A Soldier's Redemption
Rachel Lee
When her husband's murder forces Cory Farland into the Witness Protection Program, she has to make a fresh start in a brand-new place. In Conard County, she has no past.Until former Navy captain Wade Kendrick moves in. The enigmatic ex-SEAL reawakens passion. . . and dares Cory to dream of a future. He can't run forever. . . Wade didn't come to the Wyoming small town to play bodyguard. But Cory needs a boarder and he needs a place to decompress. And now the guarded widow is arousing something that goes deeper than his protective instincts. With Cory's life under the gun, there isn't anything Wade won't do to keep her safe and claim the love that could redeem them both. . . .
A Soldier’s
Redemption
Rachel Lee
www.millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk)
Table of Contents
Cover (#u749e45a1-65eb-5042-947f-c9322b7ece0e)
Title Page (#u2a5e3505-7810-5ba0-8cc3-20b56006e489)
About the Author (#ulink_2e5f7cd2-4400-5804-9089-0ecc908cdad3)
Dedication (#u6e2dc62d-2b7d-5b90-9259-28ca13a57b14)
Chapter One (#ulink_5c6da312-bba2-59f9-8b91-1e27b1bfff19)
Chapter Two (#ulink_65eece3b-1331-500b-9ddf-f566189cb496)
Chapter Three (#ulink_e9d37f1e-2d85-5684-ad26-7b1003acb1ce)
Chapter Four (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Five (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Six (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Seven (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Eight (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Nine (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Ten (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Eleven (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Twelve (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Thirteen (#litres_trial_promo)
Copyright (#litres_trial_promo)
About the Author (#ulink_fd187139-4cf6-5e76-9214-e096a877f106)
RACHEL LEE was hooked on writing by the age of twelve, and practiced her craft as she moved from place to place all over the United States. This New York Times bestselling author now resides in Florida and has the joy of writing full time.
Her bestselling Conard County series (see www.conardcounty.com) has won the hearts of readers worldwide, and it’s no wonder, given her own approach to life and love. As she says, “Life is the biggest romantic adventure of all—and if you’re open and aware, the most marvelous things are just waiting to be discovered.”
For my dad, who taught me that a person is measured
by their dedication to honour, duty and loyalty.
You lived those values, Dad. And they live on in me.
Chapter 1 (#ulink_263bcade-7c70-52ea-86ee-dc36865a511f)
The knock on the door, as always, caused Corinne Farland’s heart to skip a beat. Some lessons, once learned, could never be unlearned.
But after a year in Conard County, she found it a little easier to go to the front of the house. As always, she twitched the curtain aside at the front window by the door and looked out. She recognized Gage Dalton instantly, with his scarred face and his sheriff’s uniform. Gage was her main protector these days.
She hurried to disengage the alarm system, then opened the door and smiled, an expression that sometimes still felt awkward on her face. “Hi, Gage.”
He smiled back, a crooked expression as the burn scar on one side of his face caused one side of his mouth to hitch oddly. “Hi, Cory. Got a minute?”
“For you, always.” She let him in and asked if he’d like some coffee.
“I’m coffeed out,” he said, still smiling. “Too many cups of Velma’s brew and my stomach starts reminding me I’m mortal.” Velma was the dispatcher at the sheriff’s office, a woman of indeterminate age who made coffee so strong few people could finish a single cup. The deputies, however, sucked it down by the pot.
She invited him into her small living room, and he perched on the edge of her battered recliner, his tan Stetson in his hands.
“How are things?” he asked.
“Okay.” Not entirely true, maybe never true again, but the bleak desert of her heart and soul were not things she trotted out. Not for anyone.
“Emma mentioned something to me.” Emma was his wife, the county librarian, a woman Cory admired and liked. “She said you were a bit tight financially.”
Cory felt her cheeks heat. “That wasn’t for distribution.”
Gage smiled. “Husband-and-wife privilege. It doesn’t go any further, okay?”
She tried to smile back and hoped she succeeded. Things were indeed tight. Her salary as a grocery-store clerk had been tight from the beginning, but now because times were hard, they’d asked everyone to take a cut in hours. Her cut had pushed her to the brink, where canned soup often became her only meal of the day.
Gage shook his head. “I’ll never in a million years understand how they work this witness protection program.”
Cory bit her lip. She didn’t like to discuss that part, the part where her husband, a federal prosecutor, had become the target of a drug gang he was going after. The part where a man had burst into her house one night and killed him. The part where the feds had said that for her own protection she had to change her identity and move far away from everything and everyone she knew and loved.
“They do the best they can,” she said finally.
“Not enough. It’s not enough to buy you a house, give you a few bucks, get you a job and then leave you to manage. Not after what you’ve been through.”
“There was some insurance.” Almost gone now, though, and she was clinging to the remains in case of an emergency. She’d already had a few of those with this house they’d given her, and it had eaten into what little she had. “And they did do more for me than most.” Like a minor plastic surgery to change her nose, which caused an amazing transformation to her face, and the high-tech alarm system that protected her day and night.
“Well,” he said, “I’d like to make a suggestion.”
“Yes?”
“A friend of a friend just arrived in town. He’s looking for a place to stay awhile that’s not a motel, but he’s not ready to rent an apartment. Do you think you could consider taking a roomer? You don’t have to feed him, just give him your extra bedroom.”
She thought about that. There was a bedroom upstairs, untouched and unused. It had a single bed, a dresser and a chair, here when she had moved in. Her own bedroom was downstairs, so she wouldn’t have this guy next door to her at all times.
But there were other things, darker fears. “Gage …”
“I know. It’s hard to trust after where you’ve been. But I checked him out. Twenty years in the navy, all documented. Enough medals to paper a wall. You’ve met Nate Tate, haven’t you?”
“Of course.” She’d met the former sheriff. He might have retired, but apparently he still made it his job to know everyone in the county. She’d even had dinner with him and his wife a few times at their house. “Of course.”
“Well, this guy is a friend of his son’s. I don’t know if you’ve met Seth Hardin.”
She shook her head.
“Well, that’s a story for another day. But Seth is a good sort, and he suggested this guy come here for a while to decompress.”
“Decompress?” She didn’t know if she liked the sound of that. “I don’t know …”
“I’m not asking you to babysit.” Gage smiled again. “This guy is quite capable of looking after himself. He just needs some time away. A change of scene. And he’s not a talker. I doubt you’ll know he’s in the house most of the time.”
“I’ll think about it.” But she had to admit, she trusted Gage, and she needed the money.
“How about I bring him inside and introduce you?”
Fear jammed into her throat. Every new person represented risk. Every single one. Hiding had become her raison d’être, and each time she had to meet someone new, the experience resurrected old fears.
“Let me get him,” Gage said before she could argue. “He’s in my car.”
She wanted to scream for him not to do this, but she sat frozen, her fingers instinctively going to her side where the scar from the bullet still sometimes hurt. Where was her will? Her ability to say no? She seemed to have lost that on one dark night a year ago. Ever since, she had moved through her days like an automaton. Doing what was expected, pretending she cared. The truth was that the only thing she ever really felt anymore was fear. And grief. Sometimes fury.
She heard Gage limp back onto the porch, and with him came a considerably heavier tread. She rose, an instinct these days, not out of courtesy, but out of a need to be able to flee if necessary.
First she saw Gage, but forgot him instantly as she looked at one of the biggest men she had ever seen. He must have been at least five inches over six feet, and even wrapped in a chambray shirt and jeans, he looked to be built out of concrete. Powerful. Strong. Overwhelming.
Scariest of all was the absolute lack of expression on his face. It was a hard face and appeared as if it would yield to nothing at all. His eyes were as black as chips of obsidian, and so was his short hair. She couldn’t begin to guess a thing about him, not even his age.
Inside she quailed, helplessly, feeling like a mouse staring down a hawk.
But then he spoke, in a voice as deep as the rumble of thunder. “Ms. Farland. I’m Wade Kendrick.” He didn’t offer his hand.
The words sounded reluctant. As if he were no happier about putting her out than she was about taking this risk.
And his reluctance somehow eased her fear. “Hi,” she said. “Have a seat.”
