A Marriage On Paper
Kathryn Ross
Since she' d joined Dex' s new company, Alicia' s days had been full of excitement and her nights full of passion in Dex' s arms. Then she discovered she was pregnant. While she wanted the baby, would Dex still want her? He' d never shown any desire to marry.Still, the baby prompted a proposal– but no declaration of love. Alicia knew that a marriage on paper could be no substitute for the real thing, but as their wedding day approached, Alicia dared to hope differently. Until their wedding night arrived and a note fell out of Dex' s suitcase…
“Marry me, Alli, and I’ll make you happy.
“We’ll have good sex, lots of money and even more babies, if you want!”
She laughed through a shimmer of tears. “What a proposal! You’re crazy, Dexter.”
“Can I take that as a yes?” He pulled away to look at her. The car was in darkness, and all he could see was the vivid glitter of her blue eyes.
“I think you can,” she admitted softly.
Who was she kidding? she wondered with a bittersweet satire. The answer had always been yes. She had just been hoping… Her breathing faltered; her mind clouded. She had just been hoping for the impossible…that Dex would say he loved her. But she supposed numbly that you couldn’t have everything….
KATHRYN ROSS was born in Zambia, where her parents happened to live at that time. Educated in Ireland and England, she now lives in a village near Blackpool, Lancashire. Kathryn is a professional beauty therapist, but writing is her first love. As a child she wrote adventure stories, and at thirteen was editor of her school magazine. Happily, ten writing years later, Designed with Love was accepted by Harlequin Mills & Boon
. A romantic Sagittarian, she loves traveling to exotic locations.
A Marriage on Paper
Kathryn Ross
www.millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk)
CONTENTS
CHAPTER ONE
CHAPTER TWO
CHAPTER THREE
CHAPTER FOUR
CHAPTER FIVE
CHAPTER SIX
CHAPTER SEVEN
CHAPTER EIGHT
CHAPTER NINE
CHAPTER TEN
CHAPTER ELEVEN
CHAPTER TWELVE
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
CHAPTER ONE
HOW was she going to tell him? The question which had wrecked Alicia’s sleep for several nights still nagged as she answered the phone.
‘Dexter Computer Software,’ she said automatically. ‘Good morning, how may I help?’
‘Hi, Alicia, it’s Maddie McDowell here. Put me through to Dex, will you?’
The autocratic crisp tones made Alicia smile. That woman acted as if she owned this business, she thought wryly, but she admired her cool confidence. ‘I’ll just see if he’s available,’ she said in equally crisp tones, before flicking the switch through to the inner office.
‘Dex, Maddie is on line one. Have you time to speak to her?’
‘Of course. Put her through,’ was the immediate response. The deep, sexy drawl of her boss’s voice brought a shiver to her spine. Hell! she thought as she connected the call. Even the sound of Dex Rowland’s voice could turn her on.
She glared at the phone on her desk, as if it was responsible for the emotional turmoil eating her up.
It was a long phone call; the red light seemed to be on for ever. Or maybe it was just that time seemed to be dragging this morning.
She glanced at the clock above Dex’s door. It was nearly lunchtime. She would wait until he had finished this call, then go in and speak to him. This couldn’t be put off any longer.
The light on the telephone went out. This was her chance. She didn’t move. Apprehension wouldn’t let her. Maybe this was too important to blurt out in the office, she thought frantically. She’d have to find a better time.
‘Alicia, can you come in here for a moment, please?’ Dex’s voice echoing through the intercom made her jump.
Running a smoothing hand down over her simple blue shift dress, she stood up and moved towards the door.
‘Hey, great news!’ Dex grinned at her. He was leaning back in his leather chair, his hands behind his head, looking relaxed and happy.
Alicia could only look at him and think how attractive he was. Every time she met those dark eyes she felt as if he stole a little bit more of her heart. It was insidious, it was extreme, but it happened each time he looked at her.
He was twenty-seven, and he had the kind of regular, handsome good looks usually found on the movie screen. Dark hair, neatly cut, a face that was strong, a physique that always made women take a second look. Yet somehow he seemed unaware of the power his looks had over the opposite sex; his mind was usually preoccupied with his work.
Did he have any idea just how much she loved him? she wondered, with a twist of her heart.
‘Maddie loved my designs.’
‘Of course she did,’ Alicia said with a smile. ‘You’re a genius. One day you’re going to design a computer program that will make you wealthy beyond your wildest dreams.’
Dex regarded her steadily for a moment. ‘I love it when you talk dirty, Alicia Scott,’ he drawled with lazy humour. ‘Tell me some more.’
‘Well…’ She put her hands on his leather-topped desk and leaned slightly forward, warming to her theme.
He watched her absently for a moment. Her long blonde hair was drawn back from her face in a ponytail, and she wore no make-up, yet her skin was perfectly clear and fresh, her lips peachy soft, her long lashes naturally dark.
For all that, she wasn’t what you would call beautiful in the conventional sense of the word. She was more striking. Back home in America they would have described her as ‘preppy’, because she certainly had class. There was something about her that captured attention and held it. Perhaps it was the large blue eyes, the high cheekbones…or maybe it was just that she was tall and had a fabulous body which she held ramrod straight.
‘Henry Banks and George Mitton are hungry to sign you up…the letters are in your in-tray. Their esteem for your talent is very evident in the fact that they’ve both rung twice this morning, wanting to know when you’ll get back to them.’
Dex grinned. ‘Changed days, eh?’
‘Certainly are.’ There had been a time, not so long ago, when the prestigious firms belonging to Mitton and Banks would have asked, Dex who? Now they were sitting up and paying respectful attention. It was all very promising.
She leaned even further across towards him. ‘So, who are you going to choose?’
‘Neither.’ His eyes moved to the round neck of her dress. He could just see the creamy lace of her bra. It distracted him. ‘Madeline McDowell has come up with the most interesting offer.’
‘Really?’ She straightened. This knowledge disturbed her. Why, she had no idea. This was business…this was Dex’s world and he excelled in it. She merely took letters and phone calls and organised his office with brisk efficiency. That was it.
‘Do you want me to draft a letter to Mitton and Banks? Politely turn down their offers but keep your options open?’
‘Nope.’ His eyes moved to the buttons at the top of her dress. He reached out and caught her small wrist in his large hand. ‘That’s not what I want at all.’
She could hear the sexy innuendo in his voice very clearly as his thumb stroked the soft skin on the underside of her wrist. It was the only contact with her body, and yet she felt as if her whole body suddenly caught fire.
‘So, what do you want?’ Her voice was shyly hesitant, not at all steady.
He tugged at her hand, compelling her to walk around his desk. At the same time he pushed his chair backwards.
‘I think you know,’ he murmured.
‘This isn’t appropriate behaviour for the office.’ She tried to sound disapproving, but she made no effort to desist when he pulled her down on to his knee.
‘I know,’ he admitted huskily. ‘But I’ve told you before not to come to work looking so damned sexy. You’re a distraction.’
She looked down at the pale blue shift dress she wore. It wasn’t remotely sexy. It stopped at a sensible length, just above her knee, and it skimmed her figure in a way that wasn’t even slightly revealing. ‘I’m not a distraction at all.’
‘Aren’t you?’ He trailed one finger down the side of her face. The effect was so devastatingly sensual that she felt her body starting to respond to him in a very strong manner.
His finger trailed down her neck and traced the neckline of her dress. It created little shivers of sensation inside her that were deliciously tormenting. ‘Then it must be the heady mention of success. That will turn me on every time.’
‘I’ll have to remember that,’ she murmured huskily, and reached to kiss him.
