Geek Drama
Holly Smale
“My name is Harriet Manners, and I am a geek.”A brand new World Book Day story from the no. 1 bestselling and award-winning GEEK GIRL series!Harriet Manners knows that the hottest observed place on earth is Furnace Creek in Death Valley.She knows that dolphins shed the top layer of their skin every two hours.And she knows just how badly auditions can go, especially when you’re a model.But she has no idea how to get herself out of the extreme embarrassment of the school play or what to do when arch-nemesis Alexa decides it’s the perfect opportunity to humiliate her…Can GEEK GIRL survive the bright lights of the stage?A hilarious World Book Day GEEK GIRL novella by award-winning, bestselling author Holly Smale.
Copyright (#ud7a6672f-f149-5042-b3df-0216ebceff43)
First published in Great Britain by HarperCollins Children’s Books 2015
HarperCollins Children’s Books is a division of HarperCollins Publishers Ltd,
HarperCollins Publishers
1 London Bridge Street
London SE1 9GF
The HarperCollins Children’s Books website address is
www.harpercollins.co.uk (http://www.harpercollins.co.uk)
Geek Girl: Geek Drama
Copyright © Holly Smale 2015
Cover design © HarperCollinsPublishers 2015
Cover photographs © Shutterstock.com (http://www.Shutterstock.com)
Cover typography © Mary Kate McDevitt
Holly Smale asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work.
All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, down-loaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins.
Source ISBN: 9780008120306
Ebook Edition © 2015 ISBN: 9780008135003
Version: 2015-02-17
Praise for Holly Smale (#ud7a6672f-f149-5042-b3df-0216ebceff43)
Geek Girl
“A smart, sassy and very funny debut” The Bookseller
“Funny, original and this year’s must-read for teenage girls” Sun
“A feel-good satisfying gem that will have teens smiling from cover to cover, and walking a little taller after reading” Books for Keeps
“Smart, sassy and feel-good fun” tBK MAG
Geek Girl: Model Misfit
“Holly Smale’s sideways glance at everything is relentlessly entertaining” Books for Keeps
Geek Girl: Picture Perfect
“Hilarious” The Guardian
Contents
Cover (#u638e6657-7070-5e7d-9e9f-2c312cb58719)
Title Page (#u75fe5324-e462-51ea-a1bc-51561c15af48)
Copyright
Praise for Holly Smale
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Chapter 27
Chapter 28
Chapter 29
Chapter 30
Chapter 31
Chapter 32
About the Author
Also by Holly Smale
About the Publisher
Drama [drah-muh] noun
1 A composition in prose or verse presenting in dialogue or pantomime a story involving conflict or contrast of character, especially one intended to be acted on the stage; a play.
2 The branch of literature having such compositions as its subject; dramatic art or representation.
3 Any situation or series of events having vivid, emotional, conflicting or striking interest or results.
4 The quality of being dramatic.
ORIGIN 1510s, from Greek dran, meaning ‘to do, act or perform’.
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y name is Harriet Manners, and I am an idiot.
I know I’m an idiot because:
1. One half of me is inside a cupboard, and the other is not.
2. I can’t move more than two centimetres either backwards or forwards.
3. My feet aren’t touching the ground.
4. The shelf I used to climb up to this windowsill collapsed at least forty minutes ago.
5. I keep saying, “Help, help, I’m stuck,” even though nobody can hear me.
Clearly my spatial awareness is every bit as terrible as my dance teacher said it was after the Year 10 performance where I accidentally kicked another student in the face during an enthusiastic but badly executed can-can.
I don’t fit through this window.
At all.
Frankly, the fact that I even thought I might is a cause for serious concern. Recent studies have revealed that domesticated chickens have finely honed sensory capacities and an ability to think, draw inferences, apply logic and plan ahead in more advanced ways than those of a young child.
So, as I’ve been wedged firmly into the semi-open window of a cleaning cupboard in Infinity Models for forty minutes now, I can’t help thinking something, somewhere has gone very badly wrong.
