An Abundance of Babies
Marie Ferrarella
Giving birth in a parking lot was not what Stephanie Yarbourough had in mind when she agreed to be a surrogate mother. Then she discovered old flame Sebastian Caine was now a doctor–and willing to lend a hand! Trust the man who'd broken her heart years ago? Never!Sebastian Caine usually delivered babies and sent them on their way. But with the twins' biological parents dead, and Stephanie intending to raise the babies alone, he kept dropping by to help. That was all. But his heart had other plans….
“You sure my staying won’t cause any problems?” Sebastian asked.
“With who?” Stephanie had no idea what he was talking about.
“Your significant other.”
“You keep saying that, but there is no significant other.”
He studied her, wondering how much she’d changed in the last seven years. “Then it was casual?”
Her patience felt like a wet tissue, about to dissolve. “Was what casual?”
Frustration took a second pass at him. “You got pregnant, and as far as I know, there’s only been one Immaculate Conception on record.”
Stephanie drew herself up, squaring her shoulders. “Yes, but there’ve been a great many in vitro fertilizations since then.”
“In vitro…” He stared at her as his voice trailed away. “Why would you do that?”
“You don’t have the right to ask me questions like that anymore.”
An Abundance of Babies
Marie Ferrarella
www.millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk)
MARIE FERRARELLA
earned a master’s degree in Shakespearean comedy and, perhaps as a result, her writing is distinguished by humor and natural dialogue. This RITA Award-winning author has one goal: to entertain, to make people laugh and feel good. She has written over a hundred books for Silhouette, some under the name Marie Nicole. Her romances are beloved by fans worldwide and have been translated into Spanish, Italian, German, Russian, Polish, Japanese and Korean.
Contents
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter One
It had been more than a week and she still couldn’t shake free of the feeling that her whole world was crashing in on her.
It was hard to focus, to try to pull herself out of this latest tailspin her life had gone into. Hard to put one foot in front of the other and go on. Though a child of luxury who had never wanted for anything, at least financially, Stephanie Yarbourough was no stranger to the tough curves and hardballs life could, without warning, suddenly throw at her. So far, she’d managed to dodge them all.
First there’d been her mother. Joan Yarbourough had just picked up and disappeared, without so much as a card at Christmas to show that she still remembered she had left behind a daughter as well as a stepson when she’d walked out on her husband. It had taken time, but she’d gotten over that, Stephanie thought. Gotten over being forgotten at eight.
And then there’d been Sebastian. He’s disappeared out of her life the summer before she turned twenty-one and she’d gotten over that, too, hadn’t she?
Well, maybe not altogether, but at least to the point where she’d become a functioning human being again, able to go on with her life. Anger had helped then. Anger had coated the hurt, the searing, bottomless pain of being summarily rejected without so much as a word of explanation.
But this latest pitch that fate had hurled at her had hit her right between the eyes. After this one she just didn’t know if she was going to be able to summon the wherewithal to pull herself together again.
She felt the kick. Or was that kicks? They came in quick succession, like dancers in a syncopated line, as if to remind her that she was never alone.
She had no choice but to pull herself together, Stephanie told herself sternly, feeling her eyes beginning to sting. This wasn’t just about her, but about the babies she was carrying. This had happened to them as well as to her.
Maybe even more.
Her mouth curved sadly as she lay her hand protectively over her swollen belly. Holly and Brett’s babies.
Except that they were never going to be able to hold them, not now.
Not ever.
“Are you all right, Ms. Yarbourough?”
Blinking, she looked up to see the pharmacist looking at her over the raised counter. There was a touch of concern in his brown eyes.
“What?”
The concern deepened a degree as the old man looked at her more closely. “I said, ‘Are you all right, Ms. Yarbourough?’ You stopped signing the charge slip and looked as if you were somewhere else miles away from here.”
The rueful smile came and went, replaced by a complacent one. Facades had always been part of her world and she had learned her lesson well at her father’s knee: never let them know what you’re thinking.
Stephanie finished signing the slip and offered it back to the white-haired man.
“I was.”
“Hopefully it was some place air-conditioned.” Silas Abernathy chuckled, separating the yellow copy from the others and snapping it off. He offered the slip to her. She noticed that a thatch of his hair was pasted to his forehead. “These voluntary brown-outs are a bear.”
“A little air is better than none,” Stephanie murmured philosophically, absently dropping the charge slip into her purse. Weather, a nice, banal topic, she thought.
A wave of bitterness swept over her the next moment as she snapped her purse shut. Unseasonable heat had been the reason Holly and Brett had decided to go off on an impromptu, three-day vacation. A vacation they’d invited her to share, but, miserably uncomfortable in her condition, she’d opted to remain home.
If she hadn’t…
Stephanie shut the thought away. No sense in going there.
“Good attitude,” Mr. Abernathy was saying, slipping her prescription into a small, slim bag. “Wish all my customers thought like you did. Can’t tell you how many come in here, complaining about the lack of air in the store. As if it was my idea to cut down on the power.” He shook his head. “And they’re not even in your condition.” He held out the bag to her, his eyes on her very swollen belly, a belly no amount of fabric, with its artful folds and layers, could any longer disguise. “Any day now, huh?”
Because the man was as old as her grandfather would have been had he lived, and just as kindly, Stephanie took no offense at the very personal probing, though these last few days, she’d taken offense at almost anything.
“Any day now,” she confirmed brightly.
And much, much too soon, she thought, taking the small paper bag with her prenatal vitamins in them. Extra prenatal vitamins her obstetrician, Sheila Pollack, had prescribed because she was still so dangerously anemic. The babies were taking a lot out of her.
She wasn’t ready.
Wasn’t ready to greet these babies she’d suddenly been placed in sole charge of. They weren’t supposed to be her babies, they were supposed to belong to Brett and Holly. She didn’t know if she could love them the way they were meant to be loved.
Holly and Brett had been so eager, so filled with love for them from the very first moment the test had turned positive.
Maybe even before.
Murmuring something that passed for “goodbye,” Stephanie turned away from the counter and made her way to the pharmacy’s electronic doors, feeling not unlike a lumbering bear.
The doors yawned open as she approached. With the doors no longer acting as a barrier, a blast of heat came at her.
She bit her lower lip as she stepped outside and the southern California heat surrounded her in an atypically hot, sweaty embrace. Even the air she drew into her lungs was heavy, daunting.
It was all supposed to have been so straightforward, so easy. Far less complicated than most surrogate mother arrangements. Her brother, Matthew, a corporate attorney, had insisted on documents being signed, though she’d never felt the need for that.
She’d done this out of love for a woman who had been closer to her than a sister—certainly closer to her than her own father had ever been.
Hell, it had been her idea in the first place.
She’d volunteered to do this over Holly and Brett’s initial self-conscious protests. Desperate for a child, the couple still hadn’t wanted to put her through this. It had taken more than a little convincing on her part to make them both understand that this was something she was more than willing to do if it meant that they could ultimately have their life’s dream come true: a child of their very own.
But “easy” had turned complicated right from the start.
The “child” had turned into “children” shortly after her pregnancy had been confirmed. Sheila had been bubbling with pleasure when she’d told her that she was pregnant not with one baby, but with two. The whole procedure had taken only two tries.
Fertility personified, that was her. But then she already knew that, she thought, fighting a second onslaught of tears. She and Sebastian had shared one time together, just one time, and she’d become pregnant with his child.
A child he’d never even known about. A child she’d lost soon after she’d lost him. It was as if she wasn’t allowed to hang on to anything at all that would remind her of his ever having been in her life.
Except for fading memories she couldn’t seem to eradicate from her head no matter how often or how hard she tried.
