Secrets and Dreams
Jean Ure
The latest novel from bestselling author Jean Ure - perfect for fans of Jacqueline Wilson and Cathy CassidyA warm-hearted story of friendship, school life and drama – and the perils of sharing a secret… After all, even best friends don’t tell each other everything…
Copyright (#ulink_2a47450a-4b70-5d5a-aed4-53359d84070f)
First published in Great Britain by HarperCollins Children’s Books in 2015
HarperCollins Children’s Books is a division of HarperCollinsPublishers
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Copyright © Jean Ure 2015
Cover design © HarperCollinsPublishers 2015 Illustrations © Shutterstock.com (http://www.Shutterstock.com)
Jean Ure asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work.
A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.
All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, down-loaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins.
Source ISBN: 9780007553952
Ebook Edition © 2014 ISBN: 9780007554003
Version: 2014-10-24
For Ellie-May Lambourne
Contents
Cover (#uedbe6e10-c08c-5521-8b08-ad8fae719731)
Title Page (#uec06b75a-3b66-57a4-adeb-cf606e9af538)
Copyright (#u4fe1b017-3f5d-57a3-b537-04960cab8d88)
Dedication (#uac678add-8c78-5d03-9ad5-bc0946a30ffe)
Chapter One (#uce1618c3-d060-5a10-b853-6d69ab973e42)
Chapter Two (#u26039cf9-57ef-5d3e-ab78-f5cc1c2f3c00)
Chapter Three (#u51cedca4-be8c-56c3-98c4-b586ebc3e1d5)
Chapter Four (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Five (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Six (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Seven (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Eight (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Nine (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Ten (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Eleven (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Twelve (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Thirteen (#litres_trial_promo)
Also by Jean Ure (#litres_trial_promo)
About the Publisher (#litres_trial_promo)
If Mum and Dad hadn’t won the lottery, I would never have gone to boarding school.
If Gran hadn’t given me her collection of Enid Blyton books, I would never even have thought of going to boarding school.
And if I hadn’t caught the chicken pox from my dear little sister, I wouldn’t have started a week late; and if I hadn’t started a week late I might not have got tied up with Rachel and her problems.
Not that I realised straight away that Rachel had any problems. That came later. When we first met she just seemed a bit … well, different, I suppose. But I was different too! Nobody else’s mum and dad had suddenly won the lottery and come into lots of money. We were both keeping secrets, I guess.
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When Mum asked me and Natalie to sit down, saying she had something to tell us, we knew at once it had to be something exciting cos Mum’s face was all scrunched and eager. But when she said that she and Dad had won the lottery we were, like, WOW! Well, I was like wow. Nat was more like punching the air and screaming.
“Now, just calm down,” begged Mum. “I know it’s cause for celebration but we don’t want to go mad.”
Too late! Nat was already going mad. Round and round the room, springing and leaping, and shouting out.
“We’ve won the lott’ry, we’ve won the lott’ry!”
I turned, wonderingly, to Mum.
“Are we rich?”
“Well, it’s not a rollover,” said Mum. “Hardly a drop in the ocean it’d be, to some folks. The Queen, for instance. But for me and your dad –” a big happy beam stretched across her face – “for me and your dad it’ll make all the difference in the world. Well, for the whole family, obviously! I just meant that me and your dad won’t have to struggle any more. And maybe – no promises! – we might be able to indulge you both just a little bit!”
“Does that mean I can have a dog?” cried Nat. “Oh, please, Mum, please! Say that I can!”
Nat had wanted a dog for as long as anyone could remember. Mum had always said it wasn’t possible, living in a small flat. But now we didn’t have to. Now we could move! We could move anywhere we wanted. Even to one of the big expensive houses in the posh part of town. The ones Mum was always sighing over.
“What it must be like,” she used to say, as we drove past in Dad’s little old rattling van. “All that space!”
Oh, and I would be able to have my own room at long last. I was thirteen! I needed my privacy. It is no fun having to share with your little sister, especially one as messy as Nat. I’m sure by the time I was eleven I’d learnt to be a bit more considerate.
“Know what?” Nat suddenly flung out her arms, sending one of Mum’s precious ornaments flying to the floor. “If we lived near a park we could have two dogs! Two’s always better than one, cos one on its own gets lonely. And if you’ve got two it means you don’t feel so bad going out and leaving them for a bit. It’s actually quite unkind, just having one. I mean, if you stop to think about it—”
“Yes, yes, yes,” said Mum, picking up her ornament. “I hear you! But before we get too carried away, let’s just simmer down a bit. I told you, we’re not going to go mad. Your dad and I have talked about this. We’ve decided that we should all choose one special thing we’d like to do, or have—”
“I’ve already decided!” Nat bounced back on to the sofa, next to me. “I want a dog!”
“Well, if that’s what you’ve really set your heart on,” said Mum. “But I’d like you both to go away and think about it. Seriously.”
“You mean …” I said it slowly, my mind already buzzing with possibilities. “You mean, whatever we want?”
“Whatever you want,” agreed Mum. “Though I’d rather you didn’t ask for a wardrobe full of designer gear, or the latest techno-gadget. We’d like it to be something that’s really important to you. Something that’s going to last. Not just a spur-of-the-moment thing.”
She told us both to go away and put some thought into it.
“And take your time! There’s no rush.”
“But I’ve already—” began Nat.
“I said, take your time,” said Mum. “When you’re both done thinking, we can have a family conference and see where we’re at.”