It doesn’t say much for your IQ levels when you’re a fifteen-year-old girl with less common sense than poultry.
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nyway, as it looks like I might be here for some time, I might as well tell you how I got here, right?
That’s what you want to know.
How a person with over 6,000 days of life experience and an IQ of 135 ended up stuck in a hole like Pooh Bear after a particularly enthusiastic honey session.
And, frankly, I don’t blame you.
I’m still kind of trying to work that out myself.
Two hours ago, I was exactly where I was supposed to be: waiting quietly in the reception of Infinity Models.
“Hello,” I said as I approached the front desk and tugged at the too-long arms of my stripy jumper. “I’m Harriet Manners. It’s nice to meet you. I’m here for a casting.”
There was a silence.
“For Brink magazine.”
Another silence.
“I’m an … erm … model?” I cleared my throat. “A fashion one.” In case they thought I meant a small paper aeroplane.
Then I held out my hand.
I’ve only been in the modelling industry for three months and last time I did this the receptionist assumed I was the work-experience girl. I’d made twelve coffees, six teas and some headway into cleaning the floor of the photocopying room before anybody had ascertained otherwise.
This time, she didn’t even look up.
“Just take a seat, yeah?” she said, waving her hand at the room. I could see from the reflection in the window that she was on a social-networking site.
“Oooh,” I said enthusiastically, leaning forwards. “Did you know that particular website contains 140 billion photos, which is four per cent of the number of photos ever taken?”
She looked up and scowled. “Excuse me?”
“And you’ve spelt depressing wrong,” I said helpfully, pointing at her status update. “This job is so depressing. It only has one p. You’ve got two.”
She quickly closed the screen and glared at me.
“I think I’ll sit down now,” I said, flushing. She was still glaring. “I’ll be just over here if you need any more help.”
Maybe I shouldn’t have convinced Dad to let me do this casting alone after all. It was looking like I’d need armed protection.
I abruptly took a seat in between a beautiful, tanned brunette girl with cropped hair and a blonde with incredibly pale skin and black eyebrows. Then I gripped my hands together tightly so nobody would see they were starting to get clammy.
I hadn’t learnt much about fashion, but I knew you had to pretend you belonged there or somebody would immediately realise you didn’t and throw you back out again.
So I plastered on my brightest smile.
“Hello,” I said. “I’m Harriet Manners. Are you both here to see Brink too?”
“Uh-huh.” The blonde looked me up and down. “What are you wearing?”
I looked down in confusion. Just how literal did she want me to be?
“A striped jumper,” I said anxiously. “And a pair of striped leggings.” I paused. “And underwear, obviously, and two socks. And green trainers.”
“Uh-huh,” she said again.
Quick, Harriet. Change the subject.
“Is that you?” I said, pointing at the open folder in the brunette’s lap. There was a stunning black and white photo of a very beautiful girl in a bikini, with an enormous cat wrapped around her neck.
She lifted her chin slightly. “Obviously.”
“Cats are so interesting, aren’t they? Apparently they have a brain the same size as a great white shark’s, and jaws with the same strength as a Komodo dragon.”
Yup. It’s this kind of conversational dynamite that makes not many people want to sit next to me at lunchtime.
The brunette looked at me, and I was saved from my third “uh-huh” by a door swinging abruptly open.
“Baby-baby koala!” my agent, Wilbur, shouted, holding his hands out wide so that the pink sequinned poncho he was wearing made him look like some kind of disco bat. “Come and give me a big cuddle! Not literally, obviously. This is Versace,” he said, indicating his outfit, “and it would totally crush my sparkles.”
“Hi, Wilbur,” I mumbled as he dragged me off my seat and started trying to spin me around in circles as if we were at some kind of shiny country dance.
“Munchkin, I’m so glad you’re here. This photographer is just a desperationist to see you.”
I flushed with surprise. “Really?”
“For shizzlenizzle,” he said, holding me at arm’s length. “They love themselves a good bit of ginger frog now and then. And, oh my holy chicken-unicorns, what are you wearing?”
