CHAPTER ONE (#u7041c259-b8f9-5d82-b0dc-3672fd509965)
CHAPTER TWO (#ub3a7d5dc-d658-5094-ab2f-0815f3547e8d)
CHAPTER THREE (#uc0777209-f053-548f-90f2-eebd24ae5c1e)
CHAPTER FOUR (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER FIVE (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER SIX (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER SEVEN (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER EIGHT (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER NINE (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER TEN (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER ELEVEN (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER TWELVE (#litres_trial_promo)
Copyright (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER ONE (#ulink_dc8dafa1-dc81-5705-ab42-9f7d0f0489d8)
‘PHA THAT LUANG,’ the jumbo driver said over his shoulder, pointing to a stunning white temple behind high gates with two guards standing to attention outside. On elegantly crafted pillars gold gleamed in the bright sunlight. ‘Stupa.’
‘Wow, it’s beautiful,’ Ellie Thompson whispered. She even hadn’t noticed they’d driven into the centre of Vientiane, her brain being half–shut down with sleep deprivation. Wake up and smell the roses. You’re in Laos, she admonished herself. But she was shattered. Too bad. New start to life, remember? Probably no roses in Laos. Definitely no ex.
Right. Forget tiredness. Forget the humiliation of everyone from the CEO right down to the laundry junior at Wellington Hospital knowing her husband had left her for her sister. Forget the pain and anger. Start enjoying every day for what it could bring. There’d be no nasty surprises for the next four weeks while in Laos. She could relax.
Holding up her phone, Ellie leaned over the side to click away continuously until the temple was out of sight. Slumping back against the hard seat, she thought longingly of the air-conditioned taxis that had been waiting outside the border crossing at Nong Khai railway station. With the sweat trickling down between her shoulder blades adding to her unkempt appearance, this windowless mode of transport open to the air, dust and insects kind of said she’d had a brain fade when she’d chosen the jumbo over a taxi. But taxis were old hat, jumbos were not. Except right now a shower and bed were looking more and more tempting, and sightseeing a distant second.
Leaning forward, she asked the driver, ‘How far?’
‘Not long.’ He shrugged.
Guess that could mean anything from five minutes to an hour. Shuffling her backside to try to get comfortable, she watched the spectacular sights they passed, nothing like New Zealand at all. Vientiane might be small and compact but there were people everywhere. Locals moved slowly with an air of having all day to accomplish whatever it was they had to do, while jostling tourists were snapping photos of everything from temples to bugs crawling on the pavement as if their lives depended on it.
After a twelve-hour flight from Wellington to Bangkok, followed by a thirteen-hour turned into sixteen-hour train trip to Laos, Ellie’s exhaustion overshadowed the excitement only days ago she’d struggled to keep under control. Yep, she’d had a few days after she’d finished at the hospital for good when she’d begun to look forward to her trip instead of constantly looking over her shoulder to see who was talking about her. That excitement was still there; it just needed a kick in the backside to come out of hiding.
This was her first visit to Indochina and her driver was taking her to the amputee centre and hospital where she’d signed on until the second week of December. Ellie pinched herself. This was real. She’d finally taken the first step towards moving beyond the mess that had become her life and recharging the batteries so she could make some decisions about her future. ‘Where to from here?’ had been the question nagging her relentlessly for months. Laos was only a stopgap. But it was a start. Then there was the six-month stint to come in Auckland. It was the gap of nearly four weeks between jobs that worried her. Those weeks included Christmas and had her stomach twisting in knots. She was not going to her parents’ place to play happy families when her sister would be there.
As the jumbo bumped down a road that had lost most of its seal the yawns were rolling out of her. Damn, but the air was thick with heat. Her make-up was barely sticking to her face and where her sunglasses touched her cheeks they slid up and down, no doubt making a right royal mess. So not the look she wanted to present to her new colleagues, but trying to fix the problem with more make-up would only exacerbate her untidy appearance. Nor did she carry an iron in her handbag to tidy up the rumpled look sported by her cotton trousers and sleeveless T-shirt. Today a fashion statement she was not. Hopefully everyone would see past that and accept her for her doctoring skills, if nothing else. That was all that was required of her anyway, besides being all she had to give these days.
Taking that train instead of flying from Bangkok hadn’t been her wisest decision but back home it had sounded wonderful when the travel agent showed her the photos—highly enhanced pictures, she now realised. Face it, even riding all the way here on an elephant would’ve been tempting compared to living in the shadow of her ex and the woman he now lived with. Caitlin. Her sister. Her ex-sister. Her supposedly close and loving sister. Pain lanced her. The really awful thing was she still missed Caitlin, missed their closeness, the talks— Huh, the talks that obviously hadn’t mentioned anything about both of them loving the same man. Her husband.
Sounding bitter, Ellie. Damn right she was bitter. Freddy had slept with Caitlin—while still married to her. She shook her head. The self-pity was back in New Zealand, as was the humiliation from having people knowing what happened. Putting up with everyone’s apparent sympathy when most of those so-called concerned friends enjoyed keeping the hospital gossip mill rolling along had been gross.
But no more. Her contract was at an end, and nothing the CEO had said or offered had tempted her in the slightest to stay on. From now on she’d look the world in the eye, and make plans for Ellie Thompson. Taking back her maiden name had only been the first step. She liked her brand-new passport with its first stamps for a journey she was taking alone, in a place no one knew her or her history. It was a sign of things to come.
She patted her stomach. Down, butterflies, down.
Then they turned the corner and at the end of the street a muddy river flowed past and she leaned forward again.
‘Is that the Mekong?’ When the driver didn’t answer she raised her voice and enunciated clearly, ‘The river? The Mekong?’
He turned to nod and smile his toothless smile. ‘Yes. Mekong.’
The mighty Mekong. She’d always wanted to see the famous river and now it was less than a kilometre away. ‘Wow,’ she repeated. She knew where she’d be going for her first walk in this delightful place. Another yawn stretched her mouth. That would have to be after she’d slept round the clock.
‘I show you.’ A sharp turn and they were heading straight for the river. Their stop was abrupt, with Ellie putting her hands out to prevent slamming against the seat in front of her.
‘Out, out.’ Her new friend smiled. ‘See Mekong.’
He was so enthusiastic she couldn’t find it in her to say she really wanted to get to her destination. Anyway, wasn’t she supposed to be grabbing this adventure with both hands? Climbing down, she went to stand on the edge of the river beside the driver. It looked like running mud, nothing like the clear waters of New Zealand rivers. But it was the Mekong. ‘It’s real. I’m here right by the river my dad used to talk about.’ Except he’d seen it in Vietnam. ‘Hard to imagine all the countries this water flows through.’
The driver stared at her blankly. Her English obviously beyond his comprehension. Or too fast. She tried again, a lot slower this time, and was rewarded with a glower at the mention of Vietnam.
