A Texas Holiday Miracle
Linda Warren
CHRISTMAS IS FOR REALMoving to Horseshoe, Texas, to become guardian of her half sister has been rewarding for Lacey Carroll. But raising a six-year-old–especially one who has stopped believing in Santa Claus–has its challenges. Lacey's goal is to bring holiday wonder back into the child's life, which isn't going to be easy with a grinch like Gabe Garrison next door. The man is mean, rude…and hurting.After losing his son, Gabe shut out the world. But his privacy is invaded by the quirky, dynamic blonde and her kid sister, who are single-handedly filling his solitary life with love. When Lacey enlists him in a holiday campaign for Emma's sake, he can't resist. Will Lacey's unique brand of healing magic make this a season of second chances–for all of them?
CHRISTMAS IS FOR REAL
Moving to Horseshoe, Texas, to become guardian of her half sister has been rewarding for Lacey Carroll. But raising a six-year-old—especially one who has stopped believing in Santa Claus—has its challenges. Lacey’s goal is to bring holiday wonder back into the child’s life, which isn’t going to be easy with a grinch like Gabe Garrison next door. The man is mean, rude…and hurting.
After losing his son, Gabe shut out the world. But his privacy is invaded by the quirky, dynamic blonde and her kid sister, who are single-handedly filling his solitary life with love. When Lacey enlists him in a holiday campaign for Emma’s sake, he can’t resist. Will Lacey’s unique brand of healing magic make this a season of second chances—for all of them?
“My lipstick is all gone. Kiss me.”
“What?”
“Kissing will make my lips red. Don’t you know that?”
“I…”
Lacey caught the front of Gabe’s sweatshirt and pulled him forward, planting a kiss smack on his lips. For a moment he was caught off guard, but found himself responding.
Pulling back, she licked her lips. “Cool and chocolaty. Nice.” She puckered up. “Are they pink?”
He cracked a smile. He couldn’t help himself. She was infectious and tempting and drawing him into her delightful personality.
“You are crazy.”
“See?” She touched his lips with one finger, and he wanted to grab it with his teeth and nibble and… “I made you smile. It helps to be a little crazy and not take life so seriously.”
Dear Reader (#ulink_a877e60f-e247-5ad5-85f1-6666caef93db),
Welcome back to Horseshoe, Texas (The Sheriff of Horseshoe, Texas, Mills & Boon American Romance, March 2009; One Night in Texas, Mills & Boon American Romance, May 2014). This is a story about learning to love and live again. I have to warn you—there are some scenes that are sad, but if you hang in there, you’ll cheer for Lacey and Gabe and maybe even shed a few tears of joy for them.
This story came out of nowhere. Late one night I was watching reruns of Everybody Loves Raymond. Ray wanted to tell Ally the truth about Santa Claus. Debra was adamantly against it. Back and forth it went with their crazy antics. Then I read a story on the internet about a woman who had lost her husband and wanted to make Christmas special for her little girl. But all the little girl wanted was for her daddy to come home. These two things got me thinking. What would you do if someone told your child there was no Santa Claus? No Christmas? And what if you had to handle it alone while dealing with a heartbreaking loss?
We’ve all lost loved ones and know how difficult it is to let go. Lacey has lost her father and has guardianship of her six-year-old half sister, Emma. Her next-door neighbor, Gabe Garrison, has lost his eight-year-old son in an accident. This was a difficult story to write because of the grief, but a dog named Pepper and a little girl who doesn’t believe in Christmas anymore pulls it all together in an unimaginable way. Keep reading to the very last page and you’ll believe in miracles, too.
Merry Christmas!
With love and thanks,
Linda Warren
You can email me at Lw1508@aol.com, or send me a message on Facebook, www.facebook.com/lindawarrenauthor (http://www.facebook.com/lindawarrenauthor), or Twitter @texauthor (https://twitter.com/texauthor), or write me at P.O. Box 5182, Bryan, TX 77805. Visit my website at www.lindawarren.net (http://www.lindawarren.net). Your mail and thoughts are deeply appreciated.
A Texas
Holiday Miracle
Linda Warren
www.millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk)
ABOUT THE AUTHOR (#ulink_68025b75-00ed-5dd8-bb50-394d3740d996)
Two-time RITA® Award-nominated and award-winning author LINDA WARREN loves her job, writing happily-ever-after books for Mills & Boon. Drawing upon her years of growing up on a farm/ranch in Texas, she writes about sexy heroes, feisty heroines and broken families with an emotional punch, all set against the backdrop of Texas. Her favorite pastime is sitting on her patio with her husband watching the wildlife, especially the injured ones that are coming in pairs these days: two Canada geese with broken wings, two does with broken legs and a bobcat ready to pounce on anything tasty. Learn more about Linda and her books at her website, www.lindawarren.net (http://www.lindawarren.net), or on Facebook, www.facebook.com/authorlindawarren (http://www.facebook.com/authorlindawarren).
A special thanks to my go-to ladies, Cindi, Joan, Charissa and Tammy, who know everything from kids to Christmas to plotting. Thank you!
Dedication (#ulink_7a69a3bb-df86-54ab-83fd-5eea821bc723)
I dedicate this book to the readers, who write to me, buy my books, come to book signings, encourage me and support me. Your friendship means the world to me. Wishing you love, joy and happiness this holiday season.
And a miracle or two. Love, Linda
Contents
Cover (#u3914ab4a-6ae1-58c2-82f2-22ead0e58b10)
Back Cover Text (#uaa345698-e6e6-5d9c-923f-2431e7733fa6)
Introduction (#uef469324-536e-5565-a462-e13a913bd363)
Dear Reader (#ulink_4706e1a9-93fb-524f-b375-00a4d4ad616e)
Title Page (#u84610a0c-1fd0-568d-9721-a041abdf81bc)
ABOUT THE AUTHOR (#ulink_d08f9e72-9427-5c1d-9cef-6bdd7b805fdc)
Acknowledgements (#ulink_06bf7f73-5426-50da-9356-079b98b3162e)
Dedication (#ulink_d647a4cc-5d6f-5759-adee-5fa10d453125)
Chapter One (#ulink_6118f8b2-ce10-5a9e-a2c5-924532439862)
Chapter Two (#ulink_ee6c00c0-cc1c-5677-a114-5d66da9367ba)
Chapter Three (#ulink_cb7e9949-b065-5c61-bfb9-31309b58f6d2)
Chapter Four (#ulink_832ef555-94fb-5577-9b7b-e7dea9250254)
Chapter Five (#ulink_dc3d26c0-0bc3-509a-bd51-c447699b0000)
Chapter Six (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Seven (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Eight (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Nine (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Ten (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Eleven (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Twelve (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Thirteen (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Fourteen (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Fifteen (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Sixteen (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Seventeen (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Eighteen (#litres_trial_promo)
Epilogue (#litres_trial_promo)
Extract (#litres_trial_promo)
Copyright (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter One (#ulink_7fdcdcf3-de25-5a11-a795-20e584600bba)
Christmas was the happiest time of the year for many people, but for Lacey Carroll it would be the saddest. Too much had happened to...
The front door slammed with the strength of a gale-force wind. She paused in spooning macaroni and cheese onto a plate. Not another bad day. This would make four in a row. She placed the pot on the stove, wiped her hands on a Frosty the Snowman dish towel and made her way into the living room.
Her six-year-old half sister, Emma, sat in the middle of the sofa with her arms clutched across her chest, her face scrunched into a dipped-in-vinegar frown. One of her pigtails had come undone and stuck out in a snarl on the left side of her head. Grass and bits of leaves were tangled in her blond hair. Smears of dirt marred her face, her red T-shirt and her jeans. Her sneakers were filthy, the shoelaces undone. She’d been fighting. Again!
Before their father, Jack, had passed away five months ago, he’d asked Lacey to care for Emma, so Lacey was now Emma’s legal guardian. She couldn’t refuse her father’s dying wish, even though she had a good job in Austin and her own life. At twenty-eight, she’d made a life-changing decision because she loved her sister. Days like this, though, tried her patience and reminded her how ill equipped she was to raise a child.
She’d bought child-rearing books and kept a mental one filled with common sense in her head. On most days she needed both.
“What happened?” Lacey asked in her best authoritative voice.
“Don’t talk to me. I’m mad,” Emma shot back.
“Lose the attitude. What happened?”
Emma glared at her through narrowed eyes. “I told you don’t talk to me.”
“And I told you to lose the attitude. Now!”
Emma turned her face away in anger.
Lacey sat beside her. “What happened?” she asked again, this time in a more soothing tone.
Emma whipped her head around. “I wanted to hit him in his big fat nose.”
Oh, good heavens. Lacey took a deep breath. “Who did you want to hit in the nose? You know hitting is against our rules. Daddy’s rules.”
“Brad Wilson. Daddy would’ve hit him, too.”
“I don’t think so. Daddy didn’t believe in violence.”