There was no doubt in her mind that he’d long since purged her from his.
It didn’t matter. He wasn’t part of her life anymore, hadn’t been for seven years. But these babies were.
Her hand went over her belly again. She had two babies on the way and no parents waiting in the wings to receive them.
Damn, why did life have to keep getting this complicated? Why couldn’t things go right for a change? Was that asking too much?
Dragging her hair off her neck, she stepped away from the marginal shade cast by the pharmacy’s awning and ventured out into the parking lot. She could feel the heat sizzling as it rose up along her legs. The asphalt felt as if it was going to liquefy with very little encouragement.
So, probably, she mused, could she. She’d never responded well to heat, and now, since she’d gotten pregnant, it was twice as bad.
With a sigh, Stephanie looked around, trying to remember where she had parked her car with its life-saving air-conditioning.
Stephanie Yarbourough.
The sight of her struck him with the force of a two-by-four being swung directly at his middle.
She wasn’t the last person he’d ever expected to see here. After all, Bedford was her hometown, just as it had once been his. But he’d never expected to see her like that, her belly clearly distended beneath the wide, blue-and-white floral print dress.
Pregnant.
Stephanie was carrying some other man’s child.
And why not? he demanded of himself dourly. She damn well had a right to go on with her life. Wasn’t that what it had been all about, his leaving Bedford almost seven years ago? To allow her to go on with her life the way he knew in his heart it was really meant to go on? With someone from her own class. Someone who knew what fork to use, what words to say. Someone she would never find herself being ashamed of, who could make things happen for her the way he couldn’t.
Yes, that was what his leaving had been all about, he thought. But in all the time that had passed, he hadn’t once considered the possibility of Stephanie giving herself to anyone else.
Wanted to be her one and only, despite all your so-called noble intentions, didn’t you, Sebastian? he mocked himself.
But it hadn’t been because of some vain desire on his part. It had been because he’d loved her. And wanted to go on loving her. Forever. And he’d wanted her to love him that way.
Showed how naive the tough kid from the wrong side of the tracks had been, Sebastian thought cynically, leaning over the steering wheel of his abruptly halted car to get a better look at her. In the pressed pages of his mind, Stephanie had remained eternally twenty, eternally innocent.
He debated driving on. Just shutting the image he’d just seen out of his mind and moving on, mentally and physically. After all, he hadn’t returned to Bedford because he wanted to pick up where he’d left off. He’d returned because he was needed.
Go, damn it, she hasn’t seen you. Go.
He didn’t listen. Instead, he pulled up the hand brake on the car and turned off the key in the ignition. A force greater than noble thoughts and the need for self-preservation had him getting out of the car close to where she was wandering through the parking lot.
“Stevi?”
Hearing the voice above the din of passing cars and stray voices in the lot, Stephanie froze. Despite the scorching heat, she felt s sharp chill zip like lightning up and down her spine. She told herself that she was hearing things, that she was imagining them.
The way she’d thought and imagined his voice calling to her a hundred times since he’d left.
Only one person in the world called her Stevi. And that person had gone out of her life almost seven years ago.
Her body and limbs suddenly leaden, Stephanie found herself turning stiffly toward the source of the voice—determined to prove to herself that she hadn’t heard what she thought she had.
Praying she hadn’t.
Praying she had.
Eye contact was made instantly. Stephanie felt her heart stop beating for a second, then slam into her rib cage, accelerating so fast it threatened to make her dizzy.
Like a defense mechanism on a hair trigger, anger sprang up, immediate, full-grown and strong.
Life wasn’t fair. Not on any count. Sebastian Caine wasn’t supposed to be here, wasn’t supposed to be so damn good-looking he could move a portrait of a woman to sigh in abject desire.
His face was leaner, tanner than she remembered. His expression—that “bad boy” look her father had always ranted about—seemed as if it was now permanently chiseled in. Sebastian looked all the more sensually attractive for it.
As if he needed that.
He’d always been sensuality itself, just by breathing, by the way he’d looked at her. By the mere set of his shoulders.
Stephanie stayed where she was, her hands fisted at her sides. Her car, her condition, everything else forgotten but the man who had suddenly materialized in her life without warning.
Just the way he’d disappeared.
If life had been fair, Sebastian would have gotten fatter, ugly and been balding, not have dark chestnut hair curling from the humidity at the back of his neck and along his forehead. Hair she’d once dived her fingers through, glorying in the feel of it.
Damn you, Sebastian. Not now. Not after I’ve gotten over you.
A little voice inside her said, Ha, sure you’ve gotten over him, but she ignored it.
Her feet felt glued to the asphalt. As Sebastian walked toward her, she could almost see each muscle moving independently, yet in harmony, like a jaguar that was stalking its prey.
Except that he had nothing to stalk.
Unless jaguars stalked overly pregnant women, she ridiculed herself. She felt as if she’d gained a thousand pounds within the last two seconds.
What did it matter? He hadn’t wanted her when she’d been model-thin and completely willing to give up her world for him, she reminded herself. She’d made it clear she was willing to go anywhere with him, follow him to the ends of the earth. All that had mattered to her was being with him.
But she hadn’t mattered enough to him.
Stephanie lifted her chin as the distance between them decreased, searching for something to say even as her eyes swept the parking lot, trying to locate her car for a quick getaway. Why did she always forget where she parked? And why now of all times?
What were the first words out of your mouth when you saw, after seven years, the man who broke your heart and set fire to your dreams? Did you rant? Did you ignore him? What? she thought in utter frustration. Emily Post and her cohorts didn’t cover this in their books on proper etiquette.
Maybe because proper ladies didn’t get dumped, Stephanie thought ruefully. Proper ladies didn’t pour out their hearts and let the man they loved know they loved him. There had been no mystery between Sebastian and her. Except the ultimate one—why he had left.
There it was, her car. One aisle over.
Because it was too far away to reach without passing him, she summoned all the years of training her father had tried to drum into her head—“So that I will never have reason to be ashamed of you”—and pasted a meaningless, distant smile on her face.
“Hello, Sebastian. How are you?”
The frost in her voice hit him like the steep, sleek side of an iceberg. He should have just kept driving, Sebastian told himself. But he’d had to see her up close. Had to look at her, even though she belonged to some other man now.
There’d been no choice on his part.
He wasn’t that strong, hadn’t had the time, since arriving yesterday, to reinforce his shield against the only woman he’d ever allowed himself to love. He wanted to look into her eyes just one more time.
Maybe, if he was lucky, there’d be nothing there. For either of them.
“I’m all right.” Never really talkative, he knew his reply sounded more stilted than even he could bear. Without thinking, he took her hand, to shake it.
To touch her.
“You look good.” His eyes swept over her swollen form and he forced himself to smile. “I think the proper term is glowing.”
“That’s the heat,” she answered dismissively.
Damn you, Sebastian, why did you walk out on me? Why did you leave me, wondering where you were? And why in the name of heaven are you back now?
But he was back and she had to deal with it. Like a soldier, Stephanie squared her shoulders. “Are you back for a visit?”
The slight smile on his lips turned enigmatic. “It’s a little more complicated than that,” he told her.
God, but you look good, Stevi. Too good.
Sebastian felt old urges rising up, as if they’d never faded away. Maybe they never had.
He had no business feeling that for her now.
He glanced over her head. There was a small, trendy coffee shop with half a dozen tables for two scattered out before it. New, he thought. Everything was new except for the way he felt about her.
Leave it alone. Say goodbye and go, he told himself.