I grimaced. “It was the first thing that fell out of my wardrobe. Sorry.”
“Genius! I’ve always wondered what a human zebra would look like, and now I know!” Wilbur gave me an air-kiss. “We’ll be ready for you in four minutes, bunnycakes. Frankly, everyone else might as well go home now. Brink are absolutely set on you, my little peach drop. The job is pretty much yours.”
And then my agent spread his glittery pink wings and disappeared as loudly as he’d arrived.
Slowly, I turned to look at the models sitting behind me.
I read somewhere that ants can survive in a microwave because they are small enough to dodge the rays that would kill them.
Judging from the expressions on these models’ faces now, my two options were either to turn into an ant or to spin slowly in circles before finally exploding.
“Umm,” I said nervously as the glares intensified. “Have you met Wilbur before?”
“He’s our agent too,” the blonde model said tightly. “Believe it or not.”
“Ah. Right.” I coughed and looked desperately at the receptionist. “Is there … umm … perhaps a bathroom I could use?”
“It’s down the stairs, out in the corridor,” the receptionist said, pointing with lowered eyelids. “Corridor. Spelt c-o-r-r-i-d-o-r.”
I flushed a bit harder.
“Thanks.”
Then I disappeared out on to the stairs as quickly as my zebra legs would carry me.
After all, a lot of things can happen in four minutes.
In four minutes, lightning strikes the earth an average of 14,400 times. In four minutes, there are twenty earthquakes and 482,692 pounds of edible food is thrown away in the United States.
Every four minutes, 418 people around the world die.
And, if I stayed in the same place, it was starting to look increasingly likely that I would be one of them.
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uffice to say, I locked the bathroom door behind me.
I then spent the next four minutes doing the following:
1. Prodding a painful spot on my cheek.
2. Washing the nervous sweat off my hands.
3. Realising that prodding a spot with sweaty hands was probably part of the problem.
4. Making goldfish faces at myself in the mirror.
5. Drying my hands on toilet paper because scientists have proven that hand dryers actually increase the bacteria levels on your hands by 255 per cent.
Finally, I glanced at my watch, tried to flatten my frizzy hair by smacking it against the sides of my head and then started slowly making my way back out into the hallway.
Where I abruptly stopped.
Both the blonde girl and the brunette were standing in the corridor, leaning against the wall.
“Umm, hello?”
“We’ve been sent down to the Brink casting early,” the blonde said, shrugging and pointing at a black door at the bottom of the stairs. “The receptionist wanted to make a private phone call.”
I stared at the door in surprise.
“It’s down there?” I’d only been to a handful of castings in my entire life, and they’d all been held in the back room of the agency upstairs. “Really?”
“Awwww, you haven’t been modelling very long, have you?” the brunette said, tilting her head sympathetically.
“N-n-no,” I admitted, feeling my cheeks get slightly red. Sugar cookies. How could they tell?
They both smiled.
“Well, Infinity always put their most important clients downstairs. This is their biggest room, it has the best lighting, and there’s a certain … What would you call it …?”
“Fragrance.” The blonde picked an invisible bit of fluff off her skinny jeans, then began strutting down the stairs with the brunette following her.
“Yeah. Fragrance.”
“Oh.” You see? This was exactly the kind of thing I’d know if I hadn’t annoyed the receptionist so quickly. “Thanks for letting me know.”
I walked down the stairs and stood awkwardly next to them.
“Erm,” I said after a few seconds of even more awkward silence. “I’m really sorry about what Wilbur said. Don’t worry, I’m not very good at this. As soon as Brink meet me they’ll change their minds and pick one of you instead.”
The models shrugged in unison.
I beamed at them. “So maybe we could start afresh?”
Oh yes, I thought with an excited lurch: this could be it. I could make friends with two beautiful models and join their modelling gang. We would become inseparable, and all our fashion adventures henceforth would be conducted as some kind of triumvirate: like in Harry Potter, but a fashion version.
I’m freckly and ginger, so I’d be Ron Weasley, obviously.
“You know what?” said the blonde, laughing.
