A Cry In The Night
Linda Castillo
Search-and-rescue leader Buzz Malone thought losing the only woman he'd ever loved was the worst blow life could deal. He was wrong. Finding out that he had a son—a son his ex-wife, Kelly, had kept secret—was worse. Especially when that child was lost in the Rocky Mountains, pitted against a raging forest fire.Tirelessly trekking through the mountains with Buzz by her side, Kelly soon realized that the wilderness wasn't the only thing on fire. For the passion that had always flared between them now burned hotter than ever. If they ever made it through this ordeal alive, Kelly vowed to face an even greater challenge—convincing Buzz to give their love another try!
Buzz Malone had been struck by lightning once when he was fifteen years old.
The doctors had said it was a miracle he’d lived.
Buzz wondered what the odds were of a man surviving such an ordeal twice in his lifetime, because he felt as if he’d just been struck again.
He’s your son.
Kelly’s words rang in his ears like a thunderclap. Shocking. Dangerous. Damning. He wanted to deny them, give voice to the outrage inside him. Instead he stared at the woman he’d spent three years loving more than life itself and the last few trying desperately to get out of his system.
Slowly he turned to face her. “You kept my son from me.”
“I never meant to hurt you.”
Buzz didn’t have time to acknowledge the fury burgeoning inside him. Right now, there was a young life at stake. A life he had every intention of saving. His son’s life.
Dear Reader,
Things are cooling down outside—at least here in the Northeast—but inside this month’s six Silhouette Intimate Moments titles the heat is still on high. After too long an absence, bestselling author Dallas Schulze is back to complete her beloved miniseries A FAMILY CIRCLE with Lovers and Other Strangers. Shannon Deveraux has come home to Serenity and lost her heart to travelin’ man Reece Morgan.
Our ROMANCING THE CROWN continuity is almost over, so join award winner Ingrid Weaver in Under the King’s Command. I think you’ll find Navy SEAL hero Sam Coburn irresistible. Ever-exciting Lindsay McKenna concludes her cross-line miniseries, MORGAN’S MERCENARIES: ULTIMATE RESCUE, with Protecting His Own. You’ll be breathless from the first page to the last. Linda Castillo’s A Cry in the Night features another of her “High Country Heroes,” while relative newcomer Catherine Mann presents the second of her WINGMEN WARRIORS, in Taking Cover. Finally, welcome historical author Debra Lee Brown to the line with On Thin Ice, a romantic adventure set against an Alaskan background.
Enjoy them all, and come back again next month, when the roller-coaster ride of love and excitement continues right here in Silhouette Intimate Moments, home of the best romance reading around.
Yours,
Leslie J. Wainger
Executive Senior Editor
A Cry in the Night
Linda Castillo
www.millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk)
LINDA CASTILLO
grew up in a small farming community in western Ohio. She knew from a very early age that she wanted to be a writer—and penned her first novel at the age of thirteen during one of those long Ohio winters. Her dream of becoming a published author came true the day Silhouette called and wanted to buy one of her books!
Romance is at the heart of all her stories. She loves the idea of two fallible people falling in love amid danger and against their better judgment—or so they think. She enjoys watching them struggle through their problems, realize their weaknesses and strengths along the way and, ultimately, fall head over heels in love.
She is the winner of numerous writing awards, including the prestigious Maggie Award for Excellence. In 1999, she was a triple Romance Writers of America Golden Heart finalist and took first place in the romantic suspense division. In 2001, she was an RWA RITA
Award finalist with her first Silhouette release, Remember the Night.
Linda spins her tales of love and intrigue from her home in Dallas, Texas, where she lives with her husband and three lovable dogs. Check out her Web site at www.lindacastillo.com. Or you can contact her at P.O. Box 670501, Dallas, Texas 75367-0501.
This book is dedicated to my husband, whose love and support made it possible for me to write this story. To my nephew, Aaron—officer and EMT extraordinaire. Thanks for being such a hero that day on the mountain. If I ever get into a tight spot, I sure hope there’s someone like you there to help me. And to my special friends and fellow authors Cathy, Jen and Vickie, thanks for believing in the magic. You guys are the best.
Contents
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 1
Kelly Malone knew better than to panic. Even as she felt its razor claws dig into her, she fought its powerful grasp. Panic made smart people do stupid things. Stupid things that ultimately led to mistakes. She couldn’t afford to make a mistake. Not when her child’s life was on the line.
Gripping the steering wheel with white-knuckled hands, she stared through the windshield into the black abyss ahead and pressed the accelerator to the floor.
She’d grown up less than twenty miles from the eastern edge of this beautiful, unforgiving land. White River National Forest had been her home for thirty-one years. Her father had been a smoke jumper; her mother a park ranger. Kelly knew the area like the back of her hand, respected its capricious nature. She knew and loved the people who lived here. Over the years she’d known of a dozen lost children. She’d even helped look for a few of them herself. She knew most of those children were found safe and sound.
None of them had ever been her child.
The thought sent a spike of fear straight through her heart to coil in her gut like a reptile whipping its spindly tail. “He’s going to be all right,” she whispered fiercely. “He’s going to be okay.”
Kelly knew the value of remaining calm and rational—even if the situation had already spiraled out of control. But the side of her that was a mother first scoffed at the idea.
Her child was missing.
It was her fault.
And there was only one man in the world she trusted to find him and bring him back. A man she’d once loved with all her heart. A man she’d hurt terribly. A man whose life she was about to change forever.
A fresh wave of terror slashed her, choking her, bleeding the last vestiges of calm from her veins. Adrenaline sparked like fire and zipped along her nerve endings like a lit fuse. Hysteria beckoned, but she knew once she entered that shadowy place, she’d never climb out.
The headlights sliced through the blackest night she’d ever seen, but Kelly didn’t slow down. Driven by the primal instinct to protect what was precious, she drove like a madwoman through the inky darkness, her single-minded determination slapping down any notion of her own safety. Though the night was mild—even in July, temperatures in the Colorado Rockies could vary wildly—she felt cold, chilled from the inside out, as if her blood had been replaced with ice.
She would never forgive herself if something terrible happened to her little boy.
The wind tore at her car, shoving it from side to side like a child’s toy, but she didn’t slow down. Her tires protested with a squeal as she skidded around a dangerous curve she knew better than to take at such a high rate of speed. To the west, lightning split the sky, shattering it like crystal, illuminating bony trees and rocks the size of dinosaurs.
Kelly withheld a sob at the thought of her child huddled and alone on a night like this. Eddie had never been afraid of the dark, but thunder had always scared him. It tore her up inside knowing he was out there, alone and frightened and cold. The thought reached into her, a fist breaking through her ribs, gripping her heart and squeezing it so brutally she couldn’t breathe.
She nearly missed the narrow lane cut into the forest. Her foot punched down hard on the brake. The car fishtailed, but she cut the steering wheel hard to the right and forced it back under control. Gravel spewed high in the air as she pointed the vehicle toward the cabin and gunned the engine.
She wasn’t even sure if this was the right place. It had been almost five years since she’d been here. She’d heard from the friend of a friend that he’d taken the old cabin and fixed it up. Five years ago, it had been uninhabitable.
The porch light loomed into view like a buoy in a raging sea. The place looked different, but she recognized the old SUV. A sound of relief escaped her, a strange and animal-like sound in the silence of her car. She brought the vehicle to a sliding stop a few yards from the front porch and jammed it into Park. Flinging open the door, she hit the ground running.
Above her the sky exploded, lightning spreading like white capillaries. She smelled rain, but the sky wasn’t relinquishing the water the forest had been crying out for since spring. The wind kicked dust into her eyes as she ran toward the cabin.
Please, God, let him be home.
The frantic thought pounded her brain. She crossed the porch in two strides, then slapped her palms hard against the wooden door. Once. Twice. “Buzz! Help me! Buzz, please!” She barely recognized her own voice.
A light flicked on at the rear of the cabin. Kelly waited eternal seconds, her heart hammering against her ribs so hard she thought it would explode.
An instant later the door swung open.
She saw slate-gray eyes, a wide chest covered with a sprinkling of dark hair and faded jeans that hugged lean hips and muscular thighs. Even lost and drowning in terror, she felt the impact of him, like a punch between the eyes that dazed the unwary.
Kelly wasn’t unwary when it came to Buzz Malone.
She pushed by him. Her entire body vibrated as she walked into the foyer. She felt wild and out of control standing there inside his tidy cabin. She could only wonder how she must look to this man who never lost control.
Taking a calming breath, she spun to face him, sought his gaze. Six feet two inches of male pride and ego and one of the most complex—and difficult—personalities she’d ever encountered stared back at her. His gray eyes held a hint of ice, but his expression was etched with equal parts surprise and concern and that iron restraint that had cost them both so much when they were married.
“I’m in trouble. I…I need your help.” The words tumbled from her brokenly, breathlessly. “Please, you’ve got to help me.”
Brows drawn together as if he’d just been posed an impossible question, Buzz Malone stepped closer, but he didn’t touch her. “You’re bleeding. Are you hurt?”
She’d forgotten about the cut on her temple and shook her head. “I’m fine. There’s a…lost child. Eddie. W-we were at the campground for my family reunion. We were hiking and I fell….”
“Calm down, Kelly. Just tell me what happened.” With the impersonal touch of the cop he’d once been, Buzz took her arm and guided her over to the kitchen table. “Who’s Eddie?”
Kelly melted into a chair. Because her hands were shaking uncontrollably, she put them flat on the table in front of her. “Eddie….” She closed her eyes, uttered a silent, heartfelt prayer. “He’s my son. He’s lost in the woods. The park rangers are looking. They notified a Search and Rescue outfit out of Boulder, but four hours have passed and they haven’t found him. I want you there. I know if anyone can find him, you can.”
If he hadn’t known she had a son, he gave her no indication. “Where is he lost?”