He took a chance, knowing he shouldn’t. “Maybe we could step out of the sun somewhere, have a cup of coffee for old times’ sake and I—”
There is no “old times’ sake,” Sebastian, she wanted to yell at him. Instead, she looked at him with a coolness that belied the churning emotions scrambling through her. With a snap of her wrist, Stephanie pulled her hand free as if it were being scalded.
“I don’t think that would be very wise.”
Well, what had he expected? Still, disappointment shredded the veneer he was attempting to construct around himself.
“Sure, I understand. Jealous husband, eh?” He had no idea why he’d even said that.
Deep blue eyes, eyes he’d loved to get lost in, cut him dead. “You lost the right to ask questions like that a long time ago, Sebastian.”
With that, she turned away, knowing if she didn’t, she’d probably do something stupid, like throw her arms around him. Or demand to know why he’d hurt her the way he had. It would have been a humiliating waste of breath for her.
In seven years, Sebastian had never once seen fit to write to her, to call her, to get in contact some way and tell her why he had done what he had. She had no intentions of lowering herself now to ask. There was no reason for it. She knew the reason he’d left. Without her money—because her father would have cut her off without a dime—Sebastian hadn’t wanted her and she’d accepted that, accepted it no matter how much it had hurt.
Her head held high, Stephanie walked to her car with as much dignity as she could gather. There was absolutely nothing to be gained by staying and talking to him, she argued with herself. If she remained too long, Sebastian would see that there was a part of her that still, stupidly, cared for him. A part that had never let go, no matter how much she pretended that she had.
Numbly, quietly, he watched her. Watched her get into her car and start it up. As he stared after her, he vaguely noticed the vehicle’s color, make and license number like peripheral details of a dream he was trying to shake off.
There was no point to this, Sebastian told himself. He’d just been passing through the small strip mall. There were a couple of videos his mother had requested sitting on the passenger side of the old car he’d driven here all the way from Seattle, Washington. He glanced at them now. If he didn’t get going, they were going to melt into the upholstery.
Damn, but seeing her had jarred his heart.
He didn’t need things like that. His life had been jarred enough. He had things to see to. He didn’t need this trip down a path he hadn’t been allowed to take.
Like everything else, he thought, he’d find a way to deal with it. It was just going to take some time, that was all.
Just as he opened the driver’s side of his car, Sebastian heard the screech of tires in the distance behind him. Instinct had him swinging around to look back in Stephanie’s direction.
He’d turned just in time to see a large black sport utility vehicle trying to swerve to avoid hitting Stephanie’s car.
The maneuver was not successful.
The SUV’s blunt nose clipped Stephanie’s left front, sending it spinning as metal met metal. The two vehicles groaned from the impact.
She was hurt.
The thought throbbed in his brain.
Hardly aware of shoving his car keys into his pocket, Sebastian grabbed his medical bag and was running toward Stephanie’s car before the image of the actual crash had a chance to completely sink in.
Chapter Two
People, drawn by the sound of the crash, were beginning to gather in a large circle around the two vehicles that had wound up crushed nose to nose. Clearly shaken but apparently unhurt, the fortyish driver of the SUV got out, a dazed expression beneath the day-old stubble on his face.
His eyes widened in fear when he saw that there was no movement in the front seat of the other, much smaller car. “I didn’t see her,” he cried to no one in particular. “I swear I didn’t see her pulling out.”
A murmur of voices debated the visibility that had been afforded between the two vehicles as Sebastian pushed his way through the crowd, using his medical bag as a shield.
“Let me through,” he ordered, fighting a sick feeling as his heart lodged itself in his throat. “I’m a doctor.”
Exercising sheer determination, he forced himself not to react to the situation in any other manner except strictly professional. He was afraid to allow his fears free rein. They would only impede what might need to be done.
He didn’t like what he saw.
Stephanie’s eyes were shut when he yanked open the door on the driver’s side, and there was blood mingling with her blond hair from a cut on her forehead. The thought of internal injuries had his gut tightening in cold anticipation.
“Stephanie, can you hear me?” he demanded roughly.
The voice reached out to her across a bridgeless chasm, pulling at her. Drawing her across.
It felt as if each of her eyelids weighed in at ten pounds each as she struggled to open them. She found that it took a concentrated effort to form words. Effort to cut through the pain that was tightening around her like a sharp-toothed vise, stealing her breath away. Stephanie had to push the words out.
“You’re shouting,” she said hoarsely, each syllable throbbing in her head, making it ache. “Why shouldn’t I be able to hear you?”
Relief spread over him in one huge, overwhelming wave. She was conscious. Maybe the cut on her forehead was the worst of it.
Sebastian squatted down beside her, looking into her pupils. He saw no remarkable dilation. “Do you know what day it is?”
Someone was pounding on her head with an anvil. She touched her hand to the pain and felt something sticky against her fingers.
“Third worst day of my life.” She felt Sebastian remove her hand from her forehead. “Maybe the second,” she amended.
Concerning himself exclusively with her condition, he didn’t allow himself to speculate about what she was referring to. With sure, quick movements, Sebastian examined the cut on her forehead and decided it was minor, then passed his hands over each of her limbs to check for any breaks. There were none.
Stephanie found she had to fight to remain conscious. Her head insisted on sending things swirling around. Vaguely she felt Sebastian’s probing hands.
“Hell of a time to get fresh with me, Sebastian,” she rasped weakly. “There’re witnesses.”
His eyes met hers for a moment. She was teasing. For a second, he was propelled across the years, to another time, when teasing had reflected the easy feelings between them.
“Just making sure nothing’s broken,” he assured her. His hand on hers, he sat back on his heels. “There doesn’t seem to be.”
It took two beats before her breath returned to her lungs. That had been a particularly bad one.
“Wrong, Sherlock,” she managed to say. “I think my water just has.”
Damn it, she was going into labor. He could see by the white-knuckled way Stephanie was clutching at his arm. He should have guessed as much. “You’re due?”
“Actually,” she gasped, bracing herself, afraid of another wave of pain, “I’m two weeks early.”
Grabbing onto the steering wheel, Stephanie tried to drag herself out of the car using leverage. To her surprise, she felt Sebastian suddenly taking hold of her arms and easing her out of the vehicle.
Her knees buckled and she would have sunk to the ground if he hadn’t been holding her.
This was it, she thought, trying vainly not to panic. Her heart began to hammer erratically.
Ignoring the people around them, ignoring the recent past, she returned to a place in her life when all she had was Sebastian and looked to him for help. She had no other choice.
“Oh, God, Sebastian, I think they’re coming.”
“They?” His eyes darted toward her belly. Multiple births? He’d thought she’d looked too large to be carrying just one.
She nodded her head and instantly regretted it as fresh pain assaulted her temples. “Twins. I’m having twins.”
Great.
He wouldn’t allow himself to emotionally dwell on it any longer than that. Looking over his shoulder, Sebastian singled out an older woman who was standing almost directly behind him.
“Call 911,” he instructed her. “We need an ambulance.”
“We need a lot more than that,” Stephanie cried, digging her nails into his bare forearms as she struggled to keep from sinking into the pain again. “They are really coming.” She couldn’t emphasize the word enough.
It was common for first-time mothers to panic, Sebastian thought, and Stephanie had just had an accident to strip away her composure and compound her fear. Still holding her, he did his best to sound reassuring.
“Your contractions must have only started a couple of minutes ago.”
She would have laughed at that if she’d had the strength. “A lot you know. They started early this morning.”
She’d actually made a mental note to call Dr. Pollack as soon as she picked up the prescription she’d forgotten to get yesterday. She couldn’t seem to think clearly these days. Everything had gotten all jumbled ever since she’d received news of the car accident that had taken Holly and Brett out of her life and the lives of the children she was carrying.