He looked around as if deciding which chair might hold him. He finally took one end of the sofa. Cory sat on the Boston rocker, and Gage eased into the recliner again. The sheriff clearly suffered constant pain, but he never spoke of it.
“Okay,” Gage said, since no one else seemed to be willing to talk. “Wade here needs a room indefinitely. Don’t know how long, which is why he can’t rent an apartment just yet. He’s willing to pay monthly for a room. No food.”
“I’ll eat out,” Wade said. “I don’t want to get underfoot.”
She appreciated that at the same time she wondered at it. He didn’t look like a man who gave a damn about such things. “It’s not … much of a room,” she said hesitantly.
“I don’t need much.”
Nor did he volunteer much. Of course, she wasn’t volunteering anything, either.
“I guess, if you think it’s worth it,” she finally said. “I’ve never done this before.”
“Ma’am, it’s worth it to have a place to lay my head.”
She needed the money, and she trusted Gage. Battering down the fear that never entirely left her, not even in her dreams, she said, “Go take a look at the room. It’s upstairs. There’s a bath up there, too, and it’ll be all yours because I have one down here.”
The man rose and without another word headed up the stairs at the rear of the living room. Cory glanced at Gage, feeling her heart flutter a little. Panic? Fear? She couldn’t tell anymore, since the only feelings she had left were bad ones.
“It’ll be all right, Cory,” Gage said kindly as they listened to the heavy footsteps overhead. “Sometimes we all need a bolt-hole. That’s all he wants.”
She could understand that. She was living her entire life in a bolt-hole now.
She stiffened as she heard boots start down the stairway. She didn’t want to turn and look, afraid of the impact this huge stranger had on her. But she couldn’t evade looking at him for long, because he came to stand in front of her.
“It’s just what I need,” he said. He pulled out his wallet and handed her six hundred-dollar bills, crisp from the bank. “I’ll go get my stuff.”
Then he walked out and Cory sat staring at the money in her hand. She was used to seeing money at work, but not holding so much and knowing it was her own. Her hand shook a little.
“That’s too much,” she almost whispered. It was as much as she made in a month.
Gage shook his head. “He offered it, Cory. It’s what he thinks the room is worth.”
A minute later, Wade returned carrying a large heavy duffel bag. And that was it. In a matter of less than half an hour, she had gained a roomer, a roomer who carried his entire life, it seemed, in a bag.
How apt was that?
After Gage left, she had to deal with the uneasiness of hearing someone above her head for the first time since she had lived here. She could tell what he was doing by the sounds the rumbled through the floor: unpacking and putting things in the battered dresser.
She needed to give him a key, she realized, and felt her heart lurch at the thought. Her safety not only lay behind a new identity, but also behind locks that were always fastened, and an alarm system the feds had installed. The idea of giving a stranger both a key and the alarm code very nearly caused her a panic attack.
But then she remembered how easily those men had gotten to her and her husband, and knew that no lock or alarm in the world would protect her if she opened her door at the wrong time.
God, she thought, stop this, Cory! The whole reason she was here in out-of-the-way Conard County, Wyoming, the whole reason she was working as a grocery clerk instead of a teacher, with all the public documents that would require, was so that she didn’t have to look over her shoulder for the rest of her life.
Nothing about her life now in any way resembled her life before. Not even her work. Not even her face. That was where her safety lay, not in locks and alarm systems.
She heard Wade come down the stairs. This time she made herself look at him. He hadn’t changed, but she felt a shiver of fear anyway. This was still the man Gage had felt safe bringing into her life, and he might be big and appear ready to kill with his bare hands, but Gage trusted him. And she trusted Gage.
“I need to give you a key and show you the alarm code, Mr. Kendrick,” she said. Her voice sounded weak, but at least it was steady.
He stood at the foot of the stairs, looking at her. “You comfortable with that?” he asked.
How had he guessed? Was her terror written all over her face? “I … you live here now. You need to be able to come and go when I work.”
“No.”
“No?” What kind of answer was that?
“I can manage.”
She felt a bit stunned by his response. He could manage? He was paying what she considered to be an exorbitant rent to use that lousy bed and bath upstairs for a month, but he was willing to be locked out when she was gone? Had he read her fear so clearly? Or did she stink of it?
Probably the latter, she thought miserably. How would she know? She’d been afraid for so long.
“I’m going out to get sheets, towels, a few other things,” he said after a moment. “Which direction should I head?”
Another thought struck her. “Do you have a car?”
“I can walk.”
“I could walk, too,” she said, feeling a smidgen of her old self spring to life. The resurrection was almost as painful as the death, but at least it was only a small thing, and thus a small pain she could endure. “But if you need a bunch of things, then you might need an extra arm.”
“I’ll manage.”
“Yeah. You’ll manage.” Sighing, she stood up. “I’ll drive you. I need some food anyway.” And because of him she now had the money to buy it. Guilt, if nothing else, goaded her.
She went to get her purse. Before they stepped out, however, she insisted on giving him her spare key, and showing him the code for the alarm. If he thought it was odd there was such an advanced alarm system in such a ramshackle house, he didn’t indicate it by word or look.
Instead he asked just one question. “Motion detectors?”
“Down here at night. I turn them on separately. Same code. Did you see the keypads upstairs in your bedroom?”
“Yes.”
“Well, if you need to come down here at night, you can turn off the entire system from up there, too. To turn off the motion detectors, use the small keypad beside the big one. The rest of the system is on the big pad.” She made herself look at him then. Another shiver passed through her as she realized this man could probably snap her in two if he wanted to. Once she had never had those kinds of thoughts. Now she had them all the time. “If you leave, for any reason, and I’m not here or awake, please turn on the entire system.”
He nodded. Nothing in his face said he thought that was strange.
She explained the panic buttons, which would direct a call instantly to police, fire or ambulance. Their mere existence reminded her of all that had happened.
And none of it would have done her a damn bit of good fifteen months ago.
Then she set the alarm. It gave them only forty-five seconds to get out the front door and close it. It was long enough.
The U.S. Marshals had also given her a car along with the house. It wasn’t a standout that might draw attention. In fact, it was practically a tank, four years old already, guzzling gas in a way that pained her conscience, but her protectors had insisted. The engine was new, as of a year ago, and was a full V-8 with more power than she would ever need.
Because if they came after her, they wouldn’t give her a chance to get in a car and get away. She was sure of that. Someday soon, she promised herself, as soon as she could find a way, she would try to trade it in for a smaller but reliable car. She didn’t need this steel cocoon.
If she could say nothing else for the Suburban, it gave Wade Kendrick plenty of room. She doubted he could even squeeze into the subcompact she hoped to have someday.
He didn’t say another word until she dropped him off in front of the department store. Then it was just, “Thanks.”
“When should I pick you up?”
He shrugged. “I won’t take long. I’m not picky. Whenever is good for you.”
Well, her needs were essentially meager, too. Not even with the extra money could she afford to be reckless. Cooking for one just depressed her, but she made herself buy something more nutritious, like vegetables, and salad fixings, and some chicken. She could shop for more after her next shift, but right now she was off for three days.
Three whole days, and now with a stranger in her house.
Evenings were long here in the summer, the sun not even hitting the horizon until after nine. But as it sank lower in the west, the dry air failed to hold the heat, and the early evening was starting to cool down by the time she emerged from the market with her two cotton bags of groceries. She drove back to the department store, and found Wade already outside on the curb. Apparently he’d bought more than one or two items, to judge by the number of bags, and she was glad she hadn’t let him walk. She suspected that if she had, he’d have made several trips because of bulky pillows and blankets as well as sheets and towels.
And he probably wouldn’t have said a thing about it. Gage had been seriously guilty of understatement when he said the guy didn’t talk much.
She waited while he put his purchases in the back next to her groceries, then he climbed up front beside her.
“Thanks,” he said again.
“You’re welcome.”
And not another sound from him. It was almost as if he were trying to be invisible in every way. Out of sight, out of hearing, out of mind.
If he’d been one of her students, she would have concluded that silence came from secrets, terrible secrets, because nothing about him indicated shyness. But he wasn’t a student, he was a grown man, and maybe the same metrics didn’t apply.