Emma’s face crumpled. “He said...said...there’s no Santa Claus, and Jimmy and I...were big babies for believing in him.”
Oh, no! Lacey flipped through pages of the mental book in her head. She knew what Emma’s next question was going to be and she had to have an answer. A good one.
“Is it true, Lacey? Is there no Santa? Did Daddy put my gifts under the tree?” Big green eyes, just like Lacey’s, begged for an answer.
As Lacey saw it, she had three options. Lie like she’d never lied before. Tell Emma Brad was teasing her. Or offer the truth. How could she tell a six-year-old there was no Santa Claus?
Her father had told Lacey he wanted her always to be honest with Emma just as he’d been honest with Lacey. Still...
She searched for the right thing to say. Lie, lie, lie, her inner voice kept chanting. If she did, Emma would find out soon enough. But she’d still have time to believe like a little girl should.
Lacey scooted closer and wrapped an arm around Emma. “You know there’s more to Christmas than Santa Claus and receiving gifts.”
“No, there isn’t. Christmas is about getting gifts from Santa Claus.”
Lacey prayed for patience...and wisdom. “Christmas is about the birth of Jesus Christ, and we celebrate his life by giving gifts. Sometimes giving is better than receiving.”
“No, it isn’t. Without Santa Claus there is no Christmas.” Emma’s eyes widened in realization. “There is no Santa Claus. No!” She fell sideways on the sofa and howled as if the world had come to an end.
Lacey gave her a minute and frantically breezed through the book in her head, but the pages were blank. Maybe mothers who had given birth had all the parenting answers. Lacey didn’t have a clue how to soothe a little girl’s broken heart, except to love her. She gathered a wailing Emma into her arms. Hitting Brad in the nose didn’t seem like a bad idea at the moment.
“Shh.” Lacey stroked Emma’s hair, picking out bits of grass and leaves. “We’ll still have Christmas. When you wake up Christmas morning, all your gifts will be under the tree and we’ll have hot chocolate and cookies like always. Nothing has changed.”
“It has, too.” Emma sniffled into Lacey’s chest. “I don’t want any gifts if they don’t come from Santa Claus.”
“Not even that red bicycle you’ve been wanting?”
Emma thought for a second. “No. I don’t want nothin’.”
Lacey cradled her sister close. “Sweetie, Christmas is a feeling that you have in here.” She placed her hand on Emma’s chest. “It makes you feel good to believe in an imaginary figure who will grant your every wish. It’s every child’s dream. But in reality it’s those people around us who love us and give us that feeling and make us feel joy and love.” She poked Emma in the chest again. “All you have to do is believe in Santa, and he’s right there, just like Jesus Christ. You learned that in church. As long as you believe, no one can take that feeling from you. It’s warm and comforting and brings unimaginable joy. You’ll feel it’s Christmas because I love you and I will make Christmas as special as I can.”
“But you’re not Santa.”
“I am Santa.” She tickled Emma’s rib cage. “Don’t you feel all warm and fuzzy inside?”
Emma giggled. “You’re weird, Lacey.”
“But you love me.”
Emma snuggled closer. “Uh-huh.”
Lacey sagged with relief. Maybe they could get through this.
The doorbell rang and Emma rose. “I’ll get it.”
“No. You go brush the trash out of your hair and I’ll get the door.”
“Aw, Lacey.”
Lacey pointed toward the hall. “Go.” Emma dragged her feet toward her bedroom and Lacey went to answer the door. Sharon Wilson and her two sons stood there.
Emma came racing back, her fist raised in the air. “I’m gonna hit him in his big fat nose.”
Lacey caught her before she could accomplish her goal. “Stop it.”
Sharon and her boys took a step backward. “She is a little aggressive, Lacey.”
Lacey bristled. “Your son just ruined her Christmas, so I’d be careful what you say.”
“I’m sorry, Lacey. My husband will handle this when he comes home.”
“I’m not sure what your husband can do. The damage is already done, and I’m not happy about it. Your son was very cruel to ruin their Christmas.”
“They’re stupid kids, and...”
Sharon popped Brad on the back of the head with her hand. “Shut up. Your father will deal with you when he gets home. Go to the house and wait for me.” Brad ran away, but Jimmy waved shyly at Emma before following.
“Could we talk for a minute?” Sharon asked.
Lacey nudged Emma toward the hall. “Go brush your hair.” Surprisingly, she went.
Sharon twisted her hands. “I know Emma’s been through a rough time and I understand that, but I feel it’s best if our kids don’t play together anymore.”
You hussy almost erupted from Lacey’s mouth. The woman had nerve. Lacey quickly calmed her rising temper. Jimmy was Emma’s only playmate, and her sister needed a friend. Since their father’s death, Emma had alienated everyone around her. Lacey was working to change that, but days like this didn’t help.
Lacey swallowed her pride. “Emma and Jimmy play well together. It’s your older son who’s causing all the problems.”
“I know. Since he turned ten, I can’t handle him anymore. I leave that up to my husband. I’m really sorry, Lacey. Jimmy likes Emma.”
“Can Jimmy come here to play with Emma, because I really don’t want Emma around Brad?”
“Well, I guess that would be okay.” Sharon looked toward her house down the street. “I better go before the boys get into another fight. Again, I’m sorry.”
Lacey closed the door and made her way to the kitchen. Emma bounded in with her hair all around her face and climbed onto a bar stool.
“Did you wash your hands?”
“Yes.”
“We’ll have to wash your hair tonight.”
Emma brushed it from her face. “Why?”
“Because it’s dirty.”
“Lacey, you always make me do things I don’t want to.”
“That’s life, snuggle bunny.” Lacey placed a plate in front of Emma and sat beside her on the other bar stool.
Emma stared at the food. “What’s this?”
“Supper. Your favorite mac and cheese out of a box. Green beans, turkey and cranberry sauce left over from Thanksgiving.”
“But you burned it.”
“I cut the burned part off and the turkey is still good. Eat it.”
“You’re gonna kill us, Lacey. You’re not supposed to eat burned food.”
“Eat and stop complaining.”
Emma ate the mac and cheese, most of the turkey and picked at the green beans. Lacey had to admit she was a lousy cook. Her mother was, too. Her dad had been in charge in the kitchen. It shouldn’t be that hard, but she seemed to burn everything she made. In Austin, she ate out mostly because she was so busy. But a child needed a healthy diet.
“These beans are yucky. You’re supposed to put butter on them or something. Daddy did.”
Butter. Why hadn’t she thought of that? She had to buy a cookbook or something. Eating at the local diner was getting old. She’d attempted Thanksgiving dinner because she wanted it to be special for Emma, but she wasn’t fooling anyone. It had been a disaster. And kind of lonely with just the two of them.
She carried her plate to the sink. “If you’re finished, go take your bath and I’ll do the dishes. I’ll be in to help with your hair.”
Emma climbed off the stool and dashed down the hall. After putting the dishes in the dishwasher, Lacey wiped the counter. A banging sounded from next door. Their neighbor, Gabe Garrison, was working on something. He always was.
Lacey had never actually had a conversation with the man. Her father had introduced them months earlier and Gabe had said hello and walked away. Her dad had explained that the man’s son had been killed in an ATV accident—an ATV that Gabe had bought the child for his birthday.
According to her father, Gabe had been a lawyer in Austin. After the accident, he’d tried to continue working, but hadn’t been able to. He and his wife had divorced and he’d moved back to Horseshoe, where he’d been raised, to grieve alone. He wanted privacy and Lacey understood that, but that was hard to explain to a six-year-old.
Gabe’s son’s dog, Pepper, was in the backyard and a big temptation for Emma. Lacey lost track of the number of times she’d told Emma not to go into Gabe’s yard. Emma never listened. If she heard the dog, she went over, and then Lacey would get a short lecture from Gabe on respecting a man’s privacy.
Leaning against the counter, Lacey wondered what her friends in Austin were doing. Probably getting ready to go out for the night to a club to party. That had been Lacey’s old life, and she missed it in ways that were hard to explain. Maybe because that life had been carefree with very little responsibility. Now responsibility weighed on her like an anvil around her neck. Some days it was hard to stand upright for the weight. She didn’t regret her decision to raise Emma. She just regretted she wasn’t more experienced at being responsible.
Her parents had divorced after nineteen years of marriage, and Lacey’s young life had been thrown into turmoil. Her college dream had been forgotten because there was no money to send her, so she worked at Macy’s in the makeup department. Her mother worked there, too. It hadn’t been ideal, but it had been a job.
A short three months later, her mother had remarried and Lacey had moved out of the house and been on her own. She’d gotten a job with a party-planning company. She’d loved it, and she’d been away from the influence of her mother and her mother’s new husband.
Her dad had moved back to Horseshoe, where he had grown up. A year later he’d married Mona and they’d had Emma. Her father had been happier than Lacey had ever seen him. She’d continued to visit, much to her mother’s displeasure, and had enjoyed spending time with them. Never in a million years had she imagined her dad’s and Mona’s lives would be cut so short.