At first her lips were gentle, uncertain, then he took control and the kiss deepened, became fevered with desire. Her fingers raked through the dark thickness of his hair as she pressed herself closer.
She felt him unbuttoning her dress, felt the cool caress of his fingers against her heated flesh. His hand closed over the rounded peak of her breast, brushed it with masterful, erotic strokes until she felt hard darts of wanton passion taking her over completely.
The shrill ring of the telephone interrupted them. ‘Damn!’ He broke away from her.
She wanted to tell him to leave it. She wanted him to just continue kissing her, caressing her. Wanted everything else to go away.
Their eyes met. ‘I…I can’t answer it,’ she said unsteadily. Her breathing was uneven, her mind chaotic.
He reached out and picked up the receiver from the desk in front.
‘Dex speaking.’ His voice was crisp, businesslike. Alicia found herself marvelling at his composure. No one could have guessed that two seconds ago he had been as out of control as her. Or had he? She frowned.
‘What this afternoon?’ he asked, sounding very alert.
His other hand left the rosy, aching hardness of her breast to reach for his desk diary. ‘Well, I had a lunch appointment, but it’s nothing I can’t reschedule for later,’ he murmured. ‘OK, see you then.’
Alicia started to straighten her clothing. She was buttoning up her dress as he put the phone down.
‘Sorry, Alli.’
‘That’s OK.’
‘That was Maddie. She’s set up a lunchtime meeting with a banker friend of hers.’
Alicia’s eyebrow’s rose. ‘She works fast!’
‘Yes, she’s quite a woman.’
The admiration and respect in Dex’s voice caused a stir of jealousy to rise inside Alicia. She didn’t like the feeling at all and she tried to squash it. ‘Just as long as you remember that I’m the woman you’re having the affair with,’ she reminded him with a smile, her voice light.
‘There’s no chance of my forgetting that,’ he murmured warmly. His hand went to her breast. ‘You’ve covered yourself up,’ he admonished sternly, rubbing gently over the silkiness of her dress. He smiled with satisfaction as he felt her body hardening instantly beneath his touch. ‘How about finishing what we’ve started here later on tonight?’ he suggested gently.
‘I think that’s a wonderful idea.’ Immediately she felt better. ‘You know it’s our anniversary tonight?’
He looked at her in puzzlement.
‘Twelve months since you head-hunted me from MacDales.’ She grinned. ‘Surely you hadn’t forgotten?’
He laughed. ‘Sorry, I had. But I do recall that I had to wait a full six months before I got the rest of your body.’
He grinned as he noted that he had embarrassed her. He watched the bright flush of colour under her skin. The misty uncertainty in her eyes reminded him of how young she was; just twenty.
‘Trust you to remember that date.’ She straightened his tie with tender attention to detail. ‘Better get back to work,’ she said crisply, and pulled herself away from him.
‘We’ll continue this discussion later.’ He smiled. ‘I’ll come around to your place about eight, all right?’
She nodded.
‘Will you dig last year’s accounts out of the file for me, Alli?’ he asked as she made her way towards the door. ‘I have a feeling I might be needing them soon.’
‘Yes.’ She closed the door behind her and took a deep, shaking breath. What was she going to do…what the hell was she going to do? The question beat inside her. She could have told him when he was kissing her. There was just the two of them here; there couldn’t be a better time. Now she had succeeded in putting it off again.
She went across to the filing cabinets and got out the figures Dex had asked for. Then she sat down and tried to concentrate on her work.
Half an hour later Dex emerged from his office. She noted he had put the jacket of his suit on and had combed his hair neatly back into place. ‘Will I do?’ he asked with a grin as he caught her scrutiny.
‘Very impressive,’ she answered with a laugh. ‘No one would ever guess that I had you all mussed up a little while ago.’
‘Good.’ He went across to the window and looked down towards the street. ‘Maddie’s here. I’d better go.’
‘Good luck.’ She watched as he walked towards the door.
‘Dex?’
He looked around at her a trifle impatiently.
‘You forgot the figures.’ She held the folder out to him.
‘Hell. Thanks, Alli. What would I do without you?’ He took them from her outstretched hand, flashed her a very attractive smile. ‘I probably won’t be back this afternoon. You can knock off early if you want. Just make sure the answer machine is on.’
The door closed behind him. Something made Alicia get up and go across to the window.
Despite the fact that the Australian day was at its hottest, Maddie had the top down on her silver Mercedes. Looking directly down at her, Alicia could just see the top of her dark hair, cut in a silky bob, and the fact that she was wearing a bubble-gum-pink dress that showed a provocative glimpse of the tops of her legs. As she watched Dex emerged from the building and got into the car.
Maddie reached across and kissed him on the cheek. They talked for a minute, then as she swung the car out from the kerb he took his jacket off and tossed it on the back seat.
Alicia leaned her forehead against the glass and watched as they disappeared down the busy road. Dex’s car was parked at the kerb, further down the street. The sight of it brought a smile to her lips. It was no wonder Maddie had picked Dex up; she wouldn’t have liked to be seen in his practical old vehicle. For some reason this made her feel better.
Dex deserved this break. He was the most ambitious man she had ever met, and he had worked extremely hard for success. Had ploughed all profits, all savings into his designs.
She had meant it when she had called him a genius this morning. He was talented and he had a sharp mathematical mind. She was certain that this new computer game he had developed would change his fortunes, open doors for him. And if Maddie held a few keys to those doors then that was great. She was happy for him.
But would he be happy when he discovered that he was going to be a father in a little under seven months’ time?
CHAPTER TWO
THE air-conditioning wasn’t working in the apartment. Alicia had struggled to fix it for the last hour, but to no avail. The heat was making her feel a bit sick.
‘Never mind,’ she said brightly to her sister. ‘Dex will be here soon and he’ll be able to sort it out.’
‘I wish he’d hurry,’ Victoria moaned. ‘I’ve got a load of homework to do, but in this heat all I want to do is fall asleep.’
Alicia glanced at her watch. It was seven o’clock. Maybe if she phoned Dex he would come over early. She picked up the phone and dialled his number.
There was no answer from his apartment. Where could he be until now? Surely still not discussing business with Maddie?
‘I’ll get you some iced water,’ she said to her sister as she put the phone down. ‘Maybe that will help.’
Victoria pulled a face. ‘It would be a better help if you knew how to do these formulas.’
‘I’ll have a look, but maths isn’t really my subject.’ Alicia went over to the fridge. The cool air that hit her when she opened the door was a relief. She felt like leaving it open and pulling their chairs over to sit in the open doorway.
The apartment was far too small for the two of them. There were two tiny bedrooms, with a bathroom between, and then this kitchen-cum-living room. That was it, but it was all Alicia could afford. She was supporting Victoria through school, and that took all her extra cash.
She glanced over at her sister as she threw her pencil down on the kitchen table. ‘This is impossible,’ she groaned, raking a hand through her long blonde hair in frustration.
‘It can’t be that difficult.’ Alicia poured their drinks and went to sit next to her. Although there were only three years between them, Alicia acted more like a mother towards Vicky than a sister. It had been that way since Alicia was just nine years of age and their parents had died in a car crash.
From that first night when they had found themselves at Albany House Orphanage she had felt protective and responsible. She had been the one to comfort Vicky, had remained strong and put on a brave face. It had been a first lesson on how to hide her feelings. Thinking about someone else meant you didn’t have to concentrate on your own feelings of grief, your own fears. In a way it had helped ease the pain of loss. It had certainly made her grow up quickly.