They reached the house and she pulled into the short driveway and parked. She never used the garage because it provided hiding places over which she had little control.
As soon as she put the car in Park, Wade climbed out. “I’ll get your groceries, too,” he said.
Part of her wanted to argue that she could manage, but she recognized it for what it was: a desire to exert some control, any control, over her life again. The man offered a simple courtesy, and maybe it was his way of expressing his gratitude for the ride. She knew better than to prevent people from offering such little acts of kindness, especially when they had just received one.
Ah, hell, she thought. She didn’t ordinarily swear, but this day was beginning to make her want to. Needing to take someone into her sanctuary to pay the bills was bad enough. But finding that the teacher in her still existed, lived and breathed even though it was now forbidden to her, actually hurt.
She felt surprised that it still hurt. After the last year she had thought she was incapable of feeling any lack except the lack of her husband. God, she missed Jim with an ache that would probably never quit.
Head down, she climbed the front porch steps, going through her key ring for the house key. She had keys from the store, keys for the car, a key for the garage … so many keys for such a narrow life.
Just as she twisted the key, she heard the phone ring. It was probably work, she thought, needing her to come in to cover for someone who was sick. Eager for those hours, she left the door open behind her for Wade, punched in the alarm code as fast as she could, and ran for the cordless set in the living room.
She picked it up, punched the talk button, and said, “Hello?” Let it be more than a couple of hours. Make it a couple of days. God, she needed the hours.
A muffled voice said, “I know where you are.” Then nothing but a dial tone.
The phone dropped from her hands and her knees gave way.
They’d found her.
Chapter 2 (#ulink_2b826820-f9a7-5783-9274-d88242e214d7)
“What’s wrong?”
She looked up from the floor, at the huge man who had entered her life barely two hours ago. He stood in the doorway, his arms full of bags. She tried to breathe, but panic had locked her throat. Speech was impossible, and she couldn’t answer that question anyway. Not to a stranger.
Finally she managed to gasp in some air. The instant she recovered her breath, even that little bit, tears started to run. And then she wanted to run. To get in her car and drive as far as she could on what little money she had left, which wouldn’t be far at all in that damn Suburban.
And then she realized that if they’d found her, even stepping out her front door could cost her her life.
“Ma’am?”
The giant dropped the bags, and crossed the short distance between them. He squatted beside her. “Put your head down. All the way down.”
Somehow, with hands that seemed too gentle for someone she had already identified as threatening, he eased her down onto the floor, then lifted her legs onto the couch. Treating her for shock, she realized dimly as the wings of panic hammered at her.
“What happened?” he asked again.
The adrenaline had her panting. Who should she call? The Marshals? She knew what they’d do, and God help her, she didn’t want to do that again.
“The sheriff. I need to talk to Gage.”
At least he didn’t question her again. Instead he reached for the phone she had dropped and pressed it into her hand.
“Need me to leave?” he asked. “I’ll just go unload the car …”
He shouldn’t hear this, but around his dark eyes she saw something like genuine concern. Something that said he’d do whatever was best for her, regardless of what it might be.
Her throat tightened. So few people in her life who would care if she lived or died anymore. Even the Marshals would probably just consider her a statistic on their chart of successes and failures.
“I …” She hesitated, knowing she wasn’t supposed to share her true situation with anyone. Not anyone. But what did she have to say that he couldn’t hear? She didn’t have to mention anything about the witness protection program or her real identity because Gage already knew.
“It’s okay,” he said. “Just don’t get up yet. I’ll get the rest of the stuff from the car.”
Amazing. He rose and went back to unloading as if she hadn’t just done the weirdest thing in the world: collapse and then demand to call the sheriff.
Amazing.
But she realized she didn’t want her car left unattended and unlocked with bags in it. Bags in which someone could put something. And she didn’t want her front door open indefinitely, or the alarm off. Her life had become consumed by such concerns.
Muttering a nasty word she almost never used, she brought up Gage’s private cell phone on her auto dialer. He answered immediately.
“Cory Farland,” she said, aware that her voice trembled.
“Cory? Did something happen?”
“Gage I … I got a phone call. All the guy said was, ‘I know where you are.’”
Gage swore softly. “Okay,” he said. “Okay. Most likely it was just a prank. You know how kids are when they have time on their hands. Stupid phone calls are the least of it.”
“I know, but …”
“I know,” he said. “Trust me, I know. I’m not going to ignore it, okay? Stay inside. Don’t go out at all, and keep that alarm on. Do you have caller ID?”
“No, I can’t afford it.”
Another oath, muffled. “I’m going to remedy that as soon as possible. But Cory, try not to get too wound up. It’s probably a prank.”
Yeah. She knew kids. Probably a prank, like Prince Albert in the can. Yeah. A prank. “Okay.”
Gage spoke again. “Think about it, Cory. If they’d really found you, why would they warn you?”
Good question. “You’re right.” She couldn’t quite believe it, but he was right. She drew another shaky breath, and felt her heart start to slow into a more normal rhythm.
“I’m not dismissing it, Cory,” Gage said. “Don’t misunderstand me. But I’m ninety-nine-point-nine percent certain it’s some kind of prank.”
“Of course.” She said goodbye and disconnected, then lay staring at her ceiling. It was an old ceiling, and watermarks made strange patterns, some like faces she could almost identify. Like the face of the man who had killed Jim and almost killed her.
She heard the front door close, the lock turn, the sound of the alarm being turned on. The tone pierced what suddenly seemed like too much silence, too much emptiness.
She heard footsteps and turned her head to see Wade. Still impassive, he looked down at her. “How are you feeling?” he asked.
“I’m fine. I’m fine.” Life’s biggest lie, and it rose automatically to her lips.
“Your color is a bit better. Need help getting up?”
“I can do it, thanks.” Yeah, she could do it. Get up, go to the kitchen, put her groceries away and resume the pretense of normalcy. Because there was no other option. All her options had been stolen over a year ago.
Sighing, she pulled her feet off the couch and rolled to her side to get up. A steadying hand was there to grip her elbow, surprising her. She looked into the rigid, unrevealing face of Wade Kendrick and wondered if he were some kind of instinctive caretaker.
She should have protested the touch. But all of a sudden, after a year of avoiding contact with other people, she needed it, even just that little bit of a steadying hand offered out of courtesy.
“Thanks,” she said when she was on her feet. “I need to put groceries away.”
One corner of his mouth hitched up just the tiniest bit. His version of a smile? “I think,” he said slowly, “it might be best if you sit for a bit. I can put your groceries away, and you can supervise.”
She should have argued. The independence thing had become of supreme importance to her since circumstances beyond her control had gutted her entire life. But she didn’t feel like arguing at all. No, with her knees still feeling rubbery, and perishables like frozen food and milk in her two shopping bags, the task needed to be done soon, and she honestly wasn’t sure she could manage it.
Adrenaline jolts had a high price when they wore off. So she led the way into the kitchen, her knees shaking, and sat at the chipped plastic-topped table while he emptied her two bags and then asked where each item went. He went about it with utter efficiency: economy of words and economy of movement both.
And she felt very awkward, unable to engage in conversation. She’d lost most of her conversational ability over the past year because she didn’t have a past, at least not one she could talk about, and lying had never come easy. So she had become limited to the most useless of topics: the weather, work, a recent film. No depth or breadth of any kind.
And when faced by a man like this, one who seemed disinclined to talk, all she could do was sit in her chair and squirm.
“There,” he said when the last item was put away. Then he faced her. “If you’re okay now, I’ll take my stuff upstairs.”
She should have said thank-you and left it at that. That’s what she should have done. But all of a sudden, maybe because of the phone call, being alone was the last thing she wanted. Solitude had been her fortress for a long time, so why she should want to breach the walls now, she couldn’t understand. But she did anyway.
“If I make coffee,” she said, “would you like some?”
One eyebrow seemed to lift, but she couldn’t be quite sure. This was a man who seemed to have lost use of his face. Either that, or he had trained himself to reveal absolutely nothing. And the question about coffee seemed to give him pause. He treated it as if it needed real consideration.