She tucked the memories away and hurried to help her sister. Bathed and in her jammies, Emma carried her soft blanket, her Pooh bear and a pillow to watch TV.
“I’ll see if I can find a Christmas show.” Lacey flipped through the channels.
“I don’t want to watch a Christmas show. There is no Christmas.”
Lacey let that pass, hoping Emma’s attitude would change. At six, it changed often. Sometimes faster than Lacey could keep up. “Shrek the Halls is on. You like Shrek.”
Emma curled up with the blanket on the sofa and watched without complaining. Score one for Lacey. “I have to get clothes out of the dryer, but I’ll be right back to watch it with you.”
“’Kay.”
Lacey folded the laundry and put it away. She thought of taking a shower, but decided to wait until Emma had gone to bed. Her sister needed all of Lacey’s attention. She stopped short in the living room doorway. The blanket, Pooh Bear and pillow were on the sofa, but Emma was not.
“No! No! No!” Lacey ran for the back door. The only place Emma would go was to see Pepper, and Lacey did not want another confrontation with Gabe the Grouch.
Her father had installed a privacy fence around their backyard. A gate opened into Gabe’s yard. Lacey rushed through it and stopped suddenly. Gabe stood there with a scowl as big as Texas on his face.
The man was tall, six foot or more. He wore jeans and a dark flannel shirt. He looked foreboding. A chill slid through her that had nothing to do with the temperature. His hair was long and his face unshaven, as if he didn’t care, which Lacey knew he didn’t. His jeans and shirt seemed to hang on his thin body. He probably ate very little, but he still was a very handsome man in roguish sort of way.
“Would you please keep your sister out of my yard?” The words were cold and sharp, just as he’d intended, she was sure.
She stepped around his dark presence and went to Emma, who was kneeling by Pepper. The black lab was lying in a dog bed and Emma was stroking her.
She reached for Emma’s arm. “Let’s go. You’re not supposed to be here.”
Emma looked at her with beseeching eyes. “But Pepper wants me here.”
The dog whimpered as if it were in pain. Was the dog sick? It was none of her business, she had to remind herself. She tugged on Emma’s arm and half dragged her back toward the gate.
It was a chilly winter night and Emma just had on her PJs. “Run to the house. I’ll be right there.”
Emma glanced at Gabe and then raced for the back door.
Lacey faced the dark knight, not sure what to say, but she knew she had to say something.
Gabe didn’t give her time to voice her feelings. “If she comes into my yard one more time, I’m nailing the gate shut.”
Lacey looked into his eyes. If she had never known or felt pain, she would know what it was by that one glance. The crevices around his eyes were permanently etched in place as if forged by fire. His eyes were hollow, dark pits, and the only emotion he showed was the anger that flared from their depths. Normally, when she saw all the angst on his face, her retorts died on her lips. The man had been hurt enough. But today she didn’t back down.
“That gate is half mine, and if you nail it shut, I will un-nail it.” She was ready for battle, but then he did his usual thing. He turned and walked away.
Chapter Two (#ulink_99fe3bfa-59fd-556c-862a-567a16c6e83a)
Gabe tuned out the woman. He had no desire to talk to her or anyone. He didn’t understand why she couldn’t respect his privacy. When Jack was alive, Gabe had had no problems. Now the kid was out of control and the woman had no idea how to handle her. Both of them had tried his patience for the last time. He would nail the gate shut without a second thought.
He opened the back door and then picked up Pepper, bed and all, and carried her inside. She was getting too weak to walk. As he placed her by the sofa he noticed she was trembling in pain. Gritting his teeth, he knew he had to give her another shot. He went into the kitchen and got the medication the vet had given him. After giving her an injection, he stroked her until she drifted into sleep.
Sinking back onto the sofa, he drew a long breath. The vet had said it was time to put Pepper down. She was in too much pain from cancer, but she had been Zack’s dog and he couldn’t bring himself to do it. He looked at all the pictures of Zack he had hung on the walls. His son was in this room. He was everywhere. And Gabe had to take care of the dog his son had loved.
He rested his head on the back of the sofa and closed his eyes. The moment he did he saw his laughing, happy son and pain pierced his heart. Pain was all he felt these days. Life meant nothing to him. He couldn’t understand how fate could be so cruel as to take a child from his parents. Gabe didn’t know right from wrong anymore, and it didn’t matter. All that mattered was that he remembered his son every moment of every day.
That was the only thing that kept him going.
* * *
THE NEXT MORNING Lacey let Emma sleep in. Last night, they hadn’t talked because Lacey was too upset. She had scolded Emma and put her to bed early.
Lacey was making breakfast when Emma trudged in and climbed onto the bar stool. Smoke spiraled from the toaster and the alarm went off, shrilling loud enough to wake the neighborhood.
“Not again.” Emma buried her face in her hands.
Lacey pulled off her sneaker and threw it at the smoke alarm. The device flew off and landed in the kitchen sink, causing the deafening sound to stop. The blackened toast popped up at the same time.
Emma looked through her fingers. “You’re gonna kill us, Lacey.”
She opened the window to let the smoke out. “I have everything under control,” she said, hoping she sounded convincing. Inside, she was shaking and wondering how a twenty-eight-year-old woman could be so hopeless in the kitchen.
She threw the burned slices of bread in the garbage and put four more in the toaster. Stupid smoke alarm wasn’t stopping her.
“You have to know when to push up the lever,” Emma told her. “Daddy knew.”
Next trip to town Lacey was buying a new toaster. She was tired of fooling with this relic. While she watched the bread, she slipped her sneaker back on. Just as the slices were starting to burn, she pushed up the lever, and then buttered the toast, added grape jelly and placed it on the plate with the scrambled eggs.
“Breakfast,” she said, sliding it in front of Emma with a smile.
Emma rolled her eyes. “Now we don’t have a smoke alarm.”
“I’ll get the ladder and put it back after breakfast. Nothing I can’t handle.”
Emma ate her breakfast and Lacey munched on a piece of toast. Nothing like starting the day with a little excitement. She hoped Gabe hadn’t heard the alarm. She had a feeling he didn’t hear much of anything besides the demons in his head.
Brushing hair from her face, Emma asked, “Are you mad at me?”
Lacey knew Emma was talking about last night. “You disobeyed me.”
Emma swallowed a mouthful of egg. “Mr. Gabe doesn’t mean it when he says for me not to come into his yard.”
“Emma, sweetie, yes, he does.”
“But I hear Pepper and I have to go.”
Lacey sighed. “Pepper is not our dog, and we have to respect Mr. Gabe’s privacy. Do you understand that?”
Emma shook her head.
Lacey was all out of options. She’d just have to watch Emma more closely. She clapped her hands to brighten the moment. “Today we get the Christmas tree. Daddy always got it the Saturday after Thanksgiving.”
“There’s no Santa Claus, Lacey!” Emma shouted. “We don’t need a Christmas tree!”
“Well, I still believe in Christmas, and I’m putting up a tree right in front of the windows in the living room.”
“I’m not looking at it.” Emma jumped off the bar stool.
“You don’t have to.” It broke Lacey’s heart that Emma was being so adamant about this. Maybe if she kept pushing, Emma would start to believe again. There was no Christmas without the magic of belief. Somehow, Lacey had to find a way to put a little more of that good stuff in their lives. “Go get dressed while I put our dishes in the dishwasher.”
Lacey managed to reattach the smoke alarm. The green light came on, so she felt sure it was working and ready for the next round.
* * *
THE CHRISTMAS TREE lot was off the square in Horseshoe. People were out and about searching for the perfect tree.
“I’m not looking,” Emma told her.
Lacey didn’t say anything. She got out of the car and walked around, inspecting the trees. Soon Emma was right beside her. It was taking a while, but Lacey was learning parenting tricks.
She picked out a seven-foot Douglas fir and had the man put a stand on it. Then he tied it on to the top of her SUV.
While they were waiting, a little girl came over and said something to Emma. To Lacey’s shock, Emma frowned and kicked at her with her sneaker. The little girl ran back to her father, who was measuring a tree.
This wasn’t the place to discipline Emma. She’d wait until they got home. Lacey didn’t know if she had the strength or the capabilities to continue to deal with this kind of behavior. But she would keep trying.
As they pulled into their driveway, Lacey saw Gabe in his front yard digging up a shrub that had died. The black knit cap he wore on his head gave him a dangerous, fierce look. He didn’t even raise his head as they got out. He just kept digging.
Before Lacey could stop her, Emma darted over to Gabe. Lacey wanted to pull out her hair. This was turning out to be the worst day ever. She ran behind Emma and caught her just before she reached the man.
“Whatcha doing?” Emma asked.
Lacey took her hand and led her back toward their house without saying a word to the man who was glaring at them.
“You disobeyed me again. Go into the house and sit on the sofa until I get there. And do not turn on the TV. Do you understand me?”