‘Go now.’
Okay, lesson learned. Avoid mentioning the neighbours. After a few quick photos she climbed back into the jumbo, fingers crossed they were nearly at the clinic.
The next thing Ellie knew she was jerking forward and sliding to the edge of her seat.
‘Here centre,’ her driver told her. He must’ve braked hard.
She’d fallen asleep with all those amazing sights going by? Idiot. Looking around, she noted the rutted dirt road they’d stopped on. Beyond was a long, low building made of concrete blocks, painted drab grey. A few trees that she didn’t recognise grew in the sparsely grassed front yard. Nothing like home—which was exactly what she wanted, needed.
Out of the jumbo she stretched her back, then rubbed her neck where a sharp ache had set in. No doubt her head had been bobbing up and down like one of those toy dog things some people put in the back window of their cars. Great. Heat pounded at her while dust settled over her feet. What was a bit more grime? It’d wash off easily—as she hoped the past year would now she’d arrived in Laos, a place so far from her previous life it had to be good for her.
‘Come.’ The driver hoisted her bag and headed towards a wide door at the top of a concrete step, where a group of men and women sat looking as if they’d been there all day and would be there a lot longer. It had to be the main entrance.
She followed him, pausing to nod at the lethargic folk whose soft chatter had stopped as she approached. When she smiled and said, ‘Hello,’ they all smiled back, making her feel unbelievably good.
Inside it was not a lot cooler, and as she handed the man his fare and a huge tip she was greeted by a kind-looking woman who had to be about twenty years older than her. She came up and gripped Ellie in a tight hug. ‘Sandra Winter? Welcome to the amputee centre.’
As Ellie tried to pull out of this lovely welcome that wasn’t for her the woman continued, ‘We’ve been looking forward to your arrival all week. The doctor you’re replacing had to leave early. Oh, I’m Louise Warner, one of the permanent staff here. I’m the anaesthetist while my husband, Aaron, is a general surgeon. He’s gone to the market. You’ll meet him later, along with the rest of the staff.’
Ellie smiled, trying to keep her exhaustion at bay for just a little longer. ‘I’m not Sandra Winter. I’m—’
‘You’re not?’ Louise looked beyond her. ‘That explains the jumbo.’ Louise returned her gaze to Ellie, a huge query in her eyes. ‘I’m sorry. It’s just that we were expecting someone and I saw you and made a mistake.’
Ellie let her bag drop to the floor and held out her hand. ‘I am Ellie Thompson, your replacement doctor. Did you not receive an email from headquarters explaining there’d been a change? Sandra has had a family crisis and couldn’t come.’
Louise slowly took her proffered hand, but instead of shaking it wrapped her fingers around Ellie’s. ‘No email, no message at all. Nothing.’
Yeah, she was getting the picture. ‘It was a spur-of-the-moment thing. I used to work with Sandra and when I heard how she couldn’t come I put my hand up. My contract with Wellington Hospital literally ran out the same week. It was manic for a few days.’ Hard to believe everything she’d got done to be ready in that time. Getting a passport and visas had had her running around town like a demented flea. She’d booked flights, bought appropriate clothes for the climate and job and had dinner with Renee and two friends. No wonder her head was spinning.
Louise still held her hand. ‘Forgive me for not knowing and thinking you were someone else. I am very grateful you could come over at such short notice. It can’t have been easy.’
No, but it had already begun to act like a balm to the wounds left by her husband and sister. ‘Believe me, I’m the grateful one here.’
‘We’ll debate that later. I’d better text Noi. He went to the airport to meet Sandra.’ She gave Ellie another quick hug.
When was the last time she’d been hugged so much? She wouldn’t count the tight grasp the head of A and E had given her at her farewell. A fish had more warmth, whereas this woman exuded the sort of kindness that would make anyone feel comfortable.
‘I’m very glad to be here.’ Where’s my bed? And the shower? All of a sudden her eyes felt heavy and gritty, her head full of candy floss and her legs were struggling to hold her upright.
‘The children are busting to meet you. And the staff.’ Louise finished her text and set off in the direction of a door, leaving Ellie no choice but to follow.
Of course she wanted to meet the kids she’d be working with, but right this minute? ‘How many children are here at the moment?’
‘Fourteen. But that number fluctuates almost daily depending on new casualties. Then there are the families who can’t leave their children here, or can’t get to see them at all so that we go out to their villages for follow-up care. I’m only talking about the amputees. The hospital annex sees to a lot of other casualties, too.’ Louise sighed. ‘It’s hard. For the patients and their families. And us. In here.’
They entered what appeared to be a classroom. Ellie must’ve looked surprised because Louise explained, ‘We have teachers working with the children who stay on after their surgeries. Some are with us for months so we try to keep the education going during their stay.’
Chairs scraped on the wooden floor as kids stood up, some not easily, and the reason quickly became apparent. Three had lost a leg or a foot. Looking closer, Ellie noted other major injuries on all the children.
Her heart rolled. What was tiredness compared to everything these youngsters were coping with? She dug deep, found a big smile and tried to eyeball each and every kid in front of her. ‘Hi, everyone. I am Ellie.’ She stepped up to the first boy. ‘What’s your name?’
‘Ng.’ The lad put out his left hand, his right one not there.
Ellie wound her fingers around the small hand and squeezed gently. ‘Hello, Ng. How old are you?’ Then she nearly slapped her forehead. These kids wouldn’t understand English, would they?
‘Six.’
Six and he’d lost an arm. And he understood her language. A well of tears threatened, which was so unprofessional. Do that and Louise would be putting her back on that train. Gulping hard, she turned to the next child. But seriously? She really had nothing to complain about.
The next half hour sped by with Ellie sitting and chatting with each child. Not all of them understood her words but they must’ve picked up on her empathy and her teasing because soon they all crowded around touching her, pointing at themselves and laughing a lot. Over the next few days she’d get to know them better as she changed dressings and helped with rehab, but this first meeting was unbelievable. She filed away each name and face so that she’d never have to ask them again. They deserved her utmost respect and she’d make sure they got it.
‘Ellie? Ellie Baldwin, is that really you?’ The male voice coming from across the room was filled with surprise and pleasure.
She snapped her head up and stared into a familiar pair of grey eyes she hadn’t seen in four years. Mind you, they’d been angry grey then, like deep, wild ocean grey. ‘Luca?’ Her heart pounded loud in her ears. ‘Luca, I don’t believe this.’
‘It’s me, El.’ No one else dared call her that. Ever.
As she stepped forward Louise was prattling an explanation about why she was here, but Ellie cut her out and concentrated on her old friend and housemate. Concentrated hard to make sure she wasn’t hallucinating. Checking this truly was Luca Chirsky, even when she knew it was the man she’d shared notes and rosters with at med school, and more than a few beers at the pub or in the house they’d lived in with Renee and another trainee doctor. Time hadn’t altered his good looks. Though he did appear more muscular than she remembered, which only enhanced the package. Bet the ladies still plagued him. Some plagues were okay, he’d once joked.