When Alicia had been old enough to leave Albany House she had taken Vicky with her. Now they were quite happy here in this apartment…usually, anyway, when the air-conditioning was working and Alicia didn’t feel quite so nauseous.
They struggled on together with the maths project. It was difficult, and they were both so absorbed in it that Alicia didn’t notice how late it was getting. It was almost nine when Dex finally arrived at their door.
‘Hi, sorry I’m late.’ He reached to kiss her cheek.
‘Are you?’ She glanced at her watch and her eyebrows rose, but she said nothing.
‘God, it’s hot in here! What have you done to the air-conditioning?’ Dex strolled over to the control box on the wall.
‘Nothing. It just won’t work.’ Alicia watched as he opened it up, studied the timing on it, turned a few buttons and snapped it down again.
Cold air gushed from the vents instantly. ‘Your sister is hopeless when it comes to anything mechanical.’ He grinned over at Vicky in a conspiratorial kind of way.
Vicky smiled back at him. ‘Thanks, Dex. You don’t know anything about formulas, do you?’
‘Let’s have a look.’ Dex sat down next to her and pulled the books closer so he could read them.
‘That air system is damn well temperamental,’ Alicia defended herself swiftly. She felt suddenly helpless. Why did Dex make her feel like that…as if her life wouldn’t run smoothly without him? She didn’t like the feeling. She had always been independent, needed no one…until she had met him.
‘This one isn’t right.’ Dex pulled a pen through a line of figures. ‘Look, there’s a very simple way to do this.’ He proceeded to do in five minutes what had taken them half an hour.
Alicia wrinkled her nose. ‘Coffee, Dex?’
‘Thanks, that would be good,’ he murmured without looking up.
‘Not for me, Alli,’ Vicky said swiftly. ‘I’m going to have a shower and an early night. I’m shattered.’
Alicia made the coffee, half listening as Dex very gently and patiently explained to Vicky where she had gone wrong with her work. She’d have to tell him about the baby tonight, she told herself forcefully. As soon as Vicky had gone for her shower she would break the news.
She handed Dex his coffee, then sat down next to Vicky, watching as she finished off her work.
Dex glanced across at her. She looked tired, he thought. He’d have to stop putting so much work on her. Sometimes he relied on her too heavily in the office. She was just so efficient, the best secretary he had ever had. He’d have to tread warily; he didn’t want to lose her.
He looked from Victoria to Alicia. In some ways they were so alike. Same delicate features, same long, naturally blonde hair. Both wearing shorts and T-shirts. Alicia didn’t look much older than Vicky…and Vicky was just a kid really.
‘How’s that?’ Vicky slid the book over towards Dex and he looked at it.
‘It’s exactly right. You’re brilliant,’ he enthused.
‘No, you’re brilliant,’ Vicky told him with enthusiastic emphasis. ‘I don’t know how Alli and I would manage without you.’
He shook his head. ‘You’d manage,’ he said quietly.
Something about the way he said those words made Alicia’s heart squeeze painfully. Maybe they would have to after she’d told him her news. The thing was that Dex didn’t love her. This was just an affair. It was wild, exciting, passionate…but it wasn’t serious. He had made it clear on several occasions that he didn’t intend to settle down and get married. Once he had said that if he did it would be when he was much older, when everything in his life was running smoothly.
‘You mean when you’ve got your pipe and slippers you’ll get a wife to match?’ she had retorted, her eyes sparkling with amusement.
He had laughed. ‘Something like that.’
‘Have you ever been serious about any of your girlfriends, Dex?’ she had asked suddenly.
His expression had changed. ‘I was engaged once…years ago.’
‘She must have been very special.’
‘She was.’ For a moment he’d been quiet, as if far away. ‘Clare and I were childhood sweethearts. We were the same age, grew up together, graduated from university together. I knew from a very young age that one day I would ask her to be my wife.’
Alicia remembered feeling hurt for a while. It was all right Dex telling her he didn’t want to get serious; she could accept that. She enjoyed their relationship, loved being with him. She was happy with the way things were—after all, she had Vicky to think about. But finding out that Dex had been in love once, had asked that woman to marry him, had made her feel disconsolate, made her wish that she could stir up such powerful emotions within him.
‘So what happened? Why didn’t you marry her?’
‘She died in a car crash on her twenty-third birthday. The morning we were to be married.’
The words had been simply said, with little emotion, yet the expression for one unguarded moment in the darkness of his eyes had been one Alicia would never forget. Her momentary pang of jealousy had melted into compassion. She knew what it was like to lose someone you loved.
‘These days I want to put all my commitment into my business,’ Dex had continued rapidly, as if speaking about work helped to chase the emotional shadows away from his mind. ‘Push my career to the limits, and play the stakes to the highest possible levels. If I had a wife and responsibilities I couldn’t take those kind of risks.’
She had gone along with him. ‘I can understand that. I don’t want to get married either. I’m twenty, Dex…I want a career and travel, success and excitement…’
She had meant those words at the time, but they echoed mockingly in her mind now.
Vicky cleared away all her books as if she was beating the clock, dumped them in her bag and headed for her room. ‘I’m just going to make a phone call,’ she muttered over her shoulder to Alicia.
Alicia looked across at Dex. He was still wearing the suit he had worn to the office today, she noted. Had he come straight from his meeting with Maddie? If so it had been a hell of a long meeting.
He met her eyes.
‘You realise that you’re a know-it-all,’ she told him lightly.
‘I prefer it when you call me a genius,’ he said with a grin.
She grinned back at him. ‘How did your meeting go, genius?’
‘Couldn’t have been better.’
‘Would you like a glass of wine to celebrate, instead of that coffee?’
‘No, thanks. I’ve already had a glass of champagne, and I’ve got to drive home.’
She very nearly said, No, you haven’t. You can stay here. But she stopped herself. It didn’t sound as if he wanted to stay. ‘It must have been a terrific outcome if you celebrated with champagne?’
‘Nothing is signed yet,’ he answered cautiously. ‘But I’m quietly confident. I have to go to Perth week after next—meet some of Maddie’s associates. I’m hoping to sign a deal while I’m there.’
‘Really?’ Alicia tried to sound pleased for him.
He nodded. ‘I’ll be relying on you to hold the fort here for me.’
She didn’t say anything.
Dex frowned suddenly. ‘Are you OK, Alicia? You look very pale.’
‘I’m fine. Just tired.’ She got up and went to pour her coffee down the sink. Then stopped with her back to him. What was she saying? She wasn’t fine at all. For a start her hormones were up the creek, she had never felt so over-emotional. She needed to talk to him. She had to tell him before she fell apart.
She turned and looked at him.
‘Dex, I have something to tell you.’ The words seemed to come out in a terrible rush.
‘It’s not about the modelling, is it?’ His voice was suddenly wary.
‘Modelling?’ She stared at him taken aback by the question.
‘Peter came in to see me this morning. Early, before you arrived.’
Alicia frowned. Peter Blake was one of her closest friends. In a way he was like the big brother she had never had. He was two years her senior and had grown up in the same orphanage as she had. He was a talented photographer now, had made a big name for himself taking terrific shots of the Queensland scenery.
‘He told me about the photographs he had taken of you,’ Dex continued. ‘In fact he brought them in to show me.’
‘Oh!’ She was surprised that Peter had done that behind her back. She had already told him that she wasn’t interested in taking up modelling.
‘They were beautiful,’ Dex said softly. ‘I was impressed.’
‘Were you?’ She smiled, embarrassed and flattered by that look in his eye, by that husky quality in his voice.