“Have you decided yet?” said Nat.
“No,” I said. It had only been a few hours. “I’m still thinking.”
“I’ve decided. I knew immediately. I don’t need to think!”
“Well, I do,” I said, “so if you’d just very kindly give me some peace and quiet, I might be able to get somewhere.”
We were in our bedroom, Nat in her cubicle, me in mine. Mum had made curtains, which we could pull round our beds. We still had to share the wardrobe – and the dressing table, and the chest of drawers. We were supposed to have equal amounts of space, like half the wardrobe each, and half the dressing table, but Nat just had no idea of putting things away. Her clothes were everywhere, lying about in great festering heaps, along with empty crisp packets and chocolate wrappers. Really gross. Grown-ups are always going on about how teenagers turn their bedrooms into tips. Well, huh! They ought to start looking at eleven-year-olds, if you ask me.
“Hey, Zoe!” Nat’s head came poking through the curtain.
I said, “What?”
“D’you think it’s OK if we tell people?”
I wasn’t too sure about that. “Dunno,” I said. “Best ask Mum.”
“Oh. OK.” She sounded reluctant. “If I must.” She was about to go off when her head came poking back in again. “You could always ask for skiing lessons.”
“I don’t want skiing lessons!”
Nat looked hurt. “You don’t have to snap, I’m only trying to be helpful! You wanted them last year. You and Sophie. You went on and on about them.”
“That was when they had the Winter Olympics.”
We’d watched them together. Me and Sophie. Sophie was my best friend ever! But last term she’d gone off to New Zealand with her mum and dad and I somehow didn’t fancy the idea of learning to ski all by myself. It was our thing; mine and Sophie’s. It wouldn’t be the same without her. Come to think of it, nothing was the same without Sophie.
“So if you don’t want skiing lessons …”
Omigod, I thought she’d gone!
“How about –” her face was all scrunched and excited – “how about asking for a pig?”
I said, “A pig?”
“A dear little pot-bellied piggy. They’re so cute!”
“But I don’t want a dear little pot-bellied piggy. You ask!”
“I can’t. I’ve already decided. I’m just trying to give you some ideas!”
I said, “I can find my own ideas, thank you very much.”
Nat sighed. She didn’t actually say,“You are so mean at times,” but it was probably what she was thinking. She stood there, on my side of the curtain, fingering her phone. Obviously dying to start spreading the news.
“I really don’t see why I couldn’t just tell Loo!”
I said, “Cos Loo’s a bubblehead. And anyway, Mum’s already said we don’t want any publicity.”
“But Loo’s my best friend! I bet you’d have told Sophie.”
Maybe I might have, but that was because Sophie and I never had secrets. And Sophie wasn’t a bubblehead! She could be trusted.
“I wish you’d just go away,” I said. “I’m trying to do some thinking here!”
“But I—”
“GO!”
Nat went mumbling off, leaving me to rack my brains. You would think, if your mum and dad gave you the chance to have anything you want, you would be spoilt for choice. Like, there would be just so many things clamouring for attention you’d find it hard to know which one to pick. Not so! All the possibilities that had been swirling about inside my head suddenly burst like soap bubbles the minute I seriously considered any of them. What did I really want? What would I really like? “Something important,” Mum had said. Something that was going to last. I couldn’t think of a single solitary thing!
I sat cross-legged on my bed, gazing at the posters pinned to the wall. Pop stars, rock groups. Jez Delaney … gorgeous Jez! The love of my life!Maybe I could talk Mum into getting me a ticket for his next gig? Except it was probably already sold out and, in any case, even I could see that going to a rock concert might not qualify as Something Important. Not in Mum’s eyes.
So what did I want? What did I really really want? There had to be something!
My gaze fell upon Gran’s old Enid Blyton books. They were all there, on the shelf. The Twins at St Clare’s, The Naughtiest Girl, Malory Towers, et cetera. I had read them over and over, especially the school stories. I’d grown out of them now, of course, but I still couldn’t bear to part with them. Mainly cos they’d belonged to Gran, but also cos I always used to feel that the characters were my friends. That I was there with them at St Clare’s, or Malory Towers. It had been my dream to go to boarding school! I’d even begged Mum, when I was, like, nine or ten, to let me go to one. We hadn’t been able to afford it then. But now that we had won the lottery …
Yessss! I bounced off the bed. I knew what I wanted to do!
“Right,” said Dad. “Moment of truth!”
It was later that same day. Dad had come back from work and we were all sitting round the kitchen table having what Dad called a powwow.
“Have you both had time to think?” said Mum.
“I didn’t have to think,” boasted Nat. “I already knew!”
“What about Zoe?”
I said, “Yes, I’ve decided.”
“Well, that was quick,” said Mum. “OK, if you’re sure, let’s get started. Your dad first!”
I know Dad was every bit as excited as the rest of us. He is just not the sort of person to show his emotions. But even he couldn’t stop a big grin engulfing his face. He told us that he had already handed his notice in.
“Couldn’t do it fast enough!”
Dad had never really cared for his job. He was always telling me and Nat how important it was, if you possibly could, to find work that gives you satisfaction.
“But he’s not going to be a gentleman of leisure,” said Mum. “Are you?”
She looked across at Dad like she was really proud of him. Dad, suddenly going all bashful and un-Dad-like, agreed that he wasn’t.
“Wouldn’t suit me, sitting around doing nothing.” He said he was going to carry on working, but not for the council. “For myself!”