I laughed. This was going so well already. We already had our own little in-jokes, even if I didn’t really understand them. “What?”
“I reckon this is the perfect place to start afresh. You’ll be so clean you won’t know what to do with yourself.”
And as my arms got grabbed and I found myself flung into a cleaning cupboard, all I could think was: a person who believes anything they’re told is called a gobemouche.
Sounds about right.
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o that’s where I am now.
Not just locked in a cupboard with no working light bulb, no phone reception and the intense smell of an abandoned swimming pool, but halfway through a window.
It became clear after about twenty minutes that I don’t like small, confined spaces and I am nowhere near as nimble or as athletic as I’d like to be.
And that it was quite unlikely anybody would be desperately looking for me.
Because that’s what happens when you correct other people’s spelling: they don’t tend to spend much time trying to see you again.
On the upside, I haven’t been entirely unproductive. In fact, in the last forty minutes I have managed to:
1. Complete sixteen games of noughts and crosses in the dust on the window ledge.
2. Study a pigeon in the alleyway.
3. Recite the periodic table backwards, forwards and then inside out.
4. Sing my favourite songs from at least seven Disney movies.
I’m just pondering if the eighth should be Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious or A Whole New World when I hear the door open behind me.
“Oh, thank sugar cookies,” I breathe in relief, wiggling my toes slightly. “I’m so sorry, Wilbur. I’m such a gullible idiot.”
Two hands gently grab my waist.
“You know what’s ironic?” I say as my jeans belt is unhooked from where it’s twisted round the window catch and I’m lowered softly to the ground. “I’ve never seen anywhere quite as dirty as this place purporting to clean things.”
There’s a warm laugh, and my toes immediately stop wiggling.
The hottest observed place on earth is Furnace Creek in Death Valley: in 1913 it measured 56.7 degrees Celsius, or 134 degrees Fahrenheit. They might have to recalculate that because right now my cheeks are giving the Californian desert a run for its money.
I spin around slowly and stare into the dark, slanted eyes of the most beautiful boy I have ever seen. His hair is huge and black and curly, his skin is the colour of coffee, his bottom lip is slightly too large and his nose turns up at the end like a ski-slope. The corner of his mouth is twisted up a little, and I happen to know that when he smiles it breaks his whole face in two and the insides of everyone in a ten-mile radius simultaneously.
Of all the people I wanted to see me with my bottom stuck halfway through a window, the only boy I’ve ever kissed was pretty much at the end of the list.
Him and whoever hands out the Nobel prizes, you know.
Just in case.
“Umm, hello Nick,” I say coolly, sticking my chin in the air as regally as I can. He smells green, even in a cupboard full of bleach.
“Hi Harriet. Were you under the impression that you’ve recently turned into a cat?”
It’s dark in here, but not quite dark enough: I can still see the end of his nose twitching in amusement.
“Of course not.” I try to lift my chin a little bit more. “I was just … umm …” What? What am I doing in a cupboard? “Keen to see as many elements of the fashion industry as possible. It’s important to get a really rounded view of modelling. From, you know, different angles.”
I clear my throat.
“Uh-huh,” he says, except this is nothing like the uh-huh the models gave me an hour ago. It’s a warm uh-huh. An amused uh-huh. An I inexplicably understand what happened without being told and I don’t think any less of you for it uh-huh.
“Umm.” I swallow. “What are you doing here?”
He grins and takes a step towards me. “I had to pick up a Versace contract from Wilbur, and he told me you’d gone missing. He’s checking under all the tables in the building, and I’m doing all the cupboards.”
My cheeks get steadily hotter.
Just because the first time I ever met Nick Hidaka I was hiding under a table doesn’t mean I’m always under one. I’ve seen him several times outside of furniture too.
His memory is very selective.
We stare each other out for a few seconds.
Clearly the only way to get out of this predicament in style is to stalk out of the cupboard. To stick my nose in the air, be dignified, and charge out in an adult, sophisticated kind of—
A bubble of embarrassed laughter pops out of my mouth.