Finally she said, ‘I haven’t seen you in forever.’ Wow, this was a fantastic bonus to her trip. A surprise. She shivered. A good surprise, she told herself. ‘Who’d have believed we’d meet up here of all places?’
Then she was being swung up in strong arms and spun in a circle. ‘It’s been a while, hasn’t it?’ Those eyes were twinkling at her as they used to before she’d gone off to marry Freddy. This was Luca. He had never hesitated with telling her what he thought of her fiancé, none of it good. The thrill of seeing him again dipped. If only there were some way of keeping her marriage bust-up from Luca.
Not a chance. ‘Didn’t you say your name was Thompson?’ Louise asked from somewhere beside them. ‘I’m not going deaf as well as forgetful, am I?’
Luca almost dropped Ellie to her feet. His finger lifted her chin so he could eyeball her. ‘You’ve gone back to Thompson, eh?’ Then he deliberately looked at her left hand, which was still gripping his arm, her ring finger bare of a wedding band, and then back to lock his gaze on hers. ‘So you’re single again.’ He didn’t need to say, ‘I warned you.’ It was there in the slow burn of his eyes, changing his pleasure at seeing her to caution.
Ice-like fingers of disappointment skittered across her arms. So much for being excited to see Luca. She’d had a momentary brain fade. Having a few of them today. After all this time without any contact between them he’d gone for the jugular straight up. Guess that put their friendship where it belonged—in the past. She didn’t understand why. They’d been so close nothing should’ve affected their friendship. The last person on the planet she’d expected to find here was Luca, and he knew too much about her for these weeks to now be a quiet time. She could do without playing catch-up, or the shake of his head every time he said her surname. Luca would cloud her thinking and bring back memories of where she’d planned on being by now if she hadn’t gone and got married. Plans she’d sat up late at night discussing endlessly with him until she’d started dating Freddy.
Even now Luca’s head moved from side to side as he said, ‘Seems you’re right, Louise. Ellie Thompson she is.’
Fatigue combined with annoyance and a sense of let-down to come out as anger. ‘Are Mrs Chirsky and your child here? Or are they back in New Zealand awaiting your return?’
The expression on his face instantly became unreadable as he took a step back from her. ‘Don’t go there, Ellie,’ he warned.
So he could give her a hard time and she should remain all sweetness and light. Too bad she’d forgotten how to do that since that fateful morning she’d found Freddy in bed with more than a pillow. ‘Or what?’ she snapped. Last time they’d talked he’d been gearing up for his wedding. More like girding up. There’d been a pregnancy involved that he definitely hadn’t been happy about. Nor would he talk to her about it, or anything going on in his life then. He’d clammed up tighter than a rock oyster. Kind of said where their friendship had got to.
Louise tapped her arm. ‘Come on, I’ll show you to your room so you can unpack and take a shower.’
It was the worried look Louise kept flicking between her and Luca that dampened down Ellie’s temper; nothing that Luca had said. ‘I’m sorry. I must sound very ungrateful. I’d really like to see where I’m staying.’ She didn’t want Louise thinking her and Luca couldn’t work together, because they could. It would just be a matter of remaining professional and ignoring the past. Easy as.
Luca picked up her bag before she could make a move. ‘I’ll take that.’
Louise scowled. ‘Maybe you could catch up with Ellie later when she’s had some sleep.’
To lighten the atmosphere that she’d created just by being here, Ellie forced a laugh. ‘Trust me, there won’t be any talking about anything past, present or future for the next twenty-four hours. I’m all but comatose on my feet. The sooner I can lie down, the better. I got no sleep at all on the train from Bangkok. The carriage was too noisy and stuffy.’
Luca draped an arm over her shoulders. ‘That’s what planes are for, El. They’re comfortable and fast, and the cabin crew even feeds you.’ Back to being less antagonistic, then. His use of El was a clue.
‘Remind me of that later when I come up with some other hare-brained scheme for getting home.’ She’d left booking flights as she had no idea what she might want to do next, where she might go to fill in the weeks between this job and the position she was taking up early in January. Following Louise, Luca’s arm still on her shoulders and feeling heavy, yet strong and familiar, she sucked in on her confusion. Maybe she did need familiar right now. Maybe her old friend could help her by going back over that time when she’d made the monumental error of thinking she loved Freddy more than her future and wanted to spend the rest of her life with him. Now she wanted to reroute her life and, if she stopped being so defensive, talking to Luca might turn out to be the fix she needed. If he didn’t rub her nose in what had happened, they should be able to get along just fine. Surely their past friendship counted for something?
Then heat prickled Ellie’s skin. Damn, but she needed a shower. She probably smelled worse than roadkill that had been left in the sun for days. Except this heat felt different from what she’d been experiencing all morning.
She shrugged away from Luca’s arm and straightened up the sags in her body. ‘I’m looking forward to catching up.’ She smiled at Luca. The heat intensified when he smiled back. Most unusual. Had to be excitement over seeing him again, despite the shaky start. ‘But not today.’
Might as well go for friendly; after all they used to be very good at it. There’d been a time, when they were sharing that house, that there was little they didn’t know about each other. At one point just before they’d finished their first year as junior doctors she’d wondered if they might’ve had a fling. They’d seemed attracted to each other in a way they’d never been before, and then she’d met Freddy and that had been that. Eventually she’d moved to Wellington and lost contact with Luca and the others she’d lived with for so long, until the beginning of the year when she’d caught up with Renee and now shared an apartment with her. Ellie had presumed Luca had married and become a father. Seemed she’d been wrong.
Thankfully today she could categorically state she felt no attraction for Luca at all. Not a drop. That heat had been something out of the blue. Hell, today she was struggling with the friendship thing after the way he’d looked at her with that ‘I told you so’ in his sharp eyes. It made her want to grind her teeth and kick him in the shin. It reminded her how he used to be so positive about diagnoses when they were junior doctors. That was ‘the look’ he’d become known for. Unfortunately he was more often right than wrong about everything.
Just like his prediction about her ex. Except not even Luca had got it as bad or humiliating as the demise of her marriage had turned out to be.
CHAPTER TWO (#ulink_87ec051c-c577-5d69-baeb-d8cda8234cc1)
‘KNOCK ME OVER,’ Luca muttered as he stood back for Ellie and Louise to enter the small room that would be El’s home for the next month. Ellie Thompson had popped up out of nowhere in full splendour, if a little bedraggled around the edges. All that thick, dark blonde hair still long and gleaming, while her eyes watched everything and everyone, though now there was a wariness he’d never seen before. ‘Your smile’s missing.’ Did he really say that out loud?
Ellie lifted those eyes to him and he saw her weariness. ‘It’s probably back in the third carriage of the overnight train I was on.’