“He’s going to start up his own business,” said Mum. “Mr Bird, the Handyman.”
“What do you reckon?” said Dad. “Catchy?”
“Brilliant,” I said.
“We’ll get a nice new van,” said Mum, “have it all painted up.”
“And a car,” said Dad. “About time we had a proper car.”
“Now that we’re rich,” said Nat.
Mum frowned.
I said, “That is so not cool!”
“Well, but we are,” said Nat. “We are,” she insisted, “aren’t we?”
“I prefer to think of it as no longer being chronically hard up,” said Mum.
Dad chuckled. “Tell them what you’ve decided on!”
Mum said that what she wanted was to move to a house – “Somewhere nice” – with lots of rooms and a large garden. No surprise there!
“Now ask me,” said Nat. “Ask me what I want!”
“We know what you want,” I said.
“No, you don’t! I want a dog—”
“You already told us that.”
“And a pony!”
She announced it with a triumphant flourish. Dad blinked, but even the pony wasn’t all that much of a surprise. Two summers ago we’d gone on a camping holiday to Devon and Nat had done some riding at a local stable. We both had, but Nat had become, like, obsessed for a while. I thought she’d forgotten it. Obviously not!
Mum said that if Nat really and truly wanted her own pony then she supposed she could have one.
“So long as you’d be prepared to look after it properly. Not just leave it to other people.”
Nat said, “Mum, of course I’d look after it!”
Nat is always saying of course she will do things and then never doing them, but I think in this case we all believed her. She is really into animals.
“Right,” said Mum. “So what about Zoe? What has she decided?”
I took a breath. A really deep one. Right down to the bottom of my lungs.
“Well?” said Dad.
“I’d like to go to boarding school!”
The words came spurting out of me. It was the only way I could do it. All in a rush, before I got cold feet.
There was this long, shocked pause while they all gaped at me; then Dad said, “Boarding school?”
I appealed to Mum. “You know I always wanted to!”
“Well – yes,” agreed Mum, sounding rather shaken. “I suppose you did.”
“I did! I always did!”
“This is ridiculous,” said Dad. “She can’t go to boarding school!”
“She’s mad,” said Nat.
“You do realise,” warned Mum, “that it wouldn’t be like it is in Gran’s books?”
“I know that,” I said. I wasn’t stupid! I could tell the difference between stories and real life. “Mum, I really do want to go!”
“But what about all your friends?” spluttered Dad.
“I’ll just make more,” I said.
I don’t have any problems making friends; I’m what Mum calls “an easy mixer.” I hadn’t exactly been moping around since Sophie left. But there wasn’t anyone special. No one that could replace Sophie. I was looking forward to meeting new people.
Dad was frowning at me like I was being really disloyal, but I think Mum understood how I felt. She knew how close me and Soph had been.
“Mum?” I said. “Please?”
“Well –” Mum turned to consult Dad – “I suppose, if she’s genuinely serious about it?”
“I am!” I said. “I am!”
“We did promise,” said Mum. “Anything they wanted.”
“Within reason,” muttered Dad.
I said, “Da-a-a-d!”
“A promise is a promise,” urged Mum.
Dad shook his head.
“Dad, please,” I begged.
There was a bit of a silence. Mum and I exchanged glances. Then Dad threw up his hands like, what can you do?
“All right, all right! I give in.”
“Does that mean I can go?”
“Well, it seems your mum’s in favour, so … I suppose the answer is yes.”
Yay! Mum gave me this little secret wink. She can always manage to get round Dad!
“We’d better start looking for somewhere,” she said. “It’ll be no use trying for one of those places where you have to have your name put down at birth.”
Eagerly I said, “I’ve been looking on the computer. I think I’ve already found one that would be OK. And it’s not all that far away!” I’d purposely picked one that was quite close, cos I knew Mum wouldn’t be happy if I couldn’t get home occasionally. Maybe I wouldn’t, either. “Shall I show you?” I said. “D’you want to come and see?”
“Why not?” said Mum. “No time like the present.”
After that, everything happened really fast. Dad bought a smart new van and set himself up as The Handyman. Mum fell in love with a house just outside of town and almost before we knew it we were moving in there. Nat then dragged us all off to the nearest animal shelter and found an adorable Staffy pup, all rubbery and wrinkled, that she said she was going to call Lottie – “Short for lottery!” The pony was going to take a bit longer, but Nat said she didn’t mind waiting, as it would give her a chance to do a bit of puppy training. Mum was pleased. She said, “It’s really given her a sense of responsibility, having a pet to look after.”
Even though I am not specially a dog person, I had to admit that Lottie was pretty cute. She had this funny little habit of licking your ears, getting her tongue really deep inside and slurping about. Once I would have thought it disgusting; now I just giggled. Nat, needless to say, was like totally besotted. She said she didn’t know how I could bear to go away and not be there to see Lottie grow up.
I pointed out that I was only going to be away during the week. Mum had insisted on that. “I want you home at weekends!”
The school I’d found was called St Withburga, which Nat immediately started calling St Cheeseburga, like it was screamingly funny. I forgave her, though. I was just so excited! I couldn’t wait to get there. The school hadn’t been going all that long, so they still had places, plus they were only a short journey away, which made Mum happy. She and Dad took me down there to check it out, and even Dad had to admit that it seemed OK. High praise, coming from Dad!
“It’s nice and small,” said Mum. “I like that.”