“That would be nice,” he finally said.
Only then did she realize she was almost holding her breath. Maybe she feared rejection of some kind. How could she possibly consider a no over a cup of coffee to be rejection? God, was she beginning to lose her mind?
It was, of course, entirely possible. In the past year she’d come perilously close to living in solitary confinement with only her memories.
“Okay.” She tried a smile and it seemed to work, because he nodded.
“I’ll just take my stuff up and be back down in a minute,” he said.
She watched him walk out of the room and noticed his broad shoulders and narrow hips. The ease with which he moved in his body, like an athlete. Yes, she was definitely slipping a cog somewhere. She hadn’t noticed a man that way in a long time, hadn’t felt the sexual siren song of masculinity, except with Jim, and since Jim not at all.
She didn’t need or want to feel it now.
Shaking her head, she rose and found that her strength seemed to have returned. Making the coffee was an easy, automatic task, one that kept her hands busy while her mind raced.
Surely Gage had been right. The killers wouldn’t warn her they were coming. So it must have been kids pulling a prank. When she thought about it, her own reaction to the call disappointed her. There’d been a time when she would have reached the same conclusion as Gage without needing to consult anyone at all. A time when she hadn’t been a frightened mouse who couldn’t think things through for herself.
She needed to get that woman back if she was to survive, because much more of what she’d gone through the past year would kill her as surely as a bullet.
Piece by piece, she felt her personality disassembling. Piece by piece she was turning into a shadow of the woman she had once been. She might as well have lopped off parts of her own brain and personality.
How long would she let this continue? Because if it went on much longer, she’d be nothing but a robot, an empty husk of a human being. Somehow, somewhere inside her, she had to find purpose again. And a way to connect with the world.
As one of the Marshals had said when she argued she didn’t want to do this, “How many people in this world would give just about anything to have a chance to start completely fresh?”
At the time the comment had seemed a little heartless, but as it echoed inside her head right now, she knew he’d had a point. She hadn’t liked it then, didn’t like it now, but there was a certain truth in it.
A fresh start. No real reason to fear. Not anymore. If they were going to find her, certainly they’d have done so long since.
Wade returned to the kitchen just as the drip coffeemaker finished its task. “How do you like it?” she asked.
“Black as night.”
She carried the carafe to the table, along with two mugs and filled them, then set the pot on a pad in the center of the table. She always liked a touch of milk in hers, one of the things she hadn’t had to give up in this transition. She could still eat the foods she preferred, drink her coffee with a little milk, and enjoy the same kinds of movies and books.
Maybe it was time to start thinking about what she hadn’t lost, rather than all she had.
Brave words.
She sat across the table from Wade, trying not to look at him because she didn’t want to make him feel like a bug under a microscope. But time and again her gaze tracked toward him, and each time she found him staring at her.
Finally she had to ask. “Is something wrong? You keep staring at me.”
“You’re a puzzle.”
She blinked, surprised. “You don’t even know me.”
“Probably part of what makes you a puzzle,” he said easily enough. His deep voice, which had earlier sounded like thunder, now struck her as black velvet, dark and rich.
“Only part?” she asked, even though she sensed she might be getting into dangerous territory here.
“Well, there is another part.”
“Which is?”
He set his mug down. “It seems odd to find a woman so terrified in a place like this.”
She gasped and drew back. His gaze never left her face, and he didn’t wait for a denial or even any response at all.
“I know terror,” he continued. “I’ve seen it, smelled it, tasted it. You reek of it.”
She felt her jaw drop, but she couldn’t think of one damn thing to say, because he was right. Right.
“Sorry,” he said after a moment. “I suppose I have no business saying things like that.”
Damn straight, she thought, wishing she’d never asked him if he wanted coffee. Wishing she’d never agreed to share a house with him. Those dark eyes of his saw too much. Way too much.
He’d stripped her bare. Anger rose in her and she glared at him. How dare he? But then, hadn’t she all but asked for it?
He looked down at his mug, giving her a break from his stare, from his acute perception.
She thought about getting up and walking into her bedroom and locking the door. Hiding, always hiding. The thought stiffened her somehow, and instead of fleeing she held her ground. “Is it that obvious?”
He shook his head. “Probably not to anyone who hasn’t been where I’ve been. Except for when you got that call, you put on a pretty good act.”
“My entire life is an act,” she heard herself snap.
He nodded, and when he looked at her again something in his gaze tugged at her, something that reached toward her and tried to pull her in. She looked quickly away. None of that. She didn’t dare risk that.
“Look,” he said finally, “I don’t mean to upset you. I just want you to know …” He trailed off.
She waited, but when he didn’t continue, she finally prodded him. “Want me to know what?”
“I’m not useless. Far from it. So if … if you need help, well, I’m here.” Then he poured a little more coffee in his mug and rose, carrying the mug away with him.
She listened to him climb the creaky stairs and wondered what the hell had just happened.
Wade made up his bed with the skill of long years of practice in the navy. Perfectly square corners, the blanket tight enough to bounce a quarter off. His drawers were just as neat, everything was folded to fit a locker though, so the items didn’t exactly match the drawers, but the stacks were square.
Old habits die hard, and six months of retirement hadn’t killed any of them.
He sat on the wood chair in the corner of the room, and focused his mind like a searchlight on the present, because looking back got him nowhere, and the future seemed impossible to conceive.
That woman downstairs was as scared as any green combat troop he’d ever seen. As scared as the women and kids he’d seen in situations he didn’t want to remember.
He hadn’t expected to find that here. Hadn’t bargained on the feelings it would resurrect. He’d come to this damn county in the middle of nowhere because Seth Hardin had promised he’d find peace and solitude, and that everything here was as far from his past as he could possibly get.
Right.
Apparently Seth hadn’t known about this woman. Corinne Farland. Cory. Regardless, who the hell would have thought that he’d find this mess through the simple act of renting a room?
He leaned over and lifted the coffee mug from the top of the dresser, draining half of it in one gulp. Good coffee.
The back of his neck prickled a little as he thought about the situation, and he never ignored it when the back of his neck prickled. That sensation had saved his skin more than once, or someone else’s skin.
But he couldn’t figure out why the hell Gage Dalton had brought him to this particular woman. There must be other rooms for rent in this county. Surely.
Well, maybe not. The place didn’t exactly look huge. So it could just have been coincidence. But he didn’t believe much in coincidence. At some level, conscious or otherwise, Gage had thought of this woman, her terror and her room.
And there was a reason for that, a reason that made the skin on the back of his neck crawl. Cory’s level of fear suggested a long-term, ongoing threat.
And here he was, smack in the middle of a place he thought he’d left behind. A place he wanted to leave behind.
He needed to normalize, to stop being a SEAL and start being a reasonably ordinary member of society again. He needed to stop sleeping with one eye always open, constantly ready for death to lunge out of any shadow or hole. He needed to let his reflexes slow again, at least to the point where someone wouldn’t risk death simply by trying to wake him from sleep, or by moving too fast in the corner of his eye. That’s what he needed, and that had just skittered out the door of his immediate future.
Because downstairs there was one hell of a scared woman, and she shouldn’t feel that way. And a phone call, a simple phone call, had caused her to collapse.
From what he’d seen of Conard County and Conard City so far, he would have called the place bucolic.
Well, that was a hell of a reaction for a bucolic place.
It wasn’t normal. It didn’t fit.
Apparently he would have to keep sleeping with one eye open.
He could leave, of course, but that didn’t even truly appear on his menu of options. He couldn’t walk away from her terror.
Someone that terrified needed protecting.
For a change, he decided, he’d like to provide the protection, rather than the terror.
A bitter smile twisted his mouth. That, at least, would be a change. A much-needed change.
And wasn’t that what he’d come here for?
The phone didn’t ring again, thank God. Cory ate a small salad for dinner, then tried to settle in with the TV. She didn’t think she could focus on one of the library books stacked on the small table beside the rocking chair, because her mind seemed to have turned into a flea, insisting on hopping from one thing to another, all totally unrelated. Even the sharpness of fear didn’t seem able to get her full attention.