Somehow Luca didn’t believe her exhaustion was all to do with her trip. It appeared ingrained in her bones and muscles as well as deep in those hazel eyes, even in her soul. So not the Ellie he used to know and had had a lot of fun with. What had Baldwin done to her? Played around behind her back? That had always been on the cards. The guy had never been able to keep his pants zipped, even when he’d first started dating Ellie. It had broken Luca’s heart when Ellie had told him the guy loved her and was over being the playboy since he’d asked her to marry him. The old ‘leopard and its spots’ story. But she hadn’t wanted to hear what he could’ve told her. Then his own problems had exploded in his face and he’d been too caught up dealing with Gaylene’s lies and conniving to notice Ellie’s departure.
Placing her bag on the desk, he turned for the door. ‘We’ll catch up when you’ve had forty winks.’
‘Make that a thousand and forty.’
‘You okay, El? Like, really deep down okay?’ he asked, worry latching on to him. They might’ve been out of touch but she used to be his closest friend. He’d never replaced her and would still do anything for her—if only she ever asked.
Her eyes were slits as that hazel shade glittered at him. ‘Never been better,’ she growled. ‘Now, can you leave me to settle in?’
‘On my way. Or do you want me to show you where the showers are?’
‘I’ll do that.’ Louise stepped between them. Putting a hand on his arm, she pushed lightly. ‘Go check up on little Hoppy.’ Then her phone rang and she stepped away. After listening for a few seconds she said, ‘Hang on. Sorry, Ellie, I’ll be a couple of minutes. Aaron left the shopping list in the kitchen.’
Ellie’s shoulders slumped as she watched Louise bustle away. ‘All I want is a shower and some sleep.’
Luca’s heart rolled over for her so he reached out for her hand and gently tugged her close. ‘Come on, grab your toiletries and that towel and I’ll show you where to go.’
She did as he said, silently. What had that man done? Or was this truly just jet lag and a sleepless night on the train making her like this? ‘El, while you’re showering I’ll make you a sandwich and grab a bottle of water. You must be starving.’
‘You still call me El.’ Now there was a glimmer of a smile touching her lips. ‘I’m fractionally shorter and nowhere near as beautiful as the model you wanted to compare me with. I’m fatter too.’
‘The hell you are. You’re thinner than I’ve ever seen you.’ And he didn’t like it.
The smile fell away, and she shivered. ‘I needed to lose weight.’
‘I’ll have to start calling you stick insect.’ He grinned to show he was teasing, something he’d never had to do before when they’d spent a lot of time together. But he needed to know what was going on. Something had happened to her. He’d swear it.
‘I’ve been called worse.’ Distress blinked out at him.
He opened his mouth without thinking about what he’d say. ‘Who by?’ When she winced he draped an arm over her shoulders to hold her in against him as they walked along the path to the ablutions block. ‘What did that scumbag do to you?’ he asked next, struggling to hold onto a rare anger.
Just like that, crabby Ellie returned. Her back straightened as she yanked her shoulders free of his arm. The face she turned on his was red and tight, her eyes sparking like a live wire. A dangerous live wire. ‘You haven’t told me if your wife’s living over here with you.’
She fought dirty, he’d give her that. Her being Ellie, that meant she was hiding something. Stepping farther away from her, he waved along the path. ‘Third door down are the showers. I’ll get one of the kids to put that sandwich and water in your room.’ He spun away to stride towards the clinic, where he could bury himself in patients’ problems and not worry about what might’ve happened to Ellie. Strange, but for a long time he hadn’t thought about what Gaylene had tried to do to him all those years ago, certainly not since he’d arrived here. It wasn’t as though Ellie and Gaylene went hand in hand, but the friendship he’d had with El had gone belly up at that time.
‘Luca.’ A soft hand touched his biceps. ‘Luca, stop, please.’
He turned midstride to face Ellie, and instantly his anger dissipated. It wasn’t her fault that he’d been made a fool of way back then. ‘I’m sorry.’
‘Me, too.’ Ellie huffed a long sigh. ‘I got such a shock seeing you across the room, and I don’t seem to have returned to normal since. I don’t want to fight with you. We were never very good at that, and starting now doesn’t make a lot of sense.’
‘I guess four years is a long time, with many things having gone down for each of us. Let’s go back to when we were happy being pals and downing beers as if it was going out of fashion on our days off.’ He’d like that more than anything right about now. A cold beer—with his pal. They had a lot of catching up to do. And not just the bad stuff.
Ellie nodded slowly. ‘That’d be great. A friend is what I really need more than anything.’
Don’t ask. ‘Done.’ He followed through on his previous thought. ‘Get some shut-eye and tonight we’ll go to a bar in town for a reunion beer or two. Then you can catch up on some more sleep before you start to get to know your way around here. How does that sound?’ He held his breath.
At last. A full-blown Ellie smile came his way, like warm hands around his heart. ‘Perfect.’ She started to move past him.
Luca suddenly felt the need to tell her. To get it out of the way, because it would hang between them like an unsolved puzzle if he avoided the issue, and he didn’t want that. ‘I never married her.’
She nearly lost her balance, and when she raised her face to him her eyes were wide. But she kept quiet, waiting for him to finish his story.
As if that could be told in thirty seconds, but he supposed he could give her the bones of it. ‘She terminated the baby. Said she’d met someone else and didn’t want to take my child into that relationship.’ If it had been his child. She hadn’t exactly been monogamous with him. He would’ve insisted on a DNA test being done but he’d been trying to trust her and accept what had happened.
He’d always been supercareful about using condoms during every liaison. But no child of his would ever grow up without his father at his side, and that edict had taken him straight into Gaylene’s hands—until she’d found a richer man. Luca’s hands fisted on his hips, as they always did when he thought about that selfish woman. The only good thing she had done was remind him exactly why he had no intention of ever, ever getting married or having children.
‘You always said you weren’t going to marry or have children. I was surprised when I heard about the circumstances of your wedding, but so many people get caught out by an unplanned pregnancy.’ Ellie leaned against him. ‘I should’ve phoned then.’
But by then he’d told her what he thought of her marrying Baldwin. He got it. She’d still been angry with him. ‘We were both tied up with our careers and finishing exams, not to mention other things. There was a lot going on.’ I wouldn’t have told you anyway. Like I’ve never told you about my father and my grandfather and how they let down those nearest and dearest big time. How my father took his would-be father-in-law’s propensity for deserting his wife and children to a whole new level. Some things were best kept in the family.
Ellie nodded. ‘Our friendship was under a fair bit of strain, if I remember rightly.’
‘You do.’ But he wouldn’t raise the subject that had come between them again. Not today anyhow. ‘Go shower and head to bed. Your eyeballs are hanging halfway down your face. I’ll warn everyone to be quiet around your room.’
‘Nice. How come I didn’t scare the kids, then? I must look very ugly.’ Her smile slipped as a yawn gripped her.