Emma nodded and stomped toward the front door. Lacey unlocked it and Emma went inside. First, Lacey had to get the tree off the SUV, and then she would deal with her sister.
She grabbed a pair of scissors and the kitchen stool. She cut the strings off the tree and tried to lift it from the SUV, but soon found she couldn’t. The stool gave her some height, but not enough for her to hoist the heavy tree. The branches scratched her face and she said a cuss word under her breath. How was she going to get the tree off the car?
* * *
GABE KEPT DIGGING, trying to ignore the crazy lady on the rickety kitchen stool. She was going to fall and break her neck, but it was none of his concern. She stood on tiptoes and tried to heave it off, but to no avail. The woman was a menace. Her smoke alarm went off regularly. He’d heard it that morning. Evidently, she couldn’t cook. The stool wobbled and she grabbed the car to keep from falling.
Do not help. Do not help.
The warning in his head was clear, and he always obeyed it because he didn’t want to interact with anyone. But even he had a breaking point. He propped the shovel against the house and walked over.
With one gloved hand he gripped the tree trunk and lifted it from the SUV.
“Oh...oh...” she stammered, almost falling off the stool again.
“Where do you want this?” he snapped.
“Uh...” She climbed off the stool and headed for the front door. “In here.”
Inside the house she pointed to the living room windows. He placed the tree in the spot.
“Hi, Mr. Gabe,” the little girl said from the sofa.
He didn’t want to engage in conversation, so he left. On his way back to his house, he cursed himself. He didn’t want to get involved, and helping the crazy lady was a sure way for that to happen. He was trying desperately to keep his privacy, and he’d probably just made a big mistake.
That suffocating feeling came over him, and he went into the house to check on Pepper. She was better this morning and had even trotted outside to do her business. The shots always helped for a while. How he wished they could last longer. Soon he’d have to make a decision, and it was tearing him up inside. He just couldn’t let go.
He wasn’t sure what he was afraid of. The vet had said it was the best thing for the dog, but how could killing something be good? If he did what the vet had suggested, it would be like letting go of Zack all over again.
Some things were just too painful to endure twice.
* * *
LACEY WAS STUNNED. The Grouch had helped. She was still trying to digest that. Maybe things would change. Maybe he would be friendlier. And maybe she would sprout wings and fly. Oh, yeah. Gabe Garrison had not changed. She had no idea why he had helped, and he probably had none, either.
She had other important matters to take care of. For the first time, she’d become aware of how Emma brightened when Gabe was around. She’d formed a connection with him and Pepper.
Their father had raised Emma. Mona had died six months after Emma’s birth. While Mona had been pregnant, the doctors had discovered cancer. Mona had refused any treatment until after the baby was born, but by then the aggressive cancer had spread. She hadn’t lasted long.
Emma was more comfortable around men, and she’d somehow transferred that need for a father figure to Gabe. That was why Emma kept saying Gabe didn’t mean what he said. Another problem. Lacey had too many to deal with. She’d tackle the most pressing first.
“Mr. Gabe brought our tree in,” Emma said, her eyes bright. It didn’t escape Lacey that Emma had said our. Maybe Lacey was winning her over.
She knelt in front of Emma, who sat on the sofa. “Why did you disobey me again? You’re not supposed to go into Gabe’s yard.”
Emma twisted her hands. “I forgot and I wanted to see what he was doing.”
“Emma...”
“Really. I forgot.”
Lacey had a feeling she was fighting a losing battle about Gabe and his privacy, so she decided to tackle another problem. “What did the little girl at the tree lot say to you?”
Emma looked down at her hands. “She said hi.”
“Then why did you kick at her?”
“’Cause I don’t like her.”
“Why? She seemed real nice and she was there with her daddy....” Lacey’s voice trailed off as something occurred to her. “You don’t like her because she has a daddy and you don’t.”
From the shattered look in Emma’s eyes, Lacey knew she was right. She wanted to stand up and do a jig. She’d gotten it right. Maybe parenting didn’t come through the birth canal. Maybe it was trial and error.
She sat next to Emma. “You have a father, and he loved you more than life itself. You do know that, don’t you?”
“But he’s not here.” The little voice wavered. “Why did my daddy have to go?”
Lacey gathered her into her arms. “I don’t know, sweetie. I wish I had an answer that would make you feel better, but I don’t. Sometimes bad things happen in life, and we have to adjust and go on. That’s what Daddy wanted for you, and you promised him you wouldn’t be sad.”
“I miss Daddy,” Emma cried.
“I do, too.” Lacey held her sister and hoped by talking she could ease some of her pain. “Close your eyes.”
“Why?”
“Just do it.”
Emma scrunched her eyes together.
“Now, can you see Daddy? Try to see him.”
“I can. I can see Daddy.”
Lacey held her tighter. “Is he smiling?”
“Yes. He’s smiling at me.” Emma’s voice grew excited.
“When you’re feeling lonely and when you think other children have a daddy and you don’t, just close your eyes and your daddy is right there. Always. And I’m right here. Always.”
Emma leaned away. “Are you mad at me?” It was Emma’s stock question when she’d done something wrong.
Lacey kissed her forehead. “No, sweetie. I’m not mad at you. But the next time that little girl says hi to you, I want you to say hi back. I do not want you kicking at anyone. Understand?”
Emma nodded.
“I’ll call Sharon and see if Jimmy can come over and play for a while.”
Emma jumped up. “Oh, boy! I’ll get my Legos out.”
And just like that the morning turned around. For the time being.
Jimmy came over. Lacey made them peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwiches for lunch, and then they returned to building stuff in the living room. As Lacey wiped the counter, she heard banging. And it was close. He wouldn’t!
She ran outside and pushed on the gate, but it wouldn’t budge. She used her body and shoved with all her might, and still the gate wouldn’t move. Damn him! She wasn’t going to let Gabe get away with this.
Back in the house, she hollered to the kids, “I’m going outside.”
“’Kay,” Emma shouted back.
Lacey went into the garage and found a hammer. Then she grabbed the kitchen stool that was still by the car and marched around to the fence between Gabe’s and their house. She stepped up on the ladder and then vaulted over. Misjudging the height, she landed on her butt. She was winded for a moment, but she still had the hammer in her hand.
Getting to her feet, she took a long breath and marched to the gate. A large board was nailed across it. She tried to pry it away with the hammer, but she wasn’t strong enough. Damn! She kicked at the gate. Frustrated, she sank to the ground with her back against it.
“What are you doing?”
She looked up into the brooding eyes of the dark knight. Every time she looked at his sad face, she wanted to apologize or try to make him feel better, like she did Emma. But sometimes there was no way to make things better.
She staggered to her feet. “I was trying to pry the board away, but you nailed it securely. I hope you’re happy.”
Gabe just stared at her, his dark eyes orbs of never-ending sadness.
“She’s a little girl and she doesn’t understand. And I don’t understand how you can be so cruel. How would you feel if someone had done this to your son?”
He turned as white as the fluffy clouds over his head, and Lacey thought he was going to pass out. Still, she wasn’t in a relenting mood.
“If it makes you happy to keep the gate closed and us out, then by all means leave it nailed up. One day you’re going to have to face the outside world and maybe even have to explain how you could hurt a six-year-old child. Your son would be so disappointed in you. Emma’s made a connection to you and Pepper, but I will do my damnedest to keep her away. So be happy, Mr. Gabe Garrison. You just secured your privacy.”
After saying that, she marched back to the fence and realized there was no way to get over it without the stool, which was on the other side.
Not willing to lose face, she stormed around his house and to the double gates on the other side. Stomping across his front yard, she realized she still had the hammer in her hand. What had she done? She’d traumatized a man who was barely hanging on emotionally.
Placing the hammer back in her father’s toolbox, she knew she had to apologize. Later, though, when she wasn’t fuming.
Gabe was so locked within himself he probably hadn’t even heard what she’d said. She’d take time to cool off and then she would try to make amends. If that was possible.
She was so tired of dealing with grief and pain that she wanted to scream. There had to be a glimmer of happiness somewhere, and she intended to find it for Emma. And for herself.
But for Gabe, happiness was in his rearview mirror. And the road ahead was strewn with heartache and pain. Hope was something he didn’t even want or desire. Inside, he was already as dead as his son.
Chapter Three (#ulink_b1fb8ca7-a237-5b74-aa9a-e0622563b1fe)
Gabe walked into his house and sat at the kitchen table, Pepper curled at his feet. The woman had some nerve. She didn’t even know Zack or him. He looked up to stare at a photo of his son.
How would you feel if someone had done this to your child?
Don’t think.
But his feelings bubbled to the surface. He would be as mad as hell. He ran his hands over his face and a tortured sigh escaped. He would have protected his son with his dying breath, except that when his son had needed him the most, Gabe hadn’t been there. He’d failed his son. He’d failed to teach him how important it was to follow rules. He’d failed to discipline him. That was all on Gabe’s shoulders. Gabe was the reason Zack was dead.