So it was easier to turn the TV on, for the noise, for the visual distraction, for the occasional moments in which she could actually tune into the program, whatever it was.
She noted that her roomer upstairs had grown quiet, utterly quiet. Probably sleeping, but with her senses on high alert, the inability to guess what he was about made her uneasy. Solitude was her friend, her fortress, her constant companion.
But she’d invited in an invader, and his silence was worse than the noise he’d made while settling in.
She flipped quickly to the weather station, but too late, because the image of a crime-scene team entering a home where a man lay dead, just a reenactment, was enough to set off a string of memories she tried never to visit.
Jim lying there, bleeding from multiple wounds. Trying to crawl to him despite the wound in her own side, gasping his name, knowing somehow as she crawled that he was lost to her forever.
She squeezed her eyes shut as if that could erase the images that sprang to mind. Gentle, determined Jim, a man with a huge smile, a huge heart and a belief in making the world a better place. A man who could talk to her with such kindness and understanding, then in a courtroom or deposition turn into a circling shark, coming in for the kill.
A gifted man. An admirable man.
The man she had loved with every cell of her being.
Their last dinner together. Jim had taken her to one of the best restaurants in Tampa to celebrate a positive pregnancy test that very morning. They’d laughed, coming up with silly names they would never in a million years give their child.
And shortly after midnight, everything that mattered in her life vanished. At least she didn’t mourn the pregnancy as much as she might if she had had time to get accustomed to the idea. That little mark on the stick had scarcely been real to her yet when the gunshot ended it all.
But Jim … Jim had been everything. Jim and her students. The life they had barely begun to build together after only two years.
Now she drew a shaky breath, trying to steady herself, trying to prevent the gasping sobs she had managed to avoid for months now.
But awake, or asleep, she still heard the banging on the door. Banging that had sounded like the police. Jim had laughed drowsily as he climbed from bed to answer it.
“Somebody probably just tried to steal my car,” he had said. His car was also a joke between them, a beater he’d gotten in law school. It was certainly not worthy of stealing, but the very expensive stereo he’d put in it was.
She had heard him open the door then …
Her mind balked. Her eyes snapped open. No, she couldn’t do this to herself again. No way. It was done, the nightmares permanently engraved on her heart and mind, but that didn’t mean she had to let them surface.
Sometimes she even scolded herself for it, because while grief was natural, and the fear she felt equally so, every time she indulged herself in grief or fear, she knew she was giving that man even more power over her than he had already stolen from her.
And he had already stolen everything that mattered.
The phone rang, jarring her. This time she didn’t jump for it, this time she didn’t think it was work calling. Part of her wanted to let it ring unanswered, but she didn’t even have an answering machine, and what if it was Gage?
Slowly, reluctantly, she reached for it, coiling as tight as a spring. So tight some of her nerves actually objected.
“Hello?”
“Cory, it’s Gage. I just wanted you to know a few other women have reported similar calls, so it was probably just a prank, okay?”
Her breath escaped her lungs in a gasp of relief. “Thanks,” she said. “Thanks.”
“And I’m getting caller ID put on your service. The phone company says you should have it within a few days. And don’t worry about the cost. The department will pay for it.”
“Oh, Gage …” Words deserted her yet again. Of all the places on this earth the Marshals could have put her, she was grateful they had put her in a town with Gage Dalton.
“Hey,” he said kindly. “We take care of our own around here. It’s not a problem.”
Before she could thank him again, he was gone.
“Is everything all right?”
Startled, she nearly cried out, and turned to see Wade Kendrick at the foot of the stairs. How had he come down so silently? Earlier his tread had been heavy. Or maybe she’d just been so distracted. She drew a few deep breaths, trying to steady her pulse.
“I’m sorry,” he said quietly. “I didn’t mean to startle you. I heard the phone ring, and after the way you reacted earlier …”
“Of course. Of course.” She closed her eyes and consciously tried to relax, at least a bit. It didn’t happen easily anymore, that whole relaxing thing. “Everything’s okay. Gage … called.” But what could she tell him about the call? Even a few words might be too much.
He waited, and it was clear to her that he wasn’t satisfied. But he didn’t ask, he just waited. And somehow his willingness to wait reassured her. She couldn’t even understand it herself.
“I got a nasty phone call earlier,” she said slowly.
He nodded. “I didn’t think it was a funny one.”
“No.” Of course not. And now she was sounding like an idiot, she supposed. She gathered herself, trying to organize her words carefully. “Gage just wanted me to know that several other women received similar calls.”
One of his eyebrows lifted. “Really.”
“Probably just kids.”
“Maybe.”
His response didn’t seem to make sense. “Maybe?”
“Well, that would depend, wouldn’t it?”
“On what?”
“On what has you so scared, and who else received the calls.”
“What in the world do you mean?”
He shrugged. “Life has made me suspicious.”
“Oh.” She bit her lower lip, realizing that nothing in her life had prepared her for dealing with a man like this. He seemed to come at things from a unique direction, unlike anything she was familiar with.
He started to turn away. “Well, as long as you’re okay …”
He didn’t ask a single question. She found that intriguing, given what little he had figured out about her in the short time since he moved in. Any other person would have been asking dozens of question, but this man just seemed to accept that she was afraid, she must have good reason for it and that it was none of his business.
In that moment she thought it possible that she might come to like him.
“Wade?”
He stopped and turned back to her. He didn’t say a word, simply looked at her.
“I, uh …” How could she say that she didn’t want to be alone? That she was tired of being locked in the prison of her own thoughts? That even though solitude had provided her only safety for a year now, she was sick of it, and sick of her own company. Tired enough of it all to feel an impulse toward risk. Just a small risk.
“Should I make coffee?” he asked.
He had understood, though how she couldn’t imagine. She might have been about to ask him anything, tell him anything.
All she said was, “Thanks.” Because there was nothing else she could say.
She switched the TV off so she could listen to his movements in the kitchen. Everything he needed was beside the drip coffeemaker, so he wouldn’t have trouble finding it. And finally she could afford to have more than one cup each day. Imagine that, being reduced to one cup of coffee and a can of soup each day.
Sure, there were plenty of people in the world who had less, but her life had never before been restricted in such a way. She’d always been luckier than that. Always. Until recently.
Wade returned finally with two mugs, hers with exactly the right milkiness. The man missed nothing. Nothing.
He sat across from her on the easy chair, sipping his own coffee, watchful but silent. Maybe this wasn’t going to work at all. How did you converse with a block of stone? But she needed something, anything, to break the cycle of her own thoughts.
Man, she didn’t even know how to start a conversation anymore! Once it had come as naturally as breathing to her, but now, after a year of guarding every word that issued from her mouth, she had lost the ability it seemed.
Wade sipped his coffee again. He, at least, seemed comfortable with silence. After a couple of awkward minutes, however, he surprised her by speaking.
“Do you know Seth Hardin?”
She shook her head. “I know his father, but I’ve never met Seth.”
“He’s a great guy. I worked with him a lot over the years. He’s the one who recommended I come here.”
Positively voluble all of a sudden. “Why?”
He gave a small shrug. “He thought it would be peaceful for me.”
At that a laugh escaped her, almost hysterical, and she broke it off sharply. “Sorry. Then you walk into this, a crazy widow who collapses over a prank phone call. Some peace.”
His obsidian eyes regarded her steadily, but not judgmentally. “Fear like yours doesn’t happen without a good reason.”
It could have been a question, but clearly it was not. This man wouldn’t push her in any way. Not even one so obvious and natural. She sought for a way to continue. “Gage said you were in the navy.”
He nodded. “For more than half my life.”
“Wow.” She couldn’t think of anything else to say.
“Yeah.” Short, brief. After another moment he stirred. “You need to talk.”
She tensed immediately. Was he trying to get her to explain? But then he spoke again, easing her concern.
“I’m not a talker.” Another small shrug. “Never was. Making conversation is one of the many things I’m not good at.”
“Me, either, anymore. I wasn’t always that way.”
He nodded. “Some things in life make it harder. I’m not sure I ever had the gift.”
“Maybe it’s not a gift,” she said impulsively. “Maybe most of what we say is pointless, just background noise.”