Now it looked as if making the call was a moot point. If these contractions racking her body were any indication of what was to come, these babies were going to be born long before Dr. Pollack could manage to get here.
She realized that Sebastian was asking her a question and tried to focus on it.
“What?”
“I said, how far apart are they?” he repeated, raising his voice. “The contractions,” he added for good measure. She looked so dazed he wasn’t sure if she was following him.
“Why?” She stared at him blankly. “Are you going to boil some water?” The sarcastic question came out of nowhere. In pain, angry, she just wanted to lash out at someone. His sudden reappearance after a seven-year absence and his close proximity made Sebastian the likeliest candidate.
“I’m a doctor,” he told her simply, his mind working feverishly as he calculated the chances of his forgetting about waiting for the ambulance and just driving to the nearest hospital with Stephanie himself. “An ob-gyn.”
A doctor.
The news stunned her enough to make her forget her pain, at least for a moment. He’d made it. He’d become a doctor. Pride slipped its arms around her, reaching across the bridge of years back from a time when such knowledge would have given her immense pleasure.
Clamping down on her pain, Stephanie looked at him. This is what he’d once told her he wanted to be. Something her father had jeered he would never become. “So, you finally made it.”
The words were whispered, and at first he thought he’d imagined them. Raising his eyes, he looked at her. She’d always been the one who had faith in him. She and his mother.
“Yes, I did.”
And then she was sinking against him, her energy obviously stolen by the force of the latest contraction. Balancing his medical bag in one hand, Sebastian scooped her up in his arms and looked around. He had to find someplace to make her comfortable.
Turning, he saw the woman he’d instructed to call 911 holding up her small cell phone in the air. “They’re coming,” she announced.
“Good.” With any luck, they wouldn’t get here after the fact. But he was beginning to strongly doubt that.
As if reading his expression, a young redhead in tight jeans and an even tighter T-shirt waved to get his attention.
“Here,” she called to him. “You can put her down inside my van.” Hurrying around to the rear of a light blue van, she unlocked the double doors and threw them open. “The floor covering doubles as a mattress,” she said proudly.
As people moved out of his way, Sebastian lost no time in crossing to the van. He managed to place Stephanie on the floor just as she sank all five nails into his arm again. He could almost feel the impact of the contraction right along with her.
“You rip my arm off, I’m not going to be able to use it to help you,” he warned, trying to summon a smile for her benefit. The result barely curved his mouth.
Getting into the van beside her, Sebastian crouched on his heels and reached for the doors. Stephanie was going to need privacy. His eyes met the woman’s. It was, after all, her van.
“Thanks.” He indicated Stephanie beside him. “You want to come inside…?”
But the woman was already backing away, her face growing slightly pale beneath the bold makeup she wore. As if afraid he’d pull her inside, she shoved her hands into her back pockets.
“That’s okay, I’ll just wait for the paramedics and tell them where you are.”
To forestall any further debate, the woman then closed both van doors herself, locking out the curious stares of the people who had not dispersed.
They were alone. Alone in some stranger’s van. Alone with the hurtful past and a present that threatened to physically rip her in half. Stephanie wished she could get up and walk out, but that was totally beyond her power at the moment.
Still, she didn’t have to make this easy. “What makes you think I’m going to let you help me?” Her breathing began to grow more and more labored.
Same old Stevi, stubborn as hell. He tried to ignore the wave of affection that came out of nowhere.
“I don’t think you have much of a choice in the matter, Stevi.” With effort, Sebastian drew her up until he had her back flush with the side of the van. It would be better for her this way, since there was no one to prop up her back. “Unless you want to do an imitation of a pioneer woman. In which case, I’ll take you over to the nearest wheat field and you can take it from there.”
Perspiration was soaking not only her dress, but her scalp as well. Any second, it was going to start dripping into her eyes. She blinked it away. “You do have a black heart, you know that?”
Despite the gravity of the situation, Sebastian looked at her for a long moment.
“Yes,” he said quietly, “I know. But that’s neither here nor there right now.” He looked around the interior of the van. Aside from what looked like a small laundry basket that was holding some canned goods, the van was pretty much empty. He would have preferred far less of a challenge. “You’re sure it’s twins?”
“I’m sure.” She began fisting her hands, bracing herself. “Either twins, or just about the biggest baby on record.”
He saw her blanch and grasp for strands of the rug beneath her. “Another contraction?”
She could barely nod, concentrating hard on not letting this latest onslaught of pain tear her in half. She refused to be one of those screamers people were always ridiculing.
“Maybe you…are…a doctor at that,” she panted. The contraction receded, leaving her more exhausted than it found her. Drained, she tried to collect herself sufficiently to prepare for the next one.
She had barely forty seconds.
“Another one?” he asked incredulously. Her contractions were coming faster than he’d anticipated. The fastest birth he’d ever attended was just under three hours. This was beginning to have the makings of just under three minutes.
Stephanie’s lips were dry and she felt them cracking as she bit into them. Nobody had warned her it was going to be this awful. But then, no one had told her she was going to be giving birth in a parked oven in the middle of a strip mall parking lot, attended by a man she wasn’t supposed to love any longer.
“Sharp,” she retorted, vainly trying to grab something to hold on to. But there was nothing to wrap her hands around, nothing to help commute the force of the pain she felt.
Straining to hear the siren of an approaching ambulance he knew wouldn’t make it in time, Sebastian threw back the hem of her dress. Unless he missed his guess, the curtain was going up and it was show time.
A quick examination told him he’d guessed correctly. “You’re fully dilated.”
Oh, boy, this was a big one. Don’t scream, don’t scream, she thought frantically. “Tell…me…something…I don’t…know.”
Sebastian looked at her then, just one small, stray look spared in her direction. What would she say if he took her up on that? If he told her something she didn’t know? That he, despite all efforts to the contrary, still loved her. Would probably always love her no matter what, to the end of his days. That he knew, and it was a cross he knew he had to bear.
But there was no point in sharing that with her. It was just something he was going to have to deal with himself.
“Never could put anything over on you,” he murmured, looking around for a blanket or something to wrap around the babies, hoping that he’d overlooked one in the initial inspection of the van.
There was nothing.
“Sebastian!” Stephanie bit back a shriek as she clutched at his upper arm and arched her back, trying desperately to get as far away from the pain as she could. It only followed.
He hated seeing her like this, hated seeing pain etched into her features without being able to take it away.
“It’ll be all right, Stevi.” Tenderness arrived out of nowhere, filling him as he brushed the damp hair away from her eyes. “I promise.”
“I want…that…in…writing.” Damn it, this was a lousy way to have a baby. Babies, she corrected herself. Orphaned and in a parking lot without so much as a clean sheet around to wrap them in.
No, they weren’t orphaned. They had her. They would always have her, she vowed silently, her mind winking in and out, threatening to take consciousness with it. And she would give them all the love she had stored up in her heart. The love she’d never been allowed to give to anyone.
“Sorry,” he told her, “afraid I can’t oblige you right now. You’re just going to have to take my word for it.”
Panting, Stephanie struggled to keep from being steamrollered by the next contraction. Her eyes darted to his. His word. As if she could believe anything he said to her. He’d lied to her once, what was to keep him from lying again?
“Not likely,” she breathed, arching again even though she knew it did no good. The pain found her no matter where she moved.
He heard her nails striking the floor’s metal border as she again tried to grab on to something to hold. There had to be something he could give her. He thought of his wallet. Pulling it out of his pocket, he wrapped his handkerchief around it.
“Here, bite down on this.”
