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My Name Is X and I Am a Cumberbitch
HarperCollins
Copyright (#u5c67c3a4-5c70-5faf-a6f5-4fff24228a3f)
HarperCollinsPublishers 1 London Bridge Street London SE1 9GF
www.harpercollins.co.uk (http://www.harpercollins.co.uk)
First published by HarperCollinsPublishers 2015
FIRST EDITION
Emily Barrett 2015
Illustrations Alexei Penfold 2015 Cover layout design HarperCollinsPublishers Ltd 2015 Front cover photograph Shutterstock.com
A catalogue record of this book is available from the British Library
Emily Barrett asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work
All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the nonexclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins e-books.
Find out about HarperCollins and the environment at www.harpercollins.co.uk/green (http://www.harpercollins.co.uk/green)
Source ISBN: 9780008149338
Ebook Edition November 2015 ISBN: 9780008149345 Version: 2015-10-05
Cumberbitch
Variations: Cumbercookies; Cumberologists; Cumberbabes; Cumbercollective
Someone afflicted with an appreciation of the actor Benedict Cumberbatch and his many wonders (artistic talent, chiselled cheekbones, twinkling eyes, etc.) to such an extent that any task not involving him becomes laborious
e.g. I physically cannot leave my house today because I am a Cumberbitch, and Sherlock series 13 is playing back-to-back on TV
A savvy and sensible person
e.g. S/he clearly knows a thing or two; s/hes a Cumberbitch
For the poor, unsuspecting souls whove yet to lay eyes on the subject of this book, and are therefore unaware of what lies in store for them once they do.
Contents
Cover (#ub7ed3e46-2ab1-51aa-aa35-21eaa9df78fd)
Title page (#u1d01e0f4-593d-5034-9b8c-a025471bd607)
Copyright
Well, hello there, fellow Cumberlover
So you think youre a Cumberbitch?
Part 1: Diagnosis (#ulink_4f85b2bb-ceb6-5de8-8ecb-f39a891de260)
The Cumberbatch Quiz (#ulink_b2fca6e0-83d6-5d1b-9872-cac4efd21672)
The Cumberbatch Quiz: Answers (#litres_trial_promo)
The Cumberscale (#litres_trial_promo)
So youre definitely a Cumberbitch
Part 2: Cure (#litres_trial_promo)
The Five-Point Plan to Dis-Batch Your Ben-Addiction (#litres_trial_promo)
#1 Recognise the Danger Zones (#litres_trial_promo)
#2 Bite-Sized Benedict (#litres_trial_promo)
#3 Name Association (#litres_trial_promo)
#4 A Benedict by Any Other Name (#litres_trial_promo)
#5 Go to the Source (#litres_trial_promo)
So youre done with being a Cumberbitch!
Part 3: The New You (maybe) (#litres_trial_promo)
The Cumberbitch Test (#litres_trial_promo)
Outcome (#litres_trial_promo)
Acknowledgements
Final Thought
About the publisher
Well, hello there, fellow Cumberlover (#u5c67c3a4-5c70-5faf-a6f5-4fff24228a3f)
1976 will go down in history for many a reason. It was the year Steve Jobs formed Apple Computers, Inc. It was the year someone tried to kill Bob Marley. The UKs Save Your Kisses for Me unsurprisingly won top gong at the Eurovision Song Contest and somewhere in Canada the Olympics happened.
But most importantly, it was the year Benedict Cumberbatch was born on 19 July, in a rather posh part of London, to parents Timothy and Wanda (better known as Mr and Mrs Holmes in series three of Sherlock). Ever since that fateful Monday, we, the common populace, have been blessed with his award-winning films, cracking TV shows, GIFs of his funniest facial expressions and memes of his photobombing prowess. In short, his contribution to modern-day life has been wonderful
With the sweet comes the sour.
Weekends lost to YouTubing interview clips and compilations of his funniest sound bites. Days fallen prey to box sets and feeling unsatisfied with people who have fewer than six syllables in their name. Hours wasted fantasising about accidentally bumping into him with a skinny cappuccino and what would inevitably happen next. The emotional hangover of what that would do to Mrs Cumberbatch if she ever found out followed by not feeling guilty at all and hence having to recognise that youre a bad person because of it. Its all right. Weve all been there.
Some day you might want to use such productivity and emotional investment elsewhere. School, work, family, travel things a Ben-addiction can get in the way of. If youve reached this point then what good timing! You are in the right place! Have a quick google to ascertain what BCs favourite drink is, then make one, settle down into an armchair of your choice and begin.