“Maybe. Or maybe it’s how we start making connections. I stopped making them a long time ago.”
“Why?”
He looked down into his mug, and she waited while he decided what he wanted to say, and probably what he didn’t.
“Connections,” he said finally, “can have a high price.”
Man, didn’t she know that. Maybe that was part of the reason she’d kept so much to herself over the past year, not simply because she was afraid of saying the wrong thing. Maybe it was because she feared caring ever again.
“I can understand that,” she agreed, her lips feeling oddly numb. As if she were falling away again, from now into memory. But her memory had become a Pandora’s box, and she struggled to cling to the moment. To now.
The phone rang again. She jumped and stared at it. Gage had already called. Work? Maybe. Maybe not.
Wade spoke. “Want me to answer it?”
A kind offer, but one that wouldn’t help her deal with reality. She’d been protected almost into nonexistence, she realized. Protected and frightened. At some point she had to start living again, not just existing.
So she reached for the phone, even as her heart hammered and her hand shook. “Hello?”
“Cory!” A familiar woman’s voice filled her ear. “It’s Marsha.” Marsha from work, a woman she occasionally spent a little time with because they had some similarities, some points of connection they could talk about. But they’d never really gotten to the point of random, friendly phone calls.
“Hi, Marsha. What’s up?” Her heart slowed, her hand steadied.
“I got a phone call. I think Jack has found me!”
Cory drew a sharp breath. While she hadn’t shared her story with Marsha, she’d learned a lot of Marsha’s story over the past year. “What makes you think that?”
“The person said he knew where I was!”
“Oh. Marsha, I got one of those calls, too. Did you report it to the sheriff?”
“A phone call like that?” Marsha laughed, but there was an edge to it. “Why would he even listen to me?”
“Because I got one of those calls. And a few other women did, too.”
Marsha fell silent. Then hopefully, “Others got the same call?”
“Gage thinks it was a prank. I reported it and so did some others.”
In the silence on the line, Cory could hear Marsha start calming herself. She waited patiently until she could no longer hear Marsha’s rapid breathing. Then she asked, “Do you want to come over?” She’d never asked that before, even though she’d gone to Marsha’s a few times. Explaining expensive alarm systems could get … messy, and involve lying.
“No. No. I guess not. If Gage thinks it’s a prank, and I’m not the only one to get a call, I must be okay.”
“So it would seem.”
“But I’m going to get a dog,” Marsha said with sudden determination. “Tomorrow, I’m getting a dog. A big one that barks.” Then she gave a tinny laugh.
“If it helps you to feel safer.”
“It’ll help. And if I’m this nervous after all this time, I guess I need the help. Want to do coffee in the morning?”
That meant going out, and Gage had told her not to. But that had been before he decided the calls were a prank. Cory hesitated, then said, “Let me call you about that in the morning.”
“Okay. Maybe you can help me pick out a dog.”
As if she knew anything about dogs. “I’ll call around nine, okay?”
“Okay. Thanks, Cory. I feel a lot better now.”
When Cory hung up, she found Wade sipping his coffee, quietly attentive. After a moment’s hesitation, she decided to explain.
“My friend Marsha. She got one of those calls, too.”
“Why did it frighten her?”
“Her ex was abusive. Very abusive. She’s afraid he might find her.”
He nodded slowly. “So she’s hiding here, too?”
“Too?” She didn’t want to think about what his use of that word meant, how much he must have figured out about her.
He said nothing, just took another sip of coffee. Then, at last, “What did the caller say?”
“Just ‘I know where you are.’”
Another nod. “That would be scary to someone who doesn’t want to be found.”
And she’d just revealed a whole hell of a lot. She ought to panic, but somehow the panic wouldn’t come. Maybe because having listened to Marsha, some steely chord in her had been plucked, one long forgotten. Prank call or not, at least two women were going to have trouble sleeping tonight, and that made her mad.
“Why would some idiot do this?” she demanded. “I don’t care if it was kids. This isn’t funny. Not at all.”
“I agree.”
His agreement, far from settling her, pushed her into a rare contrarian mood. She knew kids, after all, had taught them for years. “They don’t think,” she said. “They probably got the idea from some movie and are having a grand old time laughing that they might have scared someone.”
“Maybe.”
“They wouldn’t realize that some people might really have something to fear.”
“Maybe.”
She looked at him in frustration. “Can you manage more than a few syllables?”
At that he almost smiled. She could see the crack in his stone facade. “Occasionally,” he said. “How many syllables do you want?”
“Just tell me why you keep saying maybe.”
“I told you, I’m suspicious by nature. Tell me more about your friend Marsha.”
“Why? What? I told you her story, basically.”
He set his cup on the end table and leaned toward her, resting his elbows on his knees and clasping his hands. “Try this. Have you both always lived here or did you move here? Are you about the same age? Any similarities in appearance?”
Just as she started to think he had gone over some kind of edge, something else struck her. For a few seconds she couldn’t find breath to speak, and when she did it was a mere whisper. “You think someone could be trying to find one of us?”
“I don’t know.” The words came out bluntly. “A sample of two hardly proves anything. But I’m still curious. Will you tell me?”
She hesitated, then finally nodded. “Marsha and I are sort of friends because we … share a few things. We both moved here within a couple of weeks of each other, almost a year ago. We work together at the grocery.”
“Your ages? And your appearance?”
“We don’t look like twins.”
“I didn’t think you did. But otherwise?”
“I think we’re as different as night and day.” Indeed they were. Marsha had short red hair, a square chin, green eyes and a bust a lot of women would have paid a fortune for. Cory, on the other hand, now had chin-length auburn hair—which she hated because she had to keep it colored herself to hide her natural dark blond—and brown eyes that had looked good when she was blonde but now seemed to vanish compared to her hair. The Marshals had given her a slight nose job, though, replacing her button nose with something a little longer and straighter. They hadn’t messed with her bust, though. That was still average.
“Are those differences that could be easily manipulated?”
She didn’t like where he was going with this, didn’t like it at all. “You are suspicious.” But then, so was she. All of a sudden Gage’s phone call seemed a lot less reassuring. “Marsha and I don’t look at all alike.” But how sure was she of that?
“Then I’m overly suspicious.” He leaned back, picking up his coffee again. “Way too much so.”
“Why?”
“Because I’ve lived my life in the shadows. Suspicion is part of my creed. I never take anything at face value.” He shrugged. “Best to ignore me, I suppose.”
It might have been except for her past. Had she an ordinary life behind her, it would have been easy to dismiss him as a nut. But she couldn’t quite do that.
“Why,” she asked finally, “would he call so many? If someone was after either of us, a whole bunch of phone calls wouldn’t make sense, would it?”
He shrugged. “Like I said, just ignore me.”
Easier said than done, especially when he seemed to have been following some train of thought of his own. But he said nothing more, and she really couldn’t imagine any reason he should be suspicious.
But of one thing she was reasonably certain: the man who would want her dead wouldn’t need to call a bunch of women to scare them. In fact, it would be the last thing he would do. Because calling her would warn her, and if she got scared enough to call the Marshals, they’d move her.
Even though moving her would take time, it would certainly make killing her more difficult while she was under constant surveillance once again, as she had been in the three months between the shooting and her eventual relocation.
So it had to be a prank. Surely. She clung to that like a straw in a hurricane.
Because it was all she could do.
Chapter 3 (#ulink_e2ee7e44-002d-5ece-ab3e-5fbd744dff38)
In the morning, Cory decided to go for coffee with Marsha after all. She had a little money to spare because of Wade, and a cup of coffee at Maude’s didn’t cost that much, especially if she avoided the fancier drinks that Maude had begun to introduce, taking her cue from the major coffee chains. So far Cory didn’t think there was a huge market for “mocha decaf lattes” here, even though she loved lattes herself, but they were now available if anyone wanted them.
Marsha expressed huge gratitude for the call. In her voice, Cory heard a stress that matched her own. She hadn’t slept well at all last night, tossing and turning, one nightmare following another.
When she finally gave up trying to sleep, it was only five-thirty in the morning. She’d grabbed a book from the table beside her bed and had attempted to read for a couple of hours. In the end, though, the words might as well have been random letters, none of the story penetrated, and she thought she might have dozed a bit.