Another tortured sigh erupted from his throat.
Pepper whined and Gabe reached down to pat her. As he did, he saw his reflection in the glass on the stove. He didn’t recognize himself. He touched his bearded face. When was the last time he’d shaved? Or showered? Or had gotten a haircut? He couldn’t remember.
Your son would be so disappointed in you.
The woman was right. He recognized that somewhere in the frozen region of his mind. Zack wouldn’t approve of him giving up and living his days in regret. But what else could he do? He had no reason to live anymore, but he didn’t have the nerve to take his own life. He would never do that. It went against everything he believed in. So he continued to live in a hell of his own making.
One crazy woman was putting doubts in his head. Ignore her, he told himself. But he looked at the photo of his smiling son and knew he couldn’t continue to live like this. Zack was gone and he couldn’t hurt another child. But he could make things right.
* * *
IT TOOK LACEY about thirty minutes to calm down. Emma and Jimmy continued to play with the Legos and she made them a snack. Afterward, Emma wanted to know if they could go outside and play. Lacey hesitated, but Emma would find out soon enough about the gate. Lacey just had to be ready to explain.
She watched from the window while the kids chased each other and then played with a soccer ball, kicking it. Not once did Emma go to the gate, and Lacey was grateful for a little more time. Sharon called and Jimmy went home.
Not wanting to go to the diner again, Lacey made hot dogs and they had store-packaged pudding for dessert. She had to do better than this.
Emma took her bath and then curled up on the sofa to watch How the Grinch Stole Christmas.
Lacey couldn’t get Gabe off her mind.
“Sweetie, I’m going outside just for a minute. I’ll be right back.”
“’Kay.” Emma was already engrossed in the movie.
Lacey went through the garage and walked to Gabe’s front door. She rang the bell and waited. After a moment, he opened it.
She could only stare. He’d shaved, and his long hair was slicked back as if he’d just gotten out of the shower. He wore jeans and a black T-shirt and his feet were bare. Raw masculinity seemed to reach out and touch her. She swallowed hard.
“Did you want something?” he asked, his voice wrapping around her in a soothing sensation.
“Um...”
He lifted a dark eyebrow, and his eyes were heated with an emotion she couldn’t describe. It wasn’t anger this time. Could it be regret?
“Did you want something?” he repeated.
She cleared her throat. “Yes. I want to apologize for what I said earlier. I was completely out of line mentioning your son.”
He inclined his head, as if that was a response.
Taking a couple steps backward, she turned and walked to her house. She’d never met anyone like Gabe before. He used a bare minimum of words, and she found that odd for a man who was a lawyer—or who had been one.
Once in her garage, she took a couple of deep breaths before joining Emma to watch the rest of the movie. But the movie went right by her as thoughts of Gabe filled her head. He cleaned up better than anyone she’d ever known. He was handsome with a rugged, masculine appeal that made her pulse skitter with awareness.
She’d had a boyfriend in Austin, and they had been serious until her father had become ill and Lacey had started spending so much time in Horseshoe. Darin hadn’t been happy that she’d taken on the responsibility of Emma, and they’d drifted apart. She hadn’t heard from him in months.
Her mother also hadn’t been pleased with Lacey’s decision. But then she and her mother had never been really close. Her father had been the steadying force in her life as a child and as a teenager. Her mother had worked at Macy’s for as far back as Lacey could remember—long hours and all holidays, leaving little time for her family.
Her parents were mismatched, and Lacey had never understood how they’d gotten together. Her mother was a social person who liked to go out after work. Her father had been a homebody who had enjoyed tinkering around the house.
Jack Carroll had been a postman, and her mother always had been on his case about drive and ambition. She’d wanted him to have a desk job. She’d wanted him to have prestige. It had all come to a head after her father had declined a desk job at the post office. Her mother had told him to get out and never come back. And he had. Then she’d blamed him for leaving. Her mother was the victim, and Lacey had grown tired of hearing that story.
But she was Lacey’s mother, and Lacey loved her even though it was hard sometimes to deal with her. She had no idea how she was going to fit Christmas in with her mother, because her mother refused to be around Emma. Somehow she blamed the child for the reason Jack never came back.
Emma was sound asleep, holding her bear. Lacey wondered how anyone could blame an innocent child. And she wondered if her life would be filled with anything other than heartache. Getting up, she yawned, reached for the remote control and clicked off the TV. She lifted Emma into her arms and carried her to bed.
Tomorrow had to be a better day.
And the man next door had to be in a better mood. They’d made a start. Now Lacey waited for the next encounter.
* * *
THE NEXT MORNING Lacey was in a hurry to make the ten o’clock mass. Emma was being stubborn, not wanting to wear a dress or put a bow in her hair. But Lacey won that round. They walked through the doors of the little Catholic Church in Horseshoe just as the bell chimed.
Emma fidgeted during the service, and Lacey had to give her a couple of sharp stares to keep her still. Afterward, they came out of church to a cold winter day. In the parking lot, Lacey said hello to Angie and Hardy Hollister. She had met Angie when she’d first moved here. Angie was very nice and had wanted to help as much as she could after Jack’s death. Angie’s friend Peyton was the same. Hardy was the D.A., and Peyton’s husband, Wyatt Carson, was the sheriff.
Emma brightened when she saw Angie and Hardy’s daughter. Erin was almost twelve, but Emma considered her a friend.
Erin took Emma’s hand and they ran to say hello to Erin’s grandma and the Wiznowski family. They were a big family and owned the busiest place in town, the bakery. Lacey was still learning all of their names.
“Why does Emma look so sad?” Angie asked, her hand on her stomach. She was due at the end of March and she positively glowed.
“Brad Wilson told her there’s no Santa Claus and now she doesn’t want to have Christmas.”
“How awful.”
Hardy had his arm around his wife, and he rubbed her shoulder in a loving gesture. “Kids can be cruel.”
Erin and Emma came running back and they said goodbye. Angie bent down to Emma. “Merry Christmas.”
Emma twisted in her Mary Jane shoes and didn’t respond.
Lacey took Emma’s hand and they walked to the car. They went to the diner for lunch before heading home. Emma was very quiet. She probably was feeling lonely, just like Lacey was.
Emma plopped onto the sofa. “Can Jimmy come over to play?”
“No. He’s gone to his grandmother’s today. Change your clothes and we’ll play games or something.”
“No.” The word was spoken in an angry tone.
Lacey gave her a minute. Then she placed her hands on her hips. “Go change your clothes. Now!”
Emma jumped up and ran to her room. Lacey groaned. Another one of those days. They were due for a good one. Soon.
After slipping into jeans and a pullover top, she went to check on Emma. The little girl was lying on her bed, reading a book. She took after her mother. Mona had been a librarian.
Lacey glanced around the lavender, white and purple room she’d helped their father decorate. Emma was not a girlie girl and had not wanted a pink room. Her father had bought all kinds of Barbies and a Barbie doll house and numerous other Barbie toys, but Emma barely touched them. She liked the outdoors and would rather play with a ball instead of a doll. But she did love stuffed animals, and they littered the comforter on her white four-poster bed.
Lacey sat beside her sister. “What are you reading?”
Emma closed A Light in the Attic and scooted up. “Why don’t I have a grandma?”
Oh, that was the reason for the sulkiness. “You did have a grandma. Two, actually. Dad’s mom’s name was Martha and your mom’s was Ruth. Grandma Martha died when I was fifteen. She would’ve loved you.”
“She would?”
“You bet. She gave big hugs and made everyone feel loved. I always looked forward to staying with her during the summer.”
“What about my other grandma?”
Lacey took a breath, hating to talk about so many deaths. But she had to be honest. “She died, too, sweetie. I never met her. She was a librarian like your mother.”
Emma stared down at her sneakers. “Why does everybody have to die?”
Lacey frantically opened the book in her head and searched for answers. As always, none was suitable. She had to go with her gut feeling. “That’s life, sweetie, and as you get older you’ll understand more.” That sounded lame even to her own ears. She was terrible at this. Hugging Emma, she said, “You know what? You can call me Lacey or you can call me Grandma. I can be both.”
Emma giggled. With a hand over her mouth, she said, “You’re weird, Lacey.”
“How about if we walk to the park and play on the big slide and swing set?”
“’Kay.” Emma jumped off the bed. “They have a really big slide. It makes my stomach feel funny and it’s fun.”
“Let’s get our coats and go, then.”
Emma grabbed her coat from a chair. As Lacey went to her room to get hers, the buzz of her cell phone stopped her.
“Just a minute, Emma. I have to answer my phone.”
It was her mother. Lacey sank onto the bed, ready for another round of complaints. “Hi, Mom.”
Her mother wasted no time getting started. “Since you couldn’t spend Thanksgiving with me, I was hoping we could spend Christmas together.”