“The eastern trail. When I slipped, I hit my head and must have passed out. I don’t know how long I was out, but when I woke up, he was…gone. I called out to him, covered the area on foot, but….” The horror of that moment rushed over her, shaking her so hard she saw stars. “He’s such a brave little guy, he probably went for help.”
“How long were you out?”
“I don’t know. Maybe ten minutes.”
“Did you look for him right then and there? He couldn’t have gotten far in ten minutes.”
“I searched the entire area, calling his name. I called the ranger station immediately from my cell phone. I stayed near the spot where I fell and looked for about an hour. When the park ranger arrived, I went back to the campground and told my sister and her husband’s family. They started looking, too. I went to the ranger station, and they called in Boulder One Search and Rescue.”
“Boulder One is good.”
“Not as good as you.”
Buzz sighed, understanding. “They’re a relatively new outfit. They don’t have night vision equipment.”
“You do.”
“How old is he?”
Kelly closed her eyes tightly, then met his gaze. “He’s four years old.”
It was the first time she’d ever seen Buzz pale. Not Buzz Malone, the cool-eyed ex-cop who’d seen it all and never showed emotion. This time, however, he paled all the way down to his chiseled mouth. He recoiled, his gaze sharpening on hers. In the depths of his eyes she saw the questions, the hot spark of suspicion, dawning realization.
Kelly wished she hadn’t had to witness it.
Buzz wasn’t an emotional man. That had always driven her crazy back when they were married. The man had distant down to an art form. Cold was his middle name. If Kelly hadn’t known him so well, she wouldn’t have noticed the clenching of those granite jaws. The flash of shock in his steely eyes. But because she knew him, because she’d once loved him, she saw all those things, and the sense of dread that dropped over her was nearly enough to send her to her knees.
“What the holy hell are you telling me?” he snapped.
Kelly’s pulse pounded like a freight train. The roar of blood through her veins mingled with the rumble of thunder outside until she couldn’t hear. It was a struggle to hold his gaze, but she managed, if only by a thread. “He’s your son, Buzz.”
Buzz Malone stared hard at her. “I don’t have a son.”
Kelly stared back at him, a hundred words tumbling through her mind, a thousand emotions ripping through her heart. I’m sorry. I wanted to tell you. I reached for the phone a hundred times. You never wanted either of us.
None of the words were adequate. It was too late. The damage was done, but she knew the hurt wasn’t over.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered.
Incredulity filled his gaze followed by a flash of pain so clear it hurt her just to look at him.
But Kelly didn’t have time to lament; Buzz Malone didn’t have time to hurt. Not tonight. All that mattered now was getting her son back. They would deal with the fallout after he was found.
It didn’t matter that her ex-husband would never forgive her. That both their lives would be irrevocably changed. That the truth would tear their lives apart one more time. She’d decided in that first hour as she’d searched frantically for her little boy that she was willing to risk everything to find him. That included her own peace of mind and a future she’d been working toward since the breakup.
Vaguely, she heard Buzz curse. The roar in her ears turned into a loud hum. The lights dimmed. Her overloaded brain was simply going to short out. Her heart couldn’t possibly keep up this insane rhythm. She’d never fainted before, but she feared that in a second she was going to collapse in a broken heap and sink to the floor at his feet.
But she didn’t. Instead, she squared her shoulders, met that hard gaze with one of her own and said, “Eddie is your son. I’m sorry you had to find out like this. But I need you to help me find him. Right now.”
Buzz Malone had been struck by lightning once when he was fifteen years old. One minute he’d been standing on a rock ledge looking out over Pike National Forest during a summer storm. The next he’d been lying on the ground disoriented and confused, with second-degree burns on his arms and feet.
The doctors had said it was a miracle he’d lived.
Buzz wondered what the odds were of a man surviving such an ordeal twice in his lifetime, because he felt as if he’d just been struck again.
Her words rang in his ears like a thunderclap. Shocking. Dangerous. Damning. He wanted to deny them, give voice to the outrage boiling inside him. But for the first time ever, the power of speech failed him. He stared at the woman he’d spent three years loving more than life itself, the last few years trying desperately to get out of his system and the world rocked violently beneath his feet.
“What the hell are you talking about?” He asked the question, but Buzz had already done the math. If the child was four years old, there was no doubt of his parentage. Kelly might not have been able to live with Buzz, but she’d always been fiercely loyal. There hadn’t been anyone else. Not for Kelly. Certainly not for Buzz.
She looked down at her hands twisting in her lap, and bit her lower lip, the way she always did when she was upset or in trouble. Buzz figured the conversation they were having qualified for both of those things—and then some.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I just…at the time, I couldn’t,” she said.
“Tell me what?” He knew damn good and well what she was about to say. But his brain refused to believe it. His mouth refused to say the words aloud. He didn’t want to hear it, but he knew more than anyone just how futile wishes could be.
How in the name of God could she have done such a thing?
“I wanted to tell you a thousand times,” she began. “But I didn’t think you’d want to know.”
Slowly, he turned to face her. “You kept my son from me.”
“I never meant to hurt you.”
“Hurt isn’t the right word.”
“Oh, I forgot,” she choked. “Buzz Malone doesn’t hurt like the rest of us mortals—”
“You stole four years of my son’s life from me. I’m too angry with you to hurt.”
“You made it clear, Buzz. You never wanted children. You didn’t want me.”
Uttering a nasty curse, he turned away from her and stared blindly into the kitchen, his heart ricocheting like a bullet in his chest.
“Don’t you dare turn away from me,” she said. “Not now.”
Clenching his jaws against the shock rocking his brain, he turned back to her. “You had no right to lie to me.”
“I didn’t lie.”
“Don’t play semantics. You lied by omission.”
“You made your choice when we were married. I simply made it easy for you to walk away.”
“You’re the one who did the walking.” But he was guilty, too, because he had merely stood there and watched and didn’t do a damn thing to stop her.
Tears shimmered in her eyes when she looked up at him. “I can’t talk about this right now. I can’t, Buzz. Please. I’m begging you. Just…for God’s sake, help me find him.”
The need to know everything—every detail about his son—was an ache in his chest, but he knew she was right. The backcountry at night was no place for a young boy.
“Okay,” he heard himself say. “Jesus. Okay. I’ll find him. Let me make some calls. Give me a minute to get dressed.” A moment to pull himself together.
Buzz knew her revelation was going to change his life, and he knew that ultimately it would hurt him in ways he could only imagine. In ways he’d never, ever wanted.
He felt the shakes descending. Tremors that started in his hands, then spread to his arms, his legs. Simultaneously, he felt the emotions snarling in his gut like a big cat rudely wakened from a deep sleep. Shock. Disbelief. A keen sense of betrayal that cut as jaggedly as any fang. The slow burn of fury spread through him like a flash and for a moment, he grappled for control.
Buzz didn’t have time to feel betrayed. He didn’t have time to acknowledge the fury burgeoning inside him. He didn’t have time to feel anything at all. A hundred questions jammed into his brain, but he shoved them back. He would dig the answers out of Kelly later. Right now, there was a young life at stake. A life he had every intention of saving.
“I want to see him,” he said.
She blinked at him. “What?”
“A picture.” She looked on the verge of shock, but he refused to feel compassion. He refused to feel anything at the moment or risk the emotions threatening to overwhelm him. “Do you have a picture?”
Bending her head, she opened her purse and rummaged frantically inside. An instant later, she produced a three-by-five-inch color photo. “This was taken a couple of months ago.”
Buzz stared at the photo, aware of the low roar of blood coursing through his veins, the hot zing of anger fusing with a throng of pain. He saw a little boy with freckles and dark-brown hair and an impish smile that was crooked and ended with a dimple in his left cheek. He saw innocence and tried not to think of all the terrible things that could happen to a child. In the mountains alone at night or in a world that could be merciless to the innocent.
Moved more than he wanted to be, a hell of a lot more than was wise, he looked away from the photo, then turned away from her so she couldn’t see the emotions he knew were plainly visible on his face. “I’ll want answers later,” he said. “You owe me an explanation.”
“I know I do. Just…after we find him.”
Without looking at her, he snatched up the phone. His fingers trembled as he punched in the numbers to Rocky Mountain Search and Rescue Headquarters.
Senior medic John Maitland picked up on the first ring.
Buzz identified himself, his voice sounding strangely calm. He could hear raucous laughter in the background. The blare of rock and roll. The familiarity of those things gave him a badly needed sense of control, and he held on to it with all his might. “This is a call out. Code Red. I want everyone in house geared up and standing by. I’m on my way. ETA ten minutes.”
“I’ll put out the call to the team.” John hesitated, as if sensing something wasn’t quite right. “What’s going on?”
“A lost boy up at White River. Four years old. I’m going to swing by on my way to the East Ranger Station.”
“White River? I heard the call on the radio. Isn’t that out of our jurisdiction? Boulder One SAR took it—”
“I don’t give a damn about jurisdiction,” Buzz snapped. “We’re on it. Just do it.”
Silence hissed for half a beat. “Yes sir.”
“I want the chopper standing by. A winch team. I want weather reports. Night-vision equipment. Get someone over to the ranger station with a terrain map. I want Jake Madigan and a dozen volunteers on horseback ready for a grid search. I don’t give a damn how many favors you’ve got to call in. Just get me some men. You got that?”
“Loud and clear.”
Buzz slammed down the phone, turned to face Kelly. She stared back, her face ashen. He saw the imprint of her teeth on her lower lip. For the first time he noticed the bruise forming beneath the cut on her temple. The blood had clotted, but the wound still needed to be cleaned and dressed. “You ought to get yourself checked out at the hospital. You could be concussed.”
“No.”
“I can drive you over to Lake County—”
“I’m not going to the hospital. I can’t leave knowing Eddie is out there all by himself. He’s probably scared and hungry and cold…oh, God!”