‘They’re a lot tougher than you’d guess.’ Luca felt his usual sadness for these beautiful and gentle people who dealt with so much, then he glanced at Ellie and brightened. ‘But they’re also very like kids anywhere in the world when you buy treats or play cricket with them.’ Things he was always indulging in.
He felt his heart lurch as Ellie stepped through into the ablutions block and shut the door. El. His dearest friend. Damn, but he’d missed her, and he was only just realising how much. No one quite poked the borax at him the way she had whenever he’d got too serious about something she’d deemed to be ridiculous. She was usually spot on too. But now something was definitely not right. He’d never seen her so beaten, as though all the things she held dear and near were gone. Somehow, sometime, over the coming weeks he’d find out, and see if he couldn’t help her to get her spark back.
* * *
Ellie woke to knocking on her door. Where am I? She looked around at the children’s drawings covering the walls and it all came back in a hurry. Vientiane. The amputee centre. She stretched her toes to the end of the bed and raised her arms above her head. She’d slept like the dead and now felt good all over, ready to start her job in this country that was new to her.
Knock, knock.
‘Who is it?’
‘Chi. Luca said you have to get up. I’ve got you more water.’
Luca. So that hadn’t been a dream. She’d be excited about catching up with him if she didn’t know he’d want all the details about her failed marriage. He wasn’t going to get them but he’d persist for days; she just knew it. Then again, he had told her why he wasn’t married. What a witch that woman had turned out to be. Terminating their baby with no regard for its father. That was beyond her comprehension. But then she’d never faced a similar situation. Freddy had made certain she didn’t get pregnant.
‘Ellie?’
‘Sorry, come in.’ Ellie shuffled upright and leaned back against the wall as Chi entered.
‘Luca said you’re going out at seven o’clock.’ The girl spoke precisely and slowly as if searching for the right words.
Damn, she’d forgotten Luca’s suggestion of a beer in town. Taking the proffered bottle of water from Chi, she snapped the lid open and said, ‘Thank you, Chi.’
The girl beamed as Ellie poured the cool liquid down her parched throat.
‘What time is it?’ she paused long enough to ask.
‘Half past six. Are you still tired?’
‘A little bit, but eight hours is more than enough for now. I wouldn’t have slept tonight if you hadn’t woken me.’ As Chi sat down on the chair in the corner Ellie asked, ‘Where did you learn to speak such good English?’ The girl looked so cute in her oversize shirt and too-small trousers.
‘Here. The doctors and nurses teach me.’ Pride filled her face, lightened her eyes.
‘How long have you been in the centre?’ To have learned to speak English to a level she could be understood without too much difficulty she must’ve been around the medical staff a long time.
‘I was this high when I came with my brother.’ Chi held her hand less than a metre above the floor. Ellie guessed she was now closer to one hundred and twenty centimetres. ‘Long time ago. My brother was this high.’ Half a metre off the floor.
‘Is your brother still here, too?’
Chi blinked, the pride gone, replaced with stoic sadness. ‘He died. The bomb cut off his leg and the blood ran out.’
Ellie shuddered. Reality sucked, and was very confronting. Flying fragments of metal did a lot of damage, and were often lethal. It had been a spur-of-the-moment decision to come here. When she’d heard about Sandra’s family crisis she’d thought about the weeks looming with nothing to keep her busy before she took up her next job and put her hand up. Helping people in these circumstances was so different from working in an emergency department back home, where life was easier and a lot of things like medical care taken for granted. Here people, many only young children, were still being injured, maimed or killed by bombs that had been left lying around or shallow buried decades ago.
‘Louise and Aaron adopted me. My mother and father are gone, too.’
How much reality should a child have to deal with? Leaping out of bed, she scooped the girl into a hug. ‘I’m so happy to know you, Chi.’
‘Knew I couldn’t trust a female to get my message across without stopping to yak the day away.’ Luca stood in the doorway, his trademark grin including both her and Chi in that comment.
With sudden clarity Ellie understood how much she’d missed that grin and the man behind it. Missed their conversations about everything from how to put a dislocated shoulder back into its socket to which brand of beer was the best. They’d argued, and laughed, and fought over whose turn it was to clean the house. They’d cheered each other on in exams while secretly hoping they did better than the other.
She ran to throw her arms around him. ‘I’m glad I’ve found you again.’
‘I’m glad, too, because tomorrow’s your turn to do the washing.’ He laughed against the top of her head.
His hands were spread across her back, his warmth seeping into her bones and thawing some of the chill that had taken up residence on the morning she came home from work to find Freddy and Caitlin in her marital bed, doing what only she should’ve been doing with her husband. She breathed deep, drawing in the scent that was Luca, her closest friend ever, and relaxed. Friends were safer than husbands and sisters, the damage they wrought less destructive.
‘I have missed you so much.’ I just hadn’t realised it. How dumb was that? Who forgot someone important in their lives because they’d fallen out about a man? Not any man, but Freddy. Luca had been right about him, but she wasn’t going to acknowledge that. She couldn’t bear to see the ‘I told you so’ sign flick on in his eyes again. Not yet anyway. Even if she could laugh because he’d won that argument there was too much pain behind it for her to be ready to make light of what had happened. That day would probably never come. ‘We should never have stopped texting or emailing even when we were in different cities, no matter what we thought about what the other was doing.’
Luca swung her around in a circle, her feet nearly taking out the bed and then the chair with Chi sitting on it. ‘I do solemnly swear never to stop annoying the hell out of my best buddy, Ellie, ever again.’
‘Look out.’ Chi leaped on top of the chair out of the way of Ellie’s legs. ‘Ellie makes you crazy, Luca.’
Ellie was put back on her feet and then Luca grabbed Chi and swung her in a circle. ‘You’re right, she does. I’d forgotten how to be crazy until today.’
Chi giggled and squirmed to be put down. ‘Ellie, can I be your friend, too? I want to be crazy.’
‘Absolutely. We’ll be the three crazies.’ Ellie reached for the girl and hugged her tight, trying hard not to let the lurking tears spill. What a day. What a damned amazing day. She’d found Luca, gained a new friend and was starting to feel a little bit like her old self. A teeny-weeny bit, but that was a start.
‘Okay, crazies, time Ellie got ready to go out. Chi, I’m sorry but you’re too young to go to a bar, but I’m sure we’ll find somewhere else to take you while Ellie’s here.’ Luca cleared his throat and when Ellie looked up she’d swear there was moisture at the corners of his eyes, too.
It was all too much to cope with. Seeing Luca get all emotional wasn’t helping her stay in control. ‘Go on, shoo, both of you. I’m going to take another shower and get spruced up.’
‘It’s a bar in Vientiane, no need for glad rags.’ Luca grinned. Then slapped his forehead. ‘Oh, I forgot. Lady El won’t be seen anywhere in less than the best outfit.’