Nope, that wasn’t it, was it?
“I’m a ninny, aren’t I?” I say, twisting my mouth and staring at the floor.
“A little bit,” Nick laughs in his warm Australian twang.
“I try really hard but I’m not entirely sure I can help it,” I admit. “It seems to be inbuilt.”
Nick puts a hand under my chin and gently tilts my head back up so I’m looking at him again. “Luckily, I have a soft spot for ninnies. Especially the kind that can recite the periodic table backwards.”
And as the boy I like best in the world leans down to kiss me, suddenly a cupboard doesn’t seem like the worst place in the world to be stuck in after all.
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adly, we don’t get to stay in there.
I pitch for it quite hard. I suggest a cupboard picnic: I’m pretty sure I have a few bits of broken chocolate bar at the bottom of my satchel and, if I rummage hard enough, half a cheese and onion sandwich we can split in two.
Basically anything that will prolong my time in what now magically appear to be incredibly romantic surroundings.
Unfortunately, Nick has other ideas.
“Isn’t there somewhere you’re supposed to be?”
“The casting?” I poke my head out of the cupboard and frown. The lights of the corridor upstairs have all been turned off. “I think everyone’s gone now. It doesn’t matter. I wasn’t that bothered anyway.”
I lean up to kiss him again.
“Nope,” Nick laughs, kissing the end of my nose instead. “Not Brink. Somewhere else.”
Sugar cookies. Why does he always remember everything I say? If I didn’t know better, I’d think Nick had my life itinerary bullet pointed and stashed away in his pocket somewhere.
Which is totally the kind of thing I’d do, but I didn’t think it was his style.
“Oh,” I say airily, waving a hand, “I guess I’ve missed it by now. Never mind.”
Nick lifts an eyebrow. “I’m not sure Nat would see it like that.”
Nat.
I’m suddenly flooded with a wave of shame and guilt so intense I almost fall over. Because I’m going to be honest: if there was another bright side to being stuck in a cupboard, it was that I couldn’t be anywhere else.
Somewhere even worse.
I look at the floor. “I suppose I did promise,” I admit in a small voice. “And she is my best friend.”
Only friend.
Now is probably not the time to make that clarification.
“Exactly.” Nick grins and leans towards me. “It’ll be fun. No biggy.”
We all know what he means when he says that, which is: exactly the opposite. I try to look cross, which is almost impossible when you’re being kissed.
“Next you’ll be telling me to break a leg,” I mutter grumpily.
Nick laughs and grabs my hand. “Come on, Table Girl. There’s a train to your school in fifteen minutes. I’ll walk you to the station.”
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up: school.
It’s 6:30pm on a Saturday evening, and I’m now standing back outside the gates of what should really be a closed building. Usually I’d be delighted to be here out of hours, but right now, frankly, there are other places I’d rather be.
Anywhere, actually.
The winds on Neptune reach at least 2,000 kilometres per hour and are capable of ripping a building to shreds. After a bit of consideration, I’d probably choose to hang out there instead.
“Where have you been?” Nat charges towards me like Boudicca on the back of a chariot: perfectly straightened hair flying, perfectly lined eyes narrowed and what I guess is an expensive silver handbag wielded like some kind of boxy shield. “I’ve been calling for hours and left a billion messages and—” She frowns and looks down. “Harriet, why do you have a ring of dirt around your waist?”
I tug at my stripy jumper. I now look like a grubby human version of Saturn. “I’m so sorry I’m late.”
My best friend takes a deep breath and then lets it out with one smooth hand gesture, like a composer about to conduct an orchestra. “It’s OK. There’s still time.”
Sugar cookies. There was still a tiny bit of me hoping I’d managed to totally miss the whole thing.
The horrible, selfish, terrible-friend part, obviously.
Break a leg.
Oooh. That’s quite a good idea. If I can just find a few stairs to fall down, I might be able to—
“Don’t even think about it,” Nat snaps as I start frantically searching the school corridors for some kind of stepped elevation. “I mean it, Harriet. Don’t even think about thinking about it. You’re auditioning for Hamlet with me if I have to wheel you up there in a shopping trolley.”