He stared at her, seeing clearly the terror in her eyes, the torture in her heart. He felt his own version of panic punch him in the chest hard enough to take his breath. “It’s only been four hours. We’ll find him. He’s going to be all right.” He didn’t know that for sure, but he wasn’t going to let his mind go in that direction. He picked up the phone. “I’ll call Chaffee County Sheriff’s Department and have them bring in dogs. You got something with his scent?”
She jerked her head. “The socks he wore yesterday are at the campground.”
“That’ll work.” Buzz made the call to Chaffee County, then dialed the Ranger Station at White River where a search was already under way and told them he would be there within the half hour.
“He’s only a little boy, Buzz. He’s sweet and smart and….” Rising abruptly, she turned away, put her face in her hands. “I can’t stand not knowing where he is. I’ve got to find him. I’ve got to go—”
“I need you to calm down and keep your head, Kel.”
“I’m trying. Dammit. I’m just…scared.”
“I know.”
She looked at him with ravaged eyes. “I’m sorry you had to find out like this, Buzz, but I didn’t know where else to go.” She put a trembling hand over her mouth. “I know we have a lot to work out. But right now I just want him back.”
Buzz barely heard the words over the pounding of his heart. He tried to comprehend everything he’d been told, but the meaning was too huge to absorb, too devastating.
After he finished the call, Buzz looked down at his hand clenching the phone, saw that it was shaking violently. He stared at his ex-wife. She’d always been a strong woman. She knew her mind and never failed to speak it. That was one of the things he’d always loved about her. Tonight, however, she looked as if that spirit had been crushed. Her coffee-brown eyes were wild with terror and ravaged by guilt. If she shook any more violently he figured he was going to have to pick her up off the floor. Because he didn’t want to have to do that, he rose and walked over to her, set his arms on her shoulders. “Sit down before you fall down. I’m going to get dressed. Pack some gear.”
“I don’t want to sit down. I can’t stay. I’m going back to the ranger station—”
“I’m going with you, damn it, and you’re going to wait for me.” He guided her toward the chair. “Sit down.”
“Don’t you have to go to headquarters to put your team out?”
“They’re standing by. You and I will make a stop at RMSAR on the way to the ranger station.” Noticing that her teeth were chattering, he scowled. He could feel tremors coming through her shoulders and into his hands. “Sit and pull yourself together. I’ll be ready to go in five minutes.”
She stared at him as if she was so at odds with the concept of sitting at a time like this that the sheer thought of it rendered her unable to do so.
“We’ll find him,” he promised, pushing her down into the chair.
Her shoulders felt frail beneath his hands. But Buzz knew she was anything but frail. She might weigh a hundred and ten pounds fully clothed and soaking wet, but her personality packed the punch of a linebacker. He’d been knocked senseless a time or two by that personality and had quickly learned size didn’t always matter.
“He hasn’t had dinner,” she said hoarsely.
“He got any supplies?”
“Snacks. Raisins and a peanut butter sandwich in his backpack. A few cookies. A little box of juice.”
“What else?” Plucking a flannel shirt off the back of a chair, Buzz jerked it on then stepped into his hiking boots.
“A flashlight. Bunky Bear, a little stuffed bear.”
“That’s good. Jacket?”
“Yeah, but it’s not waterproof.”
“It’s not going to rain. Another dry front.”
She jumped with a clap of thunder. “He’s afraid of storms.”
Buzz tried to think like the cop he’d once been, like the Search and Rescue professional that he was, but there were too many emotions banging around inside him to manage it. He definitely wasn’t thinking objectively. He couldn’t get a handle on this, could barely form a coherent thought, let alone come up with a plan.
Grabbing his jacket off the arm of the sofa, Buzz turned to get his bag of gear—and nearly ran into Kelly. He hadn’t seen her rise, and the sudden contact stunned him, sent another shock through his system. For an instant she was so close he could smell her. A combination of citrus and the out-of-doors and the mysterious scent of woman. The familiarity of it struck him like a blow. He knew better than to let her affect him. Not at a time like this when she was frightened, when his own world had just been turned upside down, and an innocent young life hung in the balance. But when he took a deep breath, her essence enveloped his brain and brought back memories he had absolutely no desire to think of now.
Steeling himself against the power of those memories, he turned away abruptly and headed for the door. His head was spinning. Not only because of the shock of learning he had a son or that his young son was in danger. But because even after almost five years of being away from his ex-wife, she still wielded the power to make him shake inside and outside and every place in between.
Chapter 2
The drive to Rocky Mountain Search and Rescue Headquarters was a tense, silent affair, and Buzz felt every second that ticked by like a death knell. He’d been in some tight spots back when he was a cop. He’d come to within an inch of losing his life five years ago when a sixteen-year-old with a Saturday-night special had come out of nowhere and put a bullet in his spine. But even during that horrible instant when he’d known he was seriously—perhaps even fatally—hurt, Buzz hadn’t been as scared as he was tonight.
The repercussions of Kelly’s news rocked him to his foundation. And even though Buzz had never wanted children, he knew he would do everything in his power to protect what was his and bring that little boy home.
Back when they were married, Kelly had wanted children. Boys or girls, it never mattered to her. Buzz had seen too much of the dark side of the world to want to bring an innocent child into it. His own childhood had been a nightmare of neglect and subtle psychological abuses. Buzz had survived, but he’d known at a very young age he would never have children. Four years as a detective in the Child Abuse Division of the Denver PD had solidified that decision. He’d made his position clear to Kelly in the three years they’d been married. It had always been a point of contention between them. Kelly would never agree, but Buzz believed his not wanting children was one of the main reasons their marriage had failed.
Lord have mercy, he hadn’t expected this to happen.
Rocky Mountain Search and Rescue Headquarters was lit up like a football stadium when Buzz turned into the driveway. Not bothering to park away from the building in his usual spot, he drove the SUV through the grass and brought it to a sliding stop ten feet from the front entrance. Kelly had her door open before the vehicle had even come to a complete stop.
He knew she was going through hell right now. As angry as he was with her, he would never wish that kind of pain on anyone. He’d never even met his son, yet the instant he’d known, Buzz had felt the connection. A link that was instinctive and primal and ran deep to a place inside him he’d never ventured to explore.
He reached the door first, shoved it open with both hands. The door swung wide with a bang. Aaron “Dispatch” Henderson sat at the communication station, manning the VHF radio. Buzz made eye contact with him, saw wariness enter the younger man’s gaze. Neither of them spoke as Buzz stalked past. He could only imagine how he must look. Back when he’d been a cop, his fellow officers had jokingly called him “scary” when he was angry or intent on a case. Tonight, Buzz bet he looked downright terrifying.
He walked briskly down the hall, his boots thudding solidly against the wood planks. He heard Kelly moving behind him, but he didn’t slow down. The light was on in the galley, and he knew that was where his men had congregated to wait. Working his coat off as he walked, he tossed it at the coat rack, heard it fall to the floor. He didn’t stop to pick it up.
He entered the galley and halted. Four sets of narrowed eyes swept from Buzz to the woman behind him and back to Buzz. He saw the questions in their expressions, but he had no intention of answering any of them. Not tonight. Not until they’d found his son.
Medic John Maitland stood at the front of the room, dressed in his bright orange flight suit. Next to him, Tony “Flyboy” Colorosa, also geared in his flight suit, was pinning a topographical map of White River National Forest on an easel. Jake Madigan and junior medic Pete Scully hovered over the map, but their heads were turned and they were looking at Buzz as if he’d just beamed down from another planet.
Vaguely, Buzz was aware that he was breathing heavily. That his shirt clung damply to his back. He wondered if he was the only one who could hear the jackhammer rhythm of his heart.
“Winch team and night vision are RTG,” John said, using the shorthand term for “ready to go.”
“Chopper is standing by,” Tony added.
Realizing he had yet to explain the situation, Buzz gave himself a quick mental shake and started toward the front of the room. “Take your seats,” he snapped.
The four men shuffled into their seats.
For the first time since he’d begun his career with RMSAR four years earlier, Buzz felt as if he wasn’t in control of the situation. He fought for objectivity, to attain the clarity of mind that had made him such a good cop, such a good team leader—but he knew it was a useless endeavor. When he raised his finger to the map, his hand shook.
“We’ve got a lost boy. Four years old.” He indicated the general location on the map. “White River National Forest. East slope.” Pulling in a deep breath, he looked at Kelly. “They’ll need a description. You’re familiar with the area. I’d like you to point out the exact location. Give us the circumstances.”
Buzz watched her approach, aware of the dull thud of his heartbeat. In the harsh light of the galley, she looked pale and badly shaken. The cut on her temple stood out in stark contrast to her ashen complexion. The bruise forming beneath was going to be brilliant once it bloomed. She’d shed her coat in the foyer, and for the first time he realized just how bad the fall she’d taken must have been. Her jeans were dirty at the left hip and torn at the knee. The flannel shirt she wore had come untucked at one side and hung ungracefully to mid thigh.
He might be angry with her for lying to him about their son all these years, but he damn well was going to make sure she got checked out by a doctor before this was through. Damn hard-headed woman.
“This is Kelly Malone,” he said.
Absolute silence filled the room. The four men watched her carefully and with great interest as she took her place at the front of the room and let out a shaky breath. Her brown eyes scanned the male faces watching her.
“Eddie is four years old,” she began. “Dark hair, brown, cut short. Gray eyes. He’s wearing a white Denver Broncos sweatshirt and a pair of blue jeans. White sneakers. He had a green jacket tied around his waist, but he might be wearing it now. His backpack is blue.” Setting her purse on the table, she pulled out her wallet and dug the photo from it with trembling fingers. “I’ve only got one picture. It’s a couple of months old, but it’s a good one.” She looked longingly at the photo, then closed her eyes briefly. Without looking at it again, she handed it to John Maitland.
“Where did you last see him?” Jake Madigan asked.