She picked up her pillow and threw it at him. ‘Get out of here.’
She hadn’t arrived in the best-looking outfit, even if she’d started out looking swanky back in Bangkok after a shower at the airport. But hey, in the interest of her self-esteem she wasn’t going out in a sack, either. Though maybe here where the temperatures were so hot and the humidity high and everything definitely casual she could let go some of the debilitating need to be perfect. After all, there was no one here that she desperately had to please. Not even her friend. Luca had always accepted her for who she was, even if he did tease the hell out of her at times.
Suddenly she realised she was only dressed in a T-shirt and knickers; her bra lay on top of her discarded trousers. This might be Luca, but she had some pride. Glancing at him, she was dismayed to see his gaze was cruising down her body, hesitating on her breasts. She couldn’t read the look in his eyes, but it was different from how he’d ever looked at her before.
Ellie shivered—with heat and apprehension. What was going on? ‘Get out of here. I’ll see you shortly.’ She needed a shower, a very cold one.
* * *
‘Like your dress,’ Luca told her an hour later as she perched her backside on top of a high stool and leaned her elbow on the bar. ‘When did you start wearing red?’ His eyes held the same expression they had back in her room.
She chose to ignore it. ‘Since I found the most amazing saleswoman in a very exclusive boutique.’ It was true. That lady was very skilled at her job and her shop was Ellie’s favourite, though lately there hadn’t been any call for beautiful dresses.
The one she’d slipped into tonight was a simple sheath that was casual yet elegant. Her new look, she decided there and then. No more going for the tailored, exquisite clothes her husband had demanded she wear even to cook dinner. She’d miss the amazing clothes because she had loved them but hated the criticism rained down on her for not looking perfect enough. But, hey, she wasn’t in that place anymore. She was with Luca in Vientiane. Ellie grinned. A real, deep all-or-nothing grin. Life was looking up. Strange glances from Luca or not.
‘What’s up? You look as if you won the lottery,’ Luca pushed a glass of Beer Lao towards her.
The condensation on the glass made her mouth water and that was before she’d tasted the contents. ‘As good as, I reckon. I’m starting to unwind and enjoy myself.’
‘Things haven’t been so great for you recently?’ There was a guarded look in his eyes as though he was afraid of overstepping the mark. Something they’d never had to worry about in the past.
A deep gulp of beer and then, ‘You were right. Freddy was an a-hole. I left him and now I’m trying to decide what it is I really want from my life.’
‘I’m sorry to hear that.’
No gloating, thank goodness, or she’d have tipped her beer over his head. And that would’ve been such a waste. It was delicious. ‘You know what? I’m not sorry.’ It had only just occurred to her but, no, she was not sorry that episode of her life was over. Now all she had to do was pack it away completely. If that was possible considering her sister’s role in it. Hopefully, being so far removed from the complications of her family, she might find some inner peace. Though she might never learn to trust anyone after what had been done to her.
‘Then, find that smile again.’ Luca placed his hand on top of hers on the counter. ‘You look better when your eyes light up with pleasure.’
Turning her hand over to clasp her fingers around his, she said, ‘Seeing you makes me feel good. I couldn’t believe it when you said my name.’
‘You were surprised? I got a helluva shock considering you weren’t the doctor we were expecting. How was that for coincidence? Or was it our stars aligning or some such babble?’
‘You’ve been here too long.’ As laughter bubbled up Ellie’s throat something strange was going on with her hand. The one covered by Luca’s. She could feel heat and a zinging sensation that had nothing to do with the weather and all to do with— No way. She jerked her hand free, folded her arms across her chest and rubbed her arms vigorously.
‘Ellie? You’re going weird on me.’ Luca locked his eyes on her.
Looking into those grey eyes, she searched for recognition of what had just happened but found nothing. Seemed her imagination was running riot. ‘I’m fine,’ she croaked.
‘Phew. For a moment there I thought you were changing on me.’ His gaze was intense, as if he was checking her out.
Zing. She felt it again. This time it was as if someone were lightly dancing down her spine. Tearing her eyes away from Luca, she snatched up her glass and drained the beer in one long gulp. The glass banged back on the counter and she stared around the bar, looking at everything and everyone but Luca.
‘I’ll get you another.’ His hand scooped up her glass. The fingers that wrapped around the moist receptacle were long and strong, and tanned. Not that she understood why she was noticing.
Ellie’s mouth dried, despite all the fluid she’d just swallowed. They’re only fingers. Luca’s, what’s more. She shivered, as though it were cold, except the temperature was beyond high and her skin was on fire. What had just happened? She had to get herself under control. Getting wired over Luca was so not a good idea, let alone sensible. And despite her mistakes she was usually sensible. Or had that attribute flown out of the door and floated away on the Mekong just across the road?
Guess it had been so long since she’d been close to any man that her body had reacted without thought. But this was Luca. Down, girl, down. He was the last man on earth she should be having feelings about that had nothing to do with friendship and all to do with sex.
CHAPTER THREE (#ulink_dbbf76f9-1dd4-56a4-a8be-80c70daee757)
LUCA AIMED FOR relaxed, trying to ignore that something big was bugging Ellie. The defining strength of their friendship had taken a battering years back and he wasn’t prepared to push. Not yet anyway. He’d hate to lose her now he’d just found her again. Not that he’d been looking. He’d kind of shut off most things from his previous life, except the mantra he’d always lived by—Chirsky men were bad husbands and fathers.
‘I should head back to the compound,’ Ellie muttered.
What happened to spending the evening together? ‘Let’s have another beer and then we’ll eat.’ Not waiting for her to answer, he waved at the barman busy with another order and indicated their empty glasses. He didn’t want to walk even a few metres down the bar because Ellie looked as if she was about to bolt, and that was the last thing he wanted.
He went with, ‘It’s unbelievable. I was coming into that room to meet some doctor I’d never heard of and there you were, looking like my Ellie.’
She blanched. Then slowly she slipped off the stool, standing straight—and bewildered. ‘I really should go.’ There was a wobble in her voice.
Luca placed a hand firmly on her shoulder. ‘Sit down. The heat and travel hits you hard at first, but you need to stay awake till a reasonable hour to get your body clock back on track. The sooner the better.’ He doubted those were the reasons for her looking as if she’d been run down by a train, but he played along. ‘When I first arrived it took me ages to settle into a routine.’
‘How long have you been here?’ She still looked ready to flee.
‘Nine months, three to go.’
Leaning her elbow on the counter, she propped her chin in her hand. ‘Then what?’
‘Maybe a spell in Cambodia.’ Or Vietnam, or even Australia at a major hospital. He hadn’t made any decisions about a whole load of things that involved his future since he’d come over here. He was avoiding them, because it was easier that way.
Her eyes widened and at last she gave him a smile. There were long gaps between those and he was already learning to appreciate them. She asked, ‘Since when did you want to give up your goal of being head of the busiest A and E department in New Zealand?’