Wade must still be asleep, she thought when at last she reset the house alarm and slipped out the door. She’d been the only one to change the alarm settings since she awoke—she’d have heard the tone if anyone had—and she hadn’t heard him moving around.
Nothing strange in that, she supposed, except she had somehow expected him to be an early riser. Why? Because he’d been in the navy? Not everyone in the navy worked days and slept nights. She knew that much. Maybe he’d had some kind of night duty. Which got her to wondering what kind of work he’d done, and how he’d gotten enough medals to paper a wall, according to Gage.
Well, she could always try asking him, but she doubted he would answer. And how could she complain about that when she kept her own secrets?
It was a lovely summer morning, and she could have walked to Maude’s but uneasiness made her take the Suburban anyway. Besides, she told herself, trying to pretend she wasn’t acting only out of over-heightened fear, if Marsha really did want to get a big dog, the Suburban might be the best way to get it home.
Marsha was already there at a table with coffee in front of her. Hardly had Cory slid into a seat facing her when Maude stomped by, slamming a mug down and filling it. A little bowl of creamer cups already sat in the middle of the table.
Cory actually felt a smile twitch at the corners of her mouth. In a year she’d never bought anything here except coffee, and Maude had apparently given up on talking her into anything else. Once in a blue moon, a piece of pie would be slapped down in front of her but never show up on the bill. Interesting woman, Maude. Cory was quite sure she had never met anyone like her.
Marsha smiled at her, but the expression didn’t reach her eyes. She looked exhausted, and Cory suspected they had both spent nights filled with nightmares and restlessness.
“I’m glad that you told me a bunch of women got the same call,” Marsha said.
“I don’t know how many, but Gage indicated there were a few of us. That’s why he thinks it’s a prank.”
“Makes sense.” Marsha opened another little cup of half-and-half and lightened her coffee even more. “And I guess if a few reported the calls, there were probably more like me who never called him at all.”
“Probably,” Cory agreed. “You look like you slept about as well as I did.”
Marsha’s laugh was short and hollow. “Yeah, we look like a pair of zombies, don’t we? I just couldn’t stop thinking about Jack all night, about all the things he threatened to do to me. But it’s been almost a year, so he probably never wanted to come after me. He just wanted to scare me.”
And Marsha had plenty of reason to be scared, considering the things her ex had done to her. Cory wanted to say something reassuring, but couldn’t. How could she reassure anyone when she was living with a similar terror herself? Her pursuers might have more reason to try to track her, since she could help identify one of them as a murderer, but did that mean Marsha’s ex was necessarily less determined?
“Are you still going to get a dog?”
Marsha nodded. “I called the vet before I came here. He says he has a couple of dogs I might like and that they’re naturally protective breeds.”
“That sounds good.”
“I told him I wanted a big dog, but he recommended against it.”
“Really?”
Marsha gave a small, tired laugh. “He asked me how much I wanted to walk it, and did I want to be able to hold it in my lap …” Her voice broke, then steadied. “Sorry. I’m just tired. But anyway, the idea of a dog that would curl up on my lap sounded good, and with the hours we work, I couldn’t walk a dog at the same time of day every day …” She trailed off, sighed and looked down into her coffee.
All of a sudden, Cory felt something she hadn’t felt in far too long: a desire to protect someone besides herself. The urge rose fiercely, and burned away some of the fear.
Those men had stolen her life, but for the last year she’d let them steal her, too. She’d let them turn her into a quivering, frightened recluse whose only concern was surviving each day.
How much more twisted could she get? How could she let them keep doing this to her? She wasn’t the only person on this planet with fears and needs. Look at Marsha. What had she ever done except marry the wrong man? Yet, she, too, had been driven into a hole in the ground.
Angry, Cory couldn’t sit still another moment. She slapped some bills on the table, to cover both their coffees, and stood. “Let’s go get your dog. You need a reason to smile.”
Marsha appeared startled, but then began to grin. “Yeah,” she said. “Let’s go get that dog.”
“Cute and cuddly,” Cory said. “The cutest, cuddliest one we can find.”
Because there still had to be something good in life, and a dog was as good a start as anything else.
Conard County wasn’t a heavily populated place, so it had a limited tax base and had to cut some corners. Hence the vet and animal control shared property and kennels, and the vet, Dr. Mike Windwalker, was on retainer to care for the impounded animals. Like most small-town vets, he handled everything from horses to the occasional reptile.
A handsome man in his mid-thirties, he’d replaced the former vet five years ago and seemed to enjoy his broad-spectrum practice. He had one assistant, though he could probably have used more.
“You picked a good day to do this,” he remarked as he led Marsha and Cory back through his office toward the kennels. “I’m not very busy so I’ll have time to help you make a good match.”
As they approached the wire gate beyond which lay the sheltered kennels, the sounds of dogs barking started to build.
“They know we’re coming,” the vet said with a smile. “But before we go in …” He turned to Marsha. “I want to know a bit more about why you want a dog. Just for protection? Or would you like a companion? And can you afford much dog food?”
Marsha bit her lip, then admitted, “I’m tired of being alone so much. Yes, I want a dog that can alert me when someone comes, but I think I’d like to have one to love, too. And play with. I’d love to play with a dog. As for food—” she wrinkled her nose “—I probably shouldn’t have a dog with a huge appetite.”
At that Mike Windwalker smiled. “Then I have a couple of good ones for you. Love and protection can come in small sizes as well as large.”
Cory stayed back a bit, watching as Mike introduced Marsha to various small dogs. She didn’t want to get too interested in the process because when Wade left, unless she got a better job or more hours at her current one, she simply wouldn’t be able to take care of a pet. Nor, when she thought about it, could she have one running around at night with the motion detectors on.
But it was so hard to resist all the puppy-dog eyes. It would have been entirely too easy to choose one for herself, and she had to remind herself again and again that she couldn’t afford it.
But she felt a definite stab of envy when Marsha eventually settled on a Pomeranian. “Definitely loyal,” the vet said approvingly. “She’ll let you know any time anyone approaches the house and these dogs can be relied on to fight for their owners if necessary.” He shook his head. “People often underestimate the protectiveness of the small breeds. There are ways to get around a dog, any dog, but these small guys have hearts like lions.”
Marsha definitely looked as if she’d fallen in love. And while she naturally had a cheerful nature, it was often eclipsed behind spurts of worry. Right now, she looked as if she didn’t have a worry in the world.
“Just one caveat,” the vet said. “I offer obedience classes for free, and with this one you’d be wise to take them.”
“I will.”
“I’m starting a new class Saturday morning at nine.”
Marsha beamed at him. “I’ll be there.”
When she drove back home a short while later, Cory felt she’d managed to accomplish at least one good deed, small as it was. And it had been small. She hadn’t been able to give Marsha the dog, or even help her decide which one was best, but she suspected Martha might not have acted so quickly on her own, simply because living in fear had a way of paralyzing you. Even small decisions sometimes seemed too big to make.
And that had to stop, she told herself sternly. It had to stop now. For too long now she’d been little more than a wasted lump of human flesh.
Wade must have heard her pull up, because he was waiting for her at the foot of the stairs. Apparently he’d been sleeping because his hair had that tousled look, and his blue sport shirt hung open over his jeans.
Cory couldn’t help herself. She stopped dead and stared. That was some chest, smoothly muscled, bronzed and just begging for a touch. Oh, man, as if she needed this now.
With effort she dragged her gaze upward and then wished she hadn’t, because she saw in his obsidian eyes that he hadn’t missed her look. He revealed nothing about his reaction to it, though, nor did he make any attempt to button his shirt.
“Did Marsha get her dog?” he asked before the silence got long enough that she wouldn’t be able to pretend he hadn’t noticed what she’d been noticing.
“Yes. A Pomeranian.”
“I had a buddy who had one. He called it his pocket piranha.”
The remark was utterly unexpected, and it bypassed every short circuit the past year had put in Cory’s brain. She giggled. Actually giggled.
A faint smile leavened Wade’s face. “He liked to bite my ankles.”