Taking Kelly’s arm, Buzz eased her toward the map. “Did you say the eastern edge of the park?” he asked her.
She nodded, then turned to study the map.
Buzz could feel her shaking, knew she was holding onto her composure by only a thread. A very thin thread that wouldn’t hold much longer. He didn’t want to be there when it snapped, but knew he’d rather it be him than someone else.
He was aware of the men watching her, could practically feel the curiosity bubbling in the room. He knew they were wondering if their surly team leader had an ex-wife and a child he’d never told anyone about. Holy hell, this was a mess.
Forcing his mind back to the matter at hand, he gently squeezed her arm to let her know she was doing all right. That they were going to get through this. That they were going to get their son back.
Kelly gave him a grateful look, but her hand shook violently when she raised it to point out the hiking trail where she’d fallen. “Right here.”
“That’s the eastern edge of the hiking trails,” said John Maitland. “Terrain gets rough to the north.”
She nodded. “We were on the southernmost trail. About two miles from the campground.”
“How long has he been gone?”
“Almost four and a half hours.” Her voice cracked with the last word.
Knowing she couldn’t take much more before she broke, Buzz moved her gently aside and stepped forward. “Flyboy, what’s the weather situation?”
“There’s a front to the northwest. Weather Service is expecting sustained winds of fifty knots. It’s going to get rough when that sucker blows through.”
“What’s the flying time frame?”
“I’d say we have a couple of hours of fly time before I have to recall to base.”
Buzz’s curse was interrupted by Jake Madigan’s. Buzz looked over at the tall man wearing the battered Stetson.
“That’s not the only problem,” the cowboy said.
The hairs on Buzz’s nape stood up. Next to him, Kelly jerked her head toward Jake. Buzz shot the other man a questioning look.
Jake sighed, glanced from Kelly to Jake.
Buzz understood what the other man was trying to say an instant too late. Kelly darted around the table and walked over to Jake. Chin jutting, she raised her hand and pointed a finger in the general direction of his face. “Don’t you dare keep information from me just because you think I can’t handle it. I need to know what’s going on.”
Grimacing, Jake removed his Stetson, then looked helplessly at Buzz. “Well, ma’am…uh, with all due respect—”
“What problem?” she pressed.
Realizing abruptly what Jake was about to say, Buzz stepped forward and put his hands on Kelly’s shoulders. “We’re professionals, Kel. Let us take care of this. We’ll find him.”
“No.” She whirled on Buzz. “Don’t try to keep me out of this. I’m not going to sit this out.” She turned back to Jake, who looked as if he’d just backed into a cactus. “Damn it, tell me what the hell is going on.”
Jake sighed, shot Buzz a questioning look.
Knowing his ex-wife wasn’t going to back down, Buzz gave him a minute nod.
“The ranger station up on Ruby Lake reported a fire a few hours ago,” Jake began. “There was a lightning strike. With the drought and high winds, the fire is gaining momentum. It’s still small at this point, but it’s burning uncontrolled and heading this way.”
Kelly put her hand to her mouth to stop the sob that bubbled out, but she didn’t succeed. Her free hand went to her stomach, as if she’d been gut-punched. “Oh, God. Oh, no.”
Buzz pressed his fingers into her shoulders. “Kelly, the fire is small. Chances are the firefighters will be able to contain it. Let us take care of this. These men are the best. They’ve got to go to work. Right now. I’ll have Dispatch take you to the hospital to get that bump checked—”
“I’m not leaving Eddie.” Shaking off his grasp, she turned to face him, a waif ready to take on an army. “Don’t ask me to stay out of this. I know the area. I know the trails. I’ve got to be out there, looking for him.”
“You were knocked unconscious, damn it. You’re not going to do anyone any good when the adrenaline wears off and you find yourself flat on your back with a concussion.”
“The only thing that’s wrong with me is that I’ve lost my son.”
“You’re scared spitless and bleeding and running on nerves and your own hard head—”
“Don’t you dare try to shut me out of this. I’m not going to sit it out.”
“You’re out of control.”
She advanced on him, shaking so violently she didn’t trust her legs. “You’re damn right I am! I thought you might feel the same way, but obviously, your heart is still as cold as it ever was!”
She hadn’t meant to go there. Hadn’t meant to say those words or make this any more personal than it already was. Her control broke with an almost audible snap! The tears came in a rush. A useless, humiliating show of emotion that wasn’t going to accomplish anything except give her a wham-banger of a headache and prove to the men in this room she wasn’t going to be much help. She struggled valiantly to staunch the sobs that wrenched from deep in her chest, but they were powerful and shook her from head to toe.
Realizing the room had gone utterly silent, Kelly sucked in a breath and stopped herself cold. Buzz stared at her as if she’d just announced that she was an alien and would be moving back to her own planet in another galaxy at the end of the week. Tony Colorosa and Pete Scully had found something fascinating in the wood planks of the floor. John Maitland stared at the map. Jake scratched at a non-existent stain on the felt of his hat, his brows knitting as if in intense concentration.
Knowing her credibility was on the line, she let out the breath she’d been holding and addressed the men. “Eddie also has a flashlight with him. Since it’s dark, he may have it on. It’s plastic and not very bright, but the batteries were new, so it should be working.”
Buzz cleared his throat. “If that’s all….”
She jerked her head. “Please, find him. I want him back.”
He addressed his team. “Let’s get this show on the road, gentlemen.” He looked at his pilot. “Do your best for me, will you, Flyboy?”
“Piece of cake.” Some of the cockiness went out of Tony’s expression when he glanced at Kelly. “We’ll find him, Ms. Malone.”
Because she couldn’t speak, she nodded her thanks and within seconds, the men had grabbed their canvas equipment bags and rushed out the rear entrance, leaving an uncomfortable silence in their wake.
Without speaking to her, Buzz left the room and picked his coat off the floor in the hall. Kelly followed. “I’m sorry I broke down like that,” she said.
“You’re entitled.”
“I know this is hard for you, too.”
He turned to her, striking her with a gaze as sharp and cold as an alpine winter. “Whatever you do, don’t apologize.”
“Buzz….”
“I still plan to rake you over the coals.”
“Well, I certainly don’t want to miss out on that.”
Buzz shot her a thin smile. “That’s one of the things I’ve missed about you, Kel.”
“What’s that?”
“Your smart mouth.”
“Not something to base a relationship on, I guess.”
“I guess not.” Grimacing, he started toward the door. “Let’s get out to the site.”
“I hope it doesn’t rain, Bunky Bear.” Eddie Malone shone the flashlight on the stuffed animal’s face, wishing the little bear could say something back. “Mommy always told me thunder was just this big guy up in the sky throwing thunderbolts, but I didn’t really believe it. I didn’t tell her ’cause I didn’t want to hurt her feelings, but I thought that was a really dumb story.”
Bunky Bear stared back at him with his one good eye and a little smile on his mouth that always made Eddie laugh. But Eddie wasn’t laughing tonight. He was scared. More scared than he’d ever been in his whole life.
It had all started when he’d dropped Bunky Bear down that big hill. He’d tried not to cry, but he’d wanted his bear back. Mommy had climbed down after Bunky, but the branch she was holding onto had snapped and she rolled and rolled all the way down the hill. It had scared Eddie even more when he called out to her and she didn’t answer. When he’d climbed down after her, she was asleep. He tried to wake her, but she wouldn’t wake up. He knew he shouldn’t cry, but it scared him so much he just couldn’t help it. He’d sat down beside her and cried for a long time.
Then he saw the cut on her head and thought he should go for help. Isn’t that what Captain Kudo on “Kudos and Kids” would do? Knowing it was the only way to save his mom, Eddie had grabbed Bunky Bear, stuffed him in his backpack and started back toward the campground where Aunt Kim would know what to do. He’d thought for sure he was going the right way. But it seemed like he walked forever and never got back to the campground. Then the wind had started blowing, and it started getting dark.
Snuggled up against Bunky Bear, Eddie shivered and huddled deeper into his jacket. “Don’t worry, Bunky Bear,” he said. “Mommy’s okay. She’s a good hiker and knows everything there is to know about camping and stuff.”
The rumble of thunder in the distance made his teeth chatter. He looked up, saw the sky flicker. Around him, the treetops swayed and whispered. He wished it wasn’t so dark. He hadn’t been quite so scared when the sun was shining.
He wished Mommy would hurry up and find him so they could go home.
Buzz didn’t bother with the speed limit on the way to White River Campground, and the trip took less than half an hour. Using his cell phone en route, he checked in with the ranger station where the base camp for the search had been set up, as well as the Lake County Sheriff’s Department to see how the search was progressing. Neither agency reported any sign of Eddie. Another call to his contact at the Chaffee County Sheriff’s Department told him a team of scent-trained bloodhounds would be brought in at first light. Buzz hoped to God they found him by morning. If they didn’t, he hated to wait that long to bring in the dogs, but he knew how difficult nighttime searches were.
Next to him, Kelly stared into the darkness beyond the window as silent and still as a mannequin. The tension coming off her was palpable. Buzz felt his own tension like a knot being drawn ever tighter in his chest. But as angry as he was with her, another side of him felt a pang of compassion every time he looked at her and saw the profound sadness in her eyes. He wasn’t going to let her down.
A hundred questions rang in his head. Even though Buzz knew now wasn’t the time to raise them, there was a small part of him that wanted to know everything about his son. He wanted to know how tall he was. What he liked to eat. His favorite stories and movies and toys. If he took after his mother—or, God forbid, him. Another side of him—the side that was an ex-detective and had worked some of the worst child abuse cases in the city—cringed at the thought of bringing something so precious as a child into a world that was many times less than kind to the innocent.
Feeling the urgency press into him with an almost physical force, all too aware of the minutes ticking by and the fire raging just a few miles to the north, Buzz looked at his watch, felt another snap of tension go through his system. Eleven o’clock. Eddie had been missing for five hours now. As an ex-cop, and now a Search and Rescue professional, he knew all too well how much could happen in five hours.