Lacey closed her eyes and counted to three. “Mom, you know I can’t leave Emma at Christmas.”
“What about me? Your own mother? You have no time for me anymore. I don’t know what Jack was thinking when he asked you to take care of that child. You’re a young woman and should have your own life.”
They had been through this so many times, and Lacey had grown weary of the subject. “It was my choice. Mona’s sister offered to take Emma, but she has four children of her own. If Emma was taken from the home she’d shared with Dad, I knew it would be detrimental for her. I love my sister and I couldn’t put her through that. I’m here and I intend to stay here. I will work something out for Christmas.”
“Like what?”
“If you would just accept Emma, you could come to Horseshoe.”
“I’m not stepping foot in the house your father shared with that woman.”
Lacey wanted to beat her head against something. “He shared this house with his wife.”
“I’ll never forgive you for accepting her.”
“Mom, have you been drinking or something? You’re not making any sense. You’re the one who told dad to leave. You’re the one who remarried three months later. I don’t know why you feel like the victim.”
“Jack would have come back if it hadn’t been for her.”
“You’d married someone else. Are you forgetting that?”
“I only did it to get back at him. That’s why the marriage didn’t last.”
“Mom, I’m not going through all this again. Mona and Emma made Dad very happy.”
After a long pause, Joyce said, “Maybe I am being a little irrational, but I loved your father and I never meant for him to stay away. It just turned out that way.”
Finally, her mother was admitting the truth. “I know you loved him, but you were miserable the last years of your marriage.”
“Lacey,” a little voice call from the hallway. “Are we going to the park?”
“In a minute, sweetie. I’ll be right there,” she called back. “Mom, I really have to go.”
“Am I going to see you at all this Christmas?”
“What about Mervin?” That was her mom’s new boyfriend.
“He’ll want to spend time with his kids, and I don’t get along with them.”
No surprise there. Her mother enjoyed being the center of attention. “Call me when you have a day off and I’ll come for a visit.”
“I work a lot during the holidays.”
Same old line. Same old verse. “Please think about coming here for Christmas. Once you meet Emma, you’ll love her. She had nothing to do with your marriage or your divorce. She’s just an innocent little girl.”
“I’ll talk to you later,” her mother said, and clicked off.
Lacey sat for a moment and wished her mother would come to grips with the past and her part in it. But maybe some things just were not doable. Or realistic, considering the way her mother felt.
Now Lacey had a little girl who was eager to go to the park. She reached for her jacket and hurried to the kitchen. But Emma wasn’t there and she wasn’t in the living room. Or anywhere in the house.
No! No! No!
Lacey ran out the back door and stopped short. The gate was open. Gabe had removed the board? She walked slowly to the opening and could see Emma sitting on a lawn chair, huddled in her red-and-black coat. Gabe sat next to her in a black hoodie and jeans. They were staring at Pepper in her bed. Neither was speaking. There was complete silence.
What were they doing?
Gabe didn’t seem upset that Emma was there. Lacey’s first instinct was to go over and make Emma come back to their house. But something stopped her.
A plane flew overhead. A car honked and the wind rustled through the leaves of the tall oaks. Other than that, the two of them sat there in perfect harmony. Perfect silence. Lacey couldn’t bring herself to interrupt.
Suddenly, Emma said, “Pepper is sick. When I was sick, my daddy took me to the doctor. You have to take Pepper to the doctor.”
Gabe didn’t answer or look at Emma. His eyes were on the dog.
“My daddy died, so he can’t take me anymore. Lacey does. Daddy’s in heaven and Lacey says he can see me. But I can’t see him. I miss my daddy.” Emma wiped at her eyes and Lacey wanted to run over, but again she didn’t. “Do you miss your son?”
Lacey’s heart sank at the question. She should get Emma before she caused Gabe any more pain. But for some reason she couldn’t explain, she stood there, holding her breath, waiting for Gabe to answer.
Chapter Four (#ulink_ccd79624-b829-5a35-b200-d28860127ffb)
Gabe’s throat locked tight. He couldn’t push a sound through. Nor could he breathe. His body stiffened in protest, needing oxygen. Just when he thought the pain would get him, Pepper saved him. She whimpered, and the child jumped from her chair and went to the dog.
The little girl stroked Pepper and Gabe wanted to scream, Don’t touch her. She’s Zack’s dog. Get away from her. But the words wouldn’t come. In that moment he realized just how insane his thoughts were, and the lock on his throat lessened. He breathed in deeply, his lungs expanding from the much needed relief.
“Pepper is sick, Mr. Gabe,” the kid said.
He knew that. He wanted to tell her it was none of her business and that she should go home. But once again the words wouldn’t come. Maybe because Pepper had lifted her head and licked the child’s hand. Pepper liked the kid. He’d never noticed that before. He hadn’t noticed many things beyond the pain in his chest.
“She’s shaking. I think she’s cold.” The kid noticed the blanket by the basket and gently tucked it around Pepper.
It was getting colder. He should take Pepper inside, but whenever he did, she whined to go out. He was just giving her a little more time.
The kid stood up. “I gotta go. Lacey’s probably looking for me. She doesn’t like it when I come over here. But you don’t mind, do you?”
Yes, I mind. Please, just leave me alone.
“Lacey and me have the same father. We’re sisters. Her mama lives in Austin and I’ve never met her. Do you have a sister?”
Yes. He should call Kate and let her know he was...what? Still living with the pain. She wouldn’t want to hear that, so it was best to wait a little longer.
“I gotta go. Don’t forget to take Pepper to the doctor. He’ll make her all better. ’Bye.”
Not this time.
The child ran to the gate. Gabe got up and squatted next to Pepper.
“You like the kid, don’t you?”
Pepper nuzzled his hand in approval.
But she’s not Zack. She’s not Zack.
* * *
LACEY HURRIED INTO the house and was standing just inside the back door as Emma came through it.
“Oh,” Emma said, startled.
Lacey folded her arms across her chest. “You’ve been over at Gabe’s.”
She would have to discipline Emma, even though it would hurt Lacey more than it did her sister. She’d let her disobey too many times, though. Gabe hadn’t seemed to mind Emma being there, but Emma had done all of the talking. Gabe hadn’t responded once. And Emma needed to know that she had to mind and respect other people’s wishes.
“Uh...” Emma twisted her hands. “You were on the phone and I heard Pepper.”
“You can’t hear the dog from inside the house.”
“Yes, I...”
“No.” Lacey pointed a finger at Emma. “You’ve disobeyed me twice today, and now I have to punish you.”
“No, Lacey, no. Don’t punish me.” Emma barreled into Lacey, wrapping her arms around Lacey’s waist, and burying her face in Lacey’s stomach. “I’m sorry. I won’t do it again.”
Lacey swallowed, trying to be strong. “You say that all the time and you still disobey me. Go to your room and sit in the time-out chair.”
“No. I don’t want to.”
Lacey pointed toward the hall. “Go.”
“No. I’ll be good!” Emma wailed.
Lacey took Emma’s hand and led her down the hall to her bedroom. Emma sobbed loudly the whole time and Lacey’s strength waned. She pulled out Emma’s desk chair and placed it in a corner.
“Take off your coat and sit and think about what you did.”
“No, Lacey,” Emma cried as she removed her coat and sat in the chair.
“I’ll come back in about thirty minutes and we’ll talk.” It took all of Lacey’s strength to walk out the door. Emma’s wails followed her.
“Lacey!” Emma screamed.
She sat at the kitchen table and buried her face in her hands. How did parents do this? It was pure torture, but she had to start setting boundaries for Emma. She just never dreamed how hard it would be.
“Lacey,” Emma kept calling.
The sobs and calling suddenly stopped, and Lacey glanced up, waiting for Emma to walk into the kitchen. But she didn’t. Lacey didn’t know what she would do if Emma disobeyed her now. Her luck held, and the house grew quiet. After fifteen minutes, Lacey could stand it no longer. She slowly made her way to Emma’s room.
Her sister was still in the chair, her head bent as if she was studying her sneakers. She looked up when Lacey entered.
“Can I get up now?”
Lacey sat on the bed and patted the spot next to her. “Let’s talk.”
Emma climbed up beside her, her eyes still watery, and Lacey felt a catch in her throat. She hated this part.
“Do you know what you did wrong?”
Emma nodded. “But Mr. Gabe doesn’t mind me coming over. We talked.”
Lacey didn’t want to remind her sister that she had done all the talking. “That’s not the point. I asked you not to go over to Gabe’s.”
“But...”
“Emma, sweetie, Dad put me in charge of you and your welfare, and your well-being is my top priority. When you continue to disobey me, I feel as if I have failed in my promise.”
“No, Lacey.” Emma leaned into her, her face against Lacey’s arm. “I love you.”
Lacey wrapped her arms around her sister. “I know you do. And I love you. That’s the reason I’m here.”