‘He told me that he had sent them to some big agency in Sydney and they were very interested in you. Then he accused me of standing in your way, obstructing your road to a rewarding career.’ His voice held an unusually harsh note. ‘I told him that you hadn’t even mentioned the offer to me, but I don’t think he believed me. Even if he did, he still continued to inform me that I was holding you back.’
‘That’s just rubbish.’ Alicia pulled away from the sink and went to stand by the table. ‘He had no right to talk to you like that.’
‘Are you going to take up the offer? Go to Sydney?’
‘No.’ She was annoyed with Peter for mentioning this to Dex. She had told him last week, when he had hot-footed over with the news, that she wasn’t interested in leaving here. Modelling was hardly a secure job; not many girls made it to the big time. Maybe if she’d been sixteen she would have stood a better chance, but not at twenty. Anyway, that was all immaterial now.
‘Why not?’
She hesitated. ‘For one thing it’s not a good time to uproot Vicky. She’s studying for exams.’
‘And you want her to have all the opportunities you never had, don’t you, Alli?’ he asked gently.
‘I want her to do well.’ Alicia shrugged.
‘There are good schools and great universities in Sydney, you know.’
She stared at him. ‘Do you want me to go?’
There was a moment’s silence, and it suddenly occurred to her that he thought she should take up the offer. Her heart pounded painfully.
He looked at her, and thought again about how young she was. ‘I want you to do well, be happy,’ he said softly. ‘You know how ambitious I am, how I’m putting all my energy into my career. I’d be a hypocrite if I said that’s OK for me but not for you. If you want something you should go out there and get it. I wouldn’t want to stand in your way…if it’s what you want….’ He trailed off and shrugged.
It wasn’t what she wanted. She hadn’t even given it serious thought. Not because of Vicky, not because she was expecting Dex’s baby, but because she couldn’t bear to leave him. She loved him with all her heart.
‘Strange how paths of opportunity seem to be opening up for both of us at the same time,’ Dex continued lightly, when she didn’t make any reply.
‘Everything happens at once.’ She tried to keep her voice light too, but it was laced with emotion even in her own ears. Dex wasn’t even a little bit in love with her. He couldn’t be, not if he was telling her it was all right if she left. ‘Trouble is, those paths seem to be leading off in different directions.’
He reached up and took hold of her hand. The next moment she was sitting on his knee.
‘That’s better,’ he murmured huskily. ‘So what are you going to do? Are you going to run off to Sydney and leave me? It sounded like a terrific opportunity the way Peter was talking.’
‘I suppose it is.’ Her voice was pensive. They should be discussing the baby, but somehow it seemed even harder to bring up the subject now that she knew he wasn’t averse to her leaving.
‘I suppose if I were to be truthful…not to mention selfish…I’d say I don’t want you to go,’ he murmured softly.
‘You don’t?’ Her heart missed a beat, her eyes widened as they met his. ‘Why?’
‘I’d miss you, that’s why,’ He smiled. ‘Apart from anything else, you’re the best damn secretary a guy could get.’
Her heart seemed to crash somewhere down near her toes. All right, so maybe a few weeks ago she’d have laughed at that. Now she felt as if she’d never laugh again. ‘I’m not going anywhere.’
He frowned as he looked into her eyes and saw the mist of tears there. ‘Alicia?’
‘I can’t go. I’m pregnant.’ She whispered the words softly. ‘Seven weeks, to be precise.’
She saw shock clearly etched on his handsome face. It was no wonder he was shocked. It wasn’t as if they had taken risks. She had been using a contraceptive.
‘It’s all right,’ she said quickly. ‘You don’t have to offer to marry me or anything…’
He shook his head, seemed lost for words. The expression of shock had been replaced by a look of guilt.
‘I’ll have to have the baby, of course,’ she continued swiftly. ‘I mean…I couldn’t contemplate the alternative.’
Still he didn’t speak.
The silence between them had never been so tense. And yet she continued to sit on his knee.
She reached out and touched his hair. ‘I’m sorry,’ she said unsteadily.
He closed his eyes. ‘Don’t say that.’
‘Why not? It’s how I feel—’
‘This is as much my responsibility as yours Alicia,’ he said finally, firmly. ‘You should have told me earlier.’
‘Why?’ She looked at him warily.
‘Because we’ve got a lot to sort out.’ His voice was calm. ‘What do you want to do?’
‘I don’t know.’ She shook her head, then met his eyes directly. ‘What do you suggest?’
He frowned, and thought for a moment. The minutes seemed to drag interminably. Alicia suddenly noticed little things, like the tick of the clock on the sideboard, the drip of the tap in the kitchen. Small, inconsequential sounds that normally wouldn’t have bothered her. Yet at this moment they seemed so loud they were almost unbearable.
Dex raked a hand through his hair in frustration. He didn’t know what to say to her. His eyes moved gently over the pallor of her skin, the wide blue eyes. It was best to be totally honest, he supposed. ‘You know I care about you deeply, don’t you?’ He ran a caressing finger down over the side of her face, but she flinched away from him as if his words had been an insult. He dropped his hand. ‘I just don’t know if I want marriage—’
‘It’s all right, Dex.’ She cut across him crisply. ‘I told you I don’t expect you to marry me. I don’t think I want to get married.’
He frowned.
‘The days of people getting married for the sake of a baby are gone, aren’t they?’ Alicia stood up. She couldn’t think straight when she was so close to him. Her mind was telling her to be practical; her body was telling her something much more emotional. ‘We’re looking at the twenty-first century, not the Dark Ages.’
‘Well…yes.’
Was it relief she could hear in his voice, or perplexity? It was hard to tell what he was feeling. The dark features were so schooled and controlled now.
She went through to the kitchen to tighten the tap and stop the drip. It was more an excuse to turn away from him and collect her thoughts for a moment than anything else.
She had thought about the possible ways this conversation might go many times over this last week. Sometimes she had imagined Dex telling her he had fallen in love with her and asking her to marry him. It was a fantasy. She had always known that the reality was going to be painful.
Dex was also glad of a moment’s respite, a chance to gather his thoughts.
Since Peter’s visit to his office this morning, his well-ordered, almost phlegmatic life seemed to have been given a good shake. A few realisations had dawned on him, among them the fact that for some time now he had been deliberately avoiding any deep analysis of his feelings for Alicia. He had been content with the status quo—to remain as it was. He was comfortable around Alicia. He liked and respected her enormously. She was mature for her years, trustworthy, fun, spirited. Perhaps he had been taking her for granted, which wasn’t very admirable of him.
It was only when Peter had said she might be leaving that his mind had been jerked awake and he had been forced to look closely at the situation. He didn’t want her to leave, was appalled at the prospect. Then guilt had stolen in. Alicia was mature for her years, but that didn’t change the fact that she was young, her whole life stretching ahead. He had no right to object to her leaving. Not unless he wanted to make more of a commitment to her. And that was where his dilemma had brooded, and remained too complex to solve.
He cared deeply for Alicia, but as to anything more…he wasn’t sure. Love was something he didn’t want to speculate on. He didn’t know if he was capable of such depth of feeling again. Since Clare he had been so determined not to get too involved, had decided it was better to just play the field and have fun. Dedicate himself to his work. That was when he had decided that if Alicia said she was leaving he’d let her go.
It had been an incredibly hard decision to make, and deep down he had hoped that she wouldn’t really want to go.
Now he found out she was pregnant with his child. He didn’t know what to do. He wanted to protect her, be with her. But that spelt commitment, and that was the one thing he had told himself he didn’t want.
Alicia came back to face him. He noticed how straight she stood, how proudly she held her head.