At any other time, she would have questioned his judgment, thinking he was crazy. But this wasn’t any other time, this was a unique, dire time and she needed something to help divert the pain, to channel the fearsome energy traveling through her body, however strange that “something” might be.
Grabbing the white linen-wrapped wallet, Stephanie clamped her teeth down on the slightly curved leather just as another contraction scooped her up and tossed her into its midst.
This one was the worst ever.
He heard the muffled scream. Just like Stevi, trying so hard to get through this without a show of pain, he thought. Some things, apparently, never changed. She’d always hated a show of weakness, however justified.
“Soon, Stevi, soon,” he promised.
Spitting out the wallet, she panted. “Soon… nothing…I…want this…over with…now.” Exhaustion threatened to overpower her as she fought to bring life into the world. “What’s…taking…so…long?”
Long was a relative word, he thought. To him this was happening almost at lightning speed. “All right, I see a head, Stevi. On the count of three, I want you to push. You hear me?” Glancing up, he saw her nodding her head. “One, two—”
Pulling her shoulders in, Stephanie was pushing before he ever reached the last number, digging her knuckles into the thin floor padding and practically lifting herself off the floor.
“Three,” Sebastian said even though it was after the fact. He glanced up to see her face growing red as she held her breath and strained with all her might. “All right, stop.”
Like a punctured balloon, Stephanie collapsed against the side of the van, panting not because it was part of the exercise, but because she couldn’t draw in enough air into her lungs. It felt as if she’d just run a ten-mile marathon in less than a minute.
“I’m…beginning…to…understand…why…they…call…it…labor.”
His mouth curved and he found himself wanting to hold her, to comfort her, but that wasn’t his function in this, nor was it his place. There was a husband out there somewhere, a husband who should have, by all rights, been attending this instead of him.
The flash of jealousy was unexpected, uncalled-for and unprofessional. But it was there, nonetheless, red-hot and hard.
Sebastian forced himself to think like a doctor. “You’re doing fine, Stevi.” They were almost there. “Now I want you to push again. This time,” he cautioned, “wait until three.”
She sneered at him. She was being torn apart and he was trying to make her obey orders like some kind of tin soldier or lapdog. She’d like to see him get through this insane tug-of-war she was experiencing.
With a new contraction overtaking her before the old one left, Stephanie didn’t even wait until the count of two before she began to push again with all her might, this time lifting herself off the floor.
“Stevi—” But it was too late. Sebastian could only pray she hadn’t ruptured something. “I’ve got the head, Stevi. Now push, push a little more.”
She didn’t think she could. Squeezing her eyes shut tight, she bore down again, biting back a guttural sound that echoed in her throat, demanding release.
“That a girl, Stevi, the baby’s coming.”
“I…already…know…that.”
She had to push out the shoulders now. The hardest part. He tried to divert her attention from the pain he knew had to be consuming her. “Do you know the babies’ sex?”
“Didn’t…ask. It was…supposed to be…a surprise.”
Holly and Brett had opted not to know, so she hadn’t asked to be told, either. Now she deeply regretted that they hadn’t found out when they’d had the chance. At least they would have known if they were the parents of boys or girls, or one of each. She ached for their loss. And her own.
Perspiration poured into her eyes, stinging them. Wasn’t this ever going to be over?
Out of the haze of pain, she heard Sebastian ordering her, “Push, Stevi, push.”
“I am!” she shrieked, the cry bursting from her swollen lips.
Smooth as butter, Sebastian thought as the baby all but slid into his hands.
Of course, he doubted that Stephanie felt that way about it, but then she was on the side that was doing all the work. Experiencing a myriad of feelings that only marginally had to do with the customary ones he felt whenever he attended the miracle of birth, Sebastian looked down at this latest citizen of the world.
“Still want it to be kept a surprise?”
“No…damn it.” Was he cruel enough to play games when she was so exhausted? “What…is…it? Boy or girl?”
“You have a girl, Stevi.”
He heard Stephanie suck in her breath. The second twin was on its way. Unable to hold the newborn, Sebastian took off his shirt and wrapped it around the baby. Quickly dumping out the canned goods, he placed her into the laundry basket.
“All right, let’s see if she has a little brother or sister.”
“Easy…for…you…to…say,” Stephanie managed to reply before the process began again in earnest, even harder this time than before. The pain ripped through her with long, sharp knives. “Oh, God, I’m…going…to…die.”
Stephanie heard him draw in his breath, as if bracing himself for a fight. “Not on my shift you’re not.”
She sincerely hoped Sebastian had learned to keep his word better than he had before.
Chapter Three
Stephanie could have sworn she heard the distant wail of sirens in the background.
Or maybe those were just the noises ricocheting in her head, mixing with the vast array of lights and pain all swirling around within her mind and her body as she strained to give birth to the second twin.
This baby felt larger than the first. Too large to push out. Even her scalp began to tingle as she strained. Sharp needles ran up and down her body, pricking her from the inside out.
She would have never thought she could endure this much pain and still survive.
Sebastian’s command of “push” echoed in her brain. Stephanie dug her elbows in close to her side, searching for some small scrap of energy to draw on. There seemed to be none within her reach.
Tense, on his knees in front of Stephanie, Sebastian placed his hand beneath the small head, supporting it as it emerged.
She was almost there, he thought. But there was a mile of pain between “here” and “there.”
“That’s it, that’s it, Stevi, just a little more,” he coached, feeling his own breath hitch within his throat. “Just a little more. We’re almost there.”
“We?” she panted, opening eyes that had been almost screwed shut with the effort she was putting forth. What was he doing without his shirt on? Had he been like that all along? She couldn’t remember. “You…want…to…take…over?” Breathlessness notwithstanding, the question had a sarcastic bite to it.
Sebastian flashed her a grin as a fragment of the past echoed through his mind in response to the arch question she’d thrown at him. There was no daunting her fighting spirit, even now.
“Wouldn’t know where to begin, Stevi. You’re doing much too good a job yourself.”
Before his eyes, Stephanie stiffened, her whole body growing rigid. He recognized the signs. The final thrust was coming whether she was up to it or not. He forced himself to ignore the exhaustion imprinted on her features.
“Now, stop stalling and get those shoulders out, Stevi.”
He would have never spoken to any of his patients this way, no matter how well he knew them. But Stephanie always did better when she was goaded, when someone challenged her. It seemed only natural that she’d approach giving birth the same way.
So he goaded her.
He saw the flicker of anger in her eyes. God, but he had missed her. Missed the sound of her laughter, even the sound of her raised voice as she rode headlong into verbal battle with him. She’d never been anything short of magnificent.
Sebastian banked down his thoughts—thoughts that were not his to think about. She was another man’s wife now and the past belonged where it was, in the past.
The myriad of feelings flashed through him in a single intake of breath, less time than it took her to bear down for that one last push she had to make. Beside him, the baby’s twin was mewling in the basket, a good, healthy sound. And in the background, he thought he heard the ambulance approaching.
Too late, guys, she’s almost finished, he thought, relieved that this part of Stephanie’s ordeal was almost over.
The muffled, high-pitched noise caught his attention. Sebastian instinctively raised his eyes to her face for a second. Lips parted, teeth clenched together to keep back any sounds and writhing in pain, Stephanie looked as if she was going to turn purple.
“You can scream, you know,” he told her. “It actually helps.”
But she merely shook her head adamantly from side to side, refusing to be reduced to this most common of common denominators. She wasn’t going to allow herself to scream. This wasn’t the way it was going to happen. “No” was all she could manage to expel through her lips without running the risk of doing exactly what she was trying not to do.
“There you go, Stevi,” he announced, his voice taking on the width and breath of excitement as the infant’s shoulders became visible. With one hand beneath the tiny back to support it, Sebastian eased the baby out.