The problem with changing the subject so Ellie would relax was that he ended up in the hot seat. About to start telling her about the clinic’s pet pangolin instead, he paused. They used to tell each other just about everything. Shouldn’t he start renewing their friendship by doing what they’d always done? ‘Gaylene doing her little number on me was a shock.’ That’s an understatement, El, in case you don’t realise. ‘I thought I’d made myself invulnerable, invincible, so that no one would catch me out. How wrong could a guy be? Maybe I’d become arrogant. I don’t know.’ He glanced across at Ellie and smiled despite himself. ‘Okay, I was.’ Hopefully that had changed. He’d sure as hell been taken down a peg or three, though not for anything to do with his medical work.
‘I can understand wanting to protect your feelings but you’re sounding as if you don’t ever want to let anyone near, into your heart.’ She eased her butt back onto the stool.
Luca felt some of the tension in his belly lighten. At least she didn’t look quite so ready to run for the door anymore, but did she have to go straight to the centre of his problem? So easily? Maybe he hadn’t missed her as much as he’d thought. But of course he had. Strange how he hadn’t known that until he’d found her again. Should’ve done something about looking her up years ago, but he couldn’t stand Baldwin. Not at all. ‘I’ve never made any bones about the fact I do not want a family—no wife, no children.’ Okay, want was the wrong word. He wouldn’t risk having a wife and family. That was closer to the truth.
‘That was an excuse for bonking every moving female while you were young, but not forever, surely?’ She was laughing at him, soft and friendly-like but laughing nonetheless.
‘Wrong,’ he snapped. Telling her what made him who he’d become was a mistake after all. But then he’d known that, had always kept certain things to himself, even from this woman.
‘Hey.’ Her hand covered his. ‘I didn’t mean to upset you. You’ve got to admit you spent a lot of time chasing females back then.’
‘I didn’t have to chase anyone.’ Yep, maybe he still was a little bit arrogant. A sigh huffed across his lips. ‘You want to hear my story or not?’
The surprise in her eyes told him she hadn’t expected him to continue his tale. Well, Ellie, nor did I. But now he’d started he didn’t want to stop. He wanted her to know what drove him and how he’d arrived here. The idea of opening his heart to her appealed, when it had never done so in the past. Never. Which should be a warning.
So he stalled. ‘Let’s order some food. Want me to choose? Anything you won’t like?’
‘As I have no idea what the locals eat, you go ahead. I can’t think of anything I won’t enjoy. Tell you what, though, they brew great beer.’
‘Their food’s just as good.’ He beckoned to the waitress and rattled off a few dishes he thought would be a good introduction to Lao food. Then he drank deeply from his glass and wiped the back of his hand over his mouth. ‘My father left before we were born.’ Ellie had met Angelique, his twin, when they were sharing that house in Auckland. Ange would often drop in for a night, sleeping on the floor in the corner of the lounge. ‘Growing up knowing he’d never wanted to meet us, to be a part of our lives, that he didn’t love us...’ He paused, looked directly at Ellie. ‘It was horrible. I used to look at men who were about the age I thought my father might be and wonder if they were our dad.’
Ellie ran her fingers down his arm. ‘That’s horrid. Did you never try to track him down through phone directories or electoral rolls when you were older?’
‘Mum refused to tell us his name or where he came from, not even what he did for a living. Nothing. It was as though he’d never existed.’
‘Her way of coping, maybe?’
‘Possibly, but as kids we didn’t understand that. Hell, as an adult I still find it hard to accept.’ He wasn’t admitting to the equally awful thought that maybe his mother hadn’t known who their father was because she’d slept with more than one man at the time they were conceived. As Gaylene had done with him, but they hadn’t been a couple until she’d learned she was pregnant.
As far as his mum was concerned, he wouldn’t judge her. His mother’s life hadn’t been easy growing up. Her father had been a bully and a thug to both her and her mother, and was not the kind of man a daughter could rely on for love and safety.
Understanding was blinking out at him from those hazel eyes less than a metre away. ‘So when Gaylene declared you were the father of her baby you stepped up because no child of yours would not know their father.’
‘Got it in one. Not that Gaylene knew my story, but she sure went for the jugular. In her eyes it didn’t hurt that I was destined to become that head of department I’d planned on and would be earning a fat salary when I got there.’ He tasted the sourness in his mouth. Thought he was long past letting what she’d done hurt him, huh? Thank goodness he hadn’t loved her. That would’ve really turned him beyond bitter.
‘You’d have married someone you didn’t love for your child? Wouldn’t it have been better for everyone to have remained single but fully involved with that child?’ Ellie made everything seem so simple. Was that how she looked at life? A memory rose of her spitting words in his face, defending Baldwin when he’d tried to make her see reality. He’s a real man, of course he’s played the field, but now he’s settling down—with me, she’d insisted.
Now she was here, without a wedding ring on her finger, and a change of name. Not so simple, eh?
‘Didn’t matter in the end,’ he sighed. It hadn’t been as straightforward as Ellie made it sound. Certainly not when Gaylene had been pressuring him so hard. He hadn’t wanted to appear not to be taking his responsibilities seriously but at the same time it hadn’t been easy to accept he was going to be a father when he’d spent his adult life doing his damnedest not to become one. ‘I would never put any child through what Angelique and I had to deal with. Never.’ Which was why he wasn’t going to have children. Not only hadn’t he known his father, his grandfather had been the worst example of a parent. He’d often wondered if having bad male role models on both sides of his family meant he’d be a terrible father, had inherited some chromosome that made men bad. He wasn’t going to find out because if he was like them then it would be too late for any offspring he procreated.
‘Oh, Luca, I never knew.’ She locked those eyes on his. ‘Not that I was meant to. I get that, too. But for the record I think you’d be a wonderful father. Just in case...’ Her words trailed off.
Had the bile rising in his throat been that obvious? ‘Thanks for the vote of confidence. It’s good to know someone believes in me so blindly.’
‘Ouch. You’re not playing fair. I know you, have seen you working with children when they’re in pain and terrified, still remember you cuddling Angelique’s wee boy only hours after he was born. You have the right instincts, believe me.’ This time she sipped her beer.
He’d like nothing more than to believe her, but that would be a huge leap of faith, right off the edge of the planet, in fact. He settled with, ‘Wee Johnny is now at school and whipping up merry hell with his teachers. He wants to be an All Black without having to go through the usual channels.’ Johnny was a great kid, so bright and busy and full of beans. He missed him.
‘Is he? Got a photo?’ Ellie seemed keen to get away from the uncomfortable conversation they’d been having.
He tugged his phone from the back pocket of his pants and tapped the icons. ‘There. Isn’t he a handsome dude?’
Snatching the phone from his grasp, Ellie stared at the picture. ‘Just like his uncle.’
‘I’m handsome?’