‘Maybe I should just pack things up here, leave Queensland for a while and head for Sydney,’ she said suddenly. ‘I could model for a few months while I still have my figure, and a new start might be what I need. At least jobs will be plentiful in the city—’
‘Don’t be crazy.’ He cut across her, his voice forceful.
‘I’m not crazy.’ She glared at him. ‘I can manage very well on my own, you know.’
Maybe she could. He knew Alicia didn’t lack courage, or determination. His eyes darkened. The thought of her struggling on her own in a big city with his child made a sudden tightness grow in his chest. He pictured the baby going through different stages of development with no influence from a father. Or, worse, Alicia marrying someone else. Someone who would bring his child up. The very thought made him get up from the chair. ‘You are not on your own,’ he said firmly. ‘You’ve got me.’
Her eyebrows lifted ever so slightly at that.
‘We could live together.’
She looked surprised by the suggestion, nearly as surprised as he felt. The idea had flown into his mind from out of nowhere.
She was silent, her heart thumping against her ribs. The idea gave her a moment of pleasure.
‘The baby could take my name; we could put it on the birth certificate,’ Dex said, warming to the theme. The more he thought of it the more it seemed a practical answer.
She frowned. He would be happy for the baby to have his name, but not for her to have it. That hurt. She shook her head. ‘No.’ The word came out more vehemently than she’d intended.
‘At least think about it.’
‘I don’t have to think about it. I don’t like the idea. For one thing, I don’t want my child to have a different name from mine.’
‘Why?’ He sounded genuinely perplexed. ‘It happens a lot nowadays, and as you said yourself we are in modern times.’
‘A few moments ago you were urging me to follow my dream and go to Sydney. Now you’re telling me you want the baby to have your name. What next? After it’s born are you going to suggest waving goodbye to me and getting a nanny for my baby?’
‘That’s unfair, Alli. I wouldn’t do that. And anyway, I didn’t know you were pregnant a few moments ago.’
‘Do you like the idea of being a father?’ she asked him abruptly.
‘Yes,’ he answered without reservation, and that took him aback. He frowned. ‘Yes…I really do.’ He spoke with a kind of wonder that wasn’t lost on Alicia.
She was pleased by his reaction, yet saddened by it too. If only he had discovered such a depth of feeling for her.
Dex raked a hand through his hair and continued calmly. ‘But I’m not trying to manipulate the situation to get custody of my child—’
‘My child,’ Alicia corrected him quietly. ‘I will have sole custody, care and control.’
‘Hell, Alli, you’re talking as if we’re getting a divorce, and we’re not even married.’
She shrugged. ‘We may as well be honest about things. There’s no point in pretending.’
‘And living together and giving our child my name will be pretending, will it?’ He sounded annoyed now.
‘There’s nothing wrong with living together. But in our case it will be pretending to have feelings that we just don’t have for each other.’
He was grim-faced now.
She waited for a moment, to see if he would argue with her about that, but he didn’t. She swallowed on a sudden lump in her throat. She hoped she wasn’t going to cry. Her pride was dented enough as it was. ‘Well, now that we’ve examined our feelings for each other, and found them totally lacking in substance, perhaps it would be the right time to end our relationship.’ She took refuge behind a bright, flippant tone.
His expression changed to one of incredulity. ‘What kind of suggestion is that, when we’re going to be parents soon?’
‘It’s the kind of suggestion a woman makes when she doesn’t want to end up feeling used.’ Alicia smiled, a crooked, and uncertain smile. ‘Better to finish the intimate side of our relationship while we still respect each other and are good friends.’
‘We have been good friends, haven’t we?’ he reflected gently.
‘The best.’ She took a deep breath. ‘Pity we couldn’t have fallen in love.’
He stared at her as if she had said something deeply profound.
‘Look, I think you had better go,’ she said with quiet dignity. She felt that she needed to be on her own now. Console herself, try and and think positively. ‘I’m tired, and—’
‘Alicia, I don’t want our relationship to end.’
‘Dex, you’re the father of my baby. But as for anything else—’
‘Marry me,’ he said suddenly.
She stared at him, taken aback, wondering if maybe she had misheard.
He went across and took hold of her by the arms, staring down into her face with earnest eyes. ‘I think if I let you walk away from me now, take my child out of my life, it will be something I will always regret.’
‘Dex, you don’t want to get married…we’ve been through this. We’ve decided that nobody gets married for the sake of a baby any more—’
‘I’ve changed my mind.’ He grinned. ‘It’s not solely the prerogative of a woman, you know.’
‘Dex, you’re acting crazy.’
He shook his head. ‘No…I’ve just realised how much I want this baby. I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life. I want to give him or her a solid home-life, security, love.’
‘Very commendable.’ Her voice shook with anger. How dared he talk with such lavish emotion about their baby and yet propose so coldly to her? ‘But I can manage to give my child all the love and security it needs, thank you.’ She didn’t want Dex’s proposal. She’d rather be on her own than stuck in a loveless marriage.
‘Are you turning me down?’ He looked stunned.
If this hadn’t been so serious it would have been amusing, she thought. Dex was so supremely confident that it had probably never occurred to him that any woman could turn down his proposal of marriage.
‘Yes, I’m turning you down.’ She stepped away from him, her head high, her eyes flashing fire. ‘I told you I don’t want to get married.’
‘You weren’t really serious about leaving here… You can’t, not now you’re pregnant. You need me.’
‘No, I don’t,’ she snapped positively. She was in love with him, she wanted him, but she wouldn’t lower herself to accept him on these terms.
‘Don’t be ridiculous. You can’t manage on your own.’
‘Dex, we’re talking about the rest of our lives. That’s not something that should be decided on a whim. Now I think you should go.’ She needed to get him out of her apartment fast, while she still had her anger and her pride to hold on to.
He followed her towards the front door. ‘OK,’ he agreed with her solemnly. ‘It’s not something that can be decided rashly.’
‘Exactly, and a loveless marriage would just make all of us unhappy.’
She was aware that he was standing very close behind her. As she started to open the door he stretched across her and closed it again.
‘But love could grow.’ He whispered the words softly, his mouth against her hair, tickling her ear. She could feel the warmth of his body, smell his cologne. ‘It isn’t something that has to happen instantly, with a crash of cymbals and a choir singing Hallelujah.’
Her anger dissolved as quickly as it had erupted. Dex was a realist, a pragmatic businessman. He would think she was the most foolish woman in the world if she were to tell him that her love for him had been instant. From the first moment she had looked into his eyes she had known deep down that this was the man she wanted.
‘And to be honest, Alicia, I don’t think couples who rush into marriage with love shining a blinding light in their eyes are exactly thinking straight either.’ Dex shrugged. ‘When the lamplight dims and the magic starts to wane, the survival of any marriage depends on the couple’s ability to work at things. Suddenly it boils down to little things, like how much you’ve really got in common.’
‘And how much have we got in common?’ Alicia asked him with a wry smile.
‘A lot. Don’t you see, Alicia? We’re good friends; that has to be the most solid foundation of all to build a marriage on.’
‘Next you’ll be making a computer program of it,’ she murmured, a tinge of sarcasm in her voice. ‘I can see it now: ‘PLAN YOUR COMPATIBILITY BY COMPUTER or HOW TO SURVIVE MARRIAGE USING THE PRAGMATIC PC.’
Dex didn’t say anything for a moment. Then he grinned. ‘You know, that might be a good idea—’
‘Dex, I was joking,’ she cut across him impatiently.
‘I know you were joking, but it wasn’t a bad idea.’
‘Except that a computer can’t analyse feelings—’
‘Or sexual compatibility.’ Dex reached to take her hand and turned her to face him. ‘I’ll have to do some further research into it.’ He studied her silently for a few minutes.