She added that it struck her as very funny, though, that I’d been complaining for years about having to share a bedroom with Nat and now here I was, choosing to share a dormitory with a bunch of total strangers!
I said that that was different. It was what you expected at boarding school.
Nat, who had come with us (simply to be nosy), told me for the hundredth time that I was mad.
“They’ll be all snooty and look down on you.”
“Why would they do that?” said Mum.
“Cos it’s what they’re like,” said Nat. “Posh people!”
“She could be right,” said Dad. He looked at me anxiously. “Are you sure about this, kiddo? You honestly want to come here?”
“I do,” I said. “I’m really looking forward to it!”
So there it was, all settled. Me and Mum went into Norwich to buy my uniform and various other bits and pieces that I was going to need, and that was it. I was ready! Just three weeks to go.
And that was when I caught the chicken pox.
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It was the middle of September when I finally started at St With’s (as I soon learnt to call it). I was a whole week late! I couldn’t help thinking if there was anyone else that was new, they’d have made friends by now, which meant I’d be the odd one out. I told Nat that if she hadn’t gone and breathed on me I might never have caught her rotten chicken pox. It was just an observation. She didn’t have to get all uppity about it.
“Wasn’t my fault,” she said. “I didn’t know it was the chicken pox!”
I said, “Well, considering you were covered in spots.” Which she’d scratched. At least I hadn’t done that.
“I meant at the beginning,” she said. “At the beginning I didn’t know. And anyway, you’re not the only one starting a new school. It’s just as bad for me.”
“It was your chicken pox,” I said. “And it’s nowhere near as bad for you!” Nat was starting at secondary school. She’d still be with lots of her friends. “It’s loads worse if it’s boarding school.”
“Well, you chose it,” said Nat.
That was the point at which Mum came into the room. “Are you two at it again?” she said. “What’s going on? You never used to fight like this. It’s enough to make me wish we’d never won the wretched lottery!”
I couldn’t believe Mum really meant that. She loved her new house with its big garden.
“I do hope,” she said, “that you’re not regretting this, Zoe?”
“I’m not!” I said.
I was just having a sudden attack of what Gran calls the collywobbles. Not even that, really. Just the odd flutter, like butterflies in my tummy.
Mum and Dad drove me down to St With’s on a Sunday afternoon. Nat had to come with us on account of Mum thinking she was too young to be left on her own. We squabbled again in the car. Nat had found a new joke: instead of going to St Cheeseburga, I was now going to St Beefburga. She cackled uproariously as she said it. Several times. In the end I told her to shut up. She said, “You’re not supposed to speak to me like that.” I said I could speak to her how I liked, it was a free country. So then she said, “This is what happens when people go to posh schools – they get all big-headed.”
“Talking about big heads,” I said, “you’d just better be careful you don’t fall off your pony, when you get one, and knock all your brains out! Not,” I added, “that you have much in the way of brains to begin with. It’s mostly just sawdust.”
She then yelled, “Beefburga!” in a mindless kind of way, but before I could think of a suitable retort Dad told us both to be quiet, he was sick of the sound of our voices, while Mum said that if this was what having a bit of money did to us she’d almost be tempted to give our share to charity. She said Nat didn’t deserve a pony and I didn’t deserve to go to boarding school. Just for a moment I felt like saying, All right, then, I won’t!
The butterflies were flapping like crazy, all swooping and swarming. To be honest, if Dad had said, “Let’s just forget about it and go home,” I’d have been secretly relieved.
Miss Latimer, the Head of Boarding, was there to meet us when we arrived, sweeping up the drive in Dad’s new car. The first new car we’d ever had!
Miss Latimer said, “Zoe! I’m so glad you could make it at last.” She said it like she really meant it, like she’d almost been counting the days till I could come. I immediately felt a whole lot better. The butterflies had settled down and I couldn’t wait to get up to the dorm and start arranging my things.
Dad wanted to carry my bags up there, but Miss Latimer said it was all right, Mr Bracey would do that. I thought Mr Bracey must be a teacher, and I guess so did Dad cos he said, “No, no, that’s not necessary! I can do it.” But then Mr Bracey appeared and simply picked up the bags and went off with them, leaving Dad standing there. It was ages before I discovered that Mr Bracey was the man who did things around the school. He was like Dad! Dad was The Handyman, Mr Bracey was the school handyman.
Mum was eager to come and help me unpack, but I told her I could do it myself.
“Are you sure?” said Mum, sounding a bit worried. It was like suddenly she didn’t want to go off and leave me there.
I said, “Honestly, Mum! I can manage.”
I so didn’t want Nat trailing upstairs with us, making her stupid Beefburga jokes and ruining everything before I’d even started!
“We’ll take good care of her,” said Miss Latimer. “Don’t worry.”
I waved goodbye quite cheerfully to Mum and Dad and followed Miss Latimer into Homestead House. Homestead was where us seniors lived. The juniors were in the Elms. All the dormitories were named after flowers. Year Eights were Buttercup and Daisy, which was another reason I hadn’t wanted Nat coming upstairs with us. She’d already gone off into peals of insane cackles about it. She kept spluttering, “Buttercups! Daisies!” When Mum asked her what she found so funny she just cackled even harder.
“Personally I think it’s nice they have pretty names,” said Mum.
So did I! I didn’t care what Nat thought.
I was in Daisy, which meant I had a cute little lazy-daisy badge to pin on my sweater. There were six of us in there, three up one end of the dorm and three at the other, with a folding door in between. The Buttercups were further down the hall. There were also, Miss Latimer told me, six day girls, but of course they weren’t in school on a Sunday. She said the other Daisies had gone off on a school trip, except for someone called Fawn, who had gone home for the weekend.