Where are you, son?
Surprise rippled through him that he was now thinking of this child as his son. He wondered how smart that was when he didn’t have any idea how he was going to handle being a father—if he would even get the chance, if he wanted it at all.
The campground was humming with activity when Buzz drove into the parking lot. Park rangers and volunteers and sheriff’s deputies hustled about, talking into their radios and looking harried. Buzz parked the truck next to a Lake County sheriff’s van and shut down the engine. Next to him, Kelly reached for the door handle.
“We’re going to hit the trail, so make it brief,” he said.
Nodding once, she slipped out the door. Buzz gathered his gear and got out of the truck. He was in the process of slipping his pack over his shoulders when a tall man dressed in khakis and a button-down shirt rushed toward Kelly with a determined stride. Buzz couldn’t see much of him in the dim light cast from the single sodium vapor lamp overhead—just enough to recognize the glint of male interest in his eyes.
“Any word?” Kelly asked the man.
“Nothing yet.” He opened his arms to her. “I’m sorry.”
She went into his arms without hesitation.
Standing next to the truck, Buzz watched the exchange, trying in vain to ignore the hot snap of jealousy.
“I came straight over from the office,” the man said to her. “Your sister called and talked to my assistant. I wish you’d called me.”
“There was nothing you could do.”
“I could have been here for you.”
“God, Taylor, I’m so worried. It’s been over five hours.”
“I’m sure they’ll find him.” The man eyed Buzz over Kelly’s shoulder, taking his measure much the same way a contender did in the minutes before a boxing match.
Buzz stared back with his best bad-cop glare, wondering if it would be considered politically incorrect of him to wipe that superior expression off the other man’s face with his fist. Buzz wasn’t a fan of politically correct.
Never taking his eyes from Buzz’s, the man lowered his hand to the small of Kelly’s back in a silent message that wasn’t lost on Buzz.
She’s mine.
“You holding up okay?” the man asked her.
“I’m all right,” she said. “I just need to find him.”
“You’re cut—”
“It’s nothing.”
Buzz refused to identify the brutal twist of emotion in his gut. He was not a jealous man. Never had been. Hell, he wasn’t even possessive. Not that he had a right to be in the first place. He and Kelly were through. She was free to see whomever she chose. Just because Buzz had never quite reconciled himself to the fact that their divorce meant things were over between them for good didn’t mean he was going to let the possibility that she was having a relationship with this bespectacled corporate jerk cloud his judgment.
Easing back from the man, Kelly turned to Buzz. “Taylor, this is Buzz Malone.”
The other man stuck out his hand. “Taylor Quelhorst. Glad to meet you.”
Buzz hesitated an instant before accepting the handshake. If the other man knew Buzz was the father of the child in question, he gave no indication.
“You’re a retired policeman.” Taylor squeezed Buzz’s hand.
Buzz squeezed back. “Ex-detective.”
“Buzz and I are going to hike the trail where Eddie was lost,” Kelly said.
Taylor released Buzz’s hand abruptly and gave her a sharp look. “I was planning to take you back to the motel where I’m staying.”
“No. All my things are here. You go. I’m going to join the search.”
“Well, then, I’ll go with you.”
“You don’t have any gear,” Buzz cut in, then motioned toward Taylor’s Italian loafers. “You’d just slow us down.”
The other man’s annoyed gaze swept from Kelly to Buzz, and then back to Kelly. “Do you want me to go—?”
“No, I want you to go back to the motel,” she said firmly. “Make sure the rangers and sheriff’s department have the number there, so they know how to reach you.”
“They do.”
“All right.” Pulling away from him, she sighed. “You’ve got my cell number. Please, call me the instant you hear anything.” Her eyes intensified. “Anything.”
“You got it.” Leaning forward, he kissed her gently on the cheek.
Unwilling to witness any more of the exchange, Buzz turned away and started toward a couple of sheriff’s deputies holding a thermos of what he hoped was coffee. He might be divorced from Kelly, he might even be fine with it, but he sure as hell didn’t like seeing another man put his hands on her.
A moment later, Kelly drew up beside him. “All right. I’m ready. Let’s go.”
All too aware that he was annoyed as hell and his heart rate was up to a dangerous level, Buzz risked a look at her, but he didn’t slow down. “You finished with Mr. Corporate America?”
“His name is Taylor Quelhorst, and he’s my boss.”
“Seems friendly.”
“We’re friends. He cares for Eddie.”
“I’ll bet.”
Buzz stopped walking on reaching the two deputies. Setting his pack on the ground, he offered his hand. “I’m Buzz Malone with RMSAR.”
A young, muscle-bound deputy grinned and shook his hand enthusiastically. “You guys found that lost Boy Scout last summer. Good going. We’re glad to have you here.”
“This is the lost boy’s mother, Kelly. What’s the stat?”
After introductions were made, one of the deputies poured coffee from a thermos and handed a cup to Kelly, another one to Buzz. The other young man updated Buzz and Kelly on the search. “No sign of the subject yet. Someone reported tracks up on Cougar Ridge, but they didn’t pan out. We’ve had so many volunteers, the area is pretty trampled. Most of the volunteers have gone home for the night, but they’ll be back first light. What are you folks going to do?”
“We’re going to hike up to the site where the child was initially lost.”
Grimacing, the deputy glanced down at Kelly. “You sure you want to do that in the dark? You can’t see much. You’ll have a better chance of spotting him tomorrow if you’re fresh.”
Buzz knew the deputy was experienced enough to know that many times the parents of lost children exhausted themselves early and then weren’t much good to anyone—including the child—thereafter. What he didn’t know was that Buzz intended to make sure Kelly got some rest tonight whether they were on the trail or not.
“I’ve got a halogen spotlight and a whistle.” Buzz finished his coffee and passed the empty cup back to the deputy.
“That’ll help.” The deputy collected Kelly’s cup as well. “You got a radio with you?” he asked Buzz.
“VHS. What frequency are you guys using?”
“Emergency channel 16. All agencies involved.”
“Got it.”
“You folks be careful.”
Hefting his pack, Buzz slipped it over his shoulders and started toward the darkened trail. Kelly had to trot to keep up with his long stride.
“I don’t have a pack,” she said.
“I’ve got everything we need in mine.”
“I didn’t know you had a whistle,” she said. “That’s a good idea. I wish I’d thought of it.”
“I do this for a living now, remember?”
She didn’t answer, but Buzz knew what she was thinking. The way he made his living had been another point of contention between them—they’d had a lot of those when they’d been married. Early in their relationship, the love between them had been so strong it didn’t matter that he was a cop and spent his days wrestling with armed criminals who wouldn’t think twice about capping a cop. But the dangers of his job had taken a heavy toll on their marriage.
After the shooting, Kelly had made it clear she could no longer take the pressures of being a cop’s wife. With a bullet lodged mere millimeters from his spinal cord, Buzz hadn’t been able to go back to active duty. The department had offered him a desk job, but the position held little appeal. Kelly had wanted him to take the corporate security job that had been offered to him by an established firm out of Denver. But the thought of sitting behind a desk all day, devising ways to keep employees from stealing pencils was about as exciting as his own funeral. When the team-leader position with Rocky Mountain Search and Rescue had become available, Buzz had jumped at the opportunity. That had been the proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back.
Buzz had never fully understood why she hadn’t been able to accept his need to be on the front line. He suspected her father had a lot to do with it. Buzz had never met Jack McKee, but the man was a legend. He’d been a smoke jumper back in the early 1980s. A breed of man who lived for the rush and the heady taste of danger that came with putting his life on the line. They’d called him Jumpin’ Jack Flash back then. He’d been the best of the best. Courageous. Daring. Kelly would have been about fifteen when he’d died. Buzz didn’t know the details, but he’d heard that McKee’s chopper went down on the front line of a forest fire. Her brother had been on board too. Both men had perished.
Knowing what he did about her father and brother, Buzz figured Kelly deserved a man who didn’t like gambling with fate. The worry and sleepless nights had torn her apart during their marriage. When she’d asked for a divorce, he hadn’t contested it. He’d let her go, first, because he couldn’t stand to hurt her, second, simply because she’d wanted to go. She wanted him to change, but Buzz hadn’t been able to stop being who he was no matter how much he loved her.
He’d moved on with his life, but there had been no other women. No woman would ever come close to touching him the way Kelly had. Buzz knew no other woman ever would.
Even frightened and disheveled with a cut on her temple and pain in her heart, Kelly was still the most beautiful woman he’d ever known. That was a hell of a thing for him to be noticing at a time like this.
No, it wasn’t a comforting thought at all to realize that the divorce hadn’t diminished his attraction to her. They might be compatible when it came to the bedroom, but all compatibility ended there. Sex was the only facet of their marriage that they’d agreed upon unequivocally. It hadn’t been enough.
With a long night stretching out ahead of them, Buzz figured he would be wise to keep that in mind.
Chapter 3
“This way.”
The sound of Kelly’s voice jerked him from his reverie. Buzz’s flashlight illuminated a fork in the trail. Kelly motioned left. “How far are we from where you fell?” he asked.
“Maybe another quarter mile or so.”
“This was a long hike for a young kid.”
“He’s a bundle of energy, Buzz. I know him. I know his physical capabilities, and I know what he likes. He’s always been fascinated by the outdoors. Trails. Camping. Animal tracks. Even flowers. We were having so much fun, I just didn’t realize how….” Her voice trailed off.
Buzz practically felt the rise of guilt. “I didn’t mean to imply that this is your fault, Kel.”
“I know. I just…if I’d just used my head, none of this would have happened.”
“You know what they say about hindsight being twenty-twenty.”
She shot him a grateful look. “Yeah.”
They walked in silence for a while, the only sound coming from their feet on the trail and heavy breathing. “Do you know the tread pattern on his sneakers?” Buzz asked.