Every now and then I wish I didn’t have a best friend who knows me inside and out.
Now is definitely one of those times.
“But you don’t even like Shakespeare, Nat,” I point out. I’m going to give it one last shot. “You use JuliusCaesar to prop up your magnifying mirror.”
Nat pulls a face, and I suddenly realise how nervous she is. There’s a pink flush on her neck and she’s nibbled off all but one varnished nail: her stomach must be full of tiny bits of blue enamel.
Nat sticks her thumb in her mouth and starts attacking the final nail. “This is my last chance, Harriet. If I can’t be a model then an actress is the next best thing, right? Maybe I can get some kind of lipstick campaign this way instead.”
I flinch.
This is exactly why I agreed to audition with her in the first place. Three months ago, I accidentally stole my best friend’s lifelong dream of modelling while on a school trip in Birmingham. The least I can do is support her while she tries to find a different one.
I just wish she’d picked astrophysics. Or gardening.
“Please?” Nat adds in a tiny voice. “I think I might really enjoy it.”
She gives me the round-eyed look I’ve been a sucker for since we were five, and I rally and put my arm around her. “You’re going to be amazing, Nat. Let’s do it. I mean, what’s the worst that can happen?”
Then we open the door to the gym and that question is no longer rhetorical.
Apparently dolphins shed the top layer of their skin every two hours, and there’s a chance I may now be turning into one. It feels like every cell on my outer body is falling off far too quickly for a human being.
This can’t be happening. It can’t be.
But it is.
In the gym hall are two chairs featuring Mr Bott, our English teacher, and our drama teacher, Miss Hammond. On a makeshift stage in the middle is a Year 10 boy, attempting some kind of half-hearted backflip. On the floor is what appears to be nearly half of our entire year group, chatting quietly and playing on their phones: all one hundred and fifty of them.
And right at the front, in the middle of a number of her minions, is the person I thought was least likely to turn up for an extracurricular play audition.
My bully of ten years, my nemesis, my arch-enemy, my foe.
The girl in the world who hates me the most.
Alexa.
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eriously.
I’ve turned up for two auditions in the last four hours. Why couldn’t this be the one I got locked in a cupboard for?
Nat’s face has gone so abruptly white that her blusher is standing out like the two pink spots on a Russian doll.
“I don’t understand,” she whispers as we slip in and sit quietly on the floor at the back. “Why is everybody here? I thought it would be just the drama keen-beans.”
And with one swift chew, the last few shreds of blue nail varnish disappear.
“Apparently, if you take part in the play you don’t have to do homework for the entire duration of the rehearsals,” a girl in front of us says, over her shoulder. “Like, any. Not even maths.”
My stomach twists. This is so unfair: I have to do a play and miss homework? It’s my favourite bit about education: you get to do schoolwork without actually being at school.
Then I brighten.
There are approximately eighty girls here and only two female parts in Hamlet: if this many people audition, my chances of getting a role are statistically reduced to almost nothing. All I need to do is stay as quiet as I can and maybe they won’t even notice I’m—
“Harriet!”
I close my eyes momentarily.
“Harriet! Harriet! Harriet Manners!”
Everyone in a fifteen-metre radius stops chatting and spins to look at a cheery figure waving energetically at me. He’s wearing orange trousers and a bright blue T-shirt that says:
NEVER TRUST AN ATOM, THEY MAKE UP EVERYTHING
I give a tiny nod and then curl myself up into a ball and try to disappear into myself like a hedgehog.
It doesn’t work.
“You’re here!” Toby fake-whispers loudly, standing up and starting to pseudo-crouch-step towards me. “I was certain you said you’d be here, but then I was worried if maybe that listening device I set up outside your house wasn’t working properly and I was going to return to the shop and ask for my money back. But technology prevails! You’re actually here!”
Never mind a hedgehog. I’ve now shrunk to the size of a particularly embarrassed woodlouse.