“I didn’t mean to disobey. You were on the phone and I went outside and heard Pepper and Mr. Gabe. I wanted to see what they were doing. I forgot, Lacey. I forgot what you said. I didn’t do it on purpose. I’m sorry.”
Lacey hugged Emma tightly. “We’re going to make new rules. From now on, when you hear Pepper I want you to come to me and tell me, and then we’ll decide if you can go over and visit the dog. That’s the way it’s going to be, Emma. Do you understand?”
Emma nodded and looked up at Lacey. “Pepper is sick and Mr. Gabe’s gonna take her to the doctor. Can we go see Pepper tomorrow?”
“I’ll go over and ask Gabe, but we have to respect his wishes.”
“’Kay.”
“Get your crayons and pencils and drawing stuff out, and I’ll go over and talk to Gabe.”
Emma jumped off the bed. “I’ll draw a picture of Pepper. Are we going to the park later?”
“No. That’s part of your punishment. I’m not rewarding you with fun time.”
“Oh.” Lacey expected more tears, but Emma acquiesced easily, which Lacey was more than grateful for. She was holding on by a thread with her parenting skills.
“I’ll be back in a few minutes.”
Emma was busy pulling things out of a drawer as Lacey walked out. Lacey had to apologize to Gabe one more time and see exactly how he felt about Emma invading his privacy. And she had to thank him for removing the board.
* * *
GABE PLANNED TO give Pepper a few more minutes and then he would take her inside. He wasn’t sure when he realized someone was standing there, but he felt a strong presence and turned his head. It was the crazy lady. Now what?
She stepped onto his deck. “I’m sorry Emma came over here and disturbed you.”
He frowned. “Who’s Emma?”
She blinked, as if she was caught in the headlights of something disturbing. “She’s...my sister. The little girl who is always coming into your yard. Against your wishes.”
“Oh.” He was losing his mind, and he hated that she was reminding him how out of touch he was.
She motioned toward the gate. “Thanks for removing the board.”
“Yeah. I shouldn’t have done that.”
What did she want? Couldn’t she see he was having trouble making conversation?
Pepper whimpered, and she went to the dog and squatted next to her. “Is Pepper sick?”
Go away, he screamed inside his head. But then he heard words coming out of his mouth. “She has cancer.”
“Oh. I’m sorry.” She patted the dog and seemed generally concerned. But his perception was way off. “Is there any help for her?”
He rubbed his hands together, not wanting to talk, but once again words erupted from his throat. “No. The vet said it’s time to put her to sleep. But she was my son’s dog and I can’t do that.”
She continued to pat the dog. “She’s trembling in pain. You have to do something. You can’t just leave her like this.”
“She’s the last thing I have of my son. If she goes, I...”
She got up and knelt in front of him. He looked into green eyes as bright and shining as anything he’d ever seen. Was that a tear he glimpsed?
“She’s not the last thing you have of your son.” She placed a hand over her heart. “In here you have many memories that no one and nothing can take from you, not Pepper’s death or anything on this earth. That love, that feeling, will always be with you.”
His gaze narrowed on her face and he saw her for the first time, really saw her. Her hair was blond, a beautiful natural color, and it was short, kind of kicked up at the back and curled around her face. It gave her a young Meg Ryan appeal.... He had no idea where that thought came from.
“I’m sorry, I don’t know your name. I’m a little out of touch.”
“It’s Lacey.”
A pretty name for a pretty woman. He shook his head. “You don’t understand.”
“I do. I lost my father. The one and only safety net I had in my life, and suddenly all that security was gone. It’s been hard holding it together for Emma. I know your situation is different, but you can’t continue to let this dog suffer. Do the humane thing like the vet suggested.”
“I’ve been trying to do that, but something always stops me.”
“I will go with you if that will help.”
He looked at her again. He was a man and strong enough to handle anything. He’d dealt with his son’s death. Why was he so frightened of what would happen to him once Pepper was gone? Suddenly he saw a lifeline in her eyes. That was the way he saw it, and he took it, because it was the only thing he had at the moment.
“Thank you. I...I would appreciate that.”
She went back to Pepper. “Do you have anything to give her for pain?”
“The vet gave me some injections. I only have one left.”
Lacey sat next to the dog and stroked her. “She really needs something.”
He stood and walked into the house, knowing once he gave Pepper the injection, he would have to take her to the vet. It was time.
The woman was still there when he came back. She watched as he gave Pepper the injection. The dog drifted into sleep.
“When do you want to take her in?”
“The medication lasts a little over twenty-four hours. Probably tomorrow or when the vet has an opening.” He made the decision and he wasn’t panicking, because this woman, this crazy woman as he’d called her, had reached out a hand when he’d desperately needed it.
“Do you mind if Emma says goodbye to Pepper? She’s very fond of her, and I don’t know how she’s going to take this.”
He ran a hand through his hair. “Do whatever you feel is best.”
“Thanks. You’re doing the right thing. I’ll...I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”
Was he doing the right thing? Then why did he feel as if he was in a deep dark hole without any chance for survival?
As she left, he wondered what had just happened. He’d talked so much in the past few minutes that his throat burned. And he realized how much he missed talking. How he missed a lot of things. Maybe there was a light at the end of his long dark tunnel. A green light.
* * *
LACEY STOOD ON her patio and took a deep breath. She needed it to calm her emotions before she went into the house. Gabe’s pain touched her heart. She feared this might be the last straw for him. But she would do everything she could to help him. She was just glad he was in a receptive mood, because he didn’t need to go through this alone.
She knew about loneliness, death, suffering and the unimaginable pain that went along with them. Maybe they could find solace together. She was still reeling from him talking to her. He had a deep, strong voice, and she could picture him in a courtroom. There wasn’t much on this earth he couldn’t handle, she imagined, except the death of his son.
Shivering, she wrapped her arms around her waist. Soon there had to be some relief for Gabe. He couldn’t continue to live the way he had been, and the fact that he’d actually confided in her gave her hope. She wiped away an errant tear.
Now she had another problem. How was she going to tell Emma about Pepper? Once again, death was going to derail them for a short time. It was too much, though. Too much for a six-year-old girl to handle. Too much for a twenty-eight-year-old woman to handle. And definitely too much for the man next door to handle.
She opened the door and went inside. Emma sat at the table, drawing.
Emma lifted her head. “Look. I drew a picture of Pepper.”
Lacey removed her jacket and stared at the black dog on the paper with the blue sky, green grass and tall trees. A happy scene.
How was she going to tell Emma?
“Very nice.”
“Did you talk to Mr. Gabe?”
“Yes, and—”
The doorbell rang, interrupting her. She hurried to answer it, glad for the reprieve. Bradley Wilson and his son Brad stood on the doorstep.
“Hi, Lacey,” Bradley said. “My son has something to say to Emma.”
Emma ran into the room. Lacey caught her before she could do anything stupid. “Brad has come to see you.”
“I don’t want to see him,” Emma replied. “I want to hit him.”
Bradley poked his son.
“Emma, I’m sorry I ruined your Christmas,” Brad said, as if he’d memorized the words or as if someone had quoted them to him.
Emma glared at him and Lacey bent and whispered in her ear, “Say thank-you for the apology.”
Now Emma glared at her. Lacey lifted an eyebrow and Emma repeated the words. At the end she tacked on, “I still want to hit you.”
“Don’t worry, Emma,” Bradley said. “Brad has asked Santa for an Xbox, and since he believes there is no Santa and has told this to other children, he won’t be getting an Xbox.”
“Dad!” Brad wailed.
Bradley looked at Lacey. “I’m really sorry about this.”
“Thank you, and thanks for the apology.”
They walked off, and Lacey and Emma went into the living room. “That was nice of Brad.”
“He’s a big baby.”
“Emma...”
“It’s true, Lacey. He’s crying like a baby ’cause he’s not gonna get an Xbox.”
Lacey sat on the sofa, flipping through the imaginary book in her head. “Let’s talk about belief.”
Emma hopped up beside her. “Why?”
“Because belief can be a powerful thing. If you believe strong enough, long enough, wonderful things can happen.”
“Like maybe there really is a Santa.”
Lacey tucked a stray curl behind Emma’s ear. “Could be. All you have to do is believe.”
“You’re getting really weird, Lacey.”
Lacey kissed the tip of Emma’s nose. “Just believe, that’s all you have to do.”
“I’ll try. But I know the truth and I can’t forget it.”
Lacey pulled Emma onto her lap, knowing they had to talk about something much more important. She had to tell Emma about Pepper.
Chapter Five (#ulink_6b51d5fb-addb-5674-91be-2f3d2ae18d53)
“Sweetie—”
“Are you mad at me, Lacey?” Emma interrupted, resting the side of her face against Lacey’s chest.
“No, I’m not mad at you.”
“But you punished me.”
That obviously stung a little. “Why did I do that?”
Emma played with the watch on Lacey’s wrist. “’Cause...’cause I disobeyed.”
“Yes, you did. But we talked about it and you’re not going to do that again, right?”