“The deputy said the tracks had been—”
“You never know when you might get lucky.”
She didn’t hesitate. “Small circles with an arrow pointing toward the toe.”
“That ought to be easy enough to spot.”
“I didn’t see any when I looked, but I was pretty frantic. I could have missed something.”
Buzz tried to approach this mission with the same emotionless determination with which he approached other missions, but the cool objectivity he’d always been able to achieve eluded him. He couldn’t stop thinking that it was his son out there this time. A little boy who was too young to keep himself safe. A child who still carried his stuffed animal with him.
“This is the place.”
Buzz halted. Kelly stood a couple of feet away, her breath puffing out in a thin white cloud. The night had grown cool. A preschooler with nothing but a light jacket to keep him warm would be cold.
Dropping his pack to the ground, Buzz dug the whistle out of his jeans pocket and blew into it twice in quick succession.
“Eddie!” Kelly turned in a circle, looking out into the surrounding darkness. “Honey, it’s Mommy!”
Putting the whistle back in his pocket, Buzz put his finger to his lips. “Quiet, Kel. The whistle carries farther than a voice. Let’s just listen a moment, and see if we get a response.”
She nodded, then stood motionless and stared into the surrounding darkness. For a full two minutes, Buzz listened to the chirping of crickets, the call of an occasional night bird, the crack of a twig beneath the weight of a fat raccoon, the rustle of an owl’s wings as it swooped down to pluck an unsuspecting mouse from the grass.
“Exactly where did you fall?” Buzz asked.
“To your left. Eddie dropped Bunky Bear down the ravine. He’s had that bear since he was born, and he was upset.”
“Don’t tell me you went after it.”
“The bear fell only a few feet down.”
Shining the light down the incline, Buzz frowned. It was steep and rugged, but not vertical. “You should have known better than to try something like that without a partner.”
“I thought I could get to it, then get right back up. But I grabbed a branch. The branch broke….” She shrugged. “Well, there’s that hindsight thing again.”
Buzz knew all too well about hindsight.
“I’m going to go down there and have a look around,” he said.
“Buzz, what did you just tell me?”
“I’ve got an adult partner. You.”
“I’m not EMT certified.”
He shot her a small smile. “I’m not a rookie.”
“No, you’re just foolhardy.”
“Same goes, evidently.”
She frowned at him. “I guess I had that coming.”
“You did.” He handed her the spotlight. “Keep the light out of my eyes and on the ground below me so I can see, okay?”
Nodding once, she accepted the spotlight. “Be careful.”
The light flickered over her delicate features like firelight. Her gaze met his, and Buzz felt his heart give a weird little lurch.
Kelly wished he wouldn’t look at her like that. Like the world was at his beck and call, and she was right at the center of that world. She was no longer the idealistic young woman who’d fallen crazy in love with him a lifetime ago. She wasn’t the same woman he’d married. Wasn’t even the same woman he’d divorced. The world had taught her a few things since then. Lessons Kelly wouldn’t ever forget. Lessons that had made her too smart to make the same mistakes all over again.
But looking into his eyes, she believed everything was going to work out. The fierce determination that was so much a part of him, the force of his personality, his inability to take no for an answer. All of those things made her believe they were going to find Eddie unharmed. That was why she was here, she realized. If anyone could find her son, it was Buzz. So she’d come, even though she’d known both of them would pay a price.
Kelly had never been able to pretend when it came to Buzz. The mere power of his gaze wrenched the truth from her no matter how painful, no matter how deeply she tried to lock it away. She knew this was going to change their lives irrevocably. And as much as she didn’t want to admit it, she knew from experience that sometimes things didn’t work out for the better.
Trying not to think of the darker possibilities, she watched him step into the rappel harness and loop the nylon rope through the carabiner, then anchor the end to a sturdy-looking pine. She knew better than to notice the way that harness accentuated his long, muscular thighs and lean hips. But she noticed anyway. And the sight of him, even after all these years, still made her mouth go dry.
“Kel, the spotlight.”
She jumped at the sound of his voice, jerked the light to the steep incline just below him. “Be careful of the rocks,” she said.
“I’m always careful.” Never taking his eyes from hers, he stepped backward toward the ledge. Glancing quickly behind him, he stepped down and disappeared over the edge. She could hear the nylon rope humming through his gloves as he descended, his hiking boots thudding against the rocky face of the ravine. Holding the spotlight steady, she guided him over jagged granite, through juniper and the spindly roots of the occasional pine that clung to the side of the mountain, all the way to the ravine floor thirty feet down.
“I’m in!” came Buzz’s shout a moment later.
The rope went slack and Kelly knew he’d disengaged the rappel harness. She squinted through the darkness. “Do you see anything?” she shouted.
She could hear him breaking through brush. Hope burgeoned until her chest was so tight she couldn’t breathe. Please, God, let my son be down there. Let him be all right.
The need to hold Eddie tight and safe in her arms was an ache so deep she almost cried out with the pain of it. That need twisted inside her now, like a knife, cutting her at the very core of her being. She knew better than to get her hopes up, knew how acute disappointment could be, but her heart kicked hard at the thought of getting him back safe and sound.
“I need for you to put on the harness.”
Kelly started so abruptly at the sound of Buzz’s voice, she nearly dropped the spotlight. She’d been so embroiled in her thoughts, she hadn’t seen him climb back up the ravine wall. One look at his face, and fear snarled like a rabid beast inside her. She tried to shove it down, refusing to give it free rein, but it was a cold, mean fear and clamped over her like a predator’s jaws.
“What is it?” she blurted. “Is he down there? Is he—?”
“Easy, Kel.” Buzz grimaced. “He’s not there. But he was. I almost missed it, but there’s a sneaker print.”
“Are you sure? He was there? But how did he—” She closed her eyes, a strangled sound escaping her. “How did he get down that ravine?”
“Looks like our little guy climbed down.”
“But…it’s so steep. How did he….” Because she didn’t want to think of her son braving such a treacherous climb, she let the words trail.
“Maybe he climbed down to help you.”
The thought of Eddie trekking down that dangerously steep ravine to help her ripped at her, tearing her from the inside out. She’d sworn she wasn’t going to cry or succumb to hysterics, but the thought of her little boy risking his life to help her when she’d been hurt shattered the last of her control.
She put her hand over her mouth to smother a sob. “Oh, God, Buzz. He’s so brave.”
“Easy, Kel. Just take it easy for me, okay?”
“I want him back.”
“I know, honey.”
Kelly closed her eyes tightly against the tears, but they squeezed through her lashes and ran unchecked down her cheeks. The sob that tore from her throat didn’t sound at all like her. Not like Kelly Malone who’d been standing on her own two feet since she was fifteen years old. Not the young girl who’d lost not only her father, but her brother and then spent the rest of her teenaged years taking care of the broken woman who had once been her mother.
But the pain was too great and refused to be bridled. Wrapping her arms around herself, Kelly doubled over, felt a sob wrench from her throat. “Where is he?” she cried.
“Shh. Kel, hey, settle down. I want you to take a deep breath for me, okay?”
She tried to suck in a breath, but all she managed was a keening sound that echoed off the trees like the cries of a dying animal.
“Kel….”
“I want my son.”
“Come here.”
She barely heard the whispered words over the tide of grief within her. But slowly they penetrated the fog of pain, the fear of the unknown, and registered in her brain. Come here. An offer of comfort when she desperately needed it. She knew what it was like to be wrapped within those strong arms. To have that gentle voice reassure her. For those hands to caress away her pain and fear. She knew better than to give in to that kind of temptation. But Kelly was tired of being strong. Tired of being alone. For a little while, she wanted to step into that strong embrace and just be held.
Buzz took the decision away from her. Without bothering to remove his rappelling harness, he reached for her. Strong hands closed around her arms and pulled her to him. Kelly started to protest, but he shushed her gently. She didn’t remember falling against him. Or wrapping her arms around those rock-solid shoulders. She knew getting close like this was dangerous business, that she should pull away. But the next thing she knew he was holding her close, molding her body to his and she was helpless to resist. All the while the scent of his aftershave curled around her brain, reminding her of how right it had once felt to be wrapped within this man’s embrace.
“I need him back, Buzz. It’s killing me.” She was sobbing now. Wrenching sobs that bubbled up from somewhere deep inside her where the pain was unbearable and her body and heart could no longer contain it.
“We’ll get him back.”
“He’s everything to me.”
“Shh. We’ll find him.” Gently, he stroked the back of her head. “Let it out, honey. Just cry it out. I’ve got you.”
Kelly didn’t want to cry. Not again. But the pain had been hammering at her for nearly six hours now. The element of the unknown beckoned her beleaguered mind to conjure unspeakable possibilities. She simply couldn’t bear it if something terrible happened to her little boy.
“Promise me we’re going to find him,” she whispered. “Please, promise me.”
“Kel—”
“Say it,” she said fiercely. “I want to hear you say it.”
“I promise. We’ll find him. Just…be still a moment, okay?”
The rush of tears ended as quickly as it had descended. In its wake, Kelly felt calmer. Still afraid, but somehow stronger. Purged.
“Better?” Buzz asked.
She wasn’t sure why the question embarrassed her, but it did. Kelly wasn’t a helpless female, couldn’t bear for this strong man to think of her that way. “I didn’t mean for that to happen,” she said. “I don’t usually have emotional meltdowns.”
“Considering the circumstances, I won’t hold it against you.”
Tilting her head back just enough to look at him, she smiled thinly. “I appreciate that.”
“You’ve been holding it together remarkably well. You’re doing just fine.”
Only then did she realize his arms were still around her, and he was close enough for her to feel the warm brush of his breath against her cheek. Awareness zinged through her. She felt the hard planes of his body against hers, his warmth radiating into her, taking away the chill that had sunk all the way to her bones. He smelled of soap and man and the subtle scent of an aftershave that brought back a jumble of memories she was crazy to think of now.