First, well run a quick diagnostic check to see if youre in need of our services. Dont panic, its nothing strenuous, just a quick quiz so we can get a reading on our Cumberometer. If after this it seems youre in need of some rehab, well run you through our five simple dis-Batch-ing methods. We cant guarantee anything, but were sure well have you back to life BC (Before Cumberbatch) in no time.
The further you get away from yourself, the more challenging it is. Not to be in your comfort zone is great fun.
Benedict Cumberbatch* (#ulink_1b674d38-98ab-52fa-84ee-e3dd3207bc10)
* (#ulink_47a58bd7-9645-55c4-bb19-696619cc5b44)Some may argue that its counterproductive to quote from Mr C, but we cant help it that hes a notable source of wisdom in the world today.
(#u5c67c3a4-5c70-5faf-a6f5-4fff24228a3f)
Youve watched every episode of Sherlock twice and youve set up an alert on your phone for relevant Benedict BuzzFeed articles.
But that doesnt necessarily spell trouble; Sherlock is a highly rated, award-winning show after all, and setting up internet alerts demonstrates efficiency and a desire to stay on trend (one hopes ...).
Therefore, to determine where you are on the fan spectrum, weve devised a handy questionnaire for you to complete. Now you can find out once and for all whether youre simply a Cumberbatch admirer, or if youve trespassed into C-word territory.
The Cumberbatch Quiz (#ulink_34e0e9c5-c757-5fc6-92af-e3b1a032459c)
Do You...
1. Know the name of Mrs Benedict Cumberbatch?
2. Know which film he starred in as Julian Assange?
3. Know which recently reburied King of England hes distantly related to?
4. Know how he formally announced his engagement?
5. Know how he says the word penguin?
6. Know what he was wearing on his lower half (behave) when he collected his 2014 UK National Television Award?
7. Know what his natural hair colour is?
8. Know which of the Marvel Comics characters hes playing?
9. Understand what heterochromia iridis of the eyes means (because he has it)?
10. Now find dragons strangely attractive?
1 point for every correct answer
Tap here for the answers (#litres_trial_promo)
Can You...
1. Name the 2007 film he starred in as Paul Marshall?
2. Guess his middle names?
.
.
, (https://www.litres.ru/litagent-harpercollins/my-name-is-x-and-i-am-a-cumberbitch/) .
Visa, MasterCard, Maestro, , , , PayPal, WebMoney, ., QIWI , .
HarperCollins
Copyright (#u5c67c3a4-5c70-5faf-a6f5-4fff24228a3f)
HarperCollinsPublishers 1 London Bridge Street London SE1 9GF
www.harpercollins.co.uk (http://www.harpercollins.co.uk)
First published by HarperCollinsPublishers 2015
FIRST EDITION
Emily Barrett 2015
Illustrations Alexei Penfold 2015 Cover layout design HarperCollinsPublishers Ltd 2015 Front cover photograph Shutterstock.com
A catalogue record of this book is available from the British Library
Emily Barrett asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work
All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the nonexclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins e-books.
Find out about HarperCollins and the environment at www.harpercollins.co.uk/green (http://www.harpercollins.co.uk/green)
Source ISBN: 9780008149338
Ebook Edition November 2015 ISBN: 9780008149345 Version: 2015-10-05
Cumberbitch
Variations: Cumbercookies; Cumberologists; Cumberbabes; Cumbercollective
Someone afflicted with an appreciation of the actor Benedict Cumberbatch and his many wonders (artistic talent, chiselled cheekbones, twinkling eyes, etc.) to such an extent that any task not involving him becomes laborious
e.g. I physically cannot leave my house today because I am a Cumberbitch, and Sherlock series 13 is playing back-to-back on TV
A savvy and sensible person
e.g. S/he clearly knows a thing or two; s/hes a Cumberbitch
For the poor, unsuspecting souls whove yet to lay eyes on the subject of this book, and are therefore unaware of what lies in store for them once they do.
Contents
Cover (#ub7ed3e46-2ab1-51aa-aa35-21eaa9df78fd)
Title page (#u1d01e0f4-593d-5034-9b8c-a025471bd607)
Copyright
Well, hello there, fellow Cumberlover
So you think youre a Cumberbitch?
Part 1: Diagnosis (#ulink_4f85b2bb-ceb6-5de8-8ecb-f39a891de260)
The Cumberbatch Quiz (#ulink_b2fca6e0-83d6-5d1b-9872-cac4efd21672)
The Cumberbatch Quiz: Answers (#litres_trial_promo)
The Cumberscale (#litres_trial_promo)
So youre definitely a Cumberbitch
Part 2: Cure (#litres_trial_promo)
The Five-Point Plan to Dis-Batch Your Ben-Addiction (#litres_trial_promo)
#1 Recognise the Danger Zones (#litres_trial_promo)
#2 Bite-Sized Benedict (#litres_trial_promo)
#3 Name Association (#litres_trial_promo)
#4 A Benedict by Any Other Name (#litres_trial_promo)
#5 Go to the Source (#litres_trial_promo)
So youre done with being a Cumberbitch!