“Hi Toby,” I murmur as my stalker starts charging not very carefully across the people sitting on the floor between us.
“Ow!” somebody mutters as he steps on one of their fingers.
“Oi!” another person snaps as he kicks their bag a few metres across the room.
“Who invited the geeks?”
Toby continues, totally unabashed. “What part are you going to be auditioning for, Harriet?” he says happily, plonking down next to me. “I think you would make an excellent Ophelia, although you might want to rethink because of all the singing. I’ve stood outside your bathroom window in the morning and it is not one of your many profound talents.”
A snigger goes round my immediate vicinity.
There’s a long curtain a few metres away: if only I had more defined stomach muscles I might be able to shimmy behind it like a snake.
“Toby,” I mutter as my cheeks start getting hot, “I don’t think I—”
Toby is waving a piece of paper. “I’ve narrowed down your possible audition speeches to Kate from The Taming of the Shrew, and Lady Macbeth. How good are you at cleaning up blood?”
Half the room is now nudging each other and giggling. My cheeks get a bit hotter as I glance nervously at Alexa at the front. She’s staring blankly at the boy on stage, who is now inexplicably doing some kind of juggling act. “Toby …”
“Or the eponymous Juliet.”
“Toby …”
“Or Desdemona from Othello. The bit where she dies.” He pauses. “Except she sings too. Maybe scrap that one.”
Fifteen more people turn to giggle.
“Or—”
And – just like that – my entire head explodes. “TOBY, PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF SUGAR COOKIES. GO AWAY.”
Then there’s an abrupt silence while the entire room spins to look at us.
Yeah. I don’t think that helped much.
“Harriet Manners.”
Mr Bott is standing at the front of the room with his arms folded and his face creased up like a damp pair of socks.
Oh no. Oh no oh no oh – “Yes?”
“Stand up please.”
I cautiously uncurl myself from the floor and somehow get to my feet. My entire face is now pulsing red like the pause button on our washing machine at home.
Mr Bott’s face gets just a little sock-ier.
“From what I recall, Harriet, this is not the first time you have chosen to disrupt others by shouting. After your last little display, I’m surprised you haven’t learnt your lesson.”
Last term, I accidentally yelled at Toby in the middle of an English class, which led to getting in trouble with Mr Bott, which led to accidentally upsetting Alexa, which led to her forcing everyone to put their hands up to say they hated me.
I’m quite surprised I didn’t learn my lesson too.
Maybe they need to do a class on that instead.
“I’m sorry,” I say in a small voice.
Mr Bott raises his eyebrows. “As you’re obviously so eager to be a pivotal part of this production, why don’t you come up next?”
I look at the stage.
Then at the staring, silent crowd around me. Then at Alexa, who has spun round and narrowed her eyes at me. Then at Toby, who infuriatingly beams and puts both thumbs in the air.
Finally, I look at Nat.
“Please?” she whispers. “I don’t want to do it on my own.”
I think of what happened last time I was on a stage: I accidentally knocked another model to the floor and ruined an entire fashion show.
Then I think of where I’ve been today: at a modelling-agency casting for Brink magazine (or attempting to be, anyway). I think of how much my best friend of a decade would have given to be there instead.
Then I swallow and grab the piece of paper out of Toby’s hand.
“All right,” I say as loudly as I can. “I’ll do it.”
And I make my way up on to the stage.
(#ulink_f2fc8fcb-fc91-5bad-867e-1a70a6e8d55c)
here’s a small fresh-water animal called a hydra that lives in ponds, lakes and streams.
The hydra can be torn completely into pieces, and it’ll still be OK. The bits of it will, cell by cell, creep and crawl towards each other and reassemble, forming a hydra again.
There’s just one condition: some of the brain cells have to remain unharmed throughout. The secret to the hydra’s survival is keeping its head.
Sadly, I am not a hydra.
As soon as I stand on the stage, my brain disintegrates. I know Juliet’s speech by heart – sometimes I recite it in the bath, just for fun – but I’m desperately scanning the script clutched in my sweaty hands because now I can’t remember a single word.