I was a bit alarmed at the thought of the unknown Fawn. What kind of a name was Fawn? It sounded like a posh person’s name! Maybe my annoying little sister was right, and all the other girls would be smart and snobby and look down on me. I found that the collywobbles had suddenly come back.
“In case you’re worrying about being the only new girl,” said Miss Latimer, leading the way along the passage, “you’re not alone. Rachel’s also new. She arrived just a few minutes ago.”
Miss Latimer tapped at the door, and paused a second before opening it. I was well impressed! I am more used to people just barging in. Well, when I say “people”, of course, I mean Nat. She’d never learnt to ask if she could come into my bit of bedroom.
“Here you are,” said Miss Latimer.
A girl was standing at the window, leaning out at a perilous angle. She sprang round, her face lighting up. She seemed really pleased to see me.
“Rachel, this is Zoe Bird that I was telling you about. Zoe, this is Rachel Lindgren. The others are off on a school trip. They should be back in about half an hour, so they’ll bring you down to tea. In the meantime, you know where to find me if you want me?”
Rachel beamed and said, “Yes!”
“Good. In that case, I’ll leave you to get on with things.”
I waited till Miss Latimer had gone, then said, “I don’t know where to find her.”
“In her room,” said Rachel. “At the end of the corridor.” She bounced on to her bed and sat there, swinging her legs. “I’ve had the chicken pox,” she said.
“Really?” I said. “Snap!”
Rachel giggled. She said, “Snap?”
“I’ve had it too! My sister gave it to me.”
Rachel giggled again. “On purpose?”
Darkly I said, “I wouldn’t be surprised. But I didn’t scratch! Did you?”
“No, cos my auntie told me it would leave marks. Why did you say ‘snap’?”
“Well – you know! Like the card game? When you say ‘snap’if you both put down the same card?”
I thought everyone must have played Snap at one time or another. But Rachel obviously hadn’t. She was looking at me, with her brow furrowed.
“Are you Swedish?” I said.
If she was Swedish, then maybe that would account for it. Maybe in Sweden they didn’t play Snap. The reason I thought she might be was partly cos she looked a bit Swedish, like very pale with hair that was almost white, and partly cos of her name: Lindgren. I was quite proud of knowing that Lindgren was a Swedish name. I reckon not everyone would have done. I only knew cos a lady that used to live in our road had been called that and she came from Sweden. But the minute I asked the question I was covered in embarrassment and thought maybe I shouldn’t have. Sometimes it is considered rude to ask people where they come from. I once asked a girl at my old school where she came from, thinking she would say, like, the West Indies or somewhere, and she said she came from Essex. She was quite cross about it, though I was only trying to be friendly.
Fortunately Rachel didn’t seem to mind. She said that she wasn’t Swedish but her granddad had been.
“He was called Lindgren. That’s why I am.” And then she gave this shriek of laughter and cried, “Yoordgubba!” Well, that was what it sounded like. I only discovered later that it was spelt “Jordgubbe”. Rachel said it was Swedish for strawberry.
“And toalettpapper is toilet paper!”
I didn’t quite know what to say to that. “So do you speak Swedish?” I said.
She giggled again. She seemed to do a lot of giggling.
“Hey,” she said. “That’s ‘hello’. Hey!” She held out her hand. She obviously wanted me to take it even though I’d already started to unpack and had my arms full of clothes. “Say it!”
Obediently I said, “Hey.”
“There,” said Rachel. “Now you know as much as I do! Except for tack. That means ‘thank you’.”
She picked up a pair of my socks that had rolled on to the floor.
Solemnly I said, “Tack.” Little had I thought I would be in the dorm having a Swedish lesson the minute I arrived. Maybe chicken pox would prove to be a blessing in disguise? I’d made a friend already!
“Shall we stick together?” said Rachel. She sat, cross-legged, on her bed.
“Yes, let’s,” I said. “I’ve never been to boarding school before, have you?”
Rachel said, “No, but I know what to expect … I’ve read the books!”
“What, the leaflets?” I said. “The stuff they send you?”
“No!” She gave a great swoop of laughter. “The boarding-school books.”
“Oh! You mean, like …”
“The Naughtiest Girl in the School, Claudine at St Clare’s—”
This time, I was the one that giggled. “Snap again!” I said. “Me too! Only I don’t think it’s quite the same these days.”
“That’s what my auntie says. She says they’re like really old-fashioned? But it’s still going to be fun! I’m really looking forward to it. Midnight feasts and climbing out of the dorm at night … That’s why I was looking out of the window! To see if there’s an apple tree.”
In spite of myself, I said, “Is there?”
“No, worse luck, but you can always make a ladder by tying pairs of tights together.”
“Tight ropes!” I said. Quite clever, I thought. I waited for Rachel to giggle, but she just nodded, very earnestly.
“It’s what they did in one book. Or of course you can climb down a drainpipe if you’re brave enough.”
“Or a fire escape,” I said. “Or even a real rope, if you happen to have one.”
I was being funny – sort of – but Rachel appeared to be taking it quite seriously. She agreed that a real rope would be best.
“Like a clothes line, or something.”
I gazed at her, doubtfully. Did she really think we were going to have midnight feasts and go swarming out of the window on the ends of clothes lines?