Part 3: The New You (maybe) (#litres_trial_promo)
The Cumberbitch Test (#litres_trial_promo)
Outcome (#litres_trial_promo)
Acknowledgements
Final Thought
About the publisher
Well, hello there, fellow Cumberlover (#u5c67c3a4-5c70-5faf-a6f5-4fff24228a3f)
1976 will go down in history for many a reason. It was the year Steve Jobs formed Apple Computers, Inc. It was the year someone tried to kill Bob Marley. The UKs Save Your Kisses for Me unsurprisingly won top gong at the Eurovision Song Contest and somewhere in Canada the Olympics happened.
But most importantly, it was the year Benedict Cumberbatch was born on 19 July, in a rather posh part of London, to parents Timothy and Wanda (better known as Mr and Mrs Holmes in series three of Sherlock). Ever since that fateful Monday, we, the common populace, have been blessed with his award-winning films, cracking TV shows, GIFs of his funniest facial expressions and memes of his photobombing prowess. In short, his contribution to modern-day life has been wonderful
With the sweet comes the sour.
Weekends lost to YouTubing interview clips and compilations of his funniest sound bites. Days fallen prey to box sets and feeling unsatisfied with people who have fewer than six syllables in their name. Hours wasted fantasising about accidentally bumping into him with a skinny cappuccino and what would inevitably happen next. The emotional hangover of what that would do to Mrs Cumberbatch if she ever found out followed by not feeling guilty at all and hence having to recognise that youre a bad person because of it. Its all right. Weve all been there.
Some day you might want to use such productivity and emotional investment elsewhere. School, work, family, travel things a Ben-addiction can get in the way of. If youve reached this point then what good timing! You are in the right place! Have a quick google to ascertain what BCs favourite drink is, then make one, settle down into an armchair of your choice and begin.
First, well run a quick diagnostic check to see if youre in need of our services. Dont panic, its nothing strenuous, just a quick quiz so we can get a reading on our Cumberometer. If after this it seems youre in need of some rehab, well run you through our five simple dis-Batch-ing methods. We cant guarantee anything, but were sure well have you back to life BC (Before Cumberbatch) in no time.
The further you get away from yourself, the more challenging it is. Not to be in your comfort zone is great fun.
Benedict Cumberbatch* (#ulink_1b674d38-98ab-52fa-84ee-e3dd3207bc10)
* (#ulink_47a58bd7-9645-55c4-bb19-696619cc5b44)Some may argue that its counterproductive to quote from Mr C, but we cant help it that hes a notable source of wisdom in the world today.
(#u5c67c3a4-5c70-5faf-a6f5-4fff24228a3f)
Youve watched every episode of Sherlock twice and youve set up an alert on your phone for relevant Benedict BuzzFeed articles.
But that doesnt necessarily spell trouble; Sherlock is a highly rated, award-winning show after all, and setting up internet alerts demonstrates efficiency and a desire to stay on trend (one hopes ...).
Therefore, to determine where you are on the fan spectrum, weve devised a handy questionnaire for you to complete. Now you can find out once and for all whether youre simply a Cumberbatch admirer, or if youve trespassed into C-word territory.
The Cumberbatch Quiz (#ulink_34e0e9c5-c757-5fc6-92af-e3b1a032459c)
Do You...
1. Know the name of Mrs Benedict Cumberbatch?
2. Know which film he starred in as Julian Assange?
3. Know which recently reburied King of England hes distantly related to?
4. Know how he formally announced his engagement?
5. Know how he says the word penguin?
6. Know what he was wearing on his lower half (behave) when he collected his 2014 UK National Television Award?
7. Know what his natural hair colour is?
8. Know which of the Marvel Comics characters hes playing?
9. Understand what heterochromia iridis of the eyes means (because he has it)?
10. Now find dragons strangely attractive?
1 point for every correct answer
Tap here for the answers (#litres_trial_promo)
Can You...
1. Name the 2007 film he starred in as Paul Marshall?
2. Guess his middle names?
.
.
, (https://www.litres.ru/litagent-harpercollins/my-name-is-x-and-i-am-a-cumberbitch/) .
Visa, MasterCard, Maestro, , , , PayPal, WebMoney, ., QIWI , .