Her lips were soft and inviting, her eyes misty with uncertainty. For all her bravado she was scared; he knew that. He bent his head and gently kissed her.
Her lips were sweet and trembling for a moment, then his kiss deepened.
She clung to him, responding hungrily to his touch. Maybe he was right. Marriage was a good solution.
He released her then, and smiled down at her. ‘We’ve certainly got the latter in abundance.’
‘The latter?’ She couldn’t think straight now.
‘Sexual compatibility.’ He grinned as her cheeks flushed a bright red.
She pulled away from him, her heart pounding. ‘But that isn’t enough to sustain a marriage, Dex, and you know it.’ Her voice was unsteady.
‘It’s a good start.’ He was unrepentant.
‘You can’t plan a marriage like a business campaign. Any relationship, whether it be living together or marriage, needs love to sustain it.’
He noted the shimmer of tears in her eyes now. ‘Oh, sweetheart, don’t look at me like that. It breaks my heart,’ he said softly. ‘I care about you so much…more than any woman in a long, long time.’
‘And I care about you.’ She lowered her eyes away from him. ‘But it’s not enough, is it?’
‘Look, we’re both tired; we need to sleep on things.’ His voice was infinitely gentle. ‘Let’s discuss this over dinner tomorrow night. I’ll book a table at Romanio’s.’
‘I don’t know.’ His closeness confused her. ‘I think we’ve said all there is to say.’
‘Now you know that isn’t true.’ He traced a finger over the trembling softness of her lips. ‘Come on, Alli. I’m just asking you to have dinner with me…please.’ His voice was low and huskily inviting. It sent her blood surging through her veins in a way that sizzled.
She nodded. Tomorrow night would be good. Vicky usually went straight to her friend’s house on a Friday night. Sometimes she slept over. It would give them time and space to sort something out.
‘Thank you.’ He bent and kissed her briefly on the lips.
‘You won’t say anything to anyone, will you, Dex?’ she asked him suddenly. ‘I mean about the baby. I’d rather wait until further into the pregnancy.’
‘That’s fine by me.’ Dex smiled at her. ‘See you in the morning.’
CHAPTER THREE
ALICIA was dealing with an irate phone call from a company who wanted to buy Dex’s new computer game. She was being polite and firm, telling them they were launching the product themselves.
At the same time she was filling in a form and running off a letter on the computer.
Dex came out of his office with Maddie McDowell at his side. He smiled at Alicia. ‘Fielding nicely,’ he murmured as he heard her tell the company that they would keep them in mind for next time.
Alicia put the phone down and grinned. ‘Got to keep everyone happy.’
‘You could get a gold medal for that,’ Dex said, a slightly husky note creeping into the words.
Alicia tried not to blush, aware that Maddie was listening, and said briskly, ‘I need you to sign this form when you have a moment.’
‘Fine.’ Dex reached across and turned the form, signing it with his usual flourish.
‘Shouldn’t you read that?’ Maddie enquired smoothly.
Alicia opened her mouth to tell her that Dex had already vetted it once, but Dex answered before she could get a chance. ‘No need. Alicia is a brilliant secretary.’ He straightened and smiled. ‘Competent, efficient. I trust her implicitly.’
‘Really?’ Maddie’s voice had a slightly wary edge, but her smile didn’t falter. ‘Good, then we can leave this list in your capable hands.’ She put a piece of A4 paper down on Alicia’s desk.
‘What is it?’ Alicia looked down at it, then up at the woman.
Maddie’s appearance was as perfect as ever, she noted Her suit was a pale lilac, cool and feminine. Her lipstick, a vivid sweet-pea-pink, seemed to match her perfume, a flowery yet overpowering scent. Her dark hair, as always, sat in a perfect shining bob. Did Maddie never have a bad hair day? Alicia wondered dryly.
‘It’s a vital list of potential customers that we have to get back to,’ Dex answered. ‘I need you to put the information on the computer for me.’
Alicia nodded. ‘I’ll do it straight away.’
‘Great. All right, Maddie, we’re on track for Tuesday, and our meeting with the accountants, it seems.’
The woman smiled. ‘Indeed it does. I’ll look forward to it.’
The phone rang and Alicia snapped it up. ‘Oh, yes. Hold on a second, I’ll see if he’s free.’ She covered the receiver. ‘Your accountant,’ she mouthed to Dex.
He nodded. ‘I’ll take it in my office. See you Tuesday, Maddie.’
As the door closed behind him, Maddie lingered beside Alicia’s desk.
Alicia looked up at her.
‘Do you think I could have a glass of water?’ the woman asked. ‘I’ve got a terrible headache…must be the heat outside.’
‘Yes, of course.’ Alicia got up and went over to the small room that led off her office, where she made tea and coffee. She took a bottle of mineral water from the fridge and poured a glass. Then brought it back out to Maddie.
The woman smiled at her. She opened a packet of aspirins that she had taken from her handbag and took one with a sip of the water.
‘That’s much better, thank you.’ She put the glass down on the desk, and as she did so her fingers caught on a stack of paperwork sitting there, causing them to fall to the floor in a jumbled heap. ‘Oh, no! I’m so sorry.’ She bent to try and retrieve them.
‘It’s OK,’ Alicia said soothingly. ‘I’ll sort it out.’
‘Well, if you’re sure. I’m really sorry.’
‘It will only take me a moment,’ Alicia assured her. ‘I’ve got them all numbered.’
‘Fine.’ The woman stood up, and with a sugary-sweet smile left the office.
It took Alicia longer than she had anticipated to clear the mess. She was still doing it when Dex emerged from his office a while later.
‘Hell, what a day,’ he muttered. ‘I was hoping we would finish a little early.’
‘When have you ever finished early?’ Alicia smiled.
He thought about that for a moment, then gave a rueful shrug.
‘At least you managed to get a lunch-break today.’ Alicia finished filing away the last of the papers from the floor and returned to her desk. ‘Did you reserve our table at Romanio’s?’ she asked him casually.
‘First thing I did this morning. I’ll pick you up at eight.’
She looked up and met his eyes. They had been so busy in the office today there hadn’t been a moment to think about their situation, let alone talk about it.
‘Fine.’ There was a moment’s silence. She felt awkward suddenly. It was crazy. They had gone out together for so many meals, yet she felt the strain between them, the knowledge that this date was different.
‘I’ll just put this information into the computer before I finish up here.’ She changed the subject and reached for the piece of paper that Maddie McDowell had put on her desk. She frowned as she found it wasn’t there.
She looked down on the floor under the desk, wondering if it had fallen.
‘What’s the matter?’ Dex asked.
‘That list Maddie put on my desk isn’t here.’
‘It must be there.’
Alicia bit down on her lip, trying to think what could have happened to it. ‘Maybe it fell on the floor with the other papers.’ She spoke almost to herself.
‘Hell, Alicia, that list is important,’ Dex grated. ‘You could have been more careful.’
‘I was careful; it was on my desk, and I haven’t touched it.’
‘Maybe it floated out of here on its own?’ Dex muttered sarcastically.
Alicia glared at him. ‘It must have fallen with some papers that Maddie knocked over. Maybe I’ve filed it mistakenly with one of them.’
Dex shook his head and returned to his office.
An hour later Alicia still hadn’t found the list. She had been through every file and frustration was building.
Dex came out as she was starting to go through them again.
‘You’d better finish up,’ he said gently.
She glanced at her watch. It was almost six-thirty! ‘Perhaps you should cancel our table. I don’t think I’ll be able to relax until I’ve found this blasted list.’