I started to set out my photographs on top of my bedside table. I had one of Mum and Dad; one of Mum, Dad and Nat; and one of Nat with Lottie.
“Oh, cute!” squealed Rachel.
“I hope you mean Lottie and not Nat,” I said.
“Which one’s Lottie?”
“She’s the dog. Nat’s my sister.”
“The one that gave you chicken pox?”
I said, “Yes. She breathed on me.”
“Yeeurgh!” Rachel gave an exaggerated shudder. “That’s gross!”
“She is gross.” I glanced across at Rachel’s cabinet. “Don’t you have any photos?” I said.
Rachel put a finger to her mouth, like I’d caught her out in some sort of crime. “I didn’t think.”
“You ought to have some of your family. Your mum and dad.”
“I haven’t got a mum,” said Rachel. “She died.”
Omigod! It was one of those moments. I didn’t know where to put myself.
“It’s all right,” said Rachel. “I never actually knew her.”
She pushed her hair behind her ears. It was bright silver, very fine and wispy. Mine is like a doormat. One of those fierce brown bristly ones.
“It was in childbirth, you see.”
I am not very often at a loss for words, but I honestly couldn’t think what to say. I just gulped and went, “Oh.” I wondered, if she didn’t have a mum, who Rachel lived with. Whether it was her dad, or her auntie that she’d mentioned. I didn’t like to ask, though, in case it seemed like prying. You can’t be too nosy when you’ve only just met someone.
From somewhere in the building we heard the sound of doors opening and closing, followed by girls’ voices and footsteps along the corridor.
“That’ll be the others come back,” I said.
We shot these glances at each other. Not exactly nervous, but maybe just a tiny bit apprehensive. We were the new girls! What were they going to make of us?
“We will be best friends,” said Rachel, “won’t we?”
I wasn’t sure you could become best friends just like that, but I said yes all the same. Rachel gave me this big happy smile, showing all her teeth, and I smiled back. She was a bit odd, but I did like her.
The door suddenly flew open – no knocking, this time – and four girls came bursting in. They stopped at the sight of me and Rachel. One girl said, “Oops! Sorry. Didn’t know you’d arrived. You must be Zoe and Rachel?”
Rachel giggled. I was beginning to think it must be some kind of nervous affliction, the way she kept doing it. The girl introduced herself as Fawn Grainger. She was obviously posh, like the way she spoke and everything, but she didn’t seem stuck-up. She seemed quite friendly. She introduced the others as Dodie Wang, Tabitha Rose and Chantelle Adebayo. They seemed quite friendly too. Such a relief! I might have guessed Nat didn’t know what she was talking about.
Fawn said, “Tab’s sleeping up your end. We banished her, cos she snores. I know it’s not fair, but we had to put up with her all last term.”
Rachel giggled. Again. She said, “That’s all right, my gran snores. She snores so much she makes the walls shake.”
“This one buzzes,” said Fawn. “It’s like sleeping next to a giant bee.”
After I’d finished unpacking, and everyone had looked at my photos and cooed over Lottie, we went down to tea, which was served in the refectory, in the main building next door. Us Daisies sat at our own table.
“Those are the Buttercups,” said Fawn. “Over there. I’ll introduce you afterwards.”
Fawn was the class representative on the school council. She was obviously a natural leader, though she didn’t strike me as being particularly bossy. She was just one of those people that everybody is happy to follow. Partly, I thought, it was the way she looked. She was more than just ordinarily pretty. She had a very delicate, heart-shaped face (I have always wished I could have a heart-shaped face; mine is more kind of square) and these great violet eyes with long sweeping lashes. Absolutely stunning!
The other three, I was glad to note, were more like normal ordinary human beings. Tabitha was quite plump and pillowy. I thought she looked like a comfortable sort of person. I reckoned she must be good-natured, cos she hadn’t seemed to mind when Fawn had said about her snoring. Dodie was a tiny little spidery thing with a sweet little blob of a nose – something else I’d always wished for! Chantelle could almost have been a model, being very tall and slim, except her face was a bit too round. Models always look as if they’re half starved.
For tea there were big plates of bread and butter – masses of it! – and various pots of jam. Rachel picked up one of the pots and waved it at me.
“Look,” she said. “Jordgubbe!”
“Oh,” I cried, “jordgubbe jam!”
We both giggled at that.
“‘Yord’ what?” said Tabitha.
“Gubbe,” I said. “It’s Swedish for strawberry.”
“And toalettpapper,” added Rachel, “is toilet paper.”
I did think that perhaps that was a bit more information than we needed, at least at the tea table, but Rachel was beaming and seemed pleased with herself.
“What are your nicknames?” she said.
“Nicknames?”
They all looked blank. Rachel shrieked. “You’ve got to have nicknames!”
“Why?” said Dodie.
“Cos it’s what people have!”
I couldn’t imagine where Rachel had got that idea from. I didn’t specially remember anyone having nicknames in Gran’s Enid Blyton books.
“Chantelle is sometimes called Ellie,” said Dodie, sounding rather doubtful. “And Tabitha’s Tabs. Is that what you mean?”
“No!” Rachel shook her head. “They’re just shortenings. I can’t believe you don’t have nicknames!”
“What sort of nicknames?” said Fawn.
“Well, like, you could be … Baby, for instance.”
“Baby?” Fawn was staring at her with a kind of horrified fascination. “Why ‘Baby’?”
Rachel gave one of her great swooping peals of laughter. “Cos a fawn’s a baby animal!”