Every time I look at Nat, I know I have to try as hard as I can to get a part in the play. Every time I think about performing in front of the entire school, I know I have to try as hard as I can not to.
And every time I look at Alexa, sitting two metres away with a smug smile, all I want to do is run behind a curtain or down a hole in the floorboards somewhere.
Plus there’s my innate lack of acting talent to contend with. I love Shakespeare, but I appreciate it academically. My artistic abilities are, as ever, non-existent.
So I just have to get this over with as fast as possible before I’m ripped apart.
Sugar cookies. Sugar cookies sugar cookies sugar c—
“O Romeo, Romeo!” I blurt nervously, clutching hard at my chest as if I’m having a small coronary. “Wherefore art thou … umm …” I hold the paper in front of my face. “Sorry, I’ve lost my place.”
“She speaks!” Toby says from the side of the room where he’s edged closer. “Oh, speak again, bright angel!”
The whole room starts sniggering again.
Alexa raises her eyebrows and her smile gets a little cattier.
“Err …” I briefly consider curling up into a ball and rolling off the stage, and then glance at Nat and decide against it. “Deny thy father and refuse thy name; Or, if thou wilt not …”
Alexa rolls her eyes and yawns elaborately.
“… I’ll no longer be a Montague. No, sorry, a Capulet. I’m a Capulet.”
“Shall I hear more, or shall I speak at this?”
“I think you should probably be quiet, Toby,” Miss Hammond says firmly. “Or you’ll be asked to leave the room.”
“But Harriet is the sun,” Toby objects.
“That’s as maybe, but I suggest you enjoy her silently.”
Toby pulls a pretend zip across his mouth and winks at me from the corner of the stage. I’m going to kill him when I get out of here, and not a single jury in the country will convict me, due to the reasonable circumstances.
I take a deep breath.
Keep your head, Harriet.
“TisbutthynamethatismyenemythouartthyselfthoughnotaMontaguewhatsMontagueitisnorhandnorfootnorarmnorfacenoranyotherpartbelongingtoamanobesomeothernamewhatsinanamethatwhichwecallarosebyanyothernamewouldsmellassweetsoromeowouldwerehenotromeocalledretainthatdearperfection—”
“OK,” Mr Bott says, holding up his hand. “I think that will do. Thank you, Harriet. That was … illuminating.”
Alexa starts a slow, sarcastic clap.
“And that will do too, Alexa Roberts,” Mr Bott adds sharply.
“What, sir?” Alexa says innocently. “I was simply showing my enthusiasm for Harriet’s profound and inspiring performance.”
“I find that hard to believe,” my English teacher says fairly. “So let’s move on as fast as possible, shall we? Next.”
(#ulink_19b2955f-9a67-5450-b15d-e509ba699cc5)
he next hour is like watching some kind of terribly amateur circus.
I slink to my position with Nat at the back of the hall and sit as quietly as I can while my cheeks return to their normal colour.
Luckily, there’s plenty to distract me on stage.
There are people doing cartwheels, people singing, people dancing, people pretending to ‘breathe fire’ with a lighter and a small aerosol (they get a detention). Somebody even brought their dog with them, except instead of jumping through a hoop it sits down on the stage and farts resplendently.
All of which would be a lot less surprising if there wasn’t a sign on the door saying:
Finally it’s Nat’s turn. She stands up and smoothes her hair down and I can feel myself starting to get genuinely excited.
Maybe she’s going to be good.
No: maybe she’s going to be great. Maybe this is the amazing future my best friend is destined for, and this will be the moment that changes everything. In ten years’ time I’ll be lying under a parasol by her Hollywood pool, applying SPF 50, because I don’t really have skin that tolerates Californian weather.
“Good luck,” I whisper as she squeezes my hand tightly.
And then – with great poise – Nat walks slowly on to the stage and stands very still for a few seconds, looking at us calmly.
I stare at her in astonishment.
All anxiety, all jitteriness, every bit of nerves has magically disappeared. In their place is total composure and dignity. Tranquility
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