‘Forget the list.’ Dex walked across and closed the filing cabinet firmly. ‘I don’t want to cancel our table.’
She met the dark, intense look of his eyes, and she sighed. ‘I don’t know where it could have gone, Dex—’
‘Look, just forget it now. I’ll sort it out. You go home and relax for a while. I’ll pick you up at eight o’clock.’
Alicia hesitated, then nodded. She did feel tired. She needed a leisurely shower and a few moments to herself before dinner. It had been a gruelling day.
‘OK, see you later.’
As soon as she’d left, Dex started to go through the files himself.
Alicia couldn’t stop thinking about that list. It plagued her as she had her shower; it mocked her as she put on her make-up and styled her hair. What on earth could have happened to it? Things didn’t just vanish into thin air.
Dex was punctual picking her up. He had changed into a lightweight pair of beige trousers and a khaki-coloured shirt. He looked relaxed, unconcerned as she brought up the subject of the missing list. ‘I thought we were forgetting about that,’ he said as he opened the passenger door of his car for her.
‘I can’t.’ She waited until he had got into the car beside her before continuing, ‘It’s just so weird, Dex. I’ve never lost anything before.’
Dex shrugged. ‘You’re under a lot of strain…got more important things on your mind, I suppose. Don’t worry about it any more. I rang Maddie and she has kept a copy. So it’s not a disaster.’
Alicia frowned. ‘I may be pregnant, Dex, but that doesn’t make me incompetent.’
‘I didn’t say it did.’ He shrugged.
‘I just can’t think what could have happened to it. One moment it was on my desk…the next gone.’
‘Maybe aliens beamed it up.’ Dex grinned. ‘This could be the first case of industrial sabotage by Martians.’
‘A Martian named Maddie, perhaps?’ Alicia said lightly.
He looked over at her with a raised eyebrow. ‘Now why would Maddie take our list when she was the one who brought it over?’
‘I don’t know.’ Alicia’s voice was flat. The idea that Maddie had taken it when she’d been out getting her that glass of water had taken hold as she’d dressed this evening. But she couldn’t for the life of her think why the woman would do such a thing.
‘Maddie seemed to find the incident amusing,’ Dex laughed. ‘She reminded me that I had just called you competent and efficient this afternoon…many a word spoken in haste, repented at leisure.’
‘I am competent and efficient,’ Alicia said heatedly.
‘Of course you are.’ Dex was soothing now. ‘Look, let’s just forget this. We’ve got more important things to think about.’
‘Yes…you’re right,’ she agreed.
There was silence as he parked the car.
Romanio’s was on the seafront. A delightful restaurant, open to the tropical heat of the night, where candlelight flickered invitingly on the tables.
A waiter showed them to a quiet table in the corner and left them to peruse the menu. Alicia could hear the sound of the sea as it broke against the shore. The night was very still, only the small fan whirring above them on the ceiling broke the heavy feeling in the air.
‘Have I told you how beautiful you look tonight?’ Dex asked suddenly.
She looked across at him and met his eyes. ‘Thank you.’ She smiled, feeling shy. She was wearing a pale pink summer dress. It had a round neck and a long skirt. It was feminine and pretty, but she knew she didn’t look beautiful.
‘How are you feeling?’
She smiled. ‘Surprisingly well.’
He shook his head. ‘I was thinking about you when I got into bed last night.’
‘Oh?’ Her eyes lit with amusement. ‘Sounds a bit X-certificate. Are you sure you should be telling me this?’
‘No, actually, I’m not.’ He grinned. ‘I kept thinking, I’ll have to go easy on Alicia, not put so much work on her shoulders. Then today…what do I do? I pile more than ever on to your desk.’
Alicia laughed at that. ‘I’m not ill, Dex.’
‘Even so, you must tell me if you can’t manage. I can always get a temp in. It’s the worst possible time, of course, to make changes in the office, but I don’t want you feeling under pressure.’
‘Dex.’ She leaned further forward. ‘Watch my lips. I feel perfectly fine.’
‘No morning sickness?’
She shook her head.
‘No weird cravings?’
She hesitated, and her lips curved in a teasing smile. ‘Nothing I want to admit to in a public place.’
He laughed at that. ‘And by the way.’ He leaned forward the way she had a moment ago. ‘I like watching your lips,’ he told her softly. ‘They are extremely tempting, kissable lips.’
‘It’s talk like that that got us into this predicament in the first place,’ she joked, yet she felt the heat of longing steal through her at his words, at the look in his eyes.
The waiter came to take their order.
‘As I recall you brought me to this restaurant on our first real date,’ Alicia remarked when they were left alone again.
‘By “real date” I suppose you mean the first time I’d got my nerve up to make a pass at you.’ Amusement glinted in the darkness of Dex’s eyes for a moment.
‘Who are you trying to kid?’ Alicia smiled. ‘You didn’t need to get up any nerve. You were always a very confident Romeo, Dexter Rowland. I know I had to field a lot of your girlfriends in my first six months of working for you. What was it you used to tell me to say? “Sorry, he’s away at a conference,” Or the other favourite line, “He’s in a meeting.”’
‘Ouch!’ Dex grinned. ‘But I was nervous about asking you out, Alicia. We’d always been good friends and I was frightened to spoil that.’
‘I know what you mean.’ Alicia thought back. ‘Do you remember when we both worked at MacDales? You always used to say that one day you would leave and start up your own business. We’d loiter over lunch while you dreamed up wild plans for your future, usually culminating in you being worth a fortune before the age of forty.’
‘Couldn’t I plan anything more original than that?’ Dex smiled.
‘You were the most ambitious man I’d ever met.’
‘You were the most beautiful secretary I’d ever met. I used to envy old Jim MacDale having you floating around his office.’
‘No, you didn’t. You hardly noticed me back then.’
‘So how come I came back to get you once my business was off the ground?’ he enquired softly.
‘At the time you gave me a lot of convincing spiel about it being good business sense.’ She grinned. ‘And I knew the work, I was good on computers.’
‘Well, there was that,’ he acknowledged with a wry smile. ‘But it has worked. We’ve been good together.’
‘Yes, I suppose we have,’ she acknowledged softly.
‘So how about making it permanent?’ he asked quietly. ‘I meant what I said to you last night. Marry me, Alli.’
Her heart bounced crazily against her chest. ‘I know I’m a good secretary, Dex, but you don’t need to go to these lengths.’ She tried desperately to hide how vulnerable she was behind a screen of light-hearted humour.
‘I think I do.’ He was very serious.
She was saved from having to make a reply to that by the waiter bringing their meals.
‘What do you say?’ he prompted her as soon as they were left alone again.
She wrestled with her conscience. She wanted so much to just say yes, but the easy option, the one you wanted with all your heart, wasn’t always the right one. ‘You’ve always maintained that marriage wasn’t an option for you…or if it was it would be when you’re old and grey and settled in your ways.’
‘I’ve changed the plan,’ he said wryly.
‘For all the wrong reasons.’ She toyed with the food in front of her. ‘Unlike you, I’ve had a few weeks to think about this situation, Dex. And, yes, I know we’re good together—’
‘Wildly good,’ he interrupted her, a gleam in his eyes.
She smiled, a tremulous half-smile, as she tried to keep her mind clear. ‘Wildly good.’ She nodded. ‘But it’s not enough. I meant it when I said last night that you can’t build a marriage without love, and I want everything,’ she murmured sardonically. ‘Including the band and the crash of cymbals.’
‘I’ll get down on one knee if you want me to?’
She looked across and met the humour in his expression with a wry smile. ‘In my condition that could be dangerous.’