Fawn said, “I see.”
“You have to be a bit inventive,” said Rachel. “It’s supposed to be fun!”
“So what’s her nickname?” Fawn nodded towards me.
“Oh, she’s Robin!”
I blinked. Why Robin? Chantelle asked the same question.
“Zoe Bird?” said Rachel.
“But why Robin? Why not Albatross?”
“Or Wood Pigeon,” said Dodie.
“Or Pelican.”
“Or Budgerigar.”
Rachel gave a happy hoot of laughter. “You can’t call someone Budgerigar.”
“You could call them Budgie,” said Fawn.
I could see that Rachel was turning this over in her mind. Earnestly, as we left the refectory, she said, “Which would you rather be? Robin, or Budgie?”
“Not sure I really want to be either,” I said.
“OK.” Rachel nodded. “I’ll try to think of something else.”
“What about you?” I said. “What’s your nickname?”
“Haven’t got one,” said Rachel.
“What were you at your old school?”
Her eyes slid away from me. “Just Rachel.”
“I was just Zoe,” I said. “We didn’t have nicknames.”
“That’s cos it wasn’t a boarding school.”
“Oh. Well! In that case,” I said, “you’ll have to invent one for yourself.”
“You can’t invent your own nickname!” She said it like I should have known. “Other people do it for you. If you’re popular enough.”
Fawn came up to me later. “Did you and Rachel already know each other?” she said. “Were you at the same school, or something?”
I told her that we’d only just met, that afternoon. She seemed surprised.
“We thought you must already know each other. She’s strange, isn’t she?”
She was a bit, but I did quite like her. And I had agreed that we’d be friends.
Hurriedly, Fawn said, “Not that there’s anything wrong with being strange! Last year we had this girl that used to keep bursting into song all the time. Like in the middle of class. It would suddenly come to her, and she’d just open her mouth and start singing. Now she’s got a scholarship to study music. Turns out she’s some kind of genius. Like Mozart, or something.”
I said, “You think Rachel might be a genius?”
“Might be,” said Fawn. “You never know. Anyway –” she slid her arm cosily through mine – “it’s fun having new people in the dorm. And if one of you did happen to be a genius it would be really cool! At least it would get us one up on those Buttercups. They think way too much of themselves.” She squeezed my arm. “I’m so glad you’re a Daisy! I’m sure you’re going to fit in perfectly.”
I beamed. I couldn’t help it! So much for Nat saying how everyone would be all snobby and look down on me.
“What about Rachel?” I said. I didn’t want to sound too anxious, but if she and I were going to be friends it was important we should both fit in. Not just me.
“Oh, she’ll be all right,” said Fawn. “We don’t mind if someone’s a bit odd. It’s better than being dull and boring!”
I certainly didn’t think Rachel was likely to be that.
(#ulink_a39cc3e1-5996-588a-8ce5-8f412c6d910c)
By Friday I was feeling so settled I almost didn’t want to have to pack my bag and go home. I’d found a new friend in Rachel, and Fawn and the others had gone out of their way to make us both feel welcome. Even when they’d discovered that Rachel had never played netball before, they didn’t roll their eyes or grow impatient when she messed up the game. Miss Simon, who took us for PE, said, “Don’t worry, Rachel, you’ll soon get the hang of it.” But even when she didn’t – when she kept trying to run with the ball or throw it madly in the wrong direction – they were all quite nice about it. Even Chantelle, who was sports crazy, and Fawn, who was so competitive. When two of the idiotic Buttercups started cackling, they turned on them quite savagely.
“Such bad manners,” said Fawn.
“Pathetic,” said Chantelle.
I was so glad they’d stuck up for Rachel! Especially Fawn. I’d already worked out that there was this massive rivalry between the two dorms, and that Fawn took it really seriously. She hated it when the Daisies were made to look ridiculous, so I thought it was specially good of her to leap to Rachel’s defence. In spite of sometimes being a bit full of her own importance, she obviously had a sense of fair play.
With everything working out so well it was quite a wrench to tear myself away. Of course, I was looking forward to seeing Mum and Dad again, even to seeing Nat, and to telling them all about it, but I couldn’t help feeling like I was missing out, going off and leaving everyone else behind to enjoy themselves. How could anybody bear to be a day girl? Not me!
Rachel was the only other one from Daisy dorm who wasn’t staying on. Fawn had gone home last weekend, but she said she only did it occasionally.
“Like, if my gran’s visiting, or something. It’s more fun being here with the others.”
A whole bunch of us was dropped off at the station. Dad had wanted to come and pick me up, but I’d begged to be allowed to use the train. It felt more independent, plus it meant I could be with Rachel. It turned out she lived just three stops further down the line from me.
“I’m really going to see if I can board full-time next term,” I said. “I think I’ll probably be able to talk Mum round, but Dad’s funny. He didn’t really want me to come to boarding school at all. He’d prefer it if I was just a Day.” I didn’t add that Dad would actually prefer it if I hadn’t gone to St With’s in the first place. One of my grans has always said that Dad has a chip on his shoulder. I wouldn’t have wanted Rachel thinking that.
“How about your dad?” I said. “Or is he the one that decided?”
I was hoping she might be prompted to tell me something about herself. I couldn’t help being curious. I still didn’t know who she lived with – whether it was her dad, or her gran, or her auntie that she sometimes talked about. I didn’t know where she’d been to school, or anything at all, really. She was eager to talk about most things – just not about herself.