‘I meant cheeky and obviously up to mischief.’ She swiped the screen, moving on to more photos of his nephew. And Angelique. ‘Oh. Your sister looks so much like your mother now.’
As in sad and bitter? ‘Yes, the spitting image.’ In every way. ‘I tried to make up for Johnny not having a father, but for her I can’t be anything but a brother.’ Not even a good one now. Anger welled up. ‘How could she have done the same thing as Mum? She knew what it was like not having a dad around the place. Hated it, and swore she’d never let her kids go unloved.’
‘Hey.’ Ellie’s hand was back on his arm, warm and soft.
Almost sexy—if she wasn’t a friend and that wasn’t a friendly gesture. What was going on? Luca blinked. ‘What?’
‘Angelique’s not as strong as you. Never was. Remember when you used to insist she should be studying at university for a career and she wanted to work in a café? She liked what she was doing, and you couldn’t change who she was.’
‘Yeah, I’ve finally worked that out.’ Focus, man. On the conversation and nothing else. He had to be out of sorts because of Ellie’s sudden reappearance in his life. He’d missed her. A lot. Yeah, that was all that odd sensation around her touch was about.
She hadn’t finished. ‘But, Luca, you support her, stand by her and look out for her son. That’s huge.’ Ellie sounded so sure, it was scary.
‘Wrong. I’m over here, not at home, aren’t I?’ Guilt ramped up, but Angelique had told him to get out of her life and stop interfering with how she raised her son just about the time his carefully planned career was getting on top of him. It had begun to seem a hollow victory when there was no one to share it with. He’d started questioning everything he’d believed in. Except not being a parent. That was non-negotiable. No exceptions.
Hot spices wafted through the air and four small plates of mouth-watering food appeared on the counter in front of them. Perfect timing. This talking with Ellie was getting too deep and uncomfortable.
She was licking her lips and sniffing the air like a dog on the scent. He did what he always did when the going got tough—he grinned. Amazing how that helped all the tension fall away. However temporary, it felt good to be with her knowing she wouldn’t try to rip him off or take something from him he didn’t want to give. Good friends were rare and priceless. And El was the best. So why did he feel he had to keep reminding himself of that? It was as though something had changed between them that he couldn’t fathom. Luca shrugged. He had four weeks to work it out before she headed home again.
The woman distracting him said, ‘Tell me more about the clinic.’
A reprieve, then. ‘It’s heartbreaking seeing what these children deal with, and yet uplifting because of their sunny natures and how they take it all in their little strides.’
* * *
‘I was really moved today when the kids gathered around me, all chatter and laughter when they’d never met me.’ The sticky rice and peanut sauce were delicious. Ellie forked up more and watched Luca do the same. He’d told her more about his past tonight than in all the previous years she’d known him. He’d surprised her, but then today had been full of surprises on all fronts.
Thinking back, she saw where she’d missed little clues about his past. Whenever talk had got around to families he’d been reticent, and she couldn’t remember what he’d said about his father except he hadn’t been around. Not once had he said that the man had never been there, was basically unknown. Hell, she might’ve got her marriage all wrong but her family had always been there for her when she was growing up. It was different nowadays, though. Awkward and sometimes downright hostile with Caitlin still coming and going in her parents’ lives as though she’d done nothing wrong. But Luca had missed out on a lot, hadn’t had that loving childhood she’d had, so why wasn’t he wanting to have his own family and make up for that? Had he ever fallen in love? Come close, even? Sad, but she suspected not.
‘Are you listening to me?’ Luca elbowed her, causing rice to drop off her fork.
‘Heard every word.’ I hope, or I’ll be asking questions about what he’s just told me tomorrow and then he’ll give me stick. ‘The clinic is full to bursting at the moment.’
His grey eyes squinted at her. ‘I said there are four spare beds.’
‘You did not.’ She laughed, and even to her that sounded strained. She changed the subject and determined to concentrate on everything he said. ‘Who’s Baxter?’ She’d heard the kids talking about him when she was getting ready to come out with Luca.
‘The clinic’s pet pangolin.’ She must’ve looked bewildered because he explained further. ‘An anteater. They normally live in the trees. Apparently this one turned up one day with one leg half severed off. It was before my time. Aaron operated and now it slopes around minus a leg.’
‘So Baxter knew where to go for an amputation.’ This time her laughter was genuine.
Luca smiled back. ‘The kids adopted him and he’s stayed, sometimes foraging for ants farther afield, but he never goes very far. You’ll see him soon enough.’
He pushed their empty plates aside. ‘Feel up to a stroll beside the Mekong?’
Not really. She’d like nothing more than to fall into bed and get some more sleep. Glancing at her watch, she saw it was only just after eight thirty. And here she’d thought they’d been in the bar for hours. It was too early to go back to her room, especially after having slept most of the day. An evening stroll with Luca would be the next best thing. Maybe even better, and she could walk off the effects of all that beer. What had she been thinking having so much? Hadn’t been thinking at all, that was what. Standing up, she slung her bag over her shoulder. ‘Sure.’
Outside the air had cooled all of about two degrees. Ellie shook her head. ‘To think I was looking forward to the warmth after a particularly cold spring back home.’
Luca caught her hand in his and swung their arms between them. ‘I still haven’t got used to the heat. Especially at night when I’m desperately tired and sleep’s evasive.’
Ellie gently squeezed his hand, enjoying the strength of those firm fingers. This felt good. Being with someone who knew her and wouldn’t make up things about her, wouldn’t be sniggering behind her back, wouldn’t be breaking any vows.
Neither of them talked as they strolled along a path lined with bars and nightclubs. Despite the noise from those buildings the sound of the river seeped into Ellie’s mind, a steady pouring of an unbelievable amount of water carrying debris and fish along its path. Where had that branch come from? A few kilometres farther north? Or from another country? China, even? ‘Amazing.’
‘What is?’
‘The river and all the countries it runs through.’ Ellie turned towards Luca and missed her footing on the uneven surface.
He caught her waist, held her as she regained her balance. ‘Careful. Can’t have you breaking your ankle before you’ve even started working with us.’
‘That would make me very unpopular.’ Those hands were definitely showing their strength. And their heat. She could feel each finger distinctly from the others. A different kind of warmth than what the climate was producing caressed her feverish skin. Tipping her head back, she met Luca’s stunned look. Carefully taking a backwards step, she extricated herself from his hold and dropped her gaze. And instantly felt she’d lost something. Something important. But this was Luca. Not some hot guy she’d want to go to bed with.
Really? Luca wasn’t hot? Yes, he was, but she’d never thought of him like that. That would be too— Too strange? Or too hot to handle? She peeked up at him, found him staring out at the river now, an inscrutable look on his face. When had he got so good at those? Not back when she’d last knew him, for sure. Back then he used to make jokes to divert unwanted interest. These days she also had a few of her own special expressions that hadn’t been around in those days.
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