That seemed even funnier. “Such a stupid dog,” she giggled again.
“Stupid?”
“Taking on someone your size? That’s stupid.”
Wade’s smile widened just a hair more. “He knew I wouldn’t hurt him. Dogs have good instincts.”
She laughed again, still amused by the image. Then it struck her that he seemed to have been waiting for her. “Is there something you need?”
“Well, actually …” He hesitated. “I know the deal was I would eat out. But I was wondering, would you mind if I bought groceries and cooked for myself? I’ll leave things squared away so you won’t even notice I was in there.”
For some reason she liked the idea that he wouldn’t be leaving her alone three times a day to hunt up a meal. Amazing how far she had come in less than a day. What had initially seemed like a threat now seemed like a bulwark. Nor was this a matter she wanted to take issue over.
“I don’t mind.” Although she was a little surprised that he’d felt it necessary to say she wouldn’t even know he’d been in the kitchen. Most people wouldn’t have bothered to mention it, unless asked.
She drew a sharp breath, and all of a sudden her heart tugged. She’d heard promises like that before, unsolicited ones. You’ll never notice I was in there.
A few faces floated before her eyes, youngsters all, former students all. And she knew what phrases like that really meant. Could this big, powerful man with all his medals still carry scars like that? After all this time?
But she couldn’t ask.
“Is something wrong?”
His question shook her back to the moment. “No. Really. My mind just wanders sometimes. I think I spend too much time alone.” Her laugh this time carried no mirth, but was more of an apology.
“I’ll just go get some groceries then.”
She shook her head. “It may go against your grain to look for help, but you shouldn’t try to carry groceries home when I can drive you. Just let me get a glass of water, and then I’ll take you.”
For an instant she thought he would argue. Something about him said that he didn’t relinquish autonomy easily, or accept help easily, at least not from virtual strangers. But then he nodded. “Take your time. Obviously I’m in no rush.”
Wow, she thought as she headed toward the kitchen, at this rate they might even start to converse in whole paragraphs. She took her time drinking her water because she heard him climb the stairs again, probably to brush his hair, button his shirt and pull on some shoes.
Sure enough, five minutes later she heard him descend again. She finished her water and went out to the foyer. “Ready?” she asked, though it was clear that he was. His boots had given way to some comfortable and battered deck shoes, and he’d buttoned and brushed.
“If you are,” he replied.
She grabbed her purse and keys, saying, “Let’s go then.”
“You’re sure you don’t mind?”
There it was again, a niggle. A hint. She looked at him, wishing she could just come right out and ask. But that might be a mistake, because he’d probably just get angry at her prying, and rightfully so. He hadn’t poked into her life, so she should give him the same respect.
“I don’t mind at all,” she assured him, and summoned a smile. Aware now of what might lurk in his past, she felt old lessons rising up to guide her. And the thought that she might, through her training, help this man feel a bit more comfortable made her feel better than she had in a long time. She might not be able to teach anymore, but it would be so good to help.
Always assuming, of course, that she wasn’t totally wrong about him.
The drive to the store was silent, but she was getting used to that with him, and didn’t feel as uncomfortable as she had just yesterday.
When she pulled into a parking slot, though, he spoke. “You don’t have to wait for me,” he said. “If there’s something you need to do.”
She shook her head. “Not a thing. Maybe I’ll check and see if they can give me any extra hours.”
She climbed out and locked the car. Another car pulled in nearby, and the driver, a man, appeared to be fussing through some papers. Probably lost his shopping list, Cory thought with a small sense of amusement.
Wade waited for her, then walked beside her across the parking lot, measuring his stride to hers.
“You work here?” he asked.
“Yes.” Then she volunteered, “We all had our hours cut back a couple of weeks ago.”
“That hurts. No wonder you need a roomer. How’s Marsha managing?”
“Somewhat better. She gets an alimony check.”
He paused just after they stepped through the automatic doors and looked at her. “Then her ex knows where she is.”
“Theoretically not. The court sends the checks and is supposed to keep her address private.”
He nodded. “Good thing.”
She headed for the manager’s office at the customer service desk while he got a cart and started down the aisles. Interesting that he’d expressed concern for Marsha, she thought. Apparently a real heart beat behind the stone.
The manager, Betsy Sorens, greeted her with her usual wide smile. “Sorry, Cory. No extra hours. Not yet anyway. You’re at the top of my list though when we can start adding them.”
Cory felt almost embarrassed. “Why should I be at the top of the list? That doesn’t seem right, Betsy. So many others need hours, too.”
“We all need hours, some more than the rest. You’re self-supporting. A lot of the other employees have other sources of income.”
Cory felt her cheeks color a bit. “Still …”
Betsy shook her head. “You’re a good employee. If I can do a little something for you, I will.”
A customer came then with a complaint, so Cory smiled, waved and left. Wandering around the store with nothing to buy and nothing to do felt odd. Almost without thinking, she paused occasionally to straighten the stock on the shelves.
She hated to have time hanging on her hands, and she’d certainly had too much of that in the past year. She’d once been busy almost every second of the day, between Jim and her job. Now she had endless hours of free time, and that meant too many hours to think.
Hours to think about the past, about that phone call yesterday, hours to let her fear and anxiety build when there was no real reason for it. Certainly they would have found her by now if they were going to.
She met Wade in one of the aisles and glanced into his cart. There wasn’t much there yet.
“Having trouble?” she asked.
One corner of his mouth lifted. “You might say that.”
“What’s wrong?”
“I’ve been mostly eating in mess halls or eating out of boxes for years. I know the basics about cooking, but shopping for one person isn’t as easy as I thought.”
That was a whole lot of syllables, she thought, and for some reason that made her smile. “I have an idea.”
“What’s that?”
“I hate cooking just for myself. Why don’t we take turns cooking for each other?” she suggested.
“Are you sure? You could be taking an awful gamble.”
“On your cooking?”
“What else would I mean?” he asked.
“I’m willing to take it. And if it doesn’t work out, well, I could teach you to cook. Or you could just let me do it.”
He shook his head. “No way am I going to let you cook for me every night. That wasn’t part of the deal.”
She could almost see him closing down again, as if the idea that he might lean on her concerned him. “Okay then, cooking lessons if you need them.”
That seemed to satisfy him. Armed with the idea that they’d take turns cooking seemed to loosen him up though. He started tossing more items into the cart.
“I should go buy some more groceries,” she said suddenly. “I just realized, I only bought enough for myself for a couple of days.”
“Let me,” he said. “It’ll cover the cooking lessons I’ll probably need.”
She opened her mouth to argue, but then shut it. This man absolutely needed to feel as if he wasn’t a burden. That much was clear to her so she endured it as he spent money on foods she would have ignored because of the price.
But the thought of cooking some of the dishes she had once loved to cook and eat soon had her thinking of ingredients she should buy.
“I don’t know what’s needed to cook some of this stuff,” Wade said. “Grab whatever you need.” It was enough to get her going.
Along the way she saw the man from the parking lot again. He was pushing a cart and carrying a piece of paper, and nodded when he saw her. She managed to smile back. Evidently he’d found his list.
Before they even reached the checkout, two more people had smiled and nodded at her. She was used to that when she was working and in uniform, but for the first time it struck her that folks around here might be friendly as a matter of course. Maybe she ought to make a bigger effort.
By the time they left the store with another four bags of groceries, she was looking forward to dinner.
And how long had it been since she’d last felt that way? No, she wasn’t going there, not when she was actually feeling good, feeling almost normal, for the first time in a year. There was absolutely nothing wrong with feeling good, she reminded herself. Nothing at all. Jim wouldn’t have wanted her to become the woman she had been during the past year.
The shadow that hovered over all her days tried to return when she had to deal with the alarm, but she refused to let it. No more of that, she told herself, as if something as simple as a command to herself could change her entire outlook and banish the fear that never quite deserted her.
But at least she was making an effort, and when she looked over the past day, she felt glad those kids had made that stupid call. Yes, it had thrown her into a tizzy, and yes, it had upset Marsha just as much, but in the course of reacting to it, she had helped Marsha a little bit. Now she could at least help Wade learn to cook.
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