So when I asked the question, thinking I was being very clever and cunning, I wasn’t terribly surprised when she gave one of her great cascades of giggles and said, “It was me that chose!” It wasn’t a proper answer, in fact it wasn’t really an answer at all, but I didn’t like to push. I know sometimes I can seem a bit nosy. A bit what Mum calls intrusive. But I did find it difficult! I think it is only natural to want to know things about people, especially if they are supposed to be your friend. Your best friend.
“Honestly,” I said, “my dad’s like a mother hen. He doesn’t even like me taking the train! He wanted to come and pick me up. Of course it might just be cos he’s got this new car and it’s any excuse to go for a drive. That’s what Mum says. How about yours?”
I couldn’t help trying! But Rachel just giggled and said, “I like being on the train.”
Again, it wasn’t an answer. I asked her if anyone was meeting her at the station, and she said her auntie. I didn’t even know her auntie’s name. It was always just “my auntie”.
“So what about when we go to the theatre?” I said.
In a fortnight’s time the whole of our year was being taken to see a production of A Midsummer Night’s Dream, which was the play we were doing in class. The bus was going to bring us all back to school afterwards, which meant Dad could always drive over and collect me if he really wanted, but I reckoned Mum would stick up for me if I pleaded to stay overnight at school and come home on Saturday.
I said this to Rachel. “It would be fun if we could both stay over! Do you think they’d let you?”
Her eyes did that thing where they shifted away. “I’m not sure if I’ll be able to come.”
Not come to the theatre? “Oh, but you’ve got to!” I said. “Everybody else is.”
She was silent. She was hardly ever silent. Normally she was just as much a chatterbox as I am. Sometimes even more so, especially in the dorm after lights out. You’d be lying there trying to sleep and Rachel would be propped on her elbow talking at you in the darkness. It was worse than Tabs’s snoring. The other night Fawn had yelled at her to “Just button it!” But then other times, like now, she’d totally clam up.
I wondered if it would be rude to ask her why she might not be able to come. Sometimes, at my old school, people hadn’t been able to go on school trips because their mums and dads couldn’t afford it. Once in Year Seven there’d been a weekend in France and it was mymum and dad that hadn’t been able to afford it. Maybe Rachel was on some kind of scholarship and her dad, or whoever it was, didn’t have enough money to pay for extras. In which case it would definitely be rude of me to ask.
I contented myself with reminding her that she would have to decide soon. She said, “Yes, I know, it’s just—”
Too late! We had already pulled into the station and I could see Dad and Nat waiting for me on the platform. If only Rachel had got off before me instead of after, I might have had a glimpse of her mysterious auntie.
“Ask!” I said, as I jumped off the train.
Rachel nodded. “I will. I really want to come!”
Dad and Nat had spotted me. “There she is!” cried Dad.
“Back from St Beef’s!” That, needless to say, was Nat.
“Enough with the Beef’s,” I said, giving her a shove.
Nat pulled a face. “So what’s it like? Is it like Enid Blyton? Are they all posh?”
“Hold your horses,” said Dad, “she’s only just got here! She can tell us all about it when we’re back home.”
“Mum’s made a special tea,” said Nat, “just for you! She’s done chocolate cake cos she knows it’s your favourite. And pizza! It’s not really healthy, chocolate cake and pizza all in the same meal, but Mum said just for once. I s’pose at St Beef’s you have caviar and stuff.”
“Yeah, that’s a favourite,” I said. “But then for tea we have bread and marge.”
“Marge? Ugh! Yuck!”
“Plain and wholesome,” said Mum, when Nat told her about it.
“You’d think they could come up with something a bit better,” grumbled Dad. “I’m not paying all that money for my daughter to eat bread and marge!”
“Oh, Dad, it’s bread and butter,” I said. “And we have—”
I was going to say that we had jordgubbe jam to put on it, but Nat got in ahead of me.
“They have caviar for dinner!”
“Believe that and you’ll believe anything,” said Mum.
“No,” said Nat. “She said!”
“She’s pulling your leg. Lottie, get down, there’s a good girl.”
“Lottie’s house-trained.” Nat announced it, proudly. “She hasn’t done anything indoors for ages.”
Lottie wagged her tail so hard her whole body shook. She was still all rubbery and puppyish. I have to admit, Nat is really good with animals. She just has this irritating habit of totally annoying me! Like now.
“Who was that girl?” she said. “The one you waved goodbye to?”
“That was Rachel,” I said. “She’s in my dorm.”
“She looks peculiar.”
You see what I mean? Just, like, totally annoying.
“How does she look peculiar?” said Mum, sounding a bit annoyed herself. She knew about Rachel, cos I’d told her on the phone. She’d been pleased to hear that I’d already made a friend. “What’s peculiar about her?”
“She’s got white hair,” said Nat.
“That’s because she’s Swedish!” I snapped.
Mum told me later that I shouldn’t let Nat wind me up.
“Truth to tell, she’s a bit resentful of you being at boarding school. I know it sounds silly, when it was her choice to have Lottie, and we’re buying her a pony, but I think she’s secretly scared you’ll … how can I put it? Decide we’re not good enough?”
I said, “Mum!” That was ridiculous.
“It’s your dad as well,” said Mum. “He’s a bit of a worryguts. Give them time, they’ll get over it. Tell me about Rachel! Does she live round here?”
I said that she lived just three stops further down the line.
“That’s nice! So you could always visit each other if you wanted? Like in the holidays?”
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