“What…what…” Near collapse, Stephanie didn’t have enough strength or breath left within her to form the question.
She didn’t have to. Sebastian anticipated it. “You have a boy, Stevi. One of each. You and your husband’ll be evenly matched.” He had no idea what made him say that, or what to do with the sharp, hot stab of pain in the center of his chest when he made the remark.
With both her head and body throbbing from the effort she’d just put forth, Stephanie hardly heard what he was saying. Except that she had a daughter. And a son. Was she going to be equal to them? Was she going to be able to give them everything they needed, the perfect life they would have had before a blue Chevy, jumping the light, had ended Holly and Brett’s lives?
I’ll try, she silently vowed to people who were not there and to the two who were. I promise I’ll try.
Her tongue passed over lips that were parched. “Can…I…?”
Again, Sebastian anticipated the words she was trying to say. “Just give me a second to cut the umbilical cords and you can hold them both if you’re up to it. They’re a little messy,” he warned, knowing it would make no difference to her. Not after what she’d just been through to have them. Despite her father’s efforts and her refined background, Stephanie had never been one to hang back just because everything was not pristine. She could always be counted on to charge in no matter what.
He supposed it was one of the first things that had attracted him to Stephanie. Her unpretentious zest for life.
Before Stephanie could summon the energy for a response, the van’s rear doors were suddenly being opened. A glaring sheet of sunlight filled the newly created space, framing the figure of a man in a dark blue uniform who peered into the interior of the vehicle.
“Everything all right in here?” he asked, coming inside.
Sebastian reacted the instant the doors were being opened. He threw the hem of Stephanie’s dress back down over her legs before turning to look at the person who was climbing in. The paramedics had arrived. It was time to retreat.
“Just in time to take the lady and her kids to the hospital,” Sebastian told the older man, moving out of the way.
Even as he did so, he felt a reluctance taking hold. He wanted to remain, to hang around in case she needed him. Which was exactly why he had to get out. With the paramedics on the scene, there was no excuse he could tender that would allow him to stay, other than his own desire.
But desire, dormant or not, had no place here. Stephanie was a wife and a mother and he had nothing to do with either.
The baby he still had in his arms squirmed. Something tightened in his chest. This child could have been his. Stephanie could have been his.
If he hadn’t been so damnably noble.
“Sure looks that way,” the paramedic was saying. “And you look like you could use a shirt,” he commented.
Sebastian looked down. He’d all but forgotten that he’d stripped his shirt off to wrap the first twin in. “I guess I could at that.”
“I think we’ve got something we can fix you up with in the ambulance. You did a great job—” the man glanced at the opened black bag “—Doc. Took us only fifteen minutes to get here from the time we got the call. You are one fast lady,” he said, giving Stephanie a toothy, genial grin. “Lucky for you he came along.”
“Lucky,” she murmured, trying to make out whether or not Sebastian was even looking her way. The angle of the invasive light made it difficult for her to make out his expression. Maybe it was better that way, now that the crisis was over.
Another paramedic, younger than the first, entered the van. “Here, let me take him,” he offered, nodding at the infant in Sebastian’s arms.
“There’re two,” Sebastian told him, indicating the tiny being in the laundry basket.
It occurred to him as he surrendered the baby to the paramedic that he’d delivered and held nearly twenty babies so far in his budding career, yet he was far more aware of giving up this one than he had been of the very first infant he’d delivered.
That little boy should have been his hallmark, not this nameless little creature.
But then, he hadn’t loved that first baby’s mother as he did this one’s. Once. Sebastian underlined the word firmly in his mind, knowing he would have no peace otherwise.
What had been was not now. He had to remember that. Seven years had passed. Seven years of sunrises and sunsets, of life moving on.
“There’re two in here, Murphy,” the second paramedic called out to someone standing outside the van. “Call Bedford General and tell them to get two more bassinets ready.”
“Harris Memorial,” Stephanie corrected him, relieved that she could gather together enough breath to form more than just a single isolated word at a time. “My doctor’s at Harris Memorial.”
The older paramedic looked at her apologetically. “Sorry, ma’am, we’ve got to take you to the closest hospital in the area. I don’t have the authority to just arbitrarily pick another—”
Sebastian cut him off. “I’m on staff at Harris Memorial. Whatever paperwork has to be done to get her there, I’ll take care of it.”
It was a lie, one he figured he could bluff his way through once the time came. Harris Memorial was the hospital where his application was pending as he waited to be accepted. It wasn’t a done deal yet. But he didn’t want Stephanie subjected to any more undue agitation. In the total scheme of things, he felt he owed it to her.
The older paramedic exchanged looks with his partner, and then he nodded his assent.
“Okay, you’re the doc. I’ll square it with dispatch later. Guess that means you’ll be riding along with the mother in the ambulance.” He made the assumption without waiting for a comment.
Sebastian paused, trapped. It hadn’t been his intention to accompany Stephanie to the hospital. He was just going to step out of the van and out of her life again, returning home with the videos fate had had him come get just at this exact moment in time. But after what he’d just said, he didn’t see that he had much choice in the matter.
“Guess so,” he agreed. He purposely avoided looking at Stephanie. But he could feel her eyes on him.
Emerging out of the van, he stepped into a surprising round of applause.
The people who’d gathered around the initial scene of the accident, including the owner of the black SUV, had obviously all hung around to find out if Stephanie had indeed given birth.
“What did she have?” someone called out.
Sebastian didn’t bother trying to attach a face to the voice, merely turned in its direction. “A girl and a boy.”
Suddenly, there was a slightly disheveled man in his late thirties at his side, a dog-eared, much-used notepad in his hand.
“Can I get your name?” the man pressed, his pencil poised over a new page. When Sebastian looked at him quizzically, the man added, “I’m from the Bedford World News,” citing the small, weekly local paper. “Newborns Make Their Appearance in Apothecary Parking Lot,” he declared, using his hands to frame an imaginary headline for an article. He grinned, satisfied. “It’s a nice human interest piece, don’t you think?”
It was on the tip of Sebastian’s tongue to say no. He didn’t like sharing his privacy, or having Stephanie’s invaded. But she wasn’t his to protect, and he reminded himself that he was no longer a private man, either. His medical degree had seen to that. Now he had to be available to the general public. On call at all hours. This included during his private hours.
With a certain amount of resignation, he gave the man his name, saying “the woman” hadn’t given him hers. In the strictest sense of the word, it was true, she hadn’t.
As the local journalist began peppering him with questions, Sebastian took his arm, pulling him back out of the way as the gurney was lifted into the van. Less than two minutes later, it was back out again, with Stephanie tucked in between the wide belts. On either side of her was a paramedic, each holding a whimpering baby. Each infant was now wrapped in a clean white receiving blanket.
“Time to go, Doc,” the lead paramedic called out to him from within the vehicle.
Taking his cue with relief, Sebastian acknowledged the man. “Be right there. Sorry, gotta go,” he said to the reporter as he quickly got into the ambulance.
“Hey, wait,” the journalist called after Sebastian. “I need details.”
“Maybe later” was all Sebastian said just before the doors were closed.
With a sigh, Sebastian turned away from the doors to look at Stephanie. He expected her to say something about the reporter. Instead, he found that she was asleep. The strain of giving birth had finally gotten to her, draining her.
Sebastian sat down gingerly beside her. It was better this way, he thought, resisting the urge to take her hand in his. He’d do what was necessary to get her admitted into the hospital, and once that was taken care of, he’d slip away. He intended to be long gone before Stephanie’s husband came on the scene.