Realizing she’d nearly trespassed into territory best left alone, she eased away from him. “Where did you see the sneaker print?” she asked.
“At the base of the ravine.”
“Where do you think he went?”
Buzz studied her intently in the ribbon of light cast by his flashlight. “I don’t think he climbed back up that wall.”
The words registered slowly. Kelly’s pulse spiked, and she took another step back. “Do you think the volunteers that came through earlier missed him?”
“Maybe. Boulder SAR is a relatively new outfit. A lot of the guys are rookies. Lots of energy and training, but they lack experience.”
A starburst of hope exploded in her heart. “They didn’t look in that ravine, did they?”
“Maybe not.”
“I need to go down there.”
“All I’ve got with me is a light tactical harness. It’s pretty basic; nothing fancy. Think you can rappel down?”
It didn’t matter if she remembered how to rappel or not. Come hell or high water she was going down there. She just wouldn’t tell him she hadn’t touched a rappelling harness since they’d scaled Deep River Gorge together over six years ago. She knew him too well to tell the truth. “Of course I can.”
“The harness is minimal. Lightweight. Think you can handle it?”
She nodded, already reaching for the harness and stepping into it. “No problem.”
Reaching around her, he looped the rope through the caribiner and doubled it back over the pine tree. “I’ll spot you from up here. Keep the light on you.”
“Okay.”
“When you reach the ravine floor, unharness yourself and I’ll pull it up and meet you down there.”
Impatient now, Kelly walked over to the edge of the ravine and looked over her shoulder at the darkness below.
“You sure you’re okay with this?” Buzz asked. “If you’re not, we can rig something and go down together.”
“I’ll be fine.”
“Just keep a grip on that rope.” He plucked off his leather gloves and handed them to her. “Use these.”
Kelly put the gloves on, gripped the rope the way he’d taught her all those years ago, then turned to face him. “I’m ready.”
“Trust your equipment, Kel. Feel your way down with your feet. Trust the rope.”
“Okay, okay,” she said impatiently. “Let’s go.”
But for all her bravado and the heady rush of newfound hope, her legs were shaking. When she’d fallen earlier in the day, the fall had seemed endless. Her body remembered every rock and every broken root that had punched her on the way down. Knowing she was about to descend the very same ravine with nothing more than a nylon rope and the vague memory of a previous rappelling experience to back her was unnerving. But the fear of falling was nothing compared to the fear of never seeing her son again. She had to do this.
Wrapping the rope once around her leather-clad knuckles, she backed to the ledge, then stepped down into the ravine. Instantly she realized the darkness was going to make her descent infinitely more difficult. But knowing she didn’t have a choice, she slid her feet inches at a time. First her right foot, then her left. Branches poked at her back and legs as she broke through the brush. Adrenaline spiked through her when her hiking boots slipped on the slick granite. She dangled for an instant before swinging her legs forward then pushing off against the rock face.
By the time she reached the ravine floor, every muscle in her body quivered with exertion.
“You okay?” Buzz shouted down to her.
“Fine.” Stepping out of the harness, she slipped off the gloves and tied them to the harness. “Go ahead and pull the harness back up.”
An instant later, the harness bumped back up the rock face.
Slipping the flashlight from her fanny pack, Kelly flicked it on and shone it down on the ground. Her heart turned over when she saw the barely discernable sneaker print in the dust. Small circles with an arrow pointing toward the toe. Buzz had been right. Eddie had been here. Guilt nipped at her that she’d missed it earlier. If she’d seen it and searched the ravine, she might have been holding him safe in her arms right now.
Needing to be close to him, Kelly dropped to her knees and pressed her fingers into the dust. “Oh, sweetheart. Mommy’s coming for you.” Bowing her head, she whispered a prayer for the good Lord to keep her son safe until she reached him.
She was still kneeling when Buzz slid the last few feet down the ravine wall. “Kel?”
The first tinges of exhaustion pressed into her as she got to her feet. Kelly looked up at him, surprised to see the raw concern in his expression.
“You okay?”
She nodded. “I’m fine. I just need to find him.”
Tugging the radio from his belt, Buzz jerked out the antenna, adjusted the squelch and barked into it, “This is Tango Two Niner, RMSAR Homer One, do you read? Clear.”
“Hey, Tango, this is Dispatch. Any luck?”
“I’ve got tracks, and I’m wondering if Eagle is out and about. Clear.”
“National Weather Service issued a wind advisory. Eagle went back to her nest. Sighting negative. What’s your twenty?”
“I’m three miles from remote camping. East ridge of White Water.”
“It’s oh one hundred, Buzz. Dogs will be there at oh six. Please advise.”
Kelly listened to the exchange. She’d always known that Buzz was the kind of man who would be good at what he did, no matter what it was. He was competitive and driven and a perfectionist to the extreme. But somehow, the breadth and width of what he did—and how good he was at it—hadn’t fully penetrated until now. At that moment, she knew she’d done the right thing by going to him. He was the best of the best. He loved what he did, he chose his team wisely, and she knew if it was the last thing he did, he would find her son.
“Advise Lake and Chaffee counties of our twenty. Let them know we found tracks. We’re going to camp for the night. Over and out.” Buzz switched off the radio and shoved it back into his belt.
Kelly just stood there a moment before realizing she was staring at him and that he was staring back. “I’m not camping,” she said.
“You’re dead on your feet,” he returned evenly.
It was true, but that didn’t mean she was going to admit it. It sure as hell didn’t mean she was going to sleep while her son wandered around lost. But Buzz was the kind of man who took care of things. The kind of man who liked to be in charge, liked to be in control. If he knew she was exhausted, he would make sure she got rest—even if that meant calling the search to a halt until morning. Kelly didn’t intend to let that happen. “I’m not tired,” she said.
“It’s 1:00 a.m.”
“I want to keep looking.”
“We need to find a place to camp for the night. Get a couple of hours of sleep—”
“Dammit, Buzz, I’m not going to stop! We just found his tracks, for Pete’s sake. If we keep going we could find him before morning.”
“If we don’t find him by morning, you’ll be about as much use to me as a broken rope.”
Kelly heard the logic in his words. She wasn’t a fool. She knew she had to pace herself. But the part of her that was a mother first couldn’t bear the thought of stopping to sleep when her little boy was huddled somewhere all alone, cold and hungry and afraid.
Shaking with the need to find him, she walked over to Buzz and met his gaze with an equally powerful one of her own. “Give me one more hour. Please. If we don’t find him, we’ll make camp and get some rest.”
Buzz sighed, his jaw flexing. “I’m going to hold you to it.”
“One hour. That’s all I’m asking.”
He looked past her, toward the small footprints in the dusty earth. “Is that where you came to after the fall?”
She nodded. “He must have come down the ravine to see if I was okay.”
He shone the spotlight over the area. “Let’s see if we can pick up a trail.”
Re-energized now that they had found a tangible clue, Kelly nodded and slipped her flashlight back into her fanny pack to conserve the batteries. She’d only gone a few steps when Buzz’s voice stopped her.
“He went this way.”
Kelly watched his spotlight play over tall grass and sparse trees where the terrain sloped gently. She could see how a young child would think the slope led down the mountain. But the fact of the matter was that the downward incline had taken him in the wrong direction, away from the campground to a higher elevation and some of the most rugged high country in the state.
“You can barely see it, but there’s a path in the grass.” Buzz shone the spotlight over the meadow.
Kelly squinted, trying not to think of how scared he must have been. “He thought the downward slope would take him back to the campground,” she said.
“Smart little kid.”
He takes after his father. The words almost slipped out, but Kelly stopped herself just in time. Now wasn’t the time to tell Buzz how many times Eddie had reminded her of him. She couldn’t talk to this man at all about the child she had chosen to keep a secret. The child he’d never wanted. She had a pretty good idea how Buzz felt about that—angry and betrayed and justifiably so.
When they were married, Buzz had made it clear he didn’t want children. She understood why. Though he’d never revealed the details, she knew about his own childhood. About the abuse he’d suffered at the hands of his father. She also knew about the four years of hell he’d gone through when he’d worked the Child Abuse Division of the Denver PD. He never talked about it, but she knew what those years had done to him. She had been there when he’d wakened in the dead of night, his hands shaking, his body slicked with sweat. In the end, Buzz had made his choice. He’d chosen the job over her, over family, and stuck like glue to his resolve never to bring a child into the world. Kelly hadn’t been able to live with that, and their marriage had slowly fallen apart.
She wondered how he would react when she told him she would be moving to Lake Tahoe next month. She wondered if he’d thought about whether or not he wanted to know his son. She wondered if he would travel to California to see him or settle for a two-week visit during summer vacation. She wondered if he would relinquish a relationship with his son for his own selfish peace of mind.
Without speaking, they started into the meadow, Buzz’s spotlight playing over the grass, sparse juniper and the ever-present rock from which the mountains had garnered their name. Lightning flickered on the horizon to the northwest. Kelly tried not to think of Eddie out there all by himself and facing the threat of a thunderstorm.
“Why didn’t you tell me about him?” Buzz asked after a moment.
Kelly thought she had been prepared for the question. Since Eddie’s birth, she’d rehearsed her answer a thousand times. But all those carefully constructed responses withered on her tongue when she looked into Buzz’s eyes. Back at the cabin, she’d seen the emotions behind those eyes. Now those emotions were gone, replaced by ice, perhaps even a thin layer of contempt. But he was so hard to read, had always been hard to read, she couldn’t be sure. And whatever defenses she’d built around herself in the last hours nearly crumpled beneath the power of his gaze.
“You never wanted children,” she managed to say.
“You did.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“I guess that could be translated as I’m wondering if you got pregnant on purpose. Maybe you figured you needed a baby, but you didn’t need me.”
“You know I wouldn’t do that.”
“That’s exactly what you did.”