“Mmm-hmm.”
It was just too difficult to punish Emma, especially at this grieving time in their lives. Maybe she would get better as the years rolled on. Even though Lacey knew she had to be the adult and set rules and boundaries, she would rather that she and Emma be friends instead of Lacey being the stern disciplinarian.
“Lacey, Pepper is really sick,” Emma said, and it brought Lacey back to the present problem.
“Yes, she is.”
“But Mr. Gabe is going to take her to the doctor and the doctor will make her all better.”
Lacey tightened her arms around Emma. “I talked to Gabe, and Pepper is not going to get better.”
Emma looked up at her. “Why not?”
Lacey swallowed and glanced toward the ceiling. I could use a little help here.
“Why, Lacey?”
“Because like you said, Pepper is really sick. She...she has cancer.”
Emma’s eyes rounded. “Like Daddy had?”
Their father had died of prostate cancer, which he had let go on too long. Taking care of Mona and Emma, he’d neglected his own health. The doctors had operated, but it had been too late. The cancer had spread.
“There are all kinds of cancer. I’m not sure what kind Pepper has, but it’s bad.”
“Is she going to die?”
The book in Lacey’s head was closed, and there wasn’t any reason to flip through it, because there was no answer. She’d read so many books about death and grief, and she still didn’t have the answer or the words to make the pain better. The person just had to deal with it. That was the really hard part, especially for a child.
She looked into Emma’s troubled green eyes. “Yes, Pepper is going to die.”
“No.” Emma buried her face in Lacey’s chest and cried. All Lacey could do was hold her and pray for the right words. Loud sobs racked Emma’s little body, and Lacey’s eyes filled with tears as she waited for the cries to subside.
She rubbed Emma’s back. “Pepper is in a lot of pain.”
Emma raised her head, wiping away tears. “I know. She shakes.”
Lacey drew in a deep breath. “Gabe is going to take her to a doctor, but he won’t be bringing her back.”
Emma’s eyes rounded even more. “Is the doctor going to put her to sleep?”
Lacey was startled at the question. She’d had no idea Emma knew about such things. “How did you know that?”
“Last year, Jimmy’s cousin’s dog had to be put to sleep. He was real sick, too. Jimmy said the doctor took away his pain and now he’s in heaven.”
Thank you. She glanced briefly toward the ceiling.
“That’s what the vet is going to do for Pepper.”
“Then he’ll go to heaven and be with Zack?”
Lacey squeezed her sister, amazed at her insight. “Yes, sweetie. Pepper will go and be with Zack now.”
“I have to say goodbye.” Emma began to scramble from her lap, but Lacey caught her.
“Not today. Gabe is taking this really bad, so we have to let him have his privacy. Please understand that, Emma.”
Emma twisted her hands. “But...”
“You have school tomorrow, and when you get home you can spend time with Pepper and say goodbye. Gabe said you could.”
“’Kay.” Emma leaned against her and Lacey just held her as they both came to grips with the situation.
They ate dinner in silence, and then Lacey got Emma’s clothes and backpack ready for school the following day. Then they settled in to watch some TV, but Lacey’s thoughts were with the man next door. He really didn’t need to be alone. If she went over there, she felt sure her visit would be met with a big scowl. She would take baby steps with Gabe. In the days ahead she would make sure he wasn’t alone.
* * *
THE NEXT MORNING on the way to school Emma said, “Don’t be late today.”
“I’m never late,” Lacey replied as she pulled into the parking lot of the Horseshoe school. Since the town was small, grades one through twelve were housed in one big building shaped like a horseshoe. There were portable buildings to the side for pre-K and kindergarten. A gym and cafeteria were situated at the end of the horseshoe. The metal buildings with the half-brick front had been there for years. Green shrubs enhanced the front. In the spring, colorful flowers would be blooming in the flowerbeds, planted by the agriculture teacher, Mr. Schuldt.
Kids ran to the front door so they could make it to their classrooms before the bell rang. Emma climbed out and so did Lacey.
“Be good today and be nice to your playmates.” She kissed her sister.
Emma fidgeted.
“Everything will be fine. I’ll be here early if that will make you feel better.”
“’Kay. Love you.” Emma followed the children into the school, her black-and-purple backpack flopping on her back.
Lacey got in the car and drove home, hoping Emma wouldn’t dwell on Pepper too much today. She seemed to be okay with what was happening, and Lacey wanted it to stay that way.
As she pulled into her driveway, she noticed everything was quiet at Gabe’s. No banging or sounds anywhere, which was unusual. He was usually outside by now working on something.
She made her way into her house, put her purse on the table and walked over to his deck. He wasn’t there. She knocked and got no answer. Everything was quiet inside. Where was he?
She went back to her house and across the yard to his front door. Again, she got no answer. She knew she was trespassing, but she didn’t care. Her only thought was of Gabe and his mental state. Without thinking it to death, she opened the double gates by the garage. That was when she heard the sound. A saw or a drill. She didn’t know which, but Gabe was working in his garage.
When she tried the garage’s side door, it opened easily and the sound was much louder. She stepped inside and saw Gabe working on a large box. Was that a coffin? Yes, there was no mistaking it. He’d made a coffin for Pepper. Her chest ached at the sadness of it all.
He turned off the sander and set it on the floor. As he did, he noticed her. She expected him to be startled or surprised, but he was neither. He just went back to working on the box.
Walking closer, she said, “I knocked, but you didn’t answer.”
He rubbed the plywood with a rag. “Did you want something?”
She curled her hands into fists. He was acting as if they hadn’t talked yesterday, as if they hadn’t shared something special, as if he wanted her out of his garage. That wasn’t happening. He was putting up every defense he could to keep her away so he could keep feeling the pain. That wasn’t happening, either.
“You’ve made a coffin for Pepper.”
“Yes. I’m not just going to throw her in the ground.”
The whole attitude thing had resurfaced, but she was good at kicking attitude.
“Did you call the vet?”
“Uh...”
She held up a hand. “Please, let’s not go back to the old animosity. Did you call the vet?”
He stopped rubbing the wood. “I was feeling down last night, but today I have everything under control.”
“Yeah, I can see that.” She glanced at his appearance. He had on the same clothes as yesterday and he hadn’t shaved. “Have you been to bed at all?”
He went back to fiddling with the wood. “I don’t sleep much.”
“Because that’s when you dream.”
He stared at her. “You don’t know anything about me.”
“I don’t have to. I know you’re barely hanging on emotionally, and you don’t sleep because that’s when you dream about your son. I’ve been there and I’m still there, and I’m still trying to cope. And I have to because I have a little girl who needs me.”
“Well, I don’t have anyone, so would you please leave me alone?”
She stepped closer to him. “No, sorry. I can’t do that. I promised you I would be here to help you with Pepper.”
Their eyes locked. His eyes were cold and dark, emitting a message that she received all too well, but it still didn’t deter her.
“I relieve you of that promise.”
She shook her head. “I’m not going anywhere.”
“This is my house, and I’m asking you to leave.” Anger flashed in his eyes. Her first instinct was to turn and walk away and let him live in all the pain he had created. But something beyond her control made her lay her hand on the box.
“This is really nice. Zack would be very proud of his father.”
Gabe froze, just as she had expected. She’d said Zack’s name on purpose, because it was the only thing that caught his attention.
“Are you dense? Get out of my garage.”
A tremor ran through her, and she knew she couldn’t continue to be stronger than she was. It was taking everything she had to stand her ground. She didn’t know what would have happened next if Pepper hadn’t come into the garage.
“Oh, Pepper is better.” She went to the dog and stroked her.
Gabe glared at Lacey and she continued to pet the dog.
“The medication helps,” he said so low that she barely caught it.
“Did you call the vet?” she asked one more time.
“Yes. And he said he will come to the house in the morning at ten and do the procedure here.”
“That would be much better and less stressful on Pepper. And you.”
“I’m not worried about me,” he snapped.
“I’m well aware of that.”
Pepper whimpered.
Lacey hugged her. “Are you in pain, girl?”
“She wants to go outside.” He wiped his hands on a rag. “Come on, Pep. We’ll go outside.” Gabe walked past Lacey through a door into a utility room. Pepper trailed behind, but she wobbled. It was clear she was very weak.
Lacey had the choice either to walk out the garage door and retreat to her house or to follow them. She did the latter. In the kitchen, Pepper’s strength gave way and she sank to the floor. Gabe picked her up as if she weighed no more than a feather and carried her out the back door.
Lacey was dumbstruck by the scene before her. The kitchen had a table and one chair. The counters were bare; nothing was on them. It looked as if no one lived there, except for the dog dishes on the floor. She gasped as she saw the wall.
Photos of a brown-haired little boy covered it, from the day he was born until the day he’d died. Zack in a crib, crawling, walking and holding on to Gabe’s fingers, on a tricycle, then a bicycle, a skateboard and doing numerous other activities. Zack’s life was on this wall.
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