He felt his jaw tightening. In his present emotional state, he strongly doubted if he could behave in a civil, detached manner. Not in this case. He didn’t believe in putting himself into situations where he wasn’t in control, and it didn’t take a genius to know that right now, his control was nil.
“Here, Doc, it’s the best we’ve got, I’m afraid.” Sebastian looked up to see the first paramedic offering him a blue shirt that resembled his.
Taking it, he put it on. “Thanks.”
“I think your shirt’s ruined.” The paramedic looked at the wadded-up article. “Unless you’ve got a wife who works miracles.”
“No,” Sebastian said quietly, looking down at Stephanie. “No wife, no miracles.” Seeing her sleeping like that, a thousand thoughts ran pell-mell through his head. He couldn’t seem to stop them.
He remembered the last time he had seen her like this…
The only time he had seen her like this, Sebastian corrected himself.
The sentimental smile came out of nowhere, unbidden as he relived moments he’d locked away more than seven years ago. He hadn’t meant for the things to get out of hand that night, but one thing had led to another and he had made love with her.
Beautiful, exquisite love. Innocent and pure. He could feel his breath evaporating now as he remembered it.
Locked away in his mind or not, that single night was probably what had sustained him through all these long, lonely years.
And what had haunted him.
There was no need for him to remain.
In truth, it turned out that there really was no reason for him to have come in the first place. In true Stephanie fashion, Stephanie had taken care of all the details way ahead of time and registered herself at the hospital against her due date.
He was surprised to discover that Stephanie was preregistered under her maiden name. But then, Stephanie had always been so fiercely independent, retaining her name was something that would have been typical of her, Sebastian realized.
Since the paperwork had been taken care of ahead of time, there was no need for him to fill out any forms. And no need for him to remain any longer.
With no excuse to hide behind, Sebastian made his way to the public phones to call a cab that would take him back to the car he’d left back in the strip mall’s parking lot. When he heard the hospital’s PA system go off, he didn’t really pay attention to it. It had been doing so with a fair amount of regularity since he had arrived with Stephanie. The names being paged only vaguely registered in the peripheral corners of his mind.
This time the name over the PA system did more than just vaguely float through his brain. Sebastian paused to listen. The doctor being paged had the same last name as he had.
“Dr. Caine, please report to the fifth-floor nurses’ station.”
Had to be a different Dr. Caine, he thought. After all, it wasn’t that unusual a last name and no one knew he was here.
“Dr. Sebastian Caine,” the voice was saying, “please report to the fifth-floor nurses’ station.”
So much for it not being him, he thought. But why were they paging him?
Unless—
Worried, afraid that something had suddenly gone wrong with Stephanie, he hurried back to the bank of elevators he’d just left in the rear of the building. Pressing the up button, he waited exactly two beats before considering taking the five flights up via the stairwell.
But as he turned to go toward the stairs, the doors of the elevator car farthest away from him opened. Pivoting on his heel, he did an about-face and hurried into the emptying car.
Impatient, trying not to speculate why he’d suddenly been paged, he punched the button marked five. It felt like an eternity before the elevator reached the fifth floor.
With his lanky stride, it took him less than five seconds to make it from the elevator to the nurses’ station.
“I’m Dr. Caine,” he told the nurse who was just beginning to leave the area. “I was just paged to come here. Is something wrong with Ms. Yarbourough? The woman who was just brought in with twins,” he added when the nurse looked at him blankly.
“There’s nothing’s wrong with Stephanie, Doctor. On the contrary, she couldn’t be more right.”
Sebastian turned around to see a cool-looking, slender blonde wearing a white lab coat and a warm smile walking toward him, her hand extended in greeting.
“I’m Sheila Pollack, Stephanie’s doctor,” she told him, shaking his hand. Her sharp eyes quickly took measure of the man before her. She liked what she saw. Cool competence. And there was something in his eyes, something she couldn’t quite read but that had the markings of concern. The man had obviously gotten more than just professionally involved. “I just wanted to tell you that you did a fine job.”
Relieved, Sebastian mentally upbraided himself for jumping to dark conclusions. But then, in all fairness, there hadn’t been all that many bright spots in his life to draw on. Stephanie had represented one of the very few. And Stephanie would have been enough, if…
His thoughts weren’t supposed to be going in that direction any longer, he chastised himself silently.
Never comfortable with praise, Sebastian acknowledged the woman’s compliment with a careless shrug. “She made it easy.”
Sheila laughed. The look in her eyes was one of familiarity, even though they hardly knew each other. Between them, they shared Stephanie, and for Sheila, that was enough to make a start. “Stephanie doesn’t make anything easy.”
He smiled then. “No, I suppose she doesn’t.” He had to be getting back. He had a feeling the tapes he’d left on the front seat of his car were melting. “Well, Dr. Pollack, if there’s nothing else—”
“But there is,” Sheila told him, interrupting. “She’s asking for you.”
Chapter Four
Stupid to feel nervous like this.
Sebastian upbraided himself as he walked down the corridor to Stephanie’s room. He’d entered hundreds of hospital rooms. None, not even his first one as a medical student, had ever made his palms feel as if they were damp.
Unconsciously drawing in a deep breath, Sebastian pushed the door open and peered in. Despite the summons, he was hoping that she was asleep. That way, he could say he had stopped by as asked, but would be off the hook.
She was awake.
The hook sank in a little deeper.
“Hi.” As he said it, the single-word greeting sounded particularly lame and hollow to him, given their history and what they’d just gone through together.
She didn’t think he’d come, even though she’d asked Sheila to page him for her. She thought that he’d just leave the hospital. Now that he was here, she wasn’t sure what to say, or even why she was putting herself through this.
Too late now for second thoughts, she told herself.
Stephanie pressed the remote attached to her bed and the upper portion began to rise, allowing her to look straight at him instead of up.
“Hi.”
He nodded over his shoulder toward the corridor beyond the closed door. “Met your doctor. She said you wanted to see me.”
The irony of the words struck her. More than you’d ever know, Sebastian. More than you’d ever even begin to guess.
Silence played through the room, drawing itself out, encompassing both of them.
There were hundreds of questions crowding her head, and a hundred more accusations and recriminations beyond that. But she knew the futility of re-hashing things. Nothing would be settled by bringing up the past and nothing would be resolved. What was done was done. He’d made his choice seven years ago, left her after her father had made it apparent to him, her father had told her, that she and the family money were not a package deal. Her father went to great lengths to make sure she was painfully aware of that. That Sebastian had left her because she would no longer be in his will.
Maybe that was why there was such a schism between her and her father now.
Sebastian was waiting for her to say something. Manners were important in the world she came from. Outward badges of breeding that hid a myriad of blemishes, she thought cynically.
Stephanie said the most logical thing that came to mind.
“I didn’t get a chance to say thank you for what you did.”
Sebastian shoved his hands into his front pockets. His degree, the long, hard years spent earning it as well as the respect of his peers in the medical profession, all fell mysteriously away. For a second, he was just Sebastian Caine again, a seventeen-year-old senior from the wrong side of the tracks, way out of his league by trying to strike up a conversation with the daughter of one of the most well-known lawyers in the state. Never mind that she was his friend’s sister. His mouth had turned to cotton just looking at her.
A little like now, he thought.
All he’d had then to see him through was his bravado. That, and an attraction so strong, he couldn’t even breathe when he was in the same vicinity as Stephanie.
Sebastian dug deeper now, telling himself he was a fool for the momentary jolt of insecurity. He’d come a very long way since then. He’d made something of his life, not wasted it away in the pursuit of some meaningless job the way her father had predicted.