Her temper jumped, like a big, wild cat hit with a jolt of electricity. Stopping abruptly, she turned to him. “Don’t you dare lay all the blame at my feet. In case it’s slipped your narrow mind, it takes two people to make a baby!”
“You were always…. I thought you were on the pill.”
“I went off the pill the day the divorce was finalized. You came to me twice after that. Twice! Both times we…. That last time….” She let the endings of both sentences hang, not wanting to think of the wrenching sadness and blinding, desperate passion they’d shared that final night. Buzz had made love to her with a desperation so powerful it scared her. It was the last time they’d been together, the last time she’d been with anyone, and she’d always known in her heart that was the night Eddie had been conceived.
Buzz switched off the spotlight. Kelly wondered if it was to conserve the battery—or to keep her from seeing his expression.
“You kept him from me, Kel,” he said. “I didn’t think you were capable of something like that.”
“Because you didn’t want him. Because you didn’t want me.”
“Did you come to this conclusion before or after you decided to walk?”
“You’re the one who made the decision,” she said breathlessly. “You made your choice. I merely followed through.”
“I had a job to do, and I did it the best way I knew how.”
Kelly struggled to pull oxygen into her lungs. Her heart bucked and stomped in her chest. She hated fighting like this. Hated opening up those painful old wounds. It had been bad enough when they were married. But with her son lost and the fear pounding like a drum inside her this was infinitely worse.
“It’s not that simple,” she said after a moment. “There was nothing simple about our marriage.”
“Marriage is cut and dried. Either you stay and try to work things out. Or you walk away and don’t look back. We both know which choice you made.”
Her temper rose like hot mercury. Memories rained down on her, pieces of her life that had gone up in smoke, fluttering down like smoldering ash, burning her. “I walked out because I know what men like you do to the people who love them.”
“Now I guess we’re getting to the heart of the matter, aren’t we?”
“You put me through three years of hell, Buzz.”
“Oh, for chrissake!”
“I saw you the night they brought you in on that stretcher. You had a bullet in your back. You were bleeding internally. You couldn’t even breathe on your own, for God’s sake! You nearly died that night. The doctors didn’t know if you’d ever walk again.”
“I was a cop, Kel. Cops get hurt sometimes. It goes with the territory. I couldn’t stop doing my job just because you didn’t like it.”
She didn’t tell him those were the same words her father had used to placate her mother. The same words her brother had used the last time she’d seen him alive. They’d scoffed at her worry. She couldn’t tell him that she would rather lose him on her terms than on the more vicious terms set forth by fate. “You had a choice.”
“I made the only choice I could,” he snapped.
“Yes, you did. And that was when I knew it wasn’t going to work.”
“That’s when you realized you didn’t have the guts to stick by me.”
“Don’t lecture me about guts!” The anger came with such force that her voice shook with it. “You turned down that corporate security position for the job with Rocky Mountain Search and Rescue. This could have turned out differently.”
“Don’t blame what happened between us on fate, Kel. Maybe it wouldn’t have worked out no matter what I did for a living.”
She stared at him, speechless, not sure how to disagree without opening doors she knew were better left closed and locked.
“You made a conscious decision and stuck by it,” he said.
“I stuck by it because I don’t want my son to have his heart ripped out by a man who doesn’t have the good sense to know when to retire. A man who would eventually draw the short straw. And I know Eddie will never have to see his father die before he’s old enough to understand how exactly final death is.”
“I guess you think it’s better that he doesn’t have a father at all?”
She thought back to when she’d lost her own father and brother. She’d only been a teenager, but she’d never forgotten the agony of that day or the dark months that had followed. Her mother had never been the same, and had quietly faded away until she was nothing more than a shell of the vibrant woman she’d once been. While her sister, Kim, had gone away to college, Kelly had cared for their mother, and she’d sworn she would never let her own children suffer the same fate.
“Yes,” she said quietly. “I do.”
Buzz remained silent, but his eyes never left hers.
Shaken by the exchange, by the truths on both sides and the echoes of pain clanging through her heart, Kelly tugged the flashlight out of her fanny pack and moved ahead of him, shining it over the tall grass. “I’m not going to discuss this with you now.”
Not waiting for a reply, she found the subtle trail in the grass and followed it. A moment later, she heard Buzz behind her. She knew eventually they would have to talk about how they were going to handle this. About whether Buzz wanted to be part of his son’s life. About whether Kelly could accept Eddie bonding with a man who spent his days jumping out of helicopters and rappelling down sheer cliffs and putting his life on the line day in and day out. Just as her father and brother had all those years ago.
Kelly knew that before this was all said and done she would have to decide if she could live with the very real possibility that she might one day have to watch her son have his heart ripped out by a man who thought he was immortal.
Chapter 4
Buzz was too angry to talk, so he lagged behind a few feet. He’d promised to give her an hour before stopping for the night, but an hour came and went and he didn’t mention it. He knew she was exhausted and running on little more than nerves and that steel determination he saw in her eyes every time he looked at her. But the truth of the matter was he didn’t want to have to sit down and look into her eyes and see all that pain or, God forbid, talk about how they were going to handle their having a son.
He knew that’s what would happen if they made camp. He simply wasn’t up to talking. He was too angry. Too off-kilter. Too damn…everything to do anything but make the situation infinitely worse. He figured they may as well keep walking until they were both too tired to talk.
The three-quarter moon was sinking low in the west when he finally spoke. “Kel, let’s pack it in for the night.”
He’d expected her to argue, felt a sharp retort sizzle on the tip of his tongue in preparation. But surprising him, she stopped and just stood there, staring into the darkness as if listening for a cry in the night that never came.
Her face glowed pale in the dim moonlight, her eyes dark and troubled. When he stepped closer, he saw the exhaustion and defeat and the tired remnants of fear in her eyes and a pang of compassion gripped him despite his efforts to remain distant.
“We’ll sleep for a few hours and start again first light,” he said.
“It’s so cold,” she said tonelessly. “I wish it wasn’t so damn cold.”
For a moment, Buzz thought she was referring to herself, then realized her own physical comforts were the last thing on her mind. She was worried about Eddie. The night was uncomfortably cold, but it wasn’t harsh enough to cause hypothermia to a child with a jacket. As long as he wasn’t wet.
Because Buzz didn’t know what else to do to comfort her, he dropped his pack and stooped to dig out one of two compact thermal sleeping bags he’d packed. Rising, he handed one to her. “Unzip this and put it around your shoulders.”
She obeyed without objection. Then, huddled within the blanket, she just stood there, staring into the darkness, listening, waiting.
Buzz had been through some intense moments with Kelly. But in all the years he’d known her, he’d never seen her like this. Bleak and filled with despair and utter hopelessness.
At a loss as to what to do next, he looked around and spotted a semi-protected area where they would be out of the wind. Picking up his backpack, he walked over to it and began unpacking. He removed the stove first and lit the wick. The flame cast yellow light on the surrounding trees and nearby outcropping of rock. A few feet away, Kelly sank down on a fallen log and put her face in her hands. She didn’t make a sound, but Buzz saw her shoulders shaking, and he knew she was crying. Jesus, he hated seeing that. He’d seen plenty of women cry over the years. He’d long since grown used to female tears. But to see this strong, stubborn woman reduced to tears tore at him like a sharp-fanged little animal.
“We’ve got to believe he’s going to be all right, Kel. Don’t let your mind get away from you,” he said after a moment.
When she raised her head and looked at him, tears shimmered like wet diamonds on her cheeks. “I ache inside. I’ve never hurt like this before. If something happens to him, I’ll never—”
“Don’t go there, damn it,” he interjected harshly. “Don’t say it. Don’t even think it.”
“I’m sorry I’m such a basket case.”
“Don’t apologize. This isn’t easy. For either of us.”
Rather than upset her, his harsh tone seemed to bolster her control. Rising, she approached him and knelt in front of the stove to warm her hands. “Is there anything I can do to help?”
Buzz passed her his backpack. “I brought some protein bars. Get out a couple, so we can eat. Put down the tarp.” He could have very well done those things himself, but he knew Kelly well enough to know that she functioned better if she was busy, no matter how minute the chore.
While she did that, Buzz pulled the first-aid kit from his pack and set it atop a relatively flat rock. “Come here,” he said.
“That’s not—”
“I’m the EMT,” he said. “Let me worry about the first aid, all right?”
She handed him one of the protein bars. “I’m too tired to argue with you.”
“Well, that’s a first.”
“Don’t get used to it.”
A reluctant smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. “Keep that blanket around your shoulders and sit down.”
Relief slipped through him when she sat down without an argument. Buzz removed an antiseptic cleansing pad, some antibiotic cream and a large square bandage. “Any headache or blurred vision?” he asked.
“No.”
“Nausea?”
She shook her head.
He cut her a hard look. “The truth, Kelly.”
She sighed. “A little bit of a headache, but it’s only because I’ve been crying.”
He wasn’t sure why it was so hard to look at her. Wasn’t sure if it was her beauty or the grief he saw in the depths of her gaze. But as he knelt in front of her to get a look at the cut on her temple, he found himself barely able to meet her eyes.
“I’m going to check your pupils.” Without giving her time to respond he put his hand gently against her crown, then flashed the light first in her left eye, then in her right. “As far as I can tell, you don’t appear to have a concussion.”
“I could have told you that.”
“Well, after we find Eddie tomorrow, I’m going to personally haul you into Lake County Hospital and make sure you get a CT run.”
Her gaze met his, the play of emotions in her eyes touching him despite his staunch resistance. “Thank you for saying that. I mean, about finding him.”
Realizing it was probably best not to talk to her when he was this close, Buzz disinfected his hands then applied a thin layer of antibiotic cream to the cut. He tried not to notice the sweet scent of her hair that rose up with her body heat into the cold night. He damn well ignored the fact that his heart rate was up, and that it didn’t have anything to do with high altitude or physical exertion—or even a lost little boy.
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