He raised one eyebrow.
‘I could fall off the chair in shock.’
‘You’ve got a warped sense of humour, Alli.’ He grinned, then reached into his shirt pocket and brought out a small blue velvet box. ‘Maybe this will help.’
She looked at him questioningly.
‘Aren’t you going to open it?’
She reached to pick it up. Inside there was a large solitaire diamond, square-cut, exquisite. It took her breath away.
‘The jeweller said that if it doesn’t fit you can bring it in and he’ll adjust it.’
‘It’s beautiful, Dex. When did you get it?’
‘What do you think I was doing today in my lunch-hour?’ he asked with a raised eyebrow. ‘You don’t think I have time to eat, do you?’
She smiled and closed the box. ‘It’s a beautiful ring. Thank you, Dex. It’s a lovely gesture.’ Somehow she kept her voice steady.
He frowned. ‘It’s not a gesture. It’s a proposal—a sincere, serious proposal.’
‘But not as sincere as when you proposed once before, to…what was her name? Clare?’ For a second she lost control of her voice and it trembled.
His features darkened. ‘That was a long time ago. I was another person back then.’
‘You were in love; you still remember what it feels like.’
‘I remember the pain of losing her.’ He spoke bluntly. ‘I remember not being in control of my emotions for a long time after her death. If that’s what love does to you…’ He shook his head. ‘I never want to feel that loss again.’
It was the first time he had ever spoken so openly about that period of his life. Alicia felt the rawness in his words, saw it in his eyes. It shocked her. It made her look at him differently. She’d thought she knew him so well…he was the strong businessman, always in control, realistic. But was he that hard-headed? Was this man, who was always so measured when it came to talking about his emotions, simply frightened of letting go…scared of risking love again?
The idea started a flicker of hope within her. If he was serious about marrying her, maybe given time he would fall in love again. Perhaps if she was patient…
She cleared her throat, trying desperately to be sensible, but there was a small voice inside urging her to throw away caution and abandon pride, tell him she had enough love for the two of them.
‘I care about you.’ Dex’s voice was grim. ‘I’ll look after you, Alicia. That’s as much as I can promise…I’m sorry.’
His flat tone dampened her romantic daydreams.
‘I don’t want to be looked after.’ Her voice was quiet, barely audible. She had been ‘looked after’ in the home where she’d grown up. She knew how miserable life could be without someone who really loved you.
‘As I see it, the most important point is that we are expecting a child. We no longer have the luxury of putting ourselves first.’
Alicia didn’t say anything. She was tempted to just agree with him. She took a deep breath. ‘But the fact remains that if I wasn’t pregnant we would never have considered getting married. What we’ve had has been exciting, but never serious.’
His features tightened. ‘If you weren’t pregnant you would be skipping off to Sydney, you mean. And our affair, for all its wild excitement, would be forgotten.’
Nothing was further from the truth, but some gleam of pride made her look across the table, meet his eyes and say steadily, ‘Maybe you’re right.’
She was rewarded by a brief expression of disquiet in the darkness of his eyes. But her small feeling of accomplishment was short-lived. This was too important to play mind games with. ‘But let’s face it, Dex, the idea of marrying me never crossed your mind before yesterday. So what on earth is the point of rushing into something you don’t really want? Especially now.’ Alicia picked up her knife and fork and proceeded to eat her meal, although she had absolutely no appetite. She wondered how she was managing to keep so calm…so realistic…when it was nothing to the way her heart felt. ‘Your business is in a delicate period of transition. Your finances are stretched.’
‘I never realised that finances made such a difference to you.’ Dex was very cool now.
‘They don’t—’
His eyes flicked over the heightened colour in her face. ‘Except that Peter has filled your head with ideas of the colossal money to be made as a top model.’
‘How many people rise to be top models?’ Alicia was dismissive. ‘Anyway that has nothing to do with this.’
‘Like hell it doesn’t.’ He stared at her intently. ‘You’re thinking about not having the baby, aren’t you?’
‘That couldn’t be further from the truth.’ She was horrified by the suggestion.
‘So why won’t you marry me?’
She put down her cutlery and leaned back in her chair. ‘I’ve told you. Because it doesn’t feel right.’
‘I’m not always going to be strapped for cash, Alicia,’ he said seriously. ‘I’m going to be very successful. You do believe in me, don’t you?’
‘Of course.’ She looked across at him earnestly. ‘This has nothing to do with money or success or power, or anything like that, it’s to do with you and I.’
He didn’t look convinced. There was silence for a while. She put her knife and fork straight on her plate; she couldn’t eat anything more, felt that if she had another mouthful of food it might stick in her throat.
‘Do you want to order something else?’ he asked.
She shook her head.
‘You should eat something more, you need to keep your strength up.’
Alicia’s lips twisted in a wry smile. ‘I can take care of myself, Dex. You don’t have to start worrying about me.’
He put up his hand and summoned the waiter. ‘Do you think we could have the bill, please?’ he asked politely.
Looking across at him now, Alicia could see a shuttered expression on the handsome face. He seemed withdrawn, remote.
‘Dex, don’t be angry with me,’ she said quietly. ‘How can I agree to something when I know deep down it just isn’t going to work?’
He didn’t say anything to that.
She watched as he paid the bill and then picked up the ring box from the table. ‘Let’s go, shall we?’
Numbly she followed him out of the restaurant. They crossed the quiet road towards the car.
It was a clear, moonlit night. The sea looked a silver colour, and the palm trees that lined the beach were dark silhouettes.
There was a children’s playground under the trees. A couple were pushing a little girl on a swing and her laughter drifted on the night air. It was the only sound except for the sea.
They got into the car, but Dex didn’t start the engine right away.
‘We could be like them.’ Dex nodded his head in the direction of the couple.
She felt her heart squeeze inside.
‘But you’re throwing it all away.’
She couldn’t answer him, couldn’t find the strength to answer him.
‘OK we don’t love each other,’ he grated. ‘But we’re friends…we’re good together in bed.’
‘Too good.’ It took a lot to find the fortitude to joke now.
‘I want our baby, Alicia.’
‘I know.’ Her voice was very quiet. He wanted the baby more than he wanted her.
‘But what happens after you get bored with the good sex?’ Her voice crumbled. ‘I mean, I suppose, apart from Clare, you’ve never kept a girlfriend past a few months, Dex.’
‘You mean when you’re past your sell-by date?’ He grinned, with a return to his good humour.
‘Something like that.’ Her lips twisted in bitter amusement.
‘OK, since Clare I’ve never wanted to settle down… But then I never figured I’d be this excited about becoming a dad.’
Something about the way he said those words made her want to melt inside.
She made no effort to resist as he took her into his arms.
He found her lips and kissed her, a long, sweet kiss that made her senses reel.
She felt his hands on her body, stroking her, caressing her.
Her breathing was uneven; she could feel her heart pumping against the silky coolness of his hand.
Her heart was his; it always had been. He only had to lay a hand on her to stake his claim.
‘Marry me, Alli, and I’ll make you happy. We’ll have good sex, lots of money and even more babies, if you want!’
She laughed through a shimmer of tears. ‘What a proposal! You’re crazy, Dexter.’
‘Can I take that as a yes?’ He pulled away to look at her. The car was in darkness, and all he could really see was the vivid glitter of her blue eyes.
‘I think you can,’ she admitted softly.
Who was she kidding? she wondered with bittersweet satire. The answer had always been yes. She had just been hoping… Her breathing faltered; her mind clouded. She had just been hoping for the impossible…that Dex would say he loved her. But she supposed numbly that you couldn’t have everything…
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