In an odd sort of way, he supposed he had her father to thank for all that, for becoming the doctor he was now. It was the image of Carlton Yarbourough’s smirking face that had goaded him into meeting challenge after challenge long after he had ceased to willingly go out tilting at windmills. It had been his determination to show the snide bastard up that had made him endure the spirit-draining schedule of holding down two jobs and attending medical school, all on next to no sleep.
Funny how things turned out sometimes. The man who had clearly hated him had become one of the reasons he had attained his goals.
The westerly oriented room embraced the sunlight that spilled into it. Sebastian took another step into the room. Another step closer to her.
“I’m a doctor. If I stumble across a woman giving birth, it’s my job to stop and help her. It’s clearly spelled out in the Hippocratic oath,” he added.
She couldn’t help the smile that came to her lips. “Same eloquent way of saying things, I see.”
He shrugged carelessly, looking away. The woman had just given birth and wasn’t supposed to look enticing in any manner, shape or form. So why did she? “Yeah, well, can’t expect much from a guy dragged up on the wrong side of the tracks, now can you?”
She looked at him, trying to still the numbing pain his cold tone had suddenly generated within her. He’d always been a brooding soul, but not like this. When had he become so bitter?
“I always did,” she told him quietly. And she had. Expected great things of him. Which was why having him abandon her without a word of explanation had been so devastating to her.
He laughed shortly. She lied well, he thought. In the end, if they had stayed together, it would have been just like her father said, her soul squashed by a life of deprivation. “Well, that would have placed you in the minority.”
She was trying very hard not to let her emotions into this. “I don’t think so.”
Sebastian looked at her and felt that old feeling wash over him. The one that reduced him in stature and strength. He wasn’t going to stay and get pulled in by those huge blue eyes of hers. Wasn’t going to stand here, looking at her mouth form words and wishing he could silence it with his own.
He’d only be making himself crazy.
Slowly, he began backing away toward the door. “Look, I’ve got to be going.” He thought of the initial errand that had caused their paths to cross. “There’re videotapes dissolving in my front seat.” His hand was on the door. “Glad you’re okay.”
He left before she had a chance to say she was sorry to see that she couldn’t say the same for him.
When had he returned to Bedford? How long had he been walking the streets, driving the roads, without letting her know he was here?
Loneliness blanketed her.
Suddenly feeling very, very tired, Stephanie closed her eyes and sank back into her pillow as she slowly lowered the bed down again.
“Did they move the video place to Seattle?” Geraldine Caine’s teasing voice reached Sebastian just as he let himself into the house.
Pocketing his key, he turned toward the family room and watched her approaching. Something sad and angry twisted inside of him as he saw her leaning so heavily on the cane that never seemed to leave her side now. He couldn’t help remembering the way this bright, vibrant woman had initially encouraged his love of track and field sports by jogging alongside him when he was just a boy.
Now all that seemed left of that woman was her wide smile and that brilliant sparkle in her eyes. Except that right now she looked worried. That was his fault, he thought with a prick of guilt. He knew she was trying not to show just how concerned she must have grown. Being a good mother in her book meant sublimating her own needs, her own fears and putting his life first. It was the way she had always operated. He’d always come first. She’d never said a word when he left home seven years ago. Only that she would always be there for him if he should need her. She was one in a million. Which was why he’d returned when she’d needed him.
“Sorry,” he said, tucking the two videos he’d brought in under his arm, “I should have called.”
Geraldine had long since come to the conclusion that mothers only stopped worrying once they were dead.
“You’re a thirty-year-old man, Sebastian. There’s no need to keep your mother apprised of your every move.” And then she smiled, creating a small space between the thumb and forefinger she held up. “Maybe a little phone call,” she allowed.
She led the way to the kitchen, knowing he had to want a cup of coffee. He’d developed a fondness for the brew at the age of eleven, when he used to come to the restaurant after school and do his homework, waiting for her to get off work. Over the years, his affinity for the drink had only intensified.
Unable to contain her growing curiosity any longer, she turned from the coffeemaker on the counter and asked, “So, what was it that kept you from promptly returning from the video store? An old friend you ran into? A wave of nostalgia that took you past the university?” Filling the two cups that stood waiting on their saucers, she waited for Sebastian to jump in.
He sat down on the stool beside the counter and pulled the cup and saucer over to him. “The former.”
“Oh?” Geraldine laced her own coffee liberally with a creamer, wondering if she was as bad at sounding innocent as she thought. “Who?” Sebastian raised his eyes to hers and then she knew. Knew without his having to say a word. Geraldine felt her mother’s heart constrict just a little within her breast. “How is she?”
Sebastian took a long, silent sip, then laughed softly, shaking his head in disbelief. Not that she hadn’t managed to do this “magic trick” of hers before. “You know, you really should have never let that mind-reading talent of yours go to waste.”
Eyes the same color as his crinkled as she smiled at him, this serious boy who had grown into such a serious man. “Only works on you, I’m afraid. Not much of a calling for mothers to make revelations about their children on the open market.”
He thought of the tabloid headline he’d seen recently at the supermarket: Country Star’s Mama Sings the Blues About Her Son. “Unless you’re the mother of a celebrity,” he told her.
Geraldine set down her cup again. “Oh, but I am.” She tucked one arm around his and gave him a quick hug. “I’m the mother of an up-and-coming doctor who gave up his budding practice to rush to the side of his ailing, pain-in-the-butt mother.”
Leaning over, he kissed the top of her head. Affection laced through him. “You were never a pain in the butt.” And then he grinned down at her. “It was more like a pain in the neck.”
Relieved that he could still joke after seeing Stephanie, Geraldine feigned a serious expression. “Show a little respect, you hear?”
He drained the coffee cup, then helped himself to another serving. “You started it, remember?”
She watched him set the coffeepot back on the burner. He was agitated. He always drank a lot of coffee when he was agitated, which only made him more so. It was a vicious cycle.
“I’m your mother, I can start anything I want.” She sobered, dropping the bantering tone. Treading lightly on the sensitive ground, she approached it again. “So, you didn’t answer me. How was she?”
Just as damn beautiful as ever. More. I wish I’d never seen her.
“About to give birth,” he replied offhandedly. Though it was hard to maintain his vague tone when he added, “As a matter of fact, I delivered her twins.”
Geraldine sank down on the stool, bracing herself against the counter. Her cane clattered to the floor. “She’s pregnant?”
Sebastian bent down and retrieved the cane, leaning it against the underside of the counter beside his mother. She nodded her silent thanks.
“Not anymore. Two healthy babies, a girl and a boy, thanks to yours truly. Delivered in the video rental parking lot.” He added the coda as if he were delivering Shakespearean lines.
Geraldine frowned, having a difficult time assimilating all this. “Right out in the lot?”
It might have come to that. Stephanie had seemed ready to pop. “In a van, actually. Some woman lent it to us when it didn’t look as if the ambulance would make it in time. I didn’t get her name,” he added, realizing only now as he said it. “She probably regretted her random act of kindness the minute she got a load of the inside of her van.”
Geraldine shook her head. He’d delivered a baby in the time she’d been watching the clock and twisting her medal almost off its link. “I let you out of my sight for what starts out to be just a few minutes and you run off, playing Dr. Kildare.”
He looked at his mother blankly. “Dr. who?”
She waved a hand at him, picking up her cup again. “Never mind, before your time.” Taking a long sip, she allowed herself a second to speculate on the situation. “I wonder how her father took all this.”
Stephanie’s father was the last person he’d concerned himself with. “I couldn’t care less.” Curiosity arose suddenly, out of nowhere, getting the better of him. “Why should he take this badly? Didn’t he approve of her husband?”
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